#ok because clearly they did that because in the more recent books (canonically YEARS after the dark war) alec does become a really big

[katnissgirlsmakedo]

yk how like a week ago i found out that thomas gets accused of being the murderer. well i just read the scene. man looks guilty as fuck it must be said :( like he’s not, WE know he’s not. but well. the inquisitor doesn’t.

[allmightluver]

**bnha spoilers** I'm just sat here with renewed realisation of what All Might is going through. 40 years. /40 years/ he held and refined that power and dedicated his every waking (and sleeping if Vigilantes is anything to go by) moment towards the goal of defeating AfO and creating a society in which people could feel happy and safe. And now as it turns out AfO is still alive, society is broken and he has given a literal piece of his soul to this young boy leaving himself with only phantoms

Yes. I don’t think people quite grasp what all he’s going through.

It’s been shown recently to us that some, if not most, heroes have underlying ambitions in becoming a hero. Whether for money, glory, fame, popularity, doesn’t matter. They’re ultimately in it for themselves. Toshinori’s intentions from the beginning have been the most pure- he wanted to be a symbol that people can look to and know things will be ok. A symbol of hope. This boy was only around 14 years old when he decided this. What kind of 14 year old sees the world that clearly? Sees that people have no hope, that a veil of darkness covers them. The only thing I can think of is- Toshinori did not have a good childhood. Something had to have happened to a boy that young to stop seeing the joy in life so early, and see the world’s flaws. Truthfully, I believe he was an outcast- due to his quirklessness. Most likely an orphan, perhaps abandoned by his parents, as we’ve never seen him have any family. I do truly believe Toshinori has been alone all his life. I don’t doubt more could have happened to him as a child before he met Nana. 

Some may argue that Izuku is the same age, and therefore it shouldn’t be that hard to see why Toshinori wanted to be a hero at such a young age. BUT, Izuku had someone to look up to, ever since he was a child of four years old, to inspire him to be a hero his whole life *cough cough* All Might. Izuku also was quirkless, much like Toshinori, and an outcast because of it (hence where I assume Toshinori was much the same). But ultimately, Izuku wanted to save people because he saw his hero do it. It really wasn’t until Izuku was a bit older, has been in UA, has been on rescue missions, has seen what the heroes see, that I think he’s truly realized how dark the world really is. Toshinori didn’t have that. He didn’t have someone to inspire him as a child, someone to look up to, a hero to inspire him to help others. At that time, heroes hadn’t become as popular as they are in present times. Toshinori saw the world for what it was, on his own, at a tender age. I think that day Nana ran into this blonde hair kid, she eyed him up, noticed his scraggly form, looked into those captivating blue eyes, and saw a man who’s lived through the world’s horrors- experienced the worst it has to offer-, and wants to save everyone he can from the same fate, all in a 14 year old boy. 

Then after only a few short years with the woman he saw as his mother, she’s killed in front of him because of his own weakness- he wasn’t strong enough yet to protect her. The only other person his life, Gran Torino, literally abused him. He beat him to a pulp, taking his own emotions out on a teenager, and I doubt Toshinori said anything of it. He probably thought he deserved it. He’s still afraid of Gran Torino to this day, remembering the beatings and expecting more for his failures- even if he doesn’t know what they are surely he’s at fault for something, but he’s the only person who’s stood by his side for this long. Even while at a distance, and spouting nothing but criticisms along the way. But Toshinori had to put aside his own emotions to be that hope for everyone. He left everything he knew to go to a new country on his own, to learn how to be a hero, to be that hope for someone.

Vigilantes showed us just how hard he worked. Toshinori literally stayed awake with no sleep for days on end- 3 in the chapter I’m referencing- because people needed help, people needed saving, and no one else stepped up. He fought villains, rescued civilians, repaired damage, cleared rubble, (even accept and eat food that was against his dietary restrictions after his injury) whatever the public needed, all while draining himself further. He worked himself to the point of exhaustion because he had no help, once literally falling asleep while mid-leap across the city because he simply could go no further. 

^^These happen in succession of each other^^

No one stepped up to say “Hey, Mr. Number 1, you’ve been working hard lately. Let me help you!” No one tried to take over his position. Even the Number 2 hero, Endeavor, never tried to take some of his burden. His only goal was to try to be better than All Might in terms of power- he was never trying to be the hero that the people relied on All Might for. Everyone relied on him when things looked grim. He was the back up plan. And all of this happened before Toshinori’s injury. 

The only thing he ever wanted to do- help people- he can’t do (at least the way he’s always known how to). The ability to save people has been taken from him in the most gruesome way. He was finally able to fight the man that killed Nana, and in a rage that I’m sure echoed with all of the emotions of the previous users, he smashed that man’s head like a grape. But not without consequence. Several organs are gone. The pain is excruciating. He wears that man’s mark on his body for the rest of his life, never truly able to rid himself of the filth.

Then we have Nighteye’s betrayal. The man that helped him as a sidekick, the man that grew to be his only friend. Now some people may ask why Toshinori flipped like he did to Nighteye looking into his future when he was concerned about him making it through his injury. What I believe is Toshinori didn’t want to know when he would die (and really, who does). Now he knows he’s on a time limit, knows the clock is ticking. Time is running out to keep the world at peace, and with him as he is now, how long can this go on? 

I think the betrayal, doing something that Toshinori specifically asked him not to do, is what hurt the most. How can he trust Nighteye anymore? He already can only count on one hand the people he can trust, let alone befriend.

He’s wasted away into a skeleton, a shell of the man he used to be. He can’t over exert himself without his only lung bleeding in protest. It’s canon in the side books that he really doesn’t eat much, which isn’t good for his diet without a stomach now (he’s supposed to have several small meals a day). He is quite literally punishing himself by starving. (Granted, he doesn’t feel hunger anymore.) He’s a sick man, beyond medical help at this point. They can only stabilize him and hope for the best. For five years now he’s in constant pain, every day. He loses blood like sweat. Surely his veins are bruised and collapsed with how many times he would have needed to be hospitalized. Whether from losing too much blood, being too dehydrated or starved from “forgetting” to eat, or an organ failing as body continues to fall apart. “...even as my body rots and grows frail...” - Toshinori People are bound to stare at him as he walks down the street. A tall, willowy, skeleton with a grimace on his face and blood stains on his clothes as he coughs up more into his own hands. There would be the ones who outright ignore him when they walk by, the people who offer pitying smiles and sympathetic glances or just outright stare, and then ones who are afraid of his appearance- children screaming at the mere sight of him and running to their parents to hide from the monster. Each one is another knife in Toshinori’s side, an ache in his chest. If only they knew who I really am.

Losing Nighteye took a toll on his hero work as well. Mirai was a huge help in the past, and took care of all Toshinori’s paperwork, while also reminding him to take care of himself. Without him, Toshinori was even more buried beneath his responsibilities. Plus, now he was on a time limit. He even snapped briefly in his first meeting with Tsukauchi, accidentally revealing himself as All Might because he was under too much pressure, and telling the detective he literally couldn’t handle doing everything by himself (who graciously took over the paperwork side of things for him). 

He was living a double life now, having to lie to people left and right about who he was while in his small form, about how he became so sickly, why he was here in the first place who the heck is this skinny old guy. Surely he had multiple visits to the doctor while continuing to repair the damage done by AFO (there’s a limit to how much the body can handle at once. And things I’m sure continued to fail as time went on). Then he would be bedridden for as long as the doctors could keep him strapped to a bed, until he couldn’t take the people’s cries for help any longer, and would jump into action. (It’s also revealed he has something of a super hearing- able to hear danger- which may have been a form of danger sense of OFA that was never fully unlocked?. Either way, he surly could sense disasters happening while he could only lay and heal from his latest surgery. Those poor doctors must have had to re-stitch him several times). People blame him for not preparing society for his retirement, that he failed in passing on the torch so to speak, but in reality he did everything possible to keep society from falling for 40 years, doing all within his power just to keep things afloat. He is only one person. One human being, he can’t do everything despite trying to. Society failed All Might.

People blame him for not being a good teacher. He didn’t exactly have the greatest teacher himself to learn from. He’s never had to teach anyone anything, he just punches! He’s learning. And for his own credit, he’s an incredibly wise man, he has years of experience under his belt, and an intelligence score of 6/6, scoring up there with Nezu! He may not always have the right way to bring something up, but he’s doing his best. Yet even he blames himself for Izuku not being able to control his quirk better. Every time the boy hurts himself, it’s just another tally on the chalkboard of Toshinori’s failures. He himself knows the boy deserves better, better than him. Useless. Pathetic.

Then his friend from America, Dave, essentially became a villain trying to preserve Toshinori’s legacy after Toshinori told him about his injury. Dave went behind his back, threatened people, injured people (pretty sure people died), all for Toshinori’s sake. Something he didn’t want to begin with. Having to put your only other friend in jail for trying to help you surely couldn’t have been easy.

Oh, by the way? All For One isn’t dead. All Might will fight him again, publicly, have his weakened form exposed to the world, and have his own emotions toyed with as he finds out about his master’s grandson in the villain’s hands. Would Nana hate him for leaving her son alone like she’d asked, and dooming her grandchild to be raised by the greatest villain? Could he have done anything to save him? But Toshinori isn’t allowed to feel, he has to smile and push his own feelings aside once again, because there’s a villain to be fought, and only he can fight him. Despite coming out on top, he’ll have suffered severe head trauma, broken left arm, destroyed right arm, and several cuts and bruises that are sure to scar. And then, his quirk, the only thing that’s been allowing him to help people, the gift given to him that he carefully held for 40 years and molded into his own until his very consciousness was permanently carved into it, blows out like a match in the wind. And he’s done. Used up. Empty. Broken. Hollow. Alone, again.

He overhears his student, Bakugo, admit that he blames himself for All Might’s retirement. If he hadn’t been captured, All Might wouldn’t have had to save him, and he wouldn’t have had to fight AFO. Of course Toshinori knows that’s not true, his time was about to run out anyway. It would have happened one way or another. But how can he explain to this child that he wasn’t the cause of his hero, the world’s greatest hero, fighting for his sake, bleeding for his sake, being forced into retirement to keep him safe. Every time Bakugo sees the bandages covering Toshinori’s body is another reminder of the pain and sacrifice Toshinori willingly gave to keep him safe. Toshinori wasn’t held when his mentor died. He wasn’t told it was ok to be sad, that grief and mourning was a natural process, that it takes time to heal. He wasn’t told it was ok to cry. Instead his feelings were beaten out of him as he wondered if Gran Torino blamed him for Nana’s death. He already blamed himself How then, does he comfort a child mourning for him? For what he lost.

And then he gets the call to come to the hospital. Mirai, Nighteye, his old sidekick friend, has been gravely injured, much like he himself was only a few years ago, and most likely won’t survive the night. And to his horror, Nighteye is happy to see him, smiles at him, says he doesn’t hate him for what happened, only wants Toshinori to be happy. He can’t accept that, at least let him apologize, reconcile his sins before it’s too late! But it is. Another fractured piece of his heart gone.

Of course, seeing your students beat up and their arms completely destroyed must have hurt. Instead of being able to save these kids, they’re the ones that hurt themselves to save everyone else. And if Bakugo had kept OFA, things could have been very different (especially with what we know now of OFA and people with quirks). Toshinori wasn’t mad at Izuku for transferring it away, he’d never regret choosing Izuku, and I believe he still would have stayed by Izuku and Bakugo’s side should it have stayed in Bakugo, doing whatever he could to help.

As he tells Aizawa, “I’ve decided to live,” -that statement seems so melancholy, besides obvious reasons. It sounds more like another task he has to accomplish. He didn’t die he was supposed to die with the AFO fight, and now the whole life he lived is over. The world has no use for him anymore. If not for Izuku, he’d have nothing left keeping him here. But because his boy made him promise to live, he’ll do so. Though it almost seems like he says those words with regret. “I’ve decided to live.” Not, “I’m going to live!” “Nothing can kill me!” “I won’t go down without a fight!” No. “I’ll live if I have to, only because you asked me to.” The man is obviously and outwardly depressed. He has so many things against him. No doubt has severe PTSD, anxiety, among others. Not to mention his own physical health. Every day hurts. It’s painful to be alive. Why would he torture himself if he doesn’t have to? For you, my boy. You’re the only thing keeping me here. The only light in my dark world.

He tries to help Izuku find out the previous holder’s quirks, to help his boy in any way he can now that he’s worthless, and goes days on end without sleep, running his body into the ground. He even forgets Christmas. Only to find that by giving the boy the same gift he had received, he may have just doomed him to an early death, among psychological torture (danger detection). (Granted, he really doesn’t know how everything works, and he’s afraid to talk to anyone about it). His boy could live only half a life.

It’s only been a few months since he retired, and society has fallen into shambles. People are blaming him. People are dying. He watches helplessly as his colleague fight his fight for him, and end up battered, bruised, crippled, dead. He students, his boy, battle the monster he should have killed. Children are bleeding. This shouldn’t happen. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Is everything he worked for, everything he fought to protect, to build up, to inspire, is all for naught?! Did he live a foolish dream and doom the world? Was all the the friends he lost, tears he shed, the organs he destroyed, the pain he endures on a daily basis from the hole in his side, and the blood he continues to bleed every day, for nothing? The public, the ones he protected for so long, mourn his absence, but surely there are those among them who also blame him. The statue from his last fight in Kamino one that he never asked for was decimated in a mock of his catch phrase- the one that was supposed to give hope.

Now he can feel his own vestige speaking with Izuku in the OFA realm, even with out OFA in his own body anymore. His clock as nearly reached it’s limit, Nighteye’s prediction is due any day now. The only thing he wants is to see his boy smile at him, to give him some shred of hope. Yet the child remains unconscious, and Toshinori can’t even hold his hand from the bandages covering his arms. Will he still be able to fight? Is there any coming back from this now? Did I break him?

With all Toshinori has been through, I’m honestly surprised we haven’t seen him just outright break down. Anyone, anyone, else should have crumbled under the pressure of holding up the world for 40 years alone. And instead of being able to pass it on to someone when he can no longer bear its weight, it simply falls to into the abyss. People don’t credit All Might enough for everything he’s done. Most don’t realize the sacrifices he’s made. His character is so unbelievably profound and deep, it’s more than just the “I am here!” people focus on. He’s a deeply troubled, layered, complex character. And I can’t find fault within him.

[persepholline]

I've read that article about the romanticization of the Darkling and while I absolutely understand people who are pissed off/sad and I agree that it's shitty, I find LB's attitude towards Darkles stans very funny in a "girl what are you doing" sort of way because it's so petty like I've never heard of a bestselling author writing a portion of their fans into their books as a crazy cult before, it clearly hit a nerve

I'm new to the fandom but the feeling I get is she wrote something problematic ten years ago and became very embarrassed about it afterwards so she turned on the fans that liked it as a way to absolve herself. Especially since fandoms in general have become a lot more focused on discussion of what constitutes healthy/acceptable relationships to write about. And in a way I get it I had a huge Twilight phase in high school and afterwards I was super embarassed about it because of how problematic and cringe it was. But now with distance and more maturity I'm able to both still see why it was problematic and also why I was drawn to it (mostly the very unhinged representation of female desire) and like...it's really not the end of the world and no it never made me believe that breaking into somebody's room at night to watch them sleep was actually ok in real life lmao. This feels so obvious to me but apparently it needs to be said.

(More under the break this is turning into an essay, I've been thinking of this a lot recently)

And of course it's good to have these discussions about how historically romance tropes have echoed social dynamics of men's shitty behavior being romanticized and excused. But these days they often are so simplistic and focused on chasing clout that they become this weird new puritanism and moral panic about oh now women are reading novels it's going to make them hysterical or something

So you have these weird assumptions that you can't like a character and also be critical of their actions, or enjoy certain parts of a character and not others, or wish they were written differently and like them more for their potential (which I'm sure stings a bit for an author lol) - it assumes that if you like a character it means you would approve of their actions in real life, or that people just stupidly reproduce whatever they see on TV. That tendency to treat fictional characters like real people is the thing that actually worries me, to be honest, because it indicates a lack of distance and critical capacities regarding how stories are used and received. But people - fans and authors - are so scared of being called out as problematic and harassed for it that they're going to shy away from any nuance.

And yeah I think that it's good that standards of what constitutes an ideal relationship are evolving and becoming more feminist and communicative and all that and we definitely need more of that. But not all fiction has to be aspirational! Sometimes you just want to read about fucked up shit, because it's cathartic or fascinating, even healing at times because with fiction you are absolutely in control and can choose when to close the book. Toxic relationships in fiction can have an appeal specifically because they go to extremes of feeling that we don't want to go to in reality, in exactly the same way as horror movies or very violent action movies - which I don't see a lot of people besides fundamentalist Christians argue that they turn you into violent psychopaths (and that feels very obviously sexist). And for women, who are often taught growing up that love is the purpose of life, the "saving someone with your ability to love" can be a power fantasy in the same way that being a buff superhero who saves the day with their capacity for incredible violence can be a power fantasy for men. Still doesn't mean those women are going to fall in love with actual murderers or that those men are going to start beating up people at night. And love is scary, and weird, and weirdly close to horror at times, with all the potential for loss of self and being vulnerable and overwhelming feelings and potential for being horribly hurt and it should be possible for stories to explore that without anybody screaming about how this is going to Corrupt the Youth or something

And I mean I get it LB wanted to write a cautionary tale for teenagers, but it just did not work for reasons a lot of people have already written about - the fact that the Darkling is the leader of an oppressed minority and is the only one with a real political agenda to end that oppression in the first trilogy, the fact that he helps Alina come into her own power while her endgame LI is someone she keeps herself small for, that she's shamed for wanting power after growing up without any, a generally very wonky conception of privilege, and a lot of other stuff with yucky regressive implications to the point where stanning the villain actually feels liberating and empowering which is a surefire sign that the narrative is broken (unless it's a villain focused story lmao). But of course that Fanside article makes almost no mention of the political dynamics, it's all about interpersonal stuff which is an annoying trend in YA, there are those massive events happening in the background but it's made all about the feelings of the hero(ine) ; war as a self-development quest (which is kind of gross). Helnik is kind of an example of this too - I like them, I think they're fun ! But Matthias spends a big part of the story wanting to brutally murder Nina and her kind, and he mostly changes his mind because he finds her hot. Like you don't feel there is some sort of big revelation that his entire moral system and political framework is completely rotten ; it's all better because of feelings now.

As a teenager that kind of sanctimonious bullshit would have annoyed the hell out of me ; I read those books in my early twenties and I found the ending so stupid I wouldn't have trusted any message or life lessons coming from them. And I liked reading/watching dark stuff as a teenager, as a way to deal with the very intense inner turmoil I was dealing with - and I turned out fine ! Meanwhile I've seen several times women in very shitty relationships being obsessed with positive energies and stories ; they were so terrified of their life not being perfectly wholesome they ended up being delusional about their own situations.

Like personally I think the Darkling is a compelling, interesting, alluring character and also a manipulative, murderous piece of shit and that Alina should get to punish him (like in a sexy way) - but he's also the end result of centuries of war, oppression and trauma and reducing that to "toxic wounded boy" feels kind of offensive ngl ESPECIALLY since the books don't offer any kind of systemic analysis or response to oppression beyond "the bad guy should die" and "now the king/queen is a good guy our problems are solved!!!!"

In Lives of the Saints, we see how Yuri is abused extremely badly and almost killed by his father, and so when his father dies when the Fold swallows Novokribirsk, he thinks the Starless Saint has saved him. Later in KoS/RoW he's turned into this fanatic who explains away all the Darkling's crimes. The other followers talk about how the Starless Saint will bring equality for all men. Then the Darkling comes back and actually thinks his followers are pathetic, which feels again like a very pointed message to his IRL stans. Which is absolutely hilarious to me. Like oh no, if he was real he would not like you and think you're pathetic ! Yeah ...but he's not. Real. Damn right he would not like the fics where Alina puts him on a leash. I'm still going to read them. What is he going to do about it, jump out of the page ? Jfjfjjdhfgfjfj

Anyway I think the intended message is "assholes will use noble political causes for their own gain and to manipulate people" and "being abused/oppressed is not an excuse to behave badly." Which. Sure. But that's kind of like...a tired take, honestly ? A big number of villains nowadays are like this ; either they've been bullied as kids, or they're part of an oppressed group, or they have "good ideals but too extreme". This is not surprising because a lot of mainstream heroic narratives present clinging to the status quo as Good and change as chaotic and dangerous. And like sure in real life people often do bad shit because they're wounded and in danger. But if you want to do a story like that, you have to do it with nuance, talk about cycles of violence, about how society creates vulnerable people to be exploited, about how privilege gives you more choices and the luxury of morals, etc. The Grishaverse does not have this level of nuance (maybe in SoC a little bit but definitely not in TGT). So it kind of comes off as "trauma makes you evil" and "egalitarianism is dangerous" and "if you're abused/oppressed you're not allowed to fight back". And ignores the fact that historically, evil generally comes from unchecked privilege.

I guess my point is that there are many things I like about LB's writing, she knows how to create these really exciting character dynamics, and the world she has created is fascinating. But these stories are not a great starting point for imparting moral lessons. And her best characters tend to be, at least in canon, the morally grey ones. I hope one day she'll be at peace with the fact that she wrote the Darkling the way she did and leave his fans alone but in the meantime I'm just not going to take this whole thing seriously I'm sorry

[prettywarriors]

Ok ill bite whats the worst mg series

alright, whats the worst magical girl series in your opinion?

Thanks you two for letting me do some yelling. The obvious guess would likely be one of the recent edgelord shows right? Magical Girl Site or something similar? But nay I say, for while MGS and Day Break Illusion and such and what not generally tell you what to expect right away. Don't like super violence and suffering? Watch something else is the clear message from the get go. One of the bait and switch series then like Madoka or maybe Yuki Yuna? For what faults they may or may not have, at least these series do something and are interesting, even if you're not huge on what goes down in the series. A parody then? They range from affectionate to banned in New Zealand but regardless of quality and their feelings for MGs, it's a parody. It's a joke and shouldn't be taken seriously (plus they're usually short so you can just forget about them forever).

So what makes a series terrible then, I am sure you are asking. IMO? Setting expectations for an interesting and enjoyable series, and then dashing them to hell.

Come with me below the cut, as I talk about Key Princess Story: Kagihime Eternal Alice Rondo!

Spoilers abound so if you care about those for a 15 year old series, click away.

Background: Kagihime was a 4 volume manga that ran from 2004-2006 that was picked up for a 13 episode anime adaptation near the end of its run. The manga is created by a pair (Kaishaku) who you may know for making Magical Nyan Nyan Taruto. Kannazuki no Miko, and Steel Angel Kurumi, and the anime had a script written by the same writer (Mamiko Ikeda) for Tenshi Ni Narumon who also did some script writing for Princess Tutu and Seven of Seven. The anime also had 6 character music videos which are fairly simple but a nice addition to the series for the main girls. Discotek has been publishing the anime in the states in recent years, and the manga was brought over by *squints at book spine* Dr Master Publications.

The Premise: Girls transform and enter weird outside of reality spaces to fight each other with giant keys to take each other’s stories to create a third Alice In Wonderland story.

Well, an off-brand Alice story written by Alternate L. Takion, rather than Lewis Carroll/Charles Dodgson, that while the series uses all the aesthetic hallmarks of the tradition Alice, the little we see of the in universe Alice story is clearly different. Which is fine, at the end of the day, it’s still about someone who loves the Alice stories and wishes there was more, and even makes his own fanfiction version. His? Oh yeah, while the girls do all the fighting, the main character is Aruto, a teen boy who loves Alice, and for reasons we don’t know till late game, can enter the liminal spaces that the ‘Alice Users’ fight in. He chases a girl who looks like the Alice he sees in his story, who is named Arisu, and gets roped into this fanfic battle royale. He is also the older brother of the very needy Kirihara, who also ends up being and Alice User. As does Kirihara’s bff Kisa. To round out the group of enemies-turned-friends-who-will-work-together-to-collect-the-Eternal-Alice-without-having-to-fight-eachother group is a young genius researcher Kirika who wants to know more about Aruto’s connection that allows him to enter the spaces where the girls fight.

Then there’s all the other girls, some of whom still have real importance to the story and some who have a few panels or 2 scenes total. But with a whole bunch of girls to design, the creators reached out to a whole lot of other people to have them create designs! Eventually the battle gets down to the last few girls, there’s a confrontation with the guy running the whole thing, and while the anime and manga vary quite a bit the whole time, in both version Aruto ends up with Kirihara. Oh and Arisu was created by Aruto’s super imagination powers.  

The Promise: Here on is subjective, particularly with what I personally saw as potential from this series. because I need you to understand how much I want to like this series. 

~Alice in Wonderland themed: I know some people aren’t alice fans and that’s fine you do you but as a big alice fan this is great. We have a few alice episodes and themed characters amongst series like CCS and MGRP, and even Alice themes in other series like Tweeny Witches and Alice 19th. But damn it I am down for Alice series.

~Giant Keyyyyyyyys: Yeah yeah Kingdom Hearts but these keys are much more staff like for a lot of the characters which ads and air of elegance rather than the KH ones that for me at least feel well designed for big ol props rather than actual weapons. We also get...

~Weapon variety: It counts as a key if it’s a thorn whip that can be shaped like a key right? How about a giant pocket knife? Crossbows can also be keys. Hush. And we have this variety because

~Guest Artists: For magical girl series where we have a variety of outfits designed by different people, we have Kagihime, Uta~Kata, and uhh I guess Magia Record? But that’s a mobile game with a hella number of characters and with how mobile game works I wouldn’t count it just because it’s less the intent of the series to have variety and more the nature of having lots of girls. (Precure doesn’t count because unless I missed a memo each season’s set is still by one designer). If a series isn’t about a team and therefore doesn’t need cohesion, bringing in other artists is a great way for variety and new looks. 

~The long term goal: Fighting with other people who love the same piece of media you do in hopes of creating new material that will be viewed as official? That’s just fandom nowadays. But it’s a legitimate interesting concept, and opens up so many doors for a message for the series, be it ‘what you create is no less valuable than the canon work’ or ‘it’s hard to let go when something you love doesn’t have more to it but you can still love it for what it is’ or ‘bond with the people who like the thing you like ya idiot instead of fighting about it’. The concept is interesting and there are so many narrative ways you can take this.

~Gays: Between the anime and manga, we have at least 5 wlw. Is it a magical girl series without some gays? (side note- the manga had a short thing where the MC wears a girl’s uniform and is pretty comfortable in it and while there is no way this was the intent, between that and the emphasis on the stories that live in girls and how the fight zones have no men, I’m just saying, Trans girl Aruto.)

~Greater Fairy Tale Premise: We meet a Little Match Girl based MG who is obsessed with Andersen rather than the Alice books, and touch on a Sleeping Beauty character in the manga. The manga at least implies that classic stories and fairy tale authors uh. Live on in a liminal space as immortals with world warping powers within that world and there could be opportunities for other girls in the real world to fight for Little Mermaid 2: Electric Boogaloo.

The Good: Everything has positive points, no matter how bad it is.

~Character Designs: Some of those looks slap. As do most of their weapons. 

~Backgrounds: I have a strong opinion on backgrounds in anime that can be easily boiled down to old watercolor backgrounds good, modern filtered photos as background bad, and as a 2006 series, this might not be Memole nice but they’re quite attractive. 

~Splash Pages: Easily my favorite thing after the designs, each chapter’s title page for the manga just has a character standing in a setting. Which is not everyone’s thing I’m sure but it’s a nice simplistic way to let the characters breathe imo. Even if at least some of the settings were deffo traced. But that’s how backgrounds work to some extent? If I ever get to the Met again, I am tracking down this exact photo, but here is a likely candidate for an example.

~Different Versions: I do not understand the need to make an adaptation that tries to be a 1:1. Kagihime had the same ideas and characters and did some of the same beats but very much had a different finale story and a lot of changes in the middle (like the Alice cops in the manga). Again, not something everyone probably wants I’m sure, but I very appreciate this, especially since the Anime kept good pace with the number of Manga chapters (reading the manga again while watching the anime at 3.8x speed just now was very interesting to see the different interpretations of events in a different medium.)

The ‘Fine’: Yeah.

~Anime Visuals: Look 2006 was still early enough into digipaint that I will give it a total pass on these. The colors are too bright but in a very bland way, the lineart is nothing interesting, and the faces are. Iffy. But it’s not total garbage to look at (probably helped by backgrounds and character designs...) it just came out in an era where not enough people knew how to stylize things to account for the weakness of the tools of the time. (It was 4 years earlier but I feel Kagihime is the polar opposite of Chobits with its painfully bland color palette while still being just. Flat. Sorry for the drive by Chii.) 

~Music?: There sure were songs. Obviously, they are nothing to me.

The Bad: CW for.... somehow all the big things to an extent. 

~Fanservice: Look, I am fine with fanservice, especially for a series that’s, ya know, not targeted at kids, big Mai Hime fan here even if I would recommend skipping the panty thief episode. And honestly the series generally isn’t fanservicey, at least by the modern standards of having the camera choosing under the skirt rather than an over the shoulder shot like I’ve seen plenty in other shows. Even the sexier outfits like the rose whip dominatrix aren’t bad BUT. When the girls fight. One takes her phallic key and drives it into another girls chest between the boobs while the loser cries in pain and then her book comes out and when the victor rips out pages, the loser’s clothes also rip. It is very SuperS Amazon Trio assault metaphor-y. There’s also a bit of fanservice with the sister becauseeeee....

~Incest: If you read the premise up there, first wow good job because I’m sure not re-reading that, you might have noticed I said MC ends up with his sister. As someone who is a big mythology fan and watches plenty of anime, I have a decent tolerance for your obligatory ‘oh we’re siblings but actually cousins so our feelings are okay’ or whatever the fuck Citrus has going on I don’t know that series and I don’t vibe BUT. I have limits and boy did this series go beyond that because multiple episodes are dedicated to the sister being in love with the brother? And the brother returns her feelings but knows that they are wrong so he put everything he likes in his sister into his version of Alice who, of course, physically manifests as Arisu who he creates accidentally with his uh. Magic imagination powers. But again in both versions MC still ends up with his sister. Hey, at least the manga eventually said the boy was adopted when the sister was like, 3, so if nothing else no blood relations? The anime did not ad this. -_-

~Under Utilized Characters: Arisu’s gradual revelation that she has no childhood memories because she isn’t a real person is so interesting and they don’t do nothing with it but also? That’s the kind of thing I personally would love to dig into and Kagihime, while touching on this world shattering revelation, easily loops back to So Anyway She Should Fight For The Man and to hell with developing a life or personality outside of what has been written for her. The rest of the main 5 were 2 note characters which. Could be worse? The most interesting character ends up being the child genius who accidentally murdered her childhood bestie (and/or lover? depending on version) and her coming to terms with that (the friend is alive but the version changes how and why she thinks she’s dead). Then the villain has the motivation of ‘i lost my creativity and now have become an immortal living outside of normal space and am getting girls to fight each other because that’s like a story so I’m still relevant right?’. But shoutout to the anime for then taking death of the author literally. The numerous other girls are canon fodder outside of like. The manga version of the dead gf and the little match girl.

~Battle Royale: This is not a thing I have an issue with generally. Again, but Mai Hime fan, I need to read MGRP 11, BUT by not developing the non-main girls there is no emotional connection which makes them just canon fodder and that’s boring as sin for a royale system. The initial main character fights revolve so much around the MC guy being there that they fall flat, and the 2 or 3 final battles in both versions still feel without any stakes. Also for a royale thing most of the characters don’t actually die, which cool! Neat! Except when they do? Some nobodies and a somebody are murdered (at least in the manga) and the tone never feels like it’s supposed to be upping the stakes, it’s just. Some people are dead now. And do you want to guess which of the main characters died?

~Gays: Oh boy the best friend of the brother-complex sister is in love with her and (in the manga) dies. She does apparently get better for the last chapter but the death itself is only felt by the rest of the cast for a page or two before we go back to feeling sad big brother wants to kiss his mentally generated sister clone rather than his actual sister u_u. Bury your gays is nothing new, but I wonder if it was also intended to be justified because Guess Who Is Creepy and a bit Perverted? Oh look the lesbian keeps the used swimsuit of her beloved and manipulates events to get an indirect kiss and when she sees the sister trying to strange Arisu for a moment she decides to do it for the sister? It’s not good. You want bad gay rep in a magical girl series, well here ya go. We also had a nobody in the first(second?) episode whose story pages reveal her having a kiss with a girl, and then we also have the prodigy again and- in the manga- her. Uh. childhood lover who she thought she killed but the girl has been wiping her mind over and over so prodigy remembers ‘killing’ the friend and not the she’s alive so she can keep? fucking with her? Toxic!

~Sexual Content: But wait you say, you already covered fanservice! Ah but that is sexual content for titilation. This is sexual content for dramatic backstory! The red riding hood character was sexually assaulted, another character was manipulated into sex first as a teen and then more often to ‘get into the publishing industry’, and the same writer forces some aggressive kisses on the MC. None of it is gratuitous which is nice, but also, was it necessary? Not making a new point for this but read riding hood’s dog was also murdered so unnecessary animal death gets tossed on in there. 

~Male Lead: You can have a male, non magical character as the main character surrounded by magical girls. This is not how to do it. If I can make a vicious and hopefully not understood reference, Aruto is basically Tate from the Mai Hime Manga. If you understood that, I am so sorry. If you didn’t, congrats! Don’t read the manga. Or do and send me asks about the iconic final page of the first volume (18+). Anyway, this dude is boring, everything revolves around him, BUT I’ll be generous and say at least this isn’t a harem series? It looks like it out of context but it’s just a triangle with a fun attached scientist and token lesbian.

~Premise: They didn’t make good use of it. The initial goals of ‘take other girls pages from their soul books because if we get enough we unlock a third alice book’ is good! And then we add the twist that that was never going to happen and either if we get all the pages we can grant a wish, or these fights are just happening for the amusement of and asshole. Either way, yeah okay I guess. But at no point do we ever achieve this forbidden wish granting book and the asshole just. Lives. Nothing happens to him. His peers don’t even dunk on him. The only real changes from the beginning and the end of the series are: the siblings are now chill with dating, and the scientist lady won’t turn into a child in magical spaces. Oh. Yeah.

~Why did we make this adult a child sometimes?: I think we know why. Stop trying to get those types of folks to watch your already meh series. I also could have sworn at points in the past looking up images for this series I’ve seen extra art for Yuuri the Thumbelina-y Alice User that seemed like it would fit alongside anything by POP. You know, the Moetan guy. If you don’t know, god I wish that were me. 

Wrap Up: I have definitely forgotten some points and am well within my rights to ad to this whenever I remember more points but uh. Yeah.  

Listen you want an alice themed battle royale with nice outfits? Rozen maiden is right there. Battle Royale magical girl series that’s good with fanservice? Mai Hime. Series with different outfits while being based on a classic story? Pretear.

Hope anyone who read all of this at least got what I was saying, even if they don’t agree with it. And thanks for reading because whoops. 

[vivithefolle]

Do you think that Ron and Hermione's relationship is normal? I'm shipping them for so many years now. But now after seeing so much romione bashing and people pointing out small mistakes in their relationship I doubt.

Btw I love your blog<3

♥

I certainly would have liked Romione better had Half-Blood Prince never happened. Seriously, I’m not bashing Hermione because I like it (........... ok fine I do enjoy it on some level because it’s complicated), and really I hate it that I can’t ship Romione as wholeheartedly and as happily as I used to back when I was teeny.

But... one of the reasons I’m so virulent about Hermione’s flaws and how much she hurt Ron is to fight Ron-bashing. Because Ron-bashing involves putting Ron under a magnifying glass and decreeding to hate on him for every tiny, single thing he did, in order to pretend he’s “unworthy”, in order to pass him off as an incel or even worse. Here, I’ll show you -

Do you think that is it possible for Ron to become abusive given the incidences of violence and just being a really shitty person that occur in the books?

This anon immediately got under my skin, because I had recently witnessed a truly hideous Ron-bashing fic posted in the Romione tag without being tagged properly and when I asked the author to tag it “Ron Weasley Bashing” they refused, stating it was “their opinion” and they were “extrapolating” canon. (The fic was about Ron-the-domestic-abuser-raping-a-pregnant-Hermione. Yes. Clearly that's an opinion and not just an open delusion. /sarcasm)

So I went all out. Because they want to “““extrapolate”““ from Ron’s flaws, but in the same breath pretend Hermione doesn’t do fucked-up shit? They try to quote Ron’s “incidences of violence” like Hermione wasn’t the one who canonically sent birds at Ron’s face?

That’s what makes me furious. That’s what gets my blood boiling. The double standards. The injustice, the unfairness of it all. So apparently Ron doing stupid shitty teenage things like dating someone he isn’t actually interested in because he’s starved for affection, or wanting to punch a proto-Nazi who insults his friends would translate into him being “abusive”, but Hermione can go around kidnapping and disfiguring people and she’s pure as the driven snow?

This is what drives me insane, the fact that people will scrutinize every single one of Ron’s actions and proclaim him an abuser but turn a blind eye to Hermione’s entirely, or worse, attempt to justify her behaviour by trying to make it out like it’s her victims’ faults.

I try to be as loud, as angry, but as implacably logical as possible when I’m confronted with idiots trying to bash Ron by “““extrapolating”““ his attributes. Because if you’re gonna put Ron under the microscope to find something to dislike, you damn better do the same to every other character. If you’re gonna apply ludicrous standards no human being could ever hope to meet to one person but not to others, then you’re no better than the common Draco Malfoy: a bully trying to lord their perceived superiority over others. And I despise bullies.

So... yeah, that’s why I’m Hermione critical, bordering on bashing at times, because I just can’t with this fandom full of moralizing, hypocritical cunts. Which has led to me being more critical of Hermione, which has led to me being critical of Romione... and I don’t like it much, I can promise you that.

[foryouthegays]

techno liveblog w timestamps lets go for ‘a new home (dream SMP)’ stream

good laugh times: 00:13:50, 00:14:55, 1:38:45, ik it doesnt look like a lot but like u should watch the stream anyway bc philzas there and his laugh is amazing and they just go so well together

times techno calls phil his friend: 00:6:00 00:37:00, 00:45:17, 0:1:09:30, 01:11:15, 01:26:35, 01:50:05, 2:35:00

FSDJKFAF;LS HE KEPT THE MUTED INTRO IN JHKADFLS (ends at 00:1:25)

i like how, when faced with Leaving Youtube, techno would choose to be an author. i want a book by techno. reblog this if u want a book by techno (with an audiobook by him as well) /hj. 00:1:33

i love how he says ehhhhhh so much lskjhdfas (abt 2 mins in) 

who the FUCK just remembers that the word fortuitous exists wtf 00:5:17

00:7:45 PHILZA TIME PHILZA TIME LETS GO

00:8:55 tommy time :/

0:14:10 rANBOO JUST WALKS IN, LOOKS AROUN ,AND LEA VE SIM CRYING 

i love how much philza laughs at technos jokes bc pretty much everything he says IS a joke he just says it in such a serious voice that p much everyone else is like,,,yeah,,,,yup,,,,and phil just knows when hes joking and his laugh is so good with technos voice. sbi? whos that? i only know philza and technoblade

00:19:30 ghostbur joins! this is my first time hearin ghostbur btw

00:19:40 haha string axe technos so bad at crafting what a fool /j

00:21:07 ghostbur: “Even I remember how to make a fishing rod!” ghostbur u just MURDERED technoblade oh my god im gonna scream hgjdfksla i love ghostbur so much

00:23:55: GHOSTBUR NO!! DON’T DIE YOU’LL BECOME A DOUBLE GHOST!!!! -technoblade 2020

00:24:55 technoblade neva lies -guys he almost did the technoblade neva dies ahh!!!!!

i havent heard anyone talk about this but techno has a dedicated roleplay voice. like listen to him talk to tommy at 00:25:08. his voice gets more even, he uses names a lot more often (seriously, listen to his theseus speech. he says tommy so often, its incredible.), and his voice gets,,,,deeper? not deeper but smoother, in a way, and he repeats what he says for emphasis instead of humor. and his voice is louder, and he seems more assertive. 

00:27:30 philza: where we goin, by the way? techno: to our- to my new home. 

techno cmon let phil live w u wed get so much more content cmonn

00:28:50 the fact that he calls the manhunt theme “dream music” makes me laugh so hard. and then his version of it,,,,,m love he (also he sings it here and at  01:14:20)

00:35:10 why is ranboo so cryptic im-

why does he just casually know the word sentry wh at i hate him 00:39:45

this is the worst sentence (structurally) ive ever heard techno say im gonna cry 00:49:33 ‘im too busy thinkin of new ideas to sleep so i could actually execute them’ and tubbos *oh?* after is just hdsfgkjlka

LKSJDHFJK 00:51:49

00:54:30

techno: thats one of dreams powers, he can just stop the rain

tubbo, quietly: like jesus!

i love them sm dsfhkjla they kept going but i jus gdfhjksa jesus has op

techno @ being the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans: haha funnie!!

techno @ having fun w religious stuff: i wILL BE CANCELLED NO-

00:58:10 “hey if ur [ghostbur]  a ghost, do instant damage potions heal you now?” “...no,, they hurt me still :(” DSIULZKJHFSLKFJH 

01:04:00 his brother named the cow bob im- aww 

also he has a fanart wall again!!!

01:09:30 “phil, you’re the only friend i have left in this world.” aWWWWW HE GAVE HIM THE COMPASS 

“dont smoke, it’s a joke” -technoblade 01:14:15

ROLEPLAY SPEECH VOICE IS BACK AT 1:16:10 “they pillage my base for everything i’m worth, they use me for the revolution, but oooOOOoo i took a pickaxe with his consent? oOOOooOo i’m a thief!”

holy shit 01:17:15 “you know what, phil? for you, the world, alright? it’s fine.” oH MY GOD HHHHGHG (context, right before they were arguing bc phil took some blocks from his base and techno thought that when he said phil could take anything he meant from the chests)

the COMIDY of that villager coming in and sleeping while techno was readin donos at 01:22:05 RIGHT AFTER phil freaked out abt inturruptin his dono readin im SFDHKJLA:

techno talkin bout the winstreak and how he wont be able to live up to that sort of playin at 01:22:30ish is super important and ill transcribe it tomorrow, but if u can id highly rec watchin it. 

01:24:20 “[readin dono] what’s your favorite movie? uh, the princess bride is pretty good” techno ily that movie rocks also he said it so fast like hes ashamed of it noo

techno says no to canon ranboo son btw! 01:25:30

01:25:55 “i wasnt in that story, therefore it doesnt matter” all of technoblr be like 

01:37:49 is great lemmie transcribe

“how have you still not gotten a second monitor?? holy shit.”

“let me tell you something. and im only telling you this because i know that so many people in the chat are gonna be furious. so i recently realized- i think the second monitor can just be any ol’ monitor, right? you literally just plug it in, and its set up? well i mean you have to turn on some settings, but like, thats it, or something?”

“yeah,,,,, uh techno you fuckin destroyed my chat, by the way, oh my god, [earlier techno told his viewers to twitch prime philza] there has been like 40 primes just flying through”

“yeahhh twitch prime!!! twitch prime philza yeahh!!! so anyways the other day, i like, i looked to my left, and realized that my old monitor has been like, five feet away from where i sit and stream for the last three years?”

“oh my god...”

“so i- i literally do not have to leave my room to set up a second monitor and i havent. and i’m still usin my laptop for this stream.

“is this gonna be one of those situations where you like, you have a thing, you just refuse to do the thing?”

“listen, my desk is-

“yOU STILL HAVENT OPENED UP THE HYPIXEL PACKAGE!!!”

“AHHHH I HAVENT OPENED UP THE HYPIXEL PACKAGE! I HAVENT EVEN OPENED UP MY MCC COIN! DUDE I HAVENT EVEN OPENED UP MY ONE MILLION SUBSCRIBER PLAQUE! ITS STILL THERE RIGHT BEHIND ME! ITs sTILL IN THE BOX! i never made a video on it....”

“bruhhhhh [philza laughs] thats FREE VIEWS what are you doing??”

“ill open it at 8 mil :/.”

“you could LITERALLY make a video of you just like, throwing it off a wall, and then thumbing up, like doing a thumbs up, and then that would be it. 10 seconds. ten seconds. thumb and elbow in shot. [laughs]”

techno is such a disaster i love him

01:34:18 the way techno says “tommy, that statement has NEVER been true” i dont like sayin i simp for block men but GOD sometimes his voice is nicer than usual hhhgn

“man i sure wish tommyinnit was in this stream” -nobody ever (just after previous timestamp)

01:40:15 is fuckin hilarious and im actually crying oh my god techno just says things and says them well with a completely straight face how does he do it

i cannot WAIT until theres a president w the last/first name andy so we can say president andy and think abt technoblade

IM CRIASDNGUSFHD 01:44:38 PHILZA LOOK OUT LOOK OUT PHILZA  LSKJDAFJASD;LKF

i love when techno talks abt his vids. like u can tell he puts a lot of thought into the vids (esp these ones) and like at 01:47:00 he talks abt the “I DIDNT PUT DEAPTH STRIDER ON THOSE BOOTS, FUNDY!” and how its just that creepin realization that you were doomed from the start and how he made the armor, he isnt intimidated by the netherite bc he didnt enchant it all the way and only he knows that,,, and i just,,,hgg he

he reveals that hes writin the next arc at 01:48:00: “oh, speakin of arcs, chat, i’m writing the next arc. so, you know. hope nothin bad happens in two weeks, chat!” IM SO EXCITED like he clearly has his character fleshed out and is SO good at writing and retellin history im so so excited to see where he takes it AHHHH and also taht means he might stream more bc he might make his character more important (keep in mind this is the guy who wrote self insert hypixel fanfics. he has no shame in puttin himself first and i respect him so much for it) 

01:51:20 “they’re tryin to get a second customer but they’re riskin their first” is lowkey a good line

has anyone else noticed that techno says wise a lot? like at 01:55:10 he literally says “wise dragon armor” as a joke but like i think he says wise so much BECAUSE of skyblock like hjkfdsla

01:57:30 techno plea se eat 

ok 1:58:45 is hilarious and all but at the end of his ramble he says “come back, i miss you” and lowkey im crying 

techno needs to stop knowing his audience more than we know ourselves im hsfkjda 02:05:25 “the chat’s spammin ‘eat technoblade, eat!’ like they’re not gonna start, like, theyre not gonna get super sad if i ended the stream right now, like theyre not gonna all cry ‘i miss technoblade *sniffs* why- whyd he leave to eat food, why did he listen to our advice noooo’”

02:14:50 NEW VIDEO POGGGG CARL THE HORSE POGGGGGG  NOT A STREAM HIGHLIGHT POGGGGG

02:17:40 “i could start a potato farm out here to show how much ive changed” techno last time u made a potato farm u started an entire war that lasted a year that does NOT say calm and retired to me lskgdfjagsldj

02:23:00 why does techno just reference greek mythology so much. makin me scared for his arc. 

also he talks abt smp earth a lot in this stream i love it so much

i also just. love?? how much sbi respect tommy like they bully him but when talkin bout him they just have so much respect for how much work he puts into youtube and i just,,,,hgnn they r friends 

02:33:13 sbi streamer house lets go cmon

02:34:15 “i think if i streamed every day i could keep up” on one hand YE S  but on the ohter oh god techno no we have to keep up tho

hearing techno say “violence isnt the answer” is so scary  02:35:40

02:37:30 technosneeze 

hiS BROTHER SENT HIM 46 DISCORD MESSAGES SFKDJLFLKASF 2:49:25 i love his end screen so much hes just sadness,,,,retirement,,,t,echnoblade,,,the government is going to fall on its own due to lack of organization and ideals,,,,,,subscribe,,,,,sadness,,,,,also 2:50:45 is making me laugh so hard its just sad music and technos like??? whys phil in my house drinking milk????? 

overall, fantastic stream, if ya want some chill techno philza content i highly recommend. 

[thechaosthatismybrain]

Ok so here it is! My first fic! I’m happy for all kinds of comments or feedback, good or bad. Please let me know what you think! Hope you enjoy!

Fandom: NCIS Ship: Ellick, Ellie Bishop/Nick Torres Words: 1873 Chapter: 1/? Tags: angst, fluff, happy ending, past relationships, canon death

Chapter 2  AO3 link

We do, friends don’t

It’s not like Ellie hasn’t been in love before. Hell, she’s even been married once, and engaged for that matter. She knows the feeling well. That’s why she came to terms with her feelings towards her coworker a long time ago. They’ve known each other for about five years now, and she would be lying to herself if she said she didn’t know there would be something special with this relationship from the day she met him. 

Nick was special, unlike the other men she had dated. Jake was a safe choice, but she had still loved him. When they met they connected easely over work and from that everything went pretty fast, and within a year they were married. She had liked being with Jake, but when she left the NSA it didn’t take long for her to realise their connection didn’t run as deep as she had thought. When she found out about his cheating it dawned on her she should have left years ago. 

When she met Qasim she was still in the process of healing. Even with their connection not being as deep as she had thought, she never imagined that Jake would cheat on her. It scared her, if she was being honest. If the man who was supposed to be the safe choice could hurt her like that, what were the others capable of? She was reserved in the beginning when she met Qasim, but he showed her she didn’t have to be afraid anymore. He forced her out of her shell. Even when he proposed to her all he wanted was for her to stop being afraid and hide her feelings. She has a lot to thank him for really. 

But in all of this was Nick. He was her best friend, with her through everything. They did everything together, especially after Qasim had died, and then Reeves. They supported each other through everything. Ellie knew her feelings for the man went beyond that of a friend, had done for quite a while. Maybe even part of her was in denial when she was with Qasim. She didn’t like to think about that though, it seemed too unfair to Qasim. At times she even thought her feelings were reciprocated, but nothing ever happend. 

Her feelings for Nick grew stronger, and she realised this might be a problem. But how could she not love him? He was funny, charming and could talk to anybody. He was so confident when he was interacting with people, even complete strangers, he always seemed so sincere. But Ellie knew there were some things he only told her, and she liked knowing she was the one he trusted most. It also didn’t help her feelings that he was beautiful, she could stare at his tanned skin and beautiful brown eyes for days. Their babies would be the cutest little things ever. 

Ellie would have done something about the situation a lot earlier if she would just get some clear signals from the man. That was the biggest problem, Nick, it seemed, could not make up his mind. He would talk to her for hours on end and tell her things he hadn’t told a soul before. He would tell her she was beautiful and that he loved her eyes. He would take her out to dinner, just the two of them, insisting on paying. In Ellie's book, that was a date, and it seemed like her friends agreed with her to. They would even drink wine and get drunk together. But despite all of this Nick could never wait to tell Ellie about all of his recent hookups. She knew about all of the girls he’d been with, for some reason she was always the first to know. He would complain to her every time he had a new crush who didn’t like him back and she would just sit there and tell him it would be ok. 

Ellie had tried to move on, to forget about her feelings, she had even gone on several dates for goodness sake! But nothing really seemed to work. She remembered the time they were on that double date, it was a mess from start to finish. The words “you’re like a sister to me” seemed to be permanently etched into her brain. She just wished Nick would stop treating her like she was something more than a sister or just a friend when she clearly wasn’t. Ellie was growing more and more tired of playing this game with him. She knew she was going to talk to him soon.

----------------

As usual when they had finished a case, they were on their way to Ellie's place with too much takeout for only two people. Nick had given her a lift to work that morning so they were in his car. Ellie was nervous, she knew this talk would have to happen tonight, or never. 

“Nick, can I ask you something?” Ellie asked when they had settled down on the couch with their food. 

“Ask away!” Nick answered with food in his mouth.

“What would your perfect date be like? Or what would you do on a first date?” she said not wanting to meet his eyes. 

“Easy!” the man explained. “I would take the girl to a nice little restaurant, everything wouldn’t be perfect but we’d have fun and laugh over the weird food. We’d have a glass of wine and, of course, I would pay. Then i think we would just walk around town and talk about anything and everything.” He had a glint in his eye when he said it, and Ellie couldn't help but smile at how happy he seemed. 

Elle took a deep breath and said “Then how come you’ve done all those things with me if we’re not together?” she really didn't want to meet his eyes right now but she couldn’t help herself. The man looked like a question mark just blinked at her.

“Eh..what do you mean? He forced out with what Ellie could swear on was a laugh to joke away the whole conversation. 

“I mean what I just said. Why is your dream date something you’ve already done with me?” Her tone was harder now, but she couldn't afford not to say everything she needed to say. “You want to go to restaurants and have a glass of wine and walk around town and just talk. You want to pay for dinner and everything and be a real gentleman. Well, newsflash Nick, we’ve been doing that almost since we got to know each other.” She had started now and she couldn't stop, it was like the floodgates were open. Not even all of the emotions flashing through Nick’s face could make her stop. “I know friends do those things to Nick, i'm not stupid. I really don’t just want to read something into this if there’s nothing here but you need to be straight with me Nick. You talk to me like I'm the light of your life sometimes, other times it’s like I don't exist. You take me on what even you now describe as dates and you tell me I’m beautiful and all kinds of things. But then you hookup with every other girl you see and tell me, me Nick, about it? Friends can be close yes, but not like this. We do things friends certainly don't do. You have to be straight with me Nick because I don’t know how much more of this I can take!” She was almost screaming now but she couldn't help it. It felt so good getting it all out there. 

Nick just sat there at first, without saying a word. He had put his plate down on the table and just sat there, looking at her. Anxiety started to rise inside Ellie and she began to regret what she had just done. How could she possibly have thought this was a good idea? She had probably just ruined any chance at a relationship or even a friendship with this man. She had promised herself she wouldn't cry but she came closer and closer to breaking that promise for every second Nick was quiet. 

“I...I eh ..I” Nick stammered. He didn’t know what to say. Of course he knew that they were close, like the only time he didn’t spend with her was when he was asleep and even then it would sometimes be at her house. He hadn’t thought about it like this before, he knew he could be stubid sometimes when it came to feelings, but not this much. Everything Ellie had said maked sense. 

“Ellie I.. I’m” he tried again. “I’m so sorry Ellie! I’m so stupid, I’ve never wanted to hurt you, you have to believe me!”

“But you did hurt me Nick. I have come to terms with my feelings towards you, even if you don’t feel the same. I just need you to be honest with me. I can’t go on hoping for something that will never happen. I have to be able to move on without being pulled back in every time I see you.”

Nick could see in Ellie’s eyes and hear in her voice how hurt she was. The fact that he was the one who had caused that made something break inside of him. 

“Ellie I’m so sorry, I have never wanted to hurt you” he said seeking to meet her eyes. “I’m not good at talking about my feelings but I’ve been avoiding the truth because I was afraid. I was afraid of not being enough for you, because you deserve the whole world Ellie. You deserve someone better than me. Someone who isn’t afraid to tell you he loves you Ellie, who isn’t broken like me.” Nick was reaching for her hand now, something inside of him needing to hold on to her, to comfort her. 

“But what if it was you I wanted Nick? Don’t you get that you are my world? You are perfect to me. Shouldn't I get a say? Before you decide you’re not “worthy” or whatever?” She was holding on to him just as much now. She was still hurt but just hearing him being honest with her for the first time made her heart begin to heal. 

“I’m so sorry Ellie.” Nick’s hand reached up to cup her face and wipe away a tear that was inevitably falling down her cheek. “If you’ll let me, I'll make it up to you for the rest of our lives. I love you Ellie and I want to be with you.” 

“I love you too Nick” and with that Nick wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his side. He leaned back against the sofa and pulled her with him. 

They sat like that for a while without any of them saying anything, It didn't seem necessary at the moment. They had each other and that was all that mattered. They knew everything wasn’t perfect but it was enough for now and with Nick holding on to Ellie like he was never going to let her go, she felt her heart heal a little more.

[kingsten]

CELINE: So often in my life I’ve been with people and shared beautiful moments like traveling or staying up all night and watching the sunrise, and I knew it was a special moment, but something was always wrong. (...) But I’m happy to be with you. You couldn’t possibly know why a night like this is so important to my life right now, but it is. I think this is a great morning. 

JESSE: It is a great morning. Do you think we’d have other mornings like this?

@cir ——— 14.) The timeline in which they took a chance they didn’t in canon.

Brian traces the silver band on Peter’s ring finger. 

It’s an unpretentious piece of vintage work with an engraving of a mostly worn away rose. Peter shifts, pouting even in his sleep from the sunlight hitting his face. Brian watches quietly, curious of what Peter’s reaction will be when he wakes up. Brian can hardly remember most of what transpired the night prior but it’s coming back to him in hazy fragments but mainly the crumpled 77$ receipt from a wedding venue with their vows messily scrawled out on the back is the main indicator that last night was not a dream. 

Peter, after sleeping in for a few more minutes stirs again. He groans, rubs his eyes with his hands then freezes in that position. Brian holds his breath as Peter pulls his hand away to inspect the cold metal while still half asleep, half hangover. It takes a minute for the significance to register then his eyes cut suddenly to Brian who holds up his own hand to show off the near identical ring on his own hand. 

——— 

“We met at a party” Peter states but Brian shakes his head. “or it was the cafe?”

“I think it was in that one class— remember?” At least that’s when he thinks is the first time he saw Peter. “Business fourteen something. I showed up for three classes but couldn’t understand french so I dipped.” Jae’s eyes roll so hard the wired frames slip down to the bridge of his nose and he slides them back up. “I don’t care about how you met I just want to know why you got married? Who the fuck gets married after knowing each other half a year?”   

“Actually, we’ve known each other five months and a half. I know because we met after Peter’s birthday and— ” Jae and Peter both give Brian a hard look and his voice falls but he finishes his thought. “and It’s...uh, now... december.” then sits back in his chair. Jae holds the look longer than Peter before he turns back to his cousin and shakes his head. “RIP to your taxes.... have you even told your mom yet?” It’s a valid question and Brian’s ears perk up though he doesn’t expect that he has given Brian hasn’t mentioned it to his own parents either.

It’s a bridge they’ll cross once they get to it.

Now, regardless of the time and date of their technical first meeting. Brian likes to think that their official meeting was in the metro, while waiting for the last train to come. He remembers this clearly because it was the first time he’d seen Peter outside of the cafe or rather, to be more specific, without a laptop in front of his nose. Sure, even in this case it was tucked safely beneath his arm to be opened on the chance that there’s a free seat available. 

“What are you always working on?” Brian asks, sitting down without invitation in the seat across from Peter. The fact Peter is distracted enough by the question to leave his laptop closed is a small victory in Brian’s book.

“Excuse me?” 

Brian is used to Peter’s blunt speech. In the cafe he quietly says his order then goes back to being silent unless he’s on a business call. The lonewolf silent type is kinda Peter’s thing even when in the midst of a group of coworkers. But there’s something about him that catches Brian’s attention and he’s been working slowly to chip away at that outer exterior by bringing him extra sweets on the side in an effort to get to that other side of Peter that Brian’s yet to see but knows is there. And tonight he’s got a few minutes to kill. They’re not exactly strangers— at least not by Brian’s definition. They both have a few stops before they part ways. What better time than now? “Are you a business man? My dad is always working on finance stuff on his laptop too.” Peter remains silent. Brian takes it as his sign to continue. “He owns a shop. A cafe bookshop in Jersey.” 

“So you are American.” Peter speaks up and it catches Brian by surprise. “I thought you might be Canadian.” 

The fact Peter thought about him makes Brian grin a little before he nods.

That’s the subject that breaks the ice and gets them to talk, so much so that Brian misses his stop but pretends that he’s getting off at the same station as Peter where they both get off then talk even more. Brian’s able to draw out interesting thoughts and commentary from Peter and vice versa. Things like what Peter does on his laptop to discussing their biggest fears, observations of their surroundings and their shared experiences of being only children are brought up. They even touch on the topic of love and how it impacted Brian’s recent breakup and Peter’s long past break up. 

It’s in the middle of that that his phone vibrates, cutting them both off mid-sentence.

“Oh, I’ve kept you for too long.” Peter says apologetically as he glances around their surroundings, uncertain of what time it is but Brian shakes his head. “Honestly, I could’ve stayed on that subway until...forever. I like talking to you.” He says before taking another glance at his phone. “It’s just. There’s this thing I promised a friend that I’d— “

“It’s ok.” Peter interrupts. “It’s late and we should both head home.” 

Brian nods. “Yeah. I’m sorry for interrupting your evening. I know you said that you had work to do and God, It’s so late— I’m sure you haven’t eaten yet.” 

“No, no, no it’s alright. I don’t eat after 7.” 

“Is that like a french culture thing?” Brian asks, curious. He doesn’t get it but he can begrudgingly respect it. It tells him Peter’s very disciplined or likes schedules which he could’ve guessed. Peter laughs, and it still strikes Brian how much his whole face changes with it even as he shakes his head. “Doesn’t everyone do that?” Peter replies, eyes still warm. Brian almost forgets to answer the question. After a beat he finds his words. “Oh,uh, I sometimes wake up at like 2 AM to make ramyeon. Don’t tell my roommates but it’s the only time i don’t have to share with them.” 

“You should get going then. Is it your roommates wanting to know where you are?” Peter comments, nodding to Brian’s hand when the phone goes off repeatedly. “It’s the group chat. Nothing important.”

Just Jae asking where the fuck is Brian. Kate wondering why the hell hasn’t Brian shown up yet. Angelina wondering when more drinks are coming and the inevitable: who is going to kick these people out of the house after their social filters take a nosedive after the clock strikes midnight in, roughly an hour to thirty minutes.

Yet, Brian is still hesitant to say goodbye. Peter doesn’t move either and it’s almost as if he’s waiting for Brian to make the first move to end their time together. 

“So there’s this party over at my place tonight. I — I say that like it’s not going on right now but you should come over and we can have a few drinks, talk about uh what did you say you’re reading Fred....?”

“Friedrich Nietzsche.” 

“Wait, like, for fun?” Brian has to take a minute to let that information sink in and almost reconsiders his previous invitation because frankly he can’t think of anything more boring than Nietzshe. Peter shifts his weight, waiting for Brian to get back to the point. ”Ok, maybe we won’t talk about that but do you want to go? I’m sure by now you’ve figured out I’m not a psycho.” 

"What if I am?” Peter smirks. Brian gives him a once over, standing back like he’s truly considering the possibility then leans in close, too close. “I don’t know what if I’m into that?” Peter grows quiet again, blinking a few times and uncertain of what Brian’s about to do before the other leans away again.

“Come to the party with me.” Brian turns up the charm voice low, warm and inviting. ”It’ll be fun.” Peter knows exactly what he’s doing. It’s clear by now that he’s hinting for him to at least stay the night. He could say no, tell him that he’s not interested in parties but then he gives a small nod and the rest of the night moves in a blur. That tends to happen when Brian is involved. Time seems to blur from one minute to the next in the way that:

One minute they’re in the park, then the vague familiarity of Brian’s place — loud music, flashing lights, pushed closer by a crowd of dancing people. And a few drinks in it’s Peter who breaks the tension between them and throws caution to the wind when he kisses Brian. 

Time and everything else moves entirely too fast after that. Some days they both have to take a seat and remind themselves that it’s ok to go slow, but it’s hard when the clock is ticking down and they both know Brian graduates in December and after that? Where do they stand?

Six months after their chat on the subway they wake up in some shit hotel in Vegas. Bed hair, hung over, admiring the vintage silver on their ring fingers together that Brian picked up for cheap in a pawnshop in L.A. Peter, who always finds ways to surprise Brian is more calm than he anticipated. Brian takes advantage of the slowing in time to make Peter laugh just to see his face transform in that way that made him infatuated before they move onto the next chapter.

It is the start of many good mornings.

[amaikana]

Here is the same Anon from the previous question. Thank you for your previous answer. Now I would like to know your headcanons in relation to the TPN characters.

Hi! I actually have SO MANY headcanon of them, but sadly I forgot a lot of it too.. Ah, anyway! I’ll share some of it here :3

Ray has a crush on Norman Okay, this one is biased. But oh Lord, this boy: 1) been openly admiring Norman for years, 2) losing his usual cool head the moment he’s aware Norman would be shipped, 3) got so heartbroken after Norman being shipped away, 4) thought of Norman the moment they managed to escape the orphanage, 5) even Norman still the first one came to his mind when Emma got into danger in GoldyPond arc Dear, try to convince me otherwise. I dare you.

If he hadn’t know the truth, Ray would be the petulant kid as a child Well, before we get to that, let’s talk about my interpretation of Ray first. As I see it, Ray’s always been the least people pleaser out of the trio. Emma is selfish, but her selfishness is based on her idealistic wish for everyone’s happiness. Norman is pretty much similar. His mass murder plan despite himself being uncomfortable with the act of murder itself pretty much proves it. He didn’t only do it because of his friends from Grace Field, but also because he thinks of all the other children’s suffering in the Demon World. Ray, on the other hand, despite him being more openly caring with others after the escape, from the very start only doing it purely because his own selfishness. Because he wants to chase his own happiness, and that happiness comes from keeping the people who matters to him safe. I think it clearly shown when he intended to kill eliminate Yuugo in the forest when he realized that man wanted to kill Emma. Emma has always matter to him, but at that time Yuugo was just some random stranger to him so he didn’t care for that man. Now, related, I just think this fits, lol. I think he’d be that child who’d hog all his favorite toys to himself and only share it to his favorite friends (perhaps Norman & Emma, lol).

Nat & Anna have a crush on each other It’s been hinted in the manga that Nat might have a crush on Anna. When Anna was about to join along to get the medicine from the Factory Farm, Nat was shown clearly worried for her, AND also in awe of Anna’s prettiness when she tied her hair as she’s getting ready. So far, Anna hasn’t shown any signs yet of having a crush on Nat too. But at that time Peter hurt Nat, Anna is shown to be the only one who shouted after Nat, with Nat immediately tried to smile and convincing her and the others. I think it’s suffice to say that Anna at least cares and worries for Nat as much as Nat cares and worries for her. So, as a NatAnna shipper, I’m going to take this for granted for my headcanon of them, lol.

Mujika & Sonju have the strongest bond I think it’d make sense given that they’ve been on the run together for thousands years. Sonju cares about Mujika so much that he didn’t hesitate to step in front of her to protect her from the Queen back then at the Imperial Palace. Mujika herself, despite knowing that Sonju initially intend to help the children because he wanted to eat human meat again, still believe that Sonju would eventually change his mind, implying that she’s confident that she knows very much about Sonju.

Violet is a Non-Binary I recently found out that Violet uses the masculine pronoun “Boku” instead of the gender-neutral pronoun “Watashi” that is usually used by girls. But Violet also appeared to not mind it much when Emma admitted that she “thought Violet was a boy” before. Now, spectrum of gender is still kind of a taboo/unpopular topic in Asian countries (including mine). But perhaps in a modern world, I think Violet might identify as a non-binary. 

Norman doesn’t aware he loves Ray as much as he loves Emma And I’m not saying this as a Norray shipper. It’s clear that Norman is aware of his romantic love for Emma. But in a platonic sense, I think Ray is a person he cares as much as Emma. I’m saying that he’s not aware of it because Norman did plan to eliminate Ray had he turned out to be a complete traitor in the first arc. I think that one was just an “in the heat of the moment” decision. He probably wasn’t aware how much he’d regret it if he had really eliminated Ray back then.

In a normal life AU, Gilda would be that one person who’d always pay attention to the latest trends and gossips I mean. Idk why, but I think this headcanon just suits her, lol. (I can’t get over the fact that the first thing she wants to do after getting out of the orphanage is buying fancy clothes XD)

Thoma & Lannion are Emma’s partners-in-crime for pranking the rest of the kids in GF House I mean, let’s be honest. Their personalities just fit SO MUCH to be the pranksters of the family, lol.

Emma is the most affectionate one out of the trio, but she does it unconsciously, while Norman loves physical affection but almost never ask for it, and Ray is pretty neutral towards physical affection but he’d get all embarrassed if someone being affectionate with him Nothing much needs to be said with this one. This is just my own fun little headcanon about the trio vs affection, lol

Thank you for the ask!

---

EDIT (additional this I just remembered)

Ray and Thoma are Asian Kind of biased since I’m an Asian, but I think their dark hair and slanted eyes just fit with it

Norman is the younger kids’ favorite I remember that scene when Shelly and Marnya jumped on Norman when he’s sleeping to wake him up. Also that one scene when the younger kids jumped on Norman when they just saw him again at the Paradise Hideout. It’s just adorable, and I think he’s the type who’d get along well with little kids.

Anna would be Ray’s favorite younger sibling It’s canon that Ray has a high curiosity and the sense of need to know many things (he read all the books in the Grace Field library even though no one asked him to do it, and some of the books aren’t even needed to ace the test), and I think Anna is the similar type too. Although her interest is more towards medicines, from her choice of helping everyone by increasing her knowledge, I think she’s the bookworm type too. And imo it’s just cute imagining Ray noticing this and starts giving books recommendations to her.

[okimargarvez]

After the papa rossi gof set (which i love, i love papa rossi). Could you do a detailed description of what you think the other teammates think of garvez. I know you've kinda done it when you analyze garvez scenes, but pretty please?? Especially papa rossi, hotch and morgan, oh and jj and. .. well all of them? Please and thank you!

Hey, Anon, hope you understand that this took me a while. I would have liked to finish faster. I’m not sure if you meant garvez in general or the idea of them as a couple... I tried to do both.

So, here we are.

Hotch. 

He had little time to know Luke, but I like to imagine the others told him when they started dating. He would have been protective of her, like the other men. When he finally would have met them again, he would have hardly recognize Luke. He is not the same dark man, since he is with Penelope, but even before. He would have understood that. Because it was to him, that Luke told his desire to kill Cullen. Hotch saw the future profiler in Taskforce Agent Luke Alvez, but now he would have met the caring man, the so-in-love man, the man that could play with his son (Jack) and also make him smile... He would have show his seriousness (no-smile mood) just once he would saw how happy Garcia is with Luke. What about the “before”? I don’t think Hotch spent so much time wondering about Luke/Penelope dynamics... just because he had, at that moment, other most pressing issues (like catching Mr Scratch).

Morgan.

It’s almost canon (because we all agree about this) that Derek is a bit jealous to see his baby girl so close to another man, the man that replaced him, then! But, I like to imagine that he will not last very long, I mean, like the others, seeing what they are together, the chemistry, the care, he will be happy for her. Did he know before? I think so. It’s clear for the way he behaved in the only episode we got with Derek and Luke. He saw the jealousy Luke felt. He knows his princess and I’m sure they talked about this argument many times, so he pratically knows everything of their “story”, the growing of their relationship (during S12) and when he had the chance, he gave her his approval on Luke, asking her if she can be a little friendlier with Alvez. He saw her reaction, her annoyance and he knew why. He refused to talk straight to Luke just because Savannah told him no to intrude, to give them time. But he will be her first call after coming home “Luke asked me to dinner”, for a while he will be speechless but then he will start rambling like her, mixing “I told you” with “I need to buy I ticket - you know, the guy is okay but he still face the Talk”. I think he will be her best man when they will marry (sorry but I don’t know if this is right even for women, in Italy we say just “testimoni di nozze”, in a general way, no matter if it’s for men or women).

Rossi.

Not only Rossi knows that there is something between these two, he also feels responsible, because he was the one who insisted so hard to have Luke in the team and he also loves his kitten with every part of his heart. So, he didn’t do anything specific to help them get out of this limbo because he knew that an internal relationship would have been complicated and he couldn’t lose any of them. Luke is like a son, for him. Like the others at the party, they all saw them walking aside and they understood enough, but pretended opposite not to ruin the moment. But then... he talks with his wife, Krystall tries to make him understand “Luke doesn’t need the Talk”, but he is too stubborn. Rossi or Derek, one of them, calls the other, they talk and then they decide to make the Talk together. Then, Penelope, that knows her boys, stops them, saying to wait at least after their first date. They all laugh (Luke still a bit nervous, and he can’t understand if it’s because he is about to date Penelope or for the Talk). Rossi will walk Penelope down the aisle that day.

Spencer.

Just recently (thanks to a certain girl) Reid started to understand there was something between his coworkers. He was a bit still dizzy for what happened to him, the thought that Penelope is leaving... but noticed that there was something different in Luke. He noticed how close Luke tried to stay to Penelope, his gazes, his nervous... while he was dancing with JJ, they talked about it and his best friend laughed so hard; she just said “finally”. He wasn’t really good about relationship (especially romantic) but when he saw Luke looking at Penelope during the cheers and then looking at him with that stupid face, he knew that these two are mean to be something. He just knew and he wasn’t able to explain why. During the pregnancy he will tell to Luke all he learned when JJ was pregnant the first time, making him more agitated, obviously. But they still will choose him to be the godfather of the babies.

Matt.

Oh, Simmons is the only one that really points on Luke; he noticed that his friend is changed, he knew that he was about to do something concrete and maybe they also talked? He is now his best friend. He is so proud of him. He tried to help him during the dance scene, but he knew that he wasn’t up on him. He will defend Luke at the moment of the Talk and maybe he will also tease him about possible kids or marriage (but then he will be his best man). He will be just happy about Penelope.

JJ.

Agent Jareau was the first to notice everything. She tried to involve the others. She was sure that they will be together. Will had to listen to all her ramblings about it during the years. She was happy when Luke started dating Lisa but she never stopped to believe in “garvez”. Yeah, she also coined the ship name. Penelope never talked about her feelings, but she still knew. She can read her mind and her eyes as a book. And Luke, oh, Luke is even easier to read. She is the one that will want to know everything (ok, almost everything, keep the details for you, Garcia!) about their first date, their second date... she did it when Penelope was with Kevin. Why don’t do the same, this time? She will be the braid’s maid, of course. She is the first Penelope will call when she understands that she is pregnant. JJ will also be the more threatening for Luke; she is little, short, blondie with blue eyes... but Luke knows that she is able to kill him in so many different ways.

Emily.

She is happy for them, but even happier that they are not coworkers anymore; she doesn’t like to talk with bureaucrats, least of all to make them understand that a relationship between an agent and their IT wouldn’t interfere with the work of the BAU, because... Garcia is/was almost never on the field. And they are all professional people, come on! Probably Cruz would have understood, but the others... better in this way. And she can’t forget the times she saw Penelope crying and upset for their job. She will miss her but she hopes Garcia will be fine in her new place. And with Luke. She loves Garcia, but also Luke. They had their moments, good and bad times. Can we really believe that she never made anything to help/push garvez to happen? Why, for the hell, Garcia was sent to find Luke, right when he is having his first date since... a lifetime? We never saw something like this, I mean, when one of them was late, they just waited a moment and then... departed without them. And, second clue: she could have put Luke in a different role, after he was degraded, but no, she put him to work with Garcia. She really didn’t know? Not my opinion. Emily will handle all JJ exciment and will be infected, after a while.

Tara.

She was the great supporter of Luke and Lisa relationship. She loves both of them, Penelope and Luke. In the last year she understood there was no way out, Luke was hopeless, clearly in love with another woman. She adores to tease him, like Garcia... but still in a different way. Or maybe, it’s the way Luke replies to her jokes that is different. I can totally imagine Tara talking with Luke about the situation, like a big sister, especially after he told them about his break up with Lisa and since she noticed how he reacted for the thought Penelope could leave... Maybe she could talk with Matt, before this. But after, she will stay the sister that teasing him about how sappy he is with Penelope, that she feels the need to vomit because they are just... too sweet. But they will all know it’s a lie.

Sorry if this is not what you wanted. I did my best, as always and I hope you can still like it.

[rosalind-of-arden]

Sword and Pen Reread, chapter 14

Back to Thomas for this chapter. Time to think entirely too much about how shit works in what’s supposed to be a fun tomb raiding adventure chapter.

Ephemera is Jess’s letter to Callum. Ouch. I didn’t need my heart anyway.

The Tomb of Heron is probably the plot point I have the most difficulty with in this book. An extremely famous inventor’s tomb, right there in Alexandria, and no one’s figured it out until now. Really? A city full of extremely intelligent and highly educated Scholars, plus Burners and smugglers very motivated to get their hands on things that would fuck with the Library, and this tomb stayed untouched for that long?

“The official records said that Heron had died and been cremated.” Then again, this line here hints at an explanation. They erased Heron. Even then, they thought his inventions were too dangerous, and they erased all evidence of his tomb. It says something that they’re in fucking Egypt and people accepted the story that Heron was cremated.

Near the western wall of Alexandria, there is a small, ancient, and badly maintained temple of Thoth where Heron’s tomb is hidden, “surrounded by brickworks and dye shops”.

Seven locks, no one’s gotten past the third. And no one has thought just to dig in from another direction?

“Since raising Poseidon’s avatar from the hidden cavern beneath the harbor, he’d felt... different. Steadier. More his old self, as if the god’s shadow had healed something inside him that the prison had broken. He wasn’t the same. But where he’d been welded together again he felt... stronger.” So... obviously, controlling and activating a giant god automaton that proceeds to wreck entire navies has got to be a big self esteem boost. Thomas needed that. 

It’s also a very dramatic instance of being in control to counter the helplessness of Rome, and in that, it’s just the latest in a string of instances of Thomas taking control of his situation: the various Rays of Apollo, the presses, manipulating and attacking the Burner leader in Philadelphia... Thomas has been reasserting control as consistently as Morgan and Wolfe, really. All of them do better when they’re in control of things.

Also, very interesting bit of spiritual promiscuity here. Thomas calls himself a Protestant earlier in the series, but here he is showing serious reverence toward Heron and having a rather spiritual sounding experience with a Greek god. In the tomb, when he curses, he thinks he ought to be praying instead, but then thinks “surely God would understand.”

And, on a whump note, Thomas might very well also feel steadier just because he’s extremely focused on the task at hand. Like when he was building the Ray of Apollo in the embassy. Definitely some potential for a breakdown post-canon.

The Tomb of Heron has a hidden door that will only open for someone with a Scholar’s band. So the bands date back that far, or at least whatever script in them that the door recognizes does. That or this is evidence that the Library more recently actively worked to hide the tomb - would have had to be before this Archivist because of his notes with Vanya Nikolin that state that he didn’t already know where it was.

Possible theory: it’s the Obscurists who hid it. It took an Obscurist to find it, after all, and at least in recent years, they wouldn’t have been able to go looking for it themselves. Blah, but that doesn’t work with historical timelines from other ephemera. Unless we just go with the theory of all Library-sanctioned history being fucked because it’s been messed with for propaganda purposes.

Thomas learned lock picking from watching Jess. When did this happen? He’s seen Jess pick locks where? Jess had keys in Rome. Philly?Anywhere else? Is this another thing that must have happened on that ship from America to England? Might make for cute fic, anyway.

The High Garda has alchemical breathing masks for fighting fires. All these masks have me wondering what other medical-alchemical hybrid devices exist.

Let’s just keep a running tally of Thomas drooling over admiring Jess, shall we? “extraordinary” at lock picking, “supernaturally quick”, “flexible as an otter”

Thomas wonders if Morgan might be tracking his band. It comes off easily. I have speculated on this in fic form.

Thomas speaks Greek to the sphinx. Not ancient Greek. Just Greek. The sphinx replies in “archaic accents and usages” that Thomas finds challenging, but the two of them seem to be able to understand each other. Interesting clue on language development in Alexandria.

Does this riddle work in Greek? Does a river have a “bed” or a “mouth” in Greek? Ok, fine, getting to language geeky there.

The riddle seems to be fairly easy. How much of the test is the actual riddle and how much is not freaking the fuck out at the sight of the automaton?

Thomas is not good at language or music. He’s not sure about the order of the rainbow. Hints at neurodivergence.

WTF is making the crystals grow and shrink? Alchemy? Or whatever “magic” came before alchemy was actually invented?

Hints that Thomas is not ok: “His breath came in short, unconscious sobs. Despite his concentration, he was afraid.” He’s not as cured as he thinks he is, just distracted from trauma by the tasks he’s focused on. The crystal puzzle overwhelms him enough that he feels powerless and afraid again.  He describes dealing with the crystals as “torturous” more than once, which doesn’t seem like a word choice he’d go for casually. Danger and pain he can’t control are triggering.

Lots of bones and a half-rotted body. Maybe good, well-behaved Scholars believe it when they’re told Heron’s Tomb is a myth, but clearly people have been trying to get in. Did this one test actually kill all the skeletons here? Or did the automata drag the bones into this pile from elsewhere in the tomb?

Heron invented a press. There’s why the Library kept the tomb hidden. Until now, the Library didn’t actually want the tomb opened. They couldn’t erase Heron because his work was too important and famous, but they could control what work was remembered. So the Library spread a bullshit story about the tomb not being real that Scholars accepted because they were warned not to ask questions or killed for trying, and the Library let anyone else who tried to get in die to the traps. Somewhere along the way, someone decided to hide the records of the tomb’s location.

Thomas calls an invention of Heron’s something that “dated back to the very beginnings of the Great Library.” As another data point on Library history.

[headoverjojo]

Aaaannnd here I am again 👀 It’s time for the journey into madness? ayyy, it is :3 so, we all know what happened to Kira when he first saw the Mona Lisa, but... how, why... when? He decided to be a killer? Aaaand ad always ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ

Esteeeeeeee c⌒っ╹v╹ )っ aaaaaaaa this requeeeestttt, I loved it ** Ok!! So, i knooow that SURELY there are incongruences with the canon, but! That’s just a fic. And how I see Kira as character! This said, I hope you’ll like it :3

How Yoshikage Kira understood he would have been a killer

(Under the cut for length, violence, blood and murder)

The first time Yoshikage Kira saw the Mona Lisa in an art book, he had what could be called an epiphany. It was like a sort of divine illumination; he had often heard about saints who declared, in their memoires, to have been visited by God, but, until that fatidic moment, he hadn’t believed it. Now it was all different. All his thoughts were focused on the Mona Lisa, on a detail of the masterpiece: Lisa’s hands. They were so… delicate, so fragile, so perfect. He had never seen hands like those. Leonardo managed to immortalise the perfection in form of hands. Kira was mesmerized by them, he couldn’t think about anything else. If God existed and He was perfection, then, in the Mona Lisa’s hands, there was also God. Kira firmly believed it and every time he opened the book, which he had bought, to study the painting, he couldn’t help but to feel God while he stared at Lisa’s hands.

He was so absorbed in this new contemplation that everything else hadn’t any relevance. School, friends, his parents… nothing. What mattered were Lisa’s hands. He dreamed about them, he dreamed to find around something who could reply that perfection, something that could make him feel the same way as he was feeling while he was watching them, but nothing seemed to live up to them. It was so frustrating that, often, Kira snapped at his parents and even at his professors, who, one day, decided to call his father to talk about Yoshikage’s recent behaviour.

It was concerning. In thirteen years, Yoshikage never disappointed anyone. He was the perfect child: meek, obedient, diligent, always ready to satisfy his parents or the professors’ expectations. His grades never dropped but neither rose to the top; he was amiable, but not the most funny or friendly in his class. He was… average. He was content to live a normal, average and quiet life, not even trying to point to the top; he wasn’t interested to that. He wanted, as his father, to work as employee in the local company, go and come back home at precise hours, maybe marry to an average, meek and quiet woman and live a quiet and average life. He wasn’t a person who loved excitement or unforseen events.

So, when he came home, that day, he didn’t expect his book not to be anymore in his room. A fear deeper than anything else he had ever felt sank in his stomach. It couldn’t be… had he lost it? How?! He never carried it out of his room! Maybe… maybe he had placed it somewhere and he didn’t remember when? He started to search for the book, firstly calmly, sure to find it, then more and more frantically, in a more and more hysteric frenzy. It wasn’t here… he had turned all his room inside out, but the book wasn’t here. A blinding rage took over him, as he was starting to understand. That day, he had seen his father near his school… it was strange, but he hadn’t paid attention to it. Maybe his mother had sent him to buy something at the supermarket, he thought. Now he understood that his father was around his school because he had been called called by his professors. Those brutes… they didn’t understand. They didn’t understand God’s message through Lisa’s hands. They couldn’t see the perfection, their sight was too poor to catch it. Kira pitied them; what a sad life, living without recognizing the perfect beauty when you had it in front of you.

For a moment, he imagined to storm into his parents’ room and take the book back. He even indulged into some fantasies that involved knives, his parents… he imagine to sink his favourite knife, the one he used to chop the vegetables when he was cooking with his mother, in their bodies, again, and again, and again, until the whole room would have been completely soaked in their blood… but not their hands. They had nice hands; not perfect as Lisa, but it was a point of start. Yes… yes, it was so, Kira mulled, sitting on the floor of his now messy room. That was a sort of proof. He had been showed the perfect beauty, but it was something he could just admire in a book, not something he could touch, he could have. Now that he had tasted the heavenly perfection, he couldn’t live without it. He wanted… he wanted it. He wanted it just for himself. He wanted to bask in that warmth and not to be without it ever again. It had been revealed to him in form of hands; and in form of hands he should have looked for it.

Hands… he had to search for hand. Not every kind of hands, of course; just the ones that could at least try to live up to Lisa’s hands, the perfect model he had burned in his mind and soul. The need to have back his only source of comfort, the only thing that was giving a sense and a deeper meaning to his average life was becoming increasingly urgent. He had… he had to do it.

He needed to take someone’s hands.

In the period that followed the book theft, Kira did his best to at least seem the boy he was before, even if no one could go back from such an epiphany. He started to study again with diligence, he acted calmer and meeker, as before, not to raise any suspicion. He had already slipped once; he didn’t want it to happen again. His grades went back to normality, his professors and parents relaxed, seeing that he was the old, good Yoshikage, the obedient and meek boy they liked so much. It seemed that everything was back as it was before…

Just that it wasn’t.

Kira was hunting. He was looking around, discreetly studying others’ hands, girls’ hands. He couldn’t get a boy’s hands, as they weren’t perfect hands. Just women’s hands could aspire to near perfection; and, after many researches, he finally found the hands he wanted.

Miss Yoshino was a woman on her forties, with long black hair tied in a serious bun and a sharp voice. She taught English and she was one of the most tough teachers of the whole school. What was interesting about her, however, were her hands. Hers were beautiful hands, well proportioned, without prominent veins or marks. They were of the right paleness and her nails were well kept, short and neat. Those were hands of someone who had never had to do some heavy manual work; they seemed soft and nice and Kira was dying inside to have them finally for him, just for him…

He had prepared himself thoroughly for that day. He knew that Miss Yoshino, for students who needed it or who asked for it, gave supplementary lessons in English and Kira asked her if he could join one of her lessons, to “prepare better for exams”, he said. He earned an approval nod from the teacher and her address.

He had, however, to wait few months before fate allowed him the privilege to be alone with her. Kira’s heart almost jumped out his chest, when he saw it. Alone… he was alone with her. It was the perfect time.

And so he acted, moved by a deep and urgent need that had ate him from inside for months. He meekly offered to prepare tea, while Miss Yoshino prepared the lesson for the day; the woman smiled at him, totally ignorant of what was about to happen.

Kira put the kettle on the stove, as always. He took the tea from the cabinet, black tea with cinnamon and ginger, Miss Yoshino’s favourite. Lastly, he took the teapot and just one mug, paying attention, then, to clean everything up. Then, instead of a little spoon, he took a sharp kitchen knife and turned around, approaching the woman who was giving him her back, as she was busy writing on the whiteboard.

It hadn’t been like he had imagined. He had imagined screams, a mess of blood and organs, agonizing expressions, something gruesome, something violent and slow… it hadn’t been like this. He sank in his teacher’s back, once, twice, fifteen times in total, even when she was on the ground, even when she was clearly dead. He hadn’t felt anything. It had been something… almost mechanic. All the anxiety and the stress he had felt before just were vanished them moment he had sunk the knife into his teacher’s body and then he was focused just on the task to kill her in the fastest possible way. Killing her was just a way to get what he really wanted: her hand. Now that he was at his point, he could feel excitement bubbling in his chest and rising to his face, where a grin was displaying on his lips. Finally… finally he could have near the object which embodied perfection.

He kneeled near to the corpse, taking her right hand, with gentleness and deference, as he was holding a relic. Then, just like when he helped his mother by chopping the vegetables, he chopped her hands off her body, a neat and precise cut, as he liked it. He took with him the knife and the hand, hiding them in plastic bags he had carried from home, he put everything in his backpack and went out, like nothing had happened.

No one ever suspected of him. Kira was present when the tragic death of Miss Yoshino was announced to the whole school and he was present even at Miss Yoshino’s funeral. No one even noticed him. How could they? He was an average boy; nothing of him was particular or weird. He was a figure on the background.

And Kira understood that being on the background was the safest way not to be chased. He could do everything he wanted; no one would have ever suspected of the meek, diligent and obedient Yoshikage Kira.

His being average would have been his safeness, his final protection. From that position, he could go on in his research of perfection through hands.

Because he knew that just Miss Yoshino’s hand wouldn’t have been enough, oh no. A human hand was made of flesh, and flesh, after a while, rots; he had to regularly find a new hand to replace the rotten one, a hand better than the previous one…

Yoshikage Kira knew that his life, from that moment on, would have been a life of research. Research of beauty, research of perfection, of that godly bliss he had felt the first time he had seen the Mona Lisa’s hands. He wanted to replicate that moment, to feel and live it again and again, he needed it, it was like a drug, he couldn’t give it up, and, meanwhile, he wanted to live the rest of his life in the quietest possible way.

No matter how many existences he had to rip apart, he would have found that perfection again and again. This was his life, now.

And he liked it.

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 409

This episode did so many things right! And it did so many things in ways that made me ragey with how easily things could have been done right if they just admitted this part of the book is trash!

Dive under the cut if you want, but no one’s making you so don’t @ me if you don’t agree...

They Sansa Stark’ed Bree when she was being raped and now they’re Sansa Stark’ing her in the aftermath. This isn’t about fucking Lizzie, show. This never should have even happened but now we’re stuck accepting the shit choice you made.

Yes, Lizzie causes a fucking dumb af thing later. But right now it looks like they’re making the aftermath of Bree’s rape about someone else.

Seriously, this is not a good show.

But props where they’re due, Sophie has gotten significantly better at acting this season. And last week and this week she’s actually been good enough to not take me out of the scene when I’m watching. So yay for that?

Oh fuck off, Roger. You’re still the worst. But this show appears to not care that you’re the worst and wants us to ship you with Bree. Which makes me side-eye the fuck out of the writers. Because wtaf.

This show gives me whiplash. Like are we supposed to watch the current episode (whatever the current one is) through the lens of whatever the last episode was? Or are we supposed to throw out whatever happened in the last episode and just take the current one at face value? Because those two things are usually not compatible.

Guys I swear I liked some parts of this episode, but Outlander is such a shit show/shitshow at this point that it’s basically impossible to come away with an overall positive feeling. At least for me.

Oh, Lizzie’s been ill? Does Lizzie have malaria? Because clearly it’s important to shoehorn in book nonsense when it doesn’t make sense and isn’t shown in the show. FFS.

Someone hire a new showrunner. For the love of fuck.

Anyone else hoping Roger is never heard from again after he sails off with the Gloriana? No? Just me? Fuck this show for assuming we’ll ship a toxic couple just because it’s book canon. 

Book!Roger is mostly crap too, tbh.

Literalol at Bree being like oh, some rando lady cut into a dude in a theater? Yep, that’s my mom.

Did we really have to have Jamie peeing? Fucking really? Le sigh.

It’s Matt fucking I-Love-The-Books-Even-Though-They-Are-Mostly-Shit-Praise-Me-For-My-Copy-And-Paste-Skills Roberts. Of Course this is verbatim from the books. Ugh.

“I hadna though of you as grown, except I literally had photos of you looking exactly like you do now. So I know exactly what you look like.”

Jamie has seen Bree’s fucking picture as an adult. And with Claire, Murtagh, Lord John, Willie and even fucking Geillis having come back into his life unexpectedly, it makes no sense that he wouldn’t recognize her. 

I hate that this is straight from the book.

It’s well acted and shit, but that doesn’t mean it’s good.

Everything after him not recognizing her is great though. Basically I’m here for the hug.

Balfe and Skelton own this episode.

Jamie being personally offended by the printer’s shoddy work on their obituary gives me life. 

Oh, apparently they have settlers on the Ridge now? Cool. Cool cool cool.

Young Ian being like “yeah, I’m used to your absurdity, Auntie Claire” is my everything.

I really want him and Bree to bond. But not have him do the creepy proposal thing. Please cut that, show.

Claire is like “are you fucking kidding me, Roger bounced after one fight?!”

Claire knowing Roger is a twat makes me hope she’s the one who rips him a new one when they eventually get him back, tbh. Because yeah, Roger is a fucking asshat.

Own that you fucked up and stay to make it right, fuckwad. Don’t...be you, apparently.

Fuck them for making Bree go through an unnecessary rape and fuck them for making her feel extra awful because Claire has already replaced the ring she was raped over.

I know I have to accept that they’re following the book but ffs, the show we could have had would have been so much more interesting than the show we’re getting.

“Because the books” is literally my least favorite reason for the show doing anything. If it’s in the book and it’s included in the show, it should be because it’s a good story, not “because it’s in the book.”

These scenes with Jamie and Claire make me miss Jamie and Claire. They’ve been reduced to like a fraction of what they were this season, and as much as I love the cutesy shit, I miss the passionate Frasers I fell in love with.

That being said, I 100% would totes watch a webseries about the Frasers’ annual Fire Day Funtimes. But for real, the fire is in January? Frasers. Just throw out your tree the day after Christmas instead of keeping it too long so it gets all dried out and burns your house down.

“Look at our beautiful green screen, daughter!” “I love this green screen! It’s a green screen I could only imagine from my history books!”

Claire saying Jamie is used to random references about the future when Bree feels bad about her Daniel Boone tangent is my everything.

“WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?” Y’ALL I LOVE THIS LINE SO FUCKING MUCH. BREE HAS FAMILY WHO LOVE HER EVEN THOUGH THEY’VE NEVER MET HER AND THEY’RE NOT GOING TO USE HER AS A PAWN TO HURT ANYONE ELSE AND I REALLY HOPE AT SOME POINT WE GET MORE BREE AND MURTAGH.

MURTAGH BEING A PROUD PAPA BEAR ABOUT BREE IS MY FAVORITE THING IN THE WORLD.

The scene at dinner is all I ever wanted. Fuck plot sometimes. This scene of a fucking family eating together and telling embarrassing yet endearing stories is fucking perfection. I mean, sure Dougal’s family is a convenient plot device, but whatever. I AM HERE FOR MURTZ TELLING EMBARRASSING STORIES ABOUT JAMIE, AND BREE AND YOUNG IAN LOL’ING ABOUT IT AND CLAIRE BEING LIKE O RLY YOU COUSIN KISSER YOU.

I need Bree to meet Fergus and Marsali. Fergus is the OG Fraser kid and knows what it’s like to have parents who aren’t biologically his but are 100% loving regardless. And has seen Jamie and Claire at their best and at their worst and is literally an amazing character witness who can tell Bree what’s up. And Marsali is not just another young mother who can relate on that level, but also has seen a bad marriage and can empathize with Bree’s childhood. Like Marsali saw Jamie in a shitty marriage where he tried his hardest and failed to make Laoghaire happy. And Bree saw Claire try to do the same with Fred. And Marsali was hesitant with Claire at first because she loves her mom even though her mom is a crazy bitch. And Bree is hesitant with Jamie even though she should def realize by now that Fred was straight up abusive trash.

I just need Bree and Fergus and Marsali to meet and bond, ok. 

I was 100% expecting someone to make a future reference as soon as Young Ian left and I thought it would be Murtz but yay that it’s Claire historically fangirling.

But ugh, fuck the writers for including Bree’s rape. Red flags for days that she isn’t fangirling over G-Dub.

Lizzie has malaria because “the book” but they don’t ever actually show her being sick. Because it’s not actually important to the story. Fuck them for always including extraneous shit like this when it doesn’t matter with the story they’re telling.

“Daddy knew. That you came back. I saw the obituary on his desk years ago. I didn’t realize what it was at the time, but...I remembered it recently when I found it again myself. He knew you came back to Jamie. But I still went to his grave and said he was my hero. Even though I rightfully kicked Roger to the curb for doing the same thing. Because it’s impossible for the writers of this show to admit that Fred is trash.”

ETA -- An anon pointed out that she said that at what was probs Frank’s funeral since the grave was fresh and didn’t know anything about time travel yet. But still. I stand by what I said after that episode aired, that line was dumb for other reasons too.

Seriously though, Bree ditches Roger for not telling her about Claire dying in the past, but Frank, who knew about it and chose to not tell Claire about it, is her fucking hero? Fuck all the way off, show. Like seriously, she’s telling fucking Claire that Fred knew like it’s not the same fucking reason why she sent Fred Jr packing. I cannot even.

Bree better fucking get there eventually. Because holy shit the fact that she doesn’t get how awful Frank is at this point makes me want to hate her. 

It’s ok to think a parent is trash, Bree. You owe them fucking nothing. And if they try to make you feel like you do, that’s just more proof that they’re garbage.

And don’t @ me with shit about how he was always nice to her so she didn’t notice. You fucking notice when someone in your life is shit to someone else in your life even if they’re nice to you. You fucking notice.

And if somehow you don’t notice and someone else says they were epically shitty to them, guess what, you should believe that person. Because no one makes this shit up for lols. Standing by shitty people just because they weren’t shitty to you specifically makes you a shitty person.

Ugh. I hate this show and the people who make it sometimes.

Claire’s face when she realizes that not only did Frank emotionally abuse her and use Bree as a weapon against her for 20 years, but also *knew* that she would go back to the past and die and didn’t tell her is fucking heartbreaking.

“Frank was an astute man.” Interesting way to say “Frank was an abusive piece of shit.”

I get that she’s still trying to protect Bree from the truth about Freddy boy, but there comes a point where my girl deserves to speak her fucking truth and let her loved ones know the pain she went through.

“I can see why you had to come back to Jamie.” Really. Can you. Because if you still have Frank up on a pedestal as your hero, I really don’t think you actually get it yet. Don’t make me go back to hating you, Bree. Wake the fuck up, you’re smarter than this.

Seriously, each and every person on this show who has ever done press where they’ve claimed that Frank is a “good” man deserves to be slapped upside the head. He is awful. He is fucking absolutely, irredeemably awful. And anyone who claims he’s a good guy or that his relationship with Claire is #goals is a misogynist piece of shit.

For real, shitty choices by the writers room aside, Balfe and Skelton are so fucking good in this episode.

I’m calling bullshit that Bonnet would give Roger gemstones just because he asked. But I also don’t give a fuck about anything to do with this part of Roger’s story soooo... Moving on.

Montage!

Subtlety has never been this show’s strong suit but jfc, they’re so fucking heavy-handed with the “they’re something up with Bree” stuff this episode.

Jamie being so open about talking about Frank and letting Bree know he knows about him does so much to set him apart from the piece of shit who raised Bree. Jamie is flawed af, but he doesn’t force people to hide half of Bree’s life from her. He’s open about her truth and that’s more than Fred ever fucking did for her.

Y’all the scene with Bree, Young Ian, Murtz and Jamie at the still is fucking adorable. But only because she eventually finds out the truth about her nickname. Just tell her things in a joking manner, y’all. Bond! Be a fam!

Also the line about people calling Young Ian “Young Ian” is kinda the on the nose shit I don’t like but it’s not as egregious as the other times they’ve done it so I guess I’ll let this one slide.

Claire, same girl, we all want them to stop tiptoeing around, talking about Fred. Fred was the worst and Fred is dead. Acknowledge Fred and then fucking move on already.

Jamie looking at his sleeping kiddo makes me feel feelings.

Ok Jamie taking Bree hunting for bees is kind of my fave for so many reasons. When he takes Willie hunting, they hunt a stag. Jamie knows that Bree knows how to shoot because Frank taught her, but instead of taking her to hunt game they’d have to shoot, he takes her hunting bees. So it’s different than what she had with Frank. Because he’s actively trying to not replace the father she grew up with and clearly though undeservedly loves.

Jamie is flawed but 1000x the better man.

Don’t @ me that Fred taught her to shoot in case she went back to the past. He literally didn’t tell Claire she was going to die. He left Claire to tell Bree the truth once he died. He was a shitty, shitty, petty man.

They’re really getting their money’s worth out of that fucking eagle stock shot.

Seriously though, they should have moved the production to North Carolina.

The metaphor about the bees losing one home without any say-so to then become content where they end up is tough. Because yes, it’s what Claire did. And she thrived. But at this point for Bree, she’s not 100% open to making her new situation permanent. So she hears this and is like “ugh I guess I could make do” whereas Jamie is like “you’re so welcome here and you’ll come to love it like we love you.” And it lowkey makes me want to hug them both. Because omfg how could you not want to just hug the shit out of them in this situation. He so wants to be close to the only biological child he can acknowledge and she is so hesitant to open up to the father who gave up everything he cared about for her but who she doesn’t know from Adam. I JUST CAN’T WAIT FOR THEM TO ACTUALLY BOND A LOT NEXT SEASON.

Ok but for real, if I have to hear one more speech about how Fred is a good guy I’m gonna vomit. Jamie is giving this speech because he doesn’t fully know what Claire went through. Because last season and this season the show has never let Claire actually talk to Jamie about what it was like for her with Frank. (Also the show refuses to admit that they portrayed him as an abusive piece of shit... Which is its own problem.) There’s a passage in Drums where Claire finally makes it clear to Jamie how it was for her and I’m hoping they fucking include it because dammit, Jamie needs to know and Claire needs to say it.

WHEN JAMIE HUGS BREE AND SAYS SHE CAN CALL HIM DA AND SHE CALLS HIM DA I HAVE SO MANY FEEEEEEELINGGGGGGSSSS.

ONE OF JAMIE’S KIDDOS CALLS HIM DAAAAAAAAAA.

“She called me Da.” Y’all it was the first time any of Jamie’s kids have called him that. Fergus calls him Milord. Faith died. He never got to meet Bree as a child. He couldn’t acknowledge Willie. Marsali and Joanie call him daddy like fucking creepy weirdos. Young Ian is like a son but calls him Uncle Jamie, because that’s who he is. BUT NO ONE HAS EVER CALLED HIM DA BEFORE AND I AM SO FULL OF FEELS.

Ok the forehead snuggles are great but again, as the season goes on I really miss the passionate Frasers. Not because I want the smut. I can get smut anywhere. It’s just that their relationship is becoming so one-note and I want it to go back to being dynamic like it used to be.

Omfg I cannot with how on the nose Bree looking at the mama bird and the baby birds is. Try harder, show.

All this bullshit with Fred trying to keep the rift between Claire and her daughter like an asshole and Claire can still guess exactly what’s wrong with Bree after years apart because CLAIRE MOTHERFUCKING BEAUCHAMP IS A GOOD GODDAMN MOTHER WHO LOVES HER CHILD MORE THAN ANYTHING. I WILL FIGHT YOU ON THIS.

Claire’s face in this whole scene though. *throws awards at Balfe*

I can’t get over the what could have beens. This scene is so well acted, but I can’t stop thinking of how unnecessary the rape plotline is.

Literally half of my struggle with this show is trying to ignore all of the squandered potential and the other half of the struggle is trying to keep straight what I’m supposed to consider canon at any given moment. Is it current show canon? Past episode canon? What the writers think they’re showing even though they’re actually showing something else? Backfilled book canon? *drinks heavily*

What Bree goes through is fucking awful, but Claire feeling crushed that she wasn’t able to protect her baby is also heartbreaking. Not at the same level, by any means. But it’s still fucking a gut punch.

Oh hey, someone finally said the word rape. Fucking finally. I know that it was the characters trying to make things less awkward or painful as they talked about it before, but it also felt (to me) like the writers trying to skirt around the fact that they chose rape another character for no good reason. Glad they finally said it like it fucking is. Also, again, because I can’t say it enough, fuck them for not adapting this story line. 

Rogergate is so fucking dumb I cannot.

I can’t believe they’re committing to this shit.

Can someone please put Matt in timeout and give the show to someone else for a while.

Oh hey, Claire found her old ring! The ring that doesn’t even matter anymore. Because Matt and Maril had a boner for the book ring.

Have I mentioned I don’t like their choices recently?

Ok, fucking Lizzie says she saw this shit. And Jamie’s first instinct is to fucking go berserk and keep shit from Bree and Claire. You really are going to trust a fucking rando maid without talking to Claire and Bree?! Of course.

Ain’t toxic masculinity grand.

Fucking I hate that Claire nods that she’ll keep the Bonnet detail from Jamie. No. Fuck that noise. Don’t fucking spare his fucking feelings. You fucking communicate. That’s how you live as a strong couple. Fucking communicate.

GAH.

Fuck them for now making Ian be the one who sends him into slavery. 

Jamie isn’t off the hook by any stretch. Fuck that guy. Literally just going off on a dude because a fucking maid thinks she knows what’s up. I’m just saying I’m now thinking that the show’s gonna play it like it was Young Ian’s fault and he chooses to stay because he thinks it’s on him.

Can’t have our romantic lead send a guy into slavery, no one will like that. Better have the nephew we’ve had borderline fetishizing the Cherokee all season do it.

And in the process make the Cherokee/Mohawk the “bad guys.” Not the jump-to-conclusions-colonizers.

I hate Rogergate so fucking much.

Also how the fuck in the two months that Bree has been with them has she never once described what Roger looks like. Literally when anyone first starts dating someone, the first question anyone asks from like the beginning of time until now is “what’s he like and what does he look like.”

Ughhh.

*is wistful af about the angst and drama-filled less problematic show we could have gotten if the writers had the balls to admit that the back half of Drums is bad*

[umbrellaacadfanfic]

Five X Reader - Coffee Shop AU

A/N: This was originally going to be a regular coffee shop AU but then I had the idea of setting it in the diner and reader is working for Agnes, and thought it was a really fun idea that fits much better into the established canon, so enjoy!

"Mornin' Agnes!" You called out into the kitchen, as you stepped out of the damp, foggy morning air through the back entrance and set your bag on a small coat hanger nearby. Agnes popped her head around the corner and smiled. "Oh good morning Y/N, ready to face the day?" Somehow despite all the years of customer service she had suffered, the woman was still able to maintain a positive attitude each day, and each day you came in to work your shift it amazed you how she could be so optimistic despite her circumstances. "Yep!" you replied and put on an apron as you headed into the kitchen to help prepare fresh doughnuts for the customers that day.

Despite the torture that is customer service, you enjoyed working in the diner, especially in the kitchen, and you were content even with your low pay, as you insisted that Agnes keep most of the money for herself, knowing she was saving up for something important to her. Why else would she choose to deal with customers for so many years?

The day went by as every day did at the diner, you, in the kitchen, making doughnuts and coffees and everything else, and Agnes, at the counter taking and serving orders. You were a good team. But lately Agnes had been getting distracted by a man she was obviously falling for, and often they would sit together around the back of the shop or talk over the bar, and this meant some customers were left unserved and you had to take over to avoid complaints. You didn't mind much, though, as you could see how happy Agnes was with the man and let them have their fun.

The shop was quiet in the mornings, and you were back washing the dishes. You heard the front door open and close, and footsteps making their way up to the bar. You assumed Agnes would take the order, but she must've been in the back because you could hear the service bell chime as the sound bounced off the kitchen's tiled walls.

You quickly slid off your rubber gloves and briskly stepped round to the bar and grabbed a small pad of paper and a pen that Agnes had left on the side. You smiled at the customer briefly before looking back down at the pad without paying much attention to who you were speaking to. By now this was a routine for you.

"What can I get you?" You asked, in the most polite voice you could muster. "Coffee. Black. To go" You heard a voice grumble from behind the note pad, and you immediately placed it on the counter and turned around to head into the kitchen without making eye contact, although you did catch a glimpse of pale skin, dark brown hair and a black suit. This customer didn't sound like they were in the mood for conversation, so you silently poured the coffee into a to-go cup, popped on the lid and grabbed a black pen. "Can I get your name?" You and Agnes had started writing customers names on their coffee recently, the personalisation seemed to be popular with most people that came in for an order to take away. "Don't bother" He grumbled back.

Now that you looked at this man over the counter, you could see how much he needed the coffee. He had clear dark circles under his eyes and looked weary, as though he hadn't slept in quite a while. He had green eyes below his drooping eyelids and his tie was sloppily dangling from his collar. "Um, ok" you looked back at him for a second too long before placing the cup down on the counter. The man looked about 20 something, and he briefly stretched his lips into a smile in what seemed to be an attempt to be polite, highlighting a dimple on his right cheek and two moles placed close together just above. As he slid off the bar stool he was seated on, you turned to pretend to clean the counter with a cloth you found in your apron pocket so you could glance back at his dark figure as he shuffled out of the diner and shut the door behind him.

"Oh, hi Y/N" Agnes grinned at you from the kitchen door and you whipped your head round to meet her gaze. "Thanks for taking care of the customers while I was gone. Sorry, I didn't let you know where I was, and Hazel got a bit....carried away." She seemed to still be buzzing and you decided to act like you were none the wiser, only commenting "Your lipstick is smudged, Agnes" with a smirk pulling at your lips.

"Oh! Right." She muttered, before scurrying off to find her bag and fix her appearance up a bit. You glanced back at the entrance once more and then turned back into the kitchen to busy yourself with cleaning the counters, the thought of the sleepless guy lingering over your head like the fog that blanketed the air that morning.

***

After that first encounter, the same perpetually exhausted young adult came in time after time, always getting a cup to go, never once staying in for longer than two minutes, always wearing the same black tie and white shirt in which he wore the first time you met him. Each time you asked for a name as procedure until you gave up on even bothering and instead decided to short, encouraging messages on each cup whilst you were in the kitchen, to see if the man would notice. You found it fun to think of new and unique forms of encouragement to put on the cup, and your new favourite customer never seemed to mind or even notice, which just spurred you on to keep going. After all, it was good practice for knowing how to help your friends in your personal life, too.

One of those days, however, you didn't see this peculiar man all day besides his regular morning visit, and despite knowing he could probably take care of himself, you couldn't help but worry. That is, until that evening, just as you and Agnes were about to close up shop, a familiar dark figure swayed its way through the front entrance. Agnes looked to you for what she should do next, so you quickly left the bar and held up the man by your shoulder, nodding to Agnes to indicate that you'll take care of this. She hurried off to finish closing up and left you the key to the place on the counter before leaving through the back door.

You helped the clearly intoxicated man to a booth and sat him down, before heading back to the kitchen to get him his usual coffee and a glass of water. He looked like he needed it.

By the time you got back to where you had left him, he had pulled out a paperback book and was flipping through it weakly, occasionally scribbling something in it with a blue biro pen that was almost out of ink. You watched intently and tried to read the blue scrawlings, but they all looked like extremely complicated equations that you could never understand, and each page was filled to the brim with them, so much so that you could barely read the letters that were originally printed on the pages.

After a few seconds, you remembered where you were and set down the drinks you were holding on the table and took a seat across from the man. At this he finally looked up, his eyelids drooping more than usual, and he blinked at you slowly. "I've got 5 days." He mumbled, "5 days to stop the apocalypse."

"Er...ok? I made you some coffee. Black, just how you like it. And water. It's important that you stay hydrated." You pushed the mug towards him and he took it in both hands, taking a large gulp and sighing. "....Thanks" was all you could hear from him.

After a few minutes of nothing but silence and heavy gulps of steaming hot coffee, you spoke again. "So, um, where do you live? Do you have somewhere to go that I can take you to in case you pass out or something? Not that I'm trying to stalk you or anything." You hoped you would get some kind of answer but it would be a gamble with a drunk man who barely speaks to you even when he's sober, but you soon got an answer. "The Umbrella Academy." He spoke bluntly.

"The what?" You hadn't heard of those kids in years, let alone knew where they lived, and you thought now they must be much older than the man that sat before you, but you assumed you could look up the address. "The Umbrella Academy." He repeated. "It's a shithole but I've got nowhere else to go." He finished his coffee and you stood up and moved over to help him out of his seat, realising he isn't going to bother with the water. "Right, well, let's get you there before you get vomit on our nice clean seats." He stood up and let you walk him out through the back door being held up by your shoulders.

You grabbed the keys and locked the door behind you, and just as you turned back around the drunken man bent over and let a wave of vomit splat onto the floor. Somehow none of it got on the suit, and he wiped his mouth with his hand. You opened your car door and grabbed a tissue for him from inside the glove box and handed it to him. Once he had cleaned himself up you both got in your car and you pulled out your phone to find the address for The Umbrella Academy.

You found the address relatively quickly and got some directions for how to get there. Once you put your phone down you realised the man had passed out in your passenger seat. Despite the fact you anticipated this, it was still annoying, as you contemplated how you would muster up the strength to get his limp body out of your car. Deciding not to think about it until you reached your destination, you started the engine and drove off.

***

Once you reached the building that your phone directed you to, you saw the umbrella emblem on the gates outside and assumed you were in the right place. You couldn't carry your suited friend to the door so instead, you opted to knock first and if anyone else was home you could ask them for assistance.

You stepped out of your car and walked up to the door, knocking sharply. You hoped that if anyone was asleep in the house it would wake them up.

After a few seconds, the front door opened and there stood a 30-year-old scruffy looking junkie, wearing a skirt and no shoes or socks. "Uh, I have a friend of yours in the car? He told me to bring him here. Looks about 20 something, always wears a suit, likes his coffee black. He's passed out in my car." You tried to explain the situation as best as you could. The man before you seemed to understand you, which was a surprise, and he whispered to himself "Five..." before turning around and yelling out into what looked like a huge house from where you were stood.

"Luther! I found Five" You had no idea what was about to happen, but then an extremely muscular man appeared in the doorway and looked at you, suspicious. "Where is he?" He demanded, and you were immediately intimidated by his stature and nearing aggressive tone. "In the passenger seat." You stated, referring to your car, almost quivering slightly under the tall man's gaze, but he quickly shoved past you. The muscular man pulled open the car door with a little too much force, and you winced at the potential damage. "Don't worry," The junkie suddenly spoke behind you, "He's just been worrying about our brother all day." You raise your eyebrow at that and watch as Luther carries the limp black figure indoors.

"Oh, and what was his name?" You ask, now more curious than ever. "Oh, we just call him Five." The junkie replied, before sauntering back into the building, shutting the door behind him, leaving you alone to ponder in the street.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading my first umbrella academy one-shot, I hope you enjoyed it! There will be more to come as soon as I get some requests here or on Wattpad. :)

[nulfaga]

I know you've mentioned you have a AU where Orpheus and Martin are a happy couple living together on a farm with no one to bother them and I'm wondering if you have any domestic head canons for them.

RIPS OFF MY SHIRT AND ROARS INTO THE NIGHT!!!!! (that is to say: yes i have one or two things!)

Ok to start off this is the au anon is talking about (i seem to have written this over a year ago...christ)

SO

something i didn’t think about when i conceived of this AU (mostly because gemile didn’t exist yet) was that it necessitates either martin never finding out that he was adopted or realizing at some point that he’s uriel’s son but not knowing who his mother is which is.... :( bad

HOWEVER once orph comes into the picture and martin meets his father, talin, that problem goes away!!! bc talin was there when gem was still at the palace with baby martin so. he knows whats up

I actually havent given much thought to how they meet... i mean technically in canon theyve “met” once before in ~3e 418 when orph deserted the legion and fled to the kvatch chapel but it was like, theyd say hi to each other in passing and that was the extent of the relationship lol

I LIKE the idea that maybe martin’s (adoptive) dad has recently died by 3e 433 and that he’s toying with the idea of moving back to the farmstead but...hes a farm boy he knows EXACTLY what a pain in the ass it is lol, LET ALONE by himself...but then he and orph run into one another by chance and

NO OK I KNOW WHATS GONNA HAPPEN. I KNOW WHATS GONNA HAPPEN. So in canon orph is in jail because after a decade he got busted for skipping out on legion service right? And if not for the Shit Going Down he would have just stayed in there right? BUT HIS SISTER NENELDI IS A DARK BROTHERHOOD SPEAKER!!! AND A GOOD ONE AT THAT!! (She taught lucien that invisibility spell soooo) It would be literally the easiest thing for her to break in and bust him out. so thats what happens. thats how she and orph reunite after 22 years. lmfao and then she fucks off again

and just like he did when he first left the legion & didnt wanna face his father, orph drifts back to kvatch where he runs into a familiar face. BOOM.

so let me actually get into the “domestic headcanons” part of things

way back when i first drafted martin & orphs relationship my thinking was that orph is an all-colovian farm boy meanwhile martin has spent a lot of time trying to escape his roots in kvatch only to drift back there in the end, but i actually think it’s the opposite

because orph spent most of his younger years in uriel’s court as the son of the eternal champion, they only moved to anvil when he was 14 and he absolutely HATED the work

meanwhile martin was raised doing it and he’s kind of bored by it but he’s like not grossed out by shoveling manure or killing a chicken or whatever

Orph DESPISES it at first and martin teases him mercilessly for not having like the most basic working knowledge of how to live off ones own land but its like...good natured..mostly

theyre both big readers but martin likes big encyclopedic volumes with tiny print (even though hes dyslexic so they...take him a while to slog through) whereas orph leaves these shitty penny dreadful adventure/romance novels scattered everywhere

theres a series hes very fond of, about the adventures of a colovian man named casim concori. the series is written by a woman in hammerfell who very clearly has never set foot in cyrodiil nor talked to a colovian, but he loves them all the same (he even took the main character’s name when he was hiding from the imperial guard; he knew he was safe because he was probably the only person in cyrodiil who read those books)

Idk if glasses are a thing in tamriel but they are now cus this next one is too good: seeing as the world just fucking has it out for him, despite martin having spent WAY MORE time bent over books with WAY SMALLER print, orph is the first one to need reading glasses, when hes like 45. when he first starts to have trouble focusing on words his first thought is like “martin can never know. i will never live this down.”

martin finds out anyway ofc and he’s very sweet about it (most of the time. other times he’ll pretend to squint at his reading and go “SWEET DIVINES THIS PRINT IS SMALL. THANK GOODNESS I STILL HAVE MY PERFECT EYESIGHT”) 

orpheus has a natural green thumb. like he sucks at a lot of things (eg: languages, music (ha), magic, running, sneaking, potionmaking, etc etc) but as he finds out, he has a natural way with flowers. which is like the one nature-related thing martin stinks at

martin tries really hard tho and one season he manages to get a whole patch of cyclamens blooming especially for orph (who cries)

OH YEAH I WAS GONNA TALK ABOUT GEMILE WASNT I

so once talin lets her know that like “holy shit gem you know that son you havent seen in 46 years i think he’s in love with mine” and she and talin come to visit the orim farmstead (which orph & mart have turned into a very pleasant little plot!) and she sees his Eyes and she Knows 

All things considered this might be the happiest ending for gem because she can see her son again and theres no fuckery going with uriel that she needs to worry about anymore and martin doesnt have to become emperor 

basically gem moves back to cyrodiil with her big loud dunmer husband, aronil—the village she grew up in no longer exists, but her and j’hani’s trading company still has a branch in cheydinhal, so it’s not hard for her to find a place to stay

she and aronil visit like at least every month and gem always brings nibenese clothes and food and speaks the nibenese dialect of old cyrodilic with martin (who picks it up quickly bc she spoke it so much to him as a baby) and tells him about his family (the vast majority of whom have died or scattered to the wind, but he does at various points meet 1) his vampire uncle tatianus 2) his aunt lavinia, ex-archmage of the mages guild and 3) his grandmother livia, who by this point is pushing 100 and still going strong because who else would lavinia have gotten her magical talent from??)

when they finally get married gem and livia dress him up in a super traditional nibenese outfit (think south india/tamil) and talin, as is colovian tradition, commissions some fancy armor for orph and they look absolutely ridiculous standing next to each other but like in a cute way

thats all i can come up with omg thank you SO MUCH for this ask i had a blast!!!!!!

[lord-wellesbrook-ix]

2021 is gonna be OUR year.

I know this year’s been shit. For everyone. Unless you’re some fucking rolling in it billionaire, but if you’re reading this, please send me a couple million to buy a house and marry my boyfriend.  Anyway yeah, this next year is yours. All of you, reading this. Yes it’ll still in part or maybe even in full be stolen away by lockdowns and corona bullshittery. Yes it’ll still be hard. Yes it’ll still hurt. But it’s yours. You might not make any grand goals or massive accomplishments, but you’ve survived this, and I have too, and if we’ve got this under our belt, then we’ll be able to get through anything next year can throw at us.  This year I finished 6th form, and started university. Except I just didn’t. The friendly neighbourhood plague means I effectively cheated my way to my A-Levels, never doing the exams (that I was set to fail, but the system decided I was on line for As for), I got into the second choice uni I had (after only one application related breakdown when I was told in no uncertain terms I was way too stupid for the place I was applying for). I had to move into a hilariously overpriced flat, with a room the size of the average mouse hole, on the other side of the country, unable to make friends or even really communicate with my flat mates (love the neurotypicals). Never got to meet anyone, had to endure the first term, on my own, in my room, never going out or speaking to anyone in person.  Before that, I went through the gauntlet of losing basically every friend from back home I had, thanks to a hilarious amount of drama that came to a heat after, I shit ye not, 3 years of fucking feuding. I got discarded by my girlfriend at the time, got beaten black and blue by the little scrote that my ex had cheated on my with while my friends sat there and watched. I got rejected by the uni I wanted (as aforementioned), and had a breakdown as my entire self-image having been built around my academic performance kinda collapsed.  I tried to conclude that all the bad feelings were clearly not because of anything I’d done, and for a period, thought I was trans. Of course I never spoke to anyone about it, and just bought dodgy meds off of a cheap website, and only VERY recently stopped them with the help of someone I love very dearly, despite the fucking merry hell they were wreaking on my body. An ex, who depending on how down I’m feeling when you ask me, was either horrendously abusive, mentally, emotionally, physically and sexually, or was the best I ever had and one of the few people who’s ever really understood me, had a baby by some scumfuck, having cheated on her boyfriend to get with (and that prior boyfriend having been acquired while she was still with me, lovely woman really), and for God knows what reason, she decided to come to me to ask for help. And for an even more divinely unknown reason, I gave it. I was lonely and alone in a tiny cupboard, and she was a sense of familiarity, no matter what baggage was there, and well, a baby’s a baby, and I don’t have it in me not to offer help for one, no matter whose it is.  And then the coup de grace in all of this. I got the coof, just before moving out,  not thanks to going out, because god knows I never did, but rather by grace of my parents being medics and having brought it back. I had a wonderful time in hospital, really deciding that my lungs would serve so much better as a nice cravat. BUT, it’d be then that something bizarre, something strange, and something beautiful happened. For months prior, I’d become friends again with an old online friend that I’d fallen out of touch with primarily because kik as a messenger fucking died. We’d had an attempt at LDR when we were younger and it didn’t work, I was too needy, yet too bad at communicating to get that across. So, we’d been talking for months, doing some funny rp stuff, some shipping, just being mates. As mentioned in a prior post, oc x canon ships got me a boyfriend.  While I was there, on that bed, dying a death, he decides, and I quote (from a conversation we only had recently) “ah he can’t run away, good, now I’ll tell him”. He confesses. He says he’d been getting feelings for me again. God only knows why, there’s not much here to develop them for, but I’m not about to look a gift horse in the mouth now. Then however, then I was. I didn’t reject him, I didn’t know what to do at all with that information. If I remember correctly, my exact reaction was something like “Oh, uh, cool” or “that’s great” or something like that. We kept talking, he assumed I was all on board, I assumed he knew I was taking time to process. But, over the weeks and months that followed, well...I fell for him too. Despite the distance. Despite my own absolute terror with regards to emotional intimacy. He never stopped caring, so by god I was gonna be as good to him as he was to me. Frankly without him I would not have made it through this year, and I really hope he knows that.  I got through all this shit. You did too, not the exact same, but something similar. Everyone’s suffered this year. Everyone’s been hurt. Next year is going to be better. I know all the memes paint it like it’s gonna just get worse, but it won’t. You’re going to be fine, and better than that, you’re going to be happy.  I, for one, have plans for the summer, that if the borders are open enough to get away with it, I’m going to fly out to the states, be with him for a few weeks, and I know those weeks are gonna be some of the best of my life. Then in september, again, borders providing, I start my 2 years abroad with school, flying out to Japan for a year, and then from there, the year after, to Taiwan.  You’ll have things too. They might not be big plans like burning all your money on plane tickets, they might be simple little things, going to see family, or friends. Spending time outside, finally reading that book, or watching that show, or doing that thing you always wanted to do. We’ve got a duty, all of us. This year gave us all hell, it kept on wailing on us from January and never stopped, and we all rolled with the punches, we’re the ones who made it through. Next year’s a new round. You can’t fight circumstance with anger, or with hate, or any of that. Getting mad about all the stuff that happens is natural, and it’s expected, and it’s ok, but it won’t do anything. No, the way we win is by making next year a good one, by being happy, by having good times, and by god damn enjoying ourselves, if not for our own good, then out of sheer spite for an uncaring world.  Be good to each other. Love each other. Stick up for each other, and we’ll all make it through this, I promise you.