#no idea how long this one will take me

[dreamofbecoming]

we have liftoff on the banshee/siren!jask fic, folks. wish me luck

[novelconcepts]

The defintion of hell is knowing a show is incredibly well-received in its first season, but if people don’t become machines churning out tweets, content, and rewatching 24/7, there’s no likelihood it’ll get a chance to tell its whole story. This shit is madness. Shows in different genres shouldn’t have to pit-battle for dominance. First seasons are MEANT to be baselines establishing worlds and characters, not complete storylines. The idea that this golden age of television has turned into “get it done in one or get out” is revolting.

[aka-indulgence]

“You stay safe on the way home, alright angel?”

[catlover4536]

@carnivalcarrion Remember when I said I had something for you?

Yeah, me too.

[seeminglyseph]

I think it matters a lot that a) everyone who has seeming offered to help Karna has done so *after* she needed it. And b) was in some way using her and therefore needed her.

In the eyes of a child, if you weren’t there when she needed you, and can’t even help yourself, what good are you to her?

[sacchiri]

Hellsing 2002 calendar illustration.

Ein wunderliche und erschröckliche Hystori von einem großen Wüttrich genant Dracole wayda Der do so ganz unkristenliche marrter hat angelegt die mensche, als mit spissen als auch die leut zu Tod geslyffen

A wondrous and frightening story about a great berserk called Dracula the voivode who inflicted such unchristian tortures such as with stakes and also dragged people to death

[eyestrain-addict]

Every time I start thinking about how we don't know who louis truly is because he doesn't even know who he truly is, I go a little more insane.

[nomlioart]

i was supposed to do it earlier but i was really lazy lol, but here you go

my pepstavo hcs in a nutshell

a lil more in the tags 👁️ 

[ssruis]

Hello welcome to yet another post that was 1) originally meant to be a short thing but it rapidly got out of hand 2) caters to me specifically 3) is all over the place because I kept finding more things I wanted to talk about

The way rui approaches emotions is so fascinating to me bc like. He approaches everything with a very rational/logical thought process instead of an emotional one and he tends to either ignore his emotions or view them as an obstacle/hinderance.

(From his gleaming stars card story)

If he acknowledges that he’s upset or unhappy he tends to just go “oh well. What can you do.” & then berates himself for not wanting to be unhappy. I feel like a lot of that can be explained by his childhood alienation from his peers.

In RMD his reaction to his classmates refusing to take part in his play once he explained the tree jump stunt & them calling him weird is to blame himself:

Little Nene: Rui, what’s the matter? Did something sad happen?

Little Rui: Nene… No. That’s not it. I pushed my show onto everyone and bothered them.

(From RMD - TL by Arven Oven)

Which is pretty telling. To Rui, the issue is that he asked for too much, that he as a person is something that must be tolerated by his peers.

But ultimately he still has faith that he’ll find his people.

Little Rui: …That’s right. People like you, Nene, who would say that they like my shows, surely exist out there. I want to make my own shows. But as of now - I think it might be a little hard.

(RMD)

And he *did* keep trying to find people who would accept him for a while - Wonder Halloween shows that he continued to try to reach out even after the stuff that happened in RMD, but eventually anyone he got a little close to would end up leaving & reinforcing his idea that he was too different from others to form relationships.

(From Wonder Halloween)

I’ve seen some people say him giving up on forming relationships was due to the events shown in RMD, but I think it was more of a result of him experiencing the same rejection over and over again. The definition of insanity is trying over and over again when the result never changes, and despite what his peers may think, Rui is not insane. I think he gradually lost faith in his parents assurance that he would find people who accepted him - he begins pushing Nene, the only person who hasn’t left him yet, away.

Middle School Rui: I’m working on a solo project… but I haven’t found anyone else like you that’s willing to help.

Middle School Nene: oh, I see…

Middle School Nene: then would you like to join the troupe I’m in…?

Middle School Nene: I mean, uh…

Middle School Rui: hehe. It’s nice of you to invite me, but there’s no need to pity me. I’m doing ok on my own, and it’s for the best anyway.

(From Wonder Halloween)

Why he pushed Nene away is sort of left up to interpretation - To protect her from himself? To leave her before she left like everyone else? - but I think the assumption that her invitation is out of pity show that at least part of his decision to push her away was out of the belief that she, like everyone else, was simply tolerating him. If he assumes everyone hates him/is scared of him right off the bat, he can avoid getting his hopes up and being crushed when he’s inevitably abandoned. It’s not unhealthy or detrimental to forming relationships he’s just recognizing a pattern and using it to predict the behavior of others (blatantly wrong).

Zombie Plushies: We can tell you’re just pretending to be friends! Deep down, you’re probably scared and disgusted by us too!

(…)

Zombie Plushies: We’ll never fit in with them anyway…

Rui: …! (Never fit in with them, huh…)

(…)

Rui: When I look at them… I remember how things used to be.

(WXS world link, TL by Haruka’s penguin)

He rationalized his loneliness with “I’m just incompatible with other people” which

1) ow.

2) if he’s incompatible with other people, there’s no reason to get his hopes up because he’ll never find people he fits in with

3) if nothing is ever going to get better, he should be content with being alone. There’s no reason to be sad over a fact of life. It is what it is.

4) being sad over this is inconvenient, unhelpful, and a distraction from following his dreams (on his own)

5) inflicting himself onto others is a selfish desire and he should just keep to himself. “It’s for the best, anyway.”

6) he’s perfectly fine on his own. He doesn’t need anyone for his shows, and he doesn’t need friends.

By the time the WXS main story takes place, he’s already fully convinced himself that he’s better off alone, and that Actually It’s Super Beneficial For Him & His Shows And He’s Fine Like This.

Middle School Rui: Solitude isn’t as bad as people make it out to be.

Middle School Mizuki: huh?

Middle School Rui: In fact, it has had certain benefits for me. It’s given me plenty of time to see plays and to think over ideas for shows, for example.

(Kamikou festival)

Rui: hehe. Unfortunately, we won’t be doing a show together.

Rui: you see, I like to work alone and with absolute freedom to stage any show I want.

Rui: as long as my shows fill my audience’s hearts with joy, I’m perfectly satisfied.

(WXS main story) (“I’m perfectly satisfied” me when I lie)

I feel like it’s overlooked that the only reason rui joined wxs was to get nene in the group. I’m probably going to talk about his continued pushing of Tsukasa’s limits/suggesting insane stunts and over emphasizing how dangerous they are at a later date - and how that was (imo) an attempt to find the point where Tsukasa would hate and leave him too -

(surely this is too good to be true, Tsukasa/wxs will be like all the others -> wait he’s not calling me a freak and leaving ok I guess I’ll go full throttle on the insane shit surely at some point he’ll get tired of me -> he got injured because of me and he’s still here?? what the fuck???? Well now I care about him & this group so I need to pull back I’m not going to get a second chance)

(Wonder Halloween)

- but I would like to briefly mention that Rui literally suggests risking Tsukasa’s life right off the bat & when Tsukasa is like “?? I don’t want to die???” Rui just goes “alright I’m out of the group I guess bye. have fun nene!”

Rui: Don't worry, the device can be securely attached to the stage in a way that will keep the audience perfectly safe. Please make sure you don't touch it or you'll die.

Tsukasa: what about keeping ME safe?!

(…)

Tsukasa: I’m not going to risk my life on-stage!

Rui: but you said you’d perform any role I gave you to, quote, 12000%, unquote!

Rui: I'm afraid that I have no choice but to step down as a stage director. Nene, good luck working with these people.

(Wxs main story)

Unfortunately humans are a social species & emotions don’t follow (faulty) logic so rui *was* unhappy on his own and he *did* want to have friends. Which I’m sure he continued to call himself selfish/greedy for feeling. Rationalizing all of this was a way he could accept/make peace with being miserable (because it must be this way, because this is how it will always be).

Rui: I was the same a long time ago… I gave up on fitting in with anyone.

(…)

Rui: If they don’t understand me, that just can’t be helped, if they disagree with the way I think, that just can’t be helped… I would think like that.

Rin: Rui-kun…

Rui: - in reality, I really did want to put on a show with someone else. But people didn’t understand the shows I was making. On a subconscious level, I convinced myself it wasn’t going to work out and gave up on the idea.

(WXS world link)

(Wxs Journey to bloom animation)

This added scene from the main story animation adds to this - why he leaves WXS did have to do with Tsukasa yelling at Nene, but the reason he doesn’t come back after Nene forgives Tsukasa is because Tsukasa’s self centered attitude is something that antithetical to a belief that Rui thought he’d given up on a long time ago: great shows *can’t* be made alone, no matter how many times you insist that you don’t need anyone else. As much as he denied it, Rui *did* still want to connect with people and be accepted - not just for the purpose of making shows, but to have a place where he belonged. For the first time in years Rui got his hopes up, started believing in what his parents told him, and Tsukasa proved to him that he never should have done so in the first place. Unlike the other times, though, Rui is the one to walk away first. & then tsukasa/wxs do the whole “true feelings” show etc etc we know how the main story ends.

That being said, I think that Rui still subconsciously believed WXS would grow to hate him and leave because he would finally be Too Much. Wonder Halloween showed him that this wasn’t true (Which is why it’s so important that the zombie plushies in the world link performed potato ghost to connect to the other plushies - it’s the show that was performed when Rui fully realized that wxs was not going to abandon him.) but I feel like that only cemented the fact that wxs would keep performing alongside him, not that they were his friends.

Rui also very clearly did not process or evaluate how his childhood impacted him.

Nene: When you talked about the old days, you seemed happy.

Rui: fufu. I don’t mind it anymore because it was so long ago.

(His RMD card story - TL by Rubilia Heartfilia) (me when I lie part two)

After so long by himself, with shows as the only thing he had, I think that having a connection to people *outside* of shows was completely unfathomable to Rui.

Which is why he’s kind of incapable of realizing why the idea of leaving wxs hurts him so much,

(Curtain call)

why he doesn’t realize why he starts holding back in wonder Halloween or why he holds back on the cheer squad,

(Cheer squad event)

And why he’s surprised that wxs cares for him not just as a director, but as a friend.

(Festival bathed in twilight)

I make fun of him for taking a year to finally be like “yeah tsukasa-kun and I are friends” but I think it’s pretty reasonable taking his trust/abandonment issues into account. Accepting Tsukasa’s offer to join wxs (twice) changed his life drastically - he realizes that he can connect to others outside of shows, that it’s possible for him to form relationships with people outside of wxs. Rui just needed to make the choice to accept the outreached hands - not changing the parts of himself that people previously deemed too weird or strange (not that he was ever going to do that anyways) but changing his attitude of “it’s just impossible for me to be accepted.”

Rui: I had always thought that I could never properly understand everyone around me.

Rui: as I started doing shows at Wonder Stage with everyone, my way of thinking and feelings began to change.

Rui: now, I am able to understand and connect with someone without relying on shows, and I’ve come to value the beauty of laughing alongside others

Rui: that’s why — tsukasa-kun. Thank you for giving me the chance to change.

(…)

Tsukasa: but… it’s not only just thanks to me, y’know?

Rui: eh?

Tsukasa: think about it. No matter how many chances I gave you, if you had refused to change, you would never have done so, right?

(Pandemonium, TL by Tsukasa’s #3 fan)

This is also why he tends to berate himself for having the very normal desire to hold on to wxs. He’s never had something like this before, where he has people who accept and love him as he is. He’s never wanted to keep something as badly as this. He’s asking too much of them, he’s imposing like he did with his classmates in RMD, he should let them leave. It’s the mature thing to do. He spent so long on his own, he should be fine going back to that, isn’t it selfish and greedy to want more?

(Curtain call)

(Talking abt wanting to keep doing shows w wxs and his actions in OHE) Rui: Now that I think about it, I’ve been pretty selfish.

(World link)

Rui: (…When the time comes, even I, too, will have to move forward.)

Rui: (…Moving forward, can I do that?)

Rui: (…Geez, I really lack a backbone. When will the time come when I find myself satisfied with the way things are?)

(…)

Rui: (While working to make my dream come true, together with everyone, I will make their dreams come true. A way to do that - let me think of one.)

Rui: (fufu, how greedy of me.)

(Curtain call - TL by Arven Oven & Tsukasa’s #3 Fan) (fuck you ensekai)

I think that, in future events, he’ll (hopefully) come to realize there are more people who will accept him (& get more trust ranks. Please.). I think it’s an impossible ask for him to be completely fine with wxs going their separate ways some day (and the same goes for everyone else in wxs), but I think when the time comes it will at least be bittersweet and with the knowledge that he can find other places to belong & that his relationships with the rest of wxs is strong enough to withstand not being in the same troupe. Things can’t stay the same forever, but change doesn’t have to be bad. Etc etc.

[iwasbored777]

"But why did Gwen push Miles away like that if she loves him so much?" You ask as if in the same movie we didn't watch her father, the person she loves more than anything and the person that she thought that loves her more than anything, disown her right away because he learned one thing about her that he didn't like.

[oatbugs]

Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship

[fatuismooches]

*kicks door open*

Saw that Dottore post talking in a different language in the middle of class. It will NOT stop me for brain rotting.

God he'd say everything and anything he wants to tell you in the language that attracts you the most and he'd laugh affectionately when you glate at him with a red face. He'd be SO teasing about it, calling you pet names you don't know the meaning of but he says it so sweet and tender that it makes ur heart beat so fast,, you'd see him leaving notes to you with lines of what it seems to be a poem and you dont understand at all, and the segments do it to you as well like!!! CMON 😭😭

They refuse to help you study the language bc it's not a collective thing they do and they all use so many different languages it makes ur head spin

IM IN SHAMBLES MOOCHES... THAT ANON GOT ME ON A FRENZY OF IDEAS IM CRYING GFAHGHGDHGRSAAGGHHHH

But imagine making ur own language just to level with dottore???? After learning it and developing it n becoming fluent, you burned all ur notes and documents of your own language and u watch him and the segments fume when you talk to him in a language he has never heard of

(Now imagine talking to a fellow harbinger with the said language, teaching them to further egg on him 🤭🤭🤭)

HCHKCHDOEHFOSIW this is kaiser and it's time for me to EXPLODE 💥💥💥

AHHUDWDWD THIS IS SO SO CUTE. IM BRAINROTTING SOOO HARD BEFORE CLASS UGHHH I LOVE THESE IDEAS😭😭❤️ He would be SO relentless with teasing you, you would literally have to BEG him to return to speaking in your native language because he is a monster ugh 😒😤 You would have no idea what he's saying no matter how much you try and plead for him to tell you... you eventually hear certain words so many times you just associate them with a pet name that you still have no clue as to what it is. You HATE how much he has you wrapped around his finger and blushing but you also love it because who doesn't love when the Doctor is so outwardly affectionate to you 😔❤️ tHE POEMS BRO. THE POEMS. I think he's also very bad at written affection but since it's in another language he has creative freedom 😭 you'll never know the disgusting sappy things he'll write. The clones being in on it is the funniest part lmao you thought they would be on your side 😭😭💔

oh MY GOD THOUGH READER MAKING THEIR OWN LANGUAGE IS MY FAVORITEEE PART!!!! I love when reader tries to one-up Dottore, like, two can play at that game honey, i'm not your lover for no reason 🤭 LMAO i can just imagine reader grinding out their language verbally and written, day and night, just to spite Dottore and make him feel what you feel >:)

The look on their faces would be PRICELESS. Dottore would ask you to repeat what you said and you would, happily, and then walk away as if what you said is everyday language... they would be scrambling to figure out what is going onnnnn 😭 HELP YESSS Pantalone, Bina, and Childe are the best candidates 🤭 He would be so annoyed at seeing you communicate with these three so jollying... ehehe also teaching his child clone the language too, because the baby would never betray you either and would stick his tongue out at the bribing of other clones.

DEEP BREATHES KAI DONT EXPLODE- 😭

[nativehueofresolution]

for me personally i kind of like the idea that the only time louis and daniel before now was the night of the original interview.

to me the interesting thing about their dynamic (and part of what makes it romantic) is the weird way you can confide in a stranger things you can't tell people who are actually a part of your life - like the contrast between this person not knowing you and all yet somehow you're telling them your darkest secrets, and they're seeing through your bullshit in a way people who know you don't (or maybe do but won't vocalize). and yeah it's a combination of chance and luck, but there's also a genuine connection that makes this stranger the one you choose to talk to out all the other strangers you come across.

and the idea that maybe that moment, that bond, could be so strong it could pick right up many decades later compels me. there's an intimacy to like, a past relationship, obviously, but i think there's also an intimacy that comes from knowing 'i only spoke to this person once but i never stopped thinking about them and maybe they never stopped thinking about me?' but you hooked up once or only had one conversation and you talk yourself down say be realistic because it was so brief and so long ago you, how could you not be blowing this out of proportion, but then you meet again and it hits you all over again like a ton of bricks.

[taitavva]

dead mom club

[actual-corpse]

Saw a YT vid with the title, "Fandom Can't Handle Asexuality"

You're right, they can't... Because it doesn't fucking exist to them.

[sysig]

Wake up somewhere better, maybe (Patreon)