#op... your brain

[keferon]

Chapters 46 and 47 were…….oh my god

[autisticrosewilson]

Just saw someone get pissy because "people in Gotham would have PTSD from Red Hood killing their family members just for being criminals".

Are you fucking stupid? I'm not joking do you have a brain eating parasite lodged in your skull?

When he's written correctly he's explicitly only targeting the people at the top. The crime lords, people who lace their drugs, traffickers, rogues. He isn't just breaking the necks of random crooks. We're talking about a kid who grew up stealing to survive, whose father died doing crimes to provide for them.

To call Jason being compassionate for small scale criminals and not a trigger happy psycho "fanon" or a "headcanon" puts your literacy into question at best and makes you look like an asshole at worst, especially when you put it in the main tag and don't bother to put it in the "Anti Jason Todd" or "Jason Todd critical" or "Jason Todd salt" or even "Jason Todd bashing". See that collection of easily blockable tags so I don't have to see your utter fucking nonsense on my dash?

They also said they don't think Jason cares about crime prevention at all and was just an angsty teen rebelling. Like tell me you didn't even fucking read Under the Red Hood without telling me.

[jjameslily]

i lost it, but someone made a post recently about what if it had been lily on the staircase and james rushing baby harry upstairs and how it would have changed the trajectory of the story

and now i can’t stop thinking that voldemort would have still given lily the choice to get out of the way instead of killing her outright like he had james and her sacrifice possibly would have protected both james and harry and james would have to live in a world without the love of his life but oh my god harry would have grown up so loved and so protected by his father

and james would have made sure to tell harry at every opportunity just how beautiful and extraordinary his mother was and take him to out of the wizarding world often to make sure harry was connected to the part of his mother’s world that she fought so hard for. not only to provide harry the type of upbringing that lily had wished for, but also so that james could feel closer to her in small bookshops and neighborhood parks and flower stands of local farmer’s markets because even though she was gone, he would spend his whole life loving her and honoring her memory and waiting for the day he could meet her again

[dizziiedaikon]

Captain n Co-captain

[ariadne-mouse]

Please enjoy this highly scientific chart of the horny level of events as the Bell's Hells traversed the tunnel to the shard of Rau'shan. Note that while horniness and claustrophobia are not necessarily universal opposites, in this case there was an observed decrease in horniness as claustrophobic terror increased.

[zumek0]

this except it’s osamu miya, one of the top chefs in the country. you’re and up and coming foreign influencer and honestly have no idea just how big he is in japan. so when you both click while on a night out with mutual friends and then have the most life changing sex ever, he eventually realizes that his infatuation for you is bigger than the sins you commit against eggs every morning.

one time his brother made him hotcakes and he added a little too much vanilla to the mix. osamu proceeded to verbally degrade him to the point he didn’t even attempt to make hotcakes for the next two years.

[therobotmonster]

The Fae Thought He Had Her, but She's Had Lots of Practice

Actual Title: "On Foreign Soil."

The fae was having a grand old time with his latest toy. Mortals were easily befuddled with the magic of contract-and-courtesy. He'd taken pretty much all he could from the family: several names, the mother's attention, the son's concept of friendship... Even the life of the father.

He'd taken that one taking just the right moment of his time, the one where he moved just out of the oncoming car's path. That also took out the youngest daughter and making a new neverwas to lurk in the pockets of lost time around the home.

The tricks made him strong. The sense of betrayal and regret humans had when they realized how screwed they truly were was like honey: rich, sweet, and immune to spoilage. If anything, in the last sixty-some-odd years he'd been home the humans had gotten more petulant and even easier to trick.

It was a veritable buffet.

So when the eldest daughter returned home from college, he expected her to be easy pickings. The young were always foolish and prideful, and very often rude. They gave him so many opportunities.

So when she threw open the door, and stared at him with cold green eyes, he immediately laughed in delight. His face took on a distinctively 'David Bowiesq' aspect, a trick he found worked well the last time he'd been to the mortal lands.

"Oh, hello. May I have your name, lass?" He cooed in a cocky-yet-soothing voice.

"My name is Alex, and no." She said.

He raised a brow. She was canny, or at least half-canny. She knew enough to object to him taking it. Still, she had answered, and by the laws of the fae, the latter objection did not override the former offer.

So why wasn't he Alex now?

It was odd, but sometimes mortals were a little resistant to magic. He worried for a moment she was a skeptic, but she couldn't be. Her response meant she knew, or at least suspected, what he was. Moreover, he didn't feel the painful chill and sluggishness empiressence caused, nor the crushing weight of the explicable upon his bird-hollow bones.

No, she was just lucky, or was carrying an iron horseshoe, nothing he couldn't handle in his, or someone else's sleep.

"And what the fuck are you calling yourself, asshole?"

He blinked.

The impudence hit him like a slap. She'd just given him the opening to do anything he wanted, but the raw temerity of the insult, it's artless crudeness, it's utter lack of respect stunned him too much to enjoy it. His rage and petulance rushed into the hole left by his shock, and he sputtered.

"You rude little beast, you have no idea what you've brought upon yourself!"

He raised one pale hand, the flesh fading from it to leave nothing but blackened bone, and he pointed the index finger at her in a silent gesture. He let fly his curse. Not just any curse, but his, the one he had made for just such an occasion.

Alex stared at him. Arms crossed. Her hair was the color of the fae's own rage.

"What's the matter, cat got your brain?"

The fae's confidence wavered and the flesh returned to his hand.

"Where are the spiders?" He said. "There... there ought to be spiders! There should be spiders!"

She rolled her eyes.

"You broke the laws of courtesy and decorum! I can do as I please as a wronged noble! You should be spiders!"

"Whose laws?" It was Alex's turn to smile.

"Why, the only ones that matter, the laws of Faerie, as laid down by Oberon and Tita-"

"And Titsforbrains, yeah. I was five once and I can read. I know your dumb politics. Slight problem. Where are you now?"

"The mortal realm?"

"More specifically?"

"The Earth. The United States."

"Exactly." Alex smiled. "And while you might come the land of the platonic ideal of inbred nepobabies, in the United States of America, no law says I can't call a fuckface a fuckface. Fuckface."

The fae tried a different curse, yet Alex was not being twisted into any sort of goat, ironic or otherwise. "But, that doesn't matter! We're a higher form of being, our laws override yours."

"No they don't." Alex said with a confidence reserved for honey badgers and humans of age three. "Now undo all your bullshit and get out of my house."

"Nuh-uh!" The Fae's cocky smirk returned. With a flourish, he pulled out a deed. "It's my house, I got it off your mother, fair-and-square. She traded it for the heart your little brother so foolishly traded me. So you should get out of MY house."

"Contracts signed under duress are non-enforceable." She said in a bored, dismissive tone.

The Fae started to object, but the contract was already crumbling into dried daffodil petals in his hand. He tried to pretend this wasn't terrifying. Inexplicable happenings were supposed to be caused by him, not happen to him. "Are you a wizard?"

"Don't be stupid. I just know my rights." She said. "I'm betting you didn't disclose the full terms of the contracts either?"

The Fae shook his head, more from fear than as a response to the question. Of course he hadn't. If the mortals didn't do their due diligence and couldn't read Linear-B, that wasn't his fau-

The thirty years he stole from the youngest boy ripped themselves out of his body. A half dozen other deals began popping at the seams.

"How are you doing this?" He gasped.

"I'm not doing it. You are. You're idiot who runs on rules and laws who decided to come scam innocent people for your own profit and amusement."

"But it always worked before-" The Fae ran his mind through all his previous romps. Every single human had whined and begged about how unfair things were. Why was this one different?

He ran through those memories again. They were among his favorites so it was easy for him to see every detail. An old man trying to argue Fae law with him. A shepherd girl trying to use her own word games to trap him. A hippie saying almost the exact same words about non-enforceable contracts.

Almost.

He ran through the memories again and again. Always impressed or terrified or blinded by greed, the mortals always argued on his terms, always went back to his wording of the deal or contract, always appealed to the laws of his people and his own noble position.

None of them had ever argued jurisdiction. Once one of them had, it applied, not just now, not just to these toys, but retroactively, and, from how it felt, with interest.

"Oh." Was all the Fae could say.

"Yes. 'Oh.'" Alex smiled like the cat that ate the proverbial canary. "Children can't sign contracts, either, you know."

Everything the Fae had done to the boy snapped back at once. It felt like every seventh tendon in his body had been snipped simultaneously with tiny scissors.

"Nor can someone sign away the right to kill them to someone else, or sell themselves or others into slavery."

Alex's father reappeared in the living room, looking dazed. In his lap was Alex's youngest sister, now remembered by all present as a person that existed. The return of the father's moment was a minor loss, but there was one less neverwas in the Castle of Paradox, and the Baron would blame him for its unmaking.

"Also, names aren't transferable between people, nor are they the whole and sum of a person's identity in this country. The closest thing we have to that is a social security number. And if you steal one of those, well, identity theft is a crime here."

Mr. Baxter, Mrs. Baxter, Julie and Sam's lights all turned on at once, though they were still groggy and half-asleep and would be for hours to come.

A fortune in names, first, middle, last, with nicknames and pet-names and all between, all vanished from the Fae's purse. He could feel its lightness in his pocket.

The Fae turned on his heels. "I fear I must take my leave, so sorry for the inconvenience!"

He was halfway to the door. The impact on the back of his skull knocked him forward off his feet, sending him slamming into the polished wood floor. The projectile that laid him out bounced and landed by his head.

He'd been right about her having an iron horseshoe.

"You don't get to walk away." She said. He felt her steel-toed boot, soles made of entirely synthetic rubber and cleats of cold steel, press against the base of his spine. His hollow, bird-bone spine. "You don't get to fuck with people, say 'my bad' when you get caught, and run."

"Y-your law!" He gasped. He felt his bones cracking. He wanted to turn into something else but he couldn't focus. She was pressing down harder now, because she was half-kneeling. Her hand picked up the fallen horseshoe. "You have to let me go, or arrest me, turn me over to your police, right? You can't just murder me!"

"What are you?"

"I- I'm a Faerie of Arcadia, a sub-Prince of the House of-"

"So not a human. And not an animal." She kept him pinned.

"No!" He growled. Blood the color of an oil slick on the highway began to fill his mouth. The pain made him forget his fear for a moment, and he bared his true face, something between a bug, a wax store mannequin, and a pug-dog. "We-we're a higher form of life! Far beyond anything this miserable pile of dung you call a planet has to offer! You will pay for this impertinence the moment you break the law that holds me!"

"You're a lot of things. A bully, a pest, a liar. But you're not human. And you're not an animal. In fact, as far as the laws of this land are concerned, you aren't real."

Alex lifted her boot to kick him onto his back, then pinned him again.

"Th-then you can't kill me!" He laughs. "You can't kill something that's not real! You've trapped yourself! You'll have to let me go!"

"You haven't been to our 'pile of dung' in some time have you?" Alex asked. She nodded to a strange white book-shaped object that sat unopened, upright, next to the television, next to a pair of white and black crescent-moon shaped objects studded with small white and black buttons.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

--

Six hours later, a notification popped up on Alex's dorm room computer.

[racewinnerlandonorris]

“Who has the best heart?” “I got a 10/10 you didn’t.”

Bonus Oscar being done with Lando’s shit:

[autisticsastiel]

5.17 | 9.11

(screencaps from home of the nutty)

[sybilius]

Saw a post romanticizing anticipatory grief and I have to say anticipatory grief to me is the "making up a guy in my head to get mad at" of love narrative experiences. Have I and do I sometimes still do it? Absolutely. Have I ever, upon arriving at the actual grief due to the anticipated event, felt that anticipatory grief served me or was a good use of my time on earth? Uh. No.

[shaanks]

Random but do you have any Eustass Kid fics that you like? I struggle to find ones where he's not written like an asshole (nsfw is okay too btw!) I also like kidkiller/kidlaw or character study/coming of age type ones or modern au...just anything please<3

Oh man, okay!!! :"D I know tryin to find stories where he's not written as like some kind of abusive shithead is like. hard as fuck. I feel very lucky to have stumbled on the little Kid Enjoyers community that I have, and I'll try to give you some good recs. Just as a disclaimer, a lot of what I read and engage with tends to be like nsft stuff, so that's going to be a lot of what's on the list. Also there is the possibility for spoilers for the current arc, I'm not sure where you are in your one piece journey alsedkjfasld

Okay, so:

@quinloki : Has pretty much my favorite characterization set for Kid of all time. They write mostly smut and op x reader stuff in both shortform and longform formats, and have a variety of faves, so if you like their style and have faves other than Kid there's more stuff in there too. c:

Some of my fave pieces of theirs are shorter ones, so they're good starters, I'll link em here, here and here . (the links are gonna open to punks-never-die205, that's one of their sideblogs)

@swampstew : Writes STUNNING work both short and longform, absolutely loves Kid, and if you like her writing she has a huge backlog of stories both on her blog and on her wattpad. A++++ 10/10, she also runs a blog and is writing a longer series for Killer, KillerCook, which is SO splendid.

She also does headcanon lists, a TON of events, and x reader things, I'll link some starter ones here, here, and here. (the last one is to an anthology of short stories and drabbles on her wattpad that is a ton of fun)

@standfucker : good GRACIOUS me, okay listen. Standfucker does it all. A+++ Kid characterization. Hot, well-balanced, well-written stories. They write for a bunch of characters and also do like, multiple people in a pairing/scenario stuff, and it's all phenomenal.

First one is one of my personal favorites, which involves all the Kid Pirate officers here. This is also one of my fave pieces, you get Kid all to yourself in this one here.

@wyvernslovecake : If you'd like something a little more crew-oriented and a little less x reader smut oriented, PLEASE I am begging you look into their Kid Pirates and Cross Guild little drabble posts with their character Shriek (who is the cutest little bat mink on the Grand Line), and the named characters Gabriel and Gryphon who are [spoiler characters for current arc] and adopted by the Cross Guild. Everything they write (and draw!!) is so delightful and fun, it will brighten up your day by AT LEAST tenfold.

Here, here, and here are some good examples <3.

@eustasssimp : She has a lot of like shorter form x reader and headcanon posts, and write Kid like the gruff secret softie he is. <3

Some examples here, here, and here.

@cyborg-franky : Again, he has a truly prodigious backlog of writing, so if you enjoy his Kid stuff and have other faves, you could truly spend hours and days enjoying some excellently written fun stuff here.

here, here, and here are some examples.

**

I am absolutely certain I'm forgetting people lmfao, my working memory is very bad and I'm nursing a concussion, but hopefully this gives you at least a bit of a start!! Everyone listed, and really everyone in this little section of the community, is lovely, sweet, and wildly talented. There's a lot of friendly open sharing 'round these parts, and I hope you find somewhere to land and enjoy the big guy too. If none of these does it for you, or if you'd like additional recs, just let me know and we'll figure something out.

Thank you so much for your lovely ask!!

[hotvintagepoll]

Okay was anyone going to tell me that Peter Falk played Columbo (of tumblr fame) or was I just supposed to figure this out after seeing a t-shirt photoshopped onto an in-color photo of him when he was older???

(for real though, idk if it was the age difference between the poll photo and when he played Columbo, me missing a caption, the black-and-white photos vs in-color photos, or what, but I genuinely did not know that was who played Columbo until, like, 3 minutes ago)

so anyway,,

you’re the only one doing this poll right. keep on keeping on

[have-you-been-here]

A Queer Wedding, Earth

Submitted by Anonymous, drawing by OP

[r0semultiverse]

I’m so serious when I say that I hope that The Umbrella Academy comics have a more satisfactory ending & don’t have as much character assassination. ☂

[aq2003]

there's a quick secondhand account from part 2 of david tennant filmography video essay from OP's boyfriend saying david's performance as macbeth blows his hamlet out of the water and i don't know what kind of drugs his macbeth is on for that to even be possible because how is that possible. How . oh my god?

[bleaksqueak]

While i work I've been listening to an LP of the Telltale Walking Dead Games (the ones with clementine, I do not care about the others lmao). Ages ago when I played these I was well aware/amused that part of season 2 takes place in Parker's Crossroads/Parker's Run because I grew up right next to it and the detail stood out to me. But I never caught the line of "We'll head to parker's run. It's just up the road from here" until just right now. So I had a sort of "wait, where the fuck are they supposed to be right now?" (search)

ARE YOU SHITTING ME LMAO So by process of elimination, since it's the only city with anything even remotely resembling a large home supply store, that would mean they're in my literal hometown. My tiny hometown in the middle of nowhere that's never in anything that barely anyone knows of. How in the fuck lmao