#okay so they’re my 33 twins

[talkfastcal]

.

[silentglassbreak]

hi bestie is it too late to request? you said you liked writing angst, well, i love reading it 💔💔painfully unrequited love!!!!! gimme gimme

friends with benefits with (overly affectionate!!!!) Noah and reader who falls sick to her stomach head over heels in love with him. blurring the lines between sex and love.

going to a bad omens concert however long after and it’s like they’re strangers oOF rip my heart out and stomp on it idc. been listening to Novocaine on a loop all day. i’m not okay

feel to totally disregard if you’re not feeling it angel <33 thank you bby I love your writing 🥺🥺

Angst............. UGH I've been WAITING babes. My goal is to rip your heart out...fair fucking warning. MMMLOVEYOUUUUU. After Writing Notes: I'm the actual worst. I hope you don't hate it!

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: smut, heartbreak, lots and lots of angst

Can You Feel My Heart

Love languages are such a strange concept, aren't they? That seems to be a fairly new idea that someone came up with in the last decade or so?

If you like to buy love...your love language is gifting.

If you can't communicate well...your love language is affection.

If the only way you know how to show feelings is with sex...your love language is intimacy.

At what point are we allowed to call someone out for being a dick? At what point are we allowed to confront the fact that someone is skipping around the idea of commitment, and ask them to just admit what they really want?

This wasn't the first time these thoughts had danced around my head, in the wee hours of the morning, while Noah's arm laid heavy across my waist, him snoozing behind me.

Noah and I had been friends since we were seven years old. We met on the playground at the park in the center of the neighborhood of our small town in West Virginia. He told me he liked my butterfly hair clips, and I let him have the blue one. He wore it in his hair every day for three weeks.

He grew up in a broken home, only his Mom around most of his years, and even then - that relationship was...strained. So many nights he had snuck into my bedroom window, curling up next to me, tears free falling down his cheeks. We never talked about why, but it didn't take a psychic to figure it out.

He moved in with his Grandmother when he was fourteen, and even though he lived in the next town over, he still made it a point to take the city bus to me every day after school, even when he dropped out.

We were never more than twin flames, incapable of existing without each other, moral support for the other during any type of hardship. Looking back, I guess that was what built our serious dependence issues.

"I can't live without you, Y/N. I'll die if I ever lose you."

"No you won't Noah, don't be stupid."

He was stupid. As stupid as they come, because when I turned eighteen, and started college, he had paid one of his friends to drive him all the way up to Columbus to see me. He showed up at the door of my dorm, drunk and broken, blathering on about how only having been away from me for a week had killed him, and he needed to see me.

That was the first night he kissed me, and I let him.

As most people do when having grown up with someone so closely, I had developed an attachment to Noah very early on. I first recognized it when he turned twelve, and started skateboarding. He would insist on trying to teach me how, despite my undeniable clumsiness. His hands would grip my hips, his face so close to my ear, and his chest pressed to my back. He would talk in this deep voice, his puberty hitting early. I was awe-struck.

He was my best friend, sure. But he belonged to me, that's what he always said.

Even when he had girlfriends, I always came first. Dates would get cancelled for me; plans changed. Hell, he even blew off one girl whose birthday fell on the same day as mine. I was his priority. I was his person.

So when he leaned in to me, sitting on the edge of my mattress in the dorm, liquor stained-breath against my face, I just closed my eyes and let it happen.

He spent the night with me, and had to leave early. Vowing to come back, he never broke his word.

There he was the following weekend, sober this time, with snacks, DVDs, and a week’s worth of clothes. I managed to hide him in my room for four days before the dorm advisor caught him.

The second day he was there was the first time we had sex. I was a virgin, and he was not. That hurt me, sure. Not enough to deny him what was rightfully his. I belonged to Noah, body and soul. He took his time, walked me through it, and gave me the best possible experience I could expect. It hurt, and it was weird, but a sense of relief washed over me.

We had finally crossed that threshold. We had sex three times that week, until he was forced to leave.

That's when the words left his mouth.

"We need to talk."

That conversation broke something inside of me. He loved me, but he didn't love me. He was honored to have been allowed to give me something so meaningful, but he could never see me as more than his best friend. Our friendship was too important, and he wouldn't even allow himself to entertain the idea of jeopardizing that. He had made up his mind, and he couldn't have feelings for me.

It was with the heaviest heart imaginable, I sucked back my tears, painted an easy smile on my face, and held his hands in mine.

"I totally understand, Noah. No worries! We can just have fun, you know?"

And that was it. We were stuck in this sick, frozen place for the last two years. I was about to finish my Associates in Columbus, and hoped to become pre-med at Boston U, but Noah didn't know that yet. I could never figure out how to tell him.

Noah Davis was this heavy, bright flame that I was desperately afraid to extinguish. He had formed a band right after our arrangement began, and he was twenty-four hours away from leaving on their first major tour that would take him around the entire country, and then across the Atlantic to Europe.

How could I tell him that while he was gone, I was likely moving even further, and starting my life without him?

I didn't want to live without him, but he was leaving, and I couldn't sit and wait forever...

I breathed out a sigh, the light beginning to stream in the window of my one-bedroom apartment. He needed to wake up, drive home, and make sure he was ready to leave tomorrow. It was only 6AM, so I knew he'd be cranky, but I couldn't put this off any longer.

“Noah?” I breathed out his name. He groaned in response. “You’ve got to get up. You have to get ready to head home.”

"Mm, ten more minutes." I rolled my eyes, and began sliding out from underneath him.

His arm locked, and held me in place. I giggled, and saw as he turned his face, one eye cracking open. "Don't get up. It's too early."

I narrowed my eyes. "I have class at 8AM."

Noah used his strength against me, pulling my body to him and holding me tight so I couldn't get up. This only made me laugh louder.

"You don't need to get up for another hour."

"Not if I want to shower."

He sighed into the pillow. "So crazy, cause I don't think you do."

I rolled my eyes. "Dude, you've got to get home. Nick will kill us both if you're not ready in time."

"I'm not scared of her." He smirked, and I smacked his arm.

"Shut up. And get off me!"

He stuck his bottom lip out, pouting heavily.

"Not going to work. C'mon." I wriggled hard enough to break his grip, and sat up, stretching my arms over my head. He sat up as well, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

I pulled a robe over myself, turning to look at him as he scrolled through his phone, checking messages.

"Coffee?" I asked, and he threw a thumbs up at me.

I left the room, headed for the kitchen, trying to keep my breathing even. I had very little time left.

Filling the pot with water, I felt his arms wrap around me from behind, his face burying in my neck.

"I don't want to go. I'm going to miss you so much."

I leaned into the touch, taking anything I could at this point. "I know. I'll miss you more."

He scoffed. "Not a chance."

Holding me for a few more moments, he let go to head to the fridge, pulling out the bagels and cream cheese, and plopping down at the dining table. I continued my work of preparing our coffee.

"Hey, uh," I started, keeping my voice as calm as I could. "there's something I wanted to chat with you about."

I turned around, two hot mugs in my hand. He was spreading the cream on a bagel, already having prepared one for me. I sat next to him at the table.

"What's up?" He didn't look up at me.

"I told you I had been trying to decide where to start medical school?" He just nodded in response. "Well, I find out today if I got into Boston."

He halted, his eyes snapping up to me. "Boston?"

I took a sip of coffee. "They've got the best med program on the East coast-"

He cut me off. "Since when were you looking on the East coast?"

His tone was darkening. This was going to go about as well as I expected.

"Since I realized I had a chance. Noah, my GPA and scholar program gives me a real shot."

He grit his teeth, setting his bagel down. "Boston is far, Y/N."

I kept calm, setting my mug down as well. "I know."

"So, why would you want to be so far away?"

"Well, you're going far too, Noah. Your first show is in San Diego."

He sat back in his chair. "Yeah, but the last one puts me right back here in Columbus for a month before I go overseas."

I nodded. "I know. I'll still be here, then. You get back six weeks before the end of the semester."

He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You can't go to Boston."

There was a finality to his tone, and something about it made my insides flinch with irritation.

"Oh no? And if I do?"

"You can't."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Can't? And since when do you tell me what I can and can't do?"

He rolled his eyes, standing from the table and walking over to the trash, binning the half of his bagel he didn't eat. "We can't be that far away from each other."

Lifting my eyebrows, I stood as well, crossing my arms. "And why is that, Noah?"

He leaned back against the counter. "Y/N, you know why."

"What? So you have someone to fuck whenever you want? Whenever one of your little groupies isn't around?"

His eyes popped open, then. "What?"

"You heard me." My tone was deadly, matching my stare at him.

"You really think the only reason I want you close is because of the sex?" He seemed truly stunned.

"Well, why else would you want me around?" I threw my hands up, walking back down the hallway toward my bedroom. I could hear his footfall behind me. I just continued, stepping into the closet to get dressed.

"What is that supposed to mean? I always want you around."

Rolling my eyes, I clasped my bra on and popped my head out to look at him. "Noah, I'm convenient for you. Unless you have any other valid reasons to keep coming over, I don't know why else it matters."

His jaw dropped open. "That is not true."

Pulling my shirt on, I scoffed. "Please, dude. Spare me the act, okay?"

"What act?"

I pulled my jeans on, buttoning them before stepping out to face him again. "The 'you're my person, and I can't lose you' act." I quoted myself. Something about that pissed him off, because he crossed his own arms and stared me down.

"The fuck are you getting at, Y/N?"

I shook my head, brushing past him, and walked toward the bathroom.

"Noah," I turned to look directly at him. "we've been at this for years. It's kind of old, don't you think?"

His face softened slightly. "We had an agreement."

I nodded. "You're right, we did. Just sex, for the sake of our friendship. That's what you wanted."

"I thought that's what we wanted."

Waving a hand between us, I took a step toward him. "Oh no, Noah. That's what you wanted. Not me."

He was silent, then.

"I wanted more. I always have. I thought that had become clear over the years, but I fucking guess not." I could hear my voice raising a few octaves. "You didn't give me a choice. You came in, broke that boundary, and then put it right back up again. And I stayed, just so I wouldn't lose you."

I could feel the tears beginning to well in my eyes.

His voice came out small, then, his hands now buried in his pockets.

"What do you want from me, Y/N?"

I sighed, letting one tear escape. "I want you to love me."

He pulled his hands out, stepping toward me and taking one of mine. I let him.

"I do love you!"

I stared at him, my teeth ground together. "Do you? The way I love you?"

Noah was a lot of things. He was brilliant, funny, generous, dedicated. He had the most redeeming qualities of anyone I knew.

And sure, he could be stupid. But not that stupid.

He had known how I felt about him. Of course he did. That was why I kissed him every chance I got. Why I always let him in. Why I never dated anyone else. Why I stayed all this time.

But here? In this moment? He was the biggest idiot I knew, because he dropped my hand, his eyes falling with it, and took a step backward.

"I..." He huffed out a breath, looking back up at my tear-stained face. "I can't. I'm sorry."

I averted my eyes, then. I could feel myself breaking, crumbling right before him.

"You need to leave, Noah."

I could feel he wanted to pull back to me, like a moon in orbit of a planet. Gravity. But he didn't. He just stepped back toward the doorway.

"What does this mean?" I heard his voice, but wouldn't meet his eyes.

I sniffed hard, trying like hell to keep myself upright.

"It means you go on tour. Be who you are, Noah. And I'll be who I am. Without each other."

His body shifted, but I was stone, unmoving.

"I can't lose you." I heard him let out a light, sarcastic laugh. "I'll die."

I let myself laugh at that.

"No you won't, Noah. Don't be stupid."

7 Years Later

Residency is going to kill me. I may actually die in pursuit of this God awful career I've chosen. I was three years in to a five year program, intending to finish in General Practice, but until that time, I was just an idiotic twenty-seven year-old with no life, no sleep, and no clean fucking clothes to wear.

Every resident gets exactly forty-eight hours of paid time off every three months, and I had not taken mine in over a year. I finally had taken all of my hours - six days total - off of work, and after spending the entire first day sleeping, I was due to meet with Raylene in an hour.

Ray and I met at the beginning of residency, and quickly gotten close. We managed to find an affordable apartment together within walking distance of the hospital, and spent any rare free time we had together. She was currently at her boyfriend's place, spending some much needed time with him, before we went out for the evening.

I was digging through my unfolded laundry, trying to find something not too wrinkled or stained to wear tonight. Ray had told me we were going to a concert for a band she had recently discovered, but she didn't tell me who it was. I didn't care, to be honest. Existing somewhere other than the Emergency Room or my own bed sounded heavenly.

Finally settling on a deep red cropped t-shirt, black skinny jeans, and the Vans I rarely got to wear, I straightened my hair and applied what little makeup I could. I set out of the building to the waiting vehicle downstairs, Ray practically hanging from the passenger window.

"You look so fine!"

I chuckled, shaking my head. "Sure. Like I might've slept in the last two weeks?"

She chortled back at me, leaning in her seat once I was in the car. I waved hello to her boyfriend Sean, and gazed at Ray.

"So, Tyler isn't coming."

She frowned at me. "Why not?"

I shrugged. "Said he had a case he was working on, and he really couldn't spare the time."

She rolled her eyes. "Typical lawyer. Too busy for anyone but his clients."

Tyler and I had been dating for about six months now. Maintaining a relationship while having jobs as busy as ours was difficult, but he somehow managed to work it out. He would pop in when he knew I had breaks to bring me food, or have me spend nights off at his place, massaging my neck and helping me get caught up on my favorite series. He was an honest man. A good man.

I liked him.

Right?

It's so hard to tell what's like and what's convenient when you live your life exhausted and overworked, so I didn't have a lot of time to question it.

"Bummer for him. I'm so excited to see this show!" Ray was beaming in the front seat.

"Yeah, who are we seeing, anyway?"

"A band called ERRA. They're opening for a bigger headliner, who I've heard are pretty good too."

I nodded. "I've never heard them."

"It's rock. Metal, really." Sean chimed in, and I acknowledged him silently, looking out of the window.

My mind zoned out while we drove to the House of Blues. Ray and Sean chatted idly up front, but I was just enjoying the fact that I was finally out of the house for once.

That is, until we walked into the venue. The banner poster stared at me, the photographs of the band mocking me...

Bad Omens...they were the headliner.

Memories flooded back to my brain, my insides clenching at the visions.

I hadn't spoken to him since that day...that last day in my apartment. When he left, and never looked back. I didn't even keep in touch with the rest of the guys, for fear that I would be sucked back into the maelstrom that was Noah Davis...

“Y/N?” I turned to see Ray stood behind me, noticing my reaction. “You okay?”

My mind wasn’t comprehending what I was seeing. There’s no way that was them? The last time I had heard of the band, they were one-of-four supporting bands on much larger headliners. Now, they were selling out tickets at their own tour? Seven years was a long time…but how had they gotten this popular?

I wondered this, as if I didn’t know how wildly talented those boys were. Aside from Noah, Nicky, Jolly, and Nick Folio were some of the most intelligent and creative minds I had known. They all brought something special to that band, but I would have never expected this.

Huh. Guess he could live without me after all?

Something bitter crept into the back of my throat, but I swallowed it down, staring at his photograph on the poster.

“Yeah,” I tore my eyes away for a second to look at Raylene. “sorry, I’m fine. Just didn’t realize Bad Omens was the headliner.”

She raised an eyebrow. “You’ve heard of them?”

I pulled my lips to the side. Did I want to tell her?

“Long time ago.”

I couldn’t get past how different he looked in the picture. Last time I saw Noah, his hair was halfway down his back, he was skinny, and he had the thinnest little mustache growing on his upper lip.

In these promo pictures, however, his hair was short, not even reaching his ears, he looked much more muscular, and he had no facial hair. He also had many more tattoos than I remembered. That wasn’t surprising. Noah was a tattoo addict from a very young age.

Jolly had let his hair grow and had the cutest goatee on his chin. Nicky looked almost exactly the same. And Nick, bless his heart, had grown into such a handsome guy. They all looked so grown, so serious and broody. It almost made me giggle, knowing how goofy these guys were in real life.

Noah looked the most stunningly different from the rest. Not only did his entire appearance change, but his eyes…something in them was just so much darker. That harsh flame I had once known was so dim. It almost hurt to see. Almost.

We were making our way out to the pit of the GA floor. I had decided to get myself a cocktail to take the edge off. I didn't plan to come face-to-face with him, and likely wouldn't even get the opportunity to get a good look at him period, but still...just knowing we were in the same room made my throat tighten. I washed it down with Vodka and cranberry juice, hoping the warmth of the liquor would unfreeze my nerves.

The first band, Invent Animate, was entertaining enough. Very interactive with the crowd and high-energy. I found it pleasant, but couldn't get myself to focus long enough to notice what they were singing about. I struggled to breathe, the set ending, and knowing I was one hour closer to seeing his face.

During the intermission, Ray excused herself to the restroom, and I stood with Sean, feeling dizzier as the moments passed.

"Hey, I think I'm going to step out for a second. Get some air."

He quirked an eyebrow at me. "You okay? Want me to come with?"

I shook my head. "Nah, don't want you to miss the band you guys came to see. I'll be back."

He nodded, patting me on the shoulder before I weaved in and out of the crowd. I discarded my plastic cup in a trash can before exiting out into the main lobby. I found a spot on the wall near the doors that was unoccupied, and leaned against it, letting my eyes close and my breathing even out.

When I opened my eyes, I searched the room, looking for nothing specific. I landed on the merch tables, and saw someone oddly familiar talking to the lead singer of the last band we had watched...

The liquid courage is what carried me in that direction, smiling to myself.

He stood with his hair pulled back, as usual, and was talking with his hands. Same as he always did.

"Nicky Ruffilo..." I said loud enough to hopefully catch his attention, my hands now grasping the edge of the table.

His head snapped over to look at me, his brows knit together curiously. I could tell he was putting it together.

"No fucking way..." His voice sounded the same as it always had. "Y/N?!"

My teeth flashed at him, and he circled the table to approach me, his arms pulling me into a tight hug.

"Jesus Christ, I didn't recognize you!" That was fair.

Since the last time I had seen any of the guys, I had bleached my hair a pale blonde, lost twenty-five pounds, and had grown two cup sizes. I was, for all intents and purposes, an entirely different person.

"Yeah, well I absolutely recognized you." I said as I gripped his shirt, squeezing him tight.

"How long has it been?" He asked, pulling back to look at me.

"Uh," I thought for a moment. "seven-ish years?"

Nick's eyes were in disbelief, an amazed leer on his face. "God damn, girl. I can't believe it."

I pointed to the banner above his head. "Headlining now, huh? That's amazing!"

He smiled, proudly. "Yeah, we've worked really hard. A lot's changed."

My eyes fell on Noah's face on the poster. "I can see that."

I could tell he was pondering, a question hanging on the edge of his tongue. It was the most obvious question, so I answered for him.

"He doesn't know I'm here."

He nodded, leaning an arm on the table comfortably. "Ah, okay. You didn't want him to?"

I snorted. "I didn't even know I'd be here. My friends came to see ERRA, and that's when I realized you guys were here."

"Makes sense." He had crossed his arms. "Do you want him to know?"

Contemplating this, I let my face fall to get away from his gaze. I wasn't certain how to answer that, but it seemed like the answer was clear regardless.

"No." I sighed hard. "It's probably for the best that he doesn't, right?"

I couldn't read Nick's face, if he was disappointed or relieved. He seemed to be pretty satisfied with my answer, but I could tell he had more he wished he could say.

"Fair enough." Was all he gave me, before letting out a breath. "So, you still live up here?"

I let my muscles relax for a second. "Yeah, doing a residency at Brigham right now."

"Residency? Does that mean you're a doctor?" He asked, clearly confused.

I cackled at this. "Yeah, full blown doctor. Got the little 'MD' after my name and everything."

He beamed at me. "That's so great! Congratulations!"

"Thank you, Nicky." It fell quiet between us once again, and I could hear ERRA's set beginning. "Well, I should probably-"

He spoke over me. "Yeah! Those guys put on a great show. Don't miss it!"

I gave him another hug, reveling in how warm he still felt.

Turning to walk away, I stopped, needing one last thing...

"Nick?"

His face turned back to me.

"How is he?"

I could see the sadness fall over his tan features, and I instantly regretted asking.

"He's..." He trailed off, taking in a large breath. "He's different, Y/N. I doubt you'd recognize him."

"How so?"

Something about my question almost seemed to annoy him. Odd?

"Like I said, a lot has changed. He's changed. He had to." He gestured to me. "Same way you did."

I accepted this, not wanting to press any further. "Thanks, Nick."

He pointed a finger at me. "Hey, we're going to be back here in the fall for a couple days. Don't be a stranger, okay?" I grinned at this. "I know Jolly and Folio would kill to see you."

I just nodded, turning and walking away. My eyes met with Ray's, who was standing, watching my interaction. How much had she seen? Did she hear anything?

"Hey, what are you doing? You're missing ERRA!"

Her brows were pulled up suspiciously. "Who was that?" She pointed after Nick, who had now disappeared from the merch table.

I shook my head. "Oh, that guy? He's the bassist in the headliner band."

This wasn't good enough for her, I could tell by the way she pursed her lips. "Uh-huh. And...you just decided to chat him up like old friends?"

I groaned. "Ugh, how long were you standing there?"

She put all her weight on one hip. "Long enough to see you two talking like you've known each other before. Care to explain?"

Raylene was so nosey. She came by it honestly, her father being a police detective. But still, why did this matter?

"It's not a big deal, Ray. I'll tell you later."

I pulled on her arm, trying to lead her back to the concert hall, but she stood firm, eyeing me. I sucked my teeth in frustration.

"Damn it, alright, come here."

She followed me to the doors leading outside, and we stepped into the cool air.

"Alright, look, I've known Nick since I was ten."

Her eyes jumped. "Oh? Back in West Virginia?"

I nodded. "Exactly. I had no idea their band was going to be here."

"Do you know anyone else in the band?"

I glanced around, feeling wildly uncomfortable by the conversation.

"I may know the entire band."

Her eyes exploded, nearly shooting out of her face cartoonistically.

"What?! The whole band?" I just nodded. "Jesus, Y/N. That's insane!"

I giggled. "I guess. It's just a coincidence."

She smiled at me. "Well that's awesome! Do you want to see the rest of them after? They're doing a free merch signing."

Panic filled my chest, and I put a hand out to grab her shoulder. "No, no. I don't, uh..." I tried to keep my voice solid. "I don't keep in touch with them anymore."

Her eyes narrowed. "Oh? Okay, if you're sure." Something in my voice must have made her feel my anxiety.

We turned, ready to make our way back inside.

"It is too bad. The lead singer's a real looker. I heard one of the girls in the crowd say his name was Noah Sebastian? He's pretty cute."

I almost walked straight into the door, my foot banging off of the pillar. Ray turned around to see me, and something about the look on my face made realization flash over her.

"Oh my God, are you ok-" She stopped dead, eyes widening again. "Wait..."

"Ray, don't." I knew what she had figured out.

"Noah..." I put my hands up, glancing around to ensure no one was looking at us. "As in...Noah? Your old best friend?!"

I shushed her harshly. "Please, Ray. I don't want to think about this."

"That's the guy?! Noah Sebastian is the guy that broke your heart?!"

I was going to actually vomit at that.

"Fuck! Can we not?!" I raised my voice, which made her snap her mouth closed. "Besides, I don't know a Noah Sebastian."

She looked confused. "Is that not his real name?"

I rolled my eyes, turning to walk back in. "It's his middle name."

I spaced out most of what was left of ERRA's set, just trying to put the pieces back together in my brain. This night had not turned into what I had hoped.

I just wanted one night, an easy night, to take a deep breath away from my hectic life. Instead, I was reliving some of my most painful memories, and had a headache to go right along with it from the alcohol. My chest vibrated, the bass just making it so much more difficult to focus.

I stood off of the GA floor, near the bar area, not even realizing the band had finished, and people were swarming to grab drinks and use the restrooms before the men of the evening appeared. Ray approached me, another Vodka cran in her hand, and pushed it into mine.

"Here my love, drink this." I took a long gulp of it. "Do you want us to go? We don't have to stay..."

My eyes were fixed on the stage, where I could see people setting up the equipment. "No." I huffed out a breath, and squeezed my cup. "No, I want to see them play, I think."

She raised an eyebrow. "You're sure? This can't be easy for you."

My eyes burned into her face, which almost made her flinch. "I may never get to see him again, Ray. I have to."

She just nodded, arm linking with mine. "You want to watch from up here?"

I nodded, crunching on a piece of ice from my drink. "No chance of him spotting me back here."

She affirmed my request, and leaned back against the wall with me.

I felt my phone vibrate, and I pulled it from my pocket to see Tyler's name on the screen.

Tyler: Hey beautiful! How's the show?

I held my breath. What kind of a question was that?

Me: Fine. Almost over, just one band left.

He didn't take but a minute to respond.

Tyler: Having fun?

Ha, what a joke.

Me: Yeah. I've had some drinks, so it's helping.

Tyler: Well, enjoy it baby! You deserve it.

That wasn't fair. None of it was. Having to see Noah? The fact that I had an amazing guy, who genuinely liked me, who waited for me. But I still couldn't get my mind off of that irritatingly beautiful face about to take the stage.

The lights went down, and I felt myself tense, throwing back the rest of my drink. My teeth were numb, if that made any sense at all. Ray's hand gripped mine tight, holding me up.

A cinematic scene played on the screens, but I wasn't watching, eyes hastily searching the stage.

A tall man, who I instantly recognized as Jolly, stepped center-stage, a guitar in his hand playing the opening riff to the song. It was heavy, deep and soul shaking.

Folio came out next, his face, like Jolly's, covered in a black ski mask.

Nick took his spot, playing his bass tones.

And then, as the opening crescendoed, a voice rang through the speakers.

A voice I'd never forget.

"Can you hear me through the white noise?"

He blasted onto the stage, glory and all, face covered and thick black jacket on his shoulders.

He sounded different. Angry. Raw, Aggressive. The feeling that sank in my stomach pulled me back further against the wall.

The song played through, his words pulsing through my veins.

As quick as it had started, it was over, and we were on to the next.

The next track was calmer, red lights glowing all throughout the stage.

They had all removed their masks, and I saw his face for the first time. He looked so much older, making it difficult for me to believe he was the same person.

The words of the song resonated deep in my thoughts.

"I don't want to know all your secrets, cause I'll tell. It's hard enough being alone with myself. I don't know how long I'll be holding on..."

Breathing deeply, I watched as the crowd moved with the music, electrifying the energy in the room. It was intoxicating.

Noah had changed...

The set played on without hitch, the entire time I caught myself holding in breaths until I felt my lungs nearly bursting. I couldn't take my eyes off of him, feeling the familiar ache beginning to creep back in.

The music stopped, and a bunch of lights came up. By this time, Noah had discarded his jacket, button-up, and only stood in a black tank top, hands wrapped in what looked like boxing wraps?

"Alright, Boston, how we feeling?" His speaking voice even sounded different...

The crowd erupted.

"We are Bad Omens, and we sincerely appreciate you all being here tonight. The next song we are going to play for you all has been the biggest turning point this band has ever seen." I heard the screams, and did my best to tune them out so I could hear his words. "Is anyone familiar with a song called Just Pretend?"

The room rocked with the cheers and chants of the crowd.

"That volume that I just heard? That's the volume I want to hear you sing this with me, okay? Don't worry about trying to hit the perfect note or get all of the words right. It's about us all, being here together tonight."

The music played softly behind him when his lips reached the microphone.

"I can wait for you at the bottom. I can stay away if you want me to. I can wait for years if I gotta. Heaven knows I ain't getting over you..."

My heart twisted in my chest.

"I'm not afraid, of the war you've come to wage against my sins. I'm not okay, but I can try my best to just pretend. So will you wait me out? Or will you drown me out?"

The tears pooled in my eyes. No fucking way. The song played on, mocking me with the lyrics.

"I know the pain that you hide behind the smile on your face. And not a day goes by where I don't think I feel the same."

"We'll try again, when we're not so different. We will make amends, till then I'll just pretend."

My hands came up to cover my face, my lip trembling hard.

"Weigh down on me. Stay till morning. Way down. Would you say I'm worthy?"

I choked on a sob, my legs pushing me forward, and I ran out of the room. I felt my stomach lurching, my mouth clamping closed as I ran toward the bathroom.

I heard Ray chasing behind me. "Y/N! Wait!"

Flying into the bathroom and finding the first open stall, I fell to my knees, emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet. My hands gripped my hair, tears falling hard down my face.

"Oh God, babe." Ray reached to grab my hair from me as I wretched all of the Vodka out of my stomach, my heart and soul pouring out with it.

When I finished, I let my chest heave with sobs, my hand covering my eyes in ebarrassment.

"Fuck, Ray." I said as I wiped my face with the tissue she handed me. "I've got to get the hell out of here."

She nodded. "Okay, my love. Let's do that."

After a solid twenty minutes of cleaning myself up in the bathroom, we stepped out, noticing the crowd now formed outside, waiting at the table for the band to come out for the signing. Ray was frantically dialing Sean, trying to find him among the sea of people. I just plopped myself down on the floor near the restroom, trying to relax as best as I could.

"Y/N?" I looked up at her. "I have to go find Sean. He isn't answering. Can you wait here for me?"

I just nodded, defeated. She was gone, lost within the abyss of people, and I sat, waiting, head in my hands.

I was pulled out of my stupor by the sound of cheering. The band had come out, all waving and smiling. I didn't even bother chancing a glance at him, for fear I may vomit again.

Ray had not come back yet, despite the four or five texts I had now sent her. I had been waiting for a solid thirty minutes, people watching the line and avoiding seeing his face. The ropes of the line were blocking my view of the faces sitting at the table.

After another fifteen, Ray finally bounded up to me, out of breath, Sean in tow.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry! That crowd is vicious!"

I stood slowly, the room only slightly spinning. I swallowed the dry, disgusting feeling in my throat, and began moving toward the exits that were now mostly clear.

"Let's go." She nodded at me, and took my arm. We had to wait behind several people trying to all get through the same revolving door. My skin felt spiky and cold.

"Hang on! Wait!"

A voice behind me made ice run through my veins, and I closed my eyes, begging whatever God existed to spare me in this moment.

A hand gripped my shoulder, and I tensed, turning my face, and my eyes looked straight at him.

He had spotted me, running from his table to catch me. He had to have been pretty damn sure it was me to chase after me like that. Fans began to crowd us, camera phones coming out, pictures snapping.

The look on his face was much less certain than I expected, as if he possibly made a mistake.

"I'm sorry..." His voice was unsteady. "Do I," He cleared his throat, eyes bouncing back and forth between my own. "know you?"

My eyebrows shot up. He really didn't recognize me?

He thought he did, but now...

"No. I don't think so." I spit out my words, teeth grinding together. It felt exactly the same as the last time I had seen him.

He dropped his hand, eyes still transfixed on mine. "I swore..."

I just turned my body, pressing my way past the gathered crowd, not giving him the chance to think it through.

In the car, I stared out the back window, arms wrapped around myself.

"What did he say, honey?" Ray's voice was so gentle.

"He didn't recognize me. He thought he did, but once he got up close, I guess I look too different." My words were only a peg above a whisper.

"You going to be okay? I don't have to stay at Sean's."

I just wiped the stray tear off of my cheek. "It's fine. I'd rather be alone."

-

A long, scalding shower, two handfuls of shredded cheese, and a solid half-hour crying session later, I was laid catatonically on my bed, eyes staring at the screen as Grey's Anatomy flashed across my screen.

I had blanked my mind out, forcing myself to let the thoughts go for the night. I was too tired and broken to let my heart hurt like this again. It took a solid year to get over Noah enough that I was able to function again. My first year of med school was disappointing, and I didn't make any friends until I made it into the second year. It took me nearly three to start dating.

I couldn't do that again.

I had been ignoring the texts going off on my phone, assuming it was Ray just checking on me for the thousandth time. I did, however, decide to take a look when I heard my ringtone going off.

Who would be calling me at 2AM?

I didn't even bother checking the screen before I put the phone up to my ear, my voice hoarse from crying.

"Hello?"

"What are the odds that you haven't changed your number after all this time?"

I sat bolt upright, my voice catching in my throat. The voice on the other end sounded nearly as wrecked as mine.

"Noah?" It barely came out.

"It's been a long time."

I cleared the newly formed phlegm out of my throat. "It has."

"I knew that was you." It sounded deadly quiet in the background of his end of the line. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming tonight?"

I sighed. "Nick told you?"

"He might've."

I groaned. "Well, I asked him not to."

"Why?"

I scoffed. "What do you mean, why?" I rubbed my eyes. "We're not exactly speaking anymore, Noah."

He hummed. "That's true."

I chewed on my lip, not having any kind of clue of what to say.

"What did you think?"

"Of the show?"

"Mhm."

I sighed. "It was good. Different than what I would have expected."

A soft laugh came through the line. "How so?"

I smiled at that. "It's just a lot different than what I expected your music to sound like."

"In a bad way?"

"No. Not at all."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." His voice was so serious. So monotone. Nothing at all like what I remembered.

The line fell silent again, and I found this irritating. What was he playing at?

"Why did you call, Noah?"

I heard a breath on the other end, and some rustling. "I don't know."

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have."

"Maybe. I wanted to hear your voice."

My stomach tightened. "Now you have. I should go."

"Wait..." I held the phone firm, waiting. "I want to see you."

My heart pounded. "What?"

"I need to see you." His words were so matter-of-fact.

"I don't think so, Noah. That's not a great idea."

"It's not, but I'm asking..." He sounded so small. "Can I please see you?"

I perused the idea. "When?"

"Now?"

I scrunched up my face, sitting up again. "Now? It's after two in the morning."

"I don't care. I'll come to wherever you are."

This struck me. Maybe he hadn't changed?

"I, uh," I struggled to speak. "Noah, I don't know. I'm at home, it's late. I should be sleeping."

"Y/N?" I stopped, listening. "Please?"

I am a weak woman, and that is just plain fact. I was frantically running throughout the apartment, attempting to tidy any kind of mess I could get my hands on. Ray and I hadn't taken the time to really clean in months, so it was stressing me out. My pajama pants were hanging low on my hips, and I swam in my large sweatshirt.

My hair was falling loose around my face, and I was sure my eyes were puffy from the crying I had done. How insane was I? Had I completely lost it?

It was almost 3AM when a knock came at my apartment door, and I froze in place. What was I doing? Why was I allowing this to happen? I didn't need to do this to myself.

I was fine, living in my normal, tired bubble. I was headed towards a successful career that would take me further than I ever imagined. Why was I allowing this trainwreck of a friendship back into my life? What was I thinking?!

I wasn't. That was the answer to that question.

I opened the door, not sure what to expect on the other side. He stood, still as tall as I remembered, looming in the doorway. He wore a black hoodie, hands tucked neatly in the pocket. Dark blue jeans and black Converse. A white beanie covering his hair.

Like this, he looked almost recognizable. Except for his eyes...

Just like in the photograph I had seen earlier, his eyes were so dark. There was very little life behind them. Deep blue circles hung under the rims, making a pull in my chest show itself.

I just stood, blocking the doorway, hand white-knuckling the frame.

"Hi." Was all he managed. He was staring at me, eyes moving up and down my face as if he was seeing an apparition.

"Hi." I echoed, trying to not feel out of place under his stare.

"I'm glad you agreed to see me." He didn't move an inch, his jaw ticking closed with his last work.

I just nodded, letting out all of my air. "Yeah, well, you were insistent."

He nodded, finally looking away from me and down at the ground.

"I had to."

I pursed my lips, narrowing my eyes. "Did you?" He raised a brow at me. "Did you just have to see me? Because I think we probably would've been alright without it."

I could see his face fall, hurt by what I said, but I didn't care. He never did.

"I'm sorry. I know it's selfish."

"Mm," I pinched my lips together, and opened my door wider. "come in."

I stalked back into the house, not daring to look back at him. I heard the door shut behind me, and I steadied myself, expecting to turn around and see him vanished.

To my chagrin, he was still there.

Deciding not to stagnate, I walked into the kitchen, pulling a bottle of tea from the fridge, and walking back out to the living area. He hadn't moved, and was still staring at me.

"So." I motioned to him. "What can I do for you?"

Noah was so statuesque, as if carved right out of stone. "I don't really know."

My face lifted, a smirk on my lips. "You don't know? Noah," I placed a hand on my hip. "you show up here at 3AM, and you have no idea why?"

He shrugged, eyes begging me for mercy. "I'm sorry. I don't."

"Can you stop apologizing and just tell me why you're here?!" My patience snapped, startling even me.

This took him back, but instead of tucking tail and backing away, he stood straighter, face hardening.

"I can't tell you why I'm here if I don't know, alright?" His words were stern.

"Well you must have some kind of reason? Because this feels wildly unnecessary."

He raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "It is? So you didn't want to see me?"

I set my tea on the coffee table and stood nonchalantly. "Not really."

He narrowed his eyes. "I don't buy it." He took a step toward me, but I stood firm. "If you didn't you wouldn't have stayed, tonight. You would've left after you saw the band your friends went to see."

He was closer now, and it felt like a string had tethered between us, the tension slowly slacking.

"Yeah, well, I wanted to see your set. See how the band was doing."

He snickered at me. "Oh, sure. Of course." His hands finally appeared from his pockets, one running over his chin. "Which song was your favorite?"

Oop. I wasn't expecting that.

"The second one. Villain, or something?"

He nodded. "Like A Villain." Noah's eyes weren't buying it. "Which one did you like least?"

I scoffed. "I don't know, Noah? The first one?"

"Mm, and which one was that?"

I was swallowing the lump in my throat. I couldn't remember, the night blurring together.

"Uh, I don't know the name."

He took a step back, triumphant. "You weren't there for the set. You wanted to see me."

Rolling my eyes, I crossed my arms. "Still as self-absorbed as ever, I see?"

"Am I wrong?"

He had me backed into a corner, and he fucking knew it.

I threw my arms up. "Fine! Maybe I did. But you wanted to see me too."

He sneered at me, venom on his lips. "Obviously, or else I wouldn't be here."

"You still haven't said why."

"Why did you want to see me?"

My voice was raising, frustration growing. "I don't know!"

"I don't know either!" He yelled back at me, and my mouth snapped closed. Noah never raised his voice at me. Not ever.

He took three long strides over to me until he was only stood a foot away.

"I didn't expect to ever see you again, Y/N! I thought you were gone forever! So imagine my surprise when I see you walking out of the House of Blues, and you deny even knowing me!"

I felt like shrinking into a ball right there on the floor, ceasing to exist.

"I wanted to see you because how could I not?! Seven fucking years, Y/N!" He backed down for a second, his breathing becoming ragged. "I've been waiting seven years."

I furrowed my brow. "Waiting?"

"For you to reach out. To tell me you missed me. To give me some kind of indication we could reconcile and be us again."

There was a fire, deep down in my gut, that I had never been able to truly extinguish. A fire Noah had lit years ago. A mine shaft burning like the depths of hell in my belly that I had buried under concrete and therapy, keeping it at bay.

In my apartment, tonight, that fire broke loose. And there was no stopping it.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I took a step forward, pressing into his space, index finger jabbing into his chest. "I was supposed to reach out?!"

He took a step back, eyes now full of fear.

"I professed my love to you, Noah! I told you I wanted you, and you fucking left!"

He puffed at me, pointing a finger back at me. "You told me to leave!'

"Yes! Because you told me you didn't love me! You told me you couldn't love me the way I loved you!"

He squeezed his lids shut tight, growling and turning away from me, taking several steps away. His hands came up, gripping the beanie on his head.

"God damn it Y/N!" He turned to look at me, a fiery rage matching my own behind his eyes. "Of course I fucking loved you!"

My heart stopped, completely motionless.

"What?"

"I've always loved you! From the moment I laid fucking eyes on you! I've never loved anyone, no one, the way I loved you!" He charged me, backing me toward the couch. "But I couldn't love you, Y/N! I wasn't good enough. I was a piss-poor high school dropout musician trying to make a name for himself, and, until recently, failing miserably."

I couldn't speak, thoughts racing so fast, I struggled to keep up.

"And you?" He pointed a finger back into my chest. "You were smart, and motivated, and you were going to make something of yourself. I couldn't drag you down with me. I couldn't force you to follow this journey with me. It would've ruined your life!"

My lungs weren't working right, and my hands were shaking. He wasn't actually saying this. I was hallucinating.

"So I left. I left to give you a chance at a real life. Which, evidently, you've managed to build without me." He took a step back, then, dropping his hands. "And I, somehow, without you."

This hurt me, hearing he had managed to become so successful, despite my involvement.

"Noah, I had no idea-"

"No," He cut me off. "you didn't."

I hadn't even caught the tears falling from my eyes, blurring my vision until he was just a watery mess in front of me.

"You didn't need me." I choked out, and he looked directly at me, inquisitively. "You've made it so far. You're a rockstar now, Noah."

He scoffed. "Y/N, you don't get it." He looked away from me, focused on the wall behind me. "I died without you. Something inside of me was lost the day I left, and I never got it back."

"Well, you're successful now, so it can't be so bad, right?"

He snorted, shaking his head. "Success always comes with a price."

My lips were wet with the tears I couldn't hold in, and I couldn't keep my breathing even. I knew he saw it, but hesitated to engage, wanting to keep a wide berth between us. I couldn't take it. It was too much.

Hearing he loved me. Hearing I had been wrong all this time. Hearing that the heartbreak I felt for so long wasn't his fault. He was protecting me, even after all these years.

"Noah?" He chanced a glance at me, and I saw his own eyes sparkling with moisture.

I couldn't take it.

I rushed him, grabbing hold of his shoulder and clinging on, desperate to find relief against him. My lips smashed into his, tearing apart the barrier I had worked so hard to build.

His hands grabbed me, holding me into place against him, his lips melted into mine, returning the kiss fervently. We were hopeless. We were hungry.

My tears didn't stop flowing, emotion pouring out of every pore. My fingers clawed at him, needing to get closer. My hand grabbed the beanie, and pulled it off of his head, his dark hair falling over his eyes. I gripped it at the scalp, trying to pull myself closer.

Feeling what I was attempting to do, his hands lifted me by the back of my legs, so I could wrap them around his midsection. I refused to disconnect the kiss, breathing in his soul. It was so real and so familiar. How I missed it like hell.

His legs carried us to the couch, where he sat us down. My legs straddled him, and I finally pulled away to tug at the sweatshirt he wore. He made quick work of pulling it up over his head while I did the same with my own. Reconnecting our lips, my hands wandered over his neck and chest, scratching at the fabric of his shirt.

His teeth caught my bottom lip, and I moaned into his mouth. His fingers pulled at the waistband of my pajama pants, and I lifted myself enough to slip them off, replacing myself on his lap. His jeans were already getting tighter as his hands smoothed up and down my thighs.

"Fucking hell." He looked down, staring at my bare breasts in front of him. "These got bigger, huh?"

I laughed, taking a deep breath. "Yeah, well, things change."

His fingers gripped around my left breast, lips falling to circle around the hardened nipple. I let my head fall back, relishing in the warm feeling spreading throughout my body.

"Still so fucking beautiful, just like I remember." I pulled at the hair on the back of his neck. "Did you miss me, baby girl?"

I ground my hips down against him in response. His hand began playing with the button of his jeans, and I moved it away to open them myself.

I stood up to pull his jeans down to his knees, his boxers bulging in the crotch.

"Oh, fuck." I sighed out. "Yeah, I missed you."

His smile then was devious, some of that regular spark shining back in his eyes. "Then show me, huh?"

Reaching into the opening of his underwear, I pulled his cock free, taking a moment to remember just how large it was. It had been a very long time since I had seen anything quite that impressive. Dipping my head down, I licked a long stripe up the shaft, lingering on the head to gather the precome leaking out.

"Holy shit." His head fell back on the couch, his eyes rolling back with it. "Mm, do that again, please?"

I smirked, looking up at him. "Only since you asked so nicely."

My tongue repeated the movement, drawing out a hard groan out of him, his legs twitching. "Fuck yeah, baby."

Without warning, I wrapped my lips around him and swallowed him as far down as my throat would allow, gagging on the tip as it struck my tonsils. His hips jolted upward, effectively fucking my throat.

"Please, Y/N, I won't last that way." He begged, his words only coming out as breaths. "I need to feel you, please."

He was begging, and I couldn't resist it. I needed him too.

I stood back up, and kneeled on either side of him, carefully lining him up with my entrance. When I sunk down, that delicious burn pierced through me, and my body collapsed onto him at the intensity of it.

"Noah, oh my God." He ran a hand up my back, allowing me a moment to adjust.

"I know, baby. I know." He soothed me, rubbing small circles into my skin.

My hips stuttered forward, needing to feel the friction. His hand reached down to grab my ass, and lifted me upward. Without warning, his hips snapped forward and fucked into me, making a sharp scream leave my lips.

My face rested on his chest, whimpers falling from my throat with each hard thrust.

"Fuck, you missed me, pretty girl?" He was panting between his words, his rhythm picking up speed. "Missed the way I fuck you?"

My eyes were rolling back, the tears from before now replaced with tears of raw pleasure.

"I'll bet you've never been fucked like this, huh?" His words were just tones of desire playing in my ears, his cock absolutely destroying me. "No one can fuck you like I can, baby. No one."

My nails dug hard into his shirt, begging for release.

"Let me know when you come, baby. Not finishing until you do."

Luckily for him, I was riding the edge so hard it was making the room spin. Biting my lip to keep from screaming, I lifted myself to look at his face.

"Noah," I searched his eyes, his hips not faltering. "I love you."

He grit his teeth, trying to focus on me and his hips at the same time. "I love you, too. So fucking much."

My face fell back down, landing on the side of his neck. "I'm going to come. Please, Noah, I'm so close..."

He, somehow, managed to pump into me harder, sending my body over the cliff and into the warm waves of my orgasm. My body went slack against him as my walls pulsed around his length.

I heard him curse, and his hips stilled. I felt him spasming inside me, and silently thanked myself for my IUD.

We laid that way, sweaty and heaving, for a solid ten minutes before either of us could find the strength to move. I slipped him out of me, and sat up to look at him. He looked absolutely wrecked, in the best possible way.

I smiled, feeling a warmth spread over me.

"Hi." Was all I could manage.

He chuckled tiredly. "Hi."

-

After our excursion, Noah and I had taken a few minutes to clean up, and, being as exhausted as you'd expect, decided to lay together for a while.

He told me he had to leave within a few hours to get back to his hotel, heading to the next city bright and early, so I told him I'd stay up until he had to leave.

However, in my bed, his arms wrapped tightly around me, his voice whispering sweet words in my ears, I struggled to remain conscious.

"Do you remember when I bought you that Oasis album for your fourteenth birthday? That was basically me professing my love to you."

"I was such an idiot. I should've just told you."

"You have no idea how much I've missed you. I don't think you'll ever understand."

"I'm so sorry. I wish things were different..."

And that's how I woke up, light in my bedroom far too bright, and my bed empty.

I don't know what I expected? For him to stay? Fuck off his tour to make up for lost time with me?

But still, my chest stung when I saw he had left, but I wasn't surprised.

Something had changed last night, and the darkness that lingered in the depths of my being had lifted, leaving me with a sense of hope I hadn't felt before.

When I had woken for the day, clearing the cobwebs from my eyes, I contemplated my next move. He had surely left town already, but that didn't mean I couldn't keep in touch, right?

Pulling out my phone, I found his contact, and opened a text thread.

Me: Hey, call me when you can. I think we have a lot to talk about. :)

I set my phone down on the bathroom counter, preparing to brush my teeth when my phone dinged, and the notification told me the text had failed.

Odd?

I resent it, getting the same response.

Why would my messages fail? I paid my bill, right?

Quickly dialing Ray's number, I held the phone to my ear and heard the ringing, so I knew my service was fine. Giving her a quick apology for waking her, I hung up, and went back to my texts.

His number was the same, right?

I went back to my call logs, seeing it was his number that called me last night, so it was the same as it had always been.

So...what the hell?

My finger hovered over the number for a moment, and I weighed the options before finally resolving to just call him. Make sure I wasn't losing my mind.

I held the phone to my face as I started brushing my teeth, waiting for the call to connect.

"The number you have reached is not in service. If you feel you have reached this message in error, please hang up and try your call again."

[icyminghao]

made with love

pairing: dad!joshua x fem!reader genre: fluff warning(s): food mentions

requested by @notarshia: Heyy I really like the father's day fic with mingyu I was hoping if you could do a father's day fic with joshua :))) thankyou so much<33

summary: joshua wakes up to quite the commotion, and you’re not by his side.

A resounding bang that reverbrates through the house and a series of hisses following that is what rudely wakes Joshua from his peaceful slumber.

Groaning, Joshua rolls over and tries to drape his arm over your figure, only to be met with nothing. His eyes shoot open to see your side of the bed empty, and he sighs. Joshua hates waking up without you beside him. Joshua strains to listen for any more sounds outside, and briefly hears his daughters’ harmonious giggles. He sighs again and gets up to investigate the noise, a smile creeping up his face.

“You’re supposed to put the syrup first!” he hears the older twin, Jiyoon, as her loud complaint booms through the kitchen.

“It doesn’t matter! I want to put the blueberries first!” Jihyo whines back with the same energy, and Joshua chuckles, the kitchen now in full view.

In front of him are his two daughters struggling to prepare a plate of what Joshua can only assume to be pancakes from their earlier conversation. Towering behind them is a very amused you, who make no move to quell the possible argument breaking out between your twin daughters.

“It doesn’t matter what you want, stupid! These pancakes are for daddy!” Jiyoon tells her sister off in an annoyed tone, and Joshua can’t help but feel his heart swell at how they’re taking this so seriously.

“Hmph! Do whatever you want, then!” Jihyo huffs and turns around, meeting eyes with her father.

“Daddy!” Jihyo screams, running into her father’s open arms. Joshua grins widely at his daughter, picking her up and spinning her around. “Hey, you.”

Jiyoon notices her father, too, and bolts out of the kitchen to wrap her arms around his leg. “Daddy! You’re supposed to be sleeping…”

“Sorry, sweetheart, Daddy decided to wake up earlier today,” Joshua smiles, picking Jiyoon up with his free arm. “what were you guys making?”

“It’s a surprise,” Jihyo makes a big gesture with her hands, and Joshua beams at her in endearment.

“Daddy, can you go back to sleep? We want to surprise you,” Jiyoon tugs at her father’s shirt, making her best puppy eyes at him.

Joshua chuckles in disbelief and turns to you, who shrugs with the most lovesick expression written on your face.

“Okay, girls, whatever you say,” Joshua sighs, gently putting the girls back down before going back into your shared bedroom, not missing the way his girls scramble into the kitchen to continue preparing the ‘surprise’.

Joshua lies on your side of the bed and starts scrolling through his phone, and the door opens soon after. In pops Jiyoon and Jihyo, both holding a plate of pancakes together. The pancakes in question are look too good to have been made by a pair of four-year-olds, but Joshua pushes the observation to the back of his mind. It’s drizzled with maple syrup and littered with blueberries just how Joshua likes it, and his heart swells with pride.

“Happy fathers’ day, Daddy!” Jihyo and Jiyoon exclaim in unison, presenting the pancakes to Joshua. His expression turns soft at the sight of his two daughter standing in front of him, clearly nervous to see their father’s reaction towards the surprise.

“Thank you, my little princesses, I’ll enjoy the meal well,” Joshua chuckles, patting both of their heads before taking the plate of pancakes from them. The girls squeal in satisfaction at Joshua’s reaction.

“Okay, girls, it’s time for you to take a shower now,” the girls turn around at your familiar voice to see you leaning against the doorframe with the biggest smile on your face, and they scramble out of your bedroom after giving you and Joshua a kiss on the cheek, one twin in charge of one cheek.

“Did they plan this on their own?” Joshua asks as you sit down beside him on the bed, taking in your exhausted features with a slight frown on his face. “What time did you wake up for this? You had a long day at work yesterday,”

You smile softly, tucking Joshua’s hair behind his ear. “It’s okay, I wanted to do it. The girls got the idea from Jeonghan and bugged me to help them with it last night.”

“Jeonghan, huh?” Joshua cocks an eyebrow in amusement, proceeding to dig into the pancakes.

“He’s their favourite uncle, for sure,” you chuckle, “so, are the pancakes good?”

“It’s really good,” Joshua says with food stuffed in his mouth, and it takes you a while to understand what he said. Smiling brightly once you realised what he said, you poke his cheek adoringly.

“Of course, babe,” you pinch his cheek softly, “don’t tell the girls I told you this, but they only decorated the pancake with syrup and blueberries.”

Joshua simply chuckles. “Well, I’m incredibly touched that the women of my life pulled this together for me.”

You beam at him, planting a soft kiss on his cheek.

“Happy fathers’ day, baby.”

a/n: i am aware that fathers’ day is well over but every day is fathers’ day okay

taglist (send an ask to be added!): @slytherinshua @belladaises @xomingyu @pepperonidk

masterlist

[papil0nglegs]

Pretty please hcs of sniper and his girly girl extroverted gf/love interest 🙏🏻🙏🏻 your writing is so cool and fun

Pinkie’ 👛

Sniper x reader

A/n: Hey guys I’m back, did you miss me? Pls tell me you did 😛 this fic was so fun, I spent a lot of time editing it so I hope you guys enjoy it cuz it’s prob one of my favs <33

Warnings: Scout tryna flirt, kinda freaky but nothing too crazy

Y’all are so fucking cute, it’s too much. He loves how you’re just there for him, like literally just there for him.

To emphasize on that, Sniper never really talks back to anyone even when they’re clearly in the wrong. He’s not shy or anything but he’d rather just not start drama.

You on the other hand? The hands are flying if anyone talks shit about your boyfriend. You’re so ready to start pulling hair off of roots for him.

“Maybe if aussie over here stopped wearing sun glasses in the dark he’d see where he’s goin’!!”

“UH UH, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU’RE TALKING TO LIKE THAT? CUZ I KNOW ITS NOT HIM ‼️”

Sometimes he’ll say something to himself and you defend him

“Crikey, I need a bloody shaving”

“What? You look sexy! Who said that to you? I’ll beat their ass rn”

Scout tried to get complements too

“…man, I need a haircut”

“You’d still look ugly.”

Loves seeing your tummy, this bitch will bark like a dog for you to wear a top even slightly showing some stomach. He’ll lay his palm against your lower back to show his love for it.

If you’re into any animal print-like any-he’ll personally go hunt it down, skin it, then make something out of it for you

“Stopp this is gorgeous! Wait where’d you get this?”

“It’s homemade”

“Oh!!”

Grand entrances aren’t his thing but you make it his thing now that you two are dating

“HEY GUYS ✨✨✨✨💕💕 ITS ME Y/N🩷🩷🌸🌸🌸🌸‼️‼️REMEMBER?🪩🪩🪩🪩 and Mundy 😛”

“G’day”

He’s the only merc to cut you time for you to get ready

“We’re about to leave y/n!”

“Guys I need like 20 minutes please!! 😥”

“NEGATIVE. WE WILL LEAVE WITHOUT YOU, CUPCAKE!”

“Take all the time you need love, I’ll drive ya”

He’s such a shopping boyfriend. By that I mean he’ll carry your stuff and sit in the waiting room while you try on dresses cuz he’s patient

Learns a lot about girl shopping etiquette, like the ‘this is cute!’ thing

“Wait this is cute!” puts back immediately

“..hell was that?”

“What? It’s pretty but I wouldn’t wear it, plus 35$ for this is crazy”

If you take him to Victoria secret/PINK he’ll get so flustered. He feels guilty for staring at the mannequins

“Should I get a push up or should I get this mesh one?”

“Wouldn’t the mesh one there show off ya norks?”

“Do you not like looking at them? 😞”

“Hang on luv that’s not what I meant-“

When visiting the hello kitty store he learns a lot about Sanrio characters, he’s a fast learner but here he’s just confused.

“Okay so these are the twin stars”

“Mm, and this is?”

“Oo that’s Kuromi”

“Why they all got cake holes but Ms kitty don’t?”

“I dunno, I heard she’s not even a cat”

“Fuckin’ hell..”

You got him some hello kitty sunglasses, proudly keeps them hanging on his car window

[kitten4sannie]

I want your thoughts on this: how big do you think the members of Ateez are? Like in inches what’s your rough guess?

this is honestly one of my favorite asks i’ve ever gotten sjjshdbd. i discussed this with some friends so i’ll be giving my official guesstimates from biggest to smallest. also just as a disclaimer, this is all for shits and giggles, also realistically they’re prob all average to small but it’s okay to dream :’)

the biggest would be yunho ofc bc i support the monster cock yunnie agenda <3 i would like to believe that he’s around 9 inches soft, 11-12 inches hard and boy is it thick and heavy like man’s def packing some heat so his partner would require a lot of prep and ofc yunnie has no problem providing that <3

second biggest would be mingi duhhhh he’s a big boy after all so he def has to have a big cock esp considering he’s one of the twin towers so i would guess that it’s around 8.5 inches soft and 9-10 inches hard. i’d like to imagine that yungi have an annual dick measuring contest in the group shower but that’s another thought for another day <3

third place goes to sannie ✨ as the infamous dick grabber in the group he def has to have something to show off considering the amount of times he’s rubbed himself during the inception choreo or just causally groped himself for funsies. i would say it’s around 8 inches soft maybe 8.5-9 inches hard?? and it’s got a pretty prominent vein leading up to the head (not that i have photographic evidence or anything …. haha…ha…)

in fourth place is seonghwa who i think would have the prettiest cock at maybeee 7.5 inches?? and in my bestie’s opinion (love you mwah <3) would be tan and smooth bc of his melanin and would be a little darker at the tip. fsr i feel like it would be really sensitive too and it would only take a couple strokes for him to be gasping and gripping his partner’s wrist, whispering, “s-slow down, baby…” <3

anywaysss, in fifth place is yeosang and he def has the second prettiest dick fs. it’s prob skinnier than thick at 7 inches, and it prob gets really pink and shiny at the tip when he’s hard. it’s prob got a little curve to it tooooo uwu

in sixth place is jongho who i want to believe is a grower. at 5 inches soft, it’s nothing to write home about but boyyyy when baby bear gets all hot and bothered it grows to a hefty 7.5 and it’s def thick, esp right around the head. it’d def burn a bit when he first pushes it in so he always has to go slow for his baby <3

in seventh place is captain hongjoong who i believe would have had the most average sized cock out of all of them at 6 inches soft and 6.5-7 inches hard. it’d prob be a bit on the thicker side, rather than thin and long. i’d like to imagine he has a few little freckles on it too hehe.

and finally our beloved brat wooyoung is at the bottom just like the good lord intended <3 i’d like to imagine that woo’s dick is small, cute, and fun-sized. maybe around 4 inches soft and 5 inches hard and since it’s so petite like him, he can easily palm himself to orgasm or sit on his partner’s lap and rut against their thigh or lower abdomen until he shoots his cute little load everywhere <33

[nights-at-crystarium]

Fragments - episodes 31-35 author notes

You can find similar breakdown posts on older episodes in my pinned!

The chasm in their understanding of what makes Vivi tick.

The stakes in this scene seem low and the twins are just overdramatizing the danger for the sake of unwinding and being silly, right? Yesn't. One wrong move or word, and they join those leafmen scattered all over the place.

Finding the line between bad actor and caring sister.

Of course Alisaie wants to hang out with Vivi. She doesn't want to admit that to herself, let alone risk looking desperate in her brother's eyes. Tsundere moment. It's been a while since they've. Had a rest. Between rescuing Minfilia from Laxan Loft and making their way to Il Mheg. Alphinaud, at least in my hc, isn't as physically durable, but definitely as stubborn and proud as Alisaie, so he wouldn't simply agree to chill out for a moment. Alisaie makes him tunnel-vision her bad (?) acting and openly throwing the game for supposedly selfish reasons, while she gets what she wanted, AND forces Alphi to sit his ass down.

I’m sorry but I really need to point out that her ahoge did, in fact, launch into the stratosphere.

More under the cut~

....Can you blame her tho.

Vivi’s shirt’s a bit more plain than usual, he needed to wear something practical under his crystarium guard disguise in Laxan Loft.

The flashback in episodes 32-33 has no dialogue per se, only monologues, to emphasize how disconnected they are.

Technically both vivis are real, but Exarch’s memories are definitely heavily skewed. He’d only known Vivi during the CT quests, in this story it’s a month or two in summer, during which literally nothing bad happens, sans the finale. Alisaie, however, got lucky to experience Vivi during Stormblood, his absolute low.

Exarch and Alisaie sit on opposing sides of the bias, one wears pink glasses, delusional and bluepilled, the other one’s (heh) redpilled, perhaps a bit too much. Hence Alisaie feels the whiplash when her jerkass woobie friend suddenly acts mellow (back in the present), still she has the expertise to tell that he’s not affected by a fae spell or anything.

Full page because I’m so proud of the paneling here, simple as this trick is, these speech bubbles blocking Vivi from sight neatly illustrate that Alisaie just babbles away, paying no heed to his state.

With the power of flashbacks and stories told by one character to another, I’m able to revisit any moment in their past whenever I please. I didn’t commit to a linear story because there was no story! Well, just the outlines. Vivi as a character began in ShB because I really needed to fuck that old man, I started writing down the lil scenes loosely connected by the canon plot, and that’s how the whole concept of Fragments came to be.

It may not work for everyone, but my secret sauce’s that you don’t have to begin at the beginning. Make a guy, put him in a situation, then ask a lot of whys and hows to expand his story backward and forward.

Keeping the past events for later allows me to flesh things out at a leisurely pace. This Alisaie flashback is actually an iteration, originally I’d planned to have Vivi stand alone and just think the broody thoughts, and that was supposed to be the transition between ARR and ShB arcs. I grow more writing muscle as I go, and I’m infinitely happy that I avoided that angsty infodump.

Okay this’s becoming a big fat tangent, but I wanted to acknowledge another pitfall: overusing a character as a mere exposition tool. I wouldn’t do this for, say, Tataru or Y’shtola. Being THE flashback haver makes sense for Alisaie because a) they’re close with Vivi, b) her worldview and opinion on Vivi are changing in ShB, she’s a smart lil thing who would slow down and reflect when appropriate, c) she has a distinct arc in my comic, and knowing what’s going on inside that elf brain will give you the most entertainment out of her actions in the present moment.

I’m new to writing and very excited about the story that comes together as we speak, so I like to show around my kitchen. Please lemme know if you enjoy this. I don’t know if I’m parroting the boring 101s, or if this’s actually useful to someone.

“Meals made for me” YEA HE CAN’T COOK. Well, barely.

New sharp outfit, procured by our most magnanimous branch. The “tail” will help me draw the upcoming Titania fight, it adds fluidity to his movements.

*presses the upgrade button*

There's a lot happening in his head that's not being shown. I hope at least some readers wonder who or what he leaves behind in his mind's eye in this moment. What we know for sure is that he doesn’t take too long to make a decision.

Not sure if subtle, but I did try the breadcrumbing:

Unfortunately for everyone, including himself :’>

I love this one especially because, instead of telling that about himself, Vivi asks Ardbert, kinda gauging his wol experience against the other wol’s.

Episode 34 really shook people awake and reminded that we’re off the msq rails with this story. I loved the response it evoked in the tags, lots of thoughtful rambling about being a hero.

Fae temptation jokes and all, but Feo Ul really says what Vivi needs to say out loud to himself.

Normalize prioritizing self-care over world-saving.

Vivi genuinely cares about Feo Ul. That’s unusual. It might be my storytelling mistake that I didn’t show much of his typical indifference before this scene, unless you count the episodes where he does this

instead of hurrying the fuck up with the msq. Or, perhaps, it’s okay, since this gets plenty of attention later on. You won’t miss the fact that he isn’t eager to set himself on fire to keep others warm. Feo Ul just lucked their way into his heart, and, as a result, he approaches the Titania fight with unusual consideration.

/srs mode on ^

Remember how I just talked about developing this story in all directions at once? I planned Vivi to have this demeanor during the early days of writing Fragments. Like, most of the time. He’d be a broody bitch, get slowly thawed by Exarch’s kindness, and... That’d be it. In veeeeeery broad strokes, this’s still the case, but the current iteration has much more nuance.

Vivi and Titania’s likeness has no deep meaning, take it or leave it. Vivi cares about appearances, he was bound to notice this. Feo Ul can see souls, visuals are secondary to them. But Vivi, being himself, must doubt and question everything.

He moves fast and thinks a lot as the adrenaline speeds him up.

Notice how he lets Titania speak and remains quiet. This’s common in most fights: he doesn’t indulge with chats or banter those who he sees as mere targets to destroy. There’s like a point of no return, if an enemy poses no threat and can be talked out of dying, Vivi will speak, sadly he enters this fight knowing that Titania has to die no matter what.

Once he’s familiarized himself with the situation, and realized that Titania’s more than just a mindless husk, things change up a bit. But for now, he just runs in circles, analyzes the situation, and overthinks about their visual resemblance :’>

Sorry not sorry but unintentional reference x’DD

To be fair Vivi IS being a magical boy in this miniarc so this works lmao.

Wrapping up on this note, thanks for sticking with me and reading till the end~

[ghostedeabha]

hello! i read your family fic and absolutely loved it with all my heart<3333 i was wondering if you could write more about the riley family :33

maybe they’re celebrating someone in the family’s birthday! your pick on who it is :D

but i would love to see what you do with this<3333

you ask for birthday and i raise you:

soldier returning home for his children's birthday����

i hope you enjoy !! <3

simon "ghost" riley x mom!reader/children!ocs

word count: 1433

warnings: pure pure fluff, tears of joy, so so so so much crying from reader and the 17 year old son (bc men are allowed to be vulnerable too <3)

a/n: simon returing from a mission early for the twins' fourth birthday?? i think yes :) idk why but this is immediately what came to mind when i read this request. this fic takes place just before the riley family vacation to soap's beach house <3 in my mind it's like early july

a/n 2.0: also we officially have names for the riley kids. bug, matthew, lyla and luka <3

--------

"mandy it's not his fault he can't be here, he's literally in a another country fighting a war right now. i'm sure he's just as heartbroken about it as the rest of us." you sighed to your sister in law.

it was the twins' fourth birthday, you and your sister's wife mandy, were in the kitchen prepping the food for their birthday party in 20 minutes.

"i don't know, i just think he should've asked for the time off. he knows when his kids' birthdays are." the blonde said as she cut up some strawberries.

"he can't just request time off in his job. his job isn't like a 9-5 mandy."

you were starting to get frustrated with the conversation so you just decided to change the topic and turn the attention towards the stars of the day, the twins.

"anyhow, the twins are going to wake up from their nap any minute now so i'm gonna go upstairs and shower really quick before i lose the opportunity."

"alright, i'll start bringing the food and games outside."

"okay, bug and matthew should be out there setting up the tables and decorations so ask them for help if you need it. when is erin coming back again?"

"she said she'd be back just after the party started, she needs to go pick up the rest of lyla and luka's gifts."

"gifts? plural? mandy, you two already brought like four seperate bags of gifts! they're four they don't need this much." you replied with a laugh, disbelief overtaking you as mandy reveals her and your sister were absolutely spoiling your children.

"they deserve it! plus, i promise, you'll like this last part she's getting too. now go! go! get your shower."

"god, you two are insufferable." you mutter, mostly to yourself, with a slight laugh as you walk up the stairs to get to your room and take a quick shower.

almost immediately after you step out of the shower and wrap a towel around yourself, the cries of one of the twins rang through the house, their cries triggering the cries from their twin. you let out a soft sigh and dried yourself off as quickly as possible and slipped on your bathrobe, making your way to the twins' room.

"awake from your nap my darlings?" you say softly as you enter their room and approach their separate cribs.

lifting luka from his crib first, you hold him out for a moment and then bring him close, pressed to your chest.

"happy birthday, my sweet pumpkin." you say softly, rocking the crying infant whose cries die down slowly now that he is in the arms of someone safe and loving.

you walk over to lyla's crib, adjusting luka in your arms to carry him in just one so you can reach in a hand to lyla to let her know you're there.

her cries begin to cease as she grabs at your hand.

"hi there baby, did you nap well angel? happy birthday~" you coo at her.

lyla nods as she grabs at your fingers.

"i'm gonna put your brother in here with you for a moment so i can go get your outfits." you tell her with a smile as you set luka in the crib with lyla.

you turn to their dresser and pick out their outfits for the party, you suppose you'll just have to get dressed in a few minutes.

it was a bit of a struggle to get the outfits on thr twins, both having woken from their naps with a lot of energy meanth they were wiggling around as you were trying to change them and that only prolonged the task.

eventually though, you were successful and placed the two down onto the floor and smiled at them. "goodness, look at how cute you two are... gotta take a picture for daddy, yeah? look at mummy, smile!"

you take your phone out from the pocket if your bathrobe and snap a picture of lyla and luka, adorable smiles on their faces.

a small twinge of sadness pokes at you as you take the picture, sad that simon will only get to see them on their birthday through a picture. celebrating his babies' birthday alone on base.

nonetheless you shake off your negative thoughts and pocket your phone once more, picking the twins up and carrying them both back to your room so you could keep an eye on them as you tried your best to get ready in time for the party

you were now 40 minutes into the party, games being played, the bunch of kids in your backyard ran around and laughed happily. you scanned the area, taking note of where all your own children are.

bug was playing in the dirt with lyla, probably looking for critters, something they bonded over frequently.

matthew was playing tag with luka and some of the other little kids, letting them tag him as they played.

"erin should be back in about five or so minutes." mandy says from behind you, causing you to jump a little at the suddenness.

"jeez! oh, okay.." you reply, putting a hand over your heart to calm yourself as you laughed a little from nerves.

"we should probably start opening presents, yeah?" mandy suggests, motioning to the overflowing presents table.

you couldn't say you didn't spoil your kids, that's for sure.

"yeah, you're right." you nod and begin to call out to the guests and your family.

"guys! it's time for presents and cake!"

"present!" you hear luka scream excitedly, beginning to try and run over to you.

you laugh at his cuteness and sit down, letting everyone gather around, situating the twins on your lap while they open their presents.

you were almost to the end of all the presents when you heard the patio door slid open and closed, erin walking through with a few bags in her hands.

"so sorry i'm late! but i have lots of presents!" she calls, waking over to you and the twins as she holds up the bags.

"here, here, take them." she says, pushing them all onto the table.

"thanks erin, you really didn't have to get this much." you reply with a laugh, letting both of the twins reach out to try and grab the bags, you make sure they grab their own bags, watching as they opened them excitedly.

"okay, erin and i have one more present, but it's for all five of you. gimme just a minute, i'll be right back with it, it's a big gift." mandy says as the twins finish opening their presents.

this makes you look at erin and mandy, a confused and almost worried look on your face. you knew your sister and her wife pretty well and there's so many ways this could go.

mandy runs into the house as everyone at the party waits in anticipation for whatever the hell mandy could've brought.

when mandy returns, her gift is the very last thing you expect.

simon walks through the back door with her, a smile on his unmasked face.

"daddy!" lyla squeals loudly, wiggling from your lap to run over to simon, hugging his leg as she cried from her overwhelming happiness.

"dad?!" you hear matthew and bug yell in shock, both of their voices cracking.

matthew full on runs into simon's arms, hugging his father as tight as he possible could as he also cried, overwhelmed by shock and happiness. he sobbed hard into simon's shoulder as simon chuckled and rubbed his back. "missed you too bud."

"oh my god.. simon?" you say softly, getting up from your seat as you keep luka in your shaking arms.

"c'mere, love." simon responds, motioning in a come hither motion to you.

like you were on autopilot, your feet carried you and luka over to simon, joining in on the family hug. bug was the last to join, wrapping their arms tightly around simon from behind.

"i missed you all so much..." simon says softly, quiet enough for just your sweet little family to hear.

"we missed you too dad." matthew says between sniffles, his emotions still getting the best of him.

"and happy birthday to my two little rascals, you're... three now right?" simon says, teasing the twins.

"no! daddy silly! we dis many." lyla says with a giggle, holding up four fingers in her father's face.

"ah yes, my mistake princess." he chuckles and gives her little head a kiss.

this was definitely the best birthday party you could've ever had for the twins.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

Ari I’m crawling through the desert in need of water…humbly I beg & plead for your Ken-geto twin AU headcanons 🙏🙏🙏 I think they’re the only thing that can quench my soul rn

ODI . MY BELOVED . I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS WAHHHH pls take a seat and get ready for a long long rant……… i’ll do my best to quench your thirst 🙏🙏🙏

OKAY SO . god. where do i even begin………

basically!!!!! i’m writing a fic where kenny is. your best friend’s older brother <33333 the best friend in question being sugu!!! i still haven’t decided if they’re twins or if kenny is a couple years older…… buuuut either way i have lots n lots of thoughts abt their dynamic :33 and how the two of them treat you!!!! sugu is just…. your reliable, soft best friend, and kenny is . the way he is 😭 but anyway…..

i picture kenny as being a bitttt of a bad boy in this au?? not exactly. but like. he has a tongue piercing and moved out really early and he’s maybe a little bit twisted . cares abt suguru but can’t really show it. he’s silly and talkative but also a bit condescending…. a bit of a know it all…… i feel like he almost acts more like a father than an older brother sometimes which suguru absolutely hates 😭 there’s a lot of tension between them!!

personality wise i feel like suguru sort of . adapts to kenjaku? he’s a bit of a social chameleon. and he really doesn’t like the idea of people seeing them as similar…. so if kenny is acting more serious and pretentious, suguru acts more childish — and if kenny acts more silly then suguru takes a more responsible role . it’s like that!!! it’s weird bc i see suguru as being very sincere at heart, and kenny as being fairly insincere, but with the way they act you could get the impression that it’s the other way around. kenny doesn’t care abt how others view him, suguru very much does. but sugu has a sincerity to him that kenny kind of lacks?? ig it’s less that kenny is insincere and more that he’s just. detached. in a way.

also sidenote kinda but !!! i picture both sugu and kenny as sweater boys 😭😭 they LOVE their sweaters. i feel like kenny wears turtlenecks religiously. and sugu goes out of his way to wear more leather jackets and hoodies bc he doesn’t like when they’re wearing the same stuff LMAO…. kenny sometimes makes their outfits match just to piss him off <333

anddddd going back to the whole . brotherly rivalry stuff…… i think kenny was always a bit of a black sheep growing up . and bc of that suguru automatically became the golden child!!! sugu can be mischievous and bratty but he gets away w it bc he’s the youngest/good at hiding it…. and in front of their parents he’s always very straightlaced. it’s almost like suguru holds back just so that he won’t appear similar to his brother, which i think kenny kind of finds pathetic. there’s just soooo much to their dynamic 😭😭 they’re similar and different and just. gah. they give me a headache!!!! bc kenny is such a wildcard in the way that he acts, and suguru is so prone to changing himself depending on the situation he’s in.

but overall i just feel like kenny is pretentious and teasing…. and kinda mean . while sugu is well-behaved and calm, but a little more teasing and silly around people he’s close to….. and he’s also super kind . he’s warm!!!! and kenny is sort of cold. that’s the way i picture their dynamic. but it’s very fluid i think …. sometimes kenny acts like the oldest, sometimes the youngest LMAO

ANYWAYYYY gosh i’m already yapping so much 😭😭😭 I HOPE YOU’RE STILL HERE ODI ….. here’s another drink for you 🧋 .

now !!!! when it comes to their dynamic with you…… 👀👀 suguru is just a protective softie. he loves you so much!!! you’re his bestie!!!! and you’re the only one he ever acts bratty and pouty with…. he just feels comfortable around you :’3 so he can let his guard down and be a little silly… a little teasing….. but he’s always always always taking care of you . a warm sunflower boy <333333

then there’s kenny who . bullies you a bit 😭 JUST A BIT . bc he likes seeing your reactions <3 he’s kind of like your typical intimidating best friend’s brother…. a little scary ……. a bit of a dick….. he looks after you in his own way but . he doesn’t coddle you the way suguru does. when you’re kids he’s someone you look up to, but also someone you’re a tinyyyyy bit afraid of . but you get a crush on him anyway . and he has a soft spot for you. and then he leaves and doesn’t return until a couple years later ………. and he hasn’t really changed. but he’s less of a bully and more of a teaser. maybe a little condescending. but he’s charming, yk? alluring.

anyway as you can see i’m getting carried away LMAOO this fic is just . fluff?? kind of??? w a lot of tension 😭 you like kenny and he . well. you just don’t know what he’s thinking . he kind of sees you as a baby bird i think,,,,,,,,, and he’s . the big bad wolf. you get the vibes …….. here r some snippets of the fic just for fun!! it’s very near and dear to my heart hehe

—

—

…….. he has me in a chokehold i fear 💔

[fallout-mars]

thank you for tagging me @carlos-in-glasses @sznofthesticks @whatsintheboxmh @thisbuildinghasfeelings @lemonlyman-dotcom !! <33 this technically isn't a wip for me, but it's unposted since it's the next part of the one hundred ways to say i love you series (which i should post soon)

Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Marjan and Paul playing with Buttercup and the twins, and Carlos can’t explain the twisting in his chest. They’re two children he never met before today, but two children who know more about him than his own parents. Everyone listened to TK’s speech at the start of the party. Everyone heard him say what he said about Carlos, and no one batted an eyelid. Everyone already knew, of course, but the declaration felt… personal. Not in a bad way, but he’s never had anyone express their feelings for him so openly before. Previous boyfriends, well, there weren’t many of them that stuck around for feelings.  But TK has given him everything. TK is unashamed of who he is and how he feels, including about Carlos, and the thing is, Carlos knows it hasn’t always been like that for him. Even just a few months ago when everything was back and forth and infinitely more complicated, TK was hiding things. How he felt was just the tip of the iceberg; then there was what their non-relationship was doing to him. He wasn’t proud and happy then, as much as Carlos hates thinking about that, but he’s come a long way. From “I’m not looking for this” to “I found an incredible man who showed me that it is okay to open up my heart again.”

open tag to anyone who wants to share what they're working on and a few no pressure ones

@paperstorm @reyesstrand @kiwichaeng @bonheur-cafe

[deathnguts]

hi hello forgive me for yapping nonsense pls plss <33

okay so, you know how people write that Regulus would run away to the Potters with Sirius?? Okay, I call bullshit (respectfully). But anyways, thoughts on Regulus whose safe space is instead, with the Rosier twins (or just Evan if you like). Specifically, it's a run-down treehouse behind the Rosier's house. It's nothing fancy, the wood is old and seems to be on the verge of breaking, there's mold and fungi in the corners, cobwebs, dust over old things left behind through the years, and a thin mattress with holes, escaped feathers, and dirty stains from the twin's experiments.

Regulus likes it there, it has this melancholy yet disturbing feeling to it that he finds a sort of comfort with. He likes to spend his summers and breaks there if he can with the Rosier twins, just sitting there while Evan and Pandora look at the interesting, beautiful, and grotesque things nature can offer. Sometimes there is music playing and sometimes it's just them breathe with some mindless chatter scattered about. That is his safe space, that's where he wants to be.

okay that it's, cant say more cuz i gotta go byeeeee :D

Holy shit I haven’t checked my ask box in decades I’m so sorry

But I for sure agree that If regulus were to run away, it would be to the rosiers. Like in an ideal, nonmagic, no Voldemort world, it would be to barty (I’ve read a few very good fics with Barty being the savior here, and they’re all in like a better world usually modern AU) but that can’t happen because Barty is also under his abusive parents’ thumb, an abusive parent who doesn’t like the Blacks for being dark. So he’s not a good choice in the ‘canon’ but the rosiers, while supporting the Blacks and not being good parents themselves, I don’t think they’re helicopter parents like the Blacks and the Crouches. Like, I think they actually have a decent amount of kids, like 5+ at least, and just pay no attention to any of them. So you can get away with a lot in that house, including smuggling an entire person.

And you’re vision of liek an overgrown, smells like dirt and moss, sort of area is very cool. I also like it because it takes away from yhe idea that regulus is such a haughty rich boy that he’s like scared of dirt. I get him being unknowing or averse towards certain stuff because of his life being lived in wealth, but I feel a lot of people take it a bit far. Like he’s unable to live without silk or something. I feel that regulus is someone who is very fascinated by the grotesque, macarbre, or simply unsavory like this leans more towards.

And I think that teh rosiers enjoy seeing him in a such a place. His almost uncannily aristocratic and perfect look with this rotted and forgotten place as the backdrop is a very good thing to them. I can’t say much for pandora because I don’t write about her much, or personally fully agree with the rosier twin headcanon, but I definitely see it for Evan. I write him to be obsessed with regulus to a degree where he doesn’t exactly want to control or jar it but he wants to re-contextualize what makes regulus beautifuk to be his in a way. And this is literally his area with a world no one’s watching, where they can be alone and consumed by it. And not even in just a dark way, like it can be a lighthearted get away from the world too.

Yeah no one asked me to yap all that but there it is, I like your ideas and your aesthetic for them is always very cool and intriguing to me :)

[strawbxttries]

Intro!!

i really wanna make moots y’all so here’s a little intro abt me!!

—> you can call me beth or ina

—> she/her!!

—> im 16!! ‘08 baby turning 17 on april

—> fav artists: my chemical romance, laufey <3, fall out boy, pierce the veil, p!atd, mitski, chappell roan, the living tombstone, ayesha erotica, twenty one pilots (+ im slowly getting into green day)

—> current fav song (updated timely):

my interests:

—> comics: x-men (maximoff twins<3), deadpool, supersons, the flash, daredevil, BLUE BEETLE <3333, killjoys cali, batman beyond

—> movies/shows: hannibal, bbc sherlock, bbc merlin, the kingsmen, the menu, captain america trilogy, cw flash, bullet train, transformers, good omens, sandman

—> games: valorant, overwatch, minecraft, telltale batman <33

—> musicals: heathers, hamilton, phantom of the opera, anastasia, the great gatsby

a little bit more about me!

—> i’m an art student!

—> i play the piano + i’m learning the bass

—> i loooveee reading books. like a lot. & i love to write

—> i collect superhero actions figures & im trying to collect vinyls

—> i have a weird obsession with macarons, tiramisu, and strawberries

in this blog i’m just going to shit post about my different interests, & rn it’s bandom! but expect posts from so many different fandoms bc i’m in js too many rn >.< i’ll also post some updates abt my life ig

BASIC BOUNDARIES: just don’t be weird. i’m okay with a bit of rpf shipping but don’t take it too seriously bc it’s all just for sillies. remember they’re real people, have just a shred of respect. proshippers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, islamiphobes, pedos DNI!!!

i’m looking for moots & friends w the same interests!! so just hmu or dm me whenever!!

ART ASKS ARE OPEN PLEASE REQ ME TO DRAW IM BOREDDDD

[luminary-of-the-marz]

Hello! You have been chosen.

Give me your favorite lotf ship/character hcs.

Have a good day!

-❤️anon

Omgee yay I’ve been chosen!! :33

Okay here’s a list of some of my favorite hcs I have 😽😽😽

- Ralph had a pretty decent home life pre-island, but after the events of the island his parents struggled to deal with his mental health issues and end up being pretty neglectful and irritable with him

- Jack does not have a great home life (his father is an alcoholic and both his mom and dad are quite neglectful)

- Piggy had a good home life, but his aunt didn’t really know how to deal with him being bullied

- Both Simon’s parents worked a lot so he was pretty neglected at home

- Don’t have many specific home life hcs other than those but I don’t believe any of those kids had the greatest home lives pre-island

- Jack is bisexual and at first felt like the island allowed him to feel that way without it feeling sinful

- Jack had a crush on Ralph and vaguely tried to explain it to Ralph but when met with Ralph’s silence became very self conscious of his crush and began to feel that the island didn’t actually free him from feeling sinful (Ralph just got nervous and was struggling to come up with a good response 💔)

- Since nobody had a count of how many kids were on the plane some probably died in the actual crash and another kid or two that no one kept track of died on the island at one point

- Ralph has a younger sister

- Maurice has 4 siblings (an older brother and sister and 2 younger sisters), he’s the middle child

- Feel like most the other kids were only children (other than Samneric obviously), some of the littluns maybe had older siblings

- Jack can’t really ride a bike (I have literally no reason behind this other than I think it’s funny)

- Maurice has a cat that’s mean to everyone but him and that he gave a really dumb name

- Roger has a space interest, he doesn’t really talk about it much though

- Rip Simon you would’ve loved Mitski

- I think it’d be funny if one of the twins were color blind idk which twin and what type of color blindness but it’d be funny

- Jack probably bullied Simon into choir

- Simon is artistic, he likes to doodle in the sand, craft bracelets and stuff with flowers and vines, etc

- Simon feeds stray animals

- Roger is very good at cooking and has a system to how he does it

- Jack on the other hand would make a mess of your kitchen and then set it on fire allegedly by accident

- Simon likes to play with other people’s hair

I also have a couple hcs for how some of the boys’ teeth look written down as reference for when I’m drawing so I’m just gonna drop those too

- Ralph has a pretty straight top row of teeth (just a couple small gaps here and there), but has a really crooked bottom row of teeth

- Jack has really crooked teeth and accidentally knocked out one after some time on the island

- Simon has a gap between his two front teeth and also has really crooked teeth

- Roger has pretty straight teeth but they’re really sharp, chips some of them after some time on the island

- Piggy has crooked teeth mostly in the back of his mouth

Okay that’s all!! Thank you for the ask!! :DD

[taytrashmouth]

Prompts and requests!!!

Okay so requests are open so keep sending them in!!! Here are some prompts, and characters I write for, let me know what you want to see next.

you can send in original ideas too!

Send requests with the prompt and the character you want to see it with.

Prompts:

1. “You’re being all cute and sweet and it’s making me want to kiss you.”

2. “You said you liked _____, like a month ago so I bought it for you.”

3. “Can I braid your hair!?” “Absolutely not.” “Pleeeeeassse” ends up braiding their hair.

4. “Who did this to you?”

5. “You don’t deserve someone like that.”

6. “Are you jealous?”

7. Reunited after a war

8. Taking care of each other when they’re sick

9. “Please don’t cry.”

10. “Did you just lick me?”

11. “Say the words and I’m yours.”

12. “Do you ever miss us?”

13. “Just….please, h-hold my hand for a bit. I’m scared.”

14. Slow dancing by a fire.

15. “If even half that blood is yours, you need to sit down.”

16. Trying to study but they keep distracting you

17. Cuddling on the couch for the first time, every touch is electric, it’s awkward it’s new, etc.

18. Person B discovering person A has been abused in the past.

19. Person B is insecure about their scars, person A makes them feel better about this.

20. Sunshine x black cat

21. “I trust you.”

22. “You’re staring!”

23. “I like seeing you happy.”

24. They kiss “I’ve been waiting to do that for ____ years.”

25. “Are you nervous?”

26. “Are you cold?” “No.” Gives them their jacket anyway.

27. “You are everything to me! Don’t you see that!?”

28. “You told me you were okay! You promised!”

29. “Where did you get those bruises?”

30. “You should’ve been here! With me!”

31. “I love you!”

32. “Wait!…..stay.”

33. “I want to stop loving you but I can’t! I close my eyes and all I dream about is you!”

34. “As you wish.”

35. “Goodbye.” They whisper with tears in their eyes and a cracking voice.

36. “Are you up?”

38. Watches their lover die

39. “You’re more than a one night stand….you know that.”

40. “Why can’t you just love me back?!”

41. “Letting you go was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.”

42. “Can’t you see that I’m trying?”

43. “How long?”

44. “Look me in the eye and tell me you never loved me…say it!”

45. “You still have sleepy stuff in your eyes.”

46. “Okay sleeping beauty it’s bedtime, I’ve got you.”

47. “You smell nice.”

48. Tickling each other

49. “If I could hold you in public I don’t think I’d ever let go.”

50. “God here- just hold my hand.”

51. Person A “Well you could-“

Person B “if you suggest I sit in your lap I’ll hit you.”

Franchises I write for:

Stranger things

Game of thrones

Friends

The summer I turned pretty

Harry Potter

IT

The last of us

Marvel

I am not okay with this

Outer banks

Kingsman

Heartstopper

That 70s show

The hunger games

Buffy the vampire slayer

(I will write for any character from the above franchises)

Characters I love to write:

(To give you some ideas)

Steve Harrington

Eddie Munson

Max mayfield

Robin Buckley

Robb stark

Jon snow

Chandler Bing

Jeremiah fisher

Harry Potter

Hermione granger

The Weasley twins

Richie Tozier

Beverly marsh

Joel miller

Ellie Williams

Thor

Captain America

Peter Parker/ Spider-Man

Peter quill

Stanley barber

JJ Maybank

Eggsy

Nick Nelson

Eric foreman

Micheal kelso

Steven Hyde

Peeta Mellark

Spike

Angel

Feel free to send in requests without prompts too!

I am open to writing for ships within those franchises too!!

Can’t wait to write!!!!! Send in those requests!!!!

Love to anyone who reads my work❤️

[ahqkas]

HIHIHIII!! Good Afternoon!! I hope you’re doing well and taking care of yourself <3 Im SO sorry for the delayed reply and messages, I got back a few hours ago and I got quite distracted HAHAHA (aka I’m betraying my family in card games 😎),, but rlly, I hope you’re doing well, good luck in your flight btw!! Have fun and Good Luck 👀 YOURE OUR FLIGHT ATTENDANT IN THE MAKING WE LOVE YOU ‼️‼️‼️❤️❤️❤️

Anw, YES its so true that Mattheo pretended to suck bc cool guy trend, but I DO think that he’s capable of doing them all!! Honestly good on Theo for influencing Mattheo tbh 😭😭 my mans need to pass those classes to advance!! He would be a MASTER at DADA and Potions, ngl remember that scene where theres a door that shows their biggest fears ??? i think something involving voldemort would show up in mattheo’s, and that’ll be the talk of the school for a while!

OOH, I HAD THE SAME THOUGHTS ON HIS NIGHTMARES!! WERE TWINNING!! I do agree that a lot of his nightmares would contain about his past, and more specifically its most likely like sequence of events. I dare say that I think he would have a nightmare where he has to follow on his father’s footsteps and then he’s screaming on his dream— and then Theo wakes him up and stuff! Theo and Mattheo are such a good duo too, they’re there for each other in nightmares and such <3,, OOH regarding his mother, I had a thought that maybe Mattheo tried to find his Mother in both the Wizarding world and the muggle realm ngl!!

Anywayys, I hope you’re doing great and having fun! ALSOO advance congratulations for 1K Followers!! AHH u deserve them sm! Your writing is growing whenever I read it, and I’m glad youre getting the recognition you deserve for ur hard work!! Take care of yourself always, and stay safe <33 - c: anon

HIII ANGEL I MISSED YOU SMM 🥹🥹 it’s okay , how was your trip ?? i have the flight booked on sunday morning && i’m flying back on monday evening ! thank u ily <33

oooh yes that’s such a great idea !!! he’d be nervous to see his biggest fear appear in front of him && maybe he even thought it would take an appearance of something relatively small yk? maybe the women from the orphanage or the kids who made fun of him the whole childhood but deep down he knew it could also take a form of his father , which it did in the end. oh and it definitely would turn into series of whispers around the school . u just gave me a fic idea 😭😭

theo & mattheo are really special to me , i adore their bond like no one else istg . OHHH that’s really interesting ! i think so as well , he grew up deprived of his mother’s love (and father’s too) so it’s only logical he’d want to find her & maybe even demand an explanation why?

which makes me think !! what do you think mattheo would see in the mirror of erised if he looked into it? i’m planning on writing a fic on this though && i already have some ideas as to what could he see but i’d like to hear your thoughts on this 🤍

[onlyjaeyun]

FIRST OF AWLLLL hey twin🤭🤭 second of all what the actual fuck did i just READ. first we have yn and hee being all lovey dovey and my heart literally shattering at the my mom sent me you two line like that hit way too hard to home cuz i found enhypen directly after i lost my dad and they’re like a safe place to me now so like wow got me tearing up at 7 am on a random sunday and i just love their bond sm :(( they’re just so cute like their love idk how to describe it it’s so pure gentle and just so lovely and adorable like that’s the type of love that lasts even after life and continues going strong in heaven too ykwim so like i’m fr fr manifesting this w my future lover (minus all the angst) which speaking OF istg if sunghoon doesn’t take the news well or smth i will lose it and WHERE THE FUCK DID RATMIN COME FROM??? 😐😐 didn’t that bitch DISAPPEAR? i thought her ass skidaddled but I FR FR DONT GET HER MOTIVE 😭 like girl wHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT???? does she fr fr want hee or smth. like okay quick talk about girls who like boys that are CLEARLY taken you ain’t shit first of all second of all if you fr fr liked the guy and prioritised HIM instead of you aka his HAPPINESS you wouldn’t try to strip him away from smth that CLEARLY makes him happy let alone someone that he’s IN LOVE with just to satisfy your own ego pleasure and needs because you’re selfish unaware and a fucking pick me and a bitch as well like literally FUCK OFF let hee and yn be HAPPY theyve both went through so fucking much let them BE GIRL DAMN 😐😐 like u fr aint shit if u seriously think that making sunghoon know and snitching on their relationship will suddenly turn you into an angel in hee’s eyes if ur intentions drive sunghoon to making yn and hee break up. NO 🙅‍♀️ youll just be a bigger bitch in everyone’s eyes than the one you already are BUT ❗️ i don’t think she or sunghoon would be able to do that cuz we got jay and jake knowing about this and ning too i know she can fight a bitch if she wants to AND she has back up cuz i will literally bury that sumin bitch with my own HANDS but still ning doesn’t have to go that far one look into sunghoon’s eyes and holding his face going “sunghoon this isn’t you 🥺 this isn’t you baby look at me 🥺 this isn’t the sunghoon that we all know and love🥺” and boom world peace has been achieved. sorry for how horrendously long this was but i suddenly have the desperate urge to get in prison because of assault and battery (sumin) but aNYWHO even if we’re gonna endure 10 more chapters of angst it better have a good ending please 🙏🏼 moving on sending u so so so much love & hugs zadie i’m glad u enjoy my rants sm just as much as i like to spill all my thoughts into rants 😭 love you so much <33 take care of urself & ur health baby !! <3 (& pls i might seriously take up the deutsch offer cuz i’m so obsessed w the language but there are barely any resources on learning it online 😭 i learn better from watching videos so i’m literally watching gumball yelling in deutsch for like an hour a day and idk about the progress yet 💔 but anywho turkish is better anyways 🙄 [i suck at it too])

- ⁉️

BFIWNFLEMF BABYYYY THE WAY YOUR ASKS NEVER FAIL TO MAKE MY DAY LIKE :((( i lit always get comfy and sit down to read them because i love to read your thoughts 🥺🥺🥺🩷🧸 tysm for taking the time out of your day to send me these you have no idea what these mean to me and i hope you have the bestest of days my sweet love 🩷🩷🩷 and pls my offer always stands, just ask and you shall receive, i'd lit make up a new language for you if i could 💔😔

(still giggling and kicking my feet about this ask like this is lit whats going on in my brain before while and after writing a chapter 😭😭🩷)

[sacrilegiious]

hi, my loves ! 4am but we're finally here, intro almost posted. i'm daisy ( she/her ) and this is my bby dawn. i've been playing her for a while now and i'm so excited to get to it again and see how she will interact with all of your lovely muses. dawn is my headstrong, always down to fight, antisocial girl - genuinely an all round asshole but with her heart in the right place i think ? i guess that judgment is yours to make. def looking forward to plotting w all of u okay byyyee ! &lt;;33

꒰⠀⠀⠀⠀shin ryujin.   twenty-one.   cis woman.   she/her.⠀⠀⠀⠀꒱        hold your f*** horses !   ’dawn'  soojin jeong   has just been spotted walking into revolution headquarters. they are best known for being the   drummer   in   rad   and have been signed with the label for   six months.   they share a lot of interesting things about life in the music industry on their social media, so make sure you don’t forget to follow them at   @fuckoffjake.  fans know them for being   ruthless   but i swear they’ve got a   protective   side as well. maybe that explains why they’re always associated with   sleepless nights spent under neon lights, fingers impatiently drumming on a desk, dark eyes that refuse to look away first.   stan twitter even voted them most likely to   overthrow the government.   we’ll see how they live up to that reputation.

basics.

name:  soojin “dawn” jeong.

nicknames:  u can try i guess.

gender:  cis woman

pronouns:  she/her.

age:  21.

date of birth:  march 23rd 2001.

astrological sign: aries

place of birth: seoul, sk

nationality: korean-american

ethnicity: korean

occupation:  drummer at rad / architecture student.

sexual & romantic orientation:  bisexual, biromatic.

longest relationship: like a month probs.

appearance.

height:  1.64m / 5′4″  (as i’m being told)

weight:  50kg / 110lbs.

hair colour:  naturally black (does like dying it though).

hair style:  rn short-ish, almost reaching her shoulders.

eye colour: brown.

clothing style:  tomboy meets goth witch. almost exclusively black.

tattoos:  has several. a little D and a moon on her left hand, a rythmic score on her right ribs, a little black cat on her hip.

piercings:  ear lobes & left ear helix.

defining features:  whisker dimples, mole under left eyebrow.

character.

positive traits:  ambitious, charismatic, intelligent, self-reliant, daring, witty.

negative traits:  controlling, haughty, choleric, abrasive, impatient, judgy.

likes:  rock music, cats, the city at dawn, cool architecture, hot chocolate, asmr.

dislikes:  people (especially cis men), planes, haunted houses, brussels sprouts.

skills & languages.

notable skills: drumming, drawing, good memory, pen / drum stick spinning.

secret talents: lock picking, horseback riding.

languages spoken: Korean, English, Japanese & a bit of French.

biography.

tw: v minor mention of violence

born as jeong soojin in seoul, her life has always been predetermined by her last name, her family. she was the first child of her rather prominent parents, alongside her twin brother and both of them grew up surrounded by wealth, learning a second language by the age they were four and a third one from age nine. generally, their parents tried their best to give them everything you were supposed to give a child in order for it to develop promisingly. if raising a child were similar to a math equation that is. the only thing that they were missing, that no money or good intentions could afford them, was privacy. being one of the children of the ceo of a successful real estate company and a prominent politician meant they were always somewhat in the eye of the public. not enough to constantly be of relevance to the media but enough for any missteps to find an audience. 

making mistakes was never an option. failure not in her vocabulary as she grew up and became the over-achiever her parents had always hoped for. she was on top of her class ever since starting school and later on became not only student body president in her high school but also picked up all the right hobbies. playing the violin, horseback riding, fencing - excelling in apparently everything she touched. all the success came with a price though, the rigorous self-discipline, the complete disregard of her actual nature. inside all she felt was emptiness and that emptiness was only replaced by burning, raging anger. when she was thirteen, her blood absolutely boiling with unbridled rage, she became violent towards a classmate of hers. an incident that didn’t cause a big scandal solely because once she got home, bloody fists and all, her parents immediately paid off both the parents of said classmate as well as the members of the press who had heard of the story. everything was kept under tight wraps but it was clear there was an issue, a problem, with the golden child. therefore, she was brought to therapy, diagnosed with anger management issues and recommended to pick up a hobby that might help her with her situation. among the provided examples was drumming, something soojin would have never been allowed previously but that soon became her favorite thing to do. 

in the end, graduating with stellar results was no issue, if one thing came relatively easy to her it was academic success. still, however, she felt empty inside. felt caged in this life she had never picked yet never really tried to fight either. that was until now, when she could finally convince her parents to let her study abroad. embellishing her arguments with how impressive it would look on her CV and how it would help both her cultural and language education, she was allowed to leave the country and therefore also her parents’ and the press’ watchful eyes. she started her bachelors in architecture at ucla, actually quite passionate about the subject but she also didn’t lose sight of another thing she felt passionate about: drumming. ever since she got to the us, she changed her name to dawn, affording herself further anonymity and has finally become her own person. style, chaotic flatshare, political views and all. together with, what would soon become her two closest friends, she created the band r.a.d. about three years ago.

for a long time they were a small underground group, playing feminist punk rock was after all not truly what would catapult you into a life of stardom, or at least that is what they thought. however, after over two years of playing a lot of dingey bars, one of their songs gained some notoriety on tik tok, becoming what you might call a feminine rage hymn. with that hit song under their belt, they were approached by several record labels. dawn never felt inclined to sign, for her life was easier this way. nobody to tell them what direction to take with their music, absolute freedom. she would simply bankroll them herself. but when revolution records approached them and considering her existence of living in between the two worlds might come with an expiry date, rad agreed to sign. it gave them a sense of financial security, while also preserving their artistic freedom. for revolution, they moved across the country where now dawn is finishing up her bachelors degree mostly online.  

headcanons.

character wise she quite controlling and reckless, which can be difficult for social interactions, especially since she is absolutely unwilling to compromise in her ideals or to admit defeat. has absolutely no issue with telling people just how wrong she thinks they are. on the other hand, she has quite the dry sense of humor, can be incredibly charming if she wishes so.

is having the time of her life ever since she joined rad, she is now dressing completely different than she used to at home.  she has also started expressing her own thoughts and opinions a lot... most would say too much.

very much a destroy the patriarchy, anti-capitalistic, eat the rich, acab kind of babe.

AH YES R.A.D. dawn is the youngest member of the band and their drummer. just like at uni, she’s known exclusively as dawn in this context bc she’s still kinda trying to avoid people back at home finding out eek (hello ms hannah montana lol) - esp since r.a.d.’s specialty is angry feminist punk rock.

studies architecture and actually rlly loves it? like she will def geek out about architecture if you give her the chance.

dawn of justice was funnily enough the name of her first horse back home, so do with that info as you will.

she has the kind of personality that makes her a natural leader even though? she is an introvert? so yeah, she does prefer her solitude most of the time but don’t expect her to keep her mouth shut in social situations.

she sleeps very very little, which only adds to her high-strung personality. most of those sleepless nights are either spent performing with the band or studying.

when speaking she does have a slight korean accent.

wanted connections (wip).

i do have this sort of fun ideak that idek what to call but basically your muse and dawn got into a loud argument outside the building and somebody took pictures or videos and posted them to twitter saying they were having a lover spat. actually, they probably don’t get along great and have been trying to vehemently deny it on their social media, both losing some not so nice words about the other but it was simply interpreted by the netizens as them lovingly teasing each other soo.... that’s where we’re at basically. 

enemies / antagonists   — basically, dawn does tend to be a rude lil dickish so she’d def have quite some people who dislike her. for example that could be somebody she made fun off bc she didn’t like their music (probably called it something like mushy fluff or whatever skdfjsdf).

former hook up   —   this was definitely just casual, especially on her part. clean, no strings attached fun. well, unless maybe it wasn’t for your muse ?!  that could be a fun option as well. open for all genders.

the rare friends   —   this is the exclusive group of people she likes to be friends with asdfahd. it just be like that but ya def hmu and give my antisocial gal some friendss. maybe somebody who she actually connected with through music, or perhaps architecture.