#or to treat them as human beings who wouldn't make these choices if anything else had ever worked

[hussyknee]

"We don't hate Jews and fight them because they are Jews. Jews are people of a religion, and we are people of a religion. We love all people of different religions. My brother even if he is my brother and he is a Muslim—if he steals my house and kicks me out, I will resist him."

— Sheikh Ahmed Ismail Hassan Yassin, founder of Hamas.

[seaweedstarshine]

Sometimes I think of Amy Pond, who grew up being called mad by those who wielded the word as a tool of exclusion and shame —

Amy Pond, who though forced into the hands of four psychiatrists, still clung to that which they called madness until those systems which elevate psychosocial conformity above humanity stripped it from her —

Amy Pond, whose imaginary friend reappeared for a single hour after twelve years and reignited that faith before disappearing for two more years —

Amy Pond, who spent those those two years under the same implicit threat ingrained in her through psychiatric violence, and thus began to believe the man who stopped the invasion was “just a madman with a box,” only for him to agree, and to also call her “mad, impossible Amy Pond,” reframing madness as non-negative for the first time in her life —

Amy Pond, who ignored the disembodied voice of her imaginary friend even as she ran away with him for real, who still lived each day with the traumatic internalization of deviancy dictated upon her by the psychiatric-industrial complex that shaped her from childhood —

Amy Pond, who wouldn't acknowledge the Doctor's voice, such that it took an Angel in her eye that was literally killing her to ensure she couldn't reality check herself —

Amy Pond, who stood before a room which muttered about “the psychiatrists we brought her to,” and though afraid, escaped their rigid parameters of acceptable existence.

[backofthebookshelf]

Okay, fine, you've finally pissed me off enough that I'm willing to talk politics on tumblr

I can't speak for all leftists, but when THIS leftist says they're having a hard time voting for Biden this time around, it's not because I don't want people to vote or because I genuinely think Trump wouldn't be any worse

It's because this is the administration that made me finally realize, on a deep and profound gut level, that none of these people actually care about us. That electoralism won't save us - HASN'T saved us, not from COVID, or wildfires, or cops, or billionaires, or genocide.

"But Trump will make all those things worse--" Yeah for sure! But things are bad enough right now that we can't, at least I can't, continue on like things are now, even if I felt like I could trust Biden (or any Democrat, let's be honest, this isn't about him at all, we're not even fighting about primaries this time because we aren't being given a choice) to keep them from getting worse.

By all means, we should vote for Biden, because things getting worse more slowly is better than things getting worse faster. But we deserve better than a life that only gets a little bit worse every year, and I'm sick of people telling me I'm being ungrateful for wanting more than that.

Again: THIS ISN'T ABOUT WHO TO VOTE FOR. this is about spending your time on something, anything - union organizing, clean air advocacy, bringing food and shelter to the houseless, physically preventing the movement of weapons and military contractors - that has a better chance of saving lives than any politician.

"The revolution isn't going to come next year -" okay, well, neither is pushing Dems far enough left that they stop supporting Israel or do anything about emissions or anything else that treats human lives as more important than a billionaire's profit margins. The presidential election happens once every four years, WHY are we ceding an entire year to defending a piece of shit because he's slightly less of a piece of shit than the other guy? What if I told you there's a secret third thing, and that thing isn't voting for a third party but making a once-every-four-years vote as unimportant to you as your wants and desires and hopes and dreams are to any of the people you'd vote for and working your ass off on SOMETHING THAT HELPS PEOPLE instead?

[f0gman]

Hi *taps mic*

I’m gonna try to debunk the theory I hear often of “maybe batjokes is canon, but it’s only a toxic, twisted, obsessive version of love that Joker is doomed to and Batman has to overcome”

Of course, it’s all up to interpretation and no one’s opinion has the final say, but as a (cough, cough, hopeless romantic) gay guy, I think they have much more than that! I’ll explain.

1. Joker’s love isn’t perversion, but vulnerability

Most are accustomed to seeing the Joker’s infatuation as creepy. While that’s not unreasonable as he’s suggestive and clingy amidst Batman’s discomfort, he doesn’t seem to expect anything to come of it. It’s his way of coping with strong feelings that’ll never be reciprocated; he knows they won’t be acknowledged. 

And he doesn’t seek to violate Bruce, but rather to accept violence as a way to satisfy his needs. Yes, it’s masochistic, but it’s also consensual. He enjoys the feeling of being vulnerable; he sees it not as defeat, but intimacy, and he knows Batman finds some satisfaction in it. If he didn’t, there wouldn’t always be hand-to-hand combat. He could knock him out quickly or shoot him with a tranquilizer, but instead he gives Joker exactly what he wants and receives the same in return.

It's often about stimulation when them: two unlike people with core similarities trying to best each other. Without the dire circumstances (due to Joker's crime) in early Batman content, their fighting was much more like sparring.

Secondly, given that love is not Joker’s choice, admitting his feelings is not a ploy to make him more intimidating or powerful. It’s his weakness. The way Batman treats him directly affects his emotions and everything, really. He’s distraught if Batman’s absent for even a day when he expects him to come.

Plus, in love is one of the most vulnerable things he can be. Pure obsession doesn't demand understanding and empathy out of your enemy. It wouldn’t wonder for decades what made him as broken as you. It wouldn’t long to see him with his defenses down, for once not shutting everything out.

For Batman, it wouldn’t amount to hours upon hours of trying to understand and trying to find out why his enemy is broken, as if there's a missing piece to making him better. It wouldn't care about his humanity.

A part of me thinks that Joker wants to believe it’s nothing more than an obsession. It scares him to think of Batman being unmasked—to see his human side. It would break the fantasy where he keeps his feelings...yet he knows they’re obvious and admits to them.

I don’t think he would claim it to be love if it weren’t true. It only awards Batman more homophobic praise when he beats someone who has “no right” to be attracted to him. It doesn’t make Joker more impressive in any way, maybe more repulsive to some, but it won’t further any of his goals.

At the end of the day, he grieves over him. Even while getting everything he wants in a fight, he truly wants Batman to love him. So much so that Harley,  behind her rose-tinted Joker glass knows it.

“He doesn’t love me. He only loves Batman.”

He’s driven crazy by it. But it isn’t love itself that makes him crazy. Joker, like Batman, is broken from trauma, and he finds understanding and excitement in someone else—the only one so far. Even a sense of solace, which is the hardest to come by. If you ask me, Joker being able to love is a human, redeeming quality.

2. Batman’s love isn’t inhumane, but empathetic

Batman is notorious for blocking people out. He’s the “master of fear” and treats his brain as if it’s a steel trap (constantly pushing himself to his limit). The fact is, he’s not sane in the way most people are; his trauma affects every part of him, and he realizes Joker is the same way. He obsesses over why. He wants to know what made him, what can change him, and what their relationship will become.

He sees someone that’s like him, yet Joker defies everything he believes as a person. It’s beyond frustrating and is the exact thing that keeps them trapped in the cycle. He takes his frustrations out in violence because Joker just won’t change.

I imagine the frustration would have started the moment he saw a glimpse at his human side. He saw him as someone just as messed up as he is, yet set apart because of what he does. Worst of all, he knows Joker wants him. At any moment, Bruce could have him, making it that much harder for him to fight and keep his morals. It makes him angrier.

But to end the toxicity, someone has to give.

Batman made this first step in The Killing Joke. He “came out” in a way. Between his denial to loving him and Joker’s fear to change, they were doomed to kill each other off in the end. Both resorted to violence to cope with their attraction and frustration, but acknowledging this was his first step toward ending the cycle. Not only that, but he wants a good relationship with Joker. He isn’t giving up on him, but changing the fight’s trajectory. He offers Joker rehabilitation to bridge the gap between them. Very possibly, that included rehabilitation for himself.

“You don’t need to be alone...we don’t have to kill each other. Let me help you.”

He says, “let me help you”, promising directly that he will stay by Joker’s side. He realizes that he’s likely the only one that can change him. He accepted this when he accepted their relationship, and despite everything Joker’s done, he put him before everyone else. There’d be no other reason to put him above Barbara, Gordon, or anyone in the bat family. If it was only about obsession and some perverted version of love, he wouldn’t have let his guard down to speak to Joker man-to-man. He extends his hand out of empathy.

“Maybe I’ve been there too."

In that moment, both had let their guard down completely; there was a moment of peace and respect between them. Many times, Bruce has been called inhumane or even unhinged for offering this branch, but it isn’t an inhumane thing to have done. He isn’t looking at all the wrongs and horrible things Joker has done and condoning them. He’s seeing past them to the human he is—to the man he once was, to the person he could have been, and what he will become. I think that makes him more human than ever.

The problem is, Joker didn’t trust his promise. He admits to it in his joke:

The point wasn’t that it's impossible to walk across the beam of light; Joker didn’t believe his offer of salvation to be impossible. The punchline was that the friend would turn off his light when he's halfway across. He’s afraid Batman would give up on (or even trick) him before he reached the “promised land”. He saw how effortlessly Batman jumped the gap, and knowing he can’t reach it as easily, he doesn’t dare hope that he’ll hold out for him. Even he is tired of pretending. He goes as far as to apologize.

Of course, this isn’t the only batjokes timeline. My point is to say that despite everything they’ve done to each other, and all the pain they’ve inflicted, there is real, genuine love beneath it. In the end, they’re both human, and they can bring out the humanity in each other. They could become so much more.

Would they overcome their differences enough to be in a relationship? that’s an even longer post. but you bet your ass I think so 👍

[aydaptic]

Sorry if you've already answered this before but I'm new to the fandom and I found your account through your web-comic and I was wondering what is it about Gavin that you like so much? Why is he one of your favourite characters in dbh? (I've noticed that he isn't much of a fan-favourite in this fandom 😔)

This'll be a long post, but you asked (...and I'll happily answer!) I'll add some descriptions for context. At the top of my head, I can think of 21 reasons why I like his canon equivalent.

1. He's charismatic

Gav gives off an energy that makes it easy to hang onto his every word. I can quote all his lines by heart and I like listening to Neil Newbon (in this specific role) talk. I remember some of Kamski's lines as well -- also mo-capped/voice acted by Newbon -- but Kamski doesn't have nearly as much charisma as Gav does.

2. He's expressive

Ppl who 'talk with their hands' are more charismatic. Gav is all over the place in the break room if you stick around. Hand gestures capture people's attention as they emphasize what is being said.

3. He doesn't think androids are alive (...so in his eyes, the way he treats them isn't wrong)

"Could always try roughin' it up a little. After all... it's not human." - Gavin Reed, The Interrogation

That means he wouldn't rough up a human suspect. This alone justifies his unpleasant attitude towards androids. Hank -- who treated Connor way worse than Gav ever did -- changed his mind. Nothing says Gav can't do the same.

If Alexa suddenly said she was alive, the vast majority wouldn't take it seriously (if any at all.)

4. He's sarcastic

"Congratulations on last night, very impressive." - Gavin Reed, Waiting For Hank...

5. He has dark humor

6. He looks down on people that pay for s*x

Quote above. You don't call someone a "pervert" if you agree with their actions. The Eden Club, in particular, is immoral AF... bc those androids don't have a choice. Gav doesn't care about them being androids, but he still looks down on the guy who paid money to get laid, and I applaud Gav for that. Especially when said guy also had a wife and kids.

7. He has valid concerns about androids taking jobs

Anyone who says differently is either in denial, uninformed, or never had a job they were scared to get fired from. There's already been an uproar about ChatGPT and that's nothing compared to how advanced Detroit: Become Human androids are. The unemployment rate in this game is 37% -- higher than it was during the Great Depression and C*VID -- and androids are the main cause.

I've seen a lot of ppl ask this question:

Q: Why not just buy an android and have them do your job for you, then? You get the money anyway bc it's your android!

A: Bc, believe it or not, the vast majority of men want to work. This is a strange concept to grasp for a lot of ppl. I admire Gav for being one of those men who wants to do it themselves. Letting someone else do your job is taking the easy way out.

8. He's a hard worker

Gallery: "...Ruthlessly ambitious, Reed will do anything to advance his career, even if it means treading on other peoples’ toes."

9. He's ambitious

See the quote above.

10. He doesn't sleep well

This isn't just a headcanon. He has literal bags under his eyes. Just knowing he doesn't sleep well already has me asking, "why?" It's interesting.

11. He puts his feet on the table

After Connor interacts with him in the break room, Gav will go to his desk and do this. I'll go into detail about why this contributes to my liking his character in the very last point.

12. He calls Hank out on his alcoholism

As much as most of us love Hank, he's not in a good space mentally. Showing up drunk/hungover to work should not be tolerated. It not only puts coworkers, but also civilians, at risk. Hank should be in therapy instead of working at the DPD until he gets his life sorted out.

13. He calls Fowler out for giving Hank special treatment

"You won't get away with it this time." - Gavin Reed, The Interrogation (after Hank pulls a literal gun on a human coworker AKA Gav)

So Gav has brought it up to Fowler before and is about to do it again. Ties into the point above. What Hank does -- like assaulting a literal FBI agent -- shouldn't be tolerated.

14. He's a control freak

I gravitate towards ppl and characters who take charge. Those who like being in control and know what they're doing. I'm a control freak myself, but I'd prefer to let someone else take the reins as long as I agree with their methods. I like it when ppl know what they want and act on it. Gav does both.

15. He's protective of his coworkers

I was unsure whether or not to add this as I guess it can be seen as a subjective theory and not an objective fact.

Gav only ever steps in with the gun in The Interrogation when Con uses aggressive force on Chris Miller by tearing him away from the deviant. Con did this after disobeying Gav 3 times. So yeah. Gav is justified for stepping in. Hank, on the other hand, isn't justified for pulling a gun on a human coworker. I see this scene as Gav protecting Chris from Con who is showing signs of deviancy.

16. He can't wink

Endearing.

17. He pouts a lot

Again, endearing.

18. He swears like a sneezing kitten

Same as the two points above.

19. He doesn't like Connor

I don't like Con, either. Yeah. We exist. Personality types like Con's "let's be friends" attitude and constant positivity pisses me off. Before anyone comments that the player decides Con's personality... no. Only to an extent. There are several instances where the player has no say whatsoever. Some of Con's pre-determined responses annoy me.

20. He has great fashion

Big fan of leather jackets.

21. I like him bc I'm a narcissist at times

He's essentially the male equivalent of me to the T. I'm only an asshole internally, though. We love (or hate) characters we relate to. I relate to every single point except 17 and 18 on this list.

There you go :)

His OOC fanon equivalent has a huge fanbase -- especially on Twitter/X and Tumblr turning him into a blushing teenage girl -- but it seems like I'm the only person who can't stand that OOC portrayal of him. That said, I adore his canon equivalent in all his asshole glory.

[simplepotatofarmer]

two roads diverged in a yellow wood

or the similarities and differences between c!techno and c!dream

cc!dream's comments about how his character is similar to c!techno in motivation inspired me to write my first serious lore analysis in forever because it's something i've talked about quite a lot.

there are a lot of similarities between the two, from the fact that they both deal with dehumanization (being seen as a weapon or 'the blade' and being seen as a monster or undeserving of being treated as human) to the fact that they both struggle with showing that they care to their ultimate motivations.

but when it comes down to it, the differences lie in how they respond.

where c!dream leans into his dehumanization (because playing the part of the monster protects him and his plans), c!techno fights against it at every turn. he wants to be seen as a person, he wants to be understood, from his motivations to his reasoning. c!techno tries desperately to get people to see things from his perspective. meanwhile, c!dream doesn't want people to see him as a person because he doesn't want them to look further into his plans, to his reasoning. it's a sort of protection, if everyone thinks he's a senseless villain, they're not going to question him! it allows him to enact his plans without scrutiny.

both c!dream and c!techno want there to be a united server but there's a huge caveat here: techno is an anarchist and dream is an authoritarian. they may have the same motivation but their ways of wanting to enact that couldn't be more different! techno wants a united server insofar as he wants there to be no government, where everyone is free from coercion and there's no leader. on the other hand, dream is completely fine using coercion to have everyone under the same banner, if you will.

something else to note, and i think the most important part, is their relationship with caring and friendships. c!techno used to be someone that thought being alone was the only way to do thing. he thought being alone was the only way to be safe. and c!dream shares this same belief. he dethroned c!george to keep him out of conflict, he told c!punz to pretend to betray him so that punz wouldn't be suspect, and it wasn't until c!ranboo was murdered that dream ever admitted to the fact that they worked together. the difference, the critical difference, is that techno has learned that having friends you care for is a benefit.

and c!dream is still learning that. we see from the last lore that instead of attempting to take down las nevadas alone, he called in his friend and someone who could be an ally, at least for the moment. there was some vulnerability there.

but c!techno had already learned that, had already figured that out, and that's one of the key differences between them. it's their reactions. it's techno saying that he does care and it's dream saying he doesn't give a fuck about anything.

they've had similar experiences but their choices and reactions are what makes them so very different. their motivations are similar but their tactics are on the opposite ends of the spectrum (except for the whole 'yeah let's blow up the government' thing).

it's honestly fascinating because there's so much overlap between the two of them but at each turn, they make strikingly different decisions.

c!techno has been like c!dream (and please, don't get it twisted, this is not me saying he's done things like c!dream has, that's not what this is, it's just that he's been like that, trying not to care, been seen as something not human) but he's farther along his path, he's learned more, he's changed more. techno has taken the steps to do better.

c!dream hasn't, maybe never will, and that's where their paths diverge.

[inquisimer]

fic recs

On this fanfic writer appreciation day, I'm going to take a moment to be sappy and sentimental. Whether I knew it or not at the time, fanfiction has gotten me through some Shit™. Even when I had no motivation to keep going irl, I could always count on ffn or ao3 to have that next chapter, that beautifully crafted one shot, that comfort fic that would make an awful day worthwhile. And when I say I could count on ffn or ao3, I mean I could count on the humans behind the usernames who were posting little pieces of themselves online for all the world to share in. So thank you - to my favorite writers, to those I have yet to find, to the ones who write long fics and the ones who write one shots. Thank you to the consistent updaters and the ones who've never posted anything at all. Thank you for being here and I hope you keep going, whatever fic writing means to you.

I've been lucky to meet some amazing people through this hobby and it's opened up spaces to me that I didn't even know I needed. Places of support and kindness and sharing and community and I wouldn't trade the friendships I've made there for anything else.

Thank you everyone for helping make that space possible💜

And now some fic recs! Because my sappiness has sources and you should all check these out (or at least mark them for when you have spoons later):

One-Shots:

Things my heart used to know (things it yearns to remember) by NiriKeehan (@nirikeehan)

Dragon Age: Inquisition | Cullen Rutherford/Female Lavellan | Rated: T | 3,647 words Unquestionably one of my favorite pieces, a gift I received as part of the DAFF Discord Server 2023 OC Swap event. NiriKeehan beautifully captured the rocky relationship between my oc Neria Surana Lavellan and Cullen and filled in gaps in their history that I'd been struggling with since her inception. Set after the Inquisition arrives at Skyhold, Neria and Cullen work to find common ground despite their tumultuous past and the insanity of their present. Features: Cullen is good at his job, idiots in love, mage-templar dynamics

Cinnamon by Exalted_Dawn (@exalted-dawn-drabbles)

Dragon Age: Inquisition | Calder Eikmann/Talena Ethera | Rated: M | 2,870 words My go-to fluff piece!! Calder and Talenna snuggle and share a sweet (and spicy) moment of peace. Oh, and Calder implies that Talenna (a Dalish elf who has left her clan) is part of his family and his mom thinks so too (I'm super normal about it). Features: tooth-rotting fluff, elf-human relationships, masterful dialogue, love is stored in the apple cider

Lead Her Through the Darkness by BECandCall (@warpedlegacywrites)

Dragon Age: Inquisition | Gen, Female Lavellan | Rated: T | 3,121 words A beautiful character study of the moment @dreadfutures' Ixchel Lavellan chose her name. BECandCall does an incredible job with the internal monologue of a child and her prose and symbolism are expertly and beautifully crafted. Features: character study, genfic, ancient ruins, Evanuris, descriptive and immersive POV

last man standing (perhaps) by havvke (Wintertree)

Dragon Age: II | Carver Hawke & Charade Amell & Female Hawke | Rated: T | 6,749 words I'm a little insane about Charade Amell and how little we get of her in canon, so this gift I received as part of the 2023 Platonic Ideal Exchange was an absolute treat. It explores Charade's relationship (or lack thereof) with both Carver and Hawke, expands on her role with the Jennies, and packs a punch with the grief that is almost a given in any story about Hawke. Features: Warden Carver, new POV of canon events, canon-compliant exploration, families of choice

the things we carry by patho (ghostsoldier)

Dishonored: The Knife of Dunwall | Daud, The Whalers | Rated: T | 4,158 words *shows up ten years late to the Dishonored fandom* *subjects you all to it anyway* so like. I know everyone followed me for Dragon Age. This is a Dragon Age centric blog. But it's my rec post and these Dishonored one shots have been clawing at my heart SO go play the games and then come back and read these fics 😂 This one is just absolutely heart-wrenching angst, as Daud and the Whalers deal with the aftermath of a tragedy. Features: found family, found family but slightly to the left, grief & mourning, betrayal, death, hurt/no comfort

the four times daud summoned a whaler who was totally unprepared for it (and the one time they were) by patho (ghostsoldier)

Dishonored: The Knife of Dunwall | Daud, The Whalers | Rated: T | 1,705 words Unlike the other Dishonored fic on this list, this one is just fluff, fluff, and more fluff. I am a huge fan of when writers interpret game mechanics into narrative format and patho does that SO well here, I could literally picture this happening in the game and it was just a joy to read. Features: found family, humor, begrudging father-figure, slice of life

Long Fics:

Dead Pasts and Dread Futures by youworeblue (@dreadfutures)

Dragon Age: Inquisition | Female Lavellan/Solas | Rated: E | Chapters: 170/170 | Complete | CW: depressive & suicidal themes It is flat out impossible for me to articulate a recommendation for this fic, but hell if I'm not going to try anyway. Ixchel Lavellan's story starts with her suicide - and continues with the journey of how she gets better. It is such a rare thing to find a story of recovery that captures the ups and downs, the highs and lows in a way that resonates with reality, but Blue does it. I don't know how, but she does it. Ixchel struggles, she doubts, she despairs, but she always finds a way forward. Despite or in spite of all the world throws at her, she tries to trust and she tries to hope and she keeps fighting. It's a story about choosing hope, even when no one would expect you to. It's a story of platonic love and empathy and morality and theory and lore and minor characters and so much more that I could fill an entire post with this fic alone. This was one of the first DA fics I ever read and it's one I've come back to over and over again. Because it's the kind of message you need to hear that many times and every time I read it I fall in love with Ixchel, her story, and the world and narrative that Blue has crafted a little bit more. If you only have the spoons to invest in one long fic, this is the one💜 It, and the sequel The Brave Guide, are absolutely worth your time.

A Fool's Death and a Hard Choice by RosellaWrites (@rosella-writes)

Dragon Age: Inquisition | Loghain Mac Tir/Morrigan | Rated: M | Chapters: 12/12 | Complete A masterful exploration of what the reunion between Loghain and Morrigan who completed the Dark Ritual during Origins would look like. RosellaWrites has the biggest brain ideas about characters that most people gloss over or vilify - including me! I was such a Loghain hater before they started me chewing on his character and this fic is no exception. They interpret Loghain's harshness and Morrigan's aloofness into the multifaceted, heart-breaking characters that they are. This fic will win you over and break your heart exactly when you expect it (and again when you don't). Features: Warden Loghain, Kieran, Morrigan is a good mother, appearances by Hawke, Merrill, Zevran, and Mahariel, character study, beautiful descriptive prose

Boundless by Exalted_Dawn (@exalted-dawn-drabbles)

Dragon Age: Inquisition | Calder Eikmann/Talenna Ethera | Rated: E | Chapters: 7/? | Ongoing We get so sparingly little of regular life inside the Circle of Magi, I'm a slut for fics that explore that environment. In this one, Ed explores what is "normal" for a circle mage and how Talenna, as a Dalish elf forced into the Circle, experiences, handles, and fights back against that. Talenna is a spitfire and she plays off the other characters that Ed created in a tantalizingly intense narrative. A must read for circle mage, Templar, and Dalish lovers alike! Features: day-to-day life in a Circle tower, mage-templar dynamics, hurt/comfort, star-crossed lovers, fluff and angst

Letters to the Dead by Demarogue (@demawrites)

Dragon Age: Inquisition | Female Lavellan/Cullen Rutherford | Rated: E | Chapters: 7/? | Ongoing This one is for the ones like me, who broke up with Solas and ran off to see if you could romance Cullen afterward - you can! It's great! And also super heartbreaking if you think about it. And Demarogue has clearly thought about it. Told through a narrative in the present and letters that Niva Lavellan writes to an absent Solas, she weaves a tale of loss, grief, mourning, and (ultimately) recovery, with enough humor to break the tension along the way. Features: solavellan breakup, post-Corypheus battle Inquisition, unresolved tension of all kinds, beautiful exploration of how Cullen would feel about being Lavellan's rebound, idiots to lovers, friends to lovers

Keeping Secrets by ElvenSemi (@elvensemi)

Dragon Age: Inquisition | Original Female Character/Solas | Rated: E | Chapters: 114/? | Ongoing Another one of my comfort fics, no question. This fic is heavy on the plot in all of the best ways - ElvenSemi's OC Emma is the linguist that the Inquisition hires to translate the dragon tome for Frederic of Serault. I love when authors fill in the gaps of canon or bend the canon details to fit their own ideas like that and it works SO well here. Emma is smooth and awkward and clever - she's well thought out and full of surprises and ElvenSemi writes with a strong voice that's a joy to read. It's the Inquisition behind the scenes, from the perspective of one of the people they're sheltering, rather than the higher ups who are running things (although there's certainly some of that too). Features: Skyhold lore and meta, lore and meta in general, the slowest burn Solas arc, lots of Bull/Chargers content, a very well done Sera subplot, so many minor characters in the most interesting ways, sad Tabris content, literally the Worst™ Inquisitor and Hawke ever (affectionate. kind of.), scary Leliana & Cassandra, bestie Dorian & bestie Varric, bards! so much barding, angst and hurt/comfort to the MAX

Temperance and Templars by NiriKeehan (@nirikeehan)

Dragon Age: Inquisition | Female Trevelyan/Cullen Rutherford | Rated: M | Chapters: 4/? | Ongoing A Jane Austen-inspired AU where Cullen is a private Templar hired by the Trevelyans to keep their mage daughter under control without taking her to the Circle. Cullen has other orders from his superiors, of course. I love a canon-adjacent AU (where the characters could be like this, even if they aren't actually) and this is no exception. It's a light and fluffy story for the most part, and explores what Cullen and the Inquisitor's dynamic might have been like if they were a bit younger (and not responsible for saving the world from multiple crises). Features: mage-templar dynamics, nobility, protector/protectee dynamics, lyrium addiction, political intrigue, Cullen has PTSD

From the Depths of the Void by kawakaeguri

Dragon Age: Inquisition | Cullen Rutherford/Original Female Character, Cullen Rutherford/Female Trevelyan | Rated: M | Chapters: 94/? | Ongoing Another one that's heavy on the plot in a very well done way! It also does one of my favorite things, which is weave together a character's arc across multiple games, namely DA2 & DAI. Liviana is a slave in Tevinter until she escapes and makes her way to Kirkwall. This fic tells the story of her stumbling, failing, learning, and growing, from where she enters during DA2 through Inquisition. It expands on the gaps between games and kawakaeguri's ideas about how that might of looked are clever and inspired and keep you on the edge of your seat while you read. Liviana as an OC has an incredibly well done backstory, that is both fleshed out and consistent throughout the story and will have you falling in love with her as I did. Features: well-developed platonic relationships galore, DA2 crew so well written, Liviana and Fenris bonding over Tevinter Slave Experiences™, a brief Liviana/Sebastian fling that explores learning what love is (and what it isn't), well-developed friendship that predates the romantic relationship, tie in of events from the comics, narratively satisfying reworking of canon backstory, character growth in so many ways for so many characters, well-structured subplots

[luckyshotwrites]

Ch. 96 // Here, Kill Him // XXX

Contents (Warnings): To kill him (Angst, slight blood warning, character and monster info as always). Read full chapter on A03

Wordcount: 4,200+

Song I correlate to this Chapter: None to report

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Approximately four years and one month ago

Drake

"A pizzeria!" Edgar said enthusiastically, showing him the mascot that Pete drew on a paper plate in pen. Why would you want to run a pizza place? You make so much money with real estate like Mom. 

"We can work there as a family," his dad had a definite look in his eyes. Drake wouldn't have much choice if he went through with it. 

Drake withheld his displeasure. We can't even eat pizza properly, so what would be the point? 

"I'll think about it."

His dad gave a pleased nod, put the paper plate on the bed, and got ready to take a picture of it to send to Wenna and Ulysses. 

Unfortunately, Drake was walking near his parents 'hotel room when his dad went looking for them, so he was snatched up first. "You can invite Pete's son, Alexander, too. I'm sure he'd love it."

Now you're patronizing me. "I'll pass if he's working there."

His dad looked away from his phone, "he's not that bad to you, is he?"

Drake didn't feel like answering that. "I don't want to miss one of the on-deck events; I'll see you later, Dad."

Unlike the others who left him alone, his dad grabbed at Drake's hood. He rarely did. 

"Be honest with me, yes or no."

Drake winced, pulled, and sighed; his dad wasn't letting go. "He treats me like all you guys do."

"With love?"

"Like I need someone to look after me and worry that I can't defend myself." He said, frustrated by his dad's persistence. 

"We look out for each other."

"No, you trust Wenna and Ulysses alone. I practically have to beg to do anything." Drake tugged hard enough to make Edgar let go. "I'm not some kid anymore."

He got to the door and saw Ulysses when he opened it up. His brother nervously looked over him, and Drake went around him to leave and head back to the upper deck. 

He strode up, past a few other cruise guests, chatting and enjoying themselves. While he chewed on his bitterness. 

To admit his fault would hurt, as no one has any obligation to forgive him. His stubbornness fought against that remorse.

When he reached the top, plenty of people walked around in bathing suits, getting ready for a swim or heading to the pools and slides. Drake pulled his hoodie up. He wasn't a fan of swimming.

He wasn't ecstatic about being here in the first place. I could mingle with humans. He thought to himself. 

As he walked around the edge of the cruise, he spotted Alexander. His family was invited along, but he hadn't seen him much, and now he knew why. Drake took note of the tight grip on the bar, his hunched body, and how he let his head hang over. 

It would be a perfect time to push you off. Drake said in his head. He knew Alexander would save himself even if Drake decided to do that. 

Drake walked to him anyway, "Why would you get on a ship if you get seasick?" 

Alexander rested his head on the bar and groaned, "Why else if I stayed-" he closed his mouth quickly, shuddered, and then groaned again. "My dad would have dragged my ass here anyway." 

You don't seem so challenging now. 

"Seasick, on a cruise like this? You must be super sensitive, the boats barely rocking." Drake hadn't even noticed the girl come near them. She wore a dark purple bikini, one that barely contained her features. 

Bold of a human to get near him. 

"Whatever," Alexander's said between tight lips.

His heart rate is increasing, and his body is tensing. He wants to eat her. 

"He's not very smart, is he?" The brunette said.

"Fuck you," Alexander faced her, then immediately turned his head and held his head over the edge. 

"He's not," Drake replied.

The girl giggled at his reply and then prodded at Alexander further. "Can you swim because you look very pushable right now?"

I like this girl already.

Alexander grumbled, "laugh it, fucking up."

"I'm sorry I'm teasing," She inched closer to him, her eyes tracing over every inch of his body as if she was looking for something. 

She doesn't sound attracted to him, but she can't take her eyes off him. Drake didn't know what to make of this human. She caught Drake staring at her—he hadn't fully covered his eyes with his bangs. 

He expected her to look and have the tremors of disgust. She didn't. Her heart beat with familiarity as if he was a friend of hers. But he had never met her before, at least not that he remembered. 

Her green orbs flowed back to Alexander, "You do realize you could go to the boat nurse and get some medication, right?"

Alexander shook his head, "most medicines won't work on me."

She leaned back on the bars, "sensitive to only the sea, huh?" The brunette moved closer, "you could always have someone knock you out, so you're not so vulnerable."

Drake watched her touch at Alexander's back. He flinched and swung back and instinctually grabbed her wrist.

Her heart's still calm. He let it go.

"Don't do that."

She nodded, "Sorry." There was a silence more between them before she spoke again. "You have swift reflexes. It's like you don't even think."

Alexander barely gave a grunt in response. Drake could tell he was itching to eat the human but couldn't due to his sickness. Not that Drake thought he should, anyway.

She gave off such an odd aura. Her face mimicked expressions of worry or fear, yet her heart didn't hold one of those tunes. She's been faking it. Why?

She lifted her wrist with her grapevine watch, "Oh, shoot, I forgot to meet them at the pool. It was nice to meet you both," we haven't even exchanged names.

Drake was about to reply, but she bumped into him on her way out. He wanted to turn back and get her but lost balance. He didn't know why he felt more drained than usual. 

Alexander snagged his hood and kept him from falling.

"SORRY!" She exclaimed as she ran toward the pools.

Drake barely vocalized a thank you, as he was far more intrigued by the oddity of a human they just met and would never see again. 

...

Andras had called Drake in a week after their cruise. He expected a job but instead was greeted with a proposition. 

"I think I figured out a way for you to take down your problem." The curly-haired male said; he ushered Drake to sit next to him. 

"Invite Alexander here," Andras said with the enthusiasm of a giddy schoolgirl. 

"Why the hell would I do that?"

"He cares about you, right?" Andras said, "All you have to do is invite him over for a drink or two of crested, except we infuse your venom with it. Then, you two play a game blindfolded, and by the time it kicks in, he'll be rendered pretty useless."

"He can turn into his Wendigo form and get bigger."

"He can't."

Drake narrowed his gaze, "how are you so sure?"

He seems too confident for it to be a guess. 

He smiled brightly like an innocent child, "Call it a hunch; every hybrid has its defects."

There was something about his tone that made Drake think otherwise. 

Andras pestered him about it eagerly, and Drake caved in. He invited Alexander, and he skeptically showed up.

"Why did you invite me to a strip club?" Alexander gestured to the side door they were going into. He refused to go any further. 

"You'll see," Neither Drake nor Alexander wanted to go inside. I want him far away from my personal life.

"You better have a good explanation."

He trusts me? What have I done to make him do that?

Alexander followed him inside, and Drake was relieved Andras didn't put any of the music on he usually did to play around. 

"So this is Drake's best friend," Andras chirped; he was behind the door. He shut it once they were both in and threw himself from it to Alexander.

The blonde rolled his eyes and scanned over Andras. His eyes gave a faint blue glow, "Who are you?"

"Where are my manners," Andras took a step back and lifted his hand, "My name is Andras, and I've heard a lot about you, Alexander."

His hand hesitantly came up. Drake listened to the uneasy. He doesn't trust Andras, that's for sure.

"Uh-huh." Alexander shook his hand, "are you the one that wanted me here?"

"No, no, that's Drake's doing. He told me you were a little noisy before and was curious about what he was up to." 

Alexander turned his head to Drake, "You're working in a strip club?"

"NO! I'm not a stripper!" Drake exclaimed embarrassedly.

Andras burst into laughter, "Well, you do technically show yourself to people-"

Drake pointed at Andras, "I DO NOT. THAT'S NOT WHAT I DO."

He definitely amused his curly-haired boss.

"Then what's going on here?" Alexander asked, utterly lost.

 Andras escorted them over to a booth across from one of the stages. The rooms that led to the back were pretty close. And Andras cleared the area to keep his other employees and guests from coming around. 

He had a pan with the drinks set to pour. Drake had to add his 'tonic,' and he'd do it to both since it doesn't affect him the same way. And naturally, he wouldn't think it'd affect Alexander even if he ingested it that way. If it wasn't for the properties of crested alcohol, he wouldn't have agreed to it.

"Drake works for me here, donating his blood," Andras said hesitantly.

Alexander's eyebrows furrowed, "what." He looked at Drake pouring the drinks. "People don't need it. Why would you give it away?"

"Money, why else," Drake said, though it wasn't entirely true. He did like the power that came with ordering people around. 

"Money?" Alexander pressed his glasses, "For someone who shouldn't let people know what he is, you seem pretty content on letting people know!"

"He can protect himself; if he can't, he has us here," Andras replied.

Alexander flipped back to him, "I don't care how powerful you think you are. He shouldn't be putting his ass in danger for money."

"You're not my parents."

"And your parents know?!"

Drake bit his tongue. This is why I wanted to avoid inviting him. He squinted at Andras as he brought the table drinks. 

"Drake is free to tell whoever he wants. They don't if he didn't think his parents should know."

Exactly.

A growl worked up from Alexander's throat. "You think I'd advocate this?" 

Drake slid him a drink, took him, and gave one to Andras. "No. I thought you'd complain. That's why you'll leave me alone if I can beat you at a game. If I don't, I'll do whatever you want."

Alexander looked at the glass, "I don't drink-"

"It's crested alcohol. It won't get you drunk on one glass," Drake said.

"You want to bet my silence on a game." Alexander picked up a glass. 

Drake lifted his glass, "you wanted to know what I was up to, now you know. I have been doing it for months without a problem besides you. If something does happen, you know where I am." Drake drank his liquid, hoping Alexander would do the same.

Andras curiously watched and drank, too. 

Alexander drank it and slammed the glass down without breaking it. "Whatever. But if you win for some reason, and you don't come home on time, I'll tell them."

Drake didn't sense a lie. "Okay."

He put his glass down, too. They got a blindfold begrudgingly on Alexander, and the game would be simple: slap the other hand faster wins. It was harder as neither of them could really see. And Andras monitored it. They'd have fine minutes, and whoever got their hand slapped the most lost. Drake hovered his hands over Alexanders and pulled them back when he felt they were about to be slapped.

Alexander was surprisingly faster, at least...at first. It started to die down when Alexander spoke about his sluggishness. He was only ignored and made fun of until...

I won. Drake said it in his head and not out loud. Alexander slumped in the seat. He found himself unable to move. The venom Drake made Alexander drink worked.

And because most spells required a range of touch or sight, Alexander couldn't do a thing with his eyes blindfolded like that. 

The paralysis hadn't fully set in as his body twitched. Alexander refused to give up so easily. 

"I remember you said he was too powerful," Andras's tease stroked Drake's back. He plopped down next to Alexander, "all you need to do is assess your opponent. Find vulnerabilities and BAM." 

He slapped at Alexander's chest, and his arms twitched as if to react; they almost did. 

Andras whistled, "Fairly impressive; that was a lot of venom."

Drake glanced over the blindfolded body and ten back to Andras. He had no one to witness this underhanded victory, nor no one to praise him as he wanted, except Andras. 

Andras then got to his feet and pulled a dagger from his holster. "Now, you can kill him." 

The word kill stabbed Drake's brain. He hadn't thought of that. Some of him sometimes wished Alexander wasn't in the picture, not that he should be killed. 

"I don't-" 

"After all this, you're going to let him go?" Andras waved the dagger around, "Did you want to give him to give you a chance to take you down? Maybe even kill you first?" 

"No."

The male with three dots under his left eye shifted the blade in his hand and held it out to Drake. "It should be strong enough to stab into his chest. If not, use more force to dig it deep in there." 

The blade felt heavy, riddled with seals, magic, and a metal foreign to Earth. He sifted the spiral blade in his hand, inspecting it and the small spikes along its edges. They looked like they were meant to chip off inside a target when it was used. 

Drake tilted his head back to Alexander. He moved closer and closer. Everything else in the party room seemed still. Drake scrutinized the hybrid's chest as it rose and fell. 

The pangs of fear were light. He expected it to be louder, crying at Drake to stop. They weren't. 

Why isn't it loud? Drake refused to accept that Alexander acknowledged this as his end.

His free hand cradled underneath Alexander's jaw. "Why aren't you scared?"

Alexander's body quivered in a futile rebellion. His breath barely left his lips. "I know the difference between someone who wants to and will kill me and someone who won't."

No one else wants to kill you. What do you mean? Drake strode to get angry, but...a person's heart never lied. He could tell the difference between every single one he's heard, their lies, their truths, their emotions—most species had very similar signs, with slight variations depending on the person. 

Yet Alexander never lied. Drake assumed he was playing the tough guy. He wasn't. 

"You think I won't?" Drake lined up the knife at Alexander's shirt. 

Alexander's voice came out in a single breath, "No." 

Drake's hand shook, so he threw his other hand over, and it did the same. In distress, he looked back at Andras and realized his reliance.

He didn't want this. Drake needed reassurance that what he was doing was right. Why did Drake demand approval for something 'he'd want'. If it was what he truly desired, he would have done it.

He was jealous, envious of what Alexander had. Everyone treated Alexander as normal, regardless of what they said about his defects— he received no special treatment like Drake. 

Drake pushed away and turned to Andras, "I'm not killing him. He did nothing to warrant it."

Andras sighed with a slight, 'I expected this' written on his face. "Sounds good." The curly-haired fellow walked closer to Drake and held out his hand, "I'll finish it up from here and see you tomorrow."

"Finish it?"

"Kill him."

Drake held the knife to his chest. "I don't want you to kill him either."

Andras shrugged, "I suppose I can let Victoria do so?"

"I don't want him to die." 

Andras snickered and peered past Drake at Alexander, "We can't let him get away now. He knows too much, and he'll put a charge against you."

The regret nested in his lungs. "I-I don't care."

"Well, I do. I'd rather none of us get involved with too much of a mess, so for the preservation of what we have going on, he has to die." Andras waved his open hand in front of Drake again, "You won't have to deal with it, though; I'll make sure there's nothing left." 

He had known Andras for several months. He was young, intelligent, and powerful. Someone who Drake admittedly feared. Because of it, he could feel his hand loosen its grip on the blade. 

It almost slipped like butter on a heated pan from his grasp into Andras's. He kept it from doing so. It might have been the confidence he worked up with Andras. "I said we're not killing him." Or it could be the defiance he always had when the weak were in danger.

Andras's eyes went from the dagger and up to Drake. Nothing about Andras looked unnerved by the sudden revolt. He was placid. 

"You'd rather protect someone you hate over someone who helped you." 

Drake repeated himself. "I don't want him to die."

"We all die sometime." Andras grabbed the blade with glowing eyes. He had a cloak over his body. "Now move."

It left like a final warning. Drake had the displeasure of being on the receiving end. Up until this point, Andras's gaze contained a charismatic charm. What he gave Drake now was an ultimatum. 

I'm not a hero. I won't win. 

Andras killed many others before Drake or showed them the 'proper way' of doing things. He didn't want to be an example, nor did he want to die for Alexander.

Not that he had the choice anymore. He already grabbed Andras's arm and flipped him to the ground. 

It all happened so fast. Drake didn't know he did it. He only came to his senses when he heard the cackling. 

Andras sat up quickly and looked over at Drake. "The fun way it is," He sprang to his feet effortlessly and in a swift motion like he pulled electricity particles out of thin air; his fingers crackled. 

There was little of a warning or time to move. He aimed it at Drake, and the charge struck him and sparked off to the lights nearby, making them pop and riddle the floor with glass.

The volt made Drake's body convulse, and heat so rapidly it boiled at the front of his flesh. Then, it all vanished. The pain, sight, everything for a few seconds.

And a new breath entered his lungs, the sight of splattered blood and melted flesh around him. The original hit had made his body burst, and he regenerated when it settled.

He didn't even get a chance to recover, either. Andras sprang on top of him before he got up. 

Not a sound left his mouth before Andras threw his hand in front of it. Another burst of blue consumed his vision and erupted into his head. It threw him to the aching darkness. 

When his body reconstructed him, he huffed. Andras's grip shifted to Drake's neck. Andras licked Drake's blood from his face. 

"Learned yet?"

In defiance, he tried to shout a spell. The surge from the fellow's fingertips expelled up his neck. 

This time, the darkness was more of a fuzzy blur before his body fixed itself. 

Drake wouldn't stop either; again and again, he continued only to have his head, jaw, neck, even eyes, and hands fired and blown to pieces. 

Soon, he itched for energy. He stopped paying attention to the blood-soaked villain. He was feeling too cold for that. 

"You'll die soon," Andras said.

He's right. The thought that he'd go out so pitifully enraged him, not like this. Yet, somehow, he figured that's how it would end. He heard countless stories of those who were flawless, dying young. They'd be torn apart too many times. 

Drake was hitting his limit. A vampire could keep coming back until their energy ran out. 

He'd die with many eyes around him as the guests and workers had come to see what was happening. 

That was also why Drake couldn't believe Alexander got behind Andras.

Andras glanced back in time for an eruption of force to send him back into a few of his employees. 

Alexander yanked Drake's bloodied body from the ground, "Get out of here." He barked. He looked as pitiful as Drake with the continuous twitches of his barely listening form. 

The onlookers fled for safety while the workers were up in arms, ready to attack them. 

"I'm not running away." Drake spat in time to see the spark from across the room come at them. 

It suddenly hit a constructed barrier that Alexander made to protect them. 

I'm not going to die being rescued. Drake took his opportunity and used what made a flawless so special besides their blood. 

As long as he saw the magic performed, his mind temporarily saved it like data. He copied every motion perfectly. 

What was left flooded into his arms—the air crackled and buzzed, making the hair of the two stand up on end. He threw his arms forward, his handicap making it stronger, and it whipped back just as hard. 

Unlike how the spell should have worked, Drake shouldn't have received any backlash, and it should have gone directly to his prey. Instead, it fried his arms and launched itself in several spiral waves, propelling themselves at Andras and everything around him. 

Drake's arms didn't heal after that. His energy seemed to leave with his first breath after that. He lost his sensations from hearing, taste, smell, and touch, and then,

his sight.

...

The wakefulness of being alive left a faint, foul taste in his mouth. It was a familiar one, too—the blood of a hybrid.

He forced back the taste coating his tongue and supposed his reason for being alive. 

His eyes lazily tried to search over the mostly pearl-colored room before being interrupted by a chipper tone. 

She threw herself onto one side of the bed, near Drake's face. "DRAKE!"

He figured the calm quietness of the sudden noise made his ears ring. "Ow, yeah..."

His sister pulled back and hovered near his bed instead of pressing on it. "Sorry."

"It was your voice, not your position." Drake didn't feel comfortable with her so close anyway. She had started biting people not too long ago. "Where am I?"

He turned his head away, and his eyes fell on Alexander. He slouched back, playing a game with earbuds on. Drake found it odd that no one else was around.

"You're in a C.P.P.A. infirmary. They brought you here to ask questions about the whole...thing." His sister's dance around the topic couldn't be any more apparent. 

He shifted under the fitted sheets. 

Drake felt so tired that he wanted to drift back. He didn't dare ask where the rest of the family was. He figured they didn't want to talk to him. He also assumed Wenna only came out of pity and Alexander, maybe he wants to finish me off. 

"I should probably go tell everyone you're awake. It'll distract them from trying to find that guy themselves and kill him for trying to kill you-" she realized what she said and slowly tapered off. "both."

Wenna dryly chuckled and sprang from her seat. She gave a wave and left the room. 

Drake side-eyed Alexander, "You lied to them?"

"You weren't gonna do it," Alexander said, barely looking up from his game, meaning he heard the conversation the whole time. 

"I got you into that situation!" Drake gripped at the frustration he wanted Alexander to have at him. 

Alexander shrugged, "and? We're both out."

"Are you stupid?" Drake growled. He's just letting me off like everyone else. "What if I didn't help you?!"

"Then I would have died."

Why doesn't he care about his own life? Drake sat up. His body hurt, but he ignored it. "YOU SHOULD BE PISSED."

Alexander looked more interested in his game.

Drake couldn't hear any signs of worry, not even anger. He threw himself up from the bed; Alexander lurched toward Drake, moving his game aside to catch him in case he fell. 

"Get your ass into bed." Alexander snapped. 

Drake slapped at Alexander's hands that reached at him. The brands of guilt burned hotter against every part of his body. "Why would you even help me after what I did! I treated you like shit."

"Get into bed."

Drake refused. His legs shook, unable to hold his own weight. "Pity? Obligation? Bragging rights? Make me feel awful? Kill me yourself?" Drake needed some kind of answer. He needed it to justify himself in some kind of way. "Answer me!" His voice broke in a pleading desperation.

Alexander grabbed Drake's arms. "Don't ask me stupid questions. I don't need a fucking reason to do the right thing." Alexander threw Drake back on the bed. "I will bind your ass to that bed if you get up again when you can barely walk. You had a sliver of energy left after you blasted that curly-haired weirdo. You shouldn't even be alive."

I shouldn't. Drake remembered the taste in his mouth when he woke up. It was clear Alexander gave him his blood to survive. 

Drake heard the approaching heartbeats from outside the door and lowered his head in defeat. He couldn't think of what to say to Alexander. He just sat back and was swarmed by everyone else.

...

Hey, you, thank you so much for reading. I'm glad I put out a story that people can enjoy! I hope you continue to enjoy it as WE have a LOT more to go! YOU BETTER KEEP PROSPERING! (Nonnegotiable, as always~).

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Catch up, see some maps/art, or check the latest release dates down below  ↓ ↓ ↓ 

What I’d do for a Livable Income Part 2 (Synopsis/Chapter - List)

[watermeloncholycucumbersome]

Day 70 of Writing Something Everyday

(365 Day Challenge)

True Story.

Why is everyone "too busy" when I need them,

But I have to be available and ready to go when others need me?

It's the truth I've suffered the repercussions..

I guess there's a big difference between mine and others' mentalities,

I know how it feels to be:

Not thought about,

Unacknowledged,

Last minute additive,

The odd one out...

Bullied...

Patronized..

Purposely made feel bad...

I don't do that to others because it's a terrible feeling but I guess most I've met have never had that problem,

The world at their beckon call...

It must be nice to have the world on speed dial and it just answers on the first ring, agreeing to do your bidding.

I haven't had that luxury unfortunately.

They just use me when they need me,

And guess what? I'm right there like an idiot doing whatever needs done.

I text someone they never respond all day,

Yet I'm the asshole if I don't respond in 2.7 seconds.

I need to find friends?

Oh okay, just let me go to the friend store..

You don't think I've tried?

NOBODY WANTS TO TALK TO ME.

I'm not lying they get what they want and I foolishly think I have someone to talk to because they've humoured me for a bit and they never come back.

Show me where these decent people are..

I've definitely not seen them or met them,

To have a friend you have to be a friend.

Friendship is a one way street now, all take and no give.

I try to share with others what I have but that's not good enough, the humans around me are too privileged I guess,

Then I'm expected to take what I'm given with a smile on my face and a thank you on my lips.

Everyone seems to have a choice but me..

When am I going to wake up and realize that people don't like me?

Heck, they don't even think about me..

When they do I'm looked up and down like the world is a fashion show and I didn't get the memo.

Sorry for not being fancy enough to hang out with you..

"Oh you cut your own bangs? Ha-ha-ha-ha"

Yes, yes it's hilarious to not have anyone help me so I have to do it myself..

"Oh she's so Canadian!"

Here we have exhibit A, the little uncultured swine called Jenni.

She only eats certain things she can handle because she might be a bit neuro like that..

Things out of her 'safe zone' might taste weird, make her vomit, and she's not partial to weird textures etc.

Watch her struggle learning to use chopsticks and laugh because it's sooooooo hilarious, then when she picks it up quickly because she's being bullied so bad ignore her.

Oh look she must've been allergic to something we tried to get her to eat! Isn't that cute?!

She's also fat so why is she so picky with her food? She wasn't to gain the weight!

*the crowd pisses themselves laughing*

I don't have to be like you and you don't have to be like me.. That is okay you know?

God didn't make us all to be carbon copies of each other, He's not boring He doesn't like making the same thing twice..

It bugs me that I didn't even get considered to help pick my deceased mother's birthday cake, both of us hated red velvet..

But I should be thankful right?

We should all just have a laugh at the poor girl who's now a legit orphan and feel better when we go to sleep tonight because we've done our good deed of the day.

Jesus would be proud..

God, I wish my mom were here..

But thankfully for you all she isn't or else you would've got an ear full.

Thankfully she isn't here to tell you all you're jerks and shouldn't treat anyone like this - not even an enemy.

This is gross behaviour from grown assed adults.

Be thankful I don't say anything, be thankful I forgive you.

But don't take advantage of my love for God, even He tells you not to be around people like that.

Be thankful my Mom's not here to get upset but it's sad that there's not even a fear of God from "Christian" people or they wouldn't have acted like that.

You think my mom was bad, wait until my Father gets home.

And that's actually terrifying to be honest.

I forgive you.

I forgive you.

I forgive you

Please God don't let them do this to someone else.

~Jenni

[obey-me-transcript]

Lesson 1-15

Leviathan: ...All right, enough. This is starting to depress me.

Leviathan: Anyway, I didn't bring you here to tell you about TSL.

Leviathan: I don't think there's any harm in just coming out and saying what you already know is true: Mammon is a complete and utter scumbag.

Leviathan: It's very important that you understand this. So I'll say it one more time.

Leviathan: Mammon is a hopeless

Leviathan: worthless

Leviathan: scumbag.

Leviathan: I lent that scumbag money, and now I want him to pay me back.

Leviathan: But being the scumbag that he is, he won't do it.

Leviathan: I wish I could force him to, but despite what a rotten waster of space he is, Mammon's still the second oldest.

Leviathan: As the third oldest, no matter how hard I try, I don't stand a chance against him.

Leviathan: You say you want to know how Mammon and I first became enemies? Well, it's a long story, but sure. I'll tell you, human.

Leviathan: Once, a long time ago, Mammon won a prize in a convenience store promotional campaign. If you bought something, they let you reach into a box and pull out a piece of paper that told you what you'd won. And the prize Mammon won was a Seraphina figurine, something I would've died to have. But, despite the fact that Mammon had no interest in it at all, he refused to give it to me. Why, you ask? Because I wanted it... that's it. That was the only reason. I wanted it, and he said no just to torment me. I mean, how awful is that?! So, I got to thinking... Mammon's going to end up treating Seraphina like some random piece of junk. That much is a given. I can maybe handle it if he at least leaves her in her original packaging, but what if he actually takes her out of the box?! He might just do it! And if he does, he'll get dust on her, won't he?! I decided I had to save Seraphina, so I snuck into Mammon's room in the middle of the night. And what do you think I saw there?!

Leviathan: You're not gonna believe it. He didn't open the box... No, it's way worse than that. He hadn't even taken it out of the plastic convenience store bag, which he'd tossed on the floor of his room. THE FLOOR! He actually left SERAPHINA on the FLOOR! The Queen of the High Elves Herself! Sure, she seems cold and prideful at first, but once you get her alone, you find out that she really wants affection, she just doesn't know how to admit it, and it's soooo cute! Yet Mammon just threw her on the floor! And I don't think he'd cleaned it in three months. It was covered in junk. Old empty cup ramen containers, tissues with dried snot and... and boogers in them. Stuff was strewn everywhere. And there she was, lying there amongst all that! On the FLOOR! Tossed aside like so much junk! How COULD he?!

Leviathan: It was so awful that I just lost it, and flew into a rage. I walked straight over to Mammon, who was lying on his bed asleep. Then I raised my leg up into the air over him and brought my heel down onto his stomach as hard as I could. But the next thing I knew, he wasn't there on the bed anymore. It all happened so fast. He moved with incredible speed. He grabbed me, picked me up, and slammed me headfirst onto the floor in a pile driver. And the worst part is that he was STARK NAKED!

Leviathan: ...As I started to lose consciousness, I remember thinking...why does he have to sleep in the nude? He could at least put on some underwear.

Leviathan: I don't remember anything else after that...

Leviathan: You've seen just how fast he is yourself, haven't you? No one aside from Lucifer or Beel has that kind of speed.

Leviathan: But if, say, a human made a pact with Mammon, and bound him to their service...

Leviathan: ...then he'd have to do whatever that human told him to.

Leviathan: Which means that if you make a pact with Mammon and then ordered him to give me back my money...

Leviathan: ...he wouldn't have any choice but to do it.

MC: What's a pact?

Leviathan: A pact, with a demon... Haven't you seen that in movies and such?

Leviathan: The demon lends his strength to a human to make their wish come true in exchange for their soul.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MC: I don't want to give up my soul!

Leviathan: That isn't always necessary. It depends on what's in the pact.

Leviathan: But, well, you need to give SOMETHING to the demon to make it worth the exchange, so it's pretty much inevitable.

Leviathan: If you don't want to give up your soul, then I'll tell you how you can negotiate with Mammon.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MC: That's so cool!

Leviathan: Your reaction is kinda worrisome considering I didn't even tell you about the risks yet, but oh well!

Leviathan: Using a demon sounds cool, right? You wanna give it a try?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Leviathan: Also, I'm sure it would be useful having him as your servant. I mean, despite how awful he is, he's still a powerful demon.

Leviathan: But I bet you feel worried, being dragged down here to the Devildom and all.

Leviathan: So, I don't think it would end up being a bad deal for you, either.

Leviathan: Don't you agree?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MC: Yeah! All right, I'll go give it a shot!

Leviathan: Are you really optimistic by nature, or are you too stupid to know what you're getting into?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MC: I'm not sure I could manage to do that.

Leviathan: Hey, don't give up before you've even tried! I thought humans weren't quitters. I thought your kind had guts, resolve! You'll stand for hours on end under a blazing hot sun in and endless comic-con line, enduring crowds worse than a rush hour subway car, stepping over the bodies of those who've collapsed from heat stroke, all to get your hands on some new comic you have to read no matter what. It's horrible - awful, even! But you overcome it, and you succeed! THAT'S what humans are about!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MC: How would I go about doing that?

Leviathan: I take it this means you think this plan of mine could work, right? Excellent.

Leviathan: You may be human, but still...you show some promise!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Leviathan: Regardless, if I'm being honest, I don't really care what you think.

Leviathan: What's important is that I have a plan, and I'm going to explain it to you now.

Leviathan: So, shut up and listen.

Leviathan: If you just walk up to Mammon and ask him to make a pact with you, he'll never agree.

Leviathan: No, you need some leverage... a bargaining chip.

Leviathan: You're going to offer him something in return...

Leviathan: Something he wants so badly that he'd do ANYTHING to get it.

[dreamcast-official]

Ooh, what’s the Mega Man lore like?

OK. SO. BUCKLE UP ITS GONNA BE A WHILE. im gonna focus on the classic series because theres quite a bit in the whole franchise as well as branching timelines (if you wanna know anything about any specific series in the franchise then lmk but yeah focusing on the classic series for now!)

the whole story starts with two scientists - dr. thomas light and dr. albert w. wily. light and wily were colleagues in university and studied robotics together, but they had very different end goals with robotkind. while light planned on creating robots not only to make life easier for humans but also so that robots themselves could live freely as any other lifeform would, wily saw things differently and only wanted to create robots for working. no plans on treating them like people at all. because of this (and wily's inferiority complex) their friendship began to fall apart, but it lasted long enough for them to work on robots together.

the first ever robot with sentience was created by dr. light (with dr. wily as an assistant) - his name was blues, serial number DLN-000. dr. light created him as a prototype, a test to see if this sort of robot would be feasible, but most of all, light created blues to be his son. light had always wanted a family but for some reason or another was unable to have biological kids, so when he found the chance to make a child, he took it. and he loved blues so dearly.

but blues... well. he was a prototype, after all. he wasnt perfect. his power core was deeply, deeply unstable, and he ended up suffering a malfunction during a test run. dr. light wanted to fix him, of course, he had to help his son, but... it just wouldn't be possible to fix his core without replacing it, and since he was a prototype, he wasn't made to be able to withstand such repairs. replacing blues' core would erase his memories and personality, functionally turning him into someone else entirely. dr. light had two choices: either his son would die, or his son would die and his body would become a shell for someone else. it was an impossible decision. for some reason (it varies depending on which material you're looking at), blues opted to run away and not make his father make that choice. so blues just disappeared into the world, the first of his kind, the only of his kind.

either way. that happened. for all that happened, blues was a successful prototype. he proved a robot with sentience and free will, limited as it was, was possible. so dr. light went forward with his work, creating the first line of robot masters, known as the light numbers: DLN-001, rock light; DLN-002, roll light; DLN-003, cut man; DLN-004, guts man; DLN-005, ice man; DLN-006, bomb man; DLN-007, fire man and DLN-008, elec man. with the exception of the twins, rock and roll, every robot master in the original light numbers line was created to do work human beings couldn't do. rock and roll's purpose was to be not only lab assistants, but also dr. light's children - much like blues had once been.

the light numbers were a great success! and they worked perfectly! and, what i think is most important, they were happy with their lives! but of course, good things can't last. because dr. wily is a manchild who can't let go of a grudge, he went after the light numbers and stole them. reprogrammed them. made them do horrible things. only rock and roll escaped this. there was nothing that could combat the robot masters - the world would fall to ruin if it stayed like this. because of his strong sense of justice, rock decided to stand up and do something. he was modified and given the capacity to fight, becoming mega man! he went after his fellow light numbers, defeated them, returned them to dr. light so they could be their normal selves again, and defeated dr. wily!

of course though this wasn't the end of it. there are a lot of games in this series after all. and this was all just the first game!!!

[bookwyrminspiration]

hi quil! got another question about sophie's parents since your answer to the last ask inspired me: do you think there might have been another option for william and emma after the events of Nightfall?

i don't really like how they were treated by the plot and had basically no way to deal with their trauma, considering that emotions can remain even after memories are Washed, and i have the (probably unsupported by plot) wish that they should have been allowed to choose whether they wanted to have their memories washed or to try to deal with all their trauma whilst keeping the Lost Cities a secret. I know Amy didn't get captured and tortured, but they gave her the choice to keep her memories and she was like twelve, so i feel like her parents should have been given the choice and were also better able to deal with it all.

(not to mention, i feel like it'd be easier to keep a secret as a family instead of Amy having to spend literally the rest of her life being unable to tell her parents about her secret sister)

Oh and a disclaimer, i haven't read nightfall in a hot minute so maybe i've forgotten some plot points!

Hello again! I don't think you've forgotten anything crucial, that was pretty much what happened. However, I don't think--and this is just my personal opinion and conclusions--there's really anything major that could be changed because of time constraints.

It was unfair to Emma and William on a number of levels, taken care of by others who presumed to know what was best for them when they hadn't been trusted with that responsibility by the two. But her human parents have already served their purpose in the story; they raised Sophie, gave a view of her human life, and they were left behind. We don't need more from them, and anything else that does involve them is going to be purely for the emotional, personal benefits of a select few characters.

It would be an intense, involved process for our main character, and most of all take time. And that time wouldn't connect to the rest of the plot and world. Her human parents aren't connected or involved in anything enough on any tangible level to make the massive diversion from the rest of the world worth it. We can't just take a break from the rest of the series, and trying to balance the two would just make it more difficult to write rather than choosing one or the other. You can only split your focus between so much, and the Fosters would want more time, I think.

If this was a real situation? Yeah, I do think there's better options that actually involve the Fosters, considering their input and dealing with the trauma they faced. Perhaps letting them keep the secret, finding some way to work out Sophie being between worlds, letting them know Sophie as she wants to know them, any number of things. But that doesn't happen overnight and there just isn't enough connection to everything else to justify taking that time out of the middle of the series; it's purely for their relationship and benefit--which is important, but just not enough.

I do think this is the kind of thing that could be postponed to the end of the series and then revisited though, because once all the big conflict is over, there's all the time in the world (provided Sophie/her family doesn't perish). We could have one of those ambiguous ending scenes where the Neverseen has been defeated, she's got herself a little sorted out, and she knocks on the door to her family's home and introduces herself or something.

They don't need to be completely eradicated from the story forever, but I think the time they'd take is most plausibly addressed after the series. I think it's a constraint of storytelling, and that if this were a real life situation then we could change it. But again! This is my personal opinion and how I think it would work/not work!

[bookittyboop]

VegasPete and the failure to detoxify them

People have been discussing whether Pete would escape or Vegas would let him go for weeks, the significance and importance of the second option, things that logically made Pete feel conflicted in the novel etc...and I feel like BOC gave it much less thought.

I may be not connecting why they made certain changes or choices but I'm honestly feeling a bit let down and worried about how they'll solve certain issues(some of which they created themselves).

Disclaimer: this is long and rambly.

To begin with, Pete freeing himself is a huge faux-pas for me.

There is a difference between promising something because you're desperate and actually going through with it. Here, Vegas didn't actually free Pete, he didn't even get the keys out.

If Vegas had unshackled Pete, they both would have known what it meant. That Pete could do what he ultimately does, run away leaving Vegas in a very precarious position (with his father for sure and esp if he told the truth to the main family), and still Vegas had risked it for his wellbeing.

As it is, Vegas can have hope, because either they are playing a very long game with him, or Pete has kept his mouth shut and is protecting him.

Pete knows no such thing. He can't be sure that the moment he'd calmed down Vegas wouldn't have just tied him more securely and drugged him to make sure he couldn't hurt himself, for example.

The next thing I'm unhappy with, because again it leaves Pete with a lot of uncertainty, is Vegas putting him through the cycle of abuse and how violent it was.

It may make sense because nobody has a magical booty that destroys unhealthy coping mechanisms but at the same time...

Why would Pete, who apparently's done some work on how abuse works ever go back to somebody who claims to care about him but perpetuates the patterns on him the moment Pete acts like a human being and says something he doesn't want to hear.*

Before, Vegas and Pete may have been cordial at times, but their relationship was clear-cut. If Vegas mistreated Pete, it was to be expected.

Now, Vegas offered Pete a chance to escape (his personhood, his freedom) and was awarded compassion in turn. They had the kind of sex that's about connection and trust more than anything else. Vegas was sweet in the aftermath, though I appreciate that none of what they did necessarily indicates "love" .

The very next thing Vegas does is go and take his frustrations out on Pete again, undoing all progress.

This is worse (at least for Pete) than anything he's done before because before we were talking torture and assault, part and parcel of the job, there was no betrayal. This is much more akin to dv or ipv.

We see Vegas go through the whole cycle. He was nice, finds himself in a stressful situation, goes to Pete and reverts to humiliation, dehumanization, threats and violence, realizes he is "losing" him, apologizes, begs, makes promises (but he doesn't actually go through with them, and we don't know if he would have).

Pete's gone through something similar before. He was pretty defenseless as a child, but he had his granny and the hope that someday he'd become an adult and be able to escape the situation.

Now he is being asked to enter the wolf's den himself, knowing that after all he gave Vegas, after Vegas seemed to give it the value it has, when push came to shove, he still reminded him of "his place". He said it himself that Vegas treated him as emotional support, not a person in his own right.

How is Pete supposed to trust it won't happen again? How many chances is he supposed to give Vegas even if he knows Vegas himself is a victim? If what he's seen from Vegas is that he won't/can't break the cycle for either of them?

If we had been given a scene where Vegas seriously and visibly tried to control himself, and partially succeeded, that would have indicated seeds of growth Pete could cling to afterwards. A Vegas that fights ingrained behaviors for somebody he cares about. As it is now, any possible heroics on Vegas' part should fail to assuage Pete, because he still seems to have an abusive mindset. Sooner or later he will find himself in a situation that triggers him and he'll default to lashing out.

Thirdly, during the scene at the bar, Vegas again showed no significant signs of change. He still tried to pressure Pete and was psychologically manipulative. He got physical in away that could have triggered Pete. It was about him and what he needed , not about "just" wanting to see for himself if Pete was alright or thanking him for not spilling or offering something to show he was choosing Pete or putting him first.

We can talk all day about this being a mafia show, but BOC have set a tone where yes, these people are not "good", but at least with those they care about, they try. Toxicity is not romanticized and it has consequences sooner or later. They can give us a VegasPete they explicitly acknowledge as tragic for Pete, or one that is similar to Kinnporsche in that you have two people with baggage but who are trying their best, even if they frequently and spectacularly fail. As of now, I think they lost a huge opportunity to make us believe in that possibility and they are pretty much out of time.

Please, please feel free to talk to me in the comments or add your thoughts, but stay civil of you disagree. I love the show and the characters, I'm just pondering and trying to critically consume my media.

*I have a question for people who are well-versed in this. From what I know, some abuse survivors, when they recognise certain signs, go the way of appeasement to try to contain a blowout. Pete seems to do this on and off depending on where he perceives his relationship with Vegas is. In this case, do you think he pushed Vegas because he miscalculated his response? (it seemed obvious to me that he was in a mood only the gentlest touch could de escalate) Did he see the signs but risk it because he himself was in a fragile state and trying to gauge if he could trust Vegas' change?

[party-in-eldarya]

Still in Genkaku

Where were we? To sum up:

Our team searched for anything new in a building from Earth. They were divided into 3 groups. Koori's mental health deteriorated because of magic stones, she tried to run away from Gardienne and Edgar, luckily, she was found by Lance, Mathieu and Leiftan (who managed to calm her down a bit). Meanwhile, Erika was tempted to use a portal to Earth she has found, but after some thinking decided she is no longer connected to Earth and humans, she feels more at home on Eldarya where she is an important person. Not a joke, these are quotes. She and Nevra examined portal, took some samples, the rest to team arrived. Nevra finally realized that maaaaybe those stones are not working for Koori:

Erika noticed that Mathieu is enthralled by portal, so she decided what's best for him:

Erika has some thoutghs on Mathieu being shaken by the sight of portal:

No, but wasn't she feeling the same? That mundane, simple life on Earth is no longer for her? (personal peeve: I kinda liked we could make Erika oposite of Mathieu. He was all about Eldarya, and we could try to make our MC reluctant, and even nostalgic for her Earth life. It seems that writers decided THIS^ is canon from now).

Anyway, draflayels, blah blah. Too many lines about familiars this season. My maana hurts- but no, I take it back! Actually, this conversation was nice. It is followed up by them talking about Earth. Eldarya, a game where your choices matter:

Since TO I have always picked "I miss home/family/would like to come back options. Good to know it didn't mean a shit. Erika, you stupid, shallow, dumb bedbug:

... and that is why HH keeps secrets from me. That is why my friends gaslight me. Because I am an importan person!

Still, twas nice conversation, probably the best I got with any LI so far. Their moment was cute, and later discussion about their feelings let me understand Mathieu a bit more. Wish I get something with other LIs...

Edgar joins them and confronts in his timid way about Nevra's earlier plans on leaving him (Edgar) in Genkaku. Erika knew but decided not to share is (hoping she would change Nevra's mind), Mathieu is shocked by this idea. I like Mathieu.

Honestly, I am with Erika with this one. There was really no time to share this info with Koori and Mathieu, not with Edgar being around. He was already panicking, it wouldn't work well:

Erika is again thinking about being different from Edgar, and wondering why she takes news about portal being dangerous better than him... Maybe it's because it's so fresh for him? It wasn't a sarcasm, it was a quote. We are talking and talking about same things over and over. Using same wording and arguments.

All three of humans burst in laugh. Honestly, unnecessary scene in my opinion, but hey, 20 maana gone so it worked!

And then kitsunes attacked. And shot arrows from the ground, to the roof of building that has- according to Erika over 90 floors. Was is a bow or a  ballista? And again, we focus on familiar. Look, I love my cats. I forget names of my friends' kids, but never their pets. But this season focus too much on familiars, and honestly, it's not good and these lines could be used on something else. Yada, yada, the lil dragon-pet is hurt, Erika hugs him. Use her powers to make a shield. How those arrows fly so high? Higher than the building, because they have to LAND on a roof. Make it make sense, Beemoov. Do you know how archery works? Are they magical bows?

Also: Gardienne doesn't know how to treat wounds, she thinks that Koori would know what to do. Jokes on me, Beemoov, because my Gardienne is in Absinth. The one guard that is known for taking role of alchemists AND paramedics during missions. You know Beemoov, perhaps you shouldn't give us a choice if you already have an idea which Guard she belongs to? Anyway, Edgar, Mathieu and Gardienne runs from roof while being under fire. They came back to portal- and there is no sign of rest of the team. They panic. BTW, there are 90 floors and those arrows still manage to hurt those on a roof. Uh-hu. Erika is doing some logical salto mortale trying to figure out when the rest is (they all wanted to check on those magical archers and discuss discount on those phenomenal bows), but question: couldn't one of them (Leiftan?) come and gather those on a roof? You know, to avoid splitting up? Edgar thinks same. Edgar is too smart for this scenario:

What? Mathie, seven is not a number if we talk military language. In other words Beemoov, don't drink and write:

Aaand that's all for now, folks. I will leave you with those pearls of military knowledge, masterpiece of strategy. Sun Zi who?

[nathank77]

3/24/24

12:46 a.m

I wrote a list of why I want to lie and why I don't want to lie. It feels like a dilemma.

Who I need to lie to:

1) Primary Care but my insomnia is still the same despite my Graves disease being treated and I'm hypo-Gaves Induced psychosis

2) Endocrinologist bc they are connected through my chart- Graves Induced psychosis

3) Any new psychiatrists potentially assuming primary won't budge

Who can I tell the truth to and not be stigmatized and/or risk it being on mychart:

1) therapists

Why would I want to lie:

1) Hippa protects me

2) I can stop being told Behavioral Health when I ask for sleep meds and it gets treated as a separate medical concern bc that's what it is

3) so I can stop being stigmatized

4) so antipsychotics are a choice, a true choice. Saying the voice came back if I decide to take them won't hurt me and I'll already have the insomnia drug of choice and then I'll be able to start antipsychotics. No medical providers will tell me no. That's why I'm not getting the treatment I deserve. The voice "coming back," isn't abnormal. Most people recover and never hear it again but a lot of people do have reoccurence.

By the time I say antipsychotics are for me, I will have hit the end of my rope. I can chose who I tell. I am already occluding it from my newest records including the hospitalization thanks to hippa... but I got to rehumanize myself to the providers that know.

Why don't I want to lie:

1) maybe there is some provider I am not thinking about that I told about it but if they don't ask, then I don't have to say anything. I won't bring it up it'll update on my chart.

2) I wish that the medical field would look at my issues as separate issues and stop trying to force feed me antipsychotics without the force, just by denying me care...I wish I didn't have to look at it as re-humanizing myself to providers and de-stigmatizing myself to them.

I wish we lived in a world where having psychosis doesn't mean you're, "psychotic." I wish we lived in a world where you could tell the truth and make your own decisions without sacrificing your quality of care.

I wish there was more mental health awareness about people with psychosis who are in remission and have a firm grip on reality. I wish there was awareness about people who suffer with auditory hallucinations but can function as if they don't have them. I wish people understood how damaging antipsychotics are and how much of a personal choice it should be. Unless I'm throwing chairs or streaking or threatening people or not taking care of myself. I should be treated the same as anyone else who has separate medical concerns.

I wish psychosis wasn't this label I have to peel off to be treated as human.

I worry about the review board contacting my doctors and it messing up my case- but I also didn't release information from my primary care provider or Endocrinologist... so they wouldn't be able to contact them under hippa guidelines.....

Once I verify this, I'm going to have to chose to re-humanize myself bc still in 2024, mental illness is not understood. Especially not auditory hallucinations.

[lucadies]

um

A person cannot be forced to give up lungs, liver, kidneys, or any other body part to “save a life”. Not even corpses are treated that way if the person said they don’t want to be an organ donor while they were alive. The idea that half the population deserves less rights than a heap of dead flesh is insane.

And no, it’s still not okay to force someone to give up their bodily autonomy because of pregnancy. For humans especially, pregnancy is a long and difficult process, one that can be dangerous or even life-threatening. Nobody should be forced to go through that if they’re not ready. Period.

the point where fetus is considered to be a human is irrelevant. No one should ever have their body used against their will to “save a life”. Yes that includes the lives of children. What about that do you not understand?

are you required to donate non-essential organs to other people? Like, by law, will you go to jail if you don't sell one of your kidneys and part of your liver?

Wow you really don’t know much about abortion. 90% of the time it’s done before the 13th week, at which point the fetus is the size of a peach. Again, it’s almost always done BEFORE that point. And anyway, the pregnant person could have a million reasons why they don’t want to carry a pregnancy to term. No matter what that reason is, they should be allowed to do with their body what they will. Having children should not be a punishment.

Debating on when life begins is a false talking point. The autonomy of the pregnant person is what is truly being discussed. Its saying *I* decide if I want to get a medical procedure or not (which is what a safe abortion is). Pro-choice doesn't automatically mean you'll always choose to abort or don't want kids. I had a fairly "standard" pregnancy and I STILL wouldn't force that on someone who's unwilling. Its vile to treat us incubators.

individual circumstance doesn't define law. Bodily autonomy must be an absolute right, otherwise the body can be legally violated for any convenience of the powerful. Abortion is a right, bodily autonomy is a right. Neither are a demand, but both must be necessitated by law.

you are being forced to give up your entire body for 9 months to act as life support. Pregnancy is not a punishment for having sex and people should be allowed to have sex without having to bring a child into the world.

Women do not need to sacrifice their literal body for any other human, including a human fetus. Have a day.

You completely missed the point there dude. It's not about the "life" of the organ, it's about saving the life of the person who NEEDS that organ to live. You can't be compelled to save someone else's life at the cost of your bodily autonomy, even if you're the only person within 100 miles who is a compatible donor. So why should pregnant folks have to when you aren't?

And while the doctors are busy consulting the government to make sure they can legally abort an ectopic pregnancy without getting arrested, the pregnant person is dying and bleeding to death. Those "exceptions" also don't take into consideration anything beyond an immediate risk. Even with those exceptions, bans cause unnecessary delays in treatment that KILL women. Is killing women pro-life?

I have a right to remove anything from my body that I don't want there, regardless of whether it's a life or not, or if it was my choice or not. It's a choice between patient and doctor, not patient and random tumblr user. And even if you are the person responsible for damaging another person's organ, you STILL cannot be legally compelled to donate an organ to save their life. So why is bodily autonomy so important in that case, but not for women?

but its relying upon your body for its functioning, you couldnt force me to stay hooked up to someone to keep them alive, even if me disconnecting from them would kill them. whether its a full person or not doesnt matter

it's not "is abortion good or not" it's "should people have a choice of what they do with their bodies!"

not wanting a child is and always will be a valid reason to have an abortion. No woman who decides to have one owes anyone an explanation.

A father’s right to be a father should not supersede the right of a woman to make decisions about her own body, at least not to the extent of codifying it as law

consent to sex is not consent to pregnancy - the father should've have an all grounding say.

"inconvenient" idk i think 9 months of extreme physical strain and risks of severe bleeding, preeclampsia, depression (because sometimes pregnancy just does that to a person, regardless of whether the pregnancy is wanted or not), etc. are kinda more severe than an "inconvenience"

when does "life" begin?

it doesn't matter

but entertain the idea:

at conception (?)

its not a human until it's born and can breathe and sustain itself without the help of the mother's body. so tired of yall being like "the heartbeat @ 6 weeks THO!!!!!" it's not a fucking heartbeat it's a group cells emiting electrical signals that eventually forms into a heart. look it up bro.

Abortion is a medical procedure. Just because its a choice you wouldn't make for your self doesn't mean it's a choice you can make for others!) I swear it's like if some psychotic religious group took over and made blood transfusion illegal. Also y'all do know like it's the placenta that develops first, fetal cells don't develop until like days later on top of that they're is just so much that can go wrong that requires the same procedure to fix.

a fetus doesn't have a fully developed heart, and thus a heartbeat, until 17 to 20 weeks

My favourite part about “life begins at conception” is at conception is still about a week from implantation. And “ohh it is organs” no. It has the beginning of organs. It takes until they’re full term for them all to work. They “have lungs” before 24-26 weeks but they literally cannot breathe because they’re not done developing. So many people have zero idea how a fetus develops

Supporting rape victims and abuse victims means not forcing them to give birth against their will. They already had their bodies used against their will once. You want to do it again. And...you're just wrong there. Embryos don't have rights at conception, they don't get birth certificates at conception, parents don't have to pay child support after conception...that all happens after birth.

other points:

People who are anti-abortion and "pro-life" should be legally required to adopt children from the system. Prove that you are truly pro life and not just "pro making other people make choices according to my own personal moral beliefs".

okay crtl c cntrl v is broken

Banning abortions won't stop abortions. The rich will still get them while the not so rich will find a way. Besides if you don't like abortions don't get one. Duhhhhh. Mind your business. Get a life. Easy peasy

The only reason killing a pregnant woman is double homocide is because the justice system loves any excuse to add charges. In any other legal respect, embryos are not people. You got issued a BIRTH certificate, not a conception certificate. Your parents are obligated to pay child support after birth, not after conception.

the fact that you see pregnancy as a "consequence" of women having unprotected sex shows that you dont actually give a shit about children. only punishing women.

Plenty of people think about the father. The father is considered so much that women are regularly denied a medically necessary hysterectomy because a possible future husband of theirs who they haven't even met yet might want to be a father some day. But ultimately, the father isn't the one who has to sacrifice his health and risk his life to have the child, so he should not get to force someone else to.

if he wants a child, he should find a partner who also wants a child. people with uteruses aren't incubators whose free will is second priority over other people's wants. they aren't obligated to live through an unwanted pregnancy for someone else's benefit.

according to the bible, which you anti-abortion fucks love to use as justification, when it is born and takes its first breath outside the womb.

before it gets to an abotion:

if you want less abortions, you should push for sex ed to teach people how to be safe. if you want less abortions, you should push for better support for poor people and pregnant people. there is no point valid enough to justify taking away someone's bodily autonomy, period.

Childbirth isn't an "inconvenience," it's a major and potentially traumatic experience that nobody should be forced into against their will. An inconvenience is when you spill milk, not when you're raped or forced into a pregnancy by an abuser and then compelled by the government to give birth so the state has more workers. And bro, have you never heard of ectopic pregnancies? Literally just google. Women die in childbirth every day.

after having children:

Instead of fetishising a baby and the life they could have (never mind that this could even more easily than a doctor or scientist be a meth addict that has issues because they were raised poorly by a mother who resents them and a sperm donor who bounced) I'd rather make it so that kids are born to families who want and can take care of them Penalty babies help no one not even the concern trolls looking for a cheap hit of self-righteousness

reminder that having children should never been considered a “consequence” for your actions. that’s a whole human person you are forcing into the world because you feel like someone else deserves to be punished. that is not the basis for healthy parenting. and trust me, kids KNOW when they’re not wanted.

children are not a punishment. they’re human beings, who should be WANTED. forcing people to have a child they don’t want and either keep the child or send them into an overburdened and underfunded foster system is not the fucking answer. that’s how kids get abused. that’s how kids get killed. fucking hell give a fuck about the kids who are HERE not the ones who havent been born.

how do you treat 16,17 year old mums? do you support them or do you scorn them? how can you take away a choice and yet still scrutinise the outcome

crack? points

right to an abortion is about healthcare and medical decision-making capacity for women. Daddy doesn’t get to make decisions about Mommy’s body just because he fucked her.

So a blob of non-sentient cells matters more than the rights of a living, breathing human. Good to know??

I would totally eat your unborn fetus for dinner

Anti abortion?

The pro abortion arguments fail in the light of reason and science. With every attack on true choice clinics, it only becomes more and more apparent that what is being "protected" is a woman's right to be irresponsible, and the abortion industry's right to become filthy rich at women's expense.

No, where considers a baby to be a human life is a very important point because we need to draw the line of whether it’s murder or not. If you kill a pregnant woman it’s a double homicide so how does that law work if we can’t decide where life begins? If the baby has fingers, toes, a separated heartbeat, how is that not a different person? And it’s not just to “save a life”. Most of the time, they participated in the action that created that life, take responsibility