#out of a sense of self-hatred and self-preservation AND also just because he's extremely thoughtful in a way joe isn't

[westmeath]

Excerpt on Midnight Cowboy from an interview with John Schlesinger in Literature/Film Quarterly, 1978:

Riley: When I've shown the film to students, they have very mixed feelings about the ending. How do you see that? What is that moment to Joe? Is it affirmative, or is it despairing?

Schlesinger: I don't see it as a despairing ending. I feel that it's a catharsis to the whole film. It's a catharsis of a boy who has been lost and who has these strange memories of being picked out for sexual prowess and how important that seemed to him. He has this whole experience of going to New York and finding that the fantasy is total bullshit and that the reality of life there is one of eking out some kind of existence, and then he finds the relationship that he strikes up with Ratso. Some people have said it's a homosexual relationship, but it really isn't per se. It's about the need of one human being for another. I daresay that Ratso- if anybody had found him attractive, man, woman, or dog- would have been anxious to express it physically perhaps. That's why he was so hostile towards it all. But I think that having made a commitment to Ratso, Joe realized the whole ludicrousness of the situation. On the bus he ruminates about the possibilities of what he's going to do, and I think in the back of his mind his taking Ratso to Miami is a kind of gesture. I think he knows it's hopeless. That's what I remember discussing with Jon Voight, that Joe knows they aren't going there for a life together in the future. He knows that Ratso's probably not going to survive the journey. At the end when he sits there with Ratso, I don't think Joe's saying, "Now what am I going to do? I'm lost." I think he's already released himself from the fantasy, he already knows that he's going to be okay.

It certainly never struck me as we were doing it that we were making something that was meant to send the audience out in deep depression feeling that Joe Buck is totally lost, because I don't think he is.

Riley: As a matter of fact, he's saved.

Schlesinger: Yes, and I think he's saved by that relationship, by discovering something about the possibilities of a human relationship in the midst of this very unlikely one. That's exactly what attracted me to the material.

[comshipbracket]

Antis DNI

Propaganda for both ships provided under the cut

Hayniss (Age Gap - Ages not provided)

"These two are kindred spirits. They both survived the games using their wits and then cope with the aftermath using their hardened hearts.

This ship is tragic because not only is it questionable to society due to the age gap and dynamics, but they also could never be together because Katniss is forced into a fabricated relationship with another victor of the games, Peeta, for the sake of preserving the Capitol's image in allowing the two of them to survive the games.

You see, Peeta and Katniss have to portray their refusal to kill each other as an act of love rather than the act of defiance it really was. Meanwhile, Haymitch, as Katniss' (and Peeta's) mentor, has to be one of ones orchestrating said romance behind the scenes as part of what is essentially her PR team.

Haymitch has to instruct Katniss, this cold hearted and brash girl who warmed his soul and reminded him of who the real enemy is, on how exactly to convince others she's in love with someone who isn't him. I think this is all also poetic and tragic in a sense, as she's the first tribute he really tried to help win the games in a long time. He sees himself in her, he's protective of her, and you can't tell me he doesn't love her."

SeymourxTwoey Propaganda (Species Difference, Abusive Dynamic)

"Twoey is the least interesting part of the movie in canon for me, but I find him much more interesting when I think of him/write him as simultaneously being a voice in Seymour's head, a physical manifestation of his intrusive thoughts/mental health struggles, and an independently alive/conscious, mute alien plant. This way of conceptualizing him is weird and contradictory by design, partially because it makes him and his dynamic with Seymour interesting and complicated and partially because it raises questions as to where he ends and Seymour begins and just generally adds a lot of weight and edge to Seymour's self doubt/loathing, which is his fatal flaw in my rewrite where one of the changes is that Seymour is a tragic Shakespearean hero. Most of my specific thoughts on this ship don't make sense without the context of my rewrite, but I like the ideas of Seymour literally getting screwed by the physical manifestation of his mental health issues (which he is consenting to due to his drive to torture himself/self hatred manifesting in this case as psuedo-sexual attraction towards a being that is manipulating/abusing him, has the potential to cause him great physical harm/pain, and is named after/heavily associated with his crush), having a sexual relationship with a being that he has a sort-of father-son dynamic with when he himself was abused by his sort-of father, and 'accusing' (in quotes because he isn't actually mad at her and doesn't think she did anything morally wrong, he also doesn't communicate with her about this because he's terrible at communicating with her) Audrey of seeking out abusive guys when he is literally doing that. Technically the version of Seymour x Audrey in my rewrite is extremely comship as well, but it's not in canon, and Seymour x Twoey is also fun, so I'm submitting it even though the Little Shop fandom has like five people in it and most of them don't even like Seymour x Twoey."

[shihalyfie]

A guide to the 02 kids’ personalities and overall demeanors

I’ve already covered the deeper details of each 02 kid’s character arc and development throughout the series, but I figured I might dedicate a more specific post about the complexities of their outer personalities, and their behavior patterns on a day-to-day basis. 02 is the kind of series that doesn’t really spell out what the characters tend to do or don’t tend to do, or what boundaries they will and won’t cross, which means it can be a bit of a challenging task to track their behavior over fifty episodes and figure out the patterns. Fortunately, these characters are written remarkably consistently over said episodes, so we have a lot to work with!

Disclaimer before we continue: In general, all of my 02-based meta is specifically written for the Japanese version in mind, but this especially applies to this one, because the majority of the nuances of the demeanor and personality traits described below were not retained in the American English dub at all (please see this post for more detail). As a result, please understand that if you’re working from the perspective of having only seen that dub, and the contents of the below post sound completely different, that would be why.

Daisuke and V-mon

Believe it or not, I would say that Daisuke is actually the most difficult to nail the nuances of out of this entire cast. This is probably a really weird thing to hear when the usual fandom mantra is that he’s “flat” or “lacking in development”, but I think the deceptive part is that while he’s simple-minded and himself doesn’t think in complex terms, analyzing his behavior as a whole and how he approaches things actually involves a lot of very delicate balances, and getting that exactly right can be very easy to mess up. Daisuke’s not a rude jerk who looks down on anyone, not in the slightest -- but he’s also not a saint who can do no wrong, either!

I think the easiest analogy (which I’ve brought up several times on this blog already) is that Daisuke is like a puppy, but not just any puppy -- a tiny puppy that barks very loudly at anything it perceives as threatening (regardless of whether it’s actually threatening), makes its feelings very clear with obvious likes and dislikes, and can do some phenomenally stupid things in a bid to please others, but in the end means no malice and only wants you to be happy.

This is to the point where I’m just going to have to bullet-point this, because there’s so much going on at once:

Excessively emotional: One of Daisuke’s earliest profiles refers to him as having “an excessively large range of human emotions”, and really, a lot of the humor surrounding him has to do with the fact he has incredibly dramatic, overblown reactions to nearly everything around him. So if he gets a little annoyed or suspicious of people making fun of him, he tends to get really dramatic about being upset, and when he experiences only a minor setback, he acts like it’s the end of the world, and when he’s emotionally hurt, he sometimes even gets set on the verge of crying (you can especially hear this in Kiuchi Reiko’s delivery). Even Daisuke himself doesn’t tend to get caught up in it for too long and gets over things surprisingly quickly, so you can take it as him just constantly being too wrapped up in the mood -- but when it really is a serious situation, he gets truly emotionally invested in it, too.

Too easy to read: Because Daisuke wears his heart on his sleeve and is dramatic about everything, he’s awful at hiding anything. Any attempt at trickery or trying to disguise his intentions quickly blows up in his face because he’s too simple-minded and too transparent.

Not malicious: Daisuke only ever lashes out or gets angry at others when he thinks others are doing something he disapproves of, or when he thinks he’s being attacked; he’s very warm and kind to everyone otherwise (even in the earliest parts of the series, when he’s at his roughest, you might notice he’s very soft around Chibimon, as if understanding that his partner is now in a very small and delicate form and needs to be treated accordingly). In other words, Daisuke is very quick to get defensive, but he has no malice or reason to be condescending towards anyone otherwise, and he’s perfectly friendly with people even when they’d provoked him earlier (because he doesn’t really hold grudges). He doesn’t attack people without reason; even when he voices dissent against what someone is doing, he very rarely, if ever, insults a person or their character directly. Even when he’s trying to state his opinions (such as when he bids for the others to accept Ken), he never forces them down others’ throats and accepts that they disagree with him, even if he’s clearly not happy with their disagreement.

Easily critical and suspicious: Daisuke is a very bluntly straightforward and honest person, and he seems to get most set off by people who act suspicious; note how his early-series outbursts towards Takeru tend to be when Takeru’s acting evasive, and in Hurricane Touchdown, he catches onto Wallace’s shady behavior even before he starts flirting with Miyako (Daisuke’s own method of trying to seem attractive to others involves just “doing something cool and hoping it’ll impress others”, so he seems to dislike the concept of flirting as a whole). Because of that, he catches easily onto “things looking off”, so he tends to call it out (even if sometimes he’s overdoing it and there isn’t actually anything significant to be upset about).

Supportive and adoring of others: Other than the moments when he gets set off, fundamentally speaking, Daisuke likes other people, is perfectly willing to acknowledge them or heap praise on them when they do something awesome, and generally cares for their well-being. He’s easily defers to others when he understands they’re better than him at something, and he even has a decently realistic scope of his limits (see how he’s perfectly aware he’s likely to lose the soccer game in 02 episode 8, and figures he might as well enjoy the experience). This is even taken to its logical conclusion in the Kizuna drama CD when he “credits” his friends for giving him amazing and insightful advice when all of it was actually pretty ordinary stuff they’d done offhandedly. It also means that, given his penchant for getting emotionally invested in everything, he has a huge emotional stake in making sure his friends are doing okay, and supports them accordingly.

Deferential to seniors/elders: Tying into the above, you may notice that Daisuke takes a properly respectful and soft tone towards his elders and seniors in nearly all occasions, even to the point of occasionally using proper polite-form language around them. All things considered, Daisuke is a pretty well-behaved kid.

Constantly getting strung around: As much as Daisuke looks like he’s aggressive, in actuality, it’s very easy to get him to back down if you argue against him strongly enough, and since he has such a “the heck is that?!” attitude all of the time, you can see him constantly getting strung around and at the mercy of things happening around him. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have enough will to put his foot down when it becomes a really important subject (especially in the second half of the series), but it’s very often when he’ll be talked down by others around him and shrink with an “oh...okay...” In fact, this is why a lot of his actions aren’t nearly as reckless as they might be otherwise; as much as he’s a bit hot-headed and likes to lead the attack, he also has a sense of self-preservation and intimidation when things look a bit too dangerous, and will only push forward in such a case when there’s something he really believes in at the other side of it.

Lacking in self-awareness and insecure as a result: While Daisuke doesn’t have any signs of persistent self-hatred (on the contrary, there are times he arguably comes off as overconfident), it also seems that he has practically zero awareness of how he himself is doing -- which means that he ends up rolling over like an idiot trying to get others’ approval and trying to impress them, even when it’d be clear to anyone else that he already has that approval. This also likely ties into the fact that he’s perfectly capable of acknowledging others’ accomplishments and skills (see above), so you might even think that the problem isn’t so much that he thinks he’s bad as much as he keeps comparing himself to people he perceives as being that much more awesome. (Perhaps symbolic of this, he apparently has a complex over being shorter than Takeru and Ken, despite the fact that he seems to be of perfectly average height for a kid his age.) It seems that his only bar for how he’s doing is dependent on everyone’s reactions around him, hence why his ridiculous antics are significantly less pronounced when he has proper emotional support and friends to keep him in check. It’s also important to consider that this applies to his apparent crush on Hikari as well; his crush mainly manifests in wanting her approval very badly, and it’s mostly visible in terms of him losing a ton of brain cells in her presence and bending over backwards to please her or impress her. He never actually says in words that he’s interested in her, nor does he ever show signs of intending to seriously ask her out, so it’s something that’s only apparent because of this behavior, and it’s very likely he hasn’t even seriously thought through what would happen if she actually accepted him in return. You can basically see this as an extreme version of the way Daisuke tries to get approval from everyone else, and this trait of his noticeably dies down whenever there’s more important things at hand, or when he seems to be in the midst of getting proper validation from those around him.

Simple-minded and pragmatic: What’s usually referred to as Daisuke being an “idiot” comes from the fact he doesn’t play well with complex thinking, tends to settle for very simple explanations or answers, and more thoughtful types like Ken or Iori will often have to fill that part in for him. However, because Daisuke is so simple-minded, he’s sometimes the most pragmatic person in the group, because he doesn’t overthink things or get principles of theory caught up into everything. So if Ken is clearly not showing any indication of doing bad things anymore and is actively working to help, Daisuke believes he should be allowed to help regardless of what he’d done in the past, and if they’re dealing with the situation of potentially having to kill a living enemy, Daisuke points out that hesitation would have resulted in even more casualties. In essence, in a situation where everyone’s running mental loop-de-loops, Daisuke will usually be the first one to snap them all out of it and go “uh? Guys?” Moreover, this trait of his makes him very good at spotting glaring threads or asking questions about the elephant in the room, because since he works best with things that are right in front of him, he can’t not notice it.

Enjoys the little things: Because Daisuke is so simple-minded, it’s very easy to please him (this is why his chosen career path is something as simple as ramen making). Daisuke likes his friends, and appreciates even simple things around him, so he’s happy with even simple pieces of happiness -- hence, why he’s fine with potentially losing the soccer game in 02 episode 8, because he’s ready to simply just savor the experience of getting to play against a respectable and formidable opponent.

Note that the main reason Daisuke never seems to bring up any of these issues with himself within the series proper is simply that he doesn’t seem to be aware of them -- he’s too simple-minded to understand what’s going on with his own behavior in depth, and hence, this is how he can say he’s not worried about too much by the time of 02′s finale, especially since by that point he has a proper support group that’s already helping him deal with most of his issues anyway.

Daisuke also has the roughest speech pattern out of any of the 02 group (similar to Taichi and Yamato in Adventure); he has a tendency to shorten words a lot and use “rough” variants of words (for example “-nee” instead of “-nai”).

Mischievous, friendly, and playful, V-mon is pointed out even by official sources to be much like his partner (far more so than usual), and it’s likely a byproduct of the fact that Daisuke himself is very honest and straightforward about his emotions and thoughts, and so since he has nothing to hide, V-mon is pretty much exactly like him -- with the major difference being that he’s a little more outwardly friendly and less likely to lash out angrily. So he’s effectively Daisuke without that very thin abrasive exterior, and because both of them are so like-minded and friendly, they get along extremely well (albeit with quite a bit of comfortable bantering on the way there).

Ken and Wormmon

Ken is the more intellectual type that Daisuke isn’t, and even after his stint as the Kaiser, it’s clear that he’s still quite studious and naturally interested in studying things. Looking closely at his style of dress and way of carrying himself (note how he lays down his chopsticks in 02 episode 36) indicates he’s also a rather tidy person in general. Being someone who’s capable of thinking things thoroughly, this makes him able to have a lot of deep insight into both intellectual and emotional issues, but because he takes things too seriously sometimes, he can sometimes come off as a bit overly stickler or insistent (note Daisuke and Ken’s Shopping Carol, where he subjects Daisuke to a long-winded lecture about the history of Christmas, because, really, he’s a nerd), or lead himself down the wrong direction when he’s having a hard time being straightforward (such as when he comes up with some very flimsy theories about why Jogress might be dangerous in 02 episode 28).

In fact, Ken’s disposition could be considered to be the opposite of Daisuke’s in many ways; while Ken is much softer and more conciliatory on the surface, he’s actually much more assertive and strong-willed by default, and it’s made clear that, even after his reformation from the Kaiser persona, he could still be vicious if he wanted to, he just doesn’t enjoy it because he doesn’t like it and it goes against his belief system (note that he even offered to "dirty his own hands" in lieu of the other kids if push came to shove and Archnemon had to be killed in 02 episode 29, even though he clearly wasn't enthusiastic about the idea). In fact, he has a very strong sense of responsibility and believes heavily in making up for what he’s done -- recall that 02 episodes 26 and 49 involved snapping him out of it by reminding him that there were things that needed to be done, and that he himself still had many things he wanted to do that wouldn’t be addressed if he’d stayed fixated on his past. Thus, Ken doesn’t deny nor avoid anything he’d done, and he isn’t even all that prone to self-pity -- it’s just that his tendency to put too much responsibility on himself means that he also takes a while to accept everyone’s support, too, because he doesn’t like the idea of putting burdens on others.

Because Ken is actually one of the more straightforward people in this group and a fairly honest person (at least, as long as he’s not lying to himself), he might hold himself back a little bit in order to not be rude, but he doesn’t do it nearly to the same degree Takeru or Hikari would and is much more willing to speak his mind when he has an opinion he wants to voice or needs to sort out his thoughts on something. Conversely, he’s not nearly as cold as Iori can get when criticizing things (he’ll certainly be firm, but not as incisive). Most post-02 materials also indicate that he’s not above being a tease or even a little mischievous (see Armor Evolution to the Unknown, Diablomon Strikes Back, Daisuke and Ken’s Shopping Carol).

Ken uses a speech pattern that’s slightly more casual than Takeru’s, but not nearly as rough as Daisuke’s. While anime will often have speech patterns substantially change between different personas of a character, other than Park Romi’s delivery of a more condescending tone for the Kaiser and a significantly softer one for Ken, nothing about his speech pattern is substantially different between the two personas (not even the first-person pronoun), indicating that, in the end, they’re really the same person after all, just manifesting the same personality traits in different ways.

Wormmon is affectionate and clingy, unfailingly loyal to Ken, and his biggest advocate during a time when Ken is trying to relearn how to love and accept himself -- meaning that he ends up very important to providing Ken the initial support he needed before Ken allowed other friends into his life. Wormmon isn’t all nothing but clinginess, though -- he has some insight about the weight of his experiences when prompted (02 episode 46), and in fact is more than capable of calling out Ken’s behavior when he’s being unreasonable or throwing himself into denial (see 02 episodes 27, 30, and 49).

Miyako and Hawkmon

Miyako approaches everything she likes with an attitude that makes her come off as constantly having bubbles and hearts around her. When she likes something, she says so. When she doesn’t like something, she says so (and she will go off when she’s on a roll; see 02 episode 14). In fact, part of the reason she so infamously voices her opinion on people being cute is, quite simply, that it’s her honest opinion. (Note that she never actually tries to ask them out or anything -- she just wants to make it very clear that they’re attractive.)

For the most part, she adores the people around her, and, like the others in the 02 group, she’s perfectly respectful towards elders.  She also loves poking her nose in others’ business and trying to be as helpful as possible, which is good in that she ends up being a huge help to others, but also not good in that sometimes she overdoes it a bit (when Hikari calls her out for being a “handful” in 02 episode 31, the word she uses is one that literally means "a little too overly involved in others' business").

Miyako is the one who gets everyone up in high spirits by being cheerful, and whose cheer rubs off on everyone else around her (see her cheerfully leading the charge into the Digital World with her “Digital Gate, open! Chosen Children, let’s roll!” catchphrase). This is something the rest of the group catches onto very quickly, asking her to supply the “usual cheer”, and the later episodes of the series especially drive home the fact that her presence and antics bring happiness to those around her.

Miyako has a similar “chaotic, sloppy, and straightforward” demeanor to Daisuke, but there are some key differences. Unlike Daisuke, who’s bluntly honest about his opinions mainly because he doesn’t really hide things in general, Miyako’s opinions will be out of her mouth before she can control it. In other words, she has a nasty case of foot-in-mouth syndrome. In addition, while Daisuke tends to have a very thin skin and lashes out defensively out of instinct, Miyako takes things much more at face value and doesn’t blow a fuse nearly as easily, but because she’s significantly more assertive and aggressive, she’s much more prone to doing what she wants on her own whims instead of backing down to anyone. In fact, Miyako is significantly more emotionally sensitive in the long run, so while Daisuke tends to blow a fuse more easily, he’s also able to shrug it off and move on more quickly, whereas Miyako has a thicker skin, but when she does take emotional pain, she takes it much more deeply and harshly. She also tends to get overwhelmed easily by stress and panic, which makes her one of the more prone to running around in circles and doing frantic things in the midst of it.

One thing you might notice about Miyako is that she’s actually more critical of herself than anyone else in the group is; most of the time they act with mild exasperation at her antics but don’t tend to criticize her directly, whereas Miyako is very aware of her own shortcomings and is constantly either criticizing herself or comparing herself negatively to others (see: 02 episodes 10, 14, 18, and 31 especially). If she slips up and does something that stepped on someone else’s toes, it doesn’t take her long to realize that she’s messed up and want to do better. So while she generally tends to act the most in-your-face and aggressive, she also doesn’t necessarily want to be this way, and suffers from self-confidence issues and a poor opinion of herself.

Miyako uses a feminine speech pattern that’s a bit more casual than Hikari’s (she noticeably is willing to use the word anta for “you”, which has a bit of a connotation of being abrupt and in-your-face, especially with Daisuke). She’s also the most likely to physically manhandle things, both in the affectionate (hugging people) and aggressive (grabbing things and jumping on them in order to attack) senses.

Hawkmon is repeatedly referred to as being like Miyako’s “knight”, since he has absolute loyalty to her (in spite of her ridiculous antics often meaning he gets strung around by her) and is effectively in charge of minding her so she doesn’t get too out of control. While his overly polite and gentlemanly demeanor initially seems like a sharp contrast to Miyako’s aggressive and messy personality, you might also notice that, at their cores, the two aren’t all that different -- both are unfailingly loyal to others, and both also have a penchant for dramatic theatrics and being a bit overly proud of themselves.

Iori and Armadimon

The key thing to know about Iori is that he’s not stoic because he’s not feeling fervent emotions, but rather because he’s constantly holding them back (this is especially apparent if you look carefully at his facial expressions and Urawa Megumi’s delivery, where you can tell his facade is often “slipping” even when his words would indicate otherwise). Since Iori is trying to live by the ideal of being a model citizen, especially under the very formal environment he was raised in, he comes off as mature for his age, but it’s very important to not forget that, underneath all that, he’s still an impressionable nine-year-old child with the wide range of emotions and immaturity of one, and when he does emotionally fall apart, everything tends to burst out (see 02 episodes 16, 44, 47, 50). In addition, Iori is never condescending about the fact he usually acts more mature than the others; the impression is that he’s much more strict with himself than he is with others, and in fact still does look up to his elders in the 02 group even when they’re obviously a lot messier than he is.

The “need to be a model citizen” is something looming over Iori’s head at almost every moment, and it’s the easiest way to understand the way he acts in a nutshell. Iori is focused on the idea of “becoming a proper adult”, which means that he’s adhering to all of these principles because he feels they’re necessary to live a proper and honest life as per the formal manners that his family background trained him into. But like a young child who insists “you have to do this because those are the rules!” all of the time, Iori is over-applying all of this, and even his own grandfather advises him that he really needs to chill (02 episodes 5, 24). In short, he struggles with thinking flexibly and understanding that life isn’t all that clear-cut, because he’s a young child. Since he also tends to bring out these things in relation to “what my father would do/say”, it’s implied that he’s basing all of this off of having only hearsay to work off of in regards to what his father was actually like, to the point of aspiring to an impossible, saintlike version of him he’d created in his head.

Note that Iori’s “rules” have less to do with institutional rules (that would be more of a Jou thing) and more to do with self-imposed personal rules; for instance, he doesn’t mind sneaking into school during a holiday when it’s obviously not hurting anyone (02 episode 6), but he struggles with things like wasting food (02 episode 3) or not formally introducing himself to an elder (02 episode 5). So in other words, his adherence to principles has heavily to do with “the right and proper way to live” more than anything, and what he believes is the right thing to do in a given situation.

Iori’s journey in 02 is largely fueled by the fact that, as an inheritor of sorts of the Crest of Knowledge, he has a sense of “I want to know and understand more” whenever he sees something that makes him curious, but unlike Koushirou’s desire to learn more about the world around him in terms of its technical workings, Iori mainly wants to know more about people. The reason he begins to let go of his inflexible mindset is that he has the humility to understand that he still has a lot more to learn and understand, and when he sees behavior from others that doesn’t make sense, he does his best to learn more about it -- hence how his aggressive probing into learning more about Takeru allows them to reach an understanding and eventual Jogress, and how he’s able to eventually reassess his own view of human morality and emotions.

Iori sticks out in that he almost always uses the formal variant of Japanese in most situations (nobody else in the 02 group does this). However, formal in this situation doesn’t necessarily mean polite; Iori doesn’t believe in flattery and will bluntly state his opinion in said formal tone, and will be very cold towards something he sufficiently disapproves of or doesn’t have any respect for, which can make him even come off as passive-aggressive at times. (Noticeably, while he still asserts his own opinion, he does refrain from criticizing the others in the 02 group too much, presumably because he respects and looks up to them a lot as his elders, regardless of how chaotic they can sometimes get.) In addition, because a lot of his demeanor comes from him restraining himself, when his emotions are sufficiently pushed over the edge, he loses grip on the polite form and starts “lapsing” back into the casual one.

Because Iori was so young during 02, and because the events of its story ended up really upending his view of the world, the huge eight-year gap between 02 and Kizuna makes it difficult to predict certain things about his demeanor at the time of Kizuna (especially since his own voice actor commented on the difficulty of conveying the nuances of Iori’s character, thanks to only being able to work with the limited time frame of a movie that doesn’t put him in the kinds of emotionally drastic situations that push him to his limit). That said, everything we’ve seen of him in the movie itself and the drama CD makes reasonable sense; now that he’s much older, he comes off as having much better restraint on his emotions and coming off as genuinely calm, but he’s still not one for flattery, and you can still see very minor slips in his facade every so often.

Armadimon also initially seems like a sharp contrast to Iori in terms of demeanor, in that he’s much more casual and laid-back, and he’s indeed a huge factor in reminding Iori to chill once in a while -- but, much like Iori, he prods and asks questions about anything he’s curious about. This initially seems to be out of simple-mindedness because, being a Digimon, he doesn’t understand human society that well, but his very basic questions often end up snapping Iori back to reality in realizing that he’s getting hung up on things that don’t actually make practical sense. Urawa also felt that Armadimon fills in some of the void that Iori’s late father left behind, in that he provides Iori with unconditional love and helps guide him.

Takeru and Patamon

Takeru is the kind of person who seems to dislike major disruptions to the status quo, so he doesn’t say anything inflammatory that’ll rock the boat. It’s very difficult to get him to talk about serious topics related to his deeper personal feelings (02 episode 17, 35, Spring 2003), and even when it’s clear he might have more misgivings on the situation, unless it’s an urgent situation where it needs to be brought up, he won’t voice his misgivings too clearly for the sake of not causing trouble (hence why Daisuke is so unsure what to make of him in the early episodes of the series, because Takeru constantly fails to clarify his own position in favor of a “good for you” or “sure, you keep believing that if you want” attitude). This also makes him the most likely to awkwardly change the subject or try to distract with small talk, and it means that, even when he’s saying cheerful, pleasant things, it’s very likely there’s pain or uncertainty under that initial facade. (Note that while his suspicions of Ken during 02 episodes 25 and 27 aren't nearly as vicious as Iori's turn out to be, we learn that he's still willing to quietly accuse Ken of working for his own self-satisfaction in the latter episode, but he never brings this up to anyone but himself.)

Because Takeru isn’t  necessarily doing this to be consciously dishonest, it does mean that he also has positive applications of this tendency to take everything in stride and keep the peace, because he ends up keeping the more extreme personalities in the rest of the group in line and acts as an effective mediator. You could say that he has a pretty high amount of tolerance and a capacity for taking everyone’s points of view in mind. However, since it’s also very difficult to tell what he himself is thinking, his use of this as a poor coping mechanism for his personal trauma leads to a tendency for him to suddenly explode in a mess of emotions whenever something gets too personal, leading to sudden conflict, and with others at a loss in terms of how to deal with him (the most extreme example being 02 episode 19, but also present in 13, 11, and 34). This “two-sidedness” is why it ends up having to be the more consciously methodical Iori who steps up to try and understand him better as his Jogress partner.

Fortunately, Takeru shows signs of becoming more straightforward in the aftermath, although you can see that he still has a penchant for mild flattery and “trying to hold back for the sake of not being rude” all the way up to Kizuna (but, again, this can’t be said to necessarily be a bad thing when it means he has a valuable skill as a mediator).

Takeru has a fairly neutral speech pattern that comes off as casual but not too aggressive or assertive (not as absurdly polite as Iori’s, but slightly less assertive than Ken’s).

Patamon initially still seems to be “immature” in the same way he was in Adventure, which initially seems to widen the gap in personality between him and Takeru, but looking closer reveals that the differences aren’t as big as they seem; Patamon seems to have gained a capability for slyness and active trolling behind his playfulness (see 02 episode 7), not entirely like Takeru starting to use his evasiveness in a teasing-like manner. Moreover, Patamon does actually seem to have gained a bit of proper maturity in the meantime; see how he instructs the Baby Digimon on convenience store food in 02 episode 3, and in general seems much more willing to take independent action in ways he didn’t always in Adventure. Noticeably, Takeru’s difficulty with his own convoluted feelings means that he can’t even have a proper heart-to-heart with him about it on the situation (most glaring in 02 episode 34, where it’s implied that Takeru would rather leave Patamon to be happy right now instead of bothering him about it), especially because he’s clearly having difficulty even working it out with himself. However, despite their ostensible differences in mentality, Takeru and Patamon have no difficulty getting along at all in 02, and, other than Takeru pampering Patamon a bit, there isn’t all that strong of an impression of them being so mismatched -- perhaps because, in the end, they really aren’t all that different.

Hikari and Tailmon

Taichi stated in Adventure episode 48 that Hikari has a problem where she's so selfless and thinking of others that she'll never speak up about her own problems. Hikari states in 02 episode 31 that she compulsively cannot speak out about her own feelings even if she wanted to, to the point she’s jealous of Miyako for being able to be more open (even if it means being overkill at times). As a result: if Hikari’s talking about “the right thing to do”, or something for everyone’s sake, or something that’s relevant to other people and what’s best for them, she will be extremely vocal and quick to act, and she’s not above even chipping in with criticisms (see: 02 episodes 19, 32, 44). In fact, she’s fully capable of being playful or toying with others if she really wants to (see how she casually manipulates Daisuke into calling a lunch break for everyone in 02 episode 6).

The moment the issue at hand is about herself, though -- her own feelings or pain, or something that might hurt others’ feelings (hence the presumable reason she dodges Daisuke’s affections rather than proactively doing anything about it), or something that would put a burden on others for her own sake -- she completely clams up and refuses to do or say anything, and when bad things start happening to her, she resigns herself to her own fate and concludes she can’t do anything about it. Hence, why she takes such a defeatist attitude towards the Dark Ocean swallowing her up in 02 episodes 13 and 31, and why it’s such a big deal if she even so much as asks for help. 02 episode 31 indicates that Miyako reaching out to her is an important step in breaking her out of her shell, and the Kizuna drama CD -- which has Hikari assertively declare something she personally wants -- heavily implies further that Miyako was instrumental to this becoming possible.

Hikari is compassionate for others to the very end, expresses pity for BlackWarGreymon as early as 02 episode 31, and catches on quickly to Ken’s feelings on himself in 02 episode 37 (and even back when she’d been more skeptical about him in 02 episode 25, she never seemed to have real personal distaste against him as much as she still wanted to make sure he was trustworthy first). But although she’s one of the most compassionate in the group, she’s also one of the most assertive in the group. This leads to something that initially seems like a paradox: she’s actually more fervent about the need to fight than the more aggressive Miyako is. Miyako is, ultimately, emotionally caught up in everything and briefly falls apart at having killed LadyDevimon in 02 episode 44 (even despite knowing how horrible of a person she’d been), but Hikari is the one who points out that there would have been more victims if they hadn’t. 02 episodes 25 and 43 had made it abundantly clear that Hikari didn’t like it at all, but she states in 02 episode 37 repeatedly that they need to prevent there from being victims -- meaning that she values the importance of protecting all lives, including those who would be hurt in the process, and thus has some of the more resilient guts when it comes to the prospect of fighting to save others. Again, her hesitation only comes into play at its worst when it has to do with herself; working to save others is a no-brainer.

Hikari uses a casual feminine speech pattern that’s less in-your-face than Miyako’s, but she’s still a bit more casual than she was in Adventure, when she used the more polite watashi instead of atashi. Interestingly, Tailmon herself seems to have mirrored this as well, presumably because now that she’s had more time to recover from her miserable life under Vamdemon, she’s able to enjoy her life a bit more freely. This means that, while Tailmon is still the most mature and put-together of the Digimon partners in the 02 group, she sometimes acts a little more casual and playful in a similar way to Hikari, and while she has a certain degree of stuffy personal pride (see how she wasn’t very amused at how frivolously the other Digimon were playing around in 02 episode 3), she’s still open to enjoying herself a little more freely. Hikari, for her part, becomes surprisingly like-minded with her during those times -- see them in 02 episode 12 -- and, as stated earlier, it’s not like Hikari isn’t up for making tough decisions when they’re needed, either.

[pulaasul]

Harry Potter and the Dying Will Flames

Harry discovered things about himself, about his aunt’s family, and about the world. Harry Potter discovered the Dying Will Flames and this has changed everything within the Wizarding World.

FFN I Ao3

---------

It all started when Harry was on his second encounter with his parents' killer, Lord Voldemort. He was dying from the basilisk poison in his body, by the time he finished stabbing the basilisk's fang on the dark enchanted diary and say his instructions to Ginny. He was about to collapse, lethargic from the poison's effects.

When he thought about it as he rested at the school's hospital wing, after the fact, something strange had happened within his body. From what he had read on the page that Hermione ripped from the book about basilisks, he should've already died by the time Fawkes the Phoenix cried on his wound.

The pain was still there, the excruciating pain of having his entire body doused with boiling water, was indeed present but he was still alive, barely conscious, but still alive, enough for Fawkes to cry on his wound and destroy the poison from inside of him.

The next weird thing happened when he was at the Dursleys, his maternal aunt's home. He was doing the dishes, when he accidentally dropped one of the plates that he was washing, but the plate didn't break, he still got an earful and was imprisoned in his room after the incident but the plate was never broken.

Both his uncle and aunt had been livid about that.

Then someone representing his uncle's extended family came. Harry didn't know where the glee came from, but he was extremely glad to know that the freakishness, as the Dursleys had dubbed it, also existed in his uncle's family.

---------

"Great grandfather left Italy for a reason Alberto!" Vernon growled at the visitor. "With your nonsense about different colored fire having other properties other than burn things to cinders," He sneered. "I cannot understand why you returned to the family in the first place."

"You know why we're here Vernon." Alberto fired back. "We're here because of the Omerta." He sighed. "It's also the same reason why my family decided to fold back in to the family."

"Omerta?" Dudley curiously asked.

Vernon's face turned pale at the word his son repeated.

"Someone in your family became flame active, it is in our best interests to at least train the recent flame active person to help them control the flames."

Vernon gulped at his uncle's insinuation, he was sure he wasn't flame active and neither was his wife. He just hoped it wasn't his son, he didn't want his son to be involved in the mafia.

"Who?"

"Your nephew."

Vernon's face became red with rage.

"Don't tell me you're angry that someone unrelated to you became flame active when you don't want to have anything to do with the famiglia?" Alberto raised an eyebrow.

"That boy is already a freak and this would make him even more of a freak." Vernon growled.

"I have a theory, why don't you call your nephew?" Alberto ignored Vernon's outburst. "I want to ask him some questions."

-----------

Harry was confused when his uncle called for him, normally his uncle would do anything to lock him up in the room whenever visitors would arrive at the house.

"Hello boy, I am Alberto Dursley, might I inquire what your name is?" The man, Alberto, formally asked for his name.

Harry gulped as soon as the man revealed his full name.

As soon as Harry knew how this man was related to him was, he started dreading how this man would treat him, considering how his aunt Marge interacted with him.

In an attempt to at least prevent the confrontation that was soon to come, he responded to the man with a polite tone.

"I am Harry Potter sir."

"Tell me, Harry, have you been in a life-or-death situation?" Alberto was oblivious to Harry's internal struggle.

Harry blinked a few times, he was caught off guard with the man's attitude towards him, totally different from how his uncle Vernon and Aunt Marge was to him.

Soon after, his narrowed at the question. He knew he can't just say 'I was almost killed by a basilisk in my school' to this man for various reasons. Muggles don't even know about basilisks are in the first place.

Secondly, there was the statute of secrecy, which Professor Snape hammered into his head at the beginning of term.

"Answer the man, boy." Vernon growled.

"There's no need to rush Vernon, I'm sure it's all traumatic for the boy." Alberto admonished his nephew. "I can understand the boy's reservations with sharing such critical, likely traumatic, information to a virtual stranger."

"I was poisoned?" Harry offered after much self-deliberation.

"Was it fatal to you?" Alberto followed up.

"The doctor said that it was a miracle that I even survived in the first place."

"Lightning or Sun flames." Alberto whispered with narrowed eyes.

Alberto shook his head and restrained himself from forming plausible theories about the boy.

"Was there anything weird that happened after you were poisoned? Like being able to punch through a wall or healing a wound?"

Harry was confused, extremely confused. The man, Alberto's, questions sound awfully a lot of the questions the Hogwarts teachers asked muggleborn students when explaining magic to them and their parents.

He was already attending Hogwarts.

"I accidentally dropped a plate once but it didn't break." Harry decided to humor the man's question.

"I take it your family and your nephew are largely ignorant of the family business you left?" Alberto faced Vernon.

"I swore that I would stamp out any freakishness in this house!" Vernon growled. "We failed at my wife's nephew because they were insistent I won't have another instance of that freakishness in my house!"

"You know Vernon, if you hate the child so much, why keep him?" Alberto sighed. "Why subject yourself to such stress, why subject the child to such torture?"

"No!" Petunia exclaimed. "That boy cannot leave this house!"

"Petunia!" Vernon growled.

"Why is that Petunia?" Alberto questioned his nephew's wife. "Is there a reason why you are sheltering the boy despite your clear hatred for him?"

Petunia clamped her mouth shut, she refused to give any more information to her husband's uncle.

"Our family has the Omerta, her family has the Statute of Secrecy," Vernon explained. "As the name suggests, they aren't allowed to say what she meant by that." He glared at the boy.

"Statute of Secrecy," Alberto hummed. "That's familiar," His eyes narrowed in concentration before it opened in realization, "By any chance is this the statute that prevents the magical world from intermingling with the non-magic populace?"

"H-how?" Vernon and Harry questioned.

"Did you really think that there were no magic people involved in the family business Vernon?" Alberto raised an eyebrow once more. "If you have forgotten Vernon, the business has ways to gain such information."

"If he knows…" Petunia trailed off.

"Go ahead." Vernon gave the approval, still glaring at Harry.

"Potter's here because I'm what's left of his mother's family, I'm his mother's sister." Petunia snarled. "The blasted headmaster of his school erected blood wards around the house to keep him protected, or so the letter that came with him said."

"I see, blood wards." Alberto hummed. "Let me see what I can do, but worst comes to worst Potter'll have his training nearby."

----------

Alberto had decided that Harry's training would take place near his place of residence, this will serve to preserve the blood wards placed on his place of residence that kept him and his maternal aunt's family protected from the magical terrorist's cult and the terrorist himself.

Harry and Alberto were currently in a nearby park where no one would visit so that they could train in secrecy.

"What we call them, Harry, are Deathperation flames, some call them Dying Will Flames." Alberto informed Harry. "These flames are what made you survive the poison that should've killed you." He explained."

"Why?"

"There are seven different types of flames, all named after a certain weather," Alberto continued his spiel. "We don't have any means to know what your flames are but from what you described, you mostly have lightning flames, flames with the property of hardening anything you wish, like the plate that you dropped but didn't break."

"What does that have to do with my being poisoned?" Harry couldn't help but ask.

"There are different types of poison, ones that solidifies your blood, and another is one that would disintegrate your internal organs like how acid does with everything it touches," Alberto answered. "The poison you've been induced with was something that would disintegrate your organs had you not applied lightning-flames on them to keep them from being destroyed."

"So basically I'm being trained to control this power?" Harry asked.

"In a sense, yes." Alberto nodded. "This is a power that can prove fatal to yourself or others if activated accidentally. You've been lucky so far that every accidental activation has been to save your life, or a thing, so far."

Harry gulped at the man's implications.

"Can Dudley have this power too?"

"Despite popular belief, everyone is able to have this power, it's all on the will of the person, their will to live, and that's why it's called dying will flames."

"So how do I do this?"

Alberto smiled at the query.

"Now I want you to close your eyes and imagine a ball of flame," Alberto instructed. "Try not to call for your magic."

-----------

With Alberto's presence, Harry didn't have much of a hard time living with the Dursleys. His teacher didn't stay in the house but the knowledge that his uncle's uncle was training him was enough to keep them docile towards him.

However the week before Marge visited the Dursleys, Alberto had to leave him, which turned their docile attitude towards him into a hostile one.

However, he doesn't miss a beat every time he pointed out Vernon's relation with Alberto and the green-colored flames he apparently had.

Everything changed once Marge arrived and was subsequently blown up.

Luckily there were only a few days left of summer break when he left the Dursleys and got himself checked into the Leaky Cauldron.

-----------

Harry had so many reasons to be happy at the end of his third year at Hogwarts. First, he knew that he was loved and he has a godfather in the form of one Sirius Black, a werewolf for an uncle in the form of one Sirius Lupin, he was discovering family members he never knew he had.

Harry has decidedly ignored one Peter Pettigrew's presence in his life.

While it was unfortunate, that Sirius wouldn't be able to take him away from the Dursleys, at least the Dursleys that were connected to Harry's mother, the knowledge that he'd be learning more about the Dying Will Flames, especially his lightning flames, was another reason for his happy demeanor.

Of course, none at Hogwarts were in the know of this secret, not even his best friends Hermione and Ron. He may not have been connected to the so-called family business that his uncle Vernon has left, he knew enough that the business has its equivalent of the Statute of Secrecy that Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall has hammered into his head during the start of his second year.

"What exactly do you do Alberto?" Harry inquired as he sat on the pavement, tired from his training.

"Why don't you apply your lightning flames on that twig and I'll answer if you're successful this time." Alberto smiled.

Harry nodded and picked up the twig he had dropped earlier. He closed his eyes in concentration as green electrical arcs formed from his hand and coated the twig he was holding with both of his hands.

He opened his eyes and saw that the twig he was holding was coated in green electrical arcs before the arcs promptly faded from sight.

"Good." Alberto smiled as he took the twig from Harry's hands.

Alberto produced a scotch tape from his person taped it onto a nearby lamppost. He then stood straight before striking the twig with the palm of his hand.

The twig in question snapped in half which made Harry groan in displeasure.

"Why're you groaning?" Alberto asked.

"The twig snapped." Harry pointed out.

"It may have snapped but I felt that the twig was a lot sturdier than normal," Alberto showed the twig's indention on his hand. "Last year we've only covered the activation and now you're imbuing something with your flames," He continued. "I count this as a success in my book."

"Really?"

Alberto smiled.

That was it, Harry has decided that Alberto was the best teacher ever.

"Now to answer your question." Alberto's shift in tone made Harry nervous. "What do you know of the underground Harry?"

"Underground?"

Alberto sighed once more, unsure how to break to the boy the news. He knew that the kid was emotionally abused by his nephew but for his training to proceed he needed to know the truth.

"The mafia." Alberto amended his words.

"The mafia?" Harry questioned once more. "What's that?"

Alberto gulped at the boy's innocence that he was about to destroy.

"It's an organization that does crime is the most basic summary I can give you," Alberto sighed. "A crime organization so to speak."

"Like the Death Eaters?" Harry muttered to himself.

"Death Eaters?"

"Sorry, I can't answer that." Harry apologized. "I was just thinking of something similar in that world." He admitted.

"You do know that the Statute does not apply to me right?" Alberto smiled. "But this is good, it means I can trust you not to divulge what I'm about to tell you to anyone, not unless divulging would save your life."

Harry nodded.

Alberto came clean to Harry as soon as he confirmed that Harry wouldn't blab to just about anyone what he was doing.

Alberto told Harry about the flames of the sky and how the Vongola and their allies in the mafia were the sole users of said power.

Harry was also told about the Vindice prison and the instances of how one would be sent there. He was also told about how no one messed with the Vindice and its enforcers.

Lastly, Harry was told about the Omerta. Normally Harry and the Dursleys, barring his uncle, would remain ignorant of the mafia world, but the moment he became a flame active person he was unofficially inducted into the underground, specifically the Famiglia that his uncle was supposedly trying not to get involved with.

"No one really escapes the mafia, Harry," Alberto explained. "One must die in order to escape the underground."

"How come uncle Vernon believes that your great grandfather has actually escaped them?"

"You'll understand when you get older, I'd imagine that there's no escape from your world as well." Alberto offered. "Your aunt certainly hasn't escaped it, despite not involved in it."

That was when it clicked to Harry about the meaning of Alberto's statement.

"You can never unlearn what you knew," Harry stated thoughtfully. "We can pretend but there's really no escaping it."

"That and we protect our own." Alberto nodded. "Did you ever question how we were able to visit you as soon as you showed signs as a flame-active person in the house?"

"The Famiglia has been watching the Dursleys." Harry realized.

"The number of unbelievable things some of the Famiglia members reported when you were brought to them were downright absurd," Alberto chuckled. "But in hindsight, it does make a lot of sense, a cat turning into a woman, it was like an episode of Bewitched."

Alberto noticed the questioning look Harry sent his way.

"A telly series in the Americas." Alberto supplied. "In any case, starting tomorrow a few of my colleagues will help me in training you, something basic like honing your reaction time."

"Why would I need that?"

"Believe it or not kid, people will seek you out because you're flame-active," Alberto explained. "Some of them might not take the talking approach, this way you can defend yourself, or at the very least escape, without resorting to using your other talents."

----------

"Remember Alberto, I'm only doing this because you paid me to." A small person clicked their tongue. "Why do you want this child to be trained in something that should be exclusive to the Vongola and her allies?"

"Apart from the fact that he became flame-active since last year?" Alberto raised an eyebrow. "I thought we were all for preserving the secrets of the mafia and honoring the Omerta Mammon?"

"There are ways to honor the Omerta Alberto, you know that." The small person identified as Mammon scoffed. "Like for instance, take him back to Italy and train him there."

"Statute of Secrecy."

"A member of the magical society then." Mammon clicked their tongue. "I will be asking for more as soon as this child's training is concluded, if you must know, I detested that society."

"Oh? This is new information."

"And you'll be getting nothing else from me."

------------

"Harry, I want you to meet Mammon." Alberto gestured to a small cloaked figure. "They will be helping me to train you."

Harry did a double-take as soon as he saw who was with Alberto when they arrived at the usual training spot. The small figure looked like a baby, a baby that was cloaked and was walking on two legs.

What in Merlin's name was happening?

"A baby?" Harry couldn't help but voice out. "How's a baby going to help me?"

Suddenly a man in black clothes appeared behind Harry and shot the gun he was holding, grazing the Potter's arm.

"Gah!" Harry screamed.

The Potter looked behind him just in time for the gunman to fade away like smoke as he held his arm to stop the bleeding.

"I can see why you needed my help, Alberto." The cloaked baby nonchalantly commented. "He has poor reaction time."

"What is going on?!" Harry yelled. "Someone just shot me and you aren't doing anything."

"Come off it." Mammon scoffed. "You were lucky the bullet merely grazed your arm."

Alberto shook his head at the person's nonchalance, it's what you'd expect from an assassin of their caliber. He approached Harry and bandaged the graze wound on the boy's arm with his handkerchief.

"Full transparency, there was actually no gunman, what you experienced was an illusion," Mammon explained. "The beauty about illusions is that I can kill just about anyone I please without ever lifting a finger."

"No need to regale the kid with your assassination exploits Mammon." Alberto admonished.

"Shut your mouth Alberto, I'm training the kid now," Mammon fired back. "The only reason why you're still breathing is because of the Vindice and no money in the world would satisfy me for the trouble killing you would entail."

"Glad to know your priorities Mammon, even you wouldn't dare invoke the Vindice's rage."

"How come I was still wounded when you've only shown me an illusion?"

"The brain is very weak that way," Mammon explained. "We simply manipulate all your senses and the brain does the rest of the work, like say tearing your skin to simulate that you've actually been grazed by a bullet."

"If one can identify that what they're seeing is an illusion, none of its effects will take root." Alberto continued. "However knowing that one thing is an illusion and believing that it's an illusion are two different things."

"With that explanation out of the way, let us continue the training." Mammon clicked their tongue.

Four men in black suits appeared in front of Harry, each carrying a pistol. They took aim at the boy.

"Why don't we start small first Mammon?" Alberto suggested.

"I suppose children will do for the moment."

The four men morphed into four kids, two boys and two girls, each carrying a handful of pebbles in one of their hands.

"Be prepared to dodge kid."

Harry gulped as he eyed one of the boys taking aim at him. As soon as the boy threw his stone, he immediately ducked.

----------

"Gah!" Harry gasped as he was hit by a plate on the arm.

"You're slowing down boy," Mammon yelled. "You may have dodged rocks, small balls, and sporting balls but you have yet to dodge a plate."

Harry merely panted, unable to form any coherent response from the cloaked baby.

"I say he has improved greatly under your tutelage Mammon." Alberto offered as he gave Harry bottled water. "He came from barely dodging pebbles to dodging sporting balls entirely."

"That's because sporting balls are big and slow." Mammon fired back. "If he can't dodge a plate thrown by an angry housewife, what hope has he have of dodging projectiles faster than a plate, like an arrow or even a bullet? I say it's far from passable. I'd give it a Troll grade."

"Y-you're a wizard?"

"A squib," Mammon scoffed. "Just so you know I truly detest your society, I'm training you because I was paid."

"B-but how…"

"Like I told when we first met, I am merely using illusions, I'm tricking your brain into thinking that anything thrown at you is real."

"There were actually times where you would actually believe that what you're seeing isn't real, but those were rare instances." Alberto pointed out.

Before Harry could even form a reply, he was suddenly clutching his head trying to alleviate the sudden headache he was having.

"I guess we'll call this a day." Mammon sighed. "Illusionary poisoning has taken hold." The cloaked baby clicked their tongue. "I must admit that each day your limit to being subjected to illusions is increasing by the day, I guess in that regard you are improving."

----------

Harry's training with that weird person, who definitely looked like a baby, started in the middle of July just after Alberto had reviewed him on the basics of activating his flames whenever he needed it. He had originally wanted to test his lightning flames on his wand, remembering how easily Ron's wand was broken at the start of his second year.

He was, however, cautioned against doing so because no one knew what could be the repercussions of attempting such a feat.

When Harry's training with Mammon began, he had suspected that his very small teacher was actually a wizard or witch but disguised it as illusions so as not to trip the Statute of Secrecy, it was kind of a shock to him knowing that he was technically on the mark but instead of being magical, Mammon turned out to be a squib.

Harry could admit to himself that he doesn't understand how Mammon's abilities worked, especially after the reveal that they were a squib. It didn't make sense to him, he had witnessed Mammon perform feats of conjuration and transfigurations, conjuring fully grown men and transfiguring them into children.

Days before the Quidditch World Cup, Mammon ended their training with him, at least for the year, stating that they were being sent on a mission by their boss.

He can still remember the words of caution the baby told him.

"Be careful when you use that power Potter. Vindice doesn't care whether you used it in self-defense or not, for them, it counts as divulging the mafia's secrets to unrelated people. You'd end up in a prison far worse than Azkaban."

What could be worse than Azkaban?!

------------

Harry wouldn't admit it to anyone, especially to Mammon considering how much of an ego the baby has, but his training with the cloaked baby was definitely helpful during the Triwizard Tournament especially with his third encounter with his parents' killer.

"Kill the spare."

Harry ignored the searing headache he had and faced his fellow Triwizard Champion.

"Locomotor Wibbly!"

"Avada Kedavra!"

Harry's Jelly-legs curse hit Cedric's shocked form causing the older boy to collapse on the ground and make the light of the killing curse sail above the Diggory's head.

"Stupefy! Stupefy! Stupefy! Stupefy! Stupefy! Incendio! Confringo! "

Harry decided to cast multiple stunners, a jet of fire, and a blasting curse right at the traitorous Marauder, distracting the death eater enough for him to grab his fellow champion out of harm's way.

Despite Harry's small nature, he was able to carry the much older and bigger boy than him over to the other side of the graveyard.

Harry grabbed a few pebbles that were scattered on the ground and positioned it surrounding Cedric then cast an engorging spell on them.

"H-harry, what's going on?" Cedric managed to ask.

"You were about to be killed so I cast the jelly-legs curse on you," Harry admitted. "I want you to cast the counter-curse once I leave you, you need to get back to the cup."

"And leave you here?! No way!" Cedric protested.

"This is not up for debate," Harry growled. "Wormtail wants me, you heard what that voice said, you were the spare they'll immediately kill you."

"Harry, I'm of age, it is my responsibility to protect you." Cedric tried to reason.

"No." Harry shook his head. "We're not at Hogwarts anymore Cedric, your authority as a prefect won't work here."

"Not like you followed the prefects in the past." Cedric muttered to himself.

"Cedric, you're a good bloke and I don't want you to die here." Harry tried to reason out. "You've got so much in store for you."

"How will you get back then?"

"I'll think of something."

"Where is Potter, Wormtail?!" The same hoarse voice from earlier demanded. "This is one failure too many." The cloaked bundle expressed its displeasure.

"The cup is still here milord." Peter expressed. "Potter is still here."

"Yet you failed to kill the spare."

"Potter was quick milord." The Pettigrew reasoned. "It seemed like he was prepared for this to happen."

"Silence! I want you to find Potter right this instant Wormtail or else Nagini'll be feasting on your flesh."

"Yes sir!"

"You heard them." Harry pointed out.

"But what about you?"

"I'll figure it out myself."

As Harry conversed with Cedric, he was imbuing the stones he had enlarged with his lightning flames, ensuring that none of them would be destroyed by at least three killing curses, or so he hoped. He wasn't taking any chances and he wasn't going to let Cedric die here.

"Expelliarmus!"

Harry fired a disarming spell at the traitorous rat, which had been blocked, and ran far away from where he had deposited his fellow Triwizard champion.

"Stupefy, Expelliarmus."

Harry continued firing off spells at the traitorous rat and continued to run away from where he had last seen Cedric.

Harry's luck ran out as he tripped on a tree's root.

"Hurry Wormtail." The same voice groaned out.

"Yes milord!"

Peter tied Harry on an angelic statue as fire lit up under the cauldron and its contents began boiling. The rat animagus then started chanting the potions' instructions as he followed it to the letter from pilfering Voldemort's paternal bone to dismembering himself to procuring some of Harry's blood.

Harry was not about to give up, his utter defiance caused him to unconsciously wrap lightning flames all around his body and hardened his skin to the point where a simple slice of the knife Pettigrew was using wouldn't be able to penetrate the Potter's skin, let alone get some of his blood.

It didn't mean it wasn't painless for Harry, but he persevered nonetheless, despite his screaming.

Frustration clawed into Pettigrew's very being as he forcefully attempted to embed the knife into Harry's arm but to no avail.

The sudden impenetrable nature of Harry's skin only served to infuriate the rat animagus even more that he gave in to his frustrations and forcefully stabbed the knife into the Potter's arm, but that only resulted in the knife he had to snap in half.

Growling in frustration, Pettigrew frisked himself for something sharp to continue his tasks when he noticed the tear on Harry's pants that showed off the gash that the Potter got when the boy tripped earlier.

Smiling to himself, Pettigrew used the snapped knife to scoop up some of Harry's blood that came from the boy's gashed knee.

"Blood of the enemy, forcibly taken, you will resurrect your foe." Pettigrew chanted as he added a few drops of Harry's blood into the cauldron.

Not a moment soon, everyone in the graveyard witnessed the return of one Lord Voldemort.

The Dark Lord wasted no time in summoning his Death Eaters and tormented Harry some more. The confrontation evolved into one one-sided duel between the two of them, which ended with a dome of light and few gray people – ghosts? – helping Harry with his duel.

----------

"Flippendo! Depulso!"

As soon as Harry broke the connection between the wands, Cedric chose this time to reveal himself and cast a few knockback and banishing charms at the Death Eaters present in an effort to aid Harry to escape the one-sided duel the Dark Lord forced the Potter in.

"After him!" Voldemort growled.

The Death Eaters were quick to oblige and chased after the Potter while others turned their attention towards Cedric and wordlessly cast a few spells at the Diggory.

"Focus on running towards me Harry! I've got your back!" Cedric ordered.

Harry responded by running towards his companion.

Cedric, satisfied with Harry's response, turned his attention to the Death Eaters. He cast a few spells wordlessly and caused a few of them to get blown away.

"Aqua Eructo! Glacius"

Cedric cast a water eruption charm on the ground behind Harry and created a spout of water. He then promptly froze it causing it to fall over the Death Eaters chasing after the Potter, creating a physical barrier between his fellow Triwizard champion and the Death Eaters.

"Bombarda Maxima!"

Cedric used the exploding charm to further deter the Death Eaters who managed to get past the icy barrier that he had set up, blowing them away to the house that Wormtail came from.

"Reducto! Flipendo! Depulso! Experlliarmus! "

Cedric noticed that the Dark Lord had joined with the chase, fearing for both his and Harry's safety, he cast a number of jinxes, curses, and charms at the resurrected Dark Wizard from the reductor curse to the knockback jinx to the banishing and disarming charms.

The Dark Lord expertly blocked the spells all the spells coming at him and cast a few of his own.

Cedric managed to evade a few of the spells that Voldemort has used and some had managed to hit him, tearing off a few pieces of his clothes.

Some Death Eaters joined their master in firing spells at Cedric, who made the decision of hiding himself behind the pebbles that Harry had enlarged earlier.

To the surprise of every Death Eater, the stones held strong and wasn't blown to dust despite the many spells that hit it, even from the ones that the Dark Lord has cast.

"Lacarnum Inflamari!"

Cedric, at this point, was desperate, Harry was still a few paces away from him from all the zigzagging the Potter was doing just to evade some of the obstacles and the spells coming his way, he stood up from behind the enlarged pebble, and conjured a fireball at the tip of his wand and threw at the Dark Lord.

In what could be called an incident of pure luck, the cloak that Voldemort was wearing caught fire and managed to distract the Dark Lord from his pursuit of Potter.

"Expelliarmus!"

Harry cast the disarming spell that went right by Cedric's face, who was rightfully distracted from attempting to block the Dark Lord from approaching both Triwizard champions.

The Diggory looked behind him and found a Death Eater, one disarmed Lucius Malfoy.

"Depulso"

The Malfoy was thrown towards a tree far away from both Triwizard champions with the banishing charm that Cedric cast on the Death Eater.

"Accio!"

As soon as Harry bumped himself unto the Diggory he immediately pointed his wand at the idle Triwizard Cup and summoned it to his person and both champions were transported back to Hogwarts, tired, afraid, and vigilant but alive.

-----------

Harry found himself waking up in the school's hospital wing a week after the third task of the tournament.

The last thing Harry remembered was Cedric escorting him to the hospital wing after the Professor Moody-impostor tried to get him after returning from the graveyard.

From what Harry had heard, it was all thanks to Cedric's quick thinking that the impostor wasn't able to do anything to him other than gloat at him for seemingly fooling everyone else, especially the school's headmaster.

Harry looked around, he saw Cedric was asleep, wrapped with bandages, on the bed to his right while Ron and Hermione sat beside each other, with the Granger sleeping on the Weasley's shoulder.

When Harry saw an issue of the Daily Prophet by Cedric's bedside, he carefully retrieved it, making sure he wasn't making any sounds and not disturb his sleeping companions. He read the front-page headlines and sure enough, his words of warnings were used against him.

What else was new?

"You really shouldn't read that paper when you just woke up." Hermione advised.

"I got curious." Harry offered.

"Curiosity killed the cat." Hermione raised an eyebrow. "I'm sure you knew that."

"Wha-? Who killed Crookshanks?"

"Oh Wake up Ronald." Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Hey Harry." Ron waived at his best friend. "You gave us quite the scare, you and Diggory did."

Harry was extremely glad that his friends never changed, they still continued to act like nothing happened, arguing like they always did like his name wasn't destroyed by the local newspaper, he didn't experience intense torture under Voldemort and his followers.

"Are you really certain you saw him Harry?" Ron couldn't help but question everything Harry revealed earlier..

"Ronald!" Hermione admonished.

"So you don't believe me, Ron?" Harry questioned bitterly.

"I believe you, I truly do!" Ron tried to assure his best friend. "It's him, you know, it's you-know-who, a part of me wants to deny it all," He admitted. "The Dark Lord who everyone fears to even speak his name."

"He has returned alright," Cedric inserted himself into the conversation. "I was there, I saw it all."

"Which reminds me, why didn't you grab the cup when I gave you the chance?" Harry turned his attention to his fellow champion. "You could've died in there Cedric."

"Was I supposed to leave you there to die yourself Potter?" Cedric responded. "I am already of age and it's my responsibility to protect the students younger than me."

"Bloody Hufflepuffs." Harry swore.

"Harry!"

"You knew they wanted me for something." Harry pointed out. "You on the other hand were just a spare in their eyes, Wormtail cast the bloody killing curse as soon as they saw you."

"You know what would've happened next Potter." Cedric rebutted. "You-know-who would've killed you as soon as he was done toying with you, without the portkey back here, you would've died."

"Out!" Madam Pomfrey interrupted. "My patients need to rest!"

"But-"

"Out!"

Hermione and Ron reluctantly acquiesced to the hospital wing's matron's orders. They waved goodbye to both Harry and Cedric.

"Look Cedric, you're a good bloke." Harry sat on his bed, his back on the bed's railing. "I owe you my life but you really didn't have to risk your life for me."

"Are you really that desperate to die Harry?" Cedric questioned. "I just don't understand why you're so quick to sacrifice yourself to save everyone else," He added. "I remember the fat friar telling some of the Hufflepuff prefects about what happened at the Chamber of Secrets. You were bit by the basilisk and was saved by the headmaster's phoenix."

"H-how."

"The ghosts are knowledgeable about whatever happens inside the castle," Cedric explained. "The bloody baron probably told the fat friar what happened."

Harry swallowed whatever was in his throat as he tried to organize his thoughts and answer Diggory's question.

"It's not that I want to die, I just want to save Ginny from the Basilisk at the time, I didn't think of the consequences." He admitted. "As for what happened at the graveyard, I was responsible for bringing you there, I suggested that we take the cup at the same time, therefore had you died there, it'd be on me."

"In the end, it was my decision." Cedric sighed at the Gryffindor. "I chose to grab the cup with you, so no my death wouldn't be on your hands."

"But-"

"But you sure are one powerful wizard Harry." Cedric grinned at the young boy, completely derailing their topic. "A simple finite wasn't enough to undo the jelly-legs curse you cast on me, quick thinking by the way."

Harry simply blushed at the compliment, thankful for the change in topic.

----------

The end of the year was a huge feast.

Cedric was declared the winner of the Triwizard Tournament with Harry in second place. The headmaster used their performance in the previous tasks to break the tie that the Potter and Diggory held in the tournament, Headmaster Dumbledore and Headmistress Maxime both deemed the Diggory's performance outweighs that of Potter's.

With Diggory's win in the tournament, he also secured the house cup victory for his house as well. It was the first time in forever that Hufflepuff had actually won the house cup. In celebration, Madam Pomfrey added more food on the table for every house to celebrate their win.

It did help that the house-elves knew beforehand to cook more food than the usual.

While the Triwizard tournament winner had a prize of galleons, the other participants didn't come empty-handed. Harry, Fleur, and Viktor all received money bags for their participation in the tournament, to which the Potter promptly gave his winnings to the Weasley twins.

-----------

"Of course, you have latent sky flame," Mammon growled. "That would explain why I was drawn to you on a certain level despite already having a sky of my own."

"Sky?"

"Alberto, have you really explained to the child the different flames of the sky?"

"I simply gave him the basic idea of the other flames and went extensively on his lightning flames," Alberto admitted. "I didn't think he'd have sky flames at all, they're a rarity."

"Sky flames are rare." Mammon began as they landed in front of the Potter.

"If your Lightning flames are good for defense as it can harden anything you imbue with it, Sky flames on the other hand are the flames that accept just about anyone." Alberto supplied.

"You're muddying the concept Alberto." Mammon pointed out. "I will be asking for another fee later for explaining to Potter about the Sky flames."

"Greedy little bastard." Alberto muttered to himself.

"Money makes the world turn Alberto, surely you know that."

Mammon turned their attention back to Harry and continued explaining about the Sky flames and began explaining the characteristics of Sky flames with Alberto chiming in once in a while.

Both Mafiosi moved on to explain how the Sky's harmonizing factor affects just about everyone around Harry.

"It's a bit hard to explain, especially as someone who doesn't possess Sky flames," Alberto admitted. "But that's the gist of it."

"Enough talk." Mammon declared. "Let us continue the training."

Five teens appeared in front of Harry, all equipped with BB guns and open fired.

------------

It came as a surprise to Harry when Mammon appeared in the Ministry of Magic to represent him.

He wasn't aware that one of his mentors was present when he was attacked by dementors while on a rare break from training with his flames.

Speaking of training, it was prematurely stopped as neither Alberto nor Mammon had any way of entering the Grimmauld place where he currently resided alongside the Order of the Phoenix, the Weasleys, and even the Diggorys.

"Wizards and witches really have low attention spans." Mammon scoffed as they floated beside Harry, passing by an equally bewildered Dumbledore. "I've been here the whole time and none of you ever noticed."

Harry almost wanted to roll his eyes at Mammon's display. He knew for a fact that the cloaked baby was using their Mist flames to hide themselves from everyone, but he also knew how Mammon despised the Magical society hence the rather condescending attitude towards the wizards and witches present.

"Who are you?!" A woman wearing pink under her Wizengamot robes demanded. "How dare you enter Ministry premises without permission?!"

Mammon ignored the woman in pink. "I am here to represent Harry Potter against the case filed against him."

The woman in pink clothes cleared her throat, garnering everyone's attention.

"I'm sorry but you seem to be under the impression that we will allow such a thing from happening? Not only has Potter arrived late, but you also have the gall to interrupt the proceedings."

"I see how it is," Mammon hummed. "Since Potter is receiving a full court trial, with the entirety of the Wizengamot present, I suggest that we call the attention of the ICW to hear the proceedings."

Minister Fudge paled considerably at the suggestion.

"It is the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy that Mr. Potter has allegedly violated after all."

"Surely the honorable council members of the International Confederation of Wizards need not concern themselves in Britain's proceedings." Minister Fudge offered.

"You seem to be under the impression that I'm a British Magician," Mammon stated. "I am from Italia, since I have been involved, calling for the attention of the ICW seems prudent, isn't that so Mr. Dumbledore?"

"Yes," Dumbledore nodded. "As the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy was violated and a citizen of another magical nation was involved, it is the Standard Operating Procedure to call forth the attention of the ICW, not unless the witch or wizard involved agrees not to call them."

"Surely we can compromise Mr…" Minister Fudge trailed off.

"Call me Mammon without the gender-specific honorifics." Mammon replied.

"Surely you agree, Mammon, that the honorable council members of the ICW need not be bothered for something as minor as this?"

"I disagree," Mammon bluntly replied. "Mr. Potter faces the entire British Wizengamot for violating the Statute, he is, therefore, tried as if he was an of-age wizard. However, I can be convinced otherwise, if you let me represent Potter for this case."

From Minister Fudge's pale complexion, Harry was sure that the Minister didn't see this coming. He was sure that with him sent to Azkaban for violating the statute, no one would ever believe him and in turn, no one would believe that you-know-who has returned.

From what Harry had heard from Hermione and the Weasleys, he was sure that sending him to Azkaban was the Minister's aim.

"Yes, you may represent Mr. Potter." One witch identified as Amelia Bones spoke.

Minister Fudge and the pink toad, whatever her name was, sent a glare in Amelia's way.

With everything settled, Harry was read of all his charges, and in every turn, he was denied to explain his reasons for doing so.

"Objection." Mammon floated towards the Minister's face.

"O-objection?!" Minister Fudge sputtered. "We are in the middle of interrogating the accused."

"Without giving him ample time to give his reasons." Mammon scoffed. "Normal court proceedings should start with the Yes-No questions then ask for the accused's reasons." The cloaked baby descended towards Harry. "From what I have observed, you fail to ask the boy for his reasons, even Muggle courts have followed such courtesy to the accused."

Somehow Harry doubted that. He knew of Mammon's actual occupation, they have little to no contact to normal court proceedings let alone doing things legally. With the Wizarding Britain so removed from muggle society, they won't know that his mentor was bluffing. He even doubted that the witches and wizards of Britain were subjects of the Queen no matter how removed from muggle society they were.

"How dare you interrupt court proceedings?" The pink toad exclaimed. "We may have allowed you to represent Mr. Potter but you are still an outsider."

"Mr. Potter, explain your reasons on why you decided to perform the Patronus charm, in front of your cousin, who is already aware of the magical society."

"I did it because of the Dementors!" Harry exclaimed, as loud as he could.

Harry's reason was met with silence, the people that comprised the Wizengamot were in turmoil as to the recent turn of events.

Dementors in Little Whinging?

"You think that Mr. Potter is lying, don't you Minister?" Mammon garnered everyone's attention. "You think that all of this was a well-rehearsed story in an attempt to justify the boy's use of magic in front of his muggle cousin."

"What else could it be?" Minister Fudge smirked.

"Madam Bones, are we allowed for the extraction of the accused's memories?" Mammon faced the witch in question.

"Under normal circumstances no." Madam Bones answered. "The use of Veritaserum is the normal procedure to determine whether the accused is guilty or innocent and the use of the Veritaserum on children is illegal."

"As Mr. Potter is tried as an adult, shouldn't he be given the privilege of testifying to the court under the Veritaserum's effects?"

"No matter the circumstances, using one on Mr. Potter is illegal." Madam Bones insisted.

"As this is a special case, would it be amenable for the entire Wizengamot to extract Mr. Potter's memories to prove whether he's lying or not?"

Harry wanted to smile that at the fact that Mammon was defending him despite the person's utter hatred towards the magical society, but a cynical part of him reasoned that the baby was probably paid to defend him.

"Get the Pensieve." Madam Bones announced.

"No need for the Pensieve Madam Bones, I know of a spell to let everyone see the memory at the same time." Mammon declared before facing the boy. "Mr. Potter, I warn you that my method of memory extraction is painful, it is to ensure that any and all modifications to your memory wouldn't appear in the memory I extracted."

Harry only had time to narrow his eyes in confusion before he was suddenly screaming in pain as he felt that something was constricting his right arm and bit him, he looked at the arm in question, and sure enough, a yellow snake was coiled on his arm with their fangs embedded to his skin.

The next thing Harry knew was that Mammon was holding a wand and the small indigo orb that was attached at the tip of the wand began to expand and covered the entire Wizengamot in an indigo-colored haze.

As soon as the haze cleared, everyone saw the moment where Harry and his cousin were chased by Dementors, even to the fact that his cousin was kissed by the said creature before it was chased away by Harry's Patronus.

It did not escape everyone's attention that Harry cast the Patronus charm away from muggle eyes, under a street tunnel, where no muggle or cars ever passed through.

"I believe that that memory alone proves Potter's innocence." Mammon voiced out as the scene cleared and revealed the Wizengamot chamber.

Harry was flabbergasted at the display of magical prowess, he had been so confused about what was happening, not until Mammon told him after the trial that his mentors were present during the Dementor's attack.

The woman in pink cleared her throat, garnering everyone's attention.

"I'm sorry Mr. Mammon, but you seem to be insinuating that the Ministry would attack a boy such as Potter."

"I believe I did not insinuate that Madam Umbridge," Mammon responded. "Neither Mr. Potter nor I have accused the Ministry of doing such thing, did we Madam Bones."

"I believe not Mammon." Madam Bones shook her head.

"Wherever did you get that idea Madam Umbridge?"

"Only the Ministry has ever implemented the use of Dementors as Azkaban's wardens," Madam Umbridge reasoned. "By saying that a Dementor has attacked Potter and that alone presents an accusation that the Ministry would attack the boy."

"Is that so Madam Umbridge?" Mammon clicked their tongue. "I seem to recall an incident where a wanted criminal has escaped your famed prison and when the Dementor found this particular criminal, these wardens of yours was close to performing a demented kiss on both the criminal and Potter."

"I also recall an incident that Potter was almost kissed at the start of his third year in Hogwarts on the Hogwarts express," Dumbledore offered. "Among a few other students, thankfully the DADA teacher at the time was with the students on his way to the school and was able to ward off the Dementors by performing the Patronus charm."

Harry nodded in agreement, he didn't know when, where and from whom did Mammon get his information but considering where the cloaked baby's loyalties lie, he knew not to question it.

"There is also the incident last year wherein the clearly alive Bartemius Crouch Jr. was unceremoniously kissed by a Dementor as soon the Minister responded to his summons at Hogwarts." Professor Dumbledore added.

"Doesn't that prove that these wardens of yours could go rogue at any time?" Mammon offered.

Madam Umbridge's face was red both in humiliation and rage.

------------

With Mammon's intervention, Harry was acquitted of all charges and the Ministry was even forced to compensate Harry for being tried under the entire Wizengamot, much to the Minister's disdain.

As soon as the trial was done, Mammon informed Harry that his training for the year has ended citing the Vindice as the reason. He was also tasked with giving Alberto a message of paying the baby as soon as he made contact with his other mentor for defending him from the Wizengamot earlier.

Soon enough his fifth year at Hogwarts started and he was displeased to know that a certain Dolores Umbridge would be teaching, in the loosest sense, his favorite subject, Defense Against the Dark Arts.

Harry instantly knew that Umbridge, as soon as she handed him detention for speaking about the Dark Lord's return, was singling him out due to the actions of his mentor early in the year, and the fact that she was drunk on power that she justifies everything she does was legal as she was in the school on the behest of the Minister of Magic.

In a stroke of rebellion, as soon as Umbridge announced that casting of magic in a magic school in this particular subject was prohibited, he formed the Defense Association alongside his best friends Ron and Hermione.

One of the very first to join them was his fellow Triwizard Champion, Cedric Diggory, who was also facing attacks against his character for corroborating Harry's story of the Dark Lord's return.

Harry was forever thankful for the Hufflepuff because he never felt like he was left to flounder in the air.

As a result, Harry had some seventh year, especially seventh-year Hufflepuffs, to help him teach the younger students, and himself, the spells that should have been covered during the year but with the ministry's influence, they were never going to learn them ever.

---------

"Apart from the disarming charm, another spell that would help us tremendously is the disillusionment charm." Cedric stood beside Harry. "I'm sure Professor Flitwick will teach the fifth years this spell as the year progresses but it's never wrong to prepare." He supplied.

As Cedric showed everyone the basic wand movement of the disillusionment charm, Harry made sure to follow through with the older boy's instructions.

"There are two wand movements for this spell, one for targeting others and the other is targeting oneself." Cedric continued his spiel. "What we were just practicing just now was the wand movement for targeting other objects and people."

Everyone from Dumbledore's army mirrored Cedric's actions trying to accustom themselves to the wand movement for the spell.

"Alright, let's learn the incantation for this spell." Cedric clapped and garnered everyone's attention. "It's occulta talpa."

"Occulta Talpa." The people inside the room repeated.

"Good, try saying the incantation a few more times, without your wands."

"Occulta Talpa."

As Harry continued to practice the incantation, with his wand safely kept inside one of his pockets, he couldn't help but notice one Dennis Creevey, unconsciously waving around his wand, practicing the incantation.

Harry was about to approach the younger Creevey when he saw Hermione approach Dennis, likely to reprimand the boy about his wand.

"Dennis, it's not Ta-pa but Talpa."

Harry would admit that he had a hard time hearing what Hermione was saying considering almost everyone was practicing the incantation at the same time and the noise everyone made muffled any and all sounds made in the room, but knowing his best friend, he knew that the Granger was correcting the boy's incantation.

"Occulta Tunica?" Dennis asked, unsure if he had heard the older girl right.

Suddenly, as soon as Dennis finished asking his question while unconsciously drawing a circle with his wand, a blue orb shot out from his wand and hit Cedric, who was busy tending to his older brother, making Cedric's shirt vanish, exposing his torso.

"Wha-"

"Okay, that happened." Cedric chuckled.

Everyone fell silent, attempting to process what just happened.

As the students tried to process the recent turn of events, some of them tried to hide their blush from suddenly seeing Cedric's bare torso.

"I guess I should have insisted for everyone to keep their wands, sorry about that."

"Hey, Pretty Boy Diggory!" Fred called out.

"Do you feel cold?" George questioned.

"Come to think of it, no." Cedric shook his head. "I think I can still feel my robes on me, it's just that they've turned invisible." He assessed.

"Neat don't you reckon Forge?"

"I'd say so Gred."

"It's not every day,"

"That a second year invents a spell."

The Weasley twins chuckled as Dennis himself blushed as he was finally able to process what happened.

"Don't you dare use that spell as a prank!" Hermione warned the twins.

The Weasley twins merely raised their hands in mock surrender.

The younger Creevey on the other hand immediately approached Cedric and apologized profusely to the older Hufflepuff.

"I'm so sorry."

"It's alright Dennis." Cedric ruffled the young boy's hair. "Everyone makes mistakes from time to time. I'm just happy it was not as drastic as having a buffalo's horn on my chest, or yours for that matter."

"I thought Professor Flitwick told us that to caution us into saying our spells properly." Hermione gasped. "A fictional story of caution."

"Yes, that was to caution us into saying our spells properly." Cedric nodded. "Why does that mean that it wasn't true?"

"I guess we'd call it a night, don't we mate?" Ron suggested. "We don't want Perfect Boy Diggory to be caught outside the dorms without clothes, don't we?"

"Right you are ickle Ronniekins." George grinned

"Didn't know you had a working brain in that head of yours." Fred followed up.

"Why don't you give Perfect Boy Diggory-"

"-Your robes ickle Ronniekins."

"We promise to get you to the Gryffindor Dorms."

"In one piece."

The Weasley twins grinned at each other as Ron paled at the implications.

Harry knew that Ron's siblings were up to something when they suggested for Cedric to wear his best friend's clothes. He already knew that the twins were already in the process of mass-producing and inventing new products for their soon-to-open joke shop.

Harry was sure that the twins were looking forward to testing some of them on their sibling.

"No need." Cedric smiled at everyone. "This is a perfect situation to demonstrate the disillusionment charm's uses.

"Occulta Talpa"

Cedric drew a circle above himself with his wand before ending it with the wand's tip pointing at his person.

The desired effect of the spell happened, Cedric Diggory faded from their very eyes, invisible to everyone.

"Finite"

As soon as Cedric uttered another incantation, he was immediately visible to everyone in the room with his torso completely covered by his shirt.

"As you can see, you're very much undetectable when you're under the effects of disillusionment charm." Cedric lectured. "Placing the charm on cloaks and you get an invisibility cloak."

"In time, the charm loses the effects." Ron voiced out.

"Weasley's right, the disillusionment charm has a certain time limit, if you want to continue its effects, you need to cast the charm constantly."

The lectures continued as Cedric's shirt was now visible to everyone while Hermione was making sure that Dennis, and the others, kept their wands inside their robes. A few moments later the students practiced the charm on the cloaks that the room they were in provided, and eventually on each other and themselves.

"I think it's imperative that we all cast the disillusionment charm when we come here." Ron voiced out. "That way, Umbridge and her cronies wouldn't be able to catch us."

"That's brilliant Ronald!" Hermione praised. "You are brilliant!"

------------

Over the course of the month, the Defense Association has continued learning different spells, charms, curses, and counter curses during their time in the Room of Requirement.

Things they should be learning in their Defense Against the Dark Arts class.

As with any other group rebelling against a person of power, their luck ran out. Someone ratted out the group which brought this situation.

As with Ron's suggestion, as soon as everyone had at least a small grasp about the disillusionment charms, everyone went to the Room of Requirement under the effects of the said charm.

For the students who have yet to successfully cast the spell, they went with the people who knew how to cast them, fortunately, every year level from each house had at least nine students who were quite adept with the spell, as such they were able to continue Defense of the Dark Arts lessons undiscovered.

When Dobby the house-elf appeared in front of Harry, with a fearful look on his face.

"Umbridge?" Harry questioned the house-elf he had been acquainted with. "Is she coming?"

Although from what Harry could see from the house-elf's facial expression, he already knew the answer.

"Yes! Harry Potter yes!" Dobby exclaimed as he beat his bare feet on the floor.

Harry immediately faced his schoolmates, who were motionless and terrified at the revelation.

"What are you waiting for?!" Harry bellowed out. "Run!"

"No!" Cedric was quick to compose himself. "No one panic!"

"D-Diggory! Umbridge is coming!" Ron argued.

"Panicking could escalate the situation to uncontrollable levels." Cedric reasoned. "We would all be caught as we run for safety."

"What do you propose we do?" Hermione challenged.

"First off, Dobby, stop punishing yourself and go back to the kitchens with the other elves," Harry ordered, "If someone asks if you warned me, lie and say no and I forbid you to hurt yourself."

The house-elf complied and disapparated from the room.

"Everyone, use the disillusionment charms," Cedric stated his own instructions. "You all need to find a corner before using the charm on yourselves." He continued as he gestured towards the four corners of the room. "As for Harry and I…" He trailed off.

"What will you do?" Cho asked, worried for her ex-boyfriend.

"I want you to follow my lead, Harry."

"Well?" Harry, Cedric, and everyone else heard Umbridge's shrill voice from outside the room. "Where were you supposed to meet?"

Harry and Cedric stared at the wall where the voices came from with narrowed eyes.

"I-in there." A stuttering voice answered.

Harry closed his eyes and placed his hand at the wall, from where he was hearing the voices of both Umbridge and the traitor student, and concentrated. He utilized his lightning flames on the wall and hardened them.

"Bombarda."

Umbridge can be heard casting a blasting spell on something, which shook the castle.

"Augh?!"

"That should buy us a few minutes at best." Harry shared. "I think everyone should leave the room."

"Okay," Cedric nodded. "Everyone, don't dispel the disillusionment charms, only dispel them once all of you are at the stairway." He instructed.

"What about you two?"

"As much as it pains me to say this, Harry and I need to stay so that the traitor won't be sent to Azkaban for relaying false information, you know how despicable our current minister is."

"What?!" Hermione and Ron growled. "Why would you want to save the traitor?!" Ron sneered. "You're supposed to be angry at them!"

"Oh I am," Cedric growled with his eyes narrowed. "If there's one thing I hate the most and those are traitors."

"Then why?"

"Bombarda Maxima."

Everyone was silent, staring at the wall as if it were to break any time.

"To answer your question, the three of you know how the prisoners of Azkaban are treated," Cedric reasoned. "Would you really, knowingly, sentence one of your fellow students to Azkaban despite their actions today?"

"But."

"The three of you know what he was like when he met you."

"H-how." Harry stared at Cedric.

"Padfoot and I talked," Cedric admitted. "There were times that the both of us were alone in a room."

"I…" Hermione trailed off. "I suppose you're right." She sighed. "I hope the charm I cast on the list would be enough punishment for them." She muttered.

"Bombarda Maxima."

Another blast shook the room as the wall that Harry had placed his hand on earlier began to show signs of cracks, it wouldn't hold out much longer.

"All of you should really head back." Harry urged.

"Be careful all of you."

"Incarcerous."

A piece of rope appeared at the tip of Cedric's wand and bound Harry's torso.

"Follow my lead and struggle a little." Cedric whispered.

As soon as the Diggory was able to relay his instruction, he exhaled loudly and put on a show.

"Potter what were you thinking! Why would you still insist of visiting this place?!"

"Bombarda Maxima."

An explosion shattered the wall that Harry had hardened earlier and some chunks of the wall were flung in every direction.

"Well, well, well what do we have here?" Umbridge's sweet voice exclaimed.

"Potter, Diggory I expect that you both know what we're here?"

"Yes," Cedric replied. "I followed Potter here knowing what he came for here."

"I just wanted to see them." Harry exclaimed.

"Who might you want to see Mr. Potter?" Umbridge questioned with the same shrill in her voice.

"I wanted to see my parents." Harry replied glared at both Ministry workers.

"Wha- Boy your parents are dead!" Minister Fudge face went red at the exclamation. "I see where this is going, since people were smart enough not to believe about you-know-who returning, you resorted to lying about your parents."

"Actually he's not lying Minister," Cedric interjected. "There's a magical object in the school that allows for such a feat to happen."

"Galloping gargoyles! A dark artifact in the school!" Minister Fudge exclaimed. "And you said Potter's been using said artifact daily?"

"What's it to you?!" Potter growled.

Uncomfortable at the boy's answer and glare, Fudge opted to move the discussion to the headmaster's office.

As soon as they arrived, Umbridge and Fudge questioned both Harry and Cedric on what they were in the office for.

"I believe I answered the question earlier Professor Umbridge." Cedric offered with a smile. "I was there to stop Potter from using a magical object to see his parents."

"Ah the Mirror of Erised, an artifact of this school since before I attended Hogwarts." Dumbledore hummed. "I believe I had warned Mr. Potter from using the artifact during his first year, many witches and wizards had gone crazy over the artifact." He nodded.

"So it is a dark artifact." Minister Fudge exclaimed.

"Hardly Minister." Dumbledore shook his head. "The mirror of Erised simply shows the user what they desire the most, for example, what I see in the mirror are a pair of wooly warm socks."

"I've seen the mirror myself and what appeared was the Hufflepuffs getting the respect we deserve." Cedric offered.

"Diggory my boy, you embody the loyalty and acceptance that Helga Hufflepuff expects on the members of her house." Dumbledore praised.

Umbridge cleared her throat in that annoying fashion and immediately garnered everyone's attention.

"Regardless of the Dark Artifact, We are here to question Potter whether he was in direct violation of existing Ministry Decrees, do you know Mr. Potter?" Professor Umbridge smiled at him.

Harry's eyes went to Dumbledore before he answered.

"Ye-No."

"I beg your pardon?" Minister Fudge sputtered.

"No." Harry firmly stated.

"You do not know why you are here?"

"Apart from the mirror, No I don't."

Minister Fudge glanced at Potter, Diggory, and Umbridge a few times. He questioned the Potter a few more times before visibly sagging.

"If I may Minister," Umbridge silkily voiced out. "We might get better results if our informant is here."

"Yes, yes!" Minister Fudge straightened his body. "Please do, there's nothing like a good witness is there, Dumbledore?"

"Nothing at all Cornelius." Dumbledore nodded as Umbridge beckoned for a person hidden in robes to step forward.

"Don't mind the marks dear." Umbridge urged the robed person.

The robed person nodded and removed the hood from her head before gasping in shock and immediately reapplied the hood on her person, but not before everyone saw the marks on her face that spelled 'Sneak', and identified as Cho's friend: Marietta Edgecombe.

Despite the Minister's and Umbridge's urgings, Marietta remained tight-lipped which forced Umbridge to relay what the Edgecombe girl told her.

"I admit to attending such gathering Professor Umbridge." Cedric voiced out, earning a wide-eyed glance from Harry. "However, I believe there were no ministry decrees that prohibited such meeting in the first place, at least at that time."

"You are right, Diggory, my boy," Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "You can't very well consider Mr. Potter's actions as illegal."

"However the decree has existed for weeks wouldn't you agree that continuing the meeting would be considered illegal, Dumbledore." Umbridge sweetly challenged.

"Do you have evidence that such meetings continued even after the decree was established?" Dumbledore politely questioned. "Even Mr. Diggory's testimony belie you're your assumptions, Dolores."

"Evidence? Why do you think Ms. Edgecombe is here Dumbledore?"

"Can she tell us weeks' worth of meetings then?" Dumbledore raised his eyebrows. "I was under the impression that she was merely reporting a meeting tonight."

Umbridge began to coax an answer out of Edgecombe but the girl denied everything, apart from the first meeting.

In frustration to the recent turn of events, Umbridge began to manhandle Edgecombe but Dumbledore's glint and the present aurors' level-headedness stopped the recent DADA Professor from hurting the girl more.

Umbridge proved to be more thorough as she retrieved a piece of evidence from her person, a list of students who were present at the meeting at Hog's Head. Imagine the horror and surprise of the minister as soon as it was revealed that the list of names was titled 'Dumbledore's Army.

Due to that revelation, Hogwarts's Headmaster was forced out of the school and escape capture on the grounds of rebellion.

-----------

While in the middle of Umbridge's detention, just before Umbridge was able to complete the incantation for the Cruciatus curse on Harry after catching them red-handed snooping around her office, Hermione was able to convince the newly-minted Headmistress from uttering the last syllable of the curse, on the pretense that Dumbledore prepared a weapon against the Ministry.

Or so what the others had told Cedric after catching them casting a few stunners on the members of the inquisitorial squad.

"You know Harry." Cedric offered. "He has this hero-complex and just has to save everyone and won't be told otherwise."

"That's what Hermione thought too." Ron agreed.

"In any case, I'm guessing you'd be accompanying Harry at the Department of Mysteries then?" Cedric questioned.

"He can't stop us!" Ginny responded haughtily.

"Good because I'm coming as well." Cedric smiled

The Diggory conjured a few pieces of ropes from his wand and immediately restrained the stunned members of the inquisitorial squad.

Moments later, the group of five intercepted both Hermione and Harry as they ran back to the castle. They then relayed what happened between Umbridge, the Centaurs, and Grawp.

"I didn't know Hagrid had a younger sibling." Cedric voiced out.

Harry didn't really want to bring anyone else to the Ministry of Magic to save his godfather however Neville, Ginny, Luna, and Cedric were insistent on coming up until Harry pointed out that he had no way of bringing a large number to the ministry all by himself.

"We could ride on top of the thestrals." Luna suggested.

"I'll do you one better, let's use Floo in Umbridge's office," Cedric grinned. "We'll be there instantly."

-----------

Harry's fifth year ended with him grieving the loss of his godfather and revelations of the prophecy that was apparently about him.

-----------

The summer into his sixth year, Harry had a curious dream that felt all too real. It showed some things that happened right after Sirius's death. Everything right after Voldemort's defeat.

Apparently, he was involved in a mafia war sometime in the future when he was inducted into the Vongola Famiglia and assisted the assassination squad his mentor was a part of during this war.

This also gave him some insights into the upcoming war. He remembered the supposed fictional stories his future self told two kids he somehow knew as Lambo and Ipin soon after meeting the kids in question.

More importantly, he remembered the bits of information he told another baby, Reborn, on how he was affiliated with the Vongola, how Mammon mentored him and taught him to use flames.

Harry also doesn't know how to feel with the knowledge that his aunt, uncle, and cousin, not to mention Aunt Marge were among the very first casualties in the war against someone named Byakuran. It was probably Alberto's connection to them that caused their deaths.

Speaking of his favorite mentor, he felt very sad upon learning of Alberto's demise. He did feel a lot better once he realized that it happened in the future, in the years to come.

He still has a chance to change that considering that Reborn and his students didn't use time turners to travel through time, unlike what he and Hermione did.

It was time for training with his mentors when Harry found himself face to face with both of his mentors adopting a very somber expression.

Two days had just passed since he received those weird memories or dreams.

"I see you're addled with a prophecy." Mammon broke the silence.

"I take it that the dream was real?" Harry asked.

"As real as it can get." Alberto nodded.

"We need to up your training considerably."

------------

And the training was upgraded significantly, not only was Harry trying to dodge bullet fire from illusory assailants, he was also dodging spellfire from illusory wizards and witches, but instead of firing green beams of death, it just fired off indigo beams.

On top of upping his reaction time, Mammon also added environmental awareness to the mix.

Alberto told Harry everything he knew, from utilizing rocks as a means of distraction to using sand to blind one's enemies.

The brief lesson with Alberto was immediately put to the test with Mammon, who was relentless in training Harry up to at least the lowest Varia grunt standards.

Alberto on the other hand, apart from teaching Harry environmental awareness and environmental utilization, taught the boy about information gathering and stealth.

By the end of the training for the month, Harry was able to blend himself into his surroundings and able to gather some information but he still has trouble identifying what information was relevant to his tasks.

"We need to finish the training early," Mammon floated towards their student. "The arcobalenos need to get in touch with each other and gather any useful information we may need. Unfortunately, the whole time the boss candidate was in the future, most of us were busy reforming ourselves from within our pacifiers."

"At the cost of Uni's life." Harry muttered under his breath.

"Think nothing of it," Alberto squeezed Harry's shoulders.

------------

Harry discovered for himself, while he was training for information gathering, that he fancied riding the trains of muggle London and that was what he did after Alberto and Mammon departed from England to complete their respective goals from within the mafia.

While it was a bit reckless, considering how Voldemort wanted to kill him badly, he still went on trips using the train and ate at a diner at the train station.

One might be curious why Harry eats at a diner but when you know Harry Potter, you'll know why he likes to eat outside.

Dumbledore commissioned his presence and they recruited a former teacher to teach at Hogwarts. The Headmaster was not shy in explaining to Harry why his presence was needed, and frankly, he can understand the reason.

Once the recruitment process was done, he was unceremonious apparated near the Weasley's burrow where he remained for the rest of the summer.

-----------

During his sixth year in Hogwarts, Harry was preoccupied. He was preoccupied with the memories he received as a dream that detailed the war that happened after Voldemort. The war that will happen years after Hogwarts.

While he was thankful for the information his future-self's memories gave him regarding the second Wizarding war, it was incomplete. He has a very vague idea on what kinds of things he would be searching but what specifically those were, he had no clue.

"Something the matter mate?" Ron questioned his best friend.

"No, nothing," Harry shook his head. "Just thinking."

"Thinking about what?"

"Voldemort and this whole war."

"We can think about Voldemort later, we're going to be late in Professor Slughorn's class." Hermione gasped as she dragged both boys with her.

Professor Slughorn, the Professor, Harry, and Dumbledore visited one summer evening to convince that he go teach back at Hogwarts.

As soon as the academic year started, Headmaster Dumbledore began giving Harry private lessons and during one of those lessons, the headmaster explained to him the reason why Professor Slughorn had to come back to the school, and how he was tasked in acquiring very vital information.

It took Harry a few more tries before he resorted to using the Felix Felices, liquid luck, to finally gain the information he and Dumbledore needed to confirm how many Horcruxes the Dark Lord made which, if Harry was being honest, he already knew beforehand.

One of the things he remembered in the set of memories that were given to him in a dream were the things that Voldemort placed his soul fragment unto A notebook, a ring, a locket, a cup, a diadem, and a snake.

"If I tell you to leave me and save yourself, you will do as I tell you?" Dumbledore questioned, testing the boy's resolve.

"I…"

"Harry?"

"Very good," Dumbledore nodded. "Go fetch your cloak and meet me at the entrance hall in five minutes' time."

The next thing Harry knew was that he was in a cave with the Headmaster, trying to locate one of the six Horcruxes that Voldemort made.

He quietly cursed his future self for not saying anything specific about this Horcruxes in the conversation with Reborn, the baby questioning him of how he came to be related to the Vongola in the future.

As soon as every obstacle was passed, every trap neutralized, Harry and Dumbledore made their way on the island inside the very dark cave using a wooden boat that was conveniently placed right at the edge of the lake.

"You remember, the condition on which I brought you here with me?"

Harry was very reluctant to follow Dumbledore now, even if he did give his word to the wizened wizard to follow every order.

"B-but sir-"

"You swore did you not, to follow any command I gave you?"

Harry gulped.

"Yes, but-"

"I warned you, did I not? That there might be danger?"

"Yes… but-"

"Well then," Dumbledore raised an empty goblet from his sleeves. "You have my orders."

"Why can't I drink the potion instead?" Harry decided to question the headmaster.

"Because I am much older, much cleverer, and much less valuable," Dumbledore answered. "Once and for all, do I have your word, Harry? Do I have your word that you will do all in your power to make me keep drinking?"

Harry wanted to protest but Dumbledore wasn't listening and kept cutting him off from his reservations towards the actions the old man was making him do. In the end, he relented and gave his word.

Harry first watched the wizened wizard dip the crystal goblet Dumbledore produced into the potion and drank it. He watched this process repeated two more times before he was forced to force-feed the potion unto the old wizard.

Harry repeated empty words of assurance, in an attempt to make the old wizard, and by proxy himself, feel better.

Once the pedestal was emptied of the potion, Harry tried to relieve Dumbledore of the negative effects the potion put the old headmaster in but to no avail, the goblet simply drained all the water from the water making spell before it reached his companion.

Harry tried more times to relieve the old professor of the ailments when a slimy white hand grabbed his arms and dragged him towards the lake.

"Sectumsempura! Petrificus Totalus! Impedimenta! Incarcerous!"

Harry defended himself against these slimy white creatures by liberally casting charm after charm, curse after curse on the slimy creatures, the inferi he realized. He even tried to climb back up where Dumbledore laid, hopelessly trying to relieve the ailments from the potion had on the professor.

Soon after, Harry was overwhelmed and was carried to the lake's waters were more of the slimy creatures submerged him and dragged him towards the bottom of the lake.

Why can't his lightning flames electrocute these creatures? He can always turn the inferi to stone, but he was still having a hard time summoning his sky flames, despite its latent nature.

When Harry was ready to succumb to the hopelessness of the situation, wisps of flames began attacking the inferi, burning them to cinders despite being underwater. He immediately swam back to the surface and there he saw Dumbledore, now on his feet, controlling the flames with ease, even in his weakened state.

The pair were able to escape the inferi-infested cave as the inferi had a sense of self-preservation to escape the fire.

-----------

Under his invisibility cloak, Harry unwillingly watched as Malfoy try and attempt to kill the weakened headmaster, as per Voldemort's orders.

As Harry watched the student and headmaster talk about Malfoy's orders, about how he was stuck between a rock and a hard place, he struggled quietly to undo the effects of the freezing charm someone apparently placed upon him.

As soon as he was able to move, Harry retrieved his wand but he was immediately stopped by the timely appearance of Professor Snape, who simply gestured for him to be silent.

"You're going to kill him aren't you?" Harry questioned. "There has to be another way to save him."

Harry remembered the supposed fictional story he told Lambo and Ipin about how a lion urged the snake to kill him. With Dumbledore's pleas to Malfoy not to go through with Voldemort's orders, there could only one person associated with the snake, and that was Professor Snape.

Apart from actions and conversations, the memory of his future self also told him his future self's thoughts and mindset during those times, including why he told Lambo and Ipin his story at Hogwarts.

Professor Snape's face was stoic, there was no outward reaction to Potter's question.

"The Dark Lord is ruthless." Professor Snape shook his head.

As soon as Professor Snape left Harry, few more Death Eaters appeared and walked towards Draco, egging the young Malfoy to cast the killing curse on the weakened headmaster.

"No."

"Severus Please."

"Avada Kedavra"

Harry gulped as he watched the light of the killing curse erupt from Professor Snape's wand and hit Albus Dumbledore's chest, throwing him off of the Astronomy tower, dead.

The Death Eaters, alongside Draco and Snape, were quick to make their escape, with Professor Snape dragging a very shell-shocked Draco along by the cuff of his dress robe.

Harry gave chase to the fleeing Death Eaters, casting curse after curse at the fleeing group but in the end, Professor Snape proved to be a powerful wizard on his own, able to flawlessly block every spell he cast.

"Using the spells I invented against me, Potter?" Professor Snape sneered. "Yes, I am the half-blood prince."

------------

Harry's sixth year ended with him losing another person he cared about a lot, Headmaster Dumbledore. Even with the benefit of knowing the events to come, he wasn't able to save Dumbledore's life.

Harry failed to stop Professor Snape from fulfilling the late headmaster's wishes.

Harry simply shook his head as he exited the 9 3/4 platform to enter King's Cross station and waited for his uncle to pick him up from the station.

Imagine Harry's surprise when he saw Alberto and Mammon arrive at the station.

"Get in the car, we're planning for the war." Mammon ordered.

Harry complied.

---------

Alberto dropped Mammon and Harry off at Privet Drive before he went somewhere else.

Harry was surprised that a lot of people were already inside. He can immediately identify the other arcobaleno present, from his mentor to being reintroduced to Reborn.

"Potter." Reborn greeted.

"Reborn."

"A war."

"Yes, Volde-"

"I'm going to stop you there," Reborn cut Harry off. "Your future-self told me that mentioning the Dark Lord gives away our position." The baby with the yellow pacifier then turned to his mentor. "I thought you trained your student well Mammon?"

"Shut up Reborn, unlike you I'm not a Spartan trainer," Mammon scoffed.

"Reborn." A kid with brown hair groaned.

"Apparently you still need training Dame-Tsuna." Reborn clicked his tongue as he admonished his student in Japanese.

"Where are my uncle and his family?"

"They're at a hotel somewhere and will return here once we're done laying the plans for the evacuation of the Dursleys." Mammon answered.

"If I told you about Riddle, that's his real name, then I also told you of the policies enacted during his reign in Wizarding Britain."

"We will accept." The kid with brown hair declared in English.

"Dame-Tsuna don't go making decisions without hearing them out." Reborn admonished his student as he hit him…

With a green paper fan?

Suddenly the green paper fan transformed into a green lizard…

That happened…

Transfiguration?

Harry decided to pin what he just witnessed at a later date.

"We have a lot of contacts in Wizarding Britain that we can confirm where their loyalties lie," Mammon intoned. "It does help that a majority of them are muggleborns, as this country likes to call the magical born to the magicless, they will be protected by Varia grunts under my command."

"The tenth family will ensure the smooth sailing of the mission as well as grab the muggleborns that are to be arrested." Reborn supplied.

"We have already checked the muggleborn and their families you have provided us in the future," Mammon stated. "They are merely waiting for their children to return from the school before they will be evacuated somewhere where Riddle couldn't reach."

"Oi Dame-Tsuna." Reborn switched to Japanese once more. "Call your guardians and plan the mission with them."

"Hieee!" Tsuna screamed before fishing out his phone and called.

"To help you understand the language, a few wizards in the Famiglia gave me a translating spell that you can use." Mammon gave Harry a piece of parchment.

"Apparently it works both ways, for you to understand what we're saying, and for us to understand what you're saying." Reborn sipped on his espresso.

-----------

The members of the Order of the Phoenix came, they were telling the Dursleys that they were to be evacuated from their home. That was when Mammon appeared out of thin air and told the wizards off.

"I'm sorry gentlemen but the Dursleys go with me," Mammon floated in front of Vernon Dursley. "They will be protected in Italia where your so-called Dark Lord can't reach them."

The two wizards looked at each other.

"It's okay." Harry diffused the tension. "They're with me." He gestured towards his mentor.

"Are you sure this is wise Potter?"

"They're Family."

"Very well, Mammon."

The wizards Disapparated out of the Dursleys' house.

"Do not dilly dally Vernon," Alberto barked as soon as he got inside. "We have a plane to catch."

-----------

With Harry's future knowledge, he was able to locate all of the six Horcruxes without so much trouble. He, Ron, and Hermione got in a bit of a disagreement because he won't tell them how he came across such information.

It'd be hard to tell them, especially Hermione, who wouldn't believe about another way to time travel.

In the end, they were still able to collect Voldemort's Horcruxes and destroyed them on Hogwarts grounds.

As soon as they arrived on Hogwarts grounds, before they destroyed all of the Horcruxes Harry, Hermione and Ron had on hand, he channeled his lightning flames and infused the castle's structure with it.

Imbuing the whole castle took a lot out of Harry, he was winded by the time he was done.

"You alright mate?"

"What did you do Harry?"

"I'm fine, don't worry about it." Harry dismissed Ron's and Hermione's concerns.

"But…"

"Go!"

Imagine the Death Eaters' reaction when they realized the castle's walls weren't crumbling at all even when they were hit by their most powerful spells, even the killing curse proved to be useless against the walls.

"Fred!" Percy managed to yell as soon as he noticed that the wall beside his brother was hit by a spell.

"Wha-" Fred was cutoff mid praise by his brother's scream.

"Reducto!" Ron immediately yelled and hit the death eater responsible right at the chest.

----------

When Harry learned of his status as one of Voldemort's Horcruxes, the way Professor Snape worded the events that should happen, he was reminded of Uni's fate.

Harry audibly gulped before he headed to the forest where Voldemort was to meet him. He did wonder why his future self didn't mention the fact that he had to die to win the war.

Something must have happened to his future-self that prevented his death but still win the war against the Dark Lord.

Still, it wasn't a difficult decision to make.

Without everyone's notice, Harry went to the forbidden forest where he would meet his end, to give everyone a fighting chance against Voldemort.

"Like falling asleep." Sirius answered his question.

"Will you be there with me?" Harry asked the souls of his loved ones.

"Always." Harry's mother answered.

With one last breath, Harry resolved himself to confront Voldemort and let the Dark Lord cast the killing curse on him, maybe he could even emulate his mother's example and use his sacrifice to protect everyone he cared about.

To protect Hogwarts.

To protect Vongola.

----------

Harry was surprised that he took to surviving the killing curse for the umpteenth time this fast, from his conversation with Dumbledore, it turned out that the blood that Pettigrew took from him actually tethered him to life.

In some twisted way, Voldemort became his Horcrux, minus the killings.

Harry shook his head as he faced Voldemort one final time.

----------

Harry and Voldemort were right in the middle of the Great Hall when they faced off against each other.

Utilizing the training he got with Mammon and Alberto, Harry didn't engage Voldemort directly. He retrieved one pebble he had already infused with his lightning flames beforehand and threw it in the air.

"Engorgio"

The pebble grew in size that it managed to hide Harry's form from the Dark Lord. The pebble shielded Harry from the killing curse Voldemort cast.

Voldemort tried using the killing curse multiple times but the pebble wasn't even scratched and this annoyed the Dark Lord to no end.

"Coward Potter?" Voldemort taunted.

"Coward? Never." Harry retorted as he got out of hiding and pointed his wand at the enemy.

"Aqua Eructo."

High levels of water pressure pushed the Dark Lord back a few paces, the Dark Lord was able to regain his footing and defend himself from the water expelling charm Potter cast. He was, however, soaked from head to foot and was now standing on a puddle as a result.

"Glacius."

Cold wind began to be expelled from Harry's wand. It froze the water puddle and Voldemort in his place while frost began to form on the Dark Lord's cloak and skin.

"Clever Potter," Voldemort praised. "Clearly Dumbledore managed to teach you before he passed, but not clever enough."

Voldemort drew a circle above his head with his wand and conjured flames that encircled him, melting frost and ice off of him.

"Saggita"

Harry flicked his wand in Voldemort's direction a number of times and sent an equal amount of arrows flying towards the Dark Lord.

With a simple flick of the wand, Voldemort was able to defend himself from the conjured arrows, none of them made were even able to graze him.

"Arrows, Potter? I suppose you were raised by those detestable muggles."

Voldemort soon went on the offensive as soon as the last of Harry's conjured arrows were destroyed. He sent a number of curses in the Potter's direction.

As soon as Harry realized that his opponent was on the offensive, he immediately cast a shield charm before hiding behind the enlarged pebble he set up earlier.

"Where's that Gryffindor courage Potter?" Voldemort questioned as a bluish beam was expelled from his wand. "Are you just going to hide like the Hufflepuff with you back at the graveyard?"

"Excuse you!" Harry flared. "Cedric wasn't a coward, I chose to hide him so that Wormtail won't kill him."

"Reducto"

Harry sent a reductor curse towards his opponent as soon as he finished defending his friend.

"If Hufflepuffs were cowards, we wouldn't be fighting today!" Cedric called out as slabs of stones rained down on the Dark Lord.

Voldemort drew an arc facing the falling stones, disintegrating them into dust particles.

"You insult Hufflepuffs," Harry called out.

"Saggita"

Harry summoned arrows once more and sent them flying towards his opponent.

"But they're the one thing you aren't!" Harry continued his spiel once he finished incantation for his attack. "They're humble and loyal."

Voldemort ignored Harry's words as he opted to cast more spells towards his enemy, to which Harry was able to defend against or evade altogether.

The exchange of spells between the Dark Lord and the boy who lived continued for a few moments until Voldemort declared.

"I tire of this Potter."

"Avada Kedavra!"

"Expelliarmus!"

Two beams of light were expelled from both combatants' wands: one green and one red. They met at the center and tried to overpower the other. It didn't take long for the fighting around Harry and Voldemort to cease as they watch history unfold their very eyes.

Cedric's eyes were on Voldemort and Harry all the while casting levitation charms on small glasses, to which he positioned it around both battling wizards. As soon as he was finished, he enlarged them, preparing himself if things would go wrong.

If there was one thing Cedric was able to take away from his time as a Triwizard Champion and battling at the Department of Mysteries, both events were him and Harry up against Voldemort and his band of Death Eaters, it was to be prepared for every outcome.

The killing curse might nullify shield charms, but it can't pass through tangible objects.

If for one moment Harry's disarming charm would be overpowered, he can immediately dispel the levitation charm and let the glasses and intercept the killing curse.

It didn't long for the beam of the disarming charm to overpower the killing curse. As soon as the dark lord was disarmed, through the charm, for a brief moment Voldemort's body was coated with the light of the killing curse before he fell to the ground, lifeless.

Everyone can agree that the way the Dark Lord fell was anticlimactic. Voldemort was someone who instilled fear into the hearts of many and his anticlimactic death was evidence enough that he was merely human.

----------

As with the nature of war, there were many casualties during the Battle of Hogwarts. However, the casualties would have been greater had Harry not used his flames on the castle itself to harden its properties.

Harry knew that if that had not been the case, Fred would have died when he praised his older brother.

Everyone was recuperating from the war, mourning for their losses when black mist appeared suddenly, and with the mist came three men covered in bandages under cloaks.

"Harry Potter, for violating the mafia laws, you are hereby sentenced to life imprisonment."

"What?!" Hermione exclaimed. "What do you mean violating mafia laws, we're wizards and mafiosos!"

"Hermione, calm down," Harry tried to appease his friend. "I knew it was a matter of time."

"But Harry, yo-you're not part of the mafia, are you?" Hermione questioned.

Harry looked away, unable to answer his friend's question.

"What is the meaning of this?!" Molly growled. "Who are you?!"

"We are the wardens of the Vendicare Penitentiary, we are here for Harry Potter for his violations of the mafia law, one of which is revealing to the populace the powers held secret within the world.

"Harry Potter won't be coming with you." Someone spoke in Japanese as a number of people arrived from the bridge.

"Vongola Famiglia." One of the Vindice wardens acknowledged.

"Are you going to negotiate for Harry Potter's release Vongola Tenth Boss candidate?" The Vindice wardens questioned, speaking in the same language as the speaker from before.

"Harry Potter cannot be incriminated from the crimes in which you have committed."

From the mist, a brunette with orange eyes looked at the wardens directly.

"What crimes did we commit that we are supposed to pass unto Harry Potter."

"The reveal of the mafia society and the world's secretive abilities to the people around us was your doing," The brunette stepped forward until he was beside Harry. "The castle walls are indeed coated with lightning flames, however, it isn't noticeable by the non-mafia people who dwell in this place."

"Very well, you've made your case quite clear Vongola Tenth Boss candidate, Tsunayoshi Sawada." Black mist began to surround the three wardens. "However, let this be your warning Harry Potter, revealing the mafia world's secrets will only be met with one punishment.” The wardens switched to English.

"I understand." Harry nodded.

"They were surprisingly lenient," Mammon commented. "I suppose we won't look a gift horse in the mouth."

"Good work Dame-Tsuna, I guess I'll make a good boss out of you yet." Reborn smirked.

"Hiiieee! What was I thinking?!” The brunette named Tsuna screamed in terror. "I willfully crossed paths with the Vindice!

"As expected of the tenth!" A silver-haired boy looked starry-eyed at Tsuna.

"Thank you for that Tsuna," Harry smiled at Tsuna. "I owe you one."

"Remember the Vindice's warning Harry."

"I will Reborn."

"Dame-Tsuna stop screaming we're leaving." Reborn kicked his student's back.

"Hiiieee!"

"We'll reconvene at Privet Drive." Mammon gave the final world before all four of them disappeared from view.

Everyone looked at Harry with wide eyes and mouth, taking too long to process what just happened.

"Mafia?!" One muggleborn screamed.

"Harry tell us, what did those wardens mean?" Hermione looked concerned for her friend. "Tell us what you are allowed to tell us."

"To make a very long story short, I acquired some abilities that are apparently unique to their world, after the events of the Chamber of Secrets," Harry slumped to the wall behind him. "Frankly, I don't know why they took this long to come to get me, I actually expected them to get me after the Triwizard Tournament."

"You used your abilities when we first faced Voldemort in that cemetery." Cedric pointed out. "Why?"

"I can't let you die Ced."

"You risked a lot when you saved me." Cedric concluded.

"And I was ready for the consequences, it could also mean that Voldemort won't be able to touch me there." Harry admitted.

"Although, knowing what I know now, it wouldn't kill Voldemort for good." Harry whispered to himself

"You're good bloke Potter." Cedric ruffled Harry's hair.

Percy, unexpectedly, rushed towards Harry and hugged the boy as tight as he could.

"Percy's gone loony." Ron commented.

"Ronald!" Hermione admonished

"Thank you, thank you," Percy expressed his gratitude. "If it hadn't been for you, Fred would've died."

"Oi! What are you talking about?" George called out.

"If Harry didn't use his ability on the castle, the spell that hit the wall near Fred…" Charlie Weasley hummed.

"It would've collapsed on Fred." Bill shared his realization.

George's immediate response was to hold onto his twin tight as Molly immediately engulfed her twin sons in a tight hug.

"Oi mum."

"Let your mother have this boys." Arthur shook his head.

"So you're really keeping the Elder Wand?" Ron questioned.

"I'm storing it someplace that no one knows, no one from the Wizarding World would know."

"Wouldn't putting it back inside Professor Dumbledore's grave work?" Hermione asked.

"Hermione's right," Arthur nodded. "It was one of his prized possessions after all."

"We can't risk the elder wand falling into the wrong hands," Harry shook his head. "It was already stolen when it was inside Dumbledore's grave once.

"Wouldn't that be called hiding in plain sight?" Bill offered.

"While that would work for a few short time but some people would be willing to risk robbing Dumbledore's grave once more on the off chance that we were indeed loony to store it back to the place where it was once stolen," Ron offered his advice. "Harry's plan to store it somewhere where no one from the wizarding world knows is good."

"I see your point." Bill nodded.

"You've grown Ron." Percy praised.

"It's Brilliant." Hermione grinned. "He's brilliant."

Harry, Ron, and Hermione shared a knowing smile.

----------

The days preceding the Battle of Hogwarts, Harry was busy.

Harry's first order of business, before even taking the time to recuperate was to ask Reborn or Mammon of a secure place to hide the Elder Wand. Muggles have no use for the wand but waving it around could cause irreparable damage or casualties.

After resting for a few days, Harry attended all the funerals for the people that lost their lives in the war, he felt like it was his obligation. He can't stop feeling like the whole second wizarding war was in his name.

The teachers found themselves thanking Merlin at the fact that the casualties were only from the ministry workers and aurors and no one from Hogwarts's student body perished, even the students who were forced to stop attending.

The muggleborn students that the Vongola has taken under their care, with their families included, were back on British soil attending the academic year following Voldemort's defeat.

The Dursleys were also back on British soil but they did not return to Privet Drive, opting to find another place of residence. Vernon was still vehement that he was out of the Family business, to which Alberto and the higher-ups of the Famiglia respected.

Harry never met the Dursleys once more after their evacuation from Privet Drive.

Time passed and Harry found himself affiliated with both the Wizarding World and the Mafia World. He saw no reason in using his flames outside the Mafia World's jurisdiction but he found every reason to continue using magic even outside the Wizarding World.

It does help that one of the people holding a seat at the ICW was a member of the Vongola.

Speaking of the Vongola, Harry found himself leading a wizarding squad to protect the Vongola boss from attacks that were magical in nature. All the while holding a position as an Auror for Wizarding Britain.

One would normally think it'd be impossible holding two posts from two different organizations but he has someone he can trust within the Vongola and his best friend within the auror corps.

The next thing that happened was Tsuna succeeding the Vongola throne after the younger boy graduated from high school as he himself found himself siring children with Ginny.

------------

Harry's marriage to Ginny forced him to tell his best friends, the entire Weasley family, and the Lupins about his mafia connections.

Surprisingly, they took it well.

"We had Hermione explain it to us mate," Ron smirked. "And we all agreed that there could have far worse things that could've happened to you as soon as you got those flame-like abilities."

"Honestly Harry." Hermione groaned. "How do you get yourself into this situations?"

"The three of us have asked the same question ever since Hermione, you know that."

"He's got you there, Hermione." Ron chuckled.

"Fair point."

-----------

After the war, Kingsley Shacklebolt was appointed by the ICW as Minister. He soon stepped down and appointed Percy Weasley as replacement three years into his reign.

Percy, who was a workaholic, felt like he has had neglected his family, and stepped down as Minister three years into his first child and took up his father's old position in the ministry under the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Office for the Detection and Confiscation of Counterfeit Defensive Spells and Protective Objects.

Most of what his office has confiscated were counterfeit of his twin brothers' products.

Cedric Diggory was elected as Minister of Magic right after Percy stepped down. Shacklebolt's and Percy's reigns as Minister of Magic were transition periods for Wizarding Britain from Voldemort's take over.

Cedric's reign as Minister came right after he retired as a professional Quidditch player. Diggory's reign was rehabilitation of the magical places that were destroyed from the wizarding war. He also changed the maximum interval of when the elections were to be held: from seven years to five years.

Coincidentally that was how many years Percy reigned as Minister of Magic.

He was largely successful in his reign as minister but he realized soon after his second term that the tensions between the pureblood and muggleborn wizards will still be there as long as he remained in office.

For the greater good, Cedric stepped down as Minister halfway into his third term and appointed Hermione Granger as his replacement, to quell the resentment of the muggleborn wizards born from the wizarding war.

As soon as Hermione took office, she immediately opened up two advisory slots, one of which was occupied by Cedric, under her request and the other by a fellow Gryffindor and photojournalist turned politician: Colin Creevey.

Another change Hermione has established into wizarding Britain was the abolishment of the Sacred Twenty-Eight.

With her muggle knowledge, she was able to make wizarding Britain fear the very notion of in-breeding, citing examples of what happened to the Gaunt and Black families and their demise because of it.

Due to her intimidation tactic, it ensured that less and less witches and wizards would suffer the same affliction that plagued the pureblood families of old.

The transition periods that Ministers Shacklebolt and Weasley reigned on top of Minister Diggory's successful reparation of the different places affected by the war and his charisma helped Minister Granger foster an era of coexistence between the witches and wizards of wizarding Britain regardless of blood status.

[make-it-mavis]

Homesick (Entry #35)

(cw: discussion of addiction) ----------

01/23/88   4:02 PM

Hey.

So. I’d admitted that I was an addict. 

Which was, as I’d realize in the days after, not just a sentence you could say and be over with. It was an admission to so many things, many of which I’d been trying so hard not to believe over the course of my addiction. That it really was that bad. That it wouldn’t just go away with time. That I could not stop of my own free will. That I couldn’t fix myself alone.

That counselling really was my one chance at beating this thing for good. 

Which, in itself, was a scary thought. If it was my last chance, I could not screw it up. And I’ve always loved screwing things up. It’s so, so important that I get this thing right, and it’s been really hard at points to picture myself doing that. Even as early as the second step, I felt doomed to fail.

The second step, of course, is Hope. 

Hope that a higher power could save us from ourselves.

Yeah. It’s not that I don’t believe in the Devs. I do, unfortunately. It’s just that I’ve always believed they’re fickle dickwads who don’t give a crit about any of us. They’ve only ever been a source of pain for me. Honestly, I outright hate the Devs. So being faced with this idea that if I didn’t find faith, I could not complete this extremely important counselling, I was understandably more than a little stressed. I didn’t get why that had to be part of the deal. So many of the steps are built around this faith. It’s integral. I had to beg the question: Do only Devout deserve saving?

Fix-it’s response to my spirited rants was to suggest that it did not necessarily have to be the Devs, just a higher power. Something bigger than him or me, some deeper meaning to life, something I truly believed in. Like he, himself, while he is a practicing Devout, places more importance on ‘duty’ than anything else. ‘Duty’ informs his actions, ‘duty’ colors his lens of the world. I probably don’t need to tell you the jokes I made out of that. He didn’t seem to get it.

That widened things up, I’ll give him that. But it widened them too much. I could either pick the Devs, or pull something out of my ass and make a religion out of it. The latter sounds like something I’d only enjoy doing while high, for cuss’ sake. I’ve never been too big on philosophies in general. Partying hard had always been enough of a philosophy for me, but then I went and partied too damn hard and wound up the mess that I was. A junkie with no rhyme or reason.

Step two was looking even more depressing than expected.

On the night before my third session, Fix-it brought out a surprise that he thought might help me relax or cheer up or what have you. He laid down a tarp, a few blank canvases, and gave me an assortment of tubes of paint and scraggly, used brushes. I was a little taken aback. I so rarely use normal, boring, non-magical paint. I was worried that using it would just make me feel worse about my brush still being on the fritz, but I was drawn to the naked canvases anyway. Fix-it sat at the table and watched as if he had put down food for a feral raccoon and wanted to give it space. Having him watch may have bothered me at one point in time, but he had done a genuinely pretty cool thing for me. I’d deal.

And let’s be real -- I am a feral raccoon.

It didn’t take me long to decide what to paint. The one thing that had been consistently on my mind: Revenge on Worluk. All in various gruesome ways. In one painting, I’d ripped her throat out with my teeth. In another, I crushed her with a giant fly swatter. The last one, which was my favorite, showed her dismembered and built into a chair that I was sitting on.

Fix-it said they were all beautiful, and they’d look so good on the shelf in the broom closet. I argued for a place in the kitchen, but no, he insisted that they’d look better in the closet.

As I worked, as I painted the gnarly details on that bug’s face, I couldn’t help but wonder what she had done for step two. What was her higher power? What could she possibly turn to for peace after what she had done to me? The Devs? Duty? Or are there just some things you can never make peace with? That is, if she even felt remorse for it at all. I couldn’t imagine a remorseful pixel in her body.

And then that led to me thinking, of course… What about me? What could ever really bring me peace? I knew for sure that I felt remorse. I definitely wished I had not gone down the path I did over the course of… well, ever since you left. I’d seen and done some really awful things. There was Tapper, there was that poor sap I threatened for a hit of GC, there was… everyone else I’d come in contact with, really. My actions had taken a darker turn than I’d ever gone down before, even in my past pits of depression. My mind was so haunted by then, I didn’t recognize it anymore. Relentless, nightmarish thoughts plagued me all the time. Trauma, guilt, hopelessness, existential questions without answers. Your death, and the blame I placed on myself. My Dev-given, meaningless lot in life. Hatred from what felt like the entire arcade over a crime I didn’t commit, enough to nearly get me killed. All this weighed down on me. It had trapped me. And the only escape I could ever see was in buffs. The thing that I felt the most fondness for, the thing that I had come to long for above all else, was a mind-numbing high. Buffs could save me from my mind, even if they ended up killing it in the process. 

That was my argument in favor of the addiction.

I had to find something, anything, that would bring a counter-argument strong enough to hold up. My guilt for hurting Tapper, while it was very deep and genuine, would only have so many legs to stand on. I even remembered my weird, buff-induced conversation with the river, wherein I realized I owed my own survival to you… and to myself. That had been a groundbreaking epiphany at the time. But it was not enough. I knew that.  Because I remembered what it felt like to be in the thick of my addiction, and I remembered how no one around me mattered anymore. Nothing I owed to anyone else would make a difference to me if I relapsed and fell back into that state of mind. Neither would anything I owed myself, certainly, not with my self-preservation offline. And in the face of all those facts... I was scared.

I didn’t feel safe. I felt like the floor beneath me could have broken at any moment, and I’d lose control again. I needed something to hold onto that could actually bear my weight, because I had become quite heavily burdened. But I had no idea what that thing could be.

It was so frustrating, nearly enough to bring me to tears as I painted. I kept remembering what Wreck-it told me when we fought, about how I didn’t actually want to get better, how I just wanted to keep using everybody, so there was no use helping me. That in particular stuck with me. I didn’t understand why at first. Maybe that was true when he said it. But it wasn’t anymore. 

I didn’t want to be miserable anymore. I didn’t want to be a plague on everyone around me, not really. I wanted to get better. But the means to do so felt like a cruel puzzle I couldn’t solve. Like a battle I had already lost.

Fix-it went to bed, but I stayed up into the night painting and pondering. Even after I was done, I took one of the paintings and began slowly and idly covering it with lazy patches of color. I did some serious soul-searching that night. I tried to harness whatever it was that drove me as a living being. Whatever it was, it must have been old. Older than my knowledge of the Devs, even. I tried to cast my mind back to my very first days and remember what inspired me then, before the Devs’ gospel tainted my life. But I couldn’t come up with anything substantial. Fun, mischief, laughter, all very important things, but no solid foundations for philosophies. Philosophies that could keep me away from substances, mind you.

It seemed hopeless. But I tried to relax with my painting. I took deep breaths and let the color flow, creating no image in particular. Just beautiful, abstract motions that felt self-soothing in the cleanest way I had attempted in a while. It really did feel great to have access to a full spectrum of color again, even if it was real, physical paint and not magical like mine. I so deeply missed having full functionality of my tools. All that time without it, I’d felt like I was hobbling around with a missing limb. I need my color. It’s just embedded in who I am. Always has been.

My very first coherent thoughts after being plugged in were about the color pulsing inside my code.

I froze.

Was that it?

Could that even work?

The force bigger than me, the deeper meaning to life, the one thing that had been with me since the very first second I remember entering consciousness… well, that was color. I see it and feel it in all things, and always have. It inspires me. It does guide my actions, in a sense. 

But color? It felt too obvious, almost. It was one of the most important things in the world to me. But could I really pull a philosophy out of it?

I felt cold, but not in a bad way -- more like a refreshing breeze on a sweaty day. But that breeze also felt hundreds of miles high, with me suspended on this one new idea that I had to strengthen before it could break. What if there was something even bigger than the Devs? Something that ignored games, roles, class, age, gender? Something that, if I played my cards right, could free me from the life I felt trapped in?

Something strong enough to weaponize against the Devs’ presence in my mind?

Even kill it for good?

I remember bursting into Fix-it’s room and scaring the bits out of him. I leapt onto his bed and stained the blanket with my paint-splattered hands.

“Color,” I said firmly.

Fix-it stammered, reaching to turn on the lamp. “Wha-- Wha-- What’s-- Mavy?”

“Color,” I repeated. “That’s my higher power. I think. The thing I believe in? I think it might be color.”

He was quiet for a second, his hands raised cautiously, his mouth open in hesitation to speak. “Mavy-- Mavy, settle down, now--” he said, not really registering my relatively controlled demeanor after my very aggressive entrance.

“Don’t tell me to settle down,” I told him. For some reason, I was shaking with adrenaline. I was so unsure. I wanted to be right, but I barely felt like I had an idea.

“Oh, it’s-- It’s just that last time you started goin’ on about color, you went and stabbed your hand with a fork, so, I just wanna make sure you’re not gonna--”

“Oh...” I said, the memories blowing up in my brain. “The kaleidoscope. In my dreams-- trips-- whatever-- the kaleidoscope… Me becoming color…”

I held my sticky wet glove to my forehead, my mind connecting more and more wires. Every thought and memory coming into my head was telling me that I was right. I stared past Fix-it, feeling my heart pound. “That can’t be a coincidence. There’s no way. That all has to mean something, right?”

“C-Color?” 

“Yes!” I jabbed him in the shoulder, at which he groaned in pain. “That’s it! My stupid higher power homework. I think I’ve got it!”

I heard him give vague and confused murmurs of encouragement as he sank back down to the pillows. “That’s great, Mavy, that’s wonderful… I’m so… so happy for you...” And he was out like a light, even with the light still on.

Whatever, I thought. Maybe he didn’t understand, but I… sort of did. That was what mattered.

The following night, though, I’d have to put that thought to the test. I went into my third session of counselling with a nervous sweat. I would have to explain my revelation to the group in words, when so much of it was just… how I felt. I’d been running through my speech again and again up until the moment I sat in that circle of chairs, and as I did, I began to doubt myself more and more. I don’t know anything about making solid philosophies, or if what I made could even be considered a philosophy. Maybe my idea was actually garbage, and they wouldn’t accept it. It was so vague. I hadn’t even worked out all the kinks in it yet. I just hoped I would understand it more as I said it out loud.

Stage fright has never been a problem for me. I’m a born performer. But this was not a performance. This was real life. I had trouble opening up like that even to you, and now here I was in a room with sprites I barely knew, including one who tried to kill me. I definitely didn’t like the idea of showing vulnerability in front of her. I didn’t want her to know anything about me.

But I knew the drill. Just deal with it.

When the turns eventually came to me, I introduced myself as an addict, and told everyone that I’d done some work on step two. There were a couple claps and nods.

“Except,” I told them, “I, uh, didn’t pick the Devs as my higher power. That’s not against the rules, is it?”

“No, no, of course not,” Clyde told me. “We have a few others here who also picked their own.”

“Charity,” someone said, waving slightly.

Another piped in, “Honor.”

Then, to my shock, the raspy voice of Worluk chimed in, with just about the most unexpected word I could think of.

“Friendship.”

Yeah. That threw me off. I tried not to raise my eyebrows so obviously at her, but I had to glance at least. I found her still not quite looking my way, but without a hint of shame in her body language. Who the hell was this chick?

I told myself to shake it off. The spotlight was on me, and I had no time to be tripped up by murderous mosquitoes. 

“What about you?” Clyde asked me. “Would you like to share?”

I swallowed. Now or never. “Sure. I picked, uh… color.”

Clyde’s featureless brows raised a bit, making my stomach clench in embarrassment. “Really? Well, that’s one we haven’t heard of before. What does color mean to you, Mavis?”

I looked out at the expectant faces. Except Worluk, who was still not looking, which I tried not to read into and just carry on. She could not ruin this for me. I had to be strong and confident, like I know I am. All I had to do was say a few words. It seemed like a simple thing to do, but I felt so damn seen, and I didn’t like it. I saw some impatient frowns from sprites who still didn’t want me there, I saw some eyes full of curiosity over what I’d say, but the rest just looked… neutral. Like I was just another part of the process. Like it didn’t matter to them either way if I fumbled or stuck the landing. 

Normally, I’d hate that. But in this context? It seemed to take so much pressure off. It wasn’t about them. It was my step to take, and they were just witnesses to it.

So I took a deep breath, and I just started talking.

“Color is… everything. I mean, it’s what I do, but it’s also who I am. Y’know, inside. Color is the first thing I remember from the moment I was plugged in. I don’t just see it, I feel it. And it’s… I mean, it’s in everything. Almost all of our games have color. That’s all we are at the end of the day, just blotches of color behind screens, and that’s… that’s kind of awesome, when you think about it. It’s something everyone has in common, no matter what game or role you’re programmed into. That makes things a bit simpler, y’know, to think of yourself not as a Good Guy or a Bad Guy or an Easter Egg, you’re just… a living splash of color.”

I wasn’t sure if I was actually making any sense, but to my surprise, I saw quite a few receptive faces even leaning in a bit to listen. They were intrigued, which was encouraging. So I took it a step further.

“As far as philosophies or things to live by, well… It just got me thinkin’ like... I’m an artist. And artists know that every color is useful. Any color can be mixed, or painted over, in any shade, in any shape. And usually…it takes a lot of different colors and shades to make a beautiful painting. So when you’ve been using the same color again and again, just monochrome, or even analogous, like I have… you’re not gonna be happy. There are so many things I’ve believed, so many things that I’ve thought to be absolute truths that have led me to take buffs. Like… I’ve never been into the whole Easter Egg thing. And I thought buffs were the only thing that could save me from that. But… maybe they’re not. Color, to me, feels like…”

I sighed, trying to pull the words out of myself. “...Flexibility. Possibility. An open mind, I guess. A new color is like a new way of thinking. And... there’s always another color. There’s always another way. And… y’know, it’s probably high time I started acting like it.”

There was silence for a moment. 

But then I saw smiles, and I heard claps, even some small words of encouragement. They were congratulating me and thanking me for sharing. Even some sprites that had given me standoffish looks before were giving me grudging nods.

I… did it. I did it right.

I could hardly believe it. I felt like I’d just spilled out some of my ugliest, most confusing guts, but they loved it.

I wanted to run. I wanted to scream. It was too heavy. I was too vulnerable. 

But all I could do was… grin.

“Mavis,” Clyde said, “thank you so much for sharing. That’s just fantastic to hear. You’re gonna do great things here -- and remember that even when you stumble, it’s that faith of yours that’s going to lift you back up again. You’re going to have to hold onto it from here on out. Don’t forget that.”

“Yeah,” I sighed so hard, it made me dizzy. “Yeah, of course.”

There was a bit more discussion, and the meeting carried on as usual, as if I hadn’t just done something incredible (for me, anyway). But I had a feeling I was going to have to get used to that. Bending myself in unnatural ways to reach this lofty goal of sobriety, and then carrying on as if everything was normal.

Because that was going to be the new normal, after all.

And my first night in that new normal, I tried to find ways to embody my colorful philosophy in whatever small way I could. I looked around at everyone in the circle, and I asked myself to examine the colors that each of them made me feel, beyond what I could see. Specifically Worluk, the one who had been giving me so much trouble, making me so much more nervous than I already was.

To me, she felt… like a toxic yellow. Barely touched with green. Just bright, garish, nauseating and impossible to ignore. While everyone else just blended into each other’s vague, muted tones. It became very apparent just how much I had been ignoring the rest of the group and honing in on her.

Surely, there was something I could do about that.

I wasn’t sure how effective it would be, but I dared to challenge myself with this: If I could not mute Worluk’s color in my mind, maybe I could at least let the rest of the group grow brighter.

[gunnerpalace]

How You Fix Orihime and Chad’s Character Development

Star Trek: The Original Series. That’s it, really.

Now, hold on, let me explain!

So let us for a moment assume that Orihime, Chad, and Uryuu as a trio comprise the main cast of “The Humans” in Bleach. Let us then try applying the Kirk-Spock-Bones model onto their trio.

Now, before we go any further, it’s important to note that Kirk was not Zapp Brannigan. That’s bullshit. You can go read a big long essay on the matter if you really want to dive into it. Kirk was not hot-headed, impulsive, or a womanizer. But the relevant bit to our discussion is this:

The existence of Spock, with his easily classifiable intelligence and over-egged rationality, blinds people to Kirk’s persistent, demonstrated, textually-flagged extreme professionalism and competence:

PORTMASTER STONE: Now, look, Jim. Not one man in a million could do what you and I have done: command a starship. A hundred decisions a day, hundreds of lives staked on you making every one of them right.

Stone is not simply discussing nerve (though Kirk has, via training and self-control, developed an extraordinary capacity for operating under pressure). He’s referring also to the vast array of knowledge at Kirk’s fingertips, to his ability to evaluate specialist counsel and make good decisions quickly in a crisis, and to his dedication to and concern for his ship and its people. Kirk is the only one, even over Spock, capable of resisting the influence of a deranging virus in order to protect the ship in “The Naked Time.”

Rash? Kirk is obsessively protective, hesitant to destroy the Enterprise and its crew even when it would be safer for the galaxy for him to do so (“By Any Other Name”). This is in fact about the only time he’s “rash”. He makes an objectively bad decision in order to protect the ship. It’s not a lapse he often repeats, and he almost didn’t allow sentiment to cloud his judgment on this occasion either.

It works out in the end due to Kirk’s cunning, not Spock’s genius. As clever as Spock is, he’s not the superior multi-tasking problem solver. That’s the whole point of Kirk, and Spock respects him and his work. In “The Ultimate Computer,” when technological innovation threatens to replace living captains (Kirk included), Spock is immensely supportive of Kirk. He highlights Kirk’s leadership, suggesting that he, Spock-the-computer-expert, trusts Kirk’s personal judgment more than that of even the most advanced machines:

KIRK: Machine over man, Spock? It was impressive. It might even be practical. SPOCK: Practical, Captain? Perhaps. But not desirable. Computers make excellent and efficient servants, but I have no wish to serve under them. Captain, the starship also runs on loyalty to one man, and nothing can replace it, or him.

If Kirk takes a “leap of faith” in situations, it’s because the other choice is to sit still and die. In fact you could argue that it’s Spock who sometimes behaves irrationally in TOS, prioritising Kirk over the safety of the Enterprise in "The Tholian Web," questing endlessly to find him in “The Paradise Syndrome,” and making a desperate last-ditch effort to signal the Enterprise with limited resources (rather than preserving these in order to marginally extend the lives of everyone on board a failing shuttle craft) in “The Galileo Seven” (an episode I hate so much we’d need another damn essay).

[...]

Face it: Kirk is a big nerd who punches people sometimes, but also memorises poetry and has nice chats with Spock’s mom and loves the ship intensely.

Okay, why am I talking about Kirk (and, by proxy, Spock) so much? 

Let’s go back to trying to fit Uryuu, Orihime, and Chad, to Kirk, Spock, and Bones.

You might initially say that Uryuu is obviously Spock. You would be wrong. Uryuu is Bones. Uryuu’s whole thing isn’t logic, it’s principles. He is Mr. Principled. He got that from Souken. It animates everything he does. Sure, he can plan in advance and think things through, but even when he does that he tends to engage in some kinda dumbassery (e.g., fighting against Renji and Byakuya wildly outgunned to try and save Rukia, telling Kisuke to fix up Ichigo, deciding to go to Soul Society whatever the cost, going on a suicide mission to stop Yhwach, etc.) that is motivated by his sense of morality and ethics. He is, among the humans, the voice of common decency more so than he is the voice of rationality.

That means that Chad is Spock. In chapter 35, when Ichigo scored 23rd in their grade, Chad scored 11th. Uryuu scored 1st, and Orihime scored 3rd, so Chad is not absolutely the smartest academically, but he is often much more sober-minded and analytical than they are; he’s also street smart. (Orihime and Uryuu are both prone to flights of fancy; Chad’s only real weakness in terms of distractions is “cute things.”) This carries through in how Chad fights and understands things, which tends to be very cold and analytical. (Consider how easily he cut through Ichigo’s act about not missing being a Shinigami in the Xcution arc, or how quickly he suggested in TYBW to Kisuke that if Ichigo was allowed to do what he wanted, he might run away.)

And that leaves us with Orihime, who must, by process of elimination, be the Kirk of the group. And although that might sound surprising, go back to that final line of the description again: “Face it: Kirk is a big nerd who punches people sometimes, but also memorises poetry and has nice chats with Spock’s mom and loves the ship intensely.” Who does that sound like? Who showed grit and determination and rose to the occasion in the Numb Chandelier fight? Orihime. Who thought fast on her feet after landing in the bizarro-land of Soul Society and came up with the plan of using shihakushou as disguises? Orihime. Even Orihime’s plan to reject the Hougyoku out of existence was fairly decisive. Orihime is, early on anyway, quite capable of coming up with good and objectively correct plans, if ones often thwarted by the narrative.

So, from this, we can say something about how these characters should have developed. Uryuu basically grows about how you’d expect him to, letting go of his (supposed) hatred of Shinigami. Chad and Orihime... don’t. But this model makes it easy to see how they should’ve.

Chad should have become more vocal and forthright with his observations and analyses. He should have become the logical one who suggested plans of action on the basis of rationality, to be informed by Uryuu’s principled nature.

Orihime should have become more mature and decisive, gaining a tighter rein over her emotions but still using her creativity to make clutch command decisions with the input of her peers. Rather than routinely breaking down and thinking selfishly, she should’ve shown sober insight into what needed to be done which balanced logic and compassion; good, clear, and surprisingly nonlinear judgement.

What we actually got from both of them was the exact opposite. Their development went precisely the other direction, the point that when they were hit by the equivalent of a “deranging virus” in the form of Tsukishima’s powers, they both completely folded.

Note that I am not saying they should be identical to these model characters, but that this model provides a means to see roughly where they should’ve gone. Uryuu was The Principled One, Chad should have been The Logical One, and Orihime should have been The Decisive One.

Also, if you expand this analysis out a little bit, this becomes clear too:

Tatsuki:Sulu

Keigo:Chekov

Mizurio:Uhura/Scotty

I’m just saying.

(P.S. Sulu eventually got to captain his own ship, so, I mean, I’m just sayin’.)

[meta-squash]

Brick Club 1.2.7 “Profoundest Despair”

There’s just so much in this section, I’m just going to pick random bits that I’ve written down and go at them. I wrote a lot of notes in my February reread and even more this time.

In this section we start to really zoom in on Valjean. We go from his distant, unformed, sort of numb characterization in 1.2.6 to this deep, intense rage and injury. Hugo makes it clear that because Valjean was ignorant, but not stupid, he is able to think more about his situation and judge it (and others). It is interesting that he says this at the beginning of the chapter, and yet later on his also says that Valjean did not consciously think of any of this stuff or know what he was feeling. I’m not entirely sure how he can think things over and not think things over at the same time?

Valjean really goes for the extremes when he‘s thinking through his internal tribunal. First, he condemns his theft as extraordinary and reprehensible, then he decides that all humans should suffer greatly, then he decides that his punishment was excessive. He reaches the right answer, I think, but the machinations to get there swing wildly in terms of moral opinions.

“He asked himself whether human society could rightfully make its members submit equally, in the one case by its unreasonable carelessness and in the other by its pitiless care; and to hold a poor man forever between a lack and an excess, a lack of work, and an excess of punishment.”

This is such a good criticism of both capitalist society and the prison system. Not only is he frustrated and outraged by the extreme nature of the punishment for a rather minor crime, it’s also a condemnation of a society that, instead of helping it’s least fortunate, forces them into a bare life and a scarcity while expecting them to bootstrap themselves and survive “honestly” without giving them the ability or chance to even do so. They punish a person who desperate for being desperate due to poverty and lack of social/economic resources, but the punishment leaves them socially marked so that when they return to society, they’re stuck in the same cycle of deprivation, unable find work because no one wants to employ a former convict, so they’re left with stealing again.

There are some things that Hugo says that I just have to disagree with. “One may be wrongly irritated, but a man never feels outraged unless in some respect he is fundamentally right.” Like???? I think people just get angry when they think they’re right, but that doesn’t mean they’re fundamentally right. I’m sure Hugo got into at least one debate where the other person was fundamentally wrong and got angry? I can’t get behind this one, Hugo, sorry. People are angry all the time for stupid and wrong reasons, that doesn’t mean they’re fundamentally right.

It’s interesting, I think, that Valjean seems to have remained rather docile and neutral and empty of emotion or thought until he reaches the prison. Hugo says, “Through suffering upon suffering he gradually came to the conclusion that life was a war and that in that war he was the vanquished. He had no weapon but his hatred.” I think it’s interesting that it’s not just the suffering of poverty and hunger that makes him angry, and he doesn’t condemn society and everything until he reaches the prison. Suffering as a poor but “honest” peasant isn’t enough to reach the depths of hatred. It’s only when he reaches the prison and finds that he’s even deeper in the pit of despair and misfortune that he clings to hatred rather than numbness as a coping mechanism. It’s also not until he reaches this point that his “thoughtful” nature appears. As far as the narration is concerned for 1.2.6, he just kind of goes unthinkingly about his life, numbly doing what he has to in order to survive and for his family to survive. But when he suffers enough for his anger and hatred to flare, so too do his thoughts.

In prison Valjean has “an incomplete nature and a vanquished intelligence,” which I think is Hugo’s way of establishing him as moldable at this point. His mind “wakes up” when he reaches this point of intense suffering, but he’s still incomplete. He’s smart, but society and suffering have smothered his mind etc to the point where, in 1.2.6, he’s just going about life without much substance. Because of his intelligence, he’s able to feel that rage about his situation, and to use it as something to cling to. Hugo says it again when he’s talking about the “spark” in each soul. He really hammers home the fact that Valjean is someone who has goodness and intelligence inside him, but it’s been intensely suppressed and oppressed and needs kindness etc for it to blossom into something true.

Also, Valjean was in his late 20s when he went to prison; he doesn’t decide to go to school until he is 40. That means he’s most of his way through his sentence and extremely mired in hate before he gets an education and learns to read, etc. I think it’s interesting that he’s so mired in hate for so long, and yet when he encounters the bishop and is affected by him, it really doesn’t take very long for him to start to change. It shows the power of kindness, and really hammers home the fact that Valjean really never had felt any sort of kindness in his adult life and that “never since infancy, since his mother, since his sister, never had he been greeted with a friendly word or a kind look,” and that the bishop’s acts really had a huge impact on him.

“At times he did not even know exactly what he felt. Jean Valjean was in the dark, suffering in the dark, hating in the dark. He lived constantly in darkness, groping blindly, like a dreamer. Except, at times, there broke over him suddenly, from inside or out, a shockwave of anger, an overflow of suffering, a sudden white flash that lit up his whole soul and showed all around him in front and behind in the glare of a hideous light the fearful precipices and dark perspectives of his fate.”

Valjean’s anger seems very different from other characters in similar situations. It seems to have more light, more perspective. It seems much more self-righteous and self-preserving. Patron Minette and Valjean’s fellow inmates seem to simply accept their lot in life; they’re desperate but not angry. They don’t feel cheated by the system, they feel cheated by individuals. They do not feel they don’t belong there; they have long since accepted this is where they are, they seem frustrated or sullen, but not white-hot with rage like Valjean. Fantine is desperate and miserable but not angry; Patron Minette etc are violent and conniving but never seem to be outraged at their situation. They are “almost unconscious,” as Hugo says in 3.7.2, due to their “ignorance and misery.” Valjean, on the other hand, is still “incomplete,” I guess?

Valjean seems uniquely aware that his situation is caused by a corrupt system. Which I think is actually really interesting because of what Hugo says about about being outraged if you’re fundamentally right. In this case, the subconscious or unconscious awareness of his intrinsic goodness and “incorruptible element” makes Valjean more angry about his circumstances than someone who is not as introspective or perhaps who has totally given up and accepted their fate.

This chapter also establishes Valjean’s superhuman strength and basically describes him as a parkour master that can climb walls. I wish I could draw because reading the section describing that ability made me want a little animation of a bearded older Valjean leaping around on top of buildings.

“The peculiarity of punishment of this kind, in which the pitiless or brutalizing part predominates, is to transform gradually by a slow numbing process a man into an animal, sometimes into a wild beast.” There’s something about this sentence that is so intense and so descriptive. Again, another excellent criticism of the prison system. Only this time he straight up calls out the fact that pitiless, brutalizing punishment does nothing to help a person or rehabilitate them or do anything but totally break and dehumanize them. It feels vaguely connected to the line a page or so later, in which Valjean would look around him and say to himself “This is a dream.” The ongoing and almost inconceivable trauma of prison and galleys life making it impossible for Valjean and his fellow prisoners not to react to their circumstances in ways that either shut them down completely or make them reactionary due to ptsd.

“As motives, he had habitual indignation, bitterness, a deep sense of injury, a reaction even against the good, the innocent, and the upright, in the unlikely event he encountered them. The beginning and end of all his thoughts was hatred of human law; that hatred which, if not checked in it growth by some providential event, becomes in time a hatred of society, then hatred of the human race, then hatred of creation, revealing itself by a vague, incessant desire to injure some living being, no matter who.”

This paragraph almost seems to be Hugo foreshadowing Myriel’s kindness and the effect that has on Valjean. It makes me think of Petit Gervais, and the way Valjean’s own actions towards the innocent and unsuspecting Petit Gervais clash drastically with the effects of Myriel and start to break down all the walls and instincts Valjean built in prison.

Finally, I have a question that someone more historically inclined might be able to tell me. In the Argot section (4.7.2) Hugo describes the dungeons in the Chatelet de Paris, and says that “Men condemned to the galleys were put in this cellar until the day of their departure for Toulon.” Would Valjean have been subjected to this? Hugo doesn’t mention it in reference to Valjean, so I’m going to assume that isn’t the case, and perhaps it was an ancien regime thing that disappeared with the revolution? I just figured if Valjean had gone through that, it would have been mentioned in this section somewhere.

[addictedtostorytelling]

Part 1- Hi! (Feel free to ignore I don’t want to bother you) your lost answer to anon got me thinking about an old headcanon I could never get str8 (Jate’s my lost otp & I love suliet to pieces). In “LaFleur”, sawyer says Kate’s face is gone from his memory, 3y’s enough to get over someone. But as soon as she’s back, he keeps glancing @ her as to figure out if he believes his own words. Except from the obvious writers’ ambiguous trick to keep the “square” alive for a bit longer,

Part 2- I thought it was some sort of leftover tenderness they shared toward each other (that Jack/Juliet didn’t get) cause despite their incompatibility, I believe they genuinely loved each other. So my question really is: do you think, post “the end” S & K find à way to accept that they care about each other, help each other get over their losses, learn to belong even if it’s just in each other’s lives (as friends or more) ? Sorry for this novel and thanks.

hey @clarissemcc!

so my headcanon for how things turn out with kate and sawyer post-island is definitely on the angsty side.

i’ll tuck it after the “keep reading,” just to be safe.

___________

as the final on-screen events of the original timeline in the series finale take place, jack has made the decision to remain behind on the island (where he soon dies), and juliet is already dead, meaning that both kate and sawyer return to civilization faced with the prospect of going through the rest of their lives bereft of their respective soulmates.

both of them undoubtedly mourn.

both of them undoubtedly suffer. 

but, ultimately, kate is better equipped to cope with her loss than sawyer is his.

that’s not to say that things are easy for kate, of course.

when she is finally reunited with jack in the flash-sideways universe, the sheer yearning in her “i’ve missed you so much” admission implies that she has likely spent years on years---a full lifetime---in the ot grieving him. 

losing jack after just having reconciled with him for the first time since their falling out in the wake of their broken engagement and after everything that they had been through together both on and off of the island most certainly leaves her heartbroken and reeling. 

she probably never really gets over mourning him and wondering “what if---?”

i honestly don’t see her ever getting in another long-term relationship or marrying after him; if she was going to “settle down” in that way, he was the one person she was going to do so with.

that said, i do think that, overall, she is able to face that grief (however long she has to) because she has a sense of purpose in leaving the island. 

she’s going to help claire raise aaron.

and i tend to believe that having someplace to go and something important to do helps her endure a life without jack.

that’s where she encounters whatever healing is available to her and “learns to belong,” like you talk about.

before crashing on the island, she is a fugitive runaway with nothing good or lasting in her life, but afterward she has two people who are looking to her to provide stability for them; she has a family, a home, and, most significantly, a reason to stick around.

not so with sawyer.

before the island, he is placeless---a traveling con man, in and out of prison, lacking a solid identity, much less a sense of purpose.

on the island, and particularly during the 70s in dharmaville, he finally gains grounding, becoming a super competent leader under the guise of jim lafleur and finding a partner---in every sense of the word---in juliet.

and had he been able to leave the island with juliet and marry her, as per his plan, i think he would have continued in the upward trajectory we see from him in s5 and s6. he would have listened to his better angels.

but in the wake of losing juliet, i’m not sure he can---and not just because she’s gone but because he blames himself for her death.

for as gut-wrenching as leaving jack behind on the island is for kate---and particularly knowing that he is badly wounded and possibly close to death---she can at least take solace in the fact that jack makes a choice for himself, and she can honor his willing sacrifice by taking care of his sister and nephew.

sawyer knows no such comfort.

he blames himself for juliet’s death on multiple levels: because he asked juliet to stay with him on the island for “two weeks” which turned into three years (see episode 05x08 “lafleur”); because his behavior around kate after she returned to the island eventually prompted juliet to sign on for jack’s plan to blow up the jughead (see episode 05x16 “the incident” pt. i); and because he literally couldn’t hold onto juliet and dropped her down the shaft (see episode 05x17 “the incident” pt. ii). 

though one could try to argue with him that juliet exercised personal agency both in remaining on the island with him AND detonating the bomb, his guilt and self-loathing would never accept such appeals.

in his mind, he killed the only person he ever truly loved.

and without her, not only does he have nowhere to go and nothing to do post-island, but he also carries with him the sense that he doesn’t deserve to get to go anywhere or do anything.

he doesn’t want to carry on in her absence.

he wants to suffer for his sins.

he wants to experience every moment of agony rightly owed him for his actions.

filled with guilt, pain, and the impulse to self-castigate, i just can’t imagine him faring well.

though kate might try to convince him to not give up, i don’t think he’d listen to her or accept any attempts by her to take care of him---and particularly not because he knows that part of what persuaded juliet to blow up the warhead was her assumption, however erroneous, that he would eventually choose kate over her (“i changed my mind when i saw you look at her”).

even just being around kate as a friend would trigger his guilt in the extreme.

and while he wouldn’t blame kate---as he says he doesn’t, per the scene on the pier---he would still blame himself.

he would always blame himself.

hate himself, even.

and a self-hating sawyer is a dangerous one.

i mean, self-hatred is what underlies his jerky, bullying, posturing behavior during the early seasons of the show, right? and, by comparison, that self-hatred is of a more “garden variety,” rooted in his sense that he has become someone despicable, rather than an extremely personal sense of loss (and fault).

so much more extreme will be his bent over juliet---and so much the worse his self-sabotaging behavior as a consequence.

the pre-show sawyer is an outlaw who lives dangerously, but he ultimately possesses a self-preservative instinct; he is a consummate survivor.

that’s part of what makes him and kate so similar.

and him and juliet, for that matter.  

but this sawyer---the one who feels responsible for getting the woman he loves killed---won’t care what happens to him anymore.

so he won’t do himself in all at once---not when he has a very strong sense that he deserves to suffer for what he has done for as long as possible---but he will drink and smoke himself sick and pick barfights with guys twice his size and run cons where he’s almost sure to get caught and then pull his gun on the cops who show up to arrest him; he’ll be a fucking mess, the likes of which would make even bearded, pill-popping, oceanic-six, los angeles jack go, “oh shit.”

and without any sense of grander purpose, i don’t know that sawyer would be able to pull himself out of the spiral.

kate might try to argue that he has an obligation to take care of himself if not for his own sake than for clementine’s, but he’d probably say that his daughter’s only interaction with him being by way of the trust fund he left for her is for the best.

honestly, i don’t think his story in the ot has any kind of happy ending.

and i don’t think he lasts as long as kate does.

just based on the way i understand his character, i doubt that sawyer allows himself to find any sort of refuge with kate post-island in the ot, either friendly or romantic, even if she tries to offer it to him. he also probably eschews company of any kind from anyone, including their other friends from the island. 

for my money, there is just too much hurt and guilt in him, for which he cannot permit himself any sort of peace, so he strikes out on his own (“some of us are meant to be alone”) to disastrous effect.

while kate undoubtedly worries about him, i think that at some point, probably sooner rather than later, she makes the conscious decision to focus her energies on claire and aaron, resigning herself to the fact that sawyer doesn’t want to be saved, and particularly not by her. 

ultimately, i think their paths diverge.

she learns to live again after the island, and he doesn’t.

all of this postulation given, i’m certainly not harshing on your headcanon! it’s way happier than mine and, frankly, a whole lot nicer to think about.

lest i end on a super negative note here, i’ll finish up by saying that i find it highly significant that in the flash-sideways, kate once again finds purpose in helping claire with aaron, while sawyer is searching---not only as a detective for his parents’ killer but literally walking around with a big, yellow sunflower (his bloom of choice for juliet), trying to find where (or rather to whom) he belongs, hopeful for the life he has always wanted to lead with her. 

though he doesn’t get any kind of happy ending in the ot, at least by my estimation, he does eventually find what he’s looking for in the flash-sideways, and that reunion with juliet is so healing for him. 

anyway, i’m rambling here.

thanks for the question! feel welcome to send another any time. 

[ephemeral-afterlight]

✴ and 🐾 for the sanders sides asks?

✴ - What is your theory on the next dark side?

Hmmm… this one, I have a bit of an odd relationship with. I know a lot of this comes from the colour theory (which I do enjoy!), and subsequently means that everyone is waiting for the Orange side. I’m… honestly not sure! I don’t really think of new side theories often, so this is really the first time I’ve contemplated it. I don’t think it’d be something like “Hate” (one I see a lot) because hatred in itself is classified more as a feeling rather than a trait and would fall under Patton’s reign. Obviously, this is not a prevalent aspect of Thomas/c!Thomas’ personality, but if it were to exist, I don’t think it’s a big enough aspect to constitute a completely separate side. I see “Wrath” as well, but I’m also a little bit iffy on that one because something about it feels almost redundant. 

In terms of traits already existing, you have most of them taken already: Logan is Thomas’ logic, critical thinking skills, problem-solving, thirst for knowledge, etc., Patton is his sense of morality and holds a lot of his emotional reactions, Virgil is his anxiety, caution, and fight-or-flight response, the Creativitwins make up his creativity, passion, and drive to create, and Deceit is his self-preservation, part of his survival instinct, and the purveyor of his want to better himself through any means possible. A lot of possible traits a new side could have are already overseen by the sides that have already been introduced, which is why a new side would have to come from a very different place than the rest of them do. So, I don’t personally have many ideas on what they could be, but regardless, I believe it’ll be interesting to see what the team comes up with!

🐾 - What pet do you think each of the sides would have?

Ahh, this one will be fun! This is drawn quite a bit from my animal communication au, and I have given some thought to this before.

Logan - Okay, listen. Logan is a Nerd™ and therefore couldn’t help himself when he got a pretty raven that resides in his room. He’s pretty quiet and calm, and therefore doesn’t distract him from his work, but also allows Logan the option of stroking his feathers as a destressing technique. Nobody knows this, since he doesn’t ever allow anyone in his room, but Logan also has a cat and a dog, which are both well-behaved and don’t get into fights with each other, which is the only reason he got them in the first place. His cat is a really pretty Birman cat with deep blue eyes and the softest fur, who will sit on his desk while he’s working (which initially annoyed him), something Logan realized she does when she senses that he’s too stressed out and needs to take a break and relax. Although it used to be something he viewed as an inconvenience, now that he understands her intentions, he has a respectful appreciation for her care. His dog is a Border Collie and Lab mix, which is admittedly a much bigger dog than he was comfortable with, but she’s not too rowdy and has come to act as a therapy/emotional support dog. Apparently, she also has adopted his cat’s awareness, and will tug lightly at his shirt as her own way of getting him out of his head. He never really has been one for pets or animal in general, but he adores the ones he has, and he wouldn’t trade them for the world.

Dee - I can’t help myself. Snakes! Awesome snakes! Cold-blooded animals are his friends. He has two snakes that will chill wrapped around his shoulders, but he also has a huge Boa Constrictor named Ethel that doesn’t leave his room. He also has an enormous aquarium (floor-to-ceiling) full of all different colours and types of fish. He also has a tree frog somewhere, but she just does whatever she wants, so Dee doesn’t see her very often, at least not until she’ll randomly hop onto his hat and scare the shit out of him.

Roman - Okay, listen. He may be a prince, but he is also a princess, and therefore can talk to woodland animals and gain their trust very easily. He likes to sit in fields in the Imagination and animals will just be… drawn to him. Deer, rabbits, birds, even a huge bear that will let him use its stomach as a pillow. He just loves meeting them all! He also has a parrot named Mallory that resides in his room and will perch on his shoulder while he’s working, and the things that she says… well, without context, there have been some weird interactions with her.

Some examples of this include:

One time, Patton came up to ask if Roman was hungry, but instead found Mallory alone, sitting on a bedpost. She and Patton stared each other down without a word, and then she said “Sleep is for cishets”, and Patton never came into Roman’s room without knocking ever again.

“That’s not what eggs are supposed to be used for!”

Any time Virgil is in her presence, they curse each other out with increasingly profane vocabulary, and it is a mystery how she knows words that even Virgil has never heard before.

“No job! I’m gay, give me money!”

Once, Logan got into an actual argument with her over how the oven works. This is not the first time this has happened.

Patton walked in on Roman and Mal saying the words “Ranch dressing” to each other over and over again. He wishes he understood, but he doesn’t.

Sometimes, she’ll randomly blurt out the name of a brand of laundry soap. Roman suspects this is Remus’ doing, but he’s not 100% sure.

Deceit will take turns reciting with her the entirety of the song “All Star” by Smash Mouth line-by-line. Nobody knows when this started or why it has happened enough to routinely occur, but it’s still extremely entertaining, especially because of the monotony it’s done in. (”They don’t even sing, Logan, what’s the point?!”)

At midnight one night, Mal flew out of Roman’s room and down to the kitchen, where Patton was having a midnight snack. He didn’t notice her, at least until the words “Your elbows are my legal property,” came from behind him, and he has never screamed so loudly in his life.

“I’m going to live in a cave and you can’t stop me!”

Virgil - This comes as a surprise to exactly No One, but I do love the idea of Virgil having a few pet tarantulas to just chill with him when he’s doing mundane things. He really loves seeing all of the different types, temperaments, and species, and can name all of them very easily. He definitely prefers ones that are really calm, but he does have a few Old World tarantulas that he does not let out of their enclosures Ever because those bitches are cool, but mean. He also has a sleek black cat (for the Aesthetic) that will lounge on his bed and take his spot any time he gets up. He loves her, but he also kinda hates her, because she’s an asshole, so.

Remus - I Wasn’t Joking About The Locusts. (He also has a pet rat named Dorothy, who is actually really sweet and docile, which is an odd juxtaposition to her owner. Isn’t behaviour learned?)

Patton - Yes, he loves cats, but he can’t really be around them without needing an Epi-Pen. After many incidents involving a severe allergic reaction, Logan forbade Patton from being near them, so Patton settled for dogs instead. He still loves them just as much, though! He has a cute little Pomeranian that will happily bother whoever’s closest to give him attention, and Patton also has the sweetest blue heeler that is very friendly and well-trained, but he also has some more unconventional animals, too. He has three guinea pigs, a sugar glider, a beautiful Betta fish, a horse that stays in the Imagination, and oddly enough, a chicken, who sleeps in his bed with him every single night without fail. It’s a miracle Patton even remembers to feed all of them, but he adores every single one of his friends, so the others figure it’ll be fine for now.

[downspiral]

* / BPD ( borderline personality damon )

lil talk about damon’s behaviour, emotional patterns and mental health! i’m categorising this as a headcanon for simplicity’s sake but this is all based on canon material, whether unintentional or not i do genuinely think he has it in canon and will sort of be elaborating on why that’s clear to me. as a disclaimer none of this is meant to excuse any of his behaviour and hopefully it won’t come off that way either, but bpd and its associated stigma is a personal topic to me, so please go in with sympathy and an open mind. under the cut bc this could get lengthy!

so to start off with i’ll just briefly explain borderline personality disorder (BPD) for people unfamiliar with it— it’s a mood disorder that has many associated symptoms with various mental illnesses like depression, anxiety and bipolar disorder, as well as substance issues, eating disorders and other personality disorders eg. antisocial or narcissistic personality disorder. it’s classed by four groups of symptoms:

emotional instability

disturbed patterns of thinking or perception

impulsive behaviour

intense but unstable relationships with others

( obviously this definition is too broad for any specific diagnosis, since everyone is different, and can’t be used alone to diagnose someone without ruling out other disorders and subjective opinion of a professional who knows enough about your behaviours to make an assessment, so from here on out i’m going to be drawing on my own experiences, and hopefully i’ll be able to articulate it in a way that makes sense, but please let me know if it doesn’t. )

***

the first and most glaringly obvious identifiers of this where damon is concerned in my opinion is a), his tendency to spiral very suddenly and abruptly after even minor triggers, such as failure, rejection or even just feeling insulted by someone he cares about, and b) his frequent impulsive behaviour, and what might be termed a lack of self-control in following those impulses - the first examples that come to mind would be his leaving for a road trip with katherine despite hating her, or killing jeremy because he was the first person he saw after feeling rejected by elena - and as he later admitted honestly, not knowing that it wouldn’t be permanent. 

so starting with a), his irrational spiralling — i’ll preface this by saying that in my own experience, my initial diagnosis where my therapist suggested BPD as a possibility was immediately after i told her that i felt my emotions were just more severe than most people’s, which is why i always felt i was overreacting to things, both bad and good, alternating with feelings of extreme numbness and dissociation which would follow immediately after as a coping method. bouncing between extremes of emotion is also something we see damon do constantly; not regarding the humanity switch detail and focusing solely on his ‘humanity-on’ behaviour, we still see him go between extremely cold, numb and uncaring (albeit often this is hidden behind deflection and humor) to deeply hurt, loving, and willing to make huge sacrifices for causes or for people. 

this is also a little muddled by the in-world lore of vampires having very heightened emotions. if you consider that damon already had BPD while a human, which is highly plausible given what we see of the decisions he made even then, then it follows that as a vampire those already-dysfunctional behaviours would be driven to extremes. this isn’t only obvious to the person watching; other characters comment on it constantly, e.g. almost any time katherine shows up, everyone immediately starts worrying if damon’s going to snap, having learned that the tiniest of things can send him into extreme behaviour, harmful to both himself - picking a fight with julian out in the open, described as having a death wish, and various suicide missions - and other people - e.g. attempting to kill jeremy and bonnie, despite it being abundantly clear that those two murders would make everything worse for him, and logically, make no sense, and serve no benefit to him. they were not thought-out decisions, not premeditated, and not something he would do in a sound state of mind, which is part of why they’re so painful to watch - they’re stupid, unjustified decisions, and seem irrational and disproportionate to whatever triggered him to make them. this also falls into the category of ‘lashing out’, something damon is frequently noted to do - often in the form of destroying or severing relationships, which may be done via simple purposeful negative interaction with someone, or doing more, genuine harm so that those relationships are ended regardless. 

this ties in both with the impulsive behaviour aspect, but also a comment elena once made which struck a huge chord with me as an identifier of BPD - she said he felt that everyone hated him, and in an attempt to face those perceptions or correct them as someone of sound mind would do, he instead tries to come to terms with the pain of that by making himself believe that they were right - ‘proving’ both to others and to himself that they were right to hate him, via doing bad things. while this particular incident was partially due to enzo’s influence and damon seeking approval from the only person he felt he could still get it from, he still had the agency to make that decision, and this wasn’t the only time where that behavioural pattern could be observed. 

the depth to which those thought processes go can sort of be seen when you consider season 8, where enzo and damon were both under the mind control of a siren, leaving only their subconscious with free will to resist. enzo’s instinct was to try and weave messages into the things that the siren had him do, knowing that bonnie would recognise them and be able to save him from doing more harm. on the other hand, damon’s instinct was to sever those relationships so completely that none of them would ever attempt to save him again, thus keeping them, in his eyes, out of harm’s way. 

i don’t wanna make this so long it’s unreadable so i’ll try and end it with this last point, which is that another symptom of BPD is latching on to one particular person - whoever might feel most significant to them at the time, whether a friend or romantic interest, though often those feelings can combine and become confused when that emotional connection is made (most obvious example being elena, who damon had a relatively good and stable friendship with, that seemingly functioned fine as it was, yet progressed into romance anyway and became destructive). when that said person is found, the intensity of your emotion leads to a usually unhealthy amount of attachment on your part - often leading to possessive, manipulative or even emotionally abusive elements of relationships that more often than not become toxic. this person becomes the sole way that you feel validation/love/approval/happiness, any good emotion at all - in a way, your brain compensates for previous and more significant traumas, e.g. parental abuse/neglect, by channelling all this emotion into the nearest outlet of love and acceptance you can find. as a result even the tiniest fraction of attention or approval from that person can completely brighten your mental state for weeks, while the tiniest perception of disapproval or neglect from them - note perception, this could be something as miniscule as a misunderstanding, a tone being read wrong in a text, a genuine mistake being interpreted as a deliberate attempt to separate - can be enough to drive you to suicidal ideation. 

obviously, whether it’s known to them or not, all this puts an unrealistic amount of expectation on the other person - one individual cannot possibly be responsible for the entire mental state of another, and will often - quite rightly - lead to the decision to end the relationship out of self-preservation. this is observed very frequently with damon’s close relationships; at some point, most of the people he’s been closest to have, with some degree of regret, been forced to write him off, because he puts too much strain on their own mental state. without significant effort to change on the part of the disordered person, sadly, this situation doesn’t usually have a resolution, because one’s own mental health is never the sole responsibility of others. it’s worth saying that most of these behaviours are done unintentionally and instinctively, as what seems the first logical conclusion in a brain that has been wired - physically, neurons and pathways in the brain have been grown by trauma that leads to those paths becoming the ‘right’ ones, rather than the healthy alternatives, which is usually what therapy’s end goal is - minimising the disordered pathways while reinforcing the positive ones, via practice of healthy behaviours and identifying bad thought processes so they can be stopped with the hope that those ones will take priority eventually. that being said, decisions that are motivated by and followed by, self-hatred, doesn’t excuse them from the harm they may cause other people. and it’s not fair - none of it is, because immediately what that situation seems to become is, ‘i didn’t ask to be this way, i don’t want to be harmful, but because i have been traumatised this is how i turned out, and now if i want healthy and good relationships, i have to work twice as hard against all my natural instincts just to ensure i come off as a person worth caring about’. 

this is getting a little off-topic, but to say - there is a stigma about BPD, often associated with emotional abuse and manipulation, and it’s too complex a topic to sum up in one paragraph, but the gist of it is that sadly in my experience there is truth to it. i feel as though my disorder increases the likelihood of me being harmful, which means i have to work twice as hard to stop it - things that seem like common sense, basic decency, human logic that comes naturally and as first instinct to many, have to be actively strived for by people with this particular disorder. so while failing to do so may happen more for those people, and thus lead to them coming off as a worse person, there is some explanation as to why - and of course that doesn’t mean excusing that behaviour, never! but, there is a grey area between ‘excusing and enabling unhealthy behaviour’ and ‘your disability grants you no leeway whatsoever’. there is a middle ground and it’s hard to find the right place to walk it, and probably differs for everyone, but for me that’s why damon is relatable, and why i think i have more tolerance for things that he’s done. 

i’ll just end this by saying that this is all one person’s experience of bpd and what i’ve observed from a few others i’ve known. i don’t speak for everyone with bpd, it’s not my call to make, mental disorder is overwhelmingly complex and hotly debated even in medical circles. but all that being said, i have recognised a lot of my own emotional experiences in damon’s and how the characters around him react to it (without the murder, obviously) and to me it is slightly more complex than ‘this is a shitty person’. thank you for reading all this if you did, it’s kind of hard to talk about, but hopefully for some this adds a little more insight into my portrayal and attachment to the character. 

[codenamesazanka]

Here’s what I think went down: 

All For One invaded the Shimura household, held captive everyone there. He singled out Tenko, and started whatever thing he did to condition into Tenko the wrathful instinct Shigaraki gets with the hands, a la Pavlov. 

This involves torture - most likely making Tenko participate, as well as something happening that caused the injuries to Tenko’s eye and lips. It also killed everyone, but preserved the hands. He reinforced, besides traumatic fear, aggression and anger, knowing that it would be there later and he can redirect it.

Eventually, All For One cleaned up, scattered Tenko’s memories, and had him run away, confused and unable to remember or explain to anyone what happened even if he did get someone to stop and try to help. 

-

(Long post!! I thought about putting it under a spoiler but I feel like this is my magnum opus of meta and creating a theory, so sorry! You gotta scroll through! Please! I hope you read and find it convincing!) 

Everyone is pretty much theorizing that All For One was the cause of the Shimura household demise, because what are the chances AFO was able to come across a dead family with hands all intact, a traumatized and very impressionable 4-year-old with a extremely destructive quirk, and is the grandson of his previous hated enemy and essentially the nephew (come on, All Might thought of Nana as a mother, he would’ve loved all her family like his family) of his current hated enemy? 

All For One was there. The question is, what happened and what did he do? 

I realized in a previous post that Shigaraki’s reactions to the hands reads very much like a conditioned response a la Pavlov’s experiments. Little Tenko first sees the hands and immediately has a strong psychosomatic reaction, as well as an unexplainable, powerful sense of anger. Ever since then, whenever he wears the hands, he still feels that rage. 

Maybe a bit far-fetched - AFO using an elaborate psych experiment? But AFO has shown that he’s willing to go the distance and create meticulous plans years in advanced, and he’s a master at psychological manipulation. 

And two things: 

the flashback of the corgi, which yes, serves as an even more heartbreaking piece of Tenko’s memories, but also, Pavlov’s experiments is famously known for his use of dogs. The corgi is symbolic and a hint. 

@sweetened-apples​ noted that Gigantomachia seems to have been conditioned to calm down and respond to AFO’s voice. 

There’s that extremely visible ‘click’ sound, also a known and commonly used conditioned stimuli, and without seeing the scene, the Doctor knows immediately Gigantomachia must have calmed down. 

This is what convinces me greatly that AFO did something to conditioned Shigaraki, using the hands as the trigger. 

The ask from a wonderful, wonderful anonymous contributor (thank you!!) helped me piece more of the scene together. 

In chapter 88 and 222, Shiga's shirt is dark, and his pants are light. In chapter 69, they're both light. Why is this? If he ran away after killing 'Father' which happened in that chapter...

[...]

there’s a bunch of blood running down his arms and on the floor, pooling around the hand. [...] Exactly how much blood did he get covered in? How, why, no one noticed and now its gone? No stains, nothing? Also, for the anon and what you said, your right. Blame whoever attacked him for the injury to his lips, there was blood there in the flashback. Could it’d have been the weapon?

Chapter 69: As anon noted, the shirt and pants are both light-colored. Also, the shirt is bloodstained, blood is dripping down from above, also likely staining the pants as well. 

Chapter 88 and 91:

And that’s consistent in Chapter 222:

It’s implied in the same chapter that after what happened to his family, Tenko had ran away, looking for help - he did so right afterwards. If so, how is he so spotless, after being covered in blood? Plus - why would he make sure to change his clothing, if he was in such a rush? 

From my other post, regarding the scene in Chapter 69, let me restate: 

We thought this hand was the ‘father’ hand, but it’s not. The hand Shigaraki wears on his face is a left hand. This is a right hand. It’s so carefully intact. Shigaraki is covered in blood, the blood coming solely from above him, ruining his shirt but not his pants, not even fully covering his hands. You would think a chaotic situation would mean a mess, everywhere. Tripping and slipping, knees and hands in a puddle of blood. But Tenko is not.

Finally, this scene:

There’s what looks to be a bloodied weapon of some sort, and the shadowed, crazed fearful look of an adult. We assume it’s Tenko’s father (also Nana’s son).

Then we see that Tenko is found with his eyes and lips wounded. 

I think yes, that weapon was used to hurt Tenko, and I think the one who did so is that man in the right part of the image. But why would he hurt Tenko? Why would he look like that? 

Well, where have we see a similar look? 

The story of Rei Todoroki is also a tragic one, where, during a mental break, she injured her son, Shouto Todoroki. 

I think, maybe, AFO had did something to Tenko’s father, making him hurt Tenko. Caused a mental break, forced him to attack his son? Forced Tenko to kill his father in self-defense? The oneshot Tenko had the titular character’s father also attempt to kill his son, and though it’s not the same motivation or context at all, I feel there’s a good chance of a parallel.  

And isn’t that just as sadistic as AFO is? Having Nana’s beloved son attack Tenko, as well as forcing Tenko to retaliate to protect himself, thereby killing his father? We already know AFO has a habit of putting Shigaraki into life or death trials to prove his worth. 

Speaking of the oneshot Tenko, the character in that was also filled with rage, starting when he had to watch his father kill his mother. 

It’s a very natural reaction. You watch someone kill someone you love, and you gain intense hatred, aggression, and anger toward them. 

Here’s another interesting thing to note: In the oneshot Tenko, Tenko’s mother had taught him to redirect his rage. She told him, that his power isn’t one to used for killing, that he should think of other ways. This leads to Tenko redirecting his anger at samurai and swords, vowing to destroy all of it to rid the world of war. 

Looking back at Chapter 88, during the raid scene, during Shigaraki’s first flashback of AFO finding him, I always found it just a little strange that his internal state went how it went. Shock, then fear at being defeated, then a flashback to what seems to be a melancholy but hopeful, touching, scene of AFO rescuing him, then climaxing in anger. 

I’ve tried out several analysis of that scene - that being bound and on the verge of arrest made him feel helpless, like he had did as a child; Gran Torino asking about his Master made him wish for his Master to come save him again, like that time; them trying to get to AFO, who saved him, made him angry that they would try to hurt his Master; anger that the heroes, who wasn’t there for him when he needed them to be, was suddenly here to be his ruin? But most of all, why ‘I hate you’? I mean, yes, all those feelings are wild, negative, and the raid is a high-adrenaline fueled moment where reason isn’t big on the mind, but. 

For what was supposed to be a bittersweet memory of someone coming to his rescue, Shigaraki has instead associate it and filled it with a hellish wrathful. 

I think, after what AFO did to his family, after creating the hands, Tenko rightfully had nothing but fury, had wanted to kill AFO. Maybe it was so much so that AFO would later call it a ‘innate warpness’. Like AFO wanted to induced - just can’t have it be directed at AFO! So he messed with Tenko’s memory, made him forget exactly what went down, but Tenko would always associate that fury with the hands. 

Finally, finally, with Tenko confused and pretty much amnesiac, AFO had the child clean up. Wash away all the blood, put on a different clean set of clothing, hence the reason for the different outfits in the flashbacks. A blood-covered child would get everyone’s attention, would immediately bring police and Heroes onto the scene. 

But a well-dressed child, with what seems to be only slight cuts on his face, scatter-minded and unable to tell anyone what had happened because he can’t remember? A lot more benefit of doubt. 

So yeah. This is my theoretical outline of what went down. 

[saizoswifey]

you don’t have to answer this if you’re too busy, but i’d love to know what your best boys (saizo, johan, kyle, kiro, etc.) have in common and what you love about them 👀💗

Okay I know I already told you but I love this ask sooo much lol. Thank you!!!!! It really made me think a ton. Which I LOVE. 

To start off, I’m going to have to begin with BEST BAE JOHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY LOVE MY HUSBAND!!!!!!! LOVE OF MY LIFE!! Because he is quite frankly the most complex. 

_________________________________

“And I saw a beast rising out of the sea, having ten horns and seven heads; and on its horns were ten diadems, and on its heads were blasphemous names… And the dragon gave it his power and his throne and great authority… They worshipped the dragon, for he had given his authority to the beast, saying ‘who is like the beast, and who can fight against it?' “

There are so many layers to Naoki Urasawa’s Monster and Johan as a character that I honestly would need to go off on it entirely on its own, and I would STILL have a tough time touching on everything I love. 

Johan Liebert is a typical type of character I go for. He is probably THE top favorite character I have ever come across in media when it comes to Evil and Complexity. And he actually has a bit in common with Saizo. 

What I love about Johan is the tragedy of what he became. You can truly look back on his past and see all of the factors that led him to become the way he is; a man with extreme intellect, cunning, the incredible ability to charm everyone he meets. A true genius. But also, someone who can manipulate people, even children, even ORPHANS to suicide or murder. Someone who murders and doesn’t think twice. What could he have been had the path lay different for him? Or, perhaps, was he always destined to live with this Monster inside of him, considering he was born out of a Eugenics experiment, to begin with? That’s what I love so much about him and this series.

 It’s so focused on a few key things. Among those are our choices in life and how they can easily stack up to eventually become the mountain of solitude we stand on, the struggle with identity, mainly: NAMES. 

Lastly, another important aspect to the series is the playful way it dips in and out of reality. 

What I mean by that is, Johan really has this fictional quality to him. That’s another reason I love him SO MUCH. We often hear even Inspector Lunge question whether or not Johan is an actual person. Johan is like a character in a fairytale, which fits well with the fairytale we have in the actual story. Even Johan’s name seems like an illusion of the mind. 

Tenma: Stop it, Johan! I know you! I was your doctor nine years ago. Don’t add any more crimes to your list!

Johan: Heh… heh heh heh… 'Johan’… There was a time when I went by that name. But it’s not my real name.

You honestly come to doubt at a point whether or not Johan is a real person, and that’s EXACTLY what he wants. Johan, in a sense, is nothingness. So fictional at times that some characters even said he was a real-life vampire. 

I think I have something in me that draws me to suicidal characters or characters with no sense of self-preservation but Johan is no exception. Feeling abandoned by his mother and alone, 

and being used and abused and brainwashed, being groomed into the next Hitler and then moving from place to place, he emulated The Monster in the picture book. He moved from family to family trying to take on their names and become what they wanted but in the end, he killed them. The monster inside of him broke free. 

Johan captivates me because he is so enigmatic, seemingly everywhere and nowhere at once. He never had a sense of self, and that’s what makes him so horrifying, enough that he makes even average serial killers look less terrifying. Because at least they have methods to their madness, yet Johan kills pretty coldly and without any motivation. He tried to orchestrate what would be his “perfect suicide” after murdering the Liebert’s but when Nina failed to kill him and Tenma saved him he turned to, like, plan B. Just like how he, as a child, manipulated the weak points in the orphans and staff, orchestrating what would have them all turn and kill each other, he would try to do the same in the world. He doesn’t work with a set of principals aside from chaos. 

All of his life it had been hammered into him that life was about being on top, the best. You either succeed and come out on top or lose. His sister being chosen over him, and the experiments at 511 kinderheim. How many children did they go through and toss aside like garbage before Johan? Even the eugenics experiment that was a series of chosen “perfect specimens” to create the next world leader, bringing about his birth. It’s always survival of the fittest to Johan. He had to come out on top. So in his loneliness and strife for being left the only one standing, fulfilling what he was born to do, he decided to throw the world into chaos and let them all devour each other to show his superiority and also to get revenge for bringing him into this world yet leaving him alone and with nothing, not even a name. 

When he stumbled upon the book in the library it triggered him and changed his thought process a bit, though. He was reminded of his childhood again, and the perfect suicide. I think around here is when he began to play with the idea of letting Tenma kill him once he got rid of everyone who knew who he was. He could then disappear like he never existed. So he could evaporate into his complete loneliness like the monster in the book. And I love how expertly manipulative he is, using the people from his childhood and everyone he can in order to help him achieve this goal. They think they’re going to be immortalized or help rule the world next to Johan. They think they’re the power players but never come to see they’re simply pawns until Johan eventually kills them. 

I love extremely intelligent and charming characters. I love evil characters. And I mostly love characters who are evil for chaos’ sake. Characters who do terrible shit with no rhyme or reason why. Bonus points if they have that ONE PERSON who they are attached to and would never harm. Johan hits all of these for me and I instantly fell in love. 

I like the parallels between 511 Kinderheim and Iga. Both Saizo and Johan are lonely, both ending up in a place where they are brainwashed and abused and taught to rid themselves of all emotion and human attachment in order to become the ultimate weapon/specimen. I also see a lot of parallels between Johan/Nina and Saizo/Hotaru. 

Both Saizo and Johan are tragic characters, both suicidal but for different reasons. Both of them grapple with their own duality and their sense of self. They really don’t know who they are at the core, and both feel as if they’re just tools living in the shadows and one day they’ll disappear into nothing and no one will care. 

They are also both incredibly charming and good looking, able to get away with so much and slip into any circle due to their high level of intelligence and cunning. They’re both characters that have done some lifechanging GOOD for people, but have also done terrible things on the other end of the spectrum. The dynamic in both is vast, and that’s something I love. Because humans are not ornately ‘good’ or ‘evil’ but a mix of both. It makes them great characters. 

Genya also has a lot of these same points in common with Johan. And even more so because he has a twin just like Johan. A twin who was weaker than him that he felt the need to protect, a twin that he felt was his other half. Just like Johan. 

Almost all of the characters in my top boys have either high intelligence or a tragic/traumatic past. Sometimes both. Mugen, Levi, Johan, Saizo, etc. they all have this in common. I also love characters with self-destructive tendencies. Bonus if it’s a coping mechanism lol. 

I like characters that have pain in their past and could either go dark or light because of their trauma. I tend to go for the characters who end up going down the dark path like Johan but I also don’t mind the ones that end up going on the light path like Saizo, Levi, Mugen, Kyle, and Genya. Kyle has intense trauma and could have easily turned to anger and hatred but he chose to forgive and live and save people. He’s still a dumpster fire sometimes with his drinking to cope with his pain and memory but he’s a good man. 

I think Kiro has more in common with Kyle than anyone else in my favorites. They both have trauma in their pasts and they mask it with smiles. Both are kind of brick-headed when it comes to love and err on the side of taking things slow and supporting each other without looking for much in return and I like that about them. I like that they both offer tons of support to MC and encourage her to be the best she can be, and they enjoy just being around her without needing anything else. They are good friends first, and the rest develops really naturally. 

Overall, if a character is: 

cocky as fuck

shady as fuck

evil

murdery

chaotic

pained by the ghosts of their past lol 

god mode at sOMETHING 

GENIUS 

hate everyone but that One Special Dumbass they will protect at all costs

stoic

at war with whether to be evil or good

take things extremely slow with their MC/SO and come at them from a level playing field of respect

chances are I’m in love with them hahaha. 

Thank you for this!!! Sorry its Johan loving hours here 24/7 so most of this was just me yelling about him but whvedhjwv I hope this did an okay job answering you!!!!!!!!! 

[talk-quirky-to-me]

Personal Heater

Alright, what a ride! That was fun. What better way to learn to write characters than by just... writing one-shots about them? That’s right, no better way. Anyways, for the final day, have some more loose prompt interpretations and even more pining fools. (@shigadabiweek)

ShigaDabi Week Day 7 – Space.

Word Count: 1543

———

Shigaraki Tomura doesn’t like being touched.

Dabi doesn’t think it is a secret, but it is a truth which doesn’t need to be voiced, to be spelled out to newcomers. It is a truth easily noticed if you take a minute too long looking at Shigaraki. Perhaps it is a consequence of his quirk, or of his upbringing, or just the kind of a person he is; in any case, Shigaraki Tomura doesn’t like being touched.

And Dabi – well, Dabi may be a criminal, and he may well be an asshole depending on whom you ask, but he isn’t about to go invade his boss’s personal space just because he happens to be a tactile person. He has some sense of self-preservation, firstly; but above all, he doesn’t want Shigaraki to hate him any more than he already does.

(And that, he’s pretty sure, is a decent amount.)

***

Dabi hates him.

It’s not that hard to pick up on, really – not for Tomura in any case. Not for Tomura, because Tomura spends all too much time sitting at the bar and looking. He doesn’t look at Dabi specifically, of course – why would he? – but if Dabi happens be a tad easier to notice than the others, what with the stapled skin and the turquoise eyes, well, then it’s entirely his fault. If he didn’t want Tomura staring, maybe he should have chosen a look which doesn’t draw gazes quite so strongly.

And the point is, Dabi hates him. It’s not the jabs which tip Tomura off, not the deadpan maybe-jokes probably-insults, because he is like that with everybody. It’s the fact that Dabi... touches people. A lot. Dabi walks up to Magne and throws his hand around her shoulders nonchalantly as he intrudes on a conversation. Dabi tugs Kurogiri on the sleeve as he asks for a drink, which is in itself an entirely unnecessary action. Dabi forces Toga in a chair before she goes out in public, for god’s sake, and styles her hair into a braid so she wouldn’t be recognised – a really good braid at that.

Dabi touches people. A lot.

Just not Tomura.

(Which is absolutely fine, for the record. It’s just an observation. Tomura likes making those.)

***

Dabi’s pretty sure it’s a decent amount – Shigaraki’s hatred towards him, that is – because he isn’t fucking blind. And also maybe because he looks at Shigaraki a little too much. But it’s justified, really. He isn’t sure how yet, but he’s sure that it is.

Anyways, the point is that he isn’t blind, and he knows that Tomura stares at him, occasionally, except his stares are a little too dark. It’s not that all Shigaraki’s stares aren’t unsettling – they are, what with red eyes and scarred eyelids – but Dabi thinks he’s got his own brand of darkness directed at him from the vague direction of the bar. He notices it, sometimes, out of the corner of the eye, when he’s trying to arm wrestle with Spinner or when he leans against Twice’s shoulder as they chat, and he feels himself shiver.

It’s mainly because he doesn’t understand what brought this on.

It’s also a little because he doesn’t like the idea of Tomura hating him.

But that’s childish, and he hasn’t been a child for a long, long time. He’s used to hate.

So he keeps his distance.

***

Dabi keeps his distance very deliberately, rarely approaching Tomura unless it’s on League’s business. Tomura thinks he should be happy – he should like the idea of being feared, hell, even hated, because he isn’t doing any of this to be loved. Instead Tomura just finds himself... irritated.

Not mad. Not upset, definitely not upset at all.

Just irritated.

After all, it’s Dabi’s right to touch whomever he wants to touch and stay away from whomever he wants to stay away from. Tomura certainly can’t order him around when it comes to this, can’t tell him to walk over and grab his arm like he would do to Mr Compress or even to Mustard, just so Tomura can see what all the fuss is about. Because they’re fussing, that’s what their doing, the rest of them, especially when late autumn rolls around and they tug on Dabi’s sleeves and snuggle up closer to him and tell him that he’s pretty much a human equivalent of a hot water bottle.

It’s not like Tomura even wants to see what they are on about. He isn’t curious.

He’s just a little cold.

***

Dabi doesn’t get cold, but the others sure do.

And their hideout isn’t really a stellar example of good housing – the windows aren’t exactly insulated, and the brick walls tend to lose heat too quickly. So Dabi may not get cold – on the contrary, sometimes he runs too warm – but that only means that he becomes a portable radiator to just about everyone around him as soon as the temperatures start dropping.

Everyone but Shigaraki, of course, but that should go without saying.

Toga wraps her limbs around him like a little monkey and refuses to let him move for a couple of hours after she comes back from a raid in a nearby shopping mall. Spinner – as someone whose own thermal regulating is as terrible as expected given his quirk – barely leaves his side. Magne lingers suspiciously close, laughing sheepishly when Dabi sighs and tells her to just cling onto him like others do.

Honestly. He has thought of many uses of his quirk when he got it first. Keeping a bunch of villains warm was not one of them.

(But then, he isn’t complaining).

***

Tomura is sitting at one of the tall chairs at the bottom floor one night and staring at the wall opposite. Most lights are dimmed, Kurogiri has already gone to bed as has most everyone else, and that leaves just Tomura and Dabi who’s lingering in the corner with some stupid book he nicked from a shelf in a bookstore a couple of days back. Tomura is shivering and trying to pointedly not look in his direction.

To not think about the space between them.

To not think that it is all too much space.

Dabi gets up and shuts his book with a thud, and Tomura doesn’t jump in place, of course, but still feels his breath hitch in surprise. He turns around to glare at Dabi, and Dabi cocks one eyebrow up in that perfectly infuriating manner he has as he walks by him. They hold each other’s gaze – a silent challenge, a competition Tomura wants no part in but knows it’s too late to pull out now – and Dabi stops in front of him, a few feet back.

“You going to sleep at all today, creep?”

“Watch your own sleeping habits.”

“So harsh,” Dabi chuckles, waving his arm around. Tomura can feel the heat radiating from his body – even like this, even with the space between them – and finds his body leaning forward, almost instinctively.

Tomura thinks that he doesn’t do instincts – not like this, not because of some embarrassing feelings and low temperatures – so he figures he might as well make it seem like he means it.

He leans forward some more and grabs Dabi’s arm.

For a second they are both quiet.

Then, Tomura says,

“You’re warm.”

***

Then, Dabi says,

“And you’re freezing!”,

because he can’t think of anything else to say, and Tomura’s skin is dry and cold against his own. Shigaraki’s pinky is hovering carefully above his forearm, but Dabi finds himself completely unafraid for no good reason, as if a single motion of the man in front of him cannot end his life the next instance.

He finds himself completely unafraid and he thinks, well, when have I ever done things halfway?

Running away from home? Dye your hair and burn your skin so nobody ever finds you.

Seeking revenge on your father? Join the most feared villain organisation in Japan.

Getting murdered by Tomura Shigaraki?

Might as well do something to deserve it.

***

Tomura doesn’t realise, not at first, not for too long a moment, that Dabi pulls him into a hug.

But then, there are arms wrapped around his shoulders, and he’s pressed to a warm chest, and he needs to be extremely careful not to grab onto Dabi’s shirt with all five fingers to – what? Pull him closer? Push him away? – but Dabi doesn’t seem concerned about possibility of death at all. Instead, he smirks – Tomura can feel his smirk more than he can see it – and murmurs, just above his right ear,

“Should’ve told me you need a personal heater, boss.”

Tomura thinks that he should probably kill him, because Dabi can, and probably will, be completely insufferable about this.

Tomura also thinks that is it an absolutely ridiculous thought because he cannot kill him. Not Dabi. Not now, not ever.

And, when Tomura allows himself to relax into the hug, to lean a little closer and close his eyes and rest his head against Dabi’s shoulders, he thinks that maybe, just maybe he has misjudged.

Maybe Dabi doesn’t hate him quite so much after all.

***

(And maybe, after all, Shigaraki Tomura isn’t quite so averse to touching. Dabi sure hopes so).

[robert-c]

What Should Be Illegal?

For most of human history there have been two sources for what was defined as illegal or prohibited behavior – religion and political power; and often the combination of the two. Whoever is in control obviously wants to stay in control so anything that threatens their power is going to be illegal. Religions can come up with a wide array of things to prohibit; some just to be different and distinctive, some to prove their power (there’s little proof of power in telling people not to do something no one wants to do in the first place), and even some because it makes sense. But this last is never the reason given – because it must be about “because I say so” (where “I” is the priest or other spokesperson for “God”, “Creator”, or whatever).

With this sort of history it is easy to see how we can get misled into believing that there needs to be an “official” (or even “unofficial”) religion of a country. At the risk of offending, let’s just say that believing “God” (by whatever name) is the source of all moral conduct codes is a cop out, an excuse for not thinking these things out on our own. That’s not to say there is no such thing as a divine being, just that ascribing the source of moral conduct for a whole society to a being one must accept on faith is really just accepting the dictates of someone who has successfully convinced you that they are the spokesperson for this ethereal being. Tying right in with the desire for simple certainty, it is easy to buy into this idea. But it doesn’t do much to develop a society that preserves the right of each person to believe as their own conscience dictates.

It’s true that most previous societies have been organized around a common religious or cultural set of beliefs, and it is also true that model has produced most of the oppression and warfare in human history. Surely there is a better way for us to live together.

A society that seeks to make possible the widest range of personal freedom of belief must limit prohibited behavior to the minimum necessary for a society to function. While the concept seems simple, the application can get complicated as the personal beliefs of some inevitably cannot imagine a world in which “x” is not prohibited. Nevertheless, a decent foundation was laid with the ideas that depriving someone of life, liberty or property without the due process of law was wrong and should be illegal. The Founding Fathers of the United States may not have fully understood the ramifications of what they were setting up by forbidding the establishment of a ‘state religion’; but most great ideas end up being grander than their creators ever imagined.

This whole idea that if we believe something we must impose it on others, has a very long history, probably as long as humans even imagined that there was anything “divine” at all. Without getting too far into a history lesson, it wasn’t until Judaism (and later Christianity) came into contact with a wider world that it really became an issue. Most of the so-called pagan religions offered myths about the creation and nature of the world, and little in the way of commandments on moral behavior. The biggest requirement of most of these other religions was providing sacrifices and donations to the priests of the various deities. So when one people with different gods took over another people they insisted that their gods get the sacrifices and the offerings. Many might regard this as a simple racket to get a free ride in society, not perhaps dissimilar to various current day charlatans charging people for cliché advice under the guise of self-help or self-development. I would agree with that comparison. The Romans had the inkling of a very brilliant idea in creating their empire. Rather than replace the conquered population’s gods with their own, they just allowed them to continue with the idea that they were just other names for the same ones the Romans knew. Their “king of the gods” was Jupiter, but if you were Greek that was the same as Zeus and if Egyptian that was Ra, and so on.

Judaism and Christianity were different in that they had a moral code of conduct. So more than just the name of the god that you provided sacrifices to was at stake. Judaism’s prohibition of images of God ends up being an intolerance for images of the other gods. It breaks with the tradition of allowing others to have their own view of who or what “god” (or “God”) is. This is precisely the attitude that we must resist if we wish to live in a free society. Thomas Jefferson wrote in a letter, “…in every age the priest has been the enemy of liberty.” I believe this is precisely the point he was trying to make – that enforcement of a single religious world view inevitably must lead to a sort of tyranny over the very minds of people.

Despite these ideals and the mechanism to protect them through the separation of powers in the Constitution, things have never been quite that straight forward. If a majority of the voters imagine something should be illegal (even if just because of their religious beliefs) then it likely will become law. The only hope of striking it down was supposed to be an independent judiciary, but the undue influence of extreme partisan positions has undermined that.

Which leaves only an appeal to those voters who will still use their own minds, instead of the fear and hatred some leaders continually stir up. Imagining a world in which everyone is pretty much like us is not only easy, it’s comforting on many levels. We may never be challenged to question why we think or do things in a certain way. We can feel comfortable in the world, because it is all familiar and understood. But what if we weren’t the only kind of people, what if we weren’t the majority? Now there is a choice to make – some people will see that strict devotion to the principle of many different cultures and beliefs as the only way to safely ensure that we all remain free to believe and act as we wish, no matter which way the popularity of one belief or another goes.

Sadly, there are many others who take that scenario as the reason they should “call to arms” and suppress the other ideas. This is the key point, the desire to suppress the expression of any other view point or lifestyle. I often feel that these efforts stem from a realization that public exposure to these other people and ideas will reveal the unreasonableness of their prejudices. That is what happened for most people with the mixing of the races. And it is what should happen with other groups as well.

All too often the proponents of free speech and diversity give too much respect to these folks for “merely defending their ideals”. While free speech does mean they get to express their opinions, we should call them out for what they are – people less defending their own ideals than trying to end liberty for any who disagree with them. They aren’t patriots or defenders of “traditional American values” – they are petty little wannabe tyrants who will wave the flag at the same time they trample every principle it ever stood for. It ultimately ends up where every dictatorship does, where dissent or disagreement is called treason.

It does seem that our civics classes (and our progressives) ought to spend more time promoting the idea that our “right to swing our fists ends at the other person’s nose” as Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes once said (btw he was a Republican!). For that matter, I am continually amazed that no one calls out the hypocrisy of those who call for smaller, limited government while at the same time thinking it should regulate private, personal behavior on the basis of their own personal view of morality.

The Founders of our republic were rightly suspicious of the sort of direct democracy where a majority vote of the people decided everything. It was more than just the impracticality of conducting timely polls in the 18th and early 19th century; they knew that demagogues would play to the fears of the mob and that could easily subvert the rights of the minority. Unfortunately technology and the mechanism of elections have essentially eliminated the safeguards they thought they built in by having our republic be a representative democracy – one where the majority elect representatives to handle the passing (and rejecting) of laws.

I think the only potential answer is a campaign to educate the voting public about the true nature of liberty, and the dangers (and hypocrisy) of attempting to regulate and protect a particular “culture” or set of religious beliefs. I think we need to stress the idea that even though I wouldn’t personally want to participate in or view some behaviors, the only reason to outlaw them is if it would limit my legitimate rights (as opposed to my imagined “right not to be offended”).

We have done too little to express this ideal and far too little to call out the cries for censorship and suppression of beliefs that contradict the so called “traditional” values of some of the most extreme elements of our society. In every age there are those who are more comfortable with the way things are, even if they have reservations about the rightness of them. I believe failure to call them out for this behavior is what Edmund Burke meant when he said “for evil to triumph all that is required is for good men to do nothing.”

There is another test for what should be illegal, and I think it is a relatively simple test, though not necessarily easy in practice because of people’s denial and devotion to their ideas. If the primary reason for making something illegal is a moral or ethical claim, then it should be suspect. In other words, don’t tell me that it is wrong because of your ethics or morals, tell me how it deprives someone else of their right to life, property, liberty or their own pursuit of happiness. And I don’t mean some “domino theory” of how it will undermine society. It may not be without its own gray areas, but if we exposed the religious underpinnings of the belief behind the moral code it might become more obvious that the proposed law has more to do with legislating someone’s religious beliefs than it does with protecting the liberty of others.

There is an illustrative historical example in the “blue laws” that used to exist in Texas and other southern states. Basically these laws sought to prohibit certain items from being sold on Sundays. It began as prohibiting the sale of “non-essential” items, but quickly became the farce it was always meant to be. Baby food could be sold, but not diapers. Hammers but not nails (or vice versa, I can’t remember). It was clear to all that the point of the law was to make everyone respect the idea that Sunday was “God’s day” and not just another shopping day. In order to mask the nature of what they were up to, the supporters of the blue laws said that they couldn’t sell the prohibited items on consecutive Saturday and Sundays, or Sundays and Mondays. This was supposed to make it seem less like a religious law. As people from the north moved to Texas a growing movement to repeal these laws started. The supporters tried to couch the law as protection for time off for workers, despite the fact that Federal laws already regulated pay and hours, and that the blue laws did nothing to protect workers from abusive hours in the rest of the week. In the last referendum before their abolishment, support of the blue laws was equated to support for local, family owned businesses, against national chain stores, as if the sales on one day of the week could bankrupt small locally owned businesses. But the most telling news came when the referendum abolishing the blue laws was passed. One of its most outspoken supporters got emotional and lost his phony mask of rationality. He said that they weren’t done yet, and that while they might not be able to force people to go to church, they would continue their efforts to make sure that there was little else they could do on Sunday. And so, what most of us already knew all along, was finally admitted. We don’t often get to see it so clearly, but look closely at the folks who “coincidentally” want to regulate something that just happens to mirror their religious beliefs.

I am also persuaded to be suspicious when there is gross inconsistency. On the one hand someone wants to object to regulations of businesses and their dealings with the consumer public, arguing for more limited government, but at the same time thinks the government ought to be regulating private choices because of some larger moral or alleged societal impact.

If we think about it in these terms a lot of the objections to laws and regulations are ridiculous and the regulations are necessary to protect us from the greed and short-sightedness of some people: e.g. regulations about product and workplace safety, regulations to preserve the opportunity for competition to exist in industries dominated by a few companies, and of course laws prohibiting using age, race, gender, religion, etc. as reasons to disqualify someone from employment instead of their actual capabilities. And other regulations are simply enforcing a personal belief; regulating personal medical choices (whether it’s to carry a fetus to term, or to die with dignity), who you can marry, and even personal appearance.

We simply MUST stop imagining that this country is, was or ought to be a single religious or cultural place if we are to continue to enjoy its true uniqueness in the world, as a place where people are free to believe as they will.

[elsaclack]

hi em how are you? i've been dying to get your opinion on the lover album, if you have the time/interest :)

hi i’m good!!! i’m real good my mom’s doctor gave us really good news yesterday so i’m cruising on good vibes rn and yeah i’m great!!!

literally i have been DYING to unload my thoughts on lover since 3 seconds after it came out omg????? i had a deeply intense discussion with my roommate last night about each song on the album and what it specifically means to us so like this is Peak Talking Opportunity For Me which as a messy hoe i honestly love

i’m putting it under the cut though bc i do not want to be Obnoxious

okay first and foremost, i forgot that you existed? DEEPLY iconic. my roommate doesn’t like this one as much as some of the others on the album but it’s def top 3 for me. like, everything about it is so perfect - the message the song sends is one of hope for people who are kind of hopelessly tangled up in drama at the moment (i.e. don’t worry, soon enough you’re going to wake up one day and forget that all of those people even exist (which is HELLA true)) but like!!! even the music she wrote with the song kind of supports the message!! my roommate’s biggest complaint with that song is that she feels like the music needs to Build and Go Places more than it does, but like........god the whole point of the song is that it’s written to a person taylor’s indifferent toward, shouldn’t the music seem a little indifferent too?? like yes there’s joy and it does build and it does move but if it DID get super dramatic it would actually contradict the message of the song so like??? it’s??? perfect??? and i have scream-singed it in my car a million times already thank u for asking

i’ll be honest, cruel summer doesn’t do as much for me as some of the other songs on the album,,,,,i mean i like it and i can DEF sing along to it and the line “i love you ain’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard” is such a mood. it’s the first song on the album that i was like oh she probably started writing that (or at least getting the idea to write it) the summer every angry mob in america was calling for her head bc like there’s definitely a sense of self-deprecation/preservation in some of the lyrics. idk it strikes me as a song about how terrifying vulnerability is especially in the face of such public and global hatred directed toward you

LOVER. lover. lllllllover oh my god i love lover which i was not prepared to do since that word seriously bums me out 100% of the time but it’s so sweet??? so sweet and honest and like. what i thought love was when i was a kid?? just finding that other person and being like “oh, you’re like....you’re IT” and like HA wouldn’t it be grand to be in love?? also the brIDGE??? THE BRIDGE!!!!! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WILL YOU PLEASE STAND!!! WITH EVERY GUITAR STRING SCAR ON MY HAND!!! I TAKE THIS MAGNETIC FORCE OF A MAN TO BE MY LOVERRRRRR!!!! MY HEART’S BEEN BORROWED AND YOUR’S HAS BEEN BLUE!!! ALL’S WELL THAT ENDS WELL TO END UP WITH YOU!!! SWEAR TO BE OVER-DRAMATIC A N D T R U E TO MY LOVERRRRR!!!! and oh man i wanna be in love anyways moving on

the man honestly took me a few tries to like but i definitely have a healthy amount of respect for it now. like idk it felt a little out of place at first given that this whole album is supposed to be about love and that song is,,,,,,not (at first glance) but the more i listen to it the more i realize that it sort of is in a way? like she’s been painted as this serial dater since day one when in reality her dating history isn’t really that sordid?? just extremely public. and in listening to the lyrics it sort of dawned on me that her frustration with the way society treats women stems from that reputation (ha) that was forced on her and the way that reputation colored every other interaction she’s ever had with popular culture. like every microinteraction i’ve heard about involving her has been overwhelmingly positive but then you look at media as a whole and they make her out to be this entirely different person and part of u has to wonder if it would even be an issue if you took all the same behaviors, dating history, microinteractions etc. and applied them to an equally famous man. and the answer is no it would not be an issue

the archer made me cry the first time i heard it and it still kind of strikes me at my core a lot if i don’t distract myself with other things while it’s on? like sitting down and actually listening to the words is. tough bc i relate to it a lot and not in the fun scream-sing in the car way that i relate to i forgot that you existed. that song actually makes me really uncomfortable with who i am bc like god!!!!! i have been the archer!!!! i have been the prey!!!! i don’t understand why people have left me and i REALLY don’t understand why people stay!!!!! in all seriousness though it goes back to that struggling with vulnerability thing - by being vulnerable you’re opening up the scariest, rawest parts of yourself to other people and risking being rejected for those scary raw parts. it’s a song about struggling between building those walls up to protect yourself or risking getting hurt for the sake of love - and lucky for her she seems to have found someone who has seen the scary raw stuff in her life and has decided that he wants to stay

i think he knows is the song both me and my roommate bump in our cars whenever we go places together because it’s SO FUN i don’t even know what else to say other than i cry laughing every time my roommate tries to sing “lyrical smile indigo eyes hand on my thigh we can follow the sparks i’ll drive” bc it’s SUCH a tongue-twister for her it’s fhaldskfhadslfkj FUNNY

miss americana & the heartbreak prince is another one that i was kind of so-so about at first but the more i listen to it the more i love it?? it’s so Dramatique in the best way like it makes me feel like i’m watching a movie preview about a dystopian high school in slow motion and honestly i LOVE it

my roommate’s favorite song on the whole album is paper rings and i love it too honestly it’s another one we bump in the car bc it’s SUPER fun to sing with other people lmfao she described it as “the song you hear in a preview for a romcom set in new york city” and i was like YEAH THAT’S ACCURATE but what’s really funny is that?? that’s probably?? exactly?? what it is?? anyways

i’m kind of...meh...about cornelia street yikes i’ve read people talking about how good it is and i’m trying to like it but it’s just,,,,i mean it’s not bad not by any stretch of the imagination but personally i like other songs on the album more hfaldskfjs

death by a thousand cuts!!!!!! that’s my roommate’s other favorite song lmao!!! again the more i listen to it the more i like it but i def like others on the album more at this point

i had london boy stuck in my head all day yesterday it’s so funny god i know a lot of people who live in and around london have some issues with it which is FINE i won’t pretend like i know anything about it but i think it’s cute LMAO

i can’t listen to soon you’ll get better without legit ugly crying (like we’re talking full on sobbing) just because of everything going on with my own mom right now so maybe in a year or two when things have cleared a little for her i might be able to listen to it again but rn i’ve only listened to it all the way through once

honestly i don’t really like false god that much and i can’t really identify why it’s just,,,,fhasdlfk

you need to calm down is just a straight up bop that i sing in the shower a lot and i know it was controversial esp after the music video came out but like. on a base level the song is just fun

afterglow is one of my other top three on the album,,,,,,,,bc again,,,,,,,,,,relatable,,,,,,,like realizing that she’s safe with this person after kind of instinctively flying off the handle,,,,,,,god. idk i’ve heard a lot of apology songs in the past but this one kind of strikes me bc like,,,,idk she takes full responsibility for it rather than trying to justify it with the conditions that beat that kind of behavior into her over the last few years. she’s taking responsibility for her actions, she’s apologizing, she’s asking him to stay, and at the same time she’s pointing out that she’s human and will probably make similar mistakes in the future and idk that’s just reassuring? bc i’m also human and i also make really big dumb mistakes that hurt other people in the name of self-preservation and i can only hope that someday i’ll meet someone who will stick around anyways

me! is a bop as well it’s massively overplayed at this point and i kind of skip it when i’m listening by myself but my roommate and i scream-sing that one too LMFAO

it’s nice to have a friend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this really is what i thought love would be when i was in like 3rd grade and just becoming aware of it as a concept!!!!!!!! there was a little boy who lived next door and we were best friends growing up and there was never any romantic aspect to our friendship (that i am aware of) but we used to play outside together all the time and it was sweet and simple and secure and that’s the way that song makes me feel!!! also i read that every single instrument/vocal performance on that song (outside of taylor herself) was done by a children’s music group which just adds to the childlike sweetness of the song and gah it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside

daylight,,,,,,,,,,,,,that’s my number 1 y’all i freaking LOVE daylight holy HELL i can’t wait to make my other roommate play/sing it with me at our house show next month??? god it’s just. it’s so indicative of where she’s been, the hell she’s been through both internally- and externally-imposed, and how it makes this moment she now gets to have with the person she loves that much sweeter?? i don’t know i feel like my heart is going to explode every time i hear it and i’m not even remotely close to being in love so i can’t imagine how much deeper it’ll hit if/when i ever do fall in love again and

god i just

i really like lover as an album a WHOLE lot 

[ruffoverthinksthings]

What are the Aks and Vks like when drunk? More silly? Sad drunk? Who starts acting/or subconscious returning to childhood traumas/actions of their parents?

Forclarity, “Drunk” here is defined as the point where a person hasclearly lost all capacity to drive safely, inhibit their emotions, oreven create memories, as the morning after will most likely be a hazyblur.

Without further ado, the Rotten 4 and Ben. I’ll have to continuewith the others at a later time, this is PRETTY long.

Mal - Self-Hating Depressed Drunk

“Fuck off and let me wallow in my sadness, why don’t you...?”

Because of Mal’s half-Fae lineage, it actually takes quite a bitto get her drunk. This was a point of pride in the Isle when shecould be just tipsy when everyone else was wasted to high hell on cider and/or grog, and steal them all for herself and her friends, where shewould down the rest in private, and reminiscince on how awful her lifeis.

When Mal is well and truly wasted, this is where it comes out, allthe vulnerability, the self-hatred, and the repressed realizationthat her life is shit, her mother doesn’t love her, but she’sstill trying in spite of all reason.

She’s also quite defensive and violent, verbally or physically,in this state--you don’t just replace years of maladaptivebehaviour in a such a short amount of time, and unfortunately, what Mal knows and trusts to work is to scare off other people, lock yourself away, and let no one see your weakness.

Jay - Bad Idea Drunk

“Hey, listen: I have a great idea...”

Jay is known for his boldness, and his lack of impulse control. Assoon as an idea comes to his head, there is rarely, if any delay ofwhen he will do it, or immediately start figuring out how to do it.Usually, these will be relatively well thought of with Jay’snumerous thieving and parkour instincts letting detect all the usualexit routes, potential outs, and what’s the most valuable haul hecan take without getting caught, or the safest risk he can take.

Alcohol inhibits most of those instincts towards self-preservationand pragmatism.

Jay is the one most likely to crash a car/magic carpet, get infights and/or arrest, or just wake up upside down at some person’spool with a perfect view from where he’s dangling on the roof,while in nothing but his underwear.

Evie - Flirty Drunk

“I’m a more than a little drunk on booze and you, baby~”

In what comes as a surprise to no one, Evie is even moreflirtatious and friendly than she usually is after some alcohol. It’sjust what she’s been conditioned to do for so many years, what shestill enjoys doing, and what she originally used booze for back inthe Isle—sometimes, viable targets for her seduction weren’tquite as handsome, pretty, or charming as she would like them to be,and lowering her standards in the short-term lets her gain in thelong-term.

Ever since getting into Auradon’s vastly expanded dating pool,she’s since stopped lowering her standards with all the beautifulpeople around and a healthy dose of self-respect and understanding ofthings like consent aside, but the going home to someone else’splace remains.

Carlos - Diva Drunk

“The fuck is this swill I’m drinking?! Did someone switch mydrink? WHO THE FUCK SWITCHED MY DRINK?! BARTENDER! SOMELIER! SOMEONEWITH HALF A BRAIN AND ANY SENSE OF WHAT’S GOOD FOR THEM, I DEMANDYOU REPLACE THIS SPIRIT-FLAVOURED WATER IMMEDIATELY!

“GAH! IMBECILES!”

Though Carlos was terrorized, abused, and enslaved by Cruella allhis life, children are nothing if not sponges, and he has inheritedor adapted many of his mother’s traits, if unconsciously. The sideof him that demands to be treated like the greatest thing sincesliced bread is usually repressed as he couldn’t back it up on theIsle, and most everyone drank or stole all his booze before he couldget proper drunk.

In Auradon, he doesn’t have that “can’t drink enough to getdrunk” problem anymore, but it has been exchanged into how hebecomes an awful person when he’s drunk.

Most of his belief that he should be treated like a god comefrom his intelligence, he starts snapping and berating everyone whohas ever done him wrong, real or imagined, along with generallyturning into someone who would rather be drunk, miserable, and alonethan in the happy company of those he perceives lesser than him.

As I mentioned above, he is drunk to the point where all reasonand self-preserving habits have been turned off.

Ben - Angry Drunk

“You know what, you know what our problem here is in Auradon?Nobody ever wants to admit, that there’s--there’s ever any sortof PROBLEMS here! Like, like, everything is fucking--fuck--fuckinghunky-dory all the time, just because we’re here! I’m like, no:

“The income gap is growing daily! People are stuck in whateversocial class they’re in when they’re born! We’re complicit in afucking crime against all humanity, Fae Folk, and possibly theuniverse everyday!

“Fuck this country, fuck everyone for ever letting it get thisbad, and fuck me for trying to set it right!”

Ben is nothing if not the picture of self-control, moderation, anddiplomacy. However, he still has a Beast’s blood in him, and Belleherself has been a source of righteous anger and indignation. Hekeeps it down through a collection of healthy meditation habits,self-care, and just his in-born capacity to be emphatic, patient, andmaintain his moral high ground for the common good.

However, most of these require a serious dose of willpower andconscious effort, and being drunk makes that extremely difficult toimpossible.

While Ben rarely lashes out physically—everyone but Chad knowsbetter than to provoke him—he does become like his father in thathe mopes, breaks furniture, and wishes to be alone in between yellingand roaring at anyone who might still listen or be in the crossfireof his plight.

It’s a big reason why he’s a social drinker with a handful ofservants he trusts to step in when his famous self-control fails.