#okay i said that but i also want to acknowledge that people are complicated and there definitely ARE times when it's not true

[yvtro]

jason doesn't need a confirmation that he was loved. he knows that he was loved. what he wants is to know if he is loved now. still.

[alicentofficial]

re: my last post about jaime and alicent being parallels, i got an anon claiming they couldn't be similar because jaime as a man is privileged in ways alicent isn't since westeros is a patriarchy. this fact is correct! however! characters can have shared experiences, internal conflicts and dare i say, even themes, despite the fact that they are in different situations. let me explain why jaime and (show)alicent are similar characters.

rape/sa mentions below the cut

(1) okay so fundamentally jaime's thing is that he views himself as being sworn to so many conflicting ideals that he will never be able to uphold all of them. he is essentially in debt to so many people that anything he does will make him an oathbreaker. i think alicent views herself in a kind of similar way, only its through loyalty rather than oaths. hence that "i have endeavoured to serve both my house and my country etc" line because alicent basically FEELS like she has sworn conflicting oaths to everyone and everything around her - her father, her children, viserys, rhaenyra, the gods, the ideals of house targaryen, the abstract concept of what it means to be a "good woman" in society, and the list goes on, they don't call her Alicent "Where is Duty Where is Sacrifice" Hightower for nothing! both alicent and jaime see themselves trapped in moral paralysis because they are so concerned with what they are or should be loyal to, and as a result they are both constantly being eaten alive by guilt and self-loathing.

(2) both became deeply entrenched with the royal family at young ages whilst simultaneously living under their extremely ambitious hand of the king fathers. both fathers basically do not care who their children turn out to be and are only concerned with them as far as they can aid in his own ambitions. in jaime's case this was lessened by the fact that it was essentially divided between him and cersei, but tywin aggressively only gives a fuck about jaime as being the heir to casterly rock (hence his underlying insistence that jaime will do this despite the fact that he has sworn an eternal oath preventing it) - jaime does everything else to become tywin's lion-of-lannister golden boy but he will still never truly have tywin's love or affection or approval because tywin is incapable of that. otto basically pimped out his teenage daughter to viserys, and then after she spent 20+ years doing whatever he wanted he STILL doesn't respect about her, firstly because shes a woman, and secondly because he doesn't view her as a person, he views her as a political tool. and both of them are intensely loyal to said fathers and compulsively seek the approval which they know (on some level) is never coming.

(3) both of them have extremely complicated relationships with parenthood - alicent because her children are all products of her sexually abusive marriage, because she essentially grew up alongside them, and because they too are viewed as political tools more so than as people. as a result she's pretty emotionally cut off from them (struggling to connect with helaena, the unhealthy dynamic with aemond etc) meanwhile jaime can't ever openly acknowledge his children or act like a father to them and sees them as an extension of his relationship with cersei. alicent's feelings about aegon (and to a lesser extent aemond) are this weird dynamic where she loves him a lot and wants to protect him but is also aware that he's an abusive monster. in asos there's a jaime chapter after joffrey dies where he has this moment of awareness that joffrey is his firstborn son, and he kind of wonders if he should feel anything, but he can't bring himself to, basically because joffrey is also an abusive monster. he kind of awkwardly tried to bond with tommen at one point and seems vaguely fond of myrcella but can't really get himself to properly contemplate his feelings towards them either. for both of them parenthood is so wrapped up in all these other layers of pain and guilt that they struggle to have healthy, loving relationships with any of their kids.

(4) they both use copes - alicent with religion and jaime with dissociation - to essentially avoid engaging with their inner conflicts. jaime started dissociating to avoid having to deal with any of the injustices he saw around him i.e. listening to aerys raping rhaella and deciding he could absolve himself of his bystander guilt by "going away inside". meanwhile alicent uses religion as an outlet for her rage because when she throws herself fully into religion and convinces herself that she hates things because they're sacrilegious she doesn't have to confront her own trauma and anger. like a big part of why she hates rhaenyra's children is because they're physical manifestations of the freedoms rhaenyra has which alicent doesn't, but she's not emotionally equipped to deal with that, so the only option is to really really REALLY convinces herself that they're abominations cursed by the gods and thus she is justified in how she feels.

(5) okay here's where you have to hear me out. i think, narratively, jaime sees cersei's role towards him in a similar way to how alicent views criston. cersei and jaime's relationship is obviously built on the recurring themes of lannister exceptionalism and pseudo-incest within their house, but i also think jaime holds on to cersei as this symbol of pre-kingslayer him. she is his other half so when he knows that he's failed and become a terrible person, he can just hardcore project all his hopes of what he could have been onto her and see her as this paragon of beauty and love and nobility. and because of this he spends a lot of the series wilfully blind to the fact that their codependent relationship has turned them both into extremely violent and unstable people. to a certain extent alicent also projects a lot of her own childhood idealism onto both criston and rhaenyra - rhaenyra is literally her childhood girlfriend companion and i think because she's so emotionally stunted she's still obsessed with their relationship as like, the simplicity and tenderness of childhood before her marriage. hence why she seems so in denial about the fact that the war is about more than just their their relationship - but more so i think her relationship with criston is similar to that of jaime and cersei. (up until recently lol) i think she also saw criston as this white knight tragic courtly love figure because theyre BOTH still obsessed with the ideals of chivalry and knighthood and can reflect it back onto one another, whilst at the same time continuing to practice their own hypocrisy. she is basically (in a very jaime fashion) sticking her fingers in her ears to the fact that criston is deeply unstable and and punches people to death when he gets angry. both cersei and jaime's relationship and alicent and criston's relationship are essentially echo chambers that make them both worse while allowing them to view themselves and each other as idealised figures of the white knight and the noblewoman.

[cybergothvox]

One thing that makes me sad to see in the communities of people with disorders that cause highly volatile, intense or irrational emotions is the common sentiment that such emotions cannot be safely expressed to the person that they are about without hurting them.

People seem to feel trapped in not speaking to others about their feelings, making them stew in them alone while the feelings get worse and worse, or letting them explode out at the person in a hurtful fashion.

I wanted to share what works for me. This may not work in every relationship that you have, but it will at least be a way for you to communicate your emotions and know that you are not doing anything wrong by doing do.

The core of this is basically I statements. It sounds very simple and like it should not work, but it is very helpful. It is a bit more complicated than that and I will get into it but tldr; is just make sure you are phrasing things like 'i felt x' or 'i have urges to y' rather than to just say x or y.

For example, I have told my partner that I felt like I hated them and I have urges to cut them off. By phrasing it in this way, they can see that I am having a split, am recognizing that I am having a split, and am trying to communicate with them in a healthy way. Even if I am having negative thoughts about them, by phrasing it as an I statement I am indicating my desire to work through it. This would land very differently if I just said 'I hate you, I am cutting you off' which is a statement of fact and a life altering decision. They would not attempt to comfort me in this situation, they would instead say 'okay bye i guess. fuck you also'

It can feel like it would be terrible to tell them I even felt like I hated them because I worry they would take it as a statement of fact. But by phrasing it as a feeling, they are able to recognize it for what it is and approach me with compassion. It helps if, before you have a split on a person, you explain this to them, especially if they are unfamiliar with disorders that cause splitting. This can help prepare them to read what you are saying correctly as an attempt to communicate rather than a statement of fact.

Doing this can be difficult when you are gripped by a very strong emotion. What I like to do is to write it all down, exactly as it feels. Write in the notes of your phone or in a journal 'I hate you' and whatever else you are feeling without censoring yourself or trying to make an I statement. Then, you can go back over what you wrote and pick out what things you need to talk about, and rephrase it in a constructive manner. Or, if you are close enough to a person that you are both okay with this, you can ask them if it is okay to show them the raw emotions you wrote, with the important disclaimer of you telling them this is how you feel in the moment, and not objective fact.

You do not have to be alone with your emotions. It is okay to talk about your big emotions, even irrational ones, even ones that feel mean. It is just important that when you do, you say it in a way that acknowledges them as emotions and not fact, because presenting it as fact will hurt. Presenting it as the emotions that they are can help the other person to help you, and hopefully you will both be closer at the end, even if the conversation is a difficult one to have.

[narcissus-son]

“If you have no empathy, then how do you show you care about other people?”

Having empathy ≠ caring about people. Someone can have all the empathy in the world, but be a horrible person (who may or may not use said empathy to their advantage).

People with Cluster B disorders have a complicated relationship with empathy. NPD (and also ASPD) have little or none of it. And that is perfectly okay! It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, it just means you are not able to feel what other people are feeling.

Empathy is being able to feel what other people are feeling. If someone tells you, “My mother passed away,” and you are able to feel their grief, their pain, through their perspective—that is empathy. It’s different from sympathy, which is acknowledging someone’s emotions.

So, if pwNPD have little/no empathy, then how would they show someone they care about them in a tough time?

Naturally, they might struggle with comforting their person. But they may ask, “Is there anything I can do to help you?” or, “Do you need to be alone?”

If they are familiar with this person, they might offer them their favorite things, scents, or even a massage/physical contact.

It is a very action-based type of comfort. Words and emotions are not a strong suit for pwNPD, so actions are a way for us to express care and concern without having to force ourselves to do things that we do not enjoy (Like with any other Cluster B disorder, masking can be exhausting, it is important for us not to strain ourselves when comforting people).

I have had to comfort people a couple of times, and I have had to fake empathy. When I see others cry, my first reaction is to walk away from the situation, or simply ignore them. Strong emotions have always made me uncomfortable. When it comes to actually having to comfort another person, I am actually pretty bad at it. I never know what to do, and most of the time, I don’t really care. But I usually place a hand on their back and ask them if they need something.

However, when it comes to someone I really do care about (like an EP), I ask if they want to talk about it, and if there’s anything I can do to help. It might be hard for me to understand them, of course, but I try my best because I do really care for that person.

The experience of comforting someone can be different for all pwNPD, but in the end, since we struggle with empathy, our ways of comforting people and showing them we care is different than the average person’s.

[springtrappd]

You said in one post that the author of Solar Lunacy is ableist. Could you explain how they're being problematic? I know almost nothing about them or the story itself, so I wouldn't know if they've said or done anything sus. Also, thank you for actually criticizing the Daycare Attendant stans, almost nobody in this site does that.

thank you for asking! it's rare to see, you're right, but it's also rare that people are willing to actually engage with that critical posting, so -- again, thank you! as for your question: oh boy, can i!

first: the basics. dissociation is a psychological response to overwhelming stress wherein the brain... disassociates from itself, placing a barrier between itself and the harsh reality. the most famous dissociative disorder is dissociative identity disorder (DID), known formerly as multiple personality disorder (MPD) or split personality. did occurs when someone without a fully-formed identity (read: a child) undergoes such severe stress that the 'brain' dissociates from its identity itself, creating alternate identities (personalities) to deal with the things they can't. these alternate identities work together to form a system. it's way more complicated than that and you can read more on it here and here but that's the bare minimum for the ignorant in the audience. we all caught up? good! moving on.

now, the question of whether or not the daycare attendant is a system is a touchy one. i've seen multiple different stances on the matter, seen a lot of arguments, and typed (and deleted) several hundreds of words about it, and the answer that i've come to is that, for the sake of this argument, whether the dca is a system in canon doesn't matter. what matters is how bamsara treats them. how do they handle the characters, how do they frame the switches in personality, the confusion, all the parallels to real-world symptoms -- how do they expect the viewer to feel, what do they pull from the cultural lexicon, yadda yadda. does bamsara -- regardless of their intentions -- depict the dca as a system, and if so, how do they handle it?

the answer is that they depict the dca as experiencing altered identity states, switching (and even blurring) between identities, and even repeatedly acknowledges them as a plural entity.

and it is these behaviours, specifically, that are used to make the dca scary. bamsara's daycare attendant is scary because they experience altered identity states. because they blur identities. because they are a plural entity. because they display the textbook symptoms and behaviours of a disorder most commonly caused by childhood sexual abuse. and it is the fear that this is inspires that makes them (but especially moon & eclipse) sexy.

now, one can argue that this is simply in line with existing horror media, and they would be correct: most pop culture depictions of dissociative disorders are extremely ableist, and have real-world consequences! but what makes it really, really shitty is that... i don't want to think about this stuff. i don't come to fandom to be reminded that people are terrified of what they don't understand, and that that very very often includes the mentally ill. i don't want to be reminded that there are people who don't believe dissociative disorders exist at all. i don't want to reminded that they -- the sick, the survivors, the unlucky 140 million -- are spoken of in the same way as monsters. i don't come here for harsh realities. but solar lunacy is the most kudos'd fnaf fic on ao3, and we all have to live with that.

if you liked solar lunacy or bamsara's content or... whatever, i don't particularly care. i'm not mad about people thinking evil alters are sexy, or engaging with horror content that says shitty things about systems -- it's your life, live it how you please (and i've got a vanny icon so who am i to judge lmao). sometimes the things that make us happy are kinda shitty, and that's okay! our views are shaped by the society we live in, and there is no society on earth that is kind to the mentally ill -- there's no way to undo that, to stop that from influencing you in some capacity. but... all i ask is for you to think about this stuff, and try to educate yourself on the topic. there's nothing wrong with making a mistake, or having flaws -- but there's something wrong with making a space that feels unsafe, that reflects some of the more uncomfortable aspects of our society, that unintentionally hurts people. it's just up to you if that something is something you care about.

i hope that answers your question, anon (and anyone else who's curious). take care, mate!

(edit 13/01/2023: due to some technical difficulties on tumblr's end, the notes aren't quite showing up properly, so here's the link to bamsara's reblog chain if you can't find it.)

[arrowhawkart]

Alright what's up everyone! If you do not follow my personal blog fair warning: I have become very suddenly obsessed with Dragon Age and have been playing thru the games for the first time ever- so expect the next chunk of art from me to be very Dragon Age-centric

So Anyways here's Cedric Hawke, the fun little guy I made for my DA2 playthrough and became incredibly attached to much faster than I expected.

More incoherent rambles and thoughts on my Hawke under the cut- it's very stream of consciousness under there and also very very long you've been warned

[ID in Alt Text]

Just like.... wow.... okay so I've now played through Inquisition and finished Trespasser and I've gotta say DA2 really took the cake for me, like by far my favorite of the 3. (Like please don't get me wrong it absolutely had it's issues I'm not saying it was a perfect game or that all the writing choices were amazing) But I just really enjoyed the smaller more personal scale of the conflicts in DA2, I liked that Hawke was even more Just Some Guy, and like yeah the Warden and the Inquisitor aren't like special chosen ones or anything, but they are both tasked with these gigantic world-saving country-spanning quests, and Hawke? Hawke is just a guy trying to do right by his family. Like he doesn't have any world saving mission. He is just trying to Get By and that really made this game hit home more for me than the other two.

I said I was gonna ramble about my Hawke and I just ended up rambling about DA2 itself... whoops. ANYWAYS- Cedric- My Boy Cedric- I recognize that a purple mage Hawke is the most common route people go and I am by no means unique or original, but this game series is very new to me, personally, and I'm having fun anyways. (From here on out I will be talking about my Custom Hawke and not like, Hawke the player character in general)

And gosh I'm such a sucker for complicated and messy family dynamics, and DA2 does that so well. Like the Hawke family is Fucked Up. Bethany gets killed by that ogre while they're fleeing Lothering when she tries to save their mom from said ogre, and Leandra immediately turns and blames Cedric for Bethany's death- and then later in Act 1, Carver, best baby brother Carver, also throws Bethany's death in his face while they're having their own stupid argument which started because Cedric was trying to cheer Carver up and boy did that fail dramatically.

Like Cedric is witty and charming and sarcastic and kind of an asshole sometimes, and comes of as incredibly over confident and cocksure and that's because he's very much been shoved into the role of 'okay you've gotta take care of everything and if you don't everything bad is Your Fault, and since you're in charge of taking care of everything, everything bad is automatically Your Fault No Matter What Anyways.' So he's gotta playact like he has everything all together and under control, because what the fuck is his family gonna do if he doesn't? And underneath all of that he's an incredibly stressed out guy, who does not feel like he can ever let on that he's stressed and making everything up as he goes and just hoping that things work out well.

And like he tries to do the right thing- by god does this man try. He brings Carver with him on the deep roads mission because he and Carver work well together! Carver wants to go! He loves his little brother, there is no one he would rather have by his side than his little brother! There is no one he trusts more than Carver to have his back! Carver and Cedric are incredibly close, (yes in the game's friendship/rivalry system Carver was locked in at full rivalry but that absolutely does not mean they weren't still very close and also friends). Like Carver is the one person who actually recognizes that the way Leandra projects all of her own issues onto them, but like mostly Cedric, is really shitty! He acknowledges that after apologizing for his part in the argument I mentioned above. And then of course Carver ends up getting the Blight during the deep roads mission, because nothing can every go right for them. Thankfully Cedric brought Anders along, so Carver is able to become a Grey Warden instead of DYING, but he has to leave, and Cedric doesn't even find out whether or not Carver survived his joining for months. And of course Leandra blames Cedric for this, she begged him not to bring Carver along with him, and he did anyways and now she's never going to see her youngest son again and it's all Cedric's fault. And that's how Act 1 ends and I just.... Auaghghghghhhh-

And then we've got Act 2, and like mid-way through Act 2 is probably the high point for Cedric. Things peak for him here and then it's all one big snowball downhill from there. So like, Cedric romanced Fenris, because this man is addicted to difficulty, and of course was going to immediately be infatuated with the guy that makes hating mages half his personality. (I mean it wasn't immediate, it was more of a slow build, mutual-trust, to friendship(and yes once again Fenris was at full rivalry but I stand by what I said about the friendship rivalry system earlier), to lovers thing, especially considering three years pass between Acts 1 and 2) And yeah, Cedric doesn't hide the fact that he's very into Fenris, and Fenris definitely hasn't seemed opposed to this. So after Fenris kills Hadriana and then they have that fun little argument that ends with Fenris pinning Cedric to the wall and kissing him 😳- Cedric is like, riding the high of what was probably the first positive physical affection he's gotten since Carver let for the Grey Wardens three years ago. And then of course the following morning Fenris immediately breaks things off with Cedric, so what Cedric thought was going to be the start to a romantic relationship, just ends up being an ill-fated one night stand. And like! Cedric does not begrudge Fenris this! He completely understands Fenris's reasons, he is not upset with Fenris at all! He is still just completely crushed though. So yeah, things peaked for Cedric for like one very short night and then start speeding downhill. Because not long after that is when his mom is killed by a fucking serial killer. As if things weren't already fucked enough for Cedric, already having lost his twin younger siblings.

Also side note- I love the fact that DA2 is portrayed as Varric telling the story of Hawke's life to Cassandra, and that we know Varric is an unreliable narrator. Because like Leandra's last words to Hawke being that she's so proud of her strong boy- at least with how Cedric's relationship was with Leandra up to this point- felt so so out of character for Leandra, and I love the headcanon that that's Varric giving his bestie some closure narratively that he never actually got in reality. So like that's canon for Cedric. Because that was Leandra's decapitated head frankensteined onto another woman's body- and magicked into a reanimated corpse that absolutely did not seem like it had any conscious thought- like she was already dead before Cedric showed up. There were no final words. There was no nice narratively satisfying ending to that one. And I like it better that way tbh........

We're just gonna like skip over the whole qunari invasion subplot because I am. Not a fan of how that was handled. Writing wise. Like what the fuck was that. Like I have THOUGHTS about it but they're not gonna go on tumblr. Anyways. Moving on.

Champion of Kirkwall! Yay! Meredith knows he's an apostate mage and is just Waiting for any half-decent excuse to either bring him to the circle, make him tranquil, or kill him? Not yay! Cedric is absolutely good friends with Anders, and has been helping with the mage underground every chance he has. People in the city have been whispering about making him of all people Viscount and he has no idea how to feel about that, like he'd rather not, but who else is gonna do it? And who else would do it and actually give a shit about mages and elves and just like lower class people in general? Like this incredibly stressed out guy does not need more added to his plate, he really doesn't. But he's definitely thinking about it. I mean hey! It's not like he's got any family around to take care of at this point right? Why not just take that eldest daughter syndrome thing he's got going on and use it to fix the city?

The one bright spot for him here is that hey, at least he and Fenris get back together. That one's nice. They both deserve something positive and comforting after all the shit they've been through.

And then Meredith is trying to invoke the right of annulment and Anders blows up the fucking Chantry. And Cedric can't even blame him for it. After 6 or 7 years of painstakingly working to try to find peaceful ways to improve the lives of mages and getting blocked at every turn, with the knowledge that Meredith has been getting worse and worse and worse, and has been actively looking for any excuse to invoke the right of annulment and just kill every single mage in Kirkwall? And Grand Cleric Elthina has been absolutely no help, and has absolutely been subtly on Meredith's side the entire time. Like at a certain point, violence really does feel like the only option left. When you've been backed this far into a corner.

So obviously Cedric takes the side of the mages, doesn't kill Anders, is honestly like 'my dude, my buddy, my guy, my best pal(aside from Varric, and my boyfriend Fenris) why didn't you tell me? I would've helped you on purpose.' He's elated when Carver shows up during that final push to the Gallows, like the whole situation is absolutely shit, and it'd definitely be better if his beloved brother was no where near danger, but he's a Grey Warden now so that's not even an option anyways. So it's just nice to have him around even during such an intensely stressful moment. Honestly everything is so unbelievably fucked at this point that Cedric isn't even stressed anymore. Like things literally cannot get worse. He's kind of riding the high of things not being able to get worse. Or maybe that's just adrenaline. Who knows. Aveline and Sebastian both leave, Cedric is unbothered. Doesn't even try to convince Aveline to side with him later either, like he's never really gotten along with her, and he did not like how she treated Carver. Fenris and everyone else stick around, and that's what matters to Cedric, like all the people he was actually close friends with stick with him in this moment (Fenris, Varric, Isabella, Merrill, Anders, & Carver)

And then yeah, they save the mages, defeat Meredith, leave Kirkwall with the renegade mages. Everyone goes their separate ways due to one reason or another, except Fenris. At least Cedric does get to keep one positive close relationship around.

[keshetchai]

I think a huge problem in internet Judaism (also sometimes irl!) discussions is often that we're so focused on fighting or pushing back on misconceptions, Christian normativity, and distorted Christian ideas about our theology — that sometimes in the pursuit of this, we forget to approach a more complicated internal reality, or we overlook parts of our own religion while trying to not assimilate.

Things like the Talmud talking about Yom Kippur being a happy day. A lot of folks were surprised and didn't know there's a huge tradition that YK is supposed to be a positive holiday and many Jews observe with joy. Then some folks went on to elaborate that if someone wished them a happy Yom Kippur and they were Jewish it was fine, but if they were gentiles who simply didn't know anything and didn't bother to learn, then they were annoyed by the lack of care re: cultural nuance or whatever.

But like...of all the annoying christian-normative bullshit that exists — someone trying to wish me a happy holiday on a holiday that is noted to be solemn AND positive, but not really knowing anything about my religion — that doesn't really make a list of things I have time to be mad about! Or even irked by!

There's a lot of ways in which people are shitty and careless or make it obvious they consider our non-christian holidays an annoying quirk they have to acknowledge, but "happy yom kippur!" Is not one of them. Sometimes I just have to remind myself that I want other people to assume the best of me, even when I am the one who is socially awkward or ignorant, or stumbling around just trying to be an okay person. And sometimes I am the clueless one who has only a shallow understanding of someone's interior life/culture and I said/did nothing actually offensive but treated the situation the same way I treat similar ones in my own life because everyone has cultural blinders somewhere.

So sometimes, I have to look at other people doing The Thing and ask myself if it's at all malicious or harmful, and if it ISN'T, shouldn't I assume the best of another human bumbling around like I do all the time? "Hey thanks. Yeah I had a meaningful holiday."

Likewise, YES, we do have a history of wrestling with G-d and pushing back and asking questions and so on, but no, stiff-necked isn't wholly complimentary, it's...frequently the opposite of that. And the knee-jerk reaction is often to push back against Christianity and Islam vilifying Jews and their stubbornness/failures/wrongs in the Bible. Which is totally reasonable, there's a huge history of a theology of antisemitism and blaming there that impacts us today.

HOWEVER, we can push back against the antisemitic theologies and interpretations of these stories without necessarily having to recharacterize everything beyond recognition?

Yes, Abraham yelled at G-d that one time, and it was great. It may have even been a test of Abraham. Yes, Israel wrestles with G-d. Yes, the Jews in the desert complain to Moses they are dying of thirst and ask what was the point of leaving Egypt if they should only die while wandering instead?

Great. Love that. BUT ALSO: yes stiff-necked is not always a compliment. Yes, the Israelites struggled and made mistakes, and are utterly and painfully human just like people are today. Flawed. We are not so stiff-necked as to say we have not sinned!

Is anything as scary as a group that admits no flaws? No errors of judgment? Never questions themselves or learns from past mistakes? Idk to me, it's all very "with great responsibility comes great accountability, and power isn't the point here." Yes? If we take pride in the moments of arguing and the pushing back, then by that same token, we have to own the failings just as much to learn from. The relationship between G-d and Jews is a two way street.

It's not a failing to be an imperfect human, but it would be a failing to screw something up and then never admit it or keep doing it when you can change.

Idk I just...there's got to be ways we can dig into meaty and interesting stuff without having to constantly be like "just because some ancestors screwed up and G-d was angry at them doesn't mean you can say Jews lost the love of God and the covenant and were replaced you absolute weirdos."

[i-who-has-never-had-a-name]

I always think about how everyone who knows Kaz brekker, including the crows, negatively think of him as a coldhearted murderer who would do anything for money. Whenever a chapter is written in the perspective from someone who is not Kaz and Kaz gets on their nerves or seems disturbing or so they seem quick to think of him as his reputation: a murdered, a killer. And now I may be stupid for thinking this, but how many people has he actually killed, self-defense excluded? The cell member in the ice court and big bolliger comes to mind, but really other than that...

If we do want to talk about murderers we can talk about Matthias who belonged to one of the worst type of people there is disguised as warriors for a noble cause. Or Nina who was trained to be a ruthless soldier and was excited to participate in war as soon as possible, which includes killing people, even if it's for a "noble" cause. Inej has killed people too, but that's apparently okay because she feels guilty. Jesper has obviously killed. Wylan produces extremely dangerous bombs. Yet no one seems to think of themselves as murderers, but bc they are scared of Kaz (yes all of them to some extent) they think about everything people have said about him or how he talks about himself (bastard of the barrel, cruel, killer etc.)

I love all the characters and am quite fond of them, but it's important to acknowledge that all of them are also flawed. One of their flaws being their moral superiority in relation to Kaz. Even Inej tells us at the start that a lot of his reputation stems from rumors, yet she is afraid of him sometimes bc she doesn't know what rumors are true and which not (which really makes me question why she fell in love with Kaz, if it was bc he freed her and he's hot, after all she is a teenage girl, or some others reasons but that's anothwr discussion). Maybe I'm biased bc my favorite character is Kaz, but this really irks me. Time and time again he has proven that he wouldn't kill innocent civilians or children and what not. That what he and others say about himself isn't 100% a real reflection of who he is. Other than his provocative words (that he uses as a self-defense and really bc he's afraid of showing emotion, but also he just has a dry humor and a snarky personality) he isn't morally a lot worse than the other crows. The things I do find morally about him conflicting though are of course the things he has to do as a gang boss, like profiting off of gambling casinos and what not, but really he isn't responsible for the brutal capitalist system in Ketterdam and one might say that the want to become rich isn't a sin ("what a luxury to not want a luxury").

I like him for his morally grey compass and because he is a complex character but I don't think he receives as much compassion and care from the others as I think he should, but I digress. A lot of people are surprised that technically they won't stay friends, but I'm not. I have so much to say because this is such a complicated debate but I don't want to dig myself a deeper grave than already and maybe I have gotten some facts wrong. I'd love to hear more opinions.

[bloodybreakupscene]

-> 𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐓.

neteyam x metkayina! reader

-> neteyam wants to talk to you so bad but he can't (ft. wingman kiri)

-> omg hey it's been a few months but i'm back and i saw the avatar movie like a few weeks ago and now i write for avatar 😋😋

only a day ago did neteyam and his family come seeking hospitality in your clan. you, at first, had no interest in them, you didn't have a problem with it like your brother ao' nung did, but you weren't thrilled with them here, unlike your sister tsireya. you were very neutral on their arrival. however after being assigned to teach them the metkayina ways did you actually have to interact with them.

you were about a half an hour late due to your training and they have already begun breathing practice. based on your own observation, you could tell it wasn't going very well. the smallest one, which you later learned was named 'tuk', was struggling the hardest, so you swam over to her first.

"are you okay?" you asked, as she coughed.

"no! breathing underwater is too hard." she complained, rubbing her eyes.

"well, you're not trying to breathe underwater, you just need to hold your breath." you demonstrated by holding your breath through your stomach and then diving down, the young girl replicated, now being able to hold her breath without coughing up a storm.

"woah, did i do it?" she asked, wiping some of the water from her face.

you nodded and you both swam back to where tsireya was, the little girl swam to her sibling, kiri; you think. you remember her when your mom pointed out her small tail.

while the groups conversed you noticed the tallest one glancing at you, as he did earlier when he arrived. you ignored it and moved on with your day.

you had just finished assisting the others in your village when you turned the corner to see ao' nung, lo' ak, one of ao' nung's friends, and neteyam all on the ground fighting, with kiri on the side laughing at how dumb they were being. which was a very warranted reaction to such stupidity.

looking down, at ao' nung's face he used all his strength to shove lo'ak off his body and stood up and walked towards you.

"these stupid freaks tried attacking me." he swore at them, you rolled your eyes and dragged him by his ear to where he was now standing next your, his friend following him.

"sorry for my brother's behavior" you began gently. "he isn't normally like this."

"it's okay, i'm sure if lo' ak controlled himself it wouldn't have escalated this far."

you nodded your head, "see you later then."

"yeah, i'll, um, see you later." he stuttered a bit.

"y-y-y-yeah i'll see you l-l-l-later!" lo' ak teased him, poking his side before being dragged away, with kiri following.

—

"why don't you just talk to them?"

"because. it's complicated, they're just so. . .i don't know." neteyam said, responding to kiri's question.

she laughed at her brother's pathetic attempt for an excuse. she didn't really see the big deal or why he was so nervous, maybe it was something she would learn later in life. you were very cool; in her opinion, so she really doesn't understand why he was so nervous and found it a bit rude that he was taking extra measures to not talk to you but also be near you at every given moment?

she walked around the village until she found tsireya; feeling lucky she didn't run into your other sibling. she was with tuk searching for pearls to put in their hair.

"hello kiri! do you need something?" she asked, moving some hair away from her face.

"nope, where's (y/n)?"

"they're near that rock over there!" tuk answered, pointing in directions of that rock.

"mm, thanks."

she walks over to you as you're fishing some lone creatures out of the water as a hunting exercise. she watches as you stab the fish and pull them out of the water and put them in a basket.

you acknowledged her and you both started to talk.

"ugh i don't even know how you can live with three other people. i can barely survive with tsireya and ao' nung." you complained, sitting down.

"dude, i don't even know how i do it." she laughed, and you were a bit confused about her sky people words but you laughed as well.

"kiri?" neteyam called to your friend.

"neteyam! we were just talking about you."

"you were?"

"we were?

"duh," she rolled her eyes before getting up, "(y/n) was asking about life back in the forest and your training."

"oh, uh, i can explain, if you, uh, want." neteyam didn't know what was wrong with him, he couldn't speak to you without stuttering like an idiot. kiri had already walked away leaving the two of you alone. this wasn't like the other moments he's had with you, he actually had to talk to you instead of standing idly next you, hoping, praying, you'd make the first move.

"yeah sure, you can sit down if you'd like." you shifted positions, creating some space on the rock for him.

neteyam quickly sat next to you and spoke of the wonders of the forest, the enormous trees that decorated the dirt floor. beautiful cool colored flowers and forest green grass that he and his siblings fell asleep on. he talked about the ikrans he flew and how being in the sky felt so free and relaxing.

"y'know talking about the forest really makes me miss home." he laughed a little.

"i would too if i lived there." you played with the water, making small waves from where you sat. "flying an ikran sounds kinda scary though, maybe it's because i'm so used to being underwater."

"it is at first, but when you finally bond it's the most special experience ever."

"your ikrans seem so loyal, how do you know if one chooses you?"

"they try to kill you."

you laughed, he just looked at you. "wait are you serious?"

it was his turn to laugh, "your turn, what's this place like."

"hm, i don't have to tell you, i can just show you. we must meet tomorrow there's a lot i want you to see." you said, as his tail wagged.

"then we will, after tomorrow's lesson."

you smiled at each other in the dim light, signaling to you both that nightfall was coming. "well i have to get going, i promised my mom i'd be back after i got kiri."

"right, well i'll see you tomorrow." you giggled, your tail slowly swaying.

you awkwardly turned around to leave, and he watched as your figure walked to wherever you needed to be. his tail began to pick up pace as well as his heart and while he tried to calm himself down, you were more happy and giddy than usual, which was an odd thing considering your neutral, unbiased personality. there was slight pep in your step as you walked towards your marui, and if someone was really paying attention to you they would've noticed but thankfully no one was at that moment.

you both went home happy that day, you because you finally made friends with the one sully kid who didn't seem to want anything to do with you and neteyam, who'd finally gotten the chance he needed to become friends (and even more) with you.

[jordynbreeloa777]

REACTING TO THE 3D/UNWANTED CIRCUMSTANCES.

reacting to the 3D is when something happens that could have been the opposite of what you wanted, and you react to that, get upset and give up. Now it’s perfectly okay to acknowledge it, the 3D is still your life. Just know that the 3D is neutral, can change, and is never permanent, and that imagination is the only real reality. When I say this I also mean to NOT OBSESS OVER THE 3D/RESULTS. This is specifically directed to the people who affirm for 5 minutes then immediately go running to the mirror for “3D validation, or assurance” to know that your manifestation is done. When you’re constantly searching for results it creates the thought of “I can’t wait for results” which clearly applies you don’t have them. When you should be thinking as if YOU DO HAVE THEM. This is a hard concept to really grasp, but there is infinite realities that exist. You with your desires, you without them, the version of you that always manifest easily, the version of you who doesn’t know about the law, another reality in which you could live in a 10 story mansion. So CHOOSE THE STORY YOU WANT TO BE IN, DWELL IN IT, AND STOP TAKING NO FOR AN ANWSER! Be greedy when manifesting, you get whatever you want simply just because you said. This is why creation is already done the moment/second you desire something. Live in the end, and don’t feel like your waiting for your manifestation. Ignore whatever lack, or feeling of desperation when manifesting. Manifesting is so fun, easy, and effortless but constantly gets over complicated. It doesn’t matter what method, or technique you do, or if you forgot to do your SATS last night YOU are in control, and your desires want you more, it craves you. Your desires are already yours to have, not tomorrow, not today, not maybe in a few weeks, no. NOW. Happy Manifesting!💝💝

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for "not making time" for my ex

So I (21F) met my ex (24M) at an internship I held last summer. We started seeing each other and things quickly developed into a full relationship. We spent a lot of time together as we worked 10hr days together 4 days a week and he always wanted to meet up on weekends. For a while every date was an overnight and our physical relationship began very quickly.

Fast forward a couple months and I moved back to college as I am finishing up my BA atm. He knew this going into the relationship and I made it explicitly clear that if he wanted things to continue, it was going to be long distance (its about 2-2 1/2 hours away). Shortly before this time he became extra clingy and angsty about me moving saying things like I never made time for him (our dates even prior to were never less than 10 hours) and when we weren't able to see each other for a couple days he would want to call and would want to talk for hours because he missed me even if I was busy or expressed that I didn't want to be on the phone as it is a very mentally draining task for me.

After 1-2 months of long distance, these problems got worse. Every time I saw him he would complain about not having enough time to do stuff with me and would often stay most of the weekend even if I would politely ask to have some time to do homework or just be by myself. He would say that he could help with my chores, homework or mental health time and didn't seem to understand my desire to do things independently. He kept saying that I wasn't letting him into my life enough and said that he hated the distance between us and wished he didn't have to drive so far. There were other issues that also kept piling on and eventually after much back and forth we broke up him citing that "he wasn't good for me" and things weren't working out.

During the month after our breakup I felt many things both guilty and sad but also a bit relieved as the fighting in our relationship had caused a lot of built up stress and anxiety that had pushed me to a very low place. In this time we had called a few times to discuss things and some calls went okay but others took turns and would leave me feeling hurt and confused. We had a meetup to talk in person about getting back together and I said for the time being I think we're better off as friends. He is someone I care a lot about and I do think that he has some dark shit to deal with and probably needs to seek counseling. I feel as if I have been very forgiving and kind but also acknowledge that I likely have some fault in the demise of our relationship as there are things I need to work on such as boundary setting and people pleasing.

Since this conversation many things have happened that complicate matters and I honestly feel a bit lost. There are times it feels like we could have a new beginning and others where all the old issues come screaming back into my face. I've said I don't want to be in a relationship with him right now and need time to work through things and he wants to keep up the physical part of our relationship as he sees that as something that didn't need fixing.

Recently we met up and I had set plans with my friends before and after we saw each other. He showed up mad that I had set plans with other people on the day that we had time together since it made things feel rushed and he wanted to actually be able to spend time with me. This ended up blowing up into an argument and he told me to "grow the hell up" and also said that I "needed to learn how to be in a real relationship". These things were incredibly triggering to me as I am both younger than him and this is also the first relationship and everything that I have ever been in. He told me that he didn't appreciate the fact that I never wanted to make time for him and said that this was true during our relationship as well. He said that if I couldn't do it he had other friends that cared about him enough and that he shouldn't have even come to see me since it was clear that I didn't give a shit.

Now I feel so lost since I have even after our relationship never flaked on him and have been overly honest about my insecurities and everything even outside of the relationship. He is someone I still really care about but every time something like this happens I feel that he is not good for me even if he does really care about me in all the ways he says. It hurts so bad even because amongst all these things we still have really nice times together where we can just be around each other and enjoy each others company. I know that I cannot separate these experiences as they happen with the same man and all my friends tell me this is manipulative behavior but I also worry that I'm overreacting.

So AITA? (sorry for the long post)

What are these acronyms?

[hilacopter]

I think one of the things that annoys me the most about the anti Israel and anti Zionist arguments in general is like…

“Israel is illegal nation” (and the like etc) which, how are we presuming legality here? On which laws?

By who laws? The governments that voted to it? Making it legal? While not how most of the countries got established (getting voted on) the land in the 1948 plan (which the Arabs living on the land rejected) that was supposed to be Jewish there was already a Jewish population living there, with the lands they bought from their money. Never mind the fact that some of the Jews never left the land!

Gd law? Okay, let’s go by the Jewish gd since we talking about the Middle East. We weren’t banished from the land of Israel in the Torah by gd, but by the Romans who took over the land. I don’t recall any mention of it being gd who banished us.

So I don’t understand how Israel is illegal?

Jews, were already there. Some never left, some bought land there with their own money.

And like, why a Palestinian family that moved in 1930 to the land of the than British mandate of Palestine from let’s say Iraq have more rights to the land than the Jewish family who was living there for countries before them?

Bottom line, i just want to hear your thoughts on the matter and stuff.

-a tired and traumatized Israeli Jew that just want everything to end and for the hostages to be back home and is tired of hypocrisy

I think when they say that they mean international law, not that they really know what they're talking about. The recent ICJ ruling had people going "SeE ThIS Is PrOOf IsNOTreAl is aN iLLeGal ApARtHeid StaTe" when the ruling only referred to the West Bank settlements being illegal which, yeah, but they were acting like it referred to the whole of Israel (my guess is some people phrased it that way on purpose and the herd, not wanting to bother with pesky fact-checking, ate it up). Also as you said literally a lot of land in Israel was bought by Jews with money before the state was even established, which is something I barely see even people here in the jumblr space bring up. It's weird to me, I feel like that makes for a better argument against a pro-palestinian who'd rather die than acknowledge Jews being indigenous to the levant.

As for God's law I usually stay out of religious discussion because I am very secular. Though these people often say that Jews aren't indigenous to the levant and we're just going off of the bible (despite there being a ton of actual historical evidence) so I think they couldn't give less of a shit about religious law and religion in general (unless it's Islam because a lot of them really have a case of raging Islamophilia). I don't know barely anything about the Quran so I don't know Israel's validity by it's standards. If anyone with more religious knowledge than me wants to add then go ahead.

Why does that Palestinian family have more rights to the land than Jews who have been living them for centuries before? I wrote this again as a rethorical question because I wanted to try and answer from the average idiot goy's perspective, but as soon as I tried to formulate an argument in their shoes it fell apart. Their definition of indigeneity when it comes to this conflict is very flawed and simply put I think they'd rather base it on who's more oppressed and exotic to them than acknowledge the complicated history of the levant and the various groups of people who have and do live in it, their simple black and white narrative is just sooo much more convenient after all. They'd probably say that the Jewish family has a right to the land under Palestinian rule and resort to the happy dhimmi narrative.

I get that last part anon. The hypocrisy and double standards are getting on my nerves. But we gotta chin up because remember that we will outlive them. The hostages will come home as well, one way or another. !עם ישראל חי

[mazzystar24]

They are crazy thing that b/t fans When they say it's endgame!Are they really crazy? Is it because they shared two scenes and a surprise kiss?

ANON BABES WHY YOU FORCING ME TO BE A LITTLE DISCOURSE-Y

YOU KNOW I HATE IGNORING ASKS SO I HAVE TO ANSWER THIS

Okay time for my very complicated answer:

me personally I’m a firm believer in not icking someone else’s yum (a phrase y’all have probably heard on my blog like 20 times, that I am pretty sure only stuck out of nowhere after me and my friend where bullying eachother’s taste in men and now I can’t stop saying it) so if people wanna ship them and like believe they’ll be endgame then I’m like woohoo great for you guys but that’s not my beat

The only ones I dislike are those who are being very toxic about it and I’m like.. okay blocked

But as for whether I think what we’ve seen so far warrants the reaction of thinking they’ll be endgame?

I think that Tim is writing the new relationship vibe perfectly- I’ve said this a few times so feel free to tell me to shut up but- the audience is meant to feel what Buck is meant to be feeling, you don’t go into a relationship thinking it’s not gonna last you go in with the feeling of 50/50 chance, you have butterflies and you think that this could be really good and Tim and Oliver communicated that really well

But I will say that some fans (mostly on the toxic side) have kinda made this really elaborate and like deep and very devoted sorta romanticism of what we’ve seen- like again fully have your own headcanons and ship what you want but I’m just acknowledging that some people are kinda blowing it out of proportion rather than enjoying what it is and what could be like as you’ve said they had a handful of scenes together, two dates and two kisses which people can fully enjoy and ship and do whatever with and hell even I enjoy seeing their relationship and it’s little new shiny vibe and seeing their scenes (eventhough I’m a buddie shipper and have a few mixed feelings- no I don’t hate him or anything I actually am like mostly neutral to him- about tommy) but it’s those small minority that kinda just wanna act like their idealised version of their relationship is what we’ve seen on the show rather than what it could be (does that make sense)

Edit:

Also my opinion on why I think they won’t be endgame I think I wrote about a couple of times but summary:

I think the writing would be different if they were planned to endgame, I think tim is very intentional with things and I also go based off what Tim and Oliver said in interviews

[fandomlurker333]

My Argument for Homosexual but Panromantic Art and Aromantic but (Something)sexual Tashi

@seek--rest I AM SO SORRY BECAUSE THIS IS A BOOK. That's why I didn't put it in your asks, so I could put it under a cut.

Okay, so I think it should be acknowledged before I get into my thinky thoughts that art is up to interpretation and I am not really trying to convince anyone of my perspective. There's a certain amount of bias that anyone comes into any experience with and it's going to color their perception no matter what. And that bias could be anything.

It could be the experience of having been cheated on and really loathing any kind of infidelity, emotional, sexual or otherwise. It could be being queer and therefore more fluent in queer subtext (though, of course, this movie was pretty blatant -- bananas and churros and boners abound lol) or being a black woman and sympathizing with Tashi's experience (which I am and do), or having been homeless/hungry and sympathizing with Patrick or any number of other life experiences that lends us to partiality toward one character or another, or more aversion to/disidentification with one or another character's plight.

So, I just wanted to start with that universal acknowledgement first. And then also say that I love each of these characters in their own ways and so when I say something that could be perceived as negative, like Art is petty or Tashi is cold, or Patrick is trash, I mean it in the most loving of ways. lol Because I enjoy seeing complex characters come to life. I don't need them to be right all the time, or for their motivations to be simple. I prefer the more complicated motivations and relationships, tbh, which also plays a part, I think, in how I see them. My take on these characters is the least kind. I see them all as their worst selves lol

So my point is that some of this is just down to what we think. And we won't ever be on the same page, because we're different people. With all that said...this is why Art's feelings for Tashi are ambiguous to me and why I think Tashi could be read as aromantic (not just not in love with Art, but not in love with Patrick either. Not in love with anyone, just in love with tennis.)

It's been clearly stated by the director himself that the movie is queer, which is, in large part, a reference to Art and Patrick's non-platonic relationship to one another. Poly relationships could be argued to be inherently queer, even if the relationships are all hetero-romantic, but I don't think that's how it was being used. Everyone, down to the actors themselves and the people who made the soundtrack are aware of the movie being about "Unending Homoerotic Desire". That's gay. lol It's not JUST gay, but it is gay.

And to me, this desire is seen to be mutual from pretty early in the film, both by how they look at each other and interact with each other and through Tashi's recognition of their intimacy. i.e. working deliberately to get them kissing (not holding hands, not hugging, kissing, something romantic/sexual) -- Tashi, to whom tennis is a relationship. Who noted that they are Fire&Ice and was drawn to them (Both of them together, not separately!) enough to come into their space and fuck around. lol

We learn quickly that they've shared bunks since they were around 12 years old, that Patrick was essentially Art's first sexual experience, that they're incredibly tactile, attached at the hip, and that they move in unison.

My read of Tashi here is that she's young and having fun, and she has her whole life of tennis stardom ahead of her. And she's an enigma to them. I would argue that much of both their attraction to Tashi has much to do with her dominance on the court, her ferocity, her skill, and her take no bullshit attitude. I think it has as little to do with her gender and her physical makeup as it has to do with her race or whether she's left-handed. Tashi OWNS the Tennis court and that's hot.

But if we're going to talk just about physical attraction and sexual desire, I'd argue Patrick's desire is put front and center. Art's is....more questionable. Patrick is the one who shows Tashi to Art. He's the one who has been following her game, knows who she is. Has watched her play. It's established right away that Patrick finds her "hot". Art asks why he's into her "Is it her game?" (his first thought is her skill, not whether she's pretty), and Patrick clarifies, no, she's the hottest woman he's ever seen.

Small, yes. And something I can see a lot of people disregarding, but since it's already been established this is a queer film, and we have little dialogue to go off of, I think it's significant that Art's frame of reference, or the way he relates to women is immediately presented as non-sexual. For a horny 18-year old this is notable.

Then we have Art say, "Look at that Backhand" in a dreamy voice. Not, look at those legs, or look at that ass. Patrick grabs his leg in excitement, eyes only on Tashi. And then we have two boners. lol Okay, yes, Tashi is without a doubt a part of this, but the camera didn't show that touch for no reason. Patrick is not outside of the bubble of desire for Art, even here. He's adding to it. And later we get something along the lines of Art saying, "that scream". Okay, so Art's drawn in by her, yes. He seems to be mesmerized and in awe of her power and skill, how wild she is on the court.

Later at the party, again, Patrick is the one to articulate sexual feelings tied to whatever makes him mesmerized about Tashi Duncan, "I'd let her fuck me with a racket," visceral, physical, sexual, tangible.

They both watch her on the dance floor, again, there IS desire, but that desire for Art is not articulated, and STILL Patrick is present, being very vocal about his. So, for me, it's all tied together -- there is no separating Art's desire for Tashi from Patrick's desire. We only see it with Patrick present. (Throughout the whole film! Because scenes with just Tashi and Art, throughout the entire film, are without the evident heat, fire, and urgency that is very much present with Patrick and Tashi. I'll get to Art's ahem performance issues in a bit, but yeah )

Then the introduction, Okay. There's this kinda immediate back-and-forth with Patrick and Tashi. And Art's quieter, almost left out of the conversation until he inserts himself. Then she leaves them dizzy in her wake. And Art says they should go. Some might say, "oh poor doggo just didn't think he'd have a chance." Maybe! Or maybe he really was just going to leave without shooting his shot because he wasn't running this show, flirting with her wasn't driven by his desire. It was driven by Patrick's. It was enough for him to meet the future Queen of Tennis, may she forever reign. And they could go back to the room and jerk off in separate beds thinking about her, just like they had that other girl.

He said, "okay let's go". and Patrick just sat there, and Art smiled knowingly, seeing he very clearly was not getting up to walk away. It was Patrick who pushed this. And then again, in the room, Patrick who was STILL talking about her. And Art said, offhandedly, not sounding miserable or even all that hurt, just kind of knowing and teasing, "she's not coming man." Patrick is obsessed, the way you are when you're really into someone. Art is...neutral. Did he find her magnetic? Hell yes. But does he see her as a person who he wants to pursue and further connect to? Not sure.

Okay, and then we have the lovely scene where Tashi asks if they've ever.....and Art get all flustered and No No NO, and Patrick is the one to let slip. And we're also given this lil tidbit that Patrick has dated girls, is apparently somewhat of a player, and Art is...what? Said to be dating no one, possibly having dated no one? Patrick jokes "of course he cleans up with that face", but it's pretty much implied that Art hasn't dated. Again, small things. But now they're starting to add up for me.

Between Patrick being his first sexual experience, Art apparently not being all that into girls in general, and the already established intimacy that they share, I'm thinking hmmm, maybe Art is in the closet. First thought, right out the gate. But maybe not enough for some people. Cool.

Then we get the game. And one could argue Art wanted to win to date Tashi. OR one could argue Art wanted to win so that Patrick wouldn't date Tashi. Hold my beer. lol

Lbr, do you know any 20-year old lad that, had they lost a bet or a game, and promised they wouldn't try and talk to some girl because they'd lost, wouldn't try to slide into the DMs anyway? Like, be for real. Art is quieter than Patrick, but he's smart, talented, cute, he is the one who makes calls during their double's games. He isn't some delicate flower who can't have a conversation. He can hold his own when he wants to.

He does just fine telling Tashi he wants to kiss her when he's good and ready, so if he wanted her, why not go after her? Or at the very least, why not attend her games at Stanford? Why not ask her out to lunch? Why not get close to her under the guise of exchanging messages for Patrick? Folks seem to want to paint him as a saint. He's a teenaged boy. No one takes dating all that seriously at that age, especially not in college, when everyone is hooking up. I'm not saying he isn't loyal to Patrick, but the occasional conversation? Or just being friends to be in her space, since he had so many feelings? Nothing?

And then the FIRST time in a year -- a year of Tashi and Patrick dating -- Art sits down with Tashi and he doesn't talk about her game. He doesn't talk about how beautiful she looks. He doesn't talk about how much he's missed her or what he'd love to do with her (or have her do to him), he talks about.....Patrick. lol wtf.

When Tashi asks him if he's in love with her, what does he say? He doesn't say yes. He doesn't even jokingly say yes, in a flirty, teasing way. He says "who wouldn't be." Think about how carefully that sidesteps her question. Not "of course I am". "Who wouldn't be?" That is not a yes, fam. That's a general, anyone would be in love with you because you're Tashi Fucking Duncan. Thanks, she knows, that's not what she asked. She asked if You love her, and we know how perceptive Tashi is, how astute.

She knows what she's not hearing. That's why she asks again 3 years later, slyly, "you still in love with me, Art?" knowing damn well that man never said he was. (This isn't just about what's being said, this is tone, body language. We speak with more than our words, you know? Anyway...)

So, Patrick comes in to visit. And Art is visibly happy to see him. And then Patrick says it's for Tashi, "Why do you think I'm here?" and look at Art's face. The man is NOT happy. Why? Because Patrick wants to see his girlfriend of a year? Who he talks to weekly? (Who Art already knows he talks to, because they've been dating?) Maybe. Or maybe because Art and Patrick have literally lived in one another's back pockets for 7 years and they've been separated, and the one time in however long Patrick comes back to visit and it's for Tashi. Might that bother him? No?

Okay. Then the fight, then the accident. And now suddenly Art doesn't talk to Patrick for YEARS. YEARS??? Someone explain this to me. Your here-to-fore best friend's girlfriend gets hurt, (and yes that's what I'm arguing Tashi was to him at this point, because aside from one awkward lunch that's all we have of their interaction) and you see it. And she's understandably mad, because she has to blame someone. And you're....Also mad??? Why, again?

Because she's the love of your life? Hmmm, reaching imo, Art barely knew her. They hadn't spent any TIME together. And this is where the realist in me comes out. Very romantic to imagine one night on the beach (with Patrick present) and a snog in a dank hotel room (again with Patrick present) made him fall in love with this woman, but I'm not buying it.

No, his longest lasting and most intimate relationship to that point is Patrick. And that's why the silent treatment is so peculiar. Even Patrick doesn't understand why Art stopped talking to him, and it's not because he's an oblivious dick. Patrick knows Art. He knows Art's patterns, his habits. And he knows Art's years-long freeze out just did not make sense, especially since Tashi had likely stopped blaming him years ago. I mean, Tashi clearly didn't blame Patrick for her injury when she and Art met up 3 years after college. So, if Tashi's not mad anymore (at him, specifically. she's mad in general at the world -- she's bitter and angry and in lots of pain. but she's not holding a grudge at him.), if she wants to move on, why are YOU still mad Art?

Make it make sense.

I argue Art was mad at Patrick for all of it. For leaving him at Stanford, for choosing Tashi, for taking their friendship for granted, for not prioritizing him. And then, somehow, for Tashi's injury too, because Patrick had the nerve to choose her and then be so insecure he couldn't go one day without fucking it up. And then Tashi got hurt and that somehow made it Art's fault (in his mind) and he resented that too. I think Art's resentment and anger was real and intense and I think even he didn't completely understand that this level of betrayal wasn't appropriate for a friend. But that's my take. lol

Anyway, then we get into Tashi and Art. And we see that it's been 3 years since college when they meet up again. So, Tashi had time to fully understand that the career she thought she'd have is never going to happen. And Art says she should be his coach. And she's a better coach than anyone could be, and Art, Art is good at flattery, and he's good at saying the right things and showing her that he'll basically be the anti-Patrick. He will listen to her, he will do as she says, he won't try to take anything she doesn't want to give, and he'll let her lead, he'll let her take him to his wins.

And Tashi, god Tashi needs that. Not a dick inside her. Not a tongue in her mouth. A body. A healthy, working body to mold and shape and make a winner. That's what she needs.

And so let's come back to the opening scenes. I saw someone say it was so crazy to see Art go from getting dragged out of bed to a physical therapist who stretches him out, to a nutritionist who feeds him and gives him his meals, to Tashi who instructs him and trains him. The man doesn't own his own body. He barely has autonomy. He's given it all over.

And if they love each other so much, they should happy with their arrangement right? But look at them. They sit on couches and benches five feet apart. They don't talk about anything but tennis. There's two scenes in the script (only one in the movie) where Art can't get it up for sex and Tashi is trying to coach him into an erection. Literally coach him through sex.

Not like...he has E.D. or he's depressed; then she wouldn't be trying to Jedi-mind trick him into getting hard. In the scene as written, she says something like "come on, you can get there. We always do" Always. As in every time they are trying for sexual intimacy -- which Tashi clearly wants, or she wouldn't be trying to get him there -- this is what they're doing. Working to get him hard enough. Yikes.

At their age, this is pretty confusing. So, this goes into my pile labeled, "things that make me think Art is not sexually attracted to women".

And then we have Art saying "I love you" and Tashi saying "I know." Art saying "I just need to know you'll still love me" and Tashi refusing to give that to him. Art having to beg for affection "just hold me?" and Tashi literally looking dead in the eyes as she acquiesces. This is not a couple that is happily married, if they ever were.

I think they've always had these issues, this mismatch in their needs. But Tashi needs to win so bad and Art needs so badly to give that to her, and to be something other than what he fears he is (nothing, no one). That, I think, is his biggest fear. That Patrick leaves him -- as he did -- and he's got no identity, no function. (This is where that part about co-dependcy the director talks about comes in. The codependency is not just between Tashi and Art). He needs to be able to be something without him. So he sets out to prove that and in the process what he becomes is hollow -- a machine. A body to be used for Tashi's win (HOT! okay, moving on lol).

I do feel there is love between them. You don't maintain a relationship, even a very broken one, for 13 years without loving the person in some way, somehow. I believe that Art has a lot of respect, admiration and affection for Tashi. I believe he loves her, truly. He might even be in love with her, but, from what I'm seeing in the "text" as you say (lol fancy term), I don't think he wants her. I don't think he's sexually attracted to her. Does he need that in a relationship? Maybe not, but he certainly needs a level of physical affection that Tashi does not seem very wiling to give him. Not if he has to beg for it.

Meanwhile, Patrick says Tashi hates Art, a little. And I think he's right. I don't think she wants to hate him, but Art is healthy. More than that he's recovered from an injury and she didn't! And even though he's well enough and good enough to win it all, he'll never want it like she wants it. He'll never eat, sleep, breathe, fuck, die for tennis. He wants to be good, he wants to play well, and he does. But that hunger? That drive that Tashi had (that Patrick also has) to be the best, to dominate on the court, that crazy, insane love with the game of tennis? That's not Art. Art is tired. And he wants to retire. And that makes Tashi hate him a bit.

Now, I don't think he's just a "dick and a racket" to her, but I do think it's interesting that she said it that way. We can't take dialogue just at face value. Dialogue is always doing more than one thing, especially in film, where screenplays are just dialogue and sparse action. She says it, not Patrick. And she's defensive about it.

This is another little clue on the pile of "signs Tashi loves Art but is probably incapable of being IN love with him". lol He isn't just a dick and a racket. He's the father of her kid (maybe! o__o), and the man who gives her what she needs to survive (the wins). But that's...pretty close to being a dick and a racket. lol And well, being a racket is a pretty big deal for Tashi.

Now their engagement didn't seem to be a particularly joyous affair. Tashi was drinking a scotch pretty moodily with that ring on her finger. You say you can't see her marrying without loving him romantically. And that's, again, a very sweet sentiment. But people get married for all kinds of reasons.

Art was already hers in the most important of ways. He'd given her his body. If he wanted her to marry him, why wouldn't she give him that? Who else was she going to marry? She'd gotten into bed with him (figuratively) for his entire career. Her life is getting him to win the grand slam. Her ultimate romance is winning that.

Tennis is her love affair. Why wouldn't she marry the only person who could possibly get her as close to her dream as she would ever get? They get the tax breaks, he binds himself to her even tighter. What's the downside?

And as far as the kid, I have theories (look at her hair!), but suffice it to say even If that's Art's kid, people choose to have/keep kids for all kinds of reasons, no? And it's not always "I love this person, I want to make a baby". Again, very sweet, but sometimes people decide to keep kids cause they hope that shared purpose brings them closer together. And I can see Art wanting the child and Tashi agreeing very practically, because why not? It's what families do, right? They could afford it -- they had present parents, and their kid would be the best tennis player this world has ever seen.

For all her passion and fire with Patrick, for all the sex and good feeling there, she doesn't seem to be particularly enamored of him. He's arguably, the person whose gotten the most from her, the biggest rise out of her, seen her underbelly, and he's the only other person in life she's gotten into bed with repeatedly (presumably). But she's not overly concerned with keeping him for herself. Or getting anything else from him. Monogamy. A confession of love. Affection. She even says it herself,

"Did I say I wanted anyone to be in love with me?"

Maybe she doesn't because she can't give that back.

Sex is shown to be something she wants and participates in with gusto. Romance? Mmmm. Not so much.

The most romantic thing she's ever said has been about tennis. Falling in love across the net. THAT is her romance. It's why she was drawn to Art and Patrick in the first place, Fire&Ice. She saw their intimacy and wanted to see it play out in another way. But ultimately she didn't even stay to watch them fuck -- she just wanted to see some good fucking tennis. And the most alive she looks in her adult life is after their match.

To me, you can see she's unhappy -- that she only feels satisfied when Art plays good fucking tennis, but Art only plays that way with Patrick, and Art was determined to freeze him out, so they were both miserable. Art without romantic love and affection, Tashi in a sexless, unsatisfying marriage. It takes Patrick coming back in to give them both what they need. They don't work without him, love him or hate him.

So yeah....that's my take on Art and Tashi. I think there is so much there, comfort and partnership and mutual need, but.....the romance people are seeing I'm just....I'm not seeing it.

And I didn’t really get to Patrick/Tashi, but THIS is part of it too.🤣

[warmmilk-n-honey]

So lets talk about why the psychosexual elements of Sebastian and Ciel's relationship don't work for me and why I don't think it's thoughtfully addressed enough to justify its existence within the manga. I've wanted to write about my thoughts on this for a while and since my dadbastian post like two people have said they want to hear about this, so here you go.

Warning for discussions of CSA and the sexualization of children within the manga

The main reason, it's just fanservice and the thing is, even if this aspect of their relationship was explored or addressed the fact that it is used as fanservice fotter shows that Yana has no intention of exploring this in a thoughtful way, she just likes sexualizing kids. I'll be repeating this point a lot because it's like basically my thesis... So strap in!

I've seen people say that Yana is trying to illustrate that Sebastian takes pleasure in human suffering, and they use Ciel's panic attack during the circus arc as an example. I would say even if this was her intention-which it definitely could be, it still falls flat because ultimately the reader is meant to be titillated by the way it's framed. It doesn't matter what is trying to be said when we as the reader are meant to be taking pleasure in Ciel's pain and exploitation. That's why it doesn't work for me regardless of Yana's intention, there is no empathy for Ciel's trauma, not actually if we are meant to enjoy his suffering on some level. Lolita for example may be from Humbert's perspective but Dolores herself is not fetishized by the framing, the erotic scenes between the two are written as gross and unappealing, but this couldn't be less the case in the way she draws scenes of Sebastian and Ciel, we are meant to find it sexy. You could say we are meant to see it as Sebastian sees it, but I still don't see that as an excuse to sexualize a child character for the reader's enjoyment. Besides, there are many instances where Ciel is sexualized completely independently of Sebastian. For example in the public school arc there's that scene where Maurice ambushes Ciel...

It is very clear that Yana has fetishized Ciel's trauma and powerlessness in this moment for the sake of the reader's enjoyment, Sebastian's not even in this scene. I can't think of any other reason to frame the scene this way other than that we are meant to find a 13 year old csa victim sexy! What does this scene actually say about Ciel's character? That he finds some kind of masochistic pleasure when he is victimized, perhaps as a coping mechanism? Well that's never addressed within the actual text, that's not consistent with his character. See how I can just make shit up to make the fanservice seem like it serves an actual purpose? Like it's pretty clear Yana didn't think too hard about this scene other than the fanservice aspect of it.

On that note, Yana also likes to sexualize Sebastian and Ciel's power dynamic while not fully addressing the psychological effects this would have on Ciel. All of it is too sub textual for her to actually explore why a child survivor might have complicated feelings/desires towards a protector who is also being predatory towards him. It honestly makes me understand peoples love for Alois more, even if that aspect of his character isn't written in a respectful or descent way. At least his sexual feelings towards Claude are somewhat acknowledged, and Alois shows interest in his own sexuality (again doesn't make sexualizing a child okay but y'know what I mean). On the contrary we are meant to see Ciel as an effectively heterosexual character who hates Sebastian and has no complicated feelings/desires for him what so ever, so the fact that they are sometimes framed in a way that can be taken as romantic is rlly weird, both narratively and character wise. Also unlike Alois, Ciel shows no interest in sex or his sexuality-in fact he seems quite repulsed by anything sexual, so I find it even more insidious that the "camera" constantly has this voyeuristic view of his body-in the fan service and in the official art. Unlike Alois, Ciel clearly doesn't want to be perceived as "sexy," so why does Yana sometimes draw him posed in suggestive ways or with a sultry expression on his face? 🤔

this is kind of a bad example cause he's not "trying to look sexy" but still, sexualizing his body!

This next point is a bit disconnected from Ciel and Sebastian's framing but I feel like it still relates to some over arcing issues with how Ciel is portrayed.

So let's talk about Ciel's sex repulsion, and only being a survivor when it's coinvent for the plot. Let us not forget that Ciel was also victimized by women, but Yana shows a complete disinterest in what a survivor would actually be feeling in moments where he has his boundaries violated by girls and women. We all know the scene with Sieglende that's played only for laughs, or when Nina violates his boundaries, or when Ran-Mao shoves her tits in his face. We see Ciel is visibly uncomfortable by these instances and even when he sees a scantly clad woman, but all of this is played for comedy in the typical shonen manga way of guy gets flustered when he see big booba. Again none of it is meaningfully explored nor addressed. Is he actually sex-repulsed because of trauma? Or is his displeasure in those situations meant to be funny manga hijinks? Sometimes I truly think Ciel's status as a CSA survivor is just there for shock value (or worse titillation *shudder*) and to tie into her themes about the dark depths of humanity. The problem with that is that she is not thinking through the implications of having a character with this kind of trauma. Like he's triggered by someone touching his scar but not a grown woman shoving her tits into his face?! Make it make sense. Also by making it into comedy I find it dismissive of the fact that boys can be abused by women.

Before my conclusion, I just want to add that often times the fanservice can be taken as extremely subjective. There are many scenes of Ciel and Sebastian that can be taken as sexual if you want to see it that way, but can also be seen as parental. I fully believe this is intentional and you are meant "to see what you want to see" so to speak. It's one of the reasons I find it so funny when people who sexualize their relationship get mad at dadbastian, like you do realize she also makes them have pseudo parent child interactions on purpose right? (it can also be seen as a part of the fetish, eww)

In conclusion, basically what I'm trying to say is that Yana never thought of deeper reasons for why Sebastian and Ciel's relationship is portrayed the way it is, she is simply catering to shippers as well as fulfilling her own desires. She also handles Ciel's status as a survivor of sexual abuse very poorly. I've never read her past work because I'm not subjecting myself to that shit, but I have seen some panels of it compared to Black Butler, and I think it's is very clear that she has certain kinks that she likes to slip into Black Butler with no regard for how this muddies the narrative. She is the definition of the author slipping in their poorly disguised fetish! Even if I didn't think it was fundamentally gross, which I do, I also think it's just shitty story telling, most of this fandom is convinced that Sebastian and Ciel are romantically interested in one another, when the text itself couldn't be more to the contrary! And I can't even blame them for thinking that because Yana directly feeds into it! It's like a fucking ouroboros of shitty fanservice and lowbrow humor.

[sharkjumpers]

youre insane for that. youre so crazy. a man says "i see you" to sam and he proceeds to speedrun the most complicated father-figure/mentor and apprentice dynamic because of it. That might KILL him.

Oh my God I've had to type this out three times. Ok. Take three. First of all Mav said "yeah and Matt only said it as a joke".

I was trying to say: yeah, it's driving me crazy thinking about everyone's general inability to go unseen around Cass because her first language is the body--her understanding of the world and those around her hinges upon looking directly *at* them. She looks at someone--complete strangers--in a uniquely (and scarily) intimate way that no one else around them can manage by virtue of not being raised the way she was raised. It's impossible to not be seen by her.

But it's much harder for her to be seen by other people. She's always on the outskirts. Cass is saddled with a very unique loneliness—a disabled one that further plays into the connection I think she and Sam could find within one another. She is alienated on so many levels; the root of her lonely existence ties back to being raised by David Cain (a white man) in a bunker, isolated and alienated from any community she may have had growing up, robbed of any verbal contact with others, any chance of a normal life, and just any generally relatable experience. The Lonely City defined it wonderfully:

As if that wasn’t bad enough, there was also the shame of having been on the streets at all, the worry that people would know he’d been a hustler, and judge him for it. He found himself plagued throughout his early twenties by an inability to speak, to acknowledge verbally what he’d been through, the experiences that he’d had. ‘There was no way I could relate them to anybody in a room full of people at any party anywhere,’ he told his friend Keith Davis in a taped conversation years later. ‘The sense of carrying experiences on my shoulder, where I could sit there and look at people and realize there was just no frame of reference that was similar to theirs.’ And again in Close to the Knives: ‘I could barely speak when in the company of other people. There was never a point in conversations at work, parties or gatherings when I could reveal what I’d seen.’

And from Batman: Ego...

Cass lost her chance for a normal life before she was even born. My point here is she is fundamentally lonely and that there is an uncrossable divide between her and society at large. She can't go to school. She can't really make friends who aren't people she already knows from work. She can't get back what was taken from her... so she also chooses to make do with it. She forces herself onto the outskirts.

And I've said this to Mav before, but I think this will always be one of the fundamentals of Batgirl for Cass to me: an inability to coexist with a normal life. There is no way to change the past (though she's constantly trying to make-up for killing one man as an eight year old girl), so Cass fully commits herself to the anonymity of Batgirl.

Okay. Do you like my essay? I'm finally getting back to our friend Sam.

... who, in Mav's words, is the guy who felt so invisible he said fuck you, I'm going to do it on purpose. Who, in my words, is fucking (rightfully) crazy about being seen. It's something he's been deprived of. Unlike Cass, Sam is in.

He's not, but he is. He's technically part of society. He functions within it, something Cass can never do. But he is constantly being overlooked. Outside of Chinatown, he rarely registers on anyone's radar. Blindspot. No one looks at him. He's a janitor. He's completely invisible. And then when he's at the Temple, he's still being deprived of his right to be an individual. His own mother knocks away the only visible part of him (his mask) when he reveals himself to her. ("I don't want to see you anymore either.") I think if Cass came across this guy, his body would be screaming "PLEASE LOOK AT ME". And she'd notice it screaming in the first place.

So essentially yeah you're right it might just kill him. They would make great friends. Some things happened to me in my formative years that I don't want to tell you about but some things happened to you too. Idk maybe Batgirl is the lesbian situationship Blindspot needs. Can you tell I am autistic also and like comic books a lot. Also Mav says their tattoo itches. Anyways this all boils down to "Look at me and I'll look at you" I think.