#obey me simeon quotes

[devildomwriter]

These two quotes hit hard now that we know the truth.

In the first one Solomon ALREADY KNOWS that Simeon is becoming a demon and the way he asks Simeon to come along forces Simeon to lie, further convincing Solomon.

In the second one, Simeon is looking for reassurance from MC that they’d like his protection not because he’s an angel (because secretly he isn’t), but because it’s him. He NEEDS to hear from MC that they need him anyway.

[authormars]

MC: How do angels reproduce?

Simeon: Well, it's a very complicated process and the Father-

Lucifer: Mitosis

MC:

Simeon:

Lucifer, pointing to Satan: Mitosis

[villianbell]

Satan : prove it

Mc : prove what?

Satan : prove that you can tell who's coming based on their foot steps

Mc : Well, it sounds like Luke is moving quickly twords us while Simeon is following much calmer

Luke : *busts into the room* Mc!

Mc : see I told you

Lucifer : Hmm, that's rather impressive

Mc : Thanks, it's a trauma response

Lucifier : It's a what...

[spark-river]

MC: Why are angels dressed sluttier than Asmo?

Simeon: Wha-?

Solomon: nudity was a form of purity too and in the end it's just a body.

Asmodeus: Michael definitely was the one to tell you that. He has his tits out.

Simeon: He doesn't?!

[tsukii0002]

Luke: Mc, I have a question.

Mc: *smiling at him* Tell me Luke.

Luke: *pensatively* How is a new angel born?

Mc: *panic* That- *stopping to think* is a very good question…

Luke: But do you know? Simeon hasn't answered me clearly :(

Mc: *looking at him totally confused* The truth is that I have no idea… if god is involved nowadays… or not… I'm not even sure if it's in the same way as humans…

Luke: ? And how is a new human born?

Mc: …

Mc: I'm sure that Simeon can answer that question for you.

.

.

[rainiishowers]

Solomon: You were stabbed. Do you remember anything?

MC: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital.

Solomon: That wasn't an ambulance, I drove you.

MC: But I heard a siren.

Solomon: That was Mammon.

Mammon: Sorry, I got nervous-

——

Belphegor: If we put Solomon and Barbatos in a room, who would come out crying first?

Diavolo: The room.

——

Barbatos: Where's Satan..?

MC: Doing stuff.

Barbatos: I don't like the sound of that. Where's Lucifer?

MC: Trying to stop Satan. from doing the stuff.

Barbatos: And Asmodeus?

MC: Trying to stop Lucifer from stopping Satan. from doing the stuff.

Barbatos: I see. And what are you doing here, MC?

MC: I'm supposed to stop you from stopping Asmodeus from stopping Lucifer from stopping Satan, from doing the stuff.

——

Mammon: You can trust me! Let's not forget who pulled you out of the river when you were six.

Levi: let's not forget who pushed me in

——

Lucifer: You don’t want MC to die

Simeon: Right.

Lucifer: And I don't want MC to die.

Simeon: Right.

Lucifer: So we just have to make sure MC doesn’t want MC to die.

Simeon: Wonderful plan, but have you met MC?

——

Asmodeus: Do you think I’m ugly?

Solomon: It’s not about looks, Asmodeus. What’s valuable is on the inside...

Asmodeus: Aww.. Sol...

Solomon: For example, someone's heart.

Asmodeus: Aw... Stop it-

Solomon: It could be purchased for more than a million dollars, you know.

Asmodeus: Seriously, stop it.

——

Diavolo: Words ending in 'ie' just sound so adorable. Like cutie, sweetie, cookie-

MC: Eyy, homie!

Leviathan: But then there's cootie...

Belphegor: Die.

——

Lucifer: Who broke the toaster?

Satan: It was Mammon.

Asmodeus: It was Mammon.

Beelzebub: Mammon broke it.

Mammon:

Mammon: ...yOU PROMISED-

——

Luke: Everyone thinks I'm this soft cute person but I'm not!

Simeon: Luke, you cried for an hour after stepping on a bug yesterday.

Luke: It had feelings! It was probably going home to dinner and I killed it!

Solomon: ...It was a bug…

Luke: It was a BEETLE, and its wife is definitely worried sick, wondering where it is, and I really don't get why you all think I'm so sentimental because I'm not!

Solomon: ...

Simeon: ...

Luke: Stop looking at me like that!

——

Asmodeus: Wow, this parking is as straight as I am.

Lucifer: I know I should be focused on the fact that you just came out, but HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY PARKING!

——

Mammon: I'm not that stupid!

Lucifer: Mammon, you literally ate the wax from a babybel.

Mammon: BELPHIE TOLD ME IT WAS EDIBLE!

——

Mephisto, referring to MC and Mammon: Those guys are dorks.

Lucifer, insulted: Yes, but they’re my dorks.

[overheardbyvarioustherapists]

MC: What a day... Lucifer: MC, it's not even noon yet. Simeon: That makes three of us in need of a tea break. Barbatos, with a tray of tea and snacks: Make that four.

[slutifer]

mc: ugh thank you so much simeon, you’re such an ANGEL

Simeon: uhh thank you ??

Simeon: … and you’re such a human?

[a-local-idiots-shitpost]

Mc: (holding a gun) who made Luke cry?

Simeon: I told you to stop bringing your gun everywhere

Mc: so I should just let people get away with bullying a little kid?

Simeon: ...

Simeon: I'll look away for ten minutes and I hope you're done by then

[helpiamlostsomewhereinthegarden]

MC: Don't kill me! I have friends!

Some Random witches: You think we care about that?

MC: No, this isn't a plea for mercy. It's a warning.

Witches: What?

The brothers + Purgatory Hall + Diavolo and Barbaros, kicking down the door: Where is our Human?!

[devildomwriter]

“Your butler does take his job seriously, doesn’t he Diavolo?”

“Well, no more so than your Chihuahua, right?”

“Ahaha! You have a point.”

— Simeon and Diavolo (Chapter 31-16 H)

[incarnadin3]

Obey Me! Incorrect quotes pt. 5

MC: What are you in the mood for? Belphegor: World domination. MC: That's a bit ambitious. Belphegor: You are my world. MC: Aww… Belphegor: MC: Belphegor: MC: OH.

Mammon: I love you. MC, not paying attention: What was that? Mammon: I said I’m selling you to the zOo-

Asmodeous: Being half asleep and feeling someone gently plant a kiss on your forehead is one of the purest kinds of love in the world. Belphegor: Unless you're home alone.

Lucifer: Hopefully Satan has learned a lesson about respecting other people's feelings. Satan: Oh, shut up and die Lucifer.

Belphegor: I’m not lazy, I just find it hard to put effort into things I’m not passionate about. Lucifer: What are you passionate about? Belphegor: Sleeping.

Mammon: Can I bother you for a second? Lucifer: You're always bothering me, but go ahead.

Belphegor, teaching Satan to drive: Okay, you're driving and an old man and a cat walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit? Satan: Oh, definitely the old man. It's probably Lucifer anyways. I could never hurt a cat. Belphegor, massaging their temples: The brakes. You hit the brakes.

Diavolo: I literally cannot believe I let you talk me into this. MC: I literally said “I have an idea,” and you just went along with it without question.

MC: Someone’s trying to break in. Call the cops! Mammon: loads shotgun I got this. MC: Last week you fell up the stairs, what do you mean-

Satan: Helpful grammar tip: “farther” is for physical distance, “further” is for methaphorical distance, and “father” is for emotional distance!

[villianbell]

Family exercise

The teacher:*hands mc a baby with a dark complexion*

Solomon : you have some explaining to do.

Mc: oh I’m so sorry you had to find out this way! Me and my lawyer Simeon have been having an affair!

Simeon : *holding his and asmo doll* what?!

Asmo : SIMEON HOW COULD YOU!

The teacher: please have your family drama out of my classroom….

[aydien677]

Incorrect Quotes #2

Mc: “Aaaaahhhhhhhhhh”

Satan: “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”

Lucifer: “What are you doing?”

Mc: “Letting out our internal screaming.”

Satan: *screams harder at Lucifer*

Lucifer: *sigh* “of course that’s what this is.”

Mc: *snorts* “Ahhhh”

Mc: *smacks a block of cheese on the counter at Purgatory Hall* “Cheese.”

Luke: “Huh?!”

Solomon having been old enough to know what Vine is: *wheeze*

Simeon: *stands there confused* “What?”

Mc: “Lucifer!”

Lucifer: “yes Mc?”

Mc: “Luciii!”

Lucifer: “Is there something you need Mc?”

Mc: “No, I just want to say your name in as many different and weird ways as possible Luci-Goosey”

Lucifer: “…”

Mc: “Lucifucker, sushifer, LuciFUR, Lucifella, LuLu, LuLuBirb,”

Lucifer: “Mc… why?”

[tsukii0002]

Mc: Let me get this straight...

Lucifer, Solomon and Simeon kneeling on the floor in front of them.

Mc: You want me to help you settle a dispute between two tribes of magical creatures.

Simeon: *hurried* That's…

Mc: Because Luke had insisted on going to see those creatures because Solomon *looking at him* had shown them to him, saying that they were harmless.

Solomon: *without looking up, a shy smile on his face* Ha, ha, ha…. Yes

Mc: And then Luke accompanied by the brothers *looking at Lucifer* went and broke the seal that marked the peace between the tribes starting a civil war.

Lucifer: Yes…

Mc: And you expect ME, who happens to know the matriarchs and leaders of the tribes, because I happen to take this peace between the three realms very seriously, to intercede and solve the problem?

Lucifer, Simeon and Solomon: That's is…

Mc: Ummm let me think….. No.

Solomon: Mc!!!

Mc: So now I'm mature enough??

Lucifer: This and that are different things!!!!

Mc: Any of you let me go to the lantern festival with my classmates at night because I was too young!!!!! Too young to understand the dangers of Devildom!!!!!

Simeon: But Mc-

Mc: And now I am old enough to solve diplomatic problems that can affect the whole political balance of hell? Nu, nu, I refuse, it's your problem.

Lucifer: Mc please…

Simeon: We are asking you on our knees…

Solomon: This is very serious… We'll do whatever you want.

Mc: Nope, I'm too young to understand the seriousness of this situation, I leave it to you, the ADULTS.

The three of them: Mc!!!!

Mc: Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an afternoon tea with the queen of the mermaids *leaves*.

Meanwhile at the back of the room, calm because had already asked Mc help and the problem was solved.

Diavolo: Did you see that?

Barbatos: *smiling* Yes, my lord

Diavolo: *funnily* And everyone told me that it was a bad idea to give Mc a government position :D.

.

.

[rainiishowers]

Lucifer: *Wears a slightly lighter shade of black*

Asmodeus: I see you're bursting out the spring colors.

———

Mammon, rolling down the car window: what seems to be the problem, officer?

Cop: get the FUCK out of my car

———

Luke: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it

Luke: And I started thinking

Luke: Like it was just trying to get food

Luke: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck

Luke: How would I feel

Simeon: Are you okay???

———

Mammon: You should always say "please" and "thank you".

Baby! Satan, deadpanned: Please shut the fuck up, thank you.

Mammon: Not what I meant, but still progress!

———

Mammon: *flirts with MC*

MC: *flirts back*

Mammon, internally: i did not plan up to this point. what the fuck do i do now…?

———

Belphegor: *washing the dishes* Who the fuck used this pan??

Belphegor: Wait. I the fuck used this pan...

MC: It was you the fuck

Satan: Who cooks rice in a pan?

Beelzebub: He the fuck

———

MC: If I blended Red Bull, five hour energy, monster, coffee, and hot Cheetos into an Energy Smoothie would it kill me?

Solomon: *shrugs* Only if you die young

MC, getting out the blender: You're so smart

Mammon, running into the room: MC STOP-

———

Satan: I'm gonna open a cat cafe, but I need investors. Here's the plan. The first floor will have normal cats, but as you go up, each floor will have more and more dangerous cats, and at the top floor is me with a gun.

———

Beelzebub: *is carrying all the groceries*

M: *holds out hand to help*

Beelzebub: *aggressively moves all the groceries to one hand to hold MC’s hand*

———

Asmo: And once again, Asmo and Solomon save the day.

Barbatos: You didn't do anything. It was all Solomon.

Asmodeus: We're a package deal. Everyone knows that.

———

Diavolo: Would you kiss me for 1k grimm?

Lucifer: Why?

Diavolo: Just curious

Lucifer, playing along: ..I suppose

Diavolo: [Slams 1k onto the table] would you look at that-