#peak criminal minds tumblr

[truegenius]

thoroughly missing 2020 cmblr right now

[mun-urufu]

i still have no idea wha the fuck happened

Intro post ig

i have an alt account for when i reach post limit now: @munurufu

if u dont mind getting free media and software i checked personaly:

x-marks-the-spot-pi.vercel.app (no ads apart from the download site where its wild get a good adblocker before downloading and be wary of redirects)

Pansexual; Transfem; Non-binary; Furry

@the-principality-of-sealand made me a vampire

YOU ROBBED ME OF GARLIC BREAD

INTP :3

I may be anarchist

chemistry and astrophysics and theoretical physics are what I geek out about

gender according to @griffinmcelroyspisskink-remade :

cryptid [REDACTED] nerd

Pronouns: any/all but prefer she/her and they/them

my other blog(s):

blahaj.zone = @munurufu

that’s it (for now) I SHALL SPREAD LIKE THE PESTILENCE

currently a triggering with bad mental health and a not good family but trying to remain positive and healing myself almost daily on Tumblr

porn blogs; porn bots; pedophiles; anyone who hits on me ina weird pedophilic way DO NOT INTERACT OE I WILL BONK YOU I TO THE ETERNAL BAN AND REPORT YOU TO THE GODS OF THIS GODLESS UNIVERSE

Trigger warnings:

none, I’m friendly and welcoming to all people and minorities and try to avoid anything which could hurt someone, if a post might be not good for someone (trauma, violence etc. NEVER ANYTHING RACIST OR OF SIMILIARITY) I’ll flag it. currently a high chance that I’ll have a breakdown, life’s not been well but I will tag those posts appropriately.

Nationality: Slovakian 🇸🇰 (I’m a mountain person :3)

Fandoms I’m in:

Urban Legends (Backrooms; SCP-foundation) Norse mythology Cryptids D&D; Furry; Genshin; HSR; Wuthering; Harry Potter (fuck JK Rowling I’m here for the fanfics) Doctor Who; Frieren; Tokyo Ghoul; Hermitcraft; there’s more but I’m stupid and can’t remember them

Anime recommendations:

Frieren, Tokyo Ghoul, Konosuba, Fairy Tail, some other ones idk

Videogams I’ll play with u if u ask nicely and I have time:

Minecraft, Genshin, Honkai Star Rail, Wuthering Waves, Rocket League, Apex Legends

Minecraft rp Server:

TimeSkipSMP (basically people from different time periods get somehow into the same world with no recollection of their previous memories other than their occupation. Send as ask if u want to join (24/7 server uptime) I’ll send an invite to the discord server where you’ll get all the needed info and a guide on how to make your character. Cureent characters:

15th Century French Plague Doctor

Medieval Beekeeper

Medieval Flower salesman and famer

17th Century pirate/swashbuckler

Current inventory:

Big Blåhaj from @tunderpal

Estrogen

the Heebi Jeebies

Longbow

64 arrows

Mundane short sword

Whisper Talisman (Rare)

Description:

This item has been blessed by a monk long ago who lived on the peak of Mount Hua. This will protect you from wind element attacks and will reduce knockback by 85%

Dopamine

about fuckingn time

ENJOY YOUR STAY ❤️

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Moots who wish not to be tagged :(

@uwathebestgirl

[takamiyaki]

"I'll see you at home..." Hawks x Reader (FLUFFY WUFFY)

(This is my very first oneshot and I'm a bit nervous and I barely know how to use tumblr LOL

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As one can imagine, dating a Pro Hero can definitely have it's own perks and downsides. Especially when it comes to everyone's favorite winged hero.

With Hawks being so popular and busy with work, he's always coming home late which leaves the two of you with limited time together during the evenings. While you being able to work from home and Keigo barely being home gives you the luxury of shamelessly blowing up the toilet, it does get lonely ever so often.

Your days are normally just you being glued to the screen of your computer after you and Keigo have breakfast together. You wish the two of you could have breakfast together more often but with the work he does, it's only once every two or three weeks.

6:57 AM

"I have a surprise for you tonight." Keigo said with a smirk on his face. "A surprise??" Knowing Keigo, this "surprise" he's talking about is probably just him bringing back a bucket of half eaten fried chicken.

"You'll just have to wait till I get home. I have to run now but thanks for cooking babe, I love you and I'll see you at home tonight." Keigo gave you a quick peck on your forehead and your lips before he grabbed one last bite of the omelet left laying on his plate.

"I love you too. It better not be another "new" fried chicken spot. That fried stuff is so unhealthy for you bird brain! You better come back in one piece." You said, in between his quick kisses. Before you knew it, he was out the door.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

8:24PM

You just finished wrapping up a project with your teammates on Zoom. Around this time is when you're getting ready to shower and it's also when you shoot your normal 'Are you safe?' 'When are you coming home baby?' texts to Hawks.

After taking a much needed "everything" shower, you packed up some dinner for Keigo and left it in the kitchen with a note that said 'Don't burn down the apartment trying to reheat this' . It was very rare for Keigo to come back on time for dinner so this part of your night wasn't anything out of the ordinary.

Just as you got settled down into bed, the door to your apartment swung open.

'That's weird? It can't be him, it's only 8PM???'

You get out of bed with nothing but a fucking metal water bottle to use for your defense in the off chance that this was a villain targeting people that Hawks holds dear to his heart.

As you crept around the corner, your heart was pounding out of your chest. Only the bad could fill your mind with horrible thoughts 'What if it's a villain?' 'Why couldn't he just install the cameras when I asked him to?' 'Wtf is a water bottle going to do against whatever quirk this criminal has?' Before your negative thoughts could fully consume you, you were met with his familiar and comforting voice.

"Heyo!- Oh, how'd you know I would be thirsty? haha" Keigo said, while clearly mocking you. A sigh of relief left your system.

"Jesus! You scared me babe. I thought you were some rando!!! What are you doing home so early honey?" You scolded him while embracing him into a much needed hug.

"Well, I did tell you that I'd have a surprise waiting for you tonight, so surprise!! It's me." ( You can just imagine that stupid smirk he has on his face when he said this )

"You scared the shit out of me, is this why you didn't respond to my messages?"

"I wanted to mess with you a bit so that the surprise could be at it's peak. Sorry for scaring you baby."

Still holding onto Keigo, you started to smell something. Almost a mixture of a musty chicken shop. Without realizing it, you started sniffing your man. With no surprise to you, the smell was coming from HIM.

"Honey, I love you so much and I'm really happy that you're home early but maybe you should hit the showe- WHY IS THERE ANOTHER BAG OF FRIED CHICKEN WITH YOU??!"

"Surprise?..." He responded to you in such a pathetic tone. "Do I really smell that bad??" He took a whiff of himself then he met your eyes, trying to hold back tears from the smell of his sweat from throughout the day.

"Go shower so we can finally go to bed together." You gave him a peck on his cheek before he walked away dramatically acting like a hurt bird.

After Keigo finished his shower, he eagerly began to disturb your peace. I guess him seeing you so comfy in bed while watching a movie was too good for him to pass up. Just like a dog, he excitedly jumped onto you and started rolling around while messing up the sheets.

"Ugh, I need to do this more. I keep taking my bed for granted, it smells so good in here."

He rolled over and settled his head right onto your chest while looking up to you to see if you were getting annoyed with him yet. Not giving into what he wants, you smiled at him and gave him a few kisses on his forehead while combing through his semi wet hair with your hand.

"I missed you so much today my love, how about we get a cat? You're always leaving me alone at home and it'd be nice to add a new addition to our family."

Keigo got all pouty, clearly feeling bad about him being so busy. You understood why he was busy and he knew it too. He appreciated how you never pestered him about the way he balances his time for you. He loved how independent you are but part of him wishes that you could just relax and fall back on him but with his occupation, it makes things much more difficult.

"A cat?? I'll get you whatever you want but a cat? Let's put a pin in this conversation and just cuddle up. I missed you too honey."

He's clearly disgusted with the idea of getting a cat but I guess it probably has something to do with him being a bird brain. I'll definitely win him over tomorrow.

You started to drift off to sleep and Keigo noticed. He sent his feathers to turn off the TV and shut the door and lights.

"I love you so much honey, but I don't know about getting a kitty." He whispered to you as he brushed your hair out of your face.

"Goodnight, I love you" With one last peck on your forehead, he tucked you into bed and he got some much needed rest next to your snoring body.

[theflowerrooms]

His Game • Chapter Two • chapter one here

Angel

Dark!Spencer Reid x gn!Reader, kidnapping fic, no use of yn

Chapter warnings; mentions of kidnapping, drugging and murder, Dark!Spencer

Chapter summary; You’ve woken up in a strange room, no real idea how you’ve gotten there, you know you’ve been drugged, you know you’ve been taken, and you know you’re scared.

Word count: 3.6k please ignore tumblr repeating paragraphs against my will

You opened your eyes, gasping sharply when noticing that this wasn't your bed, it wasn't your room. This room was painted with soft, dark green walls, warm lighting all throughout, dark wood floors. This wasn't your room.

The bed you were on was covered with the softest bedspread, pristine white and gorgeous. Somewhere in the back of your mind you made a joke about how quickly white bedsheets would be ruined, but your heart and mind were racing far too fast for you to pay any mind to it.

The bed you were on was covered with the softest bedspread, pristine white and gorgeous. Somewhere in the back of your mind you made a joke about how quickly white bedsheets would be ruined, but your heart and mind were racing far too fast for you to pay any mind to it.

The floor was cold when you stepped on it, your shoes were gone. You clutched your hand against your chest, heart pounding against the fabric of your shirt. You noticed afterward your shoes weren't really gone, they were placed at the foot of the bed you'd woken up on.

You looked around the room once more, there were two large, spruce wardrobes on the far wall, with a full body mirror in between them, against the next wall was the criminally comfortable bed, with two nightstands, across from the bed was a bathroom that looked just as pretty as the bedroom, a glass standing shower and a large vanity sink were what you could see from where you stood. Then next to you, was a spruce desk and a wooden chair with floral fabric on the seat that complimented the green of the walls.

You looked around the room once more, there were two large, spruce wardrobes on the far wall, with a full body mirror in between them, against the next wall was the criminally comfortable bed, with two nightstands, across from the bed was a bathroom that looked just as pretty as the bedroom, a glass standing shower and a large vanity sink were what you could see from where you stood. Then next to you, was a spruce desk and a wooden chair with floral fabric on the seat that complimented the green of the walls.

Then a door that was open a crack, it was tall, black with a gold plated handle. You looked behind you in the room once more, staring at the mirror across the floor. You didn't look at sickly as you felt, you still had all of your work clothes on, and your hair was let down from the ponytail you'd had it in. You didn't remember doing that.

You didn't remember much. You remembered getting dizzy, and your vision fading. You were drugged, kidnapped, you wanted to throw up. Before you'd started at the BAU, Derek talked to you about the risks, told you how he'd been kidnapped, Jj too, and Spencer and Emily. While you knew it could happen to you, you never thought it would. Nothing ever happens to you until it does.

You didn't want to chance just barging into whatever area the door was connected to, so you peaked out through the crack in the door. The room was empty, as far as you could see, so you walked slowly into it.

It was a living space sort of room, tall green walls again, with bookshelves that went all the way up to the ceilings on one wall, three brown love seats that looked both brand new and well used at the same time. On the wall opposite the bookshelves, a brick fireplace that wasn't lit, and didn't look like it had ever been, and finally, a small kitchenette in the corner of the room.

Your hands were shaking at your sides. Were you in somebody's house? It didn't look like it, there were no windows, no personal items. It seemed like this place was underground.

Shuffling over to the wall furthest from the bedroom, you confirmed your suspicions. The wall and the space behind it sounded dull quiet when you knocked on it, indicating that there wasn't anything but ground on the other side of the wall.

You'd been drugged, kidnapped, and then kept in some isolated, underground living space that was way too nice to really be nice. You felt sick.

There was one last door, it was metal, had maybe seven or eight locks on it that you had no way to unlock. Whoever took you was going to come back, you needed to find a way out. Find a way to get out, or wait for the team to find you, you knew they'd be looking for you the second you turned up missing.

How long have you actually been gone? You had no idea. There was no way to tell how long you were knocked out, how many times you'd been knocked out that you couldn't remember, there were no windows to see whether it was night or day. This felt awful.

You spent what genuinely felt like an hour just looking for an escape, you figured there wasn't any way out aside from the metal door since you were underground. The bookshelves were built into the walls, there was nothing under the bed, nothing under or behind the wardrobes.

Standing in the middle of the bedroom, close to tears, you heard footsteps, sounding like they were walking down stairs, just outside of the metal door, then you heard the first lock click open.

You contemplated hiding, under the bed or inside a closet would've been too obvious, and you couldn't imagine anywhere in the bathroom would hide you well. Besides, your kidnapper obviously knew you were here, they put you here. It would be better to rush them, look them in the eyes and fight. You quickly walked back into the main room, they'd open the door soon, you knew. It only took you a few seconds to grab the first object that could be used as a weapon, a fire poker, solid choice.

The second the door creaked open, and you saw Spencer, you dropped your weapon and ran across the room to him, heart pounding, you wrapped your arms around his waist and buried your face in his chest, tears of relief escaping your eyes and dampening his shirt, he didn't hesitate to hold you close to him, one hand cupping the back of your head and the other gently stroking your back.

"Thank god you- I- god I was so scared." You let out a long breath, inhaling deep to calm yourself, breathing in the smell of the room, it was sweet and warm smelling, like Spencer, coffee, peppermint and vanilla. Suddenly you felt sick to your stomach and panicked all over again. You pulled back to look at him.

"Spencer?" Your voice shook with the weight of bile creeping up your throat, you looked behind him then back at him. "Where are they- where are-" your voice cracked and you stepped back from his warm hold. You couldn't look in his eyes so you stared at his chest. He should be wearing a vest. He isn't.

You forced yourself to look at him, he looked pitiful, so so sad. You imagined you looked much the same, you hated the idea of it, you couldn't let yourself believe what you knew was true.

"I am so so sorry." His voice was so soft and gentle and you wanted to trust it, wanted to wrap yourself it in but you wouldn't. Couldn't. "Nobody else is ever going to come here for you." He looked down at you with such guilt and pity you wanted to punch him and let him hold you again at the same time but there was no way you were allowing him to touch you again.

You couldn't get any words out, you were just so close to breaking. He took a step forward and you took one back, he looked at you like you just slapped him. Unbelievable.

"You should sit down." He nodded toward the couch but you did not move. He looked down at you still, his face was soft but there were so many emotions behind his eyes that you couldn't read. Spencer always seemed so easy to read to you, but now you were lost. You wondered if it was all a front before, if Spencer was just acting every day at work.

"You should sit down, we should talk- you probably have a lot of questions." He took another step closer to you and instead of backing up you looked him in the eye and stood your ground.

"Talk? Spencer- you must have been pretending to be a genius because if you think I'm going to be willing to talk to you- you're the biggest fucking idiot ever." You wanted to sound mad, you were mad, you think. Instead your voice shook and your lips quivered and your legs felt weak.

He tilted his head at you, he didn't speak, just looked down at you with such a comforting expression that only made you feel small and confused.

One more step, he got closer to you and broke, crying louder than you'd ever heard yourself cry before. Your already weak knees buckled and you dropped, but before your knees hit the ground, Spencer caught you in his arms, kneeling in front of you as you sagged against him, wailing.

You wanted to fight him off of you, hurt him for even thinking he had any right to go near you, but you didn't fight, you had no idea why. You were leaning into him, allowing him to hold you as you cried.

  Time passed, you had no idea how long you cried, how loud you cried. Spencer's ears were probably ringing, you couldn't find it in yourself to care, it was his fault anyway.

  Eventually, your horrifying sobs turned into hoarse whimpers, your eyes were burning, your body had run out of tears. Spencer's arms tightened around you just slightly, he helped you stand and walked you over to a love seat, sitting down on it with you, keeping his arms around you as you leaned against him, shoulders shaking gently.

  When you were done crying, you physically couldn't anymore, you looked up at him, he looked at you the same as before, soft and sweet. It didn't take long for you to shove yourself away from him, backing up on the couch until your back was pressed firmly against the armrest across from him. He even inched back a bit, giving you some more space which you appreciated.

  "You're confused, ask me any questions you need to ask." Spencer spoke quietly, like you were a frightened mouse and he were trying not to spook you. Confused was an understatement, you were confused, sad, exhausted, scared.

  The burning in your throat made it hard to speak. "Why?" You croaked, you barely recognized your own voice, so small and broken, scratchy from crying so hard.

  "Why did I bring you here?" Spencer asked, you wanted to roll your eyes, why else? You nodded your head. "Because- because you're mine." He answered you like you were stupid to even ask in the first place. As if it were obvious that you're 'his'.

  "I'm yours?" You questioned, maybe if you could understand him better, you'd figure out a way out of here sooner.

  "Of course you're mine angel." He sighed softly, you almost flinched at the petname. angel. "I love you, and you'll love me eventually, we're meant to be, you don't understand, you're mine. Already mine. I needed to take you."

  You nearly shuddered but instead you managed to stay still, you didn’t want him to be able to profile you, even though you know he could. He loves you? Does he really? Or does he just think he does?  Spencer was so smart, you figured he'd understand his emotions well enough, but now you were beginning to rethink everything you knew about Spencer- everything you thought you knew. You never would've pegged him as a delusional kidnapper.

  "What about- how long have I been here?" There was no telling what time it was, you could guess it hadn't been too long, you weren't too dehydrated or anything.

  "5 hours, nobody knows you've left your apartment." He explained. You paid attention to his wording. 'you've left your apartment' rather than 'you've been taken'.

  "God- what about- what about the team- what about Derek?" Your voice shook, the thought of Derek finding out you'd been kidnapped? You felt sick to your stomach, Derek was family, he'd be broken.

  Immediately you noticed that Spencer's demeanour changed, the second Derek's name left your mouth.

  "You do not need to worry about him, I'm not going to allow him- or anyone else to take you from me." Spencer raised his voice, just slightly, enough to alert you. "I will kill them before I let them take you."

  That shook you, you felt sick. It triggered your next question, "Are you going to kill me?" You made eye contact this time, if he was going to kill you, he'd have to look you in the eye. 

  He didn't take any time to answer you, he looked appalled. "Of course I'm not going to kill you, angel." He shook his head, "I could never even hurt you." And you weren't sure you could believe him. You wondered if he understood that killing Derek would hurt you.

  "Have you killed anyone?" You needed to understand how dangerous Spencer was, it seemed as though he wasn't going to be a serious danger to you, but then again you weren't sure you could take his word. He did kidnap you after all.

  "That's not something you have to worry about right now." He spoke firmly and you took it as him admitting that he had infact killed people, you felt awful.

  And suddenly, you felt a whole lot worse. "Milo- my cat, did you- did you kill him?" You nearly started to cry again, you felt like throwing up. But Spencer quickly began to shake his head, placing his hand gently on your knee and you were too nervous to push it off.

  "I didn't kill him, why would I? That doesn't serve any purpose to us he- I left your door and one of your windows open so it will look like he got out, but I- he's safe. He's in my apartment." Spencer explained, looking sympathetic again as a result of your worried state. "I have, I-" He cleared his throat. "I have killed people before, only when it's necessary."

  You wondered what he determined "necessary" meant.

  "Were you close with your neighbour? The one directly across the hall from your apartment." he asked you, he looked guilty again. You shook your head, tears slipping from your eyes again, you figured you knew exactly why he asked, you knew what happened. Spencer killed your neighbour.

  "I'm sorry." You didn't believe his apology. "I needed to angel, he saw you with me he- he would've called the police. And then I would have had to kill so many people. He was a sacrifice, many more lives would have had to be taken if I didn't kill him first." He was full of shit you figured. You felt so sick. You couldn't allow yourself to think about your neighbour who was dead now because of you. You would throw up, break again, you didn't need that, you had to hold whatever pieces of yourself that remained together.

  "Milo, can he come here? Can you bring him here?" You inquired, lip wobbling again. The thought of being without him scared you, and the thought of him being alone with Spencer scared you even more.

  "Absolutely I can. After you do something for me." He negotiated. He didn't deserve any favours from you, but you listened anyway. "I'll bring Milo here for you if you eat something, drink some water. You haven't eaten in a while and you've been crying a lot. Your body's going to need fuel."

  You knew he was right, now that you thought about it you really were starving, and your mouth and throat were so dry, food and water sounded great. "Are- are you going to drug me again?" You stuttered.

  "Why would I drug you again? I've already got you here angel." His words made you shudder, but they made enough sense. You watched him stand up from the couch and walk over toward the kitchenette, you watched him pull a take out container from the refrigerator and move the food inside onto a plate before he microwaved it. It was the same thing you always got from your favourite diner three streets away from your building. You figured he'd been watching you, his were the eyes you'd felt.

  While waiting for the food to heat up, Spencer got a glass with a gold rim, filling it with ice water. When he brought it over to you, you contemplated taking it, throwing the drink in his face and breaking the glass on the cold hardwood floor, or maybe just throw the glass itself at him. But really, you were too tired, so exhausted, and so thirsty.

  The glass was cold in your hands but you didn't mind it, you took one quick sip, and then another, and soon you downed the glass quickly, not realizing just how dehydrated you were until you had gotten something to drink.

  "Thank you." You whispered meekly, handing the glass back to Spencer, he smiled down at you and you caught a glimpse of the man you thought you knew before. Maybe it wasn’t all an act.

  "I'll get you another glass." He mumbled quietly, you appreciated it. You kept your eyes on Spencer as he walked into the kitchen, refilling the glass and grabbing the food from the microwave. He came over to you and placed the glass and plate on the coffee table, then pushed the table closer to the sofa so you wouldn't have to move, you appreciated that as well.

  Spencer sat on a separate love seat, giving you space as you ate which was nice. The food was delicious, it always was when you got it from that specific diner. You hated that Spencer was watching you, stalking you, but at least you were eating food you liked right now.

  Spencer sat with you until you were finished. "Thank you." You whispered. He smiled once more at you and took the plate and glass, walking over to the kitchen sink and beginning to wash them.

  Not moving off of the couch, you watched him. You examined his clothes, the same ones he wore earlier that day at work, you wondered if you'd ever be able to go back to that job, or back to your normal life for that matter. His hair was messier than usual, it was usually slightly unkempt, it was nice, right now it looked like he'd been running his hands through his hair all day, something you noticed before that he would do when he's stressed out. You figured being a kidnapper/murderer combo must be pretty stressful.

  When he was finished, he flicked the water off of his hands into the sink and dried them on a tea towel. Eventually coming back to you. He stood tall, towering over from where you sat, you wondered if that was a deliberate attempt to assert power over you. You weren't sure if it was working or not.

  "You have to get some rest angel, you need some good sleep." He spoke softly, you agreed. "I can sleep here with you, or I can go home and-"

  "Go home." You cut him off. You wouldn't allow to him to sleep here with you. Or be anywhere near you while you slept. You expected him to get mad at you, he didn't, he just nodded his head, pressing his lips together. You recognized that he looked dejected, but not angry.

“You’re still in your work clothes, I brought some things from your apartment, more comfortable clothes, you’ll find them in your room.” He nodded his head toward the bedroom door.

“Thank you.” Your voice was barely audible but he heard you and nodded his head.

Your legs were still shaky, still weak feeling. You got up from the couch so slowly, walked to the bedroom slowly, closing the door behind you. The floor was still freezing against your feet as you walked over to the wardrobe closest to the bathroom, sure enough finding comfortable clothes inside. You picked out pajama shorts and a shirt that was just too big for you.

Somehow, Spencer could be watching, if he was a murderer and a kidnapper, you wouldn’t put it past him to be a pervert as well. For that reason, you sat on the floor beside the bed, where you were hidden from the door, and got dressed there.

You weren’t sure what to do with the worn clothes you held in your hands. A knock on the door startled you, making you jump. “Yes?” You croaked, and he opened the door slightly, not looking inside to provide you privacy. “I’m- I’m done getting dressed.” With that he opened the door more, stepping in the room just slightly, spotting the clothes in your hands, he reached out his own to take them.

“I’ll bring them back washed.” he offered and you nodded, handing them to him, flinching slightly as his hand brushed yours, he noticed, you knew he did. “I’ll bring Milo here tomorrow, is there anything else you need?” He asked you, but the cold floor on your feet was distracting you from his words.

“Yes, um, slippers. Please.” You chewed your lip, staring up at him, crossing your arms over your stomach in an unintentional attempt to hide yourself from him.

“Of course. Goodnight, angel.” He sighed before turning around and leaving the bedroom, closing the door behind him. You stood there, staring at the door until you heard the large metal door to the exit open, close, and lock behind him.

You kept the lights on, crawling into the bed, sighing at how comfortable you forgot it was, laying on your stomach under the covers. You fell asleep much sooner than you thought you would.

Thank you for reading! <3

Taglist: @tuesday-yellowxx @niyahwhoreworld @wilcherwatchers

To be added to the taglist just let me know!

[blossoms-phan]

hi friends! since it’s been 3 months I thought I’d do a little updated about me :p

you can call me blossoms! 🌸 comes from the url obviously which I decided on in seconds when sitting in the middle of my bed making this blog at 3am bc I love dan and phil and cherry blossoms/japan/japhan etc etc

(as a side note I don’t share a lot of personally identifying info on here for a lot of reasons, don’t wanna be found out + professional reasons and tumblr is a great platform for having being a phannie as my main identity but I will occasionally overshare in the tags or random posts. for the most vague details I’m canadian and a poc ig? if you want to be friends or discuss anything in more detail im happy to share in dms just not in the general void lol)

some past fandoms I’ve been a part of tumblr or otherwise: avengers/marvel (this was in the peak in like 2016 and I followed it probably up until 2020 but dgaf anymore soz), marvel’s daredevil (their best show still love it), one direction/harry styles (harry was prob my biggest interest/fandom I was heavily involved in until like 2022 ish, i followed a bunch of accounts on my other blog and fan pages, went to his first solo tour in 2018, basically followed his every move- ik he’s not some underground artist but I lost interest when he kinda boomed and became SUPER popular I miss the early days of his solo era lol but still like his music), criminal minds, I think those are the main ones obv I lurk anytime I have a special interest lol

artists I like: twenty one pilots, arctic monkeys, the 1975, hozier, frank ocean, bad suns, muse, sufjan stevens, lana del rey, wallows, ed sheeran, lorde, zayn/hs/niall horan, paramore, the smiths, 5sos, kendrick lamar, fka twigs, fleetwood mac (this is off the top of my head just main ones ig there’s lots of other artists with specific songs I like and I also listen to my playlists from middle school often with p!atd and fob just the older stuff tho)

fave tv: derry girls, criminal minds, the office, gilmore girls, brooklyn 99, community, freaks and geeks, gossip girl, new girl, the end of the fucking world (short but a personal fave), fleabag, mindhunter- I like basic nbc sitcoms ok what can I say but currently watching Buffy and there’s lots of things on my watchlist like twin peaks I just never have time (aka always watching YouTube/dnp)

i like to think of myself as a cinephile when I really don’t watch as many movies as I’d like to bc of the same reasons listed above but I keep up with what’s happening in the film world and yeah some of my faves include: little women, sing street, before sunrise, aftersun, clueless, call me by your name, the perks of being a wallflower, big hero 6, la la land, zodiac, the social network, scream, the batman, bones and all, knives out, hp/twilight series

random interests: the scream franchise/saw/horror, until dawn (the game), youtube video essays, true crime content/criminology (in the most respectful way I promise I studied it and mean like actual data and researched podcasts not the weirdos that idolize certain people cough cough), perfumes/cosmetics, art, fashion, baking/food in gen, journaling, pinterest, reading (literary fiction/mystery/some ya)

idk what you were expecting this is literally all media but we’re all media consumers here lmao and I thought this might be a fun way to connect with other phannies if we share similar interests outside of dnp :3

[grecoromanyaoi]

mandy patinkin is PEAK HOT in yentl which pisses me off bc reading abt his behavior on set for that movie will make u want to rip him apart with meat hooks. 🙄🙄🙄 he apologized to barbra and they seem to be good now tho. in conclusion, smash while shaking my head to show my disdain

im gonna b honest n i may lose my ashkenazi card but i havent even seen yentl yet... but from the gifs ive seen on tumblr yeah he was insanely hot in it. didnt know abt anything he did on set either :^( glad theyre good now tho. also im gonna b controversial (n completely in character bc u know how i am abt older men) n say hes rly hot in criminal minds as well... that episode where a 20-30smth y/o character told him 'if i wasnt a lesbian id pounce on u'... so real

[shrinkthisviolet]

12, 14, 16, & 18 for the choose violence ask game. 🔥

I'll answer these for the Flash!

12: the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

To take a cue from you: Kamilla! She’s incredibly underrated, which I don’t think is very fair. She’s clever, she has an incredibly unique talent, she adds something special to the Team (not that she’s part of it as a regular per se, but when she’s around them, she adds something unique), and she’s just super fun to watch tbh (and ofc she and Cisco are wonderful together 💞 I wish the show agreed and would give them more screentime and development)

14: that one thing you see in fics all the time

Admittedly I stay out of the main fandom tag for my own sanity 😅 I do notice after a cursory glance through the main fandom tag how often Barry is shipped with Snart and Oliver (and Caitlin, but that’s a whole other can of worms), but that’s about all I can say to answer this.

16: you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

Savitar the way he’s written in canon ✋ I’ve talked about him at length before, but to put it briefly, he’s a villain with incoherent motives, a failed Zoom knockoff, only interesting in 3x22 and 3x23, and by that point, there’s not enough time left to actually dig into WHY he’s interesting (the whole “dark side of Barry” thing!!). Oh, and also his scar serves no purpose except to mark him as “evil” (ableism anyone?), and he dies in an incredibly lame way. I will never understand why fans on TikTok and YT absolutely lose their minds over him and call him a “peak villain.” No he isn’t!!

18: it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on…

Barriscowest! They're basically canon guys they're right there especially in s4. Look at them!! Look at how almost-canon they are!!)

On that note: Snowestallen is also slept on! Too many people wasted time (and still do, outside of Tumblr) arguing “SB or WA”, and not enough people said “how about both” and I find that a missed opportunity ✋ they're not as almost-canon as Barriscowest, but there's potential here!

(Or at least Snowest like…come on guys)

choose violence ask game!

[babygirlpoll]

The Babygirl Bracket

the bracket has finally arrived. it's a little awkward looking and doesn't work perfectly but i'm a tumblr blog i'm not putting that much effort in. thank you to everyone who made a submission!!

Round 1 voting will start some time later tomorrow (Monday May 1st)

List of match ups under the cut

Left side

Yennefer (The Witcher) vs Fox Mulder (X files)

Neptune (the actual planet) vs Tim Wright (Marble Hornets)

Victor Frankenstein vs James (Pokémon)

James Flint (Black Sails) vs Wonder Woman (DC)

Shawn Spencer (Psych) vs Cassian Andor (Star wars)

Shane (Stardew Valley) vs Daud (Dishonored)

Enderman (minecraft) vs Ethan Winters (Resident Evil)

Robin Buckley (Stranger things) vs Eleanor Shellstrop (the good place)

Peter B Parker (into the spiderverse) vs Max Brinly (the quarry)

Thorin Oakenshield (lord of the rings) vs Milo Thatch (atlantis)

Mr Krabs (spongebob) vs Ken (Barbie)

Miles Edgeworth (Ace Attorney) vs Erik (phantom of the opera)

Right side

Heinz Doofenshmirtz (Phineas and ferb) vs Crowley (good omens)

Hank Anderson (detroit become human) vs greg house (house md)

diego hargreeves (the umbrella academy) vs will graham (hannibal)

ford pines (gravity falls) vs dale Cooper (twin peaks)

aaron hotchner (criminal minds) vs ash williams (evil dead)

clark kent (DC) vs Roman roy (succession)

obi-wan kenobi (star wars) vs father paul hill (midnight mass)

the narrator (the stanley parable) vs james wilson (house md)

kristoff (frozen) vs kermit the frog (the muppets)

simon ghost riley (call of duty) vs waluigi (mario)

jimmy palmer (ncis) vs herbert west (reanimator)

yusuf al-kaysani (the old guard) vs richie tozier (IT)

[dont-mind-if-i-slytherin]

RP list

Thought I would update my fandom and RP list. I mainly RP on discord but will do tumblr if needed. I tend to have nsfw themes so over 18's only please.

I also love a good oc x oc plot, so if none of the pairings take your fancy still message because I'm down for literally 99.9 percent of things. Only got a couple of hard no-nos

Bold are who I play, some I will be comfortable playing either.

Either like this post or send me a dm if you're interested.

Shameless

Ian x Mickey (I can play both but I'm more experienced playing Mickey)

Lip X OC (a milkovich cousin, you know gallaghers and Milkovich are peak pairings.)

Red white and royal blue

Henry x Alex (can play either just prefer playing Henry)

Sex education

Eric x Adam

Death Note

L x Light (will play either)

Shadowhunters

Alec x Magnus (can play both)

Our Flag Means death

Black Pete x Lucius

Once upon a time

Emma x Killian (will play either)

Harry Potter

Remus x Sirius (can play both)

Fred x Hermione

Harry x Ginny

Draco x OC

OC x OC

Sex Wizards

Olbriec x Dom

Arlon x Dom

Oc x OC

Star wars

Cal x Merrin

OC x OC

Marvel

Spiderman x Deadpool.

Makkari x Druig (will play either)

Inception

Arthur x Ariadne

Eames x Arthur

Merlin (bbc)

Arthur x Merlin

Glee

Blaine x Kurt (again, will play both)

Roswell New Mexico

Alex x Michael (will play either)

Game of Thrones

Gendry x Ayra

Last of Us

Frank x Bill

Queer as Folk

Brian x Justin

Criminal Minds

Spencer X OC

Hotch X Emily

Morgan x Penelope

Hunger Games

Finnick x Annie

Haymitch x Effie (play either)

Descendants (think this is a little obvious on who my favourite character is)

Mal x Harry

Jay x Harry

Jay x Carlos

Uma x Harry

[jennahbreakers]

Request Challenge (Ao3)

I am moving my Ao3 Request Series to Tumblr and Patreon (early access and first picks). If you are not familiar with the request challenges I do on Ao3, under the name TheOriginalSinner888, it is simple. I post the challenge, how many requests I am accepting, and you comment your request (including your Ao3 account name if you want a shoutout) by the deadline date posted and I pick randomly which ones I fulfill. As long as they fall within the rules and regulations, they have a chance of getting picked.

Since this is a new platform for receiving the requests, things are going to work just a little differently. I will be posting the challenge to tumblr and patreon and publicizing them on my other social medias. But I will only be picking from the comments to my patreon and tumblr, not Instagram or TikTok.

I will also be accepting extra requests this time over a longer time period. I am still working on larger projects, but doing this helps keep my creative juices flowing when writer block hits me. And I also love doing this series for my readers.

I will be doing six requests to be chosen and fulfilled by February 2023. I will be randomly selecting these requests from comments on this challenge posted on my patreon and tumblr. The deadline will be December 10, 2023, since this is a new platform and I want everyone to have a chance to get their request in. I will then take the rest of December to choose and write and be posting the one-shots over January and early February.

Here are the rules to keep in mind;

Readers may request anything within fandoms I have already written for or from the pre-approved list I’ve added to the series notes.

I will be selecting six requests completely randomly from comments on the challenge post found on my patreon and tumblr, submitted by December 10, 2023.

I will not accept any request that includes overly gross concepts–in my opinion and wheelhouse, no shaming–including snuff, piss, feces, lyrics, diapers, 9/11 etc. I reserve the right to use my own discretion if I’m not comfortable with something put in front of me.

Readers can request gifs or no gifs. But I’ll only use gifs if I can find the appropriate ones that fit the world of the story. I like to avoid using images that plainly show the faces of the models.

Every request will only be a oneshot. No multi-chapter stories will be accepted on this challenge.

Pre-approved Fandoms; Original Works, Harry Potter, Twilight, Teen Wolf, MCU, Criminal Minds (S1-9), Covenant, Mandalorian (but not Star Wars), Batman, Fairy Tales, X-Men, Disney movies, Supernatural (S1-5), Prodigal Son, The Mummy, IT, Firefly, Scream (Movies and TV (but not third season)), Final Destination, Classic movie monsters (Frankenstein, Wolfman etc), Beauty and the Beast, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Wizard of Oz, Uncharted, Horizon Zero Dawn, God of War, Bioshock, Pirates of the Caribbean, Jurassic Park, The Suicide Squad, From Dusk Till Dawn, Merlin (TV Series), Charmed (OG), Grimm (TV), Night Shift, MoonKnight, Chronicles of Narnia, TBA.

Pre-approved tags; anything I've already written, Futanari, Poly, TBA.

Banned tags; M/M, snuff, piss, feces, lyrics, diapers, 9/11, Real Person fic, breastfeeding kink, overly gross concepts, any at my discretion TBA

 Thank you so much for being a reader and fan and submitting your ideas. I love to read them, and I love to interact with you guys. If you don’t already follow my social medias, I am @jennahbreakers on tiktok, Instagram, and tumblr. And if you want sneak peaks, exclusive content, and early access, subscribe to my patreon at patreon.com/jennahbreakers. The content is 18+ so you have to type out the url.

[resideanevil]

Comeback to Tumblr!❤️‍🩹

hi guys im here...again! :-)

Twitter is slowly dying and I'd rather come back here and create a cooler place where I can reblog things that I like and feel good and be myself. This time, I want this to be an opportunity to create better ties with people (like on twitter, i guess lol)

Welcome back here to myself lol...and hi moots! 💓✨

Get to know me

dean; she/her, 24 yo, bi goblin, vegan🌱

I'm from Spain/España.

I really love films(!!!), books & tv shows :)

I also love nature, flowers & my bf🦝

Horror enthusiastic!!🩸🗡️

Rats🐀, Cats🐱, frogs🐸 & animals in general<3 🐇🐢🐊🐿️🦔🐛🦋hehe

I have studied marketing & publicity but im studying pharmacy and parapharmacy now! 🥼💉

Some Fandoms i'm really into right now: Scream franchise, The Locked Tomb, Hannibal, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Chucky franchise, Twin Peaks, Miraculous Ladybug, Interview with the Vampire, Supernatural, Ohsama Sentai King-ohger, Sanrio, Resident Evil, Bluey, My Little Pony, Godzilla, Labyrinth, The Wizard of Oz, Dungeons and Dragons, Smallville, Scooby-doo, Shin Chan, Monster High.

Other fandoms i like: Shameless, The Walking Dead, From Series, Criminal Minds, Nana, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Genshin impact, Winx Club, Hamtaro, Chobits, We Bare Bears, True Blood, Hemlock Grove, Doctor Who, Sonic The Hedgehog, Steven Universe, Regular Show, Ouran High School Host Club, Downton Abbey, Dexter, Grey's Anatomy, What we do in the Shadows, Only murders in the building, The Boys, Friends, From dusk till dawn, Kamisama Kiss, That' 70s Show, Bates Motel, The Care Bears, IT books and movies, HIMYF, Charmed, Stranger Things, Nos4a2, etc.

Some of my fav actors/actresses: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Mads Mikkelsen, Ryan Gosling, Bill Skarsgard, Brittany Murphy, Steven Yeun, Mia Goth, Kirsten Dunst, Michelle Williams, Audrey Hepburn, Emma Stone, Nic Cage, Nana Komatsu, Viola Davis.

Some music i like: Twice, Girli, Wednesday Campanella, Selena Gomez, David Bowie, Elton John, (G)-idle, Girls' Generation, Red Velvet, Blackpink, B.I, Jeon Somi, Mia Rodriguez, Loona, Marina, Maneskin, Aitana, Rosalía, Boys World, Charli XCX, Wallows, Avril Lavigne, Paramore, Mamamoo, Bibi, Taemin, Sabrina Carpenter, Dove Cameron, Aurora, The Smiths, Jackson Wang, Kailee Morgue, Stray Kids, Taichi Mukai, beabadoobee, Angèle, Clairo, Taeyeon, Victoria Justice, Weathers, Miyavi, Solar, Hwasa, Aimyon, iKON, Yoasobi, Pomme, Sunmi, Xylø, Suda Masaki, Nirvana...

I LOVE sylvanian families 😳

Follow me on my other social media!

Letterboxd: resideanevil

Instagram (personal): resideanevil

Instagram (films): evildeanrise

Goodreads: resideanevil

Twitter: resideanevil (though I'll probably end up stopping using it at some point)

TV Time: resideanevil

Pinterest: scorpionion

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

Im 15 so I dont really get some of the millennial slang but I do have a question…….

What was the most popular like songs during that time yk? Like what was EVERYONE listening to and like what was something that everyone did (dressed, makeup, hair, music, shows) all that

Was it cool fr to live like that?

Not related to the blog, but it kinda is since he is 36 so like he was born during that time yk

Also was AHS a big thing when it came out like everyone and they mama was watching that?? Mbn fr💯💯

hello youth, sit back and let me tell you about what life was like starting way back in 2012 when thee evan peters became an important figure in my and many others lives! i mean, it was very cool to me, but maybe that's how everyone remembers their youth because i was 20 years old.

tumblr was the social media platform of choice for cool kids. not that we didn't love twitter and instagram, but tumblr was where you went for your fandom fix and to chat with like-minded folks. and to post and reblog many-a gif sets and graphics. somewhere on a hard drive are thousands of gif sets and graphics i created in my heyday as a successful criminal minds blogger and matthew gray gubler devotee. but i digress..

in 2012 rihanna was still making music, katy perry was enjoying relevancy, one direction was taking off, plenty of other still familiar names were putting out music at the peak of their success.. but if you spent time on tumblr you were sure to find plenty of listeners of lana del rey, frank ocean, the weeknd, marina and the diamonds, the 1975, arctic monkeys, and lorde to name a few.

in 2012 fashionistas everywhere committed to wearing awful peplum tops and dresses. not me, but i'll never forgive this. black, sometimes ripped skinny jeans, graphic print statement tees, big wedge sneakers, gaudy prints like chevron and nautical themed clothing and accessories.. oh, and these particular platforms that had women everywhere in a chokehold:

and good luck finding photos of any woman from this time-frame whose eyebrows did not look like this, because anastasia beverly hills popularized pencils and pomades to allow you to channel your inner cara delevingne (very relevant)

yes, bold make-up was in. smoky eyes and ''beachy waves'' in your hair! what a time to be alive.

and yes: AHS was quite a big deal when it first came out. it was hard to escape people talking about it online. and for several years after it debuted.. if AHS, and specifically evan peters, had not been so inescapable on this app, i would never have ''discovered'' him.

oh to be alive in 2012, listening to channel orange and feverishly refreshing tumblr for more gif sets of evan peters.

[musesandmayhem]

Hello and Welcome!

Just a writer full of muses and mayhem here! Dark fantasy/supernatural indy fiction (F/M & F/M Why Choose), with a penchant for romance and spice. Currently, I just finished Heir of Shadows, the sequel to my first book; Daughter of the Void. But I also have a long list of WIPs meandering about in the literary ether of my mind.

Still new to figuring out Tumblr and the writing communities here, but I'm open to tag games and asks. There are so many amazing people here! Thank you for putting yourselves out there to make the world a beautiful and more interesting place. I'm always open to constructive feedback or suggestions. As a first time author, I’d love to hear your thoughts; just keep it respectful.

Passion list: writing, drawing, and pretty much anything artsy.

**This is a pinned post that will be updated with my progress on different works**

Random works/prompts will find their homes here on Tumblr, and also my A03.

The Dreadnaught Series

Daughter of the Void (Book 1), is available on Kindle Unlimited.  GoodReads page can be found here.

The Dreadnaught Series is a high action F/M spicy dark supernatural romance. The shadows that line the underbelly of New York City's streets, are crawling with more than just criminals. If humans are considered sheep, then wolves walk among them dressed in the garbs of organized crime syndicates. Demons, Witches, Archangels, Shifters; all have carved out a piece of the Big Apple, and surviving comes at a very steep price.

Unfortunately, for Savannah Collins, that cost was trading her life for the life of an ex-boyfriend. Now, as the on-call surgeon for the Kass crime family, she does as she's told, patches the bullet holes, and doesn't ask questions. At least, not until a case is brought to her operating table that is beyond anything she learned in med school. Way beyond. The dream of one day getting free of that life is officially over. A new nightmare has begun. One that involves a demon, who is becoming impossible to resist taking to bed.

Heir of Shadows - Book 2

Available NOW!!

Supernatural/Modern/Romance - Sequel to Daughter of the Void. The continuation of Alaric and Savannah’s story.

Someone once said, “Vengeance is a long road, whose end is too short by a head.”  And Gideon Crest had finally lost his.   Yet, with his still warm blood spilling into the once battleground streets, Savannah Collins and Alaric Valefor’s problems were far from over. When one king falls, another must take their place. And the balance between wearing the crown of leader, faring the burdens in friendship, and bearing the weight of soul bound are running Alaric thin.  An entirely new war is peaking its horns upon the horizon. Only this time, Savannah is the one calling all the shots. The Dreadnaught is on the board, and everyone who knows it wants a piece. With no aces left in the deck, all hands are being shown in a winner takes all game. Yet, the more Savannah bluffs her way into victories, the more it’s becoming scarily apparent her voice may not be entirely her own.  The adventures of love and darkness continues, as Savannah, Alaric, and their allies test the strength of their bonds, and the limits of their courage.   Protecting each other, and the Dreadnaught, at all costs is becoming expensive. 

Upcoming Works:

Vessel and the Void - Book 3 in the Dreadnaught series.

Render Unto the Gods (Temp Title) – Undecided format, either Novel or Serialized release*

Chaos and Crusades (Temp Title) – Serialized release*  

Hidden Blades and Long Shadows (Temp Title) – Novel*

The Shade of Fury (Temp Title) – Serialized release (Vella) - A prequel of sorts to DoV – The story of Lorelai and Malak

The Cloth and the Canary - Probably a one shot novel. If that is even possible.

*Until these are further along in, development I probably won’t include much of the plot. I have commitment issues. ^_^

Thank you to my mutuals, and all the people who love and support me and my work!! You are everything that keeps me going!

[grotesquehorse]

season two of criminal minds. peak. elle is there for a bit and she gets to kill a man. prentiss is introduced and they put her in sooo many tight shirts. gideon is still there. rufus supernatural is here apparently for an episode. it’s the season with derek’s backstory. it has a serial killer who abducted someone and let her go because she told him he has pretty eyes. idk HOW i forgot about that one tbh i remember all of the other episodes. it has the two parter james van der beek episode that causes reids addiction. it has so much. it has thee saw trap episode. that’s the one with rufus supernatural in it btw. if you even care. the season literally starts with the fisher king two parter. are you kidding me. you know what season has baby cameron monaghan playing a psychopathic child? season two baby. what about the episode with the higher schooler who seeks reid out and is like “i am scared that im going to kill someone” and the episode talks about how there’s no way to actually help him? season two. you know who else is introduced in season two? WILL LAMONTAGNE JUNIOR. you know. jj’s future hubby. yeah. OH. that scene that’s on tumblr with prentiss and jj and garcia at a bar whipping out their FBI IDs to make fun of a guy? guess what season that’s in. yeah. do you guys remember that there’s an episode with two different serial killers who are communicating through the personal ads in the newspaper? because i sure didn’t.

[meta-with-anne]

Fan Ethnography

In a conversation a few days ago, my best friend, Rose, asked me what should have been a very simple question. “What fandom do you plan to focus on for class?” 

I knew Rose’s answer before they told me, our fandom discussions have been a highlight of my life every few days for going on four years, and I knew that mine—as it seems so many of my answers in life tend to be—was much less concise. “It doesn’t feel right to pick one, but I already know my lens,” I tell them in an Instagram voice note, an on-going “whenever you’re around” conversation that after about a year of use must amount to hundreds of hours worth of discussion, nearly all involving our fandoms and fan culture at large.

Me 'n Rose (Bestie in Fandom)

I have identified as a “fangirl” for as long as I can remember, long enough that I still can’t always bring myself to use the more widely accepted term of “stan”, long enough that although I was officially too young for an account I have vivid memories of 2013-15 tumblr culture, long enough that despite only being twenty-one I have earned the term “fandom elder” entirely on accident. Maybe I was six? When my older sister Abby introduced me to a song called Fearless, only for me to be paying out the nose to see Taylor sing it live fifteen years later on the Eras Tour. I might’ve been eight, when this madman in a bow tie lit up the hospital room where I was getting cancer treatments. I definitely couldn’t have been older than eleven, though, by then I had a tumblr account, a rotating cast of dedicated fandom OC’s, and a t-shirt reading “Booknerd” with the classic Harry Potter-Percy Jackson-Hunger Games “Big Three” logo right beneath. By the time I entered middle school I was a self declared expert on the television shows Doctor Who, Glee, Star Trek, and Criminal Minds, and had read (or rather listened) to the Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, and Lord of the Rings series’ over a hundred times through, etv. There’s not much else to do when you’re a chronically ill child, stuck in bed, alone, and desperate to live without having to leave the hospital. 

Me, at 12, thinking my Eleventh Doctor shirt was hot shit

Although it is arguably the least interesting branch I hit while falling down the tree of intersectionality, as the child of lesbian parents, as an ethnically Jewish person, and as a someone who was born—and has spent my entire life—chronically ill and disabled, my identity as a woman has always been the one that has effected my fandom experience the most. (I must acknowledge here that I can only speak to my experience as one cisgender white woman, and that the experiences of those who are women of color, trans, nonbinary, and/or not attracted to men, are invariably going to be not only much different, but in many ways much more difficult than my own.)

For as long as I can remember, I have navigated the world with a hyperawareness of gender-based violence and discrimination, I think it’s impossible not to do so when growing up in an all-girl family, much less one where both my moms had experienced said violence, and where they both used fandom to cope themselves. If there was a time I did not, it was before the age of ten, when I was a victim of CSA at the hands of the medical system and the men who run it; to this day I can’t listen to the particular Lord of the Rings audiobook I had playing when it happened without bursting in to tears. It is imperative, in my view, to understand my hyperawareness of misogyny, to understand my experience with fandom. I came in to fan communities, and spent much of my formative time in them, in the proliferation of the peak NLog (not like other girls) years.

Who run the world? I mean not my family of girls...but it would be cool if we did

Bombarded with memes, texts posts, and a general atmosphere that the only “correct” way to exist as a girl, and especially a young girl (specifically one who was twelve pretending to be fifteen), was to not be like other girls. I must not be “shrill”, overly argumentative, disdainful of the casual sexism that lurks underneath the surface of many fan spaces, I must not bad-mouth venerated male creators (bad mouthing, of course, including questioning why it is so unreasonable to wish for a television writing team with more than a single woman), I must not overtly enjoy things like makeup, but I must still be effortlessly pretty (preferably with blue “orbs” and a red messy bun), I must not like pink (purple is usually fine though), and I must not actually say I am not like other girls, but must look upon their love of Taylor Swift, Gossip Girl, One Direction, and Twilight with disdain all the same.

This avalanche of expectations, reinforced by my online companions in fandom communities, as well as by my “enemies”, those who sent anonymous messages that I should kill myself for committing the great sin of writing a Doctor Who Jack/Nine/Rose “Makeover” one shot, caused an inordinate amount of cognitive dissonance, and was often deeply isolating. In my “real life” girls who shared my interests in clothes, makeup, sewing, and my nearly decade-long membership in Girl Scouts were not interested in talking about X-Men comics, Star Trek Expanded Universe novels, or the latest episode of Doctor Who. In my online world I could get my head bitten off in an instant simply for saying I thought it was unfair “girly girls” were usually portrayed as vapid and dumb in series like Percy Jackson and Harry Potter, and god forbid you have the audacity to like Molly Hooper on Sherlock or worse, Sansa Stark from Game of Thrones. 

An edit I made circa 2015 of my favorite Sansa Stark quote

Over the years my involvement in fandoms have waxed and waned, I’ve been bullied out of three (including anonymous death and rape threats in two and getting doxxed at the tender age of thirteen over one), Doctor Who, Marvel, and Taylor Swift. All for different reasons, but all really coming down to the idea I like “traditionally feminine” things too much, whether that be “pretty” actors like Matt Smith, “feminist” heroes like Captain Marvel, or “girly” albums like Lover. And yet, I keep coming back, I came back after the Game of Thrones finale (and have two over 100k viewed fanfics on AO3 to show for it), I came back for the thirteenth and fourteenth (no, I will not call him fifteen) Doctors, and have even tentatively poked my head back into the Avatar the Last Airbender and Percy Jackson fandoms with their respective renaissances.

BEHOLD A very dumb photo montage I made at the ripe old age of thirteen of aforementioned pretty actor (I still quote "I was called dumbo as a child" on a regular basis)

It’s easy to ask why I continue to subject myself to the “fandom experience”, and in turn to chalk it up to the chemical processes involved in my ADHD, my desperation for a community I can participate in despite my chronic pain and fatigue, or simply the fact I got involved so young I don’t know how to live without them. I think it’s a lot simpler than that, though, I think it’s because I process the world through writing, and because above else I love to write. Whether it be fan fiction, meta, or original works branching off from the questions the media I love continually invites me to ask, writing is my great passion, and the fandoms and franchises I fall in love with are the ones that spark my motivation to write; whether I’m analyzing Taylor Swift lyrics, breaking down the celebrity culture I’ve watched for over a decade in my original novel, or writing fan-fiction where once in a while I still love a good makeover montage. Fandom introduced me to writing, writing became the way I process the world, and in the circular nature of life, writing is what will always bring me back to fandom.  

That was a long post, thanks for reading, here's the best meme anyone has ever made for me (everyone say thank you Rose)

@theofficeofdocmalone

[queer-whatchamacallit]

Here’s some more!! Feel free to use them