#people are just incapable of thinking in the long term and don't think about this.

[lookwhatilost]

i wonder where people get the idea from that trades are across the board good jobs and teachers propagandizing about college is the only reason people do not want to work jobs like that. for one, they do not, in fact, pay well most of the time.

like, 1996 called. it wants its hot take back.

[tankgotstuckinthecircusgate]

i could draw anything but i decided to draw this. carlo and rocco in 1932 aka my headache

[girlscience]

I really hate that there is something about me that is just so.... infantilizable. I have had a lot of friends do it, I'll say or do something and they'll just go "ohhhh lee.... noo" in like a patronizing baby voice. like I'm just silly or stupid or too innocent to know what's going on. Or like I brought pancakes for lunch today, which seems like an okay lunch to me, but my coworker told me I eat like a baby.

[lustfulslxt]

Fake Boyfriend - Matt Sturniolo

summary : out with your best friend, matt, you both run into your toxic ex. matt pretends to be your current boyfriend.

—

You and your best friend were now at the mall after deciding to go on a little fun shopping trip. You were just going to mainly browse, occasionally picking out a few things you both really liked, then go to get food.

Matt was walking beside you, holding yours and his bags, waiting for you to decide on what to eat. That was a struggle within itself, seeing as you're incredibly indecisive.

"I don't know why you're making me choose! You know I literally can't pick, Matty." You exclaim with a slight chuckle.

Matt shakes his head with a grin, "But you can though. You just won't."

"I'm actually physically incapable of it." You argue, causing him to burst out laughing, which led to you laughing with him.

"You're so dramatic, girl." He playfully rolls his eyes, before pointing directly ahead of you both. "We're getting Sbarro."

"Great!" You beamed at his undeniably easy decision. "Was that so hard?"

He stops in his tracks and gapes at you in disbelief, appalled at your audacity. "Apparently, it was. You quite literally act like it's the end of the world if you have to pick anything. I'm surprised you were able to choose what to wear today."

"It took me a good half hour." You sheepishly smiled, laughing at his bewildered expression.

"You're insane, kid." He chuckles, wrapping an arm around your shoulder as you walk towards the food court. "Find a table, and I'll get our food?"

You hum in agreement, taking the bags from him. It only took a second to find a table away from the other people indulging in their food. You sat down, placing the two bags on the ground at your feet. While you waited for Matt to return, you just pulled your phone out to keep you occupied.

Your peacefulness was soon interrupted, not only a minute later. The sound of a deep voice clearing their throat, caught your attention. Your eyes trailed from their feet, up their body, meeting their eyes last.

It was your ex-boyfriend.

You had prayed to every God you could think of to never have to deal with this man again. Once you broke up, you cut ties with him completely, wanting nothing to do with him ever again. Of course, the universe had other plans.

"Long time, no see." He grins at you, as if you guys were old friends.

You couldn't help the expression that fell on your face, your eyebrows furrowed as you scrunch your nose in disgust. You were actually repulsed by him.

"What do you want?"

"Wow, that's harsh." He feigned hurt. "I miss you, Y/N."

His last statement caused a loud cackle to fall from your mouth, "Please be so actually for real, guy."

"Oh, don't be like that babe. I know you miss me and all our good times." He smirked, as if he knew you inside and out.

He couldn't be more far from the truth. Just his presence alone was making you uncomfortable, causing you to physically tense. You two ended on very bad terms, and honestly, at times he scared you. He was literally batshit crazy.

"Hey baby." Matt's voice spoke from the side of you.

Suddenly, your head was turned with soft fingers under your jaw. Not a second later, his lips were planted on yours in a soft and gentle kiss. As shocked as you were, you still kissed him back. As if you both got lost in the way your lips perfectly molded together, a scoff brought you both to reality and you pulled away.

"Who's this chump?" Y/E questions, his face full of anger.

"I'm her boyfriend if you must know. Kick rocks, kid." Matt glares, stepping slightly in front of you.

Y/E doesn't waste another breath before he's off in another direction. Matt sits in front of you, placing the tray of food on the table. Your eyes were wide, your mouth slightly agape, staring at him in silence. Once he noticed your state, he cleared his throat.

"I, uh.. Sorry, about that. I could see how uncomfortable you were, and it was honestly the first thought that came to my mind. Sorry, if I, you know, overstepped and made you more uncomfortable."

You swallowed hard, your throat suddenly feeling incredibly dry. "Why was that your first thought?"

He looked like a deer in headlights as he thought about what to say. He knew he couldn't lie to you, you could read him like a book. So, despite the anxiety that coursed his veins and made him sick to his stomach, he responded, truthfully.

"I guess because I think about it a lot."

Your eyes widened even more if that was possible, flickering around before landing back on him. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He sighs and gives you a look, "Alright, be for real. I think it's obvious how I feel about you."

Your lips turned upwards in an innocent smile, and you had to bring them into your mouth to prevent yourself from cheesing like a goofball. With a look of confusion, you replied, "Please do explain."

"You're so unserious." He laughs, shaking his head, but still elaborates, "I'm in love with you and everything about you, you dork."

Hearing that come out of his mouth had you ecstatic. It was like something within you ignited, and you couldn't help but smile from ear to ear. Your eyes shone with happiness as you stared at him. Without a word, you leaned forward, your hands reaching over and pulling him closer to you by his chain. Your eyes gazed into his, reading into every emotion displayed, hoping yours were showing the same.

They were.

Closing the gap between you, he leaned forward once more, smashing his lips onto yours. It was still soft, but passionate. As cliche as it sounds, his kiss set your whole body on fire. You couldn't help but smile into the kiss as your stomach danced with butterflies.

Once you pulled away, your eyes connected once again. "I'm in love with you too, you goof."

--

a/n : yuck, was this cringe? my first lil imagine or whatever. def not proofread, sorry bby <3 anywhooo, request whatever!

[copperbadge]

hi, i had a medium to big question. in your post about the adhd self-help book you mentioned people with adhd being conditioned to be nonconfrontational, but i've never once in my entire life connected the two? can you break down the connection for me so that i can once again (this week, even) have my understanding of my own condition blown wide open?

So, you are not the only person to ask about this, but that's on me for being unclear -- I wasn't trying to assert that kids with ADHD are automatically conditioned to be nonconfrontational, I was more trying to be like "Hey not everyone needs lessons in medical self-advocacy but a lot of nonconfrontational people do." And I think there is a higher population of people with neurodivergence who are deeply confrontation-averse, but I don't have like, numbers for that, it's just an assumption based on other knowledge.

It gets complicated; ADHD is a disease based heavily in acting impulsively against your best interests. But yeah I do think people with ADHD are often conditioned to avoid confrontation because of two main factors: rejection-sensitive dysphoria and executive dysfunction.

RSD, which I hate perhaps more than any other symptom or behavior associated with ADHD, automatically kicks our nervous system into high gear in social situations and encodes embarrassing moments in our memory with high-def clarity. Because RSD naturally causes a level of anxiety around socialization, it tends to make us nonconfrontational simply because a) we don't want to be yelled at, b) we don't want to embarrass ourselves by getting emotional about something that may not warrant it, and c) by the time we realize what's happening our body is already on high alert which means we are likely to go into fight-flight-freeze mode.

Me, I freeze, usually, but none of those three options are great for fast thinking during an argument. I used to lose arguments a lot simply because I couldn't think or react as fast as the neurotypical person I was fighting with, so I simply stopped having fights. Notably, I did not have this problem when fighting with my brother, who is also neurodivergent and has many of the same freeze reactions I do.

If people disagree with me, even when I know I'm right I also know I probably won't be able to vocalize it properly, so I back down. Usually it's trivial so it doesn't matter, and I've gotten strategic about how and when I argue about things that do matter; it's also a lot easier to do with strangers or professionals (like doctors) where I don't have to worry about long-term social repercussions. But yeah, our own nervous system tells us "hey maybe don't pick this fight" about every single fight and if we do pick that fight, it treats our opponent as a dangerous predator.

Executive dysfunction's interaction with nonconfrontation is something I have less problem with because while I do have poor executive function, I've spent a lot of time and energy training myself to cover the Important Stuff. I have mild ADHD so I'm capable of this; I'm not trying to say everyone with ADHD is, because lord knows it's exhausting for me and I've been doing it for roughly thirty years. But essentially, I cover where it counts: if someone needs me to do something I do it, I meet deadlines, I pay bills.

So with that disclaimer in place, a very common issue especially for children with undiagnosed ADHD is that they'll be told or asked to do something and simply be unable to begin or complete it, then when they're asked why they didn't do it they can't explain. Even if they try to explain that they simply couldn't, like they were incapable of doing it for reasons they don't understand, that usually doesn't hold water with a lot of parents and teachers.

"I couldn't bring myself to write this essay," is actually something I told myself a few times in college, but it's not something I'd bother trying to tell someone else, because if you think you're neurotypical that sounds very insane. So I'd lie and say I forgot, or I'd take the fail, or I'd simply drop out of the class. Crucially I would not fight with the authority figure who was questioning me about it, because I knew I wouldn't be able to explain myself, and I'd just end up getting in more trouble for longer.

Our culture is structured for neurotypicals, and it's not even structured for all neurotypicals. Behavior that deviates from Approved Neurotypical even when you think you are Approved Neurotypical is highly punishable. So if your options are passivity, even when passivity leads to pain, or confrontation, most people who aren't Approved Neurotypical will opt for passivity once they've had a taste of where confrontation leads. I know I do.

And the thing is, there's nothing actually wrong with that. It's a strategy calculated to minimize pain. Even when I'm firing on all cylinders on a fresh dose of Adderall, I still generally let fights go unless there will be actual real consequences, because it's just not worth it. But knowing we have ADHD and knowing we fall into this pattern, I think it is good to be aware that sometimes letting a fight go is really going to fuck you, and at that point even being bad at it is better than not engaging.

I'm pretty good at calculating those, but it's a lifelong process, knowing which hills to die on when you assume you will automatically die if you ever get above sea level.

[achillesuwu]

I just think it would be HILARIOUS if Merlin dates someone for a loooooong time some centuries after Arthur's death and that someone is immortal.

Idk, just the idea of merlin having that ex vampire dude he dated for 276 years or something and they parted in good term. They are still good friends and it drives Arthur INSANE

More Merlin actually living for 1500+ years and meeting new people because you can NOT convince me that if someone live for more 1500 years in a world where there are others long-living beings they will not form bond that defy every social expectation

like (-still not dating merthur -)

Arthur : you dated him for nearly THREE centuries!?

Merlin : well, yeah?

Arthur : and you want to make me believe that you two cuddling on the couch was totally platonic!?!?

Merlin, 1500+ yo and very much know how to communicate with his friends and ex-partner: yeah??

Arthur I just noticed that I wanted to be the one sleeping on you on the couch and I don't know what to do with those feelings pendragon : YOU PLAYED WITH HIS HAIR AND KISSED HIS FOREHEAD

Merlin : WE BROKE UP FOUR HUNDRED YEARS AGO ARTHUR

Merlin that got married multiple times but is at the same time kind of married to Freya.

Merlin that blows Arthur mind because he has an orgy with his 5 immortal Friends-with-benefits and they is completely chill about it.

Arthur just can NOT understand how this isn't cheating.

Just, Arthur (freshly immortal btw) being incapable of understanding Merlin's centuries long relationships with other immortals.

Arthur being a tiny bit insecure because how the fuck can he try to win Merlin's heart when he is competing against a 1500 yo marriage, a 700 relationship that for him doesn't look platonic at ALL, 5 immortal "friend with benefits" and Gods know who else when he was "only" merlin's best friend for 10 years 1500 years ago :((((

Meanwhile, everybody else that know that now that Arthur came back there is no way that anything happen with anyone else: aaaaawwww, merlin!!! tell us everything!!!! And when is the wedding??? You better not elope like you did with Catheline. It was two hundreds years ago!!!! HE DIDIN'T SAY THAT NOTHING HAPPENED!!! NOTHING HAPPENED.

[tcelujhita]

some thoughts on love and the Eighth Doctor in the EDAs...

Two things: 

A reoccurring theme in the EDAs is how the Doctor's strangeness alienates him from a stable sense of belonging, plus generally the idea of him trying to figure out how he fits in with humanity (or rather, how he doesn't). Two coping mechanisms for this were fantasizing about a "normal life" (the occurrences I can recall are all pre-amnesia) and simply embracing the label 'strange' (more often post-amnesia?). And as a note, this is speaking long-term-- I know he's charismatic & can get along with people.

In Interference he said he thinks of romance (and come on, this means 'love in general', bc I doubt he can much tell the difference between romantic and platonic) as this:

One of Eight's problems is that he's really emotionally closed off, I think even sometimes from himself. So no wonder he feels detached from others, when he ignores his own vulnerability. He's apparently outwardly affectionate, but he's often like that with everyone, which appears to play into an additional concept defining Eight — it's difficult to tell what's genuine, premeditated, etc. I don't think he can conceptualize what love looks like in day-to-day life for himself, or he might conceptualize it as being staying-in-one-place Human Normality — "attachment" — which he believes he's fundamentally incapable of, or at least it's something always out of his reach. In the end, they always leave, it's just how it goes.

The two "fantasies" demonstrate this.

(Unnatural History)

(The Blue Angel)

Fitz also has problems fitting in. He's so anxious about it that he either pretends to be someone else or is just blasé and says he doesn't care. 

Or—he spirals, when it comes to not clicking with Eight.

There are bouts where the doubt creeps in and he feels the relationship is out of sync. The reason varies, but I think in the examples I found, a part of it is always because Eight's so emotionally constipated and he doesn't often concretely demonstrate his appreciation of Fitz, so Fitz's dogshit self-esteem surfaces to provide an explanation.

(Revolution Man, in the presence of Sam)

(Frontier Worlds, in the presence of Compassion)

(Camera Obscura, in the presence of Anji)

Which is all quite tragic, really.

(History 101)

Because who's more attached than him?

[sharpth1ng]

Hihihi sharp, sharpie, sharp guy, sharps disposal! Silly sharp man, I sent an ask for writing tips not too long ago, and I am yet again asking. Nay, BEGGING 🙏. If you have. Any writing tips. On Stu’s character. Ouhg. What’s your thought process on writing him?

Anything helps/nfta

If I mischaracterize him I will cry, broski. Jelp.

This is a little late but maybe it will still be helpful.

The way I see Stu hes someone that copes with positivity and humor. If someone he cares about is upset his first instinct is to make a fool of himself to distract them. He's an extremely social person because he finds people entertaining, even though he cares for relatively few of them.

I dont consider him a psychopath but think that relative to the general population he has high levels of cognitive empathy and lower levels of emotional empathy. This means that he's good at understanding people, and because he can understand them he can manipulate them, but he doesn't necessarily feel for them.

For example he's bummed to lose Tatum because he enjoyed spending time with her but he doesn't experience deep grief after her death. The emotional empathy he does experience is extremely selective, and most of it is directed toward Billy.

Put this all together and you have someone who is extremely socially capable. He knows how to fit in and get what he wants out of people. A lack of emotional empathy means he doesn't experience much guilt or shame. Guilt and shame are social emotions, to feel them you have to care what people think of you and how you affect them, and Stu mostly doesn't.

All of that said, Stu has the capacity for emotional empathy, he isn't neurologically incapable of it. I see this as something that kind of atrophied or got shut down through a combination of societal privilege and parental neglect.

The dark side of all that social energy and a history of neglect is that he still craves attention and affection, but he knows better than to just fully be himself around most people. If he did that he wouldn't be able to pass as normal, so thats where Billy comes in.

Similar to the way that Stu is special to Billy because he's the only person who really knows how fucked up he is, it's the same for Stu. Billy is the only person thats safe for Stu to fully let loose with, the only person fully capable of giving Stu the attention and affection he craves.

In that way they're pretty co-dependent, and Stu specifically isn't even trying to hide that dependence. Some people decide from a young age that they're going to be an astronaut or a doctor, and then they devote everything to that until they get it. Stu decided from a young age that he was going to be by Billy's side, however he was allowed. For the most part Billy is his first priority.

I think the paradox of childhood neglect is that you want attention and care but you don't actually know how to be cared for, and it can feel a lot more comfortable to care for someone else than to let them care for you. In some ways Stu can focus on Billy because it's more comfortable than focusing on himself. He understands Billy and I think he enjoys the special relationship he has with him. Even before they're romantically involved he knows that Billy gives him a kind of attention he doesn't give anyone else and that feels incredible.

So that's kind of the way I see his emotional motivation and internal psychological state, that's what I use to figure out how he would respond to various events in my writing.

In terms of his dialogue and internal voice he's jokey, he sees and delights in the absurdity of situations he's in. He uses a lot more slang than Billy and will choose silly turns of phrase just to make people laugh and because he thinks they're funny. He's a fairly sensory person but not as much as Billy, and he's a lot better at identifying his own emotions than Billy. Billy will describe emotional reactions in terms of their physical correlates (eg instead of saying he's embarrassed he'll say he feels sick and his face is getting hot) whereas Stu is often able to just identify that those things mean embarrassment.

Again in contrast to Billy he prioritizes pleasure and joy regardless of what that might mean about him. As a result he's not likely to spend much time in denial about his experiences and he mostly doesn't bother to make excuses to himself about the things he desires. He's pretty brave, he's willing to sacrifice a lot for what he wants and he's ok with a little bit of suffering, even if it's not the kind of suffering that turns him on.

Alright theres your Stuart essay 😭 i hope you find it helpful!

[bird-inacage]

Only Friends: Can Ray be Redeemed? Is Sand the Solution?

I know Ray has upset a lot of people in Episode 8. I do find it really fascinating how quickly the tide has turned on him, especially when you compare his actions to those of our villains of the first arc: Boston and Top. Perhaps I'm in the minority, but I still choose to believe that Ray does care. He's hugely misguided but not heartless.

Let me firstly preface that none of what I'm about to say excuses Ray's behaviour but is an attempt to unpack why I still hold hope.

A child lost with no anchor

Ray is emotionally immature (which as cliché as it sounds, is a direct product of his upbringing - or lack thereof). He largely operates on basic needs, as a child would: 'I want. I need'. It's all based on serving the self. He seems wildly incapable of thinking very far beyond that. Like a child, he can barely take care of himself, let alone anyone else. He's pretty helpless on his own in a lot of respects. Most people grow out of this. Through knocks and hardship, we learn the world doesn't revolve around us and how to equip ourselves with healthy and appropriate means to navigate through life. Ray however, still seems to be stuck in his infantile box.

I often joke that Ray is a bit feral, but there is some truth to that. Ray's been left to his own devices for the majority of his life. So it's no surprise he's developed this 'me against the world' attitude which is volatile and defensive, but ultimately keeps him caged in said box.

These traits are abundantly apparent in his relationship with Mew. Ray is the vehicle for Mew's self-destruction, but all he sees is the exhilaration of having a 'partner in crime', someone to be in 'cahoots with'. Like a pair of naughty school kids getting into mischief, rather than an adult partnership. Ray is all about immediate gratification over long term fulfilment because (as children do), they don't possess the wisdom and experience to think ahead. Ray seems unable to grasp repercussions or consequences in his decision making. It's always act first, think second.

To put it simply, Ray hasn't been taught boundaries and how to respect them. He just gets criticised for crossing them which doesn’t help him learn. No one has had the patience to teach him why and how. To guide, to steer, to direct, to mentor. To educate rather than scold. Prevention rather than cure. As a result, everyone around Ray serves to clean up his messes rather than equip him with the ability to not create them in the first place. He falls into patterns of behaviour that no one has seriously attempted to break which has only amplified with adulthood. The longer those habits prevail, the harder they are to change.

Does Ray harbour ill-will or bad intent?

Is Ray the worst? In my opinion, no. (Not yet anyway - I might eat my words later, who knows). I've said this somewhere before but intent makes all the difference when judging someone's actions. Choosing to actively cause harm whilst being fully conscious of the impact versus triggering damage to occur as a symptom of your behaviour is vastly different. This is where Ray and Boston differ. Boston acts without remorse, he purposely and calculatingly makes choices that will cause the maximum degree of suffering. Whereas Ray's a loose cannon. He leaves a trail of destruction where he goes, due to a lack of control and means to channel how he feels in a constructive manner. Boston's victims are targets, whereas Ray's victims are collateral.

I don't think Ray means to purposely hurt or harm the people he cares about. Because in doing so, he'll push them away - which is precisely what he doesn't want. (Though saying that, Ray doesn't seem to give as much of a damn if it's people he isn't invested in, such as Top). Ray's world consists of what Ray needs. It's not that he doesn't care about a single person besides himself, he's just so wrapped up in his own needs to even gauge the bigger picture.

When others do point out to Ray that he's hurt them, he does tend to look guilty and taken aback, as if he's thinking, 'But I didn't know. No one told me. I had no idea my actions would cause you to be upset'. Painful levels of ignorance. But I also see a huge amount of internalised frustration. 'But why? Why didn't anyone explain this to me? How was I to know?'

Ray is capable of showing remorse, of displaying guilt. He's not cold-blooded. Anyone who can demonstrate compassion is capable of redemption. Ray is seen to be genuinely appreciative and grateful when people are good to him. He's fiercely protective over people he cares about. Ray was also willing to jump in when Sand gets a call from his mum being in trouble.

One thing I do have to stress is the difference in Ray's demeanour when he's severely drunk/high versus when he's sober. His addiction tends to amplify his most primal desires, his most 'childlike' traits. The uglier sides of Ray presented in their worst light, set to maximum. The raging tantrums, the absurd and unpredictable demands, an explosive and dangerous impulsiveness. People often refer to addiction as a form of sickness, which is worth noting when the person under scrutiny is effectively not well.

Learning by Example

Now let's talk about the huge importance of Sand in this equation.

Let me be clear - it's not Sand's responsibility to teach Ray how to grow up or behave more like a functioning adult. It's neither his duty to be a stand-in parent or caretaker. The unfortunate truth is that Ray doesn't have anyone in his life who plays that role. Who is the voice of reason. To keep him on the straight and narrow. In order to actually incite change, Ray needs to be receptive to whoever is trying to help him. We've seen he doesn't respond particularly well to the majority of people in his life. He's defensive with his father, his friends, deflective and pandering with Mew. The only person he's seen to show any signs of actually listening to and registering is Sand.

Whilst it's not fair on Sand, he might be the only person who has any real chance of encouraging healthy and positive growth in Ray. Because Sand loves Ray, he genuinely wants to see improvement for Ray's own good. I don't think it's a coincidence that we tend to see Ray's more endearing side when he's with Sand. His childlike qualities take on a sweeter, more harmless, playful tone.

He needs someone with an almost parental level of unconditional love to not give up on him, where others have thrown in the towel. Ray's character is essentially a personified cry for help. His mother was unable to cope. His father seems chronically exasperated and far too busy to actually be present. His friends have always seen him as bothersome and too much of a handful.

I personally don't want to write Ray off as a lost cause. Ironically, Sand may be the saviour he didn't ask for, but the one he really needs. Someone who can save him from himself.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

So, i don't know how you would react at this BUT, i just read all of your posts and i think you're really amazing while answering ask's, so i just thought it might be good to share with you a ( kind of? ) headcanon that i have about Silver.

Like, i don't know if it actually makes sense. And pardon me if there's any grammar erros, i'm quite bad at english.

BUT i just feel that he is pretty "incapable" of truly expressing himself, unless it's when his knight mode are on, but even in this mode, has some difficulties. ( and by incapable i mean he has some pretty relevant difficulties with expressing himself in a sentimental way ).

I just have this sort of feeling that his creation with two non-human ( and one half-human ) beings as he was human have a large impact on him mentally, specially because Malleus and Lilia are not the most open ones in terms of sentimentality and Sebek is just bad at this as them and also have some issues with expressing himslef and being sociable.

Like, despite all the efforts Lilia put to make sure Silver grew up to be a good person, he couldn't really be that good on the social and emotional part and Malleus weren't the perfect teacher of it either, not even Sebek. So Silver just grew up subconsciously trying to follow their behaviors and manners, while the culture from Biar Valley also moulded his way.

( and I also see Lilia as someone who hides his true feelings behind this mask of energetic and teasingly playful guy. )

The sleep curse might had put some extra inner barrier in Silver's mind, as or he is completely afraid to trying be sociable or he just are indiferent to this because he don't actually think he is capable of something like that due to the curse making him sleep anytime plus all the baggage of being raised in a country were his specie in not viewied with good eyes and being raised by people he eventually knew that would live a lot many years than him, that compared to them, he's really just a common human with a short lifespan. I doubt this hasn't fucked up his mind.

I don't remember if it's actually mentioned something detailed about his relationship with his club partners but, i do think he can be respectful and chit chat for a few minutes, but just having a long, deep and intimate conversation with someone might be too overwhelming to him, since he practically lived his entire life having constant interactions only with his family. He's just caught in this cycle where his adopted dad hide his true feelings, Malleus pretty much do this too and Sebek probably doesn't even think about how he really feels, so he just follow them and lock himself in his own bubble.

So, i really don't know if this make any kind of sense. But i would enjoy if you share your opinion on this silly headcanon i have.

Hello and thank you for sharing your thoughts ^^

I originally wanted to keep this short, but I kept having more and more thoughts and continuously added to the post until it became an absolute behemoth 😅 I still feel like I could have said even more, but I’ll leave it at this for now.

Please look below the cut to read my response!! (Note: the focus will be mainly on Silver and Lilia’s relationship, as those two are usually the ones described as father and son + we know the most about those two as Silver grew up.)

Mmm… Firstly, I don’t know if “being incapable of truly expressing himself” is something that’s exclusive to Silver; this is a pretty consistent trait among the prideful students of NRC. They demonstrate this in different ways (Rook is secretive, the twins claim they would throw Azul away if he becomes boring, Jamil represses his desire to be free while serving Kalim, Cater does not outright tell Trey he wants to be besties but implies he wishes Trey were as close with him as he is with Riddle, etc.). Very few are willing to allow themselves to be vulnerable with one another, and this feeds into a lack of “deep and intimate conversations” amongst all of them, not just between Silver and his peers.

That being said, I do not believe that Silver generally has issues expressing himself. In fact, I would actually argue for the opposite: that Silver is one of the more open students (at least when it comes to his feelings). He has talked about his deep love and respect for his father on multiple occasions. He has many animal companions whom he communicates with. He has given various speeches about how he wishes for a world in which living beings of all races and live happily together. (This last example was vital in Fairy Gala: If; it was Silver’s heartfelt words that moved the pixies to return what they had originally taken from NRC.) He has said on more than one occasion that be is thankful for his father and owes him a debt, that he must somehow “repay” Lilia. He becomes concerned about not being alert and that others may think of him as rude for falling asleep mid-conversation and seeks to correct this. He also worries about his classmates thinking of him as scary and emotionless (and, again, tries to solve this problem). He sees the best in others, he lets them know it (for example, assuming that Jamil is worried about Kalim in Endless Halloween Night), and he gives earnest advice. He understands that Sebek’s abrasiveness is a way of hiding his embarrassment and expressing gratitude, knowing that, deep down, Sebek is caring—so Silver is patient with him and asks others to do the same. He has no trouble asking for help either (something which the other NRC boys have trouble doing). He openly demonstrates awareness of his shortcomings (such as how he always falls asleep at bad times) and is happy just knowing that others may lend an ear to him. He has a lot of tenderness that’s hard to find at NRC. Silver is simply earnest and speaks his mind, even if it can come off as blunt or perhaps a naive way of responding to the world. He has a very simple way of thinking and forming opinions (Vil asks him what’s the most beautiful? “You,” Silver says. Azul asks him what he thought of the food? “Good,” Silver says.)—and his lack of facial expression certainly doesn't help in conveying his emotions, no matter how earnest they may be.

The one major time Silver actively demonstrates repressing his emotions is in book 7, when he stows away his true sadness for the sake of seeing his father off with a smile. He breaks down when he’s away from the party and with Malleus, venting his frustrations about himself and how he cannot even fulfill his father’s final wish. Silver apologizes to Malleus for his “unsightly behavior”, referring to his tears, indicative of a negative emotion, as something to be ashamed of. This, in of itself, is not odd. There’s always a handful of subjects a person may feel uncomfortable talking about even with their friends and family. Maybe it’s finances, personal flaws, or failures. For Silver, it’s in relation to his life span and “owing” Lilia. That’s nothing unusual; most people are not willing to divulge everything to their loved ones; there’s typically something negative or shameful held back. (For example, Deuce wouldn’t be so eager to tell his mom about the violent outbursts he had at school since he’s trying to reform himself. I doubt the OB boys would be eager to tell their own families about their overblots, etc.)

What I deem to be Silver's greatest strength is his empathy, and I think that comes across in how he communicates. When he's talking with others, Silver is entirely emotionally capable, willing to hear them out, and even lend his support. Where he falters is when it specifically comes to matters of his place within his family (which is not present most of the time; most of the time, Silver is in that default empathetic state). This is a point of insecurity for Silver, and it is a large part of his character arc in book 7.

One can say Silver repressing his emotions related to this occurrence is a learned response due to a combination of things. For one, he doesn't want to disappoint his father by ruining his celebration with tears. (Silver cares a lot about others, usually prioritizing them over himself, whether it's putting their needs over his own or literally throwing himself in harm's way to defend them.) For another, Silver, as a human, may have developed insecurities or a complex from having grown up in Briar Valley, a place known to have a very low human population AND a history of war with humans (meaning it's possible that humans are discriminated against). I don't know if the "culture" of Briar Valley had an impact on Silver's communication, since we ourselves are not fully aware of what this "culture" is or how people normally express themselves. Just because fae can be standoffish to outsiders doesn't mean fae are standoffish to other fae when Silver happens to be in the immediate vicinity. We don't really know if Silver has previously expressed worries about the difference in his life span versus those of fae either, but I'd imagine this is something he had to learn for himself and come to terms with, much like the discovery of his adoption. I wouldn’t go so far as to say this "fucked him up" since it wasn't touched on or implied prior to book 7. Because of this, I don't get the impression that it's deeply concerning to Silver until the point it became relevant for his father and paying back the "debt" Silver feels he owes. (Then again, I acknowledge that perhaps these thoughts were not shared due to Silver's... unique style of communication.) I’m not going to speculate about the sleeping curse since we don’t fully understand how it works and I don’t want to make assumptions while I’m still uninformed.

While it’s true that Silver had limited interactions with people outside of Lilia, Malleus, and Sebek in his childhood, I wouldn’t attribute all of Silver’s characteristics to “he learned how to repress his emotions from them”. There were many other factors that contributed to the kind of person Silver would eventually become. His level-headedness comes in part from having to “grow up” fast since Lilia lacks the homemaking skills to look after him. Silver had to learn to cook (have you tasted Lilia’s food?) and clean (have you seen Lilia’s room?) in his place, as well as look after their cottage home whenever Lilia left on trips. He’s the calm that balances out his father. I’m not going to comment on Malleus since I’m not sure how frequently he visited Silver (which would impact the degree to which he affects him). Sebek, however, is also someone that Silver spent a lot of time with because 1) his grandpa already knows Lilia and 2) there are very few kids Silver’s age in Briar Valley. The circumstances just worked out that way. This also exposes Silver to Sebek and his family, as they looked after him on occasions when Lilia could not. Sebek’s two older siblings and parents, then, are also people Silver could look to as models. Otherwise, he seems to have mostly lived in their forest cabin and interacting with few living beings aside from the animals. He states that he rarely went to the capital (which we learn is because Lilia is banned from there) and that he didn’t even go to a middle school (implying Lilia home schooled him before NRC), so… yeah, he’s mainly isolated in the woods. This grants Silver a lot of time to slow down, to be introspective, and to consider both his own feelings and those of others. His awkwardness, then, may come from his social circle being small and not having an opportunity to interact with people beyond it. This creates a lack of awareness for how he may come off to others, as he’s so used to how acclimated Lilia, Malleus, and Sebek are to his usual demeanor. Silver doesn’t realize that his stoic expressions can read as unfriendly to others.

I think there are flaws in saying that Lilia is the type of person to hide his true emotions behind a smile: it’s true from the understanding of the PLAYER because we’ve learned in book 7 that Lilia kept secrets from Diasomnia. Silver’s origins, about the war, why he’s in a hurry to leave early, how Malleus hatched, etc. We as the players understand that Lilia tries to hide his own pain and suffering from those he loves. But… the issue is that Silver doesn’t know this (so how could he “copy” Lilia’s penchant for covering up his true emotions if he never picked up on the initial deception?). Silver fully trusts his father and does not really suspect Lilia of hiding anything from him (excluding maybe the occasional prank). Additionally, I would not conflate keeping secrets and hiding own’s emotions with discouraging sentimentality in Silver. Lilia has hard conversations with his son (like in book 7 right before he handed over the ring from Silver’s deceased parents), and that shows some degree of emotional intelligence and vulnerability. Isn’t he modeling a healthy way of dealing with feelings here? Isn’t Lilia right here, right now, telling Silver how proud he is of him? Lilia is able to be vulnerable too in these moments, regardless of what other secrets he may keep.

Another discrepancy is that both Lilia and Sebek (the ones whom Silver probably spent the most time with as a child, since Malleus had to stay in the castle and be trained and tutored) tend to “hide” their real feelings with very emotional methods (ie covering up one feeling with another feeling)—yet Silver himself didn’t learn to use do the same thing. If we include Malleus in the count, he’s the more consistently “emotionally repressed” character but still has his outbursts of rage and upset. Silver does not “copy” this either. He and Malleus are both calm, yes, but they come from different backgrounds which could breed this calm personality, not necessarily from one mimicking the other. (Silver was mostly in his cottage, Malleus is as in his castle.) This is, again, why I say that it would be faulty to attribute how Silver acts in large part or entirely to Lilia, Sebek, and Malleus. He has been impacted by far more than them and does not pull all of his knowledge on how to socialize from his dorm mates.

The last point I’d like to bring up is that wearing your emotions on your sleeve isn’t necessarily a good thing all the time, nor is it the only way one can express themselves. You can show your love through acts (Silver often thinks about what he can do to best support his father) or gifts too (Silver mentions Lilia puts a lot of thought into picking gifts for everyone). From this angle, we can see that Lilia (Silver’s primary caregiver and guardian) has demonstrated and taught healthy ways of expressing one’s feelings too, and how Silver is capable of reciprocating in his own ways.

Now, am I saying that Lilia and the others were perfect in modeling emotions to Silver? Obviously, no. Misunderstandings happened—but what’s important is learning and growing from them. For example, Lilia failed to understand that Silver might be hurt to learn that he was adopted and thus Lilia acted in a callous way by laughing. But given how their relationship in present day is not strained, we can surmise that Lilia and Silver made up and that Lilia has become more attuned to his son’s sensitivities (as Lilia states that he can easily read Silver’s emotions). Lilia says as much in Malleus’s Dorm Uniform vignettes, telling Malleus that humans have different sensitivities than fae do. A lot of the values Silver had—such as the importance of unity among the races—must have also been instilled in him through Lilia and extensive talks. Again though, Lilia’s not perfect and sometimes he acts in ways which still earn Silver’s ire (Endless Halloween Night is a big one). Malleus himself also makes multiple mistakes when interacting with humans (overstepping with his powers, not paying attention to times, scaring them with his presence, not making an effort himself to reach out). Sebek regularly insults them despite being half human himself. (That’s a whole other can of worms; I’d recommend this analysis for my thoughts on Sebek and his whole deal.) But what I really love about the Diasomnia found family unit is that they balance out each other's flaws really well. Silver's empathy is a great asset to the group, as he's often the one settling disputes between Sebek and his peers or apologizing for Lilia's mischief. He's simultaneously the "heart" of the group and, to some extent, also the "brains" when the others need to be reeled in.

Ultimately, I don’t agree with the suggestion that Silver is “afraid of trying to be sociable”, is “indifferent to socializing”, or that “he doesn’t think he is capable of socializing”. I don’t think Silver would find long, deep, intimate conversations “overwhelming” either (unless, of course, it relates to his own particular insecurities. Recall that he has given those speeches about his hopes for all races to be united; that requires a degree of vulnerability on his part and Silver laid it out smoothly. Lilia has also had tough conversations with him too!). Silver is not a socially anxious person; I think it would be more accurate to say that he comes off in the eyes of his peers as someone who is hard to approach because of how stone-faced he is. Silver himself does not fear or shy away from socializing. He just speaks in a plain way to get his point across and because that’s how he communicates—it’s not the result of him wanting to close the conversation ASAP so he can get away. His sleepiness is another factor to consider (Silver worries others think of it as impolite), but it never outright discourages him from speaking to people to avoiding social interactions altogether to minimize the drowsiness impacting his life. He tries to find ways to stay more alert instead (trying to fix the root of the problem rather than a symptom of it)

I think an excellent encapsulation of Silver’s entire character is his Dorm Uniform vignettes; in them, Silver’s classmates express that they think he is unapproachable and that he has no emotions. Silver overhears these comments and becomes concerned that his peers do not like him, so he asks his friend, Kalim, and Jamil for help learning how to smile. We then learn through a series of comedic events that it is physically hard for Silver to smile or to make a different facial expression which matches his feelings more. What finally gets Silver to smile naturally is when he gets so lost in an activity that he isn’t even aware his expression has changed. Lilia and Malleus, who are watching him, remark on Silver’s uncanny empathy. Then Lilia says, “[Silver] conceals some powerful emotions beneath that poker face of his.” To this, Malleus corrects him: “I wouldn't say he actively conceals [his emotions], per se. I suspect he simply doesn't betray much emotion.” Lilia agrees: “I suppose that's fair. Not that I find him difficult to read, of course!” It’s then that Silver’s classmates realize they were wrong about him and they begin to act more friendly.

To summarize: Malleus outright says it in Silver’s Dorm Uniform vignettes; it’s not that Silver does not have emotions or finds it difficult to communicate in a sentimental way, it’s that peers tend to misread him because of his face and his frank way of speaking. He thinks a lot of the people around him and makes numerous attempts to adjust his behavior so that they are more comfortable being around him. He asks for help and offers help in return. His one weakness is not being able to fully come to terms with the fact that Lilia loves and accepts him as he is, that Silver IS enough for the family he now finds himself in. He may have learned things from Lilia, Malleus, and Sebek, but those three should NOT be held entirely accountable for Silver being the way he is. Several other factors played a role in shaping him to be the cool, level-headed knight we know and love. Silver is… Silver, and sometimes Silver is hard to read or struggles with self-acceptance! That’s just who he is, and that’s part of his appeal.

[spiralsublime]

i would 100% love to read your thoughts on Kingskin x reader headcannons

Thank you for asking as my brain has been cooking over this for AGES.

OKAY.

About the Reader:

Kingskin is canonically bisexual. And also this dude is fucking massive, so I don't think that he is attracted by physicality?? I think he is attracted to VIBES.

In my heart he likes someone with some backbone. People just bend to him easily so a bit of push back is v hot to him.

Definitely part of the underground, he has canon connections to people who have worked in his club and has not, so the reader just has to have a connection to the underground, not necessarily his part of it.

I do think he doesn't get out much so likely, they met in his club. Home turf advantage.

Kingskin in a Relationship.

In my heart he is a gift giver. Kingskin is the King of his club so it makes a ton of sense that he uses that to make his current partner feel like royalty.

He is overtly confident in himself, his desires, and his ability. I think he likes to show off his current lover, lots of physical contact though it is usually only like one handed. (Think about leading with a hand on the back, holding a shoulder)

I think he has had few long relationships, often having a flavor of the week. When he breaks that usual goal, it is big news around his crew and the scene as a whole. (Both characters we met as his exs were longer picks imo)

I would not say that Kingskin is overtly flirtly, rather he is exceptionally blunt. He also has used the concept that most people see him as incapable of tenderness to really pull at his lover. A gentle hand on the cheek, running a hand along your back, ect.

His partner is the only one allowed to call him King. Very few have ever learned his real name and he doesn't react to most nicknames. (This is why we got the "use my full name")

Most of his long term partners have ended because they made him realize that he was no longer strictly "casual" with him. It makes him panic cut off.

He will not accept anyone saying anything poor about his lover, he has killed in front of a lover because of that very situation.

If They Made It Official

This is a no man's land to Kingskin. He has not had a long term open relationship since he took over his spot of the underground.

He becomes hyper protective and possessive, lots of separation anxiety because he knows he has many enemies (and you do too probably).

He just melts into gentle touches from his lover. He rarely allows physical contact to come to him rather than him give it. But he finally works up to feeling safe enough to do so.

Makes them a themed drink lol.

Gift giving gets even worse.

Hearing his actual name from his lover's mouth is an Experience and it melts him immediately.

Big teddy bear energy when he actually allows himself to risk loving again.

This is at least the starter set for him lol. I have so many COOKING. Jennifer Drips?? Vic Ethanol?? I'm cooking. Let me know if you have any specifics you want to see, or more thoughts about this MAN.

[chaotic-kitty]

SPOILERS FOR BB 3X08

I've been seeing people talk about the new episode, when it comes to Phee and her line about Tech.....I feel some people are misinterpreting it a bit? Or at least singling her out.

Yes, sure, the name drop was a bit weird. But it was no more weird than the other tech name drops.

The air surrounding Techs death has been weird and dismissive in some ways by the show as a whole. All of the characters have been acting like it didn't happen, until they drop a line and give a pout and then carry on with the conversation. That's been something that *all* the characters have done, not just Phee. Singling her out feels unfair.

And when it comes to what her line was, the context. I don't think she was acting like she was all of a sudden incapable without Tech. I think it was more acknowledging the fact that they probably wouldn't have had to turn to Phee to find that information if Tech was still alive. Tech was well versed in these subjects, I half expected him to pop out with the answer when they first asked about the M-count. So I don't think she was doing anything other than acknowledging Techs abilities. Because they don't have that anymore. They don't have someone with a well of knowledge that can give them an answer then and there or with a couple of taps on his data pad. They have to go to other people, use other resources.

With her tone about the whole thing though? We don't know much about Phee. Different people grieve in different ways. I'm sure if she had shown more sadness at it people would've also had something to say. And it's not necessarily like she lost a long term lover, so, while there was chemistry, the reaction may not be what you might expect from her. And I mean....they were in the middle of an important conversation and she was clearly pressed for time anyways.

[sonik-kun]

Reminder that WWX did use a homophobic slur (cutsleeve) before he found out he was, in fact, a "cutsleeve" himself.

I'd also argue that him taking advantage of MXY's body and the rumours associated with him by acting as a "stereotypical gay" to get out of situations was a form of homophobia in itself.

He assumed this was how crazy, gay people act - like sexual deviants. He used that stereotype on top of the rumours about MXY just to get out of sticky situations and avoid being captured.

Whilst this isn't aggressive homophobia, nor would I consider him a raging homophobe myself, he still took advantage of the world view he was raised in, which, in modern terms, was problematic in itself.

Think the harmful, stereotypical, predatory gay trope in anime that a lot of anime fans have taken issue with. That's the stereotype WWX was trying to perpetuate and brush off as a silly joke which is bordering that harmful stereotype territory mentioned above. And yet I don't see the moral "holier than thou" crowd talking about that in their analysis on "fictional characters in an ancient Chinese setting."

(Note before I get jumped on: I don't think WWX was being cruel or malicious when he did this. Nor do I think he purposely intended to sully poor MXY's image further. And I ofc don't think that WWX is a terrible person for doing so either. The guy was desperate and needed to pull tricks to avoid capture. But that still doesn't make things right by modern standards. Even if said stereotype was used to goad a load of "homophobes." Would also like to add that even after coming out, WWX didn't really challenge the societal standard or think ill of anyone who thought like that. It's not like he toured the CW with LWJ, promoting gay rights. He'd be very extraordinary for doing that and brave, too. But he didn't. Instead, he just got up to sexy times with his husband daily and lazed about living the good life. Which is valid of him, tbh, giving the shit he went through. But my point still stands. The social norm persists.)

Also, bare in mind, WWX was heavily in denial about his own sexuality at first and struggled to come to terms with it in the beginning due to the societal norms back then, anyway.

Homophobia was the norm. Stop denying that when you know most of the characters found it bizarre.

By their standards being gay was, unfortunate as it is, unusual and to them, perhaps even immoral in its own right.

By modern standards, we know now that it is wrong. And the moral consensus is that being gay is normal and should not be vilified (even then, not all cultures today have reached that consensus and LGBT rights still have a long way to go).

With this in mind and the notion of what morality meant to people back then, you mustn't hold the characters to modern standards because that was simply the world view. What was "right" back then.

You cannot say with certainty that you wouldn't be homophobic back then, in a world where people called it strange and immoral. As much as I'd like to believe that I would be one of the few who find it wrong to treat gay people poorly, most of us probably would find homosexuality strange because that was the moral consensus of that time. As such, it is unfair to hold characters like JC, JL, and JGY to modern standards for that reason. That's the point we've all been trying to make here.

(Even then, JC and JL both watched as WWX left with his hubby into the sunset and didn't speak illy of their relationship again, nor consider them social outcasts like the Jins and Mos treated MXY. It's almost as if people can change their world views entirely (or to some extent) after things become normalised. Hmm. 🧐

Furthermore, MXTX herself said that JC wasn't a bad person. She wouldn't say that if he's the "aggressive homophobe, incapable of change" like you all seem to imply he is.)

You all make this point about historical context when us JC fans criticise WWX for his clear breach of bodily autonomy with the core transfer and his own war crimes. You should apply that logic to the period typical homophobia too. Because as I have said before, you cannot say for certain that the characters would be homophobic had this taken place in a society where being gay was the norm whilst homophobia was frowned upon. Let's use some logic and context when talking about characters from an ancient time period, shall we?

[copperbadge]

Every so often I get an Anon ask where I'm not entirely comfortable responding in public with no cut or warnings ahead of the text -- it's not that anything inappropriate is being said, it's just sometimes the subject matter's a little rough. This is one of those, so I decided to copy and paste it and put it behind a cut; warnings for discussion of abuse and fraught familial situations.

You've spoken about having ADHD before, and i was wondering if you have any links to websites with resources for adults with ADHD that are more than the very generic "stay organised!", "eat healthily!", "avoid distractions!" things? like, something that explains ADHD and WHY getting organised is good, maybe? or how ADHD may intersect with anxiety? my mother finally went to a doctor and got (as i expected) an ADHD diagnosis, but the doctor told her medication wouldn't give her much at this point, which is fine, but she's just kept going as usual for her, which is not.

she has ignored everything i've told her before (like, to think ahead and prioritise, to make plans, to make lists, that she has to be systematic about it, to stay calm because if she has a plan everything should be done on time) but she ignores me. she just starts doing whatever, whenever, and then getting annoyed/anxious that "nothing" is done, and then she starts yelling at me.

i just want her to realise she MUST at least attempt to be organised, and that it's not just for work stuff, it's for everything, including every day stuff like chores. (also, i'd like to stop being yelled at. like, some of my first memories are of getting yelled at. it's been years and years of regular bouts of screaming. now i know it's her and not me, and i'd. like it to stop)

i apologize for the huge ask/rant, but yeah, do you know of any resources that explain the importance of being organised? i think if i show her something 'official' maybe she'll start doing it. or do you have any personal tips for talking to her about it? or a book about someone's experience with ADHD? anything. anything at all.

So there is...much to unpack here, as the kids say, both in terms of what you are asking directly and what you are not asking but what I'm going to address anyway. I don't have any great resources for what you're looking for, because neurodiversity comes in a lot of shapes and sizes even within a single diagnosis, and as you likely know I'm a big proponent of doing-what-works, and that's something a person has to figure out for themselves. A lot of people seem to find ADDitude very relatable and they are informative, but that's probably the best general resource out there to go deeper than surface, and a good place for her to start reading if she wants to.

But the real problem, Anon, is that she's never going to listen to you.

That seems like a real bold statement, but it is also extremely likely to be true. Most people who get a diagnosis start to work on themselves and learn more about their unique neurology; it's clear she's not going to do that, and you can't make her. I'm sure some of it is that she's been told her entire life, by people with much more power over her than you, to do those things: be organized, make lists, have a plan. They are the hardest things for people with ADHD to do, and she can't simply whip herself through them, and so she learned long ago to ignore anyone saying anything about it. Medication could help with that a lot, actually, so your mother's doctor really fucked you both by telling her it wouldn't do anything for her; whether she's taken that as permission to ignore the problem or whether she just believed him, he did a really shitty thing in doing that.

Your mother is neurologically incapable of forcing herself to do many things that neurotypical people find easy. There are workarounds, yes; some of us do extremely well if we decide that EVERYTHING has to be planned, and behave accordingly. Some of us find stopgaps. But that has to be a decision she makes, to find workarounds for herself. It's not something you can offer her with helpful websites or books, because she is also likely very deep in shame about it, to judge from her other behaviors. That's not your fault, which means it's also not your job to fix it.

And here's the other problem: you are in an abusive home situation where your mother is taking out her frustration with her mental illness by hurting you.

And that really really sucks and I'm really, really sorry. But the screaming-at-you, which absolutely should not be happening, is a result of decades of frustration at the world that won't accommodate her, combined with an inability to regulate her emotions. Unless she is medicated or learns better regulation or at least picks a different target, it's not going to stop. That's not your fault either. Some of it isn't even her fault. (Some of it is; mental illness is not our choice but it is our responsibility, and she is not behaving as either an adult or a parent should in abusing you because she can't find somewhere else to put all her emotions.)

Presumably you are either too young to leave or can't afford to, but the best possible thing you can do for yourself is get out as soon as you can, sever yourself from her financially, and then decide what level of interaction you want with her going forward. Honestly, may be the best thing for her as well, to realize that if she doesn't make a change, she will lose access to her child.

I realize that is almost certainly not immediately possible, however. Do not leave if you are going to a less safe situation, either. Be smart and strategic -- make your plans and prepare as much as possible ahead of time.

"So in the meantime, Sam, what the fuck am I supposed to do?"

Bearing in mind that we are going to assume you cannot help your mother, as she either doesn't want help or is in denial or both, the best thing you can do if you can't get out is to shore yourself up: remind yourself as regularly as possible that none of this is your fault, and do your best to protect yourself both emotionally and physically. IE, if she's not organized enough to buy groceries or cook, do what you can to make sure you are regularly fed -- do not concern yourself with whether she eats. That's her responsibility, she's a grownup. If you are likely to be yelled at for this -- well, she was always going to yell at you about something; it might as well be as a result of you caring for yourself first. As much as you can, spend time away from her if possible.

Given her past behavior, especially if you are an only child or oldest sibling, you may already be de-facto head of household; this may be simply a process of assuming actively that she can't fulfill that role, and doing what you can to care for yourself and any siblings. If you have other family who understand the situation, I strongly suggest tapping them for help. As much as you can, reach out to adults in your life you trust, and get their help in caring for yourself and your family without needing to depend on her for support.

I don't wish to stigmatize mental illness or addiction but living with someone in denial about the impact of their mental health on those around them is exactly like living with an addict: the best strategy is to expect nothing from them, remind yourself often that you are not to blame for this situation, look out for yourself first and foremost, and get out once you can. I'm really sorry it has to be that way, because it shouldn't be. But I'm concerned with you, not with her, and if you want to build a better life for yourself, it's going to have to be one that doesn't depend on you being able to change someone else.

I'm afraid I don't have a lot of books for you about that, either. I wish you all the luck -- you shouldn't need it, but unfortunately sometimes we still do.

[actual-changeling]

one thing i really really like about txf is that they aren't afraid to kill off characters.

in most shows, melissa would make a miraculous recovery, mulder probably wouldn't lose both his parents, and there are all the episode-specific characters that are killed simply because

a) it fits right into the plot

b) they can and

c) it adds a layer of realism to it.

if you never kill any of the characters—even minor side characters/npcs—then at some point, the dangers will feel less dangerous, less real, because you know everyone will be fine anyway. but not here.

the stakes ARE real and we are shown and told so over and over again.

scully loses her dad, melissa gets killed in her apartment, mulder's dad is killed, mulder's mom kills herself, there is no miraculous, perfect return of samantha, scully gets cancer, OTHER (returning) characters get sick and die, and the list goes on.

nowadays, way too many people are incapable of consuming anything that isn't 99% "everything will be fine" because processing complex emotions requires complex thinking, and boy are people refusing to develop that skill.

ironic to say, but txf is refreshing in regards to that AND has better representation that most shows and movies being created in recent years. do you know how fucking rare it is to have disabled characters that simply exist? whose disability is right there, it's real, they're not somehow hiding it or trying to make it less obvious.

they are like any other characters, and unless it is in some way relevant to the plot, it's usually not even brought up or mentioned. no misery or inspiration porn, no weird "you're not disabled, you're [insert term that's fucking horrible]", nothing.

even with episodes like gender bender, there is no transphobia, no caricatures, it's treated like any other case with any other people.

you'd expect a lot of ableism in a show about the paranormal since "crazy mentally ill person is a danger to everyone" is a popular trope (disappointing but not surprising), yet as someone who has highly stigmatized disorders—not just in general, specifically in the medical field too—I don't think I have ever felt uncomfortable with any of the cases.

people look back on older shows and start criticizing the language but not only were the terms and concepts named differently and have evolved, i'd rather have a show use "bad" or incorrect language but have genuine, caring representation than someone using all the buzzwords and thinking that makes whatever they do not offensive.

(side note: language moves fast, especially in psychiatry but also in other scientific circles, and the same applies to what i'll loosely call 'community language'. as long as there's good intent and an open ear, i couldn't give less of a fuck if they say transgender, transsexual, or transvestite)

i'm rewatching 'the field where i died' and this episode has one of the best, most accurate portrayals of DID i've seen in probably. ever. is it played up a bit? yeah sure, but it doesn't feel mocking or otherwise disrespectful and it refuses to play into any existing stereotypes.

this post got away from me, but bottom line is that this show is genuinely good in a way few shows are.

[antianakin]

@theneutralmime

Okay, so there's two things being discussed in here that I will try to answer separately.

The first is about Obi-Wan "lying" to Luke about the Darth Vader/Anakin distinction and implying that they're separate people. I tend to agree with you that Obi-Wan isn't doing this for his OWN sake, but is in fact doing it for Luke's because Luke ISN'T READY to hear the truth yet. Mark Hamill has said that he sort-of sees the moment on Bespin when Luke falls away from Vader as almost like a suicide in some respects. If you take that as your interpretation of what happens in that scene, then it's pretty clear that Obi-Wan wasn't wrong about Luke not being ready for this particular truth.

Even if you don't take that as your personal interpretation, I feel like assuming that Obi-Wan was separating Vader and Anakin for his OWN benefit is just a disingenuous reading of the text. Once the truth is out and Luke calls him on it, Obi-Wan has no issue discussing the topic more overtly. And Obi-Wan is incredibly calm when facing Vader in ANH, there's no obvious conflict in him during that sequence. He knows who he's facing, he knows what it means to him, and he's prepared to manage it. He's completely in balance, which is why he's able to just let himself go in the end. If Obi-Wan were truly incapable of handling the whole CONCEPT of Anakin being Vader, I feel like we'd have seen way more distress in him in this film and in this sequence, and we'd see him attempting to try to continue the practice when conversing about it with Luke in ROTJ.

What they have Obi-Wan do in the Kenobi show is actually the OPPOSITE of what everyone assumes is happening. Obi-Wan isn't forced to separate them in his head because he can't deal with the pain of thinking about it, he's just choosing to mourn the version of Anakin that he remembers, the version of Anakin he raised and loved. He HAS to move on, he has to let go, or he'll remain as stuck in the past as Anakin himself is and won't be of any use to anyone. I do love that the separation seems to come more from Anakin himself than from Obi-Wan, something that the Kenobi show didn't even begin. We see Anakin say something similar to Luke in ROTJ and Ahsoka in Rebels, too. Anakin being incapable of coming to terms with what he's done and therefore having to separate who he was from who he's choosing to be is ENTIRELY in character for him. Anakin CAN'T accept change, he CAN'T accept reality, that's such a major core of who Anakin is and why he does the things he does. What Obi-Wan is doing is just accepting that Anakin has CHANGED, that he's choosing to be a Sith, and so he can mourn the person he remembers while accepting that the person who currently exists is now his enemy (and not someone he can save).

Which leads nicely into your second question which is about whether Obi-Wan WANTED Luke to kill Anakin or not. Let's look at what the dialogue is.

Luke: There IS still good in him. Obi-Wan: He's more machine now, than man. Twisted and evil. Luke: I can't do it, Ben. Obi-Wan: You cannot escape your destiny. You must face Darth Vader again. Luke: I can't kill my own father. Obi-Wan: Then the Emperor has already won. You were our only hope.

Now, personally, this doesn't scream to me of Obi-Wan WANTING Luke to kill Anakin so much as it does Obi-Wan recognizing that so long as the Sith remain alive and in power, there will never be peace.

However, you will notice that Obi-Wan never actually SAYS that Luke has to kill Vader. He says that Luke has to FACE Vader. This is important because the OT is, for many reasons, LUKE'S story. It's not actually Anakin's. And one of the major things happening for Luke across ESB and ROTJ is that he has to face his own darkness and accept it in order to rise above it. That's what Vader represents. Vader is not the tragic hero Anakin Skywalker at this point, he's just the physical manifestation of Luke's own darkness. Obviously you can choose to look at this scene with all of the context of Anakin's story from the Prequels and TCW and all the numerous other things that have been released since then that explore Anakin's character further and add more nuance to him. But the truth of the matter is that this scene was written long before any of that was out there in the world. Lucas had some idea of how that story was going to look, he'd written out a certain amount of it, but it wasn't something that was SUPER impacting the story being told in THIS film. This film is NOT Anakin's story. It just isn't.

And the other thing that happens in this scene is the revelation of Leia as Luke's sister. So not only are they discussing the manifestation of Luke's darkness, but they're bringing in a representation of LIGHT, as well, of Luke's GOODNESS. His love for Leia, for this person who's done nothing but fight for peace and freedom since we've met her, who's most well-known line is about HOPE, who is constantly being dressed in white to help get all of that across. THAT'S the other side of the coin. So this scene is telling us that obviously Luke HAS good in him, of course he does, but that he also needs to accept that he has the capacity for darkness, too, or that goodness can be corrupted towards evil, the same way his father's was.

Balance means making the choice to face your own darkness and accept it in order to be able to control it so that you do not succumb to it. And balance is what makes the Jedi who they are. Luke will never be a true Jedi until he achieves balance, and he can't achieve balance until he faces his darkness. So sure, what's happening on the surface is that Obi-Wan is telling Luke that he has to be willing to face the possibility that he's going to have to kill his own father. Other people have pointed out that, with additional context from things like the Prequels and even the Kenobi show, Obi-Wan is saying that Anakin likely won't GIVE Luke another option and that Luke needs to be able to do better than Obi-Wan, finish the job Obi-Wan was unable to complete before. And I'm happy to sort-of incorporate that more Watsonian idea into the Doylist concept of Luke just needing to face his own darkness, but the Doylist one HAS to come first and so many people choose to ignore it in favor of just getting mad at Obi-Wan for telling Luke he might have to kill his father or everything is doomed. Looking at it like that is really such a surface-level reading of the scene that ignores all of the deeper meaning of the entire story Luke has gone on over the course of three films, to me.