#no promises other things in this au will be this rendered I was mostly just fussing around with it lmao

[bythepen98]

WIPS || More Zutara FA

(As promised. Based on 2 of the zutara month prompts)

I wanted to get the rough sketches in first. Probably did make things a bit too difficult for myself with the angles and the wolf (istg animals are so hard to draw) but I'm also excited to see how this will look once it's rendered. Just need to trudge through the lineart phase next.

I was excited to draw the princess mononoke au one but ngl, working on the second wip was a more enjoyable experience since the only concept I wanted was something simple and cute. The pose is a menace because of the foreshortening but manageable. It probably helps that I was in a better headspace when I started working on it. The day prior to that, I was going through one of my bad, more temperamental days where I just felt off and couldn't draw a single line without giving it up bc it looked "ugly". Made it through the sketch for the princess mononoke au but couldn't last for the lineart.

On the other hand, the second wip was mostly seamless. Had to keep redrawing Zuko and Katara's legs but it was still a relaxing session overall.

Here's me hoping that I'll be in a good headspace tomorrow so I can work for a longer time while uninterrupted. Well, as uninterrupted as my mild adhd coded brain can allow 🤞.

[crappyyuki]

Bryan with lava eyes :DDD

It’s been a while since I fully colored smth :,)

Here’s the Sketch and the one with a background!

I attempted to make lava. I’m not sure if it went well lmao.

I also don’t know how to draw or render muscles but BUFF BRYAN SUPREMACY!

HE IS SLIGHTLY TONED BUT HE CAN FLATTEN A STONE FUCKING COUNTER THATS CANON FIGHT ME

Honestly, I’m not sure if I can write this AU. With confidence I mean. I already got like a 15k word outline going on and it’s still going and it’s been like that for the past 3 years. Yeah. Pretty crazy. But if I can’t write this then I might resort into posting a bulleted list on what I should’ve written in the betterment of those 3 years instead of making a long ass outline to get it out into the world.

I love this AU, you have no idea, but it is so hard to write. So bear with me. I’ll give a bit of insight into it.

• This is a canon divergence of the canon timeline where instead of Bryan taking the hit, it’s Molten taking the hit. (My guy is not having a great time. Both of them.)

• This AU is canon defiant to the actual lore in Bryan’s series. A lot actually. This is a bit more canon compliant to the Fnaf storyline. Focusing more on spirits and souls than portals and portal magic. Soul juice produced from murdered children. All that good stuff. Don’t get me wrong, I love the series but I wish it focused on the souls of the kids and their stories if only a little.

• Let’s say there are a lot of hidden secrets in the old pizzeria that Bryan would carry to his grave. Most of them is guilt. The other is shame borderlining to self loathing.

• “No one would ever believe you.” :)

• This AU’s pov is also on the animatronics side. Mostly Freddy, Helpy (the old one), and maybe probably Foxy (the Rockstar one) I miss them, okay?

• Pat is around too. Watching over the animatronics while getting deathly afraid of them for a definite period of time before making friends with them because wow, those robots aren’t actually gonna force them into a Freddy Fazbear suit. Why did they listen to a pre-recorded message anyway?

• Jon is the one that stumbles onto the secret. But its not complete. He wonders where he should find the other pieces.

• You know OG Freddy? How he was repaired? Yeah. That part wasn’t the only thing that brought him back to life.

• And the monitor Lefty stole from the pizzeria? Maybe Egg Baby? Wonder whats that for?

• The book that Bryan gave to Twisted Bonnie also changed. Still has the blueprints of the animatronics but of different animatronics.

• “Hmmmm, I wonder what I can do for Baby’s birthday? How can I make it her happiest day of her shortlived li—wait, can I even say that?????”

• Also, does anyone know what happened to Twisted Freddy? Did he just become the wind or what? We’ll see.

• Since Lefty didn’t die, let’s say Shadow Freddy had other places to be. And Twisted Wolf? Honestly forgot about that guy hahaha I’ll think of something.

• Oh! EB (Evil Bryan) is there too! Like actually.

• It’s quite funny to have two short humans going on offense while literal monsters go on support and defense lmao. What a bunch of losers.

• “See you on the flipside!”

• Hey. What’s up with Bryan’s eyes?

That’s all for now. Maybe I’ll post another one or work on a chapter? Who knows…

I can’t promise anything. I can only promise that the next will take a whileeeeeeee, a post or a chapter.

I still have not named this AU and marked it as INSERT TITLE HERE.

And to those that recognize that title, I am so sorry. I literally redid the first 5 chapters, finished 4, then dropped it off at chapter 7-8. Chapter 1-4 are finished but 5-8 is a land mine. I don’t know how to keep it going lmao. No really, it’s a struggle writing this dang thing and I want it out of my head too. I can’t promise any chapters or that I’m working on it because I’m so busy but I did not forget it if thats what you’re thinking. It’s just hard to write. Like really hard. That’s why I focused a bit on oneshots.

One things for sure though. It’s either chapter 5, 6, or 7 BUT—

Minigames. Plus Springtrap.

ITH!Bryan: Oh joy.

Feel free to ask questions about this AU! I’d be happy to answer! (Most of them anyway. Can’t reveal everything.)

[mirahuyooo]

hello!i hope you're doing fine.so my bff's bday is on the way and she was going into some hard stuff so i am making a request for her ,if you dont mind would you write seokjin xreader in Hogwarts!au . Reader is in slytherin and you are free to choose jin's house just make it sweet and stuff(my bff loves chess and cats idk why i am saying that but it may give u ideas) i am so sorry if i took sm if ur time i just want her to cheer up and be happy.

Also take Care and don't overwork yourself thank u bye!

Take a Break | ksj

— In which, your dearest Seokjin urges you to take a break from studying for the N.E.W.T.s

word count: 2,198 content/s: fluff, wHOLESOME HOURS, wizard exams are still exams, stressed reader is stressed (still having war flashbacks from mine lmao), sort of hurt/comfort uwu, family issues, a bunch of bullies appear to ruin the moment, blood purity prejudice, established relationship? (kind of lol), reader is a pureblood Slytherin and Jinnie is a muggleborn Hufflepuff! Hogwarts AU pairing: kim seokjin x reader

[masterlist] | do you also have a [request]?

A/N: First of all, I just now remember the title is also a song from Hamilton (omg Slytherin!Hamilton???? jkjkjk) bUT THAT’S BESIDES THE POINT! I hope you liked this anon! I hope it wasn’t late for the occasion either and that your friend finds this imagine well!~ Happy birthday to her! I hope she gets through that rough patch, whatever it may be 🥺💖💕💞

Also, I haven’t consumed anything Hogwarts (AU and otherwise) in a while so idk if this does well (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) bUT I do hope I wrote it well enough for the AU! I also know Jin is mostly a Gryffindor in these AUs but Hufflepuff!Jin??? Who values loyalty and is fiercely loyal himself? Who takes care of his friends and defends them like a true badger? Who always offers food from the kitchens????? SOFT HUFFLEPUFF! JIN FOR SOFT HOURS!

Shoulders heavy with the weight of a promising future, you’re rendered hunched before one of the many tables in the library, books of all sorts languidly flying overhead to their designated destinations. While you usually love the peaceful sanctuary that is the library of Hogwarts, the looming N.E.W.T. condemns you and many others to its old, wooden desks, books of all different subjects surrounding and chaining you to a fate of stiff necks, panic, and headaches. 

For hours now, you’ve been fiddling with the green and silver fabric of your tie with one hand and hurriedly jotting down notes in the other, murmuring the words you see on the thick book of potions above your notebook. 

“I’m telling you, (Y/N),” a voice lulls you out of the garbled mess of notes you constructed, and so does the gentle warmth of a hand lightly brushing your hair. “Take a break.”

Beside you is a Hufflepuff who's irritatingly being too lax about this whole pressure of the future fiasco—fluffy, brown curls prettily framing a charming face that is absent of the furrowed brows and frown you're currently sporting. Damn, this handsome bastard. (You mean that, of course, in the most affectionate of vexes.)

Kim Seokjin seemed to have been content with his studying for the moment, now leaving it unattended in favor of leaning closer to your chair. You have to wrangle his comforting hand off your head before it could ever tempt you to leisure, straightening your posture in your seat and looking around for Madam Pince. “You know I can’t,” you exasperatedly sigh, smoothing your hair over, “I have to—”

“Have to pass the N.E.W.T.s with flying colors. Yes, yes. I know,” Seokjin finishes the sentence you’ve been reciting since the exam season started, half-heartedly rolling his eyes before he fixes them on you with a look of concern amidst his soft scolding. “But, you won’t be able to do that if you pass out from exhaustion now, will you?”

Like many of your peers in Slytherin, you were ambitious, and you wanted to be many things, but it mostly boils down to potions and magical creatures. From a young age, the adventures of Newt Scamander captured your intrigue the moment you read them—the fascinating animals and all the places in the world that hold these wonders. Stubbornness is both your strength and flaw, your sights set on following his lead regardless if your ambition collided with your parents’ own desire to have you be an auror, instead. 

Before you ever found company in Seokjin and his gaggle of boys, you were a solitary student like Min Yoongi was, spending most of your time with either your cat or the critters you meet in the forest or school grounds, and further cementing magizoology in your heart and mind. (You even befriended a mermaid you often saw through the windows of the Slytherin common room!)

Your parents often frowned upon your plans, immensely upset to hear that after graduating, you intended to be a magizoologist while owning your own apothecary, perhaps even using potions to help treat creatures. (Sort of like a veterinarian in the muggle world—as Seokjin once told you.) 

Granted, you wouldn’t necessarily need to pass the N.E.W.T.s to be a magizoologist, but you needed one for Potions to become a potions master. For petty purposes, you also felt the need to do well in your other subjects, just to rub it in your parents’ face that your future wouldn’t be without direction. Hence, you practically holding up in the library as the dreaded exams approach closer and closer by the day.   

Seokjin, on the other hand, intended on becoming a healer at St. Mungo’s after your final year together at Hogwarts. Surely, with the required credentials for becoming one, he’d understand your plight of worrying about the results of the exams. Yet, here he was, studying earnestly yet knowing where to stop—unlike you, apparently. 

A strict clear of the throat commands your attention elsewhere, Madam Pince standing in the nearest row of bookshelves and sending you both a warning glare that compels you to apologetically nod your head and look back down at the books. You never really go back to reading about how to properly brew Felix Felicis though, head only filled with weighing what to do with Jin’s proposal.

As soon as Madam Pince is surely out of sight, your seatmate lets out a sigh of relief, immediately going back to the conversation that was cut short. “(Y/N), you’re smart and capable,” Seokjin proudly claims, voice hushed lest the librarian returns. There’s a reassuring pat to your shoulder, further loosening the tension in them. “You’ll pass the N.E.W.T.s brilliantly. I’m sure of it.” 

(In truth, Seokjin sometimes thinks you could’ve been a Ravenclaw if your determination to be the greatest magizoologist of your generation was any lesser than your affinity for knowledge.) 

Kim Seokjin with his sure confidence and judgement will always spur some form of jealousy in you one way or the other, but he brings you solace through it nonetheless when he tenderly intertwines his hand with yours under the table and nods his head towards the door in a wordless invite to ditch the rigorous studying. 

You purse your lips, any retort dying unspoken at the truth of his words as you mull over what kind of life you’ve been living lately. 

How many weeks have you been sacrificing precious sleep and food for this? 

How many invites to Hogsmeade or playing wizard chess in the common room did you turn down? 

How many times did you stay in this same exact seat in the library till closing hours?

The thought of spending more times in the Hogwarts library than Madam Pince  herself, dreaded you. Perhaps, this may have been getting out of hand after all. Seokjin doesn’t let it get to his head, why should you? (The perfectionist beast in you hates him.)

Just as you squeeze his hand back in silent affirmation, your fellow Slytherins, Michael Flint and his goons, pass by. Try as you might to ignore their glares and gather your things from the desk, they made their way to your table. “Still hanging around with that mudblood, (L/N)?” he spat, chuckles from the three behind him followed suit. 

In an instant, your blood boils at his words, a headache yet again manifesting. It’s a misfortune to the decent Slytherins of your house that there are still remnants of blood purists like Michael. 

You miss Seokjin’s reaction with the way you were glaring at them like a snake baring its fangs, ready to strike. “Whoever I mingle with isn’t exactly any of your business, Flint,” you steadily drawl, the glint of the small silver pin of the house snake on his necktie reminding you of the one you used to have.

Slytherins are tight knit when it comes to being part of the house, taking care of one’s own and siding with one another. The tie pins and rings are symbolic of being looked after by even the alumni of the house. You suppose people like Michael expect you to blindly follow suit with the principle. Jokes on them. 

“You and Min are a bunch of traitors,” Michael’s sneering nearly knocks the air out of your lungs, “a waste of purebloods.”

It hurts, more than it ever has the right to do so. There's a lump that forms in your throat and a waver in your glare as your hands clenched into fists. 

You know well it's not this mongrel that holds your heart hostage in his hands stabbing it cruelly, but rather, it was the words that he wielded being akin to the ones you had been accustomed to at home—the utter disdain and disappointment of your purity-obsessed parents plunging piercing glares and venomous lectures to your core. It doesn't ache as much as it used to, but you suppose the stress and exhaustion bleeding into your bones have made the walls of your heart weary. 

“Shouldn’t you be studying for the exams instead of poking your nose where it doesn’t belong?” 

Wide shoulders soon block your view of the group. Kim Seokjin, kind and patient as he was, is now an angered badger with claws ready to maul beneath that calmer, solemn fury of a facade he puts in front of them. His height, though not as tall as the Ravenclaw head boy, Kim Namjoon, is still enough to be used as a further point of intimidation. 

Still, ignorant fools like Michael are ignorant and foolish, after all. “Keep your mouth shut, Kim,” he snaps, “I’m not talking to you, yeah?”

You secure your bag as you roll your eyes, snaking your fingers through Seokjin’s and squeezing them to silently tell him to end the discussion now. There’s no use talking this out with jerks like Michael Flint without getting exhausted. Madam Pince will come around at any moment now, too. 

“Your mouth wasn't wanted to talk in the first place, either," Seokjin bites back, his final blow before he swiftly slings his own bag over his shoulder and tucks both his and your books in his hands. 

Relinquishing any time for them to wrangle in an argument, you raise your head once again to dare them yourself. “Your choice of words is repulsive and obsolete, Flint,” you hiss, flashing them an empty smile. “Do change with the times, will you, lads?” 

Fortuitously, Madam Pince’s return to the section allows you and Seokjin to leave without much more of a fuss, hand still in hand. The more the distance between you and the library grows, however, the more you realize how tired you really are. The N.E.W.T.s are nastily exhausting.

You all but steal glances at the young man next to you, just as he decides to pull you to a stop in the corridors. Before he could even open his lips, you’re the first to say a word. “I’m sorry about that,” you sigh, letting yourself crash in the embrace he readily gives you. You take in his scent—a mix of his favorite cologne and the pastries he would be offered to by the kitchen elves for helping them—and you hug him just a bit tighter.

Fingers brush themselves through your hair. “Don’t be,” he hushes, tone back to being light-hearted. “It’s not your fault idiots like them still exist and dirty Slytherin’s name.”

He’s being nice and moving on from the issue, even when they don’t deserve his kindness. It’s easy for others to take Seokjin’s friendliness and composure for granted, especially when his house is reputable for being modest. “Still,” you insist, looking up at him, “you don’t deserve to be called such things.”

Kim Seokjin is worth a thousand times more than that filthy word—worth more than his weight in galleons. 

He’s the one who once waited for you outside the library door at night and snuck you into the kitchens to help one of the elves make you a meal because you missed dinner. 

He’s the one who once spent hours with you looking for your cat throughout the castle, constantly assuring you that you two would find your beloved pet. 

He’s the one who once fetched you in the pouring rain after your parents disowned you last summer, convincing his parents to let you stay with them until you got your bearings.   

You would go far as to say he’s your other half—one of the people you undoubtedly plan to include in your greater plans in life. Perhaps, when you’ve travelled the world and then some, you and him would be together, settling down somewhere. You and him would build an establishment for treating both wizards, witches, and creatures. You and him would finally be able to look at each other and say—  

"Are you okay, (Y/N)?"

Knocked out of your stupor, only now have you come to realize the hand cupping your cheek, wiping away at your tears. Seokjin’s eyes stare back at you worriedly as you cast your eyes down. "No," you find yourself admitting this hoarsely, heart always vulnerable and honest with him. 

You want to be the best—for your younger self, your cruel parents, and him. You want to pay him back for his kindness and give him all of your love in return. You want to return from your endeavors and—

There’s a tender kiss that plants itself on your forehead, and in turn, nourishing the warmth and the butterflies within you. The silence beats for only a few seconds further before Seokjin pulls away, a soft smile on his lips as he does so. "Let's go to the kitchen for a short break, hm?" he says, wiping the last of your tears away as you look at his chest. Curses, you’ve stained his sweater vest. 

"Come along," he further urges you, earnestly tugging at your hand with genuine promise. "Your Jinnie will cook for you."

The small beginnings of a smile blooms from your lips. After a long, arduous time of studying, yes, a short break does sound nice.

[detectivemaker]

idea dump

This is just me jumping out ideas I've been having into The Fray

1. I've been seeing a lot of DC My Little Pony stuff especially Batman My Little Pony,  here's the Dork Squad and Michael and my MLP AU  that I probably won't write much about after I dump this into the world 

Jervis is either a unicorn who can't do magic so good (sort of like retrovrt's Pony Jervis) or non unicorn Type of Pony who really wants to be a unicorn (for anyone who also has an Instagram and follows @hatterhare, it's sort of like their version of pony Jervis)

Jonathan is a unicorn who due to experiments by his father was turned into  sort of a hybrid changeling creature who feeds on fear and can't shapeshift,  what makes it worse is that not soon after his horrible transformation he got his cutie mark, so it was his Destiny to be horribly mutated into a fear sustained abomination

Edward is a Pegasus blank flank,  he hides the fact that he is a talentless loser by trying to be the smartest guy in all the Equestria,   my idea is that he thought the best way to find his talent was to learn about different things, but he sent so much of his time learning those things he never actually did them to see if they were what he was destined to be good at

And finally Michael he's a draconoquist,  he sort of a lesser draconoquist cuz he's  only made up of snake and Cat parts, he's a draconic lord of insanity (still in training, his dad's the ascended Lord of insanity and that guy's pretty possessive of that title), but he says he's the draconic Lord of love when he's freed from his Stone prison he was put in by his father by the Dork Squad, who got into the heated argument (it was mostly John and Edward fighting jervis was trying to make them stop), and he bribes them into helping him gain more power by spreading Insanity (which will make him powerful so he can go back to the  draconoquist Dimension and kick his dad's ass to become the new ascended Lord of insanity) by promising them these things

To either turn Jervis into a unicorn or get rid of his pounding magic induced headaches

Give Edward the knowledge of what to do to get his cutie mark

And nothing for  Jonathan,  and he would undo the horrible hybridization he went through, but that's part of his Destiny and Michael cannot screw  with Destiny, so he just uses the old finger Boop  induced draconic hypnotism and make  him help

2. So you guys know that fetch me the souls audio,  I listen to a song that had it in there and I had this idea, about Michael absolutely  body horror transforming our favorite tree of dorks in to creatures I can best imagine as sort of like Hellraiser demons, and then absolutely evacuating the minds and making them more attack dogs than actual people, this idea also Associates this idea I have from time to time of all of them being stripped of one of their senses (think sort of like See No Evil Hear No Evil speak no evil monkeys)

jervis loses the ability to speak,  but not the ability to make noise, he's rendered the most animalistic of the three and can only make animal noises, also he's given a dog muzzle, I think either he wears no clothes or just some pants, and walks around like a dog

Jonathan is stripped of the ability of sight,  dressed up like a demented priest,  his eyes are covered by a blindfold either decorated with eye imagery or snake imagery, and can now  only yell words,  just imagine you a burglar, you just entered some weird Victorian hell mansion and just escaped a dog man, you walk into a place that looks like the interior of a church, suddenly some guy standing at the older whips his head around that your footsteps, points at you and he  yells the word heresy at the top of his lungs,  then you're tackled from behind by the dog man who  heard that and then your throat is ripped out with his terrible filthy dog man claws

Edward lost the ability to hear, he just doesn't have ears, he's the most normal looking other than the lack of ears but he sure can see pretty good

3, so I've been thinking about the hattercrow kids relationship with their grandmother, more specifically the grandmother on crane's side,  my John doesn't really know the specifics of his birth but he think it might either be   teen pregnancy or rape, maybe a little bit of both, but what he does know is his mother's is current location,  he informs the children when Dorothy is 20 and the twins are 10, they decide to visit their gram gram and have a pretty good time, John comes to,  reconnects with his absent mother  who gives him a hug and her cookbook, he comes back home and he doesn't stop smiling till next week

They don't really visit much after that, John and his mom text and call every once in awhile,  but not soon after the move back to Gotham Mrs crane kicks the bucket, and John cries harder than he did in that  Crow Barn

He never does learn about the circumstances of his birth, his mom asked if he wanted to know but he said he didn't, and truth be told he actually does not, it doesn't really matter he was born, he lived hated,  and now he's being loved by a wonderful husband and wonderful children, and  though only a little while a mother he barely knew and cried like a baby for

[dinofelissnow1985]

Of Birds and Butterflies

by DinofelisSnow1985

Chapter 9

"Sans, i'm booooooored," Red complained.

Just a few days ago had Toriel put him to sleep and treated the old fractures on his spine, rendering him completely immobile and helpless.

Toriel had demanded that they were never to leave Red alone, he could panic and do, or at least try, something that might further damage his healing spine.

That's why Sans moved part of his work to Red's room. Mostly small parts or other things he was tinkering with and his Laptop. While he was working he talked with Red, answered his questions and got him whatever he needed or wanted.

Sometimes he helped Red with his learning since the small skeleton planned on taking the next test as soon as his spine was healed.

Right now Sans was tapping away on his Laptop and Red couldn't do anything other than listening to the clicker-clacker of the keys.

Sans looked up, checked the time and turned his attention to Red. "Huh. Never thought one of us were even able to say such a thing."

Red, whose neck was in a brace, rolled his head towards him and scowled at Sans.

Sans saved his file and closed the Laptop before turning to fully face Red. "Something you wanna talk about? Or wanna know?"

Red took the time to think about it before he spoke. "Now tha' i think 'bout i', told'ja 'bout mah 'verse but never heard how Blue's was or 'ow ya got outta da unnergroun'."

"That's an easy one. Long story short, the Kid broke the barrier."

Red cocked a browbone. "Kid? Like in Monster Kid? Dey can't ev'n break der arm! 'Ow could dey break da fucking barrier?"

Sans chuckled and shook his head. "Okay. One, that was kinda crude. And Two, i was talking about the human."

Red blinked uncomprehending.

"The anomaly?" Sans tried.

"Still no fucking idea what'cha talkin' 'bout."

Sans felt at a loss. He took a few seconds to sort his thoughts. "Okay,... How many Souls had the King collected when you left your AU?"

"Six."

"And you never met a human kid? A determined one?"

"Nope," Red replied, popping the p.

"Okay, listen. I guess, since your AU is pretty much like mine, only hostile, your King and Queen once had a son and adopted the first fallen human?"

Red nodded, as much as he could with the neckbrace. "Yeah, ever'one knows 'bout dat. Human kid got sick an' died, de prince took der Soul ta cross de barrier and got deadly hurt. Asgore swore revenge and ordered ta kill 'r capture every human ta harvest der Souls. Since den we got six. And were still waitin' for the last one ta fall."

Sans mulled this over. "But the eighth human never fell in your universe."

"Uh-uh," Red replied and if he had been able to he would've shook his head.

Sans took a deep breath. "Good. Now i know where we stand. So, in this world the last human fell, and because of their high amount of Determination they were able to manipulate time. They could SAVE and LOAD and even RESET. And they RESETTED a lot of times. They tried every possible way to reach their goal, only to RESET again for several hundred of times, until they finally gave us our happy ending and broke the barrier. Tori adopted them as her child and they promised me to never RESET again. Oh, by the way, don't talk to the others about the RESETS. I'm the only one here who is aware of them, besides the kid."

"Why?"

Sans shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe because i'm the Judge. Or because i have some DT myself thanks to Gaster's experiments. Perhaps there is no actual reason, who knows."

"Waddaya mean wi' 'dey tried ev'ry possible way'?"

Sans looked uncomfortable and visibly fought with himself before he finally took some deep breaths. "Fine, listen. They were curious. When they made it to the Judgment Hall for the first time they had rushed through the Underground, avoiding as many encounters as they could in order to make it out alive. Then they got killed by Asgore, but their Determination brought them back to a certain point before the encounter with the King and they tried again.

After several dozens of tries they made it to the surface and took the time to think. If they could go back in time, they could explore the Underground and their possibilities, maybe befriend us, find a way to get us out, anything.

So they RESETTED for the first time and took their sweet time to befriend every monster in the ruins before moving on. They did a complete pacifist run, only to dust Asgore in the end again.

Then the Kid decided to try the same thing again but without killing Fluffybuns. That's when they broke the barrier for the first time.

But something happened, i guess. They RESETTED again and this time killed one of the more common monsters. Y'know like the Froggits or Pyropes.

With every RESET they dusted more monsters, tested which ones they could kill and still break the barrier, as well as what would change when they acted differently in certain situations.

They really tried every. Fucking. Possibility. They kinda lost control for a while and did lots of Genocide runs and sometimes would go 'neutral' or even 'pacifist' randomly.

They found pleasure in messing with me when they noticed i remembered the RESETS, and Flowey's meddling wasn't really helpful, tibia honest.

After i don't know how much RESETS i tried to talk to the Kid. Unsuccessful.

I don't know what changed again but when i was on the verge of breaking, they did an 180 and regained their humanity. They regretted deeply ever killing any monster and finally did a last Pacifist run and gave us the surface.

They promised me to never RESET ever again. Somehow their weird time magic only worked when they were at - or under - Mt. Ebott, so they'd need to go there in order to RESET or even SAVE and LOAD. So as long as they stay away from that mountain i can chill.

We actually became friends again and they used to babysit Saphy before you came along."

"Dat's quite da story, dude. I sure would'a lost mah shit early on, consid'rin' de shitshow mah life was 'fore i got 'ere. Dun ev'n wanna spec'late what da human in mah world would be like."

Red thought for a few seconds.

"Ya said Flowey messed wid'cha? Mah Flowey's a coward but actually a nice guy. But i also saw some monsters at Grillby's i never met in mah 'verse... And who's dat Gaster guy ya mentioned?"

Sans furrowed his nonexistend brows in a surprised manner. "A genuinely nice Flowey? Welp, seems to be one of the bigger differences between our worlds. And after everything you told us about your universe i'm more surprised there's still a MK around than about some monsters not existing in your world."

Red scoffed. "Nobody dares ta touch Monster Kid. Dey are some sort of pet mascot ta fishbitch. And no one messes with fishbitch. Some a mah scars an' de crack on mah neck vertebra are from when she used me fer target practice. Almost decapitated me, damn bitch." Red muttered the last sentence under his breath.

While Sans still tried to digest that last bit of information, Red already found the next thing to ask about.

"So, what 'bout Gaster? Finally tell me."

Sans scratched the back of his skull, collecting his thoughts. "Well, i don't know how YOUR Gaster was characterwise, but some things are always the same. For One, Gaster is one of the few monsters still alive that lived during the war against the humans, besides Tori, Asgore and Grillbz. Two, he built the Core. Three, he was the Royal Scientist before Alphys. Four, he experimented with Souls and DT to find a way to break the barrier. And Five, he fell into the Core and got scattered across Time and Space.

While using the Machine i found a lot of timelines where Gaster was still there, and the readings created everytime a different picture. Sometimes he created us, or was our biological father, or took us in. Sometimes he treated us with love and care, indifferent if we were his children, creations or whatever. And sometimes we were just lab rats to him.

One way or the other the Sans, or the one in his place, depending on the universe, got some DT injected, either to save their life or as part of an experiment. Now that i think about it, actually that might be why we can remember RESETS, rather than being the Judge.

Whatever, when my Gaster disappeared i had a gap in my memory, just like you, Red. It came back to me when i explored our basement for the first time and found what was left from his private projects. You should know, at least in this world, our house in Snowdin used to belong to him and he used the basement for some of his experiments.

He also created the Machine, just never got to finish it. I found the blueprints, did some calculations and completed it. Now i use it to study the multiverse."

Red's expression turned thoughtful and serious. "So..., tha' time i can't 'member was when boss and me were wi' Gaster? Hmmm..., ya know, ever'time i think 'bout thos' lost... i think it hafta be three years,... i get tha' feelin' tha' things were better back den, dat dere had been someone who cared 'bout us an' protected us. If what ya're saying is true den my Gaster was a good guy an' i lost not only someone close ta me but a chance of a better life than i act'lly had. Dat's... pr'tty depressin' when ya think 'bout i'."

Red fell into dark brooding silence.

...

After a while Sans quietly asked, "you okay, buddy? What can i do for you?"

Red's breath hitched at first when he tried to answer, before he got a grip on himself. "W-would... would'ja... rub mah skull? Feels nice..." he mumbled hesitantly.

Sans smiled softly, scooted closer to the bed and put a gentle hand on Red's skull. He stroked his thumb lightly over the scarred and chipped surface of Red's skull before he started to rub slow circles into his cranium, occasionally pausing his hand to rub his thumb over Red's temple.

After a while the recovering skeleton began to purr.

Both relaxed and fell into a comfortable silence, only broken by faint sounds from outside and Red's rusty, motor-like purring.

[lovelywingsart]

Here's an update, I promise I am alive!!!

I actually just got done playing Resident Evil 4 Remake, as well as replaying Village for a 4th time to work out some more details for Metalworks!

- RE4R was AWESOME, and it's officially the second RE game I've finished!!! I really loved it even though I did need some help from friends, and I do plan on eventually playing the other games as well! 😊💙 My favorite character was Luis, and yes I shot Krouser in the face with a rocket launcher. If you know, you know.

- Despite it being my 4th playthrough of Village(which I hopped into last night immediately after finishing 4R), I actually noticed a few things I hadn't before, specifically in Donnas section, which of course led into a few new headcanons both for Donnas part AND Karls(mostly Emelia), and even RE8!Mica thanks to Donna. I actually took a bunch of screenshots when playing as well, because I have... plans. 👀 Screenshot 'rendering' plans, like the one I did a while ago for Emelia. 👀👀👀

- This requires its own section because I'm including pictures, BUT- I also took the chance while going through the factory to write out some details about Emelias part of the game!

I've been meaning to write it out with a bit more detail, and I'm actually ADDING detail to it to flesh it out a bit more; but once the initial meeting in the Foundry is fleshed out, y'all are getting a Metalworks Main Timeline story for the first time in fucking forever. I'll *eventually* work out the meeting in the Survival AU, because there are some massive differences (other than the obvious). But I worked through the initial meeting as well as placement and all (done while looking around the room in game and all), and a nice chunk for what would be her Mini-Boss fight. What I DONT have is, obviously, the inclusion of items and all you'd be able to pick up for the fight, or the placement of her own 'diary' except for the very last page you find. I ALSO didn't include the part with selling the crystals to Duke which I just noticed, but I'll add that in later!

I dont think I'll play Shadows of Rose again immediately since it's also pretty fresh in my brain, and its easier to watch a playthrough since it's a simple layout/story instead of 'so much detail that a YouTuber would typically skip over but I need'. I'll work more on that at a later time when I'm farther into the Survival AU and get done alot of other things I want to do!

**If I DO write fully for the DLC, it will most likely be, like, 2 stories. One for her meeting Rose and another for when they beat Miranda again. There isn't too much in between.

But... yeah!! There's my massive text wall update.

Uploading to Instagram has been paused for a bit and I've been suffering through a depressingly large bour of art block(and probably impostor syndrome), hence why I played Village. It definitely helped, and I have a bunch of ideas for warm up before other big things.

Dear Mother is one of those things, as I've been stuck in the middle of the sketch because I hit a blank when halfway done. 🙃 BUT I'm gonna do a few things beforehand while hopefully chipping away at it, and once I get over the little speed bump of a panel I should be good!

I hope yall are as excited as I am, I'm really hoping that my brain works out fully to actually do everything I want. Its been a cycle of 'on and off again' for a good few weeks... hence why I took a break to play Resi. I figured it might help me clear my head a little and give some new ideas.

Here's hoping it works!! 💙

[vixenofthemist]

SoulSilverShipping x Genshin Impact bc I missed drawing them and Genshin is my new fixation lol

Some brain dumping under the cut about like their weapons and constellations!!

[click for better quality]

I really debated over whether legendaries should dictate visions or starter/main pkmn should, and I’ve decided it’s up to the rule of cool lol. It’s a character by character basis xD

Originally Lyra had an Anemo vision and Silver had Pyro given by Lugia and Ho-oh, but I felt like with these two especially having their visions based off their starter Pokemon made the most sense? Since this game era focuses on having that strong relationship with your poke’s and Silver’s whole character arc is him coming to love his pkmn it seemed more right so I switched it last minute to be Pyro!Lyra and Hydro!Silver.

(Like I said above tho this au goes off the rule of cool so I’m thinking Dawn might have Cryo even tho no legendaries or starters would give her that but that’s beside the point rn ajdk)

ANYWAY some basic mechanics stuff for these two that is really basic bc I don’t think too much about game mechanics bc I mainly go off fav characters in Genshin rather then abilities aglhhs

Lyra

First of all: Lyra was made to be Genshin-ified. Like she’s already pretty close to Amber clothes wise so it was just really fun to play around and give her that Genshin feel!! She could absolutely be given more small details like Genshin loves to do but,,, small details are my weakness amdjsj

Weapon: Sword or Catalyst, tho I’m leaning sword bc she gives me Bennett energy play style wise!!

Constellation: Cyndaquill

Play style: I’m thinking, again, Lyra is versatile like Bennett where she can be built for either support or DPS, but her skills lean more DPS the more constellations you unlock to kind of emulate her becoming champion. Jokingly rn her Q is to hit a pokeball esq pyro sphere with her sword like a baseball bat to cause AoE pyro damage, but that may or may not stay LMAO

fun fact: her gloves are based off her Pokegear :>

Silver

Im not gonna lie. Silver was a pain.

and tbh I will probably change his design every time I draw it bc I am just. Not happy with it but also I have no idea what else to do ASJS his outfit is just so plain?? Like, wtf am I supposed to do with baggy pants and a jacket all the same color?? Lmao long story short I had the exact opposite experiencing designing silver then I did with Lyra lmao. Very in character xD

Weapon: Claymore, bc I feel like Silver wants to be a DPS Diluc so bad bc that’s like, the most powerful in his mind so ofc he’s gonna use a claymore to deal the most damage.

Constellation: Totodile

Play style: one things for sure: Silver is not Diluc, and at C0 he isn’t a good DPS at all and would actually be a good support or buff unit but he refuses to be bc that’s "weak" and he doesn’t travel with anyone so those abilities would be useless anyway lol. But as his constellation unlocks he DOES get better at DPS and his Q deals a lot of damage (bc it’s totodile line it’s gonna pack a punch) BUT it’s reliant on him buffing others with his E. I have no idea if that would actually work in game but story wise I like it a lot akdj

Fun fact: Earring :3

[lazycheesecakeee]

Feelings, or lack thereof

Feelings, desires, addiction, adulation. With Hyunjae anything was possible but maybe it actually wasn’t. He was smart, bold, assertive, attentive and admirable. And you got to experience it all. The inner turmoil included.

Pairing: Lee Hyunjae x reader, a bit, like hints of Sunwoo too 

Genre: kinda fwb type of arrangement... kinda more, SMUT, angst, university au, kinda fluffy

Warnings: SMUT, curse words, kinda questionable writing but ya know I tried, also waay too long Idk what got into me :))))

Word count: 29.4K 

------------

Oh feelings. What a trap. What a way to separate what you would like to be from who you are.

You've hated your deep feelings since seemingly forever. Why should I be the one that is sensitive? Why can't I be strong and careless??!

Those would be questions running through your mind every so often. But now, at 2 in the morning, when you are exiting his apartment for the 2nd time this week after another hook up, and it's raining, it's almost like you want to hate yourself even more. But only a quiet laugh of self-pity comes out, stopping you from bawling your eyes out.

'It would mingle with the rain', you thought.

Ah Hyunjae. You casually met. You became friends. Or like... close acquaintances. Good acquaintances. He was just so good with people. But most importantly, good to you. You didn’t have to think twice before wanting to be around him. However, being around him and fucking him weekly were 2 very different sides, and you felt them both plenty, especially the latter.

You know you did it to yourself. You had these periods of being in a slump, depressed and anxious and he came at the "right" time to soothe all your pains. Maybe that's why you feel attached, despite knowing you skipped a lot of steps rendered normal for any relationship, to get where you are, in each other's beds.

You even promised yourself you wouldn't get involved since you knew from the very start it would be inevitable with you. The feelings. The self-pity. And still.

He was so enticing. Maybe it was the safety his hugs provided. Maybe it was the fact that he was nice to you when other people seemed to be done with you. Or maybe it was that he noticed you when you were normally kept on being invisible. Oh Hyunjae. Always the one to be sweet to you.

Or maybe it was all in your head, and how you chose to perceive his actions towards you. He might have been like that for everyone. He was an extrovert after all. He has friends. He could speak for himself. He could go around. Imposing. Talented. Pretty. Sweet. So many adjectives in which not only you but anyone who knew him could describe him. Yet to you he was admirable.

So, it was natural you gave in. From the first time you kissed in a haze, to that damned time it escalated, and he took such good care of you, all the way through. From kissing you, to the way he was so adamant about exploring your body, to the way he knew how to push your buttons, and the way he was holding you... of course you would get on your knees for him. And not only when he asked you.

And now, a mere 2 months later, you were seemingly blindly gone with the feelings, carried away, and you knew, he was probably just enjoying the sex.

At first hangouts were just a relaxing time to vent with friends. But now, it mostly wasn't the case anymore. Your hangouts were now mostly turned hook-ups. And how could they not? It made sense in a way. Yet on second thoughts you might have liked it better before.

-

The hopeful part of you. You'll always be damned. It always seemed to screw you over. Always hitting you with the "what if's"... 'What if he feels something too', 'what if I am not stupid'. 'He gets me'. 'What if this could grow into something'.

But you knew that part it's usually just hopefulness, foolish optimism inherited from your childhood, when your favourite hobby was also to explore possibilities and imagine things that wouldn't happen. Yet the hobby didn't leave in adulthood.

But back then it was easy, you think. You were protected by the naivety of being young, and by your parents. Mistakes couldn't be so catastrophic. And you would be forgiven anyway. Your feelings could get that hurt, you would be protected. Not that hardly judged. You were a child after all. You could afford to be foolish. Your happiness that came from those scenarios couldn't really hurt you. But oh it can hurt you now.

You arrive pretty soon at your apartment and choose to go straight to sleep. 'Change, take the make-up off and hopefully the amount of stress caused by college work and some early morning classes will take the mind off of the extracurricular activities with him' you plan.

'Damn Lee Hyunjae and his amazing smile', you thought as you turned off the side lamp and set your alarm.

-

You like the mornings. Always have, always will. Something most people hate. Ok, maybe you don't like all of them, especially since you've been stressed lately, but the feeling of the fresh air after waking up and the start of a new day along with some strong coffee and maybe a pastry could definitely make you feel nice.

Plus, classes this morning were not bad. And you would meet your best friend, Lia. And you would be off by lunch. And you don’t hate your part time job that much. And...

'See? All the good opportunities to have your mind off of your thoughts' you said to yourself. Reasoning with yourself was an usual habit to you.

Yet you don't realize in the process of thought who has snicked up behind you. Sunwoo. He hugs you from behind a little too tight. He likes to startle you.

"Can you fucking stop doing that all the fucking time?" You half yell and elbow him.

'Damn him too' you thought. Mischievous little shit. Of course, you were SO fond of him and your friendship. You were kinda made to bicker and be loud and pointlessly flirt and steal each other's stuff and get on each other's nerves. Others knew. Your teachers were frowning when you sat together. But it was the way it was. And you liked it. Simple. Easy. Or was that even it?

'He is smart', you thought many times, 'the kind of smart I wish I was'. But of course, you would never say that to him.

He is the one who introduced you to Hyunjae in the first place. Damn Kim Sunwoo and his many good-looking friends. Damn Lee Hyunjae. Damn yourself. You had it bad.

"Auch you are gonna bruise me one day. Why are you so in thought this morning anyway?" He said as he pulled on your backpack to hold you back.

"A girl must think dumbass...plus it's 7 in the morning. How come you are speaking at this hour?" You mock him.

"For you I will always speak" he smirks.

You give him a signature unimpressed face and roll your eyes. "WHY? Just to remind me of how annoying you are?"

"Just to remind you of how much I am the light of your life" he said in a sarcastically cheerful tone. "Do you want coffee? I will even pay"

"Damn, since when are you so self-sacrificial?" you ask trying to seem impressed.

"Shut up. Do you want it or not?" He retorts.

"Oh, I will take anything good I can get from you" You say mocking his useless flirts.

"Bet" he smirks.

This was your relationship with him. Some people that knew the two of you wondered if you liked each other at all. Some wondered if you were together. Or maybe no one did. Maybe you both were invisible. You like to think so. Regardless, it was you and him. It made sense. And you loved the moments with him. Lately more than ever. They could take your mind off of anything. And you needed to distract yourself.

-

Your classes went by easily, as expected. You were oddly energetic. You finished your shift at your job. And you didn't see Hyunjae at all today, which you deem good. Although, as the day went by and you grew more tired, your thoughts were always seemingly going back to him and your 'relationship'.

It was odd that you were almost trying to avoid him a little lately, while at the same time wanting to see him to tell him about your day, how it was decent, but you were a bit tired. He always listened to these pointless stories. You were very conflicted.

As the day was coming to an end you decided to go get some dinner since you hated cooking. You called Lia, your trusty friend who also hated cooking and generally doing things.

You love that woman. You are so happy to have her by your side in college. The random-est talks and convos, her willingness for your random ideas, the relate-ability. Sharing with her, talking, confessing, being around each other, it all seemed natural seemingly since day 1 you guys talked. You were SO appreciative of this friendship.

It was fun, always fun to discuss random subjects with her while having cheap food and complaining about life. You decided to get pizza from the corner shop together.

What you didn't expect was the next subject.

"You know. I don't mean to interfere but" she said almost warily.

You two were not like that in normal convos.

"But what?" You said eyeing her with suspicion.

"You know I had the marketing class this morning with Hyunjae and.."

You were catching on. They knew each other briefly as you knew his friends too. Random acquaintances.

"And?" You continue trying to seem unfazed but were all of the sudden really preoccupied by the straw in your drink.

"And he asked if you were good. He said he didn't get a chance to talk to you last night and you left abruptly as you were probably busy."

You are a bit puzzled. Were you that weird last night? Enough for him to ask that. You didn't know whether to be glad he thinks of you or just run for your life.

She sighs. "Look I don't know the exact nature of your endeavours, even as your closest friend and I don't mean to get in there bu-"

"It's nothing. We just happened to see each other. And I had early class, so I left maybe abruptly last evening but it's nothing." You say as you realize how fast your heart started to beat.

"Sure, it's nothing" she said with a roll of her eyes, in a monotone voice. "Girl you sus af... But look. You don't have to explain anything you don't want. You've always had a soft spot for him. I could see it. You guys hung out a lot. And you have been oddly busy lately. You are stressed and irritated. I am just saying if there is something, anything you wanna talk about, you know we can always get good conversations and make inside jokes out of our suffering, right?"

"Yes mom, thank you" you say with a roll of your eyes. But you were really appreciative.

This is why you were such close friends. She didn't know even close the extent of the so called "endeavours" as she chose to put it. But she could sense your feelings, read you well.

You almost saw her everyday anyways as you had 4 actual friends in total and she was in the same college as you, although different classes.

"Yeah I know. Thanks for always sticking with my dumbass" you sat with a smile.

"Pretty sure we can't get rid of each other now" she laughed and didn't go further with the discussion.

After a bit you said your good-byes, you drove to your apartment, not before giving her a lift to her dorms.

However, much to your dismay you were now starting to think again. About him. About you.

About everything that seemed to stress you. Maybe you did "need a chill pill" as Sunwoo always says. 'Pft, like he doesn't need it more than me anyway', you said as your little soliloquy.

-

 The next time you saw Hyunjae was in one of your two shared classes. You used to bond over how much you hate this one. It is hard and the teacher does not explain things well. And there are so many assignments and projects to present.

Your anxiety manages to get the best of you. Now not only were you anxious because you didn't get much sleep trying to finish your presentation, you were also pumped with expresso shots and he was also there in your face. You chose to sit alone first rows which you never did, because you wanted to go first and get rid of it. What surprised you is when he took the seat next to you. Of course. God you wish you weren't so anxious but the more you tried to sit still the more your hands seem to shake and your heartbeat to run and...

"Hey" he said softly while putting a hand on your knee, trying to steady your leg, which was bouncing harder than it needed to, gesture of trying to calm you down.

Your thoughts were going at 1000 per hour and if you weren't so anxious about public presentations, you would have thought about what a contrast that gesture is compared to the way he touches you lately.

"Hi" you said and you never realized that you actually needed to take a deep breath since the anxiety was strong.

"Breathe, ok? You've done this before. Last time you didn't seem that nervous" he said comforting.

"Yeah. I... I don't know I guess today is not my day, I am more anxious than usual. But I am good I promise." You try to convince yourself.

"Yes you are good. You always have it in you, despite circumstances. You just need to go, and it will be done before you know." He says softly.

'God you are so full of shit' You thought to yourself. You laugh. You never seem to do that well according to your standards. The voice cracks and the gasping for air makes you lack professionalism as some would say. But he always chooses to aim his words at soothing your unsurfaced feelings.

"I hope my voice doesn't break completely or I lose my English completely again" you say bitterly laughing.

"You still pulled through even then. You got it, no matter what. And you have me here first row for you. What more could you ask for?" He jokes to lighten the mood as he makes soothing patterns on your knee.

You roll your eyes at "what more could you want?". Hm. Funny he says that.

As the teacher gets in, you inhale deeply and prepare yourself. He grips your thigh once for reassurance and pushes you to the front.

The presentation goes fine. Not great. Just averagely right. Therefore, you are pleased. Grateful it's done.

When you get back, he grips your thigh again as he whispers "You did good" in your hair.

God this man can have your soul and you wouldn’t mind.

It's not like he whispers how good you are doing when he is pounding into you while holding you down with a bit too much force, you think to yourself again. Anyways. It's the way he does it so naturally too, that reminds you why you keep going back against your better judgement.

You think it could have been easier to quit him if you stopped at the right time. But you were greedy. You wanted to have everything he has to offer, apparently even at the expense of your own sanity.

-

 Nothing soothed your nerves, stress, or moods like his touch. It's like he knew perfectly from day 1 what you wanted. What you craved. So no wonder you decided to skip lunch today before work just to go to his apartment. It was all so natural. Getting in the same car. Doing the same thing for the nth time. It was intoxicating. Like a sugar rush. How his kisses clouded your judgement. Late at night or 1 in the afternoon you wanted the high, seemingly more than anything.

He unlocked the door and pressed you against it. Kissing your lips. Kissing your neck. His knee going between your thighs. He likes to tease you endlessly.

"Can you just get on with it?" You said in a raspy breath, hands tugging at his hair while he is kissing deep down the cleavage of your shirt.

"Someone's impatient" he laughed, undoing your shirt fully and throwing it somewhere.

"I have shit to do" You roll your eyes at him and take off his shirt, kissing down his torso instead of properly replying.

It was like a routine. And to a certain extent you were so very fond of routine. But this was something else.

You rushed it sometimes. Maybe it was because you thought it would save you, the less time you spent around him. But you knew each time you gave into this that it was only taking your soul further into the pits of your personalized hell, no matter how heavenly his touches were.

His groans were heavenly. You liked that you had that power. God how you wish you could just let him have all the power over you and you can just throw yourself into him without hesitating.

You both land on the bed and he flipped you two over and he started undoing your jeans. "You seem deep in thought." he says while pressing his lips on top of the wet spot on your underwear, producing a whimper instead of a response.

This fucker knew what he was doing each time and before you processed anything, you felt his lips lick down your wet folds, underwear to the side. You moan and grip his hair while shutting your eyes.

"So, tell me. What are you thinking about?" He said while taking off your last piece of clothing, leaving you completely bare in front of him once again. He liked to start conversations that you couldn't finish.

"God. You must know everything, huh?" You say squirming and get up to grab his face to look at you. "Just please fuck me already".

"Anything if you ask nicely, like the good girl you are" he says and kisses your lips and down you exposed cleavage, closer and closer to your core. You love every second.

His fingers run through your wet folds and start circling your clit, as his mouth explores your chest further.

"Yes. Just like that" you say. As if he doesn’t know it perfectly already from all the times he's done it.

You sit up to undo his jeans and motion for him to discard them. And usually, he would take his time teasing you further but this time he just ditches them along with the underwear, his erection springing free, inviting you to take him like you have done so many times before.

You lick your lips and reach for the drawer, taking out a condom and fastly rolling it on. Surely you both liked to do it raw, since you were on birth control and you both seemed to be into the breeding kink a little too much, but for certain times when you were lazy or rushed to clean the mess so you had this arrangement.

You take him in your mouth a few times for better lubrication and hear him groan as he holds your hair. You use your hand to pump him further while kissing up his abs.

He gently grabs your throat and throws you back onto the sheets. Ah yes. The manhandling.

You spread your legs widely as he guides his hard-on to just rest on your folds, teasing the head over your clit. He liked to watch your body tighten, squirming under his touch. He always liked seeing you beg for more. And Lord knows you were always willing to beg for him.

You braced yourself for the first thrust. No matter how many times he did it already, how clouded your mind was, you always craved more.

He smoothed his hands over your thighs and slips into you effortlessly, your walls tightening around him. Your body always seemed to react the same. No matter the emotions plaguing your heart and the conflicted thoughts racing through your mind, your body just couldn’t wait to feel him pound into you again and again.

“Mm, fuck,” Hyunjae groaned when he bottomed out. He stood at the edge of the bed and hooked your knees in the bends of his arms, settling you right into a rhythm that rocked you in the mattress.

You closed your eyes and gripped the sheets, whimpering for him once again.

"Mmm. Faster please" you moan.

And he complies. He was satisfied and you could feel the smirk on his face at how much pleasure you got.

"You feel so good baby" he whispered in your ear.

You sighed. God he was killing you each time. He could ask for anything and you would give it to him.

There was always something with him. Something new, exciting, he could keep you there. Under him. Physically and metaphorically, rocking your life from the very core.

The little whimpers and exhales, and the resounding slap of burying himself between your legs sent a tingle down his spine, making his stomach tighten. You liked the view of his flexing abs more than you liked to admit.

He leaned his head back, eyes rolling closed. “Fuck,” he growled in a low snarl, gripping your legs a little harder and picking up the pace.

That growls made you crazy with lust for him. Reaching for him, you wanted your hands on his body, wanted his lips on your neck. He met your eyes and let you guide him without a word.

You popped your legs around his waist and smoothed your palms down his lower back.

He kept himself raised, putting his hands on your sides, pumping his length into you faster and shivering at the sudden feel of your nails digging in his back.

“Just like that, baby,” you say in a breathy voice, setting your fingertips into the skin of his hips. “You fuck me so good.”

He loved and hated when you talked like that. It made him insane; It took all he could do not to come into you then and there.

You gasped slightly in surprise when he crashed his lips on yours, silencing you with his tongue.

You made a noise against his mouth, his hips colliding heavily with yours. You were holding him tightly to you. Even as he throttled into your body hard and rough, his kisses were different. Or maybe you liked to think so.

'He really is the death of me' you thought.

You started moving your hips against him to match his strokes, feeling yourself getting closer. He sat up and met your eyes. "You gonna cum for me?"

You only nodded.

He moved his hips rapidly, fast. His hands gripped your waist as always, hard enough to bruise, holding you in place. You liked it

You squirmed close to the edge as you felt him twitch. The bed creaked loudly from his movements. You knew he wouldn’t last much longer and neither did you. Finally, you shudder with orgasm and when he felt your grip on his length he let loose too. You rolled on the bed, shaking with release and you gripped the comforter to bury your face and body in the sheets. He held you tight with no chance of escape, keeping himself bottomed inside you, milking the last of his high.

“Fucking good girl,” Hyunjae panted before pulling out. "You always take me so well"

"Yeah" you sigh breathlessly, not having the energy to come up with something sarcastic. You loved the praises anyway.

He held you a bit longer, spooning you from behind. He always did that. You knew how sweet he is when he isn't fucking your brains out. You would linger sometimes. It felt nice. But not lately, as it was too nice. And certainly not now, that you had work in 40 minutes.

You tried to get up to quickly wash and refresh for work.

"No." He said snatching you back in the sheets, gripping you tighter and not letting you leave the bed.

"Listen Lee Hyunjae, I have work in 40 minutes" you say grabbing and showing him your phone "And you know that too. I don't have time for your moods" you turn to glare at him with fake annoyance.

"Ugh, fineee" he says as he puts his hands in the air freeing you.

You have been here, at his apartment so many times now. You could easily get around.

You grabbed your clothes, your bag and got in the bathroom. Within 5 minutes you were out and dressed. He was also dressed, to your surprise. Normally he would laze around or pull something to get you ready for round 2.

You grabbed your make-up bag and quickly re-fresh your base and your lipstick to clean any proof of doing anything sinful at this hour. You could feel his gaze watching your reflection and you tried your best to ignore it as you knew it could so easily get to you.

"You look good" he said as he came behind you and placed his hands on your shoulders while you did a few final touches to your new lipstick.

"Yeah yeah" you sigh and put everything back in your bag, quickly scanning the room for anything you might have missed in order to avoid his gaze. He lets you be and disappears from your sight for a bit.

You were at the door putting your shoes on, about to get out when he re-appeared into the small hallway and handed you a small bottle of orange juice and a protein bar.

God you wish he would stop with those little gestures. They make it harder, so much fucking harder for you to be strong. To resist him. You wonder how he can always know so well to accommodate everyone and give them exactly what they want. No wonder he could put a spell on every human being around.

"I am good thank you" you try to refuse him. You were salty about your bottling up emotions and how you always gave in.

Of course, it doesn't work. When does it ever?

"I am not asking. You need energy. Especially after I drained you." He winks playfully. "Plus, you never eat breakfast anyways" he says in such a classic Hyunjae manner.

You hit him in the arm hoping he would get the hint to just let you live and leave. You try to turn but he grabs you by the backpack, opens the zipper and puts the things inside, closing it again.

"Good luck at work" he says with a satisfied triumphant smile.

"Yeah yeah" you say trying your best to leave before he can see just how wide that makes you smile. 'God I am a lost cause when it comes to him' you thought for the nth time these past 2 weeks, and you tried to run just to not think about the sweet gesture.

-

 You promised yourself you wouldn't do mornings after. Yet here you were. Not even 2 weeks later. You woke up from your alarm. Something felt heavy. Hyunjae's arm was over you, holding you close. You turned your alarm off as soon as possible in order to get out and leave without waking him. You didn’t even realize in the frenzy and sudden induced anxiety that this was, in fact, your own apartment.

'He slept over? That is weird' you thought.

As you jolted awake and were trying to make more sense of the reality that you were home, you glance back at him. Sometimes he was a deep sleeper. Only sometimes.

"What time is it?" He asks nuzzling into the sheets. 'Does this not faze him at all?' You wonder. But sleepiness is bliss so you just:

"Shh it's fine, go back to sleep" you say trying to calm your rapid heartbeat and shuffle out of the sheets.

His grip on you only became tighter. He did this all the time lately. Hugging you closer in a dazed state and having a pouty voice telling you to not go. 'What a bad habit to have around me' you thought.

"I need to get ready" you say fighting your way out of the comfy sheets in the dazed state.

He rolls around to look at the watch on your nightstand. "But it's only 8 and we start at 9:30" he whines but you were already of his grasp, on the way to the bathroom. It had to be the day when you have first class together too.

'God' was all you could think to yourself, like asking for force from above to re-balance your life, while you run your hands through your hair, and splash cold water on your face.

You stay in the bathroom apparently more than his ass is willing to wait, as he softly knocks and gets in.

"I'm busy, you should go sleep more" you say almost coldly. But you kind of regret it in an instant when you see the pout on his face and wary look.

"Ok. I will wait for you to be done then"

You were feeling a bit bad but also going to him and offering gestures of affection in your own apartment at 8 in the morning after last night's endeavours was pushing relationship boundaries that were a bit too much, for you liked to keep some distance in the favour of your sanity.

You put on your chosen outfit for the day. You settle on the same ripped jeans but with fishnet tights underneath and a simple cute, oversized T-shirt, with your usual jewellery, topped by a leather jacket.

Before you return in his line of sight, you go to the kitchen to make coffee or now coffees for the both of you. 'It's only polite' you think.

As the sound of the coffee machine is running, you open the small window and your mind flies again.

'Damn I really am a creature of habit. Maybe that is why I am so used and addicted to him at this point'. Which was an interesting contrast, as this morning was far from your usual mornings, aside for the coffee.

Before you can think further, your coffees are done, and you take them to the bedroom.

You expected him to be dressed and sitting somewhere in a somewhat uncomfortable position. Weird him. But to your surprise he is still nuzzling in your sheets, seemingly unbothered by the idea of going to classes or that he woke up in another bed. 'He looks comfy. He looks small. He looks cute' were random fleeting thoughts. You hated how much you loved to see him like that. It's like your heart was growing in fondness for him.

"I made you a coffee" you say while settling it on the nightstand next to him. You try to not look at him because your feelings keep nagging you with 'God he's so cute like this cuddled in your sheets, you could have this' but also because it's a quite intimate gesture.

However, you cannot avoid the way that, after setting down your coffees, he reaches for you and snatches you back on the bed.

"Dude, stop, are you a child? We have school soon too." You try to scold him, so you don't have to think about him hugging you in his body.

But he doesn’t stop and only goes further rolling onto you, to crush you under his weight.

"Honestly HyunJae stop crushing me and get dressed, you lazy ass" you sigh breathless.

"Do we really have to go? I hate this class anyway" he says while further suffocating you.

You push him and try your best to turn and face him.

"Since when do you hate this class?" You roll your eyes. "Besides, the more attendance the better, you have nothing better to do anyways".

"Oh but I could do you better aNyWAyS" he half mocks you.

You laugh. "Was last night not enough for you? We are tired as it is already"

"Never tired of you" He mumbles in your hair.

'Fuck' you mumble to yourself in your thoughts.

"You are such a man child" you retaliate but your thoughts are a bit too fuzzy to properly communicate. "I'm going now mister" you say and push him hard enough to get him off of you again.

You suppose you liked the crushing embrace.

 You get your make-up bag and mirror and turn on the light to see better at your desk. As you start on your quick routine you feel his eyes intently watching you from the side. It wasn't the first time either.

You turn to the side but only to angle the mirror to hide your reflexion from his sight subtly. 'He looks like he's never seen make-up before' you thought but never stop applying things to your face, expressionless.

He gets up and starts to get dressed, disappearing from your sight for a bit.

You see his reflection again a few minutes later as he enters the room.

"You always wear that lipstick" he says matter-of-factly as you reach for the lipstick in the little stand where you have your favourite ones on hand.

"Your point?" you say giving him a side eye and taking a sip of your coffee.

"You should try this one" he says while picking from the stand and handing you a dark burgundy.

"Jae, it's like almost summer. It's bright as shit outside. I am gonna look so emo" you turn back and snatch it to put it back.

He pouts. "You are so emo anyway. Please?"

'Damn him why must he get to my heart strings like that. Why can I not say no to him.'

"No" you smile at him sweetly and reach for your normal one.

He places a hand over his heart as if hurt.

"Stop being dramatic" you say rolling your eyes. But you still take his suggestion and put it on and then lighten it with your normal one.

You can see the satisfied smirk and give him a threatening side eye in the mirror.

"Go get fucking ready or you are walking to class" you half yell.

"Fine fine but I am ready" he raised his hands in defeat and goes to look for his stuff.

'Finally, I can have some peace' you thought as you finished the last touches to your make-up.

You are kinda salty about how pretty and effortless and nice he looks just like that, without much effort at all. Your eyes involuntarily glance at his body. 'Damn he really looks like that huh?'

You take one more sip of coffee and gather your things while taking mental note to ensure you have everything. It seems so. You look at the time and you still have a good 30 minutes.

Then your phone rings. Sunwoo. You remember you said you would meet early and walk with him and get coffee and give him some notes for his class. But of course, you almost completely forgot, if it wasn't for the phone call; probably related to the man in your house.

"Hey how are you?" You answer. "Yeah, I will meet you in 10 I promise. No, I did not forget, let me live. Yes, I do have your things. Yes we can get that. Byeee. I said byeeee."

"Why are you guys meeting?" He seemed oddly serious. How did he even know who it was and why did his expression change.

You are taken aback a little.

"Idk. To get coffee before school and because I should give him some notes. Um...Why?"

He seems odd and you don't like the mood change.

"I... never mind."

"I will drop you at our building before meeting him and I will come to class later when it starts"

"Ok" he says and seems like he wants to say something else but doesn't.

He almost sounds pissed.

"Make sure you have everything and let's go" you say a bit warily.

"I have everything" he says blankly.

The car ride is silent, and you are kinda glad to drop him off.

'Weird' you think as you drive until you finally see Sunwoo.

"Hiii" he says cheerfully, getting in your car.

"I got this coffee for you and a scone. It's new she said" and hands you the things while making himself comfortable.

"Um. Damn thank you. Why are you buying me so many things lately?" You eye him suspiciously "Also why do you buy strange things people recommend you. That looks so suspicious." You laugh at him.

"It's important to try new things, miss 'I always get the same thing'. I like your lipstick by the way." He winks.

"Ok mister 'I am here to attack your life choices at 8 in the fucking AM' ".

"I said you look nice" he retorts and takes a sip of his drink exasperated.

You can't believe he actually noticed the change in lipstick. 'When do boys ever have observational skills?!'

You sigh and reach for your backpack. "Here are your notes and some other useful stuff. Maybe try to pay attention a bit too instead of flirting uselessly and being a loud clown”, you retort and smirk at him.

"And I am the one attacking you? Pft" He raises his voice dramatically while laughing with his mouth full. "The scone was a good choice, if you even care. And my flirting is not useless. Everyone loves me."

"Yeah yeah they do, surely they do" you roll your eyes. "You're welcome by the way" you say hitting him with the papers and opening his backpack to put them inside, since he is too busy munching on the suspicious looking bread.

"Hey I was gonna say thanks. I am well mannered."

"Sure you are. Sure you are" you say while closing his backpack.

You reach for the scone yourself and take a bite.

"It's not half bad, right?" He says.

"I meeeean... are you trying to convince yourself it was a good investment?" You laugh and he glares. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding is actually pretty good"

"You're welcome" he mocks you fake-offended

"Hey. I wAs gonNa sAY tHaNKs. I aM wElL maNnEReD" you mock him back and you both laugh.

You are glad you have him.

"Oy it's 9:28 We are gonna be so late get out"

"It's fineeeee" he says sly.

"Get out bitch and don't forget your shit" you basically throw him out.

You drive fast and questionably park while getting your stuff and your new coffee. And run up the stairs. 9:34.

You see the teacher ahead, so you make even more of a run for it to be ahead of them and enter the class breathlessly. You scan the room quickly and find Hyunjae already looking at you and he saved you a seat.

'That is sweet' you thought, considering the drive you just had 15 minutes ago.

"Thanks" You sit down and catch your breath the best you can.

"Sure" he says. "Did you have fun?"

"I guess? We just met to exchange notes lmao" you try to lighten the mood.

"Mhm"

He doesn't pester you further, as the teacher enters the room.

-

Another day. Another shift. Working in a retail clothing store is not half bad. Sure, since you were in college and doing a degree you were expected, as many of your colleagues, to get a job in some corporation. Or an internship. Something seen as valuable and important and prestigious.

But God those people are picky and the environment is tight and suffocating. You used to complain about it to all your friends. Including Hyunjae. And he was the kind that could get in one of those corporations.

But he was actually the one who advised you not to worry and take a step back. "Maybe do something you would enjoy since, even if not seen as the best since we are not tight on money nor fully adults yet" he said to you back then.

He had such good words of encouragement and seemingly good advice. You often wondered why you blindly trusted him and threw yourself, when you were so scared of your own future, but it seemed fine.

Turns out it was a good idea, working in a retail store at the mall as a part-timer. It's going well. You like your job. Pay is decent. And you liked fashion and make-up anyway. And you get discounts. And you are in a mall, which is great since one of your favourite activities is window shopping.

Lia would visit you sometimes. Sunwoo came to annoy and inconvenience you a few times too.

You suppose this was one of those times huh?

"What are you doing here?" You ask quietly trying to seem intimidating.

You weren't actually that done with him, but you didn't want to be yourself with him at work.

"If you say some dumb shit, I will suffocate you with this silk scarf" you say quietly.

"Kinky. I like it." He says wiggling his eyebrows.

You discretely punch him in the arm and look for an answer.

"I can't just visit my bestest of besties at work?" He asks teasingly

"No. No, you MAY NOT. Please get out." You say as if you're almost begging but in reality, you know he wouldn't do something to get you fired. Probably. Not intentionally. Or you are almost sure.

He sulks.

"Well, what do you want? I know you ain't here for my friendship or life advice" you shoot him a mildly annoyed glare.

"I actually need an outfit for a birthday party dinner type of situation. You remember Jacob? Yeah his birthday is pretty close". Sunwoo says matter-of-factly.

"And... why do you need me? You have friends who are into fashion. Ask Chanhee."

"We are closer in style and I don't want to spend my entire fortune for Jacob's birthday."

"You want my employee discount." You roll your eyes.

He smiles widely and knowingly.

"We are such good friends you know..."

You widen your eyes holding eye contact expectantly to see what else he can come up with.

"...ok yes please I am broke" he laughed semi-awkwardly.

You smile and roll your eyes. 'He is endearing' you thought.

"That is because you spend all your money on useless shit you know?" You scold him again.

"The scones were impeccable" he retaliates. "Plus it's good to have breakfast. And you never do."

'Why is it that the two men I interact with more often attack me on the exact same spots?' you thought to yourself.

"I will literally attack you as soon as my shift is over" you whisper in his ear for dramatic effect.

"I look forward to that" he whispers back.

"Now help me pick, you must help all your customers equally".

"Yeah yeah" you say trying to rack your brain with what you could dress him. You actually really enjoyed dressing people and fashion in general and he low-key knew.

You browse through with him and try to settle together on an outfit. You are almost ready and try to send him to the dressing room to try on things. But what you didn't expect is to see Chanhee and Hyunjae walking into the store. Your store.

You seem almost frozen as the four of you make eye contact almost instantly.

"Sup guys. Fancy seeing you here" Sunwoo says oblivious. "How come you are also here?"

"I am helping Hyunjae pick an outfit for Jacob's party dinner" Chanhee says softly.

You glare at Sunwoo.

"That's cool because she is helping me pick an outfit too" he beams at them.

"That is cool. I saw you were dressed nicely too at Sunwoo's birthday, but I didn’t get to talk to you much." Chanhee says shyly. "I also didn't know you work here and with clothes. That's cool"

'Why is he so sweet' you thought.

"That is so nice. I wanted to say the exact same thing for you at that party" you laugh. "I actually told him to ask you, not me, to dress him".

You were trying to converse casually, but Hyunjae seemed pretty fixated and didn't say a word.

"Well, we will see you guys around, after picking the outfits" Sunwoo says, and you both go to the fitting room as the original plan.

As he gets dressed you hear "So why are you and Hyunjae hyung so weird?! You used to be like best friends. Also, I have seen you around together a looot lately."

'Great' you thought.

"Well, I don't know I guess we seem strange but there's nothing weird between us, we have some classes together" you try to seem casual.

Little did he know. But he didn't need to know more. Especially him. You wouldn't hear the end of it.

"Hm you are being weird" he says getting out fully dressed in the new outfit. You chose light washed jeans and a belt with a few chains, a graphic tee and a blazer.

"You look like you didn't roll out of bed for once" you say sarcastically.

"Ha ha" he says "You mean I am irresistible" he winks at you.

You give him the disgusted look and then turn serios: "I mean the colour scheme is not that good imma be honest"

"I meeeean" he ponders.

"No she is right though, something could be better. Try on another top. Or jacket"

Chanhee appears all of the sudden with Hyunjae, startling you.

"So much effort" Sunwoo complains.

"Try this one with the same things and then try just the shirt slightly unbuttoned and see which works best" you say to Sunwoo sending him back. "What did you pick for Hyunjae?"

"This shirt with the leather jacket we bought earlier at another store and these plaid pants."

"Nice. I like the zipper details on the pants. I think it will work nicely."

" I will let him borrow my jewellery And he will be fine" he laughs and you laugh too.

Sunwoo comes back with the second T-shirt you picked and It quite nicely with

the blazer and jeans.

"You look good. It would work with that cuban chain and bracelets you stole from me" you laugh.

"Yeah I agree. Looks good" Chanhee says.

"Ok I will get them for you and give them to you tomorrow at school" you say to him.

"Hyunjae you good?" You ask.

"Yeah I am a bit stuck but all good." This was so like him. Clumsy in the weirdest ways. He eventually comes out. You gotta admit he looks impeccable. You would like to take those off of him. You mentally slap yourself back to work mode.

"You look good. I like the combination, and with accessories it's for sure a success. Since you are here do you want my employee discount too? I can bring them to you tomorrow as well" You ask him.

"It's fine I will just pay but I see why Sunwoo is here" Hyunjae says and eyes Sunwoo.

"It is like him but honestly it's no trouble. Let me treat you both on behalf of working for fast-fashion and capitalism" you shoot him a glance as of 'please let me get this'. Chanhee eyes him suspiciously too.

"Ok fine I guess but just because that was a good joke" he says, and you nod at him pleased.

Finally, they leave, and you wonder how you manage to get yourself in such weird coincidences and have even more awkward situations with people you know and their friends. But you are happy that you got to meet Chanhee again and take a mental memo to text Jae and talk to him later tonight.

-

 Of course, texting him ended up with you meeting up at his apartment. Not only to give him his clothes. Of course, it ended up with him deep inside you, but this time you wanted to ask your questions and clear things up instead of just getting laid and hearing sweet nothings mumbled in your skin after. You tried talking although not knowing how to approach the subject and what was the main issue to address.

But it seemed like he wouldn't let you speak on purpose. He was rougher than usual. Jealous, you would even say. But of course, you took it all and just made a point to ask him later.

-

 The rest of the evening went fine, and you got dressed and were getting ready to leave and things seemed to be back to normal for a bit. He seemed relaxed again. At this point, you almost didn't want to ruin it by starting the discussion. Definitely not about Sunwoo, as he seemed sensitive to that.

So you didn't. But it surprised you when he asked if you wanted coffee in the morning before classes.

"Yeah sure, that would be nice" you say "kinda like back then” meaning a few months ago

'Back then' you think. When you and him and a few other random acquaintances used to go to the shop and get coffee and chat for like half an hour before splitting and each going to their class. It kinda just happened and then it became a thing for a bit

Back then you didn't know each other well at all. You used to think "God he is so good looking" and then you thought 'he is attentive and sweet I wish I was close to him'

And now, you both know the in-s and out-s of each other. Not even in a deep sense. More like literally. Come to think of it, you didn't even know how you got to this arrangement

Not that it was even spoken of. Like ever. To you he could get anyone he wanted with his charming but slightly cold nature. With his looks and caring ways of treating others. Of course, people wanted him close.

What you didn't expect is to get to talk to him. Actually, so much. To have fun. To even have a few classes together and support each other. To grow closer. It seemed natural.

And then one day at a party you kissed. Seemingly for no reason. And you liked it. So SO much. You wanted more from that very moment. And you got it.

You kissed again later on. And then it escalated. You still can't tell what made you go all in. Especially since you are not one for the hook-ups. It's not your thing.

Maybe you had started to develop feelings even back then, come to think of it. Maybe it was that you felt safe that you ended up sleeping with him like that and wanted in his words and touches. He had that effect.

After that, you expected it to be awkward, maybe avoidant. Like you guys would not get to see each other or just ignore each other and say hello out of courtesy. But he didn't ignore you. He was just as sweet. Kinda like it didn't happen. Like it was normal. It seemed strange to you. But you weren't exactly familiar with hook-ups unless from friends’ stories. You thought you wouldn’t as the lack of emotional connection and paranoia would stop you. But it was him. So, you took his lead and emulated his behaviour, doing the exact same. Maybe that was your first mistake. Pretending it was nothing and staying close to him.

And then at one of his friend's birthdays it happened again. And then later again and again. Seemingly coincidental. Until it happened so much that it felt like all the time. Seemed meaningful, as you were growing closer and knowing each other "better", but it also seemed to grow the distance between you, as you didn't speak much about other things anymore. And when would you? Felt odd but also oddly comforting, being with him, so close yet so not close.

You like to think you take responsibility for your actions. But maybe you run from it just as much.

'How did I even get in this unspoken arrangement?' You wondered often.

You didn't even have the guts now to start a discussion about the meaning of everything. It seemed so useless after so long. But maybe if you did have the guts, it would be better. In reality you hated to admit but you didn't know him that well at all. He was oddly unpredictable to you. His ways and demeanour always fascinated you. But maybe it was that, amongst other things, that made you come back to him. Or the feeling of the comfort and excitement in routine. A new thing wrapped in the safety of comfort.

Either way it felt like it had to end or something had to shift. And that you were sure of. It was emotionally draining.

-

 The next morning when you got coffee with Hyunjae it was peaceful. He seemed to make an extra effort and brought you to a fancier cafe not the one you usually attended. He paid for everything, fancy coffee and pastries and he asked you to stay with him and ditch your first class, so you guys have more time together.

And you didn't even have to think about it. Your instinct would have been to comment something sarcastic, but you stayed with him, 'who cares about that class' you thought.

It felt nice yet off. Like those times you met a few months back, like those times when you didn't know each other well, but communicated surprisingly well. Like when you had a weird fondness, like a little crush, because he was just 'so good looking' as you used to tell Lia.

But it isn't t exactly like back then now. Cause now you know each other. The conversation has a heavier air and flow. It's still natural to some extent but doesn't seem to float as naturally. It's like the course of conversation is heavy due to the implications of your rendezvous.

But he still managed to make you feel good and not have it awkward. 'It's me who makes this weird isn't it???' You thought to yourself.

Regardless, you were happy to be here, and the ice seemed to break again revealing a new lair of your dynamics with him. You were pretty content to just speak about everything and nothings. It was in a way eye opening to just sit with him after constantly sleeping together.

If only you had the guts to tell what you actually wanted to say. But you could leave it like this a little longer. Or so you told yourself every damn time.

-

  Days went by. Weeks went by. You and Hyunjae were still talking, and much like usual, conversations were turning into something else. It seemed like a routine. He gave you kinda everything and nothing.

'Things are slightly shifting though' you thought while staring into nothingness while sitting on a bench this school morning.

You couldn't point out why things were different. You just knew you were not per se painfully longing to have his affection anymore, not even the "twice a week, wrapped in good aftercare and the occasional snacks" situation. You wanted to figure out what it is about you two that is hard for your brain and emotions to digest.

You were starting to look more in depth at how he interacted with others. His closer group, his friends and with the women he seemed to be quite popular with because of his looks. You liked studying people from afar anyway.

His way of being always fascinated you. Charismatic yet cold. Keeps you at a good distance yet close enough. Is caring and sweet but slightly underdone, to most at least.

'Maybe that's why everyone seems to always long for more of him' you thought to yourself again. He can give you everything yet not enough.

You shake your head. You slap yourself mentally back to reality. It was in fact way too early to perform a psychoanalysis of your "not lover" but your brain never stops, does it?

'It makes sense though' you thought. You wondered why you couldn't bring yourself to distance yourself from him and this mess. But it was so apparent why. You let yourself guided by feelings above all, despite knowing better.

"I wish I was smarter" you say out loud while taking a sip of your coffee after staring at nothing for forever.

"Now that is something you could work on" a sweet but prominent voice startles you, while her arms wrap around you.

You honestly almost choke. You were apparently too deep in thought to hear Lia come behind you.

"No but she definitely could" another voice, recognized by you as the menace himself, says playful. She wasn't even alone? She somehow had to be with Sunwoo out of everyone.

You turn with as much of a threatening expression as you can manage to see both of them better.

"Ok now how come you both motherfuckers have decided to be on my head and torment my life together at 10 in the fucking morning? I can barely deal with one of you at the time" you say and lightly hit both of them with your water bottle.

They seemed so amused.

You glare. "Don't fucking look at me like that. I don't even wanna know how you managed to meet up in such a big campus and also find me. The universe must truly hate me or something" you roll your eyes as they take a place on the bench on each side of you.

"Oh, you aren't glad that your two only friends are here for you and they grace you with their presence?" Sunwoo says sarcastically.

Lia only laughs.

"I will end your existence on earth and make sure no one will find you" you say as you hit him again.

"Ok jeez someone is grumpy" he retorts and moves a bit further, faking how hurt he is by you hitting his arm. "Maybe we should leave her here before we get killed for real" he jokes.

"I think the same to be honest, she is feral when angry" Lia jokes but goes for a hard hug around your shoulders.

You don't get to say much when Sunwoo goes in for the hug too, both of them literally trapping and suffocating you from every angle, like a weird sandwich. You don't even get to act disgusted.

"Guys stoooooop you are literally trying to asphyxiate me in the middle of campus what the fuck are you doing?" You fight to push them off, but they only suffocate you further. "This is a weird sandwich and kink I don't wanna partake in" you say out of breath.

"You can't even deny that you loved it" Lia says playfully after they let you go.

You get up from in between them and stare at them.

"Yeah I loved it so much I would have rather went to class 30 minutes early"

They just seem amused. "I don't like this new combination. How did you two even team up to torture me?" You ask but it was more of a rhetorical question. "Anyways I should get going cause I have class in the third building and it's a ten minute walk"

"Oh come on, you are trying to get rid of us" Sunwoo says fake whining.

"Yeah dumbass, obviously" you say and start to walk.

"Well, actually too bad cause I also have building 3" Lia says grabbing your backpack to hold you back.

"And I have building 4 which is few minutes further from you guys. So, you ain't getting rid of us it seems" Sunwoo says grabbing you by the backpack too.

"Ok jeez the universe really ain't on my side at all, I see. Holy shit" you exclaim. "Also, can you two please stop touching me I will scream that you are kidnapping me"

"Yeah yeah, sure" Lia says rolling her eyes while removing her hand and so does he. "You hate attention on yourself anyways" she adds.

Honestly, as much as you act annoyed with both of them all the time, you are so very fond of them and glad they are with you. It truly benefitted you, so much, that they somehow both found you this morning while you were knee deep in your pool of feelings and self-criticism.

The walk is actually really nice, and you get to class in quite a good mood. You were actually really thankful to have them by your side, more than you would ever let them know.

-

  "You seem irritated lately" Hyunjae states matter-of-factly.

You just glare at him.

In your head you think 'no wonder I am irritated I have school and work and you and all of these feelings and thoughts on my head and I am constantly wondering and the more I do the more I hate myself'..... It comes out as a hard exhale.

"Hey hey breathe" he says and starts rubbing your shoulders with concern in this lecture hall.

"You always say that" You pester him.

You used to love these gestures but now you have grown to hate them more and more. 'You are so sweet and caring with me. And for what?' You thought to yourself. 'Maybe I do just need to breatheOr I will strangle him'.

"So why are you irritated and stressed?" He chooses to subtly change the subject.

You wonder if he doesn't know better to not press or if it just persistence to get a rise out of you.

"It's nothing. I honestly don't even know" you ponder and sigh in annoyance, leaning back on your chair.

He huffed at that. The sound of the teacher entering almost drowned out the low whisper of his voice. “You’re a really bad liar you know that?”

You give him a side eye, straightening your back to greet the teacher.

But somehow today Hyunjae choses to be even more of a little shit than you know.

You suppose he is trying to get your attention. His attempts are miserable though. The first thought he came up with was clicking his pen to annoy you. It does hut you ignore him. The second is drawing random lines on your paper where you take notes. You stare blankly at him. The third tactic is rubbing his foot against your leg. However, of course his plan was not a success, you straight up ignored him like you had no senses. You suppose he would stop if you ignore him.

The last idea he has however was the risky one. He placed his hand against your thigh, thankful you had worn a skirt, which was a rare occurrence; he thinks maybe it is the root of his idea to begin with. This allows his hand plenty of access and he goes further and further. Shameless.

“Jae…” You warned through your teeth, eyes never leaving the slides projected in front of you.

Your attention only urged him, as you assumed it would, hand crawling up your skirt. You couldn’t help but shiver from the action, vivid images of the time when he tried this shit at some random dinner table in a restaurant. He smirked, admiring the way you tensed under his touch. Leaning close, he breathed against you. “You gonna tell me now?” His fingers dug into your flesh under the skirt, pressing hard on your inner thigh.

“Hyunjae” It came out louder than you had expected, and you immediately shut your mouth and tried to hide from any eye contact. Your temperature and heartbeat spiking all the way, making you shudder.

The attention however was already on you when the teacher looked straight at you

"Are we interrupting something?" She asked.

You could see Hyunjae wearing his arrogant smirk in the corner of your eye.

"No, I- I'm sorry" you say slowly and wary. Well, you were going to slap him now for sure.

"You don't have to be here if you don't want to, especially if you're going to disturb. You can exit if you want. Clear?"

You both nod and mutter “sorry's”. Even his face seemed slightly embarrassed. Good, you thought.

“Now miss, since you decided to disrupt the class why don’t you tell us where we were?”

Thankfully you knew. But that didn't really make it much better. He was gonna pay for this.

~

Or maybe he wasn't. It was meant to be confrontational. You, dragging him out of class and behind where the gyms were. You even slapped him. But he only seemed to enjoy himself, as he grabbed your throat and pressed you against the wall in the brick wall, your hands held above.

"Now there is no need to be violent. Getting in trouble is fun sometimes." He says smirking at you. It seemed like a game to him. Compared to his usual level-headed demeanour this, whatever he was doing, was even more annoying in this context. You suppose this wasn't the right strategy. You realize the cliche, buy ironically you are throat deep in it.

"Are you fucking idiotic?" You huff and fight out of his grasp. He lets you go easily, a bit of shock at the too serious expression on your face.

"If I could end your existence right now Lee Hyunjae" you say with venom in your voice “I would".

He, to your dismay, decides to smirk at you further. "Guess I'll have to make it up to you then" he says leaning to kiss your neck, hand moving to rest on your chin and brushing your lips. "Maybe I can help you relax and fuck that irritation out of you, huh?"

You jerk out of his grasp. You truly wonder if men ever have a drop of self-awareness. As much as you might have liked his games at times he needed to listen for once. You were pissed.

"Listen you moron this isn't a game for you to play with me. Fucking listen to me. What is it with you today and thinking with your dick? You really think you can use it to solve all your problems or something? I would have thought you knew better or maybe I wouldn’t sleep with you at all" you spit at him.

Sure, you were being harsh but God... lately being around him seemed like an entire challenge, and then some.

He was taken aback. It clicked for him.

But it wasn't done. You weren't done. Despite being pretty used to your mood swings, you never scream at him quite like that.

"Why does everything seem like such a fucking joke to you?" You let your voice down and stare at your feet.

His expression softened a bit. But you didn't think he really understood what truly made you reach the point and lash out like this.

He seemed to ponder over choosing his words wisely. And thankfully, he did.

He lifts you chin warily to look you in the eyes: "Look. I'm sorry, Ok? I know being called out and embarrassed and the centre of attention fucks with your anxiety. I truly regret putting you in that position" he looked serious, maybe too serious compared to a few moments ago, his hand barely touching you at this point.

You scoff and roll your eyes. 'Such deep words. Such fucking sincerity. He is such a good fucking liar' you thought. But you are grateful he acknowledges it at least.

"At least you have an ounce of self-awareness and maybe one fucking working braincell" you spew.

He took your hands, almost wary to no stir the shit further.

"Next time you decide to think with your dick make sure you should" you retort and give him an icy glance.

"Understood. I'm sorry" he said putting his hands up. "I didn't think that one through".

You looked him straight in the eyes: "Obviously. What exactly was you plan? What did you think was gonna go down?" Your voice much lower.

"I didn't have one" he confesses.

You stare at him. You were worked up and frustrated. You hated that you still wanted him so bad and you were still so mad and he looked so good at the same time. You wanted to kill him but maybe fuck him first. Such contradictions you felt all the time when with him lately.

"No you clearly fucking didn't, now do your job and take my stress away or something" you say bringing him down to kiss him almost aggressively. He was again taken aback again but didn't hesitate much, as you seemed determined. He knew how to react to you as much as you did to him.

"Now you can fucking solve your problems with your dick, you idiot" you say as you jump to wrap your legs around his waist and he catches you immediately, slamming you into the tile wall and pressing himself into you.

"Mhm" he mumbles in your lips while his hands were digging hard in your thigs.

You couldn't say that adding exhibitionism to your list of kinks was your priority. Not that you mind, as you enjoy this maybe too much. It is with him.

When you weren't with him you wondered why you always gave in but when it came to action it was like you were intoxicated. Your mind was foggy. You were greedy. He was so good. He was giving it to you so well. You were damned to have him and not have him at all.

His lips were attached to the sensitive skin on your neck, you biting your bottom lip wistfully. Your breaths had picked up as he kept kissing you everywhere, making you lean your head all the way to the side, so he could cover every inch.

Often he grinded his hips into yours, and you felt that prominent bulge in between your legs. You let out a strangled sound and you felt his hands dig in your thigs.

Harder. His tongue playfully toyed with the lobe of your ear, and you arched your back, pressing your chest into his.

Suddenly you make him stop and look at you.

"Do you wanna do it here, where everyone and anyone can see us, idiot?" You say while panting. "Didn't take you as the exhibitionist, Lee Hyunjae" you mock him just a little, even though you were fully partaking.

"Hm" he presses you further into the wall. "I bet you would like that, wouldn't you?" He says smirking, with his hair dishevelled.

'God he's hot' you thought. Maybe you did want that, with him.

"Can we get inside like in the lockers or showers or something please?" You plead with him.

He only laughed at you but picked you up, with your legs around his hips and carried you inside the showers. Thankfully no one is usually at the gym middle of school day hours. Not this one at least.

"Do you feel better by knowing it's not fully exposed or do you wanna be like the typical high school teenagers? Getting it on in the bathrooms"

You silence him with another make-out even if you consider hitting him again. You put your knee up and rub it in his crotch to silence him fully. It works as he responds with groan.

His hands skimmed to the rim of your underwear and teasingly pulled at it before allowing it to snap back against your hips.

“Can I have you?” he pulled back slightly and rested his head on your forehead.

"Yes" you say. Simple, fast.

'Maybe I should make his life harder' you thought to yourself.

His hand slipped under your skirt again and ran down your bare thigh. You gulped, eyes closing when his thumb began to run up and down your underwear.

"God, you are so wet already. Even mad you always respond so well to me" he says with an arrogant smirk.

"Shut up and do something already. I feed your ego enough every day". You want to seem annoyed.

"Ok miss 'I order people around'"

"Shut the fuck up" you say and start undoing his jeans for him, only pulling them and his underwear enough to not seem 'suspicious'.

He was giving you a heavy-lidded eye facial expression and it made you only want him more. You would take more moments to admire him, but the anxiety makes you go faster. You go take out a condom out of your bag pocket and put it on him. You lower yourself and take him into your mouth a few times to give some lubrication. He throws his head back and lets out a heavy breath.

After, you go back up and hold his jaw to have him look at you while you pump him.

"Hmm. I see you are prepared for me always." He slammed his lips to yours to silence your following sarcastic remarks, and moans in the kiss as you stroke him tighter. His hands groped your sides and breasts and moved with the same urgency as his lips were. Sloppy. Fast. Careless. He really could take your thoughts away.

"Shut your mouth"

His hands went to your thighs and lifted you slightly and you took the queue to jump again. He slowly lowered you, teasing your entrance with his tip.

"We don't have all day. We are at school. Just go for it already" you say with your eyes closed.

"So impatient" he says as you feel him go all in at once, filling you up. You put your hand over your mouth to silence yourself while also adjusting.

Hyunjae began to pick up speed till your back was slamming against the wall. You buried you face into his neck and bit harshly to silence yourself. This produced a whiny moan from him, and he increased his speed a little bit more

"Stop making fucking noises" you whisper yell into his ear, your hand going to his mouth.

“Fuck, (Y/N).” He groaned under your hand. “Fuck, fuck, fuck…” his voice sounds even deeper.

You bring your hand to your own mouth as he continued pounding into you, full control, your self-awareness just a little, but not all the way gone.

Your fingernails scraped at his back, probably leaving red lines on his skin, even through his shirt.

He was hot. Going all in, slamming into you almost fully clothed, going fast and rough to get you both to your highs fast. He knew what he was doing so well by this point. No matter time and place.

“Jae I'm close” You moaned again in his neck this time, closer to his ear and that had the wanted effect as you felt him twitch inside you.

"Me too baby. Me too." He says as his trusts into you hardened, one hand going under your skirt to rub your clit to help you reach your climax.

It was all the way smooth sail but right as about to get to your high, you thought you heard something. Your mind was however too hazy, and you choose to believe it was some random noise or you imagined it. You wouldn’t have chosen to ignore it usually.

But now, with the atmosphere hot, your bodies and clothes sweaty, him pounding into you like crazy and you both into overdrive, it was all about you.

You settled for putting your hand over his mouth again and biting into his shoulder to muffle any further sounds as you felt him come undone. A few strokes after, you also came undone, and he helped you ride out your high.

 You were pretty sure you'd have left too many marks out of anxiety and pleasure if it weren't for both of you still wearing clothes.

He helps you down and discards the condom and you reach for your bag to get some wipes to freshen up. After you help each other and both fix your clothes, breaths still panting, you chose to sit down next to the sinks on the cold tiles to catch your breaths fully and he does the same.

The air was stuffy, and you felt slightly... both emotionally and physically drained, so you laid your head against the tiles of the gym shower room.

He took your arm and made you come closer to him, kissing you slowly again, guiding your head to rest on his shoulder instead. He intertwined your fingers, and you would lie if you said you didn't want to sit like this with him. He was so gentle, peaceful to you, especially in aftercare. Kinda made you truly regret your life choices, even when you were being so very content in the moment. He was rubbing circles on your hand with his thumb and God, you wish you would be mad and you could just scream at him to stop fucking with you so hard. But you knew he had good intentions. Or so you presumed. 'If only both of us could align and see eye to eye on this relationship' you thought as you pulled your phone out.

"Come on idiot, let's go about our day" you say, trying to force him up too as you got up, but he didn't let go of your hand.

"I want to go home" He whined holding onto your hand.

'He always does some childish crap' you thought as if you weren't fond of it.

"Well, then, let go of me and fucking go home" you say. But your soft tone betrayed that you weren't mad at him anymore.

"You are so mean to me" he says slowly getting up.

"Mhm sure" you roll your eyes. "Let's go because I have things to do with my day"

"Ok businesswoman" he retorts with a smile

"I will slap you senseless once again" you threaten but the mood is light compared to 15 minutes ago, when you did it firstly.

He just raises his hands and laughs.

As you look in the mirror to touch up the details on your clothing and make-up, he comes behind you, looking at your reflection intently.

"Did I redeem myself? Did I do a good job?" He says resting his hands on your shoulders.

"Yeah yeah. I however don't know if anything can truly redeem you" you smile at his reflection, and he does the same

"Hm. I KNOW you can't get enough of me." He says massaging your shoulders. "Plus, the anxiety of semi-public sex makes you cherish your quiet normal moments more

You scoff and turn to him. The audacity.

He is right of course, SO VERY RIGHT, but that doesn't need to be verbalised.

"What do you know about what I cherish dumbass" you say turning to look him in the eyes.

"Oh I know more than enough, and trust me, I can prove it again and again" he smiles down at you.

-

You never thought you would go about doing it in a fucking bathroom while in break at school, but it felt oddly exhilarating, now looking back. You were almost glad you did.

'Maybe I am really fucking stressed or some shit. Maybe I am going crazy too.'

You thought as you were now sitting in bed, done with work and responsibilities for today.

Little did you know you were in fact heard and seen.

Thankfully you weren't going to be in trouble.

-

 You don't even remember the last time you left your room that wasn't classes or work or just to not go insane. It all seemed to blur together, as it was not so slowly but surely... time of the midterms, all work and studying and assignments due.

You don't even remember the last time you properly talked to your friends as they seemed to be just as busy. You felt exhausted and despite still liking mornings, the routine of struggling and having so much work every day was felt deep in your bones. However, you were grateful it was Friday, as the weekend would at least spare you a bit more time and Friday was not bad at school in terms of classes. You decided to text Lia to see if she was up for coffee for like 30 minutes before class to chat up, a bit more than checking to see if the other’s alive.

You were happy as she said she is excited to meet you. She also asked if it was fine if there were other people. Of course, you said yes.

You met up and she introduced you to Juyeon and two other classmates Ella and

Kevin and you all got coffee together. You knew Kevin from a party a while back, for where Hyunjae invited you. His twerking was truly unforgettable. You liked him the moment you saw him back then. You got along well. The dude liked to break his back for no reason.

By Juyeon you were intrigued, especially since he seemed to sit awfully close to your best friend. You didn't mind as she seemed comfortable, and you wanted Lia to enjoy herself and go out there, but he seemed the fuckboy type and honestly it made you mildly wary.

But as getting together and getting coffee and talking he seemed fine. Nice. Gullible. Not innocent but a bit weird. Childish yet manly. Quite the charming and oblivious, not intimidating fuckboy.

Their interaction however was very fun to observe. You were going to tease the shit out of her and try to get as many details as she was willing to give later.

As you needed to walk back to class and since you guys managed to synchronize in terms of where you have classes it was the perfect opportunity to pester her.

As soon as out of the others earshot, you already started:

"Giiiiiiiirl, so you ain't telling me nothing anymore. You really out there having hot men around you and I don't know a thing"

She laughed. "Oh, shut up. It's not like you even ever tell me anything about the men you score" she says, and she eyed you a bit more seriously than usual.

"First off I am not scoring shit. Second of all this ain't about me. How and why and since when you and the epitome-fuckboy-looking whatever Juyeon guy are close together???" You say in a 'maybe too excited, ready for some tea' voice.

"Omg can you not make this seem like such a big deal?" she whispers. "You are so dramatic"

You just look at her expectantly.

"Fineeeee. We met like 3 weeks ago... he missed his morning class and came to ours and apparently him and Hyunjae are close, and he introduced us and we sat together and did a small assignment. You happy?" She rolls her eyes.

You roll your eyes too but maybe it's more because of the mention of Hyunjae.

"God Hyunjae truly be the root of all evil and status quo disturbance in life huh?" you say laughing.

Maybe it seemed a bit too forced because it was hitting home. But you liked self-deprecating humour the best.

"Mmyeah I bet he is. You should tell me more about him" she says playfully.

You have a bit of an 'oh shit' look but go back to blank quickly. It made sense she be knowing something. Honestly you weren't even sure why you kept it to yourself from her. But at this point it was kinda embarrassing to tell the story, you thought.

She knew she wasn't getting a response, so she chose to continue.

"Well, weren't you like super fond of him and saying how pretty he is and how nice and bla bla. Turns out he has hot and nice and bla bla friends too" she turns the subject back.

"Girl Juyeon might be all hot and whatnot, but I don't know at a glance... kinda epitome of fuckboy" you say pursing your lips.

"First of all, you said that twice. Secondly, even if he is, although he doesn't seem to be so far, it's not like I am planning to get married to the guy" she says giving you a side eye. "And besides, says you, who walks around with motherfucking Sunwoo all the time, need I say more?" She gives a knowing look.

You don't bother to really respond "Ok fair he is like that"

"Did I hear my name? I didn't know you guys love to talk about me in your free time" he says sneaking behind and putting his arms around both your shoulders.

Lia laughs.

'How the fuck does he always manage to be here on my head?' You wonder. It's like he has a GPS or some shit.

"You wish. You ain't the primary object of discussion, as much as you would enjoy that." You say and take his arm off you.

He pouts and gets back, and you realize how much he is panting.

"My dude, why do you seem like you ran a marathon to school?" Lia asks, slightly concerned.

"And since when do you even care if you are late?" You look at him and narrow your eyes.

"Oh my God, can you ever stop being such a bitch to me?" He says in one breath.

"Mmmmmmmno. Also save your breath if this class is so important that you had to run."

He just mockingly makes a face at you.

"Do you have a presentation or something?" Lia asks him.

He just gives you both the bread meme face and looks down.

"Mmm I see" you smile knowingly.

As you approach the building you have to split.

"Well good luck with it" you say patting his shoulder.

"Good luck. Do well" Lia says encouragingly.

"Thank you" He bows his head. He almost turns to go. Then he turns back and snatches your iced coffee and turns half running taking a sip. "Thank youuuuuuu" he says loudly and smiles sweetly as he has put already some good distance between you.

You just give him a blank stare at first. Then show him the middle finger and smile as fake sweetly as possible. Oh friendship.

"Exactly what I was saying." Lia says laughing. "You guys are just such an interesting breed - you and Mr epitome of fuckboy if you will. Amazing duo" she finishes and purses her lips.

"Gurl" you just say, playfully slapping her maybe a bit too hard.

"Auch" she says as she starts to take distance to go to her class too.

"Good luck to you too you bitch" you say ending showing her your middle finger too, and giving a sweet smile.

"Good luck" she just smiles and waves.

 -

 Before you know the chaos of mid-terms is over. Between the stress of assignments, work, projects and mid-terms, it all goes away in a blink, while also feeling like the longest weeks of existence.

'I always do this to myself' you think as you absentmindedly sip on your home-made coffee on your dorm balcony. But you are free at last.

You know Lia still has one more exam to go before it goes back to normal for her too and you can go out together, so you find yourself enjoying your alone time, wondering if you should skip classes all together today, and get some sort of bruch before work. You need groceries anyway. You mentally note that.

You decide that even though you woke up for school you might as well skip after all. You put on a nice outfit and make-up as way to celebrate your freedom, and even take a few selfies, posting your OOTD in your Instagram story too.

After like 5 minutes you get a text from Sunwoo.

Sun dude: So, you just weren't going to tell me you are done with exams too? How disrespectful 😤

You: Pft I didn't know I had to give you a monthly report of my activities and whereabouts mister:)))

Sun dude: oh come on it's not like I am asking for THAT. NOW can you stop being dramatic and meet for coffee? And congrats on being done BTW.

You: First of all, the audacity. I am not being dramatic and no I am not meeting you, especially with that tone. And second of all thanks. Congrats to you too or something.

Sun dude: oR SoMEtHinG. How dare you. Also thank you🙃 SeConD oF aLL: will you please do me the absolute ultimate honour to accompany me for coffee in this fine morning to celebrate the end of some of the suffering we went through this semester, miss.

You: Jeez I didn't know you had that much vocabulary in you. How much of your last braincell did you use to come up with that one?

SeConD oF aLL: Fine. I will meet you in 15 minutes just because you tried so hard:))))

Sun boy: OK great. Thanks for appreciating my effort, I guess. And my braincell is very capable must you know😒

You: Yeah, yeah sure🙄. I will see you in front.

As much as you liked to tease and turn you were actually excited to see him.

You parked your car, and he surprisingly was already there, waiting for you.

You get out and he comes to greet you a bit too excitedly, in classic him fashion, putting his arm around your shoulder with too much force.

"How much did you miss me?" He says smirking.

"Oh but to the moon and back" you say sarcastically and clutch at your chest, then burst out laughing.

He just rolls his eyes. "Well it's good to see you too" he says shaking you by the shoulders.

You get in and order your coffees and you decide to get some cake slices too. After sitting at the table he suddenly asks you "wait why do you have just this small bag instead of your usual backpack? Don't you always 'must have everything'?"

"Wow I didn't know you had observation skills" you laugh and he gives you a glare. "I am actually not going to class today so I don't need it"

He gasps. "You are ditching class???? And without me too?" He says clutching his chest dramatically. "I am so hurt. Who even are you?!!!!"

You just roll your eyes and laugh. "Who is being dramatic now? Besides, why would I ditch class with you?" You provoke him.

"Because fIrST oF All" he mocks "I am the most fun person you could be with and sEcONd oF All, you missed me so much and you want to do stuff together" he finishes. "Or would you rather ditch with someone else?" He eyes you, narrowing his eyes.

"FiRSt oF all, you give yourself too much credit, and secondly, I love my alone time, as much as I ~long for your presence" you mock him back, rolling your eyes.

"Well, you have me, and we can do anything you want" he says giving you a smirk. You don't say anything.

"Of course, if you want, if not we can find another time, since we will have free time more and all that" he looks down avoiding, avoiding eye contact at this point.

You loved how he goes from super confident and flirty to being a shy baby, super respectful and listening to you. The boy was such a contradiction, but you learned to appreciate that.

"Yeah, we will indeed have plenty of time, and we will meet more often and see everyone too. As for today I was just going to get brunch alone, maybe a few groceries and walk in the park and then go back home and then to work" you say softly. "You can come if you want to tail my introverted activities Mr. Popularity" you say smiling.

He smiles looking down again.

"Shut up" he says softly. You like his cheekbones when he smiles.

You lied if you said you didn't like spending time with him. Although it was rare that you two spent more than 30 to 45 minutes together at the time, and those in campus... doing things such as grocery shopping and getting snacks and walking in the park was much more fun than anticipated. He wasn't even that tiring to you surprisingly, although he was hyper and loud and annoying. You were actually in such a good mood; you were glad you had him.

As you both got in your car for you to drive him back to his dorm and then go home, the atmosphere was relaxed and you were sitting in comfortable silence, the air conditioning fanning your faces and soft radio music playing at low volume in the background.

'Maybe I truly needed a day off or something' you think to yourself as you wait for the line to turn green.

"Maybe we should ditch together more often" he says smiling seemingly fondly, looking out the window. "I had fun" he admits almost shyly.

"Mhmm" you hum peacefully giving him a half glance while smiling, not taking your eyes off the road.

"I had a lot of fun too" you say smiling "although I don't know about ditching, attendance is pretty fundamental as I am a procrastinator, and I don't efficiently study for exams" you say giving him another glance.

"Oh my God, when will you stop?" He says fake annoyed.

"Mmmmnever" you hum again slowly.

The comfortable silence settles again.

As you park in front of his dorm, you get out to stretch and check if he has taken everything.

"I will make sure I have everything" he says getting out himself and checking.

You just smile. The constant nagging has paid off on him, although he always seems to NOT know where his things are, you think.

"Can I have a hug?" He asks and comes to your side.

You just give him an "intimidating" look but then immediately going in his arms anyway. Hugs are nice after all.

"Good luck at work and drive safely. Maybe text me when you get home or tomorrow morning for coffee?" He half mumbles half asks in your hair, close to your ear.

"I will" you say pulling back and looking at him. "Good luck to you too with whatever you do." you say softly.

"Thank you" he says and lingers one more moment before he starts walking.

You wait for him to walk more, and he turns one more time before going inside the dorm and waves, you waving back.

It's pretty safe to say you were SO glad you met up with him today.

 -

 Things seem to be settling. It seems to feel better. A bit more free. A bit more steady. The schoolwork seems to be going back to normal amounts, work is decent, and you get to see your friends more. To do things for yourself. It seems as things fall in line. The anxiety levels are much lower.

But how much do things fall into place when you still see Hyunjae every so often. Surely with exams and everything you have cut the contact and endeavours with him quite significantly. It almost shocked you how normal it felt to not have him next to you all the time compared to 2 months ago. You thought you would suffocate. But turns out... you don't.

'Maybe all the midterm stress and staying inside has finally shaken some of my rationality to life' you think to yourself.

'Maybe I don't need him after all'.

But how true is that when your thoughts still go to him every so often?! When you still admire him when you see him from afar, when you are still willing to hook up with him, despite knowing better.

-

 You decide to enjoy college life at last, at least a bit, while it's feasible, and to exit the house. You go to a party some of Lia's classmates are holding in a fancy house. Nothing big but not that small.

It was all fun and games until you realized that a lot people you knew were at this party, which wouldn't have been a problem if it wasn't for Hyunjae and his many good-looking friends. 'Why am I even avoidant of him?' you ponder.

You said you were going to spend time with Lia, as you haven't spoken as much as you would have liked lately. But those plans are ruined when Juyeon seems to steal her away effortlessly to dance, to drink, to laugh with him, at some point they disappear completely.

Which leaves you to wonder around and be with Hyunjae. And it seems as if you are friends again. He is not usually a fan of PDA, so you get to speak more than indulge in other activities. But after taking few drinks together and just dance a little, your bodies seem to fit perfectly with each other. At this point no wonder they did. You did pretty much anything you thought of with him. You knew how to accommodate each other. And he still made you laugh a lot. He had it in his personality. You relish in the warmth he exudes and maybe you are once again too close to him, alcohol clouding your judgement. You start to flirt, and he reciprocates and before you know you are out of the main floor of this fancy house, somewhere on some stairs making out.

'He truly is intoxicating' you think for the millionth time, as you let yourself held by his not so firm grip on you. 'When will I learn' you wonder while going in for another kiss. Things seem to always be going in the same direction and you are ready to get in the next room or bathroom to get some privacy. Already.

But that doesn't last long as you and pretty much every one hears something break and some of the loud music stops. You go over to look down from the stairs, and it seemed like a few people started to be concerned too, as the impact had a powerful sound. What you find is not the best sight.

'God dammit Sunwoo' you think as you rush to see the situation from more up close. You didn't even know he was here tonight. He must've arrived late.

"Oh, come on just leave him, he is a big boy, he will manage" Hyunjae says but you are already rushing to the impact.

"What did he do?" You ask as you find Kevin first pretty close to the scene.

"Well, he had one too many drinks and he was showing off some random dance he has learned with Eric, both on that table, and it was apparently slippery, or they just tripped each other and they banged heads and Sunwoo fell dragging the table cloth and the entirety of everything on that table with him" he says, concerned.

You also look concerned.

"I don't know how either" Kevin shrugs and just looks like an upset mother ready to scold the kids, but also really worried.

"I can't believe they literally don't know better after all this time" Hyunjae says mildly annoyed. "I am gonna kick YoungJae's ass so hard" he states.

You don't know who you should be helping at this point, as you have seen Hyunjae kinda beating the living shit out of Eric as a joke at one time.

"We should honestly just let them be stupid and pay for their mistakes, maybe they would learn" Hyunjae says, glancing annoyed and making eye contact with Sunwoo.

"They would deserve that to be honest" some random girl says.

You grab her arm and push her out of the way with a glare, annoyed by her interference. "Let's help them" you urge Kevin and Hyunjae.

Everyone seemed a bit tense, and you didn't like that. It was like a mess, frozen in place, and yet so loud and dynamic you felt a bit lost, although you didn't have that much to drink. Hyunjae disappears with an angry look, giving Sunwoo a death glare and dragging Eric with him to God knows where.

"I'll take care of him" he says, but for some reason you are not sure if it's the best thing ever for Eric. However, you kinda felt much more responsible for Sunwoo, as you were really close with him.

"Damn Kim Sunwoo" you say as make your way next to him, some people filming, some drinking and cheering, some in the lookout for napkins, and some mildly concerned, trying to go back to their business.

"What the fuck was in your head dumbass? Why must you try stupid shit like this?" You scold him as you grab his collar and drag him up to inspect him.

He however resists which wasn't like him with you. Even if you were rough and bitchy, he always let you take care of him in your way. But it wasn't like that tonight.

"Oh, you came to help. How almighty of you." He mocks a bit too loud. You take a step back. Although you knew he can be weird when very drunk, you didn't see these things directed at you. He was pretty easy to pacify. For you.

"Come on. Stop the scene and come with me." You say seriously looking him in the eyes.

"Oh, come with you? Where? Weren't you too busy with Hyunjae just a minute ago?" He laughs, gets up and takes some random drink from the counter and downs it.

"Can you stop being fucking childish and just come with me?" You drag him more forcefully. He still resists.

You yank him close to you and he almost loses his balance, but you support him and lean to speak directly in his ear: "Listen I don't know what has gotten into you tonight. I know you like to be the fucking centre of attention but making a fool of yourself while you are too drunk to think, with your head swollen and other injuries, and screaming nonsense at me won't give you the attention you want" you say firmly.

"What do you fucking know about the attention I want?" He retorts and glares. "I can do whatever I want, and I definitely don't need you to nag me or 'care'" he says mockingly. He leans closer to you "You should go back and finish the business with Hyunjae, I bet he misses you" he says and takes another sip of a random drink.

You grab his face making sure he listens although he seems to be half hallucinating by now. "Listen here you little shit. I don't know what your problem is with me and/or with him but being stupid about your health and safety and doing shit like this won't solve your issues." You say sternly and a bit too loud. "You should clean your clothes and drink some fucking water you idiot" you say shoving some napkin into his chest and walking away, making your way through some of the people who seem captivated by the scene, or by him.

"Show is over. Enjoy your night" you say as you make your way outside.

At this point you weren't even sure why or how you got so angry and thinking escalated with Sunwoo, and you are definitely still worried about him and also about Hyunjae. God knows where he went. You try calling him. No answer. You send him a message to call you back. You try Lia. No answer.

You weren't really sure what to do but you couldn't leave Sunwoo alone in this state and the other people here weren't really close to you. As much as he was being a bitch and angered you, he was too drunk, too vulnerable, you felt the need to have an eye on him, despite knowing that he probably could d just fine on his own, without your help, get to his house somehow and get himself together some way. However, you still got back inside and started looking for him. He seemed nowhere in sight, and he wasn't where it all went down first, but his phone was. Slightly cracked and with some alcohol on it. You wipe it and take it with you. "I will fucking kill him myself" you say to yourself.

You wonder around some more and ask around, people don't seem to know where he is. You go upstairs, check open rooms and bathrooms and he isn't there. You can't tell if your pulse and temperature are so high from all the exercise, alcohol or anxiety building up. You assume all three. You weren't the best at handling stuff, even if you hated to admit. But you did try, and it somewhat worked.

You try to find people you know better. "How and where the fuck is everyone and why am I so stressed?" You say to yourself in an angry voice, feeling your sore throat.

'Relaxing' was the premise of going to this party. 'Mhm'.

You decide to take a tour of the yard again to look for them and also clear your head. You start to truly wonder what you should do as you pace around, no one helpful in sight. You weren't the best in certain situations.

You see Ella, the girl Lia presented you a few weeks ago. At least you spoke more than 3 words to her before.

"Hey sorry have you seen Sunwoo. Or like, do you know him?"

"Actually yeah... I think he took the back entrance of the house like 2 minutes ago" she says nicely.

"Oh thank God. Thanks Ella, I appreciate it."

"Yeah girl no worries" she says as you turn and half run.

You find the back exit and take the stairs in front, leading you to the floor you searched minutes before. You look in the first room and scan and hear noises from the bathroom. You try the handle and it's closed and upon further inspection you are glad it is, as you would have walked straight into something private.

You get out and rush to the next room and open the door a bit too forcefully, and smashing it into the wall by accident. When you reach the bathroom however you slow down immediately, as you see him sitting down in the most weird position ever, next to the bathtub, water on his face and clothes and his eyes half closed.

He seems startled by your presence and when he realizes it's you, he starts to laugh and closes his eyes back, leaning against the cold tiles. You don't want to fight or disturb him, as he seems out of it and drained, so you just sit down facing him, a bit out of his personal space.

"You are so determined to find me" he continues to laugh. Mocking. "It's like you can't leave me alone. What are you going to do now?" He says drowsy "Scold me some more?"

You choose to say nothing. You look at him, you pretty much sober by now, and say nothing. You are honestly not sure what to say but you are glad you found him and he is not downing more alcohol.

He opens his eyes and looks at you.

"Nothing, princess? Cat got your tongue? Or what? No scolding? No remarks? Are you trying silent treatment? Cause it won't work on me and you know it"

Everything he says is mumbled together and in a high but tired voice. Like his body is not functioning but his mind is going 1000. He seems tired and emotionally exhausted to you. And like he is about to throw up for 3 days straight.

"You should save your energy" you say softly and look at him up and down. His head is even more swollen than before and his knuckles red. His eyes have dark circles. 'God why am I friends with the most idiotic motherfuckers in the universe?' you wonder.

"Maybe you should stop checking me out" he says trying to joke around.

"Mhm" you hum and nod.

He is sweating and visibly uncomfortable as he drags his tie even lower than normal. You instinctively go closer and help him take it off. You try to help him out of his jacket, and he complies slowly and you unbutton his shirt a bit more.

"I bet Hyunjae wouldn’t like that you are doing this right now, sweetheart" He says is classic Sunwoo style. "Is that how gentle you are when you take clothes off him too?"

You try to no be obvious, but it stops you in your tracks for a second. You try to keep your composure as you feel exposed all of the sudden.

"What? You didn't expect to have people know you fuck him every chance you two get?" he says but you notice it's not even provokingly. It has a bitter yet provoking undertone, maybe disappointment, maybe something else.

You clear your throat and put his jacket aside, being grateful that he is half out, rambling nonsense he probably won't remember. Your mind races, but at least now you know why he seems so fixated on you and Hyunjae. But how does he know of your randez-vous with him?

"Shut up and have some water" you order and hand him a bottle you picked at some point for yourself downstairs.

"MmmIdonwanna" he says and slides his whole body down the tiles.

"Yeah yeah" you say and take the water from his hands and press it to his forehead, as it is cold, hoping the swelling would go down.

"Auchhh" he whines. "Are you doing this on purpose?"

"I'm sorry but the cold might help" you say lowering the pressure.

'He is like a child' you think.

The silence seems to set between you two for a bit.

"You always take such good care of everyone" he says, trying to readjust his position. After a pause he starts again "Is that how you two started fucking?"

You press the bottle firmer into his head and he hisses. "What is your problem with me and him? Why do you even care?" You say but don't look in his eyes one bit.

"I don't care. Why would I care? You can do whatever the fuck you want. Maybe you should go look for him right now and just leave. You would have a good time together for sure." he says in a raised voice, irritated. He doesn't seem to look into your eyes either.

You put the water down and start fiddling with your hands, making your body go a bit further behind, but you stay still.

That is when he does look up. He expected you to leave. You can tell. When he sees you are just sitting there, he closes his mouth and lowers his gaze once again.

After a quite long awkward silence he starts again: "Wanna hear something that is going to make you truly mad?" he laughs. You look up at him with a blank expression. "I lost my phone. It’s gone. Pufffff. Nothing" he gestures dramatically.

"Yeah" you say absentmindedly, not even looking at him. You rub your eyes and forehead. Maybe a party on a Wednesday wasn't your best idea after all.

"You are not going to tell me I am fucking stupid?" He says and lifts his hand, letting it just free fall onto the tiles.

"You ARE fucking stupid" you say, and you are pretty sure you looked straight through him.

He looks at you and you can see the features of his face drop. He looks down. "I-" he starts but stops.

You look at him again.

"I thought you were going to be sarcastic and say it like you usually do" he says in a little voice, almost laced with embarrassment and a child-like regret.

You say nothing and just pull out his phone out of your back pocket, handing it to him.

He seems shocked and he hesitates a lot to reach for it

"Do you want it back or not?" You retort.

"Yeah yeah I... I'm sorry" he says and takes it warily, a too impressed expression on his face.

"Magic" you say sarcastically but in a monotone voice.

"T- thank you" he stutters and puts it next to him.

"Anytime" you say and take it back to put it safe.

"And I'm sorry. For being a dick." He suddenly starts rambling loudly. "I don't know, I guess you and Hyunjae are a good pair I don't know why I can't stand the two of you. It feels weird and he seems to have you with everything he does and he captures your attention so right and gets you to do things and speak and when I see you two at school it makes sense but he gets you to do crazy things too and I cannot ever get to you like that... like when you fucked in that bathroom like it was nothing and I couldn't stand him fo-"

You stop his rambles by gripping his jaw a bit too harshly. You feel your heartbeat suddenly too raised and you are sure your eyes are wide and you kinda wish Earth would just swallow you. 'He saw us'. Realisation of the century. Now even further don't know how to feel.

You remove your hand from him and he just looks at you as you put distance between yourselves. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have- auchhh" he suddenly jolts as he leaned on his wounds.

You are both a bit frozen, stealing glances at each other warily every once in a while. You thought he knows nothing in this state, yet he made perfect sense in that phrase somehow. He seems to have sobered up quite a bit too.

"I feel like death" he says after a bit, further sliding down the cold tiles.

You look at him with concern. "You will probably throw up and be better. As for dying...not on my watch unless I kill you myself" you say softly and take the water bottle which he let slide on the floor and hand it to him again. "Please drink some" you say.

He takes it and takes a sip and puts it on the floor. "I- ok. Honestly I feel like shit" he says.

"You look like shit too" you say blinking at him absentmindedly.

He seems to relax despite the never-ending insults. Maybe he senses the change in your tone or demeanour.

"Why are you never nice to me?" He pouts.

"Shut up" You retort.

He complies.

He is sweating and coughing but with you by his side he manages to throw up and not get it on his clothes, as you shove water down his throat and hold him because he sees probably double if not quadruple.

You make him stand up and make him wash his face and mouth with whatever you find in that bathroom, and by this time he is more in his senses.

"I knew you liked to steal things but not like this" he says amused as you rummage through bathroom cupboards.

"Yeah yeah just shut up." You say handing him mouth wash and a towel. "Just take what I give you and concentrate on coming to your senses" you say authoritative.

"I will always take whatever you give me" he says and looks at you, smirking. At least it sounds like him again. Not bitter either.

"Maybe I will fuck around and give you some substance that kills you without living a trace in your blood" you give him a side eye.

"But..."

"No but’s, come on stand up properly and I will give you 5 more minutes to lay down until the uber is here, ok? Now hands up let me check your pockets" you say without giving him much time to do anything. You were tired and not really in the mood for the usual bickering.

He complies, letting you check his pockets. Thankfully he still has his wallet and keys. You take them and lead him to the bed.

"Why are you stealing from me?" He jokes around but by this point he doesn't sound coherent at all.

You just look at him. You think he gets the gist to shut up and lay down.

When the uber arrives you drag him, as he slumps over you all the way to the car, and also manages to fall asleep on the way to his dorm on your shoulder.

'What am I gonna do with you, Kim Sunwoo?' You think to yourself looking out the car window.

When you arrive you thank the driver and pay. Somehow you manage to drag him and his 70% asleep drowsy state out of the car and in the building and then in his dorm room. You place his wallet phone and keys on the nightstand, next to his bed.

"Here are your things" you say like a whisper, thinking to not wake his roommate, although you both made a lot of noise with him while entering for sure. He says nothing, just barely stands on his legs.

You half push him on his bed and close the door quietly, take off his jacket again, and you are glad he is too drowsy to say anything, as you push him in a mildly decent sleeping position and he just lays, falling asleep almost instantly. Or so you think. He seems pretty comfortable although in a weird way, and you decide to just let him be and sleep, planning to leave him a voice message for when he wakes up and hates himself but doesn't remember anything. You slowly close the door and leave and God knows you are ready to sleep too after the day's adventures.

You are so thankful when you arrive in your apartment, drained but feeling better, mentally knowing you managed to deal with him and get home, at least that. It is after all enough for tonight.

You are pretty sure you could sleep for days.

-

 When you wake up the next morning to your alarm you don't feel too bad. Turns out you were pretty tired. Classes weren't that early either, so you had a decent 5 hours to rest. You decide to sit more in bed, sacrificing some of your make-up and also making your own coffee, although you suspect the latter is because you like the coffee shop coffee better. You make sure you get that before class and also a good water intake.

You check your phone and see just a text from Lia saying she is fine and asking if it's all good with you. No texts from anyone else. You respond and gather yourself to get up. After a bit you do get up and start getting dressed and put slight make-up on and get your things for the day. You can't exactly pinpoint what it is but you feel slightly weird.

Classes and work however go by fast yet really slow, your body seems a bit stiff but nothing too bad, a mild headache bothering you. 'I hope I don't get sick' you say to yourself. You pick some hot food on the way home from a random fast food and hope that some ibuprofen and food and good sleep will do the job right at fixing you back to your normal functioning state.

When you get home Lia texts you and you talk, how you feel kinda weird, the party (ofc she left with Juyeon like 1 hour within arrival) but she says they had a good time and they got food together and he is being really sweet, so you couldn't be more glad. You don’t ask about Hyunjae as you deem it weird since they left. But you do wonder about him.

After catching up some more about school and general moods, you both decide you should go to sleep earlier than usual. Seemed right.

You do your skincare and, as you are almost done with your dinner, you get a text.

 ~21:50

Sun dude: Hey, you good?

You: I am, are you though?

Sun dude: I am fine but I feel weird

You: Well that is pretty much a given considering the alcohol level in your blood is probably still too high and you have a mild concussion.

Sun dude: I hate life and I can't remember shit and things hurt.

You: Bet. Maybe you should get things checked or something. But at least get some good rest pls.

Sun dude: Yeah I should. I don't even know what life is since this morning.

You: No shit. Eat some mildly healthy food too and make sure you don't get yourself in more trouble. Thank youuu. I am going to sleep soon.

Sun dude: This early? Since when?

You: Since I need sleep you dumbass. Good night.

Sun dude: Ok sure whatever you say. Good night. Sleep well! ALSO, why do you text me in this tone? 😕

You: Good night!

Sun dude: Hm I see. Goodnight!

-

 The next day you wake up a bit too late for your liking and also feel weirdly dizzy, but you decide to ignore it and get ready anyways. But then you realize that it truly is too late, and you missed your lecture entirely. You should have been there too as you promised the teacher you would be there for her presentation, and she would give you some materials that you needed for an extracurricular project.

'Who the fuck made me include myself in extracurriculars?' You sigh to yourself.

You low-key hate yourself for that, as now you have to apologise and go take the class with another group. However, you are an adult, so you must fulfil your responsibilities, therefore you go to the later lecture early and talk to the teacher. She excuses you and gives you the papers. She is nice about it too.

As you are done and look for a seat your eyes fall on Hyunjae, Lia and Juyeon and you assume this was the class they had together that she told you about once. You glance and give them a nod and Lia gestures for you to come sit with them. You are not particularly thrilled as you will sit in the only spot left, next to Hyunjae but you can't refuse them. Who are you gonna sit with anyways?

You are thankful however that the lecture starts pretty fast since all four of you can feel the weird tension between you and Hyunjae, and Lia and Juyeon seem to just sit awkwardly.

After the lecture is done, you say your goodbyes and ask Hyunjae to the side to talk to him. You are thankful Lia gets the queue, pulling Juyeon and they leave, letting you two to talk.

"So you weren't even going to text me?" You ask in a low voice, eyeing him carefully.

"I thought I didn't need to. Didn't seem like you cared much for what I was doing."

His reply is curt. It irks you.

"I literally called and texted you to text me. I do care about what you are doing, and I am also concerned, especially since everything seemed to go downhill at the party" you say looking at him warily.

"Really? Because you only seemed to care enough about whatever the fuck Sunwoo was doing, when all he does is get himself in trouble. You always go to him. You are always together." He says as his voice starts to crack and he aggressively runs his hand through his hair.

"He was in an obvious really bad state, and you also dragged Eric God knows where and what for. You, the person who is usually the first to help, you were making it hard too. You were acting so strange. I didn't know what to do" You retort.

"Oh, I was acting strange?! For not giving into whatever show they were putting on and babysitting them?" He says annoyed.

"They were drunk as shit, and you left without a fucking trace and didn't answer. Not even after more than 24 hours. I don't know what to do with this and I don't know what you expect me to do about certain things... and how you expect me to be like, but I just... I don't know... you..." you lower your voice and gaze and let out a breath of frustration.

"What do you mean what I expect you to be? I don't know what you expect ME to be either" he sighs in frustration. "God, we don't seem to be on the same page about anything lately."

"No shit we are not" you say blankly, a bit too fast, avoiding his gaze.

He looks at you. "Maybe you should just go with him, even right now, since you seem to like each other so much and you solve all his shit and take care of him all the time"

Now he was just being a bitch in your humble opinion.

"Oh really? Is that all you heard? Is that what this shit is about? Me apparently choosing him over you? Come on Hyunjae is your ego that fragile? We are friends and he needed help, he was shit faced, and yes I might not be the smartest and I don't know how to choose the best or organise my priorities but... God, really?" You exhale hardly after that entire ramble. "I don’t even know why we bother with this. We truly don't see eye to eye anymore at all, huh?"

However, what clicked for you was 1 thing. Somehow it pressed both of them so hard that "you chose the other over them". Now that was an issue you didn't anticipate at first.

He just sighs and his expression softens slightly. He seems like he would like to say 1000 more words. To put out what he really thinks and give you a piece of his mind. But he doesn't. He just nods.

You assume that is his way of caring about your feelings, he has always had this sense about not going too hard on you, even if to him you were irrational. Maybe that's why you seemed to love him, or so you assumed at one point.

But lately everything you two did is running around each other weirdly, and you started to hate the dynamics between the two of you more and more. It's almost like you wanted to fight him all the time too. Like you were on each other's nerves for no reason, despite "whatever desire" you had for one another.

"What have we even become?! We can't seem to speak to each other anymore" you say and give a bitter smile.

"I wonder too" he says, returning the gaze.

"I'm sorry" you just say looking down. You don't know what you are apologising for, but it feels like you should. It feels like the right thing to do to make amends.

"I'm sorry too" he says quietly and pulls you in a hug.

You have a feeling he doesn't know what he is apologising for either, but the hug feels nice and for now you both feel more at ease.

After that, the four of you meet up and have lunch all together. It goes pretty well, as the tension has clearly subsided. But despite that, you were still very conflicted inside.

Lately you seem to hate everything you do. Or don't, for that matter. You seemed to create yourself issue after issue, and they were all with yourself. Maybe that was the root of your problems. Yourself.

 -

  Sitting in bed now you wonder how another year has passed. You tend to lose track of time easily, whether it be stress, school, bottled up emotions, or general mental illness, the passage of time seems to always take you by surprise. And now, close yet again to what everyone deems to be a special day, your birthday, you think it's only fair to reflect on what made this year different from the last. You have a bit of a habit of doing so. What have you accomplished, what made you think, what made you change, how do your goals and thoughts differ?!

Honestly? Immediate indulgence and gratification were never really your thing. Perhaps it came from your childhood when everyone told you “You should have been wiser", that you "Weren't mature enough". So you learned to never trust yourself or jump into the things you wanted, out of fear that it will bring you a bad outcome, and you would cause "the entire world to turn around", just from the trouble you created. You didn't believe you could ever solve things fully on your own, not even now, as a full-grown adult.

You didn't know why or how back then, and you still don't know now. You wanted to prove yourself smarter back then, whilst now you just wish you could organise your thoughts and bring out some rationality to reason with yourself. To not be so emotionally tormented inside.

You've always had a point of holding back. In hesitating or denying yourself what you wanted in hopes you would be prepared to face the outcomes of it going sideways. And it always does (go sideways), because how can someone see the outcomes of every circumstance equated for?!

You suppose you should have treated long term issues and far thought outcomes as just that. Long term. Possibilities. Potential outcomes. But how could you when you wired and rewired your brain into constant panic about what you could do wrong next.

So, indulgence didn't come easily to you. It was equivalent to numbing your brain and your anxiety, and you found that impossibly difficult without a major distraction.

Looking back, you suppose he was just that. The prefect distraction. He baited your mind and twisted your thoughts the right way, to make you feel free to be "reckless".

Oh Lee Hyunjae. The man you have met though yet another one of your distractions, Sunwoo. You didn't think you would grow close to either of them. Yet somehow, you managed to tangle yourself with them so much, you don't know how to escape.

You remember meeting Hyunjae for the first time. He was sitting in the campus cafe with 2 other classmates. His features, sharp and defined, could undoubtedly be attributed to the attention he commanded. He was imposing, seemingly intimidating and untouchable. Yet some of his features were soft.

'He is handsome' you thought. It always came to the shallowness of physical appearance, you suppose. Something piqued your interest. And clearly not only yours.

He also had a look of disinterest about him, his head resting plainly in the palm of his hand, and his other playing with the pen, seemingly in thought. You wouldn't have placed him as nice and open, or necessarily sweet or attentive at a first glance. You assumed a bit cold and maybe conceited. Needs to get what he wants.

But when Sunwoo introduced the two of you, his face chanced into something welcoming, and his words were sweet. You felt nice to sit next to him, although you didn't speak much. You suppose now that it was just his way of being polite. Which you did too. But with that exchange came many others. You seemed to find each other. Again and again. And you wondered why. Why did he notice you? How did you two speak so much?!

You wouldn't have approached him anyways. You liked to keep your head down. Not necessarily out of humility, but more due to the masked self-esteem issues, you suppose.

But with so many simple short exchanges, came the implementation of your biggest indulgence. He was such a good distraction, and he was so good to you. It made perfect sense you would give into anything with him. He made you want things, and he took matters into his hands, giving you what you wanted. He anticipated your reluctance and made sure to clear the doubts in your mind with his touch, putting you where you would've not had the audacity to place yourself, because of your overthinking.

And you liked that. His persuasion and imposingness, his almost strict way of being, it made you want to show him you were up to his standards. That you were worthy of him. That you could keep up. Maybe that was one of your big mistakes. But you liked to be in the moment with him. And most moments with him came as an outlet for your desires, and his.

An entirely casual arrangement formed without you even realizing, which would turn out to complicate your life to a substantial degree and confuse you to no end.

 -

 Your birthday was in 3 days, Monday, but Saturday night seemed perfect for a birthday dinner and some fun and drinks with friends, as you were all free and could afford to go a bit crazy and still have time to recover from hangovers and other endeavours until Monday morning hit you with classes and work and other responsibilities.

You truly didn't have many friends. You invited Lia and Juyeon, since they were close and you liked having her around, even with him, to your surprise. Of course, Sunwoo, as he wasn't to miss this, or you would kill him. Another friend Hyolyn, you kept in touch with, even if not that much, as she was a med student, and last but not least, the one and only person who has managed to twist both your mind and your guts for the past year, Hyunjae. You truly wondered how it was going to go. You had mixed feelings to say the least, but it made sense. You were hoping to have a good time, nevertheless.

Birthdays, despite not yielding the same very special and exciting place they did in your heart when you were younger, still held some form of joy and desire for you to have a better time than usual. It was almost the thought of being "worthy of having all the nice things" and "lashing out" or "lavishing", despite it being one day in an entire year. Wasn't the healthiest mentality. You are aware.

-

Things seem to work nicely as you and Lia met up to get ready and you would meet everyone else at the location. Therefore, you have time to enjoy getting ready together and speak about nothing and everything. Exactly how you liked.

You were excited as she told you about their relationship, that it seemed to go well, to fall into place the normal way, and she was happily getting his attention along with all the fun.

You found yourself in the best place to finally tell her about your "adventures" with Hyunjae. How from the beginning, being acquaintances and getting along really well in a short time, you skipped the friendship bit, going towards being intimately close, an unspoken relationship fallen in place, taking you by surprise, the addiction to the feelings he gave you being a different story.

By this time, you were both almost ready and also had a little alcohol from the corner shop in your system, as to loosen, because apparently "you seemed stressed" or so she said.

She looked at you like the story was the most natural thing. Like it all made sense.

"So, you think you have feelings for him? Like genuinely?" She asks.

"Honestly? Right now, I don't even know. I like the feeling he gives me. He fucks me good. He is good. And a few months ago, I would have said that for sure I do have feelings... but now I think I have just an addiction to him or something. But I don't know... I can't seem to cut him out or end this thing."

"Makes sense. He has been in your life for a good half a year now or more and you guys work well. But I am glad to see you are not dependent on him or crying over him needing you. I think whatever feelings it is that you have, might just be you two being close for a while and going through different periods together. You have an interesting bond." she says, seemingly recalling the two of you together.

"Yeah, but even that seems to have changed. Our dynamics are truly something, especially lately." you say, pondering.

"Well, you guys definitely have something, and I am very sure, from "unspoken" sources, that he cares for you. You are definitely attracted to each other. But it just might be the feeling of familiarity and a bit of an addiction." She adds and looks at you in the mirror. "Nevertheless, you are doing well, you will figure it out, no matter what, and I am here if anything..." she says gently stroking your shoulder.

"Also, you look stunning in your outfit and make-up. Figured out feelings or not you are amazing, and you will get the hang of this. But by then enjoy yourself, get yourself some nice things and some dick-"

"Oh my God pls stop, like not most of my issues came from that" you roll your eyes, laughing.

"Hey let's have fun, all right? It's your night" she says and squeezes your hand reassuringly, like always.

You just look at her and smile knowingly. "Girl you truly are the light of my life. You are amazing. Thanks for being my friend. And you look stunning as well. We deserve some nice things" you agree, and she laughs.

Maybe it did make sense all along. She always understood you the best, without much effort. You were relieved to gather your things and get there with a bit more clarity, good looks and a good mood for the evening, especially beside her.

-

 "Hi, reservation on Y/L/N" you say softly.

The waiter leads you to the table. You think maybe you picked something too fancy but you look good and Lia keeps pushing you with confidence.

Everyone is already there. You greet them happily, determined to make this a good time.

The dinner goes fine, 'uneventful but a good time', you would say. People keep each other entertained, even if you can't do that yourself, the restaurant is nice, like really nice, the food is good, and everyone is civil with each other, you assume for your sake. You get your presents and then you all decide to go to some other place and get a few more drinks and then walk around a bit to finish the night, before parting.

You find it weird that Sunwoo seems so quiet. After all he likes to be the centre of attention, and these are people familiar to him. You assume it might have something to do with that party. It would make sense. You find it even more weird that he is not particularly eager to drink, or even eat, as you observed at the restaurant. You would have asked him quietly if he is all right back there, but you were sat too far from him, between Hyunjae and Lia.

But now that he excused himself, so do you, as you want to make sure he is fine. You find him in the hall next to the bathrooms.

"Hey, you OK?" You ask and softly grab his arm.

He seems startled but his features softened immediately at he takes in your presence. "Yeah of course, why wouldn't I be?"

You eye him and narrow your eyes. He smiles at that.

"I just wanted to make sure. You were uncharacteristically quiet for yourself tonight."

"Oh, so now you want me to speak, huh? He smirks. "What happened to 'Sunwoo you are so annoying.' and 'I am always thinking of how to shut your annoying ass up', huh?"

"Oh, shut up."

He motions the 'zip up his mouth and throw away the key'.

"Stooooop. You are such a little shit." You say, as you lightly punch him. "But honestly if you don't feel great or anything you can just go home and relax or something"

"I feel great don't worry" he says and embraces you into a hug. "Happy birthday" he says in your hair, his head tugged in the crook of your neck.

"Thank you" you smile and break the embrace.

You return where everyone is and the atmosphere of the night resumes to its natural state. Maybe a bit tense, as in way... too civil for a group of friends, but still good.

The rest of the night goes by surprisingly fast. When you are saying goodbye and parting ways, Sunwoo is the first one to leave, on his own too, despite you offer to take everyone home. Lia leaves with Juyeon in his car and your other friend leaves with an Uber, which more or less conveniently leaves you and Hyunjae together. You wonder if they all planed this or something.

Although you both deem yourselves rational adults, the relationship you and Hyunjae had lately was weird, and created a different kind of unspoken tension between the two of you, no matter how hard you tried to pretend it was not like that. Even with the alcohol in your systems, you weren't exactly loose and your usual selves around each other. As you were driving to take him to his apartment it felt a bit awkward again. 'Since when do we go around each other like we are on shards?' You thought to yourself, as your eyes never once leave the road.

"You good?" He asks and looks at you.

Even at the stop signs you couldn't seem to want to make eye contact with him.

You turned nevertheless offering a small smile "Yeah, of course. Are you?"

"Yeah, but it's not about me." he says softly. "You seem a bit tense, and it's your celebration tonight after all."

"I mean...you seem tense too, if we were to take it that way." You laugh more to yourself.

He says nothing.

"We all have our periods of being weird, right?" You ask, but again, it was more of a rethorical question.

"Yeah. We definitely do." He says and places a hand on your hand, which was on the gear lever, soothing small circles, like he does sometimes.

Few minutes later you park in front of your apartment complex, as you usually do. It was a known arrangement from the times you used to hook up like two or three times a week. It was a habit. You would come from school or whatever place together, you would park, he would come up with you to make sure you were safe, he would come up with whatever excuse, you would hook up and then he would walk back to his apartment, which was only a 10 minutes’ walk.

You used to deem this convenient when you unspoken arrangement started. Now you weren't so sure.

"You sure you are alright?" He asks again, as you both got out of the car and close the doors. He leans on his side of your car. You lean on yours.

"Oh my God" you roll your eyes. "I am as all right as you know I always am." You briefly pause and shake your head seemingly teasingly, looking him in the eyes. "What do you want me to say?"

"I...I don't know, I'm sorry." He seems lost for words when he answers you.

Both your smiles seem courtesy.

"When did we get like this?" He ponders quietly, coming to your side and looking at you. You know it was again a rhetorical question.

Yet you feel the need to answer.

"It's like we're walking on eggshells around each other lately" you look up to meet his eyes.

"It really is like that." He says with a tight lip smile. "It used to be so easy. We talked so well and now we just don't seem to get the hang of that anymore."

"Yeah. I would say that is pretty spot on." you nod. "We got on so well ever since the beginning, despite everything, it felt natural."

"Yeah" he says and takes your hands, looking into your eyes.

"You are such an odd addiction to me, Lee JaeHyun" you say while looking in his eyes and slipping your hands from his.

"Oh, I see" he says with a smile "we are back to ID official name basis" he softly laughs. "OK then Y/L/N Y/N"

You can't help but laugh too. "Fucking moron" you say, still smiling at him, and leaning you head back against the car. He does the same next to you.

There are a few moments when none of you say anything, but you feel him close to you. Now it feels more like a comfortable silence. Everything is a bit more relaxed.

He takes your hand and intertwines your fingers. You sit like that for a bit. The air is nice, and it is quiet, as it is late. He gets up to face you. He closes in the distance between the two of you and puts a hand on your cheek.  

"Can I kiss you?" He asks in barely a whisper, looking at you softly.

"Yes" is all you say back.

His kiss is gentler than usual. Like he is almost shy. Like it's your first kiss. Like you are both just starting to explore and get to know what the other likes. Yet it still feels natural, good, exciting.

When you break the kiss for air, he still looks at you softly, with his wet, slightly plumped lips, and smiles.

"You looked amazing tonight" he says softly and goes for a hug. "Like you always do" he says in your hair. "You are amazing I wish I knew how to be what you want me to be" he says and places a soft peck on your forehead. It felt odd but you liked to indulge in him.

You take his head in your hands and make him look at you. "You shouldn't be anything I want you to be. Just be. Whatever else doesn't matter" you mutter.

"I suppose you would be right in a way" he whispers, his face so close you can almost feel his breathing. "But it does matter in another"

"Ok Mr. Philosophy" you say softly, laughing, and closing the gap to kiss him again.

'God it's so easy to indulge in him' you think as you are once again almost breathless from his kisses, your hands in his hair.

He goes in for another. More intense this time. His hands start wondering over your body like 1000 times before. It felt good. Good as always but maybe better. You were always a big believer in circumstances and wondered what kind of circumstances have led you to meet him and become so easily enthralled by him.

"Can I come upstairs?" He asks after breaking the kiss once again.

"Please" you say without hesitation.

Nothing new. He held your hand all the way up in the elevator and kept close to you as you fiddled with your keys to open the door. As soon as you are inside and close the door again, he doesn't waste a moment. He picks you up and places you on a random counter, things being shoved out the way. He didn't like how you were "so messy", but he didn't mind that much either. He found it amusing.

He started to run his hands up and down your body, and soon under your shirt. It has been a while since you two have been like this anyway.

You break the kiss streak and look at him amused. "You are so eager tonight" you smirk and wiggle your eyebrows.

"That's my line babe" he says and goes back to kiss your neck.

He breaks it to look at you again. "Besides, you are the one who is eager in the end. Always." He says and starts kissing again down to your cleavage, the first few unbuttoned buttons of your shirt giving him an easy access.

"Yeah" you say half breathless, but it comes out as half a moan. Your grip on his hair tightens. "You like to make sure you don't give me what I want when I want it" you say smiling.

"And that's what you like most about it" He says, coming at eye level with you once again.

"Mmmm, do I?" You say challenging.

"Oh, I know you do. I have proved it repeatedly" He smirks. "You gave me countless chances too" he says, close enough that you can feel it deep inside. The eye contact seems a bit too much. Too intimate. Like he has a piece of your soul, not only your body.

"I guess I did" you say quietly and smile, looking down. "But what did you really learn, Lee JaeHyun?" You look back up at him.

"Oh I learned everything I needed" he says a bit out of breath from kissing you everywhere. He looks you in the eyes once again. "everything and more." He picks you up again, squeezing your ass tightly. He carries you to the bedroom and throws you carefully enough, but forcefully, onto the bed, and then himself on top of you, intertwining your fingers and squeezing you tightly under him. You can feel him growing harder, as he grinds on you slowly. "I can prove it to you as well"

At this point you are sure you just want him to stop talking and get to what matters. He always liked to drag things on a bit too long, to make you desperate.

"Prove it then. Since you are so fucking cocky about it too" you roll your eyes, grinding your own hips against him. He responds with a groan.

Truth is...you enjoyed annoying him back so much. Not 'giving him what he wants' either. As if he was the one who longed after you. As you were the most confident and self-sufficient person ever. As if you weren't foolish and intoxicated in your own potential failures and despair. As if you could have the same control and power over him, that he does over you. But somehow, that seemed almost unimaginable.

But then, when he puts his lips on you, when he forces you to tell him what you want, when his eyes seemed to be staring straight into your soul, the fake confidence that you allowed yourself to have often would evaporate.

Resting his weight on his arms, he effortlessly positioned himself between your now parted legs, his hands caressing different parts of your body and going under your clothes. His lips are fast to follow, never breaking from your skin, as he dragged them along your jawline for the nth time tonight. He gets lower, soft and then harsh against your skin, taking his time as he worked you.

“You smell nice…” He breathes in your skin. You feel shivers.

You also felt a pang of satisfaction in the fact that he’d noticed your efforts, despite knowing that both of you don't really like wearing cologne. That was something you had in common.

You looked into his eyes and clutch at his shirt.

Veiny hands press down on your torso, sinking you more into the mattress. He could make you feel small, but in a good way.

His fingers finally grabbed your waist firmly, like to stop you from moving, but it’s not like you were planning to.

You like the pressure of his grip, it reminds you that you’re in fact there, that you have him, that you get to experience this with him. You like even more the way in which his knee now presses against your core, giving you a hint of what is to come. You can only whimper for more.

“Tell me what you want…” He purred, his fingers brushing against your thigh, making you squeeze.

“Just take me…” You whispered, your eyes glossy. “Any way you want.”

This somehow felt much more intense than usual. It seemed like he was suffocating you. Yet you wanted to go down deeper.

He finally takes your shirt off all the way, tugging at it until he gets rid of the thin layer of fabric that hid you from his sight.

He unclasped your bra before tossing it aside and pushing you back. His mouth soon rests on your chest, sucking and biting hard enough for you to squirm under his touch. Your nails to dig on his back. You motion for him to take his shirt off too. He complies easily but you don't get the chance to do what you want and explore him back.

He presses you back and his lips find your mouth, sucking harshly on your lips, his hand finds your throat and start chocking you. You moan shamelessly. It hurt just the right amount, and he knew.

"Do I learn well?" He says not bothering to stop his grip on your throat

You know he would like to hear your chocked answer, but you don't bother, you just nod, closing your eyes and digging your nails in his arms.

You liked how it hurt. It reminded you how you are alive, and it was much better than being on the amazingly boring loop of absolutely nothing, the comfort zone, which you seemed to get stuck in often.

"Not so mouthy anymore I see" he smirks and makes his way down to your jeans. He easily unbuttons and removes them. His face was now close to your core, his lips placing kisses on your inner thigh. One kiss on top of your panties and you were desperate. You tried grabbing his face to bring him where you wanted, get him to do what you wanted. It seemed to take him more than forever tonight.

"Told you you'd become desperate" he says looking up at you.

"You're boring me" you have the audacity to say despite your laboured breath giving you away.

"Aw really?!" he says, as in one motion sweeps your underwear to the side, his long fingers slipping through your wet folds, and you moaned helplessly as he puts pressure on your clit. "Cause you are really wet and bothered for someone who is not entertained at all" He holds his fingers over your clit, circling it in small motions, making your core tingle. He loved how you always reacted so well to him.

Your back arched off and your core tightened as he pushed his middle finger into your entrance, filling you just enough to give you that sensation of something. Because he knew that was what you wanted.

“You always do so well for me…good girl” He hummed, adding his index finger as he slowly pumped them into you. You feel your stomach tighten.

"Please..." You beg.

"Please what?" He says continuing with his movements.

"Please let me have it"

Suddenly Hyunjae stopped his advances. You knew of this habit of building you up, and not giving it to you. And you hated it.

But in reality, you loved to hate it. You liked it like that.

"Oh you will definitely have it, don't worry" he says standing up, as he frantically discards the last of his clothes, and freed his erection from the confines of his jeans. You knew you were just getting started. When it was just the two of you, unbothered by anyone, he liked to take his time, ruin you fully, despite you already being a mess. You still choose to huff at him for the way he is.

He teased your entrance and clit with his tip before slipping in effortlessly.

He kept the slow pace for a while before moving rapidly without a warning; his pace was rocking you both into the mattress and you couldn't want more right now. You couldn't form words if you wanted, his hands firmly held you in place as he was tipping you over the edge. You felt your orgasm approaching again, your pussy tightening against him, making him feel your euphoria.

“Oh my god-” You whimpered helplessly as he pounded into you, his hand finding its way to your throat again, applying just enough pressure to make you dizzy. Desperately clinging to his arms, you felt your high washing over you as he continued to move inside you. He closed his eyes, as the sensation of your high enveloped his length.

"God you make me crazy. You could make me and break me" he says as he continues to pump into you at a slower pace. He liked to overstimulate you.

You were overwhelmed with emotions, totally subdued, and with tears in your eyes. You weren't sure if it was the pleasure, the overstimulation, your emotions or the atmosphere. Maybe all. You felt lightheaded from the rush. Like you weren't real after all.

“I am gonna cum…” He hummed, beads of sweat lining his forehead as his fingers went to your mouth, and his hand cupped your jaw, messing up whatever make-up was still there after all this.

You take his fingers in your mouth and start sucking on them both because you liked it and as a distraction.

“Agh… Y/N-... I-” He grunted at the gesture, his movements becoming sloppier and slower, as he felt the blissful release wash over him. His jaw tensed "Can I-"

"Cum inside, yes" you answer without hesitation. You felt his gaze on you as he came undone inside you. You hummed in content, running your fingers in his hair, while he left his body weight completely on you.

The only sound breaking the silence in your apartment now, at 2 in the morning is you both, trying to catch your breaths.

Hyunjae remains hovering above you for a while. You don’t have the energy to push him off or even do anything. You lay there, occasionally running your hand over his back or in his hair. But you find yourself growing too hot and pushing him, to go open the window.

In classic him fashion he tightens the embrace and, as usual, you were just more determined push him off.

"I am opening the window. It's stuffy in here" you say without energy.

"Can't help it, can I?" He smirks and you push him again. He falls back, to lie on his back on the mattress. You open the window and go to the bathroom.

Now it makes you think. You don't regret doing it again in the slightest. It almost felt a bit too good. Even different. Therapeutic. You think to yourself ‘well you could make me or break me too, even if you didn't mean it’.

As you clean and fan yourself a bit, you wonder if you have more or less clarity than before. "I should... " you sigh to yourself.

However, there is not much time to think, as you hear him calling for you. You decide to put on some clothes too, even if not at all necessary. You come out in a large t-shirt and underwear, which were not even visible. Before returning you go to the kitchen and get two glasses of water. One cold and one not.

'God I even know his water preference, no wonder I am in too deep' you think before appearing in the doorstep of the bedroom. He eyes you carefully. There is a glint of something you can't quite process in the look he is giving you, but you choose to not linger on his gaze and go place the water on his side, on the nightstand.

"Thank you" he says, his voice groggy

"Of course" you say, and get to your side on the bed.

But you don’t stay next to him for more than a few seconds as you’re soon grabbed and shifted to rest on top of him.

You place your head on his chest but upon hearing the calmly beating of his heart, something about it makes you feel like you are out of place. Like you're not supposed to be there. To be this much "in his business". It felt too close, too comfortable.

But when he starts rubbing circles in your back you know you should react. You don't have the energy to deal with your emotions in this confused state. Not tonight.

“Stop that,” you speak weakly, partly because you’re way too tired, but also since it feels overwhelmingly intimate. He complies and you roll back on your side of the back, staring at the ceiling. He rises slightly and takes another sip of the water.

"You pay so much attention to me. You know how I like my water" he chuckles, and you are pretty sure he winked too despite not looking at him.

You are used to his jokes and weirdness by now, but choose to respond with a simple hum of affirmation, your expression not changing a bit. You sit up, getting some water yourself.

You know he probably expected some scoff of sarcasm or something along those lines as you usually react like that, but you guess you couldn't be bothered.

You can feel his gaze on you so intently after that, the light-hearted air between you two being once again gone, as it has been lately most of the times.

“Y/n.”

“Yes?”

Hyunjae shifts his head a tad, just enough to see you and he grabs your thigs to rest his head on them.

“Are you good?”

'Well shit' You thought. There it is. The thing that probably made you so attached to him in the first place. His attentiveness and sense for your feelings, despite his mighty limited understanding of them.

"Yeah, what makes you thinks otherwise?" you answer, almost automatic, like you do with customer service. A bit too polite, too detached. Like you are not even there.

"I... don’t know. You seem so deep on thought. Like you are not even here" he retorts.

'Well fresh hell, why does he know me so well'

"You know I am always deep in thought for no reason, what makes you think tonight is special?!" You say, only sparing him a glance, your words laced with pure sarcasm. But for some reason it seems forced.

He turns, his head still on your thigs and looks up at you.

"I... know... " he says and falls quiet without finishing his sentence.

You can feel the silence rising in the room is the not comforting anymore. You can tell that, both of you, once again feel tense around each other, even if not to a high degree. Your gaze is distracted by the sound of him shuffling to get his clothes from the floor. He puts back his underwear and shirt, leaving it unbuttoned.

He sits back on the bed on his knees, facing you at eye level now. However, that seems to be only more scary. As if you have to face him and your feelings at the same time and assess everything. You hate being caught like that, despite it happening all the time.

You are left once again to mutter curses at him in your head, but mostly at yourself, for becoming so intimate with him in the first place.

"You can tell me what you think-" he starts, when he feels the ever-growing, pressing quietness from you but stops mid-sentence while looking at you.

Despite the cold-ish air of the night coming through the window, the atmosphere feels even stuffier than before. You shiver.

"I wish I could tell you what I think. Most of the time I am not sure myself." You state and you can't help but look at your feet and hug them to your chest. When you look up at him for a mere second you just say, "You know that".

He does know that. To an extent, of course. He seems lost for words. So do you. Both tones of your voices seem foreign to you. You wonder if he feels it too.

"Y/n-" he starts and takes your face gently in his hand, to guide you to look at him. The hesitance between the two of you became uncanny, or so you think. You hate that. Dancing around each other like that. But it's something you do all the time. Seems like the only thing you know.

Your gazes are still locked but you are kinda looking through him. You blink.

"I don't know Hyunjae, I don't know what I think, how to act, what I should say, what I can say... it's like I know nothing. I don't even know how to express myself in the slightest right now" you say and feel your voice crack.

You lower your gaze, despite him still holding your cheek, and hug your knees tighter. That is when he lets go of your head gently, and engulfs you whole into a hug. He places a kiss on top of your head and runs his hands through your hair.

'God I am not strong enough' you think. You feel like you could break. It feels suffocating, despite being probably the most comforting gesture ever. It feels like it holds meaning, despite it not being the meaning you think you want.

His next gesture surprises you. And it seems to take him by surprise too, a little. After letting go of the hug he grabs your face and kisses you slowly. Without a reason. Without anything. It would seem so meaningless. But it also seems like it holds too much weight. Weight that... you, at least, are not ready or willing to take in your system. Yet you let your lips collide with his again slowly. You two don't normally do this after your hook-ups.

It's mechanic, it's just kissing, but something is screaming at you that it's not something you should get yourself into.

And to others it would seem "oh so beautiful'. Like two lovers sharing an intimate moment. The ones that hold a lot more meaning. Outside of sex. Light and pure. Just to comfort each other. A signal that you are there and count on the other so much. That you could throw yourself without hesitation in him, again and again, and vice-versa. But unfortunately, you know the two of you are not close to that kind of feeling. You two are not THAT. Even if you maybe craved it, desired it, at one point more than another.

You get up from the bed and pace around the room for a second, running your hand through your hair, a bit too harshly.

The next words that come out of your mouth are again a surprise, both to him and to you:

"I think we should stop seeing each other" you say, audible enough but not loud at all, and you don't really dare look him in the eyes. You look straight ahead and see your reflection in the window.

"Wha-" he looks taken-aback and his voice cracks too as he shifts backwards, at the end of the bed, legs on the carpet.

You get up too and stand at the edge of the bed, facing him despite not wanting to. It's harder than you thought. It feels like it holds all the responsibility you never wanted to take for this arrangement.

He doesn't dare move his hand to touch you, despite the urge. You look down at him, his expression again, seemingly laced with something you cannot decipher.

Your words seem to come from deep within, maybe unfiltered, maybe sincere, maybe not. You don't know. You just say it:

"I don't think I am emotionally good enough to be like this with you. To keep up. To continue this." You motion between the two of you. "I think you are way ahead of me and..." You feel your breath chocking you. "-and I think I am not able to keep up with um...-" you try to choose your words carefully, "- this arrangement that we established".

You take a pause to laugh, even if it's totally unwarranted for. You feel tears in your throat chocking you and the laugh sound manic. "God I sound so formal. It's like I am talking to the fucking president or make amends for the country" you say louder, looking up to blink the tears forming in your eyes.

Only then you look at him. His eyes are red and glossy too, as he looks up at you. You want to reach for his hands but don't.

"I... I’m sorry for making this so hard and weird and emotional and whatever this is-" you say, this time looking at him.

"It's just that- I don't think I will never ever prove myself enough to be good for us, for this, for whatever you want, for whatever we have. I don’t even really know what I want." you finally let out a breath long needed, feeling it in your throat, your words faltering and getting stuck with tears and emotions once again.

You see tears accumulating at the base of his eyes. You don't know how you reached here. He seemed to want to say a million things during your rant but was too scared to interrupt you. Now he just says nothing. He carefully reaches for your hand and starts soothing circles into it, like always. He slowly gets up and with his other hand he wipes one tear off your eye, tear you didn't even realise was falling.

Then, he once again takes you into his embrace. He is so much taller than you when he stands, so you feel protected, enveloped but also just small. Like you would break if he squeezed you tight enough. It's once again suffocating but also really comforting.

You could attribute this to being emotional on your birthday, and you know you will beat yourself up later, no matter the outcome. But for now, however, you choose to just feel his arms around you, find comfort in him, even if maybe you should not.

You both stay like that for a while. He soothes your hair. When you break the hug, you look at him, prepared to apologise again. You don't know for what, but you feel as if you should.

"I'm s-"

"Please for the love of God don't say you're sorry right now" he raises his voice to talk over you, his voice hoarse. He holds your face to look into your eyes. "It's my turn to rant" he says almost laughing and you let out a shigh.

He takes a step back and holds your elbows with his hands, maybe as a form of grasp, maybe cause he needs to feel you are there with him.

"You have nothing to be sorry for right now. I am glad you told me how you felt. Maybe I should be sorry. For not keeping up with you. Your thoughts. For not understanding you enough. For taking you for granted many times. You didn't have to keep up with me. I wish I knew what things meant and that I was better too." he says, his voice cracking. "I must say..." He pauses. "-lately I go confused too. I didn't know how I felt and what to do. Maybe I don’t know what I want either" He pauses again, taking a deep breath. "Guess you were right when you said all men are oblivious that one time".

He laughs. You do too.

The silence that was rising seemed comfortable once again. You went to sit on your desk chair, turning to face him, and he sat on the edge of the bed again. You once again sit there for a while. Eventually he intertwines your hands.

"Maybe you are right. Maybe we should stop seeing each other but-"

You look at him intently and abruptly, trying to catch everything he says, as he says it too fast. His grip on you tightens. He seems a bit stiff.

"-but promise me you won't ignore me completely when we have classes together or when we meet in the hallways or when our friends want to get coffee...”

You expression softens and so does his.

You don't respond immediately. You suppose he’s grown impatient.

"God damn you are actually such an addiction to me Y/n Y/l/n and maybe I never even realized, because you were giving me everything I wanted" he says chewing on his lips nervously. "-and more".

"I could say the same thing" you retort playfully, smiling. "You were easy to get addicted to, you were a good addition to my life too. You gave me a taste of what I wanted but I was too afraid to ask for" you say smiling. It felt good to take it out. It felt like you were both confessing something sacred.

"So promise me then." He says squeezing your hands.

"What should I promise, Mr Lee JaeHyun?" You say as you put your hand over your heart, smiling a smile that almost breaks into a laugh. He laughs too and does the same.

"Promise we won't ignore each other, and we will smile when we see each other in campus and we will continue to give each other the expertise we have, whether it be cake recommendations, life decisions, smoothies or marketing classes." He says like it's a country alliance, but in reality, you were both ridiculous.

You wipe your cloudy eyes again.

"Aw. Do you want to be my friend Lee Jae Hyun? Do you admire me that much?" You say teasingly, your eyes blinking heavily.

"Maybe I do. I think you are thoroughly interesting Y/n Y/l/n and I wish we could be good friends, or like… acquaintances" he adds smiling.

"Oh I see... Ok then” you pause. “I could say you are pretty interesting too. I would like to be your good acquaintance." You say genuinely smiling.

"Pinkie promise?" he says narrowing his eyes and putting his pinkie up.

"Oh is it really that serious?" you inquire, smiling widely and rolling your eyes at the same time. He gives you a small smile. "Fine. Pinkie promise" you add and lace your pinkie with his. He smiles widely and lets out a heavy breath.

You do too. You know despite the relief you feel now, that you will have to deal with the effects of heartbreak and separation from him. 

But for now, at 4 in the morning on a Sunday, maybe for the first time, after so long with him... you both feel free, comfortable and comforting being around each other. You both can smile with ease, despite feeling drained. You exchange glances that aren’t heavy, you are just other two foolish university students, who are too pressed about life and other matters.

[sooibian]

Trespassing is Prohibited!

Pairing: Baekhyun x Fem!Reader ft. Chanyeol

Genre: Fluff! Fluff! Fluff! Crack. Friends to Lovers AU, University AU (ish) 

Description: Byun Baekhyun has had enough. He finally wants to ‘man up’ and make you his. But things continue to spiral out of control all thanks to his friend, philosopher, and guide (a.k.a. The Worst Wingman Ever) Park Chanyeol.

Warnings: A very rambly Baekhyun and a longwinding confession

Word Count: + 3k

-------------------------------------------

“You want me to talk about the weather?” Baekhyun squeaked into the phone after having breathed in helium from the blown up balloon in his hand.

“The weather, politics...the economy even.” Heaving slightly, Chanyeol spoke after a moment, his usual gruff and masculine voice reduced to a wafer thin high pitched squeal, sending Baekhyun into a fit of helium suffused giggles.

Taking another drag off of the balloon, Baekhyun warbled and piped, “Say...say that again. Say economy again!”

“Eco...econo-” Chanyeol’s extreme outburst of laughter at the sound of his own voice, rendered him unable to pronounce the final syllable.

All along, you stood at the door, comfortably leaning against its frame and eavesdropping on their conversation or the blatant lack thereof. Chanyeol suddenly wanted Baekhyun to talk about the weather, politics, and the economy? You thought you’d grown immune to your best friends’ antics but they continued to up the ante and left you baffled, amused, or both every single time. 

You cleared your throat to catch Baekhyun’s attention but it fell on deaf ears. He rolled around in bed, breathing in helium, laughing hysterically, chanting the words ‘economy, weather, and politics’.

“BAEKHYUN!” You screamed at last. He scrambled to face you, wearing an expression of a deer caught in the headlights. You finally had the entirety of Baekhyun’s eight second attention span all to yourself.

“YAH! YAH! YAH! What are you doing here?” Baekhyun retaliated and then whispered something into his phone, stuffed it inside his pocket, straightened his shirt and sat primly on the edge of the bed like a child who’d been caught eating forbidden candy. He threw you an accusatory glance but there was an unmistakable hint of embarrassment and panic in his eyes.

Peering over your glasses, you snapped at him, “I’ve come to pick up my phone charger because you obviously lacked the courtesy to return it!”

“Oh!” His lips protruded into a pout and he tilted his head to the side as if in deep thought, “I’ll bring it over in the evening.”

“Why are you acting so….dazed and confused?” Slouching, you took careful, deliberate steps towards the bed and sat down next to him. Leaning into his frame, you sniffed his neck and whispered, “Are you...Baekhyun don’t tell me you’re on something!”

Levelling his face with yours, he searched your eyes before flicking your forehead in response to your wild allegation. “Shut up! The audacity! You’re the one barging into my house in the middle of the day. Trespassing is prohibited!”

Confused, you pulled away from him and asked, “What are you saying?”

The corners of his lips drooped. Brows knit together, he replied, “You should’ve called first!”

His extremely out of character standoffishness made you uncomfortable. You were clearly not interrupting anything other than a helium infused gala which, truth be told, you were greatly annoyed at not being invited to. Neither were you inconveniencing him in any way. You were to simply fetch the electronic device and head home. And this wasn’t anything out of character for you either. You’d always felt free to walk into his goshiwon as you did your own. Yet, here he was, dark hair unkempt, dressed in his usual baggy clothes, accusing you - his best friend, his emergency contact, the one he moved cities with for University, the only one who had the passcode to his goshiwon - of breaking and entering. You knew Baekhyun since the day you’d learnt to walk and in all these years he’d made you feel a lot of emotions - happiness, sadness, mostly anger but not once had he made you feel unwelcome. 

Your heart sank to your stomach at this abrupt coldness.

“Baekhyun, you took my charger, remember? My phone died.” Fighting the lump in your throat, you explained politely and proceeded to rummage his desk drawers for the said item.

“Wait!” He came trotting after you barefooted as you dashed out of his room. He grabbed your wrist to hold you firmly in place. 

While you were no stranger to physical contact with Baekhyun, these past three months since your break up had started to get increasingly excruciating for you. A slight brush of his hand with yours sent tingles through your skin, made your cheeks flame, your legs turned to jelly, and alarms blared inside your head. At first you thought it was just your hormones messing with you - he was an attractive man and you’d only recently been deprived of love and attention but you’d slowly begun to realize it was something far beyond that. Something you had an inherent knowledge of but were not quite ready to confront yet. 

“I’m leaving.” You replied matter-of-factly. Yanking your hand free from his grasp, you didn’t bother to look at him. “Helium makes you stupid!” You yelled instead, and banged the main door shut behind you.

.

.

.

After a week of radio silence (though he was still clearly avoiding you at campus) Byun Baekhyun had finally started texting you again and you realized that he was now a changed man.

He'd gotten...boring.

Every morning he'd send you a no effort good morning text along with, lo and behold, weather updates! Bland messages ending with the same emoji. Mostly alternating between 'Good morning! Don't forget to wear a mask today, the fine dust level is scary! ☺️' and 'Good morning! Don't forget to carry an umbrella today, it might rain! ☺️'

You'd almost always reply with a disinterested 👍 but he remained undeterred. 

Now it was as if Baekhyun and Chanyeol came as a package. The duo seemed to be joined at the hip and they walked in the opposite direction every time they caught you approaching them. Movements frantic, whispering in each other’s ears as if they were plotting to start a rebellion to overthrow the Government. But the Morning Daily from Baekhyun remained unchanged. Until one day, you snapped and replied with an emoji depicting another special digit used to indicate an entirely different sentiment from the sweet old 👍.

.

.

.

Later that evening you were dressed up for a double date set up by your classmate Jiwoo, your only “friend” other than Baekhyun and Chanyeol. She was to introduce you to her boyfriend’s friend who she thought was your type. Not looking for anything more than just a stress free and light evening, you decided to dress to the nines, let your hair down, and forget all about Baekhyun’s pigheadedness. 

Dabbing on just a hint of blush along your cheekbones, you gave yourself a quick once over in the mirror. It was then that a familiar beeping reached your ears and you rushed out of your bedroom to greet the unexpected visitor with a snarky comment.

“Trespassing is prohibited!” Crossing your arms over your chest, you glared at Baekhyun through your glasses. Dressed in a black hoodie, head covered in the Nike cap you’d gifted him for his birthday, twirling a pen between his fingers he just stood there, smiling sheepishly with a bag from your favourite desserts cafe in his other hand. It seemed like he’d come straight to yours after his lectures.

His gaze hesitantly roved over you and he questioned softly, “Going somewhere?”

Slinging a shoulder bag on, you averted your eyes and remarked, “It’s none of your business.” 

“Yah! Don’t be like that”, he said with a soft chuckle yet his voice bore a hint of dejection and apology.

“That’s rich coming from you. Allow me to remind you how strange you and Chanyeol have been acting since the last two weeks!”

“I’m - I’m ready to..talk about it.” He quipped, awkwardly proceeding to put the box of desserts in the refrigerator. He then very comfortably took a seat at the kitchen table.

Hands on hips, you sauntered to the main door and shook your head, gesturing for him to leave. “Not today, Baek. I’m running late.”

He pulled back the chair next to his, and drummed his fingers on the table nervously. “Come sit. I won’t take too long. I promise.”

Letting out a deep sigh, you dragged your feet to the table and slumped into the chair.

“You look nice.” Lips stretched into a thin line, he stole a glance at you and said to his cuticles instead. 

“BAEKHYUN!”

“Okay..okay sorry… so the day you came home?”

“Please stop doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“Drawing out sentences in a question.”

Inhaling deeply, a slightly irate Baekhyun replied, “I’m trying okay.”

“Listen, first of all I am really annoyed at not being invited to that helium balloon call? So I’d advise you to think twice before saying anything stupid. Tell me...why did you two think it was a good idea -”

Embarrassed, he interrupted to get that part of the discussion out of the way. “Chanyeol and I just wanted to know what we sounded like… over the phone, you know? We sounded..err...squeakier.”

“Okay...I hate to say this but ...makes sense, I guess? Why wasn’t I invited?”

“Because - ”

You leaned in closer, questioning eyes locked with his.

“Because -”

“Baek, I’m running late!”

“It’s because we were talking about you!”

“No? You were talking about politics -”

“Politics, weather and -”

‘The economy’ The two of you said in unison, face averted from each other to keep from laughing at the recent memory of Chanyeol’s oddly peculiar way of saying it.

“Yes..so Chanyeol and I were discussing how you probably don’t see me as a man? Like … a man man?”

Face scrunched into an expression of pure confusion, your mouth fell open to answer Baekhyun but no words came out. His lower lip had begun to wobble slightly and he rubbed his palms on his thighs before continuing. “He was of the opinion -”

“You’re literally the only one to ever pay heed to Loey’s opinions!”

“Yah! Don’t shit talk my Loey!”

“Yah! He’s my Loey too! Moving on”, pinching the bridge of your nose, you urged him to continue with a curt nod.

Baekhyun straightened his spine, threw his shoulders back and explained, “We had a thought.” 

“Both of you? The same one?”

“Ye-yes?”

“This is not going to end well. I can feel it in my bones.”

“Can you stop acting like you’re better than us? Just for a moment?”

“Fine! Go ahead.”

“We thought that it was about time you started to see me that way.”

“That way?”

“The way you used to look at your greasy vermin of an ex?”

“With sheer contempt and disgust?”

“That was after. I mean like before.” Hands balled into fists, Baekhyun looked at your expectantly.

“I don’t get it.”

He gave you an exaggerated smile as if to centre himself before throwing more vague questions your way. “What is the one thing - the only thing - I can actually cook?”

“Haejangguk?”

“Exactly! Do you get it now?”

“I have a thousand of reasons ...or ideas as to how you and Chanyeol would manage to relate Haejangguk with politics, weather, and the economy but I’d rather not dive into that cesspool. Instead I’ll allow you to explain.”

Baekhyun’s eyebrows shot up in concern as he explained softly, “Haejangguk helps with your hangovers. It took me fourteen tries to master! And it was Loey who ate every single spoilt batch. Without any complaints!”

“I wouldn’t say you’re any good at it even now but...sure whatever.” Rolling your eyes, you murmured.

Your phone chimed with a text from Jiwoo but before you could answer, Baekhyun snatched it from your hands and shoved it in the pocket of his hoodie.

“Pay attention. This is more important than that loser you’re going to meet.”

“Baekhyun!”

“No, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t watch you go from one idiot to another.”

“I’ve literally only dated two guys! Why are you suddenly getting territorial?”

“I am not getting territorial! What I’m saying is…  I spent these two weeks rehearsing the right thing to say to you but - screw that! And listen. You cannot do this anymore!”

“Do what?”

“You cannot waltz into my thoughts anytime you like! For instance I’m eating a tangerine, I think of how it would magically taste sweeter if I could only share it with you. Your face suddenly flashes before my eyes and I lose my mind while I’m doing the most mundane things like riding the subway or having a meal or talking to someone. I go grocery shopping and the first thing I pick up is strawberry milk and it’s not even my favourite! But I bought a whole damn carton because you love strawberry milk! I have cucumbers! Cucumbers! In my fridge because what if you crave oi muchim with your ramen some day and woe betide me if I DO NOT HAVE CUCUMBERS! I waste 4,050 Won every week on cucumbers but it DOES NOT MATTER because it would be nothing short of a tragedy if you want something and I can’t give it to you. Like, have you looked at yourself when you get upset? When your lips stretch into a thin line and your eyes ever so slightly lose their sparkle. It makes me want to pluck the bloody stars from the sky and lay them at your feet if it means that I can make you smile again. Do you know how warm you are? I mean, like, physically warm. Especially when you’ve woken up from a nap. So, so warm. I feel like wrapping you in my arms, putting your head on my chest and just...staying like that. Freezing the moment in time. Freezing the moment in time! Look at what you’ve done to me! I'm saying these cheesy things and I'm doing boring things like studying politics and understanding the state of affairs and keeping up with fine dust levels just so that you see me differently! So that I can somehow make you believe that you can rely on me. Think of me as more than just a friend who used to pull your pigtails back in the day.” 

The beat of your heart boomed in your ears. You hugged your coat tighter around yourself as if to conceal its conspicuous sound. Your throat felt dry and your spine liquified in the face of his overwhelming confession. You had a million things to say to him. And there was one specific thing you were dying to do the moment your eyes landed on his soft, strawberry pink lips.

Eyebrow cocked, you said in a low whisper. “Why not buy a jar of oi muchim instead? It’ll surely last longer than a week.” 

He buried his face in his hands and let out a shallow, pained wail and continued. “I'm done.” He looked up at you. Eyes droopy, lips pouty. “Put me out of my misery. Look, if you don't like me back the way I like you just ...forget that I said any of this. We can go back to being what we were at 7 o’clock. It's 7:30 now, we can rewind, 30 minutes. But don't...don't...what the hell how can you just sit there and act like you're watching a freaking movie. React! Say something! Actually...don't! Oh my god this is a trainwreck! I had rehearsed the right thing to say...but I got distracted by the indentations on the corners of your lips..I think I'm having a full blown breakdown… I just want to - ugh!"

"You just want to what, Baekhyunnie?"

You took his fists in your hands, eased them open and laced your fingers with his.

He clamped his eyes shut, slouched to make himself small, and muttered. "Don't call me that!"

Giggling softly, you repeated, "Baekhyunnie?"

Baekhyun flicked his eyes open. Unabashedly studying the curve of your lips, he whispered ‘Stop.’ His hand gently rested on your cheek, eyes seeking approval. You nodded in response, feeling your face flame. His honeyed gaze darkened as he leaned in closer, a sweet scent of bubblegum wafting in the space between you. His hand found the back of your neck, lips ever so slightly parted. Finding his movements excruciatingly slow you gravitated towards him while your breath hitched in your throat. He took your hand and placed it on his chest as his silken lips melted into yours. He held you like you were fragile, like he was experiencing the sensation of your skin on his for the very first time, committing every slight brush, every single touch to memory. You felt the wild hammering of his heart against your fingers despite the thickness of his cozy hoodie, your own reacting in likeliness. 

Baekhyun held you by your shoulders and gently pulled away, breaking the most delectable first kiss you’d ever had. Tilting his head to the side he looked at you briefly before making vague hand gestures and shaking his head. He opened his mouth to say something but found himself at a loss for words. Face flushed, he opened his mouth again after a while only to clamp it shut. 

Byun Baekhyun was processing.

After having had your fun with his perplexity, you smiled at him and raised an eyebrow questioningly, prodding him to speak.

“So...does this mean we’re?” He asked, voice faintly tremulous.

Pursing your lips to stifle a giggle you teased, “Yeah?”

“Am I your...I mean...are you my….girl-girlfriend?” Averting his eyes from yours, he inquired, while shyly rubbing the back of his neck.

Half shrugging, you answered, “Depends.”

Baekhyun’s face fell. “Depends?!” He exclaimed, almost in falsetto.

"Depends on whether you want to continue sending me daily weather updates.” You deadpanned.

“This feels like a trick question.”

“Yes or no?”

“N-no?”

“Then, yes. Byun Baekhyun, congratulations, you’ve earned the unequivocal and irrevocable right to call me your girlfriend.”

“Does it mean that you didn’t like the new and improved version of me?” He asked hesitantly, face clouded over with caution.

“That wasn’t the Baekhyunnie I fell for.”

“Yah!” Surprised at your sudden blurry confession, his eyes grew into large brown circles but the moment his gaze met with yours, his expression softened again. He smiled sheepishly and spoke tenderly, “Okay...noted. You too can call me your”, he cleared his throat, took your hand in his, placed a soft kiss on it and used his most dulcet voice to say, “boyfriend.”

-------------------------------------------------

A/N: hello, hello @you-did-well-moon​ hope you enjoyed this very cheesy confession from Baekhyun! 

@exolssecretsanta​

[forhereyesonlyyy]

(i) lean on me. // gfriend, cyn. // one-shot.

in which you were feared by everyone in your school due to your violent nature, but one curious girl just can't stay away from you.

word count: 7.0k

author's note: i would like to apologize for the radio silence... but anyway, here she is! my favorite girl, yuju! 🥺 i didn't expect this to be so long so this will have several parts 😆 part two will be posted next week so make sure to stick around for that if you want to see more! i hope you guys enjoy reading this! btw, i did a lot of changes while i was writing this so if you see any strange mistakes, that’s me not proofreading properly,,,,

tags (overall): high school au, slow burn, angst, fluff, enemies to friends to lovers.

warnings (overall): violence, injury, bullying.

next: (ii) lean on me.

You stared at your reflection in the mirror, staring deeply at your right arm that was wrapped in a cast. It has been weeks since your little incident, and you’ve told both your parents and your doctor that you feel fine but they still advised you to wear the cast just in case you ‘get into trouble’ again. You rolled your eyes hearing your older brother’s stern voice calling you an ‘immature, reckless brat’ in your head. It’s not like you were made of glass. Hell, the reason you got injured in the first place is because you tried to prove that you weren’t made of glass. It was indeed stupid but at least you’re not the one still sitting idly in a hospital room.

Just as you came out of the restroom for female students, the bell rang throughout the halls, indicating the start of the day. Fortunately, your locker was just in front of the restroom and it didn’t take you long to walk to your first class since it was only a few doors away. You could feel several pairs of eyes on you as you made your way to your usual seat which was right in the middle of the room.

A kind soul pulls out the chair for you and you raise your head to see Jung Eunha, the school sweetheart, smiling at you. “Welcome back, (Y/N). Good to see you again.” She said. Now, you and Eunha weren’t the closest schoolmates, but you’ve shared a couple of conversations before. She was one of the only people you would willingly hang out with for a whole weekend, and that says a lot since you’re known to mostly keep to yourself. Eunha is really the only one who was genuinely nice to you in the school, and unlike most, she’s not completely terrified of you.

“Thanks and uh, you too.” You said as you sat down on the chair. The teacher wasn’t present yet, he always takes too much time in the staff room and unknowingly allows his first class to cause havoc for the first ten minutes of class. Eunha sits near the back with her lovely girlfriend and her self-proclaimed sister-in-law who were complete polar opposites. You pay them no mind, they’re not that important to you. You were pretty sure that Eunha’s girlfriend hates you, for obvious reasons, and the sister-in-law is just not into troublemakers.

It was a shame. Kim Yewon was cute.

You still felt eyes on you and if it weren’t for your teacher suddenly walking inside the classroom, you probably would’ve picked a fight and either ended up in the principal’s office or the infirmary, again. This time though, you managed to control yourself and keep your eyes forward. Looks like those anger management ‘classes’ weren’t a waste of your time after all.

“It seems like today is the day of warm welcomes! (Y/N) is back after her well-deserved recovery break and we have a new student joining us,” The teacher says enthusiastically. His comic-worthy optimism has always pushed the wrong buttons, but today you were more annoyed that everyone is in your business. It’s like they’ve never seen a girl deck someone and win. “Come in. I promise these kids don’t bite.”

“If you’re an idiot, that could be arranged.” Eunha’s girlfriend, Kim Sojung, mutters to which everyone who heard chuckles at. You hear Eunha smack the taller girl lightly, but she couldn’t help but giggle too. It’s true. You lean your back on your chair, trying to relax since you felt a little too uncomfortable with your casted arm. You didn’t know how to work around it, where the hell should I even rest it at?

Your attention was soon stolen by the not-so-subtle chorus of ‘wow’s and the obvious atmosphere change in the classroom. You lift your eyes from your arm to the front and standing there was this unfamiliar girl clad in pink, black, and white. Her lustrous black hair sits on top of her shoulders, reaching just nearly below her breasts. She was wearing socks that extended to her knees and white shoes with heels that made her taller than she already looked.

Jesus, she was pretty. Like really pretty. Your mouth was half open as your eyes shamelessly roamed this stranger’s figure. Other than her shining orbs, there was just one more thing that stood out to you.

This new student shared the same casted arm as you, but at least it wasn’t on a stupid arm sling like yours. And she still looked beautiful despite the injury. She also just looked at you and smiled, which caused you to suddenly force yourself to stare down at your desk, suddenly finding the cover of your textbook interesting.

“Would you kindly introduce yourself to your new friends?” The teacher says, gesturing to the countless pairs of intrigued eyes focused on the tall girl at the front.

“My name is Yuju,” You slowly lift your head and oh, were you not prepared to find this girl staring intently at you. She wasn’t hiding her interest in you very well either. Some students at the front have allowed themselves to follow the new student’s gaze and were surprised to find out that they were on you of all people. It was like she was telling you her name instead of the whole class. You awkwardly turn your head somewhere else, it was too early in the morning for you to deal with weirdos. “Glad to be here.” The girl in the front said.

“And we’re happy to have you,” The teacher scans his classroom for a vacant seat and finds one right next to the window. It was three seats away to your left, thank goodness. “You can sit right there, in front of Jung Chaeyeon. Chaeyeon, please raise your hand.”

Yuju smiles kindly at Chaeyeon and walks towards the seat without another word, politely greeting her other classmates on the way. You intentionally put your attention into something else, but that didn’t stop Yuju from greeting you and smiling at you. Not even thirty-minutes in this classroom and she’s already on my ‘avoid forever’ list. That’s a new record. I’m impressed, new girl.

“Damn, I guess you’re not completely deprived of game after all,” The girl sitting behind you, Jung Yerin was her name as far as you cared. You shoot her a confused look. You genuinely did not know what that meant enough to get offended. “I don’t know if you noticed but that girl totally got into you as soon as she spotted your admittedly pretty face.”

You avert your gaze to the girl in question. Yuju was chatting with Chaeyeon, you guessed that they were going to be getting along pretty well. Amidst her small talk with the eye candy right behind her, Yuju managed to turn her head a little towards your direction and she winked before going back to talking with Chaeyeon.

She winked. At you. In front of everybody! Your mouth fell open at the sheer lack of shame of this new student. (As if you wouldn’t have done the same if she hadn’t rendered you speechless first.) Who the hell does she think she is?!

“Careful, (Y/N). I don’t want to lose you to the dark side too. Don’t fall in love!” Yerin exaggeratedly shakes your shoulders, faking panic and desperation in her voice.

You rolled your eyes, “Shut up.”

-

It was lunch time and normally, you would be wandering the hallways looking for some unlucky freshmen to pick on, but not today. You were sitting in a nearly empty classroom with several students who often stirred up trouble wherever they went. Your kind of people, but they were way too boring and standard for you so you never really hang out with them.

Technically, you weren’t a stranger to the detention supervisor. You’ve been in her ‘punishment’ room more than your own classes. Her way of torturing the troublemakers is by forcing them to do childish tasks that are supposed to be relaxing and therapeutic. For a long time, all the exercise has done for you is to annoy the living hell out of you until you were nearly pulling all of your hair out, but you’ve found a way to have fun. If it weren’t for detention, you would’ve never found coloring enjoyable.

“Aw, who knew you had a talent for coloring?” Jung Yerin emerges from behind you and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes, having forgotten that she was indeed here as well. Yerin wasn’t nearly as bad as you, she just liked pulling pranks and messing with the wrong people, that would be the teachers. You’ve heard that she was trying to impress one of the cool girls, Hwang SinB was her name, but you couldn’t care less.

“Girls, finish your task first and then you can chat.” The supervisor said, her eyes not even leaving the novel in her hands. Yerin sits back down on her seat, crossing her arms over her chest and staring at the clock sitting in the front of the classroom. You quietly continued finishing the rest of the page on the coloring book. Time always seemed to move slowly in this particular classroom but you adjusted to it pretty well. You weren’t sure about Yerin though, she always wanted to be doing something. It was impossible for her to stay still.

And that was exactly why she threw a balled up paper in your desk.

The supervisor didn’t seem to notice, she was way too engaged in her novel. You threw a glare towards Yerin, but she didn’t even flinch. Now, you don’t really get angry when you try to scare someone and it doesn’t work, it just makes you feel irritated. Because that’s not the same as getting angry, right?

Can we get out of here right now was written on the paper. You wrote a quick stop bothering me with red crayon and threw the paper behind you, hitting Yerin directly in the forehead. Upon reading your message, Yerin sighs deeply and presses her head against her desk. It was going to be a long lunch time.

“Excuse me,” A now familiar voice manages to steal your attention from the coloring book and when you looked at the direction of the door, you saw the face you’ve been trying to avoid since that eventful morning. Yuju stands by the door, seemingly surprised to see you sitting inside the room. You don’t exactly know why, but you couldn’t keep your eyes off of the tall girl. When you cocked your eyebrow and hardened your eyes, Yuju switches her gaze from you to the supervisor. You could hear a faint whistle coming from the back. It wasn’t Yerin. “I was told that you would be the one to show me where my locker is?” Yuju asked.

The supervisor closed her novel and nodded, “Ah, I’m assuming you’re our newest student then! Follow me.” She said, standing up from her chair and grabbing a single sticky note from one of the drawers in her desk. Before trailing behind the supervisor, Yuju once again looks at you and flashes you a tight-lipped smile before walking away.

“She has a nice body, don’t you think?” Yerin asks. You ignore your classmate to dwell on your own thoughts. You were getting pretty annoyed by the attention this new student was giving you. You haven’t stopped thinking about how she literally did not even hide her interest in you earlier in the morning, so now everyone is just looking at you more than ever.

The fact that you tend to get flustered around someone who has the hots for you is not unknown information to everyone as well, so now they can tease you to no end, and that just makes your blood boil. You had little to no control of your temper and often thought that violence is the answer to everything, but you weren’t completely heartless! Of course you’d be a blubbering mess when someone makes it obvious that they like you.

But you don’t know a single thing about Yuju, so you weren’t even sure if she was being serious or not. If this is her way of embarrassing me then I’m not gonna be so nice.

“If you won’t date her, then can I?” Yerin snaps you out of your thoughts. She was now sitting on the chair beside you, and you’ve just noticed that she was wearing this shit-eating grin that you hated so much.

You barely stopped yourself from throwing crayons at her direction, “Seriously, shut up.”

 -

 “Hello,” Oh, fuck me. “I’m Yuju.”

It was nearly time for the next round of classes to start. What the hell is this girl doing here?

You slammed your locker shut and leaned your shoulder on it, you winced slightly but you recovered quick enough for Yuju to not even notice it, “I’m aware. What do you want?” You hoped that your tone would drive her away. You really didn’t want to help her, you just wanted to go to class.

Instead of coming up with a dumb excuse to leave as you had initially expected, Yuju only looked as if she had won the lottery, having your attention and all. She couldn’t stop herself from smiling and you just wanted to get out of there. You came up with the conclusion that this girl just does not know enough about you to be scared, or maybe she’s just plain stupid and persistent.

“Could you show me where Mr. Lee’s English class is?” Yuju asked. She was holding a piece of paper in her hand, which you assumed was her schedule. You find yourself a little confused. This girl could’ve just walked around the hallways until she found the right room. Or she could have asked one of the teachers to show her around! Why would she— wait.

You look at this girl and her charming smile and realize that wow, she was really bad at subtlety. This is her way of getting me to be alone with her and talking to me? It wasn’t the oldest trick in the book, you admit, but it gets the job done. Probably.

Not with you, though. You’d never give her the impression that you were interested. Because you really weren’t.

“It’s this way.” You said, turning around and walking away from the lockers.

Yuju quietly follows you as you lead her to one of the school’s infamous areas, the science hallway. Of course, Yuju doesn’t know a thing about the school yet so she doesn’t know that you were leading her to nowhere. Mr. Lee’s English class was on the other side of the building. A part of you just didn’t want to go all the way over there, and you also just wanted to mess with this new girl.

Yuju doesn’t seem to notice anything strange, she was just admiring the scenery beyond the window. It was just the garden. Obviously the garden would be seen from the science building, how convenient. You briefly look over your shoulder to see if Yuju was starting to become aware of what you were trying to do, but she was completely mesmerized by the field of flowers below.

Now I kinda feel bad… but I also don’t care.

“You can find it somewhere around here,” You gestured to the hallway filled with giant lab rooms. You looked at the taller girl beside you and yeah, she was completely clueless. It nearly made you crazy how much Yuju trusted you with something like this. There was no way she never felt like she was going to be kidnapped or killed while being led to this place. “I’m late. Knock yourself out in your English class. See you never.” You muttered before walking back to the opposite direction.

Not even halfway through the hallway, you hear Yuju calling for you, “Wait.” Her voice was like a whisper, but you hear it loud and clear. You stopped in your tracks, waiting for Yuju to continue.

“What’s your name?” Yuju asked, pulling on the ends of her skirt anxiously. You find it hard to believe that none of the gossips in the school has told Yuju about you and your unpleasant behavior, but seeing that she was eager to follow you without an ounce of hesitation, you could believe it too.

Well, (Y/N), let’s find out just how willing she is to keep her guard down around you.

You started walking back towards Yuju with your chin slightly tilted up. You cracked your good knuckle, it was a form of intimidation. It usually worked. You had no doubt that you looked like an idiot instead of a monster because of your injury, but seeing Yuju slowly become more and more uncomfortable tells you that it’s working somehow.

Eventually, you were standing right in front of Yuju, leaving almost no space for God. She smelled like fresh strawberries and mint. Yuju’s eyes were darting everywhere from your eyes, to your nose, to your lips. You couldn’t help but smirk. So she is scared, that’s hot.

“(Y/N).” You said, running your tongue across your upper lip before turning around and finally leaving. You didn’t look back. Somehow, you just knew that you left Yuju a blushing mess after that stunt you pulled.

And you were right.

 -

“(Y/N),” There was fifteen minutes before the first classes started and you found yourself standing in front of the detention supervisor’s desk. She was waiting by your locker when you arrived, and you just knew that Yuju was the one behind this. I guess she’s got guts after all. “I’m very disappointed in you. After the countless hours you’ve spent in this classroom, I thought you’d have developed a less foul behavior, but I guess I was mistaken.”

The supervisor shakes her head. She irritated you so much. “You’re not my mother, you know.” You replied.

She ignores you, “Yuju was thirty minutes late to her English class yesterday after you dragged her to the wrong place. I know your main source of entertainment is to mess with your peers but this was taking it too far.” The supervisor said.

You couldn’t help but laugh, “What does that even mean? So what if I tricked her? I do it to everyone else and you don’t give me much shit for it, what’s so different now?”

“In case you hadn’t noticed, Yuju is injured too,” You couldn’t find words to spit back. You had forgotten about that. “I told her to come to you if she needed help because I assumed that being around someone who shared your pain, and someone who seemed like a decent person, would allow you to stop being so difficult all the time.” The supervisor confessed, sighing deeply. You stared at the fake plant sitting on her desk quietly. You wondered why you hadn’t stormed out of the classroom yet.

Whoa, do I actually feel bad?!

“Please stop talking as if you really know what happened with me,” You spoke calmly, not wanting anything to get out of hand so early in the morning. “That girl and I do not ‘share the same pain’. Her injury is so much more simpler than you think.”

You walked towards the door, ready to leave and forget this specific event forever, but the supervisor’s voice stops you. “Apologize to Yuju, okay?”

“Fine.” You replied without much thought before exiting the classroom.

 -

“You snitched on me.”

Yuju jumps at the sound of your chilling voice. She turns away from her locker, which you now just realized was right next to yours unfortunately, and faces you with confusion evident on her face. It annoyed you. You were starting to lose patience after that encounter with the supervisor and it was only seven fifty-five in the morning. And the fact that Yuju still hasn’t caught on to what you were implying after you’ve given her a second to do so makes your blood boil even more.

Now you really needed to control yourself.

Taking a deep breath, you clenched your good fist and slowly stretched it out as you exhaled. You narrowed your eyes at the taller girl once again and spoke softly, “About yesterday. To the supervisor.”

Yuju shakes her head, “Ms. Kwon? No, I didn’t. I never said a word to anyone. I think she figured that out on her own.” She replied. She smiles at everyone that passes by, and bows her head to any teachers that she sees. If it was any other person, you would be scoffing at how pretentious they were, but you noticed that Yuju was just genuinely polite, so you didn’t bother to comment on it.

It just occurred to you that you hadn’t replied, but truthfully, you didn’t know what to say with the new information. Why am I even staying here? This is a waste of my time. I gotta get to class.

“Okay, well, just trying to make sure you’re not getting too brave.” You said and walked away, not even bothering to bring any of what you might need for the class. You could just ask Yerin for anything anyway. She may not look like it, but she’s actually really smart. Maybe she’s learning something from constantly hanging out with Yewon and her little group of kiss asses.

“Can I walk to class with you?” Yuju asks, although she had already caught up to you. That look in her eyes was back. The one that makes her look like she had just found the greatest treasure in the world. You don’t exactly know why this girl is still sticking around you after what you did, and you wished you could tell her off, you really did, but something about that look was stopping you.

“What the hell is your deal?” was the only thing you could say at the moment. As far as you’re concerned, that was as close as you can get to telling Yuju off. The two of you stop walking in the middle of the hallway, just staring at each other as if your life depended on it. And because of that, you didn’t see the wave of students coming towards you.

Before you knew it, you were being pushed into the wall. No, that was wrong. You were being pushed into Yuju as the horde of students passed by. Yuju’s back was already pressed against the wall, and with all your might, you try not to move your head forward because if you did, you’d be kissing your newest enemy.

But you couldn’t deny that Yuju was so much prettier up close. As you stared up at her, you could clearly see how her eyes slowly absorb every single detail of your face and when she stops at your lips, pauses, and looks back up at you as if to let you know of her intention, your heart skips a beat.

What is wrong with me?

“Ain’t that a pretty sight,” As if on cue, the literal Devil makes her entrance. Sojung stands behind you with a smug look on her face, and beside her stood Hwang SinB, her partner-in-crime, who shared the same said smug look on her face. “I think we got our school’s hottest new couple, after me and Eunha of course, what do you think Bi?” Sojung teases, nudging her best friend in the arm.

“I don’t know, Sojung. Maybe if (Y/N) cleans up her act then she would be perfect for our innocent little Yuju, but I guess they’re good the way they are now.” SinB joined in, grinning. You felt your ears heating up with all the teasing and you continued walking along the hallway without a word, making Sojung and SinB laugh from where they were standing.

If only your other arm was working… and if only Eunha wasn’t your friend, you probably would’ve pulled out a strand of Sojung’s hair or two.

“Are you okay? I hope you didn’t crush your arm back there.” Of fucking course, she’s still here. Yuju stops you just before you both reach the door of your first class. A lot of students were already trickling inside the classroom with only five minutes left until lessons start and since Yuju has wasted so much of your time, now you just feel like skipping the whole period and have some time for yourself.

“I’m fine,” You replied in a monotone voice. Yuju doesn’t seem convinced although you were telling a half-truth. Sure your arm was throbbing a little but it doesn’t hurt that bad. You sighed deeply, just wanting this morning to finally be over. “Could you leave me alone now? I don’t have time to play with you today.” And with that, you made your way inside the classroom without another word. You spot Yerin sitting on her seat, waving at you and frantically gesturing for you to hurry and come over.

Finding no other choice, you walked towards your seat and almost immediately, Yerin pulled you down. “The streets are saying that you and Yuju did a little something in front of everybody earlier, is that true?!” She says excitedly.

“By ‘streets’ you mean these loudmouths who are so bored that they stick their noses up in someone else’s business,” You gestured to your classmates. Those who heard threw a dirty look towards you but you ignored them, they were the kind of people who cowered in fear with one look from you so you were sure that they wouldn't actually try to grab you or talk back at you, that made you feel powerful. Yerin nods at your statement. “Nothing happened.” You said as you swiped the notebook on top of Yerin’s desk.

“Dude, that’s mine,” Yerin complains. She tries to snatch it back, but you were fast to turn around and place it at your desk. “I really preferred it when you had two hands because then I could punch you and get away with it.” The girl behind you says, officially giving up and allows you to borrow her notebook.

You grin, although Yerin can’t see it, “I prefer me with two hands too because that would mean that I can wrestle you to death.” You said. You were pretty sure that Yerin already had the whole lesson covered anyway. You have no doubt that she spends most of her free time getting ahead of everybody else so she can sleep while classes are going. I wish I had that much dedication.

While reading your friend’s notes, you felt a chill run down your spine suddenly. It was a weird thing your body does, it was like a warning. Someone with devious plans to take me down is looking at me and if it’s Sojung… then I’m sorry, Eunha!

You slowly turn your head to the direction of where you felt your ‘enemy’ was and lo and behold, Yuju was sitting prettily in her chair staring at you with nothing but the look of an absolute lovestruck person in her face. When she realized that she was just caught staring, she scrambled to find something to do but ultimately failed. You couldn’t help but giggle to yourself, what an idiot.

You feel Yerin lean close to your ear, “You will never admit it so I’m gonna say it. Her charms are really working on you, huh?” She teased, her smile increasing bit by bit when she saw how red your ears have gotten.

“Yerin, I swear, sh—”

“Shut up? No, thank you.”

 -

Your first class was math, and as if that wasn’t enough to drive you crazy early in the morning, your second class was science. Now you really felt like skipping classes. You thought about inviting Yerin, but felt that you needed to be alone and plus, you’d never give her the chance to tease you about how you’re slowly adjusting to her presence all the time. You hated how she is always talking about Yuju though, and the way she was talking about the new student rubbed you the wrong way.

You shake your head at your thoughts. Everybody thinks she’s hot and I don’t give them shit for it. Yerin is Yerin! She’s always talking about girls. Still though, Yuju—

“Oof.”

A strong force nearly knocks you down on the ground, but you manage to regain your balance in time and stay up. You glared at the poor soul that dared to cross your path, but you immediately soften up at the sight before you. It was Yuju, rubbing her behind after she got knocked down. Several textbooks were on the floor and you realized that it was probably your fault that this happened since you were so lost in your thoughts.

“The hell are you doing here?” You say instead of apologizing like a normal person. You clench your good fist, refusing to let yourself succumb to the guilt that was slowly creeping up inside you. Yuju looked surprised to see you. She takes a second or two to process what was going on before she finally blurts out a reply.

“I needed textbooks for my classes. I was just on my way back to Ms. Kwon to have her check them out for me in the library so I can use them tomorrow.” Yuju said, her cheeks beginning to get pink because of her embarrassing position. You looked around, it was empty, not a soul in sight. You squatted down and inspected the textbooks, looking like she has the right ones at least. You take one with your free (only) hand and put it on top of another, stacking them neatly.

Yuju scrambled to stop you, “I-It’s fine. I got it. I don’t want you to get hurt.” She said. You huff, feeling irritation bubble up your stomach but you push it down, but you don’t respond. After you stacked all of Yuju’s textbooks, you looked at her for the next step but she seemed to be distracted.

“You’re staring.” You said, as you stared back.

Yuju blushes, “Sorry. You’re just really pretty.” She whispers the last part, but just like the previous day, you heard it loud and clear. Now usually when someone tells you things like that, you would roll your eyes, but something about Yuju being the one saying it made you smile. Yuju herself smiles upon seeing yours, completely proud of herself for doing the near impossible.

“Any idea how you’re going to pick this up? You don’t exactly have the sufficient amount of hands to do so right now,” You gestured to Yuju’s casted arm and then your own. “And neither do I.”

Yuju shrugged. For a second, it looked like she wanted to say something, but instead, she leaned her back into the wall and sat there quietly. Once again, you look around the hallways and of course, it was still empty. You didn’t want to risk being seen by any teachers because they’d immediately know that you were intending to skip class, but you also didn’t want to leave Yuju all alone.

What? Why the hell do I even care? This is so stupid. I’m going.

“See you never.” You said and stood up, turning around to leave.

“You say that but you know we’ll end up meeting again. One because we’re literally in the same school and two,” Yuju paused. You wanted to hear more, so you turn around, and you find her smiling up at you. “I don’t think I can leave you alone now.”

You cringe, and you laughed albeit barely, “That is so not the romantic punchline you think it is.” You said. Yuju spaces out for a second. She was only staring at you in bewilderment, you didn’t know that she felt like air was knocked out of her. She wanted to hear your laugh again because she couldn’t believe the first time. Did she actually do that? You asked that question yourself too.

Eventually, Yuju snaps out of it. “I… um, maybe not. I’ll do better next time.” She said with a sheepish smile. You find yourself finding this girl’s smile, all kinds of it, rather heartwarming and sometimes… adorable. And it annoyed you so much that you’re feeling this way. You almost forgot about that whole scene in the hallway from earlier and now that you’re thinking about it again, you wondered if Yuju would’ve done what she was thinking if you had encouraged her.

For fun, and not because you wanted the same thing.

Definitely not.

“(Y/N)? Why are you here… with Yuju?” You turned around and saw Eunha with her demonic girlfriend standing there. Eunha was genuinely curious, meanwhile Sojung looked like she was going to do or say something malicious. This morning could literally not get any messier.

“Don’t tell me you’re brainwashing her into being a bad girl. She’s only been here for a day.” Sojung said, dramatically shaking her head and clicking her tongue. Eunha rushes to Yuju, who was still sitting on the ground for some reason, and helps her up. Meanwhile, you stood in your spot, glaring at Sojung who was now keeping an eye on her girlfriend. You don’t know why, but out of all the people you could be scared of, Sojung terrified you the most. Maybe because of the fact that she can quite literally plunge you to the depths of hell if you pushed the wrong button. Nah, I can probably take her on a good day.

Sojung carries the stack of textbooks in her arms while Eunha talks to Yuju, “We can help you with these. Were you going anywhere specific?” She asked. You pulled out your phone and saw that it has been exactly five minutes since classes started, and now that you weren’t in the mood to skip the period, you’ve decided to just drop everything and go to class.

And you didn’t want to be scolded by Eunha and made fun of by Sojung. Especially when Yuju of all people was around.

“No goodbye kiss for your new girlfriend?” Sojung teased as you started walking away. You raise your middle finger without looking back, only earning a loud laugh from Sojung which rang throughout the hallway even when you disappeared into another one. Oh how you couldn’t wait for this day to end.

-

“Hello,” The next day, it was you who was surprised by Yuju’s voice. Lunch time had just ended and you miraculously survived another one of Ms. Kwon’s detention periods. Yerin had already moved on to her next class feeling all giddy because SinB was her classmate, and for some reason, she wished you good luck on your ‘love life’ before skipping away. Weirdo. And now here comes Yuju whose smile just seems to get brighter every single day. “You have history next, right?” The tall girl asked.

You went back on preparing whatever you need for the aforementioned class, “Did I not make myself clear yesterday? I think I made it obvious that I don’t wanna be friends.” You said as you pulled out a textbook that was so unnecessarily thick and heavy. Have I always been this weak? You remember being able to carry all of your textbooks in one arm just fine before, so all of this was weird. I gotta recover quickly. 

“Yes, but I also don’t give up easily.” Yuju replied, her smile not showing any signs of faltering or disappearing any time soon. Her backpack was bulky, you guessed that she was carrying her necessities for her next class and now you wondered which class this was since holy cow her backpack is really big at the moment. I guess she’s not afraid of breaking her back, damn.

Yuju takes your history textbook without another word, ignoring your sharp glare. You think back to what she said the other day, when you were both on the floor after she bumped into you. 

I don’t want you to get hurt.

She was being nice of course, and you managed to not say anything about it since you busied yourself by cleaning up her mess, but that you were reminded of it, you feel the same irritation taking over and this time you didn’t feel like holding back or keeping up the nice act. Well, you haven’t been nice at all, you’d just realized, so now you were going to be even more cruel. No exceptions anymore.

You snatched back the textbook with your only hand, surprising the taller girl, “I’m not made of fucking glass. Leave me alone.” You said. Then you slammed your locker shut and started walking away, suddenly feeling hot after your outburst. You were halfway through the hallway when Yuju jogs up right next to you. You bite your lower lip to prevent from saying anything, you were really not in the mood for anything ridiculous.

Yuju awkwardly adjusts the straps of her backpack, “Why are you so angry all the time?” She asked carefully. You clench your jaw, pondering whether to reply to her question or not. There were other students in the hallways that stared at the two of you, some would whisper to themselves and you just know that it was mostly about you.

You reached the door of your history class and before she allowed you to leave merrily, Yuju asked another question, “How did you even get hurt?”

This time, you decided to answer instead of completely ignoring her, purely out of the desire to finally scare her away, “Because some idiot kept treating me as if I’ll break even with the slightest of touch, so I proved them wrong.” You said, and by the end of your sentence, you had Yuju with her back pressed against the wall. Yuju stares at you for a second, and if she wasn’t so obvious about deeply thinking about your words, you would’ve thought that it completely went over her head.

How is it taking her this long to know that she’ll end up like that idiot I beat if she sticks around? Slow or stupid, I can’t even figure her out.

“Proved them wrong? Eunha told me got hospitalized for nearly a month,” Yuju finally speaks. She gently touches your casted arm with the utmost concern in her eyes. You blinked, looking down at your injury. Now you were the one processing your own words in your head. “You literally have a broken arm. You didn’t prove shit.” The taller girl continues.

Hearing the most innocent looking girl in the school so far swear right in front of you makes this whole situation infuriating and the fact that she was right ticked you off so much, but you managed to hold on to the tiniest bits of your patience to step back and create some distance between the two of you. You had to remind yourself that Yuju was injured too, and that hurting her would be the worst thing you could ever do even though you were so angry you could literally throw someone over the roof.

It only occurred to you that a small crowd had already formed a circle around you and Yuju, excitedly anticipating a heated brawl. You opened your mouth to reply, but no words came out. What can you even say after that? Yuju did have a point and since you not just realized that everybody else might be thinking the same thing, you were more embarrassed than angry.

I’ve been looking like a freak this whole entire time… God, I am the idiot.

“What is going on here?”

Somewhere along the way, Eunha, Sojung and Yewon squeezed through the crowd and found themselves in the middle of the circle along with you and Yuju. Sojung wasted no time and stole the pen from your hand, you didn’t even realize that you had it out. Your eyes were glued to the ground, you wouldn’t be able to bear the disappointment in Eunha’s eyes.

“What the fuck is your deal, (Y/N)?” Sojung asked. You couldn’t find the energy to respond, so you kept staring at your shoes. She doesn’t know anything of what happened here and yet I can’t even tell her that. Coward.

Yuju steps forward and pulls Sojung back, “This is a misunderstanding. It was my fault. I provoked her, Sojung.” She says, attempting to ease the older girl’s anger.

While Eunha and Yuju worry over Sojung, Yewon steps forward and talks to you with her soft voice, the softest you’ve ever heard, “Why don’t you just go to class, (Y/N)? We’ll take care of everything here.” She said, patting your shoulder. You heard her voice tremble a little despite her attempts at trying to be calm. Of course she’d be afraid of me too. You felt tears form in your eyes, surprising Yewon and yourself. You blinked your tears away and pushed through the crowd, glaring at anyone who dared to look at you in your current state.

Before you completely walk away from the scene, you hear Eunha and Sojung bickering, just barely.

“We told you she’s bad news, Yuju. Why are you so obsessed with her?”

“Sojung, that’s not true. (Y/N) is just going through a lot right now.”

“That doesn’t give her the excuse to be a dick to everyone. She needs to grow the hell up and accept that she’s not invincible.”

Grow the hell up.

Grow the hell up.

Even after the end of the day, Sojung’s words never left your head. The more you thought about how you’ve treated Yuju, and pretty much everyone else, the more you realized that maybe your older brother was telling the truth about you being a brat.

You laid silently on your bed that night, wondering just how you can fix the mess you’ve made. The mess that was you and yourself.

[forzalando]

Lessons | George Weasley | Pt. 1

Pairing: George Weasley x F!Reader AU: Royalty!AU Word Count: 2,240 words Warnings: mentions of sibling d*ath, a very rude knight grabbing the reader, mentions of bruising on reader, reader sl*pping aforementioned knight, aggressive language and behavior

A/N: hello friends! here is part one of a two-part George Weasley Royalty!AU! I am so very excited. I apologize in advance for any inconsistencies throughout the story, there isn’t really a specific time period except that I didn’t want it to be modern! thank you to @awfulmoons for being the first person to read this and for her support! part two will be posted tomorrow! :) 

Summary: After the tragic loss of his twin brother, George Weasley finds himself using his talents to secure a job as the new Potions Master and Healer for the Royal Family. Unbeknownst to you, he takes a particular liking to you knowing that you have more in common than you realize.

part two here

***

Your mother playfully glared at you as you giggled, watching one of your father’s knights trip over a bit of wire and slam into the wall outside her study. He was a rather crude man, always touching your arm or lower back when he walked past you in the castle, and seeing his dazed expression and the bruise forming on his cheek brought you far more enjoyment than you’d ever admit.

“Sir Cormac, are you alright?” Ana, your younger sister, asked as she fled to his aid. She never minded his lingering touches and had always envied that you received his “affections” as well, even though you hardly wanted them.

“Yes, yes, quite alright, Your Highness. Just lost my balance is all,” Cormac grumbled as his eyes lingered on the wire. He didn’t want to be seen as foolish enough to be bested by a simple prank, but unfortunately the evidence was far from discreet.

“Come, I’ll take you to the infirmary. I’m sure there’s something we can do about that bruise.”

You watched with disgust as your sister practically carried Sir Cormac down the hall, until the clearing of a throat broke your attention.

“Y/N, did you lay that wire?” your mother asked, the accusatory tone evident in her voice.

“No, Mother, but frankly I wish I had. Do you see the way he’s always caressing my arms?! He’s even dared to touch my back and he does it to Ana as well! Of course, she doesn’t mind, though it truly escapes me why she doesn’t. He’s horrendous.”

Your mother stifled a laugh; even though she was the Queen, you knew your mischievous and independent ways had come from her.

“Next time he tries to touch you, tell him that your Mother will have his hands,” she spoke with a smile. “I have business to attend to in the dining room, please try to stay out of trouble for once.”

She turned on her heel and left you on your own, but you knew her warning was playful. When the sound of her footsteps receded, your mind and feet began to wander. Your thoughts were consumed with all of the small, mostly harmless, pranks that had been occurring around the castle.

Just the other day, your handmaiden and close friend Luna had witnessed one of your tutors walk out of the kitchen sopping wet. She asked around and found out that a bucket of water had fallen on her head that morning seemingly out of thin air.

You wished that you would have felt sympathy for her, but she had scolded you until you cried last week because you couldn’t remember the first name of a Prince that you would never meet.

A little over a month ago you noticed that Lady Priscilla, a dreadful, awful young woman from a noble family in your Father’s Court, was itching constantly at her corset. You recalled receiving an actual stern glare from your mother for laughing at that one.

But, the little things you noticed weren’t always directed at people. Occasionally you’d find furniture askew, flower arrangements and paintings altered, sticky substances on the railings (you had gotten caught up in that a time or two). You recalled finding every piece of furniture in the Great Dining Hall practically glued to the floor once and thought your parents were going to have coronaries, but to your surprise, they laughed alongside you.

Your father had suspected you at first, of course, but when the pranks continued while you were away last month visiting your best childhood friend, Lady Hermione Granger, it was obvious you were not the culprit. No one could recall when the odd occurrences started happening, so it just became a way of life around the castle. Not that anyone minded, you’d even seen your grumpy sister crack a smile or two at the jests.

Sometimes you wished you knew who it was, that you could dismantle the mystery, partly because you wanted them to include you in their havoc. However, a far greater reason, was that over the past few months, you had found yourself smiling and laughing again after the untimely death of your elder sister, Clara, during the Great War. Whoever this mystery prankster was, you owed them a thank you about a million times over.

Fearing that you’d smack straight into a wall while your mind was reeling over the castle’s secret joker, you shook the thoughts from your head and found yourself walking towards the gardens.

As you began opening the door to the greenhouse, it suddenly flung open to reveal a rather tall and beautiful man with hair the color of a roaring fire.

“Pardon me, Princess,” he apologized immediately. “I was all too focused on not dropping these herbs and didn’t realize the door was opening.”

You realized then that you had stumbled into Mr. George Weasley, the Potions Master and Healer that your Father had employed months ago. He was supposedly brilliant; had a way with creating concoctions that even the brightest minds had never thought of. When your Mother fell ill earlier this year, George had her right as rain within days.

You also recalled from palace gossip that he used to run a business with his twin brother a few years ago, but his brother had died in the Great War and George refused to carry on the business without him.

“It’s quite alright, Mr. Weasley. Do you need some help carrying your things?”

“I-I-You know my name?” He stuttered quietly.  

“Of course I do,” you chuckled. “My Father speaks very highly of you, especially after the way you took such great care of my Mother. Thank you for that, by the way. I tried to find you to thank you in person before, but it seems we always miss each other.”

“Yes, it seems we do, and please, call me George,” he trailed off lightly, a twinkle in his deep, brown eyes.

A comfortable silence fell between the two of you; you could have been gazing into each other’s eyes for hours, you couldn’t be sure, but the trance was broken when the hoard of plants fell from his arms.

“Here, please let me help,” you said as you bent down to the ground, gathering the discarded herbs.

“If your Mother or Father catches you helping the insignificant Potions Master – ”

“They would be thrilled that they had raised a kind and helpful daughter. Isn’t that what you were going to say?”

George smiled down at you, a blinding smile that reached his eyes and made the corners crinkle.

“Yes, that’s exactly what I was going to say.”

The two of you headed off towards the East Wing of the castle where his living and work chambers were located. Once you had helped him sort out the herbs and tidy up any fallen leaves or stems, you sat down and sighed, admiring his workspace.

“I’ve always been fascinated by potion making and medicine,” you said quietly. “I wish it were part of my studies. I learned a little bit during the War to help with the wounded but nothing more in the past few years. Now that I’m older, my lessons, if you can even call them that, only consist of recalling Monarchial history and information about other kingdoms.”

You noticed George stiffen at the mention of the Great War, his cheerful demeanor suddenly disappearing from sight, but as quickly as it was gone it was back again.

“The War is what got me into all this in the first place. I figured I’d use my talents to help people if I could, and it turns out I’m pretty good at it.”

He managed a weak smile, and the sight of it broke your heart.

“I’m sorry about your brother, George. I-I heard about him in passing, some Noblewomen were discussing your tragedy like it was front page news since they never have anything better to do. I suppose I’m no better for listening, even if it wasn’t entirely on purpose, but I’m still so sorry.”

“I appreciate that, Princess. I will always miss him but in the past year I feel like I’ve finally started moving forward with my life instead of standing still.”

You fiddled with the hem of your sleeve, embarrassed that you had brought up such a sensitive topic upon your first time meeting George, but you couldn’t help it. You wanted him to know you were sorry, and that you understood his pain.

“I’m sorry too,” he murmured. “You lost someone as well, didn’t you?”

“My sister, Clara. She was always rebellious, even worse than me, and she was in love with a man from the village just outside the palace grounds. His name was Thomas and they were just perfect for each other. When my Father got word that Riddle’s Army was headed towards the castle, she snuck away through one of the secret passages to the village to save him, but Riddle’s Army was already there and she died with him when they destroyed the village.”

George couldn’t say anything, the tragic story rendering him speechless. Your sister’s bravery and your obvious heartache, he didn’t know what to say, but you began speaking again.

“We probably have a lot more in common than you think, Mr. Weasley,” you teased, although he didn’t miss the glimmer of tears in your eyes.

“I’d love to find out what more, Princess, and I told you to call me George.”

“I’ll call you George only if you promise to call me Y/N.”

“Your Father would have my – ”

“He would have your utmost support because I asked you to call me by my name and it’s never polite to refuse to request of a Royal, right, George?”

“Absolutely, Princ…I mean, Y/N,” George said with a smile.

You decided instantly that your name had never sounded better.

Once again, a comfortable silence fell between you two as you rose from your seat and traced your fingertips along his equipment. Cauldrons, beakers, books with the directions to make the most difficult of healing draughts, when suddenly you had an idea.

“George,” you began, turning to face him, “what would you say to a little extra work?”

“Well, that depends. Is it difficult?”

“Well, that depends. Do you find me difficult to spend time with?”

“Not in the slightest,” he answered immediately with a smile.

“In that case, how would you like to teach me your ways? I want to learn all that there is to know about potion making, herbs, plants, medicines. And who better to teach me than you?”

“If…I mean if the King and Queen do not mind, I have no objections,” George spoke, failing to stop the hopeful grin that appeared on his face.

“I’m sure they won’t but I will speak to them this evening. Shall I come find you tomorrow? Will you be here?”

“In the morning, yes. Let’s meet here at, say, nine o’clock?”

“That sounds perfect,” you said eagerly. “I’d better get back, I’m sure someone’s wondering where I’ve been, but I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow!”

With a quick wave goodbye, you swiftly made your way out of George’s workshop before he could tell that you were practically trembling with excitement.

Unbeknownst to you, George had to steady himself against a table so he wouldn’t faint at the prospect of seeing you not only again, but so soon.

Your hurried steps had brought you back to your Mother’s study and you were delighted to see she had returned from her earlier meeting.

“Mother, what would you say if I began taking lessons from Mr. Weasley?”

“Well,” your Mother began as she closed her book, “I’d be curious to know how this proposition came about.”

“I bumped into him in the gardens earlier. He’s brilliant, Mother, and you know how interested I am in his specialties.”

“Are you interested in his specialties or him?” She asked with a sly smile.

“I…I suppose maybe both?”

Your Mother stared at you for what seemed like ages, taking in the sparkle in your eyes and the giddy smile on your face that had been absent since the passing of your closest sister.

“As long as you’re able to attend to your duties and join Father in court meetings, I don’t see why not. You need something substantial to fill your time anyway, I swear you’re either always in the garden or sneaking tarts from the kitchen.”

“Thank you, Mother,” you exhaled, not even realizing you had been holding your breath awaiting her response.

“Go find your brothers, supper should be ready soon. I’ll speak to your Father about these lessons and let you know what he decides.”

You nodded your head and went off in search of your younger siblings wondering what color dress you would wear tomorrow.

Elsewhere in the castle, George Weasley was in front of a mirror fiddling with his hair and already planning what he would say to you when he saw you in the morning.

Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed another trip wire safely tucked away near the Knight’s living quarters.

For once, you didn’t stick around to wait for the inevitable chaos because the quicker you found your brothers and ushered them to supper, the quicker your day would end, and the quicker you would again be able to see Mr. George Weasley.

***

taglist: @thoseofgreatambition @theboywhocriedlupin @theseuscmander @fortisfiliae @carolinesbookworld @starssayhello @finnofamerica @swellwriting @themarauderstheoutsidersandpeggy @marauderskeeper @wildfire-whizbangs @woakiees also tagging some mutuals who maybe might want to read! if you do not, PLEASE let me know and I apologize profusely!: @ickle-ronniekins @hollands-weasley @weasleytwinswheezes @theweasleysredhair @sleep-i-ness 

[sugaxela]

AN ACCIDENTAL FIC REC LIST

So.. I’m a lurker who reads a lot of fics and I get annoyed when I can’t relocate my fave ones. I started making this list of my faves mostly for myself but then figured I’d share it...

I’m Yoongi biased and gravitate towards angst fics so it’s mostly that but there’s fics for every member tossed in here. Some of these are pretty popular so you might have seen a few. 

Also, I realized I need to read more Jin, Jimin, and Hoseok fics so if you have recommendations let me know!

Once again it’s a LOT of angst so I would just like to say... CRYING IS GOOD FOR U.

***

KSJ

Start Anew - @gukyi

Seokjin x Reader. Angst. Summary: it’s been five years since you left your hometown, vowing never to return, but a simple invitation to a christmas party and a yearning to know whether or not you’re truly over the heartbreak you left behind has you wondering if, maybe, the christmas spirit and promise of a new beginning can change your mind.

No Limit - @sailorbellewrites

Seokjin x Reader. Fluff. Summary: you and jungkook don’t even look alike. how was seokjin supposed to know you were off limits?

Lovely Little Mess - @guksheart

Seokjin x Reader. Fluff, smut. Summary: telling seokjin of your pregnancy should not be so daunting, but you hide it  as long as you can—at least until you are sitting with him in a bathtub and the secret comes spilling out. 

No Parking - @jungshookz

Seokjin x Reader. Fluff. Summary: “to the asswipe who owns this mini cooper - do you know how to read signs? this is a no-parking zone. no. parking. zone. that means you are not allowed to park in this zone. DO NOT park here.” (also I made up the title bc it doesn’t have one)

MYG

Seasons Change - @taetaesbaebaepsae

Yoongi x Reader. Angst. Summary: Min Yoongi and you, through the seasons, break up and come back together. Nobody said love was easy.

I’ll Float Away - @ppersonna

Yoongi x Reader. Angst. Summary: years after the breakup, yoongi, a successful award-winning rapper with an unhealthy addiction, finds your wedding invite on Facebook.

Memory Lane - @hayjeon

Yoongi x Reader. Fluff. Summary: grumpy husband yoongi au aka lots of fluff (mentions of sex)

Do It Again - @kimnjss

Yoongi x Reader. Angst. Summary: months after deciding to end their three year long relationship, a sex tape hits the internet. fans go wild speculating that rap star, min yoongi and aspiring model, yn are the stars. old feelings arise as the couple try to figure out a way out of this.

Cuddles and Kittycats - @dinoyoongi

Yoongi x Reader. Fluff, angst. Summary: After a night of drinking, you go to Yoongi’s dorm for some quality cuddles. Unfortunately, you’ve forgotten that you are currently giving him the silent treatment.

Overstayed Welcome - @kkaep-jjjang

Yoongi x Reader - Fluff, smut. Summary: Y/N decides to get over her crush by getting under someone else. Sounds fool proof right? Wrong.

Ghosted - @bloomsuga

Yoongi x Reader. SM AU. Summary: your new roommate is everything you could ask for: quiet, never makes messes, a killer dry sense of humor... and oh yeah—he’s dead.

Wildest Moments - @joonbird

Yoongi x Reader. Angst. Summary: “Min Yoongi is forbidden territory. And although you both know better, the two of you just can’t seem to stay apart.”

Romance is Dead - @dinoyoongi

Yoongi x Reader. Angst, fluff. Summary: You try to surprise Yoongi with a night full of romance but he manages to ruin all of your plans.

Fools Rush In - @sailorbellewrites

Yoongi x Reader. Drabble series. Summary: min yoongi, music executive and perpetual bachelor, marries a las vegas stripper he’s only known for six months. chaos ensues.

Pretend - @gimmesumsuga

Yoongi x Reader. Angst. Summary: “You know what they say: the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, right?” 

Aquiver - @floralseokjin

Yoongi x Reader. Idol AU. Summary: Yoongi can’t remember the last time he was able to successfully bring himself to the point of orgasm, then Namjoon gives him a business card advertising ‘Healing Hands’, and that’s where he meets you; pretty and innocent looking, who gets paid to provide hand jobs for a living…

Hidden Stars - @jungblue

Yoongi x Reader, Jungkook x Reader. Angst. Summary: It started out simple, but when your feelings start to grow for the idol who isn’t allowed to date, things get complicated.

Talk To Me - @btsrpp

Yoongi x Reader. Fluff, angstyish. No summary. But it involves a silent treatment.

No Title - @jungxk

Yoongi x Widow!Reader. Angst. No summary.

JHS

Hobi’s Girl - @v-hope

Hoseok x Reader. SM Au. Summary: after attending a bts concert and very clearly catching one of the members’ attention, you can’t help but get flooded with hate comments once people find your twitter account. who would’ve thought that would be the reason jung hoseok would find his concert girl, too.

Bloom - @jungxk

Hoseok x Reader. Smut. Summary: you’ve always had a crush on hobi and he’s always handled that gently. what he can’t handle is you now, nine years later. 

Blue Side - @minyoongone

Hoseok x Reader. SM AU. Summary: when you get a text from a heartbroken boy who you mistake for your ex

KNJ

Confirm or Deny - @dinoyoongi

Namjoon x Reader. Angst. Summary: You’re a member of the rising group FRNZEE. You’ve been dating Namjoon for years when Dispatch releases an article exposing your relationship. Your company confirms the relationship. Big Hit denies it.

You’ve Got That - @mikrksmos

Namjoon x Reader. Angst. Summary: After making a life-changing decision for your career, you’re unsure of how exactly to bring it up to your boyfriend after your relationship and communication has not really been in sync. Namjoon is ready to take this relationship to the next stage, and he is sure that what he needs to ask you will be the solution to all the problems you have been having. Both know this next move is the right idea, but are unaware of how parallel those ideas really are.

Duck and Cover - @versigny

Namjoon x Reader. Fluff. Summary: There were two things you never dreamed would become your biggest worries with your new job: Kim Namjoon, and that god damn camera.

Inked - @1997jk

Namjoon x Reader. heavy angst, slow burn, soulmate au. (no summary).

Try Me - @jjkfire

Namjoon x Reader. Fluff. Summary: You wanted nothing more than to leave behind your old self when you graduated from high school and moved on to college to play rugby but when you see your high school classmate, resident fuckboy and captain, Kim Namjoon, at the rugby department orientation, you feel like everything might fall apart.

Stitches - @glassbangtan

Namjoon x Reader. Angst. Summary: People always said getting married at a young age was a mistake - could they have been right?

All In - @kookiesjoonies

Namjoon x Reader. SM AU. Summary: you aren’t usually one to give out your number to strangers (let alone customers), but after you start talking to Namjoon and getting to know him, you decide that there’s no way you’re going to let him leave without it. however, he fails to mention that he’s one of the most popular rappers in South Korea. and it just so happens that one of your best friends ends up with an extra ticket to one of his shows. 

PJM

Come Home to Me Darling - @roses-ruby

Jimin x Reader. Angst. Summary: Jimin cheats and you try to make him stay. But whatever you do, it’s never enough.

Attention and Care - @your-daily-biaswrecking

Jimin x Reader. Fluff, angstish. Summary: Jimin must be the only person in the world who complains about his girlfriend not complaining... When Amy doesn't pester him to come home early (like the rest of the members) he starts thinking she might not care for him as much.

Daisies - @silverlightqueen

Jimin x Reader. SM AU. Summary: You’ve had a long-running feud with fellow idol Park Jimin, saving all the anger and bitterness for the yearly award shows and shooting each other a few dirty looks, not bowing when you walk past each other, or just generally throwing shade. After one particularly obvious encounter between the two of you, the fans start to notice, just in time for The Rose Tour!

Doubt - @heartkook

Jimin x Reader. Fluff, angst. Summary: Jimin gets jealous of your relationship with Jungkook, and needs reassuring that he’s the only one you love.

KTH

Of Lace and Lust - @hobidreams

Taehyung x Reader. Smut. Summary: friendship rule number one: don’t imagine how amazing your best friend’s cock would feel inside you. except that’s all you can think about after accidentally discovering taehyung’s kink for panties. specifically, the lacy ones you’re so fond of wearing. 

Queen Cobra - @fantasybangtan

Taehyung x Reader. Gang AU. Summary: when your boss offers the chance to take down the nation’s most lucrative gang from the inside out, you know you’ll do it no matter what the cost… even if that means entering an arranged marriage with the kingpin himself.

See You - @gimmesumsuga

Taehyung x Reader. Smut. Summary: The one where Taehyung notices you at a concert, and can't help but want to see you again.

Who Cares? - @floralseokjin

Taehyung x OC. Angst. Summary: what happens when Taehyung falls for someone who’s already taken? Can he control his feelings or will they take over and render him powerless? In the end is it all her fault or his…?

Color of Your Shirt - @firebettercallnct

Taehyung x Reader. SM AU. Summary: when you're close to your soulmate your shirt changes to their favorite color. yn hates taehyung's favorite color.

JJK

Comfort Inn Ending - @joonbird

Jungkook x Reader. Angst. Summary: “It was you who Jungkook gave his heart to- that is, until the day you broke it. And it is you now, hoping that some faultlines can be repaired, and that some broken hearts can be put back together again.”

After I Left You - @latetaektalk

Jungkook x Reader. Angst. Summary: “when you decided to meet up with taehyung for dinner to reconnect, you didn’t expect to see jungkook, your ex, on a date with his current girlfriend and not to mention, end up fake dating taehyung.”

Rattled - @gukslut

Jungkook x Reader. Genre: Single dad AU, Angst, Healing, E2L, F2L, Smut. (no summary)

Risk It - @kookiesjoonies

Jungkook x Reader. Sm Au. Summary: a drunken text ends with you wrapped up in the arms of your ex-boyfriend. aka the man that you dumped two years prior, after he refused to marry you. suddenly, all of the feelings that you’d seemingly had buried come rushing back up to the surface, and you’re not sure how long you can ignore them.

Damn the Delivery Boy - @deerguk

Jungkook x Reader. Fluff. Summary: Jeon Jeongguk is a computer science major working as a pizza delivery boy, and you are an uninspired published author who has just started an art degree. When you realise that the delivery boy is your old high school crush, he keeps coming back, but with more to offer than just puff pastry and vegetarian supreme. Though little did he know that he would end up giving you something much more that flips both of your worlds completely upside down in the form of two blue lines and nine months.

One Thing Right - @hobios

Jungkook x Reader. Angst, fluff. Summary: desperate to get your ailing mother into the best care possible, you ask your childhood friend turned enemy to marry you for his health insurance benefits. the only problem is it’s illegal. and he’s the sheriff. and you swore to hate him since the day he broke your best friend’s heart.

Hidden Stars - @jungblue

Jungkook x Reader, Yoongi x Reader. Angst. Summary: It started out simple, but when your feelings start to grow for the idol who isn’t allowed to date, things get complicated. 

Tamped - @chimoona

Jungkook x Reader. Smut, fluff. Summary: You and your business partner/best friend Jin have struggled to find good help to run your coffee shop. Employee after employee, it just never worked out. However, Jungkook is determined to impress and deliver. He wants this more than ever, and it always feels good to want something. To need, well, that’s even better.

Strawberry Kisses - @kimnjss

Jungkook x Reader. SM AU. Summary: an online dating app pairs him with the perfect girl. the two quickly start falling for each other and when things are getting good, he finds out she’s his best friend’s little sister.

Crush - @jungxk

Jungkook x Reader. Fluff, light angst. No summary, amnesiac jk.

Look Alive - @jamaisjoons

Jungkook x Reader. Angst. Summary: a year after you and jungkook break up, the two of you meet at your brother’s party.

***

I got a lot of these from some fic rec master lists.

Here’s a namjoon angst master list by @bts-ficrecs

Also this bts fic rec list by @platinumjeon

An infidelity list by @hellreads

Fic-Recs by @joonapeach

Top fics compilation by @xjoonchildx

There’s more but I’ll add those when I find them, and I’ll either update this list or make a new one when I have enough new fics.

[mari-beau]

GIVE ME A REASON: PART THREE - A Rogue One Fanfic

This part/scene went in a little bit different direction than I had thought it was going to go, but I regret nothing!

Read Part One

Read Part Two

Title: Give Me A Reason: Part Three

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Characters: Jyn Erso POV, Cassian Andor

Pairing: Cassian/Jyn (mostly pre-ship?)

Spoilers: Rogue One; Episode IV A New Hope

Setting: Post-Rogue One AU (Cassian & Jyn live); Also during/post A New Hope

Warnings: Looking, Ogling, Leering, Letching, Yearning… Okay, Lusting. (Only Jyn doesn’t realize she's there yet...) Let me know if this needs a 'nsfw' tag... I'm not sure. There's nothing explicit.

Words: 1217

Story Summary: Jyn’s entire universe has been turned on its head, so maybe she’s clinging a little too hard to the one thing she feels certain of (strangely enough) as she tries to figure out her place in the galaxy. And maybe she’s being a little overprotective of a wounded captain.

3 hours until the ceremony…

Jyn was loathe to do it, but there really was no other alternative. She could at least try to be gentle, even though being gentle honestly never had been in her nature. Before.

She’d also been fiercely independent. Before.

With a sigh, she sat down on the edge of the bed, indulged in a moment to study the unconscious man, who deserved the few hours of peace he’d had over the past week, after the decades of suffering she often found reflected in his eyes, in his voice, the tense way he held his body.

His body…

She’d be a liar if she tried to claim that she didn’t find his body appealing, and not just because it felt so good when she pressed her own against the warm, sinewy flesh of his, feeling his heart beating in his chest and the rhythm of his breathing. With Cassian, she felt safe and content in a way she hadn’t since childhood, which was ridiculous with the state he was in. If anyone would be protecting anyone, it would be her protecting him.

And gladly.

It was a possessiveness she had never experienced before, having precisely one item she valued, her mother’s kyber crystal necklace, and no one significant to her.

And maybe it was that unbidden possessive feeling twisting her up inside which rendered Cassian Andor the most beautiful being Jyn had ever encountered. She could just look at him for hours, study the contours of lean, wiry muscle on his slender frame, his tan skin with its abundance of scars that rivaled her own collection, the smattering of dark downy hair across his chest and trailing down from his navel to beneath the waistband of his shorts.

The angles of his face intrigued her to no end. And the broody downturned curve of his mouth, which if she just brushed her fingers across the sharp plane of his cheek…

Cassian’s mouth softened and his cheek rounded as his lips curved into a contented smile, which pulled a smile from Jyn’s lips as well.

He. Was. Pretty.

And part of her ferociously insisted that he was hers.

Whether she could keep him beyond this moment, these past few days of easy, quiet intimacy more or less apart from the rest of the universe, remained to be seen.

But reality could not be avoided any longer. She brushed the unruly hair that had fallen across his forehead out of his eyes.

He murmured her name in his sleep and heat blossomed in her chest. Jyn tamped it down the best she could. She was letting herself get carried away by this… whatever it was… Infatuation?

She’d never been infatuated with anyone or anything in her life. She was not a romantic person, but was she romanticising the rebel captain?

He was stubborn and single-minded with his goals. At first, she thought he could only follow orders, thought him cold and hard. But she’d learned he was soft and warm and wounded inside. And wounded outside now. And that damned blind loyalty she’d hated when they’d first met -what, 9 or 10 days ago- it was what made him hers. Well, maybe it made him hers. She’d never had anyone’s loyalty before. No one had ever come back for her until him. No one had ever stuck by her. To the end. He'd been with her through what should've been the end. But somehow hadn't been. And now… She would stick around for him.

Jyn took a deep breath and placed her hand on his shoulder. His skin was warm and inviting but she resisted skimming her palm down his arm, resisted exploring the shape of triceps and biceps with her fingers. Instead, she gave him a shake.

“Cassian. It’s time to wake up.”

He whimpered, a low throaty sound that was so filled with gravel, it was practically a growl. It did things to her she didn’t have the capacity to consider. And when he said her name, all sleepy, thickly accented and heavy on his tongue, she had to dig her fingers into her palm to prevent herself from grabbing him and doing things to him.

He pushed himself into a sitting position, the effort making his muscles twitch shift beneath his skin, making him wince, but then he was running a hand over his face and the back of his head, ruffling the messy overgrown hair. His dark eyes settled on her face, as clear and alert as ever. He was no longer on meds for pain and Jyn was happy to find all the clever sharpness had returned to those deep brown eyes of his.

“How long?” He asked the same question every time he woke, something a soldier, a survivor asked, always wary about what might have happened when they were asleep, as if they had no right to a moment’s peace.

“Thirteen hours.”

Cassian swore softly in his native language before addressing her in Basic.

“You promised me you wouldn’t let me sleep more than ten hours.”

She shrugged, but wouldn’t meet his eyes, not worried he was upset with her, but afraid that he could see straight through to her possessive thoughts about him.

“You need it.”

“I need to move around or I’ll get all stiff.”

Jyn bit her lip. No. She wasn’t going to-

Her eyes convulsively dropped to his lap and thenshot back up to his face, and just as quickly darted away.

He was stiff.

And not just his back and leg as he'd actually meant. But his partially aroused maleness wasn't intentional, she knew. And the times when she'd woken up tangled in him with the feeling of him half hard pressing against some part of her, despite the interest her own body returned, she knew it wasn't a conscious choice of his. He was asleep and his body was just doing its natural thing. It wasn't as if he actually wanted…

Cassian swung his legs over the edge of the bed, sitting so close, her body practically hummed in response, began gravitating toward him. Why? Why did she need him, so deeply she could feel it in the marrow of her bones? Sometimes she felt as if they had actually been hit by that energy weapon, while they were embracing on the beach waiting for death, and were fused together on the subatomic level.

And then felt like maybe she’d suffered a brain injury they hadn’t detected, which scrambled her survivor’s practicality into delusions of romantic grandeur.

Get your head on straight, Jyn Erso.

Cassian got to his feet. It was a bit of a production, difficult to watch and also heartening, but Jyn made no move to help him. Oh, she would assist him. And she had done so. But not when he could manage on his own, not when he needed to know he could.

“I’m going to wash up,” he said. “Then maybe we can go to the mess.”

Jyn raised an eyebrow. Did he really feel like he could walk that far? She hoped he was feeling that strong, because,

“You’re going to need to shower. Command wants us to go to this Award Ceremony thing.”

“What?!” Cassian’s look was pure confusion, as if she’d let him sleep for thirteen years and he’d woken up to a completely unfamiliar galaxy.

She sympathized. It made no sense to her either. And she’d much rather just curl back up in bed with him. Just Cassian and her, together.

Nothing had ever felt more right. But since when had the galaxy ever given Jyn what she wanted?

[anarchy-and-piglins]

What is rainwater!AU?

I’m really glad you asked, Anon!

Rainwater is a collaborative effort between @kitsoot and me. It’s a minecraft-based (ie it’s still within the minecraft world) post-apocalyptic au centered around Fundy and Technoblade (with the rest of the SBI + Tubbo in the additional main roles, and guest appearances by others)

The gist of it is that many years ago, the rainwater suddenly started becoming acidic. And we don’t mean harmless base levels, we mean corrosive ‘melt the skin off your bones’ acid. Unsurprisingly, this lead to a lot of... not good things happening. The environment was screwed for a while too but thankfully it has since become more stable. This means mobs adapted too, mutated in horrible ways. And these beasts are almost just as dangerous as the sudden acidic rain bursts that plague this world.

SBI + Tubbo are a found family dynamic (no blood relations with the exception of Wilbur who is Phil’s son). They live in a special base protected by metal constructions to keep the rain and beasts out. Phil used to be a wanderer, but an unfortunate accident left his wings permanently damaged so he has settled down. Techno is the only one who wanders out for errands - mostly because he goes stir crazy if he can’t. Thought it hasn’t been without risk, the left side of his face has suffered acidic burns severe enough to render that eye blind.

Then he meets Fundy, completely feral boy who has been alone for years and surviving in the wild. Which has left him with his own types of scars - physical and mental. The two end up traveling together, striking up a strange friendship and well- You’d have to read the fic we’re working on to know the rest.

All I can promise is that there’s angst, more found family fluff than you probably could imagine from this setting, trauma by the buckets and also whump... so much whump

[stormgardenscurse]

Pearls and Apples - Part 1

A/N: A belated birthday fic for the one and only Epel Felmier!

This mermaid AU is also a collab with @dumplings0ups !

The ocean was mostly a dark place; sunlight only breached through shallow waters, leaving its glow to gradient into murkiness by the time one reached the seabed. By then, any foreign lifeform unacquainted to it was sure to lose their way, ensuring that humans would never hope to reach the underwater city tucked in its depth; lit aglow with magic and architecture.

When he’d finally deemed you trustworthy enough to divulge this, you’d mentioned that a thing like that sounded like a scene out of a fairytale - something that never crossed his mind as such until put into perspective by a human.

‘I guess… It’s kind of cool, huh?’

‘It is!’ You’d agreed, and perhaps it was around then that Epel continued sharing bits of his world with you. He wasn’t sure when he’d fallen into the habit of trying to make you smile like that, but by the time he realized it was a little too late.

Well… Maybe it’s not too bad of a thing anyways. Sure, it was dangerous to be friends with a human and risk being caught by your kind - but interacting with you was something that he enjoyed, for better or worse. Despite your contrasting backgrounds, there was a similar wonder that you shared when it came to learning about one another’s worlds. The way you lit up as you learned more about his life, which was so different from yours… It was the same wonder he felt, when you’d first met.

Initially, Epel ventured to shallow waters as the result of a swole of anger - he barely recalls what bothered him enough for such a thing that day, but he’d swam past the outskirts of the city where he lived and into quieter waters to cool down. Except-- in his occupied state he hadn’t realized just how far he’d gotten, in his want to escape to somewhere that was easier to breathe and think.

Perhaps it was for those reasons that he subconsciously carried himself upwards, feeling the coolness of the current that grazed him like a passing breeze. He liked fighting against it at times, but on that day it was as if it led him along to the shore, with the echoes of a friend that understood he needed a distraction.

That was when he belatedly notices that the water felt warmer, and the shadows around him turned to a soft blue that was different from what he might see back at the city. It was a raw display of sunlight sifting through the shallows, something that he’s only seen a few times on special occasions with others.

Though Epel was alone here now, without a single purpose in mind. He was close enough to touch the surface - and driven by the thought he might be able to see clearer with his head above water, Epel stilled his resolve and propelled himself towards the open world.

His first thought, as he gasped in surprise, was that it truly did feel different… The shock of a different atmosphere woke him up a bit, though he didn’t feel as if he was in danger. He craned his head up to look at the sky, a canvas of endless clouds and blues.

It was like another ocean of its own, one that was bright and weightless, and so very out of reach.

-

Among the next times Epel found himself around the shallows, he’d followed the sight of birds that were returning to nest further inland; a part of the duchy that you served in as a knight.

Of course, even if he was reckless, he wasn't a total idiot. Epel caught the sound of metal on metal and hid beneath the water as he tried to find its source, which was your squadron on the training grounds. The seaside area was a place of open land, which meant that Epel didn't need much of an elevation point to watch as the humans sparred and ran drills in an impressive tempo. He started to visit every few weeks, finding a similar sight every time - though the groups that trained would change, some with more precision and strength than the others.

During his observations he was able to infer which items were weapons or tools, and which animals humans considered domesticated - it isn't as if Epel was overtly curious about land-life, but there was something about it that kept him intrigued enough to return.

(A little part of himself however is well aware he'd initially been netted by the scene of swordplay. It looked impressive, with fluid movements and strength behind every blow - though he expected that if submerged in water, even the most trained officer may find themselves at a loss with how to swing their sword. It was proven on a tale long ago, where a ship had sunken by the hands of a storm in the middle of the ocean...)

Stories aside, Epel should've known his encounter-less visits wouldn't last that way. With a populated area there was sure to be people that visited the beach every now and again. The first time he sees you, it'd been during your break where you'd found yourself drawn to the refreshing promise of the waves. You were to return to running drills again soon, but a quick moment with the breeze on your face wouldn't be too bad, right?

Epel slipped back into the water before you could notice him, but hesitated from turning away to swim home upon catching the sight of you; attire like the others that used the sword, weapon tucked out of sight, and a curious fruit in your hands that was as red as the richest coral.

It stayed like that for a while, with you sat on the sand and taking a breather as he hid. It'd probably been the longest ten minutes of his life, and even as you left, Epel counted another five before he dared to poke his head above the surface. Though by that time, any trace of you imprinted on the sand had been long washed off by the current.

-

The first time you noticed Epel, you’d thought he was a human boy - one that was too far out from land to be safe. And so, diligently even while you were off-duty, you’d discarded your heavier equipment to wade your way towards him.

...Unfortunately for him, he was too stupefied to come up with the easiest solution, which was to swim away like his life depended on it. Yet if he did, you may simply search for him further, as you weren’t one to give up on what you believed to be a duty; something he was able to gather from the times he’s seen you training and patrolling with more effort than the usual knight.

And that would mean that he could never show up here again, at the risk of being recognized and exposing himself more than he has. What if you’d described him to the authorities and told them to be on alert for a ‘missing boy’? Sure, it really shouldn’t be an issue for him to not be here anyways, but that wasn’t something that his panicked thoughts processed.

The idea of erasing your memory did cross his mind, but Epel then realised he didn’t know how to cast it well enough without you realizing something was up. Only his seniors might do so swiftly before diving into the water once more - for Epel, it may require a few moments of contact.

...A few moments he’d have to manage, somehow.

From his spot behind a stack, Epel calmed himself as much as he could before letting his form sink further into the water, hiding his tail and scales as much he could.

“Hey, are you alright?” Even in his muddled state he could tell you were fast on your feet. “It’s dangerous to be out this far, the current could sweep you in if you’re not careful.”

“I’m fine.” He manages to reply. “Thank you for worrying, but I’ll head home by myself later.”

You’d frowned, still concerned. “Maybe we should be back to shore together now. The wind is picking up... Whoa-!”

“What-” Epel snapped to attention, realizing that the water was pulling harder. “Ah, please be careful!”

“You’re telling me?!” Since when were the currents so aggressive?! Was it about to storm? “We need to head back, now!”

You were pulling Epel by the wrist, to which he’d flinched away by reflex but was still towed along by your grip. Figures the person that finds him was a knight… This level of righteousness was really screwing him over right now, coolness be damned!

“Let go!” He protested, yet before you could offer a response a strong wave swung the both of you off-balance, dragging you to and back - before he knew it, you were the one that was in need of rescuing. Epel steadies himself with a swish of his tail to cancel out the water’s, but you were nowhere to be seen.

Cursing, he submerged himself in an effort to spot you. Epel’s done a lot of things he likely shouldn’t have, but he couldn’t just let you drown. That might solve his problem of erasing your memories, but it wasn’t something he wanted to resort to.

As he secured a grip on your arm and dragged you back to the beach, Epel wasn’t sure what to do next - you were coughing and trying to steady your breathing, yet was able to roll onto your side to catch your breath once the sand cushioned you from beneath.

“Are ya alright?”

“You… You’re better at swimming than I thought.” You managed a wry smile. Some knight I am, getting rescued by a civilian.

Epel doesn’t have much to say to that, only a nervous chuckle. “I get that a lot... I guess.” He did, but not in this context exactly.

From the chaos, you were too focused on calming down to notice the elephant in the room. Or rather, the tail that grew from Epel’s hips and glistened with a lilac hue, clearly something out of a fairytale than the reality you knew.

He freezes when your eyes draw themselves to the sight, and it’s your turn to be rendered motionless.

“Is… Is that--”

Splash. He’s gone, with you left alone to process what happened for the rest of the day.

[honeypiehotchner]

i knew you (Bucky Barnes soulmate au) -- part five

This part is allll action but that’s what you need to pay attention to (that sounds so vague and cringe-worthy,,, anyway). Enjoy! xx.

Warnings: a lot of h*ckin’ words lmao, but other than that just the same violence in the movie, angst (of course)

Bucharest, Romania.

You recognize some of the city from your dreams. You didn’t think it was possible to dream about what your soulmate is currently seeing because if that was the case, you can’t imagine what you would’ve seen through The Winter Soldier’s eyes. But when you recall a third building from your dream, you think it’s less of a coincidence than you originally thought.

The plan is simple. You and Steve are to go into Bucky’s apartment, wait for him (or find him already) there. Sam is standing guard outside, but he’s already said he doesn’t think he’ll be able to do much. It’s one man against whatever forces get called in. It’s not looking to be in Sam’s (or your and Steve’s) favor.

Unfortunately, you think he’s right.

The end goal is to bring Bucky in alive. You desperately want to run away with him and disappear to some place where no one has orders to shoot him on sight, but you know that isn’t possible. Despite your confidence in Vienna not being Bucky’s fault, Steve still wants to do the right thing and bring him in. Even if he might be considered a criminal doing it.

Stepping inside Bucky’s apartment nearly suffocates you.

You’ve had dreams about this place. Multiple times. 

You spin slowly in a circle, taking it all in. When you saw it in your dreams, it wasn’t this vivid. The bed wasn’t a small twin because you both fit on it. And newspapers weren’t taped to the windows. Because in your dreams, those aren’t needed. No one is watching the two of you there.

That’s how you want things to be. 

Through the radio -- that Sam bitched about connecting you to -- you ask Sam if he’s got anything.

“Not yet,” he replies. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” you shrug, then you freeze. Your back is to the doorway, but you feel Bucky when he enters the room. You don’t hear his footsteps and you imagine he wanted it that way, but you feel his soul just the same. There is no hiding one’s soul from its counterpart.

You turn around slowly, keeping your movements controlled. You don’t know who you’re about to meet. You know it’s Bucky, but…

“Heads up,” Sam comes through. “German Special Forces approaching from the south.”

“Understood,” Steve replies. He turns to look at you, realizing how quiet it’s gotten, only to find you standing in a staring match with your soulmate.

You should say something. Anything. But you can’t think of a damn thing right now.

After all this time, he’s standing here. The hat over his head only makes you want to take it off so you can run your fingers through his hair. He’s layered in so many clothes, most of them baggy. Hiding in plain sight is easier than some think, and he looks like he’s mastered it. No wonder you couldn’t find him for two years.

“Do you know me?” Steve’s voice breaks the tense silence, slicing right through the air.

Bucky’s eyes move from yours to Steve’s. His expression remains blank, giving away nothing. “You’re Steve.” He nods to the notebook in Steve’s hand. “I read about you in a museum.”

Sam’s voice comes back through. “They’ve set the perimeter.”

“I know you’re nervous,” Steve presses on. You feel useless standing here, saying nothing. Rendered speechless by the mere sight of your soulmate. “And you have plenty of reason to be.”

Finally, you find your words. “You’re lying.” Bucky’s eyes snap back to yours. “I can feel it.”

“You can feel it?” Bucky asks incredulously, the first emotion he’s shown since he saw you.

You nod. “I’m your soulmate.” 

Your voice shakes as you say it. Somewhere along the past two years, you had worked up the perfect fantasy in your head. The one where he’d recognize you immediately, hug you tightly, and say how glad he was to see you after all this time. The one where he’d turn to Steve and thank him for keeping his promise, for finding you.

But in every single fantasy, you never predicted what he says next.

“I don’t have a soulmate,” he says firmly. “I don’t know who you are.”

Before you have time to let yourself be upset over that, Sam’s voice returns. “You guys better hurry up with whatever the hell you’re doing.”

“Shut it, Sam,” you bite back.

“I wasn’t in Vienna,” Bucky says, looking at Steve. “I don’t do that anymore.”

“I know you don’t,” you murmur, causing Bucky’s attention to shift back to you. “I know it wasn’t you.”

“What do you mean you know?” Bucky asks again.

“I told you,” you try to keep your voice even, but you can feel his lies. You don’t know why he’s lying. You know these circumstances aren’t ideal as a first meeting, but neither was D.C., and you still dealt with it. You’re not asking him to kiss you right now. You just want him to admit he recognizes your face. “My name is Y/N. I’m your soulmate. Steve is your best friend. You made him promise that he’d find me, and he did.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Again, Sam interrupts the conversation. “They’re entering the building.”

“Got it,” you reply. Now isn’t the time to talk to Bucky about this. You can be upset with him for lying later -- and figure out why he’s lying, too. Not right now, though.

“Listen, the people who think you were in Vienna are coming now,” Steve gets the conversation back on track. “They’re not planning on taking you alive.”

“That’s smart,” Bucky replies without hesitation. You feel it in your chest. His acceptance. “Good strategy.”

“I’m not letting you die,” you hiss, nearly adding you son of a bitch at the end.

“They’re on the roof. I’m compromised,” Sam’s frantic voice comes through the radio.

“This doesn’t have to end in a fight, Buck,” Steve says, near pleading.

You listen to the footsteps circling all around, your hand already pulling out your gun.

Bucky slips off his gloves, revealing his metal hand. “It always ends in a fight.”

“Five seconds.”

“Shit,” you curse under your breath, seeing shadows outside. You’re caged in. “Goddamn it.”

“You pulled me from the river!” Steve argues. “Why?”

Bucky’s answer is full of lies. “I don’t know.”

“Three seconds.”

“Yes, you do,” Steve counters, clearly as fed up as you, but there’s no time left to argue.

Your heart is pounding, and despite Bucky’s insistence that he doesn’t know who you are, you still don’t feel so panicked that you want to shut down. You’re ready for the fight. Especially if it’s for him.

“Breach! Breach! Breach! Get the hell out of there!”

Grenades launch through the windows. You smack one right back out the shattered glass with the side of your gun, hearing it explode midair. Steve hits another with his shield. Bucky kicks the last over to Steve who covers it just in time, controlling the blast.

Bucky grabs you by the shoulders and wrenches you away from the window, just in time to miss a gunshot. His wide eyes stare down at you, almost like his reaction was involuntary. You’re grateful nonetheless, but there’s no time for exchanging thank yous.

You turn and kick the table, the added support from Bucky’s arm sending it flying and blocking the door. 

Men swing in through the broken windows, firing rounds as fast as their weapons will let them. Bucky handles one, watching in bewilderment as you handle the other. Yours is knocked out cold in seconds thanks to Steve’s shield.

Another comes in through the back door that Steve takes care of, but not before Bucky starts trying to run, shoving the guy out onto the roof.

“Buck, stop!” Steve pulls him backwards by his arm. “You’re gonna kill someone!”

In such a quick movement that it makes you gasp, Bucky has Steve pinned to the floor. He punches the floorboard directly next to Steve’s head, pulling out a backpack.

He’s been planning for this day. Probably since the first day he moved in. Ready to run. Your other dream makes sense now. In it, you’re always chasing after him, but in an open field. It always ends the same, with him catching you in his arms. But you know reality won’t play out that way.

“I’m not gonna kill anyone,” Bucky says, looking up at you, for what reason you aren’t sure. He tosses the backpack out the door without looking.

“What the hell?” You say, mostly to yourself.

Another guard comes through the window, and once again, Bucky grabs you and hauls you over to him. This time he holds you into his chest, using his metal arm to block the bullets before Steve covers you both with the shield. Too much is happening for you to register the way he’s protecting you again, but he stops doing it before you can even blink.

Bucky sends Steve flying out the window on top of one of the men. 

You give him a look and yell, “Seriously?!” but you’re cut off when his eyes widen, catching sight of the other gunman coming inside.

Bucky shoves you behind him, using his metal hand to block the bullets until he can knock the guy down. You kick the other in the chest, and Bucky finishes the job with a cinderblock.

“Damn,” you mutter, your train of thought ending when a gun outside the door begins shooting the hinges. “Fuck!”

Bucky moves you behind him again, his arm steadying you when he realizes he pushed you a little too hard. His eyes are apologetic, but given everything he’s said to you, you think you might be fantasizing again.

Bucky shoves the door forward when they try to break it down, effectively taking down three guards with it. He shields you once again when a man breaks through the ceiling, firing at Bucky. 

“If you don’t know me, then why the fuck are you protecting me!” You yell, shoving Bucky away angrily. He barely moves, but it’s enough for you to start firing at some of the guards. Not headshots, because you aren’t that cruel, but enough to slow them down.

Bucky ignores your question and grabs onto the man still hanging from the ceiling, using him to swing down. He looks back up at you, almost remorseful, but you glare at him.

Steve returns in time to crush one of the radios a man was using to give information on Bucky’s whereabouts. He grabs you around the waist and jumps down to Bucky’s level.

You elbow the guy in the back of the neck as hard as you can, and Bucky’s expression is grateful.

You must be seeing things.

Guards are flung in every direction. Steve catches one from falling all the way to the bottom, giving Bucky a stern look as he throws the man back into the wall. You almost laugh at Steve’s “Come on, man.”

While you’re busy fighting and firing, Bucky jumps down the middle of the damn stairwell like an idiot. You hear him scream when he catches his arm on one of the railings, pulling himself up to the floor.

You kick another guard in the chest, knocking him out cold when his head connects to the concrete wall.

You run down the steps as fast as you can, narrowly avoiding shots and firing some of your own over your shoulder. You reach Bucky’s floor just in time to see him jumping from the window.

“Son of a bitch,” you curse. Heights are not your thing. They’ve never been your thing. And Bucky just jumped who knows how many stories down to the roof of the adjacent building.

Guards are closing in on you. Steve is occupied with another group. You don’t have any other option.

“Oh, fuck it,” you cuss, running forward, giving yourself no time to think about it before you jump.

Your legs flail as you soar through the air. You search the roof of the building down below and see Bucky’s backpack, but you don’t see him.

“Shit!” Your feet barely connect with the side of the roof before Bucky is catching you, rolling with you in his arms, but careful not to crush you with his weight.

“Are you out of your fucking mind?” He yells, shoving you off of him.

“Are you out of yours?” You fire back with just as much venom, elbowing him in the ribs. “Why do you keep protecting me? I thought you didn’t know me, huh?”

“I don’t,” Bucky grits out, grabbing his backpack.

From above you see a shadow. With what feels like natural instincts, you tackle Bucky to the ground, resulting in a very pissed off look, until he sees what just landed on the roof.

“A cat?” You mutter. “What the fuck is going on?” You raise your gun and fire, but the bullet ricochets. “A bulletproof cat. Great.”

Bucky growls and throws you off of him. “Stay behind me,” he orders.

“Fuck off,” you hiss.

Yet another fight begins. 

Whoever the person is, they aren’t interested in you at all. Their focus is entirely on Bucky, which leaves you hiding behind some sort of pipe system while you wait for Sam or Steve.

“Southwest rooftop,” you say through the radio. “Bucky’s fighting some...cat.”

“Cat?” Sam calls back. “What the hell?”

“About to find out,” Steve mutters, and seconds later you feel his bodyweight thud onto the roof.

But then, as if there isn’t enough going on, a helicopter comes overhead.

“For fuck’s sake,” you groan, staying crouched and firing up at the copter’s tail rotors. “Sam? Little help?”

“Got him,” he replies, and a few seconds later, the helicopter is literally kicked out of the way.

You straighten and keep firing, worsening the damage, but unfortunately not enough to knock it out of the sky. Bucky manages to throw the cat off of him, giving him enough time to do more jumping, which only makes you more pissed off with him. 

Does he just love parkour or something?

“He jumped, Steve.” You start running toward the edge and Steve joins you a second later. “Are we?”

Steve nods. “Hang on,” he says, grabbing you around the waist again before he jumps from the roof. 

You squeeze your eyes shut, only opening them when you feel the two of you hit the ground.

“You okay?” Steve asks when the two of you break into a sprint.

“Fine,” you mutter, seeing Bucky up ahead, but then, just like that, he disappears, having jumped again. “I’m not cut out for this!” You scream, holding onto Steve again as you both sail down onto the busy street below.

Running like it’s the only thing you know how to do, you mentally punch Bucky in the face a thousand times for acting the way he is. How can he protect you one moment and swear he doesn’t know you in the next? Talk about hypocrisy.

You follow behind Steve, swerving to avoid hitting cars as you run after Bucky.

“Stand down!” The police yell through the speakers on their car, the sirens only adding to your stimulation and pissing you off further. “Stand down!”

“Ready when you are,” you say, nodding to Steve. 

The two of you split up. Steve crashes into the windshield of the car and it screeches to a stop. Wrenching the door open, you shove the driver out, hopping in and locking the doors. Steve punches the rest of the windshield out of the way before sliding in, and you literally floor it.

Weaving in and out of the cars, you smack the sirens off in annoyance. This is not how you saw yourself spending today. Or how you saw seeing Bucky again turning out. This is ridiculous.

And the fucking cat. Who the hell even is that?

Speak of the devil, he latches himself onto the back of the car. 

“Seriously?” You mutter, swerving as best you can, but it’s hard in a tunnel, and you’re not trying to cause any wrecks with innocent citizens.

“Sam, we can’t shake this guy,” Steve calls out.

“Right behind you.”

But you don’t know how far behind he is, so you start some more counter measures when you see more police cars speeding up next to you. Even slamming the car into the others doesn’t knock the cat off, and now you’re pissed.

Up ahead, police are coming at you from the other direction. You spot Bucky jumping to the other side, and upon realizing the only thing blocking it is barrels, you swerve and take the same route.

Bucky loses time when he steals a motorcycle, giving you enough time to catch up to him, but the goddamn cat is still on the back of your car. And you’ll be damned if that guy gets to Bucky first.

Somehow, the cat manages to crawl over the car and attempt to latch onto Bucky, but Bucky fights him off just enough before Sam swoops in and grabs him — finally.

But the cat puts up a fight, nearly dragging Sam down. An explosion happens ahead, caused by Bucky, no doubt, and you see Sam fling the cat directly into it.

It isn’t enough.

With the rubble everywhere, you can’t drive anymore, so you and Steve abandon the car, jumping over large chunks of concrete. Steve speeds ahead, tackling the cat and pulling him away from literally clawing Bucky’s eyes out.

Bucky seems more pissed than pleased to see you, not that you can be bothered to care right now.

Steve holds his shield, keeping the cat away from Bucky. Sirens wail and close in on all of you. Bucky, much to your annoyance, steps forward to put his body in front of you, his metal arm crossing over your body in protection. The action would warm your heart had you not just jumped off buildings for him.

A silver Iron Man suit appears from the sky, landing in front of all of you, both hands raised and ready to fire. “Stand down. Now.”

Steve puts his shield away and raises his hands. You do the same, dropping your gun to the floor. They’re probably going to take it anyway.

“Congratulations, Cap, Y/N. You’re criminals.”

“Who the hell are you?” You ask.

You don’t get an answer before men are storming forward and practically throwing Bucky to his knees. You’re shoved away by one of them and you hiss when your arms are wrenched behind your back. Bucky jerks himself out of their grasp, only to punch the guard that was rough with you. The guard lays unconscious on the ground with a broken, bloody nose, Bucky’s chest heaving as he’s shoved back to the ground.

You’re too stunned to resist arrest.