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#nothing has happened im just frustrated with myself
apocalypticdemon · 1 year
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#ughhhh#nothing has happened im just frustrated with myself#im getting. mean. and i dont like it#my patience is. so short. i get so annoyed so fast#and i just sit and stew and be negative about it. feels bad.#i have another friend (nobody here) that i keep bitching about but like. talking to him just makes me unhappy now.#idk. ive been going through it and im realizing that i might just straight up be a lesbian#and the last time i mentioned it he just. sent me a random pic of an anime lady?? bc he thought id think shes hot?????#this is. a running theme.#and its so fucking stupid that that is what irritates me.#but like half of our conversations just end with him spamming emotes at me or sending me anime memes that i dont think are funny#bc he just doesnt know what to say! and instead of just leaving it at that he just??????? spams me with anime???????????#ive told him to stop before but i think he forgot#i just. i dont know. when that isnt happening our conversations will just pivot to his issues all the time#like last time i got mad during dnd bc frankly it hasnt been fun for months.#and he checked in on me to see if i was okay. and we had a decent chat. but then i think i said something too frank so he just dropped it#and 5 min later i was managing his shit.#and like. i know im being mean about it!!! i know!!!!! but i just. dont like talking to him anymore and he didnt even do anything wrong#so i just get snappy and mean and i hate it but idk what to even do#vent posting#i just. i get so mad so often and get so frustrated with people for no fuckin reason and it sucks
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wooahaes · 5 months
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Hiii!! I just wanted to check up on you. How are you feeling? Are you doing ok? I hope you are taking care of yourself and able to enjoy the holiday as much as you can. Thinking of you ❤️
hii lovely
life has kinda quieted down some? which is good and things are going okay when im not frustrated with the rest of my family (feels like im the only one whos rly... being a caretaker at all...) but im just kinda taking it one day at a time rn
ty for checking in <3 i hope u get to spend the holiday happily as well <3
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barnabybrainrot · 6 months
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#mod posts#idk dude i am so conflicted abt this ‘barnaby is overrated’ shit#on one hand im like… wow another person who feels he’s overrated. daring today are we?#on the other im like… i understand what its like when the character you like isnt the popular one in the community#like i normally tend to hyperfixate on the side characters so i absolutely know how frustrating it is#i also know from personal experience that a lot of it can just be hating it solely BECAUSE its popular#when i was like 14 and undertale came out i hated it just bc it was popular. and then i played it myself and yknow what? i enjoyed it#like… its okay not to like something!! everyone has unique tastes#and i also understand the concern abt barnaby being treated like snatcher (i know NOTHING abt snatcher so dont. quote me on that)#like theres a chance the ‘fanon’ version of barnaby will be given precedence over ‘canon’#the same shit happened with sans. remember all those sans/reader fics where sans was this edgy mysterious guy?#yet in fanon hes just a funni little skeleton who likes bad jokes?#yet in *canon jesus christ i cant spell today#but like. can we just let people enjoy things if they arent hurting anyone?#like i get it its annoying sometimes. like i had to mute the oc tag bc i was tired of seeing RP stuff#but im not like. going into their inboxes and telling them theyre bad ppl for enjoying a popular character yknow?#sorry this is making like. no sense. and im sorry to put it in tags but i do NOT want this spreading#anyways. those are my thoughts for today.
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cosmicdisastr · 9 months
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don't you just love seeing 1 tiktok about something that can be wrong with your body that you resonate with which leads you down a rabbit hole of research and diagnosing yourself with a new thing that explains everything you've been dealing with but didn't have the words for but you don't want to bring up official diagnoses with your doctor bc you either can't afford the testing or you're afraid you wouldn't be believed and/or told you're wrong even though you KNOW something is wrong w you but dont have the mental energy to pursue it and so you just walk around with a bunch of shit in your head about things you may or may not have but cant/wont do anything about and scream
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pepprs · 1 year
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not to be a pain-crazed wild animal. i KNOW i do this every time. but p*riods are so fucking crazy. like my cr*mps are so bad my body is trying to strangle itself but im awake and i need to be at work in 2 hrs and get thru an entire 9 hr workday as if im not in excruciating pain and im gonna bring my heating pad and my p*in r*lief cr*am if you catch my drift (💀) and i’ll need to use them DURING a busy day in which i will not see any other ppl who get periods in person and using them is gonna be a whole awkward thing. like omg. this is not fucking normal lol
#purrs#it is normal obviously. but it’s SO fucking frustrating like omfg the amount of time i lose every single month to being in pain like this#FOR NO REASON and like half the global population has to deal w that and it’s like it’s nothing. idk. despair and suffering and misery#delete later#menstruation tw#the thing that really gets me abt it is how my mom (ik i said i would stop complaining abt her on here but we have been fighting all month#LOL so im giving myself permission) gets so fucking pissed at me and my sister when we’re in too much pain to do chores bc she thinks we’re#being lazy / making excuses and then she compares us to o it brother like.. omg um YOU should know how painful this can be first of all and#second of all why would you even make that comparison when he doesn’t lose a third of his life to his body trying to tear itself apart! lol!#and yes i could work from home or calll out sick but consider: i am mentally illabout not being at work. which * is gonna be on my ass abt w#when they hear me say that bc i know im gonna make a whole awkward big deal abt my heating pad. UGHHHHH embarrassing lmaooooo#like why do people have REGULAR B*DILY F*NCTIONS!!!!! REGULAR!!!!!!! that REGULARLY put them in this amount of pain and we have to just deal#with that like it’s nothing and be discreet about and whatever. ew i sound like um… someone who cares too much abt stuff like this lol but I#im so mad abt it rn like oh my GOD can the pain just not be part of it can we just evolve to get rid of that or put structures in place in a#society for ppl to be more accepting / supporting / whatever of it. please please please please please#(also goes for more than just p*riods btw. like imagine if as a society we had things in place for ppl who are regularly in#chronic ​pain of any kind 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 what a world that would be 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 wow i sure hope it happens in my lifetime 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍)
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holytrickster · 11 months
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honestly i get embarrassed i don't have like. a single other interest I'm as into because i just know everyone around me is probably sick of it
#idk i probably shouldn't have to feel bad about my interests but i annoy myself like oh my god please read something else talk about..#..something else. its not like i dont like other media; i think pathologic is really freaking cool even if i havent had the time or patience#to play either game yet; i love derry girls it's a really good show; i have this attachment to firefly despite its issues#it's not like i can't get into other things#but nothing has had the chokehold on me that the legendarium has had/still has years later and it's almost frustrating sometimes#like i used to be really into gravity falls for instance. also cuphead; also bartimaeus and lockwood and co. oh and seraphina#but while i still really like all those things and theyre nostalgic for me; i can't...so easily fall back into those worlds in the same way#maybe it is also kin related but it's almosg like i get embarrassed to be so fixated even though it's been such an enjoyable part of my life#as cheesy as that no doubt sounds. i wouldnt be the same person if somebody (i dont even remember who anymore) hadn't been like “hey..#“..middle schooler aimenel you should read the hobbit” (actually i think i mightve read lotr first i dont remember anymore)#idk why it bugs me; why im like “oh no people will be annoyed by the constant posts” as if anyone couldnt just unfollow or block#im probably always going to be like this to some extent and i dont know why i cant stop feeling embarrassed by my attachment to certain..#media. its not even an “oHhH nOoOo its problematic in some ways” thing because i really dont give a shit for the most part#i think its literally i feel like people are going to at a certain point go “arent you too old to like this”#which isnt even going to happen probably so i dont know why i care. i dont know why i care when im honestly cringy as shit all the time#its funny ive becomr someone a much younger me would call cringe and just trying to be special or whatever
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ohmeowmy · 1 year
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#god ok . vent in tags#saur basically i have been stuck at home doing nothing but studying for the past. 3 years? idk#and now i am Finally starting irl in person school again albeit. Very Late into the school year#and my parents r like. obviously she will be distracted from your studies#bitch what fucking distraction. like. studying for 14 hours a day is not normal you Know that right. right. say sike rn#ugh fucking. im so angry. i want to live and make mistakes and be stuck in uncomfortable situations and then get to laugh about it later!!!#i dont want to spend hours and hours and hours with no one except my family and the internet for company#and this is so frustrating i want to live!!!!! i want to live i want to live i want to live#i want to live but i dont want to be alive. is this anything#alive is tedious. living is free. god i want to jump into a river#ofc i Can just do what i want to do but the specter of my parents disapproval will be hanging like the sword of damocles#mental illness moment <- she has realized she has only two states of being either manic energy or dissociative blankness#ergh the last 2 months have been filled with uncomfortable realizations about myself. what do you Mean constantly wishing you were dead is#not something that happens to other people#what do you Mean. wh#is living not incredibly hard for everyone. no??? its not supposed to be???? thats. huh#anyway. god im so tired#holding on to the faintest hope that it will get better. ive made a promise to stay alive till 21 at least#lets see if it really does get better. i hope it does
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jimines · 2 years
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#this is just a little vent/update on some stupid shit going on on here regarding someone i won’t name#but i need to talk about it and vent bc im so frustrated at this whole thing#so i cut a friend off recently.. told them in a *very* heated message how i felt about all the terrible shit they'd said and done recently#and demanded they do not try to contact me anymore and blocked them immediately after#no surprise 5mins later i got two anons from them in my inbox trying to start a fight however i blocked the IP after those two#i even went so far as to disable my webpage for a few days to try and deter them both from sending anons and from stalking my page#and i shouldnt have had to unblock them to tell them for the second time to leave me alone and to stop trying to start things with me#because the last time we argued it was six weeks of emotional damage that i am still really messed up from#after all this it was radio silence - or so i thought#because i've received word now twice that this person has been saying untrue things to friends of friends#trying to start drama and rumours all because i cut them off and they didn't get that fight and that last word they so desperately need ?#i just…why? why why why? why does everything have to become a drama? this is why narcissists scare me..#it took me over a year to realize thats what they are and that id been manipulated so fucking bad.. which is nothing short of embarassing#the way this anxiety has been weighing on my chest lately and dulling my time here is something that shouldnt be happening#im so so tired of all of it.. the drama and the fights and the rumours.. i physically cannot go through this kind of thing again#idk if anyone is reading this but im sorry for being so absent and unresponsive and (often times) really negative on my blog#its just so hard to be happy and positive and excited when this potential drama is looming over me day after day ya know?#im trying to push through and be here because i genuinely WANT to be here but its so fucking exhausting sometimes im constantly paranoid#i pray things will come to a rest and nothing will explode bc mentally i cannot take it anymore and i wont be sticking around in that case#i refuse to put myself through the emotional trauma that nicole put me through again. i REFUSE. so if i suddenly deactivate this is why.#but i wont be going down alone thats for sure#c.text
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sunshinereddie · 2 years
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urg :<
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apocalypticdemon · 1 year
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#ughhhh#nothing has happened im just frustrated with myself#im getting. mean. and i dont like it#my patience is. so short. i get so annoyed so fast#and i just sit and stew and be negative about it. feels bad.#i have another friend (nobody here) that i keep bitching about but like. talking to him just makes me unhappy now.#idk. ive been going through it and im realizing that i might just straight up be a lesbian#and the last time i mentioned it he just. sent me a random pic of an anime lady?? bc he thought id think shes hot?????#this is. a running theme.#and its so fucking stupid that that is what irritates me.#but like half of our conversations just end with him spamming emotes at me or sending me anime memes that i dont think are funny#bc he just doesnt know what to say! and instead of just leaving it at that he just??????? spams me with anime???????????#ive told him to stop before but i think he forgot#i just. i dont know. when that isnt happening our conversations will just pivot to his issues all the time#like last time i got mad during dnd bc frankly it hasnt been fun for months.#and he checked in on me to see if i was okay. and we had a decent chat. but then i think i said something too frank so he just dropped it#and 5 min later i was managing his shit.#and like. i know im being mean about it!!! i know!!!!! but i just. dont like talking to him anymore and he didnt even do anything wrong#so i just get snappy and mean and i hate it but idk what to even do#vent posting#i just. i get so mad so often and get so frustrated with people for no fuckin reason and it sucks
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dragons-hoarde · 10 months
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tag dump heads up it’s a little bit of a mess
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abby420 · 1 year
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there is something so painful about someone being mean to you when you have been nothing but kind and genuine and good to them
#im not saying im perfect and no one can be mean to me#thats not true people can be mean if im in the wrong lol#but im specifically referring to some shit that happened at work the other day#basically this one shift lead ive been scheduled with a lot has been kinda shitty lately and just being passive aggressive and angry towards#everyone and ive tried to excuse it bc theres been a shift in higher management thats kinda been stressing everyone out#but hes starting to be really....shitty to me#but then towards the end of the shift i asked a simple HELPFUL question of just hey do we need to bring anything else over? cause we go#back and forth between two buildings so i was like hey do we have everything we need#and remember hes the team lead its his job to know these things ?#and he just did not respond so i was like no? okay and then he started going offabout how i should just know things and shouldn't have to#ask questions etc#and that just pushed me off the edge#bc its like i dont ask stupid questions#i just ask questions to be proactive and make sure im doing what we need to do and that theres nothing im missing#and ive only been there like 5 months so im not like that experienced yet#but it was so frustrating bc like i DO work hard and i do try my best at this job#i show up 5-10 minutes early everyday#im never late i never call out and i work hard i do what im told to do#and i do it all with a positive attitude! like not to brag about myself but i do genuinely think of myself as a good person#like im kind im supportive i have#a positive attitude and dont engage in drama or talk bad about people#so the fact hes treating me so shitty because i ask too many questions (i think ?) is frustrating#because thats just me as a person#i ask questions about what we are doing and what i need to do and what needs to be done and sometimes i need specific instructions#thats just how i work thats me#hes being mean to me bc im being ME#and thats what hurts i think#idk#the fact that im also trying and im getting treated like shit also hurts#i even stayed an hour late that day....and he still yelled at me for asking questions
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god i wish i knew what was wrong with me
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mysicklove · 1 year
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i can imagine izuku still being a virgin and getting so pussydrunk because it's his first time
𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐏𝐔𝐏𝐏𝐘
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Pairings: Virgin! Sub! Top! Pro-Hero! Izuku x Experienced! Dom! Bottom! AFAB! Reader
Word Count: 2.3k
Warnings: Alcohol use, heavy overstimulation, vaginal penetration, biting, hickeys, creampie, crying, begging, nicknames,, multiple rounds
A/N: Guys Im going to be honest. This is lowkey mostly plot heavy and not too much smut. Im sorry anon I should have made it short and smutty, but I just had this idea and one thing lead to another... I will make short smut stuff!!!!!
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Izuku was desperate to have sex. He may be doing fantastic career-wise, but his life in the sheets was dry. So unbelievably dry. He was so pent up, so frustrated, he needed it so badly. Every night he has to get himself off, and by god, he wanted more.
He met you a couple of weeks ago, and you have clouded his mind ever since. He doesn't even know your name. All he knows is you were wearing a red dress, and you kissed him so hard he couldn't breathe. Pressed your knee on his clothed cock, and just like nothing happened, disappeared.
He was drunk. The both of you were. He remembers the smell of alcohol on your breath, how flushed you look. He was probably no better, the fact that this happened at all means he had to be wasted. He barely has the confidence to talk to girls.
It happened at some sort of party that only celebrities or the rich attend, but with all the Google searches in the world, he couldn't find you. His search history was embarrassing.
But even so, he fantasized about you. The purr of your voice, the soft hands that ran over his muscular body, the way you said, “Such a pretty boy in front of me, you must have all the ladies in the palm of your hand, hmm?” while pressing your lips, coating with red lipstick, onto his neck.
He couldn't get you out of his head. He attended every single party, but alas he could never find you. He would end up at home, alone, touching himself.
Until he found you again, two months later. At another party.
He spills the champagne in his hands, when he sees you, eyes wide, before stumbling up and over to you. You are at a table by yourself, sipping on some sort of cocktail. You were in a dark blue tight dress today, and instead of that red lipstick that stained his neck, you were wearing clear lip gloss.
He awkwardly, and hesitantly taps your shoulder, and flushes when you turn around. The thoughts of that night come flooding back to him, and he has to look away so he doesn't get a hard-on.
“Oh! Deku, I didn't know you were here.” You say with a bright smile and he blinks at you. He just cannot stop thinking about the fact that this is the face he gets off to daily. The way you look now is so different than last time. You look so innocent, grinning so widely, it's nothing like the flushed, domineering persona you had that night.
Either way, it's still you and he gulps. “Hey! Yeah…I was invited.”
You smile into your glass cup. “I would hope so.”
He blushes. Such a stupid thing to say. Of course, he was invited and you were too, what was he even talking about? “So..What's your name?”
You hold out a hand and grin. “Y/N.”
He takes it and gently shakes it, trying to hold back his nervous shaking. “It's nice to me you, Im–”
“Deku?” You prompt with a tilt of your head.
He falters, “Uh yeah! But I was going to say, Izuku” He trails off and you laugh.
“Sorry. Got ahead of myself! It's nice to meet you Izuku.” And suddenly your facial features flip. That smirk is back. He loves it. “Your tie is all messed up, mind if I fix it?” He blushes but nods. You grin and grab onto the green tie, and he goes needle straight. “Yknow. You look awfully familiar, Izuku.” You say in a lone tone, that makes the blood flow straight to his cock.
He splutters, “You, you think so?” You drop the tie and hum. Your mouth opens, beginning another probably teasing remark when a call of your name cuts you off. A female voice, he takes specific note of.
You turn to him and smile. “Well, that's my cue. I'll see you around, pretty boy.”
He stands there staring at the space you just preoccupied with a blank face. And then it hits him. Pretty boy. That’s what you called him that night. You remember. You had to. He turns around quickly and says, “Wait!” but you are already gone. Hidden by the crowd of dancing and drinking rich idiots.
He eyes the cocktail you left, sighs, and finishes it off. He has gotta get some liquid courage in him if he wanted to be bold enough to deal with you.
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He searched the party all night, but alas he couldn't find you. He almost began to give up hope, when suddenly he saw you. Alone, once again, and on the balcony. He sets his drink down and uses the silver reflection of his plate as a mirror to quickly brush through his hair. He sighs and then as calmly as he could so nobody would say anything, walks to the balcony.
When you hear the footsteps, you turn around, and when you see who exactly it is, you grin. He laughs nervously. “Woah, funny seeing you here, Y/N.”
You raise your eyebrow and turn to lean your back on the balcony ledge. “Oh don't give me that, I saw you looking for me all night like a lost puppy.” You throw your head back in a laugh and his ever-returning blush is back.
“Y-You knew? But, why didn't you…” He trails off when you step closer to him. Now you were less than a foot away, grinning up at him, he could almost feel your breasts press against him. He gulps and looks away, hoping to fight his arousal. He could smell the traces of alcohol.
You grab his face to make him look at you, and you lean forward like you are going to kiss him, and then pause, centimeters away. “Izuku, what do you want from me?”
“Everything.” He whispers eyes half-lidded as he stares at your lips.
You smile. “Good answer.” And then press his lips to his. He groans, low and softly, but leans into the kiss. He grabs your waist and presses you against him, and you pull away when you feel his hard cock. “Where should we go?” You prompt, basically inviting him to ask you to his place.
But, much to your dismay, he doesn't get it. “Bathroom,” He says, thinking back to that one night, and then leans forward for another kiss.
You pull away, eyebrows furrowed in disgust. His eyes widen when he feels your warmth disappear. “Bathroom, really? You–You are just like all the others. I thought after the whole romantic balcony scene you would at least have the decency to ask me to your place.” You turn around to head back inside.
He stumbles forward, and grabs your wrist, eyes pleading. “Wait! I'm sorry! I'm nervous, please come over! I've never done this before, I promise I'm not like the others,” He basically begs and this time your eyes widen.
“Oh my. Don't tell me, the number one pro hero, is a virgin?” He looks away and goes silent. You throw your head back in laugh at the confirmation, and he pouts. Then, you grab onto the green tie and pull him forward, he stumbles in front of you, the blush returning. “I'm going to have so much fun with you, pretty boy.”
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Tonight was the best night ever, Izuku decides when his head is thrown back, mouth open, as you sink onto his cock. How could he be missing this all of his years? It was so much better than the fantasy. So much better.
“Oh god,” He groans, hands coming to your hips instinctually. You begin to steady your movements, sitting on your knees in his lap.
“How does it feel? After all this time, you finally lost your virginity,” You say with a grin, hand running down to trace his chest. He nods, a drunken smile pulling at his face.
He gazes down at your sexes and moans. “Feels good. Warm, mhmm so warm.” His voice cracks, “and tight. So much b-better than my hand.”
You laugh, but it comes out in broken pants, so you lean forward to kiss him. He pulls away quickly, eyes wide and panicked. “Oh fuck. Oh fuck. I'm going to cum. No, no, it's too earlier. I can't” He shakes his head and clutches at the sheets beneath him, trying desperately to hold it back, as you continue to ride him.
You shake your head with an adoring gaze. “’s alright. We will just have to go again. And again and again, until you are all fucked out, hmm?”
He stares at you with hearts in his eyes, nodding rapidly. “Yes. Yes, please, please. Fuck. Cumming. I’m cuming!” And just like he said, he released his load in you and rolls his eyes back. Small gasps and a silent moan tumble down from his lips, and his hand shakes as he grips onto your hips.
You coax him through it with a smile, running your fingers through his unruly hair. When he comes down from his high he stares at you with a lazy grin, and the next thing you know you are being flipped over.
Your eyes widen as you feel Izuku start to move in and out again. It was surprising, he had just come down from his orgasm. Wasn't he being overstimulated? His pathetic whine answered your question. “Iz-Izuku, do you want to take a break?” You sigh when he begins to pick up the ruthless pace again.
He leans his head into your neck and shakes his head rapidly. His voice comes out in a pitchy whine, “But you said!” He grips the pillow next to your head and whimpers into your neck, feeling the pain of his spent cock being overworked.
“We can go again after you recover.” You gasp and clutch onto his back, sending nail marks down it. He groans. “So it won't hurt you.”
He shakes his head again and you can feel the drip of the tears falling onto your neck. He was trembling. “No. Please don't make me stop. ‘m good. So good. Feels so so good.”
You grin, maybe a little sadistically as you watch him begin to crumble. You wrap your legs around his waist and pull him closer. He moans, high pitched, and loud. He presses his lips to your neck, sucking and marking any area he can lay his mouth on. You crane your neck to allow his urges. “I love it. I love it.” He half murmurs half whines in between kisses.
“Hmm?” You respond, not trusting yourself to speak while he begins to pick up the pace. One hand grips onto his hair and the other continues to scratch his back.
“Your pussy. S-So warm and tight. ’s like it was made for me.” He gasps and you laugh, to the best of your ability.
You pull him back by the mop on his head and he whines, eyes shut, as his head tilts backward. “What happened to my bashful virgin? You're so lewd now.” His hips pick up the pace.
He tries to the best of his ability to shake his head but ultimately fails under your grip. “But I love it! I do!” You laugh at the ridiculous response and let go of his hair. He collapses back and immediately buries his face into your neck again. “Im going to cum again. Can I cum? Please, please.”
“So quick. Still have a virgin body. Alright. For me, yeah?”
He nods a little embarrassed, and he feels his muscles begin to contract. He bites down on your shoulder and you hiss, but he ignores it, riding his second orgasm through. It's stronger and harder than the first and he screams into your skin, tears falling copiously down his round, flushed cheeks.
He peers down and widens his eyes when he sees his cum begin to leak out of your pussy. He gulps, feeling himself get hard once again, and flips you over immediately. “More. More. Please, just one more. One more time.” He lays completely on top of you and interjoins his fingers with yours.
He uses his arm to lift your hips up so that it was easier to fuck. It makes you raise your eyebrows. He must have watched a lot of porn to know that trick.
“What if I say no?” You tease and he releases an unsteady whine. His eyes are blurry from the tears.
“Please don't say no. Please, I love it. I love it so much. Please, Y/N!” He begs, dropping his head on the pillow next to your face.
“So needy.”
“P-Please.” He whimpers, in a voice so low you could barely hear and you grin.
“Alright. Go ahead.” You could barely finish your statement when all of a sudden he is pounding into you again, mumbling stuff like “Thank you. Thank you.” and “Good. So good.”
You know it hurts him. It has too, overstimulation is no joke. But the way he continues, eyes watery and hips frantic shows just how desperate he is. How obsessed he is with it. The pain didn't even matter to him, the thought of driving his cock into you spurred him on.
He wanted more. You opened his eyes, and once uncovering the truth, he could never get enough of it.
Fucking Izuku may not have been a good idea. In an instant, you turned this poor, cute virgin, into a pussy-starved man. But alas, he seems to only seek it from one particular person, so it may not be all that bad.
He came five times that night and you twice. He asked to go again, but you had to stop him when you took a peak at his fuming red cock, tear-stained cheeks, and trembling body. He doesn't seem to know when to stop.
You left early that morning, legs wobbly and body completely spent. He slept in, his body seeming to be more exhausted than yours.
When he woke up, his body sticky from sweat, his hair messy and body was sore, the first thing he took notice was the sticky note stuck onto his forehead.
Messy, cursive handwriting spelled out, I’ll be waiting for my lost puppy to come crawling back to me again. Xoxo, Y/N
He fell back onto the pillow with a groan. Not even a phone number. You were so cruel.
So, he does what any good puppy does. He attends every party for the next three weeks until he finds you again.
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st-hedge · 10 days
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I said a while ago that for totk’s one anniversary I would write a weird little review of the game in which I throw roses at it while simultaneously slandering it. So I made an attempt which is very abbreviated
Disclaimer: I’m not telling u how u should feel about totk or what’s the right way to feel about it, I’m just trying to make sense of why the game frustrates me and putting it into words. It’s completely fine if u disagree with me, I’m not pitching an argument but just putting words on paper
Totk is one of the best games I’ve ever had the opportunity to play. The mechanics, the music, the designs, the revised world of hyrule, makes me want to curl up on the floor and cry. It is stunning and done with so much love. Where botw had lacked, totk has improved and gone above and beyond. It had frustrated me that botw only allowed us to explore the ground surface, but botw was an exploration into open world games which allowed for totk to happen. The caves, the boats, the islands, and the depths add so much to already such a vast world. I only wish there was also diving but beggars can’t be choosers beh
Although it still doesn’t make too much sense to me why all weapons are suddenly corrupted, I do love the new weapons system. I love how it gives more variety to explore. Materials which previously sat unused in the inventory are now key and nothing feels like a waste to collect. Even rupees have found another use. I’m not the biggest fan of the zonai devices but the addition feels like a love letter to the creativity of the fan base and it feels at place. They help to traverse an otherwise huge and intimidating world. But at times I feel like they give too much leverage and break down too many boundaries and leave little to solve and explore. What im basically saying is fuck the rockets.
I feel that totk doesn’t have enough progress boundaries that make u pause and explore what u have at hand. I found myself just pushing and pushing, forgetting and leaving behind areas I barely touched. It felt too easy getting into the sky and returning to the islands and they lost some of their mystery to me. I think this would have been a great opportunity to reintroduce the loftwings from skyward sword. I’ve talked before about how much this would make sense for totk. The loftwings could be a means to cross boundaries and explore new territories, but it takes time to catch and tame one as a companion. But like horses they should have their limits, presenting new boundaries u need to overcome again
Where the totk’s hyrule begins to confuse and disappoint me goes hand in hand with my main issue (confusion?) with the game. Although botw felt incomplete (the world was a little sparse and one dimensional), the story was comprehensive and clear. Meanwhile, totk has a complete and lively world but it doesn’t have a story to carry
Totk’s story doesn’t have an identity I can grasp and understand. It’s like it doesn’t know what it wants to tell the player, what story it wants to direct them to. On one hand, it seems to want us to know about the origins of hyrule and the mysterious landmarks and characters that are permanent fixtures in this world (castle, ruins, dragons) but at the same time it suddenly wants to do a retelling of OoT and about the sages and these secret stones. But the game never completes any of these stories. Maybe it wants to tell us these stories through the environment, but there is just not enough embedded into the world to grasp and tie together into a narrative. Which is ironic considering how big the world is
We begin to be told the story of the dragons, we suddenly understand how they came to be (the secret stones). But we are never told about the events of their creation (an act of desperation, like Zelda’s) and we are never close to understanding them. Then we are told about the sages, but meeting them tells us nothing new. No new cutscenes, no new items or lore directly related to them. The new sages are found, but didn’t we just discover the divine beasts with them? Suddenly another layer of importance is added to them which makes the ties between legacy and the current sages muddier. I wish there had been focus on them creating their own legacy instead
I think totk could’ve had a very interesting story to tell if it chose what it wants to focus on. Maybe the secret stones were introduced just as a way for Zelda to become a dragon? I dunno
There are so many new places that feel like fantastic opportunities for moments of pause and to uncover lore, unearth memories. But instead they’re brisk puzzles or empty sites. Like the graveyard underneath the desert, the forge islands, the factories, and the fucking poe statues. Tell me as much as u want that I can’t read environmental story telling, but I’ll just keep saying there’s nothing to read into cuz the game doesn’t know what it wants to say. There’s no thread to follow in the way there was with, for example, the graveyard at the spirit temple in OoT. We could’ve been just left with a strange well and a graveyard and told to figure it out, but a thread is laid down that these are the skeletons in the royal family’s closet.
Totk does have amazing moments, like Zelda meeting her ancestors and giving up her identity to become a living legend to revive the master sword, the discovery of the ancient temples, the story of the zonai and their origins. But these are just pieces with many loose ends around them that go nowhere. Even Ganon is left as a loose end where there was so much opportunity to say something worth saying. He seems comically evil with bogstandard bah I want to rule the world lines. If u want to make a case for evil for the sake of evil, u can at least show me a character repeatedly making horrible choices which lead them to the current predicament. Just like totk’s hyrule, he is lovingly designed but he tells absolutely no story
If the reason behind the lack of story is that the devs/writers wanted us to make our own story out of this, then I think this is a case where it was a poor choice. The fans can make theories, hcs, pick up pieces and make AUs, but we also love the stories told by the games and it’s what inspires us to uncover more stories (hey wanna talk about tp and why we hear Malon’s song at night, or what’s up with the empty desert)
I’d love to see totk from the perspective of someone who had never played or known botw. Did it really help to remove any traces of sheikah tech besides the labs and the guardian limbs in the towers. Although the zonai devices and the sheikah tech are from different time periods, totk was a perfect opportunity to marry the two elements together. The shrines and the divine beasts could’ve collapsed into the depths, but instead they have just vanished like erased history
Totk’s story doesn’t have an identity in the same way botw’s does. Even though botw’s hyrule was much smaller and emptier, we found stories there cuz we knew what that game was trying to tell us. If totk is about making sacrifices, then this message feels obsolete by the end. U should make sacrifices, but u will only be happy again if it all goes back to exactly how it was before
As happy and sweet the ending is, it made all the worry and sadness I felt seem pointless cuz of course everything would reset back to the norm cuz how else would this game have a happy ending. What was there to worry about. Yeah so what that Zelda became a dragon losing herself, she was just asleep the entire time and effortlessly she becomes her normal self. So what that link lost his sword arm, of course he would miraculously get it back even though it took him 100 years to recover from a mortal wound. No trace of the things they withstood and lost, no mark, nothing.
I loved the final battle and spectacle of the dragons struggling against each other in the sky. The battle went from the deepest depths to the highest reaches of the sky and I thought it was perfect. But once again how the story concluded and the logic behind it me made me feel like I was chewing on sand and the idyllic ending just made me look about in confusion
TLDR; totk is an amazing game with a stunning world that lacks a comprehensive story to tell
I hoped that I would get a better understanding why I’m so frustrated by totk, but instead I just feel even more confused by it and I think that’s just how I’ll have to leave it
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Target Acquired PART 1
Pairings: Keegan. P. Russ x Soldier!Reader
Enemies to Lovers Trope
Summary: You and Keegan were somewhat of enemies, if that could be said. You got shot by him when you were on a mission, and hide in a nearby warehouse, but what happens when you actually get to talking, and showing him that you are not a scared woman and you mean business as much anyone else.
Disclaimer: This story will contain curse words, war themes, gun shot wounds, and (NSFW) sexual themes in part 2.
"Fuck"
You seeth between your teeth. You got shot, but from where you don't know. You rested your back against the metal crate breathing deeply.
You are enemies.
He was good, shooting you like that. You couldn't see in the the dusty air surrounding you. The abandoned warehouse. You just need to get there, hide there at least until you patch yourself.
The building is dark and has no lights except for the sunlight from the broken windows. All of a sudden, footsteps start getting closer. A man turns into the room. It's him.
He points his gun at you, scanning your body.
"Take your weapons off and push them towards me." He demands.
"Why? You already shot me. Might as well end it here" you say as you leaned against the wall breathing heavy holding your abdomen and applying pressure.
He walks towards you, still pointing his gun at you. "I need to make sure you are unarmed first. Take your weapons off and put them on the ground. Now!"
Sighing heavily sending him daggers, as if you're in a position to shoot, you removed your weapons and shot them towards him with a kick of your foot.
"There happy?"
He catches each one of the weapons with a holt underneath his heavy boot.
"I need to search you." He says, after a moment of dead silence.
"Take off your clothes and throw them towards me."
You stop dead in your tracks. Eyes trying to meet his, sadly having the light come from behind him it made him just a silhouette. He wasn't serious was he?
The corner of his mouth rises into a slight smile. "You heard me. Remove your clothes."
"Keegan"
"What?"
"Im not going to. I gave you my weapons what more could you want. Leave me to bandage myself." you state finalizing your bandage with a knot.
His expression sharpens, becoming somewhat frustrated.
"You aren't going anywhere until I say so. Remove your clothes, now."
You get up, winching at the pain in your abdomen. Keegan got you good shooting just beneath your chest plate. You removed your chest plate and your thigh holsters. Giving him a look as he urged you to continue.
You removed your top leaving you in your string one and finally went to your cargo pants, removing your boots too.
"This isn't very ethical. Even during war" you state.
Your string top had blood all over it sticking to your naval, but pushing the pain away you strengthen in front of him, trying to subside your anger. He was not going humiliate you.
His eyebrows arch in surprise as he stares at your body. He walks around you, checking every crevice. The look on his face is of disbelief and... curiosity?
"I'm amazed you are putting up this much of a fight... "
"Can I get dressed now? " you reply unamused.
Silence.
You look at his eyes. What game is he playing? Thoughts gave him away from his eyes, but no ounce of emotion from behind his mask.
"Please turn around for me." He says in a calm but firm voice.
You turn around as he instructs. Breathing heavy having him behind your back, you prepare for the worst, arms and legs at the ready years of training on you.
Silence.
Not even the rifle's strap sound, nothing.
He looks up and down your body as if studying it. For a moment, he stares in silence, letting his eyes take everything in.
Finally, he clears his throat. "Alright, I'm done here." He starts walking towards the door. "Once I've left, get dressed and don't try anything stupid."
"So what? What was this all for? Wanted to feel some power over me? That's why you had me take my uniform off?" You reply angry.
"Haven't seen a woman I presume"
You hit a nerve.
He was close to the door leaving. Smirking he wasn't the only one in power here.
He stops walking. This is the first time you've seen his expression change. He's... amused?
"You aren't scared of me?" He asks.
Normally, people are petrified. This is the first time someone's talked to him like this.
You turn and move towards him. He towers over you full gear on. You still in your under uniform garments.
"I'm scared of no one" you say directly looking in his eyes.
The tension in the air grows as your two bodies are now just inches apart.
He takes a small step forward, invading your personal space. He stares down at you, unblinking. You feel like you are caught in a trance, as if you cannot look away.
"You're not scared of me, hmm?"
"Never" you whisper to him.
He inches closer. Your lips are now only a few centimeters apart, his covered by his mask.
His eyes pierce into yours. He seems transfixed, almost like a predator watching its prey.
There is a slight smile on his lips. He speaks barely aloud in a teasing tone.
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure"
You inch closer actually meaning what you're saying. As he angles his head closer you reply; "You should get going, they might be wondering where their leader went. Wouldn't want them to know you were with the enemy would you?" you say walking backwards away from him.
"Hmm... and what if I wanted to be with the enemy?" He steps toward you again, matching your walking pace but remaining only an inch or two behind you.
His lips curl into a devilish smirk and he tilts his head curiously to the side like he can't believe how brave you are.
You're shocked, yet not surprised that would be something he would say, however you remained stoic.
"Maybe the enemy doesn't want to be with you" you tantalize.
He pauses for a moment, still following behind you but not moving any closer.
His eyes are darting around your body, trying to take it all in. He speaks again in a voice that's somehow both playful and yet deadly.
"You're a bold one, aren't you?"
You start to dress back into your uniform, wanting to leave. Finally putting on your cargo pants you don't reply to him.
"Hey..."
He speaks, but at first his voice is so low that you ignore it.
"Hey!"
He tries again, yelling this time. He can't let you leave. And there's something else in his voice, a hint of desperation.
You heavily sigh wanting this game to end. Dressed, you walk towards him hitting his shoulder with yours making your way out of the building.
He grabs your wrist before you can walk further, spinning you around to face him.
For the first time, you see that deep down, he's not a monster. There is a hint of humanity and emotion in his eyes.
"Can I ask you something?"
Without replying you looked at his hand wrapped around your wrist then at him. Lets hear this you think.
He grips your wrist tighter, not hard enough to hurt but just enough to show you he's not letting go.
He stares back into your eyes, studying them, trying to read them.
"Why... are you so fearless?" he asks.
You frown at that. Remembering things that made you who you are today.
"Life" you reply.
For a moment, you see a flash of empathy in his eyes before he quickly masks it with his usual expression. "Right."
He pauses, then lets go of your wrist. He stares silently for another moment then finally breaks the silence. "You're different... "
"So are you" you say heading back to the outside world wanting this scene to end not knowing what actually happened between you two. Hand on the door handle you turn looking to wards him. "See you on the battlefield" you say opening the door.
He stays perfectly still, letting you walk outside first. You notice that he seems almost sad, like he's lost something.
You feel his eyes following you out. They are full of curiosity as if he's wondering if he'll ever see you again.
You are both very different people, but for some reason, you have this strange feeling that you are somehow connected to each other.
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