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retroellie · 3 years

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Dating Ellie Williams Headcannons

Summary: Headcannons for dating ellie

A/N: Have this because my last imagine was ass... I think i like writing headcannons way more than imagines lmao

Warning: TLOU2 spoilers, Mentions of death, PTSD, and NSFW/dirty talk

Word Count: 1.8k

- She fell in love with you when she first saw you

- She had just come to Jackson after the incident with the fireflies

- You being around the same age as her tommy asked you to show her around and tell her what’s what

- “Ellie this is Y/n, Y/n this is ellie.” Tommy introduced y’all

-Her heart stopped when she saw you, she couldn’t help the blush that was forming.

-She couldn’t stop looking at you when you were talking about the shops and sights around Jackson

- It seemed like you were liked around town, you were friendly to everyone and everyone knew who you were

- She will never forget the thing you said to her when you guys were in front of her new home

-”Tommy told me a lot about you and i just want you to know, you're safe now.”

-She felt for the first time she could let go, relax for a minute

-You helped her move into the garage, trying to make her as comfortable as she could be

- She wrote about you a lot in her journal, writing poems and drawing pictures of you

-You guys hung out a lot with Jesse and Dina but she would much rather hang out with you alone

-You two had become really good friends by the time you guys were 16, i mean Ellie opened up to you more than she did anyone

-Opening up meaning talking about her interests and some of her favorite childhood memories

-She was honestly too scared to tell you about her immunity and even more scared to tell you about her past, afraid that she was gonna scare you away

-You introduced her to cat and you definitely regretted it because cat liked her

-When they started dating cat was definitely the third wheel because you and Ellie were so closer

-You held Ellies hand when she got her tattoo, she couldn’t hide the blush than but blamed it on the pain

-You guys shared the same love for music, you showed her most of the music she listened to

-You would sleep over at her place a lot

-You guys would watch movies, talk about space and dance horribly to old music

-Y’all could never get bored of each other

-When you spent the night at her place you would sleep in her bed with her but it was as friends, Ellie didn’t want you sleep on the floor and you didn’t want to force her out of her own bed

-Ellie would always get so embarrassed when you slept over, she would always go into a gay panic

-By the time y’all were 18, she was head over heels for you

-You two were still best friends but her feelings got in the way so she was distant

-It got to the point where she didn’t want to be with anyone else, it was either you or no one

-She didn’t really have time for relationships so she didn’t really mind it

-She would play guitar for you when you came over, even attempting to teach you

-Everything she owned was yours and everything you owned was hers

-”God damn it, where is my Walkman”

-”Oh, I took it. Mine broke.”

-Ellie bashed on everyone you liked, Little did she know you liked her

- You liked the boy who worked at the bar? She had something to say about him

-You found out she liked you when you two were dancing one night

-Your arms were wrapped around her neck and hers around your waist, it was like a scene from a movie

-You both felt the tension, it made the butterflies in your stomach go crazy

-”I’m just a girl.... not a threat.”

-”Oh ellie... I think they should be terrified of you.”

-Next thing you know her lips were on yours

-The kiss felt like it went on forever until you pulled away, panting for air

-No words exchanged just a smirk and her pulling you out of the church

-She didn’t waste anytime, She’s been waiting for this moment

-Now that you guys were together, you guys were too powerful

-You guys spent a lot of time in her garage, i swear you basically lived there

-You guys could spend hours tangled up together or have heated make out sessions that lead to so much more

-Soft kisses and 80s movies

-endless sex i swear this woman is going to be the death of me

-I have said this before but this girl is always horny, i mean she still has raging hormones so she’s always on top of you

-She tries to highlight her tattoo when pleasuring you because she knows it drives you crazy

-She loves when you sit in her lap, it’s both cute and hella sexy to her

-Her kisses make you lightheaded, like you gotta sit down for a minute after she kisses you

-She finds your body fascinating, like it sounds cringey but she love everything about you body

-She likes to explore your body a lot, like what gets the best reaction out of you

-She’s kinda new to sex, she’s had a fling or two but nothing long term so now she really has to get this shit down

-She’s the top, i said what i said

-Joel has walked in on you two lots of times

-”Hey elli... OH FUCK. SORRY, I’m sorry.” He says while covering his eyes

-You both have to stop for a minute just to laugh your asses off

-Y’all were really loud too so like y’all got complaints a lot

-”Sorry, Y/n came over for a minute.” Ellie says busting through the door

-”Yeah i know, i heard y’all.” Joel joked

-She makes really bad cheesy pick up lines to you

-”You know I’m jealous of your heart, because it’s pumping in and out of you and I’m not.”

-”I’m literally gonna break up with you.’

-She never fails to make you laugh

-Her with her fucking puns mama, you can’t hide from her silly side

-Joel is a proud dad, he loves his lesbian daughter and her girlfriend

-Later on into the relationship ellie fully opens up to you

-You were tracing her tattoo one day, feeling the bumpiness of it

-”What happened?’

-She debated on telling you, Joel said not to tell anyone

-She gave in through, telling you about riley, her immunity, her and Joel's trip, even David

-She ended up crying, you’ve never seen her that broken down before

-You held her most the day, giving her all the kisses she needed

-When Joel died, you were basically always with her. Not wanting to leave her alone

-You were the one that found them. You shook ellie awake, Letting her sob into your shirt

-You brought her home, she could barely move. She was in so much shock and pain

-You cleaned her up and took days off of rounds just to lay in bed with her all day

-The nights were the worst

-She would wake up in tears, sweat drenched her body. She would bury her face into her chest, crying her eyes out

-”I saw him. All the blood..”

-”I know baby, it’s okay. I’m here.”

-you guys were still so in love with each other at 20, maybe even more if that was possible

-The trip to Seattle and trying to kill Abby really brought y’all even closer, seeing sides of each other you guys never had

-The fear and the defeat you both felt on that trip, it made ellie more in love with you that you stayed

-You two lived in a small farmhouse after the trip to Seattle, it was nice and quiet

-You lived like two cottagecore lesbians out in the middle of nowhere, it was a good change

-Ellie would love to paint you with flowers, she found that you and flowers together created a perfect masterpiece

-Ellie was kinda a city girl so you had to teach her a lot of stuff, you mostly read books about farms because you didn’t have a clue either

-You guys lived without pants, like no one was there to see y’all, no one to impress so like fuck it, who needs pants

-Ellie loved waking up to you in the kitchen, with messy hair and nothing but her t-shirt on.... Yes please

-To save water y’all would take baths together, it mostly always turned into bath sex

- Ellie was glued to your side, like wherever you went she was there with you

-She was very distracting, always kissing up your neck or moving your hips on hers

-I swear this woman was distracting without meaning to be

-When she was doing farm work and her tattoo would stand out, it made you want to jump on her every single time

-Sex with her back then was great but sex with her now was so much better

-She really matured a lot, she knew what she wanted and just how to do it

-Your pleasure came first to her, she loved the feeling of being able to pleasure you

-Don’t worry, you didn’t leave her out. You made sure she felt just as good as you

-She wasn’t shy so dirty talk was her thing

-”Just one more time baby, i wanna see you cum on my fingers one more time.” I’m so gross im sorry AHDS

-She would fuck you on literally everything in the house

-No one was near to hear y’all and y’all could do it anywhere and at anytime, it was fucking heaven for y’all

-Y’all were together a lot and although ellie loved it, she knew you liked your alone time

-She would go into her painting room and play guitar or draw, doing anything to keep her busy

- After a hour or two went by you would come in and sit on her lap, hinting that you were getting a bit lonely

-You were always there for her when she went through her attacks, telling her it was going to be okay and you were here with her

-”Y/N! I- I can’t.. can’t breath.”

-”Ellie baby, you're okay. just keep taking deep breaths for me, okay?”

-Seeing her like this broke your heart but you were nothing but patient with her, she was really thankful for that

-You never talked about joel or even riley, you knew those were sensitive topics so when she did talked about them you listened and allowed her to rant

-”You know, I think Riley would’ve really liked you.”

-”You think so?”

-”Yeah, she would’ve liked your weird taste in music.’

-Ellie dreamed about what it would've been like in a normal world

-She could see you two meeting at a movie theater, hitting it off and eventually getting married, Maybe adopting a kid or two

-She was so in love with you, no matter what you looked like or what your body type was. She loved you

!Credits to gif owner!

#the last of us #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us x reader #Ellie Williams #ellie williams x reader #tlou ellie

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castiel-barnes · 3 years

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In Uniform.

Pairing: WW2 pilot Poe x fem! Reader.

Summary: After lots of trouble, Poe finally comes home to you. Set in World War 2.

Warnings: Hurt comfort. Mentions of blood. Swearing.

Wordcount: 1.8k

Tags: @mandosmimi @phoenixhalliwell

When Poe said he was going into the Air Force, you wanted to cry and slap him and tell him "no." But you also wanted to spend almost every waking moment with him and saying "I love you."

Whilst Poe was away, you spent every Monday and Friday with his father Kes. Kes was just as worried for Poe as you were. This was because Poe was his only family he had left. When Poe was young, his mother died in a flight accident. And since then Kes worried about Poe whenever he done one of his stupid stunts.

*************************

Dear sweetheart,

I honestly can't tell you how much I hate being away from you, and how much I am missing you. I wish that the two of us could be on that beach again with beebs from our last holiday. It's boring without you next to me darling. Just wish I could feel your touch again.

I'm going on a mission soon. I'm not sure how long I'll be in the air for, but it shouldn't be too long. The boys pick on me for having your picture amongst my stuff. It's in that book I said I got, to keep it nice and so it won't get creased.

Its a beautiful picture of you. I really like that summer dress on you.

I love you with all my heart.

Your pilot,

Poe xx

You smiled everytime you got a letter from Poe. Although sometimes you couldn't really read the pencil scribble, cause it was written in such haste. The two of you sent regular letters, sometimes you would add a photo and a small flower.

Darling Poe,

I think I miss you just as much as you miss me. I know that Beebs definitely misses you, he keeps sitting in your spot and whining.

I hope you are well my love. I wish you could be here holding me. Breena McKenna got a telegram the other day. Both Joseph and Richard died at Omaha Beach. Beebs and I went over there to comfort her. I wish you would've been here to help.

I hope that this war ends soon, so that I can be back in your arms again. Stay safe my pilot.

I love you so much.

Your sweetheart,

Y/n. Xx

You started to worry though. Poe's letters hadn't been arriving, and you thought that maybe he was busy. But it dragged on, and the pit of worry started to form in your stomach.

You and Breena were out on your porch, when two men dressed in military uniform came up to you. Breena looked at you, worry starting to show on her face.

"Mrs Dameron?" One asked,

"That's me." You replied feeling Breena's hand touch yours gently. The other guy gave you a telegram, and you felt your heart stutter for a moment. Opening the telegram, you saw 4 words written neatly on the paper.

'Lieutenant Poe Dameron. MIA.'

You felt tears threatening to spill onto your cheek.

"E-excuse me, what does MIA mean?" You ask to double check you knew what it meant,

"Missing in action. I'm sorry Ma'am." The first man replied. As the men left, you felt your breathing pick up.

"Y/n come inside." Breena stated quietly. But you didn't get inside, you fell to the ground and started to sob.

"H-he promised Breena. He promised me he'd come home." You whimpered as Breena held you.

****************************

Somewhere in France:

Poe's plane had been shot down by a Messerschmitt 109. Now he was floating down to the ground.

"Shit... shit." Poe said as the parachute drifted towards some trees. He managed to miss the trees and land safely on the ground.

The only things Poe had on him was a knife and his side arms. He looked around and found that he was completely alone. It was quiet and everything around Poe seemed to be completely still. That was until he heard a twig snap.

"Flash" a voice came,

"Thunder." Poe replied. Out of the woods came a platoon of airborne troopers. Easy company.

"What's your name trooper?" A sergeant asked,

"Lieutenant Poe Dameron 2nd squadron." Poe replied looking at the small platoon of airborne troopers.

"Sergeant Lypton sir. What's an air force officer doing in the middle of the woods sir?" Lypton asked,

"Plane got shot down. Just a simple recon mission." Poe stated.

"We'll get you back to our section sir and you can talk to Captain Winters." Lypton said. The platoon formed in to staggered form, with Poe walking next to Lypton.

All of the sudden bullets started to fly through the air. Everyone dropped to the ground and started to fire back. The tree near Poe exploded and wood fragments went into his leg and partially into his side. Lypton heard Poe scream in pain and instantly went to help him.

"Sir!! It's alright you're gonna be alright. Poe come on stay with me." Lypton shouted applying pressure to Poes wounds. Lyptons hands were covered in blood. In Poe's blood.

Poe could feel his body getting lifted up and carried. But other than that Poe's senses had gone and he was on the verge of passing out.

When Poe came round, he found himself in a tent amongst other men. He tried to move but as he did he felt the pain yet dulled down go through his side and down his leg.

"Try not to move sir." A voice from next to him said,

Poe looked to his side and saw Sergeant Lypton. Poe smiled a little and laid his head back down.

"Is it bad?" Poe asked, his voice slightly croaky,

"If I'm honest sir. Your leg is in quite bad shape sir, but you still have it. You're getting transferred nearer to where your base is." Lypton explained.

"Okay, thank you Lypton. Thanks for helping me." Poe responded,

"It's my pleasure sir, stay safe." Lypton stated standing up and saluting. Poe slauted back and rested for the rest of the day.

Later that day, Poe had managed to get transferred to an aid station right near his base. His best friend Snap came into the tent and found him.

"Shit Poe, we thought you died." Snap stated hugging Poe,

"I thought I did for a moment. I- I need to call Y/n she'll be worried as hell and so would dad." Poe groaned.

"Alright, here." Snap pulled up a wheel chair and helped Poe into it. "Careful Poe, I've got you." Snap continued,

Snap wheeled Poe of the Aid tent, and found a spare phone that wasn't in use. Snap left Poe for a bit, so he could talk to you and his father in private.

Your phone rang and your head snapped up from where it was reading the newspaper. You quickly went over to it and picked it up.

"Hello?" You stated,

"Y/n? It's Poe... darling it's me." Poe responded. Your heart stopped.

"Poe? It's you, are you alright? What happened? Oh I can hear you." You said sobbing over the phone,

"I'm alright apart from my leg and my side but don't worry. Baby listen to me, I'm gonna see you very soon I promise." Poe said closing his eyes, tears coming to his.

"You're coming home?" You asked,

"Yeah baby, im coming home." Poe replied. "I'll be home soon Y/n, I love you so much." He continued.

"I love you too, be careful Poe." You responded finally smiling after days. As soon as Poe hung up, you ran over to Breena's.

"Breena!! He's alive!!" You exclaimed,

"What?" She asked.

"Poe! He's alive." You said. She smiled and hugged you. Breena really didn't want you to go through what she did with her brothers.

Snap took him back to the tent, and helped him back onto the bed.

"We're gonna miss the hell out of Poe." Snap stated,

"I know you will, we'll go for drinks once this shit is over yeah?" Poe replied, snap smiled and agreed.

**************************

A few days later:

Poe was finally on his way back to you. He had all of his belongings, especially the book he had with your picture inside of it. He was in full uniform, but he was also on crutches so his leg could continue to heal properly.

You heard a knock at your door, and you quickly brushed yourself down before answering it. As you answered it, your jaw dropped to see your pilot. You smiled and hugged him and felt one of his hands come to your back.

"Hey baby." Poe whispered,

"Hi." You replied holding back a sob.

"I'm home." Poe said kissing you on the forehead. You smiled tearfully and felt him wipe the tears away. Helping Poe into the house, you looked over him fully. There he was wearing uniform, but on crutches at the same time.

"What?" Poe asked, noticing you looking at him,

"You look handsome in uniform." You responded smiling and smoothing down the lapel of his jacket. Poe blushed, and it wasn't often you could get Poe to blush.

"Thank you honey." He smiled back kissing you gently. All of a sudden you heard the quick patter and sliding of nails on hard wood floor. Beebs, your and Poe's yellow labrador came barrowling through the house and practically jumped at Poe. Poe landed with a soft grunt and a groan which quickly turned into laughter.

"Hey buddy I missed you too." Poe stated smiling "you been doing your job beebs?" He continued playing with Beebs. Poe played with Beebs a little longer and then Beebs went off to have dinner.

"Do you want help honey?" You asked Poe who was still sitting on the floor,

"Yes please darling." Poe replied, you helped him up and gave him back his crutches.

"I'm going to get out of this uniform." He continued,

"Okay sweet." You replied and watch him go off into your shared bedroom. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Breena walking up your walk. She smiled at you.

"Is he okay?" She asked,

"He's on crutches but at least he's in one piece." You replied smiling back. And speaking of the devil, Poe came back dressed in normal clothing for the first time in over a year.

"Hey Breena." Poe smiled,

"Hi Poe, how are you?" Breena asked.

"As best as i can be in these." Poe gestured to the crutches, "I'm sorry to hear about your brothers." He continued,

"It's alright, we all knew it could happen. You're a lucky man to have this lady here Poe, she has the kindest heart out of everyone I know." Breena replied smiling. You smiled and blushed a little. Breena said goodbye and left the two of you be, for the rest of the day. The two of you sat together cuddled up on the sofa, sharing soft glances and sweet kisses.

"Does it hurt?" You asked quietly,

"Only a little, but not as bad as it did when it happened." Poe replied kissing the top of your head.

You were so glad to have Poe home. Although he was still recovering from his injuries, he was there.

You had your little family back.

#writing #au #wwii #poe dameron #star wars

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bigskydreaming · 3 years

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Hey friendly reminder that I honestly do not want anyone to follow me unless they actually WANT to which means they are free to unfollow, refollow, leave and come back and leave again or WHATEVER as many times as they want, for any reason whatsoever. Including if my posting styles of the moment get to be too much for them or are not to their liking, etc?

BUT I have been seeing a surge in comments in notes and stuff on various posts of mine about the length of my posts or the rambling of my posts and like....I know? This is not new information to me? But I post the way I post at any given time based on the resources I have at any given time and the fact that its often a matter of I can post a long rambling post or I can make no post at all.

Like, I really truly do not like going into specifics about my situation more than necessary or when not necessary, because like, my situation is boring to me, I don’t particularly care to dwell on it any more than I have to. But the fact of the matter is its still a thing that exists so here goes: yes I have physical issues like near constant migraines and pain and also vertigo, and yes I have neurodivergencies like C-PTSD and ADHD and yes I have circumstances that include near constant stress from eternally being in the negatives, financially, as well as being almost constantly hungry from a lack of money and limited options for eating due to the physical constraints of my jaw as well as being consistently sleep deprived because there’s only so much sleep you can get when there’s no such thing as a physically comfortable sleeping arrangement for you currently, all while existing in a constant limbo of I literally have NO idea when any of this will change for me because haha fun fact WE LIVE IN A PANDEMIC.

My point is like......all of these are things I’m not shy about, but they don’t exist as bullet points in a checklist of identity or circumstantial traits, they all exist at all times as points of fact that influence and inform and interact with each other.

So my financial situation and limbo of not being able to move forward with my surgery because of the chaos of the health care industry during a pandemic directly informs both the way stress impacts my mental health issues, but also my ability to treat my mental health issues by way of medication, nutrition, rest.....ie, almost every cent I make via work, etc, goes right back out the door to keeping up my insurance premiums of $850 a month, because even though my surgery is paid for, there’s still elements like hospital stay fees, anesthesia, etc, that won’t be paid until the day of surgery itself, and which I will not be able to pay without my insurance remaining current and active. Which means that I had to prioritize an insurance package that would net me THOSE benefits, which means I had to sacrifice parts of insurance that are no longer in that package, but which previously made things like my medications, refill appointments and therapy more affordable for me.

Which means that I have to prioritize my medication and therapy etc and maintain my therapy and PTSD, depression and anxiety meds as the most important to upkeep, while my ADHD meds are pretty much priced out of accessibility for me at the moment. Like, the specifics of my metabolism and various trial and error with different meds over the years and the way my body rapidly adapts to various meds and plateaus to a point where they cease to have any real impact on me means the only ADHD medication that’s consistently effective for me is Vyvanse, which there isn’t a viable generic form of that I can take, meaning a monthly refill of it is $350 without insurance, which I flat out can not ever afford anymore, which means its been roughly two months since I last popped an ADHD pill.

So yeah, that directly impacts things like my ability to self-edit, make a point briefly, or refrain from circling back to the same point several times over and over because I literally forget that I made it.

Now of course ADHD medication is not the be-all and end-all and its not like there aren’t various other life-hacks and coping strategies for working around ADHD even without it, after all, I didn’t even get diagnosed until I was 26. But these various other adaptations rely on things like good nutrition (which I can not regularly afford, or even consume....most leafy green vegetables for example, or fruits other than berries, are literally nonstarters for me because I don’t have enough leverage with my one-sided jaw to CHEW them in the first place, and the ingredients for making smoothies regularly are again, expensive). So nutrition as a hack for ADHD management is pretty much out - I’m too busy prioritizing eating anything I can, whenever I can afford to. Other adaptations involve getting lots of rest: something that again, physically isn’t all that viable for me these days, even leaving aside the effects of constant stress on attempts at getting meaningful rest, along with the constant stress and constraints of trying to work as much as humanly possible in my circumstances, in order to keep bringing in income to go to insurance, rent, and food and meds. Then there’s also the stabilizing effects exercise and physical activity can have on the brain and various neurodivergencies like mine, but the migraines and vertigo make most forms of exercise a nonstarter for me, with most of the rest invalidated by the fact that I’m pretty much always hungry, tired, and in chronic pain.

Now let’s examine work and the viability of obtaining more sources of income to help with all this. Well, my options are limited there too due to the ecosystem of factors in play. I’ve been trying for awhile to find even a part time job in my area I can do, but the problems are even though I can make myself mobile and active through my pain issues and migraines, and am even good at gritting and bearing it and acting like I’m smiling and laughing and happy even while in excruciating pain (yay, perks of childhood abuse making a career in retail viable even while practically dead on my feet, lololol)......there’s the simple physiological limitation that I just can’t stay upright RELIABLY for more than a couple hours at a time. Eventually, dizziness knocks me on my ass. Downside of a jaw that’s constantly hanging with all its weight from one side of your face, fucking with your ability to even stand up straight, not to mention causing inner ear and equilibrium problems at random whenever you open or close your mouth in the wrong way (or mere approximation of ANY kind of way).

So, standing upright at any kind of customer service or retail job is one issue. Stocking stuff, that sort of thing.....not really an option when you’re likely to drop all of it at any given moment. But then there’s bracing myself at cash registers, something like a job at Starbucks or hell there’s a Jamba Juice nearby, that’d also get me an employee discount for smoothies I can drink regularly. Course, there’s the whirring of blenders and such, which pair great with constant migraines. Etc. Etc.

BUT. I’m a well-rounded person with lots of skills....which lead to things like my freelance graphic design business as a book cover designer, as well as various writing endeavors, etc. And all of these are things that I DO do, currently. They’re how I make my income as is. There’s absolutely more jobs out there, but the fact is as a freelancer, FINDING additional jobs is a time consuming and spoon consuming process, that is additionally impacted by factors like ADHD, so not only does looking for work require time that’s not already being spent working, it also requires the management and expenditure of mental resources that I have to prioritize FIRST towards applying them to what work I already DO have, given the absence of ADHD medication and minimal coping or regulatory habits allowing for me to be all that productive WITHOUT said meds.

Not to mention the strain sitting in front of a computer all day for work in venues like graphic design, etc, puts on migraines, so there’s only so many hours I can devote daily or in one sitting to doing things like cover work. Much of my writing time is spent not actually writing, but me just dictating into notes on my phone and then copying and pasting all that into the appropriate formats for fiction, nonfiction and just random posts. Of course here then I have to prioritize applying my mental resources to first making sure the stuff I write to make money gets edited or properly pared down to size and isn’t repeating the same shit over and over and over, then doing the same to stuff I write fic wise as one of my few escapes from Real Life BS so I can at least point to having SOME kind of life (as this has been my daily existence for years, and uh.....people having things they like or like to do, as much as is humanly feasible, only becomes MORE of a necessity the more stress involved in their day to day life, not less).

Meaning by the time I even get to posting, like.....as much as it may look like I do a lot of it, the speed at which I write when I have any kinds of spoons to apply to posting or composing thoughts at ALL means I actually pour out a lot in a little span of time.....BUT that’s not like, a Skill so much as its a Fact. Its just the way I am and it comes with its downsides as well as its upsides....Im good at banging out a lot in a short amount of time, but ONLY when I just....let it go, versus try and regulate it all or squeeze it out bit by bit. I’m a sprint poster these days rather than a marathoner, even if the length of my thoughts makes it LOOK like the latter.....the reality is for me it tends to be all or nothing, its whatever I can get on the page BEFORE I lose my breath or train of thought. So that’s why it looks the way it does, because that was the only form it was coming out at the specific time and space when I had the energy and brainpower TO get it out, and going back in hindsight and editing it for clarity or brevity AFTER I gasp it all out requires energy and breath I do not have PAST that point, so it becomes a simple equation of well do I want a post to exist here at all or not at all.....and I err on the side of posting. This isn’t a defense because there’s nothing to defend, mind you, I’m simply explaining my way through my thought process, approach to things, and realities of my day to day existence for you to do with whatever you want. Its just a perspective you may not have had before. Whatever.

Of course, even this doesn’t exist in a void. Something that’s always a factor in my awareness when posting is like......I’m lucky enough to have a large enough following that cares enough about what I have to say for whatever reasons or puts enough value in what I have to say or the things I write and create, that I’ve been able to supplement my financial needs when absolutely necessary at times, by way of donation posts. I try not to lean on them more than necessary because I am keenly aware that they are a gift from people, many of whom I do not know and will likely never meet, and as such, not something I have any form of expectation for. I make donation posts when and where I do not in the anticipation of getting them met, but simply for a lack of any other options whatsoever. I’m limited in the work I can do, and the time and energy I can devote to finding more of that same work. There’s not a ton of other career paths I can pursue even from behind a computer due to my lack of a college degree, and the fact that even when I’m qualified skill or knowledge wise, I lack the specific credentials for verifying that I possess those skills or knowledge in a way employers are inclined to recognize and/or validate. Going BACK to school to get said credentials is an expenditure of time, finances, and other resources I do not have to spare at the moment or any time soon, especially not in the name of shoring up a lack of all that in the present term.

I dropped out of college freshman year after my gaybashing and rape. I never went back to it for a variety of reasons that were only half about resources and half about intent. My family is not a presence in my life and hasn’t really been in any significant way since I was eighteen, so college in the first place was something I had to be entirely self-sufficient about....I was only able to afford to go the year that I did go by way of academic scholarships that were dependent on grades I couldn’t keep up in the wake of what happened to me, and that I couldn’t exactly ever get back without a foundation to build upon, like high school and my initial academic career. Then in the half that was about intent, I eventually moved into pursuing my actual interests like writing, graphic design and acting. One of the things I’ve always loved about those is that output and portfolio nets you more than credentials most of the time....they ARE your credentials. I was actually pretty damn successful as an actor for years, not in the way that leads to being someone that people would recognize, but in the way that leads to being able to support yourself doing what you love. All the skillsets that I have but could not back up with things like a diploma were still useful to me as an actor in a way that they’re not in terms of getting things like tutoring or teaching jobs.....I speak multiple languages but I’m self taught, I have a black belt in karate, I’m a classically trained pianist, I know a whole lot of shit about random shit that I just learned because I wanted to, and all of that got me the kind of work that I was looking for and meant I COULD work and make a living off those things for years throughout my twenty....work that I would not have been able to get if I had been back sitting in a classroom instead. The primary currency of my years as an actor were life experiences and I had those in spades, and I was very good at what I did, if I do say so myself, and the reasons I never advanced further career wise tended to have less to do with whether or not I booked the roles I auditioned for and whether I got the auditions at all......

I’m getting a bit off topic here but I’m just saying there’s definitely a convo to be had at some point, about the roles and opportunities I turned down because I wasn’t willing to sleep with someone or put up with their advancements in order to do so. Something that’s a dime a dozen in Hollywood and the thing is.....I was a sex worker, for years, before I moved to Hollywood and started working as an actor. But there’s a distinct difference between the way people talk about, interact with and perceive someone who’s gotten roles because of sex, advanced up a corporate ladder because of sex...versus, gotten paid because of sex. I didn’t turn down offers of roles for sex because of my hang-ups about sex but rather other peoples’......I had a problem with various parts of the industry that would have thought nothing about me getting a role because a producer wanted to sleep with me, but would have turned up their nose at me because I slept with someone to get money for groceries before. Basically I’m just saying the specific bullshit Hollywood has not just about sex but predatory behavior got in the way of my career advancement because there were some games I just wasn’t willing to play....which hails from the very life experiences that oftentimes made me so good as an actor in the first place.

Which brings me back again to my main point......none of this exists in a vaccuum. Being the sum of our life experiences and variables means being the SUM of that, at ALL times, both in large and small ways. We are never just a LIST of identity traits or experiences. They all constantly loop back around and feed into each other and inform where we are at every second of every day and where we GO in each second, what we DO with our days and the choices we make.

Which is where so much of my discontent with fandoms, on social media in general, with PEOPLE in my day to day life comes from: this desire people have to compartmentalize, to ZERO IN on specific factors or variables or instances and act like it even CAN be divorced from all other influences. Its not that you can’t FOCUS on one thing at a time, its just even when you do that, that doesn’t like....snap all existing connections that thing has to everything outside of your area of focus.

As an example, my attitudes on being a survivor and various kinds of fiction get me a ton of pushback from various corners, and its all geared around the same premise: don’t like, don’t read. Put a wall up between you and it. Focus on just what you’re doing and forget what everyone else is doing.

But it doesn’t work like that. It CAN’T work like that. And this commitment people have to pretending it does just because that pretense has been working for them, THAT, I’d argue, is the true wedge in fandom spaces.

Everything about me is connected to something else. I’m a childhood abuse and incest csa survivor. When my therapist asks me to picture a moment from my childhood when I felt safe or protected, I got nothing. I don’t have that resource. I don’t know what that feeling is meant to feel like, because I never felt it. And that connects directly into the fact that when I was gaybashed in college, after they dumped me in a fucking park, bleeding and covered in writing, I didn’t even think about going to the hospital, the police, let alone calling anyone like my parents, I just picked myself up and walked back to my dorm, cleaned myself off as best I could, and went to class next Monday morning. That’s fucked up, I shouldn’t have had to, but its what I did, and there’s no divorcing that from any of the contexts of WHY that’s what I did, and why I didn’t think there was any other logical recourse or option for me then. Just like all of that also links back to growing up in the closet and entering high school the same month Matthew Shepherd was attacked, and then when he ultimately died two months later, and watching everybody’s reactions to that informed the fact that I did not remotely feel safe in the aftermath of my attack, disclosing what happened to people around me, or just like I didn’t take it on face value that even if they said appropriately sensitive things to me to my face didn’t mean that like when I was a freshman in high school and everyone was reacting to that, they wouldn’t revert to callous jokes about fags the second they felt a little less out of the spotlight or in the right company for those jokes.

And all of that directly links into my feelings not just when people write rape and gaybashing scenes that make no attempt at any kind of catharsis but rather only appear to exist for the fetishization, the glamorization, the VALIDATION of the idea that in the right context, those kinds of scenes can be hot to the right audience rather than demoralizing to the figure who’s pain and humaniliation is required for everyone else’s entertainment....but it also additionally plays into the reactions and attitudes I have when people look at me going “wow, really don’t like the lens you’re using here or the environment you’re creating around an experience that is never anything BUT painful and traumatic for someone who lived it, like I did” and choose to respond to that by saying things that amount to “well you’re basically just like conservative southern assholes who hate free speech when you say stuff like this,” cuz y’know.....that’s describing my literal oppressors. That’s lumping me in with the actual literal kind of people who are the SOURCE of my trauma there, all because you felt butthurt and defensive about how I said I wasn’t comfortable with the kinds of jokes and output you were making about scenes that aren’t that far divorced from my own personal reality, and that I shouldn’t HAVE to divorce from my own experiences just to exist within certain fandom spaces.

And just like the fact that being an incest survivor is directly relevant to the fact that my stepmother always made an effort to keep me at a distance because not wanting to admit to what happened to me and how it played into our family entanglements was directly linked back to the fact that she and my aunt were both incest survivors who never got the opportunities to deal with what happened to them, which in turn directly plays into the fact that ultimately my aunt ended up taking her own life a few years ago, which also very much informs my attitude towards people interacting with incest ships as something cutesy and uwu, as my aunt was literally the only person in my family I ever WAS close to or comfortable with. And there’s no divorcing any of that into nice neat little compartments that make it easier for anyone on the outside looking in to just peek through ONE window to see what they might see, and try and act like it doesn’t matter what’s in any of those other boxes because it has nothing to do with the only one they want to concern themselves with.

And my lack of resources and emotional state post gay-bashing led directly into my sex work for various reasons, which led in various ways to better things for me in some respects, while compounding certain traumas of mine in other respects, and there’s no divorcing any of that from the rest either. There’s no ‘my time as a sex worker was good’ even though some of it was and there’s no ‘my time as a sex worker was bad’ even though some of it really was. And a lot of the attitudes of some of the rich assholes who paid me for sex and viewed me as a plaything they could do anything to directly informs my resistance to letting powerful assholes in Hollywood hold roles over my head in exchange for sex, even though the latter could have advanced my career in huge ways and led to me being a lot more financially stable and self-sufficient by the time my physical issues emerged due to the jaw joint on one side of my head eroding through and snapping completely just like that in turn was a long-building repercussion of not just my gaybashing, but my decision to never go to the hospital and get checked out after it.

None of this can be cut away from the rest and trimmed into neat little pieces that don’t color outside the lines or impact anything else. Just like my gaybashing itself can’t be divorced from my white privilege, and the fact that it played into the fact that I survived that night in the first place. Something I say not in some weird white guilt kinda way like people try and project onto others for even acknowledging white privilege, like no its not like I fucking wish I died to prove some kind of weird point, what I’m talking about is just the simple basic AWARENESS that multiple and even contradictory factors exist in even the most extreme of situations. And its never anything BUT self-serving to pretend that you can frame it as otherwise.

And so when I talk about being a survivor, just like with all the rest of this, I’m not talking about some arbitrary status of survivorhood that exists in a specific point in time and is only relevant to some singular event I survived, its applicable to everything about my life big and small. I’m a survivor every single day I’ve survived, every day I wake up and keep moving forward despite the pain and stress and lingering trauma of what was done to me one night sixteen years ago, I’m surviving what they did every bit as much as I survived it that night and in the morning after as I dragged myself back to my room. Just like my status as an abuse survivor stemming from childhood directly informs everything about not just my coping mechanisms but my entire freaking worldview as someone who grew up throughout childhood learning to view the world through a lens in which he was simultaneously not safe due to the presence of victimizers in his own home, while at the same time still having certain protections that others don’t have in life in general due to not just again my white privilege but my male privilege, my cis privilege.

And that’s what makes it so laughable and so offensive when people act like I’m defining myself by being a survivor as some kind of singular identity trait whenever I raise it as something of relevance in fandom discussions that have EVERYTHING to do with stances of abuse apologism and homophobic ideas that directly play into why I was so unsafe in certain parts and times of my life, because who the fuck is anyone else to tell me how my experiences as a survivor and how they shaped me are or are not relevant to ideas pertaining to those very things, when brought front and center and face to face with me in various fandoms due to the insistence of fandoms at large on KEEPING these things front and center in almost ALL fandom discussions? Like, the hilarious irony of people who have so wholly centered certain types of ship and content in terms of their own personal fandom identities that they can’t help but feel personally attacked when someone so much as says “I don’t like the ideas you’re broadcasting alongside your choice to amplify and signal boost this kind of content because you’re not JUST signalboosting the content itself, but these specific perceptions of it and ideas in support of and in apology for it.”....like, turning around and saying IM too defined by my views stemming from my existence as a survivor. The call is coming from inside the house, lolol.

Again, none of this can be divorced from the rest. It can be focused on one piece at a time, but its connections to everything else that informs it in various RELEVANT ways, can not be made IRRELEVANT just because you don’t like the picture that forms when you’re forced to look at the WHOLE picture instead of just willfully condensing the frame to just the part you like or want to talk about.

And to bring it all home, looping back up to what I opened with:

Do you know how often I hear people say shit about the length of my posts or the rambling nature or in various ways act INCONVENIENCED by various things about how they have to interact with my posts when that interaction itself is still completely voluntary?

Taking in everything I said in this post, the way it all interconnects and informs other things, I’d like to ask anyone who has ever objected to some post somewhere or derided one because of something as ultimately nonconsequential as the length of it, something where its literally just like....scroll a few more seconds......do you apply the same energy and scrutiny to posts that cross your dash that are filled with various things like racism, transphobia, rape or pedophilia fetishization or abuse apologism, or do you let that slide by without acknowledgment before looking at a post that makes you sigh because of how fucking LONG it was and think...this, THIS is what I’m gonna choose to speak up about?

Because that’s ultimately what this is all about. Here’s the kicker with everything I said....my life could be better, I want it to be better, from the biggest aspects of it and pain issues to stuff just like.....the fandom communities I immerse myself in for my own attempts at having something to counterbalance real life stress. But at the end of the day, there’s no my life sucks or my life rocks....its still just...my life. And it has its good as well as its bad, and that ultimately hails from my choices, and the fact that like....even while there are choices I literally CAN’T make, I can be comfortable with the ones I DO make.

And so like......would my life be easier in some respects now if I’d gone back to school and gotten a diploma and had more job opportunities available to me? Yeah, for sure. But that awareness doesn’t mean I regret my choice NOT to go back to school when I DID have more opportunities for that, because the acting career I had at those times instead was the choice I made, with intent, and its one I’m still glad for making. Those experiences still matter, still meant something and still mean something to me.

And do I wish that I’d coped with what happened to me in college in different, healthier ways that would have given me more tools for how I interact with my trauma and who I became after that, rather than how I did? Yeah, sometimes, for sure. But not without losing my awareness that the choices I did make at the time were not made in a vacuum, and can not be edited in hindsight....there were reasons I made them, reasons that were informed by everything that had happened to me previously and stemmed from a lot of things I still didn’t have control over and as such always placed a cap on the range of choices that were available to me back then, because there’s a difference between choices that exist in theory versus choices that exist as something that might viably be chosen at a particular place and time.

The world is big and complicated. Life is big and complicated. WE are big and complicated. And nothing about understanding any of that is IMO benefited by putting most of our effort into SHRINKING our worldviews, constructing artificial frames that don’t just focus us in on specific aspects of it for finite periods but attempt to then treat that as its own individual thing utterly disconnected from anything else that might be going on OUTSIDE that picture frame.

So if you’ve read this far and you’ve taken anything away from this big long rambling post that could be a lot shorter, could be a lot less rambling, but could also just not have been posted at all and I’d rather have it exist in this form than let everything in it go unsaid.....

My request would be that your takeaway be this: to look at your choices in regards to some specific finite interaction in even just one of your fandoms, and see what happens when you open the frame back up. If you widen the scope. If you let other things into the picture. Are you still comfortable with the choices you make or don’t make in light of THAT image, are they any different from the ones you made or would have made when keeping things as small and contained in your awareness as possible, just because that was easier for you to conceptualize, easier to navigate around, just....less COMPLICATED?

Because things aren’t made less complicated just by the mere fact of WANTING them to be.

And if your choices are more born of what you’d say or do IF the world were as finite or as limited as its sometimes easier to pretend it is......is that really the approach you want to go with and the reasoning you want to stand by?

And similarly, if there are choices you make and that in ORDER for you to feel comfortable making them, you feel a need to tighten your focus or shrink your worldview around one specific element or area and leave out all the rest and only then are you truly comfortable with doing or saying something, like......

Its important to remember that this isn’t the only option you have for making yourself more comfortable with things you say or do or think, or even just have in the past.

The other perfectly viable option exists: you can simply....make different choices.

#this is a post #im not entirely sure how else to describe it #just that it is not necessarily the post that it looks like beneath the cut that it looks like above the cut #so all I've got is: this has been a post #make of it what you will #lololol #its....whatever #ANYWHO

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kumoriyami-xiuzhen · 4 years

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Hakuoki Drama Shinsengumi Oni-tan Track 2 Translation

well... finally got around to finishing ssl’s harada’s cross short stories... been super sleepy this week... which doesn't help with me being swamped with stuff to study since i finally booked the exam for the aws course im taking... it’ll be a month and half before I can resume my normal pace for all things... that is assuming I’m still stuck at home doing nothing aside from looking for a job. oh well. lol. im in the health>everything category... stay safe people!

anyway, this is my translation of Shinsengumi Oni-tan track 2! according to the drama info page, I believe this is the very first audio drama that either Amagiri’s or Shinaranui’s VA participated in tho i can’t remember who it was... however, this cd is definitely both VAs’ first appearance in a Hakuoki drama.

due to content of this, out of all the dramas i have TL for, i’ve wanted this translated the most... unfortunately since all i got for resources are images and a video of the translation, it’s a serious pain in my ass to translate it since my CH word recognition ability is very bad...

well, no pain no gain as they say... though i think i suffer way more than what i get back in return lol. finals edits will be done later when i get to making my subtitle video (delayed due to me being busy).

anyway, enjoy~!!!!

do not repost elsewhere or else!

Hakuoki Drama CD: Shinsengumi Oni-tan Track 2: A Letter from the Yase

Translation by KumoriYami

Shiranui: Ah~ahah~ really, this is turning out to be a real hassle. hey, Amagiri, have you read this letter?

Amagiri: Yes, I've already checked it. Having received a letter from the Yase princess, I was contemplating on what should be done next.

Shiranui: Then, what's to be done [what do you plan on doing?]. Do you intend to/Should we tell Kazama about this? If it's anything related to that guy, it'll be even more troublesome.

Amagiri: I don't blame your way of thinking, but because he is the leader of the western clans, there's no choice but to inform him of this.

Shiranui: Mah~ na.

Kazama: Amagiri, you've come.

Shiranui: oh, you're finally here.

Kazama: Shiranui. Why are you here?

Amagiri: His presence today is owed to oni relations.

Kazama: What business do you have. If there's nothing, hurry up and go.

Shiranui: mah, mah, quit being so inflexible. Compared to that, what's the matter with you. I just had nothing important to do so I went out. Were you checking on that girl's condition/situation [check for Kazama in audio here]?

Kazama: Of course. My wife has constantly been mistreated by those wild dogs. To check on her situation is my/the duty/obligation as a/of the husband.

Shiranui: I was only joking. However you actually did that./You actually went [check audio for if sounds like a question]?

Amagiri: I'll be asking this just in case, [but] you didn't forcefully touch her/come into contact with her right?

Kazama: Hmph, how could that possibly happen. As long as my wife sees me, she will graciously cheer aloud [roughly says: thankfully cheer for (me). reword later?]. So today I only watched her from a distance.

Shiranui: You should really learn how to distinguish/what the difference between screaming and cheering is.

Amagiri: Observing from a distance, this type of activity is still not appropriate as a leader.

Kazama: The next time I'd like to prepare glasses to watch her from a distance [or maybe: something to watch her from a distance. the version i used for this translation says glasses.... check other tl later since im assuming this to be binoculars/telescope], but I won't be talking about that now. Instead of that, there's something you should know.

Shiranui: Ah? It's not going to be something boring again right?

Kazama: It can be considered boring/simple/ can't be considered complicated, in a sense. This was something that just happened after I encountered the Shinsengumi recently on my way back. I don't know why, [but] among that pack of dogs, [there seems] to be someone who's inherited the blood of the oni.

Shiranui: Eh... Amagiri: Hmm

Kazama: What's with that response? That reaction, are the two of you thinking that I'm an idiot?

Amagiri: No. We didn't mean to imply that, but how could that be?

Shiranuui: To confirm then, you saw an oni that wasn't Kodo's daughter?

Kazama: They're unrelated to my wife, I saw a young man, it's impossible for me to mistaken the characteristic [not sure if this is more of the 'mistaken in what i saw' sense or unable to be mistaken in this' kind of sense. check other tl after], he must have inherited the blood of the oni.

Shiranui: It turns out it was like that. Indeed, this can be considered simple/not complicated. Actually, this was sent/delivered recently.

Kazama: What is it, that letter.

Amagiri: Nn. This was from the oni living in Kyoto, Princess Yase's envoy delievered it.

Kazama: Huh. Is that woman finally going to bow down before me?

Shiranui: Why do you immediately imagine that.

Kazama: Then, don't be surprised otherwise [roughly says something to the effect of 'don't leave a man's appetite in suspense' so i put down what i thought made more sense. double check both tls later], hurry up and read the letter.

Shiranui:......."To Amagiri, Shiranui, also Kazama" Ah, by the way I added that in because it doesn't make sense [to not do so], [though] this letter was mainly directed towards me and Amagiri [check other tl later].

Kazama:......By the way [check audio and other tl], Shiranui. Are you deliberately adding in details while reading this to make this more interesting [literally: to add oil and vinegar, which figuratively means: 'adding details while telling a story (to make it more interesting)']?

Shiranui: Don't use such unpleasant words, that's basically how it reads.

Kazama: Che, it seems that Kyoto's oni do not know much about manners/etiquette. It seems that oni princess has inherited that lunacy of her ancestor [the translation of "血肿," used here means hematoma/swelling of soft tissue due internal hemorrhage... so I put in what I kinda thought was appropriate given the time period]. How laughable [check other tl. i’d guess ‘amusing’ though].

Amagiri: Can I continue reading this? [continue with this]

Kazama: Ah... Hurry up continue reading. What's wrong with that guy [check tl]?

Amagiri: "then before I get to the main point, I will first say, if you're still coveting Kodo's daughter, you should give up," she said.

Kazama: That's ridiculous.

Amagiri: It seems that the Yase Princess is speculating that, she [that girl] is fond of someone in the Shinsengumi. Perhaps it's he harsh/strict and strong Hijikata... or perhaps it’s Okita or Saito, who are excellent swordsmen/have superior swordsmanship. Of course, it's possible that it's Todou or Harada, since it's hard to guess/determine who it might be [reword later].

Kazama: That's utter nonsense/what a load of nonsense [check audio. the tl is the same where it says 'that's ridiculous']! Get to the point.

Shiranui: Really, you're impulsive as ever. Anyway, it says that a different clan [while i use the word 'clan' here, and most of the other times i see the word '族', it can also mean race/nationality/ethnicity/social group (ex - office workers). may use "group" since it's more ambiguous when I get to making the video] of oni entered Kyoto not so long ago.

Kazama: Oh? there are [other] oni in Kyoto? Where are these oni from?

Amagiri: Based on their whereabouts, they should have come from the west [says 'western part' so i might change this to 'from western lands']. So if we know something, That's why she's saying that if we know something, to please tell her.

Kazama: So it's like that/that is to say, the person I saw recently in the Shinsengumi, is the someone who probably comes from an oni clan fro a different part of the country, as mentioned in this letter.

Amagiri: That is very likely. Although Kyoto has long history, the bloodlines of many oni clans are around here/in the area. [may just omit bloodlines entirely here]

Shiranui: Joining the Shinsengumi, that sounds impossible/Then joining the Shinsengumi is even more impossible [check other tl and audio]. Then as the leader of the Western clans, do you have any idea/know anything about this oni clan?

Kazama: No/I don't know, at least I have never been in contact with them.

Amagiri: Then I'll contact the village to investigate [check tl again since the tl i wrote says 'fight'. probably wrote something down incorrectly]. How do you intend to handle this unidentified oni clan?

Shiranui: The Shinsengumi being involved in this, already makes this a real hassle. If that guy becomes a member of the Shinsengumi, we'll be fighting sooner or later.

Amagiri: Did he know that the Shinsengumi is hostile towards us, or did he know that there's a female oni within the Shinsengumi?

Shiranui: Either way it's a problem.

Kazama: hrn...

Shiranui: I'll first say, that even if it's me, I don't want to fight against another oni. There are a barely any of us to begin with/ There aren't a lot of us to begin with.

Amagiri: Then, what should be done, Kazama.

Kazama: That remains to be seen. let's go. Amagiri. Shiranui. Based on my observations, I'm afraid that the strength of his bloodline is so weak that he doesn't even know that he is an oni. Those who have inherited the noble blood of the oni, even if they don't know it, answering to the call of humans [check other tl], is something that must never be allowed.

----------

ah i wish i could have someone reading a letter from sen about why saito is better than kazama lol....hahaha i can only wish.

unfortunately im still really busy so i don’t when i’ll be able to translate the next track of this... still would like to have it done before end of the year though.

also, the reason why the sanan tsukikage chapter TLs were taken down from that blog i found was apparently because the site itself had problems with the images that were uploaded along with the author’s translations... i think?

Well, regardless of the reason, i was able to save the tl of sanan’s 1st tsukikage chapter since it got re-posted, and guess that means it’s only a matter of time before the tl of chapter 6 gets re-uploaded so i can go save it later....

#hakuoki #hakuouki #hakuoki drama cd #hakuoki drama translation

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cynicalrainbows · 4 years

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The Next Best Thing Chapter 15

Catalina arrives early, when they’re still finishing the last of the birthday pancakes.

Anna is spreading Nutella with a surgeon's precision to ensure it covers her pancake right to the edges; Anne is running her fingers through a maple syrup puddle on the table and licking them. Baby Catherine is chewing on a bit of plain pancake in her highchair and Mary is putting the pan in the dishwasher.

She’s only eating the strawberries but she aims a cuff at Anne when Anne asks if it’s because she’s on another diet and tells her to mind her own business.

Anne subsides with a giggle and steals a spoonful of Nutella straight from the jar, whispering that Mary couldn’t fit into her new jeans when she tried them on last weekend. Mary’s face goes redder than the strawberries and she looks crosser than ever- but they’re interrupted by the doorbell.

Cathy abandons her own pancake-face (with a Father Christmas beard of snowy white whipped cream- it looks excellent even though she’s not really that fond of the taste of whipped cream) when she hears Catalina’s voice in the hall doing the boring grown up Garden’s looking lovely, traffic, parking, price of petrol stuff that all grown ups seem incapable of not saying when they meet each other.

(She’s glad that when she sees Anne and her other friends, they can just jump right into talking about interesting things like books and television and whether rubbing two jelly aliens together and putting them in the freezer makes then make a tiny alien baby, and is it murder if your tamagotchi dies because you weren’t allowed to get down from Sunday Lunch to feed it, and is it true that if you swallow chewing gum, it ties up your stomach and kills you, and how it is that the chocolate in the bottom of a Cornetto manages to taste so much nicer than normal chocolate, and why is it that sharpening your pencil is boringboringboring when you’re in the middle of drawing a picture but really satisfying and fun when it means you get to stop doing handwriting practise to do it, and is it true that there was a boy in Year Four who stuck his whole finger into the teachers special electric pencil sharpener on a dare and had the tip of his finger sharpened away to nothing?)

She doesn’t quite have the courage to interrupt- but when Catalina sees her hovering in the doorway, she interrupts herself and stops agreeing with Anne’s Mum that the price of petrol is extortionate nowadays and gives Cathy such a big hug it lifts her right off her feet.

‘Mija!’

She lets herself cling tight for a moment and then lets go- she isn’t a baby after all, although there’s a little bit of her that wishes she was Kitty’s age so she could be picked up and cuddled properly.

‘How are you?’

She nods. ‘I’m ok.’

Anne’s Mum does a bit lipsticky smile like a lady in an advert and asks if she slept well and she nods again. ‘Yes thank you.’

She hopes Catalina has mostly forgotten last night and doesn’t bring it up to Anne’s Mum.

(She knows grown ups can be so sneaky like that sometimes, sharing your secret things with one another and pretending they’re doing it for your own good.)

She especially hopes that Anna won’t say anything- she hasn't yet but you never know, and even though Cathy doesnt think she’d say anything on purpose, she might just by mistake. She can’t even ask Anna to keep quiet because then Anne will hear and want to know what it is that Anna is meant to keep quiet about.

And Anne is terrible with secrets.

Not with keeping them, she’s actually very very good at withstanding all sorts of secret-spilling torture, even Chinese Burns, but with wanting to know other people’s. Once she knows them, she’s always perfectly happy to not tell anyone else, on pain of death- but Cathy still doesn't want to have to explain everything about last night to Anne. She doesn’t want Anne to think that she didn’t enjoy her birthday after all.

Anne’s Mum says that Catalina would be welcome to stay for a cup of coffee- or a Cappuccino or an Afogato even- but that the Photographer will be arriving soon. She says the word like photographer should have a capital letter.

Anne bobs up out of nowhere, licking Nutella from her fingers and asking what photographer and can’t Cathy and Anna stay to play a bit longer.

Anne’s Mum hisses at her not to be silly, of course they can't stay and of course Anne knows who the photographer is, she’s told her all about it.

‘It’s for the birthday photoshoot.’ She adds to Catalina and Catalina nods politely and says it sounds lovely.

‘But it's not my birthday.’

‘Well, it'll be like a second birthday.’ Anne’s Mum’s smile is still there but it’s looking a bit forced now.

Anne seems to perk up a bit at the idea of a second birthday, and Cathy is just wondering if she’ll be allowed to have two birthdays two if this is now a Thing, when Anne pauses.

‘But then Cathy and Anna have to stay or it won't be a proper party!’

Anne’s Mum gives an impatient little sigh. ‘Of course it isn't a proper party! I do wish you'd listen- it's a photoshoot, like I said.’

‘But you just said it was my second birthday!’

‘For goodness sake Anne! I shouldn't have to explain every little thing to you- you’re eight now, you're not a baby!’

Anne scowls.

‘You’re going to say goodbye to Cathy nicely and then go and have a shower so you can be ready…. With any luck, your friend’s parents will be here soon too before the other children get here.’

Cathy wonders if Anne’s Mum has forgotten Anna’s name.

‘But if there are other children anyway, why can't I have Anna and Cathy?’

‘Well it's only fair!’ The smile falters and is hurriedly replaced. ‘They’ve come to the sleepover so we thought it would be nice to spread things around a bit and let your other friends be part of the photoshoot!’

It’s uncomfortable and horrible listening to Anne get scolded: it feels like there is something sad and grey making the air heavier.

Anne’s mum is scowling like she’s really really annoyed and she’s so glad that Catalina is not like Anne’s Mum and doesn't get cross when she asks questions- she knows if she was suddenly told she was having a photoshoot, she’d be asking even more questions than Anne.

Actually, she’s glad Catalina is not like Anne’s Mum, full stop.

‘Which other friends?’

Cathy wonders if maybe Anne has got some other girls from their class coming to play once she and Anna are gone, and it’s not a nice thought, but then Anne’s Mum starts saying names and she doesn’t recognise any of them.

‘-and Ingrid and Patience and Harriet-’

‘But I don't like them!’

‘Of course you do!’

Anne does an experimental single stamp of her foot; it’s like a challenge. ‘I hate them-’

They don’t hear the rest, because at that moment, Anna comes into the hall, looking confused at all the commotion, and Anne’s Mum sighs and seizes Anne by the wrist and tugs her further down the hall.

It’s all a bit awkward. Catalina is asking Anna how she is and if she had a nice time at the sleepover but she can’t listen properly, because really, all she can pay attention to is the cross sound of Anne’s Mum’s voice as she hisses things in Anne’s ear while she Anne squirms and whines and tries to pull away.

When they come back, Anne has stopped arguing.

‘What do we say?’

‘Thank you for coming, Cathy.’

She hates how Anne looks now, all sad and crumpled and flat. It's not at all how you should look on your birthday (or even the day after your birthday) and she has to hang onto Catalina’s hand tightly to stop her stomach from squeezing uncomfortably.

She can only manage a little ‘Thank you for inviting me’ in response, which doesn’t really feel like a good enough response considering it was her first sleepover ever, but Catalina squeezes her hand and then smiles warmly at Anne.

‘I hope you had a lovely birthday, carino. A photoshoot sounds like it will be lots of fun- im sure Cathy will be very excited to hear about it on Monday. I'm certainly interested in hearing about it!’

(She might be annoyed, at any other time, at Catalina calling Anne one of the names that’s really just for her- but she isn’t now. She just wants Anne to go back to looking normal and happy like she usually does.)

Catalina squeezes Cathy's hand again, and bit more firmly this time and she realises she’s meant to add something.

‘It'll be like being a celebrity…’ She’s not sure if she sounds very convincing so she tries harder. ‘You’re so lucky, Anne! Everyone at school will be so jealous!’

Anne’s Mum gives an approving nod and beams at her, and she turns her head so she doesn’t have to see it. Anne gives a very small reluctant smile. She doesn't say anything but she looks a tiny bit more cheerful as she goes up to shower, Anna trailing behind her.

They say another goodbye and thank you to Anne’s Mum and then they’re out onto the pavement.

She’s still holding onto Catalina’s hand but Catalina doesn’t seem to mind, she swings their joined hands between them.

‘So how was the sleepover? Did you have a lovely time mija?’

She nods.

‘What did you do? Did Anne like her present?’

‘She loved it. She said it was her second best favourite present.’

‘What was her first?’

Cathy describes the heelies and Catalina laughs. ‘Thank goodness! I was going to ask if you girls had had a fight, to get those bruises-’

Cathy twists her arm and notices for the first time the purply blue bruises blooming.

‘It’s ok, they don’t hurt. I only fell over a bit. Anne fell over much more but that’s because she was trying to do a jump like the ice skaters on tv.’

‘Well I'm glad she liked her presents so much. Poor little thing.’

(Cathy isn’t sure why Catalina calls Anne poor- everyone at school, even the teachers, know that Anne’s parents have more money than sense. This means they’re rich.)

‘Anna thought my present was really good too. She said her present was really boring next to mine and she’d have to think up something more interesting next time.’

‘What did she get Anne?’

‘Jewelry making set. You can make earrings that you can wear even if you don’t have pierced ears.’ She hopscotches along the paving stones- it doesn’t really work like proper hopscotch though because they’re too close together. ‘Although Anna has her ears pierced already.’

(She’s a tiny bit jealous of Anna’s tiny gold studs- they look very cool. They’re not enough to make her want holes punched in her ears though, even the thought makes her feel a bit sick. Anne thinks she’s silly- she’d LOVE to have her ears pierced.

She’s not allowed though, because ear piercings are one of the few things Anne’s Mum and Jane agree on, albeit for different reasons: Jane thinks Anne is much too young, Anne’s Mum says it’ll make her look common.

Anne doesn’t think she’s too young, and she says that she doesn’t care about looking common because she wants to look cool...but neither Jane nor her Mum will budge.)

‘Did Anne like it?’

‘I think she did. She said that we could all make jewelry for the Inca Princess next time Anna and I came over to play. And then Anna cheered up a bit. I think she was worried Anne wouldn't like her present.’

Cathy doesn't feel like saying that she was also worried Anne wouldn't like her present. It feels funny also to be talking about Anna and not talking about the night before….but hopefully, it maybe means that Catalina has forgotten all about it.

She doesn’t bring it up on the walk home anyway- Catalina listens with great interest to an edited version of the story of the little attic girl, giving very appreciative gasps in all the right places and not interrupting even once to ask silly questions about whether or not the little girl has a swimming pool.

‘That was an excellent story mija.’

‘Really?’ Catalina looks like she means it.

‘Wonderful- very imaginative. Makes me glad we don’t have an attic!’

Cathy giggles. ‘Anne said the little attic girl would come to my attic tonight and I reminded her that we didn’t have one and she said that next time, she was going to make up a story about a little girl who lived in a flat. Anna said it didn’t sound very scary.’

‘I suppose you’ll have to wait to hear it to know if it is or not.’

‘Anna said I should make up another story for next time.’

‘Well, I hope you’ll tell me if you think any more up, I’d love to hear them.’

‘Ok.’ Perhaps she’ll make up a story specially for Catalina- a special grown up story that has grown up things in it, like when they play Soap Opera in the playground and everyone plays that they’re having cancer and babies and cocktails. ‘It might be scary though.’

‘That's ok, mija. You have to let the muses guide you when you’re creating.’

Cathy knows all about the muses already- they’re spirity things that give you ideas and imagination when you’re doing art or writing, they’re what Catalina blames when she’s having trouble phrasing an idea for work.

(Not only are the muses very friendly to Artists of All Kinds, they are actually rather useful when it comes to the resultant mess of artistic endeavour.

Catalina introduced her to the concept on The Muses on her second week, the first time she’d tried painting in her new bedroom and coincidently the first time she’d made any actual serious mess there.

It hadn’t been her fault that the paint had spilled like it did and it hadn’t spilled much, but it had been enough to make her ponder what it would be like to see her godmother Properly Angry.

She hadn’t, until that moment, considered what a Properly Angry Catalina would look like. As she thought about it- and it wasn’t a terribly nice thought- she also realised that whatever form it took, there was nothing she could do about it. There wasn’t anywhere else for her to go.

She wondered if, seeing the paint, Catalina would think about that too. She wondered if it would make her regret having to be the one to take care of her.

She’d never been scared of her godmother, but she was when Catalina saw the paint.

‘Ay dios mio, what IS that?’

She tucked her chin down into her chest. ‘Paint.’ Her voice is very small.

Catalina fanned her face. ‘I thought it was blood, I thought-’ She shakes her head hard, like she’s shaking thoughts away, then touches it and frowns. ‘It’s dried. Why didn’t you tell me before, it would have been easier to- Oh mija, it’s alright, don’t cry-’

She started looking guilty rather than annoyed.

Once Cathy was settled in her lap, scrubbing her sore eyes with a tissue and only hiccuping a little bit, Catalina had very nicely explained that while it was technically Cathy’s fault for spilling the paint, it was also her own fault for not telling Cathy to put down newspaper before she started painting and that maybe having a cream carpet was just asking for it, whatever that meant.

‘So perhaps it all balances out, querida.’

‘Are you really cross?’

‘Do I look really cross, mija?’

She considered. ‘No.’

‘Good, because I’m not. I know it wasn’t on purpose. Let’s just both try to remember the newspaper next time, ok?’

‘Ok.’

‘And we’ll blame the muses for this one.’

Once Catalina had explained about the muses, she’d said that they should probably get on with cleaning it up ‘before someone else sees it and thinks you’ve got a body hidden under your bed.’

She’d still felt a bit wobbly, when she thought about the stain. Catalina had given her a big cuddle and said that a little paint wasn’t the end of the world and that it would probably come right out. It turned out though that Catalina herself wasn’t really sure how to get paint out of carpet, so she’d gotten out her phone to check- ‘There’s no excuse for not finding things out nowadays, mija’- and she’d even let Cathy type the question into google herself.

The paint had come out on the second attempt, and Catalina had made her promise to always tell her right away if anything like that ever happened again.

So everything had worked out alright after all, even if she still hadn’t seen Catalina really, properly angry yet.)

Going back to the flat feels funny because it feels like coming home but everything also looks a little bit different- Catalina reassures her that it’s just how things feel sometimes after a trip.

‘It’ll go away mija’

Cathay still cant help looking around though. ‘Why are the books different?’

‘What’s that?’

Cathy points at the bookshelf- the spines are different colours.

‘Just felt like it was time for a little shuffle around, it makes me remember which books I haven’t looked at for a while.’

This makes sense.

It’s the middle of the morning: Catalina has a mug of the dark, rich coffee that she buys in little paper sacks from the special food shop in town. Cathy likes the smell but not the taste, although she hopes that will change when she grows up because coffee seems to be all that grownups drink. Coffee and wine, except she isn’t sure if she likes wine yet- Catalina lets her sip at her coffee when she asks but she hasn’t yet given in over Cathy’s requests to be allowed a taste of her merlot.

(‘Maybe when you’re nine or ten, mija. I just don’t dare any earlier, the harpies would tear me to pieces.’

Harpies is what Catalina calls the other mums at school; Cathy isn’t allowed to tell anyone that though, even Anne, on pain of every unpleasant torture, mi vida.

‘A glass?’

‘A sip. A very little sip. And not until you’re older, like I said.’

‘I could just not tell anyone.’

Cathy is quite good at not telling people things, she’s good at keeping secrets- which is why she doesn’t even give Catalina a list of some of her best, most well kept secrets to prove it- like how Anne spilt blue nail polish on the carpet in Mary’s bedroom and blamed it on Kitty even though it wasn’t exactly a lie because Kitty had been playing with it too and it really could just as easily been her and honestly, it would have been fairer, all things considered, for Kitty to be the one to spill it, considering she’s only little.

Catalina is shaking her head.

‘But I’m very good at keeping secrets!’

‘I know, mija-’

‘I didn’t tell my teacher that you did the last sum for me on my homework.’

Catalins gives her a stern look. ‘Good because as I recall, that was a deal we made so that you would go to bed and stop worrying about it.’

‘And I didn’t tell her. So you could let me try and I wouldn’t tell anyone.’

‘But wouldn’t it be a bit pointless if you couldn’t tell anyone? Wouldn’t you want to tell Anne?’

This is true- it’s actually a bit pointless if she can’t even tell Anne, although Anne surely doesn’t count as anyone- but she doesn’t want to weaken her position so she shakes her head steadfastly, and Catalina laughs and says she’ll be a wonderful lawyer when she’s older and gives her a kiss on the top of her head rather than a sip of wine.)

They have fancy twisty pastries with apricot jam and Cathy has a mug of warm frothy milk with a tiny bit of coffee in it, a pinch of cinnamon and a sprinkling of brown sugar. It doesn't matter that it’s not real coffee- it's much nicer than coffee anyway.

The coffee milk in the special china cup with her name on it, even though she’s already had one breakfast because Catalina had said she hadn’t eaten yet and did she think she could manage elevenses even if it wasn’t quite eleven?

She thought she probably could, having not finished her pancake and she was right. The apricot pastries are delicious; she thinks it’s what sunshine would taste like sunshine was spreadable. Catalina says that’s the best description of apricot jam she has ever heard.

She’s reading one of her library books- the last time Catalina had visited her, back when her parents were alive, she’d brought one of the series with her and read it aloud while they were waiting for lunch to be ready and she’d quite liked it, but now reading it for herself, she doesn’t recognise all the characters.

Catalina had read her a story about Juliana and Diane and George (who was really Georgina) and Anne and Timmy the Cat, who were cousins and had adventures on an island- but when she tries to read it for herself, the names are different and the children are different and it’s a dog not a cat, who keeps on licking everything and barking and it’s just not as good as before.

(She has no idea why the children decided to swap lovely clever Timmy the Cat for a horrible barky, licky, bitey dog. She thinks it was a bad decision.)

She wonders if maybe she picked out something different.

Catalina has a big thick book that looks dusty.

‘What are you reading?’

‘Mmm?’ Catalina looks up and then nods as if she’s had to replay it in her head. ‘Oh!’ She says something in Spanish and then adds ‘But it’s called something else in English, of course.’

‘What’s it about?’

‘A little boy called Pip and all his adventures.’

‘What sort of adventures?’ She’s wondering if it will turn out that they’re the sort of adventures the children are having in her book and Catalina smiles.

‘No island, mija, you’d be disappointed. He meets an escaped prisoner out late one night and he helps him to cut off his chains and run away. And later he goes to a big old beautiful house, which has a room all ready for a wedding that never happened.’

‘That’s strange. If it never happened, then it’s not anything, so how can she have a room for it?’

‘They had everything ready but the groom didn’t turn up so the lady sits in her wedding dress next to her old cobwebby wedding cake all covered in dust and thinks about how sad she is.’

‘Oh.’ That sounds spooky but also interesting- she thinks maybe there’ll be an old cobwebby cake in her next scary story because for some reason, the idea of something that’s meant to be so happy being all forgotten and abandoned makes her feel shivery and she’s sure Anne and Anna will feel just the same way. Then she thinks of something else.

‘Why was he out at night at all? Not the prisoner but the little boy.’

Catalina looks uncomfortable for some reason. ‘I think he was just playing.’

‘But weren’t his parents worried about him?’

There’s a little pause and then Catalina says ‘He didn’t have any parents, querida.’

‘Oh. How old was he?’ Maybe the boy is nearly grown up, like in Secondary School.

‘Seven.’

She isn’t quite sure how she feels about that but she doesn’t feel like asking any more questions so there’s a little silence before Catalina says that she’s just finished the chapter.

‘I think I need a little break from reading.’ She puts her book down on the floor, face down. ‘Want to come and keep me company, mija?’

Cathy nods slowly and puts down her own book, except she uses a bookmark because she knows that’s the proper way to treat a book.

(Catalina is hopeless with bookmarks and always refuses Cathy’s offers to lend her one.

‘I’d lose it in a moment mija, and then I would have so much guilt! But thank you, all the same.’

Cathy has big plans for when her class starts their textiles projects, in which Catalina’s poorly treated books AND her sad, bookmarkless state, feature quite heavily. But she’s keeping this a surprise.)

She hasn’t finished her own chapter but she doesn’t like the way that these strange new characters keep telling George she isn’t allowed to do things because she’s a girl. She supposes it’s nice that Anne is allowed to cook- cooking on a real fire outside sounds very exciting- but she wonders if she ever gets tired of it.

‘It’s not the same as when you read it. They’re really horrible to George. And they don’t even have a cat anymore.’

She climbs up onto Catalina’s lap and Catalina wraps her arms around her.

‘I might have….changed some bits when I was reading it to you. I thought it would make the story better.’

‘It DID make the story better. Now it’s boring.’

Catalina considers. ‘I could try reading it to you my way if you like, querida.’

‘That’s ok. I think I’m going to take a break from reading too.’

‘Ok.’

Catalina cuddles her closer and for a while they just sit like that. She thinks about the little boy meeting the prisoner out at night, with no one to worry about him, but it’s not too bad to think about when she’s got Catalina’s cardigan tickling her cheek and Catalina’s chin resting on the top of her head.

Maybe she’ll include a prisoner in her next story too. Maybe he could even team up with the little attic girl and they could go around scaring people and sewing up mouths together.

‘Did he have a godmother?’

‘Who?’

‘Pip. Oh- no, he didn’t. He had an older sister, he lived with her instead.’

‘Like Anne and Mary.’

‘Anne still has her parents, mija, you know that.’ But Catalina doesn’t sound so very certain when she says it.

There’s a little pause, and then Catalina quietly asks if she’d like to talk.

‘About what?’

‘About last night mija.’

‘What about last night?’

She's being deliberately annoying but she can't help it because maybe if she carries on, Catalina will change her mind and they won’t have to talk about anything.

She wouldn't even mind Catalina getting really cross (she doesn’t think), whatever really cross is for Catalina (because she still isn’t sure), but she doesn’t, just puts her book down and takes another sip of naslty bitter black coffee.

‘About the phone call we had.’ She pauses. ‘There's no need to look so worried querida- I promise you're not in trouble, I'm not going to tell you off- and we don't have to talk now if you really would rather not. It’s just that last night, we talked a bit about some of the things you were worried about. And about your mum and dad. I think it would be a good idea to talk about some of those things properly- not because i think it will fix them but….maybe it will make them a bit more ordinary to talk about them. And perhaps less scary. I don't know.’

She actually sounds a bit anxious, much less self assured than usual. Usually, Catalina talks like she knows exactly what she’s saying and why. Now she keeps stopping and starting, like she’s worried she’ll say something wrong.

‘I want you to feel like you can tell me anything- that there isn't anything you have to keep secret unless you want to. And you can always always talk to me. About anything you want. Ok?’

She nods. She wonders if Catalina really means anything- anything.

‘Good, bad, sad, happy, whatever. And you can ask me anything, I don't want you to ever feel like you can't ask a question.’

Cathy thinks. ‘What if you can't tell me? What if it’s secret?’

Catalina smiles. ‘Then I will explain to you why I can’t tell you. But I won't be cross with you for asking, that’s the important thing. And I will always try to answer, if I can, alright?’

She nods again. ‘Will you tell the truth?’

‘Yes. It doesn't seem fair to ask you to be honest if I won’t be honest myself. And we do need to be honest with each other, mija. It's the only way.’

‘The only way for what?’

‘The only way to….keep our family going. Going smoothly, I mean. We’ll be a family whatever happens, of course, smooth or not.’

‘Are we a family?’ It’s a surprise to her- she’d sort of assumed that wasn't a word that applied to her any more, like Mother and Father and Parents.

‘Yes i think so.’ Catalina looks serious. ‘You and your Mum and Dad are still a family, of course. But you and I are a family too. At least I like to think we are. If that's ok with you of course.’

Cathy thinks about it. ‘If we’re a family, does that mean I have to call you Mum?’

Catalina looks shocked. ;Oh no! No, definitely not querida, I promise I'd never want to try and take your Mum’s name or place. I never at all meant that. I'm still your godmother- your Mum will always be your Mum. Not all families have a Mum and a Dad.’

‘Like in the story about Tango the Penguin.’ It’s a book she had when she was very little, but she can still remember the story.

‘Exactly.’ Actually, she thinks maybe Catalina sent her the book in the first place.

She could ask more questions about it- some that she’s mildly curious about, and some that she could probably make up if she felt like making this bit of the conversation stretch out longer...but she decides not too because Catalina is looking all anxious now and it's making her feel a bit guilty.

It’s alright- the thought of her and Catalina being a family is ok. She’d rather have Catalina for her family than anyone else, if she can't have mum and dad and she knows that she can't.

She wriggles into a more comfortable position in Catalina’s lap.

‘Ok. We can be a family.’

‘Good.’ Catalina smiles like she’s really relieved. ‘Good.’

After a while, she says, ‘There’s something I thought you might like to look at mija. I’ve been meaning to for a while and then last night, I thought of it.’

She stiffens slightly. She isn’t sure how she feels thinking about last night- one minute, the scary feeling seems very far away and all she can think about is stupid things like how babyish she must have sounded crying into the phone, and then the next, she can remember it very very well and it makes her feel shaky and sick, like she’s standing somewhere high and looking down.

She buries her face into Catalina’s cardigan and then has to come back out because the fluff is making her sneeze and Catalina laughs and slides her gently off her lap and says she’ll be back in a moment.

She wraps both arms around her tummy, hugging herself and wondering what The Thing will be.

When Catalina comes back in, she’s holding an old shoebox.

#six #six the musical #six the musical fanfiction #six fanfiction #six fic

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uzuitengensfourthwife · 4 years

Text

Again. (Chrollo x Reader)

A scenario in which you forgive him... again.

warnings: none really, its just a tiny tiny bit angst

word count: 2848

authors note: well... idk.. I felt kinda okay writing this? Still Im sorry if its sloppy or shitty to you

He was gone for a year now, a whole damn year without telling anyone, not even you. One day he was calling you and not letting go of you and the next day he is gone. He left without leaving any trace, it was like he has never existed. Even when you tried to contact the authorities, he seemed to not exist. At first, you cried and sobbed and didn’t move an inch. In fact, you were a depressed little piece of shit, for a total of 3 long months. But after some time, your sadness turned into anger and therefore you promised to beat the crap out of him once he turns up in front of your door again. You wanted to make sure, that once he enters this very apartment, that a fucking shoe would hit his face. No roses, no necklaces and no chocolates could make up for his disappearance and you had to make sure not to fall for his lovey-dovey talk about how sorry he was. This time, oh this time his little game wouldn’t work on you.

And you had to admit, you weren’t really sure when he would appear again, but you were already mentally preparing yourself to yell at him.

And yet, at the same time your thoughts showed that no matter what would happen, you missed him a lot. Gosh, you weren’t even sure if you were able to keep up that act once he’s in front of you. Will you be able to be mad at him? Or will you cry like a child, that has been deprived of their lollies? You weren’t sure, in fact everything could happen.

Then suddenly, your doorbell rang. You turned around, a bit confused, you had to say. It was late after all, probably 11 PM and you were sitting here and working still. For a short moment, you hoped that it would be your lover, however there was no certain prove that would support your assumption. You assumed that it would be one of your neighbours, so you answered quickly. ,,Coming!’’

You got up hastily, making your way to the door, just to unlock it with your keys and then opening it. But once you finally looked at who was standing in front of you, you couldn’t bring out a word. You were standing there, in a trance. Here he was. He was back. Finally, he was back.

,,Darling.’’ The man in front of you greeted, a bouquet of flowers in his right hand and a little box in the other. He spread his arms a bit more just to gesture that he was waiting for a hug. But you didn’t move, not even an inch. ,,Chrollo…’’ you whispered, your voice so quiet and shaky, probably from the shock, the sudden surprise. The sight suddenly seemed to get blurry, indicating your eyes that started to get all wet and watery. ,,No need to cry darling, I’m back.’’ A smile appeared on his face as he stepped closer, still holding the flowers and the little present.

But your sudden sadness then turned into anger. He DARED to show up in THE MIDDLE of the night, just like that. You were about to lose it. In fact, you were about to punch him right on his nose, because that’s what he deserves. Punches and pain. ,,You..’’ you hissed, stepping closer and pointing at him with your finger. His expression changed in no time and confusion was plastered all over his face. ,,You left me, without telling me. You left no traces, you disappeared. YOU made me feel like shit. Do you REALLY think that flowers and some necklace you stole are going to make up for it? Go to fucking hell.’’

After this little threatening speech of yours, it should’ve made him feel guilty, it was supposed to scare him off. To make him cry. To make him SEE what HE did wrong.

But all you got as a reaction was him laughing at you like you’ve just told some funny joke. He didn’t take you seriously. God, he never did.

So you frowned, you really wanted to scold him again, however he seemed to be faster. ,, Darling,’’ He said, slowly leaning forward, an amused expression on his face. ,,Yes, I didn’t tell you and yes I did disappear, however I have missed you a lot.’’ He smiled oh so dearly, as he then fully stepped into your apartment, giving you the flowers and the little present.

,,I wasn’t finished-‘’ you started, but he ignored you as he examined your apartment, looking for any changes. Seriously, he was unbearable. ,,You didn’t change much here, still into the same stuff.’’ He stated, without even looking at you, he was still busy with strolling through your apartment. As if there was some kind of hidden treasure in your apartment.

,,Are you still keeping my books?’’ he then asked as he opened a few of your drawers to see if his collection of books were inside of them and god did you want to slap him for leaving such a mess after only returning. He had no respect for you, no that wasn’t it, he just loved to see you all riled up, he found it quite attractive. ,,Quit acting stupid Chrollo, you know where they are.’’ You said through gritted teeth, trying not to give him the satisfaction of your angered behaviour. Gosh did you hate him at some point.

,,Excellent.’’ He exclaimed with a subtle smile, as he then slowly opened the cupboard right next to the TV. His smile only grew bigger as he then quickly grabbed one of the new books you have gotten him last year, but he never got to read them, since he then suddenly disappeared. ,,I couldn’t wait to finally read all of them.’’ - ,,If you would’ve stayed-‘’ you started, only then to get shushed by him, as he stepped awfully close to you. He looked down at you, his smile faded. ,,Darling, I was working and you know how important my work is.’’ Scoffing, you turned away your head, as you answered. ,,You’re a criminal Chrollo. Instead of stealing you could do better things, you could do stuff that is less illegal. For instance, teaching literature.’’

,,Dearest,’’ you glanced at him, not sure what he was about to say. ,,You’re just mad that I’ve been gone for so long. I promise, I’ll tell you next time.’’ He then brushed a strand of your hair behind your ear, softly smiling at you. God, he really was giving you a hard time to be mad at him. But at some point, even you got tired of his promises, of his so called ‘great’ promises, that were nothing but empty promises in the end. The more you tried to believe him, the harder it actually got. You sighed, as you then stepped away, leaving some space between the two of you. ,,That’s exactly the problem. Your empty promises.’’

There was silence, no one talked.

Chrollo was usually a man that respected you and your intentions, he tried to understand you. But this time you could see in his face, that he did not understand you. In fact, you weren’t really able to guess what was going on in his mind, no emotion leaked through his shell. Suddenly, fear hit you. What if he’ll get mad, although you were pretty sure it wouldn’t happen, after all Chrollo never got mad. Not even at you. ,,If my promises were empty, I wouldn’t be right here in front of you.’’ Every other girl would’ve forgotten the fight after his sweet words, but you understood what he really was trying to say. He could drop you at any time, once he’s bored, he could disappear, nothing was really holding him back. Therefore you wouldn’t even know if he’d return after some time or not, you would live in constant fear.

You gulped down your fear and looked at him only to see that his back was facing you, he was looking at a picture of your family. ,,The necklace,’’ he then said, his voice sweet again. ,,You should try it on.’’ You really didn’t want to give in, you were supposed to still be mad at him. Yell at him and throw things at him, just… just were was your anger? What was wrong with you? He did this all the time, was your anger not enough to withstand him? No, IT HAD to be enough. He’s been doing this for five long years now, you really should be able to tell him off.

,,I’ve told you. A stolen necklace won’t make up for it.’’ He turned around, raising an eyebrow at you. You were already preparing yourself to sound as mad as possible, when he suddenly stepped closer and opened his arms. ,,Is a hug what you want? You could’ve just asked dearest.’’ But you weren’t moving. He really made things hard for you. Yes, you did want to hug him at some point since you’ve missed him a lot, but he was giving in way too easily.

After some time, in which you didn’t move, he embraced you in a tight hug, his chin resting on top of your head. The warmth he gave off was soothing, making you feel safe. You didn’t realize how much you’ve missed him until now. ,,Don’t cry darling.’’ He suddenly whispered in your ear, his arms tightening around you, his lips on your forehead. You slowly touched your face and then realized that he wasn’t joking. You were crying in his arms. Pathetic, you thought. You should’ve been mad at him; you should’ve kicked him out. But here you were, crying in his arms for god knows what reason.

The two of you stayed in this position for a while, when he suddenly let go of you, making you look up to him. His eyes were fixed on you, a sweet and kind smile on his lips as he then softly kissed your wet cheeks. ,,Even while crying, you don’t fail to look amazingly beautiful.’’ No no no no, he was doing it again. Complimenting you until you’d apologize for yelling at him, for even doubting his actions. ,,Stop…stop it,’’ You demanded, backing off a bit. ,,You’re always doing this after you come back. You’re always sending me on a guilt trip, when it actually is your fault, not mine.’’ It was hard to read him, but you did realize that he now understood. This time, fooling you was no option.

He sighed and slumped onto a chair that was standing right next to your dining table. ,,Darling,’’ he started as he slowly leaned back. ,,Let’s talk this out tomorrow. I am quite tired, and I bet you are too after all you’ve been working all day.’’ You shook your head, as you then replied. ,, No, let’s talk this out now.’’.

He didn’t answer for a while, he just watched you and tried to see if you wouldn’t change your mind and go to bed with him like a normal couple would. You were sure that he hoped you would change your mind, so you would eventually forget that you were mad at him to begin with.

And of course you didn’t, you had to talk to him, you had to tell him how you’ve felt over these past few years in which he has appeared and disappeared. You just had to fight against the feeling that told you to stop fighting him, you had to be strong in order to achieve at least a tiny bit of change. ,,Okay then. What is it you want to talk about, darling?’’ he probed, sitting up straight and crossing his arms in front of his chest. You took a deep breath as you then began to explain. ,,You hurt me a lot,’’ shortly, you stopped, waiting for a reaction. However, you continued after a few seconds of silence. ,,You always had me crying when you just disappeared without even leaving a message. And then after months, you just appear again, acting like you’ve never even been gone in the first place.’’ You saw him nodding, showing you that he tried to understand the situation from your point of view. He tried, that didn’t mean he really did understand.

He didn’t answer you for a good while, and in the time, he just observed you in silence, you felt your anxiety giving you a hard time again. It wasn’t like you feared him or anything, it was more of… him having you under complete control. You loved him a lot, and yet you didn’t want him to leave you, despite the little time you have actually spent with him, it felt like you have made the best memories with him, the most valuable. From all the guys you have dated before, it felt like he was the one, you saw yourself with him growing older. Yes, you saw yourself marrying this man, so you thought this was why you couldn’t let go. But still, his unannounced disappearances were still unacceptable.

,,My job brings it’s prices. Unfortunately, this is one of them. I am trying to be with you as often as I can. And for making you cry… that I am sorry for my dear.’’ What was this feeling you felt just now? Sadness, guilt? You were pretty sure it was guilt. The way his eyes were fixed on you, with a saddening shine in them, made your heart ache. All the anger, all the doubt you have felt throughout this whole time have now turned into guilt. You felt bad for doubting him, for being mean to him, even for talking back.

,,Chrollo…’’ you sniffed, letting your feelings take over you. ,,Im sorry… I…I wasn’t thinking.’’ Your eyes were getting watery again, you hated yourself, but you couldn’t hate Chrollo. No matter how hard you tried, you just couldn’t hate him. Gosh, you were such a mess, your feelings were all over the place, you weren’t even sure what you were really feeling right now. In the beginning, you were to make sure that you yelled at him, but over time your feelings for him took over. Even with all the anger that was stored inside of you, your feelings for him were just so much more stronger. No, he was smart enough to make you feel like that.

,,No tears darling, it’s fine.’’ he whispered, as he approached you and took your hand. You didn’t dare to face him, after the mess you’ve caused, you just felt horrible. ,,You’re tired, lets get you to bed dearest, how does that sound?’’ You nodded as a response, still not having the courage to look him in the eye.

But it didn’t bother him, in fact he has done it again. He had made you give in again. So without exchanging any more words, the both of you got ready for bed. When you were already sitting in bed, he was still in the living room, looking for a new book to read. He seemed content with what he has achieved once more. After all he was able to make you forgive him again.

But you on the other hand already started to regret everything. It was always the same. You always prepared yourself to yell at him, you always were angry when he came home, and yet, once he stood in front of you, you couldn’t resist him anymore. It didn’t really matter how mad you were at him, nor did it matter how much you would doubt him, in the end you would always be the one apologizing and begging for forgiveness. Fights with him were always one sided, he never really talked back, but in the end he always won. No matter how hard you tried.

You sighed, you were really tired. Maybe he was right, maybe you were just too tired to think straight. Jus the fact that you were still working at 11PM showed that you were overworking yourself.

,,You’re still awake darling?’’ you heard him ask, once he entered your bedroom again. You just nodded; you didn’t really have much to say to him anymore. All the bad assumptions and insults about him have left your mind all at once, after you apologized to him. Now, it was him who sighed. He sat down next to you with a book in his hand, he leaned closer. ,,You must’ve been up since 6 am, right? You really deserve to get some rest darling.’’ A smile appeared on his face, as he then softly pecked your lips. His lips were as soft as you remembered them to be. ,,Alright..’’ you whispered tiredly, he was right after all, you were up for too long. His lips then touched your forehead as he whispered a quiet ,goodnight darling’.

And with you let yourself drift to sleep.

Another night in which you let yourself get guilt tripped, oh how you hated yourself.

#chrollo #chrollo lucilfer #hxh imagines #hxh #hxh chrollo #hunter x hunter #x reader #chrollo x reader

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bitchmilsky · 5 years

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nice view (ray manchester x reader)

a/n: ITS WHAT YOUVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!! (or not) ANYway, here's the ray x reader that i said i would publish tonight and guess what its still tonight. ALSO IMPORTANT NOTE I DIDN'T GIVE THE READER ANY PRONOUNS SO YALL CAN DO YOUR THING AND CRUSH ON RAY

SUMMARY: harmless flirting between friends leads to a whole lot more in this 1141 word mess masterpiece. ray is an ass man. (plus bonus hensper!!) enjoy!

(im on mobile rn, ill add a cut when i get the chance but for now yall have to deal with it)

"Hey Ray, where should I put these books?" I asked my boss, carrying a stack of books higher than my head into Junk 'n Stuff.

"Are you sure that's a safe amount of books to carry at once?" he asked me, (probably) looking up.

"Since when are you the reasonable one?" I shot back.

"... good point. Put 'em in the corner over there," he said, (probably) pointing.

"Over where? I can't see, dude," I told him, starting to lose my balance.

"Uhhh, forward and to the left." I went forward, turned to the left, and- *CRASH* The books fell over, taking me with them.

"OW! What the hell, man?" I yelled.

"Other left," he said, nonchalantly.

"You mean the RIGHT?" I snapped.

"Don't sass me," he replied.

"Whatever. Can you come over here and help me restack these? I can't lift 12 unstacked books," I told him, kneeling to pick up the fallen books.

"I dunno, I kinda like the view I have right here. You should wear those bottoms more, (Y/N)," he said. I stood up and glared at him. "Jeez, if looks could kill."

"Well then, it's a good thing you're indestructible. Can you just help me?" I didn't mind the comment from Ray. We "flirted" back and forth all the time, it was our thing. Besides, I knew that if it truly made me uncomfortable, he would stop as soon as I asked him to. No, what pissed me off was the fact that he wouldn't come and pick up these books. "It'll take like 2 minutes." I crossed my arms and gave him a look that meant business.

"Ughhhhhhhh, fine. You're so BORING," he whined, making his way over to where I was.

"Yeah and you're cute, let's not state the obvious." I pushed a few books into his hands and squatted back down to grab some more.

"Ooooh, the view's even better from here."

"I'm squatting, what about this is better than whatever you had over there?"

"It's closer. Plus, I can do this." Suddenly, I felt strong arms under my own, and I was lifted into the air. "Simba..."

"RAY PUT ME DOWN I SWEAR I'M GONNA-"

"Gonna what? Kick me? You know I'm indestructible," he teased.

"Yeah, but you're still a guy," I said, and kicked him right in the groin. In his pain, he set me down rather quickly before falling over.

"I'm oka- nope gimme a minute," he said, weakly.

"Better luck next time, Sailor." I saluted him and walked back out of the store to bring in some more junk. And stuff.

~~~ 30 minutes later ~~~

"Wait, what did you mean by 'Sailor'?" Ray asked me.

"Well, you're clearly not good enough to be a captain, so you're a sailor. You're Sailor Man," I told him.

"Thanks, I hate it," he retorted. He opened the door for me as I was carrying a big box.

"Thank you, my good sir," I said in a mock accent. I made my way to the back room slowly, trying my best not to trip again."Can you get the elevator for me? Hands are full," I asked Ray.

"I dunno, caaaaaaan I?" he teased.

"I've been out of school for 8 years now and I never want to hear those words again, so shut up," I said.

"Oooh, look at me, I'm (y/n), I'm super pretty and have a great butt and also I went to college," he mocked.

"Yeah okay whatever dude, I'm gonna take this," I said, gesturing with the box, "downstairs." I again started to make my way towards the back while Ray made his way past me and got there before I could. I hoisted the box a little higher so it wouldn't slip, and after traversing the mess that was Junk n' Stuff, reached the back room.

"Hey there. Glad you could make it." I saw Ray leaning on the elevator door, looking at me.

"Hey. Can you hit the button for me?"

"Weeeeell, I suppose I could..." he teased.

"Cool. Do that," I said, almost dropping this box of who knows what.

"I dunno..." he said, his voice a little sultry

"Listen, this box is heavy, and I kinda really need you to just open the elevator. Please?" I beg.

"Oh, you NEED me to, huh?" he asked, his voice getting more seductive.

"Yes, I need you to." Giving up, I set down the box

"Oh yeah? What if I... don't?" he asked. His voice had gone from somewhat flirtatious to straight up sexy, and I wasn't sure if it was him or me.

"Well then... I.. uhhhh..." I didn't have an answer. I just looked at him, and he at me. We stood like that, gazing into each other's eyes for a good minute, slowly inching closer to one another. And as though I'd had the yearning for years, I closed the gap. His lips were soft against mine, and they tasted like strawberries. A tingly feeling washed over me as I deepened the kiss. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled away for a second, before crashing his lips back onto mine. We stayed here for what felt like hours, in a timeless trance where the only things that mattered were me and him, but eventually we broke apart.

"That was..."

"Wow," he said.

"Magical..." I was in awe. I never thought I would do that, and I definitely never thought it would be that... wonderful.

"It's a good thing I'm indestructible because I think my heart just stopped."

I stepped forward and pulled him into a hug, putting my chin on his shoulder.

"I guess... I didn't realize how badly I wanted that," I confessed.

"Me neither. Hey, whaddya say we take this downstairs?" he asked.

"W-what?" I broke away from his arms, my face burning bright red.

"T-THE BOX! I MEANT THE BOX!" he yelled, turning pink.

"Oh. Right. Sorry," I said. I leaned up and kissed his cheek. "Let's go." I grabbed the box and he pressed the elevator button. I walked inside.

"Still love that view."

"I know."

Bonus:

"I think that's the last of it," I announced, placing the final box on a table. I walked over to the counter where Ray was.

"Mmm, good job," he said. He leaned over the counter, planting a kiss on my lips. I leaned into it, and then heard the door open.

"Hey, if you two can kiss at work then so can me and Jasper!" Henry yelled. Ray pulled away from me.

"No, that's gross. Kissing's gross," he said, like the child he is. Henry gave him a look. Ray looked from Henry to Jasper to me back to Henry.

"Please?" Henry asked. Ray sighed.

"FINE, fine. You two have your fun." Henry and Jasper headed towards the elevator. "BUT NOT TOO MUCH FUN!"

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uno-reverse-fic · 4 years

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Chapter 15

Lunch had come and gone quickly, and you didn't get a chance to eat because Iida and Ochaco stuck to Izuku like glue. Though even if you did get the opportunity to eat you probably would have refused it. And so here you were, sitting in Izuku's desk, starving and utterly bored. Everything was going fine until you heard two words slip out of your teacher's mouth.

"fight training." You were not going to let Izuku leave you in his backpack all afternoon, like Katsuki had done. As the room cleared out Midoriya slid his hand in his desk and twisted his fingers lightly around you. He placed you on top of the desk, sliding a few books to the corner to shield you from view in case anyone came into the classroom.

"I'm coming with you. Whether you like it or not." You told him with the most stubborn and intimidating look could muster.

"But it's dangerous! You could get killed!" He said, trying not to sound to pessimistic.

"I'll stay in the locker room then. You can leave me with your stuff."

"I-I dont know..."

"Izuku, I am not allowing you to leave me here alone. Im coming with you, even if it means I have to stay in a sweaty disgusting boys locker room. No offense."

"Fine... but you have to do as I say, for safety reasons, okay?"

"Okay." He slid you back into his blazer pocket and ran to catch up with the rest of the group. The boys locker room was set up similar to the girls, with one large room and two smaller rooms off to the side, which were also lined with lockers and contained benches. Lucky for you the only doors were to the bathroom and the outside, which gave you plenty of room to do some exploration in your downtime. Midoriya went off to the smaller room to the right and picked a top locker in the corner. He took off his blazer and placed it inside before closing the locker. You climbed out of the pocket, only to be met with an echoing sound.

"Oi Deku! What are you doing here?!"

"Oh uh sorry Kacchan" you heard the green-haired boy reply before opening the locker and grabbing his blazer, accidentally leaving you. He closed the locker halfway before leaving and heading towards the left room. You were left behind again, this ordinarily would have angered you beyond belief, but there was a certain firecracker who just so happened to choose the locker directly next to the one you were in. And what made matters worse was that the locker was completely empty, leaving you in clear eye-shot of Bakugo, and leaving him in clear eye-shot of you. He slid off his shirt and set off those common teen girl hormones in your brain, making you turn a bright shade of red. You curled up in the corner of the locker and pulled your t-shirt over your face. You were blushing so hard you could feel it, and the fact that it was over Katsuki, the one person you hated most at the moment, made everything worse. He finally pulled on his hero-costume top, as well as his grenade-gauntlets, and left. Soon after Midoriya frantically burst into the room and opened the locker he had accidentally left you in.

"I-I'm so sorry. I thought you were still in my blazer pocket... is everything ok?"

"Y-yea..." you stuttered awkwardly. You looked up at him with your already flushed face, and the teen hormones kicked in again.

"Are you blushing?"

"Yup. I'll give you one guess why,"

"Lets see... teenage girl in a teenage boy locker room..." he looked at you with an 'are you serious' expression, before he scooped you up again and placed you on the ground next to the rest of his stuff.

"I'll be back soon." He said before standing up and walking away. And thats when you made one of the stupidest decisions you have ever made. You crept to the wall and peered around it to see if anyone was there, and just as you had hoped everyone had left. You started walking around a bit, but it took you quite a long time to get to the other side of the main room. Despite there being lockers, only Tenya used them, so there were clothes all over the locker room floor in piles to designate who's is who's. You sat down on top of a blazer to take a bit of a break, and thats when things went downhill even more. You heard shouting outside the door, you whipped your head towards it only to see Bakugo burst through it. In a panic you quickly dove into one of the blazer pockets in hope that you could stay out of his view as he stormed in your direction. And to your horror you felt the blazer being lifted into the air.

"I'm going to kill all of those idiots one of these days..." you heard him growl. He walked into the right room and laid the blazer down on the ground next to the lockers, a perfect place for you to hide under so you could sneak back to Izuku's bag. You slipped out of the pocket and kept low to the ground, you quickly darted under the lockers and pressed yourself as close to the wall as possible. You caught your breath for a minute before turning to run to safety. You went as fast as your legs could carry you and with your absolutely horrible luck you kicked a pencil and stubbed your toe. The pencil went farther than you expected and made a louder sound than you hoped for.

"What the-" Katsuki's head darted quickly in the direction of the noise and to your dismay he started walking over to investigate. You ran for cover behind one of the legs of a locker and tried your best to hold back a scream of agony from the pain in your foot. He knelt down and peered under the lockers, and you mentally cursed as he reached his hand under to see if he could feel anything. Your heart felt like it was about to burst out of your chest at any given minute, you were so close to being caught.

"Nothing. I'm starting to hallucinate aren't I?" He pulled away and sat down on the bench.

"Why... why did I have to do that. Why did she have to look at me like that. She's probably dead somewhere and its all my fault." Before he could continue the rest of the 1-A guys burst into the locker room.

"Bakubro! Is everything good?"

"Yea just shut up dumb hair." You snuck back over to Midoriya's bag after Bakugo left. Izuku walked in and rushed over to you, taking off his gloves and gently scooping you up in his hands. He placed you in a locker before changing. He pulled the locker open again and looked at you with concern.

"Was everything ok while I was gone? Kacchan god mad and stormed off back here did he see you?" he said as he placed you into his open palm.

"I'm fine, he had no idea I was here." That wasn't exactly completely true, but you didn't want Midoriya to worry too much. He slipped you back into his blazer pocket and the rest of the day carried on. Before dinner Izuku was watching TV and talking with Todoroki, Iida, Ochaco, Tsuyu, Momo, and the Bakusquad. The news report from the other day came on and everyone froze.

"Hey wasn't that the guy we were fighting the other day?" Ochaco asked.

"The one who used his quirk on Deru? Yea thats him." Momo chimed in.

"So thats the guy. He looks edgy." Mina commented. Then the quirk explanation came on and the atmosphere of the entire conversation stiffened. The woman spoke,

"His quirk gives him the ability to manipulate the size of anything he touches, however the effect doesn't sink in for about 24 hours, after something has been affected by his quirk it will stay like that until he removes the effect himself."

"Holy crap... I was right to check in the drawer wasn't I?!" Kaminari screeched. He looked Bakugo dead in the eyes and then began a mad dash to his dorm room. Bakugo leapt over the couch and sprinted towards the staircase with Kaminari, and Mina right behind him, followed by everyone else. You curled up in Izuku's sweatshirt pocket, slightly scared of what was to come. Everyone piled into the room, by the time Izuku had gotten there Ashido, Denki, and Sero were tearing the place apart. Iida and Kirishima had to physically restrain Bakugo to keep him from attacking them, and Ochaco had to get the meme trio to stop destroying Katsuki's dorm. When everyone finally calmed down Mina and Kirishima began explaining everything that they had seen, from you first getting sick right up until now.

"So we immediately assumed that Deru is somewhere in this room." Kaminari said.

"Well your wrong. I told you already that I saw her go pack some stuff up and leave." Katsuki spat.

"Well lets call her then." Mina said, pulling out her phone which rang but then went to voicemail.

"Hello you've reached the voicemail of Surō Deru. She is either busy or doesn't want to talk to you, please don't leave a message at the beep *BEEP*"

"She didn't answer. Time to go look through her room!" Kaminari said. As the group traveled towards your dorm room Iida lectured them on the fact that they shouldn't go snooping through someone else's things. Kirishima opened the door to your room and a slight feeling of sadness fell over you as the smell of your room surrounded you. The light switch was turned on, Kirshima and Mina both locked eyes onto two things, your phone, and your crocs.

"She left her phone here, thats odd isn't it, Bakugo." Mina shot, only adding to his fury.

"Her bro-crocs... HER BRO-CROCS! SHE NEVER LEAVES WITHOUT THEM!" Kirishima exclaimed.

"Well I don't have her. Can I leave now." Bakugo said.

"So wherever she is she's shoeless and phoneless." Mina said ignoring Katsuki's plea to leave. After a bit more interrogation, they gave up on Bakugo and left. Midoriya stuck around in your dorm room afterwards, shutting the door after everyone was gone. His fingers wrapped lightly around you as he pulled you out of his pocket. He sat down on your bed and placed you beside him. You looked around at the room, and everything in it, towering above you, freedom had been so close only about a day ago.

"It's nice, your room I mean." Izuku spoke, causing you to look up at him.

"Thanks..." he placed his open palm next to you and you climbed on. As he slipped you back into his sweatshirt pocket you felt happy, and for the first time in a while a genuine smile spread across your face.

MASTERLIST

#mha #g/t #fanfic #bakugo #bakugo katsuki #bakugo x reader #bakugo x oc #bnha #UNO REVERSE

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myloveandlifeinlajolla · 4 years

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I’m really bored so here you guys go!

1. selfie

I never do selfies sorry not sorry. I don’t do them for a number of reasons. Some of the reasons I hope are kinda obvious. I have covered this before and it comes down to the fact that the relationship I am in can lead to trouble for my dad, my sisters, and myself.

2. what would you name your future kids?

I would love to keep the family tradition and either use Gaelic or old french names.

3. do you miss anyone?

Oh man I miss having alot of acquaintances. I was very popular in high-school for alot of reasons; most not too good. I miss my sorority sisters. As you get older you find out everyone grows up at different rates. I have friends that still party like they’re 21 and I have friends that just graduated and are married, 2nd child and are like mini-van mom life! I miss always having the option to choose whom I wanted to be like that day.

I miss my sisters sometimes. I have always seen myself as my sisters’ mom. They are on the other side of the country and they live together so I miss them. They are getting so close and I miss being part of the stories, the inside jokes etc... it’s sometimes a little hard to be left out. THEN, they come home and I end up being a driver, cook, maid, and I’m like okay it’s time for you to fly out...NOW!

4. what are you looking forward to?

I’m at a point in my life where i’m content. I’m looking forward to creating the house into a home. I like decorating it. I’m looking forward to getting the house covered in flowers. I’m looking forward to working out. I’m really looking forward to getting my body back.

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?

Without a doubt it’s Catie! I love you missy.

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?

Interesting question and I guess I have a very interesting take on it. I loved my dad forever but there was a time during counseling where we were working on re-aligning the relationship to be more inline with a traditional father/daughter role so we were engaged in alot of behavior modification for me. It was really hard (and made me really depressed, and self destructive and failed) but or psych was still having me see my “crush” every day but I couldn’t do any of the things that my mom did and I was only supposed to do “age-appropriate” activities. But the thing was I loved my mom and I loved doing the things she did. So, life was just hard. Trying to pretend like feelings for someone don’t exist is a miserable experience.

7. what was your life like last year?

Life has been interesting, My dad and I are now living as a couple at the house so there were/are real growing pains associated with that. it’s no longer just his room and my room and we don’t have to sneak around the house. That stuff is amazing and I love that. I miss my sisters. I miss all my acquaintances. Catie’s husband got transferred out of Coronado and they are moving to the Virginia. My dad’s grandfather died. Still have no clue where my aunt is. This is the longest that has happened. My middle sister quit softball, my youngest sister is like a full woman and it’s scary.

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

I have cried for just about every reason under the sun.

9. who did you last see in person?

Dad as he left this morning

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?

I am not good at it at all. Mad, you’ll know, annoyed you’ll know. Sad, you will probably see drinking wine.

11. are you listening to music right now?

Nope, YouTube is on

12. what is something you want right now?

Honestly I feel like sex, anal and giving a blowjob

13. how do you feel right now?

Mildly horny and procrastinating writing up three proposals

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

This morning, I’m a lucky girl!

15. personality description

According to my plum profile I am a marvelous manager, chief communicator, and a decision maker.

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

That’s why I have Tumblr. I can tell everyone and it’s really cathartic.

17. opinion on insecurities

We all have them. Own them but don’t let them run and ruin your life.

18. do you miss how thing were a year ago?

A little. Everything seemed just a little bit easier.

19. have you ever been to New York?

Oh my god yes I love it there!

20. what is your favorite song at the moment?

Memories by Maroon 5, Rebel Girl and Kiss and Tell by Angels and Airwaves

21. age and birthday? 23 now, July 31st,

22. description of crush.

Dad was about 6′4 225 he’s about 6′1″/2″ now I think he’s still around 230

23. fear(s)

I never talk about my fears.

24. height

I’m 5′9″

25. role model

It’s cheesy but my dad.

26. idol(s)

I don’t really have any

27. things i hate

I hate shitty people. I hate mean and manipulative people. There are nice to your face and shitty behind you. If you don’t like me just be honest. We can be polite we don’t have to be friends.

28. i’ll love you if…

I don’t like being cold so if you keep me warm that’s one way. I like shopping so if you like to go shopping with me that’s a good way. I love having good coffee and also tea.

29. favorite film(s)

Phantom of the Opera, Sleeping Beauty, Diamonds are a girls best friends, breakfast at Tiffany’s stuff like that.

30. favourite tv show(s)

West wing, how I met your mother, friends, sex and the city, the big bang theory, the office, scrubs.

31. 3 random facts

I was a triple jumper, I have so many bikini pieces I rarely ever wear matching parts, I suck at swimming and look like a dog swimming.

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?

I have a ton of girl friends

33. something you want to learn

I want to learn programming

34. most embarrassing moment

The moment I hooked up with Catie’s crush in high-school and she was about to let everyone at the party know my “daddy issues” were alot more than that. yeah that sucked. But he was a giant dickhead so I guess it worked out.

35. favorite subject

Biology

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

DREAMS... get married, have children, not be in a secret relationship

37. favorite actor/actress

Reese Witherspoon, and Audrey Hepburn

38. favorite comedian(s)

Ralphie May, Norm McDonald, Jimmy Fallon,

39. favorite sport(s)

Track and Field, Sailing, Rowing, Dressage, and Surfing I was only okay at Track and Field

40. favorite memory

My prom night

41. relationship status

Taken, and like noone knows,..Sad face

42. favorite book(s)

An honorable Profession, the Great Gatsby,

43. favorite song ever

Still gives me chills, Chi ll bel sogno di Doretta but you really have to be in the mood,

LA MUSICA NOTTURNA DELLE STRADE DI MADRID. No. 6, Op.30

Pachelbel - Canon in d

More popular stuff is mashups

44. age you get mistaken for

18-20 I have a baby face

45. how you found out about your idol

I just want to be the best me I can be. no Idols.

46. what my last text message says

To a coworker, “How’s it going?”

47. turn ons

Be nice and kind (especially to a poor/homeless)

Dapper not stylish but classic

Salt and pepper hair

In shape and clean!!!!

48. turn offs

Dirtiness, disheveld, rude, loud and crude.

49. where i want to be right now

I want to be in Manhattan looking out the window onto a city of snow, with dad

50. favorite picture of your idol

nope 51. starsign

I’m a zodiac but none of that means anything.

52. something i’m talented at

blowjobs! No really I love them. Also I’m great at meticulous lab work and business strategy.

53. 5 things that make me happy

1. 99% of the time Dad. 2. Being snooty and posh. I love the opera, symphony, I love getting dressed up, and the whole ritual of it all. 3. coffee and cold misty beach air while im in a warm sweater out by the pool looking at the ocean. 4. shopping, 5. recognized for good work at work.

54. something thats worrying me at the moment

family and I really need to let things go.

55. tumblr friends

Yep got them but I don’t know if they want me to out them here. So you guys get to stay hidden!

56. favorite food(s)

Braised lamb shank is good

57. favorite animal(s)

I love big wrinkly dogs that slobber (WILL NEVER GET THEM) I can’t imagine trying to keep a clean house with fur and slobber!

58. description of my best friend.

What more can I say about Catie, she knows everything and has been my rock since I was 11! She even planned prom for me which was why I am where I am really. I mean It helped get us here alot faster. She is my bestie.

59. why i joined tumblr

This iteration of tumblr has been to talk about what it’s like to be in a real relationship with my biological father NOT some cheesy porno or erotic story. I try to talk about the real relationship struggles we have. Answer questions etc... But I guess I am kinda boring because no one asks anymore.

60. ask me anything you want

#myloveandlifeinlajolla #myloveandlifeinlj #ask me anything #ask game #send me asks

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badwolf-winchester · 5 years

Text

A Soul So Dark Part 5

A Soul So Dark It Scares The Devil Part 5

I know its been a while but I finally finished part 5. Remember to like and comment.

Pairing: Lucifer x reincarnated Reader.

Last thing: i dont own supernatural or its characters but i am the creater of Lithium Nightstar. Please dont steal my work i work really hard on this stuff and i would hate to have to stop posting my stories.

As i fall through the water I’m not scared this time, I embrace the free fall with open arms. The trip this time seems shorter than before and with one last look up i take in the swirling colors around the moon before I’m plagued into darkness.

*Lucifers POV*

Gripping my head in pain i turn to Leena who is barking with laughter after my trip. That laughter was cut short when the hound noticed my death glare, then trotted over to y/n to sniff her face. Sighing i went to pick up the coffee table i flung across the room and put it back in its original spot not wanting to anger the owner of the apartment any more so than i have already.

Im still not able to get close to the girl because of that stupid loyal hound. Leena eyed my every movement and gave the occasional growl when i got too close not easing up from her guard. Giving up i sat on the other couch across from the coffee table and watched her, soon i got bored and drifted of into a much needed slumber.

*Y/N POV*

Gasping awake i flung to my feet taking in my surroundings. Thankful that i was in my apartment, my eyes soon land on a sleeping Lucifer and then to Leena who is wagging her tail at me by my feet. Giving her a scratch behind the ears i make my way to the sleeping angel to wake him up. After tucking a piece of hair behind my ear i place my hand on his shoulder and give a shake. Startled by my actions his hand shot out and grabbed my wrist slamming me on my back with him towering over me while his other hand is restricting my airway. Leena jumped into action and got into a defensive position growling loudly at him. My right hand flung up to the hand on my neck trying to get any ounce of air into my lungs, Lucifers eyes widen once he registered what he was doing and flung himself off of me panting heavily. I gulped at the air trying to get oxygen back into my lungs while sitting up rubbing my neck where his hand use to be. After coughing a couple of times i look up at him as he tries to steady his breathing.

“That was a little uncalled for Lucifer.” I said as i got my feet with the help of Leena.

“Im sorry i didn’t mean to hurt you, its just you startled me. You shouldn’t wake me when I’m sleeping.” He said once his breathing was under control.

“Its in the past, now i need to talk with you about something and trust me you are not going to believe me.” I said nervously then gestured for him to take a seat.

As he sat down i tried to start the story my mother told me but it seemed that fate had another idea. Suddenly i was forced against the wall by an unknown force and Lucifer was thrown to the opposite side of the room towards the kitchen. There in the middle of my apartment stood a dirty blond woman in a business suit with a big book tucked under her right arm. Adjusting her glasses she smirked at me while stalking towards me.

“Well well well. Look who we have here. A girl who is supposed to be dead, alive and kicking screwing up my schedule!” She sneered at me.

Leena tried to come to my rescue but was instantly knocked out with a wave of the blond’s hand. She turned and glared at my hound over her shoulder before spitting out an angry. “Stupid mutt.”

Anger flared in me and i tried to fight against the invisible hold that was pinning me to the wall ,but it was no use there was no way for me to escape. Glancing at Lucifer who was getting up from the floor i tried to get his attention without gaining the attention of the blond woman but failed as his gaze was locked on her.

“Who are you and what are you doing here?” He said angrily

The woman turned to him and smirked “I’m hurt that you don’t remember me.The names Atropos and I’m doing what should have been done centuries ago.” She said looking at him with hatred.

“I don’t think so.” He said lunging at her. Lucifer went to throw a punch but she caught his fore arm, as she whispered a incantation his arm started to burn leaving a brand in place of her hand. Grabbing his throat with the same hand Atropos flung him back into the kitchen crashing into the fridge.

Turning her full attention on Lucifer, she took her time walking over to him. After she laid the book down she took out an Arch Angel blade from her suit pocket and continued to stalk towards him. Gripping a fist full of his hair she yanked him up on his knees and placed the blade at his neck. Smirking she turned to me and applied pressure to his neck earning a groan of pain from him.

“You know instead of killing you right away how about i tournament you by killing him first. Slowly of course and painfully.” She sneered at me.

My eyes became wide and I struggled again against the wall. “NO! STOP! PLEASE! KILL ME NOT HIM!” I screamed but fell on deaf ears as she started torturing him.

Laughing she made a cut on his neck exposing his white grace from within him. “You see that brand mark? It makes you human, no pesky angel powers to get in the way.” She tutted at the angel before turning her attention to me.

“You stole him from me Lithium, he was mine before you came along and you took him from me! Its only right that I take him from you. If I cant have him then no one can, now watch as i tear him to pieces!” Groans of pain left his lips with every slash and with every pain filled groan was an even more desperate cry from me telling her to stop. she had her fun carving into him but not enough to be faitile, as she aimed the blade at his heart something snapped in me. I stopped struggling to get free and my head hung low and My hands turned white from the tight fists i made as my vision turned red. My voice became dangerously low as well with the temperature in the apartment with each word I growl out. “DONT.TOUCH.MY.HUSBAND!”

With strength i didn’t know i had i pushed off the wall ,free from her invisible force, and stalked towards Atropos. My hair slowly faded from its dark brown color to an amber red, the shadows that cascaded around the room from the moons light snaked to me and wrapped around my body drenching me in darkness. The shadows soon dripped off me like rain drops revealing my new form.

as i unsheathed my sword from my back the angel blade Atropos was holding cluttered to the ground as she dropped it out of fear. Bones nocking together could be heard as my wings unfurled from my back dropping silverish black feathers with every movement. A dark aura pulsated from within me sounding like a gong with every step i took. My lips curled upwards into a wicked grin as i closed in on Atropos as my sword scraped across the floor.

Fear over took the Fate sister and she scrambled back releasing Lucifer, who slumped against the fridge from blood loss, and braced herself against the sink. “That’s impossible...” she wispered. “You shouldn’t be able to use your true form! God took your memories as well as your powers!” She screamed frantically. Having enough of her outbursts i placed my blade against her throat. “I remember everything Atropos.” I sneered. “Lucifer was never yours and your petty jealousy is childish. Now leave before i bathe my sword in your blood.” Shoving her away i gave her one last death glare before she picked up her book and vanished.

Sighing in relief i turn my attention to Lucifer who is still slumped against the fridge. Placing my two fingers on his head i healed all of his wounds but he remained unconscious. Running my hand through my amber locks i look around my trashed appartment “Great now i have to clean...But first.” Turning back to Lucifer i examine the mark Atropos left on his arm. The mark wasnt big but it wasnt small either( about the size of a fist) Placing my hand over the mark i push my energy into concentrating on unraveling the incantation she put on him. After a minute the mark started to glow an erie purple then faded away all together. Picking up my hand i see the mark gone, with that out of the way, i stood up and checked on Leena. Looking her over i see that Atropos just put her to sleep, sighing i turn back to my living room and clapped my hands together. “Alright lets get started.”

Part 6 coming soon.

@we-are-all-alittle-strange-here

#lucifer #lucifer morningstar x reader #lucifer morningstar imagines #soulmate #soulmates #supernatural #supernatural x reader

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mc-dude · 6 years

Text

symbrock fics im super into

just some stuff i’ve been super into lately. buncha WIPs that are super intriguing also.

🍫 = fav

soft narcissism by hollypunkers (T) 🍫

@brockreportglobe: Six a.m. and my Spouse is hiding under the bed to scare me when I wake up. I’m never bored.

The Roundabout Way by ChellaC (T)

In which Venom and Eddie navigate their new living situation and both attempt to court the other, with varying degrees of success.

Something Like a Pipebomb by impertinence (E) - WIP 🍫

Eddie already had enough problems, what with being a busy reporter with an alien parasite, when he caught one of his neighbors holding a fridge above her head. Now he has twice as many problems, including a kid who won't stop treating him like the big brother she never had and a moody alien parasite. Or: you can totally secretly pine while sharing a brain with someone else, as Venom and Eddie are both determined to prove.

somewhere between (a hangman’s knot and three mouths to feed) by bluverry (E)

In books, in movies, no one really remembers dying when they’ve been magically, miraculously resurrected, but Eddie does. Vividly. Remembers the pain, and falling, and how much it fucking hurt, and how alone he was, up there, far away from Anne or Dan or Venom or even Carlton fucking Drake. Alone, and scared, and hurting.

Don't Let Go by shadowblade_tara (T)

After the rocket explodes, Eddie struggles to keep Venom alive.

Between a Man and His Parasite by littlesystems (E) :)

This might as well happen, right? Get possessed by an alien parasite, save the world, get fucked by an alien parasite… it’s all in the same vein. It’s not like this is any more fucked up than the rest of it.

Only Human by SoldierOfMyShadowyMind (T)

You are sad. This is making you sad.

“No, not sad. I’m not that pathetic” Eddie protests, willing down the tentative thread of longing that’s unfurling inside him. “This sort of public display of affection annoys me. They don’t have to rub it in your face like that.” The last part he didn’t mean to say out loud and he bites his lip hard.

There’s a silence in his head and it feels suspiciously like revelation. You’re lonely.

(Or: Eddie needs a hug and Venom learns about human touch.)

wrapped around your finger by arahir (M)

Venom goes about love in every wrong way he knows how. Thank god for late night television.

An Associated Possibility of a Scott Pilgrim Situation by hollypunkers (M) - WIP 🍫 🍫 🍫

Eddie was unlike any host Venom had ever had before, he knew it the moment he'd joined with him, but Venom didn't know why it felt different. Uncharted. After all, hosts were supposed to be controlled and consumed and that's something Venom won't do... but they think they're getting it, becoming closer, being 'we'.

And then Venom's past comes back to haunt them.

Arch-Enemy 101 by erelis (E) - WIP

Adjusting to cohabitating in his own body with a bossy, possessive alien would be difficult enough if his life wasn't a mess, but Eddie's still trying to get his shit together after the last time everything blew up in his face. And to make matters worse, now there's some asshole out there killing innocent people in his—their—city.

They're a Man-eater by General_Button (E)

“Hey,” Eddie says, leaning back against the kitchen table. “You’ve been quiet lately."

It almost feels like—like nerves, or some shit, which doesn’t make any sense, because the symbiote never had trouble calling him a pussy and a loser before it all almost ended.

Or: Eddie and his symbiote learn to be together.

where our heart is by Yuu_chi (M) - WIP 🍫

“By signing the above form, you waive the right to sue the Life Foundation or any of its subsidiaries and holdings in the event of injuries sustained during the course of the experiment.” Eddie pauses for a second. “Up to and including death.”

Muckraker! by orphan (NR) - WIP 🍫

After the probe crash, Eddie's getting his life back together. Sort of. So what if his new beat writing PR puff pieces for Silicon Valley startups isn't exactly glamorous? And so what if every time he closes his eyes, he dreams of the distant stars, and the bottom of a smooth black hole, one that used to be filled with teeth?

#symbrock #veddie #symbrock fic rec #i'll be updating this prolly #send me good fics and i will see if they are worthy for the list

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warmau · 6 years

Note

Ooh can you do an au base of nct dreams' go mv?? Like them as rebellious teens or something like that?? It's fine if you're not comfortable with it, Still Thank You tho!!!

futuristic rebellious teens is something i can do!! (also all the people asking for bad boy!dreamies,,,,this is the closest i can give you LOL)

Mark

leader of the “lost boys”, which is what the group of teenagers call themselves

basically, they’re runaways that are anti-government and since they dont have anyone like parents or authorities to answer to - the job of protecting everyone fell onto the oldest

and,,,,as much as mark doesnt look the toughest or the scariest out of all of them in a long run - he is the most stable

with a natural knack for getting everyone out of sticky situations

and he’s no hacker like jaemin or salesman like haechan - he is the person everyone turns to for big decisions

like when they almost lost renjun in a street fight with some other teens,,,or when he was alerted that jisung was caught stealing and needed to somehow get bailed out

mark, unlike any of the other members of lost boys, started off with a pretty normal teenhood

but after the world started focusing less on humans and more on tech and money

he couldnt take it and promised he’d do something to help the world realize that being plugged in all the time was no way to live

he’s got “lost boys” tattooed on the inside of his wrist and even if he doesnt say it outloud - he’d gladly give himself up to save any of his other members

you’re kind of a rouge runaway - you don’t belong to a street group or anything like the “lost boys”

but you too aren’t exactly fond of authority - made obvious by the way you stand out

in a flood of other teens all dressed in their prim school uniforms or boring, copy and paste outfits for going out

you’ve got rips on your worn out jacket and your nose is stuck in a book rather than your phone

mark notices you right away - there’s empty seats on either side of you on the train

and everyone else keeps glancing suspicious looks your way that you don’t even bat an eyelash too

“what a delinquent” “probably dropped out of school” “id never want to end up like that!”

are comments being thrown around - but you dont flinch

mark, on the otherhand, cant stand to hear it anymore

he makes his way through the crowded train and sits down beside you

without even looking up you mumble “don’t pity me. i know what they’re saying.”

mark is shocked at how easily you’ve seen right through his intentions,,,,but he doesnt get up

instead he tilts his head down to read the title of the book in your hand and smiles

“i remember that book when i was back in canada”

this sparks your interest, you move your gaze toward his and mark notices the pretty color of your eyes

“canada? how is it there?”

mark shrugs “i havent been back in a while.”

you shut your book, resting it on your lap

mark wonders if the bag with you is full of more books - you look like the type to carry pen and paper in a world where everything is digitalized

but that’s not bad,,,,mark likes that

“do you like reading? and not on your phone, i mean books.”

mark flushes a little in response, “i do but - ever since all the bookstores closed i havent really, you know,,,,been able to find any”

as he guessed, you fish another book out of the bag with you and plop it in his hands

somewhere in the train people have started whispering “oh now there’s two of them? two troublemakers up to no good!”

but you and mark both ignore them

“i dont know if you like historical fiction, but its all i have to give you now.”

mark touches the book, it’s been a long time since he’s held one. the last time he was in school, the textbooks had been chucked out for ipads

“ill be sure to return it to you.”

you see the tattoo on mark’s hand and think ‘lost boys? ive seen that name around before’

the next stop is mark’s,,,,,but when he asks you where you’re going

you shrug and motion vaguely “i dont really go anywhere. i just,,,,,,,float around kinda,,,,,,”

the train begins to slow as it pulls into the station and just as the doors open, mark takes a hold of your wrist

he tugs you up and you stumble as he pulls you out of the train

“well then, why don’t you come with me.”

you stand and the wind from the train leaving blows you and marks hair everywhere

you both laugh

the only two people in the whole station that are looking at one and other and not at their phones

and you nod

“ok, ill follow you for now.”

you say and mark lets his hand shyly slip from your wrist and into your palm, squeezing as he holds it warmly

Haechan

he’s nicknamed “the salesman” by the rest of the lost boys

due to his ability to appeal to anyone and everything

in a world where everyone has access to the highest forms of technology

to flying cars, personal androids, hologram phones

haechans charm is a skill both forgotten by most, but also when he turns it on he could sell someone a flip phone from the 00′s and make it look like its better than the current iphone52

for their group, haechan uses his skills mostly to buy from the black market

the group doesnt have a real means of making money - but jaemin’s hacking ability, renjun’s capability with his hands, and chenle’s agility and fighting skills - can be sold for the right jobs

and in many situations haechan has to figure out how to trade those talents for daily necceassities

although there are a couple of cafes with workers who are just,,,,,quite smitten with haechan’s adorable face,,,,that every now and then he can score some free good on the sides

but what really matters is when the group needs something like medicine

or tech that has otherwise been banned by the government

haechan is the one to get it

your father was an avid collector of old gaming systems, and after he went missing you inherited the boxes and boxes of all this old wiring and consoloes

and that’s how you got into selling it on the black market - after learning that a lot of it had been banned

so ,,, as a seller ,, you knew haechan

he didn’t have a bad reputation or anything - but he was different

for one thing, he had the words ‘lost boy’ tattooed below his ear and out of the usual customers on this market

he was pretty young,,,,,,,,and pretty different

you’d heard he was even friends with a renowned hacker and a teenager who was skilled in martial arts

both things that you just,,,,didn’t expect from the normal person

and although you’d never done business with him - you were surprised one afternoon to see him show up at your front door

your apartment,,,,,was covered in boxes from your fathers storage

haechan looked around, picking up this and that till he finally stumbled across some part of a system and went

“this is what jaemin wants, are you selling it?”

you nod, “everything has a price.”

haechan grins, “i like the way you talk. so - how much?”

you name the amount and haechan’s grin falters

“and you’re not interested in,,,,,,anything but money? i know a guy who could hack into just about anything?”

you shake your head, “i dont need a hacker, i need to feed myself.”

haechan shrugs, “fair enough.”

he takes out a holographic card, the blue flashing screen lights up and the currency transfers from his name to yours

you thank him and haechan looks around a little more till he heads for the door

“by the way, do you live by yourself?”

you look down, your fathers disappearance has left you abandoned but you don’t really like to talk about it

the look on your face gives haechan enough of an answer

“you should come work with me, you have so much material and im assuming you’re good with tech too?”

you fidget, you’ve never really been one to be social

so being invited to ,,,, work with someone,,,,,especially haechan - you don’t know what to say

but suddenly you feel a warm hand on your shoulder and you look up to see haechan smiling

“c’mon, im not trying to bribe you or anything - but i think you’d be better off with us then all alone!”

you freeze a little,,,,,but haechan’s touch is warm

and his eyes are pouring into yours in a way that,,,you’ve never experienced before

“a,,are you only asking me to join because you want all of my dads stuff?”

haechan sighs, “you know - if it was anyone else in the world, id probably say yes. but it’s you and,,,,,,,,i like you,,,,,so no. im asking you to joing because you’re you.”

“yo-you like me?!?”

haechan grins, “i do, and as much as i like to think my charm works on people - you’ve successfully ignored me for a while until now.”

you furrow your eyebrows

“ignored?”

haechan starts counting on his fingers “there was that time i saw you with that other tech seller and i said hi and you just looked past me, ive also complimented your skills in tech before but you didn’t even look up at me and then-”

you put your hand over haechans to make him stop and to your surprise he interlocks your fingers

“so, will you join?”

you look around,,,,your home is nothing but a storage unit full of wires and memories of a painful past

and haechan is standing in the middle of it all like a beckon of light

so instead of pulling your hand away you nod, and let haechan pull you out into the bright world

Jeno

the tagger of the group

has always had an affinity for art, he’s actually the one who designed the lost boy tattooes

his is in a loop around his ankle bone

and even though the future has shifted its focus from man-made art to digitally created sculptre’s and paintings

jeno enjoys working with his hands

and some of his work is graffiti

mostly because the lost boys are rebels - and they cant just always be silently lurking in the shadows

so every now and then jeno has a “tagging project”

where he makes the lost boys known through graffiti and sometimes it’s more than just the name of the group

it’s art,,,,,,it’s whatever jeno believes encompasses the values of the ‘lost boys’

you’ve always admired taggers,,,,,

you come from the upperclass - the people who embraced technological advancement and threw away all the hand painted, man made art that was passed down through generations

as a kid you remembered hearing the names of famous artists,,,,but as you got older

all you saw was digital art

no one talked about the movements, about modernism - impresionists

no one wanted to study the old art of egypt, of greece, of china

when one of your parents found you sketching to yourself on the terrace, they’d ripped the paper violently out of your hands

and replaced it with a tablet

“just tell it what you want to draw and it’ll do it for you”

you hated it, and whenever you saw tagged art out on the street - knowing it was drawn by someone

by someone real, not some system built into a computer - it made you so happy

so to your amazement, you couldnt believe that you were seeing a tagger

when you stumbled upon jeno, hunched near a back alley wall - finishing up his new art for the lost boys

“i know you!”

you couldnt help to blurt out, jeno turning to you - ready to dash for it

but instead of the police he saw you, wide eyed and staring right at his art

with a look that jeno,,,,had never really seen before

is that,,,,admiration?

you broke his thought as you stepped closer, touching the wall and jumping a bit

the paint was still wet and the tips of your fingers had turned red where you’d touched it

“im so sorry, i didn’t me-”

jeno smiles - he’s probably the least intimidating of the lost boys and he’s been told that his smile has some kind of power over people

instantly your nervousness calms and jeno hands you his brush

“you can just paint it over for me”

he suggests and when you touch the brush, a rush of electricity runs up your hand

it’s been so long since you’ve held a brush - let alone painted something by yourself

and jeno is watching you, careful and steady and realizes that like him

you’re a born artist

he lets you stay around to help him finish, even when the dark of night starts breaking into the morning

jeno steps back to admire your work and you notice that he isn’t wearing the usual clothes that you see around

from his ears dangle pretty jewelry that look as if they’re made from metal lying and simple things like paperclips or nails

he’s grinning and you see the way his jacket falls off his shoulders

for a moment you think isn’t it possible that people can be art too?

when jeno turns to you he goes “you can’t tell anyone about this though, tagging is supposed to be anonymous,,,,”

jeno explains and you nod, slowly but then point out “but i always know your art from everyone elses. it’s distinct and unique,,,”

the flattery makes jeno’s heart skip

but before he can say much the familiar sound of sirens pull up down the street and jeno has to grab you and run so you two can get away without being seen

and when you both stop- pressed up together in another tight little alley you feel jeno’s heartbeat against your arm

it’s fast - probably from the running - but also probably from how close you two are ,,,,,,,,

“hey, if you want to do more art with my sometime,,,,ill be around. they’ll probably erase our tag by tomorrow so -”

you pull away from him when the coast is clear, but nod excitedly

you pull out your holographic card, a small hologram that looks like you pops up and you tell it to transfer your data to jeno’s

he shyly waves you off and when you’re gone he pulls out his own holographic card

your hologram pops up again and jeno thinks the same thing you were a while ago

people,,,really can be art too,,,,

Jaemin

a hacker

was supposed to actually work for the government as an intern engineer but ,,,, he decided to drop out of his prestigious high school and start well

hacking the government instead of protecting it

he got into the lost boys when he met mark at a cafe - he thought mark was interesting

so naturally, he hacked into his holographic card only to understand that mark,,,,

really was hiding everything about himself quite well

so - after meeting with him (and apologizing for hacking him) jaemin joined

got his lost boy tattoo on the side of his finger

he mainly hacks into large scale programs of the government that deal with citizen information

basically the government monitors people through the holograph card everyone carries around - and through their smartphones if they still have one

the lost boys believe that the government shouldnt have access to private info of people - because they exploit it

so jaemin’s whole task is to figure out how to shut down the whole system

of course,,,,that’s not going to happen in one sitting - he has to hack thousands of smaller networks

and gain information on governmental workers

and all without being traced so,,,,as usual he’s inside most of the time on the computer

he gets parts that haechan “buys” from people or that mark somehow manages to come by or that renjun builds

when the group needs extra funds he also sells his hacking ability under an alias on the black market

you are a well known hacker in the market as well - you and jaemi are probably the most sought out in the field

the only problem is ,,, you’ll do ANY job - even if it means working undercover for the government

and jaemin disproves of that - so whenever you guys have contact he’s always like “you could do much better with your talents” and you’re like “im trying to put food on the table i dont care what my talents are used for”

and jaemin just,,,,cant get over your whole ‘i survive only for myself’ mentality

it bothers him - he feels like there’s more to you,,,,that he just doesnt know

so one day - he decides he’s going to hack you

and he knows he should feel guilty because hacking you is,,,,basically just doing what the government is already doing to others

but he’s just scared - what if something,,,,something bad is happening to you to make you this way

but of course - as soon as he attempts it

a billion firewalls pop up and his holographic card suddenly starts malfunctioning

and suddenly there’s a message on his screen

and he doesnt even have to open it to know that your hologram is going to pop up and be like “jaemin. why are you hacking me?”

he freezes, “how do you know my name?”

you huff, “it wasn’t easy to guess. plus haechan has a big mouth. so,,,,why the sudden interest in my life?”

jaemin looks down, his dark eyes hovering over his keyboard until your hologram eggs him on to speak

“i just,,,i just wanted to know if everything is ok- recently ive heard you’ve been working with officials and i,,,,are you really ok with it for the money??”

it’s quiet on your end and jaemin waits until your hologram goes fuzzy - and then offline

and jaemin grabs at his holographic card, shaking it to see whats going on when another message appears

it’s an address

when jaemin arrives, you’re already there with a backpack over your shoulder

jaemin stares at it and then at you

“what’s in there?”

“information.”

jaemin stares at it - then back at you

your face is half hidden by a facemask, you don’t make direct eye contact but jaemin can see

that you’ve got pretty features - that for some reason you’re trying to hide from him

he touches his own face, completely exposed to you and takes the backpack when you extend it

“don’t tell me you’re giving me the files the officials sent over to you-”

you shrug and jaemin can tell you’re smiling under the mask

“so you are a good person afterall,,,” he starts

and you look away,,,,suddenly your face is hot under the damn mask

when you and jaemin part ways

jaemin is sure of whats in the bag - and when he gets back home all the lost boys crowd around him

and walla - all the files from the officials are in there

before he sits down to get to reading through some, jaemin finds a note stuck to one of the files

‘don’t try to hack me again. next time, just ask me out like a normal person’

jaemin blushes,,,,but picks up his holograph card - maybe you’ll be free on a weekend or something

Renjun

his nicknames the “builder”

he just,,,,really likes making things - and he can fix things as well

built a bike for haechan out of scrap garbage

fixes jaemin’s motherboards on the daily

chenle had asked for a staff to practice some martial arts with and it took renjun like two hours only to make it perfectly

he seems to just have the ability to touch something and understand how it works

but,,,like any lost boy,,, he doesnt exactly want to be building things and selling them for profit just to be used to hurt others

his lost boy tattoo is on the back of his neck

he really only talks to the lost boys - he doesnt really like making conversation with others

because he has a fear of,,,saying something and getting everyone else in trouble

but with his group he can definitely be a little ,,, sassy

“stop breaking things and making me fix them, and if you dont - learn to fix them yourself.”

“but renjun i cant fix-”

“but renjun is now gonna take a nap, goodnight!”

haechan is known for being the sociable one,,,,so he’s always the one going out getting everyone odd jobs or food

but one afternoon he asks renjun to go pick up some food from this cafe where one of the workers knows haechan

at first renjun refuses, he wants to stay home and tinker with these new electronics mark just brought to him

but it’s haechan - and even renjun cant lose an argument with him

so renjun ends up outside of this cafe after closing

where he meets you - he comes out of the back carrying a couple of brown bags full of extra food

and when renjun sees you - it’s like time stops

it’s been a while since renjun has looked at anyone and you - you look like,,,,,,,,,an angel

you bring the bags out and sigh sadly, “not a lot this time,,,,the owner is sort of one to me”

you say and hand them to renjun who almost drops them out of pure shock

“are you ok?”

you ask, helping him steady himself as you tuck your hair back and stare

renjun nods slowly

“by the way - who are you, haechan said that ‘the builder’ was going to come. is that you?”

again, all renjun can do is nod

you nod too “what do you build?”

“a-anything.”

your eyes go wide and renjun is taken by the color of them

“anything?! woah - that’s amazing!”

renjun can feel the weight of the bags - but once you say that it’s like they disappear and all he can feel and hear is your voice

“id love to see your creations sometime -”

you start, but a voice from inside calls you back in

you wave and renjun doesnt even have the strength to say anything back as he watch - like slow motion - you disappear inside

a couple of days pass and renjun feels like he cant build ANYTHING

until,,,finally he starts a little something

and finds himself waiting outside the cafe one night as you come out with your bag over your shoulder

your holographic card in your hand, showing you the weather and what not

till you look up and rush over to renjun

“oh - the builder! what’s up?”

renjun pulls something out of his pocket and sets it in your hand

you open it and ,,, out of metal wiring and whatnot is a butterfly

whose wings buzz slightly when you touch it and you look back up at renjun

“did you make this?”

“for you.”

renjun finally speaks and you flush, looking at it and grinning

“you really can build anything, this is so cute!”

renjun blinks and doesnt really know what to say until natrually he just goes

“you’re cuter”

you both get slightly embarrassed, but you tuck the butterfly safely into your bag and reach out for renjun’s hand

he lets you take it and doesnt even question where you’re going to take him

even this silhouette our back is beautiful

he could look at it forever

Chenle

he doesn’t have a real nickname,,,,but he’s kind of the brawn of the group

and believe me,,,,everyone looked at him on his first day and was like “you can fight? but you,,,,,you’re so skinny”

and chenle was like, try to land a punch on me then

no one could

and rather then strength, chenle has honed the ability of agility and stealth

and when needed - he’s a great person to be a bodyguard or protector

because no one suspects him coming

other than his fighting ability though,,,,he can be scatter headed and has numerous times found himself lost in the city

having to call haechan or mark to get him

he has also done dumb things like tripped over alley cats or gotten himself accidentally bruised when he walked into a pole because he was too focused on this good looking cake in a store window

but that aside - chenle really is capable of some amazing things

his lost boy tattoo is on the part right below his ribcage

chenle also sometimes has a habit of sticking his nose into unsolicited business

so when you find yourself cornered - a group of other street teens are trying to get you to give over your holographic card so they can sell it

well

chenle can’t just walk by

and ,,, although he does have the element of surprise there’s like five of these teens

and you know chenle is in trouble when he’s on the ground with a little bit of blood coming out of his nose

so you just toss your holographic card toward one of them and tell them to back off of him

happy with getting what they want, they leave you and chenle alone

you scramble over, checking his face here and there and panicking because

you cant take him to a hospital - you’re both street teens

and you dont have anything on you to stop the bleeding

so all you can do is kind of hold your hand over chenle’s nose and tell him to tilt his head so it stops

and when he’s all good - just bruising and not bleeding

he looks at you and sheepishly goes

“,,,,,sorry you had to give up your holograph card”

you shrug “nothing important on it anyway.”

chenle looks at you, his clear skin riddled in red bruises and tiny cuts

and he feels bad just,,,,leaving you

after he tried to help but just ended up making things worse

so he invites you to come with him

you, of course, say no. you’re not going to join some stranger

even if this stranger is cute

and did try to help you

but chenle just rolls up his shirt (much to your shock - your hands go right up to your face to hide your eyes)

to show off the lost boys tattoo

and you’re like wait,,,i know that tattoo - you guys are that group against the government

and chenle is like yep! if you want, you can join us - i mean anyone who throws their holograph card away like that must not really like what the government is doing huh

and you shrug, you don’t care either way but ,,,the idea of belonging to a group instead of being all alone

is kind of nice

plus chenle ,,,, doesnt seem all that bad

and when you guys show up together jaemin is like whose this and haechan is quick to question you

but chenle explains what happens and mark, ever the nice boy, lets you stay

out of curiosity, jisung comes over to talk to you and chenle shoos him away

“they’re with me”

jisung raises an eyebrow “aren’t they part of our group - so they’re with everyone?”

you blink confused, missing the spark in chenle’s eyes and the whisepred

“that’s not how i meant it jisung, now go away!”

jisung gets the message and scurries off, but you’re still ? until chenle is like OW geez this bloody nose hurts if only i could lay my head on someones lap,,,

you: you can lay your head on m-

chenle: thank you.

the camera zooming in on haechan: corny

Jisung

the youngest and the ‘wild card’ of the group

mark had forbid him from getting the lost boys tattoo because he’s a kid but jisung still managed to get it

mark was mad but jeno pointed out that hey, unless it didn’t get infected or anything like that

his tattoo is right above his elbow

he’s a wild card because no one in the group really knows if jisung understands what the lost boy cause is

or if he just likes getting into it with other street groups and causing a ruckus

out of everyone he likes piercings the best - knows a guy named ten in town who does them on the low

since society has kind of forbid people from having anything but their ears pierced

jisung looks wild with his hair a mess and his nose pierced

(again - the piercing did almost give mark a heartattack but jeno was again like at least it’s not his tongue right?)

(jisung definitely plans to get his tongue pierced though)

you’ve seen jisung around - he likes to cause trouble

alone or with his group

you see him a lot when you’re on your way to class, he likes to hang out with the tagger jeno

or sometimes you just see him trying to badmouth off to adults who tell him he looks ‘scary’

you try to ignore it - you don’t want to meddle with anything or anyone that could get you in trouble

but,,,,,jisung thinks you’re interesting

sometimes he’ll just end up walking beside you, leaning over to play with a strand of your hair

offers to carry your books which you just snatch away

he once asked you if you’d ever want to go see him get another piercing and you made a face

that you thought meant disgust - but which jisung called “just adorable”

and no matter how much you say he’s not your type

he’s the opposite of it

there is something magnetic about him

he’s nothing like other boys around

and the one time some other dude had tried to come onto you in the street - jisung had showed up and made no big deal out of getting into the dudes face and telling him to

“get his dirty hands right off them”

you tried to act unimpressed,,,,but you were thankful and even let jisung keep his arm around you

the problem was,,,,you think after that,,,,you’ve actually fallen for jisung

so when he doesnt show up on your walk to class one day you start panicking

and you go around - asking if anyone’s seen him

everyone asks why in the world you’re worried about a kid like him and you try to make excuses

until you leave a shop and bump right into jisung

who gives you a smile and flicks your forehead lightly and goes

“heard you were all worried about me, does that mean someone is in love?”

you huff and brush past him

“i just wanted to make sure you didn’t get yourself killed -”

jisung pulls you around a corner and you look around with paranoia that someone might see

but jisung just makes you look back at him and before you know it he’s kissing you

and you squirm and he pulls back and goes “don’t like it?”

and you just cant hide the look on your face so you go

“it’s fine - but do it somewhere private i dont want the whole world to see!”

“what, that you’re kissing a lost boy? a dirty street kid?”

you push at him gently, but jisung abides by your wish and pulls you somewhere quieter where he kisses you again - softly

and you think fine whatever so you do like him and he is a good kisser

and as long as no one finds out,,,it should be alright,,,,,,maybe?!?

jisung that day coming back home with a big goofy smile on his face, jaemin just turns around and is like

“i hacked your holograph - says you kissed your crush today.”

jisung: “sTOP haCKING MY LIFE,,,,but yeah i kissed them and jaemin. i think im in love”

haechan: oh no an idiot in love the world better watch out jkjk

873 notes · View notes

ac-ars · 6 years

Text

high for this

it’s been less than a year this time, less than two weeks actually and it’s a success im sure we all can agree lmao

have fun

Luna Valente doesn’t expect much fun when she gets accepted to the University of Oxford, but it’s the only way to stay away from her controlling aunt. She doesn’t expect also Matteo Balsano, who is the most helpful out of everyone there. Is he really as perfect as it seems though?

previous chapters here

🌙

2/ you there when I'm high, you're gone when I'm low

“So, how was the date with Balsano?” Ambar asks almost carelessly, but Luna knows already that it’s just a tone the blonde uses always, when she is pretending to not be curious. Valente sighs slightly and shrugs. “There was no date, plus it wouldn’t be a date if he showed up.”

Smith scrunches up her nose. “What do you mean?” Her shoulder hits some guy’s arm and she just keeps walking, making Luna wonder if she ever at least tries to be nice.

“I mean that he was supposed to come over, but he texted me that he had last minute student council meeting. You know that, you were there after all, right?”

Ambar looks at her weirdly, as if confused, but it’s just for a mere second and this expression disappears, leaving its blace for blank, bored stare. “Yeah, yeah, sure. It was super bad. You know, schedule changes and such.”

Luna nods slowly, smiling a little in her direction and Ambar makes awkward face. “I gotta go. I will see you somewhere later though, good luck on class and well whatever.”

With this she disappears in the middle of the hallway and Luna just looks after her as she is walking quickly, somehow too quickly for Ambar to be casual, but it’s not like the brunette can do anything right now. She just turns away checking the texts from the girls who are probably already waiting for her.

The hallways are filled with students, most of them is older than her and she is kinda awkward, not sure what to do. Some are looking at her, yet definitely more is ignoring her passing by and that’s amazing thing, because now she doesn’t need to try to run towards the exit or something.

At least the day is pretty, the sun blinds Luna as soon as she leaves the building and she needs to quickly search for her sunglasses. They aren’t in her backpack, which isn’t really surprising. After all recently it has been only sad and grey and sometimes even rainy, so there was no need for such thing like sunglasses. She sighs with disappointment and looks around for her friends, letting out small, heavy sigh seeing that Jim and Yam adopted Nina as well today.

Luna just approaches them without saying anything and sits on the grass next to the blonde, as quiet as possible. Nina seems to be super focused on the big, fat book that is lying in front of her on the grass and Jim is eating her fruits from breakfast box using a fork. Luna rolls her eyes seeing this and just pulls out bio book and her earphones, because the next class there can be some surprise like quiz or test, no one ever knows really.

Sadly, as soon as she turns on some random Abba song, someone hits her on the shoulder and says her name loudly. Luna growls, putting her phone in between the bio book pages and turns to Yam, who looks at her expecting.

“What?” she asks and it might be rude, but that’s how they talk to each other mostly, which is mostly funny.

“I was asking you. Where is your prince charming?” The blonde shrugs as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and Luna wonders if it’s their only topic to talk about. Matteo this, Matteo that, just like they weren’t in fancy uni with many, many older boys to talk about, or some hot profs, no, they are just stuck gossipping about one boy, who has been such a hot and cold pain in the ass, that Luna before her period needs to stay away from him.

“I don’t know. He seems to have some other stuff to do.”

Yam shrugs scrunching her nose and steals an apple slice from Jim’s box.

“He is probs busy with Gastón.” Nina says as she turns the page of this really ugly book, and just focuses on the text again. Jim and Yam jump to her, the ginger actually falls to Simonetti’s back and they start giggling loudly with the rest.

Luna sighs fixing the laces to her converse as she takes them around her ankle playfully and ties normally, it makes her feel less fancy than everything else plus it’s not like she is trying to be actually fancy. She also isn’t an aesthetic university girl like Nina for example.

“Luna, maybe you know what happened?”

The Mexican growls, falling to the grass and covers her face with bio book, which smells like dust by the way. “What would I know? Sorry, but I don’t talk to Matteo about his friendship issues.”

She knows it wasn’t the best thing to answer, especially seeing how even Nina raises her eyebrows. Jim and Yam jump surprised and just steal Luna’s precious book, hovering over her so their hairs tickle Luna’s nose. “Then what are you two talking about?” With this the ginger turns to her chihuahua bestie and winks. “Maybe they aren’t talking at all, though?”

They burst out with laughter and Valente just blinks at them surprised, not knowing what to do with this thing. This whole situation is completely ridiculous, because the girls don’t shut up, but also she has no idea what the hell is Matteo pulling on her, disappearing right before they were supposed to meet.

She doesn’t like it, she very doesn’t, she will tell him about how shitty he is acting, and that if he really will expect her to be normal next time, he will probably end up disappointed. Yet, at the same time it’s not like they are something else than just kinda friends, not even fully friends so Luna can’t think he will be always there and text her. Still, some other text than the short one he sent would be nice, and maybe sending another with other date of their meeting, but nah, why would he even try?

“You feel eh, don’t you?” Jim asks with small frown and Luna shrugs, not really saying anything.

“We are taking you to the lunch by the way, so get your small butt up and let us pay for your pizza.”

🌙

They are really paying for her food, and Luna can’t say no, and doesn’t wanna say no since it gives her the chance to pay for some of them next time, or even later. They somehow talk about dumb shit, trying to set her up with hot waiter who asks for their orders and this is definitely something finally normal. They haven’t done normal for a few long days, so she is really grateful for them to take her head away from bad ideas and bad thoughts and general annoyance that keeps bubbling in the back of her head whenever someone mentions Matteo Balsano.

Sadly, it’s not like she is interested in this pretty boy who gives them some discount, she keeps having the smile of one Italian on her mind, how he likes to wink at her and send her tiny smirk whenever he wins some playful conversation. How he just acts, making her like him for just existing and this is very dangerous ability.

Luna obviously takes part in the conversation surprisingly, despite almost twins gushing about some dance classes they found next to the campus, Nina interrupting them with some new drama informations about how girls from her literature class kept gossiping that Matteo and his best friend had a fight, or at least a drama recently.

She remembers how when on the airport Matteo was all smiling and laughing at the screen of his phone, saying that it was his best friend spamming him already. Now when she thinks of it, it’s all kinds of weird that he hasn’t mentioned this guy even once and that something must have happened. Yet, she doesn’t feel like she has any right to ask or mix herself in Matteo’s business.

It’s time to make them stop talking so loudly that other people are sending them annoyed looks, so Luna sighs and asks. “What are we doing tonight?”

They immediately shut up and stare at her very seriously. “We are going to have very much fun, Luna Valente. We are going to drink alcohol and dance, and sing very loudly, and you are going with us.” Yam says very casually with straight face and stable voice.

“But tomorrow we all have classes? Are you okay?”

Jim rolls her eyes and moves to Luna so close, she almost ends up on her lap. “We are okay, that’s just part of being a student not at home, so we will make you be less boring tonight.”

“I am not boring, I just don't feel like drinking my ass off in the uni night, that's all,” she says with a shrug and Jim and Yam share knowing look.

“That's exactly why you should go and chill, you deserve all chill, Luna and we don't want you to end up blackout, just to relax and dance. Don't you like dancing?”

Valente sighs with a pout and wonders why she is so bad at saying no.

🌙

“Could you please already stop touching my hair?” Luna asks when Nina pulls single strand while braiding this fancy thing on Luna's head.

“I'm sorry, it's just because there is so much of your hair around it just tangles around my fingers,” the Argentine girl explains and shrugs a little.

The brunette hums, trying to not wince every time she feels a pull on her head, and it’s not that hard, because Nina is trying to be softer now. “You aren’t going with us, are you?” she asks and Simonetti smiles. “Of course not. I have some writing to do still and I promised my dad I would skype with him tonight. But I hope you girls have fun.”

Luna looks at her in the mirror and blinks surprised a little, yet trying to hide it. “Won’t you tell me now that we all should study and focus on classes?”

“No, because you don’t like it. And you are adult, Luna, you decide about it yourself.”

“What? How do you know that I don’t like it?” she asks surprised, and now she feels all kinds of dumb, and rude, and mean person.

Nina shakes her head slightly with tiny smile. “Once I told Jim to study and she told me to stop telling people what to do, everyone is adult here, and I guess I was just sure that it’s help, not annoying. Anyway I hope you have fun.”

Luna smiles back, happy about this one step towards being better with everyone, and wants to say something, but Jim and Yam jump into the room laughing loudly and having something glittery in their hands. Valente gasps, fully knowing what this means.

“We got you a dress!” the blonde yells and Luna feels how her blood leaves her face, this fabric is definitely too much, probably too short, glitter isn’t that much of a problem, but the rest will most likely be. “Come on, go and try it, and then you will do some makeup, because I’ve seen some on your instagram account and you are good at this.” Jim smiles and pulls Luna up from the chair before pushing her in the bathroom along with the dress, and again, she should definitely read about being assertive.

🌙

Those colorful little shots are so pretty, the more she takes, the better they get, and at this point the glittery dress is biting her skin less and less. The music is loud, yes, but it’s the nice kind of music, Luna likes it and the only breaks are to drink a little more. She knows that this was her last one shot, sadly, still it’s okay; she can have fun without any more alcohol and then go back home and go to sleep, praying for no hangover in the very next day.

She doesn’t talk or dance to anyone except her two friends, they seem to be glad about that, but at the same time they keep pointing at some boys in the crowd. None of them seems to be a good one, but let’s be real, who would search for a boy to date in the club filled with alcohol and bass sounds that can be felt in bones.

Luna adores dancing to be honest, no matter if it’s dancing around her dorm while cleaning, or dancing like here in the club. She just loves it, loves to move and jump with the rhythm while her hair is softly bouncing around, tickling the skin of her back and shoulders and the fact that the more they dance, the more she can drink.

It’s almost an hour after midnight, and Luna doesn’t feel sleepy or tired one bit, which is very dangerous in her case, but classes are later in the day, so she will let herself sleep longer. Jim and Yam keep spinning around and making sure they all don’t leave each other and lose in between people. Luna sighs, because she felt some elbow in her ribs, or someone stomping on her toes, she guesses it’s time for a break so she yells to the girls it, trying to break through the newest remix of some famous song.

She gets to the small table breathing quickly, and leans against it with her elbows. Her phone buzzes, so she checks it after brushing her hair away from her face. It’s just some notification from insta, Simon sent her a text, but she can’t focus on it when there is orange-pink circle around Matteo’s profile pic waiting for Luna to tap it and watch. It takes much strength to ignore it and block the phone before throwing a look around. Too many people, weird people wearing all kinds of clothes in all possible colors, and then she spots this guy wearing all black by the bar, and Luna can swear she loses her breath.

He is smiling smug at this girl in green dress, even shorter than it should be allowed, but neither of them seems to care. This girl’s face Luna can’t see, she just notices how Matteo looks at her and even if it’s very bad look, she doesn’t focus on it, staring at the way this black shirt is staying on his shoulders, not too tightly, yet it seems like there is no extra fabric there. How first few buttons are undone, and how the sleeves are rolled up, not to mention those black pants, having Luna have all issues possible.

He takes the girl’s hair behind her ear wearing this small smirk before brushing her collarbone and arm with his fingers. Luna can almost feel the trembling of the girl with black hair that is very focused on Matteo Balsano, and having him all focused on her, and Luna has no idea, but she hates it. She hates that he is here acting completely normal, living normal as he always is, after he just threw her random text about sorry, not coming over, and then leaving her waiting again. Luna hates it, hates him and this girl, and the alcohol for making her feel this way, and she also hates herself. For wanting him to look at her.

Now she feels like she needs to drink more and regrets not doing it earlier. Though, who knows what would she have done with more alcohol in her blood. She stares at him most likely too long, at least long enough for him to catch her eyes for a second, and Luna can’t say what he will do now, because she turns away, looking at her phone screen intently and hoping that Cancun beach homescreen pic will teleport her there so she won’t have to handle this boy.

“Now I feel kinda sad here.” Luna hears by her ear, the voice obviously low and soft, and her drunk ear takes it eagerly and shivers climb up her spine. “Come on, sweet thing, talk to me.”

“And why would I?” She pouts raising her eyebrows at him, while he just smiles at her. “I’m sorry for not letting you know earlier about not coming to see you. And I’m sorry I haven’t texted you since then.”

This is all kinds of weird and Luna wonders what he wants this time. “Why are you apologizing? It’s not like you have to. We aren’t anything that would oblige you to explain yourself.”

Matteo hums, moving closer. “But I am not explaining myself. I’m just saying sorry because I haven’t done things that I should have, of course. And I’m here willing to make it up to you, if you want of course.”

“I mean, you don’t have to. You don’t owe me anything.” The brunette shrugs turning away.

“But I want to,” he murmurs and she can feel his breathing on her shoulder, she knows he is doing the exact same thing he was doing to the other girl minutes ago, yet this feels too good to pull away. This small feeling of excitement builds in her and she likes how it tickles her from inside.

Still, she decides to play with him a little. “Yes, but you were busy, Matteo.”

He chuckles and rests his hands on her waist, before turning her to him and leaning against the edge of the table. “I am not busy anymore. I am free for the rest of the night actually.”

Luna bites on her lower lip, taking all his attention to it. “From what I know, we are always free, that’s a human right, no?” She asks with a small giggle and Matteo shakes his head, leaning closer.

She wants him closer, but obviously she doesn’t get it, that’s how life hates her- once she wants to get something, once, and Jimena just hits the something from the side, which makes Matteo pull away and stand a little away from them.

“What are you doing, Luna? It was girls night, she says with accusing tone and her blonde bestie who follows her just points at Matteo. “I’m sure we should let Luna do what she was doing, or almost doing, before, Jim.”

Balsano snorts and Luna can feel herself giggling. “Yes, this was a girls night, did you hear it Matteo?”

The ginger looks at Luna’s companion she bumped seconds ago, and now she is shook, because there he is the boy she’s been gossipping about for long, long days, or that’s what Luna thinks is the reason of big eyes her friend makes at Matteo.

She spots Yam turning towards the bar, and then away from the bar so she can put the shot glasses on the table, and when Luna reaches for her immediately, because well her sanity definitely needs that, some hand takes it faster and in a second that’s it from her shot.

“It was mine? Who the hell do you think you are?” The brunette asks, completely surprised, because why the fuck would Balsano steal her shots.

“I think, that it’s time for us to go home,” he just states, ignoring her angry glare and loud questions. Luna huffs and crosses her arms. “I don’t wanna go home. Besides, I am not going to leave my friends here.”

The Italian nods. “Well, then we are going to walk them first, but then we go to your dorm so you get home safe and no one steals you on the way.”

Luna is very lost at this moment, she doesn’t get this boy one bit. First he is undressing some girl by the bar with his eyes, then he does the same with her, but using his voice and now he changed into group father who is gonna make sure everyone has no fun. Still, the look he is giving them now makes Luna just give up, she turns to the girls and sighs. “Are we going then? This one is gonna be super whiny I believe.”

“Okay I guess, but next weekend we are gonna stay looooonger.” The ginger pouts and Luna giggles. “Fine, can be.”

“No, you must promise, Luna Valente.” She takes up her pinky and the brunette just takes it with hers, nodding few times until her friend is happy. Her eyes walk towards Matteo who just sends her a wink and she wonders why would he try to send her home already. Or more like walk her home. And why would she agree.

🌙

It’s cold when they are walking towards Luna’s place, cold enough for her to start shivering and cold enough for her to accept Matteo’s arm around her shoulders, because he is warm and she would take everything that is warm. The girls are already in their room, since they live together, and Luna can walk calmly knowing that they are safe, most likely sleeping, and if not they always have the other to hold their hair in case of throwing up.

Matteo isn’t talking much, she isn’t either and it’s okay. Her heels are hitting the hard bricks of the sidewalk and except their breathing this is the only sound Luna can hear, which is nice. She feels that when he isn’t talking she is the least exposed to any harm from his side, he is just comfy and warm, and smells so nice, not with alcohol and when they will get to her place, Luna is sure he will let her go and won’t try to get in touch for next few days.

She sighs heavily and yawns, hearing his tiny chuckle and she guesses she can break the silence for a moment. “What’s so funny?” she just asks and he looks at her before sending her a smile. “Few moments ago you were all about staying in that club longer, and now you are like sleepy, little kitten.”

Luna huffs, it’s not that being compared to a kitten is a bad thing, but he is clearly making fun of her and her drunk self doesn’t like it. Actually she feels drunk only in the moments when she looks at his face.

“I’m sleepy because you are boring, Matteo.”

He raises his eyebrows at her and she giggles shaking her head. Italian gasps at this and pokes her on the ribs so she jumps a little. “I am not boring, it’s not my fault that you decided to have crazy night after waking up in the morning probably around eight am.”

Luna bites on her lower lip thinking, trying to remind herself when she did wake up, but since she can’t at this moment, she just ignores his comment.

There is again, a little quiet minute until it’s his turn to ruin it. “Why didn’t you take a jacket?”

“Why didn’t you?” Luna answers with a question and he sighs done. “Because I am not cold. Now you tell me.”

She pouts moving a little closer to him, hoping that he won’t mention it. “I forgot to take it.”

“Well, so we better hurry up.”

The brunette nods agreeing; she wants to be home as soon as possible, take off this uncomfy shoes and dress, spend few years under the shower and sleep for the rest of the night. To speed up the walking she tries to play with the one stone by kicking it away and when she walks to it again, she just kicks it again. Once it goes to the left, more towards Matteo’s feet which makes Luna pout, yet he surprises her by kicking it so she can continue.

He pretends that it didn’t happen and the brunette pretends she doesn’t see the look he is sending her.

🌙

“It’s a nice building,” he murmurs when they get to the door of her dorm. Luna looks around the hallway and she can’t really see anything nice here, it’s just normal, but she guesses Matteo was trying to make the conversation with the least awkward start.

“Well, you could have seen it earlier.” Luna shrugs and he smiles leaning his back against the entrance door so she can’t really get in or even try to put the key in the lock. “Let me in, Matteo.”

“Why were you so annoyed at me today?” he asks instead and she frowns. “And why do you care?”

Matteo crosses his arms and she does the same, which probably looks ridiculously funny. “Because I don’t want you to be angry at me, sweet thing.”

“How would I be angry with you, if you don’t even talk to me?” The brunette hums and Balsano nods slightly, thinking probably about something important or not important. She has no idea exactly, but this scrunched nose of his is kinda cute and she likes it, his lashes are throwing some shade at his cheeks, definitely unfair that his lashes are so long. She stares at him just like he stares at her and it’s the weirdest moment between them ever.

“I’m sorry,” he says and she blinks surprised. “I will be talking to you now.”

“You know that it sounds super weird? Plus you don’t have to, Matteo. I get it, I just don’t want you to tell you would do something and then text me last minute, that sorry, but you can’t be there and then ignore me for few days. It’s fine, just stop.”

Matteo looks at her carefully. “Stop what?”

“Stop trying to be nice. Because it’s not really working for either of us.”

He smiles a little, which is ridiculous for Luna, so she doesn’t manage to react quickly enough when he reaches for her hand and pulls her close to his chest. She blinks surprised, looking into his eyes, he brushes her hair behind her ear softly and sighs. “Will you let me try once again? Let me and it will be fine, I’m sure of it.”

The brunette opens her mouth to say something, but he stops her. “Don’t tell me now, I’m sure your drunk self needs more time to make decisions, not to mention drunk choices are always bad for us. Let me know later, though. I will be waiting.”

She sighs with a tiny nod, barely moving and Matteo kisses her forehead before leaving. She can only watch him heading towards the elevator without turning away as she has two things on her mind. First, did he mean himself or her when he talked about deciding about stuff while drunk. Second, he never promised her anything and this she should remember.

Luna shakes her head and gets into her dorm, fully knowing that today to sleep she will listen to the song he sent her in the plane on repeat.

#soy luna #lutteo #hft #my writing

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sainadazai · 3 years

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Chapter 1

Welcome to U.A highschool!

How you got in, you had no clue, but you were thrilled none-the-less as you approached the large building on the first day of school. See, compared to the others at your entrance exam, you hadn't really stood out.

It was a really tough time considering your whole life was spent getting ready for that moment, but you truly underestimated the people you were up against.

One boy, was flying around on burst of fire, knocking out robot after robot, and you were knelt on the floor still disassembling your first one. Throughout it you couldnt stop comparing your own skills to everyone else's, and everyone else seemed better.

So it came as a huge suprise when a hologram of all-might himself announced that you had been scored second place out of all the applicants. Coming in at 68 points. Maybe the stress kept you from actually counting how many robots you had rendered immobile, or completely turned to mush.

After thinking about it, the test really had been catered to your quirk, you were bound to succeed. Quirk- metal shift vs a ton of robots? Why had you been so worried?

The confidence boost from your score led you to this day, a prideful glint in your eyes as you marched through the halls of U.A. trying to find your class.

Rounding a corner, the sight of a large door with 1A on it met your eyes. Why had the door been so tall? Would there be giants in your class? Is that even a quirk that exists?

So many questions circled your mind, as well as excitement. See, spending your earlier years training all the time had really impacted your social life, or lack-there-of. Being busy means no friends, being a nerd means no friends, being cocky means, you guessed it- no friends.

A hero school had to be different, though. Everyone here would understand the need to focus on work, theyd just be able to work together with you. Opening the door, your face held excitement for the possible friends on the other side. Excitement to have conversations with people, instead of your cat, mochi.

What you didnt account for was how scary it would be for somebody who spent the last 16 years being friends with a cat, to talk to other girls. Or boys. Or anyone.

"Hi, my names mina ashido! I saw you at the exam. Your so cool!"

There she was, a pink skinned girl with beautiful curly hair shaking around in an afro as she spoke. Her black and yellow eyes shiny and focused on you. She had you cornered between her well-toned body and the door, jumping around and advancing.

It must've been years since anyone but your mom had called you 'cool'. Must have been months since another kid innitiated conversation with you. Were you meant to know what to say? Were you supposed to be sorry? That was ussually what you said when people confronted you like this at your old school.

A smile was spread across her round cheeks, so she must not be upset with you. Was it an upset smile? Well, best to just apologize and wait to talk to someone more calm.

You tried to tame your wide eyes and flustered stance before looking the ground and muttering an apology.

Little did you know how her face dropped in confusion at the interaction. She had just wanted to make friends after all. Mina had really not understood the apology either, sure that she had definitely given you a complement.

However a green haired boy entered the room and she was quickly distracted.

A new problem arose now. Where to sit? The plan to be friendly and extroverted had taken a fatal plumet, so in the old y/ns nature, you settled at the seat closest to the back. A boy with dual colored hair sat in the desk next to you, looking fairly unbothered by the other students.

Assuming this wasn't on purpose, you figured you'd try again with the friends thing. So after setting your bag down and sitting quietly in your seat. Allowing the ruffles of your skirt to become even more-so.

"Uhm, hi?" You tilted your head at him, in question with yourself.

His eyes lifted from what he was reading to see if he recognized you, when he didn't they returned to his book. Staring only a side glance.

Well there goes your big ol ego from the exam results. Guess you'll take a jump back into the sea of self doubt.

You slumped sadly in your seat, the boy was quite pretty, hair vibrant red and shining white. Pale skin, all over except for a large scar over his eye. You wondered if it hurt? Or was it old enough to just be a painful memory? Was it even a scar, it could be a birthmark?

Thoughts circled your head like that often, you were just always so curious. How could you not be curious when you knew so little?

Shifting uncomfortable in your seat, and relentlessly shraightening your uniform you caught on to the other conversations in the room.

A mean looking boy sat with his feet on the desk, while another frantically told him to stop. It was quite the funny scene, you even found yourself smiling at it. How can it be so easy for them, you wished you had maybe taken more time to read on social dynamics before applying here.

Maybe you could read more about it when you got home? I'd be nice to interact like that some day.

A green haired boy looked very flustered as he spoke with a female classmate. Everyone seemed to be in the class, you counted 20 people.

"If your just here to make friends then you can pack up your stuff now"

I looked all around me but couldnt tell where that deep voice came from. Must be an authoritive figure, or else why would he threaten our places here?

Still not finding the origin of the voice, it spoke again.

"Welcome to U.A.'s hero course.." The monotone of it was quite jarsh, but the voice was soothing in a way. Deep and rumbley and soothing? Your thoughts were getting ahead of you, really.

Then, over by the entrance, a yellow caterpillar stood up and unzipped itself. Wait, what?

Out stepped a black haired man, dressed in a long sleave shirt.

"It took eight seconds for you to shut up, thats not gonna work. Time is precious."

He completely dropped his shell of yellow to the floor.

"Rational students would understand that."

Four students stood right in front of the man, shock and disbelief on their faces. Why hadnt they realized he is our teacher? Are they dumb? If so, how'd they get into U.A.?

From the way he refered to us and his assertive tone, he must be the teacher. Thats also made obvious by our current lack of teacher, him being the only adult in the room. What was that yellow thing though?

"Hello, Im shota aizawa, your teacher."

Yes, you knew that. However, it seems everyone surrounding you was taken aback by this. All simotaneously gasping at his statement.

"Right, lets get to it, put these on and head outside" he held up a p.e. uniform, clear enough instruction.

So students shuffled around to grab uniforms and head to bathrooms til we all made it outside.

"What!? A quirk assesment test!?" The whole class question, too loudly for your liking.

However you did question on the inside. It would make sense your teacher wanted to scope your abilities now, that way progress could be measurable. It would also help him know what he is working with.

A squeaky voiced girl worried about missing orientation, but you were dreaming that anyway. You wanted to be a hero, and it wasnt allowed to use your quirk elsewhere. So this was possibly the best start to the day.

"You've been taking standardized tests most of your lives, but you never got to use your quirk before."

Bold of him to assume. You hadn't actually learned that cheating was bad until the age of 10 so, until then, you used your quirk for everything. Cheating tests included, but it would be fun to see how this played out.

The faces around you were all focused and stiff, ready for whatever task this would present. The dual haired boy being amongst those stiff faces, but his seemed almost bored. He didn't really act like he wanted to be her at all.

That made you mad, why even come if you don't wanna be here? Its so hard to get in here, and there were other people like you out there, who have wanted this since they were born. He would waste a spot just so he could be bored?

"Bakugou, you managed to get the most points on the entrance exam," Mr.Aizawa adresses that boy you were worried about.

You remembered his face, how he was beating you so fluidly the whole time. However, if he scored highest, your only one rank below him. Hope he is a strong competidor for first, so it'll be all the more glorifying when you take that spot from under him.

"What was your furthest throw with a softball, when you were in junior high?"

"67 meters i think..."

"Right. Try doing it with your quirk. "

"Anything goes, just stay in the circle. Go on, your wasteing our time."

"Alright man, you asked for it.." He stretched his arms, confidence written all over his face.

What a fun rival, if only you could actually speak with him. If this is what all of you will have to do, not sure how succecful you can be. You quirk is awesome for sparring and combat, but throwing a ball? Your gonna have to figure that one out quick, before you start of the year with a bad grade.

The blonde swung his arm back, and around in a baseball pitch motion. Then as he release it, some sort of explosion emmited from his hand. Softball no where to be seen, you glanced around at my fellow students. Shock, especially the green haired boy, they were all shocked.

You wanted to be shocked, but you were aware of his power, he really didn't go all out in the entrance exam at all. This blasting was way stronger than what you saw him using on robots.

Yet, you werent shocked, you were impressed, excited, thrilled to have other strong quirks around.

You had to know everyones quirks as soon as possible, you had to make friends. This is why you came here, to be a hero. So when you glanced to your side, at the scar boy with a stone face, another thing was added to your list.

You were gonna get him to want to talk to you.

#todoroki x reader #todoroki fluff #shoto torodoki #todoroki shoto x reader #mha todoroki #mha bakugou #mha deku #mha fanfiction #mha fluff #momo yaoyozoru #momo x reader

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