#now i am mad that this isn't a thing. who wants to pitch in a bunch of money and make stab caesar happen

[alalumin]

ΟΚΚ I am posting this before I go back to asleep and forget everything about it, but my dream today was so coool.

My dream was about this old 70s-80s sci-fi/fantasy franchise called "Stab Caesar" (lol amazing) because that was the name of the institution involved in most of the movies and series. The plot either followed a bunch of scientists or the children of some of them depending on the movie. It reminded me a bit of Star Trek the original series I think?

There were a lot of paranormal things that had to be dealt with, I think one the "movies" was called "Stab Caesar: The whale incident" and followed the kids as they escaped a practical effects whale as it made its way ON LAND eating pedestrians. One thing about this franchise was I think that there was a big kill count in every plot? And it got really grim and depressing at times but it was still played like it was all wacky. Like lol the lieutenant's father got possessed by an alien and after multiple failed experiments they realised he couldn't be brought back and had to be sent to the Empty Realm? Lol hilarious.

There were some recurring monsters too like an old witch the stole books from the children. Also just because I remember multiple plots doesn't mean I was in my dream watching entire movies and series, it was all kind of jumbled together but sometimes a title card played.

[after-the-end-times]

Continued from here

Trent finally sits back from his laptop, stretching his hands out in front of him. He'd been writing and editing for hours, using the quiet time while the team and coaches were out training on the pitch.

He spins idly in his chair.

Ted's chair his brain helpfully reminds him. He thinks he should get up and check out what fruit they have stocked in the other room before the team comes back in.

It's only been a couple days since his gaffer- the gaffer left to go back to his family and Trent's been feeling off ever since. Maybe he's just hungry. He gets up to go in search of a snack, hopefully that'll quell the squirrely feeling in his belly.

Ten minutes later he walks back to the coach's office, tossing the two clementines he successfully found back and forth in the air pretending to juggle. He was doing pretty good, if he did think so himself, until he entered the office and dropped them both.

"Ted"

Ted, who's standing there by his their? desk, like he'd never left and looking at all of Trent's things scattered everywhere.

Trent had tried to limit his footprint on the desk, not wanting to look like he was moving in too fast. But now Trent sees what Ted sees and a blush spreads across cheeks.

His laptop sitting center stage with notebooks piled up to the side, white printed pages with too much red ink scattered and balled up, his bracelets, rainbow mug, and so many pens. And the single photo of his daughter he allowed himself to bring to work.

It looks like it's his desk. And now Ted's back. And will probably want his desk back.

With his blush deepening he rushes forward to start packing up his things. He just wishes Ted would move out of the way so this wasn't so awkward.

"What're you doing?" Ted asks with a quizzical smile. not moving away.

"Oh! I'll get this all moved. I wasn't- This isn't- Beard said I should sit here for the moment until- There wasn't enough- With Nate back-" He doesn't know what's wrong with him.

Part of his job for 20 years was to be able to eloquently put sentences together into thoughtful paragraphs and now here he is not able to finish a single thought.

All Trent knows is that he innocently went to get a clementine and now he's panicking because feels like he betrayed Ted...for the second time, his brain again helpfully adds

Ted is still standing in front of him, arms crossed, hip resting against the desk, not letting him snatch up all his stuff and run.

Trent finally looks at Ted, instead of looking everywhere but him.

Oh. He doesn't look mad, Trent realizes. He kinda looks- Great, now he can't even finish thoughts in his own head. He mentally gives himself a baleful side eye.

"I wanted it to be you", Ted says. He has a slow smile spreading across his face as he looks at Trent.

"And here I heard you preferred Sleepless in Seattle" Trent responds with a small smile, proud of himself for finally successfully bantering back.

"And while that is true, and I am still correct that it is the far superior Nora Ephron film," Ted glances over at Beard's desk as if continuing a on ongoing silent argument, before looking back and holding Trent's gaze, "Miss Kathleen Kelly and Joe Fox have the right scene for the job here"

Trent's breath catches in his chest, "Oh?" He can't seem to pull his eyes away from Ted's, heart on display for anyone looking.

Trent stands frozen as Ted reaches up, cups his cheek, and swipes his thumb under his eye as if dabbing away a tear that might be there if this were a movie.

"You're the only one I want to share a desk with", Ted's smile turns a little rueful, his hand slipping into Trent's hair, pushing it back from his face before pulling away. He pushes his hands into his pockets and sways toward Trent.

Trent's sure his eyes couldn't get any wider and he's horrified to realize they really do feel teary, "So you're staying? But what about-"

Ted sways back a bit, "Yeah, so I went home. Thought that was were the story was always leading me to. Turns out not so much. The moment I got off the flight in Kansas, ready to start my life over there, I-," He cuts himself off looking out to the locker room, collecting himself, "God, Trent I just about started bawling I missed you all so much."

He turns a crooked, slightly sad smile back to Trent. "Michelle and I are gonna work something new out. Not sure exactly what yet, but she agreed this wasn't working, that it wasn't fair to me or to Henry," He takes a deep breath. shoulders relaxing as his smile turns sweeter, less sad, "So yeah, I stayed a few days to catch up with some friends, family, and then got the next flight out."

"To come back for the team?"

Trent's trying really hard not to read too hard into all of this. He couldn't handle it if all of this, the quote, the thumb brush, the hair tuck, if it was all for the bit by a man so wholly obsessed with rom-com moments. He'd heard about Ted's Notting Hill moment with Roy.

Ted looks at him with a look that says he knows what he's doing.

"Sure, the team, Beard, Rebecca, heck, my whole street that sometimes feels like walking out into Cheers." Ted takes a half step forward, bringing him inches from Trent so he now has to look up slightly to meet Ted's eyes.

Ted's so very gentle as he slowly brings his hand back up to cup Trent's cheek again, his fingers tangling in his hair.

"And I came back for you. You have to know, Trent," he leans in those last few inches, lips almost meeting, "I came back to you."

And finally, finally Ted kisses him.

~Fin~

[marciaillust]

Hey! I just wanted to say I’ve been following you forEVER now, and that your art has been inspiring me since i was a teenager. I was wondering if you could share a little about your rendering process? How did you improve it over the years, what did you learn you wish u knew sooner, stuff like that?

(Thanks anyway, and definitely getting myself ur new comic)

Hi! oh wow thank you so much for the kind words!

My rendering process hmmmm.... I will try to sum up the thoughts that come to my mind as I'm writing this, though I might be missing some proper vocabulary

The first thing that surfaced in my brain is exposition within a picture. This is what the picture focuses on - things in the light, or things in the shadow, and how much details each of these two receive rendering wise.

It's basically like taking a photo with a phone - if you click on a bright thing (say, a window), the phone will automatically adjust the exposition and all the other bright things will be visible(lotta detail), but the shadows will become turbo dark (no details). Alternatively, if you click on a dark shadow, all the dark things will become visible (details) but the hypothetical window will become blown out and turbo white (no details). You can basically have one or the other but never both. (or I guess you can who am I to tell anyone how to make art yanno no rules up in this house)

anyway, so for example, this pic^ focuses on the things in the dark, meaning everything in direct light receives no details.

and this pic^ focuses on the light and so all the cast shadows are pitch black.

One other thing that I learned a longass time ago was that edges(and shapes) are arguably the most important part of an object within a picture. Clean edges immediately call for focus, while softer or vague edges allow things to fade in the background and communicate the idea of a thing rather than showing you the thing itself. On a related note note, clean edges also make work in progress appear about 25% more finished.

I guess this all has to do with contrast and contrast can be created in many ways - edges (soft/sharp), colours (eg. red fish in a blue sea), spacing (objects being grouped vs. a single object), the amount of detail per object etc etc etc. and all of these can be controlled to solve specific issues within a picture.

In short, if a thing is important aka the focal point, make it stand out - sharp edges, details, specific colours and a lighting situation that make it pop. And if a thing isn't too important leave it vague, communicate the idea of it rather than focusing on drawing it.

On the note of things being sharp, a thing that I always swore by is, if there are eyes in the picture those eyes better be d-o-n-e. Pristine. People will look at the eyes, eyes communicate 90% of emotion, the eyes are the it girl of the picture forever and always, nobody will look at the wonky foot, they will look at the eyes and judge the quality of the picture. If the eyes are shit the picture is shit. (I'm exaggerating but fr. eyes are a big deal.). They don't have to be turbo rendered or physically mad sharp but they need to be done. Whatever that means, take what you will from my word soup.

One thing that I've become a big fan of over the years is the concept of wear and tear. This has to do with texturing things in pictures and I looooooooooooooooove thinking about ways items are used in order to create bumps and scratches that can be featured.

It always makes things look like they belong to someone?? It makes them real? Like the tip of that bone. that bone has been places. That belt has seen use. That bag carried things. Like yanno?? I looove things that chip and have nicks. Give me wood and I'll put a dent in it I swear.

And I thing the latest thing that I'm trying to incorporate within my art, though I haven't had much time or opportunity to do it in personal art because of work, is colour variation within each element.

Like his face. His skin is obviously "beige" but you will see red, and blue and yellow and green in there too. Stuff like that yanno? I'm quite interested in taking this further in my future paintings. I'm still learning how to push what, where and how but ayyy issa journey I'll happily embark on.

And of course apart from all that it's the usual jazz, working on anatomy composition perspective doing it a lot over and over again babababababa and so on and so forth.

I haven't had much opportunity to paint since I started working on the comic last year but it had it own set of challenges for me. Linework is a completely different kind of rodeo and I've improved in different departments a lot and I'd be happy to bring those things into my paintings when I have the chance. I feel like I'm at a point where I know a lot more than what I've had the opportunity to put on paper, it feels exciting!

I hope at least some of my ramblings were of interest to you!! Again, that you for the nice message and have a nice day :)

[yril-writes]

— DADDY'S LITTLE PRINCESS

synopsis ; growing up is something a parent is afraid of apparently, since they don't get to spoil their little princess now that she asks to be treated like a big girl now.

scenario ; an alternative universe wherein, these characters are the reader's dad and that reader is their little princess daugther.

type ; headcanon

include/s ; ushijima & bokuto

pairings ; dad character & daughter reader

genre ; fluff, comedy, and a mountain full of corn

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI

Ushijima isn't the doting type of father, since he isn't much of a fan of children. He thinks that they are noisy and can totally drain his energy, Ushijima isn't a fan of children especially if they are crying and being all loud and all.

But Ushijima is likes to spoil his daughter, seeing his daughter happy gives him the satisfaction. He would buy anything his daughter wanted.

But a day like this, Ushijima didn't expect that his daughter suddenly changed, turned matured even.

"Daddy! From now on you'll call me by my name and my name only! I'm already 9 years old soon to be 10 this week! I am a big girl now!" she says in a high pitched voice as she pumps her chest with her hand in a fist. What a breakfast to start a day hearing this, Ushijima grinned and gave a low chuckle setting aside the spoon and fork he was holding and crossing his arms looking at his daughter beside him removing the vegetables piece by piece from her dish. He immediately thought, that the sight he witnessed is too cute to handle, despite saying that she is a big girl now, like a kid she still does not like to eat her vegetables. "Well, princess. If you're such a big girl now. Why not eat those vegetables you missed?" using his chin to point at the plate, she immediately covers it using her hands. "But you know that I hate vegetables, and I told you to call me my name, Daddy!" pouting almost like she is turning into a red tomato, crossing her arms and looking away was her best and last resort to avoid eating the vegetables. "I guess my princess, is still my little princess." Ushijima shrugs and gives out a disappointed sigh, copying her daughter by looking to her side avoiding eye contact from his daughter. "Daddy, m'sorry are you mad?" trying to get Ushijima's attention by these words didn't work at all, he was determined to ignore her and she was impatient. It didn't take long when she started taking a bite on the vegetables on her plate, nibbling on the pieces she looked like she was about to cry from eating it. Mumbling apologies as she eats all of what's in her plate, until Ushijima decides to turn back to her to see her mopping and snot dripping down her nose. "Daddy, I ate all the veggies...are you still mad?" though tears still fell from her eyes, Ushijima stopped the act and cleaned her face up. "My, my, what do we have here. I guess my little princess is still a crybaby after all." Ushijima wipes her tears away, and gives a small peck on her forehead as he starts to comfort her. "There, there. My little princess don't you dare grow too fast now or I won't have to spoil you this much."

BOKUTO KOUTAROU

Bokuto is too energetic for his own good, compared to his daughter she is a lot calmer and less energetic as her.

He is the supportive dad any kid could ask for, but unfortunately his daughter as of now, claims that she is old enough not to be treated as a baby by her father.

It was time for another night to watch a horror movie, since it is their tradition to do so, like how they bond.

"Daddy! I will sit alone! Here in this chair! Since I am a big girl now, I can watch these horror movies without sitting next to you!" she claimed the chair as if it was her property then covered herself with her favorite blanket. Bokuto who is in the urge to cry because felt as if her daughter is growing up too fast. "But this is a scary one, princess. And I know you don't like scary things..." with a tone of like a kid begging, Bokuto even gave the puppy eyes to his beloved daughter, but she flat out rejected him. "No, I told you I can handle this! I can even watch it myself without you, Daddy!" proudly saying those words out loud was enough to know Bokuto's pride down. (Ah...tell me I misheard what she said...my little princess...) shedding a tear on his eye, Bokuto proceeded to put the channel on to the scary movie. As of the moment, he is sitting beside his daughter only because she chooses to sit a little bit apart with the other chair. Bokuto who is totally in sync with the movie, didn't even flinch when the jump scares came up, except when it came to his daughter muffled screams were heard from her. "Honey, you know that you can sit here with me right?" He pats on the empty space of the couch, trying to tempt his daughter to sit next to him. But she still insists on sitting alone in the chair, trembling with fear as if she is about to cry if there was another jump scare going to pop from the television and it did. Making her shriek then soon enough tears soon built up in her eyes. "Daddy...!" she is basically bawling her eyes out now, shoving herself in the blanket. Bokuto immediately carried her into his arms and sat right back in the couch, holding her in how you hold a baby infant made him feel nostalgic. "You know, I used to carry you like this when you were still little. I miss carrying my little princess like this." he snuggles his daughter tightly into his arms and gives her a kiss on the forehead. "But you can still carry me like this, Daddy..." she says in a shy tone of voice and then gives out a soft grin. "Of course, you are still, Daddy's little princess."

a/n ; yril here! I opened my ko-fi account! Basically I'll do commissions for my needs since I'll be studying away from home, I want to earn even just a little bit to help myself!

taglist ; @sammushy

masterlist

[crayonurchin]

A reminder to my fellow OCD lovelies

Your OCD does not like it when you're happy. Your OCD takes moments of happiness as an opportunity to flare up with old obsessions or new ones. This can make you nervous of happy moments, because it's like waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under you.

Let me tell you what just happened to me.

I have had a great day. I got a bunch of cleaning done and my bedsheets are freshly washed. I got to cook a delicious dinner and paint my nails, watching some Toy Story and even exercise for the first time in forever. I felt great.

And 20 minutes ago, my reoccuring Gender OCD/ T-OCD showed up way stronger than it has in months in a way I THOUGHT I was over.

Now I'm getting mad at myself for daring to have a good day, because CLEARLY I was inviting this OCD into my head and giving it permission to pitch a fit. And clearly, my precious method of NOT doing healthy and good shit to better my life IS the right choice, because it prevents the OCD from having an In to hurt me.

My lovelies. This is a form of OCD.

You obsess over OCD hurting you for living a good life, so you don't do those healthy things, to compulsively 'prevent' a potential flare up.

And if you've done therapy for this disorder, you already know what you have to do.

Keep up the trigger.

OCD is a screaming brat who wants things its way and nobody else's. It's going to shriek in the shops, kick all the tins onto the floor and go red in the face to get its way.

It cannot keep up that energy forever though. You gotta keep living your life, not giving in to its demands, no 'one last times' or 'special treats'. Let it bitch and cry and make a scene until it's exhausted. Eventually, OCD will learn that tantrums won't get it what it wants. And you're not going to give in.

If you're happy, OCD isn't. And want want OCD to be unhappy. It doesn't deserve anymore of your energy, joy, happiness- none of it.

I had a great day today and I feel good. My brain is screaming that I'm wrong about my gender identity and if I don't cut off my breasts and go by They Them right this second, I am dooming myself to a depression suicide.

I'm going to make a hot chocolate and read a book now, with my brain screaming all of these things. Maybe I'll have a biscuit to dip in the hot chocolate. That sounds nice.

[aita-blorbos]

Am I the asshole for accidentally getting my friend nearly killed? (Original Characters and story)

I feel HORRIBLE for it and he says he isn't mad but I want others opinions

I(23F) and my friend (24M, I'll also call him M) went hiking out in the trail in the woods in town, and he was getting tired so I was looking for an area for us to stop for a rest, and I found this weird warehouse out in the middle of no where... I thought it seemed like a pretty cool area that we somehow never heard of, and it was! Until uh,, he fell through the floor

I had run off to check out the rest of the inside, and I thought M was just gonna stay at the front, but the floor broke under him, thats when I heard him yell... I ran to him but by the time I got to him it was too late and he had fallen down the floors

I found the stairs and ran and after afew floors i ended up falling myself...

To keep a long story short, met a lot of people who were trapped in there and some had helped us both get out alive and we got them all out including ourselves, the Warehouse collapsing in on itself

M had gone into a comatose state for awhile and some friends from there helped keep an eye on him, and after a day or two he woke up finally, but hes physically been changed from it, essentially one of his hands turned into a giant claw thing and when stressed now he turns a pitch black like dark soot... a half? shadow person type beat ya know?

i feel horrible for all of this, sure we saved a lotta shadow people from down there but M's also changed drastically,, he says he doesn't blame me because i tried my best to find him again, but i cant help but feel terrible! He got hurt because of me..

[canirove]

Meu Amor | Chapter 18

Author's note: These past days this story has been getting lots of notes, and I just wanted to say, thank you very much to everyone who is reading! 💜🥺 It is ending next week, but I'm already working on something new with Rúben that will hopefully turn into something I like 🤞🏻😁

Previous chapter | Next chapter

Masterlist

"And that's why I think she is the ideal choice to cover for me while I'm away" Taylor says, looking at me.

"Or because she is your bff" Hugo says under his breath.

"Hugo, do you want to say anything?" she asks him.

"No, nothing."

"I think I heard you speaking."

"I was just clearing my throat. I think I need some water."

"Yes, of course. But be careful. We don't want you choking" Taylor says with a wicked smile. "Why are you here, tho? This isn't your department."

"It isn't" our boss says. "But this meeting affects him. We are in need of a new assistant, and Marc is the best choice since he has already worked as one."

"But he is my assistant!" Hugo says.

"I know, Hugo" our boss replies. "But his talent was being wasted doing statistics with you. Being pitch side is the best decision, and he has already agreed to move."

"He has? And no one cares to tell me?"

"They are telling you now" Taylor says.

Hugo replies by giving her a murderous look, but she doesn't care. "So now what? Do I have to work without someone helping me?" he asks.

"We are already interviewing new people, people who especially work on your field. And you'll have the last word when it comes to pick who will assist you."

"Thank you. I guess" he says, visibly mad.

The meeting keeps going for a little bit, our boss explaining some other details. Once it ends and people start leaving the room, Hugo grabs me by the arm.

"One day your luck will be over and they'll see you for what you truly are. A so called journalist who has gotten where she is by kissing asses" he hisses.

"You are hurting me, Hugo. Let me go."

"You are not worth of your position, and the sooner you realize it and step aside so those who truly deserve it have a chance, the better. If you don't do it, I'll do it myself. And trust me, none of your friends will be able to help you."

"What the..." I say when he lets go of my arm.

"Everything ok?" Taylor asks, walking towards us.

"Peachy" Hugo says with a fake smile, leaving the room.

"What happened? Did he hurt you?"

"I'm fine, don’t worry. But I think he just threatened to end my career."

"Let him try" Taylor says. "Now, let's go celebrate. I'm in the mood for chocolate cake."

"I think I could do with some cake too" I say, Hugo's threat still in my head.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━  

For Christmas we decide to have both our families together in Manchester. On Boxing Day there is a derby, and even though I am working, Rúben got tickets for everyone to attend the game. I’m just hoping that my dad and my brother won’t punch anyone if City wins.

“Feliz Nadal? That’s how you say Merry Christmas on Portuguese? Like the tennis player?” my dad asks me while we are on the train.

“Yes, dad. Like the tennis player” I say, rolling my eyes.

“Weird” he says, going back to his phone where he is translating different sentences to Portuguese and trying to learn them. And learn them wrong in this case.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━  

“Despite the language barrier, things have gone pretty well, don’t you think?” Rúben says on Christmas morning. We are sitting on the sofa, his arm around my shoulders, while everyone else finishes breakfast and opening their presents.

“They have” I say. “Everyone seems to be having fun and enjoying themselves. And your dad talked to me and even got me a present!”

“See? I told you he liked you” he says, kissing my cheek. “Feliz Natal, meu amor.”

“Merry Christmas, feio.”

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━  

“Rúben…” I giggle.

“Shh, relax.”

“You are tickling me!”

“And if you don’t stop moving, I’ll end up hurting you instead of helping you.”

“This is all your fault, tho” I say, trying to think of anything but Rúben’s hands massaging my leg. “If you hadn’t insisted on working out together, I wouldn’t have hurt my hamstring.”

“It isn’t my fault. You weren’t paying attention.”

“Because you were distracting me. I’ve already told you, you are a walking thirst trap.”

“Yeah, yeah…”

When I’m about to complain again, my phone rings. It’s Charlie.

“It’s happening” he says.

“Wait, now?”

“Yes, now. We just arrived at the hospital.”

“Oh my god, Taylor is in labor!” I say to Rúben.

“Finally!” he says, his hands still on my leg.

“How long until my niece arrives?” I ask Charlie.

“We still have a few hours to go. But Taylor wanted me to call you to let you know, and also to tell you that don’t you dare driving all the way back to London at this time in the night. You can come tomorrow first thing in the morning, we’ll be ok.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. So enjoy the rest of the night. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Ok. Tell Taylor that I love her and that she can do this.”

“I will.”

“And Charlie… Relax.”

“I’ll try” he says with a nervous laugh.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━  

"Can I come in?" I say, knocking on Taylor's door and slowly opening it.

"Of course" she says.

"Congratulations, Taylor" I say, giving her a hug.

"Thank you, love. Where is your boyfriend?"

"He went to pick something, he'll be back soon. Congratulations, Charlie" I say, moving to where he is holding the baby.

"She's beautiful, isn't she?" he says.

"Very. May I hold her?"

"Of course. Little one, meet your auntie."

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━  

"Oh, Rúben. You are a sight for sore eyes" Taylor says when he walks into the room.

"Hello to you too, Taylor. And congratulations" he says.

"Is that what I think it is?" she asks, pointing at the bag he is carrying.

"Yep. Your favorite cookies. Your friend over there said that food is the best present for a woman who just gave birth."

"Or that's what the people I follow on Instagram and who have had kids have said" I shrug.

"Well, they don't lie" Taylor says, picking the bag from Rúben's hands. "God, they smell so good."

"How is the little one?" he asks, moving to the crib.

"So far, an angel who just sleeps and eats. Let's hope she keeps it like that" Taylor says, her mouth already filled with a cookie.

"Did you finally choose a name?"

"Danielle."

"I like it. May I hold her?"

"I've been waiting for you to hold her since the day I found out I was pregnant. Let me get my phone to take some photos and videos."

"Hello, Danielle" Rúben says, slowly picking her up. Who knew someone with hands and arms so big could be so careful and delicate.

"Oh my God, that's the cutest thing ever" Taylor says.

Meanwhile, I'm just trying to process what I'm seeing and how it is making me feel. Especially when he starts whispering to her in Portuguese. Thank God I'm sitting next to Taylor on her bed, because if I didn't, I would be on the floor, lying on a puddle of my own drool.

"How are those ovaries doing?" Taylor says to my ear.

"They are gone" I say. "Completely gone."

[apocalypticavolition]

Let's (re)Read The Great Hunt! Chapter 33: A Message from the Dark

The Dark is R-- Wait, wrong book series. Never read that one. Don't spoil it for me, and I won't spoil Wheel of Time for you. Unless you want the whole series, this book and every other, spoiled. Then click Keep Reading. Also I don't actually care about spoilers myself so tell me whatever. It means nothing to me!

This chapter has what is technically a new icon. You'd be forgiven for not really noticing, this icon is pretty much the same as the leaves on a line from book one, but there's no more vine. Also the leaves have been rotated 180 degrees. It carries the same associations as the previous icon, which will never appear again.

“Lord Rand, they didn’t come out again. They must still be in there.”

We readers naturally know that this just isn't so, thanks to Loial's statements last chapter.

“They all pretend to be so proper, but. . . . Lord Rand, every one of them says he’s loyal to his master or mistress, but they all hint they’re willing to sell what they know, or have heard. And when they have a few drinks in them, they’ll tell you, all whispering in your ear, things about the lords and ladies they serve that’d fair make your hair stand on end. I know they’re Cairhienin, but I never heard of such goings on.”

The nobility of Cairhien neither encourages loyalty as a virtue (they'd all kill Galldrian and take the crown for themselves if it were so simple) nor do they behave like people who are worth being loyal to. A common flaw in the upper classes is the inertia of respect, which is another reason Rand needs to upend the system by conquest.

They kept asking me if the Ogier were coming back, and if Galldrian had agreed to pay what was owed. It seems the reason all the Ogier stonemasons left is because Galldrian stopped paying them, except with promises. I kept telling them I didn’t know anything about it, but half of them seemed to think that I was lying, and the other half that I was hinting at something.

It's always fascinating how the intricacies of the Pattern present themselves. Galldrian is a failing ruler, Rand and Loial need to be in Cairhien without being separated, and so the two are tied into each other.

“Rand is not mad, Mat,” Loial said. “The Cairhienin would never have let him in here if he were not a lord. They are the ones who are mad.”

Loial is of course missing (or not engaging with) Mat's actual meaning and rather hilariously summarizing the state of the world instead: it's gone mad, so a madman is going to have to set it straight.

Darkfriends leaping out of the night would not be much better than Trollocs.

Under the circumstances, they'd be quite worse. Even Barthanes wouldn't be able to argue with Rand killing Trollocs in his back yard if they were there, but killing his loyal retainers would be something else entirely.

But how long before he tells somebody what I am, not even meaning to? He could not believe Mat would betray him on purpose; there was that much of their friendship left, at least.

Eh, he's definitely thinking about it right now. But mostly in a grumbling to himself kind of way.

“You humans are always so rash and hasty. And now you have me doing it. Elder Haman would speak to me severely, and my mother. . . .” The darkness hid his face, but Rand was sure his ears were twitching vigorously. “Rand, if you don’t start being a little careful, you are going to get me in trouble.”

Loial is approaching Nynaeve & Mat levels of critical lack of self-awareness. Boy is already in trouble and virtually all the new trouble in his future will be that of his own choosing.

The space between the opening gates was a black so dark it seemed to make the night around it lighter. The pitch-blackness oozed out between the still-moving gates.

Well okay besides Rand trying to let Machin Shin out of its cage. This is an interesting echo of how Rand's plans to break the seals are premature but that's clearly unintentional. And of course all of this with Rand trying to use magic only to be hint with its corruption is very thematic for what's happening right now.

He hurled it all at the black bulge, standing out a full span from the Waygate, now. He did not know what it was that he hurled, or how, but in the heart of that darkness bloomed a coruscating fountain of light.

Well it's probably not balefire. I hope it's not balefire. It's horrifying if it was! Rand's probably using something much more simple though, since it keeps building up. I'm not sure if we see this particular technique again later; I think it's interacting with Machin Shin weirdly enough to be hard to ID.

The One Power roared through him; he rode it like a chip of wood in rapids. The void began to melt and flow; the emptiness steamed with freezing cold.

Really, this is a great illustration of how far Rand still has to go as a channeler. If he's like this under his own power, he'd burn himself out in an instant trying to use the Choedan Kal right now.

He was a pool of the One Power. He trembled with it. He could smell the grass, the dirt beneath, the stone of the walls. Even in the darkness he could see each blade of grass, separate and whole, all of them at once. He could feel each minute stirring of the air on his face. His tongue curdled with the taste of the taint; his stomach knotted and spasmed.

Well, here's Rand trying to do plot-convenient ultra-heroin in small doses at parties. Let's see how long he goes before his next hit.

“I only found the leaf and put it back,” Loial said, shrugging. “It seemed that if we could not get the Waygate closed, it would kill us. I am afraid I’m not a very good hero, Rand. I was so afraid I could hardly think.”

Silly Loial, that is bravery.

Rand suddenly wanted to laugh; to find the Horn and the dagger—if they could be found, now—he had to go back to the Aes Sedai. They had let him loose, and now he had to go back.

Little bit paranoid there since y'all are way, way off of any script Moiraine or Siuan had in mind, just saying.

And I say this is the last time I go running back and forth with messages. If you want to say something to somebody, you can talk to them yourself from now on.

I don't think this lasts very long for Mat at all. It's also certainly meant to be setting up his role as intermediary with the Seanchan which... yeah that doesn't pan out, does it? But he does a few other messages in between.

Verin shook her head. “We must go, Lord Barthanes. I’ve not been in Cairhien in some years. I was glad of your invitation to young Rand. It has been . . . interesting.”

I wonder what she and Barthanes talked about offscreen. He must have been upset about Fain, all things considered, but did he blab or what?

He says he will wait for you on Toman Head. He has what you seek, and if you want it, you must follow. If you refuse to follow him, he says he will hound your blood, and your people, and those you love until you will face him.

Funnily enough, this is effectively foreshadowing for Fain attacking the Two Rivers next.

“We will speak of this later,” Verin said, so firmly that no one spoke at all on the ride back to the city, to The Great Tree.

I feel bad for Moiraine. She's all "Don't steal cursed gold," and "Stay inconspicuous while we're in town" and the boys treat her like it's opposite day, but Verin gives one non-instruction and everyone takes a vow of silence on the spot.

“No one knows exactly what Machin Shin is,” Verin said, “unless, perhaps, it is the essence of madness and cruelty. It cannot be reasoned with, Mat, or bargained with, or talked to. It cannot even be forced, not by any Aes Sedai living today, and perhaps not by any who ever lived. Do you really think Padan Fain could do what ten Aes Sedai could not?”

Well objectively speaking, he did. And it's funny because Mat says that the Black Wind is of the Dark One before Verin corrects him, but... her correction isn't really a correction, knowing what we know. The Dark One is the essence of madness and cruelty. Machin Shin is very much what it might look like for an unconstrained avatar of the Dark One to inflict itself upon the Pattern. And Fain is imbued both with that original darkness and the human I-Can't-Believe-You're-Not-a-Darkfriend variant that would let him order Machin Shin around in the same way that Rand purges the taint from saidin.

But how long before he decides I’m not coming? Why did he set that guard if he wants me to follow?

Or perhaps Fain didn't so much order the Wind to do anything as corrupted it with obsessive thoughts in turn and he has no idea that the Black Wind is following Rand.

“There were certain things left in the dungeons at Fal Dara, writings that indicated a connection between what happened that night and”—she gave Rand a quick glance under lowered brows—“Toman Head. I still do not understand them completely, but I believe we must go to Toman Head. And I believe we will find the Horn there.”

Verin's not even trying to be subtle. It's a good thing that the boys already know about Rand's channeling and Ingtar is so monomaniacal or somebody might have figured it out by now.

Stedding Tsofu lies not far from the city, south and east. It is a young stedding, rediscovered only perhaps six hundred years ago, but the Ogier Elders were still growing the Ways, then.

So this clarifies the timeline of the Ways a bit more. We know they started darkening around the War of the Hundred Years but that Machin Shin wasn't observed until sometime after. Presumably it took four hundred years for the darkness to reach the point where the trees and plants died.

She did not speak, and he walked away from her, but when he turned to take the stairs she was still watching him, dark eyes sharp and considering.

Verin's got to be wondering how far into the prophecies he can get before he stops denying everything, but luckily for us his denial time is almost over.

Unluckily, the chapter is over. Next time: Thom and Fain cause trouble in very different places.

[leohtttbriar]

7, 12, 16, 18, 20 - that's a lot so take your pick, I just always like seeing your opinions

right back at you! was secretly hoping you would reblog the game :)

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

never really encountered this phenomena before cobra kai except for the vaguest hint of an aversion to samwise gamgee after everyone kept calling him the "real hero," but that aversion never took, and i'm ashamed to admit such weakness even now.

johnny lawrence was one of my favorite characters in cobra kai season one and then i logged onto tumblr and now i just Do Not Get It. a feeling i think from pre-season 3, even, when he was still a good and consistent character in the show. another character was robby. predictably, he was a bit babygirlified and he got soooo much more attention than sam and tory and even miguel and tbh, that made me pout massively. like. i don't care about him :(

i could be intellectual about this (and, okay, clearly the root of this petty hate is that particular sort of frustration that comes over a girl when all the boys in her fourth grade gym class get mad at her for being faster than them and then they refuse to let her play in their recess soccer game even though she's the best player--and it then sticks with her for the rest of her life) but in a vacuum i probably wouldn't feel the way i do. like, my ire is definitely in response to how other people feel about the bully character from 80's sports movie karate kid.

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

you can bet that any female character that has ever been called annoying is at the top of this list. feels like girls like that are always popping up and torturing pop-culture consumers. the only one i can name right now is sam larusso, since that's the most recent model.

but also i read pride and prejudice in seventh grade. didn't get a single word of it, but i did understand that mrs. bennett was extremely annoying. then i read it again a few years later and have been her fierce defender ever since. female characters with high-pitched voices and anxiety: i adore. if you don't like those characters, in my head im thinking you're only as intelligent as me at 13.

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

any sort of portrayal of spock as someone who is violent and angry and just holding it back constantly bc he hates being half human--i do Not Get It. any sort portrayal of an alien species on star trek in which the aliens learn to embrace their humanity, or something. like, i can't stand it.

i want spock to be super-duper logical and stoic. i want that to be a good thing. i want all alien characteristics to be embraced and explored. i want the weirdness. new trek just isn't doing weirdness enough! and if human morality and social structures are so universally important, stop being cowardly and explain whyyyyy.

this also applies to fanfic which is, in fact, disastrously worse on this subject. especially fanfic based on the 2009 star trek movie.

but okay it's like---the roswell conspiracy is really fun and stuff cause it is really just the government stoking some nonsense so the russians can't figure out all the special-stupid weapons and spy-equipment they're making. and then it means that everything in roswell, nm is alien themed: little green faces everywhere, three-fingered hands waving at you on billboards, "greetings earthlings," 50's era space-art, and so on. I am very into that aesthetic, especially in the middle of nowhere southwest desert with not a mountain or forest for hundred of miles. of course people were looking up and being like "there must be Something out there. look how big."

all good, yes, and silly. but people really believe it and they really believe that the aliens look the way they do! the way the "witnesses" described little looking men with big ol eyes in a big ol head and extra long arms. sweeties! that's a primate! that's an earth-creature! there's no imagination! there's no weirdness! what if the aliens didn't have a face. what if they didn't have eyes! what if they were made of a chalky substance that molted every few minutes to maintain a needed basic pH and their way of observing electromagnetic radiation was not light projected thru a lens but like little pores of mucous all over their body like the one's on sharks (ampullae of lorenzini) that absorb electromagnetic radiation and also give the creature poles which means they can block all visible light with special mind powers and maybe photosynthesize or something.

i realize that fanfiction is largely concerned with two attractive men going at it, but for all that people claim to be "monster fuckers," that really hasn't borne out in star trek fanfic. explore eroticism with the weird, with the actually alien. i want that. that'd be great. i know octavia butler and others already Did That but i want to see a star trek go boldly, you know what i mean. also, i want something more like eroticism for the sake of the erotic--not as metaphor about feminine subjugation or something (no offense ms. butler).

even if that doesn't happen, would love to read a fanfic or watch a tv show in which, for example, spock's journey is not about how oppressive being a vulcan is, or whatever.

[bonesandthebees]

TAGD Ch15 Analysis- 1/2

Crimeboys. I love them. So much.

Wilbur offering to guard Tommy while he cleans himself is both ironic and adorable. It's so sweet to see how much he already cares about Tommy. At first he doesn't even consider how silly that sounds. He just wants him to feel comfortable and protected

And ooof Wilbur doesn't like his eyes. That may seem like a small thing compared to everything else he's been through but I mean that's just so wrong. I'm so mad at the people that did this to him I want them gone Bee. Dispose of them>:)

It's so cool to see how far he's come. He wants to see how the temple has changed him. Maybe he'll see more behind his appearance eh????

Oh boy Phil. I think I like Phil? Well maybe not. He and Techno still frustrate me but I think I'll need to put their poor decisions aside to appreciate the other aspects of their characters.

So Phil. He really cares about Tommy. I feel kind of bad for him. Tommy is going to their prisoner for comfort rather than him or anyone that would make sense. Phil must be very confused. I felt bad when Tommy snapped at him. It was like he was accusing Phil of something terrible.

It's so funny to see how biased I am. When Phil said he wasn't going to lock the door anymore, I mentally gave him a point on the scoreboard lol I am just so completely on Wilbur's side

I am very curious about Phil's thoughts on the Wilbur. On one hand, he is the Pythia, a political figure who is supposedly close to Schlatt and helps advise the direction of the nation. And on the other, he is a traumatized kid who has spent nearly half of his life isolated from the rest of the world and used as some kind of trophy for Schlatt. And Tommy has taken to him so quickly which is very strange considering Wilbur also tried to kill him a while back.

I'm sure everyone in the temple is confused by him

love this fic bee i'll be back in a minute for part two!!

-🧭

hi compass anon!!!

I mean in total fairness wilbur's offer to guard tommy isn't unfounded considering what happens literally like an hour later. of course jack didn't mean to hurt wilbur. but he did mean to hurt tommy. the bathhouse is pitch black and since people bathe in there, they're usually not carrying any weapons or anything for self defense. but yes it does sound a bit silly since we know wilbur probably couldn't throw a punch without fucking up his hand.

yeah wilbur doesn't like his eyes :( I actually mentioned that at the very start of the fic. right after wilbur wakes up from his vision and goes to the bathroom to splash his face with water, I made sure to mention he flinched when he looked in the mirror. of course it was gonna come back eventually

phil and techno are complicated characters in glass which makes them very fun to write, although i'm sure it frustrates the readers with how to feel about them.

phil loves tommy so much. that's his kid. but he's so busy with all the other stuff going on, and also the consequences of his own actions (deciding to kidnap an oracle with no long-term plan for wtf to do with them being one thing) that he hasn't been able to focus on tommy as much as he used to, and now he's seeing the results of that. he doesn't understand when tommy and wilbur got so close, but it's obvious that there's genuine care there, so he's not going to try and stop it. he's more just confused than anything.

regarding phil's thoughts on wilbur, he still really doesn't know what to think about him. at this point though he's gotten a decent idea of what wilbur's life as the pythia was like, and the answer is not great. techno also told phil what wilbur said about schlatt never listening to him, so phil knows that wilbur claims to have had no political power of his own. he also still doesn't know how old he is, but the more he interacts with him, the more he keeps shifting his age guess down.

but yeah, so phil has a lot of sympathy for wilbur at this point, but he doesn't know how to express it or even how to have a normal conversation with wilbur. but he also recognizes that a lot of his thoughts are just guess work at the moment, and he'll need to hear things from wilbur himself before making any concrete assumptions.

the fact that tommy literally won't tell anyone shit about wilbur certainly doesn't help the confusion

[bitter-sweet-coffee]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25046521/chapters/60661000

You know, I shouls've enjoyed this, because its content of my fave, Shadow, but now I'm just mad. Don't gemme wrong, I LOVE Infinite, but seeing him interact so romantically with Shadow... made my blood boil!!

I honestly feel like this would've worked MUCH better with an shadow x fem!reader. Fake marriage tropes are lit but having it be with Infinite is unrealistic? Because Shadow's straight (I know i date him regularly >//<)

Just imagine it!! Shadow's worried for reader-chan, ans when he tells her he loves her the staff thinks they're married and she gets to meet Sonic and Infinite can even be there!! Then everyone is happy. :)

Sorry, I'm just so disappointed in this fic. Shadow isn't ace or gay he's straight lol

hi anon! thank you for the review of my fic, i know i haven’t updated it in a while but i always enjoy people interacting with my works :)

i’m sorry you didn’t enjoy the fic because of the ship, but that’s why i tagged it as shadow/infinite! i’m not sure how often you use ao3, but anything with a / tag is a romantic ship. hopefully this will help you avoid things that genuinely upset you in the future because that is never the intention of any author.

you are absolutely 100% free to ship shadow with whoever you want (which includes yourself!) but that freedom of interpretation applies to everyone, including ships you may not like such as infinadow. i for one am personally not a fan of x reader fics because they require bland enough writing to make the reader character realistic for ANY reader, and i’m the type of person who likes little details hehehe

anyways, you are definitely 100% free to consume whatever content you want, but unfortunately it won’t come from me because we have different tastes and that’s okay!

one last thing: i’m not sure if you’re new to tumblr or are part of the twitter migration, but do be cautious about sending messages like this to people (anonymous and highly opinionated about fanworks). that’s not how we do it on tumblr, and you will very quickly get written off as a troll, get ignored, or get awfully strong responses from (rightfully) angry people. people make fanworks for free that are often deeply personal to them (like how you care about shipping yourself with shadow) and something like this is considered very rude and will upset a lot of people!

i personally don’t think you intended to be mean at all, and i’m not mad whatsoever since i try to take asks in good faith. you seem really sweet and passionate about your character interpretations! just try to be open minded about other people and their opinions too, okay? some of my besties and a lot of my mutuals on here have contradictory lore and opinions that rarely overlap with my own, but it’s never about “being right” since everyone has their own interpretations, which can all coexist.

if your fic pitch makes you that happy, i fully encourage you to try and write it yourself! even if it isn’t my cup of tea, i always support people in their writing endeavours and i’d love to see where you go with this :)

i am always happy to receive asks, so hopefully this won’t discourage you or anyone since that’s never my goal! people can always review my stuff, respond to my takes, and even pitch ideas like this one here. i might not personally create any of it myself, but i do enjoy seeing other people be happy and excited while gushing about something that means something to them 💕

[bondsmagii]

I picked up a copy (2nd edition with color and all) of House of Leaves at work today, and I just started reading it! Ngl, I did flip ahead and saw the formatting of some pages, which is what really sold it to me, in addition to your posts, being egged on by my coworker and boss when I asked if we had it in stock, and finding out that a recent grad at my uni did their thesis on this book. I plan to read this regardless, but I'm also realizing that this may end up being super close to my/my families experiences growing up, and I was curious if I could get a heads up?

I am still terrified of the dark, and have never slept in a pitch dark room in my 20 years of life because I panic so badly. Both my brother and I have had vivid and gory nightmares from a young age for unknown reasons (I still get them when I think of home; they feel more real than here when I wake up and often the pain lingers too). Also the walls of our house used to bleed, the walls would crack because the house would move and then settle back to close the cracks up due to a support beam loosening and tightening in a wall, even after the wall was taken down and the beam thing welded into place). And my brother and I share the same fear of a man who sits in the corner of our room growing up and watched us (my dad had the same belief as a kid when he grew up in the same house). And there were some incidents with magnets and time.

Now I do have some issues but I am Not Psychotic (yet), for what it's worth, but I was wondering if I could get a heads up how close to home this book might hit? I'll probably read it regardless, but there seems like a chance it might make life feel a little less real in specific ways that I'm concerned about already. If you don't wanna that's cool too, I respect that. I am really excited to read this though as everything about it seems like my kind of book

god, the book is so, so good. I'd definitely encourage giving it a go if you can! overall, the book isn't straightforwardly scary, like, it's not like what you'd expect from a standard horror book. but, it does deal a lot with existential threat/questions, and it is a meta book -- as in, it professes to exist as it does in its own universe, in this universe. Johnny Truant, the in-universe editor, is convinced that the threat can spread to readers simply from viewing the material. there's a lot of him speaking directly to you, warning you about the dangers of reading the book, and there's a lot of very evocative writing about his own descent into madness and the potential threats to you (including passages where he tells you to imagine things, or tries to convince you that something is lurking behind you -- a passage that myself and many others have been physically affected by).

it definitely makes life feel a bit weird. that's a big part of reading it, and pretty much everyone I've ever known or spoken to has this experience. it does stick with you, and it does linger, and it does make everything seem strange. I found this to be pleasant -- I love it when books do that -- but it might be something that you want to look out for. to be honest, for all I talk about the uselessness of the 'unreality' tag, House of Leaves is something I would use as a brilliant example of something that is actually dealing with unreality.

in terms of House Terror, I don't think it should hit too close to home for you. it's not a haunting. the house itself is an existential impossibility, filled with inconsistent measurements and an entire ever-changing labyrinth. there is a lot of emphasis on the dark, though, and detailed descriptions of characters in completely dark spaces. one of the characters, Karen, is also severely claustrophobic, so there's detailed descriptions of dark/enclosed space-triggered panic attacks, if that's something that might bother you. there are also detailed descriptions of vivid nightmares, and especially in Johnny's sections, there's some more straightforward monster horror as well. in terms of the kind of thing you've experienced, though, I think the closest you'd come would be the moving walls. even so, this house in the book is so far outside such comparatively minor movements that I don't think you'd really see it on the same scale at all.

I hope this helps! if you have any further questions let me know, because this is a great book and I'd love if you could get to read it. if anything gets a little too close, don't be afraid to hit me up and I'll give you a summary so you can skip the part and read on if you want.

[enzoid23]

The world is unfair

It has been for likely more than centuries

It will continue to be unfair to some level

But that doesn't mean you get to be a part of the problem, you can always pitch in to make life more fair

One person alone can't do much but imagine if everyone in a large group thought that and said group never came to be despite the fact it actually would make a difference had all the members realized that if there's enough people changing, it adds up

Now quit imagining because that already happens

Even if you can't or won't actively try to make things better, you don't have to make things worse

In fact it usually takes less energy to not make things worse!

Don't trigger that person with trauma and complain that they should get used to it, don't take away accessibilities for disabled people and tell them to figure out their own way, don't ignore a neurodivergent person's needs because you don't think that it really bothers them, don't bully queer or trans people and act shocked they got mad, don't be cruel to those of another race or sex and say it's "supposed to be that way", don't tell children this is normal and if they get upset tell them that they shouldn't be let into the real world because life is just unfair.

The reactions aren't just being dramatic or acting helpless, it's people you put in a bad situation yourself just for you to tell them its normal and they better not complain or else they won't survive. Life isn't fair and never will be totally fair because new problems will arise that can't yet be helped and as soon as someone can do more or less than you, you freak out and lash out, that isn't fair and even if you only grow up knowing one way of life and think it's the best one sometimes as soon as you see another way, good or bad, you jump on it blindly, if that happens now then of course even in the far future this can and will happen and as soon as you find out about things such as making things difficult for others, you can easily jump on it despite everyone around you being wonderful people who don't even have discrimination cross their minds until they see what you've done.

I've seen too many people joke about others being "sheltered" because they had a trauma response that they hadn't or couldn't work through to lessen or they had a certain need that wasn't met.

It's not sheltered or dramatic to react or to need something others don't. I associate a specific restaurant with awful memories that happened recent enough to still be affecting me and I can't even handle being in the parking lot right now, but I am not dramatic for reacting to a series of multiple incidents in a row all of which affecting me directly in some way or another. My mom is very different and can't understand that but she, who has a tendency to literally instinctively but seemingly unknowingly be emotionally and mentally toxic and possible abusive, is way kinder about it than other people I've seen way too often responding to others who had way worse and less of a reaction.

This post isn't targeted to anyone specific, I just thought of it because it's been bothering me a bit.

I'm quite the opposite of popular so this probably won't see many people, but if you saw it, hi, if you want to add on feel free to and if you have any sort of counter arguments or wanna debate stuff here feel free to but please keep it polite and civil <3

[sappygentlemen]

Part THREEE to basement dweller :)

I love these two, so im prepared to see this series to the FINISH LINE. before valentines day :D so lock in, for some horribly bitter Yandere Declan x Yandere Sam <3

TW: DARK, GORE DESCRIPTIONS, TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS/ATTACHMENTS/BEHAVIORS. PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION ☝️‼️

Here i am, standing in Quincy's bedroom. He is Declans darling younger brother, my little man. The first person to guide me to my beloved....so now, i'm up here, banished to his room, like a bad dog who chews their owners shoes. I don't mind Quincy's company, in fact i encourage it, and i'm not one to ignore a direct order from my lover. but right now, there's nothing i want more then to be with Declan and kill that bitch ."Austin" the man who dropped Declan off two nights ago, has been coming over repeatedly. Tonight was no different, as i heard their laughter echo in the house, bouncing off the walls that i thought housed our love. Declan had never banished me to the basement for my crime. the murder was supposed to bring him closer to me. however, i felt more alone then ever right now. despite Declans pampering, his touch, the words he spoke to me. No amount of reassurance was working.. i knew i had to do something, but Declan seems to get.. upset.. when i mention my anger towards Austin. he protects Austin... hes supposed to protect me. Austin simply isn't worthy of his love, only I am. he is mine, and i am his.

On another note. Quincy had been quite sad recently, id discovered that the whore I killed last week, was actually the single father of a very close friend of Quincy's, and since his "strange disappearance" his friend was forced to move away. This caused Quincy to be upset. i hated when Quincy was upset. i always wanted to make sure he was happy, after all, anything with Declans DNA, is precious to me. I'd organized for them to meet up sometime soon. Making sure i used Declans credit card... only picking the expensive flights. first class. I was hoping would get mad. would punish me. would hit me. anything, just to make him look at me again, without feeling so... far away. Of course, I had kept the trip a surprise from Quincy, I thought it might help a bit. However, as i sat here in this room with Quincy, all i could focus on, was the noise downstairs.... then it began to slowly die down. until, eventually... the house was silent. I guess i didn't realize how fast time was moving. Quincy lightly snored on his bed next to me, and i could hear Austins snore from downstairs....it reminded me of Declans snores.. i always loved his little quirks......but its the one thing i cant hear. one thing i cant hear is Declans snores. .... maybe he left?.. i decided to investigate...maybe he was waiting for me, waiting for me to see him, waiting to cuddle with me... i always loved his sly little hints, though he hasnt done this in ages? maybe hes more loyal then i thought, i knew i should have more faith in him. in my beloved&lt;3

As i walked down the hall in the dark pitch black house, walking as quietly as i could, creeping up to the steps. i saw one thing.

Declan.

Declan was standing halfway up the staircase. with a knife in his hand... a clean knife.. his.. special knife.

Declan was going to kill me. that stupid "Austin" must have gotten into his head. mustv'e manipulated him. must've brainwashed him.

my poor poor baby

I gently walked up to declan, who was frozen in shock, obviously not expecting me to be awake. as i walked closer to him, stepping down the stairs till im one step above him. as i got closer, i put a soft, gentle hand on his left hand, inching closer, a hand on his neck as i cooed at him, in a soft tone, used for toddlers. I gave him a swift kiss, as i walked us backwards down the steps. when we reached the bottom of the stairs, i still hadnt stopped kissing him. As i saw the glow of the moonlight against the basement doorknob, i began pushing his wrist down.

Swiftly

The knife plunged into his stomach, carefully avoiding any major organs. I didnt like hurting my baby. but as Declan always said, and as im saying now, barely in a whisper as i smiled, my face only slightly visible in the moonlight. My poor darling couldnt even make a sound. only eyes wide in pain and shock. obviously not suspecting a punishment today. or ever in fact.

"If youre not well behaved, i must punish you<3"

His words being thrown at him must not have felt very good. It must have stung. hopefully it stung more then seeing your soulmate ready to kill you. ready to give you up even when you were so obviously what was best for them. I hope it stings as much as its about too.

I opened the basement door, shoving him inside, like he did me, as I began to lay out the supplies for him to treat his wound. Declan never healed my wounds when i was being .very. very. bad. so, he would get the same punishment. Despite his begs, and pleas. his whimpers and grunts as the blood pooled around the knife, and he tried to patch it up, while simultaneously begging me to stay, finally saying all the sweet words id wanted to hear. He even pulled out the knife, stabbing me in the leg,.. a failed attempt at stopping me. but it wouldn't work now. now i was upset, i need him to learn. the hard way. and i planned to teach him. swiftly peppering his sobbing face with kisses, before gracefully leaving the basement. Locking and shutting the door behind me.

I would tell Austin that Declan got uncomfortable with his annoying manipulative presence, and had retreated to my loving arms last night and wished never to speak to him again. Id have my beloved back. id have Declan all to myself finally.

An hour and a half later

I've been staring at my leg for an hour and a half. Declan felt so angry with me. I was so cruel. i deserve a punishment.. but without Declan here.. there's no one to give me one. staring at the knife, blood seeping out of the wound in my leg. i decided. I would take on a punishment just like i was giving Declan... just to be fair.. just to be good.

As swiftly as i could, i pulled the knife out of my calf, a towel in my mouth, preventing me from making noise, and waking anyone up. I swiftly dug the knife into my leg, repeatedly. until finally, it was gone.my entire calf and foot were separated from my body. The blood pooled around my bathroom floor. i could see my severed bone. i could feel the burn of the metal, the weight of the steel hammering into the place right below my knee, which was now missing..My body could barely process that it was missing before i began swiftly using my medical knowledge to properly bandage the wound. It was painful, and i sobbed though my face showed only pain, no sadness or remorse for my actions. as i stood on a very old pair of crutches, from when Quincy sprained his ankle. i hobbled myself to bed. hoping Declan would be much kinder in the morning.... my darling Declan.. he'll learn soon.. he'll learn. And im more then happy to teach him.

[themanbexl]

i am shocked manu has signed a new contract but i’m not as mad as some people like im seeing the people who want roebuck and misa at arsenal want maun gone even tho both of them are either worse or the same. if you’ve been watching arsenal since manu have been there then you know what she’s like in form, at the beginning of the season it was like arsenal didn’t have a set back 4 and it was changing every game and that’s not gonna help anyone when your trying to build connections on the pitch but arsenal have that now and it’s gonna come together. and if i’m being honest most of the goal we’ve conceded haven’t even been manus fault it’s been the defence. people always use goalkeepers as a scapegoat when things go wrong and it’s really annoying. for example the spurs game in the wsl people where so quick to blame manu for the loss when the front line had 31 shots and none went in and watching spurs goal back it’s should never of happened, the midfield gave them a lot of space and the defence just let it happen it was like no one was marking Martha Thomas, yeah manu could’ve done more but if the midfield/ defence did better the goal never happens and i stand by this the front line cost us that game, and it’s the same for the liverpool game and others, the city game manu played very well and even the west ham game, dose manu make mistakes- yes but so dose every goal keeper, can she improve- absolutely, i’ve even seen some people say that manus 28 so she should be in her prime but then for example mary earps it took her till she was like 28/29 to come into her prime,

Nonny, one of the things you've said is we've seen what Manu is like in form and we have which is why everyone is so exasperated with her performances because she's not in form now and hasn't been for a while now, and yes Mary took until she was 28/29 to get into her prime but that isn't the standard for all goalkeepers and let's not forget Mary very nearly quit the sport all together, they aren't the same and their paths aren't the same.

I understand you wanting to defend Manu and like I have said she isn't solely to blame for all of the errors this season but she is an undeniably big part of the issue and with her being as inconsistent as she is that's going to cost Arsenal a chance at the titles.

The people saying Roebuck to Arsenal imo have been saying it solely because they feel bad that she has been dropped seemingly without cause and they want her to get playing time, personally I think it would be a mistake to get in someone who hasn't played all season to suddenly be a replacement for your starter keeper, which is why I think the move to Barca would be good if it materialises because she can get training and some playing time without being first choice. Her situation is definitely going have caused some confidence issues which will take a while to iron out and I hope she does make a move even if it's not to Barca then at least to somewhere that will give her a chance.

As for the Misa comments honestly I belive she has the potential to be a really great keeper but my god does she need a better defence than what she's working with at RM especially when she clearly is working her ass off. Plus she is young only what 24 or 25 she has time to mature and develop into a great keeper and if she were to leave RM the a move to Arsenal would be interesting in terms of development but that more than likely wouldn't happen, especially since people were mostly commenting that her personality would fit with Arsenal's squad and they are right, I don't think anyone genuinely believes it would happen.

Lastly you spoke about the Spurs goal, that goal was a goal she could have saved if she tried, she didn't there was no effort whatsoever from her she watched as it rolled past her and not even at speed either. Our attack in that game were shit and our finishing needs work we all know that but that doesn't take away from the fact that Manu yet again did nothing to stop a shot on goal she just stood there watching. Keepers make mistakes yes but at least other keepers try to stop goals which Manu is a see how she feels kinda keeper right now one day she will dive and move and do everything she can to stop goals and others she just watches the goals happen. That is the part that is killing Arsenal because how can your outfield players play to their full potential if they can't trust their keeper to try and show up. We've seen more than once this season the backline doesn't trust Manu like they did and if that carries on it will only hinder the team.

Thanks for taking the time to send the ask Nonny and I hope you don't mind the awfully long reply and that I don't agree with you on many points. I will agree that Goalkeepers are used as scapegoats and I will add that they get a lot of hate for things out of their control but at the same time they aren't above criticism or being called out on poor performances which is a lot of what Manu gets, there are people who are hating just to hate no doubt but not everyone is hating some are just frustrated.

Have a good day or night Nonny

[bread-gobgob]

god im gonna regret this in the morning.

i made this playlist the week leading up to your birthday. i'm going to make another one this year. here is how my night is going.

my best friend who i usually call when i'm this upset is out on the town having fun. he always calls me when he's down. he calls me to tell me about batman and jesus christ superstar and lord of the rings. he was going to bring me along to the fun as a plus one, but i'm not eighteen so i can't go clubbing. i'm still just seventeen. I'm the same age you were when we met, Eni.

I'm seventeen and I'm gonna be eighteen soon. Are you proud of me?

I have a million emotional triggers. Some are much more severe than others. tonight, i can't place what exactly has set me off. maybe it's that once again i'm too young for something. maybe its the fact i've been locked up in this god-forsaken room all day. maybe its the fact that i left my phone in my boss' car and haven't had it all day and won't have it again until monday.

do you miss me? i miss you. i miss having something constant in my life. there is venom behind my feelings for you, but there is also so much hurt. i think the only real reason i'm mad is because you left me and didn't say a word. i had to get my girlfriend at the time to message you about it.

i miss you. i miss you and i am so vulnerable right now. it is late at night, my room is pitch black. i don't use discord the way i used to anymore. im not fifteen anymore. i'm not fifteen anymore, oblivion.

can you believe it? i'm not fifteen. i'm not fifteen! it's been so long since I was fifteen. oh god how wonderful it is to no longer be fifteen. oh god how horrible it is to still be seventeen.

i've been drinking a lot lately. i work a bar. i have adult friends. vodka is my best friend but i haven't had it in a while. i went to a party, and at it i drank something that tasted like mentholated spirits. i pulled all my friends aside and apologised for being so bitter. i told my best friend i loved him. i kissed a boy i know so many times he giggled and held me tight and god, i don't know who i am anymore, oblivion.

i try to throw myself into my writing - my most recent chapter is about Gadina, who's been repurposed, and who I was originally going to write as aromantic but there's this girl, Ivy, who she's the knight of and they're in love. They can't be in love because they're girls, but they also can't be in love because Gadina's brother was murdered and Gadina is seeking revenge on all who live in the castle.

I think maybe you would like it.

I try and throw myself into my friends - i talk to them about their interests and their past experiences, and i tell them i love them because I do, but I feel as though i'm not enough for them. i fear that one day they'll see me, this broken thing you couldn't love anymore, and they'll leave the same way you did. without a goodbye. begging me to let go.

i think maybe you would like them, too.

im trying to rediscover myself, oblivion. im trying to map out what exactly i am. my whole identity was you, and that's my fault. i was obsessed with you - you were older, wiser, had more experience than me. i thought you were so cool and I remember thinking, in the earliest days, that I wanted to be your friend so bad. Now you're not here, so I have to find another identity.

alcohol isn't an identity.

do you miss me too? sometimes i hear running out of roses or everything or stuff we did or hero, oh raven, my love is sick, forever drunk, all the songs on that playlist, really. and I think, this isn't possible. how do you recover from a bond so insanely important.

I hope you never see this message. Your Honey Bee.