#orb pondering: gone wrong

[b0g-w1z4rd]

[ouppy-bnuuy]

That TikTok trend about loving like a dog has in fact given me so many thoughts

[azulsluver]

I just binge read your bully au for twst and OMG! What if MC ends up cracking, going numb to protect themselves. They still do as told, but they have sky eyes, no emotion. Who would keep pushing to see them fully break, or who would just dump them like trash!?! Hell, who would enjoy them losing the fight in them!

tw: yandere, bully!characters, blood mention, unhealthy relationships/behavior, victim blaming.

Disclaimer, you don’t actually want this n stay safe from people like this!

Continue tormenting for fun:

Leona

Doesn't take you seriously. That's it? You're giving up already, gosh you really can't do anything by yourself...Leona is less than disappointed, in fact he knew good things would come to an end. But you still serve some purpose to him, Leona can't find himself to throw away his favorite toy, some things are just meant worth keeping. Even when broken and used.

Sebek

I don't think he'd catch on very quick, how you follow his instructions yet when the heel of his boot hits your back you make no sound of pain. Sebek should've known humans were too weak to handle his training, being pushed a little really got you that gone? This will only give Sebek the advantage to harm you further, he likes taking his frustration out on you without you screaming.

Lilia

You lasted longer than the others, and he'll applause you for that. Lilia doesn't necessarily hate this new you, embracing it but continues to see just exactly how far you can go. You're only in a shell, and he's not dumb, Lilia will stare longingly into your hollowed orbs, there is still a hint of you. Hiding away from him, Lilia is only fueled to either have you brain dead or back.

Rook

You're absolutely divine, he'll say as he wipes the trickling blood on your lips. You can't fool Rook with those dead-beat eyes, in fact this new look is beautiful. Rook craves for more of this expression you possess, he's seen you smile and cry, he wants to unravel more until you actually break. Rook has done some research on how the human mind can shut down when pushed into pressure, the thought of your alive yet corpse like body not instructing as told, he knows you're still in there.

Jamil

Jamil is conflicted with himself, you're alive but not yourself. A part of him enjoys the fact you won't refuse his affections. But did he really want this? Don't get this the wrong way, Jamil still prefers to beat you into submission, a sick part of him loves you so much yet he can't reciprocate his feelings to you. Understanding that this new you, will help ease his overwhelming emotions, he doesn't need to pretend anymore. Your clouded eyes are what he loves best.

Vil

Recents posts of him explain that Vil absolutely needs you just to take his anger out on. He’s in love with you no doubt, but embarrassment shames him from normally communicating with you. So even if you were emotionless he’d find some use, because he can’t get rid of you no matter how badly beaten your skin is. It’s you, and he’ll have no other person.

Epel

Didn’t know how to react at first. Epel kicks you a couple of times to see how you’d react. I think he because you aren’t responding to any of his criticisms does he ponder. He’s smitten with you, creating a fake narrative on his behavior that what he’s doing is ok, when he’s well aware it isn’t. Keeps you around because your nice to relieve stress from, doesn’t mind if you aren’t screaming and crying.

Toss them away (but he'll start thinking about you then wants you back eventually):

Jade

What a shame...he knew it was a bad idea to share with Floyd. You broke so easily, so fast, just when things were getting good. What good of an experiment if they give the same reaction, you aren't screaming as much as he expected. And the worse part is you listen to exactly what he asks for, there is no hesitation or breaking down to crying, you really are willing to cut off your hand? How boring.

Floyd

Frustrated, acts as if he didn't expected this to happen. Floyd is throwing a huge tantrum once he finds out you don't kick or scream at him. He misses the terror in your eyes when he asks you a question of such, now you're giving him a blank look! Not safe to say, if Azul or Jade wasn't there, you would've been dead for good, Floyd can't handle the fact his shrimpy is lame now. Out of pure anger, he would let his feelings get the best of him.

Kalim

At first he wouldn't notice your change of behavior. But that spark in you is gone now, Kalim doesn't want broken things. You were fun to play with, because he usually got high off the power he held over you, his stress toy won't even give him a proper bark. I mean you do bark, just not with enough enthusiasm. Like a fussing child, Kalim would have you thrown out, until he starts to miss having you beside his feet....

Cater

Makes the saddest noise when he notices how little you react to his touches. Slaps your cheeks a couple of times to make sure. Dramatically mourns over your past self before rudely telling you how you weren’t gonna last long with him either way. It’s been a nice ride with you he says, leaving with a kiss on the forehead. It’s cruel but depressing, because on his end he’s up at night staring at the photos of your more lively self. He misses those terrified eyes..

Enjoys the new MC and somewhat stops:

Riddle

The fire within you finally died, no more to fuel to feed. Just burnt ashes laying pitifully on the floor, grimy and unusual. Riddle is relived, he had proved a point to himself. All of his hard work to make you into the perfect person, docile and understanding. Riddle now has no reason to push you, you're at your fullest degree. You do as told, and no one gets hurt, physically and emotionally. (he's just like his mom frfr)

Ace

At a sense of peace. Once Ace understands that you are no longer you but a fragment he's thrilled. His mean names slowly die down, much more softer and cheesy when talking to you. If you're still there, disgusted or not he'd lay his head on your shoulder and mumble to you how much of a coward he was to confess. But all went well, the paranoia of you rejecting him gone. I mean what else can a lifeless you do?

Deuce

Has no other reason to bully you. You’re doing things just as he wanted and he couldn’t be happier. Like Ace he was paranoid of your rejection. But you don’t stray away from his rough hands massaging your cheek, kisses that bruise your lips. It’s heaven for him, he wouldn’t trade it for anything else.

Malleus

He didn’t think you’d break so fast. Malleus barely lays a hand on you yet his words cut deep. Perhaps you finally learned your place, all that hard work and learning how to court a single-minded human like you payed off. You won’t have to face the wrath of his verbal abuse because he’s nothing but sweet to you. You look lovely no matter how bad it gets.

Ruggie

Ruggie didn’t go extreme measures to hurt you that bad. Maybe he got to you before the others could take advantage of your newfound persona. Like he always do, Ruggie takes care of things. By things he means you. Sure you’re practically not yourself anymore but it’s still you in some shape and form. His words won’t mean nothing to damage you, so now you’ll be taken under his care. Best person to be with in this situation.

Idia

Shitty attitude stopped so quick. Was leaning more to tossing you away but Idia gets attached quickly. He would never admit but you’re his favorite pastime everything, he can’t ditch you. So eventually all of his bullying stop because there is nothing to get a reaction from. Much more calmer and talkative around you. It’s nice knowing you aren’t actively judging him as he talks, no cover ups to be douche.

Jack

Once the numbers of people targeting you goes down does he step in. Jack is worried, genuinely. I think reader being emotionless snaps something inside of him, does he claim to protect you fully and run away from everyone else. His guilt that you turned out this way eats him, but he downs it out by telling himself you brought too much attention now he must clean the mess up.

Silver

There is a good case scenario if Malleus wasn’t so attached to you and Sebek left you alone!! Lilia can see how devastated Silver is once he finds out your condition. You’re almost lifeless, Lilia let’s Silver care for you because he finally found the guts to ask. Silver tends to your needs, all those years of standing from afar and watching you get hurt somewhat paid off. You’re dependent on him and he doesn’t wanna admit how good it feels.

Trey

Settles down like some retired man. He’s happy you found peace and stop causing trouble. You’ll be in his full care now, sure he’ll have his usual sadistic tendencies but it’s much more tame and softer. He doesn’t mind however if you come back to him all bruised and sore, he will feed and clothe you back to health. Over and over again. At least he stops his bullying behavior for a while.

[letters-from-dekarios]

midnight tears

summary: stricken with grief, anxiety, and the shadow of his former, prouder, self, gale takes to seeking comfort in the swift end he dreamt up many moons ago. tav finds him before it’s too late.

or: gale considers exploding and tav stops him

word count: 2.1k

tags: PLEASE READ BEFORE CONTINUING: this story contains themes of self-harm/suicide. it is not my intention to trigger or harm anyone who comes across this story, but, rather, to share a side of a fictional character I’ve taken a liking to. please do NOT read if these themes, discussed in a reasonable concept of detail, could potentially harm your mental state.

other tags include; gn!tav, act 1 storyline, major gale angst, im still a part of the mystra hate club

He had it all planned out. Written down. He had a failsafe in case things went wrong. Timed it down to the letter, against all the knowledge he had on the orb within him. If worse came to worst, Gods he hoped it wouldn’t, he knew precisely how he wanted to go.

When he first gathered the understanding of the Netherese orb within him, its desperate need to consume the Weave, he was confused. Which was a rare occurrence for him. He was always so knowledgeable that confusion rarely ever happened. He’d question things and soon find an answer, but with this.. no, this was different.

In his quest to prove his love, he only proved his egotism. Something he had tried to stay away from and here he was, indulging in it. How proud was he that he could be able to love the Goddess and Mother of all magic and still be unhappy? Still try to attain more power, more love? How dare he, a mortal man, try and capture the Weave for himself?

Was it really out of love, or was the idea of power and the concept of Godhood too tempting to be toyed with? How did he get this far? How did he manage to do it in the first place, if not by his handling of the Weave itself? He had all the power he could hold and still wanted more.

He was the epitome of a power-hungry, egotistical, jackass.

He deserved the consequences he now had to suffer. He could blame no one other than himself for Mystra’s decision to make him live with it. She could have, very well, killed him right there. But she, by her merciful graces (or what the larger part of Gale perceived as merciful), allowed him to live. He would sacrifice himself to right the wrongs he had created.

As he lay in his tent, one uneventful night, staring at the stars, he pondered the plan he had in his back pocket. He had it figured out for years now, so it wasn’t a question, but he questioned the actual statistics of it. He pulled out a little vial from his bag and turned it over in his hands, reading the neat handwriting over and over again. Midnight tears. A poison whose consequences would only take effect at midnight exactly. If he consumed it in the early morning, traveled far into the Underdark and waited, he would avoid injuring any innocents in the process.

It was a desirable end to his misery, he concluded. If he woke before Tav and the rest of the group, he could be gone before they arose. He doubted they would notice he was missing.

He knew Tav had accepted him for his faults, his lies, and everything else with him. They had encouraged him to stay traveling with them, but he didn’t feel as though he deserved to.

He wondered what the poison would feel like, how it would taste. The seller who gave it to him was vague on the details, and Gale didn’t know if he preferred that or the horrid truth of receiving every component.

He set the poison to the side and conjured a dagger in his hands. He twisted it between his palms, considering the other option to poison. It wasn’t the preferred way to go, but it was his failsafe in case the poison went bad. All he had to do was plunge the magic knife into his chest, and off he would go.

It wouldn’t be the prettiest, he knew that, but it would be better than nothing. His blood pooling out onto the ground, pained cries filling the air- he’d apologize again and again to Mystra, his goddess, his first love, telling her how sorry he was for the stupid mistakes he’d made.

His mouth would taste like copper, eventually, and by then he’d begin slipping away. His body would go numb, he figured, and then his hands would drop. He would fall onto his back, staring up into the vast sky of Faerún, before everything disappeared.

He had a letter written already for his soul to pass on to Tav and the others. He’d apologize to them, too, for letting them down. For not becoming the man they hoped and wished he was. For everything. There wasn’t enough time in all the realms where he could be forgiven for his mistakes.

The longer he sat there, with his thoughts, the more he twisted the knife between his hands. The more he sunk into himself, the harder he pushed it in his palms.

He didn’t even realize he was bleeding until he felt his hands become oddly slippery. He sat up and looked down, his eyes going wide as he saw the blood trickling down his fingers. His heart began to race, his chest becoming tight. He couldn’t live with himself if he died now and took out all his companions with him. Though, maybe he was just being dramatic.

The knife in his hands disappeared and he looked clearer at the cuts on his hands, cursing himself under his breath. He grabbed a nearby carafe of water and poured it over his hands, hissing in pain while they stung.

“Goddess forgive me..” he sighed under his breath, looking around for some cloth he could use to cover his wounds. Then, during one of their battles, he could play it off as an injury received. Why did he do this?

Why was he like this?

He could never know the answer to those questions. The questions that pulled at his heart and broke down in his mind- they had no real answers, they never were able to be answered to begin with. In all his years living as some high, extraordinary Chosen of Mystra, he never found the courage to become insightful of himself. He never understood why he was never enough, or why he couldn’t do things right. Why did he feel the need to lie to cover his imperfections? Why was he so scared that if he messed up, he would never be exonerated?

Mystra had planted the seed in his head that he was not worthy of forgiveness, that death would be the only thing to balance his scale. It got to him. Terribly so, Gale began to believe that she was right. After all, how could one commit such a sin against a God and not be considered unworthy of their forgiveness? He had tried to usurp her authority, whether for love or pride, and had to deal with her wrath. She had every right to not pardon him. She had every right to make him feel how he did.

Though he was rather calm in these situations, no matter what was happening around him, right now he was panicking. His breath picked up, his chest rising and falling faster by the second. Why couldn’t he find a damn cloth?

“Gale?” Tav’s sweet voice broke him from his thoughts. Was he crying, too? He couldn’t tell anymore. He was a whole mess and a half.

“Tav-“

“What happened?” The way they spoke, so much concern in their voice, he couldn’t help but be ashamed of what he had become. How could he sit here, hurting, and hurt others around him? The look Tav gave him was enough to break a thousand realms over again, and he felt awful for making them deal with him.

“I- I don’t know…” he replied, the panic in his eyes as evident as ever.

Tav disappeared for a moment but quickly returned with more water and some towels. They sat down beside him, sighing softly as they took his hands in their own.

He winced, pulling back for a moment before Tav eased him, gently cleaning the wounds.

“Gale..” they started again, and he looked away, ignoring the wounds on his hands. Gods, he was so stupid.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened,” he replied, taking a breath as Tav made sure his hands were okay.

“Gale,” they repeated, glancing down suspiciously at the poison beside him.

He looked to his side, sighed, and then opened his mouth to speak. How could he even begin?

“You promised me,” Tav sighed, waving their hands and muttering a small healing spell. Soon enough, the wounds closed, and his hands were clean again.

“I wasn’t going to-“

“Gale-“ they sighed again, running a hand over their face. “Why do you even have it? We discussed this. It won’t come down to that.”

“We don’t know that.”

Tav looked at him with those sad, puppy-dog eyes. Hurt laced their words, how could Gale be so cruel to himself?

“It’s for safety.”

“Safety of who, Gale? What happens if you accidentally drink it instead of a healing potion? What happens if it ends up in your food?” They asked, eyebrows furrowed together.

“I wouldn’t do that-“

“Oh, come on. We’ve all done it. These damn bottles look so alike! I hardly know the difference between a feather fall and an angelic sleep spell, Gale. It could happen to any of us.” Tav replied, their words rather sharp. Gale flinched, looking down at his fully restored hands.

“I cannot live on if I do not have a clear source of escape should things turn the wrong way,” Gale replied, honest-hearted words clashing with the things he was actually thinking. Yes, he felt that way, but did he think that way? Hardly.

Truth be told, Gale was angry with Mystra. At least, a small part of him was. He had done everything to love her, to prove his love, going so far as bestowing this upon himself, and instead of helping, she cast him aside. If she truly loved him as she claimed to, would he even be here? Why had she left him like this- surely death would have been much kinder. This was just plain cruel.

“I don’t want you to think like that, Gale. I want you with me, with our party, for as long as you can be. You’re supposed to stay by our side, not have a plan to leave us,” Tav took his hands in their own again, looking him in the eye. “Please, Gale. I want you to live. I need you to live. Planning your demise does no one any good, especially not yourself.”

“Mystra-“

“Enough about Mystra!” Tav dropped his hands, frustrated now. “We know. I know. Why are you so devoted to her when all she’s done is bring you pain? It makes no sense to me that you would continue to suffer in her name. You need to be free, Gale. Netherese orb or not, and whether you like it or not, you’re in this tadpole journey with us. I don’t give two damns what Mystra thinks or feels. This is about you, not her.”

Those words struck him. Yes, that tiny part of him agreed, Mystra was harsh for leaving him like this. She was rather harsh to toss him aside after doting on him and his abilities for so many years. But the larger part of him outweighed that piece, and he could only help but feel guilty for thinking such things about her.

“But-“

“No buts, Gale. You’re going to stop this stupid ‘I’m going to blow myself up for Mystra’ nonsense. I know it’s a part of who you are, we all have things we have to deal with, but please. For me, for all of us, you can’t go on with this weight on your back.” Tav sighed, taking his face gently in their hands and wiping away his tears.

“I’ll try to do better, I promise,” Gale replied, letting his face rest in their soothing hands. Why did he always hurt those that he loved? He couldn’t answer that. He never could.

“The next time you start contemplating your death, please, Gale, talk to me. Talk to any of us! We all want to be here for you, and I know I would be so incredibly miserable if we lost you,” They looked into his eyes and pulled his head against their own. Their foreheads touched, Gale’s eyes shut, and for a brief moment, he felt at peace. No matter what happened he knew he had friends to rely on. And for that, he was thankful.

Tav made sure he was alright before returning to the campfire to rest. He tucked the poison into the furthest part of his bag, laid himself to rest, and let his mind slip away into the night.

He would keep the poison and the letter handy, just in case, and it would take quite some time for him to be fully able to talk to the others when he was feeling like exploding, but it would happen. Eventually, he would be okay. Eventually, he would find peace.

[honeybeezgobzzzzz]

𓅨 Shifting Wings: Chapter Ten

Shifting Wings: Before the Raven Matthew, there was Jessamy, and Jessamy came with a little sister by the name of Adrienne. Dream adores his two little Ravens, but after over a hundred years of imprisonment and the death of Jessamy, Dream will find that he has not just lost his companion, but his beloved little Raven Adrienne no longer brightens the halls of his Palace. None of his staff wish to speak of where the Raven has gone, but the silent new resident of the palace is cause for question. After all, she was the one who aided in his release. If none of his subjects would help him find Adrienne, perhaps she could lead him to the whereabouts of the missing Raven. If only the woman wasn’t so flighty and hard to track down.

Warnings: Angst, Language.

To Note: Morpheus/Dream x FemaleRaven!Reader, NAMED Reader (I like the name).

Word Count: ~2.3k

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She has not shown herself to you, because she does not wish to.

Lucienne’s words haunted Morpheus in an Endless pain he felt within his being. He had expected you to seek him out the moment he returned as you had always been faithfully by his side. Not to mention he had made a promise to you that he was not able to keep. Surely you were upset by that. No, he had expected everything to be as it was when he had left. He’d been wrong. Lucienne changed. Cain and Abel changed. Fiddler’s Green changed. It was a naive notion to think that you wouldn’t change. Stewing in his morose thoughts, Morpheus decided he had brooded long enough. It was time he tracked you down, for Morpheus needed your comforting presence, even if you held nothing but animosity towards him. Even if all you’d allow was for the Endless to merely gaze upon you, that would be enough.

Rising from his throne, Morpheus stepped down the stairs and strode for the one place that would have the most clues regarding your whereabouts. Your studio. Striding through the palace, Morpheus pondered your absence some more, disturbed by your lack of appearance. Did you not love him as he thought you did? Had he not made his affections clear to you? Jessamy had certainly threatened him plenty over his intentions towards you. 106 years. How much could a person change in that time? Had your love dissipated and resentment taken shelter? Were you angry? Were you unconsolable? Did you want nothing to do with him and the palace after Jessamy’s death? Did you hate him? Perhaps you did if you refused his company.

He reached the door to your studio and paused. He couldn’t feel your presence within, but several light orbs were softly illuminated indicating that you had been within your studio recently. Opening the door, Morpheus stepped into your art studio and ventured forwards. There were paintings and sketches scattered throughout the studio, you were clearly still painting and drawing… but all of your works now held a darker tone. Your artwork reflected a darkened mind crippled by pain, agony.

Walking around your work bench, Morpheus eyed the luxurious bed, expecting to see your nest of pillows, feathers, and down. But all he saw was a neatly made bed, devoid of indication that anyone used it. The studio was used, yes, but clearly you did not use it as you once had. He looked closer at your sketches, many of which were sketches of Jessamy, beautifully sketched and detailed. Your skill had only increased. It only felt like a night ago in which you were just starting to learn how to draw in your new body.

“You look quite concentrated, little one,” Morpheus observed as he sat for you while you struggled to hold a pencil with your foot and draw his likeness. You growled under your breath and spit out a few curses which made Morpheus’s lips twitch. He doubted you noticed, but you truly came alive when you were focused on your art. The melancholy on your face faded and a spark of determination sparkled within the depths of your black eyes.

“That’s because I still sometimes have a hard time grasping this stupid pencil,” You huffed back, gripping  the small instrument in your tiny foot. You hopped several places and flapped your wings. “I can control it pretty well at times but then it get’s away from me and everything starts going awry!”

You let out a caw of frustration and threw the misbehaving pencil across the room. It was much easier to paint, in your opinion, than to draw. You’d taken to the brush much quicker than the pencil, and your frustrations were starting to get the better of you. Morpheus rose from his seat and walked over to where you were standing, trying not to let your frustrations get the better of you.

“Why am I even doing this?” You asked with an exaggerated sigh. Morpheus lifted a finger to your beak and tilted your head up.

“Because you are determined, Adrienne,” He reminded you with a small smile. “And you are not one to give up so easily, your perseverance has brought you this far, has it not?”

You eyed your lord, seeing his provocative eyebrow raise. It ruffled your feathers and you huffed.

“I never said I was gonna give up, I just—I feel like I am not making any progress and it’s been decades.”

“And you have eons more to hone your skill, for I shall always look forward to your creations.” You eyed him carefully. Sometimes you really wished that you had your human body rather than a birds.

Don’t be envious. Don’t be envious. It wasn’t like the dreams and nightmares throughout the realm had the pleasure of painting Morpheus’s portrait with the Endless sitting right in front of them. It wasn’t like the Endless actively sought out their company.

“Fine, fine, sit back down I’m almost done with your general profile.” You ordered, having no issue ordering the Endless around. Morpheus, pleased that you had finally perked up, returned to his seat and watched as you fluttered to where your thrown pencil had ended up. Grasping it in your foot once more, you swooped back up to the easel and focused back on your sketch.

You were not a conventional lover, certainly if your relationship with him had grown more intimate. But at the time your company had been more than enough for him. Now all Morpheus wanted was to hear your comforting voice and see the familiar splash of midnight and pearl. Even if it was only to hear your thoughts of envy and yearning for what you had once had. He also owed you an apology. Not just for the fact that he had broken his promise to return with an hour, but your sister had been killed while in his service. It had been voluntary, but you would still feel betrayed.

Morpheus was about to leave the studio, not having garnered any new information from inspecting your studio, but then caught sight of a brighter light peeking out the trim of the small closet. Curiosity peaked, for why would you have the closet light so bright compared to the rest of your studio? Morpheus drew the slightly cracked door open and found his answer. Compared to the rest of the studio, the closet was far more homely and lived in. Down and feathers littered the floor, and there was a nest tucked in the corner. That was where you slept. But what Morpheus took notice most of all, was the obsessive amount of drawings of Jessamy.

They were everywhere, pinned on the walls, stacked on shelves, stuffed between books on a small bookshelf. He moved over to a stack that sat next to a bowl full of charcoal, clearly being used. On the top of the pile was a sketch of himself with Jessamy, the drawn lines darkened and clear, sharp. His eyes were the only hint of color on the page, an illuminating blue. By far your best work yet, not even Morpheus had seen you draw this beautifully. As Morpheus stared at the sketch, he spotted something at the edge of the page that should not be there. A charcoal fingerprint.

All who knew you, who lived within the palace, knew to never touch your artwork unless permission was given. Who would even think to enter a place so small and intimate, one you took shelter in, and touch your work? Certainly with charcoal on their fingers? Morpheus reached for a journal he had given you, inscribed with your name in gold lettering, and opened it. More pictures of him and Jessamy greeted his gaze. It was just as obsessive, and Morpheus could see your mental breakdown over the years. But even as he witnessed your breakdown through your drawings his eyes kept returning to the fingerprint upon your sketch. So journal and sketch in hand, he strode from your studio and headed for the library, determined to finally get answers.

Lucienne had been speaking with Mervyn about the newly rejuvenated gardens when their lord came striding into the library with a swirl of anger. Her brown eyes saw that he carried a leather-bound journal she often saw you drawing in, and a piece of parchment.

“Sir,” Lucienne greeted, trying to keep herself calm. “Is there something you need?” Morpheus strode up to her and held up a charcoal drawing of him with Jessamy perched on his shoulder. “Ah, I see you have discovered Adrienne’s artwork? She has much improved over the last century.” Lucienne said pleasantly, ignoring the charcoal fingerprint on the edge.

“Tell me, Lucienne, who enters Adrienne’s studio and touches her work when we all know that is an egregious event?” Morpheus asked, his voice poised with a lethal edge of a dagger. Both Mervyn and Lucienne shifted where they stood.

“I— I am not aware that anyone has entered Adrienne’s studio without permission let alone touched her work. We know she does not like it when her work is touched.” Lucienne replied evenly, reverting back to what was well known about you. “Not even to admire…” Morpheus shifted his gaze to Mervyn.

“And have you, Mervyn, witnessed anyone trespassing these halls? Surely you have seen something, as Adrienne does not possess hands.” He was enunciating his words now, his patience dwindling at the lack of information on you. Where were you? Why had you not appeared before him? Did you truly hate him? Did you despise him for Jessamy’s death? Were you in such anger that you would refuse to grace his presence ever again? Mervyn rubbed the back of his head, not knowing what to say. The promise he made to you all those years ago to treat Adrienne as dead was still strong… but lie to his lord? That he could not do.

“Well…” Mervyn sighed dramatically. “No one has gone into her studio who shouldn’t have, I can tell you that. She’d eat ‘em alive if they did… kinda anal about keeping people out actually. She’s gotten mean the past few decades,” He muttered while Lucienne forced herself to not facepalm herself in front of Morpheus. Mean. Adrienne had gotten mean. That was the first piece of true information Morpheus had gotten since coming home. But how could you have turned mean? You didn’t hold one mean bone in your entire body.

“Mervyn,” Your quiet, flat voice shattered the tension between the trio as you came striding into the library. The pumpkin headed janitor looked at you as you came to a stop. Your hair was ruffled and your clothes looked hastily put on. “I retrieved the sprite lantern from the relieving arch.” You announced. “If you want the Hesperides to stop throwing the lantern up there, may I suggest moving it? They despise each other.”

“Move it?” Melvyn repeated, insulted at the idea. “The whole point of having the spite lantern there is because of the water— ah fuck, I’m really gonna have to find a new place for the lantern, ain’t I?”

“Indeed,” You echoed, knowing that the janitor hated when he had to shift the homes of the residents of the palace around. They were quite persnickety about their place of home. You contemplated where the sprite lantern could be moved. “Perhaps the east end garden? I believe Lord Morpheus put in a new pond there.”

“Yeah, yeah, good idea,” Mervyn agreed before glancing at Morpheus. “Speaking of which, you met whitey here?” He asked, jerking his stick thumb at you. “She’s kind of mean and never smiles, not that she can, but is one hell of a worker to have around. She’s kept this place running while you were gone.”

You blinked at Mervyn before looking at Lord Morpheus.

“We have met before, though never the chance to formally speak,” You confirmed, then gave Mervyn an unimpressed look. “And I believe you mistake my frankness for me being mean, because that would imply emotions which you are aware that I do not experience.” As you stared at Mervyn who was scowling at you, you felt Morpheus gaze wearing heavily on your body. “If you will excuse me, retrieving the sprite lantern from the receiving arch is not the only task I have do to this day,” You said before giving your lord a respectful nod. “Lord Morpheus,”

You strode out of the library, heading for your next task. Morpheus stared at your back as you strode away, still feeling like there was something off about you. No, there was. He just couldn’t put his finger on it, and it wasn’t that you lacked empathy. It was something else. Something about you was hauntingly familiar, yet entirely foreign.

“Where did she come from?” He asked, settling his gaze back on Lucienne and Mervyn. They shifted uncomfortably. “She might be a resident of the Dreaming, but I have no memory of her. So tell me, exactly where did she come from? You say she has maintained my palace diligently all these years, yet I do not know her.”

“I just realized that I left the sprinkler on in the desert garden so I’m just gunna…” Mervyn rambled while edging his way out of the library, Morpheus made no comment, his eyes locked with Lucienne’s, who was staring back and trying not to be daunted. A nearly impossible task, even for her.

“Only a creature with wings, is capable of retrieving something from the relieving arch,” Morpheus stated, his eyes now hard. He was done asking questions. Yes, done with asking questions, worrying about where you were, wondering if you hated him, needing you… and would now demand answers. He demanded to know where you were, he demanded your presence. The secrets had gone on long enough. Even if you did in fact hate him, he still demanded your presence. “I expect Adrienne in my throne room tomorrow morning at ten o’clock exactly,” Morpheus decreed, then his eyes glowed silver in warning. “Or I shall summon her directly with my sand regardless of her wishes.” With that he strode away, coat billowing just as much as his anger.

Date Published: 7/5/23

Last Edit: 7/5/23

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[defendglobe]

pondering the orb (GONE WRONG!!!!!!)

[squeiky]

Shadow in Sonic Prime is so funny

First he gets blasted with that weird blue boom and gets a vision of Sonic- a full ass future prophecy thing because he see's sonic in a position that literally HAS NOT HAPPENED YET.

Like- Shadow's just minding his business looking for than damn chaos emerald by smashing rocks and shit- and then gets interrupted by the big boom- has a lucid ass vision of Sonic- immediately goes "he fucked something up, didn't he?"- and fucking caps him.

Then mid-fight he's giving him tips like, "Focus"- which in my own translation basically means "Stop getting distracted with whatever going on over there and focus on fight ME." "KEEP ATTENTION ON MOI." (I find it kind of funny that Shadow isn't even saying much. Sonic's making this entire.. conversation?)

(Man flips back and forth between bordering on giving helpful/common tips to beating up Sonic. I find this humorous. Though at least one person has his priorities aligned. )

I can't even blame him from stalling Sonic? He was going to head up there to where he believed the blast came from anyways.

-------

So basically, while in the shatterspace- Shadow:

Found out what the fuck just happened ("Every thing is all wrong"

Realized it was Sonic's fault

Figured out how communicate with sonic from shatterspace

Made a plan on how to bring Sonic too shatterspace ("Keep going!")

Realized that this is some weird dimension shit ("Home is gone because of you")

Realized he literally can't go home, because it doesn't exist really exist anymore.

Which is pretty damn impressive seeing as he had literally no one to guide him or whatever.

(I like to imagine he was just pondering the orb-err- shards to peak into what was happening. That or he listened in on Nine and Sonic's interactions.)

----

Also, I hope you all understand that Sonic and Shadow are the only two remaining "originals" right? That means they're going to be interacting.. A LOT.

Those two are the last remaining entities that are aware of the past "green hill." They have to count on each other to bring home and their companions back whether they'd like too or not.

So yes, "its complicated" indeed.

I'm curious to see where this resolves. My guess Is that they'll have their big fight but end up having to either parts ways and look for a solution, or be forced to have a temporary truce- if you could call it that.

All I know, is that for once- Shadow's anger towards Sonic is very justifiable. He's got a right to be mad- or angry, and he's actions seem reasonable to his character. (At least that whats I think.)

Apparently Sonic and Shadow have "hallucinated" each other at least once in this season.

[captain-amadeus]

Eustis finding magical artifacts on his outings (I get off topic and talk about the cats for most of this)

It is very inchresting to think about Eustis going on outings to find magical artifacts because he has an interest in that kind of stuff. It wouldn't make sense for him to go out hunting in a full suit of armor since he'd stick out like a sore thumb. He wears that armor and sets out to find [a pondering orb he can't even use himself].

Even with his new lackies, Eustis would probs still search for artifacts himself because he wants to have them first. If they're too dangerous then maybe he'd bring Greylock along since he has a lot of useful knowledge on things. In return, he'd let Greylock study the artifact if they manage to nab it.

That would be funny for them to make this long journey, be gone for 3 weeks, while Ivy and Slickwell are left ruling the kingdom in their absence. They both get a break from Eustis, but only Ivy sort of misses him in a 'prefers husband to be at home instead of collecting enchanted forks that makes user get food poisoning' way. Hates him, but the curse of they can not be far from each other for too long remains. Ivy probably asks questions about Greylock to Slickwell since he knows him and she doesn't see him a lot (ignore the last part if it's going to be a full time thing but Greylock double dealing with kings is what brain defaults to) and Slickwell is like, 'A real stinker, he tried changing my name to Lickswell one time.' and he's not wrong, but that was Greylock's way of flirting :333333

Back to Eustinky, either he's able to do a bit of magic or he just hoards artifacts so that he has all the cool stuff. Maybe he'd find some use to the artifacts because most of them can be used by non-magic users. I can only imagine how complicated it would be to have Greylock on his side, though it'd most likely be from him not wanting to serve King Magnus and/or wanting more liberty on what he does with his magic. Cedric said it well himself when he commented on how Greylock was more of a jester than a sorcerer. And although he's always been a silly lalala, I think there's a side of him that wants to be silly on his own accord instead of on the whim of a king. Well this time he HAS to make the king laugh or else he'll become the joke wink wink nudge nudge insert Greylock when Eustis gif

Still like the idea of Greylock coming and going as he pleases. It is very Greylock of him to dangle a shiny object in front of Eustis and put it on a high shelf then leave. Doesn't try to be all smart about it though he's just being goofy (Eustis isn't though he has to get it off the shelf). He's also not a slickrider like Lickswell so Eustis even considering hiring him as a royal sorcerer feels out of place. Greylock will not compliment him as much as Slicky does, will lack loyalty towards him, he is the :333333 of sorcerers. (Maybe Greylock has his own Jester's Privilege; being able to be brutally honest, except the sword is always 5 feet away from his neck at times)

Maybe he works full/part time because Slickwell is there as well. His test dummy. The pin was fun to watch and now they'll get to test more items, what fun. Oh and they can kiss but Greylock shocks Slickwell at least once mid kiss.

Extra note: Ivy jewelry I hope that the jewelry holds value like being family heirlooms and/or magical artifacts or they are just normal jewelry that she wears. Black pearls are definitely a symbol of wealth though. Stylish too she's so cool I love Ivy sm /p /g

[myriamas]

who: @casimirtully / the first time the river king and the dornish regent speak following the breakdown of relations between dorne and the riverlands. when and where: the run up to jaehaerys targaryen's coronation in kings landing. this is in the aftermath of casimir's letter directly to myriam, delivered by benadict and qorban. myriam's response consisted of assuring they would have a conversation in person.

his point, was entirely there; as it had been in the letter that had accompanied two envoys of the riverlands, returning to dorne sooner than either of them had ever truly expected to do so. there was no denying the importance of having an ally within the continent, something that myriam allyrion herself pondered much on, the sound of anklets jingling consistently as she walked. unable to simply sit and think, she were always needing to release some form of movement in some way or another; more common or not, it came in the form of the bouncing of her ankle.

there was a strange sense of silence that remained upon the shoulders of the princess regent, listening closely to the flame haired king across the table from her. "and is the might of the reach still not enough to aid you?" myriam asked, the sound of jewellery moving as her bangles clinked, a hand moving to rest atop the other. the pair had been engaged in a conversation over a bland dinner, which she had barely touched. "or, have you realised it is dorne you need to help you with the lyseni?"

this had not been the first time she had seen casimir tully; no, the last time they had seen one another was in brief passing at state occasions celebrating a betrothal which ended all too quickly. she believed it had been a snub, not only on loreza who had been readying herself and learning about the land of rivers for which she would become queen, but on dorne itself. and yet still, myriam allyrion would have been willing to put aside previous feelings of scorn and anger for the sake of attempting to make peace. there would continue to be issues on the border, considering there was no way the valyrians would admit they were attempting to take more land that was not their own. to have peace with the riverlands would prove fruitful, would it not?

now the riverlands would need to deal with lys without dornish help, or intervention. thus, losing them the surprise element, the ability to politically pull the rug from under the foot of the magisters across the narrow sea. myriam allyrion would have accepted the deal, and saw great benefit to it. only, she was no longer myriam allyrion; she were the princess regent, with a council she depended greatly upon. their resolution had been a clear, unanimous no - instead insisting on maintaining the alliance with lys. and so, the matter in the eyes of the dornish had been settled.

"we shall not turn on an ally that has demonstrated loyalty and cooperation with dorne. our lands. regardless of who, or what, they set aflame within your lands." her final words were harsh, though not angry. wrapped in a deep dornish accent, a usual fiery bluntness. she tried to ignore the sounds of the whispering lyseni wives, in a language she did not understand. a translation mistake. gone so entirely wrong. the deaths of two young girls in a guilty summer that had made the side of her waist sting with the amount of laughter that slipped from her. the sun came not from the sky those days, but from wherever they had been.

but dorne…dorne, was the priority. they were allies of lys. meaning, should there be another attack on the riverlands, dorne would be expected to provide help and aid if needed. "dorne will not support any action which results in the death of innocents." she paused, taking a sip of her drink. her dark kohl lined orbs settled upon his striking blue ones. he would be able to handle the lyseni - it was a matter of when, rather than if. he would not be able to handle the dornish. "your representatives did all they could, and deserve great amounts of respect for their efforts. lord mooton is a grieving man, yet still willing to serve his realm as assigned by your gracious majesty. was there any reason you picked him?" she asked, her question blunt. bold. almost as though she had prodded him.

did he think qorban mooton would be able to fuck a yes out of her?

[diademreigned]

"sleep fixes a lot of stuff. it's like emptying garbage cans in your brain." (kijin & alisaie naptime? 👀)

meme

Exhausted. That's an understatement really. The two of them hadn't been seen in hours. It wasn't so much that Alisaie was unable to do reconnaissance solo, she just simply desired a buddy.

Maybe it was a fool's errand that she'd only had found one person available at the current moment, and even remotely interested in skulking the towns on a day off without nothing to do, but X'kijin, who had been rotating an alchemical bottle and then shoving it to the side when the annoyance hadn't gone unnoticed.

Ears flicking this way and that, irritation sparking on his face, maybe some mumbles here and there. Alisaie almost felt sorry when she leaned up against the table and asked for his company. Not that it took any amount of convincing on his part, he seemed more than willing.

No weapons involved, no on-edge behavior, and most definitely no looking over the shoulder. Alisaie was keenly aware that the Miqo'te wasn't above a simple jerk of the head to make sure nobody had been tracking him.

"It won't be for long. I don't need you to watch my back, but I'm tired of seeing you look relatively annoyed when you get something wrong. Who is watching you? Let's go.

That was five hours ago.

They had since returned, and the Miqo'te had now been seen milling toward the couch at the opening section of the Rising Stones. His entire body crashing against the cushions, an arm looping over his head and against the arm of the chair.

"What in gods' name type of comparison is that?" Alisaie pondered, when X'kijin mentioned that, since others had still not made their presence known, it would surely be a pleasant time to pass it in the midst of sleep. A nap, even. Alisaie's hands had pushed to her hips this time, thinking it was such an obnoxious choice of words, and yet; her smile had betrayed her.

A nap then?

When was the last time she partook in the sort? The smaller elezen stepped forward until her head peered down at X'kijin's, meeting emerald orbs with her own, an ear twitching once the eyes that were once closed had been opened.

"Fine then, are you going to shift so I can be there too?" Oh and the look he exposed to her. "What? You honestly didn't think I'd let you take the whole of the favorite couch did you? It pulls out does it not? Move over."

With the quickened yank, the couch had jutted outwards, allowing them both ample room to get comfortable on said furniture together. Alisaie tore free her Red Mage weapons, splaying them down on the table, and relinquished her boots to the floor until she herself fell back against the cushions.

"Right then. . ." She turned her head to address the Miqo'te about three feet from her, a smile on her face. "Maybe this is needed. Do I still say goodnight to you like I have all those times before, or will I see you actually up at the time I am?" Her hands rested against her stomach, head leaning back, a sigh expelling passed her lips. "Sleep well X'kijin - try not to sleep through the impending calamity, okay?"

Six hours later, this is where they were. Alisaie had since rotated, her body coiled against the corner of the couch, arms under her neck, soft breathing through her lips. X'kijin, however, legs propped up, an arm resting over the back of the couch, the other dangling straight down. Mouth agape, silence.

Sleep fixes a lot of stuff.

[junnieismylove]

MIRRORED

Pairing- Olivia (y/n) x Daniel (Yj)

Genre- fluff, angst

✨✨

The fresh morning breeze went up her nostrils, as she closed her eyes taking in the scent, smiling widely. The gust of wind swept her long brown hair as she slid her slender fingers across her face to remove them and tucked her hair strands behind her ear. Sitting on a bench in the field covered with dandelions that swayed where the wind blew, Olivia would often come here to draw, spilling her troubles and sorrows, worries and tensions on the piece of paper which brought her immense joy. 

She wore a pastel pink floral skirt which stays till her upper thighs and white plain half sleeves crop top. Her eyes surfed through the mesmerizing meadow searching for the perfect scenery that could touch her heart. While  browsing her eyes landed on a particular person. Olivia couldn’t believe herself, she never in her life saw such beauty. She was in complete awe of the said boy who was sitting on the other bench, with his headphones on, his head bobbing with his eyes closed, too deep into the rhythm of the music. For Olivia he was the most handsome and pretty man she has ever seen. 

A lean figure, his plush pink lips, high bridged nose, a jawline so sharp that could make you bleed. Without her knowing her hands worked on their own on her sketchbook capturing his feature, Olivia captured his beauty with her eyes. Her heart skipped a beat when he opened those orbs. She wanted to get lost in those iridescent eyes. Her pencil worked on the details of the boy, but her eyes were fixated on him. The moment froze when their eyes met, sending in a rush of electricity spiraling their senses. Her heart accelerated when she felt the warmth of his smile, it's like a wave of comfort and a feeling of being safe just crashed through her. 

She quickly darted her eyes, breaking the connection that they both just shared, her cheeks flushed with a tint of crimson red. She sheepishly smiled, gathering up all her courage to take one last look. Glancing back hoping to see him again grooving to his music, but to her avail, he is no more there. Olivia frowned in confusion, pondering that just now he was sitting there and the next second he was gone, she found it a little bit weird…

“Maybe he has something important to do”

Shrugging her thoughts off she looks down hoping to see an empty page but gasps in absolute shock seeing the portrait of the boy that was made alluringly perfect  . Questioning if this was her sketch, she giggles not accepting the fact that she can create something so ravishing.

“Guess his charm worked on me” 

Olivia was very altruistic and considerate but she wasn’t easy, she could sense a red flag from a mile ago. She was known to be fearless with an extreme skill set. But behind that mask of toughness, she hid her tears, her heart as fragile as glass that even a slight pinch of needle  could shatter her into million pieces. She wasn’t the one to  cry in front of anyone but the walls of her room resonated with every little sound of her wails while her pillow captured all of  her precious scintillated tears. 

“YO!!!” Olivia jerked from the sudden greeting, putting her hand on his chest breathing heavily. “What the hell is wrong with you Kai!! You startled me”. Kai wheezed “ Man!it’s so easy to scare you!” he says while laughing hysterically. Olivia rolled her eyes slamming  her locker door, surprising the over too joyed boy. Kai's expressions changed completely, he looked at Olivia in horror, noticing her creepy smile that she puts on when she is angry. Mumbling a sorry, Kai free himself from her wrath, getting pretty best friend privilege.   

“Did you make your art for the competition?” Kai asks excitedly, making Olivia nod. “Oh!! What did you make?” His eyes which are filled with curiosity shift towards Olivia. She moves her head side to side signaling him no before saying “it’s a secret!! I'll show you on the big day?” Kai whines, throwing his head back “why???” She smirks as she turns around, now facing Kai  moving backward to the cafeteria teasingly moving her finger side to side gesturing a no.

The chattering of the students could be heard as Kai and Olivia went to sit in the far back of the cafeteria. “So what do you want?” Kai says, grumbling voices coming from his stomach indicating that he was hungry. Olivia sighs, laying her head down on the table, one thought or someone clouding her mind. 

The boy from the dandelions park

Kai frowns as he calls her name many times but she won’t listen, so he shakes her intensely making her come out of her trance. “What was on your mind that you can’t even hear anyone?” ” he asked, puzzled by her shy grin. This is the first time he has seen her smile like that, so he was pretty shocked. “Do you have a CRUSH?” he yells the word “crush” making Olivia widen her eyes, trying to get him to shut his mouth.

“What are you doing? Shh!! Keep it down!! I don’t have any crush or anything!! You know I don't do those kinds of things!!” She was clearly embarrassed when everyone looked at them weirdly. She bows her head apologetically to everyone and shoots a glare at Kai, making her melt in his seat.   

“I am not in a mood to eat right now! You can go take anything!" she retrieves back to laying her head on the table. Kai shrugs his shoulders getting up to get food. Getting comfortable she was about to close her eyes when someone caught her attention. Her eyes looked like it was gonna pop out any second and her jaw was literally on the floor, she pinched herself thinking that it may be some dream or else, but it wasn’t. She was wide awake and the person she had been daydreaming about was right in front of her. 

She was contemplating whether to go say hi or not, cuz her heart couldn’t stop pounding as if wanting to get out of her chest. She gulped coming to a final decision of at least knowing his name. She stands up from her seat, adjusting her clothes, even though she was just wearing a plain black hoodie and a black jeans. Patting her face and tucking her hair back, she started to make her way towards him. 

In between the walk she thought to herself, how much she has changed, she would have never done these things for a boy but something about him just makes her wanna put on some nice clothes and make up  when she knows she won’t do that at any cost. 

Her heart still thumping as she gets closer, her footsteps start becoming heavy, wanting to turn around but there is no going back. She sits on the opposite side of her, he didn’t seem to notice her as he was so engaged with his phone. Olivia inhales a good amount of air and chooses to speak.

“Hi!!” her voice came out ever so sweet that she gagged secretly. The boy looks up at her with the most innocent and pure eyes one can ever have. She swears her expressions that were tense just min ago soften just seeing his face. “Hi!!” He smiles , waving  his hand like a child. She almost died from the cuteness this boy held. His voice was the perfect blend of honey and solace. 

A comfortable science spread in the atmosphere as no one dared to speak, their eyes were looking everywhere but at each other. Before it gets awkwards olivia starts a new conversation. “What is your name?” the said boy looks at her “Daniel!! What's yours?”  she grins “olivia!! Nice to meet you!!” Daniel bows “ nice to meet you too!!” 

“I have never seen you here before!! Are you new?” she bit her lip, showing interest “ yeah!! I shifted a week ago!! And i also remember you from the park” she inaudible gasps, trying to swallow his words but is not able to. “Oh my god!! You do!! Wow mee too!!” They both laughed as their conversation was going pretty well.

Kai gets back with a food tray in his hand ready to share with his bestie but she is nowhere to be seen. He looks around trying to find her and then sees she is on the other table talking with somebody. Kai was lowkey happy and he also felt odd like who is this person that is making her days so much brighter now. But whoever it is, Kai is grateful because it's been long since he had seen her all contended and cheerful. With this thought he goes back to eating his lunch.

Olivia threw herself on her bed, feeling on cloud 9. After so long she has felt like this. Daniel makes her feel so many things, in just one day he gave her so many butterflies, made her feel so special, they talked like they have been talking for ages. It didn’t feel like Olivia was speaking to him for the first time. 

“Is this what falling in love feels like?” 

She questioned herself, going deep into her thoughts. Her eyes get droopy, as they start to close, making her fall into a deep slumber. Days went by as Olivia and Daniel got closer and closer. Her crush gradually became her first love. She always gets this euphoric feeling whenever she is with him. Olivia spends most of her time with daniel. They talk, they go out on multiple dates, they devote their whole time at Olivia's house since she lives alone. It’s like she has gotten attached to Daniel, she can never let him go.

She is in love with him.

Canceling her plans or rejecting anything Kai wants to do with her made him very upset and angry with the person that got her tied with him. Kai was now desperate to know that person and have a word with them. 

Laying on the dandelion field where their eyes collided for the first time, they looked at the bright sky with the sun shining its ray on both of them in a complete stillness. Only  the cloud’s slow movement could be seen and the pleasant wind blowing could be heard. Olivia’s head lays on Daniel's chest with his finger entangled with her hair caressing them tenderly.

She lifts her head to look at the boy who is smiling like an idiot. “You are too unreal” she grins as he chuckles “what? Why do you think that?” she takes in a good amount of breath before speaking “ i mean, you are so perfect, how can a human be so perfect!!” he giggles “maybe i am not one!!” Olivia rolls her eyes playfully. “Yeah right!! But on a serious note you legit made me feel things no one ever has!! And I was dying to feel this way, wanting to be loved and to love, I wanted someone to spoil with my love but I guess here it's the other way around, you spoiled me with yours!!” She giggles like a little girl, but he just stays silent looking at her with all the adoration he has for her.

Olivia gathers up the courage to finally say what is in her heart. She sits, her expressions all serious making Daniel worry. She holds his soft hands into her as she looks deep into a bottomless pit in his eyes. “I want to tell you something” he nods his head signaling her to continue. She closes her eyes, swallowing the lump in her throat..

“I love you!!!”

Daniel’s eyes held the world for her but his lips held a pained smile, knowing the reality of life. He wants to reciprocate her feelings but the circumstances were not in his favor. Olivia opens one of her eyes to see his reaction, he was oddly silent making her anxious. Slowly opening her second eye, she starts shaking a little bit, since she has always been afraid to confess to anyone. Rejection might be something she won’t be able to handle.

" I love you too!!” He spoke suddenly but Olivia didn’t hear it, because she was busy overthinking unnecessary scenarios. “I am sorry!! If you don’t like me it's tot- wait what? What did you just say?” She was too stunned to speak, she thought her ears were ringing but they weren’t, she heard all too correctly, he loved her back, she was in denial still she wanted to jump, dance and sing on top of her lungs, but restricted herself. Tears welled up in her eyes, as Daniel's concerned face was visible. 

“Why are you crying?” he asks, his voice softens, she sniffles, quickly hugging him, her hands wrapped around his shoulders, while his hands quickly wrap around her waist. “Thank you for always being there for me!!! For loving me, for never leaving my side”.

‘For never leaving my side’ this line got stuck deep into his heart….

He bit his lips, resisting  himself from crying, as they both sat there relishing each other’s embrace. Daniel breaks the hug, saying the thing that is impossible for him to conquer: “I will always stay with you no matter what!!” sliding his thumb over her cheeks to clean her tears, he leans in to give a sweet little kiss on her lips. They want to say so many things to each other, but some words are meant to be left unsaid. She keeps her head on his shoulder as they peacefully weave their future together which ceases to exist.

" promise me forever?" She took out her pinky finger, giving him puppy eyes. Daniel gulped and felt a sting in his heart, with hesitation he took out his pinky finger and linked it with hers. "I promise you-"

Forever… always remember even if I am not here I will be with you in  HERE always!!!” 

Taking his index finger and motioning it to her heart….

Olivia’s happiness was on top of the world without knowing that her world was about to crumble down..

Happily skipping the hallway, she makes her way to the cafeteria only to be stopped by her best friend that she has been ignoring. “You look happy!!” he says standing on the cafeteria entry point with his hands crossed keeping his poker face. She smiles “yes i do!!” he nods “care to explain why?”. Olivia remembers that she forgot to tell her best friend about her boyfriend, she was so engrossed in Daniel that she did not realize that she had been ignoring her own childhood best friend.

“I am so sorry!! I forgot to tell you!! I have a boyfriend!!” Kai's eyes widened, all of his anger turned into contentment as he used to think that she doesn’t have the ability to make boyfriends. “REALLY!! WHO?” he again yelled making her embarrassed but this time she was not mad “ssh!! I'll tell you everything!! Lower your volume down!! Geez!!!”. Kai excitedly nods his head as they go to the far back table to sit.

“So his name is daniel!!and-”she told him everything from when they met to her confession. Some words that she said felt weird to kai, like how she just told him that she used to sit with him in the cafeteria all the time but he never saw anybody with her, not at school at least.  “Where do you guys sit?” he asked “over there! He might be sitting-” she looks over to the empty table that is lying on the other end of the cafeteria, Olivia's smile drops and she suddenly gets an uncomfortable vibe, her intuition telling her something word is coming “Maybe he didn’t come today!!” she assured herself but on the other hand Kai knew something was up with her because whenever she sits there, 

She always sits alone…

He never paid attention to her, always thinking that she might be on the phone with someone. But now that he thinks about it, isn’t it weird to always be in the same place and in the same location. “Well i wanna see how handsome this man is” she smiles widely ready to take out her phone but stops midway. “Oh yeah!! He doesn’t like taking pictures!! So we don’t have any!! But he is absolutely ethereal. ``Kai furrowed his eyebrows together, finding it extremely weird, ‘there is not even a one pic of them together, that's impossible’ . His mind was foggy with just confusion. “Well do you have anything that can give me an idea how he looks!!” she ruminates for a  minute “yess!! I have his sketch I made the first day I saw him!! It’s actually an art competition too!!” she says elevated. “Ok, show me that!!” “sure”

They both enter Olivia's room as she looks for her sketchbook, finally finding it she turns the page till she comes across his sketch. She hands it over to Kai, who’s full concentration is on the sketch. “He is very handsome!! It's weird how he doesn’t want his pictures to be clicked” he says clearly puzzled “i know right!!`` Olivia stood there grinning crazily, completely oblivious to reality.

Suddenly something strikes Kai, the sketch is strangely familiar to him, it's like he has seen this boy before but where?. “He seems familiar tho” olivia frowns in confusion “where did you see him”.

“I don’t quite remember but I surely did, '' he says, still thinking as to where he could have seen him. Olivia shrugs her shoulder “well maybe you saw someone who looks similar to him” he sighs, his memory working clearly, the deeper he thinks the more it clears out but heis not sure if what he is thinking is correct  or not. 

“Maybe”

Next day Kai runs to Olivia who is sitting there saddened, because it's been 3 days since she didn’t see or hear anything from Daniel, from the day she confessed he seems to be missing. These were restless and sleepless nights for her as she cried for him. But didn’t let anyone even know what she is going through. She looks towards her right to see Kai running towards her coming to a halt, keeping his hands to her knees breathing heavily.

“I need to tell you something important!!” She didn’t say anything and nodded. “So the picture you showed me, I remember where it’s from and why it felt so familiar!! Remember we went to an art museum 3 years ago?” she nods still connecting the dots. “There is an exact artwork of the boy you made!! And if you want proof I can take you to that museum” still not knowing what he is trying to say “what are you trying to say?” he sits on the bench holding her hand “what i'll say next!! I don’t know if it's true or not and by any means I am not trying to hurt but telling you the reality and I am sorry for that  but I think you may be hallucinating him!” she quickly retreats  her hand away from him, looking extremely angry. 

“What rubbish ? Why would I hallucinate someone?” she jerks her hands away from kai. She is now totally paranoid. “Look you are getting it, you told me that you used to sit with him in the cafeteria, but trust me you always used to sit alone, how such a handsome boy wouldn’t want his pictures to be taken, how in the world you don’t have his phone number, Why doesn’t he talk to anyone at school? All these things are weird aren't they?” Olivia was now beyond scared because whatever he said was true except for the cafeteria one.

Not wanting to believe all of this, she stands up ready to leave but kai holds her wrist. “Let go of me,” she says, blinking her tears away. Kai’s face softens “please listen to me and do the things i say and if i am proven wrong, you have all the right to stop talking to me” she turns her body towards him looking him in his eye.

“Only one chance” 

He nods.

Her footsteps feel heavy as she drags them alongside kai. Making their way to the said painting. She bit her lips feeling extremely anxious as they got closer and closer. “Look” she closes her eyes not wanting to look but has no choice, she slowly lifts up her head to see the painting, she is frozen on the spot, not able to move or speak or show emotions, she becomes pale as if she saw a ghost. The man in the painting looks exactly like daniel. Those lips, nose and those pearly chocolate brown eyes, everything is the same.

She shakes her head as no, her steps one by one taking a step backward. “This must be a coincidence!” She speaks under her breath, but Kai hears it. “You still don't believe it!!” He was now extremely worried about her mental health. Olivia was already going through depression of losing her family to a fatal car accident, then her aunt took her in her custody but she would treat her like an outcast, and in school too, she keeps a low profile just because of how she is scared to get emotionally attached to someone, thinking they will too leave her. 

Kai is the only one she’s close to because they are friends even before her parent’s death. He was there with her when her parents died. Kai never wanted to see her cry, so he made it his mission to never bring tears to her eyes. Her condition day by day got worse as her aunt would treat her really badly, so decided to move out. She was deprived of love. She wanted someone with whom she could share the mildest things,  who can make her laugh and make her feel special. Kai can’t do that because she thinks  one day he will also leave her. 

She runs out of the museum, not being able to take in everything, her head hurts, she doesn’t understand anything. She wants more proof. This can just be coincidence, her mind stopped working, all that could be heard was her heart beating rapidly. Kai reaches out for her but she jerks his hand away.

“DON’T TOUCH ME!! YOU ARE JEALOUS OF ME AND DANIEL!! THAT’S WHY YOU ARE DOING THIS RIGHT?” Kai had enough, his blood was boiling, he couldn't keep his best friend in the dark, he calmed himself, not wanting to make the situation worse by yelling at her. “Do you really think I am jealous?” she looks towards him, seeing her bloodshot eyes, kai couldn't help himself, letting his tears slide down his cheeks.

“Livie!! Understand what I am trying to say!!! I am not saying that he is not real, he will always be with you just not physically!! You want more proof right? ok!! What is the last place you guys went!!” She knit her eyebrows together trying to see to what extent his lies can go. He gestures to her to speak up.

“The new cafe that has recently been opened”

Upon reaching the cafe, the pace of her steps gradually slows down,  her head starts feeling dizzy, she doesn’t feel like going inside but Kai insists her, knowing that what he is doing is going to hurt way more than anything else. Her eyes were swollen telling exactly that she had been up all night crying, his words overwhelmed her too much.

The wind chime of the cafe clanged as they opened the door, stepping inside. Mustering up all her courage, she goes to the counter. She heaves a sigh of relief, seeing the women who were here to take their order.

“Hi!!” she sheepishly smiles. “Oh hi!! What can I get for you!!” the lady grains ready to take her order. “Oh I am not here to order something, I just wanna ask if you remember me from the day before yesterday!” the cafe lady thinks for a minute puckering her lips, her expression saying that she is trying to remember something. “Oh yeah!! Well I usually don’t remember people but today is your lucky day! Is there something I can help you with?”. Olivia inhales and exhales as she nods preparing herself for what’s about to come next.

“So, I came here with a friend too. Do you remember him?” Olivia was hoping to get a yes but “I know I don't remember things but I certainly remember there was no one with you that day.” She froze, everything in her stopped, she couldn’t comprehend what she heard. She felt numb, her body completely stiff.  After a few seconds, she released a prolonged breath which she didn’t even know she held. When the realization hit, it hit HARD. Her lips start quivering, tears start sliding down her cheeks, as her breathing becomes ragged. “You are lying!! YOU ARE LYING!!! This can’t be!!” With that being said she sprints out of the cafe leaving the women petrified.

Apologetically bowing to the lady he goes out of the shops only to find that Olivia was gone. She brushes his hair back with his hand getting tense. He searches the whole area but she is nowhere to be seen. Then it hits him..

The field of dandelions..

Olivia was sitting on the bench where she saw daniel. All of her vivid memories of Daniel come flashing in front of her eyes. The way he smiled so warmly at her the first time, that melted her heart right away. And then accidently meeting him in the school, their first date and so much more that she could never forget.She caresses the bench, her tears uncontrollably falling on it, her cheeks stained , her eyes going numb. But no emotion could be seen on her face. She was angry and upset. Her heart was completely  crushed into pieces that will take infinite time to collect and piece together. 

He left me… HE FUCKING LEFT ME..

It took years for her to build her own wall and let someone step in it but it took a second for it to come crashing down. She feels his presence, that he is somewhere near but he is not, it's in her head. She stands on the place where she made her first confession to the love of her life. She tries to keep her calm but the minute she reaches it. all of the reminiscences starts clouding her thought breaking her down, she falls onto her knees, her tears uncontrollably falling. 

He is not there to catch them…

She felt splinters stab in her heart brutally slow multiple times. Her nose was running and face became totally red from crying. She holds some of the dandelions in her hand, crushing them right away. She screamed on top of her lungs..

“WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME!! I THOUGHT YOU PROMISED FOREVER!! WHO IS GONNA CARRY ON THAT PROMISE, YOU REALLY TURNED THE PROMISE OF FOREVER INTO NEVER!! WHY MAKE PROMISES WHEN YOU CAN’T FULFILL THEM!! DON’T DO THIS TO ME, YOU LITERALLY BECAME THE SOURCE OF MY LIFE….THAT’S WHY I WAS AFRAID TO GET CLOSE TO ANYONE, EVERYBODY LEGIT EVERYBODY LEAVES ME, NOBODY STAYS!!!”

Nobody…

“Why god why me?? What have I done to you? I didn’t know my fate was so fucked up, the only boy I ever loved turned out to be just a character of my mind” Olivia started laughing maniacally, but then her laughs turned into her wails as she couldn’t stop bawling her eyes out!!  She was feeling completely empty, her eyes were feeling heavy, she was struggling to keep it open, they were blurred by the amount of tears she had. Suddenly, his words hit her…

“Remember even if I am not here!!! I will always be with you in your heart!”

She screamed and cried into the abyss, they echoed but no one was there to hear her. Even though the sun was shining,she could feel the darkness engulfing her. She lifted up her hand and put it on her heart, Closing her eyes, trying to feel his warmth again…but she couldn’t all she could sense or feel there was a..

A meaningless void..

She lays in the field covered with dandelions for a few minutes, her tears falling onto her side. Smiling, she could see the visions of both of them having fun at the cafe, in Olivia's home and in this very park, his laughs, his voice, everything. Her eyelids heavy with all the haziness from crying

“If this seems to be the reality i don’t never wanna open my eyes, death is far better than to live in a world with no one to hold on, nobody to walk with, no shoulder to cry on, no jokes to laugh with, no person to care for and no one to love me!!”

The wind swiftly blows her hair, ready to give up on her when she hears a voice. She opens her eyes, looking around for the source of the sound but nothing. She goes back to her previous position, when she again hears the voice but this time she lets the voice envelop her..

“Baby!! I am so sorry!!! I know i promised you that i'll always be yours till the end of time and trust me i will be, it's just not physically, whenever you want to think about me or hear my voice just put your hand on your heart and close your eyes feeling my presence,i'll be there  i promise this!! I have and will always love you no matter what?” 

Her lips shivered as she clutched her hand into her chest, shedding tears and sobbing loudly. She felt immense pain with each and every word that he spoke. She laid there numb, Wanting to feel his touch, hugs and kisses but couldn't. Olivia was scared how she was gonna survive without Daniel but she somehow had to!! 

“Even if you are not here!! I'll always love you too daniel!!”

What she didn’t know was that someone was watching her go through all of this. Kai stood there seeing her breaking right in front of him, shattering his heart, he was blaming himself that he was not able to do anything. sniffling, his tears slid down his cheeks, he turned around not bearing to see his best friend in this condition. “ I am sorry I am not there to console you but I promise that from now I will never let anything harm or hurt you. EVER”

After a few days, Kai took her to a therapist, he told them that because of her traumatic event and the abuse she had to go through, with her already diagnosed depression, and her want for love, led her to her hallucination. He diagnosed her with schizophrenia. That painting they both saw, stayed in her unconscious mind, and when her condition only got worse. Her unconscious mind gave life to the picture that stayed with her till now.

Olivia was given medication, whenever she wanted to hear his voice and feel his presence, she would always keep her hand on her heart and close her eyes, she didn’t want to heal, cuz that means he would fade away too. But as the medication started working, his voice turned into mumbles to barely any sounds and then at the end it stopped, Olivia had to  accept the fact that one day she had to give up on him.

And eventually she did..

In her art competition, Olivia displayed  the sketch  of Daniel that she made when for the first time her eyes locked with his. She smiles at her artwork that was beautifully put up in the exhibition. It was a masterpiece indeed, and for that Olivia won the competition. 

“So would you like to talk about your art!!! It’s magnificent, this boy seems close to your heart!!” the host of the show said, making oliva’s face twinkle. She came on the stage, with letting out a heave of sigh she started..

 “so, the boy that i made is indeed very close to my heart, the first time i saw him i remember how unknowingly my hands started to draw on its own, guess even my sketchbook knows that he was such a work of art, cuz god has favorites clearly and it was like a fairytale, a beautiful maiden meeting a charming prince, that kind of moment, and he was indeed very charming too. He made me feel special, I was craving for love and he fulfilled all my cravings. On my saddest days he would become my ray of hope!! Never leaving my side!!! If I get a chance to say thank you again, I won't miss it for the world!!!” she went silent for a minute, keeping her calm, blinking her upcoming tears away. “So where is he now?” 

she looks towards the host, giving him a broken smile “In HERE!!” she motions her index fingers, bringing it to her heart, smiling before lowering her head and closing her eyes, ruminating the very exact moment he said and did the same thing..

“Always!”

“Sometimes people that are fragments of the unconscious mind become your loved ones more than the real people that exist in this world. That’s what he was a piece of my mind, that showed me what love actually feels like…”

[me-dusk-and-dawn]

flight pt. 2

One more layer of white Add it now. The songwriters all have said One more might just be enough. So it begins, it is all but a glimpse; You could not see where it had gone, Could not tell a touch from a breeze. So you force yourself to fly, cry, You even start to lie: "If you can do it, you will see that far." Have the lights lost their shine A small leap further south from where you are?

And you will fly, You will fly tonight. You will fly and your hands will touch the flickering orbs above. You will forge them if there is none, You will make it this time- Is this what hope sounds like? No, not today, Is it even worth falling for another lie? "Feelings come and go, this one feels right." Perhaps, after all, Home was never that far.

Few hours on a train once was not a waste You felt it, memorised the salty taste. Your tears wet your cheeks, You knew you were going the wrong way. Why didn’t you get off Where your heart wanted to stay? You had come that far, Still stayed in your lane. Regretted not saying one more word to pick up your pace, Beat yourself up, looked away, stayed awake Trapped yourself in the headspace- Could you not recall How to spell ‘stay’?

Now you resort to flight One last time, one layer too far. You’d written of how tired you are Of running away, giving up – You bit your nails, Caught your breaths before the escape. One blink, it is over, swept by a wave. Here you are begging the night for miracles, Chasing ghosts in realms you may never name. Dreams, nightmares, what difference do they make? You will never slow dance to that song Never sway together beside a beautiful lake.

And you flew, The end had come and you knew, Went for it anyway - for shame! “Where are the stars?” You have lost your sight, turned the wrong way in this maze. Your ghost is gone, the silence gives it away. There is no chase, no ‘next phase’. To where do you shift the blame? Ghosts wander, You knew full well wanderers never took it well to stay.

So you tear dream after dream, You reach and apparitions fade. "Stop kicking the sheets, Forgive the sobs you heave in your sleep, And please, Give yourself a chance." But then you cry - One more layer, One more bump. Do it, you may capture his melodies this time; Do they not live in the abandoned corners of your mind? Some played on that night hope died. Perhaps, after all, You never could reach that far.

Once, you had heard a voice in your ear A whisper of safety, a reminder. Your world had collapsed, or so you had thought. Pondered, weighed the risk, saw where you had gone wrong. Still swallowed your words; you'd had it all. Thought it deserved to be left to fall. You couldn't have known. Why on earth did you leave that call? Even with all the maybes, all the almosts, Back then you still had a pillar to lean on. And now? What even remains to hold on?

“Love the free fall.” That was what you cried when that glass hit the wall. Every flight comes with a descent, You’ve hit it, It’s been long underway. "Give into it, why do I fight fate?" No, fear, chase the memories with haste– "I cannot hear myself over your words of hate." Stop, set aside your blade. It is not a battle, It had never been a war. You loved a little too much, Pushed a little too hard. That is all. This pain was never yours to worship and adore. Perhaps, after all, You were meant to fall that far.

But keep your words, you still lie. You lie all the time: You cannot haunt a ghost, It is the price of living to remember what you have lost. The end is sealed, pages turned - Dear, he hasn't played that song in months. Torturing your ears, ceaseless, Won’t win you back the voice you loved hearing the most. So scream, if you must But do not pray your ghost listens, nobody hears, Apocalypse has come, You are its only believer. The world has turned its face Gave you space– Had you not wanted space? Raise yourself, move, take the step; There is no going back to that place.

And after all, not perhaps, You did not have to see that far, Reach that far, Fight to your own ends; You did not have to play the fool For a distance you may never cross, For dreams you'd never held in your hands.

So listen, Just this time.

Don’t fly.

The end is nothing but collapse.

(September 20 2022)

[eolewyn1010]

Third in Alan Bradley's Flavia de Luce series - we're talking A Red Herring Without Mustard / Halunken, Tod und Teufel. Side note, I know the titles usually include a quote or a clever wordplay that's difficult to translate into German, but they could put in a little more effort. The translation overall is nice; only the titles are usually left wanting...

I'm taking a few small issues with this book. Don't get me wrong; that's still whining from a high ground - reading the ups and downs of investigation was fun as usual, the worldbuilding is once again subtly expanded, and Flavia gets up to her shenanigans. I guess it's just the small things piling up. Flavia de Luce novels always require a bit of suspension of disbelief as so many dead people just happen to find their way to the precocious eyes of our heroine, but the cult in her hometown was a bit. Eh. A bit of a big thing to have gone unnoticed all of Flavia's nosy life. And then there's the timely racism. I kinda shrugged it off in the first novel because, while the Colonel's idea of a "Chinese mage" was staggering, he also clearly expressed the notions of what had been a 1920s' schoolboy. And Colonel de Luce is not our protagonist; Flavia is, so it felt removed and not to be taken at face value. Flavia being choke-full of clichés about "gypsies", and the story repeatedly confirming those, was more immediately uncomfortable.

And there's Porcelain. *sigh* See, the previous book also had a quarrelsome female friend for Flavia, and while Nialla had her moments, I still found her overall sympathetic and Flavia's headbutting communication with her fun to read. Porcelain however is utterly charmless. Her behavior makes no sense, she's constantly hostile to Flavia who goes out of her way to help her, and SPOILER WARNING that scene with Porcelain bewitching the collective de Luces in Harriet's dress bears the uncomfortable notion of Colonel de Luce being enchanted by a skinny 16-year-old in an adult woman's dress, who's clearly trying to impersonate his dead wife to some degree. Ugh, that was icky. I was glad when Porcelain took her leave. She had way too much presence for my taste.

TL;DR - risking to appear a bit overly strict here, this is imho still one of the weaker books of the series, so it gets three out of five glass orbs to ponder: 🔮🔮🔮

[riikasgarbagepile]

It’s 3 am and I

have a fever

I’ve been sick for weeks

and there’s no end

in sight.

I gazed up

at the purple shape

perched on the shelf

Half hidden

beneath the time-dulled

cowboy hat

and the nausea

threatens to sweep me away.

is it the fever?

or the choking misery

that drowns me

in uncertainty?

As I pondered

I could not help

but stare,

eyes unblinking,

at the cold metal vessel

Until my stomach turned.

Still, uncertain,

I reached for the vessel,

felt it’s heft weigh

On my injured shoulder,

and drew it carefully down.

down, to a place

close beside me

for but a moment

and stifled

the rising flood.

eyes unfocused,

I revealed

from it’s banishment

the locket.

In a way

I got it from him,

in the sense that

I would not have gotten it

If not for him.

but still

As i retrieved it

eight months

after banishment

nine months

after purchase

ten months

after he’s been gone

I felt hazy

delirious

in my fevered state.

from within

i pulled its heart

A curious blue orb

in a cold black cage

and carved

from the vessel

fragments

of bone

of ash

of pain

of him

and pressed them

deep into the tiny orb,

deep into its heart.

Sealed, bottled

never to escape

from this cage.

the heart returned

to its loving prison,

the vessel to its perch,

the hat to its position,

all is right

and yet wrong once more.

The fateful locket

may yet be banished

To the depths once again

but for now it sits

undisturbed

on the shelf

among the books.

the nausea threatens

to consume me

and i grasp

for reality

this fever’s dream

has gone on

too long

[simpingwriter]

Cal Kestis x Kyra Yarmot

'In the Name of Love' pt.9

Yeah I had prouder days of writing this book... I really don't like how this chapter turned out, I literally dragged myself from sentence to sentence because I had no clue how to progress the story...the last Chapters between the Final Chapter are literally going to be the bane of my existence 💀💀

Try to Enjoy! :')

Word Count: approx. 3.107 Words

___________________

Cal was gone.

He left yesterday morning, leaving a note that he would return in the evening, that you shouldn't wait for dinner with him.

That – in a matter of minutes for you – turned out to be a big fat lie, a lie he begged you to keep secret from the others. For reasons he couldn't even tell you...he had never been so cryptic with you before.

So when he didn't return as promised, Merrin was first to begin to worry, along with you – though you did it to seem less suspicious. Greez then did as well, pacing the ship as he pondered the holomap like an Orb that would magically answer all of your questions combined, something you could've needed more than anyone else right now. And it was just very odd to see…people only really started to show they cared when the damage had already been done…damage that couldn't be reversed or be undone.

And Cere was Cere...still staying calm, even 24 hours after he didn't return. Said that maybe he ran into some simple trouble, namely a Trooper Group that potentially overwhelmed him and that he had to hide out for a while – something that already sounded very far fetched…24 hours…Cal would not have taken that long. She tried to calm the others down that way, that Cal wasn't stupid or weak, that he would return sooner or later.

And even though you knew that this was very much wrong, you did your part of the lie – and to look for any clues about where he might've gone – and told everyone that you would go out to look for him.

Recon, it wasn't a difficult expedition type for you – it was the only thing the Clone Team let you do back then without dying of worry – you could fly high above the ground and had still near perfect vision, you could spot a person from almost all the way up in the clouds. But any kind of storm in the atmosphere made your expedition slightly more risky or at least more of a struggle.

While you would expertly maneuver the open skies of planets, usually no matter the temperatures or the wildlife, storms were the bane of your existence. One unforeseen extreme gust of wind from a different direction than you were gliding or actively trying to fly in and you were at risk of being thrown around like an empty plastic bag.

There had been only three moments in your life until now, where you used your wings and high velocity winds to your advantage instead, but they had also probably been the most risky stunts you pulled all the way up there, in a place were nobody is able to catch your plummeting weight if you ever miscalculate a distance or similar...

You were clearly born to soar through the skies of the Galaxy, alone...but born to...unfortunately that exclusiveness also left you all on your own in an emergency.

"Are you sure about going out now? The weather map is mentioning a high spike of potential hail in the next two hours…" Greez asked with understandable worry, likely seeing the problem your wings could be having with such weather conditions. Hail corns, if big enough with high velocity, could put a straight up hole into your wing membrane – something you knew no way of fixing such serious injury, it usually was mentioned to have crippled your kinds' warriors for life... – no matter its exceptional toughness.

But you had to go out now, no matter the danger you'd put yourself into. If you waited out the hail…the water from the hail melting could wash away even the very last trail and scent he might've left by accident, the latter nearly imprinted from all the times you two were cuddling and generally hanging out close together. "Yes, yes I am. If…if he's still out there, he will be left all alone in the cold of said Hail as well…"

From the corner of your eyes you were most certain Cere was about to comment about your recklessness, maybe a tasteless one too.

How you shouldn't endanger yourself for Cal.

If she knew what he meant to you, what this uncertainty did to your mental state, she would know that you didn't have any other choice.

And you would've not been able to hold back if she had opened her mouth right now.

You would've asked her why she wouldn't want Cal to be brought to safety while you, with your unique abilities, still could ensure that. That that was probably no longer happening, that he was probably no longer on Zeffo all together, you obviously would not be able to tell her all that. But that made her all the more…wrong…to you.

From her unaware point of view, Cal is about to be caught in a freezing, dangerous Hailstorm and she actually thought…she almost had the audacity to tell you to stay put! To potentially leave one of the maybe last Jedi left that could help her in her plan – a plan that included more and more near lethal and dangerous missions, missions and Tasks she always pushed onto Cal and now you as well! – in life threatening conditions!

"And I won't let anyone stop me, Cere…he is my friend and we...you "need" him for your mission, so don't even think about it…"

Oops, did you still slightly call her out either way? What a bad Girl you were!

Oh pleaseee...go kark yourself!

Grabbing your lightsaber – which you never actually got the time to clean because of the shock – and the small rations pack, one that you could sling over your shoulder, off the Coffee table, you quickly order Greez to open and lower the ship's door. Even if he didn't do it himself, you knew perfectly well where the button was.

Fortunately, for everyone's wish to cause less drama than needed, he followed promptly and the heavy door hisses open. The weather was still stable, but dark clouds in the distance unfortunately held true to Greez's unlucky weather forecast. Couldn't he have just…kept it to himself, for once!? Maybe then they magically wouldn't have appeared that soon or so threateningly then…

"BD? Are you com–" "No, I am not letting you take the Droid with you into this dangerous weather, Kyra! He carries the last messages of Cordova, the only clues we have left!" Cere unfroze from her spot after your sudden change in demeanor, quickly stepping in as the small BD-Unit automatically started sprinting to follow your heavy footsteps off the sloped mechanical door. When he didn't reach you after what she said, you turned around to look at what took him so long.

She had picked him off the ground, holding him at his square head as he struggled in her hands, obviously resulting in nothing but her tightening her grip. "BD, you can't go with her, it will be too dangerous in such heights for you…" That wasn't fully true, you had carried him and Cal across Kashyyyk at least twice already. BD loved it when you let him see all the planets your got to visit from all the way up there, sometimes he even got to scan air particles his filters picked up and intriguing high up places he and Cal would've never reached on foot.

And BD made sure to continue showing his protest, beeping loudly and continued to kick in the air, some beeps being quite blunt curse words, which you seriously didn't expect from the small Droid, wondering if that is actually the Droid that seemed extremely childlike to you and Cal on most days...

But you still had to unfortunately play into some lie Cal built his whole disappearance on…so you couldn't just run with your horns against this metal wall and fight against Cere on every single occasion even though she gave you way too many chances to do exactly that.

"I guess she's right, BD. Maybe it's better if you set this one out? And don't you worry, I'll bring Cal back home safely, I promise!"

The fruitless struggles stopped abruptly as began speaking to the Droid, BD staring down at you, the height difference coming from you already down the slope, and for whatever reason you could swear you saw the almost human hurt in his optics. Because he knew the same thing you did.

'Be careful, Kyra…please. Cal wouldn't want you to get hurt because of him.'

Right he is. Cal surely wouldn't want that. He probably wouldn't have wanted you to investigate Zeffo for trails of him either, since he told you where he went could be potentially dangerous for even you.

Giving BD a small smile of a goodbye and a nod, you turn to leave without another look at the rest of the crew and the woman that had to have been the catalyst for his rushed decision.

Though…right now you felt the doubt in this having been as rushed as he made it seem with his odd behavior in the recording, you remember the weirdly off limits part in his thoughts, the weird glimmer in his eyes since multiple rotations…

What if he had planned to run away for a while now? If so…why did he have to promise to stay by your side less than 24 hours earlier, he could've just left things as they were before…did he not realize the pain he would cause you with his little stunt?

And for how long had he played with that thought…what if he had the idea already before you met him? What if you were doing nothing but hindering him from taking action earlier.

Already high above the ground now, purposely staying away from going too close to the clouds to keep your sight clear and to not get either drenched in rain from the heavy and quite loaded storm clouds or potentially get grilled by rogue lightning further above.

You didn't know what grilled Dragon tastes like and you were really karking alright with never finding out as well.

"Fine, Cal…run off. That's absolutely karking not fine. But at least have left something to assure me you're safe and alive!" You groan your worry into the damp air, your eyes scanning the abandoned village below, seeing nothing but more stupid Troopers. But they were still alive, none of them seemed injured, not heavily at least. So he might've not even come this way…

"This isn't right though…this is the only other path he could've taken away from the Mantis without the help of my wings." The first one you checked, you knew it ended in a dead end, a cliff with a dead drop of at least…20 miles…at the end of it. You know it's probably that deep because you remember vividly how Cal once slipped on some mud and fell off said cliff, screaming your name for help on with a desperately high tone you haven't heard from even him yet.

Hadn't you been there yet that day, he would've be truly lost. Not just dead. Because only a person whose body can be recovered can REALLY be called dead…everything else is just grief therapy in your eyes. People tend to start working on managing their grief of loss easier if their loved ones can be called dead. Not lost.

A lost loved one…it's constant...uncertainty. What if they were still alive somewhere?

What if they aren't just lost?

What if they got trapped somewhere and that's why they never returned home?

Lost at sea? Trapped in a cave? Kidnapped?

A dead person, an actual funeral – empty casket or not –...often it's the start of learning to let go. To let them rest as well, not just yourself…

But you couldn't think that way with Cal. You knew Cal was alive out there – even though the Connection had been broken – maybe…maybe scouting out the place he could take you off to as well?

If yes…could he actually make your dream – this still very, no, more than silly idea – come true at that place…even if it was supposedly dangerous?

"I don't care how dangerous this place is, Cal…any place is fine if it just includes you, holding me again at night..." The storm grew closer the further you flew inwards of the main island and soon you already reached the Empire's Turbine Facility, a big metal chunk in the otherwise beautiful landscape.

More Stormtroopers. All still alive, just like the last ones.

At this point, you were 100% sure he had to have gotten along this way anyways, so how did he sneak past all of these Troopers. Especially the few Purge Troopers scattered along the path up to this point? Cal turns out to be not the most stealthy person for being a Jedi, who were partially trained to be able to creep past enemies to avoid unnecessary fights.

Cal though…well…he started a fight wherever he went usually, like you to be honest – though, unlike him, you did it intentionally, having a good ol' chuckle with the sheer struggle your enemies got into when they noticed you overpowered them with ease – his attempts at trying to sneak past various Troopers in the last months having ended with him having to push them off a cliff or an edge with the Force last second.

You loved the innocent seeming grimace he pulled everything, muttering an apology, 'oops' or something similar along the way as he motioned you with his pointer to keep quiet about what you just witnessed. Cold Blooded murder at the hands of an innocent orange haired pup, from your professional point of view. Professional in causing havoc on multiple planets and systems.

"I hope we will continue having these moments in the future…" Your words obviously went on deaf ears, like all the rest, all the way up here, nothing but birds and the occasional quite brave bug coming across your focused vision. It was always quiet when you're as high up as you were right now, making it perfect for a person like you. You couldn't stand crowds in an already bad mood, it would make you even crankier than before.

Already about to drown in another "new" memory, one from your time long before you ran into the freckled redhead, you swore…a cold shiver ran down your back.

Turning around sharply mid air, flapping your wings more in a quick rhythm to stay in place, you seek for what caused your dizzying unease. You turned up with nothing as you scanned the immediate ground below you, but further in the distance you saw it.

An Inquisitor's Ship.

There is an Inquisitor on Zeffo at this very moment…this cannot be good. This absolutely cannot mean anything good, in none of the various languages you could speak, not in a million life cycles!

Still, against your better judgment and with a good amount of stupidity – and of course with that never leaving grain of more subtle unease in the back of your head, like a terrible itch that wouldn't go away, getting worse the closer you flew towards the ship – you watch it grow bigger with less and less distance left between you and it.

Concentrating on any kind of Force Energy, you try to find the current whereabouts of the most dangerous passenger on board, of course the Inquisitor. You really really hoped they weren't on the ship at this point of time, that they were somewhere down in those cursed karking Ice Caves that almost gave you frostbite once. And a tiny piece of you hoped they would slip on a fallen icicle to break their stupid neck.

Was it wrong for a Jedi in training to think that way? Would you give a flying Wookie-kark if it was? Mhhh…not really. Not anymore, too late for that shit at this point, at least that's how it started feeling for a good while now.

Shit-

You instantly stop pondering your thoughts like Greez did that stupid Holomap earlier when you had to realize something…terrible.

Two Force Sources, one extremely dimmed and pushed back.

The one that didn't feel as dominating as the other, it was feeling…o-oh no…no!

It was Cal's, it's the second one you felt as you reached out. It was quiet, clearly to keep it from being sensed over longer distances. The Inquisitor must've caught him while he tried to leave Zeffo…how would've he left the planet anyways? It was under guard by the Empire, thank the Makers they never detected the Mantis, so no ships other than the Empire ones got on and off the Surface.

He would've had to steal a TIE…did they catch onto him that way? Probably because they noticed an unannounced TIE in the sky trying to leave the atmosphere…oh Cal…

Landing on the lower mountain cap nearby, you continued surveying the surrounding area of the ship and the landing area. There was a surprising amount of Stormtroopers and even three Purge Troopers standing on guard, but the amount didn't scare you, not really, you could deal with them all in a matter of minutes…but you worried what they would do to your poor Cal if they realized too soon that they were under attack. So rushing in and doing short work was out of the question…

And yet you had realized that every second, every minute you spent just planning and making useless strategies…his life could be more and more endangered. What if they were torturing him for the current location of the Mantis?!

No. No. NononONONONO-

You could not let him get hurt!

You had to do something NOW!

As quick as you had reached the small peak, you rapidly soared back down. Aiming at two of unassuming Purge Troopers, you already took them down during your high speed landing. You heard the gnarly cracks of their helmets and skulls under the multiplied weight of your acceleration as you stood back up from the crouch you instinctively took on, readying your lightsaber for the rest.

"This is going to be the worst day ever for you all…" you growl antagonistically before igniting the blade upon finishing your sentence. Nobody hurt him and got away with it, nobody.

Hearing three Blasters getting readied behind, on both sides and in front of you respectively, you get ready to focus on the old techniques you once had been taught by your Master, deflecting one bolt after another, using your flexibilityto your advantage.

With a focus on the sounds and where they would come from, you blindly managed to continuously spin the blade in the right directions. You didn't miss a beat at their fruitless attempts, striking down Trooper for Trooper with their own Blaster Bolts and you were certainly proud of yourself that you didn't show signs of getting rusty because of nearly four months of not getting a single training session.

Fortunately for you and unfortunately for them, their guards were mostly these Blaster Armed Troopers, thinning their lines from 20 to 8 in under two minutes as you got ready to duel the Scouts now as well. And man, did that opportunity give you a grin, it's been so long you got to have some light, second long duels against basically Bogling shit for brains Troopers.

One you duck under and fling over your shoulder, swinging back to take him out from behind, the one coming immediately after got a taste of your blade straight through his stomach. One by one, you mow the basic Troopers down, the cauterized wounds from the heat of the Lightsaber the only reason you didn't stand in a field of blood right now.

"You had it easy with them but I will be youuuuu– " "Shut the kark up, I have had enough…" you curse under your breath, using the Force, stupid and annoyed as you were, to cause the last Purge Trooper to nearly immediately get pushed off the high in the air Landing Area. You always expected more from the Troopers that were literally trained to hunt down and kill Jedi…

But you realized your own mistake too late, the hiss of the large ship's door opening stunning you for too long to fly into the air for broader defense. You shouldn't have caused such a ruckus!

When the door was open, you grimaced bitterly at which Inquisitor it was that occupied the ship…it just had to be her, didn't it?

On the sloped door, in her dark glory, stood The Second Sister.

Or also called Trilla, by now.

But her standing basically right in front of you wasn't what threw you off…

It was who stood behind her, no shackles, no bruises…there was no sign whatsoever of the torture you thought would be happening…

You forgot to breath as the shock began to really hit you, your wide green eyes staring at him disbelief…

This couldn't…n-no…Cal.

And two eyes stared right back with the same amount of shock, dropping the unfamiliar looking Lightsaber in his grip…

Two yellow eyes…

___________________

(Why does Tumblr not have an actual yellow text color?! Just ORANGE! >:/)

[gameguides]

Shadows Over Loathing Tips and Tricks

Welcome to our Shadows Over Loathing Tips and Tricks guide. This guide helps you with some of the more difficult/frustrating achievements. We know that there are people who have a hard time finishing the Shadows Over Loathing game. If you are one of those who find it difficult to finish the game, let's take you to our Shadows Over Loathing guide. #ShadowsOverLoathing

Shadows Over Loathing Tips and Tricks

This guide helps you with some of the more difficult/frustrating achievements. Bad Dogs First, you have to solve Mudhenge in The Big Moist, through trial and error. Turn off the music volume for this one, but keep the effects volume on. Go through the leftmost gate first, and pay attention to the sound. That sound means you've gone through the correct gate. Keep doing that until you reach the violent nudists, which is the final destination of mudhenge. Or if you're too lazy, the solution is 1, 2, 1, 2, 5, 2, 5, 4, 3, each gating being labelled from 1-5, with the leftmost gate being 1. Fight off the nudists, and place your compass on the altar. Think real hard about meat, then go through the west-north gate (don't worry, you can't go through the wrong gate here). You'll arrive at a riverboat. You need to reach the top of the riverboat- first, talk to the speaker to get a code that turns off the steam. Again, if you're too lazy to figure out the puzzle, the solution is 4-1-0-0-5-4. The rest is straightforward, but when you're done and you've finished with Captain Dan, return to Mudhenge. Place the compass on the altar again and think even harder about meat. Go through the south gate, and you'll be inside the vault! Exit, and you'll get the achievement. Shadows Over Loathing Tips and Tricks - More Meat than Sense If you go to the Hardware store at Crystaldream lake and interact with the barrels, you'll notice that one is on sale for 10,000 meat! This is the only barrel you can buy in the game, so tough luck buttercup, you gotta get rich and get rich quick. You can likely stockpile a good few thousand meat just by playing the game, but if you want to make this easier, pick up meat drop perks and items for a while, especially the Shadow Coin (requires high shadow taint, see my other guide for more info) and shadow mead which give huge boosts to meat drops. Additionally, there's silver bars hidden throughout the game which sell for 1000 meat! There's one in the water under the Dauphin house in The Big Moist, and one underneath the Mob Submarine (both require the diving helmet), and others to find. You should also pick up several valuable items like old engagement rings as you play through the game which sell for a few hundred meat or so, so loot as many jewelry boxes as possible throughout your playthrough. But basically, this is an end-game buy, because chances are without some prep work you're gonna end up selling a lot of your stuff. Buying the barrel nets you the achievement and a fishing spot for infinite miscellaneous hardware junk like matches, fuses, anarchist's hardware, etc., and a portable barrel accessory which gives +7 physical armor...yay. Hardcore Gamer For this one, it's better to wait until the last day, but you're going to want the following: - SAVE the bathtub found in the junkyard until you're ready to get the achievement, it grants you a +1 in each stat after taking a bath and makes this way easier - A food item which boosts each stat by 1 (either the pressed fruit found in junk mail or the fruit cocktail found in the Dauphin house) - 4 "crackers" from the Government Valley prison - The prologue cat unlocked, as their boon gives +1 to each stat - The glowy orb found in the radio shack in The Big Moist, gives a +1 to mysticality when you ponder it in your room - Max upgraded stats (obviously) - The pants shop, if possible - The statue the puckwudgies erect after you terrorize their town - Absinthe, Whiskey, and Tequila unlocked in the speakeasy- even though you can only have one drink effect at a time, it's better to have all three so you can pick which one you need, as each grants a +1 to two separate stats - A potion that boosts two separate stats, such as the radium rouge found in the Dauphin house - Complete monster sash- it's one of the best accessories in the game plus it gives you +1 to each stat if you get all badges (you don't need all the badges, just the ones that boost stats, but it's better to finish it if you can) - Grub hat from Haim Quarry. I know it's disgusting, but it gives +1 to all stats some- how. You get it by putting both eyes in the statue and then having the narrator go into detail about how you destroy the grubs in the fly cave Got all that? Good. Here's the breakdown of getting your 15 stats across the board: After fully upgrading your stats and taking the prologue cat's boon (it doesn't have a set name), you should be at 6 in every stat. Take the food item you stashed, and the bath if it's still available to get you up to 8. Your sash and disgusting grub hat will push you up to 10. Now, trade in the crackers at the prison for four separate perks- talk to the guy who's whistling, the guy floating an orange, the chiropractor, and the guy lifting weights to push your moxie and mysticality up to 11, and your muscle to 12. If you've gotten this far as described, it would be best to take a shot of Absinthe to get have all stats be 12. Now wander around the map, get into fights, and lose in them to get the effects from losing which boost your stats until all your stats are 13. Ponder the glowy orb to raise your mysticality- you're now 13/14/13 across the board. For the final stats, you'll have to combine your pants and potion effects to cover the rest. This is why the pants shop is recommended, as they sell a pair of pants which raises two separate stats by one. The reason you want the puckwudgie statue is because if you happen to be missing a point in a stat, but the others are 15, you can interact with it to gain that final point. When all is said and done, go to the boardwalk and rock the carnival man's world. Grab that achievement like the hardcore gamer you are. Read the full article