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lovelivingmydreams · 3 years

Text

A story by heroes and villains

Janus Bullard: Drift away

When you don't let people close, they tend to drift away. Janus seems to struggle to understand that.

Masterlist

When sophomore year started, Janus had few comforts in their lives. One, Virgil and uncle Lo and their parents. Their constant pillars of support and comfort. And two, they were really good at languages. Which boosted their confidence quite a bit. They breezed through the curriculum for Spanish of last year and studied the rest of the material in their free time, because learning it was fun to them. They already knew French, and by the time finals rolled around they got to take a special test that had effectively gotten them a free period where their language elective should be for the rest of high school. The school prided themselves on adjusting the curriculum to the level of the students. And the best performing students even got to go on a weeklong trip after finals were over. The rest of the school had showcase week. Which meant that all the clubs and electives got to show off their stuff. Janus was not particularly interested in the showcase. He didn’t participate in anything and he knew no one who would be showing anything. So he chose to go on the trip. Virgil didn’t come along despite qualifying. He didn’t want to leave his dad by himself for that long. It was very sweet really. Janus would have argued against it, but it occurred to them that maybe if they were away from Virgil for a bit, then the feelings would calm down and they could just come out and get back to normal without Virgil having to learn that they ever were attracted to him in the first place. It didn’t work. They missed Virgil a lot, to start with. Missing makes the heart grow fonder indeed. It really drove home for him how much he couldn’t stand to lose his friend. On top of that the guys that were with them on the trip were… not the best company to keep. It all started out well. Virgil had made him a special shirt to congratulate him with passing his advanced Language exams. It was a black shirt with a yellow print. A minimalistic open snake mouth on their chest with ‘hiss hiss’ above it. Scales scattered along the left side to match their marks. They loved it. It was a reference to Remus’ old nickname for them. ‘Snakeface’. From anyone else it would have been an insult. But Remus meant it as a complement. Their travel companions, from schools all over the city thought it looked bad ass. It was a great ice breaker if nothing else when they wore it on the first day. That didn’t last long though. On the second night they were talking with the other guys in the boys dormitory. One mentioned a cousin of theirs came out not too long ago. “And his folks actually let him stay. My parents cut ties right away. Can’t believe I used to play ball with a twink.” Janus just barely managed to hide how the word hit them. The other guys agreed and, as much as they hated it, so did they. To say that that was the last time they were confronted with the fact that if these guys were to get to know the real them, they’d make their week hell, would be a lie. And as they heard slurs and jokes about the LGBTQ+ community tossed around as if it was nothing, they started to wonder. Would their parents be okay with it? They thought they would. They’d never seemed to be against the community. They recalled hearing their mother gush about the cute pride stuff they’d spotted in the mall a few times. But accepting that other people were queer and accepting that their son was sometimes more like a daughter and also gay and aromantic… That was something entirely different. And Virgil? Saying you don’t care and actually having to live with the knowledge that your best friend was… broken… What kind of freak were they even that they couldn’t pick a gender? Why couldn’t they fall in love like normal teens? Virgil’d had plenty of crushes already. He’d admitted he hadn’t even told them about all of them! So clearly it wasn’t that hard. Except for them. Because they had to be messed up in every way possible. The way they looked, the way they felt, what they were… When they got home Virgil was at their bedroom door almost within ten minutes of them putting their bag down. “You’re back!” he grinned, excited to see them again. “Tell me everything! Was it worth it letting me die of boredom?” he teased, throwing an arm over their shoulder in a sort of sideways hug. Janus flinched away from Virgil’s proximity. Being close to him made them want to be closer. But still not in the way Virgil might understand. If they just kept him on arm’s length, then things would be ok… Right? Virgil let them go. It didn’t look like he found it odd that Janus wanted distance. Janus tried to remember last time he’d initiated a hug or anything of the sort… With anyone… Maybe they had been a little more distant lately as it was. Good, then it wouldn’t be too obvious if they pushed a little more. They had to. To protect Virgil, to keep him in their life. No one could know. They couldn’t risk it. “It was cool. Saw lots of awesome stuff. The guys were dumb though. Guess no one can replace you,” they smiled carefully. “Aw, J. You’re such a sap,” Virgil teased with a playful punch to the arm. Was that bad? Did straight guys say stuff like that to their friends? Were they being obvious? “Shut up,” he retorted with a push. Not mean. Just playful. That was still okay right? “Movie night?” Virgil suggested, holding up his bag with his part of their collection. Janus hesitated. They needed time. “I’m beat. Maybe some other time,” they shrugged. Virgil nodded. “Okay. See you later J!” And just like that Virgil was out the door. They let themselves fall onto their bed. They had to figure themselves out. Again. Summer passed and Janus found a system that worked for them. It wasn’t great, but it would have to do. They had bought a few cute tops they enjoyed on Janice days. So they wore those when they were needed underneath a baggy hoodie or something else that would hide it. If there was a chance of them needing to take off said ‘cover item’ they’d wear a shirt that was too big like the band shirt. In addition they made sure to act plenty masculine on those days. They hated that part the most. But it was needed. When it came to Virgil, since their problem was just physical all they had to do was make sure they weren’t too close. Which was easier said and done. Hugs and pats on the back and the like used to reassure them so much and now they were a risk. Even if they never acted on the thoughts when they appeared, Virgil might notice. So they had a plan. Not the best plan. But to keep Virgil with them. To keep them both safe. They would do it. First day of school came around and Janice found themself alone at the bus stop. Which was odd. Virgil wasn’t usually late… Maybe he accidently took a bus too early again. Was that going to be a first day tradition? Janice couldn’t be too upset by that. It was just so typically Virgil, and they already looked forward to teasing him about it later. What wasn’t typically Virgil however was him not texting Janice to let them know his mix up. Maybe he hadn’t realized he was early yet? Janice wondered if they should ask Virgil where he was… Better not. They’d see Virgil soon enough. And he’d probably feel bad if they made too big a deal out of it. Again, typical for Virgil, making everything his fault or responsibility somehow. When they got to school though, Virgil was nowhere to be found. He wasn’t in their homeroom either. Which Janice wouldn’t have found too odd. There was always a chance of homeroom getting switched around. But then the teacher handed them two schedules. One for themself and one for Virgil. Virgil was late? Was he sick? Janice looked at the schedules. They shared their first two classes and then they had language electives. Which meant Janice would have a free period while Virgil should be in Spanish. They promised themself to call if Virgil hadn’t shown up by then. Two hours late was a reasonable time to get worried right? They checked their phone as they walked to science class and took a seat. Virgil hadn’t texted at all. Was he ill? Should they text anyway? “Mr. Johnson. You may take a seat next to Mr. Bullard. Class will commence soon.” Janice, mentally cringing at the male honorific, glanced at the kid that just entered. Ugh, they remembered him. He’d had a locker not too far from his last year. He always got in their way, the amount of times he’d bumped into them was infuriating. And now he was about to take Virgil’s seat. But not if they could help it. “Ma’am, I was actually saving this seat for…” “No one. This is my class and I say Mr. Johnson sits next to you.” Janice was taken aback. Most teachers at least heard them out if he asked something. And in almost every case he got what he needed even if he didn’t always get what he wanted. This one didn’t even want to listen though. They glared at the boy… Carlton, if they remembered correctly, as he took the seat next to them. The boy shrunk away, he was trembling… Janice supposed they had been pretty rude to him last year. Not that they cared. It just would make being desk mates very annoying. Janice didn’t waste time on wanting others to like them.

“It’s your lucky day Mr. Castile,” the teacher said dryly the second the bell rang. No… Janice looked up, there he was. The school’s golden boy. He looked slightly out of breath, and smiled sheepishly. “Apologies miss,” he replied as he looked around, probably looking for an empty seat. For a moment his eyes found Janice and he was clearly about as happy as they were with Janice being here on the seat right behind the only empty bench. Janice had an extra reason to be upset though. Castile would be sitting next to Virgil. He took the seat next to the window, right in front of Janice. Janice’s thoughts were racing. How were they supposed to function with that idiot around? They hadn’t had to interact with him too often last year. And when they did Janice had made sure he knew that they saw right through the knight in shining armor act he put up for the rest of the school. He only acted like that to impress their classmates. He was in theatre. He lived for the praise. “I hope you like where you are sitting… Ah, so glad you could join us Mr. Anker.” Janice tensed up when they saw the way Castile’s head snapped up, a bright smile on their face. It was such a genuine reaction… Why though? He had enough friends. Why was Virgil so important that he seemed genuinely happy to see him? “Take your seat and spare me your excuses,” the teacher snapped when Virgil opened his mouth to speak. “I was just telling the class that these are your seats for the rest of the year. So I hope you like your neighbor, they are your new lab partner.” Virgil’s face fell and he looked around. His make up was gone and he looked a mess, but other than that he seemed fine. Janice would have to ask him what had happened this morning later. To their annoyance, Virgil’s gaze didn’t even make it to their seat. Once he spotted the empty seat next to Castile, he too, lit up. Why? What did Castile have that was so special? Other than a pretty face? They watched Castile wave at Virgil, getting rewarded with a smile from their best friend.

“Man, talk about a lucky break,” Virgil said as he sat down. That hurt. Didn’t he want to sit with them? They tried to calm themselves. Virgil had simply not noticed them. He wouldn’t have said that if he knew they were in this class too. “I agree,” Castile grinned. That smug piece of… He knew they were here. He was taunting them! Class started, and Janice managed to ignore the pair in front of them. They even calmed down. Found themselves a little amused at their neighbor’s not so subtle glances at the desk in front of them. They’d spotted the pride flag stitched in their assigned lab partner’s pencil case. Maybe they should lay off a little. Poor kid had a crush on Roman Castile. He had enough to deal with. But then the experiment started. They divided the work so Johnson wouldn’t have to talk with them too much. they did their best to focus on their part of the assignment. But it proved difficult. Virgil and Roman were doing every step together and they were having fun. They talked and joked with familiarity that told Janice that somehow, Castile had managed to weasel his way into Virgil’s life, despite their efforts to chase him away. Sure they’d overheard from conversations in the hallways that Virgil was still standing up to bullies and that the Hispanic teen had joined him on occasion. But had that really been all it took? Suddenly Virgil got up, bringing a paper to the front. Damn, they had to focus. They managed to block out their surroundings for a good while. Until Virgil’s laugh pulled them out. He was looking very comfortable, sitting there with the enemy.

“Only you can pull of talking like a Shakespeare character,” Virgil grinned. “Well, only you can pull off dressing like a dark knight and still looking like a lost kitten,” Castile shot back. Janice tensed. How dare he ridicule their best friend like that? Virgil gave Roman a shove. “You take that back!” he demanded “I am dark and mysterious and intimidating!” Janice had to interfere, before Virgil got himself in trouble. they took an empty page from their notebook, crushed it in their fist and tossed it against Castile’s head. Both boys turned to look at them. Their attention was on Castile though. “What gives Bullard?” he hissed. No, it wasn’t attractive when he got that serious and intense look in his eyes. He was annoying and a danger. He was going to hurt Virgil. Or take him away and then hurt him. “You take Smellington next time. Virgil is sitting with me.” It was a good solution. Castile would be unable to resist being a knight in shining armor, so Janice acted as if they were the big bad Johnson had to be saved from. Carlton got to sit next to his crush, and Janice and Virgil could sit together. Like they should have been. Everyone happy. “Excuse me? His name is Carlton.” Just as Janice suspected. There was the hero complex. “And you don’t get to say where I sit J. I’m fine sitting with Roman. Besides you heard the teacher. No switching seats.” That… What? Virgil wanted to sit there? And he was offended that Janice tried to help? “We always sit together!” they reminded him. They were a team right? Them against the world? They’d have each other’s back no matter what… Right? Virgil’s jaw set. “Exactly. The world won’t end because I’m Roman’s lab partner J.” Where was all this coming from? What had Castile been poisoning his mind with? “Am I interrupting?” Janice looked up to the teacher. She still didn’t look like she was in the mood to listen to Janice. But they had to try. “Mr. Bullard,” once again, that stung. “I don’t have you and Mr. Jonson’s assignment yet, which means you can’t be talking with anyone else besides each other right now.” Oh, she really wasn’t in the mood to listen. Against better judgement, Janice gave her their most charming smile. If they knew that they were being perfectly reasonable, people usually followed along with their way of thinking. “Ma’am, I can’t work with him. Virgil and I never had a problem in projects, can’t we…” “No.” Janice nearly flinched at the finality of that word. But the teacher wasn’t done yet. “I put Mr. Jonson next to you because you are much too dependent on Mr. Anker’s presence.” She’d done it on purpose? And dependent? What did she mean? They weren’t that… Had it been so obvious to outsiders? Did she know? “You won’t always be able to hide behind him Mr. Bullard. You better learn that now.” They hadn’t! They’d stopped hiding in middle school. They’d been trying to be the shield! “And if I see any more problems here then all that’ll change is that Mr. Castile and Mr. Anker will be moved to the front of the class so you can’t distract them anymore. Is that understood?” She had it all wrong. She didn’t understand. But Janice knew they couldn’t do anything about it. So they nodded and returned their attention to their assignment.

They finished up the last of their notes when Virgil laughed again. “Charming huh? You certainly have a high opinion of yourself.” Janice’s jaw clenched. They agreed, but Virgil’s tone was too playful. Like it was when he was teasing them. “Oh, my knight, why must you hurt me so?” Castile objected dramatically. Janice did their best to block out the rest of the conversation and focus on finishing the assignment with Johnson. Whatever was said between Castile and Virgil after that, it had him pretty excited.

He dragged Janice to the bathroom where he started to apply foundation and a two second version of his usual eyeshadow. “Where were you?” Janice asked on their way there. Virgil bit his lip. “Dad was home late yesterday and forgot to tell me…” he told them. Oh, now Janice understood. Virgil was the kind of guy who saw you fall and worried if you’d broken something while rushing you to the nurse no matter what you said. He worried a lot. He was a lot like uncle Lo in that way. His father not being his punctual self without warning must’ve been very stressful. “And you didn’t go to bed until you were sure he was safe and sound,” Janice nodded in understanding. “Yeah… I must’ve forgotten to set my alarm or something.” At this point they’d arrived in the bathroom and Virgil took out his foundation and started fixing up his appearance. Needlessly in Janice’s opinion, but they had bigger things to worry about.

“Listen, I’m sorry for being so snappy earlier. I know you worry about me and stuff but Roman is really not as bad as you think. He even invited us to sit with him and his friends during lunch!” he announced excitedly as he put away his make-up. “Then you'll see for yourself…” Lunch with Roman Castile and all his friends? All people who could discover their secrets? One slip up on a Janice day, one lingering look towards Virgil or Castile and they were out.

And being around not one, but two guys they found attractive… they couldn't bear it.

“Absolutely not!” they objected in a panic. “Jan, it’s just lunch,” Virgil argued gently. “If it’s not fun then we can bail on them any time. You are the one who’s so obsessed with our spot on the social ladder. What do we have to lose?” He made good points. And part of Janice wanted the protection a group like that offered. But Virgil didn't have the full picture. Janice cast their eyes to the heavens trying to hide the conflict within, to play off how worried and scared they felt. “I don’t expect you to understand this Virgil. But the offer wasn’t for us. Castile wants something from you. And he’ll have his friends be nice to me around you to get it.”

Virgil was clearly not impressed. “I know I’m not exactly mister sunshine, but that’s overly dramatic and pessimistic. Roman is cool. Like, genuinely. And if you gave him a chance…” “Oh please Virgil! You are not this naïve!” Janice exclaimed. Harsh in their desperation to finish the conversation.

“Why do you want his friendship so badly that you blind yourself like this?” Weren't they enough? What did they do wrong? “He can have anything from anyone he wants! Why would he want to be around some awkward outcasts?” Why did he insist on pursuing the only person Janus cared about at school? “Except to make himself look good? What end does that serve? Everything anyone ever does serves some selfish end Virgil. Even the most noble of deeds are ultimately out of desire to be seen as good.” Just because Janus hadn’t figured out what Roman Castile had to gain from talking to them, didn’t mean that there wasn’t some end goal. “Except for you of course, you only have my best interest at heart!?” Virgil’s statement caught them of guard. He had a point. Part of this was their fear of being alone, being found out and rejected. But it was also for Virgil's own good. They needed Virgil to understand that. To believe them. And so they did something they had been avoiding. They got close. Stepped right into Virgil's personal space. If they wanted, and Virgil hadn’t hidden them behind his foundation, they could’ve counted the freckles on Virgil’s cheeks. But now was no time for those observations. They had to get through to him. No matter what. “You are my only friend Virgil. Of course I want to protect you, even from yourself. Don’t let Roman’s flowery words and cute pet names get to you.” Kitten, knight. The nerve of that guy. “I give him a week before he gets bored of you. And I don’t want to see you hurt by that.” That last part was the most sincere he'd been about how he felt towards Virgil in what felt like forever.

All fight left Virgil’s frame and he nodded. Janice relaxed and led the way to their first CPR training. They made sure to wait for Virgil when he left Spanish. Virgil was quiet all day. He got like that sometimes after a disagreement. Janice tried to give him space. They had been a little harsh. And after Virgil had a rough night already. They knew he needed comfort and support on those days. No wonder he’d gravitated towards Castile this morning. All that positive energy probably drew Virgil in like a moth to a flame. Janice should have been more understanding. Maybe they could have a movie night next weekend. With V's favorite snacks and movies.

They’d make it up to him. And then they could get back to something somewhat normal.

It worked. Virgil seemed in better spirits after they suggested the weekend plans. Janus paid closer attention and ensured that Virgil wouldn't fall for Castile's tricks though.

They stuck together like always. Janus had started chatting with native Spanish speakers, learning more regional words and slang. They were also learning ASL. Virgil laughed when they explained the name signs they made up for him, uncle Lo and their parents.

Things were going well. Until Halloween came around. Virgil loved Halloween. He didn’t show it off at school, considering he put the least possible effort in his school costume the past two years, but when at home, he was a master. Janus had enjoyed watching him and uncle Lo dazzle the trick or treaters. They’d considered asking Virgil to give them a spook up as well, but that would mean close proximity for extended periods of time. And they couldn’t handle that. This year Janus had drawn some scales on their face and assembled a dragon costume. They’d even gotten crafty with the wings. Using a pair of children’s fairy wings as a base. Virgil had complemented them, which had made them feel pretty good about themselves. Virgil was texting with his dad that morning. Apparently he had a thing coming up that weekend and was rather nervous. Janus was happy to hear that their honorary uncle had exciting things happen in his life. They didn’t pry for more information though. Surely Virgil would’ve shared more if there was more to know. And then Castile had walked in. Looking ridiculously handsome even if he was trying to look like a crazed dark prince. Redish circles under his eyes, run out make up. As if he’d recently cried a river. His costume was dark and slightly torn and crumpled. And still he looked good. He made a big show of his entrance and made a tour around the classroom before climbing on his desk and continuing his tale of conquest. Janus, not immune to the boy’s massive charisma, made sure to glare at him so that if the prince would happen to glance their direction he wouldn’t give anything away. Glaring at the dark prince wasn’t hard, considering he also had his neighbor’s attention. Virgil was enjoying the show.

And apparently Castile noticed. He made a grand gesture towards Virgil. “And you, my coldhearted friend, may rule at my side!” Janus’ eyes narrowed. Was this the thing? Was Roman looking for a second in command? It was a good picture they supposed. The nickname ‘Knight’ suddenly made a lot of sense. It would fit. They both stood against the bullies, no doubt earning them both a good image in the public eye. If they were considered a team all the time, Roman’s spot on the social ladder would get even more secure. Was that it? “Is that a fact?” Virgil chuckled, pulling Janus out of his thoughts. Was he… Was he seriously going along with it? “Of course!” Janus hated how excited Castile seemed. “You, dear count, are the only other of noble lineage! No one else is worthy of a throne!” “But ruling sounds like a lot of work,” Virgil whined. Janus held their breath… But the laughter that followed… Wasn’t bad. Castile immediately rolled with Virgil’s contribution. “Then you may feast on my enemies!” To Janus’ great relief, the teacher entered in that moment. Their nerves couldn’t take much more than that. On the way to CPR Janus tried to get Virgil back with his feet on the ground. “You were lucky, but that could have gone so wrong!” they exclaimed. Virgil, surprised them however. “Roman and I are lab partners, and we’re going to talk,” Virgil reminded them. They knew that. But they got on fine with minimal communication with their neighbor. And Virgil had been doing fine too… Or… Well, maybe he hadn’t been happy about it… “And sometimes we’re going to have fun doing so. You have zero right to tell me who I can and can’t spend time with. I’m not your pet.” That hit Janus hard… Was that… Had they been acting that badly? Maybe they’d been too clingy. Overcompensating for the physical distance they’d forced themselves to maintain? They let Virgil walk to Spanish alone and spent their free hour thinking things through. Maybe they were a tad controlling… And Virgil talking to Castile a little during science might not be the end of the world… They could try to live with that right? When they saw Castile drag Virgil to his table during lunch they could barely breathe. Virgil looked so happy about it too. Had they been too late to make adjustments? Was this their life now? The very nightmare they’d tried to prevent? But then, Virgil and Roman made a bow and Virgil walked back to Janus. People watched him walk by the way Janus had seen them do with popular kids. They admired him? Was… Had Virgil become a popular kid without either of them realizing? “Talk about putting yourself on blast! What were you thinking?” they snapped, still reeling with emotions. “Yolo,” Virgil shrugged. And ‘cool’ was the only term Janus could come up with to describe the way he held himself right now. “No one says that anymore,” Janus pointed out, as if to convince themself that Virgil wasn’t that kind of cool. “It’s what I was thinking.” Or maybe he was… Janus tried not to bother Virgil about who he chose to hang out with after that day. It wasn’t easy though. Virgil and Castile were almost flirty with each other and Janus found that very distracting. Add that to everything else that frustrated them and you better hope you didn’t cross Janus on a Janice day after a bad night. They picked a lot of fights. Partly to prove themselves as a cis. Partly to vent these frustrations on something other than Castile. Speaking off. It was nearly always him or Virgil or both who stopped the fight. Roman would stare them down until they left. Virgil would tell them off and drag them away if need be. Both were… possibly… another reason why they picked a fight. Negative attention was still attention after all. On a particular bad day, a senior decided to pick on them. And they were not having it.

Castile and Virgil put a stop to that one. But the principal called them to their office anyway. “He started it,” Janice insisted. They were sitting in the office for a couple of minutes now, with the Principal just looking at them expectantly. “Oh? How’s that?” Janice gestured to their face. They’d gotten good at ignoring the jabs the past few years. Knowing that they couldn’t do anything against an upper classman and having bigger things to worry about. But today… Today it had just been too much. “It’s not the first time you got into a fight Janus. We want to help. But you have to let us. What is bothering you? Really. Why are you so angry?”

Oh, where to start? Janice just shrugged, not comfortable opening that can of worms in front of this adult. They wouldn’t understand. Janus heard they’d been vocal about their sexuality and gender since middle school. All they would do was tell them to just come out already. The principal sighed. “We’ll have to inform your parents of this Janus…” “No you don’t,” Janice stated. He wasn’t even scared. Stokes was a reasonable person. “Why’s that?” They wondered. “I didn’t hit him. And he didn’t hit me. No one got hurt. What’s the point of calling my parents? My grades are good, I never skip. So I don’t let people walk over me… Is that so bad?” they explained. Stokes frowned, but then relaxed. “Fine. But at least consider going to the school counselor. At least once. There are systems here to help you. You just have to ask.” Yeah, they’d get right on that. “Tanks Mx. Stokes,” they muttered as they left. A few weeks later Janus was looking over elective courses with Virgil. Janus had been careful about selecting courses for them. They could pick two courses each year. One every semester. First year, Virgil had made a deep dive into some articles about how messed up the education system was and how useless the curriculum was. So Janus suggested Personal Finances and Home economics. Which was basically the: ‘how to adult’ elective packet. This year they’d picked CPR, which Virgil had enjoyed a lot and Philosophy. They’d suggested it out of personal interest. They’d known it might not be Virgil’s cup of tea, but to their pleasant surprise Virgil had agreed. “Sociology would be a good choice,” Janus suggested, testing the waters. They really hoped Virgil would be okay with it. It seemed very interesting. Virgil only made a vague sound of acknowledgement though. Well, there were other interesting subjects… “I was thinking to take an art elective,” he told Janus after a few moments. Janus was surprised. Virgil never cared about electives before. And art? “Why?” “Because I’d like to actually learn some techniques? I dunno. They say to pick something that fits our interests. I’m interested in art.” Janus had no idea where the annoyed tone came from. Sure Virgil drew and he was good. But… To make it your elective? Virgil knew that those choices would affect their chances at getting accepted into college right? Especially for the next two years. “But we can’t do anything with that in college,” they reminded him, just in case. “I suppose it’s a decent extracurricular,” they admitted, wanting to find a compromise. But saying that reminded them. They should probably pick some good ones for the next two years as well. They looked good on application forms.

“But…” Virgil objected interrupting Janus’ musings on the pro and cons of joining a sports team. “I really want to do art. The new teacher is a pretty awesome artist I’ve been kind of following for a while. This might be my only chance to learn from him.” The arts program was heavily volunteer based, which allowed the school to offer many different electives and even more extracurricular. The teachers largely donated their time and switched around semester to semester. If this artist was indeed someone of note, they might be gone after Christmas. So on some level Janus understood. But why would Virgil need to spend a perfectly good elective on something he was already good at? He could probably teach the class himself. “Don’t be dramatic V. It’s not like you can make a career out of drawings,” they pointed out dismissively. Maybe they were a little crass. But Virgil couldn’t afford to live in a fantasy. Art was personal and showing it gave other people a weapon against you. And Janus really felt they should start picking electives based more on what they wanted their career to be. Janus was thinking journalist or lawyer for themselves. They weren’t sure what Virgil would pick. Last time they’d talked about such things was… Back when they still thought they were cis and straight. And they’d been joking about going into hero business. Daydreaming about opening a specialized store or becoming heroes themselves. But maybe Virgil would be a lawyer too. He’d probably like defending the little guy in the courtroom. He was already doing that in the hallways. Or some other function in law enforcement. Janus couldn’t imagine Virgil not trying to make the world a better place. “It makes me happy,” Virgil pointed out, though barely audible. Good, he was realizing there was no point to that class. “A career isn’t about what makes you happy, it’s about what gets you ahead in life.” And with that, Janus returned their attention to the electives. Not aware of the mistake they’d just made.

Mistakes

@cirishere @hestianerd1 @moonlightshow00 @naturallyunstablegamer @alias290 @meowthefluffy @frida0043 @angelic-cali @selenechris @theblackveilinreverse

#sanders sides #ts sides #janus sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #background prinxiety #tw homofobia #tw seldepriciation #tw internalized homofobia #janus makes bad choices #angsty

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ethelphantom · 5 years

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Crimson as a Rose, chapter 2

Hello again, I have now finished the second (and for now, the last) chapter of this thing that somehow went from like 600 words to over one thousand while editing. Oh well. I hope you like it. It’s a little happier than the previous one I swear.

Also, like said, this is the last chapter for now, which means that if either I get inspired to write more or you guys suggest what to write, I’ll do more of it. Maybe something from Mari’s POV.... Hmmmh... So like yes you can most definitely send me any ideas you may have either through asks or then messages.

Oh yeah and thank you so much for the awesome reception this got both here and on Ao3 like???? I’m crying here ok??? You guys are so sweet. Like, over 100 notes in a little over 24 hours and like 11 new followers is so weird and amazing but I’m grateful for each one <3

This is Maribat, ship being Jasonette. Don’t like, don’t read.

On Ao3 || Chapter 1 || Part 2 || Part 3

Years later, someone knocked on the door of their shared apartment. He had moved in with Marinette a few years earlier. Both their roses stood proudly on the table in a vase, always together. Jason’s rose had long come together even if it was still missing a few petals — but that was fine. So was hers. They survived together.

“Are you expecting someone, Sunshine?”, Jason called to the kitchen where Marinette was baking something yet again. While it was completely normal for her to randomly start craving things and just straight up go bake them at any time of the day, today it had been a little more than strange. Marinette had literally shot up all of a sudden and ran to the kitchen to bake accompanied by a few carefully selected curse words and a frantic and irritated “mon dieu”. Inviting guests and then proceeding to forget about it would get that reaction out of her, definitely.

“Oh yeah. Could you please open the door for me, Jay?”

“Anything for you, my sun", he replied with a smile on his face.

A tall man with dark hair and black sunglasses stood in the doorway, looking like he wasn’t sure whether he was in the right place at all.

“Is this the house of Marinette Dupain-Cheng-Todd?”, the man asked, trying to look behind him, probably to get a glimpse of his wife. His French was accented, and Jason could have almost bet he was from the US as well. It sounded a little too familiar though, so he was quite sure the man was from somewhere near where Jason had once lived.

“Yes, this is her husband”, Jason replied, trying not to snarl at the man.This was Marinette’s guest, it wouldn’t do him good to snap at the stranger. His Sunshine wouldn’t be too happy about it.

“That is wonderful. Could you either let me in or ask your wife to come here? She told me she wanted to talk to me about something important, something concerning one of my children.”

That took Jason by surprise. This man’s children? Could—

No, he trusted Marinette. She would have told him if there was something as big as a child of hers before they got married. She wouldn’t hide such a thing from him.

“Oh, Monsieur Wayne, you’re here! Great to see you’re on time. Come in, Jason can show you where the living room is, I’ll be there soon!”, she said happily and went back to the kitchen.

(Bells started ringing in Jason’s head. The name Wayne sounded way too familiar. Why couldn’t he remember where he knew it?)

Jason took the man to the living room, about to leave when his wife yelled at him to stay there as well. She wanted him with her. That was comforting to know. It reassured him that there was indeed nothing going on behind his back, though he knew Marinette would never do anything to hurt him on purpose. He had simply been hurt too many times, it was natural that he was cautious. It was also okay to be that way as long as he didn’t let it control him.

(Or, that was what Marinette had told him anyway. Multiple times.)

When she returned, she had a platter full of red and black macarons with her. With a sweet smile, she offered both of them macarons before gesturing for them to sit down. She herself sat next to Jason and put a hand on his thigh, stroking it gently with her thumb. Jason pulled her closer to him.

“So, Mrs Dupain-Cheng-Todd—”

“Please, call me Marinette.”

“Marinette, then. You contacted me and told me you know my son that I lost years ago? The one that I thought was dead?”

“Yes.”

And then Jason found the same, mischievous grin he’d gotten to know during the past years on her face. “This here is Jason Todd, my husband. Your son.”

The man gasped and took off his sunglasses. The piercing blue eyes met his, and he finally recognised this man.

Bruce Wayne.

His adoptive father that gave up on him.

And Marinette had brought him into their home.

Jason was ready to stand up and leave, angry at anything and everything he could think of, but Marinette held his hand tightly in hers, not leaving him a chance to go. He could probably get away even then, but there was no way he was risking harming her by doing it. There was absolutely no question about it, so Jason sat back down. She rubbed the back of his hand softly, calming him down a little.

“I think there’s been a misunderstanding — or multiple of them — and I want him to be whole again. If what is needed for that is to mend what was left broken after that , I will do my everything to help that happen.”

“You are truly a kind person, Marinette.” Turning back to Jason, his gaze softened and he smiled. “Jason? Is it really you? You aren’t dead after all? I— I thought I lost you forever.”

“Well, clearly not. Don’t pretend to care now — you didn’t care back then”, he spat, only to receive a glare from his wife.

“Jason, don’t be rude. What have we talked about assuming the worst of people? Your rose is still incomplete. Mine will never mend because my master died, but yours can still be healed. I want you to be happy. I’m sure there have simply been too many grave misunderstandings and a lack of communication on both ends, but those can be corrected if you just talk them out ”, she said in Basque.

It was a language they’d decided to learn in case they needed to talk about anything more private in front of others since there weren’t many who spoke it. Of course she used it in when talking about their roses. She knew how uncomfortable it made him to let others know about the roses and she respected it. When he’d told her the first time, she’d simply nodded and went to find out what language they could learn to be able to talk about them without needing to be afraid of others finding out most of the time.

And she still kept it on in front of his father.

“Fine. I’ll do it for you”, he replied again in French. A smile found its way to his lips as his wife shot a bright smile at him.

“Jason, I swear, I did care. I still do. I would have not come all the way to France if it wasn’t for you, if it wasn’t because I care about you”, Bruce said and swallowed down a lump in his throat before he spoke again. “I was devastated when I found you dead and blamed myself for a long time for it. You were and still are my child, and it was horrible for me to lose you. I’d love to have you back in the family, but I understand if you want nothing to do with us and especially if you never want to come back to Gotham. It would be good enough for me to hear from you every now and then. I’m sorry we made you feel like you couldn’t return to us.”

Jason sighed. He didn’t know what to think of his father. On one hand, he wanted to believe Bruce was telling the truth and meet the family he left behind long ago to build a new one again, but on the other hand he was ready to throw him out of the house and tell him to never speak to him again. That would definitely upset his wife as she had probably had to do quite a lot to convince Bruce Wayne himself to speak to her because she wanted to help him heal completely.

But, even though he was more inclined to go with the second option, he chose to get to know his family again, if only for Marinette.

“Fine. I accept your apology, though I’m not ready to forgive you.”

“That’s alright. I didn’t expect you to be.”

“I’m not doing this for any of you though, I’m doing it only because Marinette put so much effort into organising this, you understand?”

“Of course.”

Bruce smiled at him and Marinette squeezed his hand. Something told him he had made the right choice, albeit the hard and irritating one.

And well. They did solve things. It was slow, because god was there a lot of baggage and so many deep grudges, but after a year or two, Marinette and Jason were waiting on an airport, ready to go to Gotham. Go back to the place Jason had sworn he’d never set even a foot in again.

But he was going with Marinette — who’d promised not to leave his side as long as she had any say in it — to meet his family again, the family that apparently did not give up on him. The family that grieved him for a long time but couldn’t just show it in public. He was the luckiest man in history to have met Marinette and have her fall in love with him. She kept going out of her way for him, to make him happy.

Maybe, just maybe, he’d be alright with this.

The two of them stepped out of the airplane only to be greeted by a huge welcoming committee that was the official Wayne family, as well as most of the honorary Waynes. Jason looked at Marinette, who simply smiled at him and squeezed his hand for encouragement. They would be fine, and most importantly, they would be together.

With their roses in their hands, Jason’s finally missing none of its petals, they walked up to the family that welcomed them with open arms and smiles (mostly, anyway, because they decided not to pay attention to the scowling young man that looked the most like Bruce). To the family that didn’t care they came to meet them only now because they had come anyway.

To their family.

Tags

@18-fandoms-unite-08

#Jasonette #jason todd #marinette dupain cheng #miraculous ladybug #maribat #fanfiction #dc #ml x dc #ml ladybug #ml #batman #jason x marinette

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dauntless-cakeneedstobe-eaton · 4 years

Text

Jeff x Annie One-Shot: AU-What if Jeff and Annie actually went skiing? (Community-Conventions of Space and Time, Season 4, Ep3)

You wouldn’t catch me anywhere near an Inspector Spacetime convention; no matter how many tears Troy cried, or how many staredowns Abed and I had. Skiing on the other hand, was cool. Skiing alone, however, possibly uncool. Therefore, it made perfect, logical sense to invite Annie skiing this weekend. At least that’s what I kept telling myself. Hear me out. Abed and Troy couldn’t even be considered options since they would be at the convention. Britta would obviously be there to support Troy, unfortunately being the third-wheel despite being his girlfriend. Shirley was busy with her kids. Pierce was never an option to begin with. Who was left you may ask? Annie Edison.

“Do I look ready to shred some slopes?” Annie asked, coming out of her room. She was wearing a full-on neon pink sweatsuit. I smiled at her dorky pose.

“Maybe in the early 80s. Annie, what’s with all of the pink?” She frowned at me.

“Look Jeff, I’m just trying to stay warm, ok? I’ve never been skiing before and I wanted to be as comfortable as possible.” Classic defensive Annie. She scanned my look up and down. “At least my color palette has character. Might want to try it sometime Mr. Neutral Colors.” Annie crossed her arms. This was a battle I definitely wasn’t going to win. Like every battle against Annie.

“Okay, how about this. I’ll wear a pair of your neon pink socks, but you wear my black Gucci scarf?” Her eyes lit up. I knew she’d love the idea. Annie rushed back into her room and returned with a pair of neon pink socks in one hand, extending it to me.

“This just might be the smartest idea you’ve ever had Jeff.”

“Hey, I take offense to that. Everything I say is basically a TED talk in the making.” She laughed as I put on her socks. I don’t know why I only do stupid stuff like this for her. I looked at myself in the full body mirror and felt one hundred percent ridiculous. But, seeing her give me that wide smile she always does when something makes her happy made me think that small things like this were all worth it. I took the scarf hanging around my neck and put it on her, making sure that her hair wasn’t tangled inside it. I felt her eyes on me, making my heart beat a little faster than usual.

“There, perfect.” I said looking back into the full body mirror in front of us. She blushed.

“Perfect indeed.” Any bystander may mistake us for an actual couple. Especially with the way we were now coordinating outfits. Especially with the way we were standing right now--my hand on her shoulder, hers around my back. Even if it was just a small thought--a figment of my imagination if you will--it still made me grin...for reasons I still don’t fully understand.

***

When we arrived at the ski lodge, it was teeming with people carrying skis and sleds. It was way more crowded than I thought it would be. Annie instinctively held onto my arm as we were walking over to the ski rental desk, her eyes worriedly scanning the room. I knew she hated large crowds. I reassured her that we would only be in here for a couple of minutes.

There was a guy in front of us in line, along with a few of his friends. They were laughing and smiling, a little too loudly for my opinion. The commotion wasn’t helping Annie’s anxiety. I think the main guy felt me glaring at him because he turned around, his smile fading. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped when he noticed Annie beside me. He looked at her from head to toe, his mouth agape. I felt my hands tense up. He probably noticed how pretty she was.

“Have you guys been to this slope before? My friends and I are regulars here, and I don’t believe I’ve seen you before,” he stopped and looked at Annie. “And trust me, I would’ve remembered.” I felt my jaw clench. Annie--being Annie--blushed and giggled. She wasn’t used to being flirted with--which was something I was secretly grateful for, because something about it didn’t sit well with me. The guy, whose hair by the way looked like it had way too much product in it, extended his hand out to me.

“Aiden.” What a jock.

“Jeff. And this is my friend Annie. It’s our first time skiing together.” He shook my hand with an extra firm grip as if to say just friends? Okay. You said it, not me.

“Well Jeff and Annie, it’s your lucky day because I can give you guys some free skiing lessons so you don’t hurt yourselves out there.” This guy needed to get some more original material. Did he think we were stupid? He obviously just wanted to get closer to--

“We’d love the extra help Aiden. Thanks for offering,” Annie replied, smiling sweetly at him.

“Great! Meet me on the slopes. I’ll cover the tickets. Want a hot chocolate Annie? My treat.” She nodded her head politely while I took her arm and pulled her to the side.

“What do you think you’re doing?” I questioned with what I hoped was only a hint of annoyance.

“Jeff, Aiden was generous enough to offer us help. For free! I don’t want to make a fool of myself out there. I also don’t want to see you get hurt.” She gently touched my chest. Dang it Annie. Why did she have to be so genuinely caring all the time? I knew she meant what she said. I don’t know if I could live with myself if she ended up getting hurt on my behalf.

“You know, if you wanted hot chocolate you could’ve just asked me. You didn’t have to let pretty-boy get it for you.” At this point, I wasn’t really thinking, I was just saying what I was feeling...which normally got me into trouble, but I didn’t care this time. Annie looked at me with a confused expression, but then her eyes softened.

“Don’t worry Jeff. I know I can always count on you.”

“Good because I always want to be there for you. Even for the small things.” We looked at each other intensely and I felt myself leaning in.

“Ready you guys?” Annie and I got snapped back into reality as stupid-smirk Aiden returned with our rental equipment and Annie’s hot chocolate. She took it graciously while Aiden smiled warmly at her. His teeth were way to white. No way that it’s natural.

***

We walked up to one of the smaller slopes. Aiden suggested that since Annie and I were beginners it was probably best we didn’t try one of the more advanced mountains yet. Annie remained between Aiden and I, even in the ski lift up the mountain. She stared out the window with wonder in her eyes. I liked watching her many facial expressions. Her eyes glowed whenever there was a scenic view. Her soft smiles were my favorite. That was Annie’s way of living in the moment. When she got extra excited about something, she would touch my arm and tell me to look out the window too.

“So how do you guys know each other?” Aiden asked skeptically, his eyes pausing at Annie’s hand on my arm and my hand on her knee, which I don’t remember putting there.

“We go to Greendale Community College together. We’re part of the same study group.” Aiden nodded thoughtfully.

“I go to City College actually. I want to go into hospital administration some day.” No. freaking. Way. Annie turned her head towards him, suddenly gaining interest.

“Really? Me too! Well the hospital administration part, not the City College part obviously…” she replied, nervously laughing. Aiden gave her an amused look.

“We should totally meet up again. Maybe you could help me study some time?” My fists automatically balled up into fists once again. Annie looked down, noticing that my hand turned into a fist shape. She covered my fist with one of her hands, which instantly made me feel better.

“Haha yeah maybe! I’ll think about it.” She gave me a concerned look as we got off the ski lift. I had a bad feeling about this ski trip after all.

***

“The most important aspect of skiing is balance. The moment you lose balance is the moment where it’s game over. Believe me, falling downhill is not fun.” Balance. Sounds easy enough. I was able to get into my skis pretty easily and helped Annie get into hers without much of a fuss...except the three times that she almost tripped. Each time she caught on to a part of my jacket.

“The Leaning Tower of Pisa has more balance than I do,” Annie let out a defeated whisper. I tried to hide my slight grin. Her perfectionist tendencies were coming out. I guess it was just a part of who she was, no matter if it was academic related or not.

“Hey, don’t be so hard on yourself. This is literally your first time skiing.”

“Easy for you to say. This is also your first time skiing and you're balancing just fine.”

“Can’t argue with you there.” We both smiled and it felt like the most comfortable thing in the world. Being the iceberg he was, Aiden walked over in between us with--once again--an award winning line of his.

“Before you guys go down this slope, watch me first. You’ll get to see the turning and jumping patterns I do.” He leaned forward and whispered something to Annie, resulting in a laugh before heading towards his ski lane.

“So, what do you think of Aiden? He seems nice right?” Why was she interested in what I thought?

“He seems a bit...arrogant…” I trailed off. Annie gave me a bemused expression, which then turned into a mischievous grin.

“Jeff Winger, are you jealous?”

“Pffffft. Me? Jealous? Are you being serious right now Annie? Why would I be jealous?” She was definitely enjoying seeing me squirm. I hated the fact that not only was she right, but I couldn’t think of any clever retorts because of that fact.

“I honestly don’t know Jeff. I don’t think you have anything to be jealous of--” she started, and I was really curious to hear her continue, but Annie was cut off by a bunch of spectators talking about Aiden on the slopes. I hated to admit it, but Aiden’s skiing looked really impressive. He was--in the words of Annie--shredding the slopes. All of his landings were smooth, his turns were smooth...his whole body was moving in perfect coordination.

“Wow! Aiden’s really good isn’t he? He could honestly be a professional!” Annie’s eyes were glued to him the whole time. I saw her jaw drop whenever Aiden made an impressive landing. Two could play at this game. Before Annie could stop me, I disappeared behind her and marched up to the top of the same slope Aiden was on. I had excellent balance too, you know. This skiing thing would be a piece of cake. As I jumped to start my descent, I realized that there was no going back after this.

***

I couldn’t open my eyes. I couldn’t move a single muscle. But I did feel this intense throbbing in my head and pretty much everywhere. Where am I? What happened? I was definitely lying down somewhere...it felt like a couch. I summoned the courage to slowly open my eyes. Everything was blurry at first as my eyes attempted to adjust to my surroundings. Man, even opening them hurt. The first thing I saw were a pair of blue eyes I could recognize anywhere in a crowd.

“Oh my god. Jeff, you’re awake! Oh my god. Thank goodness,” Annie breathed a huge sigh of relief and collapsed her face on the side of the couch. It took me a second to realize that she was holding my hand. I felt it. I gave it a gentle, reassuring squeeze.

“Did I ever tell you how blue your eyes are?” In hindsight, that was probably not the smartest thing to say, but it was an honest question.

“I just watched you practically fall and flip over a huge mountain and lose consciousness and you want to talk about my eyes????” Annie raised both of her eyebrows in complete anger.

She immediately winced after yelling. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you, especially right now when every bone in your body must hurt. It’s just that you made me so worried and when I saw you at the bottom of the mountain all limp and bleeding I didn’t…” She couldn’t continue because she started doing the last thing that would have ever crossed my mind. She started crying. Hearing the sound of Annie crying almost hurt more than my actual injuries.

“Hey, look at me.” She turned her head upwards at me and I lifted my hand to wipe the tears from her face. “I’m sorry for all the trouble I caused you.” She finally smiled.

“Jeff, why would you willingly plummet to your almost death? I know you do a lot of stupid things, but this may the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen you do.” She was absolutely right. Like always.

“I just...felt the need to compete with Aiden. I wanted to show you that he wasn’t some hot-shot handsome guy that could do anything.” Annie looked bewildered.

“Why would you think that? I barely paid that much attention to him.”

“Oh come on Annie. This guy was a first-class flirt. It takes one to know one.”

“Ah, ok. So he was flirting with me. I thought he was just being overly nice. Guys are just really hard to read sometimes.” She stared right at me when she said that last part. This time I had nowhere to hide. Particularly because if I tried, I’m pretty sure I would just fall over again.

“I really am a pain in the neck, aren’t I? I’m all snarky and standoffish, and think I’m the coolest when in reality I can meet my demise when I notice a guy try to flirt with you.” I don’t think I’ve ever said anything that forward before. Annie’s eyes bulged out of her head, which confirmed what I said to be true.

“You know I meant what I said earlier, right? You really have nothing to be jealous of. You have a lot going for you already. Sure you can be stupid sometimes, but you can talk your way out of any situation. I know you’re snarky, but you also have a heart made of jello,” she laughed at the end of that. She took a damp washcloth from a bucket on the floor and started dabbing it on my head. “I like you just the way you are. Even if sometimes you act like a handsome devil.” I flashed her one of my Jeff Winger smiles. My heart can turn into jello, especially for Annie.

“Have I ever told you that you make a really good nurse?”

“Maybe once or twice.”

“Well, you make a beautiful nurse, milady. Caring for a person like me isn’t the easiest.”

“Yeah well...you’re worth it to me.” I guess some good did come out of these injuries because that is the best thing anyone has ever said to me. And with that, I kissed the top of Annie’s hand. She was worth it to me too.

#community #jeff winger #annie edison #jeff and annie #jeff x annie

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lindalevanimamm · 4 years

Text

Reality- Chapter 5

(A/N): Just a warning that there are spoilers for the route endings in the game, so if you don’t want them spoiled read with caution!

Once we got back to my apartment, we sat on the couch. Saeyoung turned to look at me. I waited for him to start, ready to learn about how all of this is even happening. “I don’t know where to even start with all of this,” he began.

“Just start from the beginning. I’m not going anywhere,” I replied.

“Ok,” he breathed in. “Well I guess it all started with me realizing that my life was repeating. I kept having deja vu I guess. I felt like everything that was happening had happened before. I started to log my days in detail with what happened. Turns out I was right. I woke up, and went about my day and when I went to log what happened I found a log with my exact day on it. From there I tried to figure out why. A few weeks later I discovered I was in a game. I questioned my own existence. Is my life really real? Or am I just living a program? I still don’t really know the answer. I went through the same life day after day. No one really seemed to know either, but now I think I know that Zen was also suspicious. Then you came along. I wanted to make my feelings known. I wanted to meet you. So I figured out how to get us out of a game. It took a long time. I was able to talk to the RFA freely way before you and I could, obviously. Once we all figured it out we decided we needed out. I worked endlessly to get us out and into a reality. Eventually, I figured it out. I wasn’t sure because everything felt the same, but nothing had repeated yet. So then I got to work on getting here while I waited to see if I had gotten us out of the game. Coming here would confirm that we were no longer just pixels on someone’s screen. I did a lot of research. I went through a lot of errors before I finally got here. I was able to use dark energy and a lot of complicated math to figure out a way. I got to work and built the machine I have now. I don’t think I can explain it all. I don’t doubt your intelligence, but it barely makes any sense to me…”

“Yeah I wouldn’t understand,” I laughed. “But I think I get enough. Basically, you figured out you were in a game, hacked your way out and then made some sort of portal to get here.”

“More or less.”

“So what happened after you made the machine?” I asked.

“I went through the portal. Looking back, that was not the best thing I could have done. I mean if something went wrong I could have died. But it did, by some miracle, work. I found myself here. I had no idea where to look for you so I just started walking. I guess fate is what really brought us together.”

“No, I think it was my overwhelming urge to get ice cream that did,” I chuckled.

“That too,” he laughed. “So then we met. I honestly had no intentions of returning to my universe, or reality, whatever it is. I had told the RFA before I left, but I guess I’m sort of glad I didn’t just ditch them all. But that night my head started pounding. Then I literally saw parts of me disappearing. I wrote that note and then blacked out. When I woke up I was back in my bunker. As soon as I could I sent messages to the RFA about what had happened. I think we’re all trying to figure out what to do with our lives now. Then I worked on fixing the portal, and I think I’ve got it now.”

“So,” I paused, not sure how to ask my question. “What exactly are we going to do? I don’t want to make you come to this universe and leave everything behind...I mean everything that happened in that game was still your life right?”

“Yeah. Everything with Mint Eye and Saeran did happen.”

“But he knows you’re here right?”

“Yeah, he knows…” I sensed him starting to become uncomfortable so I decided to change the subject.

“How about everyone else and their routes?” I asked.

“Their routes?” he questioned.

“Well in the game you were all in there were different routes. So like in Yoosung’s he became a vet, in Jaehee’s she quit her job. What’s happening with all of them?”

“Oh yeah. All the endings did happen, kind of. After we got out of the game we started living lifes. Yoosung has finished school, and is studying more to become a vet. Jaehee did stop working for Jumin and is running a coffee shop. Zen did have a falling out with Echo Girl, but is back on track and is actually in a lot of musicals and movies right now. Jumin, well, he’s still working, but is a better boss and person all around.”

“Woah. So about your route...there were those days you came to see, well me I guess, in the apartment, what was that for you?” I asked.

“Hehe, well. It was like someone was there. It was weird. I don’t know how to explain it. I was in a game, so I guess who I saw was just a CPU or something being controlled by you.” I felt my heart drop a bit. He sounds almost disappointed. Well of course he is. I’m sure the CPU was attractive, and now he is seeing me. Just me. I’m just average at best.

“Oh” I softly answered.

“Did I say something wrong?” he asked.

“What? No.”

“Tell me please?” he asked. I sighed.

“It’s stupid. It’s just, well, I’m sure the CPU or whatever you interacted with was probably more attractive...you almost sounded disappointed and I mean I would be to if I was expecting someone to look like the CPU, but instead I look like me,” I mumbled, not really wanting to tell him, but also not being able to come up with an excuse. I heard him start to laugh. I looked at him confused.

“Sorry. I thought it was something more serious.”

“It is serious,” I stated.

“(Y/N),” he took my hands into his. “You are way better than some CPU. You’re real. I like you for you, not because of your looks. But that doesn’t mean I don’t think you're the most beautiful person I’ve laid my eyes on, because you are. You are so incredibly good looking, but what’s even more unbelievable is how you act as a person.”

“Yeah whatever,” I replied. I know I’m not good at taking compliments, but there’s no way that’s true. Saeyoung sighed and let go of my hands.

“It’s true! But since we’re talking about serious things, we need to talk about what’s going to happen. I don’t think it would be safe to pop back and forth between realities. I have a bad feeling that something would go wrong. I hate to push this decision on you, but it really is up to you on what you want to do. I mean, I know we technically just met and I’d be asking you to leave everything and everyone behind, but-” My mind began to think, ignoring the rest of his apology. I already hate being here. I have no friends. I hate my life. Just a few days ago I thought about ending it. Is there really any reason for me to stay? Yes I’m in school, but I can drop out and start over in their universe. It can’t be that much worse. Sure we just technically met, but I know that I have feelings for Saeyoung and would do anything I could to make him happy. It’s a little crazy, but my life can’t get that much worse…

“I’ll go,” I stated, not realizing that he was still talking.

“What?” he asked. I looked up into his eyes.

“I said that I’ll go with you Saeyoung.”

“But what about your family and friends?” I scoffed and then laughed.

“I have no friends Saeyoung. I don’t even know why you like me. But we can find a way for me to communicate with my family right? Just like how I could message you through the app. It’s not like I see my family in person much anyway, and when I do need to I can use the portal. I know you said it shouldn’t be used often, but once a year or so won’t hurt.”

“But you’re in school…”

“So. I hate it anyway. I’ll drop out. I’ll tell my parents that I’m just going to drop out and start working somewhere. If I need to go to school in your universe then I will.” Saeyoung sat in thought for a moment.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Why not? I have no reason to stay alive here,” I replied seriously.

“Don’t say that.”

“What?” I asked, a bit taken back.

“Don’t say you have no reason to live. There’s always a reason.”

“Oh” I shifted around a bit uncomfortable. I’m not wrong Saeyoung. I have no reasons to live. My life sucks. I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m depressed. I’m anxious. So why not go somewhere completely new. Actually that’s a bit scary. But it can’t be worse than how I am now.

We sat in silence for a few minutes in thought. I felt okay with my decision to leave this reality. But I could tell Saeyoung felt bad for asking me to leave my life. “I’ll get started on packing and then-” I stopped mid-sentence realizing I needed more details. “Wait. Where am I going to stay? Is the money currency the same? Oh my God, you all don’t speak a different language do you? How do we even get back?” Saeyoung interrupted me with a laugh.

“(Y/N), calm down. Most everything is the same I think.”

“Oh,” I replied a bit disappointed.

“As for where you can stay it’s up to you. I have feelings for you, but I’m not going to rush anything. You can stay in my bunker, or we can get you a place.” I smirked at him. “What?” he questioned.

“Did the Saeyoung Choi, Mr. ‘I can’t ever be with anyone because I’ll hurt them’, just admit his feelings for me?” I asked. “I mean what happened to you pushing me away on your route saying I was annoying? Now you’re saying you like me so casually?” Saeyoung looked down, hiding the blush that was creeping up onto his cheeks.

“Well you played the route. You already know I have feelings for you. You’re the one that has helped me with all that,” he replied. “Can we just pack up now?”

“Yeah,” I smiled at him.

“Just bring the important stuff. We will need to keep this place here for you so no one gets suspicious.”

“Right. I should drop out of school first,” I said excitedly. I’ve always wanted to just drop out. I’ve sure thought about it enough times, and now I finally am. I ran to grab my computer. I quickly emailed the school registration and figured out how to officially drop out. After a few minutes I was done. I looked up at Saeyoung and smiled harder than I had in months. “I am officially a college drop out,” I managed to get out before laughing in glee.

“I’ve never seen someone so happy to drop out,” he laughed with me.

“Alright, I’m going to go have a long phone call with my parents about me dropping out.”

“I’ll go ahead and set up a way for you to message them,” Saeyoung replied. I went to go make the phone call.

==============================================================

The phone call was quicker than I expected. Surprisingly, my parents took the news better than I thought. I walked back into my apartment to see Saeyoung hovering over his computer still.

“Well, they took that better than I thought they would have,” I told him. He looked up and smiled.

“I’m glad. Did you decide where you want to stay?” he asked, then added, “no hard feelings if it’s not my bunker.” I smiled.

“I think I do want my own place. I don’t know if I can go through that many adjustments at once. I’d probably break down. I’m not good at any kind of relationships, plus I’m like, you know, moving to a whole new universe.”

“I figured so. Come here I’ve got some options for you.” I walked over and sat down next to him. Saeyoung passed the laptop over onto my lap and I looked. My eyes went wide looking at the prices of rent. The apartments were also incredibly nice.

“Woah Saeyoung these are a lot of money...not to mention so much nicer than this,” I moved my arms up and in circles. He looked at me confused.

“How much does this place cost?” he asked.

“Like 400$ a month. These are over 1,000$!”

“Oh, weird. How much is a Ph D Pepper here?”

“Well first off it’s called a Dr. Pepper here, but like two dollars,” I answered.

“Hmmm, it appears our currencies are not exactly the same. These apartments aren’t that much, but I also want to make sure you’re staying somewhere safe. I can cover the costs.”

“I don’t want you to have to pay for it, it’s a lot!” I argued.

“Too bad,” he said leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest.

“Fine,” I grumbled. I quickly decided on an apartment. Not the nicest, but not the worse either. “I’ll take this one, but at least let me pay you back what I can,” I told him.

“Maybe,” he smiled at me. He’s not going to let me is he? I can’t burden him with this so I’ll find a way. I passed the laptop back to him. He was typing away. “Looks like you can move in tomorrow!” he said. I smiled. I’m starting over.

“I’m going to go pack then,” I told him, before standing up and stretching. Saeyoung apparently thought it was the perfect moment to lean forward and tickle my sides. I immediately swatted at his hand laughing and trying to get him to stop. I eventually broke free and ran to my room before he could catch up.

“HAHA. You can’t get me in here!” I yelled through my now locked door.

“Sure I can!” Was all I heard him say before he suddenly was opening the door. My jaw dropped in horror. He held up a small pin that he had used to pick the lock. Saeyoung then smiled and lurched forwards, once again attacking me with his hands. I felt like I couldn’t breathe from laughing so hard.

“S-stop! I-,” I took as big of a breath in as I could, “I can’t breath!” Saeyoung just laughed before he eventually decided to stop. I breathed heavily and caught my breath. I was so busy trying to breathe I hadn’t realized where we had ended up. I was laying on the floor, with Saeyoung hovering over me, pinning me down. Once I realized I looked away, trying to hide the blush that I knew was coming. My heart was pounding, from the tickle attack and the fact that Saeyoung was here, and pinning me down. Saeyoung seemed to catch on as he quickly stopped and got off.

“I’m so sorry,” he mumbled, now embarrassed.

“It’s fine,” I mumbled back. I got up and decided to just move on and start packing some of my things into a box I had found. Soon after, Saeyoung began to help, asking what all I wanted to bring. After packing everything up, we laid sprawled out on my floor, exhausted from moving things.

“Are you sure about this?” Saeyoung asked me. I rolled my head to look over at him and smiled.

“Yes. Like I said earlier, I don’t have much to live for here. And while I know it will be hard at first, it can’t get worse than how I feel now,” I answered. He looked at me.

“How do you feel?” I choked on my spit, surprised that he would just ask me flat out.

“You really want to know?” I asked. He nodded. I sighed. “Well, empty I guess. I feel like I feel so many negative emotions, but also nothing at all. I don’t have friends, and I never really have, so something must be wrong with me. I don’t even know why you’re here. I hate my life. I’m not happy and I don’t think I have anything to live for. I worry about everything, and I do mean everything. But I don’t ever share my feelings with people because I don’t want to burden them. I don’t even know why I’m telling you. I guess it hasn’t really hit me that you’re actually here. My mind is constantly telling me why I’m not good enough for things and it sucks. It sucks to not have someone there for you. It sucks to wake up wishing you didn’t. It sucks to feel like no one understands you. It sucks to question every bit of you. Everything just sucks.” I was trying to keep the sobs from coming, but it wasn’t working. I could feel the tears beginning to stream down my face. I was swallowing the sobs that were trying to escape. I brought my hands up to my face to cover it and wipe away the tears. Why did I even tell him all of that? It’s going to scare him away. He’s not going to like me. I’m a waste of space burdening him. I suddenly felt arms moving me. Saeyoung moved me so that I was now crying into his chest. I sobbed harder. The sounds coming out of me weren’t human. I think he picked me up, all I know was I gripped onto his shirt as I sobbed. He put me onto my bed and wrapped me into a hug once again. His hand moved to rub my back.

“I know it sucks. I know how hard it is, but I’m here now. You’re not a burden. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’ll get through this. I’ll be here every step of the way,” he whispered. Why are you doing this? I don’t deserve this. I moved even closer to him, leaving no space between us as I cried. Saeyoung stayed there and comforted me, whispering that he was there for me. My cries began to quiet. Only a few sniffs and tears here and there. I looked up at Saeyoung.

“I’m sorry” I tried to whisper, but soon realized how harsh my voice sounded.

“Don’t ever be sorry for your feelings,” Saeyoung whispered back.

“But I am. I don’t normally cry this much,” I let out a small laugh. “You’ve been here for not even two days and I’ve already cried what three times or something?”

“Sometimes it’s good to just let it all out. I’m just glad I could be here this time.” I buried my head back into his chest, finding comfort in his heartbeat once again. I know I shouldn’t be doing this, falling asleep in his arms when we’re not even really in a relationship. I don’t care though. I need someone and I’m just glad he’s here.

#saeyoung choi #saeyoung choi x reader #707 #707 x reader #mystic messenger #fanfic

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ikenbar · 4 years

Text

Mr. Love: Ike’s Choice CH3 PT 9

Warnings: Mentions of child abuse (just stories and old scars), Fluffff, also some angst but it’s like the last few paragraphs so don’t get your hopes up, ewwy googy baby high fives, and cliffhangers that will make you beg for more >:D

(Chapter Three (Victor and Lucien) prologue and part one, and parts two, three, four, five, six, seven, and eight here~)

((Please read the author’s note (and the beginning of the story) on chapter one part one if you’re new here :D))

Chapter three:

Part nine:

I crashed the moment I hit my bed. When I woke up I called Maria and told her everything that had happened. She was silent through most of the call, partially out of exhaustion from how early it was, and partially because of how angry she had been with me the night before. After hearing the story, she seemed to have eased up a bit but made me promise to call her right away if anything like that were to happen again. I also promised to try extra hard to welcome the new foster child, Adrienne, to the family that night. Maria accepted the proposal without hesitation.

Throughout the entire conversation, Bart hadn't uttered a word to me. I could tell he was angry, so I made it a point to call him later that day. But no matter how many times I had tried to call him, he never picked up.

I also made sure to tell Sam what happened that night when I picked him up from school. “I never trusted Lucien.” Sam growled over the phone, “If he ever tries to bug you again just let me know! I’ll teach him a lesson!” Sam’s adolescent voice made the threats adorable but I accepted his offer nonetheless. It was nice to know he would be by my side no matter what. Now I just had to convince the other members of the family to do the same...

>>>

I tugged lightly at the tie around my neck as I approached the foster house. I had decided to dress semi casually that evening with a white button-up shirt, nice black jeans, and a loose red tie. I had also bought some pies for dessert that night. Hopefully, that would make Bart happy enough to talk to me again.

I rapped on the door. Hurried footsteps sounded from the living room then the door swung open. I was greeted by a wide-eyed and grinning Sam. He was carrying a giggly Lola.

“Look, Lola!” He bounced the baby and pointed at me, “It’s Sissy Ike!” Lola screeched and reached out for me happily. I took her up from Sam’s arms and held her close with my free hand. Sam took the opportunity to take my bags and peer inside of them.

“Hey!” I reached to take them back but Sam dodged my grasp.

“Pies!” Sam cheered, “I hope you got pumpkin!”

“What kind of a fool doesn’t get pumpkin pie in the fall?” I huffed, “Those were supposed to be a surprise.”

“Welp, you shouldn’t have taken Lola, leaving me free to be nosy.” Sam stuck out his tongue. I looked over to Lola who was sucking happily on her fist.

“I can’t believe I trusted you.” I booped the little baby on the nose. Lola giggled and booped me right back with her slimy, saliva ridden hand.

“Come in.” Sam said through a fit of laughter, “I’ll put these in the kitchen for Dad to warm up.”

“Is the newbie here yet?” I asked, walking into the house and closing the door behind me, “Have you met her?” Sam stopped walking.

“Yeah.” Sam laughed nervously, “She’s… a character.” With that, he sped off into the dining room.

“How reassuring.” I said to Lola, who cooed in response. Doors shut from upstairs and footsteps retreated from the bedrooms. Maria appeared at the foot of the stairs, obviously at a loss for words. As she descended, she looked to be lost in thought, completely oblivious of my presence. “Wow.” I said, making Maria jump, “I think I can see smoke coming out of your ears.”

“Evie!” She said sweetly, quickly bouncing down the last steps and into my arms. I moved to complete the hug but Maria had already pulled away. She reached up and held my face in her hands, “How are you feeling, Evie? Any better?”

“I’m ok, really.” I pulled her hands away and gave her a soft smile, “Our talk this morning helped a lot.” Maria gave me a look of shock. My smile dropped. “What?”

“I don’t know.” Her shock melted into curiosity, “You seem… different today. Softer almost.”

“Perhaps the leaky baby in my arms makes it look that way.” Annoyance trailed from my words as another slimy slap hit my face. Maria laughed and took Lola from my arms.

“Come here, you!” She cooed, rubbing her face into the giggling baby’s, “Sister Ike has to go greet Sister Adri and hopefully put her in a better mood!”

“She isn’t in a good mood?” I asked looking up the stairs.

“Nope!” Maria kept up her playful tone for Lola, “In fact, I think I made it worse! Hey, Lola. Can you say ‘good luck, Evie!’?” Maria waved Lola’s hand to me, wordlessly pushing me upstairs. I sighed and accepted her challenge, walking to the bedrooms carefully.

I approached the pink bedroom door quietly. Scuffling came from inside the room, guaranteeing the existence of the new occupant living there. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

“Come in.” An annoyed, high pitched voice welcomed me. I pushed open the door and looked around. The room was fairly simple but had a clear aesthetic.

Neon lights in spring.

Pale pink based every furniture in the room and neon displays outlined them with various colors. My eyes landed on a teenage girl sitting on a comfy looking bed. She was tall and lean, legs splayed out and body contorted uncomfortably as she hunched over the phone in her hands. She wore black leggings, red converse, a large band tee shirt, and an even bigger tan jacket that poofed nicely around her arms. Her hair was black, bobbed, and straight, framing her heavily makeup ridden face. Her style seemed sharp enough to cut anyone who approached her and it was clear that was what she intended.

Adrienne pulled her attention from the phone as I walked in. She let out an annoyed huff as she eyed me up and down. “You must be Ike.” Adrienne said in a disgruntled tone.

“I take it you’ve heard about me?” I asked, shutting the door behind me.

“The old man wouldn’t stop talking about you.” Adrienne rolled her eyes, “It was ‘Ike this’ and ‘Ike that’ with him. I’m surprised you didn’t walk in with a halo and wings.”

“So they didn’t say anything bad about me?” I sighed and shoved my hands in my pockets.

“No.” Adrienne deadpanned, looking back at her phone.

"They didn’t mention anything about me being an emotionally distant adrenaline hog?"

Adrienne looked back at me, eyeing me in a way that made it clear that she was waiting for me to tell her it was a joke. Once she saw I really wasn't kidding, she straightened herself slightly, ".… I think one of the twins might have touched on it." She said cautiously. Ah, good ol Ashton. "The other twin made me a macaroni picture." Adrienne gestured to her vanity. I approached it to find a macaroni picture of a smiling dog that read, Welcome to your new home, A-Dog!!

"Sam and his macaroni pictures." I shook my head and picked up the picture, "I threw out the first one I got from him. When he saw it in my trash, he didn't get angry. He simply made me another one. I stopped trashing them after the tenth try. It's still hanging in my apartment as we speak." I had two of his works actually. The one he made me at the foster home and the other one he had made me when I moved out. They were proudly framed and placed by my bed.

Some macaroni started sliding down the picture. He must have just made it. I placed down the picture carefully and walked back over to Adrienne. I pulled her desk chair out and swung it in front of her bed. Straddling it, I leaned forward, placing my head on the palm of my hand. “Ashton would be the other twin. He tends to be blunt about things. Bart and Maria could learn a thing or two from him. Now, allow me to introduce myself correctly.” I held out my hand, “Hi, I’m Ikamara Bikira. But you can call me Ike. I’m pleased to make your acquaintance.” Adrienne hesitated a moment but eventually took my hand. She shook it limply, making my grasp seem like that of a giant’s.

“Adri.” She murmured slightly, withdrawing her hand rather quickly from mine, “So.. you aren’t the super prissy heiress they make you out to be?”

“Nope.” I deadpanned, “In fact, most of the people I work with hate me. Say I don’t have any human decency or manners. They’re right, of course, but it still hurts.”

“But, the folks made you out to be this super caring person who only thinks for the people around her and never herself.”

“They tend to do that for the people they care about.” I sighed somewhat happily, “They only talk about the redeeming qualities so you seem so much better than you are. In fact, Maria did it for you.”

“She just barely met me.” Adri huffed, trying to catch me in a lie.

“You’ve seen Maria. Do you really think time will stop her from deciding whether or not to love and adore you?”

Adri seemed to be at a loss for words. She huffed and looked down at her phone. I took the opportunity to admire the poster hanging over her bed.

“You like Kiro?” I asked, staring into those familiar eyes on the poster. He was singing into a microphone and smiling charmingly at the camera.

“Who doesn’t?” Adri scoffed, keeping her eyes on her phone, “I have all of his albums on my phone.”

“Me too.” I found myself saying, as I got lost in his eyes.

“What?!” Adri laughed, snapping me back to reality, “Really?! I didn’t take you for the type!”

“What is that supposed to mean?!” I eyed Adri.

“I mean, Kiro’s music is full of emotion! You’re,” Adri looked me up and down again, “Not.”

“I’ll have you know Kiro’s music got me through highschool.” I said, redirecting my eyes to that dazzling smile, “He also connected me with this family.”

“How so?”

“Sam and I would listen to his music together all the time. I even used Kiro to communicate to Ashton while I was mute.”

“You… were mute?” Adri asked, hesitantly. My eyes unfocused from the poster and became large. Dang it, Victor. I thought to myself, Now you’ve got me spilling my guts to a seventeen-year-old. I hope you’re happy.

“Yeah.” I replied slowly, unsure about what to say, “For three years.”

“So it was selective.” Adri crossed her legs and sat in front of me, making me straighten my posture in response, “Why did you choose to be mute?”

“Since when did you become so interested in me?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Since you stopped being a prick and actually became interesting.” Adri answered eagerly, gesturing to me to start talking. I looked blankly into her eyes. Victor’s words swam through my head.

“...I don’t blame you for needing time to ready yourself for the world, but you can’t stay in your head forever.”

Maybe talking to Adri about this stuff could be the step forward I needed to take.

I unbuttoned and rolled up the sleeves to my shirt. “My mother left me and my dad when I was a baby, and my dad had important business to attend to… business that didn’t involve me. So, my dad put me in the foster program when I was just a child. Since then I was admitted to six different homes, counting this one. The first home sent me to a sort of Bootcamp, the second home neglected me, the third home gave me too much of the wrong kind of attention, the fourth home made me lose parts of myself; Including the feeling in my left arm... and my voice; and the fifth home… was featured on the news.” The scars on my arms radiated strangely in the neon lights, “By then I was discouraged. It had been ten years since my father had promised to come back for me and I was still in the system, bouncing from house to house. From one family who didn’t want me to the next. When I had arrived at this home, I was ready for it to be the same way…

“But it wasn’t. I was greeted with a macaroni picture, a hug from a large friendly man, a bright smile from a kind lady, the cold shoulder from a strange little boy, and a large welcoming meal. It still took me a month until I was sure I could trust them, but that was thirty-one days I wish I could take back. I wish I had started speaking to them right away. I wish I told them everything I felt and exactly how thankful I was that they didn’t hate me. That they wanted me around to love and welcome me as their own. Their love means more to me then they will ever know… which is why I want to ask one thing of you.” Adri had been transfixed on my arms as I spoke. I took her chin and pulled it up so she would match my gaze, “Give them a chance. Before you know it you will be out of here and reunited with your family. Let them love you the way you deserve because, whether you like it or not, they are going to do it anyway. And they aren’t ever going to stop doing it. No matter how badly you mess up. Trust me, I know. They…” I paused, “...we are your family now. We’ve got your back. So there’s no need to fight us.” Adri stayed silent, staring blankly at my face. I let go of Adri’s chin and stood up from her chair. I held out my hand, “Now, why don’t we head downstairs? Bart normally likes it when we set the table for dinner.”

Adri ignored my hand as she looked up at me. She had a clear sparkle in her eyes. Many emotions filled them. Sympathy, sadness, regret…

... but also realization, adoration, and above all, respect. Adri raised a shaky hand to mine.

Before she could take it though, the door swung open. Sam stomped in, worry and anger brimmed on his face. Those emotions morphed into awkwardness as he realized what he had interrupted. “S-sorry!” He said sweetly, “Did I ruin a moment?”

“I’m sure there will be more to come.” I smiled at Adri. She smiled back meaningfully, “What’s up, kiddo?” Sam’s face returned to the state it was in before as the topic returned to him.

“N-Now, don’t kill the messenger.” Sam spoke slowly and shakily, “But we have a visitor.”

“Who is it?” I asked, bracing myself. One knowing look from Sam made the answer clear. “No.” I wined slightly, “Please be joking.” A familiar laugh came from downstairs. Anxiety rushed into my stomach as I groaned. I hid my face in my hand.

“Who is it?” Adri asked warily.

“Oh! He is just delightful! Super fun!” Sam smiled sarcastically. Then his smile dropped, “and also a son of a-” I held a hand up to Sam to stop him from contributing to the swear jar.

“Why don’t we go meet him.” I groaned, moving towards the door, “There could be a chance he got amnesia within the few hours we last saw each other and he could have completely forgotten about me.”

“What, hold on, tea?!” Adri jumped up from the bed and grabbed onto my arm, “Spill it! Is this guy an ex??”

“He wishes!!” Sam spoke up again and jumped in front of Adri, “Go on down, Ike. I’ll be the one to catch Adri up to speed.”

“What, so I can go face him alone?!” I scoffed, “No way! I’ll stay here. You go.”

“How about we all stay?” A low melodious voice came from the doorway, “I would like to hear what happened as well.”

(Next)

#oof that ending tho???#makes the heart a flutter #it makes you begg for more and i loVE EEETTTT #mlqc #mlqc lucien #mlqc fluff #mlqc fanfiction #mlqc oc #mlqc oc fanfiction #mlqc lucien angst #mr love #mr love lucien #mr love fanfiction #fanfiction #ike n bar productions #ikes choice #mr love ikes choice #ikamara bikira story

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judgement-free-sideblog · 5 years

Text

Blood, tears and sea breeze

Warnings: ANGST, mental health issues, graphic depictions of violence, blood, cursing, mentions of sexual assault, mentions of sex, substance abuse.

Summary: The not so peaceful town of Broadchurch face dead again, while Alec Hardy continues his journey to redemption will this school teacher be the key to solve the mystery or just another victim of the ever watching evilness that seems to reside in the town.

First Previous Next

Chapter 10: Memory

"What is wrong with blokes this days?" Katie asked while the black light of the forensic team illuminated the back seat of the car and some white splatters shine on the leather covers. "Why can't they keep it in their pants until they get a proper bedroom" Alec only nodded agreeing with her, but not with the same devotion.

"Well, apart from this number" He said pointing at the seats "There is little to see here, wich is weird, why empty the car and let this for us to find it?"

"Maybe it was their intention, but I guess we will know more once they analyze all of these"

Alec's phone ring, and he assume Miller will be calling to gave him more information about Brian inquire on the sex toys but instead it was a very distressed Beth Latimer asking him to go to her house immediately.

"Let me see, I actually took all her personal paper because I assumed you will be asking about her" Mrs. Saunders was taking some papers out of her desk, and extended Y/L/N personal file and her employee card with all her entrance and exit times marked down, a very impressive assistance, except from last Friday where in fact she had gone out early.

"The weekends are not here" She said checking the dates on her calendar.

"Of course not, I'm happy that my teachers want to work for their community, but we are not always able to pay them those days, so the people who work on weekends are more like volunteers, that's why they are not marked"

"So there is no way to know for sure at what time she got out those days?" Miller asked, more worried every moment.

"Well no, but there are signing sheets in every community class, maybe there are something in Y/N classroom, unless..." She started thinking so Ellie urged her to continue "Unless you want to check the cameras outside the school, I mean they cover the three exits so I'm sure you can find something there."

"That would be great, thank you" Ellie said and while she managed the surveillance system, desperately tried to contact Alec.

By the time he arrived at the Latimer's house he knew something was wrong, Mark was outside with the children trying to distract them, and gave him a surprise look since he had get there incredibly quick, something Miller will disapprove since she didn't like him driving on his own.

"What the bloody hell happened now?" He asked in a strong voice once he entered the house.

"I genuinely don't know" Beth said while she pat Y/N's back, trying to comfort her, she was holding herself with an improvised bandage on her right hand trembling like she was cold. Alec pointed at the injury with an inquisitive look "An accident with the dishes, but I don't think that is what scared her, she start screaming and we found her on the floor like this"

Alec kneeled down and tried to catch her look, but it was like she wasn't there.

"Miss Y/L/N..." he started but he realized his tone was too harsh "Y/N" he start over trying to sound calming, "I'm Alec Hardy, I need you to tell me what happened" He made an attempt to touch her but the sound of steps on the hall made him stop.

"Is she ok?" Paul voice said and an exasperated Hardy look at Beth.

"Why?"

"I was mortified ok?" She hissed at him, and he think twice before arguing with her.

"Y/n? What happened?" He said but unlike Alec he didn't hesitate to hugged her and she stop her tremors after a while. "I'm here ok? Look at me" He cupped his face with tenderness but firmly and obliged her to look at him "You are in Beth's house, it's okay" She nodded and her look start to change and becoming more present present.

"Katie? Is Detective Hardy with you?" Miller asked while she keep gazing at the monitor, where a scene kept playing on repeat. "What do you mean? How long ago he left?" She had to talk to him, early on the case she was convinced Y/N was innocent, but now it everything was different. "I will try her phone one more time, thanks... just one more thing, what car did you said he drove? Blue right, thanks" she hung up the phone while in the monitor Y/N board the blue BMW, her steps were strange, like she was not sure how to walk, and she couldn't see the person driving the car, but it was obviously Jonathan's car.

"How did you know?" Hardy finally asked Paul, once Y/N was calmed and letting Beth fix her hand.

"What? How to calm her? I ... I have done it before, when her parents die, it happened often, it helps to tell her where she is so she can regain conciousness" he smile at Hardy, but he ignored him. His phone was filled with texts from Miller so he called her.

"I see, are you sure? Fine. I will talk to her, it may be useful if we get a professional for the interrogation, maybe tomorrow? No, she is fine, but she can't stay here" He then hung up and regain that cold look in his eyes, walk towards Y/N and took her by her wrist under Beth protest and Paul tried to stop him "We are leaving" he said simply and gave Beth a meaningful look so she didn't say anything and simply went to pick up Y/N belongings.

"Alec, I must insist she should stay here" Paul said, and he let go of her, hoping he didn't have to use force to take her out of the house.

"No, the Latimer's have already been so helpful but this is a law problem and we should take care about it"

"It's okay Paul" She said and take the bag Beth offered her. "It's for the best, detective" she said and followed him to his car.

He drove in silence until they get to his place, Miller had insist to get her back to the station but he decided to interrogate her alone in a less hostile environment first.

"Is a nice place to live DI Hardy" she said once they were inside.

"Please sit down" he responded dryly. He walked to his small office where Miller had already faxed him her findings.

"Something happened right?" She gave him the impression to be aware of the situation and he didn't like it. "You look ready to shot Paul if he didn't let me leave, so I asume you have more questions for me." She said simply.

"You lied to me again, you said you saw the Director of your school on Sunday, we checked and apparently she wasn't there that day" He said and put out the coffee table in front of her the pictures from the security camera "And the day she remember seeing you, you left early and board this car, do you recognize it?" He said and her posture tensed.

"It's Jonathan's car" She said in a whisper.

"Exactly, wich is weird since according to the coroner he died early that morning around 2:00 am" she negate with her head when he said Died, distressed, wich was exactly his goal "Would you like to explain me what happened here?"

"I don't remember," she start playing with her hair nervously "My memory is confusing sometimes, Dr. Florence made me write everything down as it's happening so I don't have lagoons, but I didn't do it on Friday, I just realize I was on the street near the school at 4:30 and walked back so Paul could take me home, and when you asked me about what happened on Sunday I just told you what I remembered, I truly don't know anything else."

"I'm going to need that you get a psychiatric evaluation tomorrow to verify if your declaration is valuable, in the meantime you are gonna have to stay here" he said and walk out of the room with some pillows and blankets "you'll take my room"

"Ok... I have something else to say, early today, I remember something, I don't know what it is, but since yesterday a bunch of images and memories keep coming back to me, I keep remembering someone, a man in a red shirt, I was not sure who that was, but I'm certain is the person driving here" She said pointing the pictures, "I just can't place his face... I don't know what I did anymore, but I'm willing to go trough any test necessary"

He showed her to his room and even when his guts tell her she was innocent he locked the door, it was a completely ridiculous situation, and he went back to his livingroom, before he could fall asleep he called Dr. Florence so she could see Y/N in the morning, and resist the urge to call Miller. Maybe he wanted to believe her, so bad that he kept dreaming about that mysterious stranger on the red shirt.

And another sentiment in the back of his head was impossible to shake off, he had seen the back of the car, and she admitted to had gone in the car with some stranger... it was the same exasperation he felt when Paul comfort her. Jealousy? Don't be ridiculous Hardy, he said to himself and tried to apart his helpless look from his conciousness and get some sleep.

Tag list:

@allonsymexgirl @laciesaito @tf18unipups @dazedkrosupreme @timey-wimey-lovi

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yeah-oh-shit · 5 years

Text

so im still trying to figure out wtf dracula was all about and if there is a deeper meaning at all. i compiled a list of all my observations - especially places where it might relate to sherlock, things that seem odd/out of place, important thematic moments, anything that is unexplained. idk if i will come back to this to try to piece it together more, but i needed to get it all down so i could look at it in its wholeness. in case you are interested, here is my commentary, any “points of interest,” i found, below the cut.

episode 1:

vampirism is a contagion, sister agatha asks harker if he had “sexual intercourse” with dracula right away - aids

flies everywhere, on windows, the camera lens, one flies into harker’s eye

why did dracula let himself become such an old man? no one good to eat? (i’ve been telling everyone for years that you are what you eat)

story told by harker w/sister agatha interviewing him, almost leading him on

harker’s written account is unreliable

woman in disguise - mina (reminds me of mary)

rainbow lighting

spiral candles match spiral bedpost

sister agatha mentions a “point of interest”

dracula calls jonathan johnny (john mirror?)

inconsistencies: picture of mina changes from right to left, harker says no one calls him johnny (but mina later shows that she does - johnny blue eyes)

THERE IS NO BABY

dates - 12th, 19th, and 29th (!!)

scene very similar to the fall - “you are me,” dracula tries to get harker on his side but harker refuses

dracula says he will “destroy everyone and everything you love” in england

harker is found by sailors and said to be a drowned man walking/talking after he falls from castle dracula

lots of queer coding and it’s during the parts where dracula is shown as the most monstrous and coercive

sister agatha taunts dracula, calls him a beast (rules of the beast), he is indeed shown as beastly

dracula licks a knife in a suggestive way (moriarty)

inviting dracula in leads to death

harker doesn’t remember what happened to him (doesn’t know he is dead)

harker doesn’t know what mina’s face looks like

mina says a line much like mary’s (“i decide who you are”)

sister agatha mentions having a detective acquaintance in london (!!)

dracula is an old man for most of the episode, doesn’t come off as flirty or sexy to me, just seems coercive, controlling, and creepy. we barely get any time w/harker and dracula together, doesn’t seem like they have much chemistry

jonathan in and out of dream, weakened, coerced

he keeps going deeper into the castle and eventually discovers dracula’s undead and even dracula’s crypt itself but can’t find the person who wrote him a note

castle is a maze but jonathan discovers the map (hiding behind a portrait, deduces this in a way that makes pretty much no sense)

sun is equated to lover’s face

dracula never seems to lie, just says things in a truthful way that is obfuscated (except for when he knocks the mirror over and claims to being clumsy)

dracula wants to go to england bc he thinks the most cultured and rich people live there (aristocratic bullshit) but it is reinforced so many times that somehow him being choosy has helped him to live a long time .. confusing

episode 2:

starts w/dracula and agatha talking in his castle. dracula talks about how a story has to be interesting from the beginning, the contract between author and reader, “quality of time”

“there’s a game in progress” “a knight is menacing a queen” “whose knight, whose queen?” “Who’s black, who’s white”

ship in a bottle

whole episode takes place on a big ship

sokolov (anderson) is captain (steering the ship)

mind palace/dreaming (sr. agatha and dracula) in castle but actually in room 9 on ship

mr balaur (dragon - dracula) brought all these people together

7 passengers on the ship (unusual, stated multiple times, i don’t think we are ever told significance?)

one sick - captain is only one allowed in

piotr isn’t who he says he is

dracula kills dorabella (very flirty with her) talks about mirrors showing the truth - “one can always find a mirror if one tries” “mirrors are a deeper and more dangerous magic than most people understand. mirrors can give us space to imagine or worse, show us the truth”

“this marriage is a necessary evil”

confirmed gay couple (lord ruthven and adisa) - lord ruthven talks about sleeping with his wife in front of adisa constantly (cruel), adisa is disguised as a servant, adisa seems to really love ruthven

many people jump ship when everyone starts dying

lord ruthven is both very gay and very mean - and into dracula

dracula and agatha play chess

“the purpose of an alias seems to have alluded you” (mr. balaur means dragon means dracula, a disguise is “always a self portrait”)

dracula says he is choosy (so does agatha) but also recognizes that he is an addict (agatha’s word) - claims to be choosy and to be like everything in same breath

dracula called a beast, acts very animal around blood - can’t control himself

agatha loses time during chess, notices dracula is winning now, is also drinking blood out of a glass

he tells her to “forget about the chess and concentrate on the game”

dracula frames agatha, almost kills her via hanging (despite trying to “savor” her)

sister agatha claims she is a vampire and then tries to prove dracula is one

lord ruthven wants to be “partners” with dracula

somehow dracula appears out of nowhere in the cabin of dr. sharma

vampire’s kiss is an opiate - makes people dream

emphasis on the fact that the daughter can see (eyes!), her father has a scar over his right eye

dracula flirts with everyone

no one suspects dracula even though its really obvious it is him?? he is being hella suspicious?

daughter (who sees dracula killing) doesn’t tell anyone, later kills herself by drinking a potion to avoid becoming infected

sister agatha is infected/dying, losing fingernails (like harker)

dracula will die without his soil

captain sokolov stays behind in ship w/agatha, piotr and cook escape

agatha discovers extra soil in dracula’s bed, realizes the fire didn’t kill him

dracula attacks sokolov but somehow he doesn’t die and can’t walk even though his wound is in his neck but still is able to DRAG himself?

dracula explains fear of cross as fear of oppression that he has inherited from eating peasants (but he is very choosy with his diet?)

ship sinks, sister agatha dies (implied, which is confusing bc harker also goes into the sea and doesn’t die.. maybe it has to do with the fact that she doesn’t have any soil? but neither did harker? vampire lore seems convoluted and confusing) dracula finds his soil (in the water)

dracula wakes up, goes ashore, its modern day and helicopters, a spot light, police cars, and modern day sister agatha greet him

episode 3:

weird vibe generally.. almost reminds me of tfp w/lighting and how it feels so off from the rest

dracula shows us that what he sees in the mirror is who he truly is (at least that is what is implied) an old ugly man

dracula is weird and kinda cute when he is amazed by modern times

we learn that agatha apparently died even though she was just in water and harker survived and was a “drowned man walking and talking” ?

jack (another john mirror?) is in love with lucy, there are a lot of scenes in a club ?, lucy gets engaged to a texan named quincy (who was apparently a main character in the original book and is an asshole in this). all these characters kind of suck

jonathan harker keeps calling jack, we are supposed to think he saved the jonathan harker foundation’s phone number in his phone as just “jonathan harker”? seems weird

jonathan harker foundation was started by mina, supported by agatha’s family

lots of allusions to jonathan harker foundation getting money from a “bad” source - too much money to just be about science

mercenaries - one has a tattoo like assassin in sherlock

there is a moving clock on the floor of dracula’s cell/cage

dracula asks why he has a toilet when he is a vampire and we never get an answer

dracula’s cage looks like silence of the lambs (like A LOT)

blood is LIVES, dracula helps zoe get a sample of his blood by cutting his wrist with his fingernail - tells her “you have everything you need to know” when she takes his blood (dracula tells zoe, she drinks his blood)

“women don’t have rights, no one has rights” “dracula has rights” ???

zoe starts hallucinating/communicating w/agatha

zoe is agatha’s great niece apparently

dracula does a weird deduction thing about people from smelling or tasting their blood

dracula can’t drink zoe’s blood bc she has cancer and he can’t drink blood of the dying (which seems weird but ok)

renfield (mark) is dracula’s lawyer and seems to become obsessed with him

dracula identifies as a “warlord”

renfield is helping dracula w/“world domination”

dracula is on dating apps, renfield tries to find him people to eat, but he seems dissatisfied

dracula works out (like mycroft)

dracula (d) texts lucy uses vampire emoji

lots of gay/bi/purple lighting

dracula becomes obsessed w/lucy bc she is not afraid of him (or anything) and seems “almost in love with death”

lucy is shown as shallow and obsessed with her looks, but also seems to not like always being seen/watched bc she is beautiful

dracula and lucy are meeting up and she is letting him drink her blood

they meet up and he talks about liking having her “consent” because no one has ever given it before, but also says that it doesn’t really matter and that he doesn’t love her and will never love her

lucy likes the dreams dracula gives her - no one can see her

9 graves of undead

dracula tells lucy not to be cremated because its painful

“boofer lady”- beautiful lady - undead child follows lucy home

renfield sits in a car during their meeting and eats a fly

dracula kills lucy so she can become a vampire, she can’t move but the mirror shows that she is still alive?

we see dracula’s old man face in the mirror multiple times

lucy is burned, and for some reason keeps seeing herself as beautiful in mirrors

agatha (in zoe’s head) talks about the money coming from a bad place again but says she “can’t see it” because zoe doesn’t like to think about it

lucy, jack, zoe, and dracula all meet in dracula’s house

lucy flirts w/jack and he seems disgusted, they force her to take a selfie and see herself as she really is

lucy freaks the fuck out about being ugly and burned and seems to be more obsessed with her beauty after dying which is weird because she seemed to be almost bitter about it when she was alive (didn’t care about or fear anything)

dracula says she will always be burned (why? jonathan survived being drowned, etc. dracula survived fire?) and that he doesn’t care

jack says he will always want to kiss her (even though he was just freaked out by her like 20 seconds ago) kisses her and kills her (at her request)

dracula seems unfazed? even though she was his “greatest bride” ?

zoe has been taken over by agatha? and realizes what the one thing is that dracula fears (the thing that ties together the sun, cross, and needing an invitation - apparently the soil thing doesn’t matter anymore..)

“only one thing in this world you are truly afraid of” - she knows, he doesn’t

he cannot bear to look in a mirror, won’t stand revealed in the sun, needs an invitation to come in - not real things, he has internalized the legends

zoe/agatha says that he was a warrior and so was his entire family (all his relatives, father, brothers, sons, were war heroes who died on the battlefield but not him)

he is the warlord who “skulks in the shadows and steals the lives of others” and is “unwelcome everywhere” “sleeps in a box of dirt but dreams of a warriors grave”

he fears death the most - the cross represents going willingly to death to him, somehow the sun represents this too? (possibly he is afraid to seeing himself/the truth, same as the mirror)

it is never explained how the invitation thing is tied in.. assuming its because he feels “unwelcome everywhere” ?

she pulls the curtain and he doesn’t burn in the sun, shows him it was his fear of death and his shame all along

can’t conquer death until you face it without fear - “the game is over, you lose, you will live forever in shame”

dracula steps into sun, faces his shame

he faces his fear of death by drinking agatha’s blood, thus dying by suicide (which we were already told vampires can’t do)

gross fiery sex scene with agatha and dracula, he gives her a dream so she will have a nice death

“after all this time did you think I’d let it hurt?” ???

they are in a burning sun and are naked together in a circle, we see dracula’s butt again

it ends with the sun

#bbc dracula #wtf #bbc dracula spoilers #sherlock connections? maybe? IDK #basically a plot summery w/annotations bc i don't know what else to do rn

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no-error · 6 years

Text

Did you say angst?

Read some angsty klance fics

Poor boys <3

!PART 2 HERE!

Space

Missed

Lance isn't the best or brightest. He isn't the funniest or most likeable. Lance doesn't command attention, he has to fight for it.

Lance's friends are geniuses. Top of the class, prodigies.

Despite this, Lance knows he is loved. Lance loves his friends. And he knows they love him just as much as he loves them. He is needed.

19,072 words AO3

Talk It Out

Keith had noticed for quite some time now that Lance wasn't being his usual self. He had waited for someone else to say something and approach Lance about it - but no one ever did. So once they got Shiro back, he decided that he wouldn't wait any longer and make him talk.

Lance doesn't want to talk about it. At all. Not with Keith, not with anyone else. But somehow, one way or another, Keith gets him to open up. And Lance's reward? A new boyfriend.

10,955 words AO3

3 years gone

Lance and Keith have been dating a little under three years now. On a mission, Keith and Red crash. Keith ends up losing his memory. He doesn't remember who he is or anything about the team or Lance's and his relationship.

21,959 words AO3

Cut It Out, Restart

“Sorry guys,” Lance’s voice is clear now, like the static that lives in the earpiece of Keith’s headset is holding its breath too. “I guess you’ll have to find a new Red Paladin after all.”

Someone leaves, someone comes back and war is tough, but we are tougher.

15,073 words AO3

Three Little Questions

Everyday Lance went to each of his teammates and asked them a question. Everyday Lance was turned away by all but one of them. They didn't know what they were doing to Lance and only one person was going to be able to fix it.

5,548 words AO3

Find Yourself (And Be That)

The one where Lance crashes on a Planet after a mission, can't contact his team, his insecurities strike, he losses his bond with Blue, he saves an entire planet, wins a war and he finds his self worth along the way.

8,574 words AO3

Drastic Measures

Lance is struggling with his insecurities and fears that the team doesn't need him. But their true feelings become clear when Lance literally sticks his hand into a life or death situation.

8,679 words AO3

The Simplest of Plans

Lance is badly hurt, he needs to get a message to his team to let them know that he and Blue are down but how can he get to his communicator when he is in so much pain?

5,600 words AO3

Reach out for you (break these walls)

Keith is trying to make himself smaller, to bury his head deeper in his knees, and Lance’s heart freezes in his chest. Anger dissipating like an exploded firework, Lance lets his hand fall limply to his side, mind blurring with static. When he tries to speak, nothing comes out but a choked noise, so he tries again.

“Keith,” he breathes. “Keith I’m not going to hurt you.”

9,139 words AO3

Leave Me Alone (don't leave me alone)

Lance groans in pain, holding his injuries.He thinks he'll black out from the impacts but it's not before he feels time melt; the way it always does when he knows something's gone horribly wrong.That's when he starts to feel hot.His head is burning with a throb that lets him know how fast his heart is beating.His fingers feel hot for other reasons as they now clutch the skin between his ribs just above where the bottle first struck.The heat is liquid.It's thick.It's blood.

The paladins find out that most of Lance's scars aren't from battles against the Galra, but instead from the battles he fought before Voltron.

4,705 words AO3

torn wires

When Lance falls apart after a devastating mission, the team has to try and pull the pieces back together.

14250 words AO3

Heroism Gets You Killed

Five times Lance McClain recklessly risked his life to prove his worth to his teammates, and one time they showed him he had nothing to prove.

15,428 words AO3

What Keeps Him Whole

Lance struggles in space. He knows that he is doing good by being part of the Voltron team, but everything is just constantly moving, difficult, and unrelenting. He's tired. He doesn't know what's keeping him going anymore.

6,398 words AO3

his own worth

In the middle of the conversation, Lance stops talking and no one notices. It’s not like he had been leading the conversation, for he hadn’t been, but somehow the fact that his lack of input or opinion isn’t noticed tightens the grip loneliness has on his heart. He looks down at his food, his face burning, his throat tightening up.

6,270 words AO3

The Skies Are Black But Our Hearts Are Made of Gold

Lance knows for sure Keith doesn't like him. Not as a friend, nor family, and definitely not as a life long partner.

He's content that he's at least dying with knowledge of that.

So he watches Keith's mercilessly sword fall upon the gang of soldiers, leaving a blood bath in his wake.

He thinks he's beginning to understand why Keith hates him so much.

He doesn't want to deal with a mess like this.

A mess Lance left behind.

5,495 words AO3

Silence Speaks Louder

He still turns up for meals and training and annoying people every once in a while, but he's more subdued, from tiredness, he's less talkative, from lack of wanting to, and he's better at training, due to training an extra three hours a night sometimes.

Lance becomes more and more depressed as the weeks go on, but nobody mentions it, they don't even seem to notice aside from the fact his obnoxious personality has taken a backseat as Lance isolates himself.

5,325 words AO3

I'm With You

Lance pinned the whole mission down to four huge missteps:The first was in sending Keith with him.

6,372 words AO3

we'll make it, you and me

"Keith, if we make it out of this alive, I'm going to kiss you."

6,421 words AO3

Leaving For Good (Letters from Lance)

"Dear Paladins of Voltron (and Coran),

If you're reading this, then that means you've forced your way into my bedroom and discovered that I'm no longer in it. It means that you found my computer, and noticed that I left something behind for you. I'm sorry that I couldn't leave something bigger, better, worth your time and effort, but I'm not very good in that area. I don't know how to be... enough."

15,694 words AO3

Why don't you see me?

When Lance was a little boy, he was never noticed. He was invisible. So lance made up a game! It usually went like this: “Mom, (insert utterly ridiculous statement here), goodbye!” “Ok honey, be careful.” And then silence It went on like that for years, at least until he was accepted into the Garrison at the age of 14. The Cuban got his 15 minutes of fame, and then he was sent off. Now, Lance finds the same things happening, so he changes the rules just a bit to make things a bit more…. Physical.

6,183 words AO3

Inessential

“Gotcha,” Lance breathed as he hit the target dead center. He wasn’t called their sharpshooter for nothing and he aimed to keep that title.

He took another deep breath, closing one eye and lining up to hit the next target when a sharp, stabbing pain erupted in his gut, knocking the wind out of him and causing him to fire off to the side, missing it completely.

6,088 words AO3

A/B/O

Vigil

Omega's aren't an impossible puzzle but they treat him like one.

6,512 words AO3

Modern

(I'm Not) Better Off Without You

(Series not completed 9,952 words 2 works)

“So you think I deserve to be happy?”

“Yes! Lance, that’s all I want for you.”

“Then why did you break up with me?”

“I told you, I-”

“Because you made me so happy, Keith. You made me the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. I didn’t care that you didn’t want to cuddle a lot or talk about sappy shit. I didn’t care that you didn’t like pda. All I cared about was being able to just be with you.”

5,936 words AO3

Hurry up and come back

“I like you”

This isn’t how Keith planned on spending his Friday night, chilling in on a couch playing Mario Cart with one of his closest friends. Not like this, with Lance’s face beet red and looking at him straight in the eyes..

Looking for... Something. He don’t know what. But it’s something he can’t give.

17,147 words AO3

Just a Joke

“I think I’m going to kill myself,” he announced. “I know that finals are a stressful time, but that doesn’t mean you should joke about something like that,” Shiro scolded mildly.

Lance’s chest tightened and he forced a smile.

"Yeah, you're right. Poor joke."

6,937 words AO3

Happier

Lance can't just stay and watch Keith move on. It's selfish, he knows, but he isn't strong enough to stay. Solitude doesn't hold anymore charms for Keith now, not since Lance. And especially not since their break-up but why can't he find someone who wants him back? What does it take to be happier?

14,082 words AO3

Panic Attack

Keith made sure Lance didn’t know how much of a difference he made in his life. Lance didn’t need to know that he was the only thing that made Keith happy, he didn’t need to know that the days they had class together were always his favorites, he didn’t need to know Lance made him feel like he could finally be better, be normal, for once. No, Lance didn’t need that presure. But then one day Keith goes to class and Lance completely ignores him, and maybe he should have told him after all.

Lance was having a hard enough time in English without being distracted by the gorgeous boy sitting next to him. Keith. Smart, shy, but still completely badass. And Lance had it bad for him. When he starts failing the class Lance decides he needs to pay more attention to Professor Coran instead of Mr. Mullet Man. After all what could go wrong, he would pay attention to him again after he started passing. Right?

5,988 words AO3

Of Heroes and Hellfire

It started with a house fire.

Which, admittedly, made things sound a hell of a lot more dramatic then they actually were. Lance had seen plenty of house fires these past few months.

He was a firefighter, after all.

But then again, the fire wasn't the part that was out of the ordinary. That was Keith, or what he learned the name of the infuriating yet attractive policeman at the scene was.

Because that was the first time they met.

Lance wanted to save people, so he became a firefighter. Keith wanted to save people, so he became a police officer. This is the story of how they fall in love.

12,329 words AO3

Hold on, please

“Shut up. It’s still me hanging out with Plax and the term ‘date’ was implied,” Lance bragged, “so, help me choose an outfit.”

Keith stomach did an uncomfortable flip when Plaxum’s nickname was dropped into the conversation.

Or: Keith has a crush on Lance and suddenly his world is falling apart when he hears Lance has a date.

6,940 words AO3

Icky (this fic made my face look dumb)

A little bit of pining in their life

A little bit of sickness by his side

A little bit of happiness is what they need

A little bit of depression is what I see

A little bit of angst in the sun

A little bit of crying all night long

A little bit of comfort there he is

A little bit of you that makes me your man

Fic in which Lance McClain goes to a coffee shop everyday and Keith Kogane falls harder with each visit.

Lance has some really bad allergies.

8284 words AO3

#klance #klangst #angst #langst #vld #fanfic #fanfic list #lance mcclain #keith kogane #voltron #my list

3K notes · View notes

brightsun-and-darkmidnight · 5 years

Text

Heartbeat: A Fragile Reminder

TITLE: Heartbeat: A Fragile Reminder

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 17 / ?

AUTHOR: brightsun-and-dark midnight

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki falling in love with a Midgardian and his words to Thor about Jane during Dark World coming back to haunt him. “It would be a heartbeat. You would never be ready.”

RATING: M for Mature

NOTES/WARNINGS: ~▪︎~FOR THE WHOLE STORY~▪︎~

AUTHOR’S NOTES: Check Masterlist. It’s going to be a long read. I try to keep each chapter around 3,000 words.

My Ao3: brightsun_and_darkmidnight

!-!TRIGGER WARNING(S)!-!

So many triggers, read ALL of them!

Swearing. Angst. Death. Depression. Violence. Self-harm. Regret. Carelessness for safety. Doubts. Torture. NSFW. Smut. Fluff. And Of Course- Mischief.

Summary: Mock interview and spar

~ ~ ENJOY ~ ~

Everyone was seated around a huge table with full stomachs. Loki was right when he said he could eat 10 times as much as what she gave him.

“Let’s go through some press questions. Have you ever been interviewed before?” Tony said wiping his hands.

“I’ve been interrogated,” Alicia said wiping her mouth, watching the Asgardians eating. Loki glancing in her direction made her give him a small smile.

“This is different. It is going to be live, in front of everyone.” Natasha said leaning forward on crossed arms. “Annoying..Embarrassing most of the time. Personal.”

“What is your biggest regret?” Tony asked.

They were starting now…Alicia thought about it for a second. She was going to be vague as if she was interrogated, “I have many but they were all lessons.”

“What do you think about the past?”

“It’s something to learn from and it shows we have a future.”

“Do you think children are the future?”

That was such a common question, “Of course. They inherit everything we leave behind.”

“Do you want children.”

Alicia choked on nothing and then cleared her throat quickly, “Is that a serious question?”

“Most of us were asked that at some point.” Natasha stated at her question. She rose an eyebrow with a smirk in place, “Plan on having children?”

“Uhhh…” Alicia found the ceiling very interesting as she leaned back thinking about talks with the red headed woman. “Biological is fine if it happens but I’d rather give a home to children that are already living and needs it.”

Thor asked quickly with a mouth full of food, “Children?”

Alicia felt the heat rise from her chest up to her forehead, especially on her cheeks and ears. Alicia didn’t look at Loki but continued answering honestly, “I grew up having a sister all my life so I would want my children to have siblings.”

Tony leaned forward, “how many siblings we talking here?”

Alicia shrugged with her hands out looking at Tony with a poorly hidden smirk, “I don’t know. I mean the Avengers tower still has a lot of unused rooms and we need the next generation of heroes."

Loki chuckled. Alicia’s confidence was back as she teased Tony.

"Nope no no nononono. Absolutely no little Loki’s running around my tower.”

Alicia was trying to hide her laugh by biting her lip and covering her nose and mouth. She took a deep breath and pointed to her arm, “I have birth control.”

“Those antibiotics though.” Clint shook his head with a huge smile.

Tony pointed at everyone. “If she gets sick they are in totally different states.”

“Ok. Wait. What does birth control and sickness have to do with pregnancy?” Steve asked.

“Antibiotics make birth control less effective.” Alicia smirked and sat up straight, “Children are not exactly in my future plans. With the targets on my head I’d hate to bring children into my life.” She moved to gather Loki’s plate.

“There are workers that will handle cleaning up kid. Everyone go get ready for training. I’ll have a mock reporter here tomorrow.” Tony said seeing what she was doing.

Alicia said a quiet, “oh.” Then continued to put scraps onto one plate, placing the other underneath placing the silverware in a pile beside the plates.

Loki’s hand was on Alicia’s shoulder, “come on love.” He took her hand and urged her to stand, “no one else does that.”

“Doesn’t mean I’m wrong.” Alicia mumbled. “I clean up after myself all the time.”

“You are going to have to get used to so many new things,” Loki chuckled into her ear.

“If one of those are having access to you more..sign me up.”

Loki laughed and pulled her into her room, he pushed her to the wall, “how about now,” kicking the door shut.

Alicia laughed, “we will be late for sure.” She gasped as they were both naked and she felt his already aroused flesh against her.

Loki moved to capture her lips.

Too soon after their lips met she jumped at the loud banging on the door.

“Brother you know she is needed the most for these training exercises. Surely you’ve had your needs satisfied.”

Alicia giggled after Loki’s deep rumble on his chest. She kissed his lips quickly then went to her closet. She chose one of her work out jogging outfits. With a sports bra, appropriate for wearing in front of everyone. She zipped up her hoodie and walked outside to see Thor and Loki communicating, with tension.

“I’m glad you have someone you seem happy with and for your needs but you can’t have her being late due to those needs.”

Alicia chuckled pulling her hair up. “Thor is right Loki.” She turned her back to Thor and whispered in Loki’s ear. “I’ll be sure to take care of those needs later.”

Loki grinned and replied in his normal volume. “I’m going to hold you to that.”

Alicia laughed and gave his arm and hand a little squeeze before parting from him. “Well let’s go.”

Thor lead the way to the training room. Not everyone was there yet. Thank goodness for Alicia’s sake.

“First warm up and then we will do a bit of mock battles.” Thor said as Valkyrie walked off to start exercises.

Alicia looked around. She saw Peter doing some crunches on a section of empty floor. She walked over and asked if he minded. Joining him when he didn’t. She did some strength exercises with him. Then went into yoga, instructing the boy how to do some poses.

“Wow my back feels so good. Thank you Miss..?.”

“Just Alicia. No problem Peter. We can do this again if you wish.”

“Ok.” Tony said clapping his hands. “Sparing time.”

Alicia eased out of the one legged pose while Peter hurried out and nearly fell. “In the ring?”

“Yeah Mr. Stark thinks it is a good way of keeping the opponent in a close range.”

Alicia hummed an agreement but followed the kid to the outside.

“Your in the ring Alicia.” Steve said pointing at it.

After getting to the center, Alicia put her feet shoulder width apart and clasped her hands together behind her back. Watching as Tony and Steve talked.

“Black widow.”

Loki was watching Natasha as she got in the circle. The two women eyed each other, obviously looking for weaknesses. Natasha moved forward and Alicia moved away, not letting Natasha reach her. So his darling already knew Natasha’s specialty was grappling. Then Alicia moved forward just as fast.

Her movements resembled a rapid river. Once she was caught by Natasha she twisted or yanked out of the grip. Then Natasha grabbed Alicia’s hand and elbow forcing her on to the ground and pinning her in a hold that would easily break her arm. Alicia’s groan was not a pleasant thing to hear.

“Give up.”

Alicia laughed, “this would be a perfect chance to practice healin-” and then Alicia hissed in pain as Natasha pushed on her elbow. “Okay okay. Mercy.”

Natasha let go and patted Alicia.

“Back to the center Alicia.” Steve said.

Alicia got up and went to the center as Natasha went beside Clint. “She lasted longer.”

Clint nodded, “I noticed that. Still stubborn as hell.”

Valkyrie was called and stepped towards her. “She seems like a good match.”

Alicia was challenged by Valkyrie and Loki felt his heart sink and do summersaults. He heard Alicia say, “Don’t hold back.”

Valkyrie’s mouth formed the words. “I won’t.”

Instantly they exchanged attempted blows but they were caught, redirected, and dodged.

Bruce’s amazement was easily heard in his voice. “She’s actually keeping up with Valkyrie? But Nat…”

Loki’s heart dropped at seeing Valkyrie getting her daggers out.

Alicia’s hand chopped at Valkyrie’s wrist forcing her to drop the dagger. Alicia threw herself backwards into a back handspring as she dodged a front stab at her chest. Her one foot was brought up quickly and almost connected with Valkyrie’s chin. The other foot kicked Valkyrie’s wrist, making the dagger fly into the air. Valkyrie stood back and as soon as Alicia’s feet hit the ground they stood there.

The clink and clank of the dagger hitting the floor.

Valkyrie was breathing in a controlled and heavy way. Alicia was panting and pouring sweat down her body.

A smile slowly crept onto Valkyrie’s face as they stood in casual poses. Valkyrie pointed at Alicia, “You’re good.”

Alicia wiped sweat from her forehead, “You too.” Alicia grabbed one of the daggers on her way to the others. She held the handle to Valkyrie as she held the blade.

Valkyrie took them and put them away as they walked towards the rest.

Alicia took a look at her arms and knew there would be bruises.

Her eyes met Loki’s. He looked amused and Alicia smiled.

“How long have you been training?” Valkyrie asked getting Alicia’s attention.

“Since I was 5.” Alicia healed her arms. “You held back. You Asgardians are ridiculously strong I know you could have easily broken bones.”

Loki held a water in front of her face, “Take a few minutes Alicia.”

Alicia grabbed the water with a glare at it, “I don’t have a choice?”

“No.”

Then Steve was telling Natasha and Peter to get in the ring. Alicia drank the water slowly and dabbed herself with the towel. She gripped the hoodie and pulled and pushed it to her air flow through it. She was still hot when Steve yelled Thor’s name then, “Alicia. Let’s see you use more of your magic.”

Alicia hesitated but consented as she stood.

“Magic? Why not Loki? Surely he could test her better than me.” Thor protests, “It would be a great way to test their skills together!”

Loki watched Alicia. Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked at Thor then at Loki. She looked concerned. Loki stepped into the ring when called. “Don’t hold back Darling.”

Alicia looked at him with worried eyes, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Then it’s a good way to practice that healing magic if yours.” Loki conjured a dagger for himself then a staff for her. “It is very soothing.”

“You can’t be serious. We have never gone against the other.”

Loki walked to Alicia and gave her the staff and whispered, “you’ll be alright love.” Loki stood back, “you start.”

Alicia looked very unsure but swung the staff at Loki’s side. His forearm took the blow as his other hand swiped at her with the dagger. She backed away. “If you do not try to kill me you will lose,” Loki spoke up stepping toward Alicia.

“Then are you going to do the same?”

“Of course not.”

Alicia huffed as she swung at Loki.

“That was not to kill darling.”

Alicia kept her head level and clear despite the taunting. Alicia took a swing at Loki’s head, spun a quarter with it pulled backwards then jabbed the staff towards Loki’s chest. She then swung the other end towards the other side of Loki’s head after the staff connected with his chest. His forearm stopped the blow to his head though.

Loki taunted her, “Is that all the strength you have?”

Then Alicia kicked his chest with enough force to knock him back two steps. She swung the staff at him again but this time it hurt his side as he groaned.

Loki swung his dagger at her and she lifted the staff with quick speed. Forcing Loki to disarm himself because his wrist connected with the staff. He also saw the glimmer of white after the hit. Alicia stumbled a bit as she turned her back to him. Loki moved backwards as he left a doppelganger behind and he cloaked himself in invisibility. Loki’s double moved out of her reach each time she attempted a strike. Loki easily admitted she had skills before he trained her and now he noticed the improvements.

It needed work though. Loki observed her getting tired with sweat forming on her face and the armature control of her breaths. He stepped behind her. Revealing himself as he captured her in his arms. He felt her move to get out of his grasp. With his arm around her chest, a dagger showed with a shine of gold. Loki purred into her ear, “I win Darling. But how long have you known it was not actually me?”

Alicia was allowed free and panted. “When you didn’t let me hit you for a while. My enhanced smell knew you were not actually in front of me.” Alicia was so hot. She walked with Loki to the others. She allowed herself to slide down the wall as she tried to regain her breath. She unzipped the jacket and fanned herself. Loki handed her a water bottle. Obviously conjured since he did not leave her side.

“Kid you ok?”

Alicia wiped her hand across her mouth after drinking a quarter of the ice cold water, “Yeah.” Alicia continued, “for my enhancement… makes me burn up. I don’t use it that often.” She took the towel offered by Bruce then dabbed at herself. Placing the cold water bottle against her in various spots, “I’ll be alright.”

Loki authoritatively spoke up, “You are not allowing the magic to flow through you properly.”

Alicia snarled, “You told me not to hold back.” She wanted to yell more but she saw everyone’s face and stopped. Loki was unfazed at her outburst and she realized he was right. Alicia took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. It’s just being hot makes me irritable."

"We noticed,” Tony replied quickly. “I truly felt you were going to kill Loki five seconds ago.”

Steve sent a look at him, “Enough Tony. Everyone get refreshed. You especially Alicia. We will meet after dinner.”

Alicia nodded then pushed herself up and felt dizzy from just how hot she was.

Loki steadied her. “You really put too much stress on yourself trying to use that. I can feel your magic trying to organize itself again.”

Alicia just nodded her head and let Loki take most of her weight on the journey to her room.

Loki took her to the bathroom and started a bath after Alicia approved of the temperature. Loki left briefly to gather some casual, comfortable clothes for himself. When he came back, Alicia was already in the bath.

“Darling it’s not even full yet,” he laughed as he set his clothes on the sink counter. He undressed himself quickly at first then slowly as he watch Alicia take great interest in him. Once bare he got in the large tub and pulled her to be next to him. “This water is freezing.”

Alicia already turned, nibbling along his neck, “It’s like a swimming pool."

"I see you are feeling better?”

All he got was a hum and more caresses from her mouth.

“Let’s get washed first then you can satisfy our needs.”

Alicia’s laugh bubbled out of her. “Get clean to get dirty?”

Loki hummed as he turned to whisper against her lips, “we could always try again.”

Alicia grinned as he moved his lips against her. The familiar protesting click of the soap bottle then his hands easing her hair to a lather. Alicia tilted her head back slowly. As she regained her breath Loki was kissing along her jaw.

“Come darling,” Loki said pulling her to the center of the bath. He rinsed her hair by letting her lean against his leg. Her head in the water except her face. Her eyes closed with a smile gracing her lips. Loki took his time, especially massaging her head. He let her sit up when she did.

“You would have let me stay there.”

“You are right in that assumption.”

Her arms found their way around his neck, “you treat me like I’m some queen.”

Loki grazed his lips against her ear, “You are.”

Alicia pulled to look him in the eyes, “Loki… I don’t want to rule anything or anyone.” She smiled and poked where his heart was, “except this.”

Loki did not understand. Every woman dreamed of being a queen. “You really do not want that?”

Alicia shook her head slowly, side to side as she brushed her nose against his. “I do not.”

“I will give you everything you desire and a throne by my side is not what you want?”

She smiled as she stared into his eyes, “you know that answer but I will explain it. If I had nothing but you. I would be the happiest. I don’t need some silly chair to place myself. The ground is fine.”

“Thrones are not silly.”

“Don’t sound like some child.”

“I’m not a-” Alicia captured his lips moving to get on top of him. Loki moved to hold her still. “Child,” he chidded her. “You must let the mature ones finish.”

Alicia laughed, “so never let you talk?”

Loki pulled her flush against himself. “Would you be able to handle that? Not having me to talk to?”

Alicia groaned, starting to rub her sex against his. “I’d have to resort to talking to less intelligent people.”

“I also imagine you would last much longer before climax without my words.”

“And there it is, the deal breaker to you being silenced.”

It was Loki’s turn to grin, “I know how much you crave my words. My praise.” Loki maneuvered her to be beneath him, no longer letting their sexes touch. His hand trailing down her as she sighed in bliss. Then before his hand went between her legs he moved it to the small protruding hip bone. “I said we needed to get clean.”

Alicia opened her eyes slightly to glare at him.

He spoke as he lathered a cloth in body soap, “Don’t give me that look darling. What if someone would walk in and demand you again? I’m sure you would want to be clean.” Loki smirked at her, “now stand so you can get washed.”

Alicia uncrossed her arms and got close. Dragging her finger across his chest, “how about you just wash yourself at the same time and we can hurry to bed.”

A cheshire cat grin took control of his face, “so eager."

Alicia nodded. No words would form on her tongue. That grin did something to her. Not fear but made warmth in her core because she knew Loki would never do real harm to her.

"Well then. Wash yourself,” Loki said giving her the cloth and lathered another one and his own soap, conjured of course. “Do. Not. Miss a spot.”

Alicia stood with a grin while Loki stood as well. She tried to make fun of him, “Yes, sir.”

Loki made a sound. It was a hum? A growl? Nevertheless it was a praise and dosed the fire in her with gasoline. Alicia wanted to clean quickly but Loki showed no signs to hurry this process. Alicia washed herself slowly trying to showcase herself by running the cloth and her unoccupied hand along herself. It seemed Loki was doing the same thing but Alicia knew he didn’t even have to try. He was a masterpiece by just standing there. The bubbles of soap and water glistening on the pronounced parts of his body…just a bonus.

“I think we were thorough enough. You agree?”

“Too thorough.”

“Sit in the water. Shall we see where the soap ends and your arousal begins?”

#Heartbeat: A Fragile Reminder #chapter 17 #brightsun-and-darkmidnight #loki #check triggers #check description

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everydreamtilldawn · 5 years

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Endgame Thoughts *Spoilers obviously and a whole lot of venting*

OK Endgame, here we go! The absolute disrespect to the audience, the actors, the characters, and all the other creators who put so much work and care into building characters and stories for the other movies and shows which led up Infinity War and Endgame. The Russos are so far up their own asses with how good they think they are. I'm so done with their pure spoiler free excuses. Not letting actors know what scenes they're in, who they're with - wasting oscar winning actors on their own bloated egos insisting adults can't be trusted not to cause a PR scandal over their fanfic. Those assholes put themselves into the canon as "the first canon gay character". Oh, Mr. Unnamed Guy 32 is the first gay character out of all these hundreds of people on screen? Oh Mr. Russo well we all better get on our knees and kiss your gay dick in thanks then you ass faced worthless shit for brain. What a fucking insult. Who has the actual nerve? Who actually has an ego so big they don't actually see the lgbt community and their issues as something to take seriously within their narrative - its like their heads have been under a rock the past few years thinking of only their wonderful, unbeatable movie that they have no idea gay people are main characters now and have their own movies elsewhere in the world. We're not nameless, background characters you dicks. The fact that 10 years led up to this is like spitting in the face of your audience and telling them exactly how little you actually care about them except for their money. Every bit of Endgame highlighted and emphasized the flaws that was the monstrosity that was Infinity War. Starting there - I will never get over the fact that the end battle of Endgame so clearly shows how awful the previous movie was. I think I've told you all the problems I have with IW before but to emphasize again - the "we don't trade lives" concept is still something I'm furious over. The fact that grand old captain america wasn't willing to kill Vision for the UNIVERSE but was ok with a few hundred Wakandan's dying for Vision to maybe live? Bullshit. AND that final battle? WTF so we're supposed to believe that in the... five?... ten minutes? after being snapped back to life all those people got off their asses? I can't even. They expect us to believe that when you put all those geniuses, warriors, battle proven tacticions, strategists and spies in a room that they still make all those obvious mistakes when they know the UNIVERSE is at stake? Where was that army of sorcerers in battle one? Why did Wong or whatever his name is really HAVE to protect that one sanctum even knowing the fate of the UNIVERSE was at stake? They had hours to plan. HOURS. If not days?!?!?!?!?! They went to different countries, they had time to sit and plan. They had time to call in the world's resources to prepare, to gather armies. Instead they fought with Wakanda and a handful of superheroes - why??? They literally knew the stakes, the only reason they didn't have the huge army battle scene in Infinity War is because Marvel wanted another movie. They wanted to make billions on Endgame cause they knew audiences would come back if they shock value killed half the universe and then brought them back for battle two but uhhhhhhh.... On your left was a great badass scene and all. But they had max like ten minutes to gather forces who legit just came back to life. Who sent out that distress call btw? Why did all these people NOW have a plan of attack and were gathered in preparation to fight?

Was it badass? Was the shot of Captain America alone against an entire army not iconic? OF COURSE. I loved that scene. I loved the women gathering around Peter and racing to fight against the army as one. It was legendary. There were some really funny, badass, and wonderful moments. But it was a bad story. It was bad writing. Working my way down from character murders that least upset me to most. Black Widow. She finally came to life in this movie. She was a leader, she had emotions, she was more than a catsuit, a sexy smile and a witty comment. I adored her. I despise her death. I hated that in the end she was still another pretty face lying sexily at the bottom of a pit for the life and will of a man. I’m half okay with her death, because it was almost justified. In this story where she was finally a fully-fledged and fleshed out person – she had wants and goals and those centered around protecting her family. The character she was in this movie didn’t even begin to exist until Endgame and it’s a tragedy that she was murdered before she even reached her full potential. But she did want to sacrifice herself so the universe could live again. She wanted Clint to go back to his family. She wanted to give her life for the only thing she loved. BUT Clint was the true perfect mirror for this narrative. Thanos sacrificing Gamora will never be okay. Gamora said it herself – that wasn’t love. That was glorifying abuse. Thanos never should have been given the soul stone under the ridiculous and unclear rules of the soul stone. Honestly, I’d believe Red Skull is just fucking with everybody at this point with how ridiculous those rules are. No way is what Thanos did love. I will come back to the Russos glorifying and being okay with child abusers when I get to Tony and his father. Clint would have been the mirror to Thanos in that moment. Instead of a father killing his daughter, it would have been a father dying for his daughter. His relationship to his daughter is even highlighted at the start of the movie and in his time travel moment. Clint hated who he’d become, he was ready and willing to sacrifice himself for his family and at that point he deserved it. As shown later with Tony – the theme of fathers sacrificing themselves is a relevant theme. So why Natasha in that moment. Why not the father? Why not the narrative mirror? Why the only woman on the team, the one who has grown to be a real person in the narrative and one who is now LITERALLY IMPORTANT TO THE STRUCTURE OF THE WHOLE WORLD AND THE UNIVERSE? She became the leader of the Avengers and expanded their reach across galaxies by communicating and coordinating with Rocket, Nebula, and Carol. She had a world to rebuild by coming home. It’s not like they’re going to give Clint his own redemption movie where he makes up for his half assed arc to becoming his Ronin character arc. I’m half okay with it, but I also think it was the completely wrong choice of which character to sacrifice.

THOR. The insult to Taika Waititi. The insult to Thor, Thor: the Dark World, and Thor: Ragnarok. The insult to Thor the character. Hell, the reversal on Thor -2.0 from Infinity War. Years of movies, years of work building this character. Them saying that not only does Thor, who finally learned to be the God of Thunder without his hammer, who took up Odin’s role and finally accepted his place as King, needed to be.... fixed?!?!?! They gave him back his eye for starters which reverses the whole meaning of him losing it in the first place. Of assuming the role of Odin, of King, of being Thor. Then they give him the axe and then the HAMMER. Thor moved on. Thor accepted himself. Thor in Ragnarok is proven to be stronger without the hammer than he was with it. Giving him the axe, making him obsessed with getting his hammer back, reverses three movie of character development. AND THEN. Making him FAT. Making him STUPID. Making him threaten children, abandon his people, abandon his duty, fall into a depression completely unlike his character who is a hardened warrior with deep emotional depth and understanding – a fucking soft hearted genius in his own right who was able to easily give forgiveness to Gamora and understanding that being the daughter of an abusive monster isn’t her fault. They have the audacity to spend a whole movie making fat jokes about him and decide to reverse him back ten year’s worth of character development. Oh hardy har, we’re such good writers. We understand posttraumatic stress and the mindset of heroes – look he’s drinking beer, and an alcoholic, and eat a salad you fat fucks. WTF. It wasn’t funny. It was mean. It was unnecessary. It was out of character like the Russos came up with it high on crack and refused to let it go. Thank god Chris H is a good enough actor not to show how insulting it must have been to have his character be paraded around in bad cgi and treated like he’s an idiot. Did the Russos not watch the other movies in the canon? Did they not care that Thor had become this deeply complex character who loved his people, would do anything for them, was ready to be King and lead – NO I guess they just don’t care. Like everyone who sat on their asses during the battle in Wakanda. It would have been amazing for Thor to have gone back in time to see his mother as the true and worthy King at last, if his final arc had been around idk his apprehension at how to lead his people after failing them, after them dying down to a few hundred. Having everything he could have been overshadowed by the Russos need for a running joke the entire movie is so very insulting. It shows just how little they think of the audience’s intelligence.

CAPTAIN AMERICA. The insult to women’s agency. I truly at this point think the Russos are lying fucks who have no respect for women. They’re sexists assholes. The insult to the entire team of Agent Carter. The insult to Peggy fucking Carter, the most badass woman who built herself up, who built Shield, who moved on, who had a life, a husband, children, who died in peace and was put to rest. Nope. Forget about everything she did. The Russos plot line is more important. Steve Rogers started out the movie saying how important it was to move on, and what does he do? Not move on. Lets highlight the insult that throwing in “the first gay character” is when facing the cowardice of switching Steve Rogers from being so obsessed with protecting Bucky Barnes that he threw away the shield, became a fugitive, and left the family and team he’d built in the future to chase after Peggy Carter who he HAD MOVED ON FROM. He kissed that one random blonde girl he had no chemistry with. He said goodbye and buried Peggy. Peggy had a life, she was happy. Did she miss Steve? Was she sad he “died”? Yeah. But now she doesn’t get a choice between the future she could have had and the one where Steve buts in and I guess Bruce didn’t have a discussion with Steve about splitting the path of time into multiple realities cause the Russos decided to fuck their own established logic and leave Steve in a new version of the past – where almost all the infinity stones are returned in their non-original forms, loki is fucking off with the tesseract and Thanos/his entire army/and Gamora are all in the wrong time never to forge the original war in the first place? They didn’t put a single scene between Steve and Bucky reconciling the past few years, Bucky’s dusting or the fact Steve was gonna go and never come back after ALL THAT. After Winter Soldier and Civil War, Steve said fuck Bucky, fuck the avengers, fuck this future that doesn’t have Iron Man, I want to go dance with a woman who HAD A LIFE WITHOUT YOU YOU ASSHOLE. I was touched by the old man Steve returning to give Sam the shield. I thought it was wonderful, I cried a little. But what about Peggy? What about the timeline? What about the rules????? Fuck it, there’s a gay character now and Thor is fat, the rules don’t matter anymore I guess.

Tony Stark.... deserved better. He is the true, real hero. The only hero. I don’t care about anyone else. Excluding his own 3 movies and Homecoming, Tony’s character was done so wrong in the Avengers movies by the writers, the audience and the other characters. So many people wrote him off as the person he pretended to be instead of the person he was. They saw selfishness and ego instead of the amount of sacrifice, the effort he gave into making the world a better place. He was such a good person. He grew so much. He gave his life for a world that never loved him, but that he never stopped loving. Natasha and Tony were the only people with something left to lose, but they were the ones who sacrificed themselves for a cold, uncaring universe and they deserved better. Tony finally had everything he never thought he would deserve – a wife, a daughter, a peaceful life at rest. All his wars were finished. He had everything to lose and he went into the endgame with the one condition that he would not give up what he had gained. And still they killed him. It was the only acceptable death for a hero like Tony Stark, but that doesn’t mean he deserved it. That doesn’t mean his daughter grows up without her father. That doesn’t mean its okay for that abusive, negligent asshole that was Howard Stark to get a last hoorah and be “redeemed” by a final conversation with his son. No. Tony had multiple arc, multiple points in his life where he had to rise above Howard and all that Howard stood for, all the ways Howard had hurt him and held him back. He was better than his father – going to be a better father than his father. Thanos and Howard will never, ever be men who should be looked upon as having loved their children enough for them to die in exchange for the greater good. It was so very satisfying for Tony to finally have it out at Steve for everything and I wish that scene had been longer. Tony deserved to live.

Final points. The timeline stuff, again, was bs. They insisted on not messing it up and still they messed up everything. The greater implications of all that is... astoundingly idiotic. Along with, why not just have Tony’s life ending snap send Thanos right back to the past along with the infinity stones to their rightful places and memories erased? If the infinity stones can do anything, such as kill half the universe, why not correct the flaws of the plot? I thought it was stupid that the only reason the time heist failed was because Nebula didn’t think about mind melding with her past self. The fact that’s even a thing... that happened. Really. The whole movie shouldn’t have existed let alone be three hours. They set such a great tone with the opening scene. It was tragic and heart wrenching and then seeing Natasha finally realized and the world broken. I can forgive dues-rat-machina bring Scott back cause I love Scott, but the time heist threw out all the tension. I didn’t feel the stakes, I felt like they stepped sideways into a whole different genre. That middle plot didn’t feel like a movie worth ending an era on. It felt cheesy and underdeveloped. Again – they had forever to plan. There was no time limit pushing them to go to the past immediately. They could have taken the time to think this out, cover every possible option – and they did. They’re shown doing that. So how, for the second time in these two movies, do these brilliant geniuses, tacticians and strategists believably fail to predict the outcome. And uhhhhhh did snapping all those people back account for the post snap casualties? Cause we saw helicopters flying into buildings, cars crashing, we were told that wars broke out and people went kinda crazy as they had a right to. The snap resulted in post snap causalities by the billions across the universe – had to have. So did all those people come back? What happens to the people who moved on and now have a 5 years younger mother/father/sister/brother/friend/loved one/wife/husband/etc to deal with who just blinked and suddenly half the people they care about are now five years older and the whole world is different? The sheer amount of housing and food crises that are about to begin post “snap 2: the snappening” are insane. And I get that its no fun to think about that in the fun of a big super hero battle and all that. But next movie will probably have zero mention of all that as shown by Peter’s entire class just moseying along on a European vacation in the next Spiderman. So Peter’s entire class got snapped, came back, and went on with their lives? The rest of the world’s infrastructure repaired itself in the time frame of Peter still being in High School? Yeah, right. But still – the fact that there’s an hour and a half of the movie that pauses all the tension and drama to be a comedy is just... whatever fine. It was funny. It was kinda cool, but it didn’t belong and it wasn’t necessary. Ok, I think I’m done.

#Avengers #Marvel #endgame spoilers #avengers endgame spoilers #avengers endgame #tony stark #natasha romanoff #thor #language warning #I say a lot of bad words and unkind things kiddo #you've been warned #Its been a few days and I'm still filled with rage #I did like a lot of parts of the movie #but I also hated a lot of the movie

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tommyquackson · 6 years

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Unusual |S. Stan|

summary: seb is a secret vampire

warnings: biting, cussing, a little bit of boood and drinking

notes: i don’t know man, it just popped in my head

Not My Photo but I did edit it :)))

Something about this frat party made you unbelievably unnerved, but you knew you deserved a night out after weeks of exams and essays and all-nighters. So you push through the uneasiness and go to the kitchen where there’s so many different drink choices it warms your skin. You grab a wine cooler and move towards the living room where people are sitting and talking. You sit near a girl you shared a class with and begin chatting. The loud music vibrates your bones and probably your brain too, but it somehow becomes comforting. You haven’t partied in a month and you were known for keeping parties live.

“Hey ladies, hows everything going for ya tonight?” A voice breaks you out of your talk with whatever her name is. You look up and see Sebastian Stan, Frat President and local FuckBoy™️. His hair gets darker the more you see him (which is quite a lot now that you think about it) and his eyes are steel blue, which almost blends in with his scarily pale skin.

The girl you were with, bites her lip and begins playing Sebastians game, entertaining him on how much fun she’s having and how the frat out does themselves every time. You look down and realize your wine cooler is almost empty so you chug the rest and move back towards the kitchen. You decide on something a little heavier so you can really get crazy tonight. Once you open your drink, a group of people call your name and wave you over.

“Y/n! Let’s play beer pong, you’re our female champion, and we’ve got a challenger.” Your friend Zach says wrapping his arm around your shoulder.

“I’m the Champion over everyone, Zach. Who’s our challenger?” You speak laughing. You look across the white foldable table and see Sebastian with a blonde girl from your English class.

You smirk and quickly pass your drink to some kid Drake, but not before taking a couple gulps. You roll your shoulders and neck and crack your knuckles. Sebastian goes first and makes it into one of the cups. You pick it up and quickly chug it down. The girl goes next and misses by a little bit, it was pure luck she was even that close, her form is off and she has no aiming technique. You go next and sink the ball into one of the back cups. Seb looks impressed and chugs the beer while looking at you, his eyes are much darker than before, Black almost. Zach goes and makes it in another cup. After several rounds and Zach and Sebastians girl quitting, you’re down to two more cups, one on each side. You’re both fairly drunk but you try not to let it effect your gaming skills.

“Getting tipsy little y/n?” That prick laughs over the table.

“You wish little Seb” You wink back at him. You take your shot and make it perfectly in the cup, cheering along with everyone who became invested in the competitive game.

“Congrats babe, what do you want as your prize?” He toys, biting his lip.

“I think the stupid look on your face when I made it, is prize enough Mr President” You speak moving away from the table. You migrate to the dance floor and begin dancing with a couple friends. You feel someone slide in behind you, lightly grabbing your waist. You know turn your head and see a mess of black hair and immediately know who it is. You decide not to say anything but you keep dancing, occasionally grinding on Sebastian.

“Come with me” He growls in your ear, grabbing you wrist and pushing through the crowd and upstairs.

“Do I get to see your office? Or do you take all your girls there?” You speak, words almost slurring together.

“Nah, they don’t usually make it this far. Only certain people get to see my room and even fewer my office” He turns and winks at me. Your heart skips when he does, not because he winked but because his eyes have changed again, to a deep red that scared you. You keep walking until he opens a large door and enters what, must be his Presidents office, fancy wood desks and plenty of plaques and pictures of the frat doing community work. You immediately fall into the plush sofa on the other side. He chuckles and pulls a water out of his mini-fridge and tosses it at you, before sitting next to you with his arm tossed around the back of the couch.

“So why am I so special that I get to come in here?” You speak moving closer to him. You set the water down on the floor and bring your hand up to play with the collar of his dress shirt, that had a couple buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. You look in his eyes which are a much brighter red.

“You’re special y/n. I can almost taste it” He leans down to your ear and kisses your neck. You whimper and move into his lap.

“Seb? Can I ask you a question?” You squeak playing with the hair in the nape of his neck. He just hums and keeps kissing and lightly biting your neck. “uhm, how or uh why are your eyes red?” You let out a yelp when he bites a little harder in one spot.

“That’s a secret babe, can’t have everyone knowing it. So if you want me to tell you, you gotta do a couple things for me. That sound fair?” He pulled his head up, smirking widely at you. You nod quickly at him.

“First, be my girl. Let me take you out, wear my President blazer, sleep in my bed sometimes, keep me company in my office, let me take care of you, all that good shit.” He says moving some of the hair out of your face.

“Is-is this a prank?” you ask quietly looking down at your laps.

“No pranks baby, i’m serious. I really like you but ive never known how to come up to you and just ask.” He speaks. You look in his eyes and he looks like he means it and Sebs a pretty honest guy, so why not trust him now?

“I’d like to be your girlfriend very much.” You say biting your lip, in a desperate attempt to stop the heat spreading to your face.

“Perfect darling. Ok second thing, you gotta promise not to tell anyone, or it won’t end well for either of us.” His voice gets low and threatening. You nod again. “No y/n. I need to hear you say it”

“I promise Sebastian” You speak offering him your pinky finger, he grins and takes it before kissing you. You kiss him back, almost forgetting that he still hasn’t told you why his eyes are red. You pull apart and look at him.

“So, you gonna tell me?” You move off his lap and cuddle into his side.

“Ok but I think i need to just show you first” He says smirking again. You just nod and wait again. He dips his head back into your neck and begins kissing.

“Seb wha-“

“Patience babydoll” He hisses. You feel him drag his tongue across a spot on your neck a couple of times. “You smell delicious baby” He speaks with a slight lisp. You feel his teeth drag across the place he was licking earlier. He nibbles a bit before fully biting you, and wrapping his arm around your waist you can’t move. Your neck hurts and you try moving but Seb is too strong and there’s nothing you can do, as he sucks hard.

He brings his head back up and licks his lips. You look and notice he has two teeth, much longer and sharper than the others. He has blood dribbling down his mouth and wipes it with his thumb. It was incredibly hot, but you’re more confused. You lift your fingers to your neck and look at your fingers, blood on the tips.

“What the fuck, sebastian?” You almost yell at him. “What the hell. You just fucking bit me” You accuse.

“I was actually drinking your blood” He says quietly.

“Why the ever living fuck, would you ever, fucking do that shit?” You ask putting pressure on your new wounds.

“Cause I’m a vampire.” He says standing up with you.

“Like an actually real vampire?” You squeak out. He sighs.

“Yes but it’s not all the extra shit like in books and stuff. I just drink blood like once a month and i’m strong and also for some reason my spit heals your neck and i apparently can’t die for a very long time so you know. That’s always a thing” He says putting his hands in his pockets. It’s crazy to see how much he changed from a confident fuckboy to nervous puppy on 5 minutes.

“Do you only want to date me cause I have yummy blood?” You ask pathetically.

“NO! Oh no. I mean yea you’re blood smells and tastes amazing, but no i actually like you for you.” He says grabbing your hands.

“Wow. I don’t know how or why I’m okay with this, but I am. Now can you please use your magic spit on my neck cause these bites kinda hurt.” You pout. He laughs and dips to lick your neck a couple times. When he looks at you smiling, the pain has disappeared and you can’t feel anything on your neck.

“So....do you sleep all day or some shit, like can you go into the sun? When’d you change? Are you dead?” You ask a million questions at once.

“I will answer all and more tomorrow, but for now. I say we head to my room and we can sleep or, we can not sleep” He smirks giving you a wink.

“Not sleep, lets definitely not sleep” You say as you walks you out of the office and down the hall.

#imagine #sebastian stan #seb stan #college!au #college!sebastian #sebastian stan imagine #writing

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byunskjm-blog · 6 years

Text

Changes (IV)

Genre: Angst, Fluff, CEO! AU, Idol! AU

Pairing: Junmyeon x Reader x Baekhyun

Length: 6k

Changes Masterlist

The sun was rising by the time you subdued your cries. You pulled yourself together and decided to take a shower and sleep. The hot water hit your back which sent a shiver through your body. What you were doing couldn’t be considered showering, you just stood under the shower head and let the water wash over your body. For once your mind was thoughtless as you stood there under the hot water that began to create steam. You turned off the water and stepped out.

It’s been a while since you wore your own pajamas. It was normal for you to sleep at Junmyeon’s and fall asleep in his clothes. The feeling was a bit weird at first but quickly you grew used to it and fell in bed. It may have been because you were awake for almost 24 hours or because today was hell on earth, but you found no trouble falling into a deep sleep.

The sound of your name being yelled throughout the apartment is what made you wake up from your slumber. It only felt like you had minutes of sleep but when you looked at the time you saw it was almost 4 in the afternoon, you had been sleeping for almost 10 hours.

Your attention was stolen when your bedroom door was opened, the person behind it was Sehun. He must’ve gotten back from Daegu, you weren’t really listening when he was talking about how long the trip would be, it was a surprise you remembered that he went to Daegu to begin with.

“Oh wow you’re actually home. Thought you would be at Mr. Rich’s house,” his tone proved that he was actually quite surprised to see you.

“Well get used to it because I don’t think i’ll ever be there again… at least not in this lifetime,” your voice was groggy from the obvious fact that you just woke up but your words threw Sehun for a loop. With an eyebrow raised he gave you a look that implied that you would need to fill him in, but did you want to? Even if he was your best friend did you have to recap that awful experience in your life?

You and Sehun had this weird thing where you didn’t even need to speak to communicate. That’s why when you gave him a look saying how much you didn’t want to talk about it. Sehun replied with, “Come on i’ll cook some food and you can tell me all about it.”

You were famished so you really didn’t want to turn down an offer to eat, especially if Sehun was cooking. But you had to maintain your facade of unwillingness so you groaned and rolled your eyes, reluctantly agreeing. You had the habit of watching Sehun while he was making food, to you it was like a live cooking show. Today he was making tteokbokki which was always one of your comfort foods. Sehun always played music while he was cooking so both him and you hummed to songs you knew of and when one of your favorites came on you would dance. The food was finished and you were practically salivating at this point.

As you guys ate you explained everything that happened yesterday. From Junmyeon getting some random girl pregnant to him showing up at 3 am. By the end of it Sehun felt like he had just experienced a drama in real life. He was pissed at Junmyeon and wanted to beat his ass for what he did but you both knew that wasn’t going to happen. Like best friends do he cheered you up and made you laugh.

“In all honesty I never liked him to begin with. He always radiated small dick energy.” Although it was a joke his tone was serious. You bursted into a fit of laughter and Sehun questioned if he was wrong or not. He continued on with his bizarre, hilarious jokes that made you laugh till it physically hurt. You were begging him to stop because you couldn’t take anymore. “Are you feeling better?” The question was serious and came from a place that Sehun never really showed.

“Much.” You were wiping away the tears that came from your non stop laughter.

“Good. From now on I only want to see those kinds of tears. Understand?” You nodded but couldn’t help but giggle at how much of a dad Sehun sounded like. Your body tensed up as you gave him an army salute and responded with, “Yes sir”. You were both such dorks but it was something that couldn’t be helped and it was something that bonded you together.

Because Sehun was the one to cook that meant you would be the one to clean up afterwards, which you really didn’t mind. You actually liked cleaning, it cleared your mind and allowed you to be as meticulous as you wanted. It wasn’t like you had OCD or anything, you just found cleaning as a stress reliever of sorts. You put on some of your favorite songs of the month and just began scrubbing away at the dirty dishes. It felt like not only were you cleaning the dishes but your soul and mind as well. You hummed along to “Worst of You” by Maisie Peters, a song that’s been stuck in your head for days. But it was interrupted when you got a call.

Quickly, you took off your gloves and moved to pick up your phone. You answered it right before it went to voicemail, “Hello?” You didn’t even check to see who it was before you answered.

“Hey” That voice, it was as sweet as honey. A smile crept up on your lips without even knowing it. “Hey Baek” Why did you feel warmth in your chest when you said his name? So many questions but you didn’t have any clue as to what the answers were.

“I got scared that you wouldn’t pick up.” It was followed by an awkward chuckle.

“Well you explicitly told me I couldn’t ignore any of your calls or texts,” you kept a playful tone with him but while also trying to let him know you’d always answer for him.

“Ah you remembered,” the nostalgia of last night hitting his memory. “Well I just called to ask if you perhaps wanted go get some coffee. I have some things I wanted to talk about with you.”

It was currently 5pm, people were getting off of work and the traffic was horrible. But that wasn’t your concern, your concern was what the hell Baekhyun wanted talk to you about? Did you unintentionally do something to make him mad? He didn’t sound mad, but what did he want from you so suddenly?

“Hello? You still there?” You were too consumed by your thoughts to remember he was on the other side of the line. You snapped back to reality and answered him, “Yeah just text me the address and I’ll meet you there.” You were braver than the US marines by accepting his request.

As you got ready you were preparing yourself for the worst. What if he was mad at you and hated you? You were infamous for over analyzing everything and that’s what you were doing right now, over analyzing his simple offer to coffee. By the time you got ready and stopped thinking like a mad man you realized if you didn’t leave now you would show up late. “Hun! I’ll be back later,” you screamed across the apartment trying to be a decent roommate and let him know of your absence. But it was no use he was probably in his room with his blaring headphones.

You grabbed your scarf and coat and ran out the door in a rush. Hailing a cab in Seoul was not an easy task but you somehow managed to pull it off. The ride to there was fairly short, short enough to only cost you a couple bucks. It somehow managed to start snowing on your ride over which caused you to run into the cafe as soon as you arrived. It was so cold to the point where you could see your breathe in the air. A nice cup of hot chocolate sounded so amazing that your mouth was drooling unintentionally.

When you stepped into the warmth that was the cafe, you were greeted with a wave from a man in a black peacoat, a black hat, and a facemask. You could tell from a mile away it was Baekhyun, his eyes gave it away. He was dressed like this because for one he was an idol out in public and two as said earlier it was freezing.

On your way over to the table you undid your scarf and took of your beanie that gave warmth to your ears. Just by your presence Baekhyun’s mood lifted by a million. His eye smile was showing brightly even under that cap and mask. It only made yours show as well.

“Mother nature never ceases to amaze me,” you said breathing warmth into your frozen hands.

Baekhyun caught onto the fact that you were cold and motioned for a waiter to come to the table so you could order a drink. You ordered a hot chocolate to fulfill your imagination. When you heard Baekhyun order his drink you noticed he didn’t order without you which for some reason made your heart lighter. The waiter got both orders and went behind the counter to place it.

“You are in very big trouble,” his voice got stern and your body went stiff. Your worst nightmare was becoming a reality. It wasn’t until you heard his feather-like laughter that you could finally breathe. “Relax it was a joke,” he continued to chuckle, enjoying how scared you got. You kicked his shin under the table, “Well it wasn’t funny.” No matter how much it hurt Baekhyun continued to laugh. “It was pretty funny to me.” Even though you couldn’t see his smile you knew it was being shown behind that mask.

Their drinks came shortly after and you were ready to revel in the chocolatey goodness that came with it. You had a weird habit of putting a pinch of salt in your hot chocolate. All your friends shamed you for it and Baekhyun was no different.

“Are you really putting SALT in your hot chocolate?!” He was shook to say the least and you just nodded your head. You have been through this talk enough times to know all the stages that would follow suit. “I like the sweet and salty effect,” you said before blowing on the hot liquid.

“I can’t believe I like a girl who puts salt in hot chocolate,” he mumbled under his breath but you still picked up on it and that comment made you choke on the sip you took. Baekhyun’s eyes went wide from all the coughing but you waved him off saying it was ok.

Were you hearing things? Of course he had to mean it in a friendly way right? RIGHT?! You were pulled from your thoughts when Baekhyun asked you once again if you were ok. You just nodded and said, “too hot”. You resumed sipping your drink hoping the awkwardness that just built up would die down. Being the person he was, Baekhyun broke it.

“So you’re probably curious as to why I asked you to come on such a short notice.” Those words made you put down your drink and look up at him. If he only knew how much time you spent agonizing over it. “Well after last nights occurrences I was thinking of a way I could get you to stick around, and being the genius idol I am, I found the perfect solution.” Baekhyun was never one to be humble when it came to his wits, looks, or ability to lighten up a room.

You crossed your arms over your chest and with a raised eyebrow, leaned back against your seat. “And what is this ‘perfect solution’ exactly?” You were genuinely curious as to what his answer would be.

“CBX is looking for a new manager and I think you would fill that spot flawlessly,” he got right to the point and it made you want to burst out laughing but you stopped yourself from doing so. ‘This has to be a joke?’ You thought to yourself but as you looked at him longer you started to realize it wasn’t. “Wait are you serious right now?” Suddenly your tone was serious and you were leaning against the table to make sure you heard his answer clearly.

“Of course I am. Seoksoon hyungnim put in his resignation a month ago. Him and his wife are moving to Gwangju.” Your eyes went wide at every word he spoke. You were always someone who managed yourself and others well so you felt you would excel in this. And you truly did love being around the boys, they always made you laugh and smile. But there was one thing stopping you from eagerly accepting this amazing offer. “Baekhyun this sounds absolutely amazing. But i’m not sure CEO Kim would want to see me back at SM,” your head was low as you spoke.

When you heard Baekhyun’s incredulous laugh you lifted her head. What was funny about this? Didn’t he want you to work with them? “You really thought I would offer you this opportunity without running it by Suho?” Your eyebrows were furrowed signalizing you was utterly confused. “I talked to him before I came here and he gave the all clear.”

That has to be the most shocking thing you heard all day. Suho really allowed you back in his company, not saying you did anything to deserve not to be there in the first place but it amazed you that he was willing to sacrifice his time to heal.

“Well then I guess there is no reason to say no is there?” A smile lifted up on your lips when the words left them, which in return made Baekhyun’s get bigger than you thought was possible.

After talking about how things would work and 2 more cups of hot chocolate it was time for you to say your goodbyes. Once again you successfully hailed a cab. Baekhyun made sure you got in safely and even gave you money to pay for it although you refused for a minute. He saw you off with a smile on his face and a wave goodbye.

Another short cab ride later and you were home. When you got in you kicked off your shoes, untied your scarf, and hung up your coat with it. It looks like things were looking up for you and you wouldn’t have to worry much about seeing Junmyeon because you would never surpass the 10th floor. You softly knocked on Sehun’s door to tell him the news but when you opened the door you were greeted by his sleeping figure, passed out on the bed. “Goodnight Hunnie,” you whispered softly before gently closing the door.

You flopped onto your bed and decided it’d be a good time to update your social media. You’ve been off the grid for a while but you posted a picture of yourself that you took a week ago with the caption ‘Only going up’. Your account was only followed by your closest friends and maybe some family if they weren’t annoying.

Sana and Yoona were the first to comment and it hit you that you hadn’t even told them about everything that happened. For as long as you have known them you have never hid anything from them. Trying to keep that habit you sent a text in the groupchat that simply said, “tea”. That was like drawing bees to honey because as soon as it was sent they all assembled. Eunji was the first to respond obviously thirsty for drama which was normal for the whole group. The rest followed after eager to know what the tea was. You started off warning them that they’d be livid and not to worry because you had everything on lock. You told them everything, up till Baekhyun offering you to be his manager. By the end of it you assumed right and they were all pissed and threatening to skin Junmyeon alive.

It all made you laugh until you read what Sana had sent. “Seems like Baekhyun caught feelings.” You wanted to tell her how hilarious that was and how never in a million years would Byun Baekhyun like you, but your heart felt joy in hearing that someone thought that way.

They all bid their goodnights, you earlier than them because of the time zone difference. At least tonight you weren’t falling asleep to the sound of your sobs.

Your alarm was set to 5 am and you absolutely despised it. When you worked as an assistant for Junmyeon your were allowed to come in at 10, mainly because you’d either come in with Junmyeon himself or because he would let you sleep in to your heart’s content. But things were different now and you had to break the habit of doing things the way you used to.

Relentlessly you rolled out of bed and fell harshly on the cold, wood floor. Waking up was never your strong suit but you had a feeling that a nice hot shower would do the trick. After you got out of the shower you got ready. Your wardrobe up until now was basically pencil skirts and blouses. You were a hundred percent sure that being a manager didn’t require this style. So you opted for black, ripped, skinny jeans and a basic white tee.

You hadn’t dressed casually since you came here. It was always short skirts and itchy tops that looked better on a grandma than it did you. You thought this suited you way more than your previous style. Too tired to do anything fancy with your hair, you threw it up into a messy bun with a few loose strands that frame your face. As always you kept your makeup basic and simple, nothing too extreme but something subtle enough for people to know you tried.

It was about 5:45 when you got a text from the group chat that Baekhyun put you in last night. You were reading coffee orders from each of them and you felt a little bitter because you didn’t know being a manager would also mean being a personal assistant. But you sucked it up and made your way out of the house, making sure to put on your coat, scarf, and beanie, so you wouldn’t freeze to death. You felt pretty confident in your ability to get a cab at this point. You got in and gave him directions to the coffee shop near SM. You didn’t understand why the coffee had to be from THIS specific cafe. There was a coffee shop in the lobby of the building, so why were they so persistent on this one in particular? You stopped questioning it and placed their orders including your own. It then hit you that you would be the one paying for it all. Not that it was a burden or anything but for god's sake you were just a college student and they were idols. You always saw on TV how managers practically pay for everything when they’re out and you feared for your wallet.

It wasn’t long till your order was called and you were carrying 4 drinks in a tray and making your way to SM in this harsh weather. The snow only seemed to get worse from last night. You thanked the heavens when you entered SM and you were instantly encapsulated by warmth. The boys said they would be here and it made sense they would be here this early, they were preparing for a comeback after all. You felt bad for being so irrational earlier, you had to understand the stress an idol is under, especially around comeback season. That’s why you entered the practice room with a big smile on your face and the coffee they wanted. It was apparent how much their mood had lifted but you didn’t know if it was because of you or the coffee.

“Wow she is already the best manager we’ve had,” Chen bragged causing a redness to show on your cheeks. They all took a sip of their drinks and as if it was a life saver, they let out a long sigh. You couldn’t hold back a giggle when they did that.

All of you took a seat on the couch in the practice room. While you were here you had to run down to the 5th floor and get all their schedules ready and situated and make sure everything was in place and ready to go. “So to my knowledge thus far you guys are just practicing today and have 1 recording session with Chanyeol,” you said with a proud look on your face for remembering all that.

All 3 of them nodded in unison before the eldest of the bunch spoke up, “Make sure you’re free after work. We want to take you out as a celebration for getting the job.” You wanted to refuse and insist they sleep instead but you knew them well enough to know that once they had their mind set there was no changing it. So you just nodded and agreed to their proposal.

Soon after you left them to get back to practice and went down to floor 5 where you would get hold of their schedules. You were met with a nice lady who went by the name, Jihyo. There was no frowning when talking to her because she always kept the mood alive. You kindly asked if she could print out multiple copies of CBX’s upcoming schedule and Jihyo complied with no problem at all. As she was doing that she began conversing with you and talked about you were so lucky to be working with CBX and you made sure to let Jihyo know that you knew that as well.

After a few more minutes everything was done and ready for you to take. You were a little sad that you had to say goodbye to the sweet girl but you did, letting her know how much you appreciate her. There was no bringing your mood down now. That was until you got into the elevator and saw none other than Kim Junmyeon leaning against the back rail.

You were ready to turn around and bolt but you couldn’t because a horde of people shoved you in until you were right next to him. You cursed under your breath when the doors close. Couple of guys kept moving further back leaving almost no room for you to go. Just as you were about to hit the back of the elevator until you felt a hand on your lower back. Immediately you turned left to see who the hand belonged to and of course it was Junmyeon. You shivered under his touch which was a first. He leaned down and whispered in your ear, “careful”.

Why did that one word have so much power? Your eyes were glued shut because you needed to regain your focus. Funny how just 2 days ago you would melt under his touch and crave for more of it, now you wanted nothing more than to be out of it.

After what felt like a lifetime the elevator finally reached your floor and you were more than happy for that. But he wasn’t gonna let you leave without letting you know how good you looked today. No matter how much you didn’t want to you blushed at his compliment but you weren’t gonna thank him for it. Instead you chose to ignore and walk out like you didn’t hear it in the first place.

A wave of oxygen entered your lungs and you could finally feel like you were breathing. It got to the point where you were doubled over trying to catch your breath and compose yourself.

When you got a handle on it you made your way to the practice room where the boys would still be. As expected you walked into Baekhyun jumping on Minseok’s back and Jongdae just laughing his ass off in the back. Usually any other professional manager would tell them to quit the antics and get to work but you couldn’t help but laugh at the scene. The noise of your laugh had hit their ears causing them to turn with terrified expressions, fearing you would yell at them. “I’m next” that was all you said before running up and jumping on the eldest back. All of them bursted out into a fit of laughter as Minseok began spinning around with you on his back. You knew it was unethical for you to be doing this kind of stuff but you also knew idols were human too and they deserved to have fun once in a while too.

When Minseok let you down he held his lower back like a grandpa in his last years would. “Yah what do you eat?” he was implying that you were heavy and you had no other choice but to take offence. So you slapped his arm harshly and scowled at him.

“Please you are just old grandpa,” Baekhyun sneered at him. With that he signaled for you to hop on his back so he could show Minseok just how weak he was. You got on and Baekhyun showed no signs of struggle as he held you up. “See I told you. She is as light as a feather”. That comment made you laugh as you put your head in the crook of his neck. “I wouldn’t go that far Byun,” you stated with a wide smile on your face.

You looked up at the clock and saw that it was time for them to go to the studio and record with Chanyeol. You hopped off his back and told them that they have to get going up to the 20th floor. Of course you would accompany them to make sure everything was running smoothly.

A couple minutes later you were making your way to the elevator and by that time you had forgotten all about your last elevator ride. You and Baekhyun were walking together and talking about the upcoming show schedule while Minseok and Chen were behind discussing last night's episode of Come and Hug Me.

Being the friendly giant he was, Chanyeol welcomed you guys with open arms. You had seen him on a couple of occasions and you definitely knew who he was because who the hell didn’t.

Chen was the first one up to record his parts while you and the other two sat back on the couch and waited for him to finish. Everything was going normally until you felt someone’s head on your lap. You looked down to see it was Baekhyun. He was getting comfortable and you were absolutely too surprised to do anything about it. Then he decided to take it a step further and grab your hand to put it on his head so you could stroke it. “It helps me sleep,” he said followed by a yawn. Your head awkwardly turned to Xiumin with wide eyes and all he did was shrug his shoulders leaving you as clueless as you felt. But you didn’t push him off or let him know you were uncomfortable because truth be told you weren’t. So you let him sleep as you gently pet his hair.

Soon after Chen was finished Xiumin was called into the booth. The plan was once Xiumin was done, him and Chen would go back to the dorms to get ready for tonight and meet you and Baekhyun at the restaurant. You thought it was a good plan because it gave them time to get ready and not go out with the stench of sweat. But what about Baekhyun? That was when Chen ratted him out and let you know that in all actuality he wasn’t practicing at all. You noted that and would make sure to bring it up to him later when he wasn’t asleep on your lap.

20 minutes had passed by and it was a wrap for Xiumin, so as planned him and Chen headed home and it was now Baekhyun’s turn to record. You felt bad that you had to wake him up because he looked so peaceful while sleeping.

He cleared his throat so there was no signs of the fact that he just took a nap. The moment he started singing you were pulled into a trance that you never wanted to get out of. You always knew Baekhyun’s voice was angelic but the way he sang just had your encaptured. You took a seat next to Chanyeol to hear his voice clearer, you wanted to revel in this moment for as long as humanly possible. Your eyes were glued to his as he sung his heart out and you felt your own beating rapidly. When your eyes met it was as if your heart was being opened to an endless amount of love and warmth. You had looked at him countless times but this time it was different. It felt like something you never felt in your life, not even with Suho. Your eyes remained locked as he continued singing, it wasn’t until Chanyeol stopped the music and let him know he was done that you found herself looking away but Baekhyun didn’t. His eyes were trained on you and you could feel it.

You remembered that Baekhyun always took a shot of ginger after a recording session so his throat wouldn’t wear out. You had it prepared the moment he stepped out and gave it to him. While you were at it you complimented him on how well he did. Chanyeol just observed the whole scene and couldn’t help but comment on how much of married couple the two of you looked like. That was the second time this week you heard someone associate you in a relationship with Byun Baekhyun and much like the last you blushed and denied it unwillingly.

You checked the time on your phone and realized it was time to go. “We better get going,” you said to Baekhyun. With a small bow both of you left the studio and made your way out of SM to the restaurant.

In the van Baekhyun sang his heart out. He was singing along to Chen’s collab with Dynamic Duo. You were very fond of the song as well and from time to time would jump in and sing along with Baekhyun. Everytime you did, Baekhyun’s smile would only grow wider. You noticed and turned to him with an equally as wide smile.

The ride to the restaurant was fairly brief. You got out to join Chen and Xiumin at the table. Xiumin was already grilling the meat and Chen was getting the shots of soju ready. Just like the night before, except this time around you weren’t absolutely miserable, you were happy. They toasted to your first day and you thanked them for choosing you of all people to be their manager. You miraculously made it through your monologue without crying but it was obvious how emotional you were. The rest of the night was spent laughing and telling embarrassing stories. This time around you stayed sober and didn’t drink.

It was close to midnight when you suggested that you guys started heading out. Tomorrow they were beginning to film for the MV. The van drove you and the boys back to their dorms. You were gonna call a cab to grab you but Baekhyun suggested he drive you.

“Baek it’s fine. You should sleep, tomorrow will be busy.” You tried to be convincing as possible but he wasn’t budging. Reluctantly you agreed to let him drive you home knowing it’s the best solution to get him to sleep faster. He pulled up to your building and you thought that was the end of it and he would go home. But as expected you were wrong.

“Aren’t you gonna invite me up?” He asked just as you were about to leave.

“Baekhyun…” he knew you were just gonna repeat the things you said earlier so he saved you the hassle.

“Just for some water then I’ll be on my way. Promise.” You didn’t have it in you to say no to him, especially after all he’s done for you.

“Then you go home straight after and sleep,” you said with the best strict tone you could muster.

He parked the car and the pair of you got out and headed to your apartment. You weren’t surprised that it was empty, Sehun probably met a girl earlier that night.

You invited Baekhyun in and he took a seat on your kitchen counter, unsanitary but normal coming from Baekhyun. You felt his eyes burning holes into the back of his head. There was this feeling in the pit of your stomach, a feeling you thought died when Junmyeon left, but here it was.

Reaching into the fridge you pulled out a bottle of water and handed it over to him. Instead of grabbing the bottle he opted for your wrist instead. He pulled you toward him and you were now standing between the V of his legs with wides eyes and red cheeks.

“You didn’t come up for water did you?” You asked the obvious. His lips were caught between his teeth as he shook his head. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know where this was bound to head. His grip on your wrist vanished and was replaced with a soft hand caressing your blushing cheeks. “Baekhyun we can’t do this,” you said trying to repress whatever feeling that was peeking through.

“Why not I like you and you like me. It’s natural,” he stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

“It’s not that black and white Baekhyun. This is wrong. No matter what feelings we have we can’t act on it,” you pulled yourself away from him.

“That’s a bullshit excuse.” To say you were shocked was an understatement. Baekhyun had never been so harsh with you, in fact he has never cussed in front of you. “You are just scared to let me in,” he continued on with his thoughts.

“What do you know about me and what I’ve been through?” You snapped back at him.

“I know that you and Suho had a thing going on. I know that the reason you left SM in the first place is because he hurt you. I know more than you think.”

It scared you that he did know all that because that meant you were vulnerable and prone to being hurt.

He hopped off from his place on the counter but his gaze never left yours. “So if you are trying to let me down gently find a better excuse.” Just like Junmyeon he was so persistent and in that moment you hated that quality.

“I’m not trying to let you down. I’m trying to make it easier for the both of us.” You were trying your hardest to not let your emotions get the best of you but it was damn near impossible to do that when he was right there staring at you with those eyes that drooped when he frowned.

“Isn’t it easier if we just admit what we feel and face it head on instead of beating around the bush?” He stepped closer to you and you made no indication of moving away.

“Baekhyun I’m damaged goods... and everything is still so current. It hasn’t even been a week and this is happening. I need time to process whatever the hell it is I’m feeling.” The last thing you wanted is for Baekhyun to think that he was just some rebound. You wanted to make sure that these feelings were real.

He nodded in an understanding way. “Take as much time as you need,” he got closer and before you knew it the space between you two was closed and his lips were on yours. Your eyes fluttered shut as his soft pillow lips worked against yours. Naturally you kissed back showing him that you wanted this as much as he did.

As fast as it started, it stopped an you were left in a daze. His hands were on either side of your cheeks, “I’ll be here when you are ready.” He gave you no time to respond, just like in those cheesy dramas you watched, he left you alone to wonder what the hell just happened.

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tales-from-exo-planet · 6 years

Text

ARIZONA | PATHCODES VOL. II

ACT II. - “circles of influence”

Length - 8, 875

Mood - palliated, lonesome

Pairing - Chanyeol x Reader

“Can we just talk? Can we just talk? Talk about where we're goin' Before we get lost, lend me your thoughts Can't get what we want without knowin' I've never felt like this before I apologize if I'm movin' too far Can we just talk? Can we just talk? Figure out where we're goin' Yeah, started off right I can see it in your eyes I can tell that you're wantin' more What's been on your mind? There's no reason we should hide Tell me somethin' I ain't heard before Oh, I've been dreamin' 'bout it And it's you I'm on So stop thinkin' 'bout it”

“Talk” by Khalid

________________

*Creak*

*THUNK*

*Knock Knock*

You looked up from your desk where you were jotting down notes from your previous appointment in your day planner to see the office mail clerk waiting just outside your door.

“Hi, are you _____?” He asked, breaking eye contact with you as he ruffled in his bag for the touchpad, gesturing to you with the stylus to sign, when you nodded yes.

He took a step inside your opened office door, reaching down to pick up the box and help it over the threshold before standing again to hand you the touchpad upon which you quickly signed your name. He bent again, after stowing the touchpad away in his satchel, to lift the wide set brown paper box up from the floor.

“Th-thank you,” you said, grunting slightly as you adjusted to the box’s weight as it transferred from his arms to yours.

He nodded, muttering a nonchalant “no problem” as he left, ambling down the hall the same way he had come to your office.

Please let this be it…

You glanced at the shipping label, and slowly smiled at the name you recognized.

“It’s here,” you exhaled, placing it on your desk gently.

Without bringing your eyes away from the name on the shipping label you reached for your drawer, quickly pulling it open to retrieve your scissors.

You carefully applied the blade to the packaging tape, taking care not to push down into the box for fear of scratching the contents within.

And as you peeled the packaging away, the brown paper box coming away cleanly as you easily sliced through it with your scissors, your heart swelled within your chest, tears blurring your vision.

“You’re here,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper, breaking eye contact with the box for a brief moment to return to your open office door and close it.

Inside was the leather bound hard case now embroidered with three sets of initials, your late father’s being first, yours being second, and your son’s being the last.

You fingered the embroidered letters, tracing them with the pads of your forefingers in an infinite loop, closing your eyes as you recalled their faces, and their voices.

Taking a steadying breath you reached for the latch, and lifted the top of the case, and gasped at the sight of the slate gray and white typewriter you had been longing to see.

“Pop,” you whispered, amazed that the typewriter could have been restored to this extent. It looked just like the photograph you remembered from the catalogue.

“It’s impossible. It’s like it’s brand new again. Just like Pop kept it,” you felt a giggle rising as you touched each key, remembering the way he used to sit at his desk on weeknights and you’d sit beside him watching his fingers fly, the swirl of the floral scent of Yaupon holly tea and crisp, warm paper luring you closer and closer to the desk.

“Pop, it’s happening now. We’re doing it Pop,” you took another breath and exhaled sharply, feeling the strength go out of your legs as you descended abruptly into your office chair.

The waves of grief washed over you again, and since you had practiced and were prepared for their onslaught, you held on, counting down the seconds you would allow yourself this morning with your hands over your face.

The sobs subsided as you counted down closer and closer to 10 to 9 to 8 to 7 to 6 to 5 to 4 to 3 to 2 to 1.

And then…

You let your hands fall to your lap where you brushed your open tear stained palms against your thighs and released an ever deeper exhale.

“Ok boys, let’s get to work,” you said, removing the envelope that had been carefully taped to the top of the box after wadding up the brown paper packaging and tossing it into your waste basket.

“May these items make their way to you safely and find you at peace. With these items now restored and delivered to you, may your journey to healing truly begin,” penned in elegant handwriting by someone who had chosen to remain anonymous. Though without a name written you knew already who had sent the package.

*Knock Knock*

“Yes?” You asked, approaching your office door again as the secretary, Margo, who had knocked entered, her heels scuffing the threshold of your door at her abrupt entry.

“Hi, just wanted to let you know that your 2:00pm is here. Should I send them down to the studio or were you starting in your office?” She asked, her eyes bright as she leaned in and waited for your response.

“If you don’t mind sending them in to my office here, I think we’ll start here today,” you said, coming from around your desk to approach your baby grand piano as you awaited your third client of the day, hearing the whoosh click as Margo ducked back into the hall.

To think back again on where you had been the past couple of years while standing in the freedom of the present was jarring every time you turned to see the photographs of your late son and father framed in black and white on your desk. From time to time as you worked with your clients you would look back at your desk, seeing their smiling faces encouraging you, and urging you forward. It was no different today as your newest client, Camila, entered, and the writing session immediately began.

Camila was newly signed to your company’s label, and as all the artists were who were signed, she was a promising singer-songwriter in the making. Your goal was to help her along in her songwriting process by providing advisement where needed until you created the lyrics she was looking for. A role you relished more and more as the days wore on as you met each successive project and challenge.

You spent an hour together, chatting in between tea brought in by Margo and listening through samples from your previous recording sessions, and at the close of the session with three songs drafted, promised and planned to meet within the following week to close out the project.

“Wow! That’s a gorgeous typewriter, is it a family relic?” Camila asked, not failing to note the initials on the leather case.

You beamed at her, showing her your father’s picture on your desk.

“It was his, my father’s. He was a writer as well. Poetry and short stories mostly. He taught English at my high school and a couple of Early Native American literature courses at the community college in my hometown,” she smiled at you, holding the frame in her hands carefully before placing it back in your hands for you to reposition on the desk beside the others.

“That’s awesome that you had writing in common,” she said and you nodded, replying, “yea, I really treasured that. He’s definitely been my inspiration.”

As you led her down the hall you heard the jingle of your office phone.

“Ah, I know the way to the lobby if you have to take that. Thank you so much as always for your encouragement. See you next week!” She called, waving as she went ahead and you nodded to her graciously before ducking back into your office.

You caught it on the last ring.

“______ with Aspire Publishing, how may I help you?”

“__!!! Hi it’s Ophelia!”

“Oh wow hey! How are you?! I just heard the news about your album. That’s so incredible!”

“Thank you so much. It couldn’t have happened without you. Seriously! And also, I wanted to invite you to this festival I’m headlining this weekend in the area. I’ll be performing a couple songs from the album and I would just be over the moon if you could come!”

“Of course! I’m there. Just let me know the details and everything. My weekend is pretty clear,” you said, shifting from holding the phone against your ear to tucking it in between your ear and shoulder as you looked for your desk planner to pen the event.

After gathering the details you texted your best friend Awinita who had already planned to come into town.

“Hey so what about a music festival this weekend? Would Tobias be down for that?” You quickly texted as you packed up your desk as Margo knocked again at your door to deliver lunch, a large quinoa salad, chili cheese fries and sweet fry bread from a local food truck.

As you set up your lunch tray on your small coffee table behind the loveseat where you and Camila had just completed the day’s session, you felt a buzz in your pocket where you were sure Awinita was replying.

After sanitizing your hands with your pocket hand sanitizer, you poured yourself a glass of water from your pitcher where it rested on the dining tray along the wall and brought it to your place setting.

“Yea I was just about to ask you about that festival because I saw Ophelia’s name on a flyer when I was scrolling through Eventbrite earlier! Let’s do it!! Also...Tobias had a friend in the area who we planned to link up with if that’s ok with you? Maybe he could meet us out there?”

“Sounds good to me. Are y’all still going to be here on Friday then?” You texted back.

“Yea girl. Riding out on Thursday night and we should be in on Friday morning,” she replied with a kiss emoji.

You laughed happily and went back to finishing your lunch.

_________

“Hi Mr. Stone, I just wanted to let you know that I received the package,” you said into your phone, your purse on your lap.

“Greetings Ms. ______, I’m pleased to hear that,” he responded in the gravelly bass you had grown accustomed to following that fateful phone call at the beginning of this new year.

You remembered again the letter that had arrived on Christmas in the previous year when you were still living with Awinita before she had started dating Tobias.

“Who is that from? How can someone send something on Christmas? I thought everything was basically stopped,” she wondered aloud as you two sat together and opened the letter that arrived by a man who did not appear to work for USPS nor any of the other mail carriers you were familiar with. He didn’t wait for you to respond once he placed the letter in your hands and simply turned sharply on his heel to duck into the black Audi he had arrived in.

After tearing open the envelope with the letter opener Awinita offered you, your slipped your fingers inside to pull out the lone cream cardstock on which was penned a short note upon which five smaller envelopes were carefully pinned to its back.

You recognized the handwriting immediately, feeling a mixture of apprehension and hope churning within your stomach as you began to read the words written there.

“Though this can never replace what you have lost, in the new year please call these numbers in the following order.

I wish you well in the new year,

Chanyeol”

Perplexed but still hoping, you opened each of the envelopes where he had written legal, counseling, and employment option 1, employment option 2, and employment option 3.

He offered you a legal advisor, if given your approval and who if given time, would potentially review your case and provide counsel in your impending trial set to begin within the new year.

He suggested that the legal advisor could also be counted on to supply you advice in maneuvering legal and financial matters outside of court proceedings.

He offered you counseling resources for grief to help with any trauma inflicted during the proceedings, and in any personal matters which he oddly left unspecified.

He also offered employment opportunities in the realm of writing as a lyricist for multiple publishing companies you had only dreamed of. “These are companies I would recommend but I am not familiar with more than two of them through professional contact. Whichever you choose, if you so choose, please let the legal advisor know. They have been instructed to provide my recommendations to assist in your application process. However, a recommendation is not a guarantee for employment. I wish you the best in your future interviews if you accept these offers.”

“Take the deal,” Awinita stated after looking over the details.

She was still looking at the employment opportunities while you were looking at the notes you had brought from your bedroom to review.

“Take the deal _______. What he’s offering we can’t afford on our own. We just can’t. And things don’t look good with this case. You deserve this saving grace. You can finally have a life ______. After all of this that happened...and he’s right. It’s no guarantee but the legal advisor sounds promising,” she looked at you as if she hoped you already planned to take the deal but you couldn’t help the rising fear.

It felt strange to look at this handwritten letter that held none of his voice or his warmth.

It was clinical, sterile but still...him?

“I did ask him for help,” you confessed aloud again looking at the letters with her, pushing your stack of notes to the side away from your view.

“And he’s offering you help now,” she emphasized the ‘now’ as if meaning to say ‘forget what was before and move forward now.’

You spent that Christmas and New Years holiday wondering if you should call him but thought better of that when you remembered again that encounter you’d had at Metaphysics Records, and the faces who stumbled in upon you broken and pleading upon his conference room floor. The way they had looked over your head at Chanyeol as if to spare you any embarrassment when he failed to answer your request, and you excused yourself out the door.

You wondered often how you had looked to them and to him. You wondered if that’s why, after weeks of silence, that he sent you these offers and didn’t follow up with a phone call to make sure that you received the message.

Had he meant to send it or was he advised to sent it?

Does it matter?

You need the help.

You can’t afford to hire the legal help you need to fight this.

You are grieving.

You are...lost.

You waited until the evening of the 2nd once alone again in jittery anxiety when Awinita had gone to visit her parents, and dialed the number Chanyeol had written in compacted script, and heard the voice you had come to find such solace and comfort in.

“Hello, I...my name is _____ and I am calling to speak with Mr. Stone about legal advice,” you heard your voice wavering as you held the phone to your ear, trying to keep your hands from trembling.

“Ah yes, Ms. ______. Thank you so much for calling. I am happy to be of assistance to you in your legal needs. If you could put me in touch with your current attorney so that I can discuss with him further what assistance I can provide, then I would also like to meet with you both in order to plan our approach. With your permission of course, Ms. _____,” his voice was calm as he spoke to you in unhurried tones, and all at once you felt thankful and reassured that things really could get better.

You did as he asked and within a week you assembled your legal team to discuss your counter defense to what the defense had alluded to. What anxiety you felt about entering the courtroom in opposition to your sister had dissipated as the promises made by your legal team were carried out in the manner of requesting that your sister agreed to a plea deal in exchange for a dismissal of certain grievous charges and commitment to receive necessary treatment in a secure and holistic mental health care facility.

“We recommend that this unfortunate encounter is settled quietly within the family. These are sisters who have been dealt a truly horrendous hand. We believe that in a moment of sincere distress due to the workload, and responsibilities shouldered considerably by both sisters and undoubtedly more so by the elder sister, caused the accusations heard during previous meetings to be made. My client does not hold any animosity towards her sister nor her dearly departed parents. My client remained within the family home and strived to contribute to the family home to the best of her ability. My client offered her assistance at any and every opportunity to her late mother, and worked together with her sister to also provide safe care for her late son. While the defendant is being penalized as appropriate for inflicting harm that resulted in the unfortunate death of my client’s late son, my client does not wish any ill will or disadvantageous situation to happen upon the defendant. Instead we would request, despite the degree of the crime, that mercy is granted upon the defendant who is a first time offender and that the defendant is evaluated by a licensed mental health clinician, and is able to consider long term mental health services within a safe, affirming environment.

In addition to these requests your honor we would like to move for a strict restraining order to be placed upon the other party identified in the serious allegations made by the defendant. While we would request mercy in the consideration of the familial relationship between my client and the defendant, we would alternatively request strict and harsh punishment to the other party who has repeatedly battered and aggravated my client. We can provide documentation in a later proceeding that will substantiate our request and prove that the other party is truly a danger to not only my client but to the defendant as well. The other party has brutally taken advantage of both of these young women under the premise of providing financial assistance and support of which they so sorely needed as their parents were struggling to return to healthy functioning. If so granted, we would request that the other party is strictly prevented from residing within the same state of which my client is a resident. We would request that the other party is not allowed to call, text, or communicate in any way through any alternate means, such as by way of a proxy, to deliver harmful, insidious violence or intimidation upon my client. We thank you for hearing our requests and recommendations at this time.”

And as you requested through your legal team the judge so granted. Within a month’s time you began counseling services with a licensed mental health counselor, and following that also sought out the employment opportunities with the listed publishing companies Chanyeol provided.

While all of the interviews went well, you decided to accept the offer from a company Chanyeol was not affiliated with and whose location was in Southern Arizona far from your childhood home.

Mr. Stone put you in touch with a realtor who quickly sold your home to an interested young family with infant children. In addition he also advised you on how to save the money you received from both the sale of your parent’s house, and your late mother’s life insurance policy.

The months spent moving in, training, and jump starting your client base blurred by with not a word from nor even a sudden appearance by Chanyeol and day by day as the winter warmed to spring you began to let go and make peace with his absence because of how much he had blessed you. Even the letters written in good faith to your sister all returned in a bundle unopened with a new searing red stamp of “return to sender.”

To be severed from these two people, one who had been in your life since your childhood and one who had changed your life forever, left you confused most days. Reconciliation not only seemed impossible but felt ludicrous to hope for.

Move on ________.

Move on.

“Really Mr. Stone, I couldn’t say thank you enough for everything you have done to help me. I’m really thankful that this could be restored,” you said to the legal advisor now.

“Absolutely. It was my absolute pleasure. All of the other items have also been restored and are now in storage as you requested. Please let me know if there is anything else I can assist you with. Anytime day or night, know that you can call on me,” he insisted once again as he had since the day you first spoke.

Now you said goodbye to Mr. Stone, the man who had become somewhat of a surrogate uncle to you, and your week went on.

——————

“Hi I’m _______, and you must be Hugh?” You asked over the din in the dimly lit brewery’s lounge where the weekend r&b soul festival had begun.

Awinita and her boyfriend Tobias had arrived just as they planned, and had stayed with you from Friday night into this Sunday evening. After spending the weekend together enjoying the good weather hiking, you had ridden together and entered the Soul Festival to wait for the date Awinita had arranged for you.

“I mean...is it cool if we see it as a double date? He’s one of Tobias’ really good friends and he’s a really nice guy you know? I’ve told him a little about you and he’s excited to meet you this weekend, if you’re cool with that. If not we could always just meet up with him later of course and we three can go out,” she said as she helped you fix your hair Saturday night in preparation for Sunday evening.

Tobias, a mutual friend from high school who had grown into something more for Awinita after reuniting at your class reunion, had cooked you both dinner, a childhood favorite of pine nut catfish and corn salad.

“I’m open to that yea,” you agreed and the following night rode up to the venue with Awinita and Tobias to meet Hugh, who was tall with a loose-limbed athletic build. His dark ebony hair dusted his shoulders in full bodied waves, and his almond emerald green eyes were mesmerizing.

“Yea, it’s nice to meet you, ______,” he drawled, his accent catching you off guard, as his eyes took you in. You resisted the urge to look at Awinita though you were sure she was gauging your reaction from beside Tobias.

Together the four of you entered the venue, you beside Hugh with Awinita and Tobias following, and found an open table to sit at.

“I’ll get the first round,” Tobias immediately offered upon you all getting settled and you accepted, thanking him as Hugh turned to you.

“So are you excited to hear Ophelia tonight? Awinita told me that she was a client of yours,” he asked, reaching to comb his locks back from his eyes with his fingers as he waited for you to answer, a whiff of his heady scent escaping at the movement.

Mmm…

“Definitely. Actually I should probably see if I can let her know that I’m here,” you said, pulling on the strap of your satchel to untwist the purse from the opposite side of your waist so that you could reach for your cell.

“Wait isn’t that her?” Awinita asked suddenly, pointing towards the stage where you could clearly see her speaking with her band.

“Yea, I’ll just go say hi quickly and I’ll be right back. Excuse me for just a second,” you said to Hugh, who nodded as he watched you stand to leave, tucking away the conversation he wanted to have until you returned.

You moved through the crowd carefully, edging closer to the stage where they all stood on the floor in front of the mics until you finally reached Ophelia and her live band.

“Ophelia, hi,” you exclaimed seeing her turn just as you approached, her eyes full as saucers at your appearance.

“__!!! Oh my gosh! Thank you so much for coming! Guys this is ______, da best,” she winked at you as she brought you closer to the band for introductions. You waved at the members who would each play keyboard, synth, drum kit, saxophone, and bass assembled on the stage.

“Thank you so much for inviting me, Ophelia. Can’t wait to hear you,” you said, turning to hug her again after greeting the members.

“Of course, __! Couldn’t imagine doing this without you being here. Hope you enjoy the show!” She called as you turned to head back to your seat, waving at some of your fellow team that you spotted in the seats closer to the stage as you made your way through the crowded tables filled with patrons dining on tapas, beer, and cocktails.

Awinita waved you back over, an event flyer in her hand. Hugh offered you a drink as you came to sit beside him, which you took while looking at the flyer.

“So these are all the labels and companies represented here tonight by artists who are performing...isn't Metaphysics…,” Awinita looked up at you, her eyes wide with realization.

“Oh...I...well yea that’s that label but of course they would be here. That’s cool,” you said, finally sitting in your chair as the house lights came down, and Ophelia took the stage.

Just because his label is here does not mean he is here though, you shrugged turning to whisper something to Hugh when a face caught your eye.

Hugh, who had been intently bobbing along to the beat of Ophelia’s drummer, snapped to attention at your sudden leaning in towards him.

“Yea?” He asked huskily, his dark hair falling into his eyes again.

“Um, I...sorry. I forgot what I was going to say,” you blushed, fiddling with a non existent loose strand of hair as you turned away.

“Oh,” he whispered under his breath, leaning back in his chair.

But you turned again, sipping your glass of wine.

I was sure that I had seen…

The crowd around you erupted in applause at the close of Ophelia’s number, and she bowed neatly before the next number began.

“Ah, dry again,” Tobias sighed as he finished off his glass.

“You really like that one huh? We should buy some when we get back,” Awinita whispered against his cheek, his arm curled around her shoulders.

He nodded against her lips, a small smile on his lips at the intimate way she kissed his ear before turning her attention back to Ophelia.

“I’ve got the next round,” you announced, standing to make your way to the bar.

Hugh jumped at the announcement. It seemed like you had beat him to it.

“Sure? I could get this round this time. In fact I think this one was on me,” he insisted, standing to go ahead of you to the bar but you held up your hands to him shaking your head.

“No worries. I’ll be right back.”

His mouth opened and closed quickly as if he meant to try to gently convince you but seeing that you were already determined to go, he swallowed his statement and took his seat.

You milled again through the crowd to the bar off to the left side of the stage, nudging past patrons who stood swaying in small groups as they listened along.

“Two orange peels, and two glasses of rosado,” you told the bartender once you’d gotten her attention.

While waiting for your orders you fiddled with your purse, shaking off a slight shudder down your spine.

Why do I feel so nervous about this?

Hugh seems nice.

I’m just out of practice.

I’m just…

“__-____?” A raspy baritone voice called out to you.

You turned, wide eyed as you saw the face you knew you’d seen.

You knew those eyes anywhere.

“Chanyeol…” you breathed, suddenly parched at the gleam of his smile.

“I...I thought I saw you for just a moment in the crowd headed towards the stage but it’s really you,” he said when you said nothing more.

“I...yea. Yea I’m here to see my...Ophelia is one of the artists I’ve worked with,” you said nodding to where Ophelia waved to the crowd after closing the number.

“Really? She’s great. I like her vibe,” he said looking from you to her and then turning again to the bar where you both stood quiet for a moment.

“Yea she’s awesome. I’m so glad to have had the opportunity to work with her. I...I well I didn’t know when I could call just with everything happening. But I...thank you Chanyeol. I just. I was hoping I could tell you thank you at some point but-“

He shrugged, leaning against the bar which brought his posture lower and closer to you.

“I’m glad everything is ok. That you’re doing ok. How’s work? You loving it?” He asked and you nodded emphatically, refraining from spilling everything that you truly loved about your work. Would he really hear everything you had to say over the music, the conversation, the ambiance?

“So you’re here with Metaphysics? How is everything going? From the flyer it looks like you have a couple of artists performing tonight,” you said and smiled proudly at your mentioning of it.

“Yea things are going well there for me also,” he replied, the proud smile still on his lips as he watched you.

“That’s great. I’m so glad to hear that. I-”

“Ma’am your drinks,” the bartender interrupted, taping you lightly on the arm.

“Oh yes. Thank you,” you said turning back to the bar to finish out the transaction.

You looked back at Chanyeol who looked down at the tray she offered you, and thought you could see him counting the drinks.

“I’m here with Awinita and her boyfriend and a friend,” you blurted to which he raised his eyebrows.

“Oh? I wasn’t sure if you were here in a work capacity or…” he shrugged nonchalantly though his eyes roved from your face to something behind you. The open sun of his smile had dipped behind the shadow of an uncertain look.

You turned to see Hugh behind you, an unsuspecting smile on his face.

“Hey I thought you may need help carrying the drinks since you were taking awhile. You missed a lot of Ophelia’s set,” he chuckled in a friendly tone as he picked up the tray.

You turned again to see Chanyeol watching you, his expression closed.

And cold like that letter.

“I...Hugh this is Chanyeol. Chanyeol this is Hugh,” you didn’t understand why you didn’t introduce them both to one another as friends of yours. Hugh placed the tray back on the bar and reached a hand out to Chanyeol which Chanyeol received, his smile clipped.

“Hi I guess you also work for Aspire?” Hugh asked to which Chanyeol shook his head.

“No actually, I’m from Metaphysics. ______ and I know each other from another event,” Chanyeol stated simply, his eyes never leaving Hugh as he spoke to him.

Hugh nodded , unassuming and sweet.

“Well I’ll grab these then. You coming?” He asked you as he held the tray of drinks once more, his head tilted back towards the table where Awinita waited.

“Yea I…” you turned back to Chanyeol and saw the tempered heat in his eyes as he watched you.

“It was nice seeing you again. Enjoy the show,” you said, backing away to follow Hugh back to your table, noting that Chanyeol’s eyes did not leave yours until you turned away.

_______

“So what did you think of Hugh,” Awinita asked you on the phone as you drove back to your house.

You all had parted ways at the venue doors following the end of the festival performance. Hugh asked you out on a date for the following weekend to which you immediately said yes. Tobias and Awinita had waited until you parted ways and gotten safely into your cars before asking what you thought of the night’s events.

“He’s really sweet. Kind of a music nerd like me which is cool. He’s also beautiful. His hair, oh my god,” you gushed to Awinita who laughed aloud at your confessions.

“So you like him enough to see him for another date without all of us?” Tobias asked, and you heard a muffled “ouch” and figured that Awinita elbowed him.

“Yea I have to admit that I was a little nervous going out tonight. It’s just been awhile since I’ve been out. I just work each day and head home and don’t really go out to meet people. So tonight was just nice to meet people and-”

“Dance! Girl! I saw you and Hugh getting down out there. He thought he was moving but girl you were serving,” you both laughed aloud at that.

“Yea he was a lot of fun. I’m looking forward to seeing him again,” you said as you pulled up to your house and turned off the ignition.

“Sounds good hun. Have you made it home?” Awinita asked, a pop and crackling of a soda can sounding in the background.

“Yea I am. You guys drive safely. Are you really far out of the city now? If you want you can always stay the night and just drive out in the morning,” you offered but knew that Tobias had to be to work in the morning.

“Next time love. We’ll see you next time,” Awinita promised.

“Ok. Well I love you both! Please call me when you make it in!” You asked and heard them return the sentiment before you hung up, hopped out of your car and froze at the sight of a hooded figure on your doorstep.

The shadowed person turned at the sound of the slam of your car door.

You felt a feverish chill break over your body as you stood.

Go, you have to go, go now! Now! Now! Your body screamed.

As quickly as you could, you ripped open your car’s door and slammed it shut just as the shadowed person raced towards your car, slapping the trunk as you sped away.

You drove blindly for an hour before stopping at a nearby elementary school to call your legal advisor.

“There was someone at my house. I couldn’t see their face or hair or hear their voice but I think they were about 5’8” to 5’9”. Very athletic build. They were dressed all in black and wore a hood. I drove closer to the downtown area and am at this elementary school,” you informed him, turning over your shoulder to look at the name of the school so you could share your location with him.

“Ok. Please lock your door. Call the police. I will be there shortly,” he brusquely ended the call and you followed through on his instructions informing the police with as much information as you could possibly give them.

After calling you closed your eyes and pressed your phone to your chest, willing yourself to be calm and not to cry.

You can’t call Awinita to come back and stay with you.

Knowing Tobias they’re probably already there by now and he has to work in the morning.

Definitely cannot call Hugh.

Let the police clear the house first and then you can stay there tonight.

Don’t be afraid.

You repeated those instructions to yourself over and over and over until you heard a voice outside your car door.

“_____? ______ are you ok?”

“Chanyeol?” You gasped at his sudden appearance at your driver’s side window, breaking you of your calm concentration.

After opening the door, you stood in front of him, trembling.

“How-”

“I told Mr. Stone that if anything ever happened to you that he should call me immediately. I was just finishing up at the venue and he told me where you were. Are you ok?” He asked again, his eyes looking over you in a way that you felt a doctor would, checking for any signs of pain or trauma.

“I’m alright really. I got away and they weren’t following me. The police should be here shortly and then I’ll head back. Th-Thank you for coming,” you felt the quaking of your limbs increasing as the police arrived followed by Mr. Stone just as Chanyeol stepped closer. You were grateful for the distraction however.

They escorted you back to your home where you waited outside with Mr. Stone and Chanyeol both of whom stood before you as dragons, emitting gusts of hot air at the surrounding air as it blew around you.

After a fifteen minute walk through the police joined you where you waited on the opposite side of the street further down.

“Well ma’am we cannot find anyone source of entry or disturbance within the home. However what we can do is put a patrol on the house. Is there someone you can stay with-”

“Honestly I would prefer to stay at home. If it’s not too much to ask for a patrol for tonight, I would appreciate it,” you said dismissing the idea that you would go elsewhere.

No one if going to chase me away from here.

“Absolutely ma’am. If that’s your request. At the first sign of anything please give us a call,” he shook your hand as well as Mr. Stone and Chanyeol’s hands before walking back to his squad car parked in front of your house and radioed in the request.

Chanyeol’s familiar black Jeep was parked just behind his patrol car and Mr. Stone’s sleek BMW was parked behind your car on the opposite side of the street.

“I can stay with you if you want,” Mr. Stone offered and you took his hand gratefully in yours.

“I’ll be alright really. Thank you so much for coming. I’ll feel even more afraid if I stay somewhere else and then I won’t want to come back here. The patrol should be here any moment,” you said as Mr. Stone reached to hug you into his chest.

“If that is your will. As always I’m not too far away. I will call every hour until you retire to make sure that you are safe,” he departed with that statement after nodding to Chanyeol and climbed into his BMW.

“Are you sure you don’t want someone to stay with you? I’ll sit outside for a little while if that’s ok too,” Chanyeol asked, pulling his keys from his jeans pocket as he moved towards his Jeep.

But you lifted a shaking hand, regretting that you had done so when you saw the way Chanyeol looked at you trembling there before him.

“I’m ok,” you insisted turning to head inside the house, hearing Chanyeol behind you.

“I’ll stay right out here in the car ok? Lock the door,” he said as you entered through the front door.

He closed the door behind you and you locked the door, crossing the floor to sit on your couch.

The quaking of your knees increased the longer you sat in silence, watching the clock on your kitchen wall ticking away the hour you spent frozen in place.

You are safe.

It’s ok.

It’s-

*RIIIIING*

“H-hello?” You scrambled to pick up your cell phone you dropped at its sudden brash ringing and heard Chanyeol ask, “you doing ok? You haven’t moved from the living room. None of the other lights in the house are on.”

You cupped the phone to your ear, swallowing audibly.

“______?”

You swallowed past another dry patch in your throat.

“______?”

“I think Mr. Stone is calling,” you said as your other line beeped and you clicked over to hear Mr. Stone asking how you were.

“If you feel comfortable allowing Mr. Park into your home to sit with you, that may help you to move throughout the home and ready yourself to retire. If not, I can come by to stay with you,” his tone was doting in a way that made your quivering turn into inaudible sniffling.

“I may ask him inside. I thought I could go into the house and just get on with the night but it’s hard. I don’t want to call you back after you just drove home. I will ask Chanyeol inside. Good night Mr. Stone,” you said ending the call once he had said goodbye.

You clicked back over, shakily bringing the phone back to your ear.

“_______?”

“Chanyeol, please come inside,” you said, hearing how small your voice was in the echo of your dimly lit stucco home.

“Can you make it to the door to unlock it?” He seemed to be genuinely concerned or maybe you hoped he was. There wasn’t a hint of teasing in his voice or malice.

“Yes,” you stood and made it to the door, feeling your knees knocking as you heard his car door slam outside.

He met you at the door as you opened it, his phone still to his ear as you also held yours there, frozen.

The patrol car slowly cruised by on the street just beyond your door and Chanyeol turned to wave to them as they continued on their way.

“You ok?” He asked as you stepped back to allow him in and he closed the door behind you both.

“Yes. I’m...if you could just. I am going to walk through and take a shower. Please make yourself comfortable,” you said gesturing shakily to the couch as you walked back to your bedroom.

You knew the police had already walked through and that there was no one else there but the surreal quiet of your home that had always been filled with music at this hour of night was solidifying you in a petrified state.

Even a brisk warm shower didn’t ease your nerves.

You returned to your bedroom to change, hearing Chanyeol in the kitchen on the phone with someone.

“Yes we’re still not sure how this happened. How in the hell does someone randomly show up in the middle of the night and just disappear? There’s a patrol yea.”

You wondered for a brief insane moment if he had had anything to do with it and felt guilty for second guessing him.

But how could Chanyeol have appeared so suddenly?

This whole time he had known where you were but just hours ago he had acted like he didn’t know anything…

Was he in regular contact with Mr. Stone about your whereabouts or did he really give you your space unless something bad happened to you?

You worried all the way out into the hall back to your kitchen where Chanyeol was seated on your living room sofa, the call finished, his head in his hands.

He looked up at the sound of your slippered feet trudging along the floor.

And the look in his eyes, the return of that bright sunny smile, stilled the tremors wracking your body.

“It’s ok, _______. We’ll figure this out,” he said, his tone steady as he looked at you.

Your cell phone that you had left on the coffee table chimed suddenly and Chanyeol reached for it, standing to bringing the phone to you.

You brought it to your ear as you asked, “hello?”

“Seems like you’re still breathing huh bitch?”

“Excuse me?” You asked, the feverish chill resurfacing.

“I am going to fucking kill you!” The garbled voice shouted and you pulled the phone from your ear, your stomach churning.

Chanyeol’s eyebrows were furrowed in concern at the way you shook but you brought the phone to your ear again.

“You cannot call me. You cannot be in touch with me,” you answered Liam, your ex boyfriend.

He chortled at the way you answered, as if he was glad that you knew exactly who it was without him identifying himself.

“Nah bitch how did you get that money?! Who the fuck are you fucking now?! Huh?! That was my fucking money bitch. You owe me! THAT WAS MINE!!” he continued to yell into the phone and as you lowered it Chanyeol reached for it but you snatched it from his grasp putting a finger to your lips.

You placed Liam on muted speaker phone, bringing his tirade to its climax.

Chanyeol frowned at the words he used and seemed furious with the idea that he had to remain quiet while he listened to Liam insult you over and over and over again. But you placed the phone down on the kitchen counter and walked around the counter to find the only house phone that you kept in the kitchen.

You dialed Mr. Stone and told him what you had rehearsed, “I have him on speaker phone. Are you available to record?”

You heard the snap of a button and Mr. Stone stonily replied, “we are recording. Once he finishes the call, allow him to hang up.”

You placed the phone on the counter alongside your cell where Liam continued to hurl obscenities at you and your family.

You stood looking at the phone now counting 10 minutes that had gone past of his ruthless anger.

You felt Chanyeol suddenly beside you and looked up to see him watching you as he had done all evening. His gaze was open and thoughtful as he suddenly asked, “do you want to sit down? I...can I get you anything?”

Hardly the questions you thought you would hear.

You sat on the sofa opposite him, exhausted.

He was quiet for a while as if he was waiting for you but you ignored the urge you had to say something.

It had been months since he had seen you and all this time that you spent hoping for reconciliation, thinking you had been parted with for your benefit, doing your best in attending your counseling services despite your inability to reasonably achieve closure without being able to see the two people left in your world who you needed closure from.

As you sat in silence, gradually descending into yourself, you felt in the midst of your exhaustion a stirring anger at the realization that he hadn’t been far from you at all. He had hidden himself from you in the familiarity of Mr. Stone who had seemed someone safe and removed. He had robbed you even of that.

“________…”

“Why do you keep messing with me, Chanyeol? Why are you here?” You heard yourself saying, despite the way your body had sunken into a fetal curve in the seat of your couch.

You saw him turn to look at you, his smile quivering in shock.

“I’m not here to mess with you ______. I’m here to-”

“Why are you here? Why did you help me?” You asked, seeing him turn so that he was facing you.

He watched you for a moment.

“Now you’re angry at me because I helped you when months ago you were asking me for help? I just wanted to make things right between us-”

“You don’t think that was weird? Acting like you didn’t know where I was and what my life has been like...have you known about Liam too? Have you been listening to these threats for months?” You heard the erratic trembling of your voice but at this moment, you would not stop yourself until you finished.

He took a breath to say something but you rose from the sofa.

“Is this some sick game to you? Do you make a habit of saving women so that you can swoop in and reap the benefits? I just...something about you and this whole thing isn’t right. I have no idea where you have been or how you have been. You just showed up. I have appreciated your help but I’m not going to sit here and have you judge me and my situation tonight. I am not going to entertain you anymore with my trauma,” you turned to walk towards the door to let him out and all at once he was standing to take your hand.

“________, wait. Please. I’m sorry...I-”

“I don’t want you here. I don’t want to do this again. Please leave me alone-”

Tears overcame you as you pulled yourself away from him.

“I’m tired of this. I’m so tired of this. All of you just leave me alone,” you hiccuped between unsteady breaths.

His expression was openly pained and sorry, his large brown eyes misting at the look of fear and indignation you gave him.

“_______. I’m sorry-” his voice cracked as you stepped away from him.

“I’ll go. If you want me to go I’ll go. I just wanted to make sure that you were ok. Really I promise you. I stayed away because I just...I’m not sure what I want. When we were trying to figure things out you weren’t ready and now...when I saw you tonight with that guy I thought-”

“But what does that have to do with anything? You didn’t ask me. You just assumed. You’ve been watching from the shadows like some creep and then suddenly when I’m doing better here you come to try again? Do you understand how fucking sick that is?” A scream was rising in you as he grabbed his phone from the coffee table and made to move past you.

“So you’re just going to walk away now? So that’s it? You have absolutely nothing to say?” You followed him to the door.

He stopped, his back tensing as he held the door knob in his hand.

You heard a “click crunch” of the handle as it turned in his hand.

You both took rasping inhales and exhales in turn, waiting the other out.

“I don’t want to fight-”

“Then what do you want?”

He turned to face you, his eyes red and his nostrils flared.

“I...I want you _____ but then…” he choked out his answer, his hands in fists at his sides.

“But then what? Why leave me in silence for months? Why did you help me? Why didn’t you just walk away?” You went on, though you knew it would have been better to be patient and wait for his response you didn’t give a damn at this point.

“I have been living in this false bubble for months. Months. My sister won’t speak to me. She won’t even let them update me about her progress. I moved away from my childhood home. I sold almost everything I could take pay back our debts. I lost...i lost my son-” you didn’t bite back the sobs that threatened to unsettle your grounded stance.

“I cannot do this anymore. This back and forth. I need the truth. I need peace. And if you’re not going to be part of that peace then just let me go Chanyeol. Please let me go-” you sobbed into your hands as you sunk to the floor.

You weren’t expecting him to catch you.

You hoped he would walk out the door and leave you to grieve alone.

You hoped he would allow you your space, finally.

But he moved swiftly to catch you where you fell, taking you into his arms.

It had been forever since you had been cradled against someone’s chest where you rested fully in their arms.

You remembered your father holding you and carrying you home after you fell from your bike in grade school.

You remembered crying into his shoulder as he told you, “you fell the first time so that you could learn how to stand up on your own next time. You’re my strong girl, you just don’t know it yet.”

Chanyeol carried you effortlessly down the hall and looked into each door until he found your bedroom.

He sat down with you still in his arms, letting out a deep breath as he turned to lay you down to rest on top of your sheets.

“Here. Just rest here,” he said, his eyes beginning to puff up no doubt from the tears in his eyes.

As you laid there, the height of your anger and the fevered race of your anxiety depleting you of the strength and the will to resist.

“I’ll just wait outside like I said. I’ll-” he began not looking at you as he awkwardly tried to help you tuck yourself into your bed though you were not turning your body to allow him to help you in.

You placed a hand on his arm, noting the depth of the tan that had settled in.

You remembered the tautness of his forearms, and the ripple of his veins.

He looked up at you as you placed your hand there.

And you saw the invitation.

You felt the fire of desire rising in the way he somehow leaned closer to you.

“Chanyeol…” you whimpered as he leaned closer and kissed your forehead.

He murmured your name like an incantation against the bridge of your nose.

His lips against yours sealed your fate.

#exo fanfic #chanyeol fanfic #Pathcode AU #human realm #universe gamma

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catch22inareddress · 6 years

Text

Stolen Choices: Chapter Two Tarnished Man

Previously:

"The information that you gave us will be void if they know that we have it. We need time to decipher it and act on it. We also think that if you appear to have Steve as your new bodyguard and perhaps show you two getting... friendly... at a few public events it will send Henry over here to collect you or we can find out where he is staying. We're also putting a tracker on you." You could feel your body closing in on itself and with a cold and distant finality, you stated. "He doesn't love me and you're playing with fire."

Steve spoke up with an indignant attitude. "Well, why get married? You must've loved him at some point or he loved you. So we're banking on those feelings otherwise more innocent lives will be lost. I'm sure you don't want that on your hands, Mrs. Abbott."

You could no longer hold your temper any longer. You were finally making a decision for yourself and it just went to hell in a handbasket. "Listen here, Captain America. Save your self-righteous commentary for the public and your fanbase. Not everyone gets the white picket fence and the happy ever after. Some of us get sold off at auction to the highest bidder. The only way Henry comes back is to get his property not his love. This is not some romantic fairytale that I've had the luxury of living. So shut the fuck up unless you have something useful to say."

Steve was dumbstruck and humiliated as the thought never occurred to him that you married with no choice. He just assumed that you loved a deplorable man and willingly went to bed with HYDRA. Literally, and now this was your way out. His mouth was agape and while you were ashamed at your outburst you felt it was a long time coming and it felt good. Very good. Perhaps too good and you should let that lion out of the cage more often.

"Look, I'll do it. If it will give you time to take down HYDRA and Henry but is there anyone else besides him." Steve's brows hitched together in what you found to be a usual look for him and he put his hands in his pockets knowing how he acted; you had every right to ask for someone else. He also knew that the request would be declined.

Fury shook his head. "No, Bucky is too high profile with HYDRA. Sam and Clint are great but not if you're attacked by multiples, they aren't superhuman. Plus Steve's already comin' off an undercover op so he'll be more incognito to the public eye." Then he turned to Steve. "Make it work, Rogers." And with that, they left the room.

"I-I just have to get my bag then we can go to your place." You waved him off and as soon as he left you finally let the tears fall as you looked out on the New York Skyline.

So much for new beginnings

Nat sat in Steve's room when he gathered his belongings and was ready to give him an ear full. "Really, Rogers? You're an asshat of epic proportions." He nodded and mumbled in agreement. Just then Bucky came into the room to assist Nat in berating a one Steven Grant Rogers off his high and mighty horse. Steve rolled his eyes at the intrusion knowing they were about to tag team him.

"Look I made a mistake and didn't have my facts." Buck leaned against the door frame and brushed his long chocolate locks out of his face. "One look at her would've told you she wasn't there by her own choice. You just heard HYRDA and wife then went all ballistic, man. To be honest I would switch spots with you in a heartbeat. Something about her just makes me want to keep her safe." Nat chimed in. "She's a victim and from what I gathered from Tony she's pretty much been in captive by family or that fucker her entire life. So what if she thought this was her way out. If I were her I would've taken it to. Wouldn't you, Cap?" They turned to leave and he grabbed the first thing that he could find and threw it against the wall.

"FUCK!" When did he lose composure like this and when did he make an innocent feel helpless and unsafe. He felt powerless and hated that feeling when things spiraled out of his control. His gripped the marble countertop and looked up at his reflection, he felt like he had lost his way through all of the years. He was tired of the wars and the fighting, of always seeing things in black and white, especially when he saw that you were clearly a color spectrum that he had never quite seen before. That's what had him so off balance and for lack of better phrasing, tarnished. He needed to get his shit together and fast. Hell or high water he was going to keep her safe, no matter the cost. If this was his final mission he was going to redeem himself and make it right.

You arrived at the penthouse and Steve did a perimeter check and Tony snuck in to add some additional security measures. The thing about Henry was that he was so arrogant he thought the penthouse was impenetrable with the small security system and the bodyguards. He also probably forgot that he even had the HYRDA intel here, so careless of him. Typical.

"How do you communicate with Henry, Mrs. Abbot?" You walked into the office and logged into a secure server. "Please, Y/N. Not Mrs. Abbott." While your composure was there, Steve could see the quiver in your voice. "I email him weekly unless other instances require like this evening. I will notify him of John and William's leave and that I have taken and hired you, Steven Grant for my protection detail. I have forwarded your credentials to him and he will assuredly want to video chat with you tomorrow regarding safety measures and when he will check in, etc." You quickly finished a formal email to your "husband" which Steve read and then sent it. Showing him to his quarters after reviewing all of the codes and locks, courtesy of Stark, you turned to leave.

"Goodnight Mr. Rogers." He grabbed your arm lightly but you still gasped at the contact, expecting pain and he quickly released you. "I---I'm sorry. Earlier. I'm ol' fashioned and that's not an excuse but hopefully will explain why I assumed you two were in love. It was a terrible mistake on my part and I won't assume in the future and will instead ask you if that's ok." Your hand found the place the Steve touched on your arm and you nodded.

"Be careful what you ask, you may not care for the answers you are given." With that, you took leave to your bedroom to hide away from the results of the day. If you were lucky, the ruse that you emailed Henry on courtesy of SHIELD and the set up with Steve would work and hold him off for the time being. At best you would have a few weeks before he sent someone in, especially when they wanted you and Steve to be out in the public to draw Henry in. This was an absolute catastrophe but at the same time you knew that you had made the right choice, the outcome wasn't ideal but nonetheless. You would persevere like always.

You awoke to Steve knocking on your door and you opened it in your silk cami and shorts not thinking anything of it. "Is the building on fire?" He averted his eyes but smirked. "No, but we have an email." He could've sworn he heard you say "Then it's worse." But chose not to respond as you grabbed your robe and walked to the office and signed in.

"So as I said, you have a video chat with him in 1 hour and he will want updates every week unless the situation demands it." You handed him the list of demands for previous bodyguards and your weekly agenda which of course changes. His brows stitched together. "Y/N, these are ridiculous." You nodded. "So you see why he will be very upset when you and I are at all of these social events seemingly so close." He shook his head as he quickly memorized the requirements set by Henry.

The weekly agendas ranged from brunch with socialites and wives of HYRDA's henchmen, now that you know the true nature of Henry's work. You normally have a gala or charity event a week to attend in his absence. So Steve didn't have any idea what he had signed up for when he was given protection detail to you and you were sure by now his star-spangled head was spinning.

You stood outside and listened while Steve took every condescending remark and insistence made by your husband and passed the interview of sorts with flying colors. As he called your name you smoothed your dress out, calmed your nerves and then walked inside. Steve left the room as asked but remained close so he could hear everything. Which only added to your discomfort and embarrassment.

"Henry, how are you?" You timidly ask as this is the first video chat in two months. "How dare you go under my authority and hire him! You insolent whore! I give you everything and yet you displease me in such a way."

You sat with your hands in your lap resigned to the verbal abuse because you knew it was coming, ever grateful that he was oceans away though. "I'm terribly sorry, Henry. I just know that business is very busy for you and thought I could be of assistance." He laughed at your attempt to appease him. "That's fucking rich. You don't know anything." You apologized again. "I'm sorry Henry if I have done anything to upset you." He waved you off. "He's fine for now. I won't hire another since there hasn't been a threat in New York since I left. No one would care to harm you anyway. I have to go now for a... meeting. Be a good wife and follow orders. No more surprises." He signed off and you sat there in silence unable to get up yet and unwilling to face Steve either. You could tell that while the first encounter was terrible, he was a good man. You've seen enough atrocities in this life to know good when you see it and you didn't want his pity.

It wasn't until you felt a strong hand on your shoulder that you snapped out of your haze and looked up to ice blue forgiving eyes. You didn't want nor need his compassion, it made you feel weak so you stood up and wiped your cheeks discretely. "I assume you have something to wear other than flannel, Captain Rogers?" His saw that you closed off the wall and stood taller and nodded. "Good because to make a man like Henry jealous enough to risk coming here you'll need to up your game." He smirked at your remark. "Understood, Ma'am."

After your shitty remark on his attire, he had some clothes delivered to the penthouse and decided that it be best to practice on how you two would keep up appearances while outside and in view of the world.

"So, there will be events that will allow me to dance with you. I'm sure a man of your age can dance." He lightly chuckled. "That's a ...nice way of calling me old." You nearly smiled at his easy way but held back. At the moment both of you were sitting on the couch and had just begun to break down how to handle situations together. "If someone asks how we met..or how long..?” He nodded. "Just smile like it's the naughtiest secret and don’t say a word." You agreed and fiddled with your fingers and he reached over with his large calloused ones. "Hey, this will work. We will distract him. Use the intel, catch him and get you out of here." He gave you a reassuring smile while he ducked his head a bit to meet your eyes and you gave him a smile. "There she is. Smile at me like that when we are out and everyone will believe that we are together."

He kept his hand there and you went to remove yours. "You need to get used to me touching you." you shook your head. "I-I don't like being touched." His face did that notorious pinch and you wanted to smooth out the lines but immediately reproached yourself for thinking such a thing. Steve paused but decided to ask anyways against his better decision.

"Why?" He knew that you had warned him and that he wouldn't like the answer but still, he had to know. You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth and looked into his eyes. "When you associate touch with pain why would you like it?" His thoughts immediately went to Bucky and the trouble that he had when he first came back and it hurt him to his core to think of you not having the pleasure of touch. "When Bucky first came back from captivity and was no longer The Winter Soldier he had similar issues. Although different, still hated to be touched. Associated it with pain." You shook your head. "Don't compare me to him. He deserves more than that!" Steve moved closer to you and gently took your face in his palm and you flinched.

"Listen, doll. All I'm sayin' is if he can recover so can you. The man loves to have Nat touch him now, he what we call touch starved. He can't go 5 minutes without touchin' someone." Steve chuckled a bit and you felt his hot breath on your face and you didn't cringe at his warm embrace on your face and his breath on your skin or his eyes scrutinizing every flaw on your face. "See even right now, you're fine with me." He kept looking in your eyes searching for an answer that you knew silently he was asking. "Because I feel safe." You saw his jaw tick and his thumb gently grazed your skin. "You are, I'll keep you safe."

He sat back against the couch and pulled you into his side and you laughed and he thought it was the sweetest damn sound that he had heard. "You should do that more often." You looked up at him. "I can't make any promises, but I'll try." He nodded. "I'll take it. So now that we got the touch under control---" You cut him off. "I've got it under control when we are alone. I've never done this in front of anyone. Hell ..." You ran your hands over your face while Steve patiently waited for you to continue. You were finding that the man was a fucking saint one minute but then another be a man of this world and baffle you.

"Ok, so consider me property and as property, I am to maintain appearances and looks. I was..am Henry's wife for all purposes of appearances. When we go out it is to make him look good. I was bred to be the perfect specimen of flattery, to make him look good. When I say he bought me I mean just that. I came from a line of wealthy families but my uncle squandered away the money and inheritance. He used me to make millions." You were ashamed and felt cheap at the words as soon as they left your mouth; Steve seemingly took ages to process the information, while you sat watching him digest what you had said.

When he finally did speak you were surprised with what he asked and the level of intimacy in which he asked it. He didn't make you feel like less of a person or like a bought and paid for human, he was concerned more for the lack of experiences that you had. The absence of love in your life was what he had focused on and you didn't know what to say or how to answer and remain diplomatic to the situation so you were blunt in your response.

"Ok, so you've never experienced a man holding your hand, kissing you, making love to you. Romance?" You laughed humorlessly. "No. I've had my handheld to show possession or to be pulled. I've been kissed on my wedding date or roughly to satisfy his needs. Making love ...I've been fucked, poorly by Henry and no other." He nodded and roughly stood up and you sat back feeling the need to comfort him. Odd. "I'm fine, Steve, I don't need pity and I don't say these things to anger you. I just want ...need you to know that I don't know how to complete this facade and make it look believable."

He turned around and knelt down before you with conviction in his blue eyes. "Let me kiss you." You pulled your face back as if he slapped you and he looked ...hurt? Why would he ask you for such a thing? This was what made your head spin about the Captain. One minute he would treat you like a doll, so kind and gentle. The next he would speak like he had no control over his mouth or thought process. Had he not heard how you were acquired and did he not think of how you would feel of his request? To just be kissed for a mission? You felt dirty at his words when only moments before you thought he was a different man...you were comforted with his touch only to feel burned.

"Absolutely not! Are you out of your mind, Captain!" He put his hands on your thighs and the warmth radiated through the fabric and you felt as though you were on fire, but this time it felt good and you chastised yourself. You wanted the kiss but..at what cost. Damn him and damn all of this. He spoke up and pleaded with you. "Please, let me kiss you. I want to do this and maybe it will help you..."

You pushed him away and he almost fell back but righted himself. "Help me what? Loosen up? Is that what you think of me? That I'm uptight? Well, excuse me Captain Loose Lips. I don't want my first real kiss to be a show. I- I thought that we were--. Nevermind." You went to walk away and he was furiously running his hands through his hair and coming after you. Under normal circumstances, you would feel threatened but with him, you didn't. You felt ...desire. You wanted him but he only wanted you for this mission and that hurt.

"Look, doll. I'm sorry. I just- you deserve better than him." You nodded in agreement and finally found your voice. "You’re damn right I do! I also deserve better than you trying to kiss me for this damn charade too. Have the decency to kiss a woman because you desire her and want to feel her against you. Not because you want to make the ruse believable." You could've sworn you saw his eyes glass over but you couldn't tell because yours were swelling up. You turned on your heel before he could see what he was doing to you and went to your bedroom. "Goodnight, Steve."

Steve ran his hands over his bearded face in defeat as he crashed down on the couch beneath him. “I do fucking desire you. That’s the problem.” He was thankful that you were out of earshot but that the same time cursed himself for not speaking up and for being the coward he has always been around women.

He was falling for a woman he couldn’t have and would never choose him.

HOPE THAT EVERYONE ENJOYED THIS CHAPTER. FEEL FREE TO COMMENT OR SEND ME A REQUEST FOR A TAG OR ADD YOURSELF HERE: LINK. (STRIKETHROUGH BELOW DIDN’T WORK, SORRY)

I’m super excited about this series and Cap and his fumbling and fuck ups but how he takes care of the reader. Plus I have a new character to introduce in Chapter four which is not in the Marvel Uni but is hella delicious. TEEHEEE.

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