#or if it's actually repetitive/non connecting

[sesshy380]

Fuck, I want to write something so bad, but brain can no werd things in werd order to make non rambles.

[rxmye]

" 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐘 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 . . . "

𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂 𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐉𝐎𝐂𝐊 — Lucas Raine . . introduction | masterlist | requesting rules . . warnings : nsfw content / sixteen + content / gender neutral reader / yandere oc x reader / voyeurism kink / yandere jock / yandere content / pathetic / submissive(?) yandere /

Appearance: Lucas is pale (he's korean american) and a brunette, with light brown hair which is curly and cut in a mullet—which is almost always styled—he has a personal obsession with skin care (thanks to his ma) and he has glass skin. Lucas has vieny and large hands, along with a large physique that appears to be very overbearing to those around him—with a skinny waist—he stands at an outstanding 6,2ft. Lucas has hazel eyes, and during golden hour he'll stare at the sun and challenge it to a duel (he'll always fail), he often wears silver bracelets and has ears piercings, though he'll rarely wear earrings.

Character basic info: Lucas's birthday is on November the 3rd! He is bisexual, he has a hard time connecting with people, and has had a scarce amount of serious relationships, he usually loses interest fast, he's unamused and finds love repetitive and somewhat boring. Lucas is a possessive, obsessive, clingy, stalker type of yandere, who is somewhat dependent on you, not at much as Yoichi though.

backstory: Lucas is currently attending University for a degree in mechanical engineering and business, he got in through a sports scholarship, though he plans on becoming an athlete and is currently looking into it. Lucas is actually adopted, with two mom's, he calls them mom and ma respectively. His mom is a famous lawyer who is a perfectionist at heart, which seemed to have rubbed off on him as a result of observing her so much (he'd often read and do homework in her office). Lucas's ma on the other hand, put him in a whole lot of sports and afterschool programs, mainly because she wanted him to not be too feminine—and because she wanted him to try as many new things as possible. His parents can be a bit overbearing, but his childhood was decently comfortable, his parents were more than involved in his life and he couldn't be more grateful.

NSFW | 16 + CONTENT BELOW THE UNDERCUT . . .

Lucas is a switch, with an extremely high sex drive, he's a power bottom—he'll whine and nag as you have him pinned under you—he cries so easily, fucking into you, your insides so warm and soft—he's obsessed, he'll overstimulate you both, and leave you both a crying and sticky mess!!

As a top, Lucas is either rough or gentle, there's no in-between, he loves loves loves taking his time with you—savoring you—watching your face contort into pleasure as he has his way with you, his nails digging into your soft thighs, his mouth on your neck.

Lucas might have a small voyeurism kink—in the sense that he loses control around you, with you, to the sheer thought of you—you're like the off-switch to rationality, he seriously forgets where he is!! He can't help but grow—a little touchy, flirty, needy—the way your hands ghost over his own makes his knees weak!!—he really can't help it, if he's being a little out of hand . . if you didn't like it, you'd tell him to stop!!!

Lucas loves hickies, both receiving them and giving them . . . especially receiving them—mark him, make him your territory, he loves you, he loves being yours . . your hands on him are a delight, the feeling of your lips, teeth, saliva, on his skin is paradise, your marks—he wears them with sheer pride.

Kink-wise Lucas is into anything, he's very calm and open with anything, nothing is really a turn off for him . . spit on him, kick him, tie him down . . he doesn't mind!! . . Though he will be a bit more wary of doing the same to you . .

NON-NSFW HEADCANONS

Lucas's love languages are physical touch and acts of service, he'll have your favorite drink ready for you, every morning. He'll make handmade treats just for you—anything for you . .

Lucas collects small trinkets, and he has a special box filled with things he thinks you'd like—he's a bit embarrassed about it, it just seems very unlikely that someone like Lucas would collect trinkets, so he's a tinsy bit worried you'll judge him—which is weird since he's never really cared about anyone's opinion before you.

Lucas will get you to meet his parents pretty early onto any relationship, he just finds that if his parents like you, then it's a good sign beforehand, he's actually done this to all his friends and though he knows he'll marry you, and that you're the one . . . he wants you to meet the people who made him who he is now!

Lucas does have a note on his phone of the names of his future kids with you, and yes . . he does slightly plan on taking your last name . . . maybe. . possibly . . no comment.

@ rxmye , do not repost, plagiarize, translate, or adapt my work/theme without prior permission and or confirmation.

[nightcolorz]

I would love to hear your thoughts on autistic Armand, if you haven’t already spoke about this! Imo he’s very autsitic coded, and it’s very precious to me as an autistic iwtv fan :]

OMG!!! RUNS AROUND. Yes lmao I talk about this a lot actually it is one of my favorite Armand things to meta about bcus I’m also autistic and he is my special interest🙏I was trying to find some of the stuff I’ve written about autistic Armand but tumblrs search engine makes it near impossible to find anything so I gave up 😭, but believe me they r out there. Even tho I talk about this a lot I would love love love to talk about it some more for u anon because I can never get enough of armandtism.

I first figured Armand was autistic when I was reading the vampire Lestat because when he is first introduced he is completely non verbal and only communicates through the mind gift. through further explanation it’s very much implied that he does this because he finds putting his thoughts into words hard and he considers just projecting them into peoples brains much easier. Armand speaks out loud for the first time like more than halfway through the book, and lestat is surprised to hear him lol. This is super autistic I feel like that’s obvious 🙏 it’s basically the vampire power equivalent of using a non verbal communication device. Armand having trouble with connecting with people, understanding how to “fit in”, and talking r prevailing parts of his character throughout the whole series (not just tvl) which solidified my headcanon into basically a canon fact in my mind lol.

When Armand is first introduced in iwtv his strangeness is chalked up to his vampirism, but it’s soon revealed throughout tvl and qotd that Armand is considered a strange outcast by other vampires. The things he struggles with r unique to him and r not representative of vampires in general. His otherness/strangeness can also not be chalked up to his trauma or his age turned because Armand was also an outcast as a young child. It’s described in the vampire Armand that Armand was not understood by his parents or his community because he was obsessed with and freakishly good at painting. His community interprets his unusualness as a sign of some divine intervention, the priests believe he is a saint or a prophet sent to earth, even at times saying things implying that he is “not human”. Unusually high quickly developing skill in childhood is an autistic trait, as is hyper fixation on an activity/topic that becomes a core identity factor and prevailing obsession. The affects of Armand’s trauma only worsen the severity of his autistic traits. C-ptsd and autism often overlap and coexist in autistic people who were traumatized in childhood, which seems to be Armand’s case.

in queen of the damned Armand is at his peak autistic lol, I feel like this is when most book readers gain that head canon. The Devils minion chapter revolves around Armand using Daniel as a guide to help him learn how to be “normal” and to blend in to the modern age. Armand can’t seem to figure out how to blend in on his own because he is unable to understand social norms of any time period enough to integrate himself into society. Armand is in love with technology and what most would consider monotonous sensory experiences. He stares at his own reflection for hours, he loves kitchen appliances and watching ingredients whir in blenders, cameras, he watches the same movie over and over again and never gets bored of it. The way Armand fixates on technology really reminds me of how a lot of autistic people played as children. He enjoys repetitive, sensory behaviors over “fun”. For Armand this means watching the same things repeatedly, which is a form of visual stimming. There r moments where Armand is trying to understand his world, but is so blind to what he is trying to understand that he goes about his discoveries wrong. Such as in qotd when he tries to interrogate strangers to gain information on societal norms but he only gets uncomfortable glances. Armand is desperate to understand and to connect but he is consistently inherently alienated, whether it be from humanity or from other vampires or from himself.

Armand also can not process his memories comprehendingly. This is part trauma part autism, but autism is def a factor. Because of his repressed trauma induced memory loss Armand finds it difficult to talk about himself to people. This is worsened by Armand being unable to comprehend the aspects of story telling that he needs to be able to tell people about his life. Armand explains to Daniel that he vividly remembers small details, such as dates and weather, but he could not tell Daniel what “things were like” because he “doesn’t know what that means”. Literal thinking, the inability to grasp vague, fiction based concepts like narratives and metaphor, and strict fixation on minor details like numbers, are all autistic traits!

Armand also struggles heavily with emotional regulation. He is described as often having intense and extreme meltdowns where he cries and screams and breaks things. Armand is easily bothered, in tva he mentions that he covers his ears when he is overwhelmed. The vampire Armand begins actually with Armand becoming overwhelmed in public and trying to escape to an attic so that he can be alone in silence. Armand copes with his intense emotions by putting on a mask of neutrality. He is often described as expressionless and blank, uncanny. But this is a mask, and when Armand can no longer mask and his disguise lapses his facial expressions r described by lestat as being so over the top and emotional that they are disturbing and weird. Over the top unnatural facial expressions as well as blank unreadable ones are both autistic traits. For Armand he is naturally overly emotive to the point of being considered horrifying, and he hides this by taking the opposite extreme. Either way, either expression Armand puts on causes him to be socially outcast.

Armand often describes feeling like there is something wrong with him that causes him to be isolated from others and he’s not sure what it is. In prince lestat he tells Gregory that he doesn’t know why it’s so hard for him to have relationships when other vampires are fully capable of doing that. In the vampire Armand he explains to David that he’s crazy because his mind isn’t built right and his senses are tripled so he shouldn’t bother trying to understand him. I rlly relate to this as someone who felt like I was from another dimension as a child bcus i didn’t know the unspoken life rules everyone else did.

Armand is often treated like a child by the other vampires and assumed to be emotionally immature and too fragile and insane to be helpful. Armand says in the vampire Armand that he doesn’t consider himself an adult because he can’t function like one. This could be due to the age he was turned, but it’s shown to us that characters like Benji and even to an extent Claudia r able to self regulate and function appropriately despite being turned even younger then Armand was.

in conclusion, book Armand is an autistic person who was never given proper support or understanding because the environment and the time period he was born in decided to alienate him further rather then work to help him socialize and learn appropriate skills, and because of the necessities he has been deprived of and the horrible trauma he endured Armand is never able to learn to function in the way he was likely capable of. this recessive quality in pair with his autism caused Armand it be unable to cope or self regulate or learn ways to understand himself since he wasn’t given a chance to in his formative years. He’s a great representative of what many autistic people who experienced intense child abuse experience.

Im rlly happy with the shows portrayal with Armand so far partly because he is omg, so autistic. Show Armand shares so many of book Armand’s autistic traits. inability to understand himself or others, fixation on small details but inability to understand the big picture, etc. even his iPad is autistic asf! My ipad is my comfort item that I carry around with me to self sooth, and this is def the vibe Armand’s iPad gives me in the show. Even assads performance is autistic! He is able to play Armand masking and Armand unmasking, the stilted expressions he gives and the blank stares, the uncomprehending earnestness. AGHHHH!! Assad stims with his fingers when Armand is nervous too which is just an amazing touch. I hope the show explores Armand’s autism, because that would literally be a dream come true. Even still, for now I’m satisfied.

thank u so so much anon for the ask this made me so happy 🙏❤️ autistic Armand means so much to me and has gotten me though some tough times. Understanding and analyzing Armand helps me understand myself better and feel more comfortable with how I am. Earlier this year I gave myself a concussion because I was harmfully stimming during a meltdown, and while I was in the emergency room I was holding the vampire Armand and imaging that he would relate to what I was going through. So yeah he is very special to me too! And once again it makes me so so happy that u got me to talk some about it. I hope this was coherent or interesting lol I felt like I was all over the place

[schizopositivity]

could you share any more under-talked about symptoms of schizophrenia, like executive dysfunction?

I've actually been meaning to make a post like this but keep forgetting (lol that's a symptom). As a disclaimer, not everyone with schizophrenia has every one of these symptoms, and people can have a lot of these symptoms and not have schizophrenia (if they don't have the psychotic symptoms). Not all of these symptoms are seen as diagnostic criteria, some have just been observed to be very common in people with schizophrenia. (I'm excluding hallucinations and delusions because they are more well known)

• Paranoia: a pattern of behavior where a person feels distrustful and suspicious of other people and acts accordingly. This can go hand in hand with hallucinations and delusions.

• Disorganized thoughts: this can mean a lot of things. It can be not having a linear train of thought, having incoherent thoughts, thought blocking, general disorganized thoughts. (It can be hard to define because it is often hard to describe for the person experiencing it).

• Disorganized speech: this is often a result of the disorganized thoughts. This can include loose associations like rapidly shifting between topics with no connections between the topics. Perseveration, which is repeating the same things over and over again. Made up words that only have meaning to the speaker. Use of rhyming words without meaning. Word salad, which is when cognitive disorganization is severe, it can be nearly impossible to understand what the person is saying, but the person speaking doesn't know they aren't making sense.

• Trouble concentrating: lack of concentration, switching from topic to topic, not being able to focus on one thing. (This is pretty self explanatory).

• Movement disorders: catatonia can be repetitive non goal directed movements. It can also be complete or partial immobility, mutism, vacant staring, and rigidity. Although not a symptom, tardive dyskinesia can occur in schizophrenia as a result of antipsychotics medication.

• Anhedonia: a loss of pleasure in activities that the person once enjoyed. Or the inability to feel pleasure at all.

• Atypical or non-existent emotional expression: Flat or blunted affect is an inability to show emotions characterized by a lack of facial expression, a monotone voice, and no hand gestures. On the other hand people can also have inappropriate affect, where the emotional expression doesn't align with typical reactions or even the person's own feelings.

• Alogia: when someone speaks less, says fewer words or only speaks in response to others. This can be a result of disorganized thoughts.

• Social withdrawal: avoiding people and activities that someone once enjoyed. Not actively being present during social situations. Can progress to total isolation.

• Avolition: a severe lack of initiative to accomplish purposeful tasks. This is a big reason some people with schizophrenia can't work/go to school, can't do chores, and can't keep up with their basic hygiene. Even if the person wants to do these tasks, it may be extremely difficult or impossible for them to get themselves to start or complete the task due to the lack of motivation.

• Executive dysfunction: a behavioral symptom that disrupts a person's ability to manage their own thoughts, emotions and actions. This can include focussing too much on one thing, being easily distracted, spacing out, struggling to switch between tasks, problems with impulse control and trouble starting difficult or boring tasks. Several schizophrenia symptoms fit into the umbrella of executive dysfunction, so when researching you will either see the specific ones listed out, or just simply described as executive dysfunction.

• Alexithymia: significant challenges in recognizing, expressing, and describing one's own emotions.

• Poor memory: this can include working memory deficits like trouble planning, organizing, and carrying out daily chores such as running errands, because it requires mentally formulating a “to do” list organized by time and location. Many people with schizophrenia also report trouble with their episodic memory, which means they have trouble recollecting things in the context of their place and time. (A lot of sources say "trouble with memory" is a symptom but they don't specify).

• Trouble with decision making: people with schizophrenia have been shown to have trouble with decision making due to a decline in the understanding and reasoning aspects of it.

• Sensory processing deficits: this has been widely reported in schizophrenia, and include impairments in visual processing, auditory processing, olfactory and sensorimotor systems. This can lead to having strong positive or negative reactions to sensory information.

• Sleep troubles: though disturbed sleep isn't included in the diagnostic criteria for schizophrenia, it is still a significant problem that up to 80% of people with the condition experience. People with schizophrenia may have various sleep problems, including insomnia, excessive daytime sleepiness, and trouble with consistent sleep routines.

• Anosognosia: also called "lack of insight," is a symptom that impairs a person's ability to understand and perceive their illness. This is a big reason people with schizophrenia may refuse to get, or stay with treatment.

[itgomyway]

what the human condition is and how it involves the ego 🪐

who are you?

hi! my name is calypso :) the one who usually talks about non dualism. the one who just answered you is the ego. the ego is the FALSE sense of self. the idea that i am a girl teaching others about nd is false. the idea that i have a job is false. my name, age, religion, gender, financial status, beliefs, all of these are a part of the false sense of self. aka the ego. the ego is apart of you but since all of the aforementioned had to come to your awareness, its not actually real. its apart of the human condition.

my version of the human condition (this stems away from the general teachings of nd and go with how i decide the universe works) : we are “born” or land on this planet as beings of consciousness inhabiting human bodies. idk why we are here that doesnt really matter but the gag is, the more we identify with the false sense of self given when we land the less control we gain over our surroundings. also don’t know why this occurs but some of us are lucky to break free, most with the help of guides (astrology, tarot, loa, etc).

unfortunately growing up, a lot of us were taught by those who never broke free and are still under the human condition. i consider it the ego’s perception of life personified. example, if you hold the belief that you’re unlovable and you identify with this belief this is what youll experience in the human condition. this is also the 3d and 4d stuff with manifestation. manifestation is just consciousness identifying as the ego so it can understand its version of events. no events actually take place however.

so what now?

by default, our brains are more comfortable identifying as human. we could use conscious affirmations and repetition to change beliefs about being human. this makes ego identification easier. you could also just… not participate and exist as consciousness.

whats the difference?

ego identification means you are going to be human you want to manifest better jobs and relationships with others and connect meaningfully. you want to pursue passions and have an abundance of wealth. all beautiful things possible with loa 🫶

or you can do what i usually like to do which is remove the ego attachment from all of that. like sometimes i just want things not necessarily to improve my “life” but bc i just do. i have no plans for a future that doesnt exist. i live presently and accept what comes. i play the game of life but not as the victim as the maker and i create as it comes consciously all the time.

which one is right or wrong? which one is easier or harder? im not sure. thats entirely up to you. all you really need to know is that whether or not you decide to play the game, the game is gonna keep running. do what best suits you

© itgomyway

[transmutationisms]

i have a handful of anonymous asks in my inbox right now asking about harm reduction as applied to eating disorders that their loved ones are experiencing. i'm not answering these individually, both because it would get repetitive and because i don't know your loved ones and can't give them personal advice, but i did want to say a few general things on this topic.

the basic principles of harm reduction are the same in regards to EDs as anything else. the point here is not to force a person to stop doing something dangerous (this is impossible) or even to pressure them to stop (this also doesn't work, and will often have the effect of making you into a person they don't feel safe around and can't turn to for help, thus actually decreasing their access to support and resources). instead, the goal of harm reduction generally is to give people the knowledge and resources they need to engage in risky behaviours as safely as possible. the reasons people do things that are physically or socially harmful to them vary, obviously, but in general these behaviours are serving some purpose in the person's life, like providing emotional 'blunting' they need to deal with otherwise intolerable circumstances, or meeting a physical need for specific substances. harm reduction meets people where they are, beginning with the premise that they deserve basic respect, dignity, and self-determination, whether or not they continue to engage in behaviours that may be endangering them.

some baseline harm reduction strategies for EDs could include:

take necessary safety precautions if (over)exercise is a feature of the disorder, or if you are at risk for fainting; ideally, have someone around (or reachable by phone) who can help in case of injury

do your best to compensate for any micronutrient deficiencies resulting from food restriction; dietary supplementation may be necessary

know if any substances/pharmaceuticals you may use (recreationally or not) can affect you more strongly, faster, or more dangerously on an empty stomach; here, harm reduction for EDs will overlap with harm reduction for drug use

know the signs of electrolyte imbalance and resultant cardiac events, particularly in EDs involving purging by laxative use or self-induced vomiting; keep a stockpile of items like sports drinks/gels that can rapidly replenish electrolytes; know where to seek emergency medical treatment and how to recognise when it may be vitally necessary

monitor long-term health risks, like bone density loss, tooth enamel damage, hyperglycaemia (in cases of diabulimia), &c. note that both this step and the above require finding medical practitioners who will treat patients non-judgmentally and without threat of institutionalisation

....and so forth.

harm reduction plans are highly individualised: they depend on the person's own goals and desires. a harm reduction plan might include strategies for engaging in ED behaviours less frequently or intensely, and may even include a long-term goal of recovery. however, harm reduction has not 'failed' if the person doesn't want to, or can't, reduce frequency or severity of behaviours right now or ever. ED harm reduction that does include goals for reducing behaviours, without necessarily trying to eliminate them entirely, might include strategies like:

purge less frequently; avoid or reduce flushing and chew/spit

reduce food restriction by raising calorie limits, not counting calories at all, eating certain 'fear foods', &c

identify triggers for restriction, binging/purging, &c; try to avoid those triggers (& possibly enlist assistance doing this)

ask someone trusted to eat with you if this would help you, for example, become more comfortable with eating non-restrictively, and turn eating into a social connection rather than a stressful event

consume a sufficient amount of food regularly and consistently <- this is the bedrock of all recovery work

again, though, the particular strategies in a person's harm reduction plan will depend on what they want to implement and are capable of doing right now. a person who's not ready for any step that asks them to engage in fewer behaviours, or to engage in behaviours less frequently, can still benefit from a harm reduction approach if they're interested. this is a conversation that should always be approached non-judgmentally and with the understanding that any harm reduction plan depends on the person's own capacities and goals. harm reduction is not about telling someone else what would be 'best' for them in an 'ideal' world. it's about meeting them where they are right now.

something important to note about EDs is that efforts to restrict food and food groups and to shrink body size are considered extremely common and 'normal' in much of the contemporary popular culture, and are frequently encouraged and prescribed by medical practitioners. this means that even when you are worried about someone with a self-endangering ED, there is often a considerable risk that, in trying to help them, you might still be promoting or acceding to the same fatphobic logic that can fuel the ED. if you, for instance, think that pursuing intentional weight loss is generally benign or healthy; if you have ideas about what size a person's body 'should' be based on things like actuarial charts; if you think that some foods are universally 'bad' and need to be restricted or eliminated; if you think that food should be 'earned' or compensated for by physical activity—stop, do not pass go, and do not try to dispense any kind of advice, harm reduction or otherwise, to someone struggling with an ED. you are not capable of being a resource here unless and until you are committed to a politics of fat liberation, disability rights, mad liberation, and anti-racism. you are not reducing harm if you are contributing to further entrenching the cultural beliefs and economic mechanisms of fatphobia and body fascism that the ED itself thrives on.

(**i am not saying that all EDs start or end with the desire to be thin as articulated through white supremacist body ideals, but it is a very common feature at this moment in history, and having these ideas reinforced, including through the lens of medical fatphobia, can certainly contribute to or worsen already-present behaviours and thought patterns where EDs are concerned.)

harm reduction also means giving a person the knowledge they need to evaluate their own goals and needs. in regards to EDs specifically, lots of public health communication is confounded by industry-funded diet and 'obesity' research that prescribes food restriction, compensatory exercise, and other recognisably 'eating disordered' behaviours, especially to fat people. many people with EDs, and their loved ones, may not even realise how many misconceptions they have learned about body size, nutrition, and the health risks of EDs. some basic places to start learning about these things from a weight-neutral / fat-liberationist angle that i would suggest include: christy harrison's podcast 'food psych' (her book is also decent but treads a lot of the same ground); gwyneth olwyn's work; lindo bacon and lucy aphramor's papers on 'health at every size'; jennifer gaudiani's book 'sick enough', which is a good starter resource on the medical effects of EDs. note that none of these resources are working within an explicitly harm reductionist framework, and imo make some missteps in this arena! but they still contain insights and information that can be useful to those who are interested in harm reduction, and to those with EDs generally.

harm reduction can be a tool to recovery, or a step on that road; it can also be an alternative for people who are not ready to seek recovery, and who may never be ready. the reality is that you cannot force someone to stop engaging in behaviours they rely on to live, whether drug use, EDs, or anything else. harm reduction proceeds from this place and from a fundamental commitment to respect for people who are generally already suffering. when approaching a loved one, you may or may not be able to initiate a conversation in which you express, eg, that you are worried about them hurting themselves, and would like to offer whatever emotional or material resources you can to help. but you have to go into any such interaction understanding that they may very well already know all of the risks of what they're doing, and may have other reasons they can't or don't want to stop. if you're trying to impose your will on them---by force, pressure, or coercion---you're not doing harm reduction, and you're most likely alienating them and turning yourself into a person they don't feel safe around where these behaviours are concerned.

[hiranospiercing]

shounen ai mangas that should be a part of your reading list if you enjoy reading healthy and plot driven romances- part 1.

I've been reading bl for years now, the reason why i indulged myself into reading this particular genre was simply because shoujo as a genre is too repetitive, most tropes are overused and it's honestly really hard to find good stories once you've finished the easily accessible popular franchises.

boys love is divided into two sub genres, yaoi and shounen ai, I personally do not enjoy reading smut, it's a different story if intimacy plays an important point for the character development of the characters in the story, but i'am not a huge fan of the porn being used as the plot device for the entire manga and hence i won't be including yaoi mangas in this list.

1. Sayonara, Heron.

Sayonara, Heron is one of those mangas that remain ambiguous and non-linear for the majority of the time but gradually intensify itselves once the ending is near without losing it's delicacy, i won't be talking about the plot since i want you to experience this 7 chapter long manga the way i did, without knowing anything about it, but it's simply about family and relationships, the art style is so pretty, the rooftop, the cigarettes, the kisses, everything. I do not see enough people talking about it and maybe you should help me change that.

2. We're still in the spring of life.

Academics, Aerospace and Adorability, everything about this manga is so heart warming, the hesitation in the beginning of a friendship which ends with a comfortable yet passionate relationship, the naps, the math equations and the confessions, this manga is simply about two boys growing together by simultaneously relying on each other. Also the rocket metaphors have my heart, read it to find them out.

3. Our dining table.

I've always been a huge fan of child care as a separate genre on it's own, but this manga is one of the only romance mangas where the child care part of it actually plays a huge role for the development of the characters, it honestly isn't forced like some omegaverse stories rather it's comforting and actually heart warming to read, the food being used as a love language, the friendships and the bonding amidst the family and the main character is beautiful, give it a go if you want to experience legit therapy lol.

4. Blue sky complex.

Blue sky complex is one of the few shounen ai mangas which seems authentic and raw because of the awkwardness of the characters, the relationship between the characters is easily connectable in the sense that you get the insight of how their head actually works and makes those decisions, it explores gay relationships in a very interesting way, and honestly is very close to my heart because well it's the GLASSES GUY X GOOF BALL trope yet again.

5. Yuki no shita no qualia.

Now, this manga vaguely reminds me of sayonara, heron but honestly is a lot more strong with what it wants to explore, it's one of those mangas that will accidentally make you cry because of the beauty of it's characters and the development of their relationship.

"i think you make me kinder," is better than any "i love you".

[spectrumgarden]

I keep thinking about how no one seems to think about nuance when it comes to like, the concept of "autistic traits / symptoms" and discussing them, and how that is intertwined with the push to not consider it a disability. And its complex to discuss, but here's my convoluted thoughts. I know it's long but I hope people will take the time to read it.

There are in fact people who do fit some commonly associated with autism traits that are not impaired by them. Let's make up a guy, for a second:

They like routine and repetition a lot but easily handle change in them. For example they wear the same set of clothes for years with no desire to ever branch out, but if you made them wear something else they wouldnt really be bothered by it as long as they dont think it's super ugly, etc. They like to watch the same movies over and over but happily agree to watch other things with their friends when spending time together, and are engaged and interested in those movies. Etc. They speak very formally or choose "complicated" words for things that could be expressed easier. They however do not face problems with communication beyond annoyance of others because they're able to rephrase things easily to be understood, and they also have a normal back and forth in conversations and initiate conversations normally. They sometimes engage in subtle self stimulating behaviors and recognize the desire to do so during boring or stress inducing times (which pretty much everyone does, btw). They dislike loud environments but do not respond with melt- or shutdowns or any other "severe" reactions, and while for example preferring to go to a museum over a club, they easily go through their daily life in busy areas like city centers, shops or cultural events like parades without issues beyond like, mild annoyance and no desire to stay for longer than necessary. They have strong interests in seemingly random topics and spend quite some time researching or engaging with those, but they do not view the world through the lense of said interest, they do not neglect caring for themselves or fulfilling academic or professional responsibilities because they are so engrossed in their interests, they are easily able to hold conversations about other topics. I could go on.

This person would not be diagnosed with autism by any doctor who pays attention to the impairment clause of the diagnosis. They would probably be told "you're subclinical / you do not meet enough criteria / ..." While his person would probably relate quite a bit to (parts of) descriptions of (level 1 and / or low support needs and / or high masking) autism. And this is an imaginary person I made up, but these people obviously exist (and as a side note, are probably what people refer to when they talk about "everyone being a little autistic" etc)

And this person being told they're not autistic might be upset. Because clearly, they have so many autistic traits. They relate to so many videos! But the thing is! There is no impairment! The one thing that connects all of the symptoms related to autism to the actual diagnosis. This does not mean they do not in fact relate to the autistic experience. This does not mean these parts of their life or personality are fake / non existent / not important to who they are and how they experience things. But it is important to differentiate. If they consider themselves autistic, if the world considers them autistic, it waters down the definition to a point of being categorically useless from a medical standpoint, from a standpoint of figuring out who needs support and in what ways. Who needs (early) intervention, who needs extra support in school or at work or at home or in public.

And like. Humanity at large will probably always want to shove themselves into random categories. "Which character are you like?" "What is your personality style?" "What is your star sign?" or "which sports team do you support", and countless more come to mind. I dont think this imaginary person is wrong or silly for wanting to find a category of people they are like, or recognizing this similarity with some autistic people. I wouldnt even mind if they made up a non-clinical category / group of people who relate to autistic experiences without the impairment. It would get the point across that it is a group of people with shared experiences, but it is not the same as autism.

However autism is increasingly treated like something thats just a personality type without impairment, by people online and offline. And when they go "this is an autism symptom" without nuance, without looking at the need for impairment, or even differential diagnosis, it spreads that attitude. "Liking to eat the same foods is an autistic trait"... or is it normal to have food preferences to a degree if it does not cause you stress to eat new foods, if you are capable of eating other food if hungry and presented with them and not the food you prefer? Or is this person anorexic and their mind has created categories of "allowed to eat" and "not allowed to eat" based on arbitrary categories relating to their fear of weight gain? "Only eating with small spoons at home is a common autistic trait"... or is it a harmless preference as long as you are still able to eat food outside a strict routine set up with zero possible deviations? Or is it a person with OCD and eating with small spoons is a compulsive behavior for some sort of intrusive thoughts?

I could go on forever. But in the end, these short sentences are all the same. They are, at the same time: autistic experiences and allistic experiences, because they are so non specific. They are watered down and any additional information is removed.

autism is about a specific combination of experiences that impair you. That's literally all it is. It does not automatically turn us into a category of "other" that is fully not possible to relate to, because we are human too. And some of it will be relatable to people that are not autistic!

And there is value in discussions of experiences of autistic people that go beyond the impairment, as long as we do not forget about it, or treat it as secondary instead of the defining factor. I dont mind if autistic people bond over something they're not impaired by, that they see as a common experience, for example not easily going along with authority. Being creative. Preferring the small spoon (without being impaired by it while having other impairments), whatever, and call those common autistic experiences. But those are not the pillars of what make up autism and solely relating to them should not be your reason for calling yourself autistic. Neither should relating to commonly impairing symptoms without being impaired by your version of them. The impairments resulting from abnormal development are what makes someone autistic.

There needs to be more nuance, detail, when discussing autism symptoms. And the push to, at the very least, expand autism into an area of experiences that do not cause impairment of any kind, or worse claim it never caused impairment, need to stop. It does not help anyone.

I genuinely think part of the whole "everyone is autistic these days" crowd who likes to go after people and invalidate them has picked up on some of this, but they lack the skills to criticize it for what it actually is and / or they want there to be a simple solution, which is that everyone who calls themselves autistic online who does not fit their very stereotypical view is faking. They are wrong of course. But I dont think this comes out of nowhere. There is something to criticize about how autism is treated in many circles, especially among younger people.

I'm really not sure how to end this post because I like to come to some conclusions on my long posts but just. Uhm. The way some people treat "autistic traits" as completely unrelated to the impairment they cause while staying exclusively autistic traits is wrong. The way people try to redefine autism is harmful and in the end not needed because they could simply invent other words for that experience.

[iwonderwh0]

Another fic idea that I'll never write:

Connor accidentally transfers from his body and temporarily exists as non-physical entity in Hank's devices

Starts with situation where there's something that requires Connor to be connected to computer via cable (like for example to manually delete some CyberLife junk that slows down the system and lost its purpose) and needs Hank's help to be there and do what it takes, because Connor needs to be in stand by for this to work, so he's just sitting/lying next to him completely limp with caple connected to the back of his neck.

At some point something goes wrong and Hank's computer goes into restart, and when it loads Hank notices that first this CL maintenance program loads in, then blank text document opens on his computer and in a matter of seconds text appears, first some unreadable wall of symbols, then normal text, something along the lines of

"Hank, are you there? I'm afraid my program is running on your computer. I'm trying to move but I'm not sure if it's going through. Am I moving right now?"

Then

"If you're there please write something, I can't hear you."

Hank will stare at the screen, then at motionless Connor next to him, when he look back at the screen there'll be another couple of messages asking him to write something and from the way they're written and the speed at which new text appears it'll look like an escalating panic – from just asking Hank to write something it'll turn into begging to at least interact somehow with the computer, at some point within merely a second they'll start to appear too quickly to read. Hank'll grab keyboard and as fast as he can write something, maybe first just gibberish to write something asap, then delete it and write

"Connor?"

New wave of about a ten new lines of text will appear, most of which just repetition of the general message of "yes, I'm here"

"Can you hear me?" Hank will ask at loud, then type it after not getting any response

Another wave of lines of text with general message being "No, I can't hear you. I can't see you. I can't move." and "please don't leave me", desparation slipping through the lines

Hank will ask if he can do something to fix it

"I don't know" will appear on one line after another in some slight variations, then

"Can you connect some mic and headphones? I can't find any available."

Hank will look around the room, then type "wait, I'll go grab some" to which another wave of desperate "Please don't leave" appear in response, then "when will you get back?"

Unsure if he should go search for headphones at all Hank will type

"3 min"

Then search for headphones

"Connor?" He'll call again, hearing some noise his headphones "Hey, hey, can you hear me now?"

"Yes. I can hear you, but I can't move. I don't- I don't feel like I have any body at all"

"So you're in my computer... How did that-"

"Am I still connected?"

Hank moves to check that Connor has cable securely connected to the port on the back of his neck, and on the other side it's just as properly inserted into according port on the computer. He carefully moves Connor to confirm that one more time.

"Did you feel that?" Hank asks

"Feel what?"

After initial panic when both of them get slightly calmer they'll come to realisation that in order to allow the kind of changes they were about to make android's mind is basically temporarily transferred into another device, in their cases Hank's computer, but due to some mistake in process, computer went into a restart, so no transfer back occured + some component burned down making transfer back temporarily impossible (unless it's replaced). Or idk how it works, it's actually against my headcanons, but fuck it. The point is that this will take time to replace it, because it has to be ordered as something custom that can't be found as it is available the same day.

Without the need to move actual physical body (that occupies most of the resources) actual "mind" is not so big so it can even run on a phone, which is exactly what happens next. (Don't attack me, it's a silly little story idea, so let me have fun)

So for a couple of days or up to a week Connor exists within this non-physical predicament, learning ways to interact with other devices (like connecting to cameras that are within same network just to see something, although it's hard to understand the depth (regular cameras are sure different than the ones used for android's eyes)), surfing the web, etc. Basically like in the movie "Her"(2013) but as a temporary measure.

During this time Hank adopts a habit of wearing a headphones (or just one) at practically all times just to keep Connor a company while he's like that, because (at least at first) he's freaking out and is really opposed to the thought of being left alone even for a short time, because without a body and barely any inputs from the real world (compared to usual amount and quality) the experience is way too similar to non-existence and shit is understandably freaky. It seems like constantly having such a company, basically enduring someone else's presense at almost all times can rapidly become annoying and unbearable, but somehow it quickly becomes a second nature instead. In a way it's even nice. Consequently they talk more than ever, often ending up discussing something minor or ridiculous, something they'd never talked about otherwise, just because they're basically getting used to thinking out loud with a company.

Story ends with Hank finally replacing the component that got broken with a new one, allowing Connor to finally transfer back. The image of his body moving for the first time after being completely still for a relatively long period of time seems to me weirdly adorable. Being able to finally move and feel again must be similar to the feeling of wearing the right type of glasses for the first time after living with way too weak ones without realising how fucking blind you actually are. But yeah, it must be about 10 times better than that.

The first thing after finally being able to feel physically present like an actually existing person? A hug. Of course.

[mistywaves98]

yfsdtydcstshegwsvjhgv hear me out hear me out,,,, yandere!scara controlling reader like he did Haypasia but instead of just making her follow him, he turns the reader into his personal cumdump- reader tries oh so hard to fight back, watching as if its a movie as her body is used as a fucktoy for the ex-harbringer- but the thing is, after a while of this, the reader begins to believe everything he says, that her only purpose in life is to bring him pleasure and becomes scara's perfect obedient little pet <3

-super duper cool anon

This is such a juicy idea anon!

Edit: I think I strayed a bit from what the ask said, sooo uhh, really sorry about that anon 😬😔

✧･ﾟ:* Yandere! Scaramouche x Fem! Reader

✧･ﾟ:* ¡Warnings!: Not proofread, Yandere themes (but not that intense), Non con, Degradation, Lots of repetition of words, collaring, rough sex, Mean! Scaramouche, Kidnapping, I think that's it!

✧･ﾟ:* Minor writing smut! DNI if uncomfy!

✧･ﾟ:* Reblogs are greatly appreciated!

As another one of the scholars who dedicated their lives to trying to connect their consciousness to Irminsul, that is what you spent all of your time doing. Yes, you knew of the tales of what happened to most of those who did manage to accomplish such a task but your desire for the kind of knowledge you could potentially gain blocked out any protests against your actions.

One time you actually saw something while meditating, visions of some sort and although they were blurry and barely distinguishable, it excited you. Since then, you've been training hard, hoping to experience that again.

You heard from somewhere that the Palace of Alcazarzaray was a good place to practice your meditation, so that's where you could be found as the days followed. As you meditated more and more, you could feel yourself getting closer and closer to your goal, it was only a matter of time, you told yourself. However, you also realized that during the rare times when you weren't meditating, you felt dazed and unfocused and often times you swore you saw something, or glimpses of someone. Though this worried you to a very small extent, instead, you thought you just needed to work a little harder. Eventually it got to a point where you spent all your time meditating, evoking worry from your relatives. In fact, the only thing that stopped you from meditating full time was them coming to 'snap you out of it' as they said. This annoyed you very much and although you knew they meant well, you were too close now and you had already accepted the risks this journey was accompanied with.

So, taking a small choice of possessions, you went to a remote, isolated part of the forest where you would meditate for days on end, not sleeping, eating or drinking. Strangely enough, your body seemed fine with it too, you weren't fatigued at all, it was just the haziness and hallucinations.

Now you were sitting on the floor of the cave, face relaxed but at the same time fixed with an expression of concentration. You focused....and focused.....and focused.....

Yes....

You could feel it, just a little more....

Your eyes suddenly shot open.

Scanning your surroundings you immediately realized something was off. The earth seemed to be layered with a gray tint and there was someone standing right in front of you with their back turned.

"Have...I...finally done it once more? Is....my consciousness.... connected to Irminsul?" You hesitantly ask, "Hmph. Not even a 'hello' at least? I expected better from my first follower."

What? What is he talking about? But wait.... He seems familiar..."Who...are you?" It's difficult to talk, your mind feels heavy and your vision is blurring momentarily. "Me? They call me Scaramouche or 'the Balladeer.' I am a member of the eleven fatui Harbingers but soon I will be known as the god of Sumeru. For now, however, you will address me as 'master,' understood?" He turned around and you were met with two purple eyes glaring down at you. The Harbingers? You've heard of that before, back when you were in the Akademiya, they're from Snezhnaya, right?

Scaramouche's voice brings you out of your thoughts,"I said, 'is that understood?' " "U-uh, yes....master..." His frown turns into an expression of smugness. "Good, I suppose you're pretty baffled by the situation you've found yourself in, but I'll have some mercy and explain it to you."

Your eyes widen when he reveals that he had been watching you ever since you had that experience with the indescribable visions. Those were...his memories? And apparently he's going to become a god? And he has chosen you as his first follower? "Why, you may ask? Well, no one has ever managed to connect directly to my consciousness before, so I took this as a sign. A sign that you are the chosen one." Huh, so you didn't connect to Irminsul after all and instead you're peering into the consciousness of one of the Harbingers? This information is hard for your now unstable mind to process. It hurts...You bring a hand to your aching forehead and try to soothe the pain. "...Can't...focus.."

Suddenly, a hand grips your jaw and tilts your head up so that you make eye contact with him,"You look so dumb right now, but it's alright, you won't need to think much from now on." You gasp as he kisses you roughly, pushing his tongue into your open mouth. His hands grab both of your wrists in a painful grip as he shoves you into the ground, lips still connected. You try struggle under his grip, only to find you can barely move. You try breaking the kiss but not only does he push harder, you can't even move your head and when he pulls away, you cringe at the strings of saliva between you two.

"Why...?" Is all you can manage as you gasp for breath,"Don't ask questions, all you need to know is that you are going to be my little stress toy from now until the day you die." His tone is snappy and you shut up at once, mind hazy. Scaramouche looks as your flushed face and chuckles darkly,"Your mind is weak, you can't even think straight, can you? And without the ability to properly process things you leave your body in a very vulnerable state, don't you know that? Hehe, I'm going to have so much fun with you..." He was right, your mind was under so much strain during your intense meditation sessions, now you don't have the brain to fight back.

His hands let go of your wrists and began to trail down your body, stopping to cup your breasts. You couldn't help but moan as he massaged the soft flesh through your clothes. Then, without warning he tore your top apart, exposing the white bra confining your chest. He made quick work of that two and as soon as the piece of fabric fell to the ground, his fingers went up to flick your now-hard nipples. Suddenly he gave them both a particularly harsh tug, grinning when you yelped in pain. With one hand playing with your left breast, he used his free hand to hike up your obnoxiously long skirt.

"You don't even wear a pair of shorts under this? Such a whore." He smirked at the help you let as as he smacked your pussy. You bit your lip as whimpers threatened to leave your throat as he used his slender fingers to circle your clothed clit. "Please....stop..." "Stop? When you are this wet? Just admit it, you're getting off on your god fucking you." "No...I—" You gag as Scaramouche stuffs three fingers deep down your throat "Stop talking and suck if you know what good for you."

When he finally decided you're wet enough, he slipped your panties off and pocketed them despite your protests. He then flips you unto your stomach before taking his cock out of the confines of his pants,"Now we move on to my favourite part."

A ragged scream is ripped from your throat as he immediately bottomed out inside of you. The situation doesn't get any better when he starts moving right after, barely giving you time to adjust to his size. His pace is fast and his thrusts are brutal, your body rocks back and forward with each slam of his hips. Your own hips feel bruised from the grip he has on them. The burn of his cock abusing your insides has tears streaming down your face and choked out sobs and moans leaving your mouth. A sadistic smile is plastered across his face, clearly enjoying your discomfort and pain,"You look so pretty with tears flowing down your face—hah—you feel so good, these virgin walls are squeezing me so tightly. Yes, cum of my cock, on your lord's cock and show me that only I can pleasure you like this."

Until that moment you didn't even realize you were getting closer to orgasming but you did as he said and the knot in your stomach snapped as you released all over him with a cry. That didn't stop Scaramouche from continuing to fuck you though, his pace barely faltered and his thrusts were just as hard as before,"Please—ngh—stop...no—more..." "Shut up. Your master hasn't had his pleasure yet and you will take everything he gives you until he's satisfied."

He then proceeded to bury his teeth into your neck, biting down so hard the skin broke, causing blood to leak from the wound. You shiver as his tongue darts out to lick a long stripe up your neck, gathering the warm liquid on it in the process. The way his cock is pistoning in and out of you has you weakly clawing at the dirt beneath. You continue to helplessly moan as his breathing gets more ragged and heavy, he must be close. Said assumption proves to be right when you suddenly feel a burst of hot liquid shoot straight into your pussy. Scaramouche finally stops and pulls out of your sore cunt, watching as the white substance leaks out of your abused hole, past your trembling thighs and onto the ground. A pleased look adorns his face,"Hehe, seems like I forgot to mention that I was about to cum, but that's alright, you couldn't anything about it anyway even if you knew."

You sat on the bed situated in the corner of the room, staring at the wall. Your eyes eventually landed on the chains binding your hands to the bed posts, restricting your movements. They were so short, you couldn't even walk a few inches away from the bed.

It had been months since Scaramouche kidnapped you from the cave you originally resided in after fucking your brains out. Since then he has kept you here, occasionally coming to 'check up' on his little pet which mostly consisted of him manhandling you till you were about to pass out. Everytime he came to you, you could see how he was gradually falling into madness. His words became more cruel, more unghinged, more obsessive.

It made you afraid of him and you were worried that someday he might snap and do something unthinkable.

Your gaze shifted to the mirror on the dresser right across from you. A collar was tightly looped around your neck with the name 'Scaramouche' in bold letters. Your hand came up and you tugged it slightly. It didn't budge. Tears filled your eyes at the humiliating memories it brought back. When he first showed it to you, you absolutely refused to wear it and after a lot of resistance from you he was able to secure it, he also fastened it so tightly it choked you at first. And he never bothered to loosen it. Sometimes, on the days when he was feeling it, he would attach a leash to the collar and use it to suffocate you if you were being to bratty.

Your eyes went lower to observe your attire. You'd been forbidden to wear anything besides a town that barely covered your thighs. That is, unless Scaramouche demanded otherwise. The material was so thin and you weren't even allowed to wear anything under it. For easy access, he said.

You've gotten over your dizzy, hallucinating state a long time ago and since you're usually locked up in the room, it's given you a lot of time to think. What has happened to your family? Have they noticed your disappearance? Are they looking for you? Did Scaramouche kill them? But he has no reason to do such a thing, but then again, you wouldn't put it past him to kill innocent people.

You flinch as the door opens. He's back already?

Your eyes widen in fear and you can't help but back up little by little when he approaches you. Soon you're pressed against the headboard and he gets on the bed and crawls over you. You stare into his dull eyes with your frightened ones. You can't see anything but obsession, lust and insanity in them.

"How's my little servant doing? Have you been enjoying your time here? You better have been. Why do you look so afraid? Hehe, you thought I wouldn't notice? You can't hide anything from your god you know." His cold hand rested on your cheek, slowly going down to trace the letters engraved on the collar you were forced to wear. A maniacal smile stretched across his face as he looked at it, pupils dilating with lust. Suddenly he hooked his fingers under it and gave it a sharp tug, briefly laughing when you gasped and instinctively grabbed his arm, as he pulled you forward.

Now he was so close that you could feel his hot breath against your lips. Without warning he kissed you with so much force your head hit the wooden headboard of the bed. This caused your mouth to slightly part in surprise and Scaramouche's tongue was practically down your throat instantly.

His knee made it's way between your legs, pressing up against your bare pussy and rubbing against it. You felt him smile against your mouth as your thighs squeezed his own in a futile attempt to conceal your now aroused state.

When he finally broke the kiss, you gratefully inhaled the much needed oxygen as your face burned with humiliation. You hated being in such a vulnerable state, you hated being so easy to take advantage of. But there was nothing you could do about the way the Harbinger's hands snuck under your gown to roughly grope your chest. No matter what you did or wanted to do, you could only moan in guilty pleasure.

Soon enough, you found yourself in a familiar but unwelcomed position: face pressed into the pillow with your 'lord's' dick thrusting in and out in an attempt to get off. Your hands held onto the sheets for dear life as you came for the 3rd time. Tears rolled down your face and drool stained the pillow as Scaramouche laughed cruelly at your fucked out appearance,"Need a break? Too bad, you won't get one."

You could only mumble inaudible phrases in between gasps and moans in response,"Ngh—please master—hngh—please cum in me—!" "What's that? You want me to fill this slutty hole of yours with my cum? That's right, fill up you like the cumdump you are?" He smirked as you only panted small, breathy 'yes'' to his degrading words. Moments later he finally reached his high and shot his load into your tight pussy.

Scaramouche didn't bother to pull out and instead pressed his chest against your back and whispered into your ear, possessiveness evident in his tone,"No one else can or ever will make you feel like this, only I can bring you this kind of pleasure. You're mine, mine to fuck how I want, mine to do with whatever I please. Right, my little servant?" You nodded dumbly to his statements, mind too mushy to think straight.

You really were just a cumdump for him.

[riiwrites]

Do you have any tips or advice on writing,your way with words truly is amazing-♦️

thank you sm lovely anon, this is such a sweet compliment 🥹

i’m not good with tips or writing tbh, like one day I just started this blog and started writing and now I’m here I guess 😭 (funfact i acc ran an IT fanfiction blog back when I was like 11 this is not my proudest moment I shouldn’t have even been on this app)

i’m a big fan of english literature and always have been, im taking higher english next year for s5 and I’ve learned quite a bit tbh that I think can help!

1. my teacher always tells me to not repeat the same words over and over again. like for example :

“character watches s/o walk into the room with their bright smile and bright eyes”

instead, you could say :

“character watches s/o walk into the room with their beaming smile and bright eyes”

personally in my opinion repetition is good for both writing and poetry but using more adapted words can really elevate your writing. but that’s just my opinion on what it does for me and i try my best not to repeat the same words consistently. if you struggle to think of more advanced words you can use google because that’s quite literally what i do but you can also use a thesaurus, they’re quite helpful i used to use them in primary school for writing :)

2. another tip i can think of is using techniques of writing, this also goes for poetry too (as im currently having to study for my english exam on poetry). there’s a few techniques you can use in writing fanfiction such as

- metaphors (an implied comparison eg. “my mum has a heart of gold” - meaning my mum is a kind hearted woman. she is)

- similes (similar to a metaphor but it’s a direct comparison, typically used in the forms of “like a” or “as” eg. “she was as cold as ice” - meaning that her personality and demeanour is rather cold and stern.)

- personification (similar to a metaphor also but this connects human characteristics such as personalities or emotions to a non living thing eg. “the trees danced in the wind” - trees cant dance like a human can, but the way they bristle in the wind can make it seem like they’re dancing)

i know some of these people would’ve already heard about but i thought I’d add in the examples and explanations just to clarify it for people who are confused and want to learn about it

this isn’t a MUST you have to include in your writing or anything but these are just tips on ways you can elevate your writing and personification is specifically good for describing scenery so the reader can feel more engaged within the story :). these are only a few of the techniques i use so if you wish to hear about more please do feel free to shoot me an ask.

3. one last tip that comes from me in my experience of writing is actually educating yourself by reading some writings you’re interested in. one thing I’ve learned about writing is that you can gain experience by becoming influenced by other people’s writings on any part of the internet. not like plagiarism of course but i mean you can become inspired by the way they write and adapt your own writing style.

i’ve learned so much from my beautiful and amazing moots and they’re all just so talented, im forever grateful and proud for each and one of them :)

but i hope this helps ♦️ anon, and YOU are my first official emoji anon HEHEHE SO THANK YOU!! and i will be adding more to this tip list if i think of anything.

and please remember, anyone can be a writer. it doesn’t matter wherever you’re a natural or if you’re “inexperienced”. we all engage and write in different styles and ways and that’s what making writing such a beautiful thing to contribute in. so don’t give up and if you need anything at all don’t be afraid to message me, i hope you’ve given this a read and again, i hope it helps. <3

[rosie-kairi]

So I know it's impossible but what if Marluxia's connection to Ven is so strong he's able to bypass the security and just randomly stumbles upon the chamber of waking and a sleeping Ven.

Xemnas only told Marluxia what they're looking for in castle oblivion so when he finds him the deep feeling of familiarity and happiness is enough to convince him that xemnas cannot and will not get his hands on this boy.

The only other person who knows is Larexene and they decide to make CO their stronghold and have to kill everyone in the castle to keep the sleeping boy safe. They abandon their plan of making Sora their puppet and instead have Namine try and make a new lock on the chamber while letting Sora and Riku flush out and kill the other organization members.

Marluxia may not fully remember his past but he knows this boy is special and he'll defend him with his non existence.

I mean, 100% if it in anyway inconveniences Xemnas, Marluxia will do it. He's totally not doing it for any other reason, guys. He didn't have some weird change of heart. He doesn't even have a heart. Larxene stop looking at him like that.

This actually reminded me of a tidbit from Marluxia's character file "Ephemeral Flower":

"It wasn't until much later that I learned the castle was a special place. Castle Oblivion is a sealed ground- a place where a hero of the keyblade slept. Where he was sleeping."

Now, I'm probably reading too much into it, but the repetition of the last line "where a hero of the keyblade slept -> where he was sleeping." seems very significant to me? Like, we as the audience know he's talking about Ven with the first sentence, but Marluxia repeats it stating a "he" specifically, like he sees that part to be very significant. idk

[syrena-del-mar]

Threads of Boston's Intimacy: Crochet, Cotton, and Connections

So I've been tracking and locating most of the outfits that each character has been wearing since episode 1, mostly because I like the choices that wardrobing department made (and wanted to know the brand of the pieces) and also because some of the shirts worn were so incredibly on the nose (looking at you Drake).

I've seen so many talk about Mew's own fashion transformation and how much it says about his style transforming from his own to Ray's. But Boston has a bit of his own transformation in his style since he lost Nick and the rest of his friends.

This week, we finally see Boston back in his crochet shirt when he pays a visit to Nick's electronic store. And it got me thinking as to why Boston style went through such a switch up at the exact time that he lost his friends, Nick, and he was no longer actively "hunting" around for someone else to sleep with.

Crochet Tops Pre-Audio Leakage

Fashion and the wardrobe that characters wear typically tell a story. We've seen that the Only Friends team has deliberately chosen specific tops to accompany the actual visual and verbal story-telling that occurs. Drake's infamous nude-painting collage button up, which I'm still unable to locate, immediately comes to mind. Boston's fashion is not an exception to this, and I'm leaning on to the side that not only the visual prints on the clothes he wears is important but also the textile of the garments are communicating his emotional landscape. For the first arc, while Boston did wear some ripped cotton shirts, they were sparse and far between as he mostly wore some variation of a crocheted or knit top. (Please keep in mind, that going forward, when I refer to crochet tops I also include his knit shirts but opted to not to state it in favor of being succinct and avoid repetitiveness.)

Crochet tops are known for their intricate and openwork patterns, because of those open patchworks, most crochet tops are, at some degree, see-through. I can't help but think that it symbolizes Boston's willingness to be transparent, he's very much up-front with what he wants physically and takes on an attitude of 'what you see is what you get.'

The very nature of crochet is delicate, it's one of the few methods that is unable to be recreated by machinery due to the intricacy and complexity, which the same could be said about the complexities it takes to manage the multiple sexual encounters that Boston has. There's an ease and comfort that Boston finds in his one-night stand, because he's used to it, he's able to navigate the complications, whether that's people catching feelings. Even with all his non-committal connections, he's transparent and authentic to himself, he navigates the intricate landscape of all his entanglements how he saw fit.

The crochet tops encapsulate Boston's ability to weave the threads of his emotional connections with transparency and authenticity, even if they are fleeting moments since he has no expectation of remaining in Thailand. The crochet tops he wore were a poignant symbol of his approach to his relationships.

Solid Cotton Tops Post-Audio Leakage

The last time we saw Boston in his colorful crochet tops, prior to episode 10, was during his confrontation with Mew at the pool in episode 7. Now Boston's full transition to mainly wearing solid cotton tops following cutting Nick out of his life and concurrently being cut out of Mew's, Cheum's, and Ray's life is another substantive symbol that his clothing is an emotional response to his emotional state. Solid cotton tops are known for their practicality and sturdiness, which a stark contrast to the intricate and delicate features of any crocheted garment.

Boston's choice of solid cotton tops, we witness a visual and symbolic withdrawal into a more guarded emotional state. Boston is very much detracts himself from the lives of his friends as they had wished, only appearing when he has to. His tops and leather jacket, act as an armor, protecting Boston from the sudden emotional turmoil that he was subject to with the use of his sex tape and audio as revenge by his friends. It's as if Boston uses these shirts to construct a barrier between himself and the outcomes of his actions, a means to cope with the distress and instability that had suddenly appeared in his life. Intimacy wise, Nick had been the only consistent person he had and he had trusted him. Meanwhile Mew used his sex-tape as a threat to out him to his father, Boston took hit after hit. The solidity of the cotton fabric is a reflection of his resilience in dealing with those emotional challenges, he creates an emotional boundaries explicitly when it came to Nick.

The solid cotton shirts, in this context, show us Boston's need for a protective layer against the turbulent emotional waters that the revenge inevitably brings, it's his only sense of stability in an arguably tumultuous period. He had no plans on creating connections in Thailand because he knew his time was fleeting, his sexual prowess was more self-sabotage, even IF it brought him momentary bliss and happiness. But he had made those connections, with Mew, Cheum, Ray, and even Nick. It's why he withdrew, it's why he finds himself realizing that he has destroyed every good thing in his life.

Return to Crochet Tops and His Return to Nick

Boston is going through a journey of self-realization and self-actualization. He's more than his body and his body count, he wants more than that. I swear, his decision to return to his crochet tops when he sought out Nick was purposeful. The crochet-top, characterized by intricate and openwork patterns, is seemingly back to take center stage in his wardrobe, now signifying a complex shift in his emotional landscape.

There are hundreds of phone repair shops that he could have gone to. There are millions of other pictures that he could have used for his lock screen. He still chose Nick. He's still transparent. Boston has always been self-assured in who he wants and who he is, and even though to some degree he reaped what he sowed, he was also a victim. He was hurt by Nick, but he still wants the one man that sees him more than good lay. Nick saw him for who he was and still loved him for it, he wouldn't necessarily change him for it. Nick saw him for his talent, for his interest in photography, as an actual three-dimensional person in all his hypocrisy and sharp words. Nick verbally acknowledging this and choosing to let him go unknowingly moved Boston.

It was a significant step in Boston's journey of personal growth and self-awareness. He's realizing that he self-sabotages and purposefully hurts the people he cares about. He chooses to reintegrate himself into Nick's life, with all the complexity and vulnerability that comes out of their past relationship. He might not have said it directly, but the moment he handed his phone to Nick with the lock screen showing his favorite picture of Nick, he was being crystal clear.

When Nick seeks him out on the rooftop, Boston is back in his cotton shirt, because that's when he fully realizes that he created his own consequences. He finally realizes how much it hurts to lose his friend group, even though he though he had kept people at arm's length since he was always going to end up in New York. When Nick finds him, he's completely in thought on the verge of realization that he's self-destructive (not to dissimilar to Ray). So he has the protection back on, because dissecting yourself and your problems are painful and exhausting. He realizes that his actions resulted in his friends of three years either thinking he's low enough to blackmail and SA someone or smug that he's being accused of such. That's his breaking point and he needed that protection. It'll be interesting if we see more of his crochet tops from now on.

Final Thoughts

Since episode 1, Boston has always fascinated me. Now this isn't a 'in defense of' or 'look at my poor meow-meow' post either, but we as viewers have an omniscient-type of view of everything that has been happening and until today's episode, I wasn't really sure what pushed Boston to be so volatile. For the first time, we saw Boston be truly and completely vulnerable with Nick. He's finally the one that looked for Nick, who reached out to him, and he did it while being in his crochet top, just like when they first hooked up.

I'm not fully part of the camp that thinks that Boston likes sleeping around, and this isn't because of some personal moral scorn for "sexual promiscuity" and preference for "sexual purity", but more because it seemed like Boston was doing it more for the company while avoiding any really human connections that would make him miss Thailand if he were sent to New York. It became comfortable, it became easy, so while I do think he got momentary gratification, I don't think it truly made him happy. We have two episodes left and I'm truly excited to see where Boston's story and wardrobe leads us next.

[thepaintedsable]

Sketchbook page, but this time I think I've found a thing I like. That's Not My Neighbor OC and a few extra worldbuilding concepts for them + a little sketchbook Journaling to commemorate the northern lights being pushed down across the entire US!

Talking headcannons/fun concept stuff and closeups under the cut:

Have I played TNMN? No. Do I think I'd even like playing TNMN? Probably not for more than a few minutes or when I need a repetitive task to procrastinate or something. Not a fault of the game, just not my style haha. Does the concept of postwar/Cold War era monster horror intrigue me to no end? Hell yeah.

I'm not too into history, really, but I don't think people are digging into that fact enough. It is Febuary of 1955. Nineteen. Fifty-five. The Second World War was only a decade ago, the second red scare and McCarthyism is still on fire in the states, the US-soviet arms race is in full force, the Cold War is still weighing heavy on citizens minds, and a lot more stuff I’m not educated enough to remember!!! But what's this? There's non-human creatures of unknown origins preying upon citizens, often attempting to take the form of a human being but failing and producing horrible, mangled excuses for the human form as a result? To the point where we have a whole new protective service to deal with their capture and new jobs formed to watch communal living facilities?

Are apparement complexes more or less popular, considering the risks of living without a doorman and those of living in a highly populated area? Is the arms race contributing to more weapons being created for the common citizen, for the DDD? How does this change the political situation, the rumors, the drama? Gosh, the world must be on fire in that regard!

Why, the draft is in very recent memory. Why wouldn't they employ it to instate their doormen? I mean, not many would want to be face to face with a traumatizing, intelligent monster, even behind glass.

Meet Doorman #365, an unfortunate fellow drafted to be locked in the building, forced to wear a gas mask used in the last great war, and entrusted with a dozen human lives!!! Yay! He's been nicknamed "Leroy" by his residents, to give him a more... human touch. Really, they find the masks and military nature of this new batch of doormen to be highly unsettling, but it must be for their own good, right? I mean, just look what happend to the old doormen who didnt have these safety measures, the old tenants...

Drafted and unhappy about it, he is basically on house arrest within the building, and what used to be just an office space and surprisingly large janitors closet is now officially his apartment. Whenever out of the enclosed parts of his room, he is expected to be in full uniform, mask included. He is currently one of two Doormen stationed at his building, the senior of the pair. Neither knows what the other actually looks like. Doormen are escorted by DDD to new complexes and should not be allowed to enter otherwise.

The masks were found to confuse some of the less intelligent doppelgangers, producing much more obvious yet twisted forms as they attempted to replicate what they believed to be extra or less eyes (glass visors), intestines (breathing tubes), etc. at the residences that employed them. It swiftly became policy. With some tweaks, the old gas masks of the war could also mask voices as well. To avoid further issues of doormen being copied, doormen were bid to stay indoors and stay covered at all times. Being extremely unpopular job, a draft was set.

Doormen must appear friendly, though! So styling and care of uniform also became extremely important. This is mostly up to the doorman (to increase morale, of course!) so each uniform, and therefore each building, will have its own personality :) DDD graciously supplies all uniform pieces, room decorations, and weekly rations for their Doormen, selected from the catalog! Residents are encouraged to increase connection to their doormen, though, so home-cooked meals and outside trinkets are not uncommon.

Leroy is not... enthused about this job. Hes not even allowed to use his actual name outside of his coworker, and he thinks he might be going a little stir crazy at this point. He certainly wouldn't have chosen this position for himself, but his birthday was picked, so what can he do? Desert? And be hunted down like a doppelganger? Hell no. At least he gets to sit behind some hopefully bulletproof glass and surely reinforced walls all day. His residents aren't too bad (he thinks some try too hard at not seeming suspicious, though), his coworker is... undecided, and even though the doppelgangers are, well, scary they haven't been too clever at his location. He often gets handed newspaper clippings or used wrappers instead of the entry forms and IDs. They're getting smarter, just very slowly. He hopes he isn't around when they wise up.

I really enjoy thinking about all this lol.

[deathgamegirl]

Indigo Children, Autism Spectrum Disorder, and Akane Kurashiki: An Analysis

many people interpret the character akane kurashiki from the zero escape games as autistic, a sentiment i fully agree with. however, i haven't seen much active discussion or analysis on the how and why of this interpretation— which i want to change, since it's a far deeper connection than just coincidental coding. uchikoshi may or may not have set out to create an autistic character, but he did certainly create one that has its roots in misunderstandings of neurodivergency.

just to preface, this analysis was written by an autistic individual, so it will come from an insider's perspective. under the cut, there will be major spoilers for each game in the zero escape franchise, as well as brief implications of real world ableism, though nothing graphic is detailed.

now that the intro's out of the way, let's talk about the pseudoscientific concept of indigo children.

the long and short of indigo children is as follows: some special children are born with indigo auras, which signify a number of unusual or even supernatural traits in the child, such as telepathy or supernatural empathy. according to the original coiner of the term, the number of these indigo children has been steadily rising since the last 1960's.

traits that indigo children reportedly have include the following:

high empathy, innate curiosity, and a strong will

are perceived by those around them as being "strange" or "unusual"

have a clear idea of what their purpose in life is and feel entitled or deserving

an inherently accurate intuition

resistance to rigid authorial structures and control from outsiders

a subconscious spiritual strength (though this doesn't necessarily apply to religion or faith)

obviously, these listed traits are nowhere near specific enough to supplement an actual diagnosis for autism. those who believe in the concept and parent a supposed "indigo child" often forego a proper diagnosis, as they believe that autism spectrum disorder is an inherently bad condition (which, to be clear, autism is not bad in any way). however, we can make connections from indigo children to the DSM-5's criteria for autism spectrum disorder.

the most obvious example being the perception of being "strange" or "unusual"— we can easily connect that to social deficits in individuals with ASD.

the resistance to authority and control and feeling entitled most closely matches with an insistence on sameness and their own repetitions.

the innate curiosity and intuition comes into play with special interests and how autistic individuals perceive the world around them.

i want to next list out the non-behavioral evidence that akane was most certainly based on the concept of indigo children.

akane has indigo as a prominent color in her 999 design. notably, her eyes and dress are both shades of indigo, leaning towards lavender.

as an ESPer, akane has telepathic abilities (such as the ability to SHIFT as well as use telepathy by accessing the morphogenetic field).

in ZTD, it's mentioned that the number of ESPers has been on the rise recently in-universe in response to the oncoming radical-6 outbreak.

it's also worth noting that zero escape in general delves into a lot of pseudoscientific concepts throughout the series for narrative purposes.

with everything i've just laid out in mind, i want to make the connection that akane kurashiki, who is based on the indigo children, is autistic, by listing her behaviors over the course of the series that match up with the DSM-5 criteria for ASD.

persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across multiple contexts (social-emotional reciprocity, nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction, developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships)

social-emotional reciprocity: akane has been shown to talk over others about whatever's on her mind at the time (in particular, this relates to her special interests, elaborated on below).

nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction: there are multiple instances in 999 in particular where she doesn't understand the tone of voice that another character is using, often for comedic purposes. (in particular, the "i might get wet" scene comes to mind.)

developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships: akane has been mentioned in her childhood to have been friendless at school, save for junpei. in the interim between 999 and ZTD, she primarily worked alone. in ZTD's C-END 1, she forgoes her relationship with junpei to make the AB project a success.

restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities (from the list, i specifically reference insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior, and highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus)

insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior: akane is very set in her ways, and insistent on doing things her way (particularly with regards to the AB project). in a way, her "I will achieve the best possible timeline no matter the cost to myself or anyone else" also reminds me of this.

highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus: all of the conversations about psuedoscience, quantum mechanics, and conspiracy theories in 999 contribute to this. it's also evident in the way that she's fixated on rabbits throughout the series.

there's a reason why so many of the autistic individuals i've seen play the zero escape games resonate and adore akane so much- it's because she's a genuine, authentic portrayal of the autistic experience, even if it's never stated outright. she's a flawed, yet idealistic character, with one foot in objective reality and the other in her own perfect world. she is human in the way that so many autistic people are, and i think that's incredible. i hope that we can get more characters like akane in many other works.

if you're curious, i used this wikipedia article as a source for the information about indigo children, and this autism and health article as a source for the DSM-5 criteria for autism spectrum disorder.

[wibble-wobbegong]

Who is Peter Owens?

Okay so! Officially decided to separate Peter from the full saint post (in progress), though the theories merge together a little. If you’ve been keeping up with it, you probably already know a fair amount of this stuff!! This is just a deeper dive.

In short, Peter Owens is a theoretical character stemmed from wanting to understand the purpose behind ‘Peter’ being a name that’s repeated several times throughout S4. This will serve as both a theory and analysis, discussing why I think Peter exists and then analyzing his impact on the narrative!! I’m gonna use this post to discuss the 5 Peters, Peter’s role in the story, and his connections to Mike as his antithesis.

The 5 Peters

The kickstarter of this theory is the fact that Peter is a name repeated four times throughout the show. The repetition of names is something that never happens unless some important connection is meant to be made. For example, Billy and Will are both named William or how there are two other characters named Henry in earlier seasons. Repetitive names are a sign to pay attention!! For a name to be repeated four times in the same season with absolutely no allusion to who this could actually be?? That’s even more aggressive than the repetition of Henry’s name from earlier seasons. There is something very important about this Peter character and he could not be hinted at in previous seasons, but we NEED to be paying attention to him now.

Who are the four Peters mentioned by name in-show?

1. Lab Peter

2. Peter, Owens’ Son

3. Petey McHew

4. Peter Bingham

I did, however, say that there are five Peters! There is another Peter tied to the show by name, but he isn’t mentioned in the show itself. His name is;

5. Peter Ballard

The first step is to figure out what the connecting factor is between all these different characters! They’re all in very different settings with very different roles. Seemingly. Let’s get the facts down for each of these characters.

Lab Peter | 4x01, 6:19

The Peter in the lab isn’t given a last name, so we only know him as Peter. Brenner only refers to him as Peter. We never actually see who exactly it is that he’s talking to, we only know that a Peter is present in the lab at the time of Henry’s massacre. I could only find one potential subject to be Lab Peter, because of his lack of a last name compared to the other ones.

The man on the right is the only one of the military men whose last name isn’t visible. Here we have Miller in the middle, the man on the left has a last name too short to be Ballard.

My eyes aren’t the best, but I’m pretty sure these are Blackmen and Thatcher.

It’s possible that the man without a last name is meant to be Peter, but it seems unlikely because Brenner calls for two people, Peter and Alan. Our Peter traveled in a group of two, and these three traveled as a trio. There’s a chance this is Peter, but it doesn’t line up with information we’re given from the other Peters.

The two facts about Lab Peter; was at the lab at the time of the massacre and he was with someone named Alan.

Peter, Owens’ Son | 4x03, 3:11

When the government raids Owens’ house, they shuffle through old boxes and they take things, including a non-descript metal box and someone named Peter’s box of school projects. He’s most likely Owens’ son, considering he kept the school projects in his house and then being school projects indicate him having been younger with Owens and living with him long enough to gather a box full of projects. The fact that his wife is aware and she’s the one upset about the projects means she was attached to him as well, but she isn’t involved with anything in the lab as far as we know.

^ the projects

The facts of this Peter? Owens’ wife attached enough to him to suggest he wasn’t just a lab kid, the projects indicate that he was involved with the Owens for a length of time, and he’s most likely their son.

Petey McHew | 4x04, 22:47

“But can I tell you a story? 1978, I was at summer camp. And my counselor Drew told me and everyone in Cabin C the true story of the Victor Creel massacre. And little Petey McHew… you know Petey, right, Ruth? Yeah. Little Petey McHew started sobbing right there on the spot. Full on hyperventilating.”

And here we have the story of Petey McHew! The most prominent thing about McHew is his fear of Victor and the fact that he was at summer camp. We also know that ‘Ruth’ and ‘Rose’ were familiar with Petey. Those names are relevant because they’re also repetitive in the story.

Ruth, Nevada is the neighborhood which Owens lives and where NINA lies.

Rose is something relevant to the Creel home as well as a connection to Owens.

The pillow is only visible when Owens stands during his argument with Sullivan (the military guy), hence the connection.

Peter Bingham | 13:37

The boy that looks like Will? That’s Peter Bingham. He’s the Peter that we know the least about. He’s using salt, wearing orange and blue, and he has the same haircut as Will in S4.

In the background, on the pinboard, there’s another summer camp reference! The flyer for Camp Know-where, the summer camp Dustin and Suzie went to, is pinned. It’s the version for 1986, but you can see the computer logo in the middle of the top of the flyer! On the official site, they describe every day as being an adventure, which lines up with the phrase “Adventure is Calling!” plastered on the flyer.

Peter Ballard

This is the tweet where they denounced the connection between Peter Ballard and Henry Creel. Of course, you should always take what the Stranger Writers say with a grain of salt, but the fact that they also addressed the difference between Enzo and Dmitri in the same tweet, which actually is true, does make me more inclined to believe them. They’re drawing a connection, and while one could be real and one could be fake, parallels are often used to reveal the truth.

Just like how Enzo was a fake name, an entirely different name for an entirely different thing. Enzo has been used before by Hopper, referring to the waiter as Enzo in S3 when he gets stood up by Joyce. Enzo is not the name of a character. Peter Ballard, in the same way isn’t the name of a character. It is, however, relevant to the story somehow.

The biggest thing about Ballard is that his only connection is to Henry. There’s nothing else about him, simply a name meant to hide the connection between Vecna, 001, and Henry. They could’ve chosen any name, but they chose Peter.

Peter’s Role in the Story

So we have all this information, but how does it come together? Who exactly is Peter, and what purpose does he serve in the narrative?

There are 3 major connections within the 5 Peters; Henry Creel, Sam Owens, and summer camps. Diving into those connections helps us build the story of Peter Owens (though i’m sure his name already gives you a bit of a hint).

Connecting the Dots

How does Henry play into the different stories of a few of the different Peters?

Lab Peter - The Peter mentioned is referenced right before Henry’s massacre, as well as being a worker for the lab. The lab was sort of built for Henry; to study him and his abilities, to control him, to recreate him. Anyone involved in the lab somehow has a direct tie to Henry Creel. In the lab, we don’t even have confirmation who Peter actually is, so it is a popular theory that Henry is called Peter in the lab!

Petey McHew - This is one of the more direct connections because of the mention of Victor Creel, specifically the story of Victor supposedly murdering people. The person actually behind those murders is Henry. Victor is also Henry’s father.

Peter Ballard - Quite honestly the most blatant tie to Henry, considering it was a cover name for his character. Peter Ballard has no other connections to any other character.

Now, this seems to be pointing in the direction of Peter being another version of Henry; someone to add on top of the ever growing list of characters that are secretly Henry. It heavily points to 001 actually being referred to as Peter in the lab, even.

The problem with that, however, is that it doesn’t explain why Peter is so heavily connected to Owens and not Brenner. We’ve never even seen Owens and Henry interact and Owens was strangely absent in the flashbacks to the lab.

I considered that Henry had been living as Peter and Owens’ son at some point, but that doesn’t make sense when paired with Brenner’s obsession with him and his need to control him. Brenner and Owens have a strained relationship, they barely trust each other in S4. If Brenner was going to leave Henry in someone’s hands, it wouldn’t have been Owens.

Alongside that, there are also things in these stories that directly connect to Henry that don’t align with what we know about Henry. Peter is scared of Victor — scared of the damage he can do. Henry states that he views his father as naive and pathetic, he never saw his father as someone to fear. Victor wasn’t a good father by any means, but he did love Henry. He never directly caused him harm and tried to protect him (though his thinking is flawed). There is zero reason for Henry to be scared of Victor, especially in relation to those murders.

As for Peter Ballard, it makes no sense for Henry to also be Peter when we look at the parallels drawn to Enzo’s false name in that tweet. If it were a statement on its own, it would be deserving of suspicion, but there’s an intentional inclusion of Dmitri. Parallels are something we use all the time to determine the reality of a situation, so that parallel is meant to be used to reveal the truth again.

Henry Creel is not Peter.

So who else could he be? Why does he still have such strong connections to Henry if he isn’t Henry himself?

Now, we turn to Owens’ son. Here’s the thing. Owens has incredibly strong ties to the Creel family for some reason despite not seeming to be involved at all.

When Owens is presented with the photo of Chrissy’s body, he claims not to know anything about it. His reaction says the opposite. When the military leaves, Owens immediately goes to check on NINA information. Later, when his agents have picked up El and they’re in the restaurant, he says, “A war is coming to Hawkins.”

How would he know that? Ever since November 1983, there has never been a body that looked like Chrissy’s. It’s a completely new style of killing. In fact, this is the only one that could’ve feasibly been done by a person. What the general points out doesn’t necessarily eliminate an ordinary person. Yet, somehow, Owens knows that this means a war is coming to Hawkins. The only way he’d know anything about what a body like that means is if he was aware of the true nature of the 1959 Creel murders. He doesn’t go searching for Victor. He was on the inside. He knew about Henry and his abilities. He knows about Henry’s anger, about his motivation and what these kills would lead to.

Arguably, Owens knows even more about Henry than Brenner. When talking to Will in S2 after his episode, he asks a series of typical questions until Will brings up his feeling that the Mind Flayer is evil. Owens’ response?

“What do you think the evil wanted?”

HOW would you make the jump from ‘big evil sky shadow this kid is seeing due to trauma’ to it wanting something? It’s never interacted with Will directly. Will has just been seeing it. It doesn’t even chase him till Halloween!! Owens had no reason to ask that question. Yet he did.

Owens questions things someone with no knowledge shouldn’t be questioning. I’m not saying that he knows Henry is behind the Mind Flayer. He’s asking the right questions though.

More so, I bring up the rose thing again. Owens is also tied to the rose of the Creel house.

Owens knows so much about Henry, and yet we know Henry can’t be Peter. It doesn’t make sense. Somehow, Owens has knowledge of the Creels, their history, and Henry’s endeavors without there ever being a direct connection made.

Here appears to be a roadblock. What other character could possibly be Peter? None of our current characters knew about Victor and had those same ties to both Henry and Owens. That’s when an anon suggested to me that Peter may be a character we haven’t met yet.

There’s something about Henry’s character that makes him feel somewhat… incomplete. Or rather, there’s room to expand upon the cause of his and his abusers actions. Henry is heavily queercoded and the same language that’s used to describe Will is used to describe Henry. They parallel each other in so many ways, through trauma and powers, and there are hints towards parallels of queerness, yet they’re never really expanded upon. We never see the blatant comparison for sexuality as we do for their artistic ability or being traumatized. They’re both “sensitive,” but as far as parallels go, that one is the only obvious one (broken seems to be more about trauma than queerness, though it’s applicable to both). Why have all these parallels and hints towards queerness only to stop with their toes on the line?

What I’d like to point out is that the lab seems to function as a sort of allegory for conversion therapy. Henry was sent away to Brenner because he needed to be fixed, because something about him made him different and whatever it was was the thing Virginia hated. She didn’t seem to know about his powers, and Henry appeared to be the idolized American child (white, blond, blue-eyed, able-bodied, skinny). If what she hates is what we can’t see, and Henry is already queercoded, it’s likely she hates him for his queerness and wanted to send him to Brenner so he could “fix it”.

How would Virginia know this about Henry? Sexuality is something that, if not told, has to be discovered. Henry was a young kid, only 12, there isn’t much he could’ve been doing alone that would out him.

Remember how I said Henry and Will’s parallels are a bit incomplete? Another question; do you think Lonnie’s hatred of Will stemmed entirely from the fact that he was a quiet kid who liked art? That Lonnie decided Will was queer based off that alone? It’s possible, but remember that Mike was part of Will’s life when Lonnie was still around. Lonnie may have hated Will for not being stereotypically masculine, may have made some assumptions, but with how affectionate Will and Mike were before S3 it’s safe to assume they’ve always been like that. Two boys being affectionate is a way more reasonable jump of logic (not that lonnie/homophobes are reasonable). Will’s queerness would probably remain under tight wraps if it weren’t for Mike. Hell, Will’s love for Mike is how Jonathan knows he’s gay. Sexuality on its own doesn’t have to be romantic to be true, but Will’s arc with his sexuality is heavily based on his feelings for Mike.

Taking those facts, let’s say something similar happened to Henry. Henry was somehow discovered, prompting the Creels to move and for Virginia to want to send him to Brenner (she also possibly sexually abused him in her own attempts to fix him). Who would Henry have been with at the time? Who would recommend Brenner to Virginia? Who has strong ties to the Creel family?

Peter is Owens’ son. The Creels lived in Ruth, Nevada near Owens. Henry and Peter most likely met at a summer camp, or at least went to one together (possibly another allegory for conversion therapy, but i’m not 100% sure they were sent to the camp for being gay) and grew close. Most likely, they were best friends and a little more, just like Mike and Will had been.

Peter was always scared of Victor, a very religious man who loved his family and wanted to protect them from demons. Victor had a gun he sat outside with at the Creel house, one he planned on using to shoot the demon tormenting his family. Victor is a religious man with a gun who loves his son. Peter is a gay kid, and Victor would most definitely had blamed Peter for “influencing” Henry. Peter had every reason to be scared of Victor.

Owens has a relationship with Brenner and works with him. We don’t know much about Owens’ view on gay people, but considering it was the 1950’s and he’s got a close relationship with Brenner, I wouldn’t be surprised if Owens had worked with him on a conversion therapy project. Of course he’s never been okay with hurting kids, but he’s also always been dedicated to saving them. Owens and Brenner are men of science, and science at the time was flooded with propaganda that stated homosexuality was a curable disease. Owens wanted to help cure these children, hence his grid shirts and role as the web of the spider, but he’d never do so through the extremes Brenner would.

If the Owens and the Creels discovered their children were gay, gay together, Owens could very well have recommended Brenner to Virginia for when they moved away. Brenner ran a location in Hawkins, Indiana, posed as a hospital with electrocution materials at the ready (Terry Ives was shocked till her brain was scrambled). Electro-shock therapy was a very common treatment.

Of course, after Henry’s powers were discovered, Brenner was no longer interested in fixing him but became obsessed with understanding his abilities.

Basically, Peter is Owens’ son and Henry’s childhood lover just like how Will is the son of a homophobic man and has his own childhood lover.

How Peter Influenced Henry

How did Peter actually impact the plot, beyond just being the one Henry got caught with? It does in fact go further beyond, and this is where we bring in one more Peter that I haven’t mentioned yet. He’s never said by name, but he is in the show.

This painting on the left from the Russian church is a painting of Saint Peter. He’s most known for two things; holding the keys to the kingdom of heaven and his written vision of the Second Coming of Christ, called the Apocalypse of Peter.

The Apocalypse of Peter, when you look into the visions listed (punishments for sinners) they tell a very similar story to what we’ve been seeing in S4 and hint at what’s likely to come in S5. Not every prediction will be used, but a lot of them will. These are written in order of the actual listed punishments in the apocalythe, but only some of them have happened; others are predictions for future character events.

“Blasphemers are hanged by the tongue.”

Blasphemy; the act or offense of speaking sacrilegiously about God or sacred things; profane talk:

This is an unfulfilled but predicted event for Mike. This will likely play into effect during his trance in S5, but you never really know with this series.

“Women who adorn themselves for the purpose of adultery are hung by their hair over a bubbling mire.”

Unfulfilled, but not surprising. She’s been emphasized for a reason, we’re just yet to learn why. It seems she may end up partaking in Henry’s punishments, which makes sense given his attitude towards her through Billy.

“Murderers and their allies are tormented by venomous creatures and numberless worms.”

Is now a good time to mention that there’s a pretty good chance Peter died?

“Liars whose lies caused the death of martyrs have their lips cut off, with fire in their body and entrails.”

The victims were all martyrs and Jason’s lies led to their deaths, as if not for the conflict they may have been able to come up with a real solution quicker. It seems like he has fire in his ‘body and entrails’ to me! Get fucked.

“Men who take on the role of women in a sexual way, and lesbians, fall from the precipice of a great cliff repeatedly.”

Isn’t it wild how gay men and women are said to fall from the great cliff repeatedly? How Mike has yet to do this action under Henry’s influence, and yet there are signs of him not only going back to the cliff but doing so during his trance? Where no one can save him?

“Those who do not heed the counsel of their elders are attacked by flesh-devouring birds.”

Kinda what he gets for not listening.

“Women who had premarital sex have their flesh torn to pieces.”

Are you starting to see the pattern between all the people who’re predicted targets? 

“Sorcerers are hung on a wheel of fire.”

So, it seems the Peter may have had an influence on Henry’s future goals considering how many similarities there are between Peter’s Apocalypse and Henry’s plan of action.

I doubt Peter quoted these types of punishments as an exact plan, but it very much so seems like he’d been angry at those who oppressed people like him and Henry, which makes perfect sense if he had a conversion therapist for a father. If Peter had been enduring homophobic rhetoric his whole life, only to find out he was the very type of person his father sought to fix, of course he could learn to hate people like Owens; people who were at the top ranks of society, who got to live their lives how they pleased and control everyone they’d decided was below them.

Peter’s beliefs could’ve been a motive behind Henry’s actions. Obviously, Peter alone wasn’t a motive, but I think he played an important part as to why Henry started killing in Hawkins —why he was even in Hawkins in the first place. Peter spoke of a world where the people who hurt them were finally brought down, a world where they could be saved. Henry could make that happen. Henry understood what Peter was talking about on a deep, deep level. He felt it too. Losing Peter, the one person who showed him kindness, probably played a role in Henry’s chosen path of salvation and revenge, though he’s twisted things to fit into his own moral/ethical code.

Now, what’s really interesting is that Henry and Will are parallels and antitheses. In the same way, I think Peter is meant to be Mike’s antithesis.

Mike’s Antithesis

This last part shouldn’t be too long! Basically, when we look at the narrative, Peter is being built as Mike’s antithesis in a similar way to how Henry is built as Will’s antithesis. Without having Peter as a canonical character, and therefore having no guaranteed understanding of his personality and moral code, this will mostly be based off of everything I’ve talked about this far in the theory.

Where are they similar? Both of them grew up in peaceful, suburban class homes with passive fathers who were pretty openly homophobic. Ted isn’t to the extreme that Owens may have been, but he’s made more than his fair share of snide remarks and there’s a Reagan sign in front of the house. There’s also the way that the boy they’re both in love with had a scary, homophobic dad with a gun.

On a deeper level, they both play very similar roles in the narrative. Henry and Will both fight for a lot of reasons, but just like how Will finds his courage and strength in Mike, Henry may possibly doing the same from the memory of Peter. This is also where they start to diverge a little bit, becoming antitheses to each other.

Where Peter finds sanctuary in hating those above him, Mike finds sanctuary in the people on his level. Peter only looks up at he could’ve had, but Mike doesn’t even bother being jealous of the people above them. He looks left and right and finds the beauty in the people around him. They’re his best friends! Peter and Mike both want to be able to be themselves, but their approaches to that are different. They share their views with the people around them, taking leadership roles (Saint Peter was given the keys to the kingdom of heaven, which serve as leadership and faith encouraging tools over the people) and guiding people to follow their beliefs too. Peter encouraged revenge and an us vs them attitude. Mike encouraged community, always tells his friends how amazing they are and serves as a beacon of hope for the people around him more often than not.

Where Henry is dark and Will is light, Peter is despair and Mike is hope. Where Henry is rejection and Will is acceptance, Peter is hatred and Mike is love.

Mike and Will are a version of Peter and Henry. They’re the ones who end up together. Peter and Henry lacked so much love, it was what drove Henry to become the monster he is. Will has been surrounded by love, it sets him on the path of goodness Henry never had. Where Henry lost his childhood love and was left alone, Will and Mike pulled through. It’s sort of perfect that Peter would be introduced as Henry’s old love interest in the same season Mike and Will finally get together. Showing Peter too early as a parallel to Mike and Henry’s crush may have given too much insight into byler.

Another fun little thing; Mike has a lot of imagery regarding crosses this season for reasons unknown. Saint Peter died via crucification, but he was crucified upside down. Makes me wonder what that could mean for Mike, seeing as how Henry is the “upside down” version of Will, in a sense. Definitely nothing good, but interesting nonetheless.

I think that’s everything! At least, the important stuff. Any other small details I find about Peter will go under ‘#petergate’ and general posting about Peter will just be tagged with his name, ‘#peter owens’. He’s a little fucked up but he’s also just a little guy. You ever met a 12 year old? He’s pretty normal tbh

Thank you for reading!!!