#of course this never happens but they still teach youth lessons on how to be prepared to be the best missionary in case it does

[redrockbutch]

A fun fact abt Mormons is that they genuinely believe that the rest of the world goes around talking amongst themselves about the "light" they can see in Mormons and that this is an inherent thing about the church and people get "brighter" when they join bc they learned you can't say people's skin gets whiter, but they love the concept too much to let it go

And the only time I've ever been told anything like that was when a middle aged straight woman told me that I was clearly so much happier and more comfortable living in my body when I wasn't trying to dress feminine lmao

[chibimui]

The Apothecary Diaries LN1 Thoughts - Part 3 (ch25 - End)

[Part 1] [Part 2]

The final part of my thoughts on the first volume of The Apothecary Diaries. We'll go through the remaining chapters and wrap up with my overall thoughts on this novel on it's own, as the beginning to the story.

Without further ado, here we go!

(Warning: spoilers for the rest of the light novels up until LN15, for English-only readers please be mindful if you don't want to be spoiled!)

Last part we had Jinshi finally realizing Maomao is a human being at the garden party and now we get Maomao finally realizing Jinshi is actually a human being after seeing how he reacts to Sir Kounen's death. Of course, all of this is only possible because Jinshi increasingly stops putting on his mask around Maomao. I'm not sure if this was necessarily a conscious decision on his part or if it was something that just happened as he grew to like her more.

In general, throughout the remaining chapters of LN1 we get more and more observations from Maomao about how youthful and childish Jinshi frequently looks. I'm not going to screencap all these moments, but it's a clear sign that Maomao is starting to observe Jinshi more closely! Although, childish Jinshi still infuriates Maomao - she hasn't warmed up to him just yet, mostly because she still thinks he's a bum who keeps skirting his job to mess with her (and she's not entirely wrong - once again, my condolences to Gaoshun).

I also need to highlight this moment because this is them flirting, trust me:

No, but for real - this is both Maomao and Jinshi letting their guards down and showing their real selves around each other. Jinshi being a little shit, and Maomao not holding back her absolute disdain/horror at potentially not being able to drink.

Next in Ch26 is when we get another teaching moment from Maomao to Jinshi about the differences in there status, but before I jump to that I want to highlight this little detail first:

This is a thought Maomao has at the fact that whenever she is officially called to meet Jinshi, it is always in someone else's office - usually the office of the Matron who is in charge of the serving ladies. It's a small detail, but upon hindsight I realize this is a pretty big hint that Jinshi is not simply someone who works in the rear palace and actually has a greater role outside of the rear palace (where his office presumably would be).

Now. The conversation Maomao has with Jinshi where she requests that if he were to order her death, she would prefer to be poisoned. Once again, I want to give props to the anime for doing such an amazing job with this scene.

It was interesting to see how this scene was written in the novel because we get Jinshi's reaction mostly from Maomao's point of view and she only... sort of picks up on the fact that Jinshi is upset. She notices his demeanor, but she doesn't understand what it means. Thankfully with what Maomao observes, we as readers can discern that Jinshi is probably waaaaay more upset and disturbed than Maomao is realizing, but I feel like the weight of Jinshi's horror is a bit lost through this lens, which is somewhat unfortunate.

To give Maomao a pass, she also genuinely doesn't realize that she's actually teaching Jinshi a really hard lesson here. Jinshi is young. We the reader, and Maomao, don't know this yet - but the guy is only nineteen and he was incredibly sheltered for the majority of his life. At this point, he also mostly seems to assume that people only listen to him because he's attractive and not because, you know, he's royalty (of clearly just someone of importance), but Maomao painting it out for him in such a stark way really gets to him. Partly because he genuinely cares for her, but also I think because he has truly never had to consider just how powerful he is... until now.

Moving on we get to the "Honey arc" - Lishu's part of the story. Sharing a few notable moments I highlighted on some things I've already touched upon:

Maomao comparing the rear palace to a prison/cage.

Maomao being affected by others being afraid of her

This one was just hilarious to me because Maomao is being so mean, but also I love how she is so used to being rude to Jinshi she legit forgets that she's not supposed to treat him like that!

Now the last snippet is the one that is most interesting to me because for all the progress both Jinshi and Maomao have made at warming up around each other, it is clear that there is still very much still a clear boundary between them. Jinshi very much does not know that he doesn't need to be seductive because he assumes that's actually the only reason people listen to him and Maomao obviously is still acting under the role as a servant who has no say in what is requested of her. It's also this exact miscommunication and misunderstanding between the two of them that results in what happens at the end of the novel - Maomao being fired.

Overall this final arc of the novel is really fascinating to me, both because Lishu and Ah-Duo play somewhat significant roles later on, and because what Maomao learns from this part of the novel brings her a teensy-tiny bit closer to discovering who Jinshi really is... except for the fact that she staunchly refuses to acknowledge this until basically LN9 after she actually sees Jinshi and the Emperor interacting. She clocks everything in LN1! And ignored what she knew for TWO YEARS. Maomao truly is the queen of compartmentalizing and denial.

I also just want to point out that in the novel Jinshi does actually acknowledge his little honey trick with Maomao as being a bit overboard. I've definitely seen a lot of anime-only folks who were very uncomfortable with that scene and use it as a reason to either dislike JinMao as a ship, or Jinshi entirely as a person. Honestly, that judgement is fair. I like how with the novel's acknowledgement thought, it shows that Jinshi isn't stupid or unaware of his actions and the affect he has on people - he's unfortunately still just really immature, lol.

Anyway, skipping ahead to share our first actually somewhat intimate JinMao moment!!

Honestly, I think this moment really just shows Maomao's overall kindness. It definitely belies the fact that Maomao doesn't dislike Jinshi as much as she acts, but I don't think she has necessarily started liking him yet either--but she recognizes he's upset and she is willing to give him a break for it because what Maomao has always appreciated most about JInshi so far are the moments when he's human, and this is undoubtedly one of them.

I'm not going to share screencaps of all of Maomao's 100% correct theorizing as she watches Ah-Duo exit the palace, but this girl literally gets it right all the way at the start. What a genius. I do want to highlight the final line of ch30 though:

I actually have so many thoughts about Ah-Duo. I'm not going to get into all of it because that will come later, but I do like how, right from the start, the novel highlights how maternal Ah-Duo is. It's interesting because she's frequently described as manly and presenting very masculine, and I feel like in a lot of other stories the assumption would be she has zero interest in children, but that is not the case at all here. Love it. Love the example that a woman can act "masculine" and still be maternal. I just love Ah-Duo so much. She may never have wanted to be Empress, but I think she did want to be a mother (and were this an AU, I think she'd have been damn good at it!)

Jinshi's immense sadness at her leaving does also make me wonder what exactly were their interactions like while they were both in the rear palace? It's very obvious from later novels that Ah-Duo absolutely acknowledges and sees Jinshi as her son and wants the absolute best for him, but I assume she doesn't actually show that too Jinshi. Maybe that's why she kicked him out after drinking, lol. I assume she was somewhat sad too--she won't get to see him as much now after all. I also wonder if the rest of Ah-Duo's Ladies-in-Waiting also all know who Jinshi is. I wonder how often he would go see her just to get a bit of a break. Gah, so many questions about these two!!

Anyway, we finally get to the last bit of the novel. Maomao's departure!

In this chapter we get to see how seriously Jinshi has taken all of Maomao's little lessons for him regarding his status, the power he wields, and how that affects her as a commoner with no power. It leaves him in quite a conundrum as he is in a position where he has the opportunity to use his power to get what he wants, but is rightfully worried about doing so.

I want to point out that I like how the novel explicitly states that what JInshi is worried about is how their status, and him using his power to order Maomao around, could ultimately ruin their relationship. When Jinshi said he was worried about their gap becoming wider in the anime, I'll admit, I had no idea what he meant because their relationship seemed to be going pretty well at that point.

Now. We all know how Maomao's negotiations with Jinshi actually end up going, which is they fail terribly. It's actually really unfortunate because the crux of this miscommunication is that Maomao cannot see past their noble-commoner relationship, which is actually 100% fair! That is totally valid of her! It's just really unfortunate because Jinshi is genuinely trying to be understanding and meet Maomao at her level, he just misses the mark because he still doesn't fully understand that he can't meet her at her level (yet). Him, a person in power, asking someone lesser than them "What do you want" won't work because most will see that as a trap. A trick question.

This is something Jinshi will come to realize later on, but he actually cannot ignore the power he has and it would be detrimental of him to do so. At the end of the day, his word is law. He cannot change that for himself. Maomao knows this, Jinshi is still grappling with this. So Maomao acts accordingly to her station, given the situation as she understands it to be - which is that she has no say, and Jinshi has all of it.

I do like this observation later on from Gaoshun though:

First, Gaoshun has now officially become the second member of the JinMao ship (first was Gyokuyou). Secondly--and more seriously--while Jinshi may not have a say in how much power he wields, one thing he can do is listen to Maomao and respect her wants. Which is what he was trying to do. The undoing there is that Maomao sucks at saying what she wants! So it's not just Jinshi still fundamentally misunderstanding the power dynamic that exists between them, but definitely also Maomao being shit at communicating when given a golden opportunity to do so.

Which leads us to the epilogue, and I just want to say I love the title for the epilogue: The Eunuch and the Courtesan. I love it because both of these titles for Jinshi and Maomao respectively are incorrect descriptions. Jinshi is neither a eunuch and Maomao is neither a courtesan. They're both playing roles that don't actually suit either of them.

Can I just say, Jinshi doing that thing with his finger on her lip was honestly so smooth. I mean. Just look at Maomao's reaction:

If she truly hadn't liked it, she would not have stopped herself from looking at him like a piece of dirt--but no. Maomao is flustered. She was charmed. Unfortunately this is basically the moment Jinshi uses up all his rizz because I feel nothing he ever does after this flusters Maomao to this extent, and once they get together Maomao is the one doing the flustering. Don't worry Maomao, you'll get your revenge with a single finger of your own in LN14 *snorts*.

And then we end with Jinshi buying Maomao out which will take us to LN2 which means this is it folks! That's a wrap for Volume 1 of The Apothecary Diaries light novels!

I didn't explicitly mention this at the start, although you probably noticed if you read this whole thing - but I purposely tried to avoid talking about the overall plot of this novel, and part of that is because the influence from the anime is too strong for me.

My goal for sharing my thoughts on LN1 (and upcoming LN2) is really to focus on the extra details and things that stood out to me outside of what we already know from the anime. Some things still overlapped, but otherwise I would've just been gushing about the anime which isn't the point! When I get to LN3 and 4 (assuming S2 hasn't released by then) I will touch on more plot related things. Especially because OH BOY the plot related things in those novels is huge.

Anyway, as a novel - I really liked how this book is separated in a way where all the mysteries and tasks Maomao ends up doing ends up focusing individually on each of the four consorts one after the other. We start with Gyokuyou, then Lihua, then Lishu and then we finish with Ah-Duo. I also don't know if this is purposeful, but this progression goes from the consort who ends up being the most "trapped" (I would argue becoming the Emperor's main consort is the most trapped you can be), to the one who is able to "escape" (although it's arguable whether Ah-Duo is ever really free given her specific circumstance).

I'd say Lihua and Lishu are the ones in the end who actually get the best end of the stick. Lihua still gets a kid and remains in the Emperor's good graces, but is able to stay out of all the politics and focus on just being a mother, and Lishu gets to leave entirely and nets herself a future husband! It is unfortunate that out of all the consorts, Lihua basically disappears from the narrative after a certain point. She's so sweet. I love the anime adding in the scene of her patting Maomao's head <3.

You can really tell this is an introduction to the story too. The mysteries in this novel are presented in the most episodic way compared to later novels. Basically every chapter is a new case, and there isn't really an overarching narrative behind them compared to Vol 2. The mysteries do a really great job of bringing the reader into the setting though, and each case Maomao solves ends up teaching you something about the environment, and the way the world Maomao lives in works. Nothing feels rushed, nothing feels lacking. A solid start to a slow-burner of a series.

I also want to say it was refreshing to see Jinshi and Maomao at their early stages of interaction again. There really is such a difference in how Maomao and Jinshi interact in this novel compared to later ones Heck, I feel like even by LN3 she's already way less cagey around him. I genuinely kind of forgot she sees him like a dirty bug for a decent chunk of time. Yeah, she still finds him annoying in later novels, but the amount of times the narration describes Maomao glaring at Jinshi in this book alone is hilarious (also goes to show she sucks at hiding her emotions, lol).

Now onto LN2! I'm still in the process of reading it, but here's hope I can post part 1 soon. :)

[Light Novel 2 Thoughts - Part 1]

[vomitnest]

they say youth is wasted on the young. idk about that but i can speak for myself when i say that my life, especially from adolescence up until now, was more-or-less a misadventure. i was wrong-headed and misguided in my orientation to life. i felt brave and willing to take the risk of going my own way. i'm not sure how aware i was of my chances, or how wrong i might turn out to be in the end. i think i probably overestimated my ability to deal with the repercussions. it's possible i'm not as brave or as strong as i once must have thought. maybe i didn't give enough consideration to just how painful or grueling it could be for things not to go as planned.

oddly enough, i may have been in a better place spiritually at certain times back then than i am now. if that does happen to be the case then hopefully i'll recover some of that after i have time to heal from all the disillusionment i'm experiencing...

i.e., the crash... the inevitable burnout from having ambitions which far exceeded my talent. from having flown too close to the sun on wings of wax. that's where i'm at right now. this could be where i get stuck. this could be how it ends. for some people this is a passage. it doesn't feel like a passage. and of course there is no guarantee that it is.

i was young and dumb. i was delusional. i can accept that mental illness is an actual thing, even if the science is flawed. some people say that madness is divine or that it is the loftiest form of intelligence. this was not the case for me. and so i can say from experience that not all madness is divine, or even intelligent. it can land you in a cult or suck you down a rabbit hole and if it doesn't wreak havoc in your life it's still time that you'll never get back. sure, it can teach you valuable lessons and lead you to whatever is on the other side of that tunnel, but it can be very dangerous and diminish your quality of life.

life is precious. take chances, be adventurous, but don't be too hard headed or wreckless about it or you might miss out on the real thing. i was living in a fantasy world. and right now the task for me is to try and make an objective evaluation of myself and the world so that i can spend the time i have left more wisely. or else so that i can simply know and accept the truth of my existence and not give so much of my time to thoughts and feelings and pursuits that aren't contributing value to my life.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I’m not sure if anyone requested this yet, but can you write some sweet headcanons where Malleus, Vil, Riddle, Azul and f!s/o bond with their child? Like they've all graduated from NRC and they're adults and parents now. Thanks Raven!

Curiouser and Curiouser...

As the ruling family of the Valley of Thorns, you are often busy with political and economic affairs. One day, your child will become the next monarch, so they follow you around to important meetings (when they’re not with their royal tutors) and sit in to watch you and father work. This way, they are able to learn while also spending time with their parents.

A beloved family past time is taking a stroll in the palace gardens, hand in hand--your child holding one of yours, and one of dad’s. Malleus knows just what their favorite flower is, and sometimes does little magic tricks to get them to giggle--a shower of petals, or perhaps making all of their favorite flowers bloom in unison.

Sometimes Malleus joins his child for their lessons! It can be boring studying history books or practicing the violin alone, so he might read aloud to them, or take up a string instrument himself to show them the ropes!

Malleus also joins his child for the occasional spar. Of course, he never really goes all-out, but he does try to push them to think quick on their feet. Each battle tends to end with Malleus lying on the floor and pretending he has been “slain”--and when his child cautiously approaches to check on him, Malleus strikes back by tickling them until they’re squealing with laughter.

He knows it can be hard to get a grasp on magic, so when the first sparks start to appear in his child, he makes the time to help them control it. Malleus keeps mint candies in his robes to help cool fiery belches, and he kindly guides his child through shifting from humanoid to dragon and back.

There’s always ice-cream--the king’s favorite treat--on hand! He loves to share it with his child (especially if they’ve expelled a fiery burp earlier). Malleus constructs large and elaborate sundae boats to surprise them after a long day of their studies.

Malleus’s imposing height actually makes him the perfect playground for his child! They love to cling to his back or ride his shoulders, all while reaching up for the sky--which they hope to one day soar through with their father.

His status as an A-list celebrity tends to keep Vil away from home for extended periods of time, but he keeps in touch with his beloved family! That means lots of video calls with you and his child--and it makes all the moments you do spend together all the more meaningful. (Your child has a habit of pointing at magazine covers and the TV screen whenever they see their father on.)

Whenever Vil returns from work, he typically has a gift in hand for his child. It could be merchandise from whatever brand he has partnered with at the moment, a souvenir from abroad, or a plushie, flowers, or candy from his fans. It always brings a smile to his kid’s face--because their dad is thinking of them, even when they aren’t together.

Vil’s his child’s greatest supporter. He believes they can do anything they set their mind to, and he actively encourages them to work hard toward those goals. No matter how busy he is, Vil will show up to every sports game, every dance recital, every awards show his child is in.

He takes his child on lots of outings! The movies, restaurants, parks, spas, stores... anywhere, really! He thinks it is important for his child to see and experience as much of the world as they can--and besides, he loves doing anything and everything with them.

Vil allows his child to dig into his vanity and wardrobe for things to use for playing dress-up! He’ll sit at the kitchen counter and pretend to be a commentator as his child struts out in various outfits and looks they’ve thrown together.

Occasionally, Vil will sit down and let his kid make him “absolutely beautiful” with his own cosmetics. There’s a whole photo album in your phone of your husband in crooked lipstick and liner, or wildly messy eyeshadow, courtesy of your child.

If they have trouble sleeping,  Vil will read a fairy tale to them--and he’ll crack a little smile when his child tells him he’s like the prince in the story. Other times, he’ll sing lullabies to soothe them. When they’ve, at last, settled into sleep, Vil will brush their hair aside and kiss them on the forehead, wishing them sweet dreams.

Riddle is stern, but not emotionally closed off. He has sworn to never be like the tyrant his mother was to him in his youth. Though he may be upset when his child does an oopsie, he takes a deep breath, brings himself down to eye level with them, and calmly explains why it is he feels the way he does. Together, they’ll talk out their feelings and find a compromise that works for both of them.

He plays tea party with his child, even going out of his way to properly address each of their stuffed animals by their full name and title. Riddle sits down in a small plastic chair and pretends to sip his “tea” (cola heavily diluted with water) and eat his “scones and sandwiches” (colored clay cut into lopsided triangles).

They look after the family pets--a pair of hedgehogs--together. Riddle shows hid child where the hedgehogs like to be scratched, and how to properly hold them and bathe them. They love to give the hedgehogs their food, the lie on their bellies and proper their faces up to watch the pets eat.

He sits down with them to help with their homework. If there’s something they don’t understand, Riddle can talk them through it--though he won’t just spout out the answer. He wants his child to be able to think critically for themselves--he’s there to provide a little nudge, if needed.

Riddle and his child often experiment in the kitchen. He’s sure to pick simple, kid-friendly and easy recipes, and makes sure that his kid follows proper safety precautions. They serve you up the dishes they make, from fruit sandwiches to pasta salads to no-bake cheesecakes.

Whenever he’s eating something with strawberries on it, he offers the fruit to his child, since he knows they also enjoy them. They typically banter back and forth a bit before agreeing to split the strawberries in half so both of them can enjoy~

He often takes his child out on strolls through the neighborhood so they can see what life is like outside of the house. If some neighborhood kids want to play with them, Riddle lets his child run freely--he’ll just keep a careful eye on them from a distance.

Like their father, your child is ambitious and intelligent for their age. You can often find them trying to negotiate with their father for various things: later bed times, more allowance for the week, cake for dessert instead of fruit tonight... Azul usually still wins in the end, but he’s a good sport about it and allows the conversations to drag on a little to encourage his kid to put together a coherent argument.

Speaking of allowance, Azul is sure to make sure his child earns that money through various small acts, like doing the dishes or taking out the trash. That’s part of how he shows his love: by instilling values of fairness and working hard into his kid. He also does his part to teach them about the benefits healthy eating and exercise, so his kid can live a long and healthy life!

His child sometimes surprises him at his workplace. Whenever that happens, Azul grants them their own special table in the corner and serves them himself. There’s plenty of free finger foods and endless refills for them, but he’ll gently scold them if they run the risk of overeating or indulging in too many unhealthy foods.

Azul takes his child to the pool or to the beach to swim! He’s notably less enthusiastic about it if he has to do so in his true form, but he’ll do it if his child begs enough. They’re fascinated by his many arms--and to be honest, they come in handy when Azul needs to make a quick rescue or prevent them from drifting too far out on their own. When they’re old enough, Azul holds their hand, and they dive deep to explore the depths.

When the winter comes, Azul personally secures his child in a scarf and several other warm layers before sending them out into the cold. The Coral Sea can get to frigid temperatures during these times of the year, and he tends to worry for his child’s wellbeing and health because of it.

Azul doesn’t give his child gifts often (he wants them to be appreciative for what they already have), but when he does, they are generous ones--a big kitchen playset, a cash register with tons of play money, a lightning-magic powered car they can actually ride in...

Family board game night! Azul has a cabinet full of tabletop card games and board games specifically for these occasions. Monopoly in particular is especially... stiff competition. There’s betrayal and drama around every corner, but you still have tons of fun regardless.

[cqlfeels]

@lansplaining encouraged me to finish this random meta nobody asked for, so let's talk about Meng Yao, Meng Shi, and 孟母三遷 (mèng mǔ sān qiān), a proverb about good parenting.

A warning: this is super long (even for me!) and is less quality meta and more my ADHD brain jumping around a maze of loosely related ideas. Proceed with caution!

Let me start by briefly going through why I decided to write this, because it’s important. In haunting Meng Shi’s tag in my starvation for Meng Shi content, I’ve multiple times come across the idea that Meng Shi pushed Meng Yao too hard, that she should’ve been more careful with teaching him to seek his father’s approval at any cost, and that she was too naïve. I’ve never reblogged this kind of post because 1) I personally think it’s rude to go out of your way to ramble about how much you disagree with someone on their own post and 2) if this was an isolated incident I wouldn't care either way, so I didn’t want to direct this rant at anyone in particular. It’s more to do with a tendency, primarily (as far as I can tell) from fans who haven’t had much contact with Chinese culture, to oversimplify Meng Shi and make her relationship with Meng Yao slightly disturbing, and I think part of it is due to CQL basically cutting out her entire storyline (so fans simply don’t have info about her to assess her fairly) and part is due to misunderstanding what a good parent is supposed to act like in the context of Ancient China.

[Of course, Ancient China is not a very useful historical concept, not any more than “ye olde Europe” - things change a lot based on time and place - but you know. It’s fantasy. Extremely broad trends are okay in this case.]

Anyway, the idea behind the posts I mentioned is, basically, that Meng Shi (usually through no fault of her own) is to blame for Meng Yao’s obsession with power, since his desire for approval was inherited from lessons she taught him. Just to start with, I’d argue that Meng Yao isn’t power-hungry as much as he craves security and respect, but that’s a different meta. Let’s assume that she really did teach him to be Like That. Was she wrong to do so? I’m not looking for “does that make for a happy, well-adjusted childhood?” or “would you raise your own son as Meng Shi did?” - I’m trying to figure out, would she have been considered a bad mother in the context of the society she lived in? I don’t think she would’ve.

It is surprisingly hard to find texts about the obligations of parents in Ancient China. Their main obligation is to raise filial children, but I feel like that’s not very useful: whether or not parents are good parents, children are expected to be filial, so a child being filial really says more about the child than about the parent. Maybe the parent completely missed the mark and society at large was what taught the child to be filial!

We can assume, of course, that parents were to raise good people, and that by learning what a good person looked like, we could figure out whether the parent was successful, but once again, I feel like that’s pinning things on the outcome, not on the process - the best of parents can end up with an awful kid and vice versa.

While thinking about all this, it took me a frankly embarrassing amount of time to remember the story of Mother Meng and Meng Zi, but once I did, it wouldn’t leave my mind - in part because the Meng here is the exact same Meng of Meng Shi and Meng Yao (yay! fun if useless parallel!), and in part because this is a story about how a woman can successfully raise a son by herself.

Okay, so important note: one of the most influential ancient Chinese thinkers is Meng Zi (孟子 Mèng Zǐ), who is known in the West as Mencius. If you've never heard of him - he's perhaps second in importance only to Confucius. When Mencius was still a young child, his father died, so he was raised by his mother, who is usually known only as Mother Meng (in Chinese, 孟母 Mèng Mǔ.)

Mother Meng's story is told in Biographies of Exemplary Women (列女傳 Liènǚ Zhuàn), which for around 2000 years beginning around the 18th century BCE, was the most commonly used book used to educate women. The book is divided into sections, each one showing a different way women could be honorable and good. Mother Meng's story is told in the Maternal Models section (母儀傳 Mǔ Yí Zhuàn.) The story has a few parts, some of which I'll quote, always from Kinney's 2014 translation.

Before I go on to quote it, though, I'd like to establish that Mother Meng's story is so, so famous that even if Meng Shi had never read this particular book, I'm almost certain she would've been familiar with at least the outlines of Mother Meng's story. I'm not cherry picking a suitable chapter from the book, I'm literally going with the most famous story in it because Meng Shi would be most likely to know this one if she knew no other story.

Okay, the first part of the tale takes place when Mencius is a young boy and Mother Meng is a widow raising him.

The mother of Meng Ke of Zou [a different name for Mencius] was called Mother Meng. She lived near a graveyard. During Mencius’ youth, he enjoyed playing among the tombs, romping about pretending to prepare the ground for burials. Mother Meng said, “This is not the place to raise my son.” She therefore moved away and settled beside the marketplace. But there he liked to play at displaying and selling wares like a merchant. Again Mother Meng said, “This is not the place to raise my son,” and once more left and settled beside a school. There, however, he played at setting out sacrificial vessels, bowing, yielding, entering, and withdrawing. His mother said, “This, indeed, is where I can raise my son!” and settled there. When Mencius grew up, he studied the Six Arts, and finally became known as a great classicist. A man of discernment would say, “Mother Meng was good at gradual transformation.”

According to the translator's footnote, "gradual transformation" is "a childrearing technique, whereby a child is morally formed through daily exposure to correct models of behavior."

From this story comes the proverb 孟母三遷 (Mèng Mǔ sān qiān) - "Mother Meng moved three times." It's come to mean that a parent - especially the mother of a male child - should spare no efforts to provide an environment that will give their child a good education, paying particular attention to what models are surrounding them.

I'm sure I don't need to say if Meng Shi was at all familiar with this proverb (and she would probably be), she must have been very stressed out over literally raising her son in a brothel. (Here I must mention sex workers in ancient China were often essentially owned by the brothels, so literally "moving three times" wasn't really an option for Meng Shi even if she could miraculously pick up another trade.) Meng Shi did however at least try to surround Meng Yao with the accomplishments appropriate for the son of a cultivator:

Xiao-Meng, are you still learning those things lately? [...] The things your mom wants you to learn, things like calligraphy, etiquette, swordsmanship, meditation… How are those things going? [...] His mom’s raising him as a young master of a wealthy family. She taught him how to read and write, bought him all those swordsmanship pamphlets, and even wants to send him to school.

Meng Yao actually talks a little bit about “those swordsmanship pamphlets” in the only time in canon he directly shares memories about this mother:

Lan XiChen, “Your [guqin] skills are also considered quite fine outside of Gusu. Were they taught by your mother?”

Jin GuangYao, “No. I taught myself by watching others. She never taught me such things. She only taught me reading and writing, and bought a handful of expensive sword and cultivation guides for me to practice.”

Lan XiChen seemed surprised, “Sword and cultivation guides?”

Jin GuangYao, “Brother, you haven’t seen them before, have you? Those small booklets sold by the common folk. First jumbled sketches of human figures, then deliberately mystified captions.”

Lan XiChen shook his head, smiling. Jin GuangYao shook his head as well, “All of them are scams, especially to fool women like my mother and ignorant children. You won’t lose anything by practicing them, but you definitely won’t gain anything either.”

He sighed in a rueful way, “But how could my mother have known this? She bought them no matter how expensive they were, saying that if I returned to see my father in the future, I had to see him with as much competence as possible so that I don’t fall behind. All of the money was spent on this.”

See what’s happening? Meng Shi cannot physically take Meng Yao to cultivators, but she spares no efforts in giving him the closest thing she possibly can -- figuratively, we might say she moved three times.

Of course, these booklets don’t work, but as Meng Yao says, how could she have known this? The cultivation world is very closed off - think of how the entire Mo household gathers to see Lan juniors, and how Wei Wuxian mentions once that “Cultivation families, in the eyes of common folk, are like people favored by God, mysterious yet noble.” Not just noble, but mysterious. That tracks, too - I mean, they live in inaccessible households and mostly leave to night hunt or visit each other, neither of which is an activity that would allow commoners to get much more than an occasional glimpse of them.

Now, if Meng Shi doesn’t even know that a pearl for Jin Guangshan was just a trinket, if she doesn’t know even the wealth of a major sect, how can she read booklets and decide whether that’s genuine cultivation or not? All that she sees is a chance for Meng Yao to be surrounded by the ideas and skills of the people she wants him to emulate - cultivators - and therefore she does everything she can to get him that chance. Mother Meng moved three times.

Okay, but maybe the argument is not “Meng Shi shouldn’t have pushed Meng Yao to cultivation” but rather “she should’ve pushed him, just not too hard." To that, I present another tale from Mencius' childhood:

Once, when Mencius was young, he returned home after finishing his lessons and found his mother spinning. She asked him, “How far did you get in your studies today?” Mencius replied, “I’m in about the same place as I was before.” Mother Meng thereupon took up a knife and cut her weaving. Mencius was alarmed and asked her to explain. Mother Meng said, “Your abandoning your study is like my cutting this weaving. A man of discernment studies in order to establish a name and inquires to become broadly knowledgeable. By this means, when he is at rest, he can maintain tranquility and when he is active, he can keep trouble at a distance. If now you abandon your studies, you will not escape a life of menial servitude and will lack the means to keep yourself from misfortune. How is this different from weaving and spinning to eat? If one abandons these tasks midway, how can one clothe one’s husband and child and avoid being perpetually short of food? If a woman abandons that with which she nourishes others and a man is careless about cultivating his virtue, if they don’t become brigands or thieves, then they will end up as slaves or servants.” Mencius was afraid. Morning and evening he studied hard without ceasing. He served Zisi [a great scholar whose grandfather was Confucius] as his teacher and then became one of the most renowned classicists in the world.

Notice that Mother Meng moved three times to ensure Mencius would have the highest of aspirations - to become a scholar. But just aspiration isn’t enough. Not by any means. Now that Mencius is actually studying, Mother Meng is willing to take an extreme action to ensure he's taking it seriously. Mencius doesn't have a father to smooth his path to success. He has to learn that aspiring to greatness isn't enough. He'll have to put in the effort as if his life depended on it. And if he doesn't persist in his hard work, everything he's done thus far will be useless. Sounds like a lesson imparted on young Meng Yao, doesn’t it?

A lot of fandom rage towards Meng Shi would apply to China's Best Mom Contender, Mother Meng. She gives her son big dreams, and teaches him how to go about achieving them in a society where failing is easier than succeeding. Yes, it's fair to say that Meng Shi taught Meng Yao to refuse to settle for anything less than being “Jin Guangshan's son, a respected cultivator.” Yes, it's also fair to say that she probably didn't allow him much time to play like children his age did. But unfortunately, in the world of MDZS, poor children probably wouldn't get to play anyhow, the difference is that they'd usually be working, not studying. Studying is a privilege! It’s a privilege Meng Yao could not afford but was given to him anyway, through his mother’s many sacrifices. We can even say that while she was alive, Meng Shi was trying to ensure Meng Yao would one day have a better life, at the expense of a fun childhood - and that's very Mother Meng of her, whatever our modern Western sensibilities might have to say about that.

Finally, I’d skip other tales (which show Mother Meng and an adult Mencius) and go straight to the poem that ends the Mother Meng section:

The mother of Mencius

Was able to teach, transform, judge, and discriminate.

With skill she selected a place to raise her son,

Prompting him to accord with the great principles.

When her son’s studies did not advance,

She cut her weaving to illustrate her point.

Her son then perfected his virtue;

His achievements rank as the crowning glory of his generation.

I’d like to focus on the last verse - “His achievements rank as the crowning glory of his generation.” All that Mother Meng wanted was for Mencius to not completely ruin his life, but he became great. You can so very easily see a parallel with how Meng Shi hoped Meng Yao would be a cultivator but he became Jin Guangyao, Chief Cultivator, styled Lianfang-zun, one of the Three Venerable, hero of the Sunshot Campaign.

Of course you can say “Jin Guangyao did many Very Wrong Things to get there, though!” Which, sure, okay, fair point. How many and how wrong depends on which canon we're discussing, and your own interpretation, but there’s no version of the story in which Jin Guangyao is 100% an innocent child uwu. But blaming that on Meng Shi is just... straight up weird? I don’t see anyone going “If Jiang Fengmian hadn’t adopted Wei Wuxian, he’d never have dared become Yiling Laozu!” and that’s pretty much the same logic. Would street kid Wei Wuxian have invented a new type of cultivation if he had never been taken in by the Jiang? Probably not, but raising undead armies is very much not something Jiang Fengmian could’ve predicted. In the same way, how could Meng Shi have predicted that teaching her pre-adolescent son “You are the son of a cultivator, act like one and earn your place in society” would’ve ultimately resulted in innocent deaths? How could she predict “You’re not destined to having the same horrible life I did, you can get something better than this” was a bad thing to teach? I quite honestly don’t know.

Finally, I'd like to point towards a much flimsier evidence that Meng Shi did great as a parent. And that is Meng Yao’s love. Nie Huaisang at some point comments Meng Shi is someone who Meng Yao "cherishes more than his life," and I think his assessment is correct.

Even putting aside the fact he built a whole temple to get his mother to reincarnate into a better life, and even putting aside how he refuses to flee the country without her remains, there's still crystal clear evidence that Meng Shi must've done something right. Because a lifetime of people using his mother to bully him doesn't seem to have made Meng Yao resent her. Had their relationship not have been very strong, odds are he'd feel bitter and/or ashamed of her. That doesn't seem to be the case. He's attached to her even decades after her death.

I want to be very careful with equating mutual affection with good parenting, though. When I was a rather rebellious teenager, my mother (in typical Chinese fashion) used to say that parents and children don't have to love each other as long as they're dutiful to each other, by which she meant that a parent-child relationship isn't informed by warm and fuzzy feelings, but by whether you'd be willing to do anything for each other. Specific to my case, she meant "I don't care if it makes you hate me, you will do as you're told because that's what's best for you." (That may also be the reason why people more familiar with Chinese culture see the Jiang family less as outright abusive and more as #complicated, but that's another meta.)

Whether your kid wants to hug you every time they see you is of no consequence to traditional Chinese thought - raising them to be the best they can is all that matters, because at the end of the day, you won't be around forever, but you can definitely set up your kid's life so that it goes smoothly and virtuously. How that's accomplished varies depending on many factors, but to have the goal be "I want my child to love me" rather than "I want to raise my child right" would've been considered selfish as hell.

So even if all that Meng Shi had given Meng Yao had been stern lessons about the need to go get his birthright, she would've still have been considered a good mother!! In fact, she would've been doing everything she was supposed to do, under extremely difficult conditions! (Remember the importance of environment? That Meng Yao grew up to want to be a cultivator despite having probably never even met one speaks wonders about Meng Shi's childrearing powers!!)

But just based off how over the top Meng Yao's filal dutifulness is, I'd go a step further and say that even as she did the impossible, she was also loving enough to inspire genuine affection. This is complicated because children who have present fathers could expect their mothers to be tender with them. The first century BCE text 禮記 Lǐ Jì or The Classic of Rites says that:

Here now is the affection of a father for his sons - he loves the worthy among them, and places on a lower level those who do not show ability; but that of a mother for them is such, that while she loves the worthy, she pities those who do not show ability - the mother deals with them on the ground of affection and not of showing them honour; the father, on the ground of showing them honour and not of affection.

But when the father figure is lacking for any reason, the mother must abandon her tenderness because someone must guide the child, and without a father, the role falls to the mother. A single or widowed mother had to be very careful to not smother their children with affection and raise useless, spoiled kids, or so it was thought. (The presence of Qingheng-jun and Lan Qiren is why Madame Lan can be so affectionate with the Lan boys, by the way - if she was raising them by herself she would've been expected to be much more practical. AUs where she just gets her kids and runs away could do very cool things with this idea. But I digress!)

Where was I? Oh, okay. Because Meng Yao seems to not just respect, but actively miss her, it seems that Meng Shi somehow managed to deal with her son on the ground of both honor and affection, to paraphrase.

So basically, all things considered, it seems not only would Meng Shi have been considered a great mom (if people could look past her being a prostitute, anyway) but she also went above and beyond the bare minimum. She truly spared no efforts on any front to make sure her son had everything your average gongzi would have - someone to teach him and someone to love him, access to education and confidence in his birthright. That she couldn't actually make him a cultivator, that she couldn't actually raise him in a proper home with no one being cruel to herself or him - that's immaterial. Even Mother Meng couldn't control what her neighbors did, only what she taught her son! The key point is Meng Shi tried. She did everything she could to educate her son right. You couldn't ask more of her, and quite honestly, you should probably be asking less.

Of course we can't err on the other extreme and say she was Perfect. Given MXTX only ever writes flawed characters, we can safely assume that if we'd known more about Meng Shi, we would've seen many flaws. Indeed, just the fact she didn't teach Meng Yao the guqin when he apparently wanted to learn it might point to some conflict we don't know enough to speculate about (maybe she focused too much on cultivation when Meng Yao's interests lay elsewhere? Maybe she wasn't able to sufficiently shelter him and he felt it'd be a burden to ask her to teach him anything? Maybe maybe maybe, go wild with your fics.) Nevertheless, I would never hold a female character to a higher ideal than a male character - if the male cast of MDZS can be a hot mess and still be admirable for what they're trying to do, then so can Meng Shi.

At the end of the day, when I look at Meng Shi - and I've made myself a document with all the references to her in the novel canon so I could easily contemplate her life and character - all I see is a woman every bit as determined and resourceful as her son, willing to do everything it took to raise her little boy into the sophisticated and ambitious man he became.

Finally, here's a fun little parallel that I'm 100% sure was unintentional but I still love. I said Meng Shi couldn't have moved three times. She couldn't, but I think maybe she taught her son he was worth moving three times for. Qinghe Nie. Qishan Wen. Lanling Jin. Isn't that super fun to think about?

Alternatively, tl;dr: Oh My God I Can't Believe We're Blaming Women For The Actions Of Their Adult Children In The Year Of Our Lord 2k21, Meng Shi Was Doing Her Best, Chill!

[chibinekochan]

i heard you were taking luke request so i came at the speed mammon running from luci! 🏃🏽‍♀️💨

so here’s my proposition! you know how luke kinda dislikes being treated as a child even though he’s thousands of years old. so what if after one day of everyone babying him he completely gets fed up and starts his rebellion phase. dad!simeon doesn’t know what to do. so it’s MC to the rescue!

Haha, somehow I can see that happening. Such a teen thing to do.

One day Simeon calls you in distress.

He seems pretty upset. "I have a huge issue. Please come over right away."

You have never heard him like this before. "Did something happen? Should I bring support?" You wonder what kind of emergency happened to make Simeon sound so out of it.

"It's easier to explain in person, just please come." Simeon is in honest distress.

"I'm coming right away." You don't know what is up, but Simeon needs support so you brace yourself for whatever might happened.

You practically run over to his room.

It looks like a bomb exploded, a lot of stuff is scattered everywhere on the ground. It's a big mess.

"What happened? Was there a burglary?" You are very surprised by the sight.

Simeon looks like he is close to tears. "No, it's even worse." He seems to be barely able to speak.

"Okay, you sit down and I make a cup of tea and you can tell me what happened." You feel like it's best to have Simeon calm down first.

"That sounds lovely but we have no time for that. You see Luke did this and just stormed out. It's honestly my fault." Simeon sighs. "I think I have been too hard on him lately or maybe I baby him too much… I don't know but lately Luke has been very difficult to handle. I just don't know what to do anymore." Simeon is very distraught by what Luke did.

"He just threw everything around? That doesn't sound like him." You can't even imagine Luke being this upset.

Simeon sighs deeply again. "I know he is usually such a sweet boy but I guess he grew up faster than I realized and now he entered into a new phase and I'm frankly lost." He looks at you with pleading eyes.

"So you want me to go to him and talk to him?" You can only imagine this is why he called you over.

"Yes, please. I'm so lost I just want everything to be normal again and you have lots of experience with difficult people so you are the only person I can count on." He looks at you with puppy eyes.

"I will talk to him and see what is up, but I won't make any promises." You can understandSimeon’ss struggle and want to at least try to make everything better.

"Thank you very much. I will start cleaning this mess." Simeon smiles lightly at you.

"Luke should clean this mess. Not you. That will only teach him the wrong lesson." You think Luke should fix his own mistakes.

Simeon nods. "You are right. I just want to make it better between us."

"You should have a long conversation with him after cleaning up and having dinner." You know having difficult conversations is best after all basic needs are met.

"I will take that suggestion, thank you." Simeon still looks a bit lost, but at least he has a plan.

You go and look for Luke, who is in the living room.

He is still on the edge, it seems. Even his clothing style has changed.

Luke clearly tries to look more adult.

"Hey, Luke. A nice shirt you have there." You try to start with a neutral topic.

He slightly glares at you. "Thanks."

"Where did you buy it? I'd love to get something similar." You sit down across from him.

"I got it from akuzon, but it sold out." Luke seems to open up a little bit.

"Aww, that's a bummer. It looks great though." You sigh and take a glass and fill it with some water.

"Simeon didn't like it at all." Luke pouts.

"Really? I think it suits you well." You seem to get closer to the issue at the core.

"He just doesn't get me at all." Luke sighs.

"That's normal. He is not used to you growing up. Many things change now for you. I have been there myself. I was a big goth in my teen years." You giggle slightly.

"Really? That's unexpected. I thought you were always like you are now." Luke seems surprised.

"I bet Simeon changed a lot too. Maybe Lucifer can share some stories about his youth with you sometime. I bet Simeon did a ton of embarrassing things." You giggle at the thought.

"He is just seeing me as a small kid. I never get to do what I want." Luke grimaces.

"Simeon is like a parent to you so I get it. Parents only want your best but they don't always do the best. Simeon isn't perfect either, he makes mistakes, but he is also a good guy. You can talk to him." You try to encourage Luke.

Luke casts his eyes down. "Have you ever done anything bad that made them angry at you?"

You laugh. "Of course. You wouldn't believe the arguments we had. I was stubborn and they just didn't get me."

Luke looks at you wide-eyed. "You too?"

"I'd say that's pretty normal." You shrug.

"What about now? Are you guys okay?" Luke looks at you worried.

"Of course, better than ever. We all grew together and now we have a good relationship. There were many talks and they still don't get all of my interests but that's alright. I don't get all of their interest either. But we all have stuff we enjoy doing together." You smile at Luke.

"So umm what did you do when you messed up?" Luke shifts around.

"When I felt bad I apologized and if I could I tried to fix it." You think back on the many times that happened.

"Did they hate you for it?" Luke looks at you with curious eyes.

"No, they were mad, and sometimes I got punished, but we always talked about it after we all cooled down. Sometimes I learned my lesson and sometimes I didn't, at least not the first time. But still in the end we forgave each other." You chuckle thinking of how hard-headed you could be.

Luke still doesn't seem to be able to see your teenage self." You really did some growing up, didn't you? "

"Yeah, it's hard to believe I know. Seeing how awesome I'm now." You giggle.

Luke rolls his eyes. "Come on. You aren't that awesome."

"Aww but I deal with demons on a daily basis." You play along with the light banter.

"That's true. I think I gotta go now." Luke seems to be ready to go and clean up.

"Alright then, just know I'm ready to talk whenever. If you get to your emo phase, come right to me. I still got some clothes and music." You give him a slight smile.

"I don't think that will be necessary." Luke seems slightly annoyed by my comment.

You shrug. "Your loss. I have to go and listen to some of that stuff now." You giggle a bit.

Luke sighs. "I got some cleaning to do. See you later."

You return to your room and in the evening you get a text from Simeon thanking you.

Apparently, they both apologized. Luke cleaned everything and made dinner. They both talked about everything for a long time.

It seems like things are better again.

My Obey me! Masterlist

[jamiedc-they-them]

One way ticket (Platonic)

Requested Imagine: An argument with your parents sends you to your best friend, and on a journey of self discovery. 

The door to your house swung open, and a tired you walked in through it. You closed the door, your back resting against it as you closed your eyes. Today had been a hard day, lots of studying and deadlines.

However, part of the weariness now came from being at home. It was something you weren’t exactly thrilled by.

 “Evening, dear.” Your mother called from the kitchen, your step father barely paying you any attention.

 “Hi, mum.” You greeted in return. She gave you a smile. If it was your old dad, he would’ve said something.

 But, they just had to fall out, didn’t they.

 In your room, filled with posters of films and large posters of book covers and your favourite characters, you sunk into your bed, back hitting it first and you exhaled. For once, a moment of peace.

 Your phone vibrated, and your reached for it. You saw the caller ID, and smiled.

 “Dickhead.” She greeted in her usual manner. You could practically hear the smile on the other end.

 “Maeve.” You weren’t as creative with the nicknames, but she didn’t care.

 “Tough day?” She asked, there was some softer part to her tone there.

 You let out a breath, “In a way.” Was your cryptic answer.

 It wasn’t, however, cryptic to her, “Parents again?”

 “They haven’t done anything yet.”

 “That ‘yet’ is the concerning part, Y/N,” As she spoke, you heard the door to her home unlock. She was home too, “If they’re giving you any trouble, you call me, ok? Spend the night at mine. Nothing wrong with taking a break. Or just walking away” She assured you as you heard her keys hit the counter.

 You always were a bit envious of your best friend, how carefree she was. If only your father didn’t cheat, maybe the month long that turned into a forever long break wouldn’t have happened.

 “Yeah, he was a bit of a prick for doing that, wasn’t he?” Maeve’s voice was softer still when she spoke. Seemed you said some parts of that out loud.

 You paused, hearing call up to you from downstairs, “That’s dinner. I’ll call you later.”

 There was silence, she must’ve nodded and then remembered she was on the phone, “Yeah, sure thing.”

“So, son, how was school?” Internally, you cringed at the misgender, but didn’t correct your father. More importantly, neither did your mother. They had made their voices known on that want of yours, to go by something else, something they called a “none entity.”

 “Good, yeah, thanks.” You answered, going back to your food.

 “That it?” He asked, making you look up at him.

 “Is what it?” It wasn’t meant to be a challenge.

 He took it as one, though, staring you down as he spoke, “Was school just, ‘good’?”

 “Yeah, I mean nothing really happened, mum can attest to that.” You answered, trying to be careful with your word choice. Your father’s choice of words explaining his action was what caused the break.

 He looked to his wife, and she nodded, confirming it.

 “You been hanging around with your friends?” You nodded, “They still…preferring to go by the plurals?” Again, you nodded, “Youth of today, doomed, I swear.”

 “Because you don’t like a pronouns?” Ok, you shouldn’t have said that, and you immediately regretted it right after as there was a pause. It was sharp, and it was a direct pause.

 Your father stopped eating and looked to you, “Excuse me?”

 “I’m sorry, I –” You started to apologise. But you knew you had crossed a line.

 You were in your room the next moment, having ran up there yourself to escape your fathers growing wrath.

 You found your phone, dialling the number you needed instantly, “Maeve – I… I don’t –“

 “What’s happened? Are you safe?” Was the first thing your friend asked, concern leaking through the phone.

 “I don’t – I…I think Mum’s calming him down. But--”

 “You know the bridge?” You nodded, and Maeve seemed to know that you had nodded, “Meet me there.”

 “What?”

 “Meet me there.”

 “Can…can I stay the night?” You asked. You heard her door open and close, and her breathing became more laboured as she walked.

 “Of course you can.” She answered.

 “Ok, bridge, right?”

 “Bridge.”

“Ok, see you there.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You had nothing with you, just yourself. You didn’t even have a jacket. You were still in your school clothes, but the night was cold.

 Maeve was there, just as she said she would be. When you saw her, she was smoking, but eyes were scanning the water.

 She heard you approaching, and turned to you. Her eyes softened at your figure. You probably looked lonely, and you looked anxious. You were.

 She approached you when you stopped, bringing your timid figure into a hug. She didn’t say anything, she just held you.

 You appreciated it massively, how she didn’t say anything, just hugged you.

 It lasted a few seconds, but when she released you, you were teary eyed. You were scared, but you weren’t alone. You were scared still.

 She gave you a sympathetic smile, “Let’s go home.” She said, arm looping into yours and bringing you with her to her home. Yours was behind you, not too far away.

 Unlocking the door, she opened it up and ushered you in, closing the door behind the door and flicking on the light and taking off her jacket.

 “Do you want something to eat?” She seemed to just know without ever being told the circumstance you were in. It made you feel for your friend, wondering how she was able to just know what you had gone through.

 She grabbed a spare plate, filling it with the Chinese food she had picked up on the way home.

Together, you both sat on the couch, eating in silence. She didn’t seem to mind, but she did curl up, feet touching your own.

 “Thank you,” She looked to you at your words, “For this, I mean. Thank you.”

 She smiled, “Anytime. I know what it’s like to have shitty parents.” She said, despite the attempt of humour, you detected the sadness that was there.

 “Sorry.”

 She shook her head, “You have nothing to be sorry for.” She told you. You both went back to eating, but she did grab a blanket for you both.

 When you were done, you just started venting. You didn’t even mean to, it just all started to spill out. The whole time, she did not speak, she only let you talk and vent and rage about it all.

 There were tears, your own tears as you spoke. Maeve passed you a new tissue every so often as you spoke.

 “I’m sorry, Y/N. I really am. You can stay here as long as you –”

 “It’ll just be for tonight, I’ll go back tomorrow.” She looked like she wanted to say something, but nodded in granting and respecting your wish.

 “You can have the bed.” She said, and your eyes met her’s in an instant.

 “No, Maeve –”

 She held up a hand to stop you, “I’m not arguing about this, Y/N. I don’t mind you going back tomorrow, but if you’re staying, then you take the bed.”

 “…Why?”

 She rolled her eyes, “Because I know how to be comfy on that sofa. Besides, can’t have my best mate here and have them be uncomfortable, can I?”

 You resigned yourself to your fate, going to the bedroom, but not before you both shared another hug.

 As you went to bed, you saw a piece of paper on the floor. Picking it up, it was a form to be a guardian, but the name was blank as to who it was. So, you just left it.

 You woke up in your school clothes, you hadn’t exactly had time to change. But ‘school clothes’ you were wearing a smarter shirt than usual and some jeans.

 Maeve entered your room, toothbrush in her mouth, “Morning.” She said, even if it wasn’t as clear as it could’ve been, what with the toothbrush and all.

 “Morning.” You said in return, getting out of bed.

 She spat into the sink, before leaning against the doorway, “You can borrow some of my clothes. I’ll make sure they aren’t too embarrassing.” She said, lightly, before going to the drawer to find just that.

 “Might as well go out, right?” You joked, referencing to the opinion your parents had on your identity.

 She laughed, “If you’re up for it.”

 “Mum will say what she says, but I can’t let her define me, try and make her understand it.”

 Maeve just nodded, but there was some conflict there.

 Your mother worked at school, she was a science teacher – it was where her view on your identity came from.

 You had her today on the schedule, you liked science enough, but you knew this would be an…awkward session.

 Maeve had walked with you. She had called Aimee and told her she would be with you today, and the other woman understood, giving you her love. So, arm looped in yours, Maeve and you entered school.

 “First period, you ready?” She asked, putting her head on your shoulder for a moment as you continued going down the hallway to the lesson. You ignored the looks from people in the hallway. Otis had his mother to contend with, now so did you.

 “As I can be.” You answered honestly. As you got the doorway, she gave you a wink, before she went in first. After a few moments, so did you.

 It was to make your mother think anything other than the fact that you had gone to Maeve for help.

 As you went to your seat, you felt your mother’s eyes on you the whole way. When she went back to teaching, you saw that she had a slight darkness under her eyes. She had stayed up. A feeling stirred in your stomach. However, you went back to looking at the lesson.

 You did pay attention, just not all the time. Sometimes, you’d find yourself writing notes or just looking them up yourself in the textbook, just to avoid looking at your mothers gaze.

 However, as the bell rang, you were one of the last to leave. The other, was Maeve. She sat on the desk, legs swinging as she looked between yourself and your mum.

 She never hated your mum, or your dad. They had their flaws, but it was mainly their apathy to who you wanted to be that pissed her off.

 Still, she didn’t voice it, which was something that was unusual for her.

 Your mother looked up at you as you put a book on her desk. You looked nervous, eyes darting a little, but you managed to get the words out, even throwing a bit of humour in with your tone.

 “Parlay?” Behind you, once she approached, Maeve smiled a bit, before it turned a little bit – just a little – more threatening to your mother, a warning.

 As stated before, she didn’t hate your mum, just hated the discomfort it caused you.

 “He’s not angry, not now anyway. If anything, a little impressed.” Your mother said. The little amount of praise, despite it being so little, stirred something within you.

 Maeve saw how your shoulders relaxed a little. How you seemed to almost not expect it, but be deeply appreciative of it at the same time. She made a mental note, and her smile became more sympathetic.

 “Talk about it at dinner?” You asked, your mother nodded.

 “Talk about it at dinner,” She said, standing up and packing her own bag to leave for the teachers lounge, “And I can finally meet this girlfriend of yours.” You sighed, seemed you wouldn’t be able to fully escape their ideas yet.

 As she left, you turned to Maeve with your eyebrows up, but a tired expression on your face.

 “Dinner?” She asked, light smile on your face.

You laughed, putting your hands to your face before moving them around and interlocking them at the back of your head, you smiled at your friend, “Dinner.” You confirmed.

 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 You had gone back to Maeve’s place without her. She had something to do with the clinic, which you understood and so she gave you her keys, telling you only to leave the door unlocked for her.

 So, it was just you, alone in the home. You actually looked around it now, seeing the little things, like how the cups were stacked neatly, how the plates had been washed. She took care of this place, she cared for it. It was a shithole, but she stayed and looked after it.

 If she stayed and managed to make this place work, maybe you had hope with your parents just yet.

 Your thoughts went back to them, your parents. Maybe you had been too hasty, maybe they’d just accept you back with open arms. Maybe, for once, they’d be sorry. You had stood up to your father, that was new.

 Maybe you’d still have a place to go.

 The door opened, and Maeve entered, she tossed her bag onto the sofa and took her jacket off, giving you a smile as she saw you getting a drink.

 “Sorry I took so long, Otis held me up.” She said, gently moving you aside and doing the same – getting a drink – for herself.

 “It’s alright, he’s a good guy but can…I don’t know.” You conceded, not really knowing how to explain your other friend – a mutual one of yours.

 “Much?” She filled, you nodded.

 “Please don’t make a scene tonight.” Your friend took a sip of her water and looked at you, almost a little taken aback by your words. You further explained, “I need to go well, Maeve, please. I can’t have it turn into another row. I can’t have another uncomfortable breakfast, again.”

 Maeve stopped you, “Wait, ‘again’? Your staying?!” She couldn’t stop the surprise that one.

 You cocked your head, “Course I am. Why wouldn’t I? They’re my parents –”

 “Not good ones.” She pointed out.

 “They aren’t the worst.”

 Again, she couldn’t help herself, “They aren’t exactly the best either,” She sighed, putting her glass down and approaching you, putting her hands on your shoulders, before using one hand to cup your chin and turn it up to face her, “You are so much better without them, Y/N. They don’t accept you for who you are. I’m sure in some way they love you, just like my mum did. But, you know what I did.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement, you did know what she had done.

 Part of you resented her for having the strength to do it. Still, you insisted, “I can’t just drop them like that, Maeve…How would I fund school? What about rent and –”

 “We’d figure it out –”

 Now it was you stopping her, or more so talking over her at her first word, “’We’?”

 She creased her eyebrows, “Yeah, ‘we’, you think I’d just leave you if you did it?” She almost seemed hurt at the accusation she was now accusing you of.

 “I just – I don’t think I can do that. I don’t even know how.” You confessed, voice sounding tired.

 “I do, I know how,” Maeve assured as she nodded a few times, “It’s called ‘emancipation’.”

 As she went to explain, the alarm on your phone went off. Looking at it, you saw it was a half hour reminder to get to your house for the dinner.

 “Just…please don’t mess this up for me…please.” Was all you asked of your best friend.

 Her eyes softened at the pain, the loss, and the fear that laid within them. She had more on her mind, more she wanted to say, you could see that clear as day. Still, she nodded, and said nothing.

 You stood outside your door with your best friend by your side. You had walked together in silence, both trying to prepare as much as you could for this event. The main thing you had said to the other being that you looked nice. You both did, you in your normal clothes, Maeve in a dress. She had even redone her makeup.

 You saw that hurt in her eye hadn’t fully left, but there was an almost apathetic look now. She was here to help you, not to appease your parents who she had plenty to say on.

 You knocked, the door opening and your father stood there in smart, but causal wear. Seemed he’d put some effort into it too. Out of the pair, your mother had the better job, but it didn’t matter. Job meant nothing to how you were as a person.

 He didn’t say anything, he only moved aside as a silent beckoning to enter. You both did so.

 Maeve took time to look around. She didn’t comment, just looked around. She then met your eyes, a bit of life returning and you saw them soften a little, she raised her eyebrows; “Fancy.” Her gaze seemed to communicate to you.

 You had no idea if she meant it or not, so you just smiled a thin one, trying not to show your nerves. Maeve, however, was good at reading people. So, as you went to the table in silence, she held your hand to provide some comfort.

 However, as you both sat at the table, you saw your mother had seen the hand holding in a different light. Of course she did.

 You saw her have a look on her eyes, almost a proud look. You felt Maeve tighten her hold on your hand, trying to supress a sense of frustration. It did pain you a little, but you tried not to show it. This was redemption with your parents, not a further regress.

 Still, she didn’t say anything, she remembered the promise she made. And Maeve Wiley was not one to break a promise…to the best of her ability.

 “So, you’re the mysterious Maeve we’ve been hearing all about?” Your mother asked as your father put food on the table. No, the irony was not lost on you.

 Maeve looked to you, a silent dialogue going between you two. However, your communication was clear, “I’ve never mention you to them.” She knew it wasn’t in a mean way, just wanted confirmation.

 She nodded, “Yeah, that’s me.” She said, bullshit smile on her face. The smile, however, eased your mother – hell, even doing the same to your father, for once he smiled and it was genuine.

 You envied it. But, as you put your hands on the table, Maeve held one. To your parents, it meant the opposite to what it actually was, she gave your hand a squeeze.

 “One step closer to being a man, my lad.” Your mother hadn’t been lying when she told you your father was proud. Christ.

 You looked at your father with the same distaste you always had for him, but now it was less easy to mask.

 So far, no food had been touched by anyone other than your mother.

 “See? Even got the look.” He seemed to celebrate your hatred. Not revel in it, just celebrate it.

 “’The look’?” You parroted back to him in a questioning manner.

 “Yeah, every man needs –”

 “Y/N doesn’t identify as a man, though.” Maeve spoke up. You moved your hands down to your side, keeping your eyes only on your best friend. You shook your head, begging her not to.

 She, however, only kept her eyes on your father, a challenging and daring look in her eyes, “Y/N is a they –”

 “Not this bollocks again. He got you doing it now, too.” Your father’s tone was filled with frustration.

 “Yeah, I guess they have, haven’t they?” Her eyes squinted a bit, she seemed to be daring for him to try it.

 “Let me guess, you two haven’t shagged either?” He sounded tired. Done.

 Wasn’t quite the bite Maeve was looking for, but she still took it, “Y/N doesn’t feel that way about anyone. They don’t won’t a partner in that way, and that’s just fine.”

 “It’s sick,” Your father looked to your mother, “Isn’t that right, honey?”

 She seemed to just be enjoying her food, but when your father asked, she hesitated. There were a few look in her eyes, fear wasn’t one of them, but shame was as she spoke, “Yes.” Her voice was monotone.

 “I think it’s time you leave.” Your father said, seemingly taking back control.

 However, Maeve stayed put, “Not without Y/N.” She was firm in that.

 “Get out, now, or I will call the police,” He then looked to you, “Is that why you brought her, to get it all out in the open these beliefs you have about yourself?” His tone was cold.

 “N-No.” You managed to stutter out.

 “If you lay one hand on them –”

 “Him, and I won’t. I’d never hit my boy, I just need it to get through to him that he can’t think the way he does.”

 “So, verbal then?”

 “If you want to be a snowflake, then yes, verbal.” He seemingly had no problem with saying that.

 So, Maeve stood up, and she gave you a pat on the shoulder and an apologetic look. Then, with a click of the door, she was gone.

 Silence permeated the room, and now your father had his hands on the table and his chin resting on them.

 “I don’t want you seeing her again.” Your father said, “Go to your room, I’ll bring some food up in a few minutes.”

 You didn’t say anything, only getting up from the table, “Phone.” Your father said. You brought the item out of your pocket and gave it to him, before going upstairs.

 You laid on your bed, closing your eyes and letting out a sigh. Could’ve gone better, but it definitely could’ve gone worse.

 You heard a knock at your door. You gave yourself a moment to try to get rid of the tears that were pooling in your eyes and told whoever was there to come in.

 It was your father, who was carrying a tray with a plate of food on. He placed it on the floor, before he stood at the door.

 “You know I just want what’s best for you, right?”

 It was bollocks, but you nodded, “It’s just…there are two ways of being. I’d rather you be Trans than be…this.” Harsh, but it was more honest, more controlled.

 Again, you nodded. You hated the words he said, but you nodded.

 “We’ll talk again, tomorrow.” He then left, closing the door more softly this time.

 You picked up the tray, apathetic look on your face as you ate the food. It wasn’t too bad, to be honest.

 This was your life, one filled with pain, but two parents that gave you a roof over your head.

 You heard a knock at your window, turning, you saw the last person you expected to see. It was the face of someone else who gave you a roof over your head.

 She waved to you. You put your empty plate down and looked to the door. He never did say you couldn’t leave. Then again, he also said you couldn’t be how you felt inside. So, you know.

 Quietly, you made your way to the window, opening it with her help. Neither of you spoke, but she didn’t need to, she only offered you a hand – and a silent question along with it.

 You looked to the door one more time, one that – outside of it – held only misery.

 You took the hand that was offered.

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She held your hand the whole way home, leading the way. However, this time you worked with – an admittedly – shaky confidence.

 She opened the door, going to her bed room to get her dress off. You, meanwhile, got a glass of water and sat down. You knew your dad still had your phone, but that was ok.

 Maeve re-entered, now with pyjamas on, “What’s on your mind?” She asked, seeing a look on your face that told her you had a plan.

 “Mum’s gonna be at school tomorrow. But, I’ve made my choice, I’m done with them. We just need to do that…what’d you call it, ‘emancipation?’”

 Maeve nodded, “Ok, we’ll need some papers for the court. Plus, I have this,” At ‘this’ Maeve held up her phone and hit ‘play’ it was a recording of the meal.

 It was proof.

 “Ok, you got my back?” You asked.

 “Always.” She swore.

 So, off to school you went to execute your plan. You walked to the school grounds, talking and – for once, in your case – being happy and having a sense of agency.

 You had made your request to the court and made some calls to friends, now you just had to hope your parents wouldn’t try and stop it.

 “Otis and everyone else agreed? Just like that?” You asked, only having spoken to Eric while Maeve called everyone else.

 “A noble cause worth fighting for.” She said with a smile, parroting your own one.

 You believed those words, and you believed in your own course too, you believed in your own freedom.

 Going to science, you saw your other friends now sat there, awaiting you. It started out as normal, just with you in a more positive beat.

 That was, until the bell rang and your mother asked you to stay behind. Without having to ask, your other friend stayed as well.

 “So, you’re applying for emancipation?” She asked, tone flat.

 “That’s right.” You answered, sure of your choice.

 “You know we’ll fight it, right? There’s no way you can take care of yourself out there. You can barely handle us. Besides, who else is going to take care of you?”

 You felt a presence next to you, it was Maeve. However, you felt the others behind you.

 “They will.” You said, standing strong, “And, yes, it’ll cost us, but we’ll fight it. Because it’s worth it. You were toxic to me, mum. And, I think I deserve better.”

 With that, you and your new family walked out.

  It had been a long battle, one filled with ups and downs, but the others stood by you, chipping in however they could.

 Plus, Maeve found herself with a new sibling, so that was something. It felt nice, to be validated, to have your pronouns respected and your thoughts taken on board.

 As you returned home from school one day, Maeve had left a bit earlier. You opened the door, going in and throwing your bag to the floor and laying on the couch, “Good day?” She asked, stirring the coffee she had made.

 You looked to her with a smile, “Yeah, good day.” You confirmed.

[aggressive-positivity-network]

Okay, so you said I could send an ask for headcanons about the childhoods of some specific merc(s)... I think I would really like to read your headcanons about Soldier’s and Engineer’s childhood :)

Thanks in advance and I hope your well.

Ooooh…I’ve been waiting for this! And thank you for being specific and not just saying “the rest of them.” Sometimes I get overwhelmed with nine specific mercs to write for. Your specifics are much appreciated.

****************

Soldier:

Soldier doesn’t talk very much about his childhood - whether it’s because something happened or he just doesn’t remember it, no one can tell. It’s nowhere in his file, either…he refused to do anything except tell fantastic tales of a fictional youth.

However, in a rare streak of almost lucidity, he spouted off the entirety of his younger years, much to the team’s surprise. Usually, if anyone asked directly, he changed the subject.

But now he described everything in vivid detail. And, with a bit of research from Miss Pauling, everything fell into place.

Apparently he had been born in a small military town in Georgia. His father was overseas, leaving he and his mother alone in their small yellow house.

In order to make ends meet, his mother worked at a nearby factory, mostly leaving Soldier to fend for himself and the house.

“Can you be a big, strong soldier like daddy for me?”

Soldier would always agree, finding his own food, his own entertainment, and his own friends. No matter what happened, he never bothered his mom. If anything, his job was to protect her.

That’s why, when his stomach started hurting and his arms and legs ached, he said nothing about it.

When he forgot the chores he was supposed to do and even the names of his friends, he didn’t bring it up.

When he felt tired all the time and some days could barely get out of bed, he just chalked it up to laziness like his mother did.

It turns out the factory they were next to was polluting the water next to the house with dangerous amounts of lead, which soon overcame Soldier’s immune system of steel.

He could barely remember anything anymore, and he became more and more distraught every day. Sometimes he would forget where he was and run outside, then get lost in the woods, only coming back once he remembered where he was supposed to be.

Soldier began to wear one of his father’s old helmets after his mom commented on his red eyes and the dark circles around them. He didn’t want to worry her. Besides, it helped bring back a few memories if he ever got lost again.

Finally, it got to the point where he didn’t even remember his mother, or his promise to her. He began to wander farther and farther away from home.

One day, he didn’t come back at all.

Out in the world with not a single memory to his name, Soldier wandered far and wide. He usually slept in barns and old, abandoned houses, cut off from most people.

Occasionally, he would find a family that wanted to “raise him as their own,” only to turn him away after finding him too difficult to care for.

He had frequent nightmares, ate little due to his unresolved stomach issues, and could barely walk ten feet without forgetting where he was going.

If he accidentally wandered into the same house twice, he would be chased out with either a broom or a gun - usually the latter.

He became “the demon child” in some counties, and “g*psy kid” in others, due to his long, unkempt hair, hidden eyes, and odd habits.

It even got to the point where Soldier couldn’t sleep on anyone’s property because he would be actively fought off like a wolf or a bear.

His only pleasure was an old movie theater that, as he recovered from his lead poisoning, remembered the location of and frequently snuck into.

The only thing that played were romance movies - which, like many children, Soldier hated - and war movies, which he watched over and over again with starving eyes.

Because of these movies, a single memory from his mother’s house came to him. A woman, tall and muscular from hard labor, giving him a shiny badge to hold, asking him to be a strong soldier like his father.

And thus began his life-long dream of becoming a military officer.

He trained according to what he knew from the films…which was mostly running, doing jumping jacks, and occasionally rolling around in the mud.

This only served to distance him further from his fellow human beings, but he didn’t care. Soldier had a mission, and he was going to do it well.

But the biggest change was his hair.

He had started cutting it off with sharpened rocks, but he was always saving up coins he found for a “proper army cut.”

Finally, he had quite the collection in a dirty mason jar, and marched into the barber shop in his town to ask for a haircut.

The manager was appalled, and at first refused, but Soldier stood his ground.

“Civilian, I’ll have you know that by denying a soldier with a haircut, you are denying America one of its best fighters! I can’t curdle the enemy’s blood looking like a hippie!”

After a short yelling match that, of course, Soldier won, the manager decided it would be in his best interest to comply.

He walked out of that shop with no hair on his head, but a huge grin on his face. Next stop, the ranks.

Soldier went from draft office to draft office, applying for and being denied entrance to the army for his obvious lack of mental stability.

This is when the personal retelling ended, since Soldier became very upset by the memory of his recruitment failures, but Miss Pauling concluded that he just bounced from state to state until Mann Co. found him, quote, “sitting in an alleyway, eating army draft paperwork while sobbing uncontrollably.”

Engineer:

Engineer also never really talks about his childhood, but both Medic and Spy (Spy knows everything about everyone on the team) know that’s for a good reason.

He grew up in a trailer community near an almost ghost town in Texas.

His father was an abusive car mechanic with a mean streak a mile wide and a shop full of failed inventions. His mother wasn’t any better - she was bitter and reclusive, only really coming out of her room to pick a fight with her husband.

However, what Engie lacked in family, he more than made up for in friends.

He had a rag-tag, Rugrats-esque team of pals from all walks of life: Rhapsody, the daughter of a struggling porn star; Tom, the son of two farmers wiped out by blight; Cici, an adopted girl that could barely walk into her trailer without a black eye and a string of slurs; Quinn, the nervous child of a single mother that serves as guidance to the other kids; And Fred, who didn’t seem to have any family, but had become a greaser big brother to all of them.

Together, they explored the desert near the trailer park, pooled their resources to feed and support each other, and used their individual strengths to get through each day.

Engineer, whom everyone affectionately called “Big Dell,” snuck parts from his dad’s workshop for his own creations.

By the time he was twelve, he could make a small, running engine for the soapbox cars his friends frequently raced.

No toy, piece of clothing, glasses, or tool was out of his line of expertise.

One day, though, upon finding that some of his parts were missing, Engineer’s dad gave him a terrible beating that broke a few of his fingers and left a huge gash near his eye.

Since then, he refused to fix, make, or even touch a tool.

He wouldn’t tell anyone what happened, but they could make a pretty good guess, since they knew where the scraps and parts had come from.

The whole group was furious with Engineer’s dad - their Big Dell was funny, smart, and was more loving than every family member they had combined. Even Quinn was red in the face.

They wanted to break into his dad’s workshop and destroy all of his inventions, just to teach him a lesson, but they knew Engineer would take the fall for it.

Instead, they rummaged through trash cans, searched their toy chests, and looked under their trailers to find things Engineer could use.

They waited until his birthday to unveil the massive pile of supplies they had stowed away.

Engineer immediately dropped to his knees and began to cry, and everyone else dogpiled him for a huge hug.

As the creme de la creme, they gave him a pair of welding goggles - the same welding goggles he wears to this day, having modified them so they still fit his growing body.

With his healed fingers and renewed spirit, he made each of them a gift: a toy car for Rhapsody, a skull ring for Fred, a full set of candle wax crayons for Cici, a chewable necklace for Quinn so they wouldn’t chew on their collar, and a mini-planter for Tom.

But Engineer was given the greatest gift - confidence in his own abilities and that he can be and was appreciated for more than his services.

This gave him the drive to build bigger and better things, which his friends happily assisted in creating.

Engie’s best memories are with that motley crew of scrawny, beaten-up kids.

But, as he became a teenager, the abuse grew worse by the day.

He was often kept in his dad’s garage to fix cars in sweltering heat and with nothing to show for his work except threats of what would happen if a customer complained.

His mother finally grew bitter enough to pick on him, wondering aloud and pointedly if she had made a mistake by having him, then immediately contradict herself by wailing in his arms about how she’s the most awful mother in the world, and how she would be gone soon, and then nobody would have to deal with her anymore.

Engie grew more and more distant from his friends as they either moved out, ran away, or, in Rhapsody’s case, died.

He thought of just shutting the garage door and turning on a car a couple times, but he would always return to his memories of the hidden cave of goodies his friends had collected or the many inventions they had helped him build.

It just wasn’t worth it.

On a night when his depression and self-doubt was especially bad, he decided to build a personal invention for the first time in years - a small, robotic chicken made out of bent gears and empty oil cans.

He worked on it for a few weeks, but made the mistake of leaving it on a work table once it was finished.

Engie came to work the next morning with his dad ready to chew him out. But, before any finger could be lifted against his son, he was interrupted by a sweet older couple that was having their tires replaced.

“Now, Ethan, ain’t that just the cutest thing you’ve ever seen in your life?”

“Hm?”

“That there chicken statue over there! It looks like it could very well get up and start peckin’ for worms, don’tcha think?”

Engie looked at the couple, then at his dad, then at his chicken. He slowly lifted it from the table and turned the key.

It started to slowly lean forward, then took a few steps on it’s long, spring-loaded legs. The neck went down, and the chicken’s rusty beak began to scrape at the pavement.

Now he had the husband’s attention.

“Didja build that yourself, son, or did your daddy help ya?”

Engineer looked at his dad for a split second before answering.

“My own sweat ‘n blood, sir. My daddy says I should stop wastin’ time on ugly thing-a-ma-jigs an’ put my hands to somethin’ worth doin’.”

The man smiled. “Well, this ‘ugly thing-a-ma-jig’ shows real skill. We could use somebody like you, once we train you up a bit.”

“Now hold on a damn - !” his father interjected, but was silenced with a cold stare.

“We’ll put ya through a state-of-the-art school, then put ya straight inta the work force. You can build whatever you like…and you’ll have a lot better materials than rusty tin. Whaddaya say, son?”

Engineer just nodded, and the man grabbed his hand and shook it.

“We’ll keep in touch.”

Engineer left that trailer park at age seventeen, leaving his fuming father and drunken mother behind.

He only stopped to visit Rhapsody’s grave before embarking on his new life.

There is still a stone plate with a message carved into it next to the headstone. If you brush off the leaves and dig out the moss, you can see Engie’s parting words:

“A friendship with you and the rest of the gang is the greatest thing I ever built. -Big Dell”

[confusedhost-archive]

Okay time to elaborate on the Wild Witch Lilith au bc its actually a lot more than her being. You know: a wild witch

So while Lilith’s running away is the CAUSE of these changes, Raine and Hunter are both more prominent in this as well.

Lilith messed up and was going to be petrified, but got out before they could even announce it. She becomes a wild witch but keeps in contact with Raine Whispers, a school friend, as well as one child in the Emperor’s coven: Hunter, the golden guard.

She leaves hunter a note that directs him to Raine and the two of them learn to get along (after, of course, it’s explained that Lilith allegedly left him a note. Even then, Hunter is suspicious. He didn’t know Lilith further than a nod or possibly a shared mission. But she expressed worry for him, so after a lot of time, he decided to - hesitantly - take her up on her offer to meet a friend. It will take him a while to trust them truly.)

More in a storytelling form under the cut

It’s about two months later that Lilith manages to catch Hunter at Raine’s house. She comes in through the back door and is searching lazily through her bag for the spices she apparently promised last time she intruded. Seeing Hunter makes her falter. “Ah, the golden guard.” While she doesn’t seem particularly excited, she certainly doesn’t sound upset.

Raine looks confused. “Was he not the one you gave the letter to?” 

“Oh no, he is.” Lilith says, still standing by the door. “I just didn’t particularly expect to ever really... see him.” Now she moves to the table where they’re sitting and seats herself in one of the chairs. “You won’t hand me over to the emperor, will you?”

Hunter shakes his head.

Raine elbows Lilith in the arm. “Never expected to see him? Don’t tell me you were planning on leaving me to take care of a kid alone every other Saturday?”

Any stress that Lilith may have had drains from her as she laughs. “Is that when I should have been dropping by? Our friday date nights don’t work for you?” Raine laughs too, and Hunter doesn’t recognize the atmosphere. It’s calm, and it’s teasing, and it’s nice. He comes back more often.

(Lilith and Raine talk a few weeks later, Hunter having come and left for the day. Raine raises a brow over their glass of cider and asks if this means they have both have custody over a child. Lilith laughs. She says that, well, maybe they do.

Raine leans back in their chair. “However will we assure we won’t fall in love?”

Lilith rolls her eyes fondly. “Easy. I think you’re stupid.” She’s teasing and they know it.

“That’s a bold move against a teacher, Clawthorne.” Then, in retaliation: “Well, it’s good I think you’re annoying, then.” They’re teasing too.

A pause after their laughter has subsided. Then, and Raine asks this one too, “Wait- are we sharing custody with the Emperor?”

Lilith makes a choking sound over her glass of water, and then, a dribble of water coming from the corner of her mouth, says, “I can promise you I won’t fall in love with him.”

Raine raises their glass with a mock solemnity. “Cheers to that.” Their cups clink together.)

Lilith and Raine are there for Hunter. They’re there for when he’s hurt and there for when he’s happy. Raine is a wonderful teacher and Lilith is happy to show the magic that they can’t supply.

(Hunter has no magic and can’t use what the two of them teach him, but Lilith, out of all of them, is the closest to having the ability to use wild magic. Wild magic is the ability to mix magic as one pleases, and it’s with great annoyance that she finds she can’t do that. “I thought the emperor’s coven was the only coven where witches don’t get their magic restrained!” She complains, later.)

Hunter learns how to play instruments, and Lilith enjoys attempting the xylophone, when Raine chooses to bring one home.

(She enjoys the simplicity and the sound, she says. Raine steals the mallets from her and produces two more, playing a quick song with the mallets pressed between their fingers. “Is it simple now, Clawthorne?” They ask, and turn around to their awed audience. There’s a sudden realization that they have a two person crowd watching, and with a flushed face, they call off the rest of the day’s music lessons.)

Hunter enjoys the guitar and clarinet, they find. The piano is an old friend to him, and he’s happy to play it mindlessly when he has nothing else to do.

(He plays it the day Raine first finds him with a bandage on his face. They can’t convince him to take it off, but he wears it for a month. There’s a scar on his face after the bandaid is gone. He doesn’t say anything about it and Raine doesn’t press. There was something sad about his song on the day Raine found him playing.)

Raine and hunter convince Lilith to dye her hair a light blue grey (They requested white, to match with their general scheme, but she refused.) and Lilith gets Raine to add a gem to their outfit. Hunter can’t get anything permanent, but both adults enjoy playing with his hair while he’s with them.

Lilith and Raine have cared for Hunter for two years now. Raine’s been climbing up the ranks, and while Hunter is away, (Hunter is a good kid, but he feels an obligation to his uncle. Neither adult knows what to do about it. All they can do is give him as safe a space they can.) they talk about ways to mess up any plans Belos may have. On a late night, Raine admits that Eda (the name is spoken with mixed feelings. Neither saw her last under good circumstances.) was the cause of their drive to do something about the terribleness of the coven system. Lilith says nothing.

She lives more at Raine’s house now. Sleeping on the couch after helping them with a plan, then leaving if there’s ever a knock on anything but a window (Hunter refuses to come in through a door) to keep from the possibility of them getting arrested for holding a criminal in their home. Wandering the city never ceases to be nerve wracking, even with the difference in her appearance.

She was only at the convention to cheer on Hunter. While his place as the mystery guest unnerved both her and Raine (He was only sixteen. Taking place as figurehead of the coven was too much.) he seemed excited, so they congratulated him, and Lilith confronted the terrifying possibility of being recognized to go clap for his performance.

She was recognized. Somehow, her sister spotted her (Was she not also a wild witch? She hated covens, and really, Lilith saw no reason for her to be at such a convention.) and asked about her disappearance. Lilith rolled her eyes and dusted off every question, interrupted only by a human child asking for Eda’s help.

“I’ll leave you to it then,” Lilith said, and walked off. Her sister’s “I’m not done with you!” Only made her chuckle as she searched for Hunter in the crowd.

Lilith attempted to leave a long while later. Apparently the place where the human’s witch’s duel had taken place was broken rather severely. She’d stuck around only long enough to see that most spectators were gone, and she watched both the young Blight and the human storm out of the door before Edalyn pointed up at her.

“HEY LILITH!” Eda called. “I WANT TO TALK!”

Lilith narrowed her eyes and called up magic. “WELL I DON’T!” She yelled back.

That was how Lilith ended up in Raine’s house, bruised and annoyed. Lilith refused to admit how she ended up hurt, tight lipped as she healed herself and avoided eye contact with the equally amused and concerned bard on the sofa.

The next time Lilith saw Eda was after making a bet with Raine. Lilith was terrible with alcohol, honestly, and it didn’t get much wine to get her talking smack. It was a blurry memory, but all she knew is that she needed to get some sort of powerful artifact, to prove... something to Raine.

A flower of youth sounded good. She gained a map, and with a small offhand comment about what her sister must look like now (She’d seen posters, and a younger Eda’s hair was growing white already). She was doing perfectly fine on her own, but somehow, for some reason, her sister had decided to tag along. Which was fine! They were bonding a bit, really. Especially after the blood sucker (emphasis on sucker. Little bitch.) started trying to scare them. Cute, but the sisters were mean when they wanted to be, and oh, did Lilith want to be.

She lost the bet, but she saw her sister again. Under better circumstances (though only barely) and without a fight. She could call that a win.

It happened again (Not a clue how she got roped into a grudgby match, but it was fun while it lasted.) and again (Eda finally getting caught on account of that little human she found was terribly tragic.) and again (also getting caught after accidentally slipping to the human that she’d caused Eda’s curse was more than a little embarrassing.)

She wanted to say sorry. She didn’t think it was enough.

Eda was understandably upset.

Lilith didn’t have a proper cure. She’d been looking for one for a while now, but even any knowledge about the curse she’d used was gone. All she had to make up for it all was her backup plan.

“With this spell declared, let the pain be shared.”

[ibijau]

Futures past pt3 / On AO3

Nie Huaisang meets a potential new friend, all thanks to Lan Xichen

The Cloud Recesses were impossibly boring and extraordinarily fun at the same time, Nie Huaisang decided roughly a week into his stay there.

The boring part was the lectures, of course. He frequently fell asleep during those, drawing the ire of Lan Qiren… and apparently asking that the old man speak in a more lively manner was not the right reaction to being caught like that. Nie Huaisang had already been punished to copy Gusu Lan’s rules a few times in just those first few days. It didn’t bother him too much. If anything, he counted that as part of the fun. Back at home being punished meant running around the courtyard a hundred times, or carrying heavy buckets, or some awful boring thing like this. 

Copying rules, by contrast, wasn’t so bad, especially after the first few times. Once Nie Huaisang knew them well enough, he stopped paying attention to the words and was free to focus entirely on his calligraphy skills. After a year of this, he was sure he’d have the best handwriting in the world, which he felt was more important than whatever Lan Qiren actually intended to teach him.

Other fun things to do included fishing (technically forbidden), catching birds (forbidden), exploring the back hills (forbidden), and chatting with other bored people outside of class (tolerated, though Nie Huaisang’s loud laughter was forbidden). Nie Huaisang had already found several places he couldn’t wait to paint, as soon as he found a way to escape punishment for a day. The light just wasn’t good enough for it when he went into the back hills too late, so that was a concern, but he was sure he’d manage sooner or later. He just needed to figure out how to fall asleep inconspicuously, and that would solve most of his problems.

During the middle of his second week, Nie Huaisang finally managed to go through a full day without getting scolded at all. It was, in all honesty, not thanks to anything he had personally done. But Jin Zixun had been particularly unbearable that day, attracting all the attention of the substitute teacher, who’d had to replace Lan Qiren at the last moment because sect business had needed urgent care. So Jin Zixun had been the one punished, and he’d made such a huge deal of it that very little teaching had happened after that, meaning that Nie Huaisang hadn’t had a chance to get in trouble as well.

When the bell rang to signal the end of the lectures for the day, Nie Huaisang ran (forbidden) to the little house he shared with the other Nie and hurriedly grabbed all his painting equipment, eager to make good use of the lovely light they had that day. He then made his way toward the back hills, only to hear his name called out just as he was about to leave the last set of buildings behind him.

He turned around, saw Lan Xichen walking his way, and almost cursed. So much for his much desired painting session.

“Were you going somewhere, Nie gongzi?” Lan Xichen asked. Noticing the painting equipment, he smiled indulgently. “Oh, I see. The light is truly lovely for it today. Are you going to the Plenitude Creek?”

“I don’t know if it has a name,” Nie Huaisang replied. “But there’s a nice little clearing when you follow the river long enough, and from there there’s a lovely view of the mountains.”

Lan Xichen nodded. “I think I see the place you mean, and it is quite nice as well. But if you would allow me, I really think you might enjoy the Plenitude Creek. It is hard to find when you don’t know where it is though, so I could guide you there. It’s not far at all, and I believe you might enjoy it as a subject.”

It was very tempting to refuse, if only because Nie Huaisang already had a plan, and he wasn’t sure at all when he’d get another chance to do as he pleased. At the same time, his future self had insisted on the need to be on good terms with Lan Xichen, hadn’t he? And everyone said that Lan Xichen was a very skilled artist already in spite of his youth, so he would know how to spot a nice scenery.

“If Lan gongzi has time to waste on me, I’ll gladly take this offer,” Nie Huaisang said. “Please lead the way.”

Lan Xichen did just that, careful to match his pace to Nie Huaisang’s, just like he had during that tour of the Cloud Recesses a while ago. It really was considerate of him, and Nie Huaisang appreciated it more than he should have. He was used to trailing behind others because he just couldn’t make the effort of walking fast enough, so having his speed taken into account for once was nice. On the down side, it felt quite awkward to be side by side like this in silence. It was probably fine for Lan Xichen, because Gusu Lan preferred the quiet, but Nie Huaisang didn’t like to be around others and not chat. Silence was only for birdwatching, or when he focused on something for once.

“I’m surprised you’re not scolding me for this,” Nie Huaisang said after a while, only to immediately want to slap himself. It was such a stupid thing to say, only made worse when he opened his mouth to add: “Your uncle gave us all that homework to do, I probably shouldn’t be thinking of painting. Da-ge would surely be scolding me. Poor da-ge, he lost the didi lottery, and you won it.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t think that at all,” Lan Xichen objected.

“Oh, he does. He told me as much. I almost forgot my sabre at home when preparing to come here, you see, and he got angry, and he said Wangji would never be such an embarrassment, and how I need to grow up already and all that. But the way I see it, it’s not my fault. I think your brother stole all the accomplishments there were to be had in my age group, so of course I was left with nothing at all.”

“Now you’re unfair to yourself,” Lan Xichen scolded, his voice oddly detached all of a sudden. “I’m sure… I’m quite sure Nie gongzi is skilled at many things, and just needs the chance to show it off.”

Surprised to hear something that very nearly sounded like a compliment, Nie Huaisang pondered a moment on that as they followed along the path.

“No, I don’t think I have any skill at all,” he decided at last.

Lan Xichen frowned, and motioned for Nie Huaisang to leave the path with him.

“The other day, you said your father used to compliment your ear for music,” Lan Xichen noted. “And you paint, don’t you?”

“Oh, very poorly. It’s just something I do because it’s fun. If you were to see it…”

“I would like to.”

Off the path, the ground was rougher, with roots everywhere. Nie Huaisang told himself that he tripped for that reason alone, and not at all because the request surprised him so much. Lan Xichen caught him before he could really fall, but that just made it worse, and Nie Huaisang quickly pulled away, puzzled by that sudden goodwill. Lan Xichen had never taken notice of him before, or only to nod along when Nie Mingjue scolded his unruly little brother in his presence, so why the change?

“Did da-ge ask you to keep an eye on me?” Nie Huaisang bluntly asked. “Is this… are you just going to lecture me, or to take me somewhere to meditate instead of paint?”

His brother used to do both, when he was younger. He would agree to take Nie Huaisang out to admire a landscape, then turn their outing into a cultivation lesson, or make him meditate in a place that was supposed to be particularly rich in energy. Over time Nie Huaisang had learned to run the opposite direction if his brother offered to go for a walk, and apparently he might need to do the same with Lan Xichen.

“Of course he asked me to look after you,” Lan Xichen said, looking puzzled. “He is your brother and I am his friend. But I really just want to show you a place I think you’d enjoy to…”

“That’s what da-ge would say too,” Nie Huaisang retorted, deeply annoyed now. “Thanks, but no thanks. Have your own fun meditating, Lan gongzi, but I have better things to do!”

Nie Huaisang bolted away, running as fast as he could in what he vaguely believed was the direction from which they had come from. He thought he heard Lan Xichen calling his name after the initial surprise had passed, but the older boy made no effort to run after him. Possibly because it would have been undignified for someone as elegant as Lan Xichen to run, and also because it might have been against one of those rules that Nie Huaisang still couldn’t be bothered to remember. Nie Huaisang, meanwhile, was only concerned about getting away from this heinous trap. 

He ran until he found the path again. Then, fearful that he’d be too easy to find if he returned to the Cloud Recesses or followed the path deeper into the mountain, he decided to keep running into the woods on the other side of that path, and find a quiet spot where to wait. If Lan Xichen was anything like Nie Mingjue, it might take him a shichen or more to accept that Nie Huaisang wouldn’t be so easily manipulated into behaving.

Worried about being pursued and forced to study, Nie Huaisang kept glancing behind as he ran. That was how he only noticed too late that he’d stumbled into a clearing, one in which there was already a person present.

To be precise, he discovered this other person due to running into them at full speed, causing both of them to fall on the ground. Nie Huaisang initially counted himself lucky, since he’d fallen on top of the stranger, but that sentiment didn’t last long when he was roughly pushed aside, knocking the breath out of him.

“Can’t you watch where you’re going?” the other person snapped as he sat up. “Look at that, I’ve got grass stains now!”

It was a boy roughly Nie Huaisang’s own age, dressed all in white… or in robes that were originally white, anyway. A Lan disciple then, but not a member of the Lan clan: the ribbon on his forehead wasn’t embroidered, marking him as an outer disciple.

“Sorry, I was trying to escape,” Nie Huaisang said, sitting up as well and rubbing his back. “If you want, you can blame me for the robes, just as long as you don’t tell Lan Xichen you saw me if he comes here.”

The Lan disciple squinted at him unhappily.

“What did you do to Lan gongzi?”

“Nothing! He was the one trying to trick me, so of course I had to escape!”

The Lan disciple squinted harder, unconvinced.

“Lan gongzi is too boring to even think of tricking anyone, you must have misunderstood.”

Nie Huaisang gasped, delighted that finally someone else also realised Lan Xichen was so very boring. Delight, though, soon gave way to guilt and a little bit of shame.

Whatever defects Lan Xichen had, his personality was honest and straightforward. If he had wanted to lecture Nie Huaisang, he would have said so, just as he wouldn’t have lied if he thought he knew a place where meditation would be more effective. Someone like him just didn't have the imagination needed for trickery. Which meant that Lan Xichen had probably really just meant to show him a nice scenery to paint. Which, in turn, meant that Nie Huaisang had just behaved in an impossibly rude manner toward the person he was supposed to befriend if he wanted to save his brother.

"You're not going to tell anyone?" the Lan boy asked, his face contorted with terror. "I shouldn't have said that about Lan gongzi, please don't…" 

"Don't worry, I think he's boring too," Nie Huaisang distractedly retorted, waving his hand. "But damn, even someone with as little personality as him might take offence… ah, what a bother." 

The Lan disciple squinted at him. 

"Who are you exactly, to speak like that of Lan gongzi?" 

Nie Huaisang winced. There was a rule against rudeness, he vaguely remembered, and maybe also one against disrespecting one's host. 

"I'm Nie Huaisang. And you are?" 

The Lan boy frowned, then paled and bowed deeply before Nie Huaisang. 

"This humble one apologises for not recognising Nie gongzi. This humble one begs for forgiveness, and…" 

"Please don't bow," Nie Huaisang complained. "It's not necessary. And don't worry, I'm not important, so nobody ever recognises me. Listen, just don't tell anyone I was running, and I won't tell anyone that you…" he hesitated, and waved his hand toward the other boy. "That you have an actual personality, unlike everyone here. Actually, I think it’s nice!”

The Lan disciple winced, and remained bowed until Nie Huaisang grabbed him by the elbows and forced him to stand straight again.

“There, no need to be so formal! What’s your name, by the way?”

The other boy hesitated a moment longer than was truly polite, and glared down at his feet when he finally answered.

“I’m Su She. I am a disciple of Gusu Lan and… and I should report both of us for punishment for being rude about Lan gongzi.”

“But you won’t do that, right?” Nie Huaisang begged. “Please, you’re the first Gusu Lan person I’ve met that sounds even a little cool, please don’t ruin it?”

Su She hesitated, which Nie Huaisang took as an excellent sign. So far, he’d never seen any Gusu Lan disciple even consider breaking their precious rules. Then again, they usually always moved in groups, meaning they couldn’t be properly negotiated with.

“I suppose I can let it slide for this time,” Su She pondered. “And you really won’t tell that I was… not perfectly polite either, right? I’m doing my best, but apparently I have a bad temperament.”

“I think you’re just fine,” Nie Huaisang replied, feeling very generous now that he was certain not to be punished. “But why are you here anyway?” he asked, before noticing a book of sword forms carefully laid on the ground which they’d very nearly fallen on earlier, as well as a training sword, the sort that wouldn’t even cut through congee. “Oh, were you practising?”

It was an odd place for it, Nie Huaisang thought, because Gusu Lan had a few perfectly fine training grounds, where seniors were usually hanging out and could provide help and advice to improve one’s posture. But maybe those same seniors were the reason why Su She didn’t want to practice on the training grounds. If his personality was judged unpleasant, or if his skill was deemed insufficient… Nie Huaisang understood that too well, having the same problem. Even on those occasional moments when he’d considered training for real, he’d ended up discouraged when he’d felt everyone judging him for his low level.

“I prefer to be on my own,” Su She announced, before quickly adding: “Not that… not that Nie gongzi is bothering me of course. You can stay if you want.”

The offer sounded so forced that Nie Huaisang snorted. “I might stay,” he said, mostly to tease, and Su She looked as if he’d bitten into a lemon. “Oh, don’t worry, even if you were the worst swordsman in the world I wouldn’t judge. No matter your level, I’m worse than you.”

“I’m not that bad,” Su She proudly retorted, bending down to pick up his sword. “Just because I’m not as good as those who were born in the sect… but I didn’t start cultivating until four years ago, and my parents are… well, I’d never picked up a sword until they tried to get me into a sect, that’s the only reason I’m a little behind.”

Nie Huaisang nodded. “Those born in sects or from a rogue cultivator have a bit of an advantage.”

“A lot, you mean!” Su She snapped, before taking a deep breath and making himself smile. “But that just means I have to work harder to catch up, and of course I’m grateful that I was allowed to join at all.” He glanced at the manual on the ground, then at Nie Huaisang. “Are you really going to watch me? I… I don’t do as well when someone watches me.”

“I’m just going to sit here,” Nie Huaisang replied after some consideration. “I promise not to look too much. But if I go back right now, then I might stumble upon Lan gongzi, and I’ll have to apologize, and… I just don’t feel like doing that right now.”

To show how little he would be watching, Nie Huaisang sat against a tree so that he’d have to look over his shoulder to see the clearing. Su She glared at him for a while, unhappy with this arrangement, but in the end he gave in and resumed practicing.

At first, Nie Huaisang really tried to respect the other boy’s shyness. He looked just anywhere but toward Su She, wondering how angry Lan Xichen might be (not much, he’d need a personality for that), whether this place might inspire him to paint (not particularly, there wasn’t anything striking to it) or if he might see some birds (he wouldn’t, Su She was scaring them away). All too soon, Nie Huaisang became bored, and decided to check just how bad his new friend was, anyway.

Turning around to look, Nie Huaisang was surprised to discover that Su She was, in fact, very decent with a sword. His posture was good enough that even Nie Mingjue wouldn’t have found much to criticise, he had good balance, his movements were measured and elegant while still demonstrating strength. For someone not born in a sect, Su She was pretty good. Even if he had been born among cultivators, his level would have been more than decent. Nie Huaisang had expected so much worse, and ended up watching the other boy until he was finished with his set of exercises

Su She frowned deeply when he realised he’d been watched, and sheathed his sword with an angry movement.

“I know I’m not good enough yet,” he grumbled. “I’m trying.”

“I think you’re doing very well,” Nie Huaisang said.

“Not as good as Lan gongzi and Lan er-gongzi, though.”

Nie Huaisang snorted and shrugged. “Well, you’ve got to be realistic. They’re on equal footing with adults, those two. I’ve seen Lan gongzi spar with my brother and they often come to a draw, and da-ge is a damn monster.”

Su She’s frown only deepened.

“Someday, I’ll be that good. Better, even. I’m going to catch up and I’ll show everyone!” Su She proclaimed.

Having no ambition whatsoever, save maybe to collect as many pretty things as possible and try to make sure his brother didn’t die too soon, Nie Huaisang found this need to prove oneself a little odd. Still, it seemed to be important for Su She, and Nie Huaisang had decided he liked this weird Lan disciple.

“I’m sure you’ll show them, yeah,” he cheerfully agreed. “If you’re already as good as this with a sword, it’s just a matter of time. How do you do with other subjects? Music and archery?”

Su She grimaced, and bent down to pick up his manual, avoiding Nie Huaisang's eyes when he stood up again and checked the book hadn't been dirtied.

“I got into Gusu Lan because my music skills were judged passable enough,” he muttered. “But that’s all I had for myself. And there’s only so much time in a day, and the sword is more important, everyone says so, and… I don’t have time to practice archery outside of classes, so my skill remains very poor. There’s just a lot to learn, I can’t work on everything at once!”

“It’s really too much to ask,” Nie Huaisang agreed, as if he hadn’t given up on trying years ago. “I’m curious to hear you play the guqin now, though. Saying someone is ‘passable enough’ in the Cloud Recesses, that’s saying they have out of this world talent by anyone else’s standards.”

“You’re mocking me!”

“I’m not! Oh, do you know any fun pieces? I mostly only hear such boring things…”

“Melodies for the guqin are meant to be slow and reflective,” Su She dryly informed him. “But… I play the dizi too, and there are less… formal pieces of music for that. My younger siblings liked it, anyway, and they're too young to care about real music.”

“Great! Then you’re going to play for me!” Nie Huaisang decided, grinning so triumphantly he didn’t notice the other boy’s grimace. “Oh, but it’s getting late, I should head back… I really don’t want to be late for dinner. If I have to copy the stupid rules another time, my wrist will fall off. Let's walk together?”

Su She rolled his eyes, but didn’t make any comment, even though Nie Huaisang was sure that another less interesting Lan disciple would have scolded him for not showing proper respect to the rules.

He was so glad the two of them had met. Surely, this was the beginning of a beautiful friendship, and one far more interesting than the one he was supposed to pursue with Lan Xichen.

[hela-avenger]

To the Stars Who Listen- Part 7

Author: hela-avenger

Word Count: 1977

Summary: When Loki desires to never fall in love, he casts a spell to prevent such a thing from happening. Except, well, in the matters of love and magic, you never know the result it may have in the end. Loki x Reader

A/N: This one’s a bit long and the next one will also be pretty long. I’ve just got a lot I want to include!  Tags are open! (Send me an ask/message/response.)

TTSWL Masterlist

Loki scowled as you led him once more out of the beaten path. He’s forced to descend down the damn hill again until you are content at the bare field that laid ahead of you. Loki glares at the sun that is beating down at them but is relieved at the cool breeze that flowed through the nearby trees. 

“Why did you bring me out here again?” Loki asks. “Isn’t the point of an indoor training facility is to train indoors?”

“After the incident from yesterday morning I decided it would be best if we trained away from everyone,” you answer. “I really don’t need to hear more of my friends confessing things to me.”

“Come on,” Loki drawls. “I’m sure a tiny part of you enjoyed it.” 

You hadn’t and yet a sharp sting runs down your spine at his words. As if your power was reprimanding you for lying to yourself. You try to ignore it but involuntarily shiver and Loki grins at the action. 

You hate his grin. 

You don’t necessarily hate him even though you had many reasons to. 

Loki destroyed New York in an attempt to rule over mankind. He also got his ass chewed out by his parents when he got sent back home. 

Now he was here, claiming to be better, reformed. 

You had yet to see it but noticing how miserable Loki was in the past months roaming the halls of the Tower you knew the slow punishment was certainly fitting the crime. 

Though now, things seem to be working out for him. 

“Look, I don’t want to question your superior knowledge on this matter but there has to be another way for me to expel the excess power I keep surging,” you state. “I can’t be blasting things hours at end so I don’t physically implode.” 

“There are other ways but they’re more complicated,” Loki answers as he crosses his arms. He was hoping that would put an end to that question but you pestered on.  

“So?” you ask him. “I can handle it.” 

Loki snorts. 

The arrogance you held was comedic. He would blame your humanity for the awful trait but his brother and his merry band of friends were endowed with it too. 

“You’re asking me to teach you how to wield your seidr,” Loki explains. “In mortal words that should help you comprehend, you want me to teach you how to cast spells. It will expel your powers but not as quickly or as greatly as the siphons will.” 

“So is that a yes?” you ask him unable to fight the smile on your lips. Loki rolls his eyes but you continue. “Come on. I’m trying to find the silver lining to this new power. If I can cast spells like a witch then I want to learn.”

“I take offense to the word witch,” Loki mutters, noticing how your fingers fidget with the gold siphons. Your obvious discomfort of them was written so plainly on your face. “Even if you could cast spells, you’ll still have to wear and use the siphons daily.”

 “Are you agreeing to teach me then?” you ask him. For once you were excited at the prospect of this lesson. 

“My spells of expertise reside on tricks and lies,” Loki explains. “They won’t work for you so I will have to figure out spells that rely on your ability of the truth.” 

“Seriously?” you deflate. “There’s nothing you can teach me today?” 

“Well I had planned to teach you how to pull out secrets and confessions in a more covert way, but you won’t allow my lesson, will you?” 

You shake your head and Loki rubs his eyes tiredly. 

“Just teach me something simple!” you offer. “Something that you as a kid managed to pull off and then I’ll subject myself to your lesson without questions or commentary.” 

Loki watches you silently realizing that you needed this distraction. It’s been obvious from the beginning that this power was something you hated. He was confused by this anger. Had it been him in your shoes, Loki would be elated to be more powerful than before. 

Of course, you were a different breed. 

From what he could tell by his observations, you were beloved by all. Strong, kind, and smart to be considered at the same level as many of these heroes you surround yourself with. You did it all by yourself and with the single motivation of wanting to do good for the world. 

Your intentions are and have always been so pure that Loki wonders if that is why the Book of Veritas deemed you worthy to release its power into you. 

“I can teach you how to shield…” 

“Come on, I know you have something more fun up your sleeve,” you interject. 

Loki tries to think but he finds himself distracted by the warm smile on your face. He’s seen it in the company of others but never had it been directed to him. You had never spent this much time with him to deem him one. 

“I uh… I cast childish spells. They all rhymed too. I don’t think…” 

Loki doesn’t understand why his mind drives him to that particular memory again. Of floating rose petals and impossible possibilities. He’s horrified by it. Especially as you take notice of it. 

“You know of one,” you point out, your smile widening. “What is it?” 

Loki hesitates but he knows that if he withholds his response for too long you’ll be onto him in seconds. You’ll pry the answer out of him. The truth coming out one way or another. 

“It was a foolish love spell.” 

“A love spell?” you repeat amused. “Little Loki wanted to fall in love?” 

Surprisingly enough, you don’t laugh or make fun of him. Loki is wary by the lack of it but answers your question nonetheless.

“I desired the opposite actually,” he explains. “I don’t wish to ever fall in love.” 

“And why is that?” 

“I’m not going to answer that,” Loki states. 

You’re very curious to know the answer, but Loki’s privacy was one you had yet to invade without his permission. He deserves to keep his secrets in the same way that you didn’t always deserve the truth. 

“So how do I cast this love spell?” you ask him. 

“Wish to fall in love?” Loki asks, turning the focus on you. 

You shrug carelessly, “Maybe.” 

“Don’t have enough admirers already?” 

“What are you going on about?” you ask with a roll of your eyes. “I don’t have any admirers.” 

“You can’t be serious.” 

You stare at him confused and Loki sighs in response. 

“You are.” 

Loki looks away in exasperation causing you to fidget again.  

“Just spit it out already,” you exclaim. 

“Bucky and Sam admitted they found you attractive yesterday morning,” Loki states. “And don’t get me started on the Captain…” 

“Steve doesn’t see me that way,” you sigh. “We’re just friends. All of them are my friends.” 

“Well, all of your friends are attracted to you.” 

You can’t avoid the sudden warmth that encompasses your face as you realize he’s being honest. You try to stammer out a response but the words are useless. 

“I uh… I mean… They’re not…” 

You take a deep breath trying to ignore Loki’s obvious amusement. 

“I don’t see any of them that way,” you respond curtly. “They are attractive men. Actually very attractive. I’m honestly surprised that the entire team hasn’t been poached by a model agency by now.” 

“You’re straying away from the point.” 

“Right, well…” you stumble. “The point is that I don’t find myself romantically attracted to them. They’re great guys but I need more.”

Loki doesn’t really care for your explanation and yet he finds himself intrigued. 

What more could you possibly want? 

You had the whole world in your hands and yet you desired more.  

There was only one way to find the answer and he dreaded the mere thought of it. 

“The love spell needs some binding elements,” Loki states. “I used rose petals but you can use whatever you can find.” 

You can’t help the smile on your face as he conjures a small gold bowl in his hands for you to use. You eagerly take it from him and Loki watches as you skip away to collect whatever you can find. 

“You are going to bind your desires to these elements so I would suggest you choose wisely.” 

You heed his warnings before coming back to him. 

“Ok I’ve got them,” you tell him. “What now?” 

Loki looks down at the filled bowl and scowls. 

A few autumn leaves, daisies, and blades of grass. 

“Interesting choices,” Loki mutters. “Do you have your spell in mind?” 

“No,” you answer. “But why don’t you tell me how yours went and I can just… copy that.” 

Loki notices the mischief laced in your smile. Your intentions were so blatantly clear because you had no wish to hide them from him. He wonders if this was a side effect of your powers or if it was from your original character. 

“A yellow rose petal for friendship, a white one for youth, a red rose petal for love and a blue one for truth,” Loki states. “...And that is all you’re hearing from me. The rest is none of your concern.” 

“Fine,” you smile. “Keep the juicy bits to yourself.”

You take a deep breath and look down at the contents inside your bowl.

“For my heart I wish to have... a man who loves me with all that he has. Blades of grass to signal he’s lean. A fighter, a lover, a man of means. Autumn leaves and daisies of plenty. I hope to find love when I least expect it.” 

Loki could taste the magic in the air. He closes his eyes and feels the warmth and softness brush against his skin. He waits to hear your shocked gasp as the elements in the bowl begin to float away but it never comes. 

“Is something supposed to happen?” you ask him as he opens his eyes to find the bowl still filled. “I feel like something should have happened.” 

“You’re indeed right,” Loki frowns. “Your binding elements should have flown away to find your perfect pair.” 

“Did I do it wrong?” 

Loki shakes his head. He could still feel the residue of your magic and the spell was perfectly casted. 

“Repeat it again.” 

So you do feeling the bowl grow warm in your hands. 

The magic is more pungent now and Loki feels how heavy it lays around them. Before he could decipher the phenomenon, the entire contents of the bowl blew up between them. You and Loki are covered in the debris of grass, shrivelled up leaves, and daisy petals. 

“Ok,” you cough out. “Was that supposed to happen?” 

“Not at all,” Loki scowls as he brushes off the remains from his person. 

“What does it mean?” you ask as you pull off a petal from your hair. 

The magic was fading away from the air and Loki had no explanation to offer as to why your love spell had gone wrong. 

Perhaps your demands were too much, but if that were the case that meant Loki’s spell had actually worked while yours didn’t. Someone who wanted love couldn’t achieve it while someone who didn’t had. 

Loki lets out a sigh. 

“I have no idea,” Loki shrugs as he takes the bowl from your hand and makes it disappear. “You might have infused too much of your power in it and burnt out the spell.” 

You can’t help but chuckle. 

Loki wasn’t necessarily lying but he wasn’t telling you the entire truth. The thing that surprised you immensely was that you really didn’t care to know what he could possibly be hiding. 

Not this time. Perhaps not ever.

TTSWL Tag: @catsladen @is-it-madness @manyfandoms-marvel @mejusttryintogetby @illogicalfangirl @ariel-snow-tmnt @islinglivesinshire @musicconversedance @missmadwoman @smaranshakthi @adaydreamingdragon @poetic-fiasco @like-a-wildfire @jasminecalia @ha-tep @charbokbok @setsuna-meiou31 @ms-blvck @country-cowgirl-101 @bepo-is-sorry @hufflautia @waitforthehurricanrose @fictionalhoomanofnowhere​ @sanniegirl1214​ @telenari​ @anonymouscastiel12​

Loki Tag: @unicorniorosacomefrutillas @thesilentbluesparrow @oddly-drawn-muse @josiehosiedaninja @hp-hogwartsexpress @sadwaywardkid @wolf-lover74 @sizzlingbarbarianglitter @sigyn-nightshade @aoirohi @horsesandwolvesaremyanimals @just-a-donut-who-reads @day-dreaming-fox

All Works Tag: @jmb959 @astudyoftimeywimeystuff @hellocookiecutter @steve-rogers-personal-hell @buckybarnesyard @not-zari-tak @strangersstranger @thefridgeismybestie @ariel-snow-tmnt @badhollandfluff @what-a-flammable-heart

[twisted-imagines]

Heyo! May I request headcanons for how Leona and Azul would react to their respective SO being unassumingly strong? Like they look like they possess average strength but they are able to carry a lot of heavy things (easily the dorm leaders) or hold their own in a physical fight. I hope this makes sense 😅😅😅

Unbelievable, I'm back! With a request, nonetheless💖 I wonder if you missed me, hehe? Man, did I miss you all and my precious boys~ It's shorter than usually and I got hit with a writer's block, but it'll try to pick up my pace from now on >:3

But for now, please, enjoy💗

Unassumingly strong S/O

Leona Kingscholar 🦁

Rays of sunset gently caressing his face woke Leona up from his post-lunch nap. Still groggy from his sleep he rose up just to look at the clock. Almost evening, the last classes in college ended at least two hours ago. But that wasn't important to Leona. What really bothered him, was the absence of one customary part of his sleeping routine: your warm form beside his. To have you curled up into his side or just sitting near him telling about your day always made his dreams more pleasant and now that he got used to it, not having you beside him rubbed him the wrong way. You should have already been there, so where were you? The lion didn't want to think about the worst, but only the most alarming conclusions came to his mind. The bed shifted beneath him when he got up, but before he could even take a step a loud stomping resonating in the hallway drew his attention. Ruggie was at his doorstep, disheveled, and clearly agitated.

"Leona-san! You need to see this, come. Quick!"

Leona could finally let out the breath he took when Ruggie rushed him out of his room and to the common room. Several students were running to-and-fro around the other three beat-up Savanaclaw residents. The dorm leader stopped at the door, relieved to not had seen you there. And why would you be there, though? Nonsense. But it was really the only thing he was worried about since the sight before him was all too common for Leona at that point. He was about to turn to Ruggie and ask what all that fuss was about until a conversation between couch occupant and the students treating him reached his ears.

"Ouch! That hurts, man! Ugh, if not that piece of-!"

"Don't even think about ending that sentence. You're lucky that it wasn't the dorm leader who got his hands on you."

"Yes, dumbass, can you even imagine what would have happened to you three if he found out you fought his mate- Wha? Huh?! Leona-san? Since when did you-"

Leona crossed the room in a few powerful strides only to pick the unfortunate student by his collar. An unbridled fury grimaced his face.

"What's about [Y/n]? Tell me, your puny life depends on it!“

"Nishishishi, what can he even tell? That he and his thick-headed friends got completely obliterated by a single, small human?"

"Listen, I'm very sorry about it, but it was just self-defense!"

Leona dropped the scared, shaking from fear student to the floor in favor of rushing to your self, who too entered the room. He swiftly checked you for any injury and let out a relieved sigh. From what he could see you were completely fine, while those who harassed you were very much not, trembling and holding each other, bruised and humiliated. Kingscholar could only look bewildered at them, and then at you, at them, at you.

"Leona, I'm really sorry, I didn't want to hurt them so bad."

Your ramble became faster the more your boyfriend looked at you with a blank look, not even saying a word to you.

"...so if there's some disciplinary punishment or otherwise or will take it, I-"

A snicker interrupted your speech. You looked at the man before you stunned. Before you could utter even another word he erupted in a fit of roaring laughter, it resonating in a completely silent dorm.

• Ah, Leona can't genuinely remember when was the last time he laughed that hard. The whole situation is so amusing to him, there isn't't a boring day with you, is there?

• Of course, you'll face no punishment, vice versa, you'll be celebrated. His darling, his kitten, was actually a mighty carnivore all along. He's going to mark the day, when he finally found out about that.

• Never would he think, not a snowballs chance in hell, that you had any physical strength in you, but you managed to prove him wrong. Yes, he was very close to destroying poor souls who tried to harass you, but if not for them taunting you and being beat up in the process, he wouldn't have such a discovery to laugh at. They're getting away with it, a living example of why exactly one ought to not touch dorm leader's lover. They're not dining with everybody that evening though, no matter how much tasty food there is.

• He doesn't think a lot about this discovery at first, that's just another gimmick of yours and he loves it, he loves you, but does it turn his world upside down, both figuratively and literally, when you, fed up with him lazing around the greenhouse and trying to make you lie down with him, swing him over your shoulder and carry him out. His pupils are just two saucers. He hangs speechless from your shoulder and until he feels ground under his legs he doesn't register what happened.

• Congratulations, now you have Leona Kingscholar living in your arms. He'll just use you as a personal carriage and how can you deny him, when he's so cutely snuggling up to you. Oh, he knows what he does to you and isn't ashamed to take advantage of it.

• He's quite pleased to know that you can hold your own in a physical fight, even in a magical world they're still too common. He even starts to watch himself, especially when he thinks he went too far with his teasing since you do have a strength to turn it on him. Well, he doesn't really protest. A bit of roughhousing and a tickle fight never harmed anybody, it amuses Leona when you start them.

• He admires you more than anybody else at this point. You're badass and you know it, and he couldn't be more proud. He sleeps soundly, knowing that you can stand up for yourself if the situation calls for it. He still much prefers to have you safe in his arms, or vice versa, so don't leave him for longer, than you should.

• One time he just casually asked you, if you could wield any weapon with a very unsettling glint in his eyes. He told you that a lot of people in Afterglow Savannah were proficient in some war art, it was a very respected tradition, and some of the masters could teach you, if you visited his homeland with him. He left the question open, but sometimes you still wonder what did he actually mean?

Azul Ashengrotto 🐙

Night Raven College was in a state of emergency. All students were to follow their seniors to a safe location, while teachers and student council were dealing with the threat. The reason for such a panic was a single creature. Highly dangerous at its full potential and untamable, college's Chimera was much less imposing than it's wild nature sisters, but still a difficult opponent for students at their Magic Defense classes. Apparently this time it decided to give a special lesson to everybody.

"The beast ran in that direction, don't let it get away once again, surround and subdue it!"

Azul's order rang in the hallway, spurring every present student to action. At the state of total disarray, the youth was the only one who reacted fast enough to rally his fellow students and direct them properly. But to say the hunt was going awfully is to say nothing. The students, so much for them being skilled at magic, had no idea of command work. Ashengrotto had already regretted sending Leech twins away with Octavinelle juniors, it would have ended so much faster if they were present. But alas, after running around the campus for more than half an hour, Azul could finally hope they would catch the damned beast at last.

"It's running away, catch it! Why are you standing still?"

"Can you not complain for five seconds, pretty boy? Want me to fix your make up with my fists for you?"

"The Chimera is resisting magical attacks, somebody please sacrifice yourself for the greater good. We need to neutralize it!"

No, they were hopeless. Azul could only observe the people he saw daily at college lose all respect he had for them in less than an hour. Azul was genuinely contemplating to just give up and let the teachers, who got lost halfway too somehow, handle it. At that point he wasn't even chasing it, disappointedly watching how it was running away into the sunset.

Until it suddenly didn't. Chimera crashed with a loud thud, falling to the floor completely motionless. And the one who was standing above it with a bright red crowbar was none other than you. Shocked, he slowly approached you and the unconscious animal.

"Um... [Name]?"

"Sup' Azul! You were late for our date so I returned to check up on you. This Chimera is so big! It's the first time I've seen it. Where should we carry it?"

"Yes, yes...You'll still meet it at your Magic Defense classes later the semester. To the classroom on the third floor, let me-"

Before Azul could lift it with magic you had already hoisted it on your shoulder and awaited for his lead.

Well, it was certainly a dream so he didn't have to freak out, right? His dear significant other couldn't possibly knock out a huge beast in one punch?

• Wrong. You did. You also had enough strength to carry it to its cage. You could do even more than that. The more Azul was coming to the understanding of it, the more he was freaking out. Until he completely stopped responding to you. The date had to be canceled, unfortunately. You led him to his dorm, while he was having an identity crisis.

• When he finally snaps out of his state you're so going to be bombarded with questions. They won't stop, and you're not even sure he addresses them to you. How did you hide it and why? Or was he just oblivious? But you look so demure, look at Jack for example and look at you! How?

"Well, I'm pretty soft, but here touch - there muscles underneath!"

He's now more lost than before, after making contact with your bare skin.

• It's going to take him time to come to terms with your actual strength. Lack of magic not equating to being powerless didn't register in his brain, and he thought it was actually very ignorant of him. He respected you before, but now he's in awe. His significant other is very strong and Azul thinks it's beautiful.

• When he has too much work and is stubborn about cramming it all into one day, even though he's already drooling on his notes and slips down his chair, you just lift him from his seat and parade through Monstro Lounge to his room with Azul blushing madly in your arms. Leech twins think it's the most hilarious thing they've ever seen. Azul is very embarrassed, but it also feels so good to be carried around by you, he feels the most special man in the world. He politely asks you to not handle him like that ever again, while he clings to you like a baby koala. It's obvious where he wants to be.

• He has a love-hate attitude to manhandling. It certainly feels exciting when you tug him on your lap if he's passing by, or envelop him in a hug if you're happy, but he's also quite shy about it, especially if there're people around you. Sometimes he wants just to find a pot big enough to hide.

• He likes your way of solving problems. You don't have to choose the best spells that would give you an advantage against a certain opponent, neither do you have to worry about things like mana and blot. You can only rely on yourself in a fight. He wheezed when you suggested, that Floyd wouldn't be a dangerous opponent to you since his unique magic wouldn't deflect a punch to the face. Floyd wasn't impressed with that logic, but he kept quiet.

• Azul is quite pacifistic, if he can mitigate the conflict and reach a consensus that would benefit every party, mostly him, he will try to avoid a fight. But when even he can't do this, you enter the picture. You know that those jerks are too arrogant and they should be prescribed a nice, educating blow to a face. Azul is mortified, when you escalate things, for he usually doesn't see such scenes, Floyd or even sometimes Jade leave them offstage. He quickly comes to his senses though and helps you out. Best believe you're going to get away with it, and even will be treated as a victim. Who in their right mind will think that you, of all people, can deal any serious damage to anybody?

• He feels a bit weird when you're the one carrying his shopping bags, or screwing the jars open, but he learns to roll with it, even starts to enjoy it. And his face when he sees you carrying a huge table all on your own, because he just so mentioned, that he didn't like how it stood in the Lounge? Priceless.

• No matter how much time passes he'll still react surprised when he sees you displaying your power, but it's also one of the qualities he loves about you. Azul treats your unusual strength as your special appeal and couldn't be more proud to be your lover.

• He's ecstatic that he can just casually mention to anybody picking on him, that "his significant other can and will snap you in half". Maybe you can, maybe you can not, but you just let him have his fun. The truth is that you will do your best at any given time to protect your boyfriend.

[robininthelabyrinth]

Three Gates - on ao3 (for content warnings check Ao3) - on tumblr: pt 1, pt 2

- Chapter 3 -

It seemed, to Meng Yao’s surprise, that there were in fact people like that; it was only that they were all apparently surnamed Nie and lived hidden away in a fortress deep in Qinghe, probably for the good of society.

Sect Leader Nie – known fondly to one and all as Lao Nie, an informality he encouraged – was at least more thoughtful than his son, insisting on a number of tests before he’d accept the child was his, which as a bit more in line with Meng Yao’s expectations. But even before the doctors had been called to check Meng Shi’s pulse he had already been listening without recrimination to Nie Mingjue’s excited plans about where they would stay and where the child’s room would be, and had only the mildest of criticism regarding his son’s decision to sell all his things to buy a Yunping whore to bring back to Qinghe.

The Nie clan, Meng Yao decided, were weird.

But not in a bad way – when the doctors confirmed that the date of conception was around the right time and that the child would more-likely-than-not have a gift for cultivation that his mother lacked, Lao Nie nodded and permitted Meng Shi to cross his threshold as an official concubine.

Not even a mistress! Official!

Sure, Lao Nie could divorce her if he wanted, but the mere act of marriage gave Meng Shi – and by extension, Meng Yao – security that they’d never had before, the right to many things they’d never had before: a solid foundation in the world for him, a married woman’s hairstyle and a place to be buried for her.

Meng Yao had worried at first that he would be reviled by Nie Mingjue’s mother as a bastard at best - a concubine’s baggage from before the marriage, infringing where he should not be; there were a thousand stories describing exactly what legitimate wives thought about people like that - but it didn’t take long for him to see that there was no other woman in Lao Nie’s life, excluding only his second-in-command who already had a wife of her own.

“Your mother died?” Meng Yao asked Nie Mingjue, his mind already spinning with the possibilities – having Meng Shi get officially named first wife was probably out of the question, since that would start gossip regarding the possibility of disinheriting Nie Mingjue, but if his mother could fill the position even a little, then maybe in the future…

“She’s gone,” Nie Mingjue corrected, and it took a while before Meng Yao understood that Nie Mingjue meant gone as in vanished or missing, not as in dead. According to the gossip, his mother was either a goddess or a rogue cultivator, but either way she hadn’t stayed much longer than a year or two past the time of her marriage to Lao Nie, with Nie Mingjue having been left to more or less raise himself ever since.

No wonder Nie Mingjue was such an open-minded idiot, believing in airy principles rather than rock-solid reality, Meng Yao thought, heart flush with fondness. He’d never had a mother to teach him any tricks.

Not that Meng Yao minded. On the contrary, he appreciated the benefits of that open-mindedness: for the first time in his life he had robes made of sturdy and comfortable material, finer than anything he’d owned before, with proper shoes made to fit him; he had teachers in all the subjects a gentleman should know, as much meat as he could ever want to eat, and even a room of his own, with a proper bed and a lock on the inside. All the things he’d ever envied in others were now suddenly within his grasp.

It was heady stuff.

Meng Yao was happy.

And then he went to his mother’s rooms after the first week to tell her of his adventures and saw her contemplating the crib in the side of the nursing room with a neutral expression that might as well be a frown.

He shivered a little and went to her side. “It won’t be necessary now, will it?” he asked hesitantly.

Meng Yao had never doubted his mother’s cunning before, but...well. It was only that Nie Mingjue was so looking forward to having a brother – Meng Yao was in some ways a brother, too, of course, or at least a shidi, but he was of an age that made him more of a friend so it apparently didn’t count – and had spoken so many times about the fun they’d have with a baby that they’d be able to teach everything they knew that Meng Yao had temporarily forgotten that the baby wasn’t going to get to live.

“I will decide what’s necessary,” she said, and that meant it probably was. Poor baby. “Your job right now is to get yourself a comfortable spot here that you can maintain even if I’m thrown out, you understand me? What you’re doing with Nie-gongzi is good. His father indulges him beyond reason; if you make him love you, he will fight for you to stay no matter what happens.”

Meng Yao secretly thought that, in all honesty, getting Nie Mingjue to love him seemed a bit too easy a job.

He’d already tried to play his mother’s tricks, to make himself seem nice and accommodating, the sort of brother any many would love, but Nie Mingjue had seen him at his most bossy and capricious when he hadn’t known that it would made, and it was a bit late to recover the original impression now. And yet to his surprise it didn’t seem to matter, when Nie Mingjue was puzzled and even concerned by Meng Yao’s gentle and submissive behavior rather than enchanted by it, and when he eventually reverted back to something more natural just to make him stop prying. 

No, it didn’t seem to matter at all. Meng Yao was pretty sure that Nie Mingjue was already ready to die for him if need be.

Maybe not die. He shouldn’t think such things, especially not around his mother – especially not with Madame Nie gone, with Lao Nie’s next heir in Meng Shi’s belly and her eyes speculatively set on his bed.

“I’ll make sure of it,” Meng Yao promised, thinking that his mother’s fear of the abandonment of men was for once a good thing if it meant she hadn’t yet started thinking of how only a single child’s life stood between her sons – including her new son – and all the power and riches of the Nie sect.

He’d never thought to scheme against his mother before.

He wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to do it now, but…that poor baby.

Poor Nie Mingjue, too.

So Meng Yao went back to Nie Mingjue, but instead of doing what his mother wanted and earning his love – he had Nie Mingjue’s trust, and that was all he needed – he instead whispered in his ear about how happy old Lao Nie seemed to be with a woman by his side, pointed out his smiles when Meng Shi served him at dinner or asked to rearrange a room with some new decorations she’d found in the market.

“I mean, it makes sense,” Nie Mingjue said, his voice a little doubtful but not too much. “Even if she wasn’t his choice, she’s his responsibility, especially now, and it’s better if they like each other. What’s your point?”

“I’m just saying –”

“Oh, come off it, you never just say anything. You’re my brother! If you’ve got some thoughts, just tell me, and we’ll work on them together.” He laughed at Meng Yao’s shocked expression. “I’m not much of a scholar, but even I know that brothers are better off when they scheme together, rather than in parallel or against each other. What is it you want to do?”

Meng Yao weighed his options and spoke: “After the baby’s born, you and I should take care of it so that my mother and your father can spend more time together.”

“Is it that you’re worried about being cast out if they don’t get along? It won’t happen –”

“No, no,” Meng Yao said quickly, though he was, a little, and anyway it certainly was a good excuse to use. “But wouldn’t it be nice to have more brothers?”

Nie Mingjue was easily convinced, as always. “Maybe even a little sister!”

“But you can’t have new babies if you’re taking care of the old one,” Meng Yao continued, twisting truth a little and counting on the fact that Nie Mingjue didn’t seem to know too much about children or child-bearing. “That’s why we should take care of the baby ourselves.”

“Won’t we be too busy?” Nie Mingjue asked. “We’ll have lessons and classes and training –”

There was, Meng Yao conceded, an awful lot of training to do at the Nie sect.

“– while your mother will be resting and able to spend more time with the baby. And feed it, too, though maybe we should talk to someone about getting a wet-nurse to help her out…maybe a nanny goat as well…”

“A wet-nurse is a great idea,” Meng Yao said encouragingly. The less dependency they had on his mother for things for the baby, the better, and most especially when it came to the baby having enough to eat. One of the other women at the brothel had had a baby die from hunger once, when she stopped producing milk but lacked the money to buy a replacement. “But really, think about it – you said yourself that it’d be nice if we could teach the baby things.”

He pushed it as far as he could, and the heavens obligingly did the rest by giving his mother a difficult last few months – not so difficult that he felt afraid that he’d lose her to the birth, not with all the Nie sect’s expensive doctors fluttering around, but enough to exhaust her, and Nie Mingjue was convinced by the need to lift her burdens where he hadn’t been by more practical arguments.

And so little Nie Huaisang, when he was born, spent his first month of seclusion carefully guarded by his attentive brothers, and was then spirited away to their rooms the second they were able – it wouldn’t save him from the winter, Meng Yao thought with satisfaction, but it might save him from his mother.

His mother – their mother, now, but really still his mother – knew what he was doing and allowed it with an indulgent look, which he’d expected; after all he was her precious A-Yao, child of her youth and dreams, and as long as the mistake wasn’t fatal he was allowed to make one here and there.

And Nie Huaisang was a mistake worth making.

Meng Yao had taken a while to think so – he’d started out less than impressed with the baby, which was little more than a fleshy blob, capable of nothing but crying and emitting noxious bodily fluids, but Nie Mingjue had loved Nie Huaisang on sight, treating caring for him as a different type of training, and he’d been so enthusiastic that Meng Yao had gotten a little carried away by it. And after a while he discovered that Nie Huaisang would only settle down if he was there, if he helped, and that went to his head, leading him to preen like a peacock with pride (though it was good that Nie Huaisang eventually calmed enough to permit Nie Mingjue to assist before Meng Yao collapsed of exhaustion)…

All of a sudden it was real.

Nie Huaisang was his brother.

His real brother, a brother by blood – another child of their mother, small and clever and cunning like him, another who would stand by his side and make her proud, to show the world that they were more than just what she had been.

(He’d say that Nie Huaisang could help him beat anyone who said a bad word about her, but Nie Mingjue was doing a good job of that on his own, pretending all the while that he wasn’t doing it at all. As if he could keep a secret.)

Meng Yao was happy.

But then - 

Then it was winter.

The first little cough came during one of the classes on politics Meng Yao shared with Nie Mingjue, both of them writing their answers with delicate calligraphy – well, delicate and refined for Meng Yao, while Nie Mingjue’s brushstrokes were forceful yet elegant. Nie Mingjue didn’t notice the cough, absently hoisting Nie Huaisang a little higher in his non-writing arm, but Meng Yao was immediately frozen, thinking of what his mother had said.

He probably won’t survive his first winter.

Nie Huaisang was born in the late spring, which meant he was only half a year old when the winter came – some protection, but not much, and he was as weak as Meng Shi had predicted. The Nie sect had doctors aplenty, and Lao Nie spared no expense in getting medicine for his second son, but Meng Yao constantly worried that it wouldn’t be enough.

When Nie Huaisang continued to sicken, those soft little rasping breaths ringing in Meng Yao’s ear, he even started to wonder whether his mother really had done something after all, even though she knew he wanted Nie Huaisang to live, and he hated that he even thought it. And yet, he wondered...

His mother visited her sick son a few times, fewer than Nie Mingjue would like and more than Meng Yao wanted, and she had a good face for concern, full of gentle worry, good enough to fool anyone but her firstborn. Meng Yao overheard her crying once and was puzzled, only to understand when he heard Lao Nie comfort her that she wasn’t to blame, and that she wouldn’t be thrown out even if the child did die.

There were fewer visits after that, the purpose achieved.

(Meng Yao loved his mother, and knew she loved him – child of her heart that he was – but sometimes he thought he could almost hate her, too. It was a thought he’d had before, hidden deep in his heart, but only now that he knew there was more to life than her did he actually allow himself to think it.)

Nie Mingjue didn’t quite understand why she was acting the way she was, and Meng Yao determined in his heart that he never would. He might be younger in years than the boy he’d started (after a great deal of pressure and sad eyes like a lost puppy) to call his da-ge, but he was older in spirit. Perhaps if he were older, if he’d suffered more, he would resent Nie Mingjue’s carefree nature and the heart he wore on his sleeve, so easy to hurt and speaking of a lifetime of having not been hurt, but he was still young and all his dreams had come true – it was easy enough to shrug off the innocence and earnestness that, if he’d ever had it, he had lost it long ago.

It didn’t matter.

What mattered was the sleepless nights Nie Mingjue spent tending to Nie Huaisang, shoulder-to-shoulder with Meng Yao, persisting even when Meng Yao fell asleep; the way Meng Yao would always find a blanket covering him if he had, the way Nie Mingjue scolded him to eat while forgetting his own meals, the way he hide his tears for the times he thought Meng Yao couldn’t see or hear because he didn’t want to burden him –

“He’ll always be weak,” the doctors said, examining Nie Huaisang’s too-thin too-small frame, shuddering with coughs. “His muscle tone is low, his cultivation base unsteady…”

You might as well give up and try for another, they meant, and Nie Mingjue heard it as clearly as Meng Yao did.

And just as Meng Yao did, he refused to listen.

Where Meng Yao smiled at the doctors and thought of revenge, Nie Mingjue bristled and shouted, cursing them with as wide a vocabulary as he knew – wider, now that he had made Meng Yao’s acquaintance, than it had been before – and chased them away as frauds and liars.

And just as Meng Yao started to lose hope, Nie Huaisang turned a corner and got better.

“I don’t know if I can do that again,” Meng Yao said, staring with tears in his eyes at his little brother’s rising and falling chest, unhindered by any obstruction. “Next winter…”

“Next winter he’ll be older,” Nie Mingjue said, and wrapped an arm around him. “And so will we.”

Perhaps it was that that drove Nie Mingjue to pick up his saber a full two years before he rightfully should have received it, claiming a truly fearsome blade as his own if only he could master her, and after nearly a year of hard work he did. He named her Baxia, and Meng Yao thought of a creature strong enough to carry a mountain on its back – but it was of Nie Mingjue he thought.

(His own saber, he decided, would be named Chiwen, and like him it would draw evil away from others, taking it all on himself and swallowing it into his belly where it could rot him through and through if it meant that those he loved most would remain untainted by it.)

[drxwsyni]

Would you do hc's for hizashi, shouta, and toshinori's darling being a few years younger then them?

Thx for the request anon! For this one let’s go with the age gap being 5-10 years, mostly because many people may not think three or so years is a large difference.

_____

Headcanons for Yandere Hizashi Yamada/Present Mic, Shouta Aizawa/Eraserhead and Toshinori Yagi/All Might with a darling who’s younger than them

Hizashi Yamada/Present Mic:

The difference would almost be a blessing, as far as he’s concerned.

He’s got more energy than he knows what to do with, so having a darling who’s younger, not weighed down by the few challenges ageing presents at his stage of life would be perfect.

He’s very well informed about all the newest trends and whatnot, so finding something to do with his darling would never be a problem.

Early in the relationship things would be great. He would have tons of fun with them, knowing exactly what would be the best use of their time and energy.

Not only that but he’s got the money to do whatever they want: concerts, theme parks, you name it.

But a lot of his energy is also invested in finding out the dangers that recent trends may hold.

Anything that has to do with drugs, alcohol, even challenges orbiting on the internet would be strictly off the table.

If this is where a rift occurs in the relationship, say if his darling doesn’t think it’s a big deal, that would set Hizashi off.

Part of his actions are fueled by being a hero, and thus knowing that even if things like that are fun, many of them go against quite a few laws. It’s also because even if they are legal, it’s just too dangerous.

He’d be deathly afraid that his darling would get caught up in the wrong things, and having one bad decision lead to another.

It’s safe to say that when/if he realizes his darling is too relaxed with these issues, he’d put them on an extremely short leash.

It wouldn’t matter how much he wants to indulge them with a good time, there are just too many risks.

If his darling fails to see things the same way, especially if they ignore him completely, there’d be nothing stopping him from keeping them away from these bad influences by force.

Of course he’d still allow the pastimes he’d deem safe, but given how much he knows, there’s likely not much that wouldn’t have some connection to bad behaviour.

_____

Shouta Aizawa/Eraserhead:

He’d have absolutely no patience for any antics his darling gets up to for the sake of youth.

It would be something made very clear at the start of their relationship.

Would be quite blunt about it, telling them exactly what this reckless activity could do to them.

He wouldn’t be surprised if his darling didn’t take him seriously at first. He’d resolve to teach them a lesson as to how dangerous getting up to such activities was.

Shouta would likely warn his darling as to what would happen if they didn’t listen to his concerns, and after that simply wait until they went against him.

He’d have no problem stringing them up by his capture weapon and leaving them until their limbs went numb from the constriction. After a while he’d come back to lecture them as to why what they did was so wrong, and at that point his darling would be in no state of mind to argue.

The learning curve would be steep, but sooner or later the lessons would sink in.

However if his darling still wished to be stubborn, it would only convince him that they’re likely never to take him seriously. It would leave him with no option but to remove them from society completely for their own good.

He’d tell his darling as many times as he had to why he couldn’t let them leave, not an ounce of leniency would be given if they still couldn’t wrap their head around it.

Would provide them with healthier pastimes, like reading or drawing. Even then he’d still watch them closely to make sure they didn’t have access to harmful materials.

_____

Toshinori Yagi/All Might:

My god would this man ever be the most smothering, overprotective person ever with his darling.

It’s conflicting to him. He knows that his darling can be a mature adult, and he desperately wishes that they’ll use this maturity to stay away from anyone their age who is a bad influence.

But he’s lived long enough to know how easy it is to get caught up in stuff that may seem like harmless fun at the beginning.

He’d sit his darling down and have a long talk over the dangers that may be imposed on them.

It’s very patronizing, and completely belittles his darling’s intelligence.

Toshinori would be extremely upset if he realizes that his darling doesn’t mind taking these risks in life.

For a short while he’ll gently encourage them to move away from whatever harmful trend is floating around.

However he’d still be the fastest to remove any sense of freedom from his darling, being too afraid that leaving them for even a second with these opportunities would put them in danger.

Generally, he would treat his darling like they’re more fragile if there’s a significant age difference.

He doesn’t mean it as an insult, rather that his darling is just too naive for their own good at the moment, and it’s just one of the many other reasons why they need him to look after them.

[dreamii-yume]

Ohh Queen Yume you've opened the floodgates!! Which guys would be head over heels over a gorgeous, kind sensei!MC?? Who would feel conflicted about their feelings and who are shameless enough to try to pursue her?

“Tell the guards to open up...THE GATES~”

EVERYONE (΄◉◞౪◟◉｀) fight me with this one, Darlings.

Everyone would be up our Darling Sensei’s ass, I BET YOU MY LIFE SUPPORT. The better question at this point would be asking which wouldn’t be attracted to a beautiful Sensei lol

Riddle would act as if it’s the end of the world as falling in love with a teacher is a huge violation of many rules. Though he sometimes slips up with little gestures that makes him stutter and blush uncharacteristically, he can hide his emotions very well. He will try to kill these forbidden feelings, but doing so just breaks his heart. He secretly wants you to come and save him, recognizing him like he does withyou.

Deuce would be ashamed for falling in love with a teacher, how can he tell his mother about this? He came here to become a model student, not to become so attached to his own instructor. He tries to hide as much as he can but he’s a blushing mess with just the slightest attention from you, anyone could instantly tell what’s up. It’s just a matter of time before Sensei herself realized this precious boy’s feelings.

Jack is conflicted. Why was he feeling this way towards his teacher out of all people available? I see him as someone who fully respects you, he’ll be less violent and even if you haven’t noticed, you already got him perfectly tamed. He’ll keep his feelings for himself and wouldn’t ever plan to tell anyone. Though people have been noticing how slightly protective he’s being with you, of course he’ll violently deny them all. But sometimes it can’t be helped, his own tail would involuntary sway back and forth so excitedly if you go as far as to graze him.

Sebek doesn’t seem to like it, poor boy is just really confused. He should already be dedicated to his young master, he doesn’t need these silly feelings to add to his plate! You’re a teacher! You’re a person that he should respect and pay attention to for knowledge but instead, he’s disgusted at the way you haunt his dreams every night! He can’t believe he’s already falling in love with a human like you! Stop making him feel all giddy on the inside, it’s some sort of spell, isn’t it!?

Poor Idia just can’t take a break, can he? When he’s already stuck in a school full of self-centered brats, how dare you come and knock at his closed-off, introverted heart? He knew these kinds of scenarios from all the dating sims he’ve played but never in his life had he thought that he will find himself in the same situation. That being said, he’s still anxious to come and talk to you personally, his tablet was one way but even that doesn’t feel enough. He might really be going crazy as he starts to want to go outside just to meet you...

Silver can’t seem to put two and two together, he couldn’t quite figure out why his heart was beating so fast for his Darling Sensei. He would ask his father for any explanation but wouldn’t get anything out of it but a simple chuckle. That’s fine, something tells him that he wouldn’t be able to trust his advices anyway. Whatever it is, he’s quite fond of it and he doesn’t seem to care much, he does become really sad when you’re away though.

As we already established, Ace can be quite shameless when it comes to his feelings. He won’t outright say what he feels for you, but he’ll constantly flirt and tease you when he has the chance. Don’t be surprised when you begin to notice him actually trying to cope a feel or looking up your skirt because that’s just him. Also, be careful, he’s very prone to using dirty handed tricks to capture your attention.

Leona is another shameless one, he doesn’t care about status, if he sees a prey, it’s just natural for him to bite from the neck, right? What’s wrong with being a little older? He’s not even that young compared to these useless herbivore, he’s the best that you can get. It wouldn’t be much of an exaggeration to say that your class might just be the only class that Leona wouldn’t skip. Mainly because he might miss some exclusive view of you, like when your skirt would hitch up every time you bend over to grab something. He wouldn’t hesitate to grope either, that ass is just too tempting not to bite to at least once.

Floyd is difficult to deal with, since he’s likely the most shameless one out of the bunch. He doesn’t care about you being a teacher, Sensei is Sensei regardless! He’ll bother you at every opportunity he gets and at every place he sees you at. He’ll make excuses to meet you up, even going as far as to skip class just so you could take the effort and search for him. It bothers you a little that this particular student of yours constantly keeps asking questions about your lectures even if he always seems to already know the answer.

I’d say Malleus would also be shameless but he doesn’t actually realize that he’s being one. Forgive him for acting so strangely possessive and clingy around you, following you everywhere like a lost baby animal. It’s just that he’s not familiar with having romantic feelings with someone, let alone a mere human. He doesn’t see anything special in your role as a teacher, he had lived much, much longer than you after all.

Lilia is amused, to think that someone as wise as him had actually fallen in love with someone who was supposed to be his ‘teacher’. Never in his long life had he found himself in this kind of situation, it’s interesting! It’s not like it’s a problem anyway, you are nothing more than a child compared to his actual age, you’re just a mortal teaching him stuff that he already knew. But it doesn’t hurt to take advantage of his youthful appearance now, does it? Lilia’s excited to know where this relationship can go.

Sometimes, Trey and Jamil just doesn’t feel like a student to you. Being a lot more mature than the other students, you just can’t help but to rely on them for a lot of things. Maybe that’s probably why you’ll never notice how deeply in love these two are with you, they’re just that good when it comes to hiding emotions. They’ll give subtle hints here and there and Trey, most likely, might even flirt with you at some point but you’ll be so familiar with him by now that you wouldn’t even mind. I’d say Trey’s a bit on the shameless side, but not in a way that makes him clingy while Jamil is the type to just keep quiet but secretly and skillfully making moves.

Cater is categorized as shameless when it comes to expressing his feelings, but when Darling’s a teacher, things becomes a little...complicated. Don’t get him wrong, he’ll be the same as always, so talkative and energetic around you, even calling out for you with a cute nickname. He’ll even flirt like you’re the same age as him but he would always make it seem like a joke. If you’re a teacher, he’ll also be very careful about posting something about you in his Magicam, he knows how this works anyway. One word out that you’re becoming too close with a particular student, you’ll risk losing your job. Cater doesn’t want that happening anytime soon, but just know that he can make it happen too if he absolutely needs to. Until then, it’s all good and dandy!

Ruggie wouldn’t be guilty nor conflicted about his feelings, but he wouldn’t be as shameless as to scream out his feelings to everyone around him. No, only an idiot will do that and it’s embarrassing so, no thank you. Instead, he can play the long game, he’s a patient guy despite how he looks. Besides, he’s used to these kinds of stuff by now so it’s not that much different~! Expect many coincidences with him in it though!

Azul appears to be very calm on the inside, always helping you out whenever you need him without asking for anything in return. That’s what he is, a simp a gracious student ready to help his dear teacher out any time! But that’s what you think, in reality, he’s just desperately trying to earn your favor by being your “Yes-man”. He believes that if he became the goodest boy in your eyes, you’ll be able to love him as much as he does with you. Although, just expect a few tears and tantrums when he doesn’t get his way though.

Jade is so different from his brother that it surprises you that they’re even twins in the first place. He respects your boundaries, even if he wanted nothing more than to become as shameless as his other half. He’s very active when it comes to your lessons too, always paying attention with the greatest interest. He even serves you tea as refreshments and helps you with work if he feels as if you’re overworking yourself. He’s not really the type to care whether you’re a teacher, “I wonder~?” He’ll be very vague about it if anyone dares to ask but if you look closely, that smile says it all.

Kalim wouldn’t be able to recognize his feelings for a really long time. He’ll think it’s just normal to feel this way, for his heart to beat this fast, for his face to heat up, for thoughts of you to flow through his head even at night. But when he does, all those times he shamelessly clung to you and talked to you will come back to attack him all at once. He’ll actually lower down his affection levels because he was told that liking a teacher is bad and it might actually cost you your job. But it’s so difficult! It wouldn’t hurt to spend...a little more time with you, would it!?

Vil thinks it’s stupid of him and of you. He thinks he’s stupid for falling in love with someone like you, his own teacher, it’s unbelievable how low his standards had become. But at the same time, he thinks you’re stupid for not being able to understand why he fell in love with you in the first place too. Despite the salt of falling in love with someone like you of all people, it doesn’t change the fact the he’ll keep on striving to become the best for you. He wants you to notice him, notice his improvements, and make you feel how lucky you are for catching his attention, so would you try and look at him in a different way for once?

Rook just loves anyone and anything, does he? Everything is beautiful in his eyes and yet, there was something about you that shines the brightest amongst all others. There should be no shame in expressing his feelings, he’ll shout it out loud to world. His eccentric personality is working against his favor too, even if honestly and openly admitted his feelings towards you with everyone, no one will actually take it seriously. But what others perceives to be true isn’t always true, Darling.

I’m not quite sure where to put Epel in all of this, something’s telling me that he would be on the shameless side only if he’s willing to show his much more aggressive side. However, I can imagine him being worried to show that side to you, since you were already put under the impression that he’s a dainty, gentle boy. Although he doesn’t like being treated like he’s the most fragile thing of all people, he can’t deny the attention he gets from you whenever he’s acting like this. Epel doesn’t really seem to care if you’re a teacher in all of this, he knew that it’s not good but he’s determined. Once he graduates, he’ll definitely make a move on you so, just you wait...!

Before I knew it, I made something for every character holy shi- my teacher kink is terrifying.

Also, yes, Darlings! Yume changed her usename from “amai-no-yume” to “dreamii-yume”! ( ＾∀＾) To tell you the truth, I didn’t expect to like posting sins in tumblr this much ヽ(；▽；) So I ended picking such a half-ass username! But now, I decided to change it to something hopefully cuter and more appropriate! ( ´ ▽ ` )

Nice to meet you again, Darlings~!

[ticklefits]

AO3 LINK! | tickletober day 2: HIDING.

yuri!! on ice | phichit chulanont & katsuki yuuri | words : 1130 | anon request

Professional skating means professional training. It also means aspects of the physical form, like stamina, are developed to become stronger and last longer than the average person's. Well, thank god for Yuuri enduring through Victor's professional training, because the amount of time he's had to hold his breath while crouched low under Phichit's bed would be astounding to the right few.

"Yuuri!!" Yep, he's definitely mad. Not the I'm going to rip your head off kind of mad ( i.e. Yurio's type of anger ), but the just wait until I find you and tickle the shit out of you kind of mad, because when an angel like Phichit becomes angry at you, his first method of punishment is of course going to be something inherently light-hearted. 

Dark eyes widen when Yuuri notices Phichits feet within his line of sight under the bed. He knew he shouldn't have allowed Guang Hong to persuade him to prank his fellow skater, especially since it involved his social media, which is a nigh sacred thing to Phichit.  It'll be funny, he said. Phichit will die laughing about it, he said. He observes those feet marching closer and closer to the bed and for a moment, Yuuri feels as though his end is near. On top of being embarrassingly ticklish, Phichit is frighteningly good at tickling and that goes double for tickling Yuuri specifically. He hears the closet door swing open and a huff of frustration falling from the other before he eventually leaves the room. 

A few seconds of absolute silence pass and Yuuri, foolishly, believes he's in the clear. Slowly, like a prey feeling out the area after having been alerted to a predator, Yuuri crawls out from underneath the bed and permits himself a diminutive breath of relief. Something he let loose all too soon.

"Aha!!" Comes the loud, accusatory call from Phichit, who's reappeared back in the open frame of his door with an index finger pointed directly at his best friend. "You thought you could hide from me, didn't you, Yuuri!" 

The aforementioned male squeaks and rolls onto his back, palms up and arms outstretched from his chest, as if in attempt to admit defeat before Phichit makes any moves. 

"Ah! Um, n-no! Not at all! I was just -- uh -- making sure… you didn't.. l-leave your skates under your bed again! Remember last time? You ended up nearly tripping ov---" A little too late, but Yuuri quickly realizes that reminiscing on an embarrassing mishap of Phichit's, when he's already agitated with him, is probably not the wisest of choices; that’s further evidenced by the tanned youth’s cheeks puffing out with a pout drawn across his lips. 

“I’ll have you know that I hang my skates beside my bed now, as a symbol of love and honor towards the sport!” Probably not the best place to hang those skates, considering they could fall from their hook on the wall and Phichit may still trip over them - but Yuuri wasn’t about to say that and speak his ticklish demise into existence. Not that it wasn’t going to happen anyway, because as soon as Yuuri attempts a rapid spin to stand and venture an escape, Phichit closes in and tackles him down onto the bed. Fingers jump right into action, scribbling all over Yuuri’s sides and stomach, whilst keeping his body pinned with his weight. The reaction is immediate; Yuuri squirms like an unearthed worm being beaten down by the sun’s rays, giggling already in hysterics. Curse his hyper - sensitive skin! Every scritch and squeeze jolts through him like an electric current and he’s only made extra sensitive by Phichit’s abrupt teases. 

“Do you see? You wouldn’t have to deal with such ticklish torture if you hadn’t messed with my insta page!” 

“Ahahahahaha! I-I’m sohohohorry! It wahahasn’t -- j-just mehehehehe!” The longer those slender digits torture his stomach, the higher of an octave his laughter raises. Yuuri’s hands fly forward to grip onto Phichit’s wrists to try and deter him in any way, but with the strength he possessed before now usurped by the ticklish sensations, grabbing onto his friend hasn’t proven useful at all. If anything, he’s only been encouraged to migrate elsewhere and Yuuri’s about to regret that decision. 

“Now, you’re right, it wasn’t just you, and Guang will receive his punishment the next time I see him. Buuuut for now, all I see is you, so you’re getting yours first!” There’s a particularly playful evil lurking within the intentions of Phichit’s words and Yuuri swears he will never, ever prank the other skater again. Too bad for Yuuri, because Phichit isn’t quite done helping him learn his lesson. “Y’know, I’m still a good friend. Let me help you; I wanna make sure you’ve got the right amount of ribs!” 

Oh no. 

“Phi--Phichihihihihit, nohoho--!” It’s too late. Ignoring Yuuri’s mirth-laden request, those deft digits travel to the expanse of his ribs and begin to count each one of them, aloud, and to just to make sure Yuuri feels it, Phichit spends some time in between each bone, with gentle, maddening strokes that have Yuuri unhinging his jaw in ripe shrieks of laughter. 

“Ohoho, I totally forgot about how ticklish you are on your ribs! It’s one of your worst spots right? Who would’ve thought?” He’s simply being a brat now and if Yuuri could form coherent thoughts, he’d already be planning a vendetta. For now, he’s buried in merriment, some of it obviously forced, but even he couldn’t deny how much fun he’s actually having, and Phichit would say the same thing. Still, even good things must come to an end, and the social media star finally trusts that his friend understands why it isn’t a good idea to prank him. His fingers halt, smooth themselves over Yuuri’s stomach, earning him a stray giggle, but then are removed altogether. Yuuri sucks in as much oxygen as he can, laying unmoving atop the bed, glasses all askew and hopefully, not broken or cracked. 

Phichit slides off of the other, appearing rather proud of himself, hand on a hip, while its counterpart is extended to aid Yuuri off of his bed. “Now, I know you’re probably going to want to get me back…,” he starts and bites back a shiver at the small smirk spreading across Yuuri’s lips at his words, “However, if I let you help me teach Guang this same lesson, since it is partly his fault why you got tickled in the first place, will you let me off the hook?”

Yuuri goes silent, truly contemplating the ultimatum he’s given. He nods then, his smirk deflating into a smile as he stands up next to Phichit, who doesn’t see his hand behind his back, with two fingers crossed. “Count me in.”