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seetangus · 1 year

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Flowers - Azula x reader - Part VI

Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VII, [main masterlist]

Azula x reader, requested by 🌹-anon, warnings: arranged marriage, drama¿

983 words, although I'm not too happy with it, please have fun :)

Azula's eyes flared with rage. "Y/N, for your own sake, step away from that person. Now." You wanted to. Every sane emotion inside of you wanted to let go of your suitors hand, run to Azula and never turn back, but you couldn't. Instead, unable to think clearly, all the anger and desperation you had gathered in the last weeks you unleashed at her - was she not the one who put the weight of this situation on your shoulders?

If she had not rejected and disgraced you? If she had accepted your flower instead of burning it you wouldn't have had to endure the yoke of this arranged marriage in the first place.

You now put your thoughts that were flaming with anger into words: "Why should I listen to you, Azula?", you said, trying to sound calm, "You couldn't have made it clearer that my personal feelings and affairs mean nothing to you, so tell me, what makes you think that I would be so foolish to fall for your lies just like everyone else does? If you truly cared for me, if you wanted me to step away only 'for my own sake', you wouldn't have rejected me, you wouldn't have ignored and avoided me for months and you wouldn't have let shame come over my family and me."

It was clear, that Azula was on the verge of freaking out. If it had been anyone other than you saying this, she would have ended them with a wave of blue fire, but only for you she stood calm and collected, at least on the outside. "Y/N, I understand why you might feel upset, but we will talk about that later, in the palace." Azula said. "But for the time being, I consider it necessary for you to end that engagement of yours. You see, this… person", she said, gesturing towards your suitor, "is worth neither my nor your presence. I can simply not tolerate that you put them in one place with me by planning on starting a relationship with them, just like you wanted to do with me - it's disgraceful, both for you to lower yourself so much that you really considered this horrendous idea of marrying them and for me to be put in one category with them. You are going to immediately cancel your marriage plans and come back to the palace with me. I will not accept anything but pure obedience regarding this matter."

The seriousness in her tone made you begin questioning your picture of Azula, as more and more clear thoughts and emotions made their way back into your head - had Azula really changed her mind? At least she had sounded very serious when saying she wanted you back. Did she really want you to come with her to save you from this? Maybe you weren't meaningless to her at all? Could it be that she wasn't even to blame for these happenings? Just now it occurred to you, that saying the things you had said to Azula might have been a mistake. You also realised, that this might be your chance to get away from your suitor - having realised that, you were suddenly very happy that Azula was here! The mass of all of these thoughts unfortunately made you unable to answer, you first had to calm down.

Your soon-to-be spouse was, contrary to you, not speechless, though. Instead, they dared speaking up to Azula, telling her that it was ridiculous and unhonorable to demand things such as simply canceling a lawful marriage. "What do you propose is going to happen instead of this?", they continued, mocking Azula "Are y o u going to marry y/n?" They laughed at the thought for a moment. "You couldn't take proper care of y/n even if your life depended on it. Look at what you did to y/n - if I hadn't s a v e d them from you, who knows what the unbearable pain you inflicted on them could have led to? If you truly care for y/n, leave us alone." While saying this, they put an arm around your shoulder, making you cringe away and showing you just how much you wanted this to end - now would be a good time for Azula to step in, as you still were unable to think properly.

Luckily, Azula seemed to feel the same way, as she descended from her mount and began walking towards you, or rather towards your suitor. "You seem to underestimate my ability to receive everything I desire", she said, making it clear that she was getting annoyed by this senseless talking, "let them go." But your suitor was not intending to do that: "I do not think so. If you truly want to have y/n, you will have to prove yourself worthy. I hereby challenge you to an Agni Kai." Azula's eyes lit with a newfound shine when hearing these words. "So be it. May the better bender win." They went to the nearest field to carry out their duel, leaving you to follow them.

While it was a bit strange seeing them argue about you as if you were a trinket or some other object, you didn't mind it in the slightest; rather, you felt flattered. If Azula was willing to fight for you in an Agni Kai, didn't that mean that you were important to her?

Even though you had seen Azula take part in many fights before and couldn't imagine her losing this Agni Kai, you still were worried for her… you smiled at this feeling as it reminded you about how often you had been worried for her on your missions, only to be once again overwhelmed by her astonishing firebending skills.

However that did not stop you from becoming nervous when your suitor and Azula positioned themselves for the duel.

#🌹 anon #azula x reader #azula #azula x y/n #atla #atla azula #atla x reader #azula avatar #princess azula #avatar #character x reader #x reader #x y/n #x you #azula x gn reader #x gn reader #gn reader

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nobodylikety · 2 months

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Tiger hybrid! Leeseo 🐯

So here's baby Leeseo! since she's still a lil' baby, I thought about making it more platonic 🩷 In my mind, I think that reader! x tiger! leeseo is a relationship or siblings or besties, so it's written in that way (⁠*⁠´⁠ω⁠｀⁠*⁠)

ps. I live for naughty little sister! Leeseo

tags: tiger hybrid! leeseo x fem! reader (platonic ver.), hybrid AU, fluff.

Tiger hybrid! Leeseo is literally a naughty gremlin! she is often teasing or playing childish pranks either towards hybrid! IVE or towards you <3 as she is the youngest (just a lil baby 🥺) she gets away with it...most of the time.

The fact that Tiger hybrid! Leeseo is young and smaller in stature than the rest of Hybrid! IVE, does not imply that she is chill! On the contrary, she's a destructive nuclear explosion in the form of a cute fluffball, she has a very rough way of playing, so it unintentionally breaks a thing or two (mostly your stuff, but in a lovely way)🥺

Tiger hybrid! Leeseo has a BIG SWEET TOOTH 🍬. More than once you've gone to the kitchen in the wee hours of the morning and found Leeseo tucked away in the pantry or fridge, looking for something to munch on! her range of snacks are usually desserts, such as cookies or buns <3

+ That's why you and Rei often worries that Leeseo only prefers to eat sweet things and doesn't eat well. Leeseo is the type of picky eater too, she hates veggies! so you have to feed them to her, otherwise she'll not eat them,,,

Tiger hybrid! Leeseo = tiny baby, BIG ROAR. The first time you heard Leeseo roar, you practically squealed like a scared kitten. It's a loud and harsh sound, no one would think it comes from someone as sweet as her!

Tiger hybrid! Leeseo has an active, energetic and VERY sociable personality, that's why Puppy! Yujin (who has the idea of being the leader of the pack) finds her difficult to take care of as Leeseo, since she is always hanging out with friends and doesn't pay attention to her or her orders,,, this baby tiger is sometimes a bratty lil thing :3

Tiger hybrid! Leeseo LOVES to play chase her tail!she usually sits, and as soon as her tail appears in her field of vision, wiggling like a snake, Leeseo NEEDS to chase it ٩(ˊᗜˋ *)و she gets off the sofa and runs around in circles chasing it, or just roars and nibbles at it

🐯، ﾟฅ ｡ [ Naughty tiger ]

Leeseo is, of course, the joy but also the chaos of your life. With her striped fur and playful eyes, she always finds a way to get into trouble just for fun, and just for the sake of annoy you. It's in her nature. She can't go more than half a minute without playing pranks on you and the rest of the pack, or getting into mischief that involves all of you.

Today, it's no different.

The pranks start early in the morning, and last late into the night. And they happen more than once a day.

In the morning you try to enjoy some peace before the girls wake up, reading a book and drinking some coffee in your bed.

But Leeseo decides it's the perfect time to play.

And by 'play', she means to tease you.

So she sneaks stealthily across the room, her tabby tail swaying mischievously behind her, without you even noticing her presence, because the book is too interesting, and the coffee is too good this morning to put down.

"Roar" Leeseo just roars softly, bursting your little bubble of peace and concentration, before jumping onto your lap and settling down like a kitten on top of you.

"Come on, Leeseo, not now…" you whine, trying to maintain a serious countenance. But Leeseo literally shoves the book out of your hand, not caring where it landed. And unwilling to take 'no' for an answer, she begins to ruffle your hair, her tail swaying enthusiastically. Her big feline eyes look at you with a mixture of innocence and mischief. This bloody little devil.

And then you gave in, like you always do.

Because that's how the youngest of the hybrid gang gets what she wants. She has you wrapped around her little finger.

As the day goes by, other 'Leeseo-things' happen during the afternoon.

Now she bursts into the middle of the living room, when you're in the middle of watching your favorite show on TV, with a mischievous twinkle in her eye.

"Look what I found in the garden!" exclaims Leeseo, wagging her tabby tail.

Looking up, you don't expect to see that image. Leeseo is holding Wonyoung —in her animal form, of course— between her jaws by the scruff of her neck. Wonyoung looks a little dazed, but unharmed.

She's the same adorable floppy-eared fuzzball she's always been.

Thank god Wonyo's safe.

"Leeseo! What did I tell you about carrying the other pets in your mouth?" you scold her, but you can't help but smile at her innocence. "Let go of Wonyo, she's not one of your squeaky toys!"

With a dramatic sigh, Leeseo lets go of Wonyoung, but not before giving you a 'sorry, but that was fun' look.

When Leeseo releases Wonyoung she rolls a little, before landing softly by your feet. You frown at Leeseo as you stroke Wonyoung's head, who curls up against your feet for a moment. Then she hops away a little, far enough away to return to her human form.

"I don't know why you're always like this! We were just playing," Leeseo defends herself, with a look of innocence that fails to hide her mischievousness. "Besides, nothing happened to Wonyo."

You rub the side of your head, with a sigh. This Leeeseo, always such a troublemaker. You know it's just her pure animal instinct, as well as her way of exploring the world, but sometimes you feel like killing her. Or hang her from a flagpole, to see if she'll stay still.

"Leeseo, you need to be more careful. Wonyoung is not a toy," you remind her, with a certain firmness in your voice. Wonyoung is next to you, sitting on the desk and swinging her legs, and nods in agreement.

Leeseo nods, though the mischievous spark still shines in his eyes. "Sorry, I'll keep that in mind next time," she says, though it's clear that promise might be a little hard to keep.

Because before you can say anything else, Leeseo is already planning her next caper. You know that keeping her under control is a difficult task, but you can't help but smile at her mischievous charm all the same.

After a short nap, to regain some energy after a tiring day, you stretch lazily on your bed. No more than a minute of peace and quiet passes, however, when the silence is broken by a soft roar, followed by a clattering noise from the kitchen. With a resigned sigh, you get out of bed and head towards the source of the commotion.

What you see in the kitchen is half a surprise and half not. Because Leeseo manages to turn up with another string of mischief, as she always does, and so it's no surprise. But somehow, she has dragged the rest of the girls into her chaos, which is a surprise.

You find Leeseo, the mischievous and stale tiger of the house, standing on the table with a bag of crisps in her hand, while with the other she rummages in the pantry, where the biscuit jar is.

Around the table are Yujin, Gaeul, Liz, Rei and Wonyoung. They all look absolutely willing and determined to join in the commotion.

"Hey, hey! Can you remind me what we're doing?" asks Yujin, her tail wagging as if wild with excitement.

"I'm looking for something for us to eat, but there's nothing good!" replies Leeseo with a pout.

Wonyoung jumps up on the table, reaching for the biscuits. "Let me try, I'm taller than you, Leeseo!"

Gaeul launches herself off the back of a chair, landing gracefully on the table and beginning to sniff curiously around the chips. Liz, for her part, tries to mimic Gaeul, only to fall flat on her face against a half-full bowl of all sorts of pet treats.

It's a chaotic sight, to say the least.

So Yujin keeps wagging her tail and running around in circles (stopping sometimes to play chase her tail), Leeseo and Wonyoung arguing over who's better at swiping snacks from the pantry, and Liz bumping into absolutely every single piece of furniture in the kitchen.

And where is Rei? you wonder for just a fraction of a second, before a hiss behind you gives away her location.

"I think it's time for dinner, don't you?" says Rei, nestling her head against your shoulder, seeking attention. Of the girls, she's probably the one who gives you the least headaches. Though short of a headache, she gives you some pretty good scares with her fangs and forked tongue.

You shake your head in resignation, but laugh. As you try to keep order among these hybrids, you realise that every day is a new adventure in this house full of unique animal personalities.

"Tell me, Leeseo, how do you manage to get into trouble even when you're just trying to play, or looking for something to eat?"

She looks up at you with her big feline eyes and a mischievous grin. "Because life would be boring if it wasn't!".

God, this little girl.

Leeseo is absolutely chaotic and messy, like an annoying little sister. You love her, even when she's always on the verge of giving you a heart attack because of the stupid, naughty decisions she makes. But it's Leeseo, it's impossible to resist those baby tiger eyes.

Even when she screws up.

This damn brat who always screws up, how you love the damn thing.

#hybrid!au #kpop hybrid au #ive imagines #ive leeseo #ive #leeseo ive #hybrid!ive #tiger!leeseo

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starwell-tarot · 1 year

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hello i have a question if its ok! how do you think mars conjuct venus synastry would translate in a professional relationship? like mentor/student kind where the mentor is the mars

ive seen that in friendship it can work just the two will prob feel the attraction and the mars might get slightly irritated if the venus person has smn else in their lifes so im wondering about what would happen in a relationship that wont allow this

Hello, yes! Astrology questions are okay but please take everything with a grain of salt since I am totally not a professional, I'll just be speaking out of personal experience and the studies I've done so far!

Yes, Mars conjunct Venus synastry can work in platonic ways too, but there will be 'something' a little off or different about the chemistry between those two nevertheless. It's somewhat of an idealism. Even if the Mars person and Venus person are both not interested in dating each other, at the back of their minds they will know they are ideal for each other in some way.

That's one part of it. There is more, so allow me to slowly build up to it by explaining the Mars - Venus dynamic generally.

Stereotypically, they say that the Mars person is more 'masculine' (in the idea that they are more bold, aggressive and chase after the Venus) and the Venus person is more 'feminine' (in the idea that they are more passive and give in to the Mars person). However, I'll present you with a slightly different perspective: Venus is what a person offers in a relationship, Mars is what a person is looking for in a relationship in order to settle down. It makes sense this way too, if you really wanna hold on to the whole Mars chase Venus thing, that what the 'woman' (Venus) offers makes the 'man' (Mars) wanna settle with her. Therefore, it's the Venus person that sets off the Mars person. The Venus person motivates Mars.

Because of this, in a student - teacher situation I've mostly seen Venus be the teacher and Mars be the student. It's actually much more natural like that, in my opinion. The calm of Venus and gentle support drives Mars to learn, to act. I've seen this be very favorable and Venus breathed life back into Mars and got them moving every time they'd need it.

However the situation you're explaining is quite the opposite, where Mars is the teacher and Venus is the student. Now, I'm not saying it's not going to work, because it's still a nice synastry. It signifies mutual respect and the possibility of coming to speak "the same language" if you get what I mean. Finding the middle ground of their beings to a point where their personalities start speaking a language the two invented and they can intuitively understand each other. That will exist no matter who the mentor is.

But with Mars as the mentor there might be problems with the aggression. Mars might be too imposing or quite the contrary, afraid of doing or saying anything too harsh because they're afraid not to hurt Venus. Must figure out the right way and moments to be strict/lenient. Mars should not be impatient with Venus and celebrate their wins. Mars should not be afraid of telling Venus when they do something wrong, but gently not with aggression. Overall, the Mars person needs to be patient, gentle, supportive and forgiving - embrace a more guiding persona rather than a domineering one.

When it comes to Venus however, I feel Venus will really strive to be a perfect student. Listen very well, silently take in all the information and process it and figure out the best way to use it. It's almost like a teacher's pet situation and Venus will do everything in their power to make Mars feel proud of them. Because of this, Venus needs to watch out in terms of respecting their own boundaries and not over-compromising. Should be careful to not do things just to please Mars or because they're afraid of Mars and their disappointment or anger. In some other cases, if Mars steps over Venus' personality and sensitivity way too long, I feel it could turn into a love-hate relationship. (Something along the lines of Venus secretly hating Mars and just people pleasing them.)

Gotta make sure both people have both respect for each other and also for themselves.

When it comes to a teaching situation like this, Mars and Venus is not really... Ideal to look at though. I'd personally look at Mercury, as it represents intelligence more thoroughly. Does the intelligence type of the Mars person match the intelligence type of the Venus person? If not, some adjustments might be needed, teaching should be approached in a way that is more easy to understand by Venus.

You can also look at Pluto, since it is a generational planet and can signify growing up with very different mentalities. Maybe that can help fill in the gaps, too.

----

So far, I've only experienced being the Mars in this synastry so like I said, this is mostly speculation based off of the material I read and situations I've seen.

Feel free to add to this or prove me wrong! This is just my information. Other aspects in the chart can make great differences 😁

Let me know if this was clear or helped you out. Have a great day!

#answered #anon #astrology #astro observations #mars conjunct venus #astro notes

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primevein · 5 months

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The Prime of His Youth: Book IV: Fire's Master: Ch39: Rogue Heart

Smokescreen peered around the corner and saw two Headmasters. The Headmasters slowly twitched slightly and slowly, jaggedly looked towards him. The arms slowly, jaggedly moved, and he pulled back the moment he realized they were pointing their blasters at him. He quickly pulled back around the corner. He looked at his elite guard. "I'll distract them. Remember, Energon shots to the Transtector. Do not hit the head." He looked between their eyes, and they all understood. He ran down the corridor, and turned his Phase Shifter on, slipping through the wall.

Smokescreen slipped into an empty room and doubled back. He ran along the wall. When he got to the other end, he faced the wall and slipped through. He turned off the Phase Shifter and transformed his right hand into a blaster. Craddled in his left, he started shooting at their bodies. Slowly the Headmasters twitched towards him, taking shots to their body. Once they were almost there he shouted, "Go."

All of the Elite Guard other than Golden Hind appeared around the corner, and opened fire. The high volume of blaster fire caused the Headmasters to list over. Eventually the heads fell off, only to be caught by Smokescreen. "Cinderstream, the Micromasters. Landslide and Moose Runner the Transtectors."

* * *

The Micromasters slowly opened their eyes, groggy, slowly looking about.

"Good to see you awake." Knockout stated, "I'll be your doctor." One of the Micromasters groaned, followed by the other. "Now, care to tell me what happened?"

"It was like the Energon in my blood was controlling me."

"That's not like how the others describe it." Ratchet said, and the two Micromasters turned to look at him. As they did, they saw the other Micromasters. They were moving slowly, but fluidly; fatigued, but not being yanked about like puppets. One looked at Ratchet, while the other looked at Knockout. "The short version is that it's over."

"At least for you." Knockout stated.

"The Elite Guard is seeing to the others." Ratchet stated.

"And we have tall, dark, and awe-inspiring to watch over us." Knockout gleefully added, and then calmed himself down, "Sorry. You are still recovering."

The two Micromasters slowly started to sit upright, still looking around with awe. Then they felt something on their left arms, and looked over, seeing the Energon infusers.

"We were bleeding out?" one of them asked, and then looked over his body, and then the one of his compatriot.

"Not so lucky." Knockout stated, "It will take a bit to explain, so we'll do it as soon as you want it."

"I..." the other stated, and then paused to groan, "want..." *groan* "know..."

"Dark Energon is the blood of Unicron." Ratchet stated, "Who I'm afraid is very real, despite my hopes to the contrary. The Dark Energon has seeped into every part of Master. Including all of you."

"We're not sure what got his jollies in a knot," Knockout stated, and the heads slowly shifted to him, "probably to do with that tall, gorgeous, purple guy, but whatever it is, when he really wants to, he can control you. Lucky for you, we know the cure." They let out a questioning groan, "Energon." They gave him a disbelieving look.

"It takes a LOT of Energon to counteract even a small amount of Dark Energon." Ratchet voiced, "And I'm guessing you've never bothered flushing everyone with Energon. If we weren't doing it to cure you, it would be wasting your Energon reserves."

"But lucky for you, you have us to snap you out of it." Knockout excitedly stated.

"And lucky for you, we have previous experience with this." Ratchet stated, "But, if it's any comfort, it's far less dangerous here than it was last time." The two Micromasters let out a sigh of relief.

* * *

The rear doors to the command centre opened up as Eurawind transformed into a landing. Her eyes focused on the only thing in the room, something that did not fit right for her. He stood taller than even a Prime, but far less than the Combiners. She gave him a curious look.

"I am Warmachine, crafted by His Prime." he said, as he stepped up. He then broke into the seven Micromasters.

"I am Rector." the leader said.

"I didn't know that minicons could combine?" Eurawind stated.

"His Prime found a way." Gaylord happily said.

"How can we help you?" Scatter asked.

"I have a message for His Prime, though, you should know as well." Eurawind stated. "Unicron seems to have greater control over the Headmasters than the average..." she trailed off as she gestured to the Micromasters. "Shots with Energon weapons to the Transtectors can disable them without injurying the minicon controlling them."

"Do you have to call us minicons?" Irelic angrily asked.

"Zephawind is the more diplomatic." Eurawind replied, "I was expecting to speak with His Prime."

"Let us let her get to it." Morpheus quietly said.

* * *

Zephawind transformed into a landing, looking before all three paths before her in turn. She followed the comm. ping. She looked left, before transforming, and flying down that path.

* * *

Zephawind heard and sensed the energy signature of blaster fire as she flew up. She transformed into a landing safely outside of the battle, to see what was happening. They were in a colossal chambre of worked stone, with a great, domed ceilling. There were various side paths, all with their own flurries of light shone from blaster fire.

In the middle was Japheth Prime, literally fighting back to back with Arcee. Japheth had his left hand transformed into a path blaster while his right was his chainsword. It took four shots from his path blaster to make a Transtector fall. He then stepped into the swarming Terrorcons while Arcee pummeled another stumbling Headmaster with her longshot blasters. Another Headmaster slowly, jaggedly aimed his blaster pistol at them, only to be momentarily stunned by a shot from Carron's carronade.

Japheth's left-handed reverted. He handed the chainsword over to his left hand and brought his right hand to his right ear. He opened a comm. channel to the Wreckers. "Wreckers. I'll need someone to carry some Micromasters back to the surface." He looked about for a moment, not sure what he expected. He looked back as Arcee dove forward with her arm blades, striking the shambling mini-Terrorcons. While she could easily knock them down with her arm blades and back with her kicks, she could barely crack their chestplates. Japheth turned towards her as the Headmaster Carron had shot was aiming towards him again. He passed his chainsword back to his right hand, transformed his left to a path blaster, and shot him. A few of his shots landed with those of Carron, and the head fell from the falling body. Arcee looked as the shambling horrors were nearly upon her, when a thin, clawed hand struck through one of their chest plates from behind. Arcee, stunned, looked over, to see Airachnid smiling wickedly at her. A moment later her other hand broke through another.

Arcee looked, stunned, as the shambling mini-Terrorcons swarmed her. Airachnid withdrew her hands, quickly moving to struck through another one. Japheth stepped in, his chainsword cutting cleanly through one, and then another, and then a third. Arcee snapped out of it and flipped up and over her sparkmate, landing behind him, watching his back. Japheth's chainsword cutting through a few more, as Airachnid pierced another one. The bodies were all on the ground, none leaking Energon, despite the wounds. Airachnid was proud, and then stunned, as the most unexpected thing happened: Japheth's hand was on her head, and gave her a gentle pet. He then turned back towards Arcee, as she and Carron were pummeling the Headmaster with their blasters. Japheth transformed his left hand into a path blaster again, and one shot added enough Energon to overflow the Transtector's buffers, and seperate the head from the collapsing body. The main cavern was suddenly silent. Light would randomly flash from the side passages, along with all and sundry sounds of battle.

He looked back to Siren, Arcelia, and Roxana, who now had Eurawind standing beside them. He waved them over. Eurawind stood stunned for a moment. The others had transformed. Eurawind transformed and flew passed them, transforming into a landing next to Japheth and Arcee. She wondered why Arcee was so nervous. Arcee looked back for a moment, and Eurawind followed her gaze to the now pink and white Airachnid. Arcee looked uncomfortable, confused, and even afraid as she looked back to Eurawind. Japheth looked at Eurawind, and then behind her, as the others transformed to step up beside her. Japheth turned to the stunned Micromasters, and then back at Roaxna. Roxana quickly transformed, with Arcelia doing the same right behind her. He then looked back to Eurawind. "Report." Japheth said to her.

"The Elite Guard wanted me to pass along what they learned about..." she trailed off, and looked at the fallen Micromasters.

"Help Roxana." Japheth said to her.

"I'm... I'm not a medic?.." Eurawind asked.

"I said help." Japheth firmly said, his tone broking no resistance, and Eurawind quickly stood to attention before she transformed to fly over.

Japheth then turned to look at Airachnid, Arcee turning to follow him. She saw a shocked look on Airachnid's face, and followed her gaze to a smiling Japheth. Airachnid quickly looked the other way.

"You can't hide how good his headpats are." Arcee admonished Airachnid. Airachnid gave her a deathly glare. "I was the first bot to get them." She said, and paused a moment, "While he was still Human." She turned and transformed to join the other Femmes. Airachnid was too shocked to move.

"Two things no one told you, one, I can read sparks. Something I've gotten better at, every moment I've been a Cybertornian. The other, I was a Human." He paused for a moment as he looked her deep in the eyes, "One you used to hunt." He turned to walk towards the Femmes. Airachnid was too stunned to react for a moment, before turning to slowly walk after him. Unable to make herself walk any faster. He stopped and turned towards her. He waited for her to catch up to him, when he held out his right hand, "Jack Darby, pleased to meet you." he said. She found herself reaching out to grab his hand simply as if she had been ordered to do so. Her will played no part in it, either way. "I don't have to be Jack Darby to know how horrifying you can be. And if I was just Jack Darby, I probably could not look passed it. But, luckily for you, I'm more than I used to be. Luckily for you, you are as well." He turned to continue walking away, leaving Airachnid completely stunned.

* * *

Seaspray blew in, with Phantom Rider rolling in right after him. Japheth gave them a curious look. "We drew the short straws." Seapspray said, and Japheth gave them a disbelieving look. He transformed, with Phantom Rider transforming right behind him. "Alright, Bulkhead wanted to make sure Miko doesn't go all Dinobot, while Jackie is spotting for Moonchild."

"That makes more sense." Arcee said. Seaspray caught Phantom Rider's head turn, and turned to follow his gaze. He saw Airachnid off in the distance, nervously looking away, while still watching with the corners of her eyes.

He looked back to Japheth, "What's with her?"

"Oh, she just learned who he is." Arcee said.

"Miko told me about the history between them." Seaspray continued, "Honestly, even with the Matrix of Leadership, it's hard to believe anyone could believe he'd actually try."

"Tsk." Arcee said, and Seaspray gave her an inquisitive look. "I hate to say it." Arcee said, and looked over to Airachnid. Seaspray resisted the desire to look over at her. Phantom Rider was going to look over, but stopped when he saw Seaspray's restraint, and looked back to Arcee, "I really hate to say it." she continued, "But, he succeded. She even got her first headpat."

"First?" Seaspray asked.

"First of many." Arcee stated, "Look, I haven't forgiven her. Honestly I don't think I ever will, or if I can, but..." she said, and lovingly looked to Japheth.

"Good." Seaspray said, and paused a moment as the others looked at him curiously, "I won't have to shoot her again."

Phantom Rider's eyes grew wide with surprise.

"Her spark has changed." Japheth stated. "But that means she's..." he said, and paused a moment to think it over, "Doesn't mean she won't backstab."

"Is she... safe?" Phantom Rider asked, eyes barely visible through his face mask.

"She'll backstab for us." Japheth said with a smile. He could barely see the worried look on Phantom Rider's face, "For us. Still working on that part."

#transformers #prime #the prime of his youth #darcee #jack darby #arcee

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gentlylily11 · 8 months

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"Knock, knock~"

Said Charlie as he came in with some food in to his boss office

"So what did you wanted me here for Me. Azul? Said Charlie handing him over the plate and leaving a bad that he carrying with him in the couch

"Oh well I just wanted to know you more Charlie, you know I care a about my employee" said Azul putting a hand on his chest with a welcoming smile

"Oh really? " said Charlie arching a eyebrow while putting some food on his mouth

"Well if I wasnt I would have lower your payment for some of the mistake you have made in the past I could have even put Floyd and Jade to tutor you" Said Azul looking directly at Charlie making him almost choke with the shrimp he was muching on

"A-and that's why I always tell the other that you are the best Mr.Azul!"

Its not that Charlie wasn't like by the twins

All the contrary they love him, specially since he would always offer to cover Floyds spot when he got his mood swings

The bad things is that Floyd was starting to get quite the habit of letting the clownfish merman his work

What worried him is that his companions had told him that Jade and Floyd could be a rought while teaching

Not only that but to not get so close to them since it seems that their family is involve in shady stuff

"Anyways Charlie I wanted to talk to you because you told me you are to this part of the sea, right?" ask Azul playing with the algae on his plate

"Oh yeah, why do you ask Mr. Azul?"

"Well im a businessman Charlie and I know just how hard and stressful it must be to start something from zero"

said Azul finally looking a piece of salad looking at it to then look at Charlie

"So I was thinking, poor Charlie most be having it hard with his independence and here im having him working extra time without a proper payment...so I thought of raising your salary but that would cause troubles between your other companions, you know they might get jelous, people never care about other situation an only think about themselves, so I thought that I could change you of position!" explain Azul taking a bite of his salad

"Really Mr. Azul!? Would you do that?" said Charlie, his expression soon beam

"Of course Charlie after all ive heard you have quite the voice, dont you?" said Azul interested

"Oh yeah my family is half mermaid half siren!" said Charlie excited

"Wonderful Charlie, wonderful! Before I could promote you to singer then I would like to hear your sining, ive heard that sirens have quite the enchanting voice even more so than mermaids"

"Yes Mr. Azul!"

But before Charlie could even sing the door open with a strong kick suprising both Azul and Charlie

"Floyd I have told you since I have memorie to not enter that way" *said Azul clearly annoy

Charlie turn back to see both twins surprise, he didn't expected to see them this night

After all they had both day and night free because of his...jokes

"Oh Floyd-san your face is a little bit dirty here" said Charlie pointing at lower lib where a red stain was

"Oh" said Floyd and luck the red líquid away "Aha thank you Nemo~"

Said Floyd with a smile while giving some headpat to the merman

"Where you two hunting?" ask Charlie because of the smell of blood

"Oh yeah Charlie-kun, we were just hunting something for our friend Azul"

Said the merman with the calm smile he always shows, Jade always a gentle man and always so misterious

"Yeh we catch the guppy that escape from us"

Jade then pull out a special bubble that contained inside a cute guppy fish

"Aww thats so cute"

Charlie look at the little fish which swim frantically from one side like trying to break free

"I didn't thought of you like the type to have pets Mr. Azul" said Charlie looking with curiosity at the fish "tho your fish seems to be acting kind of weird"

"It must be because of how much time it was expose to the salt water" said Azul attracting the bubble to him which only make the fish the more frantic "it must also have miss me terrible, look at him it looks so excited to be back where he belong"

"Well it sure looks energetic" said Charlie happly

"But Charlie im afraid will have to leave our meeting of today for another day, right now I wanna check on my guppy since I am oh so worried that he left for such a long time" said Azul with sadness even tho his eyes had an joyful glind

"Oh yeah sure Mr. Azul! " said Charlie happly "I'll see you tomorrow"

The clownfish merman took his bag and wave at the twins and wish them good night along with Azul

The twins give him a misschiveous smile while chuckling the door close

Leaving the strange atmosphere behind

#twisted wonderland #twst #disney twst #twst azul ashengrotto #twst azul #twisted wonderland azul ashengrotto #azul ashengrotto #twst octavinelle #twisted wonderland octavinelle #octavinelle

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toftie · 4 years

Text

#............．．．．．．．．..........．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．．...............#well its been a while since ive felt so down #ive been pretty normal for like a month or so now #but i guess it was cuz i had things to distract me like games and stuff and inspiration and work #now its just work for me #but yeah i think i feel. lonely?#but i hate admitting it. like i refuse to admit i'm lonely bcuz for some reason its like im betraying myself #like i geniuinely like my time alone and being alone so when i feel lonely its like.. that isnt enough anymore #like im not enough for myself #and it feels horrible. like i want to be enough for myself.#i hate like. feeling reliant on people to be wanted or needed or loved #even with my only close friend like i really want to relt #i want to rely on her more but i still feel so scared #and i know fear is jusr part of the process of being vulnerable but i just. i feel so ashamed of myself #ashamed that i would even let anyone see me at my lowest or needing someone #i need to get through this but i dont know how. i know im not supposed to reject loneliness but i absolutely hate this feeling #i cant even descrive it like ive known loneliness for like my whole life im sick of it i dont want it #on the contrary ive started to not like care about how i look to others or what people think of me #its worked better and i just do what i can at work cuz i know i dont need to make much of an effort to be likable #im such a boring person though. like extremelt uninteresting #so i usually do.my best in otger aspects of work so that i dont have to talk to anyone #i still feel bad whenever slmeone tries talking to.me like theres something wrong with me #i try not to let it get to me though. i try

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jade-marie · 3 years

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Besides rio shooting the little money maker girl he's never done nothing that doesnt make sense to the situation but Ive gotta admit I wont ever get past that (obv) but everything beth done was what she had to do at the time, yall are a little too harsh its not like the other girls werent gun and go abt the whole thing from the start so everybody got their problems relating to that. Lot of the times it was their ideas they went ahead with and she was right there with em and it caused probs with bossman so cut her some slack man I love that big mommy milkers bitch shes trying her best and if that was my man id shoot him too sometimes 😂

I have absolutely no idea why you sent this to me, honestly. I’m not sure if you think I’m suddenly going to see the error of my ways, decide I’ve been too harsh on Beth this whole time, and go back to loving everything but whatever.

Rio’s never done anything that doesn’t make sense to the situation

I would largely agree with this, the way I see it, Rio operates by a very different moral code to Beth. He is part of a world where the stakes are much higher, so reward and punishment is also much more extreme. To anyone looking in, his behaviour probably seems extremely harsh but if you look at how he typically handle situations, you would see that Beth gets off very lightly. She should be dead and there is absolutely no way that she doesn’t know that. So the fact that she keeps taking liberties, even though he’s very obviously letting her off lightly, pisses me off. She effectively takes advantage of the knowledge he won’t kill her, by pulling shit she wouldn’t dare pull with anyone else.

Everything Beth did was what she had to do at the time

This is where our opinions massively diverge. Saying she did what she had to do is the same thing as saying she didn’t have a choice, and it completely removes her agency. We can go all the way back to 1.06 where she says, no one took advantage of her, it was a choice, she wanted to. When she found out her family was struggling for money, she didn’t try and get a job or a payday loan, she committed armed robbery. Once her debt with Rio was cleared she didn’t wanna go back to her old life, she wanted to continue working for him, again, another choice. She then made the choice to launder money through the dealership, then she decided to wrangle a 50-50 partnership in the pills. Once Rio was gone she started her own printing operation. Nobody forced her to do any of this, she didn’t have to, she wanted to.

If you want to talk about specific acts between her and Rio - she didn’t have to shoot him three times in the chest, she didn’t have to leave him to die. That was a choice, a conscious one. When he came back and it was clear he was not going to kill her, he was taking her money (which lots of people would consider pretty fair given the circumstances), she didn’t have to hire a hitman, she wanted to. With the current Secret Service storyline, also a choice. This isn’t me saying she should have chosen Rio over the Secret Service, this is me saying she could have. Both options were available to her and she chose to go against him. She didn’t have to, she wanted to.

The girls were always part of it and it was their ideas which caused Rio problems

They literally weren’t and that has been one of the biggest sources of conflict between them from the outset of the show. Beth originally shut down the idea of robbing a grocery store, then when she found out she was in trouble she convinced the girls to do it. Beth went behind their backs and asked Rio for more work. The secret shoppers were also Beth‘s idea. Beth was the one who asked Rio to increase their drop to $500,000 when the other 2 girls wanted to quit. Beth threw a set of keys in Rio‘s face and got them all fired, then she convinced the other 2 to help her get him locked up. It was Beth’s idea to launder money through the dealership, she was also the one who stole his pills and a 50-50 partnership. It was also Beth who fucked him. Beth was the one who shot him, Beth was the one who decided to print money, Beth was the one who decided to hire a hitman. It was also Beth’s idea to rat out Rio in exchange for witness protection. While the girls agreed to do these things with her, they were Beth‘s ideas and more often than not, the decision was already made without them so they didn’t have much choice.

As for specific things which caused problems for Rio - the original robbery was technically Beth‘s idea. It was Beth who wanted to get him arrested, which brought the FBI closer to his operation than they’ve ever been. It was Beth who decided to let Boomer go, when Annie was more than willing to shoot him. It was Beth who was sloppy keeping the books at the dealership which burned his cash operation, as well as the means for moving pills. Once again, it was Beth who shot him. It was Beth who targeted Lucy, it was Beth who hired Fitzpatrick. Beth and her sloppy bookkeeping at Boland Bubbles alerted the authorities and to save her own ass, she decided to offer them Rio. The girls weren’t part of any of that.

The only instance where you could say the other 2 specifically caused problems for him is when Ruby and Annie tried to do a job behind Beth’s back and they didn’t follow through. Aside from that, she has very much been the de facto leader, making decisions on everybody else’s behalf.

I’m too harsh on Beth and should cut her some slack

I’m not sure why anybody should cut her slack, actions have consequences and she’s yet to face them. Instead, everyone around her has to suffer as a result of her choices, but she doesn’t care. She keeps pulling the same bullshit and doesn’t take responsibility for anything, unless you count the occasional “woe is me” pity party where she calls herself a monster.

If Rio was your man, you would shoot him too

Contrary to popular belief, Rio has never been her man, he was her boss that she fucked a couple times. Putting that aside, I don’t particularly care that she shot him. If she turned around and said “fuck you, you deserved it. You kidnapped me in the middle of the night and put a gun in my hand, what did you expect?” I would fucking respect her for it. Besides, if we’re going by the logic that he deserved it, she should’ve caught a bullet ages ago and I can guarantee the reaction to him shooting her would be very fucking different.

What actually bothers me is the reason that she shot him, that entire rhetoric of him essentially being the cause of her problems because she doesn’t want to take ownership of anything she does. Until she changes that mentality, she won’t get an ounce of sympathy out of me.

#fuck that got long #good girls nbc #rio good girls #beth boland #brio #nbc good girls #rio #rio x beth #asks #anon

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ask-the-clergy-bc · 3 years

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I can’t seem to find one on your blog but that may be me just not looking hard enough lol but ANYWAY I was wondering if you have hcs of the papas with a SO that’s around their ages?

I’ve only done a piece about them with younger S/O’s, so this will be an awesome counter to that! :) We don’t really see any fics or works with them having S/O’s the same age so this was really fun to do!

Papas with an S/O Their Own Age

Papa Nihil: Canonically we already see this with Sister Imperator! Even though Nihil never sees her the way we do. He always sees his beloved Sister as the woman who was glowing in her prime. Which is how he would see his partner- beyond physically imposed beauty standards. When Nihil truly cares about someone he sees them, almost blindly, for how they are when they are at their best. Age isn’t a factor. For an old codger like the Grandpapa, it certainly helps! He can’t always keep up with the young crowd, as much as he hates to admit it. To have a partner who knows what he is talking about, references and experiences, is nice. Nihil needs someone he can actually bond with, and there is nothing wrong with that in his eyes!

Papa I: Papa has always had a preference for older partners, and would never deny someone from being his age. He knows he’s no spring chicken, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a good partner! Lucifer has never casted someone aside from “being too old” and why should he? Youth and physical beauty standards are fleeting, and all just a load of rubbish to him anyhow. How can someone lose beauty from age? Nonsense. But Papa adores someone who has gone through life and can relate to him through it. He loves sharing the wisdom with someone who has been through it and able to discuss it. Sure, there is nothing wrong with seeing a younger face, but that can never replace someone’s beauty from their mind and growth. (If you ever tell him that is cliche he might roll up a paper and gently bop you on the head!)

Papa II: Out of everyone on the list, siblings are most shocked when they see Papa with his partner. Namely because they often only hear of Papa picking out young, attractive partners who catch his eye. Little do they know he has had older lovers. One simply doesn’t get discarded from age. If that was true, his bed would never be full after he started to get older. A few wrinkles or grey hairs doesn’t mean Papa finds them unattractive. On the contrary, Papa ADORES partners around his age. They are usually very, ahem, ‘experienced’ in many ways. He finds older partners are also better conversations and more thoughtful in his experience. Sure, physical intimacy and appearances are a must for him, but he DOES have other emotional and intellectual needs that just aren’t always sated by the siblings just coming into their prime.

Papa III: A lot like his brother, Papa II. Everyone is always surprised when they see Papa with an older partner. While not as picky as Papa II is perceived to be, based on his reputation, many make the often correct assumption that he is a man who would only want a “young attractive” partner. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth! Papa doesn’t see youth as an age, he sees it as a mindset as well. Papa won’t deny that he’s up there in age under all that showmanship. He might be spry but he’s not a young pup anymore! He wants someone who is only as young as they feel! Plus, everyone to Papa has their beauty. Beauty doesn’t disappear with age, that’s just old archaic standards they stuck people with in the dark ages! Papa might even say something cheesy like, “Unattractive? No no, people always age like a fine wine. The older the more... tasty.”

Papa IV/Cardinal Copia: Copia will never say no to a younger partner, but there is something much more comfortable with having one your own age (or even older.) There is nothing that really replaces the feeling of knowing your partner is going through the same stage of life. So they would have the same experiences and possibly life goals. You can’t really get that with someone younger who is still learning the world. Admittedly, knowing he doesn’t have to help someone through changes he has already been through is a lot of stress off of Copia. That and he has never been interested in the idea that older people can’t be attractive as Hell. Look at him! A man in his late forties and he’s STILL got it!

#the band ghost #ghost bc #Ghost headcanon #ghost headcanons #papa nihil #papa emeritus i #Papa Emeritus II #papa emeritus iii #papa emeritus iv #cardinal copia #reader insert

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a-crimson-lion · 4 years

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“It Makes Me Wanna Keep Him At Arm’s Length” An Overview On Katsuki Bakugo’s Development

[I should by no means be the one writing this analysis, but here we are. Obviously it’s an overview on Katsuki’s character development, but there’s a bit more to it than that. Keep reading if you want the details.]

Table of Contents

i) Prologue

I) A Brief Explanation

II) The “What The F*** Is Your Existence” Phase

II.A) Breaking The Barriers

III) The “I Can’t Let You Get Ahead Of Me” Phase

IV) The “Why Don’t You Care About Yourself” Phase

V) Final Address+Conclusion

Word Count: 4415

[Warning: Contains manga spoilers up to Ch. 284. Will also include spoilers for the movies and OVAs, as well as the special Deku & Bakugo: Rising two-shot manga. Reader’s discretion is advised. Not scared off yet? Good. Let’s do this.]

i) Prologue

Alright, no beating around the bush, I guess.

We all know this has to deal with Ch. 284, and the milestone that came with it. We got a rare look inside Katsuki’s perspective, and we saw firsthand how much his perspective has changed from the start of the story. I don’t think we’ve ever gotten such an in-depth look into Katsuki’s psyche since Deku vs Kacchan 2. It’s honestly impressive.

...which is why I’m so confused by a certain kind of response to it.

When you look past the swarms of tumblr posts absolutely losing their s*** over Katsuki getting further character development, you come across an… admittedly troubling response. The idea that “Katsuki always cared.” The idea that as early as the Battle Trial, if not middle school, Katsuki was secretly keeping an eye out for Izuku in their tumultuous relationship.

...no. Just-. No, what the-

I’ll get to why this particular response pisses me off in a bit, but before that, I wanna give a run down of Katsuki’s development, according to the narrative. Anyone who’s been around my blog long enough knows that I don’t exactly hold Katsuki in good graces. (Pretty much the opposite, actually.) However, in light of recent developments, that’s not what this post is gonna be focusing on. And as such, I’ll keep the snark and branch conversations to a minimum… to the best of my abilities.

So… how are we gonna do this?

I) A Brief Explanation

After we finish this brief “tutorial” section, the next three segments of the post will cover the various time frames of Katsuki’s development. I’ll be going through a general rundown of Katsuki’s perspective and the various evidence points that lead me to my conclusions. It’s essentially a glorified retelling. Sound good? Alrighty then!

II) The “What The F*** Is Your Existence” Phase

Time Frame: Ch. 1-Ch. 116 [Sludge Villain Arc-Late Provisional Hero License Exam Arc]

In case the Prologue didn’t make things clear, let me spell it out: Katsuki didn’t always care.

At least, he didn’t “always care” in the positive sense.

To clarify, this isn’t just 3rd Year Middle School Katsuki to UA Katsuki. This is all the way back to the River Incident. Katsuki has had this mentality for that long and then some when you shift out of backstory territory. We’re talking about the same kid who nearly murdered Izuku in the Battle Trial, blasted Izuku to kingdom come in the Training of the Dead OVA, and decked Izuku during the Final Exams. So…

The following hinges majorly on the line Katsuki stated in Chapter 284, and the title of this analysis: “It makes me wanna keep him at arm’s length.” Contrary to popular belief, this does not just apply to the idea that Katsuki wants to stick around Izuku to keep him from destroying himself.

...it’s also a major contributor to the reason Katsuki bullied Izuku in the past.

So let’s backtrack to the River incident. Katsuki takes one wrong step on a log, slips, and falls down into the river below. Izuku is the only one that goes down to help him. This infuriates Katsuki because he was fine, as was said by him and everyone but Izuku that was present that day. This is also the first time Katsuki becomes aware of something he echoes in the Ch. 284 flashback:

“He just… Deep down, he doesn’t take himself into account, y’know?”

This is Katsuki’s first run in with Izuku’s inherent selflessness. Initially, he takes it as pity; in his words, Izuku is “looking down on him.” And this bothers him a great deal. Then when it comes to Quirks, Katsuki gets one and Izuku doesn’t. This assures Katsuki of something he shortly discovered previously: Izuku isn’t all that special.

It’s a brief comfort. Because Izuku hasn’t taken the damn hint and stopped hanging out with him and his friends. The Quirked kids. The normal kids.

And worst still, he’s willing to get in Katsuki’s way just because someone else is in his line of fire. In the back of his mind, it’s the River Incident all over again, though he’s not being feared for; he’s being feared of. It’s all wrong. Deku isn’t strong like the rest of them. Deku can’t be a hero. Deku knows that.

...he knows that he doesn’t stand a chance, right? He knows how the world really works. Is he… is he putting on an act?

One of the few remarkable traits Katsuki has right from the get-go is his disdain against dishonesty. So, when he sees Izuku putting on a brave face and acting like a hero, and Katsuki decides that Izuku’s just “pretending,” Katsuki takes the matter into his own hands. He’ll get Izuku to show his true colors in due time. That’s what heroes do, right? Take down the bad guys? And Izuku faking about caring for others when everyone else clearly puts themselves first and foremost sounds pretty bad guy-like, at least at the time.

So, Izuku keeps on trucking, occasionally trying to join back up with Katsuki’s group on a near frequent basis. Even when that fails, he tries his damnedest to catch up.

But what many people forget is that at some point, Izuku stopped following, at least actively.

By Chapter 1, he’s making sure to keep from drawing attention to himself. He’s not as enthusiastic as everyone else in the class, he tries backing away from Katsuki and shrinking down on himself, tries defusing the situation. That doesn’t sound like Izuku’s still trying to keep up. Even in the special two-shot manga dedicated to Heroes: Rising, Izuku isn’t the one to draw attention to Katsuki’s presence. And even when he does go after Katsuki and the villain, his attention is more so focused on the villain, thoughts of staying out of Katsuki’s way to not offend him likely somewhere in his mind.

So then why does Katsuki keep antagonizing him in the first chapter of canon proper? And even before that, most likely?

“It makes me wanna keep him at arm’s length.”

...Izuku didn’t stop being Izuku. Izuku didn’t stop being selfless.

And his selflessness is what pisses Katsuki off to no end. So, he keeps pursuing Izuku, keeps trying to get him to “drop the act.” Makes him a “punching bag,” as Izuku states in Chapter 8. Because the way things work, Izuku should not be trying to be a hero. He should not be trying to put on a brave face when he’s scared s***less. He should not be sticking his neck out for others when he doesn’t (or rather, didn’t) have anything to stick up for himself.

Katsuki was born with something that made everyone consider him prime hero material. Izuku was born without that, and was considered the opposite… and yet, he still tries.

And this character trait, this selflessness, it drives Katsuki insane. And it continues to do so well beyond the Battle Trial Arc. Even when Katsuki is able to begrudgingly accept that Quirkless Deku has a Quirk now, somehow, his selflessness continues to bring Katsuki grief. While it’s never inherently brought up, this is the dividing factor between Izuku’s fight against Shoto in the Sport’s Festival and Katsuki’s fight with Shoto in the Sport’s Festival.

Izuku was willing to go all out at the cost of himself just so Shoto could accept what was his. Katsuki just wanted a good brawl, to be the undisputed first place.

This even continues well into the Final Exams, though the fact that Katsuki is running high on arrogance and anger does nothing to soothe matters. It takes a deck to face and later an explosive kabedon wall smash to get Izuku and Katsuki working together, and let’s not forget that when Izuku was trying to get Katsuki to realize they were still fighting All Might, regardless of whatever handicaps he may or may not have, he gets decked in the nose for his efforts. While it’s technically a subtler play on Izuku’s selflessness and concern for others, Katsuki likely took it as further mockery, another attempt for Deku to try and get under his skin and throw him off.

In any case, throughout this time period, Katsuki cares f*** all for Izuku or his philosophy, opting to brute force things up until the very end of the time frame. But what causes the eventual shift?

II.A) Breaking The Barriers

A number of things, actually.

None of the proceeding events ever do a clean cut on Katsuki’s worldview. It’s more like chiseling through a wall than breaking it down with a hammer.

The Sludge Villain is the first hint that Izuku might not be faking and Katsuki might not be at the top. While many claim that Katsuki leaves Izuku alone because he feels indebted to him but doesn’t want to admit it, it’s more than likely that he’s more focused on his own self-loathing. This incident is what defines him for a good chunk of the series, to his chagrin.

The Battle Trial is just another nail in the eventual coffin. Katsuki thinks he’s finally got Izuku right where he wants him, only for Izuku to pull a 500 IQ play and prioritize the exercise over his and Katsuki’s squabbles, taking the brunt of Katsuki’s attack and attention while giving Ochako the opportunity to capture the bomb. That look of frustration is Katsuki realizing that not only did Izuku get ahead, he got ahead with the very thing Katsuki despises. Needless to say, it f***s with him well until the aftermath outside of UA’s gate.

Shoto refusing to use his flames is another chip off the marble that is Katsuki’s pride. It reinforces the idea that Izuku is doing something that Katsuki isn’t, something that Izuku shouldn’t have in the first place, beyond a Quirk at least. So, Katsuki rages, because he can’t understand why it’s such a big deal, in both Izuku’s and Shoto’s cases.

The Final Exams just hammer the point home further. Katsuki’s one-track minded attempts to bring down All Might are met with no results. He would have failed that exam if it wasn’t for Izuku’s selflessness or Katsuki “lowering himself” to cooperate with him. Had Katsuki not gotten decked in the face and dragged off or got saved at the last minute while he was knocked out, he definitely would have failed on account of becoming a liability.

The Training Camp attack is an odd mix of Katsuki’s current philosophy and the next stage in it. He knows Izuku’s gonna go and save his ass, and he wants no part of that because hasn’t he made him suffer enough already? Hasn’t he already proved time and time again that he’s getting better, despite the fact that Katsuki doesn’t want or believe it? Despite the fact that it shouldn’t even be happening if things were right in the world? Izuku does recognize Katsuki’s wounded pride, however, which is instrumental in getting him out of All For One’s clutches during Kamino.

If we briefly direct our attention to the Make It! Do-Or-Die Survival Training! OVA, Katsuki is pretty adamant on claiming he only got the power back on in the underground mall to complete the exercise. And I don’t think that’s Katsuki’s “tsundere” talking, either: I genuinely believe that Katsuki’s only thoughts at the moment was getting the exercise done. Everyone else was just secondary. And remember, Katsuki hates dishonesty, which is probably why he doesn’t take credit for “saving” Izuku and Shoto. While his actions did save the two of them and everyone else in the mall, that wasn’t his intention, which is an interesting flip on Izuku’s performance back in the Battle Trial. Couple that with the fact that Katsuki is injured (and therefore weak, and in need of help), and it’s no wonder he’s in a sour mood towards the end of it all.

And this sour mood carries over to the final nail in his coffin: the Provisional License Exam. He only gets by the first half because other people had the sense to tag along, but the second half regards his undoing because he still doesn’t get the whole selfless aspect of saving people in the second half of the exam. This was also foreshadowed back in the aforementioned OVA with Katsuki’s excessive animosity towards the victim dummy. Whether they be real or fake, Katsuki’s disregard of either victim doesn’t grant him his hero license.

This is the straw that breaks the camel's back for Katsuki. And ultimately, this sparks the start in his shift to the second phase of his development.

III) The “I Can’t Let You Get Ahead Of Me” Phase

Time Frame: Ch. 117-~Ch. 257 [Late Provisional Hero License Exam Arc-Early Paranormal Liberation War Arc]

Since this is only the second phase of Katsuki’s development (and given that this is Katsuki we’re talking about), don’t expect to get much of an upgrade with this shift.

Essentially, it boils down to two things: Katsuki stops viewing Izuku as an annoyance, and starts viewing him as an obstacle. Simultaneously, he starts seeing the viability of saving, at least as a tool in a hero’s kit.

Let me explain.

While Deku vs Kacchan 2 is the first time Izuku and Katsuki have attempted to talk out their issues… not much gets addressed. Sure, Katsuki becomes aware of Izuku not looking down on him, but Izuku is never made aware of the deeper issues regarding Katsuki’s loathing beyond that. It primarily serves as a half-barebones narrative checkpoint, a segway for Katsuki to get in on the secret of One For All.

...let’s also talk about that, shall we?

So Izuku’s been getting better as a hero and with his Quirk. Then Katsuki finds out after he gets kidnapped and rescued that Izuku is the successor to their mutual idol. And that’s after essentially being told he can’t be a hero in his current state due to the PLE. And what is his usual response to adversity? He decides to get ahead of it.

He’ll surpass Class 1-A so there won’t be another Battle Trial. He’ll surpass Izuku and One For All so he can truly claim that he’s the best of the best.

Unfortunately, we don’t get to see more of this development until the Joint Training Arc. However, keep in mind that this is only the second stage. Katsuki wants to prove that he’s the best, so of course he’s gonna step up his game. That means taking advice from the LITERAL (former) #1 HERO, and making the victory as flawless as possible. After all, Katsuki himself said in Chapter 208:

“I’ve decided! We’re gonna win this match with a perfect victory! 4-0, with everyone unscathed! That’s the kind of victory there is for the strongest guys out there!”

...it might be a slight exaggeration when he says he’s hardly changed at the end of that chapter, but then again it is a stretch to even call it an exaggeration.

That aside, Katsuki also makes it part of his agenda to keep tabs on OFA. This would fit into the “Katsuki secretly cares” agenda, but we haven’t reached that point. Right now, in these moments, Katsuki figures that if One For All starts getting freaky, he wants to know about it so he can get a leg up. And maybe part of him still wants to call Izuku out.

He was minorly ticked when Izuku allowed himself to make a mistake during their unauthorized fight. And he constantly reminds Izuku to not forget that he’s supposed to surpass him (or the other way around).

Taking off the rose-colored glasses for a moment, it does make sense for Katsuki to say this beyond the context of positive motivation. We are talking about the same Katsuki who lashed out at Shoto for holding back. It’s reasonable to assume that he doesn’t want Izuku to do the same, and lagging behind more or less equates to holding back.

And Katsuki still isn’t completely invested in Izuku’s training for Izuku’s sake. After the Joint Training, Katsuki tries getting Izuku to manifest Black Whip again, and nopes out shortly afterwards when nothing comes of their sparring sessions in Chapter 217. This still isn’t the Katsuki we see in the 284 flashback. He’s still got a ways to go.

Yes, this even rings true for Katsuki during Heroes: Rising. While the film might be the ultimate Bakudeku dream come true, there really isn’t… much depth in regards to Izuku and Katsuki’s past. Y’know, the thing that most people are hoping gets resolved? It only gets referenced a few times in the film, but doesn’t overall factor into anything meaningful. Most of the time when Izuku and Katsuki team up, Katsuki only gets to the fight because he wants to throw hands with villains on an island where (if the status quo had remained unchanged) was likely selected because it had little to no serious villain activity. It just so happens that protecting and working with Izuku is an unintended byproduct of these fights. Katsuki even drops the infamous “lowering myself to work with Deku” line just before the big climax. And even with the transfer of OFA to Katsuki, it strikes less as overcoming a longstanding obstacle and more as plot convenience, especially since by the end of the fight OFA nopes back into Izuku so hard that Katsuki gets mind wiped about the whole thing.

Even during the Endeavor Arc, we don’t see much growth beyond the Ending fight, where Katsuki prioritizes saving Natsuo over throwing hands like he usually would, learning to take saving as more than a tool. This is significant considering it’s Katsuki, but unfortunately, there’s not much else thereafter. The entire arc won’t get referenced as an overall stepping stone until Ch. 284.

And thus, we head to the final phase.

IV) The “Why Don’t You Care About Yourself” Phase

Time Frame: ~Ch. 257-Ch. 284 [Early Paranormal Liberation War Arc-Paranormal Liberation War Arc (Present)]

So here’s an interesting tidbit: Katsuki can’t handle nonphysical confrontation.

Leave him with the fact that his kidnapping could have gotten most of the class expelled because they decided to go rescue him or avoided such while knowing of the operation? He’ll pay back Eijiro for the expensive night vision goggles and make Denki suffer Quirk overuse so he doesn’t need to be reminded.

Get stuck in the middle of a Todoroki Family Drama scene? He’ll try bragging about how he did better than the current #1 Hero to attempt curbing off the situation.

Put him in a discussion with Izuku where they address his additional Quirk manifestations and the full weight of his potential/legacy? Katsuki will brag about having a skill already in his toolkit to ignore the fact that he has the potential to fall behind.

This defines the earlier days of this phase. We don’t see what happens in the timeframe between that and the start of the War Arc until the Chapter 284 flashback. I believe that during the gap between 257 and this flashback, Katsuki allowed himself to process the full weight of what he and Izuku were told during that meeting.

And this marks one of his biggest revelations to date.

Izuku’s selflessness is no longer something annoying. It’s a potential fatal flaw.

For the first time, it’s hitting Katsuki that Izuku is no longer an obstacle, or just an obstacle. Izuku is a person who is working himself to the bone and past that, who would die at the drop of the hat if he thought the payoff was well worth it. He’s finally starting to see that what Izuku is doing to himself is dangerous, and he wants to know what he can do to prevent the serious ramifications.

This is a big phase in his development, no doubt, but um… it’s not the last phase.

If I’m being honest, we’re nowhere close. Why? Well, two reasons:

A) Katsuki still has yet to properly take a loss.

Any and all of Katsuki’s losses are either in his head or narratively negated. And his disproportionate win/loss ratio doesn’t do him any favors either. He’s culminated a philosophy that he can’t and shouldn’t lose, but losing is a crucial aspect of improvement and being human in general. In the case of the story, Chapter 275 suggests that Katsuki wants to face off against Tomura as payback for Kamino. He essentially wants to extend the narrative and treat that loss like a delayed win, as if the loss hadn’t happened yet. Many people claim that this is a bluff he used to cover his true intentions of keeping an eye on Izuku, but I don’t think that’s the case. While sticking by Izuku is a contributing factor, getting a win is equally so, because Katsuki hasn’t properly adjusted to a loss. His strategy for dealing with any kind of loss is just to bulldoze through it like nothing happened, instead of taking the time to understand why he lost and to apply that knowledge for future encounters.

Be aware of your surroundings during the Sludge Villain.

Focus on your priorities and communicate with others during the Battle Trial.

Don’t ignore the situation just to focus on your own intentions during the Training Camp attack.

HELP PEOPLE during the Provisional License Exam.

There are so many lessons Katsuki could have learned sooner if he had taken the time to properly digest his losses. But he didn’t. He still doesn’t. He might have learned some of them eventually, but the fact remains that he nearly ran head first into a suicide mission just because he couldn’t take the loss and was dead set on getting even.

And keep in mind, Katsuki was lamenting on struggling to keep up with Izuku earlier before their encounter with Tomura, and how he couldn’t afford to stay a loser, so this is likely less far-fetched than you think.

Okay, so then what’s the second reason Katsuki’s development is far from over?

B) He hasn’t fully connected the dots on what he did to Izuku.

So far, Katsuki has recognized that he was off-put by Izuku’s selflessness, and that he bullied him over that.

What he hasn’t recognized is how much of a role he played personally in that part of Izuku’s personality, or at least it’s present day incarnation.

Let me clarify a bit. Katsuki is aware that he was distrubed by Izuku’s selflessness. He is aware that bullied him and that, at some degree, was wrong. But I don’t think he’s quite connected the dots on how his intervention has led to Izuku’s current brand of martyrdom.

At the start of the series, Izuku just cares about others. After making sure he gets down to the river safely, he’s willing to lend a hand to Katsuki, who fell from a pretty concerning height ig we’re being honest.

But this unnerves Katsuki. And it leads to his physical altercations with Izuku from time to time.

Remember, Izuku followed Katsuki at the time, but somewhere down the line he stopped. But he never stopped being Izuku, so Katsuki continued to pursue him. Izuku had already been willing to give up in some degree on ever keeping up with Katsuki the way he used to. He knew, at some level, that he wasn’t accepted.

That he wasn’t worth as much as everyone else.

Katsuki bullied Izuku because he was selfless. But Katsuki’s bullying, coupled with the rest of society’s ostracization, twisted and warped that selflessness with low self-esteem, low self-worth, and self-destructive tendencies. Katsuki wasn’t the sole bully of Izuku, but he was a primary perpetrator. And his actions only made the very thing he despised so, so much worse.

...and until he can recognize THAT aspect of his relationship with Izuku, his journey is far from over.

So yeah, Katsuki’s making progress, but we’re still not out of the woods yet.

V) Final Address+Conclusion

So now for the obvious question: why did I write all of this?

I said it at the beginning, about how some people claimed that Katsuki cared all along. I brought up a bit about how it pissed me off. Why, exactly?

Because when people insist that Katsuki threatening Izuku to not go to UA comes from a place of concern, they disregard Chapter 1 Katsuki’s gigantic ego and utter disregard for others, much less so for Izuku.

Because when people insist that Katsuki’s shocked face at the end of the Battle Trial was because he was upset with how he hurt Izuku, they disregard the fact that Katsuki was willing to almost murder Izuku, and if not that then brutalize him, and that at this point Katsuki absolutely loathes getting shown up, which is what Izuku inadvertently did.

Because when people insist that Katsuki always cared from the very beginning, they (un)intentionally undermine one of the few things that draw people to Katsuki’s character: his character development.

On his own, Katsuki is an prodigious, antisocial and angry teen looking for fame and fortune in the industry who grows into a dedicated source of confidence and understanding as he finally allows himself to branch beyond his initial handicaps. If you insist that Katsuki always had the awareness and concern he displayed in 284’s flashback, what do you get instead?

A selfish, self-centered, fickle, emotionally-constipated asshole whose growth is more comparable to a ramp instead of a mountain.

...not as impressive, is it?

While I’m pretty sure this is just a minor trend, that doesn’t excuse the lack of care it demonstrates. If you aren’t willing to admit and live with the fact that Day 1 Katsuki is the worst of the worst and that he did progressively get better through trials and tribulation, why bother? When you insist a character like Katsuki was fine from the start, you take away part of what makes that character so endearing. If they were never an ass to begin with, then what the hell was their problem at the start, or even now? Why the hell would we condone that? It’s important to recognize character flaws and to give them their due, because seeing a character grown out of them is far more self-fulfilling and relatable than insisting that they were always in the right place from the start.

...but then again, that’s just me. Thanks for reading.

-Crimson Lion (20 September 2020)

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leia-organa-fics · 3 years

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aftermath (part III)

I know it´s been forever and there are still open asks in my inbox, but this wouldn´t leave me alone, so I had to write it. I hope you enjoy.

You can find part II here.

***

Before he could get lost in his thoughts again, Leia hectically entered the lounge. “The proximity alarm just went off,” she stated.

“Damn it,” Han cursed and ran to the cockpit, Chewie and Leia hot on his heels. He sat down on the pilot´s seat and started checking the sensor alerts. It wasn´t just one ship in their near vicinity, it was a whole kriffing fleet. Twenty-one ships. Three of them were only freighters, but the rest was equipped with enough weapons to be battleships.

“Are they Imperials?” Leia asked.

“Doesn´t look like it. Probably just scavengers, but we can´t risk them recognizing our ship. We need to get outa here.” Easier said than done. They needed to leave the asteroid field before they could enter hyperspace, but the fastest way to do so would have them flying directly towards the approaching ships. All other routes would lead them through thousands of miles of asteroids, something their shields and hence they would not survive. The ships had effectively cut off their only escape route. That left them only one option.

“Prepare the ship for a jump into hyperspace, Chewie!” Han yelled before yanking the ship around. He would rather take his chances with the fleet than with nature´s force.

Leia didn´t seem to share that opinion. “What are you doing?” she hissed. “You´re heading directly for them.”

Chewie, the traitor, gave a warning roar, too.

Han didn´t even look at them. “Have a little faith, will you.”

“Oh, I have absolute faith in your ability to get us killed.”

“Didn´t they teach you in princess school that it´s not nice to talk about people like that?”

Leia snorted. “Telling them the truth you mean?”

“Thought you politicians don´t do much of that anyway.”

“I´m not a politician anymore. I´m a rebel.”

“That you are, sweetheart,” Han said. “Are you gonna let me concentrate on piloting now or do you actually want us to get killed?”

If she replied, he didn´t hear it because he was too focused on avoiding asteroids. He tuned the rest of the world out. All there was, was the Falcon. The line where he ended, and his ship began was blurred. It was an extension of his body. His hands had melted into the steering panel and all he could think about was dodging.

It took an eternity and mere seconds at the same time, but then, finally, the field started to thin out. There was more and more space, but that also meant that the ships were now right in front of them.

As of yet, they hadn´t fired though. That had to be a good sign, right? Or they wanted to capture them alive …

Behind him, he heard Leia gasp. “That are Alderaanian Battle Cruisers,” she cried.

Chewie gave a distressed roar.

“I don´t think so,” Han answered. “What good would it do the Imps to hijack Alderaanian ships?”

“They must have patrolled the sector, when…,” Leia trailed off. She seemed to be in shock. “Can we contact them?”

Han grimaced. “It might still be a trap.”

“Or it might be my people in need of help.”

He turned to his co-pilot. “Is the jump calculated?”

Chewie made an affirmative sound.

“Alright,” Han said. “But at the first sign of trouble, we get out of here.”

Leia´s hand was already reaching for the comm unit before he had even finished talking. Typically. She jammed in the frequency and send out a signal. “This is Princess Leia Organa. I wish to talk to whoever is in charge of the approaching fleet. Please identify yourself.”

For some seconds there was only static silence, then a man´s voice sounded. “Princess Leia?” he asked incredulously. “Is it really you?”

“Commander Rieekan!” Leia seemed to be just as stunned.

“Princess, I am so glad to hear your voice, but how is this possible? Word of your death reached us almost two weeks ago.”

“Lies of the Empire. They boarded the Tantive IV and detained me, but with some help, I was able to escape.”

“Do you know what happened? Alderaan …“ The desperation in the man´s voice was palpable and Han felt for him. One more person who had lost everything.

Leia sucked in a pained breath. “This is not a conversation we should have over comm. I´m afraid our ship does not have enough space for guests, but may I come over?”

“Of course,” Rieekan said. “We would be honoured to have you.”

With that, the conversation ended. As soon as Leia had cut the connection, Han spun around to face her. “What do you think you are doing? Going over to their ship? It could still be a trap!”

“It´s not a trap,” Leia answered calmly. “This man has served our family for decades. I have known him all my life. He would never betray me.”

“You may think so, but his planet was destroyed because your family dabbled with the Rebellion!” He regretted the words as soon as they had left his mouth – and not only because Chewie gave him an angry shove and called him some very colourful names.

For a second, Leia looked absolutely shattered, then a controlled mask slid over her face. He knew that something between them had just broken and it was his fault alone. Where before she had to a degree trusted him with her emotions, there now was only her political training. The hurt would recede – he hoped so, at least, because some wounds never closed, and he had just worsened one that was already too deep – but gaining her trust back would be one hell of a job.

He wanted to apologize, but before he had the chance, she said, “Riekaan´s loyalty lies with the Rebellion as well. He won´t betray me.”

“Okay,” Han conceded. Because what else was there to do? “But you´re not going alone. I´m coming with you.”

“That´s not necessary.”

“It is. You´re our passenger, I am responsible for your well-being.”

Leia shot him a glare. “I can take care of myself; not that it will be necessary this time.”

“Just humour me, princess, alright?”

“Fine.” She seemed still annoyed with him but at least she agreed.

Rieekan´s ship broke away from the rest of the fleet and approached them. Han, still wary, watched its every move but nothing seemed out of the ordinary so far. When the two ships were close enough, Han steered the Falcon to the cruiser´s docking bay. The two ships connected.

“Be prepared to take off any minute,” he said to Chewie, before joining Leia at the docking bay.

The door that separated the two ships opened. On the other side stood only one man. He looked maybe fifteen years older than Han. He was wearing a dark blue uniform with lots of shiny orders pinned to the jacket, but the material was rumpled, as was his hair. His face was pale and his eyes red-rimmed. All in all, the man – Han assumed it must be Rieekan – looked thoroughly haggard. Still, his face lit up in genuine delight when he laid eyes on Leia. “Your Highness,” he greeted her. His voice spoke equally of graveness and relief.

Leia pressed her lips together. A motion that, as Han had learned over the course of the last few days, meant she was trying not to cry. “Just Leia,” she said after a couple of seconds. “Titles don´t matter anymore.”

Rieekan´s face twisted into a sad smile. “On the contrary, Your Highness,” he said. “Now, titles matter more than ever.”

Leia shot him a questioning look. “What do you mean?”

“We have been robbed of our home. The few of our people who have survived are dispersed all over the Galaxy. They need something to rally around.”

“And you think that something should be me?”

“I didn´t mean to overwhelm you, but you have been the voice of our people since your inauguration as a senator. Now they need you to be their heart as well.”

Leia took a shaky breath. “That´s a lot to ask of a single person.”

And it was. Han´s expertise may not have lain in politics, but even he could comprehend how much this Rieekan person was asking of her. After the loss of Alderaan, he wanted Leia to become their people´s new centre of gravity. Han believed she could do it, no doubt, but even the brightest suns burned out. What if she imploded when hit with the full weight of the remaining Alderaanians´ grief? It hadn´t even been a week. She had barely had time to deal with her own loss …

“I have known you all your life, Leia,” Rieekan said. “You were meant to do this.”

Leia nodded. She seemed to be deep in thought, but Han couldn´t tell whether she agreed with Rieekan´s words and had thought so herself all along or whether she was just bending herself backwards to meet this man´s expectations. He couldn´t decide what would be worse.

After some seconds, Rieekan finally broke the uncomfortable silence. “My apologies, Your Highness. I did overwhelm you, after all. Perhaps we should continue this conversation somewhere more comfortable.”

“Of course,” Leia answered. Then she turned to Han. “Please forgive my rudeness. This is General Rieekan. General, this is Captain Han Solo. He helped me escape and is now escorting me to the Alliance.”

Rieekan looked at Han as if he had just noticed his presence. There was a flicker of … something in his eyes. Maybe it was surprise, maybe even scandal. Then he extended his hand though. “I owe you my thanks, Captain.”

Han took his hand and shook it. He couldn´t suppress a smirk. “Don´t worry. The Alliance already compensated me accordingly.”

“He can´t accept that he´s one of the good guys now,” Leia said exasperatedly. “His co-pilot is a lot more tolerable though.”

Han shot her a wounded look. “And there I was starting to think your princess manners were finally extending to me as well.”

“You were the one who insisted on being friends with me.”

“The last week has undoubtedly proven that my judgement is not what it once was.”

Leia ignored him and turned to Rieekan instead. “You said something about going somewhere more comfortable, General.”

“Of course, if you´d like to follow me.”

He led them away from the docking bay. The few crew members they passed on their way all seemed to be still in shock after what had happened to their planet. That didn´t prevent them from reacting to Leia´s presence with awe though. All of them bowed and greeted her respectfully. Inwardly, Han shook his head over their behaviour. No wonder she was so bossy when people had treated her like that all her life.

After reaching some kind of conference room, they were equipped with some refreshments before finally continuing their conversation. Again, Rieekan didn´t beat around the bush. “Do you know what happened to Alderaan?” he asked once they were alone and behind closed doors. “We were at the other end of the sector. Our sensors could only detect some kind of explosion and then it was just gone.”

Leia was staring at the wall behind Rieekan when she answered, “The explosion you noticed was caused by a weapon. The Empire created a battle station with enough firepower to destroy a planet. However, a weapon like that is only feared when people know that it works. I would have never imagined … “

Rieekan´s face twisted in anguish. “The Empire did this?”

“It did.”

Silence fell over them. Suddenly, Han felt very out of place. He wasn´t from Alderaan. He couldn´t relate to their loss (and hopefully never would be able to). Back on the Falcon, when it had just been Leia, Chewie, and himself, that hadn´t been a problem but now he felt like an intruder who was disturbing their shared grief. It was too late to back out though. He was stuck in this room with them. The thought of what the conversation he would witness could entail made his stomach churn.

As if he had read his thoughts, Rieekan whispered, “Why Alderaan? There are countless uninhabited planets. How did we deserve this?”

“We didn´t,” Leia answered icily. “Not one sentient being that was on Alderaan when it happened deserved that fate.”

“Why did they choose Alderaan then?”

Again, Leia couldn´t meet anyone´s eyes. She kept staring grimly at the while and her voice was hoarse when she started to talk. “A small strike force managed to steal the battle station´s blueprints. They sent them to us, to the Tantive IV, during the battle of Scarif. We tried to get the plans to the Alliance, but Vader caught up to us near Tatooine.” Leia took a shaky breath. “Before he boarded the ship, I sent two droids out in an otherwise empty escape pod, to bring the plans to an old friend of … my father´s who lived on Tatooine. They got away, but Vader took me prisoner. He wasn´t exactly happy about not finding the blueprints. Neither was Tarkin. So when I refused to give up the Alliance´s location and they were in need of a target …” Leia didn´t finish the sentence. She didn´t have to. “I´m so sorry,” she whispered instead.

Rieekan remained silent. He seemed to need some time to take in all the new information. Han couldn´t blame the man. Even his own head was swirling after hearing all that and he had already known a big part of it beforehand. Suddenly, Leia´s behaviour made a lot more sense. She was blaming herself for what happened to Alderaan. She´d had to stand by helplessly while the Death Star had destroyed her planet and Han could only guess that it had destroyed a part of her as well. He wondered what she had been like before. Somehow, he couldn´t imagine her as carefree and wasn´t that just awful?

He snuck a glance at her. She was still wearing the same stoic mask. Han couldn´t help himself. In contradiction to his earlier resolution to not intrude on this conversation, he said with all the conviction he felt, “It wasn´t your fault.”

That jerked Rieekan out of his stupor. “He´s right,” he said. “It wasn´t your fault, Your Highness.”

Leia took a shaky breath. “If it had been someone else who had brought the plans, they would have destroyed another planet. The only reason they chose Alderaan was me.”

Rieekan´s kind gaze held something fatherly when he answered, “That still doesn´t make it your fault, Leia. You did everything you could. Your parents would be proud.”

“We will never know, will we? They´re dead.”

There wasn´t much that could be said in response and definitely nothing that would have made a difference. There were a couple seconds of silence.

“What are you going to do now?” Leia finally changed the topic.

“I can only speak for myself, but my place is with the Rebellion.”

Leia nodded as if she had anticipated that. “Everyone who wants to join is welcome with the Rebellion and if I have anything to say, we will still provide help to anyone who doesn´t.”

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letterstomilen · 3 years

Text

the death of rex lapis (hopefully)

Zhongli, Vampire Alternative Universe (warning: this is mainly expositional bc ive had fun playing around w the idea of how zhongli would be if he was a vampire so idk where this’ll go! there is some childe/zhongli but not much!! anyways happy birthday zhongli i love you :) Zhongli does not make a good vampire.

Immortality is meant to make you smart.

But what people forget is that you don’t live that long because of wits. Immortality does not mean you are capable; it means that you were foolish enough to get bitten and didn’t think much of it later.

He wasn’t clever when he was held by Guizhong, who smiled sweetly at him as she looked at him, her hair brushing against his skin and cold hands curling the ends of his hair. And certainly not sharp when he failed to notice that her heart wasn’t beating and she seemed to look more at his neck— ”You have a very fine neck,” she informed him when he asked, and he nodded, assuming that it was one of those things sculptors just happened to notice—than his eyes for the majority of the night.

Whether it was out of guilt or disinterest, he doesn’t know. Zhongli would like to think that it was out of guilt, because prior to the night, they were friends. And after she bit his neck, she held him in her arms, whispering story after story as he stuck by fever.

The pain was unimaginable. First—there was shock. And then minutes later, while he wondered why the room smelled more like sweat and blood than incense, he realized that he was still held down.

This must be what quarry feels like, he thought then. But now he knows otherwise; prey would never be held so gently and lay there limply if they could help it. He, while being drained every bit of life, was a willing, sitting duck.

That was before the pain, of course. When she finally let go of him to wash her face—he recalls this clearly: her wiping her face, then licking the blood off her hands with the relish of a child on her birthday, before leaving to the bathroom—he laid there paralyzed. It was, he’s discovered, a bit like being drunk.

Only that the alcohol left his insides in unimaginable pain for days on end. He stumbled when he tried to stand; babbled as he struggled to speak. Even now he only remembers brief flashes of it, when he tore the skin on his arm with his newly grown canines, or hours of rejecting food that he could not quite stomach.

In reality, he was a child—a baby, really, if you were being blunt about it. The weeks that followed were horrendous and perhaps it’s a blessing that he spent the majority of them inhibited, the metamorphosis shedding every part of him that he was comfortable with. But as the days went on, the pain gave way to numbness and numbness gave away to strength.

And when he finally regained enough consciousness to form a coherent sentence, he asked Guizhong why she did it. She, with the certainty of somebody that’s lived for longer than he had, answered, “Well, you’ve always been interested in how the world would change after you were gone. Isn’t this now your chance to witness it?”

Fanaticism with history and predictions could only get you so far. To witness it—wasn’t that just a dream? And because he assumed that rocks were eternal and could not erode back then, he nodded in agreement.

It was a mistake.

Six hundred years ago, Zhongli underestimated the length of his lifetime. One day he’d be talking to somebody about their newborn and it would only be a blink later where their newborn was six feet under, hailed for having a long and blessed life. (What made a blessed life? It couldn’t have been the years –he concluded that every year he was more cursed than before.) Relationships were scarce because he forgot that not everybody experienced time the same way he did.

Days, contrary to his belief, were not fleeting seconds but rather twenty-four hours long. They composed of both the night and day, waking and sleeping hours instead of mindless walks that ended with him apologizing profusely before his fangs were embedded deep into somebody’s throat.

Somebody suggested for him to just do it in an alley and leave them there to be found at morning. But that was too disrespectful—uncouth even. He preferred to invite them into his home, graciously taking their coat and ushering them inside to a table filled with food. Venti always commented on how polite he was to the very end, taking extra care to cook food that he knew they liked—“Last meal before execution, huh?” he’d comment. “Very romantic.”—and making them comfortable until the very end.

That’s not how it started of course.

He tried starving himself at first—much to Osial’s amusement. On a night out, where Zhongli was more attuned to the heat and beating hearts of the people around him than the delicacies laid out, Osial took it a step further by passing him a cup with a thick, maroon liquid that sloshed around in it.

It smelled finer than the silk flowers that littered the gardens, and when he took the cup, he felt one step closer to the damnation Guizhong always spoke of. The worst part was that it didn’t churn his stomach—instinctually, he felt more delighted than he ever felt, a smile cracking his worn face as he inspected the goblet. Only when did he take note of Osial’s smug expression, the glint in his eyes that reminded him of an elusive professor, and the way he watched him carefully the way a parent would watch a child take its first steps, did he hesitate.

It wasn’t benign; it was as if he expected him to trip and fall over after attempting to take his first steps, taking pleasure in both the failure and success. Because both would end with Zhongli crossing the line one way or another, wouldn’t it? And there was nothing more enjoyable than sadism to somebody that’s seen it all already.

Right now he is fighting a losing battle. But he would rather starve than lose it here, so he hands the cup back to him, feeling a little more of his willpower crack.

Animal blood, by all accounts, is disgusting. It’s oily and sometimes he’d get sick, ending the night more ravenous than ever as if his skin were tightening around itself. You couldn’t just drink it—especially if you didn’t know where the animal has been. First you had to kill it neatly—a quick breaking of the neck would suffice, as strangulations were often drawn out—and then you had to clean it.

There was something almost humane in the process. Countless butchers have done it before, so he felt comfortable doing it himself.

It was only when he sunk his teeth into the carcass that he felt more like a vulture than anything else. The blood only staved off his hunger for short periods, so it was more of a painkiller than a sufficient meal.

And Osial found the whole thing to be hilarious.

“How unfortunate. If only Guizhong didn’t choose somebody that insisted on drinking animal blood, then it’d be more enjoyable. You know—if you open your mouth a little wider, you’ll look a bit more like the starving beast you are.” Then he dipped a finger in the cup and licked it as if it were chocolate, sweet and rich.

“Yes… Perhaps I should move onto better things. Do you think vampire blood is like wine? Or would age spoil its taste? I imagine that to a starving beast, there would be no difference—no matter how rotten your blood is, it’s still blood after all.”

Osial laughed and spit the blood out. “Well, you’re not wrong. This animal blood may be disgusting, but to you, what’s the difference?”

He wore his cruelty like a well-fitting suit, the creases shaped like ill-natured grins. Zhongli wondered if that will be him hundreds of years from now, but maybe Osial was always this unpleasant. Guizhong spoke of him the way somebody would talk about their ill-tempered cousin—sure, he’s awful to be around but he’s been a part of the family for so long already.

At the very least, he can provide a good meal. The question will always be for who, and his appetite is insatiable concerning all matters. Some vampires preferred a more barbaric approach of finding somebody, killing them, and then throwing the body away. Others—like Osial—treated it more like a game, drawing it out.

Sometimes he’d target entire families and call it a “feast” inviting others to join him. They were gruesome affairs that ended with many drunk on blood for weeks at a time, and even though he never went to them, he always heard about them.

Directly from Osial of course. Who seems intent on highlighting every small detail, every bloody death or desperate guest that was less than willing in the end but, Osial would say with delight, weren’t they all? As a matter of fact—and here was when he’d bring Guizhong into it, dragging her out of her room with her blueprints and models—Zhongli was very willing, wasn’t he?

“Up until he realized that he had to drink blood,” he’d say, as if he finally reached the punchline for a joke—then Osial would throw his head back with laughter.

And it’s not as if he hadn’t before. Sometimes, if he hurt himself, he would’ve licked the blood. But that tasted metallic—it was nothing like the delicacies that other vampires would set out, naming the meals by age, defining trait (sexual activity, lifestyle, etc.), and gender.

It took him fifty years for his willpower to break down. And he did it in front of Barbatos, who simply watched as he drank, not speaking of the way Zhongli drunkenly rambled for hours on end nor the way blood trickled down his neck and stained his clothing.

The deaths after that were easier. It was almost disappointing how he managed to replicate what Guizhong did with such ease. When he set the serviette over their chest before sinking his teeth into their jugular, he felt just like her.

Only when did he clean them up before burying them did he truly feel at rest. At the time it felt like appropriate compensation—a substitute for the promise he failed to keep for himself. The whole ordeal of washing the blood out of their matted hair and drying it out as he laid them down alleviated the sense of unease.

Guizhong would often watch him while he did it, pointing out certain anatomical features as she did. Her hands would trace over their veins, pressing down on the blue as she spoke. Osial joined them once, but he was so perturbed by the attention Zhongli dedicated to the process that he left immediately.

That was centuries ago.

He, sometime down the line, traded in these rituals for slaughter and abandoned that for mimicking the human lifestyle.

Barbatos would say that it’s been badly done, of course.

“You make the worst human,” he once said, as he watched Zhongli struggle to stomach garlic bread that he offered him.

Which could be why he’s now cornered by a vampire hunter.

The Wangsheng Funeral Parlor is often frequented by vampires all around Teyvat—there are rumors of blood dealings with underground groups but the Milileth has never investigated it—and Zhongli, with no danger signals, happens to be one of them.

It doesn’t help that he works there too. The irony that all these years later he never quite rid himself of dealing with dead bodies isn’t lost on him.

And he did hear about the Fatui, because word about people hunting vampires travels fast in a country as busy as Liyue.

“Sir,” the vampire hunter informs him kindly, “you do know that this is a hub for vampires, right?”

The voice isn’t what shocks Zhongli. Neither is the maroon mask that’s hanging by the side of his head—one told to be notorious among only the most vicious of hunters—or the thin outlines of weapons in his clothes.

It’s his eyes. They’re a bright blue, usually associated with the sea on bright days, but they’re more akin to the vampires that Zhongli has seen before with the wild glint in his eyes. It’s jarring with the smile that he adopts as he asks, and he imagines opening his mouth to a pair of fangs.

He knows that he won’t find them though. If the rumors he hears are any indications, the Fatui are above recruiting any vampires that’ll threaten their operation.

“Ah. Yes. I do. I’m the consultant here, you see,” he explains politely.

And shouldn’t that be an indication that he’s a vampire? Hu Tao is notorious for her strange tastes. And he must know of the deals she makes with underground groups, the money and blood that’s traded between them.

“Oh!” the hunter’s expression brightens as he clasps his hands together. “I heard about you! I got to say—when they told me that the consultant was knowledgeable on all things Rex Lapis, I was expecting an old man.”

He doesn’t wait to explain who Rex Lapis is. This, of course, is a given seeing that Rex Lapis has become a household name, infamous for his butchery of both vampires and humans alike. But a hundred years later, Zhongli hoped, people would forget about him—or maybe get rid of the fanaticism in their voices when they spoke about him.

It’s quite discomforting, really.

“Well, I am old.”

He laughs, “Yeah, yeah. You hardly look older than me. Call me Childe—I was hoping that you could, ah, answer a few questions I have on Rex Lapis. The 77th Master said that you’d be available and more than willing. She.. actually, here you go!”

Zhongli takes the paper he offers him, which says If you ask him anything, he’d be more than willing to spend the rest of the day answering it! in her rough cursive that he’s grown to dislike. Of course—the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor is not beneath fraternizing with vampires or the Fatui.

But he prefers this much more than the vampires that stare at him as they struggle to place him in their ancient hierarchy. And this does work in his favor, he thinks. A vampire hunter wants to know more about him, Rex Lapis—wouldn’t this aid him in finally meeting his end?

So he politely smiles and gives him back the note, not missing how warm Childe’s skin is in comparison to his own. It’s been years since he’s touched a human without the intention of killing them, hasn’t it?

More than suitable then.

“Of course. What would you like to know?”

#this is completely self indulgent my bad #osial #guizhong #zhongli #genshin impact #vampire zhongli

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inqorporeal · 3 years

Text

Future Tense

It was rare, Theron mused, that things were so quiet that they had a moment to relax like this. The cantina was bustling, and all of the advisors and primary staff had been able to justify taking the evening off. Theron got a lot of shit for being a workaholic, and even now he could feel the niggling itch of a puzzle left unsolved. But it could wait. For the moment, there were more important things to worry about.

Sitting in the booth beside him, the Commander cradled their drink between their hands and leaned a little more into Theron's space, seeking permission.

It was a… weird dynamic between them. The Commander was Imperial, Theron was a Republic spy. Feelings should never have developed between them; but what had begun as an uneasy alliance had blossomed into a mutual respect and even admiration. By the time Theron ran into them on their way to rescue him from the Revanites, well….

You couldn't fake that look of relief in a person's eyes. They had stood up for him, defended him, and hadn't agreed with Lana about her willful negligence which had led to Theron's capture. Seven years later and he was still awed that anyone had successfully extracted an apology, however reluctant, from a Sith Lord on his behalf.

When they'd first begun their association chasing rumours of Revanites, Theron had been worried that the two Imperials might try to extract Republic secrets from him; neither had asked more than he was willing to offer, and even though he'd felt incredibly lonely during that time, he had also felt at ease. Nobody was leaning over his shoulder for once Marcus, nor prying into his downtime activities Jonas, and the people he had to work with had encouraged him to put the datapad down in the evenings to share a drink or two and talk shit about members of the Dark Council. Theron had felt free enough to dump some of his (non-classified) dirt on certain Senators, to the amused delight of his partners in conspiracy-routing.

So when the Commander had asked about Satele, Theron may have spilled a bit of long-held bitterness. It wasn't really fair of him -- Satele wouldn't have wanted to let Darth Marr know Theron might be leverage on her (he would be; her distance in his youth aside, Satele did care). But… he'd been tired. The painkillers had been wearing off. Maintaining a semblance of professional decorum during that meeting had consumed his remaining energy, and his patience had largely taken a leave of absence.

The Commander -- his ally, swiftly sliding into territory that could have tentatively been friendship -- had expressed concern, support, bantered lightly and teased him, drawing his mind away from the pressing issues for a precious moment. When they'd kissed him, it had felt real, like Theron was appreciated and cared for, like they had seen the worst sides of him and found the whole package worth the risk.

They had been risking everything, stealing private moments when and where they could on Yavin IV, surrounded by military detachments from both sides who clearly didn't trust each other. If anyone who had cared had caught them together, Theron would have lost his job and possibly been brought up for an official inquiry; who knew what the Commander had risked. Knowing the Sith, probably interrogation and/or death.

Just for him, Theron, a Jedi washout, an intelligence analyst with no life outside his work and a long list of past relationships that had never survived his career for more than a couple of months. The knowledge had shaken him to his core then, and it still did now: that someone had looked at Theron and found him worth risking death for.

Of course it could have been a ruse, but the looks Lana had been giving them said otherwise. She pretended not to see anything and didn't utter even one word of teasing. If Marr and Satele found out about them, it wouldn't be from her.

Saying goodbye had been unexpectedly painful. In truth, Theron had allowed things to continue because he hadn't believed they would live long enough to see the end of it. So, it seemed, had the Commander. Who needs words? they'd whispered, and kissed him, soft and tender, gloved fingers weaving into his hair and pulling him close. Theron had started to speak, to say how sorry he was, and they'd pressed a fingertip to his lips, with a smile so gentle and sorrowful it damn near broke his heart. Message received: don't apologise for the inevitable.

Theron had spent a year denying that it still ate at him, denying that he thought of them every day, denying that the reason he'd stopped joining Jonas for nights out that ended with casual hook-ups had less to do with working hard to re-prove his loyalty and more to do with the fact that a certain Imperial loyalist had claimed Theron's heart and he didn't want a replacement. Hearing about what had happened to Marr's fleet, though, had blasted that denial right out of the sky. Theron had got back in touch with Lana, asking what happened; maybe she'd actually liked him, or maybe she'd just been in shock, but she gave him straight answers instead of telling him where to get off, and then wrapped it up with, They're not dead, Theron. I can feel them, still. I'll be in touch.

Now he knew why the Commander had been pissed enough to force Lana to apologise to him a year earlier. The thought of the Commander imprisoned somewhere while everyone assumed they were dead nearly destroyed Theron. He'd thrown out all the alcohol in his Coruscant apartment so he wouldn't give into the temptation, and the feeling of time being wasted on the comparative minutiae of his actual job scratched and scraped at the back of his brain. Jonas, perceptive bastard that he is, had noticed; he'd suggested burning off Theron's restlessness with a night out and got snapped at for his trouble.

Theron had -- eventually -- apologised for that, but not before Lana had commed him on the secret, massively encrypted frequency he'd devised. Theron had sent his apology to Jonas taped to the only bottle of booze he'd kept, the unopened bottle of Corellian brandy Jonas had given him to celebrate Theron's most recent promotion.

He had no illusions that he'd effectively sunk his fifteen-year career in the SIS when he'd packed up his essentials and bought a shuttle ticket to Nar Shaddaa under a pseudonym, using credits from one of his other pseudonymic accounts. It wasn't like his work mattered anymore, anyway. In the last few months since Zakuul's Eternal Fleet had come out of nowhere and effectively annexed the Republic, their department heads had played at pretending everything was fine and normal, while all signs pointed to the contrary. According to Lana, the Empire was in much the same state.

Theron had long since grown tired of sitting on his hands instead of actually doing something. He never had dealt with periods of inactivity well.

And now… now he sat in a cantina surrounded by people he by rights should never have become friends with, with his arm openly around the shoulders of a certain ex-Imperial whose faith and loyalty had been well and truly shattered. They'd looked terrible when Theron had first seen them upon his arrival at Odessen: too thin, too exhausted, moving like everything hurt.

It hadn't prevented them from hugging him tightly -- right there in front of everyone -- and murmuring, "You're a sight for sore eyes," the same greeting they had offered on Ziost six years earlier. The feelings were still there, stronger than ever, and Theron had accepted the knowledge that this was his life now. Their lives, now.

The Commander was doing better since Valkorion had taken a cryptic leave of absence; better appetite, less prone to waking up in the middle of the night cursing out someone Theron couldn't throw out of the room, able to focus on work without drifting off to glare at the corner of the room every few minutes. Force only knew how much hassle the creepy Sith ghost had been giving them. It was a relief to Theron, as well -- both of them had been uneasy about the idea of the Sith Emperor watching them in the privacy of their quarters.

"What do you plan to do?" Theron found himself asking. "When this is all over and things go back to normal, I mean," he added when everyone at the table looked at him.

The Commander frowned into their drink. "I'm not sure 'normal' is ever going to happen," they answered. “Too much has changed in the galaxy. Everyone has been forced to adjust and adapt."

Theron gestured to the cheerful crowd beyond the relative privacy of their table. "I mean… the Alliance. Are we all going to have to just… go home?"

The Commander looked thoughtful, then glanced at Lana. "In your professional estimation--"

"Hah," Lana snorted, but she was smiling.

"Shush, you. In your estimation, how many friendships and romantic entanglements have occurred since the Alliance established itself?"

"On Odessen?"

"Everywhere we have operations."

The Sith frowned for a moment. "Hundreds. Thousands."

"Mmhmm, and in your estimation, how many of those would be considered cross-faction?"

Theron could see where this was going but he remained quiet -- his specialty was external intelligence; Lana's was internal.

"Roughly two-thirds, if we're considering smugglers, pirates, and bounty hunters their own faction."

The Commander looked back out at the bar. "Infrastructure is nothing without the people who make it tick, and those little alliances mean something. Say we win. Say we beat Valkorion at his own game. Do you really think people will happily give up everything they've built over the last few years and go back to what we were doing before? No. The defection rate would be tremendous. We're all here because the people we wanted to trust in sat back and did nothing, chose to use the opportunity to enrich themselves politically rather than combining their strength and fighting back." They turned their glass on the table, watching the water ring smear. "I'm not going back. I can't. I can't believe in that anymore. And if there are others who also don't want to go back…? Then we'll figure something out together."

Theron looked over at Lana, who met his eyes and shook her head. She couldn't go back, either. "Then maybe we should start thinking about future organisation," she ventured. "I know you don't want to remain in control forever--"

The Commander scoffed and leaned further into Theron's side. "I'm only the Commander because you pushed for it. Our Zakuul allies want me to sit on the Eternal Throne. I can guess why -- they think I'm Valkorion's next incarnation -- and I don't want that. Zakuul can figure its own shit out. But if we settle anywhere else, either the Republic, the Empire, or both will try to annex us. They already dislike the concept of a third power existing in the galaxy, and let's be real: Odessen isn't as secret as we wish it was. We should already be looking for a backup base; we might as well look for something that can be more permanent. I’m not just giving this up. Not again."

They hesitated, and glanced at Theron, something guilty in their eyes. Before they could apologise for making a choice without talking to him first, Theron pressed his temple against theirs. "Wherever we go, you can count on me to be there too."

#just swtor things #I have a beef with how the Alliance and the expanded story were handled #Theron x Commander because the dynamic is fun #Imperial Commander because that dynamic is also a lot of fun #wish the game had gone more into how all this shit is affecting the people caught up in it

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chikkou · 4 years

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Will you talk more about Lisa?? Lisa the character specifically but also your feelings on his feelings about Buddy? I just thought your analysis was so good and I want to hear other thoughts you have on her.

yall are honestly spoiling me rn sdhkfdjfks this is like a dream come true

i already got into the stuff with buddy in this ask here but i have a LOT to say about lisa and the connection between her and buddy so u better settle in!

ok so firstly ill start with lisa. i played the original lisa game (lisa the first) not long after it first dropped in 2012, and im not even kidding when i said it changed me LMAO.... seeing a story about a girl suffering is nothing new, but austin jorgensens approach to it was so fucking unique. you dont just witness it, you get to EXPERIENCE it right along with her. many stories that involve sexual abuse/rape show or otherwise depict it explicitly for the shock value, which is both disgusting and, in my opinion, extremely fucking exploitative. i feel that it is horrific to dignify an act so deeply evil with screentime. but lisa stood out to me immediately because, even though you know exactly whats going on, the game NEVER shows anything explicit. everything is layered in subtext and symbolism, and austin is fantastic with indirect storytelling, so you learn so much from just a little drop of information. this applies not just to the game proper, but to the character as well.

in case its not clear: i absolutely ADORE lisa. she is my favorite character in all of the games, bar none. its going to sound kind of fucked up, but as a kid around her age going through some fucked up shit, her committing suicide at the end felt like a sort of victory to me. she knew she could never escape from marty or what he was doing to her. he leaks into every single part of her psyche, everything she ever cared about or loved is ruined because of him, and even the vague memory of her mother is completely corrupted, and turned into a muddled version of him. lisa the first also had the added benefit of some religious commentary, as there are crosses all over their home and marty is characterized as an extremely religious man, which i fucking LOVE and wish had come back in the painful, but its an acceptable loss. anyway, lisa committing suicide at the end was an act of defiance against not just marty, but martys god, as suicide is considered a mortal sin in catholicism. lisa knew she’d never be free of marty in life, so she escaped the only way she could; she was defiant to the end.

ive seen people complain that the painful has a bit of a “lost lenore” thing going on, since lisas death seems to fuel the Manpain of both brad and buzzo, but i actually disagree. on the contrary, its just like austin himself said - lisa will never be gone. lisa is ALWAYS there, with brad, and buzzo, and buddy, and marty, and yado, and the ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD. i dont necessarily think that there is something paranormal going on in the game, but i AM going to say that, unlike other cases of a girl/woman dying for a mans backstory, lisa isnt just a bittersweet memory they can reflect on and then put away when its convenient for them. she is a presence that is felt throughout the entire game. brad sees her more than once, sometimes watching, sometimes reprimanding him. buzzo is clearly haunted by her, as he cries out to her a few times in the joyful. every character who was directly touched by lisa - brad, marty, and buzzo - calls out to lisa as they die. call it their guilt or call it her actions, but in either case, it is clear that lisa just as significant of a character in the painful as she was in the first, even if she cant always be seen. even in a meta-sense, every game in the series - even the joyful, whose protagonist doesnt even know who she is - is named after her. she is at the center of everything that happens in them.

that actually brings me to buddy, because i find the dynamic between her and lisa fucking fascinating. as i previously mentioned, brad never talked about his past with buddy, and snaps at her for bringing up his adoptive son dusty (rando), so it goes without saying that she definitely doesnt know who lisa is. in spite of that, though, lisa is a fucking massive part of buddys life, and while she may not know the person herself, i think she is aware that when people (and brad especially) look at her, they arent seeing HER.

i mentioned it in another post, but even though brad takes it upon himself to raise and “protect” buddy, he seems to almost unwittingly recreate lisas appearance, primarily by allowing her hair to grow long even though he knows what a risk that is to her safety. he also treats buddy in a manner thats incredibly similar to how marty treated lisa (sans sexual abuse, of course) - he insults her, does not let her leave the house at all, and forces her to do unsavory things that no one should ever have to do (in buddys case, this means killing at least two innocent people because brad doesnt want a “weak” daughter). the most literal comparison between buddy and lisa is the fact that they are both very young girls being essentially held captive by their father figures, albeit for different reasons, and both long for freedom from their captors.

theres also the fact that both buddy and lisa have to deal with misogyny and the effects of rape culture firsthand; they both battle against men who feel entitled to do with them whatever they please, and the threat of ongoing sexual abuse looms heavy over both of their heads. neither one can seek help from anyone; the neighbors in brad and lisas town seem complacent at best, if they even know what is happening to lisa at all, and buddys only allies (sans rando) are long dead by the start of the joyful. this is not just a hypothetical or a distant possibility. this is the real, tangible fate that will befall them if they cant somehow secure their safety.

sadly, because lisa wasnt playable in either of the rpgs, we dont know if she was able to fight as brad was, but it is highly probable that she had the innate skill but was never able to learn it (as marty highly discouraged them from learning “their grandfathers karate,” and seemed disgusted whenever brad did so). however, she did have ONE weapon she could make use of, and this is a weapon buddy ends up using, as well - her femininity. she became close to bernard (aka buzzo), made him fall in love with her, and then used him as a last ditch effort to stop martys abuse by having him mutilate her face. im not saying lisa never cared about bernard - in fact, i think she DID really love and care for him - but her own fucked up experiences with “love” meant she really couldnt understand what it was supposed to be like, or that it was wrong to manipulate the people you care about. lisa did very few things wrong - it pretty much just stops at the maiming of the cat and her manipulation of bernard - but she knew that she would never get away from marty without some kind of drastic action being taken, and scarring herself was her last ditch effort before ultimately committing suicide.

buddy ends up taking a somewhat similar tack in the joyful, and like in lisas case, its simultaneously resourceful and horrific. one of buddys key moves in the joyful is to flash the enemy (which the player obviously doesnt see) in order to distract them long enough to get the kill. its fucking horrible and disgusting and makes you feel so dirty, but then, how must buddy feel having to do something like that just to survive? shes just a child, but in a world where almost every man is out to get you, she knows this has to be done to save herself, very much like lisa. unlike in lisas case, though, buddy is successful in securing her safety in this way - lisas effort is for naught, and leads to her committing suicide not very long after.

in a way, i sort of attribute buddys brutality to lisas omnipresence; all of the men pursuing buddy are just like marty, monsters who would harm a fucking child for their own disgusting ends, and i think that when buzzo said that lisa wouldve loved olathe, what he means is that she would have loved seeing so many horrible men being punished for what theyd done. so in my opinion, buddy carving out a place for herself in olathe by killing all those who would subjugate her seems very much in the mentality lisa would have had. sure, there are some innocents who sadly get roped into it, but that would definitely not be her intention; for example, if buzzo could have practiced amputation without harming a living thing, i dont think lisa would have asked him to practice on the cat. note the LACK of brutality at the beehive and the swamp bar, two of the few peaceful places in the painful and both devoid of predatory men hunting for buddy - lisa has no qualm with any of them. but marty? brad could hardly even get a full sentence out before killing him on the spot. i dont doubt that that has a great deal to do with lisas presence.

ok i talked for a while LMAO but basically i think that, in a more metatextual sense, lisa and buddys relationship really strikes me as an accurate depiction of generational trauma. of course it was intentional with the more obvious trauma chain (marty to brad to buddy), but the trauma chain of marty to lisa to buddy is rarely ever addressed due to lisa not physically appearing in the painful. however, i believe it may inform buddys actions a great deal more than people realize - after all, buddys experience is unique, but who could understand it better than lisa? who knows that sort of pain, of being alone on an island, the lone woman trapped with a man (or men) who want nothing more than to cause you harm? even without her realizing it, lisa is guiding buddy, encouraging her to take back what is hers no matter the cost, to punish those who would try to take what they want from her. lisa might be dead, but she is a vengeful presence throughout every game, and buddys actions feel like theyre meant not only to save herself, but to avenge lisa, even if she doesnt realize it. at the end of the day, buddy and lisa both get to exact revenge against all the men who have wronged them, and they succeed. they are aggressive, and violent, and selfish, and ANGRY - and they have every fucking right to be.

#lisa the first #lisa the painful #lisa the joyful #long post #yall GOTTA stop u know good and damn well i will talk about this game all fucking day hdskjdsk #rape mention #abuse mention #lisa #anya's anons

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feste-the-jester · 3 years

Text

Do you know what’s fun?

Picking the blog of someone you don’t like, and seeing how far you can twist things to make it fit the BITE model -criteria to identify a cult. GREAT fun. All you need is a bit of creativity and a total disregard for accuracy. Don’t believe me? Let’s have a try and see how we do! The Bite model can be found here, with many thanks to the Fool for bringing it to my attention.

I. Behavior control:

6. Manipulation and deprivation of sleep.

The Fool lives in Australia and most of his readers are in a different time zone. This means that every time he starts publishing numerous posts about the latest drama, his followers are likely to get absorbed in it, depriving themselves of sleep and becoming more susceptible to his interpretation of things.

9. Major time spent with group indoctrination and rituals and/or self indoctrination including the Internet.

Each time the Fool decides on a new “sin”/aberrant behavior that the “enemy” is guilty of, he will publish many posts repeating the same assertion. Frequent repetition of the core message is a well known indoctrination technique. Many of the Fool’s followers are likely spending an inordinate amount of time on his blog, judging by the speed and frequency that “likes” from the same people appear.

10. Permission required for major decisions.

The Fool often receives and publishes asks, asking him for permission to create a blog similar to his, asking if it’s ok to follow or interact with Simon Alkenmayer, whether they or their friends are safe etc.

11. Thoughts, feelings, and activities (of self and others) reported to superiors.

Readers inform the Fool of what is happening on Simon and Kristina’s blog, report (often mistakenly, rarely, if ever, corrected) what Simon has said or done, both on tumblr and on other social media, such as Twitter. They also contact the Fool to report on their own thoughts and reactions to Simon.

12. Rewards and punishments used to modify behaviors, both positive and negative.

Readers who agree with the Fool and mirror his opinions are rewarded with sympathy (for their negative experience) and by having their intellect and critical thinking skills praised. Anyone who disagrees is deemed to be naive, immature, indoctrinated by Simon, incapable of logic etc. Indeed, the whole continued existence of the Fool’s blog is arguably a form of punishment for Simon “threatening him” with legal action back when the blog was first created. This communicates to members what kind of retribution they may expect if they cross the leader’s boundaries.

13. Discourage individualism, encourage group-think.

Any reports confirming the Fool’s assertions about Simon are immediately welcomed, believed, and adopted into the canon. Dissenting voices are “sent by Simon”, “haven’t read or understood the Fool’s arguments” or have been “manipulated.” The Fool does not acknowledge that it is possible for an intelligent, reasonable and objective adult to read his arguments and disagree with him.

14. Impose rigid rules and regulations.

Such as not answering asks that are not formatted to his liking, and he “can’t be bothered to read”.

16. Threaten harm to family and friends.

The Fool will publicly assert that he has never threatened anyone. However he has gone out of his way to connect Kristina to Simon, who is portrayed as “the enemy”. Several people, including this Jester, have been warned by friends to be careful of attracting the Fool’s and followers’ ire.

18. Instill dependency and obedience.

Readers expect the Fool to tell them which of Simon’s behaviors are problematic. Anyone who disagrees is likely to be accused of the same. (“If you think this isn’t racist, then you are also racist” etc.)

II. Information control:

1. Deception:

a. Deliberately withhold information.

Such as selective quoting, neglecting to withdraw statements that have been proven wrong, and not acknowledging any outside posts that don’t fit with the narrative.

b. Distort information to make it more acceptable.

Such as selective quoting, ignoring context and applying his own interpretation to things said by the “outsiders”.

c. Systematically lie to the cult members.

For example repeating that Kristina accused him of physically setting a fire on her drive.

2. Minimize or discourage access to non-cult sources of information, including:

a. Internet, TV, radio, books, articles, newspapers, magazines, other media.

Frequent repetition of how “unreadable” Simon’s books are, or how “long and ranting” his posts are can be seen as discouraging his followers from accessing them and forming their own opinion.

b. Critical information.

Any posts sharing positive experiences involving Simon are either ignored or discounted.

d. Keep members busy so they don’t have time to think and investigate.

Every time one of the Fool’s theories on Simon’s misdeeds is disproven, the Fool quickly moves on to a new accusation, keeping his followers from going back and reconsidering his previous posts.

4. Encourage spying on other members

b. Report deviant thoughts, feelings and actions to leadership.

The Fool often receives and publishes third party reports on Simon’s posts and behavior, inside and outside of tumblr. These are not fact-checked, but are welcomed and encouraged.

c. Ensure that individual behavior is monitored by group.

The Fool often receives and publishes third party reports on Simon’s posts and behavior, inside and outside of tumblr. These are not fact-checked, but are welcomed and encouraged.

5. Extensive use of cult-generated information and propaganda, including:

b. Misquoting statements or using them out of context from non-cult sources.

The Fool will often misquote Simon, and those misquotes will go on to be repeated with frequency by him and his followers.

III. Thought control:

1. Require members to internalize the group’s doctrine as truth.

a. Adopting the group's ‘map of reality’ as reality

If you don’t believe the Fool to be right, you are illogical, brainwashed or “reaching.” Frequent use of phrases such as “Obviously,” “We all know” etc reinforces this.

Everyone the Fool interacts with must acknowledge that what he is doing is critique, despite all evidence to the contrary.

b. Instill black and white thinking

Simon is “a bad person.” Everything he does must be seen and interpreted through this lense, which is reinforced frequently. The Fool often writes or publishes that Simon is “a bad person,” “a garbage person”, “an asshole” and similar descriptors.

c. Decide between good vs. evil

The Fool gets to determine what is good and what is evil. Simon is evil, and must be called out at every opportunity. The Fool and his followers are good, so any slurs, lies or offensive statements they make are excused and covered up.

d. Organize people into us vs. them (insiders vs. outsiders)

The Fool’s followers are intelligent, “have brains” and would never endanger anyone. The Fool trusts them to handle things appropriately. Simon’s followers are simple, impressionable, a mob. The Fool does not trust them to report their own experience, and their judgement is compromised by definition.

2. Change person’s name and identity.

The Fool calls Simon “Si”, “Krimon” and “Kristina”. Anonymous visitors to his ask box are encouraged to choose a “code name” to protect them from the evil Simon.

3. Use of loaded language and clichés which constrict knowledge, stop critical thoughts and reduce complexities into platitudinous buzz words.

Using loaded terms such as “misappropriation”, “grooming” to describe Simon’s actions and descriptions such as “critique” for his own writing help the Fool elicit the reaction he wants from his followers.

6. Memories are manipulated and false memories are created.

For example an influx of Anonymous asks that somehow suddenly realised years later that Simon behaved badly towards them, even if they didn’t think that way back then.

8. Rejection of rational analysis, critical thinking, constructive criticism.

The Fool has blocked people for disagreeing with him. He frequently shuts down polite questions and uses sarcasm to avoid answering. Despite not affording Simon the same luxury, the Fool expects his readers to “take his word about what he meant” with a post, even if the messenger is politely explaining how it came across.

9. Forbid critical questions about leader, doctrine, or policy allowed.

For example saying that he will “not publish any asks defending antisemitism. Even if that’s not what you think you are doing.” In effect, if you disagree with the Fool’s interpretation of Simon’s behavior as antisemitic, then you are defending antisemitism. No dissent allowed.

10. Labeling alternative belief systems as illegitimate, evil, or not useful.

No one possibly believes Simon is an actual monster, and if they do, they are unable of critical thought.

11. Instill new “map of reality”.

Commenting on someone’s art, mocking them, calling them names, is “literary critique”. Attempts to answer to accusations are “rants”. Asking someone if the possibility of legal consequences bothers them is “threatening” and “becoming irrationally angry”. And so on...

IV. Emotional control:

1. Manipulate and narrow the range of feelings – some emotions and/or needs are deemed as evil, wrong or selfish.

Simon’s feelings are not even real, according to the Fool. Simon could not possibly be affected by the Fool’s actions. He is not real and has no feelings. Instead, he is only capable of “ranting”, “manipulating” and “doing things for attention”. Any concerns brought to the Fool about how his actions are affecting Simon, are answered with “You need to remember he’s not a real person”.

3. Make the person feel that problems are always their own fault, never the leader’s or the group’s fault.

If Simon or his readers are upset, it’s their fault for looking at the blog. If anyone’s reputation is damaged as a result of claims the Fool makes about them, it’s on them. The Fool is free to make any comments he sees fit, with no consequences.

4. Promote feelings of guilt or unworthiness, such as

b. You are not living up to your potential

Being part of Simon’s group means you are allowing yourself to be manipulated and brainwashed. You can not reach your full potential unless you renounce Simon.

c. Your family is deficient

Your “found family” of gentle readers is deficient.

d. Your past is suspect

Your past experiences are not proof of anything. Bad things may have been happening in Simon’s space, and you may have been part of them.

e. Your affiliations are unwise

You are choosing to affiliate yourself with someone bad. And you are unable to tell he is lying to you.

f. Your thoughts, feelings, actions are irrelevant or selfish

If you share your thoughts, feelings or actions to defend Simon, it doesn’t prove anything, and by defending him you are harming others.

5. Instill fear, such as fear of:

b. The outside world

c. Enemies

The Fool makes sure to repeat often enough that readers might be targeted by Simon and his followers. He curates that expectation and then reinforces it by publishing Anons who agree.

8. Phobia indoctrination: inculcating irrational fears about leaving the group or questioning the leader’s authority.

Not so much fears of leaving the Fool’s group, as much as cultivating fears of leaving/going against Simon’s group. The Fool’s group is presented as a safe haven.

d. Never a legitimate reason to leave; those who leave are weak, undisciplined, unspiritual, worldly, brainwashed by family or counselor, or seduced by money, sex, or rock and roll.

Those who don’t embrace the Fool’s blog and choose to remain with Simon are weak-minded, brainwashed, unable to reason, or bad by association. There can be no legitimate reason to like Simon.

e. Threats of harm to ex-member and family.

No explicit threats are made, but seeing the treatment of Kristina Meister is implicitly threatening.

See? Of course all this is just an exercise -a thought experiment. But it’s about as well-argued as the Fool’s original analysis. (Which is to say, neither deserves to be taken seriously.)

#simon alkenmayer #simon alkenmayer is dead #feste the jester #cw cult #Feste BITEs back

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azenta · 4 years

Note

ur really good at articulating the sx experience lol..i wanted ur thots on the sx energy burning out. if an sx user sx-ed with a thing that no longer gave them that charge they would immediately drop it nd look for something else...but how does that apply to ppl nd relationships? granted sx-users have no intention of thinking about when the charge dies out (like sx-blinds)but when it does what do they do? drop them? or do they have a convo about why they want to leave nd proceed to do so? thanky

They can do either: drop or talk it out. Because that kind of issue is more related to healthiness and maturity than the sheer IVs themselves.

Unhealthy Response

When unhealthy and/or immature, they can drop you because the spark isn't intense "enough", according to their also unhealthy perspective, or dies out "too easily", or even because it's "too hard" to maintain and it feels easier to jump to one flame to another. They can also do the opposite and rather latch onto you because it was "too good" and so keep you for very selfish reasons, revealing in them a really possessive, jealous and manipulative little bitch that do everything to keep you around and try to spark things up to the point of burning and crashing to inevitable destruction (more likely Sx dom).

This is mainly because when unhealthy, the auxiliary tends to be either ignored as there is a distorted perception that the dominant is never satiated enough, and this leads to perceive the auxiliary as a waste of time (level 7 to 9 of health). Or the auxiliary is recognized as a tool, but used poorly at the cost of the auxiliary need itself (level 5 to 6~7).

For unhealthy Sx/sp, it leads them to see maintenance/preservation of relationships as either too harsh to do or pointless, leading to drop and abandon relationships willingly, or they view this maintenance as so !!!IMPORTANT!!! they refuse to let the flame dies out and goes overboard to maintain the given relationship to a point it intoxicates it and ends up killing it anyway. They destroy themselves in the process, ironically.

For unhealthy Sx/so, they see bonding, reciprocation and the feeling of belonging with the given person not as important either, leading to superficial empty relationships (same for Sx/sp denying sp) and abandoning or ignoring every relationship that doesn't provide this intensity. Or they jump within every single relationships relentlessly and ignites all of them without consideration to how the other feel in it, leading to consume and burn to ashes every single one of them even before anything could happen or destroying any foundation they had. They impose their Sx in every Soc relations, rather than use Soc to seek the ones that can give Sx.

For unhealthy So/sx, they'll tune out Sx as it will be seen as nuisible (complementarity, affinities, energy/intensity), so even if the spark was still there, they'll ignore or neglect it to not restrain their Soc, or they'll start doing something slightly similar to Sx/so and start igniting every relationships crossing their way, also leading to their inevitable destruction. The difference is So/sx use Sx "fire" as a way to light up their soc relationships, to make them "stronger/spicier", while Sx/so use Soc to provide more and more fuel to Sx (as a metaphor, soc becomes the woods to make the fire that is Sx bigger).

And for unhealthy Sp/sx, as above, they'll ignore it as it will be seen as a threat to Sp, or they'll start to ignite their relationships to "test" how tough they are, leading also to destruction because they'll make it burn until it cannot anymore, so until it is turns to ashes, "confirming" it wasn't that lasting (sp concern) anyway.

Healthy Response

Now, when healthy, they can still decide to drop it, because some relationships aren't worth pursuing if it actually lacks this much Sx quality to them, or talk it out, share their expectations and needs, and find compromise or ways to make it last healthily.

Healthy Sx/sp recognize Sp as its own set of needs, and therefore also incorporates the notion that they can maintain the level of intensity (energy) in their relationship without constantly pushing for intensity (transformation). They know there are boundaries and limits to be taken into account, and that demanding "more, more and more" actually leads to the loss and destruction of the relationship, because it breaks and over push those limits. Instead of transforming they just crash. They'll realize the reason why they never were satiated is because destruction without renewal doesnt lead to the transformation (mate/merge) Sx actually seeks, thus why they kept seeking for more.

Therefore, healthy Sx/sp will not drop relationships if they see the energy lowering, and might actually retreat from it more so to let time for both party to care for themselves and come back when they'll have enough resources to light up the fire again (/to merge, mate, get that enlightening moment, which demands lot of energy and synergy). Or another cute metaphor for it, they'll go seek woods in the forest, which requires a certain amount of it and so, also some time, in order to make a fire again. So, they'll go wander in their forest.

Healthy Sx/sp learned to recognize that a relationship is built with two individuals with different needs and aspirations, thus needing to do different things at different times, and so that it needs to be considered to keep the energy flowing. It demands energy to transform through one another, this is why they learn to respect Sp as a way to prepare for those times and moments to be able to "burn" bright (/vibe/flow/transform/"mate") with their people again. To take back the metaphor, they recognized some might be faster to gain wood, some in greater quantity, other in lesser quantity in less amount of time, due to a variety of reasons, ranging from "physical" limitations to different motivations (one wanting more wood, the other less) or even contextual ones (encountering wild animals, not finding wood, etc.). And some don't care about "wood" itself and have other methods (see Sp blinds). Therefore, they stop using Sp as a way to possess and leech people of their energy, as the resource itself, they rather place boundaries between them and their chosens instead of trapping their people within them.

They might also decide to cut out some people if they deem that the synergy is rather too destructive and so, doesn't lead to transformation but rather destruction, or that it just doesnt bring anything transformative. So it is too dull and doesnt bring anything out from each other, it is too stagnant and the energy barely moves and flows. There is absolutely nothing good about keeping a stagnant relationship. They will talk it out if they are worried about the synergy dying for good, and that's where they'll resort to Sp to help Sx gains some fuel and so are likely to retreat to do their activities, and to let you do yours, and "come back" after some times of resourcing.

Also, when they retreat, since they neglect Soc, they neglect to reciprocate and bond with people on a more lightly and regular basis, thus why they vanish for periods of time or are barely talkative or even deny any talking. But worry not, they just established boundaries they deem necessary to preserve synergy. Or if you are worried and are a soc user, directly ask them rather than make scenarios about it. Tho, when Sx/sp get healthier, they usually allow some place for basic Soc and can show some reciprocation and do some talking instead of becoming extreme shut in when in Sp mode. So, you have even more reasons to ask them some news.

Healthy Sx/so will rather learn that one person or people in general cannot always prodigue you with intensity even if they want to, thus why it matters to reach other people and create new connections. They'll learn that to enhance the intensity and make it last, bonding and reciprocating actually help and temper the flame to make it bearable all while still being intense and transforming. They'll also recognize that belonging into groups or networks help them achieve better transformation and "mating" (/merging) and that creating many connections doesn't lower the intensity they invest in some of them, but rather help balance them out. Again, with the forest metaphor, they'll turn themselves to many (groups or many unrelated people) instead of one individual at a time to gain the resources to enlight Sx faster. Or they'll light up many fire at a time to be sure to always have a flame somewhere burning. As a group or alliances, the solidarity (thx to soc) is what keeps feeding the fire more than the wood itself (Sp) for sx/so.

They'll also learn to distinguish actual transformation from destruction like healthy Sx/sp, and so will be more aware that to gain Sx they dont need "more" of it but rather need something that helps them feed it and renew it (bigger flame vs feeding and caring for the flame). So, they'll also stop using soc as an escape route the moment Sx lowers in one of their connection and use it as a way to care for Sx (running away and burning other's wood (boundaries) just to gain a flame then leaving when it dies) .

Contrary to Sx/sp, they won't retreat to let the "flame" rest but rather engage other people while the chosens are resting or doing their life, as illustrated in the metaphor above. They'll also take news and interact now and then anyways to see where the person's at and how the energy feels as of now, as a mean to give some fuel but without engaging full Sx if it still feels unstable (not enough wood /energy). Where they'll have more trouble is actually the maintenance (vs consistence for Sx/sp). Since they don't value Sp (even tho, i'll argue the healthier they are, the more they recognize value to Sp), they can tend to disappear similarly to Sx/sp and then burst out of nowhere and chitchat like you never did before to then get lost in many other connections for a while. They'll be much more volatile if Sx is not that much present to a point of feeling distant or disappearing out of the blue for unknown period of times. On that Sx/sp can be more stable when they actually come back to you, but both Sx/so and Sx/sp can become wandering ghosts since lacking in either Soc or Sp makes them unreliable with the consistency and maintenance aspect of relationships. Metaphor again; Sx/sp will wander in the forest for the longest and be willing to discuss only until they can light up the fire, while Sx/so will run around from fire to fire to take part of those fire and bring it back to you, until there is enough fuel (usually "wood" aka energy) to light it up more intensely. They'll be more often present (frequency) through in and out than Sx/sp, but also stay for shorter periods (duration), while Sx/sp stay longer but come more rarely.

So, like healthy Sx/sp, they might try to talk it out if they get worried, but will wander in other connections or choose Soc methods such as casual bonding with you if they perceive the flame is either dying or becoming too destructive, as a mean to temper the flame. They can end up cutting people out for the same reasons as healthy Sx/sp if they judge it lacks any transformative component or it is too destructive.

Healthy So/sx will learn to recognize the value of Sx as its own needs, and that having many connections can be great, but can also be awful if there is no synergy and transformative component into their relationships. They'll learn that fewer but stronger connections is better than many shallow ones, and that it doesn't restrain them from pursuing new connections but rather help them weed out the "unworthy" ones. Metaphor time: they'll recognize that having a goal (creating a fire) helps bringing more solid solidarity and create the sense of belonging. Fire reunites and make people work for the greater good.

Again, healthy So/sx will also discern destruction from actual transformation and will thus not ignite relationships that are naturally devoided of them because of their nature (ex. professional networking, it could help but it is unecessary). They'll recognize the need to choose them more carefully and be able to strengthen their connections more properly. Again, metaphor, instead of burning each pile of woods just because they believe it is what everyone need, they'll seek people that actually are ready (enough wood) and want to ignite a fire (that have the actual goal to create a fire, instead of building a house with it like some would prefer).

Therefore, when healthy, So/sx are not likely to drop an Sx connection. However, they will not prioritize them over the Soc aspect of it, so if you are exclusively an Sx connection, you might be put aside more often. However, it doesn't mean it's because they don't appreciate you nor doesn't care, but rather that 1. They prioritize other ways of connecting that respond to another need than Sx, and it's absent with you. 2. Sx is on and off and demand a highly specific synergy/synchronicity to gain energy as much as it spends it, thus why they will also go on and off with you (small fire that barely warm you up vs moderate fire that warm you up). And like Sx dom, they can also decide to cut off the connection if the synergy is toxic or too absent, especially if it becomes nuisible to their Soc need as well. Since they're healthy, usually it means they'll communicate it and won't let you guess the relationship is dead, if it was an important relationship for both of you. So/sx can also communicate their worry about the "flame" dying, but contrary to Sx dom, it's a first "alarm" signal to tell the Soc established is about to be jeopardized as well. Since for Sx dom, if the flame dies (doesnt light up anymore despite "the wood" or the support), then the connection is dead to them for sure, while for So/sx, if Soc is still well established, Sx can be dead for a while it won't matter as much, even tho it has importance (as it maintains stronger "alliances" /and friendships).

Finally, So/sx will also have trouble to maintain and preserve their interactions like Sx/so, so they can be more likely to change circle often or prioritize newer connections over their established one. Since they are Soc dom, it's even more typical of them to be social butterflies and loosing touch with the already established, long to date relationships (they value groups, alliance or friendships that have already fire to offer, and not the wood itself). Sx aux usually is the one helping to maintain or make them last longer, until they are mature enough to let Sp be a small part of their priority too. The fire gives a reason to have wood (Sp) to cater for.

Healthy Sp/sx will come to understand Sx actually helps them better preserve themselves, because Sp alone becomes pretty stagnant, and stagnation usually means things (yourself and your life) go no where. And this doesn't help to preserve in the long run. It's like rotting from the inside. They learn that they need some flow of energy too, and therefore allow for Sx connections. Metaphor: Having a small built up place is sure great but with no fire to keep you warm, it leads to cold which can ironically lead you to be unable to cater for more woods. Cold means your body won't be optimal and suffer in its capacity to actually preserve itself. Your body need warmth. So fire helps maintaining you and actually help you produce more.

Again, they also learn to distinguish pure destruction from transformation. They'll distinguish igniting something/someone and burning it until it can no longer do because it is turned to ashes (so, destroyed and ruined) versus lighting something/someone while considering its capacity to better maintain it and still gain an interesting intensity from it. Simply put, learning to take care of a relationship (or hobby) all while knowing how to spark it and keep the spark. Again with the metaphor; they'll understand that lighting every single resources they see just to get some temporary warmth to continue their things is not as Sp neither as Sx as taking the time to dedicate a set up for a fire or an actual place (like a small cabin or housing) that can contain it and make its warmth bigger and last longer.

Therefore, healhty Sp/sx are less likely to drop relationships when the spark dies, even less likely than Sx doms. They can do without for a while like So/sx, but they also recognize that it is important, so they'll do their possible to spark it up. They'll give it up if they see it is destructive or if it stagnates (which is another form of destruction) and doesn't serve anyone in the relationship as this also jeopardizes Sp.

However, healthy Sp/sx are still the least likely to drop for good a relationship because of Sp dominance, all while being the least likely to actually reach out and form one. Since they are soc blind, they dont see the point to reach for the sake of it. Metaphor: they don't see the point of living in a village when they can make up their own house in the wood directly, near water and all the shit you need, especially since they know how to do all that stuff themselves. They come to understand the importance of getting things or even some few people that ignite fire as it makes things easier, but still, they don't see the point of more when few do the job very well. This is why losing those few relationships is hard on them and why they dont see the point of reaching for more either. In fact, they'll often let their few relationships do the soc job for them, and so go into those villages and bring the necessary when needed. They sometimes do it themselves, but not for long since they don't care about it, until they are healthy enough to recognize it actually makes things even more easier for their Sp and Sx concerns.

Also, a little note for Sx blinds; reminder they also have Sx, because blind spot =/= not having the said instinct, and so they will have those "transforming/enlightening/flowing mergy" moments too, they just don't seek them nor deem them as important as soc and sp. In other words, with my sweet, sweet Ni metaphor; they value more building a house, even villages with woods and other resources, with the aid of communal (reciprocation, belonging, etc.) effort, than catering for fire itself.

That's it. Sx blinds are not empty shell devoided of energy and fuel, they are FULL of it, they just dont see the point in pursuing it for its own sake (METAPHOR: the fire comes naturally from the effort of the number and the establishment of houses and villages = fire itself is not as important, and it is required in less intensity to do the job, even if it still helps out).

I'm pretty sure i answered beyond what you asked, but i hope you managed to find your answer in all that text lmao

#ask #sorry for colorblinds. trying to make it easier to spot since i write a fuckton lmao #also if anyone want the metaphor applied to sx blinds id gladly do it -w-#thx for the compliment btw

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