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lionhanie · 10 months ago

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moving to busan (kim leehan)

where you move to a new city and fall in love with a boy on the beach

surfer!leehan x gn!reader (non-idol au)

this work is my contribution to @onedoornet 's summer event! ^_^ check it out here!!! ♡

word count: 5.5k

genre + warnings: fluff!!! maybe a tad of angst o_O, written in all lowercase!, mentions of depression + feelings of unbelonging (??), leehan is referred to by his real name (donghyun), ft. side characters taesan and woonhak

a/n: me when i had to watch surfing videos to write this LMAO sorry if its inaccurate…….. i can't even swim! LOLLLL. i def channeled some of my own feelings into this, so it was rlly fun to write. i'd even go as far to say this is my Most Favorite piece yet :,)

reblogs ↺ + feedback always appreciated!

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you didn’t know what home felt like. which felt odd to say, given that you were extremely fortunate to grow up the way that you did– a roof above your head, food on the dinner table, and a family to share it with. the older you got, the more it felt like you needed to leave. there wasn’t anything inherently wrong with your life; sure, you had your fair share of rough patches here and there, but it was never anything too severe. despite that, you felt suffocated. it was hard to wake up in the same bed you’ve used for lord knows how long, going outside to walk the same paths you’ve walked on thousands of times, all to see the same faces everyday. this was all you knew.

moving to busan was something you never expected yourself to do. the decision was made more on a whim than anything else; immediately upon graduating, you decided to pack your bags and move to a new city, feeling like a stranger wandering alone in the foreign streets. there wasn’t much to pack, anyways. you were committed to truly leaving everything behind and starting fresh, bringing only one suitcase and a backpack for your essentials.

you grew up in a smaller town, about five hours away from where you were now. there, you were used to the quaint homes belonging to the families you'd grown up with. the kind crossing guard by the middle school you used to attend still worked there years after you graduated, now bearing wrinkles by her eyes, but still possessing the same sweet smile she would always give you while helping you cross the street. everything you needed was a quick bike ride away. the area was quiet, comfortable, familiar. and yet, you left.

you’d gotten to a point where you grew sick of the familiarity. to live life in one place forever scared you. it was best described as a fear of being stuck– like a stagnant body of water, peacefully undisturbed but painfully boring, to say the least. a fear of missing out on all the things you could be doing if you just lived somewhere else. anywhere more exciting than the town you knew like the back of your hand. you yearned for something else, something different.

moving to busan meant doing things you never got the chance to do back at home. growing up, you quickly realized that being in a small town meant that you couldn’t do the same things that kids in bigger cities could do. all you had were necessities– a supermarket, doctor’s office, run-of-the-mill shops lining a dirt road in the core of the area. it was enough, sure, but you were hungry for more. on the other hand, busan was full of unique experiences waiting for you. some being as simple as trying new cuisines at restaurants you’d only dreamt of seeing in your hometown, or attending various local festivals held in the area for tourists and residents alike.

it was crazy to think that life could be so different, even a few hours away from your childhood home. to most, giving up everything you once knew is a terrifying thought. to you, it was a wish you made to yourself when you blew out the candles on your birthday cake. you marveled at the way it’s been nearly two months since you first settled in and there’s still an endless list of things you’ve yet to try! it felt more like a dream, than anything. life has never been so bright– especially after years of feeling dull in a town you now dreaded returning to.

moving to busan meant finally meeting new people. it was a breath of fresh air, really. the apartment complex you lived in was on the corner of a busy area, giving you access to a wide range of personalities each time you stepped out the building. you were lucky enough to get a part-time job at a newly opened cafe a couple blocks away, where you quickly became friends with your coworkers: taesan (who didn’t like coffee in the first place) and woonhak (who spent more time talking to the customers than actually making drinks).

you would’ve been content if those were the only two people you managed to befriend in the big city. they were full of life– a never ending source of laughter and stories from their respective hometowns, making your shifts go by significantly faster when you were scheduled together, much to your disappointment.

this is exactly what you had in mind the first time you thought about leaving. it was exhilarating. being someone completely new to the area meant that you could be whatever you wanted to be. there were no expectations from those around you; nobody knew who you were prior to moving. it was a freedom you feared you would never experience if you stayed back home– the smallest changes in your appearance would be the talk of the town, especially with the way history ran deep between the residents. in busan, it was a relief to be a stranger.

moving to busan meant being by the water every chance you could get. you’re glad you moved right around the time spring started. the weather was perfect; just warm enough, not too hot. in your free time, you find yourself walking along the shore. it was only a short distance from your apartment, being only a fifteen-minute walk away from the sea. as a kid, you’d only visited it once. to you, the water was so terrifyingly beautiful. one would think they know what it has to offer on its surface, but the truths lie deeper than one could ever imagine. the very bottom of the sea could hold the most precious treasure in the world or the most dangerous creatures unbeknownst to man– the possibilities were endless. it’s a shame that you didn’t get to indulge in your interest more when you were younger, but you weren’t complaining now that the beach was practically in your backyard.

sometimes you find yourself alone, sitting in the sand on an old blanket of yours. it’s normally right around dinner time, where most people have left the beach and the sun begins to fall from the sky. you could sit there for hours, listening to nothing but the waves crashing against the sand while you wait for the mix of colors from the sunset to paint the sky. you try to find a new place to relax every time you come to the water. much like how you felt about your hometown, it didn’t feel right to return to the same spot each time.

on one of your routine visits to the beach, you met a boy, whose story felt oddly familiar to you. much like your own upbringing, he’s been in the same place his whole life. this is where your timelines falter– it’s clear he has zero intentions of leaving the city he grew up in. to him, this is the only definition of home he could imagine. you were almost jealous. you yearned to know what it meant to truly enjoy being in the same place for so long. maybe it was commitment issues, or maybe it was just a never-ending desire to know more– to experience everything life had to offer. for donghyun, he seemed just fine being here forever.

the first time you saw him was by chance. today, you decided to go see the water after work. it was rare you worked the mid-shift, which coincidentally ended around the time you would normally find yourself sitting in the sand. “are you doing anything after work today, Y/N?” taesan asks, watching you take off your apron and fold it neatly before placing it into your bag.

“i think i'll go to the beach today.” you smile at the thought, having quickly found comfort in the location.

“wow, i'm jealous,” woonhak pouts at you from behind the register. “can’t believe you’re leaving taesan and i to close all by ourselves today!”

you playfully roll your eyes at the boy. “you should blame our boss, not me. if we’re all off one day, i promise we’ll all go together!” your coworkers wave goodbye to you as you walk out of the front entrance, happy to see that it was still somewhat bright outside. you normally left long after the sun had set, when most of the neighboring stores were closing as well.

the walk there was always pleasant. you liked exploring different routes, seeking out all possible ways to get to the same destination. it’s hard to keep the excitement bubbling within you contained when the vast expanse of sand first comes into view. there were still groups of people scattered across the area, but because it wasn’t exactly “beach season” yet, it wasn’t too populated. you hadn’t brought your usual blanket with you; coming here was a spontaneous decision. instead, you decided to lay out your apron close enough to the water to smell the salty air but just out of reach of the waves rippling against the shoreline.

you plant yourself onto your makeshift beach towel, the sand feeling soft below you, still warm from the sun’s touch. looking into the distance, you’re entranced by the movements of the sea. it was healing, the rhythmic push-and-pull of the waves leaving a white foam in its path, bubbling and full of life. the calls of seagulls from above you, soaring around peacefully.

you wish you knew what it could feel like to fly like that, to feel the air beneath your wings. complete freedom. a small figure comes into your view, pulling your gaze away from the birds. someone’s surfing? it’s a little cold to be doing that right now. even so, the boy didn’t seem to mind. standing on the surfboard, his face was filled with pure joy as he rode the water beneath him. the closer he got, you were able to hear his fun-filled cheers more clearly. complete freedom.

he was awfully good at what he was doing, unphased even if the tide seemed to pick up a bit more than expected. right now, the stranger looked completely in tune with the water; as if they were one and the same. his movements were graceful, despite how difficult it must be to keep balance.

the wave soon dies down, crashing against the sand as it always does. your eyes observe the way he laughs to no one but himself as he walks through the shallow parts of the water. drops of water fall from his hair as he shakes his head, board held securely beneath his arm. the wetsuit is tight against his skin; his figure is lean and toned, presumably from all the surfing he does.

he’s not too far away from you now, catching his breath as he sits in the sand parallel to you. the surfboard sits idly against the sand as he looks out into the horizon, seeking his next adventure. it’s not long before he gets up and approaches the water once more, sensing a big one coming up. you didn’t know much about how this worked, having only seen it in movies or tv shows, never in-person like this.

the man lays stomach-down onto his board, determined as he paddles deeper into the unknown. he’s dismissive of the smaller ripples against him, not nearly powerful enough to get a good ride. it’s impressive how he seems to control the water, rather than the other way around. it’s clear that he loves what he’s doing. you decide you love it too, completely mesmerized by the way he maneuvers through the tide. he disappears briefly as a larger wave washes over him, but he’s quick to rise above it, emerging on the other side and pushing further into the sea. you watch as the water begins to crest close to him. this is the one.

if you weren’t paying enough attention, you would’ve missed the way the stranger effortlessly springs to his feet, knees bent slightly when he first mounts the board. he shuffles slightly, adjusting his stance for better balance. almost in tune with the water, he skillfully navigates the wave, letting the water bring him back to the shore once more.

the sun was behind him now, a beautiful arrangement of pinks and oranges flooding the sky, making the picture perfect. you almost couldn’t believe you had the pleasure of seeing it in real time, the whole scene looking like a frame out of a movie. there it was again, an expression of bliss as he enjoys the ride, arms stretched out in the air by his sides as the board is pushed back to the shore once more. even when he falls off the board as the momentum slows down, the grin on his face never dies.

despite your attentiveness, you don’t comprehend the way the handsome man was heading your way, being led by the tide. much like before, he’s chuckling to himself as the high from the ride slowly dies down. his hand runs through his damp locks after wiping the salty water from his face. now, he’s walking directly towards you, eyes shaped like crescents with the way he was cheesing so hard. your heartbeat speeds up. you turn around, finding that there was no one else around. his smile is reserved for you.

the board is held close to his body as he leaves the water, his footsteps leaving indents in the damp sand behind him as he settles a couple feet away from you. there’s a soft plop as he drops the surfboard on the ground, taking a seat next to it.

“do you want to try?” his eyes flick over towards the water before they’re back on you.

“huh?” you’re baffled at the way you were observing him from afar only a couple minutes prior, and now he’s striking up a conversation.

“you’ve been watching me for a while, no?” he tilts his head, lips curling into a small smile. his accent is thick, more obvious than some of the others you’ve heard in your short time there. he must be from around here.

“was i that obvious?” you joke, playing with a handful of sand by your feet.

the stranger laughs in response. “there’s barely anyone else here right now, at least around this time of year. you think i wouldn’t feel a set of pretty eyes on me while i surfed?” your cheeks heat up at the comment, feeling a bit flustered at the sudden praise. he’s properly facing you now, hand outstretched in your direction. “nice to meet you, not-so-secret admirer. my name is kim donghyun.”

his hand is still wet, drops of water touching your own as you reach out to shake it. “i’m L/N Y/N. it’s nice to meet you too, donghyun.”

“is that an apron you’re sitting on?” he points out, moving to fiddle with one of its strings resting in the sand.

“pfft, yeah. forgot to bring my blanket today.” you explain, laughing at your forgetfulness. “i just got off work.”

“you come here often, then?” his hair was completely soaked still, droplets falling from it and landing beside him.

“i guess you could say that. i only moved here a couple weeks ago.”

“you picked the perfect city. i love it here.” the sun was almost completely out of view now, having slowly disappeared into the horizon. it was beautiful out. you breathe in the salty air as you watch the stray clouds floating by.

“yeah, i think so too. busan has been treating me well.”

“god, i’m starving,” he gets up abruptly, brushing his hands together to remove the sand clinging to them. you expect him to pick up his board and walk off, turning him into nothing more than an oddly-sweet beach interaction. “i know a good gukbap place nearby. coming with?” he extends a hand out to you again, waiting for you to accept his invitation. why not?

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moving to busan meant enjoying summer for the first time in years. as a kid, you used to dread this time of year. most of your friends looked forward to school finally ending, but to you, this just meant you truly had nothing to do with your spare time. your days were spent walking down the worn down paths listening to music, or sitting in your backyard reading one of the many books in your collection. this was the closest thing you had to “escaping” from your reality.

now, you had an entire city to explore. you were eager, but you wanted to take your time doing so. the last thing you would want is to get tired of busan, even if you arrived just a couple months ago. you didn’t see your excitement wearing down any time soon.

“there’s my favorite barista!” donghyun’s smiling at you in front of the register, where you’d been standing for the past couple hours. once you told him you were working at one of the local cafes, he quickly became a regular (only when you were on schedule, of course).

“you’re not getting anything today?” he shakes his head no, making you chuckle. he actually never bought anything when he was there, rather showing up just to talk to you in your free time. you tap a few buttons on the screen, starting your thirty minute break and walking out to the main floor of the shop, the surfer following closely behind.

“do you want to go to the beach with me later?” donghyun rests his head against his hand as he looks at you from across the table. “i’m going surfing again.” it’s sweet the way his eyes sparkle when he talks about his beloved hobby.

“wow, i would’ve never guessed!” you respond sarcastically, earning a giggle from him as he shrugs. “i’m closing today though. guess you won’t have an audience today.”

he pouts back at you, sniffling as he wipes away non-existent tears. “who else am i going to show off to then?” ever since the day you met, you found yourself seeing donghyun more often than you initially expected. you thought that he’d just be a friend you’d find in the waters every so often. not that it was an issue, no– rather, you found yourself perking up every time he walked through the doors. it’s something woonhak quickly picked up on when working with you, often nudging you with his elbow suggestively every time donghyun showed up.

“i’m off tomorrow, though.” you’re looking at your shifts on your phone. “if you’re free, maybe we can-”

“yes.” he answers immediately, catching you off guard.

“you’re not going to let me finish my sentences now?” you can’t hold back the grin on your face at how forward he was. “what if i asked you to go fishing in the middle of the night or something?”

“...i’d still say yes. that sounds fun, actually. we could totally do that if you want to!” every word that came out his mouth was so incredibly endearing, even if he wasn’t trying.

…and that’s how you found yourself next to him at midnight, only a couple hours after you got off work, sitting in two fold-up beach chairs on the dock. “i’d question why you have all this fishing gear, but i should’ve expected as much from you, donghyun.”

“hey, isn’t this nice though? there’s no one else here at this time.” he looks proud as he rests the fishing rod on the wooden guard rail, line casted in the water. “isn’t it kind of romantic?”

your cheeks heat up at his implications. if it weren’t for the warm lantern placed between you two, he would’ve missed the blush on your face. “i was joking when i said we should do this, you know.”

“oh, was it? i was serious, though.” you can tell he’s telling the truth with the way he looks at you with a serious gaze.

“yeah, i know that now.” you didn’t mind being dragged around to his odd antics. weird, yeah, but you can’t deny the fact that you enjoyed every second of his company. he enjoyed yours as well. “i find it funny to think you find this to be romantic.”

“why wouldn’t i? you’re here with me, after all.” with that, you realize that you see donghyun as more than just a boy you met on the beach.

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moving to busan meant having someone to walk with once the autumn leaves started coming in. it was always nice to see the trees begin to change color, but you always wondered what it would be like to see the transition on a bigger scale– and busan gave you the perfect chance to do just that. now that you finally got to experience the fall wonder somewhere new, you weren’t sure if you could ever go back to the life you once lived.

days like this were common, where you’d walk through the streets that donghyun grew up in. usually it was just you two, but today, he suggested you come with him as he walked his dog. naturally, you accept; it was hard to deny a cute boy with an equally cute dog in his arms. you hold onto the leash, smiling at the way koni would stop every couple minutes to sniff something on the ground.

as you walk a bit further, you stumble across a large crowd of people surrounding various street vendors, curiosity piqued within you. “ah, is it already time for the jagalchi festival? how could i forget!” donghyun marvels at his poor memory, he hadn’t realized it’s already been seven months since you entered his life. time seemed to go by quicker with you by his side.

“festival? this happens every year?” your steps slow down, koni gently tugging on the leash to keep walking towards the bustling area.

“yeah, it’s basically like a huge fish market that runs for a couple days. tons of people come from around the country to see it, actually. the local fishermen show off all the catches from the season, so you know it’s the freshest you can get… and there’s performances too! you have to see it now that you’re a busan resident!”

donghyun takes your hand in his, leading you towards the festival. banners were put up all over the area, welcoming in visitors from near and far into the heart of busan. colorful lanterns adorned the sides of each vendor’s stall, enveloping the area in a comfortable glow. there were people of all ages in attendance, smiling and laughing amongst each other as they explored everything the market had to offer– this was something you would’ve never experienced back at home.

the two of you come to a stop at one of the less crowded sellers. its owner, a kind looking old man, was standing proud at the buckets of fish laid out on the ground in front of him. “should we raise a fish together?”

“donghyun, these fish are dead.”

he rolls his eyes at you playfully. “duh, i know that. i mean like, going to the store and getting a new friend for my tank at home.”

“wouldn’t that just mean you’re raising it on your own? i don’t have any space for a fish tank at my place.” you think back to your apartment, which now felt like a space you could truly call your own. you were proud to think that you finally felt like you were where you belonged, even if you’ve only been here for a short time.

“that’s fine! what matters to me is that we bought it together! obviously i’d give you visiting rights to our child.” how could you reject him when his eyes light up at the mention of getting a pet with you?

“woah, our child? we must be serious now.” your comment is nothing more than a joke, but he’s silent as he thinks about what he wants to say. he gives the hand he’s holding a slight squeeze.

“can i be your boyfriend, Y/N?”

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moving to busan meant finding a new type of warmth amidst the cold winter. back at home, winters felt especially difficult. you were prone to the adverse effects of seasonal depression when this time of year came around. the days weren’t as long, sun setting much earlier than it did in the summer, leaving you with nothing but darkness. just getting out of bed felt like a hassle– there was nothing to look forward to in such a boring town. everything was just… so bland. you were in a constant state of irritation, the smallest things ticking you off and leaving you frustration for no specific reason.

this winter, you found it hard to believe those old feelings haven’t come back yet. not when you had someone like donghyun at your side. if you found it hard to get out of bed, he’d be there to drag you out with him, humming to himself as you made breakfast together in your tiny kitchen. if you felt like crying, he’d be waiting next to you, box of tissues in hand as he wiped away your tears.

winter usually felt like being dragged deeper into the ocean, unable to swim– but now, donghyun was there to bring you back to the surface, safe and sound. each day spent with him felt like healing; as if nothing bad could ever happen to you knowing that there was someone who looked at you with nothing but love in his eyes.

“do you ever miss your hometown, Y/N?” you were laying in your boyfriend’s arms in his childhood bedroom. his prized fish tank sat on his dresser, where the fish you bought together swam happily amongst its friends. there were photos of him as a kid framed on his walls– him at his middle school graduation smiling proudly between his parents, him holding koni as a puppy, him crying beside his older sister on the playground– each one giving you a glimpse of the life he lived before he met you. “i can’t imagine throwing everything away and leaving like you did.”

“well, it sounds bad when you say it like that. i don’t think i was happy there, though.” donghyun knew he wanted nothing more than to give you a home you felt comfortable going back to. a place where you could feel true happiness in. he’s mindlessly running his hands through your hair from behind you as he listens. “i can’t say i miss it just yet. maybe i’ll visit sometime soon, just not now.”

“does that mean you’re happy here? in busan, i mean.”

“yeah, i’m happy,” you take a moment to reflect on the way your life completely changed upon leaving the town you once knew; how a stranger on the beach brought color into your colorless world. sunsets spent eating ice cream on a hot day at the beach, meals shared at his favorite local restaurants, and nights much like this one, being embraced by the man you love, as you talk until the sun rises. “i knew things would be better somewhere else, but i’d never imagine meeting someone like you so soon. you make me feel like i should look at things a little differently at home.”

“if you ever decide to go back there, can i come with you?” he rests his head on your shoulder, cheek touching yours.

“hm? i mean, if you want to. there’s not much to see there. i don’t think you’d have as much fun there as you do here.” you offer, thinking about how disappointed he’d be upon seeing that there truly was nothing to do there compared to busan.

“i want to see it. i don’t care if you think it’s boring,” he’s sincere with his words, you can tell he means everything he’s saying when it comes to you. “we can rewrite all your bad memories together. it makes me sad to think you look back at the town you grew up in without fondness.”

“it’s going to be at least a year until i want to see that place again,” you grab his hand, large fingers enveloping yours. “but i’d like that a lot, donghyun.”

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and by the time spring rolls around once more, and it’s finally been one year since you moved to busan, you think you finally understand what it means to feel at home. you never got the chance to visit the temples last year, just barely missing cherry blossom season when you first unloaded your boxes in your empty apartment. from then, you promised yourself you’d save it for the best time of year, when the blossoms were in full bloom, baby pink petals on display and falling along with the occasional breeze.

you’ve never known what it felt like to be loved wholeheartedly, but you’re certain this is it, as you walk hand in hand with donghyun through a path of cherry blossom trees. with him, you found that every day felt like a scene out of a drama. exiting through the temple’s entrance, you return back to the streets you were now familiar with. there’s a small creamery hidden between a restaurant and convenience store, and you find yourself sitting at a table outside, ice cream slowly melting in their cups in front of you.

“i wish i was cooler when i asked to be your boyfriend. i think about that a lot,” donghyun plays with your fingers across the table before intertwining them with his own. “in all honesty, i was thinking about it for a long time before that day.”

“really?” this was news to you. you knew you had more than platonic feelings for donghyun that night at the dock, but you were surprised to hear he felt the same way as early as you did. it warmed your heart to think he fell in love as quickly as he did.

“yeah. i wanted to do something cool, like surprising you at work with a big bouquet of flowers, or making you your favorite food and hiding a note in it. just anything more interesting than popping the question at a damn fish stall.”

you burst out laughing at the thought of finding a piece of paper in your meal. “it was perfect to me, though. i’m more shocked at the fact you saw me like that for so long, donghyun.” you feel shy suddenly, reminiscing on the way your heart would speed up everytime he walked into the cafe, or when he would walk you back to your apartment after spending the day in the water together.

“i knew you’d be someone important to me the day i noticed you watching me on the beach. i don’t know why, though. maybe it’s just because people don’t really bat an eye when they see me surfing.”

“it was hard not to. i’ve never seen anyone so carefree. i guess i was just jealous of the fact that someone could look like that.” you can’t believe it’s already been a year since you first saw him on the beach. it was almost as if the sea brought the two of you together when the wave he was riding pushed him straight to you.

“i think you look like that when you’re with me,” donghyun’s smiling at his realization. “when i’m with you, it feels like i’m riding a wave that never dies. i’d give up surfing if it meant i could have you by my side forever.” the confession shocks you, knowing how much he loved spending hours at the beach every day, chasing the high he got when he was on his surfboard. you wanted to cry; to think that someone would let go of something that meant the world to them just for you. donghyun thinks he could cry too– to think that he had found you, a person who changed his world in a matter of months, by a stroke of fate.

to donghyun, you moving to busan meant making you a part of his definition of “home”.

taglist: @onedoornet @minwrlds @dongminz (my OG beta readers BTW. <3) @serejae @loserlvrss

@arafilez @nicholasluvbot @0310s @gluion @blumisiu

@woorcve @brachioswrld

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roosterforme · 2 years ago

Text

Batting Practice Part 26 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: In the aftermath of the proposal, Bradley wants to make sure all three of you are on the same page. And as happy as you are, you're still having a hard time deciding how to best merge your past with your future.

Warnings: Fluff, smut, angst and swearing

Length: 4800 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female single!mom Reader

Check my masterlist for more Top Gun fun! Batting Practice masterlist.

Bradley held you in the grass for a long time while you clutched that baseball in your hand. He couldn't remember another time he felt so calm as Everett ran around in the grass tossing a ball up in the air and catching it.

"Will you move in now?" you asked, setting your heart covered baseball in the grass and running your fingers along Bradley's mustache and stubble. "Ev and I both really want you to."

"Yeah, Kitten. I'll move in," he promised. "Right after the three of us have a conversation about expectations, okay? It's really important to me that we're all on the same page."

"Oh my god," you groaned, crawling up his body to get better access to his lips. "How are you this perfect?"

"I just needed to get my priorities straight," he said between kisses. "I never meant to hurt you like I did before, you know that, right? I just never in a million years thought that I'd meet anyone like you and Ev and fall in love so hard."

You just whimpered and snuggled up on him again. But once Everett started bugging to play baseball again, you pulled Bradley to his feet. This time Bradley put on the catcher's gear and let Everett pitch to you, which was honestly pretty funny.

"Am I good enough to play on the rec league, too?" you asked as you missed another pitch.

"No," Bradley and Everett replied in unison as you laughed.

"But that's okay, Mommy! Bradley loves you anyway even though you aren't that good at baseball."

"That's true," Bradley replied, removing the mask when they were done playing. "Being good at baseball was not a prerequisite. She just needed to understand and appreciate our love of the Phillies," he added, giving Everett a high five.

"Can we come to your game?" Everett asked, eyes wide as Bradley scooped him up along with his gear bag. You carried the bucket of balls back to the Bronco with your special ball right on the top of the pile.

"Kiddo, you can come to as many games as you want. And later today or tomorrow, we can talk about me moving into your house, okay?"

"Okay!"

"But I'm not going to stay in the extra bedroom," he said seriously. "So we can talk about that too." He wanted Everett to understand that he wasn't going anywhere, and that he was going to marry you as soon as he could. As soon as you wanted to.

Once he got Everett buckled in, he helped you load everything into the back. You had some grass stains on your shirt, and your clothes were all rumpled, and Bradley was so in love with all of it.

"Come here," he whispered with a smile as you slipped into his arms right where you belonged. "Can we get married tomorrow?" You laughed and he buried his face against your neck. "Please, Kitten? I'm dying for it now!"

"Bradley, we've been engaged for an hour."

"That's a pretty long time," he replied, enjoying the feel of your hips in his hands.

"We can talk about this later." You giggled and kissed him until Everett started whining that he was starving for lunch.

---------------------------

The Independence Day party at Maverick's hangar was in full swing by the time the three of you arrived in the Bronco. There was almost nowhere to park, but Bradley found a spot next to Bob's truck.

"Bob came?" you asked, eyeing his truck. "I think Molly's working today. Something about double overtime."

"I don't know why she didn't just take the day off," Bradley mused, killing the engine. "Does she really need the extra pay? It's not like Bob isn't her glorified sugar daddy now."

"What's a sugar daddy?" Everett asked from the backseat.

You glared at Bradley and muttered, "Yeah, Bradley. Try explaining that one to a seven year old."

He had the decency to look a little concerned before turning back to look at your son. "Uh... I think that Bob bought a lot of candy for your Aunt Molly."

"Ohhh," Everett replied. "Yeah, that makes sense, because she likes snacks. Do you think he'd buy some for me, too?"

Bradley cleared his throat and nodded slowly. "I think so. Just as long as you don't call him a sugar daddy," he muttered.

"Ev, why don't you go say hi to Bob and Natasha," you said, pointing out the window. "I see them right there. But don't tell anyone about the baseball ring yet, okay?"

"Okay!" Ev called, and then you and Bradley were alone in the front seat, and you started laughing.

"Really? A sugar daddy?" you asked.

"I'm sorry, Kitten! I'm still new to all this dad stuff."

Your lips parted in a soft smile as you unbuckled your seatbelt and crawled toward your fiance. "But you're already really good at it," you told him when he welcomed you onto his lap. "It's like you were tailor-made for us."

You kissed along Bradley's neck and he pulled you snug against him. "The two of you are perfect for me," he grunted, watching the sunlight catch your diamond ring. "Let's get married soon?"

"Okay," you agreed, your lips teasing his ear.

"Did Danny ever give you a ring?" he asked, unable to help himself.

"No. And I should have never married him. He obviously didn't want to but felt obligated to."

"I hate that guy," Bradley growled. "I'll be so much better."

"You already are," you promised him. "But would you mind if we don't tell anyone we're engaged yet?" you asked, and Bradley pulled away from you. He watched you remove your ring and reach for the glovebox.

"Why not?" he asked, clearly upset as you put the ring inside and closed it.

You quickly placed a dozen little kisses at the corner of his mouth. "I want to tell Molly first. That's all."

"Oh," he replied, nodding as he rubbed his hands along your legs. "Sure, Kitten. We can tell Molly first."

You liked how he said we, like you were all part of a team now.

"I love you, Coach," you whispered, kissing him before you hopped down out of the driver's door and into the hot sunlight. Bradley jumped down behind you with his hand at your back, and he led you toward Everett.

"Mommy! Can we get changed and go play in the splash pad? Please?" he begged just as Nat strolled up and gave Bradley a kiss on the cheek.

"I'll take him over," she said. "I've already got my bathing suit on, and Mav set up some changing stalls."

"Thanks, Nat," you replied, handing Everett his swim bag.

"Kitten," Bradley groaned, wrapping his arms around you. "It's killing me not to tell her we're engaged."

You giggled and tucked your hand up inside his shirt. "You can tell her tomorrow, okay? Just let me tell Molly first."

Bradley just melted into your touch. He had his hands all over you the rest of the day as you ate burgers and chatted with everyone. He even ducked inside the tiny changing tent with you, kissing you all over as you tried to put on your leopard print bathing suit.

"I haven't seen this since the tee ball swim party," he groaned, slipping his index and middle fingers underneath the strap at your shoulder and pulling you closer. "I love it when you dress up like a kitten for me."

You bit your lip. "I did wear this to the pool party just so you'd notice it."

"Mmm," he hummed, letting his fingers stroke your nipple through the fabric. "Oh... I noticed it, Baby."

You let his hands slip lower to your hips. "And now, after you move in, I can dress up for you all the time."

"Fuck," he groaned, his lips finding the pulse point in your neck and sucking gently. "Please, let's get married next week."

You laughed softly and shook your head. "We'll talk about it later, Coach. You need to get changed so we can go splash with Ev." Then you brushed his erection softly with your hand before ducking outside.

When you walked away, you heard him cursing softly, and the smile on your face felt like it was stuck there permanently. You were getting married. A second time. To Bradley. A man who loved your son every bit as much as he loved you. And he wasn't afraid to show it or talk about it. He wasn't afraid to let you know what you meant to him. You had never experienced anything like this before.

"Mommy!" Ev called out, soaking wet and holding up two water balloons.

"Don't you dare!" you told him, but he just held one out to you.

"Let's get Bradley," he whispered, looking past you. When you turned, you saw him heading your way in his swim trunks, pushing his aviators up on his nose.

You nodded at Everett. "Absolutely." And then you watched as your balloon managed to hit Bradley in the shoulder right after Everett's hit him square in the chest.

Bradley looked up in shock. "Oh, it's on," he growled, and you tried to hide behind Everett as Bradley stormed closer with a playfully angry look on his face.

"We need more balloons!" Everett screamed, pulling you toward a large bucket filled with them. Then the two of you launched dozens of water balloons at Bradley. Everett's accuracy was a lot better than yours, and Bradley pretended he was getting more and more wounded with each balloon he took to his body.

"You're too good!" he gasped at Everett, dropping to his knees on the splash pad while Everett laughed. Then he ran over and tackled Bradley with a big hug. You could hear Bradley tell him, "Hey, your pitches are looking great, kiddo," while Everett hugged him around the neck. "So proud of you."

"Thanks, Coach," Everett replied, and Bradley kissed him on the top of his head before scooping him up and standing.

"But I don't know if I can trust the two of you now," Bradley said, squeezing your butt as he walked toward the sprinkler. "Some family you turned out to be. Getting me soaked before I was ready." He walked into the spray of water, and you listened to Everett scream with laughter as Bradley got both of them even more soaked.

Then Nat and Bob joined in, and you wished Molly was here. Because you had to be the one to remind Bob to put on more sunblock in her absence. And you didn't want to text her a picture of your ring, you wanted to tell her in person about it. You wanted her to see it and be excited for you.

If she had the day off tomorrow, you'd try to stop by after work and tell her. But for now you'd just enjoy the rest of the first day of your engagement. You ran toward the sprinkler and wrapped your arms around Bradley.

----------------------------

"That's a familiar sight," Maverick said as the sun was dipping lower in the sky. Bradley gave him a funny look as he held a very sleepy Everett in his arms. "It's just that you look so much like Goose. And Everett looks like he could be your son." The words hit Bradley right in the heart.

"I want him to be," he managed, voice raspy with emotion.

Mav nodded and grinned before looking at the ground. "You picked a good one." Bradley looked where Mav tilted his head and saw you talking to Bob. "Well, both of them."

He held Everett a little tighter as he slept, head on Bradley's shoulder. "Thanks."

Mav patted him on the back as he took Everett to the Bronco where he started to stir. "Where are we going?" he asked in a sleepy little voice that made Bradley smile.

"Home. You can sleep until we get there. Gonna watch fireworks on the back deck and have a snack."

Everett just nodded and then fell back asleep, his head tipped to the side. Bradley buckled him in and waited patiently for you to finish saying goodbye to Bob.

"You think he'll be my brother-in-law someday?" you asked with a laugh as you climbed in next to Bradley and glanced back to check on Everett.

"You know," Bradley said, scratching his chin as he started the engine, "yeah, I do."

"Good," you replied, opening the glove box as Bradley drove down the long drive to the main road and turned toward the sunset. He breathed a sigh of relief as you slid your ring back onto your finger and examined it in the golden light.

"It's so pretty," you whispered, taking Bradley's hand in yours. "Thanks for letting Ev help pick it out."

Bradley scoffed and squeezed your fingers gently. "You think I could have done it without him? Not a chance. I almost texted Molly for final approval."

Your laughter filled the Bronco, and Bradley smiled as he got on the highway toward your house. "She would have ruined the surprise!"

"I figured," he mumbled, kissing your knuckles. "Better to keep it a secret between the boys."

You were quiet for a little while as Bradley drove. Eventually you turned toward him and whispered, "I do think we should get married pretty soon."

"Yes," he agreed. "We're both off on Saturday...."

"Please!" you laughed. "I didn't have a real wedding before. So I'd like to plan something this time. Nothing crazy, but a real wedding would be so nice." Your voice was soft and dreamy.

"Anything you want, Kitten. Anything. I mean it. I'm already getting the things that are most important to me: you and Ev. So whatever and whenever works for me."

When Bradley pulled into your driveway and thought about how he'd be living here soon enough, you unbuckled your seatbelt and climbed into his lap.

"Watch it, Kitten," he whispered as you rubbed yourself against him. "We've got company, Baby."

"I know," you replied softly, kissing his lips. "I just love you so much, and today has been kind of wild, but I want you to know that I can't wait to marry you."

The way your hand slid up to rest over his heart while you kissed him had Bradley ignoring his own caution. He let his lips and mustache trail along your neck as he reached for the button of your shorts.

"Can we go watch fireworks?" Everett asked through a yawn from the backseat. Bradley closed his eyes and sighed, kissing you one more time.

"Yep," he grunted. "It's almost time." Then he carried Everett inside after you unlocked the door. He got both of you settled on the back deck under a blanket, and then he made some popcorn and carried it out just as the first fireworks lit up the sky.

Bradley sat next to Everett who held the bowl of popcorn. "This was a really good day," Everett said, the colors reflecting in his eyes.

"I loved today," you added, turning to look at Bradley as you ate some popcorn.

"Yeah," Bradley said with a deep sigh. "I got to spend it with my family."

-------------------------

Everett was looking a little worse for the wear, snuggled up against Bradley as the fireworks ended.

"Can we all talk for a minute?" Bradley asked when it was just the three of you sitting quietly under the moon glow.

"Okay," you agreed as Everett nodded.

"I just wanted to say," Bradley started before pausing for a beat. "Kiddo, I'm going to move in with you and your mom. If that's okay with you."

"Yeah!" Everett cheered, perking up.

Bradley kissed his forehead. "But I'm not going to move into the extra bedroom, okay? Your mom and I are going to get married, hopefully pretty soon. And I'll move my stuff into her big bedroom."

"Okay," Everertt agreed. "Maybe we can turn the other bedroom into a Phillies room or something."

"Hey, that sounds great," Bradley agreed, laughing as you rolled your eyes.

You ran your fingers along your son's cheek so that he was looking at you. "Ev, Bradley is going to be part of our family. For real."

"I'm not going anywhere, okay?" Bradley asked, and Everett's gaze snapped back to him. "I'll be around all the time. You understand?"

Everett nodded enthusiastically. "Does that mean you'll be my dad soon?"

Bradley met your eyes, and your heart started pounding. His gaze was questioning, but you weren't sure exactly what you wanted to say here. "He'll be your stepdad, Ev."

Everett still looked a little concerned as he wrapped his arms around Bradley's neck. "Can I call you dad?" he asked Bradley, and you felt tears in your eyes. All you wanted was for your son to have everything he deserved. Your mind was filled with thoughts of Danny and child support and Everett's face in tears.

But Bradley held him tight and nodded against his neck. "If you want to. And if it's okay with your mom."

When Everett looked at you, a smile crept along your lips. "Yeah, it's okay with me."

Then you listened to the two of them in quiet conversation before Bradley took Everett inside and carried him up to bed. You followed them up the stairs but went into your bedroom and let them have a few minutes to themselves. You contemplated changing into something cute to wear to bed with your fiance, but you ended up sitting on the bed wiping away your tears instead. And then after a while, Bradley walked in, and you could tell he had been crying as well.

He paused next to the bed and you asked, "Are you okay?"

A nod was all you got right away. Then he rasped, "He called me dad. While I got him ready for bed."

"He loves you."

Bradley looked up at the ceiling. "Listen, I had every intention of walking in here and absolutely ravaging my wife-to-be. I swear. But instead, I think I just want to hold you first."

How could anyone possibly disagree with that? You reached out for his hand and pulled him into bed with you and into your arms. "I love you, Coach."

"Fuck, Kitten," he groaned against your neck as you hugged him. "I didn't think I would end up crying so much the day I got engaged. Actually... I never really thought I'd ever get engaged. Especially not to a mom."

You opened your mouth to say something, but he cut you off with his lips on yours. "But you're right, Kitten. I was tailor-made to be with you. And Everett."

Your fingers tangled in his hair as he kissed all of the words from your lips. You were left softly sighing as he stroked your cheeks with his thumbs, the prickle of his mustache on your skin driving you crazy for him.

"I was going to put on something cute to celebrate with you tonight," you whispered.

"No, no. I love that stuff, you know that. But you're perfect just like this." Bradley kissed you through your grass stained clothing before he started to remove it. "Perfect."

When he took his time like this, it was almost better than when he went wild. Bradley ran his nose along your lace covered breasts, his thumbs grazing your sides, skimming down your ribs. Wordlessly, he moved every bit of your clothing before he pulled his shirt over his head. His skin was hot beneath your hands, and the sound of his heavy breathing filled the space. When his lips met your bare breasts, you whimpered. His big palms were on your hips, holding you in place as you spread your legs wide for him.

His words were too soft, the sound of your whimpering nearly drowning him out as his lips and mustache met the sensitive skin below your belly button.

"Bradley."

His hands left your body, and you heard him work his zipper down. But then his mouth was on your pussy, kissing and licking you as your fingers tangled in his hair. And he would be here every night with you. When he wasn't deployed, he'd be in bed with you, right here, every night.

"Bradley," you whispered again, this time with a little sob. You were going to marry him, and he would always be there with you.

He swiped his tongue slowly up to your clit before kissing you there. "Kitten?"

You pulled him up by his soft hair and wiped away your tears. "I love you." Then his lips were on yours, and you could feel his cock at your entrance. The way your body welcomed every part of him, like you'd been waiting for him, had you wrapping your leg around his waist. He groaned softly against your lips as he sank into you, filling you up. But he didn't move yet. Not for a few minutes. He just stretched you in the most wonderful way while you pulsed around him, and he told you everything he was going to do now that you were engaged.

"I'll move in next weekend, Kitten," he whispered against your neck. "And then I'll start doing your yardwork, because you kind of suck a pulling weeds, Baby."

"Hey," you whined, with a laugh that turned into a moan as he pushed himself deeper inside you.

"I'll pay half the bills. And I'll make breakfast in the mornings. And you can pack my lunch. And I'll play baseball with Ev, because I love him. And then I'll fuck you all night, because I love you."

His words got ragged as he started to thrust. And as soon as he was moving, his rough hairs harsh against your wet clit, you could feel the pressure building inside you. After a few more strokes, you were whining his name, and he was smiling against your lips. Bradley fucked you slow and steady through your orgasm, drawing it out and making your sweat-slick body shiver beneath him. And he went nice and slow until he was grunting and spilling himself inside you.

Your fingers dug into the back of his neck as he kissed you hard. "Please don't make me wait too long to marry you. To be Ev's stepdad for real."

"I won't."

As he panted on top of you, a plan was already forming in your mind. You tried to hold back your grin as you thought about it. Bradley would love it, and so would Ev. If it was even viable. But you'd have Bradley all to yourselves soon enough, and he could help you plan it out.

A little while later, as you were snuggled up with Bradley, nearly asleep, he whispered, "I told Everett I'd take him to the park tomorrow evening. Thanks for sharing your son with me."

You laughed softly, and then you froze up.

"What's wrong?" he asked, stroking up and down your spine with his rough hand.

You propped yourself up to look at him, unsure if you should even say anything.

"Kitten. Did I say something wrong?"

"No," you whispered, shaking your head slightly. "It's just that... I never told you this, but I don't want to have anymore kids, Bradley." You bit down hard on your lip as he studied your face.

He looked a little surprised but not disappointed. "Oh. I mean, I hadn't given it much thought, to be honest. I guess I thought the three of us would be perfect, you know? Happy."

You heaved a sigh of relief and wrapped your arms around him again. "Yeah. The three of us. Happy."

---------------------------

The following day, after work, you put your ring back on and drove to Molly and Bob's condo. Bradley was picking Everett up from summer camp, and you'd have a chance to talk to your sister alone for a few minutes if Bob wasn't back from base yet.

You knocked on their door loudly before using the key they gave you to let yourself inside.

"Come in!" Molly called out, and you found her in the living room, under a blanket, eating chips and watching reality TV. "Hi!"

You laughed and plopped down next to her. She looked tired as you kissed her cheek. "They working you too hard?" you asked, running your hand across her forehead. "Molly, you look exhausted."

She yawned and snuggled into your touch. "I'm so fucking tired. These double shifts are killing me. I thought it would be an easier adjustment to all daylight shifts than this! But they keep asking me to pull extra hours, because we're short staffed."

"That's not good," you whispered with a frown as she yawned again. But she just brushed you off.

"I'll be fine after Bob dicks me down and I get a good night's sleep again tonight for work tomorrow."

"Oh, I didn't really need to know that, but thanks?"

She nodded at you with a serious look in her eyes. "I love him. He's the sweetest man in the world. And he has a big cock. I'll be just fine. Don't worry about me."

As you cleared your throat to try to change the subject, Molly reached for your hand and screamed, "What is that?!" She started pawing at your engagement ring, kicking her blanket to the floor and jumping up. "You're getting married!"

You laughed at your wild eyed sister standing in front of you in a sports bra, boxer shorts and mismatched socks. "I'm getting married!" you confirmed, and she screamed again. "He asked me yesterday."

"Oh my god! Bradley really went all in on the ring, huh?" she asked, pulling it off your finger to examine it. "I mean...damn! He probably thought you'd say no if the ring sucked. Look at the size of this thing!"

"I wouldn't have said no!" you told her, laughing as she pretended to be blinded by the sparkle. "Ev helped him pick it out."

Molly screamed again. "Ev helped?! Okay, Bradley can stay forever, I guess."

The two of you were on the floor laughing and sharing the bag of chips when Bob walked in wearing his khaki uniform.

"Mo, it's uniform time, Honey," he said with a grin, but then he saw you on the floor with some chips halfway to your mouth, and he blushed. "Oh... you're here too... that's great."

"Hey, Bob," you said before shoving the chips in your mouth and standing. "I was actually just leaving, so feel free to have uniform time."

He still looked embarrassed as you patted his cheek. "Oh, um..."

"I just stopped by to tell you both that Bradley and I are getting married. Hopefully pretty soon." You held up your hand, and Bob pulled you in for a hug.

"Ugh," Molly groaned from the floor. "He's going to be my brother-in-law."

"You just told me how happy you were for me!"

"I am," she confirmed. "I just kind of like to pick on him. It's fun. And easy."

You rolled your eyes and hugged Bob tight. "Stay tuned for a wedding date, okay? I just need to make a few phone calls." Then you turned to leave, but Molly followed you after she kissed Bob.

"You can stay for dinner, if you want."

You smiled and put your high heels back on. "Nah, I don't want to interrupt uniform time."

Molly grinned like the devil, but she said, "I ordered some cute shirts for both of us and Ev to wear to the rec league games. But the Bradshaw on the back of yours is going to have a whole new meaning now! Are you going to ditch Danny's last name?"

"God, yes," you groaned. "As long as it's okay with Bradley."

"And what about Ev?"

You puzzled her question in your mind for a moment. You'd been waiting for the child support from Danny to kick in. But you'd probably be waiting a lot longer. He wasn't going to hand it over to you willingly. But you just knew that Everett was going to want a new last name as well, and honestly it made you want to cry.

"I'm not sure," you whispered, forcing a smile and kissing Molly one last time. "Go have fun with Bob. I'll see you soon."

And when you got home, Bradley and Everett were there, eating a pizza they brought back after playing in the park. Bradley jumped up to get a slice ready for you, and you hugged him around his middle while Everett told you about his day.

-------------------------------

Ev called him dad! He's moving in! Thanks to @beyondthesefourwalls and @mak-32

PART 27

Don't forget to check out Bob and Molly in The Curveball!

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stuckymonkey · 2 years ago

Text

Stolen

Mafia Bucky Au

Pairing - mafia!bucky x fem!reader

Summary - y/n lived an ordinary life as a surgical resident in New York. Her father left when she was young, and her mother recently passed away. Bucky was promised by her father to get his firstborn daughter, unfortunately for y/n, that fits her description perfectly. Kind of enemies to lovers.

Warnings - violence, angst, being taken against will/kidnapping, mentions of death, stitches and medical things, mentions of suicide, mild cursing

Word count - 3.5k

a/n - i was feeling some angst, let me know what you think! feedback is always appreciated!

masterlist bucky masterlist

"Clamp" Joe said from across to table to one of the scrub nurses. "Lap pads" I said. We were doing a coronary artery bypass graft on a six year old patient. Five hours in and Lena was doing really well. She had maintained stability the entire time, making recovery look good for her.

I was about to irrigate when the door to the OR burst open. Me and Joe didn't look up, too focused on finishing Lena's cabg, starting to close up her heart with delicate sutures. "Y/n Y/L/N?" a low masculine voice boomed out. My head shot up to meet Joe's eyes, silently asking what to do. Her eyes were almost as wide as mine.

That voice belonged to James Barnes, head of the Brooklyn mafia. They had access to anywhere and everywhere in Brooklyn, no questions asked.

After having a silent conversation, we both opted to go back to Lena's heart. The voice boomed again, this time louder and much closer. "Y/n, scrub out." Joe whispered. I couldn't scrub out. Not now. Not while it was just me and Joe with a few scrub nurses. She couldn't close alone. "No." I kept suturing, almost to the point where we could start to close up entirely. "What?!" her head jerked up "I said no. You can't close on your own. Lena has been my patient for six months. I know everything about her, and her family. I am finishing this surgery with you and I will be there when they see their baby girl for the first time in six hours." I clipped the last suture, ready to close up her chest. "Y/n, I think you should listen to Joe and scrub out."

I suddenly felt cold metal pressed to my temple. "Put the tools down Y/L/N. I'm not afraid to pull this trigger." I heard the click of a bullet sliding into place at the end of his threat. I was shaking with tears running down my cheeks at this point. "I'm sorry," I said to Joe, it was obvious that I was crying. Through blurry eyes, I saw a tear slide down her cheek too.

What was going to happen to Lena? And her family? What would Joe tell them? I stepped back from the table and let Mike, my favourite nurse, help me take off my gown and relieve my trembling hands from my sterile blue gloves.

Even if I wanted to, I couldn't go back to that table. By pressing a gun to my head, James had broken the sterile field. "Well done," James spoke lowly into my ear. I hadn't noticed when, but his hand was wrapped securely around my arm. He led me away from the table, out of the OR and into the hallway where he stood in front of the elevator. The entire time my sobs never ceased and neither did the grip he had on my arm.

He let go before we left the elevator. Outside, many of what were probably his men waited for us. They lined the hallways. I felt like a sheep being herded by big, powerful, scary wolves. Tears were still running down my face as I made eye contact with my Chief of Surgery and Resident Chief. I had grown close with them over the years, and now they were watching me be escorted out of the hospital.

They knew what this meant. I was taken. The mafia had me now. Tears ran down their faces, and the faces of my coworkers who I loved like family. I tried to keep my head up to let them know I would be okay, but I couldn't help the way my shoulder shook from my sobs.

James helped me into a black car. In the front seat was a blonde, with a driver who had dark skin and short hair. I didn't try to hide the fact that I wanted to be anywhere but here. I felt exhausted, more emotionally than mentally.

"Where are we going?" I asked. "Home." James said, adjusting the cuff of his dress shirt. "I hate you, James Barnes." I said, defeat laced in my tone. "Please, call me Bucky." he said. He sounded sad. That bastard. How did he have the nerve to be sad when he is the one who chose to steal me out of my OR. "What are you going to do when I kill myself?" I asked. "You won't kill yourself." the driver spoke up. "Sam-" the blonde said in a nervous and warning tone.

"She won't." he said, looking at the blonde. "You're y/n y/l/n. You're a surgeon." he said, looking at me through the rearview mirror. Everyone's attention was on him as he refocused on the road. "You saved my sister's life, Sarah Wilson. Pancreatic cancer. Four hours after being in your OR she was cancer free. We were told to start planning her funeral. I was signing paperwork to legally adopt my nephews, but you saved her life." he looked into the rearview mirror at me again. "Thank you."

We arrived at "home". During the long ride to the outskirts of Brooklyn, I learned that the blonde's name is Steve. He and Sam were Bucky's seconds in command. Steve helped with the dirty stuff like interrogations, and dealing with orders and shipments of weapons. Sam helped as well but he was also really good at chauffeuring Bucky wherever he needed to go.

There was a very very long gravel driveway leading up to Bucky's huge mansion. It was pretty, I had to admit. Nice dark brick with ivy, a beautiful garden that I bet Steve helped out with, and a peaceful fountain in the center of the drive. I noticed more fountains in the garden area. We had passed tall black iron gates on the way in, giving me an eerie feeling of what the interior of the mansion would be like. Probably dark and scary.

Boy, was I wrong. The inside was beautiful. White marble stairs, golden curtains and natural light everywhere. It felt soft and safe, while still looking professional and wealthy. I was scared to touch anything, it all looked so clean and like everything was in its place.

Bucky dismissed Sam and Steve, leading me up the stairs and to the right of the hall. We walked for quite a bit before he turned into a room. "This is yours. You are to sleep here and I will have all of your stuff here in the next two weeks." He turned to face me, "My office is down the hall to the left, first hall to your right. My room is down the hall to the right, first room on your left hand side. If you need anything, ask me, Sam or Steve. Nobody else lives here but the four of us." he sounded so calm and collected. Did he steal people often?

"I don't live here." I corrected him. The quirk in his eyebrow let me know I shouldn't have spoken. I didn't care. It couldn't get any worse than this. "You do live here. You will not leave this property until you ask me for permission and you have been assigned an escort." "I do not live here! You do not own me, and I am going home. I have to go to work, and I will not stay here." I clenched my jaw, waiting for him to say something.

"Y/n, you live here. Your father promised me his first born daughter just before your mother got pregnant. He was a horrible man, you knew that. Your mother never knew about the deal. You are mine and you will not be leaving. Are we clear?" I hated how the tone of his voice made me clench my thighs together, but I hated even more how he was speaking to me and how he thought he could just keep me here.

"No! I will not stay here! You stole me out of my OR while I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF A SURGERY! An open heart surgery. A poor young girl's life was in my hands, Bucky!!!! You could have killed her!! She was INNOCENT!! I hate you. She could have died. Her parents have been in and out of hospitals with her for six years!! Six years, Bucky! She is six years old and her whole life has been within the walls of hospitals and I had a chance to change that. You could have ruined her life and I hate you." I was so angry, tears were running down my face again. I felt warm and exhausted. The urge to just sleep and hope this was a really really bad dream came over me. "Get out." I spat through my teeth, daring him to challenge my order.

He almost looked pitiful as he left my room and closed the door behind him.

The bed was uncomfortable, and I had none of my own possessions. Bucky had come in later to apologize, which fell on deaf ears. He had thankfully given me one of his shirts and some sweatpants before he went back to his office. The sheets on the bed were scratchy, and his pants were too warm.

At around 2 a.m, after no luck at sleeping, I slipped out of my room and headed towards his office, just like he had directed. I figured he would be there, being a surgeon I know what it's like to stay up late to get work done, especially if you're stressed. Which I assume he was after kidnapping someone.

I opened the door slowly to reveal Bucky. His jacket was discarded and a few of the buttons on his shirt were undone. "What are you doing here?" He asked after looking up at me. I felt his gaze rake over my body, now only clad in his shirt and a pair of my underwear. "I need your help," I said calmly. I was desperate after only a few hours with this man. I felt pathetic.

Bucky's eyebrow quirked, encouraging me to continue. "My dog, Joe is probably watching her. I wouldn't know because you took my phone, but that's what I'm assuming." he looked intrigued, with his head tilted to the side and his hands still instead of typing. "If Joe isn't watching her, she only has enough food and water for one day, unless she drinks out of the toilet bowl, but I don't really want her to do that, not that it isn't clean! But she's a big dog and-" "y/n." His cold voice stopped me right in my tracks. Shit. This is probably where he refuses to help me get my dog.

"Please," my eyes began to water at the thought of her at home, all alone, wondering where I went, and then possibly starving to death without anyone to take care of her. "She's my best friend, and I promise she won't be any trouble, I'll pay for everything, I'll even pay a rent fee or something! I just really need my dog back." I think he could see my lip wobble because that look of pity from earlier came back.

"I used to have a dog," his voice surprised me just as much as his words. I looked up at him inquisitively, "She was a Great Dane named Nala. I get it. I'll arrange to pick her up tomorrow, and some of your things later in the week." "Thank you." I whispered before turning to leave his office.

"What's her name?" I heard just before I reached the door. "Hazel," I smiled at the memory of her. "She's an Irish wolf hound." I said sheepishly. at my confession, he smiled. "Goodnight y/n." "Goodnight Bucky."

It's been a week since we got Hazel, and Bucky has seemed kinder and kinder every day. It was probably just because Hazel was such a good dog, but a part of me hoped I helped to make him happier too. When I brought it up to Steve and Sam they had both agreed it wasn't just my dog.

Another night rolled around and I still didn't have anything else of my own. I had been sharing clothes with all three of the men, including underwear. The night was the worst time for me, always leaving me frustrated at my inability to get comfortable enough to sleep. Hazel had no problems, sleeping soundly at the foot of my bed just like she would at home. Or my old house? Was this place really my home?

At 1 a.m, when I hadn't heard any movement in a while I snuck out to Bucky's bedroom where I knew he wouldn't be. He was still in his office working, I knew because I hadn't heard him walk to his room, something he doesn't usually do until at least 3 a.m. Hazel had decided to follow me, making this a bit harder to get away with when being followed by a huge Irish wolfhound.

Slowly, I opened the door to his bedroom. It was gorgeous. He had an abundance of pillows, a soft blanket at the end of his bed and thick creamy coloured duvet. Dark wood furniture decorated the room, complemented by dark curtains and hunter green walls. The place was gorgeous and very well decorated. I moved closer to his bed and found an extra soft blanket under the duvet. I slid it out and draped it over Hazel's back so my hands could hold other stuff. I grabbed a body length grey pillow, deciding he wouldn't miss it for one night.

Before he came to his room, we scurried back to my bed as quietly as possible, Hazel not dropping the blanket once.

"That's the best she's slept in weeks, boss." I could hear voices outside of my bedroom. Steve. The curtains were closed, so it was still nice and dark in my room, then another voice spoke, "Really? She hasn't been sleeping well this whole time?". Bucky. "No, she tosses and turns all night. Honestly, I would too if I didn't have anything of my own.". Sam. "She likes your pillow though." Steve commented.

I didn't want to get up yet but I didn't want to be watched either. I slowly opened my eyes and lifted my head to see the three men in my doorway. Steve and Sam smiled before walking away with waves directed at me. I waved back before focusing my gaze on Bucky.

"I see you like my stuff." he smirked, slowly making his way towards my bed. Hazel jumped off to go find food, her bowls had been placed in the kitchen. "You know, it's wrong to steal sweetheart." Bucky was looking down at me now, his hands in the pockets of his neat dress pants. "You left me with no other choice," I said without much confidence.

"I don't have any of my things, and these sheets are god awful and scratchy." "Maybe I just like seeing you in my clothes," he hummed. A warm blush coated my cheeks as he leaned closer. "You're kinda cute sweetheart." At this point I could smell his minty breath, and feel it as well. "Give me my stuff, and you'll get yours back." I suggested before flopping down on my bed and pulling the covers over me, specifically the blanket I stole right off of his own bed.

He laughed before tugging at the blanket to reveal me clinging to his body sized pillow like a koala. I refused to meet his gaze, instead keeping my eyes closed. "I can't sleep unless I'm comfortable." I stated.

"I get that. We'll have Steve pick your stuff up, but you can keep the pillow." he winked.

That afternoon, Bucky had sat down and had lunch with me. He made eggs, bacon and fluffy toast. I helped a little, making us tea and setting the plates at the black marble island.

"So, I was thinking, you can start working remotely until they absolutely need you back at the hospital." his eyes met mine, waiting for a reaction. I was excited, but I tried not to show it too much since I really shouldn't have been taken from the hospital in the first place. "Then, once I'm sure it's safe, you can go back."

"Safe?" How did my safety play into this decision? I was confused, I was always safe at the hospital, save for the occasional confused patient. "Y/n, your father had a lot of enemies, quite a few of them are associated with other mafias, none as well built or known as my own. He promised you to me in hopes that peace could be made, but he betrayed several of his promises and upset more people than he could handle. Because they can't get to your father, they might get to you next."

"Fine. But I need to get to the hospital sooner rather than later. I have a million patients and I've missed so many rounds. For all I know, Lena could be out of the hospital by now. I haven't had contact with anyone for weeks." I sighed, to which he frowned at. "I know, and I do feel bad but I also care about your safety."

I blushed at his admittance, not used to being romantically cared for. Over the days that turned into weeks, we had grown to like each other. Maybe this arrangement would end up working after all.

"Fuck."

Bucky had given me a space to work within his office, so that's where I was when I heard a string of curses and muffled groans near midnight. The door suddenly swung open, revealing a bloody and battered Bucky.

"James?" I asked. "Hey -shit- y/n/n." He clutched his right arm to his abdomen. There was so much blood from so many different places. "It looks like you need my help," I sassed, getting up to help him settle down on the leather couch. His "yeah" was cut off by a groan. "I need to take your shirt off, okay?" Concern was surely painted on my face as I saw his blood soaked jacket.

"At least buy me dinner first," he laughed. "Ha ha. I'm glad you're in a decent mood," I said while starting to unbutton his white work shirt. I rolled up the sleeves of his black Henley that I was borrowing. He had three major wounds: one on his cheek, one on his right arm and one located on his lower abdomen.

"This is going to hurt," I warned, getting the first aid kit from across the room and preparing the peroxide. He hissed as I poured it over every wound, dabbing them after with gauze. "You're doing great," I tried to smile sympathetically while remaining focused.

"I'm going to stitch your face first, okay?" I asked, getting the supplies ready. "I don't need stitches." he countered. "Bucky, this wound is deep and it's not going to stop bleeding until I close it. You need stitches." "Doll, I'm fine, just leave it."

"Right! Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! I forgot that you had a medical degree." I said sarcastically. He blushed in return and stayed still while I started to stitch his cheek.

A part of me wanted to make a jab about being out of practice, due to being kidnapped from the hospital, but I held back. Bucky was a good man and we were starting to bond and get along way better than I had ever anticipated. I learned that he had a sister, Steve had been his best friend since highschool, and he had inherited the mafia from his father.

James was a man who loved dogs, and making sure the ones he loved were safe, from his best friend all the way down to Anne, the maid and housekeeper. Another hiss pulled me from my thoughts. "Sorry," I winced. "Almost done."

"Thank you" he said after I patched each site with gauze and polysporin. "Anytime." "I guess we make more sense than I thought." he said as we sipped coffee in the kitchen. "How so?" I laughed. "A surgeon and a mafia boss. I could use you doll." He smiled. I tilted my head to the side in mock offense. " 's that all I am to you? A good pair of hands to tend to your messes, Mr. Barnes?" I asked. "No no no! I just mean that we make sense, you know?" I smiled at him over my mug. "I know."

He started leaning closer to me, to the point where I could feel his breath on my lips. Bucky's eyes met mine over the small table, his flesh hand coming up to cup my cheek, the other resting its cooler touch on my neck, pulling me in. I never fought once, instantly kissing him back when I felt his lips meet mine.

I sighed into the kiss, letting him hold my face and tip it back. His tongue caressed my lower lip before bringing it into his mouth, sucking on it tenderly. My hand moved to cover his flesh one, leaning into his touch slightly. He inhaled me as he pulled back. I felt my face flush and go warm and his hungry gaze, as if I was his prey and he wanted to devour me whole. "Bucky," I panted.

He smirked devilishly. "You like that, doll?" I nodded dumbly at his question. Bucky's eyes creased at the corners when he smiled, tilting his head down to look at me. "I like you," I whispered. He leaned closer, "I like you too, printessa."

Over the weeks, I had started sharing Bucky's room with him. I had an abundance of plush blankets and soft pillows to cuddle with. He had started coming to bed earlier, and I have started back at the hospital. Joe and my other friends missed me while I was away, and I can guarantee that I missed them just as much, if not more. My Resident Chief and Chief of Surgery both cried when they saw me walk back into the hospital lobby, happy and unharmed.

Life was good again, and I finally felt peace.

#marvel mcu #marvel fanfiction #fanfiction #bucky barnes #mafia!bucky #bucky barnes x fem reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky x female reader #bucky x y/n #mafia!bucky x reader #mafia!bucky x fem reader #mafia!bucky x y/n

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stargirl-writes · 1 year ago

Text

heal

pairing : f! reader x anakin skywalker

word count : 3.5 k

masterlist | ao3 link

summary

in which anakin skywalker chooses to run away with you before all is lost in mustafar.

tags : au, angst!!, hurt/no comfort

warnings : toxic love, dark fic, ptsd, and reader being so dependent on anakin, suicidal behavior

notes : my reader character being a healer is my self indulgent insert 😭

i've sat w this 4 so long cause i was like 'realistically, what would happen if anakin ran away?' and i think i've finally made up my mind abt it.

time is moving fast for this fic because i wanted to cover so much, so heads up for the skips!

ALSO, ear-ringing apologist perspective. if u can't handle reader being blind to faults, this is not for u haha!

likes, comments, and reblogs are highly appreciated!

Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.

At least, it was something you want believed in.

The clone war that raged on revealed just how much people can be persuaded to do horrible things when their survival is at stake.

You underestimated that instinct yourself. The burning desperation to not lose your Anakin Skywalker. You thought, you would have killed for him, the way he would for you.

Obi-Wan Kenobi was the one to tell you how Anakin became irredeemable.

It was a blur how you flew to Mustafar despite it. You needed Anakin to admit to it, you needed to take him away from what he'll become.

The crimes he committed made you feel sick, septic like a festering wound.

But, whether you love what you love.

Or live in divided ceaseless revolt against it, what you love is your fate.

You've been so alone. So much so, you can only define a time with Anakin, and without him.

It was gradual. It couldn't have been some higher power that destined you to him, He had been a General of a war, and you, the Healer. It was all odds, that you fell in the right place at the wrong time.

An unwilling hero, and a glorified murderer.

He was crafted to be a tool in the war. Divinely created by the Force with the purpose of bringing balance. And in a war, that meant doing damage, killing.

Every victory he had was a stark contrast to yours.

Every life he takes, be it a droid or a separatist, is a win. And every life you lose is a name added to the long list of casualties.

You and Anakin were opposites.

So, the shock of it remains, because somehow along the way, Anakin loved you. And you loved him. You had each other to cling to.

The terror of What if it doesn't last, What if there's no one else? What happens if it goes back to being alone? persists.

And you might not belong anywhere else.

But you were his. As he is yours. Not in the manner of possession. Yours in the way of devotion.

Mine to tend to, mine to care for, mine to love.

You knew that Anakin's love was conditional. You were only the one in front of him. You didn't misunderstand. You let him use you anyway.

It's not like you were loving him unconditionally, it was because you were terrified to be lonely.

At least, in the beginning, you believed so.

Most days were occupied by your duties. And Anakin would love you in a way that is shaped like fingers wrapped around a throat. Incessant. Hungry. Teeth deep in possession. Making up for the little time, holding you against him as if he was bracing himself that someday you won't be around.

It felt like he was always saying goodbye.

So, though your heart was nearly breaking out of your ribs, you flew by yourself to Mustafar.

A pile of lifeless Separatist figures greeted you in horror.

It was true. Anakin had gone to the dark side. What he did with those children...

The fear consumed you like a corrosion, but still, you stood in front of him, begging him to come back.

Anakin had carried a deep malaise when you had found him. It was almost emanating from his blood-stained robe, a coldness, a deadly assurance.

"You're not supposed to be here," Anakin says in a strangled voice. His hands firmly holding your arms.

The color of his eyes startled you. It was like looking at a ghost, and all that was left was an unending rage. You fought to not let your fear swallow you.

"Anakin, we have to go" Your lips quivered, not entirely sure what you were planning.

There will never be escaping the things he's done.

You want him to go away with you, anyway.

Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.

For a while, it was quiet. Anakin's glossy blue eyes were gazing at you, in conflict, and begging to be understood.

"I can't... Don't you see? I've restored justice to the galaxy" He abruptly lets go, and turns, concealing his face away from your sight. "The things I've done... I can't, there's no running away from it"

The guilt he feels leads him to think that the only path now is through the one he sacrificed his morality for.

"No," you struggled, voice failing to hide your anguish. "Anakin, you can't let this be your fate. Run away with me." You pleaded, eyes filled with tears.

A life of loneliness. With no one, the way it used to.

Then, Anakin half turns. He surveys your willingness to take him as he is. Maybe, even wanting to believe it.

You have always loved Anakin, even the parts you have not understood.

Perhaps, this was the similarity that bound you together. Burning devotion. One that allows you to see past your moral code.

You gave so much to the war. You'd run yourself spent from the hours. You fought so hard to keep people from dying. You'd never taken anything but this. A chance at life. Away from it all.

"I would've done anything you asked of me" His voice reveals his devastation.

You stepped forward, "Then come with me, Leave it all behind, I need you"

You held your breath, half convinced that this may very much be the end of things.

But Anakin takes your hand, and you don't waste a minute more to take him away in your ship.

Your hands shook the entire time.

The galaxy was silent when the war ended.

Mace Windu's attempt to assassinate the Chancellor made the Jedi an enemy of the Empire.

It triggered an Order that made clone soldiers turn against their Generals. The Jedi are hunted down for treason.

You and Anakin will never find security again.

The atmosphere was thick with emotions that were strained by the abruptness of events. It was making it so much harder to breathe. To live with the truth of it.

All three years of the war are reduced to two moments; Anakin falling into Palpatine's manipulation, and Anakin choosing to run away with you.

You caught yourself slipping away. Tucked in a corner of your mind where you can feel safe.

The healer's oath replays in your mind, the cruelest reminder.

Blind to faults, blind to good. Serve to save, not to see.

As the jedi healer, you weren't allowed to deny patients. You wondered whether that played into role when you stomached all the horrible things Anakin did. Serve to save, despite, despite, despite...

You landed in a remote place on your home planet of Hapes.

It was a secluded cabin that you used to go to when you were younger. Surrounded by a lake that stretches as far as your eyes can see. It was the first thing that came to mind when you set your ship on autopilot.

Anakin was quiet the entire time.

You, too, became paralyzed by the events that has unraveled.

For a few days, it remained like that.

Though the event has passed, your body can't quite regulate.

It still feels as though someone will find you. And take Anakin with them. You knew your hypervigilance was a consequence of your trauma, but knowing doesn't mean you can let the feeling go.

Even Anakin responds to mild stressors as if he was still in the war. He'd not let you off his sight the first few weeks.

You felt as though Anakin was trying to process everything in his mind. And you grew terrified of his growing silence. Knowing Anakin meant knowing his tendencies to vacillate violently. The reality of what he had done would set and it'd twist into something septic. An unending shame.

You were convinced that he'd have killed himself from it.

But then he'd stare at you deeply as if he was committing you to memory. He'd coddle your face in his palm. He'd hold your hand, hands that are capable of so much rage, and so much tenderness. He'd hold you tight against him in bed, the way he used to.

He can't quite communicate it through words yet, so he'd rely on his touch to let you know that he was still here. Your anxieties eased after. He needed to detangle it on his own. You'd be there whenever he is ready.

Obi-Wan Kenobi appears the next month.

It was through luck that you were the one to open the door.

You knew Obi-Wan would want Anakin to answer for the crimes he's committed.

You won't let him.

"What do you want?" You say cautiously. Stepping forward to the Jedi Master to stop him from entering your new home.

Obi-wan furrows his eyebrows at your action. He gazes at you for a moment before speaking up. "You know what he's done, [Name]"

"The Republic has fallen. The system that replaced it won't hold him to what he's done. It's the very reason for its existence, anyway"

Obi-Wan's eyebrows flashed hearing your words. It seemed as though you'd be the last person he'd expect to exhibit such... heartlessness.

"And what, do you intend to keep him here forever?"

You looked down, fiending an expression of indifference you learnt from Anakin.

"I'm more selfish than he is"

Obi-Wan sighs. There were no more Jedi Council to hold Anakin accountable. You wonder if Obi-Wan had gone looking for him out of the responsibility he felt he had. You could use that.

"If you have any love left for Anakin, You'll leave him with me" You persuaded.

Obi-Wan sharply looks at you. You knew he was being torn apart by his mind and heart.

The door swings, revealing Anakin who appears behind you.

Anakin's arm extends to put you behind him. Obi-Wan was caught, stricken by the sight of his apprentice. You held on to Anakin's forearm.

You held your breath.

Then, Obi-Wan opens his arm to hug Anakin.

Anakin froze, perhaps not expecting his Master to embrace him after...

He turns his head to look at you, then back to his Master. And he reluctantly wraps his arm around Obi-Wan.

You exhaled finally.

You saw Obi-Wan's glossy eyes as he pulled away. He may not forgive Anakin for all the things he's responsible for, but his love for him surpasses all the anger he has.

Gaining his master's acceptance, Anakin became recognizable once more.

However, Obi-Wan could not stay. Perhaps, he's grown sick of stomaching the love he had for Anakin. It was not an easy feeling to be fond of.

When Obi-Wan left, Anakin finally came to you.

It hauntingly paralleled the moment he broke down after he lost his mother. After he gave in to his rage. Only this time, he didn't hold the pose of defiance and came undone, weeping for what he'd done.

You held him and told him that what matters now is what he'll choose to do.

And in the months that come, Anakin has fought to deserve your forgiveness.

He wanted to earn your love.

As a healer, your experience with foraging natural medicine made you more equipped to build a sustainable life. In six months, you were able to make this house by the lake a place to call home.

But, Anakin is being dragged through time. He'd do his best to help, but you can feel his... silence. The weight of it, this was not the life he was groomed to have. He has always lived off the adrenaline. The absence of it makes him constantly feel as though he is at the other end of the high.

It'd worry you whenever he comes home late from a hunt. He's always been reckless, that much hasn't changed. He'd come home covered in tissue deep cuts, bruised muscles, and a dead-pan look in his eyes. It was a topic that you tried to communicate— and a topic Anakin would respond defensively to.

"It's nothing" He'd dismiss whilst you were dressing the wound.

You'd press the clean gauze over his skin, on the brink of anxiety. He'd wince and take the gauze from your hand.

And you'd stand up and leave, because your patience would have run out by then.

It upset you how he always stands on a cliff to wait for the winds to swoon him over because he won't jump, he won't make that decision himself.

Your breaths were shallow as you tried to calm down after yelling about how his passivity over danger was eating at you. You needed him to try. Because you can't save him on your own.

"I'm sorry" Anakin looks down, receding. " I just don't know how to do this" He admits, eyes wide, childlike, helpless.

And you thaw, breaths shallow as you fought to not cry from the anger.

"Anakin, if you don't..." You began, looking down at the ground as if the words would appear before you there. "if you don't want this anymore, you can go"

Because the entire year you have spent in this cabin, it felt like time has frozen. You hoped that in time, you and Anakin would find the courage to move past the war. Of course, it was futile, you can never take back what you've given to the effort.

Whatever is left of you and Anakin is all there is now. And sometimes, it feels like there is nothing. Just ghosts of who you once were. You weren't sure if being with you was making any difference at all.

You were selfish, but not enough to keep him as he wastes away. You'd let him go, even if it'd cripple you forever.

Anakin grabs both of your shoulders firmly, forcing you to look up to him.

"Why do you think I came with you?" Anakin's voice was stern. His eyes fixed, determined to imprint words to your heart.

You held on to his arm, swallowing your anguish. "I only meant that if I'm not doing you any good, you should—"

"And where would I go?" He interrupts, unrelenting.

"I don't know" You admitted. You're ruining him. You've done this to him. You should let him go.

His grip loosened, and his lips kept opening and closing as if he was eating up the words before letting it leave his mouth.

"—I'm trying, [Name]"

"I'm giving you my life, I don't have anything larger to give" His voice breaks, and his head dips. "I'm trying" he repeats.

You felt his tears warm against your clavicle. Your fingers tangling with his hair.

"I know, Ani" You coo gently. "We'll try together" You promised.

It was becoming clearer that he was alleviating his sins by trying to kill the entity that once controlled him. It was also becoming harder to see a monster when all you see is Anakin, the love you abandoned everything for.

Anakin, who was sold as a slave, and then freed, only to be chained to another lifelong servitude through the Jedi. Anakin, who was dropped in the middle of a war, and made responsible for a child whilst being a child himself.

The Jedi Order relied on his nature of winning, despite not agreeing with his tactics. He'd be patronized for his violence, which his life would soon be defined by. Anakin's worst action is murder, the same way his best action is murder. Because if he doesn't answer to the shots fired, he'd be the one receiving them.

He was never afforded any space to become anything else.

Except when he's with you.

Anakin can become cruel, the same way he is loving. Two truths can exist at the same time.

And with the months that flew by, you watched as Anakin continually chose to not let his darkness define him.

You were learning things about him that you couldn't have had during the war. The way he neatly keeps inventory of his tools. The intense focus in his eyes when he is concentrating. The way the wood creaks— the cadence of his steps. All committed to memory because no one else can know him the way you do.

He told you, you saved him. And you wept, unsure whether what you did was really an act of selflessness.

Living with him became easier. No more effort to try to gain his love. No approval, no admiration to attain. There is no role to play, no one to convince. Just, being. There was so much time, and the only thing that mattered was; how long do we have each other?

Most days, Anakin would carry his grief so well, that you'd forget it was even there. He'd work to minimize it, to live with it. However, when the dark comes, he has no control over his dreams. and the overwhelming shame and guilt seep.

It had been two years when you woke up abruptly to find the space beside you empty.

You grabbed your robe, the cold midnight air felt crisp against your skin. Finding Anakin was easy. He'd always wander towards the edge of the lake, staring at the moons.

"It's cold, Ani, come back to sleep" You urged, but Anakin's gaze was far away.

He has chopped some of his hair, and it looked the way it used to during the war. It startles you sometimes to remember how young he still was.

"I had a dream" He speaks softly, arms finding a way to snake around you so he'd press you against him. "It felt as real as you now" His gaze lands on you.

It terrified you to ask, but you did anyway.

"We had a child"

Oh.

You chuckled in surprise. Stepping back to process what he said. It just never seemed to occur to you, then. Though you have never dismissed the idea, it just felt like you were barely surviving to try to raise a child.

Anakin smiles when he realizes he made you flustered. "Good thing it was only a dream?"

You let out a breathless laugh, somehow relieved that Anakin was not seriously considering it.

"Yes," You weren't ready. You may never find it in yourself to ever be ready.

"We're not bringing a child now, not like this"

Anakin's expression melts, "Yes, the empire is growing stronger" His guilt resurfaces.

"I never imagined it to be like this for us," He thinks out loud,

"We have to make the best of what we have" You sigh.

"I've been thinking" Anakin begins, "maybe, there is still something that can be done"

You try steadying your breath, somehow bracing yourself for this moment; when he'll want to fight again.

It was everything he was made for. You knew that, you just didn't think it'd be in under a short period.

Something was screaming inside you. A fear, that you thought had gone when you ran away with Anakin. It was telling you that you were going to lose him. And you, selfishly, want to stop him. He can't... if he goes, he'll die. And you can't even begin to imagine what'll happen to you if he dies.

"How?" You asked despite yourself.

"Ahsoka mentioned something about a rebellion," He says, voice thick with something he hasn't had before. Hope.

"The galaxy needs changing" He steps forward.

You shook your head, overcome by the anxiety of it. "Anakin, I'm never going back"

He turns on his heel, eyes narrowed at your proclamation. "I didn't ask you to come back"

You tilt your head, "Of course, you weren't" Though you knew you were being unfair, just the idea of it was sending stress already.

Anakin's eyebrows knit. "I'm only thinking out loud, it's one thing to consider it but another to act on it" He defends.

Though, you know this is where it begins. And you were responding defensively because you knew where it would lead.

Anakin will forever feel as though he has to restore the galaxy to how it was before he helped destroyed it. It won't be long until he'd despise himself for choosing to stay here with you. Especially since it's been drilled into him that he's supposed to be the one to bring balance to the force.

Whether he loves you or lives in a divided ceaseless revolt against it, what he chooses to love is your fate.

His purpose or you.

Going would give him his closure.

Going would anchor you to the hells of your biggest fear.

"Anakin, please don't go where I can't follow" Your voice broke, begging. It was selfish to want to keep him for the second time.

And you weren't sure whether your love would be enough for Anakin to stay.

Not when it only brought him here, a home by the lake, forever standing on thin ice that always threatened to break under.

You were living under the false pretense of security. All of this, the house, the lake, the isolation, are reminders that you and Anakin will never go back to normalcy, no matter how much you pretend.

A knife may dull, but its purpose remains to cut.

Anakin's expression softens and he presses his lips on the temples of your forehead.

You were slowly understanding that the entire galaxy's fate was carried inside Anakin Skywalker.

The chosen one.

Every decision he made was informed by that pressure. No matter how personal, it always builds to a path that he can't control, because it's already laid out for him.

Created by the force, to be used by the force.

So you can't find the heart to be angry when he left.

You decided it would be hopeless to try to stop him. Anakin has this view that everything in his life, he has to work to earn. To deserve.

Even this... freedom that you have.

He has to contribute to it, in this perverse grandiose action as to fight the Empire. So he can accept that you do indeed love him.

He has to seize this opportunity with Ahsoka. He is more autonomous of his power now. He is once again engaging in something that's risking his life. He can fulfill his destiny.

It didn't make it any less painful.

You had to inspire confidence in him, otherwise, he'd doubt. So, you pushed all your feelings away and smiled when you kissed him goodbye.

You never left the war. The two years you stole were only stalling the inevitable. Perhaps, two years was too generous.

"Bring him back, please" You took Ahsoka aside. Ahsoka nods uncommitedly. For, she won't promise what she can't deliver.

And once again, you have found yourself alone.

He swore he'd have done anything for you.

Just not this one.

His belief that he has no inherent right to life; and has to work to earn anything made you feel as though you were his... prize. A trophy. In which he'd fight for to retain but not value enough to take care of.

He should've stayed. It's good he left.

Because now that you have nothing, you're finally able to detangle how Anakin doesn't love you. Not in the way you thought. Anakin loves that he has you.

You have always put his wellness first, that now, when you are not so worried by walking carefully around his hurt, you are able to feel yours.

Perhaps, losing Anakin was good. You can finally put yourself first. Whilst he still seeks answers in the past

There is no going back to the way it was. You tried living 'normally' and it just became a bitter reminder that you are forever changed.

Acceptance of that and lending yourself a little more compassion might just be the beginning of your healing.

footnote

i'm obsessed with the writing style where authors strikes through the text ! it's such a smart way to imply that the character that's narrating is choosing not to allow those thoughts and so it looks like it's been scribbled out .

also, quoting ka applegate on relationships not lasting outside the war :

"wars don't end happily. not ever. often relationships that were central during war, dissolve during peace. some people who were brave and fearless in a war are unable to handle peace, feel disconnected and confused. "

#anakin skywalker #anakin (ciella's ver)#star wars #sw #anakin x reader #anakin x you #star wars anakin #anakin #anakin fanfiction #anakin skywalker fanfiction #anakin star wars #anakin skywalker fic #fanfic #anakin skywalker x you #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker x female reader

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azes-ocean · 6 months ago

Text

Wanderer Headcannons for being in a new relationship with him 💙

Wanderer head cannons for being in a new relation ship with him

Tw: Teyvat timeline+ verse, noncanon

Notes: Erm I’m bored so I made this 😭 I’m on 18 resin rn!!! I can almost do a domain again! (And wow this took me a while)

SFW

Wanderer is quite hesitant about showing public affection. Geez, what a tsundere little puppet.

“Don’t call me that, idiot. I’m not some ‘tsundere’ or whatever.” No, no, don’t worry he doesn’t mean that. He really is just a tsundere.

He’ll apologize once you two get home. Or maybe even sooner. He never really could resist that pleading look.

“Tsk…stop looking at me like…fine. I’m-I’m sorry. Happy now?” If you were, then, well, he is too! He’ll give you apology part two once he finds the opportune moment to ask you to eat dinner with him.

And if your not happy? Okay. He’ll work on his apologies. And their will definitely be apologies part two, three and four. He may be brutally honest and a bit rude but he loves you 💕

He hates sweet food, but if you have a sweet tooth FINE, he’ll try some ice cream. For you. Tsk, you better give him a lot of cuddles and kisses when you get home. “You better appreciate that.” He looks like a sulky child. But he deserves it, right? He sacrificed his taste buds for you!

Teasing him about his hat again? He’ll huffily push his hat on you, effectively shutting you up as you try to balance his way to big head accessory. There. And if you continue after that? You better believe his next way of stopping you would be a kiss on the lips given with a red face.

When you finally become official the first person you must get approval from is his (adopted) mother Nahida! She may be a bit hesitant at first- not because she thinks either of you aren’t meant to be together, but more of would you be able to stand Wanderer’s sometimes harsh words? When you assure her your 100% fine with it, she’ll give you a hug (as high as she can reach) and give you and Wanderer the Dendro archon’s thumbs up!

NSFW MINORS DNI 🔞

Warnings: Unprotected sex, Slight degration, mention of toys, let me know if theres anything else 🥲

An: my first attempt at NSFW, please tell me (preferably dms or asks but anywhere really!) If you know some tips 💙 Tysm for reading!

Unlike how he acts outside, confident and cocky, he’s not that experienced in bed. No worries though! He can make up for it with passion!

He is quite the fan of jealous sex, pounding into you relentlessly even in an alleyway if someone looks at you the wrong way. How could that jackass look at his lover like that? No, he needs to remind you (and himself) who you belong to! And he can do that by making you call out and moan his name over and over again as you reach your climax.

Is he a fan of toys? Not really. His pride doesn’t want to believe anyone but him is capable of pleasuring you. If you dare ask then he’ll bend you over the nearest surface and start fingering you harshly, his fingers prying apart the meaty flesh around your hole, lightly pinching and scissoring any sensitive parts whilst pressing deeper and deeper until he reached parts you never knew could be touched, but stopping before you could cum, grabbing your hair and whispering in your ear, “Could some toy feel as good as this? Hmm?” And when you finally give in, whimpering apologies and begging him to let you cum, he’d give you a cocky smile as he jabs two of his fingers inside your hole, not hesitating to hook the flesh deep inside you, smirking at the way you gasp, but using his other hand to cover your mouth as you moan, “Shh, shh, you little slut, you wouldn’t want anyone to hear us, right?”

How mean he was in bed too, absolutely never letting you be the dominant one. As soon as you give him the go signal, he is harshly ripping off your clothes and pushing you against the bed, slinging your legs over his shoulders, starting already with harsh and quicks thrusts, sometimes not even bothering to stretch you. Its already (kind of) alright with you though. He had made sure you had remembered the shape of his cock, and he reminds you everytime, hitting that spot over and over again whilst relishing in the dazed look in your eyes.

“Aww. Little (boy/girl), are you enjoying that?” He whispers in your ear as he pulls up your head with his grip on your hair, not even faltering with every thrust, “What a greedy slut. I’m sure you are.” You don’t even have the energy nor the mind to reply, simply only whimpering pathetically as you felt your climax coming closer with every thrust. When your climax finally comes, Wanderer gives you a pleased smile, yet not even bothering to stop his pounding. How unfair it was that he had so much stamina.

Oh, and when you finally have a little power over him as he whispered in your ear, begging to let him come inside you, his merciless pounding finally stopping for a while, as he loosened his grip on your hair. You hardly managed to whimper out a ‘yes’, your mind already so dazed you could hardly register his words. Your mouth chokes out another moan as you felt his white seed filling you up inside, causing you to let out a small whimpers that eventually turned into pleased sighs. “Don’t let it spill dear…” The wanderer whisperef in your ear, almost theateningly, causing you to clutch around him tightly, whimpering.

Likes and reblogs appreciated 💙

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helenofsimblr · 1 year ago

Text

Bob: I didn’t say that. But you stayed out late, and you didn’t contact me and update me. I’ve been down this road before, Elita. With Judith, the lies, the sneaking about and she was out there hurting people.

Elita: You think I’m like her!? You think I’m going to hurt people, suck them dry!?

Bob: No… I… I don’t believe that Elita. I… I’m not… accusing you, and I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I’m scared history is going to repeat.

Elita: My father stammered over his words, with hindsight I know what he meant. He had, he thought, a 50% vampire hybrid super soldier teen daughter who was literally sneaking about. I did stay out late with Ambrose and I did not report in. BUT, I didn’t hurt anybody and neither did Ambrose. But dad had seen all this before, and he was afraid, so I get it.

Elita: I knew it! Another monster daughter for you to worry about! Well don’t worry because I’ll pack my shit and…

Bob: That’s enough. You’re not going anywhere. We won’t lose you like we did Judith, you’re not her. Judith was petty, selfish, and vain, and you’re none of those things. But Elita, I can’t have you lie to me honey. If you want to have my total trust, I have to have the truth from you.

****

Elita: Honesty, is the best policy. I told my dad the truth, with but one slight omission…

Elita: I was at the ruined church in Mag Heights, some of the kids at school set it up as a party place. I was told about it, and decided to go to try and make a friend, and fit in. I didn’t report in because I lost track of time, because… I met a guy there.

Bob: “A guy?” Do you know him from school? What kind of age was he?

Elita: He was a spot older than me, he’s a Senior I guess… and we went for a cheeseburger, well, he wasn’t hungry, but I ate. We got to talking, I lost track of time and ran home. NOTHING happened between us. I swear.

Bob: Thank you honey, I appreciate that. I want you to feel comfortable here and be able to come and go as you please, but I need you, Guy, John, and Lyra to all bear in mind… we are not normals. For us there has to be rules. For our safety and the safety of others. It’s unfair, it’s not right, but it’s how it must be.

Elita: I understand.

****

Bob: Come here!

Elita: My dad grabbed me in a hug. And I leaned my head on his chest as he held me tight.

Bob: I am so proud of you, and I love you very much. Never forget those two things Elita.

Elita: Thanks dad, I love you too. Sorry I didn’t tell you.

Bob: Water under the bridge sweetheart. You being here has enriched all our lives, and we’d never be without you. We might not always agree, and that’s ok, because this is your home, with me and Lyra and you never have to feel like you don’t belong here. This is where you belong, with us.

Elita *quietly*: Ok, thank-you.

Bob: Good, now get your ass up to bed. You haven’t slept in 3 nights. Go go go!

Elita: My own insecurities at that age manifested from time to time, hearing my father reaffirm his commitment and love to me, was just what I needed. I also did need sleep, so bed is where I went.

#ts4 #ts4 story #sims 4 #sims 4 story #ksu #tales from the district #season two #Bob #Elita

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grunge-sol · 6 months ago

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I made peace with the fact that I will never truly be like them

I spent my early childhood feeling like something was off, people around me looked like aliens. And I was the one living on their planet.

I've always had a really strong personality, the kind that always ends up standing out.

I was too sensitive compared to other boys, and too loud to be around girls.

So my adolescence was a long nightmare, the kind of nightmares your mind makes up when you have a fever. My daily life was centered around understanding how everyone else acted, looked, thought and lived.

They didn't care about anything. They were always content with who they were.

On the other side, I always cared too much. I needed to justify my existence every day. I needed to explain why I was alive and who I was. To everyone. Always.

I wanted to feel like them.

I wanted to be like them.

I continuously changed everything about myself, just to fit in the social context I found myself in.

I've been so many people that I started to forget what "myself" even meant.

This obsession made me into a perfect social machine.

I can (still) be whoever you need, as long as you help me shush the voice that keeps telling me that we are fundamentally and unequivocally different. Even for a moment.

I can be your perfect son, your dumb classmate, your introverted loser, your righteous rebel, your charismatic friend.

I just wanted to be part of something. I never belonged anywhere.

But the truth was that I hated them.

I hated them for making me feel so distant.

Disgust was the reason I wanted to be liked by them. I wanted them to like me not only to feed my fragile ego, but so I could finally feel on their level.

I used my kindness and support to make others appreciate me. But that never really got me anywhere.

They used me, lied to me, backstabbed me. And I just let it happen. I didn't care for myself enough. At least they noticed me.

That disgust overwhelmed me to the point that I became completely numb and slowly stopped caring at all.

Why bother?

They don't care about how I perceive them, so why should I care about how they perceive me?

The good news is that today I am always true to myself. I am finally free from that struggle.

I am still very good at socializing. It's like learning how to ride a bike. Once you get it, it'll stick with you until the very end.

But now, I have people who love me for who I am and I will always be thankful to them.

Most importantly, I have a special someone that makes me feel like the most special, important, handsome, smart and loved person in the world. Just being in the same room as them makes the whole world go silent.

So today I can finally live with myself in peace.

Now I just have to figure out what to do with this peace. The aliens are still there. I'm just indifferent to them now.

Funnily enough, my friends abandoned me the moment I started standing up for myself.

But I'll manage, I always do.

I guess that silence is what every war is fought for.

#vent post #vent blog #adolescenthealth #coming of age #isolation #growth #introspection #introspective #young adult #love #self worth #lonelihood #socializing #hikkicore #hikkikomori #bullying

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hugefuckingtitsmassivepair · 2 months ago

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An Undeserving Fate (Dave Strider X Fem! Reader): ARC 1 - CHAPTER 9

Click here to be taken to the master list

It was the first day in a long series that I actually woke up feeling refreshed. Dave had passed out on the couch mid-movie instead of using sleep as a complicated rejection tactic. I’d actually managed to get all of my homework done and slept an entire 8 hours on top of it.

The only downside was that I had lab today, which meant that I would be stuck next to John for an entire two hours. I had completely ghosted him after the previous encounter and I wasn’t ready to face that conversation just yet. Anyone who messaged me was getting ghosted lately but John was the type to take it personally.

Throwing my bag into the locker, I smiled weakly at a visibly nervous John. God, I hated being mean to him but I didn’t have the emotional wherewithal to fix his feelings. I slid into the stool next to him, careful to keep my eyes down on the lab assignment in front of us. I was blessed once again as I realized this was assignment was something we’d done a thousand times already. Today would be a breeze, so long as they let me leave early when I was finished.

I slid the completed pre-lab over to John, gesturing towards it with my head. “It’s just agar plates again. I did the pre-lab questions already. You okay with culturing the plates?”

John nodded, clearing the space and starting to flame sterilize the loop. “Hey, (Y/N)?” He blurted out suddenly.

“Need some help?”

“No, I can culture plates. I just wanted to say I was sorry for blowing up on you and texting you a bunch. You’re were right, it’s not any of my business. You can make your own decisions,” he answered, frowning.

“Thank you, John. I appreciate that,” I responded plainly, trying to speed through the interaction before it had the potential to get out of hand.

“How’s it going so far? I won’t stick my nose where it doesn’t belong, I swear.”

It must have been my lucky day. I knew this was coming but I expected a lot more resistance than this. At the very least, I expected it would take me the entire hour to convince him it was okay to let it go. Regardless, I still wasn’t comfortable being entirely honest about it with him.

“Uneventful. He mostly just sleeps on my couch so we don’t interact much,” I lied, watching his expression to see if he believed that Dave was truly capable of being boring.

“That’s really good, I’m glad things are going well over there. How have you been?”

Thank fuck.

“Just been catching up on homework.” I answered, puffing out my cheeks. “You?”

John nodded, closing the plate and wrapping it. “Yeah, me too. I’m about to finish but I wanted to ask you— would you want to get food with me tomorrow? It’ll be my apology gift and then we’ll never talk about it again.”

I might have been a bitch for ignoring John. This was the kind of conversation that made me remember that he’d always been a sweet, agreeable little goofball towards me. There probably wasn’t a single mean bone in his body and I’d spent the last few days bemoaning about how obnoxious he was. Maybe the comment about Dave influencing me hit a little closer to home than I was willing to admit. John wasn’t my closest friend but he wasn’t anywhere close to being an enemy, either. I’d just been too focused on my personal life to acknowledge the good will he’d built up between us.

“I’d love that, actually. It’d be nice to put this all behind us,” I chirped, helping him clear the remainder of our used equipment.

John beamed at my response, laughing to himself. “Awesome. I was really nervous you were still going to be mad at me,” he explained.

“Nah, I couldn’t stay mad at you. You were just trying to look out for me. It looks like some other tables got to leave after they finished so I think we’re good to go. Just text me the plan for tomorrow, okay?”

“Yeah! I’ll text you!” John called out, smiling gleefully as he left the room.

His demeanor was infectious. I couldn’t recall a time I’d ever actually been frustrated with him before this, as most of his prior apologies had been completely unnecessary. He was well-intentioned, no matter how I had felt about it at the time. I probably should have actually sat down and thought about how insane it was to let a man I just met sleep in my apartment before I started lashing out on everyone for questioning it.

I rushed to find a bench outside the science building and took out my phone. John wasn’t the only person I’d been a shit-head to lately. Rose was still equally left on read. She’d only sent me a handful of messages but Dave was her brother. She had to be more emotionally invested in it than John was.

yourName [YN] began pestering tentacleTherapist[TT]

YN: Hey, I’m sorry for ignoring you.

YN: You were right to question why I was letting him stay with me. I don’t know why I acted that way.

YN: To answer your question, things have been going good. He’s not a half-bad roommate.

TT: What about Dirk?

YN: He still hasn’t shown up at all so I can’t comment.

TT: That’s wonderful news. I appreciate your apology, though I am still hesitant to agree this is an intelligent decision. Please remember that Dave always has a place to stay here.

YN: I will, thank you.

yourName [YN] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist[TT]

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering yourName [YN]

EB: sorry I know we just talked but does xochi at 5 tomorrow work?

EB: i can pay for your uber

YN: Are you sure? That sounds expensive.

EB: yeah!!

EB: it’s really good, you’ll love it

YN: If that’s what you want, its good with me.

EB: awesome

EB: see you there?

I only had 2 lectures after lab but they both flew by with such ease that things almost felt normal again. Not the kind of normal I had before Dave, but the kind of normal I had before I made the decision to move away from everyone from college. It felt good to walk with a little more energy and not be ashamed of being alive. It felt good to know someone would be willing to hang out with me when I got home and that I even had plans with a second person tomorrow.

Dave had his headphones in when I walked into the apartment, completely missing my entrance. He jumped when he eventually noticed to my entrance but did his best to play it off as a joke.

“Do you even go to classes?” I asked, setting my bag down and sitting next to him on the couch.

“Only the ones you’re in,” he replied, smirking as he crammed his headphones into his pocket.

“We only have one class together.”

“As far as you know, we only have one class together,” he corrected. I tried to lay into him about following me around but was interrupted before the first word came together. “Anyway, now that you’re done invading my personal life, I wanted to ask if you’d help me look for my bro. He still hasn’t answered.”

I’d honestly completely forgot that his brother was missing and no one was looking for him. My sorely regretted one-night-stand disappearing and getting replaced by a new, attractive roommate was such a blessing that the seriousness of him actually going missing hadn’t occurred to me. Better late than never, I guess.

“Yeah, of course I’ll help you look. Do you have any idea who he might be with or where he might go?”

Dave leaned back into the couch, sighing. “No, he doesn’t really hang out with anyone in particular. Normally, someone would give me some kind of heads-up after a few days of him being gone but I haven’t heard anything yet.”

“We could start by calling all the local hospitals and seeing if he’s been checked in somewhere?” I offered, taking out my phone.

By the time we’d made our way through the list of hospitals within 50 miles of Houston, Dave was pacing the apartment. Occasionally, he’d stop to lean against a peace of furniture and explain that he just hadn’t been active enough today but they were objectively poor excuses. He jumped at the idea to start calling every county jail in the state but unfortunately, the answer was the same as the hospitals— either he hadn’t been there or they wouldn’t tell us. The final straw was when we called it every bar, nightclub, or restaurant with live music in the city and not a single person said they’d seen anyone like him in the last week. It was getting late and there weren’t many hours left before businesses started shutting down.

“We should probably file a police report,” I heaved as the final bar clicked the phone against the receiver.

“Absolutely not,” he growled, snapping his head around to glare at me. “If I call the cops, he’s never coming back—“ He sighed, lowering his voice. “Sorry, just no cops, no matter what.”

Taken aback, I simply nodded. “Alright, what else is there we could do?”

“You try texting him,” He urged, straightening his posture. “Tell him you’re lonely and missing him or something, whatever it is women say when they want to have sex.”

I blinked a few times, swallowing. Under no circumstances did I want to be booty-calling Dirk but he was missing, so I guess my wants were about to get thrown out the window.

“I don’t think I ever got his contact information,” I admitted.

Dave wasted no time snatching my phone out my hand and unlocking it. I watched as sent Dirk a friend request and began typing out a message. “Heyyy. I know it’s been awhile but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about how good you made me feel<3 I’m so lonely here by myself. You should come keep me company;)” The icing on the cake was the selfie he’d just pulled out of my gallery and sent without asking. God, I hope he doesn’t screenshot that.

“That’s fucking insane,” I declared, already decided to repress the memory.

“Let’s drive around while we wait for a response. Maybe he’s on a street corner or something,” he muttered, grabbing his keys and speeding out the door before I was even on my feet.

His car was warm and rumbling loudly by the time I had managed to follow him. Dave was nervously stroking his hair back from his face. His signature sunglasses were tossed to the side, bright eyes focused on the outside. The car lurched as he peeled out of the parking lot, tires squealing on the pavement.

“You took your sunglasses off,” I commented, trying to stay focused on scanning every back-alley we passed.

“Yeah. Harder to see with them on.”

The neon lights of Houston were bright against the inky skyline. Watching the way people shuffled out in and out of the business fronts, laughing and talking as they walked was mesmerizing. It had always been a breathtaking view to see such a massive metropolis with millions of busy people going about their lives but I had never stopped to take it in. I wished I had more time to commit it to memory but the amazement of the city was only hindering our efforts.

“I know you don’t get it but my bro is important to me,” Dave croaked, eyes still scanning the roads. “Not to be a sappy loser but he’s all I’ve got. He’d do the same if it was me out there.”

“You don’t need to defend yourself. He’s your brother, I understand.”

Dave nodded slowly, pausing to give me an appreciative smile. “Thanks for being cool about it. Did he message you back?”

“No, he hasn’t even opened it.”

He sighed, gripping the steering harder. “Let’s head back. He’ll show up when he’s ready.”

#chapter an undeserving fate

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alphascnsual · 7 months ago

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"No such thing as too big," Daimon half-moaned, giving Tommy's ass another appreciative smack. He almost didn't want to let the other go now that he had him in his hold, but he tried to remind his feral, animalistic side that Tommy wasn't going anywhere and he had him for life now- there would be plenty time to hold him. Besides, he didn't like this gay-ass place, it gave him the creeps and it looked like shit in his opinion, too fake, too pretty- it wasn't a real home, and the bedroom was pretty boring as well. What kind of man called this the place where he boned a beauty like Tommy? How could you have such a fine piece of ass and this is where you laid with him? Their old jail cell felt like more of a home than this foreign place to him. "Not if I can help it," he playfully threatened, "You're perfect, Angel," he murmured in that soft tone he always did when he was particularly sweet with Tommy. It was as a sign when he was being vulnerable or genuine with the other, and a habit from prison- although he let everyone know that Tommy was his prison-wife and he cared for him, when he didn't want other inmates hearing his most intimate sweet talk he spoke in this tone so that only Tommy could hear him.

"Good boy," he praised softly as the other pulled himself together and told him his plan. "Don't worry about cash, I got that sorted for us already," he said simply without any further details, pulling the other back down for a few more kisses just because he could, then giving Tommy another little spank to remind him to get going. The two slowly got up and got dressed, with Daimon immediately groaning when Tommy pulled off him, a sound they both knew meant that he wished he didn't have to pull out. A large part of him wanted to impulsively do something to this 'perfect' home that some rat bastard had shared with the love of his life. Like take something, smash something, throw something around, mess something up- anything. But he kept glancing over at Tommy and taking a deep breath, he knew that the smaller male would want to leave this peacefully behind and would probably have some sort of guilt about leaving anyway and he shouldn't make it worse. Not that he liked having his Angel feeling anything for anybody that wasn't him, but he had the other back now where he belonged and that was all that mattered.

After lacing his boots up again he walked up behind where Tommy was standing in front of his closet, going through his clothes, "Good Christ, what the hell is all this shit?" Daimon asked bluntly, his Irish-American drawl thick in his voice, "Why you got so much fucking church-looking clothes, Angel?" he scoffed, fingering through some of the clothes that hung in front of them, "I mean, don't get me wrong, love, you'd look good in anythin' but none of this stuff isn't doing you any favors," he shook his head, "Is this how I find out you've become a Mormon?" he snorted. Daimon shook his head. "Don't pack any of that shit, just grab some underwear and socks. We'll go get you new clothes. More and better," he said simply, walking away from the closet and pulling a crushed-up box of cigarettes out of his back pocket and tapping one out and lighting up, "Imagine having the most beautiful fuckin' boy in the world and then having him dress like a priest ... Jesus himself should weep," he muttered to himself as he walked out the bedroom, strolling slowly towards the front of the house while he waited for Tommy to gather his things.

He looked around, scoffing at how pretentious it all was. Still thinking how it all felt like a house from a magazine, not a real home and he genuinely couldn't picture his Tommy being that happy here. No, he'd give him a real home and a real man to serve and love and spend his life with. After a couple more minutes he opened the front door and leaned against the frame, "Angel," he called back into the house, a small tone of warning and impatience to his voice, "I know you're ass is bigger now and it's more effort carrying it around but that don't mean you can take twice as long to do shit. Move it."

In parts, this still felt like a dream in how surreal it was that the reunion Tommy had longed for, dreaded, never thought to be possible, was suddenly a reality, impossible and inevitable at once. For weeks, even months after his release from prison, the blonde had felt lost, adjusting to freedom a struggle when he no longer had Daimon at his side, as the literal center of his life as Tommy's whole existence behind bars solely revolved around his cellmate and lover. It was depraved, certainly, a wicked codependency that left him with no choice but to bury this version of him in the past, to fake it until he could make it when it came to adjusting to life in the outside world. And eventually, it had truly felt like he had accomplished that. But the moment Tommy had only experienced in his wildest dreams before - Daimon knocking at his door - had finally come for real, and he knew whatever life he had built for himself out here, it was over. Once again he would be burying a part of himself in the past, but this time it was the Tommy that lived in a prim and proper, quaint little place with his soon-to-be husband; the Tommy that society would have deemed well adjusted. The Tommy that was so very vanilla it bordered on boring.

Every remnant of this mask he had built for himself to cope with the loss of Daimon had been literally fucked out of him, leaving in the other's firm hold only the man that had fallen in love with the other despite all the odds, despite the danger and depravity exuding from the taller male's being. Healthier, cleaner - although looking highly disheveled right now with his hair a mess, his face red and the petite frame covered in sweat and his own seed - and with a quite more ample ass than five years ago, but undeniably the Angel to the other's demon. Almost radiating with the afterglow of his own blissful orgasm, his trembling body limp and yet fully giving itself to Daimon, happily embracing his purpose as the other man's precious possession like as if no time had passed since their last encounter. "D-Daimon!", he cried out, the by now thoroughly wrecked hole clenching tightly around his lover's massive length as he was flipped onto his back and he could feel those dark eyes lock with his own gaze, endless need sated just that much more when their lips locked and he tasted the drug of his choice, Daimon's tongue against his own. Others may have claimed - many in fact had done so - that there was no light, no soul to be found in the other man's eyes, but Tommy knew they couldn't see what he did. To the world, Daimon may have been a monster, a stone-cold killer, but to Tommy, he was everything.

His own climax was long over technically, and yet his body refused to come down from the height of ecstasy and bliss, each hard thrust of Daimon slamming inside him, claiming him, sending new shockwaves through the blonde's much smaller frame. It had been years, but there was no way in hell Tommy would ever forget how it felt right before Daimon would climax, and a single tear of joy formed in his eyes as he could tell the moment had come, his pussy needily pulsing and clenching around the monstrous girth as he was bred, the hot seed filling him like a shot of a drug he'd been depraved of for five years.

He never wanted this moment to end, ever - that was Tommy's first thought as Daimon collapsed against him, their bodies hot and sweaty, their hearts racing and breath going hard. As the other flipped them around, that huge cock still so hard inside him and making Tommy cry out in sudden pleasure, he silently cursed the world for existing around them and time for not simply standing still. He knew he had to hurry; Tommy wanted to avoid at all costs a meeting between Daimon and the man he was - had been - engaged to. His fiancé deserved none of this, and as cowardly as it may sound, Tommy could not bear the idea of watching his heart break. "Mhh, you don't think it's too big, though, do you?", he mumbled half in jest, grinning as he rolled his hips just slightly to make his cheeks bounce a bit. "Most of my pants have gotten quite tight and I've wondered if I need a prison diet again", he joked. Sighing as Daimon reminded him of the urgency to pack, Tommy nodded softly, reluctantly forcing his shaky body to regain some composure. "I won't take long. I'll just pack a duffle bag with the essentials, and some cash for the road." Most of his belongings, most of the clothes in his closet, felt like things that should be left behind - things that his future husband would've liked to see him in. He would have to put some thought into what type of things Daimon would enjoy to have him wear - not an issue that had come up in jail, with the uniform being the only option.

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madamlaydebug · 2 years ago

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Finding where we belong can be difficult, especially when this Earth does not feel like home.

We spend our lives searching for a feeling that we aren't even sure exists.

We run from ourselves hoping that we'll never catch up. And we avoid the stillness, when in fact it is the stillness within us that we need to embrace.

But before we can belong anywhere on this Earth, we must first find belonging within ourselves.

We must be willing to accept ourselves on every level, otherwise we spend our lives resisting the very fibers woven deep within soul.

We fear our own stillness because we don't want to face the darkest corners of our being.

And we hide from ourselves and the world in fear that we will one day the darkness will be exposed.

But my dear, the very parts within you that you are running from are not meant to be avoided.

Instead they are meant to be embraced and appreciated because they make you complete.

Ultimately, they are meant to be love because you are love.

So today, if anything, I hope that you embrace the stillness within.

That you enjoy the silence while finding peace and belonging exactly where you are.

I hope that you can stop resisting yourself long enough to know that within you is the home that you have been running from, and searching for, all along.

This world can be lonely, but please know you are not alone on this journey.

You are loved.

You are supported.

And you are being guided in ways you cannot even comprehend.

Please keep going. The world needs the very thing you have to offer. All of it and all of you.

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my-alter-egos · 2 years ago

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Lockwood & Co. Spoilers

(long post ahead)

I want to talk about Lucy for a minute. When she first started out at Jacob's, she was terrified. She even told her mom that she would work literally anywhere else, she begged not to have to put her life on the line. But her mom makes her, forces this terrified young child to do the one thing she's scared pantsless about.

So terrified, Lucy nervously follows around this girl. And over time, she finds friendship and love, perhaps even for the first time. (Her mother clearly wanted nothing to do with her, and it doesn't seem her father did, either.) She quickly makes a lifelong friend, one she can share hopes and dreams with. Plan for a brighter future.

And as she becomes more comfortable, the agency (her team) starts to appreciate her. Her talents are applauded, her efforts celebrated. She is publicly lauded as an asset to the agency. Can you imagine how proud she would have been in that moment?

This poor girl who has spent her whole life just trying to have attention or affection in some small regard finally feels like she belongs to a team.

...but then it all goes south. Her friends are dead, and her best friend suffers a fate almost worse than death - condemned to live without truly living, inhabiting just a shell. Her word, even though she was just lauded in the agency, means nothing against the law, and she is just as powerless in court as she was the first time when she watched the ghosts take her friends (and not only her friends, but all her future plans as well).

Maybe there's a reason she never had the attention and recognition growing up. Maybe she never deserved it. Maybe her talents really never would be enough to be heroic enough to gain that kind of recognition. Maybe she knew somewhere deep down that attention would only lead to terrible things, and that's why she hadn't been able to achieve any earlier in life. Either way, she knows she never wants to deal with the feeling of all eyes being on her again.

She runs away to London and joins another small agency, but this one is nothing like the first one. Yet, she still hesitates to trust the boys immediately. Soon, though, she makes friends of both boys and begins to think that just maybe, she's found a place she can learn to enjoy. She knows she won't get any more public attention between the agency's small profile and Lockwood's propensity for hogging the attention himself (she really doesn't mind though). Besides, Lockwood is charming and sweet and thoughtful and caring, though he often disguises some of those traits.

But then, Lockwood shows Lucy his "true colors". He ignores her one request and tells her what he really views her as.

She's just another asset for another agency. Someone to look at when things are going well, but she'll no doubt be the scapegoat when everything turns topsy-turvy (and given her track record, what won't go that way eventually? Her father is dead, her mother hates her, her best friend is ghost-locked, her other friends are dead, she was turned down by every other agency in London except this one...)

There are no happy memories tied to this word, only the horror and tragedy of losing her friends and hopes and dreams. Are we at all surprised when Lucy tries to leave? The self-loathing after being reduced to yet another "asset" she feels only would have stewed from the scene in the kitchen to when she got out of the cab.

She immediately jumps to the conclusion that once her usefulness has expired, the people around her will only abandon her once again. And while we know that Lockwood and Lucy are able to make up after this scene, the mental baggage of feeling like an object meant to please others clearly carries with Lucy.

Days later, she still brings up being called an asset again. And yes, she knows that Lockwood apologized, and I genuinely believe she accepted his apology in the park. But now that her "value" as an agent has increased, she still fears that he only sees that "value" in her. Especially since she knows he's so attention-oriented.

I think that yes, this scene shows how cute those two are with each other, but I think it's also very revealing of Lucy's own demons that she carries with her. I've seen several people mention how open Lockwood was willing to be with Lucy in this scene, but I think just the one line above shows how Lucy is also showing Lockwood her battles in return.

I guess I don't really have a "moral to the story" or anything, but I found it very interesting how well they stuck to this word "defining" Lucy and how she tries to push away from it.

#sorry for the long post #lockwood and co #lockwood & co #lockwood & co spoilers #anthony lockwood #lucy carlyle #netflix lockwood and co #lockwood and co netflix #jonathan stroud #george karim #george cubbins

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hops-hunny · 4 years ago

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Stories That Are Told

Pairing: Tarrant “Hatter” Hightopp x Reader

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 2.2k

Summary: (Y/n)’s so used to being the background character in everyone’s story that she forget she can be the main character in her own.

Warnings: Slight angst but majority fluff!

A/N: I love this man with my whole being omg pls

Stumbling into Wonderland with Alice had been a wonderful thing for not only Alice, but (Y/n) as well. For Alice it was an escape from all the things she didn’t wanna do and would never wanna do. She wasn’t forced to marry some sod of a guy who’d make her miserable for the rest of her life or to be the proper lady she was expected to be, but instead she got a taste of freedom. And although it was an escape for (Y/n) as well, it was an escape of a different kind.

In the other world, with it’s dreary skies and monotonous patterns and cycles, (Y/n) lived a very humdrum life. Her family had never been as fortunate as Alice in any ways of the sorts, it was a miracle that they were friends to begin with. Alice’s father had been friends with (Y/n)’s since boyhood and because of that, he always made sure they knew they were welcome to anything of his that they wished. And while (Y/n)’s father had never taken advantage of that from the way Alice’s mother treated (Y/n) and her family, it wouldn’t be hard to think otherwise.

When Charles was still around, she hadn’t done anything out of line. The older woman always kept to herself, occasionally having an afternoon cup of tea with her own mom. However, her true colors and feelings came to light after the passing of her husband. During the next few months after her husband’s absence, the (L/n)s were there for Kingsleighs. Although they didn’t have the funds to help them monetarily (for they also didn’t need it), they offered their labor and services to the two as much as they needed. Farm work, house cleaning, garden maintenance. Anything you could think they had done. But as soon as Helen was well (as well as you could be after losing someone so dear) , she had forbid them from coming to their property. She didn’t believe her and Alice should associate with people of “such low stature” because it didn’t “align with their image”. But that had never stopped Alice.

Anywhere Alice went, (Y/n) was always there by her side right along with her. They practically went everywhere together and that hadn’t changed since they arrived in Wonderland. (Y/n) was grateful that she had chased after her friend. It was like she knew something would happen. Afterall, crazy things always happen when you put two curious girls together for more than a moment. The friends they had made since they arrived were nothing short of lovely. She knew her sister would describe them as odd characters and disturbing individuals. Telling her to stay far away from them and to not associate herself with those types. But what was wrong with being odd or even disturbing? The only things worth doing in life were a bit odd and disturbing and if that made her peculiar than so be it.

For the first time in her life, she felt as though she belonged. Sure, it wasn’t her story nor her destiny to be here as it was Alice but that did not mean she did not appreciate Wonderland for what it was. The story had never been her story, not here, and certainly not where they were from. Alice was the main chat and she was the topic that would get trickled in after.

“Everyone has a part to play, (Y/n). Even if it is not large or as set in stone, each person’s role is necessary for the story to progress, even yours. You’ll see.” the words of that tricky caterpillar replayed in her head over and over again whenever she had a moment to think. What had he meant by that? Was her story not more than to be here in support of her dearest friend and the latest edition to their friends? Was she not just a tool in the scheme of things? (Y/n) had never known people of lesser importance as herself to contribute much of anything big to a legacy as large as Alice’s!

From her end of the table, she watched as Hatter threw his hat high into the air before it landed on his head causing everyone to erupt in a jostled mess of laughter and cheering. She smiled fondly from a far. Tarrant was a kind man. No matter what was going on or where they were, he always had a way of making her feel included. That’s just who he was. He had known what it was like to feel excluded from things and the last thing he’d wanna do is be the cause of that for someone else. But it was nothing more than his nature, that’s it.

“You know, you should just tell him how you feel.” a velvety voice sounded from beside her ear causing her to jump. The (h/c) haired girl glared at the purple cat, reaching a hand to swat him away but he disappeared once more before appearing on her other side. “He watches you often, even when there is not many around to see. But I always do of course.” The Cheshire cat said in a sure tell tone. The girl scoffed at him, shoving another small pastry into her mouth.

“I’m not in the mood for one of your jokes today, cat. So if you’ve come to mock my feelings during my 2nd to last day in Wonderland, I wish you well and send you off.” she huffed out, crossing her arms across her chest, turning her gaze away from him back to Tarrant who was already looking at her. The Hatter gave her a secret wink and a smile before turning back to the March Hare who seemed rather frazzled about something. Or perhaps excited. But once again, the grinning cat appeared in front of her face once more.

“Silly girl, you ignore the plain truth in front of you? I can see why you and Alice get along so well, both of you can be quite foolish. Oh well, the story isn’t over yet after all.” and with that he was gone. What did he mean by that? The story was clearly over. Alice had done what she set out to do. The Jabberwocky had been slain, the White Queen ruled once again, and all had been made well. And what was with everyone with stories? Not everything you can do will always be a story and not every story comes to an end. She decided not to dwell much on it. This was her last night she’d ever spend in Wonderland and she’d rather like to keep it in good memory.

So when the White Queen offered her a hand to dance she took it, their dresses swaying in the wind in oppositional unison. They all danced with one another, twirling, laughing, and having a grand time. The entire time the smile never once left (Y/n)’s face which a certain hatted man enjoyed with all his being.

--------------------------------------------

“I can’t believe you’re leaving today. It seems as if it was only yesterday when you arrived.” the girl swiveled around to see the red head there, a bittersweet smile on his face. His smile grew once she turned to face him. Removing his hat, he bowed as he grabbed one of her hands placing a delicate kiss to the top of it. “I am delighted to have known a woman as graceful as you.” hot tears sprung into her eyes which she quickly got rid of before he stood up. Giggling some she hopped onto the large sit swing, motioning for him to join her.

“Don’t get sad yet, Hatter. I’ve still got a few hours left. You can’t rid of me that easily.” he joined her on the swing, a wide grin still on his face. Although it was partly real, she could tell there was some sadness lingering behind it. (Y/n) turned her gaze to the sight in front of them. From the large benched swing, you could see just about all of wonderland over the edge of the cliff. “Besides, there’s not much to miss. I’m just me.”

“And ‘just you’ is a lot! I’ll miss everything about you. The way you mimic the bird calls you hear, the way you get excited when the rock you skipped across the water goes further than you imagined,” she looked at him in shock as he continued to speak, “E-even the smaller things like how you leave the crust of your sandwich for last and give your crumbs to the ants. But I think more importantly I’ll...I’ll just miss your presence.” he said the last part softly, staring off the edge of the cliff to avoid her gaze. A million thoughts raced through her heads as he spoke. Could it really be? Could he really share the same feelings as she did? (Y/n) reached a shaky (s/c) hand to lay on top of Hatter’s pale one, intertwining their fingers.

“Hatter, I've got something to tell you. During my time here in Wonderland, I’ve enjoyed every second I’ve had with everyone. But more importantly, I’ve enjoyed my time so much with you and I believe it’s only fair to share with you that my feelings I have for you go beyond those of normal friendship. I guess you can say I’ve grown...quite mad for you.” his head whipped to face her as he stared into her eyes, tears welling within his own. He flashed her another smile except this one was genuine, filled with the love and warmth he had shown her the entirety of her time in Wonderland.

“(Y/n)! Alice sent me to fetch you. I’m afraid it’s time for the two of you to head back.”

-----------------------------

After a lot of shedded tears, heartfelt speeches, and goodbyes that were nothing short of wholesome, it was time for the two to head home. Alice patted (Y/n)’s shoulder before holding her arm out for her to grab. As they neared the portal, (Y/n) turned around once more to stare at her friends but when she got to Tarrant, her heart began to break. The gaze they held with one another was long until she simply couldn’t take it. Without thinking she ran up to him once more, grabbing his shoulders tightly.

“Hatter, Tarrant, I need to know how you feel. I couldn’t live with myself if I left and never knew.” he shook his head, looking away from her as he tried to stop the waterworks that were withheld behind the dam. Hot tears streamed down the delicate skin of the girl’s face. “Hatter...please.” her voice was broken as she begged.

“I believe I wasn’t honest myself either. I am completely enamored by you, my dear. I wish I had said something sooner but even though I couldn’t, I’ll always hold a special place for you in here.” he said, placing a hand over his heart. Standing on the tips of her toes, she leaned forward placing a quick peck to his cheek.

“What if it isn’t too late? What if I stayed?” she started, watching as he shook his head, “Hatter listen! You may think I’d regret if I stay but I think I would regret even more not following my heart the first time it’s ever tried to tell me something. Nothing would make me happier than staying here with you...that is if you’d allow it.” a silence fell over as everyone awaited his answer. Without another thought Hatter leaned down, pressing his lips to hers. The kiss was soft and sweet. Filled with a silent promise, a silent vow to care for her as deeply as his heart will allow.

“I do not know what I did to get so lucky, but I would do it again if needed.” she felt herself grow flustered at his words. A quick peck was placed on his lips before walking over to Alice once again. The blonde had tears of her own in her eyes. She was glad her friend had found something to fight for, something to call her own. But also for the first time in many years, they would not see each other everyday as they once did. They both stared at each other before throwing themselves into each other's arms, laughing in unison as bittersweet tears fell.

“Good luck. Make sure you put your foot down. You’re Alice! You listen to no one and march to no one’s drum but your own.” Alice gave her a curt nod.

“Take care. We’ll meet again, do not doubt it.”

Although Alice’s story had seemingly come to an end, it seemed as though (Y/n)’s story was just beginning. For once she wasn’t the side character in someone’s tale, but the main character in her own.

TAGSLIST: @de4ds0up @pink-hufflepuff @redpanda-poetry

#hatter #alice in wonderland #hatter x reader #tarrant hightopp #tarrant hightopp x reader #mad hatter x reader #alice in wonderland x reader #hatter hightopp x reader

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ineffably-human · 3 years ago

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So I was reading thoughts on The Curse in this post and I needed to word-vomit again, because The Curse isn't my Nandermo moment. But it is my Guillermo moment, and I know I've said some things about this before but just - the choice he's given in this episode wrecks me, the way The Wellness Center wrecks some people. Just kills me dead.

Guillermo at age 19 was this shy weird nerd with a macabre streak, never many friends, never belonged anywhere - and suddenly he had a chance to be the cool, powerful creature of his fantasies. It must have felt like he was chosen, like he received the hero's call to enter this amazing secret world.

But now he's pushing 30 and he's still waiting, and the people he's waiting for can be cruel. He's more of an outsider than ever, and any normal person would leave but he's not normal and the impossible is dangling right in front of him, it's so close he can hold its hand in the morning.

And then he finds out he's the freaking Chosen One, meant to destroy everything he loves and is disappointed by. The hero's call is using his hands to kill and sending assassins to his door, he can't get rid of it, it won't let him sleep. He's alone and bone-tired and none of them see what he's fighting off, none of them even think he's capable of it.

Then at a club of shy weird nerds, like a thousand shy weird nerds he's helped kill over the years, there's a ready-made life waiting for him. A different story, a different path, handed to him on a plate. People who have the resources and the passion and all he has to do is provide the skill. They like him, they already think he's cool and powerful. They'd probably forgive him, or at least they'd never have to know the truth; he could have real friends. He literally sees it as the universe throwing him in the direction of his destiny. 'This is who you are, this is what you're meant to do.'

And he says no.

And the universe goes 'aren't you just a little tempted? Maybe you should infiltrate them, just a little?' And then shoves him into a trial by fire, and says 'you either let these humans be food, it'd probably be easier for you, or you go and kill.' So Guillermo goes, because he hasn't lost his heart, his heart's what got him into this life in the first place. And he kills, and he metaphorically flips off every vampire who ever treated him like dirt as he backflips out the window. And he's good at it. And part of it probably feels good.

But he still says no.

Then he goes home, where no one cares that he's been out except for Nandor, and Nandor's a rude little asshole to him again. Because he felt vulnerable and that's how he reacts to being vulnerable. But then he truly opens up, for once. 'I know we're safe, because we defeated the curse, but I still feel afraid.' (No you didn't, Guillermo probably thinks, the curse is on me, it's here in the room with you.) 'I'm afraid of vampire killers. And I'd feel better if you stayed until I fell asleep.' The littlest sign of appreciation, of a thing Guillermo can do for someone who has dangled power in front of him for years, even though he has the power now to hurt him, or force his hand.

But he won't do that. Guillermo says no to destiny and yes to Nandor. He won't leave his side. Later to get closer to his goal, or to protect him, but not to betray him.

Because he cares more than he wants to hurt or bully. And he loves vampires - and Nandor - more than he hates what he's been denied. And having power and skill feels good - but whether he's made to be something, or do something, it's never going to be what he wants.

So the universe says 'okay, what if your destiny is the path to your dream?' and Guillermo decides he can work with that.

#wwdits #what we do in the shadows #nandermo #guillermo de la cruz #i am a meta gremlin

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sayulvr · 3 years ago

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# i cannot think of you apart from / love 🍇

━ pairing: druig x shapeshifter! eternal! reader

━ genre(s): angst to comfort, fluff, canon-typical violence

━ warnings: hurt/comfort, angst, brief description of body injuries, suicidal ideation (but nothing too graphic), flashbacks are in italics !

━ words: 3.4k

━ notes: the plot somehow got away from me and... here we are! likes, comments, and reblogs are greatly appreciated 🤍 may you enjoy this as much as i did when i wrote it !

“What? Now you’re making things up.” Unable to stop a grin from forming, you gently nudged him before pressing a peck on his nose. “I thought we already discussed that projecting is bad, hm?” You teased, placing a hand on his cheek ever so slightly. “Piss off,” Druig grumbles but leans into your touch, his searching gaze running over your face. Silence settles comfortably between the two of you; there were things he still wanted to say, wanted to do – but for now, he settled with having you in arms.

MESOPOTAMIA

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

You were flying - the breeze of the refreshing, afternoon air brushing against your feathers, and then the world was spinning, hearing the harsh whooshing in your ears; your winged appendages clamoring wildly for something, anything to hold onto. Panic arose in your chest and began to spread throughout and you gasped, before your body hit the forest floor with a sickening thud before your vision exploded into billions of colors.

You couldn’t see but you could hear ringing, and the faint murmurs belonging to a pair; a man and a woman, who seemed to be overjoyed at the prospect of capturing something. You could only guess that the pair was hunting and their catch was, well – you.

The land was recently swept with an extreme case of famine, which meant food and water were rare commodities. It was heartbreaking to see humans scrounging for their necessities while you and your fellow eternals simply watched as bystanders; having the abilities to help but being told not to interfere as it is not part of the ‘mission’.

Your fists were clenched tightly at your sides, the frown on your face deepening with each word. “You don’t understand! If I had helped those villagers, their farms wouldn’t have burned down and they wouldn't be starving right now!” You fired back, uncaring if your voice could be heard in another room. That doesn’t matter right now.

Ajak sighs. “I understand that your concern comes from a place of love,” she starts carefully, judging your expressions as she goes on. “But as Arishem had instructed us, we are to not interfere with human affairs–”

“No!” You cried out in frustration. Why couldn’t she understand? “I can’t just stand by and let these people– these children–” Your voice gets caught in your throat, tears beginning to prickle at the corner of your eyes. “I– I can hear them crying every night, Ajak, from the pain and–and–” A strangled whimper escapes your throat as the agonized cries of children, begging for their aches to be soothed, replayed over and over in your ears. “..I–I can’t do this.”

Ajak’s expression softened. She understands more than you know. “You can, I believe in you.” She tried to approach but you flinched away from her touch.

You shook your head, tears now pouring like a torrential downpour and your lungs constricted with each breath. It was suffocating. You turned on your heel and stormed out of the room, anywhere was better than staying there.

You can feel your friends’ curious, pitying gazes on you but you couldn’t bring yourself to care, you just wanted to leave.

Sersi approaches but was held back by Kingo. You noticed the agonized gaze gracing her features as you passed her by.

Why were you remembering this right now?

Too absorbed with your thoughts, you didn’t notice that you had run into someone. “Woah, watch where you’re–” Druig’s everpresent smirk was quick to turn into one of concern and worry, his hand reaching out to grasp your shoulder. “What happened, little one?” His voice was gentle, lulling you into his comfort. He would never admit it but seeing your face stained with tears was a sight he loathed. His other hand reaches forward, wiping away any tears that had fallen.

You could’ve said something, told him that it was fine and you just needed to be alone and he would have respected your wishes–but not this time. Instead, you leaned into his touch, letting his presence swallow your whole, letting the warmth of his touch mend your weary and aching soul. “..I’m tired, Druig.” You breathed out, so softly that if he wasn’t paying attention, he would have missed it.

Druig doesn’t say a word. Instead, he presses a tender kiss against your forehead before brushing his lips against your ear. “Come to my room, my love, and we’ll rest there for as long as you need.”

The memory fades into oblivion, transporting you back to your cruel reality - bleeding out to the ground. The humans – your attackers, were celebrating. But then their delighted voices quickly turned into panic-stricken cries as your body slowly morphed back to its human form.

Huh. You blearily thought, blinking as you tried to focus on the figures in front of you. Two misshapen silhouettes were turned to each other, their voices rising louder and louder– then silence.

What’s happening?

You let out a distressed cry as a burning, searing pain spreads throughout your body. This startles the humans, causing them to look in your direction. Your hand reaches out to them, hoping that they would at least help and bring you to their healer. Instead, the humans turned tail and ran as fast as they could; leaving you alone and vulnerable.

“No, pl– please,” You begged out softly but it was to no avail. They had vanished and there was nothing else you could do. Great, as if things could get any worse. With a grunt, you tried to move without pushing the arrows even further, “Wh– okay,” You gasped under your breath while continuing to move, successfully leaning yourself against a tree in a matter of minutes.

This was bad, very bad. You don’t know how far you are from your home and the sun was going to set in a few hours, so being stuck in an unfamiliar land with an arrow impaling your chest was making your chances worse. Shapeshifting was out of the question; you would run out of energy before even making it back to Domo. Even if you decide to take shelter and stay, there’s a risk of deviants stumbling upon you and you would have no chance of fighting back.

“Damn it all,” you grumbled, taking a glance at your torso as your vision began to slightly clear up. The arrow was buried up to its nock and with the slightest movement, you can feel its metal tip shifting inside your abdomen. “At least they had good aim,” You humorously laughed.

While weighing your choices, a twisted part of you was relieved – you could end it here and now, you could simply let yourself go and crawl into the hands of death with ease. It was a selfish choice, but the offer of being freed from the shackles of your responsibilities was tempting.

But then, you’d be leaving your family behind. You’d be leaving Druig, the love of your life, to pick up the pieces you had left in your wake. Were you so cruel as to condemn him to such fate?

You let Druig drag you to by your arm, navigating the long hallways of the Domo before arriving at his room. Both of you remained silent as you walked inside, the room lit aglow by a single candlelight; not exchanging any words even as he gently pried your armor off. He does the same to himself before guiding you to his bed, settling beside you before drawing the quilt over yourselves.

His arms sneaked its way around your waist and snuggled closer, his nose brushing against the crook of your neck as he sighed. “Better, my love?”

You placed your hand on his cheek, thumb tracing imaginary patterns before closing your eyes for a second and by the time you opened them, his eyes were staring into yours, regarding you with unwavering adoration and care.

A ghost of a smile tugged at the corner of your lips. “Much better, thank you, dearest.”

Druig nods, grabbing your hand and intertwining it with his before squeezing. “Good, now go sleep, I’ll be here when you wake.”

Your heart skips a beat at the memory but you vigorously shook your head again, trying to focus on the task at hand. With each passing second, your eyelids felt heavier and you had to move. “C- Come on, get up,” you cursed under your breath as your body leaned heavily against the tree.

You felt a prickle of electricity tingling from the tips of your fingers. It wasn't painful, but you could guess that your body was going into shock. All the more reason to move quickly – time was of the essence. With a tired sigh, you began moving towards the direction the humans ran. If you were lucky, you’d be able to catch Sersi before you passed out. After all, she was the one who spent the most time at villages

You had half a mind to curse the humans, to teach those who had shot you down from the sky, but you understood why they had resorted to these ways. Desperate times call for desperate measures. But maybe, if you had interfered earlier and helped out those who were suffering from famine, you wondered, would you still be in this position? Could it be, in some sick, sadistic way – the universe was punishing you for your sins? You knew that the humans were suffering and yet, you idly stood by; following Ajak’s strict and unchanging order. Do not interfere with human affairs.

A pained groan escapes you while you limped, using every tree in your direction as a way to stabilize yourself. This was only meant to be a short break – to take some fresh air because you couldn’t stand in the same room as Ajak yet, you needed more time before you two talked again.

A distant howl breaks you out of your thoughts as it echoed throughout the entire forest, its eerie sound prickling your skin with goosebumps. Deviants, you sourly thought; no matter how many of them you had fought, the sight of those monstrous beings always put an unsettling fear in your gut. You bit your bottom lip, trying to pay no heed to the waves of pain crashing over with each movement.

“Oh, Druig.” You whispered to no one in particular. The yearning to see him again grew steadily, strengthening your resolve to push on. If there’s even a slightest chance for you to survive this, to return home, to return to him – you are not going to waste it.

“How long were you going to watch me sleep, hm?” He asked as a smirk played across his lips, his eyes fluttering open – bright, blue eyes now staring back into yours. You simply shook your head and pressed your forehead against his, “well, how long were you planning to sleep?” You retorted with a grin.

He chuckles, his voice rumbling in his chest. “As long as I have you in my arms.” With that, he leisurely places a myriad of kisses from the corner of your eye, to your nose, to your cheek, until he has mapped out the entirety of your face with his touch.

You hummed, basking in the presence and affection of your lover. “...Thank you for last night, dearest.”

“For what exactly, my love?” Druig curiously asks as he pulls away, head slightly tilting to the side.

“.. For being there when I’m breaking at the seams.”

No villages, no people, and no eternals. This entire time, you were clinging on the slimmer of hope you had - for as long as the sun was up, there was a chance. And yet, as the sun disappeared into the horizon, you felt your hope disappear with it, too. It was hard not to let the overwhelming sense of hopelessness overcome you.

With only the moon as your guide, it was difficult to navigate through the winding paths of the forest. “Stupid, stupid! I should’ve just followed Sprite, I should have never gone on that flight,” You whined in annoyance before wrapping your arms around yourself, hands rubbing your arms to create warmth. “Or went patrolling with Thena, that would have been more productive,”

The rest of the walk was spent in silence; reserving some of your energy if possible, your eyes straining as you warily glanced behind every now and again–digging for any sign of movement, twisting and turning to avoid branches and leaves. “Never leaving Domo after this,” you hissed, leaning against a tree to rest. “Or flying, flying is off the list too.”

Rustling snaps your eyes wide-open, staring at the direction of trembling bushes. Your breath is caught in your throat and suddenly, you couldn’t breathe; dread twisting in your gut,

Whatever was in there, it was coming towards you.

Shapes rumbled out of the bush, revealing two bear cubs playfully wrestling. ‘Not yet,’ you thought, looking past the cubs to look for its mother. “Awh, where are your parents, little ones?” You cooed yet unmoving from your position, watching. Wait. Your eyes squinted, there was something odd about the cubs - something that you couldn’t exactly point at.

Oh.

Your body went cold with terror.

“Shit–” You turned, just in time for a deviant swinging its claw at you, hitting you across the side of your neck. The deviant’s razor claws tore into your throat, the force sending you flying through the air and slamming into a thick tree, violently knocking the air out of your lungs.

The deviant lets out a massive roar, disturbing the crows that were perched upon the trees and sending them flying, before it charged at you with reckless abandon.

A pained cry escapes from you, desperately trying to gain your bearings before the monster reaches you. Your ears were ringing with a pitch nearly deafening; wheezing with every intake of breath. Faintly, you could taste blood in your mouth.

Is this how you meet your end?

“No!” The word fell from your lips at the same time as you shifted, your right arm morphing into an unsightly talon and burying it in the deviant’s torso as it pounces you, deaf to its screeching cry. It thrashed in your hold; sinking its jaws on your shoulder, and you screamed in agony, responding with equal ferocity by pushing your claw in even further – its blood oozing and splattering all over. By the time the deviant had ceased struggling, your entire upper body was painted in a smatter of its blood and yours.

You heaved with each intake of air, the stench of your blood and the deviant’s was putrid, overwhelming your senses. Everything hurts. Gingerly pulling your arm out, the deviant's corpse collapsed beside you. “..H– Help me.” With a whimper, you clenched your eyes close, shivering; unable to stop a tear from falling.

This was it, you were going to die.

Exhausting gnawed at your bones; spreading throughout your body and tearing out the last of your strength. You turned and failed, limbs growing limp and heavy and everything was so loud, even your own breathing sounded too harsh. The last thing you witnessed before your vision was swallowed by darkness was a figure with hair the color of the sun, fear etched in her features.

–

Somewhere in the distance, you heard shouting. Their words incoherent and blurring together, but there was dread in their voices, panicked urgency vividly clear to you. Your body shifted slightly, pairs of hands pressing against your chest before something was pulled out from your side, and there it was again, the screaming, but this time, it was accompanied by a wetness, as if the source of the horrible sound was crying.

Please don’t cry, I’m okay. You tried to say but your lips wouldn’t move, the familiarity of the distressed voice felt like a dagger stabbing your heart. Every fiber of your being wanted to reach out, wanted to comfort whoever was suffering. What’s wrong? What’s happening to me?

There was a strange miasma in the air, like rotten flesh burning. Eugh. You wrinkled your nose in distaste, eyes opening by a fraction; your vision was blurred and even the dimmed lights of the room felt almost blinding, an unpleasant twinge settling behind your lids. “Whe’r am I?” You slurred, weakened and winded.

A sea of faces were above you and yet, you couldn’t recognize anyone.

“They’re waking up!” Someone shouted urgently, promptly replied with a chorus of hushes.

“Everyone out, I need to be alone for this–”

“I’m staying.”

“Druig, we understand that you are worried, but you need to–”

“No. It’s either I’ll stay or you’re going to have to pry my cold, dead body away from them.”

“This is not the time to be fighting!” Someone argued, clearly frustrated–you figured that it was Sersi.

“Everyone out! I can’t treat them if everyone is hovering over me,” that sounded like Ajak, you could almost imagine the look on her face.

There was a sound of footsteps filing out of the room, then silence. “Wha’s h’ppnin?” You tried to ask again, trying to ignore the rising terror in your chest.

“Nothing, ‘luv. You will be fine.” A hand is placed on your cheek, trembling. “Listen–you can do this, alright? You are strong, far stronger than you give yourself credit for,” the voice continued, “you’ll survive this, you hear me?” There was a distinct tenseness to its softness, as if it was trying to convince itself instead of you.

You blearily nodded, eyes narrowing as you fixated on the figure above you, trying to recognize who it was. “.. I w–will, I’ll come back, a– and.. And I’ll…” You placed your hand on top of his, squeezing, “I’ll come b– back for you, Druig.” You whispered before your consciousness slipped away.

—

“Rest for as long as you need, doesn’t matter if it takes a long time, and when you can, come back to me.”

Your vision was blurred the moment you managed to open it, blinded by the sunlight seeping through the drapes. Blink. Your eyes burned, struggling to adjust to its surroundings and begged to be closed again. Blink. Yet, you didn’t. Instead, you stared up at the ceiling; focusing until you could see the intricate, gold markings on it.

Your mind was reeling, still in the process of waking up but you recognized the room; the mismatched drapes, stacks of neatly piled books on the floor, a basket filled with delicacies from a distant province– you were in his room. Druig’s. It was a view only you were fortunate enough to witness.

The bed you were resting in had a small mountain of blankets, no doubt coming from his own collection, tucked up to your chin to ensure that your body remains warm. Has he always been this worried? Your head turned slightly, only then had you noticed Druig beside you, sleeping with his head resting on his arms. Gods, he was gorgeous– but there was an obvious discomfort marring his face. You hated that.

“Druig,” you tried to say, but your hoarse voice prevented you from saying anything above a whisper. But it was enough to jolt him awake.

He instantly jerks upright, eyes widened for a mere second before he looks at you. “Oh, you–,” relief draws a quivering breath from him, not hesitating to throw his arms around your waist and hold you. “You’re awake,” he whispers against your skin. “For a second, I thought you would’ve– Thena said you were barely breathing by the time she found you, and I almost lost my mind.” His voice gradually softened, he parted his lips again before closing them again, letting the unspoken words die on his tongue.

“I’m sorry.” You shook your head and held him tightly, a shaky sigh escaping you. He must’ve worried himself sick while you were unconscious. “I didn’t expect that it would come to this,” Fingers carefully threading through his hair, you asked, “how was…everyone? Hopefully I didn’t give anyone a heart attack.”

Druig scoffed, you couldn’t see his face but you imagined he was rolling his eyes. “I believe a heart attack was an understatement, dove. Sersi looked like she was moments away from a breakdown, Thena was furious–she blamed herself for not noticing the deviant, and Phastos? You should’ve seen him, his face was full of snot.”

“Piss off.” Druig grumbles but leans into your touch, his searching gaze running over your face. Silence settles comfortably between the two of you; there were things he still wanted to say, wanted to do – but for now, he settled with having you in arms.

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