#on bad days i'd listen for literally probably.... 5 hours out of the day | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

twigstarpikachutroll22 · 1 year

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1) A song you like with a color in the title

We're not gonna say Red by Taylor Swift 'cause that's too obvious, right?

"Yeah, although you did kinda just say it."

Well we're not counting that!!!!!!

"Okay. I'm gonna say Welcome To The Black Parade."

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

...Oh! Oh!!!!! White Castle by Halfy & Winks! Or technically just Winks? She does the songs and Halfy does the animatics is how it is right--

"Oooooooooooh that's a GOOD one!"

Wait do black and white count as colors?

*beat*

"Is this an excuse to name more songs?"

Maybe a little but also I really DON'T know if they count--

"Fine then. Gold Rush by Taylor Swift."

Hmmmmmmm...OH! Fuzzy Blue Lights by Owl City!

"OOOOOOOH good one!"

2) A song you like with a number in the title

"17 by Avril Lavigne!"

21 Guns by Green Day!

"We didn't wanna say 22 by Taylor Swift because that also just felt too obvious."

3) A song that reminds you of summertime

Born To Run by American Authors throws me back to that one summer camp where we did a production of Seussical.

"D'you remember Summer's Just Begun from Tinker Bell and the Great Fairy Rescue?"

OHHHHHHHHHHHH YEAH I mean that's a little on-the-nose but--

"But not AS quick to come to mind as Summer (Where Do We Begin) from Phineas and Ferb was for you?"

Yyyyeah.

"If you want me to say something else--"

No, no, it's fine--

"I can also just say Best Day Of My Life by American Authors."

Yeah, that's definitely one of the ones that just inexplicably completely feels like summer. La Da Dee by Cody Simpson too actually--

"We oughta move on to the next question already."

5) A song that needs to be played LOUD

LESBIAN PONIES WITH WEAPONS BY VYLET PONY!!!!!!!!!!! I CANNOT EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH.

"The Witching Hour by Rachel Rose Mitchell."

OH, absolutely. 100%.

"Yup."

9) A song that makes you happy

Move Your Feet / D.A.N.C.E. / It's A Sunshine Day from Trolls is an INSTANT mood-lifter, it just immediately pumps all the energy and excitement and wanting to sing and dance right into me.

"But You'll Do by Malinda Reese is also a quick mood-lifter, in a more low-key and just light and airy and free kind of way."

10) A song that makes you sad

"Vanishing by Madame Macabre, we all knew that though."

Don't Look Back / Don't Wait For Me by trashyinferno. O U G H , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

17) A song that would sing a duet with on karaoke

LITERALLY HOW YOU GON' ASK US FOR JUST ONE EACH?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

"Just say the first one that comes into your head."

Drop Pop Candy by Giga-P? I dunno, I'm getting deja vu, I feel like we've done some of these asks before and I've said this one already for this--

"It IS really good for the kind of vocal tag-teaming we like to do."

Yeah. I just wanna say something I don't think I've said before.

"Well, I'm gonna say A Girl Like You from Barbie: the Princess and the Pauper! MAN I wish people could actually hear what we sound like singing together because we KILL those harmonies towards the end of this one."

Y E A H .

We also absolutely slay the heck out of the harmonies in Take A Hint from Victorious.

"Yeah!!!!"

OH AND ALSO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STORM FROM TROLLS: THE BEAT GOES ON, GOD I WISH WE COULD PROPERLY GET ACROSS A PERFORMANCE OF THAT FROM US I SO SO SO FREAKING WISH PEOPLE COULD HEAR US DO ALL THOSE HARMONIES AND ALL THOSE OVERLAPPING LYRIC PARTS GOSH DANGIT--

"I agree SO wholeheartedly with every word there, but also now you've named three songs for this one question and we need to get on to the next one."

18) A song from the year that you were born

*we both stare and blink*

...Okay now this one IS actually hard.

"We could look up a list of songs that came out in 2004."

That's probably not gonna cover all the kinds of songs we like listening to though??? It's probably all gonna be mainstream pop, or maybe like lists of songs in different basic genres, which isn't BAD and we do listen to regular pop songs but I'd rather be listing other kinds of songs we listen to and it's gonna take more to find out what vocaloid songs or fansongs for various fandoms came out that year--

"Let's just try this."

*a minute later, scrolling through the billboard top 100 list on Wikipedia*

"Yoooooo, Toxic came out that year??"

The fact that other than that we know like, NONE of these...

OH!!!!! I'VE GOT AN IDEA

"What?"

WE OUGHTA LOOK UP WHAT ANIMATED MOVIES CAME OUT THAT YEAR. MAYBE WHAT STAGE MUSICALS IF POSSIBLE. SO WE CAN NAME SHOWTUNES FROM THEN.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YES!!!!!"

*a minute later*

YOOOOOOOOOOO THE SPONGEBOB MOVIE CAME OUT THAT YEAR???????????

"GOOFY GOOBER ROCK!!!!!"

AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

"Aw dangit, I stole your chance to say that one and there aren't any other movies on this list that we know."

Okay, let's keep looking.

"Like what musicals started that year?"

Yeah.

*a minute later*

Yo what, the stage version of Mary Poppins started then?????

"Name a song you like from that that wasn't in the movie!"

I mean...hmm. Can't think of much there, but, I guess that Practically Perfect song was pretty good?

"Sure!"

20) A song that has many meanings to you

Does Haunted by Taylor Swift count because I have three different pairs of fictional characters from three different pieces of media that I associate it with?

"I dunno, you tell me."

It's just!!!! Define "many meanings!!!!" Does Crush by David Archuleta count because I associate it with a bunch of different ships and have to picture multifandom AMVs to it? Probably not, it's still essentially the same thing just multiple contexts. Does All Too Well by Taylor Swift count because I associate it both with events from my own life and very different events from a show I've watched? Or is two meanings not enough to count as "many"? Does Error by niki or at least Jubyphonic's english cover of it count because most of the lines I can interpret in multiple ways and relate to multiple specific experiences, or does it not count because all of those are still generally within one bigger thing in my mind? Does Are You Satisfied by Marina and the Diamonds count because I associate it with at least three very different fictional characters and it's different when applied to each of them or--

"Twig is this just a way for you to pack multiple songs into one question?"

I wouldn't say JUST, it mostly is just me not knowing how to define this, but it partly is being unable to choose and does come with the benefit of that, yes.

"Well you've also left ME a bunch less to work with..."

Oh. Sorry.

"It's fine. Hmmmmmmmmmmm................

Oh--you could've mentioned Eyes Open by Taylor Swift. Its original context AND not-your-shows AND one of your OCs."

OHHHHHHHHHHHH

23) A song that you think everybody should listen to

"Crayons Can Melt On Us For All I Care by Relient K?"

XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, YES.

I was about to say maybe A Glacier Eventually Farts by Chris Christodoulou?

"Ooooooh..."

#''thanks for the ask! 😁''#👈!!!!!!!!

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golbrocklovely · 2 years

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It’s okay if you don’t want to reply. I understand. But I’ve been best friends with this girl for 5 years now. I always listen to her when she’s upset (she’s always upset) but that doesn’t bother me. I like helping her. I listen and I don’t give any unwanted opinions. But when I open up to her about something she basically acts uninterested and just recently when I was confiding in her about my sick mom she told me she couldn’t keep enabling my behavior and told me to stop crying. That only made me feel worse. She said she knows what it’s like to have a chronically ill mom but she doesn’t because her mom literally isn’t sick at all. She tries to make everything about herself. The worst part of it all and I hate that I allowed it to happen... she took away my love for writing and reading. I just feel so tired and exhausted now. She even told me once before to not share anything good that has happened to me bc it makes her feel bad about herself. I understood and agreed but now she’s constantly sharing things and I want to share things as well but I’m not able to. It’s all about her now. She takes hours sometimes days to reply but when I don’t reply as quickly as I can she gets upset with me. I’m not allowed to have any other friends except for her and now I’m at the age where making friends is even harder than before but she’s allowed to talk about how amazing her other bestfriend is. I’m exhausted. I’m tired. And I’m depressed. She’s draining everything out of me. And now since she actually has a good life she’s drifting away. She ruined mine until hers got better and I’m mad at myself for allowing that to happen. The amount of hate (and that is a strong word) I have for myself is beyond comprehension. I’m even more upset to know I’m probably going to allow her to come back and ruin me all over again because I’m scared of being alone.

first off, i am so sorry you are going thru that. i've been in a similar situation with my ex best friend of ten years.

and while it hurts to not have her in my life somedays, most days…. i'm so happy things ended when they did.

i understand you don't feel like you'll ever be able to get rid of her bc she's just gonna pull you back in, but please stand up for yourself. at the end of the day, you are all you're ever gonna have. so you have to learn to live and love yourself. and you're not gonna be able to do that with her in your life. she is sucking your energy dry just to feel good, and you do not under any circumstance need that in your life.

you deserve to have a friend that will listen to you as much as you listen to them. she is not that person. she is not good for you. and the sooner you kick her out of your life, the better.

you're gonna look back and realize how silly it was to keep her around. and i know what it's like to not have friends and to struggle to connect with ppl. i'm basically in that boat right now. i don't have any friends irl bc they all kinda left once she did. and on top of that, i can only reach out as much as i did before i start to feel like a fool. and let me tell you, while it does suck to not have ppl to lean on in that way, whitney houston said it best: i'd rather be alone than unhappy.

you don't have to drop kick her out of your life this instant. if you want to keep the friendship alive (i don't recommend that, but do as you want), tell her how you actually feel. how her words have hurt you. how you will leave if she doesn't change. and if she doesn't take your words to heart, fuck her. you don't need that. but if she's remorseful, see if you can or want to fix things. and if not, you were better off without her anyway.

you can always make new friends. i know it might feel impossible, but you can. and you can, and should, learn to love yourself. bc you deserve love in every way it comes.

#ask #personal

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thispabulum-blog · 2 years

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How I Spent My Summer Vacation

What's the Tea? Tuesday

It's been a while, eh?

I'll see if I can get things caught up here. It's definitely gonna be a long one, but I'll skip by as much boring stuff as I can. Lots of memes about how fucking hot it is/was, because I am definitely not thriving in this heat.

June was a long month!

First up was going to visit Cuddlebug's mom - who I'm gonna call Mama Bug. The drive there was actually less stressful than I expected.

As someone who uses a LOT of public bathrooms, I can honestly say that unless it's a truck stop, Buc-ee's, RaceTrac, or QT, I'd rather take my chances on a fast food place than a gas station any day. Random gas station bathrooms are horrifying more often than not - if they even have one/will let you use it - and almost always single-occupancy. Fast food places get cleaned more often, and are cookie-cutter mandated by corporate or whatever, so there's almost always at least three stalls. Just a travel tip, I guess. Also it's never a bad idea to take your own tp and/or wipes, just in case.

Anyway. The ride was nice, I mostly relaxed, I even got to play some of my own music in the car and sing really loud to help de-jitter. I don't know that Cuddlebug likes my music, but he generally doesn't complain about my music (unless he feels like it's appropriating his culture), so we're good. I also got him to listen to one of my favorite podcasts, How Did This Get Made? (I picked the episode about the movie Geostorm), which he enjoyed.

About 30 minutes away from his mom's house, the air conditioner in the car stopped working. We figured it was probably just overheated from blasting for 5+ hours or whatever.

Spoiler: It was not. This comes back.

Once we got close, Google Maps took us on a weird route that involved driving through a very fancy neighborhood (where I was delighted to see several deer hanging out in people's yards! Man, rich people get everything...), and then suggested we drive through a gate that was very clearly labeled FOR EMERGENCY VEHICLE USE ONLY and zip-tied shut. Thanks, Google.

We also had a disagreement about what constitutes "suburban" vs. "urban". Cuddlebug thinks anything that's not explicitly Downtown is "suburban", because I guess he enjoys being wrong about things.

I got to meet Mama Bug, ofc (and her boyfriend). She's very nice, and infinitely more relaxed than Dr. Strangelove's mom. Also her cooking is 1000% better. Remind me at some point that I need that panna cotta recipe.

They did talk about the Bible a little bit, which was weird for me, but other than that it was nice. The bed in the guest room was made up elaborately with literally fifteen pillows (and a Bible on the nightstand, naturally).

We had a nice, Christian vacation, by all official accounts.

After the old folks retired for the evening, we settled in to watch a movie. He picked one out while I was in the bathroom, and he was trying to tell me about it.

Cuddlebug: This movie has that guy in it, Sean...something.

Me: Sean Penn?

CB: No, Sean...idk. The new James Bond.

Me: I didn't know they had picked a new James Bond.

CB: Not new new, he's the one who's been James Bond for a while.

Me: Daniel Craig?

CB: This guy's name is NOT Daniel Craig.

*Googles*

CB: Huh, Daniel Craig.

*pulls up movie*

Me: ...that's Jeremy Renner.

Sigh.

Anyway, we watched Wind River, which was super good, if very depressing.

Later in the week he said he wanted to watch a movie, and I asked if he was in the mood for something funny or something heavy, and he said "heavy", so we went with The Devil all the Time - which I felt made us 'even' in the category of "depressing rural crime movie involving two MCU actors and revenge murder".

There was also the small quirk that we're used to watching movies together on the big sectional sofa at his house, where we go through different variations of lying on each other and cuddling for the duration. However, this couch was the type with two recliners and a section between, and as a result we were separated. After the movie was over I told him that it was the longest we've ever gone without touching each other and I hated every minute of it.

Despite it being 100°+ outside, Mama Bug kept the house at a balmy 77°, and there was no fan (ceiling or otherwise) in the room where we slept. Consequently, I went to bed at 1 am, woke up at 4 am, and spent the next 3 hours trying to get back to sleep. It was...unpleasant.

There were also two different clocks in the house that chimed regularly, and they both chimed at different times and neither were correct. So that was fun.

Those were my only big complaints.

The next day I got to show Mama Bug all of my art, including a nice watercolor painting of some flowers that I made specifically for her - which she framed the next day and hung up in the sitting room so people would see it as soon as they walked in, within a foot of a framed picture of Cuddlebug. Very cute.

She spent most of the day super busy preparing for the big dinner party the next night.

Mama Bug: Did he tell you what your job is at the dinner party?

Me: He did not.

MB: You're in charge of reconnaissance. So once everyone else leaves -

Me: We can talk shit about them.

MB: So he did tell you!

Me: No, that's just what I would do, anyway.

We got along pretty well. She teaches at a boys' school and only has a son, so I got very "OMG a girl, finally!" vibes from her. She kept wanting to talk about clothes and shoes, and she was very happy to lend me a sewing kit when I needed to fix a dress - and then she walked into the room while I was sitting on the bed in my underwear, sewing, to ask me which of the (again, FIFTEEN) pillows we had ended up using. They're super playfully-antagonistic, giving each other shit all the time. She's very down-to-earth, and perhaps a bit more progressive than I was expecting.

That evening we went over to visit some of Cuddlebug's friends for dinner and board games.

What a great idea! Let's leave the house at the hottest part of the day, driving into the sun for half an hour, while the a/c in the car has stopped working. Yay.

We spent the first 10 - 15 minutes that we were there just trying to cool off enough to be social, and the rest of the time with a fan pointed at us.

He vowed to stop on the way home and buy me a fan, but failed to take into account that for some reason, every single store in the entire metropolitan area closes at 11 pm. His friends were nice enough to let us borrow their fan for the evening, and I did manage to get some sleep. Cuddlebug woke up early the next morning and his first errand was to go buy a fan, then to get his hair cut.

Everyone was gone when I woke up, so I got to try to make bacon and eggs for myself in a kitchen I'd never used (I would have just had cereal, but she specifically bought groceries for us so that we could have stuff to eat while we were there, so I felt obligated).

Incidentally, and I did NOT mention this to anyone, I left the gas stove burner on for several hours before I happened to notice the wavy lines in the shadow that the stove was casting on the counter and turned it off. Sorry I almost blew up the house.

Then the dinner party! I got dressed up and Cuddlebug told me I looked like a princess, which was amazing. There were more people there than I was led to believe there would be, probably 8 or so. I did put my ear plugs in after a while.

I ate eggplant parm for the first time and surprisingly really enjoyed it! I also had pâté for possibly the first time, and wow! Good things happening! (I would eat a lot of leftover pâté and crackers in the next couple of days.)

There was a weird situation in which we were conscripted into prayer, which resulted in a lot of incredulous facial expressions back and forth, and frantic texts to each other and our group chat.

Later I had the best carrot cake I've ever eaten, which was a wonderful experience.

Luckily Cuddlebug was not particularly concerned with sticking around for the entire shindig once dessert had been finished. We were sitting at the dining room table, and this boy, I swear...he turns to his mother and says:

CB: We're probably gonna head to the bedroom after this.

His poor mother's eyes nearly popped out of her head. That could not have been the best way to word that. He basically said to her "Nice party; we're gonna go bang".

Which we didn't! We just wanted to turn the fan on and lie down and not be in the middle of the weirdness of the party. He passed out almost immediately, because he's a very good napper.

After he woke up it was time for Late Night Car Repair, brought to you by the two people in the goddamn world who know the least about car repair.

Idk why he decided that it would be a good idea to try to address the issue himself, but the fact that it took 5 minutes and a screwdriver for us to figure out how to open the hood of the car should give you an indication of how well the whole thing went.

30 minutes later:

Cuddlebug: So, love, here's what we're going to do (and by "we" I mean "me"). We're going to return the $31 DIY kit to Wal-Mart, and we're gonna pay someone $10 to put freon in the car.

Took him a while, but he got there.

Some days we win, and some days we learn. That was a learning day.

The next day it was determined that the air compressor was broken, and they applied some kind of temporary fix that would hopefully last until we got home.

Predictable Spoiler: It did not. At all. Even a little.

But the night that we were messing with the car, we were lying in bed cuddling and we were apparently both thinking the same thing, because he thoughtfully said something about how it was nice to do stuff like that with me, because with his parents it would have been a huge argument from the first time the hood wouldn't open, and I thanked him for not yelling at me like my dad absolutely would have.

It seems we took our childhood trauma in opposite directions: I'm bothered by everything and he's super chill. It's a nice balance, as long as we're able to communicate when those things don't mesh.

There was one day, and I can't recall exactly where it fits in the timeline, where we had An Incident. We were unclear about when a thing was supposed to be happening, and he was very insistent that he was correct and I was wrong. He called his friend to settle it for us, and I was indeed wrong [in the long run, it turned out we were BOTH wrong, but we didn't know that yet], but he went a little too hard on teasing me about my wrongness. It upset me and I spent some time in the other room painting and listening to a podcast, leaving him on the couch by himself.

The good news is, though, when I had calmed down enough, I went to go lie on top of him - we talked it out, and he was super apologetic and asked what he/we could do differently going forward. He's a brat - with increasing intensity when he's happy/excited - but he'll always fuck off if he knows he's actually upsetting me, and I'm working on being able to articulate that in the moment instead of just shutting down.

The one thing I had said I wanted while we were in town was some really good tacos, but because of the a/c being out in the car, I didn't want to be in the car any more than necessary. So the day we were set to leave, he got up early and went to get tacos for both of us and brought them back so we could have lunch first. A good boy, all around.

Also, FUCK those were good tacos. I'd go back just for that.

The drive home was...an experience.

The a/c didn't work at all. We stopped every hour or so for bathroom breaks and cooling off, and refilling my water bottle with ice. We had the fan that he bought for the bedroom plugged into an adapter (which he bought for this purpose) so it would run in the car, where I held it on my lap and it blew hot air around in a way that was sort of helpful. We listened to podcasts and I took turns pointing the fan at each of us. The first stop we made, I went into the bathroom and every item of clothing I was wearing was completely soaked through, to the point that I said fuck it and took off my bra and stuffed it into my purse.

We made it home in decent time, 70% alive, and me with a very bad headache. It was without a doubt the worst car ride of my life that didn't involve a Bathroom Incident - but we made it through without being mean to each other, which is a bonus (and a shock for me, as I tend to get very cranky when I'm overheated).

The next few days were pretty chill, in between one road trip and the next.

One day he was on his way home from work, and asked me if I could help him get stuff out of the car. I met him outside, where he handed me a 2-liter bottle of Dr Pepper.

And then a second. And a third.

I looked at him expectantly, waiting for an explanation, and he says "Oh, can you hold more?"

So he hands me a fourth. And then a fifth.

And then I'm standing there in the street holding six 2-liter bottles (which I wasn't aware I could do), and I received 0 explanation. I guess they were on sale.

Cuddlebug tells me I'm so smart all the time. But it's almost always for dumb, simple shit. And it's not that he's mocking me, it's that he's A Bachelor and it has never occurred to him to do things.

Example: He has a bathrobe that he wears when he's chilling or whatever, and he would always just toss it on the bed or his desk chair whenever he wasn't using it. One day I kind of absently hung it on the hat rack on his bedroom door and he didn't say anything about it, but I noticed he started hanging it up there after that. Same with his backpack, which he normally throws on the shoe pile next to his door, and while we were cleaning up his bedroom one day I hung it on the doorknob and it just blew his damn mind.

It's this very zen approach that he has, where as long as something is "good enough" he'll never question it, but he does get excited about new ideas.

I got him a power strip because I was tired of having to unplug his lamp to plug in the phone charger. And a phone-holder that clips to his air vent in the car so it's not sliding around and falling under his seat when he brakes too hard. And new pillows. He's frugal, but I like to encourage him to raise his standard of living a little bit in ways that I think are impactful (especially if they positively affect me).

Random convos I noted:

Me: Have you ever been in a fight?

CB: Define "fight".

Me: That sounds like a "no".

CB: Like someone hit me and I fell down.

Me: If you didn't do anything, that's not really a fight, that's just getting beaten up.

CB: I didn't get beat up! He hit me once and I fell down and he ran away.

Me: That's still not a fight.

Also

CB: What are you watching?

Me: Sonic the Hedgehog.

CB: *very concerned* Baby, are you okay?? Do you need me to entertain you??

Hey, man. It's a very cute movie.

And then it was time for Trip #2: Wedding Boogaloo.

His best friend (the Groom) and he (the Best Man) had come up with a plan where, because Bride & Groom had to drive through our area anyway, they'd pick us up and we'd all go together and share a hotel room for the week. Apparently I'm the only one who thought it was a weird arrangement, but alright.

They ended up getting in a car wreck the day they were supposed to come get us (they're both fine), so they didn't leave until the next day, and we got to enjoy a big fancy rental car for our trip.

When we were loading into the car, I asked which sides they wanted us on. Bride looked at Cuddlebug and was like "...you should sit behind Groom." And then she put in ear plugs.

I don't blame her; he is The Loudest Boy, and when the two men get together they're very rowdy. We had a good 6 or 7 hours to go.

The hotel we stayed at was fancy, but the rooms were super basic. We had a mini-fridge but no microwave. The bathroom door kept sticking, to the extent that each of us got trapped in it at least once. The fitted sheets would NOT stay on the beds. The tv broke on our last day there and we had to be pretty assertive about getting it switched out. The staff were all nice and willing to help out when needed, but it didn't seem like they had a lot to work with.

Our first full day there, the power went out as we were heading out for lunch - not just at the hotel but that whole side of town. Luckily they have a backup generator so the elevators still worked, because we were up on the 5th floor.

When we got back around 6:30 pm, it was still out. Summer is truly the worst season.

I don't remember what led to this conversation, but

CB: something something you have blue eyes -

Me: Excuse me?

CB: Wait, what color are your eyes? *looks* Okay so your eyes are green. When did you change them? Did you used to have blue eyes?

Me: Yeah, until I was 5 or 6.

CB: Wait, are you memeing?

Me: ...no?

Apparently it's not common knowledge that most Caucasian babies are born with blue eyes.

I'll take this next part out if he decides he's not comfortable with me sharing, but I thought it was funny.

I got to learn some things since meeting this best friend of his, Groom. They were friends in high school - back when Cuddlebug was a goody-goody hetero introvert - and always made the kinds of excessively-gay joking comments and noises to each other that straight guys seem to consider a solid foundation for friendship.

So when Cuddlebug was in college and ended up dating this cute frat guy, he was telling Groom about it over the phone, and it took a considerable amount of time for him to understand that Cuddlebug wasn't just fucking with him.

And it's nice that Groom, being the stand-up guy that he is, is still 100% comfortable with them making the same kinds of comments to each other constantly.

Random things:

No one is less concerned about germs than Cuddlebug, whom I watched eat pretzel sticks directly off a hotel bedspread.

There was a day where I asked him to proofread a document for me, and he took it so seriously that I wanted to smush his little face. He even suggested a few places I could add commas, which was hot as fuck. I fucking love commas.

We did end up in one situation where I was getting ready and trying to figure something out and Cuddlebug was trying to get me to do it differently and I was able to say to him "You are making this unnecessarily stressful for me", so I feel like I'm getting better at communicating.

He has started being super quiet in the morning if he wakes up before me, to try not to wake me up because I'm such a light sleeper. It doesn't always work completely, but I can usually get back to sleep. It's very considerate and very cute, and I appreciate it immensely.

We got to have one nice rainy day, where we went to Bride's brother's house and ate ice cream cake and hung out in the hot tub.

Oh we also had a fun experience where someone was in the bathroom, so I asked if there was another, and was told there was one downstairs. They failed to mention that there was no toilet paper in that bathroom. So we got a questionable relationship milestone: Cuddlebug got to bring me tp while I was in the bathroom.

Then The Wedding.

It was pouring down rain to an absurd degree for a lot of the day, including the part where we were bringing in things from the car to set up the hall for the reception.

We helped with that, then scorfed some emergency McD's and went to get ourselves ready, and I was having a really swell time!

Cuddlebug was obsessed with every part of my outfit; he loved my hair and my makeup and my dress and my petticoat and my shoes - and he looked damn cute himself. I was feeling adorable and loved and great! We even took some pictures together.

Because we really only knew the Bride and Groom, we were both being anti-social and playing on our phones - me taking pictures and catching Pokemon, and him researching stats on same-sex relationships to help a friend win an argument against her homophobic cousin (in between Best Man duties). Cake was being eaten, everything was great.

Except I was intermittently thinking about the wedding I went to almost exactly a year prior with Dr. Strangelove, where I was wearing the same outfit and everything (my summertime non-white formalwear selection is limited).

I asked Cuddlebug if he'd dance with me on a slow song, and he said no, even when I pouted. I was more upset than I thought I'd be, and I couldn't really pinpoint why. I started to freak out and I couldn't talk to him because I was trying so hard not to cry - which I didn't want to do because we were at the table at the front of the room facing everyone. I had to go to the bathroom where I could sob unobserved and sort through my feelings.

What I landed on was that "dancing at weddings" was one of those rare circumstances in which Dr. Strangelove would look at me with this really powerful expression of absolute adoration, and it was incredibly special to me.

I wasn't that upset that Cuddlebug wouldn't dance with me - I don't care that much about dancing - and if it were under any other circumstances I probably would have shrugged it off. But in that moment I was having to face the fact that in 8 years, there were maybe a dozen times that Dr. Strangelove looked at me that way, that way that made me feel adored and special and worthy.

And Cuddlebug looks at me that way every. goddamn. day.

I eventually gathered my faculties enough to text him from the bathroom.

Me: I'm sorry, I'm freaking out. I'm gonna need a bit.

CB: It's no worries love and thank you very much for telling me. I went to the room and will be back in an hour.

Me: Okay. I'm not mad at you. I'll try to explain when I'm not actively crying.

CB: Ok love. I'm not mad at you either and can give you all the space you need.

He's a cute boy, and his ability to communicate openly is such a blessing. Super supportive.

I joined him in the hotel room, where he helped me take my fancy shoes off and then let me cry on him until I could explain what was going on, and then he loved on me and we cuddled until I felt better, and then we watched Whiplash.

As an aside - and I mention this not (strictly) for boyfriend-praising purposes but because it's interesting to me on an emotional level - around this point in our trip I was thinking about how I felt very happy and very dumb, for the stupid reason that I think my boyfriend is super hot.

Stick with me here.

It's like those stories you hear about girls who date guys and they're like "Idk kissing is just kinda gross and weird; that's how it is, ofc everyone feels that way because mashing your mouth up against a guy is not a fun thing to do" and then one day they kiss a girl and they're like "ohhhhh wait..." (Except he's still a boy.)

It's definitely one of those demisexual-adjacent things, where the more I've gotten to know him and care about him, the hotter I find him. But truly, the amount and intensity with which I ogle him is ridiculous. Not that I don't think I should find him so attractive, but just that I'm surprised by it because I've never felt it to this extent with someone I'm dating.

Stupid sexy boyfriend.

Usually the drive home from somewhere seems shorter than the ride there, but this one seemed longer - I think because I was just impatient to get back home, and because we spent most of the time talking instead of zoning out listening to music.

Finally we returned home! I went back to my house, yada yada yada I moved into my new house (with Meeko Neko!) later that week. The last couple of weeks have mostly been getting unpacked/organized/cleaned, and trying not to melt - sitting in my room with the blackout curtains drawn and multiple fans pointed at me, misting myself with a water bottle like I'm a small frog. We've got probably another month and a half before it starts to cool off, and Meeko Neko is content to keep the house between 78° and 80°.

Cuddlebug spent a couple nights at the new place with me, which was nice. I now have two blankets on the bed, so I can have a lighter one to myself and he can wrap himself up in the big duvet like a cozy little boyfriend-burrito and I don't have to try to wrestle it away from him in the morning when I'm cold.

Aside from thermostatic disagreements, Meeko Neko has been nice and fun, taking me out for the ethnic food I've missed in the too-white area I was living in, cuddling, feeding me vegan food, and helping with house stuff. We went to the movies the other night and saw The Black Phone, which was SO GOOD. I finally have a roommate I can watch spooky movies with!!!

I'm low on funds and I need to do more cleaning and organizing before I feel comfortable having anyone new over, so that's about it for now.

In other news, I'm going to be cutting back the blog to just Tues/Wed/Thur so I can spend more time job-hunting and working on other projects. Tuesday and Wednesday will stay the same, and Thursday will absorb anything that may have been content for Monday and Friday.

Hope you enjoyed this absurdly long recap!

#Spotify #dating #okcupid #poly #relationships

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perihel1on · 7 years

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sometimes when im feeling shitty and have the urge to listen to depressing music im like ‘dude no that’ll only make it worse’ but actually pretty much every time it helps bc like...... idk it gives a direction to my bad feelings and lets me process them sorta, otherwise theyre just There, like...... its Cleansing? the playlist gets over n i kinda feel like i let it out, like that refreshed after-cry feeling except for the crying part is (usually) optional

#aphelion.txt #i process a lot of my emotions through music i think #if i go through a period where i don't listen to much music i start feeling more... unreal #and a lot of the ways i know to make sense of feelings come from songs #like lyrics that really resonated #i find the words and then they just become a part of me? my emotional repertoire?#idk #thats why 8tracks (and now playmoss lmao) was such an important coping mechanism #on bad days i'd listen for literally probably.... 5 hours out of the day #'2 hours a week' lmao #but... yeah #im so glad and thankful to all the new bands and music i encountered in 2016 #i'm working on an 18th birthday mix for us actually... heh #Gotta Get My Feelings In Order About This #(ill stop whisper-ranting in the tags now ok hah)#lee blogging

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obeymematches · 3 years

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moving in with with your om! bf (GN MC) (not nsfw)

inspired by irl events🙈 see more at the end of this post dfghj

HoL = House of Lamentation

Lucifer: Stays in HoL but possibly renovates it a little bit to have more privacy. (as a compromise in case you reaaally didn't want to stay there - now you have your own bathroom + a small kitchen)

His brothers still depend on him so you continue to share family moments. (which isn't too bad, Lucifer is usually busy so sometimes you might actually want their company) Though now you get noticeably more alone time together - which makes him realize how it would've been a good idea to actually move out (he'd immediately regret that tho because he very care family).

Helps out with chores most of the time. Going OUT on dates is a must at least once a week or so otherwise both of you lose your minds. Nothing else changes, really. Mammon: More likely to move in with you in the human world but would (slightly) prefer the Devildom. (he'd only do that tho if he can secure a spot in a safer area for your sake. even if you are a powerful sorcerer.) Paying rent&bills is going to require hustle which might be a reason why you have to move back into HoL. (though...in canon if he is in love with u, u get rich even if u do nothing...so that'd be handy in this case) Definitely enjoys how he gets to keep you for himself and he is living for the small moments with you (such as morning cuddles) but also! with you everything is much more fun, even if both of you work multiple shifts; after each day you are so tired you can barely watch a movie. Both of you visit HoL on the regular.

Leviathan: The only reason he'd do it is to get more alone time with you. Would take ages to actually do it, but he'd prefer to live in the human world with you (it's safer + its better for anime and gaming). (Lucifer is against the idea which also slows down the process but he eventually gives in). You'd probably have an apartment in a city with fast internet connection (dw he's done his research) and where you can afford rent. He works from home (either esports or programming) so he is always there to greet you when you get home. Decorates the entire apartment with figurines and posters plus there is never enough space for him. Henry is there also. You'd think he cooks / bakes and you'd be wrong. 92% of the time it's take-out food time. Definitely needs help with chores at first but gets the hang of it easily. Occasionally you visit HoL.

Satan: Definitely would rather moving out and renting an apartment. I think he'd prefer the human world. I feel like he'd want to change cities often (every 3-5 yrs or so). He is a curious demon and there is always so much to learn about humans. Very domestic. Does the chores and he does them well. You can never complain. Somehow can balance work & you & chores. (probably needs explanation sometimes with equipment he isn't familiar with but we can excuse that) Every weekend is date weekend where you learn something new about each other and the culture of the country. Asmo visits every month or so & stays for ~3 days.

Asmodeus: hmm...i think he'd let you decide on the realm but he picks the exact location. He picks a very busy area with rich nightlife, but to your surprise he only participates like a couple of times a week, usually with you. Listen he adores being with you. Posts about your life together very often. Would start a new vlogging channel if you'd let him. Rent & bills are No Big Deal, though at first he is shocked at how expensive they are. Is fine with most of the chores but since he refuses to do the dishes, when it's him on dinner duty you both go on a date instead. Beelzebub: Refuses to move out if Belphie can't come, unless it's literally the house next to HoL. (/closest to. i'm not sure if they have like. a close neighbour) Rather domestic, does the chores and puts in work to get the bills. Sometimes you might not find him at home - he is either getting groceries or decided to visit Belphie. Would rather have a movie night with you than going out on a date. Depending on what kind of house it is, he might pick up gardening as a hobby. Belphegor: Similar to his twin he'd prefer staying close to him if possible, but if that can't happen he's fine with moving in with you in the human world. (yes he prefers that over the Devildom) Lucifer doesn't like this idea at all so you probably need to convince him.

Bills might be an issue as he keeps losing jobs but you can't really blame him for that, can you. Regaring chores, he only does the groceries, vacuuming, laundry, and changing sheets, everything else is up to you. Every Sunday you spend sleeping in & cuddling. Beelzebub visits you every week, usually on the weekends.

The rest of the characters are under the cut... long post

Barbatos: Hm... I think you'd probably need to move in the castle, or a small apartment very near. It is because of his job obviously, can't help it.

As he is the royal butler I imagine you wouldn't need to worry about bills / rent because. Yeah. Chores, on the other hand, fall on you very often - sometimes his job requires him to be there 24 hours a day. Even when he has more break time he'd rather not do chores at home as well because then he'd literally have no time left to spend with you. But when he can afford to do them, he definitely helps out & does them better than you (no shame in that tho he does this for a living)

Diavolo: Pretty obviously you move in the castle. No rent & no chores to worry about unless you are desperate to help Barbatos out.

He'd spend literally all his time with you if he could & Lucifer often scolds him for it. Neglecting work isn't a good idea right.

Every weekend there is something new to do, he spends lots of time thinking about how you are going to spend it. Also this would be the first time(s) you'd actually see him stress about work, since you live close enough to him now. (obviously he mentioned it many times before but that's a different experience) Solomon: Honestly you are free to choose where you'd want to live as he'd follow you anywhere.

Tbh I'm not sure about his finances but I'd like to imagine you don't have to worry about paying the bills. (as in: you have to work too if possible but that's ok)

He does his chores but he does them his way. If you do them differently he might comment but usually he just lets you be. It's entertaining to learn how many different ways there are to,,, doing dishes.

Simeon: Definitely prefers the Celestial Realm & I don't think there is much you can do to negotiate if you want to live with him. Similar to Solomon, paychecks aren't a big deal but it's something to consider; if possible you'd need to work to help out.

He has his favourite chores to do but occasionally he helps out with others as well, especially if he sees you might struggle / hate one.

a/n: for those wondering... no we didn't move in together yet because i'm still waiting for my vaccine... but once it's done we're ready<3 i'm a little bit nervous ngl but i'm so excited also dfgh

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stealingpotatoes · 3 years

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I am OBSESSED with your Desmond lives AU!! I want Shaun and Rebecca to be able to give Desmond all the hugs, I want Desmond to be able to choose to be an Assassin, to be able to help save the world again. Also, I am very curious about how you would resurrect Desmond, because I’ve had similar thoughts on such an AU, but I currently stick it near the end of Valhalla with the stuff that happens there. If you ever feel like expanding on it, I'd be super excited to see more!!!

first of all, AH THANK YOU!!! Yes those are ALL points that are very important to the Des Lives AU! Second of all, thank you so much for this ask in general!!! I was hoping someone would send an ask like this so I’d get an excuse to talk abt the AU more lmao XD!! I made this AU back in March last year, so there’s no Valhalla stuff in it, and it’s set right after/ during the Odyssey DLCs.

The long story short for my Desmond Rez (rezmond, if you will) is “shroud of eden, abstergo, and some Isu bullshit”. The long story long, however, is uh- you know what? I’m going to use this opportunity to explain the vague story I worked out last year -- but dw, I WILL get to the full ressurection explanation I thought through. However... I’m gonna have to tell the story in smaller parts because I’m lazy and can’t be bothered to write the whole thing out right now. So rez comes later and not in this post.

also uh-- before we start: I’m going to apologise for like… everything about the way I wrote this. It’s sort-of half fic, half that-way-your-friends-colloquially-tell-stories-that-you-can’t-keep-up-with. Mainly the latter. If you can make sense of this babbling, well done.

Anyways, without further ado, welcome to:

POTES TRIES TO EXPLAIN HER DESMOND (SORTA) LIVES AU: PART ONE

On the 21st of December 2012, Desmond Miles dies.

It’s not for nothing -- his sacrifice saves the entire world from a solar flare -- but he is dead. big ripz. The Assassins, his family, do not manage to recover his body. Abstergo gets it first. The Assassins hold a funeral as best they can. They mourn (all in their own ways), they keep fighting (for his memory), and they try to move on (they can’t).

On the 21st of December 2012, Desmond Miles died -- so when he shows up in a city in October 2018, almost 6 years later, it’s a bit of a shock for everyone. What’s even more of a shock is the fact he’s glowing like an Isu and has some abilities he DEFINITELY didn’t have when he died.

So Desmond wakes up in the middle of some city in he doesn’t know where (yeah ok i just never really worked out where the secret lab would be), with 1. no idea of how he got there and 2. no idea why his arms are glowing like that. He doesn’t get much time to think about it because then there’re a load of Abstergo goons with guns surrounding him. Des may have no idea what’s happening, but he knows one thing: when u see an Abstergo, it’s on sight. So he’s fighting them -- which is admittedly not fun or easy when you’re in the middle of a road and only have your fists as weapons. It’s not going well and then someone definitely manages to shoot Desmond which is very bad -- but then Des feels some very weird (but not unfamiliar) feeling and when he looks up from the bullet wound, every one of the Abstergos are on the floor???? He doesn’t think to check if they’re dead, just legs it out of there lmao.

Elsewhere, in an Assassin safehouse in an undisclosed location (can you tell I just didn’t think about the geography of anything), Mr Shaun Hastings is chilling on a balcony after a mission well done. Good for him. Then Rebecca Crane (queen ilu) yells “Shaun?” from inside.

“Rebecca?”

“Come inside. Now.”

Shaun immediately does so because he assumes it’s important or they’re under threat. “What happened? Have we been compromised?”

Rebecca doesn’t answer.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Shaun says, mostly joking and with a little smirk -- though Becs looks spooked.

“Desmond’s alive.”

Shaun’s not smirking anymore. “What?”

“Desmond’s... he’s alive.”

“What are you talking about? Are you high?” he’s totally about to look at her eyes to see if they’re all dilated and druggy.

“No Shaun, I mean it!” Becs harshly shoves her tablet into his hands.

Shaun doesn’t really know what he’s expecting to see when he looks down at the screen. What he’s not really expecting to see is Desmond Miles, who’s been dead for six years, fighting a load of Abstergo people -- while lined in Isu markings (also he’s not wearing a shirt forgot got to mention). ??? But wtf??!?! Desmond’s dead. That’s...

“It’s security camera footage from [the city]... About two hours ago.” Rebecca then swipes through more footage with shaky hands and explains that Des very violently burst out of an Abstergo facility in the city with glowing eyes and light leaking out of him (almost like an Apple of Eden). Then the glowing eyes and shining lights shuts off abruptly and Des is standing in the middle of the road looking very confused at his precursor-ass arms and chest. But Shaun is barely listening to what she’s saying and barely even looking at the screen.

“Where did you get this?” Shaun asks with a hollow voice, not looking up.

“The Initiates.” (bc who else)

Shaun looks at it again, then at Rebecca, and he’s mildly aware of the fact he’s slightly tearing up; “That’s fake. That can’t be him. He’s dead, Becs. We both saw the…” They both saw the autopsy footage the ac4 researcher got from Abstergo -- or at least, tried to watch it; they shut it off as soon as Shaun ran to the bathroom to throw up and Rebecca quickly joined him. They spent the rest of that night crying and drinking way too much.

“He died.” Shaun concludes firmly.

And so Becs is all like “yeah but what if he didn’t?? We need to find him. We need to investigate this.” There’s a determination in her eyes and Shaun knows he’s not going to be able to convince her to drop this -- not that he would. Desmond might be alive, and there is no way they’re going to leave him again.

They’re both standing there in pure shock and confusion, not saying anything.

Rebecca’s comm device lights up and starts buzzing, snapping them out of their general ????-ness. Becs goes to her desk to grab it, glances at the caller id and then shows it to Shaun. It’s William Miles.

The two of them share a Look. They know what he’s calling about -- what else would it be? There’s a stilted moment of neither of them doing anything before Rebecca finally accepts the call. “William?”

“How quickly can you and Shaun get to [city]?” William sounds shaken -- probably the same way Rebecca and Shaun are -- which is a very weird way to hear the Mentor of the Brotherhood sound. He’s seen the footage, hasn’t he?

“In a few hours,” Rebecca replies.

“Good. You need to get there as soon as possible.”

Everyone’s silent for a few moments.

“Is this about Desmond?” Rebecca asks. Dumb question.

There’s a pause. “You’ll be briefed on the ground.” And then he hangs up before Shaun or Rebecca can yell at him.

This is all moving very fast. Shaun and Rebecca share another look. Guess they’re going to [city]. ???

Fast forward several hours and Rebecca and Shaun are in The City [might just have to make the city london bc it’s the one city i actually know well -- however for plot reasons we’ll see later, a swiss city might be better… moving on!]. They get to an assassin base and meet up with Galina Voronina and 2 local assassins. Idk if you’ve read the comics, but to sum things up quickly, Galina and her team were investigating and then ended Project Phoenix -- so Galina now really wants to find out if the whole Desmond thing has anything to do with that.

Galina also wants to help Shaun and Rebecca get their friend back. They’re her friends, but equally she just lost one of her teammates to Abstergo (while ending Phoenix like 2 months ago, in the comics) and is uh- idk how to say it but she wants to help Shaun & Becs who have a chance to get their lost teammate back.

What follows is cool gang-gang trying to track down any trace of Desmond. You’d think it wouldn’t be hard to find a person who literally glows, but Desmond’s had centuries of Assassin training and knows how to hide lol.. which is making the Assassins’ job harder lol.

What’s making it even harder is the Assassins know they have to be quick because they know Abstergo is gonna be looking for Desmond too -- and they have way more resources and stuff. That being said, they’re also currently dealing with the fact one of their building and a decent amount of their guards just got absolutely mullered by weird-glowing-desmond.

The third issue with their entire thing is that they have no idea what they’re going to find when they find Desmond -- or if he even is Desmond. Is he going to be the man they knew but with weird powers? an Abstergo isu-clone? evil? they don’t know, and so they know they’ve got to be wary with him.

The Assassin gang spend some time (a couple of days at the very most) trying to track Desmond down. Rebecca is using all the tech she can get her hacker mitts on to find a trace of him and equally throw Abstergo off Des’ trail.

Soon enough, they get a solid lead -- don’t ask for the specifics, i don’t know them. But they get a lead, and it winds them up in an abandoned apartment building or also abandoned building site or something (a building in the city where there aren’t any people, basically).

Galina scans the place with Eagle Vision and she’s like “There is something very strange about this place.” (someone?) But she doesn’t see a person-shape anywhere. The 5 of them are hopeful but somewhat on edge.

They go about searching for any sign of Desmond. Galina’s pretty sure her Eagle Vision is just… Messing Up A Lot lol. Like something’s trying to heck with it. So she’s not quite sure it’s working correctly when a load of red figures appear somewhere below them.

She becomes a lot more sure when the red figures come into sight and START SHOOTING AT THEM! IT’S ABSTERGO!! CRAP! they found them!!

The assassins get down and a really cool fight scene w them vs the Abstergos in the building/ building site starts playing out. Woo Shaun and Rebecca electro-hidden-blade moments!! The fight splits the squad up and Shaun and Rebecca are away from Galina & the others -- but they dispatch the Abstergo guards near them.

They’re about to radio in that they’re all okay/ check if Galina & co are also good when they hear a slightly-too-loud footstep. They whip around to see an Abstergo guard aiming right at them, too far for either of them to get him before he shoots them. crap crap crap.

They would have been shot -- if someone hadn’t come up behind the Abstergo guard and snapped his neck (ouch).

The Abstergo drops to the ground, revealing the person who saved them and… Shaun and Rebecca stare in shock.

They’re both looking at Desmond Miles.

Desmond Miles, who is very much alive (and wearing a hoodie that is 100% stolen). And… with a load of glowing yellow lines on his face. But it’s Desmond -- it’s Desmond for sure. Holy shit.

Desmond doesn’t seem so shocked, only relieved to see them. Then his expression turns into serious confusion;

“What the fuck is happening?”

///

ok sorry leaving it there for now! hope you enjoyed what is here will continue soon

#desmond (sorta) lives au #desmond miles #rebecca crane #shaun hastings #galina voronina #william miles #Assassin's Creed #THANK YOU FOR THIS ASK i saw it this morning and have spent the day wanting to write this down but being in lessons /:#i know it's a complete mess however you'll have to excuse me i got excited #you opened a can of worms darling anon #I know I just used it as an excuse to Go Off but uh... sorry lol #asscreed #potes wrotes #sort of #thanks for the ask!#the night that the sun came up

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fangirl-everythang · 3 years

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Happy Father's Day Part 3

Summary: 3/3 Well, its the last part.

Warning: Sad, Mentions Death.

Word Count: 2269

"Harry? " I answer the phone.

"It's not Harry but glad you know your numbers." that high pitch annoying ass voice squeals. Rubbing my stomach, the baby's in go position and any day now my oven will be done baking. And of course, this bitch is answering his phone.

"Well bye-bye just thought you should know where he was at. " In the background, I hear Harry's voice going on about something so it must be true. Hanging up I sigh letting the hot tears roll down my cheeks. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I blame myself really, I let him back into my life and this doesn't surprise me. I gotta pee.

Waddling over to the bathroom door a gasp leaves my mouth feeling the surge of liquids fall between my legs. Holy shit. My water broke! Fuck gotta go. Thankful my bag was already in the car. Harry had insisted once I hit the 36-week mark claiming Styles's are either early or fashionably late.

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. My knuckles turning white as I grasp the wheel. Nope, I'm not pushing anything out of my vagina. Can't do it. I refuse.

The contraction going away after a few brief moments of completely unreasonable pain. Dialing the numbers, I know by second nature, thankfully she picks up on the fourth ring.

"I don't think you should drive y/n"

" Just call 911. I'm almost there! " Gemma ecstatically shouts. She's just like her brother, "Where's Harrold? "

I put the seatbelt on and wince. It's just 28 minutes I can do this. "He's with his whore."

I can hear an audible gasp, "he wouldn't he's so excited for Athena"

"Well I just called him and she answered. " I grunt keeping my eyes on the two lanes ahead of me. Fuck I hate merging lanes people don't know how to drive.

"I'll be at the hospital as soon as possible but my phones gonna-" the line went dead. She did say she was on like 10% oh well.

I can do this just focus y/n. "Hear that baby girl we're almost there, hang on okay Hunny. " I say as a reminder to myself that soon I'll be leaving with another human with me.

6 miles to go that's what I'm talking about, another sharp pain spreads throughout my abdomen while waiting for the light to turn green. "OH COME ON. FOR FUCKS SAKE!" they're getting closer by the minute. Shit. Arriving at a four-way intersection. I'm relieved to be at a red light, the contractions are longer and much more frequent. "Almost there Athena, this is the last light and a straight shot from there."

Abruptly my car is jerked forward with a sharp impact pushing to the oncoming lights. All I see are lights from both directions colliding with my 3,000-pound piece of metal. Sounds of shattering glass and sirens are the last thing I hear before it all fades to black.

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Harry's POV

"Has anyone seen Mr. Style's phone?" The helpful aid asked around the dressing room. I could've sworn I put it down for a moment. Y/n could go into labor any minute now and how I am supposed to know. Fuck. I'm stupid.

I was supposed to be here to perform and list nominees and then go back home to y/n. I can't wait to propose to her, she's all I could ever want and she's giving me the most wonderful gift I could ever ask for. Running a hand through my damp hair, the lights really build a sweat, I hear a familiar voice. "Looking for this lover? " she asks slipping my phone into my pocket.

"Good luck at home. " she smiles and winks. Before I could question it she walks away.

Looking down at the device my heart skips a beat, I have 146 missed calls. And I've been gone for 5 hours. Seeing Gemma's name on the screen again I swipe to answer.

"Hell-"

"Harry," she says sniffling.

"Gemma what's wrong? did I miss it? Oh my god I hope not"

"I think it would be best if you came now Harry." she breaks her voice cracking.

"Gem what?"

"Listen Harry, she needs you right now so please." she cries. Not needing another word, I tell Jackson the address and that I need to be there as fast as possible, 45 minutes later we're pulling into the Labor and Delivery section of the hospital.

"Congrats Harry!" Jackson says letting me out at the door. "Thank you!" I beam back at him.

Seeing Gemma, her eyes are puffy with tears still flowing. "Gem what's wro-," a sharp pain to my right cheek stings. Never has Gemma hit me like that, well not since I cut her prom dress. "How could you Harry? Cheat on her again WITH TAYLOR for Christ sakes!" She yells.

"I didn't cheat," I explain to my sister as calm as I can.

She looks at me with wild eyes pulling me into a hallway with fewer people, "Then what happened Harrold?" I clench my jaw instead of speaking, how dare she accuse me of cheating on my pregnant soon-to-be fiancé. Y/n Styles has a great catch don't you think?

"Is she here yet? Gem where are they?" I ask ready to see my new family.

She begins crying again "Harry there was an accident." Those five words make my breathing come to a halt. My heart shatters in a million pieces "Is Y/n okay? What happened?" She begins walking me to a door. "This one," she points. Looking through the glass I see y/n with bruises and cuts to her beautiful face, her stomach nearly deflated from when I last saw her this morning, a cast on a swollen leg of hers, and a sling holding a very damaged arm. Tears brim at my eyes looking at my love on that hospital bed. "She's awake." Gemma walks past me running to the outside.

I gently knock on the door, waiting for a response which I don't get. "Y/n?" I approach her almost as If I were going to help an injured puppy. "Hey love" I smile at her which she glares at me and then turns wincing in pain. "You wanted this didn't you Harry?" I look at her confused. "This is probably great for you, a way out. Well leave." She states using whatever energy she can find.

"Baby I didn't want- I want you and Athena" She breaks down in uncontrollable tears.

"You were with that her and couldn't even bother to pick up your phone!" she screams. "Y/n I wasn-" a knock at the door interrupts my sentence, "Come in" She says glaring at me as a nurse opens the door.

"Hey there Mama, we have a visitor." the nurse wheel in a tiny cart that has a bunch of equipment coming from it. She looks at me and asks Y/n, "Is this dad?" she nods and rolls her eyes. "About time you made it!" She smiles my way. Placing the beautiful baby in front of us. She's so small and fragile. "The doctor will be in shortly to talk to you." She states picking up the tiny child and putting her in Y/n's arm.

"Hi pumpkin," Y/n coos into her ear. "Guess who decided to show?" She smiles, a tear falling from the corner of her eye. She nods her head towards me as I go to hold her. She's so soft and precious. Her small eyes have a gorgeous mix of both mine and Y/n's. She has such a cute round face, I couldn't imagine her looking any different.

"Hi there angel, I'm so sorry I was late." I see a spot dampen on her blanket that surrounds her, knowing that I'm crying. Her small eyes shining like twinkling stars. So small I can feel her fragile body between my large hands.

Another knock before the door opens when several doctors walk in. "Mrs. Y/ln, unfortunately, we have some bad news,"

"Oh, hello there Mr. Styles." They state acknowledging my existence. One of the female doctors places a black and white image on the lighted board illuminating the small figure.

"Unfortunately, due to the accident, Athena has suffered from what we call a fetomaternal hemorrhage."

"What exactly are you saying?" Y/n ask looking at the child still in my arms.

The slightly shorter male doctor points to the image. "This is an abscess of blood in the brain. Unfortunately, the risk is too large to operate. I'd give her another day at most."

"You m-mean," Tears start pouring down her face" I was so scared she was hurt. I-I promise I saw the light it was red, and I-I stopped but," She began heaving losing more air with each word. I gently rub her back as I cradle Athena with one arm.

"She's still being monitored but I'm afraid she won't have much longer." The first doctor breaks the silence. "According to the police report the car that struck you from behind happened to be a drunk driver, Gage Joyce." I can feel the anger surging through me. "I remember the clashing of metal, glass breaking, the sirens but it all went b-black." She mumbles, seemingly remembering the awful experience. I grab her hand in hopes of comforting her but it doesn't seem to work.

"After striking your car at 72 mph it had ample force to push your vehicle into the opposite traffic. Your vehicle took the most impact and was hit by four other cars. On scene, EMT's said you were in and out of consciousness mumbling about a baby. Taken and brought to the L&D." he finishes.

"Fetomaternal hemorrhages are often caused by trauma and sometimes can be revered but in this case, we've done all we can do." They all frown looking at the small girl still in my arms.

"No, there's got to be more you can bloody do! We're in a hospital for Christ sakes!" I exclaim, passing my daughter to the love of my life. She gently caresses her soft skin. She's literally a perfect combination of us. I cannot lose my family.

"You can leave, thank you all for your help." y/n says quietly, they oblige by her wishes and leave us with our daughter.

"Harry," she wipes a tear from her face cautious of the IV placed on her hand, "If what they say is true, I just want to spend time with her." She sniffles. I nod understanding. She looks back at the small being in her arms, "Hi pretty girl, Mommy's so happy to meet you," she unfolds the blanket from her. I sit next to her on the small bed in the room that smells of sterilization. Placing my finger near hers' she wraps her small hand around my thumb, her grip so tight for someone so small. Y/n kisses her forehead, "Harry," she runs her finger along her small legs.

"Can you sing the song?" nodding and softly singing Isn't she Lovely by Stevie Wonder, in the small hospital bed as our new life falls asleep. All night I watch her little chest rise and fall allowing y/n to get some rest soon following my two loves.

By the early morning, nurses are rushing in because of the loud beeping from the monitor, waking y/n and I. It feels like everything is happening so fast but in slow motion right in front of me. Those three words are the ones I didn't want to hear. "No! no. I have to take her home. She's gotta go home..." Y/n screams, not being able to see her face due to the tears in my eyes falling and rebuilding themselves faster than the speed of light. "Call it." One of the nurses shouts.

"Time of Death 6:18 am March 7th, 2019"

As they cleared out the room, I see her small lifeless body curled into a blanket, almost as if she were sleeping, but no longer do breaths fall from her small heart-shaped lips.

//////////////////////////

Y/n hasn't said a word since we got in the car. It's been four days since we lost Athena. She slowly climbs into the car, still sore from the accident and birth. I go to the backseat holding back my emotions and putting the empty car-seat in the trunk of the car that should have been holding three of us.

Starting the silent journey back home she continues to look out of the window, a frown etched on her mouth, tears rolling down her cheeks as she instinctively touches her somewhat deflated stomach. What kind of sick joke is this?

"Harry why were you with her?" she asks me looking down at what used to be her baby bump.

"I wasn't love, she took my phone while I was on stage." She just nods and remains silent until we pull up to the flat. She begins walking up the stairs as best she can. "Y/n wait, let me help."

"No Harry!" She yells. Pain evident in her voice, ignoring her I open the door and help her inside. "Harry I can't do this." I stare at her confused, "What can't you do y/n?"

"Us Harry. I can't look at you and not think of her." She sobs.

"Y/n we can-" I try to reason with her.

"No Harry, please just go." She whispers.

"I'm not losing both of you," I state holding back my own sobs. I feel like everything feels like it's getting smaller around me, suffocating in grief.

"You already have."

A/N: What can I say I have a thing for dark endings. Anyways I really appreciate the support loves. I hope you enjoy these! Right now I've been working on a Loki piece, I'm so excited for it. I changed the writing style tho, so it's not 1st person per usual. I think it's going pretty well so far.

xoxo Janelle

#harry #harry styles #harryx reader #y/n #harry styles and y/n #harry styles one shot #harry styles imagine #writing #imagine #oneshot #smut #fanfiction #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles blurb

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justsomefluff · 4 years

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OMG I LOVED that reaction you did, and the scenario like thing was really good!! I loved it, thank you!! Can I request another reaction (mini-scenario)? Like ATEEZ confessing to their crush while they (ATEEZ) are drunk? (San said Yeo does aegyo/is cute when drunk I'd like to see this ^^)

This is so cute, I would pay good money to see them tipsy no lie lmao. also this is fluff and crack at the same time so...I hope you like it lmao

Hongjoong:

(^ he’d do this during a drunk confession you cant change my mind ^)

Okay so when he’s drunk I feel like he sees himself as being really composed and cool

but in reality... not so much

and, even if he hadn’t been planning on confessing to you

oh boy, his body starts shaking a lil and you’re low-key like... 911?

like his body is telling him to ABORT MISSION but once his drunk brain has made the decision there's no going back

So, in his mind, this is what he’s saying out loud okay

“Y/n, I just wanted to let you know that I have some serious feelings for you. I know you may not feel the same way, but I just needed to tell you.”

Super awesome, everyone wishes to be that composed right?

Well here’s what he really said:

“Listen here, you cute mother-, no I shouldn’t swear at you, my bad. I’m totally in love with you right? Watchu think bout dat?”

and then he’s quiet, and smiling bc he’s proud of himself and you’re just like um????

like that’s not how you imagined this would go

But you also know that he’s gonna be super embarrassed about this in the morning so you just say

“Let’s talk tomorrow, Joongie?”

and he smiles at the nickname and nods and kinda puts his head down

You honestly cant wait to tell him you feel the same when he’s sober

and make fun of him for getting wasted

Seonghwa:

so Seonghwa, unlike Joong, is actually pretty composed

like at first, he’s wildin’ and everything

but then he just calms down super fast

like so fast you get whiplash

and he just smiles at you and you’re like “...freak”

then he frowns and he’s like “I like to look at pretty things that make me smile”

“You make me smile too, Hwa” :)

then he just grabs you into a hug and starts swaying you guys side to side

like some awkward and forced middle school slow-dance

“What are you doing?”

and he shushes you to preserve the moment but you're like “I want answers”

then he finally leans his head down and his lips are brushing the shell of your ear so softly you barely notice

“I think I love you”

he strikes me as the kind of person who wants to confess but also isn’t ever 100% sure he wants to confirm that he loves you so he throws that “I think” in there to cushion the blow if you reject him

but, luckily for him, you do feel the same

you just turn your head ever so slightly to the side and peck his temple

he smiles and rests his head on your shoulder and squeezes your hips before wrapping his arms around you completely

“I kinda need to hear you say it”

“I think I love you too, Hwa”

Yunho:

okay this big ole baby right

I feel like he’s the kind of drunk who is crazy for a little bit but gets tired really fast

so after like an hour of insanity, his eyes are drooping and you’ve settled on a couch (or seat, wherever your location might be)

and he smooshes his cheek into your thigh and you’re totally aware that he’s gonna fall asleep on you

but you’re cool with that, I mean who wouldn’t be

and after a couple minutes of silence, you think he’s knocked out completely

he suddenly turns his head to look up at you

and you look down at him to ask if he’s okay, or if he needs anything

he just starts laughing and then this IDIOT

pokes your double chin (bc I mean why does he have to look at you from that angle) and goes “How is it that I like you so much, even your double chin is cute?”

part of you is like “omg he likes me” and the other part of you is like “...im gonna slap him. don't talk about my double chin”

so, given your inner turmoil, you're silent for a minute and he starts to pout

“you don’t like my double chin?” and he makes a double chin and grabs your hand to make you poke it

“say you like my double chin too, please”

“Yunho, I like you too... double chin and all” (you had decided that you are not going to slap him after all)

and thats kind of the end of the night bc after that crackhead confession he actually falls asleep

but you are lucky enough that he remembers it all the next morning and it becomes kind of a thing in your relationship to make double chins at each other then say “I love you”

Yeosang:

drunk Yeosang and aegyo here we go

whiny baby voice and big eyes and pouting all the way

like he’s not so much into doing the cutesy actions like finger hearts and stuff

but refers to himself as “Sangie” and talks about himself in third person too

CLINGY

not necessarily cuddly, but always has to be holding your hand or else he’ll cry

calls you pet names like Jagi and my love and stuff

and at first you’re like aw he’s a cute drunk and tease him a little bit

but then he pouts even harder and murmurs “I'm serious”

you’re like O.O

“you mean it? you really like me, Sangie?”

nods his head furiously like you seriously think he’s gonna get a concussion for about .5 seconds

like okay I get it, you mean it, please stop doing that your head is not a maraca

“I like you too”

cue the biggest, goofiest, toothiest grin you’ve ever seen

makes big ole fishy lips at you, and points at them to ask for a kiss

so you just give him a quick peck, bc you don't really want either of you to be drunk for your first real kiss

but that satisfies him for the time being :)

San:

Sannie best boy, I cannot stress that enough

the sweetest lil drunk okay

tries to take care of you even though he’s the drunk one

thirsty? he’s gonna get up and get you a glass of whatever you want even if he spills half of it trying to give it to you

hungry? he’ll get you some if you agree to share

so halfway through a tub of ice cream he decides to lay some truth on you okay

“I like my ice cream like I like you”

and you, of course, having seen that meme, respond with “ugly?” and you cackle at your own joke

but he’s so offended

“apologize to yourself and this ice cream”

“wtf? why?”

“because ice cream is the second most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen after you. apologize”

literally holds the tub of ice cream up to your face, and will literally carve a sad face into the ice cream to make you apologize quicker

and when you apologize he eats the sad face and draws a smile

sentimental cheeseball is all he is in that moment okay

“you really think I’m pretty?”

he looks at you like “...duh”

“I think you’re pretty too, Sannie” and he smiles so big :’)

and both of you know that this would be the start of a really happy relationship aww

Mingi:

I bet Mingi is the cutest drunk okay like if you thought he was a giant puppy before get ready you aint seen nothin yet

and you don't even get a warning before he confesses bc he says it so out of the blue

like his whole plan was to drink some liquid courage iykyk and then he was gonna confess

but he ended up getting a lil more tipsy than originally intended

and he just blurts it out and he’s stuttering and lisping and just struggling to get all the right words out

but you just think it’s super endearing

“Minnie, are you drunk?”

he starts blowing raspberries in the air and starts shaking his head “you think I’m drunk?”

literally hiccuping after every word lmao

like yes, Mingi, I think you're drunk

still blowing incredulous raspberries all over the place

and you blow one on his cheek and he starts giggling like the baby he is

“why you do that”

“bc I like you too, Minnie! also you were starting to spit and I needed you to stop that”

he giggles and nods at you, just happy that you feel the same way

nuzzles his head into your shoulder and plays with your fingers for the rest of the time youre together

Wooyoung:

okay he’s a crackhead already so I don't even think alcohol would be something he’s even offered most of the time lmao

but when he is all hell breaks loose

no subtlety about his confession at all

like he literally screams it at you

he had been paying extra attention to you all night, which you didn't even notice bc you liked him too and never imagined he felt the same

so you’re like he so friendly and clingy when he’s drunk

but five minutes later he’s like “DID YOU KNOW IM IN LOVE WITH YOU”

and you’re so taken aback because

1.) he just screamed in your face

2.) he just screamed that in your face

and then he’s quiet and just staring at you, waiting for a response

you’re so dumbfounded that all you say is “you too”

but thats enough for him

“GOOD THATS AWESOME”

and thats basically the end of the conversation bc he gets easily distracted

you have to remind him the next day that that conversation had even happened actually

and he’s like “oh yeahhhhh”

then you’re able to actually talk about what you both feel and be almost normal for about ten minutes lmao

Jongho:

since he’s on the quieter side compared to the rest of the group, I think this shows even more when he’s been drinking

but it’s almost concerning how quiet he is

like if you had never seen him drunk before you’d probably be really worried

and that’s exactly what happened

you went to check on him to see why he wasn't joining in the fun and he looks at you, a little teary from the alcohol

or maybe he’s just deep in his feels who knows

we’ve all been there amiright

and he’s like “just like you a lot you know that?’

you’re like “I was most certainly unaware of that, sir”

and he apologizes??? like why???

“I like you too, doofus, why are you sorry”

then he smiles and means it for the first time that whole night

he feels like he could crack all of the apples in the world he’s so happy

side-note: he probably could break all them apples fr

so basically you just made him the happiest apple murderer in the world

he’ll break all the apples for you baby

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xanderwithanx · 3 years

Text

Chloe does night-time diary posts on HER tumblr, so I'm going to start doing them here, sometimes. It would be nice if you read it, but, please, don't feel obligated! This is more for me to write.

(I got tired of my normal journal, I guess. It's full of bad poetry anyway. Besides, where's the thrill of losing anonymity in a physical notebook?)

I've basically been asleep and depressed for several days, because I had withdrawal after not being able to get my adhd meds. But, I got it today, and DID THINGS. (This is SO much better than before!)

Today, I went to a small café or restaurant (focused on tea) called Alice's Teacup that was Alice in Wonderland themed! My long-standing obsession with Alice in Wonderland knows no bounds. It was a really cute place. I got pumpkin pancakes, and some really good iced tea. Like... REALLY good iced tea.

Still, it seemed like the entire place was geared towards having a pot of tea and snacks with your friends, which left me a bit lonely. The person I asked couldn't come, and by the time I heard back, I was more than halfway there. Still, I read Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead and watched Monty Python on my phone, so I still had a good time!

I dressed pretty eccentricly and effeminately all day, but, with my facial hair, I was ALWAYS coded as a man, even by people on the street! Pastels, a stupid hat, a crop top, and facial hair was a winning combination.

On my way, I was stopped by some guys soliciting for charity. I don't make a habit of stopping for strangers on the streets of Manhattan. What if it's a scam? What if I'm being pressured to buy something? What if it's a strange political rant? But, I had already taken my earbuds off, I wasn't in a hurry, and I'm terminally polite. The first guy said he liked my energy, which seemed to come from a genuine place, because I liked his too!

They were asking for donations for a breast cancer charity, the United Breast Cancer Foundation. After a discussion, it seems like the charity helps pay medical debt, medical bills, and other practical needs, which is much better than *some* others I could name. I regretted not being able to give their minimum there, as it was pretty high, but told them I'd give what I could when I got on the website.

I... did not. Money is tight, because I'm bad and irresponsible with money, even though this is more than a worthy cause. I didn't NEED to go to that tea place, and I don't NEED to spend so much money on food. Sure, I can justify it: I wanted to go to that place for so long, and it was near the college anyway! But, if I was responsible with money, you KNOW my friends direct fundraising drives would go first, worthy charities second. Still, I feel bad about it.

Then, I went to the college library, to get books to start my thesis research. I have literally been unable to go to the college itself, aside from getting my ID, so this was great! There just wasn't a reason. It was... very empty. I went to the library stacks, which was deathly quiet and deeply haunted by the old books. I half expected something to pop out at me, as I turned the stacks, but I wasn't even paranoid or anxious. It was like I was in something else's house. I was welcome, but on thin ice.

I picked up an irrelevant psychology book on the "schizophrenia problem" from the 1930s, out of morbid fascination, and quickly put it down when it threatened to shatter in my hands.

Some students walked past (which was a suprise in those monastic basement library stacks), and I added something to their conversation, in a totally natural and casual way. But, omg the poor girls, I made them jump! Luckily, I'm the least threatening person on earth, and we laughed it off.

After a lot of hunting, I got 5 out of my 10 books (for the most part)! (The rest are, sadly, online. I like to read physical copies.) Strangely, I only came in with a list to get 3 books out of 6.

Most of the books I got are about art in the AIDS crisis, which is the core of my thesis, I think, all with different value. One about exhibitions, one about the larger narrative of those gay artists, and another contradicting the larger narrative.

I also got a book about "Art and Homosexuality". Just, the parallel construction of both "art" and "homosexuality" across cultures and times, from earliest history to the modern age. It wasn't on my initial list, but I'm really excited to read it.

Finally, I got a book called "The Thief, the Cross and the Wheel", about the pain and spectacle of punishment in Medieval and Renaissance European art. I'm mainly interested in Italian Renaissance art of the crucifixion--and its masochism--for the second quarter of my thesis.

The rest are online, and Should mostly focus on Bacchus in the Italian Renaissance (especially through art) and what I call the art of "gay liberation", concurrent with the AIDS crisis (i.e. The Cockettes). These two topics make up the last half of my thesis.

I'm SO excited to get started!!

I even got to cross the college's sky-bridges! (The college is a few skyscrapers.) Still, the loneliness and novelty were kind of the same thought. Imagine if I had been here before COVID, or, if COVID hadn't happened. Who would I have been able to meet? What would the college buildings mean to me? Because, for now, they're just buildings. But, I got to see the street from above, and that was amazing!

Just walking through New York--the Upper East Side--on a cool, sunny day was beautiful. It takes 20-30 minutes to get from my place to the college (and the tea place), but it was great being able to listen to my music (a lot of They Might Be Giants on the playlist today) and see the city. You know, people, super cool old architecture being pushed out by terrible new architecture, and pigeons.

Oh my god, the pigeons. I took pictures, but none of them are good. I kept thinking about how pigeons and doves are functionally the same. We domesticated pigeons, which is why they're here, and no one is stopping to notice them? Even the ones that were splotched with pure white, like doves? There's only so many pigeons you can take until they're just white noise and a nuisance, I know, so don't think I'm blaming anyone! But it's so hard to look away from these quirky little birds.

Also, at one point my walk, I was vaping very strategicly. The mental task of searching through library stacks will do that to you, when you already have an addiction to nicotine. I made sure no one was around, and no one would be affected. I stopped on a corner next to an old, ornate Catholic church while the traffic light changed, and I almost juuled right next to a priest! I'm glad I stopped. I don't believe in Hell, but, I would have walked down there myself had I vaped at a priest. Still, the church advertised itself as LGBT+ friendly, so maybe they aren't so trigger happy on the damnation. Either way, I DIDN'T vape at a priest today, which is good.

Once I got back, I spent a few hours watching things with my amazing girlfriend Chloe, who you may know here as @cisphobiccommunistopinions. She is so beautiful, and I love her more every day, every time I see her. God, it's almost been 5 years!

I just wish I could spend more time with her. She's in Virginia, and I'm in New York. Like she said to me earlier, I'm flighty at the best of times, and, with my lack of object permanence for the digital world, I find myself not giving her the attention I deserve, or, the full connection I long to have with her. We used to live together. Luckily, someday we will live together again! All these problems won't be forever, and we can live together again.

We watched a lot of things, but we're pretty deep into Serial Experiments Lain right now. It's a postmodern anime from the 90s, and, wow, do I have no idea what's going on in it. It's about the internet, and potentially schizophrenia as well. However, I'm obsessed! One day I'll be able to crack this artistic code, and it's unreality, thematic knots, and double-meanings. I will probably understand it better on the second watch. I don't see myself in Lain, but I see my 14 year old self in her, when I had just developed schizophrenia. Her cyberpunk fate seems like it's railroaded towards tragedy, but I want to save her, even if it's silly and irrational.

I told Chloe that I was scared about spilling apple cider on my library books, and she referred to it as "The Great Apple Juice Disaster of September 11, 2021." To which I said that it was the second worst thing to happen in New York on that date. It was funnier if you were there, and also were in my brain at the time.

Anyway, tomorrow I'm meeting some online acquaintances from the college's "Queer Srudent Union" at a Japanese Culture Fair in a park. (I do not know which park.) It emphasizes "fun"! I don't know them very well, but they're friends with the one person I know irl, so it should be good.

Tomorrow night, I should Probably head downtown to check out a gallery show by MFA (masters of fine arts) students at Hunter! After all, I was in a group project with one of them, and they're absolutely brilliant. I missed the Thursday gallery opening by a landslide, because of the aforementioned lack of adhd meds and Being Asleep, which I infinitely regret. I could have listened to all the artists and curators talk about their art and exhibition! Maybe I could have even talked with the artists and curators. But, it's best for me to go sooner, rather than later, so I don't forget. And, I REALLY want to go.

It's "This dialogue which happened to be present in all other dialogues" at the Alyssa Davis Gallery. From the email I got, "Each of these works observes a threshold of transition. [...] [These] intimations [are] of a frame of mind shared by the artists. These works perform, record, access, engage, document, and entrap, embalming the viewer within the gallery space."

sgp is a really good artist, by the way. Their work is just next-level. Be sure to check out their art, if you have a chance. Let me link their portfolio: https://saragracepowell.com/

(I highly suspect spg and the other member of my group project ghosted me afterwards, but I understand. I was really in over my head. Still, they're both really sweet and kind people, don't get it twisted!)

I ALSO really want to see The Cake Boys. They're performing at the 3 Dollar Bill in Brooklyn on September 26th. (It's only $15!) They're the only all drag king collective in NYC! (Are... there any Other all drag king collectives out there?) Other than the fact that a lot of them are trans or nonbinary, which I love, this show is a totally non-judgmental competition for over 40 drag kings! I've heard their shows are hilarious and unique.

I just have to wait until I have $15 to spare. I... didn't eat dinner tonight, because I'm irresponsible with my money and don't want to ask my parents for money... again. Don't worry, it's literally fine, and I don't make a habit of doing this!

Which reminds me! For my birthday, my parents gave me a gift card to Lush! I'm definitely going to Lush tomorrow, which will be great. I would describe my personality as "Lush store employee acosting you about a bath bomb demonstration", so I'll fit right in.

I also made a transition timeline, to show how much I've changed on testosterone. For the better, I hope! I really believe I'm becoming, if not Have Become, the man I was always meant to be. It's so strange to look back at who I was not too long ago, and to know the absolute pain I was in. It's also strange, in a good way, to see the man looking back at me in the selfies. I'm so much happier now! Much more candid in my pictures, at least. But, I know that I'm so much more comfortable as myself than I was even 6 months ago. It's strange. Sometimes I think to myself, "I don't pass yet; I'm not who I Need To Be yet." Then, I look at my selfie from today, and... I'm THERE. My mind just hasn't caught up with my amazing, natural, normal reality.

The end. I have to get ready for bed, (even though I could be partying on a Saturday night in the city. I'm lame.) If you actually read this, I am kissing you on the mouth right now. I hope it made you calm down tonight, like a terrible bedtime story. If you didn't read it and just skipped to the end, don't worry: you did the rational thing.

#long post #diary entry

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thefirsthogokage · 3 years

Text

Time to Hate-Watch Turner and Hooch, Episode 5

Because I am bored. And I hate myself. Of you aren't ok with me hate-watching and commenting, well then this is not the post you are looking for. Please move along.

Ah, yes, reminder of the love triangle they put in a kids copaganda show for the parents. Again. Because reminder: they did that last week.

Ew, bad shaky camera work.

Oh god she was listening to that music as a personal stake out sound track by choice? Like, why?

"You're all hopped up on juice boxes and I don't like it." I did like that line.

Laura is 5 years old.

I do like the theme song.

You know what also is weird about this supposed kids show? The episodes are nearly 50 minutes long. No kid is going to pay attention to that long of an episode.

So much natural lighting and making Hooch very yellow in some scenes and not others.

I'm probably too tired to watch this tonight.

Honestly that poor girl. Such a big crush on a very oblivious dipshit.

Branden is a fucking gift to this show. Again, I am just so glad he kept acting after Power Rangers SPD. Not many former PRs stay in the business, let alone get steady work. I'm really proud of him!

Rain. This show must be filmed in Vancouver. Actually, I vaguely remember hearing it was shot there. ... (Googles)... Haha

I mean, air cold enough mid-day to see their breath + rain had to = Vancouver. I mean I guess Portland too. But either way, California my ass.

Dreary natural lighting. Classic Vancouver. I can't believe anyone could actually think this would look like California.

Having Laura recognize a lot of people so that they could give her information to make her getting the information super easy is certainly a choice... by writers who don't want to work to hard. Then again, I think this is supposed to be a a family friendly show...kind of. Line, this isn't a straight up specific demographic this is targeted towards. They just have done a few things I absolutely would not put in a kids show this day and age. Like, it honestly so bizarre to watch.

I'm not fond of stories like this. Guy is getting married, all aspects of the case have a relation to weddings. It's just too much happenstance in this episode. And I'm tired, I should have very little ability to notice most of the is shit tonight.

Oh god, this would be so painful if I wasn't so sleepy. Like, what the fuck are you doing, Laura. Well, at least this is showing Lyndsy's versatility and expressiveness. My god this is such a different character then Alex on Nikita.

Tired sidenote, my watermelon is very good.

Laura gets up to leave after getting this woman to hang out with her. The woman has to remind her that she doesn't know where she lives. I liked that.

"Thank you for your never-ending aquatic references." Ok, this show does have some good lines.

(This is honestly like kind of watching Lucifer. I hat the show, but occasionally there are so lines that I really like. Though I did stop watching Lucifer because I just hated it too much. I was only watching it out of boredom.)

I am really glad that they have a Native guest star. It's nice to see more Native rep on shows the past couple years.

Messaging: Kids, you gotta stand up for other kids being bullied because you are just as bad as the bullies if you just stand there. I'm really ok with this messaging. Good job, so that I mostly don't like.

I'm sorry, I'm so tired.

"His name was Jean-Luc-" Me: stares at camera in 'Robert Duncan McNeill directed this episode and is the primary Executive Producer on this show.'

For those of you who don't know, RDM was Tom Paris in Star Trek Voyager and a character who's name I can't remember that he also played on Star Trek TNG.

Fun fact, Tom Paris was initially going to be the same character he played on TNG, but something about rights blah blah blah, made that a no-go.

Sorry, back to me hate-watching while tired.

Oh god there are 21 minutes left.

Why is Laura holding a guinea pig? And why does she have a karaoke machine?

Why is Branden's character having a romantic time with his fiance while on a case? Ugh, the unprofessionalism. Like, aren't they only a two hour drive from home? Why is this happening? Do they think of distance like the British? Or people who live in Saint Louis? (Seriously, in Saint Louis some people think 20 minutes is a long drive. Granted, ten minutes is a long drive for me, but the position I have to sit in to drive really aggravates my Interstitial Cystitis (meaning I have to pee so, so bad the whole time I am in the car)).

I want to take this moment to apologize. I am very sorry about the tangents and the personal health and whatnot. But at this point I'm too tired to go bad and delete things or care about what else I'm going to write, so I'm just going to keep going without my filter on. Of you make it through this whole thing with me, bless you you sweet, sweet, probably bored soul.

🎶Ooo Heaven is a place on earth 🎶

Oh god, so much tomato stuff. All over the bathroom. The very white bathroom. Good luck with that...Scott? Is that our main characters name? Scott? I don't care to look it up at th- yeah it's Scott, Laura just said it.

Uh, shouldn't that have been made of metal? Either way, shitty craftsmanship if the dog could break it that easily.

That can't be how you train a bomb sniffing dog.

No way someone who's been a police officer for a few years wouldn't know that there are drugs on literally every bill.

Again, family show why?

Neither of them thought there would be a back door?

This while thing is insane. Not in anyway that I find entertaining. But I'd probably be more pissed if I it was more conscious. You should probably be reading all of my angry sounding things as just very tired and a bit sedate because of the tiredness.

I'm sorry Branden's character was a soldier in combat and he's never been shot? Unless I'm misremembering. But seriously, he doesn't know what getting shot in the vest fells like.

Oh look, the girlfriend fires at vehicles driving towards her too. In the same episode..I hate when things are related like that. Not upper level writing.

Why was the Secret Service also looking for those people? What? That can't possibly be their preview.

(Before I finished the episode, I discovered that for the second time this week, I did not get to the litter box fast enough (as in since this morning) to prevent my cat from moving the liner enough to pee between it and the box. So, at 11pm I had to go clean that out.)

Like this guy wouldn't know that he was copping to extortion by saying that.

God, why are they making this case the dad was working on (stupid arching plot in a family tv show why? For the adults who can tell this show is bad already?) even more complicated? Like, is this going to get Heroes level stupidly complex? Because that shit killed that show. Ok, so it probably won't be that bad...just the kids show equivalent of that bad.

Oh good for you, girl who's name I never learned! Quit the job with the evil boss! Please let her be OH NATALIE! Once again, thank you Laura for saying the name of the character whose name I wasn't sure of. What was I saying... Of yeah, I hope Natalie comes back and wasn't just on one episode. More native characters on TV please!

Oh wait, am I just realizing the girls in the live triangle were both on Glee, or did I remember that in a previous post? I know they were both on Glee from the moment I saw them in this show, but, like, I somehow didn't realize it was a very mini Glee reunion when they were in the same scene?

Wait, where did Scott wash Hooch if it wasn't in his own place the first time? Where was that bathroom? Wait, unless this isn't the bathroom in him home? I was definitely too tired to watch this. That might be saving me on the anger level, but it's certainly making it a bit difficult to keep track of some stuff.

Oh bad edit/consistency moment with the foam on Scott's face. Always hating to me.

Episode over.

Closing Thoughts: This show is still driving me insane with it's not on point demographic aiming and just silliness that isn't really good-silly, more like bad-silly. Also, I'm tired.

#turner and hooch #turner & hooch #disney plus #riley watches tv #long post #even though it's not that long I'm sure some people still consider it as long

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zealynstan · 5 years

Conversation

Unlabeled Interview Final Part

Isabelle: And speaking of touring, like we're saying before, someone said in here, "I wish it didn't cost so much for you to share your music and voices." We could not agree more.

Zealyn: Oh yeah.

Isabelle: Wouldn't you say?

Zealyn: Absolutely. Yeah. Oh, there's so much we would be doing if it didn't cost so much, I mean yeah, I would have a music video for every single song well done, super well done.

Isabelle: Yeah.

Zealyn: Amazing live videos. I would have- I would be on tour all the time. I, oh my gosh, there's just so many things.

Isabelle: Yeah. We would probably- I'd probably be on tour all the time if touring didn't cost us so much money.

Zealyn: Yeah! Another thing that lots of people don't know is lots of the big artists, if you want to go on tour with them, we have to buy on to it. Umm...

Isabelle: Yeah.

Zealyn: And so recently, I just got an offer to buy on to this really awesome tour. I just couldn't do it. But yeah, just- everything is a pretty penny and so-

Isabelle: Everything's a pretty penny.

Zealyn: But you know hopefully, one day and I believe it will happen one day, our music will take off and we'll finally be able to make money like good money doing music and it'll come full circle at some point. So-

Isabelle: It will. It always does. I was listening to Tyler Perry on Supersoul Conversations this morning on my drive home.

Zealyn: Nice.

Isabelle: And like, same situation. I think nobody starts at the top and I think we forget that "Oh, we see all these people at the top." And it's just discouraging until you hear their stories and you realize, "Wow, they had no money either." He was talking about putting all this money into his first play and how he thought 1200 people are gonna show up. And it was at the 14th Street Playhouse in Atlanta, which I grew up in Atlanta so I know where that was. 30 people showed up.

Zealyn: Aww.

Isabelle: So he lost his car, he didn't have rent or anything and that was like, it sucked to hear that but wow, it's inspiring. And I hope that-

Zealyn: You see where he's come from.

Isabelle: Yeah. You see everything he's gone through and that we're doing the same thing and there's nothing different about it.

Zealyn: Yeah.

Isabelle: Other than not stopping, everytime we get a "no". And that's why this podcast for me is important because I don't know how many of you are watching and I know there's dancers on here and there's singers and aspiring everything but I just hope that you realize that like there's really nothing you umm... that's gonna come easily.

Zealyn: Right.

Isabelle: All the hard things are so much better when you get them.

Zealyn: Yeah. Absolutely.

Isabelle: What is your- what's an insecurity of yours that you are fighting umm... like in your day-to-day or music or just personally? That's like a big question but-

Zealyn: Well, yeah, I mean- I don't- I think that one thing that I do that I- everyone does but I do especially is umm... living in LA for 5 years now, been able to meet a lot of incredible awesome musicians and songwriters and just so many awesome people and a lot of them are doing really good. And like actually though, it's not just "social media" really good but like they're genuinely doing so well and blowing up and always busy and I think an insecurity of mine is like, comparing myself to other people. Is that right?

Isabelle: Yeah.

Zealyn: So um... I always- I'll at least have one bad night a week where I'm just get sunk into that "Aww man! That person's doing so much better than me." and that- and it's a good thing! I'm so happy for my friends like, "Wow, she got that?" "She got that?"

Isabelle: You're not alone.

Zealyn: Yeah!

Isabelle: Everybody feels that way in life.

Zealyn: And that's why- but I think that's something that I struggle with, it's just not- I just need to stop comparing myself. Everyone's started from somewhere, everyone's path is different like it's okay if it's taking longer or, whatever.

Isabelle: Yeah, yeah. I know, but that's umm... it's really great that you said when you're really honest. Because when I look at you, I don't see that you are insecure about that at all because you're so like, in your own lane to me. But it goes to show that we are all the same in that way.

Zealyn: Yeah. Totally.

Isabelle: Those insecurities never go away no matter- even if you were probably a little more successful, you'd probably see the best above you.

Zealyn: People were doing even better right *laughs* for sure.

Isabelle: Umm... Tammy asked about social media handles, so we're just gonna plug this in real quick.

Zealyn: Oh!

Isabelle: So she's @zealyn on Instagram, and @zealynmusic on Facebook.

Zealyn: It's Z-E-A-L- Oh there it is, you can see it. Aww, wow!

Isabelle: Z-E-A-L-Y-N.

Zealyn: You're so well prepared!

Isabelle: I know, it's just me, it's all me, I don't want anyone helping me out. Umm... and then, do her a favor and go if you guys have Apple Music, Spotify, go follow her. It's the same spelling and just like actually click the follow button and like put all her songs on your playlists and actually listen to them. Don't put them on a playlist because I said so, but actually listen because all those little things help us kind of get our music heard and everything like that.

Zealyn: Totally. Yeah.

Isabelle: Umm... I had a question for you- Oh, somebody asked... I'm trying to get through comments- Hailey asked, "What's LA like?" *laughs* That's such a loaded question.

Zealyn: It is. Well, I don't know, yeah. So, I love LA, first of all, I'll start there.

Isabelle: Yeah.

Zealyn: There's nowhere else I'd rather live. I genuinely love this city, it is motivating, pushes you to do better, everyone is going hard like everyone's pushing themselves to be better than they were the day before. So that's the good thing about it. The bad thing about it is that everyone's pushing them-! *Both laugh* Everyone's doing so well, everyone is hustling and I think that's when you also get stuck in a trap of, "Wow, they're going out every week to shows and networking and I only go out once a week. Oh boy, maybe I should be networking more or-" you know, there's just- every stupid little detail, it gets in your head and umm... yeah.

Isabelle: Just don't- I don't wanna discourage everyone for coming out here but if you're gonna come out here, just know that you will be very lucky if you have instant success. I hope that you do, I really do hope that everyone can do that.

Zealyn: Yeah.

Isabelle: But if you don't have instant success, you definitely have to look deeper into the other wonderful positive things happening that may not be exactly what you asked for or wanted but those are the things that you hold onto in order to stay out here because a lot of people don't last in LA because they think, "I'll give it a year and things would go well!" It sometimes happens but a lot of times it doesn't.

Zealyn: Yeah.

Isabelle: And then it's discouraging and you're like, "Well, I'm just gonna go home." but you know, don't do that like wherever you go or if you go away to college or umm... you go to a new city like give it time. Even when I went to college and I went away from the first time, it was the hardest thing ever. I called my mother everyday like, "WHY'D YOU SENT ME AWAY? Why'd you sent me here?" and then, I was so fulfilled and happy. Ultimately, that's what made me such an independent person. And moving to LA too, there were days when I first moved to LA... I was alone, I had a couple friends from college that were here, I went through such bad depression. It's the type of depression where you wake up in the morning, and you don't have anything you need to do, or that needs your attention. And you slept for like 11 hours, and you still- you wake up like exhausted, and you napped throughout the day not because you're tired, it's literally just you're so depressed because you're numb, you don't know what to do.

Zealyn: Yeah.

Isabelle: And guess what? Those things past, and they move away and the positive things come back and they slip in and then you're gonna slip back out of it. Right?

Zealyn: Yeah. And LA really is one of those places that you can't come to L- you can't visit LA for two weeks and expect to see LA and get a sense of the city in two weeks. It's impossible. It takes- LA is massive okay? I think people always think of LA like Downtown LA, like just the little downtown area, n-no. LA is huge, you can drive a whole hour and a half and still be in LA. So, it really truly takes like.... to me, it took a year. For me, it took a whole year to understand like, where everything is, where do I actually want to live, and it takes so long. Umm...

Isabelle: Yeah. It takes so long. I just feel settled now. I've been in here like 5-

Zealyn: I think I truly felt settled like- like I wanna live here forever after 3 years like it literally took 3 years. And I think at that point I was like, "I'm never leaving. I wanna stay as long as I can." Yeah.

Isabelle: I love it here too. So Gina just asked, "Are you going to Nashville?" I would love for you to answer that and tell us the cities you'll be touring in.

Zealyn: Absolutely.

Isabelle: If you remember them all.

Zealyn: Yes! I'll try.

Isabelle: Okay.

Zealyn: Uhh yes. I will be in Nashville, that show actually is announced already, tickets are at zealyn.co

Isabelle: Yeah, all the seats(?) are there.

Zealyn: Yeah, umm... But I mean, I could list them off, yeah. There's actually- I don't know, yeah so it's Minneapolis, Chicago, Indianapolis, Nashville, Atlanta; Beverly, Massachusetts which is my hometown, New York, DC, Philly, Pittsburgh... so that's all everything on the East Coast. West Coast is still like completely being figured out.

Isabelle: Okay yeah. Yeah, it takes time.

Zealyn: It looks like Seattle, Portland, Redding, San Francisco, LA, San Diego.

Isabelle: Uhh, can I open for you now? *both started laughing*

Zealyn: The West Coast one? Oh my goodness.

Isabelle: That's amazing!

Zealyn: Yeah that one's still like- we don't have the venues locked in or anyth- or the dates or anything.

Isabelle: Okay.

Zealyn: But it's August-ish.

Isabelle: August-ish, okay.

Zealyn: Yeah.

Isabelle: Well, if you wanna hear all the dates, go to zealyn.co, that's just "co" not ".com", just "co". And all the dates are up there, all the info about her. She's- like I said, an incredible artist.

Zealyn: Thank you.

Isabelle: Go listen to her music and just support her and I'm really glad that you asked all these questions, I'll be answering all these questions when we're done.

Zealyn: Yeah. Such awesome fans! There's so many questions coming in.

Isabelle: Yeah, they're pretty incredible, I'm lucky I am so lucky that you all show up every week or every other week.

Zealyn: Yeah, that's amazing.

Isabelle: But, Unlabeled the podcast, episode 5, will be uhh... 2 weeks, April 7th, check it out. This podcast you're listening to right now will be up on Tuesday and yeah. Zealyn, thank you for coming, go follow her at Zealyn on Instagram and uhh-

Zealyn: Thanks for having me. You're the best.

Isabelle: You're welcome. I'm honored. I love you, thanks for being here.

Zealyn: Me too. Thanks.

Isabelle: Adios, everybody! *both waved at the camera*

Zealyn: Oh, did it end already? Bye!

#I finally finished it #Now I can pass out until the next transcript #Zealyn #Interview #Transcript #Isabelle #Unlabeled #Podcast #2019 #Angie Miller

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darksideofthemoonpie · 2 years

Text

I've had a bad day.

#1 the idea I had last week at work that I proposed to management about putting the reports in jira instead of sending them by email flopped. They told me I *will* work them by email and that's final. Another person on my team today gave the same suggestion and they were like, "hey, that's a good idea! We can put the reports in jira." And she took all the credit.

#2 I was sent home early from work for lack of anything to do so I decided to pick up the house and it struck me that I'm the only one that does any cleaning in the house. I don't know, no one ever wants to help me. If I ask there just excuses after excuses. I just feel so unappreciated. I put on a happy face even though I'm miserable doing all this stuff by myself. I told my husband how I felt and he didn't say any fucking words of encouragement. No one would give a shit if I just disappeared off the face of the earth.

#3 I went to Barnes and Noble today to do some retail therapy and there was this guy right in the middle of the aisle I wanted to be on so I just left and thought I'd come back in a couple min. He was still there. I came back literally 3 times before I finally nudged my way through. Ugh, read your book in the coffee shop like everyone else.

#4 my husband gets hangry if he doesn't eat every couple hours so after we went to drop my daughter off at ballet he goes to the gas station and picks up a slim Jim and a cream cheese Danish. I just get a water. (Must be nice to eat all that as much as you want and not gain weight.) We go to bn and then she said he's hangry again. After some debating we decide to go to publix so he can get one of those subs they make. I planned on getting sushi. We'll, we get there and the deli is closed and there's no sushi left. So after walking around a bit I pick a salad that shows 420 calories in the label. My husband throws an attitude that there's nothing he wants. I suggest the premade subs, salads, to go chicken, sandwiches, wraps, etc and he gets fussy and gets a quesadilla and one of those calzones I think their called. I grabbed my daughter a couple ham sandwiches. We leave. He's being an asshole the whole time "because he's hungry" when he literally ate not even an hour ago.

#5 I needed to go to target to get more moisturizer. We get there and I go in and grab the last one on the shelf and some hair elastics and Bobby pins. Then there's the line. They only had 1 register open but the lines were ridiculous. I get in the self checkout line and I really don't understand the people that get in self checkout lines with a full cart. I don't know how long I was in there but it was too long. My husband stays in the car, probably cursing me.

#6 I've been asking my husband to take my daughter to the DMV to get an id card so we can get her a passport. I've been asking him since Feb and she needs it by June. I can't take any more time off work to take her there. He said he would do it. I'm tired of asking him to do stuff and him not doing it.

#7 now my husband is pissed because he "doesn't like his food" that he picked out. I picked a Greek salad and I hate olives just to get something. I mean, can't he just be grateful that he has food to eat? Argh, I don't get it.

So, basically that's my day. No one listens to me or cares about me.

Thanks for listening

#sorry for the rant #rant tag #rant #unappreciated

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kierancampire · 2 years

Text

After seeing last years, i wanna do this again. So again, sorry if it is long, but I'd appreciate someone reading it and others doing it

If i had to use one word to describe this year it would be challenging. There have been bad challenges, good ones, and many personal ones, but the one consistent thing for this year has been the challenge this year has brought.

This year started off quite bad, with having my first real and significant loss, if i could change any one thing about the year that'd be it. That was an incredibly difficult time and it still continues to be difficult, but as with last year, just trying to get positives from such a dark moment I'd say it made me a stronger and better person. There is just so much i wish i could tell her though

Onto happier things. This was the year i treated myself to a Switch, I've had so much fun playing that and i am so glad i got it. I went on a few walks this year, my favourite definitely being the one i saw that gorgeous and friendly cat. I also got both my Pfizer vaccines this year, i really need to book my booster, but that was great getting them!

As i did last year, i went to Kent again this year but this time with family, it was such a wonderful and much needed holiday, and seeing that sunrise on the beach was beautiful! I also got that really bad sun burn where part of me was lobster red and the other half was Irish white haha

I got to see a lot more of the pets this year, which was definitely needed. I had done that 15 hour deep clean of my flat after being told i was starting the move on process, i had people telling me not to bother but i felt it wouldn't be long, and i was right! Such an exhausting but rewarding process

Then what was probably one of, if not the biggest highlights of the year, the award ceremony at Birhmingham. Something i hadn't said to many, there was a staff member at the foyer who i hated, for an entire year, multiple times throughout a conversation he would pressure me into playing board games, watching The Walking Dead, or movies. This may not sound bad, but it literally was for an entire year, and he would mention it 3-5 times per conversation that happened almost daily. I always said no, that I'm not interested, that i didn't want to, why i didn't want to, but he never listened, he even laughed and pointed it out when it made me visibly uncomfortable. This came to a head when after talking about certain traumas of last year, he came into the room, shouted at me that i couldn't leave, forced a board game piece into my hand and kept trying to force me to play. Obviously this all very strongly mirrors things that happened last year, i was scared of him, i cried when he had to do my flat checks as i didn't want him in my home. But he also was the one joining me to Birhmingham. So not only did i have the challenge of travelling so far away to a new place, new people, in a situation i am not comfortable with, doing things out of my comfort zone. But i had to do it with him. And i did. I went there, had an amazing time, made connections with people, spoke to them, hung out with them, and i won! It was such a big challenge but my greatest accomplishment!

Then obviously literally that very same day i got back i was told I'd be bidding for properties the very next day. I hated the foyer, the things i dealt with and the things i was put through, i hated that place. Yet it was scary and sad to leave, but i found this place where i am living now, and through that rosey vision it was practically love at first sight. Obviously a lot has gone wrong, there have been many difficulties, and there still is much uncertainty and things to do, as well as that moving period being so unbelievably exhausting and stressful, but we did it. I'm now in a hopefully more permanent home and am still very excited to decorate it. I said goodbye to the foyer, and i hope to never say hello again.

Besides what i included photos of, i said/did the same last year, but this year has been a hell of a change in me. I have been progressing and changing so much as a person, I've been standing up for myself even more, i have been putting myself through unpleasant things because i know the other side is so much better, i have faced an incredible amount of fears and challenges. I have experienced lots of new things, I've really had to come to terms with a lot of traumas from this year and last, I've spoken to tons of strangers in shops and such. I have however lost many, many, many people this year, and unlike last year, i haven't gained any back, and when i did gain people it never lasted long and usually ended awfully, this year was a lot of challenge and successes, but also a year of great loss. There have been so many challenges this year, yet i faced and beat every single one, it may not have been pretty, and i may have felt exhausted and broken, but i still beat whatever 2021 through my way. This has been an exceptionally challenging year, yet in material goods and as a person, i feel like i have so much to show for making it through it

2022, both 2020 and 2021 beat my ass, they put me through incredibly difficult challenges and it was just non-stop with them. So i would really appreciate if you would be a better, kinder year, but if not, I'm tired, but I'll beat you too. Onto a new year, in a new place, with a practically new me, with all new challenges and triumphs

#personal #2021 #2022 #My year #Year in review #Year #Lookback #Look back #Looking back #Challenge #Triumph

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