#or at least i assume bc this shit.... yO. INTERESTING.

[conoscenze]

self-esteem // part two.

As the title says, this is a continuation of this post, in which are featured five out of the ten muses of this blog. (Number may grow in the future.) Not much else to say!

POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING FOR MENTIONS OF MENTAL ILLNESS, EMOTIONAL & MENTAL ABUSE, AND IN GENERAL COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF SELF-LOATHING. Nothing except the latter goes much in detail. Enjoy!

Fujunko, I’d say, has a very normal situation. While she did grow up bullied and isolated from others due to her family situation, she has always been a strong child because of her grandmother’s support. She thinks of herself as pretty okay, average even, and truth be told she lacks a proper conception and opinion of herself because she is always more focused on what she does, rather than who she is. Fujunko is modest and humble, and is aware of her faults and that she should fix them. The prospect of that doesn’t weigh for her, it instead fuels her determination further because she knows she’ll be an even better person once she might succeed. Perhaps the only thing she is a little self-conscious about is her sexuality, or more specifically the fact that she has always lived in an environment that is full of sexualization as well as other things related to sex. For example, not many people know she lives in Kabukicho because she is well aware of that district’s reputation. Along with that, even without having visitors coming over, she prepared a special spot where to hide her hentai manga and porn magazines. Fujunko is conscious of her sexuality and how active her libido is, and she’s not truly ashamed of it---perhaps it’s more of a situation where she would rather not risk looking like a complete pervert. Being degraded to just that would be greatly inconveniencing.

Min-Seo defines her self-worth based on others’ opinions. Ever since she was young, she has always been influenced by the judgement of others, the prime example being her own parents. Self-made people that base one’s worth through what they can achieve and how they can handle business: from the very start Min-Seo was expected to fit in that archetype as well, she was pampered and educated to retain that mindset much like her father and her mother. The moment Min-Seo decided to direct herself towards something less academic, but rather more artistic (cooking isn’t exactly seen as something material, in her family) they turned their backs on her. Maybe she could’ve been able to pass not too unscathed had they just done that. Instead they decided to stick their fingers and salt into the wounds, considering Min-Seo is not a hard read: it’s obvious how she constantly craves approval from others, no matter about what. Her parents were disappointed, and decided to make her understand to what extent they felt hurt. Victims of a crime she never committed in first place. She thinks that acting according to her own personality and morals is wrong in itself. A lot of times Min-Seo doubts her actions, questions her worth, wonders about her existence in itself. The weight that her parents’ expectations have on her back is far too much for her to handle without breaking. Min-Seo can persevere, but one thing is for sure: she will forever be scarred by her own lack of assertiveness. This is her conviction. The way she constantly puts herself down for every little thing may come across as attention-seeking, and it wouldn’t be wrong to think so. In a way, she is craving of attention and validation, even though she constantly denies so if directly asked. She wants to be looked at for who she is, but she is too scared to disappoint others in doing it. Thus, she is content with superficial reassurances and compliments---they satisfy, even if a little, her need for that bit of positivity while not digging in too deep. Because who likes a loser that’s constantly fretting over the future and her own identity?

Marzanna is another complex case, mostly due to the fact that her ego made, for the most part, an incredible shift. Its timeline can be divided very neatly: pre-Nev, the time previous to her “punishment”; and post-Nev, the time spent living in the human world with her reborn appearance, which she dons to this day. It wasn’t exactly a drastic change, as it came gradually with its own time, but the differences between before and after are rather striking. Impressive as they are quite scary. However, as a deity, Marzanna will always retain a sense of superiority. Obviously, pre-Nev she was much more cruel, merciless, violent---a goddess of Death and Winter true to her name. But going along with the myths, even then she possessed a very intricate personality due to her double-nature as a goddess of Harvest and Rebirth. You could say she played “both parts”, even if her nature was still prevalently more inclined to be the vicious Marzanna all humans worshipping her cult feared. That respect and terror in her regards constantly fuelled her ego and pride, hence why she rarely took kindly to those who critiqued her ways and manners (which were basically non-existent). After all the whereabouts in the Underworld, there was a change. Marzanna, the first time she came out of her “cocoon”, did not seem like Marzanna at all. Though it took her time to settle comfortably in her new body and her new life amongst humans, she managed to prove not only to Veles and Perun, but also to herself, that she was capable of being better. Of real emotions other than bitterness, anger, and spite. Marzanna became humble, she felt humble, and wanted to be kind to others without expecting anything in return. This doesn’t mean that she forgot who she was and what she did---Marzanna remembers everything very clearly. And, an important note, is that her “rebirth” did not erase the being she was before. Marzanna is gentle---but she still is prideful, she still can be fearsome, she, of her own will, can hurt others to her liking. The difference is that now her patience is much broader and more difficult to abuse of, seeing as she has learned how to properly control herself. If you bring into discussion the matter of self-worth, though, Marzanna will state with confidence that she doesn’t think of herself as neither too worthless, nor worthy. She is right in the middle. She would be telling the truth. There are certain things she is especially self-deprecating about, such as Jarilo and Vesna and her past wrongdoings, but they don’t feel so heavy that she needs to chastise herself because of them. Rather, she believes acknowledging them will help in avoiding further mistakes that may bring to those very same terrible choices. So, in short, Marzanna has decent self-esteem, and considers herself not exactly the best person, whilst not belittling her own efforts. She strongly believes in self-improvement, and despite not liking enjoying the memories about the things she has done and said, she doesn’t deny having acted upon them out of her own free will. While she is kind around humans, she still retains a bit of sense of condescending superiority, as perhaps remnant of her once-fiery pride. She’s not the kind to abuse of her nature, however, preferring to conceal it.

Annaliese is confident, it’s not difficult to tell. Although her past is rather bizarre---between neglectful, bigoted parents, a difficult life in the orphanage and a quite null life before the one in the convent---she seems to have come unscathed out of most of her experiences. In fact, one could even dare say that no matter how bad a thing could be, she will make the best of it and treasure the good part of her experience. Annaliese is a simple woman with a rather picky mind, because while she does not necessarily forget the horrible things said and done to her, they don’t affect her. They literally wash off as easily as rain. Is it in her nature to be so simply careless? Most’s insecurities (at least in the case of this blog) stem from the fear of other’s judgement and opinions, and they can augment following more events worth of a great shock or a trauma. For some reason, this does not apply to Annaliese---she has a stable view of herself, which is nor exceedingly high nor stratospherically low. It could be her airheadness playing a part as well, considering she’s not too aware of her own flaws and faults: but when met with confrontation about them, as long as it’s reasonable, she is willing to listen (hoping the other party will be kind enough as to explain properly what they mean). Annaliese considers hostile approaches annoying and useless to deal with, and perhaps this way of “shrugging them off” came with the stern teachings of the orphanage she grew up in, which was handled by the clergy. It is very stereotypical, and mostly true, for religious people to be obstinately stubborn about their beliefs. This could apply to Annaliese, who is outright unwilling to communicate with someone who is not able to take on a calmer attitude. Annaliese thinks of herself as decent, and doesn’t really take to mind her flaws nor her merits. She almost only acts on instinct, meaning she doesn’t use her head all that much. This means any ill judgement is typically rejected without batting an eye, and without giving thought to it---almost as if it was never heard in first place. This also means that if she feels unjustly attacked, she will act upon personal pride to try and defend herself.

Momoko is... complex. That, in itself, is not the correct word to describe her situation with self-esteem. Let’s start with the fact that Momoko has a very distorted view on many things, varying from common knowledge to specific psychological matters such as love, affection. She also has a very hard time dealing with what’s real and what’s not, as she constantly lives in a hazy and confused status that’s constantly oscillating between reality and hallucinations. It’s enough of an example to mention how her dreams, as described by her, almost exactly resemble her daily life. Sometimes, her brain---high on medications---creates hallucinations out of nowhere, be it auditory, sensory, or visual. Momoko lives her life constantly on edge because of this. To understand exactly why she ended up living in this perpetual state of uncertainty about what’s real and what not, you’d have to know what happened in her past. Considering that, as of now, it’s for the most part concealed and vague, we’ll try to explain without having to necessarily explore that specific aspect. As a first, Momoko thinks mostly two things about herself: “I’m a miserable piece of shit” and “But at least I’m better than the cockroaches”. She considers herself a despicable, lowly being, without a doubt. But at the same time she contradicts her own belief, by stating that she is superior in comparison to what she calls “cockroaches”. It’s a rather interesting paradox, as well as huge. She hates herself whilst not truly hating herself---confused as her own perception of reality is. Momoko judges others for anything simply because she can, and because she doesn’t feel the need to repress hostile and rude thoughts. It took her some time, and a lot of pressure from her medics, to understand that it’d be best if she kept comments to herself---but when she’s alone, or in a scarcely populated area, she doesn’t refrain from commenting under her breath any and all evil things she can think of. It’s efficient for distancing others from approaching her, is her conscious thought. Subconsciously, she is feeding her own ego, which is dramatically starving for some sort of validation. Momoko feeds her own self-esteem however she can, and since only anger runs through her veins, she will fuel her confidence with hatred towards others. Acting out based on her impulses and pleasures (such as hurting small living beings and being a disturbingly active member of the darknet community) doesn’t truly feed into this illusion of hers, it’s useful to fulfill a sense of utility. Momoko is conscious and makes use of her own intelligence, despite the fact that it doesn’t make her feel good about herself. Her own self-worth isn’t based on her skills. Then if her pride is based on her hatred towards others---the “cockroaches”, as she calls them (though it’s not exclusive to other people); what is her self-loathing based on? A very good question. The most clear-cut answer is her unveiled past, of course, and the events that occurred in her middle-school years. But since we cannot explore that part of her timeline yet, a possible answer could be... her self-consciousness. Momoko has never been particularly subject to bullying---nor to others’ judgement. In fact, while she was often picked on, she just as perpetually fought back with teeth and nails. Momoko always had a strong confidence regarding herself ever since she was a kid. So, one would be curious as to why she would grow up to resent herself to the point which she literally can reach starving points of two full days, one would be dying to understand what is pushing her to risk her (so far) untainted criminal record with all the illegal actions she follows on her own accord. Momoko is conscious of her actions. She knows what she does is horrible. And she doesn’t feel an ounce of guilt. Time and time again she’s bared strong self-fulfilled conviction in her own actions, and rarely does she feel like she is in the wrong. Even when presented with proof, it’s hard to convince her that she might be the one at fault. Then what is it? What is the cause of her self-hatred, if not aforementioned self-consciousness? Could it be something rooted in that so-mysterious event that caused her whole life to go downhill? Honestly? Momoko does not know. She hates herself---because she is human, that much is obvious. She doesn’t feel remorse when she acts vile, and that’s when she feels good about herself. Having emotions is the bane of her. She hates feeling. Perhaps this could be the reason. It’s her own nature as an emotional human being that she despises the most.

[obislittleone]

None Other Than You (Tadashi Hamada x Reader)

Lol so like I'm genuinely interested in what y'all have to say about this story and would like to know how y'all want it to end... pls lemme know bc i don't know how I want it to go lol

Series Summary: When tragedy strikes, and nothing can be done to stop it from happening, you often feel powerless entirely, however when it comes to picking up the pieces, you're able to have a say in the way things go.

Chapter Warnings: more flirty type crap, SMUT... unprotected crap guys (use ze glove when making da love) idek when I'ma have them get together rn it's just friends... oh amd yeah one use of the word 'shit,'

Part 9/?

I awoke wrapped in a strong, sweet embrace the morning after, and could feel steady fingers grazing through the strands of my hair. As I came more and more into consciousness, I also heard a consistent thumping beat right beneath my ear. Tadashi's heartbeat had soothed me to sleep last night, and awoke me this morning, and truth be told, I wouldn't want to wake up any other way again after this. That heartbeat steadily pounding in my ear kept all the bad thoughts away.

"Morning, sleeping beauty...." He trailed off while moving his hand down to softly stroke my bare arm. My tank top, -which was actually Tadashi's tank top- allowed easy access to the skin all the way up to my shoulder.

I didn't reply, I only snuggled further into him for the warmth he still possessed. He was warm, and comfy, and there was no way I was leaving his arms until I was good and ready to.

None of the plaguing questions that usually took over my brain activity were near present, and as long as I was caught up in the soft embrace of my best friend, inhaling his scent every few seconds, it would remain that way.

"I take it we're not leaving this bed for a while." He assumed, given that I was now fully awake and yet I made no move to get up and begin the day.

"Nope... we should just stay here all day." I suggested, hearing him chuckle as his chest heaved with the action beneath my head.

"I have to meet up with Hiro at five... and actually you should come too." This made me furrow my brows, what could be so important that we have to leave the comfort of this place for any reason today.

"Why do we have to?" I groaned, but managed to make it sound playful enough that he wouldn't think I was being a brat... which I totally was, to be completely honest.

"Well considering my only robotics project for years on end got lost in the void... I kind of have to rebuild him. Hiro's gonna help, and I may or may not need you to remake me those internal structural projectors, or at least write me up a new project file for them." He rambled.

"What happened to the one I made you?" I looked up at him with tired eyes, not quite understanding why he needed a new project file.

"After Baymax was finished I moved everything over to my hardrive so I could clean off my computer.... I probably just forgot to drag it over, but to be fair, your file isn't the only one missing." He reasoned, knowing that in the end I would give in. I always did. Whatever he needed, I would always supply. This little bastard, he knew he had me wrapped around his finger.

"Yeah, okay... fine, but not until five. What time is it now?"

He leaned his head over to look at the clock that was barely visible from the place on his bed.

"10:26." He responded while laying his head back down. I was still looking up at him, his brown eyes that were so tired in the morning. Up close they were stunning for the amber details in them shown through. He had beautiful eyes. Eyes that looked back at me in just as much awe as I held while gazing upon him.

I smiled a little bit, then dropped my chin to his chest, looking up still, but now through the thick layer of my eyelashes. If I wasn't so distracted at the time, maybe I would have seen how he practically melted into his bed when I did that.

A lighthearted laugh came from him before he shook his head smiling. That damn smile. Gorgeous...

"You're cute...." he said quietly, waiting for my cheeks to flush with the color red before he continued what he intended to say. "How about we go get food-"

"Nooo! I don't wanna leave the bed..." I whined, sounding more like a brat now that other things were suggested.

"You didn't let me finish. Let's go get food then come back to bed, we can watch movies on my laptop until it's time to leave." So maybe I was a bit hungry and maybe this sounded like a phenomenal idea.

"...okay." I simply agreed in one word. I was never not hungry, and Tadashi truly knew the way to my heart was with the little waffles Cass always made for downstairs in the café. "But you have to go get the food. I'll stay here and pick the movie."

"Alright then, you got yourself a deal." He said, awkwardly bringing his hand up to shake mine, but I laughed and shook it anyway.

"Go on then, peasant, bring the queen her waffles." I rolled off of him then pointed to the shade divider, which was still drawn from the previous evening.

"As you wish." He bowed before leaving.

I took the liberty of getting up and going to the bathroom, knowing I wouldn't want to wait to pee if we'd started watching movies. I also took a small bit of time to make myself more presentable. I wasn't sure what this crazy roller coaster of emotions I was being pulled along on, but it wouldn't hurt to look good incase he decided he was interested.

I went and jumped back into bed, pulling the sheets up over my head and trying to make it seem like I never left. I did put up quite a fit about it, so best he not know.

Tadashi took a while to come back with the food, which was strange. Maybe the the café was a bit busier this morning and aunt Cass was struggling to get all the orders fast enough. In that case, maybe I should go down to help. Just as I was about to leave the bed, the door opened. Tadashi came in holding a bag of food with a logo that didn't belong to the Lucky Cat. He read the confused expression on my face right away, and chuckled.

"Aunt Cass forgot to stock up on the ingredients for the waffles this week, these are from that place down the street" he said, setting down the bag and sitting next to me on the bed.

"You didn't have to go get me some... I would've been okay with something else." I felt bad for his trouble, but also flattered that he took the time to get me exactly what I wanted.

"Milady needed her waffles." He said with a smile while digging out the contents of the bag. I watched him with a smile on my face before he caught me staring. He didn't say anything, just held a smirk on his face as he continued to pull the contents from the bag.

"That's a lot of good food... get anything for yourself?" I joked, resulting in a nudge from his shoulder that knocked me back into his sheets in a fit of laughter.

"You know what, I was gone for like half an hour and you still never picked a movie like you said you would." He chastised, reaching over for his laptop and handing it over so that I could pick something to watch.

"What's your new password?" I asked, turning the screen to face him so he could type it in. He clicked the show password button and turned it back to face me but I was confused when I saw a bunch of random letters. "What's that supposed to be?"

He shrugged and handed me an open to-go box with my waffles. "It's yours and Hiro's names scrambled together."

I looked at the combination with a puzzled expression for a second longer before I figured it out. Mine and Hiro's names, except it alternated every other letter. It completely slipped my mind of what that probably meant. He must really think of me as a close person in his life.

I put on a movie called 'Some Like it Hot' for while we ate breakfast. It was an oldie hut a goodie, with one of my favorite vintage actresses of all time. Not to mention how funny and comical it was for a movie in it's time.

"Mm, haven't seen this one in a while." Tadashi said, his face stuffed with waffles as he spoke.

"Yeah, I missed it."

We finished eating around halfway through the movie, so we opted to instead snuggle back down under the covers for the remaining time.

There came a specific scene, where Marilyn Monroe's character came into the room too quickly, so her love interest who was also pretending to be a woman had to sit into a bathtub to avoid suspicion. When the other male actor came onto the screen, still in his clothes to appear as the other woman Daphne, the man stood out of the bathtub fully clothed with only a woman's hair and face. The scene was so simple and old fashioned, but made me laugh every time I watched it nonetheless.

My giggles echoed even into the next scene, and I had to try and quiet myself down for fear of disruption of the other viewer. Of course, little spurts here and there of my laughter would come out anyways. Once I got going it was hard to stop myself.

"You're cute when you so that." I heard a sweet voice in my ear, before I felt a kiss on top of my head.

We watched for several more minutes, and almost reached the climax of the movie, but then the screen stopped, and the spinning circle of death had come upon it.

"Aw man, right at the good part." I said, trying to refresh the page. The only thing that happened when I did that was stop the browser from working too. Soon the little dinosaur game popped up. I was tempted to just play for the heck of it, but then closed the laptop in defeat. "You might as well text Hiro and tell him we can come now... no point in spending the rest of our time trying to fix the wifi."

"Nah, I seem to remember agreeing to staying in bed till we had to leave." He brought up my words from when we first woke up this morning, and I smiled as I snuggled my blushing face into his chest.

"Well if you insist."

He pulled me so close, his arms wrapped so tightly around me I was afraid one wrong move could dislocate his shoulder. He was so gentle, so soft. He felt like a warm summer night that put butterflies in my stomach. He felt like the blanket I got for my fourth birthday that I still slept with sometimes to keep away nightmares. He felt like a memory that was so sweet I would never forget of it. He felt like the only home I'd ever known. My parents were better to me when I was a child, but when i reached the age of ten, everything was practically torture, and nothing I did could stop it. Even the first few months at SFIT, a place where I finally felt like I belonged, weren't wonderfully joyful as they should have been. The bullies that made me miserable until I would leave each day made for the worst afterschool scenarios.

It wasn't until Tadashi came along that I ever felt like things were going to be okay. He made me feel secure, and safe. He brought the greatest joy into my life, and made me feel like I could do anything. He made me a better person, one that wasn't tucked into a shell of a human being that just wanted to die. After the day I met him, I was always relieved, because as long as he stayed in my life, I knew that nothing could ever be that bad. I loved him with all my entire being, and even if he never felt the same, I would adore him till the day I die.

"C-can I try something with you?" He asked nervously. I had no idea what he was thinking, but whatever he wanted to do, he could.

"Of course." I spoke with such utter confidence. Confidence not in myself but in him.

"You don't know what it is yet..." he trailed off. He seemed a little tense, but why should he be? He knows I trust him.

"Doesn't matter. Whatever it is you want to do, do it." I spoke in a firm, nearly commanding tone, but still the choice was obviously his.

"Are you sure?" He pulled away from our sweet embrace, making me look him in the eye as we sat up.

"Positive"

He still was wearly on the confirmation I'd given, but he went on ahead to try whatever it was he wanted to do.

He pushed me back into the pillows by his headboard, pinning me down by interlacing our hands together, then pushing them down unto the mattress. He settled himself between my legs and leaned down to whisper in my ear.

"Tell me when to stop..." he then burrowed down into my neck as he pressed kisses there. They were hungry and quick, but still so gentle in a way that seemed only Tadashi was capable of.

"Dashi.." I breathed out, wanting to run my fingers through his hair, but not being able to because they were still pinned down om either side of my head.

He must have read my mind, for his hands left mine, running down my forearms before he used one arm to prop himself up and the other slithered under my waist.

My hands shot straight to the back of his head, threading my fingers through as he continued his ministrations on my skin. I got a small bit needy after a few moments, pulling him back and attaching my lips to his. He smirked against my mouth, and it didn't go unnoticed by me, but it was my turn to smirk when only a second later he licked my bottom lip, waiting for me to grant him access. I teased him a little bit, waiting until I'd decided he had enough. He knew what I was doing. He knew me.

He ground his hips into their place between my legs, getting me to emit a moan while opening my mouth. The sneaky little shit took advantage of that and granted himself access on his own.

The hand that sat beneath my waist had been toying with the hem of my shirt, and I knew he was practically begging me for permission, though he didn't want to actually ask me out loud. I broke apart for only a split second to answer him.

"Take it off." And then my mouth was back on his... at least until he broke apart to stare at me deep in the eye.

"You sure?" He put our passionate make out session on hold, making sure I was comfortable with all this.

I nodded a small nod, but my response time was quick, and he knew that I meant it.

He pulled the shirt off of me and tossed it to the floor, and after if was discarded, he looked more flustered than I did. I wasn't ever insecure about my body, for I knew that all bodies were beautiful no matter the shape or size, but with the way Tadashi looked down at me with a completely red face and a dropped jaw, I couldn't help but chuckle a little.

"Like what you see?" I joked, knowing that even in a moment of intimacy like this, I could still be myself and not have to change the mood for it to be nice.

"You have no idea." He dipped down and began trailing kisses along my chest. The way his mouth moved on my skin was heaven, and even though I had dreamt this very moment dozens of times, nothing felt like the real thing.

His kisses were airy, and light as a feather, but the impact they still made on me was insane. His hands roamed the now exposed parts of my body with the upmost respect and sensitivity to my comfort, though if he wanted I'd let him touch me anywhere. He could do anything he wanted to me right now. He had so much power in this moment and he had no idea. Maybe I shouldn't let him find out. I pushed him back just slightly, looking at how disheveled his hair looked, and how dark his eyes had turned. I yanked on the bottom of his shirt, getting his attention towards it.

"Take this off." I told him, not a shadow of doubt within my voice. I had no idea where this confident, commanding tone came from, but it was working.

Dashi lifted the shirt up over his head and let it fall to the floor in no time at all. He didn't have to be told twice.

I could only barely see his scars coming up over his shoulder on either side, and let my fingers dance over them softly when he came to lay back over me. His head dropped down by my ear again and the words that followed made me shiver in the best way possible.

"Tell me whatever you want, you'll always have it."

I grabbed his face and kissed him again, trying my best to roll my hips upwards into his.

All of this was very sloppy, and inexperienced, but neither of us had really known any better. We didn't care enough to pay attention to it either. We struggled only slightly to get the test of our clothes off and onto the floor to join the rest. It was a bit awkward, and a little strange for the position we were in, but it wasn't totally a mess. The worst part of all this was when he came back over me, both of us stripped down to nothing, buck ass nude, just waiting for the anticipated moment. Although I wasn't exactly sure what size was impressive, I did ay least know that even putting in bigger tampons hurt me. I couldn't help but let a face of fear flash over me, catching the boy's attention right away.

"Tell me to stop..." he reminded me of his earlier words, but I refused to quit now. As far as I was concerned, he was the love of my life, and I was so close to having in in a way no one had ever had him before. He was about to do the same with me, and the only thing holding either of us back was my consent to keep going.

I pulled him down and pressed a kiss to his lips before getting close to his ear.

"Just..... please be gentle with me." I knew my words were practically null and void, because literally everything he'd ever done with me was gentle, and perfect.

"I'll be slow, I promise." He said quietly, pressing his face to my neck and sucking a piece of skin to hopefully dull the pain.

As I felt him slide in, my senses suddenly were all only focused on one fact. The fact that I was being stretched open further than ever before, and it hurt. It hurt a lot.

My face scrunched up to show my discomfort, but I didn't dare say anything that would cause this to be over. It hurt, but I needed him more than anything right now.

"You okay?" He mumbled. He was barely able to get out words now, and I imagined as much pain ad I was in, it must have felt amazing for him. That's what I need to focus on. He's feeling good right now, and I'm the cause. With only that thought in my head, I was able to feel a sting of pleasure shoot through me. I hummed in response to his question before I decided I was ready to continue.

"Move." I said, trying my best to keep my breathing even, or at least enough to just get out that single word.

"I don't wanna hurt y-"

"I know... you can move, I'm okay."

He breathed in deeply before withdrawing himself from me and then slowly going back in. I swore my stomach began to clench as he continued to move. In and out, going slowly, never rushing anything. Nothing compared to the feeling I started to feel. Nothing compared to the sound he made in my ear when he started to go deeper. The grunt he let out when I had moaned his name softly was music to my ears.

His pace had increased, but he took his time to get from one speed to the other. He was still so gentle and slow, and for how good I already felt, it was fine just the way it was. He was so good at this, just like everything else he did. Everything came so naturally to him.

I started to feel a coil within my stomach, and as he increased his speed, the same coil was just begging to be released. My hips started twitching around, and I couldn't control myself any longer. Although the pleasure I felt was now immeasurable, my body was begging for release. I let it all go with a cry of his nickname, and then I felt myself clench around him. He didn't even last a second longer. He collapsed on top of me, breathing heavily, practically panting. We'd both worked up a thin layer of sweat on our bodies, which caused our skin to stick to one another's. Tadashi rolled his hips once or twice to help us both ride out any feeling that was still left in the wake of what we just did. His hands searched for mine, and they found them separately. One laced in his hair, and the other one tightly gripping the sheets for dear life. He laced out hands together, and held himself up the same way he had when this all started. He leaned down and pressed more soft kisses to my lips, but these were different. Although just as gentle as his earlier ones, these kisses were slow, and meaningful. They simply felt different.

"Just wanted to 'try something with me', huh?" My voice sounded so different from earlier, but it wasn't too strange, just different than normal.

"Yeah... I did." He admitted, straying from my joking vibe and turning into a more serious one. "I've never felt anything so good in my life."

"Feel free to try more things with me, I don't mind." I kissed him once more, thinking about how we still had hours to lay here together in this bed until we had to go meet up with Hiro.

A/n: just another reminder to drop into my asks or even the comment section lol tell me how this story should end bc i still don't know how it should

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@ladylizzieofdarbyshire @toomanydamfandoms @baba-yagas-sapphic-lover

[evanthefunky]

Some of the things that made me 🤌feel something✨ in Stranger Things s4 that definitely weren't supposed to: (kinda began to rant/ramble, but im funny so you should still read it)

- as a part of the "I watch everything with subtitles" gang, the amount of goofy description subtitles is bonkers. In a good way- i, too, would describe that sound as squelching, but that, like, implies wetness? Must one put "squelches wetly" ??? Also, the amount of "eldritch" as a descriptor. Jeez. You know you can say "weird", "sinister", or "ghastly", right? I mean, ok, sinister is used. But like yo. My favorite subtitle has been "eldritch thrumming".

- Henry/Vecna/One/Orderly's timeline. (More below cut)

I dont know how old we're assuming he is, since I haven't finished episode 9 (ITS TWO HOURS AND FUCKING 22 MINUTES THAT IS SO GODDAMN FUCKING ABSURD) so idk if there's been clarity but like. One looks not a day over 25 in 1983 which is when I assume El escapes the lab. But Jamie was probably 28-31 when filming the show, since he's 33, as of when I searched him last night. And Two looks MAAAAAYbe fuckn 17, more likely 14/15. So like. How old was Henry when he committed the murders, how old was he when he became One, how old was he when he became an orderly instead, how old was he when he became Vecna??? EXPLAIN TO ME.

- while I'm thinking about it. This . Is a goddamn. Television show. Right? I grew up in the golden days (everyone romanticized their childhood experiences, im no exception, yes this is a huge generalization and recognize for yourself if you agree with this and please just let me continue, im feeling cynical toward myself) where something called Television (or TV) shows had seasons of about 20 episodes at least, and each episode was anywhere between 20-45 minutes. And. It worked great. Sure, without commercials, you have to fill a whole half/full hour of content, but like. Tv shows these days... I dont remember the last one I watched that was from these days that was longer than 10 episodes, if it even reached that! If each fucking episode of ST had an outrageous budget of like 3something MILLION dollars....... don't u think u could. Chop it up a little bit. ? Each episode is literally already episodic. Plenty of places to cut and make a new episode. Is it because you're afraid of losing attention? Babes, i wouldn't have even watched the show if it hadn't been for an edit of the characters. Sure, maybe im in the minority. But like. God, this show is so fucking long. I've already watched 10 hrs of content for a TV show and you're asking me to spend 2:22 hrs more??????????? Bruh. Split that shit into at least 2 episodes. What.

- this is kinda at fandom, kinda at the d bros- I was led to believe Eddie was in this show waaaaay more than he actually is. He's. Hes barely in this show, and he's certainly not as interesting as im led to believe. Nor is Robin, but that's for another point. Well actually,

- the script does not do right by Robin and Eddie. I believe they are played by good actors! I have no reason to not believe that. Theyre putting their hearts into their jobs here, so props to Maya and Joe. But like. They have the weakest, most obviously quippy lines that simply aren't delivered well. Robin seems to be an afterthought even if a lot of her storyline is kinda spotlit. Honestly, thats the most well done part of her character, and I hate to say that, bc queer people are more than our love lifes or lack thereof! But the rest of her outside wanting to be with a girl is made to be this typical against the grain ~girl~ who doesn't like feminine clothes and can't walk in heels, etc. She feels like all the cliches of a typical anti-main girl and put lesbian on top as a cherry. It just feels weak and like a little over the top. To be clear, I'm not saying she shouldn't be a lesbian. Also, I understand that I wasn't around in the 80s, and I dont know what someone had to do to be obvious to other queers but not obvious to non-queers. But it feels like a disservice or not as well done as it could be. And Eddie... kinda has the same amalgamation of pile of labels. Metal head, dnd dm, guitarist, has charisma but will run at the first sign of danger, also a fan favorite of queer fans (possibly projecting). There's more to each of these characters, but it feels like they, with all this potential, max out the space theyre in and one of them (if theyre in the same scene) has to be chosen over the other. Its just a disservice. It really isn't even a surprise to me, as we close out episode 8, that Eddie doesn't matter ultimately to the story except to be a sacrifice. Theres not growth or development beyond him deciding to not run anymore. Joe's voice may be music, but the lines that seem most genuine to Eddie are improvised rather than written. Which is not !!!!! A!!!!! Good!!!! Sign!!! *sigh*. Anyway I think im done about them. They just feel like they take up as much space as they can and are still flat. They have lots of facets as interesting character with the potential to be more, but either the performances of the written script or the boundaries of it limit people I imagine could actually be pretty fucking good.

- maybe its because I never have, but like, my god, I dont care about the adults storyline. Since season 1, I have skipped nearly every scene for the adults, simply because I could not bother. Part of the reason I started s4 was for the actor of Anatov- I think this actor is neat and I've liked his other two characters I've seen (from Game of Thrones and Jack Ryan). So hearing that he was in s4 was cool, but since he's attached to Hopper's storyline, its hard to really give a shit. Also, his directing and line delivery hasn't been very great. His physical choices made... I feel like they are unrealistic? I just. I like him because I like the actor and I like that he isn't a total dick, but I also don't care to worry about Hopper's storyline, so I dont watch it much. When the stakes are low, I wish they weren't made out to be life or death when Hopper just needs to figure out his development without getting to do a lot of action, and you're golden, and dont need to watch any more. Sure, its neat, but I know that Hopper and Joyce and Murray are gonna be fine, so like.... whats the point. You're not making me care any more about these characters. Altho Murray is indeed funny as hell, God bless.

- I do love the music and score of this season. Its very in tuned with itself, it knows what stranger things sounds like. And so that remix of the Journey song at the end of episode 8 was 1000% a banger and so cool because already its a cinematic, iconic song, but then you mix it to fit better with your over-arching shows score and. God, it sounds so cool!!!!

- steve and Eddie's dynamic. Fandom does exaggerate their relationship a little bit, but not really in a way thats too far-reaching. I think, mostly, that the duffer bros were too scared or didn't even think to see it as queer, even if Joe was exuding charm from his pores and confirming with fans that he was being a little flirty. Now, of course, it may have partially been a lie to appease fans and audiences. But like also. I see where people are putting on their "I see gay" goggles. Maybe I pause the show too much to laugh or ramble frustratedly at the content, but its. Idk. Not really what I see.

Ultimately, I probably harmed my own viewing experience with my decision to see the show as like. Entertainment because its already bad, not really giving much room to be impressed or emotionally influenced. Or maybe I'm just feeling cynical today. Don't know. Either way, par for the course, im disappointed in a show I dont really care that much about. Is that more commentary on me, or culture saying "oh its popular you HAVE to watch it", or my falling into fomo or just wanting to watch something to feel anyrhing..... idk. Hopefully the finale is interesting. I'll probably watch most of it- even the adult storyline scenes.

But I dont have much hope or grace left for it.

[the-acid-pear]

I just can't get enough it seems, time to start the next Baki the Grappler book!

It seems that this one will take on the saga i saw on the anime (at least by the end) so that's exciting

Chapter 1

First off quality is SHIT lmao

Yesss i remember this. I still think that shit about everyone trembling is a lil... Mmmm bullshit.

Baki be like <:] but in a smug way

Look at Tokugawa my man

OH RIGHT HE LEFT THE TOURNAMENT WITH A CAST

This feels so random

Oh right the synchronicity shit

Baki is so -_- in this manga

Look at the old timer go

YEAH FR TOKUGAWA JUST BROUGHT EXPLOSIVES TO A SCHOOL FULL OF CHILDREN TO MAKE A SHITTY ANALOGY SHSHWKWGGE FREAK OLD MAN

Chapter 2

Ahegao

Epic grandpa

HO NICE

Mf really swam thru the Pacific ocean

Chapter 3

Huh i thought he was Scottish

This random guy was pretty interesting looking, the one executing Doyle

Fucked up shit how they still do this stuff

King, i can somehow still remember his voice in particular fsr

Also since no one reads this i will say it: Doyle does NOT look white ahagdbafhsdbc

I like that he didn't bother killing the doctor

Is that Strydum? 🥺👉👈

Chapter 4

Shagddjd i was going to say that, this dude could have easily taken a different path from violence

GAARN? MY MAN? MY BELOVED GARLAND? IS HE ALIVE STILL?!

FFS NOT FOR LONG HHH LOOK HOW THEY MASSACRED MY BOY...

I mean it's fair, Sirkosky uses weapons, but man, Garland... :'/

This all hits so different once you know the characters :]]]

Chapter 5

That pic is still so brutal

What an absolute troll shsshwgxgd

Also fun fact when i watched the anime i didn't pay much attention at first so I assumed the Russian was Spec (i didn't even know Sirkosky's name)

I love how that was unnecessary shagdhsr

ADAGDFAGAFAD this guy was also great

Spec was fucking insane man aggsggahsfg

I love he's full of tattoos

The absolutely king

OH RIGHT Spec is sus *laugh track*

Chapter 6

Oh hell yeah, grandpa's ex

Baki tf you doing there in the cover you madlad

...bottom storage.

THEY ARE SO MEAN LEAVE HIS SHORT ASS ALONE SHSGJSGS

He's my size btw

Was there a motive for him to be naked or was he just a freak btw?

I love the shape of his eyes ngl

I love how scared the guards are while he just calmly rambles

I don't wanna call yanagi my grandpa because i think yanagi can get it and it would be like calling him daddy but the Gilf™ is Dorian man life is so hard when you are me

I love Yanagi's face lol he's handsome

Chapter 7

Poor Baki lmao he just got better from the maximum tournament and now this

Lmao Baki has a point

Unnecessary, Doyle

Chapter 8

I love how they were recruiting dangerous mfs to beat up this random guy bc his vibes are fucked up

This guy looked a lot like jack

You gotta be brave to shove a knife that sharp into your pants

I love how Baki literally did nothing to em

Baki's face just looks wrong this isn't my beloved child

Imagine you are about to fight this mf and he just shoves his hand inside his pants

Chapter 9

This dude really looks like, fully japanese jack hanma

JWGWKEGWKSGE I LOVE HIM

I love how Spec just showed up dressed up as a fucking monk or something

Chapter 10

You guys know, Dorian reminds me of my now dead great grandfather, with the moustache look even more.

Not impressed, 15 yo Hanayama did the same when throwing a tantrum

He's so insane i luv him

Okay but look at the cut of that outfit look at how well it hugs his chest and waist but flows bellow... Spec my dude you could have been a mad good model 😐 he's even giving me gender envy! 🥺

I love how Baki used both his hands for the handshake

Chapter 11

Ho, speak of the devil, i was just talking of this fucker with Blood

Mf got so old

I like how there was no motive for him to be naked he literally is just Like That

Also it's from here that he got that wasp waist lmao

Mf just flexing at this point lmao

GRANDPA!! <3

Yanagi got cake

That's so unnecessary rude, obsessed. Also, as if you weren't old Yanagi. I see why they broke up now ;/

Chapter 12

11 and 12 are the same fsr

Chapter 13

I honestly wonder where these prisoners got their clothes, like, aside from Doyle that one time everyone else is never shown shopping or even owning money

Also i love the fact that on a daily basis i dress the same as Spec, that definitely says something bout me jagsjsgwhwfwg 😭

To be honest, considering the size of Spec's body, they should definitely feed him more

He didn't wash his hands 😢

Dick and balls too strong ajgshsgsg

I love how fucking, polite he is.

Oh i see, i thought he might have stolen a wallet or something but nah

Btw i genuinely don't remember shit JAGSKSGWJGS even if it watched the anime i forgot most of this

Chapter 14

GOD the way the anime butchered Katsumi, he's so handsome in the manga in comparison 😐

Also i like how they aren't explaining this like, Katsumi was the one who lost, did he wait until Retsu was okay to fight again in HIS ("") dojo?!

RETSU STOP DOING THESE SORT OF TRICKS THAT'S PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE AJDGSJSG

HE'S JUST BUILT DIFFERENT

Okay he actually explained, oddly nice of Retsu to accept tho

Hoho this scene hits different now that i know and like Katsumi

Also I'm not even gonna question where Doppo is, dude is never just around skdgksgd

Chapter 15

I love this genre of cover

WHITE BOY SJDGSJGSHS-

I love that retsu is just watching, he's still an asshole QJGSJSGWH

If i didn't know Katsumi I would say he died

I did actually think he had died when watching the anime

Retsu still has his thicc ass i see

Chapter 16

See all this makes sense now that i know retsu and the shit he has seen and been thru!

Angry lad, lucky his hair didn't burn

I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE HE EXTINGUISHED THE FIRE WITH HIS SCREAM

Chapter 17

Ahegao in the cover

I'm looking at the pages and I'm obsessed with Doppo being described as a "bold, badass karate master", it's so accurate <3

Also Igari being called eccentric, and the mention he defeated Mount Toba!! <3

Baki is slowly looking more like Baki

"my mother is dying"

Tasks keep failing successfully

Chapter 18

mAh boy...

That happens and it's the worst

Musashi you good boy 🥺

Chapter 19

Igari <33

That's insane

Chapter 20

I love that Igari looks legitimately worried and sad, not sweating tho

I love how he didn't have any serious damage until the punches like, okay.

Poor Igari tho

DID HE CHEW EM OFF OR SOMETHING? SHSHWGEGCH

Was anybody going to tell me is Sikorsky and not Sirkosky?

Also i love how legitimately scared Tokugawa is, probably more than when Yujiro picked him up

Chapter 21

The heights are so off in this saga

Oh my fucking god i didn't know Spec was 221

Either heights are all over the place or Yanagi is not 160

Either way HOW CAN YOU BE THAT SMALL? 🤣

GAFSFWEAD Tokugawa like "i own this place 😐"

Doyle is still the most decent one of the bunch

URSURSUTSUSTSRU

LOOK AT YANAGI DORIAN AND SIKORSKY ALREADY GETTING THEIR HANDS READY SBDGSHW

I googled how big Andreas from the tournament was and like, 2.40 😦

LET'S GOOOOO EVEN WITH A BEARD OMFG 😳😳😳

I see Hanayama descended into alcoholism after losing in the tournament. Also tf is with that bag? Was he hiking or something?

Jsgsjsgd Shibukawa is so excited too

I think this is chronically the first time Doppo appears with fully casual clothes, usually he either was in a suit or in his karate uniform

I'm straight up simping to the public now sgsjsgwhw

Chapter 22

LOOK AT THESE DUDES..... 💞

FUCK I WAS GONNA SAY THERE WERE MORE BAD THAN GOOD GUYS THEN LOOKED DOWN AND REALIZED THAT NO, SHIBUKAWA WAS JUST NEARLY OUT OF FRAME 😭

They all look so upset about that information

SIKORSKY NAME GOT SPELLED AS SILCOSKI...

Looking at them drives me insane i developed such a bond with all these fighters

I haven't seen Doppo this excited since last time his wife showed up

BAKI SWEARING?! 😰

How did Tokugawa grab Baki's shoulder?

ALSO WHY TF IS BAKI SO SURPRISED AS IF HE DIDNT GO AROUND BEATING UP PEOPLE WHEN HE WAS 13...

Don't worry Baki y'all will, Tokyo is not that big it seems

Shibukawa swearing 😨

"Imagine being mid but and Spec pulls up on you" "imagine having sex and she takes the mask and it's fucking Spec"

To be fair i would fuck a 2.21 muscular lady without going "hmmm this doesn't seem like a good idea..." in any moment

Chapter 23

I love how Dorian is just looking up

ACTUALLY ALL THEIR STANCES, Yanagi making dead eye contact with Gouki, Sikorsky with a firm pose just as Hanayama, Doyle with hiss chest up but eyes down giving a sense of pride, and, well, then there's Spec being Spec.

I like seeing Sikorsky having fun

I love Spec he played so smart SGSGSGS

😳 love wins!

Oh i had already forgotten about the dojo

Old man Dorian just has that effect on people

Threesome i see /j

He really was just fucking hiking i would love if they ever explained that ough 🥺

Did his facial hair just disappear?? STSGSFSD

BWHEKEGWJG THEY REALLY JUST FORGOT TO ADD IT FOR ONE PANEL IM OBSESSED

Such a good kick tho

The relationship these men can have is so oddly nice like not Doppo and Retsu specifically but all of the fighters in general. Like many of them barely know each other, but they all know their fighting styles and respect each other, plus have no reason to be in bad terms with one another and specially not now that they are all fighting for the same cause. It's just so nice to see em idk JAGSHS

Hey Igari.

Chapter 24

Thank God Doppo went <3 again it had been so long

Babe are you okay? You hadn't put a lil heart in your speech bubble for a while...

King really punched the fire

I will chose to believe that's true bc it's impressive ��

You know it's funny like, Katsumi is mad good but he doesn't has as much experience as his dad and that leaves him in disvantage

Hehe i remember that guy

The manga is so much better than the anime ffs

I love that he didn't even realize

Chapter 25

Manga i don't think that's science

Also Baki just chilling with some doves lmao

I'm looking thru old messages see how my og reaction to this was

Huh i found nothing, that's odd. Well my reaction would have probably been like NOOOOO anyway so, y'all can imagine it

You left my dilf handless you fucking asshole good thing he has a wife

Imagine this dude cuts your hand and then just flexes his knowledge about science or whatever

HSSGGSFS THEY FIXED THE NO BEARD ERROR

Illiterate king <3

A guy did this to me once btw!!! Obviously in way smaller scale but he just touched something and the bleeding soon stopped!!!!

Honestly that's the most huge dick energy thing Doppo has ever done

Pfff I'm starting to remember why i liked Doppo so much 🥴

Bitches confused over him running away, tf was he supposed to do? He played it smart since there are no rules

Though yeah an eye and NOW a hand, insane

Chapter 26

Sjshhdhsn tanuki?

Oh, fox, he was calling him slick

Manga is pretty faster than the anime

Chapter 27

Where's your honor, Igari...

He is right sadly enough 😔

Oh i keep forgetting Igari's nature, he was probably trying to pull his silly little tricks again

This is just brutal honestly

Hehe this time i didn't get scared ☺️

I like that at least I'm not the only one who needs their mind off the gutter

Chapter 28

Love seeing em datin <3

He's so aggressive accidentally i love these dorks sm 😍🥺💞

SPEC FFS SJGDHWGW

Chapter 29

SPEC FOR FUCKS SAKE SJSVSJWGSH

Hanayama is such a real bro man

I LOVE THAT HE WAS JUST STALKING BAKI TOO BTW SJDGJDGDHSBDGDGS

To think i will still love hanayama but for entirely different reasons 😌

Chapter 30

Kaoru looks different but idk how

What the fuck is Spec even saying?

The fact that that makes no sense, i still love it a lot tho.

ALSO I ADORE HOW QUIET HANAYAMA IS WHEN FIGHTING

Okay Spec really has a point it really is beautiful

GOD I'M STARTING TO UNDERSTAND THESE CHARACTERS TOO MUCH I NEED HELP AJDGSJSGSHS 😭

But it's beautiful in the sense like, look how built he is! Look at all those scars!!! It IS beautiful it's a masterpiece!!!!!!!

"i choose to believe this is how hanayama always undresses" KSHSKDGSJ THE AMOUNT OF SUITS THIS MAN DESTROYS.. OBSESSED

Though yeah Hanayama in general is also beautiful isn't he?

Chapter 31

I would sob man look at him. Look at Shiba.

NO ONE RISKS HIS LIFE MORE THAN SHIBA YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE I STILL HOLD A LOT OF RESPECT FOR HIM!

A BENCH...

I really don't get why he's letting himself get hit, is he just flexing?

I cannot way to see him do his Technique ™

Chapter 32

Manga is so much superior to the anime, like, i haven't complained about Spec even once bc he isn't annoying anyone, in the anime he was so infuriating!!

I love when they just steal their standing poses sjsgjssgsh

That distortion effect so good

Chapter 33

I still think it's weird they used humans and not machines, though it was effective

I love how Spec managed to punch that statue without calling the attention of much people that's impressive

And i love that he keeps saying man he sounds like me with bro

Hanayama my beloved

Chapter 34

Yeah I'm not reading all that 😐

Oh this explains the holes in his clothes

[paint-music-with-me]

Man, that ep tho 👀

Now I get why they made an emphasis in ep 5-6 (can't rmr which one) that Phu is blunt and straightforward. Cuz he gon pull this shit in ep8 😔 I'm super mad about his reaction... but at the same time tbh I get it? A slight big problem for me about it is that...how do I put this...the Action part of the story (Sakda's men and the Ghost Hill house) was shoved in too fast on top of his reaction? I mean, it's been growing ik but I guess what I'm trying to say is the scenes/transitions that lead to Phu doing his job (the guns, searching, planning with the other guards) felt very abrupt and out of sync. Emotionally, it felt like something he needed to do to avoid his feelings about Tian's reveal (cuz thats what we're assuming) rather than be another task that he must do and balance his emotions with his job. Does that make sense? I'm not saying he can't do both but visually...it felt off. Visually it felt like an avoidance rather than another thing on his plate that he has to focus on...

I guess where I'm going for is: maybe one transition scene could be that a guard (not Rang/Yod) comes in and tells Phu about new info about Sakda's men. Phu is still pissed abt Tian so he gets all "😤 lets get 'em boys". Maybe Rang/Yod tries to stop him (part of why I wish there was a scene where Yod hears Tian explain death to the kid at the school and maybe vouch for him) bc "yo bro don't u think you're getting too ahead of yourself?" And Phu is all "this is my job, protecting a village, not babysitting a teacher". At least here, there is the distinction or an indication of how he is understanding his feelings and his job. At least for me, anyway 👀

Also! this is purely my defensiveness coming out bc as an audience who is exposed to so much dramatic irony it hurts, ima call out Phu on him being that mad at Tian for LYING. That's the thing that gets me. He out here saying "oh Tian u lied I am disappointed in u" like bruh? Didn't u ask ur officers to lie to the villagers about Torfun's death?? And mind you, a lot LONGER than Tian, more than 7 months? Tian only came to the village 2 months after his surgery bc of PT. So explain that! -> though ofc he is probably projecting onto Tian bc of his own guilt that he didn't tell the villagers himself and so to have Tian do it with this heavy of importance attached to his involvement with Torfun, Phu's emotions rlly got the best of him....but still

Also that fucking pattern of "the 5 times Tian collapsed, and the one time Phu collapsed" like bruh I didn't need that thank yew bye 🤚🙃

Then as much as I'm happy Tian didn't kill Torfun by being the driver, I get where he's coming from with his guilt cuz he still asked his friend to drive the car. Though, what's up with Prem (the friend)? Is he good? Like he was the driver....is he in therapy?? Did he go on an adventure to a rural village where he learns how to cope with his guilt and learn self-forgiveness?

Also can we just appreciate the Best Boy, Longtae??? Like he rlly is Best Boy. Like his POV must be so wild, cuz he was only given one side of the story (not knowing Tian was involved in Torfun's death) and then when the village only got one side, he got both and now he's in a weird position to understand his feelings about all of it. Like imagine your good friend, who you did your best to empathize and understand then tells you something else, a little addition to the story he gave you that was already personal and scary for him to tell. And now you understand WHY it was hard to tell. Like goddamn. And still Longtae went to Tian to talk and understand further Like bro that's beautiful. That's some communication right there dude.

Omg, (Sorry I have so many thoughts hehe) can we also talk about the kid that SNEAKED out of her house to talk to Tian??? Like bruhh she did that!! Though I wish I got to Tian explain death to her, I think that would've been really interesting because of his own personal thoughts. He was so ready to die and then he gets to live because someone had to. I think from there, especially if Yod was there listening, maybe at least two people would start to get a look into how Tian really thinks about himself and the way he sees life. Damn, wish they did that (part of the argument for making Phu's transitions in his job and his feelings a lot better cuz Yod could maybe vouch for Tian idk 👀)

Omg how could I forget about the villagers?? So for me, I don't mind the villagers' reactions too much?? I guess it depends on how Tian specifically said what he said to them (I'm merely thinking of the language barrier cuz the way I interpret the translation could be different from how it actually is). Cuz yeah, I'm sure they have their questions: how did he "kill" her? What happened? Etc.

But the way I see is this: they are catching up on their grief. They are searching for a place in their heart to understand everything that was revealed. Like this dude came in from no where instead of the regular sweet girl that you've come to love and admire and he messes things up and does his best to fix things. He's a sweet knucklehead and you begin to love him too. Then he reveals that the reason why he is alive and in your village is because he was involved in the death ("killed" from the translations) of the sweet girl you've known for idk how many years, def longer than knowing him. And then add on to the fact that he's been staying there for MONTHS. It's a lot to process.

Tbh the best way to sum up their feelings was how that one woman put her hand in front of Tian's face and looked away from him as she passed Tian after putting down flowers. It was perfect because they need time. Emotions are so weird and not so easily one thing or another, especially grief. I'm making this point cuz I've noticed that some ppl have brought up concerns abt the villagers' reactions which is ofc valid. It IS weird how they're reacting, not asking questions, immediately ignoring him. But I would argue thats also a village mindset. I've been there, village people stick together and sometimes the vibe of a village can set the precedent of how they'll feel about a newcomer. So something this big and shocking? Yeah, they ain't gon wanna talk to Tian for a hot second.

Anyway, the ep was interesting 👀 in terms of pacing because the Action came at an odd angle once Tian's secret was revealed. (Omg I also didn't expect Phu to find out at the same time Tian was telling the villagers about his involvement with Torfun) But with the ending they gave, I AM VERY CONCERNED ABOUT HOW ALL THIS GON ADD UP??? LIKE WHAT ABOUT SAKDA'S MEN??? WHAT ABOUT THE SMUGGLING?? WHAT ABOUT PHU??? WHAT IS TIAN'S DAD GON DO??? WILL PHU WAKE UP??? WILL TIAN LEARN TO FORGIVE HIMSELF?!??! WILL HE BE ABLE TO COUNT 1000 STARS!!?

[glittercracker]

Kingkiller Crap

So, I’ve never really posted much here that involves my own thoughts. There are a number of reasons why, but whatever. I feel the need NOW to post some thoughts, and having no working independent blog (yet!) I suppose this is the place to dump them. PSA: none of this is about anime. None of this is frivolous or fun. TW for sexual abuse. You have been warned! So. I’ve been rereading the Kingkiller Chronicles. aka “Name of the Wind” and “The Wise Man’s Fear” and “That Other One That Shall Not Be Named.” This reread was, at the beginning, almost an afterthought. A way to keep my 13 yo happy on a 7 hour car ride. Except, he could not have cared less, and I got sucked back into the story (and okay, if that is how all our audiobook car rides go, meh? At least it keeps me sharp!) I raced through book one, and bought book 2 on audible with an eye to my upcoming surgery and recooperation. Book one was problematic in the places I remembered, but also as generally engaging as I remembered. And then book 2 happened, and surgery happened, and I have had weeks to lie in bed listening to this bloody interminable sequel, and I find myself lost in a morass of, “WTF was I ever THINKING?” Namely, how did I ever love this book enough to pine for the next? It’s been hard to put a finger on exactly what is making this time through book 2 both a slog and also vaguely, creepily uncomfortable, but if you’re interested, my rather stream-of-consciousness ramble of thoughts ensues. First, the male gaze that rears its head at times in book 1 predominates here. But while I don’t love the way Kvothe describes women, I also have 2 degrees in literature, and I’m beyond that being a reason not to read an otherwise engaging book. Second, Kvothe is a Gary Stu, for all of Rothfuss’s protestations to the contrary. Again, so far, so much traditional high fantasy. But while, say, Aragorn is content to just quietly be Awesome At Everything, Kvothe is a braggy little shit of a Gary Stu: the person you hated for announcing their perfect scores in that hs class you could never quite master. I could fill several pages with examples, but for some reason what really made me want to kick him in the head was not Felurian’s disbelief of his virginity (though really, jfc, REALLY?) Nope, it was the end of his time w the Ademrae (sp may be off, remember, I’m listening not reading!) when he crows about having learned the history of his sword 2 days earlier than expected. Why does this stick out? Oh, idk. Maybe bc he sucks so hard he can’t even get past the first obstacle in his practical final exam? Yet he still has to tell us how fucking awesome he is for remembering 6000 names of previous owners.

I know, I’m supposed to forgive his teenage idiocy. The internet sympathists (no pun intended!) keep telling me this. And I suppose that I would, IF this were a simple first-person narrative - but it isn’t. Let’s repeat that, and really think about it. This story is being narrated by an older and presumably wiser Kvothe who has lost everything - whose abilities have been expunged to the extent that he can’t open his own chest of Cool Stuff. He shows humility in his actions, mostly. And yet when discussing his 16 yo self, the humility evaporates, and he speaks with no kind of perspective or lens of accrued wisdom. He still compares women to instruments waiting for the “right” player (i.e. him) and defends this choice of words by saying, essentially, “You aren’t a musician, you don’t know!”

Interesting assumption for an innkeeper in a medieval-esque world. Interesting assumption if this is in fact authorial interjection, too, because I suspect the majority of this book’s audience *are* musicians to at least an extent, and I also suspect that the majority of us (yes, us - I own several beloved instruments, including a harp custom made for me as a wedding present from my husband) would not equate a human lover to even the most beloved of instruments.

But all of this is well-trodden critical ground. As far as I can tell, though, my third issue isn’t: although it’s perhaps the most glaringly tone-deaf example of all of Rothfuss’s excruciatingly tone-deaf portrayal of his world’s women. Namely, the two girls kidnapped and gang-raped by the fake Ruh.

Almost all of the criticism I’ve read on this section of TWMF concentrates on Kvothe’s treatment of the girls’ abusers. What’s interesting is that no one ever seems to write about Kvothe’s treatment of the girls themselves. Yes, he treats them kindly. He tends their wounds, he feeds them, he tries (and succeeds, of course) to draw Ellie out of her shocked stupor. 

Yet what he never once does, from the moment he takes control of the situation, is ask their opinions on any of this, including what their next step should be. He just decides to bring them back to their families - families who, in this type of society, might well disown them for being “ruined”. And the girls themselves, namely the intelligent and savvy Krin, seem to go blindly along with what he says. Why? Would Krin at least not question this, or object to his making decisions for her, when a group of men had so recently and brutally taken away all of her agency? Would she not question whether being brought back to her family is the best thing for the catatonic Ellie?

Okay, apparently not. So they return to their apparently very forgiving town. Kvothe stands up for the girls against the village shithead: thank you, Kvothe, bc I’m sure Krin could not have said those words herself. He assures the reader that they are with people who will love and care for them despite what has happened to them: thank you, Kvothe, though it’s stretching my credulity a bit that you would assume that no one will take issue with their deflowering. But then he “gifts” the girls the spoils of his slaughter: the horses, the valuables, the wagons. And I was about to give him a (grudging) pass for being decent about this, EXCEPT: he goes on to say that these goods are meant for the girls’ dowries. Specifically, to make them worth enough financially for potential husbands to overlook their loss of virginity. He even tells Krin not to settle for a less-than-lucrative marriage.

And suddenly, I was outraged. Why? Because a man who had witnessed the full extend of these women’s abuse brought them back to a backwater town believing that he was being magnanimous both in doing so, and in giving up whatever share he might have taken of the spoils of the debacle to make them financially lucrative marriage prospects. Because he never asked these traumatized girls if they might rather cut and run with the money than use it to make some man overlook their abuse in order to make them his property. He never even questions the idea that they will be grateful to submit to marriage contracts that will no doubt require them to have sex with their husbands, even though these women have been abused to the extent that they cannot sit a horse for *two days* after being rescued. And the worst part is that 20-something frame-story Kvothe doesn’t question this either; he just goes on to gloat about people singing songs about his daring rescue. Maybe I was just ready for a straw to break my benefit of the doubt. Or maybe this really is as outrageous as it feels. Either way, I can’t help being angry at Rothfuss. As a writer, I am very well aware that character and author are not the same thing; that authorial intent is not the same as authorial beliefs. But there are moments in some books when I have to wonder if that line is blurring, and this is one of them. Kvothe has literally JUST left a female-dominated country full of independent women happily doing their own thing. He has given these girls the means to find themselves a situation that will never require them to be beholden to a man again - even houses ffs, in the shape of those 2 wagons, should they want them. There are so many options beyond marriage: I can’t, for instance, think of a medieval society that didn’t have its version of a convent. Or, for Krin at least, why not the University? For that matter, why not marry her himself, and then set her free to do as she likes under the awning of a respectable marriage? 

Instead he returns them to their fathers, and likewise gives their fathers the means to marry them off with no argument. Who, after all, holds the reins of the horses at the end? Why does Kvothe assume that these families will actually use the wealth even in the dubious way that he recommends?

And in this, I think, I am justified in giving Rothfuss the stink-eye. This is one more instance for Kvothe to play the hero with no real attention given to the consequences. Kvothe himself, I think, would be appalled. He has suffered so much deprivation in his life, so often been marginalized, scapegoated, powerless, how on earth could he so easily consign others to that fate? How could he think, loving Denna as he does, having heard her words to the beaten girl in Severin, that buying these girls husbands who will “overlook” their abuse for the sake of wealth is anything but a wretched life sentence for them?

Sigh. There was a time when I desperate awaited book three. Now, given the other women’s lives at stake in this series, I’m not so sure I want to know.

[explodingcrayon]

OKAY here are my Critical Thoughts about TLTTK which I still think is a really good, entertaining show and I kind of want to read the original book now... Obviously there are differences between the two as with any adaptation, but it’s a good story all the same!!

Major spoilers under the cut for the netflix series!!

Alright so my biggest issue is with the last two episodes, mainly with the last episode. Pacing was good the entire show until this last episode where they had to wrap everything up and end it. Which left it feeling like... weird? It felt “complete” but also there was so much that was left just empty?

I wish we had seen more Eviellan stuff (the place, characters from there, the actual conflict that they were suffering, etc.) but I guess I also understand why we didn’t, as Tiuri was the focus of the story? But considering the war was uhhh SIGNIFICANT to them, I wish that wasn’t glossed over as it was the more the story progressed. It kind’a makes me angry the more I think about it tbh LOL

His mom was locked up and that was a big thing in the beginning and then last 5 minutes we’re back home and everyone is being knighted and she’s just okay LMAO We don’t see her being released, reuniting with Tiuri, any moments or nods to Tiuri Sr. ... Idk, she was a tertiary character and that’s why IG

Honestly all the tertiary characters felt so empty at the end of the day LMAO The nobles in particular felt so pointless. Alianor gets caught by Viridian and then she just shows up fine in the epilogue. So like what happened to her??? Did he just knock her out or put her to the side or??? Why was she snooping anyway???? She accomplished nothing and was just sort of ~there~ the whole story. It made it seem like the alliance was going to be a bigger deal and then ended up being 100% irrelevant.

(Also with the alliance... this seemed so backwards??? Viridian, the son that was leading Unauwen’s army and fighting directly for it should have been given the throne, while Iridian was shipped off to ally with Dagonaut??? That makes way more sense??? But also seemed like it was going to be a bigger conflict than it was????? As in it didn’t matter at all????)

Likewise Iridian had no real role outside of his relationship to Alianor and his suspicions of his brother. And considering Alianor herself was p irrelevant in the plot, he could have been fine as a character without her. (And even then, his role in the story was minimal and he felt like milquetoast prince trope)

Bury Your Gays 😒

^But also like REALLY SUPER AVOIDABLE???? AND THAT JUST MAKES IT WORSE??? Tiuri survived with a stab wound for like 2 days at LEAST but Jisuppo dies 30 minutes later??? What, my boy’s not worthy of plot armor 10 minutes before the end??? Hate this shit ldksjfa

TBH I understand why they had to kill off all the coolest characters bc then it leaves Tiuri to be the protagonist, but also please stop killing the cool characters I want to see a story with them in it aaaahhh

I LOVED that we think Viridian is just a power-hungry general-prince until the last moment when we realize like. Oh. He was sent to conquer this other nation and being the one of the front lines with them, he’s pissed over how needless and cruel it is to both the Eviellans and his own soldiers. He wants to put a stop to conflict altogether, albeit in a really terrible way. He genuinely thinks he’s the hero of the story when instead he’s putting himself in the prophecy’s role of villain. That’s!! Super interesting!! He’s still not sympathetic as a villain, but I GET him. ...So it’d be nice if the epilogue had some sort of nod from the surviving King / upcoming prince Iridian that like “damn we fucked up with this whole war, maybe we should work harder to not be asshole monarchs and take care of our people + work towards peace and reparations.” Nope! Nothing of the sort.

In general it feels like there’s no real overarching closure with half the subplots? Mostly the background stuff: the nobles, the war, Lavinia’s road & mom, etc.

Where did Jabroot go???? Was he killed?? Did he get to keep hanging out?? Arrested???

The twist at the end of episode 5 is literally explained with a throwaway exposition line at the start of episode 6. Paraphrased, “So the magic works like this bc of this!” ???? I MEAN GREAT BUT COULD WE NOT GET MORE DETAIL ON THAT SINCE IT’S KIND OF A BIG DEAL??????

I LOVED the twist and HATED it. I loved it bc I genuinely did not see it coming and that is so rare tbh... But I also hated it for a lot of reasons which I will detail below:

1. It feels very like. White Savior area. The deuteragonist white character is literally the shining white light to defeat the darkness when my boy Tiuri has been RIGHT THERE,,, THE WHOLE TIME,,, DOIN’ ALL THE HARD WORK,,, Tiuri was a great MC and hero and he should’ve been the one with the magic, tbh

2a. It’s literally not explained. “So the magic is all around us, it’s not in blood!” Except the people who originated and routinely use the magic say otherwise?? So a 10 yo knows more about it than a civilization and culture that essentially founded it as tradition??? (Who, btw, are the POC versus the White country HMMM)

2b. Okay so even given that,, weirdness,, The magic is something everyone can access, you just Gotta. So you still have to answer what makes Lavinia so special??? Has she always had these powers?? Did they first manifest in the abbey (or the fog leading up to the abbey)??? Why did they manifest?? Is it just through high emotions like she said? Did her mother have magic too?? Where did this come from??

2c. Tiuri DOES have SOME connection to magic, because even as they said, he was hearing voices and such from it... So how is his magic different? How does it work? WAS his birth father a Shaman or was the audience just meant to infer/assume that? His mother seemed to know all about this stuff going on, so??????? I’m????? So many questions?????

--

NOW I WILL SAY... I did not read the book, or see if this is a book series or just a standalone or anything like that. So I don’t know how the story goes exactly when compared to this Netflix adaptation — how much they changed, or how much they left out. Maybe the denouement and epilogue were more informative than what they had time for in the show. But after some really great episodes leading up to the final culmination...! It kind of left me feeling, “hm :/“

So I still recommend it as a show and form your own opinion (esp if you read the book and have full context to the story)! But those are my hm >:/ gripes with it

[fwns]

First time crying because of a pokemon game

Literally no one:

Me: I’m gonna write about pokemon shield because it’s a great game and i love it

Man the last time i got to review something was probably 7 years ago during high school english class. I am by no mean a writer, yet again a game reviewer. This is just my honest take on the game bc it saddens me to see that a lot of people are shitting on the game especially with the dexit, short game, lack of action and the paid DLCs just announced. I‘ve been playing pokemon for 10 years or so (my first game was saphire) and despite the flaws this game has, i truly enjoy it.

1.) First of all. dude u gotta appreciate the visuals of the game!! LOOK AT THOSE!!

The screenshots above are from some of my favourite areas in the game. The concept of wild area is really cool and it makes the pokemon journey more realistic like the ones we used to see in the anime or how we imagined it. That it would take days to reach a city and u need to set up a camp whenever you need to rest or fill your belly. Also getting chased by strong wild pokemon in the wild area really got my blood pumping lmao

2.) THE SOUNDTRACKS. THE FRIGGIN. MUSIC. I’m such an aficionado for great music whether it’s an album, movie scores, and even games like these. Seriously the gym leader battle theme is an absolute banger (especially the crowds’ chants!!). Like it makes my 12 yo character more fired up to kick a grown up’s ass in front of a packed stadium and live tv.  The last time i was this excited to kick a gym leader’s butt was when i was battling winona years ago bc my dumb ass haven’t quite figured out the concept of type advantages.

^more appreciation for the gym leader battle theme. From all the shits this game has received, i haven’t seen a single complaint about the music so explain this, science side.

3.) I love how in this game some of the NPCs have actual character like our rival hop, leon, piers, marnie and bede too. BUT ESPECIALLY OUR RIVAL HOP. SERIOUSLY HOP IS BEST BOI AND ONLY DESERVES THE BEST 😭😭😭. Hop is (i assume) childhood friend/neighbour who happens to be the little brother of the current champion leon. Now this may seem like a usual pokemon protag - rival trope, being the protag is a nobody who just stepped into the world of pokemon trainer and the rival being someone related to someone important in the region (like how green/blue, barry, and hau was). Being a champion’s little brother is quite a big deal for hop but hop isn’t the snarky arrogant rival like green was. Instead he’s just a happy kid who dreams of surpassing his brother and want to form a healthy rivalry/friendship with you (he’s kinda a mix of barry and hau imo). Throughout your journey, hop helps you with the ropes and just generally be there as a friend...a real good friend.

And just like the previous games, as the story progresses you get to battle hop quite frequently and in order to advance further in the game (and keep those pocket money to buy varsity jackets) you gotta beat him over and over again. The thing is, unlike some other rivals who were like ‘wow ur so strong! k i need to train more bye’ hop actually TALKS TO YOU. Sure he did acknowledge our strength, but after he would talk to you abt other things like the next city/gym leader or even abt his life atm. I really appreciate the developers for making details like this bc through the dialogues you can actually see the depth of the characters and it makes you actually think. Like for example from my battles and dialogues with hop, i can see that he’s quite pressured bc of his background as the champion’s brother and people have high expectations of him, yet he keeps on losing to you (his rival). There is even one point in the game in which hop fell through a downward spiral bc he keeps on losing to you (the protag) and another NPC rival. You can ACTUALLY FEEL the stirring of emotions through the battles with hop and the dialogues bc at one point he even said something like ‘i don’t wanna drag leon’s name through the mud bc i’m too weak’ and i was like NOOOOO WHO HURT YOU 😭😭😭😭 (but then i realized it was partly me oh god i’m so sorry hop). Never in all my experience playing pokemon game that i feel bad about beating a rival, i do hope in future games they would let the rival beat us....well probably during an offscreen battle :p

Also, for the longest time we finally have our champion doing actual champion duties (?) like protecting the region from catastrophe. Like i understand that this is probably where the ‘lack of action’ comes from because let’s face it, team yell isn’t actually a threat to you or the region, and whenever a ‘real threat’ comes up, leon would beat you to take care of it first. Tbh there are moments when i was like ‘damn leon let me in on the fun too!’ but then again i realized there are actual adults in this game with their actual jobs (champion, researchers, gym leaders) who can actually do their job without relying on a 12 yo to do everything for them which is pretty realistic if you think about it

but don’t worry, in the end we’ll get to play a big part in saving the region too :))

4.) THE GYM LEADERS AND GYM BATTLE IN THIS GAME ARE JUST *chef kiss* the developers really put all their effort in this. Although i admit some of the gym challenges are kinda ‘lazy’ like just pummel through these gym trainers before facing the leader (especially on the last gym???really????). But the battles against the leaders are never boring.

WE FINALLY GOT A DARK TYPE GYM LEADER WOOTTT!! Plus he’s that one dude from the pop punk band that we love during our middle school years.

God i wish i had a big brother like piers, not only he’s one of the most challenging gym leader in our journey but he also helps us not just once but twice. At one point he throws an impromptu concert to cause a riot for us to be able to get through a heavily guarded area

gOD i love that chaotic energy 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻

Last but not least...man...MY BEST BOI RAIHAN!!! JUST BEST GYM LEADER, DRAGON TAMER (lol sorry lance), A GENIUS, 100% WILL TREAT YOU RIGHT, JUST 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻💦💦💦 💕 💕 💕💯💯💯 

just thank you gamefreak for creating him 😭😭😭😭👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 

OH AND GYM BATTLE UTILIZING WEATHER EFFECTS??? that’s some solid strategy there. I’m not a really strategic pokemon trainer, so i usually just pummel through every opponent lmao so when i saw this man controlling dragons and the weather i just 😮

AND THE FRIGGIN SELFIE GAWD 😭😭😭😭 LIKE WHO THOUGHT SNAPPING A SELFIE IN THE MIDDLE OF A SANDSTORM HOLDING A GIANT ASS POKEBALL IS A GOOD IDEA??? BUT THIS MAN SOMEHOW MAKES IT WORK. Also pls give me that camera bc the quality is bomb.

Well this turns out to be longer than i expected but i really just pour out how i feel about this game. It’s true that it’s not perfect and there are some aspects that can be done better, but as a long time fan of pokemon I REALLY ENJOY THIS GAME. I can see that the developers really work hard for this game to be able to cater to both old and new fans, and we all know that it’s impossible to please everyone. And for those of you who begs to differ or have different opinion about this game it’s perfectly fine and i’m not hoping to change anyone’s opinion. But PLEASE STOP HARASSING THE DEVELOPERS AND NEW FANS ESPECIALLY YOUNGER ONES! because we all know people who shames others’ interest are the worst kind of people :))) And if you have the time and money i suggest you give this game a try.  Well that’s all i gotta say, have a good day/night everyone!!

[messedupessy]

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh idk if you did this but gimme some of that sweet spicyhoneybqq juice

Heya ducky UwU ❤ and omg yeeeeeesss this one of my fave ships yeeesss, I actually mentioned this ship when I did some SpicyBBQ, as for Edge and Rus to work properly and healthy they need a third person, and Stretch is the perfect guy for that 

And also sorry for answering this so frikking late it’s been fucking months and I forgot about this one as I got so stuck xD

who’s the cuddler: It’s a tie between Rus and Stretch, though since Rus is one clingy hoe he might be winning tho his cuddles way too often turns sexual so they don’t count pfft, Edge is ofc very cuddly too but not to such extremes as the other two, but he do srs love to be squished between his two way taller boyfriends, its nice, unless Rus hasn’t showered in awhile bc then he will get kicked the fuck off because Edge do not like smelly ppl in his clean bed, much to the amusement of the other two pfft. 

who makes the bed: Edge, as he is one big clean freak and likes things to be in order, Stretch sometimes does it for him as he knows Edge likes it which Edge appreciates, but Edge do not allow Rus to make the bed as Edge do not want his shit on his fine sheets, tho Stretch and Rus are rubbing off of him a bit when it comes to not making the bed exactly everyday, which he complains about, but still Edge do make the bed most mornings. 

who wakes up first: Edge, as he got a very set schedule and will wake up at 6 am pretty much every day unless pulled back into bed grumbling but loving it, as he is one big af workaholic, though technically its Rus who wake sup first as he usually only sleep 1-2 hours a night, but after getting together with both Edge and Stretch he begins to sleep much more which he srs need, while Stretch is just unable to wake up like at all unless you like pinch him he is one deep af sleeper and alarms do not work on him. 

who has the weird taste in music: It’s kind of a tie between Rus and Stretch, Rus listens to metal and angsty stuff though it’s not really weird but what is weird is that he rly likes listening to asmr, while Stretch pretty much listens to anything and everything and then listens to the same song on repeat for weeks, doesn’t matter what it is as long as he likes the lyrics, the voice, the actual music he is all for it, Edge is the only like normal kind of ish, he listens to old rock and instrumental, especially instrumental with violins. 

who is more protective: Rus is, he is really fucking protective of the people he really grows to love and care for, but its not in a controlling protectiveness but it’s more in a “I am afraid to lose the only one’s who actually care to put up with a piece of shitty trash like me” and so on, and he easily grows jelly af which is something he needs to work on especially since neither Stretch or Edge will allow such behavior, like some jelly is fine but when it makes you do dumb shit then you need to stop.

Edge is a tiny bit protective, as when I hear the word protective I assume its in more of a bad overprotective way, but for Edge it’s more that he is forced to be more protective than he would like thanks to his status as the royal guard captain/ambassador etc, he got enemies and so in turn he knows people close to him might be used against him, and he will do his best to make sure it never happens. 

who sings in the shower: Stretch absolutely, he listens to the radio as he showers and sings loudly along with any songs he knows, Edge showers too quickly to even think about singing he is a very busy working boy, Rus rarely ever showers because he is nasty trash but when he do there is no singing.

tho showering together will make them all sing if u know what i mean uhuhuuhuhuuuuhuu ;>c

who cries during movies: Edge, he is  really weak for any romantic movies he is seriously weak to them, and so he will cry over them no matter how bad they are. Stretch only tears up when bad stuff happens to animals, while Rus just don’t cry at all. 

who spends the most while out shopping: Stretch, because he is a hoarder and can’t help but buy shit that catches his interests, no matter how useless or shitty it is as long as it catches his eye he will most likely buy it. Edge only buys stuff that is necessary, only sometimes buying things he really wants but happens rarely. While Rus just never have any cash at all as he spends the little he has on cigarettes etc, but when he actually gets a job and starts getting actual money he ends up barely spending them except on like I said earlier, cigarettes, though now also on food and maybe something he think the other two will enjoy, which Stretch and Edge also do bc gifts.  

who kisses more roughly: Rus no butts about it, he really likes it very rough so his kisses are of course usually very rough, and his sharp teeth don’t help either. Edge kiss a bit rough too but mostly because of his sharp teeth, but both of them can kiss softly af tho Rus just usually go rough first and it just depends on how things are gonna proceed if he keeps doing it.  

who is more dominate: It’s a tie between Rus and Edge, like Rus do love to be dominated af but he is also very dominate like even tho also not he is weird, while Edge usually ends up been more dominate by default but he too don’t mind been less so, all my boys are switches af ok, but when it comes to these 3 Rus and Edge are just a bit more dominate than Stretch, who just prefers to go with the flow, but it doesn’t mean he won’t be dominate to time to time too, it all depends on what they all feel like atm etc

my rating of the ship from 1-10: 10/10! It’s a really good ship in my opinion, like there is so many possibilities for drama to happen, for lots of hurt and comfort, for sweet soft stuff to happen, for some boys to heal, adds some spice to stuff too and I just love their overall dynamic, or at least mine tho have read others and they good yeah, that I can recall it’s been awhile since I read any xD but yeah I really like these 3 they just work, even tho Edge’s dislike and trouble with Rus at first is a big problem all 3 will have to work on to get stuff to work, the fact also that Edge is such a workaholic and need to srs take care of himself more, and the fact Rus is trash and has a habit of self sabotaging his own happiness as he consider that he don’t deserve it after the shit he done, and Stretch been overly helpful and chill and a bit unable to say no when ppl ask him for help etc so yeah them boys got it cut out for themselves ye xD

Ship ask thingie here ye, not taking them anymore yo

[birdsareblooming]

Hello! Welcome to my “Papyrus is the knight” theory/idea

This is less of a theory and more of a “YO WOULDN’T THIS BE SO COOL”

more below the cut:

1. This post. Read it.

https://singing-robot.tumblr.com/post/182920904424/i-was-thinking-about-papyrus-today-as-one-does

2. Papyrus himself.

What’s Papyrus’s character? WHO is Papyrus really? 

Well, we know a few things about him. -He wants friends -He wants to be the hero -He wants to be in charge.....of something? Anything? -He plays with action figures. -He only cooks spaghetti bc his friends like it. -”Forgettable” -He’s REALLY TOUGH (undyne confirmes, and the “brutal kind of guy” line always makes me feel weird) -Sans is his older brother. -Technically a short fuse? He never gets very very angry but he gets annoyed pretty easily, but he only really shows that around Sans. -Sans is more social then him, and therefore more popular.

Ok, that’s what we know.

3. The save point problem.

This is going somewhere I swear.

Ok, So in undertale its heavily established that whomever has the most determined in the underground has control over the timelines.

The save points in deltarune have to do with “the power of [X]” or whatever.

So it’s not too much of a stretch to assume that whomever is the most powerful in the dark world has timeline control.

(And it seems that Lightners are more powerful then darkners. keep that in mind)

We clear? 

Ok

4. Imagine with me.

First, remeber that Deltarune Papyrus isn’t Undertale Papyrus (at least not yet) 

They have lived different lives.

And a lot of this is for the hell of it, again, this is less of a theory, and more of a “what if?” scenario.

Imagine with me, your Papyrus. You’re new in town, and you have no friends. You are BORED out of your MIND. Possibly a child, so having some emotional issues. 

You’re also a younger sibling. A younger sibling who wants friends, but can never make them. While watching your older brother make friends faster than a gay walking down the street on steroids and drugs after a new haircut on coffee. Normal younger sibling issues, watching your older be more accepted and appreciated, while you’re left in the dust.

Also your older brother is Sans. Who hides all of his emotions, and is not good with dealing with his own problems and sure as hell cannot deal with yours without making a pun.

Also, you recently moved, maybe not at your own choice. So, not much control of your life, and, knowing Papyrus, might make him more than a little miffed.

So you’re bored, lonely, underappreciated, invisible/forgettable, and have lost all control over your life. 

Then, you fall into another world. 

A world with, interesting individuals. 

It’s all new, and no one knows you.

But, they remember you. They know you. A gift that your own world has not given you.

Maybe, even with save point control.

You slowly realize, you’re in charge.

You’re the one in control.

It’s almost like a video game...

...too much like a video game.

Eventually, you truly realize this world isn’t real.....in a way.

It exits......but in a strange spirit world, or a way of imagination. 

You truly are......in charge.

You can do whatever you want, with zero consequences.

And it’s fun! for a while.

Soon, you get bored there too, even though this was supposed to be an escape from your boring life.

But soon it gets to the point where you feel like.....everything’s been done. 

...

Well.

not everything.

Wouldn’t it be interesting, if you convinced one of the kings to rise up against the others? What would happen then?

What if you made another aware this world is a lie?

Hell, open up another portal! Get them on your side! They love you!!

Despite doing bad things, you rallied them to your cause! Yes, it was through hate, but who cares! You’ve never had this many people so happy to see you. This many people respecting you. This many people cheering for you. This many people knowing you.

You can take your anger out, people will love you, AND it doesn’t mean shit! If you don’t like it, you can just reload! 

....

Kinda sounds a lot like the geno route huh?

You get bored, you take these characters you love and throw them under the bus to see what would happen. And you don’t get comeuppance do you? Or you don’t think you will.

5.So, Knight Papyrus.

-He’s emotionally distraught -He’s bored af -He feel invisible -He finds a world -Plays it like a video game -Doesn’t......fully realize how real they are. -Is fucking with everyone for fun and also taking out his bottled-up anger on them.

6. Undertale.

Me, and many others, like to theorize that the Sans and Papyrus in Undertale are the same Sans and Papyrus in deltarune, and Sans and Pap in DR is them BEFORE UT. (would make sense with Sans’s story in UT)

So, if this was true,

Maybe tha’ts where Papyrus’s scensetiry in the geno route comes from. 

Papyrus knows you can be better and NOT do this manipulative, “this world’s just a game” shit because HE got better and HE stopped doing this  manipulative, “this world’s just a game” shit.

If in later chapters you redeem him, and he’s like,

“WOW I’M A TERRIBLE PERSON”

and, idk, bring in the “Anyone can be a good person if they just try” message.

If Papyrus learned this lesson through tenderness and true friendship, than why can’t you?

Anyway.....this is disjointed and weird.

[jimlingss]

I can't believe you ended chp 16 of Jp like that...i want to fight 😭

if you fight me, i’m guaranteed to be hospitalized ((look at these noodle arms)) and then who will post the next chapter on Monday? uh huuuh, that’s what I thought. Think twice before you wanna square up. (ง •̀_•́)ง

I am now answering spoiler-y messages below, so beware....

[SPOILER ALERT] 

*SPOILER ALERT**SPOILER ALERT**!SPOILER ALERT!*

Massive spoilers to come, please do not read if you have not yet read Jungle Park Chapter 16. Or go ahead and read if you’re chaotic like that.

Anonymous said: ok but what if oc and Hoseok were actually engaged....

I’m an idiot, anon - I accidentally deleted your ask before I copied it correctly lol oops, but ding ding ding! correct! you’re a winner!! i believe you sent me this message like 2 chapters ago and honestly you freaked me out by how accurate you were. dammit, I might’ve been too predictable, but you catch on quick. sorry i couldn’t answer sooner hahaha i couldn’t risk other people jumping on the same theory. you’re a genius tho, i’ll give you props for it.

Anonymous said: DATED!FOR 4 YEARS! ENGAGED! Omg wow shit really hit the fan like there is no coming back omg Wowoowoeoeoeooew I’m SHOOK like I never expected that like NEVER!!!

Anonymous said:I KNEW IT!!! i had a feeling it was either a really long relationship or they were engaged at one point. TURNS OUT IT WAS BOTH omg gahdhsjxbjsjs I'm so excited to see this all just unravel omgomgomgomg

kawaii-ing said: FhbsjshJuxYhUgrnziVJgdjsbdud JUNGLE PARK CHAPTER 16 JUST WRECKED ME YO 😱😱😱😱😱 HE KNOWS AND SHE DOESNT KNOW HE KNOWS IM SO CURIOUS FOR WHATS GONNA HAPPEN NOW Btw lovvvveeee your writing, thanks for all your hard work boo xxx💜💜

ASDFGHJKL I SAID SHIT WOULD HIT THE FAN AND I FOLLOWED THROUGH, RIGHT?? AREN’T YOU PROUD! THERE’S NO CLICKBAIT ON THIS BLOG HAHAHA 

Anonymous said: omgg 4 years? ENGAGED?? I’m ??? jut WHAT happened

:O :O

Anonymous said: BROOOOOOO! THEY WERE ENGAGED :o *insert Pikachu meme*

pikachu meme?? hahaha is that a sarcastic surprise? so you weren’t actually? lolololol :O

Anonymous said: Ahh I loved jungle park 16!! I'm so excited for the angst to come 👀 is hoseok's car accident related to oc at all?

hmm guess you’ll have to wait and see ((but also just putting it out there that if it was related that would be pretty makjang and lol im not about that life with this series))

Anonymous said: (1)oh holy hell Kina,,,my head’s hurting bcs of JP:16. ENGAGED what?? huh. now its one of my fav chapters, like 4-6 (ah those innocent cute baby steps in hoseok’s&oc’s relationship,,,not THIS). but freaking FINALLY someone spilled the beans. i love this kind of scenes, THE truth revelation. chang’s unaware of storm hes causing with his words, hoseok’s world’s simply crushing, oc doesnt know yet whats happening&dae is helplessly watching from sidelines trying to stop the catastrophe&failing

Anonymous said:(2)thats sad. i kinda can imagine what hoseoks feeling now, plagued w question that almost no one’s willing to answer, that drive him crazy.what happened? why did oc hide the truth? what did i do, how bad did we hurt each other? why can’t i remember any of it fuck. its a perfect opportunity for insecurities&ugly thoughts&inner demons to poison his mind. and oc...her house of cards collapsed revealing things she was trying hard to escape. will she feign ignorance again or will she finally face it

Anonymous said:(3)i just hope that in the end after this storm theyll reach their own peace, whatever the outcome will be. past stays in past, but only if every issue is resolved. otherwise it might return later&be worse than before. it was a great chapter. thank you — chem

THE BEANS HAVE BEEN SPILLED!!! honestly the universe is in chaos right now lol Hoseok’s like the fuck....and oc doesn’t even know lol but yeah it’s definitely a sad situation for almost all parties. there’s still more to be revealed tho, like the actual details of what the fuck went on haha anyways, i’m glad you’re enjoying it!

Anonymous said: AAHHHHH ITS FINALLY HERE!! Thank you 💞💞. Wow it was truly a lot and honestly, I feel kinda scared for Hoseok... it’s crazy that he really doesn’t remember anything and learning all this new information is like being in another word. If this story wasn’t one about love and fluff, it could’ve totally turned into a horror story lol. Thank you again and I’m very excited to see where the story goes!!

a horror? can’t say im very good at the genre but that’s definitely an interesting concept....the more i think about it....like for someone to go through something suppper traumatic and not remember at all and someone appears in their life but it turns out that someone was actually the serial killer? dammmmn that would be really interesting. i digress, thank you for enjoying it. definitely Hoseok is lost, scared, confused.

Anonymous said: SHIT’S 🗣 HITTING 🗣 THE 🗣 FAN 🗣 omg *insert “she’s meditating” “she’s dead” meme* and the fact that this is just the beginning??? how?? what?? i’m honestly so skek for the next chapter like i dont think hoseok’s gonna go apeshit on yn but you never know now do you ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ superb chapter for reals!!!! like, all of your writing is great but this chapter?? *chef’s kiss* didnt even know i was an angst fan until this chapter lol sending all my love to you!!! - chanting anon

hahhahahahhahaha there’s a lot more to unravel. now the puzzle has been exposed, we gotta start looking at the details. thank you for the message *throws chef’s kiss back* also welcome to the angst realm lol

Anonymous said: finals starts at the 20th and school ends in the 24th and we're still at chap 1 on our research. Due to stress, i thought, hey, might as well read the latest chapter bUT WHO KNEW IT WOULD BRING ME MORE STRESS. FOUR YEARS?! ENGAGED?! i feel like hoseok right now. You make such awesome stories and worlds. It affects me in so many good ways i cant even. i dont always give you my thoughts per chapter but i want you to know that i scream at every single one of them. have a nice day! - anon h.a.n.d.

oh my goodness!!! good luck on your exams!! hahah im sorry the chapter isn’t very much comfort food and kind of more wild but still happy you enjoyed it! 

Anonymous said: PT. 15 & 16?! WHAT. I COME BACK TO TWO CHAPTERS. HOLY COW. but really, like now that I know what I know, I’m so sad. I wonder what their relationship was like. That’s a lot of time to invest in someone and for it to fall apart like that... I couldn’t imagine what OC had to go through. I’m sad BUT THE DEVELOPMENT IS MAKING ME SO FREAKIN EXCITED. THANK YOU FOR GIVING US SOME ANSWERS ABOUT THE PAST. I CANT WAIT TO SEE HOW MUCH ELSE HE FINDS OUT.

I KNOW RIGHT?? LIKE FOUR YEARS IS A FUCKING LONG TIME. then again that was like 8 years ago. but yeah, it’s sad for both oc and Hoseok, y’know? I’M GLAD YOU’RE EXCITED!!!

Anonymous said: Great Jungle Park chapter! I'm pissed because SOMEONE SPOILED IT and i saw they were engaged before i could even click on the 'read more',,, but great chapter! I wish i could've read it without knowing, it kinda made me sad and it was not as great as it could have been.. @people spoiling, fuck off >:(( @you you're the best writer ily u nice keep going!! Can't wait to have Hoseok's full mind process over how crazy it is he doesn't remember 4 YEARS and an ENGAGEMENT (and only 2 dates huhu)

haha chill, anon. did you actually know that spoilers can make someone enjoy a story more? it’s actually a really interesting thing to google and find out more about. the chapter’s still the same whether you had an inkling of what was going on or not. you still enjoyed it too, right?  :D 

Anonymous said: CRAP OK, well, we knew it was something more than two days, but HONESTLY lol I love how you wrote y/n trying to keep it together. I could feel her fear as she lost control of the situation when Hoseok showed up. Do you think in her mind she even slightly expected him to show up? I'm assuming she's very internal w/ her thoughts/feelings seeing as she doesn't talk to anyone about what happened between her & Hobi all those years ago nor has she dealt w/ it, mostly just avoided it, would you say?

oh yeah oc was on the verge of a mental breakdown when he showed up rofl, damn near scared her. he was basically like a jumpscare LOL. but yeah for sure she didn’t expect him to come. i mean she basically told him and he was like ‘ok whatever’ and didn’t express interest and it’s not like he got an invite so she didn’t know he would actually go out of his way to show up. and yeah i agree, oc’s very internal with her feelings, or at least what happened all those years ago. it’s sensitive issues anyway that she’s left behind. or at least tried to.

tofugguk said: BROOO i LITERALLY— LITERALLY LOST IT. WHEN CHANGSUB DROPPED THEM BEING TOGETHER FOR LIKE FOUR YEARS THEN THE- “You guys even got engaged.” PART I SCREAMED. YOOOOO I CANTTT HANDLE THIS

Changsub isn’t the dumbass that we wanted. But the dumbass we needed.

((don’t you love how oc tried so hard to keep it a secret for like 16 chapters aka like near a year and some idiot comes trapezing in and in his first scene he just spills all the beans??? hahahha))

[pommegranatte]

Yo hetalia literally has the phrase "axis powers" in the title, as in the Nazi germany-japan-italy trifecta that existed in WWII. I understand that some people need a place to go to, but the actual Nazi show does not seem like a good choice

Hey there. I can see why you’d say that but i just don’t agree. I’m not sure i can articulate this very well but I’ll try. People are treating this show like it’s the nazi propaganda hour show. It’s really...not. It’s a relatively stupid show that from what i remember is about 5-10 mins per episode. It’s got...questionable things to say about certain subjects but that’s kind of all i remember. Anyways, my main point kind of isn’t hetalia (i haven’t seen it since i was like 15). My main point is that no matter what the media is, it does not justify making fun of or bullying or whatever anyone. I believe people should let others be into whatever it is they like and not try to tell them what they should or shouldn’t like. You do not think it is a good choice whicnis perfectly fine. But to someone else, it’s what they like. I’m not going to tell them what to watch. That’s on them. And I’m certainly not about to make fun of them for liking it. I think if people want to say “don’t make fun of people” and then turn around and find something to make fun of them for what is even the point of saying it in the first place, you know? You never know why someone is into whatever it is. You don’t even need to know why. If they are into something “weird” and they act in a way that is actively dangerous to others then by all means thats the time to step in (not by bullying though, there are other ways to affectively get things done). But random ppl online liking some anime about countries? Who cares? Yes it is axis powers. It’s ww2. So? There’s plenty of games and media about these things. I think people know that nazis are bad (well, besides nazis lmao). Calling it the “actual nazi show” is such a stretch. It’s really not. I just think...this is all blown out of proportion. Because the real meat of that post boils down to “i dislike this show bc of how it depicts certain things. Anyone who likes it is therefore an acceptable target to Harass.” And that’s the part that i just don’t understand how anyone can agree with. An unrealistic depiction of some events in ww2? Being acted out by the anthropomorphised version of countries? That is mostly dumb shows? For goodness sake’s, england is a fucking wizard. I’m not sure how that translates to “actual nazi show.” Maybe I’m missing something. Idk. Do i think people into “problematique” media should be harassed? No! I legitimately do not care what it is because i don’t know WHy the person likes it. I know people who ARE into ww2 and guns and shit. And people would totally harass or bully them if given the chance. But why? Just because they are interested in these things? Because they may find certain aspects of a war interesting to learn about? Because the mechanisms that make guns worl fascinates them? What’s bad about that? Is it because we associate these things with people who harm others? Why is taking an interest in something equal to being part of the group doing harm? That doesn’t make sense to me. You can be into something and be totally divorced from the majority of people who are usually associated with it. Take me for example. I am into what people assume is “hippy stoner shit.” Am i stoner? Nah, i can’t even be around the smell of weed. But I’m always associated with them because i like the culture of it. Just taking an interest in it automatically groups me in with it. I don’t that’s quite how it works. I think the issue is...complicated. There are certainly people who are interested in things and actively do harm to others. (Like ppl into radfem ideology usually tend to be radfems or terfs themselves). Somaybe i should probably say that the issue is alot more complicated than i have the eloquence to convey. Since i amrambling at this point.

Tldr; I’d probably say in short that you shouldn’t want to automatically harass or bully anyone solely because of their interests. You should at least try to understand WHY they are into something before making an assumption as there are a multitude of reasons for teir interesrs. And if that’s something you don’t want to do, that is fine. But unless you have evidence of someone doing or saying harmful, you really should just let others be. And even then, harassment is not the answer. Just don’t harass or bully people.

Now, first thank you for being kind and not being insulting. I hope i haven’t come off as too rude. I just really, really can’t tolerate bullying for any reason. I would appreciate it if i didn’t get anymore questions about this because I’m just going to keep saying the same thing. Thank you!

[janiedean]

ready-set-ohnowait

ha risposto al tuo post

“jaime, pia and perceived ideals of knighthood vs effective knightly...”

I mean, we really can't tell how much of Arthur's character is myth and how much is real, but when it comes to him not letting Ned see his dying sister, there comes the issue of Arthur's perspective of Ned. He couldn't know how much Ned agreed to all deeds that made Robert king, which includes killing Rhaegar's children (last of which was upstairs, too). In spite of any good opinion Lyanna may have shared of her brother, Ned supported the man who killed Rhaegar/1 /2 and who had his little children killed. Arthur was Rhaegar's oldest friend, not just a Kingsguard. There's also the strong supposition that Ned was the one to dishonor Ashara and then go off to marry another woman to get her father's armies for Robert's Rebellion so.... perspective.

this is an absolutely fair point, but my problem is: and what about what happens after? I mean, never mind that the entire thing is already shady on anyone’s part on the crown’s side because regardless of what happened with ashara (but since I think it was pretty obviously implied that it was *brandon* who dishonored her, not ned, I figured that she’d tell him at least?), but like, ned mounts an entire rebellion for his sister that as far as he was concerned was kidnapped and held in there against her will after his father and brother are killed in *that* gruesome way and never mind the ethical implications of agreeing to have her held prisoner *after* she learns what end did her father and brother meet (I mean we can’t know if she knew or if it changed her mind, but as much as I personally think that she was absolutely into rhaegar and absolutely agreeing to escape with him, if they didn’t tell her that her relatives were dead it’s keeping information from her, if they did and she changed her mind or wanted to go back, that’s still unethical, so that entire situation is already shady. but let’s say that he thinks that ned would agree with robert to kill the kid even if it’s his nephew and that he assumes ned dishonored ashara, so if he killed ned after having lost the war and lyanna died (because obviously she was going to)... what happens? he takes the kid and flees to essos when as we saw lyanna did want *ned* to keep him safe? I mean knowing ned it’d have been way more reasonable to tell him the truth and make an agreement with him also because *ned* had no interest in killing them and just wanted to get his sister. then he absolutely might have had another perspective and I wouldn’t want to take the show version for good before deciding things (the show version didn’t help out much anyway XD) but like that entire situation imo is shady/morally gray whichever way you look at it and no one in it behaved like a paragon of knightly vows at least imvho and from what it looks from the outside.

A very good take on Jaime and his unseen knightly gallantry towards women tho, especially when he does act out of instinct instead of the face of the man who doesn't care about anything he tries to put on. Also there's an older story to point out, because it also happens AFTER the Rebellion when Jaime is already the knight without honour: TYSHA! Now, it appears that Tyrion end Jaime were together, and some dude was assaulting this commoner girl and Jaime intervenes and -also goes after the assaulter after. Later,Tyrion is told it has all been a farce to get Tyrion laid. Only it turns out it wasn't. Tysha was truly just an innocent girl. Which means a 22 (?) yo Jaime was really just out there defending this innocent girl just bc it was the right thing.

oh absolutely that counts! I mean, there’s a lot of meta one could word-vomit about on the topic and I’ll do it one day but like one of the most important things re that one episode that also gets overlooked is that people don’t get that it wasn’t tywin being an abusive piece of crap just to tyrion, but to jaime as well because as you said he INDEED was out there defending an innocent girl because it was the right thing relatively little after aerys died (because if tyrion was twelve then jaime was nineteen, so.... really not much later), we know that he has the rape triggers to end them because he felt horrible about not helping rhaella and he dissociated while it was happening so he most likely was assuming he was making up for it somehow, and then tywin goes and forces him to lie about it and orders people to rape her and makes tyrion do it therefore a) making it useless, b) ruining tyrion’s life when jaime genuinely loves him, c) makes jaime an accessory in it, and like the thing is that if you search for instances of jaime thinking about it in his chapters it’s like, twice not counting when he tells tyrion because he’s cleaning his shit up post hand-loss and he can’t live with it, except that jaime’s to-go method when it comes to dealing with things he doesn’t want to deal with/coping with his issues is... not thinking about it to the point where he was dissociating at sixteen, so if he doesn’t think about it then he really hates that he did that, and that would tie in to how everything he seems to do for good reasons then gets twisted wrong, but yeah. I mean if he stopped trying to do his knightly thing with women after tysha I wouldn’t be surprised you know XD <3

[idratherstayslytherin]

Drarry Headcanon (bc I'm a terrible writer and have no time to)

After the war Hermione and Ginny come back to Hogwarts, it's a year after the battle (that's how long it took to rebuild the school and let people grieve)

Harry and Ron found it impossible to come back. They are staying together at Grimmauld Place. Ron decided to help George at WWW. Harry didn't know what to do for a long time He didn't want to be an auror, he've had enough of saving people's lives, being away from home, fighting for his own life. He considers doing Unspeakable or Cursebreaker course. That way he wouldn't have to go fight (well, maybe he would have to sometimes) on the field and he wouldn't have to work behind the desk (assuming that unspeakables aren't working behind the desk ).

He finally decides on going for curse-breaker option, but he has to get at least "Exceeds Expectations" in Potions from his NEWTs (which he can take at the Ministry). As we know he sucks at it so he needs someone to help him.

Draco has been cleaned out (mostly) from the charges after the war. They don't trust him at all, they don't want him anywhere Wizarding World. They put him in the safe house in the muggle France. They have a tracking charm on him so he cannot leave this place. He lives there with his mother. He haven't been outside for almost a year. The Ministry told him that they would consider welcoming him back if could prove that he changed his believes and payed back for his actions during and before the war. As for now they took away his wand and made him look for muggle job.

When the Ministry finds out that Draco is pretty good at potions and Harry needs a tutor they decide that sending Harry to him is an excellent idea. Draco would have to help him if he wants to get his wand and freedom back and Harry could help him with understanding muggles.

Both of them are pissed off as they are not each other's greatest fans. Harry testified for Narcissa and Draco after the war, but he did it just because they both are kind of the reason he is alive ("Dead" , "I can't be sure"). Harry did not think they deserved Azkaban, no matter how angry he was at them, no matter how much he disliked them.

Ministry builds a potions space in Dracos house so they can study there. The few first weeks are weird, Draco and Harry only talk to each other if it's necessary or if they're studying. Draco is a decent teacher, he can explain potions so that Harry can understand and improve. Even if Harry is annoying Draco with his little knowledge on the subject he is impressed with his other magic abilities and knowledge on other things. They start being civil with each other and stop their childish arguments.

One day when Harry is sick of having to eat only take outs for a month he decides to ask Narcissa a permission to cook for them all. It's not like it's his biggest dream, but he wants to eat a good homemade meal, and it's only polite to make three portions. Narcissa agrees and Harry goes out to buy ingredients for curry that he learned bow to make when he lived with Ron. While he's making it Draco enters the kitchen and observes Harry intensely. Not just because he thinks Harry is attractive, but because he is genuinely interested in cooking now that they don't have a house elf. When Harry sees him he stops for a second and then says "you know it's not polite to stare? And do try to be more secretive if you want to look at me.". At this sentence Draco freezes, his cheeks going red,but then Harry burst out laughing "Your face Malfoy! If you could se-see yo-your face right now". He can't stop laughing. Draco just glares at him. "I'm just messing with you, no need to plan my death." Harry says still smiling, but Draco still says nothing until the silence between them becomes awkward. "I'm not planing your death, never did." he says with a serious tone. There is a lot of starring between them. Harry breaks it "so do you want me to show you how to cook, Malfoy, or not?" Draco hesitates but walks over to Harry and Harry walks him through the process of making a perfect curry that is Harry's friends favourite dish. Draco asks a lot of questions and stops Harry at different stages of making a curry paste to observe the changes that are happening. There aren't many to his disappointment. Somewhere in the conversation Harry mentions that he learned cooking when he was living at the Dursleys. He doesn't even know why he's telling Draco Sodding Malfoy about his not so pleasant childhood.

"They used you like a house elf?! Wait, they treated you even better than a house elf. Our house elfs had their own bedroom." Draco raises his voice a little and Harry is weirded out and doesn't know why Malfoy even cares.

They eat their meal quietly and after that Draco asks Harry if he can tell him something more about muggle technology. They go to their study and Harry explains cash machines, toasters, tv, internet and more to him. Harry watches as Draco's scared face turns into fascination. He even smiles a little and Harry decides that genuine smile looks good on Draco Malfoy.

They fall into a routine where they wake up make breakfast together (Harry thought Draco to make simple dishes), they go into potions study, Draco teaches Harry the theory and they make some potions (Harry eventually ends up brewing pretty decent ones, except that time he almost burned down the cauldron and Draco stopped speaking with him for a day (HE NEVER FUCKING LISTENS TO DRACO SO HOW.CAN HW EXPECT NOT TO FAIL MISERABLY?!) ); they eat lunch, have some time apart, Harry eventually firecalls Hermione and Ginny asking them how they're doing, Hermione leaves Ginny alone with Harry so they can have some alone time. Harry loves her, loves her just the way she is, he misses her a lot. They talk about school, they talk about them and exchange sweet nothings. Harry can't stop but wonder how will their future look like when she comes back home. Will they get married? Should he purpose to her? Will they have a lot of children? When will they live? He also misses having a closure with her, kissing her and doing more than that. When their firecall is over he is left with with his hand and a bulge in his pants (It's only because he haven't had any sexual interactions with his gf and she decided to take of her t-shirt which allowed him to see her breasts, AND SHE WHISPERED TO HIM THAT SHE MISSED HIM AND HIS TOUCH. How could he not be affected by that?!).

Months pass and Harry and Draco became a good company to each other. They help each other out. By now Draco knows mire about muggles that any other pure blood wizard, is less scared of them and even started reading fiction, history and science books. He usually sits in his chair in his room, with a cup of tea, and devours all the knowledge. Harry tries to improve at potions by sneaking out to the study in the middle of the night when he can't sleep/doesn't want to fall asleep. He even tried to make a dreamless sleep,but failed a few times.

One night Draco hears Harry's screaming, it's heart wrenching. They are home alone as Narcissa was send back to the manor on her own request. Draco gets up and takes Dreamless Sleep out of his cupboard. He enters Harry's temporary bedroom and shakes his arm. "Potter. Potter, WAKE UP!" He raises his voice. He knows if it was him he would have wanted to be woken up. Harry wakes up and can't stop hyperventilating. Draco doesn't really know what to do, he never took care of anyone but his mother, and he isn't really good with feelings/hard stuff. He and Harry never talk about their past. It's their silent agreement. Draco does sits on the bed and says in a low vice "It's just a dream. It's just a dream, Potter." He tries not to look Harry in the eyes, but he decides that if he wants to make this boy stop doing what he's doing then he has to do more. He looks Harry in the eyes. "Breath, Potter. Take a deep breath and then exhale." He does exactly what his mother did when he was in that situation. He doesn't want to step any boundaries, so he doesn't touch Harry's hand. "Do it with me." Draco says when Harry doesn't seem to feel any better. He can't faint! "Take a deep breath" They both do. They exhale. They do it few more times until Harry's breathing becomes less shaky and stabilize. They look at each other in silence. Draco looks down, but pulls out the phial and gives it to Harry. "Drink this." He gets out of bed and begins to leave. "Thanks" Harry whispers.

The next day Harry wakes up at 1am. He feels a lot better after the potion he took at night. Still he feels terribly sad. It happens sometimes. There are times he doesn't want to leave the bed and just doesn't see the point of doing anything. Sometimes he wishes he never came back to life. He gets up even though he would rather disappear, but he feels like he has to at least tell Draco that he doesn't feel like studying today. He looks for Draco everywhere, but can't find him. Finally he finds him in the kitchen in front of the stove cooking something. It's oatmeal. "Hi" Harry says when Draco turns around. "Hey." There again is silence. "You look like shit." Draco informs Harry. "I'm making you food. Sit". And Harry is like WHAT?! Draco Malfoy is making me food?! What kind of universe that is?! "What?" Harry says. And Draco just rolls his eyes. "Can't you ever do just one thing you're asked for? Are you that much of a rebel?". His voice is surprisingly soft and Harry is like DID HE JUST SIMLE AND SAID SOMETHING (that should probably make him sneer at him) IN A SOFT VOICE?! WHO IS THIS MAN AND WHAT DID HE DO WITH DRACO MALFOY?

Draco just looks at him then says "You've began to develop this annoying habit of looking at me with your mouth open. Please, stop. " although he doesn't want Harry to stop. He looks at Harry when he thinks he's not looking and dreams about touching his hair.

Harry goes red and mumbles some nonsense as a response. They sit together at the table and Draco handles Harry the oatmeal and they eat in silence. "We don't have to study today'" Draco says when the sip their drinks (Harry - coffee, Draco - tea). They have free afternoon.

Harry looks at Draco while he's drinking his tea and first thing that comes to his mind is scary he is so damn beautiful. His hart begins to pound a little faster at the realisation of what he just thought. He doesn't really know where did that came from and what the fuck does that mean, so he lowers his head. The next thing he notices is how Draco looks out of the window with a sad expression on his face. Oh, he must be missing outdoors Harry thinks. After Draco has been nothing but nice and helpful Harry wants to make it up for him. He firecalls the Ministry and asks them a permission to let Draco go out. They argue with him and tell him that Draco might run away, that he might hurt Harry, but Harry is having none of it. "He's been nothing, but amazing tutor, nice and helpful this past weeks. And how do you even imagine him being able to do anything without his want, hm? I trust him and if you trust me you'll show me the charm that will let him get out. I'm sick of sitting in the house as well, can't imagine what that must have been for him." They give harry the charm and show him how to perform it (just because he is their hero).

When Harry tells Draco that their going out Draco can't help, but smile widely. Harry wants to take a picture of this moment for some odd reason. It scares him what his thoughts are becoming.

"There is a beach an 1,5 away from here." Draco says. "Are you suggesting we go there?" Harry answers. "I thought that was obvious." Draco smirks.

They end up going to the beach. Draco smiles the first moment they step out of the house. He closes his eyes and breaths in fresh air. He looks gorgeous Harry thinks where Draco's hair is flying on the wind. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! He screams in his mind. They walk in the silence until Draco says "Thanks." a moment of silence. "For taking me out" Harry instantly looks at him. "And everything. Testifying for me even though you didn't have to. Testifying for my mother. Saving my life in that-in that room." He says this in a honest, quiet voice while looking at Harry. Harry doesn't know what to say and is startled. He retrieves his voice after a longer minute. "I did what I thought had to be done. And... I don't think you deserved Azkaban." He can't believe what he's saying, but it's true. He just didn't think he would confess this to Malfoy. "Well, you also saved me at the Manor." He says after that. "I've should have done more. I was a coward. I still am. I should have helped." Draco almost whispers as he can't look at Harry. His eyes vegan to water. "I deserved all that they planned for me at my trial. You should have left me there, but I guess you have saving people's lives problem, even if you hate them." Harry stays quiet, but has this weird feeling that he should say that Draco is telling him a lot of bullshit. He knows some of it is true, he does have saving people problem and Draco wasn't definitely brave and he should have done more in the battle if he wasn't sure what side he was on. He could have done more, but he didn't.

They walk together in the silence until they reach the beach. They were exhausted from walking. But the view is breathtaking. They got out of the house at 5pm so now sun is begging to go down and the sky is lovely colour of yellow, orange and pink. They can feel ocean breeze and hear the sound of it. It's calming. They sit down on the blankets they took with them and stare at the sky.

"I miss Sirius." Harry says without thinking much of it. He can't take the words back. "Your godfather?" Draco asks, digging the piece wood he found into the ground. "Yeah." Harry sighs. "He and Remus were the only people who felt like I still had a piece of my parents with me." Harry confesses, THE HELL WITH IT, I DON'T HAVE ANYONE TO TALK TO BESIDES HIM. Harry tells Draco about Sirius and how it went down in 3rd year, he tells him how mad it was when they found out Ron's rat was Peter Pettigrew, he tells him the story about his parents and the marauders. Draco interrupts him with few questions only if needed, he listens to Harry intensely. "I'm sorry they're not around anymore." Draco says, and studying his expressions, Harry knows he means it. Harry wants to cry, but he can't cry infront of Malfoy. He is partially angry at Draco, well actually his father for being the reason Sirius is dead, and if Draco haven't let Death Eathers into Hogwarts Remus and Tonks would still live. He pushes that away for now. He considers asking Draco about his reasons, his story, but on the other hand he knows nothing will serve as an excuse.

They lay on the ground for quite some time, but then Harry says "I'm going swimming" and he gets up. "Are you crazy? The water is probably - 10°C" Draco sits up. "Yeah, -50°C" says Harry sarcastically rolling his eyes. He takes off his shirt and walks down to the ocean. Draco is going crazy in his head, SHIRTLESS HARRY GOING SWIMMING AND OH MERLIN THOSE MUSCLES AND OH MERLIN I MIGHT FAINT. "It's dark and you could drown. Come on we can come back tomorrow." Draco almost beggs. "If you're so worried for me then come with me" Harry snorts and laughs. "You're not making any good impression on me, Potter. Come back here, prat." Harry keeps laughing and he steps into the water. It's neither warm neither cold so he takes some of it in his hands and rubs it all over his body. Draco would come quicker to get him, but he can't stop staring. When he does come near Harry, Harry is already down his knees in the water. "If you want to babysit me then you better take off your shirt and come rescue me if I drown" Harry is weirdly in a good mood. He is now full body in the ocean. Draco frowns at him. "You're an idiot." He says and stays on the sand with his arms crossed.

Harry thinks it would be funny if he faked drowning. Would Malfoy cone to his rescue? He decides to test it. He preforms what he thinks is a good acting and says rapidly "Icantfeelmylegs. I can't move, shit!" He fakes scared expression and looks at Malfoy who is already runing to him into the water.

When Draco is beside him and holds him around his waist he starts laughing historically. He haven't laughed that hard since he can remember. "And you told me I have a pro-pro-" he leans on Dracos shoulder. "Saving lives problem." Draco lets go of Harrys waist and splashes him with the water and sneers " You bastard! I thought you were really drowning. You're such an imbecile! What if we both lost our footing, have you thought of that?!" he screams, but it's not in fury. Harry splashes him back and they begin splasing each other, swimming away to save their life. They both begin laughing. Finally when they're near the beach Harry grabs Draco by the waist. "Scared?" Harry knows exactly what he's doing. "You wish." Draco replies and they chase each other to their blankets. They ends up on top of each other, lying there on the sand. Draco is the one on top and he holds Harrys hands behind his head. "Are you feeling defeated, Potter? Did I just defeat the great Harry Potter?" Harry wraps his legs around Dracos hips so he can take a control. Now Harry's on top. "As if I'd let you." They stare at each other and the intensity of the tension between them rises. Suddenly Harry can't help, but look at Dracos chest, it's covered in a shirt that's sticking to his body, but Harry can see how lean and attractive his body is. "Potter." Draco says clearing his throat uncomfortably. As he does that Harry immediately knows, or rather can feel what caused that reaction from Draco. He was an erection. SHIT! He thinks and stands up as fast as he can. "I'm sorry. I just-" Harrys heart speeds up. "STOP." Draco stops him. "Don't. It's a normal reaction. We're both easy simulated, as are boys our age. You've been away from your...um girlfriend, I suppose, and you, well..." Draco doesn't end the sentence. It's uncomfortable. "Lets go home." He says as he picks up their stuff. "Or do you want me to go and you'll follow me after sometime?" Harry almost squeaks at Dracos proposition and what he actually is suggesting that Harry does.

"It's a- I-I think- I think I'm fine." Harry says, but Draco gives him disbelieving looks. "For Merlins sake, just stay here, think of your lovely girlfriend and you'll meet me at the house. You can't possibly get lost, not with a wand." He is irritated. "You're wet and you might catch a cold." Harry says, feeling like he really needs to be left alone right now. "So cast a drying charm on me, will you?" Draco glares at him, his face going blank. So Harry does and Draco goes home.

But when Harry is left alone all his thoughts are of Draco, his smile, his pale skin,shining grey eyes that turn silver when he is excited over something when they're studying; his lean body and how Draco felt when their chest , then later hips, were so close; how all Harry wanted to do was drag his fingers down Dracos hair and how he wanted to know more about him. He doesn't think of Ginny. But he does feel guilty and weird about it.

Next days are spent on studying, talking about muggle stuff, Draco telling Harry what he discovered or got to know from the books he've read, they chat, but none of them mentions the night on the beach.

That doesn't help,because with every day Harry gets more and more attracted to Draco. Not just by his looks, but his personality and its even scarier. Draco has changed a lot during a year, he is clever, cunning, empathetic, passionate, talented, assertive, demanding, has the same sense of humour as Harry and can easily make Harry laugh. Harry thinks that he could actually be friends with him. But he also wants to touch him again. This is crazy. Harry you've gone mad over a boy.A BOY. AND EVEN WORSE A MALFOY.

Harry is done with his potions study and Draco says that he has improved and better pass his NEWTs well. They both decide to go on the beach one more time before Christmas and Harrys exam. They go swimming and spend the days eating, laughing, "fighting", talking about Quidditch and sharing some childhood and Hogwarts stories. Turns out Draco wasn't a complete sociopath when he was a kid. He was quite sympathetic, his parents fucked everything up.

When they are laying on their blankets and staring at the sky Draco began to point out different constellations, and when he pointed at "his" meaning "dragon one" he just smirked at Harry as if this was his proudest moment. They somehow go back to the war talk and Draco explains that all he ever wanted to to in life is to make his father happy, he wanted to make him proud. He believed every word his father said,but after the sixth year began he knew his parents views were wrong and he slowly stopped believing what they thought him about muggles, pure bloods and muggle borns. He didn't want to kill Dumbledore,but he was given the mission that would make his father proud, that would clear out his family name to Voldemort and would keep his parents alive. He said that at this point he was only fighting for his parents life. He told Harry how awful living with Voldemort was, how a awful his "mission" was and how much he regretted it. Tears were rolling down his face when he got to the part when Death Eathers entered Hogwarts because of him and so many people died because of him and how he wish he could take this back. He confessed to Harry that when he saw him at Malfoy Manor he wanted to take his hand and apparate him somewhere else, somewhere away from there, but was a dumb coward who made all the wrong choices in his life.

Harry was listening to him, sometimes losing his breath, feeling bad for him, trying to understand the boy infront of him. It broke him when Draco said he was being tortured by Voldemort whenever Dracos father failed him or whenever there was no prisoners. After Dracos story was over Harry put his arms around him and brought him closer. They stayed like that for a moment and when they pulled back Draco said "Don't feel sorry for me, I only told you that,because I needed to you shared so much with me in those past months it felt only fair to give you my truth. I know any of this is not an excuse for all my actions. I deserve to be hated and punished, but I want to change and my mind healer said it's what matters the most." Harry believes him and he thinks he could forgive Draco all he have done after he apologized to him for their time at school (and Harry did apologize back). Though it would be awesome if Draco could face Ron and Hermione and make a sincere apology to them both.

They ended up sleeping on the beach beside each other, but when Harry woke up his body was pressed to Dracos and he had his arm around Dracos waist. It was his first dreamless night without needing to take a potion. Harry got up and wrote a letter to Draco saying his goodbyes, but also telling him what he could not say in person. He assured him that he'll figure something out so Draco could come back to Wizarding World and then they can meet up and be friends. He thanked him for the teaching and said he would message him. He put the letter in the basket they brought. He took one last glance at Draco and lightly kissed his cheek, he could not hold himself as not to do so, and left.

P.S.: I think I might continue this, but idk if you guys like it.

[emeryst]

➰ ( PARK JIMIN, DEMIMALE, HE/THEY ) *✧.:°░｡ —- is that EMERY STEELE?! you know them, right? they are the 227 year old SEELIE !! they’re known for being WHIMSICAL & COMPOSED - but i'd be careful if i were you because they’re also SHREWD & EGOTISTICAL.

*peeks in* hello it is I, ghost of the past here again. asdnf ok for whoever even remembers my very brief venture into this rp with this muse um sorry for disappearing life kicked me in the ass but here’s for round two!! ;; I’m actually superrr excited to get to do stuff with Em and yall pls come plot uwu

I’m gonna keep introductions to minimum-- I go by Fany, 26 years young, she/her most likely playing overwatch if you don’t hear back from me for a while. constantly melting from this damn heat my last 1.5 brain cells are doing their best O K

that’s good right.

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yes.

so.

I’ll work on pages as we go don’t @me 

I’ve revamped this muse juuuust a tiny bit. here’s what you should know

looks 22 he’s stubborn and clings to youthfulness. sue him

tbh partially also bc people keep underestimating him and. that works to his advantage oops

goes by ‘em’ sometimes, or if you fancy using that to emery he honestly doesn’t care. some may only know him as ‘gemma’ but more on that later..

most important thing perhaps is to make it clear that emery is by no means his real name ( neither is steele ), nor the only one he has taken to using over the years, simply one he’s settled for currently. for the past, oh, 90 or so years anyway

no one knows his real name beside his mom, and the seelie queen I would assume. unless there’s a seelie ( or even a merperson ) who was around when he was residing in the faerieland

speaking of, he was born in the faerie realm and lived there for the first 20 years of his life with his mom ( 1790-1810+ )

never saw his dad much, for reasons I’m not disclosing here other than the man being an unseelie & involved in some shady dealings >_>

mom wanted to move back to korea where she had lived part of her life, naturally emery followed along mostly just to help her settle down and to see what it was like, ever the curious soul

she got her hands on some land and started a small business making lavish traditional clothes which ended up getting her a hefty sum of money over the years, while he was mostly helping and doing his own things on the side, going cross country for mundane as well as seelie business.

spent some good 30 years there before he decided to start travelling across globe. which is more or less what he been doing since then, not settling down for more than a max 10 years at a time really. now he’s been living in wilshire for a good 2 years

I don’t want to name a specific timeline for where he’s been when cause yo if anyone wants to plot something that happened in the past in whatever country/city, I’m down! mostly boy’s been in europe tho. that said he has been in wilshire before too occasionally so a past plot based around the city could be done ( as long as it’s some 30+ years into past )

oh ye he’s LOADED

how he’s maintained that is another thing. from early age he’s been extremely interested in gemstones and their qualities and all that, how pretty you could polish them & adding his own magic into the mix he begun experimenting with making sort of charms out of them in the form of jewellery and soon found a genuine passion in the craftsmanship ( mean he went to work as a proper apprentice for years and all, under different people too ) and he’s amassed a pretty nice following of people who vouch for his ‘product’ being of highest quality and materials. or at the very least have heard of him by the name ‘gemma’. we’re talking of a sort of legacy garnered along 150 years of him doing this so.

word has gotten around within the downworlders circles as much shadowhunters, everything is custom made so you wont be able to just say oh I want this kind of thing and expect him to have it on the go oh no. it would take minimum 2 weeks. and he’s a strict perfectionist so even if you were fine with him applying some shortcuts while crafting pride alone would have him refuse

first of all you have to get in contact with him, which is harder than it should be these days since he’s not exactly advertising, though has been giving out business cards to select few cause they’re fun. so unless you specifically know him as the jewellery/charm maker ‘gemma’ honestly your best bet is to ask around the shadow market and someone might direct you to him

in addition to all that, he’s made a name for himself in the mundane world too by having lines of jewellery sold in boutiques all over for the last 30+ years. rumour is he’s retired - which is true - but nothing’s confirmed cause he’s an ass

no one knows it’s emery tho now cause with that whole thing he heavily altered his looks as well as what name he slapped on that entire thing when handling business. as far as mundanes know ‘jon kim’ has disappeared off the face of earth and he ain’t doing a thing to prove otherwise

ok so

lives close enough to wilshire in this huge ass 5 bedroom house legit cost him nearly 3 million oops

but listen, he needs the space for work ( has one room just for that ) and other stuff and a decent sized yard for gardening cause he’s growing all kinds of flowers & shit. some illegal but shh

actually no he legit has a whole lot of stuff some warlocks might need so ring him up aye. nothing comes free tho jsyk ;)

also may or may not have subtle glamours and all kinds of wards set around the property but don’t you worry about those

likes his peace and quiet too but is a highly sociable person. lives off gossip no lie. mostly bc he just borED

loves going out and just having fun with people in general, experiencing new things and sights, taking in the nature etc

does still visit the faerieland often enough to know what’s happening over there, though he’s a little removed from the inner circle of the seelies’. beside visits to the queen. he yet remains loyal to her and their people regardless how close or not he is to them now ( no but give him a seelie friendo someone pls ;w; )

he actually has come back to that realm several times over the years and in between travels, usually when there’s a war going on in the mundane world and he’s just. not in the damn mood to deal with that

now he’s also just. kinda unbothered by bloodshed?? doesn’t like participating personally but has witnessed enough in his lifetime it doesn’t really phase him

sometimes to the point of being unnerving like

during these past events/plot drops you bet he’s the one in a corner still sipping a drink and watching it all go down with mild interest, and annoyance bc thanks for ruining the party. again. wont lift a finger to help either. until there’s a weapon pointed at own face. in which case better start praying.

will prob try to stare them down first bc excuse you want me to ruin this outfit you absolute heathen

see he’s been trained to fight too although he’s def not the best among faerie kind but can hold his own. it’s less of fighting more just whole lotta evading and letting his opponent tire themselves out like an idiot. bc that’s more fun

actually has no problem with seeing the clave burn down. might be aiding in that in the shadows ( has some.. questionable connections ) but like. not. directly. not in anyway that could ever be traced to him anyway

doesn’t necessarily want an all out war tho. that’d be just a hassle but he’s tIRED of shadowhunters and their righteous asses and superior attitudes. will still play nice with them ( most of the time.. some of the time. ) cause gotta keep up appearances and hey the more allies he can make the better

doesn’t have much of a problem with other downworlders. might clown them but means no ill I promise. had one nasty run in with a small group of vampires in europe back in the day which at the time left him on the verge of death and kind of shaken over the whole ordeal so. gets stupid tense when there’s more than two vampires in the same room

he’s the kind who acts being ( tentative ) friends with most everyone who he meets but no one really knows him. very guarded about his past & secrets and keeps everyone at an arms length, tho it might not feel like he’s doing that cause. yeah. it’s not out of ill will or anything. well, most of the time. he’s just careful over who to blindly trust– which is no one

likes messing with people but can be kind too. it all depends what mood he in and what energy you giving him

not exactly charitable, with money or anything but if you need help he most likely will agree to lend a hand. tho again, may not be for free

deep deep down wishes he could trust people, even one person enough to just be real with them and open and shit but also is well aware how dangerous that could be so. chooses not to act on those impulses of affection or whatever when they rise. tries not to at least

pansexual as hell. also stupidly picky so good luck with that

doesn’t do relationships anymore *addareyousureaboutthatgifhere* but who knows. prefers to keep it casual if anything does come to fruition either way

probably has a handful of enemies cause uh. kinda may have stabbed some people in the back along the way but in his defence they totally deserved it so. meh.

ANIMAL LOVER. THEY CAN DO NO WRONG.

a hoe for quality fashion don’t even get me started. his style itself is all over he place but if emery is wearing it, safe to assume it cost a fortune

needless to say he wears a ridiculous amount of jewellery too most of the time you can hear him coming a mile away. avid fan of arm bracelets

as most seelies he also has a tattoo on his face. lets just, pretend it looks something akin to the shadow curving down his cheek an trailing along left side of neck and further down collarbones in this pic aight

tho a lot of the times it would be at least partially covered by makeup, which he uses regularly anyway

has a weird obsession with the ocean, and by proxy the merpeople so any of you guys out there hmu

tech-savvy. has all the latest stuff. also plays computer/console games cause why not, mundanes never cease to amaze him with their creations. not that he’s necessarily all that good but it’s for fun who cares

kinda all around restless and needs something going on at all times, even if it’s reading a book, attending to the garden, any small things

for him the whole bond thing seemed intriguing as well as spelled trouble but emery’s all about that also he was deathly bored aight plus may have a personal mission to carry out and any chance to fuck with shadowhunters is tAKEN THANKS

bonded with @urslashdw :  the chaotic gays™

wasn’t too happy to know the bond would last longer than a couple weeks, but has turned that into an asset. well, as much as it can be one. totally using her as an excuse to get to snoop around and may or may not be mildly manipulative towards her and using the connection to own advantage when possible but. ya know. has grown attached as you do so is a little torn over it.

I’m stopping here jesus take the wheel thanks bye!

so ye if any of you wanted to plot come at me~ don’t have any proper pages up yet bc i’m tired and lazy just ask me if you wanna know something. seriously, I love rambling about my muse I promise it’s no problem at all

guess there’s a few roles I wouldn’t mind seeing filled so here’s a bullet point list if anyone gets an idea or wants to brainstorm specifics!

friends ( very broad term )

old friend/acquaintance ( someone he goes waaaay back with )

business acquaintance ( whatever it may be )

old flame ( could have ended on good or bad terms, should have taken place a good while ago. bonus points if they still have a piece of jewellery em made for them )

booty call ( for convenience sake :p )

enemies/frenemies ( i feel this is just him with most shadowhunters?????? maybe he betrayed/tricked you and you’re just endlessly bitter. but look, it’s your fault for trusting him at all. em probably feels bad about it now???? or just classic hating each other’s guts )

literally anything??!

actually gimme someone who was in europe during the whole vampire attack shenanigans and helped him out ( em would feel indebted. )

also someone who may also be okay with bringing down the clave and they lowkey vibing. but in secret.

idk man the messier the plot the louder i get for declaring my love for it so bring it babes~

also omg if I had a plot with you then you’d want to actually.. you know.. put in action now I’d be okay with that lmao

[herotheshiro]

ok i didn’t do a review of the phoenix wright trilogy but i’ll do a mini-write-up on apollo justice which i just finished earlier. this is mainly due to me looking up apollo justice/ace attorney afterwards and seeing ppl talk vaguely abt how and where the series and characters go after this... i wanted to add my 2 cents to the void of the internet i guess lol

spoilers for aa4 below

i think as a story, apollo justice is quite good but definitely a bit lacking in writing compared to the 1st trilogy. i feel like this is pretty much the common fan opinion, esp since the 1st trilogy was written all together as a 3-game-set and apollo justice has to conclude everything within 1 game. i think this game did real good at revealing info over time... i remember when they revealed the troupe gramarye poster and i was like WAIT... THAT’S SHADI SMITH... HOLD UP... personally though, i think the ending was not very strong for me -- i feel like we nailed kristoph almost a bit too easily at the end without much i guess concrete evidence linking him to everything even if basically everything was really pointing to him. [EDIT: lol ok reading summaries on aa4 and yeah apparently this is the point and why it being a jurist sys trial was so important… and the realization that he really could get nailed for the crime that he’s been paranoid abt for years made him break down at the end. Ok that makes sense I guess, I was just used to things playing out like the 1st trilogy where you would last min get decisive evidence lol] other than that, there was quite a number of loose ends that didn’t get tied up

so what happened to valant? i think the implication was that he was gonna turn himself in out of guilt even if he didn’t actually kill magnifi (sp?). and also w trucy having the rights i guess it would be complicated for the 2 of them to work that out. that whole aftermath wasn’t entirely clear to me esp since they didn’t give him a post-credits scene

so we’re not gonna get an explanation for why thalassa left her not-even-1-yo son to fend for himself? that was like my no. 1 thing i would’ve liked to get a reason for but the ending is just her being like oh yeah i remember now he’s my son and that’s it. no explanation for why she left him behind and returned to troupe gramarye w/o him. like at least a “oh it would’ve been complicated to bring a literal baby to raise back into that traveling group” would’ve sufficed, esp since we’re supposed to get the impression that lamiror is a kind woman. yet she left her damn kid behind with only a bracelet. were we just supposed to assume the explanation i gave above? i mean yes i’ve looked it up vaguely and i think we get more info on apollo’s growing up in later games but i’ve heard w very little mention of thalassa. which i mean i get, thalassa left him when he was around 1yo so he prob wouldn’t remember shit but man we never gonna get that explanation huh. it’s kinda messed up to leave this baby behind who i assume you care about; it’s another story if she didn’t want the kid and therefore didn’t care what happened to him but she left a bracelet w him which implies she does care

also the loose end of them not telling apollo and trucy they’re siblings. i’ll save this for a later paragraph though

also side note but when i was finishing the game up and before i saw the ending, i literally had a passing, very brief thought like “oh what if lamiror was actually trucy and apollo’s mom lol. what a crack thought” but then it actually happened... i mean it’s good to wrap up that mystery of lamiror’s past, plus they were insinuating so hard that maybe thalassa wasn’t actually dead lol so yeah you knew the mom was gonna pop up fr by the end

apollo himself as a character. now i’m not gonna nit-pick as much here bc he does show up again in later games w more backstory and character development as i’ve heard, but yeah he is very much a mystery character in aa4 i feel. he has basically no given history throughout the game, and the lack of detail made sense at first when you slowly started connecting the dots that he and the gramarye power were related, but then they never really shed any more light on him at the end. they really only reveal he and trucy are related just to explain why and how he has the power to perceive, not even to really indicate anything abt them as characters. i kinda forgot about this as i played the game, but i read a write-up by someone else being like “oh yeah phoenix you know his motivations as a defense attorney but apollo has basically none” and i was like yeah that’s right huh. bc the 1st trilogy reveals p early on that phoenix had a certain motivation to be a defense attorney but apollo you don’t get that, he’s just an attorney just to be an attorney i guess. which i mean is fine, you don’t always need a reason to do stuff sometimes, but it does make him a weaker character. i think maybe in the beginning they were like oh apollo respects kristoph as a lawyer but then they don’t really develop mpre  backstory there like how they met or why kristoph decided to take him on. i thought the latter was gonna be a point that was gonna come up, like maybe kristoph took apollo on as part of his large masterplan or something bc i think kristoph does mention being aware of apollo’s “power” but yeah they didn’t delve further into that. anyway i’ll go less on this bc i’ll just assume they had plans for him to show up in later games therefore they didn’t fully flesh him out here. otherwise that means they just didn’t bother on him other than him having the perceive power and having a personal relation to the whole gramarye case

how did drew misham or vera idk who painted it know abt all of apollo’s 3 cases? i thought it was gonna be like oh phoenix or kristoph saw all this coming and somehow told misham abt it who drew it but uh that didn’t happen. was that bc drew misham was following phoenix in the news and saw the stuff happening w apollo and was inspired to draw his cases? that was a dramatic reveal when apollo/trucy/ema found it out but i mean i guess it was just to show that misham was connected to them/the overall story more than just a simple jurist sys test case

the last writing thing i’ll mention is abt trucy and apollo being siblings. after the whole phoenix x maya crap in the 1st trilogy i suspected they were gonna do the same with apollo and trucy... thankfully they didn’t which was good bc i liked them a lot as a platonic duo, also since i actually thought apollo was 25yo for a while so that age gap is pretty weird too if you do it romantically. i suspected they were actually related p early on after discussing my playthrough w my sis who upon googling info said ‘lol i did say why not ship them but i will not say that anymore’ so i was like lol it’s prob bc she found out they were related or something. regardless i mean i would have suspected that anyway bc the game pushes the ‘oh this perceive power is really only seen in trucy’s family line’ so hard so it’s like not that hard to draw the line bw them, esp when they’re super vague abt apollo’s history and how he even got that bracelet in the 1st place. anyway i think it’s cute to imagine two siblings running all over town to solve shit. as expected tho, there are still ppl out there who ship them even after knowing the truth which is meh but i mean what do you expect of fandom/the internet.

although one of my biggest disappointments is the fact that apparently even in later games, the two never find out they’re siblings. i mean i guess it’s not a major plot point that NEEDS to be addressed as covered in point #3 above, but come on? their mom is literally still alive? a mom and her children reuniting and developing their family relationship again? i mean she’s been so distanced from them for so long that a family reunion would be awkward sure but zak literally made phoenix promise to tell trucy apollo was her bro so i’m surprised he never told her even before his conversation with thalassa at the end of the game. like i thought for sure they were gonna reveal their sibling relationship in aa4 but sadly my imagined revelation scene never happened

(i literally thought up a funny scene too... them seeing thalassa and both being like “MOM??” at the same time and then looking at each other in confusion before thalassa confirms that yes she is both of their moms. although this makes less sense on apollo’s part since he prob wouldn’t remember what she looks like but i mean same bracelets)

otherwise, gameplay was pretty interesting this time around. music was bopping tbh, i played aa4 right after finishing trials and tribulations and wow the music quality improvement was so obvious. the perceive thing was pretty cool and their tutorial on how to use it was super cute lol (apollo: that’s cool but i’m freaking out a little here // trucy: yeah your eyes are kinda bugging out); although absolutely hilarious on how apollo "explained” it in court... imagine a lawyer looking real hard at you and then being like ‘actually you swallowed weird when you said this therefore you’re lying’... i cannot even imagine how that sounded the 1st time to the judge and klavier... anyway i also thought the MASON technologies chapter was really interesting, w phoenix going back and forth through time and using evidence from the future for the past and vice versa. fun time traveling stuff!

ok and that’s kind of all i wanted to say i guess. i’m prob gonna try to stay in the dark on fan content stuff like i was purposely doing before playing aa... i was looking some stuff up and i was like ‘huh... i didn’t get this impression of apollo or the apollo/klavier ship when i was playing aa4...’ i don’t want to get my own opinion of these characters warped by fan content/others’ opinions so i might just take a bit of time to solidify how i feel about/characterize each of the characters before i trek out into fandom land. also it’s prob bc i haven’t played apollo’s later games since he supposedly gets more character dev later. tbh idk if i will bc to be frank i’ve been using emulators to play aa so far and i don’t think there’s a rom out for the later aa games on 3ds. i mean if there really isn’t, i’ll prob just watch a playthrough on YT so i can continue the aa story since i did like apollo as a character despite his lack of backstory.

i was considering skipping edgeworth’s games to go right to dual destinies and continue on apollo’s story/the aftermath of that game, but tbh i’m less incentivized to since i’ve heard that the story/character continuity aspect kind of goes out the window in later games (also the point abt apollo and trucy still being in the dark abt them being siblings. even though yes it wouldn’t change how they interact w each other, i would also prefer the fact to be known officially in-universe so characters don’t be freaks as apparently there are some lines in later games that are a little weird). i mean i could end up having a different opinion abt the continuity, but yeah seeing those comments did put a damper on me diving straight towards dual destinies. so i might just play edgeworth’s games first as i originally planned anyway since they were developed right after even if they take place before aa4