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pochapal · 4 years

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rank every year of the 2010s from best to worst i want some pochapal lore

[warning for discussion of my fucked up mental health and my myriad traumas. we’re really opening the pandora’s box here gang]

ok time for me to overshare on the internet again! super long post because i can’t shut up and you asked for it. anyway, by objective ranking:

#1: 2012 - halcyon era, my personal peak. spent the whole year writing hunger games oc fics with my deviantart fanfiction besties whom i still think about all the time and always hope are having the best possible day. if you were here for this era understand i still hold you so closely and dearly in my heart <3.

#2: 2013 - god i was such a good example of a human being back then. was the year my writing like actually took off and i had a healthy balance between creative stuff and a social life (said social life consisting of spending lunchtimes at school breaking into classrooms and discussing fandom shit with five other people. reading homestuck updates in the music room on one person’s really shaky mobile data...legendary). highlight of the year and maybe my life was in the april of 2013 when i got out of failing to submit a hard deadline essay by telling my english teacher i wrote a whole novel over the two week break and then producing said novel. god i wish i had that level of like. fucking confidence back me back then knew what i wanted and how to get it.

#3: 2010 - the last year of childhood. i was 12 and played pokemon all the time with my friends and went places and had a moderately successful youtube channel and it didn’t matter that i was bullied so badly at school because i was basically high off life. summer of 2010 was so good specifically. i’d used to get the bus with a friend and go see movies and break into historical sites and get into normal childhood mayhem and maxed out my pokewalkers twice a month and i was buzzed because i had two (2) whole friendship groups to choose from and that was such a huge deal to me the terminal social outcast. it was so simple and carefree and even though everything and everyone involved in this era grew up to suck except for one specific person i kinda really miss it.

#4: 2018 - this was the first year i wasn’t depressed to the point of nonfunctioning. it was 20gayteen, i was on antidepressants, i was as close to thriving as i got at uni (going into town with people once a week, attending art and culture events, getting good grades across the board), i started to write for fun again, i got my cat whom i love dearly, i was exhibited in my uni’s city’s literature festival, GOD i actually nearly attended a pride event that year can you imagine. this year was basically my life’s second peak. miss getting the 8am train and daintily sipping on a cherry coke to keep me from passing out. wish this time could have lasted longer.

#5: 2019 - kinda absolute middle of the road year not for lack of anything happening but because the overwhelming amount of good and bad things cancelled each other out. so like there’s the fact that i was at the top of my uni game this year, was basically making the first steps into a professional writing career (covid i will never forgive you for killing all that dead </3), finally saved up enough to buy myself a gaming pc, and the summer after the homestuck epilogues, but equally 2019 was the start of the Pochapal Gender Fiasco which is by far the most horrible thing i am still currently undergoing and i burnt myself out mentally about halfway through the year (being stuck overnight in a hospital for a panic attack absolutely horrible horrible irredeemable) and then got like super death plague flu that i was sick with for three months (literally recovered less than a month before rona hit. god’s cruel karma.). so like...it kind of averaged out? the good shit was good but not as great as other years and the bad shit was awful but nowhere near as terrible as it could have been. gotta give a shoutout to 90% of my current mutual cohort for following me in 2019...omelette route gang make some noise !!

#6: 2014 - oof. this year essentially marked the start of a four year long downward mental health spiral because everything fell into awful alignment. i’d just turned 16, finished secondary school, had all my friends up and ditch me at once, was home alone for a whole summer, and was hit with Sudden Intense Body Image Issues that i couldn’t explain until uh. after very recent developments lmao. this one goes out to the me of july 2014 who did nothing but lay in bed and listen to the same two marina albums on a loop because fuck i’m attracted to men and also my facial and body hair are really starting to come in and if i think about this for too long i will literally kill myself because oh god i can’t handle getting older which is clearly and definitely the issue going on here. my brain fucking broke super hardcore and it’s a miracle that an overeating disorder was like the worst thing i walked away with.

#7: 2015 - downward spiral year two!! i was so volatile this year it was such a mess. i was totally socially isolated after a brief stint of falling in with a group of people at the start of my first year of sixth form until january where in quick succession a) it turned out every single one of these people was friends with the person who sexually assaulted me whom i obviously had a lot of complicated feelings towards and b) baby’s first crush came out as bisexual but in the “women and also trans women” kind of way which tore me up so terribly in ways i couldn’t begin to understand. no words for the experience of seeing a girl kiss a boy and crying so hard at night you threw up because you could never be her no matter how much you wanted it. actually kinda get the sense what was going on there was bigger than just some crush lmao. then after that i was so mentally ill i basically attended school less than half the time and it was the only year in my life i failed my exams. i ended up having to resit my entire set of first year a level exams because jesus christ was i in such a bad way it was a miracle i even showed up to them. all i did was either have anxiety attacks or enter bedbound depressive slumps for weeks at a time. but it’s okay because it gets worse.

#8: 2016 - downward spiral act iii: the spiralling. prefacing this by saying that i actually had two whole good months (april - may) in that i was functioning enough to do my exams and finish school with decent grades. the rest was super extra mega terrible. my school attendance for year 13 dipped below 65% and literally the only thing that kept me from being kicked out was the fact that i was naturally smart at the subjects i took and also because the school would have a lot to answer for after letting me get to that state despite having a hefty file on how damaged i was. keep in mind every single part of this was fully untreated btw - i was just floundering around and letting it all fester. i spent three solid weeks going to school but locking myself in the bathroom all day every day and having mental health episodes then going home like nothing else happened only to continue the breakdown that night. then things got kicked into fucked up overdrive when i moved out to uni and was cut off from what little support structures i did have. it was so bad all i did was cry all the time and never went anywhere to the point where three separate sources recommended me to the wellbeing and crisis counselling service that i stopped going to after two sessions because i was fucked up in ways cbt techniques could not even touch. at least i tried to make an effort for the first two months of uni which like. good for me?

#9: 2017 - what lieth at the base of the spiral. helltrench year. i was at literal rock bottom. i stopped going to class, i didn’t hand in a single piece of work. i lied to my parents and would book trains each day only to go back to my student flat and sit there and contemplate suicide. like i would just slump on the floor in a catatonic state and vividly contemplate one of four or so ways i could end my own life. i only didn’t because i wanted to wait until the summer to collect my last student loan and transfer it to my parents as an apology for my death which obviously didn’t end up happening. honestly i can’t remember much of the first half of 2017 that’s how bad it was. i remember taking a gender studies class and the teacher made it Weird that i was the Only Male Student in the room and then she sent me a scolding email after i walked out halfway through a class and never returned. apparently i got into a lot of online discourse in this year but i don’t remember anything other than being put on a blocklist by the milkfic author over ace discourse which is funny if you have the context. mostly i just baited terfs and weirdo freaks to get them to say horrible things to me as what i guess amounts to some kind of digital self harm. anyway breaking point came in late august when i got kicked out of university and then nobody could ignore it any more so there was no choice left but for me to seek out help and recover enough to function which luckily i did. i really Do Not remember 2017. you could tell me anything about that year and i’d probably believe you.

#10: 2011 - extra circle of hell for this little fucked up gem of a year. on the surface it wasn’t actually that terrible, until the Summer 2011 Domino Effect Of Bad Shit. up until like may/june it was a pretty all right year! i was 13 and had a surprisingly successful youtube channel uploading pokemon soundfont remixes to an audience of i think ~350-400 subscribers at my peak? anyway then i got hit with the early summer triple combo of childhood friends moving away, cute and quirky sexual assault at the hands of a person in my friend group, and then having some Really Great and Super Appropriate interactions with adults on deviantart. like obviously there’s the actual ptsd-inducing event which totally disrupted and killed the person i was right up until that moment and reshaped every facet of my life for better or worse (there’s an alternate timeline where that didn’t happen and i got into electronic music and/or coding instead) but really it’s the events that followed in its wake which were kind of more fucked up. so like all of a sudden i was super aware of my body and me growing my hair out and being mistaken for a girl in class suddenly became this Less Innocent thing and i ended up spending hours overnight going to transgender questioning forums and looking up hrt timeline videos and having the wikipedia article on tracheal shaving saved because it was a life raft to me whose voice was imminently gonna deepen and i was simultaneously reeling with constant trauma flashbacks and the whole thing was so so fucked up. then i was on deviantart and i don’t remember exactly how but a small group of furry guys ten to fifteen years older than me started messaging me and encouraging and requesting me to produce nonsexual fetish stuff for them and talking to me about stuff like if i’d ever thought about growing up to be gay and i didn’t think anything of it for a long while because they called me a very talented writer and it felt so good to have someone be nice to me after being so alone and isolated for months on end. anyway the only reason i got out of that before it got bad was because they invited me to one of the big furry sites and i was weirded out because i thought it was a porn site and thinking about sexual stuff was a huge trauma trigger so i just ended up blocking them all and pretending like it didn’t happen. at the time half this shit didn’t bother me but in retrospect holy fuck 2011 was such a damaging year. to think if like three events didn’t happen i wouldn’t be the fucked up mess you see before you today.

god fuck this turned out super long but i’m not apologising because this was a therapeutic exercise for me and also constitutes as one of the biggest pochapal lore dumps of all time. come get your food or whatever.

#Anonymous #long post #read all of this if you have vested interest in knowing intimate details about my life or whatever

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pjstafford · 4 years

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A Look at my 2020

The end of the year is upon us. It’s been a tough one for all of us. It is a year we will all remember forever. I want to do a positive reflection of this year. I will probably write a blog about what I hope our country’s New Years Resolutions should be. The thoughts on that have been rolling around my head for a few days. But today, December 16, at 4:30 a.m. and unable to sleep, that 2020 familiar dread of what will happen today waking me early, I want to look at some positives. I want to unwrap the positives of 2020 like a Christmas gift before Christmas so that I can wrap myself in them as a blanket of warmth. One thing that I have been truly impressed with is the resilience of the human spirit. Let’s call this a resilience exercise.

Counting my blessings one by one...

1. I am alive. Surviving is a cause for celebration. As far as I know I have been COVID free...although there were a few days in April or early May when I was sick with something and in Feb I had the strangest cold in my life and this time last year weeks of fatigue ended in frozen shoulder syndrome on Christmas Eve. See, I want to be thankful, but I don’t want to be naive in my retrospection. Best to be honest. I’m not sure if I had COVID or not, but if I did I survived with relatively minor symptoms. Every cough or sniffle I feared in a completely irrational way was COVID. There was the week I walked around sniffing everything to make sure I could still smell. It dawns on me it is going to be difficult to write a honest and, yet, positive, retrospective of 2020. I am alive, but I have never been less healthy. I’ve gained weight. I haven’t had the physical exercise to which I am accustomed and now when I try to take a long walk I realize my stamina is gone. It will take years of concentrated effort once things are “back to normal” for me to become normal again. It wasn’t that I didn’t try. I did yoga daily in the Spring and switched to an online Tai chi class in the summer, but I don’t live near beauty or anything interesting so wasn’t motivated to walk and just my everyday life of lockdown in a studio apartment meant less movement. All of which sounds even to me like not very good justification. Did I mention though that I survived. I am alive. I will take that as blessing number one.

2. No one I care about very deeply has died or even been seriously ill from COVID. Doesn’t March 2020 seem far away? I don’t want to be dismissive of 300;000 dead especially with more to come. I or someone I love could still be gone by New Years Day. But in March and April we held our breaths for an apocalypse and at some point most of us decided to take a breath. I don’t know really if it’s good or bad that we have simply adjusted our normal and the number deaths we are willing to accept. It’s bad, what am I saying? It’s bad. But how long can we wait in fear? So I don’t know, but I want to count as a blessing that those I love have all survived to date. I cannot vanquish the fear, but I can be grateful for survival.

3. I have maintained employment in a bad economy and have mostly been able to work from home. There have been some struggles. Sometimes the work I do is depressing. Sometimes I feel I don’t make a difference. There has never been a worse time to be an advocate...or a person with disability, or a caregiver, or a provider agency, or a health care professional. I have maintained employment.

4. I count among my blessings the fact that I had a wonderful 2020 before....remember there was a 2020 before. I love when my work takes me to Santa Fe for a prolonged time. A friend came out in Feb for a wonderful weekend. Another friend came to Albuquerque to see me for my birthday in early March. I remember thinking how social I was in those first ten weeks in 2020. It’s as if I somehow knew....it sustained me.

5. I count among my blessings that when I felt my mental health despair getting at its worse...the strain of living alone in a studio apartment, working from that same apartment and following the Governor orders not to go or do anything. ..that I had friends and two weekends of “risky” behavior; a friend who came for the Fourth of July holiday and an out of state trip to Durango in late September. I’m fortunate that when I had to have human contact my closest friends were there for me

6. I count as my blessings that Biden won the election. It’s not simply a matter of politics. I’m not sure if the last eight months of the Trump Presidency wasn’t worse for my morale than the pandemic because Trump kind of lost whatever semblance of sanity he had. Part of the trepeditation over what each new day will bring is what Trump will say, do, tweet, exacerbate. I still fear revolution in the street before Jan 20. The pandemic is not the worse of what America has gone through. That’s the oddest thing about this year.

7. Here is the blessing which probably will be unpopular. The lockdown and stress of all we have experienced is tough, but the slowdown is a blessing for me. My life had gotten pretty busy. While I miss travel, it’s ok for a year not to have had the time suck that travel for work entails. I will be so happy the first work trip I get to go on, but I feel like 2020 has given me the gift of time. It’s odd because, like many, my creative sense has suffered. I have written almost nothing. Still, I often think of a Dylan lyric, maybe in the next life I will be able to hear myself think. I could hear myself think this year. Unfortunately I thought about the existentialist angst of the meaning of life and my failures as a human being and I don’t think there is enough time still to process the effects of the pandemic and I’m sick to death of the sound of my thoughts, but....I have been given this unique gift of time. Even on December 16th I am not rushed to shop, to cook, to decorate, to go to a zillion parties. It’s a different year. The Holiday will still come. It is pleasant not to feel urgency over, let’s face it, non-urgent things. I am mentally and emotionally fatigued, but not nearly as physically exhausted as I was this time last year

8. The next one is a big one. The gift of living in the moment. I have spent my entire life since 7th grade when Miss O’Neil gave me a copy of The Rubyait of Omar Khayyam trying to live with the philosophy of living for the now. Clear the cups of past regrets...tomorrow, why I may be myself with yesterday’s seven thousand years. The only time I have ever truly experience this is in a handful of concert experience. Even now, I fear for my future and I blame myself for my mistakes. Still, my relationship with time has changed. There is the sun rising and setting and that is a day. Seasons will change. But the gift of time means I can approach my day differently. When five o clock comes on a workday, a needed nap is a step away. No where to go on a Friday night... no where I can go...means the weekend rhythm exists only as I define it. The simple pleasures we always take for granted mean something more now. There is a coffee truck that stops near me on Fridays and Saturdays. When it first started stopping I was over the moon that I could walk and get a latte with fairly little risk. If I go to the grocery store and have a conversation with a stranger, it is different than it was before. Mindfulness exercise and meditation is one thing, but nothing can compare with this year to further my lessons in this pursuit. May I take the lesson with me into years to come.

9. Zoom...yes, of course I have zoom fatigue. But five friends in five different states having a monthly drink together on zoom is a benefit of the pandemic. I watched a movie this year with someone who lives in Brazil. I celebrated a friend’s sixtieth person even though I couldn’t be with her. I’ve attended book discussions and readings in New York and I already have tickets to an event in March. Kind of love New York. I’ve never been there in person. Just a lot happens there. Educationally and socially the world is now open to me. I am not limited to what is going on in my community. I hope this doesn’t completely go away.

10. Finally, storytelling and music. I found it hard to read new things in the lockdown for a while, but in March friends asked me to a virtual book club of three books I already read and we reread them together which took us into the summer. I rediscovered the Foundation series of Asimov and suddenly I could read again! My favorite book I’ve read published in 2020 is Jess Walter’s The Cold Million. I did read a digital advance copy of David Duchovny’snew book due out in 2021 and it is, in fact, the breakout novel I knew this hot young writer would eventually write. Looking forward to 2021 book club! I finally binged Breaking Bad and The Travelers as well as The Queens gambit and watched Peanut Butter Falcon. I am doing a disability focused watch on the X Files and I better kick it it the rear because I’m presenting on it in Feb. at a conference. My God, Dylan put out his first original music in eight years. It will take me eight years to fully ingest it and enjoy it. You see, no matter what happens, humanity will tell its stories and gather to make its songs. It’s that human resilience. Creation of art is not trivial. It’s vital. It has continued in this odd and strange year. It is humanity’s greatest gift and I have definitely used it this year as a resilience and growth tool.

Those are my top blessings in this horrific and, yet, wondrous year. However, you have been impacted, what we all share in common is that In a very short time it will be a memory of a year in the past.

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psychodollyuniverse · 4 years

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The Long Blondes

The Long Blondes were a five-piece English indie rock band formed in Sheffield, United Kingdom in 2003 by Dorian Cox (lead guitar and keyboards), Reenie Hollis (real name Kathryn Hollis) (bass guitar and backing vocals), Emma Chaplin (rhythm guitar, keyboards and backing vocals), Kate Jackson (lead vocals) and Screech Louder (real name Mark Turvey, drums).

After several critically acclaimed singles, they released their debut album, Someone to Drive You Home, on Rough Trade Records in November 2006. Their second album, Couples, was produced by Erol Alkan and released in April 2008. On 20 October 2008, due to the unexpected illness of their primary songwriter and lead guitarist, Dorian Cox, the band announced their amicable split via a message on their website, the same day their singles compilation, "Singles" was released.

The band was formed in 2003 in Sheffield, United Kingdom. All the members were attending, or had attended university in the city.The following quote appeared on their website and served as an introduction to the Long Blondes; "Our shared influences include The Mael Brothers, Marx Brothers and The Bewlay Brothers. We do not listen to The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Jimi Hendrix, The Doors or Bob Dylan. We chose an instrument each and learnt to play it.".The band have stated that the original inspiration for The Long Blondes was to form a fantasy pop group: "Nico, Nancy Sinatra, Diana Dors and Barbara Windsor. Sexy and literate, flippant and heartbreaking all at once." Singer Kate Jackson was inspired by bands with front women like Siouxsie and the Banshees and Blondie.

In July 2004, The Long Blondes released their debut single "New Idols" on the local Thee Sheffield Phonographic Corporation label. This was followed by singles "Autonomy Boy" and "Giddy Stratospheres", on Angular. In 2005, they released further singles, "Appropriation (By Any Other Name)" and "Separated By Motorways", the latter being produced by Paul Epworth and released on his own Good & Evil label. These releases were met with a positive critical reaction and growing media attention

Still unsigned, in February 2006 the band were recipients of the NME Philip Hall Radar Award, which in previous years was won by Franz Ferdinand and Kaiser Chiefs. Further adding to their reputation, the band were named by The Guardian and Vogue as "the best unsigned band in the UK". As they were unsigned, during the early success of the band, members remained working in various day jobs; Jackson sold vintage clothing on eBay, Cox was working in the University of Sheffield Department of Law, Hollis in the Media Studies department of a nearby college, Chaplin in a Leeds art library and Louder in the Home Office.

On 13 April 2006 they signed to Rough Trade Recordsand began recording their debut album over the summer with Steve Mackey, the bassist with Pulp. The album was preceded by the singles "Weekend Without Makeup" in July and "Once and Never Again", which was released on 23 October and debuted at number 30 in the UK Singles Chart.The song was named the 15th best track of 2006 by NME. Someone to Drive You Home was released in November 2006. The music was written by the band collectively while the majority of the lyrics were written by Cox with Jackson completing the lyrics for "Separated by Motorways" and "Madame Ray". Critical reception was generally positive with the NME calling it "fantasy pop, performed to perfection" in a 9/10 review.Reviews picked up on the predominant themes of the album; outsider status, popular culture references from the 1950s and 60s and relationships from a female perspective. Other reviews indicated the numerous inspirations for the work. For example, a four-star review in The Guardian said that "if talent borrows but genius steals ... the Long Blondes should be taking their Mensa tests", comparing the album's style to Franz Ferdinand and 80s indie-pop band The Flatmates.Some noted the impact of Jackson's voice; Colin Roberts of Drowned In Sound said "her delivery is like a public address call across a Sunday marketplace” while The Guardian said it was "marvellously belting, if unsubtle".A 3-star review in Uncut magazine recognised the ambition of the band's sound, advising that they should acquire "a ruthless pop producer, one who can coax them out of their indie-pop dowdiness – like Blondie needed Mike Chapman, like ABC needed Horn.They appeared at a number of UK festivals over the summer of 2006, including the Carling Weekend. In 2007, they played on the Other Stage at the Glastonbury Festival.

After an extended European tour, in October 2007 The Long Blondes began work on their second album with producer Erol Alkan, who had previously produced their more dance orientated b-sides such as "Five Ways To End It" and "Fulwood Babylon". On 19 December 2007, it was announced that the new album's title would be "Couples". The title alludes to the David Bowie album "Heroes" and also to a loose theme of the album as a "big breakup album". Before the album was released, all five members created their own cryptic promo videos explaining the inspiration behind "Couples".The band stated that the album drew influences from Italo disco revival acts such as Glass Candy and the Italians Do It Better label.and ABBA. Cox stated that "...there's something really innocent about Abba videos... really kinda funny, futuristic but old fashioned at the same time and that's how we see our music on this album.".

"Couples" was released on 7 April 2008, preceded by a single, "Century", released on 24 March 2008. The album reached number 48 in the UK album chart. The album was generally well received by critics. Click Music gave the album a 4.5 out of 5 and said it was "a worthy contender for record of the year".[24] The Guardian gave the album another 4-star review, noting the album's shift in style – saying that some tracks shared "more with the cinematic perfection of Kylie Minogue's "Confide in Me" than the kitchen sink dramas of Pulp". A mixed 6/10 review in NME said the album was "not terrible, but disappointing" and "whereas once they sang of suburban boredom tempered with the thrill of escape, now they’ve started to sound like they’d be happy to stay put".After "Century", the next song to be taken off the album was "Guilt", which was released on 7" and digital download.

On 9 June 2008, the band posted on their official website that Cox had fallen ill and that he had to be rushed to hospital, which meant that they had to cancel all their live appearances until the end of July.The band were due to play a support slot on Duran Duran's Red Carpet Massacre tour at the Birmingham NIA and the O2 Arena in London and on the John Peel stage at Glastonbury.

After "Couples", the band decided to release a compilation of their rare early 7" singles, which was titled "Singles" on 20 October 2008 on Angular Records.The twelve track album collected all of the songs from the band's first singles. The version of "Separated By Motorways" differs from the single version produced by Paul Epworth, instead the group opted to include the demo version instead. The compilation also featured one previously unreleased song – "Peterborough". "Singles" was named the 25th best album of 2008 by Artrocker magazine

On 20 October 2008, Guitarist Dorian Cox posted a message on their official website that the band had split up. The main motivation for the break-up was Cox's stroke in June 2008, which resulted in a swath of cancelled gigs.Cox thanked fans for their support and goodwill. "We have decided to call it a day," he wrote. "The main reason for this is that I suffered from a stroke in June and unfortunately I do not know when/if I will be well enough to play the guitar again. On behalf of the band I'd like to say a big thank you to anyone who ever came to one of our shows, bought one of our records or danced to one of our songs in a club." The announcement was made the same day their compilation "Singles" was released, with the inside of the rear album art also containing news of the break-up. Upon their split, The Guardian wrote an article entitled "Why music will miss the Long Blondes".

It was reported on 1 December 2008 that Cox was undergoing physiotherapy for his paralysis and is still hoping to get back to playing guitar.

Jackson has been working on her debut solo album with producer and ex-Suede guitarist Bernard Butler. She will be working under the name Madame Ray (after the song on Someone To Drive You Home). Jackson has said that the sound of the album first tended towards country rock but has now become a "big pop record". She released the album 'British Road Movies' in early 2016.

Dorian Cox's new band is called Unmade Bed and have made a number of songs available on-line.

Hollis continues to play in The Bon Bon Club, a band she formed with Louder.Their debut single features three cover versions—"Lullaby" by The Cure, "Love Is Blind" by Pulp and "Romantic Rights" by Death From Above 1979. It was released through Thee Sheffield Phonographic Corporation on 23 June 2008. The 7" single was limited to 500 copies.

Hollis also plays with Nature Set and their first single 7" has been published by Elefant Records in 2011.

The Long Blondes' songs reflect a number of influences, including 60s pop, Buzzcocks, The Fall, The Ramones, Suede,post-punk and new wave. Jackson's vocals have been compared to Ari Up of The Slits, Deborah Harry of Blondie and Lesley Woods of Au Pairs[citation needed]. Dorian Cox's backing vocals are also similar to those of former Pulp frontman Jarvis Cocker. The music features angular guitars and prominent bass guitar lines. However, the band themselves claim somewhat more eclectic influences than their sound suggests, citing Burt Bacharach, Holland-Dozier-Holland, Chinn and Chapman, and Stock, Aitken and Waterman as influences. The band named some of their actual influences and favourite bands. Chaplin's were The Smiths, Sweet and The Jesus and Mary Chain. Hollis's were Belle and Sebastian, ELO and The Eagles. Cox's were ABBA and The Fall. Louder's were Scott Walker, The Slits and Captain Beaky. Jackson's were The Smiths, The Fall and Nancy Sinatra and Lee Hazlewood. Screech Louder cited Siouxsie and the Banshees, a group they were likened by the critics.Louder said about them: "[Siouxsie and the Banshees] made much more interesting records than any of the instant hits could manage, and they didn’t run out of ideas after the first few singles. Like Pulp, they’re testament to the power of waiting".

The Long Blondes are known for referencing films, singers, starlets and artists in their music. Screech Louder said that Alfred Hitchcock was a big inspiration when it came to referencing films in their music, he said "the whole film noir thing is very important because it's stylish but there's depth to it as well".

Lyrics

"Appropriation (By Any Other Name)" is a homage to Hitchcock's 1958 film Vertigo. It has been said[by whom?] that the song is told from Judy's perspective, due to lines such as "When I met you, I never wore dresses like that" & "You can't have me, make me act the same". Lead singer Kate Jackson painted two different portraits for the CD single and 7" Vinyl, they both depicted Kim Novak's characters Madeleine Elster and Judy Barton.[41]

"Darts" mentions British darts player Bobby George and darts commentator Sid Waddell.

"Erin O'Connor" is a homage to Erin O'Connor which also mentions fellow model, Lily Cole. It begins with a line by Ronnie Corbett and David Swift from the BBC play No Sex Please, We're British.

"Five Ways To End It" mentions Carry On star Hattie Jacques and also the producer of the Carry On films, Peter Rogers.

"I Liked The Boys" ends with "Not the most original sentiment I've ever heard, so what's new" which is a line from a radio show by Terry Wogan.[22] Whilst recording the second album, they found an old reel-to-reel radio recording and decided to use parts in some of their songs

"I'm Going To Hell" ends with a line by Peter Sellers.

"Long Blonde" mentions punk band Ramones, one of their influences.

"Lust in the Movies" mentions underground actresses such as 60's socialite and muse, Edie Sedgwick, American actress Arlene Dahl & French actress Anna Karina. Also the repeated line "Nag nag nag" is a reference to the same repeated lyric in the song "Nag Nag Nag" by Sheffield band Cabaret Voltaire.

"Madame Ray" is inspired by Lee Miller, the photographer and muse of avent-garde artist Man Ray.

"Melville Farr" is based on Dirk Bogarde's character in the 1961 British film Victim.

"Never To Be Repeated" references film-star Greta Garbo.

"Only Lovers Left Alive" takes its title from the 1964 science fiction novel by Dave Wallis, and includes the title of 1950s film From Here To Eternity as a lyric.

"Round The Hairpin" begins with a line by British comedian Kenny Everett.

"Swallow Tattoo" has a lyric ("you fill me with inertia") which is a reference to the parody pop band fronted by Peter Cook in Bedazzled.

"You Could Have Both" namechecks American singer Scott Walker. The song also alludes to the Morrissey song "My Love Life".The song also mentions the character of C.C. 'Bud' Baxter from The Apartment

Artwork

Before "Couples" was released, all five members created their own cryptic promo videos "explaining" what the inspiration behind "Couples" was. Jackson explained who inspired the album cover, she found artist Richard Hamilton, videos by ABBA, Lee Miller and Le Corbusier to be the main inspiration.

The two front covers of "Weekend Without Makeup" are paintings of Diana Dors.

The front cover of their debut album Someone To Drive You Home is a painting by Kate Jackson of Faye Dunaway in the film Bonnie and Clyde, with a Mark 3 Ford Cortina as her getaway car.The artwork inside the album sleeve is a painting of Nicolas Cage & Laura Dern in the film Wild At Heart.

The front cover of "New Idols" is a painting of Diana Dors in Yield to the Night.

from their Wikipedia page

Why music will miss the Long Blondes from The Guradian Uk October 21st 2008.

It's hard to sum up just how exciting the Long Blondes were when they started out. I first heard them after they'd released a few singles and they were still without a record deal. Amongst my friends, urging them on to bigger and better things was a cause we felt passionately about. And it wasn't long before the NME had called them the Best Unsigned Band in Britain.Matching the media hype was the fact that those early singles - Giddy Stratospheres, Autonomy Boy, Once and Never Again and Lust in the Movies - were stunning. Unlike anyone else, they seemed to be addressing exactly what suburban teenagers were going through: self harm, bitchy jealousy, social climbing, pretending you were a much cooler film star than the sad sack you actually were. For those of us who couldn't relate to guitar songs that sounded like football chants, these were a revelation. It helped that they looked like a proper pop group. A bunch of ex-librarian mis-shapes and misfits dressed in thrift shop chic straight out of a Pulp song, it was impossible to take your eyes off front-woman Kate Jackson. In the miasma of boys with guitars they were the only band who were mining a wealth of influences often overlooked by the keepers of rock music's "canon" - Blondie, the Ronettes, the Human League, Pulp, John Cooper Clarke and the B-52s - to name just a few. They were often criticised for not being able to play "properly". These people, I thought, were missing the point – in the grand tradition of their heroes the Long Blondes were anti-technique.In fact, their heroic statement of intent on their website read: "We do not listen to the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Jimi Hendrix, the Doors or Bob Dylan. We chose an instrument each and learnt to play it."None of them were really proper musicians. And unlike all of those perfectly coiffured indie bands who became their peers, they were clearly just a group of friends who wanted to form a band for the fun of it.Also, in an age where most other indie bands' default option was "dumbing down", the Long Blondes weren't afraid to flaunt their high falutin' literary and pop culture influences. Like their beloved Roxy Music, high culture met low culture in their aesthetic. Billy Wilder, Arlene Dahl and Kenny Everett were all lyrical inspirations while their sleeves referenced Bonnie and Clyde, Poor Cow and 50s pulp fiction novels.They produced two great albums (Someone To Drive You Home and Couples), and a pretty weighty stack of classy singles and b-sides (Ten Reasons To End It , Christmas Is Cancelled and Long Blonde to name a few). These, along with their sense of fearlessness (in their music, attitude and look), will be their legacy.

#the long blondes #dorian cox #kate jackson #rennie hollis #emma chaplin #screech louder #someone to drive you home #couples #best band of the early XXi century

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mlpdestinyverse · 5 years

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Destinyverse Q&A

I asked my watchers on Deviantart to send me questions, related to me or Destinyverse, for me to compile and answer for a Q&A! Below the cut is the full Q&A and I hope it’ll be informative about me, my characters, or the Destinyverse universe! c:

Mysticalite:

1. Do any of your characters have any disabilities (I haven’t read all the bios so I might have missed something) if so, who and what do they have?

When it comes to physical, no! Though Destinyverse!Daring Do does have a permanent wing injury that gets in the way of taking off and flying normally (her wing can lock up and impair movement in the air). When it comes to mental (which I think mental illnesses count?); There's Eventide Twister with her general and social anxiety, and Skychaser has his bouts of depression. Then there's one other character who has dealt with clinical depression, and may still have its effects, but well...this isn't the right time to out them. ______________________________________________

2. Does the pony world in your universe have more relation with the human world? Like do more humans come over to the pony world and vice versa? With all video game stuff that involve Nova Spark, it made me wonder, do the humans share their technology with the ponies?

(Note that my answer is based off of Destinyverse headcanons!) There have been fun, silly stories passed around Canterlot City about magic and monsters and highschool students transforming into magical girl human-pony hybrids. But nowadays, people have waved off such stories as one huge school-wide prank or just exaggerated rumors to give Canterlot High and the city an interesting reputation. After graduating Canterlot High, and after magic disappeared (for the most part) from the human world, both Sunset Shimmer and Princess Twilight Sparkle agreed it'd be best to keep the existence of the magic portal on the down low. Not that normal humans who have never come in contact with equestrian magic or have never been pulled in at least once can cross it, but...better safe than sorry. A lot of back and forth communication and monitoring of the area around the portal is needed for Sunset or Astral to pass through unseen. Only those with Princess Twilight's permission are permitted to use the portal to cross back and forth.

As for technology! With all Sunset Shimmer has seen and gathered from the human world, the mare has used that knowledge over the years as inspiration to help advance Equestrian technology! Twilight puts her at the head of planning such projects, though they naturally need blueprints and research notes to be approved by Princess Celestia herself before they can start a project and have it produced for Equestria! ___________________________________________________

Craneswoop

3. What kind of technology is available to the ponies from the human world?

Similar to question 2, all advancements to technology in Equestria are human-inspired, but Equestrian-made! And I think it's safe to say magic has been added to the equation to create a unique magi-technology only Equestria would possess (think of how the helicopter blades on Tank's flight gear are run via an enchantment!)

One of the first things Sunset helped introduce were computers and monitors. Naturally an evolution in the gaming industry followed with the creation of consoles and computer games. We also have the creation of CDs and the development of portable music players, which improved the music industry.

There are some ideas still in the works for the topic of technology. For one, what about a development in animation and even TV shows? For some reason I feel like live TV wouldn't be a thing in present-day Equestria (whether because it's still being worked on or...Sunset wants to settle on live radio news broadcasts). Secondly, it'd be nice for there to be a communication device similar to a telephone, but not the complex cellphones/smartphones that humans have. That's an idea being smoothed out!

But one thing's for certain. The human's expansive "world wide web" does not exist in Equestria. Sure, computers - including desktop computers - exist. They're helpful with creating and storing documents and files, digital art, reading discs for computer games, etc. Buuut...Sunset has a new mantra, thanks to her past regrets. ”Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should”

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4. I'm sorry if this came up before, but if Dream's parents were both Earth ponies, where did her unicorn traits come from?

It hasn't! I believe one of Dreamaria's grandparents on her father's side is a unicorn! I have a feeling her father grew apart from his own parents for one reason or another, hence why the thought of going to them for unicorn-advice wasn't an option he considered. Dream has no connections to them.

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Jackii-in-the-Box

5. Your characters are beautifully made, but I wonder: Are your characters’ personality and background based on your life, people around you, or both? Or is it just to discover topics through fictional characters?

Thank you so much! And ah geez, this is going to be a long one, I apologize ahead of time. <xD There are a good chunk of characters in Destinyverse that I've handed aspects of my own experiences to. These characters would be Eventide Twister, Monochrome, Dreamaria Flow, Skychaser, and Summer Rush.

Dream, Sky, and Summer have the most subtle connections, don't worry! It ties into the aggressive behavior they've faced in their lives, but to keep it from getting too personal, I'll end that thought there. <:3

Monochrome only has one aspect in particular that I gave them because it's something I struggle with and needed to give form. The chapter "Gallery of Infamy" alone embodies it: a desire to share the things that are important to you with others, especially those that matter most. But when you can't, you're often left with a sense of loneliness. Being able to explore that feeling through Monochrome was pretty freeing. ;w;/

Then there's Eventide Twister, who in all honesty embodies the most aspects in her own way. Specifically, her struggle with anxiety and her plotline with Heather. That's something I don't mind sharing: My ex-friend wasn't Heather. In fact, I've shaped Heather in a way that's made her completely different from the friend I knew. But she was my best friend for many years, whose toxic behavior shaped my anxiety into what it still is today. The chapter "Honesty", while the event that forever damaged me and my friendship didn't play out quite like that, holds heavy references to that event and embodies the emotions I was left with that day. Emotions I had to struggle with for years. But I've gotten better with my anxiety and can function better than I could years ago. I continue to handle my anxiety the best that I can! And everything I've ever learned from my experience, I'm handing over to Eventide. Because even when you're left damaged, without a single bit of closure in sight, you can still heal. You can still overcome your hurdles and build yourself up again. That's what Eventide's character arc is about. And I look forward to sharing what I have planned for her. <X3

There's something almost therapeutic about expressing these internalized experiences and feelings through a medium like this. It gives those things form and provides a way of reaching out and communicating them to others! It's incredible how much reception Eventide's arc received, and seeing others be able to connect and relate to her and share their own personal stories is something I find so, so meaningful. I can only ever hope that being able to see these characters have similar experiences or struggles helps people feel heard or a little less alone...! _______________________________________________________

KannaYui

6. What ships in your NG are endgame? Like, which ones are gonna be official? Like Skychaser and Evergreen

While I can't give a direct answer to that, this question allows me to provide a bit of insight, since I'm sure others have wondered this too!

The reason EverSky is so openly canon is because 1. Skychaser, before he was fully developed, was originally created specifically to be Evergreen's boyfriend. xDD Not that he wasn't going to have more to him, but! That's what motivated me to make him! Now he's developed a solid story role! And 2. I drew tons of EverSky before I even started working on Destinyverse, sO, it's out there in the open. xD

For the other endgame ships? I want to avoid outright confirming certain ships for reasons, and then there are others who I'm just not 100% certain with yet (like the idea of Summer Rush and Jonagold!). Just know that while certain things may be perceived as either romantic or platonic (platonic physical affection after all!!), I'm also...not the most subtle when it comes to hinting or enjoying my own ships. <xDD That's your clue! But I have at least established that ChromeTwister isn't endgame, and I confirmed that because hellevenIenjoyit but I don't want people getting upset thinking that's being set up when it's actually not and Monochrome's crush is a thing of the past. ;w; Feel free to ship what you want though!! As long as it's harmless and everyone's respectful of one another's ships (as well as the canon ships), it's all good. <xD _______________________________________________________

Anthony158

7. When we will see Evergreen past arc?

AH, surprised someone's asking for Evergreen! He indeed has his own past arc, and well...I want to say he'll most likely be the last character to get his revealed, BUT it also completely depends on which arcs I feel like working on as time passes. <xD I already feel like I'm jumping around and unable to settle on one character. But admittedly some things still need to be sorted out for Ever's, so! We'll see! _______________________________________________________

Lack-Rat

8. I've got a question/story idea for you. Are enchanted comics that pull you into the story an established form of entertainment in your world or was that one spike got one of a kind?

I had to look back at the episode in question, but it turns out Spike got that comic from a shop called "The House of Enchanted Comics", so apparently there are multiple! I'm sure that it's somepony's unique talent, since I imagine that kind of spell would be a rather complex one for just any unicorn to perform (and it's a rather specific creative approach)! And because it's unique, I don't think it's a form of entertainment everywhere! Since Spike's comic disappeared at the very end of the episode, I almost think these enchanted comics only have a single copy that can be borrowed before they teleport back to its creator! So there's just one very specific shop in Canterlot that provides such magical comics. c: Hope that creator has their form of comic-enchantment trademarked. u m u

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9. On a related note, do you think Nova would ever invent a game console that magically sucks it's players in, either intentionally or accidentally? Given that he's Twilight's son I wouldn't be surprised if he could.

HAH, the thought never occurred to me, but hey! He probably could. uwu As a whole new generation of gaming~ Though it'd have to be intentional and consensual. xD And it'd be way down the line! His present goal is to just create immersive story-driven games. _______________________________________________________

MadnessOfTheMind

10. This may be considered a spoiler but I still gotta ask- Are Pinkie and Sugarsocks gonna have any kids in ur storyline or are they just a little side idea?

For some reason my mind tells me that those two don't feel a need to have any kiddos! >:0 They're just livin the best life with their business and parties~ Caramello from the Cake family is kind of the closest thing they have to a kiddo they can love and spoil. uwu

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11. Also are we gonna get more Everchaser/Skygreen (Evergreen and Skychaser) panic gay horse content in the future or no? Cuz lemme tell ya I do love my chaotic gay flirt horses lol

YOU HECKIN BET YOU WILL, THERE'S S O MUCH I STILL GOTTA DRAW xD I haven't even introduced their future daughter yet. I'll end up drawing stuff about her eventually. ;w; And I personally call their ship EverSky! Makes me think of a beautiful endless expanse of sky.

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12. Also, what was the first nextgen you came up with an idea for, or what triggered you to start developing a nextgen story on Deviantart? I'm curious owo

I was inspired by Lopoddity's next gen artwork!! I was particularly enamored by her royal next gens and basically went "I...want to design...a kiddo for Luna", AND BOOM, WE GOT PRINCE AMADEUS, my first next gen! Princess Lumina followed after. c: From there I already had Dream Flow and Eventide Twister as characters (Eve was an undeveloped OC at the time), my friend had her character Star Chime, and the existence of my royal next gens started forming a story! A cover (now taken down unfortunately) of the song "Ballad of the Crystal Empire" kick-started ideas for an arc of the present-day story. And as more characters joined the cast, my brain exploded with ideas from there. <xD The realization that I could present this story via illustrated stories and art dumps was the final push I needed to start working on it!

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13. I know abt PTX, but are any other characters inspired by celebs or media figures you like?

Nope! In reality I don't actually keep up with a lot of celebs and media figures. <xD Aside from youtubers maybe, but still.

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14. What do you, Mia, personally like music-wise? What are a few of your favorite bands?

I always have a hard time naming genres because I kind of just like whatever songs sound good to me. <xDD But I think a common pattern is that I really enjoy emotionally-charged songs. Probably why I tend to enjoy songs from musicals (Dear Evan Hansen is perfection, fight me)! I also like things with a good beat, piano, strings, and a combination of all those things is mMMMMgoodshit.

For some bands! And singers! I enjoy Halsey, Panic! At The Disco, PVRIS, Rachel Platten, Paramore, and Marianas Trench!

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UsaHunnyBunny

15. Were you nervous about sharing you Pony next gen stuff?

Nah! I was already posting art and stories for other fandoms in the past, so posting for a new fandom wasn't bad! But most of all, I had a powerful desire to get out of my own way and get my stories out there. I have a hard time communicating my thoughts and ideas with people - or finding a place where I can do that - and it was wearing me down, internalizing my own ideas and passions. SO, sharing my stories became my way of communicating these thoughts and feelings and connecting with others!

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16. Out of all your ships, which is your favorite? Parents of next gen/next gen or otherwise!

For canon characters; TwiTempest is my absolute jam. They're so freaking cute; perfectionistic and panicky princess and her cool-headed and secretly soft guard captain. HM. Runner up would be DaringDash. I never actually shipped them until after I paired them together to create Monochrome. Only then did I realize how cute of a couple they could make. Stubborn, blushy fools.

For my next gens: EverSky was my everything for the longest time, but then came another ship. I won't name the ship, partially because of my whole "no confirming" thing, but also because it's a ship that I don't think anyone will be able to fully appreciate or understand until you see it unfold for yourselves. ;w; It'll become obvious with time~

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17. What advice you'd give someone who wants to share their own fun pony stories/ideas themselves?

WELL! SCREW CRINGE CULTURE FOR ONE. As long as you're not copying or using harmful ideas, HAVE FUN AND BE INSPIRED!! Your ideas deserve to be out there! Not receiving much attention at first can admittedly be disheartening, but please don't give up! Keep believing in your passion, keep expressing it and having fun, and people in time will be able to see and appreciate those things! Also remember that it's okay to retcon if you end up finding ideas that work better. c: And one of the best things is that there's no pressure in posting stories 100% in order. You could jump around from character to character, from present day to the past to an event in the future, etc. In the end, just make sure you're having fun. ;w;/

Also, always have something with you to record new ideas! Your phone, a google doc, a notepad, whatever you need to jot ideas down new ideas as they come! From experience, you might think "oh this is an interesting idea, I can remember it for later". NO. DON'T TRUST THAT MY DUDE. YOU WILL LIKELY FORGET AND THEN HAVE REGRETS AS YOU TRY TO CALL FORTH THAT ONE SCENE CONCEPT OR THAT PERFECT LINE OF DIALOGUE but can't. So just be safe and jot down every idea you like, even if you end up tossing it out in the end. ;w;

ANYWAY! It all starts with you, so please, make that move and share your work~ Who knows who you'll end up reaching with your stories!

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18. Are you aware of how wonderfully talented and adorable you are?

*SQUINTS* I'm only including this cause you legit submitted it, but how dare Myansweristhanksbuthush _______________________________________________________

PurplePenumbra

19. Regarding Dream, has she ever met any other unicorn with the same kind of magic as her? Would she like to? And if so, would she be happy to meet them?

She hasn't! Then again, other than the few times Uncle Serein would take her out of town for an outing or for visits to her grandparents, Dream didn't get out of her town much. Not until she moved to Ponyville! Whether she'd like to meet a similar unicorn is a little MMM complicated. I think meeting another pony with her abilities would at least be a good opportunity to see if she understands the full extent and workings of her magic. >:0 _______________________________________________________

ANONS! 20. Since the last ask reminded me of your mystery dungeon kids: if Eventide, Skychaser, and Dream were a mystery dungeon team, which Pokemon would each of them be and what kind of roles would they take? (tank, ranged, etc)

Dream Flow would be a shiny Ralts (emotion-abilities and psychic-type after all!) She'd be a ranged battler and healer!

Skychaser would be a Dartrix (no reason other than flying type + the hairstyle, and the hood for Decidueye. Besides, grass type boi would work well with grass type - possibly Roserade - Evergreen Glade~) And Sky would be a mixed fighter! Also have...have you guys looked up birds in hoodies. Please do.

Evie would be an Eevee~ Not only cause name play, but! Eventide's a char of possibilities. Darling's gotta find herself. ;w; While a reluctant fighter, if it means aiding her friends, Eve will do her best to fulfil her role as a close-ranged fighter (with Skychaser staying close to help out when needed). She'd also carry a wing-shaped backpack for the team's items! Evolution-wise? Even with no flying type Eeveelution, I think the most perfect evolution for her would have to be Sylveon~ You can piece together why. <X3 _______________________________________________________

21. Which characters were fun to develop and had the toughest backstory to plan?

Fun to develop? Oh Nova Spark all the way. A character who was originally created for fun and to serve the role of Prince Amadeus's best friend has developed into such a major character and I love him. It's probably why he has the longest past arc out of anyone, and also why I'm really excited to work on it BUT WELL I'm worried about leaving everyone else on the backburner. <xD

Hardest backstory to plan? Dream Flow. I've been developing her for over four years now and I'm still trying to sort her out. Heck I was figuring certain things out for her AS I was writing "Impasse". BUT HEY, I think I've settled on a good amount of Dream's story now! I'm sure I'll be editing some things as I go, but I've got a basic idea for what I want! _______________________________________________________

22. You've shown off kids for a lot of the MLP main cast, and they're all great! But one I've never seen mentioned and it has me curious. Does Starlight Glimmer have any kids? Will they be showing up even as a cameo/background pony?

Thanks! So this answer applies to all next gens, but for me to make a next gen, I need either 1. A ship I'm genuinely interested in! or 2. A character concept I want to design, thus I'll figure out parents that could fit the concept best. Examples would be Nova Spark (TwiTempest) and Beat Mania (VinylOctavia) for #1, and Monochrome and Skychaser for #2.

While a Starlight kid sounds nice, I just don't have a Starlight ship that's won me over. <xD Nor do I have any interesting char concepts I could use for a Starlight kid idea; BUT, the thing about that is that I'm not actively trying to create new character concepts. You see, I seem to have a hard time creating background next gen ponies because my mind likes to go off with ideas for almost every character I create. And with the amount of characters I already have, I really don't think I can balance any more characters in the cast without feeling a need to have them play a role in a main plot or another character's plot. And things are complicated as they are. <xDD SO you won't be seeing any new next gen designs unless I find a new MLP ship I REALLY like, or I think up an idea I really want to pursue! ;w;/ _______________________________________________________

23. Do any of the Destinyverse characters have friends that aren't ponies? Some of them did go to the school of friendship after all. Will we ever see them or have them mentioned?

Yep~! But see, those who have attended Friendship Elementary/the School of Friendship (Nova Spark, Eventide Twister, Astral Dusk and Monochrome) ironically are also the characters who have problems with friendship. <xD So none of them have non-pony friends presently.

As for those who do! Evergreen Glade actually has a Kirin friend who is very important to him. You'll meet him in Evergreen's past arc!

Summer Rush is very personable and probably has made friends with both ponies and non-ponies. ;w; None of them have been planned past being minor background characters, though. Maybe they'll have brief mentions! We'll see!

Princess Lumina has made friends with tons of royals/chiefs from other species! Comes with visiting or receiving visits from representatives/leaders/heirs of the other kingdoms within or outside of Equestria!

And finally Terra Rosa....may or may not have a friend who's not 100% human. Without realizing it. _______________________________________________________

24. They all seem to be around the same age, but who's the oldest/youngest of the Destinyverse crew?/How old is everyone supposed to be in Destinyverse?

Keep in mind these are approximate ages, from oldest to youngest! Princess Lumina is the oldest at 27. Then comes (big bro) Skychaser at 26. Summer Rush, Astral Dusk, and Prince Amadeus are around 23. Monochrome (and maybe Evergreen Glade) is 22. Eventide Twister, Nova Spark, and Dream Flow are around 20. And finally, Venture Gale is the youngest at about 14! _______________________________________________________

25. Will we ever be seeing more of Lumina or Amadeus? Will they have a part in this story?

Certainly! The only reason we haven't seen much of them is because we haven't explored the right characters that are connected to them! c: Which would be Prince Nova Spark and Star Chime (again, a friend's character!)! _______________________________________________________

26. Does Venture Gale read his mom's books? How does he react to them if so? Excited, embarrassed, or something else?

Absolutely~! He's a HUGE fan of his own mom's books! He gets so engrossed reading them, getting to re-experience his adventures in such an awesome light. It's exciting seeing himself as a character! Though he does get embarrassed when his mom adds extra narrative commentary, such as writing that Valor Wind is a fast-thinker, intelligent mind, a brave and honest soul, etc. His embarrassment is also fed by people who are die-hard fans of his character (Not that anyone knows he's Valor Wind or that the stories are real. But anyway, he's also incredibly flattered~)). Surprisingly, unlike Rainbow Dash who gets a HUGE ego boost out of their fans, Ven is a rather humble kiddo. But that's to be expected from the boy who becomes a red-faced bean over the slightest compliment. _______________________________________________________

27. Without spoilers, which Destinyverse character would you say has the biggest regrets about their past? Either in a single event or a long time thing?

Astral Dusk. It never occured to me until I read this question, but regret is a leading theme in present-day Astral's character conflict. _______________________________________________________

28. Who is your least to most fav character to draw in Destinyverse? Why?

Favorite character to draw? Nova Spark I think! I love coloring his gradient hair. Much simpler than hair streaks, and it's very pretty <xDD From there, everyone else so far has been on pretty neutral ground.

Now when I say "least favorite", in this case I mean the char that gives me the hardest time. And that'd be Skychaser, only because of his dang hair. <xD Getting the right curls and shape is WEIRDLY hard, but hey that's the price to pay for luscious hair. _______________________________________________________

29. What's Nova and Monochrome's relationship like?

Hehe~ It's a healthy one, built on trust and a sense of understanding they don't really share with anyone else in their lives. They often find themselves on the same wavelength and constantly have one another's back. If I can choose one word that embodies their relationship, I would choose...loyalty.

#mia post #destinyverse

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the-kitsune-queen · 6 years

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As 2018 comes to a close...

I really can’t believe what a remarkable year I’ve had. Blessing after blessing after blessing. There is a large part of me that can’t help but look back at the year I’ve had and take note of all instances of God’s goodness.

I finally overcame mental illness. My doctors discovered that my severe depression was largely due to an overwhelming vitamin D deficiency, and after a 12 week regimen of massive dosages of vitamin D (plus a newfound dedication to attending church) I can say with confidence I made it through my second bout of depression in my lifetime.

I started dating my amazing boyfriend. We fell in love long distance. He is without a doubt the most incredible, patient, loving, and caring man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. And about a month ago I found out he’ll be moving closer to me next year. A good thing too, because I never knew how much one person could love another until I met him. He is my sunshine and the love of my life.

I am going to be an aunt. My brother and sister-in-law informed my family over the summer that they’re expecting, and we now know it’s going to be a beautiful baby girl. She’s due to be born in March next year, and I can’t wait to hold my niece in my arms for the first time.

I finally quit my retail job. A job that had been causing me stress and frustration and had only contributed to my previously mentioned mental illness, I finally left in August. Finally I’m making serious decisions to advance my professional career. Which leads me to my final blessing:

I’m going back to school in two weeks. To pursue my budding interest in digital art and design, I’ll be going back to school part time to get a certificate in graphic design. I’m going to learn how to do photography and web design and how to use the Adobe Suite. And though a part of me is worried about being a student again a year and a half after graduation, I’m really eager to learn my craft-- finally.

After about four years of depression, this is the first time where-- despite all the uncertainty regarding future employment and all the patience it requires to be in a long distance relationship-- I feel okay. Part of me is overwhelmed and impatient and anxious, but I know in my heart that things really are looking up for me. Not that there won’t be trials or bad days in 2019, but I’ve finally reached a point in my life where I feel like I have the God-given courage to face those trials. And being in love only motivates me further.

But what’s my point? Am I just gloating about my good year? Not at all.

This year has proved to me that depression is not the end. It wasn’t the end for me, and it’s not the end for anyone. With patience and prayer and trust in God, nothing is impossible. I wondered if I’d ever be depression free. I thought I’d be single forever. I thought I’d never make any sort of career for myself. But all of that changed within a year. God delivered me from depression and suicidal thoughts and self-harm twice now. No one is beyond saving.

If you need prayer regarding your mental illness(es) I will be happy to do so for you. If you are worried you’ll be single forever as I once did, or if your employment/career path is causing you stress, I’ll pray for that too. I understand all of these struggles, having lived with them for years, and I am more than happy to pray.

Having said all that, I’m both curious and eager to see what 2019 has in store. Happy New Year everybody!

#happy new year #mental illness #2018 #2019 #shut up em

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boisheviks · 6 years

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Do everything that you haven't already done

thanks owobiwan

angel; do you have a nickname? no not rly

awe; how old are you? 18

baby; favorite color? either red or blue

bloop; spirit animal? red panda

blossom; favorite book/movie/song? havent read a book in years, into the spiderverse was a really good movie (just saw it yesterday, 11/10 would recommend PLEASE SEE IT IF YOU HAVENT), tbh idk what my favorite song is but my favorite band is p!atd

blush; what was your stuffed animal as a child? hmmm i guess my first major stuffed animal was a bunny. i also had a lot of dogs

bright; mermaids or fairies? both??

bubbles; do you have a best friend? yea (:

buttercup; showers or baths? showers

butterfly; dream destination? japan

buttons; are you religious or spiritual? uhhhh?????? neither???? i guess spiritual if i had to pick

candlelight; what did you dream about last night? i dont remember most of my dreams unless something significant happened so idk

charming; have you ever been in love? nah

cozy; eye/hair color? brown and black respectively

cuddly; what’s your favorite time period? uhhh now i guess? although trump sucks so bad timeline

cupcake; favorite flower/plant? plants that grow fruit

cute; what did you get on your last birthday? iphone x

cutie pie; most precious item you own? my iphone x lol

cutsie; what makes you happy? talking to my friends

daisies; describe a moment when you felt free. when i came home from college for winter break lmao thank god no homework or studying i dont want to go back

daylight; favorite album of all time? oof uhhh i guess the wall by pink floyd

dear; zodiac sign? aries

delightful; concerts or museums? concerts but museums can be cool

dimples; have you ever written a letter? ..yes? lmao

dobby; dream job? something in cybersecurity would be cool

doll; how do you like to dress? tshirt and jeans, with a jacket if its cold

dovey; any paranormal/magical experiences? nope

dreams; do you want or have any tattoos? no tattoos and currently not rly interested in getting any anytime soon

euphoric; talk about someone you love. i love my parents theyre great

fairy; do you have a pet? i have a fish!

forever; where do you feel time stop? where…??? idk

froglet; are you a good plant owner? LMAO i was until i forgot about my plant for a solid week. but in my dorm my plant was one of the nicest looking ones so rip plant

garden; how many languages do you know? 2 if u count my horrible chinese that i learned in high school

giggles; what is your aesthetic of choice? sunsets and what the sky looks like

glittery; do you like anons? why/why not? sure. i mean i dont rly get any in the first place but lol

glow; list the top 5 things you like about yourself

1. I’m funny (i hope anyways)

2. I’m smart (kinda)

3. I’m strong

4. I’m understanding

5. I’m good at playing music (lol i literally could not think of anything else yikes)

heart; silk or lace? silk

honey; coffee or tea? how do you take it? coffee, only if its in the form of a frappuccino

hugsy; do you enjoy people watching or bird watching more? why? people, mainly bc its funny to watch them sometimes

hunnybunch; what sounds help you sleep? no sounds in general

jewel; what’s your favorite kind of weather? sunny

jiggly; what do you usually like to do on weekends? sleep

joy; do you laugh loudly or giggle more? probably laugh loudly id say

kinky; do you blush easily? i dont think so

kisses; what romantic cliché do you wish for most? to have someone love me (wow i live a sad life)

ladybug; what’s your favorite artist to listen to when you’re sad? idk i will listen to the same music no matter how i feel

love; what is your favorite season and why? summer bc no school and its warm

lovey; what is your favorite flavor of macaron and ice cream? i dont eat macarons much but as for ice cream i guess smores

moonlight; do you prefer soft pastels, warm neutrals, or cool darks? hmm i guess i like looking at soft pastels but cool darks are also nice

paddywack; how would you describe a perfect date? actually going on one haha

pebbles; how do you spend free time by yourself? sleeping and talking to friends

precious; what is something valuable that you learned in your life? dont procrastinate for too long (i say as i procrastinate writing thank you cards whoops)

pretty; do you like to cook or bake more? bake

prince; how would you describe your handwriting? ugly but surprisingly legible

princess; do you play any instruments? if not, are there any you wish you could play? yup i play lots

prinky; how do you relieve stress? listening to music

pumpkin; what is your favourite kind of fruit/vegetable? mangoes

rainbow; what was the last line of the last book you read? tbh i dont even remember the last book i read

roses; what is the most significant event in your life so far? this is sad but probably getting into college and going to college

smile; what is one thing that has greatly affected you? tbh probably getting an internship since i kinda (??) have a guaranteed job once i get out of college as long as i dont mess up so yea knocking on wood rn

shine; art or music? music but i love art as well

smitten; do you collect anything? not really although i used to collect state quarters (now theyre like presidents and important locations or something)

smoochies; how many pillows do you sleep with? 1 usually but i can also sleep without a pillow

snuggly; do you have a camera? if so, what kind? does my phone count

sparkle; do you wear jewelry? yea usually ill wear a watch and a necklace

spooky; sunrise or sunset? sunset, i cant get up for the sunrise anyways

sprinkles; do you like to listen to music with headphones or no headphones? headphones

starlight; what was your favourite show as a child? funny story but i think barney was my favorite show when i was rly young. but then i guess when i got older (elementary school) probably the mythbusters

soft; describe your favourite spot in your house. my desk where my computer is. its often a mess but i spend the most time there

soothe; digital or vinyl? vinyl bc im such a hipster wow i dont even own any vinyl (my dad has a bunch of records tho)

squeezed; who do you miss right now? all my college pals :(

sugary; what traits do you value most in friends? people who will laugh at my awful jokes and will tolerate me and listen to me i guess

sunshine; do you prefer for things to be practical or aesthetically pleasing? aesthetically pleasing who needs things to be practical and useful anyways lol

sweet; do you find it easy to open up? nope lol it be like that sometimes

sweetie; do you like kids? if so, do you ever want to have any? eh kids are ok but can also be kinda annoying so idk if id ever want any/be fit to have any anyways lol. id probably adopt tho

thimble; is there somebody you look up to? who are they? yup and its the person who gave me all of these to answer smh

tootsie; what kind of friend are you? one who will probably make fun of u too much but will also listen to u when u need it

velvet; are you an early bird or a night owl? night owl for sure

whimsical; do you prefer doing stuff at home or going out? depends where “going out” is and with who

whiskers; do you usually wear makeup? nope ive never worn makeup

wiggly; are you a messy or tidy person? messy

wobbly; have you ever wished upon a star? no, but also i dont rly see shooting stars rip light pollution

#ask

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aroworlds · 6 years

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Aro-Spec Artist Profile: Luthyx

Our next aro-spec creator is @luthyx, who also goes by Petrichlorine and MUSE-42. They’re better known on this blog for sharing snippets from an in-progress work called Sanction the Skies, celebrating all things a-spec and dragon!

Luthyx is a transmasculine, agender aro-ace creative with mental illnesses, specialising in speculative fiction and digital art, the latter both original and fancontent (primarily for How to Train Your Dragon). You can find their gorgeous art on their DeviantArt account and their writing at @sanctiontheskies, currently featuring artwork, maps and a wealth of worldbuilding and characterisation teasers. Lastly, if you enjoy Flight Rising, you can check out their dragons under the name Luthyx!

With us Luthyx talks their confidence in their aromanticism, the need to live an authentic life on their terms, the way their characters and worlds become part of them, and writing spec fic as an aro. Their determination to craft and make as they need sparkles in every word and dragon scale, so please let’s give them all our love, encouragement, gratitude, kudos and follows for taking the time to explore what it is to be aromantic and creative.

Can you share with us your story in being aro-spec?

My tale is a fairly straightforward one. By the time I was of the age that most people started experiencing their first crushes, I’d moved to a different state and begun taking an online school, free of the peer pressure that lies ever-present in most traditional classrooms.

Even then, as I began to develop my skills and passion for writing, I’d already begun to see the influence of the omnipresent Romantic Subplot. It was everywhere: books, film, music, poems. I couldn’t so much as flip on the radio without hearing a disillusioned, autotuned cry for help healing a broken heart. I hated it. I still do.

It quickly became apparent to me that I wasn’t like the others. Every once and a while, my mom would drag me to her church, where I’d be forced to endure the company of undisciplined tween boys and catty, Twilight-obsessed girls. It was the girls especially that caught my attention: the sheer passion and fervency with which they discussed who they found hot, what Hogwarts house they were in, and their critiques and praise of The Hunger Games. I found it absurd to objectify people, fantasy or real, like that.

I think this was probably about the time I began to realize that I was agender, too, but that’s a story for another day. Thankfully, I’d already become a headstrong, independent teenager, and I was proud to say that I was different, that my interests were in something that, in my head, was much more important and much more intense than those of others my age.

I can’t recall the first time I heard the term aromantic or the first day that I applied it to myself. I think, deep down, I always knew, and I’ve always been astoundingly proud of it. To me, romance isn’t the be-all-and-end-all of things, but just another life experience I haven’t had, like owning fourteen chihuahuas or going on a warm summer vacation to the Middle East. Not everybody wants to experience those things, and society is completely fine with it - I see no reason as to why they should feel differently about romantic relationships, but I suppose they do. Dealing with the fallout of that bias is their problem.

I am me, and the me I know will not be held down by stereotypes, will not conform to any sort of life script I am handed, will not feel sorrow or remorse for a single experience lost. I’m here for a good time, and my idea of a good time involves doing what I love. Romance is not on that list.

Can you share with us the story behind your creativity?

My creative streak started young. For as long as I’ve known it, I’ve been drawing characters and writing stories. Mind you, the first stories were about Littlest Pet Shop figures and were written with the help of my parents, but it was a start nonetheless. Art, in its many different forms, has always been my form of self-expression. I often wandered off into my imaginary world when I got bored, and when I went to sleep every night, I’d often spend hours just imagining characters doing as they do before drifting off to sleep. I still do that every night - like clockwork.

I think it was when I was in my early teens - thirteen or fourteen, maybe - that I decided I wanted to be a writer. I recall turning to my mother one night and saying, “I wish I could write a book,” still believing that I was too young to attempt such a thing yet. “Nobody says you can’t do it right now!” were the words she gave back to me, and then off I started.

The project I started then is one that’s still ongoing now - a series of books I call Sanction the Skies, featuring dragons, wars, and a good hunk of divine intervention. I’ve worked and reworked it ever since that fateful day, improving the lore, changing the characters, watching my perspective of them evolve and change alongside me. They are a part of me, through and through.

It hasn’t been the easiest journey, but I’m still chipping away at it, ever-determined. It’s been doubly hard to follow my dream because of all of the messages about how impossible it is to be a writer in this day and age, and that you can’t do it without a well-paying side job. My stubborn self says, “To hell with you!” and works on it anyway. I want to write, to draw, to forge, to craft, and the world be damned if it tries to stand in my way.

Are there any particular ways your aro-spec experience is expressed in your art?

The only way it’s expressed is in my writing, where almost all of my characters are explicitly aro. The Romantic Subplot is a tiresome, often badly-done trope, and I’d like to steer away from it altogether. I want to show that a friendship is not worth less than a romance, and that a good story can still be told without the boy getting the girl - or the girl getting the girl for the sake of progressiveness.

What challenges do you face as an aro-spec artist?

Honestly? Not much, at least not yet. I think I may face a bit of pushback in the future because my novel features no romance, but overall, I’ll probably be fine in that regard.

How do you connect to the aro-spec and a-spec communities as an aro-spec person?

I rarely connect with them at all, honestly. Most of the discussion I see is either people screaming about amatonormativity or people asking, “Am I asexual/aromantic if…?” Alternatively, there’s people discussing their experience being partially a-spec or aro-spec, none of which I can relate to. All I want is a place to revel in my identity, to be able to talk about anything BUT romance, to form strong friendships.

Sometimes it hurts me to think that the friends I have now will soon find romantic partners, and I’ll be left behind in the dust as a third wheel. I hope my friends won’t do that, that perhaps I can still make myself heard - but who knows? I’ve had no luck with finding any other aro-spec people in my region at all, unfortunately, so the internet is all I’ve got in that regard. I’ll just have to wait and see what the future holds!

How do you connect to your creative community as an aro-spec person?

I find I connect somewhat decently. I write fantasy and sci-fi, which generally seem to be more acceptable genres to have a lack of romance, especially when a pair of dragons are the main characters. It is alienating from many fandoms, though, because they often focus so much on the romantic partnerships and shipping. Almost every blocked tag in my dash concerns ships, kissing, hugging, romance, children, and anything related to those.

Can you share with us something about your current project?

Ohoho, this is a fun one! Well, right now, I’m working on re-writing Chapter One for the trillionth time after giving the town it takes place in a complete and utter overhaul. I’m also working on making a short comic that takes place in the universe of the book but is unrelated to the main plot, though it features characters and locations that may be explored in future books. I want to do the comic in the hopes of gaining some traction and interest in the books, since I’m rather horrible at advertising at the moment.

Have you any forthcoming works we should look forward to?

Again, the comic! It’s about a con artist who incurs the wrath of the demigodess of misfortune after a con resulted in the death of a sick hatchling. There’s also some stuff with an ancient, precursor species of dragons and one of their final remaining sanctuaries.

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shirlleycoyle · 4 years

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Tracking Down DOPE, the First Computer Language for Normal Humans

BASIC holds an important place in computer programming canon. Hugely popular in the 70s and 80s this programming language introduced an entire generation to computing. The reason for its widespread adoption was simple: BASIC wasn't meant for programmers, it was designed for beginners. The language meshed well with the egalitarian worldview of early home computing. If you could type then you could become a computer user, and if you could become a computer user you could become a programmer.

BASIC didn't come from nowhere. Like any language it has a family tree complete with phylums and roots. The descendants of BASIC are fairly easy to spot, Visual BASIC is about as far afield as they get. But it's ancestry is a different story that not many people know about. The language that inspired a generation does, in fact, have a predecessor called the Dartmouth Oversimplified Programming Experiment, or DOPE.

That name's probably not familiar, but that shouldn't be a surprise. I ran into it almost by chance. Once I learned of this obscure language I found myself in a pretty deep rabbit hole. At the bottom I became one of the few people to run a DOPE program in nearly 60 years. The language is strange, but undeniably shows the skeleton of BASIC starting to form.

What is DOPE, and where does it fit into the larger story of BASIC?

The history of computing is easy to sum up in terms of problems. In the corporate parlance of IBM the worst of these problems were once called dragons, evocative of monsters that programmers were sent out to slay. In the earliest days of the computer one of the biggest dragons around was accessibility. That is, how to get people using computers in the first place. Early computers were hulking beasts in their own right: huge, expensive, and difficult to use. Most often programmers never even touched computers themselves. Instead they would drop off stacks of punched cards for technicians to carefully feed into well protected machines.

In isolation a computer is a novelty. It can hum, crunch numbers, and heat up a room. You need people to actually make computers useful, the more people the better. The state of the art in the late 50s was progressing at a steady pace, but there just weren't enough people in the game. To make matters worse access to machines formed a tight bottleneck. It was never disputed that computers were going to be the future. How exactly that future would develop was another matter.

Programming languages came into being. FORTRAN, ALGOL, and a handful of ancient dialects have their roots in this period. The whole point in developing FORTRAN was to make computing more accessible to non-computer scientists. The key word here being scientists. If you follow FORTRAN's logic then computers are tools for research, something you tuck away in a lab. And while that's one important application it's a limited one. In the grand scheme of things not that many people are scientists. Luckily for us not everyone was a devotee of FORTRAN's vision of the future.

Enter the dragon slayers of our story: John Kemeny and Thomas Kurtz. Kemeny was the longtime chair of the mathematics department at Dartmouth college, and Kurtz was his colleague and fellow researcher.

During WWII Kemeny was involved in the Manhattan Project as a mathematician. While on the project he worked directly with John von Neumann, one of the key figures in early computing. Kemeny spent a year on the project crunching numbers and running figures. In early 1945 his work was done using cumbersome IBM tabulating machines. By the end of the year the first electronic digital computers became operational, and Kemeny witnessed their impact on the Manhattan Project firsthand. The next year Kemeny wrote his first program.

Thomas Kurtz came to the field only slightly later. In 1951 Kurtz attended one of UCLA's Summer Sessions where he saw a computer running for the first time. At the time he was enrolled in Pricneton's graduate program for mathematics. That demo was enough to interest him. Once he learned to program, computing became an integral part of his career. Both saw for themselves how computers changed their own lives, and they realized the technology wouldn't stop there. Computers would only get better and more widespread, the future was going to be digital.

Surrounded by young and impressionable minds the duo set out a task for themselves: teach every student at Dartmouth how to use a computer. STEM students at the college were already being exposed to computers, at least in a limited sense. But that only accounted for a fraction of the student population.

How can you teach an English student to talk to a computer? Why would an aspiring psychologist care about silicon? Sure, computers were going to change everything for everyone. That's nice to say in a lecture, but how do you introduce students to machines?

This would eventually lead to BASIC. Unlike its contemporaries BASIC was designed for non-scientists, and really for non-programmers. Unnecessary constructs were stripped out, data was simplified, syntax was reduced to the bare minimum. The final language would be a masterpiece of restraint. It's not a language a programmer can love but for the vast majority of the populace it's easy to learn.

Compared to its contemporaries BASIC is simple, almost to a fault. Take FORTRAN as an example. In that language variables need to be declared with specific data types, and variable declarations need to be made in specific locations within a program. BASIC doesn't use explicit types, any variable can hold anything you want. You don't even need to declare a variable, just say "LET A = 1" and you are done. Even BASIC's syntax is a breath of fresh air. The language only uses letters, numbers, and a few mathematical operators. You don't have to deal with line endings or brackets.

The downside is that more powerful features are dropped in favor of simplicity. Objects, abstraction, even the aforementioned variable typing, are all absent. BASIC offers just the necessities.

On campus BASIC was a hit. Teachers integrated the language into classes, and students were happy to adopt it. The transition to home computers was an obvious choice. BASIC became the de facto introduction to the digital realm for millions.

The most authoritative source on BASIC's development is the aptly named "Back to BASIC", co-authored by Kemeny and Kurtz themselves. This is where I first encountered DOPE. Or, rather, where I first saw the language mentioned. During the late 50s and early 60s the duo experimented with how to introduce students to computers, specifically looking for a programming language for the absolute novice. When existing languages proved ill fit for this task they shifted to creating a new programming language.

The Dartmouth math department was armed with an LGP-30 computer, a relatively cheap and underpowered machine. In total it had 30 kilobytes of RAM to work with. That computer would see years of hard use and strange experiments. DOPE was one of those experiments, but details in "Back to BASIC" are slim. In a passage near the beginning of the book Kemeny wrote:

"I had a high school student, Sidney Marshall, who was taking calculus at Dartmouth. I had him experiment with a language called DOPE on that same LGP-30. DOPE was too primitive to be useful, but it was the precursor of BASIC."

DOPE was used on the math department's computer and Kemeny supervised it's creation. As a programmer myself I don't really do mysteries—I much prefer resolutions—and this was a massive mystery to me. I've written a good deal of BASIC, it wasn't my first language but it was a big part of my diet early on. I always assumed it was it's own language isolated from any others, and I think that's an easy mistake to make. BASIC doesn't look like anything but BASIC. It's name doesn't hint at some larger lineage. I was left with a glaring hole in my knowledge, and as I soon realized I wasn't the only one out of the loop.

Image: Marcin Wichary/Wikimedia Commons

Running DOPE

There isn't that much readily accessible information about DOPE. Notably a passage written by Thomas Kurts for the book "History of Programming Languages" has a small chunk of code. It's a handful of lines of DOPE, not enough to understand the language but just enough to confirm it's existence. Scouring through interviews and citations I started to build up a picture. DOPE had been developed in 1962. It was only used for a single term in a single math class. It was a step towards accessible programming but didn't go far enough.

The trail led me to a file folder tucked away in Dartmouth's archive. The manuscript within was simply titled "Dartmouth Oversimplified Programming Experiment", filed under a collection of Kurtz's notes. The paper was written in 1962, and for the time gave a radically different approach to programming. It's definitely not BASIC, but it's getting close.

First of all, the DOPE manuscript answered one of my biggest questions: why was there so little information about the language? The name should give a little away, DOPE was an experiment. It was used as a proving ground for ideas Kemeny and Kurtz were brewing. The paper describing DOPE was also never published. Partly, because it wasn't really a formal language description. Instead it was part primer, part lesson plan. Students were being used as guinea pigs on the path to a better programming language.

The next step for me was clear. The DOPE paper laid bare all the details of the language, example problems, logical diagrams, and every idiosyncrasy. Reading it is one thing, but I wanted to understand DOPE, and the only way to understand a language is to use it. The larger issue was that there was no way to run DOPE code that really existed. GNU binutils—the most popular compiler package around—definitely doesn't ship with support for the language, and I wasn't able to track down any of the code for the original implementation. So I set to work reviving the language by building an interpreter. Simply put, an interpreter is a program that can understand and execute source code.

Making my own implementation of DOPE was a way to understand the language on a deeper level, and try to reason out why it failed and what ideas made it into BASIC. That, and preserving a dead programming language sounded like a fun challenge. How hard could it be?

As it turned out, not that hard. Even before I had a running interpreter I was starting to see the connection to BASIC. One of the reasons BASIC became so popular was because it was easy to implement. That was by design. The language was structured to make compilation simple, Dartmouth's BASIC follows very rigid syntax structure. Each line of BASIC starts with a number, then an operation, then arguments. It's simple, easy to parse with a computer, and easy to write for a novice.

Each line of DOPE starts with a line number, then an operation, then arguments. This is where BASIC got its structure. For someone implementing the language that saves a lot of time and code. You just break each line into tokens, the operation is always in the same place, arguments are right after. There is zero ambiguity and zero wiggle room. It's easy to zoom through the process.

The Dartmouth team had similar mileage. According to Kemeny's paper the DOPE compiler could turn code into executables in under a minute. That's slow today, but sounds pretty good for the slow LGP-30. Later this same simplified syntax structure allowed Kemeny and Kurtz to pull some slick tricks with their BASIC implementation. Dartmouth BASIC was compiled, but presented to users as an interactive environment. On the backend BASIC code was compiled on runtime with minimal latency, to students it just looked like the school's computer spoke fluent BASIC.

But there's a hitch, and it's one of the biggest issues with DOPE. BASIC deviates from the rigid format slightly. You can actually write mathematical expressions in BASIC, so "LET A = 1 + 1" is a valid line of code. Under the hood a mathematical expression may be treated as arguments, but to a user you can write math in BASIC the same as you'd jot down an equation.

DOPE doesn't work that way. The language is much more terse, no doubt a result of the limited hardware it was developed on. Let me give you a taste. In DOPE that same BASIC statement, just adding 1 and 1, comes out to "+'1'1'A". That's not very pretty, is it? Superficially, DOPE looks a lot more like assembly language than anything else. Most operations are a single character, each line can only perform a simple operation, argument lists are all of a fixed length. All the usual operations for math, assignment, loops, and printing are present, just in a consolidated form.

The other fun complication is the matter of single quotes. DOPE doesn't separate things with spaces, as near as I can tell this is due to its host hardware. Other languages used on the LGP-30 computer follow the same convention. I think it was just one of those functional restrictions that made life a little harder at Dartmouth. Better hardware was available on campus when BASIC was developed, so it escaped that fate.

Appearances aside, there is something deeper going on with DOPE. Variables are the bread and butter of any programming language, it's where you store and manipulate data. It's also another place where DOPE directly presages BASIC. DOPE has a very special kind of typing system. It's almost implicit, but only slightly.

Every variable is a floating point number, that's a number with a decimal point. Adding a little complication, DOPE has four special variables named E, F, G, and H. These are 16 element arrays, lists that can hold up to 16 numbers. When you work with DOPE you just have to remember that these four variables are different.

There are also no strings in DOPE, you can't store or manipulate words or letters. Nearly every other programming language can handle strings in some way, so this restriction is pretty noticeable. DOPE was only ever meant for mathematical work so lacking strings isn't a total dealbreaker.

There is a little bit of subtlety here that I find intriguing. All variables are stored as floats, so any number you enter is converted. Set a variable to 1 and DOPE turns that into 1.000. When you print a variable DOPE figures out the most reasonable format and displays that. So if the float doesn't have anything past the decimal place it shows up without the decimal. To a more serious programmer this should sound like a nightmare. DOPE takes away any control over data types by just not having data types. Programmers don't like giving up control, this was especially true during the era DOPE was developed.

Image: Marcin Wichary/Wikimedia Commons

This language wasn't meant for programmers. It was meant for english students who didn't know the difference between an integer 1 and a floating point 1. It was designed for political science majors who had never seen a computer before. The bizarre typing system in DOPE meant you could teach programming without teaching about data types. Instead of having to explain the subtle differences between 1.0 and 1 a teacher can just cut to the chase. To the uninitiated these rules don't make that much sense, so just drop them. What you get is a much more gentle introduction to computers.

It may come as a surprise for BASIC users, but early versions of the language had a very similar typing system. In v1 of Dartmouth BASIC every variable was stored as a float, with smart formatting for input and output. Strings came in subsequent versions. But there is a key difference, and it comes in the form of arrays. In BASIC an array is declared using the DIM operation. It tells the computer to make room for a new array, and gives that array a name. In early versions this changed a variable into a 10 element array of numbers. This is one of the areas where BASIC broke from DOPE, and I think in a good way.

DOPE reserved four variables as arrays. That works just fine, but it's clunky. Having to remember which letters are lists and which are numbers is annoying. It adds in a layer of illogical complexity. Why is E an array? Well, it just is. My educated guess is that E, F, G and H were hardcoded as arrays since those are common names for vectors in physics, but that's just a shot in the dark. For a newcomer it's just an arbitrary rule. Kemeny and Kurtz were right to ditch this one.

The last part of DOPE that bears mentioning is also one of the key parts of BASIC: line numbers. Anyone who knows BASIC, or has seen BASIC, will be familiar with this syntax. Each line has a number that doubles as a label and a way to edit your program. With line numbers being explicitly defined a programmer gets to name each part of their code. DOPE also uses line numbers, but in a more limited way. Each line has an implicit number, you start at 1 and go up to 99.

You don't have control over DOPE's line numbers, but each number does have it's own label. These aren't just superficial, line numbers in DOPE are what makes it into a fully fledged programming language. The much-maligned GOTO statement exists in this earlier language, just by another name. GOTO tells BASIC to jump execution to a specific line number. It's a simple way to handle flow control of a program, but there are often better options. Many programmers dislike GOTO for that reason alone, but the statement can also make code hard to read and debug. You can't instantly tell what "GOTO 11" means unless you know what is waiting for you on line 11.

In DOPE the "T" operation lets you jump TO a given line number. Once again, this is the kind of feature programmer's don't really like. GOTO, and by lineage T, has been called a danger to programmers everywhere. It can be unsafe to overuse, if code changes a stray GOTO can jump into the unknown. For large programs jumping by line number gets weird, but that's an issue for programmers.

For the novice jumping by number is simple and understandable. You don't need extra code to add labels. Since most new programmers aren't writing massive and intricate programs a lot of the dangers of GOTO disappear. Conditionals work in a similar way in DOPE, specifying line numbers to jump to dependent on a comparison. Again, in line with early versions of BASIC. And again, kept as simple as possible.

The only outlier here are loops. One of the parts of BASIC that always struck me as strange is how it handles FOR loops. In general loops are how you repeat operations in a program. If you want to do something over and over again you use a loop. BASIC's specific flavor of loop is the FOR loop. As in, do something FOR values of X from 1 to 10.

Most flow control in BASIC is handled using line numbers. Some later versions allow if statements to contain expressions but Dartmouth BASIC only allows for conditional jumps. Loops are different, a FOR loop in BASIC encloses a block of code, ending in a NEXT. Once again this quirk is straight from DOPE, loops enclose a chunk of code to run and rerun until complete.

However, DOPE loops have their downsides. And really, this gets into the problems I ran into with DOPE. Kemeny was right to say the language was too simple, and loops are a perfect example. Really, loops have been something of a thorn in my side during my journey. On the interpreter side that means extra code. Executing code by block instead of line number means loops have to be handled a little differently than anything else in the language. When I was actually able to get DOPE code running loops remained annoying because they only go one way. Loops in DOPE can only increment, and only in steps of 1. Fine. It's a loop. It's the most basic loop possible. It works, but it's very restrictive. Something as simple as a countdown takes a little extra code to achieve.

The total lack of strings also restricts what you can do with DOPE. There are operations to output strings, sort of. One operation lets you print a newline character, and another outputs a string literal. This can be used to format and label your outputs, but without variable strings you can't write very flashy code. I can write the classic "Hello World," but you won't be seeing any games in DOPE. Luckily BASIC would include strings after a fashion.

DOPE's Legacy

What I've found is that DOPE works well for math and not much else. Calculating tables of values is straightforward. Running a loop to figure lists of roots or squares is easy. I've even been able to tackle larger equations in DOPE, so far the most complicated thing I've written is a program that approximates pi. There's a certain zen to converting equations into simple operations, that is if you have some patience. Straying from simple math turns into a struggle. I keep trying to make a number guessing game but running into the wall of random number generation.

This restriction to simple math isn't necessarily a bad thing. The language was developed by mathematicians as a way to introduce complete novices to computing. It's not fully general purpose, true, but that's not important. DOPE isn't the kind of language you could stick with for a career, it was never intended to be. It's just enough to show students what a computer is, what kinds of problems a computer can solve, and how a programmer might solve them.

So why haven't more people heard about DOPE? Is it just a failed language? I don't think so. DOPE has remained hidden because it was successful. The E stands for experiment after all, and after a single class at Dartmouth the experiment had ran its course. The ideas in DOPE worked well enough for Kemeny and Kurtz to continue their line of research. BASIC is the direct result of DOPE's success. The reason BASIC worked so well in classrooms and on early home systems was because it was simple. The language was easy to learn, easy to implement, and easy to understand. DOPE itself didn't last, but the core concept was sound enough to birth BASIC.

Tracking Down DOPE, the First Computer Language for Normal Humans syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

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twilightvolt · 7 years

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A 3 month late art summary featuring art that i haven’t uploaded here due to my absence. unless i randomly feel like it, i don’t think i’m gonna go back and upload them here. if you wanna see them, though, they’re all on my DA.

I know i've pretty much said all the important bits in A Sacrifice for the Wind, but i figure i reiterate everything said along with expanding upon everything that occurred during 2017. piece by piece. and yes, i did intend to make an art joke. So, to get it outta the way, 2017 stunk more than a dead fish on a city bus. i lost a lot during that year. i lost the will to believe in whatever the future had in store for me, i almost lost a few friends, i lost my motivation to work on my projects and above all...i lost the smile i've always kept on every year before that. never have i been so emotionally damaged in all 5 years of my artist life leading up to this point. But, i can't say it was completely terrible. as much as i bashed it, art wise, 2017 was a very progressive year. looking at every wedge on the clock, i can't stop staring at how far i've come since the end of 2016. after being stripped of my tablet at the end, i've even learned how to not be afraid of making permanent mistakes. But yeah, let's begin. by turning the clock all the way back to January. when things were much simpler.... January: Hukaro Nakawa ~Final Mix Yeah, this was done in October, but i uploaded it in January for Moon's birthday. plus, there was nothing noteworthy this month. i still remember all the nice comments i got. this was the beginning of a year that i ran right in and yelled "LET'S SHOW THIS WORLD THAT WE WON'T STAND FOR ANOTHER 2016!" Oh how naive i was... February: The Beast Inside Remember when i played a lot of League in my free time? i sure do. anyway, this was my next attempt after Hukaro to continue doing my "Squeenix Cinematic Style." this time on the, at the time, new revamp for Warwick. needless to say, i still think i did a better job on Hukaro. BUT, this was still pretty good. it was during these first few months when things were really lookin' up for me. i was continually working on things cuz i really wanted to make something and school was pretty cool too. March: Digimon ZX Cover ZX ISN'T DEAD I SWEAR! *ahem* I MEAN....hai. owo As we march on into March, i think R2 of Digimon Temporal Jump was going on at the time. we were going through our story entries and things were pretty great being with my best buds. i also began doing art streams i'm pretty sure, with this drawing in particular being done during two days of streaming. i'm being serious, by the way. ZX is not dead. i've been typing up the story on my phone, so look forward to those chapters sometime soon! April: Are You Ready? Yup. in anticipation for Digidestined.Com, i decided to start seriously developing Digimon Unchained ahead of time so people would be able to get to know Yuki beforehand. unfortunately, i didn't actually get to start the story until much later, but that was just me being a lazy bum. i was hangin' out on Discord and stuff, talking about how excited i was for what was to come. we all know what happened, but at the time, being able to go back to the world i once knew with Luneth was a big deal for me. it's like i was going back to the beginning. And fear not, peeps! i've been working on Unchained for quite awhile. you'd be surprised how much i've worked on it with Gao. ^w^ May: Bits n' Bytes Ultima Vocal Collection Oh yeah, i did a birthday gift for Fire too! just so you know, i do still wanna make OSTs for my other Digimon adventures, but without my tablet i can't really do them right now. this month was pretty alright if i remember. making new friends and strengthening bonds with old friends. things were pretty fun in the sun cuz y'know......summer was coming. June: Connection Flow in Ice and Snow AWWW YEEEAAAAH, LET'S KICK IT!!! *Another Way by Girugamesh plays at full blast* (if .Com had a vocal OST, that would be opening.....3 if i remember the list i made. would've been the final opening i think. it's been awhile since i looked at the files.) Now that .Com finally began, i was on the hype train to the sun as i feverishly worked hard on my .Com stuff. this poster was one of my proudest works this year tbh. i promised i would make something great outta this story. this would be the closure that Luneth and Vivi so desperately needed, and Yuki and Arcus would be the ones to save them and close their book for good. not only that, but i was also graduating high school. after throwing my cap in the air, i said my heartfelt goodbyes to all the friends i've known since elementary and middle school including the close friends in my AP Art Squad. Team AP Art Will Never be Apart! honestly, things couldn't be any more exciting for me. Gee, it would be a shame if something were to happen that would trigger a chain of events that would divide my friends forever and send me down a spiraling pain train to the void known as crippling depression. July: DigiJuly Day 5: V-Mon (Vivi) This drawing was done to commemorate three years of adventures with Luneth and Vivi. this was during DigiJuly, when i was doing Digimon doodles nonstop for the duration of the month. What was once a hype train became a train wreck once July came around. things were ok until DTJ burned down in a raging fire and that set the stage for the rest of the year. i literally wouldn't be able to overcome any of this until November or so. i don't wanna dwell on it anymore since i'd be sounding like a broken record at this point. August: D3P: D-Sona 3 Portable Not a lot of art this month either. can you believe that? XD Hoo boy. August. need i say anything more about this month? we thought things settled down after DTJ shut down, but something was amiss.... This was the month that it happened. the climax of the story best left untold....even though i told it a hundred times already. >_>' Outside of the incident, time was running short for our stay at our current home and we were thinking of our next move. i began to worry about college as steep student debt caused us to have a change of plans on where to go. i was beginning to doubt if i even had a future to believe in. i was running out of options, and i was running out of hope. And trust me, it only gets worse from here. September: The Next Generation After awhile, things were still going on outside my realm of knowledge. it only made me feel worse seeing everything transpire long after the initial conflict. with this stigma hanging over me, i finally decided to pack my bags and leave the Digimon group era of my artist life. it was a pretty sour note to end it on, but let's be real here, there was no way i could wait any longer for things to get better. granted, my birthday was awesome, and i couldn't thank everyone enough for coming together to try to bring my spirit back. unfortunately, my bout with depression was just beginning. it was so bad, i pretty much stopped taking care of myself, which would lead to a few days ago when i'd end up with one less tooth in my mouth. i swear i won't let it get that bad again. With everything plummeting down to the dark abyss, i said goodbye to the life i once knew. from here on, things were about to change. i wasn't gonna end here. not now. October: Howling in the Shadows From this month forth, my family had no idea where we were going. the beginning of the tale of the borderline homeless that still continues to this day. Packing away my computer and drawing tablet for what feels like an eternity, i was moving out of my current home that we rented for the duration of my senior year and into grandma's house......in a raging storm. i'm not kidding. the rain was so bad that when we got there, our clothes were completely soaked and we couldn't even see 5 feet ahead of us outside that night. i knew immediately that it was some sort of ill omen for what was to transpire in the coming months. in fact, i even had dreams of the aftermath of what might happen. Now that i was stripped of my digital art abilities, i had to think of something else to do. so, i decided to dedicate myself to going back to traditional art. Boy, did i have fun. November: Return to the Realm of Sleep Now, this was the only thing i was able to crank out in November. BUT, that doesn't mean i didn't draw. i drew stuff, but nothing noteworthy enough to upload here. i'm gonna tell it to you straight now. Arcus will return. With my mental health still kicking me in the butt (it hit me so hard i had a panic attack one day.), i wasn't really motivated to draw much. in fact, i even hid myself away from the internet for quite awhile. without my friends or my sense of purpose, i felt like i had nothing and i was pretty under the weather for a majority of this month. that being said, i snapped myself out of it by force. it was stupid that i still felt the way i did months after what happened. sure, it was horrible, and i wish i could forget everything. but i can't stay stuck in the past. And so, i picked up my colored pencils and other such tools, and began my journey to recovery. December: Lexicon (Lex) and A Sacrifice for the Wind I got the hang of drawing traditionally pretty quickly. throughout the month, i was on fire, drawing masterstroke after masterstroke. (at least, in my opinion. XD) Making my new home in the mobile communities of Amino, it was a nice change of pace from the big screen of my computer. i made a bunch of new friends (to the staff of the Aminos i'm in and the rest of the crew in our Digimon Discord server, you guys are the best and thank you for healing the pain of yesteryear!) and had a grand old time making new OCs, Lex being one of them. i honestly luv Appmon and i wish we got more, but i'm content with what we got tbh. it'll live on in Seikatsu and his friends. be ready to see them once again in the near future! And so, in the wake of destruction as the world continues to change around me, i chopped off my signature anime emo locks, revamped my wardrobe and set my sights toward the future. Nowadays, i've completely moved on from the pain, but that doesn't change the fact that it still happened. overall, 2017 was a complete pile of poopoo garbage and i'm glad the nightmare is finally over. Even if i can't completely write it off as bad, there's just way too many negatives that weigh down the rest of the year for me personally. it's March now and things are pretty hectic, but i've got newfound courage and i know this year will be better than the last. time for me to get back up and charge forth to a better tomorrow!

#digital art #traditional art #summary of art #2017 summary of art #i'm still proud of all the ones featured here #now updated to show the full story from the DA version

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socialjusticeartshare · 4 years

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First She Was Separated From Her Family, Now She’s Separated From School

A refugee child, once separated from her mother at the border by Trump, now struggles with online school.

Every weekday morning, a 12-year-old refugee named Génnezys logs into her seventh grade online classroom. She sits at a tiny table in a corner of her cluttered living room. Before logging in, she tapes her phone to a chair and dials my number on FaceTime. Once we’re connected, I peer into the screen of a laptop lent to her by her public middle school. For hours, I observe coronavirus pandemic-era education for Génnezys and about 20 other children of multiple races, nationalities, and economic circumstances. What I see is both heroic and tragic.

Génnezys is one of the thousands of immigrant children who were torn from their parents in 2018 by the Trump administration’s “zero tolerance” family separation policy at the U.S.-Mexico border. I wrote about the desperate efforts of Cruz, her incarcerated mother, to find her 10-year-old daughter. They were reunited after about six weeks. Cruz later borrowed $6,000 from a friend for a coyote to smuggle her three-year-old daughter into the U.S. The child was detained for a few days then released to Cruz.

I asked Génnezys to invent a pseudonym to protect her family from U.S. government reprisal, and she came up with a fanciful one based on the Spanish pronunciation — HEH-neh-sees — of the first book in the Old Testament.

Today the family resides in a small Southern city. Cruz works as a janitor, earning a bit less than $10 an hour. They live in a small apartment with one bedroom, which Cruz and the girls share with her boyfriend. He is also an immigrant, and he pays half the rent. He’s employed in construction, and he leaves for work very early in the morning. Cruz goes to work after taking her four-year-old daughter, whom I’ll call Bety, by bus to a daycare center. With school strictly online now because of Covid-19, Génnezys stays in the apartment all by herself from 7:30 a.m. to 5 p.m., often supervising an 8-year-old girl who has her own school computer with headphones. This child’s Latina immigrant mother works, too, so Génnezys acts as babysitter. Before online school started in September, she worried intensely that being without an adult in the home would be lonely and scary. I live hundreds of miles away, so I volunteered to sit with her via FaceTime. She says that she feels much better when I’m with her.

During the first two days of remote school, the teachers, all young or middle-aged white women, cycled though a dither of confusion and kind but mostly fruitless efforts to actually see and hear their students. One problem was that the online platforms were glitchy. The class links often crashed, leaving the students, including Génnezys, with blank screens. But by week’s end, the kinks were worked out — yet the students remained silent phantoms.

“Know that I see you. I hear you. I’m with you,” one young teacher intoned to the kids right after introducing herself. They had names like Hassan, Rasheeda, Yennifer, and Travis. “Black Lives Matter,” the teacher added. She was met by silence from her new students, and she could not see their reactions either. She asked them to turn on their mics and cameras, but getting them to comply was harder than pulling their teeth. “What did you do all summer? How did you deal with Covid? Talk about your family!”

A boy with an Arabic name turned on his mic just long enough to say that he had a baby sister. Indeed, the loud wailing of an infant could be heard. The teacher skipped a beat, then the boy’s mic went dead. No other students turned on their microphones. Not even Génnezys, who had earlier proved she was not shy. When the teacher mispronounced her name on the first day of school, Génnezys politely but firmly corrected her. She is a brilliant girl who knew no English whatsoever two years ago yet speaks it almost perfectly now, and who scrolls through the internet on her own initiative for details about the accident that crippled Frida Kahlo.

Though she has defended her name and sometimes has been the only student to answer her teachers’ questions about math, Génnezys remains strenuously silent about most of the details of her life. The family all got sick in late May, with many days of fever, coughing, muscle aches, nausea, dizziness, and diarrhea, as well as loss of appetite, taste, and smell. They recovered, but Cruz is suffering now from hair loss — a condition just recently recognized as a complication of Covid-19.

When Cruz got sick, she was employed in housekeeping at an upscale chain hotel. She said she fell ill after being ordered to enter and clean a room occupied by a woman who was coughing. She was not given PPE for the job.

Cruz estimates that in her building complex of a few dozen apartments, about 20 other people came down with Covid-19. “No one died, but some were carried off to hospitals in ambulances,” she said, adding that all were immigrants from Latin America.

Latinos comprise fewer than one in five residents in the county. But they make up about half of the people in Cruz’s census tract, while just across a main thoroughfare almost everyone is white and owns a house. In Cruz’s tract, many of the Latinos live in cramped little rental apartments.

During the outbreak and their own illnesses, Cruz and her children were never tested for Covid-19. Nor did she contact me, though she instructed her preteen daughter to call me for help if she took a turn for the worse. The family just stuck it out, but Cruz was fired by the hotel because of her sickness and missed work. She got the janitorial job just as soon as she felt better. She couldn’t self-quarantine: She had rent to pay, kids to feed. None of this is something Génnezys wants to talk about in online seventh grade.

She doesn’t turn on her camera either.

It’s hard to know exactly why the students as a group refuse to show themselves to their teachers or to each other. Middle school is the empire of peer pressure — pressure not to stand out, even in normal times, when rows of children are looking at and breathing with each other, along with a teacher in a real room. But the kids’ reluctance now seems at least partly due to how dispirited and disconnected their virtual classrooms feel. Génnesyz’s teachers practically stand on their heads coaxing interactions with the students, but the teachers’ energy seems TV-ish, abstract.

The kids are alone. They have no books. The only class that resembles normal school is math. As in times past, the teacher writes figures on a board and explains what they mean. The other classes are a mishmash of hyperactive YouTube science videos with men who speak too fast, and a woman with a white coat and test tubes performing experiments — work the students normally would be absorbed with in a classroom lab, but which they can only stare at now from afar, wall-eyed. An art class features hip-hop music, whose teaching intention is muddled, and digital choose-and-drag stickers and emojis. Strange, sci-fi cartoon people in Génnezys’s American History class purport to recount the high points of the antebellum human bondage, the Civil War, and the Black Codes. After that lesson, I asked Génnezys if she understood what a slave was. She still didn’t know — though she did remember the cartoon guy saying that a man named Frederick Douglass had been forcibly separated from his mother. She knew what that meant, from firsthand experience, but didn’t mention it in class. With me, she minimized her experience. She’d learned that Frederick Douglass was an infant when he was taken. “But, um, I was 10 when it happened,” she said. “I was a big kid, not a little kid.”

One teacher conducted a lesson about why students should participate in small- group, online “breakout” chat rooms. “Because they help us get to know each other?” said Génnezys, daring to speak.

“Very good! Thank you for that, Génnezys!” chimed the teacher, saying all the syllables correctly. Then she warned the students that they must use “appropriate language” in the chat rooms, and that their language was being watched.

This teacher also held a “correct answer” contest, with her pupils silently checking T’s and F’s on their screens. “True or false: If you fight at a school bus stop, you will be punished as severely as if you’d fought a school. True! Right, Brian! Brian gets a point! He’s pulling ahead of Corinne! Next question. True or false: If you touch the private body part of someone else at school, whether on purpose or by accident, you will be punished the same, either way. Yay, Corinne! She’s back in play!”

But there are no school bus stops now. There are no “someone else”s at school.

Génnezys has another reason not to turn on her camera: She is ashamed of her clothes. She fits a girl’s 14 now, but her wardrobe dates from a year ago, when she was size 10 and 12. Her shirts are too tight for her rapidly developing body. In the morning she puts on her mother’s dresses. They are several sizes too large.

Read Our Complete CoverageThe War on Immigrants

Cruz can’t afford to take her daughter shopping. She just lost another week of work, and wages, due to Covid-19. Two co-workers at her janitorial job tested positive and one is in the hospital. Because Cruz worked closely with both infected women, she was quarantined for 14 days. She had no proof that she had already contracted Covid-19. She had to stay home, along with Bety, who ran around the apartment laughing, yelling, and rifling Génnezys’s little desk while her sister tried to pay attention to online class.

An employee from the county health department came by to deliver some onions and pieces of fruit. Cruz finally got a negative test result but still had to finish the quarantine. Génnezys did not tell her teachers what was happening.

Génnezys also avoids the camera because of what Cruz calls “her obsession.” On the second day of school, a teacher asked, “What is your favorite thing to do?” Amid the mass silence, Génnezys activated her mic and bravely answered: “Play with slime,” she said.

“Slime?” said the teacher, nonplussed.

“Yeah. Slime.”

“Ah. OK. Yeah. Slime. Well, that sounds relaxing!”

“Yeah. It is.”

“Slime” is a faddish kid product that’s been around since the 1970s. Back then, it was valued by boys for its gross-out appeal. Now it’s prettier, smells nice, and is all the rage among preteen and teen girls. Many make it from a home recipe involving glue, borax, food coloring, and plastic beads from craft stores like Michael’s.

Génnezys was already into slime by age 10, back in Central America. Cruz’s partner there, an extremely violent man who was neither of the girls’ fathers, was terrorizing and assaulting Cruz and the children, threatening them with death. The girls witnessed the violence. Cruz made plans to hide Bety with her sister and flee to the U.S. with Génnezys. Meanwhile, Génnezys discovered slime. “In my country,” she remembered, “it was called moco,” which is Spanish for snot. She pushed it, pulled it, rolled and wrapped it, over and over and over. It calmed her, Cruz remembers.

After a grueling trip north, including a stay in a filthy, crowded stash house, things got worse at the border when the Trump administration took Génnezys from Cruz and shipped her 2,000 miles away to a child detention center. There, she was warehoused with mostly older Central American girls who’d come to the U.S. by themselves, pregnant or already with babies.

After spending six weeks with these young women, according to Cruz, 10-year-old Génnezys was using racy language and discussing sex. After she was reunited with her mother, she experienced night terrors and walked in her sleep for three months. She had three sessions with a psychologist. Then, said Cruz, “She entered a new phase of her life: adolescence,” and “she hardly talked about what happened.” Even so, Cruz added, “Two weeks ago, after Génnezys had an eye exam that showed a problem with one of her eyes, she mentioned to me that an older girl in the detention center hit her hard in that eye with a ball. That was two years ago. She’d never told me till now. Sometimes I worry about what’s in her head.”

Outside of her head is slime: jars and jars of it in all colors and textures, from shiny and glistening to rough and frothy. “I love YouTube slime videos,” Génnezys told me. The site has a plethora of young girls extolling their slime collections, as well productions with sexy women’s voices doing ASMR routines, and images of long, manicured fingernails digging languorously into the goo.

“I worry about it,” said Cruz. “It’s such a waste of money. But she would rather have slime, even, than clothes that fit her.”

If Génnezys were to activate her camera for her classmates and teachers, they might see her furiously and endlessly twisting, pulling, and punching her strange doughs as she fidgets at the computer and tries hard to do her schoolwork. A few months ago, Wired magazine interviewed a neuroscientist and psychologist who suggested that people might be gravitating toward slime during the Covid-19 crisis to simulate the feeling of touching actual people.

As a Central American refugee child, Génnezys has been traumatized by murderous violence, forced family separation, poverty, and plague. More and more, however, nonrefugee children in America are joining her in the grief and fear of being apart and alone. How many of these kids are scrunched over their own computers, secretly toying with slime?

“I don’t know,” Génnezys said when I asked her that question. “Maybe I’m the only one. Before the virus, I didn’t play with it in school because school was good. Now, I don’t think I could do school if I didn’t have slime. Without it I’d be dying.

“Dying of what?”

“Boredom.”

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#separated children #separated school #separated families

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