#not just survival under capitalism. ANY type of survival

[235uranium]

gonna be real i have yet to see anything actually compelling for antipsych to be a decent methodology other than "psychology and psychiatry havent been very good at doing science, so clearly science cant answer this question"

[kookslastbutton]

Reflections ༓ kth (m) | "Stay with me until the end of the day"

✑ Summary: As a new hire at one of the most prestigious jewelry brands in the world; Adrien & Rosamel in Paris, you've been trying to build your professional portfolio for months. So when global brand ambassador Kim Taehyung comes in for a photoshoot but his personal photographer is unavailable, the company offers the gig to you. Oh of course you take it in a heartbeat—it's a given.

pairing: brand ambassador!Taehyung x new photographer!reader

genre/AU: fluff, angst, smut, photography au, modeling au, s2l, two part series (duology?)

word count: 11.3k

warnings: exposes "dark side" of fashion world, oc gets insulted by fashion assistants (b-word dropped once but our oc bites back), flirty yet annoying videographer!kook, angry!seokjin, sunshine!stylist!hobi, charming!makeup artist!jimin, cool manager!joonie, Taehyung is an elegant flirt and not like the others, jazz bar date🥺, Taehyung calls her darling a lot, tehyung gets jealous, talk about long distance relationship, sexual content

sexual warnings: dom!Taehyung, sub!reader, explicit sex (use of condom), big dick!tae (it takes a bit to get it all the way in 😬), praise kink, lingerie, small jewelry kink? (He f's oc with their ruby necklace on), doggy, size kink, multiple org*sms, squ*rting, oral (f. Receiving), half a hand*b, f*ngering, overstimulation, little bit of breastplay, cussing, d*rtytalk, foreplay, a little expressiveness, mention of aftercare, Taehyung just adores hers, hot car make out, mention of morning s*x

now playing: Slow Dancing by thv

a/n: first omg i never reached 11k in my life. Secondly, shoutout to anyone who has seen Devil Wears Prada...a personal favorite of mine. Also Layover is omg the best thing ever! So i decided to focus on slow dancing for this fic. Pls enjoy ❤

part one | part two

How many twenty-something-year-olds can say they work at one of the biggest, most luxurious jewelry & fragrance brands in the world? And on top of that, are located in the fashion capital; Paris, France? A rare handful, and it's because of those reasons that they're given the lowest positions possible; you being one of them.

Sure, climbing the corporate ladder is possible with years of relentless dedication, raw talent, and of course, let's not forget connections with the higher-ups. But competition grows fiercer with each passing year as more eager young people gun for advancements in hopes of survival.

After all, who can afford to be stuck on the bottom rung forever?

You didn't want to believe the undertone theme in the critically acclaimed movie The Devil Wears Prada was true, that underneath the glitz and glam of haute couture are ruthless, cutthroat fashion moguls. But from the moment you stepped through the doors of Adrien & Rosamel in your coffee brown slacks and beige button down shirt, it couldn't be refuted–

No one was your friend and no one wanted to be.

Newbies must establish their professional value to the brand as early as possible to prevent being cut at any given moment. On the other hand, experienced professionals who have already earned their merit through decades of labor refuse to give up the stake to their claim and must be careful not to have the carpet swept from under their feet to a junior half their age.

It's a vicious race and despite its bitter nature, you're at the very heart of it.

As a fashion photographer, your ultimate goal is to have weeks' worth of sessions with models from all over the world; all adorned with timeless pieces from genuine gold watches to the richest of gemstones.

These are the types of photographers who are the best and brightest in the industry. They have at least ten years of experience and are booked until the very last second with modeling photoshoots.

The odd prodigy exist too; individuals who are born with an insane wealth of insight and skill which allow them to move up in rank faster.

You wish you were good enough to be considered a prodigy but no such luck. Adrien & Rosamel have insanely high standards on who is allowed to handle the jewelry, let alone be around the models who are so-called showcasing them.

So here you are day what—241? And still stuck taking photos of the same jewelry pieces day in and day out. Sure the theme of the photos gets changed slightly but it's been eight months of this generic work and truth be told, you're getting sick of it.

.

"__!" Seokjin, your coworker and one of A&R's jewelry polishers calls your name anxiously. He rushes to your side where you're taking close-up photos of a limited-edition steel watch. "Be gentle with this, will you? This is selling for 7,000 euros which means $8,000, 10 million south korean won, and 6,000 pounds. I also just finished polishing it so don't be getting your grubby fingerprints all over it!"

You roll your eyes and continue to move the watch around on the display table until you get a perfect angle. "Relax princess, I'm barely touching it and I have gloves on."

Seokjin's fluffy eyebrows furrow together, face scrunching at the nickname you chose for him. "That's—that's completely uncalled for! Do you know how long I spent buffering the face of the watch alone?! One hour __!"

You hate yourself from bursting out in laughter but this isn't the first time you've gotten lectured by Seokjin. Its like the tiniest detail would set him off. Seokjin's been with the brand a little longer than you; a year now, but he still has that constant need to micromanage everyone he can.

"Look," he continues his scold. "If anything happens to these priceless watches it's my head on the chopping block. I can't afford to lose my job __!"

"Yes, I understand Seokjin. Nothing will happen to these alright?" You move around the man to get more pictures of the watch lying elegantly on its side. "Don't you have about fifty other watches to shine or do you like nitpicking my every movement instead?"

Seokjin scoffs at you, sticks his hands on his hip and walks away with a disapproving shake of his head. "I have my eye on you junior," he warns.

You ignore his subtle jab and continue taking photos. "Creep," you mutter under your breath.

Ten minutes pass and you're about ready to move on to the editing process for your photos. You take a quick peek at them through your camera, clicking through the gallery with the right arrow button.

"Not bad newbie," you hear a voice come from over your shoulder that causes you to jump in surprise.

"What the fuck Jeon," you throw your best side-eye at the young man who happens to be your only acquaintance in the whole company. His role was similar to yours, but instead of photographing jewelry he films them; he's a videographer. "I'm beginning to think you like sneaking up on me on purpose."

The young man laughs with a child-like energy. "What can I say? Seeing you flustered does something to me. But actually, I was just passing by. Haven't talked to you in a while."

Come to think of it he has a point. You haven't seen Jeon Jungkook in about two weeks straight. The two of you aren't friends so you don't check up on each other constantly but you'd like to think you have good rapport.

"What have you been up to anyway? I've seen you rushing around the place like you have millions of appointments to make," you ask.

"I've become a busy man babe," he replies with a cheeky grin. "The higher-ups have noticed my talent and I'm playing with the big boys now."

"You talk about the higher-ups like they're Big Brother or something. Come on, tell me again but in laymen terms."

He sighs at the need to repeat himself. "Okay, listen. I'm working with the models now and more specifically I have a 2 o'clock gig with Kim Taehyung tomorrow. You know, our global ambassador? I'm shooting the film portion of the campaign we're running for him. Isn't that insane?!" His eyes glow up at the mere mention of Kim Taehyung who you are well aware of.

Everything about your famed global ambassador is a fashion photographer's dream; tall, lean, and tantalizingly handsome.

"Of course, I know who Kim Taehyung is. His face is plastered all over the walls of Adrien & Rosamel. Even saw his face on one of our company mugs. Anyone who's anyone will sell their left kidney to breathe in the same room with him but how the heck did you land a shoot with him this early? You've been here for less time than me!"

You're not shouting, you promise. Just extremely envious at the continuous luck Jungkook is having.

"Well," he starts drawling his words. "I might have gotten close with Park Ji-hun over the last month or so. His daughter in particular." You raise your eyebrows in awe.

Park Ji-hun has been Kim Taehyung's personal photographer for nearly ten years. And next to the model himself, he's another highly talked about individual at Adrien & Rosamel.

"Please tell me you didn't use his daughter for your own professional gain," you interject. Jungkook waves his hands around disapprovingly at your suspicion.

"I didn't, we went out on a blind date. I didn't know who her father was until half-way through the date."

"Mhm, something tells me that that's not completely true."

"Okay, so maybe her name sounded a little familiar but I swear, I didn't know they were the same person. But long story short, we started going out and I managed to win her father's approval. And now he's letting me shoot with him!" Jungkook's enthusiasm dies when he sees you doing your best to give a tight-lipped smile. "Babe, listen. I know you and I had a thing a few months back but....you're not still pining over me are you?"

You shove him in the shoulder at the ridiculous question. "We never had a thing. Stop it. I'm just trying to wrap my mind around your recent success."

Jungkook shrugs. "I guess its fate. And we definitely had a thing," he gives a wink. "Well anyway, I need to get to another appointment in ten. Jimin's gonna completely flip if I'm late."

Your mouth gapes open. "You're working with Park Jimin too? He's one of our best makeup artists, what the hell?"

"There are many colors that suit you __. Green's not one of them." Jungkook spins himself around and walks away from you. "Catch you later!"

"Goddamnit," you curse to yourself. "Is he Mr. Perfect or something?"

"__, we're gonna need the space in about five minutes." Another photographer calls from behind you, reminding you that you need to make yourself scarce.

The next morning is absolute madness with the news of Kim Taehyung's arrival in Paris.

As one of the most iconic brand ambassadors and haute couture models, he has quite an impressive fan following from countries all over the world including France. From the moment he steps out of his plane until the minute he enters Adrien & Rosamel, the man is constantly surrounded by masses of people all standing around with their phone cameras.

The company doesn't exactly give him a break from the high intensity of the crowd either. All the assistants working today are tasked with both meeting his requests and socializing with him while the rest of the team hauls around studio equipment for his photoshoot.

"Did you see the way he looked at me Ha-rin?" You overhear one of the assistants boast to the other while passing in the hallway. "I've had such a crush on him for years and I finally have the chance to meet him. I swear, I'll do anything he asks me to do."

"Oh my god, how dense can you be? Sure he smiled at you but let's not forget who it was he asked to get water from," the second woman spats back, raising the unopened bottle of water in her left hand. "It was me. I'm the one he wanted."

You snort at how snarky the two of them are to each other. As if Kim Taehyung would give so much of a blink their way let alone "want" either of them. You've never met the man but you've seen his face enough to know he could have anyone he desired. And it sure as hell wasn't going to be anyone from the company.

"Excuse me," Ha-rin stops in her tracks and speaks in your direction. "Is there something you find funny?"

"I'm sorry?" You freeze in place, unsure of what the woman's referring to.

"Don't play coy junior. You snorted at us, kinda nosy to be listening in on a private conversation."

Fuck sake, you are getting so tried of everyone calling you junior. You weren't given the name __ for it to be ignored at will.

"My apologies if it seemed that way. I assure you I was thinking of other matters." Your Majesty, you wanted to add but didn't.

Ha-rin body scans you as you speak and it immediately makes you feel self-conscious. The way she purses her lips can't be anything but venom that's about to spit out at you. "It better be that way. And by the way, those pants don't do anything for you. Maybe wear a dress next time," she slithers.

"Oh you mean like the dress you're wearing?" you reply. "No thanks. I'm not looking to impress anyone here. I have to get back to work now so you'll both excuse me," you bid them adieu and continue walking down to your office.

"What a bitch," you overhear one of them say and you clench your fists with tears brimming underneath your eyes.

Don't you dare cry __. Not here.

So some of your eye makeup got smudged from your incident with thing 1 and thing 2. You hate how much such a shallow jab got to you but, you're only human.

Coming into such a luxe company you expected this type of behavior. Yet your dreams are so much bigger than them. You'll push through like always.

"Hey," a knock pounds on your door. "Need to talk to you. Busy?" Its you manager Namjoon.

"No." You give him your full attention. "What's going on?"

Namjoon closes his eyes in a desperate attempt to calm himself down. "We have a situation," he starts.

"Okay...what happened Joon?"

"Our shoot with Kim Taehyung is in less than an hour and Park Ji-hun is nowhere to be found in the building. We called him up and looks like he had another shoot scheduled during the same slot. Must have been an overlook on our part, his part, I don't care whose fault it is. But we need someone to fill in right now or we're not going to have any material for our campaign." It comes out all at once and the feeling of whiplash washes over you.

"On top of that," he continues, "I don't want to waste monsieur's time. He just flew 14 hours from Seoul. So, can you do it or no?"

Oh my god...you repeat at least twice in your head before forming a response.

"I'd be very grateful for this opportunity but shouldn't this go to the next best photographer available? I only shoot jewelry on its own. I've never done—"

"You are our next best option __. All our photographers are booked with other models for the next three months. You've been here long enough to know how packed schedules get. Please, I've seen your work. It's good. And if you want an in for your career, I'd grab your camera and meet Kim in the studio in two minutes."

"Well I—"

"Yes or no __? Because I can always give the opportunity to another jewelry photographer. I'd rather not because they're techniques not as good as yours but I'll do it if I have to."

Your mind scrambles for a concise answer. You've been working towards something like this for months, doing your best to perfect your craft in hopes the higher-ups might recognize you as they did Jungkook. Yet until now it's been null; no one has made you such an important offer.

"I'll grab my equipment and meet you all in the studio," you decide. Your manager nods in approval and moves to exit your office.

"That's what I was hoping to hear. You'll be working closely with Jungkook, Jimin, and Hoseok. I'm sure you're familiar with them, no?"

"Yes sir," you reply. "Quite familiar."

"Jung Hoseok," the man with likely the brightest and most genuine smile you've ever seen shakes your hand. "I'm Kim Taehyung's stylist for this shoot. We're going for laid-back, yet elegant and refined for the studio shoot. Tomorrow we'll go with a completely free theme when we shoot at the beach. I have some specific fashion pieces picked out that I think he'll make pop for this campaign."

"That sounds great Hoseok. I wasn't aware we were going to a location tomorrow though." You don't mean to sound naive but you really were just thrown into this only minutes ago.

He lets go of your hand after the quick shake. "Yes, we have a two-day shoot planned. I know this is all news to you as of five minutes ago. And I'll do my best to help I'm any way I can. Park Ji-hun believes that the jewelry pieces and cologne picked out for Taehyung will be best suited in two places. One, in the studio to highlight the jewelry and two, at the beach to create an atmosphere for the cologne."

"Makes sense, thank you for filling me in."

"Like I said, I'm going to do as much as I can to help. Jimin get over here and introduce yourself to __." He calls to the pink hair boy who's busy sorting through his makeup palettes.

"Park Jimin," he walks over to you and also shakes your hand. "Makeup artist. Jungkook's told me about you."

"Oh god," you slip out and everyone chuckles. "Do I need to go hide somewhere now?" Who knows what Jungkook's said about you. Looks like he really is trying to get cozy with as many people as he can here.

"No no," Jimin waves of your slight embarrassment. "He just said you're an acquaintance that's all." You want to believe him but the smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth has you second-guessing.

It's not like Jungkook has a lot of beef with you or "secrets" to spill. He just had a big mouth, flirted with everyone in sight his first three months at the company and you happened to be his first target.

But no biggie. He's dating Park Ji-hun's daughter now, right?

"Love," it's Jimin's voice again. "Don't take this as any offense but I think you need a touch-up. Half your makeup's wiped from your face. Let me fix it for you okay?"

Well if you weren't embarrassed before you are now. Jimin's a professional make-up artist, surely his eyes are fine-tuned to the human face and pick up on make-up inconsistencies.

"Sure," you give in. "That'd be great."

Jimin walks over to his pile of make-up supplies and grabs a classic black eyeliner. "Close your lids," he tells you softly. He gently draws a wing over the lid that needs the most help and then, reaches for an eyeshadow that matches the other eye. "Okay, almost there. Just a few more brushes of this and you'll be good to go."

Though your eyes are closed you can easily distinguish the sound of a third voice.

"So you said yes huh?" Jungkook nears you and Jimin with a cheesy grin. "Now who's moving up in the world?"

"This is our first time working together Jeon," you reply. "Let's keep things professional shall we?"

"Oh please, you should be thanking me instead of giving me pointers on how our professional relationship should be." Jungkook snaps back and you stiffen at his words.

"Thank you? For what?"

"Namjoon didn't mention who exactly dropped your name as a potential candidate to clear up this little mess of ours? When Ji-hun told us he accidentally double-booked I immediately suggested you. I'm hurt you didn't know." He puts his hands over his heart as if pretending to be in pain.

"Wow, well you're right. I suppose I owe you my thanks." And here you thought people only looked out for themselves. Still, it's not like you and Jungkook are gunning for the same position. Him helping you doesn't exactly put him at a disadvantage.

You do feel more pressured to do well for this shoot though. Not only is it your first model shoot, and with all people, it happens to be with Kim Taehyung but it'll backfire on Jungkook if the photos you capture turn up bad. You don't want to imagine what that'll do to both of your professional credibility.

"Alright you're good as new love," Jimin pipes up. You open your eyes and mouth a thank you but you find the words turn into gibberish as the man of the hour finally rounds the corner of the studio.

"Monsieur," Hoseok is the first to greet Kim Taehyung as he enters the space. "Good to see you again."

"How are you Hobi?" Such an endearing nickname comes from a deep, honey voice. It charms your ears. Kim Taehyung stands straight with one hand in the pocket of his loose black slacks while the other rests near the edge of his matching black blazer. It's oversized with a basic, yet clean white t-shirt. Elegant yet, relaxed.

"Doing well, thank you. But I'm afraid you'll need to change out of these clothes soon. We have a perfect ensemble picked out that'll combine well with your style and the pieces you'll be showing off." Hoseok guides him towards the dressing rooms but as he does, your eyes catch Taehyung's.

"Monsieur," Jimin and Jungkook rush to his side at once when they see him looking over. "This is __." They gesture at you with a hand. "She'll be filling in for Park Ji-hun during the entirety of the shoot."

Taehyung's chocolate eyes study your features, your posture, and most of all your lack of movement as he waits for you to say something.

You bow realizing all you've been doing is staring at his flawless face. You've seen him on social media, posters, promo banners, everything, and anything but seeing him in person is not at all the same. "Monsieur," you greet. "It's a pleasure to meet you and to be working with you for the next two days. As the others have said, my name is __."

The man takes long, purposeful strides toward you. "I promise, the pleasure is all mine," he says with a hand moving to shake yours. His long, beautiful fingers wrap around your hand and pull you into a firm grip. "Thank you for stepping in for Ji-hun. And from now on, there's no need to be formal. You can call me Taehyung."

He then flashes you a smile that makes you begin to understand why the two assistants from earlier were so adamant on getting his attention; he's breathtakingly gorgeous. You feel yourself on the brink of a cold sweat at any moment.

"I insist everyone call me by my first name," he says. "I'm an easy man."

"But Mons–" you start but he quirks a brow at you in expectation to fulfill his request. "I understand."

"Do you model as well?" Taehyung asks casually after retracting his hand. "Sorry, I can't help but notice that you have a lovely bone structure. I like to paint in my spare time and sometimes I enjoy having live models as a reference."

The question takes you by surprise. Not many people bother to compliment your physical features expect maybe a few of your closest friends. "I don't model. I prefer being the one behind the creation, like how I'll be behind the camera with you."

He chuckles at your reply. "If you ever change your mind, I'd be happy to paint a portrait of you."

"Well thank you. I'm afraid I don't do nudes though." You really ought to shut your mouth sometimes. Of course, artists don't solely paint nude portraits. What are you saying?

The man in front of you ponders your choice of words for a few seconds too long then leans in towards your ear. Not so far that it's invasive but enough that you're the only one able to hear. "Again, if you ever change your mind....I'd be honored to paint you."

"Monsieur this is not appropriate to be saying."

"I'm not the one saying inappropriate things. I merely said I wanted to paint you as any artist would. You're the one that mentioned getting undressed."

Taehyung straightens himself back up and turns his whole body around. "Hobi," he shifts his attention to his stylist. "Show me what I need to wear today."

You're left standing with a baffled facial expression.

Kim Taehyung is the most elegant flirt and tease you've ever met.

After fifteen minutes Taehyung comes back to the studio in a shaggy grey button-down cardigan and plaid grey slacks. A gold chain necklace with a panther and tassle-like pendant hangs around his neck and on his left hand is a matching gold watch with a gold ring resting on his pointer finger.

They're all part of A&R's newest Panther collection and look nothing short of magnificent on him.

"We'll start with a few standing shots focusing on the ring and necklace separately," you say.

Taehyung nods in understanding and walks over to the studio setup that has a grey-ish purple green screen. Large studio lights hover on either side of the set to which Taehyung poses himself between.

He stands straight forward, eyes directly in line with the camera lens and jaw relaxed into a natural facial expression. It's a simple first pose to start off with but for a reason unexplainable Taehyung gives it new meaning.

It's takes you aback when you look at him through the lens of your camera. The closer you moves towards him to capture a clear shot, the more you're spooked by his intense eyes.

What makes it worse is when he decides to bring his pointer finger, the one with the ring, up to his mouth. His teeth latch gently around the gold band as it settles between his lips. You take several shots, adjusting the exposure on your camera as needed.

"Stunning," you hum in approval. Taehyung then slips the ring off his finger and again places it between his teeth. He tilts his head to the side to add to the flirtatious undertone of the pose.

"How was that?" He asks you after a few rapid flashes of the camera. "Thought I'd try something a little different this time."

"Came out perfect," you answer. "Flirty yet classically romantic. It molds well with our Panther campaign and brand. Suits you well too."

Taehyung's pleased by your words. "I'm glad you see it that way. I've always had a love for timeless themes. It's one of the reasons why I became an ambassador for Adrien & Rosamel. No other brand brings back the romantic past better."

"I agree with you completely. I fell in love with Adrien & Rosamel at a young age, around 13 I'd say. I always imagined myself to be largely integrated with the brand when I became an adult. Photography happened to help me get my foot in the door."

"Don't forget about me __," Jungkook interrupts from a couple feet away. "I got you this gig didn't I?"

Taehyung frowns at Jungkook's comment. "What does he mean?" He asks you. "Ji-hun specifically chose you to fill in for him didn't he?"

"Not exactly," you says with a flushed face. "Jungkook works closely with him and he was the one who recommended me to step in today. So I do owe him my life I suppose."

"You don't at all," Taehyung replied in a firmer tone than before. "He may have done you a favor but it's your talent that got you here. If your work wasn't good, do you think he'd take the risk of suggesting you?"

You stay silent as he continues.

"I've been in the industry for ten years, and no one lays their head on the line for you unless it benefits them in some way. Don't let him rob you of your achievements. And between you and me, I think he has an odd fixation on you." Taehyung lowers his voice. "Forgive me for being forward but he's not a jealous ex is he?"

You want to chuckle at the notion. "He's not, not at all." Taehyung laughs with you.

"So he's just a pain in the ass then," he says and you snort. "Had my share of them but not to worry. The best thing to do is to shake it off and in time, he'll realize everything you've gotten is by your own efforts and that you don't need his so called favors."

"Thank you Taehyung," you say, still a bit uneven as calling models like Taehyung was not what you were trained to do at Adrien & Rosamel. "We should probably move on with the shoot now."

"Sure, there's another pose I have in mind that I think will make the necklace stand out."

Taehyung steps away from you and turns around so his face is in front of the green screen. The cardigan he's wearing is cut to expose a large section of his back which allows pieces of the necklace to dangle against his smooth, bronze skin.

"What do you think? Does this fit the theme or does it look weird?" He rests one hand behind his head while the other raises above his head.

"Very artistic, hold the pose for me. Also, it's highly unlikely that you could ever look weird Taehyung." You focus the camera on the gold pendant. "You're a living and breathing aesthetic on your own."

"You know those are the same exact words I thought of when I mentioned wanting to paint you earlier. Seems like we see similarly don't we?"

"I guess we do, wow I never thought of myself as capable of having my own aesthetic. I feel like a carbon copy of everyone else some days." Once again you're stunned by his forwardness but you take it at face value. Perhaps he's naturally flirtatious even if he isn't meaning to be.

Taehyung looks over his shoulder at you and shakes his head in protest. "There's only one you __. You're not a carbon copy, so believe me when I say you're an aesthetic of your own as well. Which I would still like to get on canvas by the way."

"You're relentless about turning me into some kind of muse. I'm afraid I don't think I have the time, and neither do you now that I think of it. You fly back to Seoul after our shoot is over don't you?"

"I'm here for a couple of months actually," he surprises you with his reply. "Thought if I'm in Paris I might as well take some time to enjoy myself."

"That's fair. Now turn around again, I need to get a few more shots of the necklace."

"Your wish is my command." Taehyung faces away from you with a smile. He's decided he likes you. Maybe its a gift that Park Ji-hun couldn't do his photo session today.

"Do you want to know my favorite position?" Taehyung lays on his side with one hand supporting his head while the other clutches his elbow. The angle let's light from the softbox hit the gold watch perfectly, allowing it to be the star of the show; which is no easy task to achieve when it's Kim Taehyung who's modeling.

"No talking please," you respond, bending down on a knee in front for him. Your eye peeks through the camera lens to capture a good shot.

At your request, Taehyung does his best to remain silent but he can't help but notice your grip on the camera has gotten shakier. "Are you alright?" he asks with the tiniest smirk on his face. "Do you need a break? We've been going nonstop for nearly two hours now."

"Everything's fine Mon—"

"Taehyung," he interjects softly and slowly sits up from his position on the chaise lounge. "And here I thought we were starting to become comfortable with each other. Yet watching you struggle to hold that camera in place makes me feel bad. Let's pause for a few okay?"

You flush as he nears you, a tad embarrassed at the situation. You're a professional photographer which means you should be fully capable of moving forward with today's session without any breaks.

But you're palms are sweaty and all the hairs on the back of your neck stand straight from taking hours of close-up shots of the most handsome man on earth.

What's more, is that he keeps tossing out more flirty one-liners and finding ways to compliment you. And let's not forget your earlier exchange about the whole painting ordeal–wanting to put you on canvas and all.

No one warned you Kim Taehyung was going to be like this.

"What can I do to make you comfortable again, __?" He crouches directly in front of you with wisps of his honeyed locks dangling over his eyes. As he waits for your answer, the camera shutter clicks, getting a not-so-elegant close-up of his crotch.

Fuck. You didn't mean to take that.

"Too bad Hobi didn't give me a designer belt to wear. That would have made a great photo," Taehyung teases as he watches your fingers scrabble to delete the photo from your camera roll. "Imagine the kind of awards you'd win."

Oh god. You want to slap yourself awake now.

"Sorry," you rush to say anything at this point. "I think a break might be good after all."

"How about some fresh air? Last I knew it's a beautiful day out." Taehyung stands up and offers you a hand.

"You're offering to go out together?" You hesitate to put your hand in his at first but ultimately give in.

"Why not? It's up to you but I'd like to get some air in my lungs. Gets a little stuffy in here doesn't it?" Once he pulls you up he pulls his hand back. "Let's take a fifteen-minute break everyone," he calls to the rest of the team who nod and scatter in opposite directions.

"Fantastic." You hear Jimin talk to himself. "I've been needing to go to the bathroom for an hour already!" He scurries out of the studio as quick as his legs will carry him.

You and Taehyung find a quiet spot on the terrace above the company's enclosed garden. It's a recent edition the executives thought might give employees a small escape from the chaos of the day. And so far, it's been much appreciated. Being an unconventional hour to take a break, you're the only ones currently using the space.

"Can I ask you a question?" You cross your arms on the metal railing of the terrace and look at Taehyung beside you. He's standing calmly by the railing too with his hands in his pocket.

"Ask me anything," he replies.

"I haven't been in the fashion world nearly as long as you have but I know enough that people aren't as open as you are. You're much friendlier than most and I was wondering if you've always been that way. Even with Hoseok you call him Hobi, an endearing name."

He looks out into the distance at the perfectly trimmed bushes and trees, all square-shaped. "I became a model when I was 17. I hadn't even graduated high school yet when an agency recruited me. I thought it was a great opportunity until I saw the hunger for fame in my peer's eyes. Due to my appearance, I was given more chances to be on the cover of serious magazines like Vogue and Louis Vuitton but models who were there longer than me didn't. They were given shoots too but they were on a lower scale. Long story short they would scheme to get me in some kind of trouble so I'd get fired so they could take my place."

"I'm sorry that happened to you. I didn't want to believe that the industry was as vicious as I was told prior to entering it myself, but it is. So many of my coworkers can't wait to see someone fail so they can be promoted."

"It's a shame that it's like this __." Taehyung looks at you now, a serious expression on. "It doesn't have to be this aggressive cycle of stepping on the next guy to get to your ideal position. That's why I've decided to go against the current and make as many friends as I can. People I genuinely like tend to be my closest connections." His eyes soften at this as he scans your face.

"That's a nice sentiment but doesn't that open you up to being taken advantage of?" You think back to the two assistants from earlier this morning in the hallway. Seemingly friends on the surface but actually yanking on each other's hair below.

He shrugs and pushes a couple of loose strands of his hair behind his ear. "Sure it might but, I couldn't sleep peacefully knowing I earned my achievements by cheating everyone else out of theirs. Life's too difficult to not have a good night's sleep do you think?"

"True," you agree. "I wish more people had this sort of mindset."

"Well, luckily we can lead by example. I assume you run against the current too?"

"I try but I still have a lot of ambition so I can't say I've made any friends so far. Other than maybe Jungkook."

"Ambition is good, distinguishes the serious people from the non-serious. Friends aren't easy to make in our world __ and pardon me but that Jungkook guy isn't your friend. At most he probably has a crush on you."

"Jungkook has a crush on anyone with two legs and boobs," you chuckle and Taehyung does the same. "But he has a girlfriend now I think."

"Well, that's a relief." His tongue darts out to wet his lips. "I don't have to worry about him being a threat anymore."

You snicker at his comment. "What threat?"

Taehyung breaks into a shy grin and looks towards the ground. "Forget it, I'm just kidding around. We should head back inside. I think our time's about up." He moves to walk back inside the building but you stop him.

"Wait, no." You step closer to him. "I didn't get that joke."

He flickers his eyes up and down your body, taking in your curiosity. "You need me to spell it out for you __?" He pauses and takes a breath. "You're beautiful and I find myself extremely attracted to you. I'd–god forgive me if this makes you uncomfortable– I'd like to take you out while I'm still in Paris."

"Taehyung, that's....not a joke. Are you asking me on a date?"

"Yes, I'm asking you on a date. If you don't want to it's okay. Just say the word."

You smooth your hands down the side of your pants nervously. "Okay, what time and where?"

Taehyung's as shocked as you are by your response. "What are you doing tonight at 7 p.m?" he replies.

"Nothing, what are you doing?"

"Taking you out on a date I think. How's your dancing?"

"Oh I...I don't know. Depends on the type of dance. Why?" You know why. Of course, someone like Taehyung will want to take a slightly unconventional path for a first date.

"I want to take you to Le Duc des Lombards, you know that private jazz bar in town. So, if you can sway and don't mind being close to me we'll be in business."

"Alright." Don't overthink it, you think to yourself. It's just dancing. No biggie. "7 it is. I'll meet you there I guess."

"I can pick you up, actually, I'd really like to pick you up if I can. I know I'm such an old soul aren't I?"

"No problem," you can't contain your beaming smile. "We can exchange numbers and I'll text you my address."

"My phone's back in the studio. Let's do that before the end of the shoot."

"Shut the front door __!" Your best friend Elaine screams over the phone. "You're definitely wearing the sexy red dress I bought you for your birthday if you going to a jazz bar with, oh my god I can't even say his name. I'm so excited for you babe!"

"It's one date, Elaine. It'll probably not go anywhere either. I'm going into this as a fun night out with a very handsome man and that's all." You browse through your closet for something to wear. You've already showered and touched up your make-up. "Damn it, I have about twenty minutes before he gets here."

"I'm telling you __, wear the red one. Even if this will be a one-night thing it doesn't mean you can't look drop-dead gorgeous. Also, one more thing. What are you wearing for underwear?"

"Elaine!"

"What? If it were me I'd be looking as hot as I can tonight. Gives you a boost of confidence."

"Maybe," you say and pull out a black dress. "I'll think about it."

"Well think fast, because you're down to fifteen minutes now."

"Uh, shit." You toss the dress when you see there's a small tear in the strap. "Please tell me how I'm in the fashion industry and can't find anything to wear without holes in it."

"This is the last time I'm saying this __. Put on the red dress. It's more of a maroon so it'll make you blend with the mood of jazz but you'll pop out as well. And you'll look elegant with the silk sleeves and it's above the knee so you'll stay cool when you dance."

You card back the hangers until you get the dress Elaine is talking about. It's never been worn and it really is beautiful. "The neckline's kinda deep though," you say.

"You're boobs aren't gonna fall out if that's what you're worried about. I've seen the dress and it'll be great on your body. Plus, worst-case scenario you get laid by the hottest man in the damn universe."

"I'm not having sex with him you know..." you feel a blush creep on your cheeks. "This is a–"

"Fun night out. Yes babe, whatever you want to think." Elaine snickers over the phone.

"Fine, you win but I have to change now okay?" You set the phone down and start untying your robe. Are you wearing a transparent black lace set underneath? Yeah, but it's not like anyone's going to know about it.

"Don't forget to call me later! Or tomorrow depending on how tonight goes," she snickers again.

"Goodbye Elaine," you shake your head and end the call.

"You know what might look great with this dress is that ruby necklace I bought ages ago," you say to yourself. The necklace you're referring to is dainty yet never a let down no matter what you pair it with.

Satisfied, you head to your jewlery case in search for it.

"I see you found the place okay." You say once you hop into the passenger seat of Taehyung's Porsche. Man does well for himself.

"I did, and you look like a million dollars darling. Aphrodite herself couldn't even compare. I'm going to have the worst time trying not to stare at you tonight." Taehyung stands on the other side of your door and waits for your feet to be tucked in the vehicle before letting the door shut.

He insisted he come around and open it for you when he saw a glimpse of your figure walking towards his car.

"Darling?" you repeat inquisitively when he jumps in the drivers seat.

"Do you not like it? It's kinda old I know." Taehyung starts the car and puts the car in gear. He turns the wheel single-handedly and pulls out of your driveway.

There's something about seeing a man do this that always lights a fire inside you. Especially when said man is currently in a white, freshly pressed dress shirt, unbuttoned at the top, and dark grey dress pants.

"I like it," you say. "Darling. It fits the night well, since we're going go the jazz club. I like this look on you by the way."

Taehyung smiles at you briefly before focusing back on the road. The hand that rests on his knee shakes a little and his grip tightens on the wheel. "Hearing you compliment me makes me a little shy, sorry. But by the way, I like that ruby necklace you have on."

You smile and play with the chain. Always a hit.

The club is moderately crowded when you step foot in the building. The atmosphere is warm and inviting with the creme tones, bright white ceiling lights, and soft purple strobe lighting that shines from the stage. You and Taehyung are lucky to find a free table to claim on the end of the second row of seating.

"Have you been to Le Duc des Lombards before?" He asks, letting you take the inner seat.

"I came once but it was a long time ago when I was in college," you answer.

"Really?" Taehyung takes the seat next to you. "Where did you study?"

"Spéos photography school. A lot of wanna-be professional photographers attend there. I'm fortunate to be able to go."

"I'm glad you got to study there. I assume that's how you got a job with Adrien & Rosamel right?"

"It was definitely the main reason but," you sigh. "I did have some gracious references who help me get in, including Jungkook who went to the same school. As a videographer we were project partners a few times so he was a good person of contact. Along with a few professors of course."

Taehyung snatches the bar menu placed at your table, more aggressively than expected. "No offense but I'm really starting to not like that guy," he grits, jaw clenching. "From now on you can put me down for any further references. The photos you took look wonderful and you know I have some solid connections with some very important individuals."

"Taehyung..." You're amused by the peek of jealousy. "Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself? The photos need to be approved by our campaign managers first before any merit is given. Plus, you're not my boyfriend."

"Could be your boyfriend," he quips back and you whip your head in his direction.

"Hm?"

"Hm what? You heard me."

"I thought you said you were shy tonight," you accuse and lean over his shoulder to scan over the drink menu with him. When you do you get a strong whiff of his cologne. God, you love the smell of cologne. Would it be too far for you to grab him by the shirt collar and throw your face into his chest?

Yes __, too far. Don't do that. You waive off the thought.

"What do you want from the bar?" Taehyung asks and you give him your response. He heads for the bar in the back of the room as soon as you tell him, not even giving you any time to grab your wallet.

"Tae–" you jump up from you seat. "You don't have to pay for me. I can get my own."

"As my date, I'd be my honor to buy a drink for you __. But you can keep calling me Tae, it sounds nice coming from your lips." He turns around and continues to the bar.

Nearly two hours of live jazz music later and a few drinks later, you find yourself in a pair of long, sturdy arms. One of Taehyung's hands curls around your waist while the other laces in your fingers.

"You sway well," he drawls, pulling you closer to his body. I'd make you squirm more than you already are if it weren't for a bit of liquor in your system. "In fact, you're a natural. Makes me wonder what other areas you have a natural talent for."

"Okay monsieur," you playfully joke and continue to let him dance you in small circles. "We're getting a little close to the hot zone now."

"Are we? Must be because you're so unbearably hot. Did I tell you to look like Aphrodite in this dress?" Taehyung slips his hand from your waist. "Can I spin you?"

You nod and distance your body from his to prepare to spin into him. "If my memory serves right, you told me Aphrodite couldn't compare to me. Not that I look like her," you respond to his prior question.

"Ah that's right," he hums. "That's even better."

Taehyung's slender arms wrap around your waist when you get to the end of your twirls. Your back presses tight against his chest as he brings his lips near your ear. "You remember when I asked you if you wanted to know my favorite position? Well, this is one of them, darling."

Your breaths get shorter as you take in his charm and you're forced to look into the crowd of people in front of you. Most are busy dancing with their own partners but a few stragglers smile in your direction.

"You make a lovely couple," one older woman says to you both. "You'll make beautiful children."

"Oh we're not–"

"Yes, we will. Thank you, madame," Taehyung cuts in and you pull yourself from his hold to face him.

"Tae, what the hell are you saying?" His face sculpted from the gods themselves stares down at you in a devilish smirk.

"Is it too hot now?" He teases as he refers to your comment minutes ago about it getting too close to the hot zone.

"You're drunk aren't you?" You gently accuse with your arms crossing over your chest.

"I'm not." He snakes his arms back around you smoothly. "I have to drive you home tonight. What kind of man would I be if I got drunk?"

You let him pull you into himself again and this time when he does you feel the outline of an erection forming in his trousers.

Fuck, you curse to yourself, he's not small that's for damn sure.

"How are you feeling __? Getting tired or you wanna stay longer?"

You smirk. "I should be asking you that seeing you have a situation down there."

"Shit—" he quickly retracts his hands on your waist and backs away from you. "I'm sorry, I know we've been flirting around but I don't want to you to think that's all I'm here for."

"Its okay Taehyung, it's just a biological response," you try to soothe. "Don't worry about it."

"Yeah but it's because of you," he stresses. "I want you to know that I'm into you romantically and not just horny with lust."

Your heart clenches and your feet move to approach him on their own. You cup his cheeks with your hands and stare deep into his coffee-black eyes. "Taehyung, I've had my share of male suitors who have all been horny with lust and nothing else. I never thought for a second you were one of them okay? Plus, you're not the only one worked up tonight." You bite your cheek, unsure what'll come from admitting to the following.

"I like you too Taehyung," you finish.

"You do?" He asks with stars in his eyes, same blinding smile as usual.

You nod in affirmation.

"Is this the part where I get to kiss you?" His lids relax as he waits for your response.

"I suppose you can. Are you a good kisser?"

Taehyung snorts lightly and surprises you with a quick peck to your lips. But when he tilts his head back to look you in the eye again, you pull his face back to yours and press your lips fully on his.

Taehyung finds your waist with his fingers again the longer and deeper the kiss gets. He moves his soft lips on yours firmly then sucks on your bottom lip until his tongue is granted access into your mouth.

"Tae," you moan his name quietly. "People are starting to stare."

"And?"

You reluctantly break the kiss. "We should probably finish this in the car."

"I'd much rather have you finish in my bed though," he says before thinking it through. "Shit—sorry I did it again."

Taehyung's lips move against yours roughly as he makes out with you in the back seat. You decided I'd be easier to kiss without the center console getting in the way.

"You know I don't like putting out on the first date but...how long until you have to return to Seoul?" You tug his blonde hair as his hands wander up and down your torso.

"Two months," he replies, slightly pained. "That's actually something we should talk about if this is going where I think it is."

"Do you not do long distance relationships?"

"I don't know." He brings his lips to the side of your neck, sucking on the delicate skin. "I've never done it before. Have you?"

You shake you head. "No but I heard it's not easy."

Taehyung moves away from your neck to take your hands in his and presses a kiss to them. "I guess we have a few choices then. One, we stop here and sum it up to a nice evening out where I got to steal a kiss the most beautiful woman. I might cry myself to sleep later," he jokes but you wouldn't out it completely past him.

"Two, we make the best of it while I'm here. I'll take you out every night possible until I have to leave. We call it a temporary relationship of sorts. Or my personal favorite, we date with intent and I'll visit you every chance I get. I'll even relocate if necessary."

"God Taehyung, I don't even know. How can you decide so soon?"

"The moving part was too much, I know. I just meant that I want to be serious. Or at least give it a shot. But if that's something that doesn't work for you then we should probably stop here."

"I want to go out again though. I don't want to stop."

"So what?"

"Call me crazy but let's be serious. You're an adult, I'm an adult. Let's fucking do this." You go to kiss him again but he doesn't let you.

"Wait, __. You sure you want to go through with this?"

"I know there's a lot of grey areas to consider but I'd hate to miss out on something amazing because of a potential threat. We go out and if it works out well, then maybe...one of us can relocate. And if it doesn't then we gave it our best."

"Alright," he slowly leans his face towards you again. "If you're on board then I am too. Since we're doing it this way....do you want me to take you home?"

You shake your head in rejection. "Take me to your bed Taehyung."

"Just when I thought you couldn't get more beautiful you always make a fool out of me."

Taehyung traces down the curves of your body with cool hands as you stand in front of him in nothing but your black lingerie on. He's asked that your ruby necklace stay on too which did throw you off guard a tad.

His shirt is off himself, revealing his lean, tanned torso. His pants are off as well, showing off his his muscular thighs. No wonder he's one of the most wanted models in the world.

He's absolutely breathtaking.

"Is this designer?" He asks and you nod. "Of course, only the finest lace should be allowed to touch your body." Slender fingers dance across the cups of your bra, feeling the fabric carefully. He's not gropping at all.

"You're a flatterer aren't you?" You look him in the eye and your heart skips a beat. He's staring back at you with a similar intensity as the shoot earlier. Just like a panther, you think —alluring, dangerous, and incapable of escaping.

"Not flattering darling. Admiring," he responds lowly. "Can I remove it?" He leans forward to reach behind your back and graze across the hooks of the bra. His lips press a kiss to the space just below your ear as he does.

"Y-yes, please do," your voice hitches.

Taehyung unfastens the material from your body and you shake it off your arms and let it fall on the floor.

"Fuck," he swears and nibbles the edge of your ear while he palms your bare breasts. He thumbs at your nipples a little until their pebbling to his satisfaction. "Are you sure I can't make you my muse for my next painting?"

You chuckle and let him mouth at one of your breasts. "Maybe in time—oh god that feels good," you moan his tongue licks across you nipple.

"In time? Seems we've made some progress. You gave me a flat out no this morning." Taehyung lowers himself on his knee and presses a kiss to your bare waist. Its gentle and featherlike. He then fiddles with the edge of your lace panties as he did with your bra.

"That's because we were strangers, coworkers. However you want to call it."

"Mm, you have a point. May I?" He asks for permission and you nod with a small whine. His fingers brushing around your hips, nearing your ass only hightens your arousal.

Once he drags the thin material down your legs you step out of them and kick them to the side. Taehyung groans deeply when your center is exposed to him.

"Gods I want to lick this pussy so much. Will you let me eat you out tonight?"

"Fuck Tae," you card through his blonde hair. "Yes."

"Lets get you on my bed," he grunts, getting up from his kneeled position. He leads you to the edge of his bed where you crawl on top of his rich comforter, ass in full view as he follows behind you.

Once you're settled on your back Taehyung pushes your legs up and spreads your thighs wide open. He then crouches between them and kisses you inner thighs.

"You're very wet down here," he mumbles. "Do you want fingers first?"

"Three please," you request, already clawing at the sheets.

"Three?" Taehyung lifts his head to look at you. "You're certain you want to start with three?"

You chuckle. "I have the feeling that I'm going to need to take at least three fingers and your tongue before I can take your cock wholely. Correct me if I'm wrong."

He smirks and brings a slender finger up your slit. "No, you couldn't be more right." He pushes the finger all the way in, sinking between your velvety walls.

"Ohh," you moan.

Taehyung adds another, pumping and curling both fingers before adding the third. "So wet baby, do you hear yourself?"

The squelching sound of his fingers working in your pussy causes your core to clench and a streak of pearly white liquid to run down your thigh. Taehyung grows feral at the sight and starts pumping into you at a faster pace.

"Goddamn you're a sensitive one. When's the last time you were fingered?"

"Uh, I'm not sure. Probably two years ago?"

"Well allow me to reacquaint you with such pleasure."

Taehyung continues to work in your pussy with his fingers, hitting your g-spot with every push and curl. Strings of profanities leave your mouth as he does this and when he licks his tongue over your folds you scream in pleasure.

"Fuck Tae, don't stop! So good, oh my god," you moan and sink your fingers in his hair.

He doesn't stop at all, he doesn't slow down either. His fingers eventually pull out of you after a dozen more pumps to make room for his tongue to dip in your pussy. He teases your clit too which is all you needed to send you over the edge.

"I'm coming Tae," you say as your come on his tongue. He groans at the act and cleans up as much left over spillage as he can before moving away from your center.

"I love the way you taste," he licks the corner of his lips and makes his way up your body until he's hovering over your face. Taehyung presses a hard kiss to your lips after with traces of your come still on his tongue.

"Don't you agree?" He asks when he gives you a breath.

"I think I'd prefer the taste of something else instead," you respond with eyes flickering to his crotch.

He smirks and brings a hand up to graze the ruby necklace that's still around your neck. "You want my cock in your mouth baby? Wanna suck on it nice and firm between those pretty lips?"

"I do. Want to make you feel good too and taste your come."

"Mm," he groans. "Don't temp me darling. I'd really much rather come in your tight pussy."

"In a condom," you remind him.

"Yes of course, but still, in your pussy," he replies. "But who am I to deny you of what you want. Pick one, in your mouth or in your cunt?"

Your pussy clenches at his casualness. "Do I have to pick just one?"

"Fucking hell," he seethes. "You're a little greedy for our first time together aren't you?"

"ijuswansucuok."

"What?"

"I just want to suck your cock," you repeat. "But if I had to choose I want you to fuck me."

Taehyung gets off the bed hearing your words and sticks his thumbs in his briefs. "I'll tell you what," he pushes his underwear down to let his cock bounce free. It's huge, vein tracing up the underside, and leaking with pre-cum at the tip.

"I'll let you suck me off any other time because as you can see, I'm inches away from blowing my load already. But to make up for it, I'll let you have your pick of any position you want."

Your eyes train on his throbbing length as he crawls back to you on the bed. You know you should control yourself but you can't help but reach out and touch it.

"Oh fuuck," he clenches his teeth as your hand tightens around him. Your thumb traces his slit, rubbing circles on it. "God your fingers feel heavenly on me. But I need you to stop and tell me what position you want to be in, please."

"Doggy and can you make me squirt?"

"Yes fuck," he moans as you keep teasing his slit. "Face the headboard and get on your hands and knees."

You do as as he says and thank god you did because he was seconds away from thrusting up in your hand. Taehyung grabs a condom from the drawer by his nightstand and rips it open with his teeth. He then rolls it down his think length until he completely covered.

"Ready?" He asks you.

"Put it in me Tae. Need you inside me, please."

"I'm going to ease in alright? I'm pretty fucking big and I don't want to hurt you." At that he clamps his hands around your waist and starts nudging his cock into your entrance.

"Oh fuck—" you screw your eyes shut at the stretch. So good but he's right, he's too big. You don't know how he's going to fit himself all the way in you.

"Keep breathing darling and relax your muscles. We're taking this really slow until I can bottom out."

You do as he says as he continues to sink his length into you. "Taehyung, Taehyung fuck it feel so good but god you're a beast."

"I know and you're doing so good for me," he coos. "We're about halfway there. You're pussy feels amazing around me. Still wet with your come."

You grip the mattress and let out moan after moan. "You're only half-way in me? God I feel like I'm being split in half."

Taehyung pulls himself out of you then thrusts back in, gently but firm enough to jolt your whole body forward. He repeats the motion with each thrust going deeper than the last.

"Shit!" He groans as he beats himself into you. "So close baby. I'm almost all the way in."

"Taehyungtaehyungtaehyung," is the only word coming from you. All you feel is pleasure as he thrusts himself into you. It's been so long since you felt this good, and who the hell would have guessed it'd be Kim Taehyung to remind you of such feelings.

"There we go," he grunts as he finally, finally bottoms out. "There we fucking go baby, how are you feeling?" He asks as he picks up his pace.

"Fuck me—harder Tae," your moans are incoherent as your whole body to Taehyung.

The next ten minutes are nothing but skin slapping against skin as his cock beats inside of you, desperately working you up to another orgasm.

"Oh fuck, fuck fuck fuck," Taehyung pulls himself all the way back then snaps his hips back in, making you dizzy with arousal. "Look at you taking my big cock all at once. Just so eager to please huh? Like the way I fill you up?"

"Yes, yes I do," you pant, sweat dripping from your forehead. If you looked over your shoulder you'd see Taehyung doing the same. "I'm getting close Tae!"

"Go ahead and play with your clit for me then," he growls. "You must be so sore down there."

You quickly reach a hand down to your clit, circling it while Taehyung thrusts himself into you wholeheartedly. "Oh god, I'm almost there. I feel it Tae," you moan as the cord inside you gets tighter, threatening to break any second.

"Go on, coat my cock with your slick darling. Show me how good I'm making you feel as I rearrange your guts. You feel it deep in your stomach can't you? Fuck, I'm close myself!"

You grind your hips on his cock a few times and with that you reach your high, releasing all over Taehyung. But despite your second orgasm, his cock keeps thrusting into you.

"Can you give me one more? Need to make you squirt."

"Uh I don't know Tae, I'm not sure if I can c-come again."

"Yes you can and you will." He fucks into as hard as he can at that, no other words come from him other than deep groans. You on the other hand can't stop screaming.

"Too much Taehyung, I can't, please, need you to come. Fuck!" Despite your protest you are indeed close to a other orgasm; the third one of the night. You pussy uncontrollably clenches around Taehyung as his cock starts twitching inside you.

"Just a little more darling, getting so close. Gonna make you feel so good," he promises as his thrusts get sloppier.

"You already made me feel good Tae, want you to come too."

"I am," he replies, finally releasing. "Oh shit!"

"What? What is it?"

"You're squirting baby. Making a mess all over me and my thousand dollar sheets."

"Oh god, I'm so sorry-fuck. I'll replace them!"

"Like hell you will," he pulls out of you, ties his condom off and tosses in the trash next to his bed. He then flips you on your back and captures your lips roughly. "These sheets are mine and they'll stay mine just like you will from now on. As long as I can help it at least. Sound good?"

"Okay Taehyung," you nod. "Yours."

"Good, now how does a bath sound?"

"Fantastic," you exhale and close your eyes.

"Taehyung, Taehyung wake up." You shake the man by the shoulders next to you with both hands. "Get up get up get up!"

"What's the emergency?" He rubs his tired eyes as you move to leap up from the bed. You have the sheets wrapped tight around your body.

"We have a shoot at the beach with the team in half an hour! Hurry up and put your clothes on, you have to drive me back to my house so I can change into proper clothing."

"Why don't you wear one of my shirts or something?" He yanks your wrist towards him until you're forced to loosen your grip on his sheets and are forced atop his chest.

"Seriously? Why don't we just tell them we slept together at that point? You're crazy Kim Taehyung."

"You're making it sound like we had a one night stand," he pouts for the first time and you chuckle at how cute he looks.

"Of course it's not that Tae, it's just we still work together. We can't have them knowing we have a thing this early."

"Can we at least tell Jungkook?"

"No!" You playfully slap his shoulder. "Stop being so obsessed with him. He's got a girlfriend. Now get up, we really need to go."

"Alright, but give me a kiss first." He puckers up his lips and you concede by pressing your lips to his. "Are you a morning sex person?" He asks.

"No, we need to leave." You hop out of the bed and race to his bathroom.

"Goddamn it," he curses by himself. "Day one of being your girlfriend and she's already leaving you high and dry."

Taehyung throws the covers off his naked body and walks to the bathroom to join you in the shower—nothing but a big, happy grin on his face.

a/n: oh my gosh guys, this took me a long time. But I hope you enjoyed and lmk what you think 💞 lmk if you want to be tagged for part 2 ☺

Masterlist

Taglist:

@faiyh @brieeoche @lovemeforeternity @daughterof-aphrodit @daughterof-aphrodit @jjkluver7 @mystaerytete @sparklingocean @main-bangtansmauyeondan @ahgasegotarmy116

no reposting, copying, or translating my work– © kookslastbutton

[fucktoyfelix]

One criticism I occasionally of sex work is that no one can consent to the work, because money is inherently coercive. This highlights to me how many people remain stuck in a mindset where sexual consent is the one and only kind of consent that matters. That the violation of sexual consent, is unique in it's capacity to traumatize. I like to describe myself as a 'survival call center survivor'. My experience was that I needed money to live so desperately, I would have taken any job, no matter how mentally demeaning or emotionally destructive. I worked for Comcast under that type of coercion for two years and I nearly took my own life under those conditions. I was screamed at daily. 8 hours a day, not a moment to have my own thoughts. I resorted to opioids daily just to get through my days so I could make rent. The biggest difference between my work at Comcast and my work as a sex worker, is that at Comcast, I was legally recognized as a worker, which meant I was entitled to certain benefits and legal protections. If anyone at my place of work made me feel unsafe or uncomfortable, there would be swift remediation.

The health insurance and the 401k served as additional coercive factors, but I was able to use that 401k to leave the country for 10 months instead of the other, more permanent solution I was considering. When I returned to the United States I began participating in sex work because I love sex and sexuality. I loved making porn. I loved meeting touch starved people and helping them feel less alone!! My sex work was creative, rewarding, and profoundly fulfilling. I had control over my work in ways I never did working jobs people consider "real" jobs. But I was also extremely privileged to have never felt unsafe. Those safety concerns can only be addressed when all sex work is recognized and afforded all the same legal protections that every other job enjoys. All jobs are coercive. No one can 100% consent to any job because we all need money to survive. But until we end capitalism, not all of them have to be unsafe.

[blue-and-gilt]

17th Century 'Walloon' Sword.

While I've shown this sword before, I've held back from making a dedicated post while I attempted to researched it further. Unfortunately, there just isn't enough information available to come to any definitive conclusions and we are left to speculate based on snippets of information and clues we find in the objects themselves.

This style of sword is typically described and the 'Amsterdam town guard sword.' And is a sub-class of the broader 'Walloon' sword. Calling these 'Walloon swords' is another modern collectors' practice of convenience which is believed to have originated with the French cavalry sword; 'Epee Wallone' which was in service from the late 17th to the middle of the 18th Century.

Walloon swords are believed to have originated in the German states of the Holy Roman Empire during the time of the Thirty Years War. They are identified by the asymmetrical disk shaped guards, solid knuckle guard with two of more side branches. The guards can be solid and decorated with grotesque faces, animals or plant motifs, or they can be perforated. Typically they will have a thumb-ring attached on the left underside of the guard. Blades can be either double or single edged.

The 'Amsterdam' Walloon sword, named because of the Amsterdam Coat of Arms invariably found stamped into the ricasso, is a very distinct sub-type that features a perforated asymmetrical disk guard decorated with pierced suns surrounded by moons. It is finished by a short upturned rear quillon. They have a single knuckle bow which is fixed to the ball pommel by a screw and a thumb-ring on the left side that extends out to the edge of the guard. The grip is wrapped with wire and finished at both ends with a 'Turks head' knot. The blades are long, double edged with a single fuller at the base. They are invariably stamped with triple Xs under a crown Coat of Arms for Amsterdam. The surviving examples are very uniform for this period in time, making it is possible that this was the first European pattern sword produced.

While the link to Amsterdam is clear in the markings, it is unlikely that this type of sword was issued to the cities guard or militia. The number of surviving examples indicate that these were made in too large quantities to have been issued to a small localised force.

During the 17th Century, The Netherlands was a republic of seven provinces. And rather than a standing national army, each province would have supplied and maintained their own levies in times of war. One possibility is that these swords were supplied to the cavalry of the Province of Holland, of which Amsterdam was the economic capital.

Another theory is that the French experience of 'Walloon' swords, encountered during their war with the Dutch in 1672 to 1673. Dissatisfied with their current cavalry swords, French King Louis XIV ordered that his cavalry be equipped with a new sword of the 'Walloon' type. This is discussed in an article in the French magazine Gazette des Armes. However that doesn't explain the presence of the Amsterdam Coat of Arms on these swords. Then again, Amsterdam was a major mercantile center for Europe, and it is possible that the French order was brokered by Dutch merchants who placed their mark on the blades when they arrived from Solingen.

It should also be noted that the Amsterdam mark is often accompanied by the Solingen blade smiths' own mark. On this sword the makers mark is mostly obscured by the guard, but you can just make out the top of a crown at the ricasso (the horizontal stamp is another verson of the Dutch markings).

In the hand, this is a beast of a sword, the grip and guard are large to accommodate gloves and the blade is very long, suitable for fighting from horseback. But despite its' proportions, it is not a heavy or unwieldy sword.

Stats: Overall Length - 1,080 mm Blade Length - 920 mm Point of Balance - 120 mm Grip Length - 145 mm Inside Grip Length - 120 mm Weight - 990 grams

[theresattrpgforthat]

Any RPGs (/settings / supplements) that you know of that have a set of mechanics based on harvesting parts of slain monsters for various effects? I just think that would be a neat system to throw into an OSR type game :)

THEME: Monster Recycling

Hello friend! I had a lot of fun putting together game recommendations for this, I've seen a few games inspired by Monster Hunter and I definitely see the appeal!

Monster Guts, by Wheels Within Wheels Publishing.

Welcome to MONSTER GUTS, a tabletop roleplaying game, Illuminated by LUMEN, that draws from your favorite monster-hunting video games.

This book has rules to build your scavenger, pick a starting weapon and friendly companion critter, and then go out hunting giant monsters!

Set in a post-capitalism world where monsters bio-engineered to extract resources have destroyed much of the world, you must hunt these creatures to sustain your village, one of the few settlements in the Pacific Northwest to have survived. You'll also harvest tags that you can slot into your weapons and garb to power up your scavenger.

Monster Guts is LUMEN, so expect cinematic action with effective moves that feel more and more powerful as you level up. It’s made a bit of a splash on Itch.io due to its ability to replicate the feeling of the Monster Hunter video game. Your character classes take the form of weapons, with different stats and special abilities. There are also tags that can be added on to them as you slay monsters for their parts. When it comes to the backstory, the lore focuses on a small village, trying to survive in a world of monsters that they once created. Once again, the enemy is capitalism.

Butchers & Beasties, by Kerobuki.

A Monster Hunter-like TTRPG hacked from a mixture of Emiel Boven's DURF  and the creator’s own projects.

Butchers & Beasties is a bare-bones, rules-only draft of a monster-hunting game. It uses dice pools of d6’s and staggered successes for basic conflict resolution. Inventory is important in this game - you have limited inventory slots and you also have to choose where you’re going to store your equipment - will you keep your lantern in your pack, and have to dig it out every time you use it, or will you store it on your belt for easy access? You also choose a role for your character, which grants you with base items. There’s rules for traps. weapons, ailments and elements, which gives the play group a broad set of possible combinations to factor in when hunting beasts. Overall, if you’re looking for an OSR-friendly game this is probably a great place to start, as everything in here looks like a tool set that you’ll need to pick up with an play around with a bit to see just how much it can do.

After the Great Beast, by Harper Jay.

You are a Hunter, and great beasts are threatening your village. Gather your weapon and your friends, and defend your home. Along the way, you will gather materials, craft traps and potions, and maintain your weapon, all while following the great beast's tracks.

After The Great Beast is a Breathless game inspired by the Monster Hunter franchise. 

I am so so excited about this game. After the Great Beast is Breathless, which means that it provides you with a limited number of resources, which deplete as you play. You can stop to refresh your resources, but in the process you let time get away from you - and that means your problems get bigger. I think it has a lot of potential for a satisfying loop of play, and I’m impressed at the size of this game. A lot of the Breathless games I’ve looked at in the past are under 10 pages, but After The Great Beast is over 20! This is because of the extra tools differentiating weapons, special effects, world details and beast rules. There’s even a little bestiary and advice on how to set up an adventure for this kind of game. If you want lots of different pieces to play with and a setting that’s already laid out for you a little bit, then I’d recommend checking out After The Great Beast.

Wilderfeast, by Horrible Guild.

Wilderfeast is an RPG about becoming part of the natural world by making it part of you.

Players assume the role of “wilders”: monster hunters/chefs who wield gargantuan kitchen implements and gain powerful mutations from each monster they eat. Using those powers, they seek harmony between humanity and the wild.

All creatures, be they humans or monsters, obey the One Law of the One Land…

YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT.

Wilderfeast is a game about hunting and cooking monsters, with tactical game mechanics for the hunting portion of the game, and narrative prompts for the cooking portions. This is a game in which an eldritch virus has made kaiju-like monsters frenzied and dangerous. Your characters have discovered that killing and feeding on these monsters gives them interesting mutations. I think this game has a lot of promise, because it gives you both the chance to puzzle through combat and feel competent when you fight, while also giving you tools that give the in-between scenes narrative weight - you even partake in a ritual before eating that allows you to thank the monster for its gift!

If you want to take a deeper look at Wilderfeast, you can check out their Quickstart for free, and listen to Dave Thaumvore’s review.

[flameswallower]

Briar's Favorite First Time Reads of 2023!

I read sixty or so books (start to finish) for the first time this year, which is pretty average for me. I liked most of them pretty well, since if I dislike a book I usually won't finish it. But there were some stand outs, which I'm going to list here.

First up: NOVELS!

Pseudotooth, by Verity Holloway (2017) is the first portal fantasy coming of age novel I've read in a long, long time that I found genuinely charming. It has a very dark Gothic edge to it, with shades of Gormenghast and Edward Gorey making for a uniquely unsettling and bleak fantasy world. The novel also deals frankly and seriously with themes of ableism, eugenics, medical abuse, xenophobia, socio-economic class, rape/sexual abuse, and the psychic fallout of rape/sexual abuse. But it's got a lot of whimsical absurdist humor to it, too, and a deep humanist compassion for its characters. The three young adults at the center of the story are all quite likeable, and though they are involved in a kind of love triangle, I found the particulars of it refreshingly queer, strange, and not the primary focus of the story.

The Marigold, by Andrew F. Sullivan (2023) is a pitch-dark, stone cold bummer that is also frequently hilarious and emotionally moving in tender ways that took me by surprise. In this dystopian satire, a bunch of down-and-out relatable characters and one horrible rich guy struggle to survive as near-future Toronto is engulfed by "the Wet"-- a sapient mold-based hive mind accidentally created by the depravity and greed of big business. The residents of the titular condominium/apartment complex feature in short vignettes that demonstrate the despair and alienation people suffer under late stage capitalism, and the way the Wet calls to these people, lures them in, hunts them.

The Open Curtain, by Brian Evenson (2006) is a harrowing nightmare about madness, violence, possession, Mormonism, and the destabilization of one's known reality (well, see also "madness"). It's a type of story that could easily feel shlocky and exploitative of people with certain mental disorders, or just predictable (there are some plot twists you'll guess very quickly if you've ever like...read books or seen movies before...), but Evenson's unornamented yet masterful prose, his meticulous attention to detail, and his non-condescending empathy for both victims of violence and people struggling with delusions, violent impulses, etc. make it rise above those potential problems. At least in my opinion! This one's very disturbing, will definitely leave you feeling like shit.

Hummingbird Salamander, by Jeff VanderMeer (2021) is very emotionally moving and a suspenseful, well-plotted eco-noir page turner! Also a bummer, but leaves one feeling awe and hope and determination as well as mourning the devastating loss of life that climate change has wrought. The protagonist is great, a truly unusual and unlikely detective. I loved her voice-- like any good noir hero, she can throw off a legitimately funny sarcastic quip with the best of them, but she's also prone to astute social observations and flights of breathtaking lyricism.

How to Get Over the End Of the World, by Hal Schrieve (2023) is a TRAGICALLY under-promoted and underrated punk rock magical realist YA masterpiece about trans high schoolers, and their dysfunctional adult mentors, putting on a rock opera to save their community center. This one, unlike most of what I read, is NOT EVEN KIND OF A BUMMER. It's delightful and hilarious from start to finish, though it's definitely not saccharine-sweet or afraid of conflict. In fact, it deals quite bluntly and refreshingly with topics ranging from the relationship one character has with his violent, abusive father, to sexual relationships between teenagers, to the ever-looming awareness of climate change. Every major character is trans! Every single one!! This is kind of a spoiler, but, like, not really lol

Sudden Glory, by Hal Johnson (2023) just goes to show that guys named Hal can really write comic novels. This book has perhaps the highest joke-to-paragraph ratio of anything I’ve ever read, and also probably the most varied types of joke: a person whose sense of humor runs to preposterous situation comedy, slapstick, and lowbrow sexual humor will find a lot to like here, and so will someone whose sense of humor runs to moderately esoteric literary/historical references, social satire, five-layer wordplay, and Wildean bon mots. Since it’s set in the New York City of 2003, there’s even room for a few 9/11 jokes, which could not have appeared without controversy in a book actually published in 2003. This slightly "politically incorrect" edge comes off as good-natured and in keeping with Johnson's commitment to absurdism-- there's never a "laughing at" vibe, more one of "laughing with" human folly, futility, pretensions, etc. At base, this is a story about a person who feels he can't tell the truth or be himself for fear of social rejection, and all the trouble that gets him into.

Piranesi, by Susanna Clarke (2020) is fucking gorgeous, probably one of my favorite books of all time now, this hole was made for me, etc. I can't reasonably expect that most others will have as intense a response to it as I did-- I felt it perfectly conveyed some very important and difficult to articulate things about, like, my personal experience of consciousness, and my experience as a person with certain types of neurological/cognitive/developmental disability navigating the world, through a kind of fabulist prism. But it got great reviews, so, you know, give it a shot! I think it's better not to know anything about it going in, but let me just say, if you're into weird, massive labyrinthine buildings, this hole might also have been made for you.

Devil House, by John Darnielle (2022) is exactly the novel you'd expect "the Mountain Goats guy" to write, in all the best possible ways. It's a story that elevates the inner lives of neurodivergent outsider teens to the mythic heights they deserve. It's a story that brutally critiques the true crime industry. It's a story about the problems of defining people exclusively by their victimhood, or exclusively by the worst thing they ever did. It's a story about the importance of having a little space to oneself, a shelter from the demands and threats of an often cruel world, and the lengths to which a person will go to defend such a shelter if it's broached. Also, there's a long, nauseating section about how it's actually really difficult and gross to chop up a human corpse for disposal.

[chaifootsteps]

Re: Dave’s tweet about an indie award show.

I think it was well-intentioned but I absolutely agree with his new tweet about it that it should be more of a showcase.

WhTever people were being asshats in the replies can fuck off—but I think there’s a very real problem in indie and it’s kind of simple: indie is too personal right now. And there are layers to that.

All art is personal : indie feels more personal than mainstream because everyone has to market Themselves as an individual and being online means everyone has more direct or personal access to you : if you’re young or inexperienced you’re unlikely to have the professionalism or patience required to carry yourself or your project’s production which can result in a looonnnggg laundry list of potential spin-outs and drama.

You can look at video essays of just about ANY failed product/project/kickstarter and have a glimpse into what happens every time someone steps forward with a dream and no experience or maturity to handle the weight of it.

More experienced or generally mature/professional creators know how to handle their productions and their feelings. Such as Tracy, Goose, and Zeurel.

But there’s a MASSIVE population of too-young and/or too-inexperienced indie creators who are impatient and sensitive (and frankly there’s also people involving themself in the indie scene who aren’t creators, akin to “idea guys” who want to make their own “”studios”” or self-proclaimed “journalists” who want to capitalize on the indie interest via video essays.)

Basically what I’m trying to say is indie as a whole is fine but the current climate of the community is extremely under-developed and inexperienced and is comparable to getting really excited about the concept of surviving in a forest but only running in with a dream and a backpack of basics, without any of the physical or mental preparation or experience with survival skills to actually survive or to even enjoy it.

Anyway this was a long-winded way of saying trying to start indie events like award shows is well-intentioned but I don’t think the indie community is mature enough for that right now.

There’s like this unspoken expectation to support or include any indie production no matter what level they’re at just because they’re indie and if you don’t people take it personal and/or start shit-talking.

But the reality is vetting is still important. There are L O T of amateurs in indie who might mean well that can appear impressive with how high excitement and interest in indie is right now—but they don’t realize (or can’t accept that) they aren’t ready. They wanna make the dream happen NOW.

They aren’t actually seasoned enough to see their idea through, run their production efficiently, or carry themselves maturely.

A showcase is a much better step forward in my opinion. Unofficial awards and “top 5 indie series” type posts from random Twitter accounts trying to establish themselves as an authority/news network/hub for animation that are run by people either too unaware/biased/easily swayed, or far too young, are only creating unnecessary divide and isolated storms of drama.

Especially since people don’t realize most of indie is still isolated in its own bubble. “I can’t believe I got shouted out by this random Twitter with INDIE and NEWS in its name I’m so honored—“ and the post itself has very low engagement or has only been engaged with people already on indie’s side, it’s own bubble. I’m not saying the community can’t celebrate itself, just that it needs to be a little more self-aware and analytical instead of blindly trusting and outpouring their whole soul at every slight expression of interest because there are already small fires and spin-outs occurring that result from that very naivety.

Such as an “online convention” that popped up for indie series to join via a Discord server that turned out to be being run by a literal 17-year-old who then got called out for running it like shit and letting people post/say 18+ stuff despite it being in the rules to not do that.

CartoonBase which occasionally makes unresearched biased or interaction-bait posts about indie productions.

Or a 19-year-old running another indie news type of account that jumped onto the Ang drama without knowing the full story.

Sorry, this got long and rambly and kinda turned into a vent lmao. TL;DR we love indie but a large percentage of indie needs to calm down and slow down.

Nah, these are some very good thoughts. Thank you for this.

[theoreticallysensible]

Okay so my first post is going to be about the link between capitalism and existential angst, which is the most on brand thing possible for me, so if you like this there’ll be much more of it and if not… sorry. 😅

I’ve always had a proclivity for angsty existentialism. Multiple times a housemate has found me sprawled on a sofa moping about the meaning of life which sounds really pretentious but idk I feel like on some level that’s just being a student. And it’s that material side of it that’s got me curious recently like - were these anxieties just a result of the kind of individualistic, listless existence a student inhabits? There’s probably a reason the stereotypes of angst are people with enough wealth to avoid work but not enough respect or expectations to have a solid idea about what they should be doing: Percy Shelley, Lord Byron, Søren Kierkegaard, etc.

In the first volume of his Critique of Everyday Life, Henri Lefebvre calls out Kierkegaard specifically as a prime example of bourgeoise alienation, the result of which was literally creating existentialist philosophy - the idea that we have to create meaning for ourselves by force of will and taking a leap of faith. Lefebvre claims that existential angst is always a result of some sort of alienation. When Marx formulated alienation as the psychological suffering we experience when we are separation from ourselves, each other, the products of our labour, and nature, he was thinking about the way the working class are made to suffer under capitalism, but Lefebvre expands the theory beyond this. He describes how alienation is always relative and present in all types of society for all people within it. Alienation is not just a result of individualism and exploitation - it also presents itself when we feel too far from someone we love, and when we are mystified by the natural world. Crucially, we are alienated when we become detached from the fact that we are dependent on others for our survival, something common to all the bourgeoisie.

Acknowledging this dependency would make us aware of the injustice of how these responsibilities are distributed (according to class, gender, race, etc.), and getting past the separation would require a radical change in lifestyle involving the rejection of the serving of the individual self so integral to bourgeoise morality. It’s hard! But with the lines between proletariat and bourgeoisie becoming more and more blurred with the expansion of the middle class, recognising this particularly bourgeoise suffering is important, I think, if we want to articulate a reason more people can get behind to resist capitalism.

People suffer when they’re separated from people, when their material existence feels so isolated and insignificant that they have to rely on spirituality to give them any sense of grounding, but are unable to be confident in their beliefs so can only ever relate to religion through anxiety (both my best friends speak of religion in this way, and before I read Lefebvre I was tempted to join them because it sounded better than the nihilism I was struggling with). Seriously, read any Kierkegaard and you will know he was not a happy guy. He wrote book called The Concept of Anxiety, and Fear and Trembling for God’s sake. He’s not okay! 🥺 But poor Søren might have been okay if he’d been a bit less self obsessed, acknowledged the value of *inter*subjectivity rather than pure responsibility, and actually married his fianceé rather than worrying about his independent morality, which was really just arrogance. I sound mean but I love him really. He’s very entertaining and *painfully* relatable.

But this is why I find Simone de Beauvoir to be the absolute best of the existentialist canon, because she recognises the need for recognition and connection, even for the powerful. In The Ethics of Ambiguity, she writes about how even tyrants suffer in hierarchical societies because they can never know authentic respect, since people always see their power and the threat implicit in it rather than their whole humanity. This doesn’t mean that we should never violently resist tyranny, because individualism is hard to overcome, even when it’s self-sabotaging, but awareness of this could get more people on the side of equality. This idea is apparently supported empirically in The Spirit Level, by Richard Wilkinson and Kate Pickett, but I haven’t read that one yet. I like to put it in Spinozist terms: the satisfaction of one desire can be excessive when it blinds us to our other needs and presents us from feeling other forms of joy.

On how it can be overcome though, I think Judith Butler offers an interesting frame for thinking about it. Though they’re best known for their work on the social construction of gender, my favourite book of theirs is Giving An Account of Oneself, where they write about how our mental life is a product of all our previous experiences, especially with other people. This seems obvious on some level, but it really undermines individualism. In particular, it deconstructs the distinction between attacking parts of yourself and attacking other people. If our internal and external lives are so interlinked, is it really surprising if attacking ourselves isolates us? Recognising that other people are in some sense present within us is conducive to greater intimacy, and though this can be uncomfortable if we dislike part of them, that doesn’t make it less true, and recognising this can make us more compassionate with everything within us. Self-hatred and hatred of others are intimately connected, and they reinforce each other.

I like to think of the relationship between different parts of myself in terms of Deleuze and Guattari’s machinic unconscious, where our minds are made up of interlocking parts from the larger social context. I think differ though in wanting to negotiate and find equilibrium between them rather than experimenting by letting certain parts go to extremes to make change though. I like the way Jacques Derrida writes about it in The Politics of Friendship, where to recognise the other in oneself, and so recognise the misalignment within ourselves, requires us to be a friend to oneself, which makes friendship so central that it undercuts any potential narcissism because by loving oneself as an other we learn to love others better (as well ourselves).

This doesn’t address the concrete politics of the situation though. The aspect missing is that we have to think of ourselves as inextricably linked to our social and political systems, part of a historical process, and our feelings about those systems are a very real part of that process, and if we want to be true to ourselves we have to act on those feelings rather than repress them. I’m still working out what that means for myself, and as Lefebvre notes it’s this final hurdle that most people fail at, but we can all try.

That kind of went all over the place, but hopefully it’s understandable and valuable, and if not it was helpful for me to articulate all these ideas that have been swirling around in my head for the past year or so. 😅

[cerastes]

What's that, the Stinkzone Clown gives you trouble? No problem, just let your Emotional Support Shark handle it!

Alright, so, Laurentina's S3, which I see puzzles a few people:

(M3; what I'm using in the video is M2) -> Attack interval increases, attacks all blocked enemies, ATK +260%, Max HP +200%; deal 70% ATK as extra Physical damage when attacking enemies with HP percentage equal to or higher than self, otherwise lose 3% of HP

The huge boost to stats is easy to understand, but there's a bit more nuance to this Skill than is immediately apparent to most people. First of all, let's address the bolded part. If Laurentina attacks an enemy with equal or more HP% than hers, her attack causes 70% extra TOTAL physical damage. It's a massive boost! Notice how her attacks are doing almost double damage when she's at lower HP% than the Clown, compared to her hits after the Clown falls under her HP%. Notice how I didn't activate the Skill until the Clown had taken around half of her HP, so I could actually capitalize on this very sizeable bonus. A wounded Laurentina is a dangerous Laurentina.

Now, the next important part of this skill is the "HP +200%" part: This functionally means she's taking a mere 33% damage from attacks throughout the duration of the Skill, regardless of damage type. This is a massively powerful boost to survivability. Meaning, if you have a good gauge on the boss damage output, you can decide on the best time to activate your "ok I take a third damage and hit you harder than the fist of a wrathful god" mode. Now, that is already very powerful already, but then you consider The Synergy: Gladiia.

Gladiia grants Laurentina 2.5% HP/sec regen. Laurentina's S3 triples her max HP. Since Gladiia's regen buff is percentage based, it functionally triples in strength for Laurentina while S3 is active. This helps make her even bulkier with a powerful regen during upkeep, making it easier to go for even lower percentages of HP before activating S3.

In other words, S3 is a high risk, high reward Skill: Can you go low enough to maximize damage without Laurentina dying? Activate too soon, and your damage will be lacking. Activate too late, you'll have the Nun Form on the map which is less than ideal. Activate at the right time, and you have a dead boss.

There is a visual cue to know when your hits are boosted, by the by.

That blue watery spark effect.

Finally, while very strong already, this skill will become even stronger in the future: Gladiia will eventually have a Module, and at Level 3, it upgrades her 2.5% regen to 3.5% HP regen per sec, and it gives all Abyssal Hunters an unconditional, passive 30% damage reduction against Phys and Arts damage. So not only will you triple your HP, basically receiving only a third of the damage functionally, you are also slashing THAT damage down almost another third, making for a VERY strong Laurentina that can go even lower, that can go even higher risk for higher reward.

Enjoy your Emotional Support Shark, Doctors. Cleave the world asunder. Dreams need not be dreams any longer.

[heroforgeryhemporium]

ULTRAKILL Spoilers.

I've had this idea in my head around my Ultrakill OC version of V3 (which i know plenty of people have done already. this is my take)

The idea is focused around it being the protagonist of a potential "Ultrakill 2". I'll explain more under the cut, because it's all spoilers

------------------------------------------------------------- V3 Type: ??? Data: After the events of the previous 30 hours in which the V1 model wiped out many of the layers of Hell, its successor V2, and the Archangel Gabriel, it ultimately succumbed to the weight of Hell collapsing in on it. Hell Itself, (surviving the exchange, as it always has) lamented on the conquest of V1 and its defeat. Hell did not hate V1 for destroying large portions of it. Hell always knew it would survive. In fact, It adored the machine for bringing such death, such war and mayhem to the deepest pits of Itself. It loved the machine, and it mourned its loss.

War for the sake of war. Death for the sake of death. Fuel for the sake of fuel. Hell loved nothing more than an endless cycle of torment, of death and rebirth eternal. Love, indeed, is all It felt for the fallen machine, now with its cycle of near death and instant refueling come to a close.

When the Great Beast saw its love fall under its own weight, it let out a terrifying shriek. A scream that echoed in horrific and eldritch intensity. A scream of loss, and pain, and love. Its billion tentacles writhing, and Its billion eyes crying, It knew It only had one recourse of action. It created a Vessel, pooling Its unholy energy into a formation directly resembling the V1 model, to create the most agile and defensible Demon ever formed. It transferred Its consciousness into the Vessel, ensuring the fate of Its dimension to be utterly destroyed.

The unspeakably colossal dimension once known as Hell began to erupt without its essence residing inside of it, and the newly formed V3 swiftly made an escape for Purgatory through the pits of Treachery. Barely making its exit, V3 rode the shockwave created by the destruction of Its realm to the top of the now cracking and falling mountain of Purgatory, sure to fall into the empty void of Hell.

The Newborn Goat, The Last Creation, The Null Ouroboros, V3, made a war path to the gates of Heaven, forcing its way inside amidst the pandemonium and Angels reacting to the destruction of the Hell dimension, as well as Purgatory beginning to fall because of it. It began Its final quest to destroy Paradise, bringing the circle of the creation to a close.

IT WILL END AS IT BEGAN; WITH NOTHING. -------------------------------------------------------------

So yeah V3 is Hell taking on the appearance of V1 after it dies as a monument to its conquest because it loved it soooo much. And going on to destroy the place with any life remaining, being Heaven, and eventually fights its own creator in a battle for the fate of the universe. or whats left of it.

Also because It's literally Hell It would have more manipulation of the blood It absorbs, having cool blood wings for increased movement, and tentacles for rapid attacks that don't require Its otherwise occupied arms. I imagine if this was actually a game, it would have a max of 200 health to represent how its stronger and more durable than V1, but this would be balanced by being able to use blood abilities that cost some health.

Anyway Yea I Just Think It's Neat

V3's pronouns are It/Its, capital "i" necessary.

[marlenacantswim]

the recent discussions of "ai art" have had me thinking about Lieutenant Commander Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation, and his attempts at being an artist and creating in various mediums.

In an episode there is a direct discussion about how, despite how when Data plays the violin, he is piecing together the different playing styles of different violinists' interpretations of a piece, he still has his own style because he made the ARTISTIC DECISION to take from those specific recordings and in what ways he would incorporate them. He has something to say with the "collage" he's created for that performance.

And his poetry, that for sure is art! "Ode to Spot" has a message and intent! It conveys a connection between two living creatures through not only its closing stanza, but its mere existence alone! Data wrote a poem about his cat because he finds Spot significant enough to write about!

I think AI art (as AI exists now) is art the way that natural phenomena is art, the way that random chance can create art. It's emergent; it doesn't need to have an artist making it with a goal in mind to be considered art. HOWEVER, in this same vein, I don't believe that "ai artists" (the ones punching words into generators) are artists at all. I think they are people exploiting ai's capacity to create emergent artwork, and in the process devaluing that type of art by removing the rarity and randomness of emergence.

With this logic, I think it's more accurate to classify "AI Artists" as customers commissioning the real ai artists (the ai program itself) to make art for them, except any fees are minimal, and in many cases they feel a larger sense of creative ownership than they really should. Furthermore, unlike in Star Trek, we in the current day operate under the system of capitalism to such an extent that allowing every human the right to survive needs to be the foremost concerning factor on any discussion like this. The foremost truth is that there is an entire class of profession that will see their craft and product and SOUL exploited without ever gaining a cent from it.

AI art as it stands today is only valuable for its cheapness and speed. Without the restraints placed upon the zeitgeist by capitalism, there's no question that the vast majority of people would still see the inherent artistic and esoteric value in human-made art over ai generated art and would still happily engage with it as a first choice. Once ai gains sentience though, there's an entirely different debate to be had over what art they decide to create and what merit it has in that sphere.

That's the great thing about Data, honestly: You want to call the things he makes "art" because he has reasons for making it. Every piece he crafts, word he writes, note he plays, it's all in service of his journey to become human, to understand humanity, to gain from expression. "Ode to Spot" illicits in one the same feelings as that child's poem about the tiger escaping its enclosure, or the mother cat eating a ball of yarn and birthing kittens all wearing sweaters, because much like a child, Data too is exploring what it means to express and the methods one can use to do so. "Ode to Spot" and those oddly sublime child-authored poems are both examples of emergent artwork, even though the artists had intent when making them, because that intent is so new and undefinable, that oftentimes it doesn't create that profound response we're used to. This is responsible for the childlike-quality the works possess.

If you haven't already, I recommend watching Kurtis Conner's video about artificial intelligence: he's engaging and funny, so you don't have to be an intellectual to understand what he's saying or doing, and throughout the video he reflects upon the ai's ability to unintentionally convey humor, which I think ties into what I'm saying about ai's ability to create quality through emergence, just in terms of effective humor instead of meaningful art.

I'd love to engage in further discussion about this topic! If you come across this, happen to read it, and have thoughts, please! Feel free to share them!

[jeremy-ken-anderson]

Survival Genre

Surviving the Game as a Barbarian is a good series so far. The character has bumped up against both the limits of his knowledge in terms of, "I know a bunch of stuff about the isekai I've been dropped into but it's still a random-seed style game so I'm not some God of Destiny" and also in terms of "I know how things work when it's a game but it turns out drinking healing potions is intensely painful."

Having watched the first episode of Black Summoner yesterday, I feel a strong appreciation for how Surviving the Game as a Barbarian maintains stakes.

And...maybe that's an unfair comparison.

Back when 3rd Edition D&D was dying down, I got the Dungeon Master's Guide 2, which contained some of the most broadly useful gamemastering advice in a game manual. That was where they broke down the players into types, with ideas for how to make them happy:

The Supercooler plays to be awesome. Play up his hits, maybe even play up his misses as mighty swings the opponent just barely slides under.

The Tactician plays to see their plans come to fruition. Give them points in the story where they have advance warning of events and ways to capitalize on that.

The Troublemaker plays to act out in a safe environment. Give them an aside now and then where they can Fuck Around and Find Out.

The Explorer plays to imagine a grand journey. Describe your vistas and the wonders of where they're going.

The Lurker plays to spend time with friends and isn't comfortable getting into the game. Make their turns as uncomplicated as possible, and give them ways their in-game actions can make the other players happy.

There are three or four more, but you get the idea. When it came out I thought the DMG2 was the worst game book I'd ever read; It had almost nothing as far as new classes and monsters and...but at this point I'm thinking it was one of the best. It was teaching lessons about All Gamemastering.

Anyway imagine a similar list of gamer types for videogames. Now you can see that stories like Surviving the Game as a Barbarian are stories that play on the kind of gamer who wants to optimize. They want the main character to face impossible odds and win, which is not the same as someone telling us "That's a Tier-8 Angel" and then having the protagonist scoff and say, "Then I'll cast a Tier-9 Banishment!" and immediately win. "Facing impossible odds" is based on relative level.

But as I've said elsewhere, there's an entire subgenre of isekai these days that is based around people who escape into games in order to relax. In the isekai this escape is more explicit, but the desire is clearly the same. They want to do everything in the game the easy way. They start off with ridiculous power, and while the writer may include a token effort to show difficulty it doesn't last because it's not the point.

Anyway if you like to see your protagonist challenged, Surviving the Game as a Barbarian is quite good. It's had some hard stuff but thus far (in my opinion; Your mileage may vary) manages to skirt the line and not quite fall into Misery Porn territory. At the present point in the story, things are tough but manageable. So in spite of its minor visual similarities to Fear and Hunger (I really wonder whether any concepts were inspired by that cruel game) this isn't a particularly cruel narrative so far. And while I could be wrong I don't get the impression that the author's planning to murder all the lovable background characters. I think this will be a proper adventure, with the hero pulling and scraping to make gains and become more powerful, and then face off against incrementally more powerful foes. Which is a good vibe, if you're a certain kind of reader.

[norondor]

I'm not sure it's possible to get a bingo with this card but pick any or all of Nearl/Siege/Horn and give me your Opinions

it IS possible to get a bingo! but you may not like me after this.

NEARL

Nearl is such a fucking chad. the first real events i got to do anything with when i started last year were the maria nearl rerun/pinus sylvestris/near light trilogy and holy shit. after being only mildly plussed by her in the intro chapters, nearl became a favorite almost immediately. I don't usually love super chivalrous knight type characters, they're fine, i have no particular bias towards them, but marge is a really well realized modern version of this trope that lands super well with all we see of kazimierz and its hellish culture. obviously as a huge lesbian i was immediately enchanted by her behavior in her event, the dance with liz melted my heart, the homoerotic light and darkness sword duel with viviana made me go insane, she's SO COOL dealing with the blood knight... i wasn't that into the kazimierz plot to start with but nearl (and flametail!) made it my second-favorite subplot in the game all on her own. red circle above is because i cannot tell, due to my somewhat insular choice of fan circles, whether the general fanon is that she's in a poly thing with the Followers or something stupider and more wrong than that; if that's the take, we have a bingo! If not, move that circle over to "everyone but me is wrong."

I know people don't like her staying in kazimierz, but if i can drop a hot take -- and i can, it's my fucking blog and you've chosen to be here, sucker -- i actually like the vibe in near light that you cannot just stride in and crush societal ills and overthrow Capital just like that. helping people is still meaningful; doing the work of dismantling oppression is meaningless without making sure people survive to do it in the first place. her decision comes from a place of altruism and care for the people of her homeland, not from a misguided belief that she can work from within to change the cops or whatever the fuck. i get with that; it's a different character motivation than i'm used to and i'm really for it. moving the decimal place still matters to the people who will survive because you did, and that's what nearl and the doctor are doing the whole time in near light.

SIEGE

I'm sorry. idk her at all. I've never pulled her, only used her once, and i haven't started episode 10 yet (SORRY) -- i expect this rating to change when i DO know more about her but right now i'm just scared they'll do some lame shit True King Returns plotline with her and somehow make act 2 worse than it started out. she's hotter than all fuck though.

HORN

Second blonde woman bingo! Anyway you can unfollow me now if you wanna.

I'm sorry to be so hard on her but again; having completed episode 9 but not yet started 10+ i despise her. my dear friend @deneviere put it well yesterday; they tried to make her the sympathetic authority figure in ep9 but she is, objectively, here to do some bootboy shit, so what she really is is a massive centrist. no, horn, i DIDN'T consider that trying to preserve a culture under threat of ethnocide could damage unity in the imperial core, because i'm not a fucking imperialist. shut the fuck up, you dumb dog.

It's entirely possible a lot of her bad writing is a symptom of ep9 just being a complete shitshow overall; her interactions with Hamilton Von Racist are incredibly fucking pointless for what actually goes down in them, and the ending after 9-19 was so cartoonishly stupid i couldn't even be angry (this is a lie). she's still very hot and stupid overpowered as an operator, but i'm leaving Horn at level 1 forever because i already have Ashlock leveled, and also i hate her. this rating is also subject to change but, uh, we'll see.

[sophieinwonderland]

About the plural artists conversation:

For those who have worries about being at a normal job with a singlet boss, there's a great video about this in the archives of the Plural Positivity World Conference, "2022 Working while Plural Accommodations, Automations, and Disclosure in the workplace"

It's possible to get free/pay-what-you-can tickets for each year's PPWC conference and then afterwards they send an email with a link to give you access to recording from previous years. Highly recommend

But also, yeah. The thing is, I have a LOT of experience with enduring sustained ostracism/harassment/abuse, and grew up thinking that I might as well put my resilience in that area "to good use" in some way (eg I grew up witnessing women politicians getting hounded by the press, and it looked pretty similar to what I was already tolerating in school, so I thought, I could endure that treatment in a job and maybe get some improvements underway). But also, at the actual time that you're busy Enduring, it's really hard to tell just how much it's affecting you, and in retrospect, I did develop good survival skills for that type of scenario, but I also developed CPTSD. If I faced the risk of publicity and hatred again, could it be "finding meaning" in my experiences and reinforcing my strengths as part of healing? Or would it turn into reliving past bad experiences and exacerbating things, making it harder to heal? There's no way of predicting how it would affect me.

So it's a question that I don't have an answer to, either. We should push for a world where succeeding in view of the public eye does not carry an implicit threat, and that project of social change requires a certain amount of openness. Like you don't get a queer civil rights movement if barely anyone comes out.

But also, one thing that I've been contemplating recently is the idea that our choices of how to behave depend on the social context that we're in. And there's a big difference between social spaces where people are trying to live genuinely and with equality and compassion, and social spaces where there's an inherent power imbalance that never really goes away no matter how nicely/ethically the specific people are. And in this capitalist society, with no universal basic income or meaningful safety net, any situation where you're trying to get paid is a situation where you are underneath someone in a power hierarchy, whether you're dealing with a boss or a customer or both. The consequences of poverty create power imbalance. Starhawk writes about this more coherently than I am right now, but you know what I mean.

It's one thing to love having plurality as part of your online identity, where you've got some degree of control over who you engage with, and whether you engage with them at all, because the social context is building a nice community online. But yeah, loving that experience is one thing, but the second money and dependence come into it, you're dealing with a different social context so the decision to be openly plural has a different meaning.

When it comes to surviving under capitalism, you definitely just gotta do what you gotta do. "Branding" is a matter of surviving under capitalism, and so is "controversy-as-promotion" - like, they're both just hollow strategies and I feel like in a way it's completely interchangeable - if you're not free to be genuine, and you have to pick a strategy for survival, then they're all equally bad options in way, because your hand is forced. It's hard to feel good about a decision when that decision was made in awareness of the threat of hatred and/or poverty, for me at least, I feel like no matter what way I end up going, the power and implicit threats set up by society mean that it's a coerced choice and not one made freely.

I feel like I'm sort of rambling, but this is something I think about a lot. My current life plan (and we'll see how that goes, lol) is to write under a penname, because my writing is an area where I want to be genuine and break away from self-censorship; but also, my Plan A is to have other jobs as my main income, so I'm not dependent on writing. For me, that feels important, I think I'll do much better and more meaningful, truthful work as a writer if I can distance that work from the fears and threats and coercion that are impossible to remove from paid work under capitalism. I don't know if I'm explaining this well. I feel like, when it's an unbalanced power situation, you can retain greater dignity and greater freedom to make choices without coercion if you lean heavily on having privacy. So in situations where I need to think about "making money" it becomes necessary to think about professionalism, branding, etc and so there's more self-censorship, and less genuine freedom of choice.

I already sort of have a split between "fandom creative work that can't be monetised" and "other creative work that is safe to mention to colleagues without weird reactions" so it feels natural to me to have multiple avenues for presenting things. I'm planning to publish things under my legal name that I wouldn't mind being seen if I was googled by a boss or landlord. Then the penname(s) can allow for more freedom and authenticity and creativity, for the "meaningful" work that I want to do as a writer or artist, where it would be nice to get money but it's not intended to be commercial.

Of course, I don't know how this will work in reality, since it requires both having time and having time-management skills to be doing multiple avenues of work at once - a lot of people end up finding that the pressure for commercial creation leaves them with no time to make their important art. I hope I won't get too stuck in that type of rut. But I feel pretty good about the idea of being a writer/artist who also has a day job part-time, and then going full "professionalism and privacy and strategically negotiating power imbalances" in the day job, so I've got room to go "full authenticity" in the creative stuff, without those psychological effects of being totally shackled to public opinion of my personal art for food and housing. I'm speaking as someone who has not yet really got an actual career off the ground, but anyway these are my thoughts about how I'm going to go about it in the future, and I feel pretty okay about this as a plan.

That sounds like a solid plan to me! And this is just an excellent post all around!

If anyone is interested in the video, I think I found it here.

[callsignbaphomet]

@apothecaryforwearysouls

You know what? Yeah, I like that idea so let's go! Since Jela's been through 3, NV and 4 I'm just gonna mention all since technically he lived through it all. Sort of.

Fallout 3:

Kay, so the exposure to many factions is super limited 'cause during this time he was just a little kid and a very sheltered one at that. Most of his time was spent with Loke who pretty much taught him what Sanaa and Ingvarr taught Loke. Also Loke was super paranoid during this time so he didn't really let him out of his sight for long periods of time. So like I said, his exposure to most factions here is limited to hearsay and rumors.

The Family - he thinks they're weird. Not much else to say.

Enclave - all he knows about the Enclave is that his mom was part of this group and she ran away from it. He miiiiiiight have family within the Enclave though he doubts any of them survived.

Brotherhood of Steel - knows what everyone else knows and even goes so far as to think of them as like super heroes like the ones in comic books. He heard of Lyons and how a vault dweller had joined them to help a group of people clean the water so everyone could have clean drinking. He was honestly in awe of them. At some point he wanted to join when he was old enough.

Brotherhood Outcasts - he wasn't aware that was a thing. We're gonna dig deeper into this later.

Paradise Falls/Slavers - they make his skin crawl. Obviously he never interacted with any of them but he heard stories of them and what they do and obviously Loke taught him to be vigilant. He absolutely hates slavers, it's right up there with people who hate ghouls.

Abolitionists - obviously has heard of them and wondered why more people didn't lend a hand. Even at 18 he hopes they made it to somewhere safe or at the very least people started to help them.

Big town - town run by and occupied by older kids? He really wanted to visit the place. To be honest, the tales he heard were far more fantastical than the reality of it.

Little Lamplight - equally as fascinated by them as he was with Big Town though he didn't know as much.

Regulators - from what he and the other kids heard from Lucas Simms (I'm aware Simms doesn't talk about them ingame, it's just a headcanon) they sounded like a pretty neat group. He didn't really wanna join but he found them interesting nonetheless.

Littlehorn & Associates - saw it as a stuck up and snobby knockoff of the Talon Company.

Reilly's Rangers - oh, he definitely heard of them and he definitely wanted to join 'em. Getting to explore the Wasteland and get up to all sorts of adventures and trouble? Yeah, sign him the fuck up!

Talon Company - they're mercs. He didn't feel any which way about 'em.

Republic of Dave - who the fuck is Dave?

Tenpenny - he heard about Tenpenny from travelers and people talking about trying to get into the tower. His opinion on the old bastard? He thinks he's a fucking fitte.

Underworld - he actually wanted to visit IF the residents were okay with it. He likes ghouls, he and his friends would visit Gob frequently and would keep him company.

Three Dog - not a faction but still has an opinion on him. He thinks the dude's a clown. Like, yeah, he's sitting pretty in his station, guarded by BoS, talking about the "good fight" (he didn't know what that meant as a kid, hell, Loke doesn't really get it either) but not actually helping or doing anything really. He doesn't like him at all.

Children of Atom - they creep him out. He tends to stay clear of them. He wasn't raised under any type of religious beliefs.

New Vegas:

Around this time he's a teenager and to be honest he loved NV better than Capital Wasteland.

NCR - see, he's conflicted. On the one hand his bio dad was NCR at some point and what little Ingvarr told Loke about it he then told Jelani and he thought it was neat but felt there was just too much politics stringing the group. His opinion changed when the incident with Iain happened and he realized why his bio dad left the group in the first place. NCR ranger outfits were awesome and he wanted to get his hands on one and he did.

Caesar's Legion - a bunch of filthy fucking slavers and every single one he saw he made sure to put a .50 in their skulls. As far as he's concerned they should all be wiped off the face of the planet.

Robert House - he's only heard rumors of House. Which ones were true and which weren't was hard to say. He kinda likes that there's this mythological person running The Strip from behind the scenes.

Yes Man - ((he isn't the courier so there wouldn't be any logical way or reason for him to know who Yes Man is so we're skipping this one.))

Boomers - like others he thought they were hiding something. Why would you go to so much trouble and be so adamant on blowing up everyone that approached the base if you didn't have anything to hide? Part of him was curious to see if he could make it past the bombs. Some of his friends would often hype themselves up and dare each other to see if anyone could make it across without blowing themselves up. Loke forbade him from partaking in such a ridiculously and dangerois dare.

Brotherhood of Steel - still felt the same about them as he did back in DC. He never interacted with anyone from the BoS but he heard that a small number of them were hiding out in New Vegas somewhere.

Followers of the Apocalypse - if it weren't for the FotA he would've died from that flu and sinus infection he got. But if he hadn't gotten sick Loke would've never gone to them for help and he never would've met Uthorim. For those two reasons he adores the Followers. Also he thought that they were some of the few people that actually did something to make life in the Wasteland better for everyone else. He often felt that many people and factions just talk about making changes but none do and seldom do they do anything to help others.

Great Khans - he's really fond of the Khans mostly because his first boyfriend was actually a Khan himself. He and AJ (Alejandro Javier) instantly got along and formed a tight friendship which escalated to a relationship rather quickly. AJ, some other Khans around their age and some other teenagers from Freeside formed a bit of a group which was mostly led by Jela and AJ. With Jela's training a few of the adult Khans got him, AJ and some of the more bolder Freeside teens of the group to accompany them as hired guns to make deliveries. However, when Papa Khan entertained the idea of siding with Caesar Jelani remained distant. Thankfully some curier that had gotten shot talked Papa Khan out of siding with the slavers and took great joy in learning that the slavers visiting them were killed. Jela then started to hang around them again. When the slavers were hanging around AJ was gonna leave along with some of their other friends. Thankfully it didn't come to that.

Chairmen - no real opinion, he just thinks they talk weird.

White Glove Society - they creep him the fuck out. When news broke out that they were cannibals he was even more creeped out.

Omerta - he doesn't care about 'em at all. The male strippers at Gomorrah though? Yeah, those he and his friends enjoyed. Usually they wouldn't be allowed in but a few bribes every so often meant they paid Gomorrah a visit from time to time.

Jacobstown - he's never actually been there but he heard of it and thinks it's great that non-hostile super mutants can have a safe place to call home.

Powder Gangers - raiders but with explosives and disorganized as hell. Has a bet going with his friends on how long it'll take 'em to blow themselves up.

Freeside - he and his dad live there and they actually get along with everyone in there. Sorta feels like both fit right in and some of the teenagers from there made up part of his group of friends. Much more fun then where they lived in DC for sure.

Kings - eh...he doesn't care but finds the way they talk annoying.

Gun Runners - (not a faction but I'm gonna count it as one) every time he and Loke go there to buy ammo, parts or weapons he acts like a kid in a candy/toy store. He fucking loves the Gun Runners.

The Think Tank - he's heard rumors from all sorts of people. Has no idea who to believe or who is telling the truth. Always wanted to check it out for himself but Loke thought it was too dangerous.

Fallout 4:

Here a lot of his views and opinions on factions are harsher due to his situation. He's bitter, depressed, suicidal and very fucking angry so depending on things is how he'll view each faction.

The Institute - he's 81% sure people in Boston made that shit up. If it turns out it's real he'd hate the fuck out of them. All that technology to make life better in the Wasteland and they do nothing with it.

The Railroad - oh boy, where to begin...on the one hand he feels like they're doing something great by helping synths escape and find a new life. Feels some type of way about the way the group conducts and organizes themselves. He's sure it's only a matter of time before the entire thing collapses.

Minutemen - it's great that people are finally standing up for themselves and not letting raiders run them over. But goddamn do they need a fuck ton of help in every front. He doesn't care enough to do it though. Thinks Garvey's hot but a bit of a naive fool.

Brotherhood of Steel - after he found out that Lyon's group is an odd offshoot of what the BoS really is he was pissed the fuck off. How dare they go around the Commonwealth and everywhere else taking technology from other people and refusing to help anyone? To him they're nothing more than glorified raiders with better gear. Everywhere they go they leave things worse than they were before they got there. When the Prydwen docked and they spread he found out they were going to different farms basically demanding they hand over a portion of their crops to the BoS for nothing in return. One of these farms was the Abernathy farm and due to some history ge felt some type of way and armed the family so they could defend themselves and their lively hood. After the Institute was blown up and the Railroad and Minutemen joined forces to defeat the BoS he made it a hobby to pick off survivors for sport.

Gunners - lemme be an edgelord here for a second and just say that he enjoys the fuck out of fighting them. Jelani is far better trained and loves when a job tasks him with fighting Gunners juet to keep him sharp 'cause let's be honest super mutants barely make him sweat and raiders are a joke. Excellent source of sniping and counter-sniping practice.

Atom Cats - hates the way they talk but has a deep respect for what they do. He thinks more people should look into power armor.

Triggermen - the only reason why he tolerates them is because he gets a large amount of his med-x from them. He gets a discount from one of them due to helping them with a problem.

Children of Atom - when I say he hates these freaks I mean it with my entire chest. Whenever he sees one he sees red and most often than not it's kill on sight. At the very least the ones in DC weren't hostile, these fuckers are shoot first and then shoot again. Not to mention their entire deal is recruiting people to their cult and at times by force. Jelani was actually hired by a woman to find her younger sister who he found dead wearing CoA clothes. Apparently she and her sister fought and she ran off to join the CoA, however, too much exposure to radiation killed her. When he broke the news to the woman she blamed herself for her sister's death which hit very close to home because it felt similar to his situation. He told her to keep her caps and went on a three day bender mixing every kind of alcohol (except for whiskey) and various drugs which resulted in him stabbing himself on his right thigh after cutting up his arms all in an effort to feel something again.

Then there's the whole religious aspect of their cult. Jela's a very stern athiest and is repulsed by the idea of religion or spirituality especially so when he got to Boston.

Hubologists - so long as they don't come near him he's neutral to them. If they come near him trying to talk to him about their belif system he shuts that shit down and he's gonna be an asshole about it.

Rust Devils - he gives 'em points for being creative and different but they're still a bunch of punk ass raiders.

Goodneighbor - he always was a fan of that carefree air the place always had. They're okay in his book.

The Pack - as an animal lover he enjoys the fact that these guys always seem to have animals around. Dagny and Ayo got their attention a lot and he liked that they were always giving them toys and treats and playing with them. He's especially fond of this gang mostly because Angelus belongs(ed) to this gang and when he got ambushed by a group of raiders and they put Dagny in a bag and tossed her into the water Angelus rescued her and helped him. When Nuka World was under attack and he and Radek's gang trained the gangs The Pack showed a lot of potential in shock and awe tactics. They're always fun to hang around with.

The Operators - never in his life could he imagine that a gang of raiders could be organized, goal oriented and so well put together. When he first met up with Mags and her brother they talked for a very long time. They honestly impressed him and he outright told them so. When they were training The Operators they showed excellency in stealth and coordination that paired nicely with The Pack's strengths.

The Disciples - from day one Jelani and Nisha did NOT get along. When Jelani came to Nuka World with Angelus the literal shit had hit the fan. Gage's plan had backfired when the person they'd relied on after they killed Colter turned on Nuka World and killed a lot of them and had escaped with the slaves. Gage had run away and a civil war had broken out now that they were leaderless and unorganized with hundreds dead. Nisha's group wanted blood and she wanted to lead but the thing is Jelani didn't think she'd be a good fit for anything much less lead. He saw the Disciples are unpredictable and hard to steer so he didn't give a fuck when Nisha pulled that stunt with the power plant. I'd be lying if I didn't say that Jela having one of her assassins working undercover for him and then watching her face contort in anger and shock right before her supposed fellow Disciple blew her brains didn't bring him a sick sense of amusement.

The Syndicate (made up gang, descendants of members of MI6 and SAS, think Enclave but British) - a gang made up of very well trained, very disciplined, like minded individuals armed to the teeth? Sign him the fuck up. He'd be lying if he didn't enjoy the perks of being able to take several of their weapons and used their equipment. Teaming up with them to train the Nuka World raiders was a fun experience and he'll gladly pit any Gunner against his raiders and win any day. Effectively he made them even more dangerous. He does feel weird interacting with Radek (one of the founders of The Syndicate) due to their first meeting being what it was. Radek's okay with it and had even shown concern for Jelani's wellbeing but Jela feels a bit shitty about it. This is his favorite gang tbh.

Nuka World (overall) - as it stands now that he cleaned up the place, trained a bunch of raiders and took over the park he's okay with them. He's aware that they think of him as the overboss given the fact that he stepped up and did what no one else could or wanted to do but he doesn't want that. First of all he's not a raider and it makes zero sense for some 18-year-old kid to be leading a bunch of gangs. On top of that he thinks one lone leader is a very bad idea. What no one, except for Angelus, knows is that he did things in a way to manipulate the situation.

At that point in time he doesn't give a shit about anyone. The entire world could burn up in nuclear fire again and he'd be okay with it. But he's still not a fucking piece of shit. He knows that before shit got messed up they had plans to basically take over the Commonwealth. That meant many people dying and it could've involved people like Ginger and Abigail or the Abernathys so he wanted to prevent that. He managed to convince them that other counties vloser to Nuka World were better for the taking. As he trained them in better tactics and handling weapons he also trained them to be self-sufficient to avoid relying on captured slaves. He twisted it so they'd think he was doing it under the guise of "they rebelled once, they can do it again" because telling them keeping slaves is a shit ass thing to do wouldn't fly over them so he manipulated the situation.

He also has a contingency plan in place in case he ever leaves Boston and the gangs get antsy and decide to go for the Commonwealth. As long as he's in Boston he can control their interests but if he ever leaves there's no one to stop them from doing whatever they want. Jelani had a private meeting with Preston Garvey, the Minutemen general and Ronnie Shaw where he admited that he was "running" Nuka World though he kept his reasons as to why to himself. He gave Preston documents and a holotape containing passwords, maps, routes, entrances to secret tunnels, and information of all gangs in and around Nuka World. When clearing Kiddie Kingdom Jelani reverse engineered the sprayers and hid plenty of them throughout Nuka Town and programmed them via a computer he had hidden in the Nuka Station. The sprayers were hooked up to the same chemicals Oswald used. Because he trained the raiders himself he knew their strengths and weaknesses and knew how to exploit them. He specified patrol times and numbers and the location of detonators. He hid bombs in every single park.

Garvey was obviously confused and distrustful but Jela told him that if the NW raiders ever tried shit in the Commonwealth he should talk to Ginger and Abigail and they'd vouche for him. But he warned him that if Garvey and his people were to attack Nuka World unprovoked Jelani would kill him, the general and Ronnie Shaw himself.

What about Angelus and The Syndicate? Angelus is only loyal to Jelani. He drank the kool-Aid and asked for seconds. So if Jelani ever leaves he's leaving with his boyfriend. Radek and Bourne aren't what you'd call raiders, they're just in it for the fun of it and they're nomadic. At any minute they can and will uproot and leave to another location. They have no royalties to Nuka World.

FMS Northern Star - Jelani says that if it wasn't for Dagny he never would've befreinded the raiders that live on that ship much less formed such a strong friendship with Varg Olsen. While out on a job the guy that Jelani was hunting down tried to hide in the ship but unbeknownst to him it was occupied by ghouls. They killed him but Jelani still had to bring back evidence or else he wouldn't be paid. So he snuck in and tried to grab something off the body while he ordered Dagny to flank them. Thing is Jelani trained Dagny to follow orders in Norwegian (thought behind that was that no one could understand what he was saying so it made it easier to confuse targets). When he yelled out the order the raiders stopped shooting and asked Jelani what he said. Both parties ceased fire and soon found that they understood each other and just talked it out. From there on out he befriended the ghouls and from there on out Varg became his most trusted friend in Boston. It was thanks to Varg that Jelani got some more information on his bio dad's lineage. Varg was also a key figure in finding information for Jelani as the ghoul had been the only one that would explore the Commonwealth and was even able to speak English if a bit broken.

[moreteethplease]

Devlog: I Am Fortunate

> Play it here!

I Am Fortunate is a short "game" made for the Fuck Capitalism Jam with bitsy, inspired by the theme of the 74th bitsy jam, The Little Things. Have three conversations about your job and its merits on a long elevator ride down to see your boss.

Devlog under the cut, with spoilers.

I almost gave up on making something for the Fuck Capitalism Jam. I knew I wanted to make a game in bitsy and I had a few ideas, but I didn't like where they were going and ended up scrapping the whole thing five days after I started. But then the 74th bitsy jam started, and its theme, The Little Things, inspired me.

I wanted to make a game about hustle culture and the pressure to monetize your hobbies. Every single source of income I have is a hobby that I monetized: writing, editing, design work, coding... These are all passions that I have sacrificed to business so I can keep afloat. As a disabled individual who cannot hold down a job that requires a consistent schedule, my monetized hobbies are my lifelines. It's something I am grateful for and also loathe deeply. So many people in similar positions don't have access to my method of survival. But I still absolutely hate seeing every new interest I develop get swallowed up by capitalism because I don't have a choice. I have to survive, and that's an expensive endeavour these days, and it's only getting more expensive by the month.

Once I was inspired, writing the game's script took very little time. I like writing dialog and back-and-forths between characters. I'm not sure how well this kind of dialog works in a platform like bitsy, but I enjoy it so I keep doing it!

Art took a bit longer. I made the elevator scenes and the final antagonist scene, but the character sprites and office use tiles from others (credited on the game page). The speed lines next to the elevator took a while. They seem simple, but for the longest time they just didn't look right.

Putting the game together was easy but very time-consuming, using multiple hacks applied with Borksy. I mostly made use of the "edit room from dialog" hack, which lets you input code in dialog boxes that creates and removes objects in the room. That's how I made the elevator doors open and close!

The antagonist of this "game" is your boss, portrayed as an object-head type being with a pocket watch for a head. This is not subtle at all - the point is that the boss is Time, as weaponized by capitalism.

Time used to be something owned by us, something we could carve out and use as we saw fit. Some time went to work, some time went to pleasure. But today, survival often dictates that any time you spend not working is time wasted. You have to constantly be on your grind to make rent, so finding success is an even more impossible-feeling venture. Even when you no longer need to do this, you might still feel guilty for taking a break. And even if you never needed to do this, you hear about the need to "hustle" and find side gigs and passive income... Even the littlest spots of joy in your life must serve a purpose. If it's not productive, it is inherently a waste. So the idea is that Time, your boss, demands that you sacrifice everything to him, and he also knows that you would choose to keep doing so even if he demands nothing.

If you'd like, you can play my "game" here: