#note the clips that still had the bad frames at the end

[insanelyadd]

Made an AMV for The Collector and King set to Kids by MGMT. It was my first time making an AMV using pre-existing video clips and I tried to have them line up and be thematically relevant to the lyrics while also ordering them in such a way to create a sort of narrative. I hope I did a good job!

[satorena]

: ̗̀➛ TRAPPED WITH U !?

featuring. g. satoru x fem!reader

warnings. explicit content, foul language, intern!reader, businessman!gojo, satoru’s a bit of a pervert in this one, and also really fucking annoying but he’s just in love fr, oral, slight breath play, unprotected sex, breeding. they fuck in an elevator, and i use a lot of italics here, oops!

rena’s note. he’s so fucking insufferable i want him so bad. also this 4.3k words. i’m so sorry.

oh but of course, since the odds were always against your favour, had you found yourself stuck in this incredulous predicament.

it’d been a long day of enduring misogynistic, narcissistic higher ups and pricks, and you wanted nothing more than to hop in your car and drive off home, hop in bed and sleep.

sounded like an ideal and realistic plan, until the sole purpose of your life’s oppression waltzed in seconds before the elevator’s doors shut, pearly white teeth flashing through a smug grin and icy blues shimmering through dark shades that rested atop his nose bridge.

you huffed, almost at your wit’s end as the elevator’s door automatically reopened at the unwanted presence detected in its sensory, and the tall frame steps in with slow strides and a stupid fucking smile on his lips, hands in the pockets of his slacks, striding as if he stepped out of vogue’s magazine.

“see somethin’ you like, wifey?” satoru chuckled, stepping side to side by your posed frame. why he chose to stand beside in this very unoccupied elevator, you’d never understand but you did know you weren’t going to entertain his bullshit today.

you bit back the insult that rested at the tip of your tongue, “floor?” your index finger hovered over the panel, waiting for him to tell you.

“same as yours,” gojo shrugged, to which you decided on closing the doors instead.

“what business you got on the 2nd floor?” you muttered, suspicions growing at the fact that he coincidentally had shit to do on the same floor as yours.

the boyish smirk he flashed you sent chills down your spine, “whatever business you got on that floor.”

you sighed exasperatedly, soon piecing together that gojo was certainly not going to the second floor to pack his belongings to head home, seeing as he was one of the higher ups that spent longer hours in the office when the interns’ shifts would end.

you pinch the bridge of your nose; “gojo.” you say his name, tone clipped and full of fatigue.

“y/n.” he answers back with your name, a flashy grin baring on thirty two teeth.

you breathe in deeply, reminding yourself to count to ten before you lost your shit. you step near the control panel and press on the main lobby floor, the first, where you decide to send him off. chances were he was heading down there to do his daily flirting with the new secretary hired anyway.

“did ya change your mind?” his voice spawns from right at your ear, and you still in shock at his proximity, noting he’s much closer to you than earlier. “we goin’ to the first floor instead?”

“we are not going anywhere.” you tilt your head to the side, glaring at him through your falsies. he shifts his own head, still fucking smiling, feigning ignorance. “you are going to the first floor, and i’m going to the fifth.”

his smile drops, finally, but at what cost? “why would i do that?” he has the nerve to genuinely sound confused, as if you were the one not making any sense out of this situation.

“why wouldn’t you?” you counter back, lifting an index finger to place atop his forehead, before pushing his head back, “don’t you got better shit to do? like harass a newbie and disguise it as flirting or somethin’?”

“is that not what i’m doing right now?” he jokes, grabbing the finger that pushed him back. you scowl, a bit upset at the fact you walked right into that one.

“besides,” he speaks up, directing your finger towards the control panel once more. “what if i had business on the… seventh floor?”

you furrow your brows, your own eyes watching as he uses your nail to press on the seventh floor button. you try to ignore how warm and soft his hands feel against your, in contrast to the coolness of his rings.

“orrrr,” he drags out, tightening the hold on your hand once more and raising your hand higher on the panel. “what if i had business on the thirteenth floor? maybe the ninth too?”

“gojo.” you warn him, clicking your tongue when realizing what game he’s starting to play at. you definitely don’t feel goosebumps form at your skin hearing his chuckle resonate right in your ear.

“that german intern’s a babe, ain’t she?” he hums pensively, his thumb rubbing circles at the center of your palm. “i might wanna see her too.” he brings your hand to the eight floor and applies enough pressure to see it illuminate.

“are you fucking kidding me?” you get annoyed, attempting to rip your hand away from his hold but fail, when you feel him creep even closer in your bubble, your ass undoubtedly pressing into his crotch.

your eyes widen, half shock half disbelief, a sudden appearance of what seems to be gojo junior stirring awake poking at your short skirt. oh fuck.

“or,” he whispers, minty breath sending jolts of electricity up your back. he drags your hand messily over the panel, about three fourths of the floors illuminating and you know you’re fucked. “maybe i wanna stay stuck in here with you…”

you blink back to reality, dismissing whatever possible emotion you were beginning to feel emerge in your core. with a sharp tug, you manage to free yourself from his grasp and turned on your heel to face the tall bastard.

“i’m gonna need you to back off and instantly—you fuckin’ creep.” you snarl, pointer finger pointing at him accusingly, hoping it sets an exemplary distance between you both.

gojo breaks into laughter, the kind that has his shoulders shaking and has him doubling over as if you’d just told him the world’s greatest joke. you watch him dumbfoundedly, your left eye twitching as he continued to ridicule you.

“fine, fine. sorry princess, i was just teasing.” he pushes his frames up to his hairline, messy strands of hair pushed out the way as he wipes a fake tear from the corner of his eyes.

you roll your eyes, pushing past him to make your way back to where you’d been prior to these stupid events. if you were gonna be stuck on this elevator ride longer than necessary because of the pit stops, you’d simply ignore him and hope he catches the hint.

you stare straight ahead at the elevator door, feeling the ride descend from the twentieth floor downwards. fuck that tall, stupid and rich bastard for dragging this elevator ride past its needed time limit.

from your peripheral, you make out his form leaning forward to catch your straight gaze. you were ignoring him and he knew, “you mad at me?”

you remain quiet, silently praying that at one of these next stops another worker would step in and ease the situation more.

gojo frowns, eyebrows pinched to the center his forehead, “c’mon, i was joking! honest! i really am sorry.”

the silence, safe for the elevator music, answered him everything he needed to know. you were always such difficult nut to crack, but what you failed to acknowledge was the more you pushed him away the more he grew attracted to you.

he sighs, before slinging his arm over your shoulders, dropping most of his body weight onto you. he watches as you nearly stumble from the sudden imbalance, before looking up to him with that adorable pout of yours that he wants to fuck out of you.

oops.

“what now, gojo?” you ask him with so much attitude, your expression bored. “can’t leave me alone for a single fucking elevator ride? you that obsessed with bothering me?”

“you got it all wrong,” gojo shakes his head, snow white tresses shaking with him and his shades falling right back to place on his nose. “i’m not obsessed with bothering you— i’m obsessed with you period. been obsessed since that time you chucked piping hot coffee on my givenchy button down.”

you frown deeply at that, reflecting at how long ago that had been. you knew what kind of guy he was. after all, who hadn’t heard of gojo satoru in this forsaken company? he dipped his dick in anything with a pulse and moved onto the next big thing whenever he got bored—

or so you’ve heard.

you stare at him for a minute, processing his words. he shamelessly stares back at you, now looping his arm around your shoulders and pulling you into his side.

“see something you like, wifey?” he repeats himself, his favorite nickname for you making another appearance. you ignore how his hands stroke your bare arms.

you stifle a laugh, snorting incredulously at him before breaking into a full blown laughter. maybe you now understood why gojo had done the same just a little while ago, because the look of offence on his face had made the situation funnier than it was initially.

“what’s funny?! i’m here professing my feelings for you and you’re laughing?!” gojo complains like the manchild he is, dragging syllables and all, rosy lips falling into a pout.

“fuck— i’m sorry, did you think i was gonna believe that?” your laughter dies down, sighing deeply in attempts to catch your breath. “no, seriously, do you take me for an idiot?”

“believe it or not, it’s the truth,” he mumbles, leaning his chin at the top of your skull. “even ask nanamin. been treating him as my walking diary since suguru left.”

you don’t want to think about if that holds any truth or not. you tilt your head up, enforcing eye contact with him, “i think you’re confused. it’s definitely not love, or anything in between. you’re just horny and want to fuck me.”

“well,” he looks down, mouth salivating at the point of view presented of your breast, sitting up in all their glory in your blouse. “i won’t lie and say that isn’t true. but why is it so hard to believe i have feelings for you? i literally am obsessed with you, why else would i deliberately wast time and sit through all twenty floors here with you?”

speaking of, you look at the indicator and notice you’re only at the seventeenth floor. how slow was this damn ride? there’s absolutely no way you’d only been through less three floors this whole time? was time still in this elevator or what?

wait—

“oh shit.” you hear the man cuss. you fear that’s all the confirmation you needed, as your eyes pan towards the control panel and notice all the buttons are illuminating on and off.

silence fills the air, and you’re just realizing the elevator music had stopped playing. your luck bites, you decide, as you reevaluate all you wanted to do; grab your shit from the second floor and go the fuck home.

you try not to freak out, the fear of being trapped in an elevator period catching up to you mixed with anger rising in your blood at the blue eyed freak who’s the sole cause for this unfortunate situation.

“don’t freak out, but like,” he begins to speak, corner of his lips tugging into a sympathetic smile, “we’re definitely stuck here.”

he deserves the punch to the guts he gets.

“you sit your ass on that end of the room,” you push him to one extremity of the elevator. he’s doubled over, groaning in agony at the blow he received. “and i’ll be sitting here. do not, and i cannot stress this enough, talk to me.”

time flies really fucking slowly, you notice as you check your dying phone every five minutes, waiting for the damn maintenance of this place to do their job and get you out of this elevator.

gojo had complied to your demand and hasn’t said a word to you in about twenty minutes. his long legs sprawled across the floor, one leg raised as he rested his arm atop his knee.

you didn’t want to admit it, but you were getting bored. and hungry. very hungry, and uncomfortably hot. did the air conditioning in here cut off too? most likely, damn your life.

you sat as gracefully as you could in your tight skirt and heels, tucking your legs into chest in hopes your shins were covering your inner thighs. though, you weren’t certain if you were doing a good job, judging by the way you could feel gojo’s stare at you behind the shades and the way he shifted in his seat.

he tilts his head to the side, index finger swiping over his nose and he sniffs, “figures you’re the lace type.”

you feel all the fight flee your body, all but exhausted as you bite into whatever he chews. you needs entertainment, even if it came in form of a 6’3 imbecile with an outfit the cost of your rent.

“figures you’ve been staring at my panties this whole time, when else are you ever this quiet?” you clap back, making no motion to switch positions. besides, he was manspreading with his whole boner poking through his slacks and he remained shameless. why couldn’t you?

he smirks, lifting his hand and leaning his cheek in his palm, “i’ve spent the last twenty minutes thinking about the things i’d do to you if you’d let me.”

gojo was so fucking shameless, you hated how it turned you on at times. you must’ve been truly out of it, lack of food in your system or something, because your answer flies out of you almost too naturally, “show me your worst then.”

in the blink of an eye, you both find yourselves back on your feet, your back pressed against the wall of the elevator as your lips mold feverishly with his. gojo kisses you like he’s been wanting to do so for years, his strong arms wrapping around your middle and pushing your body tighter against him.

you’re no better, hands flying to the back of his neck and your nails tugging at messy locks. he moans against your lips at a particular tug, one hand slipping past your waist and slides up your thigh. he lifts your leg and wraps it around his hip, applying pressure into the middle of your legs.

“fuck,” you moan softly against pink lips, wrapping your arms tightly around his neck. he hums, your bottom lip tucked in his teeth as he pushes up into you once more.

“feel good?” he mumbles against your lips, sneaking a few kisses while awaiting for your response. his hold on your thigh is firm, wanting to hold you in place to keep grinding into you and drawing these pretty sounds out of you.

you nod your head before throwing it back against the wall, to which his lips leave yours to attack at your neck. he’s kissing and licking and nipping at your sensitive skin, leaving dark love bites.

“you fuckin’ teenager,” you complain, knowing he was intentionally marking you in visible areas, so you’d be the next talk of the week. “just had to be there, didn’t it?”

“couldn’t help it,” you feel his smirk against your jugular, to which you roll your eyes. “you smell so fucking good here, shit, i could eat you up— actually…”

you snort as he pulls away from the crook of your neck, and you eye how dishevelled he looks. even with messy hair, saliva streaking his cheeks and swollen lips, he still looked fucking hot.

you don’t have much time to reflect on his beauty because he’s soon kneeling down in front of you, hands creeping up in your skirt and tugging down at your lace undergarment. it slides off your legs with ease, and is soon in his possession, to which he stuffs in his pockets.

“i will.” he finally completes his sentence, lifting your leg over his shoulder.

he holds a firm grip on your thigh as your skirt hikes up, and he feasts. his lips latch onto your lower ones and slurps up your juices. his tongue swipes at your wet folds, moaning at the taste, which drives you to mush.

you throw your head back, hands coming in contact with his tresses, expressing the delight you feel through the tugs at his hair. whenever you’d pull hard at his hair, he’d moan into your cunt, which would result in making you moan louder and pull harder, and the cycle repeats.

“f-fuck, hah—gojo,” you whine when you feel a single digit prod into your pussy. he multitasks with fucking you open with his finger while sucking at your clit and lapping up your juices.

“shit, mhm, keep going,” you push his head deeper into your legs, momentarily forgetting you’re cutting out his breathing circulation.

you then realize he truly doesn’t mind, as his eyes roll to the back of his skull and moans even more sinfully into your dripping pussy.

it didn’t take much more than a few extra fingers to drive you over the edge, and you spray your essence in his mouth as he happily swallows every single drop you offer to him. your thighs quake and you feel yourself lose balance but he makes sure to hold you still.

you ride your high on his face, breathing heavily as you come down from your orgasm. he pulls away from in between your legs, breathing heavily with a smitten smile on his lips. “bon appétit,” he jokes, using the back of his hand to wipe himself clean.

you snort at his childishness, “shut up and gimme a moment to return you the favour.”

and just like that, you find yourself now kneeling and gojo hovered over you. he stretched his arm to hold himself up against the wall while simultaneously watching you swallow his cock whole.

now, all cocky shit aside, gojo was nowhere near small sized. he packed a big one, and the fact that you were so confidently gobbling him up, head bobbing up and down on his length, hands twisting and jerking whatever you failed to reach.

“fuckfuckfuck—shiiit, dammit y/n, your mouth feels fuckin’ amazing,” gojo whines pathetically, leaning his forehead against the cool wall.

it unintentionally forces his tip deeper in your throat and you gag around him, throat constricting around his dick and fuck if his knees hadn’t buckled.

you knew gojo was a spontaneous man, so him suddenly reaching the back of your head and pushing you deeper on his dick shouldn’t have surprised you. you were now deepthroating him as he praised you endlessly, telling you how perfect you were taking him, how warm and tight your mouth felt, how he was going to cum if you kept playing with his balls.

when he does nut, your nose reaches his pubic hairs, curly white hairs ticking you as you inhale his musk in attempt to force yourself to suppress your gag. he cums a riverbank down your throat and naturally you swallow it all, pulling off him when he finishes and seeing a string of cum and saliva connect his blushing pink tip to your lips.

“fuck,” he chuckles breathlessly, hand laying atop of your head and patting your hair gently before sliding down to your jaw. his thumb strokes your skin, “come up here, wanna kiss you again.”

“sap.” you tease but lift yourself, knees wobbly but you manage.

you’re back to standing, and your hands quickly find themselves back to his nape, threading your fingers gently through his hair. he kisses you much less rushed but instead takes his time, savours the taste of him on your tongue as you taste yourself on his.

the kiss is sensual and sloppy, drool pooling at the corner of your lips as he kisses you like his lifeline depends on it. his hands slip at your ass, grabbing the mounds with handfuls.

he pulls away just slightly, wording against your lips “jump.”

you comply, jumping and he catches you gracefully, showing no signs of struggle. you wrap your legs around his waist and proceed to kiss him again, your back coming in contact with the wall. you feel him grind his hardening dick against your bare pussy, and if you had half your regular mind, you’d have been embarrassed by how badly you were dripping over him.

“‘m gonna fuck you now,” gojo mumbles against your lips, lips peppering kisses at the corner of your saliva coated mouth. “that good with you, princess?”

you give him a flat look, fingers still carding through his soft locks. “use your thinking skills and guess.”

he smiles at you, almost too sincere and raw, and you feel your eyes shy away from his gaze, focusing instead at the beauty mark marked at the base of his neck. “hey, consent is sexy, meanie.”

“the sexiest,” you feed into his bite, giggling when you feel him nuzzle his nose in the crook of your neck. his crown of hair tickles at your skin. “now hurry up.”

you surely don’t have to tell him twice as he pulls out of your neck and grabs the base of his dick, placing his tip at your pulsating hole and pushes inside.

the synchronization of both your moans blend into each others, as your gaze on one another never breaks. he watches you intently, blue eyes narrowing into your facial reactions, wanting to memorize every twitch of muscles in case this was ever his last opportunity to.

“mmhm—yes, baby,” you claw at his back, eyes droopy and hazy as he thrusts into you at a slow yet intense pace. if gojo noticed the term of endearment you slipped up, he made no show in pointing it out, and you were thankful.

the stretch of his cock at your pussy sent a fiery feeling spreading towards all of your limbs. the squelching of your pussy tightening and clenching at his dick filling the room. he soon picked up his pace, railing into you with every fibre in his body, loving the way your body bounced up in reaction to his thrusts.

he fucked you into that wall, dug so deep into your cunt you were sure you felt him in your stomach. well no wonder why women were obsessed with him, he was definitely a pleaser. a stinging bitter feeling momentarily crawled up your throat before dissipating when you caught his eyes staring at you with something you’d usually refer to as admiration.

“god, this pussy is heaven fucking sent—never had anythin’ like it—oh shit baby, gotta have more of this— gotta have more of you, please y/n—need this all the fuckin’ time,” he praised you like it was the only thing he knew how to do.

he was a verbal man, you knew, but it amplified during sexual activities. you shamefully moaned at every praise he threw at you, pussy clenching at his dick, warmth oddly settling in your chest. you scratched at his back, he bit into your shoulders, nipped at your lips and rammed your core.

in little to no time, you felt that tide of pleasure washing over you, your cervix unable to take anymore of his tip bullying into it.

“gojo, fuckkk, ‘m so fucking close!” you mewl brokenly, as tears stream down your cheeks from the overriding pleasure.

“satoru,” he breathes out, his name falling straight within earshot. his hips never give up, but his request is asked based off raw emotions, “call me satoru—please,”

your mind is running miles a minute, the tightening of your gut on the brink of snapping and spraying your dam yet again all over him.

he whimpers with his nose pressed at your jugular, his grip on your thighs so tight your bound to have bruises form soon, and your back begins to ache from repeatedly being pushed up against an uncomfortable surface.

but fuck, you were so fucking close.

“hnng—satoru!” you cry as your orgasm washes over you, rakes through your body from head to toe, muscles spasming in his hold.

you leak like a faucet, and he follows suit, moaning your name all brokenly, whimpering and whining in your ear as he pumps your pussy full of his cum. for a split second you feel your bodies merge into one, the orgasm so intense you almost forgot just who and where this was happening.

eventually, you both ride down from your highs, and satoru places you down to your feet, though never pulling out of you. his dick is snug in your warm walls, and he’s tempted to stay like this for longer, until you decide to speak.

“c’mon big guy, pull out.” you tap at his chest gently, pulling him out of his daydream. “we have no idea when maintenance’ll show up.”

he blinks slowly, nodding as he acknowledges your words. it’s almost a damn miracle they hadn’t shown up while satoru was fucking you, but now that the lust had faded away, you almost felt ashamed of yourself.

“yeah just— gimme a second.” he breathes to himself, silently wishing he’d been able to bask in the aftercare with you a little longer. he guesses he should’ve known better than to expect such in an elevator of all places.

you remain quiet and he hates it. did you regret it already? is he back to square one with you?

you bite your lip, “goj— satoru.”

he perks his head up and you swear you see his ears wiggle as if he were a dog. his eyes shimmer with hope and you don’t think he’s ever looked this pretty before, “what’s up?”

“i’m gonna need my panties back, you know.” you nod your head towards his pocket where your lace undergarments were stuffed. “they were my favorite.”

“what a shame, guess you’ll have to grab it another day.” he sighs dramatically, feigning despair. giggling, you feel his fingers drum at your bare waist, “say, maybe friday night around 7pm at your place?”

“guess i have no other choice, do i?” you sigh just as dramatically, pulling him closer by the collar of his wrinkly white button down. he grins so widely your cheeks hurt for him, or maybe they hurt for yourself as you reflected his grin.

“i don’t make the rules baby.”

this was definitely rushed but leave me alone 🖐🏾.

[kay-then-i-guess]

So, I had this idea as I'm getting close to finishing the Election arc of my Roleshuffle AU to go through my previous comic pages and point out everything I did wrong :) This is all for funsies, and I feel like my art has gotten a lot better with the Election arc. Plus, I think it's very important to go back and critique yourself to 1: see how far you've come and 2: to better understand where you tend to make mistakes. So, let's get critiquing!

Soooo starting off, I really didn't know how to make a comic. I had only done very brief, minor comic making before, so this was a completely new field of art that I wasn't used to. You can immediately see that problem in the first and second panel, since they. They aren't a panel. Nothing about them (minus the speech bubbles) indicates that this is a comic. I think the first would have benefited from each item being properly separated, and the other would have benefited from an actual image behind it; not a gradient. Speaking of the items, that's supposed to be Sam's hand at the top, and it is freckle-less (no clue why I forgot to add those lol). Some other consistency things that are weird is that L'manberg has no tower entrance, and there aren't any trees surrounding it in any other drawing. On notes of consistency, the sword there is supposed to be Techno's, but the design changed later to have a gold hilt. I guess that change never reached this panel, so now that just looks like a random sword stuck in the ground. Nobody's sword in the comic looks like that haha. Similar deal with Techno's crown: the spacing of jewels is not consistent with how I draw it in the rest of the comic.

Moving on! The next two panels of Connor aren't bad, per se, they just aren't good. (I'm mainly bothered by the fact that he doesn't have teeth in the first one.) Also, because I didn't want to draw hands and cut his arms off, it just looks like the framing of the panel is all wrong. Plus, I don't think I've seen anyone pose like that in real life. He looks like he's about to hug you, which is not the vibe I was going for. In both of these panels, we have what will become a reoccurring problem throughout: loooooong neck because I didn't draw a base figure before drawing the clothes. Connor's face should either be longer in these panels, or his shoulders should be higher. Either way, the neck does not look right. Another reoccurring problem you'll see is dull coloring/shading. I'm still working on this, to be frank, but these images all look rather dull. There's nothing unique about the lighting/colors, so it doesn't really pop like it should. Either I needed to add more dynamic lighting or be better at highlights.

Yet another case of long neck. Oh, and weird positioning on the facial features. The eyes feel stretched across his face instead of, well, where they should be. I also think in these opening panels I really fail to encapsulate Connor's personality. I was really banking on the fact that he's a silly little comic relief character in the canon dsmp, but his delivery is very dry/flat whenever I watch old clips of him. Therefore, in the early bits, he just seems a bit off because of the high energy I gave him. Next up we have a bad case of something that looked good in the sketch but did not come across after coloring. What I wanted to happen was his face to gain some anime-type shading that screams "oh no", but it just wasn't strong enough, so the end result just seems like I copied and pasted the same panel for no reason. Also, in the lower image, Connor's face does not look right. I can't really put my finger on why, but it's either because his eyes are uneven or that the facial features, once again, kind of stretch across the face.

aaaaand I originally wanted to go through the whole first part of my comic, but this is turning out to be very long. So that's a tomorrow project. Hope you enjoyed my critique!

[thesherrinfordfacility]

lmao guess whos activated ✨blathering oaf mode✨ again (clue: its me)

(cut because length and spoilers, read at your own peril)

so this post got me spiralling into detective mode again and yes i know douglas suggesting it might have been war/pollution but i have certified trust issues™ and i dont believe that for one darn second

BUT

i also don't think it's a kiss. lemme explain horrifically

so i took another look at the two frames we have of The Leaked Smooch™ and the background has a lot to be desired (if you take into account that the boys are taking up most of the frame (duh), plus already fairly average quality video PLUS compression from when i captured it)

but i think we can safely rule out that The Leaked Smooch™ doesn't happen in the theatre here, mainly because even though the quality is bad, the glasses in the Smooch™ are crowley's modern ones, not the ones we saw him wear in the 1941 flashback in s1, plus his hair is differently styled... so yes can pretty confidently say this is not the kiss we are looking for

so i wanted to pinpoint what era the theatre bit is actually set in, and therefore i set about identifying the theatre in question. turns out kids that im not a good researcher (despite it literally being my job) so it took FUCKING AGES but i eventually found set photos of the boys entering a theatre, specifically the hippodrome in bo'ness:

now this was a turn-up for the books, because that's crowley's 1941 costume right??? id recognise that iconic fit anywhere. az's costume is trickier to pinpoint bc he wears the same damn thing but pretty sure this is a match to the church scene:

so we know from s1 that we have the church scene yada yada, and crowley offers aziraphale a lift home... which we know he accepts given that the s2 trailer gives us the ✨Dinner of '41✨ scene:

the other bit however to this puzzle is that there ALSO a set pic of aziraphale at the hippodrome in his magician's outfit. given the frame from the trailer where he looks like he's about to brick it going on stage, surrounded by lovely burlesque girlies and dame siân phillips in period dress, AND there were extras on the set dressed in ww2-type army uniforms, so i think it can be fairly surmised that this bit also occurs in the 40s

so my thought process is that we're getting two separate scenes (kinda) from the 40s, we have the church bit from s1 plus the Dinner of '41 scene as its own entity, but then, like

aziraphale is doing his magic act as a side hustle to this burlesque show? and crowley turns up to watch him, hiding out up in the box?

if we follow this completely made up narrative ive just come up with, aziraphale, im assuming, finishes up and gets changed into his normal clothes, and then goes up to this box to meet crowley?

to this end, i captured and slowed down the bit in the opening sequence where aziraphale and crowley (sorry douglas, not buying it) are in the box... and-

now to my eye, the motion of them in the clip looks like they are dancing? i don't have the source to hand but we've had it confirmed that a choreographer was brought into s2, not impossible az would go up to meet crowley after his magic act, whilst there's still something going on on the stage, and the two end up dancing or something? and az bless his heart gets spooked from that?

im reasonably convinced that this might be the origin of the 'you go too fast for me' line - something happens and ultimately aziraphale gets spooked given that he's only just realised he has Feelings for crowley, and so my boy fucking legs it (a lil post i made a while ago about this exact scenario if you'd care to peruse)

other thing to note:

there is a figure that is lurking behind aziraphale and crowley in the box, which looks like it moves specifically in sync with crowley, so it could be a shadow, or someone/thing is in the box that they aren't aware of 👀 so maybe this thing (?) witnesses it all? whatever went down in the box?

so in my addled feral mind, ive come up with a speculation that even as im breathing life into it sounds unhinged and so implausible it's hilarious -

i put to you, members of the jury, that something was meant to happen in that box, and it didn't... that something being that crowley makes a move of some kind - kiss, dance, hug, declaration, WHATEVER - and aziraphale was meant to accept it/reciprocate/idk, but didn't.

and that fucks with the plan, and for lack of better terminology creates a nexus event (lmao thanks loki) which in turns starts screwing with other events, somewhat like i theorised in this post here tehe

are aziraphale and crowley, essentially, the earth's endgame? idk about u but ive read enough angst fics to know that it's not inconceivable that crowley and aziraphale's mere existence may have been part of god's plan to represent free will on earth, defend humankind, and give balance and meaning to it

so what would happen if aziraphale essentially rejected that? did the most human thing possible and resisted the plan? idk i feel at this point i am just writing a fic and this will all be ludicrously incorrect bUT half the fun is torturing yourself over your own theories right 🙃

[imnotjaesblog]

Pose

Starring- Kim Jungwoo

Surprise! Thought I’d write something short for you guys while you wait for Summer Love!

Model AU

Warnings: Smut, Semi Dom Y/n, Semi Sub Jungwoo, Older Y/n, Both are over 18, Brief mention of camera, oral (f.receiving). Fluff at the end mostly, Jungwoo is down bad for Y/n.

2k Words

“Bring in the next one,” you said to the scrawny boy in the corner. He bowed walking away to get the next boy. Fixing your glasses that began to slide down your nose you fixed your stack of papers clicking your pen waiting for the next model.

The whole day you and your partner had been scouting models for a up coming campaign. You needed forty models and so far you had only found twenty two. eleven girls down and eleven boys leaving eighteen more to pick from the hundreds that had auditioned. You were not only in charge of choosing a model but also the designer of the clothes that would be modeled at an event your brother was holding later this fall.

So many came and go eager to work for you. Being able to model one of your designs would be life changing even for a super model. You were always so picky about who you wanted to model the clothes. If you looked at a model and could instantly in-vision them in your mind wearing the outfit then they were yours, if not they were not selected red simple as that.

A boy walked into the room behind your assistant. He bowed to you and the other casting director beside you. Both of you eyeing the boy who’s knees shook under the bright light hanging above him. Your finger tapped your chin. You couldn’t picture him in anything so far. He walked back and fourth, his walk was okay. He was still a rookie you thought. When he finished his final turn you had came to the conclusion that he wouldn’t fit your image. Your partner agreed sending him away kindly.

You sighed rubbing your temples. You were never going to find someone. Debating to yourself whether or not to leave and hold this off until tomorrow was tempting but you stayed waiting for the next model to come in.

When he walked in he was already more confident then the last model which is something you liked. Some people mistakes cockiness for confidence. You hated when people acted as if their shit didn’t stink. You liked the boy who walked back and fourth modeling for you. Your eyes followed him picturing him in many different types of clothes. You also may have pictured him naked.

“Why don’t you turn for me?” You asked politely twirling your finger around. He did as you were food turning around allowing you to see the frame of his body. You nodded to yourself liking what you saw.

“Tell me darling what was your name again?” You asked leaning back in your chair interested in the man.

“Kim Jungwoo,” he responded confidently. You took in his name letting it remain in your brain. You tapped your partner to write his name down. He did as well as some other important notes. You looked away from his paper back at Jungwoo.

“You should find out later today,” you said smiling. You were already going to pick him but he had to wait like everyone else. You can’t have people thinking you were interested in your model. He smiled proud of himself for making it past the audition. He bowed leaving the room thanking you for your time. You thanked him for coming watching him leave.

“Just one more,” your partner Johnny said sipping his coffee. You looked towards the door nodding, “Yes one more,” the door opening and closing caught your attention. You watched the young man walk to the runway. He walked back and fourth perfectly. You smiled enjoying his walk.

“What was your name again?” You asked.

“Lee Jeno,” you decided you’d pick him too.

——

“Okay thank you all for making it. It was a tough decision but we were able to narrow it down to forty of you,” the director said holding a clip board speaking to the ten models lined up to try on the different clothes. You stood in front of them as well watching as some tried to hold their excitement. Their idol was standing in the same room as them, they couldn’t believe it.

“We don’t have much time so we need to get to work, okay?” The director Irene said to them. They all nodded saying in unison, “Yes Ma’am” you smiled watching them all get to their positions. Today was a practice of what the show would look like. You for the first time would be present for every single rehearsal and fitting since you had very important business to attend to here. Your eyes followed Jungwoo who stood getting measured and fitted. You walked over shoeing the ladies who fitted him away. They reacted quickly fleeing to another model.

“Hello Jungwoo right?” You asked already knowing his name. You just wanted his reaction. He nodded taking in a breath. You being here created tension for everyone. They all wanted to perform well in front of you, Jungwoo one of those people. “Yes that’s me,” he said shyly looking away at his hands, playing with his thumbs. You nodded pursing your lips checking out the boy.

“My name is Y/n-“

“Yeah I know, we all do. Your a legend,” he complimented starstruck. He couldn’t believe he was talking to you. Rather you talking to him. You knew of his existence now. You knew his name which meant you knew him. He was honored to be in your presence.

You chuckled smiling at him. “A legend? Legends never die” you say looking deeply into his eyes. You could see him start to get nervous as you drew closer. “Eventually I will get old and die,” you said nonchalant. He nodded, “Of course I’m sorry if I-“

“You didn’t offend me. Can I be honest?” You asked lowly. He nodded his eyes watching your every moment yet missing when your hands reached out to him.

“I like you. I think you will perform well here. Why don’t you become my muse?” You asked causing the poor boy to almost fall to his knees. At this point he’d do anything you asked him too. He had waited so long for this moment. Barely registering the question he nodded his head blindly following you out the room you were both in.

“Words darling,” you said watching him swallow hard. “Yes I’ll be your muse,” he agreed cursing at himself for being so weak. You had a trance over him that he couldn’t figure out. His eyes followed your eyes to your lips, to the natural curve of your body. He always knew you were beautiful but the cameras did you no justice. In real life you were stunning. No makeup on your face to cover your blemishes or ache scars. It was just you standing naturally beautiful in front of him and he thought he would melt.

“Good choice,” you said smirking. You took your phone out of your purse handing it to him. Using your eyes to point to the contact information when he didn’t move. He took the phone hesitantly from your hands putting his number in your phone. You smiled gratefully taking your phone back saving his information.

“I’ll text you,” you said blowing him a kiss. That almost killed him. When you left you finally let out a breath he had no clue he was holding. He turned away looking into the mirror seeing how red his face was. His lips inches away from his skin. He’d only dream of kissing you. A fan meeting their idol/celebrity crush wasn’t something that happened everyday. Everyone at home knew Jungwoo not only respected your work as an artist but if given the opportunity would love to take out on a date.

He thought after your interaction today that maybe he would be able to pull that off.

—-

Y/n- Hey darling

Read

Jungwoo- Hello Ms.Y/L

…

Y/n- Please call me Y/n

Jungwoo wasn’t sure on how he felt calling you by your name. He had said your name a thousand times before but you being his boss it felt different this time. However he did want you to like him, he wanted to prove he was a good model so he did whatever you asked him and whatever he thought you would like.

Jungwoo- Okay I’ll try my best!

Read

Y/n- May I ask a personal question?

Read

Jungwoo- Yes of course

Read

Y/n- What is your age?

Jungwoo- twenty five.

You needed to make sure he wasn’t to young if you planned on fooling around with him.

Y/n- May I another personal question?

Jungwoo- Yes

Y/n- How do you feel about older girls?

Jungwoo- I don’t mind

He assumed you were talking about yourself. Truthfully he didn’t mind an age gap, you weren’t even that much older than him.

Y/n- Meet at my place at ten tomorrow morning. I’m working on a design and I could use you.

Read

Jungwoo- I’ll be there

——

A knock at your door halted your sketching. You looked to the side at one of your house employees. They walked over to the door opening it revealing another house staff. They both discussed them disbursed.

“Ma’am the boy is here to see you,” he approached you with the news. You smiled excitedly, “Send him in” the boy nodded bowing before he went to fetch Jungwoo.

When he returned Jungwoo walked ahead of him the house staff walking behind him. When he stepped inside he went to close the door but you shook your head. Waving your hand at the boy, “Leave us,” you said. The boy bowed opening the door and leaving. “Would you mind locking the door? I do not want to be disturbed,” you said to Jungwoo who complied. He walked over to the wooden door locking it. When he returned back to your studio you motioned your hand to come closer.

He was so nervous. He felt like his legs could barely move. He couldn’t believe he was in your studio the place you came up with the legendary designs for both men and women. He could see some of those designs on your wall photographed by photographers over the years. He saw your men suit collection from 2014. He saw your wedding dresses from 2012 photographed on the wall. He starred at them in awe like an art student seeing their favorite painting in real life for the first time.

“Do you like what you see?” You asked admiring the boy who’s eyes glowed seeing your past work. He nodded not removing his eyes from the walls. He smiled seeing photos of you from your modeling days before you became a world renowned designer. You’ve worked with Prada, Dior, Vivienne westwood and so many more. You were truly one of the greats.

“Like it? I love it,” he responded. You smiled standing up for your seat leaning Agassi on your desk fixing your glasses. “Your a fan?” You asked and he nodded still in awe. Once he realized he was starring for to long he cleared his throat. Fixing his posture he dusted himself off finally looking at you. “Forgive me I couldn’t help myself-“

“No need to apologize. I would probably act the same if I were in a room with someone I loved,” you said honestly. You wanted him to feel comfortable around you. His plumped pink lips formed a smile. A part of him still excited to be here with you.

“Now come here,” you said motion to the front of your desk. He walked Obed rather quickly almost banging into the table. “Sorry,” he said embarrassed. You chuckled sitting down opening your book. At least he made you laugh he thought. “I have an idea but I’d like to draw it on you, is that okay?” You asked lips pursing at you stared into his eyes. He swallowed his throat becoming dry. “Yes that’s fine,” was all he managed to say to you. Your stare was so imitating. He felt like one wrong move or word and he’d ruin everything. He wanted to be good for you.

After some time you decided it was time for a break. You never over worked yourself your manger had given you a good piece of advice. “No matter how hard you work, if you get hurt the job will always move on without you” that stuck with your for a very long time.

“We can take a break,” you told the boy who nodded fiddling with his fingers. You smiled motioning him to come over. He stood tall in front of you as you remained in your seat. You pulled up a chair not to far away from your hand. You tapped it signaling him to sit down which he did. You crossed one leg over the other while eyeing the young man. You bit you lip watching his fingers dance around his shakey legs. “Jungwoo,” you called. He looked up into your glossy eyes.

“Yes”

“Are you nervous?” You teased hands clasping together waiting for his response.

He nodded his throat dryer than before.

“Words darling,” you commanded softly.

“I am,” he responded already feeling himself lose to you.

“When I said I liked you I didn’t only mean you had talent,” you began. You watched as his chest moved up and down just a little faster. He wiped his hands on his jeans startled. “What did you mean?” He asked quietly. You smirked your pink lips pursing.

“I think your handsome,” you complimented. It was true you did find him handsome. Which only helped your attraction to him. “Jungwoo,” you called again. Man did his name sound so good coming from your tongue. He stared at you watching your every move. He was ready for whatever you were going to give or tell him. Your legs uncrossed spreading apart. You were wearing a medium size loose skirt. You began to lift it up your legs stopping at the hem of your thighs. Jungwoo watched intensely not wanted to miss a single move.

“Yes,” he said feeling his mouth remain slightly opened probably drooling at the sight of you. You smiled feeling your body get warmer. You started to unbutton your top stopping at the button in the middle letting the outline of your breast show. Jungwoo felt like exploding, you weren’t wearing a bra.

“You said you didn’t mind older women right?” You teased speaking softly to Jungwoo. He nodded licking his lips. “Yes,” you sighed frustrated, “I think I need your help,” you said touching one of the buttons on your blouse. Jungwoo watched you pull on the button trying to remove it. You chuckled taking it off exposing your chest to the boy. He sucked in a breath his mouth dry. “Why don’t you help me?” You asked spreading your legs for him. He stood from his seat his legs guiding himself to you sitting in your glory. You gripped his shoulder sending him down to his knees. He knelt in front of you anticipating your every move.

“Will you be good for me?” You asked massaging his shoulders rubbing into the skin. His eyes shut enjoying the feeling of your fingers on him. Letting out a groan when you you rubbed on a tight spot. You rubbed harder watching his face change his brows furrowing as you massaged the knot in his right shoulder. He nodded licking his lips.

“Words darling, I want to hear you,” you said continuing your motions on his shoulders. He huffed releasing a warm breath into the air. He opened his eyes staring into yours that were already looking at his. “Yes I want to help you. I want to be good for you,” he pleaded. You removed your hands from his shoulders taking your right hand a placing it at the bottom of his chin. You pulled him closer lifting his face to yours and placing your lips on his. He immediately kissed back savoring the taste of your lips on his. He felt like he was dreaming. You were apart of his many fantasies as a young boy and now he was here living the reality as a man.

Your tongue swiped his bottom lip. He didn’t even fight opening his mouth to you letting the kiss become hot and messy. You pulled him closer your legs on the side of his body. His hand laid on your thighs squeezing and pulling you closer to his body. Your hands placed in his soft brown hair and around his neck taking in his lips and the citrus scent of his cologne. He released himself from your lips looking deeply into your eyes. “Can I taste you?” He asked. You nodded pushing yourself back and bringing your skirt up more to expose your bare pussy to him. Glistening in the light he licked his lips feeling himself get harder in his pants. He placed your legs on either side of the chair spreading you for him. Bringing his wet lips closer he kissed and sucked on your inner thighs.

“Don’t be a tease darling, take what you want,” you said watching him from below you. He groaned seeing the sight of your wet pussy. One of his hands creeping down his body to squeeze himself trying to control his mind and body from going completely feral. He licked a long swipe on your slit causing you to shudder. Proud of himself for making you weaker even though he was beneath you he licked your clit again sucking on the bundle of nerves. You tried to hold back your moans not wanting him to know how good he was making you feel. It would get to his pretty little head. But you couldn’t help it. His warm, wet mouth felt so good devouring your core. "Jungwoo you're doing so well for me," You praised through half a moan, your hand pulling on his hair. The praise only made his tongue move faster sliding it in and out of your wet hole. His fingers found their way to the pussy spreading your folds. His slender finger moved inside you while his tongue moved back to your clit.

You came all over his mouth soaking the bottom half of his face. When he continued his moments on your overly sensitive clit you pulled his head back by his hair. His forehead is exposed to your strong grip. The sunlight from your large window shining on his lips and his chin glistened with your slick. You pulled him forward by his hair and he complied. Letting his arms dangle before him and his knees remain on the ground. You brought your lips close to his inches away from each other.

"Jungwoo my darling can you do me another favor?" You slurred high off his mouth. He nodded eyes looking deeply into yours. His hands placed themselves on your exposed thighs. "Anything," He said sincerely.

"Get undressed and fuck me," You said through a seductive smile. He stood up undoing his belt tossing it to another part of the studio. He removed his shirt bringing it over his head and tossing it away with your blouse. He undid his jeans sliding them down along with his boxers. He pumped his length in his hand waiting for your command.

“Fuck me on my desk,” you said licking your tongue. He smiled taking your hand wiping all your sketches and pencils away. Spreading your legs open for him as he came in between you. Jungwoo felt like the luckiest man alive. You pulled him forward into a passionate kiss both of you lost in each others embrace. You pulled away leaning over to dig in your draw pulling out a condom. Ripping the package open rather quickly you placed the condom on his dick.

His rubbed dick through your folds circling your clit with his his tip. Biting his lip he watched your wetness soak the condom. He hopes to fuck you one day without it. Until then he’ll fuck you with it on if it means he gets to be here with you. “Jungwoo darling stop teasing and put it in,” you slurred knocking over some pencils trying to balance. He pushed the head of cock into your wet hole. His cock inching inside your pussy slowly your velvet walls sucking him. You bit your lip feeling the burn it had been so long since you last slept with someone, ever since your divorce you haven’t really gone out much. Taking the time to work on your designs.

You didn’t realize how much you missed the feeling of someone inside you.

“That’s it baby,” you praised working him through it. His dick say fully inside you waiting for you to let him know he could move. After the initial burn started to fade you tapped his thigh signaling him to go. His hips moved at a normal speed at first turning the pain into pleasure. You tapped him letting him know to move faster. He fucked into you harder and faster, “Darling don’t hold back,” you pleaded smirking as his jaw fell opened groans escaping his plumped lips as he finally fucked you.

“You feel so good,” he praised watching as his dick disappeared into your clenching hole. He felt you squeeze against him. If you kept doing that he’d cum to fast. His eyebrows furrowed trying to hold in his release for as long as he could. It was hard to not let go while being inside you. You wrapped around him delicious like your pussy was made for him. Wet sounds could be heard all around the studio. The sound of skin slapping against the desk as the morning became the afternoon. You held onto the desk tightly your knuckles turn white. Your mouth agape watching Jungwoo intensely lost in your own haze of pleasure. Jungwoo’s hands on placed on your hips fucking you into the wooden desk. He brought one of his fingers down to rub circles on your clit matching the speed of his thrust. You threw your head back in bliss. Letting out moans and whines as he fucked you.

He lifted you up turning you around bending you over the desk. He grabbed a piece of your hair pulling it back forming a ponytail. His other hand placed directly on your hip. You held onto the end of your desk your back arching magnificently. Beads of sweat fell down mouth of your bodies the air in the room becoming thinner and warm. Your mouth became dry from all the moaning your were doing. You were sure the house staff heard you, Jungwoo as well. He leaned down close to your ear. You could hear his groans directly like little whispers. They were only meant for your ears.

“Am I doing good?” He asked through groans and hard breaths. “Am I fucking you right?” He asked repeating his motions. You nodded licking your lips turning your head slightly to face him his duck still moving inside you. “So good darling. Your fucking me so well,” you praised. The praise went straight from his head to his dick fucking into even harder. You could feel your body squish against the desk your ribs hitting the desk but you didn’t care. He felt to good inside you to stop. Jungwoo pulled your hair back harder lifting the front of your body up your back pressing against his sweaty front.

“I’m gonna cum,” you moaned Jungwoo groaning into your ear. He reached around your waist circling the bundle of nerves helping you to reach your orgasm. You came moaning out loud and soaking the condom. You clenched and unclenched around him bringing Jungwoo to his climax soaking up the condom. He slowly pulled out of you taking the condom off. He tied it and threw it in the trash bin nearby. He walked over to the tissue box cleaning you up and himself. He helped you get dressed, then got dressed himself. He picked up the things he threw on the floor placing them back on your desk neatly.

You smiled watching him your index finger playing with your lips. He glowed in the afternoon sun. His skin sun kissed from the light that shined through your large windows. The way his lips curved upwards when he noticed you were watching him. He looked so beautiful. You couldn’t help but walk over to your camera. You lifted the device pointing it at him.

“Pose,” is all you said before he turned his head and you snapped a picture.

This picture would be one of many that you would take. Some would see public eye at campaigns and events. Some would see it on social media. Some only family would see.

And some only you’d see in the private of your own home with your muse, Kim Jungwoo.

Fin.

Hope you enjoyed thank you so much for reading. Small Update on Summer Love starring Jaehyun i am having a hard time coming up with a idea. I don’t want to do the same old thing so I’m really trying to come up with something different. I’m working on the story currently dedicating some time to it , so stay tuned for that!

Until then I hope you enjoy and look out for more surprise fics! :)

[sicherheitzuerst]

Rammstein in the Rain ☔️ Brussels Night 3 / End of Tour.

I found out my coat wasn’t waterproof anymore on the walk from the tram stop to the entrance. Aces.

Bagged myself the Must have end of tour merch. The €5 rammstein bin bag poncho. Reason 476 I love this band. They’re never one to miss out on a little bit of corporate opportunism and banged a rammstein sticker on the poncho packaging. Made a mint too by the looks of it from how many people wore one.

Feuer Zone was oddly empty. I ended up pretty much where I’ve been the last 2 nights (creature of habit, hi) but 2nd row. It didn’t fill up all that much around me either. It felt quite intimate in a way, that there was just me and the few people In my periphery being performed for.

To say it rained, it rained a lot. My trainers had breached by Links and I was wet through to my underwear by the end. Most of the concert I watched through the blurry blotches of rain on my glasses as everything was too wet to try and wipe off. But I laughed, because it was so utterly ridiculous how much it was pouring down. My first night of this tour was Berlin’s 36 degree heatwave and my last is 10 degree Brussels where I could see my own breath as I sang along and the steam rising from Till as he sang and somehow still managed to sweat under the lights. His mohawk was flat before the middle of Bestrafe, even Richards usually spiked look ended up framing his face. I said in Berlin, Richard looked like he was living his best rock star life. Last night There was times his expression (and mine tbf) was that of someone definitely questioning their life choices which led them to standing out in the piss down rain for 3 hours.

Anyway, less of the weather chat.

Nothing too crazy happened, there was no mic malfunctions which given the weather was more of a miracle and there was less group wide drum stick liberation this time, Schneider was probably down to his last handful.

I’ve already shared Till joining in the stick man dance spinning his little torches. I half anticipated him coming out in an actual light suit but this was somehow better. I know whenever I’m having a bad day I’ll watch that clip back.

There was more inflatable shit brought back. Sharks, a globe, Paul had a flamingo. Till refused him landing originally with it until Paul had done some convincing. The fee seemed to be a little smooch for Till from both the blow up bird and Paul himself. Richards Intervention the previous night seemed to work as he only brought back a body board and a note. I want an end of tour photo of the band and all of the stuff they’ve collected on their boating adventures please and thank you.

Till wore a beer can helmet for mein teil. I’ve read that one can said ‘roofies’ the other ‘KO drops’ but I was too far away to confirm. Probably did though.

He stole Jens’ little go pro on a stick and caused some mischief. He didn’t stick it down his pants however which was very unlike Till.

Of the 3 Belgian shows this one felt the least atmospheric crowd energy wise which surprised me given it was the last night but I guess the weather really didn’t help.

No “see you in….” Announcement at the end which I am a little sad about but I didn’t expect anything for 2024 anyway. Wait and see. I don’t think it will be long before we know their future plans.

I’m off to the airport on 3 hours sleep, back to reality rather than my Rammstein summer. What a ride.

❤️‍🔥

[overwatch-does-stuff]

Bad Memories

Summary: The first time Bastion saw the armor, they ran. The second time, they froze. And present at both was a man with more compassion than common sense.

(Author's note: this fic was written before the story announcement trailer showed that Reinhardt was not, in fact, okay with Omnics, so that's the reason he's fairly out of character here.)

---

The first time Bastion saw the armor, they ran.

The day had otherwise been peaceful. Happy, even. Two new friends had arrived, friends of Torbjorn’s, which of course made them both Bastion’s friends by default. There was the tall, enormous man named Reinhardt, with a loud voice and a big smile. Then there was his smaller companion, a woman named Brigitte, with long red hair and a smaller but still muscular build. Torbjorn seemed equally fond of both. 

After the introductions, Brigitte and Winston had brought something in from the outside. Something big and covered in a tarp. Brigitte had smiled and pulled the tarp down. Silver glinted off metallic angles, twinkling, catching Bastion’s attention. They couldn’t look away.

The crested helmet and bulky frame crawled from their optic and into the deep recesses of their memory bank. It reached in and pulled forth shambling strings of a memory that might not have been their own, pulling, pulling, until the fire licked the edges of their vision and warnings spilled throughout their most primal systems.

Crusader.

It was suicide to turn one’s back on a Crusader. Bastion’s systems told them that. Their legs did not want to move and their torso did not want to turn, but a last-ditch override took care of that. Diverting power from threat analysis to hydraulics was also a horrible idea, but they did so anyway.

Active processing began to null as more power transferred, their speed picking up. The door ahead did not open so they tore it down with their momentum.

They were bathed in sunlight and their optic adjusted to the outside. They barreled past further buildings in the complex before thinking to take shelter. Too many open angles, too many lines of sight. They turned, sliding across the ground as they readjusted their trajectory, to an alley between buildings. 

The alleyway ended in a solid wall which housed a decrepit dumpster, which they noticed too late. Bastion crashed into it and it crinkled like a leaf underfoot in the fall. The impact rattled loose the protocol they had been trying their hardest to avoid.

The transformation sent old damage warnings shooting up their frame as they configured into sentry mode. Their barrel swung around to the entrance of the alley.

The Crusader was coming, it had to be coming, but Bastion couldn’t tell whether the thundering they heard came from its footfalls or from their own shaking as they spun their barrel up.

No threats registered. No threats registered. As long as it stayed that way, then they wouldn’t do something that they knew they would regret.

Footsteps from the other end of the alley.

“Bastion, luv. Bastion! Where did you go? No need to be scared. It’s all okay.”

A blink of blue. Target registered. Bastion fired.

The vibration of their firing pins hitting the ends of cartridges, one by one by one, was a well-oiled symphony. It felt familiar. Bastion hated how it almost felt good. It was their purpose, after all- raining metal hell upon whatever was down range.

The chorus stopped. Their clip had run out. 

Nothing followed but silence.

The urge to reload was mounting the longer they stayed configured, but a quick justification- the target is gone, must go find -let them transform back to recon mode.

But they did not investigate. That urge was far more easily quelled. Instead, they turned to face the wall. With no visuals to distract, they focused on turning off their combat protocols. They dug in their memory banks and brought up images of the forest. Sunlight filtering through trees. Butterflies sunning themselves on rocks by a stream.

With a click, their targeting overlay disappeared. The commands keeping their body rigid disappeared, and they sagged forward, letting their gun arm sink towards the ground and putting their hand against the wall to steady themselves. They stayed there until their cooling fans spun on, venting the heat from the strain from their systems. 

A small background notification appeared and they let it through without thinking. Target confirmed eliminated?

Bastion jolted and turned their head down the alley. Immediate visual scans did not turn up a body. 

“B-bastion, luv?” called a meek voice from the other end of the alley.

A head poked around the corner, just revealing a set of eyes, before jerking back again. Then it crept out once more.

Bastion didn’t know what to do.

“Lena, get away from the thing! Now!”

Bastion recognized Torbjorn’s voice. It scared them to hear the man so angry and afraid.

The peeking person disappeared. There was more conversation in quieter tones that Bastion could not pick up on, so they came forwards. They at least tried to muffle their footsteps.

Bastion peered out of the alleyway. Torbjorn and- their processor finally cleared enough to recall -Tracer huddled against the front of the building. Her chronal accelerator glowed only a faint, dusty blue.

The blink of blue. She was. . . unscathed.

Bastion let out a whine of relief. This caused the both of them to turn. Torbjorn flinched and his mouth opened, curses pouring out. Bastion ran back into the alley. They thought up pictures of the forest again, as a precaution. Just in case. Just in case.

There was a pitter patter of footsteps. Torbjorn had followed.

“Damned Omnic! You were supposed to be peaceful! You weren’t supposed to have any battle protocols!” He shook his fist in the air.

Every declaration bit into them worse than a bullet ever could.

“You could have killed her!”

Bastion turned off their audio sensors. They watched as Torbjorn circled around them, his eyes wide with anger, his mouth opening and closing in sharp rhythms that caused him to spit. 

He stopped mid-syllable, before giving a glare. Then he pointed a finger right into Bastion’s chest and yelled. The vibration traveled through their plating and they flinched away at the unexpected sensation. Torbjorn’s fury only grew. Soon he was pounding a fist against their leg.

They knew they deserved this. He had every right to be angry. They had lost control. 

Bastion slowly turned their audio sensors back on to ease into the man’s voice again. At a certain point they realized that they were whining out loud. They silenced themselves. 

“So you’ve finally decided to listen again, hmm?” Torbjorn said.

Bastion made a sad, downturned noise. A noise of regret. There had been no place for regret in a vocabulary made for war, so they had invented the noise in the forest. They had given it to the animals many times. It was the first time they had given it to a human.

“So sorry, aren’t you?” Torbjorn’s tone was mocking.

Bastion nodded.

“Like I’d believe that. You’re one of mine. I should have known you were programmed like the rest.”

Bastion shook their head.

“Come on. No more frolicking around for you. You’re going into my workshop and staying there.”

Bastion knew they deserved it but they didn’t want to go.

“I said, come on, you lump of lugnuts!” 

Torbjorn was behind them now, and kicking at their back legs.

“Did you turn off your audio sensors again? Damn tin can-!”

“My friend, stop.”

Bastion whirled their torso around. A new person had come around the corner. It was the tall man, Reinhardt, only he was not smiling now. 

“Reinhardt! What are you doing here? You need to get out of here. It might kill you if it gets the chance!” Torbjorn shouted.

“Says the one who’s kicking the Bastion.” Reinhardt replied.

This caused Torbjorn to pause. “Touche.”

Whereas Torbjorn was all hard lines and tension, Reinhardt was calm. He was muscled and large, trained for combat, Bastion’s targeting system added unhelpfully, but he didn’t register as a threat. His movements were slow and thoughtful and the only defined lines on his face weren’t from a harsh expression- they were wrinkles, wrinkles from smiles and laughter past, gently juxtaposed with the scar that went down his eye.

Reinhardt walked towards them. Bastion stepped around to meet him.

“Hello, friend.” Reinhardt spoke to them. His tone was as gentle as wind ruffling the grass.

“Wait, are you talking to it?” Torbjorn said.

“I’m sorry to have scared you.” He continued.

Bastion at first thought the apology was meant for Torbjorn, but the man’s steady gaze into their optic told otherwise. Bastion could only cock their head in response.

“The armor holds many bad memories for you, doesn’t it?”

Crusader. Bastion chirped as the word appeared again in their processor. They nodded.

“Reinhardt, it wasn’t scared. Don’t be silly. Given its origins, it’s programmed to engage combat protocols when it sees your armor.” Torbjorn huffed.

“Then why did it run?” Reinhardt asked.

Torbjorn opened his mouth to retort but no words came out. He shut it again and frowned, before kicking the ground.

The hostile motion caused a flutter of activity in Bastion’s threat analysis systems. They began to glance around and realized they were cornered.

“Easy, my Omnic friend! You are not trapped.” Reinhardt took one step aside.

Bastion took a small step. Torbjorn conceded his space as well and went beside the wall. Bastion walked forward, exiting the shade and dark of the alley and entering into the bright sunlight once again.

It was late afternoon, they noticed. The wind whistled across the rooftops, carrying the songs of birds from the sea below. Details they hadn’t noticed before.

“Better?” Reinhardt asked from behind.

The pavement lined with metal had some cracks, from which dandelions grew. The walls of the buildings were soft gray with accents of blue and orange. There was a peculiar pattern in the wall right ahead, many holes upon holes-

The realization was instantaneous. Bastion sunk down with a long, dull whine.

“You are ashamed.”

The statement was not framed as a question. It was a statement of fact, to which Bastion did not know how to respond. They were somewhat certain that regret and shame were similar, but where one ended and the other began was a mystery.

“The war left its impact on us all.” Reinhardt continued. “It took me some time before I could look an Omnic in the optic. Forgiveness comes slow. It can take even longer for the fear to fade.”

The statement, though softly spoken, was unsettling. Bastion looked at Reinhardt’s height again, this time taking an exact measurement. They recalled Torbjorn’s use of a certain possessive in regards to the armor. The armor. Its height. The measurement.

His armor.

“Crusader?” Bastion sputtered in Omnicode, their first comprehensible code in a while.

Reinhardt gave a sad nod. “You used that phrase when you saw my armor. I take it you figured out who I am?”

It didn’t make sense. It didn’t make sense. The man before them was kind and gentle. He couldn’t be, it couldn’t be.

“Does it make you afraid?”

Bastion looked him up and down. They tried to run a threat analysis, but it fizzled out when they saw his face where a steel helmet should be. They started the program again, and again, and again, but there was no conclusion.

Eventually, they shook their head.

“That is good to hear.” Reinhardt placed a hand upon their shoulder pad and grasped it firmly. “It means we have a place to start.”

 Bastion tensed. They did not move.

“That is alright as well. I understand you may not be ready to be too friendly yet.” He dropped his hand.

“Are you done coddling it?” Torbjorn asked.

Bastion turned their head around and realized Torbjorn was behind them. Likely, he had been back there for some time.

“Maybe. Are you done scolding it?” Reinhardt replied.

Torbjorn gave a huff. “Yes.”

“Very well. I shall give it back to you.”

Torbjorn came in front of Bastion. “You’re following me. Back to my workshop. Clear?”

Bastion gave a glance to Reinhardt, before nodding.

Without another word, Torbjorn marched in the direction of a nearby building. Bastion hesitated, before urging their legs to move.

“Wait, my patient Omnic friend!”

Bastion turned their torso around to look.

“Take good care of Torbjorn for me. Make sure he doesn’t stay up all night working on you!” Reinhardt laughed, before growing serious again. “And when you are ready to try and overcome your fear, I am here.”

Bastion paused. Reinhardt wore a close-lipped smile. There was something in his eyes. Something knowing. Bastion nodded.

“Come on, rustbucket!” Torbjorn called.

Bastion turned back around again and jogged to catch up. Torbjorn opened a big steel door and they followed through. The door shut behind them, sealing the sunlight away. There was only the dim light of fluorescent bulbs overhead. Torbjorn began to navigate down the many halls.

“. . . I suppose he thinks he’s getting closure.” He mumbled as they both traveled.

Bastion gave an inquisitive chirp.

“Nothing. Forget it.”

But Bastion did not forget.

---

The second time they saw the armor, they froze. 

It was a few weeks after the first time. Bastion had gained their peaceful reputation back, for the most part. Tracer was quick to forgive (“Poor thing, just startled, that’s all”) and the armor had been hustled away to some deep recess of the Watchpoint, out of sight and out of processor. 

So Bastion did not have any incidents and was allowed to leave Torbjorn’s workshop.

They did notice, however, that people kept an eye on them. There were more people now. Torbjorn didn’t know all of them. New members, he called them. The only thing they all had in common was that they all looked at Bastion whenever they entered a room.

Humans told a lot of emotions through their eyes. Bastion was programmed to read eyes for hostile signs, so they knew a thing or two about what the eyes said. They knew that some eyes were kind and some eyes were angry, but everything else was more difficult to discern.

The constant gaze of the eyes, demanding to be read, was exhausting. They did not spend much time among the others during what was considered their ‘down time’. Instead, they set about exploring the complex they now called home base.

That was when they had found the auxiliary workshop. That was when they had found the suspicious-looking tarp, with its telltale peaks and valleys, laid across a platform.

Bastion turned the lights on. The room was bathed in lights brighter than those out in the halls. Light beams reflected off of the plastic-coated tarp, accentuating the mass that laid beneath. 

They were not stupid. They knew that shape. Their threat analysis systems ticked on in the background, heightening their senses. The buzzing of the light bulbs above was the only sound, and the tarp, like any normal tarp, lay unmoving.

Bastion walked forward. They grabbed the edge of it.

They pulled.

Their systems screamed in perfect harmony as the glint of an orange visor appeared. Threat analysis, targeting overlay, engagement protocols. A thousand different strategic choices bombarded them from every direction- stay, fight, transform, run -and in an instant their processor had selected for them the best course of action. This action, of course, was to fill the room with lead.

They did not want to do that. They remembered the consequences.

Their systems scrambled to find an alternative. Target within melee range. Door is four meters away.

Bastion dismissed those thoughts and every thought that followed with the same reasoning. Consequences.

And they stayed very, very still.

Moments passed like great big clouds rolling across the sky on a sunny afternoon. Their targeting reticule, an angry red symbol brimming in omnicode threats, remained trained on the helmet of the armor. There was no movement. There was no other sound besides the buzzing of the bulbs.

The buzzing became louder. Louder. Their audio sensors maxed their limits. Missing a single sound could mean death. 

But there was nothing more than the vibrations that traveled through the floor as the building shifted on its foundation. Nothing more than the faint whistle of air circulation units. Nothing.

Their targeting reticule faded from red, to orange, to a dull yellow, but it did not disappear. It was still a threat. . . but not an active one. 

Bastion realized their cooling fans had spun on, providing some relief from the tension in their frame. With a deep intake of air, they continued pulling off the tarp.

They disposed of the tarp to the side. The Crusader lay bare before them on the platform. They poked at its side, and their targeting reticule flashed back to red, causing them to flinch backwards, but the armor did not move, so they approached it again. They prodded it again, more firmly. Nothing.

They picked up one of its limbs. It did not resist, and as far as they could tell, it contained no power or life. They let it drop out of their hand and back onto the platform. The sound boomed in their audio sensors before they recalibrated back to normal levels.

They traveled around to the helmet. They tapped the orange visor with their finger. They grabbed the crest that extended from its forehead and pulled. Without much tension, the helmet popped from its mounting. 

Their targeting reticule disappeared. Target eliminated. Bastion could only chirp in confusion.

They looked down to the helmet, then back to the rest of the body. There was no obvious connection port as far as they could tell. They picked the helmet up off the ground and examined it. No results either.

They pressed the empty opening of the helmet back against the empty hole in the armor, but this did not cause the two to join. They pushed harder, then let go, but it fell to the floor again. They tried twisting it, turning it, tilting it, all to no avail. When gravity reunited the helmet with the floor once more, Bastion beeped and kicked the thing with their foot.

It bounced along the concrete floor before rattling to a stop. Bastion beeped at it again for good measure.

“Having fun?”

Bastion flinched and turned to look. In the doorway stood. . . Reinhardt.

They walked over to the helmet and picked it up again, bleating out apologetic noises as they did so. They glanced over to Reinhardt and the power of the man’s gaze pinned them to their spot.

“I. . . understand if that’s how you feel about me.” He said, his voice like a winter wind.

Bastion jerked and shook their head. “Negative, negative,” they told in Omnicode.

They walked back towards the armor. With every step, they looked back to Reinhardt. His expression did not change. 

Bastion pressed the helmet back onto the hole, then let go. The helmet fell down again. Bastion then gestured at it with their hand and made the same beep they had at the helmet before.

Reinhardt’s features unfroze. The corners of his eyes crinkled as his lips formed a smile. He let out a laugh that rang from floor to ceiling, punctuated by thuds as he slapped his hand against his thigh.

Bastion found that they were imitating a giggle as well.

“Ha! That helmet never stayed on right.” Reinhardt pointed as he strode into the room.

He was filled with such vigor and speed and volume that Bastion took a step back. Reinhardt paid no mind, grabbing the helmet out of their hand. He held it out, the crest pointing towards his chest and the open end presented to Bastion.

“See, right here?” He pointed to the rim of the inside. “There’s a little lever you must push.”

If Bastion focused their optic, they could see a tiny mechanism flipping back and forth as Reinhardt pressed on it. They nodded.

Reinhardt tossed the helmet in his grip before aligning it with the rest of the armor. With both hands, he shifted it until the two finally joined. When he let go, the helmet stayed in place.

“A finicky thing, that helmet is!” Reinhardt gestured. 

Bastion nodded. They looked at the complete armor, then to Reinhardt, then back again.

Their targeting overlays sputtered on and off again, never on the man, but on the armor. With the head back on, it was a full suit again, and therefore dangerous, but other observations clearly contradicted that conclusion. With one final notification, the overlay turned off, and stayed off. Bastion could relax again.

When they looked to Reinhardt again, he had taken a step back and his expression no longer bore such joy. Bastion took a step towards him and gave an inquisitive chirp.

“Your optic.”

Their optic. What about it? They reached their hand up and trailed their fingers across the glass of their optic. They couldn’t detect any changes. They repeated their chirp.

“You do not know?”

Bastion brought their hand back to their side, then imitated a shrug.

Reinhardt laughed, but it was a different laugh than before. Something much shorter and more abrupt, but it eased the tension in his shoulders. Then he brought a hand to his chin.

“Bastion, did you know that your optic has a habit of turning red?”

Bastion knew a bit about what they looked like, based on what they saw of their reflection in ponds and streams and what they could see when looking down. They knew that their optic was about the same blue hue as the sky. 

Then again, Reinhardt hadn’t said ‘just red’. He had said it ‘turned’.

Either way, to answer the question, Bastion shook their head.

“It tends to do so whenever you are, shall we say, distressed?” Reinhardt continued.

The targeting overlay. It had to be the targeting overlay. With the way it changed their vision and how sometimes there was a distinct clicking noise when it turned on and off. Bastion nodded, and imitated a noise they had seen Torbjorn do whenever he made a realization.

“Ah, you are aware!” Reinhardt nodded along. 

Bastion searched their vocabulary for a string of codes they could use to tell him exactly what they meant, but all they could pull together was “Danger-warning-moving-sensor.”

Reinhardt’s eyebrows furrowed. Bastion repeated the phrase and tapped their head.

“Apologies, but I only know a few phrases of yours.” He said.

Bastion gave a warm tone with no meaning and nodded. Reassurance, hopefully.

He seemed to get the intent. “Thank you.”

They stood in silence for a few beats, before Reinhardt stooped down to pick up the tarp from the ground. He talked as he did so.

“Brigitte always covered my armor in this tarp when we transported it in the van. I, at first, objected. Who would not want to see such a shining beacon of justice?”

He shook the tarp with one motion, and specks of dust went flying into the air. 

“But as we traveled, she proved to be correct. Some of the places we traveled were not so hospitable. They did not want our help. It hurt, seeing my own countrymen reject me.”

He reached over to lay the tarp back down across the armor, but stopped.

“I realize now that I- my face, the armor, my legacy -only reminded them of the hardships of the past. When they saw me, they only saw the war. I cannot blame them for that.”

With great care, he spread the tarp across the great frame. The silvery metal disappeared from the light. Reinhardt put a hand on where the armor’s shoulder pauldron was.

Bastion brought up their own hand. They closed it into a fist, then opened it again. They then looked to their other arm. The arm that caused people to scream and run whenever it even twitched. 

They remembered the barrel on their back that everyone else could see but they could only notice if they turned their head around. They remembered how others would flinch at the sound of their footfalls.They remembered just how tall they were compared to most humans, and that alone was enough to make them shrink away. 

Yet, they certainly weren’t laying under a tarp in Torbjorn’s workshop.

Bastion grabbed the edge of the tarp and gave a tug. Reinhardt let go, startled.

“Are you sure?”

“Affirmative,” they coded with a nod.

Reinhardt joined in unveiling the armor. This time, there was no target overlay. No threat analysis, no combat protocols. The metal was empty, and there was no fear.

[theladycarpathia]

Good things come to those who wait

Hellcheer AU Bingo: Soulmates

“And they sent us here,” Wayne says anxiously, flicking his eyes between the doctor and Eddie. The doctor says nothing, just scribbles furiously on her file. Eddie picks at a stray thread and tries to pretend that them being bumped to a different department again isn’t a worry at all. The first doctor had barely looked at him before they’d been shuffled to another wing and then they’d finally been sent up here. Dr Morris is a specialist at the Agency of Soulmates and Bonds unit at Hawkins General, and with her chestnut hair and wire frame glasses, she hadn’t been what Eddie had expected. He’d kind of forgotten about the Agency anyway, the organization that monitors and registers every person who tests positive for a soulbond. What a soulbond has to do with Eddie’s current situation, he has no idea.

“We hadn’t noticed,” Wayne continues, as the silence goes on. The doctor’s pen skitters across the page and Eddie wonders what exactly she’s writing. What does she need so many notes for? “Not at first.”

“Most people don’t,” Dr Morris says, finally, the first words she’s really spoken to them since they’d sat down. She’d studied Eddie’s eyes and reflexes almost silently, efficiently taking some of his blood for further tests. “It’s a hard thing to notice, for most people. It isn’t until they haven’t been for a haircut for a year, or realize that they don’t need to trim their nails that it occurs to them that something is different.”

“Right,” Eddie says, resisting the urge to jiggle his leg under the table. The AOSAB must pay fairly well – her office is nice, with a large mahogany desk and little frondy plants on the windowsill. “So…what exactly is wrong with me?”

“Absolutely nothing,” Dr Morris says cheerfully, clicking the top on her pen. Eddie stares at her. He doesn’t have to look over to know that his uncle is doing the same.

“What?” Eddie blurts and feels Wayne nudge him under the table. But Dr Morris is still smiling so clearly, he’s not about to drop dead.

“Nothing is wrong, Mr Munson,” she explains and taps the front page of his file. “You tested positive for a soul bond, correct?”

Eddie nods, stupefied. When Eddie was thirteen, they tested his entire grade for a soulmate bond, a common practice in schools when the kids are old enough. Some people have their kids tested privately when they’re young but that costs a lot and is often more trouble than it’s worth. Hawkins Middle did the standard of taking everyone’s blood at the start of the school year by someone from the agency and it had taken nearly six months for the results to come back. Eddie had half forgotten about it. It’s not like he was expecting anything. Only a small fraction of the population tested positive for a bond. The previous year, only twelve at Hawkins Middle had a bond. Before that, eight. In the end, ten kids were taken to the office and told that they were the special ones.

“Were you not given the appropriate literature?” Dr Morris says, looking concerned. Eddie flushes.

They had handed all ten kids varying pamphlets with titles like ‘You’re soulbonded! What you need to know’ and ‘Using the soulmate register to find your bond partner’ and Eddie had just…shoved them down into the very bottom of his bag and forgotten about them.

Thirteen had been a bad year.

“We were,” Eddie falters, feeling like the kid who forgot his homework again. “But I just…” He trails off and Wayne rests a hand on his shoulder.

“Eddie came to live with me around then,” he explains. “It wasn’t the smoothest year.”

“Of course,” Dr Morris says sympathetically. She shuffles around some papers until she finds a paper-clipped stack of papers. “I keep insisting that they need a face-to-face class for the students for this kind of crucial information but there’s never quite the manpower, unfortunately. What Eddie is dealing with is a little-known side effect of the bond. Because such a small percentage of the population test positive for the bond and at least sixty-seven percent of those people meet their soulmate before they become of age, it further limits the general population’s knowledge of what happens if you don’t find your bond by the time you’re eighteen. Which means that you wouldn’t expect what’s been happening to you.”

“And that is…?” Wayne asks and Dr Morris looks up.

“That Eddie stopped aging,” she says, matter of factly. “Probably from the day after your birthday. It’s a remarkable process, actually.It’s as though you’re frozen in time. Hair and nails don’t grow, you stop shedding eyelashes, there’s none of the normal visible aging process you’d expect changing from eighteen to twenty as you are now.”

“Sorry,” Wayne says slowly, looking as stunned as Eddie feels. “He’s not aging?”

“Well, no,” Dr Morris says, selecting a pamphlet from her desk and handing it over. WHAT TO EXPECT WITH A SOULBOND: A BRIEF GUIDE TO THE UNEXPECTED.

Eddie flicks through it, taking in all the headings and neatly laid out bullet points. Some of it he already knows – the country-wide register that everyone is entered into once they test positive, how they test for the blood marker of a bond, the creation of the AOSAB in 1897 to better help those lucky few. But there on the last page, he finds what he’s looking for.

“Huh,” he says, for lack of anything else to say.

“It’s a lot,” Dr Morris says sympathetically, her kindly face creasing into a gentle smile. She’s probably had practice at this: they must teach it somewhere in Med school. “That’s the one part of soul bonds we haven’t quite fully understood yet. How it happens, why…with so few cases, it’s been difficult to find subjects to study.”

“So if I still haven't found my soulmate by the time I’m thirty...” Eddie says, stumbling over the very idea of it. “I’ll still look eighteen?”

“That’s the gist,” Dr Morris says briskly, scribbling down a few more things. Why she’d taken his blood now makes a kind of strange sense. She’d probably already known what was wrong with him when he came in, she just wanted a sample. “It’s a little strange but it shouldn’t affect your life too much. We can add this into your registry details and give you a card to use…sometimes looking eighteen when you’re actually older can cause a few complications so I suggest keeping that card with your ID. You’ll have to send a request for a full list of soul bonds from your school, but I did take the time to get a copy of the others from your year.”

She whips out a single sheet and places it on the desk in front of Eddie. And there, underneath the date and year, are the nine other names.

“I don’t know if any look familiar?” Eddie says, flicking his eyes over the list. “I mean, if it were any of them wouldn’t I already know?”

“It’s not guaranteed,” Dr Morris explains, folding her hands in front of her. “There are actually very specific rules about meeting your soulmate. Names have to be exchanged, for starters…can you say that you met every person on this list, rather than just vaguely passing them in the hall?”

“No,” Eddie says begrudgingly. The only name here that he recognises is the King of Hawkins High himself – and if Eddie’s soulmate is Steve ‘The Hair’ Harrington, he’ll drive out to Lover’s Lake and throw himself in.

The doctor makes a ’well, there you go’ gesture.

“I’d start with your classmates,” she suggests. “But do send off for the register. I’d suggest about five years before and maybe two or three after, just to be sure. In cases like these, sometimes the older of the pair bond has to wait for their partner to catch up.”

Eddie has a brief vision of a thirteen-year-old not yet on the registry and makes a face.

“Within reason,” Dr Morris says, dryly. She’d clearly seen the thought pass through his head. “But you may find that there’s someone out there who hasn’t yet discovered that they’re not aging.”

Eddie shoves the pamphlet into his pocket as Uncle Wayne shakes the doctor’s hand. They file out into the hallway and Wayne pats Eddie on the shoulder.

“Not so bad, was it?” he asks gruffly and Eddie stares at his shoes.

Yeah. It could be worse. Eddie should remember that.

The waiting area is mostly empty, the generic muzak piping in from a speaker. The plastic chairs are all empty save for a middle-aged woman with a green raincoat and tired eyes. The AOSAB has its own section for soulbond related medical inquiries at Hawkins General and Eddie’s always wondered what exactly that involves. Now he knows.

“Sure,” he says, and they wait for the receptionist to finish her call. She takes the paperwork handed to them by Dr Morris and Eddie doesn’t miss the way her eyes flick over to him with interest.

“Alright, so you need an over-eighteen exemption card,” she says briskly, pushing her glasses further up her nose. “But I should warn you that it can take anywhere from ten to twelve working days for it to be added to your details on the registry. However, as you’re not yet twenty-one, that shouldn’t pose too much of a problem. We do recommend informing employers, just in case…”

Eddie restrains a snort. It’s highly unlikely that he’s going to need to inform anyone in his line of work. Reefer Rick would probably just stare at him and then ask if he’s high.

He wonders if he can tell the guys at Hellfire. Probably not…they don’t even know he’s got a soulbond. Most people are pretty private about it, until they meet their soulmate. With it being so low among the general population, a soulbond is still treated as something strange and inexplicable. As far as he knows, it’s something that even Steve Harrington kept quiet. The weird stigma around soulbonds hasn’t yet changed but humans so far haven’t proved at being too good with anything they think of as ‘other.’

“Eddie’s still in high school,” Wayne says, and the receptionist’s eyebrows raise ever so slightly. “He’s hit a few bumps, that’s all.” There’s a faint edge to Uncle Wayne’s tone, like he’s daring her to make a comment about it. Eddie has long given up caring what people think of him.

With one obvious exception and he hasn’t met her yet. He’s also a little afraid to.

“This year is gonna be my year,” he says, firmly. He’s going to graduate, leave that stupid school in his dust, and trust that Hellfire is in good hands. Because let’s be honest here - what are his chances that his soulmate is waiting for him at Hawkins High?

The receptionist cheerfully taps the registry packet in front of him and beams. “In more ways than one!”

[anonymousad]

crowdfund review: Shelterwood

Shelterwood has been on my radar for a while, since last year when they were casting (I think it was last year, but at this point we're over midway through this one so it may have been more recently). there have been rumblings about it for a while, lots of people intrigued by the initial pitch of "suburban gothic horror", so it's already gotten a bit of traction. I was unsurprised to see it announce a crowdfund. even more unsurprised to see certain aspects of it weren't up to snuff.

as usual, the link: https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/shelterwood-a-suburban-gothic

so let's start as we always do...

(Un)Realistic Goals

what is with this $26,000 number, I'm serious was there a memo that went around to all of you saying this was a magic number???

genuinely, I find it especially odd when you consider that this is the exact same amount that Arden season 3 was asking for, and that is a show that is very established with prior crowdfunding success to base it off of. and I still thought it was a lot to be asking for them as people who had proven to their fans the quality they would provide.

Shelterwood is a project helmed by Stephen Indrisano (he/they), sometimes known as Indrisano Audio. I believe this is his first project as a writer, but on their website you can find other credits for both acting and sound design. of note, he is part of the team for Re: Dracula. suddenly why they think that giant number is acceptable makes a lot more sense, doesn't it? has Tal advice written all over it.

you know we will come back to this number in the budget section, but once again I will say that a "flexible goal" is not a bad thing, but maybe it's a sign that you should set a more realistic goal and then have stretch goals on top. I went pretty in-depth on the reasoning behind that in the Arden crowdfund review (that none of you read), but again.

we'll come back to this number.

Video Time

exactly 1 minute long, a reasonable ask of any prospective backer's time. but it's not about the campaign. this is a teaser trailer that goes on the podcast feed with a video component. honestly, the video aspect is not bad, it's a live action attempt to show off the general vibe and energy with actual clips of the show playing. has the same amateur energy of a lot of short films I would say, but sometimes that's charming. and the clips used are good, they tell the story of what to expect and the framing of it.

but it's not about the campaign.

a brief mention at the end with a link is all you get, and honestly that should have just been saved for the text portion of the post. most ideally, that's the INTRO of your video and after that first minute you have a call to action that actually says more.

good information to include:

time frame of the campaign

amount looking for

mention the passion of the team working on it

you can even mention influences here, but like one or two. keep it brief if you're going to

technically the video never even asks you to support the campaign, just that it is "crowdfunding now" and you can follow the url for more details. not much of a call to action to actually get people to take a look.

the ideas they executed on in the video are done well, but you can tell it wasn't really thought about how to make this work for the crowdfund so much as it would for just making me follow the RSS feed ahead of launch.

The Story and People

What Is Shelterwood: A Suburban Gothic?

as stated in their description, Shelterwood: A Suburban Gothic is a 16-part "Docu-Horror Podcast" (not sure why they capitalize those words to be honest). up front this is really good important information that will be immediately helpful in telling someone whether they will be interested in the project. there are plenty of people in the community with strong feelings one way or the other on the "docu-series" style, and being this clear about it is a good thing. for some they'll be more excited, and others will know this isn't worth their time and be able to move on (which isn't really a loss because even if you got them to read further they wouldn't likely give money anyway).

also love to see the length of the series being stated clearly here. "a 16-part" length tells me the most important information I need about the scope of the campaign. in part because it implies that this money will cover the production of the ENTIRE series, rather than later having them come back and go "hey, we actually are doing two seasons of 8 episodes each so we need another $26k to finish the story". that better not be what fucking happens, I swear

moving on, we are introduced to the writer/producer I mentioned above, Stephen Indrisano (he/they) (along with a link to his website, thank you for showing that people can very easily add hyperlinks in these sections). this section doesn't say anymore about Stephen or their personal qualifications to be asking for this much money and trust, but if you follow through to the website you can see credits for things they've been involved with on the production side. it would be better to not have to go elsewhere or dig for this kind of thing, when you are asking for a sum this large in any setting there is an expectation of proving that you can be trusted with it. and that comes down to more than the people you bring on board to help, it matters specifically with regards to the showrunner themself.

so why should I trust that Stephen can create a product so professional it needs $26,000 USD? at this point there's no reason. but let's keep going.

very brief one sentence description of the plot, not a bad thing to have but it could be fleshed out a little more to have some of the interesting details that were alluded to in the video trailer. again, not everyone will watch your trailer, sometimes when I see a campaign I'm in public or otherwise unable to listen to something and so will skip something with sound. plus it's less accessible to not have a written component (though it does look like care was taken to make sure the youtube captions were accurate, something very easily overlooked by even full-time video creators), but that does still require someone hitting play on a video they might not be able to.

we get a short list of inspirations, including two other well-known podcasts and an iconic horror video game, and then a description of "one part Gothic, one part Found Footage, and one hundred percent terrifying." which is not a bad tagline, but I'm still thrown by the weird capitalization going on here, that might just be a me thing.

Who Is Involved With This?

here's where we get some cast and crew and the standard name dropping you might expect from this type of production. it isn't necessarily trying to coast on the people involved and their success, buuuuttttt kind of a little it is. honestly I don't blame campaigns for doing this to an extent, even fans of a thing don't always remember the names of the people behind it.

it is always a bit suspicious to see name drops without additional context however.

we all know you put The Magnus Archives first as an attention grab, even though you only have one actor from that show who did a very good job but wasn't at all responsible for it being so beloved. Alasdair is great, but people need to stop coasting on his willingness to do smaller projects as a way to make themselves look more important.

of the 8 people listed in the crew section (which when it comes to quality of the finished product is who tends to matter more), I recognize and can connect 3 of them to other projects, and only two of those in a significant aspect. now that doesn't have to mean anything, but for me it does make me ask questions and want to dig into what the rest have done before to get a sense of the quality of the final production.

a small thing: it is also weird that within the crew section Stephen is the only one not with a crew related credit. obviously we've already been told he wrote it, but I'm not sure why it isn't still included when two other people in that section have both a cast and crew role listed.

I will say that the graphic looks nice, but I've brought up before how IndieGoGo doesn't seem to have any kind of alt text feature and so when you have an image with a lot of information you should keep that in mind. all of these people are only listed on the image, not in the text. the only thing that gets the text with links out treatment is the shows that Shelterwood is bragging about their talent being from. just something I thought I'd point out, if it's about the people then you should highlight the PEOPLE.

as much as I would like to, I'm not gong to dig into each of the credentials of the people listed here, cast or crew. people deserve to be given chances even if they're new to the scene (every gig is someone's first gig), and my personal desire to know how "qualified" each of them is is ENTIRELY coming from the amount of money being asked for. for even a $10,000 goal I would not be asking all these questions, there is just a threshold after which I get really suspicious and feel that justification is necessary. which they try to do a bit in the budget section.

but let's move onto the next bit, I don't think there is all that much to comment on as far as actors except what I've already said about clout.

Campaign Rewards and Goodies

let's talk tiers and perks.

the Shelterwood campaign has a total of 9 tiers, ranging from $5 at the lowest up to $1,000. you already know what's coming when we hit that one

so first of all, I think the sidebar tier scroll is REALLY good. the images for each level are unique and eye-catching, and help add to the general feel that the show is going for. scrolling through them really helps paint the picture for the Stepford energy to expect from this fictional neighborhood. each image also good theming, relating to the different aspects of being part of a neighborhood, from "Architect" to "Licensed Realtor". very good job on that, it adds to the fun of the experience and telling your friends about the level you backed at. especially if you want to make jokes about this being the only homeowner adjacent status you can afford.

the tier descriptions are a little more verbose when you are actually looking at the options for selection, so I'm going to be referring to what is written there. I will point out if there is any substantial difference between that and the main text of the campaign, but for the most part it seems to just be an additional sentence and small wording tweaks.

NOTE: every tier includes all the rewards that are part of the prior tiers, I will not be pointing this out for all of them because that just gets repetitive and makes this even longer than it needs to be.

$5 PROSPECTIVE BUYER - a reasonable intro tier, and honestly anything lower doesn't seem to get many people on board anyway. a tip jar type $1-3 tier always seems like a good idea, but I doubt it's making up enough of the funding to justify itself when it comes down to it. but let's look at what's in this first bit of goods:

a pack of digital wallpapers - could be interesting based on the types of images we've been shown so far in relation to the campaign, and honestly it's a nice extra at this basic tier that a lot of campaigns will reserve for $20+

supporter updates through development - this is very vague and will probably come down to the way that all crowdfunding campaigns post updates. something that can usually be seen by people whether or not they backed your campaign, so I don't actually think this an exclusive anything for being a supporter. but at this tier price that's fine enough honestly.

supporter exclusive discord - perfectly reasonable to place here, helps even the backers who can't give much to feel like they are able to be part of and support the project as it becomes reality.

$15 NEW NEIGHBOR - the jump from $5 to $15 is a little odd to me, but I guess if you are trying to keep the number of tiers lower and already know your high point it is okay. personally the difference between offering $5 and $10 is a much easier choice to bump up as a supporter than going all the way to $15.

personalized shout-out on Twitter and/or Tumblr - to be fair, this was before the latest Twitter meltdown, so offering that was not quite as pathetic a couple weeks ago. BUT this is still a pretty sad upgrade for tripling your pledge?

$30 LONG-TIME RESIDENT - this has the same price increase issue as the last, there's just something about going up to $30 versus $25 that feels odd? harder to justify, sometimes numbers don't feel linear when it comes to money

curated recommendations - "everything you need to understand who we are and why" is a very vague description of what this might contain. I'm assuming we're talking books, movies, tv-shows, video games, other podcasts, and music that helped inspire the show. which honestly is fun, I don't mind that, it's just being extremely vague about it. $50 says House of Leaves is on there (no hate, it's a very important piece of architectural horror).

Haunted House micro-zine - UH OH. we all remember what this means, right? we all saw the absolutely PITIFUL micro-zine that went out to Re: Dracula supporters and with many of the same people involved here that is definitely the level of quality to expect (shoddy folding, clip art ass looking artwork, copy-pasted stuff from the web vs original content, misaligned printing, etc). granted, I think this is a PDF version (not that it specifies that itself, just based on the full tier description that says "a printable first step into the neighborhood"), but still. that zine was also at the $30 level and there were people really disappointed with it. I am not going to link to the Twitter thread in which one of the people involved with the campaign actively searched for and found a post with no hashtags or tags and proceeded to put them on blast to their own thousands of followers. but I want you all to know that I remember that happening, and it IS going to become relevant again at some point in the future.

UPDATE: right has I was doing my final checks of the campaign to make sure my images were up to date for this and things were still as I expected, an update was posted. an update that in part pertains to the micro-zine. I think everything I wrote above (and below about the physical version) is still relevant, BUT specifics of that will be revealed and discussed right before the end of this post if you want to jump down there and take a look at what I have to say now.

$50 LICENSED REALTOR - jumping up another $20 so that they can print out two sheets of paper and add 3 random stickers to send you

printed versions of the curated recommendations and micro-zine - you know what, they did at least learn that a printed copy of their zine was NOT worth going at the $100 tier. so they did make one improvement.

3 random stickers - stickers are nice and easy and can be sent worldwide for pretty cheap. a good thing to have, I just also usually like to see what these stickers might look like. in this case, that would be especially helpful because you are only getting 3 of the 5 designs, and it might actually help a backer decide to up their tier level because they really want to make sure they get the ones they want.

$100 DEVELOPMENT INVESTOR - for adding $50 to your pledge (doubling it) you can get some really boring shit:

all 5 stickers - adds the other two stickers! wow, thanks. totally worth it...

a signed, printed script page - a.... single page? for $50??? I'm sorry, but what the fuck are you doing. this is an INSULTING reward for someone giving you $100. that may not be a lot of money to some people, but especially right now during a huge economic downturn? that's just pathetic.

UPDATE: while it isn't listed here (which should be updated by them when they see this), as part of Campaign Update #2 (which I cover near the bottom of this behemoth post) there was an additional perk added to this tier and above: "a unique page of blackout poetry from a book that influenced the show" - I have no strong opinions on blackout poetry. I still don't think that this makes this tier worth it, but at least they recognize how pathetic it is that it needs a little more of a boost to look appealing.

as an aside: here's some examples of $100 backer rewards that I've seen on campaigns and think ARE worth it:

Syntax - both an annotated full script AND a personalized voice message from any cast member AND credit shout-out (not even counting the earlier included rewards such as an exclusive enamel pin and AMA)

Red Valley - a signed and bound FULL SCRIPT

Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason - an autographed FULL episode script AND a t-shirt

juuussssttttt some food for thought.

but let's continue on, I'm sure nothing else will be questionable here. can you feel the sarcasm coming off of me in waves, even across an ocean I hope you can sense it

$150 HOMEOWNER'S ASSOCIATION MEMBER - add another $50 for an exclusive poster (which honestly seems pretty reasonable especially when you consider how much international shipping is and production costs of a nice print. assuming the print is high quality, but you never know with this stuff until someone gets it)

an exclusive poster - again, would love to see a design. and maybe measurement details would be nice? I am really glad to see that the artist is named and linked to. the lack of credit I've seen on some campaigns for things they've hired out for is a really disappointing thing, so I am genuinely very happy to see a link to the artist's gallery. it gives a good idea of the style without giving away the mystery (if we want to give the benefit of the doubt that it is supposed to be a fun "mystery" what you will receive) as well as introducing people to an artist who may have other work they would enjoy and like to support. big A+ for that, seriously. the bar is really low on some of this shit.

$250 ARCHITECT - fucking hell, we're jumping up a full $100 now, time for the big leagues benefits

limited edition t-shirt - honestly I can't believe that they decided to put the t-shirt behind a $250 paywall. absolutely absurd, especially after I pointed out that it was included at the $100 tier for a campaign like Two Flat Earthers. I'm serious, do you know how cheap it is to print on demand a t-shirt? it's not dirt cheap, but it is NOT $250 tier level. I am unsurprised that at this point only one person has backed at this tier.

personalized thank you note from writer/creator - this is a nice reward, but again why do you think it is worth enough to be a $250 tier perk? especially when we all know that a "thank you note" can just be a one sentence thing with your name plugged into it. doesn't even say anything about being an exclusive postcard design or anything else that might make it worth it. Stephen might just go to Sam's Club or Costco and bulk buy a box of generic thank you cards to fill out.

$500 CHAIRPERSON OF THE ASSOCIATION - here's where things get a little more interesting

name a character or location in the show - this kind of thing is fine, my one hang up is just that sometimes these things are so fleeting or hidden that they barely qualify as a fun easter egg? we all know that this isn't going to be naming something important, and that's okay, I just hope that it's going to be naming something that is actually audible and noticeable at some point in the show.

one-of-a-kind "production ephemera" - this is a very neat perk that could also be really fucking disappointing. I think to make something like this appropriately exciting you need to give a specific example, more than saying "such as a prop from the video". especially when you use a term like "ephemera" there is an implication of it being something really neat and unusual and you should want to be selling that idea more explicitly. I do genuinely like this reward though, I think it IS relatively appropriate for this level of contribution and could be something really special. could be.

NOTE: this is the first tier where I feel the need to bring up that there are no limits on the number of backers at each level. I think for most physical goods that can get produced it isn't a huge deal to leave it open because a lot of that stuff is going to be made to whatever number is needed without much issue. but when you get into the territory of a "one-of-a-kind" good, there are going to be limitations on what is classified as being good enough to give away. if you get 30 backers at this level, but only 10 of the items are really worth it, you are doing a huge disservice. capping these numbers can also entice people to jump on them for fear of missing out on the one-time opportunity, so it can in fact be beneficial. for example, the Red Valley campaign I posted earlier capped their 3 highest tiers (10, 10, and 5) and sold out of ALL of them. granted, their highest tier was $328 USD (£250 GBP) and not $1000, but still.

$1000 TOWN FOUNDER - who could have guessed that the big $1k tier was once again a vanity Executive Producer credit.

Executive Producer credit - wow. I'm so shocked by this. truly this is the fallback reward of so many campaigns and is so fundamentally USELESS. stop trying to sell people a vanity title, it's gross and doesn't mean shit, and muddies the waters when it comes to the actual creatives who are involved. stop making me point this out. the fact that some people are willing to pay for this does not make it less of a skeezy scam.

[listed] in all show notes and transcripts - there is a typo here that says "listen" instead of "listed", not a huge deal it just made me do a double-take and wonder if I was in fact correctly understanding this reward. initially I read it as "oh cool, they actually get to listen in on some production stuff maybe?" only to realize that no. it's just more shit for the vanity title.

verbal thank you at end of all episodes - generally this is a nice tier reward, but again is it worth $1000? I also pointed out above that the Syntax campaign had this as a $100+ reward, which feels much more reasonable. this does again also bring back the thought of putting limits on the number of backers, because do you really want to potentially be reading dozens of names at the end of every episode? granted at this high of a tier that was never likely, but I did point this out for my Arden write-up which had it included at a tier far too low to leave open.

notably missing things:

any images - literally anything to show off potential rewards. I pointed it out at those tiers, but having a reward for 3 out of 5 random stickers and not showing ANY of the stickers? why would I even think about backing higher to get all of them when I have no idea what I'm missing out on.

any mentions of ad-free episodes - maybe they aren't planning to put ads on the podcast anyway, but worth pointing out that it isn't mentioned anywhere

early access to episodes - this one is usually a staple, weird to find it absent when it's such an easy draw

behind the scenes content - currently there is no indication that they have any kind of platform where they might share behind the scenes stuff, and it isn't a required thing. but I know a lot of people ARE interested in this stuff so I would think that maybe it could have a place. if there is supposed to be an implication that these things will be in the supporter-exclusive Discord server, then that should be clearly said because it is something that could convince people to support.

no add-on rewards - this isn't a super common one and I kind of get why they didn't include this, but when you have some of your physical rewards like a t-shirt locked behind these hugely expensive tiers no one is going to have them. but if you add a $30-50 t-shirt add-on people will buy it. and that's publicity when they wear it, when they post about receiving it, and when they see it in their own closet and think about your show. the ongoing Tell No Tales crowdfund has an add-on option for their very cute mug design, something I personally know people have added to their contributions

some general thoughts on these rewards:

mostly unenticing and overpriced, with nothing that really is selling them as a worthwhile investment. for all the money that they are asking, none of these tiers (particularly the high ones with the possible exception of the $500 one) have anything that would make me pledge above $15. things are either too far out of reach and expensive like the t-shirt or just plain not enticing like the micro-zine.

now that THAT is dealt with, let's move onto the imaginary world of how this money would be parsed out if the campaign were fully funded.

Where Will My Money Go? AKA The Budget

NOTE: because this is a flexible goal campaign, for calculations I am going to use the $26,000 USD being asked for to demonstrate the cost breakdown of the provided budget. this is reasonable given that by asking for this much they are claiming that this is the amount it would take to produce this audio drama. whether or not they receive that, that is the implicit claim.

here you can see the budget pie chart provided by the campaign (I would like to say that visually I am a fan of this weird kind of tv psychedelic thing they have going on in the background of their images). it is... a thing. not a good thing.

Before the Dive

but let's start with what the campaign says in this section because that is also very interesting for other reasons. let's highlight what I think are the most important things:

270 page script

3 years of development already

"we are striving for nothing less than fair wages for all parties involved"

this breakdown applies AFTER crowdfund and reward expenses are accounted for

that last one is particularly important, because my first reaction to this chart was wondering if they were rolling the crowdfunding fees and reward expenses into "production" since they definitely didn't fit anywhere else. this does also slightly complicate the math because I do not know what those expenses will come out to apart from the standard 5% fee that these platforms usually take.

I do also think that the 3 years of development is really important to consider, especially when you combine it with the claim of "fair wages for all parties involved". as it stands, this budget breakdown does NOT do this, because it does not take into account those 3 years of writing and development and pre-production in terms of compensation. this problem of not paying the writers is something I keep seeing, and I think it keeps happening because the writing has already been done and it feels weird to some people to ask for retrospective payment. but if you pitch a script to a director and a studio picks it up, you get paid for that time! you get compensated for the thing you wrote that was a gamble, and if this campaign is making money off of that 3 years of work, why should that not be compensated to an extent?

in a lot of cases this would be the most important thing for me to call out here, that discrepancy between claiming to want fair wages for everyone, but that only seeming to apply when it comes to the production and post-production stages.

now, 270 pages is not nothing. that's a lot of script to write. but it's also not that much script to write if we're being honest. there are shows I listen to that have hour long episodes and their transcripts are 80-90 pages EACH. so comparing that to Shelterwood could have you thinking this is only going to come out to about 3 hours of content.

I actually had to come back to this section and make some adjustments because it's only in the FAQ (where most people forget to look) that episode length is mentioned (40-50 minutes).

now then.

Let's Get Into the Numbers

it's time to crunch some numbers.

it's going to be a bit difficult to divide based on anything except the cast/crew list and the number of episodes that will be produced, but I will try my best to break it down like that.

there is also a bit of really useful information hidden a little further down in the stretch goals section of the campaign (which I am glad I made note of before doing all of my math).

in the "How Much Do You Need to Raise?" section is the following:

For this project to get off the ground, we need to raise $26,000, with a green light to start production at $20,800. But don’t worry, we’ve got some exciting milestones to hit before then! For every $5,000 of our total goal raised, we’ll be releasing a micro-sode in the world of Shelterwood

this has some VITAL information for our calculations, namely that the ACTUAL goal to start production is $20,800 USD, not $26,000 USD.

there is a slight problem with this however, in that a "green light to start" can mean a few things. because the campaign is still a flexible goal, even if they don't hit this number they will get the money, so I am assuming it does NOT mean that they have to hit it to start production at all. I think what it is meaning to say is that it's either hitting that number or the campaign ending that will be the green light.

however, there is an alternative.

this is a group of podcasters with some significant pull and connections, something we've seen some of them deploy for other projects. namely, Re: Dracula.

yeah, we're back at this one apparently.

the reason I bring it up at all, is because that was a project that IN ADDITION to their crowdfund had a $10,000 investment from Seed & Spark. now why might that be relevant? there is a chance that when Shelterwood says it needs $20,800 to green light the production, that is an absolute statement. but that they have plans to try and find other investors to help them hit it if the crowdfunding doesn't get them there. I don't have any real reason to believe this would be the case, Re: Dracula was very upfront about their outside investment. but it does feel like something to point out with regards to how this is worded.

either way, I am going to be doing the calculations for 1. reaching the full goal, 2. reaching the "green light" goal, and 3. as a per episode cost. hopefully these three ways will give a good insight into the actual budget being proposed here.

there is also something in this text about promised "micro-sodes" at each $5,000 hit. that isn't about stretch goals, it's about the whole campaign. so we need to factor it in somehow. luckily there is already the first one up on the Someone Dies In This Elevator feed (another perk of having Tal on your campaign is getting some of the promotion they only seem to reserve for friends) and so I can see that it is 7.5 minutes long (which, side note, it's kind of weird that Shelterwood isn't referenced in the name of this one? it's in the show notes, but I scrolled past it without realizing and then had to take a closer look as I was going through again to figure out which it was).

most of this feed seems to be populated by a variety of micro-sodes, lengths ranging from as low as 4 minutes to as high as 11 minutes. so this one is actual bang on the money for average length. additionally, we know from the FAQ that the actual episodes will be 40-50 minutes apiece. now, I did not know that when I DID the calculations because I didn't check that section until the end.

as a side note, before we get into it: I really appreciate it when campaigns do some of this for me and include their own actual numbers along with the percentages. maybe you don't want to make my life easier, I am in fact largely writing about campaigns that I think are not good, but still. even as a prospective backer it's nice to see the 1 to 1 of "oh if I give $100 that is paying for half of an episodes acting!"

so let's break it down with first the big percentages as numbers:

here's where that little bit of info about the micro-sodes is useful. I was going to use my calculations to basically guess at how comparable all of these were compared to a full episode, before I realized the actual expected episode length was in the FAQ. but then I realized that the phrasing of these goals is that they are already completed and just waiting to be published, about 37.5 minutes of content based on the one we currently have access to. only the stretch goal mini-sodes have NOT been written and produced. so I am actually NOT going to factor them into the costs, because I've already pointed out that we are seemingly ignoring work that has already been completed before the campaign went live, and this is definitely that. so thank you for making my math a bit easier I guess by not having to factor those in.

additionally, I did point out how the campaign says that the percentages will be applied to the number leftover after campaign related costs, but that is an impossible amount of money to guess. so for ease I will be ignoring it entirely.

(I actually just forgot to calculate what 5% of the total goal removed would change the numbers to, and I really don't want to redo all my math now that I've realized this. sorry if that makes me seem less professional with my breakdown, but I can only do so much and don't have all the time in the world to make this perfect. an impossible task as-is.)

so. let's see these numbers in full (in USD):

PRODUCTION - 10% - $2,600 (at the $26k goal) or $2,080 (at $20,800) - $162.50 or $130/episode

so first of all, "production" is a very vague term. to some creators this may or may not include sound design and other aspects of editing, but since sound design is accounted for separately it makes it less clear what this bucket means.

I think that we can get a better idea by looking at the involved crew, but there will still be some guesswork involved.

first up, I think we can assume that this does NOT include payment for writing the script. we've already covered that I think, but I just to explicitly address that since in my mind that would be in the "production" bucket for this categorization of budget.

next we have the producer. again, this is fucking vague as hell in terms of titles, means different stuff to different people. I do however think it is part of this section of payment, given the name, so there is one person.

we also have 2 directors for this project. now, I think a case could be made that the directors are getting paid from the actor pool, but what it really is is part of the production side of things so I am going to assume it is here. that brings us up to 3 people.

lastly we have the graphic designer, a role that definitely falls into production as it almost certainly entails stuff like promotional material, marketing, and unique cover art for episodes (if they go that way, plenty of shows don't).

so we have a total of 4 people to split this money, though not all of these roles are equal. but as an average payment, we're looking at about $650 or $520 per person. I do think that the rate for the directors compared to the graphic design work is not going to paid the same, though I don't really have a clear idea how either of those costs will compare to the role of the producer here.

however.

even if we were to divide this in a way that was VERY generous to the co-directors, up to $1000 each even, that is really fucking low.

if both are taking part in directing all episodes, at 16 total that is $62.50 pay each.

if they are splitting the directing work and each taking 8, that is $125 for the episode in question.

either way, it comes out to the same amount overall, which is not really fair compensation for what will come out to what I would guess is around 25+ hours of work.

that estimation could be really off, but based on my own experiences I think I'm even being a bit conservative on that point. maybe not everything is being directed, some of the smaller parts might be recorded asynchronously, but still.

for a budget this massive, to only be setting aside less than $3000 is kind of ridiculous.

moving on.

MUSIC - 10% - $2,600 (at the $26k goal) or $2,080 (at $20,800) - $162.50 or $130/episode

again, I'm a little confused by the crew list here. we have listed both a "composer" AND someone doing "in-show music". given the context of the framing device as a docu-series, I'm still left pretty confused? this designation of "in-show" kind of implies that there will be a separation between the more professional production investigative documentary-esque side and some other place that music would be. the only things I can think that that would exclude are intro and outro music, which is not hugely significant compared to the main content of the show that will be given original music as background.

it makes it a little harder to distinguish these roles, though I do believe that the "in-show music" is going to be a larger portion of the production, so will likely get a larger chunk of the funds allocated here.

but let's assume for a moment that these are equivalent roles, and look at how much each will be paid:

for the full project, that comes out to $1,300 or $1,040 each (or approximately $81.25 or $65/episode.

now I don't think that the per episode cost here is that valuable, considering music is most often something that is paid a flat fee for. additionally, it's unlikely that every episode is going to have unique music; a certain number of compositions will be done to cover the broad themes needed (i.e. music for action moments, for investigative moments, for emotional moments) and then reused throughout the series. it's not really possible to make a guess at the amount of music that is going to be produced, so whether or not this is a fair pay rate is unclear. I will point out that there is a stretch goal involving an album, so we're probably talking about more than 10 distinct compositions.

even so, let's remember that this is the same amount allocated as for Production, but only split between 2 people. which is interesting. as I said, music can have re-use, but things like direction and production usually cannot, so I would expect those things to take up more time overall. and yet the same amount of money is being split more ways too.

again, this is all educated guesswork. it isn't super common for podcasts to have entirely original music and it's also very nebulous in how many tracks are required to keep things from feeling repetitive and to match the varying tones in a story. this leaves us to kind of just take this section of the budget as a gut check, one that I wouldn't really think much about if not for the fact it is being valued at the same price as "production".

I do think it's also worth asking a question about the need for original music. for a theme and credits track I definitely get it, having something that is 100% solely identifiable with YOUR production is big and helps it feel special. but when we're talking about background music, these are things that are arguably not that important in terms of being completely original?

I do think this isn't that much of an issue here, the music budget is still very tiny compared to the rest of the proposed costs, but it is still over $1000 for something that could be achieved by using a more cost effective solution like a sound library. as an example, Epidemic Sound is $239.88/year for a commercial license, and you could possibly get away with the personal subscription at just $119.88/year (I don't endorse this service, it is just seems to be the one most commonly used). there are a huge number of tracks, more than enough to tackle sound design for a documentary-style horror podcast.

let me be clear: I love music, I love musicians, I think people should have opportunities to get paid for their talent.

but I think it says something about how highly that this production sees itself that they are pursuing costs that are arguably not NECESSARY (we will get back to this, have faith). the more the cost of the campaign climbs, the more you should be evaluating what is most important. if the music isn't integral to the story, how are you justifying that additional cost?

like I said, I don't think it necessarily applies here in the context of the percentage of the budget, but $1,040-1,300 is still a LOT for most campaigns.

but let's keep going, we're about to look at the majority of where the budget is going.

CAST - 40% - $10,400 ($26k) or $8,320 ($20,800) - $1,625 ($26k) or $1,300 ($20,800)/episode

from these numbers we can also break down approximate actor pay.

what we know for sure from the cast announcement is that there are a total of 27 actors (3 of whom are also crew). obviously there are going to be varying levels of supporting vs main, but at this point there isn't anything I can say about the breakdown of that besides a guess (in a cast this size I would personally guess that probably 5ish roles are considered main characters, with 5-10ish as supporting and the rest as flavor characters).

but let's just look at breakdown as though every role were somehow equal in terms of compensation:

that gives us about $385 or $308 per voice actor across all episodes, or an average of $24 or $19.25 per actor per episode.

again, I don't think this is an accurate breakdown, obviously our perspective character is going to be speaking for most of every episode and just from looking at character names in the cast list you can tell quite a few will only appear once or twice.

but when you factor in that over half of these actors are likely doing minor characters and getting paid probably around $25 for their entire contribution, that leaves a lot of money left.

as a quick guesstimation, let's say 15 of the actors are in this group, accounting for only $375 of this budget. that leaves over $10,000 on the table to be split among 12 people, most of whom will not be main characters and probably only make $100-250 each. even if I were to be generous with these numbers, there is still a lot of money left on the table going to the main actors in the group. more than there needs to be for it to be fair compensation.

I want to reiterate that it's difficult to do anything definitive with the information we have, but I think it is somewhat useful to do this exercise as there are some somewhat standard rates of pay within audio drama, at least for smaller sized roles.

I believe in fair pay, but there is a difference between what that means in audio drama and what that means in other voice acting career spaces. I think there is a larger conversation to be had about that, particularly as we keep seeing crowdfunding campaigns of this size that seem to be trying to make their project something that provides a "living wage" to the actors. this is not really a sustainable or reasonable expectation given the amount of work being done, especially when compared to the value that is being given to other aspects of the production process (again, why are the directors getting paid from a bucket that is so much smaller than this one?).

what this seems to be doing is trying to fit a wage mold that isn't really applicable. these are not union actors getting paid industry rates, these are just not those kinds of professional productions. there is something very off about the amount of money being asked here for a project that is not even that large.

but let's move on before I go on an even larger tangent about this side topic.

SOUND DESIGN - 40% - $10,400 ($26k) or $8,320 ($20,800) - $1,625 ($26k) or $1,300 ($20,800)/episode

finally let's address the elephant in the room.

Shelterwood is a project with 1 sound designer. just the one.

Brad Colbroock will be receiving around $10,000 just for this 16-episode project. which is a ridiculous amount.

the claim here is that Brad is worth 27 actors, and 4x the musicians and rest of production team.

oh, but what's this interesting note here at the bottom of this section?

look at that, there is an amount of recognition at the ridiculousness of putting 40% of their budget towards a single sound designer. let's dive into it.

okay, so first of all. this is an extremely unimpressive list of events. I know SEVERAL sound designers who are capable of delivering these specific scenarios in a couple hours each, MAX. if this is meant to show the justification by being the most impressive examples (excluding stuff that would be too spoilery obviously), then I am not very excited for the intensity and weirdness of the show's sound design.

this feels really basic for stuff you are trying to say justifies this high of a price.

I'm serious, this in no way convinces me that his work is going to be worth this much money.

standard sound design rates in audio drama are nowhere near $1,300-1,625 per episode, that is RIDICULOUSLY high. the most I've heard is probably around $500, and that was for an actual play which is significantly more work than your average audio drama episode.

I would like to know how on earth this is a justifiable number.

I would ALSO like to know if "sound design" includes as much as you might think it does.

there are a lot of shows where things like doing the dialogue cut is separated from the sound design aspect. I don't know if that's the case here, but as I'm still struggling to determine what the Producer is going to be in charge of if not the editing, all I can do is try and guess at what tasks are being left on the table.

"sound design" does not necessarily imply all parts of the editing process, and at a price this high that is majorly concerning.

THIS was the reason I decided to do a write-up.

there are a lot of things in this campaign that I think are suspect or just outright bad, but this was the moment that I went "holy fucking shit, these people have completely passed the point of being reasonable in their crowdfunding goals."

I am SO tired of seeing goals placed this high, the only thing it does is take away community funds and resources that could be better spread to a variety of diverse projects.

I'm not saying that Shelterwood doesn't deserve funding and to be made, I AM saying that Shelterwood asking for $26,000 when other campaigns struggle to raise even $2,000 is a big part of the fucking problem with audio drama crowdfunding right now.

this is a form of resource hoarding.

and it's the same people who keep perpetrating and benefitting from it.

I'm just really fucking tired of seeing so many interesting and diverse voices not be given the benefit of the doubt the way that people like this with connections to more established names do. because being friends with people who have a lot of sway DOES make a difference in the long run.

RANT OVER.

before we move on to stretch goals, just a couple small things:

I find it insulting that this team is justifying some of these expenses while still not compensating the writing that Stephen already did. I know I've already brought it up, but having crunched through all those numbers and had to see just how much more they are valuing the sound designer than the person who created the damn thing (which likely included already thought through notes about what the sound design should be), it is a spit in the face of all of the writers in the community. sound designers are very important, yes. but so are the actual minds and writers behind these stories.

Shelterwood is an interesting project because of its concept, NOT because of the promise of the sound design. I would listen to a low budget show with this concept and pitch because it sounds interesting, even if the production quality were barebones. because the actual value is in the story, not the presentation. I think these people have forgotten that.

I would also like to say that as part of a good budget section for a flexible goal campaign, I would expect to see something addressing if there will be changes to the breakdown if that goal is NOT met. before you address stretch goals you really need to talk about this.

now, it IS addressed, but not right here where it should be. it is in the FAQ section (where no one ever looks), so we will be dealing with it there.

I'm not doing a great job at holding back the salt, am I. out of practice forcing professionalism I guess, it's been a bit since I did one of these.

Stretch Goals

I briefly touched on this earlier during the budget section as there was information revealed here that was important for that.

but now let's take a look at it in full and talk about what's left.

Shelterwood has outlined 5 stretch goals:

at $28,000 is promised "off-week micro-sodes with extra scares added to the release schedule". this is an odd one to unpack, but it does reveal a small interesting tidbit in that Shelterwood will not be releasing weekly, most likely every other week. not hugely relevant, just good to know.

what I think IS relevant is that there isn't really a claim to how many of these bonus micro-sodes will be made? the use of the term "off-week" could imply that it is filling every gap in the schedule (i.e. there will be 15 micro-sodes added, one for between each major release and not counting the 6 that would already be out in the world as a side effect of hitting this level of funding).

in conjunction with that, this is only $2k above the fully funded goal, the implication there being that this is enough additional money to cover the cost of what is being promised. which seems pretty impossible at the prices we have been led to believe are needed by the budget section, the math just seem like it would work out to cover that.

at $30,000 the 7th micro-sode is written and released. I would hope that this work includes paying Stephen for their time writing, but the rest of this campaign has made me suspicious that he is not in fact paying himself for that work so I won't hold my breathe on that point. especially since we know that the mini-sodes will require sound design, and that the sound designer is very expensive.

at $32,000 we see "actor payscales increased!"

hm. well that's interesting. there are people involved in this campaign who have been VERY outspoken about how actors should NOT be paid more than sound designers and other parts of production. and yet here we are with a stretch goal that is only going to apply to actors getting paid more?

at $34,000 there is a Shelterwood Album. that's all it says, no clue if that means anything specific as it relates to campaign supporters? might just mean uploaded to Bandcamp for you to purchase if you'd like. to be clear, this isn't a bad stretch goal, I'm just unsure if it's actually going to be something that people get to enjoy "for free" after they've paid enough to the campaign to unlock it.

and finally,

at $35,000 the 8th micro-sode is written and released. I don't have anything to say about that that I didn't say about the $30k stretch goal.

moving on, I promise we're nearly done and all the hard stuff is out of the way now.

Other Ways To Help

always a good thing to have, though to be honest I don't know if it actually ever does anything? I think people are more likely to retweet or reblog a post they see naturally on social media, rather than getting to the bottom of a campaign spiel and deciding to write something up fresh.

giving some examples is a nice touch that makes it much easier, I hope that it is intentionally that they are all somewhat cringey (cringe can be a good thing).

I also this it's really great that there are already crossover episodes lined up with a few other podcasts (though I can't say I'm familiar with any of them apart from Someone Dies In This Elevator, and several seem to be non-audio drama and even nonfiction in aspects, which is an interesting choice for this project?)

I would also like to say that I genuinely LOVE the "more uncanny way to help" section. it is honestly the best part of the campaign and is a model for creative and interesting marketing. I don't know how effective it will be, but this is the kind of fun interesting shit that makes a campaign stand out. it's also a great opportunity for spreading the word if people actually do it. not because I really think people will go to a url on a random flier (I think if you want actual throughput that way you need to add a QR code instead of just the typed web address though, much easier for people to follow through), but because those people will post on social media which will get attention and then you can reblog with some in-universe type response and get free marketing that is engaging.

FAQ

we're done looking at the main bit of the campaign, let's jump over for a look at the FAQ, aka the most frequently ignored part of a campaign.

How long will the show be?

here is the only place that there is mention of the length of the episodes, which gives us a good idea of the full length of the finished product. we are told 40-50 minutes per episode (not including any micro-sodes) so if on average it's going to be 45 minutes each we can math that out to around 12 hours of content. pretty solid amount, I'm not sure why that is buried here though? to me this is important information, I would have expected it to be proudly presented at the top of the campaign when the 16 episodes was first stated.

What makes Shelterwood different from other horror podcasts out there?

honestly this is a good pitch, so good that it shouldn't be hidden away here. move this to your introduction, you want to be sure that people read this when deciding whether to give you money. there are a LOT of horror podcasts, and it's really important to set yourself apart from the get-go. talking about being horror and Gothic in passing isn't going to be enough, you need to really emphasize it.

this is ALSO important in that it is the justification given for the music budget that I was looking for earlier. granted, the necessity of this as being vital to the show will remain to be seen, but "in-universe songs that haunt the whole show" is the kind of thing that would make me more excited to give. highlight that in the main body of the campaign, make a point of clearly calling out why these things are so necessary to the fabric of the show. it helps you stand out and it helps you communicate their importance.

How scary will the show really be?

I honestly don't think this is really a provable thing, people will know if it's scary once they hear it. usually I would lean on the creator's previous work, but we have nothing here to look at for that. so like all things, it will come down to personal taste whether listeners find it scary. hard to quantify something like that, honestly I think the only reason this is here is to try and bolster Stephen Indrisano's experience and why you should trust them to make a good horror show.

the problem being that this isn't being put where we as a prospective backer are introduced to him, but somewhere most will never look.

What happens if the goal isn't reached?

now as I said earlier, I really feel like this should be addressed in the main body of the campaign because most people won't look here.

but here it is, and here we are. so let's talk about what this says:

If we cannot reach our goal, we will have to go back to our budget and start making tough decisions about pay scales, characters, and whether the show can be made at all while still fairly compensating our team. If we cannot raise the funds, there will be large delays in production until we can determine outside funding. We are dedicated to paying our cast and crew what they deserve for high-quality work.

overall, the way this is worded and framed is kind of vague? yes, there's no reason to get into details here about what would need to change, but it feels like a dangling threat that you are meant to fill in with your own worst case scenario "what-ifs". it's also a bit concerning in some aspects, because which pay scales are we talking about here?

while going through the budget earlier, it was very clear what work was valued most of all: the sound designer. now, it's also important to note that he is probably being paid a fixed rate that will be non-negotiable, most sound designers have a per hour rate they give and you don't really haggle that. so I don't believe any of that shortfall would come from his budget.

the next obvious pool is actors, which makes sense given it also calls out whether characters will need to be cut. this is kind of shitty, as all of these people are already promoting this project they got cast in and might get removed from without warning. this is a FLEXIBLE GOAL, so to get cut after putting in time and effort to help get more money means that you just did that labor for free that you would have been compensated for in some way before. just because you aren't paying cast and crew to do promotion doesn't mean that their actual pay isn't in some part FOR that. this is true in any job, if you were organizing a money-making event and then got fired right before it happened, the money that the company made off of the thing you planned is not benefiting you.

I think in a lot of these cases, it's production that takes the brunt of these cutbacks first. these are the people who feel the most investment in making the project happen, and the most willing to undercut themselves to try and make sure it does.

now then. the most egregious part.

we will have to go back to our budget and start making tough decisions about pay scales, characters, and whether the show can be made at all

"whether the show can be made at all".

this is a "flexible goal" campaign. that means that any money they raise is going to be kept by them, whether or not they decide they can actually make the show "at all".

a charitable reading of this would be that in that case they will refund all the donations and not keep any money.

but it's weird not to say it outright because all that does is make you look like someone who will try to get away with keeping the money, even if the project falls apart.

there's also something else I think we should talk about with regards to this:

I think that by creating a flexible goal, you are implicitly saying "we don't think we'll reach the full goal, and we'd still like to get some money if we don't."

if this is the case, then why aren't you creating the initial budget with that in mind?

I think I touched on this in the Arden post, but you should be presenting your "minimum viable product". what this means is that you are stating that for the project to exist it MUST have at least this. and I don't mean in terms of money, I mean in terms of cast and crew and episodes and time that can be given to create the most bare version of the thing that will get to the goal.

that might mean no original music, that might mean fewer side characters, that might mean half as many episodes.

whatever it means, THAT is what you need to be thinking about when you start asking for money. especially if you are already approaching it from the stance of "we will take whatever we can get", you need to know going in what that looks like. it is NOT something to be decide later if you don't hit the goal, it is something that needs to be known upfront and used as the basis for your decision-making.

doing anything else is irresponsible to all parties involved, including those trusting you to put their money to good use.

Campaign Updates

you thought we were done?

so did I god fucking dammit why are we not done yet.

since campaign launch there have been 3 updates.

the first is from about 2 weeks ago, just sharing that the first bonus micro-sode was released with a link and reminder that at every $5k another one will be released.

the second was posted at the end of the first week of crowdfunding (just over a week ago as of right now).

this update actually has something interesting that I pointed out earlier. at this point, the campaign decided to add another reward at the $100 tier and above, a unique page of blackout poetry. which is fine, except that again this is hidden away where most people won't see it, and the actual tiers and body of the campaign need to be updated to reflect this additional perk for it to do any good in convincing supporters to give money at that level. right now it's basically just a hidden easter egg reward.

however this post also alludes to something in the 3rd update. something I fucking hate.

can I just say how much this reminds me of those Instagram "follow and tag 2 of your friends!" contests? I can't be the only one.

but let's actually look at what this is:

We are pleased to announce that, effective immediately, we will be running a referral contest. What does that mean? In a nutshell, we will be offering one of three very special, unique perks to the top three individuals who can gather new pledges through referral links: 1. A walk-on part in the show, to be recorded when production starts 2. A personalised list of horror recommendations from the cast and crew 3. A character named after you, who will die spectacularly in Shetlerwood The rules of our contest are simple: whoever gets first place gets first pick of the rewards. 2nd place gets 2nd pick, and 3rd place gets 3rd pick.

so there is a lot about this that I think is bad, some of which might just come down to personal ethics and what I would be willing to do as part of a fundraiser?

I hope it's at least clear why I find this kind of thing gross and exploitative. in a way you are dangling rewards that are reliant on someone having a relative position of privilege. referrals only count if the person follows through and donates, which means that you need to be friends with people who can afford to do that.

I will say that I am VERY thankful it seems to be based on the number of referrals and not the AMOUNT that is garnered by them, but there is still something very gross feeling about this that I can't shake.

part of it might be that these feel like backer rewards that were withheld for the sake of this contest. like they were going to do this no matter what and they looked at the things they could offer and went "let's hold back these enticing things specifically for that". especially when the actual campaign rewards are really lackluster, to hold these back and have fans compete to try and get them is gross to me.

I fully accept this might just be a "me thing" that I find this to be icky, but none of us are original so at least one other person is going to agree with me. that doesn't make it the right opinion, it just reinforces that it is a valid one.

I don't think that contests are a bad thing, there is just something about a "referral contest" that makes me think of MLMs and other financially exploitative systems.

but now let's talk about the fun part of this update, which is the reveal of the "Haunt-Your-Own-House Micro-Zine".

I am happy to report being right about the quality of this "micro-zine". allow me to draw your attention to the fact that the printed "shingles" are not oriented correctly. you cannot convince me this was a design choice, I'm pretty positive it's just sloppiness.

would just like to point out that this is not a zine of any kind, this is just papercraft. which is fine, but that's a REALLY different thing. I don't want a bit of papercraft taking up space, a small zine that can slip onto a little bookshelf is much more desirable to me.

as an idea, it's not a bad one though. like this is a fun little thing for you to put together and maybe customize, but you should advertise it for what it is, which is NOT a zine of any kind.

but also, the ghost shown in the image is NOT part of it. I thought that was another bit of papercraft when I was writing the image description above, but no apparently it isn't even part of it, they just stuck it in there to make the thing look less boring. if it can't look impressive as the thing you are giving, maybe that's a sign it isn't a good reward.

before we move on from this, they also say the following:

The PDF for these will be sent out to all backers at the $30 level and above within the next 48 hours, so be on the lookout for that!

now I might be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that backers haven't actually given money yet. they can still cancel their pledge, but you are already looking to fulfill the reward?

I can understand this as a marketing move, get the thing in people's hands so they can make it and post on social media to help the campaign gain traction. but you are jumping the gun and if I wanted to I could back, get the PDF, and then fucking bounce now that I have it. just thought I should point that out.

no, I will not be doing that, I don't need this kind of clutter on my desk and I don't even own a working printer.

okay, one last part of this update: "even more bonus audio!"

here we get an acknowledgment that the campaign is not really on track to hit full funding, so they are adjusting their goals in terms of releasing additional content to try and attract more support.

Unfortunately, our funding has been a bit too slow to reach many of those [$5,000 micro-sode] goals... which is why we're lowering the bar and releasing new audio on our YouTube channel every $1000 instead! This will include exclusive micro-interviews with some of our iconic cast and crew about all things horror podcasting, as well as other terrifying glimpses into the world of Shelterwood

can we stop using "micro" as a prefix on everything?

so I am a little confused by the wording here, in the sense that "lowering the bar" is a phrase usually used to talk about a change to something, rather than the addition of new things? so I'm a bit unsure of whether this is going to impact the existing every $5k micro-sode goal, or if this is something entirely separate that is being introduced to try and get more excitement.

I think it's fine either way, I was just a bit confused by the wording and curious if they are considering adjustments to the micro-sode goals to ensure they will get to release all of them (since I think it's pretty clear the first 6 are completely produced and ready to go).

as for the actual content being promised here, it seems fine enough? I'm assuming that they are having to dig into some stuff they were hoping to save for later, and I hope that the "micro-interviews" are at least somewhat substantial enough to justify their existence.

as a note, it's weird that they hyperlinked to the first micro-sode, but not to their YouTube channel where these new things are going to be posted? there's nothing up yet (unless you could some Shorts) so I'm assuming they mean every additional $1k after the update was posted.

that is all for the updates because I am determined to publish this before they can put another one out. I need this to be done, and we are NEARLY there.

please bear with me, the last section is extremely important.

The Catch-All Section

here's just random stuff that I noticed or thought of but didn't have a real place anywhere else:

in the Cast and Crew graphic, why is Karim Kronfli the only person who's name is at the bottom of the image rather than the top? just a weirdly random inconsistency that bothers the perfectionist in me

please more images and pictures, they don't need to be much (especially since as I stated before we unfortunately don't have any kind of alt text feature for campaigns to utilize) but they keep people from getting bored staring at a massive wall of unbroken text

there were more than a few typos across the campaign (the show's name on one occassion). it's a good idea to put all your text in a word processor first to catch these things, you just aren't going to see it yourself the 5th time you are re-reading the campaign before publishing. let a computer check your work.

it would be nice generally to see more creativity when it comes to rewards. things don't have to be expensive or extravagant to be interesting, even at lower tiers. think about the world you are creating, think about what works within it. as an example, the WOE.BEGONE patreon has a tier at which the creator writes in-character postcards to patrons that when put together reveal a larger story (this is an example of something that I find really creative and like. I know it's not a crowdfunding campaign but whenever I think about rewarding listeners for their support I think about this). and he does this every month. that is an incredibly clever use of the world that show has built and connecting the fans to it in a unique way. you only have to figure out something like that once for your campaign, I believe in you.

Conclusion and a Larger Conversation

so why am I once again talking about a high profile campaign that is asking for a lot of money?

I think there needs to be a recognition of the importance of the context surrounding when you launch a campaign as well. because the financial situation right now is very different from the financial situation a year ago is very different from the financial situation of 2019.

as an example, let's look at the Afflicted Season 2 crowdfunding campaign that just ended in failure.

this was a FIXED GOAL campaign. they were asking for $23,500 USD and they only made it to $13,283, just over 50% of the way there. so they got none of it. it was all or nothing and the result this time was nothing.

and that really sucks for a lot of reasons.

I had some criticisms about that campaign that I kept to myself at the time, in part because diverse voices in audio drama is really important. Afflicted provided a lot of opportunities for marginalized creators to get established and share their unique voices. so often the campaigns that are getting met are the ones that continue to prop up the same types of voices and experiences as we've all heard before.

I am much more interested in the unique horror that a show like Afflicted is bringing to the table as a production driven by a Black woman than I am with hearing from the same types of voices we are used to. we have a lot of similar people making stuff in the community, and frankly a lot of our "diversity" is mostly driven by being white and queer. these voices are important too and there's a lot that is good, but that is the majority in this space. that's why we need to make sure we are getting opportunities to the people who don't have the privilege or connections.

this is a personal opinion, not one everyone will agree with. but we are better as a community when we do extra work to make sure that more varied diversity is highlighted and supported.

Afflicted planted their foot saying "this much or nothing" and took the gamble that most of these high number campaigns are unwilling to do. a gamble that they succeeded in last year to fund the first season.

the difference is partly that the economy looked really different last year. disposable income, rent prices, general cost of living. it wasn't great, but it was better than it is now and that MATTERS. we all know how fucking bad it is right now, especially in the US, so to be asking these massive amounts of money is tone deaf. in this case, Afflicted was even asking for MORE than they raised for season 1. you could argue some of that is because they already managed to prove themselves as creators who were good for the money and deserved that kind of chance.

but the fact of the matter is that people just don't have that kind of cash to give over and over.

which leads into my main point.

every time I see a campaign with this high of a goal I think one thing:

"this is hurting the community."

now, that may not sound reasonable to some of you, especially if you are one of the people who believes that numbers this high are justifiable.

when we talk about supporting each other from a audio drama creator standpoint, it is done so freely and with an understanding that new listeners isn't really a thing we're going to run out of. if I recommend 10 podcasts I like, that doesn't hurt MY show. it just helps the community by sharing things we generally enjoy and care about it. this is how you end up with the networks of support that we've seen in newer places like the Audio Drama Lab.

unfortunately, money is not the same.

the amount of money that each of us has to give to support the things we like is limited based on our individual situations. anyone recommending a specific crowdfunding campaign to give money to DOES have an impact on the amount of money left in the pool for others.

so when something like Shelterwood or Arden or Afflicted or Among the Stacks or The Magnus fucking Protocol asks for these amounts, this is ACTIVELY impacting whether other campaigns will succeed.

while The Magnus Protocol raised over £700,000 (or about $940,000 USD), DOZENS (probably more) of smaller projects were struggling to get less than half a percent of that.

that was money that could have done a lot more community good than supporting a blatant RQ cash grab.

we're looking at a different scale here, obviously. I do not think that the absolutely disgusting amount raised for one of the most beloved audio drama's sequels is directly comparable to what these campaigns are asking.

but it certainly did help them when trying to legitimize those numbers.

$26,000 is a LOT of money.

there are a lot of people who would be able to change their lives on even just 20% of that, be able to create new and interesting things if given just a little bit of support. and most of them are not asking for much.

but repeatedly having these large projects that position themselves as more worthy and better is hurting us all.

I think we also need to talk about what it means to pay "fair wages"? because a lot of people don't even make that at their day jobs. a "fair wage" is a capitalist idea that most don't benefit from, and it isn't necessarily applicable to every industry.

most voice actors do not get by doing projects they care about, they get by doing commercials and audio books and training videos for random corporations. because a "fair wage" in voice acting is not necessarily a set thing where hours and effort given always corresponds to money received.

all creative industries have trouble supporting that, this is a capitalism problem that you are trying to fix with more capitalism. you can't force the concept of "fair wages" into a space that monetarily cannot support it.

because what you are doing is creating an ecosystem where only YOUR cast and crew will get fair wages for their work. everyone else will have to do the compromise for YOUR sake.

there's that phrase, "a rising tide lifts all boats". I think people cling to this when they see these kinds of things, especially when they are successful. "isn't that good for all of us? doesn't that mean everyone will get more?"

again, no. money is a resource that is limited (for us as non-rich oligarchs).

the "rising tide" is not the ocean that freely gives and takes water in cycles. where we actually are is a dam, where water levels are carefully controlled and directed and distributed during times of drought. campaigns like this are part of that, they direct the water towards the richer and more privileged neighborhoods, the people who already have connections and opportunities.

there is less water left for everyone else.

THAT is what these campaigns do, THAT is why it is important to really assess what is necessary.

I don't think think that people shouldn't be able to make a living off of what they love, but I think that there are exploitative ways to do it and non-exploitative ways. these campaigns are exploitation in a way. crowdfunding in theory shouldn't be that, but it becomes that. especially when you start to enter the territory of these numbers, both in what is being asked for and what tiers are being presented as "normal and reasonable amounts for a single person to be giving".

we need to fucking stop this before we let these kinds of campaigns empty the dam completely.

that's it. that's all I have to say on this.

this is a conversation, one that I want us to have. I am tired of watching people who are already privileged continue to hoard the resources.

we can do better.

anyway, I think this campaign is a product of a larger issue. it is NOT "the problem", but it is a symptom of it. one that you are making a statement about in deciding to give or withhold money. it's not in my hands, it's in yours.

just keep what I said in mind, and maybe search the terms "audio drama" on whatever crowdfunder you like best.

take note of all the other projects you see, projects that have promise and talent and don't have connections that make them feel like they deserve to take half the pie home.

[feuqueerfire]

2023 Anticipated BL/GL/Queer Shows

2022 Anticipated BLs & GLs || Thai BL/GL Filming Schedules

2024 Anticipated Series & Movies

Shows released in 2023 I'm anticipating: Released, Releasing, To Be Released (with/without release dates)

Show

Country:

Release Dates:

Watch Via: platform link (free/paid)

Status: 👀 To Watch || ⏸️ Currently Watching ||  ✅ Watched || ❌ Dropped

Watch Dates: Month x - y, 2023 (#)

Rating: /10

Initial Impression:

Overall Impression: 

tags:

Also Appears In: [Live Blogging, AO3 link], (Month) 2023 Wrap-Up

Released

These are shows that have ended in 2023 that I’m interested in - ordered by their end date. Note: If it finishes in 2023, it’s a 2023 show for me.

Watched:

The Director Who Buys Me Dinner

Country: South Korea

Release Dates: Dec 15, 2022 - Jan 12, 2023

Watch Via: iQiyi (free)

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Jan 18 - 19, 2023 (#3)

Rating: 5.5/10

Initial Impression: kBL same production as Blueming (KENAZ) and it has reincarnation and curses or something? I saw a few clips on twitter about the first ep and it seems hilarious, hope it’s great bc it’s one of the few kBLs I’m acc looking forward to because of the plot and not just for Korean practice. || After ending, people have been criticizing the ending and also for its messy plot in such a short time but I’m still curious about it so I’ll give it a try (esp cuz so many of the kBLs lately have apparently been meh that I needa add this to the watchlist or else I’ll hardly get any practice done)

Overall Impression: I feel like this should be higher just because it’s got a cool concept and the cinematography’s good but I felt like maybe 1 emotion during this whole show (the hug in the car), which sucks. The writing in the show sucked, both in terms of relationship development (there was none. why were they from A to Z without B C...) and the fantasy/lore aspects. In a better show, Dongbaek’s dying wish to be the one who remembers next time coming true would be a punch to the gut but here, I don’t gaf

tags: the director who buys me dinner

Also Appears In: January 2023 Wrap-Up

The New Employee - DROPPED

Country: South Korea

Release Dates: Dec 21, 2022 - Feb 1, 2023

Watch Via: Viki (free)

Status: ❌ Dropped

Watch Dates: Mar 27 - 28, 2023 (#8)

Rating: --/10

Initial Impression: I knew hardly anything about this but people have been loving this, esp how queer it apparently is, so I’m excited. hopefully we’ll get another really great kBL from start to finish, I think only Choco Milk Shake was thoroughly well-liked by the masses in recent months

Overall Impression: sad that I've watched worse kBLs but since I had some expectations while going into this, it's more disappointing. I don’t really care for boss/employee romances in general and i think the fact that it’s positioned as wholesome/cute here so far isn’t working for me. if you’re gonna have the boss kiss the intern out of the blue while said intern is drunk, it needs to be framed in more of a rancid way for it to still be fun; dabble more with the weird power dynamics & lean into the bad vibes lol

tags: the new employee

Also Appears In: The New Employee Live Blogging, March 2023 Wrap-Up 

I Will Knock You 

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Nov 18, 2022 - Feb 3, 2023

Watch Via: Viki (free)

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: May 5 - 31, 2024 (#39)

Rating: 6/10

Initial: this hasn’t started airing yet but I watched the trailer (lol even I do that sometimes) bc I caught a glimpse of it on twitter and honestly it seems good and fun! i like it when the seme/pursuer is younger and also like when one or both of the characters is just rancid and i think it could be interesting and engaging to watch the troublemaker grow and change. also the cinematography or something just looks appealing

Overall: Noey is such a unique character, it was a pleasure to see him on screen. I really like the familial dynamics between Noey, Nid Nhoi, and Auntie Tim/their mother. It was fun and they were always teasing each other but obviously there was love and concern beneath it. And the gang was great too, how they obeyed Noey and were a bunch of goofballs but obviously the fighting was less than ideal. The romance itself was fine, quite dragged out before they even realize their feelings, but I did often have a smile on my face while watching the eps. Great cinematography and colouring and motifs.

tags: i will knock you

Also Appears In: I Will Knock You Live Blogging, May 2024 Wrap-Up

Candy Color Paradox

Country: Japan

Release Dates: Dec 16, 2022 - Feb 10, 2023

Watch Via: Viki (free)

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: May 11 - 16, 2023 (#13)

Rating: 5.5/10

Initial Impression: I like the concept that they’re reporters and people seem to like the ending.

Overall Impression: Boring, overall. Which is sad because I was looking forward to watching paparazzi/reporters/glorified stalkers in a BL, since it’s a pretty unique synopsis. It started off cute enough but didn’t keep me engaged.

Live Blogging: May 2023 Wrap-Up 

My School President

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Dec 2, 2022 - Feb 24, 2023

Watch Via: GMMTV (free)

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Feb 18 - 24, 2023 (#4)

Rating: 7 7.5/10 [April 4, 2023 Edit: The characters continue to give me brainrot, as well as actors, so +0.5]

Initial Impression: initially wasn’t interested in this one because everybody kept calling it a boring regular high school romance, watched the mock trailer around August 2022 and was like omg the trope of making the person you like run errands for you? (ex. True Beauty, We Best Love) + I tend to enjoy simply school shows. Then the actual show came out and everyone’s loving it 3 eps in, so that’s fun for sure.

Overall Impression: I really liked it, especially for what it was: a cute, endearing high school BL with really endearing leads and good acting and sometimes turning tropes on their head. I didn't love it or obsess over it the way some people seemed to but it was enjoyable nonetheless. I also loved so many of their faces lol Fourth and Prom my favourite beautiful faces but Gemini and Satang are beautiful too, not to mention Gun's mother whew! This made me giddy and the OSTs are great and there's clear effort from the cast and crew. I liked the dynamic between the characters, whether it be how Gun and Tinn took turns being bold and shy or the parent-child relationships or Chinzhilla band.

tags: my school president, geminifourth

Also Appears In: My School President Live Blogging, February 2023 Wrap-Up

The Warp Effect 

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Dec 12, 2022 - Feb 27, 2023

Watch Via: GMMTV Youtube

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Apr 20 - 26, 2024 (#36)

Rating: 7/10

Initial Impression: there’s a lesbian character. she says the line “trust me. i’m a lesbian.” more than enough reason to watch it. That was my reason for wanting to watch it soon after discovering the OG trailer but recently, I’m excited to see Fah, the show has glowing reviews from the people watching it, and I’m very interested in the sex-related conversations they’re having

Overall Impression: A unique and enjoyable show, it was so fun to see all these characters in their specific situations and how they deal with them. The characters were all compelling, it's wild how I was into all their storylines. how charming each character/their story was, and how the story juggled them. It also made me see a bunch of actors in new lights, New most of all, as they acted in a role outside of their usual wheelhouse. I think the most frustrating part for me was how it seemed like although they were getting at it, they never quite acknowledged that what Alex did to Jean that night was rape. It made me quite angry actually, especially how Alex's actions didn't feel like it actually took Jean's feelings and trauma and requests into account. I was at least glad that in that timeline, Jean doesn't get back with Alex.

It’s in this section of the post because despite Alex being het, this show is just... queer.

tags: the warp effect

Also Appears In: The Warp Effect Live Blogging, April 2024 Wrap-Up

Never Let Me Go

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Dec 13, 2022 - Feb 28, 2023

Watch Via: Youtube (free)

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Jan 1 - Feb 28, 2023 (#1)

Rating: 6.5/10

Initial Impression: I’m really looking forward to this. why? i don’t know. i guess i developed some sort of attachment to morkpi in FUTS even though I was mostly ambivalent about their relationship? also, i’m curious to watch something directed by p’jojo

Overall Impression: I actually don't care about the plot of this show that much because I was mostly there for the characters and character relationships but it didn't give me what I wanted. I don't like Ben/Chopper and Nueng/Palm felt meh toward the end and also didn't give me what I wanted really. My big problem with this show which is that nothing feels like it gets enough emotion or gravity and instead it's either fixed quickly or we move on quickly. Anyway, idk. I liked the first 2/3 of the series even though it wasn't A Fave but it had some great moments and lots of potentials to me, so that’s why it’s +.5 more than 6. I stopped caring about the characters while watching these last 4 and these last 2 episodes were just so... agh. I just care about Chopper atp and want better for him. This was one of my most anticipated shows of 2022 (which is why I started watching it weekly), so it's sad that it turned out this way.

tags: never let me go

Also Appears In: Never Let Me Go Ep 1 - 4, Ep 5, Ep 6, Ep 7,  Ep 8 Live Blogging, January 2023 Wrap-Up, Ep 9 - 12 Live Blogging, February 2023 Wrap-Up

Utsukushii Kare Season 2

Country: South Korea

Release Dates: Feb 8, 2023 - Mar 1, 2023

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Via: Viki

Watch Dates: Apr 18 - 19, 2024 (#34)

Rating: 7/10

Initial Impression: My beloveds! Hope it’s enough to tide me over until the movie is accessible. 

Overall Impression: This season is about Hira and Kiyoi's relationship. They didn't become boring after getting together, they didn't magically end up being a perfect happy well-adjusted couple after getting together, nor were there random issues thrown just because; the struggles and hurdles are true to their characters and dynamics. I liked the themes and dynamics it explored and their character + relationship development and progression. I also smiled a lot and lost my mind a little at certain moments. Strong writing, strong characters, strong acting, what a relief.

tags: utsukushii kare

Also Appears In: Utsukushii Kare (S1, S2, Movie) Live Blogging, April 2024 Wrap-Up

Moonlight Chicken

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Feb 8, 2023 - Mar 2, 2023

Watch Via: Youtube (free)

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Mar 1 - 6, 2023 (#5)

Rating: 7/10

Initial Impression: Moonlight Chicken: I don't like reading or watching stories about cheating but this one looks so good :0 Also, suchhh a good cast like EarthMix, FourthGemini couples and also Khao and First like I’m expecting great acting and storytelling

Overall Impression: It's a good one! High quality with good acting and interesting storylines that are unique in BL. It didn't hit me as hard as it seemed to hit some other people though and I'm not thinking about it much at all since finishing. I think Jim/Wen's relationship was one of the weakest aspects of the show to me because I didn't care nor did I really feel anything and it might’ve been more interesting if it actually involved cheating. I loved Heart and Li Ming, I enjoyed getting to see Jim grow and also how his relationship with Li Ming changed, I liked getting to see Wen and Alan's flashbacks and to present tense relationship, I like Gaipa showing up once in a while to be bright, I thought Gaipa and Leng's interactions were funny, I loved Li Ming as a character so much, I wished to be him so badly.

tags: moonlight chicken

Also Appears In: Moonlight Chicken Live Blogging, March 2023 Wrap-Up

A Shoulder to Cry On

Country: South Korea

Release Dates: Mar 15, 2023 - Mar 29, 2023

Watch Via: Viki

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Mar 28 - 29, 2023 (#9)

Rating: 6.5/10

Initial Impression: Watched the leaked trailer from February and it seems actually angsty and enemies to lovers and I’m very curious about that

Overall Impression: I really liked the first 5 episodes when there was so much contempt but Taehyun couldn't stop himself from terrorizing or goading Da Yeol and Da Yeol couldn't stop noticing how beautiful Taehyun was, and then the friendship that bloomed in that but still with an edge. I didn't quite get the reason for separation in episode 6 and think the last episode was cutesy but out-of-character sort of. Still, overall a pretty good one; reminds me of a mix of Blueming and Utsukushii Kare. I was giddy so many times while watching this, especially the first half and was clutching my head and curling my toes despite it not being romantic, just full of tension.

tags: a shoulder to cry on

Also Appears In: A Shoulder To Cry On Live Blogging, March 2023 Wrap-Up

Our Dating Sim

Country: South Korea

Release Dates: Mar 9, 2023 - Mar 30, 2023

Watch Via: Viki (free)

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Oct 19 - 20, 2023 (#20)

Rating: 6.5/10

Initial Impression: People seem to have really liked this, on both MDL and Reddit both, so I’m looking forward to it

Overall Impression: The pacing of this was so good, they managed to give everything needed and timed it well within 2 hours. Well written, well acted, well planned, well shot, nice. I liked and understood the main characters and even the side characters had distinct personalities despite not being fully fledged. I loved how Gi Tae and Wan were so playful with each other, whether it be with the teasing they did and playing hard to get but also the easy affection they often had whether it be kisses, pecks, tickles, hugs, hand holding, just regular romantic touching - a good balance between being strangely chaste and very raunchy. Was cute and I’m glad this is the show that I watched after not watching anything for a while but I won't think about them again, probably.

tags: our dating sim

Live Blogging: Our Dating Sim Live Blogging, July - November 2023 Wrap-Up 

My Beautiful Man: Eternal 

Country: South Korea

Release Dates: Apr 7, 2023

Watch Via: Viki

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Apr 19, 2024 (#35)

Rating: 6.5/10

Initial Impression: Need this so bad, the photos from the shooting are killing me

Overall Impression: Great, fun, though not as emotionally invested as Season 2 because they're in a better place in their relationship in this movie (even if it's not necessarily Perfect). It was interesting to have new people in their lives like Anna and Noguchi and how their stories influenced them. I'm happy with where we're leaving off the characters after ~6h of show/movie but lowest rating so far because it felt like we spent too much time on stuff like Anna’s story or the random kidnapping.

tags: utsukushii kare

Also Appears In: Utsukushii Kare (S1, S2, Movie) Live Blogging, April 2024 Wrap-Up

Destiny Seeker

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Feb 14, 2023 - Apr 11, 2023

Watch Via: :>

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Mar 23 - 26, 2024 (#31)

Rating: 5.5/10

Overall Impression: Not very good, it's kinda non-sensical and has terrible subs and I watched it all on 1.25x speed. However, I was deeply craving a typical university Thai BL and it gave me that with engineer students and enemies to lovers. Sonkhgram and Ai were pretty cute and their pretend enemies while both likes the other for years was endearing ig? The freshmen Pluster and Nano were also really good toward the middle-end, the little gossips and schemers. Meen and Bright were meh, it could've been more compelling. All in all, a mediocre show to watch if wanting something really tropey that requires 0 thought.

Also Appears In: Destiny Seeker Live Blogging, March 2024 Movies/Shows Wrap-Up

Bed Friend

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Feb 18, 2023 - Apr 22, 2023

Watch Via: uncut on iQiyi, so :>

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Apr 29 - May 2, 2023 (#12)

Rating: 6/10

Initial Impression: bc it seems interesting and I’m enjoying NetJames in Catch Me Baby side BL. omg after the teaser trailer, alksdfj I need it so bad; a Most Anticipated show.

Overall Impression: It was good and cute but still somewhat nonsensical and I don't know how to feel about the mountains of trauma. Beautiful Net and James, the acting's not bad, the editing is bad though. They were cute, which is the most important thing I guess.

tags: bed friend

Live Blogging: Bed Friend Live Blogging, May 2023 Wrap-Up

The Eighth Sense

Country: South Korea

Release Dates: Mar 29, 2023 - Apr 26, 2023

Watch Via: Viki (paid, so :>)

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: June 20 - 22, 2023 (#16)

Rating: 6.5/10

Initial Impression: long episodes and everybody’s been loving it and feeling every emotion under the sun for it

Overall Impression: It was interesting and I think the show had a good grasp on characters and relationship dynamics and progression. I liked that there were friendships each character had and that they existed outside of just this relationship; even some of the friends existed outside of just being a friend, like Yonnwon was a whole human. The female friends were great, Yoonwon is a treasure and I liked how Aeri was so sweet but so mean sometimes, a very clever city girl type. Also, the tension and cute moments between Jihyun and Jaewon (esp in ep 6 and 10) were great. I think it's a good show that's done well but right now, it's not taking up much brain space and it also didn't make me viscerally feel anything.

tags: the eighth sense

Live Blogging: The Eighth Sense Live Blogging, June 2023 Wrap-Up

Our Skyy 2

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Apr 19, 2023 - June 8, 2023

Watch Via: GMMTV YT (free)

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Apr 22 - June 8, 2023 (#14)

Rating: 6/10 [based on (6.5 + 5.5 + 6 + 5.5 + 6.5 + 6.5 + 6.5)/7]

Initial Impression: One of my most anticipated out of GMMTV 2023 and MSP, BBS, Eclipse are my top 3 anticipated episodes.

Overall Impression: In the end, some were good, some were meh, some I was disappointed by but oh well. It was still fairly fun and I liked watching it weekly since I get a new story every week. NLMG = MSP = BBSxATOTS > Eclipse > SIMM = Vice Versa

tags: our skyy 2, each show’s tag

Also Appears In: Our Skyy 2 Live Blogging, April 2023 Wrap-Up, May 2023 Wrap-Up, June 2023 Wrap-Up

Love Tractor

Country: South Korea

Release Dates: Jun 7, 2023 - Jun 21, 2023

Watch Via: iQiyi (paid, so :>)

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Aug 4 - 5, 2023 (#17)

Rating: 6/10

Initial Impression: Think the announcement for this happened like mid-last year or something and I’ve been curious about it since then, hope it’s great.

Overall Impression: Ah, the dynamic is so delicious. Older, colder, richer, more jaded Seoul city man and younger, cheery, puppy-like new adult. Also, ummm I liked how much Yul scolded Yechan, ah + that one time Yechan apologized by kneeling. Yechan is cute, esp his antics after the sexy dream he had about Yul, but I do think he's a bit too childish sometimes, so that's meh. Overall enjoyable but I didn't super connect with the story or the characters and likely won't be thinking about them again.

Also Appears In: July - November 2023 Wrap-Up

Sing My Crush

Country: South Korea

Release Dates: Aug 2, 2023

Watch Via: iQiyi (paid, so :>)

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Nov 18, 2023 (#21)

Rating: 4.5/10

Initial Impression: just found out about its existence (apparently it came out all together on Aug 2) and saw ppl say this was another good kBL this year, hopefully it’ll be good

Overall Impression: It was... fine I guess, the plagiarism subplot had me invested because it was so frustrating (as it was meant to be) but I really didn’t care about the main couple. Their relationship and interactions did nothing for me. Also I’m shallow so either they needed to have more chemistry or needed to be more attractive to my tastes for me to enjoy watching it rip. I literally skimmed so much of Ep 4 - 7, especially skipped over the main couple interactions and watched to see the plagiarism issue get resolved.

Also Appears In: July - November 2023 Wrap-Up

Be My Favorite

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: May 26, 2023 - Aug 11, 2023

Watch Via: Youtube (free)

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Nov 23 - 30, 2023 (#22)

Rating: 5.5/10

Initial Impression: listen i know people are like krist homophobe which fair enough ig but i’m still curious from the trailer and i’ll probably give it a try || Once it’s started being released, people seem to be enjoying these beginning episodes, so I hope it’s really good all the way through.

Overall Impression: It is such a tragedy that despite looking forward to this show for so long and enjoying some aspects and moments, ultimately, it fell flat for me. I feel like a lot of this show was objectively done well like the character arcs and acting and stuff but I'm not attached to any of it. The romance didn't make me feel giddy even though I really wish it had like it's strange that I didn't care at all about all those cute moments Kawi and Pisaeng had or the established relationship montages when usually they're some of my favourite aspects of a BL. agh whatever ig at least the show didn't treat Pear terribly.

tags: be my favorite

Also Appears In: Be My Favorite Live Blogging, July - November 2023 Wrap-Up

Stay With Me

Country: China

Release Dates: Jul 7, 2023 - Aug 12, 2023

Watch Via: Viki (paid, so :>)

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Aug 11 - 14, 2023 (#19)

Rating: 6.5/10

Initial Impression: I skimmed the latter half of Addicted in August 2023 and it was very unhinged and didn’t quite hold up but I understood why people were fucking obsessed with 2016 lol Looking forward to seeing a 2023 bromance version + my beloved angsty high school trope is good always

Overall Impression:  Well, this is really as close as BL you can get without saying out loud that they are dating but there are innuendos galore and it's pretty clear (there was lube on their bed, like...). The family aspect was the best, I love that we got to see Su Yu's situation so much and his blended family and the way they were always there together. You can understand why Wu Bi prefers the warmth of their home over the coldness of his, though we got to see progress on that end too. Duoduo sooo cute, little munchkin. The ending is... an ending, that's for sure. Hope we get a season 2 next year but who knows.

tags: stay with me

Also Appears In: Stay With Me Live Blogging, July - November 2023 Wrap-Up

Bottoms

Country: USA

Release Dates: Sept 1, 2023  

Watch Via: :>

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Jan 1, 2024 (#23)

Rating: 7.5/10

Overall Impression: First movie of the year! Very, very funny and wacky, thoroughly enjoyed it. Hazel is sooo attractive lol, as is Isabel. Loved Josie being a sweetheart and reluctant to go along with antics except then going in wayyy too hard with the juvie stories lol. PJ was insufferable but like in a good way? like yesss, high school girl who says things before thinking and is an asshole! Also lesbian movies where they kill men is always fun, this time it being an actual funny comedic part. The whole movie was ridiculous and I'm glad.

tags: bottoms

Also Appears In: January 2024 Movies/Shows Wrap-Up

Laws of Attraction 

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Jul 15, 2023 - Sep 2, 2023

Watch Via: paid, so :>

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Feb 3 - 6, 2024 (#28)

Rating: 6/10

Initial Impression: JamFilm new BL! Seems like it’ll have some sort of lawyer or justice type storyline, which is interesting. I’m really looking forward to it

Overall Impression: I really liked To Sir, With Love which was a lakorn and so was different than every other BL I've watched and was hoping I'd similarly love this one, which is also bringing something unique to the BL table. It started off really well for me, I thought Charn was such a fun (morally corrupt) character and was intrigued about what was going on. I liked the lesbians Maya and Rose as well ofc. However, I think toward ep 7 and 8, it kinda became very meh for me (that warehouse live stream scene not counting) because the mystery was too predictable/boring and thus had no tension, people kept making incredibly stupid decisions, and I wasn't attached to the characters enough to care/be emotional about all the wedding stuff. Nawin was a great addition in ep 7 though, so unexpected and fun. Unfortunate that the meh impression ended up being the last ones since that sticks with me more than liking it in the earlier eps.

tags: laws of attraction

Also Appears In: Laws of Attraction Live Blogging, February 2024 Movies/Shows Wrap-Up

Love Class Season 2 

Country: South Korea

Release Dates:  Aug 11, 2023 - Sep 8, 2023

Watch Via: Viki (paid, so :>)

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Jan 26 - 27, 2024 (#26)

Rating: 6/10

Overall Impression: I liked the main couple: a younger, insistent pursuer to an older, reluctant hyung who was also his tutor when the younger was in high school. I do wish the random stalker, weird hyung wasn't haunting them for so long though because the premise of this couple is so good. I came around to the second and third couple even though if the show was longer or deeper, I might not have. I was bored by the last 2 eps though, so ehhh

tags: love class 2

Also Appears In: Love Class 2 Live Blogging, January 2024 Movies/Shows Wrap-Up

Bon Appetit

Country: South Korea

Release Dates: Sep 27, 2023

Watch Via: :>

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Jan 13 - 14, 2024 (#24)

Rating: -/10

Initial Impression: Originally didn't have this on my list because it has a meh MDL rating but this tiktok of guy 1 liking girl liking guy 2 like guy 1 is fun

Overall Impression: Started watching because the guy1 likes girl likes guy2 likes guy1 tiktok was funny but not high hopes for the actual show. Skimmed through this so hard, honestly shouldn't have even watched it because it didn't seem too good from my skimming. The main two characters were cute-ish in the first half of the show and the Yoon Seobin surprise cameo for 2 minutes was fun, but meh otherwise. Skimmed even the main couple scenes in the last 2 eps because random fighting and misunderstandings. Not rating it because I skimmed through like 60% of it lmfao

Also Appears In: January 2024 Movies/Shows Wrap-Up

My Personal Weatherman

Country: Japan

Release Dates: Aug 11, 2023 - Oct 13, 2023

Watch Via: Viki (free)

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Mar 20 - 22, 2024 (#30)

Rating: 6/10 [May 12, 2024 Update: Decreased by 0.5 stars when rerating shows I've watched in 2024: 6.5 -> 6]

Overall Impression: The concept is so delicious (messy dubcon d/s overtones and stilted emotions) and the execution is mostly good but I wish it was more fleshed out (never really saw a proper resolution to Yoh being mad that Mizuki doesn't take his manga job seriously and idk if they actually fully worked out their problems in the last ep lol). It was a very fun and exciting watch.

tags: my personal weatherman

Also Appears In: My Personal Weatherman Live Blogging, March 2024 Movies/Shows Wrap-Up

Only Friends 

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Aug 12, 2023 - Oct 28, 2023

Watch Via: Youtube (free)

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: May 7 - 12, 2024 (#37)

Rating: 6/10

Initial Impression: Insanity based on the mock trailer.

Overall: I'm just glad that I binged this by watching 2-3 eps a day for a week instead of watching for 3 months to arrive at that ending. Great first half of the show IMO (~6 eps), then there's a weird narrative shift there somewhere, then the last 1/4 of the show was dragging and then the last episode was boring and upsetting. SandRay and TopMew feel weirdly happy, artificially happy while Boston is the only character who is left to rot by his friends and Nick. I didn't need a happy ending for Boston/Nick but Boston's storyline felt... cruel and since the only character who wasn't monogamous got a bad ending and had all his faults amplified (while the others just had their faults or mistakes forgiven or never even apologized for them), it felt pointed at Boston's promiscuity.

tags: only friends

Also Appears In: Only Friends Live Blogging, May 2024 Wrap-Up

Kiseki: Dear to Me

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Aug 22, 2023 - Nov 7, 2023

Watch Via: Viki (free)

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: May 14 - 17, 2024 (#38)

Rating: 6/10

Initial Impression: I've seen it mentioned sooo many times that I thought I'd give it a try.

Overall: The thing with these crime/mafia BLs is that often they literally have no plot and this show doesn't even bother establishing anything, what even is going on? something with Zhang Teng... but the gangs and the families and the crimes are all so vague and out of sight, it's mostly just about the relationships against the backdrop. However, I really enjoyed the characters and the couples, specifically Zongyi/Ruei in the first half and Ai Di/Chen Yi in the second half. The couples also have some fun tropes that I like (age gap with the younger guy being overly eager, the ChenAi dynamic esp the part where they both manhandle each other so much) and Ai Di is a menace, which is always enjoyable. Is it enough for me to overlook how the show introduces a criminal and crime-life element but does not explain or expand on it? I don't necessarily think so, and thus the meh rating, but honestly, if I'm plagued by the couples or feel the need to rewatch certain parts, I'll increase the rating.

tags: kiseki: dear to me

Also Appears In: Kiseki: Dear To Me Live Blogging, May 2024 Wrap-Up

A Breeze of Love

Country: South Korea

Release Dates: Nov 10, 2023

Watch Via: iQiyi (so, ;>)

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Mar 28, 2024 (#32)

Rating: 5.5/10

Overall Impression: The concept is somewhat similar to Our Dating Sim, having a friendship/situationship in middle school, one character disappearing, but then meeting again a few years later. Nothing about this was egregious of anything but it just felt like Dongwook had treated Dohyun terribly and was also being way too presumptuous in the current timeline, so it didn't fully work for me. I just wanted Dohyun to beat Dongwook up lol

Also Appears In: A Breeze of Love Live Blogging, March 2024 Movies/Shows Wrap-Up

Ranking of Watched: 28

My School President = Bottoms

Moonlight Chicken = Utsukushii Kare S2 = The Warp Effect

Never Let Me Go = A Shoulder To Cry On = The Eighth Sense  = Stay With Me = Our Dating Sim

Our Skyy 2 = Love Tractor = Bed Friend = Love Class 2 = Laws of Attraction = My Personal Weatherman =  Utsukushii Kare: Eternal = Only Friends = Kiseki: Dear To Me = I Will Knock You

The Director Who Buys Me Dinner = Candy Color Paradox = Be My Favorite = Destiny Seeker = A Breeze of Love

Sing My Crush

Dropped: The New Employee

Skimmed: Bon Appetit

Watched in 2023: 15 (until #22)

Watched in 2024: 13

To Watch:

GAP (Thai - Feb 11): First high profile GL, should probably watch it, feeling especially inspired about 23.5. I'd heard mixed reviews while it was airing but feels like the general sentiment is still positive, even if people think that it's a messy/dramatic show lol. I’d actually removed it from my watchlist (see below) but it’s back lol

Rookie (Php - Aug 4): GL, a Phillipino lesbian movie, saw this tiktok and wanted to give it a try

I Feel You Linger in the Air (Thai - Nov 3): everybody loves it, i just missed the timing for when this was airing and so hadn't added it to the watchlist. I did listen to podcasts and didn't skip when they were discussing this one because I thought I wouldn't watch it, so I'm quite spoiled on the plot lol

Lucky My Love (Thai - Nov 25): GL, wanna watch it cuz it's a GL but unfortunately people don't seem too keen on it :/ oh well, I'll keep it on hand for when I'm craving a GL

Releasing

These are shows that are currently releasing in 2023 that I’m interested in - ordered by their end date. Tracking both currently watching and to be watched

Currently Watching

None

To Watch

Pit Babe, Last Twilight, The Sign, Dead Friend Forever but these are all ending in 2024

To Be Released

These are shows that have are planned for a 2023 release, may or may not have release dates (and some might get moved to 2024 lol)

From 2022 - these are rolled over from plans of being released in 2022

MeMindY: Just Say Yes, Past Love In The Future - Cautiously curious about these and I hope these are still happening since it’s rolled forward from 2022. I wanna check them out because they’re from Don’t Say No characters but also I’ll probably check out most MMY shows just to see where I land

Planned for 2023 - these were announced with the plans for 2023 release

2023 GMMTV Shows: Only Friends, Our Skyy 2, 23.5 (GL) are my 3 most anticipated. Will likely watch Last Twilight, the other BLs don’t seem that great. Also, TODO: Go through #gmmtv 2023 and tag the shows properly

BOC: ummm idk I might check out Man Suang (the MileApo movie) and 4 minutes (the BibleBuild show written by Sammon) but I also wanna avoid the KP fandom so bad

kBLs: Gonna keep an eye on all the kBLs, though might not watch a few

GLs: seems like Thai GLs and kGL webseries are starting to be released more, will keep an eye on them (ex. Be My Baby, Reverse 4 You, etc)

Wish You Luck: Sci-fi, post-apocalyptic show :00 seems cool, also has Tonnam who I’ve only seen in comedic roles so far

The Sign: or something like that, it’s not on MDL yet but it’s Idol Factory’s newest BL announcement - it’ll involve the characters in some sort of investigation unit. I like this trend of BLs in crime/justic/thriller type of stories but idk if they’ll actually deliver.

Flirt Milk the series: I don’t have much faith or curiosity about Starhunter shows but I think the “we both change ourselves to fit the other” thing is funny

Het/non-QL shows

There aren’t as many of these I’m interested in, comparatively, so I didn’t have this section last year but might as well try it this year.

Released

Midnight Motel

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Dec 28, 2022 - Jan 12, 2023

Watch Via: Youtube (free)

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Jan 11 - 14, 2023 (#2)

Rating: 6.5/10

Initial Impression: I’ve been anticipating this since early 2022, especially because I like both Jan and Off individually as actors. Now to see them as a pair! And it seems like a cool concept from the mock trailer. Thank goodness it’s being released on Youtube at the same time as Disney+Hotstar.

Overall Impression: The acting was great, the script was comprehensible and well-paced, the production is good, featured sex work without villainizing the workers or the work itself. I loved Mote’s little fantasies of possible scenarios or of imagining an interaction in a different way (the card game with June, convo with dead Pat). I’m impressed by the creative team behind it. I won’t think about this much after today I don’t think but I liked this little show.

tags: midnight motel

Also Appears In: Midnight Motel Live Blogging, January 2023 Wrap-Up 

Island Part 1

Country: South Korean

Release Dates: Dec 30, 2022 - Jan 13, 2023

Watch Via: Amazon Prime :>

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Mar 14 - 15, 2023 (#6)

Rating: 6/10

Initial Impression: I’ve started getting into thriller/horror kdramas, think I���m gonna start watching Fantasy ones as well and starting with this because of Cha Eunwoo my beloved. || It’s finished and I know a biiig S2 ending spoiler and the reviews are meh but people loved CEW here, so I’ll watch it still probably

Overall Impression: The main female lead was whatever, wish she was just good at something. Whether it be fighting demons, fighting back via kindness and empathy, or actual power due to her status/wealth/connections. She's not the worst ever because she can still stand up for herself and she has personality but I mourn that they've written her like this. Van is just fucking boring and I don't care. My beloved Johan <3333 I liked his charming, cocky, beautiful character who was so intrigued by everything going on as if he really was 20 and curious about everything but also I liked his apprehension when it came down to it. The storyline with his brother was so T.T Also curious to see the evil brother half-demon Guntan and his sidekick niece Yeom-ji. They're both pretty cool compared to our 2 main characters. I wish the show flowed better in terms of the sequence of scenes and pacing and the main characters were more intriguing.

tags: island

Also Appears In: Island Part 1 Live Blogging, March 2023 Wrap-Up

Island Part 2

Country: South Korean

Release Dates: Dec 30, 2022 - Jan 13, 2023

Watch Via: Amazon Prime :>

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Mar 16 - 17, 2023 (#7) 

Rating: 5.5/10

Overall Impression: Literally how was it worse than part 1? Especially when we focused more on Guntan and Yeom-ji than fuckass Miho and Van? Maybe because of less focus on Johan (I wanna know his backstoryyyyyy) and also just incomprehensible writing/plot direction. Yeomji and Johan my beloveds + Guntan being cool were the highlights. Hated the dumbass cliffhanger ending. such a forgettable show.

tags: island (Search s2)

Also Appears In: Island Part 2 Live Blogging, March 2023 Wrap-Up

Dirty Laundry

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Jan 18, 2023 - Feb 2, 2023

Watch Via: GMMTV YT (free)

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Apr 25 - 28, 2023 (#11)

Rating: 6/10

Initial Impression: seems hilarious and people seemed to like it.

Overall Impression: Personally worth watching just to see the plethora of the gendered terms used with Night in drag/pretending to be kathoey (esp with Momey). Also liked the ending with “but who’s gonna direct?” [look into the camera] [screen with Directed by Jojo’s name] This was really fun and kept my attention well. I’ve seen people say that the humour didn’t work for them but it did for me. Also fun to see actors like Nanon, Film, Pond in these roles.

tags: dirty laundry

Also Appears In: April 2023 Wrap-Up

Prom Pact

Country: USA

Release Dates: March 30, 2023

Watch Via: Disney+

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Aug 9, 2024 (#42)

Rating: 5.5/10

Overall: Annoying characters, but at least I watched with friends and it's fun to have movie nights like that

Also Appears In: August 2024 Wrap-Up TODO

Midnight Museum

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Mar 6, 2023 - Apr 4, 2023

Watch Via: GMMTV YT (free)

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Apr 5 - 7, 2023 (#10)

Rating: 5.5/10

Initial Impression: not super sure on the concept because I didn’t watch the mock trailer but cool actors, cool vibes; hope it has strong script and production. || 2 eps are out and people have been really enjoying it, so I’m even more curious.

Overall Impression: I liked the first half with the artifacts and side stories more than the second half where they tried to do too much for a short runtime, not too much budget, and mediocre writing skills. I couldn't make myself care about Khatha or Dome and also it was funny how they kept emphasizing phi-nong with words but so romantic in action. I wish the fantasy and magic and parallel universes and time travel and cult and God and whatever else made more sense together.

tags: midnight museum

Also Appears In: Midnight Museum Live Blogging, April 2023 Wrap-Up

Oh No! Here Comes Trouble

Country: Taiwan

Release Dates: Apr 15, 2023 - May 13, 2023

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Via: iQiyi (so ;>)

Watch Dates: June 5 - 12, 2024 (#40)

Rating: 6.5/10

Initial: wanted something thriller that had a bromance/BL but romance wasn’t at the forefront and was recced this

Overall: A good watch with engaging smaller story arcs (well, some more engaging than others) that play into the larger story (I love that it relates to family), a good cast of characters, good acting, and coherent story. Although, I must say, it's not necessarily that this show is elusive or confusing but sometimes I felt like I wasn't picking up clues or subtext that I would in a different show, so idk what's up with that. I liked the concept of the calligraphy and the "obsession" where these weren't like actual ghosts but beings that were borne from obsession. I didn't really ship Yiyong and Guangyan romantically, though I thought that I would, but I liked their friendship alongwith Chuying; they're a fun trio and the characters well-realized. I will however likely not think about this show and also it was boring/repetitive sometimes.

Also Appears In: Oh No! Here Comes Trouble Live Blogging, June 2024 Wrap-Up

The Good Bad Mother

Country: South Korea

Release Dates: Apr 26, 2023 - Jun 8, 2023

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Via: iQiyi (so, ;>)

Watch Dates: Apr 1 - 3, 2024 (#33)

Rating: 7/10

Overall Impression: Lee Dohyun <3 My reason for watching but the show is bigger than just him. It was so addictive and entertaining, watched the whole show in like 2 days and 2 hours. Impressed by the acting of Lee Dohyun and the mother and Mijoo's actors. The show was mostly about the mother and son relationship, with the revenge plot + the Mijoo/Kangho romance arcs in the background. I deeply wish that Kangho hadn't apparently forever loved and understood his mother and did everything for her and sang her favourite song while studying for the Bar or whatever. He went low-contact with her in Seoul even before he discovered the stuff that made him break up with Mijoo, so I think the reasons behind that and the hurt and betrayal that caused him to take such an action should have been focused on more. We got fleeting moments of him being angry or her saying she's bad but it was all explained away or he understood or whatever. Anyway, idk, I think if that relationship was more clear + the ending of the revenge arc was more solid, I would've rated it higher because I did enjoy this but some things bothered me significantly.

Also Appears In: The Good Bad Mother Live Blogging,  April 2024 Wrap-Up

Bloodhounds

Country: South Korea

Release Dates: Jun 9, 2023

Watch Via: Netflix, so :>

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: June 10 (#15)

Rating: 6.5/10

Overall Impression: Good enough, especially the heart of episode 6 but not something I'll be thinking about at all. The characters didn't resonate a whole lot, this focused a lot on just fighting scenes (more than like strategizing, being clever, etc, which is usually what I'm a fan of), the defeat of the villains wasn't really satisfying at all - especially with how cruel episode 6 went down. Also, I don’t ship Geonwoo and Woojin, sadly.

tags: bloodhounds

Live Blogging: Bloodhounds Live Blogging, June 2023 Wrap-Up

When I Fly Towards You 

Country: China

Release Dates: Jun 13, 2023 - Jun 29, 2023

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Via: Youtube

Watch Dates: Mar 13 - 19, 2024 (#29)

Rating: 6.5/10 [May 12, 2024 Update: Decreased by 0.5 stars when rerating shows I've watched in 2024: 7 -> 6.5]

Initial Impression: Saw this Tiktok edit while going through an account for TeeWhite (DFF) edits and the most popular Tiktok of this show made me wanna watch + this one like omg idk why I’m so excited to see him get jealous/grovel I don’t know this man. It also has a really high rating like 9/10 on MDL. Okay wait I saw this (pretend crush) on a reel before, I didn’t know this was from the same drama, no wonder the name seemed familiar.

Overall Impression: This was so cute, I liked the characters and their characterizations, the friend group, and their romance. I liked how they were mutually helping each other achieve their goals and paths in life. It was just cute. They had a 1 year long-distance thing in the middle where they were obviously sad but they got through it. I like that they trusted each other and liked each other and were nice to each other. Love that so much of this was them while in a relationship! Their high school undefined situation, then relationship while in uni and jobs and getting married. I love an established relationship situation and this delivered. They got through situations together, no unnecessary breakup or miscommunication. It's just good and cute and endearing.

tags: when i fly towards you

Also Appears In: When I Fly Towards You Live Blogging, March 2024 Movies/Shows Wrap-Up

Enigma

Country: Thailand

Release Dates: Aug 4 - 5, 2023

Watch Via: GMMTV Youtube

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Aug 7 - 8, 2023 (#18)

Rating: 6.5/10

Initial Impression: school themed horror? Could be cool and interesting if they have a good script and good production and one of the only non-queer GMMTV 2023 shows I’m looking forward to

Overall Impression: I wish the wrap-up/ending was done better/explained a bit more like what was that Ajin possession thing? No Ajin past? Why did we redeem mother so easily? Who was the blurry girl in ep 1 (maybe Yiwha?)? I wish the horror aspect continued on cuz I think it was strongest in the first episode but not much after that. It's had me hetshipping and lesbian shipping (Fa/Namsine were literally soooo) and that's a good mark. Good after credits scene to pique interest for a larger story, hope we get a good follow up next year.

tags: enigma

Live Blogging: Enigma Live Blogging, July - November 2023 Wrap-Up

The Worst of Evil

Country: South Korea

Release Dates: Sep 27, 2023 - Oct 25, 2023

Watch Via: ;>

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: June 21 - 22, 2024 (#41)

Rating: 7.5/10

Initial Impression: Wi Hajoon, police drama. It’s in a lot of people’s 2023 favourites lists and it seems like a show I’d be into based on genre

Overall: Surprised even myself by binging this in 24 hours (10am-10am June 21-22) when I was planning on watching ~3eps/day for 4 days. Intense, interesting, engaging, exciting, thrilling. How fun. It made me feel like when I had just started watching k-dramas or thrillers, and everything was exciting and I'd just watch it for hours on end. Knew Wi Hajoon is in this (the guy who really had me getting into watching shows and dramas). I wasn't on anybody's side - I knew/suspected the cops and Seungho would win because that's just the kind of story but I wanted more and better from each side, I wanted them to be clever and to outsmart each other. When Gicheol did something clever, I was excited and when Seungho did something clever, I was equally excited. I pity Gicheol, he really only had Seungho and Euijeong left at the end but they both were conspiring against him. But Seungho was right that Gicheol didn't need to do all this, it's an excuse, and it's not surprising that others turned their back on him. Enjoyed Seungho-Junmo constantly pushing farther and doing too much just to keep his cover and have the investigation continue. I liked the main romance at the beginning but it makes sense that they divorced or stopped being together after that mission. Euijeong was underutilized, underwritten, and ultimately not very useful, I wish she was more involved. Miss Lee was so good, she played the spoiled and love-sick fool who still had bite and resources and power well, and I enjoyed her with Seungho. The ending was fitting. I'm curious about whether I will remember this show or think about it later on since I binged it so quickly and didn't develop emotional connection with the characters despite finding them interesting and being invested in the plot.

tags: the worst of evil

Also Appears In: The Worst of Evil Live Blogging, June 2024 Wrap-Up

Twinkling Watermelon

Country: South Korea

Release Dates:  Sep 25, 2023 - Nov 14, 2023

Watch Via: Viki (paid, so :>)

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Jan 19 - 22, 2024 (#25)

Rating: 7.5/10

Initial Impression: same reason as My Perfect Stranger (Saw this Tiktok (Twinkling Watermelon x My Perfect Stranger) and ended up watching a few more and idk, it reminds me of 18 Again somehow with like younger version and family stuff), it's also in the same tiktok, and it seemed to be very popular among the kdramas this year

Overall Impression: I'm fucking obsessed with this sort of concept: Parent and child being the same teenage age through some magical concept. It's got a good storyline, hilarious yet touching. I was afraid that they'd make Yi Chan's hearing come back but I'm glad it didn't; it's just something that has to happen to him for no reason the way these things just happen sometimes. The characters were well-crafted and the acting was great. Kinda slow paced, there were certain episodes where I was like nothing really happened, but I guess that's the point of the slice of life aspect in some cases; just watching the characters exist alone and together.I was into the ChCh romance from the get-go and thought they were sooo cute whereas EunEun were a more fun menace pair who I just liked to watch fighting before it gradually became a couple I shipped Very Much. Also, a shoutout to my Se Kyeong (OG, not Eun Yoo) and Chung Ah ship, I can't believe Se Kyeong's first love was her husband instead of Chung Ah. A well-crafted show, good acting, hit some feels and I expect some attachment to it (I'm rewatching and skimming certain parts as I write lol).

tags: twinkling watermelon

Also Appears In: Twinkling Watermelon Live Blogging, January 2024 Movies/Shows Wrap-Up

Death's Game Part 1

Country: South Korea

Release Dates: Dec 15, 2023

Watch Via: paid, so :>

Status: ✅ Watched

Watch Dates: Jan 29, 2024 (#27)

Rating: 7/10

Initial Impression: Hadn't heard much about it until I saw Pocha Playlist podcast covering it but I didn't listen to that episode. Then I find out that Lee Dohyun plays a (reincarnation) character in it and now I'm like hmm maybe + the rating and reception seems really good on MDL.

Overall Impression: Weird to rate just this half-show 4 episodes but really good and interesting, I'm enjoying it a lot. My favourite eps are eps 2 and 4, they balanced a good amount of heart with excitement (for ep 2) and plot progression/answers (ep 4 + ofc Lee Dohyun my initial reason for checking out the show). The 18 Again characters/actors are haunting me with this fr.

tags: death's game

Also Appears In: Death's Game Live Blogging, January 2024 Movies/Shows Wrap-Up

To Watch:

My Perfect Stranger (Kor - June 20) - Saw this Tiktok (Twinkling Watermelon x My Perfect Stranger) and ended up watching a few more and idk, it reminds me of 18 Again somehow with like younger version and family stuff

Ranking of Watched: 14

Twinkling Watermelon = The Worst of Evil

Death’s Game Part 1 = The Good Bad Mother

Midnight Motel = Bloodhounds = Enigma = When I Fly Towards You = Oh No! Here Comes Trouble

Island Part 1 = Dirty Laundry

Island Part 2 = Midnight Museum = Prom Pact

Watched in 2023: 7

Watched in 2024: 7

Releasing

To Be Released

2023 GMMTV Shows: 

Kdramas mentioned in Certified Noonas 2023 Releases: Murder DIEary (the synopsis is cool and the director is the same as Strangers From Hell but I’m looking at the MDL again and 2024? D: why so far but someone on comments has also been saying that the filming ended recently - Mar 25 - and it can still come out this year)

Lost Interest

Till the World Ends (Thai - Jan 7)

Initial Impression: it’s an end of the world BL and people who watched it enjoyed it, so I’ll try to give it a watch

Removal Date: Feb 01, 2023

Lost Interest: I’ve started watching non-BL/non-webseries kdramas, so I think I’d just rather watch the kdramas with cool concepts and higher quality than meh quality BLs even if it has a unique plot for a BL

609 Bedtime Story (Thai - Feb 3)

Initial Impression: OhmFluke directed by P’Golf (director of The Eclipse) and it’s parallel universes, sci-fi and has 2 endings, seems cool!

Removal Date: Feb 03, 2023

Lost Interest: I’ve started watching non-BL/non-webseries kdramas, so I think I’d just rather watch the kdramas with cool concepts and higher quality than meh quality BLs even if it has a unique plot for a BL. Everybody’s really confused about it too and I don’t care enough

Moments of Love (Thai - Feb 14)

Initial Impression: I don’t actually know what this is about but I saw a gif of SmartJames shotgunning and yeah, I’ll probably watch it. + it’s a movie with Fort, SmartJames, directed by P’Golf, so not much of a time sink and I’ll get to see some people I’ve watched before

Removal Date: Mar 19, 2023

I forgot this even existed tbh but I was adding Laws of Attraction and The Sign to my anticipated list and was like oh? anyway, the movie has a low rating on MDL and apparently all the couples end sadly. After LeonPob, don’t want another SmartJames sad ending tbh even though the shotgunning was hot

Joseon Attorney: A Morality

Initial Impression: was mentioned in Certified Noonas 2023 Releases and it seemed interesting

Removal Date: May 20, 2023 - the day finale aired

Lost Interest: seems like everybody is disappointed by the ending and said the middle/end is bad so rip

Show Me Love 

Initial Impression: Another GL! This time it’s characters who are in the beauty pageant industry played by beauty pageant contestants.

Removal date: June 6, 2023

Lost Interest: heard that it’s not really good or interesting/well-crafted + it’s behind a paywall. good longer GLs whennn

GAP (Thai - Feb 18)

Initial Impression: GL, the gifs of them from Secret Crush on You is <3, i’m shallow and they’re pretty, (one-sided?) enemies to lover? i don’t know but i’m hyped for it, one of my most anticipated

Removal Date: June 2023

Lost Interest: man I was really looking forward to this but ik people say it’s overdramatic and messy by the end and I don’t feel like it

Home School

Initial Impression: first in 2022 and Finally, I think this is the last of the GMMTV 2022 batch and I hope it’s really great. Releasing twice a week, so I also won’t have to wait 3 months to watch it

Removal Date: Aug 5, 2023

Lost Interest: I’ve heard it’s bad lol rip

Middle Man’s Love

Initial Impression: Domundi: Middleman’s Love (TutorYim~ excited). The 2023 showcase happened and the premises for some of these are really good (ZeeNuNew’s prince/bodyguard drama, MaxNat parallel worlds(?), NetJames historical and time travel(?), so I hope the execution is good as well. Haven’t watched mock teasers except for Bed Friend and the ZeeNuNew one, wonder when these will acc come out. Gonna watched teasers (+ showcase in general) after the shows actually come out

Removal Date: Jan 4, 2024

Lost Interest: everybody says it was bad, which is tragic. Still willing to try out ZeeNunew The Next Prince if it turns out well

Shadow

Initial Impression: has a stacked cast and may or may not be BL (but I think it’s been mentioned that it has queer characters for sure)

Removal Date: Jan 4, 2024

Lost Interest: I heard the first half was really good, not sure about the second half but apparently it’s not BL. maybe i’ll add it back if someone says it’s way too good to pass up

[siriusblackloml]

just for me - george weasley x reader (PART 2)

𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: george weasley x fem!reader

𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩: 8k

𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙣 𝙧𝙚𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩: “i was wondering if you could maybe write anything abt virgin killer!george weasley?? like im sorry hes the finest mf around ik he gets MAD hoes so when he finally acknowledges this preppy, nice and innocent mc he jus knows he has to ruin her"

𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮: george knows he has your attention now. he knew his plan was working, and that’s why he decides to strike in the most unexpected place.

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: virgin!reader, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, swearing, fingering, dirty talk, george weasley lowkey being an ass, PUBLIC SEX

𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧'𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚: hope you all enjoy! part three coming out very very very soon :)

part one ┊ part two ┊part three ┊ part four (COMING SOON)

Sitting alone in the library wasn’t an abnormal occurrence to you. From the multiple exams and essays that Professor Snape has set over the years, you’re used to being surrounded by maybe two or three piles of books. While this was the norm for you, and sitting alone in the library today shouldn’t have felt any different, it had you feeling like your heart was going to jump out of your body. 

Trying to not bite the rest of your nails out of anxiety, you start to twirl your hair that had been styled down today. You had a dark blue hair clip in your hair that you couldn’t quite seem to keep in one place for more than two or three minutes. Every now and then you were adjusting it repeatedly to try and look nice. At some point you had to stop because you could sense that your hair was starting to frizz at the roots from constantly pulling and straining it. You couldn’t risk looking bad for George today. Well, at least you were hoping you looked pretty decent today. It was only a tutoring session, that’s all, right? 

Even if it is just a study session that will probably last no more than an hour at most, you arrived at the library thirty minutes earlier than you and George had planned the previous day. Having to sit around and wait in your house common room was just a little too much for you to handle at the moment. No one else was really there, so it was just you in your thoughts. You assumed maybe the library would be better suiting, but you nearly forgot how quiet it would be due to lack of students. It was still very early in the year, barely into the third week of the term, so not many people were busying themselves with the books that the Hogwarts library held. Well, there were a few students…however, they were all first-years who seemed to just go to the library to prank the librarian by making loud noises over and over again. You eventually got frustrated enough to leave the table you had been previously sitting in, locating yourself at a desk in the far corner of the library away from everyone else.

Yes, this would mean that only you and George would be in this corner of the library, but maybe that would be best. Less distractions for him to try and focus on. You take a deep breath and try to focus more on the present rather than the future. 

You lean over the desk to retrieve all your books and parchment from your bag. You lay them out on the desk in an organized manner. Figuring you had time to kill, you start to dip your quill in some ink and open your book to a random chapter to start taking notes. Unfortunately, your focused frame of mind lasted no more than thirty seconds. You’ve lost focus almost immediately and start thinking about George. He always seemed to find a way to consume your mind. 

Uneasiness was coursing through your veins. You were anxious, to say the least. Restless, fidgety, tense, you had it all running through your body right now. Understandably so, too. 

However, another emotion began to consume your thoughts; you felt astonished. Taken back by the way that a boy you’d just recently met a few weeks ago had the ability to linger on your mind for hours on end. This feeling left you dumbfounded with how to cope with the anxiety and nervousness. You’re just so surprised about all this because it was over…a boy! You’d never been through this kind of thing before. 

George Weasley had some sort of spell on you, and whatever kind of spell it was, it was stronger than any kind of magic you’d come across at Hogwarts. 

Did George know he was doing this to you? No, he must only see you as a fellow peer is all. The fact that you were asking yourself this question raised a lot of flags in your head. It was hard to admit, but you were starting to truly believe that you were for sure developing feelings for the boy. Just that realization alone was hard to take in, let alone wondering whether or not George felt the same way. You felt that maybe it was going to be better to just assume he didn’t feel the same. Trying to convince yourself that he didn’t share similar feelings towards you gave you better reassurance that this tutoring lesson won’t be anything more than just that. If anything, you felt like you had a clearer vision of how things were going to go down. You would be sure to just keep your focus on studying and absolutely nothing else. 

Taking in another deep breath to relax, you look around the library to see if George had walked in. After only needing to glance around for a few seconds, you finally see him. His appearance is noticed as he starts to walk around the corner of a shelf towards the table. His little waltz falters as he notices you and he immediately breaks into a grin. You try your best to ignore the butterflies exploding in your chest. 

As the boy gets closer to the table, you smile back and say, “Hey! How are you?”

George sets his belongings on the desk and starts to pull out the chair to your left. He begins to swivel the chair to the side so that he can sit in it, answering your question with another one. “I’m doing great, how about yourself, Y/N?”

When George is in his chair and starts to scoot forward, you can’t help but notice how close he was to you. He had managed to push his chair so close to your own, there was barely any room between the two of you. Glancing at the way both your legs were merely brushing against each other, your eyes flutter to a quick glance at his crotch. Your cheeks blush red immediately as you try to ignore the dirty thoughts that crossed your mind. This was quite possibly the first time you’d ever purposely looked at a boy in that way.

You open your book to an earlier chapter and start to explain your plan to George in detail. You had a full outline planned for him where you would start teaching him material over the easier subjects and have it lead up towards the harder areas of the textbook. And surprisingly…the session went great!

George was eager to jump right into the first lesson you had to offer. He was memorizing more and more of the content and was grasping everything with ease. You couldn’t help but think less and less of the idea that George saw this as anything more than a tutoring lesson. You guys had little to no conversation outside the subject at hand. That way, it helped your mind stay at ease. 

The lesson went on for about an hour. It finally came to a halt when you quizzed George on his last question and he beamed with happiness as he got the correct answer. 

“Is it…used to thicken a potion?” George asks with a raised eyebrow. 

“Yes! Correct!” You say excitedly, watching as the boy breaks into a huge smile. You raise your hand in the air for a high five, which the boy reciprocates excitedly. The moment your hands touched, it felt like a million fireworks went off in your stomach. 

You tell him, “You know George, if I didn’t know any better, I would think you didn’t even need this tutoring lesson in the first place. You come to memorize this stuff very easily, it’s amazing.” 

You watch closely as George stares at your face with a sort of longing in his eyes, studying your features. It was as though he briefly went into auto-pilot mode as he carefully thought over his next response to your comment. The gears were turning in his head at full speed now. 

The boy finally starts to give you a response after sitting still for a few seconds. His body leans forward to further close the gap between you two, his hand reached forward and felt for the fabric of your skirt that covered your thigh. His hand rests atop your leg so naturally, as though he had been doing this for years. 

In an instant, your eyes widen and your stomach lurches forward. If anything, you felt like pure jelly. Every muscle in your body had felt tingly with excitement. You’re speechless as you stare at the hand on your thigh. Anxiously waiting for his next move, you slowly glance up towards George. The boy smirks and says in a sultry tone, “Well, of course I’m a natural at this stuff. I have the best tutor around to teach me.” 

At this comment, the red-haired student gave his peer a quick squeeze in the thigh. You let out a breath of air you hadn’t realized you’d been holding, gasping immediately. 

When you gasped in a soft breath, George couldn’t help but look at your lips. His linger stays there for what felt like a year. He couldn’t seem to stop staring, which only made you blush like mad. 

Feeling as though you had to be the one to break the ice, you ask him in a shaky voice, “G-George? Erm, what…what are you doing, e-exactly?” 

The boy just chuckles and gives you another squeeze and you could have sworn you felt a tingle go straight to your core. George says, “I’ll see you around, Y/N.”

He takes his hand away from your thigh and collects all his belongings, shoving them into the bag he had brought with. As he gets up from the chair and starts to walk away, he’s sure to turn around and give you a wink before fully walking out of the library. You’re left alone with the only thing you can hear is the beating of your own heart in your eardrums. It was consuming your entire being. That, and the constant thought of what had just happened. You weren’t imagining this, it was all real!

How the hell did he manage to leave you that baffled? That…discombobulated? You went into this tutoring session with a million questions running through your mind, and now you were leaving it with a million more. George Weasley was going to be the absolute death of you, there was no denying that. At least you were able to leave this tutoring session learning one new notion that you had not known before; George was interested in you.

»——•——«

One week later…

»——•——«

It felt mad seeing him in the hallway as if nothing had happened. Well, it wasn’t as though the both of you were acting the same old, same old again. There was something different in the air when you and George were together. Granted, you’d only had two class sessions together since the whole ordeal of last week. The tutoring session was merely a week ago, but the events that occurred at the end of the lesson were branded in your mind forever.

And now you’re just expected to go to classes like it was any other day. As if it was possible for you to go back to the same goody-two shoe student you were before George Weasley entered your life. How on earth were you just supposed to forget something like that had happened? It was quite literally life changing. Not that George was going to let you forget about the events of last week. Before you guys had taken your exam that following week, he thanked you again for tutoring him. His hand brushed against your leg under the desk and he gave you another wink.

You stuttered terribly with your words as your cheeks would turn red, and he just laughed at this, teasing you for being so cute. The next lesson you two had together, he was sitting extremely close and would sometimes allow his boot to brush up against your ankles under the desk. 

Meanwhile, if he ever saw you in the Great Hall, he made a big deal of coming over to say hello. This inevitably led up to the day he called you cute again for the way you had styled your hair. Cute? He thought you were cute? He said it twice in one week, of course he thought you were cute. Oh Godric, you were in so much more trouble with George Weasley than you ever thought you were going to be. You still couldn’t believe you had such strong feelings for a boy you’d just met, especially for one with such a bad reputation.

You sort of felt guilty for it at first. Even your girlfriends were a bit worried for you, warning that George was likely to just use you and get on with his life. But George Weasley was not one to just forget about. He was engraved in your very being. He was constantly consuming your thoughts. So much so, that you were starting to get a bit too distracted with your studying. That’s why you decided that maybe you needed to sneak off school grounds for a little while to have some alone time.

School always came first to you. The tests and exams were going to define your future, and your future was looking absolutely bright. Just the other day, Professor Snape was complimenting your abilities to “tutor even the most helpless”. While you knew you should have taken that compliment with a whole lot of pride, you couldn’t help but gulp hard knowing it was about George. He was quite literally everywhere you went now. This is why you had to get away from it all, even if it was just a couple hours.

One weekend morning, you’d woken up in a bright mood and ate a very filling breakfast. After chatting with your girlfriends in the common room, you’d decided to get ready for the day. You dressed yourself in a skirt and a school shirt, grabbing your robe to cover yourself just in case you got chilly. Not long after all this, you started to make your way outside to study. You’d brought a couple books outside to a nice shady spot under a tree far away from the school. It may or may not have been on school grounds, but that was absolutely fine by you. If anything, you needed a lot of space from the school. Inside was George Weasley, and he was like a drug consuming everything about your days.

You laid out your assignments in the grass, enjoying the cool autumn breeze caressing your face. You were trying your absolute best to stay focused to complete the massive list of homework you had to complete by the end of the week. However, your focus didn’t remain for long. Before you knew it, you could hear a long distance away from the school that a large group of people had exited from a courtyard to make their way down to Hagrid’s hut. 

Your heart sank as you realized exactly who it was. It was all three of the Weasley brothers with Harry Potter and Hermoine. You knew this from the three heads of fiery red hair and the smaller boy and girl. Thankfully, Hagrid’s hut was in the total opposite direction of you, so you decided to keep your nose in your books and keep on with the studying. There was no way they could have even seen you all the way out here, right? 

Well it might be possible, given you’d decided to wear your robe outside today…the black fabric against the bright green grass might stick out like a sore thumb. For the hell of it, you looked up from your book to see if the group had vanished. Instead, it seemed that everyone halted their movements as they were drawing further away from the school. 

It was too far to tell, but you could’ve sworn that the group of people were staring at you.

Oh Godric, of course they would notice you, why wouldn’t they? It’s just your freaking luck. You immediately looked down at the book in hand and tried to get your focus back as best you could. Maybe ten, twenty, thirty seconds had passed, you didn’t know, but you glanced up again at the group to see if they’d disappeared. 

Thankfully, they had…however there was a tall red-haired boy who was walking through a field of grass to make his way towards you. Even if it was hard to make out his face, you knew it was George. You tried to ignore the fact he was making a long trek all the way across fields of grass to find you in your study spot. You knew damn well that once George was here, it was no longer going to be spent studying. Not that you really knew what was going to happen…maybe you two were just going to talk…but what on earth about?

You didn’t have time to contemplate the ideas, you looked up and saw that George was less than ten feet away now, smiling like no tomorrow. Deciding to break the ice, you hold up a hand to your eyes to shade the sun from your face. You ask him, “Hi George, whatcha doing all the way out here?”

The boy nods his head to acknowledge your question, quickly telling you, “Well, just wondered if you mind I stuck around with you for a bit. Saw you all the way from the castle and thought it might have been you. Guess I was right!”

You chuckle nervously, picking up books to push them away. Making room for the boy to your right, you pat the soft grass and invite him to sit, “Yeah, I didn’t think anyone would see me to be completely honest with you. I felt so far away.”

George sits down with a look of confusion on his face. You raise an eyebrow as he asks, “Why on earth would you not want to be seen?” 

Within an instant, your cheeks are blushing red. This was typical now anytime you and George spoke to one another. 

If only it were easy to tell the boy that he was secretly the reason you had to get away from the castle. If only you could tell him that your heart beats so fast every time the two of you make eye contact that you feel like it’s going to explode. No, he didn’t need to know all this. Instead, you chose to shrug casually. “I guess…just to have some peace and quiet. I don’t know, I guess I liked being hidden from the rest of the world for a little bit.” 

Which isn’t really far from the truth. Since you’d dedicated so many years to studying your subjects at Hogwarts, it wasn’t hard for people to overlook you. George nodded his head and was busy licking his lips deep in thought. He mimics your shrug with a crooked grin, telling you, “Well, I don’t want you to stay hidden.”

You blush and smile, asking him, “Oh yeah? Why’s that?” 

He just smirks and scoots closer to you, opting to lean in close and ask you a personal question instead of answering your own. “Can I kiss you, Y/N?”

There was absolutely nothing that could have prepared you for that question, as though all the breath had been knocked out of you in an instant. That, or maybe your heart stopped beating for a second. Your smile is larger than life itself in that moment, and all that mattered was the sweet victory that George Weasley seemed to want you just as bad as you wanted him. You were a winner through and through.

You nod your head shyly, waiting for him to make the first move. George wastes no time, a soft hand coming up to cup your cheek while he swiftly moves in towards your face. 

Your lips connect and as cliche as it sounds, you could have sworn you felt some sort of fireworks go off. The moment you two connected it was as if the world around you went mute completely. You exhale loudly as George pushes his lips against yours so naturally. The way his lips brushed in time with your own would only result in little groans from your shaky breaths, still slightly nervous from the experience of it all. Not that you were scared, you were just in complete disbelief that this was happening. 

He takes total control of it all, moving his lips in a way that you could only try your best to mimic. This was truly the first time you’d ever kissed a boy and it made you feel like you were high on drugs. His lips were soft, plush, and as sweet as candy. The taste of his mouth on your own leaves you biting on his lip, begging for anything more than this.

George had been relatively silent up until this point, and after biting his lip you caught a tiny pout and whine that escaped from his mouth in a quick moment. It makes you feel utterly crazy. 

Before you expect it, George’s hand goes from cupping your face to the back of your head. His fingers intertwine in your locks and he pulls softly, earning a whine from you, a noise you hadn’t realized you would ever make in front of a boy. His hand keeps a tight grip on your hair, and you felt in an instant that you needed to lock yourself onto George in some way to anchor your bodies together. 

Your hands find their way up his forearms, slowly making their way around his shoulders to wrap around his neck. At this action, George starts to push you forward without missing a beat in the kiss. He carefully pushes you towards the ground and is sure that you lay softly on the grass before he resumes kissing you with vigor. You notice that he is starting to pick up the pace.

Inexperienced, you try your best to match him, but it feels nearly impossible. It felt as though he was trying to consume everything about you in a matter of seconds. Due to this, it was becoming hard to ignore the noticeable knot in your stomach tightening more and more as George makes out with you. Even worse, you could feel your underwear starting to soak easily in a matter of minutes. While you felt like maybe you should be embarrassed about this, you don’t really have much time to even think about it. George was starting to show an even more powerful side, dominance that left you exhilarated. 

The kiss intensifies as he starts to swirl his tongue at your bottom lip, silently begging you for permission to open up. You obeyed his order, whimpering into his mouth, “Oh, fuck me George…”

The boy murmurs something into your mouth, but it’s completely overwhelmed and ignored at the action of his tongue swirling around your own. It feels gross, distasteful, but beautiful all at once. It almost felt hard to breathe again.

You had waited for this to happen for so long now. No boy had ever made you feel this crazy before. You were absolutely head over heels for George Weasley. What gets your heart racing even faster is the fact that he was the one to initiate it all.

There was a sort of electricity between the two of you that neither could ignore. It was an undeniable sort of energy, but what was even more undeniable was the eagerness you had for more. Honestly, you were desperate for anything. You start to allow your legs to slowly open underneath George’s body, completely in disarray that you are even doing this for a boy in the first place, let alone someone you couldn’t even consider your boyfriend. 

George takes this invitation with a smirk on his face, pulling away from the kiss to whisper against your jawline, “You’re so damn cheeky, you know that?” 

He allows the lower half of his body to connect with your own by pushing down on top of you. Your eyes widen immediately as you feel…something.

Through the fabric of his school pants, you can feel George's manhood rubbing against your thigh. You quickly cast your eyes below to observe the area where your bodies meet. Your lips emit a little gasp as your gaze digests the scene. Just by appearances, George seemed to be enormous. When you first caught a glimpse of his crotch in the library, you never in a million years imagined he'd be so huge! George, noticing that you are no longer staring at him, looks down to meet your sight on his hardening member. He chews his lip and turns to face you, beaming, “You did this to me, love. I wonder if there’s something we could do to fix my…little problem.”

You gulp loudly, looking back at him with eyes as wide as the moon. In a shaky voice, you ask him, “Do you mean…do you mean, like, having…sex?”

George immediately laughs, brushing strands of hair away from your face. He didn’t answer right away, but he didn’t need to say anything verbal to give you the cue that this is exactly what he had been hoping for. 

Displeased by your own question, you cast your gaze away from George. Ever since he kissed you, you secretly had a gut feeling this was going to lead up towards something sexual eventually. If you hadn't known any better, you would say that George must have had this planned for some time. What else could one do but...let it happen? Were you prepared for such a significant leap? For you, this was absolutely uncharted ground. You wanted it so bad even though it was rumored to be unpleasant the first time. Just the thought alone made your ears ring. 

But in the end, you trusted him. Maybe it was just your crazy infatuation for the boy, but you needed this desperately. 

George smiles and whispers, “Only if you’re comfortable with it, Y/N. I don’t want to do anything you don’t want-”

“I want it.” You blurt out, cheeks reddening immediately. 

George’s eyes widen now, surprised and thrown off guard by the sheer impulse of your words. He questions you, “W-Wait, seriously? Are-Are you sure?”

You nod your head willingly, telling him, “Yes, I’m positive. I really need it, George.” 

His eyes darkened immediately realizing he has you all to himself. He chuckles deeply, clicking his tongue as his eyes scan your face, more importantly your lips. You hoped he wasn’t going to read the shame spread across your face because never in a million years had you expected you would be under a boy in the middle of a field practically begging to be fucked. 

Which only brought you back to reality. You glance at your surroundings and remember exactly where you were. Out in the open, outside. You understood this wasn't the best place to have your first time, but you were willing to make an exception. You were a little concerned that someone would see you, though. George did, after all, see you from what seemed like a million miles away. "George, won't someone see us?" you ask as you raise your worry to him. 

George rises to his knees in seconds. His perfectly defined bulge was only highlighted by this perspective, which made you weak in the knees. You remain still, as if you were anchored to the earth, while he glances around to find a solution. George casts an overview in your direction before turning to face you and focusing on your physique. More specifically, the robes you were wearing. 

“Give me your robes,” he says, “I’ll hang it from the tree.” 

He removed your robe and tied it clumsily to the tree's branches to serve as a temporary barricade. It was not perfect by any means, but you had nothing to complain about. It hid you away from the rest of wandering eyes at Hogwarts. Within seconds, George was unbuttoning his shirt. 

Trying your best to mimic his actions, you pull your tucked shirt out from the restraints of your skirt and start to unbutton at the same pace he was going. You exploded in excitement as you saw George's naked chest. Just seeing him on his knees in front of you and removing his shirt made your stomach erupt with butterflies. From the waist up, he was now completely nude. You couldn't help but cast a second glance in the direction of his crotch, marveling at the bulge that was furiously waiting for release from the confines of his pants. You carefully toss your own garment on the grass after casually shaking it off. As soon as you noticed the boy staring at your bralette, your heart began to beat quickly. It was a lovely shade of lavender, which complemented your skin tone admirably. 

“You look beautiful, Y/N.” He whispers, inching closer and closer to you. You take this as an invitation to lie down again and watch as he crawls on top of you again, leaning down to devour you in another kiss. He mumbles against your lips, “So beautiful.”

You eagerly kiss him back, head spinning from a rush of adrenaline. As George starts to leave small kisses against your jawline, you notice his hands start to touch random places on your body. At first it was your hips, your stomach, then your breasts. He gave them a tender squeeze through the fabric, making you softly moan. “Oh my gosh- please touch me more, please!” 

George doesn’t need to ask you to beg for more. He was as desperate as you were and complied with your request immediately. 

George’s hands slowly moved up and down your body; his fingers traced curves as his lips moved in time along your neck. You sigh softly at the sensation, thinking you were crazy for not having done this before. His hands found their way to the waistline of your skirt, where his fingers started to slip beneath the clothing. He could feel your warm skin against his fingertips and sighs contently. He mumbles against your neck, “Can I take these off for you, love?” 

The hot breath against your neck made you slightly gasp. All you could do was nod furiously, silently begging for him to get a move on. Your hands find their way to his shoulders, occasionally digging your nails into his skin from pure excitement. George kisses down your collarbone while his hands start to properly grip the skirt in a way that allows him to pull it down your body. You feel your heart start to race as he slowly peels off the article of clothing, exposing your legs to the cool air of the outside breeze.

His lips start to move further down your collarbone, kissing the dip in between your breasts as his fingers move behind your body to unclip the bra. With your help, your bralette comes off easily and he leaves it sitting atop your shirt. He stares at your chest, admiring your nipples and the roundness of your chest. You jokingly ask, “Do you like what you see?” 

He licks his bottom lip and nods his head, “Fuck, of course I do.” 

His mouth resumes kissing down your body, however he does not forget to leave soft kisses along your breasts in a way that makes your core tingle even more. There was no doubt in your mind you were soaking now, underwear wet against your privates. George was nearly there, too, which made the situation all more exciting. The boy’s tongue starts to explore every inch of you, getting closer and closer to the trim of your underwear, which matches the color of your bralette, of course. You let out a gasp as his fingers moved to your inner thighs, pushing them apart to expose you even more than before. You whisper to yourself, “Oh, fuck…”

George is fully laid on his stomach now, his face merely inches away from your bottom. He inhales greatly, taking in your intoxicating scent. He tells you, “I don’t think you understand how long I’ve been wanting to look at this pretty pussy.”

Your heart beats rapidly at his words. You tell him in a shy voice, “I really need you, George. Please, I need you inside me.”

He chuckles deeply, nipping at the skin of your inner thighs. He starts to move his hands towards the underwear that hugged your skin so tightly, the pads of his fingers making your skin jump with excitement. You were nervous beyond belief, but also anxious for him to start fucking you already. 

“I’ll need to prep you first, baby. I don’t want to hurt you.” He explains, coaxing you to lift your bottom so that he can pull off your underwear. You comply and raise your bottom off the ground, allowing him to swiftly pull off your clothing. 

You heard a gasp, thinking at first it had been you, but realized it was George moments later. It sounded as though he was in awe from the sight of your soft folds which were glistening with wetness. Your body shifts under his stare. If he hadn’t known you were a virgin before, he had to now. You positively dripping wet just from his kisses. 

Knees spread before George, you clear your throat to catch his attention. “Can you please be fast? I want to be careful, too…but I also really, really wanting your cock inside me.”

You couldn’t believe you were this desperate, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. George smiles before getting up from the ground and leaning forward, leaving a small kiss on your forehead. He asks you in a gentle coo, “Of course, baby. How do you want me to prep you? My mouth or fingers?” 

You smile at the kiss, secretly wishing he did it more often. Not wasting any time, you think over the situation once in your head and decide on an answer. “I think your fingers will be fine.”

“Me, too. I’m going to start with one, alright?” He says, sitting on his knees in between your thighs. Your body relaxes at the idea. This was the perfect way to start out. 

He shuffles closer to you, his hands rubbing up and down your thighs. Finally, after what felt like forever, his right hand starts to inch closer to your pussy, thumb touching your folds and smearing your leaking juices over your clit. Your entire body suddenly leaps at the sensation. You find yourself gently muttering, "Fuck, George!" 

He silently mumbles something to himself at the same time while gazing at your clit, which almost begs to be touched. His fingers repeatedly swoop down between your folds before being pulled up around your tender nub. You start to groan more and more as a result of the feeling, and before you know it, he has inserted his middle finger into your warmth. He feels like he's thrusting in and out of your hole, and you bite your lip. George grins and says, "You're so fucking wet, Y/N.," in a seductive tone, “what a cute little slut you are.” 

His words make your head spin in an instant. You feel his pace pick up after a few moments, and he glances up towards you for permission to add another digit. You nod your head, telling him, “Please, give it to me. I’ll take it like a good girl.” 

“Fuck.” George says to himself, immediately adding a second finger. 

Your clit twitches from the feeling and you moan again into the open air of the field. His fingers perfectly found ways to curl inside you and bring your entire body jolting with pleasure. Surprisingly, the feeling didn’t hurt as much as you anticipated. You definitely felt a stretch, but the pain felt…really, really good. You start to beg George, “Please, fuck me. I need it so bad. My pussy needs your cock!” 

“FUCK- okay, holy shit…hold on baby, I’ll fuck your tight pussy real good. Just give me one second.” George can’t get over how grave you were to have your hole filled. He pulls his fingers out of your pussy, watching the way you start to clench around nothing. He swears to himself, “Holy shit, Y/N. You are so fucking hot.” 

The compliment makes your stomach explode with butterflies. It wasn’t the prettiest compliment in the world, but it made you want him even more. George was careful to take a position behind the robe and stood up straight. You hardly have time to process his movements before he hurriedly begins to unzip his pants. The effortless removal of his underwear and pants makes the startling exposure of his cock all the more surprising. His member was very thick, or at least thicker than most, you would assume. His length had beads of precum dancing at the tip, and the head of his cock was writhing with desire to already be inside your little hole. 

You gulp loudly, telling him in an anxious voice, “Um, are you sure it’s going to fit?” 

George laughs and nods his head, telling you, “We’ll make it work, trust me. You think you’re ready?”

“I think so, yeah.” You tell him, trying to relax your body as he eases back in between your thighs. The comforting breeze and blades of grass were enough to keep your mind at ease, but your thoughts were quickly shaken from the sensation of George’s member rubbing against your wet clit. It makes you moan at the feeling, trying to rock your hips in time with his movements. He bites his lip as your wet folds smear all over his length, covering the tip just enough to try and push things forward. 

George, with one more reassuring look towards your eyes, takes this moment upon himself to start pushing inside you. Gradually, he started to thrust into your tight entrance, the feeling of your walls squeezing him making him want to release in an instant. George listens closely to your breathy groans of pain and joy as he struggles to go gradually. All you wanted to do was prop yourself on your elbows to observe as he disappeared inch by inch inside of you. However, all you could do instead was writhe in pain and whimper from the feeling of it all, opting to gaze at the clears out of the tree over you instead.

Soon enough, you're clenching around him. The discomfort doesn't seem to go away immediately, or at least not as quickly as you had hoped. When he was fingering you, the pain was barely even there. Now you felt like you were being stretched in the most horrible way. Why did he have to be so big?

While combing your hair out of your face, he takes in your small whimpers with an adoring smile on his face. He shushes you quietly, telling you in a soft and concerned voice, "You're doing great, love. Just tell me when you're ready."  

You nod your head while attempting to contain your emotions. You slouch against the grass and make an effort to hold your breath as you already feel exhausted from the pain alone. As you struggle to take George's cock, your drained thighs lean on his body frame. Then, out of nowhere, you feel a hand on your cheek. His thumb is moving in a calming back and forth motion. He handles your jaw and leans forward, leaving a swift kiss on your lips. You feel like jelly from the feeling, instantly smiling from such a sweet action. He mimics your smile and tells you, “There’s my girl, pretty as ever…fuck, Y/N, you feel like fucking heaven. You’re so fucking tight.” 

You give out a sultry giggle, batting your lashes as you say, “I love your cock inside me. Feels…so good. Wait, George, can you move a little bit? I think I can handle it…”

George nods his head, leaning back so that he can watch his member glide in and out of your small hole. While it did take a few thrusts to truly feel okay, you started to feel pleasure take over the pain. The tip of his cock was nuzzled against your walls in such a way that made you feel every single move. It was blissful, and only left you craving more. 

“Oh-oh, fuck, oh my gosh. George, please fuck me harder.” The words stumble out of your mouth in a hurry. That green light was all George needed to unleash his true power. For a split second, all the rumors you’d heard about him in the past flashed across your mind. Now you know why the girls talked about him….

George starts to slam his cock inside you with a force that leaves you teary-eyed. Your cunt was taking in every inch of the boy with glee, squelching with obscene noises that you had no idea you could ever produce in the first place. George’s hands were resting on your thighs and eventually found their way to the backs of your knees. He uses this opportunity to push your legs towards your chest. This only makes his cock disappear deeper and deeper inside your pussy, leaving both of you moaning in unison together. You both mutter words under your breath or to one another, such as, “Yes, yes, yes, right there, oh my gosh!” 

George looks down at you while thrusting inside at a brutal pace, licking his bottom lip. He soaks in your pathetic whines and the way your breasts keep jumping around from the force of his hips. He leans forward, his hot breath hitting your face as he asks, “You like this fat cock, baby? You like the way I stretch out your pretty pussy?” 

“Yes! Yes, oh my gosh, yes! I love it so much!” You yell, positively lost in pleasure at this point. Your body was melting from the impact of his thrusts. You could feel the way his cock would start to hit this certain part inside you that left you thrashing around.

George’s lips attach themselves to your neck, breathing in your scent and sucking harshly at the sweaty skin. Your head throws back and you let out a guttural moan instantly, clenching even harder around the boy’s member.

While still thrusting inside you, he mumbles against your collarbone, “Fuck, baby, I’m already close. You feel so good.”

“Oh, fuck, need you so bad.” You softly groan, your hands tangling in the fiery red hair on his head. You tug at the strands the harder he hits your soaked hole, stretching you beyond belief. While at one point you were crying from the pain, now you had tears streaking your face from how intense the satisfaction of having his cock deep inside your cunt. 

George was determined to give you a show if that was what you insisted. Watching the way you squirm around his cock, he starts to increase his pace to become even faster than before. You didn't know how it was even humanly possible, but it didn't matter to you. Your head was so high in the clouds, all you could do was give George a dopey smile and beg for more. "Give it to me, George. Need it so fucking bad, please!"

“Aw, well since you asked so nicely.” George says, digging his hands into your hips to drill into your pussy with such force that left you gasping for air. Your entire body jerked back and forth, the grass rubbing against you in a slightly uncomfortable way. You couldn’t bring yourself to even focus on that at this moment though. All that mattered was the way you could feel your core start to tighten. 

You start to moan louder, “Fuck! I’m so close!”

George watches the way your thighs ripple from the force of his hips. Your hole was dripping with wetness onto your legs and his own body, leaving a mark that he wouldn’t forget for the rest of the day. He starts to tell you, “Come for me, baby. Come on my cock.”

That’s all you needed to hear to come undone on the spot. His words were enough to send you over the edge, the coil in your stomach snapping. You arch your back and let out a wonton moan into the air, “Yes! Yes! FUCK!”

Your entire body feels weak, mind fucked out and completely blank. The way his dick continued to ram into your pussy was leaving you breathless, mumbling incoherent words. George admires this, telling you, “Fuck, you’re so hot when you come. What a pretty little slut. Gonna, fuck, you’re gonna make me come!”

Nothing from before can compare to the feeling of George’s cock throbbing inside you. It leaves you whining, begging for him to hurry so that you don’t feel overstimulated. Somehow, the boy knows exactly what you were wordlessly begging for and complies within seconds. George suddenly pulls his cock out of your weeping cunt, jerking himself until he finally releases his seed all over your stomach and breasts. 

The liquid is hot and strange to feel on your naked body, but you loved it anyway. The boy slows down after his load is dumped all over you. He smiles at the mess he has created. A pretty girl laying in the grass outside the school, her body left in ruins from the sheer force of his cock. You gasp for air after George finishes, trying to collect your thoughts in an orderly manner but can’t seem to do so right away.

Did that really just happen? Are you an idiot for letting it happen, too? You just lost your virginity to the school’s biggest player. How on earth were you supposed to move past today as if nothing happened?

George smiles, “You liked that, baby?” 

You sit up, grimacing at the uncomfortable feeling in your lower back. Laying on the grass may not have been such a good idea, after all. You nod your head, “Y-Yeah, actually…I really liked it.” 

“Good,” he tells you, brushing hair out of your face, “we’ll have to do it again sometime soon.” 

Your heart drops at these words. Is that all you were to him? A quick fuck? Damn it, now the regret really was getting to you. Had he been getting this close to you all this time just to have sex and leave? 

The boy starts to get up from his spot in the grass between your legs, throwing his clothes on together in a messy manner. You were beyond thankful you had some tissues in your bag for emergency purposes, quickly grabbing them in order to wipe off…George from your stomach. 

You hate how the two of you got cleaned up together in silence. You were hoping for something, anything to be said. But the boy seemed unusually…quiet. Was this how he was after every single girl he had been with? It was strange. You didn’t really know what to say and opted for silence until he finally said something. Once the both of you were in the proper clothing again, your robe discarded from the tree branch, he hands it to you with a smile. He says, “I’ll definitely be seeing you around, Y/N.”

Your stomach drops at his words. You just nod and sheepishly smile, “Um, yeah, alright. I’ll see you around.” 

George gives you a quick kiss on the cheek, then turns and walks towards the castle as if nothing happened. 

Maybe that’s how you had to view it, too. As if it were nothing. Because that’s all it was to him. 

Nothing more, nothing less. George Weasley used you. 

You didn’t realize tears were streaming down your face until it was too late. 

~

[uravichii]

highschool crush! ₓ ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.

ー bnha boys crushing on you in highschool

character/s: bakugo katsuki, midoriya izuku, kaminari denki

genre: very fluff, (hinted), mutual pining, humor (?)

warnings: mentions of food/eating, (1) curse word, there's like a random scenario in bakugo's part 💀

notes: i was supposed to add shouto, kirishima, and shinsou in this but 😃 that probably would've taken another week and i already feel bad for not posting for 20 days now 😨 so,,

part two!

midoriya izuku, who gets too absorbed in helping you with your homework that he ends up sitting down beside you in one chair, his torso pressed firmly onto yours until your skin feels ablaze. when someone points it out, he jolts up with his face beet-red, and he only stops apologizing and bowing frantically when you start to scoot over, gesturing him to sit down and carry on with the homework in that tiny space you had made for him.

midoriya izuku, who's quick to hold his lunchbox to your direction the instant he catches you eyeing his food. though you understand his intention even when he's talking with his cheeks still stuffed with food, you can't really take him seriously when he looks exactly like: 🐰

midoriya izuku, whose heart flutters when he zooms in on a candid photo of class 1-A and sees you laughing with him on the couch at the very corner of the photo. he doesn't seem to mind the visible pixels, the worsened resolution when he crops the photo, or the fact that half of his face is already cut off from the frameー the clear-cut gleam of your smile easily transcends the photo's shitty quality.

midoriya izuku, who makes a separate album on his phone only for that one photo of you and him in it. he thinks for a moment if you'd find it cheesy if he were to print out that photo and slip it in his confession letter to you (which has been hiding deep in the pocket of his backpack for months now, he's just been rehearsing how to give it to you.)

bakugo katsuki, who shoots brief glances at you when he hears you laughing with your friends, so he too, could catch sight of your smile.

bakugo katsuki, who musters up the courage to check up on you when he sees you slumped down on your desk. when you finally lift your head up, you're instantly met with his searing glare and a calloused palm pressed flat on your forehead, large enough to almost cover your eyes as your cheeks grow hotter than they already were. "oi, do something about that stupid fever, shitty L/N"

bakugo katsuki, who went from slick glances to lingering stares at your now empty chair when you've decided to skip school for the day. his usually-neat and precise notes are now ridiculously detailed and messily scribbled with "reminders" on each pageー "THIS!! REMEMBER THIS, IDIOT." "IMPORTANT. REMEMBER !!!" "PAY ATTENTION, IDIOT-L/N."

bakugo katsuki, who, for one second, smirks and teases you for standing on your tiptoes, struggling to reach a book from a tall shelf. the second after, he's already dashed across the room to you, successfully catching every single book that had toppled over from the top shelf before one could even graze you.

with a click of his tongue, he picks up the book you've been trying to lay hold of and lightly taps it on your head before handing it to you. as he walks away, he mutters over your shoulder, "... careful."

and his voice, for once, sounded low and delicate against your ear, and if you had looked closer, you would've seen the wave of relief easing the edges of the usual scowl on his face.

kaminari denki, who often looks at you after making a joke to the whole class. his heart flutters, and his face beams with a rose flush when he sees you laughing over his jokes, no matter how stupid he knows his jokes can be.

kaminari denki, who hypes you up every chance he gets. even as simple as wearing a tiny hairclip to school, he genuinely thinks you're the prettiest in it, and he'll be loud about it. he'd wear a paper clip on his hair too because "it's cute, and y/n's a trendsetter 🗣‼" and also bc he's just stupid and he wants to make you laugh

kaminari denki, who's absolutely in love with youー when you present something in front of the class, it's the only time he's completely silent. he'd have heart-eyes on you the whole time, occasionally nodding in agreement to what you have to say, and even when you're just reading off a script, he'll rest his chin on his palm and think, "y/n is so smart :))"

kaminari denki, who shamelessly flirts with you everyday with endless compliments and cheesy pick-up lines, but when he decides to confess, he's genuine about it. he'll ask you to meet him in the rooftop after school (no one can really tell whether denki actually thinks it's romantic or if he's just copying off a shoujo manga scene) and under a lighthearted atmosphere blended seamlessly with the sincerity of his words, he finally confesses to you.

[astudyincontrasts]

The Inventor and the Archivist  Chapter 2

Viktor x Fem!Reader (pretty SFW)

Synopsis: Lore faithful, reader insert as an OC university archivist Viktor becomes close with.  Set in a time frame between before he meets Jayce and hopefully wrapping up somewhere just before he starts experimenting with shimmer.  Sexy times ahead in later chapters.

Warnings: injury, hurt/care, shameless flirting, longing, bad language, blood, cuddling, hope you like cats, Viktor to the rescue

Author’s Note:  Working up to NSFW in future parts, don’t worry.  

Ch2. We Were Born Sick, You Heard Them Say It...

It was late Friday afternoon, the end of that same week when it all came tumbling down.  Or, well, at least you did.  Four or five days had apparently been approximately the right amount of time for Viren to stew upon the indignities you had visited upon himself and his friend earlier in the week.  Just the right amount of time to really work up a good grudge about it all.  

It was still daylight out but the shadows had begun to stretch long and darken like bruises against the white marble floors of the library, distorting the patterns the wrought iron filigree of the enormous windows made where they cut across the light.  It was barely the start of your shift, maybe two hours in and you'd been blissfully distracted with the task of resetting the featured works shelves for the new month's coming update.  Friday nights were usually a favorite of yours, because of the looming weekend most student's minds were not on their studies but rather the welcome freedom of the weekend and seeking whatever combination of fun or trouble they could stir up.  It left the library a veritable ghost town, and left you to your work in blissful peace.  

Your arms had been laden with books so high you couldn't see over them, not that you were really watching where you were going anyhow - you could have made your way around the place blindfolded at this point - and you were in too big a rush to get through this task and back down to the archives to unbox a new shipment of old maps and atlases that had just been delivered that morning. A foot thrust itself under your own, catching on your ankles and fouling up what had been your full-speed clip of a walk just as a pair of hands hit your shoulders from behind with a sharp shove.  

 You went sailing.

It all happened so suddenly that to you one second all was right with the world and the very next everything exploded in pain.  What happened?  Where were you?  Why was everything on its side?  All you could do was lay there, while your brain behaved like a steam engine that just couldn't work up enough power to catch gears and start the pistons firing again.  Your fingers flexed against cold marble and suddenly your body caught on to the fact it had the wind knocked out of it.  You could hear raucous, nasty laughter as you coughed and wheezed, your own solar plexus fighting against your burning need to draw air.  A few feet away from the blurry field of your vision Viren crouched down, his head canting as he grinned cruelly at you.  

"Hahahaha dumb fucking sump-rat."  

You gritted your teeth and choked on a groan.  Your teeth hurt.  Your teeth hurt.  There was no blood in your mouth though, no taste of copper, so thankfully you probably hadn't bit your tongue in half or managed to crack any molars.  It was so difficult to take stock of what your fall had done to you, your body refusing to register any pain just yet and your vision blurred ever so slightly at the edges. 

 Clack-clack clack-click clack-clack.

Someone else's feet suddenly took up the majority of your field of vision.  So close they were out of focus slightly.  Feet and the bottom tip of a cane, both half obscuring your view of that asshole Viren where he crouched grinning at you.  No so much though that you didn't clock that grin dissolve as the spoiled, shitty student rose to his full height again, attention refocused on the person standing between him and you now.  Someone else joined Viren, standing behind him with a far more hesitant posture.  You closed your eyes and huffed a breath, trying to get your hands under you and push yourself upright.  Limbs weren't really listening just yet.

"Filthy undercity freaks really flock together huh?" Viren sneered.  Was that a third friend who had joined him or were you seeing double?  Snickering, sycophantic laughter followed his stupid comment from the person or persons beside him.

 "Verbally and physically assaulting University staff?"  Asked the person standing between you and them.  Oh no, you knew that clipped, quiet, calm voice.  Oh no.  "I'm sure that Dean Heimerdinger would like to know of this."

You groaned out a pained noise you hoped adequately expressed how little you wanted any of the University deans drug into this mess.  Those feet in front of you shifted slightly, taking a half a stunted step toward Viren and his flunkies.  The students held their ground.

"Yeah? Who is the professor going to believe?  Trash like you two?"

"Counselor Heimerdinger,"  That familiar voice emphasized, "Is probably going to believe his assistant."

The air in the room soured as the boys seemed to let that sink into the combined four brain cells they probably shared among them.  

"C'mon Viren fuck this."  One of them piped up.

There was a tense silence that was probably punctuated by a rude gesture on the part of the stymied Viren and then the sound of fine soled shoes beating a hasty retreat.  You sucked a breath of the cold air against the marble and managed to push one half of yourself up.  A strong hand closed around your arm just above the elbow, helping steady you and lift.  You came to your feet unsteadily, eyes trained downward.  Red bloody smears on the white marble where your knees had been, another under your head.  You blinked at the brilliant ruby smears, fascinated for some idiotic reason.  Books scattered everywhere.  Again.

Viktor's face swam into view as he bent into your field of vision.  His hand was still gripping your arm firmly.  The pain in your knees was slowly bringing you back to earth.  Everything hurt.  Viktor's dark brows were furrowed in a concern so sincere that suddenly your heart hurt too.

 "Are you alright Miss (y/n)?" He asked quietly.  

All you could manage was to gaze at him dumbly and nod.  Neither of you bought it. You straightened and hissed a breath, wincing, and brought a hand to your forehead.  As your grandfather would have said, you'd got your bell rung. Viktor released his grasp on your arm to brush your hand aside and lift your chin, amber eyes ticking inventory of your ailments.  Your head swam and you found yourself with a grip on the wrist of the hand that held your chin.  You watched as his fingers came away bloody, tips as ruby red as the stains on the floor.

"We should get you to a doctor."  He advised sagely.  Your eyes widened as the first really coherent thought found its grip.

"No.  Nonono.... No doctors."  

Viktor frowned at you, one dark brow arching as if he was weighing making this decision for you if you were obviously incapable of making it yourself.  You squeezed the wrist you still held.  Somewhere in the back of your scrambled brain the fact that you had his skin against your own was blossoming in a warm electric flower.  It was simply struggling to the surface among all the other overwhelming sensations beginning to leak through the fog of your initial shock.

"No doctors."  You reiterated, swallowing hard and blinking to try to clear the blur at the edge of your vision. "Doctors mean questions.  Questions mean deans, mean trouble."

You pleaded with him to understand what you were trying to get out.  You had no such protection as being a counselor's favored assistant.  And you both knew that even together, even with the physical evidence written over you, even if you managed to get those little shits expelled from the school the retaliation one or both of you could face would never be worth it.  Pulling this thread was more likely to unravel all your hard work than it was to serve justice.  Golden eyes ticked over your face for several long, silent moments as you watched him reach understanding, muster an argument, set it aside, gather another one, and think better of it.  To anyone standing outside the silent bubble of the pair of you it would have been fascinating to watch the deep, silent conversation the pair of you were locked in.  Some distant part of your own self marveled at it as well.  You'd never held an entire conversation without saying a word. There was an unspeakable intimacy to it you'd never known.

At last Viktor gave.  He heaved a frustrated sigh and took hold of your arm again, steering you around and pointing you toward the stairwell that led down to your archives.

"Alright.  Can you walk?  Let's get you sorted out."

Your steps were stiff and felt awkward but you could walk, each step making your knees burn like fire.  Your poor books lay scattered out behind you, forgotten as Viktor's warm, steady grip guided you.  It couldn't have been easy shepherding you with his stiff gait, but he managed beautifully, letting you head down the stairs ahead of him, switching to keep a grip upon your shoulder, the weight of his hand a warm comfort against the way you felt your stomach pitch and reel like you were walking the deck of a ship at sea.

Down into the welcoming gloom of your archives you went, Viktor steering you toward the repairs desk.  You stood wobbly, watching him clear space on the desktop before he turned toward you and patted the clean space he'd made on the blotter.  You took his meaning and lurched forward to hoist yourself up and take a seat on the edge of the desk.

"First aid kit?"  He asked, glancing around.  You gestured vaguely toward one of the lower drawers, wondering to yourself if it was dumb luck or incredibly insightful deduction that led him to choose the exact desk you kept those items in.  He sank down in the chair before the desk, set his cane aside and pulled open the drawer, giving you a fascinating view of the top of his dark head and all those messy loose cowlicks and curls.  Your fingers flexed in their grip of the edge of the desk as you fought the fuzzy brained urge to reach forward and sink them into that soft looking mess.  Thankfully he found the kit fairly quickly and the temptation did not have to last too long.  You hastily swapped your attention to your damaged knees as he surfaced from the drawer and set the kit beside you, thumbing its latch open to dig within.

It struck you as you sat there that Viktor had no sensory assaulting scent.  Most of the men in Piltover wore cologne to an insulting degree.  To the point they made your eyes water any time they got within three feet of you and  left a cloud of themselves lingering for at least a quarter hour, uninvited and unwanted.  Viktor just smelled faintly of cinnamon and sandalwood mingled with chalk and coffee tangled against whatever that natural chemistry he just gave off was.  Unobtrusive and addictive.  

"They sure did a number on you."  He observed in that measured, even tone of his, scooting his chair forward.  You jumped slightly as his hand scooped under one of your dangling legs, taking it by the calf and setting your foot on his chair, right between the spread of his thighs as he let them drop open.  What was air?  How did breathing work?  You felt like a absolute idiot as you sat gobsmacked, unable to form solitary words much less string together whole sentences as his hands cupped either side of your calf and smoothed upward.

There were several options of uniform in your closet, different iterations on the same theme, some with trousers some with leggings.  Any of those might have offered you better protection from the kind of injuries you'd sustained.  But no.  Today you were wearing the rather silly but regulation coded University uniform for female staff and students that had a skirt; while your shirt, waistcoat and tie matched the one Viktor wore - but where slim trousers clad his long legs, instead you were relegated to a skirt that hit midthigh just a little higher than you were really comfortable with and stockings that came up to just over your knees.  It was these that Viktor slid his hands up over to carefully grasp the top of the ruined, thin fabric and ever so gingerly and pulled it out away from your skin to peel it down below your kneecap to bare one bloodied knee.  He sucked a tsk off his teeth over it much as he had done the other night over the damaged book and, taking an open bottle of antiseptic, wet a square of gauze.  Scooping one hand into the crook behind your knee he paused to glance up at you.

"This... is going to sting."  He warned you, almost apologetically.  

All you could do was swallow hard and nod slowly.  His pinched brows lifted in the middle as he gazed up at you, hesitating.  You stared back at him in stupefied silence as a dull, magnificent ache was building somewhere deep in your belly.

"You - you are shivering."  He observed, and of course he could feel it.  You hadn't even noticed.  A full body vague trembling was coursing through you in slow waves.  That expressive mouth of his turned down in a brief frown.  

"Shock,"  You offered in a strangled mumble,  "It's shock."

This seemed to satisfy, if not please him, and the pinch of his brows eased slightly.  Shock, of course.  He blinked at you slowly before turning back to your knee, the warm fingers cradled in the crook of it curling in a tender grip that felt like a stroke. It made you want to drop your head back and purr.  The sudden hot burn of the antiseptic was a marvelous tonic to such a silly notion.  You sucked a breath in through your teeth, full body tensing as it bubbled in your wound, frothing and cleansing.  Viktor could have simply wiped over your cuts and been done with it, but no, he dabbed, carefully.  And then wet a second square and went over it again.  

That should have been the worst of it.  But oh no.  No, then the handsome fucker hunched forward a few more inches and blew. Pursed his lips and blew a wash of cool air over the sting, the soft caress of it traveling right up your thigh and under your skirt.  

Your jaw dropped and grip tightened on the desk so hard you could feel the brown paper of the blotter you sat on crinkle and tear under the palms of your hand.  Something dangerously close to a quiet, mewling noise slid out of your throat, and that bastard didn't seem to take note of any of the torment he was inflicting on you at all, already lowering your one leg and scooping up the other, placing your foot once more in a place that seemed incredibly trusting of a man.  Your grandmother had always said that your problem was you'd sooner kick a guy in the dick than let him kiss you... and that she had great sympathy for the one you might meet who'd finally have it the other way around.  

Instead of starting from your calf up, this time Viktor reached higher, hand closing around your lower thigh above the knee and pushing the hem of your skirt up a bit, out of the way, before he peeled the tacky adhesive band of your stocking off your skin and rolled it down, so careful over the open wound. He let the silk of it puddle over your boot that came up mid-calf.  

Again the searing burn and tender little dabs, this time you watched his ribcage expand as he drew a breath before blowing it over your burning knee.  Even with the foresight of what was coming you still couldn't repress a warm shudder and this time he did glance up at you.  Did his thumb caress the very outside of the crook of your bent knee?  It was hard to focus when that gaze was swallowing up perception like a greedy golden ocean.  You were dimly aware of the fact you were nearly ready to bite through your own bottom lip, caught between your teeth as it had become.

He smiled and you swore it was almost a shy thing, crooked and cursedly charming.  Heat flooded your face, then doubled down in its heart-pounding rush when he picked up another square of gauze and lifted himself from his seat to lean forward.  Was he...was he going to?  Your eyes closed automatically and you felt your shoulders tense up to damn near around your ears as you braced yourself for a kiss.  Instead a warm finger crooked under your jaw and a white spike of pain caused you to gasp a curse as the antiseptic sizzled at the cut on your skinned chin.  A few more dabs and then he drew the damp cloth down along your throat slowly, wiping away the trails of drying blood that had trickled down toward your collar.

"There."  

When you opened your eyes he had backed up a bit, but still stood somewhat between your open knees, and was gathering the used gauze, only to rock to one side and dispose of them in the rubbish.  His mouth was pressed into some kind of bemused, nearly repressed grin that you did not like the look of in the least.  Had he known you thought he was coming in for a kiss?  Surely not.  But the sinking in your flip-flopping stomach said otherwise.  Viktor recovered his cane and leaned upon it heavily, heaving a long and silent sigh of a breath as he looked over the mess of you. "I think you have a concussion."  He admitted at last, dark brows lifting slightly.  "You should really see a doctor."

"No." You reiterated firmly.  Sounding way more confident in your ability to overcome a head injury through sheer stubborn willpower than you actually felt.  Viktor's mouth flattened and tightened in frustrated resignation.

"Well?  What do you want to do then?  You cannot just stay here."  

Why did he have to be so damn pragmatic and logical?  The fact that he was right didn't make him helpful.  Neither did the fact he reached forward to cup one of your cheeks and carefully thumb your lower eyelid down as his attention flickered back and forth critically between both of your pupils.  Your stomach convulsed into three separate knots at the cradle of his warm palm, and the most sarcastically hateful part of yourself whispered that if you threw up on him then at last he'd probably definitely go away.

Instead you felt your head give a heavy, slight sway to nestle tighter into that cupping palm, entirely without your leave.  Nothing was obeying you today and it was becoming steadily more distressing.  What do you want to do then?  He'd asked.

"Go home.  Sleep."  Good, great.  You were sounding super with it.  Very much your usual loquacious self and not at all like some addled Neanderthal.

 Mercifully Viktor nodded in agreement and dropped his hand from your cheek to your shoulder before removing it entirely to offer it palm up as assistance off the desk.  You eyed it with all the longing suspicion a hypnotized mouse might give to a fully hooded cobra.  And then placed your own hand in its trap.  Long fingers closed over your own and that terrible, irrepressible shiver kicked back up as you slid off the desk onto unsteady feet.  Why wouldn't the world stop bobbing and tilting?  Irritation was quickly flooding in to take the place of confusion, making you feel prickly.  

 You headed straight for your main desk, or at least you thought it was straight.  From Viktor's perspective you were punch drunk on your feet, weaving like a prizefighter.  You gathered your bag and slung it over your shoulder and made it halfway up the stairs before realizing you'd never let go of his hand.

  Unconscious of observation you picked up the link between the two of you and gazed at it through critically narrowed eyes before deciding you'd allow it.  A half a step behind your pace you couldn't see the dryly amused smile that broke over Viktor's angular features.

 Up in the library a pair of the librarians on duty were gathering up the books that had fallen with you.  Both of them stopped dead at the sight of you, battered and bloody, disheveled and... holding the hand of some strange young man.  They both looked like they'd seen the dead come back to life.  At your side Viktor cleared his throat.

"The Archivist has had an...accident."  He chose his words carefully, that deliberate and calm voice broking no questions.  "She cannot stay tonight."

Both the librarians nodded in slow unison in a stunned way that made a silly smile spill over your battered face and you felt a giggle bubble up, brush against your ribcage, tickle your throat.  Viktor smiled apologetically at the librarians and released your hand to take you again by the upper arm and steer you safely out of the grand doors of the library before you could make a more massive fool of yourself.  You swore you could feel him shake with a slight silent laughter once you were out in the hallways.

"You certainly keep your staff in awe, Miss Archivist."  He remarked in amusement.

"Mmn."  You agreed and lifted a hand to cover one of your eyes, sure that it would be easier to focus and cut down on the slight double vision if you could just cut one of your ocular receptors out of the equation, fully forgetting you had something called eyelids that could close.  "What's a concussion?"

You'd heard of them, you were sure, but just at the moment summoning forth knowledge wasn't your forte.

 "Ah.  It's rather like a bruise on the brain."  Viktor explained patiently, "It can be caused by a hit or a fall.  You don't even have to hit your head!  If you are moving at speed and stop suddenly - boom.  Inertia!"  

He exclaimed that last word excitedly, thrilled by it and all its implications in the way only a scientist could be. You could practically hear that great big brain of his scribbling equations in chalk on an already sloppily full chalkboard; graphs and charts and x = (y/n's) brain contusion.  His hand slid from above your elbow and down your arm.  There was a moment his fingers brushed your palm and you thought he'd take your hand again but instead they fell away.  You soldiered on.  Your dorm wasn't far.  Soon enough you were leaning heavily against the doorframe and fumbling at the keys that dangled from the fine chain at the front of your vest.  You got them free from the buttonhook that held them and peered blearily at the mess before locating the right one.  Grasping it between thumb and forefinger you held it up and cheered.  

Elegant fingers closed over it and your focus swam from the key to Viktor's bemused expression as he put the key in your lock and turned it, then returned the keys to your buttonhook.  You frowned.

"I coulda."

"I have no doubt."  He reassured you, turning the doorknob and pushing the door open for you.  "After you, (y/n)."

Your eyes narrowed as you wobbled against the door and those expressive brows of his rose.  Something deliciously close to panic rose behind amber eyes and you felt self-satisfied enough it practically rumbled in your chest.  Upper hand, yes!

"You - you cannot be alone."  He insisted, clearing his throat as his voice hitched a notch over alone. He was desperate to convey there was nothing untoward in his inviting himself in and it was delicious to be on the opposing end of all this messy fumbling.  At last.  You lifted your skinned chin haughtily and slid a hand out along the door that opened into your room, arm outstretched. It felt like a power move but realistically it was keeping you from wobbling.

Viktor recovered nicely, more nicely than you appreciated really, dark brows lowering slightly as he settled into what you were quickly coming to recognize as his 'allow my facts to ruin your world' expression; slightly weary of the world's absolute bullshit and slightly preachy, hoping the world could be saved from its bullshittery.  It was endearing. Especially when his eyes fixed on some imaginary spot mid-ceiling before closing while speaking as they did now, like he was reciting from rote.

 "If you fall asleep and suffer a hemorrhage with no one here to check on you, you will surely suffer extensive and irreversible brain damage."

 You cocked a brow.

"Extensive.  And irreversible?" You repeated, canting your head in what you hoped was a cannily dry fashion and not just a punch-drunk list.

Viktor nodded sagely.  You shrugged and the hand you had pressed to your door instead gestured for him to come inside, make himself at home.

"Then after you, Viktor."

One corner of his mouth hitched upward involuntarily as he met your gaze before heading within and you realized like a fist to the gut it was the first time you'd said his name out loud.

You followed him in, shut the door and habitually threw the lock behind you.  Your rooms were not much; freshman accommodations meant for two but occupied by only you.  It took a pretty chunk out of your paycheck but it was better than commuting.  One room acting as bedroom and living room combined with what one could very generously call a tiny galley kitchen jutting off one edge and a bathroom beside it.  Enough space for a bed, big comfortable chair, desk, and personal bookshelf.  

And Lucy.  Your fat grey cat stood up from where she was holding court on your bed with its long side pushed against one wall and its headboard tucked into a corner beneath your one solitary window and arched her back before hopping down to meow a greeting.  Viktor froze as she sauntered over to him without even so much as a glance up and rubbed against his legs, walking unabashedly over his feet as she wove figure eights between his thin legs.

"Lucy, Viktor.  Viktor, Lucy."  You introduced them as you tugged your keychain loose and tossed it onto the small table beside the door before dropping your bag on the floor.

Viktor's free hand hovered midair around his waist as he watched your cat rub its cheeks against his cane, clearly claiming it as her own. One cheek one side, one cheek the other until she was satisfied it held enough of her scent no one was going to challenge her on this front.  Then she sat down, stared straight up and him and meowed imperiously.  It was time for pettings.  Present thy offerings, oh peasant.  

"I... I did not know University staff were allowed to keep pets." Viktor remarked in surprise as he stooped to grace Lucy's head with some very welcome strokes. Except for the deans, of course.  Everyone knew Heimerdinger had that little pouf that followed him everywhere, nearly as charming as its wily master.

"They aren't."  You confirmed, lifting a finger to your lips and winking in what you were certain was a very cheeky way that had both Viktor's eyebrows making for his hairline like they were beating a hot retreat.  You laughed unabashedly at it and he broke into a grin.  How sweet to share a secret not so serious.  Lucy purred like a revving engine and pushed the arch of her back under his willing hand.  You didn't half envy her boldness.

 Making your way for the bed you sank down upon it's edge heavily with a reflexive huff of breath.  Gazing down at yourself you groaned softly.  What a mess.  Boots came off first, followed by the ruined stockings that were only loosely clinging to your lower legs.  Then tie, and vest button by button.  Lucy hopped up on the bed with you and rubbed herself against your arm as you undid the cuffs of your shirt.  You bobbled and managed to lean over to kiss her head.  Then you jerked your shirt out of your skirt and  started on the buttons clumsily.  It was only halfway through this that you realized Viktor was standing with his back to you, straight as a soldier, both hands on his cane, giving the line where your ceiling met wall an incredibly thorough examination.  

It felt a little bit powerful in your muddled state, to strip while he had to save his blessed chastity with his back turned. You rose and yanked your shirt off to fling it down at your feet like an argument.  You watched his head half turn and one brow arch as he wagered a half a glance then snapped attention back to the fascinating ceiling as you unzipped your skirt and stepped out of it.  It left you in your thin, white silk chemise that hit loosely at mid-hip and black panties.  Underwear you realized blearily that bared a fair amount of cheek.  It wasn't lacy or overtly provocative, just... well.  You could recognize that the chemise was low cut enough to offer a generous view of your cleavage with its thin straps that met in a V back in between your shoulder blades.  And that underwear... it suddenly occurred to you that perhaps your skirt hadn't done you any favors when you'd landed on your stomach on the marble floor.  Fuck, had he seen half your entire ass as you lay there sputtering and wheezing and bleeding?

Suddenly the upper hand didn't feel quite so upper any more.  You tugged the covers of your bed back and  climbed in, tugging sheets and comforter up to your chin as you huddled back into your habitual nest of pillows.  Viktor chanced another glance over his shoulder before turning around with his slight hobble.  He couldn't seem to bring himself to meet your gaze, wide eyed and internally panicked as it was.  He managed to keep his attention fixed on some random point on the floor before your bed and cleared his throat awkwardly.  

"Could you feed Lucy?"  You asked meekly, as if meekness were a thing suddenly in your repertoire.  Apparently it was.  He nodded and headed for the kitchenette. You offered no instruction, silently pulling the comforter up under your nose, but he found what was needed with minimal issue and soon Lucy was crunching away happily at her food dish and there was the weight of him settling on the edge of the bed, something cold brushing the backs of your fingers.

"Drink."  He half ordered, half requested. It was a cold glass of water he offered.  You accepted it gratefully and hoisted yourself on one elbow to sip then swallow then chug it back hard.  A pleased sigh escaped you when you finally surfaced for breath, opening eyes you hadn't realized you had closed.  He was watching you in that insufferable, adorable amusement and you could feel it like a kick in the chest.  But that sweet, sweet water had felt so good against a throat you had no idea had been so parched.  You handed him the glass.

"More?"

 He obliged without argument, returning in no time at all.  This time you kept it to slow sipping swallows, only finishing half before handing it back and letting your head fall against the pillows lazily, smiling up at him as a heaviness tugged at eyelids and the sensation of sinking down, down, down took hold of every aching bit of you.  You could dully hear him set the glass on your bedside table and feel the warm hand that smoothed slowly over your forehead and messy hair, over the curve of your head.

"I'll have to wake you."  He was explaining, "Every so often.  Until morning.  You understand.  To make sure you are alright."

You were already swimming dark waters; the dim light of your room, lit by the pinkish-purple glow of silk ensconced low lights faded into sweet black surrender. You could hear yourself mumbling but had no idea what.  Viktor's voice fading and the welcoming embrace of sleep cradling you like the loving arms of dark kelp in a swaying sea.  You'd float to land when you finished drowning.

It was 11:00 when he first roused you and you woke like a boxer who had smelling salts shoved under her nose; up and out of it and ready to fucking go.  Lucy leapt off your bed at your sudden uprightness with an displeased mrow.

You even brought your fists up under your chin and weaved a bit.  Bring it, motherfuckers.

 Viktor patiently pushed each of your fists aside and you realized where you were and what was going on.  A bright blue light invaded your consciousness as he used some kind of small flashlight he'd had to check your pupils and see if either were blown out.  Satisfied with what he found, the light vanished and you could feel a gentle pressure on the side of your shoulder, urging you back into the open arms of sleep.  You fell like you were losing the ninth round.

The second time was 12:00.  You could hear the end of the chimes in the great clock at the end of the hall outside your door.  Bong bong bong bong.... This time you were far less aggressive as the hand on your shoulder shook you awake.  You simply opened your eyes and stared unfocused into the void of the mussy haired man hovering over you.  Blue light, thumbs over each eyelid lifting them gently, then sleep closing in again, Lucy's weight heavy tucked into the crook of your leg.

The third time must have been 2:00.  This time the second bong of the clock roused you itself and you fumbled into twilight wakefulness with an incoherent noise, hoisting your head half off the pillow to glance around the room.  Viktor was seated at your desk with Lucy lounging in his lap as he was deep into one of your books.  His hand rested on her back between turning pages.  The chime of the clock and the sound of your bedsheets rustling seemed to rouse him.

Dark bruising shadows had begun to gather under his eyes but he still offered up the sweet rush of a smile as he turned to look over his shoulder at you.  Lucy stirred and grudgingly hopped down as he set your book on the desk and found his cane to take the five steps over to you.  This was a dream.  A sweet one, your imagination working full overtime with benefits and you were not about to question it.  You reached out to meet his hand and took hold of his wrist.  God, it was sweet how your imagination made him look so shocked.  You smiled beguilingly and fell back against the pillows.

" 'S so late."  What an argument you had prepared.  "Come sleep."  

Legal councilors wished they had such airtight cases.

 Eyelids felt intensely heavy as the sweet dream kept you in its grasp. Viktor in your bedroom, looking so delightfully confused as you hauled him inexorably into bed with you.  It was so vivid you could actually feel it when his weight hit the bed beside you.  You shimmied covers down, baring the way your chemise had not held up its end of the modesty bargain against its thin straps and offered him an in to the warm cocoon of the sheets.  You swore you even heard the cane hit the floor.  This dream was killing it.  

Warm weight pushed down the mattress under you, beside you.  Lean arms unsure of where to go.  You hummed and grabbed fistfuls of shirt, vest.  The tie had to go.  It was a weak fumble then it slipped into the abyss that existed off the edge of the bed.  Nothing here but here.  Fingers found buttons at random.  A heart hammered against the flat of your hands.  You sunk your face into the sweet heat of his collarbone.  Why was that heartbeat so erratic?  Was that you?  Skin tasted like salt sweat and sweet and suddenly you realized why the confectioners in Piltover insisted on dusting their caramel with flakes of sea salt.  

Hands found your face and insisted you stop.  You let them tug you back tiredly, letting thumbs lift lids over your unseeing eyes as you muttered inviting nonsense in your family’s mother tongue.  Only after each sleep blinded eye was checked and cleared against a blown out pupil did your head rock forward again and you felt arms close around you.  Off you drifted again, cuddling forward against the wonderful dream that curled long limbed around you.

Chapter 3

[black-mesa-slut-voice]

YOUR BEGINNER’S GUIDE TO CLASSIC HEADCRAB DOMESTICATION

Click below to start reading this comprehensive document!

Note: All of this is written purely for fun by an aspiring zoologist who simply loves genetics and speculative biology! This is only mildly inspired by source material, and isn’t completely indicative of canon. A lot of these things are just speculative or made up for fun!

If you want to use any of this information for your own headcanons, OCs, or fanart, you are 100% welcome to use it, though I would like to be credited!

If you would like to see more things based on these headcanons, ocs, or simply more things or art I’ve done on this subject, check out my #headcrabguide tag on my blog!

HISTORY

In the wake of the 7 hour war and the proceeding Combine invasion, there was a large amount of casualties. However, not all of these casualties were humans. Animals took a lot of hits as well, and in the remaining 20 years before liberation, the resulting environmental tolls as well as continued extermination caused this sixth mass extinction- arguably just as bad or worse than the meteorite that killed the dinosaurs. Nearly 75% of land animals and over 68% of marine animals went extinct in this time frame. 

The most notable toll was on human-domesticated animals. Because of the Combine influence, any animal that was reliant on human care was almost immediately wiped out, both purposefully and inadvertently as humans were no longer available to care for them. All livestock species and most pet species were completely eliminated, leaving humans with few, if no animal companions.

Humans, however, are a very social species, and are naturals at befriending things that are arguably dangerous. Wolves, cats, and even less common creatures such as foxes, snakes, and spiders were kept and tamed and bred for companionship and work despite their danger. When the Combine forces were driven off and humans were once again allowed to practice the art of domestication, they were left with very few options. Some birds, a few select felines, insects, and alien species were nearly all they had to work with. 

And so, work they did. 

Headcrabs, despite their use as a weapon by the Combine, were one of the first alien species to actually be domesticated. It is theorized that this is because a number of factors- first is that the one of the leading rebellion leaders, Dr. Isaac Kleiner, actually possessed one name “Lamarr”, putting the idea in many people’s heads that they could be tamed and kept. The second was their abundance. They were easy to find and acquire, and despite their danger, could easily be captured. Third, they are very easy to selectively breed and mass produce. Lastly, it was quickly discovered that headcrabs are much more intelligent and social than previously anticipated. 

In the wild of their home planet, Xen, headcrabs actually had a very complex social system and niche. They formed large groups- called casts- that staked out swathes of territory. The leader of the group was called a gonarch. The gonarch was a large, heavily mutated headcrab that was the sole reproducer, similar to that of queen bees or ants. Though it was large, fast, and capable of defending itself, it lost it’s ability to easily feed itself, as it’s mouth became much smaller to make room for the reproductive sac. 

Because of that, the rest of the cast was tasked with hunting and feeding the gonarch in exchange for protection and reproduction. The smaller, albeit still mature headcrabs would go out, and attempt to hunt down anything it could- smaller things were eaten or fed to the gonarch, and larger things that had the right shaped heads could be ‘coupled’ with, fusing the headcrab to it’s host and creating a gonome. Though gonomes were more powerful and capable of hunting larger prey and defending the rest of the cast, in turn, they lost their ability to reproduce. Thus, most casts had one gonarch, several gonomes, and many crabs.

Gonomes could come in any species that was large enough for a headcrab to couple with- and is perhaps why headcrabs were actually so easy to tame. With the right social encouragement, a headcrab can easily recognize humans and other larger creatures as being part of their cast, and regard them in the same way they would a gonome- with social respect and friendliness. 

With a few generations of selective breeding, headcrabs quickly became much more docile due to their natural instinct of accepting oddly-shaped creatures as part of their cast.

CARE AND HANDLING

Despite the generations of breeding leading to a much more friendly, domesticated headcrab, care must still be exercised with them in regards to handling. They are very similar to cats in the fact that, despite their domestication, they can still be wild at nature and will often hunt smaller creatures, and are capable of harming someone if provoked. 

Also similar to cats are their sense of community. Like mentioned, headcrabs can be trained and raised to see certain people- usually a household- as part of their cast. However, this presents a problem with strangers entering their ‘territory’. If not properly socialized, headcrabs can be quite aggressive to anyone they don’t recognize as part of their cast. This is beneficial for those who don’t expect anyone, or want a ‘guard dog’ type of pet- but can be detrimental to those who have friends or family that may come to visit. 

Though headcrabs lack eyes, they are not completely blind. They have subdermal eyes located near the base of their front legs, which can detect lights and shapes. That, combined with their ability to ‘taste’ the air with specialized glands, are how they recognize others and their environment. 

If you plan on having someone visit, it may be best to have something that smells like the visitor on hand for a few weeks beforehand, so your headcrab can become used to their scent. 

For headcrabs that don’t mind activity, you can also take your headcrabs on walks or trips into public to get them accustomed to having strange scents and people around them, leading them to be less aggressive, even at home. Of course, it is always a good idea to have proper restraint for any flighty, aggressive, or even headcrabs that have never been socialized in public before. 

Another good way to prevent injury is physical modification. For headcrabs that simply are rowdy or aggressive- or even just as a precaution for the most well behaved crab- there are several things you can do to prevent injury.

When headcrabs first started being tamed, the most common method of modification was ‘debeaking’. Despite it’s name, it’s actually a misnomer, as headcrabs don’t have beaks, only radial rings and fangs. ‘Debeaking’ was the process of removing all 18 fangs on the underside of the crab surgically, usually when young. This prevents them from growing back and completely eliminates the risk of being bitten.

However, this practice was quickly upturned under the argument of it being inhumane. While the headcrab often doesn’t suffer because of this, as their fangs are only used for gripping prey and not eating it- if done incorrectly, it can be painful in the long run.

One of the slightly more common methods are ‘fang caps’. Similar to claw caps for cats, fang caps are a small, plastic cap that can be fitted over the fangs of a headcrab. With a small amount of specialty glue, they become long-lasting solutions for injury prevention with no physical harm to your crab. Despite the seemingly perfect upsides, there are also precautions you must take. It is possible for a fang cap to become loose or fall off either through being applied incorrectly or simply from wear and tear. Thus, you must always monitor the state of the caps to ensure there are no accidents.

The third option, and the least used, is clipping. Though it does not remove the whole fang, clipping refers to filing down/clipping each fang individually so it’s not sharp. However, this is generally not only difficult, but it’s actually uncomfortable for the crab, and they can grow back fairly quickly.

For headcrabs that are properly either defanged or capped, there is little to no risk of being bitten. If a properly cared for headcrab does attack or try to mount your head, it can simply be pulled off, as there’s nothing allowing it to grip onto it’s ‘prey’.

However, you must still be mindful of the long, sharp front claws. Unlike the fangs, these do not have nerves until very deep in- and thus, can be slightly trimmed and filed with no discomfort on your crab’s end. 

FEEDING

Headcrabs- despite their predatory nature- are not only social, but omnivores as well. This fact comes as a surprise to some people who look at them and compare them to things such as spiders. 

Indeed, though a headcrab is most definitely a predator, they’re more opportunistic than anything. They will often eat nearly anything they wander across, including small creatures, decaying corpses, fruits, fungi, algaes and lichens, and very occasionally some vegetables and leafy matter. 

Most of what they eat is less dependent on taste, and more of their actual physical ability to eat it. Because of their hyper specialized mouthparts, they are unable to chew. Instead, they scrape at the soft parts of whatever is fitted into their mouth with a specialized, rough ring around the inner mouth fitted with a bunch of extremely small ‘teeth’, similar to that of a lamprey. Thus, they can only eat what they can scrape off with that, and cannot chew bones or anything hard or with too much roughage. It’s non uncommon to see a headcrab take something into it’s mouth, such as a small bone or rock covered in lichen- ‘suck’ it clean, and spit it back out. 

Thus, headcrabs can be fed nearly anything that they can fit into their mouth. Of course, that is within reason- it’s always good to look up what is or isn’t toxic to your crab, as well as feed them specialty diets to make sure they get all of the proper nutrients they need without over or underfeeding.

The most common way to feed is with commercial ‘crabcakes’- rounded nutrient blocks resembling a large piece of kibble, that comes in several sizes to fit in any crab’s mouth. Once given, a headcrab will take about a few hours to eat it, and don’t need to be fed again for another few days, or up to a week, depending on activity and how many supplemental treats are given in between. Though it’s perfectly fine to feed them only cakes or only prepared food, the most enriching and balanced option is feeding the cakes once a week, with smaller, daily ‘treats’ of different varieties being given. 

Some of these treats can include:

Pieces of meat (any type, cooked or raw)

Small, whole prey (commercially prepared mice or chicks)

Whole or sliced fruits (apple, pear, etc)

Tubers (potato, sweet potato, carrot)

Hard vegetables / stalks (chopped celery, broccoli, etc)

Mushrooms (anything edible by humans is edible for your crab)

As a special treat, sometimes you can replace a cake with a large ‘prey’ item that would also take several hours to eat. Some examples are:

Large whole prey (Whole birds, large chunks of meat, antlion grubs, etc) 

Large fruits (Melons of any type are a favorite)

Large vegetables (heads of cabbage, heads of broccoli, etc)

Of course, any meat-based items are going to be chosen over non-meat items if offered.

BREEDING

Breeding headcrabs, unlike many other creatures, is generally not something that can be done unless you are a committed hobbyist. Namely because normal headcrabs- even if they are mature- are incapable of breeding whatsoever. The only type of headcrab that can reproduce are the gonarch, the heads of the cast. All headcrabs are biologically ‘male’ until they transform into a gonarch, or lost reproductive organs entirely as a gonome.

Originally a gonarch was produced when there simply wasn’t a gonarch in the group. The largest, strongest individual would then begin to grow and mutate, similar to how many fishes can mutate into a larger or opposite gender if needed. 

However, this ability was removed from the headcrab- along with the ability to create proper gonomes- by the combine when they were being used as weapons. Though headcrabs were efficient at taking care of humans, anything larger and more dangerous threated to get out of hand; the combine didn’t want them reproducing out of control and becoming another threat. Incidentally, this is also when their eyes became subdermal as part of a side effect of gene altering.

Because of this, there are only two ways to breed a headcrab. One, and the most common, is to create an artificial gonarch sack. Blueprints were taken from the combine after their defeat that allowed humans to replicate the same technology that allowed them to mass-produce them before. 

Artificial gonarch sacs are similar to ‘ghosts hearts’ where they are pseudo-biological, and accept any DNA put into it. Thus, you can insert DNA from any crab to become the ‘gonarch’ or ‘female’ DNA, and either get the smaller male to ‘mount’ the artificial gonarch in a specialized area, or do the male portion artificially as well.

The artificial womb also lets you control how many offspring are produced, as normally a gonarch can produce hundreds of crabs from each successful mating- too many, often, to properly take care of.

Much less common is the artificial transformation of a true gonarch. 

Any headcrab can be stimulated to turn into a gonarch with the injection of artificial hormones that trigger the process. It will then take a few weeks to a few months for the crab to transform.

However, this is not recommended for a number of reasons. 

First, they are large. They need much more than a house for their territory- they often need several acres, and if it’s deemed unsuitable for a nest, she will refuse to breed and become agitated. 

Second, they are very territorial, aggressive, and dominant. If you were a gonome to them before, you still are- which means, in headcrab ranks, she is now above you, socially. Even the most docile crab becomes an aggressive, protective creature who will defend her young and territory with her life. Combine that with their massive size, they are extremely dangerous, even to a professional. 

Third, it is very hard to regulate the exact breeding. She will only accept other headcrabs from her cast, and if she deems them unfit, will promptly kill them. And even once they are bred, they can produce several hundred offspring- of which it is very hard to take care of, and even harder to take away from her due to her protective nature. 

Lastly, she cannot feed by herself. She requires being fed specialized food through specialized apparatus- and a lot of it. 

It’s expensive, costly, and overall dangerous. Thus, artificial gonarch sacs are generally the go-to. 

COLORS AND PATTERNS

Just like with previous animals that were domesticated, such as cats, dogs, and goldfish, after a few generations of breeding they began to exhibit unique colors and patterns. After enough time, unique, recognized colors, coats, and even breeds came to be official recognized. 

It was made even easier because breeding for exact genes was made simple by means of artificial sacs. Thus, headcrabs come in a vast array of colors and patterns, some even unique to certain subspecies.

The most common colors are pale, albeit warm shades of tans, yellows, and browns. In more rare cases, they can take a more green, purple, or red tint. 

Tan, ash, sand, and flaxen were the first recognized distinct colors that were bred onto headcrabs. Chocolate and umber quickly arose from the original tan, with rose following not far behind. When rose was cross-bred back with umber, it resulted in lilac.

Golden arose when sand crabs were bred for vibrancy, and sorrel was the result of a cross of golden and umber. 

Flaxen gave way to wheat, and then swamp when bred for the cooler, greenish mutation. 

Patterns, too, were something that quickly came about, not long after the first distinct colors began to be recognized. 

The first patterns that arose were speckled, striped, and Siamese (named after the similar patterned cat).

Fawned came from a recessive mutation that reversed the pigment cells that caused the spotting pattern on speckled crabs, making them appear lighter instead of darker. Pearled arose when it was cross-bred back with speckled- which usually resulted in speckled, but sometimes in pearled. Because fawned is recessive, the only way to get fawned is to breed with another fawned or a pearled. Breeding a fawned and a speckled results in only speckled or pearled.

Snowshoe, similarly, rose from the same recessive mutation, though this time with Siamese. Similar rules apply; though an ‘in between’ similar to pearled does not exist, as they simply neutral each other out. 

Capped rose from Siamese, though it looks similar to bullseye. Bullseye actually came from a very hyper specific mutation of smoked, and is one of the most rare patterns, much moreso than capped or smoked.

Striped crabs are what were bred into both smoke and ticked- with smoke being an increased level of pigment, and ticked being a decreased level. 

Marbled is another very rare pattern with dubious origins. Some say it’s a standalone mutation, though others say it originated with smoke, bullseye, and even speckled. However, none of these are confirmed.

Of course, all of the patterns and colors on the charts above are not every single example- there are many more sub-variations of colors and patterns of each type, these are just the main, conformed and recognized ones. They also don’t include any non-recognized crossbreeds or mixes of colors or patterns that aren’t an established record.

UNIQUE BREEDS

Even moreso than recognized colors and patterns are unique breeds of crabs. Though, again, not even breed pictured above are all of them, these are just some of the more noteworthy examples. 

Truthfully, nearly all crabs are going to be your standard breed, and not one of the ones pictured. Unless it is either obvious or has had a genetics test, it is safe to assume your crab is a standard.

Two of the most recognized sub-species are the racer and the false poison. These were both bred to be inspired by the combine-created species, the “fast” headcrab and the poison headcrab. Their target audience both began for people who liked them in theory or as an aesthetic, but lacked the funds, ability, or want to deal with the much more dangerous and aggressive ‘true’ versions.

Because they were intended for war, fast headcrabs and poison headcrabs lack almost all social aspects that standards do, are much more aggressive, flighty, wild, and dangerous. Not to mention to potent neurotoxin than poison headcrabs excrete, and the vicious teeth of fast headcrabs. Nowadays theyre both often bred for show or work, but we aren’t focused on them here, simply the standard crab.

Pancakes are some of the harder to recognized subspecies, due to their generally unassuming appearance. They’re named so because they’re typically ‘flatter’ than the normal headcrab, tend to range in the golden-sandy color range, and are described as being ‘soft and sweet’. True to that, that is the original purpose that pancakes were bred for- they’re small, lazy, hyper-friendly headcrabs that almost never attempt to show any signs of aggression unless severely pushed. They’re great for households with kids, or simply people who want a slightly less high-maintenance crab.

They can come in nearly any pattern and color, but again, tend to be in the warm, golden-yellow tone range.

Hunchbacks are a much more narrow breed, since it's recessive, and tend to be not as desirable for no other fact than their appearance. Still, that are amazingly unique. Because of the rarer, recessive nature, they generally only swamp/wheat/greenish colors, and only come in a narrower range of patterns, including speckled, smoked, striped, ticked, and marbled. Though, because of the fact that speckled exist, pearled and fawned theoretically could too- there’s simply yet to be documented evidence of a successful fawned mutation.

Nubbed is another breed caused by a rare mutation that has been successfully bred into a small population. It’s very easy to spot because of it; the mutation clearly causing their front claws to be short, or ‘nubbed’. Nubbed can come in any color or pattern, though they tend to follow the standard/less extreme patterns and colors. This is because it was because of a mutation that actually happened really early in domestication, before a lot of colors or patterns were even bred, and is a recessive mutation making it hard to breed with rarer colors and patterns. 

Saddlehorns are an extremly unique and very specialized breed. They’re definitely recognizable by their concave back and the nub near the base of their front claws. They also have a pattern that's unique to only saddlehorns- which is the 'cow spotted' pattern. However, it isn’t just random spots. Though they do have large splotches, they always have a band going around their middle as well. They can come in any pale color, and the markings are usually in the brown to dark, almost black range.

Bunin or “Bubbleheads” are actually a relative of hunchbacks, and not saddlehorns, despite the head similarity. They tend to follow the same rules as hunchbacks, but instead of greenish tones, they come in golds, yellows and warm-orange tones. There has also been confirmed cases of fawned and pearled bubbleheads.

Volkov are a common, albeit specific breed that's bred for it's ferocity, but also it's loyalty. They’re often easy to mistake for a standard, and combined with their relative commonality make them hard to identify to the untrained eye. They appear like standard headcrabs, except they have a slight hunch to them. Their real difference lies in the personality. 

As mentioned, they’re loyal and very attentive to the rest of their cast, but have a ferocity and sharp hunting ability that comes with it’s protectiveness. They’re often used as pest control or ‘guard dogs’.  This makes them suitable for those jobs, but poor choices for people who live in high population areas or have lots of visitors. 

They generally come in browns and blacks, but can truthfully come in any color. They can come in MOST patterns- all but smoked and bullseye.

Batas are another weird breed with a unique patterns, which is the squiggly markings centralized on their rump. They only really come in variations of the color pictured, golds, flaxens, and sandy. Similar to pancakes, they're known for being very complacent with handling, making them good for those with kids or for shows, where the more prominent the markings the better they judge. The difference is the fact that the whole breed itself is prone to many health problems, as it’s very recessive and commonly inbred. Purebreds are pretty expensive.

Silkies or “thinskins” are a breed that came from a mutation that caused their skin to be extremely thin. They're questionable morally to keep, since they're prone to getting wounded very easily, even by their own fangs and claws. Because of this, they have to be debeaked and/or declawed, or must have fang caps at all times and their front claws filed regularly, les they hurt themselves.

They also generally have a myriad of other health problems because of the inbreeding needed to get them, and are prone to several diseases, skin problems, and increased chance of injury. 

They generally dont have any patterns, but come in most all colors. However, because of their thin skin, their yellow blood tends to show through, giving any color a yellow tint- and appearing outright yellow on lighter coats.

Munchkins aren’t as much of a breed as they are a mutation, and can come in any color or pattern because of it. There can even be munchkins of other breeds.

Hookclaws are a very newly recognized breed, and still have yet to be fully explored. So far, they can come in pretty much any color, but they never have any patterns aside from a heavy gradient on their back. More research is being done to try and breed patterns onto them.  

SUMMARY

Despite their nefarious beginnings, headcrabs quickly arose as a very common, domesticated companion in the post-combine years. Though they aren’t for everybody, they make a fascinating, unique pet for those willing to put in the work and research. Or, even if you aren’t interested in adoption; the history and genetics are a fascinating, competitive, and potentially lucrative field for any young entrepreneur. 

So whether you’re looking for a new companion, someone to guard the house while you’re away, or simply a new career in genetics, headcrabs are an amazing species to look into.

[readerstories]

Horse Whisperer - Tommy Shelby x male!reader

This got so long so quick. Hope you enjoy! (AO3)

Warnings/tags: boss/employee relationship, friends to lovers, fluff (link to bonus smut at the end)

Wordcount: 3418

Request: Tommy x m reader R is good with horses. Rides and takes care of them, but Tommy notices him when he is able to calm down a horse that went completely wild. He finds himself intrigued in this 'horse whisperer'. They share their love for horses and it develops into love for each other. That leads to secret meetings, one pulling each other to the side for quick kisses, riding together etc.

Horses have always been the one animal you gravitate towards. Cats and dogs were okay, but they were nothing compared to horses. You loved them and as you got older, you found yourself working with them, and over time, gaining a reputation for being a hard stable worker who treats the animals well. Which is how you find yourself working on the Shelby estate, taking care of the Shelby family’s horses.

You rarely see any of them, and you have yet to meet Thomas Shelby, your employer, since the stable master had been the one to hire you. You don’t mind, as the horses are your number one priority. You have of course heard about them all, the rumors, the brutality, everything, but they seem to care about their horses, so you don’t care about anything else.

The first time you meet, or rather see Thomas Shelby is when the farrier comes to the stable to check over and shoe some of the horses. It’s a day with some bustling activity as horses are moved back and forth, but it’s all going well.

Until the last horse. A grey stallion named Tom-Tom you had warned them to be slow with, and that they shouldn’t move or even touch him without you there. You know him well. The horse gets nervous easily, and several hundred kilos of a nervous horse is bad news for everyone involved.

Which is why, when you return from taking a piss, you swear as you notice two stable-hands leading him out of his box.

Tom-tom is already agitated, so you increase your pace, keeping yourself from running or shouting just knowing that would make everything worse. It doesn’t help however, as seconds later there’s a loud clatter from somewhere in the stable as something is dropped, and Tom-Tom has had enough.

He neighs loudly and trashes around, the two men leading him barely hanging on to the ropes fastened on either side of his halter. Not deterred and panicking more by the second, Tom-Tom neighs again, this time rising up on his hind legs.

This time the ropes are dropped, and when his front is back on solid ground, Tom-Tom starts running towards the stable door. People dive out of his way, in no way thinking about trying to stop the panicked animal. Only one of the two stable doors were left open, but now Tom-Tom busts the other one open with his shoulder. Someone yells out in surprise on the other side and you swear, taking off after Tom-Tom, not even bothering to yell at the stupid idiots who took him out his box. You will get to them later.

Seconds later you’re outside too, eyes quickly landing on Tom-Tom where he’s pacing, almost running back and forth on the large open space in front of the stable. You quickly note the two men in peaky caps next to the stable door, which must have been the ones to yell, but you pay them no mind, all focus on Tom-Tom as you try to get the horse’s attention.

“What the fuck was that?” One of the peaky men yells, mustache quivering.

”Shut the fuck up or the horse is going to get worse you sod.” You purposefully try not to yell, but your voice comes out forceful nonetheless. It looks like he’s about to say something more, but the other man puts a hand on his shoulder, seemingly to stop him. It works, and you turn your attention back to Tom-Tom.

He is still pacing, not calming down in the slightest. You call his name over and over again as you slowly, every so slowly, creep closer to him.

A few feet away you stop, reaching out a hand towards him.

A few more strides, then Tom-Tom slows, before finally coming to a stop not far from your outstretched hand. He is still nervous as you approach once more, legs twitching, ears flicking back and forth, frothing ever so slightly at the mouth. You keep your voice low and even, talking to him as you get closer.

“That’s it, good boy. You doing better now?” When your hand makes contact with Tom-Tom’s mule, his head snaps up just once, before he puts his mule back in your hand. You move it slowly upwards, tracing your fingers up to his forehead, close to his mane.

“That’s it, that’s it.” You almost whisper, walking just a little bit forward so you can move your hands along his neck, ignoring the ropes for now. You talk slow and low, praising him for calming down and not running away as you slowly move your hand along his neck.

Tom-Tom moves his head so it’s over your shoulder, putting some weight against your shoulder and back.

Your hand moves from his neck down to the shoulder he banged into the stable door on his way out. It feels alright, slightly warm, but you can’t be sure nothing is damaged before walking him around for a bit.

Still being slow, you take a few steps back, Tom-Tom moves his head so you can look at him again. You untie one of the ropes from his halter, letting it fall to the ground, before gently starting to lead a slightly less twitching Tom-Tom away from the stable.

You hear the peaky man from earlier say something, you’re not sure if it’s directed at you or your companion, but you don’t care. You however feel eyes burning into your back, so you glance over your shoulder, your eyes connecting to intense blue eyes watching you from under a peaky cap.

----

A little while later, you return Tom-Tom to his box, satisfied that he will most likely be fine, though you will need to keep an extra eye one him for a few days. Then you talk to the farrier and get him to agree to return in a week, a smart man after having worked with horses for long.

After that, you find the two morons that took Tom-Tom out of his box without you. They were currently cleaning saddles, but you stop them in their work. Standing just inside one of the two doors to the rooms, you give them a verbal lashing. It’s at the tail end of this that Tommy Shelby finds you. You see the eyes of both boys grow wide, and one of them actually interrupts you.

“Uh-”

“What?!” You bite out. The boy doesn’t answer, instead pointing behind you. You turn around and leaning in the doorway is the man with the blue eyes from earlier.

“What do you want?” Blue Eyes raises a brow.

“What are you doing?”

“Giving these boys a reminder that they shouldn’t be stupid and do things they shouldn’t when they have been told multiple times not to do something.” Your tone is clipped, annoyed with the interruption. Blue Eyes doesn’t seem faced.

“Is that so?” He flickers his gaze to the boys behind you, and before you can really process what’s going on, the other door to the room slams behind the boys as they make themselves scarce. Blue eyes give you a once-over. “You don’t know who I am, do you?”

“I recognize the cap, you’re a peaky blinder, but other than that I got no fucking clue.” You cross your arms over your chest, the man almost seems like he is having fun.

“Is that a tone to take with your employer?” His tone is neutral, face much the same except a little twinkle of something you can’t recognize in his eyes.

“My employer is the stable master.”

“And his employer?”

“Thomas Shelby.” His brow is raised yet again, and a few seconds is all you need. “Ah, evening Mr. Shelby.” You uncross your arms, fishing out your cigarettes from your back pocket, taking one out.

“If you want to fire me for not being polite earlier, there are easier ways.” You offer him a cigarette, and to your surprise he pushes of the door frame and takes it. You light your own, then hand him the matches so he can use them. The flame dances briefly over his face as his attention is moved away from you, but just seconds later you got eye contact once more.

“I’m not here to fire you.” He says in an exhale of smoke.

“Then why are you here then Mr Shelby?” Your smoke mixes with his as you ask, wondering what this is.

“Please, call me Tommy.” You nod, furrowed brow, but Tommy keeps talking. “I just wanted to see the man that managed to calm down a wild horse.” You snort, already forgetting to even try keeping your response or tone in a fitting way for when talking to your boss.

“He was hardly wild Mr Sh- Tommy, he was just scared. I worked with Tom-Tom enough that I knew that, and I knew how to calm him down.”

“Still, an impressive feat to calm down a panicking animal.” Tommy’s eyes flicker all over you, and you suddenly notice how close he is standing to you. Every time either of you takes a drag of a cigarette, you can almost brush a hand against the other, smoke mingling as you talk. You take half a step back, unsure yet again of the situation you find yourself in. Tommy notices, but doesn’t comment on it other than a barely there tilt of his head. He seems to be sizing you up for something, but you have no idea what.

He mirrors you then, taking a step back too. A last drag of his cigarette before he stumps it out on the ground.

“I will see you around.” He doesn’t let you respond, out of the room and gone in seconds.

----

You don’t have to wonder much or long about what those words meant, as you do actually end up seeing him more after that little incident.

A lot more actually.

Before that day you had never even seen the man, but now, you see him at least once a week, if not more. He’s around the stable more, sometimes talking to the stable master, other times preparing for a ride, however the weirdest times are the ones where he comes around with an excuse to talk to you.

The first time it happens is a few days after the incident with Tom-Tom. He just wanders up while you are cleaning out his stable and asks you about him. You glance up at him, unsure why he is asking, but you start talking about Tom-Tom. You liked your job and talking to Tommy, your boss, was a sure way to keep that job. You end up talking through all your cleaning, and when you try to excuse yourself to do other work, Tommy insists you keep on talking, not letting go of you quite yet. You find it strange, but you do as you’re ordered.

That was the first time it happened, but not the last. Tommy will find you wherever you are, tell you to talk about something, most of the time the horses in the stable. You do so, and he mostly listens, sometimes coming on with comments or even stories of his own.

Surprisingly, Tommy loves horses too. You had thought he was just another rich man that had a lot of horses just because he could, but he genuinely seems to care about the animals. You sometimes see him feed them treats, giving them extra pats and attention when he thinks no one is looking. Hearing him talk about them is great too, sometimes he even smiles when talking about them, which you learn is something he doesn’t do a lot of.

Over time, your friendship of sorts grows strong, and you find yourself looking forward to the days Tommy comes to see you. It is a distraction from your work and the horses, but you don’t mind.

----

It’s night, and for once, the stable is quiet, almost no activity going on. Some horses are moving around in their boxes, and you can hear some animal rustling the bushes outside, but other than that, you’re alone with your lamp.

One of the mares, Lady, is only days away from birth, and to be on the safe side, you had suggested for you to watch her in the night. None of the others had wanted to do it, but you and the stable master were both content with it just being you. You know the old man is not long from retirement, and he was not about to stay up late when someone else he trusts can do it.

The only thing about doing night shifts like this was how boring and lonely it could be. Sitting on a hay bale outside Lady’s box, you try to enjoy or at least not mind the quiet. For a little while you had entertained yourself and Lady by humming, and even singing, some songs you knew.You tire of that quickly however, and have now settled on letting your thoughts wander before you try to find some work or really anything to do.

So when you hear quiet steps nearing the stables you are instantly on alert. No one else is supposed to be coming, and it’s still far until morning. The steps get closer and closer, before one stable door is pushed open, creaking as it reminds you that its hinges need oiling.

The first you see is a puff of smoke, and then Tommy enters the stable. He puts out his cigarette on the wall, throwing it outside, already aware of your ire for smoking near very flammable hay.

“Evening.” Tommy says, sounding weirdly formal for it being the middle of the night.

“Tommy, what are you doing here?” He keeps silent as he walks over to Lady’s box, peeking into it. You stand up so you're next to him.

“She looks about ready to go.” Tommy comments, keeping all of his attention on the horse except a brief glance at you.

“She is, which is why I’m here. But again, why are you here?” The silence stretches as Tommy says nothing, moving to lean his arms on the edge of Lady’s box. Lady doesn’t seem to care, as she munches on some hay.

“Couldn’t sleep.” The admission is quiet, almost like Tommy didn’t want you to hear him, so you pretend you didn’t. Sort of. You know he can use a distraction, knowing your own mind being like that when you’re the one who can’t sleep.

“Hey, let me show you something.” Tommy has to move back as you start to open the sliding door. Lady shifts her attention from her hay to you, blowing out some air from her nose.

“Come, come.” You say to her, reaching out your hand. She slowly takes a few steps towards you, pushing her nose into your hand, blowing some more air.

“Good girl.” You give her a scratch and then move out of the doorway of the now open box, letting her walk past you, into the hallway and right next to Tommy. Lady barely spares him a glance before walking towards the stable doors. You tug at Tommy’s arm for him to follow, grinning as he seems to be watching Lady with some skepticism. Opening the stable door for her, Lady slowly walks outside, stopping not far outside the doors, giving you time to close the doors behind her before she starts walking again.

You quickly catch up to her, as her steps are slow with how heavy she is. Tommy is quick to follow, walking behind you at the slow pace Lady has set. You can see Tommy thinking, glancing between you and her as you walk.

“And you still do not want to call yourself a horse whisperer, ey?” You snort.

“No, this is no horse whispering, this is trust built up over time.” Tommy doesn’t respond, so you let the silence linger, just enjoying the company. You let Lady steer the direction as she usually does, taking you on a short route that will lead you around some of the paddocks.

“It’s good for her to walk like this, both for her and the foal.” You tell Tommy, mostly to have something to fill the quiet night air with. He nods, seemingly lost in thought with his hands in his pockets as he walks beside you

It doesn’t take long before you return to the stable. Although Lady liked these walks, she  would only walk for so long with how big and slow she was. She patiently waits for you to open the stable doors for her, going straight for her box as she gets inside. She gulps down some water as you push the door to her box closed.

Lady peaks outside so she can take the small piece of apple you offer her. You offer the other piece to Tommy, who takes it, and in turn, offers it to Lady. She takes it, munching on it as she lets out a small neigh. You smile at her, then at Tommy.

“I think she likes you.” Tommy is watching her, slowly raising his hand towards her. She lets him pet her for a little bit before moving away, moving into her box, away from the both of you.

“I think I like her too.” Tommy’s voice is quiet and it’s only when he turns his head towards you that you realize how close you are to him. You perhaps only inches apart, closer than needs be in the deserted stable. Tommy is watching you with a look that you don’t recognize, eyes intense as his focus is solely on you.

“I-” Whatever you were about to say is lost as Tommy raises a hand to cup your cheek, surprisingly gentle for a man with such a fierce reputation. But that is also not what you know him as, is it? You know that he loves horses, that you like talking to him, that he is seemingly content to walk with you when he can’t sleep, that he-

Your thoughts are cut off when Tommy leans forward to press his lips to yours.

The kiss is short, barely there, you aren’t even really able to process it’s really happening before Tommy leans back, gauging your reaction

You don’t know what to say, so instead of even trying, this time it’s you who leans forward to capture Tommy’s lips with yours. He is quick to respond, the hand not holding your face pulling you in by the waist. Not to be outdone, one of your hands goes to his ribs, the other to his hip.

His lips are firm against yours, intense and hungry.

He pushes you and you go willingly, letting him push you against the nearest wall, not stopping to kiss you, introducing his tongue, letting him slowly coax your mouth open.

Which would have been wonderful to continue, but in that moment Lady decides to remind you both that it’s her box you’re leaning against and that she would like some peace and quiet. To do this she lets out a loud neigh, causing the two of you to jump, breaking the kiss as you almost jump out of your skin.

“Lady!” You chastiste her, all you get in response is a huff of air and her turning around so her behind is towards you. You huff too, focus returning back to Tommy. He’s watching you once more, letting his eyes wander as his hands stay on your face and waist. He’s warm and firm against you, making you want to stay like this for a good while longer.

“She doesn’t take kindly to being disturbed when she is trying to relax.” Tommy raises an unimpressed brow.

“Is this her or your way of telling us that we should take this elsewhere?” You give him a brief kiss, not letting him deepen it.

“I wish I could, but I need to stay and watch her, it’s my job.” Tommy sighs, leaning back and letting go of you. You wish he hadn’t, the night feels colder already.

“Another time then?” Again, gauging your reaction with intense eyes. You smile and nod, which gets an ever so slight smirk in return.

“Well then, good night.” Without more preamble, Tommy walks towards the stable door. He lights another cigarette, giving you a brief glance while doing so, before slipping out into the night.

----

(Bonus smut that has nothing to say for the plot of you want it)

[urimaginespimp]

How You Get The Girl (This Love Final Part)

Bucky x Reader (elemental witch)

Set on TFATWS last episode

Note: Thank you to everyone that's tuned in, gave feedbacks, and liked/reblogged. I had to so much fun writing these! After this I’ll be working on oneshots completely unrelated to this story of several prompts.

We got a new Cap!

Previous Part: Untouchable

Marvel Masterlist

--------

“I’m serious, Shuri. I am over him.” you groaned as Shuri won’t wipe off the smug, disbelieving look on her face.

“Sure, Jan.” She replied getting up to continue on what’s she’s working on.

“Hey, I know that reference!”

“I’m just saying... Seven years of pinning over the guy – which five of it was when he was practically dead, by the way – and you’re telling me it took one confrontation for you to get over him.” She shrugged.

Some of the Dora Milaje were also in the lab, and you haven’t been vocal about it, but you didn’t miss the knowing looks they’ve been exchanging every time Bucky was brought in the conversation.

“Well, it would really be nice if you’re being supportive right now.” you sulked in your seat. Yeah, who were you kidding. Maybe you’re not completely, completely over him, but now you’re sorting to the fake it ‘til you make it method and so far, you’re doing well.

“Okay, fine. Want me to set you up with someone? My brother has some contacts around the world and I think with some buttering up he’d consider setting you up to bachelor royalties.” She wiggled her brows at you.

“May I suggest the Prince of Brunei? The internet says he’s looking for a wife.” One of the ladies snickered, making the others hum in approval.

“T’Challa knows him?” this piqued your interest. “He’s pretty hot.”

“Well make up your mind. It’ll take me a few business days of persuading my brother.” She raised her brows at you.

“It wouldn’t hurt to start dating. I’ll think about it first.” you muttered, missing how Shuri winked at the other ladies in the room. Ayo had told her in private about Bucky’s little confession to Zemo, and the princess has a few tricks up her sleeve to speed up the matchmaking process.

“I’m only staying for a few days more. It’s been a few weeks and Val’s been complaining from lack of sleep.” She’s been taking over your nightly escapades, and it’s starting to irritate her to be surrounded with so much booze but not being able to indulge.

Just then, Okoye enters the lab. “Check the news. There’s a live coverage of a hostage in New York. Sam and White Wolf are on it.”

--------

Bucky was looking over proudly as Sam was talking to the Senator.

Seeing Sam now walking over to him, he straightened up and cleared his throat. “Sorry, I uh was texting and all I heard was um a black guy in stars and stripes.”

They both chuckled, now walking side by side. “Nice job, Cap.”

“Thanks.”

--------

He’s done it. He told Yori the truth. Though now that might have been the end of their friendship, he knew the old man deserves the closure for his son.

Now back in his apartment, he took the notebook Steve once owned from his pocket, and opened it to the page where his list is. Looking over it, he saw that the only name left uncrossed is yours.

Just then, his phone pinged twice. One message was from Sam, and the other one from Shuri.

Sam’s read:

I wasn’t kidding when I told you

back on the boat that I’d get the

younger ones here to give you a

crash course on romance.

Check your email.

He rolled his eyes and opened the one from Shuri.

Y/N’s explained everything to us.

We saw you save those people,

White Wolf. Wakand is proud of you.

Brother says you’re welcome to

visit anytime. Take care!

p.s.

It’s good to know Y/N and you are

are on good terms. It finally allowed me

to set her up with one of the princes

mother’s been pestering me about. One less

off of mother’s list for me.

“Damn it, Shuri.” he groaned, reading the last part over and over again. He had to move fast. Heading over to his email, he opened the one from Sam.

The subject says:

21st century romance for reformed dummies.

There was an attached 60-second video. Clicking on it, he chuckled when Sam’s voice started booming behind the camera, where it showed two young girls and one boy, all around below 10 years of age.

“Okay, I gathered you here today because a cyborg friend of mine is need of help. I already filled you in the details necessary earlier, and all you have to do now is give him quick tips. Remember, talk slow.”

The boy on the middle spoke up. “Is she an avenger?”

“Not important, but yes. It’s the one with similar powers to an avatar.” Sam answered, followed by the two girls saying they know which one, and the boy to mutter ‘damn it I always had a crush on her...’

“Okay the first step would obviously be to say sorry.” the girl on the right said directly to the camera.

“Oh! Extra points if you do it standing like a ghost outside her door and it’s about to rain.” the other girl from the left perked up.

“I said he’s a cyborg, not a weatherman.” Sam commented, still behind the camera.

“Say you were afraid to tell her what you want.” the first girl spoke again.

“Six months is a long time to be afraid, man.” the boy in the middle spoke up this time.

“Try years.” Sam muttered.

“Then you say you want her for worse or for better!” The cheery girl exclaimed once again.

“You’ve been playing too many fake weddings, but yes, that could work.” Sam told her, making her beam, showing a missing tooth.

“Tell her you could wait forever and ever.” the boy added.

“I mean he’s already old enough to be your great grandpa but go on I guess.” Sam was snickering, causing the camera to slightly shake.

“Remind her of how it used to be. That is if he was good to her.” the more mature girl was pointing out. “Saying you’ll put her heart back together could also work.” she smiled, and the other one fake swooned on where she was standing.

“She’s right!” she exclaimed, while boy nods and says “that’s how it works.” at the same time.

Now turning the camera, Sam was now in frame.

“And that’s how you get the girl, Barnes. Straight from the local’s experts. Don’t fuck it up.”

And three voices scolded him for saying a bad word as the clip ends.

--------

It didn’t take long for him to take a flight straight to Norway where New Asgard was. This time without the aid of Zemo’s jet, he had to find the means to travel from the airport, while trying to calm his nerves.

As if the universe was on his side, a couple claiming to be heading back to Asgard allowed him to hitch a ride with them.

Now on the backseat, he tried to make small talk.

“So, uh, how are you guys settling in the planet?” he asked.

The lady on the passenger seat turned to face him with a smile. “It wasn’t easy, really. But the princess went out of her way to educate us about life here on Midgard. She’s so good at it, you’d forget she hasn’t even been living here a decade.”

He smiled. They claim you as their princess despite only being adopted by Thor. He recalls how you once rambled about being scared that they’d be indifferent towards you once Thor brings you to Asgard, one of the reasons you’ve been making up excuses to go with him.

“Why, would you look at that. We’re just in time before it starts raining.” The man driving commented.

Peeking through the window, sure enough, the sky was getting darker.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” he muttered. He might just take the little girl’s advice after all.

After getting out of the couple’s car, he ran straight to where he remembers your home was, just in time when Val just got out of your house.

“Hi. I don’t think we’ve formally met. I’m Bucky.” He greeted extending his ahand to her which she took. A skeptical look on her face.

“Call me Val. I’m sorry what are you doing here?”

“I need to speak to Y/N, please.” He answered truthfully.

“Well it’s about night time so she’s getting dolled up.” She answered

“I know, I know, it’s for her date. But that’s why I’m here.”

Val raised a brow, confused about what date he was getting all bummed about when you were only getting ready to go back to looking out for people out and about at night. But then it dawned to her that maybe this was some of your friend’s doing.

“Y-yes... the date.” She decided to play along, holding back a smirk. Just then, rain started slowly pouring, along with thunder. “Well shit, I have to help some folks get their kids back inside their homes now. You’re free to knock on her door.” She excused herself.

His own clothes were starting to get drenched when he finally knocked on your door.

No answer. He knocked again, louder this time. Now footsteps were heard coming to the door, and the knob turned as you opened it.

“Damn it, Val, the door’s not even lo-” You stopped talking, surprised at the figure that greeted you.

“Bucky... are you insane? Don’t just stand there, come in it’s raining hard.” he urged him to get in and closed the door behind you.

Facing each other, he was taking you in. Val wasn’t lying when she said you were getting ready for your date. He can’t believe he was already getting jealous of a faceless punk.

“So uh... what brings you here?” You decided to break the ice, fidgeting where you stood, still barefoot as it looked like you were gonna have to stay at home if it was going to rain this hard all night.

“Don’t go on the date.” he pleaded, confusing you.

“What?”

“Please don’t go on the date.” He repeated, now walking towards you.

There is no date, but now you were wondering why he’s telling you not to.

“Why?”

“I love you.” he answered without missing a beat, now stepping closer to you. Instead of the reaction he was hoping for, you scoffed and took a step back.

“Don’t pull a Laurie on me.” you replied, a frown etched on your face. He was confused.

“A Laurie?”

“Yeah, I’ve seen enough adaptations of Little Women to know that you’re pulling a Laurie on me.” You spat as a matter of fact. “You’re being really mean, stop it.” you crossed your arms in front of your chest.

“What? I- I haven’t even thought of that reference!” he defends himself, cheeks reddening from embarrassment. “Amy was gonna get married, Y/N.”

“Oh then by all means, feel free to come back just after he proposes.”

“W- We’re getting sidetracked here, doll. I came here hoping there still an ounce of you that loves me. Please don’t tell me you’ve completely moved on from me.”

“What, like it’s hard?” you replied. It surprised you when his brows shot up from recognition of that line.

“Now you’re pulling an Elle Woods on me!” he pointed at you in an accusatory manner.

“Don’t point that finger at me, Barnes. How was I even supposed to know you’ve seen that movie?” you rolled your eyes, walking past him.

“I watched all the movies you told me about back in Wakanda.” he spoke up, making you stop in your tracks to face him again.

“Yeah, that’s right. I watched every movie, I listened to every song, read every book you recommended, and visited every internet site you once said I might like. I was always listening even when I made it seem like I wasn’t.”

You stared at him for a second looking for any indication that he was lying. Recovering from the mild shock, you pursed your lips. “I hope you know the Porn site was a joke. Sam did it to Steve once and I just thought it was hilarious.”

His mouth twitched. Walking over to you once more he stopped when he was only a step away, not breaking eye contact.

“I’m really sorry, Doll. I know it’s bold of me to even ask you, but please give me the chance to make it up to you. And I don’t care if it’s me that has to wait for you this time. Take all the time you need, just please don’t go on that date.”

“Bucky, there was never a date. I have no idea what date you were referring this entire time.” you confessed, making him bring his hands to his face and groan, muttering Damn it, Shuri.

Hearing Shuri’s name, you put two and two together. “Is this about Shuri trying to set me up with a prince?” he nodded as answer. “Well, I did tell her I was gonna think about it.”

He removed his hands away from his face. “Please say no.” He whispered. “I’d tell you what the kids told me what to say if I have to.”

“What kids?”

“Sam got a bunch of kids on video to teach me how to win you back. I’ve already stood under the rain outside your door just like what one of the girls suggested.” Judging from the grin on your face, he was now regretting even mentioning them.

“Well go on, then.” you urged. “Let me see how much you’ve learned.”

“The first time I saw you at the airport, I got so distracted looking at you just casually sitting on top if the ramps while we were preparing to fight. That wink you sent me that day is still engraved in my mind by the way. Then I was so taken back when you bluntly told me you’re attracted to me. I-”

“I don’t think the kids taught you to remind me of my attempts to flirt with you.” You cut him off, embarrassed at the memory. He chuckled at your expression.

“Okay, okay.” he took a deep breath.

“I think I started catching feelings for you the moment they woke me up from my cryosleep and you were there to be the first one to welcome me back. I didn’t think you were still gonna be there like you told me. But you were there, beaming at me like a ray of sunshine. All my years under HYDRA, every time I was woken up, I was only ever treated as an asset. But you welcomed me like I was a friend.” his eyes were starting to get glassy with tears, as he tried not to choke up.

“And then every time you were near, or even when I’d get a whiff of your perfume, I’d start feeling all warm inside and my entire body would be at ease, knowing you were an arm's reach from me. You were the last one I saw as I disintegrated from the blip, and you were the first one I sought out the moment we came back.” he was surprised when you reached forward to wipe away a tear he didn’t even realize had run down his cheek.

“I lied when I said I made a mistake kissing you. It was the first thing I wanted to do the moment I saw you again. But something inside me was always telling me that all I could ever be is someone grateful for your kindness. That it was impossible for the universe to even grant me someone like you after everything I’ve done." He let out a breath before continuing.

"But it was also you, Steve, Sam, and heck – even Zemo– that made me realize that I am worthy of a chance. And I’m sorry it had to take you telling me you were moving on, to have the courage to accept and take the chance that has been long offered to me by the world." He took your hand and gave the back of it a small kiss.

"I love you, Y/N.” Now it was him that had to wipe away your tears away. “Please don’t cry, doll. That wasn’t-”

“Just fucking kiss me already, James.” you laughed, in between sniffles.

He grinned down before you. “You’re my angel with a potty mouth, and I love you.” he whispered, leaning down.

“I love you too."

---------

You and Bucky were out with the Wilsons on their community's afternoon barbeque.

Sarah and you got along with ease, and she was telling you all about their old family business when Bucky hugged you from behind.

"Sorry to interrup, ladies, but I have to show you something Y/N." he said, kissing your cheek.

"Ew, man. I still can't believe your old ass has a girlfriend." Sam commented beside Sarah who was laughing

"You do know I'm older than him, right?" you chuckled.

"I know, but you don't look it." he replied, causing Bucky to flip him off.

Excusing yourself, both of you walked by the docs.

"What's up, old man?" you grinned at him.

"You know what, doll. Most couples would have endearing nicknames for each other."

"I'll call you something sweet once you tell me what that thing you call me when we're alone means."

"What, мое солнце?"

"Yeah, that one! Tell me or else I'll keep calling you ridiculous ones." you threatened, trying not to smile.

"Anyway, мое солнце, I just wanted to show you a text I got from Shuri."

I am yet to have any news that you

manned up and told Y/N you love her,

White Wolf. I was joking before, but now

I really might set her up on a date.

You both chuckled at Shuri's threat.

"I got this." you pulled your phone out of your pocket and dialled her number. You placed it on loud speaker once she picked up.

"Y/N! So nice of you to call."

"Hey, Shuri! Listen..." you feigned seriousness in your voice before releasing a deep breath. "I'm finally over Mr. Smokey eye. I think I'm ready to go on that date now." Bucky was playfully glaring at you for the nickname.

There was dead silence from the other side of the line for a second. "Oh! About that... uh turns out he already has a girlfriend. Planning to propose soon, I heard. Oops!"

"Well that's a bummer. How about the other bachelor royalties your family's friends with? I recently found an article with a list. I can send you one right now. Preferably ones that don't look much like blue-eyed grandpa." you grinned at him as he rolled his eyes. He knows what you were trying to get him to do.

"Uh... turns out my brother isn't that friendly after all." She let out an awkward laugh. "Hasn't Barnes contact you at all?" you could hear the frustration in her voice.

"Oh, that discount prophet, I haven-"

"It means my sun." He finally caved, rolling his eyes.

"What?" you asked him, immidiately forgetting that Shuri was still on.

"WHAT?" she screamed through the phone after a second.

"мое солнце means my sun." he grinned at you.

"Is that Barnes with you?! Hellooo?!!!"

"Talk to you later, princess." you turned off the call when she was about to protest. Facing him again, you stepped closer and put your arms around his shoulders, both of you sharing a grin.

"I love you, мое солнце."

"I love you too, minn stjarna."

"You gonna tell me what that means?"

"You wish."

fin.

--------

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