#orochimaru headcanon

[watermelonsloth]

I really hate to deadname them, but, according to what I stumbled upon, Orochimaru’s original name was Yashagoro in the myth they were based on.

[or0ch1maru]

••••••AFTER-CARE?•••••••

18+, mentions of rough sex, hook up/one night stand, sub drop, female reader. Fluff & cuddles, sweet ending ^.^

•

You’d heard stories from your girlfriends and some women from work about after care. The time to mentally settle down and do other soft things after sex, particularly rough sex. You have experience, being in a few different relationships and some one night stands but you never experienced the joy of after care

So when the time came that you and your hook up finished, you were already slipping your clothes back on. Getting ready to head back home now that things are done. Despite this heavy feeling weighing over your head.

“Where you going princess?” He asked, your ears perked as you looked at him over your shoulder. “Home, we’re done here aren’t we?” You replied softly, your tone even despite the nagging feeling behind it

“Nah, come lay down with me.” He said, his eyes scanning over your face, wondering if you had something important to attend too. When he noticed your hesitation, he stretched out an arm, his muscles protruding as he wraps his hand around your waist, pulling you against his side.

Once he got you comfortable, your face nuzzled against neck, something overcame you and you couldn’t hold back. Tears started falling from your eyes, your hand gripping a small fistful of his shirt.

“Did I hurt you?” He asks, his usual husky tone laced with concern as he took in how vulnerable you are. You shook your head in reply, trying to slow your breathing down enough to answer him.

“Ah, I see” he spoke gently, a large calloused hand pushing strands of hair out of your face. “You’ve never experienced this have you?” His voice is almost like a purr as he watches you reply with a no. He shifts his body once again, him laying flat on his back with you on top of him. Your face resting against his broad chest, his thick arms wrapping around your small frame. Holding you tightly against him

“Don’t worry doll, I’ve got you.” He murmurs. You feel his lips graze the top of your head as he presses a kiss against your hair.

“You’ll never feel that way again. Not ‘s long as I’ve got you”

•

TOJI, soft SUKUNA, NANAMI, Zetsu, Kisame, HIDAN, KAKUZU, OBITO, SATORU, SUGURU, Pain, orochimaru, Kenpachi, Renji

[dark-konohagakure2]

orochimaru making fem reader and sasuke have sex as he guides them :3 lots of praise and daddy kink on oros part, sasuke and the reader are inexperienced virgins

tw: mutual noncon, voyeurism, daddy kink, praise, implied orosasu, breeding, butt plugs, forced orgasm

All characters depicted are 18+

Orochimaru is a very smart man, he's able to see the flaws with some of his plans, including his latest plan to obtain a perfect vessel. Once he takes over Sasuke's body, there won't be anymore Uchihas left for him to use as a vessel (except Itachi, but that didn't go very well the first time), but Orochimaru is smart, he knows that if he can't find a new Uchiha, he can just make one.

Orochimaru wishes he could simply impregnate Sasuke himself, his intelligence combined with the Uchiha's genetics and beauty would be an incredible vessel, but alas, he'll need to settle for the next best option: forcing Sasuke into making a child with one of Orochimaru's many prisoners.

He'll call Sasuke to his personal quarters under the guise of teaching him a special jutsu, only for Sasuke to show up and become confused when he sees Orochimaru waiting with a female prisoner. The Sannin won't bother explaining himself, simply ordering both of the young adults to strip, and they're left with no choice but to obey.

Orochimaru is incredibly creepy and invasive during the entire process, spreading the girl's pussy with his fingers and giving information and directions to the unnerved Sasuke, telling him what each body part is and what to do with it, both for Orochimaru's grand plan and his own sick enjoyment.

"Now now, my dearest Sasuke, you're a big boy now aren't you? All you have to do is stick your lovely cock inside of her and fuck her until you make a new baby for Daddy..."

Orochimaru will watch intently, almost unblinkingly, as Sasuke clumsily thrusts into her, both parties being equally reluctant and unsure of what exactly they're supposed to be doing. The long haired man can't resist helping them out a little bit, praising them along the way and occasionally guiding Sasuke's inexperience thrusts into her.

He practically has to physically restrain himself from touching himself to the sight, that would ruin the lovely spectacle he's put into motion, instead contenting himself with watching, and he can always have one of his lovely little pets take care of him later.

Sasuke looks both nervous and angry the entire time, and he must be shy too, because he hasn't cum yet even after several minutes of thrusting. Orochimaru can't have that, he's not a very patient man, so he'll take matters into his own hands, gently forcing a lovely little vibrating toy inside of Sasuke, the vibrating sensation against Sasuke's prostate being enough to force the Uchiha into an intense orgasm, spewing his load directly into the prisoner underneath him.

Orochimaru is more than pleased with how his little experiment went, in more ways than one, and he'll be sure to praise his darling less than willing participants for their contributions, although it's a bit more than clear that Orochimaru is playing favorites with his 'children'.

"That's my good Sasuke, such a good boy for Daddy... Only a true prodigy like yourself could make an unremarkable girl like her useful for my plans... now I wont have to worry about my next vessel..."

The Sannin considers this latest experiment of his to be a complete success, not only does he get a new host body in just nine months, but he has the perfect memory to look back on whenever he's fisting his cock late at night.

[iambilliejeanok]

How they react to seeing reader cry.

Fandoms: Naruto( Akatsuki) || Jujustu Kaisen|| Record of Ragnarok

Featured: Buddha, Itachi, Orochimaru, Geto, Kisame

FLUFF OVERLOAD

🩷Buddha 🩷

He absolutely CANNOT afford to have you shedding tears and not solve whatever problem you have immediately.

Whenever he sees those tears running down your cheeks he lovingly lifts up your chin with his fingers, wiping them away with his thumb before pressing a few kisses to your lips. “What’s the matter?”, he asks, his eyebrows furrowing in concern. He really hates seeing you like this.

And he has many times before and will always be ready to fight the other gods for you. (Even though I genuinely don’t know what kind of mess you’re getting into to be stirring up gods and stuff) But since he is a god, which you don’t like to take advantage of, you try to keep things to yourself to not feel bad about the extra leg and a half you have in life. Since he loves you so much though, he will get to the bottom of this issue himself if it really comes down to it. If you’re struggling at work, with a project, family and friends or you’re not feeling well in general, he’s sure to immediately attend to those issues. But that’s only after he cuddles you to pieces.

He does show major signs of being clingy, so when your feeling upset he’s wrapped around you all day like a sweater, until he’s convinced that you’re well enough for him to leave you on your own and go sort out those issues. He’s like a personal hero. A very clingy one.

🩷Uchiha Itachi 🩷

He’s not as clingy as Buddha is, but when he does see you feeling upset enough to start crying, he will baby you to death. He turns into a koala and will literally wrap his arms around you and never let go. Not until he’s 100% certain you’re okay. And even then, he might spend some time being extra close to you just to make himself feel better.

He’s very susceptible to depression and when he sees you crying, it triggers a deep somberness inside of him that he can’t explain, and he starts overthinking, growing terribly paranoid about you getting hurt or being in any other kind of situation that would make you cry. He doesn’t tears, nor does he like the sound of crying, especially coming from you. So now you experience a season of clingy, overprotective, extra soft Itachi.

Even if you’re only upset in the moment and soon recover and get over whatever mad you cry, he still can’t help but linger around you for a week or two, taking many days off of work or finishing earlier than usual. He bathes with you, cooks each of your meals throughout the day, helps you get ready for bed and tucks you in at night. He will even treat you to a story while scratching your back before bed, and holds you tighter than usual, throughout the entire night.

You know he has some kind of a problem since his behavior is definitely not normal, but if it helps him in any way, you’ll always allow him to treat you like and you also try to reciprocate the treatment to help him snap out of it sooner rather than later.

🩷Orochimaru 🩷

He’s usually the reason as to why you cry to begin with, which at first, he pretends he doesn’t care, immediately turning around to walk away from you so he doesn’t have to watch you break down. But over time, he does take an interest in your feelings. He just feels guilty sometimes and doesn’t know how to approach you.

He knows you love to cuddle though, so he will try to use that during times like this and invite you to come and spend time with him while he works. He’ll rub your back and hold you close to him as he walks around his home and might even suggest going for walks around the large base hand in hand. He went as far as nurturing a garden with his own hands for you two to walk through whenever he upset you like this.

He doesn’t make you cry on purpose. It’s never his intention to begin with, but it happens and when it does, he kind of hates himself for a while. But he’ll never mention it and hides his guilt quite well. He loves it when you lay on his chest sometimes and he can rub your back, and slowly feel you begin to calm down.

Sometimes the poor man gets so frustrated over the sight of tears flooding your eyes, he’ll gently smoosh you into his chest and wrap his arms around you and just hold you, petting your head and rubbing your back while he tries to hush you. It’s only when it gets to this point that he’ll mumble and apology while he’s hugging you. He doesn’t mind standing with you like this until you finally calm down.

🩷Geto Suguru 🩷

He sees you crying and you’re surprised to see a warm smile plastered on his face. “Oh babe, it’s okay”, he chuckles, pulling you close against him to hug you. He’s so good at making the situation seem less dire than it actually is and prefers to distract you from your problems than talk about them.

He will address whatever cause those tears to begin with at later stage, but tries to focus on getting you passed your balling. Sometimes he’ll pick you up and rub your back while you wrap your limps around him and cry into his shoulder. He coos at you and baby talks you while he rocks you in his arms.

After endless kisses against your forehead while he cradles you in his arms, the moment he feels like your breakdown is over, he’ll tickle you. He tickles you until you’re breathless with laughter and have long forgotten to cry. You can only run away from him, and you try your best to wriggle out of his hold, and then he’s after you and the chase builds up adrenaline inside of you that totally distracts you from whatever made you cry.

You end up having to play fight him until there’s a winner, which he freely gives over to you. Once’s it’s been established that you’ve won, he’ll reward you with taking you out to your favorite place and doesn’t mind stopping to get some popsicles with you. He’s a total sucker for you when he tries to make you feel better and will even let you ride his dragon with him, the two of you flying over the nearby ocean, laying on your backs ontop of rainbow dragon, enjoying the wind brushing against your skin while you suck on your popsicle.

It’s during peaceful moments like this that he’ll finally ask you why you were so upset and now you can tell him without feeling too depressed about it.

🩷 Kisame 🩷

He’s not good with tears. He doesn’t know what to do whenever you cry and will quietly separate himself from you when he sees you getting emotional. It’s never with negative intentions, it’s just very awkward for him. What does he say? What should he do? He’s never really seen an example of how to approach the situation.

I mean at least he understands that you’re clearly having a hard time, so he will try and get as many chores out of the way as possible and will work extra hard to ensure that you don’t have to do a single thing around the house. He does grow very quiet though and won’t say much when he does find himself within your vicinity.

If you ask him to shower with you or do anything for you, he will of course. And he heavily relies on instruction during this time or else he’ll just excuse himself. If you’re having an episode and he notices you’re crying almost everyday, he becomes a bit scarce and when he’s away from you he’s constantly stressed out. He really doesn’t know what to do. He’ll humbly ask another member of the org for advice when it gets that bad, and will only come home at night to tidy up the entire house to make sure you’re chore-less the next day.

It’s only when you vent to him with tears in your eyes about why he’s avoiding you does the thought come to him like a lightbulb that he should probably spend more time holding you. He’s trying his best though I mean his traumatizing past is all he got sometimes. But he kind of likes it when you cling to him and your crying goes from making him nervous, to making him feel needed and protective.

[thottyimagines]

Top 5 fucked up things that happend in Naruto?

This lived in my drafts for quite a while as I went back and forth with just a top five. I don't think this is in any particular order, because good god these people have suffered. Also, please note that I haven't read or watched Boruto and know nothing about it, so whatever atrocities occur there are mysteries to me.

That time Rin committed suicide by jumping into Kakashi's Chidori, then everyone started calling him Friend Killer Kakashi and even he believes he murdered his teammate in cold blood for the good of the village.

When Minato decided to make his minutes-old son the Kyuubi container and then swiftly leave him as an orphan, and Hiruzen thought the best thing to do would be to let the village terrorize him and leave him without the protection of his powerful, beloved parents' legacies.

Nagato going off the deep end after Yahiko got murdered and deciding to use his dead bestie's body as one of his paths, forcing Konan (who may or may not have been romantically linked with Yahiko, but at the very least was another childhood best friend) to interact with his corpse for years to come as Nagato's real body rotted in the basement.

Orochimaru's whole child experimentation/abduction/murder/body snatching extravaganza is just...horrific. He truly is a plague upon the elemental nations, and I believe if Tobirama were Hokage when Orochimaru started to get weird, he would have been put down like a mad dog. Maybe Minato would have tried to do it had he lived long enough, too.

You can't have a list of fucked up Naruto things without mentioning the obvious Uchiha massacre. Village-sanctioned genocide perpetuated by a 13-year-old family member and his insane cousin masquerading as their equally-insane ancestor is some dark shit, and that's not even getting to the other related factors (re: eyeball snatching, the Sasuke of it all, Divine Intervention via moon goddess planting the seeds of it happening at all).

[sasukeuchiha-24]

Sasuke Curse Mark

[sannin-three]

[mochiajclayne]

the 18+ sannin headcanon that no one asked but have been definitely discussed with my dear friend

Tsunade and Orochimaru ends up as drinking buddies after the war and casually talking about how they drunk fucked in the past and Naruto who happens to join their drinking session is like WHAT. Astonished blond guy seek out Sasuke to tell this story and bond over the trauma when Sasuke says nonchalantly yeah Orochimaru is the type of drunk that brags--I heard that the best head he's ever gotten was from Jiraiya and Naruto is lowkey dying over the fact that the sannin are literally a throuple.

[hana-strange177]

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!!!

[nardo-headcanons]

HI FREN!!! Am here to pick your big brain 🧠 🤗 I had a question about finances?! How much do you think ninjas make for being ninjas, by the time shippuden ends, and how much do you think Naruto as hokage makes 🤔 Sasuke as a missing nin has no money so how do they all pay for stuff?! Thank you for even reading this 🤗🤭🙂❤

*SIGH* Finances in the shinobi world... I have thought about this way too often. It should've been a way bigger part of Naruto's worldbuilding, considering the many money driven motvations we see in the story, but it sadly isn't. For the sake of this post I will convert everything into USD, but feel free to convert that into any currency of your choosing. This will be a mixture of canon and headcanon, you've been warned.

Money in the shinobi world

Let's see what the wiki has to say about money in the shinobi world first.

The ryō (両) is the currency used in the Naruto world. It is based on an old Japanese gold coin that was used in Japan before the Meiji period. It was later replaced by the yen. The exchange rate of 1 ryō is 10 yen. Although money isn't focused on much in the story, certain prices and sums of money have been mentioned. For example, Asuma Sarutobi had a bounty of 35,000,000 ryō (...) The Mujina Bandits made a demand to the Ikkyū Madoka, the daimyō of the Land of Fire, of a ransom of 500,000,000 ryō for the safe return of his son, Tentō Madoka, which Ikkyū had to make preparations to gather.

35,000,000 ryō are about $430,000 while 500,000,000 ryō are about $6.24 million.

Shinobi usually earn their money from completing missions. The rewards for these range from 5,000 ryō for a D-rank mission to more than 1,000,000 ryō for an S-rank mission.

5,000 ryō is about $60, while 1,000,000 ryō equate to about $12,400.

Currency

There are three types of currency in the shinobi world, one being copper coins, the other actual money bills and the last one being gold ingots. Copper coins are the most commonly spent currency, while ingots are the rarest. Bills start from 100 ryō ($1.25) and go up to 10,000 ryō ($125), while there are ingots from 10,000 to 1,000,000 ryō ($12,500).

Pricing

In Naruto Part 1, we see Naruto and Jiraya bump into a man who says his designer jacket is worth 10,000 ryō ($1250), to which Jiraya (who is loaded btw) says that designer jackets of that quality aren't usually "that" expensive. Aside from revealing designer brands exist in the shinobi world, it also implies that the pricing in Naruto isn't comparable to our world, since 1000 dollars for a designer jacket isn't outrageously expensive.

While hubs of economy, the ninja villages are mainly used to produce ninjas and economic growth is not their first priority. Most money is made (and exchanged) in the capital cities of the continent, which is where most of the rich and wealthy live.

I do think there is some basic universal healthcare in the hidden leaf village, however, long term/large scale treatments often have to be paid out of pocket. (ex. Mukai Kohinata, Shisui Uchiha)

Salaries

Given the large majority of missions go along the hokage village and a part of the money is taken by the village and the large position of power that the hokage position provides, it's reasonable to assume the hokage earns quite a lot. My estimate is about 100M ryō, which equates to $1.25M.

The average genin, assumed they do 4 D-Rank missions a week and pays an income tax of 20%, makes about $10,300 anually, most of which will be spent on ninja weapons and training equipment.

Aside from official missions, there are also ways to 'illegally' hire ninja, especially when talking about rogue ninja outside of the village. They are directly payed without paying taxes to their village. Aside from state sponsored killing, there are other missions to do, like transporting intel or other goods, which Sasuke most likely could've done during his time in exile, considering he traveled so much. People with ninja skills are a rarity outside of the ninja villages, so hiring a nukenin to do a job for you is a viable option, at least for more wealthy civilians.

When talking about Sasuke in Orochimaru's hideout, I think he gets an allowance from Oro as well as making money doing "illegal" missions. I think Orochimaru comes from a wealthy family and he makes a lot of money from his lab work and experiments. You can hire him/his men for intel gathering and experiments, as well as medical services if you're a nukenin. Out of the sannin, Oro is probably the richest of the three of them.

[or0ch1maru]

18+, minors, ageless, and troll blogs DNI

just imagine your partner coming home after a particularly bad mission. barely giving you time to acknowledge their presence before they have your face mushed into the carpet. their cock bullying its way into your warm walls. getting lost in the way you squirt against them as they keep up with their relentless pace. groaning as a white ring forms at the base of their dick. their nails leaving crescent shaped marks on your hips from how tightly they’re gripping you. your back so deeply arched that you know you’ll be feeling it tomorrow but not caring as you go drunk on your lovers cock. their signature wolfy grin forming on their face as they watch your eyes roll back and drool pooling on the floor under you..

HIDAN, KAKUZU, KISAME, ZABUZA, JUZO, Itachi, deidara, Sasori, pain, Konan, Orochimaru, Zetsu, Obito, TOJI, SUGURU, SATORU, SUKUNA, Nanami, Shoko, GRIMMJOW, KENPACHI, KID, ZORO, CROCODILE, Mihawk, Buggy, & whoever else..

[liss-art]

From a pic with braids to a comic page in an hour XDD Fluff, parent love, kids, nightmares, soothing. /end of disclaimer/

[bh-52]

What are some of your favorite Akatsuki headcannons?

Deidara personally arranges New Year's fireworks displays while Konan and Sasori handle other decorations for their new year's party, and they all help setting up the Lunar New year's Eve festivities in Amegakure

Offscreen, Konan is the mum of the group.

Tobi has a crush on Konan, and he hates that he does because he thinks he's being disloyal to Rin.

Kakazu's idea of money laundering is literally cleaning his dirty money, especially his coins.

Itachi has a mug declaring himself one of the only two sane Akatsuki members, (Konan has the other), and nobody disputes it.

The Akatsuki has a betting pool about whether Nagato and Konan are directly a couple, or if the Deva path (Yahiko's corpse) is dating her.

Obito sometimes steals Kakashi's Icha Icha collections, and hides them in the Kamui dimension. He also reads them.

Nagato makes Wizard of Oz references when Akatsuki members meet the real him.

Sasori's favourite song is There are no strings on me.

Every Akatsuki member, except Zetsu, Kakazu and Orochimaru, has given Konan valentine's day cards.

In his early days as a member, Itachi would have nightmares, and Konan would take it upon herself to calm him down and comfort him.

Konan's really ticklish.

Hidan, Kakazu, Zetsu & Sasori make horror movies together.

Sasori, Orochimaru & Kakazu were the Akatsuki's official medics.

Hidan is a Jinchuriki for the spirit of Jashin, his immortality being why he was chosen.

Konan wanted to adopt baby Naruto & Fuu, so they could be raised by the Akatsuki. A sentiment a surprising number of members were all for doing.

Orochimaru's favourite Bleach character is Sosuke Aizen.

The Akatsuki invited Zabuza to join, and he told them he'd consider it since he already had Haku to look after.

Hidan wanted to recruit Raiga, but the rest of the Akatsuki rejected the idea faster than Minato using the hiraishin.

Obito (as both Obito and Tobi) tried to win the Dango eating world championship, and lost to Anko Mitarashi both times.

When the group's all together, Itachi's in charge of breakfast, Konan's in charge of lunch and afternoon tea, Kisame's in charge of dinner, and Sasori's in charge of dessert.

Even though he doesn't have taste buds anymore, Sasori still bakes perfectly.

Deidara's favourite song is TNT

[thottyimagines]

Who in Naruto are clap back queens? Like who says the craziest insults and who just stays silent

Clap back queens:

Neji, who delivers reads mercilessly and without prompting no matter who is there to witness it.

Ino can read your mind and knows exactly what to say to make you suffer.

Tobirama spends time practicing arguments with all of his enemies in his head, so he always has something foul to say.

Shikamaru, when angered properly, has a rolodex of hurtful information about his target to pull from and is delighted to do so.

Sasuke says things so out of pocket, he doesn't even know what's going to come out of his mouth next.

Kakuzu is just straight up mean and willing to unleash it on anyone.

Kurenai's favored pastime is psychological warfare.

Orochimaru can send someone to the psych ward with words alone, you know.

Silent sufferers:

Hinata, but her teammates will take vengeance.

Sakura stews and seethes and thinks about all the cool things she could have said well after an altercation happens.

Kakashi can't be bothered to clap back for the most part, but good god, he has the ability to be both mean and insightful ifs he wanted to be.

Hidan splutters wildly when insulted, but doesn't often come up with something particularly clever or cutting.

Gai lets insults and digs fly right over his head as a defense mechanism, so he doesn't have to bother.

Kabuto has gotten pretty used to letting Sasuke's horrible words roll off of him like water off a duck's back.

[spacealligator]

Sannin students success analysis

Tsunade:

Shizune: awesome doctor, often forgotten, kept Tsunade alive for years despite loan sharks going after her as she tried to drink herself to death, assistent to the 5th and 6th Hokages, still alive by the end of the series -> 8/10 because I'm mad she doesn't get any recognition

Sakura: heir of Tsunade's legacy, protagonist's friend, plot armor, did good in the war, got what she wanted and married childhood crush, still alive -> 8/10 because we all know Sakura could be better

Success rate: 100% as in all her students are still alive, but the final rate is 80% because of the patriarchy

Orochimaru:

Anko: cool premise, forgotten character, became a joke in Boruto because she put on weight and apparently that's something to laugh at, but at least she still alive? -> 4/10 I miss cool Anko

Kabuto: the type we love to hate, important to the war because he did a lot of stupid shit, full snake sage, had a cool fight with Itachi and Sasuke giving them some Bonding Time, and is still alive -> 9/10 with 1 point deduction because his motives as a villain during the war don't make sense and he's reformed phase, like Orochimaru's, makes no sense

Sasuke: Naruto's boyfriend -> 10/10 successful student with good plot armor

Success rate: 100% of all students are still alive, 10% deduction because I'm still mad at Anko's (lack of) storyline and 10% deduction because of all the trauma inflicted, making expenses on shrinks for Konoha skyrocket, 80% final score

Jiraiya:

Konan: cool paper jutsu that nobody explains and we just accept it, patience to make 600 billions origami paper bombs, sunhine protector, dead by the end of the anime, very cool fight with Obito and makes him use Izanagi -> 5/10 she still lost though

Yahiko: sunshine smile, mirrors Naruto, super chill, could've been the Kage of Rain Country based on charisma alone, dead by offing himself to save his friends -> 2/10, his body made for a cool Pain though

Nagato: spoke one of Naruto's most recognizable quote, one of the most remembered fights in the anime, made Naruto use 8 tail plus giant toads, two rinnegan, sunshine protector, dead by the end of the anime -> 7/10 one point reduction because he fell for Naruto's blah blah blah no jutsu

Minato: 4th Hokage, father of the protagonist, once killed 1000 shinobi in one go, Kushina's husband, dead before the anime even started -> 6/10 because if you're dead you're not exactely successful

Naruto: the anime is called Naruto -> 11/10 successful student even with dead sensei (RIP Jiraiya)

Success rate: 20% of his students are still alive, 20% bonus because 2 of his stundents became Kage, 10% bonus because Pain is so iconic, 300% bonus because of protagonist plot armor, 350% final score

Source for ratings: voices inside my head

[evartandadam]

Do you know about the 5 love languages? (Quality Time, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Gift Giving and Acts of Service) What is the order of importance for each Akatsuki member? :)

Note: Physical Touch in this is used non-sexually overall. Like hugging, cuddling, forehead kisses, etc

Im color coding, so you can find what you want faster 👍

Sasori: Words of affirmation above all (and intelligent conversation)! I mean, he dislikes attention in general, so it’s hard to imagine him liking much else 😂 If you can think of a gift he would like, he would very much appreciate that. Under specific circumstances, like AUs, Sasori would also love physical touch (canon 35 year old Sasori really has no interest in relationships in general). He would find acts of service demeaning- he can do it all himself, and in his mind, better. He likes quality time, but also disappears for days on end working on his corpse puppets or killing people to make them into corpse puppets 😍 You gotta be cool with that and tell him they’re awesome.

Deidara: Physical touch, words of affirmation, and quality time- he is literally a princess and requires constant attention 😂 There aren’t many services he would expect from you, he just wants you to tell him he’s amazing and rub his back for hours (maybe that’s the act of service lol). He also would love gifts, and definitely enjoys giving them! Very easy to please and validate!

Hidan: Words of affirmation and quality time! He is a dog! He loves physical touch too, but feels religious guilt for it 😂 His religion is founded on worshipping destruction, and I think love and sex are the opposite of that and frowned upon. Hidan wouldn’t appreciate a nice gift enough, so don’t waste your time (unless it’s a trip to the hot springs or pomade). He would appreciate an act of service like cooking meat for him, or converting, so he doesn’t have to kill you 👍

Kakuzu: Acts of service and, if he trusts you, physical touch (he is very deprived of real affection and would dislike it initially). Kakuzu would also appreciate the gift of a good book! He does not require a lot of attention to maintain his interest if you got him, and though quality time is nice, it isn’t something he values much (once a month lol). He values intellectual conversation more than actual affirmation. Note, a hookup with Kakuzu is easy, and I’m referring to vulnerable physical affection, like snuggling.

Itachi: Gifts, quality time, and lastly, physical touch- he will feel more comfortable receiving physical affection after you spend lots of time convincing him he deserves it. Words of affirmation must be used in small doses or he will reject them. He would like giving gifts more than receiving them, same with acts of service. He is emotionally sensitive and considerate, so he will mirror what you give him and more.

Kisame: Quality time and physical touch. Kisame is a good boyfriend who is generally content and if you’re just nice to him, he’ll be ecstatic. Like Itachi, he might need some small doses of words of affirmation before accepting them as truth. Expect lots of bear hugs and being carried around! The only gifts he cares about are good food, and time with you! He expects no acts of service, but would appreciate you caring for him- all of these people have had hard lives and are comfortable doing everything themselves.

Konan: Gifts and acts of service. Physical touch is earned with her. She is a queen, so she already has whatever she wants, so sentimental gifts are best (but she would love designer). Honestly, she would care more about acts of service you offer to others more than herself. She is attracted to people who display character. Quality time is also nice, but not the top. You have to be good in bed to date her, and she likes giving caring touch to her partners, as well as receiving it. Words of affirmation are appreciated, but don’t overdue it. She’s heard it all, and likes action more than talking.

Nagato: Words of affirmation and quality time. Nagato has a god complex, so just nod and agree with whatever he says, and he will feel so valued 😂 He will shower you with gifts, but won’t expect any in return. Like Sasori and Kakuzu, intelligent conversation is also the key to his heart. Nagato would also value acts of service towards his people. Acts of service involving himself would make him feel guilty. If we are going for sickly Nagato, he would struggle with physical touch at first, but accept it gladly after you gain his trust.

Obito: Words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service . Also has a god complex, so just tell him whatever he wants to hear and treat him like a king. Before he went nuts, he was a golden retriever, so he probably loves head scratches and tenderness. A good gift might make him giddy as well. Quality time is not his top, cause he’s too busy trying to plan mass genocide, but of course you will have endless time together in the infinite tsukuyomi, so no worries! I’m throwing shade cause he would be a taker instead of a giver 🤪

Orochimaru: Gifts, of course! Weird taxidermy, expensive wine, statues of snakes for his lair, live snakes, stolen research, etc. You will be favored if you give lots of words of affirmation. He has no time for quality time, and you will always be sad and lonely while he experiments on children. He doesn’t feel like the type care much about physical touch, but acts of service are great!

Zetsu: Gifts (corpses of course!) Quality time feels like a favorite of theirs, they seem content to sit around and chill. Don’t be surprised if they kill you, they aren’t quite human anyway. Acts of service are also appreciated! Perhaps some gossip? Zetsu doesn’t seem like the type to value words of affirmation too much (especially Black Zetsu), and hcs for physical touch can go opposite directions.