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farfromstrange · 7 months

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Do No Harm

CHAPTER TWO: Imposter Syndrome

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Pairing: Matt Murdock x F!Reader

Summary: You've been trying your hardest to focus on your work, but there is something else that is bothering you. Claire decides to give you a call and check up on you. It seems like both of you are keeping secrets of your own, and then there is this handsome lawyer who refuses to leave your mind after he quite literally burst your little bubble of solitude...

Warnings for this chapter: Slight angst, mentions of domestic violence, Reader's POV, use of reader's fake name

Word Count: 4.3k

A/n: It took me a few tries to finish this chapter because I couldn't, for the life of me, settle on a plot, but I think I've got it figured out now. I didn't do the classic "this scene from another POV", I switched it up a bit, so what happened in chapter one isn't repeated word for word. I think it flows better like this. I hope you guys like it, and thank you for your support so far! I really appreciate it.

Read Chapter 2: Imposter Syndrome on AO3.

The human body holds up to six liters of blood. Without saline or a blood transfusion, losing more than two liters can be fatal—and every drop lost after that decreases your chance of survival. A paper cut won’t kill you, but a gunshot wound might. It’s a simple equation that doesn’t require a medical degree to solve.

If the human body experiences trauma though, everything is on the line. A nicked vessel or artery can lead to a bloodbath. Trauma to any of the major organs can lead to internal bleeding and cause the body to suffer fatal consequences. You could lose too much blood too fast, or the blood could travel to your brain, and you could herniate.

Depending on the place of injury, trauma can lead to a large number of complications that are therefore a threat to life. But it’s not just blood that the human body needs to survive; oxygen is another vital player in the game against time. Without it, the brain dies, and if the brain is dead, there is nothing anyone can do to bring you back.

Many things could kill a human being, and many complications could occur in a split second, and that makes trauma an unpredictable event.

Your fingers instantly stop moving over the keys of your computer when the black phone on your desk starts screaming. At first, your eyes switch to your phone, but you have any non-emergent calls silenced. That explains it.

You flinch. You suddenly become painfully aware of the city’s lights shining on you from behind, the blue light of your laptop illuminating your face and causing your pupils to shrink, and the bulb in your desk lamp that is flickering every so often, reminding you that you need to switch it sometime soon.

You pinch the bridge of your nose, then press the acceptance button. You answer the phone. “This is Doctor Clarke at Metro General,” you say. “How can I help you?”

“Jesus,” the familiar voice reaches your ears, and you let out an almost annoyed sigh. “You sound like hell,” Claire answers.

“And you don’t sound sick,” you retort.

You aren’t sure what to make of her sudden mystery illness, or why she didn’t tell you and you had to find out from the hospital administrator who was losing it over the fact that her favorite nurse called out sick that morning.

The phone goes silent for a short moment before she says, “It’s complicated.”

“Hey, we all need sick days sometimes,” you shrug. “Just took us all by surprise, is all.”

“Are you trying to turn this around on me so we won’t have to talk about you?”

Your lips part in a dry chuckle. “Is this about me?” you ask, even though you know very well that it is. You’re the one trying to deflect.

“You silenced your phone.”

With another sigh, you push the stack of papers you’ve been working on aside and take the next folder from the pile. “I’m fine.” You hold the X-ray picture up to the light, squinting your eyes. “Just... splendid, yeah. You want me to do a psych eval? Urine sample? My social security number?”

You can physically hear her roll her eyes at your comment. “Can’t I just be worried about you without you taking it like a personal attack?”

It’s a loaded, rhetorical question asked in a tone that you are more than familiar with. It is a train wreck waiting to happen, but Claire is your friend—a very caring friend, too—and she hardly ever lets loose when she wants to know something.

She knows you better than anyone, after all. She knows everything, even the parts you swore to never talk about again—parts you swore you would take to the grave.

That is the purpose of a new life, isn’t it? Forgetting the past ever happened, then moving on? If that could actually heal trauma, life would be so much easier. Unfortunately, denial tends to make the wounds bleed faster. You will die faster if you keep it all bottled up, but it’s easier said than done when it comes to reality. Sometimes, denial is the only luxury you can afford for yourself, even if it slowly kills you.

You have seen your fair share of traumatic injuries pass in and out of the emergency room over the years. Not just physically but mentally as well. There is only a small margin of error in an even smaller time frame in which traumatic injuries can be treated without lifelong consequences. The scars though, they remain forever.

“Look,” Claire continues softly, “I’m worried about you. I know you hate talking about yourself, but every once in a while, I have to make sure you’re alright and not... falling apart or something.”

You swallow thickly, the lump slowly starting to hurt your esophagus. “Why would I be falling apart?” you question, but your voice no longer has the same level of conviction in it.

Feigned confidence doesn’t go a very long way, you’ve noticed. You can’t stand your ground when you don’t believe in where you’re standing.

“A little birdy told me you had a bad day. That’s why.”

In the halls of a hospital—any hospital—word travels faster than lightning. You roll your eyes, but you don’t know what to say. She isn’t wrong. You did have a bad day. Your blood is still boiling. Everything in you feels a hundred pounds heavier. You may not be falling apart because there is not much of a foundation left to fall apart, but the feeling is eerily similar.

You used to be a beloved surgeon at a prestigious hospital for all five years of your residency, but with each year that passed, what had once been just a spark turned into gigantic flames that slowly began torching your skin. They burned your flesh and dragged it down to your fragile bones. Your body went into shock over the years. You became septic. And it almost killed you, too.

Your heart froze in place before it miserably cracked. It didn’t take long before the inferno took over every last crevice of your life. It burnt out everything that was remotely good for you. You were so dependent on something—someone—that was slowly poisoning you.

You ran for months. You moved from State to State, you changed your name and your whole identity twice. You tried everything to get away, but your demons kept haunting you. The distance between you and your old life grew bigger until eventually, you reached the other side of the country, hundreds of miles from the hell you escaped from. There was nothing left in your past to exist for, so you became someone else. You lost yourself and gained a stranger’s identity in return. Someone who wasn’t scarred from a battle that she almost fully lost.

You thought it would be easy to pretend to be someone else, someone without the same wounds that have been inflicted on you, but that turned out to be the wrong thing to believe.

Claire’s voice rings out again. “What’s going on with you, Liv?” she asks.

You’re not really present at the moment, but this time, you hear her.

You shake your head. “Nothing.” It’s a blatant lie, but it rolls over your tongue so easily, you are tempted to believe it yourself before your friend even can.

“You keep zoning out,” she says. “You’re not helping your case.”

“It’s been a long day, that’s all. What’s going on with you?”

Her lips part in a soft exhale. You hit the nail right on the head. “Nothing’s going on with me. I just had to take a sick day. Migraines, you know? I get them sometimes.”

You don’t buy it. Her voice sounds strained, but more like she is forcing herself to sound sicker than she is. Not that you are allowed to judge, it simply strikes you as odd, considering that she isn’t usually like this, and it makes you wonder what else she is keeping from you.

A pregnant pause follows. “I heard about the girl,” Claire says then, changing the subject. You’re both way too good at that. You’re hypocrites.

“Annie,” you cut her off. “Her name’s—was Annie.”

You keep replaying it over and over in your mind. From the moment you received the page to the ER to the little girl landing on your operating table, you retrace all of your steps. You rethink every decision you made, every uttered order, every cut, and every stitch. Every time you do, you come up empty.

Annie was six years old. She got hit by an oncoming car. It was a gruesome sight, but you kept telling yourself that it could have been worse. She was stabilizing when you took her to the operating room. All the tests suggested that controlling the damage could buy some valuable time for the specialists to do their jobs. In your mind, the path was clear to a full recovery.

Everything you did to save her life ended up doing absolutely nothing.

It elicited a feeling that you are more than used to—inadequacy. You know that it is utterly selfish to think that way; this isn’t even about you. The feeling wraps like a noose around your heart, but you can’t allow yourself to make this about you. You’re not that type of person.

Claire takes your silence as an answer. “I logged into the hospital server and took a look at the X-rays,” she says. “That aortic tear was irreparable, as much for you as it would’ve been for the world’s best cardiothoracic surgeon. This wasn’t your fault.”

Your throat tightens. “You don’t know that,” you argue. “I could have caught it earlier. I could’ve… I could’ve done something.”

“No, Liv, you couldn’t have. But I think you know that.”

You search the depths of your mind for the right words to say, but you come up with none. “Who blabbed, anyway?” you ask.

In this case, though, the question is, who didn’t? Everyone must have heard about Annie by now, and the people around you care too much. It was bound to reach Claire’s ears eventually. You just didn’t think it would happen so soon.

Claire holds off on her answer for a moment. “Doesn’t matter,” she answers. It’s the kindest choice. “What matters is that you can’t beat yourself up for something that wasn’t your fault.” Her voice suggests that she’s smiling.

“I…I’m fine,” you lie.

“I know you’re not.”

“You’re the one who called in sick but clearly isn’t. You don’t see me bugging you about it.”

That shuts her up for a moment. “This isn’t about me,” Claire tries to talk herself out of it, but you see right through her.

“Are you sure?” you ask.

“I—” She sighs. “I promise you, if there was something going on, I’d tell you.”

You should return the sentiment. You should tell her what you’re really thinking, but you’re mute. When it comes to your own feelings, all words in the English dictionary elude you.

Still, the feeling that Claire is lying to you keeps eating away at you. She has no reason to. Or maybe she has, but it’s none of your business. You’re curious, maybe a little worried, but you can’t expect her to tell you every little thing about her life and then refuse to do the same because you can’t possibly ask for help with something you don’t even understand yourself.

You’re miserable enough as it is. You would rather suffer through it alone than bother her with your chronic overthinking and the fear of failure.

“I’m still cat-sitting for Jenny,” she breaks you out of your thoughts.

You chuckle slightly. “But you’re allergic to cats,” you say.

“I know, but…” She stops herself. “The point is, I still have an almost full bottle of white wine in the fridge and there’s this deliciously cheap pizza place around the corner. Their breadsticks are to die for, trust me. You could come over after your shift and we could look after that stupid cat together. Maybe. Just until we both feel better.”

Until you both feel better. You feel like it would take more than wine and pizza to make you feel better.

You need to sulk. You need to marinate in your misery. That way, you can suck it up and be better next time. Everything else seems like too much of a waste of time.

You shatter what little hope she had about you agreeing to her offer like a full wine glass on a white cloth, sure to leave stains. Your hand momentarily motions toward the stack of paperwork, but then you remember that she can’t see over the phone. “I wish I could,” you say, “but I have to finish my surgical reports by tomorrow.”

Claire nods slowly. “Are you sure it’s the paperwork?”

“I promise.”

She accepts defeat. She can’t change your mind. You’re stubborn, determined, and a pain in the ass most of the time. She still loves you, but she has long given up on forcing you out of your shell.

Sometimes, which is more often than not, you prefer to be miserable because you have no idea how to be anything else.

“Well, I tried. So… at least call me if you need anything,” she says.

You offer her a smile, but it doesn’t quite reach your eyes. You’re tired. Your heart is pounding from all the caffeine and the frustration of the unknown. You have paperwork. As long as you have paperwork, you’re occupied. It’s as good a reason to avoid talking about anything that could be considered even remotely personal.

“Thank you, Claire. For everything,” your voice is barely above a whisper. “Take care of yourself. I’ll talk to you later.”

You hate that you’re like this, but you can’t change who you are now or what all those years of suffering have made out of you. You can’t change the fact that underneath Olivia Clarke, it is not who you are. And it will never be who you are because her identity is a fraud.

You may have escaped the worst time of your life and traded it for a fresh start, but that doesn’t take away the paralyzing fear that still sits deep in your bones, making it impossible for you to sleep at night. It may be a fresh start to a new life, but the slate is far from clean. There are bloodstains that you can’t get out. Stains that will haunt you forever.

Every day and every night that you spend at the hospital, you’re reminded of the terrible past that threatens to overshadow your future whenever you set foot outside. Your name may be Olivia Clarke, but that will never be your real name, no matter how badly you try to pretend it to be. And on some days, it breaks you just a little more when you fail at the one thing you have always excelled at. The one thing you have dedicated your life to. To do something good, to be worth something, and to prove the cruel monsters in your mind wrong about their assessment of you.

You don’t want to be a coward. You don’t want to be weak. You don’t want to be dependent on anything or anyone ever again. You forgot how to be happy. You became someone you’re not because the person you used to be was broken by someone she thought she could trust.

He took everything from you, and he took all that you are. Olivia was never taken advantage of.

Claire saved your life. She knows the truth, but facts aren’t enough. She’s your only support system, the only one who knows who you truly are, deep down, and yet she knows nothing at all.

Long after you’ve hung up the phone, you start wandering the halls of Metro General. You haven’t quite figured out what you’re looking for yet. You want to be alone. You want to be not needed. You want to exist somewhere that isn’t here. And you don’t want to be found, just for a little while.

When you get settled on an empty bed in one of internal medicine’s abandoned hallways that had to be emptied after severe budget cuts affected the hospital, the tears start pouring out without warning. You barely manage to stifle the sobs that slip past your lips. You hate crying. You used to believe that it was a sign of weakness, but tears have become as much of a partner in crime to you as the pain has.

It’s not as easy as it used to be to hold all of those treacherous feelings in—feelings you don’t even understand yourself—and that makes you hate yourself enough to cry even harder. Because you try, try, and you try even harder as you give all of yourself over and over again to be someone you never thought you would turn into, and still, you find yourself failing more times than you could possibly count.

Your life ended when you met the man who ruined you; ever since then, you have only been a shell of the person you used to be, and there is seemingly nothing you can do about it other than accept that Olivia Clarke is who you are now, and she is all you can be.

You didn’t expect another lonely soul in need of an escape to find his way to your little haven. This hallway isn’t even on the hospital map anymore, but he still somehow found his way here.

Your eyes switch to his cane, the red glasses, and the way he so awkwardly carries himself when he seems to realize that he, in fact, isn’t alone. You know that feeling of instant disappointment all too well, and he just caught you crying, which only makes matters worse.

After the initial awkwardness has dissipated and you get to talking, you take a moment to appreciate him. His name is Matthew. He is a defense attorney. He is unlike any man you’ve ever met before. You’re cautious when it comes to new people, but there is something almost calm about him. He’s funny, charming, and he’s respectful. He made you feel comfortable from the start.

There is a mystery surrounding him. You know all about mysteries. They draw you in. They make you feel less alone in a way. He is the biggest one you have encountered so far.

People tend to consider you an enigma, too. Most of them are wary of you because you barely share anything about yourself. You’re still learning, even after two years, to be someone new. You’re constantly reinventing yourself because all you were before is gone now. You lost yourself in the fire. So, most people you meet don’t talk much when they do; you’ve gotten used to having only one friend. It keeps your identity safe, as guarded as you are. It’s the safest bet for everyone involved—or everyone not involved.

Matthew is different. He seems genuinely curious, but he doesn’t pry. And that makes you open yourself up to him, even if it is just your body language. He’s sitting right next to you, his calm voice like a gentle symphony in your ear. He serenades you every time he speaks. That is a dangerous quality. He’s an attractive man, and you can’t keep your eyes off of him. You can’t stop listening. He’s like a work of art—a damaged work of art.

The man before you is broken and bruised. That’s what makes him so mysterious. The hesitation you showed when he introduced himself, indirectly asking for a piece of you in return, shows when you ask about his injuries.

You have seen all kinds of injuries, including those on a blind man who fell down the stairs. Matthew doesn’t fit the profile, and that only makes him more mysterious and therefore more interesting to you.

You have to stop yourself before you ask too many questions. You don’t want to push him away, but you also can’t draw him in. You can be nice, but that is as far as you are willing to go. You hold your walls so high that no one can break through them, no matter how fascinating or attractive they are.

Matthew is a dangerous man because he makes you feel things that you have long told yourself never to feel again. But it’s hard when he makes it so easy to like him.

You patch him up. It’s not just professional courtesy; he seems like he desperately needs someone to look after him. You are being nice to him, that is all. You keep telling yourself the same thing.

You’re still disappointed when you get paged to the emergency room and you have to leave him behind. The chances that you will see him again are low, and they shrink to zero when you return to the hallway four hours later and find it dark and empty again. The plastic packaging of the bandages you used on him is still lying around, but that is all that is left of him. All you have is a memory of a very unexpected encounter that will probably never occur again.

But maybe that isn’t such a bad thing, after all. At least like this, you can’t make the mistake of falling for a guy claiming to be nice. At least like this, you can keep your fragile and already broken heart safe from enduring the same kind of pain ever again.

You pass the nurse’s station in the emergency room on your way out. Dropping the chart of your last patient on the counter, you wish everyone a good night.

“Liv, before you leave–” One of the senior nurses stops you dead in your tracks, “Someone left a card for you,” she says.

You turn around, frowning at her. “A card?” you ask. “Who did?”

Her lips curl into a mischievous smile. “Handsome fella. And he had good manners.”

Your mind reels. There are only a handful of people that would fit that description. Every time someone leaves something behind for you, your first response is to panic. Your blood pressure spikes. You can feel your heart beating up to your throat and your vision blurs. You’re not a fan of the suspense or knowing grins, and it’s obvious.

The nurse’s smile fades and she rummages through the stack of papers next to the computer. “He only knew your first name and his blindness made it a bit harder to figure out who he was talking about, but thankfully we only have one excellent trauma surgeon named Olivia,” she says, her eyes still twinkling. She can’t help it.

You let out an audible exhale. Your body relaxes. Your heart rate slows down. You can finally see her clearly again, and she slides the card across the counter for you to take. You want to apologize for the hostility, but her face tells you that she understands.

The next time your heart starts beating faster, it isn’t out of panic. You look down at the names on the card and the distinctive number on the back, and your brain releases a sudden rush of dopamine. It’s late, you’re tired, but somehow this little gesture puts a surprising smile on your face.

You shouldn’t be as excited as you are. Your plan for this evening has been tossed far out of the window in an instant.

“So,” the nurse asks, “who is he? A patient? A friend?” She wiggles her eyebrows. “A guy from Hinge?”

You shake your head. “Just… a guy I met,” you answer.

If he were an official patient, this would be highly unethical and you would have to toss his number into the nearest trash can.

The blood has permanently settled into your cheeks. You’re not usually the kind of person who blushes. It’s infuriating.

With a chuckle, she leans over. “Well, either way, the guy was smoking. Said you should give him a call. I hope for your sake that you do.”

You keep twisting and turning the card. “What else did he say?”

“Not much. Just said that I should give this to you and that you should call him if you want. You must’ve made quite the impression.”

Your teeth dig into your bottom lip. You would’ve never suspected this. You are essentially still a stranger to him, and he still left you his number. He wants you to call him.

It makes no sense, and yet it flatters you like nothing has in quite a while.

You let out a soft sigh before stuffing the card into the pocket of your coat. Looking up, you meet the nurse’s curious eyes.

Your mind is taking its time to process your thoughts and the feelings connected to your thoughts.

She chuckles at the bewildered look in your eyes. You must look like a fool. “Where does one meet a specimen like that anyway, if you don’t mind me asking?” she says. “‘Cause I desperately need me one of those.”

A beat of silence follows. Then, you wet your lips and answer, “Abandoned hallways. Way more effective than Hinge, apparently.”

The subtle joke makes her laugh. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

You put in the effort to fake a smile with your nod. “Well, thank you,” you say. “You guys have a good shift. If you need anything, page me.”

“Will do,” she says. The other nurses nod. Of course, they listened in on your conversation.

With another small wave in their general direction, you make your way outside into the cool night air. You retrieve the business card from your coat, your eyes roaming over the names carefully printed on it, and the Braille that has been added for obvious reasons.

Nelson & Murdock. Attorneys at law.

From what he told you, this is probably the only somewhat expensive thing he and his partner afforded for a semi-successful marketing plan for their practice. It almost makes you chuckle.

Matt Murdock is a very fascinating man, though as you stare at the card and the number on the back you can’t help but feel a slight hint of unease bubble up in your chest, and you ask yourself, what did you get yourself into?

Tag List: @shiorimakibawrites @allllium @siampie @auroraslibrary @roseallisonparker @abucketofweird @thatonegamefish @capylore @kniselle @sumo-b98 @peachstarliight @danzer8705 @kakamixo @littlehappyperson

#matt murdock #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock x f!reader #matt murdock angst #daredevil #matt murdock x you #daredevil x reader #matt murdock fluff #reader insert #matt murdock fic #doctor!reader #medical drama #matt murdock imagines #charlie cox #do no harm

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oneinterests · 15 days

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Hi! i really wanted to make a post describing all of my favorite books (especially since i just reorganized my bookshelf to get one whole shelf for all of my all time favorites) They’re all technically in order from “least” favorite to absolute favorites :D

8: The Golden Compass- This was one of my favorite books/movies as a kid. I wanted my own alethiometer so bad and from what i remember i actually tried making my own with paper. Rereading it again now that i’m older made me feel very nostalgic, and it’ll always hold a special place in my heart :) also the scene where Lyra eats a seal kidney raw is burned into my mind 10/10 i love the weird gory moments in this book.

7: The Subtle Knife- i never knew that The Golden compass had a sequel until a classmate asked me my favorite book- and when i said The Golden Compass he asked me if i liked the other two books. I was so shocked and for some reason never thought they would have a second book out. I really enjoyed this one, and the deaths physically made me put down the book. I 100% need to reread this one again.

6: Bluebird- From what i can remember, this was recommended to me as a Gardians of the Galaxy type adventure with a lesbian main character fighting against oppressive governments. I really enjoyed the story and the characters developments throughout it, and i should really reread it again :)

5: The Salt Grows Heavy- I finished this one in about two hours? it’s a quick and gory read that’s basically about characters from a very fucked up horror fairytale. A mermaid traveling after destroying her now deceased husbands kingdom, and a frankensteins monster like creature being haunted by their past. i love the descriptions of the two main characters and the horror is so so good. if you don’t like flowery writing (i think that’s what it’s called lol) you probably won’t like this one. i love complicated writing, especially if it’s in a novella.

4: This is How You Lose the Time War- Speaking of flowery writing, this one is basically poetry with how in depth the authors go into their writing. Two agents named Red and Blue fight on opposing sides of The Time War. This book really just throws you right into the deep end and it’s really a sink or swim type of read. I love books that make you think or ones you have to reread multiple times to appreciate everything fully :)

3: The Spirit Bates its Teeth- How do i even explain how much i love this one. It’s so horrifying but so hopeful at the same time? Meeting Daphne for the first time made me cry, she’s one of my favorite characters in the book. So many trigger warnings for this one, i thought i was ready but i had to take a break part way through reading it. So worth it though.

2: The Entire Murderbot Series (Seven books so far, and i literally cant rank them)- Quite literally one of two of my most favorite series of all time. It’s very Sci-Fi, with a self proclaimed Murderbot grudgingly saving its humans and figuring out what it wants to do after breaking free of its governor module. All of the characters are LGBTQ+, and there’s multiple polyam characters :D The only downfall is how expensive the books are, and 90% of them are novellas. I believe when i bought the first book it was $15? But i personally think it makes up for the price since i have reread them all at least four times now :)

1. The locked tomb series. (1-Nona, 2-Gideon, 3-Harrow to be specific) :D

I physically can’t describe how much i love this book series. I’m planning on getting a tattoo of one of the quotes in GTN after Alecto drops. They’re absolutely insane books, with random meme references sprinkled in. (“None Houses with left grief.” fucking threw me for a loop when i first read it) They are absolutely books you have to read multiple times to understand- the first pages in GTN took me three months to get through because i didn’t understand half of what was going on. But as soon as it clicked i flew through it and finished the book in under a week. Nona is my absolute favorite, and i annotated the shit out of my paperback copy. (Which i might make a separate post about… because i have literally no one to talk about these books with lol)

(Also yes. I do have two copies of each book… i bought the first two as paperbacks first, and the third one only had the hardcover available. I wanted a full set of matching books after reading them all, especially because i wanted to make a mini shrine for them on my shelf. i can’t wait for Alecto to come out.)

and that’s all of them so far!! i still have 39 books on my TBR shelf, so i might update this list whenever i add to it! :)

#the locked tomb #tlt #the murderbot diaries #tmbd #i’m just going to tag those two for now lol #books #onesbooklist #booktalk

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shootingstarrfish · 3 months

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Hi I wanted to ask one of my fav obey me artists this question: Least favorite to favorite characters? If you wanna say why, that'd be cool. If anything! Please have a nice day!

hii there!!! dearest anon stop being so nice you're going to make me cry AHSHDHD thank you,,, <33333

but what a fun question! for anyone who doesn't want to read my stupid long explanation for each character i will leave this tierlist here! all tiers (except the first tier) are organised by most to least liked within the tier from left to right

no i dont hate lucifer, it's just facebook relationship status (aka complicated <3)

i have plenty of opinions though so i'll go ahead and give some explanations too!! >:D under the cut because there's a lot of rambling here LOL

some of the list is a bit boring because i cant really say i hate or even dislike any characters, and i don't wanna be mean about any characters just cause they're not necessarily my favourites so!

that being said lucifer pisses me off to a comical degree and he absolutely doesn't belong at the bottom but my feelings about him are so ridiculously complicated i don't know where else he belongs? i wish so badly that i could hate him in an uncomplicated way and move on but as an eldest sibling he's such a personal attack on me and i hate it. he's me, i'm him it's horrible. every time i start to think "ahh he's not that bad" he opens his mouth and makes me regret thinking that. i still think about the time i chose to kiss him on the ferris wheel and he held his hand out after and i took it and he said it reminded him of his dead sister, i will never stop holding it against him. he deserves to be loved and taken care of and he also should be thrown off a cliff. im quite certain if i had to assign myself a sin i would pick pride and i hate it >:( (this is all very lighthearted lol)

diavolo used to viscerally annoy me for no good reason when i first started the game, but over time he's grown on me and i'd say now i'm neutral-positive on him!! no idea why i hated him, i was just very salty for no reason hahaha i've recently come to appreciate his character a lot more, im very :( about how lonely he must be and i want him to have more genuine friends please solmare

i think mephisto really is just the kind of character i need to see more of to like, he's very interesting to read character analyses of (and kinda relatable tbh?) but i just need more in game is all! i love his silly lil poses those are real fun, and he is pretty

levi is another i also used to hate out of nowhere? i was neutral on him initially and then i suddenly hated him with a burning passion until one of my friends told me she really loved him and im physically incapable of hating a character my friends love so we're chill again HAHA slowly beginning to like him though! what a pathetic sopping wet cat of a man, it's GREAT

OUUGHH i so badly wanna be able to love beel more, it hurts me to have to put him here but unfortunately this is the way it is... i think it's more accurate to say i love the idea of beel? and ive noticed i really like him everywhere that isnt the game, which again is unfortunate :,)))

LUKE IS MY SON he is babyyyyyyy that's all i have to say <333 my precious lil sonboy he deserves the whole entire world

everyone loves mammon, and i am no exception :D he's not necessarily my type hence why he's neatly placed right in the middle but ugh i love a guy who tries and fails miserably to act tough but is super sweet inside, what a guy <3 ok i flip flopped between putting satan and simeon in the love tier because i am so very fond of both of them, but that's too many characters up there so imagine they're both in a weird tier purgatory between the 2 LOL

i am in fact going to marry simeon and then we will raise luke together it's a fact simeon is everything he's pretty and beautiful and a very complex and interesting character ahhh

SATAN MY LOVE he's a very interesting case to me in that i feel on paper he should be the kind of character who would be on the top of the list! he's smart and kind and unhinged and would kill for you and he likes cats!!! truly husband material i adore him

im going to marry thirteen, thanks for listening to my ted talk <3 my darling beautiful wife who would laugh hysterically if i fell down the stairs i love u thirteen <3333333 we will be wed tomorrow and we will live the dream in her silly lil cave of pranks and curses

i dont know what it is about raphael but i adore him??? is it the wet kitten swag? the done with life expression? his ridiculous outfit? i couldnt tell you but i saw him for the first time and i was immediately obsessed everything i learn about him just makes me more obsessed, i love the fact that he enjoys solomons cooking, the way he's good at sewing and is kind but kinda scary, what a fun character

i could talk endlessly about solomon oh how i love this silly househusband wizard guy i was pretty neutral on him in the og game, and then he swiftly stole my heart in nightbringer and now i would eat his terrible cooking any day of the week just to see him smile <3 if i die seeing him happy that's probably the best way to go out all his calls and messages are sooo cute and they make me melt im in love please just one chance...

barbatos and solomon are typically equal on the list i'd say? but the barbatos brainrot is hitting harder now so he gets to be ever so slightly higher this once hahaha barbs is another that took a while to grow on me, not that i ever disliked him or anything but i definitely overlooked him at first! design wise i absolutely LOVE him, his demon form is definitely one of my absolute favourites. the unique but still put together suit?? the ruffles?? the bone wing horns?? ugh he's just very pretty, and SO interesting as well love a calm collected guy who totally has the potential to destroy you if he so wishes but has a soft spot for you

and of course, real shocker im sure, at the tippy top of the list would be asmo and belphie my beloveds <333 i love them both equally and i could never put one above the other i actually started playing obey me for belphie because one of my favourite character tropes is The Tired One TM, and im absolutely not immune to a cute emo boy either. i've grown to really love his sass and the way he hides his manipulative nature behind his sweet and innocent appearance hehe i also do love how ridiculously forward and blunt he is at times, what a silly guy while belphie was very predictable, asmo was a very out of nowhere character for me! i distinctly remember seeing him initially and thinking "avatar of lust?? i guess he's pretty but he'll probably just be the fuckboy character who makes nonstop innuendos and has no character beyond that, and i'm too asexual for this" so i avoided him a lot at first, but i'm very weak for how kind and gentle and charismatic he is, and the way he puts his all into everything and everyone <333 it didnt take long for me to realise that he's almost exactly the kind of person i aspire to be more like

also miura ayme gives me so much gender envy its not fair send tweet

#if u read all this.... thank u sdfhjhd i am high fiving u right now <333 #AND THANK U FOR ASKING ANON this was fun to consider #i like overthinking categories and lists so this was delightful for me #ask box #obey me

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littlefoxwithadagger · 6 months

Text

Zee's 2023 Reads

Stats:

Books read ˋ°•*⁀➷ 62

Books DNFed ˋ°•*⁀➷ 9

Five-star reads ˋ°•*⁀➷ 23

Note: ☆ counts as a half star, since there isn’t a half star emoji

I tried not to tag any books I didn’t like because I don’t like to hate on books in their fandom tags, so if I accidentally tagged something I have a bad review, please tell me 😭

This list is chaos and I defintely ripped into some of these books because I hated them. Be warned. (I’m sorry ACOTAR fans. Maybe don’t read this if that’s your favorite book series. I didn’t hate them, but I certainly had quite a few criticisms.)

Also, if you see the reviews start to get way longer in October, that’s because I started this post in October, so everything I read after that was reviewed immediately after reading.

↳ March (2)

Red Queen - Victoria Aveyard

March 3rd, ⭐️⭐️⭐️

I read this by request of my aunt (it's her favorite book series) and honestly it was just kinda boring and not my taste...not to mention the ending REALLY pissed me off. The whole powers thing was kinda cool, but the dystopian main plot was kind of generic? Which is fine, but this was kind of bland for a first book. Will not be finishing the series.

Glass Sword - Victoria Aveyard

March 10th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️, DNF

This is the sequel to Red Queen, and frankly I think I read about three chapters of it before I DNFed. The main reason I DNFed this was because of the ending of the first book. I won’t go into detail about it because it spoils the end of the first book, but after my favorite character was taken away from me, I couldn’t finish this series.

Overall, I think this series had great potential but bad execution. I may try to read it again in the new year just to give the entire series a proper, full review, but at the time that I read this, I wasn’t into reading much at all and therefore couldn’t read a book just to say I’d read it.

↳ May (7)

Les Misérables - Victor Hugo

May 5th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

By far my favorite classic thanks to my mom encouraging me to read it. Loads of beautiful prose and a compelling plot line. I especially liked how he wove a bunch of stories that seemed not at all connected into one. Jean Valjean was a very complicated character, and I enjoyed following his story as it progressed. It felt very full-circle, even if the ending was a bit sad. The author took us all over France, and I felt very immersed in the world even though there was no visual for it. I also appreciated seeing the side characters grow over the length of the story. There were quite a few side characters who got a full arc despite not needing it. I'll probably reread this someday, just not now.

Flip the Script - Lyla Lee

May 20th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This is a cute sapphic love story between two teenage actresses starring together in a Korean drama. Fun fact - I didn't realize it was sapphic for a good while and was confused why sexuality was a hot topic in the book. Whoops! Cute anyways, and the plotline kept me interested.

The Selection - Kiera Cass

May 26th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️☆

This was my first reread of the year! I read this book back in 2021 originally by request of a friend. Rereading it was a bit of a let-down. I found the main girl annoying at times and overall the plot just kinda felt...meh. I will say that I was a bit disappointed that Maxon was the main guy at first because I really loved Aspen, but I think Maxon grew on me quite a bit more towards the end of this book. It was also easier for me to love him on the reread because I’d followed the full story already, so I think I appreciated his character more on this read than I did on the first read. I'm also not huge into dystopian, so that did kill my enjoyment of this a bit.

The Elite - Kiera Cass

May 27th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

To continue my Selection reread, I read this. This book was better than the first one, though some of it was just very boring if I'm remembering correctly. It was nice to have a smaller group of girls and get to see them getting to know each other better, and this alone made the book more enjoyable than the last. I think the political tension upped a bit in this book, which I didn’t really like, but it did lead to quite a few great scenes between America and Maxon.

The One - Kiera Cass

May 28th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

To complete the Selection reread, I read this. This was by far the best book in the trilogy. It was fun and full of action, and Maxon and America finally got themselves together. There was a great love confession from Maxon at the very end which will forever have my heart. Five stars just for making me swoon honestly. There were a few things that frustrated me in this book, such as the fact that America and Maxon still didn’t seem to trust each other for a lot of this book, but that’s their problem, not mine. I definitely enjoyed the scene where America saw Maxon’s scars for the first time. It was a very sweet scene, and I love emotional vulnerability between characters. 💔

Honorable mention - The Heir - Kiera Cass

May 29th, ⭐️⭐️, DNF

This book sucked to put it frankly. I recall enjoying it the first time I read it, but upon reread I found the main character entirely unbearable (making America look like a saint) and I think I made it about ten pages before deciding it wasn't worth the reread. I wish I didn't own this book.

The Love Hypothesis - Ali Hazelwood

May 29th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️☆

This book was what really got me back into reading, and I'd been wanting to read it for months after hearing about it all over the internet. I gave it four stars at the time because I cringed a bit at the number of times the main girl referred to the main guy as "big" or something of the sort but overall found it enjoyable. Honestly, I'd probably rate this lower if I re-read it, but I'm not going to bother testing that theory. It got me back into picking up books, and that's what matters.

↳ June (9)

A Court of Thorns and Roses - Sarah J. Maas

June 10th, ⭐️⭐️☆, DNF

This book...was disappointing. This was the first book I bought from the store without reading it first because the internet had me so convinced I'd enjoy it. I didn't. I found myself so bored I didn't bother reading past page 100 before I returned the book to the store. I don't really have much to say about it other than it was boring, honestly. Feyre also annoyed me a decent bit.

The Romantics - Leah Konen

June 14th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️, DNF

This book had the same problem as ACOTAR, only far worse. This book felt like it had absolutely no substance, and I read at least half of it. The entire book was narrated by the entity of Love, and all of the characters we got introduced to were only ever surface-level. I felt like I was watching a bunch of strangers interact with each other. Perhaps it was just that young teenage romance isn’t really my cup of tea, but I found the plot entirely uninteresting.

Once Upon a Broken Heart - Stephanie Garber

June 19th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

My babyyyyyyyyyy <3 My bread and butter, the reason I got into fantasy books. Definitely not as compelling as the second book, but compelling nonetheless. Jacks and Evangeline have insane tension and it was overall just great. I absolutely loved the whole kisses deal, though I’ll admit this book was NOT what I thought it was. When I picked it up, I was expecting Jacks to be an actual prince, and I was quite surprised to find that he was more of a demigod. Either way, it was a great book, and if you love romantacy, I’d recommend this for SURELY. (I’m biased, can’t you tell? This is a OUBAH blog, after all.)

The Ballad of Never After - Stephanie Garber

June 20th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I'd give this book six stars if I could. This entire book was just pining and drama, and I live for it. Not to mention...the Hollow? Yes. Yes, yes yes. Everything about this book, yes. The curses in this book were completely crazy, and I felt like we got a lot more world building in this book. The entire world felt a lot more complete in this book, and we really got to start to piece together Jacks’s backstory. Lovely.

One True Loves - Elise Bryant

June 21st, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I'm pretty sure I actually read this book last year, but it got put into my book tracker in July so I'm leaving it here. This was a cutsey little romance about a girl who goes on a cruise in Europe. I don't remember much about it, but I remember loving the two main characters and the realtionship they had with each other.

Happily Ever Afters - Elise Bryant

June 21st, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Pretty sure this is the book before One True Loves? They're in the same series, I know that. This was a cutsey little book about a baker guy and a writer girl who ended up at the same high school. Absolutely loved the character growth the main character had over the course of the book.

In Order to Live - Yeonmi Park

June 26th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This was a biography written by a woman who escaped North Korea. It was truly an amazing read, and this is the one book I cried while reading this year! I would definitely recommend this to anyone because it is extremely informative while also being very immersive.

Caraval - Stephanie Garber

June 27th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Back to Stephaine Garber! Honestly, I started reading this series for Jacks, but the first book is something entirely on its own. I absolutely loved Julian and Scarlett, and I'll be rereading this again soon. The book very much immersed the reader, and I felt like I was a player in Caraval myself. There was so much fun to be had in this book, and honestly it could just be read as a stand-alone.

Legendary - Stephanie Garber

June 31st, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I drove all the way to the other side of town to get this book, that's how good the first one was. This book was less enjoyable than the first, but the plot was extremely compelling. Sadly, I’m not a huge fan of Tella, so I struggled to immerse myself in this book the way I got immersed in Caraval.

↳ July (11)

(Was I ok in July? How many books is this, Zee?)

Finale - Stephanie Garber

July 1st, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Jacks. That's about all I have to say about this book.

Sugar, Spice, and Can’t Play Nice - Annika Sharma

July 2nd, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Not sure why, but I decided to dump $16? $17? on this when I went to Barnes and Noble with a friend, so I had to finish it. There was a tad too much sexual tension and not enough romance between the main characters for my taste, but it was a good book. I especially enjoyed that the author did so much with her own culture in the book. Both of the characters learned the importance of truly connecting with someone over the course of the book, and I thought it was lovely.

The Spanish Love Deception - Elena Armas

July 2nd, ⭐️⭐️, DNF

This book was...something. I - yet again - purchased a book without reading it first. Learned my lesson this time. I have honestly no idea what this book is about because I read only fifty pages of it and there was...too much of her referring to him as "big" and "tall". I get it. He's tall and wide. Can we please discuss why you hate him? I'd love to know, really. Perhaps this book is for you if you like extreme sexualization of tall, buff men, but it’s not for me.

The Inheritance Games - Jennifer Lynn Barnes

July 6th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Queen. Puzzles and drama galore, and I love the boys. That's really all I have to say about this. I LOVE puzzles so this book was a big hit with me. Avery is a little genius and I appreciate it, and I also loved getting to see her adapt to her new life.

The Cruel Prince - Holly Black

July 9th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️☆

This read is courtesy of my bestie. She had not finished the series when she recommended it. Still hasn't. (Nani, this is a plea for you to finish it.) I don't recall much of the book, honestly, but the plot was good enough for me to rate it four and a half stars, so...?

The Wicked King - Holly Black

July 11th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️☆

Cardan and Jude...on the couch...with- ahem. I mean what. What was this book about? Also I love the way Cardan speaks. He’s very formally-spoken and I love that for him.

The Queen of Nothing - Holly Black

July 11th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

yESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. This entire book. The ENDING??? Insane. How do I not remember any of the plot of these books besides the end of this one? We'll never know.

Skin of the Sea - Natasha Bowen

July 14th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️☆, DNF

This book was probably pretty great. I personally found the introduction to the plot a bit dragging and it lost my interest because of this, but it sounded like it would eventually be a good and intriguing plot. I may eventually pick this back up, but currently there are other books I am actually excited to read, so for now this will be only a DNF.

These Violent Delights - Chloe Gong

July 17th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️, DNF

Ahem...this was actually a great book, despite the DNF and star rating. I DNFed this book because it was too gorey, but I'm currently attempting to finish it. The writing is beautiful and the characters are very compelling. The tension between the main characters is lovely. I'm hoping to give this five stars when I finally finish it.

Six of Crows - Leigh Bardugo

July 18th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Delicious. A heist, six morally grey characters, lots of fighting and tension - both romantic and plot-wise. Absolutely ate up the characters' backstories. I love a good trauamtic backstory. I was reading fanfics about this book before I even finished reading it, that's how good the character building was. (Sadly I got a ton of the plot spoiled for me between this book and the next because I decided to join the online fandom before finishing the books. I will NOT make that mistake again.)

How the King of Elfhame Learned to Hate Stories - Holly Black

July 19th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

A goofy short read about Cardan. I love him. That's it.

(Zee said no reading during birthday month apparently? Was I spending too much time being lovesick over my coworker? We'll never know.)

↳ September (6)

The Forgetting - Sharon Cameron

September 1st, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book surprised me. I had no idea what it was about going into it, and I was entirely surprised. Apparently it's dystopian? Sci-fi? Who knew? (not me) Anyways, I loved the two main characters, and the plot was extremely creative. This is definitely going to be a re-read next year. Sadly, the sequel was not about this pair of characters, so I didn’t end up reading it.

Fourth Wing - Rebecca Yarros

September 15th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Well, this is a funny story. I put in a request at the library for this book in July, having about zero clue what it was about beyond dragons. I was intrigued, of course, because I LOVE dragons. By the time I got my hands on the book, I'd heard many reviews about how awful the book was. I was convinced I'd hate it, but of course, I had to read it because I waited TWO MONTHS for it. It took a few pages for me to be interested, but it was a VERY good book. I love Xaden. I will kiss him on the head. This got four stars because those smut scenes GAGGED me (and not in a good way), but I have since read worse smut, so perhaps this will be a five-star someday. The smut was truly something, though. I sat on the couch and sobbed from laughter while reading them.

The Stolen Heir - Holly Black

September 16th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This was...gorey, honestly. But other than that, a great read. Both main characters are very compelling, and I adore Oak. Sweetest boy. I can't wait to read the second book. It really took us a lot farther into the world of Elfhame, and I appreciated the book for that.

Lightlark - Alex Aster

September 16th, ☆, DNF

I truly wish I could just say "No." and move on with this list, but this book was probably the worst book I've ever read. I read three pages and was so extremely confused that I couldn't continue. To confuse me that awfully in the first three pages of a book is a feat, I'll give her that. I would not recommend this book to anyone, and generally I believe that everything has an audience. I'm sorry if you're a fan of this book, but I just...can't.

Fireworks - Alice Lin

September 20th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Cute book about a girl and her childhood best friend turned Kpop star when they finally reunite at age 18. Soooo much romantic tension, and I loved how the book dealt with mental health. I hope these two live happily ever after.

Reread - Fourth Wing - Rebecca Yarros

September 25th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Yes, I reread it a week after I read it. Sue me. It was a good book. I’ll be rereading it again when my holiday edition shows up.

↳ October (8)

Imogen, Obviously - Becky Albertalli

October 5th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This is going on the list of cutesy sapphic books that make me cry. Absolutely loved the way the realtionship between the two main characters developed, and I thought it did a good job about commenting on what it means to be queer. Also, arguably the best college friend group ever in this book. I'm jealous.

When You Wish Upon a Lantern - Gloria Chao

October 6th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This book was ok. It was cute, but I found it slightly boring. I will say it was very good for a first-person dual POV book, which I usually hate and refuse to read.

Assistant to the Villain - Hannah Nicole Maehrer

October 14th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This was a funny read, because I expected to hate read it, but it had me kicking and screaming, especially the ending. I was so insanely upset when I realized it was a trilogy (mostly because the ending was absolutely jarring and I didn’t expect it to end on a cliffhanger), but at the same time I'm glad this isn't the last we'll see of these characters. I love books where the villains are villains because they felt like that was all they could be. I love. Beyond all of this, I simply enjoyed to see all the characters interact with each other, and I felt like the author did a good job of humanizing all the characters. Not to mention Kingsley. He’s arguably my favorite character despite having no real lines in the book.

The Hawthorne Legacy - Jennifer Lynn Barnes

October 15th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Puzzles, Hawthorne boys, and...strip bowling (I forgot about this scene until a coworker told me she didn't read the book because there was stripping in it. I laughed.) Anyways I loved Jameson and Avery in this book and that's about all I have to say.

The Final Gambit - Jennifer Lynn Barnes

October 18th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ok I’m going to be completely honest this book was one huge blur and it almost felt disconnected from the rest of the series. Don’t get me wrong, it was GREAT, but it was like complete whiplash while simultaneously tying up all the loose ends we had in the last two books. Also *spoilers* but JamesonAvery endgame YAYYYYYY.

Reread - Once Upon a Broken Heart - Stephanie Garber

October 19th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I reread this in preparation for the third book and it took me a month to read. Idk man.

Reread - The Ballad of Never After - Stephanie Garber

October 23rd, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Good soup. Send me to the Hollow, please.

A Curse for True Love - Stephanie Garber

October 24th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

*ahem* drum roll please… 🥁🥁🥁 …LOVELY!! Evajacks kiss. This is all I wanted. Also his dimples. And Archer. And- Ok enough about that. To actually review this book, I think it was a great wrap-up of the series. The book had an amazing vibe, and I loved how the first half of the book felt shrouded in mystery since we spent the majority of the time in Evangeline’s head. I read this entire book in one five-hour sitting, completely skipping all the homework I had to do that night just so I could read this IMMEDIATELY. It was totally worth it. I also just loved seeing Jacks as the tortured man I always knew he was. Yes bby be so tortured. Now kiss.

↳ November (8)

A Court of Mist and Fury - Sarah J. Maas

November 3rd, ⭐️⭐️⭐️

This was...a book. It had potential to be a great book in the first 100 pages, but somewhere along the way it got kind of insane. Honestly, I feel like it should've been two books. It was over 600 pages and yet I found most of the scenes were a bit too short. Also, there were too many location changes, and this book is where the bad smut truly is. I couldn't even read the smut scenes...I can usually tolerate them. (Is it clear I don't like smut?). The first half of the book set up this lovely dynamic between Rhys and Feyre that I loved and showed me this new, fun world of the Night Court. I only wish that I’d enjoyed the second half of the book as much as I did the first. The second half didn’t get enough development and kind of just all ran together, which sucked. I would’ve given this four stars if the second half had had better pacing.

Honorable mention - The Queen of Nothing - Holly Black

November 8th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

*cough* *cough* ahem. I reread like half this book for the scenes between Cardan and Jude…especially a specific scene in chapter 21 (if you know you know) and also the ending <3 yes queen get your ma-

Iron Flame - Rebecca Yarros

November 12th , ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

(I just finished this book right before I started typing this so excuse my screaming) BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR. HANDS DOWN. ABSOLUTELY AMAZING ENDING AND I LOVE YOU REBECCA YARROS. If you like fantasy, I’d recommend this book. (Also rep for the messed up joints girlies 🙏🏼) I love Xaden and Violet sm.

These Violent Delights - Chloe Gong

November 14th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️☆

This book was very good. Great prose, amazing characters, original plot. I only didn’t give it five stars because I personally felt just a bit disconnected from the story. I didn’t really feel all that stressed by the plot, though this may have been because I only had four hours to read the book. Overall, it was a great book and I’ll be reading the sequel when I have time. (Also, coming off the Iron Flame high does make this book a bit less fascinating.)

Crooked Kingdom - Leigh Bardugo

November 15th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

After four months, I finally bring myself to finish this. A masterpiece. I didn’t want to leave this world, and yet I finally had to. The entire crew has my heart, and that ending broke me. I wanted so badly to simply not read it and make sure it didn’t happen, but here we are. Our gang all got their not-quite-happily-ever-after, and this may or may not have been the only book to make me cry ever. (That’s not true, but I can’t remember which other book I cried at. Perhaps it was my own.) Five stars. I will be returning to this duology someday to reabsorb the masterpiece that it is.

Drizzle, Dreams, and Lovestruck Things - Maya Prasad

November 22nd, ⭐️⭐️⭐️☆

This book was pretty good. The sisters had a cute relationship and the inn was fun. The book was split into four parts - one for each sister - and personally I enjoyed the first two the best. The third one was also pretty cute, but the last one…I didn’t connect with the character as well, and her plot seemed to drag. I actually stopped reading like 3 pages before the end because the plot was basically over like 20 pages before and it was just focusing on side characters. I think I’m just not a huge fan of slice of life in book form, so if you like that, then this book is for you. I have the sequel sitting on my shelf, but I might just take it back to the library at this point.

A Court of Wings and Ruin - Sarah J. Maas

November 23rd, ⭐️⭐️

This book was way too long, to put it bluntly. I considered DNFing it a number of times, and the plot just seemed to drag on. I don’t understand what Maas has against question marks, either. I can’t tell you how many times I read a question in here that ended with a period. I’m not sure whether it was supposed to emphasize tone or what she was trying to do, but it was extremely irritating and distracting. I didn’t notice this happening in the other two books, but maybe I just missed it. The only reason I finished this book was so that I could read ACOSF with full context because I do love Cassian and Nesta, but otherwise I probably would’ve DNFed about 2/3 of the way in. The fandom wasn’t kidding when they said ACOMAF was the best book in the series. I’m only glad I finished this because of the Nessian scene we got at the end 💔 my heart cried.

A Court of Silver Flames - Sarah J. Maas

November 25th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️☆

To my surprise and delight, this book has question marks!!! Yayyy!!! To start this review off, I’ll begin by saying - Sarah finally got a decent review out of me. I really enjoyed this book except for a few small details. Now, that may just be because I love Cassian and Nesta, but I consider it a win that she wrote two characters that I LOVE.

That being said, this book made me dislike Rhysand even more than I already did. I’m not sure what it is about him, but I find him a bit intolerable. I won’t dwell on this point, but I found him especially irritating in relation to the Feyre B-plot. Oof. That in combination with the ridiculous number of smut scenes made me knock this down a star. I was fine with them at first, but then it just became too much. Google says there were only 7 smut scenes in the book, but I swear there were more. This is just a personal gripe and nothing against the book or its readers, but it certainly downgraded my enjoyment of it.

Beyond that, I really loved the tension between Cassian and Nesta, and I also enjoyed seeing the two of them work through their issues. They’re extremely sweet and I love them. One thing though - Sarah, why did you tease a mating ceremony for like three pages and then we don’t even get to see it??? Miss ma’am at the very least I wanted to see Cassian being all sweet as they consummated the mating or whatever. But instead we get another scene of someone crying over Feyre’s painting??? COME ON!!! This will probably be the only time I’ll rate an SJM book over 3 stars.

↳ December (11)

The Brothers Hawthorne - Jennifer Lynn Barnes

December 2nd, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

To start this off, I was completely thrilled to read a book about the boys. Don’t get me wrong, I love Avery, but the three youngest Hawthorne brothers have always piqued my interest more. I honestly didn’t think a book in this series could be better than the others, but there was something about this book that was even more incredible than the trilogy. This book was even better than I thought it would be. I expected to enjoy Jameson’s part of the story even more than Grayson’s part, but I actually found myself enjoying getting to know Grayson quite a bit more. (Don’t get me wrong, I loved Jameson’s part of the story, but this book made me love Gray a lot more.). I’d give this book six stars if I could. Absolutely lovely and completely compelling read, and I love all the new characters we’re introduced to. I do hope that someday we get a book about Xander and Nash, but for now, this will quench my Hawthorne thirst. I definitely have a new favorite Hawthorne though (sorry Jameson). I will kiss Gray-

The Half-Life of Love - Brianna Bourne

December 9th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Uh so to put it simply. I hated this book (in the best way possible). I don’t know why I read this. I knew how it would end from the start, but it intrigued me enough that I read it anyways!!?? Haha. I sobbed at the ending. I never want to think about this book again. I loved the characters but I hated the plot. That’s it. (I will also say this book dealt HEAVILY with death and was very heavy so. Yeah. Be warned.) Update after a week of processing: I actually loved this book a lot, but it broke my heart. I loved the character development that Flint went through over the course of the book, and it absolutely broke me that that was the end. I may change my star rating for this before I officially post this, but for now it stays at 3 for hurting me.

Fireborne - Rosaria Munda

December 16th, ⭐️⭐️☆, DNF

This book was…odd, to say the least. It had potential, but something about the world building felt off to me. Perhaps it’s just not my vibe. My main gripe with it has to be the characters’ names. Some of them had very modern names, some of them had very old names, and some of them only went by extremely weird nicknames. The names alone took me out of the immersion of the world, because every time I’d finally get into it, I’d read a name and go oh, yeah, this is a book. It took me about a week to decide to DNF this, but after reading so many books I genuinely enjoyed, I just couldn’t force myself to finish it.

Greymist Fair - Francesca Zappia

December 16th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️☆

This was one of my most anticipated reads of the season. I saw the cover at the library and was like oh, yeah, that’ll be a good read. I didn’t even read the summary. Turns out, I was so right. The book kind of has similar vibes to the tales of The Brothers Grimm, but oddly I didn’t find any of this story very creepy. It was dark and a bit gory, but I thoroughly enjoyed the progression of the story. I wouldn’t say this was a five-star read, but I really enjoyed this book. It’s a collection of stories about Greymist Fair that weave together very beautifully, and I absolutely love the atmosphere this book created. Come to find out after I read it, it’s classified as a horror book? I would’ve probably said it was more paranormal fiction, but alas. This was not a horror book to me. I should know, I hate horror. Would definitely recommend this book to anyone who likes morally twisted fantasy books - especially classic fae stories. This book gave me similar vibes to those.

The Matzah Ball - Jean Meltzer

December 22nd, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️☆

This book was so much fun. I think I read it in 3.5 hours. I wasn’t sure what to expect going into this, because honestly it’s one of the four Christmas (this book wasn’t technically Christmas but based on certain themes I think you could categorize it that way) books I impulsively rented from the library, but I loved it. The main girl had a chronic illness, and as someone who struggles physically myself, I really enjoyed reading about a main character going through the mental struggles of such a thing. This book gave silly Hallmark movie vibes, but it was completely enjoyable. The main guy was extremely sweet albeit a bumbling idiot, and I actually didn’t mind the major misunderstanding trope that carried this plot. I also really enjoyed reading a book that included lots of Jewish culture. It felt like home. There were a few aspects of this book I found a bit childish for a book about two people who were nearly thirty, but I guess different people enjoy different things. It was a fun, quick read if you’re looking for something with a holiday theme.

These Hollow Vows - Lexi Ryan

December 23rd, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️☆

I’m not really sure why, but I started reading this in October and couldn’t get into it. A couple pages in and I was HOOKED. I love me a book about Fae realms. (At least, the original Fae. ACOTAR was too far from the source material for me to enjoy it, sadly.) This book has all the mystery and wonder of the Fae lands while being extremely simple to read and understand. I LOVED the plot progression, and the plot twists were predictable in a roundabout way where you could sort of guess them, but they still surprised you. The ending made me scream in both an angry and excited way. I totally saw the ending coming, but it still pissed me off!

I can’t wait to read the next book, but sadly I must wait until I return from vacation. I would DEFINITELY recommend this if you like fae books, especially if you enjoyed The Cruel Prince. The only reason I didn’t give this book five stars is that I felt the side characters were all a bit underdeveloped. I’m not sure if this was on purpose since the book is from the main character’s point of view, but I felt like I didn’t even know the love interests well enough to actually make a good judgement of either of them. I did, according to the ending, end up pegging both of their true characters correctly, but I still felt they were underdeveloped for how much time they spent in the book.

Honorable mention - The Queen of the Tearling - Erika Johansen

December 24rd, unrated, DNF

I tried to read this book about ten different times before I had to return it to the library, but it just isn’t my cup of tea. It didn’t capture my attention in the twenty pages I read, and I don’t think I can follow the character on her journey. It’s very sad, because I truly love a learned royalty plot, but I couldn’t do it. Perhaps I will pick it up again someday, but I don’t plan on it being anytime in the near future.

Defy the Night - Brigid Kemmerer

December 25th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Ok, this one surprised me. I picked this book up at the library back in the summer, but I realized it was dual POV, and at that point I just couldn’t handle reading that, so I returned the book. I picked it up again on Christmas because my grandma bought me a kindle and I really wanted to try it, but the options at my library that were immediately available were limited. I’m so glad I gave it a second chance, because I loved it. This book had everything I love in a fantasy novel. There were so many twists I didn’t see coming, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. This book made me enjoy a wholly political plot, and I love that for it. Usually, I’m not a huge fan of political plots, but I loved the way this one developed. The romance was absolutely adorable as well, and it made me so happy I decided to give this book a second chance. As it stands, I will probably be reading the sequel tomorrow, and I am very excited, although I’m a bit upset the third book isn’t out until January! I was so happy to give another book five stars this month, because with how it was going, I didn’t think I would be.

Defend the Dawn - Brigid Kemmerer

December 26th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️☆

Hah. This book. True to my word, I finished it the day after Defy the Night. I’ll be honest, this book was slightly disappointing after how amazing the first book was, but I’ll let it slide solely because we got to know a new and amazing character. Besides that, this book did BOUNDS of character work. We got to know more and more about our main characters, and they all learned to overcome their stubbornness in this book. One thing I really loved about this book is that we got to see more about how close the brothers are. I feel like I don’t read many books where boys are very close to each other, especially not in a royalty setting, so it was refreshing to read a book where two brothers rule the throne united instead of going to war over it.

I was a bit disappointed that they spent the majority of the book on a ship, but because of the development that happened in the ship both character-wise and plot-wise, I can’t necessarily complain. For one, we got away from Allisander in this book, and I really had no character in this book more than him (yet). I’m very excited to read the last book when it comes out, though I wish I could read it right now. This series is truly worth the hype it had when I first discovered it, and I can’t wait to see where the relationships go in the next book.

The Lost Sisters - Holly Black

December 26th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Truth be told, this was a whole lot shorter than I thought it would be. It was essentially a letter from Taryn to Jude about the events of the first book. I found it to be a very interesting character study, honestly, and it showed us a bit more about Cardan too. I would recommend reading this if you’ve read The Cruel Prince series.

These Twisted Bonds - Lexi Ryan

December 29th, ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Oh my gosh this book did more than I could’ve ever imagined it would. This book gave me all the character development the first book was lacking, and the way the plot developed was insanely amazing. I absolutely love Finn, and the way he calls Abriella Princess just absolutely melts me. The world got extremely fleshed out in this book, and I really enjoyed seeing how this author put her own twist on the world of the Fae. I also, oddly, really liked how the spice was done in this book. It was there but it mostly lacked detail and description, which is how I like my spice. I want a vague idea and nothing more! 😆 Overall, I really enjoyed this book, and it will probably be my last book of the year. I think it was a great conclusion to this year’s reading, and I’m glad I ended the year on a high note.

If you read this far, thanks for sticking around! For 2024, I will be doing monthly wrap-ups, so don’t expect another post like this…unless I decide to do a yearly wrap-up after my monthly ones are done…

If you have any recommendations to start my year off, tell me! I currently am planning on reading the Percy Jackson series, but that’s the only thing I’m really looking forward to reading

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niko-sasaki-dbd · 20 days

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1,2,9,21 for asks please :3

First, Thank you for the ask! 🩷 Now, the answers:

1. fave character

This is the hardest question out of the whole ask game, and this is the second time I'm going to answer it, and I'm not really complaining.

Niko is at the top of my list right now—I guess that is really not a surprise—and I think is because she is undoubtedly smart, complex and has many layers as a character, but she's still clear with her emotions and intentions, which only adds to her value as part of the team.

She is empathetic even when the situation is sort of complicated, and is not afraid of expressing herself—being true to who she is—and that's incredible and admiring.

It's also very healing to see, from a neurodivergent perspective.

2. fave episode

The Case of the Two Dead Dragons. I've seen that episode several times, and I love how funny it is and still it manages to show so much about the characters.

The scene in which Crystal confronts Charles remains one of my favorites. It’s so refreshing to see her there, presenting facts to these two boys who have been unable to face their emotions and trauma for decades, because their avoidance has reached a point where it’s detrimental to both their personal well-being and their work; and the situation clearly demonstrates their need to listen to her; otherwise, Charles might easily have doubted Shelby’s account of Brad and Hunter’s actions towards her, and affect the case.

Edwin is dealing with things in his own head too and in that particular moment, the amount of emotions he's going through only make it harder to openly tell Charles what he thinks or address the situation (and he believes in Shelby and what happened to her wholeheartedly, and that's evident even in the way he talks to her), but after what happened with the Night Nurse, Charles is clinging so bad to this external situation to validate himself and that's just human, and yet, fucked up (because he knows what abuse is, he knows what Shelby is saying is probably true, but in that moment, his fears are bigger and they're blinding him, and that's a lot).

Crystal is there to give them perspective, and I just love how that moment and this episode is a turning point for so many situations in the future of the season.

FAVOURITE DIALOGUE:

Okay, I get it, you're sweet guy with a rage problem. You walk around acting like the sun always shines, and then you lost your shit while beating the Night Nurse! Edwin and I are walking on eggshells around you, instead of saying "what the actual fuck!".

9. fave magical being

Curious question. I think that, in this moment, is definitely The Night Nurse, because I don't understand what she is, if not human, or which is the extent of her powers and the origin of her existence.

The vision Crystal has when she tries to see in her mind is quite unsettling, and I wonder if it means what I think it does. She's a complex character,.I hope we could see more of her in the future.

21. something in the show that made you happy

I think that there are many things in the show that made me happy, in a complex way. I mean, I was happy that Lilith listened to Crystal and took Esther away, but that was more close to relief that happiness itself, right?

Probably, if there is something that make me feel a positive emotion more akin to happiness, is Charles' response to Edwin's confession. Just to explain myself, I appreciate the fact he was sincere and caring despite the circumstances. There were a lot of things going through his head in that moment (kudos to Jayden for portraying such a range of emotions in a matter of seconds), yet he remained considerate and comforting, and that already demonstrates the depth of his love for Edwin (I’ll refrain from delving into the nature of that love here).

It takes a lot to be that careful towards someone, even if that someone is a friend. Honestly, the 'my best friend is in love with me' situation is incredibly delicate even when it happens outside hell, and, if handled poorly, can cause significant harm. Speaking from personal experience, I handled it terribly. So, it's refreshing to see a practical guide on how to do it right.

#ask game #dead boy detectives #answered 💌

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w0lfinsheepscl0thing · 4 months

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1898: Forgetting Their Shadows - Update

Since last May, I’ve been developing an 1899 fic, and I’m as excited about it as I was when I thought of it. However, I’ve been in a writing slump for almost a month and it’s been taking away all my confidence and motivation. But I’m not going to give up on the project till it’s done! I’m mainly active on Instagram, so after I posted some teasers I made for it back in October, mainly because I thought I would somehow finish it soon, I completely abandoned the idea of posting on here till it was done. But, of course, things didn’t go as planned. I really want to keep working on this fic, so, in hopes that it’ll help with motivation, I’ve decided to try and post updates for it here, even if they are small.

But first, I haven't really introduced this project properly! Settle in, because this is going to be a long one…

How I Started the Story

(Feel free to skip this or any of the points to get to the info you want; a lot is rambling!)

In April, 2023, I checked out 1899 and was immediately invested in Ángel (and Ramiro, of course. He just came later). I had no idea what I was getting into when I started the show, so I’ll have to admit, I didn’t think I’d like it at first, and it took till episode three to really get into it. If it wasn’t for Ángel, I might’ve not seen the whole thing through, which sounds crazy looking back on it now! I started to visualize Ángel and Ramiro’s backstory and where they came from while constantly hoping they’d get their own episode, so when I finished season one and found out it was canceled, I was very disappointed. Not only because they didn’t get an ending, but because now I wanted to know everyones’ endings. It was by this point I realized how stupid I was to think it wasn’t worth watching.

Also, at this time, I didn’t use Tumbler and assumed (from an Instagram only perspective) that the community for the show was dead. I also thought the people I loved and wanted to see more of weren’t appreciated among the few people still active in it. I really wanted to see the backstory behind Ramiro and Ángel, so I tried to write it myself. It was… terrible in the beginning. It was written in a script format, the chapters were only 300 words max, and a lot of it wasn’t realistic, but at least it was a start? Over time, though, I figured out I definitely wasn’t the only person who wanted to see more of them, and it evolved into not just those two people, but the entire story of 1899. I’m really glad it changed to that.

What Exactly Is This Story? What is it trying to accomplish?

I’m writing every backstory, then hopefully seasons 2 and 3, but also trying to make them as precise and accurate as possible. They include some of my own twists, as long as they aren’t contradicted by anything already confirmed, but the point is to make it everything the show was to be and more. I want it to have all of the detail and thought that Bo and Jantie put into it, even if it is painstaking to map out. I don’t want to give too much away yet, but just to clear something up (mainly for my own sake), this is my own take on the story and it’s different from other backstory/finishing the plot fics; I’m really trying to make it as different as I can!

So, Where Are You Now With It?

That’s complicated. I thought I had almost everything done for Volume One (Spain), but after getting through a rough draft of Chapter Six, I was gravely mistaken. I decided to take a step back and plan as much as I could, so once Volume one is out, I can almost immediately start on Volume Two, and so on and so forth. However, with so many puzzle pieces, it’s been tortuous to plan. Right now, I think the best option is for me to pick apart everything pre-simulation so I can understand everything that comes next. The main goal is for me to map out anything and everything, so I don’t change things later that ruin everything I already did, then (finally) finish Volume One.

This is going to be a while, but I want this to be as perfect as I can get it. At least it’ll be done this year, and I hope you're able to stick around for the journey :).

#1899 #1899 netflix #🚢#rant post #I know that nobody really needs this information but here it is anyway #perfectionism sucks #I didn't proofread this

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maya-matlin · 4 months

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since we're apparently among the only three people here who don't dislike Zaya...1. why do you think people have more trouble forgiving Zaya for their flaws when basically EVERY Degrassi ship is messy, flawed and complicated?! (Not judging anyone - we all like what we like, and things resonate with us for different reasons, I just find it interesting that people think Zaya is too toxic to forgive while some other Degrassi couples are objective just as messy and even more so) 2. Three Zaya scenes you love that show you they're meant to be? 3. Any songs you associate with Zaya? 4. Name three things Maya and Zig have in common and three differences they have that balance each other out! 5. Want to start a Zaya Appreciation Society with me? We can all share ice cream ;)

There are actually a solid amount of devoted Zaya fans. They're just harder to find. There's a reason I stick with Tumblr. Other places intimidate me and aren't worth the drama.

1.) Personal preference? Other than that, the existence of Campbell Saunders. Just as Zaya's potential romance was picking up steam and forming the foundation for their eventual relationship, Cam killed himself. Zig was the last person to speak to Cam. Regardless of Zig's intent or that during all of their interactions, Cam was the aggressor and the one who initiated all of their conflicts, the only thing the majority of Degrassi fans remember is that Zig pushed Cam over the edge. It never sat right with many viewers that Zig wasn't held more accountable for Cam's death or that Maya was so blasé about Zig's "confession". The writers' intent was clearly to send the message that no one is responsible for a suicide or anyone else's actions. But at the same time, you should still be mindful of others because you never know what's going on in someone else's head. Plus, I don't think Zig's character took quite the trajectory that some fans were expecting. He was supposed to have "learned" from Cam's death, meaning there was an expectation that he'd come away from the experience wiser with an acute awareness of how to navigate situations like this. It turns out, that never really happened. Zig tried his best and meant well, but he continued to be careless with words and was often in over his head. Zig also went on to feud with Maya's next boyfriend, Miles, where he was much more combative and kind of a shit starter. Miles was written with more care than Zig and quickly became the preferred character out of the two starting with season 14 and Next Class. So retroactively, Zig = bad, Miles = good. And lastly, a lot of people can't overlook cheating, even in fiction. While I take the stance that while I hate it, fictional cheating happening in teen dramas is highly likely, others felt too betrayed to continue supporting their relationship. Just overall, different people come away with different interpretations of characters and couples. In my opinion, Miles was far and away Maya's worst love interest and could have never made her happy in the long run even if they were both in heathier mindsets. Comparatively, I think Zig complemented Maya very well, offered constant emotional support and more often than not communicated well with her. Maya never seemed to be as happy with any guy as she was him once they were finally together. Others will tell you Miles was a great boyfriend, most of the things I just listed, and that Zig was a mediocre love interest.

2.) That's super tough to narrow down. I feel like I'm doing this wrong, but..

(1) Zig comforting Maya after Miles screams at her, reassuring her that he knows that she means well

It's the softness for me. It's how after the confusion with the season 13 love triangle and Zig being resistant to Maya's help, he gets it. He's here when she needs him the most. It's funny how for some, Maya and Zig getting together in the second half of season 14 came totally out of nowhere. But even though I didn't expect it when the season was airing, looking back it's very easy to see what was developing and how they were getting closer and closer each episode. Even though the Maya/Miles relationship lingered and Zig could have potentially gotten together with Zoe, those romances didn't pan out. To me, this is when their season 14 arc officially begins.

(2) Zig and Maya making up backstage

Yes, they were fighting and Maya was frustrated with Zig for trying to handle the gang on his own rather than turning Vince in, but he realized on his own (with the help of Damon) what needed to happen. We didn't see the full scene, but Zig clearly apologizes for their earlier conflict and for not initially going to the police. Maya is so forgiving and so prepared to forget the whole thing happened. Like she said. "You're here. We're together." That's literally all that mattered to her. No matter what happened, she was going to stick with Zig. No one can convince me that Maya Matlin wasn't equally and 100% as in love with Zig as he was her.

(3) Zig trying to cheer Maya up

Post bus crash, Maya was in the darkest place she'd ever been in. She was slowly losing all of her personal connections. At this point, it would be difficult to say Zig and Maya were even friends anymore. Their relationship ended in a very painful way with Maya still angry with Zig even months later. They both almost died. Zig entered a very public relationship with Esme. While they had occasional moments where they interacted that reinforced their connection, (in 302 when Zig asked Maya for advice about Esme), overall Zig wasn't part of Maya's life and therefore missed a lot of her warning signs. But, he did notice her on the verge of breaking down in the hallway and instantly knew something was wrong even if he couldn't have imagined the extent of it. So, Zig basically gently forces Maya to open up to him about what's going on. He knows she's struggling with something and isn't happy anymore, so he decides to cheer her up. This is Maya's first genuine smile the entire season. Every other time, she's either faking it or indulging in darker interests that only serve to trigger her more. And Maya clearly feels all the feelings in that moment. Yes, it's easier with Zig and he reminds her of happier times, but it's also very obvious how much she's still in love with him. This isn't technically part of the scene, but in the next episode Maya makes it a point to ask Esme to take care of Zig for her. The only other person we see Maya explicitly request be taken care of after she's gone is her mother. So, it says a lot about the depth of Maya's love for Zig and how much it would mean to her for him to be taken care of after she's gone. Anyways. Zig makes Maya happy and instinctively understands her.

4.) Ugh, I'm the worst at song questions.

It Might Be Love - Latch Key Kid (played during the first time they went to The Dot)

Oh My Love - Layla (played when Maya kisses Zig in season 14, kickstarting their relationship)

The Words You Say - Harrison Storm (played at the end of #YesMeansYes)

Lover - Taylor Swift (I know I'm basic, but it's their song)

5.) Three things Zig and Maya have in common.. they're both loyal, protective people and never afraid to fight for what's right, particularly when it affects someone they care about. I'll count that as two. It's honestly tough to find similarities, as weird as that sounds. They just match each other's energy and tend to be on the same wavelength. I'll say they're both pretty laidback. In spite of the fact they find themselves pulled into drama (especially poor Maya), they typically don't go out of their way to create it. Sometimes certain rivals will bring out that side of them, but overall they're chill people.

As for the differences that balance each other out.. Zig is the more sensitive one. He has a way of being quietly supportive and intuiting things while Maya internalizes a lot of her emotions. She's so desperate for nothing to go wrong that she almost avoids reality. I honestly think Zig grounds her a bit and forces her to be honest with herself. While both have good hearts, Maya is more compassionate and quicker to forgive. Even though it would sometimes be easier to lash out and the people wronging her would 1000% deserve it, Maya avoids conflict for the most part. Zig has never met a physical conflict he didn't want to throw against his locker. He means well, but he struggles with his anger from time to time and can't help but want to defend. Sometimes he's defending himself, other times he's defending the people he cares about. Maya provides a calming influence and encourages Zig to find better, healthier ways to handle his problems. This is so hard LOL. I feel like that's it? Who Maya is and who Zig is and how they interact with each other makes them an unusually good match. This is awful. I apologize.

5.) Absolutely!

#Zaya #otp: It felt like the world was gonna end #thedegrassidiaries #Long post #Not my gifs #I definitely fucked up the numbering because I misread your ask but oh well #Damn this ended up being so long

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deanthe · 4 months

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//vent I really need to get this off my chest. After Splatoon 3's final splatfest comes to a close, I'm probably going to stop interacting with the Splatoon community as much as I can. It's been four years since I've gotten truly into Splatoon, (that's a complicated, yet much nicer story for some other time) and while I don't regret it by any means, it's definitely been an exhausting ride, and I kinda want to get off of it before I barf.

Getting the most obvious thing out of the way, the way Nintendo has been handling Splatoon 3 has been really disappointing. It has far more improvements than flaws, but this game has had some really bizarre decisions made with it compared to the first two games. Maps, kits, ETC... I'm not gonna delve into the specifics, you probably already know what I'm going on about. Secondly, while what I just said still holds true, I feel like the community reactions to these changes have been... a bit too much? Like, yeah, splatfests are imbalanced. Maps have been bad. (up until Drizzle Season 2023, at least) But these problems have been absolutely blown out of the water. Fucking, death threats have been sent to people who join the Shiver's teams. Despite the whole appeal of the Splatoon community being a place of self expression and lack of judgement, a lot of Splatoon subcultures really... aren't that great. Being deadass, competitive Splatoon is boring, and its players are super rude and annoying. I don't like to generalize, but I've yet to interact with a single comp player I enjoy talking to. Every single one I've met has tried forcing me to play a certain way, no matter if I'm even fucking playing with them. I was harassed for using sticks. In a B- lobby. Back when I was new to Splatoon 2. The hacking scene is a dumpster fire. The main person who's created the most well known and fun Splatoon hacking system is a piece of shit, for one. For two, have you even touched the first game anytime after 2017? Yeah, it's full of hackers. Can't play turf war for 15 minutes without having to sit there and not play the game because someone is hacking and getting away with it because Nintendo doesn't moderate the servers anymore. The Coroika fandom is if you took Splatoon fandom and infected it with My Hero Academia fans. Yeah. Are any of you familiar with Splatoon Florida? It was an old parody account on Twitter that I used to own that got popular SUPER fast. Could not handle it. It spawned nearly 50 clone accounts based on the other 49 united states, and I had even gotten impersonation accounts pretending to be me and saying really, really awful things. This paired with the queerphobia I faced and hatemail in general stacked on top of my mother having multiple strokes and almost dying at the time, pushed me over the edge, and I deleted SplatoonFL after someone told me that they hoped my mother had another stroke and died. Now, I feel like shit for name dropping people in my vent, as it's been awhile since most of this garbage has happened and I don't want to seem petty, plus this isn't intended to be a callout post. But I really do feel the need to let this shit out of my system, and frankly I'm tired of watching these people be appreciated while remembering what they've done to me, small and insignificant or not.

Theecorner, AKA Danniee, banned me from their Discord server after I loudly expressed distaste for jokes being made about Dream, as I was one of Dream's victims and felt very uncomfortable bringing him up. Keep in mind that insinuated that I did not enjoy the conversation multiple times.

Pufuu had made a Twitter post with a screenshot of our DMs. I was irritated that he had kept making fake Splatoon leaks with zero indication of them being concepts, and he thought that was wrong. A couple Tweets before this, ironically, he boasted about getting another annoying fake leaker to block him.

Caitlin Koi had acted aggressive towards me after I expressed concern for her after a seizure which, her seizures are very much real and very dangerous, though I should mention she also uses them as an excuse to be an asshole and guilt trip people.

Vaqeii. Fuck you. (He has very few actual fans, I just wanted to express my hatred towards that fucking slime since he's also one of the Splatubers who had traumatized me.)

I'd like to restate that I don't regret my time in the community one bit. I love it here for the most part. It's just gotten far too much, and I'm. Frankly a little bit done and ready to move on. I'll try to keep strong and stay for a bit so I can enjoy the rest of Splatoon 3's update cycle with my friends and the people I enjoy being around. After that though, unless something happens to change my mind, I'll be gone after that.

Knowing the current state of the Splatoon community, I wouldn't be surprised if I started getting harassed again for this post. Hell, wouldn't it be hilarious if THIS vent post got screenshotted and edited to be about Roller Coaster Tycoon, to? Yeah, that was a thing that happened. No, I haven't forgotten about that. You know who you are. Real fucking proud of you, I am.

#splatoon #splatoon 3 #vent #splatoon 2 #octo expansion #side order #nintendo #nintendo switch.#transphobia #queerphobia #death threats #harassment #seizures #stroke

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bubby-paws · 2 years

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[ORR] Ikemen Prince: Beauty and Her Beast - Licht Klein Route Review.

Hello everyone, this is my second route for CYBIRD's Ikemen Prince: Beauty and Her Beast. And we will make a review about it today. I will also compare the three routes I've had so far!

MAIN PLOT: You are an ordinary citizen of Rhodalite that works in a bookstore, living life through the stories written in books. One day, your pure heart caught the eye of a Royal Minister turning you into 'Belle'. Your job is to discern which of the 8 Princes are worth to be the next King of Rhodalite. With their own charms, any blossoming love will be doomed by the Clause 99 of Belle's Covenant.

MAIN ROUTES: 1st Prince Jin Grandet, 2nd Prince Chevalier Mitchel, 3rd Prince Clavis Lelouch, 4th Prince Leon Dompteur, 5th Prince Yves Kloss, 6th Prince Licht Klein, 7th Prince Nokto Klein, and 8th Prince Luke Randolph. Minister and King's Regent, Sariel Noir and, Your Butler, Rio Ortiz.

Currently, Sariel, and Rio's routes are not yet released but Season 2 Prologue is out, introducing the three upcoming routes after Sariel and Rio.

My third route for this game is, 6th Prince Licht Klein. He is the older twin of Nokto Klein. He is portrayed as the quiet Prince, aloof, not interested in befriending anyone.

SPOILERS AHEAD FOR HIS ROUTE!

Licht Klein was introduced as someone that is cool and distant from everyone. When I first met him in the story, I really didn't find any interest in his character at all, his design is pretty but nothing too outstanding and his distant attitude didn't really seem to attract me, too. Ultimately, I chose him after Yves just because I really didn't want to play Clavis or Nokto's route just yet and I thought it would be different to choose a character I wouldn't really pick first.

In the first part of the story, he is very distant and Belle tried to befriend him through Yves. I didn't really see anything unexpected from his character in the game, I knew he would be the way he was when I chose his character. One of the first interaction is when Licht left his gloves after the tea party with Yves and took it as a chance to spark a conversation with him. Which is very effective, considering the photo we got from that.

Licht didn't have a big character development right after this scene though which I liked. I appreciate when stories have a semi-realistic feel to it. Belle continued to try to talk to him and get closer to him but Licht kept pushing her away. Why he was that way is not easy to figure out either, asking Nokto for why Licht is that way also didn't gain any answer for Belle because they both have complicated personalities stemming from a complicated backstory.

The complicated backstory, how hard Licht is to get to know mixed with how kind and sweet he really is made me love his character after a while. Licht and Nokto were born twins, there's a saying that when twins are born, the other one makes good luck and the other makes bad luck. Licht convinced himself that he is the one that creates bad luck and basically everything bad that happens to everyone around him, he thinks is his fault.

He talks about sinning, later on, Belled found out that he killed his mother in order to protect Nokto. They were told to fight each other until one is left, he had no other choice. The King made sure he didn't receive any consequence and this caused him to be eaten by guilt. All of these situation, made him the way he is and honestly, it made him so lovable.

He is vulnerable and fragile, unlike other Princes but is also very strong, courageous, kind and sweet. He is one of those characters, I think, people will find hard to hate.

His character development is slow but you can tell there is progress, the storyline itself is stressful but I became more worried about his well-being more than what's happening. His story definitely is stressful though, considering he almost died and the part where he almost got executed. Although that is the case, we get to see the bond he and Nokto actually have which is great to see.

Belle and Licht never fully confessed to each other, they used the word 'adore' and 'hate' to convey how much they like each other. A lot of kissing scenes as well which is surprising from Licht's character as well.

The ending though is a little bit weird for me, they weren't meant to see each other after she chose the King, in which she chose Leon for. But Licht was still able to visit her once in a while. In the end though, they ended up dating without any consequence from the royal court which I'm curious what would happen but it was never showed.

What I like about the ending is that Rio is so opposed to Licht compared to the other princes that I've taken. But that is with good intent. Overall, it's not a full happy ending but it sure feels realistic in terms of Licht's character.

I chose the Romantic Ending this time for Licht as I wanted his outfit. I will definitely go back to his route for the other Ending, too

COMPARISON TO CHEVALIER AND YVES ROUTE:

Compared to Yves and Chevalier, his story is definitely closest to Chevalier in terms of the complicated storyline. Although Yves also has complications in terms of other Kingdom, his character is not as hard to breakthrough compared to Chevalier and Licht.

That being said, I think Licht is my favorite route and Chevalier being my second one!

Anyway, Season 2 Prologue is out and it is said that Sariel is going to be out next month! For now, I'm starting Clavis' route so expect him as the next review!

#ikepri #ikepri licht #ikepri spoilers #ikemen prince #otome route review #orr #otome #licht klein #licht

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thecandywrites · 1 year

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Monster March 2023- Day 30- Slimeperson/Symbiote Part 2

Acceptance Or Rejection?

@borealwrites almost there. This has five parts and then I'll just have one left. I can do this. Thank you everyone for your patience.

Part 2

Acceptance or Rejection?

The next morning Allison woke up and found herself holding her husband’s hand.

“Corey?” She whispered but he didn’t move.

“Astral?” She whispered and Corey’s form opened their eyes to reveal the same eyes she had seen in her dream world and Astral smiled happily that she would and could call to him and he would always answer her.

“Good morning my Amazing Alleviator Allison.” Astral greeted back as Allison watched as Corey’s eyes had changed to show Astral’s eyes which caused her to scream and push him away and fall out of bed but Astral’s self in her kept her from hurting herself as she was at first, quite startled and had a flight response.

“What the fuck?! That was real?! You’re real?! You really are an alien, from outer space, that took over Corey’s body?!” She shrieked as she backed herself up into a corner.

“Ah, sorry, I thought it would be better to meet in the dream world before meeting in the waking one.” Astral sheepishly offered as he moved to get out of the bed and slowly approach her.

“I promise and swear to you, I’m not here to hurt you or your children or anyone else you love and care about.” Astral calmly reassured her in the most calming and soothing tone he could as he tried to keep her from physically having an allergic reaction to his physical presence within her.

“Where’s Corey? The real Cornealious?” She asked him.

“He’s…he’s still sleeping and still dreaming.” Astral answered.

“And you’re just…borrowing his body?” She asked as she gestured to his form.

“Yes.” Astral confirmed before he took another step towards her and instead of backing away further, she simply stared harder at him with a confused frown deeply set into her beautiful face.

“But it’s me, Astral. I just need to borrow this form for a very small time. There are things I need to do in this form right now before I can fully move to you or any other form you desire that is compatible.” Astral reassured her as he used this form’s hands to pat at his chest.

“You said, I was your….alleviator? What’s the deal with that?” She asked.

“Alleviator like Aleve, the pain killer?” Allison shook her head as she tried to wrap her head around it.

“Yes, exactly, but a it’s a bit more complicated than that. An alleviator is a term in my world and culture that means, someone, who not only is genetically, physiologically, mentally, emotionally and physically perfectly compatible to achieve perfect symbiosis when paired with a being of my kind. Think of it, like, moving from hotel room to hotel room to finally moving into your permanent home. But the home itself is sentient and it is one that is just a house until you make it your home and that together, the house and the person both choose to make that house the home for them both. You’re my home, my forever home because you have the physical form that can withstand your world’s conditions and, frankly, you’d never survive my homeworld without me and if we were reversed, it would be you residing with me.” Astral tried to explain as he tried his best to change this fom’s voice to reflect his own.

“Oh.” Allison simply blinked a few times rapidly as she tried to understand that, and appreciated the illustration, even as…abstract as it was.

“I’ve traveled so far and I’ve been searching for so long. But I found you and I couldn’t be more happy and relieved and thrilled to finally meet you and to know that you’re so much more than I ever could have wanted or asked for.” He offered as genuine tears came to his form’s eyes as his voice almost choked completely out with emotion as Allison just looked at Astral’s form in shock.

Because she had never seen her husband cry. Not when they found out they were expecting, not at the birth of their children, or the death of his friends or other family members- nothing.

“Normally, I would not take a form so close to you, but the person in this form was a threat to you and to your beloved children, and I couldn’t allow that threat to continue, not without an answer and recourse. I can also promise and swear to you, that this form’s hands will never touch you without your permission, and neither will this voice, never again will Corey ever insult you or demean you or harm you with anything they say or even yell and scream. I promise and swear to you that I am in enough control over this form that it will never do anything that would ever cause you hurt or harm or cause hurt or harm to your children, or anyone else that you love and care about.” Astral vowed before Allison’s labored and panicked breathing started to slow and her flight response was lessoned as the reality of the situation began to sink in to her consciousness as Astral did his best to make sure she wouldn’t reject him in any other sense either because right now, the bridge between them was still new enough and delicate enough, one firm wave of refusal would destroy it all and it would take who knows how long to rebuild it.

“Allison, look at me. Corey will never hurt you again. He will never see or speak to you without you wanting him to. And I know that you know, deep down, that your children deserve a better father. And I know for a fact that you deserve a better husband and partner in life. Don’t feel guilty about the reasons you married Cornealious. You had your reasons, just like I had mine as a means to get to you. But what is important, is that we’re together now and that from now on, you don’t have to worry about anything other than deciding what you want for yourself and for your children and your benefit and their benefit first. Please, do not let an unrequited sense of loyalty that Corey was never worthy of, or a fear of what he could ever try to do to you or the kids in response or retaliation ever keep you from gaining your own freedom of him and his awful family. This is your chance to choose for yourself instead of responding to other’s chances for you. If you really do not want me and refuse me and reject me, as much as that would hurt me, I would respect it, because it’s still your decision and your permission that needs to be had and respected, whether you choose to give it to me or not. But please, don’t choose Corey over me, I will find you someone else, anyone else in the world. But Corey was on his way to kill you in your sleep and hold your own children hostage should you even breathe wrong in another man’s direction. And yes, he was about to divorce you over the stupid fact that you were busy cleaning and caring for your children over getting him a beer from the fridge and he had counted the steps it took for him to get to the fridge, and using each step as a marker for how many mistresses he was going to take while he got a divorce from you and stole your children from you and dumped you into the street and dump you into the worst depression of your life and one that you would never recover from and one that he would have lied to your children about for the rest of their lives because he didn’t want to get up off that damn couch to get himself a beer. He’s the worst kind of monster. And I love you and I love your children too much to ever have him be a threat to you or them ever again.” Astral urged her as he took a few more steps with his hands up in surrender.

“I want to speak to Corey, the real Corey, and I want some answers from him.” Allison immediately demanded angrily as hot tears welled and fell from her eyes.

“He will lie to you, I know what you want to ask, and I can tell you, without my interference, he will lie to you, he will deny everything he’s guilty of and blame you for everything you’re innocent of.” Astral warned her.

“Then is there a way you can ask him the questions and get the truthful answers and tell me?” Allison asked.

“Yes.” Astral offered.

“Is Corey cheating on me?” Allison asked.

“Yes, he has never once been faithful to you. Not even on your wedding day.” Astral readily answered.

“Who has he been cheating on me with?” She asked before Astral listed them all off for her.

“I knew it! But the second I look at any other man Corey is accusing me of throwing myself at them.” Allison practically growled as she simply sat on the floor and held her head in her hands as she rested her elbows on her knees before Astral eased down onto the floor opposite of her with his back against the bed as close as he dared without invading her personal space any more than she would tolerate at the moment.

“And he’s also the one responsible for…” Astral began to list off all the sexually transmitted diseases he’s picked up from all the other lovers he’s had and had passed them onto her, which she treated with the utmost secrecy, for fear of his wrath and speedy divorce because that was one of the things listed in the prenup as being grounds for divorce and her losing her children to him.

“Oh God, I need to get another round of medicine to…” Allison started to say.

“No you don’t. I’ve already cured all of that from and last night, when you gave me permission to partially enter you, I cured you and the kids as well, you and the children as well as this form are now in perfect health, until I need to vacate this form. Then I will return them to the condition I found them in.” Astral was quick to reassure her again.

“And Corey will just…sleep through it all? Won’t he realize he’s lost a day?” She asked.

“No, the dream sequence I’ve put him in is a simulation of his reality. So to him, he closed his eyes for a short nap, and then woke up and continued on with his day as if nothing is any different than before he took a nap and that nothing is the matter at all, in fact, to him, he’s still sleeping and you’ve already awoken to get the kids up and dressed and breakfast started and dreaming about all the lovers he’s taken on so far and probably meeting a new one if he could get away from you for only a few minutes at a time.” Astral offered before Allison scuffed in disgust.

“He really is a pig.” Allison groaned.

“Yes, I apologize I couldn’t get to his form sooner and save you from it’s previous occupant” Astral offered as Allison cracked a crooked grin.

“Corey couldn’t even spell occupant. He liked to use fancy words tin business meetings and because of his connections, no one ever corrected him when he misused them and then he would come home and try them on me. I used to try to correct him so he wouldn’t sound like an idiot. He slapped me for making him look and sound like an idiot.” Allison admitted.

“And it could only get worse from there, so you stopped.” Astral recalled with a deep sense of sorrow.

“Yeah, then I got verbally beat up for being a ‘dumb bitch’. Total catch 22- damned if you do, damned if you don’t kind of thing. That’s why once the kids came along, I was grateful I could retreat into them and make them my whole world and keep my head down and just try to be perfect, not make any mistakes he would be upset with me and try to find a way to “punish” me for, like I too was a child.” Allison rubbed the last of her sleep from her eyes and just held her head in her hands, wondering how she lived and managed to survive three kids with Corey and feared a fourth would break her completely.

“I guess I should count my blessings that you found him now. And at least from now on I don’t have to worry about…” Allison trailed off with a tired sigh.

“No, not at all. Don’t worry about this form or the person you’ve come to know in it. Think of me as an alter personality for him. And what you’ve dealt with is the horrible manchild Corey, and I’m…”

“The Corey I thought I was marrying but a million times better because you’re not Corey at all? Just…someone who looks exactly like him and is impersonating him?” Allison guessed as the smallest of smiles threatened to bloom on her face.

“Yes, he did the ‘bait and switch’ on you and so I’ve simply done my best to switch him back for you. And from now on, this form will serve you and your family the way it was always meant to, until I can find a replacement because even being this close to you, this form causes you unease and discomfort.” Astral reassured her before he watched with a smallest bit of relief when her body and spirit relaxed and came out of the shock and came right to acceptance, which was, for Astral another great relief.

“Thank you.” Allison thanked him.

“Wait, why aren’t the kids awake? I would have thought my screaming would have woken them up?” Allison answered.

“Oh, I um, well I put a little…think of it like a pet’s GPS tracker, into them to keep them asleep so we could talk in peace and undisturbed. They will wake up when you’re ready for them to wake up.” Astral said.

“Wait, you’re not using them the way you are using Corey are you?” She asked as her guard went right back up.

“No, never. Think of what I’ve done as them taking a sleepy gummy. That’s all and other than keeping asleep right now, I’m not controlling them in any sense that I am of Corey, it was just a matter of sound proofing their ears so they could sleep undisturbed until you calmed down, you could call for them now though and they will wake up and answer you. They are your children. They are practically sacred and are to be protected and cared for to the same extent you are to be, and it would be my honor and privilege to do so. I will kill to protect them, same as you, no matter who it might be that would mean them harm. I understand that all children need instruction and loving discipline, but Corey used “discipline” to be abusive. And no such abuse will ever be repeated or tolerated.” Astral assured her as her guard dropped back down again and Astral felt like he could breathe just a bit easier now that Allison knew herself and her children were well and would be cared for.

“Oh, ok, thank you.” She blew out a breath of relief.

“Would you like to get up off the floor?” Corey asked as she seemed to relax a little more, at least physically.

“Yes.” She said before he offered her his hand and helped her to her feet.

“Thank you.” Allison smiled gratefully.

“Could I give you this?” Astral asked as he used part of himself to make the ultimate credit card and handed it to her. It looked like one of those fancy credit cards that looked like it had a real diamonds and other jewels set right into the gold and platinum of the card itself before he gave her a second one that looked more simple and if anything, a bit ordinary but because it was clear and the clear part had an iridescence and a shimmering sheen to it so that while it was more discrete looking, it would still be aesthetically pleasing.

“What is it?” She asked as she tentatively took them and looked at them.

“Think of them as credit cards with unlimited limits and ones that you never have to pay the bill on. One of them is obviously for discretion and one is obviously meant to be shown off. Because in my time on Earth, I’ve learned that ‘money talks, but that wealth whispers’ one is for talking, one is for whispering. Use them as you wish and how you see fit. I know Cornealious did his best to control you in every aspect possible, including financially. But no longer, you are now fully independent and free of him in every sense, especially financially. Use it to buy for yourself and your children or even your not so immediate family members, whatever you want or need. My treat, literally.” He smiled.

“Really?” She asked in delight.

“Yes. And all I need is contact with Cornealious’ devices and electronics and I’ll see to it that all of your personal finances are taken care of and that you are now fully in control of yourself, your life and your family’s well being without Cornelius' interference or undercutting.” Astral offered.

“Maybe I’m the one who got taken over by an alien and I’m in a dream world. Because this is too surreal, and practically too good to be true.” She couldn’t help but laugh as she held them as if they were the most precious things she ever held in her hands, besides her own children.

“Thank you so much.” She couldn’t help but hug him.

“You’re welcome Allie.” He offered as he hugged her back and didn’t know what was better, to be in his alleviator or to be in a separate form to hug her and offer her physical affection and to have that affection mirrored.

“Wait, you really are an alien, because never in his life did the old Corey smell this good.” She laughed as she could literally smell just how different the Corey she married now was- even on a pheromonal level.

“Good, I’m glad you approve, here, is this better?” Astral changed Corey’s appearance to better suit Allison’s tastes as well as her children.

“Now people are going to think he got plastic surgery.” Allie laughed.

“Well, how about a little at a time, let people get used to it.” He offered as he dialed it back just a little.

“Ok, now only if I could do that.” Allison teased.

“Of course you can Allie. Just tell me what you don’t like about yourself and I can fix it and help you to become your ideal version of yourself so you feel more authentically you.” He offered.

“Really? Oh, yeah, last night, my permission, when you asked if you could…inhabit me?” She tried to think of what she could remember from her dream.

“No, not inhabit, cohabit, but yes, if you still give your permission we could cohabit the same physical form as much or as little as you are comfortable with, the small bit of myself I put into you, is helping to sustain the rest of me that is in Corey.” Astral explained.

“Oh, I see. Ok.” She giggled before she went into the bathroom with him to start changing herself how she always wished she could look and be like as Astral was practically drunk off of her own happiness and delight, like it was the best drug ever. Because the happier she was with herself, the happier he was that she fully accepting herself with him.

“Happy?” Astral asked once she was done and while Astral was still learning why and how humans found themselves and each other “sexy” to them, Allison was already perfect in every way, before and after her small physical alterations. But if this is the way Allison liked her physical form, he was happy and content to love it how she wanted it.

“Yes, very.” She beamed happily.

“Good. And please know that, from now on, eat whatever you want, your metabolism will always keep this body how you want it and your own senescence has been halted for now. And of course, your own strength, stamina, endurance and other functions have been enhanced.” Astral informed her.

“Thank you. Talk about the find of a lifetime. I’m so happy right now I could cry. Finally, I get the husband I always wished I had held out for to marry.” Allison offered as she began to get dressed, tickled with how good she looked and how free she finally felt in her own body and in her own skin, like she was finally healed and whole in a sense. She could already feel and sense the symbiosis and it’s mutually beneficial benefits before Astral let himself form a diamond necklace around her neck. Something small, but something timelessly beautiful and something she could always wear and wear with anything and everything and feel just as beautiful, cared for and cherished now as she had ever felt in her life. All because it was Astral, literally a being made of stardust that knew and felt she was someone special. Someone worth protecting, worth making sacrifices for, worth working hard for, worth everything they had to care for properly and rightly and never use or abuse.

“Oh just wait, hopefully this is just the beginning and things will only get better from here.” He smiled happily before he helped her finish getting dressed, customizing her clothing to fit her just the way she wanted it to before he dressed his form and then helped her cook breakfast for her family while also cleaning as he went so that the condo was beautiful and clean for Allison and her family.

“Oh, I’m in trouble.” Allison giggled.

“No? How are you in trouble? How is this a joke?” Astral asked.

“Because you haven’t been with me for a whole day and already you’re spoiling me rotten.” Allison explained.

“Oh, I haven’t even begun the spoiling, all of this is simply correction. Once everything in your current circumstances is changed to suit you best and to sustain you, then I really get to spoil you as rotten as you can stand.” Astral promised as Allison felt a sense of relief that she could take Astral at their word and trust and believe every word.

Once breakfast was done and the place was much cleaner, he let the children wake up and come to eat breakfast as Astral used his form to tenderly care for his family.

He apologized to each child for not being the father they deserved, but that from that moment on, he was going to do everything he could to be the best father to them that he could be and the best husband to their mother. And that they were a team and needed to work together. As once again, the children accepted Astral in front of their mother and were happy to not have their own relief that last night’s events were not a dream.

And while Allison was, at first a little surprised that her children realized that their Daddy wasn’t their real Daddy, she was happy that she really hadn’t left her children with their true sire. And that Astral had begun his transition in Corey’s form to them last night since they were younger and could sense the change sooner than she could and therefore accept the change sooner than Allison got to.

But the whole experience got Allison to cry tears of relief and happiness to finally see Astral do and say what she always wished the father to her children- could do and say. But with the relief of not having to deal with Corey ever again. Allie kissed him gratefully and sweetly as he kissed her back sweetly before he helped get them ready for the day and helped clean up the dishes after breakfast so that it wasn’t all on Allie and if anything, teaching her children to be responsible and how to help care for the family as a whole and teach them important life and self sufficiency and responsibility skills in such a sweet and kind way too.

Allison had the best day yet. Everything was perfect. Her husband? Practically perfect in every way. Her kids? Little angels and so well behaved. And because of those little “GPS” trackers, Astral could immediately tell her what they were really feeling and help them communicate their needs and wants and help them take the gentle ‘no’s’ she needed to tell them so they wouldn’t be the spoiled brats Corey really was. And Allison could literally buy anything she wanted and needed without worrying about “Corey” getting mad or challenging her or punishing her for “wasting money”. And to do so especially when that was all Corey seemed to do anyway before getting “bailed out” by his parents. The whole time, preferring the more simple and discrete card to do so. Because she was much more of the ‘wealth whispers’ kind of person. And she also didn’t want to risk anyone seeing the more fancy one and steal it for it’s precious components, even though it had been the most beautiful thing she had ever seen in her life, as she ran her fingertips over the designs in the card itself.

And Astral, using Corey’s form, was able to start to undo all the horrible things Corey had done so far. As well as tell his parents exactly what he was guilty of and what he had done and put Allison in the clear and they called it a ‘coming to Jesus’ thing. Which, Astral understood was a human nature- religious thing and excused that the reason for his slightly changed looks- was him getting on the best diet ever and that his eye color change was a new set of eye contacts he was trying out. And once Astral got on Corey’s phone and especially his laptop, he was able to do so much more for Allison’s benefit, including destroying all those prenups, as well as getting himself the best life insurance policies for the eventual death of this form.

Because Allison, just looking at this form, even as changed as he tried to be in private, Astral could tell she was still fighting seeds of doubts that at any moment Corey was going to come out and take control of his body again and reverse everything and make her pay oh so dearly for everything.

So he needed to set Allison up for success now and be on the lookout for a better host, one that Allison and her children would accept into their family because Astral loved and adored the “Allie” in Allison’s kids as he did his best to slowly repress and replace the “Corey” in them, slow and steady, steady and slow to keep them from rejecting the process, but still keeping “enough” of Corey in them that once their friends and family would see them again, they would still be recognized and still pass any “DNA” test anyone would try to perform as he and Allison put the kids to sleep together, watching on fondly as they all happily went to sleep in their beds, even the crib that the youngest one had to be in before they could relax and unwind as a couple for the evening.

“So, I know your current home isn’t exactly what you wanted, so I wanted to know if you wanted to sell your current home to buy a new one? Or did you want to build one, perfect for us?” Astral asked that evening after he finished undoing everything he could from where he was on vacation and finished working on Corey’s laptop.

“Ooh, don’t tempt me beyond what I can bear.” Allison giggled as she slipped onto the couch beside him with a bottle of wine in one hand and two wineglasses in the other and set them down on the coffee table. Allison wanted to get to know the real Astral, not just the “Corey” Astral had to play in public. But those eyes, it was the eyes that let her know that it was Astral and not Corey and those eyes seemed to be little universes themselves but, oh how brightly they glowed for her as Astral gave her that same confused frown he did that morning when she had teased him at breakfast.

“It’s ok, it’s a joke, obviously. Ok, um, I would love to build my real dream house. And I know exactly where I want to have it too.” She began.

“Yes, I already know. That’s what I’ve been working on, it’s already all here. I just wanted your permission for the building to begin.” Astral began as they moved the screen to show Allison what they had been working on once Allison washed the makeup off her face and got changed in a comfy nightgown she had bought and laundered that day.

“Oh my goodness, it’s even more beautiful than I ever could have imagined. Ok, I know most people would be so weirded out that someone else was in their heads and able to read their minds, but this is amazing and perfect. Yes, do it. Wait, can we afford it?” Allison asked.

“Oh yeah, don’t worry about it.” Astral waived off as he was able to let Allison hear his real voice through Corey’s mouth, he had been slowly shifting into it all day but Allison had heard and picked up on it. Especially his thoughtful, sweet and intelligent conversation with her as the whole day was practically one big first date for them in a sense.

“Oh, are you using the same technology that’s powering the credit card?” Allison realized.

“Yes, and as of now, all of your debts and Corey’s debts are paid off because you just had very, very wealthy, very, very distant relatives die and you’re an heiress to their massive fortunes. Really, for as advanced that your civilization is on Earth, you’ve done remarkably well for making your technology so easy to hack and manipulate. And with just a few key strokes, I can see to it that a person has everything they would ever want or need, or that ones that have oppressed my alleviator, or ones she hates- are devastated.” Astral grinned as he officially put in the order for it, just where she wanted it too.

“Oh no, what did you do to Corey’s parents?” Allison gasped.

“Nothing, nothing, well, not yet anyway, I won’t do anything to them without your permission, since they are, after all, your children’s grandparents.” He offered.

“Oh, good.” Allison nodded.

“Well I know they certainly deserve hell for what they’ve put you through, when they should be grateful that you’re the reason your kids are even half as good as they are. And not the little hellions they paid their undervalued foreign nanny to raise on their behalf.” Astral shrugged.

“I don’t think they’re all bad, it’s just, they’ve always been privileged and don’t know any other life than the one they’ve always had. And…I just wish they treated me like I was a member of the family, and not some outsider who just happened to win a “free” ticket into the family. Honestly, it’s been the most expensive thing in the world to me…” Allison began as she looked into the dark red liquid in her wine glass.

“Because it cost you, your dignity and self respect, your confidence, your sanity, your peace of heart and mind and wellbeing. And such things are priceless and to put a price on the priceless, only cheapens it and I will do everything I can to restore all of that for you.” Astral sagely insisted.

“God I wish I could have the real Corey realize that.” Allison said as her eyes watered with grateful tears.

“He will, but probably, unfortunately, too late. Not unless you’re ok with me changing, or in some cases deleting and then recreating all new memories of times where Corey has hurt you instead of loving you so that every time you look at this vessel, your gut doesn’t lurch and you don’t feel dread in your bones.” Astral offered.

“No, if anything, I’m looking forward to you leaving Corey’s body, for dead- for all I really care. I just, I’m worried with how the kids will react once you leave Corey’s body and take on another. The kids love you as if you really are their true father, more than they love Corey, and more than he’s ever said or shown that he’s loved them, especially if every day after today is just as wonderful as today has been.” Allison worried before she began to bite at her thumb nail before Astral reached out to hold her hand to keep her from unintentionally hurting herself by doing that.

“Don’t worry. As long as you accept me, they’ll accept who you accept. Whatever form or vessel I have to take so we’re both happy and we can both accept each other as we are.” Astral began.

“But..how?” Allison asked.

“Well, I just took out very, very large life insurance policies. And once this vessel can do all that they can for you and the kids, then, when you’re ready, this form will come down with an incurable illness, like brain cancer and slip into a coma and die. You’ll be a widow, and I can meet you in a new vessel that, hopefully we’ll both like and then close this chapter in your life and open a new one.” Astral explained.

“Oh, good, so something I can’t be blamed for.” Allison nodded in agreement.

“Nope, not in the least.” Astral shook his head no.

“Will…will the original Corey, ever wake up? From the dream you put him into?” Allison asked.

“Do you want him to?” Astral asked.

“Yes and no?” Allison grimaced.

“Why yes?” Astral asked.

“Oh, just so that I can tell him what I really think of him and how he didn’t win. I thought I had practically given up all hope of ever finding myself again, because of how much of myself I thought and felt he took from me, or bought off of me. I felt like he…he broke me and I was just barely hanging onto all the pieces for the sake of the kids. And that I’ll finally, really, win and come out on top and that, I’ll finally get that happily ever after he convinced me, he could give me but never did, or gave me a version of it that I ended up paying too dearly for.” Allison offered.

“Consider such things already communicated to him. I’ll tell him at the right time, when he would be most devastated by that. Don’t worry, for every bit of hurt he’s inflicted on you, I’ll hurt him ten, if not a full hundred or thousand fold if you so desire.” Astral offered.

“Thank you.” Allison thanked and leaned her head onto his shoulder and smiled when he pressed a kiss into the crown of her head before he took a sip of the wine they had bought when they had gone wine tasting earlier that day before she lifted her head to kiss him, much deeper and with more love, care, affection and desire than she had ever done with Corey.

Allison was relieved when Astral didn’t even taste anything like Corey did either, thank goodness. And before she knew it, he had laid her down on the sofa, abandoned the laptop and fully transitioned into a person she had only known in her dreams so that the aversion she felt towards Corey and his body, both consciously and subconsciously was no longer felt.

“There you are.” She cooed as she held his face in her hands and looked up in awed adoration.

“Here I am, all the way across galaxies, just to come here to meet you. My one and only alleviator, my forever.” He cooed back before he kissed her deeper as he slowly, but reverently removed her clothing and finally got to enjoy the pure perfection she was, inside and out.

Allison moaned when the best and most perfect cock entered her. It was the perfect size, shape and even had extra features no human cock could achieve.

“Oh fuck that’s good.” Allison keened as her legs opened as wide as the couch would allow before he moved them to the room, his form easily and flawlessly moving them from the couch to the master bedroom to lay her down in the soft bed and under the covers so she could feel safe and comfortable as Astral’s mouth kissed up her jaw, gently nipped and nibbled at her ears after putting a set of perfect diamond earrings through her piercings in her ears before his mouth licked and sucked down her neck, zeroing in all of her erogenous zones, all over and all at once so that she was delightfully on the verge of being overwhelmed.

And now, he could have as many hands as he needed to- to hold and caress her and scratch at her back- just right while his hips stroked his cock into her, while he let her hands grab as much or as little of himself as she wanted as she was happy to do just that, run her fingers through his hair and scratch down his own back and kiss and nip and lick at him as his form mirrored hers as far as erogenous zones went so that she was able to give him just as much pleasure as he was giving her in this form.

“Astral!” Allie whimpered as the first orgasm bloomed in her body as Astral helped her have the greatest and most profound orgasm in her life.

“Wow, talk about an out of this world orgasm.” Allison laughed once she enjoyed the entire orgasm to completion and he paused to let her recover to a degree because her pleasure was only amplified in himself as he was quite proud of himself for getting her to that impressive peak.

“Want to see if I can do better?” Astral asked.

“How? That was..beyond perfect, how could it get better?” She asked.

“Want to find out?” Astral asked as he waggled his eyebrows suggestively as his smile was almost blinding and so beautiful to Allison.

“You know, I kinda do. Show me better, My Love.” Allison invited as she never thought she’d ever be so adventurous, especially with another being. But Astral was clearly, completely different and she felt as sure as the sun rose in the east, and set in the west, that Astral would be the one person to never let her down, or disappoint her, or hurt her, either accidentally or unintentionally. And would never dream of betraying her or being unfaithful to her either. Because Astral already knew her as well as he did himself and everything she knew and grown to love, even in such a short time, she, for once- had every confidence and faith in another being. Because she sensed how Astral only ever had her best interests in his big, beautiful heart.

And now sex with Astral was suddenly like having the best sex of her life while getting a full body massage to relax every tension and practically every fiber in her being too.

Astral however, knew he was over expending himself trying to please her so well and once she was fully sated and relaxed, he spooned her and cuddled her into bed and gently let her drift off to sleep before he had no choice but to slip out of the room and slip into the other rooms in the condo complex and consumed a whole group of college kids down the hall who were here on a vacation and who had been playing their loud music all week and kept the kids awake, even when Corey himself had had a “talk” with them, aka, joining them to party and blow money on the girls in exchange for sexual favors for the thrill of it.

But Astral had no choice but to practically consume them whole in an attempt to regain strength and stamina and had to move to nearly every other room on the floor before moving to another floor and doing the same thing to them too. And once he was good and full and fully restored to full strength and stamina, he slipped back into the condo his vessel was in with his alleviator as he kept the mind controller in Cory’s body and took refuge to fully rest in Allison.

#Monster March #Monster March 2023 #Monster March 2023 Day 30- Slimeperson/Symbiote #Monster March 2023 Day 30- Part 2

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trvelyans-archive · 2 years

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wip wednesday thursday

hello hello i was tagged by my lovelies @lvllns, @montliyets and @druidgroves to post a wip for wip wednesday and for once i actually have something!!! waow!!!

tagging whoever wants to do this as i am already a day late and i’m sure everyone has already been tagged!!! :D

“How was Ben’s welcome home dinner?” Jeremiah asks.

“It was fine.” Eli starts up the stairs, tip-toeing so that they don’t creak, and Jeremiah pads up behind him. “He wouldn’t shut up about his new girlfriend. Well – ex-girlfriend.”

“Sounds messy.”

“Yeah… he really likes her. He even said love, but then, y’know, tried to pretend that he didn’t. She broke up with him because she ‘liked him too much’ and ‘didn’t want to hurt him’, but – I think he took that as her saying that, like, she’s still gonna like him even though they’re broken up. I guess it makes him feel better, like it’s not really over. Which makes sense. But I don’t think it’s true, so...”

Eli opens the door to his room and leans over to flick the lightswitch. It takes a couple seconds, but eventually the lights on the wall come to life. Jeremiah follows him into the room and then jostles his shoulder as he skirts around him, beelining towards the bed and falling down onto it face first.

“Relationships are complicated,” he grumbles, nodding sagely.

It’s been a month since he broke up with Maisie. He doesn’t even really miss her. Mostly because he never really liked her to begin with… Well, he liked her, which is why he started dating her in the first place, but he didn’t love her. He’d never let a “love” slip out the way that Benji did. She wasn’t even the type of person he thought that he could love. Then again, who is?

Eli sits down on bed next to Jeremiah and pats his back. “You know you’re always welcome here,” he says softly. Jeremiah turns his head and beams at him.

“Thanks, buddy.”

“But you’re taking up too much of the bed.”

Jeremiah snorts, flopping onto his back and staring up at the ceiling. “Wowww. You’re so mean to me.”

“Mean? You wake me up at 2 a.m. and ask to sleep over, and you’re calling me mean?”

“You’re right.” Jeremiah glances over at him and tries to look as earnest as he can. “I am very appreciative of you being such a gracious host.”

Eli grabs a pillow and hits Jeremiah square in the face with it. “Scoot over, or you’re sleeping on the floor.”

#they're in love <3 #update jeremiah doesn't move onto the floor they fall asleep side by side on eli's twin XL bed god bless #anyway i'll never finish this i'm too lazy but.#my writing

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lady-delamort · 2 years

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DAY 7: FATHER

Day 6 ------- Day 8 Bonus Day!

PLAYLIST

Taylor Swift - Love Story

2:09 ────⊙─────── 4:11

↻ ◁ ɪɪ ▷ ↺

Romeo save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel

This love is difficult, but it's real

Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess

It's a love story, baby, just say yes

I got tired of waiting

Wondering if you were ever coming around

My faith in you was fading

When I met you on the outskirts of town

And I said, Romeo, save me, I've been feeling so alone

I listened to this song and my heart could only cry because of how Huwumi sounded, it moved me to the soul to imagine our ship.

I could imagine our Keigo fighting for our Fuyumi's love and attention, like Fuyumi's tone of being so lonely, how she seals her feelings for her and how much she appreciates our cute little chick. It broke my heart and filled it with tenderness, especially with the ending.

In addition, the scene of the father refusing the love between his daughter and his colleague sounded so Enji to me. HA.Becoming at some point a turning point for the relationship, because if they could overcome the terrifying Endeavor that wreaked so much havoc on Fuyumi and Keigo's memory, then they could consider having taken a big step.

Although the context moves a bit to the Victorian era where several romantic stories of the bourgeoisie are located, the truth is that I saw it at first as a scene at a hero party, where Fuyumi had accompanied a party like the Hero Billboard Chart JP and Hawks had approached her casually, until they both got closer when they realize that they really appreciate each other.

As it mentions that they were very young before, they may well have met before Hawks became number two, when they were just starting out at those parties, when things weren't that complicated for Hawks because of his high-ranking position. Or fully when he was number two.

I like to think that at first Fuyumi was the safe one, as if she had all the emotional control of the situation, when in reality she is so afraid and Keigo realizes that, and tries to solve it, trying to make her feel safe.

To Fuyumi, that carefree hero with a huge cracked heart, she began to become an anchor, and to Keigo, that pretty teacher was more than just a casual visit that took the load off his shoulders, she felt more like a company that he wanted to spend all his life. But due to their very different statuses and the consequences that their relationship would bring, many times they have to separate.

And Fuyumi thinks that he's actually going to leave her, when Keigo is trying to fix things so he doesn't burden her anymore until the big ending of the song.

@huwumi-events

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celestialmantdonna · 1 month

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Angsty Character Questions:

1. Is your muse afraid of death? 4. How easy is it to anger your muse? 9. What is one thing that would break your muse? 14. What was the most traumatic moment in your muse’s life? 16. If your muse could talk to one person they’ve lost, who would it be?

1. Is your muse afraid of death?

Thank you for sending this one in, because it's something I have wondered ever since I first tried to get inside her head (or the other way around, heh) when I watched GotG Vol. 2 for the first time back in 2017. Everything under the cut!

Mantis has always had a complicated relationship with death. In an ideal situation, death should be a very foreign concept to a kid, but to Mantis it was a consequence. Ego himself says in canon that "one after the other they failed me" (referring to his offspring). As a child, yes, Mantis was really scared of death, because... well, it wasn't like she could turn to her father to protect her. But Ego's children were immortal as long as he lived unless they were killed by a more powerful force (like Ego himself), so Mantis knew she wouldn't die unless her father said so.

When she betrayed Ego, Mantis deliberately gave up her immortality, which makes me think she isn't afraid of death. Not anymore. And anyone who threatens her with death will simply get a shrug in response, like "oh, I don't know, my dad has threatened to kill me for the last 750-ish years, but I'm sure that threat will work with someone else!" She has been far too afraid for far too long, so no, Mantis is not afraid of death. She doesn't want to die, she's not looking for death, but she is not afraid. Even less so after she died in the Snap and came back five years later.

Now, this does not apply when it comes to innocent people dying or those she loves dying. The thought of losing the Guardians scares her. A particularly painful headcanon I have is that the Guardians learned about Gamora's death, but Mantis saw it in Thanos' memories while she was holding him down in Infinity War, and she saw it from his perspective, so esentially Mantis felt as if she were the one throwing Gamora off a cliff. And that is something she will never, ever forget. Mantis barely had time to get to know her half-siblings before Ego took them away, but she has been with the Guardians long enough to love them. At the start of GotG Vol. 3, Rocket gets hurt and Mantis is crying, sobbing, shouting "no!" as she tries to keep him alive... It had nothing to do with the fact that her arm was broken, nothing to do with the pain she was getting from Rocket, and everything to do with the fear of potentially losing him.

4. How easy is it to anger your muse?

This one is also very interesting because Mantis was never allowed to be angry around Ego. As a child, she would think "wow, anger must feel really amazing if Ego wants it all for himself!" and then as she grew up she started to experience anger and she was like "...no? This is the worst? This is what Ego was gatekeeping?" She hates being angry, therefore she tries to avoid it.

Mantis is not easily angered at all, though it also depends on who she's talking with. If she thinks of you as a friend, an ally or family, you might upset her more easily because your words matter to her. In the Holiday special we see her getting angry at Drax a few times, because he knows her in a way no one else does. However, she also gets angry at Kevin Bacon, because she knows he is Quill's "hero". She might be angered when she's surrounded by too many angry people, or when someone she considers a friend is cruel to others.

Something I love about Mantis is that in GotG Vol. 3, she finally snaps and it's in defense of someone else. She gets angry at Nebula because she keeps insulting and pushing Drax, and Mantis steps in and fiercely defends him (even though she calls him stupid and Drax is like "...I don't think I appreciate this defense.") So yeah, generally speaking, Mantis is not an angry person. Instead, she bottles up anger for the battlefield. She turns it into something productive and helpful because she thinks anger is a very exhausting emotion.

9. What is one thing that would break your muse?

Basic validation. Like I'm not even kidding. If you praise her in any way or tell her how amazing she is, she will likely start crying at some point, because she won't believe you. Mantis is stronger than she gives herself credit for, it takes a lot to break her, but unfortunately she received so much psychological abuse back on Ego's planet that she has a hard time accepting positive attention, at least until she leaves the team at the end of GotG Vol. 3 to work on herself.

Other things that would leave her practically broken? Hmmm... Taking her freedom away. Take her freedom away and Mantis will have the worst flashbacks of her life on Ego's planet. Her freedom is extremely important to her. And also... Quill getting killed. If she loses her only sibling left alive, Mantis will physically feel her heart shatter. There's this scene in GotG Vol. 3 where Quill is freezing in space, and Mantis just screams his name. Pom's acting was excellent and I will never get over it. There was so much pain in that scream. So yeah, losing Quill would be extremely painful and Mantis would struggle all day, every day.

14. What was the most traumatic moment in your muse's life?

Oh, this one is easy to answer, because I'm answering with my headcanons. The most traumatic moment in Mantis' life was the moment she stumbled upon Ego's caverns for the first time. Before, she had been a happy child, living on Ego's beautiful planet, not a care in the world... except for the fact that Ego's children would mysteriously go missing, but that moment changed everything. She was the equivalent of a 7-year-old, and she was exploring, and then she found... that. She ran to Ego's palace and tried to tell him they weren't safe anymore and they had to leave. But Ego told her he knew about the bodies, because he put them there himself. And Mantis just... passed out. She fainted, because her mind couldn't process that.

In that moment, she knew she would never be safe. No one would help her. No one would save her. No one would protect her. The next few days, she would bring flowers to the caverns, she would sit there in the darkness and weep for hours because, even though she didn't know her siblings all that well, it wasn't fair. She cried for them more times than she can count.

16. If your muse could talk to one person they've lost, who would it be?

I think... Gamora, probably. A part of Mantis would want to meet her own mother too, but she doesn't remember her, she was very young when Ego took her to his planet. Mantis does not know whether her mother abandoned her or not, but in any case, she doesn't resent her mother. Mantis hopes she is okay, wherever she is, in this life or another. She would like to listen to her mother and hear her out, but I still think she would choose Gamora. Mantis would tell Gamora the Guardians love her, and they all miss her every day. She would tell her that Mantis would've loved to see Gamora and Quill getting married and being happy together, that Mantis is Quill's biological half-sister and she would've loved to be Gamora's sister-in-law. That her absence is painful, and that she was more important than some glowing orange rock. Grateful for the chance to speak with her, Mantis would tell Gamora the Guardians will always love her.

#[ out of emotions ] ooc.#[ i kept running for a soft place to fall ] headcanons.#tw death mention #tw abuse mention

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uselessboss · 1 year

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A Path We Walk Together(2/3)

Deep breaths.

He was undeniably nervous. It has been a while since he last went to an outing. Years in fact as the only one he ever went was his first, and last one as well.

They weren’t a bad group of people. They were nice, easygoing and had no ill intentions when they invited him to hang out. It was just them trying to be friendly.

The issue really relied entirely on him.

Things like smoking, drinking, frequenting bars until dawn while music blared in the background and dancing among strangers... It’s an interest he didn’t share with his peers.

They didn’t mock him or shame him for not sharing their interests but he could clearly tell how awkward he made everyone feel with his poorly unconcealed discomfort. He was always bad at faking things like that and it made him feel even worse the more they tried and the more he failed to connect with them.

“Wow look at that person, very eye catching don’t you think?”

“Do you have any type Wolf-boy?”

The topic of relationships, dating, and attraction to other people was something that came up quite a lot.

“I... Don’t think so”

“Nothing? Really? Or is it dating something you feel it’s not for you?”

“No, it’s not that. I don’t really have anything against it”

He didn’t dislike the idea of being in a relationship. To be drawn towards someone's qualities and being able to appreciate and cherish them sounded like a wonderful thing.

It wasn’t a problem of lack of interest, but more so his inability to do so in general. He didn’t know what he wanted from people or what kind of companionship he sought out.

He couldn’t stand the disconnection.

It was why he refused every single invitation later on. Because of the fear of messing up, of souring the mood and ruining everything for others. In the end he isolated himself.

He touched his reflection on the mirror.

Back then he always had a constant irritated look on his face, always frowning, terrribly uncomfortable and very hostile. The kind that kept everyone away.

Now his features looked softer, kinder, gentle.

Happier.

His life really took an unexpected turn ever since he met her.

Who would have thought that the person he had deigned as foul and immoral at first was the one to teach him the meaning of kindness and empathy? To be the one that seemed to understand and accept him the most?

His cellphone rang with a new message.

‘Meet us at this address, but don’t look up what it is, we want to see your reaction’ -Andrews sent.

Hunter chuckled at that.

Another unexpected surprise was how he and Andrews became good friends.

He didn’t think he would have got along with him either. Andrews was very extroverted, a “people’s person”, the type of person he usually had the least in common with.

It was another thing he had been very wrong about.

Despite his carefree and easy-going nature Andrews knew when to be serious. He was as much of a dedicated hard-worker as he was and very reliable, specially in social situations. It was impressive how Andrews had the ability to fill any silence, to make any conversation flow easily and make it work. He seriously looked up to the guy.

It was reassuring to have these two there for him and also why he agreed to their invitation. Because he knew that even if he somehow messed something up things would work out thanks to them.

He took another deep breath to steel himself and walked outside.

“A PaintBall Match?” Hunter blinked.

“Did it surprise you?” Andrews grinned, snapping a picture, no doubt finding his surprised face hilarious.

“We thought it would be a good way to starts things up, something that we three would be familiar with” Miller explained with a wink. “Althrough I might be a bit rusty with that”

“Ah that’s ok dear partner” Andrews grinned, mischiveous as he put an arm around Hunter in a complicity way. “Today me and Hunter are going to team up to take you down!”

“Wait. What?” Both Miller and Hunter spoke in unisson.

"Look, Miller would beat both of us in seconds if this was a “melee à trois”, so let’s make this a game of “catch” where we both try to get her”

“But... Wouldn’t that be unfair?”

“You are right” Andrews nods “We would need our entire unit to be fair, but I’m not paying for that so we have to make do with only the two of us”

Andrews might have said that as a joke, but at the same time it was very much not a joke.

He only saw small glimpses of it as they had to be more focused on the mission and danger at hand while on the field, but now that they were in an environment where she could go all out and he could take everything in properly he had to say...

Miller was indeed something else.

He had always wondered how his skills compared to hers but he was clearly beaten.

She was nimble, fast and so incredibly agile! He and Andrews came at her with everything they got (and Andrews was pretty skilled on his own too) but despite their best efforts she dodged everything they threw at her.

“Time’s up!”

“Awwww I thought we could pull it off” Andrews deflated. “Damn, you are way too strong partner, you make us look like peasants”

“What are you saying Andrews, you both are super strong” Miller took of her helmet, shaking her hair off. “It was pretty nice to see you go all out, no other human could match what you did in this match”

“Boooh you are trying to be nice”

“Well” Hunter cut, coughing. “Maybe we did it?”

He pointed at the side of Miller’s leg, where a small splatter of paint, barely a speckle stood among the black protection.

“Oh? I’m pretty sure I evaded all hits. How this thing ended up here?” Miller looked at it with interest.

“The paint must have bounced off on one of the walls” he explained. “If this was a real shot you could say... It was a ricocheted shot...?”

Hunter felt himself flush.

That was a very sad and lame attempt at doing a witty remark.

He was so embarrassingly bad at making jokes and quips.

“Andrews, wasn’t Hunter that landed the shot?” Miller grinned, amused.

“Hey, I played an important part on this feat!”

“Which is?”

“I distracted you! Being a live bait is a tough job you know?”

Their laughs echoed in the air.

Hunter didn’t remember the last time he laughed so much, or had this much fun.

He always worked hard and put a lot of thought and efffort in everything he did. If he ever attempted to better his results then it was more out of sense of trying to improve himself than anything. He wasn’t really competitive and didn’t care much to compare himself with others in a contest of pride.

This was the first time he felt like showing off.

“My Fucking God you two are merciless” Andrews dramatically cumpled on the chair.

The results were him in first place, Miller in second and Andrews in third.

“You two are not human” Andrews whined, “You make me look like an out of shape middle aged man having a mid-life crisis!”

“That’s... Oddly specific and descriptive Andrews”

“Ok, ok, time out you two” Andrews pouted. “This is my turn to rig the game in my favor, I’m picking what we do next”

“Andrews you don’t need to say the last part out loud”

“It’s a giant chess! Cool right?” Andrews smiled smugly. “I can’t even dream to beat you two in any physical activities so a battle of wits it is!”

“Are you calling us dumb dear partner?” Miller feigned mock offense.

“Nah, I’m calling myself smarter. And more cunning” Andrews jabbed back.

“So, who are you going to battle first?”

“Well, a certain SOMEONE gave me the ass beating of my life so maybe him?” Andrews zeroed on him. “C’mmon Hunter, this is payback”

Andrews was up to something.

He noticed as soon as Andrews insisted on him picking the white pieces, refusing to eat his peon piece or killing his queen at every chance he had.

He decided to play along, curious to see where he was going with that.

“My peon reached your base, so it can be promoted now” Hunter announced, placing the piece on the other side.

“Oh boy whatever should we do? You still have a queen piece so we don’t have a spare queen to use!” Andrews dramatically placed his hand on his head, really milking it, sighing very loudly. “Unless...!”

He gives a mischiveous smile as he walks right where Miller was sitting watching their match and offers her his hand.

Miller giggles with humor as she takes Andrews’ hand and allows herself to be lead to the spot where he had placed the peon, carefully nudging the piece aside.

“There we go! Miller can be “your queen” Hunter” Andrews grinned teasingly as he wriggled his eyebrows.

“I’m waiting for your orders your Highness” Miller also teased, making a mock bow in his direction.

“Y-You two are shameless! How can you make such an embarrassing joke with a straight face?!” He felt himself flush a deep red, his heart beating so fast to the point of making him think it would jump out of his chest at any moment.

Somehow Andrews still beat him in that match.

The results didn't surprise him, after all it had been quite difficult to pay attention to what was going on in that match.

After all, having to direct Miller to where she should go by taking her hand and leading her around was VERY distracting.

...Through maybe he was being a sore loser because Andrews beat both of them fair and square in subsequent matches. He did really have the smarts and skills to back up his earlier trash talk.

“HECK YEAH THE FIRST WIN OF THE DAY!” Andrews cheered. “Finally First Place of the day Baby!”

“Congratulations” Hunter chuckled. “And I guess that’s the first time I ended up in last place as well. I had no idea you were this good at playing chess Miller, were you secretely training for it?”

“I guess it's thanks to Johannes” Hunter felt his insides get frosty at the mention of that name. “Sometimes, during our spare time, we would play chess together and he would teach me a lot about the game”

Miller’s smile was fond.

He felt an ugly and unbecoming feeling stir inside of him.

“Welllllllll folks it’s almost lunch time so how about we follow up with our plans for it and guarantee a nice spot for our picnic?” Andrews thankfully diverts the situation, something he feels very grateful for. “Let’s make haste so it won’t get super crowded shall we?”

Hunter dropped his shoulders, sighing heavely as he entered his car, laying his head on the steering wheel as he tried to calm himself down once again.

He should have been happy for her.

She wasn’t flinching or in pain whenever she mentioned that man’s name anymore. It should be a good thing she can smile again, because that would mean she moved on from what happened.

“It’s none of my business if she decided to forgive him. That’s her choice to make, not mine” he berates himself. “...Besides, It would be a hypocrisy from my part when Miller also forgave me for everything I did as well”

He tried to tell that to himself over and over but it was no use. That foul and putrid feeling that festered inside him didn’t go away. The more he learned about their relationship, about how close they were, the more nauseous he felt.

Miller had moved the skies and earth for Johannes’ sake.

He had heard the stories. About how she had mobilized her entire unit to save his life and how she got the the person who conspired to harm him to be fired from his job. It always seemed like nothing could get under her skin and yet she completely lost her cool and got into a murderous rage because he was hurt.

When he and Miller stopped their daily routine of checking documents together he felt... Empty inside. He didn’t have any good reason or excuse to be around her anymore and it made his heart ache with longing. He sorely missed her warmth and companionship.

That was why he started to wait for her at the cafeteria and common room. To spend more time with her, even if only a few minutes more.

But she barely if ever frequented those places.

People told him that she constantly spent time together with Johannes, discussing plans, overseeing past reports or talking about improvements to be made for the sake of their team.

It was because he was her second in command, it was for the sake of work.

That’s what he thought at the time, or what he chose to believe it was, but...

‘during our spare time, we would play chess together’

Miller... She didn’t spend time with him exclusively for the sake of her job or out of obligation. She did it because that was something she genuinely wanted and enjoyed doing too.

It was frustrating how he had to struggle so hard to be allowed to have a bit of her time while Johannes had the monopoly of her attention.

It was easy to see that he was undoubtedly the most important person to her. It was so painfully obvious to everyone.

Everyone except that guy.

That day, despite them being still at odds because of their first disagreement ever she didn’t doubt his loyalty even once. Her wholeheartedly trust was not shaken at all, she still unconditionally believed in him.

Even the whole thing that lead to their disagreement in the first place happened because Miller was only thinking about his wellbeing. Even if she had went about it the wrong way there was no denying that it came from a place of care. She valued him so much that she was willing to put her own feelings and needs aside to prioritize what she perceived as his.

That day had been the first time he saw her tears. The first time she crumbled apart.

Maybe that was why the thought of that guy still mattering to her bothered him so much.

How ungrateful and selfish one could be?

How many of her precious memories and feelings were treated like worthless trash?

“... Sorry for taking so long, I hope I didn’t make you two wait for too long” Hunter apologized.

“Don’t worry about it” Andrews waved it of.

“Let’s dig in! I can’t wait to have a taste of your guys’ cooking!” Miller chirped, clearly excited.

“Damn Hunter you can really cook!” Andrews nodded in appreciation as he chewed the food with gusto. “Miller too, which is honestly the biggest surprise here, what with her screwed tastebuds”

“Andrews, the only thing I dislike are sweets, everything else is fine”

“Your food is also pretty good” Hunter nods back. “There are some pretty elaborate things here”

“Well, it’s only because you two were eating my food” Andrews shrugged. “Usually I don’t really bother, I just scrap whatever isn’t spoiled to eat”

“...Are you sure? Because that didn’t sound like a joke”

“Andrews your eating habits worry me a bit, I don’t think I saw you eating properly recently”

“Yes mom number 1 and mom number 2 I’m eating my veggies properly” Andrews rolls his eyes. “Also, you are one to talk dear partner, wasn’t Hunter feeding you his homecooked meals because you kept overworking yourself and skipping lunch?”

“W-Well, that’s...”

“See?” Andrew smiles smugly. “Althrough I bet that you two enjoyed the hand feeding, how scandal-mahwhahsh”

He shoved a mouthful of food inside Andrews’ mouth before he could spout any more embarrassing stuff.

“... Before we go I think I will need to use the bathroom. Could you two wait for me?” Miller announced after they finished eating everything and wrapped things up.

“Sure, go ahead Miller”

“Thanks!”

They watched as Miller disapperead in the crowd.

"So... How are you feeling now Hunter?” Andrews asked as soon Miller was out sights.

“Better. Thanks for the save back then. I hope I didn’t ruin things with my sudden sour mood”

“Nah, I understand.” Andrews shook his head. “Sometimes I also feel like that”

Andrews trully was something else.

His charisma was the real deal. It was what allowed him to diffuse any situation, no matter how awkward it was and to convince others to follow his lead and heed his words.

It was thanks to him that their unit got closer with each other and to Miller.

They were her unit, the people she handpicked herself, the ones that spent enough time with her to see past the rumors and understand her true good nature. Despite what Miller belived this wasn’t the main reason to why they felt discouraged to get closer to her.

Miller felt, for the longest time, unapproachable.

Even to him she felt like she was way out of his league. She was strong, composed and never seemed to need to rely on anyone but herself. She never showed weakness, never allowed herself to be vulnerable, always taking care of everyone but not allowing the same to herself. She didn’t allow anyone in.

Andrews changed their view on her. He showed everyone what the true Miller was behind the facade she had forced on herself.

Someone who laughs like them, someone who bleeds, someone who gets angry, someone that wanted to get close to them but was equally too awkward and unsure to know how to go about it.

Honestly it was no wonder why Miller seemed to regard him so highly. Not only because he was her old partner but also because he got her. He understood her needs better than anyone else.

“I wish I was like you”. Hunter voices his thoughts. “I wish I was able to support others like you do”

“You could be”

He snaps his head back at Andrews in surprise.

“I wasn’t like this from the start” Andrews smiles. “I was more like an anti-social loser who held a a grudge against the world because of the way I was mistreated by some rotten apples and because people wanted to forcibly change me to fit their standards”

Althrough the context might have differed Hunter felt he could relate to the experience. About people having their own ideal image of what he should be, getting disappointed and offended by said image not fitting their expectations and treating their real selves as something “wrong”.

“Then I met my dear partner, Miller” Andrews’ voice goes soft. “The circumstances of our first meeting were far from ideal. I was a very uncooperative asshole. Even told her point blank that I was only willing to do the bare minimum, and you know what she said?”

He chucked at the memory.

“That’s a surprising amount of leeway you are giving me”

“That sounds like her” Hunter smiled, recalling his own first meeting with Miller and how she had equally blindsided him with her unexpected answer of calling him a “good man” after a rough start.

“Miller never once tried to intrude on my boundaries. What I wanted to share about myself was enough to make her happy”. Andrews recalls the happy days spent together. “She... Always saw everything with a sense of wonder, cherishing every single moment like it a precious treasure and wanting to understand everything you showed her. She had a way to make the world around you seem far more interesting and better than you thought”

A kinder world. Where it existed someone that not only would accept you but also validate your existence, telling you that there was nothing wrong with being yourself and you could make someone happy like that.

“I started searching for ways to spend time together on our days off, to be more fun to be around, to be less moody and more appreciative. I wanted to share more things with her, good times”. She was really a wonder of a person, someone you would be lucky to meet in a lifetime. He was forever thankful that he was fortunate enough to have her in his life. “She really changed me. Where others had failed to do so, Miller had succeed without even trying and you know why right?”

“Because she never asked anything out of you”

“Yes. She never asked me to be anything but myself. Everything I did was out my own volition. I became a better person, but not a “different person” if that makes any sense”. Andrews nods. “If I smile, if I laugh it’s not because I want to humor her or anyone else, it’s because I really mean it”

He pats his shoulder.

“You might not think so because you still have some things you want to figure out but I think you are doing fine yourself Hunter. You’re a good person. You helped us a lot you know? Both Mille and me”

It made him happy to hear that.

He already considered Andrews his friend but it was still nice to know that he also thought of him as one as well. It seriously touched him.

“Hunter you don’t have worry so much about what we will think you know? Both me and Miller are also trying to figure this thing out as much as you are so take as much time as you need to find your pace”

“Figuring things out... Huh?”

“Hey everyone, I’m back! Sorry for taking so long, it was super crowded” Miller returns before she stops to stare at him.

“Is there something wrong?”

“No. I don’t think so” she shakes her head, smiling in an enigmatic way. “Are you having fun so far Hunter?”

“Yes. I really am”

“If you aren't too tired would you like to hang out a bit more with us?”

Hunter looked at their faces.

They were both smiling at him.

“Yes, I would really like that”

#My useless invincible boss #Crowa Miller(useless boss)#Wolf Hunter(useless boss)#Daniel Andrews(useless boss)

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