I miss you and your idea your warmth, your presence, your fragrance when enveloped by absence, I miss you Today i miss you just like i did yesterday and i will miss you tommow just the same.
nocturne, excerpts from my journals
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The last scenes in Castlevania nocturne season one dunked me and my gf into subspace.
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so uh last week i submitted my masters thesis and started working full-time as a research engineer which means i probably will have even less time to make themes haha uh but i do have one more theme planned for next week (hopefully????? if i have time to finish it?????)
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maybe its personal bias bc ive been on & off journaling since nov of 2021, but ive found it to be a worthwhile activity because regardless of whether insight or relief come to you from the immediate act OR the re-acknowledgement long afterwards, journaling is particularly therapeutic
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My best journal writings are during night rain showers on my front porch, surrounded by my plants. Sounds of cars passing, raindrops, nocturnal creatures, wind & wheels on the slick road.
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Yesterday, this old man caught a ride to a funeral home to attend the viewing of a woman dead, who had been hit by two vehicles while crossing a blue highway at a busy intersection. Blue highways are not interstates or tollways. However, in the suburbs of Chicago, they can have very fast & very dense traffic. Road rage & hit & run events are not uncommon.
I knew this woman. She had struggled all her life. She had sufferings which I do not feel I can witness without offending family and friends. However, I can say that she has paid for her debts with her struggles, pains, losses, & sadness.
This world holds such incredible evil. It also holds such beauty. This woman was beautiful and served others all her life. Now her beauty has gone into the ground, six feet deep.
I tap the words you are reading as men snore, clear their throats, occasionally cough. Ceiling fans whir a comforting continuous sound. I tried lying on the cot at this shelter in a church basement. After an hour and a half, I went to brush my teeth and use the toilet. I do this when others are asleep, so that I can get some small measure of privacy. Safety is an illusion, hanging on prayers or destiny, however you perceive. Sometimes I fear criticism of my ego. Once an old man on the elevated train carped at me for excessive use of the first person. I felt like the worst person, if only for a moment. So we go fading again into the night, dreaming of a comforting light.
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Up, went to bed semi early and factory reset my phone and decided to start over all of my social media because of course I don't remember my email.
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life was simpler when I failed a calc final and sunk the following week of my life into modded minecraft
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louise glück, the white series // claude monet, houses in the snow // fyodor dostoyevsky, the gentle spirit // jane o. wayne, with solitude //reddit user artsykate, winter nocturne with lonely road // joseph brodsky, to m.b. // fyodor dostoevsky, poor folk // caspar david friedrich, winter landscape // audre lorde, the cancer journals // mahmoud darwish, memory for forgetfulness
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when i let my mind unravel, when i step deeper into the abyss, in times of such terrors, I stand gutsy knowing you would be there to assist me.
nocturne, excerpt from my journal
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