#now I am inflicting my pain on yall

[pencilofawesomeness]

They kept Leona’s hands mostly free so that they could throw Riddle at him. Still, he had to jerk on the manacle connecting him to a stake in the corner of that miserable tent just so that he could catch the kid and not let him hit the dirt first.

“Riddle? Riddle, do you hear me?”

He knew it was going to be bad. He didn’t trust them enough for it not to be. That didn’t mean he was prepared to see him with those half-lidded blank eyes, nearly dead to the world, blood coating his skin like the phlegm of a newborn, large red welts arced all across his back. Leona held him there, almost forgetting to breathe himself, his blood quickly covering his hands, but there was nothing he could do that would help in a way that mattered. He just…used a little healing magic. There was only so much he could do, without a stone and with too much blot accumulation already, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care about the eyes of the guard staring at him, either.

From Chapter 6 of And You Think, “No Escape” by @therosefrontier

----

Rosebud’s fic has given me extreme brainrot so I turned around and drew this after the scene made permanent residence in my brain. It’s so good guys. I’m not okay /pos

Bad times for the boys in the Kidnapped Corner, for sure. Riddle’s scene broke my heart, and Leona trying his best to care for him swept all the pieces into a little pile. These two. These two. ;-;

[floboo6]

Bleed for me

Summary : You're amnesiac and wounded. Baizhu found you and treat you. But you start to have flashback showing you a desolated past. Do you want to remember it ?

Warnings : Wounds, scars, blood, panic attack

Word count : 2452

Author note : Heyyy, it's my first real fic so please be patient, and english is not my first language. I will gladly accept anything yall have to say about that to improve my writing.

This work is also on Wattpad ( FloBooB ) and Ao3 ( FloBoo )<3

Terrified

The snow crunched under your feet, the cold wind stinging your face as you stumbled through the forest. Groaning, you clutched your side. Blood trickled down your wound, staining your clothes red. For how long had you been wandering in this godforsaken place, seeking shelter from your foes. The whispers intensified with each step. You couldn't tell where the sounds - or was it your mind? - were coming from. Shadows danced across your path, the creatures growing larger and larger. Or was it you who was shrinking? You collapsed to the ground, the pain in your side too much to bear. A final whisper touched your ears…  and then, everything went black.

…

Feeling the warm kisses of the sun gently tickling your face, you slowly stirred from your deep slumber. You slightly opened your eyes and looked around, your vision still blurred from the sleep, you could only discern a room with medical devices around you.

“Oh, doctor Baizhu, she’s awake.” A little voice said nonchalantly. 

You turned your head in the direction of the said voice and saw a little girl, walking straight to the door. You tried to talk, to call after her, but nothing came out. Your throat was completely dry. 

A warm and masculine voice could be heard from outside the room, gradually becoming clearer along with the sound of footsteps. Then, the door opened and a man appeared, you couldn’t see very well but he seemed pretty worried, was it about you ?

“Oh dear, how do you feel ?” Asked the… doctor ?

You tried to talk again but this time too.

“...” 

Nothing came out….

“Don’t try to talk if you can’t, don’t worry, I will give you something to write in the meantime. But right now, I need to do a little checkup. Qiqi, come with me.”

He turned to the medical devices and looked to see if everything was normal, at the same time, he gave the little girl a list of things to go collect. She immediately trotted outside of the room. 

While the doctor was doing his work, you landed your gaze at the ceiling and breathed deeply and felt your stomach ache, making you wince.

“Don’t breathe too hard, you may hurt yourself.” He advised and you nodded.

As you closed your eyes, you began to slowly drift away in your thoughts. WHat happened ? Why were you hurt ? What is this place ? Who am I ? … 

Huh ? Who… am I ? 

Suddenly, your head started to throb violently as you wanted to clutch your temples. You were unable to move and felt a cold sensation that caused sweat to appear on your forehead. Your fingers trembled due to the extreme coldness. You experienced intense pain in my head, tears began to well up in your eyes as your muscles ached. The loud buzzing in your ears made it impossible to hear anything except for your own voice, which kept repeating the same words.

“It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts…”

You were overwhelmed by excruciating pain coursing through your entire body. Your stomach was bleeding, your head throbbed relentlessly, your ears buzzed incessantly, and the pressure from clenching your teeth only intensified the agony. You found yourself completely immobilized, defenseless against the torment inflicted by your inner demons, slowly consuming you from within.

Something felt off, and Baizhu swiftly reacted by grabbing a syringe and injecting it into your shaking arm. A cold liquid meddled with your blood, causing your body to relax but not your thoughts.

“Why, why, why, why, why, why…”

You strained your eyes, trying to cut through the blinding haze of stars and patches of darkness that engulfed your vision. Amidst this chaotic backdrop, a face emerged, a face that exuded a sense of warmth and kindness. It belonged to a man with vibrant hair, which appeared to be an intriguing mix of green and blue. Uncertain about the exact color, you couldn't help but feel an inexplicable urge to focus on his face, believing that doing so would bring an end to the torment you were experiencing.

As you continued to gaze at the man's face, the stars gradually faded away, and it took a brief moment before your vision became entirely clear. All that remained in your line of sight were the captivating soft golden eyes of the man.

“Are you calmed now, little one ?” His words could finally reach your ears and you nodded, panting. His hands were on your cheeks, holding your face in place so you could only look at him.

He took a moment to breathe, exhaling deeply while settling into the chair next to the bed. Carefully, he set the syringe on the nightstand before turning his gaze towards you. 

"I think you just had a panic attack. I will bring you some things to eat to calm yourself and we can begin to talk a little." He said as he wiped the tears from your face, then he stood up and got out of the room.

His serene voice helped you calm yourself, you carefully took a breath and closed your eyes. Relieving in the quiet environment, you felt the warm embrace of the bed. 

Your head felt like a mush and your eyes were still burning a little from the tears.

"But still, who am I ?"  Your head stinged a little as you asked yourself this question but you remained calm.

"Do you think you can eat a little ?" 

You turned your head and saw the man approaching with a bowl and a notepad in his hands. You nodded as he placed them on the table and slowly helped you to sit up. 

Comfortably positioned, you took the bowl he handed you. The appealing scent made your mouth water a little. You looked at him and pointed at the food, asking him what it was.

"It's just some porridge, I don't know exactly what you liked so I made something simple, it would be good if you could finish it entirely."

You nodded, he was right, you were feeling really hungry. How much time has it been since you'd last eaten ? Brushing your thoughts aside, you took the spoon and started to eat. 

Warm, the first positive sensation since you've woken up was this warmth spreading in your body, you almost shed some tears. 

"You like it ? I'm glad" He smiled as he sat on the chair. He crossed his legs and put the notepad on your lap. 

"I think it's for me to introduce myself, my name is Baizhu, I'm the owner of Bubu pharmacy and a doctor. May I ask your name ?" 

You placed the bowl beside you and took the notepad, Baizhu waited patiently for you. After a moment, you handed him your reply.

"First Thank you, and pleased to meet you doctor. But I don't know who I am. When I try to think about it my head hurts."

Baizhu pondered upon reading the note, his hand resting on his chin as he gazed into the distance. He remained quiet, lost in thought, while you finished your meal without leaving a single crumb behind.

"Do you remember something ? It can be anything." He asked, his golden eyes looking deeply into yours.

You shook your head, showing that no, you couldn't remember a thing. 

"Well, this is going to be complicated, but don't worry, I will help you. For now, you need to concentrate on getting better and then we can think about the rest." He stated seriously, he's a doctor for sure.

"Oh, but we need to find you a name in the meantime. Do you have an idea, dear ?" He stood up and took the empty bowl beside you.

"A name ? What could it be ?" You looked around you and your gaze landed on a plant, it wasn't big but it was pretty, with little purple flowers.

"This." Your voice was hoarse as you pointed at the plant, and though it still hurted a little, it was fine.

Baizhu turned around to look at the plant and laughed softly. 

"Good choice, it's a rosemary. It is believed to help with memory." He picked a branch of the plant and handed it to you. 

"Well pleased to meet you too, Rosemary." He smiled as you took the branch and looked at him.

"Why do you help me ?" You asked with a faint voice but Baizhu heard it. 

"I'm a doctor, wouldn't it be more unusual if I didn't help you ? And please, write instead of speaking for now." He responded as the little girl arrived in the room with a bunch of products spilling over her tiny arms. He relieved her from it and placed everything on the table, she let out a little sigh and looked at what Baizhu was doing.

"I present to you Qiqi, she's my assistant and protégée. Please, be patient with her, she's a little… slow." He said as he continued to mind his things. 

"Hi." You greeted her with a little smile.

She propped her head on the bed to look at you and muttered a little 'hello'. Maybe she didn't liked strangers, you didn't mind it and patiently waited for Baizhu. 

"Now, I need to examine you a little more. I already did the first aid but since you're up, I can work more correctly. As well as your bleeding wound here." 

You looked at your stomach and he was right, there was a red patch. 

"Do I need to remove my clothes ?" You asked with the notepad, feeling a little embarrassed even if you didn't know what your body looked like.

"Yes please, but you can keep your underwear if you feel the need to." He said, still minding his business with the products on the table.

You slowly but surely took off your clothes, one by one. But when you tried to remove your damaged pants you felt a tugging sensation down your back. You turned your head to look at what it was and it left you completely surprised.

It was a tail, well, it looked like it. A green and fluffy tail. Were you not human ?

You tried to make it move and the tail wagged a little, it made you happy and your tail swished more. Wait, so if you had a tail, did you have ears ? Or other animal parts ? You touched the top of your head and felt two big ears. They moved a little when you stroked them, making you giggle softly.

Baizhu turned to look at you when he heard you laugh and smiled fondly. “So she can laugh, that's a good start.”

“Are you ready, dear ?” You looked at him, and nodded in response.

You had removed everything apart from your bra and underwear, praying that you wouldn’t have to take them off.

Baizhu sat on the bed, next to your legs. He started to examine them with a feather light touch, trying to not trigger any negative reactions. His careful demeanor warmed your heart, he really seemed like a good doctor.

After a little while, he moved to examine your abdomen. When his hands touched near the wound, you tensed, clenching the rosemary branch in your hand.

“Sorry, I will try to be as gentle as possible.” He said looking into your eyes with an apologetic look. You took a breath and tried to relax. He muttered something to Qiqi and the child immediately ran to a cabinet, took something in her little hand and ran to the other side of the bed. 

“Here, take this. It will help you with the pain.” She placed a pill in your hand and looked at you. “Ah, water.” She reminded herself and brought you a glass. The pill didn’t had any taste so it was easy to swallow.

Baizhu began to treat the injury meticulously while ordering Qiqi around at the same time. You looked outside the little window, trying to focus on something else and allowing the doctor to work.

“Rosemary, could you look here please ?” Your ears perked, his voice taking you out of your thoughts. You looked at him and he pointed at you stomach.

Your wound was neatly stitched up but Baizhu wasn’t pointing at this. Next to the injury was a symbol, it looked like a flower with four petals. A circle was placed in each one. 

“Does it remind you of something ? It’s a tattoo.” Baizhu demanded.

You shook your head and wrote on the notepad. “No, sorry.” 

Baizhu pondered for a moment and said. “All right, I will look if I can find anything about this with a friend.” 

…

After conducting a thorough examination of your body with the assistance of Qiqi, Baizhu discovered that you belonged to a race he had never encountered before, which bore a striking resemblance to a fox. Apart from the visible wound, your back was adorned with numerous scars, leading Baizhu to conclude that they were most likely the result of multiple surgeries.

He even offered to do a gynecological examination but you rejected it, you didn’t felt comfortable enough. 

Instead, you took upon his proposition to wash up. Qiqi prepared a nice and warm bath while Baizhu showed you a room with everything you might need. He explained that you could stay at Bubu pharmacy until he’d find a way to help you, and he needed to keep an eye on your state. Plus, you didn’t had anywhere to go, for now.

After thanking him warmly, you walked to the bathroom and closed the door. Once alone, you took off all your clothes you had put back on and entered the warm bath. The water enveloped your damaged body, comforting you like a hug. The sensation felt extremely familiar, did you had many baths before ?

“Shh he’s gone now, It’s okay.”  The gentle boy tilted your chin up to get a better look at your face and the evidence of the fight. He delicately thumbs away the streak of blood by your mouth, saying nothing as he examines it. After a brief pause, your heart skips a nervous beat as the boy looks you dead in the eyes. His voice is quiet and tense, his anger barely restrained. He hugged you tightly, stroking the small of your back. “I’m here y/n, you don’t have to be alone…” 

Thanks for reading hope you liked &lt;3

part 2

[chemicalarospec]

hi im a terf misandrist following you . just letting you know i will be spreading your posts to radblr and everyone will know youre one of us :)

On the off chance you take a look at this response (let's be honest, who's really gonna follow-up on a hate anon, but you did say you're my follower), let's start with the important thoughts I have for you: what is it that makes the men evil? The testostrone? Why, then all women are evil too, because that's a universal hormone! The Y chromosome? I'm not famaliar with TERF ideology but what about intersex women, who were raised as women and live as women and might not even know? Do TERFs reject these poor, innocent women, victim to biological diversity? Is it the fact that men occupy the privileged position in society? Well, then if you enact your dream society and subjugate men and institute a matriarchy, wouldn't all women become evil?

And spend a moment thinking about how much it hurts to be known as someone you're not -- something I assume you understand since you appear to be attempting to threaten me with it. Think about hating your body, and how horrible that would be if you felt that way about the place in society you take. Why do you inflict such pain upon people, for such little benefit? You try to protect the norms of society or the division of men and women, yet both of those things have been very different across cultures and times.

From your attitude, I may be talking to the King TERF themself here, but, hey, it's worth a shot. Consider these things.

Okay now on to the normal response (if you want to get in a catfight and not debate, start here) because, despite how much I try, I am a person of very little patience and sometimes I just want to let it out.

I love how you started out so frightening and then just gave the least impactful threat of all time. I guess that would be scary to people who TERFwatch all the time and are terrified as being percieved as bigoted idiots? But, believe it or not, I actually have more than one active brain area and didn't even think to feel fear at that. And I instantly took "everyone" to mean "all FARTs" (usually I don't deal in useless insults but now really seems like the time) because most of this website already has yall blocked and nobody likes TERFs but TERFs. Hey, maybe that's a hint that your ideology doesn't make any sense in the real world when you take a step back!

If "everyone knowing [I'm] a [person completely lacking empathy and intelligence]" is your goal I don't see how you will succeed because I have both those traits and share none of your views. But if you're offering to give me some free notes, I do have some other unpopular opinions, and I'd love to strike a deal, whip up a few posts, and convert all TERFs to being anti- magic crystals, witchcraft, astrology belief, and pseudoscience/anti-science attitudes in general! Just like your beliefs, these ones are not popular with feminism at large, which is a sign you should adopt them! (However, unlike your beliefs, mine do not involve making the world unsafe for for people who believe differently (not that I respect them, but I can let them live freely), so maybe they're not cruel enough for you.)

In any case, as I love blocking people and investigating things, you've made me look forward to carefully examining my followers to root you out :)

A threat for a threat is only a fair trade, so here's my threat to you: One day, you're going to mature. You'll realize that if your beliefs are shared by people who don't "believe" in evolution and climate change and tell people to "go back to where you came from" -- and believed for the same reasons --, they aren't the most measured and sensible convictions. You're going to realize that hating any one group of people and calling them evil, especially for something they cannot change, is worse than offensive and bigoted: it's illogical.

(And make friends IRL. I think that would help you get a sense of reality.)

[matthewtkachuk]

wow, so you might have noticed i’ve been a little absent from tumblr these past few days, a couple of things happened that reminded me i have a lot to be thankful and grateful for

first: i hit 1k last week which just absolutely blows my fuckin mind, y’all do not know how grateful i am for each and every one of you. it genuinely feels like yesterday i was nervously writing the first part of feel something and now i’ve got a whole masterlist and a giant support system. thank yall for always supporting me and treating me so good i love you guys so so so much

second: saturday night i was in a pretty serious accident with a deer, i’m okay (super super sore tho fml) my car is well... my car is not okay. at the end of the day i am just grateful to be alive and relatively okay - always wear your seatbelts you guys!!!! i firmly believe we would be having a much different conversation if my seatbelt hadn’t locked 

so i thought it would be fun to do a game/ask night and celebration to celebrate 1k and walking away from my accident - the theme is simply my most used emojis

🥺: let me simp over you - could be a blog compliment, fic compliment, something i love about you, maybe me simping abt our friendship?? idk let me have free reign to love on you

🤷🏼‍♀️: typical games - would you rather, fmk, send me a number and i’ll shuffle my liked songs on spotify and tell you what song comes up after that many skips, literally any other celly game you can think of  (pls no cym it gives me anxiety)

✨: let’s get dramatic - tell me a secret and i’ll tell you one of mine (you can go on anon if you want!!)

👀: kink same or kink shame - tell me your kink and i’ll tell you if i share it (lex gave me this idea a few cellys ago and i’ve wanted to do it but never fit it in before so creds to her ig)

🌻: this is my positivity tag emoji lol - send me something positive and i’ll send you something positive back (maybe something really awesome happened to you today?? maybe you have a fave positive quote?? maybe you just want to see a picture of my puppies??)

😭: the angsssstttt - let’s talk angsty fics, have a good fic rec to make me cry?? wanna talk about some of the pain i’ve inflicted via my masterlist??

🥵: let’s thirst - send me ur nfsw thoughts?? send me your celeb crushes and let’s simp?? (rae if u submit something abt pegging i will delete it :) )

😇: anything goes here - idk i like to have an option with no prompt because some of my favorite celebration stuff has come from these so

[obligatory taggin some moots so it don’t flop statement] [obligatory sorry if i missed tagging you i love you so much i’m just still in shock from the force of hittng a deer at 110 km/hr statement or alternatively i’m worried im annoying you and dont wanna tag you to be annoying idk could go either way]:

@rekrappeter​​ @girlsru1eboysdroo1​​  @sortagaysortahigh​​ @euphoricmalfoy​​ @socialwriter​​ @anxietyandtacos​​ @rudyypankow​​ @midnightmagicmusings​​ @mdlyncline​​ @jellyfishbeansontoast​​ @bricksatanakinswindow​​ @stargazingstarkey​​ @anonymous0writer​​ @softstarkey​​ @sguymon21​​ @danicarosaline​​ @notphilosopherstudentblog​​ @outrbanks​​ @downbytheouterbanks​​ @royalmerchant​​ @butgilinsky​​ @jjaybank​​ @popeheywards​​  @tempestuousjj​​ @rae131415​ @https-luna​​​ @love-chx​​ @outerbankslut​​ @honeyycheek​​ ​​ @kookkyra​​​ @cognacdelights​​ @stfukie​​​ @pogueszn​​  @starkeybabie​​ @x-lulu​​  @spideymyluv​​ @sguymon21​​  @angellissy​​ @drewstarkey​​ @ilovejjmaybank​ @kindahavefeelingskindaheartless​ @jiaraendgame​

[surveysonfleek]

1605.

Do you wear lipgloss, lipstick, chapstick or nothing at all? on the daily, i always wear lipbalm. i only really wear lipstick for events

What’s one thing that has pissed you off in the past five days? |that we’ve had to go back to the office. technically government advice says we dont have to but our work basically ‘forced’ us. still annoyed.

Do you say ‘flexible’ or ‘bendy’? flexible. ive never used ‘bendy’ ever

Are you wearing a belt right now? nope, im in pjs

Are your feet propped up on something? im in bed so my feet are up i guess

Do you worry about things that aren’t your responsibility? unfortunately yes, its sooo annoying

How often do you say ‘ain’t’ or ‘y’all’? i say aint from time to time but i dont usually say yall

Can you do a cartwheel somewhere in your house and not hit anything? yes, at the front of the house. buuuut i cant cartwheel lmao

Are your eyes wide, narrow or in between? inbetween id say

Are you currently tired? If so, why? im not that tired if im honest. only coz i had a nap which is really bad since now i wont be able to sleep tonight lmao

Have you seen the movie Avatar? If so, did you like it? Why or why not? yes, ive seen it once. super long but it was great! it deserved the hype it got

Do you know someone who has been kidnapped? no

What have you sacrificed in the past year? honestly... not much. i should start being more productive tbh

Do you state the obvious frequently? yup!

Have you ever told someone that it would be better if they killed themself? never.

Are you emotionally sensitive? hmm not really but it doesnt take much for me to switch my mood. someone would just need to know how to push my buttons

What’s in your pockets, if anything? no pockets

Do you own a watch? yup! ive had my apple watch for nearly two years now. lasted longer than my old one!

How do you feel when people talk about you as if you’re not in the room? this doesnt happen often but whenever i hear my name, im like, what?

Do you own a knife? just kitchen knives

What’s your favourite vowel? ii dont have one fave

Aren’t cupcakes just basically mini cakes? Why not call them mini cakes instead?! no point changing the name now! plus the word ‘cupcake’ is cute

Have you ever told your parents to shut up before? haha never. i wouldnt have the heart to

Do you tend to correct people? yeah, i cant help it sometimes.

What’s the stupidest thing that you have lied about? im blank right now but i make a lot of white lies lol

How many necklaces do you own? i owned sooooo many when i was younger. i went through that phase of buying heaps of fake jewellery. i only wear one necklace one, its a tiny one that says ‘d’

Have you ever been to Forever 21? yes

Have you ever tasted glue? i dont think so

When’s the last time you inflicted pain upon yourself? just last saturday. i was watching hamilton live and my stomach was hurting soooooo bad. i was pinching myself so i had that to focus on. the last thing i wanted to do was get up in the midde of the show to go to the bathroom.

Cruise ship or sail boat? cruise for sure!

Do you know every word to the song you hate most? nah

Where were you at this time three days ago? i was in the city, having more fun than i am now

How do you take out your anger? sleeping it off

Have you ever woken up and your arms were sore, but you didn’t know why? yeah but i mostly assume its from the way i slept

Your name, list two different ways to spell it. rather not share my name coz its a weird spelling that is basically google-able

Do you prefer fridges with vertical doors? yup! i dont remember the last time we had a fridge the other way

Are visitors allowed to smoke in your house? no, they can smoke outside if necessary

What, about the economy, bothers you most? all of it!

Have you ever said ‘off the chain’? haha i probably did when i was a teenager

Do you put fruit in your cereal? nope

Lime green lights or orange lights? i think id like green better

[todoroski]

spoilers may be ahead for tpn !! anime only watchers, beware lol

(i know woke thinking is loving ot3 but here me out...) anyway i wanted to just express how much i love rayemma’s relationship? how much i LOVE ray’s character development? the ray before...from 6 years old until the last day he was 11 -- he carried so much pain and burden on his own. for the sake of his friends he was willing to sacrifice everything. but emma showed him that there’s another way. even though ray truly can’t believe nor understand emma’s plans, he trusts her. ray thought that after norman was ‘shipped’ away the only way to survive was to sacrifice himself (something he said he planned as his final trump card for years)

but that night emma had other plans - she was going to escape with EVERYONE (yes norman perfectly predicted ray’s actions, but i am so sure emma wouldnt let ray die otherwise even without norman’s warning)

that day emma saved him ray realized his value, and the pain he inflicted onto the ones he loved without realizing. I feel so sad knowing that norman is now carrying that guilt and burden by himself...because he feels that its the only way he can put a smile on the ‘cattle children’s’ faces.

i wonder if ray and emma will return from the seven walls in time. norman’s plan for the demons make sense but emma’s morals makes sense as well and there is another alternative that she proposed.

on a sidenote im torn because n*remma /seems/ mutual because 1. norman said he liked her in the first arc, 2. that one time emma talked about norman and shoujo bubbles appeared?!?! and THEIR REUNION? im soft, and finally 3. the softness in norman’s face when regarding her I AM SOFT

but i still cant help but lean towards rayemma kdjlfhsajdhlfj cuz honestly tsundere boy with bright smiley girl gets me WEAK!! the tru definition of day and night :((( and their panels are always together and it really warms my heart that ray and emma understand each other without words. when they meet norman again its clear that norman understands emma but not to the level of ray? i cant really pinpoint why i adore rayemma so much, maybe its the EMMA!!! RAY!!! that reminds me of INUYASHA!!! KAGOME!!! or maybe i just feel like their relationship has so much substance, understanding, comfort, and reminiscence of home. it just feels so natural?? anyway i digress into my own rayemma agenda but if yall wanna yell abt them more FEEL FREE

[blazinbeautywrites]

But You’re Not Mine

Note: Due to the rampant uprising of plagiarism on this site and others I am stating once and once only that this is my ORIGINAL work. If I find out that you have stolen/taken any part of my work I will handle you and the situation the way I see fit.

None of the pics of gifs I use belong to me so full credit goes to the originators of said gifs and pics.

Length: 1,667 words

Genre: Slight smut/Angst

They both knew it was wrong but here they were hot, sweaty messes tangled up in the sheets of a high class hotel. Yugyeom knew that going after his bandmate’s girl was fucked up but he didn’t give a fuck.

“I bet JB doesn’t fuck you like this.”Yugyeom grunted as he thrusted in and out of Zanai at an inhumane pace.

“God no...OH MY GOD!” Zanai yelled as she reached an earth shattering orgasm. Slick with sweat, Yugyeom finally exploded and as his body shook at the release of his own orgasm. Zanai moaned at the aftershocks of her own. She closed her legs at an attempt to dull the aching between her legs but to no avail.

“That was amazing. I love your pussy so fucking much.” Yugyeom breathed out as he turned to face her. Zanai gave him a weak smile then got out of bed in search of her clothes.

“You always say that.” She let out a small laugh. The guilt never failed to hit her after an amazing rendezvous with Yugyeom. She thought back to the first time she met the group when JYP flew her to South Korea to choreograph JUS2’s comeback. After a few months she and JB started dating yet she always felt drawn to Yugyeom. She was helping him perfect a move one night when he kissed her. 

“Hey, you okay?” Yugyeom asked, snapping her out of her thoughts.

“Yeah just thinking about the first time I met you. JB and the guys.” Zanai said.

“Why are you thinking about that?” Yugyeom asked.

“Cuz I feel like shit Yugyeom! I’ve been cheating on my boyfriend for the past year with his bandmate. This is so wrong yet I keep coming back to you. You’re like a fucking drug I don’t know how to quit.” Zanai yelled. She quickly put on her clothes and moved to grab her phone when Yugyeom stopped her.

“Please don’t go. I love you.” Yugyeom pleaded.

“I’m sorry. I need some space. Please don’t call or text me.” Zanai said. With that she left him a mess in the dirty sheets to wallow in his own hurt and anger.

“Well if that’s the game you’re gonna play.” Yugyeom muttered under his breath. He pulled out his phone and sent a few pics and screenshots of texts to a place he’d never thought he’d contact: Dispatch.

******************

When Zanai arrived to her apartment she saw JB’s car and dreaded seeing him, especially in her current state. She did her best to look like she didn’t just get the common sense fucked out of her and walked into her building and up to her floor. Upon opening the door she saw JB sitting on the sofa and her heart immediately dropped at the sight of his bright smile.

“Hey baby. How was work? Are you okay?”JB asked as he surveyed her. He got worried she’d overworked herself.

“I’m fine, just a bit tired and a little hungry.” Zanai replied.

“I ordered some Indian food for us. Practice ended early since Yugyeom decided not to even show the fuck up. I don’t know what’s been up with him but for the past year something in him completely shifted. He seems more smug.” JB said.

“I mean he is the maknae and yall let him get away with too much shit.” Zanai said. She shifted where she stood, hoping he wouldn’t notice her nervousness.

“You okay? You seem a little nervous. You sure nothing happened today?”JB asked.

“No it’s just been a long ass day. I need to shower.” Zanai said. As she headed towards her bedroom, she was stopped dead in her tracks by his next words.

“Who is he?” JB asked. Zanai turned around and looked him dead in the eyes. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were dead. Fuck she’d been caught.

“What are you ta-” He cut her off.

“Don’t fucking lie to me. I can fucking smell the sex on you. Who have you been fucking cuz it sure as hell wasn’t me.” JB said.

“JB-I-I’m sorry. It meant nothing I swear.” Zanai tried to grab his hand but he recoiled in disgust.

“How long?” JB asked.

“What?” Zanai replied.

“How long have you been fucking him?” JB asked. He really didn’t want to know the answer but he was sick of being in the dark in his own relationship.

“A year.” Zanai felt so ashamed. She’d hurt the one person she’d never thought she’d hurt and now she was going to lose him.

“Woooooow. So for half of our relationship you were with another man? What the fuck is wrong with you? Am I not enough for you?” JB asked.

“You are enough for me. Don’t say that.” Zanai cried.

“Obviously I’m not since you went out and got another dick. Tell me, does he fuck you better than I do?” JB demanded.

“JB………….” Zanai looked away.

“Well I guess I have my answer. Have a good life Zanai. We’re done.” JB said. He grabbed his things and moved to leave when Zanai grabbed his arm to stop him.

“Please don’t go.” Zanai pleaded.

“I SAID WE’RE FUCKING DONE!” JB yelled. With that he walked out and slammed her door.

Zanai was numb. She couldn’t believe that she just hurt him like that. She hated cheaters and knew how much that shit hurts from experience and now she’d inflicted that pain onto someone else. She was disappointed in herself and hated the person she’d become. Zanai finally headed to her room to shower and go to bed. She just wanted to sleep and never wake up.

*******************

The next morning Zanai woke up feeling like shit. She was completely drained and void of all emotion and feeling. She reached for her phone but soon remembered she’d left it in her bag.

Walking back to her living room, Zanai went to her purse to retrieve her phone. Once she pulled it out she saw that it was lit up with notifications. She was getting mentions and tags in all kinds of tweets and instagram posts. Choosing to ignore it she went back to her room to get ready for work. After what seemed like forever she was finally heading out of her apartment. Upon walking up to the JYP building, Zanai noticed that her key card wasn’t allowing her to open the door. She saw one of her fellow choreographers and waved to get her attention.

“Hey Yeojin my key card doesn’t work, can you let me in?” Zanai asked.

“Ummm sure.”Yeojin said. As she let her into the building, Zanai noticed how quiet everyone seemed and how they all stared at her.

“What’s going on?” Zanai asked.

“Uhh maybe we should go somewhere more private.”Yeojin said. Yeojin walked them to an empty practice room to talk.

“Okay what’s going on? Why was everyone looking at me like that?” Zanai demanded.

“Did you not check your phone this morning? It’s all over the news. Dispatch reported on it.” Yeojin said.

“Reported on what?” Zanai said. She was panicking.

“Your affair with Yugyeom. There’s pictures, texts, and even a video of you guys in bed together. All the major Korean news sites have reported on it.” Yeojin.

“Oh my fucking god. Has everyone seen it?” Zanai asked. Before Yeojin could answer there was a loud commotion in the hallway.

Zanai and Yeojin left the practice room to see JB throwing different objects and trying to get to Yugyeom. It took Jinyoung and Mark to hold him back. Once Zanai saw Yugyeom she walked up to him and gave him a hard smack across his cheek.

“Really? You just gon hit me?” Yugyeom said, holding his cheek.

“You’re the one that leaked the shit! How else would they have gotten all of that information? Why the fuck would you do that?” Zanai yelled.

“I fucking told you I loved you and you barely even acknowledged it. I got tired of you having your cake and eating it too.” Yugyeom said.

“So, what you leaked all of our business to teach me a fucking lesson? You’re fucking pathetic.” Zanai.

“No. What’s pathetic is you fucking your boyfriend’s bandmate then turning around and fucking him with my cum fresh on your tongue. How my kids taste JB?” Yugyeom bragged. JB lunged at him but Jinyoung andMark held him firm.

“Wooooow. You’re an asshole. I fucking hate you with all my heart.” Zanai said.

“I’ll be an asshole but you’ll forever be a cheater and now the whole world knows it. And if your key card wasn’t a hint, JYP fired your ass.” Yugyeom said. He walked away and right out of the building. Shocked at what her life has come to, she turned to face JB and the rest of the group.

“I’m so sorry guys. I never meant to hurt any of you. I promise this is the last time you’ll see me.” Zanai said. As she made her way to the door JB spoke out to her.

“Why wasn’t I enough for you? 2 years. I gave you 2 years. Why wasn’t I good enough?” JB asked.

“It wasn’t you. It was all me. I-I was drawn to him since the beginning and I let him draw me in. I knew it was wrong and I still did it. I’m a shitty person and you deserve better than me. You deserve a woman who won’t fuck your best friend and breakyour heart and humiliate you in front of the world. I really am sorry JB.” Zanai said. She said her goodbyes to her former co workers and headed out onto the streets of Seoul.

She knew her career in South Korea was over and she had no one to blame but herself. She’d destroyed her career and the man she loved. That’s something she’ll always have to live with. 

She’d made her messy ass bed and now she had no choice but to lay in it.

[journeywithmo]

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the release of resentment; it replaces the negative feelings often harbored toward offenders with neutral feelings or in some cases, positive feelings. Forgiveness doesn’t automatically mean reconciliation.

All of us have been hurt a time or two rather that was by a friend, family member, stranger or even often ourselves. Pain is something that is inevitable to dodge. It’s a part of life and it’s a part of who we are. The pain inflicted on us or on others have in one way or another shaped our lives rather that was for better or for worse. When you are hurt it’s not an easy thing to get over depending on what it is. Some pain lasts a lifetime while others last only moments. But with pain comes the word forgiveness. I know you often hear “you have to forgive” and in the back of your head I know you’re thinking “NO I DON’T!” You’re thinking that person or thing is not worthy enough of your forgiveness. Some people don’t even care if they are forgiven and not in fact, they don’t think or even know that they hurt you but the thing about forgiveness is it’s for you and not for them. It’s a cliché but it’s so true. In your mind I know your response is “it ain’t for me I’m good with or without them” or some of us have even tricked ourselves into believing that we have forgiven someone. Now ya’ll wondering how I know the all these thoughts and it’s only because I know the feeling all too well.

I’m extremely good at suppressing my emotions. To the point of people calling me heartless, numb, or a little boy lol. I will go about life like almost nothing bothers me until I’m ready to explode. Suppressing is my way of dealing with things. I don’t want to feel no emotions behind hurt because then that makes me vulnerable and to me vulnerability is a sign of weakness and let’s be clear I’m not weak and I don’t want to be looked at as weak in the eyes of nobody! But what I’ve learned is suppressing those emotions are not a good thing. The feelings come back up one way or another and it usually shows itself at the smallest thing or when I least expect it. What I’ve learned is suppressed hurt manifests itself in other ways. For me it comes out in the way I treat people, how I communicate, how I love others and myself. Hurt and pain shows itself as jealousy, anger, low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, rage, lack of self-love and many other things. I am quick to cut a person off without notice I won’t explain my reasoning or the hurt behind my decision until I absolutely have to.

Two weeks ago, today I decided to get baptized. I was visiting one of my sisters’ church and after service her pastor walked up to me and asked had I been baptized of course my answer was no. she followed up with the question why and in that moment the I just didn’t have a good reason. Now the thought of baptism had definitely crossed my mind plenty of times but for me I wanted to belong to a church home, be comfortable with my pastor and everything. I thought that doing something like that was super special and I just didn’t want anybody doing it. I wanted somebody who would be paramount in my walk with Christ. But when she asked that question none of my reservations or concerns came to mind. I agreed to get baptized that following Monday at 7pm. Now on my way home from church I was very emotional just crying and thanking God. Almost home my godmother crossed my mind. Now my relationship with my godmother has be strained for quite some time and we haven’t talked since March, but she was heavy on my heart and I cried like a baby. Ultimately my godmother was the person who introduced me to Christ she played a big part in my getting to know him so for me her not being there would be equivalent to her missing my wedding.  Now in that moment I just knew God was telling me to invite her to my baptism and make amends with her. So later that night I texted her to invite her to my baptism. The night went and the next day approached and I still hadn’t got a response from her, but I still went about my day. I got baptized and let me just tell yall it was really one of the best feelings in my life. After I came out the water the holy spirit just came over me. Now I couldn’t speak in tongues, but I felt closer to God. I felt renewed, more enlightened, lite, free and confident in who I am. The next day after my baptism I felt kind of heavy, and I remember feeling innocent. I didn’t want to go to work because I wanted to preserve all my innocence. Now while I was laying in the bed the thought came to my head that God wasn’t telling me to invite her, but he was telling me to forgive her. The pain and the hurt that I was holding on to (and still am) is what was holding me back from actually being able to be completely swept in the presence of God and begin to speak his Holy language. Since that was revealed to me, I’ve been on a mission to forgive. And it’s not for her but it’s for me! Holding on to pain that she may and may not know about is hindering my progress and my relationship with the father.  Now I’m not about to sit here and tell ya’ll that I totally forgive her, and I am just a walking perfect example for forgiveness. But I will tell you all that I’m putting in the steps. I’ve began studying my bible about the word forgiveness. I’m allowing myself to relive moments and feel all the pain that I have suppressed. I’m allowing myself to be hurt, disappointed and just mad! My next step after writing this is to allow myself to scream out to God how I feel and let him deal with the rest. I’ve read a scripture that has stuck out the most to me

Luke 6:36-37 Show mercy and compassion for others, just as your heavenly Father overflows with mercy and compassion for all.” Jesus said, “Forsake the habit of criticizing and judging others, and then you will not be criticized and judged in return. Don’t look at others and pronounce them guilty, and you will not experience guilty accusations yourself. Forgive over and over and you will be forgiven over and over.

That scripture alone has made me look at things in a whole new light! If God can forgive me repeatedly and never judge me based off the things that I’ve done I HAVE to extend that same mercy and love to others just like Christ has done for me. Like I said this thing is far from easy, but I dare you to begin sister. I dare you to allow yourself to feel and be hurt and I dare you to start forgiving. You are not in this alone I am there with you on this same journey as you. Taking all my power back that I have given to human beings who were designed to make mistakes. Once you begin to feel and begin to be honest with yourself all the other things will come easy. Write out what hurts you, pray about it, talk about it. if you don’t have anybody to talk to talk to me, I’m here open and willing to be of assistance. It is my belief if one woman is winning then we all are winning but most importantly we are in a better position to help one another. Therefore, allow me to help you so that you can be the help that another woman may need. You are my motivation! I support you! I believe in you and most importantly I love you!

[im-no-jedi]

I am just…. SO disappointed in how many people want to kill Uldren again now that he’s a Guardian. like… really? ya’ll are just gonna let your rage take control of you like that, huh?

like I am legit seeing people say they would kill his Ghost just so he could stay permadead, and YALL. W. T. F. IS WRONG WITH YOU.

please just… take it from someone who’s been in your shoes. it’s. not. worth it.

the entirety of my summer this year was spent with me in major depression over what was going to happen in Forsaken, coupled with my unadulterated rage towards Uldren Sov. I spent every day for almost three months thinking about how I want to kill him and get my revenge for what he did to Cayde. I cried myself to sleep some nights. I even made a freaking revenge playlist that I listened to every freaking time I took a shower for almost three months.

then guess what? Forsaken came out, I killed Uldren, and I still wasn’t satisfied. you know what did finally set me straight again? LETTING IT GO. I decided that not only was I going to let go of all the pain and suffering that I had been inflicting on myself for the past three months, but I was going to forgive Uldren and regret taking my aggression out on him in the first place.

I’ve been joking about it for the past couple weeks since the leak but ya’ll, I actually came up with the idea of Uldren becoming a Guardian like, back in September. that’s how much I moved on from it. I went from thinking Uldren Sov was the biggest scumbag to ever exist to now becoming a full-fledged STAN for this man!!! I will legit fight you for him!!! He deserved better!!!!!!!

I seriously understand where you guys are coming from, I really do. Cayde was my favorite character, I loved him with all my heart and soul, he was what got me interested in playing Destiny in the first place. and seeing him get brutally murdered like he did absolutely broke me. I would go to my therapist every week over the summer and just rant to her about how upset I was. I miss Cayde every single day… SO much… I’m crying as I type this out right now, I’m not kidding ;___;

but seriously. all that pain and hurt you’re feeling? you can let it go. you don’t have to let it control you. and you definitely don’t have to take it out on Uldren, who is just as much of a victim as Cayde was (seriously, go look up his lore tabs sometime, this man’s been through some CRAP ok).

Uldren is a Guardian now, and he has NO memory of who he was before. he’s an innocent victim now, and killing him again would honestly make YOU the bad guy instead of him. give him another chance. and please… just try to move on. you will NOT regret it.

[theremarkablethingsaboutlove]

because the kitten is a little creature from hell, he often launches himself at me, trying to climb my body like a tree to get to my arms rather than standing there and meowing like a reasonable person and i have to pry his little claws out of my skin, which obviously means my legs are full of scratches. the other day i sat down and realized that i had four little dots precisely on the shape of his small paw because he'd just. lodged himself in there as i howled in pain, yes? but now that i am away from him and missing him terribly—what's that i raised a kitten during quarantine now i have attachment issues joke—i keep running my fingers over this healing wound he inflicted on me and going, but i miss him so much

and i would like yall to imagine that with your OCs now, in a context more serious than a cat's claws

[jaehyunskitten22]

so i was looking at your pending requests and i saw your commentary besides the top request, “yall alright i think of him in a relationship with a big girl all the time and i have some thoughts on tgis too dirty to share here so I’m just gonna keep it to myself ahem” make my christmas wish come true and PLEASE SHARE i’m very eyes emoji right now

ALRIGHT SO TO ME TOP SEEMS TO LIKE PRETTY THINGS A LOT RIGHT. He is a big fan of modern art, and in modern art one has to be able to see the meaning behind it as it usually isn’t a straightforward still life or something similar. Likewise, I believe TOP knows the people he is close to extremely well, as he likes to contemplate the meaning of things and what makes people tick and think the way they think. Basically what I am saying here is that I believe TOP looks at personality above all else. Because of this he doesn’t strike me as someone who would see something like not meeting Korea’s idea of standard beauty or whatever as a deal breaker. I feel like he would really enjoy you not looking like everyone else he sees and how unique you are. Now referring to the dirty thoughts I had about this subject, I’m not sure if i am going to be able to remember them all because I typed that I think like 7 months ago but tbh im not sure. Leading up to that, modern art (modern fashion comes to mind as I think about this) tends to push and try to challenge society’s ideas of what is beautiful and attractive and as shitty as it is, plus size/fat/chubby’whatever girls do that. This might sound bad, but he would almost see being with you as challenging what he has been taught to like by society and he would really enjoy that. He would of course love you, like he isn’t just with you solely for challenging society and it’s norms. There would definitely be a layer of attraction there, as I believe that you have to find someone attractive in some way in order to be in a relationship with them as it’s human nature and instinct but anyway that’s a whole other discussion. He would find big girls beautiful and a major layer of his attraction to them would be the innocence that big girls have? Like this plays into the whole “big girls are so cute!” kind of thing that i’ve mentioned in my texts before. I don’t think i’ve ever seen a fat girl with just natural sex appeal no matter what they are doing you get me? Like people like Beyonce (there are more people that are like this but im foggy rn so i cant think of them) always have a certain level of sex appeal about them. Like they always look sexy and seductive no matter what they are doing and I honestly can’t think of one big girl who is like that? Big girls are almost always seen as cute, soft, funny- all of this contributing to that innocent image. I think that is what makes big girls so attractive to some of these artists (especially the ones who scream Daddy to me ok) because they really like that innocent look. Now whether you’re actually innocent or not is a completely different story but I am just talking about physical attraction here. TOP is a sadist and nothing anyone can ever say will ever be able to convince me otherwise. He would like inflicting pain on his partner. He would want them to be completely submissive to him like master/slave, i definitely think he is way into pet play because the subs role is “lower” if you will than in a Daddy kink as you aren’t role playing a human. The thought of defiling your innocence is what really gets him off and getting you to say and do the dirtiest things that are barely within your comfort zone all while you are looking all soft and innocent and so fuckable is his favorite. I do think being with a big girl would draw out that protective instinct though, and he definitely would enjoy making sure you were comfortable with yourself and that you were happy. He would always keep a protective eye on you when you were out and even if you were just around the other boys, he would always make sure none of them were getting too flirty and handsy with you. He seems to be the silently protective type, he would rather silently watch over you from afar or for example if you guys were out partying he would rather watch you from back at the table (i don’t think crowds and things like that are necessarily his style) than be all up in your grill about who was touching you and why they were touching you and things like that. You know you have a boyfriend. You know that you need to stay faithful to him. He can tell of you need help or if a guy is making you uncomfortable, so he doesn’t find the need to babysit you and make sure you are doing everything correctly, but he will still watch you because he likes to watch his baby have fun. For some not as kinky sex, I think he would love to press you against him as close as possible and just grind into you. Like there would be no thrusts, no hammering his hips into you, just lacing his fingers together with yours and swiveling his hips against yours and laughing when you started struggling against him for more and he would push you farther into the mattress, trying to tease you as much as possible. He would be insanely good at dirty talk i think, not even out of breath while whispering and at some points almost growling about how good you feel around him and how he wants to give you all you can take and more, and that if you kept struggling he would have to tie you down. Keep in mind this is just the more playful and less kinky sex, so he would be almost relaxed and almost giggly in a teasing and taunting kind of way. In sex like this I don’t see him making you beg for your release, instead he would be more generous and he would keep giving you orgasms and growling in your ear telling you to stay still as he was wrapping a hand around your throat and kept going until you either used the safe word or he thought that you had had enough. If you have any specific scenarios you want me to elaborate on let me know! Like i said before im in a bit of a brain fog so im having some difficulty with expressing my thoughts clearly!

[myvoicenottheoneyougiveme]

Even better distillation:

I, myself, do not need you to think or feel anything about yourself (either one of you). I don’t need you to believe anything so long as your violence is nowhere near me. I don’t need you to believe anything about yourself so long as that thing you’re telling yourself isn’t giving you undue license to dominate and control and jam yourself in edgewise or to otherwise walk all over me. I don’t need you to think and feel a certain way about yourself in order for me to be at all secure in who I am.

You on the other hand need to control what I think and feel about you. You need to control what I think and feel about myself. You need to control what everyone thinks and feels about you and about me.

That is “this”.

You can’t ever be ok and comfortable in your own skin without it. You need “this” like oxygen to breathe. You need power and control over the outside to control what is inside, of you.

And whether anyone logically knows it or not or puts two and two together, cause why? He’s just an awful ____ _____ ____. Who cares, right? ...Whether anyone knows it or not, they respond to your plight on an emotional level, as I ever did in the first place. Your pain whether self-inflicted or not, whether on some logical thought out, ...it doesn’t really matter does it? We’d feel badly for you. Even if you were the cause of your own misery, we’d just feel all the more badly for you. How much more so when there is some cause or source of your misery we can do something about? How about when its a person a thing outside of you that can be affected. We will write love on her arms. Save the girl. Save the girl. There is a rather visceral response and an “of course that’s how it is” when saving the girl from the awful abusive guy. ...As though the violence were not yours, oh but I create such distress in you in my own self-defense. But it’s not self-defense. Girl sad, kill guy. Why think any deeper than that? And if she’s being a bitch? Well, isn’t she justified? If she’s being a monster? Isn’t she entitled to her rage? WOMENS EMPOWERMENT YALL... I can say any of that because I’ve been on that bandwagon more than once. I’ve been suckered in by the sob stories. I myself possess a certain irrational affinity for someone the world just isn’t fair to (whatever phrase you want to put here for sad girl).

Lift her up.

You go be lifted up. You go be empowered. It doesn’t matter to me what you think of yourself or what you need everyone else to think of you. It’s not necessary. I don’t need it to feel good about myself. I don’t need it to be grounded in myself. What you think about yourself, what others think about you, it has no bearing on who I am. What you or they think about me, little to no, but there are measurable consequences. But between me and myself, I don’t need it. You go be lifted up and empowered so long as that’s not empowering yourself over others. In therapy, in any kind of healing setting, it’s not power over others that’s the goal. It’s power over yourself. It’s groundedness in yourself and not letting others have power over you. It’s got nothing to do with having power over anyone else.

But here you are, needing and taking control. You need to control what I think and feel about you (and also so I can fall in line and give you what you want). You need to control what everyone, myself included, thinks about me and thinks about you in contrast. You control the narrative. You control the reflection. You control EVERY reflection. You rewrite reality. You protect yourself from what is otherwise aimed at yourself. Zero-sum. Between you and yourself, someone HAS to be everything that’s wrong with the world, and that someone isn’t going to be you. It’s only zero-sum because that’s how you experience it. Everything from simple accountability... it’s like there is no mine and yours no matter who you’ve entangled yourself with. It’s all one person’s or it’s all the other’s. There is total and complete end to end blame and due wrath. You are then not responsible for your own misery, your own mistakes, your own awful terrible temper, your own rage. It’s all in one bucket. It’s all or nothing with you. You’re feeling a kind of way, a kind of insecure, a kind of angry, a kind of anything, so you need someone to blame. You need someone to hold it and to be the object of that destruction so you don’t have to be.

I don’t need “this”. I don’t want “this”.

You desperately need “this”. You can’t and won’t live without it. And I’m some kind of awful terrible person to expect you to be otherwise.

“This” is an impass that will never be resolved. I can’t live with you, can’t live with “this”, can’t live with someone that does what you do, lives the way you do, and you can’t be without your stage. And come hell or high water, you’re going to get me on my knees and make me submit to you and to “this”. I’m an awful terrible person and you as the contrasting victim are owed everything. Everything. I stopped being on my knees. I stopped submitting. I stopped trying. I stopped being invested in anything to do with someone like you. I untied my own hands. I was given power over myself and was no longer at the mercy of someone like you.

But you had other plans... And 7+ years later? ...How much of my life have you robbed of me by now? And does it really matter that I could be (mostly) immune to you and to “this”? No, not when by extraordinary and criminal means... it’s not for the person it’s happening to to somehow negate the consequences. When crimes are committed against people, no one is victim blaming or telling them that they just needed to be this or that or do this or that differently. I have followed through on everything within my power to cut myself off from you. But at every step and through every escalation? You’ve had other plans.

Once I got on my knees all those years ago, I would never be allowed, come hell or high water, to stop being on my knees. Even if that means breaking my legs to do it. It’s some kind of consolation for you though. It’s not really submission, it’s just tying someone down and beating them into submission. It’s breaking everything around and about someone to artificially come to that end. It’s swallowing me alive. It’s drowning me in a never-ending torrential flood.

You will have your reflection, and no one, not me, not anyone is going to stop you.

[mad-ncity]

Ten Soulmate AU

Soulmate AU where you and your soulmate share the same pain

hello whos ready to suffer

jk i wont make another angst

at least this one wont be

shall we start

its funny how one moment you could be just fine and the next youre in a serious amount of pain

like so much pain you could barely walk

“y/n you should really get that checked out”

“what? im fine! dont worry about me doyoun-aHHH CRAP”

“told you so”

“shut up doyoung or im goin-OK I NEED TO GO TO THE DOCTORS PLS HELP”

so you went to the doctors to see if it was anything you did but turns out its your soulmate who is inflicting this pain on you

and at first youre like ‘ok cool’ but then youre like ‘wHY HAVENT THEY GONE TO THE DOCTORS YET WTF’

best thing the doc could do was give you pain meds

so here you are, walking with doyoung when you see some street dancers

“damn theyre so good”

“theyre good but im better”

doyoung then proceeds to make a fool of himself

and the best worst part, people were staring

and not in the same way the people were staring at the actual dancers

“just to clarify, i dont know him”

so you just walked limped away from your embarrassing friend

but your limping didnt go unnoticed

a certain thai dancer noticed but he didnt approach

he instead helped the hot mess that was trying to dance

“hey hey bud um no lets not do that”

“ok fine ill stop showing my awesomeness. thank you to all my fans watching”

…

“where did y/n go???”

man he must have really been into it if he didnt even notice you leave

“your friend? they left a few minutes ago but they didnt look too good are they ok?”

“actually we just came from the doctors office because theyve been having knee problems”

“…wait why am i telling a stranger this?? Y/N WHERE ARE YOU!!”

he eventually caught up with you

“dONT LEAVE ME AGAIN”

“dont make a fool of yourself in public again”

anyways

ten is standing there after yall left

and hes like “hmm knee problems maybe i should ask them for any tips on dealing with the pain”

oblivious af

so its been a week since that day

anD THE PAIN IS STILL THERE

if you ever meet your soulmate youre throwing fists

not just because theyre making you go through all this pain but for not taking proper care of themselves

you havent been outside in ages because of your knee

but doyoung thinks some exercise should benefit you

so he takes you out for a walk when yall see those street dancers again

“doyoung i s2g if you start dancing im leaving”

thankfully he doesnt

and at the end of their routine ten notices you guys

“ahh! youre the bad dancer!”

“yep thats me! wait what do you mean by bad?? im a godsend”

“what ever you say doyoung”

“y/n if i wanted to i could tickle you and you couldnt run away”

yeah its time to shut up

“y/n are you his friend that has a knee problems?”

“yes i am but its technically not my fault. my soulmate has a problem with taking care of themselves”

“wow thats a shame i was going to ask you if you could help me with my knee problem but i guess i cant ):”

…wait

doyoung reacted before you could and punches your arm

“dAMMIT DOYOUNG IM GOING TO GET YOU”

you and ten are both in pain now

thats when one and one clicked for ten

“aHHHHH WE’RE SOULMATES. YOU MUST BE IN PAIN WHY ARE YOU EVEN WALKING????”

remember how you were going to throw fists? well thats exactly what you do

“pls stop hurting me ;-;”

“why havent you gone to the doctor?? your knee has to be killing you does anyone know about your knee? do you know how much pain youve put me through, mentally and physically? ive been worried sick about your knee and you bet your ass we’re going to the doctors right now”

thats when he slows you down and pulls you into a kiss

“im sorry about putting you through that much pain i didnt really think that much of it but lets go to the doctors now, ok?”

“stop being a cutie i s2g ill hit you again”

cue a laughing ten and a flustered y/n