#not only that but my father has been drinking sm more again and he's fucking so annoying

[entername322]

Polls for next series schedule

Yo, yo, yo, like the title said, I have a few series in mind. As you may have notice, I have a thing for yanderes, so most of the series I write will be themed around that. Most, not all. This polls will be used to help me plan the schedule for the future, that means all the series I put down here will all be written, so just pick which one you want to see first.

Minji (New Jeans): Your father has recently been married to a single mother, which means you just got a new siblings, that is Minji. A meek and shy girl who have trouble talking to people. As her new brother you want to help her out. It all started with a little tuttoring session, then slowy she got comfortable with you. The lines of family starts to blur as the two of you start to fall for each other. Less yandere, more of taboo-ish relatonship.

Momo (Twice): Momo had everything she ever wanted in her life, a loving parents, annoying yet lovable sister, a little happy family. Then they all crash and burn, literally, a car crash cause her to lose her life and got sent to an orphanage. While dealing with this trauma she found you, a fellow orphan, your cheerful and careless attitude slowly convince her everything will be okay. She lost her family, but she found you, and goddamn she won't let you be taken away. Not much yandere, more possessive and jealous type.

Eunbi (Izone): Fuck school, you are too cool for it. Spending your life away by skipping school, getting into fights, drinking, smoking, life doesn't seems that bright for you. From all the above, there's one thing you love more, fucking. Which is why you went to a certain site where you can find people and just hook up here and there. You never expected to find your uptight and pretentious principle there. What an opportunity of a life time, you can't just let this go to waste. Corruption and yandere, (Sub Eunbi, Best Eunbi)

Sana (Twice): A popular and widely liked Sana, an outcast loner you, the two colides as a group project forced you two to be together. Sana always like people, and more than anything, she likes to break people heart. But you, oh god, you are different. A divine punishment for all the boys she has broken before, you have her tied around your finger without noticing. Unfortunately, Sana find you to be a hidden gem, that will stays hidden from the world. Heavy stuff, violence, an absolute batshit yandere

Chaewon (Izone, Le Sserafim): Chaewon is your bestfriend, sometimes you wished you are more than that. Seeing her getting into a toxic relationship you can only watch as her heart is being broken again and again. One day you just can't hold it in, you snap, confessing your love and your disdain towards her boyfriend. Then things just fell apart, you were hurt, but accept that sometimes, life is just cruel. As you made peace with your feelings towards her and moved on with your life, Chaewon snapped, she can't take it anymore. She needs someone to ease the pain, she needs you. But you are long gone, well, for now. She will find you, and when she did the peace you've made will be broken. Angst, mental abuse, light yandere. (I know she has a group now but she will alwasy be fuckin Izone first in my heart okay)

WC- Karina & Winter (Aespa): Your travel to Korea was supposed to be a short trip, well around 6 month at most. Just a little trip with your friend while looking out for him as he starts his business here. Things happens and you might have to stay a little longer. Deciding that you won't spend your day babysiting his ass you went to find a job to fill your time. A bodyguard for SM's newest girl group. The thing is, shit hits the fan, both Karina and Winter suddenly had a crush on you. On top of that, they are dating one another. Well, your time will be filled alright. Possesive, not much dark tones here. (This is a Wild Card, I don't want to write another three way couple one after another. So deciding to not risk this by putting it on the poll with a chance of this winning first place, I will write this when I feel like it. I will put this series somewhere in between all the series above)

Anyway, I need to go AFK blyat, got some college assignment to finish up. Vote, and look forward to the series. Till then feel free to send ask, especially pictures okay, i need all the pictures or gifs from all the girls i mentioned above. See ya.

[cherryblossomforest]

Day 10 Inpatient

I spent the entire night without sleep meds in flashback hell, switching in and out to the point where I met a new (old) kid part. Only to fall asleep after 6am and be woken up before 8am to this irritating new patient singing at the top of her fucking lungs. Now if I go out there and tell her to shut her fucking mouth I'll be in the wrong.

Plus, you know what fucking sucks? Being fucking traumatised AND ovulating. I want to kms. Every fucking month my brain hyperfocuses on flashbacks just because I'm fucking ovulating. I want this motherfucking womb gone.

^^ 😀👀 What??! I think whoever was just in flashback hell rather than it being to do with our cycle because I'm genuinely fine 🙃

I've been sleeping all morning. In and out of flashbacks still, not as bad as last night though. I think November just has us by the throat at night.

Just had my ward round and tbh I think the consultant was waffling but he basically was saying that I'm very intelligent and how I've managed to keep myself safe in the past by using the tools I have. He said he thinks I have Chronic Dysphoria rather than actual depression? And that because I am so sensitive to medication he's basically not entirely sure what to do. He said that my main way of getting help isn't medication but therapy (SHOCKER) and that he doesn't want me to stay in the hospital too long but that it'll go at my pace. So although I'm starting Mirtazapine again he's trying to get me a better support system in the community while I'm settling here. So basically although I'm struggling I also can't get the full help I need here because he doesn't actually think I'm depressed he thinks it's ✨️Trauma✨️ I think this is kinda jarring because like yeah it's true but not being in the right type of therapy isn't going to help and I wish I could just go private because it would be so much easier. My consultant also said that I'll have a care coordinator and something else, as well as still being seen by the ED clinic but I'm nervous that it's not enough. The only reason I'm not drinking is because I'm being watched and I can't drink in here but once I'm back out there idk what's going to happen. I can't always be in the driving seat of this body...

Although I slept once the sun rose, after my ward round I also took my prn and slept some more. My brain is in trauma mode and it's coming out in my sleep and I absolutely hate it. So tonight I will be ensuring I'm taking something to sleep throughout the night because I do not want a repeat of last night at all. Especially as it's days away from the anniversary.

After looking through different private therapists, I am stressed. I hate that it's so expensive for DID clients. I just need some support whilst I wait to see if this referral gets rejected or not. It's stressing me out sm.

My brother is trying to be supportive because he's just now realising how expensive it'll be for me to go private. When I was going private therapy before I was working full time, living with my father and I had like 3 bills max. I'm now paying for my own home and car and everything that comes with it. It's a lot. My brother said he wouldn't mind helping out with my therapy bill 👀👀👀 which shocked the hell out of me. He's always so distant but then if I ask him for help he'll pop up and do whatever I need and he's like "You're my baby sister ofc I'll help, what's wrong with you?" I just always assumed that he was tired of me. Or I'm that mentally unstable little sister who's just been cast aside. I keep forgetting I'm not a teen and that he's changed and so have I. In our teenage years, he was hella embarrassed by me but now he's like cool with me and ??? My child parts who used to look up to him so much and think he was this super cool older brother are so happy every time he says he enjoys my company. Every time he calls and all that. It's super nice.

My Mirtazapine is working straight away and I'm exhausted suddenly, at least I'll have a good night's sleep hopefully 😴

[trainwreckweather]

.

[littlemissnoname13]

Wisps of Smoke (Draco Malfoy x Slytherin!reader) - Part 5

Summary: y/n and Draco find themselves drawn to an abandoned classroom every night

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Slytherin!Reader ft. Theo Nott, Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zabini

Warnings: Excessive smoking, mature language and themes, smut labeled as ⚜️, 18+ content, reader discretion is advised, also Draco is kinda soft in this one. Just sayin.

A/n: Ik this was supposed to be the final part but I wanted to wrap things up properly. The last part will be dedicated to the ball itself.

A massive thank you to everyone that has read WOS. Your feedback makes me so fkn happy. I love you all sm.

Word count: 3700

Link to Part one, two, three, and four if you haven’t read them already.

My other stories are over here. And you can join my tag list here.

As always, Smoking is injurious to health y’all.

24th December

Home was just the way you’d remembered it. 

From the Goldchild Ivy covering the white colored walls and the stepping stones leading all the way to the main entrance to the way your parents kept nagging you about your “future” with Adrian Pucey.

“You still haven’t told me what kind of dress you’d like to wear to the ball.” Your mum reminded you after taking a small sip from her wine glass. 

“I don’t know mother.” You sighed,stabbing repeatedly at the sautéed mushroom on your plate. “Can’t I wear something I already own? Like the blue one I wore last year.”

“Well, what is Adrian wearing? May I suggest some colour coordinating?” 

“I really don’t know mother.” You coughed. 

“Well, why don't you ask him?”

“I can't.” You mumbled dropping your fork on your plate. The loud clanging sound earned you an eyebrow raise from your otherwise quiet father. 

“Why not?”

“We broke—we aren’t seeing each other anymore.” You said quietly before quickly standing up and dismissing yourself from the dining table before your parents could ask you a thousand questions.

As you walked away from the table and towards the balcony, you could still hear your parents calling after you while simultaneously speculating about just what you may have done to scare Adrian away. 

You weren’t going to tell them about Draco because you weren’t even sure what to tell them.

I broke up with Adrian because I’m sleeping with Draco Malfoy.

Yes, the one that is getting engaged soon. 

No we’re not together.

I may or may not have developed feelings for him.

Yes, it is inconvenient because I have no idea how he feels. 

Did I mention he is getting engaged? 

You tugged on the sleeves of your sweater to warm your hands up as you stared up at the surprisingly clear night sky splattered with only a few clouds and shimmering stars. 

You took it upon yourself to start counting the stars to distract yourself from thinking about Draco again.

Unbeknownst to you, Draco was standing on the balcony of his room trying not to think of you too. 

The only difference for him was that the sky was a little less cloudy where he lived and he wasn’t going to bother counting stars. 

“Happy Christmas Draco.” You whispered to yourself,staring at the shiny emerald ring on your finger. 

“Happy Christmas Y/n.” Draco mumbled into the night air as he fidgeted with your amethyst ring. 

~~~~~~~~~~

25th December

It was a surprisingly quiet Christmas Morning at the Y/l/n household. 

Your parents were still fast asleep when you walked towards the kitchen to fix yourself a cup of coffee. 

It was probably because your parents hadn’t quite processed your break up with Adrian and had spent their night discussing it.

Seeing it was Christmas, you decided to put a dash of white chocolate and whipped cream in your cup of caffeinated goodness in order to feel a bit more festive.

You were feeling anything but festive. 

There was a kind of dread crushing your insides when you thought about the ball. 

You’d have to watch him dance with her and kiss her lips at midnight. 

Fuck, you’d have to congratulate him after he slipped a ring onto her perfectly manicured finger. 

Just when you were about to take a sip of your drink, you heard a knock on your door. 

You frowned and walked towards the door because it was way too early on in the morning for anyone to come over. 

When you yanked the door open, you saw him of all people, standing on the other side of the door with his white blond hair messier than usual. 

He was wearing one of his rare genuine smiles that showed his pearly whites making you feel wobbly in the knees. 

“Draco—What are you doing here?”

“Happy Christmas to you too.” He said with the smile still fixed on his lips. “Tell me y/l/n is this how you greet all of your houseguests?”

“How rude of me.” You muttered to yourself still befuddled as you stepped back to let him in. “Come in, sit down. Cup of tea?”

“I’m actually in a bit of a hurry.” He said as he fidgeted with his blazer pocket. “Just came to drop off something—ugh hold this.” 

He placed a pack of cigarettes in the palm of your hand before fumbling with his pocket again. 

“Ahh. There we go.” He retrieved a lilac colored box from his pocket and brought it back to its normal size before handing it to you.

“What’s this?” 

“What does it look like y/n?”

“But—But I haven't even gotten you anythi—”

Before you could finish your sentence, he leaned in, tenderly pressing lips against yours. 

The softness of his lips made the heaviness you were feeling on your shoulders fade away as you faded into him—only him and the way he held you firmly around the waist as he suckled on your bottom lip.

“Thank you.”  You whispered burying your face into his chest, trying to inhale a scent of his cologne. “Thank you.”  

When Draco left, you ran up to your room and opened the lilac box to find a blush coloured slip dress folded neatly with a note on top of it written in his neat handwriting.

~~~~

Dear Y/n

I really am sorry about what happened to your old silk dress but I just couldn’t help myself. 

I hope you’ll understand.

I also hope I get to see you wear this one someday.  

Yours,

D.L.M

~~~~~~~~~~~

26 December 

The day after Christmas, the boys decided to do a little cleanup. 

Quidditch and house memorabilia, novelty artefacts they no longer cared enough for and items of emotional value. 

The boys wanted a fresh start. 

A clean break.

A clean slate. 

Theo and Blaise were done with their cleaning so they were now at the Manor helping Draco who was surprisingly not very convinced about the whole “fresh start” ordeal. 

“Remember this?” Theo chuckled, clearing out all the books that covered Draco’s desk and using his wand to cast a quick spell that revealed carvings they’d made the summer before their second year.

“Oh?” Blaise gleefully raised his eyebrows walking towards Theo. “I’d forgotten about this.” 

Draco rolled his eyes and followed Blaise and the three boys stood around the table reading out everything they’d managed to carve out. 

There were some very unholy words, tally sticks and unfortunate looking doodles of Harry on the table.

“Theodore Nott was here.” Draco read out loud looking unimpressed.

“Read this one.” Theo chuckled pointing at a carving. “Daphne Greengrass + Blaise Zabini.”

“Hey! We were barely second years.” Blaise protested while his eyes kept scanning the table. 

As Blaise’s vigilant eyes trailed to the farthest corner of the table, a wicked grin started to form across his cheeks making Draco’s face turn pale. 

“Y/n Y/l/n.” Blaise read out loud smirking at Draco. “Well well Malfoy—From the second year?...Interesting.” 

“It was always obvious even though he expressed himself in questionable ways.” Theo shrugged. 

“What was obvious?” Draco quirked an eyebrow with a scowl on his face. 

“The fact that you were and are absolutely enamoured with y/n.” Theo rolled his eyes. “It has always been obvious to everyone but you. Back me up here Zabini.” 

Draco crossed his arms and looked at Blaise who just gave him an apologetic shrug. “I’m sorry but he’s right mate.”

“I am not enamoured with y/n.” 

“If you say so.” Blaise shrugged.

“And what if I were?” Draco spat, clearly irked by the condescending look on Blaise’s face.

“If you are, then I only have one question for you.” Blaise said with carefully selected words.

“And the question is?” 

Blaise went quiet for a brief second before looking at Draco, dead set in the eye.

“What is holding you back, Malfoy?” 

~~~~~~~~~~

27th December

Draco wondered what life decisions he’d taken to find himself seated at a murky little pub with Astoria reclining against his shoulders—sipping on Butterbeer. 

Pansy, Theo and Blaise were taking shots next to him and you were awkwardly seated right across the table next to Adrian fucking Pucey. 

What was he doing here anyway? Who even invited him? 

Even though he’d overheard you telling Pansy that Adrian was there only because of your parents nagging you, seeing you seated together bothered him nonetheless. 

Draco wasn’t even meaning to eavesdrop on your conversation with Adrian but he just couldn’t help but divert all his attention to your sweet voice and the way your lips moved. 

You were telling Adrian about the sweet shop next door and Draco’s lips involuntarily twitched and curved upwards when he noticed just how excited you were about sweets.

It was like you softened him—made him vulnerable. And the whole feeling terrified him.

Between smoking his fifth cigarette, occasionally chatting with Astoria and looking at you from the corner of his eye, one rather simple thought encircled Draco’s mind. 

Why didn’t he knock Pucey off his broom when he had the chance to?

~~~~~~~~~

28th December

Lightning crashed. Thunder clapped.

Fat drops of rain started to fall on the enormous glass window in Draco’s bedroom. 

You placed your finger on the glass as you watched the infinite droplets race all the way to the bottom of the window.

The howling winds brought in the scent of wet grass and sent the dark curtains flying in all different directions.

You took in the smell of fresh rain and sighed sinking blissfully into his embrace.

Lucius and Narcissa were away, preparing for the upcoming ball and Draco had owled you asking to meet. 

And so, both of you were now sitting on the windowsill in his room that was much larger than the one in the abandoned classroom. 

In fact, it was so spacious that it served as his own personal reading nook—complete with a velvety throw blanket and some cushions. 

His hands held open a book and you let yourself get comfortable between his long limbs, still counting raindrops on the window. 

“What are you doing?” He asked looking towards you and away from the worn out pages of his book. 

“I’m watching the raindrops race each other.” You said with your eyes still fixed on the glass. “infinite little droplets.”

“It's just rain.” He shrugged as his eyes went back to his book. “Quite mundane if you ask me.”

Sure rain was mundane. 

But this rain felt different. It sent you into a state of melancholia. 

You couldn’t dare to tell him but those infinite droplets resembled the amount of times you’d wanted to tell him that you loved him. 

Even though you couldn’t find the courage to tell him, it was like the look in your eyes gave it all away.

It made his features soften as he slowly shifted and got up from the nook to fully open the window.

You shielded yourself as cold drops of rain started to hit your face. “What in the actual fuck?” 

“Shut up and follow me.” He said as he climbed out of the window and onto the ledge.

“Are you mental?” 

“Just do as I say.” He said helping you onto the ledge. 

Both of you laughed hysterically as the rain seeped through your clothes as you sat on the ledge with your bare feet dangling in the air. 

One wrong move and both of you could fall to our deaths. But there came an adrenaline rush with the risk of it all. 

He pushed away the hair sticking to your face and brought your face close to his before pressing his rain soaked lips to yours. 

Theo was right. 

He was fucking enamoured.

~~~~~~⚜️~~~~~~~~

After coming back inside, you walked into his ensuite to fix your ruined hair and cast a quick drying charm to your clothes before heading home.

You had barely managed to pick at the tangles in your wet hair when an equally soaked Draco walked up behind you—clothes sticking to his toned body and hair sticking to his face. 

“Draco. Sorry for hogging the mirror. I thought I’d be done sooner but these tangles are—hmmm.”

He wrapped his arms around your waist from behind you and pressed his cold lips against the base of your neck.

Even though your hair was entangled and unruly, you looked bewitching to him.

Especially the way the thin and drenched fabric of your seafoam colored dress draped your body—transparent and accentuating all your curves. 

He just couldn’t help himself from unzipping your dress while he admired the sight of your dress slowly leaving your body in the mirror in front of you both. 

“Draco?” You whispered as you watched his lips move their way from your neck to your shoulders. His hands gently gripping and massaging your breasts. 

“Yes?” He whispered into your hair as he began nipping on your earlobe—his hands never leaving your breasts. 

You wanted to tell him that you were in love with him but the words just refused to leave your lips. 

“I—I missed you so much.” You said instead as you watched the corners of his mouth twitch. 

He didn’t say a word back.

Hips lips were too occupied with sucking love bites against your skin. 

He didn’t need to tell you that he missed you too. The deep reddish purple markings on your body said it all. 

Draco intertwined his fingers around yours and placed your palms flat against the marble basin in front of you. 

Your dainty fingers brought out the verdant tones of the emerald ring and Draco couldn’t help but admire his family heirloom on you. 

He slowly moved his hands up your arms and let them brush against your bare back—trailing lower and lower till he was barely touching your soaking wet cunt.

“You like it when I touch you here?” He murmured pushing one of his fingers inside for a fleeting second. 

“Hmmm.” You moaned gripping tightly onto the basin and pushing your hips backwards to get more. 

Draco brought his hand to your arse and struck once causing you to hiss through your teeth. 

“Words darling—use your words.”

“Yes….” You whimpered, opening your eyes to stare into the reflection again. There was a kind of unrestrained hunger in his eyes that only made you want him more. 

“Good girl...so fucking perfect..so beautiful.” 

He reached out and wrapped his left hand around your throat and brought your face close to him while the pad of his right thumb rubbed steady circles on your throbbing clit. 

He loved that you were always so wet and ready for him. 

“Draco..I want you inside me..Please..” 

He could have spent hours on end just teasing you with his fingers and tongue if he could. There was just something about you that just made him want to take his time to worship you—to ruin you. 

But time was not on his side and the reflection in front of him was making him increasingly impatient so he did not tease you any further. He simply unbuckled his trousers and pushed his cock where it belonged. 

“Fuck...yes Draco..”

A whimper let your lips at the sudden push and your knuckles turned pale as you gripped tightly onto the marble basin. 

“Look at you…” He murmured against your shoulder as he stared ahead into the mirror—his cock pounding in and out of you. “Taking my cock like such a good girl.” 

He let go of your throat and used his hands to hold your hips firmly in place as he fucked you mercilessly. 

Every time you two had fucked before this, Draco had constantly reminded himself to be a little gentle with you—but today, he wanted to wreck you.

He wanted you to scream his name in a bittersweet mix of pure pleasure and pain as he fucked you relentlessly.

“More...Draco...oh..fuck…yes.” 

Beads of tears started to slip out of your eyes and you started to squirm—clenching him inside of you as your started to feel your orgasm approach. 

“Don’t.” He growled digging his nails into the flesh at your hips. “Don’t fucking come just yet.” 

You winced when he slipped himself out before carrying you back to his room where he sat down at the edge of the bed—positioning you on his lap with your legs on either side as he slipped back into you. 

Draco let you adjust to the new position for a few seconds as you gripped his shoulders as you moved your hips, slowly riding his cock. 

“My perfect little slut.” He sighed cupping your face in his hands as you continued to move against him. 

After letting you ride him for a little longer, he gripped your hips and started to pound into you making your tits bounce up and down. 

“Feels so good Draco—feels so fucking good. Oh god yes.”

With one hand on your arse and his mouth attached to your nipple Draco kept thrusting into you till the room was filled with the sound of your screams mixed with the sound of his skin slapping against yours and the sound rain splattering against the window glass. 

“Fuck y/n...your cunt is so perfect, you take me so fucking good..god.” 

“Harder…”

“So good when you clench me in like that... fuck y/n..I need to fucking fill you up…”

“Draco please..don’t fucking stop...oh..I’m so close..”

You always submitted to him so easily, he enjoyed the control he had over you.

But your sweet moans, the way your lips moved when you sighed his name was enough to make him weak for you. 

You were completely oblivious to the power you held over him. 

He loved you.

And he wanted to say the words out loud over and over again. 

“I love—I love being inside you..I have missed you so much” He said instead. 

“Draco I’m—I’m fucking cumming.” You whined as he continued to move his hips.

“Let go. Fucking cum y/n. Cum with me.”

You let your head fall against his shoulders and dug your nails into his biceps as you succumbed to your orgasm.

He soon followed, painting your walls with his release as he murmured sweet nothings into your skin. 

You held each other close as you both recovered from your highs and and when he eventually fell asleep you whispered into his ear. 

I’ll be thinking of you too Malfoy.

~~~~~~~~~

29th December 

Once glimpse of the calendar and all the feelings you had shoved into a deep dark part of your mind trickled out in the form of tears.

Silent tears.

The kind of tears you cry when the silence of the night gets unbearable.

The kind where you suppress the sound of your wail and hopelessly try and mute any kind of sniffle by pressing your face hard into the pillow because you don’t want to wake anyone up. 

Silent tears are the most painful of tears when mixed with the sound of the clock ticking. 

For some bizarre reason, every second gets more prolonged than the other.

You had tried to hold it together for days. You tried to pretend like Draco’s engagement didn’t bother you. 

But it did. 

You turned your head on your very damp pillow and eyed the pack of smokes on your night stand. Draco had left when he came to drop off your present. 

On an impulse, You stepped out of your bed as your trembling fingers reached for the 25 pack of expensive looking cigarettes. 

The second you opened the box, the slight scent of nicotine wafted up your nose and you slowly placed a cigarette at the corner of your chapped and dry lips and lit it up. 

Like always, you coughed and wheezed the second you inhaled. 

You hated how it felt. 

But you loved how close you suddenly felt to Draco.

In a twisted kind of way, It felt like you were submerged in his presence again. 

Your lips tasted like they had been kissed by him again.

The more you inhaled the better it felt.

In a fucked up kind of way, The word felt right again.  

And slowly, the night faded into morning as one cigarette turned into another. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

30th December 

Pansy had flooed to your hour the minute she received a letter last night in your drunken handwriting talking about how amazing cigarettes were and how pretty Astoria was.

With a mug filled to the brim with tea in between her hands, she rested her back against the armchair in your room, tilting her head to get a better look at you. 

Your face was pressed sideways against the pillow and she could tell you’d been crying by the dried mascara stains on your cheeks. 

A half smoked cigarette was pressed into the makeshift ashtray that you’d made out of your bedside table making Pansy wonder if she’d ever seen you this miserable. 

Your duvet was barely covering your shoulders and just as Pansy was standing up to pull them up, your bedroom door creaked open. 

“I just wanted to drop something off.” Draco  mumbled almost like he was talking to himself as he took a step into the room—hand in his blazer pocket.

Pansy didn't say a word as she watched Draco with her eyes narrowed. She observantly watched him pull out a tiny box from his pocket and mumble a spell to restore it to its original size.

“What are those?” 

“Assorted sweets.” He said softly, with his gaze not leaving your sleeping form once. “She wouldn’t stop talking about exploding bonbons the other night at the pub.” 

Pansy heaved out a sigh as she watched Draco place the box of sweets on your bedside table before reaching to gently push away your hair from your face. 

“Don’t get me wrong Draco, but you really shouldn’t be here right now.” 

His weary eyes flickered as he turned to look questioningly at Pansy—retreating his hand from your face. 

“You are getting engaged tomorrow—look at her, look at the state she is in. She won’t say it out loud but It’s clearly killing her.” 

As much as Draco hated agreeing with Pansy, she was right. 

Even while asleep, you looked worn out and restless with your eyebrows scrunched up indicating tension.

He wasn’t even going to get himself started on the cigarettes and wine bottles on your night stand.

“Will you let her know that I came by?” He looked half expectantly at Pansy who gave him an apologetic smile in return. “Never mind I guess.” 

As Draco reluctantly backed away from you,  Blaise’s words lingered in his mind. 

What is holding you back Malfoy?

(To be continued...)

~~~~~~

Part 6: Final Chapter Preview:

The Malfoy Manor was being decorated and every little detail of the decor screamed nothing but aristocratic, pristine, perfect.

It was like everything was just a futile attempt to conceal the dullness, loneliness and the fucked up pure blood traditions hiding deep within the manor walls.

Much like his so-called arrangement with Astoria that seemed so perfect on paper.

Pure blood families, rich family history, old money.

What could go wrong right?..

~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[summerbummin]

Headcanons about Apollo and his former lovers from TOA

Naomi Solace 🎤

-Her and Apollo met when she was singing at a dive bar, he bought her a drink and they had a whirlwind summer fling

-They loved hitting up karaoke bars together and wowing everyone with their singing talent

-She really liked Apollo’s car and they’d did a lot of things in there (including conceiving Will lmao)

-One time when they were making out Naomi climbed into Apollo’s seat and her butt accidentally hit the steering wheel and HOOONK

-They jolted in surprise, then delved into hysterics, anything they had going on dying down as they laid their heads against each other’s shoulders and laughed so hard their ribs hurt, until Apollo suggested they used the back seat and things got going again lol

-Once Naomi said Jesus Christ in like response to smth, Apollo replied actually I’m Phoebus Apollo and Naomi was like what? And Apollo was like whaaaaat and Naomi just moved on bc she had other things to deal with lol

-Apollo ended up saying goodbye and leaving at the end of summer and a few weeks after he left Naomi realized she was pregnant and was like well shit

-She’s from the south and people there can be p judgmental about pregnancies outside of marriage, but Naomi never let them get her down, she actually met this great support group of women who helped her out and are still good friends even now

-Apollo eased her labor pains when she was giving birth to Will (and that’s why the kid has such good medical powers), but Apollo disguised himself as a nurse, not wanting to stress her out because the ex who she thought had no idea abt the baby was here, with her, holding her hand while she was gave birth

-Naomi brings Will up with love and kindness and she just wants the best for her sweet boy, but she gets concerned when Will talks about some weird things he saw at school and he gets pegged as the “weird kid” and is picked on by his classmates as a result

-Naomi would’ve fought those kids but Will told her it was fine, mama! His stuffed animals were his friends

-Will loved those stuffed animals and got really attached to them, so Naomi taught him how to sow them up when they started fraying and that’s the first thing that made Will want to be a doctor (when Will told his siblings this story they started calling him Doc McStuffins lol)

-Apollo didn’t tell Naomi he was a god and she didn’t find out until Apollo sent a satyr to bring Will to camp once he was old enough

-Realizing she had a fling with a greek god was a bit of a shock but Naomi dealt with it gracefully and gave Will the biggest hug before he left, making him promise to be safe and write to her as soon as he got to camp

-Naomi’s career as a country alt singer got a lot more successful after her whole thing with Apollo because he put a blessing on her, her voice was beautiful she just needed help getting noticed so Apollo nudged some influential people in the music industry towards her on his way out (he kinda felt bad about leaving so abruptly, even if it was just a fling, he tries to make it up to his ex-lovers with things like this)

-Naomi actually ends up writing a sad country love song about Apollo after he left, she titled it Suburn, not knowing how fitting the title is until years later, it becomes one of her most popular songs

-Naomi travels a lot for her career, touring around Texas and some nearby states, and that’s why Will stays at camp year round, but they write to each other frequently and love each other sm

-Naomi doesn’t date much since she’s always busy with her career and traveling, she’s just not ready to settle down yet, she’s happy living as a free spirit and a single mom with a wonderful son

-Naomi is 100% supportive of Will’s sexuality and loves Nico to bits (Nico is a little awkward around her at first bc he’s not used to affection lol)

-She tells Nico stories abt Will when he was a kid, whipping out photo albums and everything and Will is like mom s t a h p ur embarrassing me in front of my bf and Nico is reveling in how red his face gets

Latricia Lake 🎶

-she met Apollo when he was posing as a street performer for fun on the streets of the college town she worked in

-she put a tip in his guitar case and complimented his playing and his voice, Apollo was pleased by this and complimented her in turn, saying she must know her music which made Latricia laugh because she is a professor

-the two of them hit it off and start dating, spending hours talking about music

-being the god of music, Apollo could tell when people really loved music, feeling loved in return, and Latricia was one of those people

-being a college professor, Latricia was a bit older than Apollo’s usual lovers (she’s like in her mid to late 20s) and Apollo looks like 21, so he jokingly starts calling her a cougar just to tease her (when he’s so full of shit bc he’s over 3 thousand years older than her)

-Apollo attended some of her lectures, watching from the back of the room and her students were like ooh who’s that hot guy and she was like my bf and their jaws dropped bc daaamn ms lake way to go (Apollo found those reactions very amusing lol)

-There are many times when Latricia considers smacking that smug smirk off Apollo’s face, but she refrains and smacks his ass instead

-Apollo claims Latricia only loves him for his pancakes bc he made them for her the morning after their first time as a way to get her to keep him around lol (and it worked a little too well)

-When Latricia got pregnant Apollo told her who/what he really was and that was a bit too much for Latricia so they stopped dating but Apollo gave her the briefing about demigod children, powers, monsters, camp half blood, etc before he left

-One day when her sitter had to cancel on her she brought Austin to her class and all the college kids thought he was so cute that Latricia started bringing him around more often, Austin was just a baby but she could tell he loved the attention by the way he was gurgling lol (like father like son)

-Latricia is p busy since she’s a professor but she always makes time for her son and she has been teaching Austin about music since he was a kid, he grew up surrounded by it and that’s why he loves it sm (that and being a son of Apollo)

-On his 10th birthday there was a really nice new saxophone with a ribbon at the foot of his bed (a gift from Apollo) Austin always thought his mom bought it for him and Latricia just didn’t correct him

-Latricia sent Austin to camp half blood when he told her he saw a monster at school, he was only 11 but Latricia would rather be safe then sorry

-Latricia actually met someone while Austin was at his first year of camp, Austin was a little unsure around the guy at first but more out of awkwardness than anything the guy was lacking

-Austin and him bonded over “being boys” as Latricia put it (they blew up hot dogs in the microwave together) and the man soon had her son’s stamp of approval

-They ended up getting married the next year and Austin played the saxophone at their wedding

-Latricia was the first subscriber to his YouTube channel and showed all her coworkers and students her son’s videos, she’s a proud mama

Darren Knowles 🏹

-gay (obviously)

-he loves the outdoors and the crisp cold weather of Canada

-met Apollo when he saw him checking out the flier he had pinned up advertising his archery classes, Darren asked if he was gonna join and Apollo not so subtly checked Darren out over his sunglasses and was like well now I’m def joining

-Darren lowkey thought Apollo was a dumb American tourist at first and Apollo keeps telling him he’s not American and Darren is like uh huh

-Apollo is such a flirt during class and actually misses a few shots bc he too busy staring at Darren lol, but that does give the opportunity for Darren to come and “correct” his stance

-Darren is determined to be a professional with his students but he ends up caving because Apollo is just,, so cute

-Then when they start going on actual dates he finds out Apollo isn’t some dumb blond and is actually really intelligent and educated and Darren is like oh no my weakness, guys who are goofs but not dumb and also hot (Apollo be checking all of his boxes lol)

-Apollo told Darren he was a god while drunk off his ass one night and Darren didn’t believe a fucking word, Apollo just rolled with the drunken nonsense thing the next morning and didn’t tell Darren again (until Kayla)

-Darren lives alone but he’s always wanted a family, he was kicked out by his parents for being gay and he knows if he was a parent he would never treat his child like that, he’d love them unconditionally like his parents should’ve loved him

-Apollo magically created a child for Darren after the man confessed to him how much he wanted a kid of his own

-Darren was happy but like really confused because h... how? And Apollo is just like magic~ which explains fuck all

-Apollo tells him he has to leave now, he was having to leave soon anyway because of some trouble brewing back in America, but that he wanted to do this one last thing for Darren before he left

-he tells him to have take care raising the baby and to send her to cbh’s address when she starts attracting monsters, then poofs away, leaving Darren with a baby in his arms and wondering what the hell just happened

-Darren does raise Kayla with love and care just as he said he would, she grows up hiking through the woods with her dad and learning archery along with other wilderness skills (Artemis would really like her)

-Kayla has her aspirations for the Olympics pretty early on and Darren admires his daughter’s ambition, at first he thinks it’s just her being a kid but then later on as she keeps getting better and better he’s like damn she might actually be able to do it

-But then ofc monsters come and Darren drives her down to New York, lying through his teeth to the border guy who surprisingly lets him through without a problem (Apollo may have insured that but shhh)

-Darren sees her off at the barrier of Thalia’s pine tree and they say goodbye with a hug that lifts Kayla off her feet, there’s promises to write and reminders to practice her archery and take care of her bow and such before Kayla is escorted into camp by some other campers

-Darren managed to keep a hold of himself while saying goodbye but as soon as he’s back in the car he’s fucking bawling, all the way back to Canada because he’s gonna miss his little girl sm

-Darren has had some boyfriends but a lot of them end up jetting as soon as he tells them he has a kid ripp

-He does eventually land a good man and they’re going strong, even when Kayla, who was like 10 at the time, threatened to shoot him in the nads if he hurt her dad

-Darren and shows up to every archery match Kayla has in the future and promises to be there cheering for her with a big ass sign that says THATS MY DAUGHTER when she eventually reaches the Olympics

Bonus!

Georgina’s Mom 🎨

-She was an art student in community college

-She was on her own because her parents refused to support her “unrealistic” career choice

-She met Apollo at a party at some college dorm and they both got super smashed bc college parties be like that

-They had a one night stand that both of them mostly forgot about in favor of their hangovers the next morning

-until Hello!! You have a kid!

-She is most likely dead given that Georgina was led to the waystation by a ghost

-But Georgina has two new mommies now who love her very much (and an awkward dad)

[vanserraseris]

END OF PART I - Literally can’t believe I just sat here and posted that 500 characters at a time lol I hope you’re not too disappointed with this, I’m well aware it’s a bit of a disaster but it’s been real nice sending it to you :))

haha its unreal but i loved it sm!!! thanks for sending <3 btw if you want to send me a summary, i can add it into the masterlist!

here’s part 1 in full!

Prince of Ashes. Part I.

masterlist.

Eris could feel his heart beating as he ran through the halls of The Forest House. His breaths were unsteady and panicked, but he tried to school his features into a mask of calm in case he ran into his father. He adjusted the sword at his side, had grabbed the weapon and shoved it messily in his belt as he’d rushed out of his room. The torches he passed along the walls flared brightly, as if in warning. Eris hoped his father hadn’t done anything foolish.

The rumble of magic that had passed through the estate could only mean something horrible had happened. Eris didn’t slow down as he practically slammed through the doors of his mother’s chambers, not caring that he hadn’t bothered to put a tunic over his thin undershirt and knowing he looked ridiculous in an old pair of brown leather boots.

Eris paused at what he saw once he spotted the woman who’d raised him. He was not expecting his mother to be weeping at the healthy babe in her arms, her shoulders hunched as her breath hitched every so often.

Eris had perfected his carefully crafted image. He was the Tamer of Flames, the Heir of Autumn, the Prince of Ashes. He was calculated and hateful on his good days, cruel and horrible on his bad days. He wanted to be a son his father could be proud of, and he wanted to be a son his mother could look in the eye. As he stood in the doorway of his mother’s room, he bounced on the balls of his feet, feeling very much like a nervous child instead.

“Mother,” Eris breathed, not knowing if he should approach. Eris had been in the middle of reading through some reports when he’d felt the magic, he must have looked a mess after having run through the halls of The Forest House like some youngling.

“Eris?” His mother asked through her tears, more emotion than Eris had seen from her in centuries. “What’s happened?” Eris said as he walked towards them, his tone uncharacteristically soft. The pulse of angry magic that Eris had felt minutes before had worried him, but looking at both his mother and the seemingly healthy child had Eris very confused.

His mother merely shook her head and carefully placed the little bundle in Eris’ arms. Eris had only ever held one of his brothers when they’d been this small and fragile. It must be a girl, Eris thought, why else would his father be so angry, why else would his mother weep. He felt an odd sadness, pitying any female born into this court. “I want to name him Lucien,” his mother whispered, as if it were a secret.

Eris was only more confused, “Cauldon bless him,” he muttered, moving the blankets so that he could peer at the face of his brother. The baby’s eyes were closed, his mouth slightly parted as he huffed tiny breaths in his sleep.

“Eris, I must ask something of you,” his mother tugged on the loose sleeve of his shirt, her other hand wiping the tears from her cheeks. Eris was still looking at the child in his arms, but he nodded for her to go on. His mother never asked anything of him and Eris had never asked anything of his mother. “You must protect him.”

Eris nodded again. He thought he’d done a particularly good job at taking care of Rufus since his mother had been an empty shell when he’d been born. Not that Eris could blame her, he figured spending too much time around Beron was the cause. Eris had kept Rufus as far away from his father as he could, and while Rufus had a reputation for taking nothing seriously, all things considered, he was a good male.

“Give me your vow.” Eris furrowed his auburn brows, glancing to his mother as she gently took the child from his arms and placed him in his cradle. Strange, Eris thought, but would not question it. His mother had said it so firmly that Eris had been reminded of the female he remembered from his childhood. 

“I give you my vow, my solemn oath, to protect this child,” Eris said, unwavering eyes on his mother.

“Beron wants him dead,” she said softly, calmly.

“What?” Eris snapped, probably much harsher than he needed to be. 

“Your father wants to leave the babe to the elements,” she reached for Eris’s hand, but he jerked away from his mother. Fool, Eris thought, he was a fool. Hadn’t his father taught him since he could speak to never give anyone his oath. 

“Why?” Eris growled, and while he might have been frustrated with having agreed to his mother’s wishes, he was horrified at the thought that his father would kill an innocent child.

Even if the High Lord of the Autumn Court did not care much for his sons, he had always valued them as political pawns. Fae children were rare, his father had always known they would grow to be assets. Eris had spent much of his life fearing what his father would do to him and his brothers in anger, but he found a strange comfort in knowing Beron would never kill one of his sons. Eris looked at his mother, mouth dropping open slightly.

Eris took great pride in the fact that his emotions never openly showed on his face, not unless he wanted them to, but he couldn’t help it. Eris was a little horrified, a little concerned. His mother had gone off and had an affair, right under Beron’s nose, the runt in the cradle was his half-brother. Eris needed a strong fucking drink to swallow that realization. No. Beron would never kill one of his sons.

His mother looked at Eris with devastation, she sniffled once, ran a hand through her hair. She looked tired, but Eris couldn’t remember the last time his mother had looked so alive. “Eris, please, he… he is still your brother, please. Your father has doubts, but it is mere speculation.” She lifted her face to look up at her eldest son, “If he is under your protection …” She broke off then, looking at Eris with hopeful russett eyes.

Eris nearly flinched at her words, of course Lucien was still his brother, he thought. And not only that, but he’d vowed to keep the runt safe. Eris didn’t need to be a seer to know this vow would become a problem at some point, but he pushed those negative thoughts from his head. Eris moved to look into the crib, at the small babe inside it, “Are you sure about calling him Lucien?” 

His mother’s shoulders sagged with relief, “What’s the matter with it?”

Eris tilted his head to the side as he continued to stare at his youngest brother. “Mother, his name means sunshine in the Old Tongue, perhaps you should reconsider.” 

His mother flashed him a small smile, momentarily shocking Eris, “It means light.” 

“I hardly think that’s any better,” Eris was debating whether or not to ask who the father was when he heard the loud steps approaching the room, and he turned to face the carved doors of his mother’s chambers with a deep breath.

The doors slammed open with a loud crash, Eris was surprised the babe didn’t wake. “Give me the child,” Beron said with a frighteningly quiet voice. 

“Father,” Eris said, warning in his tone. Eris was many things, but he wasn’t an oath-breaker. 

“Do not involve yourself in matters that do not concern you,” Beron spat, “Give me the child.” 

Eris moved closer to his father, his hand moving towards the sword at his side, “Father.”

The High Lord of Autumn paused, looking at his son carefully. Eris let golden flames flare in his eyes. His father stood straighter, eyes flicking to the hand Eris had placed on the hilt of his weapon. “You would fight me, boy?” His father laughed with no amusement before he flashed a taunting smile in Eris’s direction, “You would fight me?” Eris knew that perhaps he should have reconsidered his approach to the whole situation when he felt the magic in the room swell.

The crackling magic that flowed through Eris’s veins was lethal, but not as strong as his father’s. Eris lifted his chin, “Father, leave the child.” Beron reached for his own weapon, and Eris drew his sword. His father was more experienced, and Eris knew his talents did not lie in combat, but he would fight for this. If he died, though, he worried what Beron would do to Rufus, but he wouldn’t let Beron leave Lucien to the elements. At least not without a fight.

“Eris!” His mother moved to stand between them, but Eris pushed her back with his arm. He would regret sending her crashing against the wardrobe later, but he was much too focused on his father to care too much about that now. Beron lunged at Eris with his sword, and Eris easily deflected the blow that was aimed at his chest. Eris’s amber eyes widened, but he wasn’t entirely sure why it shocked him to know that his father would strike to kill.

Eris had to lead his father away from his mother and the child, so with a small snarl Eris threw himself at his father, his sword arcing in the air. With a powerful blow, Beron stumbled out into the hall. The servants that had dutifully been attending to their business shrieked as their swords slammed together, the sound of metal against metal echoing as the servants ran away from them.

Beron was much stronger than Eris. He had been fighting for much longer, and Eris knew that if he started using his magic against his father, his father would respond with magic much stronger than his. Eris parried his father’s first series of blows, but it was an effort. High Lords were a different breed, and with each clash of their swords, Eris was reminded of that fact. “Ungrateful,” his father spat, cutting Eris on the thigh with a long swipe of his sword.

Eris heard his mother screaming at Beron to stop, and he knew that the cut along his leg was deep, but he managed to whirl out of the way of his father’s blade as it came frighteningly close to his neck. Eris put all his weight in the next swing of his sword, and Beron grinned as their swords met and they faced each other. “Why protect the little runt?” Beron’s grin merely widened, “You wish to have another brother fight you for the throne?”

Eris flashed him a crooked grin in return, ignoring the pain in his leg as he spoke to his father over the cross of their swords. “I am not afraid.” 

“Perhaps you should be.” Eris could not respond fast enough as his father stopped pushing against him, and Eris lost his balance. It was only a moment, but it was enough. Beron’s blade skidded across the edge of Eris’s sword, and Eris knew he had made a terrible mistake. Beron thrust his blade into Eris’ side.

Eris felt blank, he vaguely realized he’d cried out as his father twisted the blade before his own weapon fell from his weak fingers. He didn’t hear the sound of it as it dropped against the floor, the roaring in his ears was much too loud. “Are you happy now, Eris,” Beron said, putting a hand up to his son’s face in a strangely father-like gesture, the other still tightly gripping the sword in Eris’s side. “I have lost a son this night.”

Fingers curling in Eris’s long hair, Beron pulled his eldest son to him and placed a kiss to his temple. In his entire life, Beron had never shown any affection to Eris, and if Eris had been able to think properly, he would have been shocked. Eris groaned as his father yanked the blade back, his shaking hands going to the wound at his side as his legs faltered and he fell to his knees. Ruby red blood glimmered on the silver blade of his father’s sword.

Eris tried to take a deep breath, but found that his lungs wouldn’t let him. Eris coughed, feeling blood drip down his chin. He supposed that he should not have expected to beat his father in a duel. Eris felt like he was drowning. As a youngling he’d tripped on a rope and fallen off a dock in the Spring Court and into a lake, not knowing how to swim and in a panic, Eris had thrashed as water filled his lungs.

Each breath had burned in a way that Eris had never imagined he’d feel as the heir of the Autumn Court. Surely, Eris would have died had his mother not pulled him out of the water, sobbing as she’d told him to hold her hand next time. His mother was sobbing now as she fell to her knees in front of Beron, begging him to stop. Eris slumped forward with a gasp, the burning feeling in his chest becoming nearly unbearable.

He made a strange choked noise as more blood filled his mouth and Eris gritted his teeth as someone dropped down by his side. “You alright, Eris?” Rufus asked, his face close to Eris’s as he put his hands around Eris’s arm, trying to help him up. Eris looked at his younger brother through the curtain of his red hair, “Hello, hey, you alright?” Rufus repeated, russett eyes wide.

“Never better,” Eris rasped as more blood dripped from his mouth onto the marble floors. Eris tried to lift himself up with Rufus’s help. He couldn’t stand, Eris noticed, and put all his weight on his younger brother. Rufus laughed nervously, the sound hollow to Eris’s ears. Holding a hand to the wound on Eris’ side and abandoning his attempt to get Eris up off the floor, Rufus moved the hair from Eris’s face. With the back of his hand, Rufus wiped at the blood along Eris’s chin before he spoke. Eris wasn’t really worried, but he could tell from the tone of Rufus’s voice that he probably should be. 

Cato’s voice rang like a bell in the nearly empty hall, “What the hells happened here?” Calm and steady and definitely not worried. Cato would soon become heir, Eris thought briefly, all his brother had ever wanted and he hadn’t even lifted a finger to get it. 

“Your brother seems to have forgotten his place,” Beron replied with equal calm.

Rufus snarled softly, having been the youngest of six for thirty years, no one paid him any attention, especially not father, and Eris knew Rufus favoured him. Eris would be lying if he told anyone he didn’t favour Rufus as well. Eris could feel his eyelids drooping, but he watched as Maddox ran towards them from the other side of the hall, Priam close behind him. Eris felt heavy, so he leaned into Rufus, pain flaring through his side.

His vision was becoming blurred and he could barely hear his mother begging Beron to spare him and Lucien. The last thing Eris remembered before he lost consciousness was staring at his sword, thinking that the ruby eyes of the lion’s head on the hilt glowed with flames.

[lombredanslaeu]

𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒎𝒑 𝒅𝒆 𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒔 | jung jaehyun.

plot: the story of jung jaehyun and the implications of his relationship with the ceo’s daughter - all the saccharine, the bitter, and the sour. word count 7405

genre: angst, fluff

warnings: curse words 

playlist: the louvre lorde | hard feelings lorde | the girl city & colour | i dont wanna be okay without you charlie bug

this isn’t proofread, so i apologize for any mistakes. feedback is highly appreciated, it motivates me to write more. <3

“Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are: “It might have been.” - Kurt Vonnegut

I.

Contrary to the public belief, the daughter of one of the biggest entertainment companies in the country isn’t as snippy and snobby as the world pictures her to be. Growing up, you never failed to respect everyone, regardless of their social status. That’s why the world seemed to be in shock when a photo of you, Doyoung, and Johnny spread like wildfire all over social networking sites.

“Why are people so in shock about me being friends with you guys?” You inquired, shoving a spoon of cheesecake to your mouth.

“They’re probably wondering why the hell you’re friends with losers like us.” Johnny replied.

“Oh yeah, that’s probably it.” You agreed. Johnny faked a hurting face, causing everyone in the room to burst into small laughters and smiles.

A swing of the dorm’s door revealed three more of the boys. Mark Lee, Kim Jungwoo, and Jung Jaehyun. How do you begin with Jung Jaehyun?

Everyone fawned over the boy. Who wouldn’t? With a cherub face and charming smile, anyone would fall head over heels over Jaehyun. You blamed his looks, you blamed his voice, and you blamed Doyoung for pointing everything Jaehyun did excellently. You blamed everything else but yourself for having a stupid crush on the boy.

“Oh, I bought you guys cheesecake.” You smiled at the newcomers.

“You’re heaven-sent, Y/N!” Jungwoo exclaimed.

“Thanks, Y/N.” Jaehyun said, with that godly smile that he always wore. You smiled off the racing beats of your heart, concious that Doyoung or Johnny might notice your sudden tension.

Unbeknowsnt to you, one of them already knows. And he has a plan to accomplish.

The warm sun was normally a pleasant thing for you. However, your lack of sleep and rest the previous night was overtaking your personality today. The busy chatters of the students that walk through the premises of Seoul National University fileld your ears. It was a normal day - lectures, presentations, and countless pages to read. You’re already on your third year of college, you should have been used to this by now. Another misconception about you is that you don’t have a personal driver to drive you to and from places; heck, you don’t even own your own car yet. You don’t do it very often but you bratty side is cursing your parents for trying to make you live independently. You made a mental note to complain to them later that night.

A resounding beep from your phone made you halt your walk.

Jung Jaehyun (SM): Hey! Are you around SNU right now?

That’s weird. You thought. It was actually more new than weird. Sure, you and Jaehyun are friends but you don’t think you’ve already reached the level of texting each other all of a sudden.

You: Yeah! Do you need anything?

Jung Jaehyun: I’m actually quite lost.

Jung Jaehyun: Doyoung told me to buy something from this home depot around SNU.

Jung Jaehyun: Do you know where Rosé Palace is?

You chuckled at his sentiment. Your palms sweat by the fact that you just might see him today. You didn’t look your best at this very moment, you didn’t feel the need to fix yourself since your main plan for today was just go to school.

You: I know where that is. Where are you right now?

Jung Jaehyun: I’m here near the musuem.

After a few walks and turns, you found the poor man. He wore all black clothing, with a mask and a bucket hat probably to hide his identity.

“Hey, I’m sorry for being a bother.” He apologized.

“Oh, no! It’s okay! I was done with school anyway.” You quickly respond. “Rosé Palace is actually very near here.”

“Oh, is it?” Jaehyun spoke. “I’m sorry, I really should have just tried finding it instead of bothering you.”

“Stop, it’s really not a problem.” You assured him.

You expected the walk to the location to be awkward. After all, you and Jaehyun doesn’t talk much. He would only ever talk to you whenever someone is also in the conversation.

“Do you live around SNU?” Jaehyun asked.

“Nope,” You answered. “I live at my parent’s home. I don’t dorm here.”

“Really? Do you commute?”

“I actually do.”

“You’re not scared?”

“Not a lot of people know who I am, Jaehyun. They just see me as another tired, college girl.”

“Must be nice not having people know who you are.” His tone seemed down and almost envious.

“Hey, you should be happy people know your name.” You said. “I could probably die right now and no one would bat an eye until they find out I’m a daughter of a CEO.”

“That’s not true!” He spoke. “I’d bat an eye!”

You laughed at him. “Of course, you would.”

Jaehyun emitted a soft chuckle. You were definitely not someone he would casually walk around with. He didn’t think he was worthy of your time, anyway. But then again, you’re friends with every single of the members so you’re probably very nice. And right now, he proved that hypothesis correct. He silently thanked Doyoung for asking him to buy those set of plates for his mother’s birthday.

The next time you and Jaehyun hung out was during one of the company gatherings. According to Taeyong, “you spent so much time with Jaehyun that Doyoung and Johnny got jealous.” You never realized that yourself. One topic in a conversation led to another and before you know it, the gathering is about to end and you still haven’t spared any of the members a glance.

“Is your dad okay with you being so close with Jaehyun?” Doyoung asked.

“Why would he not be okay with that?” You answered his question with another question. “He seems to be okay with me being close friends with all of you.”

“Hmm, yeah,” Johnny trailed. “Sure, that’s the situation here.”

You only looked at him with confusion drawn all over your face.

“Do I sense some sarcasm on your tone?”

“What? Sarcasm? Fuck no!”

 II.

It was during their live online concert that Jaehyun realized. In front of them are hundred of pixelated screens, some more distorted than the others. And yet, he still saw you, he still recognized you with a blink of an eye. You’re in a small screen almost at the edge. The other members didn’t notice you, they probably didn’t even know you were attending. He saw you, amongst the landscape of faces, he saw you. That’s when he realized. Jaehyun swallowed a small smile, fearing that Yuta, who’s arm is draped over Jaehyun’s shoulder, would sense something.

This isn’t the first time he realized that he was in love you. It was probably when he kissed you for the first time and the next time, and the next time.

“You love kissing me, don’t you?” You whispered against his lips.

The two of you did not even make it to bed when you decided to lock your lips together for the nth time that night.

“I do.” He replied. “How about you?”

“I love everything that you do to me.”

The night grew feverish. The two of you still hasn’t talked about the current status of whatever relationship you both have. You act like lovers but never brought it upon yourselves to admit that you’re smitten. Maybe Jaehyun felt embarrassed that he was the first to fall in love you. He probably will never admit that soon. The fear of nothing having his feelings reciprocated was bubbling inside him. However, the answers are right in front of his eyes. You have an exam tomorrow but instead of buring your eyebrows to study, you’re here between his arms, making out with him.

He didn’t know if it was love. He doesn’t like anything else about you except for your smile, your eyes, your angelic laughter, and the way he feels whenever you’re around. He feels at peace, he feels as if his feet are in the clouds. They could disperse any moment, causing him plummet to the ground. But he has no intention of going elsewhere. If falling to rock bottom would be caused by you, he would be more than willing to experience that.

Oh yeah, I’m in love. The only thought that lingered on his mind until he saw you in person again.

“Nice job tonight, Jae.” Your honey voice immersed from the speakers of Jaehyun’s phone.

“You actually watched.”

“Of course, I would. How could I miss that?” You chuckled, awakening the annoying butterflies inside Jaehyun’s veins.

A muffled clinking of glass could be heard through Jaehyun’s end. “Are you guys drinking?”

“Perhaps?” Jaehyun smiled through his response. Johnny and Taeyong’s loud bickering confirmed your suspicion.

“Celebrating the concert?”

“We’re not drinking.”

“Okay, I believe you.” It was your turn to smile at his silliness.

There was a brief moment of silence between you two. You could hear the faint breathing of Jaehyun and for a minute, you might have believed he fell asleep on you. A soft giggle proved you wrong. Just the mere fact of having you on the other side of the line was enough to make Jaehyun turn soft.

There was a loud argument inside his head. His job is unforgiving especially in terms of forming a romantic relationship with someone. If making friendships with others idols would be a walk on broken glass, what more could a romantic relationship be? The fact that you’re also the daughter of his boss didn’t help with his dilemma at all. It could either break his career or your relationship with your father. Jaehyun isn’t afraid of taking risk, yet somehow, he was scared of making another step towards you. When he realized that he was helplessly in love with you, he became scared of ever seeing you again. But despite it all, he still managed to say the worst thing he could have told you that night: “I’m in love with you.”

 III.

You had every chance to realize. Each time he would stretch his schedule to make a spot for you, even every time he would spam your messages just to ask if you’ve made it home safely. You were not new to dating bans being imposed of idols. Although your father never directly imposed such thing to his recent employees, you knew full well not to meddle with the busy and demanding life of an idol. So, Jaehyun was a problem.

Another one of your problems was when Jaehyun kissed you for the first time the other night. You didn’t know what lead him to do such thing and to be frank, Jaehyun didn’t know what came to him either.

Normally, the secluded and narrow walkway you and Jaehyun are currently walking on would send chills through your spine. The comforting feeling of having someone beside you, and thankfully it’s Jung Jaehyun, made you feel safe despite the thrilling nature of the walkway. The tiring activities of moving in your stuff to your new apartment lingered through your bones.

“Do you always come walk here after school?” He asked, his breath forming smoke in the cold air.

“I do,” You answered. Jaehyun spun his head towards with a face full of worry. “I never leave school very late anyway. In daylight, this place is filled with people so it’s not that scary.”

Your information made Jaehyun release a sigh of relief. Good to know that he won’t need to worry as much about you walking this scary place at this time of the night.

“Thanks for helping me move my stuff to my apartment.” You spoke.

“It’s my pleasure to help you in all kinds of things.”

Heat formed in your cheeks. If you’re not wearing a thick scarf around your neck, you’re sure Jaehyun would notice the small smile you have.

“Hey,” His gloved hand touched your forearm briefly to call your attention. “It still wonders me how we never hung out before.”

“We just never had the chance I guess?” You shrugged.

Before you was a beautiful piece of art. You wondered how someone so charming and handsome could even exist. Not a single flaw was present in Jaehyun’s appearance, meanwhile you could list ten things you wish you could change about the way you look in an instant. You didn’t feel worthy of his attention. You spent a good 30 seconds just staring at him and he did the same.

“Can I do something?” Jaehyun asked, swallowing a lump in his throat.

“Sure.”

Jaehyun leaned down to meet your face. Placing a hand behind your neck, his lips joined yours. Oh my god, Jung Jaehyun is kissing me!

It took a second or two for you to reciprocate the kiss. His lips felt cold but what made you shiver was the booming feeling in your chest. The kiss wasn’t lustful, it was a steady and endearing kiss. He pulled away after a moment. In his face was the cute smile and a set of dimples.

“I want to hang out with you for the rest of my life.” He said.

“I want to hang out with you too, for as long as you want me to be.”

It also didn’t help that you’ve only came to terms with your feelings just recently. Behind your laptop was a pile of readings waiting to be read. University was your top priority yet, here you are. Looking immensely through your laptop screen with the whole universe in your eyes. That was when you realized. You were willing to put Jaehyun above anything else in your life.

You and Jaehyun was undeniably spending a lot of time with each other. It surprised you that no fans or news outlet has caught you and Jaehyun strolling around the city. You enjoyed being outside, you loved the city and everything that came with it. Jaehyun knew full well not to spend so much time outside with his manager. But, he could never say no to your requests. He don’t why either. Whenever he risked getting caught just to spend time with you, the universe has given multiple chances to realize how you felt about him. Unfortunately, oblivion has spread all over your system like a poison. It was only until tonight that you finally got the taste of the antidote.

You knew the consequences, you knew the implications. He was drunk and you knew full well that there’s a chance he might not meant what he said.

“I’m in love with you as well, Jae.”

 IV.

The gloomy atmosphere of the skies mimicked how you felt that day. Your eyes lingered on your phone screen, it has been that way for about 30 minutes now.

Dad: No one can know about you and Jaehyun. Not even the members.

You were doubting the relationship yourself. Was this a good decision? Jaehyun never made your relationship feel like a mistake. Yet, here you are, thinking that what if being with Jaehyun was nothing but a mistake. You never meant for your parents to find out. However, it would dumb of you to think that you could keep this from them forever, or at least until Jaehyun retires.

“I expected you to know how complicated dating is in the industry.” Your father’s voice wasn’t loud but it was chilling and stern.

“Of course, I know that-” You started.

“Then, why did I wake up this morning bombarded with the news that you and Jaehyun are dating?”

You couldn’t answer him. You knew from the start the complications of your relationship with Jaehyun. There was fear and anxiety bubbling in your heart; and beneath it all, there was a small tinge of regret. That growing seed of regret was something you decided to shrug off. You would never admit to anyone that you felt that way.

“Jaehyun is one of my most popular idol.” Your father spoke again. “If the fans repulse him, my stocks could be damaged.”

You kept your head low. “I understand.”

“I’m not asking you to break up with him.” He announced, causing to look up at him. “But if I receive a news article about the two of you, you know what to expect.”

The leaves grew heavy as the raindrops drenched them. Suddenly, a warm pair of arms snuggled you close to their person.

“I don’t want to leave you while you’re this upset.” Jaehyun whispered.

“Don’t worry about me, babe.” You said. “I’ll be fine soon.”

You heard him drop a heavy sigh. Jaehyun was struggling as well. The last thing you want to do was to bring more stress on him.

“I want to go to Paris too.” You suddenly spoke.

“It baffles me how someone from a rich family as you has never been to Paris.” He said, rubbing comforting circles on your exposed arms.

“My family doesn’t like going out of the country.”

“I wish I could take you to Paris with me.”

“No.” You sat up a little. “This is your time to have fun with your fans and the guys. I know my parents has been really stressful for the both of us.”

“I don’t care about the world as long as you’re with me, Y/N.”

You stared at him for a moment. Before you know it, your lips were entangled with his. The sweet taste of Jaehyun and the bitter reality of your family made you press into him a little harder. Jaehyun wrapped his arms tightly around you as he savored every flavor of you that he could taste right now.

Under his heavy breathing, he spoke, “Promise me something?”

“What?”

“Be with me always, Y/N.” He said, with every bit of love and pleading that he could ever give. Tears were starting to burn in your eyes. You weren’t planning to spend this day with him crying.

“I promise, Jaehyun.” You responded, offering every ounce of sincerity you have in you. “Can you promise me that as well?”

“I could only show you once we get there, Y/N.” He replied. “Even if we won’t be together tomorrow, go to Paris ten years from now and see for yourself if I uphold my side of the promise.”

 V.

Many people have told you that love isn’t always pink skies and candy hearts. But, it sure as hell not sitting behind a computer screen, watching your boyfriend flirt with other idols. You sighed and close your eyes.

It’s okay, Y/N. He’s just putting up the facade that he’s single and ready to mingle. You’ve been dating him for almost two years now, get used to it.

“Did it ever occur to you that maybe he’s just dating you to secure a place in the group?” Areum said. Areum is one of your closest college friends, the only person you shared your secret with. She was trustworthy, you’re willing to testify with that. However, came with her loyal and reliable aspect was the fact that she’s so fucking straightforward. She just have the ability to sense bullshit from anyone and she’s not afraid on waking people up.

You scoff. Half you wants her to be wrong and the other believed her.

“No, he’s not.” You said. “Why would you even think that?”

“I just got the vibe.” She shrugged her shoulders. “You don’t have to fully believe what I say, Y/N.”

“Damn, if you don’t like him for me, you could have just told me directly.”

“It’s not that I don’t like him for you, Y/N.” Areum’s tone was more serious now. “I care for you. I know that people can manipulate you in every way that they can to get on your good side.”

“Stop accusing Jaehyun of such things.”

It was safe to say that you’ve gone cold to Areum after that conversation. You hated that she might be right but you’re too full of pride to even admit that. But you know Jaehyun better than Areum knows him.

You tried. You tried to forget what Areum said. But the thought still lingers inside your head and now everything that Jaehyun did made you wonder if he’s doing it to stay secured in the company. You don’t have the power that your father has but he’s dating his boss’ daughter and you have a great influence on your dad’s decisions.

“You should have called me to let me know you were working late.” You said, frustration clear in your voice. It’s already an hour before midnight and you have not heard from Jaehyun until the moment he knocked on your apartment door. Ever since you moved in two years ago, Jaehyun has been spending a lot of nights there; he unofficialy lives there. His managers would have been pissed off by now but then, again, you are their boss’ daughter.

“The comeback is almost near.” He said, replicating your frustration. “You should have known that work will be tight now.”

“You could have sent me a simple text so I don’t have to worry where you are.”

“You don’t have to worry where I am, Y/N.” His tone was grim. “Do you really expect me to send you a text while I’m busy? I could have finish so much during the time I’m texting you.”

You took a sharp and deep breath. The anger and hurt were like tornados revolving deep inside you. It was normal for couples to fight but the frustration seems to build up one fight after another. Some days, you just wanted to fight with him. You don’t know what’s the reason or excuse for your sudden urge to form an argument with Jaehyun.

“I asked you to start the kettle for me.” He said. Now, his eyebrows were furrowed in clear frustration and his lips rid of their usual sweetness. His hand holding up the cold kettle.

“I’m sorry, I must have forgotten.” You said, your voice was low but it didn’t sound weak.

“I asked you to do one little thing for me, Y/N.” The loud bang of the kettle hitting the stove made you jump. Your heart raced at the sudden noise but it didn’t diminish your anger.

“And I asked you to do one little thing for me as well.” You fight back.

“Asking me to update you all the time is not a little thing.”

“All I’m asking is for you to take maybe a minute to text me where you are!” You roared. “I’ve been worried sick about where you are!”

“You know I’m just in the building, right?” He retorted. “Why? Do you expect me to be elsewhere?”

“Are you implying that I think you’re cheating?” You said, with a small laugh.

“Why else would you be so worried about where I am when you fully know I’m working?” He kept answering you with a question and it was getting tiring.

“I never said anything about you being unfaithful.” You stated. “Why are you getting so defensive all of a sudden? Is there a reason for me to be thinking that?”

“You’re unbelievable, Y/N. Out of all the things I’ve risked for you.” Jaehyun shook his head. “You’re unbelievable and ungrateful.”

The words stung. It was like Cupid shot a salty arrow towards the wound in your chest. He think you’re ungrateful. For a moment, you blamed yourself. Maybe, I am ungrateful and unreasonable. And before you could think about what to say, you said the words you were going to regret for the rest of your life.

“You know, I think you’re only dating me to keep a place in the company.”

You had to reason to say that. It was a sudden burst of the moment and you immediately regret it. Jaehyun gave you no reason to even think that. Your insecurity and fear got in you and you were on the brink of ruining everything. How did it come to this? You were about to retract your statement when Jaehyun turned his back against you for the first time in his life.

 VI.

A penthouse was definitely too much for you. You never called it a penthouse though, you’ve always called it your apartment. It was great, finally moving out of your parents’ house even if it’s literally just ten minutes away. Everywhere you look, it reminds you of Jaehyun. He helped you move in everything and helped you settle in. The first few nights when you couldn’t sleep because everything was new and overwhelming, he was there to sing you your favorite The Smiths song. He didn’t know the lyrics at first so he just hummed the tune. He was sure he was doing it out of tune but he tried for you. The penthouse was big yet it was suffocating; but Jaehyun was there. It felt safe, it felt like home. You could sleep on the streets and you would still feel at peace as long as he’s there beside you.

Jaehyun couldn’t sleep either. You hurt him but he wasn’t going to deny that he hurt you too. And that’s the last thing he wants to do to you. Why did he turn his back when he knows that you’re just tired and worried? But why did you doubt him when you know he’s only doing his job as an idol? Jaehyun’s eyes immediately landed on the peach plush toy that you gave him for no reason, and then to the Franklin Wilson vinyl record that you spent so much money on. Most of the gifts you gave him, you gave him for no reason - not on an anniversary or on his birthday. You would just randomly give him something sometimes. Above all, you gave him immense love. You could date anyone you want, someone who is of great power and wealth. Yet, you decided to love him. When he’s with you, he’s devoid of all the consequences of the world. He forgot what aching felt like to the point that he forgot that the word exists. 

But right now, it all aches.

“I said I’m sorry, Jaehyun.” Your voice was paired with the painful tears that streamed your voice.

“Come on, Y/N, stop crying.” He pleaded, his own tears falling from his eyes. You crying pained Jaehyun so much, the fact that he was the reason behind it didn’t help either. All he wanted to do right now was to hug you, console you that he’s sorry and he didn’t meant it when he said he wanted to break up.

“I want someone who would never doubt my intentions of loving them.” He said through his tears. “I thought you were that someone.”

“Is there anything I could do to change your mind?”

Jaehyun shook his head, each turn tearing your heart apart. You blamed no one but yourself. If only you didn’t say those words. You wanted to beg but your sobs were choking your words, as if it knows better than to say something in fear that you’ll fuck everything up again.

Jaehyun didn’t care about what vengeance you would do. He knows you so well and he knew you wouldn’t do that to him. But, in a way, he wanted you to do to that to him. He wanted you to tell your father to fire him, kick him out of the company. He wanted that so that he can know you can feel better after having your heart broken by him. He wanted that so that he can be assured that you can finally be at peace. Yet, he knew you very well. What bothered him the most was what you’ll do to yourself. Will you drown yourself in tears and neglect your health & well-being? Will you start flunking in university? It worried him and he hated the fact that he needed to end the greatest thing in his life to avoid hurting you in the future.

Areum was quick on her feet to rush to your apartment after hearing the news.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” She quickly said.

You only hugged her. Letting your tears and sobs fall all over again.

“I’m sorry I even said those things about him.” She said. A part of you wanted to blame her but you saw the bigger picture. You chose to let those words stick to you and ended up hurting Jaehyun. And Jaehyun has better things to do than to be kept down by a relationship. You knew he was begging to be freed without him realizing that.

 VII.

The first time you saw Jaehyun was five months after your break up. Their recent comeback was a success and due to that, the company held a mini party to celebrate the boys’ hardwork. You shouldn’t have come but the pleading eyes of Doyoung and Johnny gave you no choice. They promised to keep you away from Jaehyun throughout the whole night. You doubted the plan first hand since you know Johnny and Jaehyun are drinking buddies. When there is alchohol, you best believe the two would be inseperable through the night.

Due to Mark Lee’s request, a karaoke console was present in the party. Taeil and Haechan were quick to have a duet before anyone else. They wanted to “bless the night with their voice.” You chuckled at their crazy antics. You definitely missed everyone. Ever since the break up, you focused more on your studies and in a few weeks, you’re off to graduate. The boys never failed to communicate with you through messages and video calls, but you never saw them as often as you used to do.

“Okay, everyone!” Mark screamed through the mic of the karaoke machine. “It’s my time to shine!”

You settled in a spot beside Jungwoo who offered you another cup of beer. The soft, mellow tune of the song began along with the title on the screen: “Leaves” by Ben & Ben. You heard Mark play this song in one of the lives he bugged you to watch in support. You never heard the first song and you didn’t really hear the song clearly in his live. But judging by the instrumentals, you conluded that it might be sad.

“And in the end, can you tell me if it was worth the try so I can decide,” Mark sang. His voice was heavenly but his tipsy nature made it funny.

You knew you weren’t supposed to be in this party. You already regret so many things in your life and now you’re adding this party to that list.

“Oh, you never really love someone until, you learn to forgive.”

Has Jaehyun forgiven you? The question suddenly came up as Mark sang that line. You felt like you don’t have the right to say that you’ve forgiven him. What did he do to you that would require forgiveness? Nothing. He needed to break away and that’s not a sin to anyone. You wondered if he has forgiven you - for doubting him and for making him feel like his love wasn’t enough. You wanted to punch yourself as you swallow the beer in hopes that it will kill the heartache.

Has she forgiven me? That question floats in Jaehyun’s mind even before the party. A love like yours was not something that is easy to forget. Jaehyun doesn’t think he could ever forget you or what your love felt like. It made his heels touch the sky and his fingertips reach the stars. He doesn’t know if you have forgiven him, for breaking your heart and for not giving it another try. Perhaps, he will never know the answer until the day he die.

The song has reached it’s climax. A series of “All will be alright in time” sung by Mark filled the ears of the listeners as the crowd grew silent, savoring the song. A voice inside of you asked you look at Jaehyun for the first time tonight. It’s been five months and being without him is enough punishment for you. You were going to give yourself the pleasure of looking at his face once again. He was five people away but, thankfully, you can still see him clearly. His head swayed lightly to the song before turning his head towards yours - not because your gaze burns but because he wanted to see your face again.

“Oh, you never really love someone until, you learn to forgive.”

The ending instrumentals played right after. As if living through the song, you offered him a small smile. Without thinking twice, he did the same.

That’s the answer to both of your questions.

The balcony of their dorms gave you a full view of the sleeping city. The faint sound of “Psycho” by Red Velvet crept it’s way from the dorm to the balcony. The sound became clear for a moment, an indication that someone opened the balcony door and closed it.

Jaehyun stood beside you, savoring the cold, night wind. You were both quiet.

“Can I hold you?” He suddenly asked.

You turned to him with confusion. You didn’t know why he would ask you that all of a sudden.

“Please?” He begged. “Before we admit that it’s done?”

Before you know it, your arms are wrapped around his torso for the last time.

 VIII.

The busy streets of the city became a lullaby to you. After graduating from college, you interned in one of the top architectural firms in the country. You gained your architecture license after two years but you never left the firm. Unlike your father, you’re not really the leader or boss type. You enjoyed working for and with others. The company felt like a small family. It was very exclusive so they don’t really have a lot of core members; to be amongst them was a privilege in itself. The senior architect, Nayeon, was busy today so she sent you to present the design you both proposed for one of your clients. You never met the client personally or even knew their names as this was your first initial meeting.

The sweet smell of croissants filled your nostrils as you entered the meeting place. The client requested to hold the meeting in a luxurious cafe just a few minutes away from your office. This client must be really rich to waste time on a meeting in a cafe like this. The wide array of the pastries brought back your childhood memories as your mother would bring you home croissants from this place before.

Along with your childhood memories, a familiar yet dear face looked up from their seat. It was no one else but Jung Jaehyun, still beautiful even after all these years.

Oh, isn’t life just really tender on me?

“Hey,” You greeted.

“Hey,” he replied.

There was awkwardness, of course. But you needed to be professional, after all it’s been eight years.

“Im Nayeon couldn’t make it today so I’m here on her behalf.” You stated. “Hope that’s okay for you?”

“Of course,” Jaehyun replied. Standing up to offer you a seat. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

You cleared your throat. You wanted to get out of there quickly so you immediately brought out the papers.

“Do you want something to drink?” He asked.

“No, thank you.” You declined with a smile.

Jaehyun felt foreign. It seems like he doesn’t know who you are anymore. Well, after all, it has been eight years. You’ve grown into someone he’s unfamiliar with.

As you present your plans, Jaehyun couldn’t help but drift in his own thoughts. He wondered about what might have been. If things didn’t end up the way that they did, where would the both of you be right now? He wanted to marry you. He would look at you every night and think to himself that this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Feelings change and so does what people think about others but he still wondered what would have been if he didn’t give up so easily.

But maybe, if the both of you held on that night, it could lead to even more damaging things. Jaehyun assured himself that he made the right decision instead of waiting for things to get worse. At least, right now, he has the ability to see you without resentment from either sides. That’s good enough for him.

“Thank you, my wife will definitely love that.” He commented.

Your heart sank at his statement. Of course, he’s married now. A beautiful creature like him would have no problems finding a partner. You didn’t know you hold hope in your heart right before it crashed down because of the sudden news. You were foolish in thinking that there could still be a chance.

“Your design is amazing, Y/N.” He said.

“Thank you,” You replied. “I’m glad that you like it.”

“I expected nothing but excellence from you. Of course, I would love it.”

You smiled at his words. Jaehyun never failed to make you feel appreciated. You’re bittersweet at the fact that another woman would feel appreciated everything, and that woman is not you. You remembered the late nights where you conclude that you would have this man for the rest of your life. All of that are a distant memory now, along with his touch and kisses.

The both of you are two different people now but you know, and Jaehyun knew, the love is still there. Maybe the romance already left, but the love and genuine care was still evergreen. And you both know that it will never die for as long as the two of you live.

 IX.

There are a lot of things that you regret in your life. Most of the time, you don’t want to change the past. Even if a lot of things made you want to crash and burn, it still formed you into someone you never knew you could become. This was your first time in Paris, France. The wealth and fame you accumulated over the past years of your life as an architect gave you all the opportunities to get to this very place. However, you made no efforts in landing here. Not until it reached the ten year mark.

You still remembered the promise. But the other party is still not present and it’s almost nearing midnight. You didn’t want to regret every coming here so you decided to relax and make this all about you.

“You remembered.” A voice spoke behind you. The chattering of people that laid in picnics under the Eiffel Tower were still loud despite the time.

Jaehyun is here. He remembered.

“You remembered.” You said back. Your eyes still covered with bewilder, almost not believing that Jaehyun is in front of you, keeping his side of the promise.

“How could I forget?” Jaehyun said, almost in a whisper. “How could I forget you?”

You did nothing but smile at him, with all the love remaining in your heart - all the love that will never go away no matter how much you try.

“Do you ever wondered what could have been if things didn’t go the way that they did?” You asked, looking up at the tall, iron tower.

“All the time.” He replied.

“How’s Chaeyoung and the kids?”

“They’re very well.” He replied with a nod. “How about Eunwoo?”

“He’s doing fine too. He’s currently in Germany with his family.” You answered.

“Ah, I’m glad my wish came true.” He said.

“Wish?”

“Yeah,” He turned his head in your direction. “My wish that you find someone who will love you better than I did.”

“You wished that?” You asked in disbelief.

“I actually didn’t wish it,” He said. “I knew that the universe made someone out there to love someone as beautiful as you.”

“Oh, stop it.” You blushed. You felt guilty that another man, specifically your ex, was making you blush.

“So, this is my proof when I promised you that I will always be here.” Jaehyun whispered.

“And me being here is my proof that I meant when I said that I want to hang out with you for as long as you want me to be.” You replied.

The night was young and alive, so is the love you have for each other. A love that, unfortunately, neither of you could ever express ever again.

[jaehyunspeachparty]

1.16

"Hi, an americano and a vanilla latte with oat milk and a dash of stevia and chocolate sprinkles on top." Hyunjin stood at the SM Cafe and ordered his usual order. The only thing he didn't know was that Jaemin was behind him and didn't liked this at all. Actually, Hyunjin just made a simple order, but from special order, Jaemin could tell that the vanilla latte was for Miga. Only she drank coffee like that. He had already noticed that Hyunjin was somehow more focused on Jaehyun, that he was making a lot of effort and he often saw Miga around him. Hyunjin didn’t see Jaemin because he scurried quickly to the entrance where Miga was already coming. "You don't always have to buy me coffee. You should save your money." Miga grinned and looked up at him with wide eyes. They would love to kiss, but they were still out in public and no one at SM should notice that they were dating. "Stop saying that every day. I want to do this." Hyunjin smiled and would like to pull Miga to him. But from a distance Jaemin looked at them and he saw immediately that something was going on between the two. And he didn't like it at all. He felt so many emotions and he knew that he shouldn't feel them. She was the 19-year-old daughter of one of his best friends. But still he felt so much in him. "Are you here today?", Hyunjin asked, but Miga shook her head. "No, I'm going to continue shooting the drama. I think it will be late today. See you at the weekend?", Miga then asked, eyes wide. Hyunjin grinned and nodded. "How I would love to kiss you right now," he then whispered. "I feel the same way," Miga whispered as well. But in the corner of her eye she could see her father coming. She immediately jumped away and Hyunjin knew immediately what was going on. He moved to the side fast and made his way to the training room. "Miga, what are you wearing?" Jaehyun folded his arms and wasn't happy with his daughter's outfit. Miga wore a white silk dress that was really very short. In any case, she got all the attention. "Dad, don't make a drama, I'll have to change on set anyway." Miga grinned and knew exactly that she could do anything with her father. In contrast to her brothers, Jaehyun was strict about them, but with Miga he knew no rules. "That is far too short." He crossed his arms and shook his head. "Daddyyyy, I don't have anything else with me and we're going to the set anyway." Miga looked at him with big eyes and Jaehyun couldn't do anything but give in. "Okay, but then I don't want to see the dress again." "It's okay," Miga then said, but of course she lied. 

Sunoh went shopping with Geon that day. He soon went to Tokyo to visit Chichi. It was her birthday soon and he still needed a present for her. Since he wanted to spend more time with his little brother and Geon liked to go shopping, he took him with him. "What do you want to give her?", Geon asked him as they walked through the streets. "I really don't know. It must be special because ..." Sunoh stopped and his heart began to pound. He missed her so much that he decided to confess his love to her when he visits her in Japan. "Oh no ..." Geon paused for a moment and swallowed. Sunoh just didn't know what was happening, but he noticed that Geon was scared. "Hey, what's wrong?" He asked his little brother. "Let's go fast." Geon looked at him scared and when Sunoh looked at the street, he saw a couple of boys from the same school. They were in the same class as Miga and Sunoh now understood what was going on. "Yes you are right, we should go. Come on." Sunoh wanted to cross the street with his brother, the boys were there before the two of them could go. "Hey, you're Miga's brothers." The one guy, he looked strong, but was smaller than Sunoh, stepped forward. "That's none of your business," hissed Sunoh. Geon looked back and forth between the boys uncertainly and knew nothing good could happen. "When is your sweet sister coming back, little one?" This time the guy turned to Geon. Sunoh stood protectively in front of his little brother and was ready for anything. "We heard what she did with Soori and Byungjoon and wow ... your sister is nasty ..." The guy winked and Sunoh felt so much anger inside himself. "Sunoh not...," Geon whispered from behind him. He knew that Sunoh had a very uncontrollable anger. "I think she doesn't tell her brother that. But she had a threesome with the two in the library," the guy continued and the others laughed. Sunoh understood slowly now. Suddenly he now knew why his sister no longer wanted to go to school. Something didn't fit. He was just so busy with his problems with Chichi that he didn't realize that his sister was going through a really difficult time. "Sunoh, come on, let's go," Geon continued, pulling on his big brother's sweater. But Sunoh only saw red. "I would also like to taste her sweet pussy." The guy clearly provoked Sunoh and it worked. He ran up to him and punched the guy. The guy was extremely surprised that Sunoh was stronger than he looked, so he was inferior at the beginning. But the next moment his friends came in and started beating Sunoh. Geon stood aside and cried, he didn't know what to do and was incredibly scared. And in the next moment only police syrens could be heard.

"We managed the first week of shooting, time to have a drink." The producer comes to the actors with a bottle of Soju and his assistant hands out glasses. "Not for me, I still have to drive," said Jaehyun and smiled politely. "Then your daughter has to drink for you too," said the producer with a smile. Miga already drank the first shot and her boss refilled her glass. "Careful, my princess." Jaehyun warned her and the others waved them off. "Don't worry Daddy," joked a colleague and punched Jaehyun lightly in the shoulder. "Hey, you always have to worry about a daughter." "Nonsense, Sunoh and Kiwoo also cause problems," Miga said and grinned. And as if she knew what happened, his phone rang at that moment. Jaehyun got up when he saw your name and took a few steps to the side. In the corner of his eye he saw how Miga, Jaemin and the others continued to drink and the next bottle of Soju was opened. "Hey," he answered and smiled gently. He missed you and he hoped that he could continue working with you on your "Baby" project today. "Sunoh has been arrested," your voice was panicked and Jaehyun could tell that you weren't home. "What?" "He fought with a couple of guys from his school. Geon was with him." "What why?" "I don't know either, but Geon and Sunoh begged me that Miga shouldn't come here. So if you come, please don't take Miga with you." "What about Kiwoo?" "He's with Johnny." "Okay okay. I'll be on my way right away. Send me the address." Jaehyun couldn't believe what he was hearing now. But he knew his son and he knew that Sunoh had a reason to fight with someone else. "Are you okay?", Miga asked when she saw her father come back to the group with empty eyes. "I have to clear something. Jaemin, can you take Miga to your home today, I can't take her home." Jaehyun turned to his friend, who looked at him in shock. "Uh what?" Jaemin didn't think the idea was that great. "Our home is so far away that a taxi will hardly take her and she can sleep on your couch." "Daddy what's up?" Miga realized, even in her drunkenness, that something was wrong. "I'll tell you everything tomorrow. I just want you to be safe," he said, packing his things. "So Jaemin?" "Okay, okay ..." Jaemin felt the alcohol himself. He didn't want to see Miga since he realized that she had something with another guy and his thoughts were just more confused. "Thanks! I have to go." Jaehyun ran off, leaving his daughter behind in the trust of his friend.

"Fuck Miga, why do you have to drink so much?" Jaemin propped her up in his apartment and he had problems with his balance himself. "Everything is fine. I have everything under control." Miga wanted to go alone, but she was about to stumble. Jaemin caught her and decides to carry the girl into the apartment. It was easier that way and they got home faster. He unlocked the door and put her on the bed. "I'll make us some coffee," said Jaemin then and went to the kitchen. Miga sat in bed and looked at him. Her need for him was so great and she wanted him so badly. It pained her that she couldn't have him. Why did their love have to be so complicated? "Have a drink here," said Jaemin coldly as he handed her the cup of coffee. He hardly dared to look at her, because her dress had slipped up so far that you could almost see more. "Why are you like this?" She then asked and looked up at Jaemin. "You've been ignoring me most of the day." "I don't ..." Jaehyun sat on the edge of the bed and drank his espresso. "Yes ..." Miga put the coffee aside and turned so that she could see Jaemin better. Suddenly he sighed and went to bed. "You are dating Hyunjin." Jaemin sighed and held his forehead. "Is someone jealous?" She asked, kneeling next to him. "No, but I don't understand what you want from a kid like him. I thought you'd get more a..." Jaemin bit his lip. "You mean, that I would get a real men like you?" Miga giggled and now propped an arm next to Jaemin's upper body so that she was bent over him. "No, I ..." Jaemin stroked his hair and the alcohol didn't make him think anymore. "I just think you need someone who can give you everything." He put his hand on her lower back and he saw in the reflection of the window that her tight dress slowly slide up. It made way too much in him and he felt a cold hiss through his veins. "You can give me everything." She smiled and enjoyed his hand on her body. It was what she needed, what she asked for. "No, I didn't mean that. Miga about us ..." He gave his hand away and it almost hurts her even more. And slowly she got tired of this game, she didn't want any more, she wanted him. "Just because I'm younger? Why does everyone always assume that I don't know anything? I am very well aware of my feelings. I know what I want. I am an adult. I feel as much love, lust and passion as you do." She looks at him with wide eyes and Jaemin was missing the words. He looked at her and saw only Miga. Miga who wasn't 19 years old, Miga who wasn't Jaehyun's daughter. But Miga, who, like him, loves vintage films, who has a big heart, who has the same job, who was just as passionate about things as he was, who loves the idea of having a family, who was intelligent ... who was just perfect for him. Jaemin took her hand and that was enough for her. Her face came closer to his and the next moment he was sitting upright with her on his lap. He stroked her bare legs while her arms were around his shoulders. Their lips touched wildly and the kiss was a relief for both of them. It was what they both wanted, what they both missed. Only this time they were alone. Nobody could disturb or interrupt them. Jaemin pulled the straps of her dress over her shoulder and when he saw the contures of her breasts he had to pause. "Are you okay?" She asked, stroking his hair. "Yeah, you're just driving me crazy," he breathed and stroked her waist. Miga smiled and pulled her hands out of the straps and pulled her dress down further. "No bra," said Jaemin. "No bra," Miga confirmed and grinned. She pulled him back to her and kissed him. And that night both didn't really know what they were getting into. They were limited to themselves and nobody knew what would happen that night.

providentia masterlist

daddy jaehyun masterlist

[fearixfox]

jxjdskdnsk the gambling one shot you made was so cute! it reminded me of my mc sm. and cause of that can i request mammon with an mc whos parents regulate some of the biggest casinos? and mc is the next hier to a powerful mafia? pretty please :D

I had a lot of fun with this one and I’m sorry it took so long! It was a lot shorter but it just kept building so it took a while. https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLde0UQUs-l0KJ29TSCYYGjcrrGBkOjR7P  This is a playlist that I used for some scenes. Thank you for the ask <3

“Wanna go?” You tease as you poke Mammon’s cheek.  “I mean, I-” He lets out a sigh. “I should go to keep an eye on you. I am your first anyway.” “First pact,” you correct him with a giggle. “I know Lucifer said he would go with me and you can’t defy him but I can. So, let’s go?”

Lord Diavolo has given you an extremely special present for your birthday. A weekend out in the human world. The only regulation is that a demon brother has to accompany you. The demons jumped on the opportunity immediately but you already had your heart set on a little avatar of greed. 

You say your goodbyes to the other brothers and thank Diavolo. “Make sure you’re back before midnight on Sunday. You still have your lessons to take care of,” he says with a smile. You nod to him and look over to Mammon who was being scolded by Lucifer. He nods and gives you a nervous smile that makes your stomach jump. “Jump in when you’re ready. It will take you wherever you want to be.” Diavolo said gesturing towards the hole. 

You dash over to Mammon, taking his hand and diving headfirst into the hole. You end up in a penthouse, looking over the vast craziness of New York City. “Brings back memories!” You hum looking out the window. “Um…why’re we in New York?! Is this your place?! You mentioned you lived a quiet life but I would say this isn’t that.” Mammon says with an awestruck look. He was shocked completely.  

“Mammon,” you chuckle at his child-like gaze, “when this present was given to me I saw it more as a chance to have fun than to go back to normal life. I couldn’t think of anything more fun than spending a weekend in the Big Apple, gambling my life savings off with you.” You poke his nose and he blushes, looking away. “The penthouse is a friend’s and I already arranged this trip a while ago. Just for you and me. Is that okay?” You say with pleading eyes. “Y-yeah, I mean of course it’s fine! You have the best gambler in all of the Devildom on your side. Ya won’t lose.” He says with a wink. You squeeze his hand. “Good! Lemme drop my stuff and we can go have some fun.” 

“How’s this look?” You say spinning in an outfit that accentuated your every feature. His eyes went wide and his mind went to other places. “Y/n, we are gambling, not going to-” You put a finger to his lips. “Shush, you are in the land of y/n. Let’s go. ” Mammon was clearly not fond of your garment but little did he know how safe it would keep him.

(Poker Face- Lady Gaga)

You and Mammon enter a casino and walk around the various tables and games. “Oi y/n, are you even good at gambling? I mean you’ve beat me once by luck but you never play at home. Ya sure you’re up for it?” He was clearly trying to keep himself composed at your side but you could tell he was itching to play. You walk over to a  black jack table  “Care to find out?”. As if you said the magic words, Mammon sits down and asks the dealer to put you guys in.

“Oh, do my eyes deceive me or is that the most magnificent ever beautifully cruel y/n?” A man said to the left of you and Mammon. You’ve gotta be kidding me. I didn’t realize it would be this quick. Mammon was ready to retort but you hold his wrist. “Kuroo, it’s been a while. I didn’t realize I had the courtesy to see your smug face.” You give him a fake smile. “Oi y/n, who’s the rooster head? He looks shady.” Mammon says, clearly wary of your relationship with him. 

Well he is the Consigliere somehow but there’s no way you’re going to tell him that. He was your nanny for a good part of your life and your advisor for the rest. You are technically the underboss but in this line of work it's not the greatest. What if he knew. Would he tell? He’s an idiot of course he would. 

You were raised to scare and torture so when you were teleported to hell itself, you weren’t surprised. Living amongst the demons made you feel less corrupted, pure even. You could have a life there when it’s all said and done. You’ve realized how soft you’ve become around the brothers...around Mammon... but now wasn’t the time for that.

“He’s my father’s friend. Think of him as my uncle.” You reassure him. “Ah you wound me y/n, I’m not that old at all. Only two years older than you if I recall.” He states clearly teasing Mammon. You glare at Kuroo. “He’s only trying to get a raise out of you, Mams. You can relax. He’s actually five years older than me, not that it matters.” You give him a gentle smile. “Let’s win.” 

You play through the rounds and your skills are a little rusty but you manage. You bust and it’s now Kuroo against Mammon. Sadly you knew the game, Kuroo already bought the dealer out and within 30 minutes it was a loss. “Ugh y/n, he is your uncle right? Can we get our money back? I can’t believe me the Great Mammon lost to a simple human.” Mammon huffs. You giggle at him “No, we have more money to burn I bet you we can make double what you lost. Just give it some y/n magic.” You smile sweetly at him. Kuroo’s eyes lowered at the sight. 

“Y/n, a word? Your father wanted me to pass on a message.” He says with a tone you know you can’t object. You turn to Mammon, “Hey, I’m going to be a minute can you play roulette for me? I was never good at it and would love some Mammoney luck.” He gave a light laugh at this. “Sure thing but don’t take too long, I’ll drain ya.” He says with your card in hand. 

You move with Kuroo to a room away from prying eyes. Your expression turns cold as soon as you step into the room. “So, what’s Boss want?”  You say clearly not wasting any time. “Oh child is that any way to talk about your old man?” Kuroo teases, his eyes filled with malice. “He’s been worried sick about his second in command, but little did he know they were laying low fuckin around with some low life pretty boy.” 

Kuroo’s words made your blood boil. In a way, he was your own Lucifer, always caring for you with an iron fist. When the time came he did take a bullet for you, but it didn’t make him less irritating. “And? Is that all you had to tell me? You’re managing.” Your expression was as cold as ice. It felt like slipping into a different personality. You couldn’t tell which one you were more. The kind person you were around the brothers or the brutal underboss of this world you were forced into. “Well, I guess you’re right. You must be glad Akaashi is so capable. You disappeared for a few months and the money keeps flowing.” Kuroo sits down with a laugh. 

Now you knew why he was here. You asked Akaashi for the penthouse and he can’t deny Boss. “Still babysitting I see, even though I’m grown.” You give a light laugh. “Well, tell Boss I’ll be away for a while longer and Akaashi can take care of things until then. I’m busy working out some things.” Kuroo’s interest was piqued.

 “Ah I was wondering about the boy. He looks so exotic and youn-” ''You lay a finger on him, you’ll be filled with lead by morning. I don’t give a fuck who you are.” You cut Kuroo off. “I promise, you won’t even be safe in Hell.” Kuroo had never seen you so stern towards him before but enjoyed your wrath. “I’ll pass on the message.” 

You find your white haired demon kicking some ass at roulette and basking in his own glory. Your heart melts at the sight and Mammon notices you. “Y/n! Guess how much we won?” He says waving chips around, giving a goofy smile. “I tripled the amount on your card!” Wait, he bet all of it? “Mams do you know how much money was on the card?” You say in a serious tone. “I hav’ta tell ya I don’t sweat the small stuff. Just be grateful. For the Great Mammon has claimed victory.” He lifts you up and spins you around in glee. You can’t help but smile at him. 

You play a few more games and head out to an expensive restaurant. "Y/n, are you sure you can afford all of this?" He clearly wanted to order the whole menu. "You tripled my card somehow so might as well use it." You smile back at him.  His eyes light up as he looks at the menu, looking forward to the meal. 

(Nana triste-Natalia Lacunza)

A slow song was playing on the dance floor and Mammon looked at you with a want in his eyes. "Care for this dance, my avatar of greed?" You ask for his hand. He blushes and gives it to you. 

"Wait a minute that was backwar-'' You pull him close to you and start dancing. "It's okay Tiger. You're cuter this way." He wants to retort but can only focus on how close your bodies are. 

"Ya know, Lucifer asked me to take care of you. It's like he was handing off his child to a husband. He's so irritating at times. I mean I'm totally reliable. Don't you think Y/n?" He says softly in your ear. You let out a soft laugh. "I think you would make a wonderful husband Mams. Be careful or I may make you mine.” You whisper so close he can feel your breath on his neck. He immediately jumps back. “Like I would ever marry a human even if they’re...they’re...” He trails off. “They’re what Mammon?” You step closer to him again. “Ahhh look, foods here. Let’s eat.” He says immediately retreating. 

You both eat and drink to your heart's content. By the end of the meal, Mammon was a babbling child.  “Ya know you should be more prouda me. I went outta ma way for y/n.” He slurs. “I could’ve let Lucifer take the human like was planned but I secretly begged ta go. Don’t tell, y/n.” He whispers to you. And that’s enough of that. You take away his alcohol and start feeding him water shots. He couldn’t tell the difference. “Ya know, I told y/n I wouldn’t never marry a human but secretly if it was them it wouldn be bad. If it was, maybe I could be happy all the time.” He smiles before immediately falling over. You couldn’t help but look at him fondly. “Me too.” 

You help him into the penthouse and lay him down on your bed. I totally could. I should. No I shouldn’t. You stare at Mammon’s sleeping figure and start unbuttoning his shirt just enough for him to breathe. He was sleeping so soundly that you wish you could stay in that moment forever. “I love you, Mammon.” You whisper and kiss his head. “Always have.” 

You decide to go to the convenience store and get some things to ease his hangover. You see a couple around the sunglasses rack trying all sorts of glasses on, laughing at each other. You couldn’t help but feel a little jealous at their simple life. Sadly, nothing ever came easy for you. You bring your supplies back to see an empty bed. “Mammon? Where’d you go buddy?” You examine the bed closely and find a symbol on a small piece of paper. You crumple it and walk briskly out the door.

(Riot - Hollywood Undead)

You were going to kill Kuroo. You meant what you said and did not have to think twice about seeing the floor spattered with his blood. He wanted you home. He didn’t care what it took to get you there. He will cage Mammon up and keep him as a pet and hang it over you if it meant you would take over. It was his job after all. You knew exactly where he would take him. Kuroo would take him to the only person you can’t deny. 

You bust the gates open to the old property to see only soldiers around. “Y/n, long time no see.” Your eyes lower at the sight of Tsukishima. “Where is he?” You sneer. “Oh, whoever are you talking about?” Tsukishima laughs at your angry expression. “Olala, you mean our new mutt. He’s chained up inside like the dog he is. However, you and I have some business.” Soldiers started to surround you. “Boss said to restrain you. As long as we don’t kill you, any way is fine.” You laugh at his statement. “As if, you can.” 

You immediately jump into action and dodge the knives that are flying towards you. Soldier after soldier comes at you with swinging fists and slicing knives. “It’s bad to ruin the merchandise,” you say dealing blow after blow, making sure not to fatally injure them. Tsukishima just watches as you pummel your way to the door not even bothering to stop you himself. “You must really care for this lousy mutt. Too bad you’ll never see him again.” You ignore him and head into the house and see Mammon gagged and chained to a chair. 

“Mmmm! MMMm!” Mammon desperately tried to call your name. He had a bruise on the left side of his face and tears in his eyes. You pay him no heed as you stare at the two men at the table with him. “Ah y/n, how nice of you to join us. I was just telling Boss what great work you’ve been doing and how your loyalty inspires the rest of us.” Kuroo hummed. 

(Body-mother mother)

“Boss, I apologize for not coming sooner. I have much to discuss with you. Beginning with letting that mutt go.” You say dropping on one knee. “I was worried about you, y/n. I expected better and ya let me down.” Boss says with a disappointed tone.

 “I know, but I want you to know I come with good news. I haven’t been goofin off I promise. I wouldn’t do ya that way.” You say desperately trying to sway the conversation. “Hear me out, Father. Please.”  You feel a grip on your head that turns soft as Boss speaks “I always liked ya, y/n. You’ve done good for this family so I’ll give ya a chance.” 

You explain yourself and what you have been doing for the past three months. You leave out parts and accentuate others. Your eyes flicker to Mammon who looks scared to death but continue to keep your cold demeanor. “So father, I hope to expand our casinos to the other realm and expand our influence. Consider it insurance for when you pass.” 

“What a load of shit,” Kuroo begins but Boss holds his hand up. “So why do you need mista pretty boy here?” You give your father a promising look. “He’s the sin of greed himself, we need him if we want the money to flow. Plus he can bleed us dry if we don’t let him go.” Your father looks at him with disgust. “This poser? I’m gonna need you to prove it, kid.” You nod. “Give me five minutes with him and I can prove it to ya.” “You have three.” Boss says motioning his underlings to release him. 

You take him to the bathroom and give him a crushing embrace. “I’m so sorry Mammon. I’m so fucking sorry.” Mammon wasn’t even processing what was going around him and pushed you away. “Who? Where? What in the livin hell is going on y/n?” You put your hands on his shoulders “Look we have a minute I need you to change to your demon form and mess up some dudes under my magic.” Mammon looked absolutely baffled.

 “What? No! I don’t wanna expose my form to roosterhead and that old guy. Plus you don’t have magic.” You push him up against the wall and he can’t help being a bit frightened but also other things.  “Listen Mams, they will kill you and me both if you don’t and Solomon gave me some of his.” You lift up a vial and down it immediately. “I need you to do this for me. I promise I’ll explain everything later.” He seems unsure but nods.  

You regain your cold composure and bring him before your father. You nod to Mammon who unleashes his demon form. Your father’s face remains neutral.  “That’s quite some get up he’s got there.” Kuroo laughs at Mammon's wings going up to touch them. “I wouldn’t if I were you. He’ll send you to where he came from.” You say giving Kuroo a cocky stare. 

“If you want a demonstration you can have one, Boss. Kuroo and I have some disputes and I would love to resolve them under your careful eye.” Your father smiles at your bloodlust. “Just leave him in tact.”  You smile with glee. “Mammon, attack him but leave his vitals alone.” 

Mammon couldn’t resist your order and went after him in hand to hand combat. Kuroo was one of the best fighters but against a demon he was a mere human. Mammon slashed him up and knocked him out cold within seconds. Mammon turned to you bloodied with glowing yellow-blue eyes. That’s hot. You knew Mammon was strong but he rarely used his demon strength. To see if fully utilized was like viewing a work of art.

 “You impress me, y/n.” Boss said, staring at Mammon’s wings. “Take care of the devildom or whatever ya call it. I want that place under our control by the time I get there.” You kneel down and nod your head. “Kid, I want ya to take care of my kin here while they’re carrying out my work. Can ya do that for me?” You can tell Mammon was blushing a little under the blood. “Yes I can, sir.” 

(Next to you-bigricepiano)

It was a few hours later and you both finally got to the penthouse exhausted and tense. You collapse falling asleep in each other's arms on the floor until morning. You wake up to the sound of Mammon snoring in your face. So beautifully irritating. You plant a kiss on his lips which causes him to jump up. “Who? What? Where?” He sees your laughing face. “Awww, y/n I was having the weirdest dream that you were a member of the mafia and I was forced ta beat up roosterhead and…” He slowly feels his face. “That wasn’t a dream was it.” 

“I wish it was and yes I know I owe you a lot of explanation but lemme clean you up first.” You say getting a rag and some hydrogen peroxide. You start cleaning his face and explaining your upbringing. Through this, Mammon’s face changed from frustrated to concerned. “I didn’t know you had it so rough, y/n. You never told us.” You smile and dab on his open wound. Mammon winces a little.

“You didn’t need to know. It’s not something I’m really proud of and I know you are all demons so sins don’t bother you as much but even so.” You laugh at your own silliness. “ I wanted to be your saving grace and live a happy life at least for the year we have.” Mammon holds onto your hand and kisses it. “Y/n, you’ve helped us so much.  It’s the least I coulda done for you.” Mammon wraps his arms and legs around you, holding you as if you were going to disappear that very minute. “If..If you had the option to stay with us forever...with me forever, would ya take it?” 

You were taken aback by his question. You loved your father and all the mafia had to offer but it could never measure up to the amount of love you felt from the demons in the short amount of time you’ve been with them. You melt into Mammon’s embrace and try to hold back tears. 

“Absolutely. Without a doubt.” 

Mammon looks at you and takes your face in the palm of his hand, wiping away your ever flowing tears. He kisses you softly, over and over until the tears are gone.

 “I love you, y/n.”

“I love you too, Mammon.” 

Bonus:

“I’m telling ya, y/n is part of the mafia! They beat up so many guys and run all the major casinos.” Mammon pleads at the breakfast table. “That’s absurd. Y/n doesn’t even gamble.” Satan retorts. “Satan’s right now please shut up about this before I string you up.” Lucifer says going through today’s paper. Mammon looks on the verge of tears and shoots you a glance to which you heartily ignore. 

“Aww, well I want it to be true. A mafia y/n sends shivers up my spine. Ne, ne, are you part of the mafia?” Asmo hums. You let out a laugh. “Absolutely not. I don’t know what Mammon’s on today but I wish I had some.”  “You and me both,” Belphie says through his pillow. “It would make a good anime for sure. The whole double agent thing with a princess that has to be saved and it would be called I wanted to save a princess but turned out they were a mafia member and I had to be saved instead. AAH, Beel don’t touch my food.”  Leviathan says pushing Beel off his oatmeal. 

“I told you no one would believe you.” You whisper to Mammon. Mammon just pouts and looks away. You drag your hand up his thigh and he shivers. “Don’t worry, they don’t need to know everything.” 

[blizzardfluffykpop]

Vermont

Summary: It’s been three whole years, thinking about you everyday, sometimes for hours, sometimes in passing. [Inspired by Your Graduation and Redo by Modern Baseball and Vermont by fail better, heal faster]

Oneshot

Word Count: 2,143

Jaehyun X Reader

Requested: Aite last one is for Mr Jeong! 13. “I’ll see you around?” “Yeah, I’d like that,…” “Merry Christmas, see you sometime.” + Jaehyun. Work your magic! Hope you had fun writing!

Prompt: 13. “I’ll see you around?” “Yeah, I’d like that,...” “Merry Christmas, see you sometime.”

It’s unbelievably hard to date an idol. I knew that when I fell for Jaehyun, I knew it when we started dating. Why would I believe dating him was going to be different? That him being an idol wouldn’t have any effect on our relationship? I understood he had a schedule and obligations, just like I did. That wasn’t the problem, where the problem lied was right in the company. Once SM caught word we were meeting up with each other,...

That’s when SM started controlling us. We were allowed to date, but there were restrictions placed on us both. If we stepped too far over the line, SM would kick Jaehyun out of NCT. We were free to keep contact with each other but when he was on a show our communications were off-limits. That didn’t bother either of us because he had to concentrate on work, which was fine. Just like we couldn’t go public which I knew from the get-go. It wasn’t hard following them was the easier part of it all. It’s when Dispatch would catch us, two years into our relationship. When everything would hit the fan on Christmas Day three years ago.

I came over to the dorm to spend Christmas with Jaehyun. We were enjoying ourselves, eating Christmas cookies and drinking. When we heard a knock on our door, in pops Taeyong, looking somber and not meeting either of our eyes. We asked him what was wrong and he showed us his phone in defeat. When we finally got a good glimpse of it, we knew we were fucked. It wouldn’t be long for us to get a call from SM. Having to end our time together on Christmas early to head over to the SM entertainment building.

As much as I loved Jaehyun, I knew the decision I had to make before we even got out of the dormitory. It was going to hurt, but that pain would be nothing compared to him losing a career over me. When we got inside we were told to meet Lee Soo-man in his office. We looked at each other and decided to take our time. Avoiding the inevitable by going up the stairs together. We reached the fifth floor and he turned around and looked me in the eyes. “No matter what happens, I want you to know I love you with my whole heart.” I nodded and kissed his nose, “I love you so much, Jaehyun, nothing can change that.” He nodded back and grabbed my hand, holding it tightly, like I was going to float away and I would never get to see him again.

It was sad to know that was close to being right. We reach the door and I gulp as I reach my hand out and knock on the door. From inside he says, “Come in,” trying to calm down I squeeze his hand and he smiles down at me. I smile back up at him, my smile soon turning into a frown as Jaehyun opens the door and I set my eyes on Lee Soomin.

He gestures for us to sit down and with heavy hearts we do. “I know you’ve already seen Dispatch’s news. This can go one of three ways, one you risk it all for each other. If the fans have a big backlash you leave the company, Jaehyun.” I gulp, I know I can’t let that happen. “Two you deny the allegations and you,” he stares at me, “start dating someone from your workplace publicly.” I shake my head knowing I could never do that Jaehyun, my heart could never take that. “Three, I’ll pay you to live in another country and you don’t come back. We’ll say you guys dated in the past.” I hold the tears back not wanting to look weak in front of his CEO. Jaehyun looks over me and squeezes my hand, I already know which choice he wants to take. He would risk it all if it meant we could be together. But, I know his career means everything to him. I can’t risk him losing that for me, I don’t care how much it hurts me. I know it will hurt Jaehyun, but his dream is to be an idol and who am I to get in the way of that? “I choose option Number 3.” Jaehyun shakes his head, “No--” I shake my head at him and kiss his hand. “Being an idol is your dream and I can’t let you lose that over me.”

I walk out of the office as Jaehyun runs after me. I’m down three flights of stairs before he catches my shoulder. Tears stream down our faces, knowing the consequences of my actions. “I’m sorry it has to be this way, Jaehyun.” He nods, “I know, nothing can change your mind when you’re set on something,...” I look down at my shoes and say, “I’ll see you around?” I nod and sniffle, trying to wipe most of my tears away, “Yeah, I’d like that.” He grabs my face and we look at each other in the eyes, and for the last time, we share a kiss. Our hearts burn as we realize this is an untimely end. We walk down the stairs and I say, “Merry Christmas, see you sometime.” He nods, “Merry Christmas, I’ll see you then.”

The next day, I boarded my flight to Vermont. I didn’t know anyone, and I wanted the world to suck me in or destroy me in the collision. Neither of which happened, my heart was in pieces and I had no way of contacting Jaehyun. None of my friends from Korea knew what happened to me. I couldn’t even tell any of them, my phone was confiscated and I was lucky that I had my parents' phone numbers memorized. I went to a pay booth that night, calling them up and telling them what went down. They wished to hold me and comfort me, but their words did little to comfort me. The only person that could comfort me was no longer allowed to have contact with me. My heart shattered in more ways than one, at least Jaehyun could still pursue his career.

I wished to be anywhere but in fucking Vermont. But I was stuck here, with only enough to pay for rent and food. It took three months before I found a good enough job to at least have a furnished apartment. I cursed out Lee Soomin’s name to the point where my throat was sore. Some nights, I couldn’t find it in myself to fall asleep because Jaehyun wasn’t there. I began to hate Christmas, it was an ugly reminder of how I could never be with Jaehyun. Snow in Vermont is a sight to see when you’re not cursing at it. Because if it wasn’t for Christmas Day I’d still be in Jaehyun’s arms. And maybe, just maybe, we would be happy together and never have to worry about Dispatch catching us. Maybe, we should have been more careful, but when you’re in love that’s not how it works. Maybe, if the entertainment world wasn’t so fucked up we would still be together. But it’s been three years since then, and I have had yet to see Jaehyun.

I’d rather be home than stay in Vermont where I’m cut off from everyone except my parents. But I’ve been excommunicated from my country, my home, my life. So I learned to suck it up. I worked so hard to get over it, my favorite genre was Kpop, and now I can no longer stand it. I know if I’m not lucky, I would catch Jaehyun in the crowd. My heart still longs for him but my mind has moved on. I’m as happy as I was when I was with Jaehyun. I feel comfortable by myself, and maybe Vermont isn’t so bad.

My father calls me up on Tuesday and tells me, “It’s taken a while but we have a big surprise for you.” My mind is reeling, did they get me a pair of Heelys? That’s been on my Christmas list since I was little! “Really? Your presents are on the way and should be there by Friday morning.” He laughs, “Okay honey, but don’t hate me for your surprise. It took a lot of haggling to get it.” That raises my concerns, did he have to fight a poor mother over a pair of Heelys? “Okay,... I promise whatever it is I won’t hate you. I love you guys” I hear him hum, “We love you too, have a Merry Christmas if I forget to call you.” I nod forgetting that he can’t see that, “Alright you guys have a Merry Christmas, see you soon.” I know I won’t be able to see them soon but the idea feels comforting.

--

Friday, Christmas Day, I hear a knock on my door and throw on my coat. Expecting a UPS delivery person to be standing outside my door with a present from my parents. When I open my door, my heart soars as my stomach sinks. I pull him in, it’s not the UPS person. It’s Jaehyun, “How did you get here? Why are you here! Oh no, you can get in so much trouble. How did you--” He smiles, “It’s nice to see you too.” I lock my doors and look out the window to make sure no one else saw him enter. “I don’t know if you saw the news lately,...” I shake my head, “What news?” I lead him over to my kitchen table and sit across from him.

“SM lifted all the dating bans and basically told fans to shove it. Idols deserve to live their lives,...” I scoff, “Wow, that would have been nice three years ago.” My heart thumps at the implications of his statement but I keep it cool. “I never got over you,... I tried everything, (Y/n), nothing seemed to work. Do you know how often I was over at your parent's house? Whenever you would call I would beg to talk to you. But I knew if I did, you would cut off communications with them. Not wanting to harm my career,... As much as it is noble of you, I desperately missed you.” The tears start streaming down our faces just like that fateful Christmas Day.

My heart lurches out of my chest, wanting to hold Jaehyun in my arms. “I missed you too, Jaehyun. There are still sometimes when I wake up and cry because I realize you’re not there next to me.” He wipes his tears with his coat, “I told you Merry Christmas, see you then,... I meant it.” I nod, “Is this what they meant when they said they haggled?” He rubs the back of his neck, a habit he had whenever he got nervous. “The day your parents found out, they fought with Soomin for three hours. I wish I was kidding,...” I laugh, “From then on they had been digging at his character, making him break. They would call me in ever so often because they wanted me to speak about my experience. How it ripped me from the inside out to lose you because of my career. That I couldn’t keep it while I dated you.” I wipe a few tears from my eyes, “You know if it wasn’t for my resolve to make sure you could keep your career. I would have been in your arms just to piss off Soomin and Dispatch.” He nods, “My parents almost convinced me to come back home on many different occasions.” He gets up from where he’s sitting and wraps his arms around the back of the chair and me. I pull him around and we cry into each other’s arms.

“I still love you, Jaehyun. I wish we could have a complete redo.” He shakes his head, “I don’t want to redo, I want to continue.” I laugh, “Well, what’s stopping us?” He looks up and grins at me, “Nothing now… So what do you say, (L/n) (Y/n), would you like to be mine again?” I lean down and kiss his forehead, “I never stopped being yours.” He smiles, “I love you,...” “I love you too, Jeong Jaehyun.”

I started loving Christmas again, he helped me move back home. After we spent the rest of the day enjoying Vermont. A place I still wasn’t accustomed to, a place I didn’t enjoy until Jaehyun was back with me again. They say the heart grows fonder when you are away for longer. That if you love someone, let them go. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were. I knew in my heart someday we would be in each other's arms again.

[theladyofdeath]

In the Bleak Midwinter {3}

A Throne of Glass Period AU: 1920s.

Summary: 2 years after Arobynn Hammel is killed by Rowan Whitethorn, Maeve has returned from Eyllwe with a vengeance. Meanwhile, Rowan is getting married, Lorcan is a father, and Lysandra is finally ready to give her heart away. There’s been peace in The Cadre’s Orynth for 2 years, but peace never lasts.

A/N: And so it begins.

All characters belong to SJM. I am no more than a fan with a plot.

**Warning: mature content - language, alcohol use, drug use, sex, murders and shit.

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The Cadre - 1920s AU {TOG}

In the Bleak Midwinter {The Cadre, Part 2}

“I hear Cairn brought you my gift.”

Rowan eyed Maeve, his jaw locked as he observed her, taking a mental note of his surroundings. He reached his hand into his jacket.

Maeve’s haughty laughter had him freezing. 

“Oh, Rowan, you and I have too high of morals to kill each other in a back alley,” she crooned. “Besides, I’m alone and unarmed.” 

“You expect me to believe that you’re alone and unarmed?” Rowan asked, but his hand fell back down to his side, nonetheless. 

“Yes,” she answered, plainly. “You see, I didn’t come here to take a life, nephew, especially not yours, not today. I came to explain myself.” 

Rowan sighed, pulling his cigarette case out of his front pocket. “Very well.”

He pulled out a cigarette and stuck in between his teeth as Maeve said, “You killed Arobynn.”

“Well, he was threatening my life, so,” Rowan mumbled, igniting his lighter.

“Arobynn was my lover,” Maeve continued, as if he said nothing. She had a far off look in her dark, clouded eyes. “The love of my life. I was pregnant with his child, his son, his heir.” 

Rowan blew smoke into the narrow alley before turning to meet Maeve’s gaze. “Your point?”

“Once I received word in Eyllwe that Arobynn had been killed, I was so stricken with grief that I lost the baby,” she said, words soft.

The sarcastic words faded from Rowan’s tongue. “I’m sorry,” he said, and he meant it. The loss of a child, no matter how horrid that child’s parentage, was no easy loss.

“An apology?” Maeve asked, intrigued.

“For your child,” Rowan said. “Not for Arobynn, he deserved what he got.”

“And here I thought we were having a moment,” Maeve said. She kept her distance. 

“Drop your shit, Maeve, tell me why you’re here and fuck off before I lose my sense of morals and put a bullet in your head, unarmed or not.”

Maeve lifted a thin, sculpted brow. “My nephew finally has a backbone? How refreshing.”

Rowan said nothing as he put his cigarette back between his lips.

“You all betrayed me. After all I had done for you boys, raising you after your father’s death, taking care of everything while you were all away at war…” Maeve’s words trailed off and she shook her head, violently, those clouded eyes turning vicious. “And you murder my love? Not to mention that my child’s blood is on your hands, as well.”

Rowan smiled, but there was nothing humored in it. “You knew he was going to kill me, your own fucking nephew, and didn’t give a damn.”

“Perhaps not,” Maeve said, words light, once more. “And perhaps that’s why I intend to finish what he started.”

“Is that so?” Rowan asked, back pressed up against the brick of the Fireheart, once more.

“Yes, starting with the others,” Maeve said, her heels clicking against the cold ground as she approached. “Fenrys and Connall, Lorcan, Vaughan, Gavriel,” she continued, until she was standing just in front of him. She was a head shorter than he, but had a way of making him feel two inches tall. “Which saddens me, because I was always fond of Vaughan and Gavriel.”

“I’m sure the guilt will eat you up,” Rowan muttered, blowing smoke into her face.

She didn’t balk, but her eyes narrowed. “I will force you, nephew, to watch all of them die, so that you know their blood is on your hands, and when they are all dead, and your heart is as broken as mine, I will come for you, and I will kill you.”

“Hard to break the heart of someone that doesn’t have one,” Rowan said, eyeing his aunt as she took a step back and adjusted her coat. 

“We both know that’s shit, Rowan,” Maeve said, eyes bright. “Your heart is bigger than all of theirs.”

Rowan scoffed. “You don’t know me. Not anymore.”

“Of course, I do,” Maeve said. “If you were heartless, I’d already be dead.”

She was right. Rowan Whitethorn was a bad man, but he still had morals, still had a code that he lived by. And as he watched Maeve walk away, he cursed himself for it, because he should have shot her there and then.

If he had, he would have avoided one hell of a storm.

~~~~~

Lorcan pushed open the front door of their home to find Natalia, a finger held up to her lips.

He knew that if he made any noise, she would have his balls - and that was not a figure of speech. The baby was sleeping, and it was hell to get that baby asleep.

Elide crept inside behind him and nodded her thanks to Natalia before taking Lorcan’s hand and leading him up the stairs, and down the hall. 

“You’re drunk,” Lorcan sang to his wife as he stumbled inside as she shut the door behind them.

“Am not,” she fought back, but her eyes were lit with mischief and glazed over from the vodka. 

“Look at you, letting your hair down,” Lorcan laughed, pulling his wife into him by her waist. Her head fell against Lorcan’s chest, then she was instantly clawing at his clothes.

Lorcan couldn’t help but laugh as she pushed his jacket down his arms, then his shoulder holster. 

“Careful, it’s loaded,” he muttered, as she sloppily handled the machinery. With a shaky, excited hand, Elide pulled the revolver out of the leather holding and pointed it at the ceiling.

“Don’t act like you don’t think I’m sexy with a gun,” she slurred.

Lorcan reached up and took the gun away before slowly turning around and carefully setting it on the nightstand. “Sexy? Of course. Always. But dangerous? Also yes. And I prefer I don’t get shot tonight.”

Elide was on the floor, unbuckling her heels before kicking them off, then sliding her stockings down her legs. “I would never, I have a great shot.”

“You do,” Lorcan agreed, shoving his hands into his pockets, “when you’re sober.” 

With a roll of her eyes, Elide was hopping back up on her bare feet. “Do you wanna fuck, Lorcan Salvaterre?”

Lorcan snorted, his grin spreading as he took a step toward his wife. “I always want to fuck.”

“Not true,” she said, shaking her head slyly as she wrapped her thin arms around his waist. “We’re not as crazy as we used to be.”

“We’re responsible parents now,” Lorcan argued.

Elide laughed. “We did create a pretty perfect human, didn’t we?”

“Yeah,” Lorcan breathed, pushing Elide’s dark hair out of her face and kissing her forehead, softly. “We did.” 

“Let’s make another,” she said, unbuttoning his trousers. 

“Well I - oh, fuck.”

She shoved her hand into his trousers, grabbing his balls.

Every word that had entered his mind quickly faded away as she fell onto her knees and shoved his trousers halfway down his thighs. “I, um-”

“Hush,” she mumbled, pulling his cock out and sliding her tongue along the sensitive skin. A long, low moan tumbled out of Lorcan’s mouth. 

“Natalia is awake,” Lorcan muttered.

“Let her hear,” Elide said, as her lips wrapped around the head of his cock.

Lorcan’s protests faded away as his head fell back, his eyes fluttering shut. A string of curses left his mouth as Elide’s head began to bob, back and forth, her hands gripping his ass.

He felt the need to stop her, although he wasn’t sure why. Since the birth of Lucielle, they had only had sex on very specific nights, when they knew Lucy was fast asleep and Natalia had already prepared and turned in for bed, or when one of the others had Lucy for a night and Natalia was off doing her own thing. 

Those nights did not come often.

At least, not often enough.

Let her hear. 

Very well, then. Lorcan lifted Elide up, off the ground, and held her up against him, her legs wrapped around his waist as he carried her to their bed. He dropped her, hiking up her skirt as he pressed himself down on her, grazing his lips across her neck. 

He didn’t need convincing. 

If Elide didn’t care that Natalia heard, Lorcan would make sure his wife’s beautiful voice was heard throughout the house, throughout the street, throughout the city as he made love to her, over and over again.

~~~~~

The night air was cool as Aedion and Lysandra walked back to her townhouse, Gavriel and the twins close behind. Aedion thought it best that he walk her home himself, considering the circumstances. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t be able to sleep, terrified that something had happened to her.

He couldn’t help himself. 

Once they arrived in front of her front door, Gavriel told them goodnight, then Fenrys” and Connall did, as well, strolling away with the women on their arms from the club.

Aedion turned to Lysandra and grinned. “I had fun tonight.”

“So did I,” she beamed, leaning against her front door. “I like being the guest of Aedion Ashryver.”

“Then let’s hope we can do it again soon,” Aedion shot back. 

“Let’s hope,” she repeated.

Aedion’s grin widened as he nodded. “Well, I’ll say goodnight, then. Sleep well, Lys.”

He turned to walk away, but Lysandra’s voice had him coming up short.

“Aedion?”

He froze, and looked over his shoulder.

Lysandra’s eyes were wide, her lips parted. Aedion’s heart was beating rapidly as she asked, “Would you like to stay?”

A thousand responses flooded Aedion’s mind, but he finally came up with, “Yes.”

“Good,” she breathed, relieved, as if he would actually say no.

Lysandra took a key out of her clutch and turned the lock, Aedion close behind as she entered. He had been in her home plenty of times, but this time was different as she turned into the den and started a fire in the fireplace. 

“Sit,” she said, looking over her shoulder at him. Aedion did not hesitate as he plopped down on the couch and tossed his ankle over his knee.

Lysandra slipped off her shoes before joining him there. “Can I get you a drink?”

“No,” he said, smiling softly. “If I have any more to drink I’ll pass out right here, soon enough.” 

“Wouldn’t be the first time you’ve passed out in front of me,” she chuckled, bringing her knees up beneath her on the soft cushions. 

Aedion chuckled. “True, but the last time that happened I was a child. What, seventeen?”

“Seventeen and too fond of cheap wine,” she laughed. 

“I have since learned,” he assured her. “And that wine was delicious.” 

“That wine was awful,” Lysandra argued, shaking her head. 

Aedion’s lips twitched. “Perhaps so.”

He looked over at her, closing the mere inches that sat in between them on the dark piece of furniture with his eyes. He longed to reach out, to brush her hair back, the stray wisps that fell too far into her face. He longed to take her into his arms, longed to kiss her lips, softly, to tell her how much he loved her, still.

But he had learned long ago that telling her of his feelings only led to her shutting him down, and he understood it, so he had stopped pushing years before. Whatever happened between them would happen slowly, at her pace, and he would wait, respectfully. 

No matter how long that would be.

He just loved watching, seeing how far she had come in the last two years. Her confidence bloomed. She walked with her chin held higher, took pride in her work, and in her home. She smiled more, her eyes had become brighter.

She no longer looked as if she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. 

“So,” she said, cocking her head to the side as she watched him. “I must tell you a secret.”

“A secret?” Aedion asked, instantly intrigued.

“About Aelin,” Lysandra went on, smugly.

Aedion arched a brow. “Well, now I feel you’re enjoying this. Which means it must be pretty big. So, I’ll bite. What is it?”

“You have to promise not to tell a soul,” Lysandra crooned.

Aedion sighed, dramatically, but then he nodded. “Fine. I promise.”

Lysandra’s grin spread wide. “Aelin’s pregnant.”

Aedion stilled, then a loud, humored laugh fell from his lips. “Pregnant?”

Lysandra nodded, excitedly, clapping her hands together. “Can you believe it? She’s going to be such a great mother. And little Lucy will have a cousin to play with.”

Aedion watched her, giddy over her excitement, giddy over the news, but his smile soon began to fade and he suddenly felt himself sobering up.

What a horrible time to be bringing a child into the world. 

A war with Maeve was about to begin, if what Rhoe had told them all was to be true, and Rowan was the main target, so it seemed.

Rowan, the father of that child. 

If Maeve was successful, and Aelin was left alone...it wasn’t that she couldn’t do it, but to do it, without him, her true love, her soulmate, would be unbearable. 

And he would hate to see his cousin in such pain, such sorrow.

As if she could sense his thoughts, could read his mind, Lysandra was reaching across the cushion to take his hand in hers. Her smile was wistful as he met her gaze.

“They will make it out of this,” Lysandra said. “It is just another chapter that the Cadre must endure, another villain that must be defeated.”

Aedion chuckled, although he suddenly felt exhausted. “You speak of them as if they are saints.”

“Not saints,” Lysandra said, “but not as awful as they wish to be perceived.”

Aedion didn’t disagree. “I worry for her, not for them.”

“I know,” Lysandra breathed. Her fingers tightened around his.

“You still wear my pendant.”

Lysandra started, hesitated, then laughed, quietly. She reached up to fiddle with the emerald pendant around her neck. “Of course, I still wear it. Why wouldn’t I?”

Aedion shrugged, smiling softly as he reached up to brush his thumb over the pendant.

Lysandra’s entire body tensed.

Aedion’s hand quickly fell to his lap. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” she whispered. “I’m sorry-”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” he said.

But she was shaking her head. “Of course, I do, Aedion.”

Her smile had vanished, her brows furrowed.

“Lysandra-”

“I still love you, Aedion, just as I always have,” she whispered. 

Aedion had said those words to her a million times, but Lysandra scarcely spoke of her feelings, at all. “You don’t have to, Lysandra.”

“It is not fair to you,” she went on, pulling her hand away from his, at last. “I know that you have waited for me, Aedion, but it’s not fair that I’ve asked you to.”

“You haven’t asked me to,” Aedion fought.

Lysandra smiled, but her eyes were sad. “You deserve better, Aedion.”

“Lys-”

“I love you,” she breathed, saying those words again. Aedion couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t form a single thought. “I love you, Aedion, but you deserve better than this.”

“Better than what?” he asked, shocked by the words coming out of her mouth. 

“Me,” she laughed, humorlessly. 

Aedion scooted a few inches closer to her, and reached for her hand, once more. She did not protest. 

“You don’t have to do this,” he said, again, his voice quiet. “I would rather wait the rest of my life than spend it with anyone but you.”

A tear slid down Lysandra’s cheek as she palmed Aedion’s. “I would love nothing more than to kiss you, to bed you, to call myself your wife, but I fear that I will never be able to do that without the ghosts of every man I have ever fucked for a petty penny lingering, judging, staring at me with such judgement and hatred….” 

Aedion let go of her hand, only to take her face into both of his. He brushed his thumbs over her cheeks, wiping away the dampness. His heart broke at her words, at the ghosts that haunted her. “I have never seen you as a whore, Lysandra, and I never will.” She opened her mouth to speak, but he shook his head. “I am so in love with you. I always have been. You are beautiful, kind, brave, passionate, selfless…I have never met a woman like you, Lys. I will not pretend to know what you have gone through, what baggage you carry, but you must know that I love you, despite your past, your past doesn’t mean a fucking thing to me, not when it comes to my adoration for you.” 

“You are too good to me, Aedion-”

“I only tell you what I mean, what I feel,” he said. “What you deserve to be told.”

Her eyes were lit with something Aedion couldn’t quite place, but then she fell into his shoulder, and Aedion’s arm quickly wrapped around her, bringing her in close. They sat like that, in the silence, clinging to one another. Aedion didn’t dare speak, didn’t dare say another word.

So he kept quiet, but his arm stayed wrapped around her, as Lysandra’s head rested snugly against his shoulder. 

~~~~~

Rowan entered the house, Aelin close behind. On the ride back to the estate, neither of them had said a word. At first, Aelin attempted to ask questions, but when it was clear that Rowan wasn’t in the talking mood, she remained silent. 

His talk with Maeve had set him off. It wasn’t that he was surprised. He expected a visit from Maeve sooner or later, but the words she had spat at him left him in a sober state of mind. 

She wanted him to watch everyone he loved die.

She wanted him to suffer, just as she had suffered, thanks to him.

Once they arrived at their estate, Rowan had stomped into the house and up the stairs, into his office. He pulled out a glass and bottle of whiskey. After filling the glass, he sat behind his desk and lit a cigarette, pulling off his jacket. His newsboy hat was discarded on the desk, the razors hidden beneath the bill in full view.

What a life he lived.

Danger. Insecurity. Instability.

It wasn’t a life he wanted to bring a child into, and yet, it was the only life he had. Yes, they had begun to dabble in legal business, but that wasn’t enough to keep them afloat, that wasn’t what had gotten them the spectacular home in which they currently resided. 

Aelin had grown up in the same situation, Rhoe dabbling in unlawful dealings, but she deserved better, so much better.

Rowan sighed, in a dream of tobacco and whiskey, and he leaned back in his chair, his eyes closing. 

He had to do something.

He wouldn’t let his family die.

But he had no idea what that would be. Killing off Maeve would be too easy. She had a ton of men in her corner, nearly thirty, as Vaughan and Connall had replayed to him earlier that evening. Thirty against his eleven?

He needed more men.

It would be war.

Which was ridiculous, because they were family, he and Maeve. Maeve was his only living relative, and this is how it would end: battle of the fittest, whoever shot first would be the one who defeated the other. 

Rowan’s mother would be ashamed.

But he couldn’t think of that now. Now, he had a duty to his men, to his Cadre, to his wife and his unborn child.

That is where his duty lied.

The door to his office was pushed open, and he opened his eyes to meet Aelin’s, hesitantly closing the door behind her. She said nothing, only watched him as she leaned back against the thick oak.

Rowan took the cigarette out of his mouth as he took a long, slow drink from his glass.

“I’d offer you a pour, but it would be bad for the baby,” Rowan said, at last.

Aelin just shook her head. She slowly entered the room, sitting in the chair opposite of his, across his desk. “I wish you would talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” he said, simply.

“Bullshit,” she said, but her voice was light. “I’ve known you for some time, Rowan, and I grew up with Rhoe as a father. I know this life, and you are not fooling me.”

Rowan put the cigarette back between his teeth and blew a puff of smoke into the air before he said, “It’s not for you to worry about. Go to bed.”

Aelin’s eyes widened, her lips parting as her perfectly sculpted blonde brows rose. “Are you fucking kidding me? You're my husband, Rowan, of course it’s my fucking business to worry about! Try telling me that again and see where it gets you.”

Rowan sighed, his eyes falling shut, once more. He wasn’t in the mood for fighting. “Go to bed, Aelin.”

“No,” she snapped, through gritted teeth. “Not until you talk to me-”

“I don’t want to talk!” he yelled, his hand hitting the top of his desk with such force that it made Aelin jump.

“Well, I don’t give a damn what you want!” Aelin yelled, after she collected herself. “We’re married now, Ro, and you’ve been keeping shit bottled up, and it’s pissing me off.” 

Rowan downed his glass of whiskey before slamming the glass down on his desk. He pushed himself up on his feet and began pacing. Aelin sat, perfectly still, watching. 

“Fine, you wanna talk about it?” he said, at last, flicking ash onto the floor. “You wanna fucking talk about it, A? Maeve wants to kill you all, alright? And do you know why? Because of the fucking bullet I put through Arobynn’s head! It’s all my fucking fault!”

Aelin didn’t reply. She wasn’t surprised by the words that spewed from his mouth. Instead, she leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. 

When she said nothing, Rowan went on, “I’ve put you all in jeopardy. All of you. The Cadre, you, the baby-” His words fell off, and he covered his mouth. Then, he cursed, loudly and brutally, taking the cigarette between his fingers. “It’s my fault. It’s my fucking fault.”

“Ro-”

“You, the baby, I’ve put you in danger-”

“Rowan-”

“I can’t...I can’t fucking-”

“Ro!”

He stopped pacing, meeting her gaze with green eyes full of pure hatred, pure distress. “What?”

���Breathe,” she said, simply. He took a deep breath, shaking his head as he sat back down in his chair. “You don’t have to do this alone.”

“I’m the leader,” he said, simply.

“So, what?” she asked, leaning across his desk. “Ro, we’re in this together, okay? You don’t have to do this alone.”

But Rowan remained quiet, folding his hands on top of his desktop. He blew out smoke into the silence, the cigarette parked between his teeth. 

She gave him a moment as he thought it over. There was a lot to think over, after all. Maeve’s visit had him on edge, had his hands shaking, his mind reeling. She had shaken him up, which was surely her intention. Yet, he couldn’t help but let her get to him.

“I’m scared,” he admitted, at last, refusing to meet Aelin’s eyes. “Worried. For you, for the baby.”

“I know,” Aelin breathed. 

“I don’t know what to do,” he continued, pulling the cigarette from his mouth. “I don’t know how to make things right. Maeve, her men, they’re out for us, A.”

Aelin said nothing as her worried eyes met his. Rowan just shook his head, slowly. “I’m the leader of this fucking thing, and I don’t know how to make it right.” 

“You don’t have to know-”

“Yes, I do!” he yelled, and Aelin went silent. “It’s my fucking job to know! And I don’t, okay? I don’t know what to do! I don’t know how to keep us all safe, and I don’t know the right thing to say!” Rowan took the cigarette and put it out in the ashtray on his desk. His face fell into his hands. “We’re all going to suffer. And, I don’t know how to stop it.”

Aelin’s eyes softened as she stood from her chair and came around his side of the desk. Rowan didn’t move as she came up behind him and wrapped her slender around him, her lips pressing into the side of his cheek.

“You’re not alone, Ro,” she whispered.

Rowan appreciated the gesture, but he felt like he was alone, felt like he was the face of this battle. He was the one that had killed Arobynn, after all. It was necessary, of course, but it had caused quite the reaction. 

Which was to be expected, he supposed, even if it was delayed, two years later. 

There was no winning solution.

“I want you to stay here, at all times, unless someone else is with you,” he said, at last, keeping his voice quiet.

Aelin looked as if she wanted to protest, but didn’t. “Okay,” she said, at last. 

Rowan nodded, taking her face into his hands. “I won’t put you in harm’s way.”

Aelin nodded, smiling as comforting as she could, although Rowan felt no comfort at all.

He had to make this right.

Had to find a way to protect them all.

Because Maeve was right about one thing.

If any of them died, their blood would be on his hands.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@mariamuses  @garnet-29  @writer-reader-traveller  @rowaelin-cressworth  @space-buns-arsinoe  @negativenesta  @empress-ofbloodshed  @the-regal-warrior  @starseternalnighttriumphant  @westofmoon  @sammyjojaaaa  @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter  @carbconnoisseur @acer6437  @lorcansalvatearupmyheart  @cool-ish-nerd  @mynewdreamwasyou  @mourning-razorlust  @thespiritualrider  @rowaelinforeverworld  @didsomeonesayviolin  @gloriouspaintercreatorbandit  @yeah-just-ignore-me-thanks  @queen-of-glass  @the-dark-swan  @http-itsrebecca  @holdingon-21@babycardan @tswaney17  @mollycateoc  @chemicha  @bat-wing-rhys @exersize-me-i-dare-u @thespiritualrider  @luna-the-little @morebooks-pls  @shyvioletcat  @hermajestyanna  @a97girl  @stardustsroses  @queenofthemoon22 @alifletcher2012  @awkward-avocado-s  @faerie-queen-fireheart  @cwheart  @lovemollywho @emilyrose111294  @nerdperson524  @sleeping-and-books @cursebreaker29 @flora-and-fae @feyrethedarklady @the-dark-swan @rowaelinforeverworld @sjmsstuff @januarystears @mis-lil-red  @acourtofmoonlight   @rowaelinforeverworld  @courtofmaasdestruction @jjellybean  @thewayshedreamed  @wind-drinker  @aelin-rowan-whitehorn  @starseternalnighttriumphant  @hurema @http-itsrebecca  @lorcansalvatearupmyheart  @cityofchelsea16 @januarystears  @iliketoasterstrudels  @lightitup-bryce  @yikesitsmaddie @feyrethedarklady @i-love-all-books  @keshavomit  @sleeping-and-books @scarznstars  @http-itsrebecca @cat5313 @moondancer-204  @booklover242 @belamoonbeam @they-call-me-cuatro   @b00kworm  @mu-si-ca-l   @thegayerpotato  @abraxos-is-toothless  @keshavomit  @musicdreamer003   @superspiritfestival  @sailorsassley  @mymultiversee @alxanxah @viviaannvu123  @mysweetvillain @theghostlyharrypooperfan @highqueenofelfhame  @shyvioletcat @maastrash @thewayshedreamed @wifeofchrishemsworth  @loveofbooksandwine  @mu-si-ca-l​ @rosalineroses​ @l0sts0uls1128​ 

[sleepypeaky]

away

part 1/2

part 2

Michael gray x fem reader

request: Henloo i'm feeling very sad these days because my parents are always fighting:( could you please write an imagine where the reader has a crush on michael and he already kinda noticed it, but one day she just runs(because she is tired of all of that stuff w parents) away but no one can find her so the shelby bros and him go and try to find her, then michael comforts her♡♡

Warnings: parent fighting, swearing, smoking (idk why i did it but it is what it is)

a/n: im sorry you’re parents are fighting :( mine hate each other sm that theyre never in the same room but i feel your pain. anY way i hope you like this and it makes you feel a lil better . also im making this a 2 parter. so stay tuned!

also lmaoO did i project in this one jkdshgsdkjhg

--

You sat on the roof and smoked your cigarette. 

You let out a shaky breath. The screams continued downstairs and carried out through your open window. 

It shouldnt bother you anymore. You should be more than used to it. But each yell cut into you. 

You took a long drag and chucked the end over the rooftop. You turned and closed your window slightly, then went to the edge of the roof and climbed down the barren trellis. 

Not knowing where to go, you allowed yourself to be drawn to the place where people who didnt know where to go went: the garrison. 

Besides the harsh stench of drunk men, you liked the garrison. Many of your friends frequented the place, and you were tied in with the blinders. Also, michael was normally there, which was no bad thing.

You and Michael had an undefined relationship–which is to say, you talked in passing, and you were slightly madly in love with him.

So it helped your shaky nerves when you entered the dark bar to see Michael and Isiah chatting in a booth. Isiah, actually a good friend of yours, gestured for you to sit with them.

“Oi (y/n), what’re you doing out this late? Shouldnt you be studying?”

You shook your head,

“nah, my parents are at it again, i couldnt focus.”

Both boys nodded understandingly.

“Anywayyy,” You changed the subject “I hear life is pretty interesting with you guys, a lot of....action.” Obviously you were implying the rumors of raids and other nefarious doings of the blinders.

Michael chuckled, “Yep, you could say that.”

The night went on, and with more drinks your inhibitions lessened and you felt much freer. Isiah pulled you both up to the dance floor and easily found himself a dancing partner. Sly bastard, you thought. He obviously knew about your crush on michael, and took oh so much pleasure in tormenting you.

You brushed this off and suppressed your glee as you turned to michael for a dance. 

Michael, on the other hand, was more nervous about dancing with you than anything else. He was a horrid dancer, and he didnt want to utterly embarrass himself in front of you.

But it was more casual than he thought, merely a swaying and occasional swish of movement. 

You both refrained from talking, there seemed to be no real need.

After a long while, you both stood outside the doors of the pub. Isiah had exited with you, but obviously had found an ‘enticing offer’ which he didnt intend to refuse. So you and Michael stood in the slight chill alone. 

“Would you like me to walk you home?” Michael said, adding on quickly, “uh –Its just that there are all sorts about at night. Definitely safer if i do.”

You smiled and nodded in thanks, although you both knew you could more than handle it yourself.

He took out a small silver case from his coat pocket and offered you a cigarette, you thanked him and accepted.

“I only smoke because it eases my nerves, you know.” You said quietly as you walked.

“Me too.” Michael grunted. “Also everyone around me constantly does it so i didnt know what else to do.” He added with a slight humor.

You chuckled.

As you approached your house, you listened. It was quiet, they had probably exhausted themselves. You took this as an ok to let michael walk you right to the step.

“Thank you for walking me back.” You said.

“No problem.” He smiled. Before leaving he added,

“Tomorrow me, bonnie, isiah and his girl, are going fishing if you want to join us.”

You grinned. “I’d love to.”

~

The next day was more fun than you possibly had ever had. You laughed heartily every time isiah failed to catch a fish, and how bonnie was desperately trying to pretend he wasn’t scared of the writhing animals. And Isiah’s girlfriend was as always a very pleasant person to spend time with. Michael was just the cherry on top; and a jolly good fisherman at that. You were out into the dusk before you made your way home.

But.

Even before you reached the steps you could hear the din of their voices, and the grin from your face faded. And they only became louder when you opened the front door.

You walked the hallway into the kitchen where they were. 

“(y/n)!” Came your mother’s voice instantaneously after you entered the room. “Where have you been!?”

Your father growled back at your mom, “Oh dont start..”

And just like that they were fighting again. The shrill level of their voices rang in your ears, building and building until...

“YOU KNOW WHAT!? Fuck this.” You yelled.

You dashed back to the staris and into your room and threw your favorite belongings into a barely used case. You grabbed the jar of coins in you closet and smashed it on the floor, picking through the shards to collect your life savings. Savings that were once meant for college.

You shoved your arms through a heavy down coat and climbed out the window for the last time.

-

It was pitch dark when you arrived at the door. So dark that even the streetlights barely cut the black, thick air. 

You hesitated, then lifted your fist to the painted wood.

After a minute or two, the door opened.

“I’m sorry,” You said. “I didnt know where else to go.”

☾ ✧ ☾ ✩ ☾ ✧ ☾ ✩ ☾

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[carryonsimoncarryonbaz]

My fic for the Carry On Countdown day 2 prompt Role Swap. 

Simon returns for eighth year at Watford but to his dismay the roommate he's been pining over for three years is nowhere to be found. Simon searches for Baz, avoids Agatha and tries to come to terms with the feelings he has for his missing roommate.

Mirror Man

Simon

I run up the stairs to our room. I don’t know what I’m expecting. Baz never gets to Watford this early.

I do. Every time. I check myself out of care the day Watford opens the gates for the new school year.

Baz always shows up the night before classes start.

I just thought . . . I hoped . . . well, I suppose I really wanted this year to be different. That he’d come early, to savour our last year here. That I’d get a few more days with him.

The room is empty when I open the door. It doesn’t even smell like Baz anymore.

It smells a bit like the dirty socks I forgot in the corner.

He’s obviously not here.

I open the window to air out the room. Baz always fusses about the window but I don’t think he’d argue today--it’s warm and there’s a breeze.

And it might make the sock smell go away before he gets here.

I think about incinerating the socks but I don’t trust my spells yet. It’s hard after the months in care.

It’s hard in general. My spells are never reliable. It’s always hit or miss. Mostly miss.

I think about tossing my socks in the moat so the merwolves can choke on them, but that’s not being ecologically responsible so I end up washing them in the sink.

I put away the few things I brought with me from the home and hang up my new uniform.

And then I lie down on my bed and think about Baz.

Grey eyes.

Black hair.

That Baz is a vampire.

The fact that Baz Pitch is the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen.

And I’m hopelessly in love with him.

Emphasis on the hopeless part.

Baz hates me. He’s hated me since the day we met--the day the Crucible brought us together.

He hates me for being the Mage’s Heir. For doing the Mage’s bidding. He despises me for being so thick and such shit with my magic. For how I look, how I talk, the way I eat, the fact that I keep the window open at night.

For everything, I think. I thought I hated him too. I thought that was why I watched him all the time. Why I followed him, why I sparked the arguments with him, the reason I couldn’t let him out of my sight.

It was fifth year when I finally realized how I felt. The night I followed Baz into the Catacombs and found him by his mother’s tomb. Drinking from a flask and saying . . .  saying things that made me rethink everything.

I stopped following him to the Catacombs after that. Even if he is a vampire, he still deserves privacy to grieve at his mother’s tomb undisturbed.

I stopped following him at all. For awhile.

I didn’t know what to think. And I couldn’t stop thinking.

About Baz.

The way his hair had fallen out of its usual slicked back severity that night to fall in waves that framed his face.

I liked that. I liked it a lot.

Or how his eyes had been half-lidded, his body relaxed as he rested against the stone wall of the Catacombs, his cheekbones highlighted by the flickering torchlight.

He was beautiful.

I’d never thought of him that way before but once I did, I couldn’t stop.

I wanted to touch his hair. Sweep it behind his ear and trail my fingers along his jaw. I wanted to look into his eyes and have all his focus be on me, to see his gaze soften as our eyes met.

I still want that.

That and a whole lot of other things.

I’m being stupid, of course. None of that will ever happen.

Baz can’t stand me. He barely tolerates sharing a room with me, if I’m going to be honest.

And even if he didn’t hate me, he’s dating the most beautiful girl at Watford.

Which means he’s straight.

He’s been with Agatha since the end of fifth year. They’re breathtaking together--her milky gold hair set off by his dark mane.

They match--both posh, both wrenchingly beautiful, both comfortable in the world of Mages, confident of their place in it.

And then there’s me. Simon Snow. Orphan. Filled with magic I can’t control. A weapon to fight the dark creatures that threaten our world. The Mage’s protege.

With a future that can only end in flames.

I’m supposed to be Baz’s nemesis.

I’m not supposed to be pining over him.

I look over at his empty bed, the way I’ve looked at it countless times over the past years, when Baz was actually in it.

This is our last year at Watford. This is our last year together.

These are the last few months I’ll ever have a chance to be this close to Baz Pitch.

Fuck it all.

I should probably quit moping and go find Penny. Stop obsessing over a boy I’ll never have.

It doesn’t stop me from picking up Baz’s pillow as I walk by his bed. I breathe in the faint hint of cedar and bergamot that clings to the fabric before I leave the room.

The days pass and Baz doesn’t come. He isn’t at tea when the first Visiting occurs. He’s not at the welcome-back picnic.

He isn’t in our room the night before the term starts and he doesn’t show up for classes the next day.

Or the day after that.

The professors stop calling out his name after the first week.

The rumors that fly through the dining hall are varied and absurd.

He’s gone off for a dark coming of age ritual.

He’s left Watford to work for his father.

He’s apprenticed himself to an herbalist, like his crazy aunt.

He’s vacationing in Ibiza.

I don’t believe any of it. Baz would never miss school. He wouldn’t leave eighth year unfinished.

He’d certainly never let Penny finish first in our class.

He wouldn’t abandon his mother’s legacy.

Baz wouldn’t do any of that. I know him. I think I know him better than anyone.

And I think something’s very, very wrong.

I start stalking his best friends Dev and Niall. I pester them with questions and harass them about Baz but I don’t think they know any more than I do. They’re vague and insulting when I corner them but there’s a hint of worry in their eyes when I do.

Agatha’s taken to sitting with Penny and me for meals now that Baz is gone, but she won’t answer any of my questions about him.

“I don’t want to talk about him, Simon. I don’t know where he is. I’m not his keeper.”

She sits next to me in class. She gives me the smiles she used to save for Baz.

It feels all wrong.

I scour the Catacombs for any sign of him. It’s overrun with rats down there, which tells me all I need to know. I won’t find him there.

I comb the Wavering Wood for clues. I hack at the underbrush and hack off the resident Dryad when I do.  

“What do you seek, Chosen One?”

“I’m looking for my roommate, Baz.”

She glares at me as she twirls her parasol. “The blood-eater is not here, Mageling. Seek him elsewhere.”

“I’ve searched everywhere.”

“Then perhaps he doesn’t want you to find him.”

“Listen, if you do see him, could you let me know?”

“He is not here and you are a menace.” She turns away and floats back into the dimness of the forest.

Typical.

I see Agatha on the ramparts a few days later. I follow her up. I wonder if she’s waiting for Baz.

If she’s yearning for him like I am.

She’s a lovely sight, leaning over the walls, her hair streaming in the wind, her pale face lit by the moon.

She’s a vision in her white dress.

She’s also probably freezing. It’s cold up here.

Agatha turns when she hears my footsteps on the stones. Her eyes are wide and dark as she smiles at me.

It’s that smile. The one she used to have just for Baz.

“Were you looking for me, Simon?”

I wasn’t, not in the way she thinks at least.

I’m starting to get the idea that Agatha might be hoping I was searching for her.

I’ve probably given her a reason to think that. I’ve watched her with Baz for so long. Watched him take her hand, stared at her fingers as she curled a strand of his hair around her finger, seen her lean in close to whisper to him. Adjust his already perfectly knotted tie.

I’ve watched her do every single thing I’ve wanted to do to Baz since fifth year.

I’ve got a list.

And for the first time I realize I may have been giving Agatha the wrong impression. That she’s taken those longing looks and stares and assumed they were for her.

My stomach clenches at the thought. Merlin, I’ve made a mess of this. I never meant to lead her on.

I think back to the last time I saw Baz.

He was in the Wavering Wood--holding Agatha’s hands in his and staring at her so intently.

The way I wish he’d look at me.

I’d made a sound I think, as Penny clutched my arm, and they’d both turned to look at me--Baz’s gaze turning right back to Agatha in an instant, dismissing me in a way that made my heart squeeze painfully in my chest.

But Agatha had stared back at me--long and steady, almost appraising.

I didn’t know how she could take her eyes off of Baz, how she could turn away from him.

I never could. I’d never look away. I’d never turn my back on him.

But then the Humdrum had snatched me away before I could embarrass myself any further.

Agatha’s still waiting for an answer from me.

“Uh . . . um . . . I was just wondering why you were wandering the ramparts.” The next words come out before I think them through. “Are you waiting for Baz?”

The smile turns into a frown. “I’ve told you, Simon. I’m not his keeper. I’m not waiting for him. Not anymore.”

I’m not sure what she means by that.

“Then why are you up here? You don’t even have a coat. It’s bloody cold, Agatha.”

It is. The wind is icy and there’s been a distinct chill in the air all day. I see a shiver run through her as the next gust of wind washes over us.

I take off my duffel coat and drape it over her shoulders. She makes an attempt to protest but sinks into it gratefully when I insist, shoving her hands deep in the pockets. There’s a flash of white in her hand as she does, a piece of fabric clutched between her fingers.

“I just needed to clear my head,” Agatha says, leaning on the ramparts again, her shoulder brushing mine.

“And did you?” I don’t know why I’m making small talk but I can’t just leave when she’s wearing my coat, now can I?

Agatha turns to me, reaching out her hand to take mine. “I did.”

I’m not sure what she’s doing. Her fingers are cold as they thread between my own.

“I’ve been thinking, Simon.”

I swallow but I don’t have anything to say. I have the distinct feeling I’ve gotten myself into a situation here. And I’m likely to bollocks it up even further, knowing me.

“Thinking about you. And me. And Baz.”

Merlin and Morgana. It may be cold up here but I break into a sweat at her words. Can she know how I feel about Baz?

Bloody hell.

“I don’t know if you’re aware, Simon, but Baz and I broke up at the end of the school year.”

This is news to me.

“I didn’t  . . . I hadn’t realized.” My mind is racing. Is that what was happening that day in the Wavering Wood? Had Baz broken up with her?

“No, I suppose you hadn’t.” She squeezes my hand. “You’re such a dear, you know.”

I’m starting to feel very uncomfortable.

“I made some realizations that day and came to the decision that Baz and I really weren’t suited for each other.”

She broke up with Baz? Who would break up with Baz?

I drop her hand. “Is that why he hasn’t come back?” I can’t quite keep the accusatory tone out of my voice.

“I’ve no idea. I haven’t spoken to him.” She flips her hair back. “I honestly don’t think he was all that upset about it. It wasn’t as if we were in love, or anything. We just sort of drifted together in the first place and then drifted apart. It happens.”

I blink. “But . . . but . . . you and Baz, you’re not . . . you aren’t . . .” I’m blustering. I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Agatha broke up with Baz.

Baz, the boy I’ve loved for three years.

Baz, who hates me.

Baz, who’s missing.

“It was nice while it lasted, Simon, but it’s not like Baz is the only boy at Watford.”

He’s the only one for me, I think.

Agatha reaches out and puts her hand on my wrist. “We should go in, Simon. I’m sure you’re freezing.” She hooks her arm around mine and tugs me towards the stairs.

I’m in a daze. I’m not really paying much attention to what Agatha is saying until we’re at the bottom of the steps. Mummers is to our left and the Cloisters to our right. This is where we should part ways.

“It’s been nice sitting with you and Penny and getting a chance to get to know you.” She squeezes my arm as she says this and I’m on alert again. “I’d like to get to know you better.” It’s almost a purr and she’s smiling that smile at me again.

Oh.

“Ah . . . yeah . . . it’s been nice getting to know you too.” I’m stumbling over my words. “Uh  . . . and for Penny too. It’s nice for her to have another friend.”

“Hmm. Yes, of course. Friends.” She draws the word out as she looks up at me from under her lashes and she’s a vision--all golden hair, deep brown eyes, milky skin. She’s gorgeous but all I feel is a sense of dread.

I have the distinct impression Baz’s ex-girlfriend is hitting on me. Which is not what I want in the slightest.

Fuck. This is all my fault. I was right--I’ve given Agatha the wrong impression. She’s obviously convinced I’ve been pining over her, rather than Baz. What a bloody mess. How do I manage to always bollocks things up?

I need to get out of here. Find a way to brush her off without pissing her off as well. Good luck with that. I’m shit with words.  

“Uh . . . so I’ll see you tomorrow then?” I’m so stupid. That’s encouraging her. Merlin, I am absolute pants at this.

“Yes, I’d like that.”

Oh fuck. Tomorrow is Saturday. I wouldn’t have to see her at all and now I just put my foot in it. I’m a fucking disaster. How do I do this to myself?

“Um . . . see you at breakfast then.” I’m trying to minimize the damage. Maybe that’ll work. I unhook my arm from hers and take a few steps towards Mummers.

“Oh, Simon! Your coat.” Agatha starts to shrug out of it.

“No, it’s alright. You wear it. You’ve got the longer walk.”

Her lips curve up again. I know it’s supposed to be attractive but it just makes me more agitated.

She pulls the collar of my coat up, snuggles into it and says “Smells like you. Like a bonfire. Warm and cozy.”

And that’s it. I can’t have her keeping my coat. I can’t have her snuggling in it and looking at me this way and thinking about me like that.

“Um . . . why don’t I just walk you back now and I can take it with me then?”

That makes her look even happier.

Fuck.

She takes my arm again, pulling me close, and we start to walk towards the Cloisters, Agatha chatting at me the whole way there.

She’s talking about Christmas and the Club and the parties her parents have for the holiday. I catch about half of what she’s saying.

I can’t really pay attention. My brain has short-circuited at the idea that Agatha might be attracted to me.

I need to put a stop to this. I’ve accidentally led her on but now that I suspect she’s got an interest in me I can’t let it keep going.

Mostly because I’m not attracted to her that way.

But also because I know how hurt Baz would be to know Agatha turned her attention to me, after breaking it off with him.

Likely more furious than hurt. It would make him hate me even more.

It feels disloyal to him to even be walking with her this way--arm in arm, her head practically resting on my shoulder.

It’s a relief when we finally reach the Cloisters and Agatha slides my coat off. She hugs it to her for one instant before handing it back and my stomach plummets.

I put it on and busy myself with the buttons, backing away from the door as I do.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then, Simon.” “See you at breakfast, yeah.” And then I make a run for it, literally jogging across the courtyard to Mummers and taking the steps two at a time to get to my room.

Bloody hell. That’s all I need now, Agatha taking a fancy to me. What a disaster. I jam my hands in my coat pockets as I walk to my wardrobe.

There’s something in the left hand pocket. I pull out a wadded bit of cloth.

It’s one of Baz’s handkerchiefs. I’d know it anywhere. It’s got his family crest on it: flames, the moon, three falcons. I clench it in my hand.

It’s what Agatha was holding.

I know there are half a dozen just like it in the drawer across the room but this one feels precious to me. I bring it up to my face and inhale.

It smells like Baz.

I’ll make this right with Agatha tomorrow. I’ll figure out what to do, what to say, to stop whatever she thinks is going on.

I tuck the handkerchief under my pillow.

Distancing myself from Agatha isn’t as easy as I’d hoped. She sits next to me at mealtimes. She’s in more than half my classes.

I’ve taken to studying in the room because she comes to the library to sit with me and Penny now. I’m sure it’s going to affect my marks, not studying with Penny, but it’s too awkward having Agatha there.

She bumped her leg against mine today and then kept it there.

I had to pretend to go look for a book in the stacks when shifting away from her didn’t work.

I should just tell her.

Not that I fancy Baz. I’m not telling anyone that. I haven’t even told Penny.

No, I’ll have to tell Agatha I don’t think of her that way. Which I’m sure will sound absolutely lame and ridiculous, as she’s the most gorgeous girl in school and the rest of the blokes would likely kill for a chance to date her, now that she’s not with Baz anymore.

I still wonder about that. I can’t imagine why she broke it off with him. I mean, yes, he’s a snide arsehole and an arrogant prick but he’s never been that way with her. He’s all courtly and chivalrous, polite and attentive. He’s fit and smart and posh as hell. An Old Family name and Old Family money. Quite the catch and drop-dead gorgeous to boot.

It doesn’t make sense.

Maybe it’s the vampire thing. But surely she knew before now? She couldn’t be dating him for three years and not know, could she?

I mean, I know.

And yes, fine, it’s not confirmed or anything. I haven’t caught him in the act of draining a rat. I don’t have proof, photographs, a written confession--all the things Penny demands as evidence.

But I know.

And I don’t care.

Really, I don’t.

He’s not that kind of vampire. I know he doesn’t go after people. It’s rats and rabbits and squirrels. It’s probably just enough for him to get by. He doesn’t even go after Ebb’s goats and they’re easy prey.

Except Ebb would likely incinerate him on the spot. She’s tetchy about the goats.

Baz has had every opportunity to drain me dry and he hasn’t--and it’s not just the Anathema that’s keeping him from it. He could easily have done it in the Catacombs. Or in the Wavering Wood. Fed me to the merwolves when he was done with me and blamed my absence on one of the Mage’s missions gone wrong. No one would have known.

But he hasn’t.

That has to mean something.

I know I was an arse about it fourth and fifth year. I’d shout about Baz being a vampire to anyone who would listen.

No one really did. They all thought I was mental.

And then, that night, when I saw him in the Catacombs by his mother’s tomb--that’s when I knew I was right.

I could see the freshly drained rats in the corner. I could see, even by torchlight, that his face had more color to it.

It was the circumstantial evidence that I’d been seeking but it felt hollow when I had it in my grasp.

I’d turned away. Left him there. Left him and went straight to the library.

To the Magickal Records.

To read everything I could about Natasha Pitch. And how she died.

It made sense then. They’d Turned Baz that day. It wasn’t written out anywhere or mentioned at all.

But knowing Baz, seeing him in the Catacombs, hearing what he said, reading the accounts--it isn’t that hard to piece it together. He was Turned the day his mother died.

He was a child and they killed his mother and Turned him. I’d happily incinerate the lot of them if Natasha Pitch hadn’t done it already.

Baz has been hiding it ever since. He’s been trying to live his life as a Mage and repress that other side of him.

All the pieces fell into place. Why he was so secretive. Why having a roommate--any roommate--would be torture for him. Why he kept his distance from almost everyone in our class. Except Dev and Niall, who are basically family or close to it.

And Agatha.

All I did was make life more miserable for him.

So I’d stopped. Stopped accusing him of being a vampire. Stopped following him down to the Catacombs. Stopped picking fights with him about every little thing.

But I couldn’t stop watching him. Couldn’t stop trying to stay close to him.

Couldn’t risk something happening to him.

Or the chance that someone would find out what he is. Especially the Mage.

I suppose you could say I was watching over him. That sounds better than stalking, I think.

We’d not been at each other’s throats by seventh year. We had a pattern. A way of moving around each other, navigating the spaces in our room, our interactions distant but almost civil.

It was what had made me so hopeful for this year. That maybe Baz was as tired of fighting as I was. That the first steps we’d taken last year might take us on a path to something different.

Not what I longed for but maybe, just maybe, we could find a way to be friends.

But he’s not here.

He’s not here and every day feels like the emptiness he’s left behind grows bigger.  

It’s a weight on my chest, like I can’t take in a deep enough breath, as if there’s not enough air for me to breathe anymore.

The days pass.

I stop looking for Baz.

I know it’s not his step on the stairs. I know he’s not in the seat behind me in class. I know it’s not his feet rustling the leaves in the Wavering Wood (he’s much stealthier than that).

I know it’s not him on the football pitch.

He’s nowhere he should be and that hurts.

I avoid Agatha as best I can. I’ve taken to avoiding meals just so I don’t have to sit with her. Or I’ll just rush in, stuff my face for a few moments at the table, and then rush off to my room with a few bacon butties or scones in my hand.

Penny thinks I’m being ridiculous. “Just tell her you’re not interested, Simon.” She kicks my leg under the table. Agatha left breakfast early to finish her Political Science essay so Penny and I are finally, blissfully alone. “You’re not a good match, so just tell her already and let’s stop this hide and seek you’re playing.”

“I’m not playing hide and seek.”

“You practically run out of the room when she comes in and then she’s wandering around looking for you. It’s aggravating, Simon.”

“I don’t want to hurt her feelings.”

Penny glares at me over her glasses. “You think it’s any better leading her on like this?”

I groan. “I don’t mean to lead her on, Penny. I thought she’d get the hint by now.”

Penny’s eyes narrow. “Communication, Simon. You can’t expect people to read your mind. Just tell her it’s a bad idea and move on.”

She’s right.

Confrontation unnerves me. This kind, I mean, the kind I can’t solve with my sword.

I’m good at confronting goblins and orc-upines and all manner of dark creatures, but I’m shit at talking about things like this. Feelings. Relationships. I’ve just got no clue how to go about it and I’m sure I’ll bollocks it up. I’m shit with words.

I grab fistfuls of my hair and groan again. “You’re right, Penny. I know. I’ll figure out a way to tell her.”

“There’s nothing to figure out, Simon. It’s just a short conversation. ‘Agatha, I just want to be friends.’ That’s it.”

“Ugh. I know.” I pull on my hair again. “Did I tell you she’s invited me home with her for Christmas?”

“Simon, you know you can’t go.”

“Of course, I’m not going to go. I’ll go back to the home, like I always do.”

Her eyes soften and she reaches across the table to take my hand. “I wish I could bring you home with me, Simon, you know I do.”

I squeeze her hand. “I know you do, Pen. You all barely fit as it is. You don’t need me sleeping in your bathtub.” I’m trying to lighten the mood. I know Penny hates the idea of me being in the homes. She was going to write a stern letter to the Mage about it fifth year but I wouldn’t let her.

“I’d sleep in the bathtub if it came to that, Simon. But Mum’s told me I can’t bring you, even if I spell you invisible. It’s just too much.”

I know it’s my magic. And me, in general. I put Professor Bunce on edge.

She’s sensitive to the overabundance of magic in me and it gives her a headache. And I’m generally in the way: knocking over stacks of books or messing up her papers or making a bollocks of a spell. It’s an effort to have me there for a weekend.

There’s no way she could tolerate me for all of Winter Break.

I can’t say Agatha’s offer isn’t tempting. I’ve never spent Christmas with people. In a house with a real tree and a fireplace and a holiday meal and people who actually like each other sitting around a table together.

There’s usually just a pathetic fake tree at the homes, with donated gifts beneath it, and a shoddy Santa on Christmas Day for the little ‘uns.

We usually get a sham of a Christmas dinner. Turkey and gravy, a dollop of lumpy mashed potatoes, brussels sprouts and then a pudding of sorts. There’s still never enough to make me feel full.

So I can’t say it’s not tempting. It is. More than Penny can imagine. But it’s not fair to Agatha to take her up on the offer.

If she were Penny I’d do it a heartbeat. But things are already far too awkward with Agatha and I can’t go under false pretences. I don’t want to be her boyfriend.

And I think she’ll rescind the offer when I tell her all I want is to be friends.

It’s fine. I’ve spent every Christmas of my life in the homes so far and I can manage one more. It’ll be the last one anyway.

I’m on my own once I graduate from Watford. Out of the care system forever.

I’m buttering another scone when the doors to the dining hall fly open. At first I think it’s another Visiting but when the figure steps through the doors my heart thumps hard enough to almost burst from my chest.

I know that face. I know it as well as my own.

Black hair.

Grey eyes.

Baz.

I stand up, knocking my chair over. Penny clutches at my sleeve.

He doesn’t look right. He’s too thin. Too grey.

He’s limping.

Baz.

Baz.

Our eyes meet.

It takes everything in me to keep from running to him. Penny’s fingers are digging into my forearm. I think she’s going to leave bruises.

He’s not looking away.

I could never look away.

Baz

Snow is the first person I see, making as much of a racket as usual, surging to his feet and knocking over a chair as he does, the clumsy oaf.

I feel like I can breathe again at the sight of him. Something loosens in my chest at the familiarity of his face. Those ordinary blue eyes. Bronze curls in a tangled mess.

Our eyes meet and I can’t look away.

I don’t know why my gaze always targets him. No matter who else is in the room, I find myself seeking out Snow.

He’s thin. He shouldn’t be so thin. He looks as worn and strained as he does on the first day of term. This isn’t how Snow should look. His cheeks should be filled out by now, from the mountains of butter-slathered scones he’s devoured, the stacks of roast beef sandwiches he’s inhaled, the endless piles of bacon butties he loves.

I look like shit myself, if Fiona is any judge. I know I’m thin, frightfully pale and saddled with this ungainly limp still. Fuck the bloody numpties.

Snow hasn’t looked away so neither do I.

The thought comes unexpectedly and I don’t know what to make of it.

We match.

I look away. I can’t keep my eyes locked on Snow with those kinds of thoughts in my head.

Thoughts like the ones that would come to me when I was near mad with thirst and desperation while I was with the numpties.

Blue eyes.

Bronze curls.

The fact that Simon Snow is the most powerful magician alive.

That the image of him in my head was what kept me from succumbing to the darkness.

I don’t know what that means.

[realllllfangirllllll]

Beyond Lovers || Chp. 10

{More Than Friends Sequel}

Chairman!Jaehyun AU x CEO!Reader AU

Summary: You find yourself falling deeper and deeper in love with the former CEO after overcoming your fear of love. Although there were rough patches, both of you are now stronger than ever. However, you realize that maintaining a relationship and a company at the same time can be very difficult, especially if someone is out to destroy the both of you.

Masterlist

{ Previous / Next }

Jaehyun’s pov

I don’t know what happened to me. At first, I was peacefully talking to Taeyong and the next thing I knew, I was beyond furious and fought Yuta until he fell to the ground. Enough to make a statement but not powerful enough to seriously injure him. He was SM’s CEO after all. That piece of trash. Emily already hurt y/n enough. I won’t ever let that shit family, or anyone else, hurt her ever again. 

~~~

Y/n’s pov

Releasing a long sigh, I stared at the large hole that shaped the wall of our bedroom. Just a few minutes ago, Jaehyun and I broke out into the biggest fight we’ve ever had. Usually, our fights were nothing special-- a few bickering here and some disagreement there. This time, however, Jaehyun was furious. He looked at me with eyes that could kill. I’ve never felt as intimidated as I had just a few moments ago.

I tried to reason with Jaehyun. Meeting Yuta was just a last resort to saving our company, but he didn’t want to hear any of it. 

“Are you out of your mind?,” Jaehyun shouted as soon as the bedroom door slammed shut. “Actually don’t answer that. It’s clear you weren’t in your right mind if you met with Emily’s fucking cousin. Do you not understand how shady the whole fucking family is or are you just that dumb?”

I paid no mind to his angered spews and dug in my brain for a logical explanation that will calm him down. You spoke gently to him, “Jae listen to me. I was only trying to talk business with SM’s new CEO. He personally invited me so we can discuss how to put an end to the mess Emily started. He’s isn’t as bad as people imagined. Yuta isn’t Emily or her dad.”

I knew I have said the wrong thing as soon as his hands shot up to run it through his hair. His lips flattened to a straight line and I heard a low groan from him. “He isn’t that bad?” Before I could open up my mouth to correct my words, his fist went flying towards my face. I flinched and shut my eyes tightly as a gust of wind fanned my face. Turning around in horror I see the wall decorated with a large dent. Jaehyun left his fist connected to the wall as blood dripped from his knuckles and onto the wall.

I saw Jaehyun’s eyes soften back to reality as soon as he saw the fear in my eyes, but it was too late. His reckless behavior and possessiveness were way out of line this time. It sparked unknown resentment and fear in me. Before he was able to say another word, a tiny whimper left my voice as I told him with all the strength I had left, “Get out.”

~~~

Jaehyun’s pov

I promise to never let anyone hurt y/n, but I hurt her instead. Why do I always do this? I wanted to protect her. Let her know that family was dangerous, but I resorted to violence instead. 

“One iced coffee please.”

I took a seat at the cafe near our building as I waited for my order. I never thought a little cafe shop would mean anything to me, but ever since y/n’s disappearance, every little thing made me think of her. Ever since we started NCT, I would go here every morning with her. Now that I think of it, I don’t think NCT would have even happened if it weren’t for y/n. I came to this shop every day, stressed about starting NCT, but I left the shop happy every time. It was her who listened to my rants every day. It was her who made me laugh when I wanted to pull the hairs out of my scalp. She made me feel better every day. It was always her. 

But now, every morning, I’d come and leave this place missing her. It’s been weeks now and I still haven’t heard from her. In fact, none of us have heard from y/n. I’d call her every morning and every night, but to my disappointment, I would always end up in her voicemail box. 

The waiter placed my drink on the table and asked me, “You’ve been coming here alone for quite some time now. Where is the pretty lady who’s always with you? I wanted to get her number.”

I snapped out of my thoughts as soon as I heard those words. “What did you just say?”

I was about to put the waiter in his place before I looked up and realized who it was. He glared at me and sat down across from me. “See? This is why she left you. Why do you always have to act like you have a stick up your ass?”

I scoffed, “What do you know Taeyong. Just stay out of it, you headass.”

“Headass? How childish can you get Yoonoh. How did y/n even want to date you?”

I crossed my arms, ready to challenge him. “What do you know about dating?”

Taeyong scoffed and sat up a little straighter, crossing his arms as well. “Oh so we’re gonna go there now, are we?” 

I smirked waiting for his comeback.

“If you weren’t such a dumbass maybe your girlfriend wouldn’t have ran away from you.”

“Ouch.”

Taeyong continued relentlessly, “And don’t get me started about our high school days. You were always so cold to every girl that confessed to you. Did you even know they cried? And I was the one who always cleaned up your mess.”

I rolled my eyes, “It’s not like they actually liked me. Why are you so worked up anyway? You’re my best friend. I thought you came to comfort me, not drag me.”

I pouted at him and he reciprocated with a disgusted look, “Don’t get all sulky. You call me your best friend but who was the one dissing my love life earlier?”

Laughing at his response, I told him, “It was just a joke. Chill Yongie. You started it first.”

“Don’t ‘Yongie’ me. Get your shit together and show y/n you’re sorry for acting like a beast all the time.”

I sighed at the reminder of y/n. “Look, it’s not as easy as it seems. I fucked up big time.”

Taeyong got up and pat me on the shoulder before sympathetically saying, “Look dumbass she loves you more than you think. You just got to look at things from her perspective sometimes. You may think you’re protecting her but it may look like the opposite to her.”

I circled the edge of my drink with my finger, thinking deeply. He pats me one more time as he said, “I gotta go back to the stupid board meeting bro. Just stop acting so aggressive and put more thoughts into your every action alright?”

I nodded slightly as he headed towards the exit. Even as he started leaving, I heard him call out, “Kiss the girl!”

I laughed. At times I feel the most powerless, Taeyong was always there to give me strength. I recalled the times we were in high school. Where everything went wrong.

“Hey dumbass why do you look even colder today? Failed the test? Broke another girl’s heart?”

My eyes never left the ground, even as Taeyong wrapped his arm around my neck and dragged me to our main hall. Fury took over my eyes and my body was boiling with anger. That witch.

Taeyong stopped moving and grabbed my face, making me stare at him. His smile dropped as his tone got more serious, “Whoa whoa whoa, your eyes can kill bro. What happened?”

I spoke through gritted teeth, “That witch took down Mom’s portrait. She told me I couldn’t do anything about it because Father allowed it.”

Taeyong’s face immediately fell and I can already feel his pity seeping through his expression. I didn’t need that. I hated that. I hated looking powerless. I hated being powerless.

Suddenly, Taeyong scoffed and continued dragging me with his arm around my neck, “That mother fudger can kiss my donkey. She thinks she’s all powerful and all? She ain’t got nothing on my man Jung Yoonoh.”

I sighed, knowing those were just words of affirmation, “She is powerful. She got Father trapped under her spell and can get anything she wants. She continues to take all of his money and manipulates everyone, trying to make me seem useless…”

I received a face from Taeyong as he stopped me once again, strongly punching me on the arm. “Ow! What the heck?” I glared at him and rubbed my arm.

“Man up will you! How are you useless? Are you not the top student at this prestigious high school? Are you not the person who single-handedly punch that douche, Adam, in the face when he looked down on our class?”

My eyes wandered to the ground again, feeling helpless as he mentioned my past. With zero energy in my voice, I told him, “I’m currently useless, so why does all that even matter?”

He rolled his eyes at me, “Stop acting all stupid! I know you have it in you. You can either keep fighting this battle to prove to that witch that you are the strong person she doesn’t think you are, or you can stay here, moping, being the useless person she thinks you are.” He crossed his arms and tapped his foot impatiently, “So what’s it gonna be? Fight or mope?”

I smiled, thinking of the decision I chose. The decision that led me to become Korea’s most successful bachelor. The decision that drove the bitch far away from me.

Taeyong was right. He has always been right. I’m going to find y/n again and make things right again.

———

• I’ve been so busy lately with midterms ಥ_ಥ •

• More updates to come tho I promise~ •

• STREAM MOONWALK 🌘 •

[endysgirl]

Sailor Mars Birthday Tribute

I am so late on posting this but I just did not have time to edit. For Mars I wanted to talk about her 90s anime version and her much better manga version.

Let me start by laying my bias wide open. I never liked Sailor Mars. As a kid I thought she was unnecessarily mean. She was and still is my least favorite, besides ChibiMoon. She’s beautiful, and her powers and attacks are awesome. As for how she fits into the overall scheme of things, I have major issues with how the anime portrayed her compared to how Naoko intentioned her. Frankly, I can’t help but view 90s anime Rei as an imposter and I’ll explain why...

Ok, first let’s talk about 90’s anime-Rei. We know she’s very hard working, goes to an elite girls’s Catholic school and wants to be an independent career woman when she grows up. Yet, for some reason (*cough*patriarchy) she sees Mamoru in season one and thinks he’s perfect so she’s gotta have him. She embarrasses herself going all boy crazy over him (he literally steps on her head and just walks away) and he seems like a typical clueless dude who doesn’t realize she *likes* him. I relate hardcore to Mamoru here. She’s so thirsty and he is so not. Then fast forward to after Endymion gets taken and Rei slaps Usagi calling her a coward. It’s meant to be some great emotional scene that some fans latch on to. Yet, it’s not Rei’s slap that motivates Usagi. It just hurts her. Go watch it again (epi35); it’s the voice of Mask from her memory, gently and patiently encouraging her, as always, that she is strong and can fight that spurs Moon into action. We’ve seen over and over that Usagi responds to patient encouragement over violence, just like when she does when she faces the baddest villains. Yet, the 90s anime always has Rei cutting her down. As far as I’m concerned, it’s just the patriarchy at work, trying to convince young girls that the boy or girl who’s mean to you really does care about you. It’s toxic and just plain stupid.

Now, am I saying 90s anime Rei doesn’t really care about Usagi? No. Not at all. She’s her Senshi and they share the same heart and the same dream to protect those they love together. Of course she loves Usagi. My issue is how the 90s anime portrays that dynamic. It’s spreading toxicity within female friendships and trying to sell it as genuine. I also understand that Mars’s fiery personality is what a lot of her fans love about her. I’m not saying that’s bad either, even if it’s an inaccurate representation of the character Naoko created. Apparently, it was Ikuhara that wanted the anime to change her cold and aloof personality to “fiery”. To perpetuate the patriarchal tropes I’ve mentioned, the anime tried to paint her as Usagi’s bff of the group, usurping Minako’s place. In the manga, Minako is the Leader of the Senshi and the one closest to Usagi in personality and in her role as the Leader of Serenity’s guards. Yet the anime is constantly trying to make Mars the one that is extra special to Usagi. Case in point, at the end of Stars the first voice we hear address Eternal Moon after she defeats Galaxia is Rei but in the manga, Usagi is drawn hugging Minako first. These little moments bother me, probably a little too much.

Then there’s the love triangle they tried to created with her and Mamoru. Fucking kill me. The love triangle garbage is just typical, patriarchal tropism within the storyline that has no place in the SM story in regards to Mars. Let’s make two friends like the same dude bc that’s drama that people have been conditioned to enjoy. It’s lame as far as I’m concerned. Let’s take a moment to remember the random, stupid and pointless scene in the curry episode where ChibiUsa and Mamoru run into Rei and after a moment of awkwardness they decide to go find Usagi together. Tell me that’s not the patriarchy trying to validate one woman’s place by using another woman as comparison instead of letting her stand on her own. 😒 And they’re trying to backtrack on the whole Rei liking Mamoru episode. This isn’t Rei’s fault obviously, I’m just using this scene to explicate why I don’t like the dynamic the anime created, and why that makes Mars a difficult one for me to get excited about.

There’s no way you can convince me that Mars’s bitchiness wasn’t a direct result of a “male perspective” (as Naoko called it). The idea that female bffs bully each other and cat fight all the time is ludicrous. As a 32yo woman (and lifelong Moonie) with a tight circle of girlfriends, there isn’t a single one of us who would tolerate such toxicity from the other, even at 14yo. It just isn’t realistic, unless it’s a bad relationship. I’ll give the anime credit for getting one thing right - her bravery. In both the manga and the anime, Mars is fearless. She charges into battle and gives it her all. She doesn’t let any doubt get in her way. She does not hesitate or dwell on self-doubt. And that alone is reason enough to love her.

Now, let’s discuss Manga-Rei. Because Adult-Moonie-Me LOVES manga-Mars. She actually appears in Codename Sailor V outside the arcade. She says the atmosphere is “disquieting” and leaves. In the manga, she’s very quiet and reserved. There is no bickering or cat fighting between her and Usagi. She’s also probably the most objectively beautiful of the Inners. She’s suppose to be “slender”, with long black hair and brown eyes which are sometimes seen as purple. When Usagi first sees her on the bus, she thinks she’s soooo beautiful. And another time, when they’re at the beach/pool, guys keep buying Rei drinks but she’s not flirting or giving them any attention, bc she is not boy crazy. Sis is enjoying those drinks tho.

Her awakening in the manga is very similar to the anime with the exception that’s she sees a premonition of Usagi and Jadeite that makes her go find the bus. Like the other Senshi, she is drawn to Usagi.

In her manga profile, her dislikes are television, modern society (the anime has her immersed in pop culture, going so far as to make her write her own songs and dance at the school festival), canned asparagus and men. It’s implied that she doesn’t like men or care for them bc of her father. He never had time for her and she doesn’t have a good relationship with him. Plus in a short story, she has a guy she likes but he chooses to follow her father’s footsteps into politics. So she kisses him and is like, boy, bye. ✌🏽 She considers men emotionally weak, untrustworthy and is generally disinterested in them, even if they’re buying her drinks and fawning over her. Same, Sis.

She is described as beautiful and “reserved”, but “scary” when she’s angry. She so beautiful that when Mamoru’s underclassman, Asanuma, sees her, he thinks she would be the perfect girlfriend for Mamoru (who Asanuma thinks is perfect) and that she should be Mamoru’s ideal type. He’s really surprised that Usagi is so *ordinary*.

Rei has strong precognition and has an affinity to fire. Ironically, there is nothing in Shintoism about fire reading, so that must just be a shoutout to the Greek influence on the manga. I love her psychic abilities in both the anime and the manga. Random fun fact: Naoko worked at a Shinto temple for a while before or maybe during college.

Mars is one of the only Senshi, like Michiru, who can use an item as an attack in her civilian and Senshi form. Her “ofuda” (Shinto talismans) are powerful enough to disperse evil and make regular people faint (remember anime epi w/Unazuki’s mouth getting sealed and in the manga/crystal she accidentally “purifies” Usagi, causing her to faint). Mikos (shrine maidens) are known to use archery attacks, so civilian Rei was already proficient in archery before awakening as Mars. Also, just like Jupiter’s earrings stay on her when she transforms, Mars is always wearing a pendant and when she transforms, it attaches at the waist to her fuku.

Mars also, uniquely, has her own guardians: the Crows, Phobos and Deimos. In the anime, the crows never take human form as they do in the manga. In the Dead Moon arc, Jupiter and Mercury power up by speaking with their inner consciousness. But Mars powers up by speaking with the human forms of her crows. This is a great moment in the manga bc Phobos and Deimos basically tell Rei that’s it’s ok to not want or desire men and marriage. She is the asexual goddess everyone overlooks and I love this aspect to her personality. The Crows are the ones to give her the Mars Crystal which is her starseed. We also find out here that Mars pledged a vow of Chastity to Serenity in the SilMill. They don’t explain the reasons behind the vow, but considering Rei’s spirituality and serious conservatism, it’s understandable. Also, while Phobos and Deimos are named after the moons on Mars, in the Stars Arc it’s revealed that they’re from the Coronis and were acquainted with Sailor Lead Crow.

For the most part, Rei in the manga seems more boring than Rei in the 90s anime, but personally, I don’t think so. Reading the manga in middle school and seeing a female not *give*a*fuck* about marriage was awesome to me. She’s also kinder and she has far more respect for Usagi. She’s extremely popular at her school and has her own fan club. She carries herself with a certain dignity that reminds me of Michiru. She’s second in command after Venus. And let me end this by saying that Crystal gave Rei justice, and for that I am happy.

Happy Birthday, Mars! 🔥 🌙 ⭐️

P. S. Check out Allison Yarrow’s book “90’s Bitch: Media, Culture and the Failed Promise of Gender Equality” for more detailed analysis on how women in the 90s who wanted to have a home and a career got turned into the bitchy boss, bitchy girlfriend or bitchy best friend to subvert their quest for gender equality. I think Rei is the perfect example of this narrative. Especially when you consider men changed her nature in the anime from what her female creator intended for her. Also, check out the podcast on it https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/unladylike/id1333193523?i=1000432317654 (podcast name: Unladylike episode 45. how to free the 90s Bitch)

Thanks for reading all this you wonderful Moonies!!!

[blueberryraindrops]

Blueberry’s Ultimate T-Rated TUA Masterlist

KEY

Fics are organised alphabetically (articles e.g. ‘the’ will not count)

Download links are EPUB files only

authors can feel free to send me a msg if they want their fics’ download link taken down

Regular updates can be expected as long as I remain in the fandom

Last Update: 14/10/2020

Other Masterlists: All Fics; G-Rated; M-Rated; E-Rated

FANFICTION

☁︎ another cog in the murder machine by Ford_Ye_Fiji { T }

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Five finally gets the breakdown he deserves

☁︎ Blood like Lemonade by Ford_Ye_Fiji { T }

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Hunting high and low to seek revenge, Brand new moral code, got made reluctant renegade. Leaving empty souls when he avenged, Evil spirits flowed he drank the blood like lemonade.

Five's sordid past comes to light in, quite possibly, the most unpleasant way

☁︎ Details [Series] by VeteranKlaus { T }

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The last time Klaus saw his siblings was at Allison and Patrick's wedding. A lot had changed since then; including the not-so-accidental, irreversible loss of his sight.

There's no time to tell them that, though. Not with the return of their long-presumed-dead brother and the impending apocalypse. Plus, it doesn't matter. He's got Ben as a good seeing-eye ghost.

☁︎ do androids dream of electric sheep? by the_crownless_queen { T }

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Number Four is crying, and Grace was made to care for those children.

In which Grace was created to protect the children of the Academy. Even, as it turns out, from their father.

☁︎ don't waste your time (or time will waste you) by rosewitchx { T }

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He was an old man. He is sixteen. Ben dies next week. How does he know that? “I think I broke it,” Five stutters, and for the first time in her short life Vanya sees absolute terror in his eyes.

Or, Five travels back again. Something goes wrong.

☁︎ Fighting (Pre)Determinism by chibi_tantei { T / WIP }

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They go back in time, determined to rewrite their own family history. Only problem is, only one of them looks the proper age to get near their younger selves.

Or, six months after Five stormed out, determined to time travel, he returns home. His siblings are happy to have him back, but he's acting differently...

(Or, Five goes undercover as himself. Twice the siblings should make saving the world easier, right? Yet somehow, he's only now realizing how many issues his family has to fix.)

☁︎ Five and Dave's Life Changing (Life Saving) Field Trip by neuronary { T }

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The little boy, who Dave could now see was not as little as he’d first thought, shoved a tin mug at him. “Drink this.”

Dave drank. It tasted sickly sweet and slightly citrus-y. “Who are you?”

“Five.” The boy’s scowl deepened at Dave’s confusion. “Klaus’ brother.”

Or, Five saves Dave's life to stop Klaus from moping. From Dave's perspective, a very grouchy, sleep-deprived twelve-year-old kidnaps him and he finds it much more entertaining than he should.

☁︎ haven't you heard of meditation? by rosesareredvioletsareblue { T }

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"Klaus, you have a piece of glass sticking out of your neck!"

Klaus felt for the glass, wincing as he found it.

"Oh yeah. Fun." It took all of Five's willpower not to throttle him.

☁︎ Hidden Variables Theory, The by siriuspiggyback { T }

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Something has disturbed the space-time continuum, and it's up to Five to figure out what it is.

With a bit of luck, and a lot of alcohol, he might even manage to do it before he snaps and murders his siblings.

☁︎ haven't you heard of meditation? by rosesareredvioletsareblue { T }

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"Klaus, you have a piece of glass sticking out of your neck!"

Klaus felt for the glass, wincing as he found it.

"Oh yeah. Fun." It took all of Five's willpower not to throttle him.

☁︎ Hidden Variables Theory, The by siriuspiggyback { T }

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Something has disturbed the space-time continuum, and it's up to Five to figure out what it is.

With a bit of luck, and a lot of alcohol, he might even manage to do it before he snaps and murders his siblings.

☁︎ i'm gonna be here til i'm nothing (but bones in the ground) by iguessyouregonnamissthepantyraid { T }

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Someone definitely just punched him in the chest, right? That’s the reason for that feeling? Or that last batch of pills had something seriously off-label mixed into them. Because there’s no way. There’s no fucking way.

He squeezes his eyes shut until dots burst behind his eyelids, but when he opens them, the hallucination doesn’t go away.

“… Five?”

☁︎ if the sky comes falling down by synchronicities { T }

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The equations are still wrong.

In 2002, Number Seven wonders why her siblings are acting odd.

(Or, the post-finale “Vanya doesn’t remember the time travel” fic)

☁︎ If You're Different And You Know It (you're not alone) by M3zzaTh3M3z { T }

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Five was different. He’d always known. Different from most people, what with his freakish birth, powers and unconventional upbringing, all that old news. And different from his siblings. He was smarter. His powers were stronger. And he’d never picked a name. All that was old news too. But there was something else that separated him from the rest, something he didn’t know how to put a finger on, how to categorize, analyse, understand. Five didn’t like not understanding. It was probably Klaus that made him first notice something was off.

☁︎ Is the sadness everlasting? (love, I think it is) by ArmedWithMyComputer { T }

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A look into what Klaus' newly discovered ability could mean for the siblings.

Diego could feel his whole body trembling as he faced the ghosts, only able to take shallow breaths as he struggled to process the true horror of what he was seeing.

And then they started howling.

The sound pierced though his stupor and forced him to his knees instantly. It was like nothing Diego had ever experienced before, and he was consumed with the intensity and overwhelmed by a deep chilling fear. It felt as though his mind had been taken over and all he could hear was the shrieks of grief, more intense than any emotion he had ever felt.

☁︎ It Does(n't) Matter by MYSTERYstew { T }

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It’s a familiar feeling, being lifted up by Luther and tossed around like he weighs nothing (to Luther he certainly does), it was a favorite move of Luther’s as a child. Nostalgia is not what Five feels, he’s too busy flailing as Luther throws him over the railing.

or, Five fails a jump

☁︎ Just One Minute by willowhisperer { T }

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Five holds up his end of the deal, soaked in blood. The Handler decides to toy with him a little while longer.

Maybe it's revenge, maybe she's riding the high of her shiny new position as head of the Commission.

Really, she just wants to win, once and for all.

☁︎ Lessons 'verse [Series] by Soulykins { T }

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Five was maybe four years old when he figured out that he was pretty much ride or die for his siblings. He was also four when he figured out that in the Umbrella Academy, you could never let Reginald Hargreeves figure out what you loved lest he use it against you. There was safety in aloof indifference, more than could be found anywhere else under their roof.

Five times Five Hargreeves protected his siblings the best ways he could, and the one time he failed.

☁︎ Lethe by shoelaces { T / WIP }

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Le·the | A river in Hades whose waters cause drinkers to forget their past.

Or: Five loses his memories instead of Vanya, and it falls to his siblings to raise a superpowered teenager in the 1960s, all whilst preserving their own new lives and preventing yet another apocalypse.

☁︎ Like an abyss by fridayyy { T }

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For the second time, Five has to (gets to?) grow up.

☁︎ Like Oxygen by sevansa { T }

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Klaus's powers may be a bit more extensive than just seeing the dead, he's not sure what to do about that.

OR

The one where Klaus's power is not ghosts, but souls and that makes a hell of a difference.

☁︎ Mellow Rays of a Departing Sun [Series] by Emotionally_Detached (Yeah_Toast) { T }

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He makes it. He time travels and makes it through another apocalypse. He makes it, but his siblings don't.

His siblings don't make it, except he's in his own childhood and they're still here, alive and thirteen and he can fix things.

He will fix things

☁︎ most dangerous place in the world, the [Series] by Princess_Sarcastia { T }

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"Grace is the third model in a series created by and for Sir Reginald.  She has access to the knowledge obtained by her predecessors in their time assisting Sir Reginald in his many endeavors.

All three of them were primarily designed as protectors.  Do no harm, just as Mr. Asimov said!

But Grace is slightly different."

[priority one: protect the children]

☁︎ New Life, A by BirdInTheCave { T }

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Allison had convinced Ray to come back to 2019 with her and her family and after a month of being cooped up in the house with the other Hargreeves plus their own unconventional guests, Ray suggests they spend some time alone. He's still struggling to fully comprehend the new world he's stepped into but he's determined that with Allison at his side he can get used to anything. Allison can't find a reason to say no. She should have said no.

Luckily for her, Five will always be there for his family, now that he's back.

☁︎ Not with me by ClaraCivry (Kat_Of_Dresden) { T }

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They never asked if any of that blood was his. Five is bleeding, and he is also giving up.

AU to 2X07, with hurt Five because after all that boy has been through...

☁︎ Number Five | And The Things that Make Him Tick [Series] by Kraeyola { T }

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It's only been two weeks for him.

AKA: Five succumbs to two weeks worth of badly cared for (physical and emotional) injuries, and ends up extremely feverish.

☁︎ On My Terms by CivilBores { T }

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“I did what you asked,” he tells her. “Now, the briefcase.”

Her eyebrows raise in mock-surprise, red lips curling up her face in a sadistic smile.

“You didn’t think that was all, did you?” she asks.

AU: The Handler gives Five a slightly different deal.

☁︎ Partners, Parents, or None of the Above by DarkFairytale { T }

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Kenny's mom assuming that Diego and Klaus were A) a couple and B) Number Five’s parents was both bemusing and amusing at the time. But that was because it was the only time it had ever happened. Now though? Now they just can't understand why these misunderstandings keep happening.

☁︎ rude awakening by Soulykins { T / WIP }

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When Five wakes up, he just knows someone is in the room with him. Of course, even he didn't except to come face to face with the Handler who he'd thought to be very very dead. And he especially didn't expect her to break into his room and watch him sleep while waiting for him to wake up.

It's very fortunate that Diego and Klaus show up to wake him up and take offense to some random lady in the same room as their very uncomfortable, very thirteen-year-old brother.

☁︎ Screaming in the Face of Communication by papayaromantic { T }

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It's not that he doesn't want to pay attention to Five, just that he seriously can't hear what the boy is saying past the wailing of the torn apart woman in front of him.

☁︎ shaking like I shook before by Anonymous { T }

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Five tries to deal with it alone, until he learns that he doesn’t have to.

☁︎ skirts and sweaters by slightlyworriedhuman { T }

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"I don't want to be a ‘cute little schoolboy’ anymore, alright?” Five snapped. For some reason, the thought of himself as a schoolboy was enough to make his skin prickle. Was it the implication that he was younger than the rest of them, less mature despite his life?

...Yeah, it was definitely that. Absolutely.Five wants a change in wardrobe. His siblings are more than happy to help.

☁︎ small changes by calypso42 { T }

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“I need to ask you something.” He set down the large stack of books he was carrying beside him. Klaus glanced at a few of the titles - Consciousness in the Brain - Memory & the Role of the Hippocampus - Soul vs. Matter: A Comprehensive Look at the Origins of Sentience - and grimaced.

“Are you… having an existential crisis, or something? Because I am possibly the worst person you could go to for that.”

...

When Five goes to Klaus to ask him something about his powers, Klaus doesn’t think much of it. At least, until he realizes that what he thought was simple curiosity was actually deeper than that, leading to a revelation about Five himself.

☁︎ take shelter by aloneintherain { T }

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AU where the apocalypse doesn’t follow the Hargreeves to the 1960s. Without the threat of nuclear annihilation hanging over their heads, the siblings can take the time to be a family again.

Until they find out that the Handler has been blackmailing Five.

☁︎ this is a bad town (for such a pretty face) by luciimariiellii { T }

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Five’s gone. (How the Hargreeves cope, and how they reunite.)

☁︎ to unexplain the unforgivable by darkviverna { T }

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Ability to see the dead and having a temporal assassin for a brother don’t mix well.

☁︎ Too Much Too Little by 1spideyson { T }

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Five says nothing on the ride back, just gently presses the tips of thin fingers to his eyes and temples like his head is a new instrument he’s learning to play. Like he’s searching for the right notes.

Diego tries not to cast too many worried glances the boy’s way, but when Five crawls into Diego’s bed, shaking and grey, he can’t stop himself from speaking up.

A look at Five and Diego's relationship through a h/c lens.

☁︎ Too Old To Be So Young by KaseyBeth { T }

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Five winced loudly, pushing his head off the floor to see bright red smeared across his chest and stomach; crimson soaked into his shorts, running down his leg. His head fell back against the ground dizzyingly, and he groaned as someone touched the wound, biting his bottom lip as he tried to stay conscious. The end of life, of everything, was in three days; they didn’t have time for this, he didn’t have time for this. A bullet wound, a stupid bullet wound and all that stupid concern and worry, was just going to slow them down. There wasn’t time for mistakes, or hiccups, or rest and recovery. It was the end of the fucking world.

☁︎ traumaversary by WeWalkADifferentPath { T }

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It follows him like an unscratched itch. Under his skin, over his body, around his energy, like a mosquito that won’t leave him the fuck alone.

April 1st. April 1st. April 1st.

(A character study of Five, with some inevitable family feels, in honour of March 24th).

☁︎ Unexpected Future, An by aseies { T / WIP }

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“I’m sure you’re looking forward to finding a way back to your own time as soon as possible,” Nedzu said. “I want you to know that U.A. will do everything in its power to help you achieve that goal. Time travel is a complicated equation to solve, but I’m sure if we put our heads together we’ll come up with something!”

Five raised a skeptical eyebrow. “And you’re just going to do that out of the goodness of your heart? I’m not even old enough for high school yet.”

“Well, we’re all heroes for a reason, no? What good are we if we can’t help a single child in need?” Nedzu pointed out with a pleasantly neutral smile as he sipped his tea.

OR: Instead of time traveling into the apocalypse, thirteen-year-old Five Hargreeves teleports in the middle of the USJ fight.

He gets a couple of new dads out of it.

☁︎ walls kept tumbling down, the by Ingu { T }

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It started small.

There was a nagging ache in his chest, phantom pain from where the bullets had pierced his flesh, in the overwritten timeline that never will be.

(the one where rewinding time doesn't miraculously resolve mortal gunshot wounds)

☁︎ We All Deserve Second Chances (but don't repeat your mistakes) by justarandomword, wolvesandnovas { T }

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Time-travelling gave Ben a second chance at life. He's not about to let Reginald Hargreeves ruin that for him and Klaus.

(a.k.a. Reginald takes Klaus' dog tags and the aftermath.)

☁︎ we didn't choose this life, we're just (kind of) living it [Series] by noodlerdoodler { T / Partially WIP }

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Five couldn’t move, standing by and watching complacently, as his younger brother grabbed him roughly by the front of his sweater. It was like he was watching a play he wasn't apart of, yet that was definitely his small body being tossed over the balcony. No doubt, Luther thought that he would just jump out of the way. He'd always jumped out of the way, sometimes without even meaning to, but now visions of a world on fire flashed through his head as his body plummeted towards the ground. Seemingly, he was tumbling through the air in slow motion and absentmindedly, Five wondered if this was his life flashing before his eyes. All he saw was the desolate world he’d left behind weeks ago.

When Five hit the ground, it was with a sickening cracking noise.

“Oh my god, Luther, what have you done?”

☁︎ with two arms by karcheri { T }

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What it comes down to, really, is that Five had been too eager for results. Once it became clear to him that there was a connection between his powers and his energy level the obvious course of action, as he saw it, was to test this information. The hypothesis was this: higher energy levels = stronger powers and the easiest way to get more energy is to eat more. Pretty simple stuff. Too simple.

or Five times that Five starves himself and one time that he gets called out on it.

☁︎ you from yesterday by questors (sieges) { T }

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The difference between who his siblings once were and who they are now.