#on a ‘need’ rather than a want but I don’t get paid for June

[lesbianstarlightglimmer]

Dude why’d I pay $40 for a insulated water bottle tf is wrong w me

[encouraging-growth]

Hiatus

Hi all.

Today I come to you to discuss something that I’ve been in severe denial of for a very long time: I’m burnt out and want to stop making content. To find out why, continue reading below the cut.

Well, perhaps “burnt out” isn’t necessarily the correct phrase, but rather I’ve been feeling a lot of detachment and even despair regarding my audios/fics for well over a year (more heavily since grad school started last August). I feel like I’m always behind, never able to catch up, never able to get ahead, and, most frequently as of late, never in the mood to work on anything. In fact, it feels like a burden more often than not, especially during the school year (which is understandable, considering, y’know, schoolwork), but even during the summer, I find myself struggling to want to put anything out.

Starting Beautiful Things has only exacerbated the issue. I feel incredibly passionate about Beautiful Things, and I believe in its quality and value and merits of being published far more than I have with any other work I’ve ever planned, started, or finished. But ever since starting it in June, I’ve been operating under the mentality of “I need to get as much done now as I can because once the school year starts, I’ll have to push it aside to focus on schoolwork and OF content.”  But then I thought to myself, “Well…should I? Should I put BT to the side when I feel so passionately about it in favor of something I’m not passionate about? Should I unravel all the diligent work I’ve been doing this past month and a half for the sake of something that causes me significantly more stress than satisfaction?”

The more I think about it, the less I can justify saying yes.

The biggest gripe, of course, is the financial implications. I don’t make a *ton* of money doing content, but I average between $300 and $400 a month, depending on MV performance and customs, and that’s a decent enough paycheck that I hesitate to lose it. But again, I just don’t think I can justify forcing myself to produce work that isn’t bringing me joy.

Now, all that said, I won’t be fully shutting everything down and wiping myself from the face of the internet. YouTube and DeviantArt will remain as they are, and the OF will also remain open at a discounted rate ($5/month, which is the minimum OF will let me charge) for access to the audio archive. I’ll still be active on Tumblr, as I have been for a while, but I won’t be creating any new content (outside of Beautiful Things) for at least a few months—if not ever again. I don’t want to speculate too far into the future, but if I see a significant boost in my mental health after a few months of not worrying about OF posting, then that is a bridge I will have to cross.

I do want to extend a massive thank you to everyone who’s supported me, especially those who have paid for subscriptions, and even more especially those who have been around since the Patreon days. This community has been an immense source of comfort, confidence, and validation, both for my writing ability/creativity as well as my personality and even physical appearance. Again, I’m not planning on fully disappearing from the community forever; I’ll still be active on here, and I’ll probably also come onto OF every few weeks or so to let those who are left there know how I’m doing—I just won’t be putting any new content out for the foreseeable future.

I’ll be making the necessary updates to OF and other platforms within the next few days. For now, though, I hope you enjoy the archive, and though I’ll be sparse, remember:

Keep eating.

—EG

[lostcitysystem]

Hello, I didn’t want to do this because I hate asking for money but I haven’t eaten in two days and won’t get paid until the 23rd of this month.

I’m a 22 year old nonbinary person with severe mental health needs and autism. I was working towards getting a university degree when in June of 2022 I experienced an extremely traumatic event that left me barely able to leave my bed due to depression and flashbacks. On top of this, I have previous trauma from ab*se in childhood that caused me to develop psychosis, dissociation, and long term depression.

I am working full time to improve my mental health to the point that I can get a job but for now I live on government benefits. It barely covers my rent because the city I live in has such high renting prices. I’m barely scraping by and (although I hate to admit it) I need help.

I don’t need much money at all, just £50 to cover two weeks. This would allow me to buy groceries (enough to actually have two meals a day rather than one or none) as well as taking a massive weight off my mind.

I know times are tough but anything helps. I can provide proof of my diagnoses and finances if you wish (with sensitive information left out). If all my followers donated £0.20p then I would have all the money I need.

If you can’t donate please boost, it would mean the world to me.

c@$häpp: £magpiemoons

[madilovrs]

Movie Night

Robin Buckley x fem!Reader

summary: you and robin sit next to each other while watching a movie and you, close to sleep, realize just how gorgeous she is

1.4k words

warnings: none really i don’t think

tumblr messing up my spacing part 4

There was nothing you'd rather do on a Friday night than watch a movie with your best friends. Sure, there were plenty of parties and other friends inviting you out, and you'd love to attend, but there was nothing more fun to you than weekly movie nights. Over the past 3 years of monster hunting, everyone in the party (plus the honorary older members that have been acquired throughout the years) looked forward to hanging out without the threat of Hawkins tearing open and the Upside Down peaking through. You all had decided to make it a weekly tradition after Vecna attacked the teens of Hawkins. This week was Pretty in Pink picked by "Nancy" (Steve). Usually, you would have been excited to see Pretty in Pink, it was one of your favorites, but you were in the mood for something more exhilarating for the night.

After graduating from Hawkins High School this past June, you had tried to get a job in town, but the only one that accepted you was Melvalds. It was a fine job, paid a good amount, and kept you busy, but it was boring, and while you were grateful for the 5 months without any life-threatening situations, the attacks did break the "Nothing Happens in Hawkins" reputation the small town had just 4 years ago. Recently, though, when nothing was happening, it was nice to watch a thrilling movie to get your heart rate up. You weren't gonna argue with watching it, though. The group had a careful system of who got to pick the movie, implemented after the third or fourth movie night in which Dustin and Mike had an altercation over who should pick.

Since the last two people to pick the movies were you and Robin, you were banished to the floor, a fact that Steve was eager to remind you two of the minute you entered the house. So now here you all are, scattered across Steve's basement about 5 minutes into Pretty in Pink, and your eyelids were already dropping. You were on the cusp of slumber when Robin nudged your side.

"Hey, are you okay?" she asked you worriedly.

You tried to give her a coherent response but you really didn't have the energy to want to. You groaned lightly, not opening your eyes.

"I can't understand when you mumble, Y/N," she said lightly, nudging you again.

"God, you sound like my mom... or Steve." You both chuckled lightly. Steve, who was sitting on the couch you were leaning on, nudged your back with his knee, making you laugh harder. You finally picked your head up and looked at Robin. She was smiling humorously at you but you could tell she was worried. Robin had always been terrible at hiding her emotions. You sighed and relaxed your neck, your head lulling forward.

"What's going on? I thought you loved this movie," she questioned while tilting her head.

"I do..." was all Robin heard before you fell back into mumbling. Robin knew what you meant though and hummed in response.

"You know, you don't have to come here every week, you work your ass off, it's okay if you wanna get a headstart on your sleep sometimes."

You smiled, picking your head up again and looking at Robin. "I know, I love spending time with you guys though, no matter how tired I am or how boring the movie is."

"Whoa, did you just call Pretty in Pink boring? You must be exhausted," She nudged you again. Robin's reassuring smile then turned into a real one. A bright one. A beautiful one.

Has she always been this beautiful?

"Were glad you're here, but you need your rest sometimes."

"Thank you for worrying, Robin, but-"

"Can you guys be quiet? We're trying to watch a movie," Dustin snapped from across the room, the popcorn in his hands flying wildly as he gestured his hands. You and Robin looked at each other and started giggling before settling back into the bottom of the couch, more comfortable than before.

You made it maybe 10 more minutes into the movie before relaxing onto Robin's shoulder and letting sleep overcome you. Robin sighed and rested her head on yours, feeling more comfortable than either of you had felt in a long time.

—————————

When you had woken up, the basement was empty with the exception of you and Robin in the same position as you had been so many hours before. Without moving your head, you glanced at the digital clock next to the television.

6:32 AM

You shut your eyes for a long time, dreading getting up to drive home, only to have to get ready for work. Robin must have noticed your sudden tensity, for she started to stir.

"Mmm, Y/N," she groaned and rolled her head from you to the now empty couch. You picked your head up slowly and stretched your sore neck. Still slightly groggy with sleep, you look over at Robin.

How is she even more beautiful when she's asleep?

You sighed deeply and tilted your head while admiring her beauty before standing and stretching your stiff body. Begrudgingly, you left her to make some breakfast in Steve's kitchen.

Out of the corner of your eye, while munching on a bland piece of toast, you saw Robin stumbling into the room. 

"Morning sunshine," you said blandly, smiling at the disheveled girl while starting the coffee maker. She grumbled in response, slumping against the counter. "Sleep well?"

"I always sleep well next to you," she smiled lightly, looking down at her feet, "but, maybe it would've been better if we had laid down, my neck hurts so bad."

You giggled at her before fully realizing what she had said. I always sleep better next to you. The thought of the possible romantic intention behind it made your stomach flutter. You looked down at your feet and smiled into our toast.

"Enjoying my coffee?"

You and Robin both looked up startled to find Steve standing in the doorway, one hand on his hip, the other rubbing his eye. Robin glanced at you with a playful smile before returning her gaze downward.

"Thanks for letting us stay the night, Steve," you said with a smile, putting down the coffee cup.

"Yeah, yeah, don't mention it," He waved his hand as he spoke, his eyes flicking between you and Robin. "Hey, uh, you guys need a ride home?"

"Oh no no, I drove last night, I'll be outta here in a second," you smiled, suddenly feeling overwhelmingly like a burden.

"I do, Steve," Robin looked up and smiled awkwardly.

You and Steve exchanged a glance. He raised his eyebrows once. You returned it with a confused look. He tilted his head annoyed and rolled his eyes.

"Uh, well since Y/N is already driving herself home, Im sure she can take you."

"Uh, oh yeah. Yeah! I-I can!" you stumbled over your words. Robin's face brightened exponentially.

"Oh great!" She smiled at you, almost longingly, if you had to put it into words. Steve's cough interrupted the moment.

"Okay, well, you two lovebirds have fun, I'm gonna go back to my comfy bed."

You and Robin exchanged a glance, both blushing furiously. Steve examined the scene and turned to go back up the stairs.

"Let's get going, shall we?" you said awkwardly. Robin nodded and followed you out of the house.

"Hey about what Steve said-" you began once you were both sitting in your car.

"Don't worry about it! Steve's a dick, he'll say anything if he thinks it'll make me awkward. Plus, were like the only girls who like girls that he knows so, of course, he's gonna do something-" Robin rushed out, but couldn't finish her thoughts because of your interruption.

"Why would what he said make you awkward?" You feigned innocence.

"Oh! Uh, I don't know what I was thinking, sor-" She wasn't able to finish her apology before you managed to place a swift kiss on her lips.

"Whoa mama," Robin chuckled nervously, "ew, why did I say that- you know what, I don't care." She kissed you again, all of the pent-up emotion she had been harboring for you finally escaping. "I've been wanting to do that for a long time," Robin said, leaning her forehead against yous. You both sat there in Steve's driveway, smiling and as happy as could be.

[foreststranger]

READ FIRST -͟͟͞☆

MASTERLIST HERE ☆

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟABOUT ME -͟͟͞☆

hi! my name is amy/cheng wei (成唯), i go by she/her/hers, i’m 13 (my birthday is in june), and i’m a silly little fanfic writer. it doesn’t matter to me which name you use. if 成唯，阿唯，小唯，唯唯， etc. is easier for you to use, idm. if amy is easier for you, idm either.

i mostly write for honkai: star rail though i might write a few genshin related things here and there.

please request me to write something! i love writing (despite me abandoning projects all the time). now doing commissions as well if you wanna pay for my genshin and hsr funds…

i usually don’t proofread my work bc i’m too scared to read it, so forgive me for spelling/grammar errors and nonsensical lines.

“I'm Lynx, a Snow Plains Development Consultant. Though... I prefer exploring the vastness of the Snow Plains rather than solving problems in the city. The brisk weather can always stimulate your vim and vigor... Ah, sorry, I get distracted when thinking of all the possibilities hidden in the snow.”

↳ ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛʟʏ, ɪ ᴀᴍ:

⛰︎ thinking abt lynx

⛰︎ working on an il dan heng & child reader request

(ɪɴ ᴏʀᴅᴇʀ ᴏꜰ ᴘʀɪᴏʀɪᴛʏ)

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟDO NOT INTERACT -͟͟͞☆

↳ ᴅɴɪ (ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴀᴄᴛ)

⛰︎ basic DNI list

(homophobia, transphobia, racism, etc.)

⛰︎ accs with NSFW names (you can still read my stuff but don’t like, reblog, follow, etc.)

you’re fine if you have a nsfw pfp bc tumblr auto censors 👍👍

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ TAGS -͟͟͞☆

#.forestfics​​​ ☆

↳ fanfics

​#.forestreqs​​ ☆

↳ requests

#.forestthings​​​ ☆

↳ other

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ REQUESTS -͟͟͞☆

↳ ɪ ᴀᴍ ᴜɴᴡɪʟʟɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ꜰᴏʟʟᴏᴡɪɴɢ:

𑁍 character x character ships (unfortunately i only write x readers lol)

𑁍 pedophilic relationships

𑁍 anything with content I deem problematic/am not comfortable with

(kidnapping/yandere themes, the promotion of homophobia, transphobia, racism, and general bigotry, etc.)

𑁍 excessive gore

𑁍 NSFW (of the smutty kind, though there might be some ‘suggestive’ content)

if you send a request that i’m not comfortable fulfilling, I’ll let you know.

↳ ɪ ᴀᴍ ᴡɪʟʟɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ꜰᴏʟʟᴏᴡɪɴɢ:

𑁍 genshin and hsr stuff

𑁍 romantic and platonic x readers

𑁍 canon x oc

𑁍 angst, trauma, character death, etc.

(excluding SA and anything incredibly graphic)

𑁍 and more!

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ COMMISSIONS -͟͟͞☆

↳ ʙᴀꜱɪᴄᴀʟʟʏ ʀᴇQᴜᴇꜱᴛꜱ. ᴡʜᴀᴛ’ꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅɪꜰꜰᴇʀᴇɴᴄᴇ?

𑁍 i get paid via in game currencies

𑁍 you get a proofread fanfic with a lot more effort than a typical request

𑁍 more words/content (i.e, texts and such)

𑁍 your commission takes priority over all of my other projects (AKA I’M NOT GIVING UP ON YOUR FIC. EVEN IF BURNOUT GETS TO ME)

𑁍 that’s it lol

contact me via dms for commissions, rates, etc. however, as a standard, my rate is around $6.79-6.99 CAD/$5-5.16 USD (300 genesis crystals/300 oneiric shards) for every 700~ words. if you need help with how to pay, i can show you. ofc you don’t have to commission me but i’m getting desperate bc i need dan heng and then i need lynx and then there’s topaz and her little dog thing and jingliu and argenti and huohuo and then genshin’s hitting me with neuvillette AND wriothesley IN THE SAME PATCH pls i’ve never been more desperate for pixels. #commercializingyourhobbies. don’t feel pressured to commission me btw, little pixel people in my screen are luxuries, not necessities. i jst rlly want them.

my hsr uid for payment: 601912597 america server

my genshin uid for payment: 629711011 america server

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟMISC. -͟͟͞☆

↳ Qᴜᴇꜱᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ᴀɴᴅ ᴀɴꜱᴡᴇʀꜱ:

Q: how long will it take for you to complete a request?

A: requests are my favourite things to do so usually i’ll stop working on whatever i’m doing to focus on it. depending on how long it is, it may take me a from a day to a week or more. however, i often lose interest and motivation if a fic takes too long for me so apologies in advance if i give up on your request. 𑁍

Q: does anyone help you run this account?

A: it’s just me. though sometimes, with gruelling tasks such as reworking the texting parts of my old fics, my sister (8 yrs old) will help me out. she’s a very nice kid. 𑁍

Q: do you have an upload schedule?

A: i post whenever i have a completed fic and want to post it. usually, I’ll post 1-2 times every week. though, this is not always consistent. usually i’ll post twice back to back and then leave for a while. and especially since the school year is starting soon, this upload schedule may be even more inconsistent. i struggle a lot with burn out and have abandoned many projects. 𑁍

Q: what are your hobbies?

A: i like doing creative things. drawing, writing, etc. i also like to read and i’m learning to play the flute! i’m hoping to apply for a local school art program for singing and visual arts when i reach high school. 𑁍

Q: what languages do you read and speak?

A: i’m most fluent in english as i was born in canada. i can speak vietnamese pretty well but i have difficulty understanding dialects and accents. i’m also not very good at reading it either. (hong kong) cantonese i can hold a conversation in (mostly) but i have a lot of difficulty with it and can’t read most characters, since i only speak it with my dad. 𑁍

ask before translating, taking inspo from (not copy), reposting, etc. my work. remember to credit me and if you’re taking inspo from it, please @ me as I’d like to see what you do with my ideas!

[mellowwhumps]

June of Doom Day 5 & 6: “It’s not as bad as it looks.” | Disfiguration || Flinch | Abandoned

OC: Twelve, Emmei/MC (using he/him instead of they to differentiate)

CW: accidental implied self-harm, self-doubt

@juneofdoom

It had become routine for them at this point to sit on the counter as the store closed and the blinds were down, its two lone employees preparing to leave and go home for the day. Right now, however, they were forced to sit down against their will and sulk about it.

“Have you ever considered that you might not be fine? I mean, look at yourself. Don’t you dare think I wouldn’t check in on you.” Emmei chides them, glancing at their unzipped jacket and back at their wounds.

“S’ not as bad as it looks…Just a few more cracks.” The cashier squints. “More than a few more cracks,” they bargain, and when it’s clear the conversation isn’t going anywhere, they squint back. It’s always rather childish, their conversations just after closing time, yet this one, they fail to pick up for once, has an undertone to it. Emmei breaks the silence first.

“…I don’t want you chipping away in my store, okay? First time you came here I nearly had a dead body soon to be for sale. I don’t know what your standard of ‘bad’ is, but mine is pretty much this. You don’t even know what you’re meant to be, let alone where you came from.” 

They at least have the conscience to avert their gaze and look guilty, because they really are. They took the other’s time just to make him look after this fragile body of theirs and put him in danger by harboring a wanted delinquent. Their hands start fidgeting once again and Emmei, of course, notices when they move to zip up their jacket again. They’ve both gone too far, pretending this problem never existed for the past few days as though it were as simple as forgetting to restock the goods.

There had always been a fine line between them and the humans, after all; there always would be. For however long they could remember, they were doomed to be alone and forever separated from an identity or life. This disfigured body, the shattered remains of their wings, their white hair and misplaced memories and damned being and— 

There’s a warmth, gentle yet not restraining. They flinch almost instinctively in his hold, something so unheard of it should never have happened because nobody has come so close to them before. One of their hands is at their chipped collarbone; they move it so it hangs limply by their side. They hurt themself again, didn’t they? 

When he pulls away, standing awkwardly and clearly uncomfortable, they almost reach forward after forgetting their two other limbs are still trapped beneath their jacket, and then promptly remember the untimely information of how the price tag is still on the jacket and they never actually paid for it so it isn’t even theirs.

“I—” A third voice speaks and it takes a moment for them to realise that both of them are simply talking at the same time. Emmei gestures for them to speak before they even have the time to retort; the very next second their whole world seems to shatter beneath their feet. It’s a desperate act, the way they try to convince themself to say it even though they know they don’t want to say what they really mean or mean what they really say.

“Don’t need I…I can go.” 

“…And? What after that?” Emmei crosses his arms. They understand all too well what rhetorical questions are, choosing to keep quiet. They’d die out there, get caught or studied or have some other irregularity cut off like she did to them. 

Rough touches, silver on skin. The door looms right beside them, some forlorn escape, and they nearly lose themself in their thoughts for the umpteenth time before Emmei interrupts, saving them once more. 

“Listen, okay? I’m not going to abandon you on the streets, I already made my choice,” he states, “and if you really think you’re useless, I restock the shelves twice as fast with you and actually remember where that one soft drink is. So maybe keep yourself safe instead of killing yourself so I can get off work without being fired, yknow?” Oh. They never thought of it that way.

When they don’t speak up, Emmei sighs and walks to the store’s exit, gesturing for them to follow and halt this one-sided conversation. Just as abruptly as the conversation starts, it ends with them locking the door behind them and rushing to catch up, careful not to step on the pavement’s grooves. 

Stopping and taking a glance at the lazy blue of the summer sky turning orange, they are called back to the word called home; home with him, home where their heart could be, home. Four letters, so difficult yet so easy to understand. 

[thessalian]

Thess vs Burnout

I should have booked my upcoming week off for next week, not the week after next. When booking at least 50% of my annual leave (which HR demanded we all do by the end of June, possibly to stop Scruffman taking random half-days with no notice whenever he feels like it), I knew I needed a break fairly soon but I wanted to give as much notice as possible. Thus, first week in July. But I underestimated how burned out I currently am and I don’t know how I’m going to get through the rest of this week, never mind next week. Yes, I know tomorrow’s Friday; the point stands.

That whole “Violet does the long typing and Temp does the short typing” deal is still affecting me in unfortunate ways. I mean, it’s bad enough that Violet only takes them one at a time and works at them at a snail’s pace, which means I get a lot of them regardless of the supposed deal. Thing is ... Violet is elderly and a bit fragile, health-wise. She winds up being out sick a fair bit. But when she’s away, does Temp go, “Well, the deal’s moot since Violet isn’t here; I guess I’d better do some of the longer typing”? NOPE. Which is what it looked like today. There were many, many long ones, all by people who have no idea how to format the damn things, who do the “Oh, hey, could you go back to the first bit and add an important thing I forgot?” thing in the middle of the block key, and who also have no idea how to make sure their recording equipment is in working order. Two of the trickier accents in the building and they fucked up a setting so that it was using the built-in mic on their computers rather than their headsets and it sounded like they were talking at me from one end of a long tin pipe half-blocked by a three-week-old athletic sock. The problem is that I know how Scruffman feels about this; he has made it perfectly clear how he feels about it. How he feels about it is, “As long as I don’t have to do anything”. He doesn’t want to have to talk to Temp about this. He doesn’t want to have to police Temp about it. Most of all, he doesn’t want to annoy the one who is actively in the office who might give him dirty looks about it. Meanwhile, I’m the one who can’t take this shit because of a physical disability, but since he doesn’t have to watch me suffer, it’s fine.

Of course, shit continues being shitty in the rest of the world. Turns out the “We’re going to halve inflation by December 2023″ bull Sunak was spewing awhile back is ... well, just that. Interest rates have gone up to 5%, and odds are good that they’ll be raised to 6% come Christmas. But none of this is going to hit up the rich people, because all they’re going to do is protect their bottom lines by fucking the rest of us over. Landlords aren’t going to tighten their belts and pay the extra on their mortgages out of pocket; they’re going to raise rents even higher than they already are. As for supermarkets ... well, since the triple-whammy of Brexit, Covid, and Ukraine, the cost of actually producing the food and getting it from point A to point B has reportedly gone down but the prices in the supermarkets keep going up. They say they’re raising interest rates and risking a recession because inflation is such a bad thing, and I keep wondering ... why are you not pointing at the people who are causing it? People decide what everything is worth, and when that starts going up further than it should, you have to start looking at the people who set the fucking prices. And all of their increases are in the wrong place. If they just paid decent wages, more people would be able to buy the things they’re offering, and ... I mean, selling cheaply to many is a tried and tested way of doing business. It’s not huge profits, but it’s enough to keep going. The problem is that profit is not enough for these people. They not only want HUGE PROFIT, they want HUGE PROFIT now and EVEN HUGER PROFIT next year and ever-increasing. So they feed inflation by raising their prices to insane degrees, particularly if it’s a needful like ...you know, food. Meanwhile, to make their profit margins look even better, they understaff their workplaces, and underpay those few overworked staff they have. So the interest rate shit is all on them. But there’s going to be no windfall tax on the wealthy because apparently “that’ll just make inflation increase more”. Which is actually honest, given that the wealthy would raise their prices even higher and say, “We had to do it because of how much you’re taxing us! We’re losing money!!!”

They’ll lose a lot more when we can no longer afford to buy their stuff.

So the summary is that I am entirely burned out and everything is pretty depressing and I should have booked my week off for next week but I have to get through one more week of Temp’s bullshit before I can get enough rest to face ... well, this mess.

[dapperbasil]

Tammy - 50

One word writing prompts: Cotton

When Caroline learned how little clothing Tammy had after her embrace, she had insisted on taking the young Ventrue to remedy the situation. With her sire graciously accepting the offer, Tammy found herself following the Toreador quietly, feeling extremely out of her element as they walked down the aisles of various stores. It had already been a rather long night, with numerous trips to the fitting rooms just to be disappointed with each and every one. Caroline frowned as she held up a blouse and looked down at the awkward young woman tailing behind her. “It’s a shame that it’s June, I think you’d look wonderful in fall colors. Summer doesn’t really suit you, Tammy.”

As Caroline puts the blouse back on the rack, Tammy takes a look over at the few successful purchases they were able to agree on. Mostly slacks, but there were a few more colorful button up shirts that both agreed looked nice enough that her sire wouldn’t mind her wearing on occasion. “I’m not sure that much really suits me at all, Miss Maxwell. Not that I don’t appreciate you doing this for me, I really do.” Tammy holds her hands behind her back as Caroline holds a dress up to her to measure it, both of them shaking their heads at the garment being far too short to even entertain. “I just don’t understand why you’re being so nice to me by doing this.”

Caroline laughed as if Tammy’s words were the funniest thing she had heard all night, stopping only when she noticed the Ventrue was not laughing along with her. “Oh, you’re serious. Lemme guess, Zacharias told you others only help if they want something from you, right?” A nod was the confirmation Caroline needed as she led Tammy away from the clothing department and into bedding. “I guess that’s not wrong, per say. I do want something from you out of this, but it's not anything too major.” Caroline begins browsing the items on display and putting them in a basket, bedsheets, pillow cases, towels, various necessities. “You see, I’ve known your sire for quite some time now, a good many years. And he’s picky, very picky.” She glances at Tammy, who gives back an uneasy smile. Caroline’s voice lowers in volume to a much softer tone, to ensure others don’t hear her speaking. “He’s not the kind of kindred who would take the choice of childe lightly, Zacharias certainly put much thought into your embrace. So I want to know… why did he pick you?”

Tammy found herself unable to answer. She didn’t really know why her sire had chosen her for the embrace. “I… I couldn’t really say. He’s never said anything about it to me, and I don’t think there’s anything really special that would be a reason for it.” She followed her in silence as they made their way to the front of the shop, Caroline seemingly satisfied with her selections. 

“That’s just it, Tammy! Excuse me saying this but you’re… so overwhelmingly average that I can’t figure it out myself. I wish I could get into that little head of his to find out his reasoning. I swear not knowing is going to drive me insane.” Caroline shrugged her shoulders and paid for the merchandise, making a big effort of sighing in annoyance. “I guess I’ll have to learn it the hard way. I’m sure it’ll become clear in the coming years, once you settle into everything.”

The drive back was relatively silent, the only sound in the car being the music playing from the radio. Turning down a different road than the one her sire lived on, Tammy was surprised until she remembered that Zacharias had mentioned moving her into an apartment. Clearing her throat as they got closer to their destination, Tammy looked down into her lap. “Thank you, by the way. I wanted to say it before we were in front of my sire, so you’d know I wasn’t just saying it because he wanted me to. I am really grateful for all this.”

Caroline reached over and ruffled the young fledgling’s hair with a grin. “Glad to hear. Now you’ll have better things to wear than those tacky little dresses like the one you wore to my studio. You’re much better off, and I’ll never have to see those affronts to fashion ever again! We’re both winners in my book.”

They parked outside an apartment complex where Zacharias stood waiting next to his car, the two elder kindred exchanging pleasantries before Caroline took her leave and the Ventrue escorted Tammy up to her new home for the time being. He gave her a small list of rules for her to follow, all of which felt fair enough to her, handed her a set of keys and took his leave for the night. As she was setting up the soft, cotton sheets on the bed in the bedroom chosen for her, Tammy sighed as her mind wandered to the question Caroline had posed, a question she hadn’t really realized even was one to be asked. “Why did he choose to embrace me?”

[darklightsworld]

Now that I’m frequenting tumblr once again, it’s time to make the post I wrote in June, but got lazy selecting photos for, so it never saw the sunlight ^^;;; This is part 1, with tiny update comments. I will try not to slack on part 2.

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Long time no see, tumblr. It has been a busy year so far, and more than a half are gone already (well, 3/4 now). Yet, we’re still not over covid (Still!!!) >_> We’re having the biggest number of infections ever, but fortunately traveling is not restricted. Never mind that people are self-restraining even without being told from above. It’s really disappointing, I was hoping that Japan would gradually open up after they started to let in organized tourism (the economy really needs tourism, especially with the cheap yen, thus more expensive imports, rising prices), but I don’t see it happening any time soon :/ (Well, it just happened, yay! Covid had the seventh wave meanwhile, currently decreasing numbers, but far from over) I think I was really lucky to be able to travel to Europe in May-June, just before the new variant started to spread. Now I have a short trip booked to Sendai in September (summer is for surviving and not for traveling in Japan, after all), and I was asked to hold a speech in Kyoto in late October (and Nagoya in November) – I really hope it won’t be cancelled (they won’t 👍), I really want to go back, even if it’s a few days (accidentally I wrote years first, yeah, Freudian). Once again, because Tokyo is the most infected, traveling for research is out of question, which sucks… The National Diet Library really should make postwar magazines freely available. Like seriously, what do they expect to happen with 50-60 year old of magazines, that don’t happen with 80 year old ones?!

Anyway, I just wanted to share a few photos of my Europe trip. The catalyst was a symposium in Spain I was invited to, and taking the opportunity I also visited home before and after that. Traveling became damn expensive and difficult due to covid. I paid like 60 thousand more for the ticket. Sure, there might have been cheaper ones with long overlays, but I don’t like traveling too long, so I take a direct flight from Tokyo to Vienna if I can. Of course, due to the war the trips were longer than usual by 2-3 hours orz But, on the other hand, unlike European planes there weren’t many passengers, so lying across seats was possible (managed to get screaming kids on both flights though…>_>). In the end even to Spain, or more accurately to Galicia, there weren’t many options from Budapest, so that trip was also from Vienna, my dad driving the three hour trip from home back and forth a lot of times ^^;

Both Hungary and Galicia were extremely hot for that time of the year, but not before and after, so I felt like the heat was following me from Japan – and then back -_- Due to the trip to Galicia I didn’t spend that much time in Hungary, so rather than go sightseeing all the time I was trying to relax and eat food I can’t get here, like good cheese, túró rudi, paprika salad every day, etc. I really hoped to make a trip to the capital for the Bosch exhibition, but the timing was not right :((( By the way, being without a mask required some getting used to in the first few days, but it was sooooooo good. I really miss that now…

So, first batch of pics: Vienna. We spent two days in Vienna before the Galicia trip, because my plane took off at seven in the morning, and I was not willing to travel through the night to get there by five. It was really nice and an additional plus of traveling through Vienna. Once again we stepped into a holiday (in 2019 the National Day, now Ascension of Christ @_@), but it was not too bad. First (half) day were were just walking around in and around Hofburg. Karlskirche was new to me, very nice church, but the elevator inside the church messes up the view a lot. The main purpose this time was the Belvedere, also a first for me, and it was great. Many great exhibitions, old palace and history.

tbc...

[awanderingcanadian]

A Little Rant

I read the above article and as a British Columbian I want to provide some context, as well as personal experiences to this scathing commentary. First off, no one would ever say our system is perfect, but having lived 11 years in the U.S. I can tell you which system I prefer, and that’s this one here in Canada. For someone from Ontario, (with it’s recent horrific foray into a two tier system), to criticize our province is rich, really rich.

I think we can safely say that healthcare, in many places throughout the world, is reeling and trying to recover from COVID and its fallout. I have a friend who works for an agency. She makes big bucks, has her housing and transportation covered as well as her salary, (they fly her from her home in Mexico to wherever the contract it), and we, the Canadian taxpayers, are paying for it. Do I like it? No. Yet most of her work thus far has not been in B.C….it’s been in Ontario. While I don’t like that B.C. is having to send cancer patients to the U.S. while we fix what’s broken, I applaud the decision to help people rather than play politics. I’m sure it was tough for Adrian Dix to swallow that bitter pill, yet he was the bigger person and did the right, (short term) thing.

I will now turn to a BIG drain on B.C.’s healthcare system: the retirees from all the other provinces who retire here. The transfer payments don’t catch up, so basically these people have paid into the system in the province where they worked, and now are drawing increased services in my province. I don’t begrudge people the right to move around and retire, but I do feel frustrated that the healthcare money doesn’t follow them.

That’s the rant part over. Now I will tell you some VERY recent personal B.C. healthcare experiences: last month, (May), my husband had a small medical emergency while in Mexico. We received wonderful treatment in Mexico, but it was a temporary fix until we could get back home. We called our doctor’s office from Mexico, told them we would be back in B.C. on Saturday evening, and had an appointment at 9:10 Monday morning. That appointment resulted in a referral to a specialist, whose office called about 90 minutes later, and set up a specialist appointment for Thursday morning. The result of that appointment was that surgery was needed. The next day, Friday, the surgery took place…at the hospital. Because it was a long weekend, they decided to keep my husband in for an extra day to ensure all was fine, (and it was), then two days later a home-care worker, (an RN), followed up. That’s the kind of ‘horrible service’ we experienced.

Today my husband had another specialist appointment, for which he waited 3.5 months to get, (he has carpal tunnel in one hand/wrist). After seeing the specialist, the surgery is set for June 27th, (just under two weeks from now).

I know that not everyone is getting this kind of care, but don’t paint everyone with the same unsatisfactory brush. Some of us are having wonderful healthcare services, and we are appreciative of all that our healthcare specialists do for us.

Rant over.

[remythologise]

important question: which media properties would you cash in your "gay ships go canon" chips on?

Truly one of the most wonderful questions I’ve ever received, thank you so much anon.

So to begin our analysis let’s revisit our portfolio positions from June 2021 to see how our economic landscape has shifted. So obviously I’ve personally made new investments in Nandermo and TedTrent stocks, for example, and we’ve more broadly seen a big shift towards what I’d call ‘second-wave queerbait’ in the last few months. But that’s a pretty good overview of the market overall.

To start this analysis I’ll need to have a baseline fund to be investing from, so let’s say I have the equivalent of 5 ‘chips’ to cash in. I’ll also slightly modify the question to factor in likelihood of canon (if there was no likelihood of canon factor involved, for example, I’d invest more heavily in Geraskier). So let’s go bait by bait based on the ones I engage with or at least know about:

1. Destiel: Probably the trickiest one but also the most obvious to start with. In a very real way it’s already ‘gone canon’ and fandom stocks have already probably hit an all time high. Would I want Destiel to go fully canon? Absolutely. However, this show is functionally ‘over’, so investing here feels like pushing for a company that’s already declared bankruptcy. I would not invest in Destiel*.

2. Hannigram and Villaneve: Whether or not shows continue, these ships are already essentially canon in any meaningful way to the fanbase and audiences. I would not invest in Hannigram or Villaneve.

3. Aziraphale/Crowley: I don’t care for Neil Gaiman’s particular brand of bait-excusing, nor do I really think this being canon would alter the fandom or culture in any real way. I would not invest in Ineffable Baiting.

4. Nandermo: This is heading towards, if not already, canon, and stocks have already jumped accordingly. Minimal returns on a sure bet. I would not invest in Nandermo.

5. Supercorp: Genuinely WOULD have invested here if the show hadn’t just ended (bankruptcy). Despite never having seen the show, I think the cultural win here would have been huge for everyone. Disappointed that investment here is now pointless. I would not invest in Supercorp.

6. Any MCU Ship At All: bankruptcy and/or insufferable fandom. Wouldn’t put my money in Disney if you paid me. No chance of any big ship going canon. I would not invest in the MCU.

7. Symbrock: Functionally the ‘MCU’ but already about as ‘canon’ as they’ll ever be. I would not invest in Symbrock because stocks have already jumped into canon territory.

8. Cherik: Functionally not the ‘MCU’ and functionally not ‘bankrupt’ since there can always be new films and properties, though it’s unlikely, and even more unlikely to ever be pushed into canon in the near to mid-term future. I would not invest in Cherik.

9. Merthur, Hilson, SilverFlint, XenaGabrielle, FinnPoe, and any other historical ships: Functionally bankrupt. Let’s just talk about the ones with actual possibility.

10. Sterek and Johnlock: have to be mentioned separately as tumblr tentpoles that I feel differently about to the above, and for the fact that revivals of these seem more possible. Almost tempted by how fucking funny the fallout and drama and fandom revivals would be but I’d rather die than invest my canon chips here.

11. Buddie: Deep down I think 911 is too ridiculously popular and Mainstream-America to make it canon. Nor do I think the results would be particularly game-changing, even if it were. Call me a cynic, but I would not invest in Buddie.

12. Geraskier: Unfortunately the odds on this one being reciprocated are insurmountable because of existing canon and core demographics. I would not invest in Geraskier, though I dearly want to, it’s already as canon as it would get. (As much as I dream of the total havoc that Geralt/Jaskier canon would wreak on reddit. Oh, if I were a billionaire, with enough chips…)

13. Tom/Greg: This is not a ‘ship’ this is a toxic, complex relationship on a well-written show that I trust to be engaging no matter what they do with it. I would not invest in TomGreg.

14. MacDennis: Don’t watch this show but overall from what I hear from those who do the ship vibes are Yikes. I would not invest in MacDennis.

15. Harry/Kim: Likely to be bankrupt as the sequel won’t feature them as protagonists. If it somehow isn’t bankrupt I’ll find more chips to use because we absolutely deserve any potential sex scene to be about them specifically.

16. WB Holmes/Watson: This is EXACTLY the perfect kind of investment opportunity you dream about. The odds here seem impossible because of how mainstream these films are, but the actors would be willing, the bait keeps increasing towards the canon singularity, and it would fundamentally shift culture in a huge way. I WOULD INVEST IN WB HOLMES/WATSON.

17. Kotetsu/Barnaby: Now I know a lot of you will ask ‘what are you talking about’. But this isn’t about you, this is about me and my personal chip supply. In a post-Yuri-on-Ice world, anything is possible, and I firmly believe in those possibilities !!! March 2022 I believe in you!!! I WOULD INVEST IN TAIBUNI.

18. Ted/Trent: While I don’t care for this ship as much as others on this list, I think culturally I want to cash in my chips here. The impact of having the Apple TV+ show EVERYONE is watching go for Ted/Trent rather than anything else? You Want To See It. Would improve the show monumentally, too. I invested here when stocks were barely worth anything, and look at me now. Big Risk, Big Returns. I WOULD INVEST IN TED/TRENT.

19. Kirk/Spock: It’s What They Deserve. After all these years.. if there’s any true logic to the universe, Star Trek would embrace its legacy of boldy going where no franchise has gone before. Now THAT’S a ship that deserves to be canon. I WOULD INVEST IN KIRK/SPOCK.

20. *Destiel, again: You know what. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter how low or high the odds are. There’s a CHANCE there will be a continuation one day and a CHANCE it will be reciprocated. We have to put our money into what we believe in sometimes, no matter how risky the odds… after all, who would have believed we’d get this far to begin with? I WOULD INVEST IN DESTIEL!!!!

[buckyownsmylife]

The Setup - Ransom Drysdale smut

The one where Ransom has been written out of the will, so you become his sugar mommy.

Warnings: smut, some angst, sugar baby!ransom, ceo!reader, breeding kink, semi-public sex, exhibitionism kink, begging, cockwarming?, pregnancy themes, talk of sperm donors.

Word count: 3.2k

A/N: this was the patreon-chosen fic for the month of June, so it has been available on my Patreon since then!

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I tapped my manicured nails on the clothed table as we waited for the waiter to pour the wine and leave us to talk. I could sense this was an important topic because Ransom looked clearly uncomfortable, which was completely out of the ordinary for the man who so easily broke my heart all those years ago.

“You wanted to see me,” I started to push him to get the conversation going once we were left by ourselves. That seemed to snap him out of his thoughts and he connected his eyes to mine once more.

“Yes.” Clearing his throat, he readjusted himself on the chair. “First, thanks for agreeing to meet me.” I just nodded, because of course I would meet him.

Even though he was an asshole to me when he decided to end our friends with benefits relationship, there was once a time when we truly were friends. Good ones at that. And I hated that our relationship got screwed up by mixing sex to it, so I was willing to take whatever steps were necessary to meet him in some sort of middle ground, where I could have my best friend back again.

Since I couldn’t have him as a boyfriend.

“I don’t know if you’ve heard this, but my grandfather cut me off the will.” My eyes widened at the information, truly shocked. My mind raced as I wondered how the hell Ransom was affording his usual lifestyle, now that he couldn’t count on his family’s money to get him by.

“Well, he cut off everyone, really.” My mouth hang open at the addition. “And you know I’d rather kill than ask my mother for anything.”

Nodding, I took a sip of my wine in the hopes of digesting these news. When I cut ties with my own family shortly after Ransom broke things off with me, I lost all forms of communication with that world - the world of the insanely rich for no reason at all - and threw myself into work instead.

It paid out. I was one of the most successful CEOs of all time, always on the Forbes list and always being contacted by people from my past who wanted something from me.

Which is why I knew exactly what was coming next. “So what do you need?” I asked, twirling my wine like I knew what the hell I was doing. Anything to avoid the awkward eye contact. “You want a job?”

His silence was his telling. It was so rare for Ransom Drysdale to be quiet, it actually managed to catch my attention and I lowered my glass to relent and establish some heavy eye contact.

“No way.” I wasn’t refusing him, I just couldn’t believe it and I knew he could understand it from my tone.

“C’mon, please consider it,” he quietly begged - or as close to that as he allowed himself to do. “Wasn’t it great when we were together?” I leaned my head, conceding him that.

“Still, you want to be my sugar baby?” I made sure to use the correct term, expecting to see him flinch or cringe, but all I got was a serious expression - the first time I ever saw him with that look in his eyes.

“It’ll be almost the same as being friends with benefits,” he tried to reason, to which I giggled.

“Only you get paid for it.” All he could do was nod. It was silent for a moment as I considered his offer, pursing my lips in thought. One thing I couldn’t deny was that the sex had always been great. And it’s not like I had enough time to pursue an actual relationship, anyway.

“Okay,” I accepted, at long last taking a sip of my wine. “But you can’t be with anyone else as long as we keep this… arrangement.” It was the only rule I had for now, and I knew Ransom was aware that this was make it or break it for me.

“I’m assuming you’re not granting me the same exclusivity,” he mused, a smirk in his features. Of course, he knew I was the one-dick-at-a-time kinda gal. Not that much had changed about me, but it was fun to be the one with the upper-hand for once.

“Don’t worry,” I winked, taking another sip of my wine. “I always wear a condom.”

Ransom’s P.O.V.

Capturing her lips in mine, I grunted when I pressed her up against the wall of her bedroom, not quite believing this turn of events. I never expected to get another shot with her, and so I had come to accept that all I’d ever have were my memories of how she felt and how great the sex was when we were together.

But here I was, able to create new memories to relive at some time in the future. Because I wasn’t fooling myself here. I knew she was only doing this out of boredom and pity, mostly because her busy schedule didn’t allow her to actually date.

And of course, I didn’t want to date either. All I wanted was to fuck, and I knew no one could ever bring me more satisfaction than her. That was one thing I was sure of.

My hands seemed to act out of their own need to touch her naked body,  unzipping and undressing - tearing in the process - just to have her completely vulnerable, spread out on the bed for me.

Her taste had always been indescribable. She was the only woman I actually craved to lick, moaning in pleasure at her sweetness as I ate her out with the hunger I had been accumulating for the past years without her.

Her own moans fed my need and despite not wanting to part with her cunt just yet, I accepted the beckoning when she pulled me by the collar of my shirt to climb between her legs and take the item of clothing off.

“I want to ride you,” she whispered as I shivered, and quickly I was the one laid out on her soft sheets, naked as she lowered herself on my achingly hard cock.

As promised, the only intermission was when she stopped to roll down a condom on my member. Then… she fucked herself on me like it was the last time we’d be doing this, and not the first time she’d get to use me for the foreseeable future.

And my God, could she ride. This right here was one of the things I’d missed so much after I broke her heart and let her go. How she didn’t shy away from her own pleasure and accepted the challenge to give it to herself, regardless of whatever contribution I could make to the effort.

“Yeah, baby…” I moaned, panting, gripping her hips to help her keep riding. “Fuck, you look so pretty, fucking yourself on my cock.” When she tilted her head, amused look on her face, I already knew something good was coming.

“I thought you were the baby in the relationship, now.” I laughed, but didn’t get a chance to respond. She took advantage of my open mouth to bury her fingers between my lips and I sucked her digits, unbothered by the drool that was now escaping my mouth.

Yeah, one thing I was sure of: for as long as this arrangement lasted, I would never regret it. How could I, when she entertained and complemented my flirty and lustful behavior so well?

She liked to watch porn with me, sometimes just sitting on my dick and other moments, full-on riding me. She was the type to let me use her whenever I wanted, just as long as I didn’t interrupt whatever the hell she was doing. This meant conference calls were no big deal whenever there was no video because I could just bend her over the table and take her, relieving this fucking arousal she always reignited in me no matter what time of day it was.

Of course, the same went for me. But what I loved about her was that using me for her pleasure could mean either sitting on my face or sucking my soul out of my body when it came to her.

She liked the way I tasted. She’d told me so more than once, but I think for her it was just another way to witness how she affected me, when she managed to get me to cum using only her mouth.

I knew I’d come to regret this arrangement once it was over, but I thought I’d be able to keep that fear at bay by focusing on the fun we had together. What I didn’t anticipate was that each moment shared with her only reinforced that fear, reminding me of why it was that I broke things off with her, why I ran away and forced myself to never look back.

I was rudely awakened from my seemingly perfect reality one afternoon, when I decided to visit her office, finding her going through different files with pictures of handsome men with focused attention.

“What is this?” I picked up one of them, running my eyes over the information. Height, weight, health history… My blood ran cold when I realized what it was, even before she confirmed it.

“Applications for a sperm donor.” My throat ran dry as I let the file in my hands fall back on the table, and still she never raised her gaze to meet mine.

I didn’t know what to say. All I knew was that I didn’t like this feeling at the bottom of my stomach, this overwhelming need to have her in my arms and reassure myself that she was mine - even though she wasn’t.

“… Am I not providing you with enough cum already?” I joked, hoping to ease the tension, praying that she’d look up at me and roll her eyes, explain she was going over this for some friend or something.

When she instead raised her gaze to meet mine and held it with a serious look in her eyes, I knew my fear had caught up to me.

“Why are you doing this?” It slipped from my lips before I could stop it, and now that it was out there, I knew everything else would come out too. Y/N pushed away from the table to stand up, turning her back to me momentarily instead of immediately providing me with an answer.

“Isn’t it obvious?” She asked, staring out her floor-to-ceiling windows, the skyline of the city in plain view for the both of us. “I’m getting older and I know I’m never gonna have the time to pursue a real relationship. I’ve always wanted to be a mom. This seems like the only way of doing this.”

I held my breath, heart beating wildly inside my chest as I took in her figure, imagining it different - hips wider, breasts fuller. A kid on her rounder stomach. And it wouldn’t be because of me.

“Why don’t we have one together?” I watched her freeze in surprise, features unreadable for the seconds it took to get a reaction out of her. When it did come, it wasn’t the one that I was expecting.

“Are you out of your mind?” She laughed, hands covering her belly from how much her body shook with the action. I grinded my teeth, trying not to let it affect me.

“I don’t see how that’s amusing, sweetheart.” My tone left it clear that I was pissed as hell with her, and she stopped laughing at that point, although not for the reason I had wanted.

“I can’t believe you’re being serious.” She shook her head, hands on her hips in incredulity. “I can’t believe you’re that desperate for money, that you’d offer something like this just so I will keep paying you.”

That hurt. I tried not to let it show by scoffing and brushing the comment off of me. I knew I deserved it, so I focused on my goal: showing her that the man she shouldn’t believe wasn’t the one standing before her.

“It’s not for the money,” I said, watching her arms fall at the side of her body in shock. “You were always the one that I wanted.” It was maybe ten years too late, but it was the truth.

Unfortunately, she didn’t seem to believe it - or at least, she wasn’t prepared to accept it. All she did was hum as she turned around to occupy herself with the files once more, like I hadn’t said anything at all to her.

“It’s true,” I insisted, not quite sure of what else I could say to get her to believe me, but much to my surprise, that was the sentence that took her from denial to anger.

“C’mon, Ransom,” she argued, “If it wasn’t for Harlan cutting you off, you would have never gotten in touch with me again.” I nodded, granting her that.

“Yes, but not because I didn’t want you,” I explained. “I wanted you way too much, in fact. More than I have ever wanted anyone in my life.”

And there it was. The truth, at last spread out before our eyes for her to take in. I’d had the time to process it, come to terms with it, so I could accept that she’d need it too. She just had to see that it was in fact the whole truth - the reason why I broke it off with her and the reason I was scared of being with her again.

I wasn’t prepared to feel that much for someone. I wasn’t prepared to give myself to someone in the way true love required. But what I had come to learn in our time apart and the moments we shared since we started this arrangement was that it happened anyway.

I gave myself to her because I still loved her deeply and I knew I always would. So I was prepared to finally relish in the benefits of my reality, instead of continuously suffering in my avoidance.

“Why are you telling me this now?” She asked, and hope started to fill my lungs, spreading over my chest and reaching parts of me I had forgotten about. It made me take a step closer to her, almost reaching out to take her in my arms.

“Would you have believed me if I told you before?” I knew I’d caught her there. I was too much of a player, too out of touch with my own feelings the last time we were together. And even though I liked to think not much had changed, it was clear that it had. I’d changed as much internally as my life changed after Harlan broke the news about cutting me off the will.

“I want to be alone,” she suddenly broke me out of my thoughts, turning her back to me and focusing on her desk once more. For a second, I thought that was it. I thought I had lost her. But the thought had me so distressed it quickly became an angry determination to make her believe me and give me another chance.

“Well, I don’t want to leave you,” I declared, hands over my hips when she turned around to stare at me in incredulity. For a few minutes we remained there, facing each other, waiting for the other to break.

“I can’t believe you want me for more than my body and money,” she finally broke the connection, looking at her own feet when she crossed her arms. I could hear the hurt in her voice, and I could feel it in my heart as I was once again forced to confront my own mistakes and how they affected her.

But I wasn’t about to give up now.

“It’s alright, I’ll show you,” I assured her, pulling her close so I could capture her lips in a bruising kiss. My hands roamed over the expanse of her back before they went to her ass until finally, I reached the hem of her skirt, pulling it up to her hips.

“Goddamn it, you’re a stubborn idiot,” she complained once I parted from her lips to catch my breath, but ever her own voice held a tone of amusement while I laughed.

“And I’m about to breed you, so you better get used to the idea of raising another stubborn idiot.” I felt her muscles freezing underneath my touch, the reality of my intentions shocking her even after everything I said. I just took advantage of her lowering her defenses to turn her around and shove her down against her table, my fingers already rubbing the slit between her thighs to find her wet and ready.

“Not wearing any underwear, huh?” I teased, leaning over her to brush a kiss against the shell of her ear while my hands worked on ridding me of my slacks.

The way we fit together could never compare to anything else in this world. I didn’t know how I was able to live so long without her pussy clenching around me, pretending I didn’t know what heaven felt like - but it did explain why I was so hungry in my pursuit of other women, why as much as I fucked I could never really feel satisfied.

They weren’t her, and therefore, they would never be able to make me happy. And I knew I made her happy, her moans assured me as much when they escaped her perfect lips to take over the office room she spent most of her days in.

“I’d try to keep quiet if I were you, baby. You wouldn’t want your staff to know how much of a whore you are, huh?” I teased, smirking at how ruined she looked like, with the side of her face resting against he desk. “Getting filled in your own damn office, right where you take so many meetings in. If only they knew how perfect you feel when I fuck you like this.”

She couldn’t hide from this anymore. She couldn’t hide from me. And she knew it, which was why she whined as she felt her orgasm approach with my continuous thrusting.

“Hold it, sweetheart,” I asked, trailing my fingers down her back. “Beg me for my cum. Beg me to breed you.” She hesitated for just a second before throwing her pride away and relenting.

“Please, cum inside of me,” she pleaded, voice small but firm. “I-I want to feel you filling me up.” That did it for me. As I reached my peak and came deep inside of her, my fingers met her nub so she’d join me in the paradise I could only ever enter when she was in my arms, groaning in satisfaction when I felt her sweet, tight pussy clenching my dick.

“You stay right there,” I ordered, keeping my hand on her back so she wouldn’t waste any of my cum by trying to leave. But she didn’t. She just stood there while I caressed her skin, smiling softly at the woman I loved, knowing from now on, she’d be mine.

“You know this means you’ll become my trophy boyfriend, right?” She mulled at some point, making me chuckle.

“I hope it means I’ll become your trophy husband eventually, baby.”

[nugnthopkns]

dance me to the end of love (ii)

word count: 3.3k

warnings: fem!oc, alcohol consumption, cursing

series masterpost: here

a/n: part two baby! thanks for all the love on part one, it means the absolute world. i have so much love for this story and i hope people are enjoying it :))

Life is settling into a comfortable rhythm.

After spending a good chunk of her young adult life being incredibly studious, Magdalene can finally have the social life of someone in their mid-twenties. Though she’s still spending a fair amount of time by herself in the basements of the University of Denver’s library, Bette convinces her to go out more. Magdalene tries to fight, citing extra work or a good book as an excuse to stay home, but it doesn’t work very often. The pleas of her friend are how Magdalene finds herself currently lounging poolside at Erik Johnson’s house on a Sunday afternoon.

“How’s the new career treating you?” Tyson asks. “I feel like we haven’t seen you in a while.”

Magdalene laughs. “I’ve seen Bette plenty,” she says, “She thinks I won’t take a lunch break unless she shows up.”

“Would you?” the blonde girl questions with a quirked brow.

“Probably not.”

“I rest my case.”

A small crowd gathers around as Magdalene begins to detail the specifics of her job, but she doesn’t feel as uncomfortable as she once would have. In the month or so since graduating school she’s found herself slowly being incorporated into the Avalanche family. It’s almost certainly because Bette and Tyson championed her case, explaining that she doesn’t have much of a support system beyond the two of them, but she doesn’t mind. A few of the guys ask her questions about her work, curious as to why someone would want to spend their life combing through piles of old things. Everyone stays engaged in the conversation until there’s a shout from the kitchen that dinner is ready.

Magdalene shuffles in line behind André, filling her plate with various pasta salads and a hamburger. Once situated with enough food for two meals she returns to the pool deck, sitting on the edge and dipping her toes into the cool water. Bette comes and finds her a minute later and the two of them begin to eat.

She’s still relatively new to the group’s dynamic, but Magdalene can’t help but notice that Ryan is never around. In fact, Magdalene hasn’t seen him since her graduation party. Taking a casual sip of her wine cooler, she asks her friend about the man’s absence.

“Why is Ryan never at these sorts of things?”

Bette shrugs. “Isn’t a huge one for parties. He was supposed to come today, but I guess something came up.”

“I’m not huge on parties,” Magdalene huffs, “But that doesn’t stop you from dragging me to every single one.”

“Unlike you, Gravy gets enough regular social interaction that his absence is permissible. If Tyson and I didn’t take you out you’d talk to your cat more than normal.”

She wants to fight back, but knows it’s pointless. Bette has a point – if it weren’t for her the only people Magdalene would interact with are her boss and her cat. Instead, she grumbles under her breath and changes the subject to the trip Bette is in the middle of planning. It’s coming up in a few weeks, and Magdalene wants to hear a bit more about it before she commits. Despite what she thought about taking time off so close to starting work, it was encouraged by June, but she's refraining from telling Bette that. If it doesn’t sound like she'll enjoy it, Magdalene is banking on being able to use the excuse.

Bette explains that she’s renting a large lake house that is perfect for a relaxing week away from adult responsibilities. The property has kayaks and a hot tub, which pretty much ensures that Magdalene will want to be in attendance. She’ll hold onto that information for a little while longer though, if for no other reason to make Bette squirm a little. At some point Tyson comes to sweep his girlfriend away and leaves Magdalene at the party alone. She makes polite conversation with some other players for a while before heading home herself. Ryan never shows up, despite how much Magdalene hopes he will. At the very least she wants to properly thank him for doing her a favour, though her hoping to see him is much more selfish. He intrigues her and she wants to know more about the tall man with the dazzling smile and a proclivity for wearing all black.

☼☼☼☼

Barn Owl Book Company is filled to the brim when Magdalene approaches the store from the side street it annexes. She should’ve expected it – it’s the first of the month and their newest books are hitting the shelves. However, Magdalene doesn’t exactly have time to wait in line. June gave her only fifteen minutes to run and grab them coffee before they continue the massive task of digitizing a private collection that has just been donated to the university. She estimates it will take almost a month of extended hours to get everything done, and Magdalene believes it. There’s so much to wade through but she knows the end result will be satisfying.

Luckily the café line is fairly short, and Magdalene reaches the counter in a timely manner. “Hey,” she greets the barista warmly, “Could I just grab two medium iced cappuccinos?”

“Anything else?”

“No, that's everything. It’ll be on debit,” she smiles. Magdalene reaches into her backpack to grab her wallet only to find that it’s missing. Shit. The barista has already left to make the drinks, completely unaware that her customer is unable to pay.

Magdalene hears a voice from behind her say, “I’ve got it, don’t worry.” She turns around to find Ryan Graves standing there with a book tucked under his right arm.

“You’re a lifesaver,” she mumbles appreciatively. “I don’t know how my boss would take it if I showed up empty handed.”

Ryan laughs shyly as he pulls his card away from the machine. “I get it, everyone needs a little caffeine this time of year.” The barista comes back with Magdalene’s drinks, which she takes with a smile and a wish for a good day. The two of them head towards the exit, and Ryan pauses once they’re on the sidewalk. “Which way are you headed?”

“Back to work,” Magdalene says, nodding her head in the direction of campus. “I’ve got approximately five minutes to get there before June rips me a new one.”

“June?”

“She’s my boss,” she explains.

Ryan nods in understanding. “I’ll see you around Magdalene,” he smiles, turning on his heel and heading the opposite direction.

In a moment of bravery, Magdalene yells at his retreating figure. “Will you? We never seem to cross paths.”

“I’ll be at Bette and Tyson’s this weekend, and I’m counting on your company.”

Magdalene finds it incredibly hard to focus the rest of the afternoon. She keeps thinking about what Ryan said, which makes her a rather lousy archivist. June sends her home just after seven even though they had plans to stay until ten, citing the fact that she’s scanned the same photo three times before noticing. Caligula’s meowing for pets when she gets home isn’t even enough to distract her from the comment. The absentmindedness continues for another day or so, and it’s becoming so bad Magdalene is worried that June is going to fire her for incompetence.

It’s only when Bette calls to invite her over for dinner and drinks that her mind levels out. “I was wondering when I was going to get the call,” she chuckles absentmindedly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” is the response Magdalene receives.

“Well,” she explains, “I ran into Ryan at Barn Owl the other day and he paid for my drinks because I left my wallet on the table at work, and he said he expected to see me at your place this weekend. So if you never invited me I was just going to show up.”

Bette is smiling, that much Magdalene can infer by the lull in conversation. “I haven’t got the time to call you yet,” she concedes, “But consider this the official invitation to our house for a small party.”

“Anything we’re celebrating?”

“Nope. Have you ever needed a reason to party?”

Magdalene laughs. “Yes. Need one almost every time actually.”

The rest of the week passes fairly quickly. To make up for her blundering earlier in the week Magdalene offers to work a full day on Saturday, by herself, to get the project back on track. June accepts the proposition eagerly, and Magdalene lets Bette know she’ll be coming directly from work. Saturday rolls around and she spends most of her time getting lost in the past lives of the artefacts she’s dealing with. If someone were to ask Magdalene what her favourite part of archiving is, that’s the answer she’d give. There’s nothing more satisfying to her than holding a piece of history in her hands and imagining all the stories it would be able to tell if it could speak.

By the time she’s put in a full work day and finishes locking up the basement floor her department occupies, Magdalene is pretty sure they’re ahead of schedule on the project. She genuinely feels terrible about her misperformance and hopes June will be able to forgive her. On the way to Bette and Tyson’s Magdalene listens to the Leonard Cohen greatest hits cd that came with her car. The previous owner was presumably a big fan, and over the years Magdalene has come to appreciate the folk singer. She never got to see him in concert before his death but turns to his music when she needs to relax. Right now is the perfect time to listen to ‘Hallelujah’ on repeat because she’s seriously freaking out about the idea of spending the night talking to Ryan. Though she still wants to properly thank him and possibly become friends, something about him makes Magdalene nervous.

There’s no way for her to tell if Ryan is there when she parks in front of the house. She doesn’t know what kind of car he drives, or if he caught a ride with someone. Magdalene debates texting Bette to see if he’s there already but decides against it, knowing she’s an adult who is more than capable of pushing down nerves.

She doesn’t bother knocking and just steps into the respectably sized home. The music is loud enough that no one would have heard her anyways. It’s much more of a party than Magdalene was expecting – Bette invited her for dinner and drinks, not a gathering that could pass as a frat party. There are bodies everywhere, and she isn’t sure if she’ll ever catch a glimpse of her friend.

“You seem to be dressed for the wrong kind of party,” a voice chuckles from behind her.

Magdalene turns to see Ryan leaning against the wall, eyeing her business casual attire. “I came from work,” she explains, “And didn’t know it was this kind of party to begin with. I would’ve at least brought a change of clothes.”

“You look terribly out of place,” he agrees. “Can I grab you a drink? The hosts are too busy playing beer pong to, you know, be hosts.”

A giggle escapes Magdalene’s lips at the comment. Ryan seems to have a similar sense of humor to her, which will be beneficial for passing the time if Bette is already on her way to being wasted. “A glass of red wine would be nice.”

Ryan pushes off from his perch and heads towards the kitchen. The crowd parts for the six-foot-five hockey player, and Magdalene follows in his wake quite easily. Knowing the space as well as her, Ryan grabs a wine glass from the cupboard Bette keeps them in and pours the dark red liquid into it. He waits until Magdalene has situated herself on the island before handing her the cup. She takes it with an appreciative hum and waits until he’s grabbed a beer for himself before raising her glass in toast. Ryan does the same, and their glasses clink before each of them take a sip.

“What exactly is it that you do? I bet it’s something super cool and studious, but I seriously don’t know what the hell being an archivist means.”

Magdalene explains her job to Ryan, who is extremely interested. He asks nearly a hundred follow-up questions that she answers sincerely, throwing in a few jokes that luckily crack him up. Conversation moves to his career and then life. Magdalene learns that he’s from Nova Scotia, though he stays around Denver these days, and that if he wasn’t playing professional hockey he’d like to have a career in publishing. Ryan doesn’t press too hard when Magdalene refuses to open up about her family, which she appreciates. It’s a delicate subject that she keeps guarded close to her chest, and a friend’s kitchen in the middle of a party isn’t the place for her to divulge her deepest secrets.

The two of them get refills before exiting the room. Even more people seemed to arrive since Magdalene walked through the door, and the kitchen is no longer an empty safe haven. The music is so loud she can feel the bass thumping in her chest, giving the living room a club-like atmosphere, and it’s too much. Magdalene tugs at the hem of Ryan’s sweater to catch his attention. “Want to go somewhere quiet?”

“I doubt there is such a place,” he yells over the crowd going crazy over some early 2000s hip-hop track.

“Follow me,” she says with a smile, pointing over her shoulder in the direction of the staircase to the second floor.

It takes a minute for them to wade through the throngs of people, but it goes much faster once Ryan takes Magdalene’s hand and splits the crowd. A few boys, who don’t look older than twenty-one and almost certainly snuck into the party, notice where the pair are going and shout congratulations. Ryan shoots them a glare so sharp it could cut stone but doesn’t drop Magdalene’s hand. Once safely on the much quieter second floor, Magdalene makes a beeline for the bathroom.

“Are you coming or what?” she asks when there doesn’t seem to be footsteps following her.

Ryan hesitates. “I, uh, can just wait out here while you’re in there,” he stammers.

Magdalene’s laugh rings out through the empty hallway. “I’m not going to the bathroom. We’re going out the window.”

He isn’t sure how that’s any better, but Ryan follows the brown-haired girl into the room. It takes considerably more work for him to fit through the frame, but after some directions from Magdalene he makes it onto the roof. She sits down and pats the space beside her, encouraging Ryan to do the same. They stay out there, discussing anything that comes to their heads, until the party’s numbers dwindle drastically. Magdalene makes sure to properly thank him for both attending her graduation and spotting her coffee money, and she thinks Ryan might blush a little when she offers to get the next round. He asks about her love of The West Wing, and they launch into a long conversation about the show and cast. The sun fades to black and the cold sets in, and Magdalene finds herself wrapped in Ryan’s sweater without asking. It’s only when she notices it’s approaching midnight that Magdalene clues into how tired she is.

“I think I’m going to head out,” she yawns. Ryan nods in agreement and holds the window open for her to slip in through. Once downstairs, Magdalene goes to lift the sweater from her frame but Ryan stops her.

“Keep it for drive home. I’ll get it back next time we see each other.”

Still feeling bold from the alcohol that left her system hours ago, she reaches out to poke him in the chest. “And when will that be, hm? You seem to enjoy leaving our meetings up to chance.”

It’s Ryan’s turn to laugh. “Think you can swing an extended lunch break on Wednesday? I’ll be at Barn Owl all afternoon. Maybe you can join me for a coffee.”

Magdalene likes the sound of that and agrees. She leaves without seeing Bette or Tyson once, but she doesn’t mind. They’d be happy for her blooming friendship – or at least she’s pretty sure they will be once she calls to fill them in on the details.

☼☼☼☼

Wednesday rolls around without incident, and Magdalene is given a full hour to eat instead of thirty minutes. Walking time has to be accounted for, of course, but she should have nearly forty-five minutes to spend with Ryan if she plays her cards right. There’s no crowd this time, and it’s incredibly easy to spot Ryan sitting in the window she loves to claim as her own.

“Hey,” Magdalene greets, “Did Bette tell you to sit here?”

He shakes his head, perplexed at the question. “No, why?”

“It’s just my favourite seat in the store, that’s all. I thought she told you how to gain some extra brownie points.”

“Should I be concerned about the amount of points I have?” Ryan teases, sliding a cup and pastry bag across the table and into her hands.

Magdalene shakes her head, smiling widely. “You’re doing alright so far. Keep up the good work.”

They eat at a comfortable pace, taking breaks to engage in interesting topics of conversation or take sips of their drinks. Ryan insists his life is boring, but Magdalene is enthralled by the stories he tells. It’s completely different from hers and she feels as though she can live vicariously through the tales of walking through the historic downs of the east coast and swimming in the Pacific Ocean on days off in California. After squeezing every story possible from the man Magdalene shifts gears slightly.

“So, are you going on the trip in a couple of weeks?”

“It’s looking that way,” Ryan shrugs with relative indifference, “Nate doesn’t think he’ll be able to come back, something about a development camp he’s running having the dates switched. He’s asked me to take his spot.”

His neutral mood confuses her. When Bette mentioned his probable attendance months ago, it sounded like he was enthusiastic about spending a week with friends doing nothing to swimming and drinking. “You don’t want to go?” Magdalene probes.

“It’s not that I don’t want to, but sometimes the group parties a little harder than I like to,” he sighs, raising a hand and running it through his hair. That’s something she understands completely, having spent a few too many nights being the sober one out.

“I’ll be there.” It’s Magdalene’s turn to shrug, but the comment holds an incredible amount of hope.

“Well then, that changes everything.”

Was Ryan flirting with her? She spends the rest of lunch thinking about the possibility, and truthfully, it occupies her brain for the rest of the day. However, she keeps her focus and June is none the wiser to the butterflies in her stomach. Work finishes without much fanfare, and her dinner is silent save for the few meows of conversation Caligula offers. It’s late by the time Magdalene falls into bed, cat snuggled into the pillow beside her. On a whim she decides to check Instagram and sees a message request from none other than the man who’s smile has been replaying in her mind. A follow request accompanies it.

Thought that maybe we could quit leaving our meetings to chance and plan something next time :)

He has to be flirting. There’s no other explanation for the witty banter they’ve shared this week, or why he’s reaching out to her on social media. The butterflies in her stomach multiply tenfold as Magdalene types out a reply.

I don’t know, it’s kind of fun being shrouded in mystery. However, I now have the opportunity to stalk your profile ;)

Before she can overthink her use of the emoji, Magdalene shoves her phone in the drawer of her nightstand and rolls over. A slight smile can’t help but appear on her features as she falls asleep, already curious about what his reply will be.

☼☼☼☼

taglist: @scrunchmakar @marcoscandellas @toplinetommy @samsteel @lovethepreds (add yourself to the taglist!)

[becomewings]

The Most Beautiful Moment in Life <I’M FINE>

    BTS Universe Story Highlights, pt. 2 / 4

« pt. 1  |  » pt. 3

Introduction

JungKook’s and YoonGi’s stories are the first of the paid content in BTS Universe Story and are substantially more detailed than the episodes covered in part 1. As this led to longer summaries (4.2k and 3k), I have added “tl;dr commentary” at the bottom of the post after a section of additional thoughts. This commentary summarizes the parenthetical asides I made throughout the summaries and may be of interest as standalone reading to those who have already played the game yet would like to review its connections to the BU texts and MVs.

Content warning: contains references to death, suicide, suicidal ideation, child abuse, domestic violence, blood, homicide, depression, trauma, PTSD

This guide contains major spoilers and includes references to other BU media

Do not repost, copy, or quote without permission

The Boy on the Threshold

In this story, SeokJin works to uncover the motivations behind JungKook’s nightly street wandering, instigation of fights with thugs, and decision to jump from the roof of a construction site. He was aware of the “darkness” within JungKook but never thought that he would give up on himself. SeokJin is determined to find a way to make JungKook think “I want to live” on his own.

In the afternoon on 11 April Year 22, SeokJin drives by the crosswalk outside Songju Jeil High School. Spotting a grim-faced JungKook, he gets out to greet him. JungKook visibly brightens and pelts him with question after question, finally finishing with, “But how come you’re here at school?” If the player chooses the response “I came to see you” rather than “I was in the neighborhood,” JungKook seems a little disbelieving due to the coincidental timing but nevertheless pleased. SeokJin offers him a ride, thinking that JungKook will not carry out that night’s actions from previous loops if he gets home right away. In the car, SeokJin reminisces aloud about the day they all met. On 3 March Year 19, all seven boys arrived late on the first day at Songju Jeil High School and were scolded outside by the Dean. (Aside from the absence of extra students, this scene looks very similar to the BTS Begins Middle Scene VCR, including the detail of YoonGi arriving last. This VCR predates official BU content.) When the Dean spotted SeokJin in their lineup, he reduced their punishment of community service for one month to just that afternoon. After classes, the boys cleaned the annex. The old classroom-turned-storage room became their secret hideout where they enjoyed various activities like dancing, playing the piano, and spending time with one another. JungKook appears happy as they chat about their school days, although in one path, his face falls after he remembers when he and YoonGi were caught in the annex. SeokJin is concerned, but JungKook insists, “It’s nothing.”

They say goodbye outside JungKook’s house, but SeokJin watches to make sure he goes inside. JungKook hesitates before ringing the bell at the gate. His mom answers, surprised and at a loss by his unexpected arrival. She asks him to come back later because his father’s relatives stopped by, and the intercom cuts off before he can answer. (His mother remarried, so this is really his step-father and family.) SeokJin wonders if JungKook has no one to lean on at school or at home and if this is why he wanders the streets at night. He asks JungKook where he wants to go now. “The beach… the one I went to with you guys,” JungKook answers, then says he’s kidding when SeokJin hesitates, thinking about the night ahead. SeokJin invites JungKook home instead, hoping to keep an eye on him before he needs to save NamJoon at the gas station.

In his bedroom, SeokJin hastily takes down the map and notes pinned on the wall of the boys’ incidents around the city. After letting JungKook inside, he shows him a box of photos from their time together in school. While JungKook browses, a notification on SeokJin’s phone reminds him of Songho Foundation’s inaugural ceremony that evening. Songho Foundation is a scholarship foundation funded by his maternal grandmother’s estate, and his father formally introduces him on this occasion. SeokJin also receives a call from his father’s long-time aide, a man he refers to as Uncle JunHo, who instructs him not to be late to the ceremony. Claiming it won’t take him long, SeokJin asks JungKook to stay there and wait for him to return. He is worried about leaving JungKook alone but also concerned that bringing him to the gas station after the ceremony will make him late to intervening in NamJoon’s incident.

In the lobby of the hotel hosting the Songho Foundation Inauguration Ceremony, SeokJin recognizes many important faces from around the city: Song JunHo, his father’s aide; Seo HyunJung, the city’s deputy mayor; the CEO of Youngjin Engineering & Construction Company; a professor from Munhyeon University; and the Jeil High School principal, Jo JinMyung. SeokJin doesn’t want to cross paths with the principal but is drawn into a conversation with him, the mayor, and his father, Kim ChangJun. “Assemblyman! Congratulations on the launch of the scholarship foundation,” Deputy Mayor Seo says to Kim ChangJun. “I hear that your son has been accepted to Munhyeon University? You must be happy that he’s attending your alma mater.” Kim ChangJun shakes his head. “He still has a lot to learn.” She remarks that everyone knows how well SeokJin has grown up and inquires about his career plans. The player is presented with three choices: “I haven’t decided yet,” “I want to become a good person,” and “I want to become someone like my father.” SeokJin’s father continues to look grim while the others chuckle in response to the first two answers, but his expression softens at the third, which SeokJin knew would not rub him the wrong way. Deputy Mayor Seo proposes to Assemblyman Kim that they establish a regular meeting to discuss community development, mentioning that it would be better if he could invite the city’s prominent citizens and give a speech. Assemblyman Kim agrees, telling his assistant Song JunHo to make note of it. The ceremony concludes, and the guests head towards the hotel’s restaurant. SeokJin is wary of his father’s watchful gaze but impatient to carry out the rest of the night’s plans. While his father is surrounded by other people, he informs Uncle JunHo that he has to leave to work on a group project. SeokJin slips out of the hotel and heads to NamJoon’s gas station.

While SeokJin is gone, one of the photos in the box catches JungKook’s eye. It shows the seven boys sitting on a wall with the ocean behind them. (This photo resembles the shot in Euphoria at 5’32” except that they appear to be wearing school uniform shirts and slacks.) A flashback retells the afternoon of 12 June Year 19 when the boys cut school early and visited the sea, trudging over 3 kilometers under the scorching sun to find a boulder that is rumored to make your dreams come true. (The date is not specified in the game, but the memory closely follows this set of entries in The Notes 1.) Everyone collapses in disappointment when they can’t find the rock at its designated location. JungKook is tired but not as disappointed as the others—just walking there with them is enough for him, even though he often feels uncertain of his place among the group. He gets up on the pier railing, reflecting: “I’ve always liked walking on the edge of walls or on top of lines. Focusing on centering my gravity means that I don’t really think of anything else, and the boundary—not quite a part of either place—always felt like where I should be.” Balancing precariously, JungKook walks until someone grabs his arm. YoonGi scolds him not to do this. JungKook assures him that he will not fall but privately thinks: “YoonGi would often grab my arm when I walked on railings. The others would look after me, too, after seeing him do that. I liked their helping hands. It felt like they were telling me that I should go to them. That this wasn’t my place. Maybe their hands were why I walked on the railings.”

The story returns to the present in SeokJin’s perspective. He rushes back to his room after saving NamJoon and finds JungKook asleep, leaning against the bed with the photos still scattered around him. Feeling both relief and regret, SeokJin quietly coaxes JungKook to lay down and sleep more comfortably. JungKook wakes up and says he should go home after hearing that it’s past ten o’clock. The game cuts briefly to SeokJin’s father in his study with his aide. Kim ChangJun asks Song JunHo to fetch SeokJin, as he needs to know what goes on for the foundation. JunHo says that SeokJin must be entertaining a guest for the group project because he spotted an unfamiliar pair of shoes in the entryway.

Back in his bedroom, SeokJin is startled when his father knocks on the door. It’s rare for his father to visit the second floor of their home, so he let his guard down while chatting with JungKook. “F-Father.” Stammering, SeokJin flinches and gathers up the scattered photos. “Did you leave the ceremony early to waste time like this? Even lying to say you were doing a school project?” asks Kim ChangJun. His cold and reproachful stare suffocates SeokJin. When his father’s eyes scan to JungKook standing awkwardly at the side, SeokJin is plunged into a childhood memory. On 10 October Year 9, 9-year-old SeokJin hid a school friend who was being chased by scary men in his bedroom. His father arrived and asked if the boy was Mr. Choi’s son, saying people had come to take him. When Kim ChangJun ordered him to “be a good boy,” SeokJin froze and was powerless to stop his friend from being handed over. The following day, SeokJin was told his friend transferred schools. (This event is also depicted as the first entry of The Notes 1.) In the present, SeokJin struggles to think of an explanation, smothered by that memory and his father’s pressuring stare. JungKook timidly speaks up. “I was only here to visit for a short while. I was actually about to head home. Hey, I’ll go now.” SeokJin knows he can’t leave him alone yet and finally forces himself to move. “Father, I… I’m going to go out for a little while.” He runs outside, but JungKook is already gone.

The story cuts to JungKook’s perspective as he arrives in a familiar alleyway. He is thankful that SeokJin was so considerate to him but feels that he shouldn’t have gone to his home since it made things more complicated for his friend. “YoonGi even got expelled because of me… Why do I always mess things up for the people around me?” JungKook thinks. The player is presented the choice to either text SeokJin or call YoonGi. In the first path, SeokJin calls JungKook while he is mid-text and says that he’ll come pick him up, but JungKook declines, thanks him, and hangs up. In the second path, JungKook fiddles with his phone, wondering if YoonGi will be annoyed or even answer. He remembers when they crossed paths a few days earlier. On 7 April Year 22, JungKook heard a familiar tune while roaming the dark streets and saw YoonGi playing piano through a broken window of a music shop. YoonGi stopped and eventually staggered out of the shop without noticing JungKook reaching out to him. JungKook tried to play the music by memory, and suddenly YoonGi returned—just like their days at the classroom. (Note: In his 7 April Year 22 entry of The Notes 1, YoonGi is drunk and stumbling by an empty construction site when he recognizes a clumsy piano tune that he’d been playing “not long ago.” But when he runs to the music shop and finds JungKook, the text does not indicate that he remembers this is his second visit to the shop this evening. Additionally, the Wings short film First Love seems to reference some of the events of this night—or evokes YoonGi’s distorted memories of it, mingled with a representation of JungKook’s later accident.)

In the present (11 April), JungKook wonders if YoonGi is doing well. He has thought about him since their chance encounter but doesn’t have the courage to call him first. (The narrative paths rejoin here.) JungKook wonders where he should go now yet doesn’t want to think about anything. He stops in the middle of the road, and a passing car’s headlights make him dizzy. SeokJin arrives in the distance and shouts his name, but JungKook just thinks, “One more step from here. Just one more step, and everything ends.” He steps in front of the honking car. SeokJin calls him in the distance, and JungKook feels everything slip farther away. The glass shatters and the loop resets.

Awakening once more on the morning of 11 April, SeokJin vows to protect JungKook until the end. The memory of arriving too late as JungKook threw himself in front of the car reminds him of how he was also unable to protect his childhood friend when he was 9. He needs to devise a new plan, since JungKook practically ran out of the house when confronted by Kim ChangJun. The story cuts to that evening, with JungKook looking at the photo in SeokJin’s bedroom. This time, SeokJin ignores his phone’s buzzing reminder about Songho Foundation’s inaugural ceremony. He asks JungKook where he’d like to get next and, when he doesn’t have any ideas, offers him a tour of the university campus.

JungKook seems happier looking around the campus, the cherry blossoms in full bloom. SeokJin uses this opportunity to ask him if anything is on his mind and if school is going well. JungKook answers nonchalantly, but SeokJin remembers how grim he looked at the school crosswalk that afternoon. He asks if JungKook still hangs out with the other guys. “HoSeok and TaeHyung are working part-time jobs. The others… I’m not sure,” JungKook answers, expression darkening. SeokJin wonders if he shouldn’t have brought it up but still presses him. “How come? You should talk to them from time to time.” “But it’s because of me,” says JungKook. “The reason why YoonGi was expelled… It was because he was trying to protect me.” 

SeokJin either responds “It’s not your fault” or “Don’t think that way.” Following the first choice, JungKook insists, “No, it’s my fault. YoonGi wouldn’t have talked back to the teacher if I wasn’t there.” SeokJin shakes his head. “No, you couldn’t really do anything given the situation.” JungKook replies that he should have at least apologized and that he never had the chance to tell YoonGi he was sorry. “That’s how you felt, huh… I should’ve done more. I’m sorry,” SeokJin apologizes. JungKook shakes his head with a smile, but SeokJin knows that he doesn’t understand what he really meant. (Per events in The Notes 1, it is technically SeokJin’s fault that the teacher found them in the classroom.) If the second dialogue choice, “Don’t think that way,” is chosen, JungKook questions, “How could I? When it was because of me.” “No…” SeokJin is not brave enough to say that he’s the one to blame. The camera (i.e. the animation) starts wobbling as though SeokJin’s vision is swimming. “SeokJin?” asks JungKook in concern. “I should’ve done more. I’m sorry.” The episode ends with the same dialogue and animation of JungKook shaking his head with a smile, except that in the second path the camera is still wobbling from SeokJin’s perspective. (This is the only episode I noted in the game that has a slight difference in endings based on the player’s final choice, although it is essentially cosmetic.)

Episode 5 opens with a more detailed memory of 11 June Year 20 from JungKook’s perspective. The high school was holding an open house for parents. Not wanting to stay in a classroom, he wandered off and heard piano music drifting from the annex. JungKook slipped into their classroom hideout and settled down to listen. YoonGi continued to play without acknowledging him. The music helped calm JungKook—it seemed as though YoonGi understood how he felt and was trying to console him. The sound cut off abruptly as the door slammed open. “You rascals! What are you doing here?!” the Dean of Students demanded. He slapped JungKook, knocking him down. A flurry of verbal abuse poured over his crumpled form. YoonGi shoved the teacher’s shoulder and stepped in front of JungKook. “Wow, look at this kid… You put your hands on a teacher? You better be prepared, Min YoonGi.” With that ominous threat, the Dean departed. JungKook spoke from the floor. “Hey, sorry for making you—” “It’s nothing,” YoonGi cut in. JungKook wondered why he helped him. It was the first time someone had protected him, and he believed that he would never forget the view of YoonGi’s back. YoonGi asked why JungKook was smiling. “I don’t know.” Still smiling, JungKook touched his throbbing cheek. YoonGi stared at him before breaking into his own smile and sitting down next to him. They sat there wordlessly for some time. The feeling of growing closer to YoonGi made JungKook feel giddy the rest of the day. But YoonGi did not come to school the following day, and two weeks later, he was formally expelled. (The encounter with the teacher and YoonGi’s subsequent expulsion are also referenced in JungKook and YoonGi’s 25 June Year 20 entries in The Notes 1.)

In a brief interlude in the present (11 April at the university campus), SeokJin reflects again that he does not have the courage to confess to JungKook the real reason why they drifted apart. He walks with his eyes trained on the ground until JungKook calls for him to look at the cherry blossoms floating in the wind. The scene cuts to 30 September Year 20 for another of JungKook’s school memories. He stood outside the school’s annex, reflecting that his friends probably didn’t know that he went there every day. Although school was a place he found awkward and unfamiliar, their hideout was a space for him that put him at ease. On that day however, only HoSeok was inside the classroom, gathering up the items they’d left behind. JungKook realized that the time they spent together was now a memory and would never return again. (This is also an entry in The Notes 1.) Back in the present, SeokJin notices that JungKook looks grim once more and tries to improve his mood by asking if they should go to the beach. JungKook privately wonders: “Do you think YoonGi would go? And no one knows what’s going on with JiMin. Will we really be able to go together like we did then?” Holding up his pink camera, SeokJin says they should take a picture to commemorate the evening. They’re both smiling in the photo, and he hopes that they’ll all smile together again one day. After their campus tour, SeokJin walks JungKook home, ignoring the many calls he receives from his father’s assistant JunHo.

At the crosswalk outside the high school the next day (12 April), SeokJin reflects that staying with JungKook instead of attending the inauguration ceremony seemed like a good choice. He prevented JungKook from jumping off the building and stopped NamJoon’s incident too. But SeokJin wants to keep an eye on JungKook for a few days. While he’s waiting, the principal Jo JinMyung approaches and greets him, asking what brings him to the school. SeokJin tries to excuse himself, but the principal brings up the ceremony. “I thought you’d be there, but you weren’t. Did something happen? Why weren’t you there?” Caught off guard, SeokJin either answers vaguely (“I had something important to do”) or honestly (“A friend had an emergency and I couldn’t attend”). JungKook joins them slowly during the exchange, and the principal seems a little suspicious regardless of the player’s choice. In the “honest” path, he adds, “Next time, think about what's truly important before acting.” The paths rejoin when the principal smiles pointedly and mentions that he should call the Assemblyman soon. SeokJin wonders if Jo JinMyung intends to tell his father that he was with JungKook. Kim ChangJun did not approve of the time SeokJin spent with his friends even in school. “Father thinks it’s useless to have human relationships that don’t help you succeed.” When he and JungKook are in his car, SeokJin notices that the principal ominously watches them pull away.

Later that day, SeokJin meets with his father in his office. Kim ChangJun looks exhausted. Though they’re similar heights, to his son he seems like a massive grey wall. “Why didn’t you attend the inauguration ceremony yesterday?” he asks. SeokJin either lies (“A professor asked me to do something last minute”) or answers honestly (“A friend had an emergency and I couldn’t attend”). The ultimate result is the same: Kim ChangJun speaks after a long moment of silence. “The one thing I want from you is for you to be a good son.” “Yes,” says SeokJin. “I don’t think it’s a difficult task. You may leave.” As he exits, SeokJin hears him call Song JunHo and worries that his flimsy excuse will fall apart. Running into the principal may have made matters worse too. Despite his uneasiness, SeokJin has no choice but to keep going and trust that everything will work out. While NamJoon and JungKook are safe for now, he wonders if he can be a person for JungKook to lean on for comfort whenever he needs it so that he will not resort to such an extreme decision again.

SeokJin visits JungKook after school every afternoon the following days. On 15 April, JungKook asks if it’s okay for him to come like this every day. SeokJin assures him, “Yeah. I come to see you because I want to.” He observes that JungKook still seems to take social cues from him rather than acting comfortably, so he encourages him to either pick what they do next or where they should go eat. On 19 April, however, JungKook does not appear at the school gates. SeokJin tries calling him, only to learn that the number isn’t in service. Someone shouts his name, and HoSeok emerges from the Twostar Burger across from the school. “I had heard you were back, but I didn’t think I’d see you here in front of the school.” HoSeok digs a piece of paper out of his pocket, explaining that JungKook stopped by earlier. “He said he’s switching schools.” SeokJin asks where, but HoSeok doesn’t know. This has never happened before in a loop, and SeokJin wonders if he caused it. HoSeok hands over the paper, which JungKook requested be given to SeokJin. It’s a drawing of the cherry blossom tree they saw together, with a thank you note written at the bottom. SeokJin hopes that his suspicions aren’t correct.

Hunting for clues to JungKook’s whereabouts, SeokJin visits Jeil High School’s administrative office the next day (20 April). He receives slightly more information if he acts like he knows the Director of Administration, but as the student records are confidential, the man only reveals that JungKook transferred to a boarding school. On 30 April, SeokJin is summoned to his father’s office. Kim ChangJun asks him to sit down and continues speaking with his aide, Song JunHo. He confirms an upcoming appointment with the Deputy Mayor before asking, “Oh, did you take care of that incident?” “Yes. Do you mean the one concerning the Jeil High student?” JunHo responds. “I’ve taken care of the issue with the student.” Heart racing, SeokJin realizes that his father was behind JungKook’s transfer and deliberately let it slip as a warning to him. On their way out, Uncle JunHo adds, “SeokJin. You do know how difficult it was because you didn’t attend the inauguration, right?” SeokJin promises that he’ll be at the next meeting. Back in his bedroom, he decides that he made the wrong choice in this loop. He wanted to be someone JungKook could always come to, but instead he pushed him farther away. HoSeok calls him at that moment. Voice wavering, he relays that JungKook has disappeared. Some of his classmates stopped by the restaurant that day, inquiring if anyone talks to him often.

The story cuts back to 25 April with JungKook in class at his new school. His mom likes the dormitory here, and he suspects that she feels more comfortable without him at home. School, home, the dorms—he doesn’t belong in any of those places. While pairing up the students, the teacher notices that they have an odd number now and asks JungKook where he wants to go. He closes his eyes and remembers a voice: “JungKook, let’s all go to the ocean.” He thinks, “I want to go…” The scene jumps to JungKook walking towards the ocean shore. The glass shatters.

SeokJin opens his eyes on the morning of 11 April. He wonders what caused the loop to reset and assumes something must have happened to JungKook after he transferred schools. Again, he could not keep his promise of getting them all to the ocean. The episode ends with SeokJin sitting atop the seaside observatory at sunset. (This is a key location on 22 May Year 22, recurring in The Notes and depicted in the HYYH On Stage: Prologue short film and Euphoria MV. It looks the same in the game.) SeokJin ruminates on what may have happened to JungKook and where events started going wrong. He thought he could be the person JungKook needed to lean on, but he failed. This arc concludes with him wondering: “Was my method wrong? Or is it not supposed to be me? Maybe… If the person who’s supposed to console JungKook’s scars and be there for him isn’t me… Then, who can save JungKook?”

The End of His Gaze

SeokJin’s main challenge in saving YoonGi is the unpredictability of his actions between loops. The opening of this story is no different. On 2 May Year 22, SeokJin chases YoonGi after he leaves his workroom with a heavy bag but loses sight of him in the streets. As soon as he picks the nearest motel, black smoke pours from one of its windows. (The sign matches the motel in YoonGi’s scenes of the I Need U MV.) YoonGi ignores the commotion outside the room’s locked door. Once again, SeokJin is too late, and the glass shatters, resetting the loop.

Waking in his bedroom on 11 April, SeokJin considers how YoonGi backs himself into a corner no matter how or when he tries to intervene. It’s different from the incident with NamJoon because no outside person or situation is involved. SeokJin realizes that if YoonGi’s struggle and variables that make his decision so unpredictable are within him, then the only way he can stop YoonGi is by truly understanding him. He takes out his old camcorder from high school, hoping its footage may reveal some clues. In the first video clip he plays, YoonGi is off in the corner of their classroom hideout drawing music staves but speaks up to tell HoSeok and TaeHyung not to play a prank on JiMin. SeokJin wonders if YoonGi still writes music and remembers the piano in his workroom. In the second video, TaeHyung quibbles with NamJoon, who is tired yet refuses to take a nap until YoonGi pushes some desks together and tells him to lie down. SeokJin focuses on YoonGi for the rest of the video, but he is either motionless or off camera. He finds a similar challenge within his photographs: he has less than ten solo photos of YoonGi, and though his face is visible in group pictures, he is never looking at the camera. Still perusing the photos, SeokJin overhears voices from the camcorder. “It being here is a secret. Okay?” TaeHyung whispers to YoonGi. “What’s a secret?” SeokJin in the recording asks. TaeHyung and YoonGi, standing by the piano, both whip around. TaeHyung dismisses it as nothing and shushes YoonGi when he asks, “Why are you hiding something like that?” In the present, SeokJin wonders what they hid in the classroom and decides that it’s worth investigating in case it can help him save YoonGi.

On 15 April, SeokJin visits their old classroom hideout at Jeil High School, which is still being used as a storage room. The player can choose from a total of four locations to explore, provided they select the piano last. SeokJin identifies his father’s name alongside the message “Everything started from here” on the graffitied wall (he first saw this note in his 25 June Year 19 entry from The Notes 1). Even after thoroughly examining the piano, he does not find YoonGi and TaeHyung’s secret or anything else useful. Uneasy at leaving YoonGi alone for so long, SeokJin leaves the school and parks in front of his friend’s workroom. YoonGi appears to be safely inside, so SeokJin browses through the old video files on his camcorder and finds one that continued recording after he thought he had pressed the stop button. Listening to his and YoonGi’s voices, he recalls a forgotten memory of the day they walked out of school together.

The majority of episode 3 plays through a memory of an afternoon that SeokJin and YoonGi walked out of school together (date unspecified; this event is also referenced in YoonGi’s 2 August Year 22 entry from The Notes 2 and the similar Note accompanying Map of the Soul: 7). SeokJin receives a text summoning him to the principal’s office. The office is empty yet suffocating when he arrives. Principal Jo JinMyung arrives and apologizes for making SeokJin wait. SeokJin looks down, heart suddenly heavy. The scene cuts to YoonGi entering the storage classroom as he thinks about all the days he doesn’t feel like going home. It’s not a comfortable place for him, yet there’s nothing for him at the school either, except for the group’s hideout. He feels awkward in the oddly quiet room and puts some sheet music on the piano’s rack. But when he thinks about how no one is there requesting songs from him, he can’t bring his hands up to the keys. The flashback transitions back to SeokJin’s perspective following his meeting with the principal. As expected, the principal wanted him to report on YoonGi’s behavior. SeokJin spoke carefully so as not to tip him off about anything, but he hears internal whispers calling himself a hypocrite even when he’s laughing with his friends. Fretting over how much longer he can protect YoonGi, SeokJin runs into him at the classroom hideout’s door. He hopes YoonGi doesn’t notice how flustered he is, but YoonGi doesn’t say anything beyond confirming that he’s heading home. SeokJin tries to strike up a conversation as they walk out together, but the conversation awkwardly fizzles out whether he brings up food or the weather. YoonGi points out that his phone is buzzing, and SeokJin’s camcorder falls from his bag as he looks for it. YoonGi waves him off when SeokJin films him to test that it still works. He sheepishly lowers the camcorder and forgets to turn it off. YoonGi breaks the uncomfortable silence when they are almost across the field. “Is something up? You didn’t look very happy earlier.” Heart pounding, SeokJin tries to laugh off this sharp question with an excuse, but YoonGi stares straight at him. “You’re awkward too, SeokJin.” “What is?” “Your laugh.” YoonGi pauses before continuing, “When was the last time you genuinely laughed?”

The scene fades back to the present in SeokJin’s car (15 April). He can’t make out the rest of their conversation in the recording or remember what he answered. He wonders why YoonGi asked him that. SeokJin was always tense then, afraid that his friends would learn of his meetings with the principal. Did the others notice, too? While he’s lost in these thoughts, someone outside shouts, “Fire!” Flames erupt from YoonGi’s workroom. Realizing he should have focused on YoonGi and not the video, SeokJin runs into the building. As he tries to open the locked door, he hears the glass shatter.

The fourth episode opens on the night of 11 April with SeokJin watching JungKook and YoonGi walk away from the construction site and towards NamJoon’s container. A few days later, SeokJin spots JungKook on the sidewalk on his way to YoonGi’s workroom. When asked where he’s going, JungKook avoids his gaze and replies, “I was just… walking around.” SeokJin knows this is because he has nowhere to go. Not wanting JungKook to keep wandering and remembering that he was once close with YoonGi, SeokJin invites him along. The perspective switches to JungKook as they enter the workroom. It reeks of alcohol, and YoonGi is fast asleep among empty bottles. “YoonGi… will be okay, right?” he asks. SeokJin picks up the bottles without responding. A memory from their school days occurs to JungKook. TaeHyung chased him around their classroom hideout, trying to snatch his sketchbook and succeeding when JungKook found his escape unintentionally blocked by YoonGi standing in the doorway. JungKook was dismayed when YoonGi called TaeHyung over to the piano so they could look at it together, but then YoonGi deceived TaeHyung and threw the sketchbook to JungKook. In the present, SeokJin doesn’t want to waste time while YoonGi sleeps. He taps a lost-in-thought JungKook on the shoulder and says they should leave, but JungKook responds that he will stay until YoonGi wakes. 

Back again at the classroom hideout, SeokJin hunts further around the piano. He uses an old mop handle to fish out a piece of paper from underneath it. The hidden secret turns out to be TaeHyung’s abysmal math test. Dejected, SeokJin slumps to the floor. On this level, he notices a small handle on the piano’s lower panel and uses it to pop off the cover. Faded music sheets are wedged into the piano’s frame. A phrase on one of them catches SeokJin’s eye. (함께 라면 웃을 수 있다 : The Korean is not translated in game, but Google translates it as “if we are together, we can laugh.” This recurring phrase is instead translated as “we can laugh when we’re together” in The Notes 2. In YoonGi’s 2 August Year 22 entry, he also reflects on finding the note written in the margins of the music scores he took from the classroom. The handwriting isn’t his own. Additionally, a similar sentiment is expressed in a line of You Never Walk Alone, which is the basis for one of the BU-inspired Graphic Lyrics books.)

This message reminds SeokJin of YoonGi’s question: “When was the last time you genuinely laughed?” “This moment is the answer to that question,” he thinks, initiating a flashback to 20 March Year 19. The boys gathered around HoSeok in the classroom, chattering excitedly about the new club he’s leading. TaeHyung jokingly called him “Mr. President.” HoSeok told him only members could call him that before asking YoonGi if he wanted to join. “I’ll allow you to join without an audition, but only you.” TaeHyung exclaimed that he was just trying to get YoonGi to call him president. “Oh, it was obvious?” HoSeok chuckled. “Acting up again, huh?” YoonGi spoke up from the corner. The memory fades, returning to a pensieve SeokJin. He clearly remembers YoonGi’s face as he laughed with the others. “When did we stop laughing? Did it start that day, when I ruined everything?” SeokJin wonders. “It’s my fault,” he says aloud, standing there with the sheet music in hand until the sun begins to set. (Note: the date of the memory may be a typo. On 20 March Year 20 in The Notes 1, TaeHyung overheard SeokJin in the classroom informing the principal of the trouble he and YoonGi had gotten into. SeokJin realized that NamJoon heard it but not TaeHyung, who remained hidden out of sight and then pretended not to know. It’s not impossible that this memory really occurred in March Year 19, but most of them had only met at the beginning of that month.)

On the night of 15 April, SeokJin follows YoonGi at a distance from his workroom to an alleyway bar. (It is possible but not entirely clear that this is the same day SeokJin found the sheet music at the classroom, which is why I did not specify the date earlier.) It appears that YoonGi visits this bar often since the owner asks him if he has money today. SeokJin sits at a table behind YoonGi and watches him knock back shot after shot. Deciding that he shouldn’t leave him alone any longer, SeokJin musters up the courage to join him. YoonGi doesn’t look surprised to see him. He smiles before looking down again. SeokJin attempts a natural conversation to catch up. YoonGi asks why he didn’t come along the night when everyone got together at NamJoon’s container. “It’s been awhile since we’ve all seen each other, and JungKook… Never mind. You were probably busy.” SeokJin apologizes and inquires how JungKook is doing, then turns the same question on YoonGi when he replies that he doesn’t know. “Anything new with you?” SeokJin presses when YoonGi avoids his gaze. “Well, as you can see.” YoonGi dodges a direct answer.

The restaurant owner brings them a second glass. They are quiet in a restaurant full of chatter. SeokJin brings up the past to break the awkward silence, asking if YoonGi remembers the day they walked out of high school together. “Why do you ask?” says YoonGi. SeokJin explains that he remembered what YoonGi said to him that afternoon. “I want to ask you the same thing you asked me then.” SeokJin is nervous but continues, not wanting to waste this opportunity. “When was the last time you genuinely laughed?” YoonGi is silent for a moment. “Who knows.” SeokJin encourages him to think about it. “What good is it whether I remember or not? It wouldn’t change things now, even if I remembered.” YoonGi’s refusal to express his feelings upsets SeokJin more than his indifferent tone. “I just wish he would open up to me so I could figure out… anything. If only I could tell him,” SeokJin thinks. His internal narration continues over a shot of him in high school looking at his phone: “Or maybe… If I went back further in time, mustering up the courage to protect my friends, and prevented YoonGi from being expelled. If I did, maybe now we’d be…” “What’s with that expression?” YoonGi’s voice snaps him into the present, and he stares at SeokJin the way he had when they walked home from school. “Nothing, just… I feel like it’s been a while since I last saw you and I’m wasting time with useless subjects. It’s nothing—” SeokJin tries to laugh it off, but YoonGi interrupts. “You’re the same as always… There’s something there in your expression, but you say that it’s nothing.” This remark hits hard, rendering SeokJin speechless.

YoonGi’s words echo in SeokJin’s head even after he arrives home later that night. How did YoonGi notice what SeokJin thought he kept well-hidden? He once viewed YoonGi as someone who was indifferent to the world and trying to distance himself from everything. It dawns on SeokJin that he is mistaken. He opens his camcorder, hoping to see something new with this changed perspective. A recording plays in which he, YoonGi, and JungKook are the only ones present in the classroom hideout. When YoonGi starts playing piano, JungKook gets up from the desk and carefully stands by him. YoonGi doesn’t seem bothered and continues to play. Suddenly, he stops. “You wanna try?” In the present, SeokJin wonders why he asks JungKook that out of the blue and replays the footage, feeling like he missed something. This time, he notices that JungKook begins chewing his nails before YoonGi asks him. “Can I?” says JungKook. “Why not? It’s not my piano or anything. You can play if you want to.” At YoonGi’s words, the color returns to JungKook’s face and his hands drop from his mouth. SeokJin watches a little more of the video. As the recorded YoonGi patiently corrects JungKook’s wrong notes, he realizes that YoonGi doesn’t merely ask JungKook to play on a whim but out of respect for him.

SeokJin turns his attention to his box of photos. The player can choose up to three to examine. SeokJin realizes that YoonGi is a little further behind the group and not looking at the camera not because he feels left out or is avoiding attention, but because he is always watching how they are all together. YoonGi knows us very well, he thinks. He stopped JungKook from biting his nails by asking him to play the piano rather than acknowledging it directly. He saw through SeokJin and recognized when his laughter wasn’t genuine, even after several years apart. SeokJin thought that YoonGi wanted to give up everything, would never open up to anyone, and experienced feelings that were impossible for him to understand. “But if we were the ones to make YoonGi laugh… It may be possible to save YoonGi,” SeokJin reflects. With more determination, he vows to save him. “I’ll save him no matter what, because we can laugh when we’re together.”

SeokJin visits YoonGi every day after their meeting at the bar, responding that he’s making time to see him when asked if all university students have this much free time. They grow more accustomed to each other’s company, but SeokJin’s glimmer of hope fades as alcohol and aimless wandering continues to fill YoonGi’s life. Since just visiting YoonGi’s workroom seems meaningless, on 24 April SeokJin decides to show him the sheet music he found in the hideout, hoping it will encourage him to resume songwriting. Upon seeing the music, YoonGi has a flashback to 25 June Year 20, the day he received the school expulsion notice. He ran immediately to the classroom and played the piano as though possessed. The anger refused to settle. He shoved all of his sheet music into the piano and vowed to never play the piano again. In the present, YoonGi asks, “Where’d you find this?” At his cold expression, SeokJin wonders what he’s done wrong and explains aloud that he just happened to find it in the hideout’s piano. The papers fall from YoonGi’s hand, scattering across the floor. “Leave,” he spits. “What? Min YoonGi, what’s going on?” SeokJin asks. YoonGi shoves him. “Just leave.” “Don’t do this, let’s talk for a moment,” SeokJin tries again. But YoonGi replies, “I have nothing to say to you.”

YoonGi avoids him after that. On 25 April, SeokJin calls him numerous times without any answer and finds only torn sheet music and empty bottles in his workroom. He remembers YoonGi’s last words to him and says aloud, “It can’t be. No way.” An ominous thought crosses his mind, but he forces it out to focus on recalling something from memory. The story cuts to him running down a street, trying to figure out where YoonGi went to set the fire in the last loop. (It is never clarified what SeokJin’s “ominous thought” is—it may refer to YoonGi setting a fire or possibly even a suspicion that YoonGi figured out SeokJin was involved in his expulsion.) SeokJin finds the same motel (the one with the sign like in the I Need U MV) and rushes upstairs in a cold sweat. Faced with a hallway of identical doors, he doesn’t know how to locate YoonGi’s room. Whether the player chooses for him to call out to YoonGi or “think of something else” (which results in him pulling the fire alarm), the result is ultimately the same. SeokJin forces open the last closed door with a fire extinguisher, but the room is empty. Filled with regret, SeokJin wonders what he has done wrong. “Like an idiot, I… I knew that the location and method of YoonGi’s attempt could change, and yet…”

“Fire!” someone yells. The motel across the street erupts in flames. “No! Please…” SeokJin begs, falling to his knees. “How can I stop this tragedy? … Am I not enough to stop it?” The story ends as he hears the glass shatter once again.

Additional Thoughts

For me, JungKook’s arc really draws back the curtain on SeokJin’s private life. It demonstrates SeokJin’s challenge to balance saving his friends and maintaining his own daily life, particularly fulfilling the duties that fall to him as a prominent assemblyman’s son. We see little of this side of him until The Notes 2, when his perspective has already drastically changed.

JungKook’s reflection about his habit of walking along the edges of walls is an interesting moment of self-awareness. This “tightrope-walking” is depicted frequently in the MVs.

The car accident and loop reset at the beginning of JungKook’s 4th episode suggests the possibility that the I Need U MV depicts JungKook deliberately stepping in front of the oncoming car rather than accidentally. (Maybe people have already interpreted it this way, but personally the thought had never occured to me due to how it’s shot and acted.) The car accident is a recurring theme in the loops for JungKook, particularly as he is struck the night of 22 May and comes to believe that it was SeokJin who hit him.

This internal dialogue of SeokJin’s from YoonGi’s arc gives me a lot to think about: “If I went back further in time, mustering up the courage to protect my friends, and prevented YoonGi from being expelled. If I did, maybe now we’d be…” SeokJin’s first experiences of the time loops are depicted in the Save Me Webtoon. At that time, he believes that 11 April is the date that he can begin fixing things, but it’s not clear if this ability granted by the cat-like creature truly gives him control over to which date the loop resets. (It is more obvious that he cannot control what triggers the reset itself.) Does he ever go back earlier? Only *ahem* time will tell, but if you want some more food for thought, please check out these interesting quotes that occur before 11 April Year 22.

As mentioned above, the following “tl;dr” commentary summarizes the parenthetical notes I provided in the summaries in case you want to review them on their own.

The Boy on the Threshold — tl;dr commentary

SeokJin’s flashback to 3 March Year 19, when all seven boys arrived late on the first day at Songju Jeil High School and were scolded outside by the Dean, looks very similar to the BTS Begins Middle Scene VCR (aside from the absence of extra students), including the detail of YoonGi arriving last. This VCR predates official BU content.

The photo in SeokJin’s collection that catches JungKook’s eye resembles the shot in the Euphoria MV at 5’32” (the seven boys sitting on a wall with the ocean behind them) except that they appear to be wearing school uniform shirts and slacks.

JungKook’s flashback to the night of 7 April Year 22 expands the context of his reunion with YoonGi, adding that he is drawn to the music shop by a familiar tune and through its broken window sees YoonGi playing piano. YoonGi doesn’t notice him when he staggers outside, and JungKook tries to play the music by memory. In his 7 April Year 22 entry of The Notes 1, YoonGi is drunk and stumbling by an empty construction site when he recognizes a clumsy piano tune that he’d been playing “not long ago.” But when he runs to the music shop and finds JungKook, the text does not indicate that he remembers this is his second visit to the shop this evening. Additionally, the Wings short film First Love seems to reference some of the events of this night—or evokes YoonGi’s distorted memories of it, mingled with a representation of JungKook’s later accident.

I mentioned in part 1’s introduction that every episode’s ending is identical regardless of the decisions made by the player, but the end of episode 4 is actually cosmetically different (a wobbling camera/animation effect) if the second path is selected for the last choice. The dialogue is the same.

The end of episode 7 depicts the seaside observatory. This is a key location on 22 May Year 22, recurring in The Notes and depicted in the HYYH On Stage: Prologue short film and Euphoria MV. It looks the same in the game.

The End of His Gaze — tl;dr commentary

The motel sign at the beginning and end of the story matches the one visible in YoonGi’s shots of the I Need U MV.

When searching the classroom hideout for clues on 15 April, SeokJin identifies his father's name alongside the message “Everything started from here” on the graffitied wall. He first saw this note in his 25 June Year 19 entry from The Notes 1.

Episode 3 presents a memory from both SeokJin’s and YoonGi’s perspectives of the afternoon that they walked out of school together. Although the date is unspecified, this event is also referenced in YoonGi’s 2 August Year 22 entry from The Notes 2 and the similar Note accompanying Map of the Soul: 7.

On his second attempt at searching the classroom, SeokJin finds sheet music that was hidden inside the piano. A phrase written in the corner of one paper catches his eye: 함께 라면 웃을 수 있다. The Korean is not translated in game, but Google translates it as “if we are together, we can laugh.” This recurring phrase is instead translated as “we can laugh when we’re together” in The Notes 2. In YoonGi’s 2 August Year 22 entry, he also reflects on finding the note written in the margins of the music scores he took from the classroom. The handwriting isn’t his own. Additionally, a similar sentiment is expressed in a line of You Never Walk Alone, which is the basis for one of the BU-inspired Graphic Lyrics books.

SeokJin has a flashback of 20 March Year 19 in which the boys are excitedly chattering about HoSeok’s new club. However, given the larger context of this moment (both in the past and what prompts it in the present), the date of the memory may be a typo. On 20 March Year 20 in The Notes 1, TaeHyung overheard SeokJin in the classroom informing the principal of the trouble he and YoonGi had gotten into. SeokJin realized that NamJoon heard it but not TaeHyung, who remained hidden out of sight and then pretended not to know. It’s not impossible that this memory really occurred in March Year 19, but most of them had only met at the beginning of that month.

Did you learn anything new from these stories that I did not specifically mention? Let me know in the replies or tags! Please stay tuned for part 3, featuring JiMin and HoSeok’s stories.

[mrepstein]

The Beatles Book Monthly (No. 5, December 1963)

‘A TALE OF FOUR BEATLES’ by Billy Shepherd

PART IV (PART I // PART II // PART III)

Part IV opens in June, 1961 and charts Brian Epstein's early involvement with the Beatles.

And so the Beatles, with two experience-garnering trips to Germany behind them, got back to Liverpool. A swingin’ scene... and they were very much a part of it. It was the end of June, 1961.

But though they liked having more money to spend, they hadn’t the foggiest idea of just how much they were worth. The offers came in. Anything between £6 and £14 was the pay-packet, to be shared between Messrs. Lennon, McCartney, Harrison and drummer Pete Best.

“We just didn’t know,” admits George. “We loved the work, the excitement. We didn’t realise we were often being exploited. But it was hard work and somehow we didn’t seem to have much money in the kitty after we’d kept our equipment up to scratch...”

July, 1961, could go down as a summit meeting in Merseybeat history. A steamy, summery, shimmery night at Litherland Town Hall. A young promoter named Brian Kelly announced his attraction: The Beatmakers.

George Harrison was on lead guitar. Paul McCartney on rhythm. John Lennon on piano. Drummers were Pete Best and Freddie Marsden. Les Maguire operated on saxophone, Les Chadwick on bass guitar - and Gerry Marsden nipped on and off behind a big grin to take the vocals.

Gerry and the Pacemakers and the Beatles had linked up. For one night only and for a fee which is the smallest fraction of what they’d command for such a show now.

It led to friendships between the group members... but it didn’t seem to be leading to that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow for the Beatles.

Says John: “We went on knocking ourselves out night after night but somehow there was a bit of frustration creeping in to it all. It didn’t seem to be leading anywhere.”

But the audiences were greatly appreciative.

Says Paul: “We started accepting dates further south. We got pretty near London on some of them. No change of material for us - still the stuff that went down so well in Germany. But we were veering away from the leather gear. Don’t make this sound big-headed, but the fact is that a lot of other groups were copying the way we looked on stage. So we changed to more ordinary clothes for a while.”

But in September, depression set in. Paul and John took themselves off to Paris for a holiday. They remember being flat broke. Remember having to search through every pocket to rake up enough francs for a Coke. Now, of course, they can go where they please and not count the cost.

And George and Pete stayed on in Liverpool, virtually lost to the Beat scene. Ray McFall, owner of the Cavern Club remembers seeing Messrs. Harrison and Best around the lunch-time sessions but they seemed dispirited. They took a lot of persuading even to join in on the impromptu roar-ups.

Let well-known Liverpool show compere Bob Wooler fill in the background to this black spot in the Beatles’ history.

“I’ve known the boys since the early days. I’ve been a long-time admirer. What they really needed was a manager in those far-off days. They seemed content not to argue about the fees they were offered. And they didn’t seem to realise that they were pulling in crowds on the strength of their own name and performance.

“After all, they had to live. They had to look after their equipment - and they often had travelling expenses to pay. It’s all very well being popular and enjoying your work, but you should be paid what you’re worth as well.

“Ray McFall at the Cavern was different. If the crowd was good, he upped the fee. That’s why the boys have always been so loyal to the Cavern. But you can understand them being puzzled at the lack of hard cash from their other venues where they were so often doubling the attendances.”

Paul and John were meanwhile spending a lot of time on their song-writing. You’ll see how much they’d already achieved in this direction as the story pushes on to the first recording days.

John and Paul could never sit down and simply write a song to order. They admit: “We have to wait for the ideas to arrive. It can happen anywhere. On a bus, or a train, or backstage at a dance-hall or theatre. Sometimes the title suggests itself first. Then we get going on the words and music. Sometimes we’ve finished a very successful seller in less than an hour.”

But their most pressing need was for a manager. Paul has told me “When we first started on paid jobs, we honestly thought we weren’t manageable. We thought nobody would want to bother with us. We were a pretty off-beat bunch of characters, to say the least. And we had a sense of humour which somehow involved us all and which was hardly in the interests of discipline. So, for a long time, we just didn’t take any notice of the advice that we should be properly handled. ‘Who’d WANT US,’ was the way we thought...

“And that’s where we were wrong...”

A MANAGER. Liverpool man Allan Williams took on the chore for a while... he now runs the Blue Angel Club on Merseyside.

But the man who was to make show business history with the Beatles knew nothing about the group in that September of 1961. That man, of course, was Brian Epstein, one-time drama student, member of a family which owned a chain of furniture and radio-TV stores in Liverpool.

He was not exactly WITH the beat scene. But he WAS in touch with the public taste through his work in the record department of the stores. He’d been there for five years, building up the business, enlarging the staff roster and increasing the turnover.

And in September, 1961, he was a puzzled man. Fans kept approaching him with: “Have you any records by the Beatles?” Brian mused. Pondered. Wondered. One young lad was particularly persistent in his demands. Brian dug deep into the record-lists. And found reference to that “My Bonnie” single, recorded in Germany, on which the Beatles played a strictly supporting role to guitar-star Tony Sheridan.

“I became Beatle-conscious for a while,” he says. “I always tried to work on the theory that the customer was right - and if they wanted the Beatles, well... I’d do my best to supply the Beatles. Eventually I traced the source and ordered some 200 copies for the record-stores. They sold quickly...

“Then out of the blue I heard they were Liverpool boys, had a rapidly-growing following - and were actually playing in a club near the store. It was a place that I’m sure I’d visited before, a sort of teenage gathering-place, but I really didn’t know much about it.

“After a while, I thought I’d better pop down there and see what all the fuss was about.”

Brian Epstein went to the Cavern. Met the Beatles. And things really started happening for the ambitious but not-too-sure group.

There are two ways of looking at this near-historic meeting. Brian Epstein’s. And the Beatles’ viewpoint.

Beatles first. Said George: “He started talking to us about the record that had created the demand. We didn’t know much about him but he seemed very interested in us and also a little bit baffled.

“He came back several times and talked to us. It seemed there was something he wanted to say, but he wouldn’t come out with it. He just kind of watched us and studied what we were doing. One day, he took us to the store and introduced us. We thought he looked rather red and embarrassed about it all.

“Eventually, he started talking about becoming our manager. Well, we hadn’t really had anybody actually VOLUNTEER in that sense. At the same time, he was very honest about it all - you know, like saying he didn’t really know anything about managing a group like us. He sort of hinted that he was keen if we’d go along with him...”

Brian, quite honestly, thought that the Beatles looked a mess. He wondered what exactly they thought they were trying to be. Their strange jackets, the rather scruffy jeans, the hair-styles, which could only have been styled on something called “chaos.”

“But there was something enormously attractive about them,” he recalls. “I liked the way they worked and the obvious enthusiasm they put into their numbers. People talk about the Liverpool sound but I sometimes wonder what exactly they mean. These boys put everything into their routines but they didn’t use echo. That struck me as being a very good thing.

“It was the boys themselves, though, who really swung it. Each had something which I could see would be highly commercial if only someone could push it to the top. They were DIFFERENT characters but they were so obviously part of the whole. Quite frankly, I was excited about their prospects, provided some things could be changed.”

And Brian told his friends: “This could easily turn out to be the biggest show business attraction since Elvis Presley.” It’s a tribute to his foresight and intuition that that is precisely what has happened.

Brian decided to get the boys together at a round-table conference at his store. A time was fixed and the boys agreed. But Beatles are not always the easiest of people to organise. Brian sat waiting... and waiting... and waiting. He was trying to cope with the vastly complex figures of Christmas orders for the store and minutes were precious to him.

Eventually THREE Beatles arrived. George, John and Pete. No Paul. Story goes that Brian got George to ring through and see what had happened to the left-handed guitar-star. And that Paul admitted he was still in the bath... but wouldn’t be long!

Brian was rather on his high-horse. He felt it was not the right thing for someone who wanted to talk business to be kept waiting. He pointed out that Paul, the cherubic one of the four, would be extremely late. “Yes,” said George, forcing back a grin. “But he’ll also be extremely clean.”

Says Brian: “That sense of humour is invaluable. You could hardly feel annoyed at their lack of business ability. They were just four individual and off-beat characters.”

Prior to Brian taking such an interest, there was great concern among Cavern people that there was a chance of the Beatles packing in all thoughts of show business careers. Bob Wooler had tried hard to get BBC television producer Jack Good interested in the group. Jack had produced beat shows, like “Six-Five Special” which had been the stepping-stone to success for artistes like Cliff Richard. But Jack was also in demand in the States... and he’d gone there to further his own career long before Bob could get any decision from the telly-folk.

Brian, having eventually assembled all four Beatles in the same room, put his propositions to them. He went through a process of brain-washing, though he did it all very tactfully. He didn’t like their manner of dress. Wasn’t knocked out by the unruly hair-cuts. Was singularly unimpressed by the way they casually drank tea on stage while in the middle of shows.

He pleaded with them rather than ordered them. He knew they were a valuable property and he was knocked out at the way their personal following was growing through the Merseyside area.

Said John: “He’d tell us that jeans were not particularity smart and could we possibly manage to wear PROPER trousers. But he didn’t want us suddenly looking square. He let us have our own sense of individuality.”

He added: “We respected his views. We stopped champing at cheese rolls and jam butties on stage. We paid a lot more attention to what we were doing. Did our best to be on time. And we smartened up, in the sense that we wore suits instead of any sloppy old clothes.”

It was a master-plan. A long-term plan if necessary but it was aimed at making the most of four young men who clearly had that star quality in them... even though a recording contract was still more than nine months away.

Obviously, Brian Epstein’s main job was to get the group on record. He knew the strength of their popularity in Liverpool and he felt it wouldn’t be a hard job to interest some of the London companies. But that was where Brian was wrong.

He even delayed any sort of action until the results of the 1961 “Mersey Beat Poll” were announced. That came up at the end of the year. And the Beatles were high and dry in top place in this important survey of how the public felt about the myriad groups operating in the scene. Said Brian: “I thought this was the ‘Open Sesame’ to the recording scene. I felt that Liverpool was important enough to have London executives falling about to sign the boys. I was wrong...”

Brian, though technically still in charge of important parts of the family business, threw himself into the job of getting the Beatles known nationally. He had the backing of the Beatles’ parents and it was to be no holds barred for the major break through.

He started visiting London. Hopefully. Optimistically. But record executives showed an alarming tendency to register non-committal gloom. Brian had to keep reporting apparent failure to the boys - by now riding higher than ever in popular acclaim in Liverpool.

Cont’d next month in No. 6

[harrytpotter]

RIGHT PLACE, WRONG TIME — Part II

A/N: Again, I’d like to remind you guys that English is not my mother language, so apologies in advance for any mistakes. Once again, the gif isn’t mine, I took it from google; if it’s yours or belongs to anyone you know, let me know so I can credit! :)

You were passing through a hall full of empty classrooms on your way to the great hall. You were about to turn on your right when strong hands grabbed you by your waist and dragged you into one of the rooms. You were about to hit the stranger in the face when you realized who they were.

“Jamie, you dickhead! You startled the living hell out of me,” you bump your fist into his shoulder rather strongly.

“Ouch! Bitter much, love?” He grimaces, rubbing his shoulder.

You roll your eyes at him. “Stop being such a drama queen, would ya?! I suppose there’s a reason why you ambushed me in an empty hallway when basically the entire castle is at the great hall?!”

“Oh, about that... In how much trouble did we get ourselves into this time?” He grinned.

“Care to elaborate that, darling?” You frown.

“Moony and Pads came back earlier last night and we hadn’t return until pretty late because you kept insisting you needed to get wasted and... McGonagall seems like she wants to murder me when you’re the one she should’ve been pissed at,” he says, thoughtful.

“Sweetheart... everybody wants to murder you,” you offer him a mockery smile. “I wouldn’t know how to help you with that since I can’t recall about pretty much anything after the first shot of firewhisky I took last night.”

“You can’t remember anything? At all? Oh, woman...” he grins satisfied at you, a brow lifted.

Your sarcasm act and mockery smile dropped all of a sudden. “James... what did I do last night?” You ask him, eyes widen.

“You see, love... that was one interesting night, to say the least,” the grin on his face went wider, if that was even possible.

Before you could rip the detailed story out of him, the door is opened with a loud bang and your other two best friends enter the room, the marauder’s map in hands.

“Now that was dramatic,” James shruggs at Sirius and Remus.

“Where were you? You should’ve heard Evans’ screams at James,” Sirius says to you, trying to contain a burst of laughter.

“About that, what exactly did you tell her?! She was ready to rip off my head earlier this morning, lucky me she was so pissed she couldn’t even make sense,” James narrow his eyes.

“I might have called her Lily Potter...” you answer him with your best i’m-sorry-i-screwed-up face.

Sirius and Remus both exploded in a loud laughter whilst James stared at you, jaw-dropped. Then, he bursted into a loud laughter himself. You roll your eyes at your best friends, laughing as well.

***

The morning classes passed by the blink of an eye and soon you found yourself surrounded by your best friends at the great hall during lunch. You did your best to try to focus on the chit chats going on around you, but you couldn’t stop thinking about Harry, Ron and Hermione and your sudden absence from Hogwarts at their time. What would they think? Were they worried about you? Would they look for you and somehow end up here as well eventually? It could turn out to be an absolute mess.

“Y/N!” James shouts your name, dragging the attention of the entire table to you.

“Hmm?!” You snap back to reality, looking at him with a clueless expression.

“I was telling Mrs. Potter here that we should have a June wedding, what do you think?” He looked amused at Lily who was clearly beyond annoyed.

“Sure, sounds nice,” you answer him briefly, not paying much attention. You were getting back at your thoughts when you felt somebody grab your hand.

“Come here,” James leaded you out of the great hall to a quiet and desert hallway. “Talk to me, love.”

You raise your brows at him, playing dumb. You knew it was pointless because no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t seem to keep anything from James. He had always paid attention to you and knew you better than even yourself, hence he’d knew you’d be lying if you said nothing was going on.

“Lily is a little concerned about you as well. She said you were acting weird this morning and she too realized you didn’t give a damn about our classes today, which, may I add, is extremely odd for you, darling,” he grinned, grabbing your hands and interlocking your fingers in his. A habit he had whenever he was trying to make you feel better.

You look away from his gaze and before you could come up with an excuse, a few students of Ravenclaw passing by started to tease the two of you. “Glad to see you finally owned up to your feelings, Potter and L/N!” Someone shouted and the others giggled before disappearing. You and James often listened things like that over the years but both of you never really cared. Sometimes you played along with it, other times you just ignored it. You were about to pretend you didn’t listen to them and try to change the subject when you noticed something strange.

“Are you blushing, Potter?” You frown.

“Me?” He laughs. “Not my thing, darling. You know I don’t do that.”

“Yeah, maybe you should tell that to the pink shade taking over your entire face right now,” you tease him, both brows lifted.

“Full of jokes today, aren’t we?” He rolls his eyes trying to look unimpressed and contain his embarrassment.

“Always, love,” you throw you arm over his shoulders, kissing is cheek in mockery.

James grins at you and rest his left arm on your waist whilst the two of you walk to your next class together.

***

The week had come to an end and you hadn’t hear from Dumbledore ever since you handed him the time-turner. Not that you had time to worry about that at all, since James has made his life mission to spend every waking hour he had with you until you felt better. He even dragged you to all of his quidditch practices. Like today. You were sitting on the bench observing your best friend with vivid eyes, taking mental notes of his behavior on field so you could pick on him later saying how you thought he could improve his technique, knowing very well how much it annoyed him.

“Mind if I join you?” A Hufflepuff grins at you. “My team’s supposed to use the field to practice next but apparently I’m a little earlier.”

“Not at all,” you point him the seat next to you.

“Thanks. I don’t see much of you in here on practice days,” he says whilst sitting.

“Oh, probably because I’m stuck inside the library studying. Or being lectured because of some trouble my friend up there gets me on,” you laugh.

“Yeah, James has quite the fame, hasn’t he?” He laughs too.

You engage on a conversation with the boy for the rest of the practicing, not noticing when James landed right beside you with his broom.

“Hey, love! Wanna head to the locker room so I can change?” He weirdly places a kiss on you cheek, causing you to roll your eyes.

“Sure,” you stand up and answer him before turning back to the Hufflepuff. “See you! Diggory, right?!”

The boy nods at you, smiling. “See you around, L/N.”

“Since when do you talk to Amos Diggory?” James says once you’re outside Diggory’s hearing range, frowning.

“I don’t, this was the first time actually,” you shrug. “So if you’re planning on teasing and annoy the bloody hell outta me saying that I fancy him or something, sorry but it won’t work,” you add, looking at him with both brows raised.

James laughs. “I’ll have better luck next time on annoying you then, L/N.” He then hugs you tightly, lifting you up and spinning you around. “Or will I have it now anyway?”

“James Potter, you’re the biggest arse this planet has ever seen!” You laugh.

You were already feeling a little better.