#while they’re still the same doll number they changed the mood over the years so they look different

[talkfastcal]

.

[idy-ll-ique]

His Lovely Girl.

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x F!Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Requested: nope

Warnings: insecurity

Summary: Sebastian spoils her all the time. What has she ever done for him? When someone leaves a rude comment under her Instagram post, she can't help but rethink her entire relationship with the handsome actor.

Author's Note: Hiya peeps! We're back to Marvel lol, enjoy!

---

"I'll see you later, dove, have fun!" Y/N grinned when her boyfriend leaned over, pressing his lips to her forehead. "Bye, Seb, I'll miss you," she whispered and he looked down at her, his heart swelling in his chest, full of appreciation for her. He loved her so much. "I'll miss you too, Y/N, but I'll only be gone for around 6 hours." Y/N pouted and he couldn't help it.

He leaned over and pressed his lips to hers in a chaste kiss. "I know. Go now, I don't want to be the reason you're late." He laughed heartily when she pushed him away with a smile. "Oh, doll, everyone knows about us, they'll know anyway." With that, he waved at her and left the apartment they shared. Y/N had moved in with him 2 years into dating.

Sebastian Stan; let's just say, he was a busy man. Y/N sighed and got up from the bed, feeling hungry. They had started dating 4 years ago, and what years those were; the most blissful ones in both their lives. They loved each other to death, and they knew that. Y/N waddled into the kitchen and looked around the various cabinets, finding a box of Mac and Cheese.

It was a funny story, actually, how they met. Y/N, at the time, was working as a barista at Starbucks. One day, Sebastian had walked into the Starbucks where she worked, and she was the one who took his order. He was extremely polite, funny and a bit awkward and just like that, she fell in love with him all over again. Y/N was a Marvel geek and Sebastian had noticed.

"I really like your hoodie, doll, where'd you get it?" he had asked her after telling her his order. And she had looked down, seeing the custom-made hoodie she wore. It was black in colour, but one of the sleeves was silver and had a red star on the bicep, just like his arm from the movie Captain America: Winter Soldier.

Bucky's trigger words were printed on the front of the hoodie. She had blushed furiously, simultaneously cursing and thanking her fate and coincidence. "I had it custom made," she had told him at the time and he had grinned so wide he thought his mouth would tear open. That was the moment where he, too, realized that he was getting a crush on the pretty barista.

And he hadn't hesitated to ask her for her number. He had taken a tissue paper, scribbled his number down and had written what's yours? ;) underneath. When he went to pay for his coffee, he purposely made sure that he wasn't giving her any change. With his notes, he slid her the tissue and she took it, giving him a confused look.

When she read it, her breath hitched. While pulling out his change, she had discreetly written her number down on the tissue, saved his on her phone and had given the tissue back to him with the coins. Both of them had grinned widely at each other when he left. While walking home, he had taken out the tissue and had seen her number written neatly under his. And his heart raced, Y/N is worth it.

---

*@yn_yln posted a photo*

4,583 likes

yn_yln Mac and Cheese, anyone? :D

Y/N smiled and logged out of her Instagram account after posting the photo. She just couldn't resist; she looked good that day, one of those days where she felt confident enough to post a picture. She kept her phone away and sauntered into the sitting room to watch something on the television. An hour passed before she yawned, feeling tired.

2:05 pm, her watch displayed. Well, there's no harm in an afternoon nap, am I right? Sebastian wasn't home anyway, and it's not like she had anything to do. Grabbing her phone off the dining table, she walked into hers and Sebastian's shared bedroom, plopping down on the bed. She decided to check her Instagram before falling asleep and opened the said app.

She went through the page that displayed all the likes and comments, pausing at one comment. Her heart dropped as she clicked on the comment, her entire being filling with an uneasy feeling. You're only dating him for the money, admit it. Until then, she had never even thought… about that. Throwing her phone to the side she sat up, breathing heavily.

Y/N was currently jobless. After they started going out, she continued working at Starbucks until last year; Sebastian had suggested that she leave the job and work somewhere better, earn a higher salary. Y/N had discarded the idea at first, since the job paid enough for her to go about her daily things and where would she even find another job?

Starbucks was okay. But Sebastian wouldn't hear it. So she left the job, now jobless. She had applied to a few places but hadn't received any news as of yet. They're right. I'm living off of him. I don't even have a job. What does it look like? A broke woman dating a rich, handsome guy? Oh my God, am I leeching off his hard work? All those thoughts rushed through her head in a span of a few seconds.

The more she thought about it, the more she teared up. Blinking the tears away, she lay back down and curled up under the comfortable blankets. His blankets. She closed her eyes, trying her hardest to fall asleep but the tears were proving it to be difficult. Fortunately, she drifted off into an uneasy slumber 15 minutes later.

---

"Baby, I'm home!"

Silence. Sebastian frowned, carefully walking into the house. "Y/N?" he called out but there was no answer. Keeping the bag he was holding away, he walked further into the apartment, stopping at the doorway of their bedroom. "Aw," he whispered under his breath, smiling, stepping into the bedroom. He gently sat next to his sleeping girlfriend.

His knuckles traced her cheeks but he froze. Why is she so cold? His soft touch was enough to wake her up, because she stirred and blinked up at him. "Seb, hi, welcome back." Her voice was hoarse. "Y/N? Did you fall sick?" he asked worriedly as she sat up, distancing herself from him. "I'm not sick," she muttered but Sebastian wouldn't buy it.

He reached out to cup her cheek, feeling like he had been stabbed multiple times when she leaned away from his touch. "Y/N?" She shook her head and looked out of the window, bringing her knees to her chest. "Just wanna be alone right now." She didn't want to send him away. She wanted to sit in his lap, listen to him rambling about his day…

But she also didn't want to be near him. Do I even deserve him? "What happened?" he insisted, his eyes going wide when she glared at him. "Go. Away." He scrambled off the bed without another word, softly closing the door behind him as he walked into the sitting room, running a hand through his hair. He sat down on the couch and looked around.

What happened in those 6 hours that he was away? Sebastian knew she wasn't on her cycle, it still had another week to come. So it wasn't mood swings. His eyes landed on the empty bowl of Mac and Cheese sitting on the dining table but they skimmed right past it, not knowing that that bowl was the reason for Y/N's sadness. Then he stared at the designer handbag on the opposite couch.

Picking up the bag, he strode back to their room, knocking on the door. Maybe seeing a pretty purse would lighten her mood? "What?" Y/N called out from inside and he opened the door, holding the purse up. "I brought you a gift." Y/N's heart started thudding in her chest and tears glistened in her eyes anew as she stared at the bag with utmost resentment.

"I don't want it."

Sebastian went rigid. She never rejects my gifts. "Y/N—" She started shaking her head. "No. Return it. I'm not taking it. I don't want it," she repeated, her glare now directed at him. "But doll…" he tried, freezing when her jaw clenched. "Get out." Disheartened, he walked out once more, more confused than anything. Now I have to know what happened.

Inside the room, Y/N sobbed silently. The bag was so pretty, her favorite color, the sleek design… she wanted to keep it so bad, but she knew she wasn't worthy of it. Sebastian brought her gifts all the time. Most of them expensive as shit; he had the money to blow off. What had she done for him? Nothing, really. He spoiled her heartily, never once allowing her to do the same.

"You're mine, baby girl, mine to love, mine to cherish, mine to spoil."

She was definitely leeching off him. Outside the room, Sebastian took out his phone and texted Y/F/N, who was Y/N's closest friend. They rarely spoke, but Y/N told Y/F/N everything and he knew she'd have answers.

hey, do you know what's up with y/n

why what happened

she's in a really bad mood

she's angry at me and I brought her a gift but she won't take it

she usually loves them but today…

OH WAIT

I know what happened

she texted me in the afternoon

something about a comment on Instagram or something

ig that's why she's in a bad mood

oh

thanks

I'll check it out

He ended the conversation and opened Instagram, seeing a new post from his dear girlfriend. Sebastian couldn't help but smile as he liked the photo, commenting a heart emoji. There were only around 22 comments on the post, so he decided to go through them. Which comment had triggered her? He found it instantly and his nostrils flared.

Replying to the fairly rude comment, he typed, how about you fuck off and mind your own damn business? If you don't like her, unfollow and leave. There's literally nothing else you need to do. After hitting send, he kept his phone away and, determination shining in his eyes, ran back to the bedroom.

He threw open the door and a sob escaped the lips of the startled woman. He started taking off the annoying clothes he was wearing until he was just in his boxers, sliding into the bed next to her. She attempted to push him away but the strong man didn't budge, holding her on his lap as she thrashed. Soon, she gave up the fight and melted against him, crying her eyes out.

"I'm sorry," she apologized again and again, her breath hitching. "Hush, baby, it's okay, I'm not mad," he whispered, rubbing her back, helping her calm down. She rested her head on his shoulder, her arms tight around him. "Tell me the truth. What happened?" he asked even though he knew the answer. Tiredly, Y/N narrated everything; from the comment to all her insecurities.

Sebastian gently cupped her cheeks, wiping her tears off. "Y/N, you're mine. I love taking care of you, I love spoiling you, and I don't do it because I expect something in return, I do it because I love you. Don't listen to strangers on the internet, what better work do they have? Nothing but lowlifes. You don't have to do anything for me. I don't want you to do anything for me."

"But Seb…"

"No. No, you're my girlfriend and only the best for my girl. I love all the gifts you get me. I cherish them wholeheartedly. Just you being my girl is a gift better than anything else in the world, to be honest. But I'm going to continue looking after you whether you like it or not. You don't even have to go to work, I'm here for you. I love you." Y/N teared up again.

They were happy tears.

"I love you so much," she cried weakly and Sebastian pulled her to him, cradling her head, breathing her in. "I love you too, doll. Now will you take my gift, please?" She nodded against him and he gently lowered her on the bed, going outside to get the bag. Once back in their room he handed the bag to her, smiling at the way her eager hands reached up to accept the gift.

As he watched her admiring the bag, he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, till death do them part.

His girl, his lovely girl.

---

A/N: Leave a like if you enjoyed, thanks for reading!

[justkending]

The Number One Rule. Chapter 18.

Summary: Y/N has always been seen as “Steve’s rambunctious sister.” However, she grew up, graduated, and moved to London to study abroad for 4 years and get her bachelor's degree. The girl that returns looks nothing like the teenager that left, but don’t worry the attitude is still there and stronger than ever. What’s to come of the two grown adults that used to push each other's buttons, but now have a lot more in common than they’ve ever realized.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Y/N Rogers (Steve’s little sister)

Word Count: 3100+

Chapter Eighteen:

“Good morning, Sunshine,” Steve chuckled, bringing his mug to his lips as his sister walked in with a sleep ridden face. She gave him the silent bird before moving to the coffee pot. “I see your morning self hasn’t changed.”

“What are you still doing here? I thought you would have left for work by now?” Y/N asked with a tired voice as she walked to the fridge for creamer. 

He had ended up staying the night and sleeping in his old room that had been transferred into the guest bed. Him and his sister had been up late talking and catching up. 

“Eh, I’m going in a few hours later since I’ve been doing overtime recently,” Steve shrugged, leaning back and watching her sit across from him. She was wearing a giant T-shirt and some old pajama pants that she tiredly tried to straighten from their disheveled state. “What’s your excuse for not being ready for work?”

“I don’t have to be there until 9 today,” she answered with her eyes closed. 

There was a comfortable silence as the two sipped on their coffee and Steve read the newspaper. Looking over he saw her practically falling back asleep in her seat. 

“I guess I need to talk to Bucky soon…” He spoke up. Her eyes opened at that and she turned to him. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean now that I know the case, and now that I know you’re both happy, I don’t have a right to be a jackass anymore I guess,” he shrugged with a smirk. 

“I’m glad you came to terms that you were a jackass,” she chuckled, punching his arm playfully. “We’ve been waiting a few years on that one.”

“Hey, I can call myself a jackass, but you watch yourself,” he warned in a light manner. 

“Sure thing… Jackass,” she mumbled with a smile. Before he could start an argument, she diverted the conversation. “So, should I warn him, or-?”

“I don’t care. We have different shifts today, so I’ll see him tonight probably and talk to him.”

“Ok, then I’ll let you do the talking. I would warn him yourself though. He’s been a nervous wreck around this topic with you. Anytime he thinks about how we’ve hurt you, he gets upset and really anxious,” she explained more seriously. 

“I mean, I don’t blame him. This was a shitty kind of situation to go through, but mom was right. Neither side of the problem was handled well,” Steve sighed. “I’ll text him before.”

“Good,” Y/N nodded. “Want me to come?”

“No, I think we need to talk ourselves,” Steve sighed. “If you know what I mean.”

“I get it,” she nodded standing and grabbing her mug. “Well, I’m going to get ready for work. Mind if I come over tonight though? You know, when the coast is clear? Maybe we can all have a movie night like back in the day! Becca and Sam are invited too,” she pointed to him. 

“Sounds like a plan. You’re paying for pizza though. Since you have an adult job now, it’s only fair,” Steve said with raised eyebrows. 

“Hey, I-”

“You owe me,” he cut her off. 

She glared at him for using the given past situation as a way to get free food. 

“That’s low, big bro,” she deadpanned. 

“Don’t act like you wouldn’t do the same thing,” he scoffed with a smile, going back to the paper in front of him. 

“Touche,” she nodded with a pursed lip. “At least text me when I can head over, so I don’t interrupt you guys' bromance session.”

“Shut up,” he groaned as she left the room. 

________

Once Y/N got to work, a few hours into her shift, she got a call from Bucky.

“Hey, B,” she smiled through the phone as she went through the loads of papers in her hands. 

“Hey sweetheart,” Bucky replied just as sweetly. “Guess who texted me today?”

“Hmm, Barack Obama?” Y/N responded. “Wait, no! Michelle Obama.”

“Haha, very close, but no,” he chuckled. “You’re brother reached out.”

“Is that so?” Y/N faked surprise.

“I’m guessing you guys' conversation last night went well considering your chipper mood?” he questioned. “Or they went horribly wrong and you’re just a really good actress.”

“We all know I can’t act even if my life depended on it,” she laughed, changing the phone to her other ear as she wrote some notes on a paper. 

“It’s true. You’re a horrible liar,” Bucky confirmed.

“I’m not even going to argue it no matter how much I want to,” she shrugged. “But I would say things went well. I mean we may or may not have gotten into a wrestling match on the front lawn, and mom might as well have dragged us by the ears inside to have a civil conversation, but besides that…”

“Oh God, Y/N… What the hell happened?” 

She just knew he was pitching the bridge of his nose on the other end. 

“Nothing too crazy. It’s just sibling fighting,” she waved off. 

“At least tell me you gave him a chance. You didn’t beat his ass too much, hopefully. You know we’re trying to win him over, not push him further away, right?” Bucky had a smile in his voice, clearly just joking around. 

“You know? Kids’ gotten stronger since middle school,” she noted. 

“I would hope so. He fought in a war and chases bad guys for a living. Can’t have scrawny middle school Steve doing that kind of stuff. He’d get a nose bleed just looking at the wrong guy.”

The two laughed for a little reminiscing at little Steve before he bulked up in high school. But after some joking, Bucky brought the conversation back where he started. 

“But in all honesty, I shouldn’t be too worried about tonight?” he asked. The nerves in his voice were clear to Y/N. 

“No, Bumble Bee. We talked it out, screamed it out, and fought it out. And in doing so, we had a good conversation. Thank Sarah Rogers for keeping us on track and not letting us walk away until it was resolved,” she assured, putting his mind at rest. 

“Ok, good…” Bucky sighed on the other end. A moment of silence went by as if he was trying to process it. 

“Hey, I know you guys still need to talk, but I do want you to know that it’ll be all ok in the end. Don’t get too worked up about it,” Y/N said softly. “26 years of being best pals can’t be ruined by this little bump. You said it yourself.”

Bucky let out a breath and nodded. “You’re right. It… It’s just, I hate that he found out how he did, and…” he paused. “It just kinda sucked seeing him that upset.”

“I get it,” Y/N nodded on her end. “But hey,” she added. “We’ll all be ok. Truly.”

“I trust you, doll,” he grinned. There was some distant talking on the phone and Bucky humming. “Hey, I have to go. Boss needs me for something. Call you later?” 

“For sure. Have a good day, and let me know if you need anything!” 

“Right back at you. Love you, sweetheart,” he slipped out the last part unconsciously. 

There was a moment of silence as the two were stunned. Neither had said the “L” word yet… At least not to each other…

“Uh,” Bucky stuttered out. “I-I-...”

“Buck-,” Y/N started in just as much shock. 

Another round of someone shouting on the other line that wasn’t Bucky came through through the phone. 

“I have to go! Talk to you later,” Bucky shouted into the phone. 

Before she could say anything else, the line ended and she slowly pulled back the phone seeing her lock screen blank. No words came out after that. 

She just stared at the screen where a picture of her Bucky, Becca, and Steve all were embedded in a bear hug together. An old picture, but one that she always loved and cherished with a group of her favorite humans. 

She also loved it because even though it was before Bucky and her had become an item, they were squished against each other. Bucky was smiling wide and caught in a laugh as he looked down at her, catching her from stumbling to the ground, and she was laughing as she gripped his arm to find her balance. Steve and Becca laughing on the side at her clumsy self, and the fact someone was always having to help her stay on two feet. Bucky having always been one of those top people in her life. 

She smiled down at the memory and couldn’t help but feel those little flutters move from her stomach to her chest and eventually make her cheeks heat up. 

_________________

Now he had two things to freak out about. One being Steve and his talk tonight. Yes, he knew he didn’t really need to after Y/N’s reassurance that things would be fine, but still. It was a strange conversation to have with your best friend. 

“Sorry I fell in love with your sister and hid it from you. My best friend of over a quarter of a decade. Not to mention you found out from me coming out of her room half naked after you thought she was home alone...” 

Yeah, that was going to be weird no matter how ok they were now… 

Then you add in, he just casually told Y/N that he loved her before hanging up the phone. He didn’t mean to. It just felt so natural in the moment! 

He wanted to make the first time he said it special, not just by accident…

God, his heart was racing and now he had four hours left of his work day to let those things just stir around in his head. Great. Maybe that 3rd cup of coffee wasn’t that great of an idea.

_______________

“So, everything’s good with you guys?” Sam asked after Steve let him in on everything.

“Yeah. I mean Buck and I still need to talk it out, but… I don’t know. I can’t be mad if they’re both happy at the end of the day. Happiest I’ve seen either of them in a while, if I’m being honest,” Steve shrugged with a small smile. 

“See, I knew that’d be the case at the end of the day. I tried telling Bucky that,” Sam shook his head as he finished up the dishes. “And sorry man about not saying anything. I didn’t think it was my place to,” he apologized. 

“No, I get it. This was their own thing. You were just being a good friend to Bucky and letting him figure this out himself,” Steve waved. 

“He’ll be home in a little. You worried?” Sam asked, washing his hands off. 

“No, if anyone’s nervous it’ll be Bucky. Y/N and I had a really good talk last night. No matter how upset I was before, I now know where they were coming from,” Steve sighed. “Did I agree with it? No, but we all have different ways we would go about things.”

“True facts,” Sam smiled. “Well, I’ll hoard myself in my room for a while until the coast is clear. Let me know if you guys need anything, ok?” 

“Got it. Oh, and Y/N said she was going to come over after with pizza for a movie night, if you want to join,” Steve pointed out moving to the couch. 

“I’m here for it,” Sam nodded, going down the hall to his room. “Call me when all is resolved.”

Steve nodded and plopped down on the couch skimming through the channels as he waited for Bucky. About 15 minutes later, he heard the lock turn and quietly the brunette made his way in with caution. 

“Hey,” Steve said softly, turning from the end of the couch. 

“Hey,” Bucky said with a soft smile as he put his things by the door. 

These were the first words they had spoken in over 2 weeks. They hadn’t talked since the whole fight in the backyard.

“How was work?” Steve asked, making small talk. 

“Nothing too crazy today,” Bucky shrugged, walking to the back of the couch with his hands in his pockets. “Oh, Lillian asked about you again.” 

“From accounting?” Steve asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Only Lillian I know that’s obsessed with you,” Bucky laughed lightly. 

“God, I’m not ready for that…” Steve returned the chuckle. 

It got quiet after that. Not awkward, but not comfortable either. 

“So…” 

“Listen, Bucky,” Steve sitting back in his chair running a hand across his face. “I’m sorry, I punched you after-”

“Don’t be. I deserved it,” Bucky waved him off, coming around the couch slowly to sit on the opposite end. 

“Ok, yeah. You’re right,” Steve nodded with another small laugh. Again another pregnant pause. “I gotta know. Why didn’t you just tell me, Buck?”

He took in a deep breath before answering. “I’m sure Y/N told you, but we didn’t want things to have a bad falling out and it be awkward for everyone else-.”

“No, not that. Why didn’t you tell me that you weren’t going to do it from the start?” Steve interrupted.

“What?” he asked, confused.

“Y/N said that you guys went back and forth on not going through with this because you didn’t want to hurt me. I mean, maybe that’s not that big of a deal, but it changes things on my end some,” Steve explained. Bucky just sent him a blank stare. “What I mean is, when I first figured everything out, I was hurt because I thought you didn’t even consider me in your decisions. I know, it sounds selfish, but-”

“No, it doesn’t. You’re a part of the equation to some extent. Just like Becca is. But surprisingly Becca was excited and not freaked out about her best friend dating her big brother. It’s a little different being the big brother in the situation though,” he said softly. “It’s not selfish though Steve. If the roles were reversed and say you and Becca dated, I would hope you considered my feelings in the matter too.”

Steve was glad that he understood what he was getting at. He was worried it wouldn’t make sense or make him look like he thought the whole thing revolved around him. 

“Yeah…” Steve paused. “But you didn’t say anything about that when we did get in that fight. Why?”

“I don’t know… I guess I just wanted you to understand my feelings for her more than anything. I needed you to know that she wasn’t just some girl I was hoping to hook up with at some point.”

“I know you would never do that Buck. No matter how upset I was, I still don’t think that low of you,” Steve sighed. “And about that… I’m sorry I said you don’t deserve her… That was an extremely hard hit to the gut.”

“You were looking out for her,” Bucky said with pursed lips, but the pain from the past comment was clear. It didn’t feel good having your best friend who's been through thick and thin with you tell you weren’t worth something. 

“Yes, but that was a low blow and I said it out of hurt feelings. I was hurt, so I wanted you to be just as hurt. That wasn’t fair,” Steve concluded. “If there is anyone in this world that I trust to take care of Y/N just as much as me, it’s you Buck. I was just blinded by anger.”

“Understandably,” Bucky nodded, looking back at his friend a little less troubled. 

“Understandably,” Steve agreed. They stared at each other silently communicating. “I’m sorry.”

“If anyone is sorry, it’s me Steve,” Bucky shook his head running a hand down his thigh still slightly anxious. 

“How about we both agree that we didn’t handle this situation the best way,” Steve smiled. “I should have seen how happy you two were and not second guess how it happened. I shouldn’t have made it about me when you both clearly are what the other needs.”

“Steve-”

“Truly. You guys have been glowing the last two months with complete and utter happiness and I was so oblivious to pick up on it. I feel like a shitty brother and best friend.”

“You’re not a shitty brother or best friend. Not in the least,” Bucky said scooting to the edge of the couch. “You know that.”

“Y/N tell you we got in a fight on the lawn yesterday?” Steve asked with a small smirk. 

Bucky chuckled. “Yes. Said your mom about beat your asses out there too.”

“All because I was too stubborn to talk it out,” Steve shook his head while he threw it back on the back of the couch. 

“Eh, you said it yourself. We all didn’t handle this situation well,” Bucky chuckled. “She kicked your ass, didn’t she?” he said after a second. 

“Wouldn’t say that, but she must have worked out over seas because I couldn’t pin her like I used to. She was giving me a pretty decent fight,” Steve laughed loudly. 

“God, I would pay money to have someone get that on tape,” Bucky laughed with him. 

The two soaking up the now comfortable atmosphere. 

“So we’re ok, right?” Steve asked. “Leave all out petty, stubborn, and stupid mistakes in the past?”

“I’m fine with that if you are,” Bucky nodded. 

“Good. I’ve missed having my best friend around. I was getting tired of ignoring you,” Steve sighed, patting Bucky’s back. 

“You gave me good practice with your stubbornness for Y/N. Not that I haven’t been practicing with you both my whole life, but damn you guys are too bull-headed monsters.”

“We feed off each other's energy,” Steve shrugged with a smirk. 

“I know, it’s exhausting, yet entertaining all at the same time,” Bucky smiled as he moved his head side to side. 

A knock sounded at the door and they both turned toward the wooden panel. 

“Speaking of the devil,” Steve smiled standing up.

Bucky froze. 

Shit. One anxiety had been cured now, but he had almost forgotten about his second one...

(Tags for this series will be closing soon as it is getting pretty full, please send an ask if you want to be added:)

I’ll post on whatever chapter I decided to close it down here.

The Number One Rule (TNOR) Taglist:

@shadowolf993 @hello-i-am-daydreaming @jessyballet  @emmabarnes @kmuir1  @beautifulrare4leafclover @thefallenbibliophilequote @l0ve-0f-my-life  @shawnie--jo–jo  @asoftie4bucky @katiaw2 @sheeple @sznri @bxtchboy69 @taliarosej00 @bakugouswh0r3 @stopjustlovethemcu @babemendesxz @jenniereiji @taliarosej00 @loveyou5everr @natdrunk @im-a-light-child @stucky-my-ship @fairykimseok

My Lovelies forever:

@natura1phenomenon @lauravicente @kakakatey @traceyaudette @notyourtypicalrose  @laneygthememequeen @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @sandlee44 @thorne93 @thefaithfulwriter @marvelfansworld @essie1876 @greyeyedsmile14 @capsiclehan  @xostephanie @averyrogers83 @awesomenursingstudent @gh0stgurl @cs-please @carls1022 @jjlevin @rainbowkisses31 @carls1022 @anise-d-castle6 @deannotmoose @their-bibliophile @kitkatd7 @willowbleedsonpaper @mariaenchanted @snffbeebee @couldabeenamermaid @rebekahdawkins @alyispunk

Bucky Barnes Tags:

@chloe-skywalker @charmedbysarge @jbarness

@bellamy-barnes

Marvel Tags:

@thejourneyneverendsx @death-unbecomes-you @heyiamthatbitch @lizzymacy555 @iheartsebastianstan @srrymydood @xa-dia @redhairedfeistynerd @morganclaire4 @connie326 @captain-asguard @mollygetssherlockcoffee @teenagedreams-bucky @shower-me-with-roses​

[somedayonbroadway]

Lilo and Stitch AU

Okay, so here’s my Lilo and Stitch AU for both @disneygirl626​ and @dragonflysobright-seethemfly​. I absolutely adore this one. It does involve baby Race and that’s always fun to write. And yes, Race and Jack are going to be from Hawaii.

Characters

Jack Kelly — Nani

Racetrack Higgins — Lilo

Crutchie Morris — Stitch

Katherine Plumber — David

Warden Snyder — Captain Gantu

Todd Kloppman — Cobra Bubbles

Henry — Pleakley

Weisel — Jumba

Okay so…

Somewhere up in space, far far away, there is a mad scientist who creates genetic experiments out of aliens that he captures from other planets, most of the time just after they’re born. This alien, Weisel (that's his whole name. He’s an alien) experiments for years before he is finally arrested after his latest experiment, experiment number 626. He is charged with the experimentation of a young child, stolen away from a family that was killed moments afterward.

During the experimentation, this young alien loses one of his legs. He adapts quickly, growing two more legs that he can retract into his body. This child is of a shape shifting species, his skin naturally blue and gold. After the experimentation, where he grew up as this species learns and adapts very quickly, he became erratic and dangerous, a means of destruction.

Having no alternative option, 626 (who was never given another name) is sentenced to be executed. He doesn’t fully understand this. All 626 knows is that he’s placed in a small capsule and needs to survive. So he does, fighting his way out and escaping in a pod as his kidnapper is placed in prison having witnessed the whole thing. Weisel is pleased with his creation, noting that 626 is randomly heading in the direction of Earth.

After 626 escapes, a bounty hunter, Snyder, loyal to the Galactic Federation, offers to hunt the experiment down and dispose of him, seeing 626 as a creature unworthy of saving. The head of the federation asks him to wait, asking another member of the federation, a federal agent who is an “Earth Expert”, to take Weisel and find the experiment without causing harm to Earth, with whom they were supposed to protect according to documents they’d signed a decade ago.

Simply living off of instinct (and maybe a bit of sadistic adrenaline) 626 crash lands on Earth, getting hurt by a truck, but surviving the crash easily with his modified strength and healing power. As the driver figures out he has to check and see what he’d hit, the alien catches sight of a puppy, cowering away from him in some nearby grass and transforms himself down to look like that animal, though his still has a streak of blue running down his back as the rest of him remains a golden shade. (He does look more like Stitch than an actual puppy, obviously. But he’s doing his best here.) The driver calls a local shelter and 626 lets himself be taken in, unsure of what’s really happening.

Meanwhile, Kaua’i, Hawaii, a young man, nineteen years old, is struggling to gain permanent custody of his six year old baby brother, as both of their parents had recently been killed in a car crash. Jack is having a hard time making ends meet with only a job as a waiter at a local luau to tie him and his brother over.

The baby brother, Tyler James, is an odd child. He’s socially awkward, having odd interests and thoughts about life. The kid has always had a rough time making friends, mostly scaring them off with weird facts about the island they live on and the ocean surrounding them. Though he tries to fit in, he often finds himself feeling alone, prompting him to make his own toy dolls and pretend that they’re his friends instead, worrying his big brother Jack who only wants him to be happy.

Every morning, Jack runs to work after dropping his brother, whom he affectionately calls Racer because of his speed and his love to run, off at the beach right across from his school. Race loves to explore the island, knowing the entire thing like the back of his hand. In the morning, Race likes to go swimming, feeding Pudge (a fish that he believes to control the weather) a PB&J sandwich, the same one Jack makes for him everyday for lunch. He knows he’s not gonna eat it, so he hopes it’ll keep the sun in the sky.

Dripping wet and all, Race goes to school, leaving puddles around him, making his classmates slip, only adding onto the hatred they held for him for being different. On this particular morning, Oscar Delancey, Race’s biggest bully, slips and blames Race for it. After a teacher finds them arguing, Oscar wrestling Race to the ground, being a year older and slightly bigger than him, they ask what happened and Race goes off on a rant about how he had to feed Pudge and how Pudge controls the weather. Oscar calls him crazy.

So Race bites him.

His teacher tells him he’d call Jack and Tyler cries, begging him not to as he’s often sent away from the other kids and he’s subconsciously getting tired of the isolation. Still the teacher insists, asking Race to wait outside.

Race runs away the second his teacher leaves him.

When Jack goes to pick him up, he finds Race gone and he immediately starts running home, knowing they had a meeting with their social worker that day and knowing what happened when Race gets into one of his “moods”. He nearly gets hit by a car. He kicks the bumper and screams at the driver, calling him a not so nice name and running off.

He finds that the doors to their house are bolted and nailed shut and one of their parents' old Elvis records is blaring throughout the living place. As Jack demands Race open the door, he peaks in through the mail slot to find his brother ignoring him. Frustrated, Jack starts threatening Race, like any brother would, telling him that when he got through with him he wouldn’t dare do this ever again, though both of them knew Jack would never lay a hand on the kid.

As he’s running around his home, trying every possible entrance only to run into one Todd Kloppman, introducing himself as a not so nice name, making Jack realize that he’d been in the car that had nearly hit him. Already horrified at this, Jack manages to play off the fact that he’ll have to let him in in a moment and he runs around the house, climbing in through an open window and prying the nails from the front door as quickly as he can to let the man in.

Upon walking into the house, Kloppman asks if Jack had left Race home alone and before Jack can explain, Todd finds Race practicing voodoo on the floor of the living room as Jack tries desperately to turn off the stove and the oven that Race had turned on, probably for no reason at all. Even after all of this, Race manages to tell Kloppman how well adjusted he was and how Jack fed him well. Trying to give him a silent encouragement, the kid accidentally tells Kloppman that he gets disciplined, implying that Jack had, at least at some point, hit him.

Todd then speaks to Jack alone, telling him that he only ever got called when things went wrong and then he gives Race a card, telling him to call if he was ever left alone again.

Race thinks nothing of it, hardly even paying attention to the man.

As he leaves, Kloppman informs Jack that this had not gone well and that Jack had three days to change his mind.

The second Kloppman leaves, Jack turns on Race and Race screams and runs, knowing he was about to be chased.

Eventually, Jack manages to set up a trap to catch Race and he holds him to him, not letting him run away, trying so hard to explain to Race why it was important for him to take these visits seriously. Race still doesn’t seem to get it, leading to another fight. Race locks himself in his room (well, not locks because he’s a child and his door doesn’t have a lock) and Jack throws himself down at the bottom of the stairs, trying desperately not to cry.

It only takes an hour for Jack to gather himself, heating up a plate of pizza for his baby brother and taking it to him, apologizing and holding Race in his lap while he eats, laughing with him a little as Race admits he likes Jack better as a brother than a dad. All Jack can do is kiss his head and hold him, unsure of what to say. Race calls them a broken family.

Before they know it, Race spots something in the sky, something he calls a falling star, but one that looks odd to Jack. Race calls the star and kicks Jack out of his room so he can make his wish. Jack sits just outside his door, listening to every heartbreaking word as Race wishes for an angel to be sent to him, one that wouldn’t leave him or make fun of him or treat him differently.

Little do they know, that shooting star is a fallen spaceship.

The next day, trying to make his brother feel better, Jack tales Race down to the animal shelter, telling him that he could pick out a pet and they would take care of it. Jack is only a little stressed out about funds but convinced himself that they could make it work.

Race goes back to pick out a puppy and finds a golden pup that’s laying all alone in the corner. He sees a lot of himself in this puppy that has a blue stripe running down his back and chooses him, telling the dog to follow him out. It does.

When they come out, Jack and the woman at the front counter are horrified at the sight of this deformed dog with a missing leg, but Tyler insists and Jack caves, unable to pass up the opportunity of seeing Race happy. So they take the thing home, unknowingly being watched and followed by two aliens who were after 626, now known as Crutchie by the odd little boy who named him.

Henry is the only thing that stops Weisel from harming Tyler to get to Crutchie.

Jack often lets Race wander around. After all, they live in a small town and he knows most of the people around. He gives Race a couple of dollars and tells Race to meet him at two. So Race shows Crutchie around the island.

Crutchie, who has been programmed to destroy, is looking for something to wreck, but finds nothing, as he’s looking for big cities who are already prone to bad things happening.

In the middle of town, Race runs into Oscar who immediately starts to belittle him only to get nearly bitten by Crutchie who ends up stealing his bike and trashing it, before they head to the luau to meet Jack.

The entire time they’d been exploring the island, Weisel and Henry had been keeping close and Crutchie knew it. For some reason he can’t explain, he feels the need to protect Race as well as himself. He likes Race and doesn’t want to hurt him.

The same cannot be said for Jack.

At the restaurant, Jack is able to feed Race for free twice a week so he often has lunch or dinner there.

At the luau, Katherine is up on stage, a fire dancer, entertainment for the luau. Jack is hopelessly in love with her but refrains from asking her out for the sake of fully adopting Race as his own. Race knows this and feels guilty for it. He tells Crutchie all about it, somehow knowing that Crutchie understands him. (How Crutchie knows English at this point is unknown, but like I said, he adapts fast).

While he’s working, Jack steps away from the table after begging Race to eat his food, trying to bribe him with dessert but only succeeding in getting Crutchie to hiss at him.

When Jack leaves, Weisel, against Henry’s warnings, tries to capture Crutchie, only resulting in chaos which Jack is blamed and fired for. Katherine tries to convince their manager to let Jack stay, but, unwilling to be humiliated in front of Race, Jack accepts it and scoops Race up, going home, Crutchie following closely behind them. When Race asks Jack if this was his fault, Jack brushes it off, telling Race that the manager was a vampire and that he wanted Jack to join an army of the undead. Race just shrugs and says he knew it.

When they get home, Jack loses it tries to remain calm but, after seeing Crutchie try and rip around the sofa, his anger catches up with him all at once as he tries to grab Crutchie and take him back to the shelter, getting a fight from both Crutchie and Race who’s never seen Jack like this before. Just as Jack gets Crutchie to the door, shouting that the dog hadn’t been there that long, Race counters that he hadn’t either and then he asks what happened to O’hana.

Jack breaks at that, missing his parents so badly as Crutchie calms down and Race rushes to hug Jack who brushes away his tears and promises that he’s okay, even though he couldn’t be farther from it. But he lets Race take Crutchie into his room to sleep where Race finds that Crutchie likes to build with his blocks and then destroy his own creations.

Watching from outside, Weisel is stunned by this, finding that Crutchie is still creating things, even though he may destroy them after. It goes against his programming.

The next morning, Jack wakes up to find Kloppman at his door, concerned about the job he lost and this new puppy that is untrained and seems to be causing nothing but trouble. Jack swears that he’ll find a job and takes Race out with him while looking, terrified the boy might get into more trouble without him.

Every potential job Jack might have is ruined by Crutchie who is still on the run from Weisel and Henry who are around every corner.

Even at the beach, where Jack finds there’s an opening for a lifeguard position, Crutchie manages to ruin it for him, chasing the people at the beach away. Jack is extremely dejected by this, but perks up when Katherine sits down next to him with two surfboards, offering him one as she challenges him to beat her to the water.

Jack scoops Race up on his way out and Race just giggles, loving it when Jack takes him surfing.

Reluctantly, needing to stay close to Tyler in order to ensure his own safety, he goes with them, despite his intense fear of water. To his surprise he ends up liking it and to Jack’s surprise, he ends up not minding that Crutchie’s there.

Jack loves being out on the water with Race. He used to take Race surfing with their parents all the time, always catching him in his arms when they wiped out. Race loves the ocean.

Seeing that Crutchie is out on the water and is in a vulnerable position, as he can’t swim and will sink instead of float, Weisel says that they’re going swimming, confusing Henry as they go to get Crutchie, managing to knock Jack and Race off of their board and get Jack hit in the head as they do, forcing Katherine to jump in and help them. When Jack recovers after a moment, Race panics and asks about Crutchie who did not resurface. But when Jack looks around for him, Crutchie breaks from the water and claws at Tyler who he ends up dragging down with him.

Jack dives down, kicking Crutchie off of Race and swimming him back to shore, coddling him as he cradled him to his chest and kissed him over and over again. (Jack does call Race baby. He’s always been really affectionate, even more so after they’re parents died). Katherine dives back down for Crutchie who she manages to save, though Crutchie awakes destructive and lashes out at Race, scratching into his shoulder.

When Jack looks up, he finds Kloppman watching them from afar and he asks Katherine to hold Race while he talks to him, trying to explain only for Todd to tell him that it’s over and that Race needs to be relocated to another family, asking for Jack to think about what’s best for the boy.

Unable to argue, Jack goes back to Race and holds him tight, carrying him back home as Katherine mutters that she thought they had a chance until Crutchie came along.

Crutchie follows them home. Race and Jack don’t even notice.

That night, Jack sits Race down in the hammock in their backyard and sings to him, giving him a flower that matches one that he holds in his own hand. The song he sings is one of a goodbye and Race doesn’t understand it as the wind carries their flowers away. But he leans into Jack and lets his brother hold him until he falls asleep.

That night, Race is frustrated when he wakes up in his own bed and hears the window open. Crutchie is standing there, ready to run and Race doesn’t seem at all surprised by this. He just tells Crutchie that he can leave if he wants. But if he stays, they’ll take care of him. He tells Crutchie that Jack’s really good at taking care of people.

But Crutchie does leave, regretting it only when he can’t find his way back to Race and Jack. What he doesn’t know is that Weisel and Henry have gotten fired by the federation and Weisel is excited to do things his way.

Still living on instinct, Crutchie flees unknowingly back towards the Kelly house.

In the morning, Jack is crying over his cereal when Race sulks into the room, upset that Crutchie left. Jack hugs him and tries to explain to him what’s about to happen, that they may never see each other again and that it was all gonna be okay. But Jack can’t get the words out.

He’s saved by a knock at the door which is revealed to be Katherine, telling him that she found him a job. So Jack runs into town, making Race promise not to open the door for anybody, hope filling his chest as he thinks maybe if he gets a job, they won’t take his brother away.

The moment Jack leaves, Crutchie comes crashing back, Weisel hot in his tail as Henry grabs the boy, trying to keep him out of harm's way. Unsure of what to do, Race calls Kloppman because he’s scared but Crutchie is protecting him.

Weisel ends up setting the house on fire.

When Jack hears the sirens after getting the job, he knows. He doesn’t wanna believe it, but he just knows. So he literally runs back home, Katherine right behind him.

He finds Kloppman carrying Race to the back of his car, shutting him in. And Jack loses it. He starts sobbing, begging Kloppman not to do this. He tries to explain that he’s the only one who understands Race and that Race needs him and won’t stand a chance without him. Kloppman asks him angrily if this is really what Tyler needs, pointing to a burned down house. He then tells Jack that it seems like Jack needs Tyler a lot more than Tyler needs him.

That’s what breaks Jack.

(Which, honestly… how horrible? This kid just lost both of his parents too and is now losing the only thing he has left and, I know they’re trying to do right by the underage child, but I mean… that’s so sad. No one took into account how Nani was feeling having to lose her entire family even though she was trying her best to keep what was left of her broken family. Anyway…)

He falls to his knees, letting Katherine wrap him up in her arms, trying to calm him as Jack begs Kloppman to just let him say goodbye even though Kloppman is insisting that he’s making this harder than it needs to be.

Unbeknownst to them, Race, a very smart little six year old, is listening to the whole thing, sobbing as he finally understands what’s actually happening. He unlocks the door that leads out into the woods beside their house and runs away.

He stumbles upon Crutchie who’s still running and Crutchie sees how broken he is. Reluctantly, he reveals himself to the boy, letting his true form show and scaring Race for only a moment before Race gets angry, realizing that if they hadn’t gotten Crutchie, he’d be able to stay with Jack.

While trying to run again, Crutchie and Race both manage to get captured by Snyder who was sent to hunt down 626. Snyder doesn’t seem at all bothered by the capture of an innocent little boy and states that he caught a snack for the road, though he locks him up with Crutchie who escapes easily and tries to pull Race with him before Snyder takes off, taking Race with him.

Realizing that Race isn’t in the car when he tries to drive off, Kloppman gets out and starts calling for him. So Jack runs into the woods to find him, knowing that Race loves to play hide and seek in those woods and knows it’s a place where he’s hard to find. So he rushes out alone, screaming for his brother to come back to him.

He sees Race get picked up by a monster and locked in the back of a spaceship. Terrified and confused, Jack screams out for Race, catching the attention of Crutchie who is immediately apprehended by Weisel and Henry. Henry sees Jack and apologizes, going to knock him out to try and get him to believe it was all just a dream, but Jack’s quicker than that. And he cries out about Race, demanding to know where he is. When they admit they know who Jack’s talking about he tells them to bring him back. Henry tells him that they can’t.

So Jack falls to his knees in pure agony, unable to handle another loss.

Crutchie kneels down beside him, saying o’hana. Weisel tries to pull him away but Jack stops him, asking Crutchie to say it again. So Crutchie does, promising Jack that no ones gonna get left behind and then telling Weisel that he’d go with him quietly if they went to rescue Race.

So they do.

Jack is not a good flyer, in case anyone’s wondering.

They catch up to Snyder, showing him that he in fact did not have Crutchie in his possession. When Jack sees Race who is struggling to breathe as they get high and high up, he starts panicking, trying to get to the top of the ship to encourage Race to jump down to him, but Crutchie doesn’t let him. Instead, he jumps from one ship to the next, putting Tyler on his back and getting Snyder to crash his ship while trying to fight him, only caught by Weisel at the last minute, avoiding death.

They crash land in the ocean and Jack is holding Race the whole time, even as they’re submerged in water. And then he swims them both back to shore.

Crutchie hugs Race and then goes to turn himself in, but Race then tells Weisel that it would be stealing if he did that because they bought Crutchie from an animal shelter which made him part of their family and he couldn’t do that.

Kloppman steps in to tell Weisel that this is true. Jack tightens his grip on Race, fearing that Todd might rip him away again. Kloppman explains that he used to work for the CIA, specializing in extraterrestrial activity. Then he offers Jack a second chance, explaining to him that he knew Race would be safe with Jack from now on.

Jack takes Race and Crutchie home, making their own little family with Katherine who he finally asks out on a date and things are just perfect for a while.

What do you guys think? Wanna see any scenes? Feel free to send me an ask!

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[austennerdita2533]

A/N: Just a Literati trifle in celebration of GG’s 20th Anniversary Week. I still have another chapter or two to write but I wanted to get this out before the event officially ended. (Canon compliant + OS + divergences)

Also here: (AO3)

Enjoy! 

xx Ashlee Bree

An Archive of Words Between Us

One day, many weeks into it but still no closer to clarity about what it is between them, Rory does what she does best: she makes a list.

Marked at the beginning, from when she and Jess first met, she soon starts to add to it with frightening regularity. A new entry comes any time there’s news, insight, questions, or growing confusion to report. She writes it all down. Out. She compiles everything in a beat-up old notebook she’s taken to carrying around.

Over the years that follow it becomes a confessional of sorts for her, a still developing story. She reaches for a pen whenever the mood strikes, and writes…then writes some more…

Committing to paper all the things they’ve said to each other over the course of their history, as well as many of the things they didn’t.

- i. things we said when we were strangers -

“Hey, Dodger, wait a minute,” she calls out before he disappears behind the gazebo. “Is this a gimmick of yours? Do you always write margin notes in the books you steal from strangers?”

Jess stops. Casts a cursory glance over his shoulder before turning back around with hands in his hoodie pocket.

“Depends, I guess.”

“On?”

“Does it matter?”

Rory shrugs.“You could be a literature-defacing miscreant on the lam for all I know. Your face might be tacked to Wanted posters all over New York City. I’ve got to edge my bets, protect my assets.”

“What,” he says, “you aiming to sentence me without a trial or something?”

“Thinking about it.”

“Wow. I can’t believe you’re going to bust out the cuffs already, Judge Judy,” he chuckles, raising his hands in supplication before rocking backwards on his heels like he’s been shot. “That’s not very neighborly.”

“Sounds like there’s evidence to be had if I dig a bit.” A pause. A teasing quirk of an eyebrow. “Is there?” she asks.

Though he stays silent at this, a spark of something catches deep in his dark eyes as their gazes meet, and Rory's stomach flips.

“Well?”

“You tell me,” he says, all smooth and inscrutable and James Dean cool as hell.

“I’m no Agent Scully at the FBI, but the truth is out there. Don’t think I won’t uncover it,” Rory replies, her wit flowing strong and sure. “If I think it’s warranted I could hire Kirk to lay chase for a while…he likes detecting. Takes payment in Skittles, too. Boxes of which I will have no trouble acquiring, I assure you.”

“Who the hell’s Kirk?”

“Let me worry about that,” she beams back at him coyly, bouncing the book he’d pilfered earlier against her hip.

“Save your Skittles, concerned citizen. I’m clean.”

“Oh, yeah? And why should I believe you when I hold proof to the contrary?”

“Because—” Ambling backwards in the middle of the street, a crooked smirk forms along the corner of Jess’s mouth as he gives her one last idle loll of his shoulder. “I only leave notes for people who might appreciate them. Start with the one on page three, by the way,” he adds with a farewell salute. “It’s a doozy.”

Curiosity piqued, Rory ignores the warmth in her chest as she watches him turn to leave a second time. Instead, she buries her nose in the margins of Howl and peruses. Losing herself in his tiny blocked script the whole walk home.

- ii. things we said because we were lying to ourselves -

Pacifying the town's fears about their friendship isn’t easy.

Especially not after Jess outbids her boyfriend at the basket-bidding festival to win an afternoon of her company. Or the night he shows up on her doorstep unannounced, bearing food and intellectual discussion after she swears to everybody else she wanted to spend the evening alone. Or when he wrecks her car on their way back from a spontaneous hunt for ice cream cones.

Then there’s the time she misses Lorelai’s graduation because she’s stuck on a bus next to some scruffy-looking creep who spits chew into a soda can while he mumbles the names of state capitals under his breath in an Appalachian-sounding litany, Rory having skipped town impulsively to visit Jess in the Big Apple after Luke had sent him packing because of an accident that had no real bearing or blame. At least not unless it was half hers to share in, too, in any case.

She expends a lot of energy defending what they are to people. Clarifying what they’re not.

Pretty soon a truncated version of the truth skips from her mouth like a message she’s spent months concocting, memorizing, and then recording, with her smart enough not to speak it aloud until it sounds convincing. And it does. She makes sure of it.

Tensions abate after that, for a time. Mostly because of the distance.

Mom and Dean, in particular, seem to breathe easier with so much of it stretched between them. They’re much happier once Jess is no longer there to lurk around Luke’s, or clog the aisles of Doose’s, or stake out chalkperson outlines on the sidewalks of town where he can draw her closer to him. Too close for comfort, as far as anyone else is concerned. Even if his only aim in doing so had been to imbibe her in intellectual conversation.

Rory finds it funny how his absence from Stars Hollow makes it both easier and harder for her to placate everyone’s misgivings. The words may be simple to say, but the meaning behind them feels deflated. Half-bodied at best.

Like calculus, it causes her headaches. Forces her to work twice as hard to make everyone believe she doesn’t care that he’s gone and likely never coming back again. That the vacant space he’s left behind doesn’t sting whenever her gaze passes over it, remembering.

Exhausting though it is, however, she does her best. She makes the effort.

She starts by dolling out extra attention and assurances to Dean about her commitment to him. To their relationship. Then she pivots around mention of Jess’s existence to her mom because she knows she doesn’t approve of him let alone agree about any of his good qualities. With Lane, she focuses on school and Mrs. Kim and music they can add to her floorboard collection. And in front of Luke, so as not to burden him with more disappointment, she acts as if nothing is different. Pretends that nothing much has changed.

Omission quickly becomes a habit for Rory. A way of life.

Only once does exposure threaten to spoil everything when her mom confronts her openly one afternoon about a placeholder that’s slipped out of her copy of For Whom The Bell Tolls.

“It’s nothing,” Rory says as she makes a quick grab for it in the kitchen and blushes.

“Really? Because nothing to me looks a hell of lot like a paper plate fragment. One that’s smudged in pizza grease and blue scribbles.” Laughing, completely unaware of her daughter’s wide-eyed discomfort and humiliation, Lorelai hands it back to her without inspecting it closely. “I’m surprised by your choice is all. Messy and makeshift isn’t your typical bookmark M.O., hun.”

“Yeah, well, that’s what happens when Paris accosts you at the break bell. You drop things. People jump, drinks spill. Beloved bookmarks go soaring…”

“Ah. I take it she was yelling in dog decibels again?”

“More like she put out an APB on all aliens living a few hundred million lightyears away and then gave them exact shouting coordinates for where to find her. So same difference, really.”

Her mom snorts. Passes over the ranch dressing.

“She’s a pill, that one. I’m telling you Pink wrote that song with her in mind.” Shaking her head, Lorelai closes the fridge behind her as she bites into another French fry. “So how’d you come by the plate?” she asks, her mouth full.

“It was spontaneous. I was running late so I nicked it from the cafeteria on my way out,” Rory lies, knowing full well Chilton never dispenses paper or plastic dishes for dining.

“Oh.” Her mom considers this. “Well, I suppose there were times even Madeleine Albright couldn’t find anything better to use in a pinch. That was very…replateful of you.”

“What can I say,” she exhales with relief, feigning amusement as her fib is accepted with alacrity, “the Forks was with me.”

“Only the Forks? Don’t tell me you’re leaving out the spoons and the knives. How could you?” says Lorelai, aghast, as she scoops stray kitchen utensils to press them against her chest in a bodily cuddle. “It’s cutlery discrimination!”

“No, it’s punning.”

“Says who?”

“Me.” A pause. A nibble of pizza. “Also, Shakespeare would agree.”

“Psssh, Shakespeare! That old killjoy,” her mom says dismissively, rolling her eyes in good humor as she tucks a box of strawberry Pop Tarts under her armpit and motions toward the living room. “What’s that you have written on the inside there, anyway? French? Calculus? Rolling Stone lyrics? A blueprint for the evil plan you’ve hatched to shoot Grandma to the moon? I’m dying to know.”

Waving her off, Rory tucks the shard back into the spine of her book where it belongs. Hiding it from view. “It’s for school,” she assures her as they settle onto the sofa.

“So tell me about it. I don’t care if it’s boring.”

“Pass.”

“Come on! I could use a good Chilton-instigated snooze.”

“Too bad. No beauty naps for you.”

Lorelai pouts, fake affronted. “Rude!”

(Turns out that ‘shard,’ that ‘thing for school’ which is stuck between the pages of Rory’s Hemingway, isn’t boring at all. In fact, it has a history. A story. The truth is it’s a souvenir she’s saved ever since she and Jess talked books over pizza at Antonioli’s on basket-bidding day.

Toward the end of the meal he’d ripped off a piece of plate so he could jot down his phone number and a quote. Only sliding it into her hand, folded in half, crinkled up like a note passed between desks at school, in the moments before they parted ways and headed home.

It’s stupid she’s kept it. She realizes that now. Stupider still to slip it between the pages of each new book she reads or unfurl it in the privacy of her bedroom to puzzle out if the line he’d included from A Moveable Feast is meant to have double meaning:

“We ate well and cheaply and drank well and cheaply and slept well and warm together and [liked] each other,” it reads.

Stupidest of all, she can’t seem to bring herself to stop looking at it. To throw the darn thing away. A note…a number…a greasy sliver of paper plate!)

“Like I said, Mom,” Rory swallows before smiling over at her convincingly, “it’s nothing. Really.”

- iii. things we said on the verge (of something) -

In early June, Sookie’s wedding day arrives.

Things are static again. Serene. Normal.

Granted, slight changes do sprinkle into the mix here and there because of her dad’s presence, because Dean holds her a little tighter around the waist now than he once did, but mostly it’s the same here as it’s always been. Pleasant people fade into gossip and nonsense while fun blurs into peculiarity.

Life feels simple once more. A tad plain and colorless, maybe, but simple.

Then Jess returns to town on a whim or a fluke or a who the devil knows what he’s thinking and everything goes sideways, pear-shaped, belly-up-and-down in seconds because this is the last thing she’d been been expecting and suddenly the only thing that registers is the length of the grass plus the number of steps it will take to close the distance between them. All that matters is he’s here, he’s back, he’s near enough to touch, and she’s smiling so hard she can hardly breathe as she drinks him in from head to foot like a glutton: her pulse leaping, her heart lurching free from the cage of her chest.

The whole world tilts. Collapses. The pale yellow of the sun shines down like a spotlight so it’s only a rippling alcove she sees. Just him, just her. Just them canopied beneath these flittering fronds of green.

Any rational thought Rory possesses scatters across the wind with the pollen. And then before she knows it, the ground tilts out like a ramp underfoot.

It pushes her forward. Outward. Sliding her toward him until she’s thrust and tangled in his arms with no memory at all of how she got there, or why their mouths feel so hot and wanton like this, so damn unsatisfied. It all seems impossible considering they’re still pressed together in a kiss that can only be described in one way: illicit.

“Not a word,” Rory pants when they stop and Jess pulls back, his jaw taut, his expression shuttered, to nod once understanding.

“Okay,” he says.

“Promise me.” The huskiness of her voice feels at odds with this demand, with the trembling fist she still has curled in the lapel of his jacket, but she cannot think about her stinging mouth or his tongue right now so she clings to desperation instead. “Can you do that?”

“Okay,” he repeats, all eyes, eyes, eyes. And with that single look, she forgets to breathe let alone digest anything he’s promised.

In the end, it’s an impulse that overtakes them not a decision. It’s a moment of clandestine passion they share, not a confession that will alter the circumstances any.

And yet it’s guilt, not regret, that begins to pull like an anchor in her belly until she’s running in shoes that chafe the back of her heels. It’s terror and confusion, not apology, that ripples along her nerve endings until she’s dashing through the trees like a coward or a swindler because she needs to believe behind her there’s still a haven of black and white she can cross with both feet.

Only when Rory stops does she feel the change. Does she discern the difference. It takes one sting, one breathless stitch in her side, for her to know she’s tumbled forward into color without noticing.

Looking down, and there it is. His name already singed across her chest in scarlet letters.

- iv. things we whispered on the hood of your car -

“Tell me something no else knows.”

“About what?” he asks around midnight the following April, the two of them sprawled on the hood of his car at a deserted rest stop off the I-95 on their way back from a concert in the city.

“You, silly.”

“Funny you’re thinking about penning my biography already, Churchill. I’m honored, truly, but aren’t I too young for that sort of enumeration?”

With a roll of her eyes plus a protracted har-har, Rory lifts their intertwined hands, watching, mesmerized, as their fingers thread then unthread as they lay side-by-side parked beneath the Big Dipper in this forsaken parking lot. Though they’ve been together about six months now, prying Jess open has been slow work. It’s like taking a crowbar to cement: one chip, one crack, one crumble at a time.

“Stop deflecting, Mariano,” she warns. “Evasion’s for chumps.”

“Fine,” he sighs. She presses a kiss of reward against his knuckles before curling tighter into his side. “How about this: every year roughly sixteen hundred people in New York City are bitten by other humans.”

“Bitten?”

“Yep.”

“Why?”

“That’s just it,” he says in his best horror story voice, “could be vampires, could be cranky commuters, could be urban mania or road rage…nobody knows.”

“Oh, please. As if I’d let you off the hook with that obvious dodge. You’re killin’ me here, Smalls!” Rory says with an elbow rib and tsk. “Second of all, you so made that biting thing up.”

When she edges her head back onto his shoulder to look at him, Jess drags his pointer finger down her forehead before bopping her affectionately on the nose, his expression neutral.

“Didn’t you?” He shrugs in that cute off-the-cuff way of his then smirks into her hairline. “That’s unbelievable!”

“It is what it is.”

“So, what,” she says as she throws her leg over his hip to lug him closer, her arm already stretched out across his middle, “is there a case of zombiepox going around that the CDC has neglected to inform us about? Because I’ve got to tell you if that’s so then I’ll need an inoculation ASAP, mister! Frazzled, bloodshot, and half-rotted is not a good look for me. It just isn’t.”

“Oh, I know.”

“Hey!” she exclaims.

“No offense, critter of Frankenstein,” he chuckles, absorbing her retaliatory swat with a grunt and rolling her further on top of him, “but I’ve seen you pre-coffee. It isn’t pretty. We’re talkin’ bolts out your neck, monster glares, frothing purple mouth and everything.”

“Yeah, yeah. Keep up your running tally and you might find I bite you next. Rory the Ripper does have a nice alliterative ring to it—you best remember that,” she warns all narrowed eyes and silky breath and arms folded under her chin.

Jess cocks his left eyebrow, brushes his thumb over her bottom lip. “Idle threats don’t scare me, Gilmore.”

“They should.”

“Maybe.” A lazy grin forms at the edges of his mouth. “But yours don’t.”

“Fine,” she blows out a breath. With her head resting in the center of his chest, Rory fixes him with one long steady look, her voice dropping an octave lower as it drains free of sarcasm to assume a more serious edge. “Name one thing that does then. That scares you, I mean,” she says.

He doesn’t answer right away. In fact, he fidgets so long beneath her that by the time he settles with his hands clasped behind his head, lost in thought and translation, peering up at the sky, she’s half convinced that silence or deflection is the best she can hope to expect from him in reply.

Reticence is a quality she’s come to recognize in Jess. It’s one she can reflect back at him in part because they’re both cut from the same quiet, introspective cloth. However, it’s also one that restricts her access to his thoughts and feelings when she most wants it, and that can take a toll. Makes her wonder if they’re parked at different weigh stations in this relationship or not.

It’s bizarre to reconcile how she can understand him so well in some contexts, to the point where she can predict his next reaction or sense a good joke hanging in the periphery that's about to descend; while in others, he’s a total head-scratcher. Like a Sudoku puzzle with numbers that don’t add up to anything.

The silence between them continues to stretch. It becomes an awkward, formless wall.

The stillness, too, which is illuminated only by the light of the moon and the faint din of the car radio, hangs between them until he draws her up his body and folds her over him with a green plaid blanket. His fingers tracing languid strokes up and down her spine.

“Swans,” he says at last, his tone subdued. Scratchy. “Swans scare me.”

“What else?”

“Tennis balls. They’re too small and fast as they zip past. I hate how they can leave imprints on your face like ugly yellow snitches.”

“Okay then. Weird but fair. What else?” Rory asks all warmth and eagerness, her eyes searching his for something he wouldn’t want to slip free.

“Pennywise.” Though she snickers at that, it’s a valid fear. Clowns unsettle her, too. Evil ones especially. She’d had nightmares for eight months after she’d read Stephen King’s It for the first time, and had taken to sleeping with the bedside lamp on for years.

“Anything more?” she asks.

“Cricket bats.”

“Ooh-ho!” Poking him, “So Mrs. Kim got to you, did she?”

“Listen, I tried to be cool and unaffected but who knows what would’ve become of my head if she’d taken a swing with that thing?” Jess shudders at the same time she imagines Humpty Dumpty and laughs. “Jeez.”

“Things would’ve gotten messy,” she adds honestly.

He stalls a moment, then blinks back at her all wariness to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “How messy are we talking here?”

Rory cocks her head and bites the corner of her mouth, musing. “Think pumpkins.”

“Smashed ones?”

“Yep.”

“Figures,” he mutters miserably.

With an encouraging pat, “Don’t worry, I would’ve stepped in before Mrs. Kim buried your handsome yet indignant face beneath the floorboards or behind a brick wall in the catacombs with Fortunato. It’s the least I could do since I sort of like you and all.”

“Sort of?” Jess asks.

“Yeah. I’m no unreliable narrator girlfriend who'd escort you to your doom, you see. I’d much prefer to keep you,” she says with an adoring grasp and swivel of his chin, which he deflects by tickling her breathless as she bends down over him.

“Gee thanks, Casper. Nice to know you care about me.”

“Not about you exactly,” she teases, her flip-floppy giggles still piercing the air. “Just your head.”

That stops him. “My head, huh?”

“Sure.” Still a little breathless, she reaches toward him to fist her fingers through thick black tendrils along his nape. “It’s pretty.” She gives the strands a little tug. “Full of thoughts I’m hoping to pilfer for further study.”

“You know, I always thought there was some hoodlum in your DNA. Now I’m convinced,” he says as he leans over to commence the tickling again. “And you will pay."

The two of them continue to roll then thump against his windshield all elbows and knees until the levity starts to leaden and transform. As Jess reaches over to cup her cheek, their gazes meet in the silvery darkness and hold, kindling like flint.

Quiet washes over them again for a moment. Only this time, it’s bloated; it’s heavy. It’s a mess of a hundred thousand decipherable something’s teetering on the precipice of expression.

A flicker of alarm passes over his features as he frames her face with his hands, palms flat against the car. He hovers aloft, unsure. Indecision mixes with fear to tangle with retreat even as gravity beckons him nearer, his head dropping low enough for their foreheads to touch.

“I sort of like you, too, you know,” Jess breathes softly, his lips lowering to press against her mouth in a quick but lingering kiss. “A lot.” His jaw clenches. “Maybe too much.”

Suddenly there’s a tightrope pulled taut and vibrating in every direction because there’s no shrinking back from the dense electricity pulsating between them. There’s no more room to dance around unnamed emotion whenever it identifies itself in blown pupils, in a bobbing Adam’s apple, in hands that slip and slide until they fit together like aligning planets.

In that instant Rory knows. She knows right then and there she’s falling in love with him, that she’s half fallen already. And it’s both a revelation and a fact so natural she can feel the truth of it whistling from deep in her bones.

Looking nervous, vulnerable, more fragile than she’s ever seen him, he swallows hard then shifts to squint out at the shadowy tree line while scratching at his nape. “It’s just…so many people have treated me like garbage that all I know how to do is spoil things. I destroy, Rory—ruin what’s good. It’s what I do best. It’s all I know. I’m trying here and all, but I…don’t know how to do this,” he says, gesturing lamely between them. “How to do us right.”

“Hey now,” she thumbs his cheek, tries to turn his head back toward her but it won’t budge, and neither will he. “That’s my boyfriend you’re talking about. Go easy on him, will you?” He nods into her palm, softening a little. The tension leaves his body as he gathers her in his arms again, her head conforming to the crook of his neck, but she’s not convinced all is well yet.

“There’s no rulebook or anything,” Rory says placatingly. “We’ll figure it out together, okay? You and me.”

“Yeah.”

“We will,” she says with an emphatic, assuring squeeze. “I know we will.”

With a caustic laugh, a heavy sigh, he runs his teeth over his lip, “I’m a screw up, Rory.”

“Hey. Not true.”

“I am.” Jess sounds so resigned, so convinced, it ties her into knots thinking he sees himself that way.

“Not to me, you’re not.”

“No,” he says with a deadened inflection, with a sad downturn of his mouth. “Not to you.”

Frowning, she feels his cynicism, his self-deprecation, descend like a slash across the gut. Helpless to do anything but try to be a soft place for him and his insecurities to land, she pulls him toward her, embracing him, quieting him, caring for him more with each passing second even though a warning gong goes off in her heart when she leans in to steal another kiss.

“Maybe I’m not a screw up to you yet,” he whispers, “but I could be at another time. On another day.”

“Stop,” Rory declares forcefully, holding her finger against his lips so he knows she means it.

Jess relents. “Okay,” he sighs. “Just know I’ll get it if you change your mind.”

- v. things we cried out at a crossroads -

Strained.

Silent.

Distant.

Those are the best adjectives to describe the status of her and Jess’s relationship as the bus pulls away from the curb a couple weeks later. After the party from hell. From her place on the sidewalk, her chest full of a heaviness she can’t name, Rory stares after it - after him - with little to no regard for the hour’s lateness or for the morning bell which signals the start of homeroom.

It’s the middle of May. That means finals, graduation, and summer loom on the periphery but she doesn’t care. None of it resonates. In the background she can hear Paris barking orders at a few trembling freshman and minted sophomores, but she does nothing to intervene. She makes no move to prevent her frenemy’s yellow journalistic splatter from crushing the innocents to smithereens.

Instead, she watches the hum and bump of the vehicle’s dusty rubber wheels as they roll down the street. She tracks the plume of smoke swirling from the exhaust pipe into the sky, which clouds over with blacks and grays instead of with clearing blues and radiant yellows. She waits until the bus turns left, its engine loud, roaring, to putt around the corner. Disappearing from view.

I hope he calls later, she thinks with a pang, with an iota of hope. We need to talk soon.

Rory’s eyes want to keep traveling with him long after he’s gone. So do her feet. They seek to follow along wherever Jess has gone, to ride beside him until they’re able to make sense of this mess between them and fix it. Fix them again.

Unfortunately for them both, they don’t. And it’ll be some time before they can, let alone before they do.

[myownsuperintendent]

New Fic: “Babysitting”

I haven’t written fic in forever, but here’s my attempt at re-entry, with a little fluff piece in my “A Different Place” AU!

 Over the years, Samantha babysits for her nieces and nephew. Rated G and also here at Ao3.

.....

“And may I have a number where I can reach you?” Samantha asks. “In case of emergency.”

Fox looks at her. “You know our cell numbers, Sam,” he says. “We’ve given them to you before.”

That’s true. “Well, is that where you would like me to reach you?” she asks instead. She has a list of questions that she knows she should ask, for babysitting, and she wants to make sure she has all the right information.

“Yes, that’ll be fine, Samantha,” Dana says. “But I’m sure everything will be okay.”

Samantha hopes she’s right. She hasn’t done any babysitting before. She’s mostly read about it, in the Baby-Sitters Club books, and those make it look like things are always happening. She isn’t sure that they’re very accurate, though, because some of the girls in the club are only eleven, and Dana says that anyone who would pay an eleven-year-old to watch an infant needs to have their head examined. Which makes sense, when Samantha thinks about it. When she was eleven, most of the kids in her class were very immature. But now she’s thirteen, and she said that she could watch Emily and William tonight, while Mom’s at her book club and Fox and Dana are going out for their anniversary. And they thought about it and said that she could. She knows she’s old enough, and of course she’s helped with Emily and William when other people were around, but still it’s a big responsibility, and she wants to take it seriously. She got her list of questions out of a book from the Red Cross.

She looks over it again now. “Those are all my questions,” she says. “I hope you have a very nice time at dinner.”

“Thanks, Sam,” Fox says, and he gives her a hug.

Dana is kissing Emily and William goodbye. “You’ll listen to Samantha, won’t you?” she asks, and Emily nods. William just claps his hands. He doesn’t really answer questions yet. But he’ll learn. “You should be asleep when we get back. But we’ll see you in the morning.”

“Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad,” Emily says, and everyone waves, and then they go.

It feels different, being in charge. Samantha thinks about it for a minute, after the door closes. She runs over her jobs in her head: make sure Emily and William stay safe, give them dinner, get them ready for bed. Right now, they can start with dinner, which makes her feel better, because she cooks a lot of time anyway. “We’re going to make spaghetti,” she says. “Emily, will you help me?” Emily nods again, and they go into the kitchen.

She gives Emily the vegetables to wash, and she puts William in his high chair, so she can keep an eye on him. “Do you want to play with something?” she asks him, and she gives him a bunch of plastic measuring cups. “Look,” she says. “Quarter cup, third cup, half cup, whole cup.”

She talks to him even though they can’t have a real conversation yet. Sometimes she wonders what he thinks about it. She remembers when she first came here, everyone always talking to her when she couldn’t talk back. How confused she was sometimes, but how it made her feel good too. Right now, he just says, “Cup,” and he laughs, and she smiles at him.

Spaghetti is quick to make, and after they eat, Emily helps her clean up. Then she has to put William to bed, which takes a little more time. Emily wants to read him a book, and even though Samantha’s in charge, so maybe she’s supposed to be the one to read the books, she lets Emily do it. Because Emily does read to William a lot of the time, and the book from the Red Cross said that it’s important to follow the household routines. Emily reads Goodnight Moon, and Samantha sits and holds William and listens too. When the story’s done he’s almost asleep, so Samantha kisses him on the top of his head and puts him into his crib and turns off the last lamp. He doesn’t cry, so she guesses she did all right with this part of babysitting. When William’s upset, you usually know.

She plays with Emily for a while after that. Emily wants to play with dolls; she has a doll named Felicity, who she got for Christmas and who she says is her favorite person in the world. “Except Mom,” she says, “and Dad and you and William.” Tonight, they play that Felicity is riding a horse, which is what she does most of the time. “Do you think we could get a horse?” Emily asks.

“I don’t know,” Samantha says. “Where would we keep it?”

“The backyard,” Emily says. “There’s lots of space.”

Samantha thinks about it. She doesn’t know anybody who has a horse, not around here anyway. “None of us can ride a horse,” she says.

“Felicity can,” Emily says. “And if we had one, we could learn. And I would give her apples.”

“I don’t think we’re going to get one, really,” Samantha says. “You could ask your mom, though.”

Emily seems satisfied enough with that. It’s time for her to go to bed now anyway; she can pretty much get ready herself, but Samantha reminds her to take her time brushing her teeth, like Dana usually does. And she reads to her, from one of the books about Felicity.

“Well, good night,” Samantha says. “I’ll be downstairs like usual.” She doesn’t go to sleep as early as Emily, so since they share a room she always goes downstairs for a while, so she won’t bother Emily with the light.

“Okay,” Emily says. “Good night.” And then, as Samantha is leaving, “Samantha? You’re a good babysitter.”

Samantha smiles. “Thank you,” she says. She’s never babysat before, so she’s not sure exactly what you have to do to be good at it. But when she thinks back over tonight, she thinks that, probably, Emily is right.

.....

Fox said that he was sorry to ask her for a favor on her day off, because he knows what long hours she works and he figures she probably wants to relax. That’s very considerate of him, but she really doesn’t mind. She actually thinks spending the day with Bea is pretty relaxing. For a baby, she’s very chill. And she thinks Bea will probably like spending the day here more than visiting colleges all day, with Fox and Dana and William. She’s babysat for her before, and it always goes well.

Mom says Bea looks like the other Samantha, when she was a baby (they don’t talk about that much, but she did say it once). Samantha doesn’t mind hearing it, these days, but she doesn’t really see it when she looks at the pictures. She would never say it, because Bea is her niece and she loves her and she does think she’s very special, but she’s seen a decent number of babies at the hospital, even though she doesn’t work in pediatrics, and they all have certain features in common. Bea does have the same color hair as her and Fox; her eyes are blue like Dana’s, though. Still, Samantha likes the idea that they might look alike, even if she doesn’t think it’s that noticeable.

Bea’s lying on her living room rug now, chewing on a rattle; Samantha’s made the apartment baby-proof, because she doesn’t want Fox and Dana to have to worry about that when they bring Bea over. She kicks her feet. She’s started crawling a little bit, sometimes, but she doesn’t seem in the mood right now.

“Do you want to go for a walk?” Samantha says. “I could push you in the stroller. And we could go by the grocery store. I need to get some vegetables.” Bea seems to like the suggestion well enough, and Samantha gathers up her things, puts her in the stroller, and heads out the door.

She knows, from when William was a baby, that there are occasions when you have to abandon your cart and take the baby out of the store (it helps if you have another person for this, but she doesn’t today), but Bea stays calm as they walk through the aisles. She gathers what she needs quickly, talking to Bea, narrating her produce choices.

On the way home, they run into one of her neighbors, a woman named Clara who lives upstairs. They’re not really friends, but they always say hello. Today, Clara stops to make faces at Bea. “Who’s this?” she asks. “What a sweet face!”

“This is Bea,” Samantha says. “She’s my niece.”

“I could tell,” Clara says. “You really look alike.” Samantha still doesn’t see it, but maybe it’s true. “Are you babysitting?”

“Yes,” Samantha says. “For the day.”

“Aw, fun,” Clara says. “Doesn’t it make you want one of your own?”

Samantha shrugs. She loves being an aunt, loves the family she has now, but that isn’t something she thinks about, really. Maybe it’s because she’s used to family happening for her, coming together serendipitously; she’s never made the choice about whether to add on. She’s content with her life as it is now, but maybe someday something else serendipitous will happen to change that too. Or maybe not. She thinks she’d be happy either way.

“I love spending time with her, anyway,” she says. And then Clara waves and goes on her way, and Samantha walks around outside the building with Bea for a while, because the weather is so beautiful.

[astralnexus]

All fear questions for Les, Niri, and Elysia

Spiders: Does your muse squish bugs or put them outside?

All three, especially Nirihel, will not hesitate to safely put insects outside.

The Dark: Did your muse sleep with a nightlight as a child?

Lesthael & Nirihel were never children, but they don’t mind soft ambient lighting in their room.

Not so much as a child, but when she and Halcyon had moved into their apartment, Elysia spent the best bit of a year with a nightlight on in her room.

Snakes: Would your muse ever keep an unusual/exotic pet?

All three absolutely would. I mean, do the giant serpents beneath the mountains count? dflkgjlkjhlkf

Blood: What’s the worst injury your muse has ever had?

Lesthael’s almost had his wings torn out a few times and suffered a few deep wounds. Nirihel’s suffered from quite a few near-fatal chest wounds before. And Elysia still considers the blunt-force-trauma from Lesthael’s attack her worst injury that she’s ever had.

Clowns: Does your muse prefer comedy? Or horror?

Lesthael prefers horror, 100%. Nirihel could lean either way, she doesn’t have too strong an opinion of either despite being a large consumer of human media in particular. Elysia on the other hand, has a love/hate relationship with horror but prefers that over comedy.

Mirrors: What is your muse’s least favorite thing about their appearance?

For Lesthael it’s a minor gripe about his appearance but he’s not too keen on his posture at this very moment. Nirihel doesn’t exactly dislike anything about her appearance but she’s not so vain as to be enamoured with herself. Elysia strongly dislikes her scars.

Tight Space: Does your muse ever feel that they’re not living up to their own potential?

That’s Lesthael’s constant mood. Nirihel sometimes feels that way, but often looks back to what she’s done in the past and realises that she’s always living up to her potential. Elysia always feels like she could do better. She doesn’t beat herself up about it but there’s definitely an invisible, unspoken standard there.

Closet Monsters: Does your muse hide any aspects of their personality/life from others?

Of course. But are they ever going to reveal those? Not unless they strongly trust that person.

Crowds: What does your muse think of big cities?

Lesthael finds them aesthetically pleasing, but the noise does get to him very quickly. Crowded places are just not his thing. Nirihel marvels at how many people can be packed into such a large space at any given time. Elysia’s used to large places like that, having formerly lived in a city (she and Halcyon have moved back to Fai’aerkran in the last year or so).

Death: Name one thing your muse has lost that they wish they could get back.

Lesthael just wants stability back in his life. Nirihel wants the missed opportunity to raise a child back. Elysia wants the entire childhood she never had.

Ghosts: Has your muse ever seen something they couldn’t explain?

Lesthael hasn’t, no. He’s very eager to explain things - being somewhat scientifically inclined definitely helps there. Nirihel hasn’t had many experiences in that sort of area - and when she has, she’s often not cared to explain it. Elysia, on the other hand, has encountered a few wayward souls from the Void and not even they could explain what happened.

Needles: Does your muse have a strong stomach?

Lesthael absolutely does. Do you think he’d have a torture room if he didn’t? Nirihel does too - she’s put up with a lot over the past 13 billion years. Elysia on the other hand - it depends on the subject. Blood she can deal with. Wounds, too. But excessive trauma can cause her to turn away.

Curses: Does your muse believe in good/bad luck? How about karma?

Lesthael believes in some form of luck, but not karma. Nirihel believes that people make their own luck, but believes nonetheless. Karma doesn’t even get considered by her. Elysia firmly believes in luck, and does not believe in karma either.

Heights: Is your muse a risk-taker?

Lesthael is a risk taker, but only if the detriment is based around him. He doesn’t risk others’ lives. Nirihel prefers to weigh her options. Elysia can and will take risks if she can.

Solitude: Name 3 things your muse couldn’t live without.

For Lesthael’s dramatic ass those three things would be: Fai’aerkran, the Syraxians, and his mountain. On a more serious note though, it would be his family, his home, and his friends. Nirihel could live without her family, the gardens, and a gift she received a while back. Elysia definitely couldn’t live without those she loves, her weapons, and her berries.

Fire: Would your muse rather be very cold, or very hot?

All three would rather be cold.

Failure: Has your muse ever given up on an important dream?

None of them have.

Abandonment: How would your muse win back someone who left them?

Lesthael and Nirihel are both charmers that can and will take it up to eleven. If they know what works for you, then they can and will use that to their advantage. Not in a manipulative way - they’d only do it if the person had expressed interest yet again. Elysia wouldn’t try.

The Unknown: Is your muse a philosophical person?

Lesthael moreso than anyone else, yes.

Boogeyman: What position does your muse sleep in?

All either sleep on their sides or their fronts depending on whether they’re sleeping alone or with company.

Falling: What does your muse think about falling in love or commitment? 

Lesthael & Nirihel feel so strongly not just for each other but for quite a few other people - they think it’s a blessing. As does Elysia. She loves the feeling of falling in love.

Change: What was a turning point in your muse’s life?

For both Lesthael and Elysia, it was The Second Great Rebellion. Nirihel doesn’t consider anything really a major turning point.

Disease: What does your muse do on a sick day?

Lesthael carries on as normal until told to relax. Nirihel immediately tries to calm down the symptoms and relax for the day. Elysia is either in bed, or refusing to stay in bed.

Number 13: Does your muse believe any superstitions? 

Lesthael and Nirihel started some superstitions on Fai’aerkran, but don’t believe in them. Elysia doesn’t believe in any Syraxian superstitions, however she isn’t too keen about walking under ladders. Whether that’s due to superstition or spatial awareness however, is her secret.

Noise: Name one sound your muse finds absolutely unbearable.

All of them hate the sound of high-pitched scraping and screeching.

Insects: Name something your muse finds gross or annoying.

There’s not much that Lesthael finds gross, but he absolutely abhors people eating with their mouth open. Same goes for Nirihel and Elysia.

Dolls: Has your muse ever collected something?

Yes! Lesthael collects sharp blades from Earth (has been doing so for... a long time.) Nirihel collects plants from Earth, and Elysia collects bird feathers!

Getting Old: Would your muse rather live 50 years loved, or 200 years alone?

Given that both of Elysia’s parents have lived both of those options, Elysia would rather live 50 years loved.

Social Phobia: Does your muse consider themselves an outgoing person?

Lesthael’s definitely an ambivert, in the middle. Nirihel considers herself quite outgoing, as does Elysia!

[themurphyzone]

World’s Greatest Dad Ch 1

“Remember how you said if I got you a little Mary McGuffin doll, I’d be the world’s greatest dad?” 

“Yeah, when I was like, seven….”

 I was thinking about this quote the other night, and it occurred to me that the PnF fandom doesn’t have a lot of stories that involve a younger Vanessa. They’re out there, I remember there was one fanfic that had Vanessa and Heinz visiting Roger on Halloween night and she was dressed like a black cat. And if anyone recalls Emergency Procedures by Sage of Mudora, there was a certain flashback where you don’t know true seething hatred for Heinz’s sperm and egg donors until you’ve read it.

 Anyway, the episode Finding Mary McGuffin gave me the inspiration for this fic. I’ve been wanting to write a young Vanessa story for a while now.  Hope you enjoy!

Ch 1: Questions and Hot Chocolate

Ads blared on the television, filling the penthouse with saccharine, overly cheery songs about family and all the hot items on sale this holiday season. Heinz knew he was going to get Jingle Bells stuck in his head again, but he was too preoccupied with cleaning to care. He debated breaking out the Vacuum-inator to speed things along, but that particular creation tended to be unpredictable on its best days. And he refused to wade through a balcony filled with dust bunnies again.

Heinz sprayed the table with a cleaning solution, swiping a rag through the liquid. He held his turtleneck over his nose so he didn’t breathe in the harsh ammonia scent.

He had to keep moving. It was better than just sitting on the couch and wallowing. Especially when the rest of the city was so cheery with their carols and horse-drawn carriages and chiming bells.

It wasn’t that he hated it, per se.

He just didn’t care.

And there were more important things to do. For instance, making his little girl happy and trying to establish himself as enough of a threat to warrant a nemesis.

Speaking of his little girl, Charlene should’ve dropped her off by now. Heinz glanced at the clock. How could it already be five with no sign of them yet? He forced himself to breathe and relax before dialing Charlene’s cell number.

“C’mon pick up, pick up,” Heinz muttered as the phone continued to ring. “Why isn’t she picking up?”

“Hello, Heinz. Vanessa and I are just heading out the door. We’ll be there in fifteen minutes,” Charlene said smoothly, as if she didn’t care about punctuality.

Heinz sighed. “You’re an hour late.”

“I’m not,” Charlene sounded offended. Heinz could just picture that familiar eye roll. Vanessa had taken to doing the same thing recently. Must’ve gotten it from her mom. “Did you forget Daylight Savings ended last month?”

“What does Daylight Savings have to do with anything?” Heinz grumbled. But he glanced at the time displayed on the DVD player, then over to the analog clock on the wall. Sure enough, the DVD player held the correct time. Heinz pinched the bridge of his nose in embarrassment. “Sorry, you’re right. I never remember to change the analog. Didn’t mean to get all…accusatory there.”

There was a soft snort on the other end. “Apology accepted. You want to talk to Vanessa? I can’t be on the phone and drive at the same time.”

Heinz could feel his mood brighten considerably. “That would be great.”

“Here, Vanessa. Talk to Dad,” Charlene said. Vanessa said something in the background that Heinz couldn’t make out. “Just say hi.”

“Hi,” a quiet voice muttered.

“Hi, sweetie! Are you ready for the weekend?” Heinz asked.

Silence.

“I’ve got hot chocolate and a box of candy canes here. You like that stuff, right?” he pressed.

“Mm-hm.”

Vanessa loved chocolate. It was her version of almond brittle. He knew she wouldn’t be able to resist a mug of her favorite drink, especially now that a cold front had blown into Danville. While it wasn’t unusual that she was quiet on the phone, he thought she’d at least perk up over that.

Heinz decided to try one more time. Maybe he could get a general idea of what was happening. “Are you feeling okay?”

“I’m fine,” Vanessa said, though she didn’t sound like it. “See you in a few minutes.”

She hung up.

Heinz could only stare at the phone in disbelief, wondering if the current custody agreement had something to do with him raising a teenager in a seven-year old’s body.

“Hot chocolate mix, mugs, marshmallows, candy canes, and the milk is in the fridge,” Heinz reviewed, racking his brain for any items he might’ve missed. “Instant Hot Cocoa-inator. I should remember that for next year. And it’ll be nothing like the Instant Hot Coffee-inator. I think I still have blisters from that one.”

The mug didn’t reply.

“I have got to stop talking to myself like this,” he muttered. The doorbell rang, and Heinz grinned at the items on the counter. “And I’ll be right back, you guys are gonna cheer my baby girl up in a bit, okay?”

He rushed to the door, pausing briefly to remind himself that he shouldn’t fling the door open and embrace Vanessa right there. The week had gone by slower than Heinz would’ve liked. It had been way too long since he last saw her.

Both Charlene and Vanessa would say it’s only been two weeks, but that was still a long time.

After inhaling deeply to calm himself, Heinz opened the door.

The first thing he noticed was how heavily the two were bundled up. Scarves, coats, boots, and pretty much the entire winter deal. It must’ve been colder than he thought.

Charlene cleared her throat. “Well, hope you two have fun.”

“Hi, Dad,” Vanessa said. She busied herself by removing her gloves. A black backpack was slung over her shoulders.  

“Hey, go put your things away and come to the kitchen,” Heinz said. “I’m making both of us hot chocolate. Looks like you could use it.”

For more reasons than just the cold, he added silently as he watched her shuffle off to her room.

Once Vanessa was out of earshot, Charlene sighed. “Maybe you’ll have better luck with her. I think something happened at school this week, but she’s not handing over any details.”

“She isn’t being bullied, is she?” Heinz’s mouth tasted like sand, his memories of Big Black Boots Boris resurfacing briefly before he pushed that bully to the back of his mind (part of him was itching to make a scheme out of that).

“I’d have to call her teacher for a conference as soon as possible if that were the case. There’s a week and a half left before Winter Break,” Charlene mused, shooting Heinz a pointed look that clearly said she’d be handling the teacher portion if it came to that.

Heinz balked, but he knew she had a point. He’d gotten tossed out of the last Meet the Teacher night, and the school probably wouldn’t want him back on their property any time soon.

“I’ll see what I can do,” Heinz finally said. “No promises though.”

“You’ve gotten through to her before,” Charlene said. “I’m sure this time will be no different. Anyway, I’d better go. Those holiday cards aren’t going to write themselves. Be back on Sunday evening!”

“We’ve done this routine for two years!” Heinz called after her as she walked back to the elevator, annoyed that she thought he needed the reminder. “I already know it!”

He closed the door, mentally counting to ten to get his irritation out.

Vanessa was taking her time, he’d noticed. Heinz was about to knock on her bedroom door to check on her, but he knew she didn’t like being rushed. He decided to microwave the milk first and only check if she hadn’t come out by the time both mugs finished.

It was funny how time worked. Sometimes days passed in the blink of an eye, while others would drag on until the dull clicks of a clock would drive any sane person mad. It seemed like yesterday that Vanessa had learned to crawl and would stubbornly insist on following him everywhere. It was the first time Heinz had noticed just how unsafe the makeshift lab he’d set up in the basement could be. He didn’t want to find out if Vanessa had inherited his resistance to random things exploding.

Then the divorce happened.

Heinz and Charlene didn’t see eye to eye on many things. But they both agreed that Vanessa shouldn’t be denied a relationship with one parent.

Things worked out. Though the first few weekend visits had been awkward, Vanessa adjusted remarkably well. In fact, Heinz thought she adjusted better than he had.

“Dad, you’re being weird again,” a voice cut in.

Heinz blinked, realizing that he’d been staring down at two steaming mugs of milk. Vanessa must’ve come in while he’d been lost in his thoughts.

Wallowing, to be exact.

It was a habit he really needed to break.

Vanessa tossed a math workbook onto the table, rushing up to the counter to get a good look at the ingredients Heinz had set out.

“I don’t have whipped cream, but we’ll be fine without it,” Heinz said. “How many marshmallows do you want?”

“I can do it myself,” Vanessa declared, ripping open the hot chocolate mix and dumping it into her mug.

“How’s school going?” Heinz asked as he added the mix to his own cup. Vanessa was too focused on getting the last of the powder out to respond. “Just trying to make conversation.”

She glanced at the box of candy canes before slowly pushing it away.

“Not a fan?” he guessed. “Or is it the whole no candy before dinner thing? Cause you can have one. What your mother doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

Vanessa shook her head. “There’s a girl in Ms. Hanson’s class who looks like a candy cane. She wears red and white and she’s always carrying this huge stuffed Ducky Momo.”

It was the first time she’d spoken more a few sentences since arriving. Heinz couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. Then he saw Vanessa shooting a reproachful glare at him, and he figured that he wasn’t supposed to be smiling at whatever she was going to say. He took a sip of his drink as he focused on getting his mouth back to a neutral position.

“Is this girl being mean to you?” Heinz asked. The words were out of his mouth before he knew it. He couldn’t help but assume the worst. Or think up a whole bunch of complicated schemes that would nip this bullying thing in the bud before Vanessa was hurt.

Bullies would leave their mark forever.

He knew that all too well.

Vanessa added two marshmallows to her hot chocolate and carried it back to the table. “She’s not mean,” she said, resting her elbow on the table as she stirred her hot chocolate. “We talk sometimes. We were sitting at lunch together today.”

Heinz was just relieved that bullying didn’t seem to be the issue. “And what happened?”

“We talked,” Vanessa said. “She said her mom was remarrying and she was getting a new brother. Then I asked who her mom was married to before. And she said she didn’t remember his name, but he was gone. Then she grabbed her Ducky Momo and left.”

Suddenly the hot chocolate didn’t seem so appetizing anymore.

There was always the possibility of Charlene remarrying some stranger. She was financially stable and down to earth. But he couldn’t fathom Vanessa calling someone else ‘Dad.’ That honor belonged to him alone and there was no force in the world that could make him surrender it.

“And why you’re upset has something to do with this?” he asked, uncertain as to where this story was heading.

“I think I made her mad,” Vanessa said quietly. She breathed on her hot chocolate, creating small ripples along the surface. “Did I say something wrong?”

“You didn’t,” Heinz replied. He didn’t know all the details. Vanessa might’ve left something out. But it didn’t seem like a possibility. And he didn’t want her to imitate his self-blaming habit. “What did you mean by ‘he was gone’?”

Vanessa shrugged. “Gone.”

Which could mean a lot of things, but it was clear she didn’t know. Heinz decided to drop that part.

“You could say sorry if you’re worried about her being mad,” Heinz suggested.

“Okay,” Vanessa said, for once not arguing with him. She was biting her lip. There was something else on her mind.

Against his better judgment, Heinz decided to pry. “Are you thinking about anything else?”

“Are you going to be gone too?”

English words with multiple meanings were quickly rising to the top of his To Destroy list.

“I…I don’t understand,” Heinz sputtered, almost choking on a marshmallow. He seriously needed to brush up on what parenting books said about discussing heavy topics. “Gone as in left or gone as in… permanently gone?”

He couldn’t say dead.

And he wasn’t sure which option was worse.

“Both,” Vanessa said. She was giving him an odd look.

This was how the girl Vanessa had talked to must’ve felt. Heinz couldn’t blame her for stomping off if Vanessa’s questions made her uncomfortable. He was tempted to do the same thing.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Heinz said firmly as he dumped the empty mugs in the sink. It was taking all his effort to sound calm. “And I don’t have anywhere else I need to be. Just do your homework and I’ll cook dinner.”

Vanessa didn’t argue. She flipped to her assignment and got right to work.

A/N: Heinz, you’re a disaster. A lovable disaster but still.

It’s funny how Vanessa’s story about accidentally making Candace mad/uncomfortable came together because it didn’t start that way when I was planning it. Some things just write themselves, you know?

[forever-rogue]

Just Friends? - Part II

Request: I’d love if you would write a Natasha Romanoff x female reader fic, where they’re both avengers and have been sleeping together and flirting for a few months. R develops feelings for Nat and is loyal to her and thinks that Nat feels the same even though they never put a label on it. But 1 night R overhears a conversation that Nat and Clint are having, where Clint teases her about her ‘girlfriend’ and Nat says that it’s ‘not serious’. R is devastated and runs off.      

A/N: So this is a requested part 2 to the original one shot. I hope you all enjoy! Taglists and Requests are open! xx

Paring: Bucky x Reader (mentions of Nat x Reader)

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: Fluff mostly

PART I

MASTERLIST

“Doll, your phone’s ringing again!” Bucky called to Y/N as she was finishing getting ready in their bedroom. He looked at the phone and noticed that the number wasn’t saved to her phone, “never mind, it’s probably nothing important, the number’s not stored!”

“Let it go to voicemail. If it’s anything important, they’ll leave a message,” she responded as she walked out of the room, putting her last earring in. Bucky smiled at her as she stopped and did a small twirl, giving him a full look at her outfit, “what do you think?”

“You look as gorgeous as ever,” he walked over to her and put his hands on her waist. He paused and inhaled her familiar scent. Sometimes he wished he could just stay in and be surrounded by her all the time. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and smiled at her, “you’re stunning in fact.”

“Why thank you, Mr. Barnes,” she beamed at him, meeting his bright blue eyes and quickly pecked his cheek, “you don’t look so bad yourself. A real show stopper.”

“Oh, this old thing?” he joked as he smoothed out his suit jacket, “I thought I’d put some effort in for once. It’s hard when to look good when I’m always overshadowed by your beauty.”

“Okay, cheeseball. But truly, you look very dapper. What is this thing from? 1940?” she joked as he stuck out his tongue, causing her to throw her head back in laughter.

“How rude! But if you must know it’s new,” he defended himself as Y/N just laughed. They were interrupted when Y/N’s phone started buzzing again. She sighed as she pulled back from Bucky and grabbed it off the wireless charger they had on the kitchen counter, “who is it this time?”

“I don’t know,” she said as she studied the number, “I’m going to answer and see. Maybe then they’ll stop calling.”

“Good idea,” he agreed as she answered it.

“Hello?” she asked as she put it on speaker phone so Bucky could hear as well.

“Y/N? It’s Nat,” Y/N’s eyes narrowed as she looked up and met Bucky’s just as bewildered expression. Why on earth would she be calling?

“Hello? Y/N?” Nat asked as Bucky and Y/N looked at each other in stunned silence, “is anyone there?”

“What do I do?” Y/N mouthed silently at Bucky and his shrugged shoulders. She gave him a worried look but decided it would probably best to at least give her an answer, “Hi Nat.”

“Y/N,” she heard her say softly at the other end of of the line, “I miss you.”

“Why are you calling, Natasha?” she almost wished she hadn’t answered the phone - she wasn’t exactly in the mood to rehash the past.

“Can we talk? I just...I really do miss you and-”

“This isn’t a good time, Nat. I’m getting ready to head out,” she rolled her eyes silently at Bucky who barely held back his laugh, “if you’ve just called to talk then I’m not going to indulge you. There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Y/N - please,” she gritted her teeth but didn’t hang up, “can we just meet up and talk?”

“I don’t see what good that could possibly do.”

“Please-”

“Fine, Natasha, fine. I’ve really got to go,” she sighed as she rubbed her temples, “text me a time and a place and I’ll see if I’m available.”

She didn’t want for a response before ending the call. Bucky looked at her with wide eyes, and Y/N let out a long groan. He moved silently towards her before pulling her in for a tight hug, “what do you think she wants?”

“I don’t know,” she sighed as she rested her face in the crook of his neck, “but whatever it is, I”m not interested.”

“Just be careful, doll,” he insisted as he gently rubbed her back.

“I will,” she promised and gently kissed the delicate skin of his neck, “now, let us go and have a fabulous night on the town celebrating us. Tonight that’s all that matters.”

“Sounds wonderful to me,” he grinned at her as he took her hand in his hand and entwined his fingers with hers, “happy anniversary, my love.”

“Happy one year, my love,” she responded with a smile and squeezed his hand a little bit, “I look forward to many more years.”

“I love you,” he said as he kissed the top of her head. He opened the door to their apartment and led her outside. He was excited to send the evening out with her - he had a few surprises planned for Y/N to celebrate their first anniversary.

It was a warm, sunny, breezy afternoon out in New York City and Y/N wanted nothing more than to enjoy the outside; but instead she turned a corner and headed down a dingy looking alley. She glanced down at her phone to make sure she had gotten the correct address and frowned slightly when the text confirmed that it was. Why would she want to meet somewhere like this?

Y/N spotted the hole-in-the-wall diner that looked like it had seen better days and opened the door gingerly. The inside was almost no better than the outside - it was dimly light with a an old musty smell lingering in the air. The upholstery suggested it had been around and untouched for at least several decades.

“Sit anywhere you want!” a gruff voice called out to her, pulling her out of her thoughts and startled her. She gave the voice a small wave of acknowledgement before spotting a lone diner sitting at the last booth in small diner. It wasn’t the bright red she had come to know, but a white blonde.

Treading slowly on the creaky floor, she made her to Natasha. She paused when she reached her, wondering if she made the right choice. She took a deep breath before sliding into the booth and coming face to face with the woman who had broken her heart over a year ago.

“Y/N, you actually came,” Nat croaked out as she met Y/N’s eyes. She looked different than she used to, It wasn’t just the drastic hair change, it was the expression in her eyes, or lack thereof, the gaunt look of her face, and the shabby clothes she was wearing.

“I said I would,” Y/N shrugged lightly. She didn’t say anything as she felt Natasha’s eyes rake over her. She clasped her hands on the table, waiting for her to say something.

“You’re engaged,” she said simply. It wasn’t a question - it was a statement. Y/N sighed and wished she had remembered to take the new ring off. She had to hide a smile as she thought back to a few nights ago, when it had been her and Bucky’s first anniversary. He had said he had a few surprises in store for her, and he hadn’t disappointed. Bucky had gone through the whole nine yards and planned an elaborate evening which ended with him getting down on one knee and proposing, “who is it? Do I know them?”

“Why does it matter, Nat? It’s really none of your business,” Y/N sighed and rubbed her temples. They were interrupted when a waitress, who looked like she was ready to eavesdrop, came over and poured them some coffee. They remained silent while she poured the warm black liquid in their cups, staring at each other silently.

“It’s Bucky, isn’t it?” she asked as soon as the waitress had left. Y/N gritted her teeth but remained silent, “of course it is. I should have known. He’s the one who pulled us apart.”

“Whoa, what on earth are you talking about?! Natasha, you were the one that broke my heart and then acted like it was nothing. Bucky was my friend first, and he was the one that was there to help me pick up the pieces. You were the one that led me on and then decided we were just friends with benefits,” Y/N was enraged now. This was exactly what she had wanted to avoid. She wished she had listened to her gut and declined the invitation.

“He doesn’t love you! I love you,” she hissed at Y/N, “he stole you away from the team and just left everyone.”

“No, Natasha, you didn’t love me and you still don’t love me,” she sighed, “Bucky and I chose to leave together because we were done with that life, we were ready to grow up and try a different life. We are good together, and I love him more than anything. Now tell me what you want.”

“I just...missed you, and wanted to see if you wanted to go out sometime,” she said simply. Y/N looked at her in shock, opening and closing her mouth a few times, searching for the right words.

“What about Clint?”

“He broke up with me,” she replied coldly as she bit her lip and avoided looking in Y/N’s eyes. Of course - suddenly everything made sense. She didn’t miss or love Y/N, she just missed having something around for her use and pleasure. 

“Interesting,” Y/N sighed and slammed her palm lightly on the table, “so you only decided to come around again because you got hurt. Why would you do that? You just go around making rash decisions, then come back and expect everyone to be okay with it? People’s feelings aren’t something you just play around with.”

“I’m not playing around-”

“Yes, yes you are! You said you just had fun with me, then left me high and dry, and then kept trying to hook up once I’d gotten with Bucky. You tried to blame him for ‘breaking us up’ but also claimed we’d never been together. So, which was it? You need to learn to grow up and make less rash decisions. You can’t go around and act like your actions don’t have consequences,” Y/N saw Nat’s face go through a range of emotions, but it didn’t matter. She was steadfast in her ways and didn’t want to give in to her. She was the one who had brought this upon in herself.

“Y/N, I don’t think you know what you're saying," she countered but Y/N was having none of it. Crossing her arms, she raised her eyebrow at Nat, "please, I do love you."

"I don't love you, Nat. I'm sorry but I'm not going to lie and say I do. It took me a long time to get over you and for you to suddenly come back when things aren't going your way is selfish," Y/N gave her a cold look and stood up from the booth, "please don't contact me again. I think you would really benefit from taking a step back and working on yourself.

She threw a few dollar bills on the table for her untouched coffee before heading out of the musty diner and back in the fresh air.

Pulling out her phone, she sent Bucky a quick text telling him she'd be home soon. Oddly enough, she felt the prickle of a few tears starting in her eyes, which she quickly wiped away.

"Y/N!" Nat quickly caught up to her and tried to reach for her arm, but Y/N yanked it out of her reach, "please wait!"

"I don't have anything left to say to you," she responded as she pulled on some sunglasses and started heading in the direction of her apartment.

"You're making a mistake," Nat huffed when she realized she wasn't going to get her way, "I can't believe I even came back for this. I'm too good for you anyway. God, you and Bucky deserve each other."

"If you say so," she shrugged her shoulders and continued on her way. It was tempting to look back, but she fought the urge.

"You'll regret this!" was the last thing she heard as she flashed Natasha a peace sign over her shoulder. When she had first met Natasha she thought she was wise and mature, but this revealed who she really was. It wasn't Y/N who didn't deserve Natasha, it was the other way around.

"Babe? I'm back!" Y/N called out as she shut the door behind her, discarding her shoes by the entry way. She didn't hear a response but smelled something delicious emanating from the kitchen.

She found Bucky there, intently baking a cake with a recipe book laid out in front of him. She snuck over and stuck her finger in the bowl, snapping him out of his trance.

"Hey, doll you're home!" he beamed at her as she tasted the batter and gave him a nod, "I didn't know how things would go so I wanted to bake you a cheer up cake!"

"You're so sweet," she said as she came around the counter and gave him a kiss, "literally the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"Literally?" he teased her, "that's a pretty strong declaration."

"Literally, James Buchanan Barnes," she grinned at him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his forehead against her. He cleaned his eyes and and inhaled her familiar - so warm and comforting to him, “hey.”

“Hmm?” he asked without opening his eyes. She leaned back a little bit and looked at him with a mischievous twinkles in her eyes.

“I was promised a cake,” she said and pointed to the bowl behind him, “get baking mister.”

He let out a deep, hearty laugh as he through his head back. He paused momentarily before capturing her lips in another kiss and whispering softly, “I love you so much.” 

Y/N felt a blush creep into her cheeks, something he had the ability to cause even after all this time. She nodded gently in response as he let her go and went about making the cake he had said he would. 

To think anyone else ever even caught her eye was astounding, but she was so glad he had always stuck around for her. 

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[alpaca-obsession]

Brave Little Soldier

Warnings: underage drinking, talking about sex, family drama, hurt reader, yelling.

Word count: 1,871

A/N: Please leave some feedback :)

--------

"Where are we going Dean?", You asked. You and your brother were driving for 4 hours now, and Dean never told you where the two of you were going.

"We're going to get someone to help us find Dad." "Help us find Dad? Who on earth would be able to help us find Dad?"

Your question was answered short after, when the car stopped in front of a house. "Dean, it's the middle of the night. Who ever your help may be, they're asleep." Dean said nothing and got out of the car.

"Dean!", you hissed, but he didn't hear you. "Okay. Just break into this house in the middle of the night and leave me behind. Great job big brother."

Minutes passed. Those minutes felt like hours. The lights in the house went on and you saw Dean's silhouette and two others. One belonged to a man, a head taller than Dean, and the other one belonged to a women.

Who was this help? Dean and the other guy went out of the house and Dean went back to the car.

"So. Who's our help?", you asked looking at Dean with a raised eyebrow.

"You would kill me if I told you. Just stay in the car a little longer, and then we'll get back on the road", Dean said and left you behind again. You shook your head and crossed your arms over your chest. He really thought you were just going to stay behind? No.

You got up and went straight to the house. What you weren't expecting was your two older brothers looking at you. You were shocked. "He's our help? Are you serious?!", You almost yelled.

"Y/n I can explain, okay?", Dean said. "He is not going to help us!", You now yelled. "We wouldn't be here, if we didn't need him. Now go back to the car."

You shook your head again, muttered some insults under your breath and went back to the car. Dean really thought Sam was going to help you? That guy left years ago, so he could have a normal life. And here you were. Asking that jackass for help! Unbelievable!

Saying that you were angry didn't even scratch the surface of what you felt. You weren't just angry. It was more than that. It was anger, disappointment, hurt and betrayal. Sam left for a normal life. Now he had a girlfriend and didn't even care to give you a call once in a while. And now Dean was begging him for help...

Sam was still looking at the door you just went out of. He couldn't believe his eyes. What he saw was his sister. His y/n. How she'd grown.

"She's gorgeous, isn't she?", Dean said, noticing his brothers look.

"Yeah. She is", Sam was confused. That wasn't the girl he left. That wasn't the little girl with the y/h/c hair that wanted to braid her dolls hair with him. That wasn't the girl asking him to do a tea party. That wasn't his y/n. It wasn't the same girl.

"What happened?", Sam couldn't stop the question. He couldn't stop looking at the door. He couldn't stop thinking about how you had changed.

Sam knew that his older brother was going to lie. He knew it by the way Dean hesitated.

Dean was fighting with himself. Should he tell his little brother what had happened to their baby sister? What you'd been through since Sam left? Since your father left? No. He couldn't tell him. Dean couldn't tell Sam that you had changed because of him. He couldn't tell him that you now wanted to be everything but that girl from the past. That you wanted to be everything but the y/h/c girl that played with dolls and had tea partys with the big brother she admired the most.

"Nothing happened. She's fine", Dean finally answered to Sam's question.

Sam knew better than to keep asking. Dean wouldn't tell him anyway.

*Time skip because I can*

Sam decided to help you. He didn't do it for your father. He did it for you. Everything he did was for you. The sister he had missed so much. He wished he had taken you with him when he left. You wouldn't have been so cold hearted to him.

In fact you had been ignoring him. You didn't want to talk to him. You didn't want to look at him. Everything that had to do with him hurt. Everytime you looked at you older brother, you felt like that betrayed little girl from then. You could feel it coming back to the surface. All the feelings you had hidden so well.

You had admired your brother's. Both of them. Since you could think you had admired them. But Sam was always the one you admired the most. You were just four years younger than Sam, and eight years younger than Dean.

When Sam was twelve he began wanting a normal life. You were eight at that time. You thought Sam was right. But you felt guilty because of your father. You wanted that demon dead. Of course Mary Winchester hadn't been you mother. But you still wanted to kill that demon, for the things he put your brother's through. Even if you were only Sam and Dean's half sister, they loved you, and you loved them.

Once John had to stay for over a year to work on a case, so that's when you happened. John hooked up with a women and you were the result of not using condoms. Your mother was killed too. Not by the yellow eyes demon, but by a vampire. She sacrificed herself for you and John.

"What can I get you?", the waitress asked as she looked at you and your brother's.

"Two beers please", Dean said. "Anything else? For the lady maybe?", the waiting asked. You simply shook your head. With 18 you weren't of legal age so no beer for you in any bars.

The waitress went to get Sam and Dean's beers and came back short after she left. She placed on beer in front of Dean, the other one in front of Sam, and a napkin in front of you. You raised an eyebrow at her and she just smirked, before she made her way to another couple of guests.

You unfolded the napkin only to find a phone number in it. Dean shook his head and you placed the napkin in you pocket. Even though you could take out a lot of scary monsters, Dean always had an eye on you. Like the protective brother he was raised into.

After listening to your brother's conversations you had enough and made you way over to the bar so you could flirt with some bartenders. You even got a second chance to flirt with the waitress. Screw legal age. No one was going to care anyway.

"Dean what happened to her?", Sam asked, watching you leave with the waitress.

Dean hesitated. He wasn't going to destroy his brothers view of their sister. He couldn't do that to him. It would break his heart.

"Dean what happened to y/n? That's not the girl I remember." Sam was worried about you.

"People change Sammy", came the quiet reply from Dean. He wouldn't tell Sam. Not yet. Not here. "Let's get back to the motel."

Back in the motel the brothers waited hours for your return. When you finally arrived at the motel, Sam was worried sick and had asked Dean to call you at least five times. Sam was walking up and down the room, when you opened the door and stumbled into it. He was shocked. You had been drinking. Sam couldn't believe it. You were drunk and probably had sex with that waitress, without being of legal age.. He couldn't believe how you had changed. From that sweet little girl into... This.

"Did you have fun, kid?", Dean wanted to know. You stumbled to the couch and fell onto it.

"The best sex ever", you giggled. That was the first time that day, that Sam had heard you giggle.

"What happend to you?", Sam sounded confused. He couldn't put one and one together. He was lacking information. He needed to know what had happened to you. Why you had changed so much.

"You want to know what happened?", Your mood had changed, from playful and lovely to angry and bitter. Sam nodded, unable to say anything.

"You happened."

"What?", now he was even more confused. "I haven't seen you in three years! How could I happen?"

"You left us! From one minute to the other you were gone! You just left everything behind!", You yelled at you favourite brother. "You only thought about yourself!"

That broke his heart. He wanted to take you with him when he left. But he couldn't. He had been so angry at your father that he only wanted to get as far away as possible. He didn't think twice about his decision. It broke his heart that it was his fault you had become like this.

"I've tried calling you so many times and you didn't pick up once! For a time I thought you were dead! No one knew were you were, you didn't answer any calls, you were just gone Sam! And now here you are. Asking why I changed? You know why? The big brother I admired the most was gone. One minute you were there. And in the next you were out of the door! I cried myself to sleep that night. I've cried myself to sleep for months!", You were standing in front of Sam now, looking up at him because of his height. It was the first time you were really looking at him. Tears started to fill your eyes at the memories.

"I lost everything I ever believed in, in only a few minutes. I lost my brother. My hope. Everything. The only thing left was hunting. Being the perfect little soldier for dad! You know what he always told me? That I had to be brave. Brave because of all these monsters. Brave because even family could turn against you. I was fifteen when you left! You took everything I was with you that night. That's why I'm like this. It's your fault!"

You had hit Sam in the chest a few times while the tears were streaming down your cheeks. Dean was sitting in a chair and carefully watched you pouring your heart out.

Eventually Sam caught your wrists and pulled you into a hug. It was what you needed. What you had missed the past three years. You had missed Sam's arms wrapped around your body. You missed feeling safe in them.

"My brave little soldier", Sam whispered in your hair. His shirt was wet with your tears, but he didn't care. All he cared about was you in his arms. He didn't care about Dean watching. He didn't care about the fact that you should be looking for your father. You were all that mattered.

"I missed you", you whispered after a long period of silence.

"I missed you too."

[hawkeyeharrington]

Don’t Let Go

Title: Don’t Let Go Pairings: Bucky x Fem!Reader, slight Steve x Reader (Platonic) Warnings: It’s based off Infinity War...so mentions of death, possible spoilers I guess but I’m as clueless as everyone else so not really.

Haven’t proof read yet, so sorry for errors Word Count: 1.9K

Going into battle was a piece of cake for the Avengers. Over the years they'd grown used to the fact they would win with minor injuries.

This was a completely different situation.  You'd all witnessed Thanos destroy a planet only hours before. Help had been called in from around the world and  from space. Star-Prince and his Guardians rang a vague bell. You weren't really concentrating when Steve was explaining, you were too busy trying to remember what everyone looked like before this. When they were happy. Thor was back from Asgard, Tony had made his peace with everyone and agreed to return and brought his protégé Spiderman with him. While no one had said it, everyone knew that they wouldn't all make it out from the battle. Everyone was changing into their battle outfits, a ritual you had found hilarious in the past, with the exception of a few. Clint was on the phone with his wife, you had voted to not call him in but you knew he'd feel guilty if he didn't take part, Bruce and Natasha were talking quietly and you were just sat in the corner. Your head was in your arms and your knees brought up to your chest to try and make yourself as small as possible. "You don't have to fight. There's still time for you to go home." Bucky told you gently as he sat beside you. One small glance up at him let you know he was ready. He was in full black, gun by the side of his shiny new metal arm. An arm that should have represented freedom and a new start and yet here he was, going into battle again. "I'm an Avenger. I'm not leaving you all out there to have all the fun." You told him, forcing a smile. He just sighed and wrapped an arm around your shoulders, seeing right through you facade. "You have a family. Unlike most of us, you have someone out there separate from all this. You have the option to leave with no judgement." He whispered as you leaned into him "You're all my family as much as my parents. I can't leave you all. Especially you Bucky. We do this together remember." You mumbled, reaching across him to gently trace the gaps in his arm. "This is an exception, doll." He moved his arm closer to you so you didn't have to lean across him. "This isn't like other battles. People are going to die. I don't want you to be one of them." "And I don't want for you to be one of them. I watch your back, you watch mine." You smiled to yourself, remembering the last time he said that, as you reached down and linked your fingers with him. "I've already called my parents. They're not happy but they understand." He swallowed hard but nodded. "Okay. Once we're done today, we're retiring though. I'm getting too old for all the running." He laughed trying to lighten the mood. You looked up, your insides getting warm at his laugh that you loved so much. "Could've fooled me. You don't look a day over thirty." You grinned, leaning up to give him a gentle kiss. "C'mon. Steve probably wants to have a moment with you. I can't stop the bromance." You winked and stood up, offering him a hand to pull him up.

*******

Everyone had said their goodbyes in hugs rather than words, not wanting to quite admit the inevitable. A few tears had been shed on your half, especially when you looked Steve in the eye before you fell into his arms. He was the brother you wish you had and it hurt to see him so broken already. He'd accepted what was going to happen. "I love you okay. You better be here after all this to finish watching Harry Potter with me. We're only half way through." You told him, your voice trembling as your hand traced his jaw. The beard was a nice addition to his face, you'd told him that repeatedly when you first saw him. "Of course. I know Bucky won't watch it with you." He teased sadly, leaning into your palm. "His loss. We have more to talk about than you two." He smirked before looking just last your shoulder. "Speaking of Bucky, I think he needs a hug. He looks like a lost puppy."  You gave him a kiss on the cheek. "See you after all this Cap." You saluted him cheekily, he repeated the action before pushing you towards his best friend.  You had only just noticed that the concealed area you were in was packed. T'Challa had bought all his soldiers and Thor had brought a considerable amount of Asgardians to increase numbers in order to beat Thanos. "You look surprisingly calm." Bucky spoke gently. He reached down to your side to grab your hand the second he could.  "No point panicking. What happens over the next few hours is gonna happen. No avoiding it. I'm starting to make peace with it all." You shrugged, a sad smile reached your lips. "I meant what I earlier. Once this is all done we're moving far from all this. I'm thinking a cottage not too far from the beach. And a dog." He smiled, imagining what your lives could be like. "A dog? Since when did that become part of this future?" You asked, not opposed to it at all. "Well I figured...it's a great way to start our family. If that's what you want." Your faced dropped slightly, “I mean, if that what you still want. If not I’m completely fine it being just us.” He said quickly out of panic.

“When did you change your mind?” You asked quiet, ignoring his rambling. You’d had the family discussion multiple times and he had never thought he was fit for a family, you’d accepted that it would just be the both of you until the end.

“We’ve saved the world together, we’ve babysat the Avengers and I haven’t had an episode since Wakanda. If we can do all that, why can’t we have family?” He said, a small grin appearing as he saw your eyes water at the thought.

You didn’t respond, instead you threw yourself into him and kissed him, hard. You had no idea how long the two of you had been in this position but you were disturbed by a cough from Steve. You pulled away from Bucky to see everyone was getting into position.

“I love you and I’ll see you later. We’ll continue this later on okay?”

Bucky nodded. “I love you too.” He then pulled you into place. His kissed the back of your hand before releasing it so he could swing his gun from its position on his back.

You pulled your shotguns from the holsters on your legs and gave him one last look before you all started running.

 *******

About twenty minutes in you were exhausted. Thanos’s men just kept coming out of nowhere, even Steve started to look tired and he had super soldier serum running through him.

Another twenty minutes later, the battlefield was filled with so many bodies from both sides. Most were from the opposing side but you recognised a few of your own team. You were sure you saw Tony trying to revive Peter with his suit, Clint was stood in front of Natasha, defending her, while she was wrapping up a bullet wound on her arm and Thor and Steve had teamed up in order to take more men out at once.

You were pretty sure you a bullet had grazed your leg, you’d been punched too many times to count and you were almost positive a knife had been in your arm at some point during the battle. But adrenaline was still pumping through you and you could not feel a thing. You’d never been so thankful.

A further ten minutes and barely anyone was left standing. The only people that you could see were Clint, Sam and Thor. Your heart stopped when you realise you couldn’t spot Bucky. You looked as far forward as you could at the bodies on the floor, you span around and searched again until you spotted him, crouched beside Steve.

You started making your way over to him, slowly to ensure you didn’t trip on anyone. When you were close enough, you called his name, your voice hoarse. You couldn’t remember being punched in the throat, but honestly you couldn’t remember much of the last hour.

When Bucky saw movement in the corner of his eye, he immediately picked up his gun and raised it in your direction.

“It’s me. It’s okay.” You cried out to him. Stopping abruptly in your place.

He didn’t hesitate to drop his gun and limp towards you, engulfing you in a hug as soon as he reached you. You ignored the pain, finally coming down form your adrenaline rush and just relaxed into him.

“I couldn’t find you. I thought I lost you.” He whispered as he pulled you closer to him. You both stayed like that for a minute before he pulled away to assess your injuries.

“Man…I wish I had your healing abilities.” You choked out. The look he tried to conceal as he looked at you revealed all you needed to know. “Honestly, I’m about 70% sure that not all this blood is mine.” You tried to humour him. The pain running through you now confirmed all the injuries you had previously thought was a possibility. You’d been stabbed, punched and shot but Bucky was okay and in front of you and that’s all you needed to know at this moment in time. “I’m fine though. Nothing that can’t heal in ti-.”

You were cut off by gun being fired.

You gasped and fell into him, your breathing getting heavier.

You’d been shot.

It all happened so quickly. Bucky had lowered himself to the floor and you were cradled in his arms. “Keep your eyes on me. Please.” He whispered, gently patting your face to try get your attention before his hand dropped to your stomach, pressing into the wound. You gasped in pain and he apologised immediately. “I can’t lose you…” He cried, tears now visibly falling down his face. “You’re the only one for me. You can’t leave now. We were only just starting to plan everything. I can’t lose you and Steve on the same day. You’re my family” He sobbed.

You smiled at him, flinching in pain. “We had a good time.” You told him quietly, if he wasn’t so focused he’d have missed it. “But it’s okay. I promise.” You told him, your eyes becoming unfocused. “You can still get a dog. Just please don’t name it after me.” You told him, your hand resting on top of his. “I don’t want my only legacy to be a dog.” You trailed off at the end of that sentence,

Bucky yelled out to whoever was left standing to help him. He was too late to help Steve but you were still breathing. Only just anyway.

He brought his attention back to you once he saw Thor and Sam run over to you both, only to notice you’d become considerably weaker in his arms in a matter of seconds. 

Your eyes shut and then you went limp in his arms.

[howveryheather]

pandemic songs + self discovery

My Spotify Unwrapped for 2020 looked remarkably similar to every other year of my life recorded on the platform. The number one song, for what has to be at least four years running, is an ambient track from a video game that I listen to while I’m working. Most of my top musicians are a mix of film and television composers and Enya. This is true even in a pandemic. So many of my existing musical influences are still here to weather the many storms of life that are ahead — whether I am ready for them or not.

In every moment where I was not working, I was listening to a lot of music. Pouring over my Spotify, I’m able to see so many different moods and feelings. I have always kept one enormous playlist that lets me go back and know exactly what music I was listening at various moments in my life. Moments in time where the world felt like it had lost its balance, but music kept me grounded. Kept me thinking about the past, present, and future. The way I see it, the best is still yet to come for everyone. Better times are on their way. People I don’t yet know are coming into my life. Places I haven’t lived in yet will be here soon. And there will be even more songs that will define those moments in time for me. 

I didn’t know the songs I’d be listening to during the pandemic and yet, here we are... with the music that defined this uncertain time in my corner of the world.

“Say So” — Doja Cat

In the aftermath of getting knocked out with one of the worst flus of my life for a week this year, I spent the remainder of February desperately trying to regain my strength and sense of self. Little did I know that in March the entire world would change because of the coronavirus. This song feels like the last music video of our “normal” time. Nostalgic for roller skating rinks and hanging out with friends.

“Geyser” — Mitski

Have you ever heard a song that emotionally rocked you to the core so badly that you had to get into the fetal position and think afterwards? This one did it. Screaming while crawling and rolling around in the dirt is a real 2020 mood.

“Too Late” — The Weeknd

The entire After Hours album, and the red suit character, is a real quarantine/lockdown mood if there ever was one. Abel can’t miss.

“The Chain” — Fleetwood Mac

Everyone else might have been on a Dreams kick, courtesy of the Ocean Spray skateboarder but I was all about The Chain. 

“Me And You” — NERO

In the movie montage of your life, this is the song that plays to emphasize you’re a boss who can do anything. I stopped drinking for the better part of this year, which is pretty cool. Then I attempted the keto diet. That lasted for... less than 48 hours. The message is simple: I will just exercise instead of giving up carbs!

“Ocean of Mine” — Kennedy One

Before I started paying for Spotify Premium, I was trapped in a world of endless commercials. Once in a great while, the streaming service would recommend music that I might like. Kennedy One’s Ocean of Mine was one of those recommendations. I listened to this while I had my first crown put on at the dentist. You know I love anything that sounds like the wind, the water, and the promise of the shore.

“Joan of Arc on the Dance Floor” — Aly & AJ

These sisters came through so many times in 2020! The Up All Night event on YouTube and the Viper Room streaming show made it feel like concerts had, in a slow but sure way, been able to make a return. Just in time to kiss 2020 goodbye we have an explicit version of Potential Breakup Song... MVPs!

“Moscow Invitational 1968″ — Carlos Rafael Rivera

Many hours spent writing require a specific kind of soundtrack for staying in the zone. The moment I heard this score play during The Queen’s Gambit, I knew it was going to be part of my background noise whenever I’m working from this moment moving forward. It’s inspiring to listen to and helps me stay even more concentrated on the task at hand. Whatever challenges are ahead, I know I can reach them and keep leaping onward to the next hurdle and beyond.

“forget me too” — Machine Gun Kelly feat. Halsey

This is why we need concerts again: recreating a mosh pit feeling alone in your bedroom is simply not possible.

“Shine Ibiza Anthem 2019” — Paul van Dyk, Alex M.O.R.P.H.

In a pre-COVID world, I had plans to see Ultra 2020 in Miami. In a post-COVID, vaccinated world, I still have these plans for the future! I so look forward to the return of music festivals again, particularly those of the eat, sleep, rave, repeat variety. 

“Violence” — Grimes & i_o

This is my December song that will carry into January and beyond. I love, love, love it! (RIP Garrett Lockhart.)

As 2020 comes to a close, I have discovered some things about myself. 

There were three times I cried, and I mean sobbed my eyes out, during this pandemic. The first was during the news of the initial lockdown. That was pure fear and confusion and chaos. The second was when I started to see news footage of miles-long lines of people waiting for food to feed their families. That was an aching sadness that I felt deep in my bones because a lot of people lost their jobs and had nowhere else to turn for food. And the third was when I heard Governor Newsom ordered 5,000 body bags for California. Hearing news like that makes it impossible to never un-hear it again. It’s the reality of how badly this virus has rampaged our country.

It really bothers me when I see people saying that they want normal again. I get the root of the desire which is that you’d like to enjoy a drink at the bar or have a dinner out or spend time with friends, etc. But there were a lot of problems with our normal world. Too many. To me, it feels like signaling that you’re okay with continuing to live in a society where so many people have to work multiple jobs to survive, the healthcare infrastructure is buckling, and the education system is completely fractured (among many other issues!). 

What it seems, at least to me, is that people only want the aspects of normal that they were fortunate enough to receive but come at the expense of others. I suppose the best analogy is to consider the super rich. Once they exit their bunkers, they will want someone, likely paid on barely liveable wages, to make and serve them brunch. One can only hope this time has changed enough people to do and be better, but human nature is a fairly predictable beast. A number of people failed what I consider to be a basic human experiment and revealed seriously selfish true colors. I could rant about this topic for awhile — and believe me, I have THOUGHTS — but it’s too easy to dwell on bad news and opinions. 

There was a lot of good, just news in the mix. Some of it made the news, some went under the radar, but it was still there and it’s still happening. Here’s a few links:

There has been an animal discovered by scientists (a jellyfish-like parasite) that does not need oxygen to survive.

CRISPR was injected into a live patient’s eyeball this year, to treat genetically-caused blindness.

PG&E plead guilty to 85 counts in the 2018 Camp Fire, the same fire that wiped out Paradise, California. 

A Michigan jeweler named Johnny Perri buried $1 million of gold, silver, and diamonds for a real-life treasure hunt this summer.

Princess Beatrice and Edo Mapelli Mozzi had one of the prettiest, socially distanced weddings I’ve ever seen.

American Girl launched a new doll, Courtney, born in 1986. (They’re catching up to my age now!)

And the 2021 Super Bowl is inviting healthcare workers to attend the big game.

In the post-coronavirus “new normal” when I have been vaccinated, I know some aspects of my life will go back to their bubble. A lot will change though. 

What I really want is to do is get involved, hands on, in the community again. I want to volunteer at local food banks, soup kitchens, and/or churches for a few hours each week, when possible. (I also have a thought surrounding the idea of making a whole bunch of travel-size feminine product care kits for women in need if this isn’t already happening...) And if I can’t physically be there, then I want to donate and offer support in other ways. I am not helpless. I am a helper, as Mr. Rogers would say, and I would like to be able to help out more and contribute to the well-being of others once it is safe to do so.

I hope people will find it inside of them to want to work together again and come together as a community. It means a lot of hard work and energy and time, but it’s gonna make our world a lot better — far beyond the normal one we left behind.

[duhragonball]

Babbling about Comics

One of my New Year’s resolutions is to get back in gear with my plan to read my entire collection of X-Men comics.   I had this big plan to do it in 2015, but I only made it about halfway, which put me around Uncanny X-Men #280 (September 1991).   That’s about 29 years’ worth of comics, though, so my plan was probably unrealistic.

Ever since I reblogged this, I’ve been thinking about how I used to be big into American comic books, but not so much anymore.  One person in that thread jokes about how complicated it is to start reading X-Men and Wolverine, and the thing is, I actually know how to do that, because I spent maybe a week in 2014 obsessively studying the Marvel Chronology Project website to come up with a good reading order.  Honestly, it’s kind of fun, but only because I’m a maniac.  I can’t see how any normal person would even want to bother untangling that mess.  The system was designed for only two kinds of immersion.

1) You bought the comics when they were published, and read them in more or less their intended reading order, because you had no other choice.

2) You’re a maniac like myself, who accumulated all this stuff after the fact and you’re determined to go back and figure out what happened.

Nowadays, it’s a lot easier for a new fan to dig into the past, because so much of Marvel’s back catalog is available in digital format, but it’s still a pretty big paywall when you think about how many X-Men comics they’ve made.   And even if you download torrents, you still have to read the whole thing, and who has time for that?  Generally, Marvel’s marketing strategy has been to try to make the new stories accessible enough for new readers to follow, while only reprinting the older material that’s important or popular.   As a collector and a completist, this always frustrated me, but I think I’ve finally begun to see the wisdom of that approach.

See, the real gateway to a franchise like this is to stick to the greatest hits.  For me, that’s Uncanny X-Men #94-167, which spans 1975-1983.  Then you jump all the way to Wolverine’s solo book, which started in 1988.  The first thirty issues of that are really, really good.   I like the stuff that Larry Hama did with Wolverine later, but it’s not for everyone.  If you want to read a crossover, I’d recommend “X-Tinction Agenda”, since it provides a decent snapshot of where the X-Books were at in 1990.  Now, I’m skipping over a lot of other material from the period, but a lot of it was pretty awful, and the good issues of X-Factor and New Mutants  were kind of inessential.   The point is that you have to sample the best stuff first, then decide if you care enough about the characters to go dumpster diving through the rest of it.   You’ll find some gems, but you have to be willing to put up with some real crap to get at it. 

For example, right now, I’m in the middle of 1992, which was sort of a defining period for the X-Men franchise.   Chris Claremont had ended a 17-year run as the writer, and they were trying to build everything around superstar penciller Jim Lee.  I don’t know what went wrong exactly, but by the end of the year Lee had left to start his own company, and a lot of the X-Men comics from that year have a long list of co-plotters, co-scripters, and guest artists.  The flagship title, X-Men v.2, held up reasonably well, but it’s sister Uncanny X-Men suffered from neglect.  UXM #281 was supposed to herald this bold new era, but instead it just looks like a tire fire, one that continued to burn until #293 at least.   But, those issues are notable because they introduce Lucas Bishop to the franchise. 

I never cared much about Bishop, except that he looks pretty cool, and he had a cool voice in the X-Men cartoon.  Otherwise, I only knew he was a guy from the future with a gun, just like the dozen other future-guys-with-guns in 90′s comics.    But when Bishop was introduced, he hailed from the year 2062, where he’s part of a Judge Dredd-style security force.  Bishop revered the X-Men as legends, but once he meets the real deal he quickly finds out they’re not what he expected.  Bishop sees himself as a peacekeeper, and he’s honored to join the X-Men, but he keeps finding his violent, hair trigger methods at odds with the X-Men’s rigid protocol. 

The thing is, I identify with the guy.   I used to write him off as a knock off of Cable, or one of the other loose-cannon hardcases the X-Men keep recruiting, but they actually found a way to make Bishop stand out from the crowd.   He loves the X-Men in theory,  but he really doesn’t understand what makes them work.  Which is sort of like me trying to read all these comics I only know by reputation.    A lot of of the things fans praise the X-Men for are vastly overrated or completely misrepresented.  The conventional wisdom I always got from the fans was that the X-Men were only great when Claremont wrote them, and then Scott Lobdell took over and Ruined Everything(tm).    The reality (from my perspective) is that Claremont ran out of mojo around Year Eight of his 17-year run, and he was running on fumes from ‘83 to ‘91.  I’ve seen fans carry a torch over what happened to Madelyne Pryor, but as far as I’m concerned Madelyne Pryor’s introduction was when the Claremont run jumped the shark.  Her whole character arc was a no-win scenario and their biggest mistake was in not ending it sooner.  I used to think the X-Men comics of the early 90′s were a creative train-wreck, but somehow it managed to generate Bishop, and that gives me hope. 

Also, there is something oddly comforting about reading these old comics.   Nothing ever really changes with the X-Men.   If a character gets killed, they just come back a few years later.   If a character quits or turns evil, it’ll get reversed later.  The X-Men never really win or lose any battles.  They just sort of show up and fight, and then something else happens and they get distracted by that for several issues.  Last night I read the issue where Forge gets upset because he’s in love with Storm and he hasn’t even gotten five minutes alone with her to rekindle their feelings from 1988.   He awkwardly proposes to her, and she punts, telling him she’ll think about it.   In the very next scene they have together, he leave the mansion before she can even give her answer.  Forge is convinced that Storm doesn’t really love him, and that she’ll never set aside her X-Men career long enough to make time for a serious relationship.   As he slams the door, she mutters “I would have said... yes.”    That’s classic X-Men for you.   All angst, all turmoil, no resolution.   We don’t know if Storm is sincere or not, and Forge won’t even stick around to find out.   Is he right about her, or is he just too afraid of rejection?   Maybe we’ll see in a later issue, but I bet we don’t.   It’s Schrödinger’s ship.   Everything sort of hangs in midair. 

Now, I might have said that this is why I’ve come to prefer anime lately, because the stories are more decisive.   Goku married Chi-Chi and that’s it.    Done.   There’s no hotshot editor trying to split that up or retcon it to clear the way for a fresh pairing.   The real tragedy of Storm is that she’s trapped in Comic Book Time, so she couldn’t have a long term relationship even if she wanted to.    If she had married Forge in 1992 they would have inevitably been divorced a short time later, because Marvel likes to rotate romantic partners around every few years.   Storm actually married the Black Panther later on, but I’m pretty sure that’s over now.   But Goku’s marriage to Chi-Chi is absolute.   I like certainty.   It helps make the characters feel more genuine, and less like imaginary dolls driven by editorial whims and sales charts.

But, having recently finished Revolutionary Girl Utena, I find the X-Men’s open-endedness kind of soothing.   I didn’t get what I wanted from the ending of the Utena TV series.  I’m not sure what I wanted, exactly, but what I got wasn’t completely satisfying.  I may warm up to it later on, or I’ll watch the movie version and see if that’s more to my liking, but that’s pretty much all I’m going to get.   With the X-Men, I’m not particularly invested in the characters, and I have a general knowledge of what happens to them, and that anything that happens to them is mutable and transient.  It takes a lot of the punch out of Forge walking out on Storm, but it’s still decent theatre, and I’m not in the mood for dramatic punch right now.   Utena was like getting dramatically punched by Star Platinum for five pages.   I’d watch one episode and then I’d have to take a break before moving to the next one.    Not everything needs to be like that.  Sometimes it can be Bishop possibly getting Storm on the rebound, only to discover that she’s not as good in bed as the history books said she was.

Nevertheless, I think this is something the comics industry needs to address.  I got fed up with following comics because the new ones are expensive and inconsistently produced, and nothing worthwhile ever happens in them either.  They keep relaunching series with new #1′s, or renumbering them every time they get close to a Big Round Number, so it’s probably even harder to keep the reading order straight than it was twenty or thirty years ago.   So it’s a lot of the same hassles you get from back issues, except my back issues are already bought and paid for, so I might as well waste my time reading them instead of paying for overpriced new stuff.   Their best bet is to introduce new characters, especially female, POC, and LBGT+ characters that are tough to find in the back issue rack, because that’s something novel they can use to draw modern audiences.   Because Thor’s dealt with Ragnarok about a dozen times already, and the X-Men haven’t accomplished anything tangible in 30 years, so eventually no one’s going to fall for the same corny “Nothing Will Ever Be the Same!” gimmick.

[missstormcaller]

CAN’T FEAR YOUR OWN WORLD PART 5 Full Translation

TN -- This is the part that was released on the Bleach/Jump+ app a few weeks ago, it’s very long over 9000 words. Also be warned - Liltotto’s potty mouth, if that kind of thing bothers you...

Hueco Mundo. 6 months since the Protection of the Soul King Great War. Even in Hueco Mundo, the world of the Hollows headed by the Arrancar, a gradual change is occurring. After the Arrancar hunt by the Quincy of the Wandenreich came to an end, powerful Arrancar such as Harribel and Grimmjow had disappeared, a new period of civil unrest was about to be ushered in. However, as Nelliel, whose whereabouts had been unknown thus far, suddenly returned accompanied by Harribel, the ambitions of the Arrancar and Vasto Lorde class Menos Grande were instantly met with disappointment, and they retreated back to their respective colonies as a result. Several Arrancar launched surprise attacks on Nelliel and Harribel thinking "surely they're exhausted now", however most of them were beaten at their own game, and even those who had managed to escape were sent sinking to the ground unlucky enough to bump into Grimmjow who was in a foul mood. In a corner of Hueco Mundo which was in the gradual process of restoring its peace from such a 'return of the leader', a man wearing a mask resembling a bull's skull released a sigh.

"…That was a brief dream huh." Rudborrn Chelute. He is an Arrancar that was once the leader of the "Exequias" directly under Aizen, and he is the man that continued to manage Las Noches alone in Hueco Mundo after Aizen's departure. “After all, for a weak person like myself to dream of such things, wasn't the very idea itself presumptuous……?" He is also one of the Arrancar that tried to unify Hueco Mundo after Harribel's disappearance. Rudbornn still felt an obligation to Aizen and was attempting to defend the new order as much as possible in its original form, created after that leader seized control of Hueco Mundo from Baraggan. In addition to the likes of the Tres Bestias and the Espada, there are also several other Arrancars that are stronger than him. However, without having any interest in governance to begin with, they did not participate in a succession dispute. It could be said that it was Rudbornn alone that tried to fight for hegemony considering that very 'order' itself as the number one priority. It's​ not that he was without ambition. He could not deny that he had dreamed of a day where he would eventually develop Hueco Mundo himself, and be worthy of being acknowledged by Aizen as a being that was a cut above the rest like the Espada.

Although he had heard that Aizen had quite literally 'cut down and cast away' Harribel as well as leaving behind words of disappointment with the Espada, if Aizen had returned to this place at the time, he wished to communicate that he had accomplished something with the powers he had received from Aizen. Even if he would be astounded thinking the results were unfavorable, and then cut him down on the spot, it was no matter. And​ now, as before, for the sake of protecting Hueco Mundo's order ------ he was battling the Quincies. "Dear me, I didn't expect that there would still be Quincy survivors left." Half a year ago, the Quincy who captured Harribel later deployed a unit called "Jagdarmee" throughout Hueco Mundo to conduct Arrancar hunts in every place. After the executive captain of the Jagdarmee Quilge is defeated by Ichigo and Grimmjow's group, the majority of those separated units were left behind in Hueco Mundo. It was those Quincies that put up a do-or-die resistance which took various forms for each unit from desperate suicide attacks to guerrilla warfare, however most of them were annihilated at the hands of the "Exequias" led by Rudbornn. There had been no movement for several months since then, so just when he thought their extermination was complete, he received eyewitness reports of Quincies going on the offensive. "Truly disappointing indeed. The “Pikaro” are disobedient as usual, and I hear they frequently go to the Human World with Roca. And even now Grimmjow sama refuses to give his cooperation to establish rule in Hueco Mundo. If things continue like this, I wonder if order could genuinely​ be brought about someday…" (TN -- For those who are unfamiliar with Narita's previous works for Bleach - Spirits are Forever With You I and II - You can read about the 'Pikaro' and Roca there)

Rudbornn shakes his head at his own shortcomings, but as he uttered such things, coming towards his observation spot, a voice of protest is raised against him. "Hey! Don't sigh, you also have to fight for yourself once in a while! It's not just about pushing the job to us and the small fry you create every time!" "Forget it Loly, even talking about it is pointless." The Arrancar with the twin ponytails who was talking smack -- Loly Aivirrne -- is rebuked by an Arrancar with a short-cut hairstyle -- Menoly Mallia. When they were discovered on the verge of death after battling with Quilge, they were transported to Las Noches where they were left in the care of Rudbornn. Soon after that, they were dragged into acting as members of the "Exequias" to gradually match the fighting power of the Quincies, but because they are not under the direct supervision of Rudbornn, they failed to reach an understanding in any way whatsoever. "No, I will say it! Anyway, Rudbornn! Where were you when Harribel sama was kidnapped! You were not even there when that guy called Quilge came!" "Since the invasion began in various places at the same time, someone had to cause an obstruction in each location that's all. And while we're on the subject, when Aizen sama was defeated by Kurosaki Ichigo, we could not have rivaled anyone who was already at his side.” "…You have a comeback for every remark…" At Loly's complaint Rudbornn releases a sigh whilst shaking his head.

"You two are inexperienced, but because you still have respect for Aizen sama, in this way, you were able to join my troops. Because under normal circumstances, disturbing the existence of order with mere  presence like your own, is truly unbefitting of Hueco Mundo." "Huh, what am I 'disturbing' just with my presence?” "Forget about it." "Let go of me Menoly! That guy acts like he's better than everyone else, but what do you think he was doing when the Shinigami attacked this place? A passing Yammy socked him so hard he was practically on the verge of death, isn't that so?!" "Since that also happened to us……" Menoly tugs back Loly's arm to keep her at a distance from Rudbornn. Veins were visibly throbbing on her forehead, and even as she was released from Menoly's grip, she attempted to complain some more, However -- a single streak of light passed by before her eyes. That bullet of light pierced a boulder located a fair distance away from Rudbornn and the others, part of the large boulder is hollowed out as if it had been bitten off by something with a huge set of jaws. "Whaa!?" When Loly shifts her attention to the direction in which the streak of light had flown in from, as her eyes popped out in astonishment, there, a figure of a girl with a bow drawn out was standing atop a pile of a caved in building structure. Her garments closely resembled that of the Quincy lot that once tried to capture them. In the depths of that structure the figures of others also begin to stir, from there, it appears that a couple were launching an attack their way. A continuous stream of Quincy arrows that were just shot can be seen flying towards them at alarming speeds. When Menoly and the others scrambled to avoid it, skull wearing soldiers who are Rudbornn's subordinates were now engaged whilst numerous pillars of sand shot up in Hueco Mundo's desert. As she Looked at the sand craters that were left behind after that with shocked eyes, Loly yells in a cold sweat. "Just a minute! Those are not the usual small fry! Their kind still remains!?"

"…That group of arrancars, there's only a few of them gathered here. I'm of the impression that they're the ones that came to clean us up." Whilst clutching a small bow with a design that was reminiscent of shark teeth, the small girl spoke with a straight face.

In response to that, a figure that was in the darkness of the structure which was half reduced to rubble, spoke up. "So you mean, we only have to get rid of a few small fry? And you missed your target at this distance? Wow, you suck. It's because you haven't been practicing properly isn't it?" "You're such a nag. You'd better get to work too. This is a chance to increase our pawns you know, Gigi." Then, the Quincy that was known as "Gigi" - Giselle Gewelle - replied as she displayed a mechanical smile which made it impossible for others to read her emotions. "My power can only temporarily allow me to zombify Hollows, you're aware of this right? I thought it was common knowledge that Hollow Reishi is incompatible with us Quincies, or did you forget about that?" "Even if it's just temporary, it doesn't matter does it? Everyone other than Bambi is disposed of anyway, and even if they're able to undo zombification 'over there', the situation is practically the same." "You're tired I don't like it. Lil might as well become my zombie, how about it?" Lil tilted her head as she responded to Gigi -- remaining expressionless Liltotto Lamperd gave her companion a tongue-lashing. "Do you want me to eat you, dumbass? …No, never mind. If I eat Gigi I'd probably get diarrhoea." "Isn't that a bit harsh? I think it's a terrible insult to eat a girl and then get ‘digestive problems’. Hey, don't you think so too, Bambi chan?" Looking at the girl with dark red skin who was 'placed' like a doll in a corner of the wreckage, Gigi maintained her mechanical smile as she sought the girl's agreement. "Y-yes…just as Gigi…it's just as Gigi says. So, so Gigi…please…blood."

"Ugh, Bambi chan is really greedy huh. If you want to speak selfishly to me…you get the picture right? Because Bambi chan is smart isn't she? She's clever right?" "…I, I understand…defeat…enemies… Like…to protect…Gigi…that's why, Blood…" Watching Bambietta Basterbine - the corpse with the reddish skin rise up, unsteady on her feet, Lil spoke as if she was somewhat amazed. "Why does it feel like her injuries aren't completely healed, and her speech has become more ambiguous than before? Is she Frankenstein's monster? It's as if she's become some freak that has just strayed out of a forest and into civilisation." "It's okay, if I give her blood I can 'fix' her up nicely. But, Bambi chan is cuter when she looks so pitiful like this, so I'm still keeping her this way for a while alright?" "You're a real piece of shit aren't you?" Although she disapproved of Gigi's preferences with her candid expression, Lil didn't try to stop Bambietta who began walking towards the enemy. Because she knew well. Even though her ability to think has degraded to such an extent, when it came to Bambietta's powers, there was no hindrance to defeating average strength Arrancars, hollows and the like. And as if to prove it ------ An infinite amount of Reishi mass emitting from Bambietta's surroundings were thrust towards the enemy camp, the white desert was blanketed by dazzling explosive flames. Liltotto Lamperd. Giselle Gewelle. Apart from Bambietta who has been transformed into a corpse puppet, why were those girls who rose in revolt against Yhwach in Soul Society and then supposedly had the tables turned on them, still alive and staying in Hueco Mundo? As for how this came to be, one must go back in time to the point immediately following the end of the war between the Shinigami and Quincies.

6 months ago - A certain place in the Human World. "……" When Lil awakens, she finds herself inside an unfamiliar room. A bandage is wrapped around her abdomen and a dull pain shoots through her when she touches it. It appears that she had undergone healing techniques unique to Quincies, however it seems it wasn't the case that she was completely recovered. ---- Of course. What remains in her memory is the fact that she had challenged Yhwach to a fight, after being unsuccessful in that regard she was cut down with ease, and just before she collapsed the Reiatsu of Bazz-B, who had been doing battle in another place, disappeared. ---- My abdomen was cut open with that kind of power. Ordinarily, the fatally wounded would have been left alone. ---- Why am I still alive? When she looked to her side there was the figure of Gigi who had not yet regained her consciousness, and laying down further back was a body that appeared to be Bambietta's, wrapped head to toe in bandages like a mummy. All three people including herself had been laid down to rest in simple beds, and had seemingly been given minimum medical treatment. Lil who noticed that the pillow placed under head was "Wandenreich" issued, speculated that this place is one of their bases in the Human World.

---- There are considerable signs of Quincies outside this room too…but most of them are already half dead.

When she got up to survey her surroundings, the door to the room opened and a woman appeared. "You're awake? Liltotto Lamperd." It was a female Quincy with a dignified look in her large-pupiled eyes that was standing there. "You're…” Lil puts herself on guard. "Aren't you the lackey of Yhwach's lackey? Did you mistakenly rescue the enemy?" - A member of the Sternritter who possesses the Schrift "B" and is said to essentially be Wandenreich's second in command - Jugram Haschwalth. It was Haschwalth's close aide that appeared in the room, and amongst the ordinary Soldat with no Schrift, this female Quincy was one of the most outstanding when it came to raw talent. Although it was rumoured that her handling of purely bows and arrows as well as her combat strength even surpassed some members of the Sternritter, she was not given a Schrift, it is said that this is because she herself wished to continue to serve as Haschwalth's subordinate rather than becoming equal to everyone who was a 'Schrift holder' - with the exception of Yhwach. Haschwalth, who is her superior, is a loyal subject to Yhwach. There should be no motive for her to help Lil's group who had raised a revolt against the Wandenreich. "Haschwalth that bastard, what is he thinking of doing? Even if he interrogated us, nothing will surface you know? We merely got sick of Yhwach so we betrayed him, that is all."

Judging from Haschwalth's cautious nature, is it not reasonable for him to speculate that those who betrayed the empire had the backing of the Shinigami, or some other organisation attached to them? In response to Lil who thought as such, the Quincy woman shakes her head a little. "…Haschwalth sama was killed in action after giving his strength to his majesty." "Huh?" At those unexpected words, Lil grimaced. However, the facts that were narrated after that, was the thing that caused the former Sternritter member Liltotto Lamperd to be surprised. "…His majesty also passed away by battling special war potential Kurosaki Ichigo, as well as Aizen Sōsuke." " ! " In a rare display, both of Lil's eyes widened and her mouth gaped open a few times, but after about ten seconds had passed, her usual calm demeanor returns. "…seriously? That Ichigo asshole, I thought he would be outrageously strong, but to that extent? He's pretty strong, for someone who's awfully naive huh." Recalling the orange haired Shinigami who yelled "you idiot, dodge it!" to a Quincy who tried to stop the huge slashing attack that Shinigami had fired himself, Lil smiled wryly with a touch of self mockery. "That reminds me, what happened to Candi and Meni?" Candice Catnipp, Meninas McAllon. They are her comrades who mobilised jointly with her during wartime, it was unusual for Lil, being recognised as a comrade amongst the Sternritter by each one of them. Although it was habitual for her companions to throw out blistering remarks to each other, it seemed to be the kind of relationship where they would bring up each others names first and foremost in situations like this, half resigned as she is, Lil quietly waited for her addressee's reply. "…I went to rescue them, but I didn't make it in time. It seems they were captured by the 12th division when they lost the power of their Vollständig in his majesty's 'Auswählen'. Najahkoop sama too, although it is unknown whether they are alive or dead, they appear to have been transported there." "I don't give a damn about that Peeping Tom bastard. The 12th division huh…? I see…in that case, perhaps it's better if they had died at once." What kind of department is the 12th division? What kind of man is Kurotsuchi Mayuri the captain of that division? Through advance intelligence, she was able to understand. "Be that as it may…there is a possibility that they're still alive, isn't there?" Lil cast a quick glance at Gigi who was lying down beside her.

If they have the power of Gigi's Schrift "Z" -- "The Zombie", the others can be recuperated even if they have a certain degree of physical impairment due to 'experiments' or 'autopsies' carried out by the 12th division. And even if they are dead, as long as the body and brains remain, it is possible to revive them as zombies like Bambietta in the worst case scenario. Although, as far as emotional scars are concerned, that cannot be healed. Taking everything so far into consideration, Lil then posed a question to the Quincy woman before her eyes, in a dispassionate manner. "…Returning to the subject at hand. Why did you help us?" "It is Haschwalth sama's will. When his majesty entered his final sleep, Haschwalth sama ordered the Soldat under his direct supervision to retrieve and provide medical treatment to you ladies and other wounded Soldat." "It doesn't make any sense at all to me. What happened to the Schutzstaffel bunch?" Despite knitting her eyebrows in bewilderment, Lil thought she should straighten out further details by continuing to enquire. Returning a shake of her head and with a sorrowful expression -- "…All members were killed in action. I received reports from the observation unit that his Majesty completely absorbed Gerard sama's power and he dissipated." "So even Nakk Le Vaar was done away with huh? Maybe it's true that guy is lethal." ---- Is it that we took those Shinigami guys too lightly? ---- Taking in the "Heart of the Soul King" until his own trusted minion Gerard dissipated, that Yhwach bastard was pushed to go that far? When he was done with me and Gigi, he was talking some nonsense about "being able to see into the future" or something…but what kind of future did that guy see with those creepy eyes? ---- wait a minute? "…You said Haschwalth ordered you to save us when Yhwach went to sleep right?" "That's right. Immediately after his Majesty had fallen asleep." Haschwalth was granted the "mask of the ruler" allowing him to exercise all powers as a substitute, only during the period where Yhwach falls asleep at night. "If that's the case, does that mean that Haschwalth bastard saw the 'future' too?" In response to Lil's query which was uttered as if she was half speaking to herself, the Quincy woman cast her eyes down whilst forming her words. "…When he handed down his instructions to me, he muttered something as if thinking aloud to himself. Seeing into the future is a cruel power he said." "That asshole, what did he see? Did he see a future where both he and Yhwach would die?" "This is something I am unable to comprehend." The female Quincy who was Haschwalth's trusted aide sorrowfully distorted her face, she spoke as her wise voice was enveloped in a slight sadness. "Haschwalth sama did not divulge his true feelings. Neither to us, nor the Sternritter…and in all likelihood, not even his Majesty. However, at the very end, “no matter what, preserve the future of the Quincies” was the only thing he said to me…."

"So then, being honest to a fault, you went as far as to save us rebels, is that it? For your information, don't expect me or Gigi to feel like we have an obligation to you or something." "That's fine. It's not that we are seeking a reward, we are merely obeying Haschwalth sama's commands." In response to she who had answered  matter-of-factly, Lil opens her mouth to speak after lightly clicking her tongue. "Well, we survived thanks to you. I am grateful for that…just, don't expect even a word of gratitude from Gigi. When she wakes up she'll turn you lot into zombies, and she may even use your flesh to treat her own injuries." "……" "Don't give me that look…I think I understand enough to know how to take responsibility for this kind of thing. I can handle Gigi, as soon as she becomes able to move, we will take our leave." Leaving Lil who caught a glimpse of Gigi's condition, the Quincy woman exited the sickbay. That woman who was Haschwalth's trusted aide, told only one lie to Lil. Before confronting his final battle, there were other words Haschwalth had left behind too. ---- "Ishida Uryuu is perhaps the last test his Majesty bestowed upon me." ---- "I don't understand the reason why, but my emotions are so violently shaken at times, only by that man." ---- "If there is ever a time I am driven by passion and forget my role as the balance…in that moment, I will relinquish all power his Majesty has entrusted to me, as well as my life." The way in which he had spoken was as if he had seen a future where such a thing would come to be. But assuming this was visible to him, why could he not take action to avoid that future? If it's the case that even after he became aware of the future, he still couldn't suppress his emotions, what kind of words did he make Ishida Uryuu hear? Or what sort of conduct did he let him see? Although everything has been nothing but incomprehensible now that things have come to pass, that Quincy who was a trusted aide could only feel proud of her master. Even if his own destiny was in sight, she believed he carried complete resolution on his back, and chose his path of his own free will. It was the very next day when Liltotto, Giselle and Bambietta had disappeared from the hidden base in the Human World.

Currently, Liltotto's group continue their dispute with the Arrancars in Hueco Mundo. It took several months to regain their powers, but it was restored to all useable levels with the exception of their "Vollständig" ability which was snatched away by Yhwach. "If only we had Vollständig, we would be able to absorb all their Reishi." The Quincy's ultimate form is Vollständig, if they have the "Sklaverei" ability which is unleashed by the halo that is generated when one enters that state, it becomes possible for a Quincy to completely disintegrate the surrounding Reishi and forcibly enslave it. There was also the potential to capture even Hollow Reishi - whose Reishi matter is naturally poisonous for Quincies - as a harmless substance with a one time complete decomposition. However, there are no more Quincies who possess that ability. If there is a possibility, then that would only be Ishida Uryuu and his father who were spared from Yhwach's "Auswählen", but Lil shrugged her shoulders thinking "so what if men who are enemies were able to use it." Then, Gigi's voice could be heard from behind. "Eh? But Lil can do something similar can't she? If you wanted, you could just swallow those guys whole. or perhaps you're on a diet?" "There is nothing I can't eat, but poison is poison, my stomach will become awfully upset, so I refuse." Whilst replying in a detached manner, Lil watched intently as Bambietta trampled everything in her path, Gigi then spoke some more. "In the end, most of them have fallen huh? The survivors of the Jagdarmee that is." "Every last one of those guys are pitiful. As if marching through this desert for two months wasn’t annoying enough, none of those guys could become a decent fighting power." They were now mobilising with the purpose of reclaiming the independent Quincy units for themselves and drawing them in as "pawns". Their ultimate goal was to raid the 12th division in Soul Society and recover Candi and Meni. "Even though Lil tells us to leave her alone, sometimes she places great importance on things like frie~nd~ship~ huh? And then, helping the remnants of the Jagdarmee, half of the time it's not for the purpose of collecting pawns, is it that you want to repay those people in that sickbay?” "Whatever. I'm just pushing the guys who are likely to get in our way onto that bunch." "Lil is being sultry whilst having such a cold expression, I think it's really creepy, but I actually kinda like it?" "Are you praising me or dissing me, pick one, bitch." remaining expressionless, Lil spoke in an unconcerned manner. For some reason, the moment Gigi was called a "bitch", she smiled looking a little delighted at the thought, she then replied in a cheerful manner. (TN-- Forgot to mention that the word “bitch” actually means more along the lines of “slut” in Japanese) "Oh my, It's a joke, It's a joke. Lil is so cute when she's embarrassed. There's no way I can just ignore it. If Candi and Meni are both dead, does it mean they can be my zombies?" Then Gigi's expression fades away, she recalls the face of a certain man as she spoke with a voice that was full of resentment. "…Besides, I won't be satisfied unless I give that dazzling weirdo a little surprise you know?" "Forget it. That guy completely outranks you." At Lil's chiding, Gigi then spoke. "If I use my brains I can manage somehow. Hey, what if I zombify Kurosaki Ichigo?" "Stop right there. I have no interest in going along with your suicide mission, alright?" In all honesty, it's not the case that Lil hasn't considered that idea in her own mind. If they could turn Kurosaki Ichigo into one of their pawns with Gigi's abilities, she has considered the fact that he would become their strongest fighting power. However, as far as Lil could tell, around Kurosaki Ichigo, there were people such as his father who has experience as a captain in the Gotei 13, Ishida Uryuu who had defeated Haschwalth, and his father Ishida Ryūken who is an "Echt" Quincy, moreover she understood there is also the special war power Urahara Kisuke, Lil was neither hasty nor foolish enough to step into such a den of sinister forces. "Be that as it may, we will continue to crush Arrancars here like this…" The actions of the Quincies, eradicating Arrancars, is a prohibited act that will disturb the balance of the world from the Shinigamis viewpoint, if they overdo it, the shinigami will likely sense this and send in assassins to eliminate the threat. Considering the fact that they lent a hand to the Shinigami together with Bazz-B in the end, it's not impossible for them to reach an understanding, however -- even if they reconciled it did not appear likely that the 12th division captain will release Candi and the others, above all, formal reconciliation will probably be difficult when Gigi has zombified many Shinigami and then let them kill each other. "Well, first of all, after we're finished with these guys, we will return to the Human World to plan……" Lil suddenly stopped talking in the midst of her muttering. Before her line of sight, there were figures of Arrancars being ravaged by Bambietta's bombing raid. However, Lil had then realised that something felt wrong. "…it's still not over yet?" It's not that Bambietta was dealing with this at a leisurely pace. As much as her reasoning power has weakened, there is still a part of her that  maintains her ability to carry out a reckless bombing raid. But the number of Arrancar soldiers has not decreased in the slightest. Rather, it even felt as though their numbers were increasing with time. "Reinforcements? No, that's not it…" Furthermore, those countless number of skull masked soldiers that had newly appeared assembling on top of one another thus creating a wall, could it be that they were putting themselves in harm's way to continue to defend the troops at the centre? There was not a shred of hesitation, as if they were accepting of their own death. "What? …What's going on?" Going back in time to just a few minutes ago.

"Th, that was close! What the hell is that sickly looking girl?! Endlessly throwing bombs or something without warning huh!?" Whilst hidden in the shadow of the skull masked soldiers, Loly yells in a cold sweat. Menoly who she had directed the question at was also unable to stand and trembling as she responded.

"Th-this is bad, Loly…She's as strong as that guy with the glasses, Quilge or whatever…" Next to the two flustered 'Aizen bodyguards', there was a man who calmly analysed the progress of the battle alone. It is the leader of the Exequias, Rudbornn. "Hmm…apparently, her Reishi seems to have the power to convert anything it comes into contact with, into an explosive. The underlying Reishi itself doesn't have the ability to explode, so I guess it can only be rapidly fired to those extents but…it doesn't seem like a good plan to wait for our opponent's Reiryoku to become exhausted." "Just a minute! What are you talking about in such a carefree manner?! At this rate our situation will only get worse won't it?!" Hearing that complaint which was mixed with yelling, Rudbornn releases a sigh as he shakes his head. "You are not to expose such disgraceful behaviour as Aizen sama's former servants, not even for an instant. Always keep calm. Do not harbour despair in the face of death. Even if your lives end here, continue to think of what you can leave behind for Aizen sama's sake until the very last moment." "We don't have time for that Zommari like manner of speech! As things stand, we'll be charred to the tips of our nails let alone leave something behind!" "How truly awe-inspiring that I am being compared to someone like Zommari dono… it doesn't matter, there is no need to worry about anything. Because either way, I have no intention of dying here." As he said that, Rudbornn pulls out his Zanpakutō setting the blade level with the ground. "Let's show them. As someone who once fell behind the Shinigami, we've refined our abilities to shave away our shame…!"

"Grow… Árbol"

In an instant, Rudbornn's Zanpakutō transforms and spreads like tree vines, it coils around Rudbornn's arm and the lower half of his body, changing into a tree like shape. Additionally, from the 'branches' that grew on his back, skull soldiers were created one after the other, the intact soldiers once again became part of the wall, proceeding to defend the others from the enemy's bombing raid. "What's this, the same as always……" Stopping mid-sentence, Loly's eyes widened. When she looked carefully, a little further ahead the sand was swelling up, new skull wearing soldiers were starting to emerge out of the desert. It seems that bamboo like rhizomes were spreading underground, appearing to produce fresh soldiers in succession of one another. Árbol's ability "Calaveras" sucks up Hueco Mundo's Reishi from the roots and with that as its source, creates an infinite number of Rudbornn's loyal soldiers. Even though its nature hasn't changed since before, growing trees at the tip of the rhizomes and continuing to extend its range further, changes the speed of production to an astonishing one. Although this was originally a technique developed on reflection of the past when his branches were sealed because they were frozen over by Kuchiki Rukia, he attempted to produce them underground where an icy chill wouldn't reach, the extraordinary rate of the mass production of soldiers resulted in a great upsurge in Rudbornn's power acting as his new weapon. The several newly born skull soldiers eventually exceeds the numbers that have died out due to the enemy Quincy's bombing raid -- becoming a great army with no fear of death, they surrounded the deathly pale Quincy. "No…no way, these guys…don't fear death……" In Bambietta's broken mind, her past fears are resurrected. "…w-what? Why…." The captain with a dog's appearance who was called Komamura, sacrificed his own heart, she felt fear when he approached her as a dead warrior. Bambietta's biggest motive for fighting was "I don't want to die". In the Wandenreich, what is given to losers is a 'death penalty' called execution. That is why she keeps fighting. For her, battle was a process through which one could continue to evade death for an eternity, and for that reason she could not even begin to comprehend the act of abandoning one's own life.

When she battled that man named komamura, she was seized with a fear she had never experienced before. That Shinigami had told her, "I am not throwing away my life, I am merely staking it." In that moment she felt fear, as though she was truly dealing with a god who governs death. However, now, the skull masked swarm that had gathered around her were even more abnormal in nature. They were not staking their lives, nor were they throwing it away. Instead, this humanoid army was behaving as if they had no lives to begin with. Could it be that even dying was merely part of their system and nothing more, that this swarm of skulls have robotically embraced 'death' when they are engaged in an attack? They were not even Hollows, not even beasts, it's as if they were a huge swarm of insects that have transformed into a colony, and it seemed like they were trying to drag Bambietta into their cycle of 'death'. That frightened even Bambietta who has been reduced to a living corpse. The primordial fear that was engraved in her soul and brain momentarily stimulated her damaged mind. But, she could only raise her fearful voice. "No…no…don't, I don't like it, I'm scared, I'm scared…" Several hundreds, thousands of skull swarms transcend the explosive inferno, gushing forth from the the depths of the flames. Using the corpses of their own, even the bodies of those who were alive as stepping platforms, the skull swarm became one huge tentacle that tried to swallow up Bambietta who was fluttering about midair. The face of the young lady who had forgotten even the fact that she was already dead, distorts, and she trembles like a little girl. "Lil…Candi…Meni…Gigiii…! Save me…save me…everyone…!" Then in the very moment she was about to be captured by the huge wave of skull soldiers ------ That ominous, white heaving wave disappeared in the blink of an eye.

" ! "

Rudbornn and the others who were watching with a panoramic view from a spot in the distance, were shocked to see the new development in the course of events. "W…what happened just now…" As a cold sweat ran down her cheeks, what met Loly's eyes was the petite Quincy's mouth that came flying their way from the direction of the ruins, that mouth started to deform into an irregular shape -- in the next moment, the huge mouth appeared as if to chew up the heavens, it was a spectacle where nearly a thousand skull soldiers were swallowed with one mouthful. Where did all that mass disappear to? Under the night sky, there was only the few figures of those who were apparently Quincies, still left standing. "Uu…ua…L-Lil…?" Reflected in the eyes of that trembling zombie was the figure of Liltotto who was chewing something before gently swallowing it down. "How unpalatable…no, it doesn't have any flavour to begin with. What the heck is this?" Lil remarked dissatisfied with what she had eaten just a moment ago. Gigi suddenly appeared from behind her, with both hands she grabbed Bambietta's head. "Really, I don't know what to do with you! Bambi chan is truly useless huh!

……

What's wrong? Don't you want your reward? If you don't want it I can send you to sleep? I won't be troubled right?" "Ah…n-no, not that…I'm sorry…sorry, Gigi…" When Bambietta became teary eyed once more, Gigi looked at her displaying an expression full of ecstasy. Watching the scene between the other two with a cold look, Lil spoke to Gigi in a detached manner. "Yet you, of all people, being unashamedly able to make public that "I'm not an 'S' type" huh……?" (TN -- In Japan 'S' = Sadist ‘M’ = Masochist, I often hear young people using it - even though in terms of context, it's not usually used to the extremes of the English meaning, Gigi’s probably an exception though - if you're an S you're more aggressive/dominant if you're an M you're more submissive/passive.) "?   why?” After watching Gigi tilt her head in seriousness and giving a small shrug of her own shoulders, Lil turned her attention to enemy lines once again. "Good grief, they're still rapidly hatching out. Are these guys cockroaches?" "By the way are you alright? You said you'd get an upset stomach if you eat Hollows." "I have no choice but to forcibly digest them, after all, we are in this predicament." Although Lil who used her own ability "The Glutton" to absorb Reiryoku by devouring a huge quantity of enemies with her heteromorphic mouth, it was never an easy task.

Hollow Reiryoku is a poison to Quincies. It is naturally a suicidal act to absorb it, if Lil wasn't included as a member amongst the Schrift holders, she would probably have become immobilised by now. Continuing the digestion process whilst battling with the sensation of her entrails being eroded away, Lil nevertheless maintains her composure not revealing even a splinter of such a sensation on her face as she spoke to Gigi and Bambi. "I think I can eat another 2 or 3 more times, but those guys from just a moment ago were seriously lacking in both flavour and nutrition. That damned garbage won't satisfy my hunger." Then, they shifted their attention to the several 'trees' that continued to give birth to skull soldiers, and the Arrancar with the lower body that had transformed like a tree who was at the centre of it. "So then, you eat guys that seem flavoursome right away?…but that seems unsavoury.

"Nuu…!" Sensing the imminent threat drawing near, Rudbornn let out a groan. The Quincy who had 'devoured' skull soldiers earlier, danced through the air with hirenkyaku whilst making a beeline in their direction. The skull soldiers immediately rushed forward, but the Quincy who had manipulated explosions earlier began firing out her Reishi in a manner that would restrain them. Watching as the petite Quincy approached by weaving her way through the army that was confined in the blast from the explosions, Rudbornn built up his flesh wall of skull soldiers to carry out defence. "What an ugly layer of skin you're hiding behind." The mouth of the Quincy, who was whispering whilst expressionless, strains like slime that then immediately​ stretches out horizontally. With a 'single bite', she intended to consume what was on the inside, skin and all, so that the wall of skull soldiers would instantly disappear. However ------ "…There's nothing there." Apparently the wall was merely a diversion tactic, and Rudbornn and the others who were on the inside had already moved. Then, Loly sprang out from behind the Quincy whilst shouting her release command. "Poison! Escolopendra!" Her Zanpakutō which took the form of huge a centipede like creature entwined with her body, Loly brandished parts of it like a blade. " ! " The Quincy dodged it by a hair's breadth, but the desert sand that was struck down upon by that blow began to melt into pulp. "Dissolve!" Loly yells whilst trying to land a blow on the Quincy however ------ The tentacle that gave the impression of a centipede's body vanishes into thin air. "Whaa……" "…Rather pointlessly spicy. But, not bad I guess." "Y-you! Part of my Resurrección……!" ---- it's been eaten.

Realising that a clump of her own natural power sealed in her Zanpakutō had been eaten, Loly turned pale. Although it was far from a fatal injury, the feeling of losing part of her body reminds her of fear. But the thing that truly surprised her, was what happened immediately following this. "……huh." The Quincy scatters arrows all around the place, piercing the skull swarm and the splitting trees that were creating them. Consequently, the skull soldiers and the trees that were struck by those arrows, like the sand from just a moment ago, dissolved as if they were pulp. "My…poison?!" "It seems I can manage to digest it somehow. My stomach acid was stronger huh." As she watched the enemy army melt, Lil murmured in a relaxed manner. The ability of "The Glutton" is not just to consume enemies. It is possible to freely use the unique abilities possessed by a target who she had torn into "only up until the part that was eaten is digested", she also gained the secondary power to understand how to use said abilities instinctively. During the last war she 'consumed' a man named Pepe, but it seems there was no way she could demonstrate her true abilities because Pepe's power appeared unlikely to be effective on Yhwach who was her battle opponent. Nonetheless, according to what she told Gigi "do we really want to use such a disgusting bastard's powers?", It's possible to say that in the end, the man named Pepe was devoured only for retribution and replenishing Reiryoku. "So…where are they hiding?" ---- Although I don't want to act impulsively like Bambi…will scattering this 'poison' at random bring them out into the open? ---- No, I'll start by getting rid of that one who in all likelihood has the ability to counter the poison. Then, Lil turns her bow towards a single Arrancar. Towards the female Arrancar with the twin ponytails who had her 'poison' ability plundered just a moment ago. "eek……" Loly has never attempted to find out whether her own poison is effective on herself. But Loly had heard that Baraggan who was once the king of Hueco Mundo had died by his own curse, in a panic Loly tried to run away. However, because part of her body, after using Resurrección, had been eaten, she fell down unable to maintain her balance.

"Loly!" In response to Menoly who rushed over to try and help her, Loly yelled as her eyes widened. "Idiot! Run away……" Without waiting for the other two to finish their conversation, poison arrows were fired from the Quincy's bow ------ In the next moment, a large mass of water swept away the poison infused arrows together with the surrounding skull soldiers. "Eh……?” "No way……" A barrier of water that protected them. Watching the form of a large body of water which is out of place in a desert, dancing in mid air, Loly and Menoly embraced each other realising what had just happened. And then, before anyone could notice, Rudbornn reveals himself, he bowed his head deeply whilst uttering words of apology. "Oh…for you to go as far as to come to such a place in person. How should I express my humble apologies for causing you trouble……" The Arrancar that appeared on the scene opened her mouth to speak in a manner that interrupted Rudbornn's apology. "There's no need for you to apologise. I'm sorry for arriving so late." The Arrancars mouth was covered by a mask which was reminiscent of a set of fangs, and then concealed behind a long collar ---- Tier Harribel turns her eyes towards the Quincy in the sky whilst the water steered by her Zanpakutō was made to surround them as a river flowing through the air. "…You're leader is supposed to be dead. Why lay waste to our territory?" In contrast with Harribel who had posed that question, a man who appeared from behind flashed a villainous smile as he spoke. "Ha! Does it matter what kind of reason they may have? If they came here for a fight let's give them one." Looking at the Arrancar who had just made an appearance, Loly and Menoly who were once attacked by him shrieked. "G-Grimmjow!"

"eep……" Grimmjow looked at the pair and simply muttered to himself "huh? I feel like I've seen their mugs somewhere…", however, appearing to not take any particular interest, he removed his eyes from them right away. "It's been a while since I've felt such a flashy Reiatsu so I came to see, is this some sort of festival? And you're leaving me out in the cold, you have some nerve, don't you Rudbornn!" "…But I've requested your assistance for the subjugation of Quincies many times…" In response to a perplexed Rudbornn, Grimmjow replies without even a hint of shame. "I'm not interested in small fry. However, these guys look like they'll do just fine." Although he's not as irrational as he once used to be, there is still a part of Grimmjow that is typically battle hungry. As if to reprimand him, an Arrancar who was a little further behind him spoke. "It's no good if you just throw yourself at the enemy all of a sudden, Grimmjow. We have to probe into our opponent's goals and abilities first of all." "Huh? Back off Nelliel. Their goals ain't worth shit, it'll be over when I beat all of them to death." "You say that but, who was the one that was almost killed by the Quincy in Soul Society, I wonder?" "……Why you." Taking Nelliel's words as a provocation, Grimmjow turned his irritated gaze towards her. In a vast desert where the silence resembles nothingness, showy explosive flames and Reiatsu was enough to attract the attention of powerful Arrancar. Watching the current scene where practically all the top class powerhouses amongst the Arrancar were gathered, Rudbornn concealed his emotions, in his heart he was choked with tears. Menoly is relieved thinking "we're saved, for the time being", Loly experiences a sense of envy towards the stronger warriors and irritation towards her own helplessness, she ground her teeth seemingly vexed. Strangely, it just so happened to be the case that each of those three strong warriors were all present, and even though the battle seemed to intensify further -- they have not yet noticed. The fact that it was not only the inhabitants of Hueco Mundo who were being drawn in by the conflict of the desert. "Hey, some dangerous looking guys have turned up." Vigilant of the huge mass of water Lil kept her distance, Gigi addressed her from further behind. "That person over there, wasn't she a prisoner of war in Silbern?" "Yeah, she's the Arrancar boss that was captured by Yhwach personally. She's not an opponent you can be careless around." Whilst trying to predict the abilities of the newly arrived Arrancar, Lil tries to issue simple instructions to Gigi. "Gigi, use your blood on that water……" However, she was interrupted midway through her sentence. A sudden chill runs down the spines of Lil and the others. ---- What the heck? What's this creepy Reiatsu? Lil turned her attention to the three newly arrived Arrancar, but it seems not to belong to them. On the contrary, the Arrancars seemed to pick up the same feeling, shifting their cautious eyes back in Lil's direction. They have never felt such a thing before now, but despite that, when they probed around for the source of that Reiatsu that seemed as if it was familiar somehow ------ “It” suddenly appeared from the sky. A small gate that resembled a Garganta, opened up high in the night sky. The small figure that jumped out from it, dropped down to the ground with tremendous force as the Reiatsu of that figure in question dispersed, a cloud of sand was made to rise several hundred metres in height.

A few seconds later, the mass of dense Reiatsu that was at the centre of it swirled around resulting in a crater far more wider than that created by the Quincies' attack earlier. "What…? This Reiatsu…" "…It's a strange Reiatsu. It reeks of a Shinigami and Hollow mix…" Grimmjow responded by continuing Nelliel's words. ---- It's similar to that blonde masked asshole, the one who got in the way during my fight with that Ichigo bastard. Grimmjow did not know his name, but it's one of the "Visoreds" that appeared before him in the past -- it closely resembled Hirako Shinji, despite this, he felt the Reiatsu was even more sinister as he turned his guarded attention towards it. Then, Harribel who was silent up till then raised her voice. "…It's like the Quimera Parca that belongs to Apacci and the others…" Quimera Parca. Although they haven't arrived here yet, the three Arrancars who were Harribel's direct subordinates, are able to create a ferocious beast by sacrificing one arm each. "Ayon? It certainly has that sort of stench to it." An eerie Reiatsu, intermingled with a myriad of elements. What kind of monster has materialised from within that cloud of sand? As the Arrancars keep their guard up, that cloud soon clears away ------ "Aitatata……Sand becomes rock hard when you dive into it huh? I've learnt something new!" A voice resounded as if to shatter the tense atmosphere, a child wearing black garments similar in appearance to a Shihakushō became visible. The child is beautiful but with androgynous features whom one cannot distinguish as either a boy or a girl, looking at the group of Arrancars that were in the surroundings "It" nods with evident satisfaction -- next, “It” looked at the three Quincies and tilted its head. "Huh? Quincies? I haven't heard anything about how to deal with Quincies. What should I do?" Muttering that to itself whilst standing up, “It” turned in the direction of the Arrancars. "But, if I don't do what Tokinada sama told me to do first of all……" An out of place child without any indication of nervousness. Although, seen from the outside, the child made such an impression, there is no one who could laugh or drop their guard after watching that. The fact that they had maintained composure in a situation like this is an abnormality in itself -- because the sinister Reiatsu they had sensed earlier is without a doubt being emitted from the child in front of their eyes. "Stop right there…Who are you?" Harribel enquired, her Zanpakutō remaining in a readied state. Rudbornn has already produced countless new soldiers, enclosed in a horde of skull soldiers running in the thousands, “It” displayed an innocent smile and gave its name. "Right! I'm Hikone! Ubuginu Hikone!"

The child named Hikone, remained completely unperturbed by the fierce Arrancars. Observing that scene, Lil then spoke. "…I'm getting a sick feeling. That brat's smile doesn't reach its eyes at all." Whilst sensing an aura similar to Gigi's zombies, an expressionless Lil continued to speak some more. "Moreover, I also sense signs of familiar scum…what's going on?" In an atmosphere surrounded with confusion, Hikone quietly bowed before speaking of their own intentions. "Well err, to all the Arrancars, I have a gift from Tokinada sama." "Tokinada……?" The Arrancars are even more perplexed at the fact that a completely unfamiliar name had just been brought up. "I heard that the one called Baraggan san and the one called Aizen san are gone, and this world has no king now." When Hikone said as such in a cheerful manner, some degree of the Arrancars' bewilderment turns to hostility. Whether or not the child noticed the change in atmosphere, Hikone continued to speak unfazed. "Therefore -- it seems Tokinada sama himself is kind enough to let me be king of Hueco Mundo! Isn't that great?! He and I will do our very best so that I become a good king!" Hikone quickly bowed their head. The skull soldiers brandished their blades and advanced at Hikone's back. "Your disrespect knows no bounds. You even talk about replacing Aizen sama or something, surely you jest." Although Rudbornn speaks with a calm voice, he took those words from just a moment ago as an insult towards Aizen, a wave of fierce emotion overflowed within him. However, Hikone doesn't even try to avoid the attacks of the skull soldiers who came swooping down on them, Hikone took every hit with their whole body. Then, the sound of a violent collision could be heard ------ the shattered blades of the skull soldiers went flying into the air. "……Hierro!?"

Nelliel raised her voice in astonishment. Why does that Shinigami like child have hardening skin which is a special characteristic of Arrancars such as themselves? In front of Nelliel, who held some doubts, Hikone delightfully looked at the surrounding Arrancar and spoke. "Tokinada sama said it's likely no one would accept. As expected of Tokinada sama. It's become just as he said it would be." Accordingly, Hikone unsheathes the Zanpakutō that was being carried on their back. Looking at the blade that had just come into view, the Arrancars perceived the drop in the surrounding temperature. The child was clearly enshrouded in an aura that differed from that which ordinary Shinigami or their own employ. Before the Arrancars could even ascertain the true nature of that sense of discomfort, Hikone poetically recites the instructions of "Tokinada sama" aloud. "In that case… beat them to a bloody pulp, until they consent, until their hearts yield, that's what I was told!" As soon as that was said, Hikone grasped the Zanpakutō they were holding tightly, with a smile still on that face, Hikone chanted the name of the sword. "Orbit the stars ------ Ikomikidomoe!"

[solohux]

solohux’s May fic favourites ✿

IGNORE THE LATENESS!

–> Our Apartment by @foryoursakegeneral ♡ Hux Comes home. (daddy kink, adhd kylo, domestic cuteness)

–> Nursing/Lactating by Winklepicker ♡ Hux has six-nipples, porn happens. That’s pretty much it. (milk play, a very lovely fic if you like these kinks!)

–> Accidentally On Purpose by @onewhositswithturtles ♡ Kylo has been harboring feelings for his uptight boss, Hux, over the last year but said nothing for fear of getting fired. Unfortunately one night Kylo’s friends get him drunk and Kylo decides Hux should see what he’s missing, and texts Hux a dick pic. The next morning when Hux tells Kylo to come to his office after work, Kylo has no idea what to expect. (modern au, bottom hux, a great pining scenario with brilliant smut!)

–> Haunted Soldier by @vadianna ♡ After spending two years completing his training, Kylo Ren comes home to the Finalizer.  He has planned and plotted every instant of his reunion with Hux, and a large part of that centers on Hux’s reactions to the scars he gained at Starkiller.Or: Rough sex on a big desk.Or: Overconfident Kylo Ren takes advantage of feelings. (bottom kylo, tagged as pwp but it’s the best pwp i’ve read in a long while)

–> For His General by @cosleia ♡ Dopheld Mitaka is a loyal officer of the First Order. Loyal to the cause and loyal to his general. And it’s up to him to save General Hux from Kylo Ren. (jealous mitaka, pining, some goooood hux & mitaka feels with a soft domestic kylux feel!)

–> Family Secrets by @rannystuffandthings ♡ Hux receives an invitation from his father to bring Kylo to Arkanis to “celebrate” their engagement. Things go as well as Hux assumed they would. (tw homophobia, lots of gorgeous protective kylo)

–> To Each of Us, Our Own Assigned Delusion by @vadianna ♡ The First Order Personnel Counseling Hotline is staffed by sensitivity officers well-trained in dealing with personal issues that arise during service to the First Order, including struggles with worthiness, conflicts with other employees, and even doubts about loyalty.  If you need to talk, they’ll be available for a live conversation during any shift.A mysterious caller manages to find personal issues that they were not trained to deal with.  Specifically, because everyone in the Order is given the same basic sex ed classes at the same time.  There is incredulity and hard feelings on both sides. (sex ed, awkward virgin kylo, kylo talks to the First Order’s Sexual Health Q&A Hotline and oh my god you’ll laugh at his one, it’ll brighten your day!)

–> Oversimulated by @saltandlimes ♡ Hux first notices exactly what that problem is when he’s a lieutenant on his first cruise. There are a limited number of people to fuck. Hux makes inappropriate use of the stormtrooper training simulations. Kylo likes to watch. (voyeurism, kylo touching himself to the sound & sight of hux having sex, so hot you’ll fucking blush!!!!)

–> Confrontation by @omega-hux ♡  Kylo finally says something worthy of retribution. (arguing, you’ll want to wrap hux up in cotton wool after reading this the poor baby)

–> Join by TrashBinKrem ♡ Kylo didn’t play fair, and it’s been eating Hux up. Now it all comes to a climax. (groping & kissing, a beautiful smutty scene with lots of feels)

–> Leverage by @ballvvasher ♡  Hux, tense one evening, coms for a massage droid but accidentally sends it to Kylo instead. (bottom hux, dirty talk, lots of filth & it’s paced so well, if you like smutty fics then you’ll love this!)

–> Off Limits by @verybadhedgehog ♡  Military man of twinky appearance, previously stereotyped as a bottom, meets annoying xeno-experienced frot evangelist telepath, is persuaded to be less sexually self-denying. Jizz everywhere, job’s a good ‘un. (non-penetrative sex, kylo makes hux feel good and it’s unlike anything i’ve read, this is a stunning fic)

–> Pleated Skirts & Perverts by neptune_bound ♡ Ren has a talented mouth, and Hux appreciates it maybe too much. (hux has a skirt on & kylo eats his ass, a++++++ fic)

–> cry baby by @princessfuckingleiaorgana ♡ Hux orders Kylo to get lost, Kylo obeys. (break-up, lots of angst but a good type of hurt!)

–> you know I’d be so grateful if you’d come to relieve my stress by @agoodflyting ♡ housewife hux is unsatisfied with his sex life, so he decides to seduce the strapping, yet naïve pool boy ben solo. (modern au, power bottom hux, absolutely perfect smut that you’ll definitely want to read again, ive read this like 10 times and STILL love it)

–> Pampered by @kylux-trashpile ♡  Kylo spends some time pampering his lover. (feeding, weight gain, lots of wonderful chubby hux & soft kylo!!!)

–> Fairytale Psychosis by @nonsensicalsoliloquy ♡ Even when Hux was a young child he’d never considered himself all that interested in fairytales.Having one essentially stumble and force itself upon him didn’t exactly change that so much as have him worry he was losing his grip on reality. (modern au, faerie kylo, fluffy & soft with lots of endearments and protective kylo! it’s lovely!)

–> Just Rewards by @stardestroyervigilance ♡ Hux bets Ren that he can’t possibly bring back an entire squad of Stormtroopers alive from one of his dangerous missions and promises to have a special surprise in store for him if he manages to do so. To his credit, Ren does manage it. (smut with plot, lingerie, they’re both confident and cocky and their established relationship is absolutely perfect here)

–> Gravid by Lady_Oscar ♡ A pregnant Hux develops Force abilities, and of course they manifest at an inopportune time. (mpreg, abo ‘verse, hux stands up to snoke and i honestly cheered, i love mpreg and this was lovely!)

–> Personal Jesus by @francisthegreat (WIP) ♡ Ren just wants to sit down and forget his past in peace. Hux predictably mucks up the works. (modern au, hot boys with guns, the style is short and sharp and it perfectly fits the topic, a fresh read!)

–> Scales of Gold by @thegayestcupcake ♡ Kylo Ren is a merfolk hunter. When he finds Armitage Hux swimming in a rural river, he begins to fall for the creature. Snoke bags and tags him with the purpose of selling him. Kylo Ren has to make a decision, does he save Hux, or does he let him be sold like a common piece of decorative art? Kylo decides on his first choice, and brings Hux back to his home. (a wonderful mermaid hux au with pining and sex, everything you could ever want!)

–> changeling by @cracktheglasses ♡  “I’m not strong enough, not by myself,” Kylo whispers. “But you are. Hux, I know if I could have just a portion of your will, I could do anything.” (modern au, cannibalism, it’d be best if you read all of the tags for yourself but, gosh, it’s so well-written and it’s so dark, perfect if you’re in the mood for a dark fic)

–> (in)sensitivity by @symphorophilian ♡ Kylo had never taken care of his toys. Armitage Hux was still all too eager to play the part of his pliant doll. (unhealthy relationship, dubcon, hux’s internal thoughts are so heartfelt and desperate, a really beautifully dark fic feat lots of manipulative kylo)

–> The Rat In The Vent by macabreverbosity ♡ “Except there was the matter of the “haunting”, as it were. It seemed that there had been multiple complaints of disturbances in the airvents, especially on the lower levels and the vents closest to his and Ren’s quarters. Additionally, Hux had been missing several articles of clothing. He suspected that Millicent, with her inquisitive green eyes, might have taken to hiding them somewhere on the ship.” (good crack feat. mitaka)

–> The Loth-Cat’s Out Of The Bag by @rebelwerewolf ♡ Jealous Hux or Kylo which leads to the rest of the Finalizer finding out they are in a relationship (lots of good jealousy & team building exercises lead to poor mitaka being attacked!)

–> Tangled Threads by @theweddingofthefoxes ♡ What is Matt supposed to do when his idol, Kylo Ren, takes more than a slight interest in the guy Matt’s had his eye on, Techie? (jealousy, Clan Techie!!!! precious, such a lovely fic)

–> Exhibition by @redcole ♡ First heatwave of the summer Hux goes out on his balcony for a quiet smoke and a cold drink only to find his new American neighbour in the garden below, naked in a similarly new hot tub, surprisingly large cock bobbing along on the bubble jets, nipples perky in the cooling night air. How absolutely horrid. Poor Hux having to look at that. He could look away any time he wanted and he definitely shouldn’t have a crafty wank… (voyeurism/exhibitionism, pervy neighbour hux & teasing kylo, filthy & perfect!)

–> The Traveller In The Dark by @xx-gigi-sinclair-xx ♡ “They discussed this possibility before they embarked on the lengthy process required for them to have a genetic child. One day, one of them was going to have to leave the other, for the sake of their daughter. It was a forgone conclusion.” (time travel au, kid fic, really heartfelt & a super unique idea, perfect characterisation)

happy reading! ♡ 

[thesoulmatecountdown]

You'll Know

You’ll know when you see him.

They say that you’ll just know. There is no real basis when it comes to feelings. Even I know that.

I’ve had this timer for as long as I can remember, and I can remember very well. I can remember even the day I was first given a vaccine all those years ago.

That’s why I’m confident that once I see you, your image will be forever imprinted in my mind.

01:02:05:23:07

These numbers on my wrist will tell.

Maybe when I graduate or maybe when I go shopping. I have no idea when I’ll meet them.

I rarely go out and I don’t even socialize so I don’t know how I’ll meet them. The only thing I do is lay on my bed browsing the web on my phone. Just like today.

I flipped the pillow so that the cold side touches my cheek. I’m lying on my side and my arm is starting to go numb so I stretch it out.

For more than three hours I’ve been doing nothing but swiping on my phone.

I open my YouTube app, in the mood to look at the latest videos.

There’s this new anime that people keep on raving on and on about. I click on a thumbnail and am greeted by the sound of words that I can almost understand. Perhaps I still need a few more years of studying Japanese.

Before I noticed, I’m far from watching anime as I’ve gone on to watching videos with real people. Such is the way things are in YouTube.

I absently click on the thumbnails and the videos recommended to me to watch before I grow tired and just click on the ‘auto-play’ switch.

The announcer speaks a foreign language I’m not familiar with. I hear some words being repeated over and over again, it’s on the title of the video. A name, I guess.

Then suddenly the camera angle changes and zooms in to a boy- a man maybe, and I stop.

The timer on my wrist tingles and I keep my eyes locked on you. Memorizing every detail I can.

You glide and you smile at the people watching you in the stands. You wave your hand around before going to the center and performing your piece.

You move like a girl yet there’s still that musculinity in you and I don’t know why that makes me so happy. Maybe because I’m pansexual and you seem like an all in one package?

You give your final bow and the video stops and the next one plays.

I’ll know when I see him.

..

“I found him.” I tell my best friend when I all but ran to her house right after I saw the video.

She’s frowning, “Who is he? Where? He’s a he?”

We were both so convinced that it was going to be female that I never would have believed my soulmate was a male. Until now that is.

“I haven’t me him. He’s not here.”

“Then how did you find him?”

“I saw him, babe. I was watching this video on YouTube and he was there.”

“You saw him in a video?! Show me!”

I was then promptly tackled to he bed.

..

“You sure know how to pick 'em, bitch,” she grinned.

She continued, “Yours go off in less than two years right?”

I nod.

“We definitely need to go to whatever country he’s in then.”

I slink down, “I know.”

“It’s not in our plans to go to another country so early, but what the hell. You’re 18 by then right?”

“Yeah, but you’re still 17.”

“Shit. You’ll have to go alone then. Sorry, babe.”

..

I told my Mom and my Sisters when I got back. They were ecstatic.

Mom was so happy that she almost rushed to finalize my papers to go to whatever country you’re in at that time. But I told her that I wanted to follow what was written on my wrist and they let it be.

I focused on my studies and achieved my dream of being the top in my batch. I was part of many events and excelled in many subjects but I never followed through the teachers’ advice to run for the Student Council position.

I wasn’t really a sociable person.

Through those times I remained as the introvert I always was and studied the lessons in advance in my room.

The only thing that was incredibly hard for me to excel in was in P.E.. I’ve never been the athletic type and I never will be.

Ironic, isn’t it?

..

Time passed so quickly and I was given permission to board a plane and fly to whatever country you were in two days before my timer stopped.

I was having a lot of fun touring in a foreign country without anyone imposing schedules on me or dragging me along with them.

It was a nice break.

Your game was on tomorrow and I couldn’t wait to see you in person and I’ve already bought a ticket and all I’m waiting for is for time to speed up so that we can meet already.

..

I didn’t do any extra preparations for today.

I didn’t do my hair in styles. I didn’t doll myself up. I didn’t wear any make up. I didn’t put on heels. I didn’t have any accessories on me.

For no other reason besides the fact that I wanted to meet the real you so badly and I believe that you would rather meet the real me.

There were so many cameras and almost everyone in the audience had gift they were going to give to you and all the other contestants.

Not long after, the warm-ups started and I just can’t tear my eyes off of you. The performances started soon after that and I couldn’t even pay attention to those who went before you.

When you went to the center, you raised your hand.

I’m so far behind that I couldn’t really see the numbers on your wrist but they looked similar to mine. Maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part?

I’m so glad I wore my contacts today because I get to see you clearly and you’re not just a blur moving around and around in front of me.

My eyes follow your every move, once again imprinting all that I can to memory.

The crowd goes wild each time you’re successful in doing moves so difficult that I know I’ll never be able to do even once in my whole life.

All throughout the event, with you in my sight, my wrist never stops tingling.

It’s you. I know it’s you.

..

I don’t even know how I’ll approach you. There are guards and there’s the police and I don’t want to look like a crazy fan when we finally meet. But I battle on and head to the lobby where all the other fans who want to at least catch a glimpse of you are waiting.

I glance at my wrist.

00:00:00:00:05:27

So close. It’s almost time and I can’t wait to finally, finally, really meet you.

The door opens and all the other contestants are there with their coaches, all chatting happily with smiles on their faces. The crowd goes a bit wild but it’s really not like a riot will start when they’re asking for autographs and selfies so mannerly.

Then you come through the door and you’re whipping your head left and right, searching. Searching for me.

And I just smile knowingly because if I didn’t already know it was you then that’s what I’d be doing too.

You glance at your wrist and at this much smaller distance between us I can finally see it a bit clearer than before. Still not the exact numbers though.

00:00:00:00:00:##

And I look at mine.

00:00:00:00:00:54

I feel myself flush with both embarassment and anticipation, but I pay it no mind as I go on and do what I came to do.

I call out your name.

You turn your head towards me and I burn the image of you smiling so cheerfully in my mind because I never want to forget such a precious expression on your face.

00:00:00:00:00:19

Ten long, quick strides are all it takes for you to reach me. Standing beside the swarm of fans who couldn’t really reach you.

00:00:00:00:00:07

I can’t stop smiling as I move closer to you as well. Fully intent on meeting you halfway.

The people seem to stop as they finally realize your presence but stop themselves from approaching because you seem like you’re in the middle of something. Something important.

And you are. You’re in the middle of meeting your soulmate. You’re in the middle of meeting me.

00:00:00:00:00:03

You stand infront of me and offer your hand for me to shake.

00:00:00:00:00:02

I keep myself from glomping you right then and there, keeping in mind that there are so many cameras around us and I don’t want you to be talked badly about because of me.

00:00:00:00:00:01

I take your outsretched hand and find relief in the fact that I’m not the only one nervous about this.

Your hands were sweaty too.

00:00:00:00:00:00

I feel a current flowing from our touching skin to the timer on my wrist and I’m electrified by it.

To my surprise, while I forbid myself from glomping you or hugging you, that didn’t apply to you too.

You tug on my hand, which is still in yours as I didn’t withdraw it immediately from the handshake.

Your arms are wrapped around me and you’re so cold and so warm at the same time. But I didn’t care as I hugged back with my free hand.

“Hi, it’s nice to finally meet you.” I look up.

“I can honestly say the same.” he once again smiles that oh so cheerful smile and I can almost see flowers blooming around him.

You’ll know when you meet him.

Now I understand what they meant by those words.