#obviously its my own experience as we all take highlights from things differently

[noxiatoxia]

HEY so I know its been a minute since I've sent an ask, but I saw some of your posts about danganronpa, specifically regarding another episode, udg, and I was agasp because I was literally in the middle of playing it for the first time lmao. So after finishing the game last night I really wanted to ask, if you want to ofc, your in depth thoughts on the game and why you like it so much, or even thoughts on the gameplay and mechanics since its so different than the danganronpa staple. I quite liked it personally because of Komaru and Toko's relationship, them becoming two of my fav characters in the franchise so far, and because I became very endeared to the kids by the end of the story. I have some qualms with how Kotoko was handled in chapter 3 at... that part... but she's also my favorite of the kids at the same time lol.

Anyways yeah no pressure at all, I just was really curious because I liked the game a lot and found it so funny that you posted stuff about it as I was playing it. Also because I really enjoy your ouran opinions. But again I get if not, the game has some senstive subjects for sure. Thanks!

THIS IS LIKE THE BEST ASK EVER FOR ME TO RECEIVE. I AM SO PASSIONATE ABOUT THIS GAME AND HAVE BEEN FOR NEARLY A DECADE AT THIS POINT.

Okay....where to even START....

(I will be referring to UDG as DR:AE or just AE in this. SPOILERS FOR ALL OF DR:AE.)

Firstly, the environment. Unlike the main series, DR:AE does not take place in a secluded area away from the real world. It does the opposite; you are in such a vast area, you are not caged, yet you are still trapped. Even if Komaru didn't have that wristband on her, where would she go? The game is great at highlighting what the world outside of what we are told in the mainline games is actually like, how caged things are even outside, all while expanding upon existing characters' backgrounds by introducing family members, or little pieces of dialogue that serve to flesh out the world.

The gameplay itself, personally, I find VERY fun. I'm not a shooter game person, but DR:AE was a game I could play many times over. I love the different types of ammo, the puzzles, the possibilities with how to destroy the monokumas. Just a fun game all around. It's by far the most replayable Danganronpa game, as the main series games are all about the story. Once you know the story, there's really no reason to replay them. In fact, they are quite slow and boring without the intrigue of the mystery.

But the highlight, obviously, is the characters. As is Danganronpa's specialty.

While I still maintain Hajime is the most interesting protagonist of the series, Komaru serves as a great subversion of the expectations set up by Makoto's actions in the first game. Makoto is someone who preserved no matter what, changed those around him with his hope. He was your quintessential paragon protagonist. While Komaru displays this a little in some scenes (namely rallying the adults under Haiji's protection) this is only the result of speaking from her own wants and experiences. That is to say, unlike Makoto who always tried to help others even if it cost his own life, Komaru is much more realistic. She cares, first and foremost, about her safety. Her helping others to stand up for themselves comes from her own desire to keep fighting so she can live, and so she imparts that onto the people around her. Fight so you can live. She says it herself: she is not like Makoto. She is selfish, she is not endlessly optimistic. She's more like Hajime in this way, but unlike Hajime who find his own brand of philosophy, Komaru really doesn't. Rather, while Hajime's character serves to show you don't have to choose a predetermined path (hope or despair) and rather your path can simply be believing in yourself, Komaru's character shows that sometimes, and maybe even most of the time, believing in yourself or a specific ideal is not feasible. Komaru believes in the people around her - namely Toko. She believes in her friend, and believes with her friend that things can keep going. This in my opinion is an excellent twist on Makoto, who was, by all means, that friend that people believed in, not the one doing the believing.

And, as an aside, Toko and Komaru have the best development of any pair of characters in the series. Yes, even moreso than Hajime and Komaeda (who I maintain never really had "development" between each other than just a very, very good dynamic from the get-go that was influenced at points by outside plot forces on Komaeda's end. Think Light and L from Death Note in this manner).

Now, let me talk about the real meat of the game, and my favorite characters to date in the whole series: The Warriors of Hope.

I won't lie that I'm biased. I'm very biased for these guys. But I think a lot of people don't give these guys the credit they deserve considering this is a Japanese game. In Japan, child abuse is a bit of a taboo topic (that thankfully has been resolving over time). Due to the nature of Japan's politeness system and "family above all else" attitude, many child abuse cases not only go unreported, but are flat out ignored. The epidemic of babies dying in coin-operated lockers being an especially egregious example of rampant child abuse that occurred. Despite being prevalent since 1971, it took till 1993 to be socially addressed.

This is just one example, but I think it serves my point: child abuse is/was an issue in Japan when it comes to socially speaking of it. ( In fact, in the game itself, Nagisa and Kotoko both directly say they tried to reach out and get help, but were ignored by adults). This is why art regarding child abuse is so important. And that's why a huge series like Danganronpa centering a game about child abuse is such a huge deal. It sparks discussion and promotes visibility of the topic. Not to say media before hadn't talked about it - in fact, there is a lot of Japanese media about child abuse for this very reason - but that does not undermine the importance of Danganronpa deciding to portray it so openly. It is even more important, to me, that they do not stop at physical or sexual abuse. Rather, abuse focused on verbal harm and emotional neglect are portrayed as being just as damaging, which is one of the most overlooked and underplayed forms of abuse in general.

Their portray of abuse also is rather accurate. I will make a confession: I was definitely a bit too young to play danganronpa when I did. Definitely not 18 yet. But I was a teen, and very aware of different types of abuse, sexual abuse included. But despite all the PSAs, books I had read on my own or even ones assigned to me for classes, I had never seen a sexual assault victim be portrayed as hypersexual before. In fact, I didn't even know such a thing was possible. Yes, it is very, very likely I just got Komaeda levels of unlucky to not encounter that in any of my reading or research material at the time, but I think it's common, nonetheless, that people to this day still have the misconception that sexual abuse victims are all afraid of sex or anything sexual. While that is true for some, many people are now becoming more aware that sexual abuse survivors can often display hypersexual tendencies. In this way, I DID learn a lot about the effects of sexual abuse based on how Kotoko acted, and was able to do my own research from there to learn more. Furthermore, the game is good at portraying things like specific triggers in the form of words, smells, items, or specific phrases. Again, I feel it's mostly stereotyped that most triggers are objects that "make sense" like cigarettes or alcohol (much like with what Masaru was afflicted with). But the game made sure to include ones that were "non conventional" like specific words ("gentle" in Kotoko's case) and portrayed both triggers, no matter how common or uncommon, as equally severe. The game also shows negative effects child abuse can have on those around the children. After all, the WoH would not be doing the things they were doing if it weren't for how they were treated in the first place.

(Aside: This is particularly WHY I get so mad when people hate on DR:AE for being "icky". If you are personally uncomfortable with topics of child abuse, that is wholly reasonable and you do not have to play or even like a game that centers on that. You are in your full right and perfectly valid to say "I think this is gross and uncomfortable, therefore I do not like it" or "I don't like this game because I felt personally overlooked/triggered by it" or "I don't like this game because I felt it was not fun or well written". But to say it is objectively "problematic" or "disgusting" to have a game like this exist? That is just spitting in the face of people trying to advocate for visibility of child abuse. You are doing nothing but making people like myself who felt vindicated, seen, or educated by this game like bad guys. Sincerely, please do not call a game that does not shy away from the uncomfortable realities of child abuse "problematic" based on that alone.)

(Aside aside: there are "problematic" elements in the game and things to criticize as is true of all media. The Kotoko minigame I would say is the biggest "why is this in here" moment and is definitely just a fan service scene. I don't like it either. This does not mean the game itself and as a whole is valueless or bad.)

That leads into my next point: I love how morally gray the "good" and "bad" guys are. The WoH aren't doing what they're doing (save Monaca) because they want to hurt people for the lolz (though they have fun with it, as kids would). They think what they're doing is genuinely good. It's a good way to rival Junko, who knew she was evil and batshit crazy, but didn't care. These kids think they are helping children and keeping them safe. And they're kids - young kids can't really think in very complex manners. If you were treated horribly by most adults in your life, and your peers were as well and shared the same sentiments as you, you would be 100% convinced your convictions were righteous then. Hell, I've met adults that think this way (pretty much all extremists who think anyone part of x group, race, gender, religion, etc is evil). A kid thinking this way is very realistic. They are also all different levels of "morally gray". Nagisa, for example, ends up helping Komaru because he feels that a paradise for children is more important than the sole idea of killing all adults. Meanwhile, Monaca, perhaps because of the abuse she suffered all her life, has become a person that we can assume will just enact similar abusive tactics on everyone around her till the day she dies. While it's a misconception that people who suffer abuse often turn into abusers themselves (they simply just have a higher chance to commit crimes, anything from petty crimes to violent ones) there are undoubtedly cases where this does happen. A real life example is Douglas Spinx (HUGE TW; CSA & BESTIALITY). My point is: the portrayal of abuse victims in many different lights from people who can inflict harm unintentionally but with help and intervention can make recoveries to those who, in the rarest and saddest of cases, will turn to a full life of inflicting harm on others intentionally, is important - for someone like me, at least. Without the proper care or attention, horrible things like these can happen. I find this a very important thing to be open about.

Then we have Haiji. Haiji is supposed to be a "good guy". He's cowardly, yes, but he does fight to help the adults being killed. He attempts to bolster moral. But...despite having good intentions and even doing some good things, he's kind of horrible. After all, he's the one who contributed to Monaca's abuse and made her the way she is now. He's just like the kids except reversed; he thinks all children are evil because they're the ones killing everyone. And in his position, I do think most people would feel that way. I mean, if literally every kid in your area was wearing a helmet that turned them fuckin murderous and were killing all your friends and family would you, after enduring months of this, still bother to be like "not all kids though!". Likely not. Even though it is wrong, it is still a realistic way these things would pan out, much like how it did for the WoH. I mean, for a real life example, one need not look further than one of those extremist radical feminist blogs here on Tumblr that believes every single person born male is a brute. Most of those people believe that way because they have personally been hurt by one or several males in their lives, and y'know, fear and pain leads to hate and all of that.

Speaking of, I like the brainwashing in this game far more than in DR3 the anime (spoilers for that later on but tbqh DR3 is not worth anyone's time). I never liked brainwashing as a trope - I feel it is lazy. However, in DR:AE and DR1 they're utilized pretty well. In DR1 it's literally glossed over as "does it really matter? The outcome is more important than the means" which considering DR1, moreso than any other game in the series, is a satire and is supposed to focus on absurdity, I think having the brainwashing LITERALLY be hand-waved as "eh, it just happened" makes a lot of sense thematically with the goofy writing. But as you know, as DR went on, it became more and more serious with itself (for...better and worse...) in DR:AE, I like how the brainwashing affects only the nameless children. DR3's anime was lazy by having all the main characters get brainwashed by a funny little video, both in future&despair arc. In AE, it's a helmet. I think this makes much more sense as theoretically the helmet could be attached to the actual brains of these people. Plus, as said in the game, they blow up when the controller is destroyed, giving credence to that theory. The brainwashing in AE is not a vehicle to explain why main characters act the way they do. Rather, it's just a device used to create background conflict/build up the main villains, leaving the main characters to be affected by persuasion and manipulation (the objectively better version of "brainwashing").

Circling back to the WoH, outside of their thorough portrayals of abuse and standings as "villains who think they are doing the right thing", they're just fun. Like, legit, I just think they're fun. Outside of their trauma, they aren't very complex, but that's the point. The game is a commentary about abuse and how it affects you, the people around you, and the world. The WoH are not the characters meant to be developed and complex entities who undergo deep changes - that is left to our protagonists. As most series with static characters do, they assign each member a core personality. Every Warrior of Hope has a number of traits influenced by this personality (the "sporty" one, the "smart" one, etc) that make them vastly different from each other, making them not only distinct but just fun to watch their personalities clash. After all, if they were not bonded by their trauma, they probably wouldn't be friends at all. it's honestly like a Teen Titans situation in that way, and I've always loved stuff like that. Of course, their personalities are also heavily influenced by their trauma, again a realistic depiction of how trauma can and will change who you are as a person and present itself in many facets of your actions.

I THINK that's all my MAIN points. Suffice to say, DR:AE is my favorite game in the series. I think it's the most fun, has the best character developments and dynamics, I think its story is the most emotional and deep-cutting, and it really spoke to me during a time that I needed something like this to reach me. I won't say it's the best DR game in terms of overall narrative (that honor goes to SDR2) but it comes close. And I know not everyone will feel the same way about this game that I do. Thanks for this ask; yet another reminder I need to do my bi-yearly replay of this game.

(Footnote so I don't get "so you hate waffles"'d: my bringing real-life examples into this is not to say those instances are exactly like what happens in the video game nor to say they are on the same level of importance. Obviously real life is far more important and complex than anything that could happen in a game. I only bring them up to support my points about certain aspects being realistic by using, well, real life examples.)

[a3mtls]

Main Story: Act 11 - Acting On My Own / Episode 1

Note: Reminder that this is machine translated. Anything highlighted in orange or has [?] next to it, did not translate properly. I will try my best to make it simple for readers to understand. If there are any mistakes, kindly point them out. I’m always open to learn and receive help!!

—

[not proofread]

Act 11 / Episode 1 - Life Changing Experience [?]

第11回第1話 - 原体験

Note: I’m sorry, I used like 3-4 different translators to better grasp what they were saying but it’s hard. I tried my best to make it understandable.

Tenma: We are Aliens. We have come to begin our invasion on Earth. [?]

『ワレワレハ宇宙人ダ。 コレヨリ地球二侵略ヲ開始スル』

Sakuya: If you value your life, surrender quickly. [?]

『命ガ惜シクバ速ヤカニ降伏セヨ』

Tsumugi: We are Aliens too. We have infiltrated the Earth as spies. [?]

『ワレワレモ宇宙人ダ。 地球ニハスパイトシテ潜り込ンデイタ』

Banri: It is a violation of the Space Federation Law if you interfere. Leave immediately. [?]

『横槍八宇宙連邦法二反スル。 速ヤカニ退去セヨ』

Izumi: Everyone, sorry I’m late—.

Tenma: Is that the Power Plant on Earth. [?]

『アレガ地球ノ植物力』

Sakuya: 『採取セネバ!』 [?] [harvest the plant?]

Izumi: ???

(Oh, they must be doing an Etude.)

Tsumugi: Do not touch it. That is our prey. [?]

『手出シハナラヌ。 我々ノ獲物デアル』

Banri: If you do not leave, we will have no choice but to use force. [?]

『退去シナケレバ、 強制退去ヲ行使スル』

Izumi: (Seems like an alien story. It looks exciting.)

Sakuya: …..Ah! I’m so sorry! I didn’t even notice that Director arrived.

Izumi: No, I’m sorry for being late.

Tsumugi: Then, we should start on the leader meeting.

Izumi: Before we get into it, why don’t we take a quick look back at our past performances.

I think we gained a lot of experience through the 7th performance of each group, the collaboration performance with GODza, and the mix performance, what do you guys think?

Sakuya: Well….. I think each of us was able to improve our abilities by playing the lead role for a second time.

Tenma: Thanks to the tie-up ACT with the first generation, my goal became clear and my mindset changed a lot.

Tsumugi: The collaboration performance with GODza was also a great inspiration. I think everyone, including those behind the scenes has become even more motivated.

Banri: The mix performance also became a hot topic of conversation, and I think it served as a good opportunity for the entire theater company to come together even more.

Izumi: Yeah, I think so too. With these things in mind, we will move on to the next performance…..

Thanks to the various challenges we faced at each performance, the new MANKAI Company is now gaining a lot of attention.

In addition, thanks to Kamikizaka-san, a board member of the Fleur Awards will come to the next performance.

I think it will be a great chance to be nominated for the Fleur Awards. I definitely want to leave an impact and succeed.

Tsumugi: That means…..

Sakuya: Mankai Show, alright!

Izumi: Yeah. Regarding Hakkaku-san’s concept, I have been reading the contents with Tsuzuku-kun and thinking about how to perform it.….

I think it's time to start working in earnest. The theme is space opera.

Tenma: No way, aliens—

Izumi: It's going to be a little different from the previous etude though.

Tenma: Is that so, I see…..

Banri: Obviously.

Izumi: It's a group drama set in the vast universe, where the lives of many people are intertwined.

Tenma: 今までになかった世界観だな。[?]

[it’s something we havent done before?]

Izumi: There’s one thing I’m worried about and it’s the length. If all the theatre members are going to have an active role, the script will be too long and dragged out.

Sakuya: It’s going to be too much for Tsuzuru-kun.

Izumi: Well, it’s a relief that Tsuzuru-kun will have the cooperation of GODza's Madoka-kun.

Tsumugi: If it’s Madoka-kun, then its reassuring.

Izumi: We will be having a direct meeting with Madoka-kun soon, so I think the plot will start coming together little by little.

Tenma: I’m looking forward to it.

Banri: As for the length, I guess we have no choice but to leave it up to Tsuzuru and Madoka.

Izumi: I agree. Let's support where we can.

Another issue other than the script, is the rehearsal schedule.

I think it's quite difficult to keep track of all the members schedules from rehearsals until the actual performance.

But first, what do the four leaders think?

Tsumugi: I think I can adjust my schedule.

Sakuya: I've talked to you beforehand, so I’m good.

Tenma: I've already talked to Igawa and asked him to save me from long-term work.

Izumi: What about Banri-kun's university?

Banri: I have to help out a little with my senpai’s graduation performances, but it's not a problem.

Izumi: Good.

Sakuya: So you help your senpai with their graduation performances.

Banri: The graduation performance is too big so there isn’t enough people to help out.

Plus, helping out is a good learning experience.

Tsumugi: Life at art school sounds like fun.

Tenma: That seems like alot of stuff, showing up here and there, doing various things. [?]

なんだかんだ、あちこち顔出して、色々やってるよな。

Banri: The people around me, including my senpai, kouhai, and instructors, are all people who are devoting their lives to theater and dance, which is very stimulating.

I thought I would make the most of this wonderful environment while I was at university.

Izumi: (He’s trying to absorb everything and grow.)

How reliable.

Tenma: I won’t lose so I have to work hard too.

Sakuya: Me too, I’ll keep looking for things I can learn as well!

Izumi: I'm also going to consult with Yuzo-san next Saturday to think about what I can do as a General Director.

Banri: You chose the toughest place yourself. [?]

自ら一番厳しいとこ選んだな。

[yuzo-san is a strict and tough teacher?]

Tsumugi: But, there’s alot to be gained.

Izumi: I’m prepared to work hard so I’m going to do my best! I have to grow just like everyone else.

As a troupe member, or as an individual, let’s all work together to improve our performance until the Mankai Show.

Sakuya: Yes!

—

Izumi: Oh, is it that late already? I have to go out soon. I guess that's all for today's meeting. Please contact every member from each group.

Sakuya: Yes, itterasshai.

Tsumugi: Ah, that’s right, Director——and she’s gone.

Tenma: What’s wrong?

Tsumugi: I was thinking of giving her a ticket to a play since I won't be able make it….. [?]

俺が行けなくなった舞台のチケット、 代わりに行ってもらおうと思ったんだけど･･…………。

Banri: A play?

Tsumugi: A play by “Hyakka Troupe”.

I had promised Sakuya-kun a long time ago to go see it with him, but we couldn't get tickets.….

Sakuya: We were finally able to with the help of Tsumugi-san’s acquaintance.

Tenma: Is “Hyakka Troupe” a theater company that won the Fleur Award last year?

Tsumugi: It was already famous, but it seems like it became even more popular after the Fleur Award.

I was looking forward to it, but due to my part- time job as a private tutor, I’m not able to.

Banri: When?

Tsumugi: Next Saturday.

Tenma: Director, didn't she say she was going to meet Yuzo-san that day?

Tsumugi: Ah, I see….. That’s no good. I need to find someone else that could go.

Tenma: I also have work to do that day…..

Banri: I’m free though.

Tsumugi: Really? Then, Banri-kun, why don’t you go see it instead?

Banri: Yeah, I am curious to know what kind of theater troupe wins the Fleur Award.

Tsumugi: That’s great. This is the theater company that got Sakuya-kun interested in acting.

Sakuya: Yes. If I hadn't seen that theater company's play, I might not have started acting.

Banri: Heh. Now, I’m looking forward to it even more.

Sakuya: However, the actor I saw playing the captain may no longer be active.…..

Tenma: Many actors have been around for a long time, and even if they haven't, they're still involved in theater.

Sakuya: I hope so.

Tsumugi: Have fun.

Sakuya: Yes! Thank you very much!

Banri: (Life changing experience, huh…..) [?]

(原体験か…………………。)

(Well, I started acting by chance, so it’s nothing like that for me.)

(If I had to call it a "portrait".….? But I haven't done any of my own "portraits" on stage.)

—

masterlist △ next

Note: it was hard trying to figure out what 原体験 meant because mtl said “original experience” lol but after reading this chapter, im guessing it means an event that changed ones life, since they were talking about how hyakka troupe got sakuya into theater. i gave it some thought and translated it as “life changing experience”.

[winterswhite]

Some of my thoughts after rereading the A3! prologue:

Resisting every urge to point out interesting things I'm noticing in A3EN's localization of the prologue with 3.5 more years of Japanese knowledge, this is a reading club, not a translation club

Why is this the only instance of pink text in the game? I think it's really funny how they highlighted important lines in pink here and then proceeded to never do that again

Logistically I know it was only done here as a way of introducing the player to things and it has no real place anywhere else in the story, but it's still funny

Tsuzuru not catching on about the street act is so cute www

I love how you can tell from this very first interaction between Tasuku and Haruto, and then between Haruto and Tsuzuru, that Godza is a kinda messy environment behind the scenes

In retrospect, this was so fucked up of Izumi's mom (I didn't think anything of it back then, but with the knowledge I have now... whew)

hE RECOGNIZES HER

"KYAAAAAAAAA"

BACKHOE

I think it's so interesting that Sakoda was able to get a permit for the backhoe? It's something so small but I think it's fun how we see here that he has the skill needed to safely operate heavy machinery even though he's often seen as someone who isn't good at much of anything, so it really just comes down to his life circumstances more than his actual ability (I mean the kid's just being taught to read at a third grade level, and it's not his fault)

Pictured: The moment it was over for me

This whole scene is such a mess

The way Sakyo implies there have been other plays recently?? If this is Sakuya's first show, how did those work?

Oh Sakuya sounds so awkward it's hard to watch. Shoutout to Sakai for achieving that

Izumi's thoughts as she watches Sakuya perform hit different knowing about her own failures and experiences with theater

This line always, always gets me. Hard work alone doesn't amount to crap in this world. It never did for him. His mother worked so hard and yet they were poor, he worked hard and could never achieve his own goals... hard work never earned him anything. If it did, maybe he could've stood on this stage, too. Maybe Mankai wouldn't have reached this point. Maybe we wouldn't be here.

Honestly, everything here shows how much Sakyo loves Mankai and how hurt he is too

This conversation between Sakyo and Matsukawa is so much, they both care so much about the theater but Matsukawa is so desperately latching onto it while Sakyo has resigned himself to its fate, he's all but given up (just like he has on himself lol <- in pain)

Oh boy Yukio mention (the way he haunts the narrative is so much)

It's funny that Sakyo takes that jab at Matsukawa for wanting to lean on Yukio and count on him to single-handedly save Mankai, considering what he just said about hard work. If Yukio can't be relied on as the "savior" of Mankai (all the actors need to come back and everything needs to be the way it was before) and hard work alone won't do it either... he really has lost hope

Sakyo you fucking tsundere

You're the boss, boss!

Something something Izumi about to lose the last connection she has to her father even if it's not one she ever really had much of a part in before

Oh Izumi you're so bad at this

Sakyo is Not taking this (meanwhile, Matsukawa...) I do appreciate how he still gave her a chance though, however small it was

Honestly I feel bad for Matsukawa here, knowing how he's been trying so desperately just to keep the troupe afloat for eight years even though it clearly hasn't been going well

Obviously there was no way to fit this into the English localization, but I love how Sakuya introduces himself and then tells Izumi how to spell his name in kanji because of the many different ways it can be written (花の咲くの咲也です！)

I also really appreciate Izumi as a character and how real she feels right from the very beginning, from her interest in theater to her hammy acting to her quick thinking skills

Matsukawa you've been at this for years... (also I'm curious about Izumi's old troupe)

I didn't care much for Sakuya when I first read this story, but knowing all that I do about him now, this is all so endearing... he's so sweet in how he's comforting Izumi and checking in on her (and his whole thing about not wanting to lose the troupe hurts)

"Might as well fail like men!" thank you for the encouragement Matsukawa

I honestly think there's so much to be said about Masumi's character right from the beginning, like with him repeatedly asking how his acting was

Tsuzuru the biggest "struggling uni student" mood

Oh Masumi's line about just taking anyone hits so different in Japanese... Maybe I'm just not as good at picking up on certain types of slang and innuendo, but his wording is so much more... questionable in Japanese, that double meaning cannot be ignored.

Oh god I'm thinking about the A3 timeline again. I will once again try to push it back into the furthest depths of my mind because there clearly is no such thing as "time" in this universe and trying to figure it out has given me headaches before.

[womendeservehumanity]

Every time I subconsciously start to minimize the scale at which men hate women I remember when I went semi viral on tiktok for pointing out disgusting, misogynistic comments on a video. This sick fuck saw a video of a woman showing her ex emotionally abusing her and accusing her of cheating for simply interacting with her friend’s boyfriend. He then decided to take that audio and make it seem as though this was his brother’s “cheating girlfriend”. The audio which is now gone was fucking terrifying. And how you could see it as anything but an abusive situation is beyond me. But males were in the comments laughing at and mocking her. RELATING to the guy. It was beyond me

So I make a video highlighting how reprehensible all of this is. How it truly encapsulates how little men care about female victims, all while women constantly advocate for male victims and their “double standards”. I truly wasn’t expecting this to blow up in any capacity. I literally made an account specifically for the post that same day but alas the algorithm did its thing. At first it was mostly women who were talking about how disgusting the comments and audio were. Talking about their own experiences as well. Then I got an influx of males. Ranging from the good ol devils advocate to the clearly does not comprehend what’s going on at all. They were essentially doing the same things. Spewing misogyny, spreading misinformation that this woman cheated, or victim blaming because why didn’t she leave (she did). I wasn’t gonna let that shit go untamed in my comments as more comments were going in than I could respond to. So I limited them. BUT I kept my dms open and these were some of the comments I got for simply being a woman showcasing how men act.

This was SO many men's reaction to me simply showing what other men were saying in regards to a woman being abused. And how another man saw a video of a woman being abused and decided to use the sound and pretend as though it was a made up scenario where she deserved it. And the logical gender who swears up and down that they wanna hear both sides and get the full context didn't even look and see that the account that had posted the video had a different pfp than the one of the original sound so it was obviously not his video.

I've mentioned this before but the patriarchy relies so heavily on women's suspension of belief that men collectively hate them. That it's truly a few bad apples and that all those bad apples are socially inept, ugly basement dwelling losers who we would never even glance at twice. In a vast orchard full of shiny apples who are attractive, chivalrous prince charmings. When in reality, there is no one set way a misogynist looks or acts And when I got all of these dms full of men showing their unabashed hatred of women and rage at me for showcasing that. It showed me that it has not and will never be a few. And men have absolutely no problem showing that. It's insane how I see women constantly policing other women over the most asinine shit (like being rude to a moid) because it makes women in general look bad. And is going to make more men hate women (as if they don't already). Meanwhile men quite literally could not give less of a fuck. They will be so outward and passionate about their hatred of women, especially online. They have no problem harassing women and subjecting them to misogyny. They don't, not even once, think about how that could make women resent men. And sadly they mostly don't have anything to worry about because so many women are so male obsessed that they will see and experience onslaught misogyny everyday. Both online and off but cope by writing it off as isolated incidents and not a reflection of men and their hatred of women.

[yjwhatif]

so i realized the back half of s4 is the second time in the show that Bart has Done Some Shit and we haven't seen the repercussions/consequences. he lies through his teeth for over a month back in s2 about being a "tourist" and when the truth comes out that he WAS lying (and is from the apocalypse) it's never directly addressed on screen. now he's lied for over three months and disappeared for over two weeks in s4 and we don't see how that effects him or his life or the people in it AT ALL.

Yeah… For me, while i still love s4, i do think its biggest fault is in it's lack of outsiders presence - especially once we get to the bart plot - barts connection is with them - not any of the people he's grouped up with once free from lor (bar artemis maybe). we need to see the outsiders/those closest to him to experience the consequences that come from him deceiving and leaving them… it was obviously disappointing to not see them play much of a part through gars decline but i've talked about my perspective on why that is before (if i find that original post I’ll link it here) and when rewatching the series it didn't actually bother me as much… at this point, there remains only two moment where i really wish theyd have been seen or at least mentioned - the first is when Child is causing chaos around the world and we’re told every outsider, along with everyone else, has been called upon to help and yet we only see tara and cassie of the actual outsiders there… would it really have been too much to ask for a few more to be scattered in the background of the different disasters? There’s plenty of them at this point. The other is within the bart plot… it straight up bugs me that there is never any mention of the outsiders - or even just cassie, as their leader - being informed about the facts gathered during dicks investigation, especially after zatanna specifically mentions that bart and conner are both outsiders… if they are outsiders, then the outsiders should be involved in finding them - that has always been the way in which the teams think when something happens to one of their own… except in s4 apparently! Obviously, the show only has a certain amount of time and budget to tell the story it wants and they wanted the focus to be on the ogs - that's fair enough - but it really needed something… even if it was just a quick mention from artemis, or someone, that there were indeed outsiders out looking for bart - something similar to how they revealed joans funeral in s3 - a few small comments that highlight there's still more going on outside of the events being shown on screen.

It’s great getting Bart content (we always need more of it!) but with the decisions he chose to make with the legion and this show being rather good at showing there’s consequences to actions - there really should have been some repercussions at least hinted at by the end of the season. I feel like the closest we get is Dinah saying Jay’s been struggling - but because we never get to see that struggle and it’s never directly linked to Bart - it isn’t enough to count as a repercussion.* I’d have even settled for something to have been said in the comics about it, like him being benched or being on some kind of probation or him just taking some time off - but that also hasn’t happened. At this point, I guess we’ll never know, which is a shame because like I said before, this show is usually very good at including consequences… y’know, unless your name is Bart Allen that is. I am so desperate to see Bart get called out on his keeping secrets, or to see him actually struggle with things - mainly because it’s a side we really haven’t experienced yet - even after everything he’s been through. I wanna see Bart out of his depths, stuck in a situation he can’t run from, or heal his way out of, or be a goofball through. I wanna see the other sides of him. We’ve had three seasons with him - it’s time to finally delve deeper.

*Until told otherwise, my headcanon is that Jay loses some of his trust in Bart and winds up putting him on curfew and becomes a bit more restrictive of what he allows until he feels he can trust him again.

And those are my thoughts - basically, let’s start seeing the outsiders dealing with consequences the same way the OG have being since s1. Thanks for your message Anon!

LB

[pitchshitterarchiver]

Black velvet interview with J.S Clayden from Pitchshifter.

PITCHSHIFTER

(JS Clayden Questionnaire - Taken From Black Velvet 20 - May 99)

By Shari Black Velvet

When JS Clayden sang ‘I must be some kind of genius’, he was not too far wrong. www.pitchshifter.com is an immaculate piece of artwork in one of its noisiest forms. It rips, cuts, tears, bleeps, bops, blares and generally twirls you around in circles leaving you dizzy and decidedly off-balance afterwards. JS Clayden, his brother Mark, plus Johnny Carter, D Walters and Jim Davies are one of the most inventive quintets in rock today. Let’s find out more... courtesy of an email questionnaire which JSC was kind enough to fill in.

J = Js clayden

BV = black velvet interviewer

Black Velvet : What has been the highlight of your career so far?

JS Clayden: Meeting Jello Biafra, selling out the Astoria, playing with Black Sabbath, playing Reading Festival to a full crowd, going to Troma Films offices, not having to get a real job for the last five years.

BV: If you were a contestant on Mastermind, which subject (excluding The Life & Times Of Pitchshifter), would you most like to answer questions on?

J: Punk rock/jazz/art.

BV: How was your UK tour back in February? Do any gigs stick out? Which and why?

J: The UK tour was amazing. We sold out about five venues which was a nice surprise. Our fans in the UK have been very patient while we have been touring the world in '98. It was great to get back home and play to a very appreciative crowd. The London gig was obviously awesome, as there were 2250 nutters up for a mad night out.

BV: Which has been your favourite tour to date and why?

J: Personally I loved the American tour with Gravity Kills, Junkie XL and Cold. It was summer, we had a great tour bus, the tour was 3 months long and we all got along really well. I met a lot of really cool people that I still correspond with over the net and it was just one of those Summers, ya know? Japan was also amazing, but I think America had it.

BV: What would be your dream gig? Where? When? Supported by whom?

J: My dream gig? Dead Kennedys, Big Black, Plug, The Walking Seeds, DJ Shadow, Sex Pistols, Jeff Mills, The Specials, Everclear, The Ruts, Shellac and Girls Against Boys.

BV: Are you looking forward to the 'Big Day Out'? How do you think it will be?

J: We are all looking forward to it. The Ozzfest at the same place was amazing and the Big Day Out will be just as cool I'm sure. I like the fact that crowds get so see different facets of harder edged music rather than just a day of ‘heavy metal’. We'll have to wait and see, I guess. Hopefully I can get in the crowd again and meet the folks down front.

BV: What do you think of Earache's re-issue of 'Infotainment?'?

J: I think for someone who doesn't already own the release it is a great package. And for those who already do, well you get the 3 mixes and all the videos for free if you have a computer. Although the band had nothing to do with the re-release it is quite tastefully done and it looks pretty good. The CD-Rom portion is comprehensible and easy to use.

BV: Fanzines - your thoughts on them...

J: They get to review stuff commercial mags are too afraid to, or can't sell. I like fanzines. Pitchshifter have always featured well in zines. Good luck to them all!

BV: Is there such a thing as a typical Pitchshifter fan?

J: I don't think so. Our public is very cross-genre. I would hope that one thing all our fans have in common is their willingness to be open-minded. We try and give our fans every opportunity to experience new things when we can. We take new bands on tour with us, we talk about what affects us on our website, we get interesting remixes done etc.

BV: You're admired as a band by all sorts. Who would you say is your most famous fan? How do you feel knowing that you might have fans who are also into bands ranging from Bon Jovi to 3 Colours Red to Napalm Death?

J: I was out with 3CR last night! They played Rock City and we had a party afterwards (ouch!) (S: I know, I was there). I am always flattered that people have even heard of the band. We never get any radio play or major press. It's through the small indie stations and fanzines and mags like Metal Hammer and Kerrang! and Terrorizer and our website that people know what we are up to. Our most famous fan? The aliens that left the crop circle in the shape of our eye logo!

BV: Since the Seagram merger/Universal Group takeover, have you found any major changes occurring that involve Pitchshifter? How do you think, as a band, this change will affect you?

J: I can't discuss that element of our deal right now. I can assure you that the new LP is on its way however.

BV: The tour diary on your web site is very interesting and enjoyable to read. When is the release of the book and will it be available worldwide?

J: When I collate it and find a publisher! I am actually in the process of writing a novel based on the first tour diary I did in 1994. It won't be finished for some time though. I am actually far more comfortable writing prose instead of music.

BV: Why did you start writing a tour diary in the first place? Do you keep a regular diary? When did you first start keeping a diary?

J: I have the worst memory. I started writing a tour diary to try and remember what the hell I've been doing for the last 5 years. It was just for me. I think being able to see what you think on paper on the screen also acts as a cathartic catalyst for what you think. You should try it.

BV: You've been touring pretty much constantly for ages. How do you keep things fresh and fun on the road?

J: Satanism, child slavery, sex before marriage, crack cocaine, AC/DC records and Sony playstations. No, seriously - we are having so much fun playing music that we just enjoy it every night. We just literally goof around with each other on stage. Watch us and you'll see us laughing as we stage dive. It's a great life style and it's a shame it can't last for ever. The plethora of laptops, digital cameras and samplers that travel with us keep us on our toes too.

BV: How would you like to see Pitchshifter in the 21st century?

J: Madder, balder, fatter, richer, more irreverent, more cynical.

BV: You once said "The music that spoke to us unemployed kids on sh**ty estates in the North of England was punk music... It was angry and we were angry...". Are you still angry now? What makes you angry?

J: Take a look outside your door... GM foods, police brutality, racism, us f**king the 3rd world over, bulls**t politics, right wing lunatics, pro-life extremists, restrictive religions... Want me to go on?

BV: Is there any subject you'd really like to write a song about that you haven't so far?

J: I think we should write a love song. Now that would be funny.

BV: You come up with all sorts of samples. Where do you get your ideas from for them? Have you thought of anything you'd already like to sample for the next album? Anything really weird?

J: We just go to the studio and sample what we like. I think there will be some more back tracking on this LP. We tried dog whistles but they are outside the audio range of a CD. I have sampled my answer phone messages, my flatmate talking drunk, a woman sleep talking and the sampler feeding back through my computer - I'm sure other stuff will ensue.

BV: If you could introduce three new conditions/regulations into today's society, what would you like to introduce?

J: 1 - Radio stations would be forced at gun point to play wide variety of music and the DJ is only allowed to talk if she/he is telling you the name of the record. 2 - Politicians are not allowed to own ANY businesses and any that are caught lying have to parade naked with a dunce hat around Trafalgar Square for 30 minutes while the populous get to throw rotting vegetable matter at them. 3 - Big business is never allowed to regulate itself, no more BSE scenarios please.

BV: Similarly, you like to get people to question what's going on and you hope to open their eyes by writing and/or talking about your beliefs. What do you currently think the masses should open their eyes to?

J: The continual stream of bulls**t in the news and the government line. The classics from Tony Bore: 1 - "We will not support actions that will endanger the lives of people in minority communities abroad". So what does he do? Grants MORE weapons licences to countries like Indonesia who we know for a fact will use to kill people in East Timore. 2 - "GM foods are safe". Yeah, just like BSE baby. We have no idea what the repercussions of altering food might be until 10 years down the line when they say "Oops, actually they kill you". Just like the pill, just like BSE.

BV: When you originally set up the band, and when you bring new members in (i.e. when Jim began working with the band), do things such as whether the guy is a vegetarian, into Greenpeace and all the other same political and social beliefs as you take up as much a role as whether he's a good musician?

J: They are not mandates but they are important. Jim is a veggie and he believes in a lot of things that we think are important anyway and so all is well. We don't care if people eat meat. It's up to the individual. We don't do it and it works for us and we will be happy to explain why to you. But if you don't want to know then we aren't going to shove it down your throat. It's about education not indoctrination.

BV: Describe the other members of the band.

J: Drinky, mumbly, randy, and happy (does that make me snow white?).

BV: Sum up Pitchshifter in ten words or less.

J: Degenerate low life, mal-adjusted freaks.

BV: Anything else you'd like to add?

J: Go to http://www.pitchshifter.com now and see what's up!

Yep, do as the man says.

[eavanyhuang]

Medical Authority

This morning I was listening to the episode “Trauma and Chronic Illness” in the Frontline Herbalism podcast while walking outside. Nicole interviews her friend Amani about her experiences of and thoughts about trauma and chronic illness. Hearing from people who talks about living with disability and how this experience shapes their observation of the world and its affective landscape is often very humbling, informative, and enlightening to me. Amani’s story really highlights the entanglement of ableism and fragility, as what she calls the toxic positivity in modern capitalist society poisons all potentially genuine and authentic connections. People’s obsession with quick fixes and discomfort when confronted with vulnerability and call for accountability are so consistent that she comments,

“……basically, I sort of refer to myself as like a walking discomfort trigger, and I, because people in our society. We live in such a like quick fix society, very, very, oh my god, ableist society. People just want you to be better. And it's sometimes out of care, but sometimes just like out of ignorance. Like people just want things to be okay, just want to move on, just want to fix things. ……a lot of people can't sit with the discomfort that's triggered in them when someone like myself shares my experience and story. And I think that that's due to our like, fast paced, like, ridiculously, like, the bullshit, like, toxic positivity, like, just everything.”

And with this she depicted a whole epistemic system with people in it working together to make sure that respect is not a thing in care practices. I really appreciate their conversation about medical authority and the blatant mistreatment, belittling, and dismissal of patients shown by medical professionals that continuously retraumatizes people. This was exactly what happened to Zhu Ling and her family. Here’s Amani’s own testimony,

“……nine times out of ten, I get really, really mistreated and it's traumatic as fuck, and I'll talk about that in a minute, but people, when you have acute illness, you're treated literally like you couldn't be treated more differently in hospital. And of course you get these stories of dismissal and neglect all the time, like with acute illnesses, but you don't get the head fuckery as much as when you go in with chronic illness, you know your body, you know what you need, you know what's going on, and they just cannot handle that. And I'm never an arsehole, well, I sometimes can be an arsehole arsehole, but like, you know, most of the time I'm actually very polite with it, like I, because I know how to work them, I have, you have to stroke their ego, the medical professionals, like, you have to stroke their ego, you have to be so polite, you have to. Oh, it's a complete art and I've got it down. But even though I've got it down, like it doesn't mean I'm going to be treated well and that they can cope with me knowing what I need and knowing what's going on and knowing what I don't need and all this stuff. And I think that their egos, like I'm talking generally, like obviously, like I said, not everybody, but nine times out of 10, like a doctor or nurse's ego, like can't cope because of the system they're working in and they trained in. They cannot cope with a patient knowing what they need because they take it personally. As though I'm saying they don't know what, what to do, and that's never what I'm saying, you know, it's like, oh, it's exhausting.”

[rayonfrozenwings]

Hey mutuals, followers and p0rn bots, 

Its my blogs 3rd birthday! 

I’ve been lurking, posting, ranting in the SJM fandom on tumblr for three years and that’s kinda Crazy to me. 

So here are some fun Facts that kinda evolve into an appreciation post… and then an anecdotal history of this fandom I’ve been a part of. So thanks for hanging round and talking shit with me. :D

if ur tagged it’s just like a thanks or when I met you - lol you don’t have to read the whole thing... 

and the rest is under the cut.... 

I only liked posts for the First month, I never reblogged. It was my first time on tumblr.

I’ve had the same URL since the start

The first post I reblogged and commented on was @miladyaelin ‘s post about a Volcano in the Frozen Wastes - such a wasted opportunity for World destruction that was not used to full potential at all in KoA hahaha - maybe a spin off series? joke.

The first person to reply to one of my asks was abookandacoffee or @bookofmirth 3 months after I joined tumblr and that’s kinda scary because that means we have been speaking longer than we realised. 

@propshophannah​ thanks for letting me go nuts about theory with you!

The Big blogs in the SJM fandom change, and it's cool that being in the fandom for so long means that I get to talk with all these people and make some real friends.

I made read friends from reading books and talking about them - How Cool Is That!

I had fun making shit posts about Dorian’s couch, Rowan’s relationship status after EoS and seeing my friends come up with some pretty clever memes too. 

The Art is amazing, and actually getting to talk to artists about their art is something I didn't think would happen ever. So I’m so grateful to tumblr for that.

I want to tag a lot of people but - having been here so long means that urls change and I lose touch - plus I think I would go over the “50 tag limit” easily. 

The first kiwi blog who I talked to was @verifiefangirl and we bonded over the Old El Paso advert of “why not both”. 

I want to thank those who encouraged me to write my theories, and I did that for the first year on here. 

I want to say thank you to the people who told me “You know, you can write your theories as fic and people don't get as angry.” Because you were right! And so that started my writing of fan fic, and thank you to those people who wanted to be tagged and let me know what was up - sorry I haven’t written in a while. 

Thank You to @faenet and my Faenet Fam. I joined to share theories, switched it up to write fic, and then evolved into Edits. I was able to learn how discord works and be a part of a team and learn new photo editing skills - I knew nothing before I joined and it's so cool to have become a part of that community.

Thanks to my BookClub brotp - It’s been the best getting to know you all over the last year, discuss books and life. And just have fun. I honestly wouldn't have connected with you guys if we just relied on tumblr because it often requires me to say something first, and i'm not good at that. @theyretheirthere​ sorry I had to tag you twinnie. :P 

Some Fandom History for those who have been here a while ... (well for as long as I have been in the fandom, I know there was a time before this).

Phase One - POST EOS Theory and Beach Scene Debate, Elorcan exists now even tho People still HATE Lorcan (not me but lots of people did). ACOMAF love, nickname of Tam the tampon takes off. 

Phase Two - PRE ACOWAR, Moreil Hype, Fandom super excited, Acomaf love, Rhysand love.

Phase Three - ACOWAR IS AWFUL - Dumpsters on Fire, lots of fandom people left. The ones who stayed had discourse about Moriel, Mor’s sexuality, Nessian, the ending and how it was rushed, Azriel is a smol cinnamon roll who deserved better - lots of Az fics and the birth of Elriel started here. 

Phase Four - TOG FANDOM ARE MAD because Chaol’s novella turned into a Novel. Cyber bullying of Chaol lovers in fandom led to a lot of blogs leaving - just be kind to one another, you can talk about stuff without personal attacks.   

Phase Five - WE ARE ALL GOING STIR CRAZY, Someone released a TOD mock cover and there was a lot of ableist stuff going on. Bad time in fandom. 

Phase six - TOD Came out - Lots of people refused to read, other people felt vindicated about theories, other people were shocked about Maeve. Praise and Hate towards the book and for how SJM handled race and disability. Was she being sensitive or appropriating? Mixed Reviews, again fandom got a little smaller. Acotar Fandom was taking off in terms of fics. 

Phase Seven - Acotar Fandom PRE ACOFAS Fan Fic Mania. Most of us re-read acotar, acomaf, acowar and Fix-it fics, Nessian Fics, Feysand Fics, Lots of Fics. Lots of Art. I noticed the ACOTAR fandom kinda took off while the TOG one floundered.

Phase Eight - A New Novella for ACOTAR, ACOFAS - lots of hype. Lots of mixed reviews - “it had no plot” or “I love it” or “I don't like how the first pov changed depending on the character” or “Yay christmas!!!” or “boo wall scene” or “yay Wall scene!!” Again - more fics and art came from it. Snowball fight was a highlight, art was gorgeous, Amren as a snowball was also good. Fandom was flourishing again, yes we lost some people but we also had a resurgence in creative content.

Weird non-phase - Catwoman: Soul Stealer, was released but wasn't a “must read” for many people.

Phase Nine - Pre KoA, Fandom was Hyped! We were all doing our re-reads, theories came out again, discussions about favourite quotes of things we had forgotten were shared. Again - Some good ToG fic came out because people had it fresh in their minds again  - we were preparing. Edits were great, lots of Edits, Lots of Art. 

Phase Ten - KoA Came out and destroyed us. Fandom was relatively quiet while people abandoned tumblr to read it. Anti’s came out in force, they had more to say about it that the fans did. Fans didn't see this immediately because they weren't on tumblr. About a month after release, We got Meta and discourse on KoA and what it means and what Aelin’s story has meant to us personally. Edits started taking off again. This Phase is still ongoing even a year later. Personally I am in Awe of that book and what it managed to achieve, I wanted to re-read it straight away but it still has so many parts that HURT to read. 

New people slowly trickle into fandom, or pick up the books, its sweet, but as a veteran sometimes seeing the same arguments gets tiring and so I dont comment as much as I used to. I’m still here reading, but I don't really want to write another essay like the ones I've previously written to defend a point so i’m quiet. 

Where I think it will go next? 

Most of the people who remain in the fandom are good at looking at things with a critical eye but saying “I can still enjoy a book”, which I like. 

We will get hyped as a fandom for Crescent City which was pushed back to March 2020, even if we are unsure it’s what we want, I don't think we can help ourselves. 

ACOTAR 4 is in the works with no confirmed release date, just vague mention that it was being pushed back - twas supposed to be 2020 but I'm doubtful, especially if other titles are pushed back first like CC:HOEAB - it was by three months from Jan to March. 

WOTOG was also pushed back, first from release with EoS, then from release with ToD and now from release with KoA (those are all goodreads dates as I was waiting for it and keeping an eye out, but we also had novels added and other books like acofas - goodreads also isn't the best at staying on top of release dates)…. we have had mention of it that it will include art and is co-authored by Lynette Noni, so It is still being made at least - I mean I don't have to cry about it being cancelled just yet. And So I have to stay around for those. I became invested in the World building of TOG to not wait for WOTOG. 

So yeah, it’s been a wild 3 years. <3

[aye-write]

A Quick Guide to Varying Sentence Starters

One of the things that really winds me up about my own writing is looking back and seeing a multitude of sentences beginning with “I” or “And” or “But”. I’m a messy first-drafter as it is and I do a lot of line edits, but it’s still takes up a significant portion of my time going back to change things. 

So, I’m here today to share with you the ways I try to vary my sentence starters and some tips and tricks for drafting and edits” 

-.-.-.-

We all know why it’s important to vary your sentence structure, and by extent, your sentence starters. Besides obvious intentional things such as creating tension, or specific mood/tone/atmosphere, we should be aiming to vary how we start sentences to keep the reader engaged and not it being repetitive.

This is especially important if you, like me, write in first person and begin a lot of sentences with things like “I was” or “I am” etc. Or if you have a habit of beginning sentences with characters’ names. But what other options do we have? Here are five general categories that I like to use:

ING WORDS Coughing, she pushed her way through the blaze.  Smiling, he leaned in for a kiss. 

SIMILIES (and other techniques) Like the chattering of a typewriter, their eyes flittered over the group in front.  Sweeping in like a dove, she cut through the awkward conversation.

PREPOSITION (beside, near, with, across, around, out, at, in, etc.)  On the starter’s whistle, I pushed forward.  Under the heavy fog, the streetlamp glowed valiantly 

CONNECTIVE (Because, but, and, despite, after, before, etc.) After he left, I slipped the dagger back into its brace.  But I wasn’t about to give in now.  ED WORDS Distracted, she let the ice cream fall from her hands.  Stunned by his words, they stopped in their tracks. 

.-.-.-.

Obviously you can make these examples much more complex and attuned to your own styles! There are lots of other ways you can vary your sentence openers, these are just what I personally use - so hopefully you can get some use of them! 

.-.-.-.

Hints and Tips!

Use the highlighting treatment! Go through your WIP and focus on your sentence openers. Select a different colour for each category (Blue for She/He/They/I starters, red for ED Words, yellow for ING words, as an example) and use it to help you see where you may need to add some more variation! 

This also is a great exercise to do with a published book you really enjoy or by an author you admire - it’s a great learning experience!

Use a good mix of short, long, and medium sentences! If you find that your writing feels a bit samey or dry, even with varied openers, try changing the structure of the whole sentence itself! 

Experiment and play around with word order and structure - free write for a few minutes every day and try something new! It’s all practice and even if it never sees the light of day in your WIP, it’s still a worthwhile thing to do! 

.-.-.-.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this guide and/or found it useful!

If you’d like to request a particular guide, please pop into my inbox and leave a request!

[bruhstories]

Sticky, Saccharine & Sinful

Summary: Professor Jaeger asks his assistant to come over and grade some papers. Pairing: Zeke Jaeger x Fem!Reader (modern AU) Warnings & Content: language, protected sex, fingering, oral sex (female & male receiving), spanking, daddy kink, bossy Zeke, bratty Reader, tying up, bit of an age gap but no underage shit (we don’t do that here) Word Count: 2.5 k

A/N: Huehuehue guess who finally wrote a daddy kink smut? Also I have looped Cherry Cola by Kuwada the entire time i wrote, proofread and formatted this bitch, I think it works with the atmosphere

"Y/N, I'm gonna need you to help me grade some papers later today." Professor Jaeger pushed his glasses with his index finger as he looked up from his book.

"You got it, boss!" You nodded as you entered the staff lounge room at Stohess Uni, two cups in your hands.

"How many times do I have to tell you to call me Zeke?" The man sighed. “Or at least call me professor.”

"But I'm your assistant, you're my superior, that makes you my boss, boss." Sarcasm dripping down your tongue as you placed his coffee down the table. "All black, two cubes of sugar."

"Thank you. And yes, technically I am your boss, but you're, what, six years younger than me?"

"Seven and a half." You pouted.

You've been working at Stohess University for a little over a year now as Zeke Jaeger's assistant. He was the best philosophy teacher, as well as head of the department, and you nailed your internship interview, aspiring to be like him one day. He even taught you Ethics during your masters, and currently you were doing your PhD research under his coordination. The man was a genius in his field, and you didn't dare disappoint him, but your personalities always clashed. He was calm and collected, you were bubbly and all over the place. He was nice and polite, you were sarcastic and rude. Zeke knew you'd make a horrible teacher for children, but undergraduate students would adore you.

"How can you drink hot coffee in this heat wave?" You asked him as you fanned someone's epistemology essay to cool yourself off.

"It's actually been proven that warm drinks hydrate better than cold ones during summertime." He inhaled the scent of freshly brewed coffee before taking the essay out of your hand.

"Whatever you say, boss." You shrugged and gulped on your iced tea, a few glistening amber drops dripping from the corners of your mouth, down your chin and your neck. "Ah, shit." You wiped the tea with the back of your hand, not catching Zeke watching you curiously. "Why did the AC have to break down today of all days?"

"Dunno." He shrugged and immersed himself back into his book. "Oh, I hope you don't mind coming to my place to grade the papers? I don't think you'll be able to focus in this heat. Besides, I want to take a look at your latest PhD chapter." Jaeger told you absentmindedly, eyes glued to the pages in front of him.

"Sure thing–"

"Don't say it."

"Boss."

"Jesus Christ..."

You adored pissing your ex-professor off, but deep down, Zeke couldn't deny the fact that he loved the authority he had over you. You were a very alluring woman, after all, and any sane man would kill to be as close to you as he was, let alone boss you around like he did. And he had the strong feeling you acted like a brat around him on purpose. You took your leave after downing the rest of your beverage, going to the library to borrow some books for your own research.

•°☆°•☆•°☆°•

You rang the intercom and waited for Zeke to let you inside the building, dragging your feet down the hallway, tired from carrying so much shit with you – laptop, books, essays, papers, pens and highlighters – you were a walking, talking stationery shop and one could only wonder how someone with such a petite frame was so strong. Zeke waited in the doorway and took some of your things, relieving the weight as you sighed.

"Coffee?" He guided you to his kitchen.

"Water, please." You plopped on a chair and unbuttoned the first three heart-shaped buttons of your lilac shirt, tiny beads of sweat bundled up at your collarbone.

"You sure? I'll be keeping you up all night." Jaeger laughed. He was obviously talking about the papers, but to you, the sentence had a different innuendo — not that you minded, you had your fair share of sinful fantasies with the older man. Come to think of it, you were wondering why he was single. Zeke was undoubtedly an attractive man, he could have any woman he wanted. Yet you’ve never seen him on a date, never seen a picture of a woman when you accidentally glanced at his phone, never heard him talk about a significant other.

"Hey, mind if I smoke?" You asked, noticing the ashtray on his table.

"Not at all, I'll join you." He sat opposite you, mug of coffee in his hand. You pulled out a pack of pink cigarettes from your backpack and placed one between your lips, pocketing your jeans for a lighter. His hand extended over the table, lighter in his hand, and you slightly bent your head forward, eyes glued to his. You inhaled the smoke, not breaking eye contact, and exhaled with a sigh. Something about Zeke lighting up your cigarette made your little cunt tingle.

"Thanks, boss." The corners of your lips turned into a barely visible smirk. You really, really liked to tick him off.

"Don't mention it." He told you before lighting his own cigarette. What, no comeback? No objection? "How's your paper going?"

"It's... going." You shrugged.

"You haven't written anything in your last chapter, have you?"

"No, I have," you half-whined, "it's just that I can't find my words. I think I encountered writer's block."

"'S alright, we'll figure something out." Zeke pulled a stack of papers from his briefcase and dropped it on the table.

"Wow, no shit you need help, that's a lot of papers." You twirled the cigarette between your fingers before taking one final puff and crushing it in the glass ashtray.

"Told you." He picked his resting cigarette back from the ashtray. "You can do the first years."

"I'd rather do something else." You whispered to yourself, eyes almost rolling at the back of your head.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, boss. First years, got it." Your manicured fingers pulled the stack of papers closer to you. The exams were already annotated according to subject and year and you took everything you needed before shoving them back to Zeke.

•°☆°•☆•°☆°•

You were bored out of your mind, fiddling with the red pen in your hand and tapping your fingers on the table with no particular rhythm. It was already dark outside and you barely finished a quarter of your stack while Zeke was halfway through his.

"Could you please stop that?" He asked you without even bothering to look at you.

"Why?"

"It's annoying."

With a groan you rolled your eyes and stopped tapping your fingers, instead opting to fidget your leg, bouncing it up and down under the table. The wooden furniture shook at the movement and Zeke sighed, putting the pen down.

"I understand you're bored, but if you want to be a professor, this is part of the job description."

"I know, I know, but, like, can we take a break? Please? We've been at it for two and a half hours now and I'm just so bored." You looked at him with puppy eyes and a pout on your plump lips.

"Ugh, fine. What do you want to do?"

"I dunno. Got any board games?"

"Only a pack of playing cards." Zeke shrugged.

"Perfect! Literally anything is better than this. I mean look at what this kid wrote: the ship of Theseus ARE a thought experiment. Can you believe it? How can a nineteen-year-old not know proper grammar?"

"Careful, Y/N," he chuckled, "you made a pretty embarrassing error during your masters, too."

"Nooo, don't bring that up!" You got up and walked to the freezer, scanning the contents.

"Why not? It's funny."

"Yeah, for you." You rolled your eyes. "But I still proved my worth." You triumphantly told him, tongue playfully poking out of your mouth from behind the freezer door. Ugh, you were so cute, made to be ravaged. Your eyes settled on the single raspberry popsicle and you picked it up, closing back the door. "Can I have this?" Oh, he knew exactly what you were doing.

"Of course."

With Zeke's approval, you unwrapped the plastic, revealing the rose-tinted dessert, swirling your tongue around its tip. You were a sight for sore eyes, (not so) innocently licking at the popsicle, your gaze on him and his growing bulge. He didn't even bother hiding it, instead relaxing in the chair and drinking you in. It was no mistake that Zeke invited you over, and you weren't stupid enough to believe it was a mistake.

"Do you... want some?" You trailed off as the once cold dessert began melting from your hot lips.

"If you'd be so kind." He patted his lap and you accepted the invitation. His bulge was comfortably uncomfortable against your ass, and you put the popsicle onto his lips, one arm draped around his shoulder. Zeke's tongue moved languidly around the sweet snack and you leaned in, your own tongue licking both the dessert and his lips. It was sticky and saccharine and sinful, and your poor pussy couldn't take it anymore.

"Do you wanna fuck me, daddy?" You naively asked him. He wasn't surprised in the slightest by the name, already suspecting you had daddy issues, in fact counting on it.

"I very much do." His hands were already roaming your body. The popsicle was almost gone, and you deepthroated the last bit, taking the little stick out of your mouth with a pop. Finally, he crushed his lips onto yours and you could tell he had experience. You dropped the stick on the tiled floor, twisting your body to better straddle him. Zeke unbuttoned your shirt as you slowly began grinding your hips against his bulge, earning a groan from him. "Ugh, you bad girl." He threw his head back as you loosened the tie around his neck.

"Are you going to punish me?" You slowly, too slowly unbuttoned his shirt.

"What’s the point of a punishment if you’re going to enjoy it?" He mused, unclasping your bra. You had goosebumps all over your skin and Zeke took one of your nipples in his hot mouth, a hand pinching your other one. You whimpered at the slight stinging sensation

"Does it m-matter if I enjoy it?" His touch became rougher, almost animalistic.

"Of course," he stopped sucking your swollen, oversensitive nipple, "otherwise you won't learn your lesson." You got up and turned around, your back against him, taking your jeans and underwear off, bending down and exposing your cunt to him. "You're going to be the death of me, Y/N." Zeke shook his head, removing his own trousers.

"Allow me." You tucked your fingers behind the waistband of his boxers, pulling them down as you kneeled in front of him. His throbbing cock tapped your face after finally being unleashed from its textile cage.

"I suspected you were big, but this? This is too good." You sneered at his member, mesmerised by its size.

"Just shut up and suck it." Zeke pretty much commanded you and you wet your lips, pressing your tongue against the velvety tip. You worked your way around his shaft, enjoying this more than you should've. You pulled back, a string of saliva and precum attached to your lips as you looked up at him.

"Am I doing good, daddy?"

"So good." He grabbed a fistful of your hair and pushed your head back. You eagerly sucked and slurped until he got bored of your mouth around his cock. Zeke pulled you up, spun you around and bent you over the table. He brought your wrists together and tied them up behind your back with his tie before taking a step back and admiring the view. Ass up, face down, just like he loved it. His foot pushed yours to the side, spreading your legs for him before he gave you a good slap over your ass cheeks. You shot up with a moan but his hand forced you back down against the table.

"I think I know exactly how to punish you." Zeke announced, two fingers spreading your folds as his tongue dove inside of you, lapping at your wet cunt.

"Oh, God!" You groaned in pleasure. No man has ever eaten you out like he did. Most guys did it as a chore. Zeke? He was enjoying every single bit of it, passionately fingering you, his tongue moving in ways you didn't think were possible. "Ah, fuck– so good! Daddy, please! I'm coming!"

The way he venomously laughed told you that no, you were not going to come any time soon. Just as you were about to let loose, Zeke stopped, removing his fingers, another slap on your ass. Tears pooled at your Y/E/C eyes, frustration written all over your face. "No, no, no!"

"I told you, Y/N, you're a bad, bad girl." He bent over and whispered in your ear, his cock pressing against your entrance, his hand in your hair.

"Oh, pleaseee, I need to come! Will you let me come?"

"Hm, it depends." Jaeger straightened his back, hands resting on your hips. "Did you learn your lesson?"

"Yes, yes, daddy, I did! I promise I'll be good!" You tried to turn around to look at him, oblivious to what he was doing behind your back, cheeks crimson, droplets of sweat on your forehead.

"Convincing enough." He shrugged and you heard the condom snap against his cock.  Unexpectedly and without any warning, the man thrusted into your wet cunt and you, again, shot up, but he pinned you back. "Stay fucking put, you little whore." Zeke demanded and you tried, you really tried, but your body had a mind of its own. "I see you refuse to learn."

"No, no, please!" You slammed your face onto the table, squishing your cheek in the process, desperate and helpless.

"That's better." He concluded, sarcasm dripping down his tongue as he rammed his cock deeper into you. The silken walls clenched around his hard member, and he grunted, no other woman pleasing him like your tight pussy did. "You like it when I take you from behind, you filthy slut?"

"Yes– oh my God, YES!" You bucked your hips against his for more pressure and pain.

"What would my students think if they saw you getting fucked like this on their papers?"

"Ah– I don't c-care!"

"What would the headmaster say if she knew you fuck your superior and- ugh- coordinator?" Jaeger thrusted harder and faster.

"Please, Zeke-"

His hand found its way to your neck, tightly squeezing it.

"Wrong name, Y/N."

"Shit, daddy!"

"That's right, I'm your fucking daddy and hell will freeze before someone else fucking touches you!"

"Fuc-k, fuuuck!" You both howled and panted as you climaxed, your entire bodies quivering. Zeke pulled out of you, carefully removing the rubber from his cock and giving you another slap on your perky ass cheeks. You stood up, arms still tied around your back, turned on your heels and pecked him on his cheek, giggling like a schoolgirl, marvelled by the fact that he chose you over anyone else.

"You know what, Y/N? Now that I've found you, I'm never going to let you go." He promised.

"I'm all yours, boss."

[elminx]

A few notes on surviving tough Chiron times with an personal example

Since Chiron stationed retrograde yesterday, I want to talk some about the ways that its retrograde effect can show up in our lives. I'm going to use an easy and relatable experience from my own life this week as an example - remember that Chiron may show up in a similar or completely different way, depending on your own trauma.

Yesterday afternoon, my eleven-year-old cat went into the kitchen and proceeded to make the most horrible pained yowls while sitting underneath our kitchen table. She's a mouthy cat so her making noise is not unusual - but this is a very unusual noise. I thought that she was dying, or, at the least, that we were about to take a trip to the emergency vet. I called my partner, they came home, and she got up and acted excited to see him. Fucking cats.

(Sidenote: she does have a regular vet visit scheduled now as she was obviously exhibiting signs of being in pain - but she pooped the smelliest shit afterward and coughed up an eight-inch hairball in the middle of the night so I'm guessing she was in pain from that, better to be sure though)

The thing is, on December 2, 2010, my seemingly healthy five-year-old cat died at my feet. In minutes. There was no saving him. The vet said that he either had a heart attack or a brain aneurysm. In 2010, I was not the Minx that I am now. I had been repressing all of my emotions since I was a child (when I was taught to by my other who didn't want to handle having an emotional daughter). The cracks were starting to appear but I was still using disassociation as a primary means of coping with life.

Additionally, I worked as the Front End Supervisor for a major retailer and it was the middle of the Christmas season. That job wouldn't have given me time off to mourn a family member during the busy season, let alone a day or two to deal with the loss of a pet. I would have just been out of a job that my partner and I needed to pay our bills and keep ourselves afloat.

So I kept on going and I worked all the way through it - and I probably prided myself for not breaking down and being inconsolable about a very significant tragedy (he was a very special pet to me).

I'm very happy that my baby appears to be okay. We'll bring her in for a checkup (and she probably needs some teeth pulled, le sigh) but I think, given the circumstances, she is mostly fine now. But I've gained a lot of awareness in the last twelve years and once the immediate fear and reaction started to fade my immediate thought was: Minx, why did you think that you cat was going to die?

Sure, she was obviously in pain. And watching your pet in pain is really, really difficult because there's nothing that you can do about it. But she was alert and did not in any fashion act like my cat did when he was dying. That's when I realized how much pain I was still holding onto from that event.

That is what Chiron does - it highlights those old wounds that haven't been tended well enough to close over and heal. We all have them for one reason or another. Some of them which may never heal, no matter how much work we do.

Even so, Chiron teaches us that it pays to be aware of these forever (or very hard to heal) wounds. This is the basics of Chironic shadow work - not to endless return to things that will retraumatize us, but to know our own wounds well enough to know when something is triggering those wounds. To be able to separate the "then" from the "now". When you realize that what you're feeling is a reaction to something that happened in the past, you can put it down, and you can separate it from what is happening in the now.

I deeply understand that this is not easy work but if you have a strong Chiron aspect in your natal chart or you are going through a major Chiron transit, it is work that will likely be forced upon you, whether you are ready for it or not.

If this is you right now, here are some tips to help you through it:

Give yourself the space to feel your emotions and/or grieve. You can do this by yourself or with a trustest Other - whatever feels most right for you. If you need to, do this under the care of a professional therapist.

Remember that you are not your emotions. Emotions are feelings inside your body that are happening to you. You can just let them go and tell them to move the fuck on. Phrases like "I feel sad" help because you are acknowledging that your emotions are happening to you rather than over-identification of your emotions ("I AM sad").

The sign of your natal Chiron may give you some insight into how to disperse the energy/emotions that come up during a transit. Earthy Chiron natives tend to need to ground out their emotions, while watery types may need to use water to work through it, and so forth.

Use your best self-care techniques. For me, this includes nervine teas, rose quartz, and healthy whole foods. What does that mean to you?

Hydrate. Crying is dehydrating. Plus, water moves things through us - quite literally. This is especially important for people born with Chiron in a water sign.

Write it down to get it out of your head. You don't need to keep it or show it to anybody. Don't fuzz the details - write down the truth and the whole truth as you are seeing it/feeling it right now. Don't hold back. You can burn it afterward if you want to.

Chiron stations retrograde for a couple of months every year or so, so this transit is business as usual. That said, because of where it's sitting and its connection to other points in the natal chart that are very active now, we are all feeling it quite strongly this week. Its most affecting cardinal signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra, and Capricorn) and fire signs (Leo, Sag) between 10-25 degrees for any personal planet. If that's you, know you are going through a Chiron transit currently and that the universe is encouraging you to level up your emotional processing skills.

You can always look at the type of aspect that it's making, and to what planet, for greater insight into how this journey is likely to play out in your own life right now. (I do this as part of my Transit Chart readings - available through my Ko-Fi site)

For the rest of us, the Chironic energy will wane as we move away from the date of its retrograde (7/19).

[valdemart]

Valdebreed Part 2

Us: *votes for courtier content*

Nyx Hydra: Yeah we’re not gonna actually do that lol

I tried to keep Valdemar as in character as possible but honestly? Fuck cannon. If Nyx Hydra isn’t going to feed us, I am! Come get y’all lunch!

NSFW ValdemarxReader Consentacles, way too much cum, dirty talking Valdemar, breeding kink, ruined furniture, pet names, after care probably a rushed intro but fuck it.

After pulling yourself together and freshening up in a very well-earned bath, you made your way back to your room where Valdemar waited.

The fire place had been lit. It was also the only light in the room. If it hadn’t been your own room, you might have bumped into something as you made your way over to where you could see Valdemar.

When you first moved in, there had been a chair in the library that you had fallen in love with. It was an oversized arm chair, big enough to curl up in, made of burgundy velvet. You sank into it like a spoiled house cat and read for hours at a time. Valdemar had found you napping in it at some point and shortly after you had found it had been moved to your room. That’s where they sat now. Naked.

 Valdemar never disrobed. Ever. Honestly, you had wondered a few times if their clothing wasn’t part of their actual body. This wasn’t their ‘real’ form, after all. You wouldn’t have been totally shocked to learn that their coat was just their true form’s arm or something, molded to look like clothing. Apparently, you were wrong. All of their skin was the same olive hue as their face and hands, the only other skin of theirs you had really seen before. They were a rectangular shape, their waist only dipping in slightly beneath their ribcage before fulling out to their hips. Their ribs were almost all entirely visible, the shadows cast by the firelight highlighting each groove and protuberance. And sitting on those ribs were the tiniest handfuls of breast tissue, with such perfectly symmetrical shape and nipples that they very obviously weren’t ‘human’. You’d only ever known breasts to be perfect mirror images of each other on statues. You could follow their legs up to their lap, but then all you could make out was shadow.

They were breathtakingly and horrifyingly beautiful.

“I think I’m…overdressed,” you said, your voice so thick with anticipation that you had to pause to swallow before you could finish your sentence.

“For now. I thought this particular situation called for some vulnerability on my part. Disrobe, Little Mouse.”

You slid off your robe and let it pool at your feet, leaving you as bare as they were.

“Come to me.”

You were before them in an instant, desperate to be near them. On them. Filled with them.

“Sit.”

You straddled their lap slowly, knowing the extent of their strength, but still slightly put off by the sight of their ribs. Parts of your brain seemed to have mistaken them for human.

You shivered as your chest pressed against theirs and your nipples hardened against their cool skin. You noticed quietly that theirs were still unerect and soft against you. Their hands wrapped around you gently, their fingers somehow sliding perfectly into the spaces between your ribs where they connected to your spine. If they squeezed, they could probably collapse your whole chest cavity. You had seen them crush a femur in their fist like it had been made out of sugar.

“We’re you ready to begin the experiment, Mouseling?”

“Kiss me first?”

Their lips were cold and thin and they felt so good against your heated skin.

There was loud crackling noise, too loud to have been from the fireplace, followed by a grotesque, wet sound. It sounded like someone was butchering a chicken right in front of you and you would have fallen back to the floor in surprise if Valdemar hadn’t been holding you.

You only saw it for a second but, in the firelight, you saw a cleft on Valdemar’s sternum that started to split open further like the skin was being retracted. You yelped and Valdemar reached out to grab your chin and hold your head upright.

“Look at me, Mouseling. Look only at me.”

They released your chin but your eyes never left theirs. You watched the flames behind you flicker in their red eyes as something unimaginably horrible was happening right below you. The sound traveled downward until it stopped where their genitals would be. Then it was quiet again. You could feel the dark energy emanating from just a few inches below you, but your eyes never left Valdemar’s and you weren’t sure if it was from fear or servility.

“Such an obedient little thing,” Valdemar praised as they brushed your hair off your face. You were sweating despite the chill of their skin and your head was swimming. Their magic tended to do that to you. Asra’s magic and your own magic never made you sick, but Valdemar’s always did. You weren’t sure if it was because it came from a different source or because it was too strong for you. Asra said it was a much older, much darker magic, and that even he wasn’t completely sure he understood it. That had upset you at first, and you tried to argue with him that Valdemar wasn’t evil and you were sick of everyone’s constant comments about it, but he merely placed a finger to your lips to silence you and said ‘I said dark energy, not evil energy’. To Asra’s credit, he handled your relationship with the doctor better than most people had.

But what would he think about a baby?

“Allow me to show you just how satisfying that which you fear is.”

Several appendages the width of a finger started to caress your body, making you jerk away against them, but Valdemar held you steady and your eyes never left theirs. They stared at you, unblinking and smiling softly, as their little tendrils fondled your stomach and legs. They were wet and soft like small tongues, and they left trails of moisture wherever they lapped. While they were a little unnerving, the sensation was like nothing you had felt before. Especially when they found your breasts. They flicked against your nipples flatly before wrapping around them to tug lightly. Your clit pulsed desperately with each little caress and your wet hole clenched around nothing, leaving you feeling desperately empty.

You groaned softly and bucked forward, trying to guide even one of those tendrils to where you now needed it most.

“Impatient?” Valdemar asked, knowing damned well the answer to their own question. “We have the rest of eternity.”  

Still, the tendrils descended then. Some softly pulled your lips apart, exposing you, while others tasted you. Two alternated flicks against your clitoris while three or maybe four slid into you at varying depths.

You keened and bucked into Valdemar’s lap, but you knew nothing you could do would change anything they had planned for you.

“Let’s get you nice and prepared to take my seed.”

It didn’t take long for the appendages to lubricate you, perhaps excessively so. Your body was wet now, and it caused you to shiver against the air.

The tendrils working your body withdrew, and you whined pitifully.

“Hush, Pet,” Valdemar said softly, though clearly unannoyed.

There was a singular tendril then, thicker than any of the last ones. A blunt head prodded you gently for a moment before sliding fully inside. Its girth stretched you, but whatever Valdemar had covered you in took away all resistance.

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head and, for a moment, you were worried they wouldn’t come back. This was so much more than anything Valdemar had ever given you. You doubted Valdemar had an established phallus, especially since they shapeshifted every other part of their physical form. This huge thing inside of you was made specifically because they wanted you helplessly full, pinned from the inside.

“I c-cant…Val…”

You weren’t asking for them to stop. No, this was delicious. You need this. But it was so, so much.

“You can. And you will.”

The phallus withdrew slowly to the tip before sliding back in just as slowly, all while Valdemar didn’t move a muscle. It was so typical of the demon, to wreck you without any indication of physical response on their end. They were going to fuck you and anyone watching would think they had nothing to do with it.

Valdmar’s…cock? For lack of a better comparison in your mind fucked you in the uniform way Valdemar did anything. While it lacked human variation, it was unrelenting in its endeavor to impregnant you.

“I can feel your little cunt milking me. Your body’s as desperate to get pregnant as you are.”

Your head dropped with a heavy moan and Valdemar shifted back, taking your full weight against them. If this dicking didn’t kill you, them talking like that certainly would. The heat inside of you was becoming unbearable. All you needed was a little bit more.

“Can you go faster?” You asked softly as you jerked your hips forward into their thrusting.

“Weren’t you just saying you couldn’t handle things as they were?”

You whined pitifully at their teasing.

“Please? Please? Please?”

With each beg you humped yourself harder. You could feel your climax mounting and all you wanted was to finish with Valdemar this deep inside of you. You weren’t above begging.

“Of course, Duckling. We need your orgasm to move my ejaculate to your womb.”

Their weird medical speak should have been embarrassing, but your walls fluttered around them.

One of their hands found the back of your head while the other wrapped around your waist. When Valdemar pushed back into you, it was a sharp, hard thrust and you cried out before you fell forward. You moaned loudly into the fabric of the chair and Valdemar held you against it.

“I have you.”

The tentacle started to piston in and out of you, the speed of the penetration through both of your fluids making the most unholy of sounds, like someone drowning in mud. Your body jiggled and shuddered against Valdemar as they remained perfectly still while they kept you caged to them.

“Val! Val-d-de-mah! Ah! Ah! Ah!”

It was right there. You could feel yourself about to snap. Just a little more. Oh, please just a little more. Oh please oh please oh please oh please

A few of the small tendrils from earlier reappeared to lap at your clit and you screamed into the chair. As you contracted around the still thrusting phallus, you could feel it erupt. The fluid coming out of it wasn’t hot or cold, but there was a ridiculous amount of it. It squirted inside of you before you felt it leak out around the two of you, quickly causing a puddle to form in Valdemar’s lap. Despite this, they were still moving in and out of you, fucking their cum back inside of you as it came out.

Too spent to try and wiggle away from the overstimulation, you whimpered for mercy.

“ ‘S too much. Val…”.

“I’m only trying to make sure you’re completely inseminated. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

Despite their teasing, their tendril retracted out of you. You shuddered, both thankful for the break and grieving the loss of fullness.  

“Val…That was crazy…”

“Science often is.”

It wasn’t hard for Valdemar to maneuver you onto your back in their lap, despite you being completely dead weight. Hooking one arm under your knees, they elevated your lower body and cradled you.

“You’re being too wasteful with my sperm, Little One. You need to be more grateful.”

Finally able to look at yourself, you saw that you were bathed almost completely in black. It started around your breasts where the tendrils had played with you and you grew darker the further down yourself you looked. Of course, Valdemar came black. You doubted anything viable in terms of offspring would actually come of this, but the closeness, the intimacy, that was what you had really needed. The brain melting orgasm hadn’t hurt either.

“I love you.”

Valdemar hummed in acknowledgement before softly running a finger down your stomach, through the gummy pitch they had covered you in, before tracing small circles around your womb.

Every time the fire flickered, the lighting on their face changed, making them look like they were morphing briefly. You couldn’t help but smile.

“We’re going to have such cute kids.”

[evakuality]

Matteo - episode five

Social media - so I can’t let this episode go by without talking about one of my absolute favourite social media posts from this show ever.  Obviously that’s the ‘breathing under water’ one David posted after their little sojourn in the pool.  I just really love both how clever it is for David to do it this way and also how it ties into their in-joke thing.  If we ignore the fact that we viewers knew exactly what it all meant, in-world Matteo is the only one who would understand the significance.  It means something to David, shows how much he’s bursting over this whole thing and gives us a really good indication of his own feelings around the situation.  He needs to get it out, to share this experience, to acknowledge what's happened.  But to everyone else it’s just another example of his artsy, slightly angsty style.  I can see his friends dismissing it as just another pretentious arty post from David, without understanding just how ‘real’ the breathing under water is for him.  I also love how this is a way he and Matteo continue to communicate when they’re apart in some way - Matteo’s sandwich maker post later on reflects a similar approach - reason # 50,000,000 proving they’re so clearly equals and on the same page.

Clip one - This one is so bittersweet in so many ways.  It’s the last time (for a long time) when they can just be together, with no outside anything intruding.  Which I guess is something of a foreshadowing when Sara and Leonie contact them both.  It’s precarious, this thing they’re building and while they may be able to shut out the world for a while, it will always find its way in.  I also love the way this clip is such a great homage to the original, with some very obvious visual cues going back to that clip.  But there’s so much that has been shifted and changed to reflect the differences in these characters and their situations.  It’s just so beautifully done.  Matteo is so content in this one, in a way that he hasn’t often been in his season so far.  And we also learn a lot about David in a way we haven’t been able to before.  I’m still most fascinated by the way he sees ‘alone’ as ‘without family’ because Matteo doesn’t live alone, and yet David doesn’t see it that way.  It’s really sad that we can then infer that something has happened to or with his parents to mean they don’t live in the same place as Laura and David.  To someone who obviously values family in the way that he does, this is just really sad when coupled with the conversation back in episode one when he discusses how they’re not in his life anymore.  And we hear the way Matteo talks about his family and what happened with them - and this is a really interesting variation on the montage we’ve seen Druck do so effectively before.  In other montages, they show the pictures while a song plays and for the most part the two are in sync.  Whereas here, we see a very playful and fun time between them while there’s a voice over of the issues being dealt with.  It’s a fairly strong dichotomy between the two and really highlights a lot about who these two are together - they can indulge in the deeper conversations but they can also relax and have a lot of fun.  Another thing I love about this clip is how much touch already clearly means to them - they’re both so calm and happy when they’re touching each other, whether it be cuddling or running fingers along skin etc, they’re just alomost constantly in contact now that they know they can.

Clip two - David’s little picture is so sweet - both because he left something for Matteo, and because it shows that while David isn’t ready to take Matteo with him if/when he runs and hides, he is already thinking of needing to have some sort of memory of him/them.  I love so much the way this show seeds the character stuff throughout - by the time David does actually run and hide, leaving Matteo behind, we have been readied for it.  It’s entirely consistent with everything we know of his character.  Also, this clip is again really sad that to those outside of him, a happy Matteo is so unusual that it merits this sort of wonder and bemusement from his friends and roommates.  But also I guess this change in his mood is difficult for them to figure out simply because Sara is a thing and between her social media which makes it look like a happy relationship and Matteo’s deliberately using it for cover, they aren’t likely to be able to figure out why he’s so happy.  But the fact remains that for this to be so momentous, Matteo really just isn’t a happy person.  And then when we think back to the chat with David and his hope to be taken with him, and to fit in somewhere it’s even more heartbreaking.

Clip three - and now we start the real slide for Matteo.  He has to start facing up to the things he’s doing to others.  In this clip he hides from both Sara and Jonas - Sara literally and Jonas metaphorically.  Poor Sara is still so wound up in her fantasy that she genuinely keeps trying to make excuses for Matteo - she’s still putting words in his mouth and thoughts in his head, in this case even when he’s not there.  She wants so desperately for this to be a real relationship that she increasingly desperately tries to convince herself (and Leonie, who tbh doesn’t really buy it) that everything that’s happening can be explained and that Matteo is still a real boyfriend in the way that she wants.  Of course, this is really sad for her when he chooses to break up with her.  I mean, it’s good that he did it and made a clean break but the way he did it was shitty and of course he’d led her on for so long.  Plus she has consistently used her words to tell him what she wants and in return, his reward for that was a) to use it to reflect back at her what she wanted without genuinely wanting it as well and b) a break up text - she deserved at least a face to face conversation.  The saddest thing about all of this is that he genuinely does care about her, but not in the way she wants.  I’ve said before that they would be great as friends; he cares about her in a way that is actually really lovely except that it’s not what she wanted and thought she had so it effectively is a lie.  Then of course the thing with Jonas - Matteo uses his mother as a convenient excuse to deflect the issues, which isn’t helped at all by Jonas offering to talk about his mother or Sara.  Neither of those is the thing that’s occupying Matteo’s mind rn, and so this offer falls flat.  It’s a really good reflection of how far apart these two have slipped.  Again, it’s a very well done slide into the space where Matteo’s blow up at the boys makes a whole lot of sense.  They just aren’t as tight as they once were and none of them really knows what’s going on with him.  This is just enhanced by the social media, where Jonas is often with the other boys with Matteo nowhere in sight.

Clip four - A very short clip, but it allows Sara to have her say.  It makes very clear the consequences of how Matteo has been treating her - all her hurts and pains and excuses all come to a head here.  And yes, her assumption that he’s gay just because of all of this (she’s yelling at him; does she really expect he’s going to say anything - this silence is entirely in character and isn’t indicative of him being gay) is shitty, and a lot of the way she reacts after this is very over the top and ridiculous and even damaging, but here we see the reality of why she’s like this: a very unhappy, betrayed girl who has been badly used and is having to face up to the crashing down of everything she thought she had.  And we see Matteo having to face up to this at the end - he tried to avoid this by using a text but Sara as we have seen throughout the season is not one to be silent when she can speak her mind.  He’s been able to push aside her thoughts and feelings so far, but now he can’t anymore.  This is of course a precursor to the way he reacts when David asks about Sara and her feelings in the next clip.

Clip five - so painful to watch.   While they’re able to live in the fantasy unreal world, playing at table tennis or fencing or whatever, they’re able to be on the same page.  And again we can see exactly how well they get along when they can do this pretence, which makes it all that much harder to watch when Matteo tries to turn it into something real.  The hardest part to watch here is that Matteo doesn’t really notice it - he’s still so caught up in what he thinks they have to notice that David has started to pull back.  Again, Druck is very clever here - this is so similar to what Sara went through and it’s setting us up for Matteo’s realisation of how badly he treated her later; he’s literally built something up in his head and is so happy in it and so enmeshed in it that he can’t see what the reality is at this point in exactly the same way that Sara did.  The thing is, we tend to feel more for Matteo because we’re in his PoV; it’s easy to forgive him for how he treated Sara since we know why he did it and we can see how much the whole thing stifled him and it’s easy to be on his side when he’s dumped by David as well because we’re in it with him.  But that same thing can be seen if we look at both David and Sara - they also both have their own reasons for behaving the way they did when they’re in Matteo’s position and so actually we should extend the same compassion to them as well.  

Clip six - such a difficult clip to watch.  It starts really well, with Matteo chilling in his room listening to the same song he shared with David.  Of course it’s already difficult to watch because of how obviously out of sorts David was last time, but the thing is that (while we knew something was coming because of the og) we didn’t really know why or what was affecting David.  So again, seeing Matteo so happy is sad because we know it’s so fragile.  Then the conversation with Hans, which also starts very well but descends into something pretty awful.  Imo, the first half of the conversation works better here than the one with Eskild and Isak (and the second half doesn’t quite have the same impact) - it feels like a closer relationship and Hans has always seemed to understand Matteo and so there’s a genuine warmth and delight as they talk about it, which of course makes the follow up feel like a blow to Hans, particularly when viewed in the light of his own experiences with having to be fake for his parents.  Not that I think Matteo is trying to be an asshole at all, much like when he had the discussion about the guy with the dancing girls.  He’s still trying to work out how to be gay and what that looks like and how you can be like him and still gay.  But it comes out very badly as he tries to work his way through it.  It’s another example of Matteo not quite realising how his words and actions may affect other people.  Unfortunately there’s something in this part of the conversation that just doesn’t have the same impact - maybe if Eskild’s delivery hadn’t been so good this would have held the impact, but it just doesn’t for me.  Still, it’s all part of Matteo’s slow awakening to the place he has in the world and the impact he can have on others - and they on him.

Speaking of which, unlike Isak, Matteo goes to confront David about his text.  This is again consistent with his character and really shows up how assertive he is when he cares about something.  With so much of his life, Matteo is checked out but with David he’s fully involved.  For once in his life he wants something and he’s damn well going to get it.  Unfortunately, given David’s own personal issues at this time, this is the wrong move and he gets the ‘I’m not into you’ message back.  Ironically, for someone who broke up with someone else via text, he’s learning very quickly just how painful that is.  A very quick karmic return!  But jokes aside, this is such a difficult moment to watch and wondering how it could play out was so hard at the time.  Telling someone you’re not into them (even if it’s an obvious lie to outsiders) feels like quite a final thing.  The fact that there was a potential hiatus and that Matteo’s phone was now probably unavailable was really tough.  It was clear that we were entering the very difficult stages of this season!  And also, thus starts the 15 days without seeing David.  Our Matteo does a lot of growing and developing, but it was very painful to live through - I’m not looking forward to living it again!

[honestlyandrogynousnightmare]

Arthur in Sins of the father...

Fyi, prepare for grammatical errors because beta reading just isnt my thing..by that i mean im lazy but yknow

I have to say, this is probably one of my favourite episodes ever. Not only is it actually well written, its focused on Arthur and how much he misses his mother and Bradley did an incredible job in this episode. 

I like how Arthur centric it is. Most episodes do end up revolving around Merlin (well no shit sherlock the show is called merlin) but having this episode focus on Arthurs struggles is a nice change and gives us a better view into his character as well as gives us a glimpse of what Arthur would be like without his fathers brainwashing.

What this episode highlights more than anything is how much Arthur wants to meet his mother. All his life he has been told to obey his father and not trust sorcerers and then the moment a sorceress mentions that she knew his mother Arthur goes against both of those things just to meet her. It doesnt matter what lengths he has to go to, he still does everything he can for that one conversation and i think that shows just how much he wants that maternal figure in his life, even if its for a few seconds. In all honesty, i would say he’s pretty desperate by this point. His father never mentions his mother or anything about her so so he cant even paint a picture of her in his brain which just makes him want to meet her more. In those moments when hes going after Morgause, we kind of see a different side of him, because for once in his life he has a chance to learn something about his mother. And you just cant blame him for being so desperate at this point. We dont see much of this, but Arthur grew up without that love every other child experiences, not even from his own father. Someone in his position cant spare time for feelings, and that key ideology that his father drilled into his head remained there from childhood onwards. Having this one chance to know something about the person his mother was, isnt something he could let himself miss.

Another thing he is bound to be feeling is guilt. The first instance is being the cause of his mothers death. Before he found out about the magic thing, it wouldve been so easy to jump to the conclusion that his birth caused is mothers death as she died in childbirth (or as he was told). But after he was told that he was born of magic, i think that while part of him blamed his father for not reading the fine print on the contract (i dont know who came up with that joke, it for sure wasnt me), he still blamed himself because the creation of his life is what took his mothers life away. Not only that, but at the end of the episode when Merlin told him that the illusion was fake, its clear enough that he feels guilty for almost killing his damn father, trusting a sorceress in the first place and also disobeying  his father. 

And back onto the whole thing about Arthur being desperate, he trusted a random woman (and i repeat, a sorceress) about knowing his mother. Not only that but he fully believed the illusion. Idk this just makes me so sad because he had that little spark of hope, not only about meeting his mother but also believing that not all sorcerers are evil. He didnt question these things, he went straight into them, which to me just again shows how desperate and hopeful he was at that point. 

Obviously all of that was completely crushed when he attempted to murder his father and then merlin told him that it was all a lie butttt lets backtrack a little. 

What i love about this episode more than anything is that is shows us that Arthur isnt completely brainwashed (using that word again because synonyms requre effort) by his father, he doesnt hang on every word that is told to him by Uther and all it takes to convince him that his father is wrong is one illusion.Him fighting with Uther and, even for that short period of time, believing that magic isnt evil, gives us an insight into the person he is. Hes not a bad person. He may be naive and ignorant because of the way he was brought up but  if he was educated properly as a child then he wouldnt agree with his father so much. The question everyone always asks is what would happen if merlin hadnt stepped in? i think its fair to say that Arthur wouldnt hate magic so much and maybe the whole golden age of albion would actually happen, but arthur would be miserable. i think thats the main thing that pushed merlin to lie again, because by that point in the series its obvious that he doesnt fight for magic, he fights for arthur. Like yeah arthur saying that magic is evil at the end of the episode does clerly crush merlin but i dont think he would be able to live with Arthur being so miserable and guilt ridden over killing his father. Either way, this is about arthur and not merlin (though ill probably write a paragraph on that sooner or later) so let me pose you the final question (that i will also answer because im here to spread my unwanted opinions).

Is this entire episode pointless for arthurs character development  or not. 

when i first asked myself this question, the obvious answer was yes, because arthur went full circle. from hating sorcery to still hating it in the end. But what i later considered is that even if he went full circle, there was a journey he had to endure. If anything, he hates sorcery even more now simply because he first hand witnessed a sorceress “lie” to him for her own gain and to try to destroy the kingdom. All those things his father taught him about sorcery are essentially happening, and the fact that he was lied to about a sensitive subject like his mother, would just make the situation worse for him.

The thing about arthur and sorcery, is that he is never actually able to find his own stance on it. People manipulate him back and forth, whether thats Uther, agravane, morgana, morgause, random magical enemies of camelot who think starting war and conflict will make arthur hate sorcery less, everyone manipulates him and drags him into different directions. He never makes that opinion himself. Idrk, this isnt even relevant but im on a roll of pointing out sad things so whoohooo

So what is my point? If this hadn't happened, maybe Arthur would have an easier time making his own judgement and stance on magic, but of course its bbc merlin and we cant have happy endings.

Welp hope you enjoyed this rollercoaster of emotions, have a lovely evening ..or day?

Either way. As always. I blame uther

[midnight-in-town]

About the current (last?) arc of AnY and going full circle

Sorry if some fans already mentioned those ideas but I’ve been rereading the current arc, because it’s been quite long and the pace has its flaws sometimes, so I wanted to broaden my perspective on the story. 

First of all, as an introduction can I just say that I’m, as always, impressed by Hak’s character. He had so much cliché and shallow potential when the story started (I really used to roll my eyes at him), but he became one of my absolute favorite by how deep and strong-hearted he actually is, once he allows people behind the walls he built around him. Anyway, my love for his character & development knows no boundary. I had to say this, ok. I’ll explain why later in the post. Moving on. 

A conflict of generation

If there is one thing I love about Kusanagi-sensei, it’s the feminine touch she adds to her writing. For example, when she naturally addressed periods during the Xing arc and it fit perfectly, because that’s just how her writing goes. In this arc, it shows through the initial bold move to tell us readers about the past through the thoughts and words of a character we’ve never met, that is to say, Yonhi, Yuhon’s wife and Suwon’s mother. 

And yet, it made absolute sense, because Yonhi was the reason behind the cataclysm that eventually led to Yuhon killing priests, as well as the falling-out between him and his younger brother, Il. All along, Yonhi was the silent but pained witness to this feud, watching as the ego of two brothers destroyed everything when none of the two backed down, leading to first Kashi’s death, then Yuhon’s murder and finally Suwon’s coup. 

So, in a way, even if I think Suwon makes a far better king than Yuhon or Il, his circumstances kinda precede the logical decision to get Il out of the picture before he completely annihilated his own kingdom in poverty and war, because there is too much resentment and hatred that fueled Suwon while growing up, even if we readers know that his motivations are primarily about saving Kouka from war against the Kai Empire.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely despise both Yuhon and Il but, unfortunately for Suwon, Yona growing up sheltered and mostly unaware of the horrible truth highlights her own decisions throughout the series to be completely selfless and wanting to own up to her father’s misjudgement, rather than trying to get back at Suwon, effectively breaking the cycle of hatred amongst the royal family. 

Why the Wind Tribe kept on supporting Il when everyone else could notice that he was betting on his daughter as the reincarnation of King Hiryuu to save his country is beyond me (Mundok plz explain). Not that Yuhon was better, preaching wars, and I’m glad that Il eventually reconciled with Yonhi, telling him that he would accept Suwon’s judgement but...

...I can’t forgive him for his words. 

Like Yonhi, I’d rather he would have hoped that his conflict with his brother did not reach his children than entertaining it the way he did.

Hopefully though, now that Yona read Yonhi’s memoirs, she will work towards achieving that goal. Not that I have any doubt, since she never really managed to hate Suwon. 

Speaking of the past generation, reading the latest chapters I couldn’t help but wonder about Yona's sad dream... could it be that she inherited Kashi’s gift? Kashi did say that she had these prophetic visions since very young which doesn’t seem to be Yona’s case, but I’ll keep the idea in mind, because it’s interesting. I mean, from Yonhi’s memoirs, it seems that Kashi envisioned that the child she would have would be Hiryuu’s reincarnation (whoever the father was going to be), so Yona inheriting the same prophetic gift from her mother would make sense. 

What an ironic parallel to Suwon inheriting the Crimson Illness from Yonhi if that’s the case, am I right? 

Yona as Kouka’s next Queen

And by that I do not mean Keishuk’s plan to marry her to Suwon, because of her popularity with Kouka’s people. Obviously, the story always was to conclude in Yona getting her throne back and that’s even easier to imagine with Suwon’s disabling illness, but becoming a ruler is tough work and Yona had no real experience acting as a leader for an entire country. 

She didn’t know much before her father’s murder and, even after she became a runaway with Hak and the rest of the HHB, she finely dealt with crises affecting some parts of the kingdom but never the whole kingdom at once, like it’s doomed to happen with the war against the Kai Empire. 

So I really appreciated her stepping up when Suwon couldn’t, because that’s definitely good training and we see the results in the latest chapters:

To be fair, I always thought that Keishuk would be the biggest thorn in Yona’s side during this arc but, as many characters have said in this arc, he’s rather clever and honest about what he intends to achieve, which is why it’s not in his interests to get in the way of Yona if they share a similar goal. 

Looking forward to her facing even greater challenges. Good luck, Yona. <3

War against the Kai Empire: there is strength in unity

The Kai Empire has been depicted as the story’s big bad for a long while now and the common goal for which Yona’s faction and Suwon’s allies could unite, but I’m glad to get more specifics and new characters to explore that part of the plot.

Namely, Mei and Vall. With Chagol, they seem like the perfect foil trio to Suwon, Yona and Hak, except that Chagol seems like a real thorn in the other two’s backs, when a strong bond still ties our main trio in spite of the sad circumstances of the beginning. I particularly love the mirroring reflection between Mei and Yona...

&

...except that Mei is not at odds with one kingdom but with two and that she also deals with the Crimson Illness. :/

Now that war has started, the big threat that South Kai represents will obviously be dealt with, but Kouka kingdom will need more than its five tribes to win this. That’s where I’m sure we all expect to see old “enemies” come back, namely Xing Kingdom, since Kouren signed a military agreement with Suwon, thanks to Yona and Tao. I would bet that this won’t be enough either, but Xing are the only known allies that Kouka kingdom has. 

There is another “enemy” we know from the previous arc though, who have strong feelings against the Kai Empire, specifically about rulers treating their women badly and they are...

...Ying Kuelbo and the Tully tribe. 

The big difference between Xing Kingdom and the Tully tribe is that Suwon never met or dealt directly with Kuelbo the way he did with Kouren and Tao. The Tully tribe lost and Kuelbo ran away, betrayed and having to find a new way to take on the Kai Empire. That’s why I think the Tully tribe would eventually make for a good ally in this war: it showed good promises when Yuran and Yona got along and I think Yona understood where Kuelbo was coming from, especially now that Mei is with them and can probably tell them in details about Chagol.

Not saying this will happen soon, but since there is someone who met and fought against Kuelbo, probably gaining his respect, if this person was to seek the Tully tribe to make them Kouka Kingdom’s ally on Yona’s guidance, I think Kuelbo would give it a thought. That’s right, I’m talking about Hak, who’s currently on his way with Yoon to the Earth Tribe to fetch a drug that will not be able to save neither Suwon nor Mei, thanks Zeno for spoiling us. 

That’s what I meant when I said that Hak slowly became one of my favorite characters throughout the story. While the Sky Tribe seems to be taking bets on who between Yona and Suwon will eventually sit for good on that throne, there is a good chance that Hak will be one of the key players when it comes to winning that war against South Kai. Not that we should expect any less from the Thunder Beast. <3

To be very honest though, I expected this arc to be very tough for his character, because the truth behind Il’s death and Suwon’s coup would never be easily understandable to him (Yona’s own words, not mine): 

Yet, surprisingly he was able to at least listen and, no matter if he will ever understand Suwon’s choice or not, he decided to trust in Yona’s decision to back Suwon in the rising political issues.  

In general, I love how Hak is the least bound by the past before Suwon’s coup. He did respect Il as his king, but he did not protect Yona in the beginning for anyone else’s sake but her own. Just like Kashi once asked him to always protect Yona (which is sweet since she could see the future) but, considering he never even thought about her words once in the story, it’s likely he doesn’t remember that at all, making the choice to be by Yona’s side defined as solely his own. 

It’s this strength of his that eventually led him to say recently that he would go fetch that drug with Yoon, knowing that it was for Suwon’s sake (surprising Suwon himself), just like he will definitely fight for Kouka Kingdom, not because Yona wants him to but because it’s clearly his own desire (see ch211 where he let Yun go alone so that he could help the Earth Tribe fight):

All that makes Hak the wildest card of every agency in the plot, not simply because he’s strong and reliable and the biggest worry of the Sky Tribe, but because...

...Yona and the four dragons will never give him up.

Through Hak, Yona will be able to assert her political weight and he will be there for her, like he always was, making it impossible for their little group to lose. What a power move, I love it. 

I think I should stop there because I already rambled so much. Looking forward to the rest of the arc, it’s going to be a wild ride!! 

[boonesfarmsangria]

Bunkering down from the chaos to make an album full of light, ‘Life Is Yours’ was written as a rousing statement of hope. Back with thousands of fans once more, Foals are ready to reap its rewards.

“When we got to Brixton Academy, I said, ‘Isn’t it weird that, for the first five years of the band, this was the pinnacle of our touring?’” considers Yannis Philippakis. “Brixton used to be the highlight of the tour, but though it was a really special show the other night - it meant a lot - it was by no means the pinnacle of the scale.”

Sat in the dressing room of an industrial studio bunker in the arse end of North London, the Foals frontman is taking a break between filming takes for a raft of live performance videos that he, guitarist Jimmy Smith and drummer Jack Bevan are shooting today. Though the video aesthetic itself is sleek and minimal, the production is anything but, with dozens of bodies running around to bring the vision to life. Much like everything Foals do these days, the scale is large; if the previous weekend’s 5,000-capacity Brixton Academy show felt relatively intimate, it’s because it comes at the end of a run that’s seen the now-trio play to 40,000 fans in London alone.

Perhaps the most notable thing about Foals’ most recent slay round the country is that, these days, giant swarms of crowds feel par for the course. Having cut their teeth igniting the mid-‘00s house party circuit nearly two decades ago, these days they stand as one of the UK’s most celebrated live bands, but one who’ve kept that same feral spirit intact. Though the frontman describes feeling “comfortable” and “fully in command” of playing arenas now, there’s no acquiescence to comfort to be found anywhere near the stage. Still flinging himself into crowds and getting in the throng of it all, no one seems as happy to have live music back as Yannis.

“I said to someone after one of the shows last week, when we play ‘What Went Down’ in particular, there’s something about that song, and something about being free of the guitar at the end, where it feels like it just shouldn’t be taking place…” he chuckles with a glint in his eye. “It’s just too much; it’s like a cartoon villain with electricity going through them, that’s how I feel. At the moment, they light everything red during that song and it just feels like Battlefield Z or whatever that film is with the zombies. It feels like a boxing ring a bit, when they lower the [lights] and you’re penned in. It just looks crazy.”

Having spent the majority of 2020 and 2021 “jumping rope for an hour a day” to release the pent up tension (“At show time, there’d be phantom show energy where I’d just be terrified for anyone in my vicinity and they’d be like, ‘Do you just want to go do something with yourself and get out the way?’” he jokes), the frontman speaks of returning to the stage with the same mix of happiness and relief as returning to a loved one.

“Just getting to watch how Foals crowds are, it looks fucking amazing; it’s a joy to watch the crowd watching the show,” he enthuses. “It’s havoc out there but it’s blissful. There are all sorts of people, all wearing t-shirts from different eras, and it’s cool because none of this could have been there - this could all have been gone. The fact that the thing we love the most felt deeply under threat meant that we’re obviously coming at it now with a renewed appreciation.”

And tangled up beautifully within that sentiment, crafted as a means of hope and escape, comes seventh album ‘Life Is Yours’: the most uplifting, buoyant reach for communion and positivity that Foals have created yet.

Back in the earliest days of the band, Yannis recalls being taken to techno shows for the first time by former keyboardist Edwin Congreave (who left to return to education before work on the new record began). Inspired by his experiences, alongside genre-smashing artists like LCD Soundsystem and The Rapture, it was this idea that first invigorated Foals to concoct their own hybrid, the manifesto of trying to “make dance music with guitars” forming the background of celebrated 2008 debut ‘Antidotes’.

In many ways, ‘Life Is Yours’ harks back to that formative spirit. Purposefully eschewing the monstrous riffs that have peppered their recent albums, the band’s seventh is more dance-indebted and limber, from the bubbling falsetto funk strut of ‘2001’ to the bouncing synth pads that underpin ‘Under The Radar’.

“I think it’s probably a reaction to the fact that we wrote every type of song we possibly could on [previous double album] ‘Everything Not Saved Will Be Lost’, and it felt like such a wide spectrum across the two records in a way where we kind of wanted to deny ourselves certain things [this time],” Yannis suggests. “We wanted to write a record that has rhythm and edge, but that didn’t have fuzz pedals and screaming. So we thought, let’s write a dancey record that feels cohesive and is joyous and celebratory.” He pauses. “It’s not like we’ve written a record for a bouncy castle or something. There is depth…”

The depth perhaps comes from the way the trio approached their take on musical affirmation. Bubbling up during the second lockdown in a windowless room that the singer describes as “absolutely no frills, zero comfort”, the music Foals were making might have been conceived as an antidote to the external Covid wilderness but, as Yannis attests, “it wasn’t very party in the bunker”. “There was a corrugated iron grill we had the keys to, and there was no light and no windows, and we’d just play for seven hours a day, five days a week,” he explains. “We’ve never written in an opulent environment. We write in a way that feels very spartan where there’s no comfort other than in the music. There’s not even a couch or anything, absolutely no frills, and it’s small so you’re tight to each other.”

“When we were writing the album in that little room, I wasn’t really thinking in terms of the today-reality of the band; I was thinking about how fun it was to play at those tiny house parties we used to play at,” adds Jack. “I wasn’t thinking about having a dance party in front of 40,000 people, it’s more like, let’s imagine this with a low ceiling in a dark basement where the music is really loud. That whole era was really exciting and I think when you lose sight of your roots and where you came from, then you’re just another band trying to make massive tunes.”

Though Yannis, Jack and Jimmy now stand as a bona fide BRIT Award-winning, chart-topping entity who’ll this month take one of Glastonbury’s highest spots, headlining The Other Stage on Friday night, there’s still the overriding sense that Foals are, at their heart, the same band they’ve always been. They’re one of the last survivors of one of the last generations to break through without the pressures of social media, and there remains a sort of uncensored spirit to the band that still feels raw and uncontrived and increasingly rare.

“When we were starting out, the way of making your band a great band was in the everyday, and then the appendage was that maybe you set up a Myspace page or something,” Yannis says. “The online presence was very much a latter afterthought at that point, and so it meant that you had to conjure up excitement and energy in the here and now, and for us that was playing every show like it’s our last. We weren’t even thinking that there was gonna be a career in it, because there was a healthy DIY scene that was rewarding in and of itself. And then shortly after, lots of things migrated online and bands became more self conscious.”

“A few times over the years, I’ve met kids in bands and they’ve said, ‘How do you get big?’ and it grosses me out so much as a question,” Jack notes. “Do the thing you like and enjoy it, and if you’re good enough, people will like it.” “The only way it’s bearable is if you actually like doing it; if you’re just trying to do it [for fame] then it’s just horrible,” Jimmy grimaces.

“Coming back to these shows, there’s a pride at how many people were there and the fact that people held their tickets for two and a half years and they’re as excited as ever. Lots of bands’ lifespans are about two and a half years…” Yannis notes, by way of comparison. “I would question my sense of self without the group and without playing music - it’s that fundamental for me. I don’t know who to be if I’m not making music, and a lot of it is being on stage. It does feel dangerous and electrifying, and it is fucking draining, but I live for it.”

In everything they do - from consigning themselves to a box room to write, to throwing themselves gleefully into a “physically draining” set night after night, to penning an album that throws a stylistic left-turn from their most successful release to date - Foals are still visibly committed to doing things not only the ‘proper’ way (read: no quick fixes), but in the way that works for them. They’re pleased with their more industry-centric successes as much as they feel they’re deserved. “If we never got any recognition of what we did then it would be annoying, but yeah, it’s cool. Big whoop,” Yannis deadpans when the subject of awards is raised. But more than ever, having watched it nearly slip out of their grasp, Foals just want to tear the roof off of every venue they step foot in and scorch an indelible mark.

Life is theirs and, seven albums in, Foals are still riding it into battle with as much vitality as ever.

DIY Magazine

‘Life Is Yours’ is out 17th June via Warner.