#ray is such a complex character that i could go on and on

[bird-inacage]

Only Friends: Can Ray be Redeemed? Is Sand the Solution?

I know Ray has upset a lot of people in Episode 8. I do find it really fascinating how quickly the tide has turned on him, especially when you compare his actions to those of our villains of the first arc: Boston and Top. Perhaps I'm in the minority, but I still choose to believe that Ray does care. He's hugely misguided but not heartless.

Let me firstly preface that none of what I'm about to say excuses Ray's behaviour but is an attempt to unpack why I still hold hope.

A child lost with no anchor

Ray is emotionally immature (which as cliché as it sounds, is a direct product of his upbringing - or lack thereof). He largely operates on basic needs, as a child would: 'I want. I need'. It's all based on serving the self. He seems wildly incapable of thinking very far beyond that. Like a child, he can barely take care of himself, let alone anyone else. He's pretty helpless on his own in a lot of respects. Most people grow out of this. Through knocks and hardship, we learn the world doesn't revolve around us and how to equip ourselves with healthy and appropriate means to navigate through life. Ray however, still seems to be stuck in his infantile box.

I often joke that Ray is a bit feral, but there is some truth to that. Ray's been left to his own devices for the majority of his life. So it's no surprise he's developed this 'me against the world' attitude which is volatile and defensive, but ultimately keeps him caged in said box.

These traits are abundantly apparent in his relationship with Mew. Ray is the vehicle for Mew's self-destruction, but all he sees is the exhilaration of having a 'partner in crime', someone to be in 'cahoots with'. Like a pair of naughty school kids getting into mischief, rather than an adult partnership. Ray is all about immediate gratification over long term fulfilment because (as children do), they don't possess the wisdom and experience to think ahead. Ray seems unable to grasp repercussions or consequences in his decision making. It's always act first, think second.

To put it simply, Ray hasn't been taught boundaries and how to respect them. He just gets criticised for crossing them which doesn’t help him learn. No one has had the patience to teach him why and how. To guide, to steer, to direct, to mentor. To educate rather than scold. Prevention rather than cure. As a result, everyone around Ray serves to clean up his messes rather than equip him with the ability to not create them in the first place. He falls into patterns of behaviour that no one has seriously attempted to break which has only amplified with adulthood. The longer those habits prevail, the harder they are to change.

Does Ray harbour ill-will or bad intent?

Is Ray the worst? In my opinion, no. (Not yet anyway - I might eat my words later, who knows). I've said this somewhere before but intent makes all the difference when judging someone's actions. Choosing to actively cause harm whilst being fully conscious of the impact versus triggering damage to occur as a symptom of your behaviour is vastly different. This is where Ray and Boston differ. Boston acts without remorse, he purposely and calculatingly makes choices that will cause the maximum degree of suffering. Whereas Ray's a loose cannon. He leaves a trail of destruction where he goes, due to a lack of control and means to channel how he feels in a constructive manner. Boston's victims are targets, whereas Ray's victims are collateral.

I don't think Ray means to purposely hurt or harm the people he cares about. Because in doing so, he'll push them away - which is precisely what he doesn't want. (Though saying that, Ray doesn't seem to give as much of a damn if it's people he isn't invested in, such as Top). Ray's world consists of what Ray needs. It's not that he doesn't care about a single person besides himself, he's just so wrapped up in his own needs to even gauge the bigger picture.

When others do point out to Ray that he's hurt them, he does tend to look guilty and taken aback, as if he's thinking, 'But I didn't know. No one told me. I had no idea my actions would cause you to be upset'. Painful levels of ignorance. But I also see a huge amount of internalised frustration. 'But why? Why didn't anyone explain this to me? How was I to know?'

Ray is capable of showing remorse, of displaying guilt. He's not cold-blooded. Anyone who can demonstrate compassion is capable of redemption. Ray is seen to be genuinely appreciative and grateful when people are good to him. He's fiercely protective over people he cares about. Ray was also willing to jump in when Sand gets a call from his mum being in trouble.

One thing I do have to stress is the difference in Ray's demeanour when he's severely drunk/high versus when he's sober. His addiction tends to amplify his most primal desires, his most 'childlike' traits. The uglier sides of Ray presented in their worst light, set to maximum. The raging tantrums, the absurd and unpredictable demands, an explosive and dangerous impulsiveness. People often refer to addiction as a form of sickness, which is worth noting when the person under scrutiny is effectively not well.

Learning by Example

Now let's talk about the huge importance of Sand in this equation.

Let me be clear - it's not Sand's responsibility to teach Ray how to grow up or behave more like a functioning adult. It's neither his duty to be a stand-in parent or caretaker. The unfortunate truth is that Ray doesn't have anyone in his life who plays that role. Who is the voice of reason. To keep him on the straight and narrow. In order to actually incite change, Ray needs to be receptive to whoever is trying to help him. We've seen he doesn't respond particularly well to the majority of people in his life. He's defensive with his father, his friends, deflective and pandering with Mew. The only person he's seen to show any signs of actually listening to and registering is Sand.

Whilst it's not fair on Sand, he might be the only person who has any real chance of encouraging healthy and positive growth in Ray. Because Sand loves Ray, he genuinely wants to see improvement for Ray's own good. I don't think it's a coincidence that we tend to see Ray's more endearing side when he's with Sand. His childlike qualities take on a sweeter, more harmless, playful tone.

He needs someone with an almost parental level of unconditional love to not give up on him, where others have thrown in the towel. Ray's character is essentially a personified cry for help. His mother was unable to cope. His father seems chronically exasperated and far too busy to actually be present. His friends have always seen him as bothersome and too much of a handful.

I personally don't want to write Ray off as a lost cause. Ironically, Sand may be the saviour he didn't ask for, but the one he really needs. Someone who can save him from himself.

[fullscoreshenanigans]

#Emma is genuinely terrifying #Shirai said that it would be dangerous for someone like her to exist in the real world #he’s right ya know #like looking at that manga panel makes me shiver #there are so many moments like that throughout #I mean #Ray was scary for literally five seconds and then suddenly everyone’s safer when he’s around #Norman is waaaaay scarier than Ray but not in a way that gives you chills? #like he scares my brain but not my nerves #Emma triggers my fight or flight instinct (via @esthelle-wanders)

Look at me straight in the eyes and tell me that’s a face of someone who’s ok

[snow-snowball]

Sweetie

A cute moment with him?

Characters: Kou Minamoto, Hanako, Teru Minamoto.

warnings: fluff, little angst with Teru, can cause complexes 🤷🏿‍♀️

w: 1679

a/n: English is not my first language, so I apologise for my mistakes. I'd love it if you could point out my mistakes (in comments or private messages). Always happy to criticize, but not to hate. If you didn't like it, what can you do. Love to chat, so my private messages are always open. Requests accepted! Some pictures were taken from pinterest and edited by me. Dividers belongs to @cafekitsune

Kou Minamoto:

He's naturally a shy guy, and I feel like he might be hiding his lack of confidence.

He still can’t believe you’re dating. (He hasn't held your hand once on a date; he was too embarrassed).

But to you, Kou is such a CUTIE!

He truly respects you and doesn’t want you to feel uncomfortable around him.

So, he tries to keep his affectionate instincts bottled up behind his shyness.

Every time you hug him, Kou desperately wants to pull you in tight, but he fears he might push you away. Instead, he awkwardly pats you on the shoulder. Your eyes widen. “What’s that?!”

“What do you mean, Y/N?”

“Don't play clueless!” You mimic his gesture: a light tap on his shoulder. “This is the bro zone!” Crossing your arms, you give him a stern look. “Kou, you’re sweet and all…” Instantly, his heart sinks. Are you breaking up? “But! I want you to be bold with me!”

“What?…” That’s not what he expected to hear.

“Exactly!” You take his hand and place it on your waist. Pulling him closer, you gaze into his eyes. “Right now, Kou…” brushing your fingers against his cheek, you glance away for a moment, then back to him. “Kiss me, sweet Kou…”

“Y/N...” he whispers, closing his eyes, gathering his courage, and… he kisses your cheek?! “I love you! Bye!” He quickly breaks free from your embrace and dashes off.

“W-Wait! Where are you going?!”

“My brother's calling me!”

“Really?” a thought crosses Teru's mind as he watches from around the corner, observing his brother's desperate attempts to muster some courage. Honestly, to the older Minamoto, you’re way braver than his younger brother.

Hanako:

Oh my God. Him? Sweet? Girl, he’s a total perv!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What can you do?

At first, Hanako was totally over the top with you, sometimes even touching where he shouldn’t! But eventually, he stopped. (Thank goodness).

To him, you became this ray of light that needs protecting. He’s always around, chasing away bad spirits and even, by possessing your body, scaring away guys. (He’s jealous, girl).

Right now, you’re baking cookies using a recipe Aoi gave you. Singing a quirky little tune, you're rolling out the dough, moving in sync with the melody.

Hanako was behind you, intently watching your every move. The moment you turn around and see him, you scream in fright, “Aaaah! A ghost! Begone, foul spirit!”

“Hey! It’s me!” he yells, dodging your playful punches. Grabbing your hands, he bends down to your level. “Ha-na-ko. That’s me!” he says, syllable by syllable as if you were a five-year-old.

You sigh, apologize, and continue baking. Now, Hanako isn’t hiding; he’s right in the way. “Get your hands off the frosting!” You swat his hand, then pop the cookies in the oven.

After a while, you pull out a batch of mouthwatering cookies. “Beautiful! Hanako, want to try one?”

“Sure.” He grabs a heart-shaped cookie, taking a bite. Oh my… THIS IS DELICIOUS! He reaches for another, and another. While he devours your treats, you can’t help but laugh at the crumbs all over him. He looks so funny. “What’s so funny?” the ghost asks, confused.

“Oh, nothing…” You grab a napkin and approach him. “You’re just so cute,” you say, wiping his cheek. His ears instantly turn red, and his pupils widen.

“What… WHAT?!” He recoils and floats up to collect himself. “Ah~ I get it!” the ghost says, coming down to you again. “You’re trying to seduce me? Yeah?~” He tilts his head, crossing his arms, and gets a slap.

“Hanako, you fool!” you shout, running out of the classroom.

“I messed up again…” the ghost whispers. “But at least I get to eat cookies!” He perks up immediately and dives back into the leftover goodies.

Teru Minamoto:

Ugh, he’s just stunning. That’s what every girl says (and not just the girls). Honestly, he’s so tired of these pesky fans, but he has to keep it together to maintain his cool facade.

You loved him. You really did, even though he can be harsh—especially towards the spirits.

You both are exorcists, tasked with ridding the world of evil. But it’s tough for you with such a soft and sensitive heart. It hurts when you have to send someone away, and it’s even worse when the person you love is yelling at you. “Y/N! What the hell are you dawdling for? Exorcise it, you fool!” shouts Minamoto, dodging another ghost’s attack.

The mission was a bust. Since then, Teru has stopped talking to you. He doesn’t even look your way. You couldn’t kill the spirit, and now both of you are injured.

“Hey, Y/N, are you free this weekend?” Lemon asked, catching you off guard while you were reading.

“Uh, yeah…”

“Awesome! Let’s hit the movies then?” He winked at you, offering tickets. “I’ll understand if you say no…” he added, turning away slightly to hide his blush.

“I’m in!” you responded too loudly. All eyes turned to you two; gossip would definitely spread through school.

Teru was walking down the nearly empty hallway, exchanging greetings and receiving compliments. But then he overheard two girls talking about you. “Can you believe it? She said yes!”

“No way! But I thought she liked Teru!”

“I don’t know, but that’s one less rival. Plus, she’s cuter with him than with Teru.”

“Who?” Teru suddenly interjected, approaching them.

“Ah! Minamoto-kun!”

“So, who’s looking good with whom?” he smiled nervously, trying to mask his growing anger.

“Well, Lemon invited Y/N to the movies…”

“And she said yes?” Teru clenched his teeth. The girls nodded and dashed away when the bell rang. Alone in the hallway, Teru punched the wall, leaving cracks and some blood from his knuckles. “Wow, little exorcist, look what you’re doing to me…” he muttered, glancing at the wall.

He waited for you at the gate, the rain pouring down like crazy. The exorcist had forgotten his umbrella at home. His younger brother would definitely lecture him later. To be honest, Teru didn’t know what to say. He had scolded you, ignored you, and now… what?

“T-Teru-san? Why are you standing here? You’ll get soaked,” your soft voice broke his thoughts. He hadn’t noticed you approach and looked up sharply, causing you to flinch. You stepped back, hiding your face under the umbrella. You regretted speaking up; he’d just scold you again.

“Don’t go on a date with Lemon.” You didn’t see that coming. He stepped in closer. You could see his shoes under the umbrella. Teru grabbed the umbrella’s wire and pulled it up, getting close enough to see the smoothness of his skin. “I… I’m sorry. Sorry I hurt you, but… Y/N, please don’t go… don’t go anywhere with Lemon or any other guys…”

“Teru… why? Why are you saying this? It’s just a friendly movie outing.” Your naive charm made him smile without realizing it.

“Just friendly, huh? Then I’m coming with you!” His expression brightened.

“What?”

“Well, it’s friendly, right?” You nodded. “Great! Let’s go together then.” Minamoto gently took your hand, his thumb grazing your soft skin.

“Y/N, I get it, but why’d you bring him along?” Lemon asked as Teru squeezed in next to you, sitting between you and the guy. “Hey, don’t shove, Minamoto-san.”

It turned out that Lemon decided to take you to a horror movie, thinking you’d find it thrilling. Not because he wanted you to get scared and cling to him—no. He noticed you’ve been off lately and figured this would lift your spirits. But Lemon definitely wasn’t expecting to see Teru tagging along. Not at all. It's not that he dislikes Minamoto; they just don't really talk, and Lemon feels a bit awkward around people he doesn’t know well.

You’re smiling now, though, as Teru whispers comments about the film. If you’re happy, then Lemon can deal with having Teru around. In fact, Lemon had already seen this flick, so it quickly bored him, and he dozed off.

“Minamoto-kun, be honest… why did you decide to come with me? I thought you weren’t into my company.”

“I don’t really know… and about what happened a couple of days ago…” he replied after a long pause. “I didn’t mean to upset you. You were just being reckless, and you could’ve gotten hurt. I don’t get why you show sympathy to those who can’t be brought back to life—those who kill for kicks.” Teru looked deep into your eyes. “You’re a puzzle to me, and it drives me nuts.” He sighed and tiredly closed his eyes. Right now, he hated himself; he loathed the contradictions swirling in his mind, even as he thought and spoke this way. He likes you, yet your mindset frustrates him.

“That’s... sweet.”

“Did you hear what I said? What’s sweet about it?” Teru was surprised, thinking his words sounded offensive again.

“It’s sweet that you’re trying to open up your feelings without quite figuring things out.” You smiled softly at him, and his heart raced so loud it felt like the other moviegoers must’ve heard it. “It’s nice that you trust me. But let’s talk about this after the movie—I’m sure we have a lot to discuss.” You redirected your gaze to the screen and rested your hands on the armrests. The screen's light illuminated your face, and at that moment, you appeared exceptionally beautiful to Teru. Without thinking, his hand found yours, gently squeezing it. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he turned to the uninteresting film. Feeling his shiver, you rested your head on his shoulder. It genuinely calmed Teru. At that moment, nothing else mattered: not the people, the spirits, or the rain outside. It was just the two of you. (And Lemon, who’d started snoring loudly, inevitably getting all three of you kicked out of the theater.)

Sometimes, Teru acted like a complete idiot, but for you, he was ready to change, to embrace his feelings, and to become a better person.

© 2025 do reblog, but don’t copy or publish my work on other platforms, or translate (without my permission) into other languages. @snow-snowball

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hi raven!!! you're so cool, than you for taking time to talk to each and every one of us :D

I watched the little mermaid sequel yesterday, and i noticed that the octavinele trio say that the can't come home for winter break because it gets icy :0 and morganas hide out is in the artic! do you think this is a refrence to morgana?

what if azuls inferiority complex is actually inspired off of morgana since it doesn't look like he inherited ursulas confidence?

aydgouogaydnasdas Th-Thanks (*looks away*) I'm just another Twst otaku lmao, I'm not cool www and thank you all for taking the time to chitchat with me ^^

Mmmm... Personally, I think their home freezing over in winter is a little vague to be referring to Morgana's lair 🤔 By that logic, I think it could be interpreted as a depiction of any generally icy waters shown in a Disney film. I think if there were more specific details in there, like the Octatrio mentioning that the Sea Witch had a little sister who favored the waters when it was frozen, or even made a passing comment about how the area is frequented by penguins, walruses, sting rays, and tiger sharks (all important animal sidekicks in the film) this time of year, I'd be more inclined to believe this was an intended and direct reference. As it currently stands, I think it could just be a detail thrown in to conveniently give the Octatrio a reason to stay on campus rather than going home over winter break.

I also don't think that Azul's inferiority complex was inspired from Morgana; though the Twst boys are twisted from Disney characters, not every single facet of their personalities is meant to reflect those of Disney characters. I think Azul's troubles are his own and not meant to be inspired by a certain Disney counterpart, especially since the origins of his inferiority complex and Morgana's are not the same. (Azul was bullied and a single child; Morgana was constantly compared to her superior sister, Ursula.) The Twst characters aren’t meant to be carbon copies or amalgamations of Disney characters; they do take inspiration from them, but are, at the end of the day, their own beings separate from others.

While I don't think the devs intended for these details to be interpreted this way, I don't think it's wrong for you to interpret them as you did. We're all walking into Twst with our own unique perspectives, so we're bound to see different things in the art we consume.

[amphitriteswife]

Can you make a Samuel Seo OnlyFans Hc's please 😭🙏 Thank youuu

Samuel seo onlyfans HC

Source: Lookism

Character: Samuel Seo

Warnings: nsfw content

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👓 Samuel would blurr his face, maybe show his jawline or make the picture that way that you can see his body but the phone covers his face. After all his work and career could get in danger if he shows his face. It doesn’t actually help because from the tattoos it’s very easy to guess who it is

👓 He’s the type to caption his videos normally. For example he would caption it ‘going out for a walk.’ Inly to find out that he’s filming his lower half when he’s walking outside, the sight of his massive print in his pants almost taking up the whole screen.

👓 Is actually open to have sex with other people and post about it. He would be very rough and dominant. It’s his ‘style.’ It would involve slapping, face grabbing, choking and overall very top like stuff. You have to be into that type of stuff if you actually want to participate in it, it’s a regular thing. If you don’t then he’s not really for you. Might add BDSM into that i suppose

👓 Samuel is the type to actually do asmr but not in an outright sexual way. His viewers would know what he means but others wouldn’t. He also focuses a lot on his hands in those scenarios or his chest. His tattoos also play a huge roll into his roleplay, many find them endearing or rather sexy. So why not use it against his own benefit? There would be scenarios of him being your boss, your trainer, your teacher. Any role where he is above you. (He has a inferiority complex for a reason-)

👓 it’s not necessary his own doing but a lot of people use his body or voice for captions or advertisements. It wouldn’t be a surprise if you come across a video of boyfriend asmr with his face of body. He doesn’t really care for it to be honest as long as it doesn’t get out of hand. If it does you’ll get your ass beat.

👓 He doesn’t actually use many toys. He isn’t fond of them and prefers to do things ‘the natural way’ what does this mean? It means that he’s either jerking off or actually having sex with someone. He might use cock rings for example or gags. But not self pleasuring toys, it’ll bruise his ego quite a lot although he would NEVER admit it. Why use toys when you can have sex with him? He’ll never understand it and frankly will never see reason with it.

👓 Samuel would let you beg for him, not only will it feed into his own apparently fragile ego but it’s also a fetish thing. He’ll deny and tease you a lot simply to hear those words come out your mouth. He’ll have that satisfied grin on his face when you say it too. He could be generous at times and sometimes give in easier than other times but that purely depends on his own mood or when he feels like it.

👓 to take a look in his pants: 19 cm. Easily probably the biggest in the verse (he’s PTJ’s fan service). Right amount of veins and prides himself in it. Purely because he thinks it looks masculine that way. Actually doesn’t have a much obvious curve. It’s rather more straight forward. Thickness is pretty evenly divided and the tip is cut yes. He’s very clean as we saw a few times in the manhwa, sprays perfume and stuff as well as grooming and using make up. This also applies to the x-ray. He actually had laser treatment and he smells really nice during sex. He also doesn’t sweat easily.

👓 His watch will probably stay on during sex. He also has big hands which will play a part during it. He’s actually very good with his hands. Both when it comes to fingering or just touching your body. No he doesn’t do fisting, he’s crazy but not that crazy okay.

👓 When it comes to role play during sex it’s usually the topics i had already stated before in the asmr section of this post. But he would also take it to rather extreme scenarios. Such as cheating for example. It’s not real but it definitely feeds his ego in some twisted way to know someone choses him over someone else. And frankly if he were to know you actually had a partner and you cheated on them with him he wouldn’t care. I think he doesn’t have his morals straight and doesn’t see it as his problem.

That’s all for now yall😔⭐️

[the-fall-of-hades]

Hi! I've been loving your male!reader works. Can I request something small with Dr Shen and male! nurse reader? I love Dr Shen and your writings.

Hope your crops are watered, your skin is cleared and your pillow is always cool.

Thank you!!! I know I'm new to the Pitt Fandom but I just couldn't stop myself from writing for these characters. Especially since we're yearning for male Reader works.

Okay, this is going to be hella fluffy because I love fluff.

CW: This was slightly suggestive, but it's mostly fluff!

Exhaustion seeped into your bones as the adrenaline from all of the traumas you've seen in the ER left you, the night shift finally over. You grabbed your bag, thankful to be leaving the hospital soon.

There was just one last thing you had to stay for: the debriefing that was done every morning before you all could leave. You had to listen to the attending of the night shift drone on and on before you could retreat to the warmth of your home.

But perhaps it wasn't all too bad, as the new attending, Doctor Shen, wasn't that bad. He liked to add funny jokes into the debriefing, giving everyone a ray of sunshine after such a hectic night. And he was attractive to say the least.

"I'd like to thank the nurses," Doctor Shen said as he neared the end of his speech, his brown eyes moving to you and his lips pulled up into a smile the moment your eyes met. "This ER could not run without you all and I'm grateful to be able to work along side you. You're braver than any doctor here, after all you've seen and all you've put up with. So go home and let yourself be pampered. You deserve it."

That last line seemed to be directed towards you, the eye contact between you two still being held. It made your breath hitch and it took everything in you not to look away.

You managed to clap along with the other nurses, happy to be acknowledged after a whole night of being treated like the dirt under a shoe by patients and cocky interns alike. It was nice to be appreciated.

Finally, he dismissed you all, allowing you to leave.

You were the one to break eye contact first, turning on your heel to leave through the ambulance bay. The fresh air was a relief and if it weren't for your exhaustion, you would've stayed to enjoy it.

However, you were very tired so you kept pushing forward, heading towards your car. As you got to your car, you saw the day shift arriving and you waved to a few of the nurses who were coming.

Your drive home was peaceful, you enjoying the quiet this time. You were so glad to see your apartment complex come into view and you parked close to where your apartment was.

Going up the flight of stairs was the last thing you wanted to do but it had to be done. Finally, you managed to get to your apartment number and you fumbled with the keys before unlocking the door.

The moment you stepped into the door, you saw your boyfriend—Doctor John Shen—already there and taking off his shoes. He gave you a small smile as soon as you walked in the door, the smile warming your chest.

"How did you get home before me?" you asked while you also took off your shoes, not at all surprised since he liked to speed despite it being dangerous. You walked closer to him, tired but eager for a quick kiss.

"I had to be the first one here so I could set it up," John said, being vague as his hands rested on your waist and he pulled you in for a kiss. It wasn't a quick kiss like you wanted, but it was slow, like he wanted to memorize every moment of the kiss.

You pulled away shortly with a frown, your eyebrows furrowed as you looked at him. "Set it up? What is it? I wanted to just shower and go to sleep, I don't want to stay up more than I have to, John," you answered, a groan falling from your lips at the thought.

John chuckled, leaning in to kiss your cheek before letting go of you so he could intertwine your fingers together. "Don't worry, you won't have to do anything besides showering." He led you to the bedroom, where there were massage oils on the nightstand besides the bed. "I meant what I said: you nurses deserve to be pampered. And so I'm going to give you a massage."

"I might fall asleep, John."

"That is even better, baby. Just let me take care of you and you can fall asleep relaxed."

You couldn't deny that sounded good, so you practically skipped to the bathroom, a pep in your step at the thought of being pampered. You took a quick shower, eager to get the massage and drift off to sleep.

You didn't bother dressing, knowing he'd give you a full-body massage in the effort to pamper you, so you walked out of the bathroom with your towel wrapped around your waist. You treaded your way into the bedroom again, smiling to see John out of his scrubs and also showered, as he must've gone in the other bathroom to do so.

"You could've joined me in the shower," you said, amused by him giving you space despite having shared showers before.

"Baby, if I joined you, I would've fucked you despite the both of us being tired," John answered with a toothy grin. His eyes fell to your towel and he hummed in approval. "Be a good boy and drop your towel. Then lay on the bed on your stomach."

You acted on instinct to his words, dropping the towel eagerly and making your way to the bed. You laid down on the bed with your back exposed, a groan leaving your lips as you sunk into the comfy mattress below you.

The cap of the massage oil bottle being opened was heard with a crisp "snap!" and you then heard him pour some of the oil on his hands, warming it up before getting to work. You moaned softly as soon as his hands rested on your neck, John working his magic and massaging the oil into your skin.

Already, your body was relaxing and you just let go of all of the memories of the last few hours, just enjoying the massage being given. Time was a blur as John so lovingly made his way down to your back, getting all of the knots and tensions in your body.

As he moved down to your butt and legs, your exhaustion couldn't be staved off. Your eyes fluttered closed, knowing you were safe in the hands of your boyfriend.

MDNI & Support Dividers made by @cafekitsune

This was far longer than I thought it would be but I couldn't stop writing it until it was all out. I hope this was to your liking and I hope you enjoyed reading it!

Requests are open!

[thatswhatsushesaid]

sometimes i have to remind people that JGS's a horrible and terrifying person. i sigh every single time bc people forget for some reason. is there anything you want to remind the fandom?

oh, many things lol. i suspect the people who most need to be reminded are not particularly interested in anything i have to say at this point, however, if they don't have me blocked already. but in short: yes! jin guangshan is a horrible person who ruthlessly takes advantage of jin guangyao's filial piety to further his own political agenda. he's the selfish, greedy, power-hungry villain that jin guangyao's detractors believe jin guangyao to be, and i think it's a fundamental misunderstanding of jin guangyao's character to state that he "becomes his father" by the time he comes into power. because that just isn't what happens, and there's no support for it in the text.

(edited to add: or rather, the "support" that his strongest detractors rely on to support their arguments falls apart under close scrutiny, because you quickly discover that when acting under his own power, jin guangyao chooses governance and moderation rather than greed and destruction. he's morally complex for sure, and willing to get his hands dirty and bloody, but he is not jin guangshan.)

to anyone reading this who feels tempted to say "but ray, the sex workers, the brothel--" please don't bring these crimes up if you're going to separate them from their emotionally charged catalyst, aka jin guangyao discovering that jin guangshan could have chosen to rescue meng shi from literal sexual slavery, but chose not to because "literate women are too much trouble." meng shi dies from her illness while languishing in poverty, when she did not have to; in jin guangyao's eyes, jin guangshan is his mother's murderer, and there is no one else in the novel that he loves more than meng shi (no, not even lan xichen!). do you hold wei wuxian's several month-long murder-torture bender of the wen sect disciples after the sacking of lotus pier against him years after it has happened and he is no longer vengefully murdering and torturing people? if you don't judge wei wuxian by the actions he takes 1) at his lowest, and 2) when he has been directly provoked into trying to protect himself, why do you choose not to extend that same grace to jin guangyao?*

* this is not actually an invitation to @ me with discourse on this post unless you're going to be normal about it. if you can't be normal, please save us both the time and energy we'd otherwise waste spatting with each other, and just, idk. go play the sims or something.

---

this post has been added to my dreamwidth meta archive here: https://thatswhatsushewrote.dreamwidth.org/1256.html

[certaincollectionlandblog]

Domestic life with the book guys featuring the Twisted series by Ana Huang

*In honor of the fact that I have been so stressed my period came a whole two weeks early (live, laugh, love) please enjoy the absolute outpour of content this following week :)

Alex Volkov (Twisted Love by Ana Huang)

If we are going strictly off of Alex's character in Twisted Love it can be safe to assume that he is not going to be warm and mushy. This does not mean that there won't be any larger than life proclamations of love (I mean this man dropped 40k easy on a painting just because his girl wanted it), but he isn't going to be doing anything over the top in public

Following the previous point if you are expecting PDA I hate to tell you the most you'll be getting is maybe some light hand holding and a very quick hug

If there is a book man who is the definition of introverted I so see Alex fitting that description

He may not tell you he loves you verbally, but there are other ways he shows you. He might keep your favorite snacks in stock at the house so you never run out. He is going to have all of your favorite games and movies at the house so if you ever want to stay in you're able to.

Now if we're going off of Alex's character development throughout the Twisted Series and further on we can tell Alex is slowly coming out of his shell. He is still severely introverted, but he clearly is getting better at mild PDA.

Alex is as Taylor Swift would say Midnight Rain and he honestly just needs someone who will either be an absolute ray of sunshine or loves to dance in that rain (metaphorically speaking of course he would never actually want to dance in the rain for fear of getting you sick)

As we can clearly tell that man is constantly dropping a pretty penny on whatever you want. Looked a little too long at the purse in the window and boom it's wrapped up on the table when you get home. Mention wanting to read a book ONCE and he has it delivered in hardback (it's also autographed duh)

As far as like living together domestic life this man is spotless. He doesn't leave dirty dishes, dirty clothes, literally anything behind. He keeps control of his life in the form of keeping everything clean, orderly, and planned out.

This clearly follows into the bedroom because this man is never ever going to give over control. "Oh he might be a switch" No. Nope. Never. Don't see it happening sorry.

Alex is clearly not a very words of affirmation person, but quality time seems important to him. He will never admit it, but he is a cuddler like big time. Short of it being a quickie this man is not having sex with you and not getting his cuddles afterwards. Would he rather die than admit this to anyone ever? 1000x yes However as clean as this man is he is not laying in dirty sheets.

He wasn't given a proper upbringing and spending time with you doing mundane tasks around the house heals part of his inner child. You need to go to the grocery store? He's right there pushing the buggy. You need to wash dishes? He is ready to dry and put them up.

Rhys Larsen (Twisted Games by Ana Huang)

This man is about as protective and possessive as they come do we need to revise the chapter on him threatening to burn down parliament? *enter swooning here*

He is a sucker for safety because if anything happened to you that he could have prevented everyone better be praying

PDA is all based on timing. Rhys can read a room and he knows when he gets to let them know you're his and when it's not appropriate

Rhys is former military and he has gone through a lot. This man is a shell of who he used to be and the book clearly showed us that, however Rhys is the perfect example of how if you are broken once before that you won't remain broken forever. He struggles with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), technically it's known as C-PTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). He is so used to giving up control to follow orders that sometimes he just needs to be reminded he's human and that regardless of the outcome everything will be okay.

He loves going on vacations where you can just get away from the world for a while and turning off the buzz of everything going on

As a way to cope with his C-PTSD Rhys uses drawing to relax. You'll often find little scraps of paper around the house with his sketches on them.

It's hard for Rhys to open up, but when he does you understand it was well worth the wait

Say what you want, but I firmly believe Rhys is a switch. This man could truly go either way and I think it depends on the situation. He doesn't have very many "no's" but if anything could seriously hurt you he is not down for it. He is covered in enough scars left by others that he would never want to take a risk that could leave you with that same lifelong reminder.

This man is the kind to show up at 3am with a dog he found on his way home and how he's only allowed to stay for one night and you end up keeping the dog forever

His phone screensaver is literally a photo of you and the dog because let's be real he can't pick a favorite

This man is a slut for emotional intimacy

If you told him "Oh I got you this cause I remembered you liked them", "I heard this song and thought of you", or "I thought you might like this" he is going to be thinking about it for forever

Rhys is going to make it well known that you're his girl

Josh Chen (Twisted Hate by Ana Huang)

*I have to say Josh is my least favorite, but I will try to do him justice*

This man is a doctor (and a bit of an ass tbh) so he would not trust anyone else to take care of you, if you get sick it's Dr. Chen to the rescue

He loves bringing you random food at work, but he also has a really tight schedule being a doctor and all so if he can't deliver it in person he will have it waiting on you when you get home

Let's be real Josh's personal life is a little bit of a mess and I wouldn't expect anything different from him on how he would keep a house. There would be rumpled clothes all over and the bed might never get made. He would pick up his trash, but if the dishes didn't make it in the dishwasher they were simply waiting till next time to get done.

Now Josh is nothing short of a playboy for the most part so the idea of him settling down will definitely be an adjustment.

Due to Josh being a doctor and still working to pay off his student loans he can't really afford fancy vacations or expensive gifts. Josh really loves just eating cheap takeout with you and watching movies

We all know Josh isn't the best with his words and is really hot headed, this often leads to Josh more so apologizing and a rather decent amount of makeup sex

Josh is the definition of all out rough, break your back like a glow stick sex. He's going to degrade you and yet have you coming back for more every single time. He's cocky and quiet honestly he has a few good reasons to be

He is more likely to fuck now and ask questions later it's just the Josh Chen way

Emotionally intimacy? Josh doesn't know her (maybe a little) but this man is more likely to have you open up to him before he ever opens up to you. He's been betrayed by some people who were incredibly close to him before and he will be damned if he makes that mistake ever again

Christian Harper (Twisted Lies by Ana Huang)

Rhys and Christian are big buddies so it makes sense that they are going to be extremely similar, but different in their own little ways

Christian has little use for moral code and much less what society deems as correct, but if you deem it correct than he is going to break his back bending over backwards to make that happen for you

Christian is the grumpy cat of the group. Sassy, grumpy and yet just the perfect combo of attractive to have that attitude forgotten (almost)

He runs his own security company and if you think he goes overboard for his clients you have no idea how overboard he will go for your safety

He is the definition of a German Shepard boyfriend; looks scary, fiercely protective, and is willing to chase down the mail man if he threatens you

Christian is a make his own rules type of man. If you're uncomfortable or upset he doesn't give a single crap he is going to do what makes you happy

You know this man makes note of everything single thing you like; your favorite drinks, your favorite movies, which friends annoy you the most and why (Christian is an honorary girlie he loves all the tea)

This man is petty to the T

If something small annoys him he is going to remember it until the day he dies

Opening up is hard for Christian and I think it would take a lot to get the point where he is open to freely sharing information with you

He is more likely to tell you about something that bothers him on a small day to day basis than telling you the big stuff from his past

Christian knows that he is the physical embodiment of big dick energy and does not disappoint

I really don't ever see Christian not being dominant, but hey I could be persuaded to think otherwise given the situation. I just don't personally see it

This is a man gives off the vibes of being downright obsessed. If you made cookies that tasted like straight up saw dust he would eat them all to see you smile before you would be able to pry the truth about how bad they were out of him

[fr0stf4ll]

Forge of Starlight - Epilogue - A New Dawn

paring; Azriel x reader

summary; In the heart of Velaris, a skilled blacksmith's quiet life is turned upside down when unexpected bonds begin to form with the enigmatic Spymaster of the Night Court. As she navigates the challenges of her craft and the complexities of newfound relationships, she discovers that love and loyalty may be the strongest forces of all in a world where darkness often lingers just beyond the light.

word count ; 4.1k

warning; mentions of death, fight.

notes; Hey so here is the last chapter of the story, i hope that you enjoyed it. It was something very new to me to write such story but i'm happy that some of you stayed until the end. I'm working on some one shots for the moment, much lighter than this story, my requests are also open for those who have ideas. See you soon and thank you again <333

here is the link for part 16

---

The first rays of morning light filtered through the curtains, casting a soft, golden glow across the room. You stirred in the warmth of your bed, the familiar scent of home wrapping around you like a comforting embrace. As you slowly blinked your eyes open, the first thing you saw was Azriel, lying beside you, his gaze already on you, filled with love and warmth.

“Hello, my love,” he whispered, his voice soft and tender as he reached out to brush a stray lock of hair from your face.

A smile spread across your lips as you leaned into his touch, the warmth of his hand on your cheek grounding you in the present, in this moment that was filled with peace and contentment. You reached out, wrapping your arms around him, pulling him close as you buried your face in the crook of his neck, breathing in his familiar scent.

“Good morning,” you murmured against his skin, your voice still thick with sleep but laced with happiness. You hugged him tighter, savoring the feeling of his strong arms wrapping around you in return, holding you close as if he never wanted to let go.

These were the moments you cherished most—the quiet, peaceful mornings where it was just the two of you, wrapped up in each other, the world outside nothing more than a distant memory. It was a far cry from the life you had once lived, filled with turmoil and pain, but now… now, there was only love, only happiness.

After a few moments, you pulled back slightly to look at him, your eyes tracing the familiar lines of his face. There was a softness in his gaze, a quiet joy that made your heart swell with love.

“I still can’t believe this is our life,” you whispered, your fingers gently brushing over his cheek. “That we’re here, together, after everything…”

Azriel’s smile deepened, his hand coming up to cradle the back of your head, pulling you close for a gentle, lingering kiss. “It’s our life, Y/N. Our home. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.”

You glanced around the room, taking in the space that had become your sanctuary, your haven. The apartment was different from the one you had once shared with Alex, the one filled with so many memories—both good and painful. This was a new place, a new beginning. The walls were painted a soft, calming shade, and the furniture was a mix of both your tastes—modern pieces blended with rustic touches that gave the space warmth and character.

It was your home, yours and Azriel’s, and every corner of it reflected the life you were building together.

The decision to move had been difficult, but ultimately necessary. You had wanted a fresh start, a place that wasn’t haunted by the ghosts of your past, a place where you and Azriel could build something new, something that was just yours. And here, in this apartment in the heart of Velaris, you had found that.

“Are you happy?” Azriel asked, his voice gentle as he searched your eyes, his thumb brushing over your cheek.

You nodded, a smile spreading across your lips as you leaned into his touch. “I am. More than I ever thought I could be.”

Azriel’s eyes softened, and he pressed a kiss to your forehead, holding you close. “Good. That’s all I ever wanted for you.”

You sighed contentedly, resting your head on his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. “And you? Are you happy?”

He chuckled softly, his hand gently stroking your hair. “How could I not be? I have everything I’ve ever wanted, right here with you.”

You closed your eyes, letting the peace of the moment wash over you. Two years had passed since that fateful night in the forest, since you had reclaimed your power and your life. So much had changed since then, but through it all, Azriel had been by your side, your constant, your anchor.

Becoming the emissary of the Night Court had been a natural progression. You had always been skilled in diplomacy, in navigating the complex web of relationships between the courts. And now, you used those skills to strengthen the Night Court’s position, to forge new alliances and maintain old ones. It was a role that suited you, that gave you purpose.

But even though you had taken on this new role, you hadn’t completely left behind the forge. Blacksmithing was still a part of you, a part of your soul. Now, it was more of a hobby, something you did when you needed to clear your mind or when inspiration struck. You had set up a small workshop in the apartment, where you would spend hours tinkering with new designs, creating weapons that were as much art as they were instruments of war.

It was a balance that brought you peace, a way to honor your past while embracing your future.

As you lay there in Azriel’s arms, you couldn’t help but think about how far you had come, how much you had grown. The pain of the past would always be a part of you, but it no longer defined you. You had found a way to move forward, to build a life filled with love and happiness.

Azriel shifted slightly, his hand tilting your chin up so that you were looking into his eyes. “What are you thinking about?”

You smiled softly, your hand coming up to rest over his heart. “Just… everything. How lucky I am. How grateful I am to have you.”

He smiled, his thumb brushing over your lips before he leaned in to kiss you, slow and sweet. “I’m the lucky one,” he murmured against your lips.

You laughed softly, shaking your head. “We’re both lucky, then.”

He pulled you closer, holding you tight as if he never wanted to let go. And in that moment, you knew that this was where you were meant to be—right here, in Azriel’s arms, in the home you had built together.

And no matter what the future held, you knew that you would face it together, with love, with strength, and with the unbreakable bond that had brought you both to this moment.

As the morning light grew brighter, you felt a sense of peace settle over you, a quiet contentment that filled your heart. This was your life now, and you wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

The day passed peacefully, a gentle rhythm of tasks and small moments of joy that filled your new home with warmth. As evening approached, the anticipation of gathering with the Inner Circle brought a sense of excitement. The bond you had with Azriel’s family—the family you had become a part of—was stronger than ever. Tonight was just one of those nights where you could all come together, relax, and enjoy each other's company.

You dressed in something simple yet elegant, a deep blue dress that complemented the rich tones of Azriel’s favorite color. He smiled approvingly when he saw you, his eyes lingering with a mix of admiration and love. “You look stunning,” he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to your temple.

“Thank you,” you replied, returning the affection with a gentle smile. “And you look as dashing as ever.”

Azriel, in his usual dark attire that fit him perfectly, offered you his arm, and together, you made your way through the winding streets of Velaris to the townhouse where the rest of the Inner Circle awaited. The stars were just beginning to appear in the sky, twinkling above like a promise of the good night ahead.

When you arrived, the townhouse was already filled with the familiar sounds of laughter and conversation. The scent of delicious food wafted through the air, mingling with the warmth and comfort that always radiated from this place.

As you stepped inside, you were immediately greeted by Cassian’s booming voice. “There they are! Took you two long enough.”

You laughed, shaking your head as Cassian pulled you into a bear hug. “Good to see you too, Cassian,” you teased, patting his back before he released you.

Mor was next, her smile bright as she took your hands, squeezing them affectionately. “You look radiant, Y/N. I’m so glad you’re here. You have to tell me everything, how was the Summer Court, you have been there for two whole weeks. ”

“Of course haha. It’s good to be here,” you replied, returning her smile. Mor’s warmth and friendship had been a constant source of comfort over the years, and you cherished her for it.

Amren, ever the enigma, nodded to you from her place near the fireplace, her sharp gaze softened just enough to convey her approval. You nodded back, grateful for the bond you had formed with her—a bond built on mutual respect and understanding.

Rhysand was the last to greet you, his expression filled with genuine affection as he embraced you. “Welcome, Y/N. It’s not the same without you here.”

“Thank you, Rhys,” you replied, feeling the warmth of his words settle in your heart.

The dinner that followed was filled with laughter, stories, and the easy camaraderie that had come to define your time with the Inner Circle. The food was delicious, as always, and the wine flowed freely as the conversation moved from topic to topic.

At one point, Cassian leaned back in his chair, a mischievous grin on his face. “So, Y/N, how’s the emissary life treating you? Got any juicy tales of court intrigue to share?”

You chuckled, shaking your head. “It’s been interesting, to say the least. But I think you’ll have to wait for the next Night Court council meeting for the really juicy details.”

Cassian groaned, pretending to be disappointed. “You’re no fun.”

Mor, sitting beside him, elbowed him playfully. “Leave her alone, Cass. She’s already done enough, wrangling all those high lords and their egos.”

“I’m sure Y/N has some good stories,” Rhysand chimed in, his eyes twinkling with amusement. “After all, she’s met some rather interesting characters over the years.”

You rolled your eyes good-naturedly. “Oh, there have been a few. But I think the best story is how I managed to survive the chaos of this lot.”

Azriel squeezed your hand under the table, his smile softening as he looked at you. “You’ve done more than survive. You’ve thrived.”

The conversation flowed effortlessly, touching on everything from the latest news in Prythian to the more personal, day-to-day happenings in Velaris. There was an ease to it, a sense of belonging that made you feel truly at home.

As the evening wore on, the group moved to the sitting room, where more wine was poured and the fire crackled warmly in the hearth. You found yourself nestled on the couch beside Azriel, his arm draped comfortably around your shoulders.

Rhysand raised his glass, his gaze sweeping over the room. “To family,” he said, his voice filled with warmth and sincerity. “To the bonds we share, and to the future we’re building together.”

Everyone raised their glasses in a toast, echoing his words. “To family.”

You sipped your wine, feeling the truth of those words resonate deep within you. This was your family now—these incredible, powerful, and loving people who had welcomed you into their lives and hearts. And as you sat there, surrounded by laughter and warmth, you knew that this was exactly where you were meant to be.

The night eventually wound down, and one by one, the members of the Inner Circle began to make their way home. Cassian and Mor were the first to leave, Cassian pulling you into another hug and whispering a teasing remark about not working too hard. Mor kissed your cheek, promising to visit you soon for some “much-needed girl time.”

Amren nodded to you as she departed, a rare but genuine smile playing on her lips. Rhysand was the last to see you off, his hand resting on your shoulder as he looked into your eyes.

“You’ve come a long way, Y/N,” he said quietly, his voice filled with pride. “We’re lucky to have you with us.”

You smiled, feeling a lump in your throat as you nodded. “I’m lucky to have all of you.”

With that, you and Azriel made your way back to your apartment, the night air cool and refreshing as you walked through the quiet streets of Velaris. The city was bathed in moonlight, the stars twinkling above like a promise of all the good things still to come.

When you finally reached your home, you paused at the door, turning to look at Azriel. His expression was soft, filled with the same love and affection you had seen that morning.

“Ready to call it a night?” he asked, his voice low and gentle.

You smiled, feeling a sense of peace settle over you as you nodded. “Yes, let’s go home.”

—

The cemetery was quiet, the air filled with the faint scent of blooming flowers as spring finally began to take hold of the land. You walked slowly along the path, the familiar weight of the past pressing lightly on your shoulders. It had been a long time since you’d visited this place—too long, and the guilt of it lingered in your chest.

As you approached Alex’s grave, a sense of peace washed over you. The headstone was simple, yet elegant, adorned with a few weathered tokens left by you and others over the years. You knelt down, reaching out to gently brush away a few stray leaves that had settled on the stone.

“Hi, Alex,” you whispered, your voice soft as the memories flooded back. “I’m sorry it’s been so long since I visited. Life has been… well, it’s been busy.”

You sat down, crossing your legs beneath you as you let the silence stretch between you and the grave. It felt good to be here, to talk to him, even if he couldn’t answer.

“I’ve been working as an emissary for the Night Court,” you began, a small smile playing on your lips. “It’s been challenging, but I think I’m making a difference. I’ve visited nearly every court, negotiating, building relationships. I even went back to the Day Court recently. Helion still hasn’t given up on trying to recruit me, by the way.”

You chuckled softly, imagining how Alex would have laughed at that.

“The shop… it’s closed now. I still do some blacksmithing, but it’s more of a hobby than anything else. I think you’d understand why I needed to step away from it, why it was important to start fresh. Azriel and I have a new apartment in Velaris—our home. It’s a place where we can build something new, something just for us.”

You paused, your fingers idly tracing the grooves in the stone. “I miss you, Alex. I think about you all the time. There’s so much I wish you could have seen, so much I wish we could have done together. But I hope… I hope you’re at peace.”

The words hung in the air, heavy with the weight of all that had been left unsaid. You felt a lump form in your throat, but you swallowed it down, determined to keep your voice steady.

“I love you,” you whispered, your eyes stinging with unshed tears. “I always will.”

As you sat there in the quiet, you felt a gentle touch on your elbow. You turned to see Azriel standing beside you, his expression soft and understanding. “It’s time to go,” he said gently, his voice filled with warmth. “We have dinner tonight, with everyone.”

You nodded, giving the grave one last lingering look. “I’ll be back soon, Alex,” you promised. “And I’ll bring you more stories.”

As you stood up, your eyes caught sight of something near the base of the headstone—a small, delicate flower, its petals a brilliant shade of blue, the same color as the flames of your power. It hadn’t been there before, and its sudden appearance felt like a sign, a gentle reminder that life goes on, that new beginnings are always possible, even after the coldest winters.

You smiled, a sense of calm settling over you as you took Azriel’s hand, feeling his warmth seep into your skin. Together, you turned and walked away from the grave, leaving behind the past but carrying its memory with you.

As you left the cemetery, the sky above was clear, the stars beginning to twinkle as evening approached. The world felt alive, vibrant, full of promise. And as you and Azriel made your way to the townhouse, ready to join your family for dinner, you knew that you were exactly where you were meant to be—moving forward, with love, with hope, and with the strength of those who had come before you.

The small blue flower by Alex’s grave swayed gently in the breeze, a symbol of the new life that spring had brought, a life that you would continue to cherish and honor, now and always.

---

tag list: @annamariereads16 @hanatsuki-hime @elsie-bells @shizukestar @rose-girls-world @brit-broskis-cole-fanfic @faridathefairy @elsie-bells @faridathefairy @wolfbc97 @rcarbo1 @kitsunetori @hufflepuff-pa55 @proclivity-for-fantasy-97 @sometimeseverythingsucks @dream-alittlebiggerdarling @angel-graces-world-of-chaos @lilah-asteria @fightmedraco @atomictyphoonkitten @fightmedraco

don't hesitate to comment if you want to be added to the tag list ;)))

[meltedbluecaterpillar]

L’appel Du Vide

you are here! - ch. ii - ch. iii - ch. iv - ch. v - ch. vi - ch. vii - ch. viii - ch. ix - ch. x

A/N: The notes on tumblr will be different than the ones on Ao3. I pulled this from within the pit in my heart. I made this for a reason. And I hope that you hate and enjoy it.

tags: Rook Hunt x fem!reader, aged up au (both characters are 20+), kidnapping and imprisonment wc: 2.8k+

Your janitorial equipment rattles slightly in its cart as you turn the door knob to the now vacant hospital room. The rays of daybreak peek through the curtains on your last room for this shift, your shoulders relaxing knowing you were so close to going home.  The man who once occupied this space had finally been discharged. You hadn’t ever seen him but apparently he had been asking about you. A lot. One of the on staff nurses wanted to gossip tonight. She told you about the oddball staying in the now desolate room. Apparently the patient had seen you come into the hospital before your shift started one night and hadn’t stopped talking about you until he was finally released. He claimed to have fallen madly in love with you, saying you looked exactly like a rabbit he was trying to catch in his recent dreams. However, he had come into the hospital a few days ago due to a bad head injury. The person that brought him in said he was fond of climbing trees and a branch he was sitting on snapped. 

It was strange knowing someone had been that hyper focused on you. You didn’t interact with patients at all. You only cleaned the empty rooms and the lounges late at night. But you couldn’t let yourself feel bothered by it. He was injured and confused. You never saw him, and the nurses would never give up important information to a stranger. You shook the thought away as you turned up the music on your airpods and finished cleaning the hospital room. The woman at the front desk wished you a good morning as you waved goodbye with your jingling keycard in hand. 6am on the dot. Now you could make a quick breakfast and head to sleep. You had the next three days off to recover and get the things done that you had been putting off. 

It was hard to juggle a night shift job and your normal life. But you always made it work somehow. You had to, you lived alone after all. You opened the door to your tiny apartment, slipping out of your shoes with a light kick of your feet. It was another day of proving your parents wrong. They didn’t believe you were capable of independence. They wanted you to stay where they could see you, regardless of how old you were. But being 21 meant that you should have all the freedom to do all of the adult things you could dream of. Drinking a cold beer under the summer sun, buying a strawberry flavored vape like your favorite coworkers, and even just owning your own apartment. You just wanted to finally be recognized as an adult. You packed up your things and surprised them with the announcement. Right before taking off the next morning with the last of your things. It has been six months since you’ve been on your own. You loved it. Decorating your apartment how you saw fit. Eating what you wanted when you wanted. Staying up late and sleeping all day. And complete privacy to do whatever you wanted in your rented space. 

You turned on the light with a quick squint of your eyes from the brightness. Your apartment was tiny. A neat little studio on the fourth floor of your complex. Usually you wouldn’t mind taking the stairs, but today you felt so tired that you caved and used the often desolate elevator to take you up. It was always quiet since you worked late night shifts cleaning at the hospital. You loved the peace and your neighbors did too. You bumped the door to your apartment shut with a yawn and stretched your arms over your head, causing your joints to pop. Entering the kitchen to make a slice of cheesy toast before you showered with your keys tossed haphazardly onto the resin coated counter. 

Your appetite dwindled significantly in favor of sleep the longer you stood in the kitchen space. The ‘after work high’ never lasted as long as you wished it would. But you could always clean and make a snack when you woke up in a few hours. You finished your toast and slowly undressed, dropping your clothes to the floor as you entered your bathroom for a quick rinse. 

Your skin always lingered with the scent of lemony cleaner and Lysol spray. It used to make you nauseous when you first started cleaning overnight. But after a few months you stopped gagging at the overwhelming aroma. You lathered yourself in soap, making sure to watch your hair and face. You brushed your teeth with heavy eyelids as your hair started to coil at the ends, dripping with water. You finished up, drying yourself with a towel and shutting off the light to your bathroom. You slipped into your comfortable pajamas and made sure your curtains were drawn tightly as you eased into bed. Your blankets hugging your body as you sighed with content. When you woke up, your days off would begin. You could wash your laundry, go grocery shopping, make plans to see your friends when the sun came back up, whatever you wanted to do. Your parents always fussed over the world being scary and dangerous but you always saw them as just paranoid because of social media telling them there are monsters and fiends that live online. They didn’t want anything bad to happen to you. But they were just too overbearing. You could take care of yourself just fine.

You’re fine. 

You were fine. 

You didn’t remember falling asleep at all when you settled into bed. 

You remember a haunting dream. Or maybe it was a terrifying memory considering what was happening now. 

The feeling of being folded into an impossible shape and crammed into a wooden box. Your wrists and ankles are bound with plastic zip ties that dug against your skin, something soft and cottony was stuffed in your mouth with an adhesive you assumed to be tape covering your lips. You were staring up at the orange and purple sky with exhausted eyes that never seemed to close. You watched the sky devoid of soft, white, cottony clouds go from the orange sunrise, to the delicate blue of the day. Soon transitioning to the violet and orange sunset, then pitch black with not a single star to be seen. All of this was witnessed through a tiny, circle shaped hole above you. Your body remained folded like origami paper into that impossible shape. Aching painfully to be freed from the suffocating wooden box you were stuck in. Slowly drifting and rocking to an unknown place before you had closed your eyes again. The smell of salt water, the sound of crashing waves. This was supposed to be an odd dream. A very uncomfortable and traumatizing one. Not a memory. You wished it wasn’t a memory.  

A crunching sound caused your eyes to snap open. Like something being cut. Your eyes slowly adjusted to the new scenery around you. It was an unfinished basement, completely empty. Wooden steps leading upwards to a doorway you couldn’t see. A small window where pale yellow light came pooling in, and a dim, orange lightbulb above to illuminate what the natural lighting couldn’t. Dust particles floated around the air, giving an odd feeling of normalcy. 

The oddest part was the man sitting only a few feet away. He sat on a wooden chair, balancing a white ceramic plate on his knee with a hum as he carved an apple slice into the shape of a bunny with long, apple skin ears. He looked strong. Pale, muscular arms exposed, lightly speckled in pale brown freckles. His black t-shirt pulled taut over his chest. Khaki cargo pants that stretched over his strong thighs. He was wearing black combat boots and he would occasionally tap his foot as he hummed and carved. His hair was short and blond, pulled back into a ponytail as he worked with those same light brown freckles spotting the bridge of his nose. The oddest part was that he was doing this with his eyes closed. 

This was a skill he practiced enough to do without being able to see. 

Your expression became troubled as you noticed the difficulty of moving your body. Your arms were bound behind your back and so were your ankles. Thick, scratchy rope dug into your skin, replacing the plastic zip ties. It rubbed the flesh raw and bruised as you laid on your side against a hard cement floor. The part that made you actually panic was the fact that you were completely nude. You wriggled around, trying to sit up on your knees as the cutting sound halted. “Vous êtes maintenant réveillé.” It was the man not too far from you. “Bonjour, mon lapin.” You didn’t speak French. 

Tears of panic welled in your eyes as you lifted your gaze to meet the strange man. “I-I’m sorry do you speak english? Do you know what’s going on?” You wanted to reason him as you pulled your knees up towards your stomach the best you could. At least for some form of modesty. His eyes opened. A vibrant green, something that would usually entrance you with the soft and hypnotizing shade. But they held no light. No warmth. Empty and hollow. The man didn’t see you. 

He saw ‘mon lapin’. 

“Ugly American-English,” He chuckled and pointed the knife at you, bobbing it in his hand with a soft tsk of disapproval. “I teach you, eh, comment dire mes objets préférés.” His accent was a little thick. But you could understand him enough to not ask him to repeat. He didn’t seem much older than you which made this all the more frightening. “To have you imported was difficult. I feed you now.” He beamed happily and tucked the knife into the belt of his cargo pants. He grabbed the plate and moved to stand from the wooden chair as he approached you. Imported? “N-No there’s a misunderstanding-”

“Non, no misunderstandings. You are… Rabbit! You look just alike.” He chuckled as he stood over you, looking down at your naked body bound with rope as you struggled not to tremble and burst into tears. You wanted to go home. You wanted to go home now. Tears started to roll down your cheeks as he kneeled, setting the plate gently on the floor with a clack. He reached around to roughly tug you by your bound arms into a sitting position. You yelped and cried, stress sweat collecting on the back of your knees and under your arms. You tried to kick away from him out of fear with a shake of your head but he softly shushed you as he picked up the plate and showed it to you with another tug on your bare body. Pristine, lined in rabbit cut apple slices and stray pieces of dark red skin. “You eat, or you die.” He continued to smile as he took one of the slices between his pointer and thumb. “Ouvrir.” He instructed sweetly. 

Your eyes darted anxiously from his fingers to his face. Eat or die. Not an intentional threat. It didn’t feel like a threat, just him genuinely saying you needed to eat. “Ahhhh.” He sang as he pressed the sliced fruit towards your lips. Your body was shaking, tears continued to fall as you awkwardly parted your lips and looked downwards. You accepted the sliced fruit. It was sweet and slightly bitter on your tongue. The odd man seemed to be pleased with your response as he watched you slowly chew and look around the basement with a meek sniffle. 

You’re playing house with a disturbed person. If you could earn his trust, you could get out of here. You finished and swallowed, looking sadly at the plate and then the smiling man. “I… I can feed myself…” You didn’t want the stranger’s fingers so close to your mouth. “Non, I do it for you. For now.” His tone was still kind, yet firm. He would feed you this time, and probably the next before you would be allowed to eat with your hands. He pressed another slice to your lips and watched you eat. The process continued until you had finished all of his little carvings. You felt full and a little calmer now. But that didn’t change the fact you were still a captive. The man rubbed the top of your head and gave you two small pats before moving to stand with the now empty plate. “I will bring water.” He assured as he turned and walked away, heading towards the wooden stairs with a soft hum. 

You listened to each step and counted silently. Following along with the pounding of your heart. You counted 18 steps in total before you heard a door swing open and shut. Your mouth was cotton dry now as you blinked away the last remaining tears you had. You used your feet to push you towards the wall until your back was flat against the cool, stone surface. You didn’t hear any voices from upstairs. For now, you assumed the stranger lived alone. 

He didn’t seem upset with you asking him questions. But if you were too invasive that could change. You weren’t in a position to make demands yet either. You could only wait for now even if you felt like you wanted to vomit from anxiety. All of the survival skills you had seen online and in thriller movies had faded away like a worn shirt print. You had no idea what to do except stay calm and think. He seemed familiar somehow. But you didn’t remember ever meeting someone who spoke French the way he did. In Highschool you had friends that took a class, saying it was such a stupid language. None of the words sounded the way they were spelled. You would have better luck understanding Morse Code before you could learn French. The door swung open again, then shut. You counted 18 steps before the man appeared again. He was holding a glass of water in one hand, and a yellow book in the other. “Je suis revenu! Je t’ai manqué, mon lapin?” He was cheerful as he approached you slowly, mindful of his speed so as to not startle you. But you could see he was thrilled to interact. It was extremely odd. You really were playing house with this guy. He kneeled again, placing the book in front of you. “French for dummies?” You read the cover out loud, wanting to force an amused laugh. But you could only guess your captor was growing sick of using English. “Relationships need, eh, communication? We speak your Ugly American English, we speak mon romantique françias.” He cooed as you nodded slowly in understanding. “It’ll be hard to read with my hands tied.” You joked awkwardly as he cupped your chin in his hand and showed you the clear glass with a delicate shake to swish the see through liquid inside. “Not poison. It is water.” He was clearly trying to gain your trust as well.

This whole situation felt bizarre. You had read books, watched TV shows and movies, even listened to TrueCrime podcasts about how kidnappers were willing to throw you in a basement and leave you for days. Torturing you for fun and doing whatever they pleased with your body. But the worst you’ve experienced so far is being tied up and naked. He hasn’t threatened to hit you or kill you yet. It really feels like he sees you as a pet and not his captive. If he wanted to rape and kill you he already would have. Unless this is just a fucked up mind game?

He repeated the phrase ‘Ouvrir’ and you parted your lips. He helped you drink, allowing you moments to catch your breath before giving you more. “I will make hands useable. After you finish water. You may read.” He explained as you went to get another sip. “You will eat again and drink again when I am, eh, returned? When I come back to you. You eat your lunch.” He was having trouble explaining in english. This could be why he also needs you to learn French. Usually captors don’t care about stuff like that right? You finished the glass still craving more water. “You’re leaving me here?” You tried to sound anxious. Hoping to be as convincing as possible. “Oui,” He nodded with a grin as he began to grab you by your arms again. “to get lunch.” He explained with a chuckle before raising your bound legs and twisting your body around until your hands were no longer tucked behind your back. “Please be good while I am away. I will leave you more water.” He offered kindly before rubbing the top of your head and giving you two firm pats. He took the glass as he climbed the 18 steps and closed the door. 

You refused to sit and wait for him to come back. You needed to get out of here one way or another.

[floatingnebulas]

Cassandra Cain/Cissie King-Jones: an examination of how FASCINATING their ship is and how well they would go together. - Part 1/2

I've been thinking a lot about Cassettes (Cass/Cissie) lately, mainly because I'm trying to plan out a bodyguard!Cass AU for them (I'll make another post on that later) and they're so overlooked. Guys. They have so much potential and are so overlooked. They're such good foils for each other, and I truly believe they could be a MONUMENTAL ship. Generational. Life-changing. So I'm going to put my thoughts into words because I want to and I need to word-vomit about these two.

All of the details are under the cut, but here's the long story short. They're basically like, perfect foils of each other. Both were raised in abusive environments that pushed them to reach unattainable standard for the express purpose of becoming either a superhero (Cissie) or an assassin (Cass). Both of them escaped those environments (Cissie was removed by CPS, Cass ran away). Pretty similar backstories there.

But, it's everything that comes after that makes them interesting. They have very different reactions to being a hero and wearing the cowl (Cissie ends up quitting the hero life and vows to never return because she's happier elsewhere, while Cass views the cowl as the best thing for her and a way for her to be a good person and help people). They have reflecting views on murder (Cissie expressly quit the hero life because she almost killed someone and didn't believe she had the necessary control anymore while Cass killed a man at 8 years old and lets the guilt of that kill drive her in her lasting quest to atone that eventually leads to her becoming a hero to do good).

They even have mirroring screwed up relationships with their parents! Cissie blames her mom for a lot and hated her for a while, but still loves her and they eventually came to an understanding after Bonnie went to therapy, and are now trying. Cass, meanwhile, clearly still loves David Cain as her father despite the things he put her through, but also hates him at the same time for that pain (go read Batgirl 2000, their relationship is so complex and fascinating). Meanwhile she also has a complex relationship with Shiva, her mother, who loves her but was never there when she was a child and still hurts her sometimes (now go read Batgirl 2024 where that relationship is discussed!)

So yeah, the two are basically really good foils of each other and that dynamic would be FASCINATING in a relationship (I like a romantic one but I'd be ECSTATIC with a friendship between them too). It gets even better when you consider they're both public figures (Cissie is a Olympic gold medalist and did canonically play a minor character in an episode of Wendy the Werewolf Stalker, while Cass is the only adopted daughter of Bruce Wayne.)

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CONSIDER THESE TWO OMG

Anyway, more details under the cut if you want the full rant with receipts!

First, if you don't know the full details on who these two are:

Cissie King-Jones is the former child hero Arrowette, raised by her mother to be a hero and forced into the role of hero. She eventually became a member of Young Justice, alongside Tim Drake, Kon-El, Cassandra Sandsmark, Bart Allen, and Greta Hayes, watched over by Red Tornado (Anita Fite, Lil' Lobo/Slobo, Ray, and Snapper Car all joined after she quit the team but she did get to know them pretty well). She quit the hero life after almost killing someone because she didn't trust herself and couldn't do it anymore, then went on to become an Olympic gold medalist as a teenager, and briefly played a minor role in an episode of a really popular TV show while continuing to hang out with/help out Young Justice when they really needed it (in a support role, not as a hero). Technically, she was briefly brought back into the field in the Young Justice 2019-2021 run (to help rescue Kon from the government), and again in Absolute Power (when Amanda Waller put a bomb in her brain and forced her to join the Arrowfam), but I didn't like either of those instances so we're going to ignore them.

Cassandra Cain is the current Batgirl, first appearing during the No Man's Land arc and being mentored by Barbara Gordon, the first Batgirl. Cass was raised by her father David Cain, one of the best assassins in the world, and completely isolated from any form of language other than body language. Due to this, body language became her native tongue and she became one of the best fighters in the world. David forced her to kill someone for the first time at 8, after which she ran away and travelled around until she eventually arrived in Gotham and became Batgirl. She starred in the to-date longest running Batgirl solo book, Batgirl 2000, regularly works with the Birds of Prey (led by Barbara Gordon) and has become a regular fixture in the Gotham vigilantes crime scene.

Okay, now actually on to what makes them so interesting. I'm going to talk about three main things: their backstory, their perspectives on murder and the hero mantle, and their relationships with their parents. I'm also going to stick to canon, rather than fanon or headcanons, although I do think there's some very interesting potential for expansion with them especially since there basically isn't a canon statement of what Cissie's doing with her life now. (Personally, I really like the headcanon that Cissie is now a Hollywood star and think that would just add even more cool layers with the addition of both of them being big media celebrities, but that's just a headcanon even though I'd sell my soul for DC to make it canon.

1. Their Backstories

So I've already covered a bit of this, but we'll go a bit more into detail now about how similar their backstories are and how that could give them some common ground to stand on/a lens for which to understand each other.

Cissie, as I already mentioned, was raised and trained by her mom to become a superhero. Her mother, Bonnie King-Jones, was a Green Arrow fangirl and Olympic bronze medalist who tried to help out Green Arrow and Speedy (don't question the timelines) as the first Arrowette but was expressly told not to by them. Bonnie also got carpal-tunnel syndrome from her job typing, and was forced to put the bow down. She ended up meeting Bernell "Bowstring" Jones and married him, and they had a kid together (then he died from shellfish poisoning). Bonnie then projected onto her daughter and trained Cissie to become the superhero she had always wanted to be, with a non-stop regimen of archery, judo, gymnastics, etc.

(Impulse 1995 #28, the first appearance of Cissie King-Jones)

Bonnie claimed that this was because she wanted to ensure the Cissie made good use of her natural aiming talents, but the narrative makes it pretty clear that it was primarily projection and wanting to live her dream of being a hero through her daughter. It's so bad that in the very first issue Cissie's in, Impulse (1995) #28, Max Mercury calls CPS on Bonnie and has Cissie removed from her custody for child endangerment and abuse. This comes after Bart met Cissie, listened to the explanation she gave, told Max Mercury about it, and had to force Bonnie to tell him where Cissie was being held after she was kidnapped so he could save her. It's also worth pointing out that throughout this entire issue, Cissie is ordered around by her mother, calls her ma'am and seems extremely formal, and is wearing a gaudy costume that imitates the one her mom used to try and wear in her past.

(Impulse 1995 #28)

So yeah, her mom HEAVILY projected onto her and forced her to be a superhero with the name Arrowette that used the bow through an abusive training regimen. Cissie, after being removed from Bonnie's custody in a sealed court case, was placed in a boarding school and given a therapist to help her work through her issues surrounding Arrowette. Yes, she did pick Arrowette back up for a bit and join Young Justice, but I'll be discussing that in the section about their perspectives on the hero mantle.

Now, let's look at Cass' backstory. Cass was raised by her father, David Cain, without language and molded into the perfect fighter. This happened because David was frustrated with his students (including Bruce Wayne btw), never living up to their full potential and being unable to meet his expectations. So he spoke to a linguist about body language, and came to the conclusion that a child raised with no access to language and forced to rely solely on body language, would learn to read people so well that they would be practically unstoppable in a fight. So David manipulated Sandra Woosan (who would later become Lady Shiva) into agreeing to carry his child (by murdering her sister, who he believed was holding Shiva back, then offering to spare her life when she came to kill him as revenge in exchange for giving him a kid) and then raised her in isolation to be the perfect fighter.

(Batgirl 2000 #47, #73)

This training came in the form of a blatantly abusive relationship. Not only did David prevent Cass from learning a proper language instead of just body language, but he also explicitly hurt her over and over. He would surprise attack her to force her to learn her surroundings, randomly shoot her, make her fight highly trained adult assassins, and so much more (I'm not going to pull specific panels for these ones, mainly because most of them are multi-page spreads, but go read Batgirl 2000 and you'll see them. You should also just go read it in general). So yeah, extremely abusive childhood that hurt Cass a lot.

Eventually, when Cass was 8 years old David forced her to kill a man. Cass didn't fully realize what she was doing until after it happened, at which point she was horribly traumatized from the experience of watching someone die and intimately understanding what they were feeling (remember how she's so good at reading body language that she can basically tell what someone's thinking and feeling? Yeah, apply that skill to watching someone die.) Cass ran away from David after that and wandered around until she ended up in Gotham at 17, was trapped there during No Man's Land, and ended up becoming Batgirl. We'll talk about the murder and the Batgirl mantle especially in the next section.

So, the two of them have very similar backstories, where they were raised by abusive parents who pushed them to become the best possible of something (best hero for Cissie, best fighter and killer for Cass). This gives the two of them a unique understanding and perspective of each other. They didn't go through exactly the same thing (Cissie wasn't literally shot and eventually forced to kill people, but Cass also wasn't forced into the spotlight and media frenzy as a kid), but they would still have a good empathy for each other. They would each get it. And that's already so fascinating and compelling for them.

It gets better though.

2. Perspectives on Murder and the Hero Life

This is the part where it starts to get really interesting. So, let's talk about Cissie first. Remember how I mentioned she was removed from Bonnie's custody and placed in a boarding school, but ended up taking the cowl back up? This was because she wanted to get back at her mom, to prove that she was a better Arrowette without her influence.

(Secret Origins: 80 Page-Giant, Shafted)

She became Arrowette again because she knew she was good with a bow, but was forced into the cowl by her mother and, in her anger afterwards, decided she wanted to prove her wrong. The cowl for Cissie started out as something she didn't want, then a way to prove herself as better than her mother. Now, let's be fair to her. Cissie was a fantastic hero and did genuinely want to help people. She saved a lot of lives with Young Justice, and cared about saving people. As much as she wanted to get back at her mom, she also wanted to make people's lives better.

But sometimes, fighting isn't the right way to help people. Cissie realizes, in pretty much the worst way possible, that the actions of heroes have consequences. There's a targeted attack at her school. Her therapist, someone she's come to rely on heavily and view as a sort of mother-figure, is shot multiple times and killed by her ex-boyfriend and one of his friends. Cissie, in her grief, decides to hunt the killer down through the woods at night, shoots him multiple times with her own bow, and nearly kills him. She would have killed him, if it weren't for Kon appearing and grabbing her arrow out of thin air.

(Young Justice 1998 #15)

Kon offers Cissie a choice of whether to kill the man or not, after forcing her to take a moment to think. Cissie just walks away. After this, in the very next issue in fact, Cissie has a breakdown over this. She believes she's lost herself, that she's a supervillain now because heroes don't try to kill people.

(Young Justice 1998 #16)

Cissie, quite clearly, no longer believes in herself. She doesn't have faith in her abilities to be a hero anymore, not after she almost killed someone in raging grief, and would have if Kon hadn't managed to appear at exactly the right moment. She doesn't think she can be a hero anymore. How can someone so dangerous be a hero? (Don't think about other heroes who have killed people). Cissie apparently has very strong feelings on the ethics of a hero killing someone. But these strong feelings then soon get another layer added to them, in the form of responsibilities.

Cissie is dragged out to the mall by Cassie and Kon, and while they're there, they see someone steal from one of the stores. After being goaded by the security guard for not tripping the thief, Cissie leaps into action, flips through the air, slides down an elevator cable, and knocks out the thief with a roundhouse kick. Objectively cool moves. But Cissie then looks around and sees people's reactions to her fight, specifically kids' reactions.

(Young Justice 1998 #16)

Cissie is unsettled by the kids imitating her. She doesn't like it. Not only, she realizes, did she almost kill someone and nearly break her own moral code very easily, but she inspires children to follow in her footsteps. Kids want to be like her, even though she doesn't feel like she can trust herself. She can't live with that.

So Arrowette is hung up. For good, at the start of the very next issue.

(Young Justice 1998 #17)

Cissie King-Jones realizes she crossed a line, and that she could cross it again. She can't trust herself, the one thing an archer, a hero, needs to be able to do above all else. She also realizes that she's inspiring children, little kids who might follow the same screwed up and terrifying path she did. And she can't live with either of those things, the idea that she might be driven to kill again, the fact that kids want to be like her.

So she quits. She's done. And she doesn't come back, despite the rest of the team and Cassie in particular trying VERY HARD to convince her.

Clearly, Cassie feels very strongly about her hero mantle and the idea of murder. For her, the mantle was a way to help people, yes, but it was more-so about getting back at her mother. And when she's someone who has the power to kill someone and inspire children, she can't do that. She can't be put in that position of power. She can't trust herself with it. Her happiness, her peace, lies in putting down the bow and arrow, and becoming just a civilian (something that we see in later issues she is DEFINETLY happy and content with).

Cass, on the other hand, feels very differently about her hero mantle. She didn't become a hero until long after she initially killed someone at 8 years old.

(Batman #567)

This event led to her running away from David Cain and wandering around for years, until she arrives in Gotham City. There, she works as one of Barbara's runners during the No Man's Land arc, and her skill is quickly noticed by Batman. Cass becomes Batgirl pretty quickly.

Through her whole tenure as Batgirl, Cass is DETERMINED to save as many people as she can. She doesn't seem to really care about her own identity, about how hurt she gets, or what the risk to herself is as long as she can save people. The life of another person is worth more than her own safety. She's dedicated to the role of hero. And, there's a pretty simple explanation for why she's like this.

Guilt.

Cassandra Cain never got over killing someone at 8 years old. She felt the death. She understood, intimately, by reading the man's body language, exactly what happened when she killed the man. (I can't find the issue where it says this but if anyone else knows it PLEASE TELL ME AND I'LL ADD IT). She's wrecked with guilt and that guilt is what fuels her. If she can save enough people, if she can help everyone she can, then maybe, just maybe, she'll be able to balance the scales. Maybe she can make up for the life she took. Maybe she can atone and become a good person. (Cass will never think it's been enough. She'll never think the scales are balanced. She'll always see herself as a murderer, not a hero.)

(Batgirl 2000 #5)

So for Cass, the mantle of Batgirl is a way to help make up for her past wrong, a way for her to be a good person. She's bad without the cowl, but with it, she can atone. She can save lives to make up for her murdering someone.

For Cissie, the mantle of Arrowette is something that will make her a bad person. If she puts that cowl back on, if she picks up her costume, she will be hurting people. She may not actually kill anyone, but she will be inspiring kids and that's unacceptable.

For Cass, the murder means she needs the cowl.

For Cissie, the attempted murder means she can never put the cowl back on.

It's such a FASCINATING difference between the two, such a different way for them to look at everything they've done and how that affects their role as a hero. They both despise the idea of murdering someone, can't accept doing it, and it manifests so differently in them. It's super interesting and would be the backdrop of a really cool dynamic. Cass, using her murder as fuel to be a better hero, while Cissie uses her attempted murder as a reason to never be a hero again.

I really want to see a conversation between the two of them about this. I think I'd die if DC ever did that (we all know they won't because they're stupid). They would both just, well, understand in a way that most other people wouldn't. They would get it. They'd be there, in a shared trauma and refusal to murder that intertwines intrinsically with their hero identities and their position in life, and they'd be beautiful.

So uh. I just realized there's a limit on how many images you can put in a single post on Tumblr. I need more images. I have so many receipts. I'm splitting this up because I have no other options.

Part 2.

Bodyguard AU I Mentioned

[paingoes]

Destroyer - Light Show

(Masterlist)

(Content: living weapon whumpee, implied minor character(s) death, sensory overload, magical exhaustion, fainting, hiding injury, dehumanization)

For a moment, sunlight streamed in through the window with a terrible clarity. The ship was pulling into the orbit of the red star’s nearest planet, catching violent rays. Gradually, the planet began to eclipse their view of the star, until the ship was once again immersed in black night. They were drawing closer to their destination. On the earth below, all was silent.

“Get up,” Paris hissed with urgency, shaking Delta awake. Delta’s eyes shot open. He recoiled, pulling himself back into the corner. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, his alarm grew.

“I’m sorry,” he said hurriedly, thinking he had overslept. It was impossible to tell in space. But Paris shook his head, reaching for his arm.

“C’mon. I have a job for you,” Paris tugged him out of the bed. 

“I’m not dressed,” Delta protested. Paris paused a moment, looking him up and down. He wasn’t in fatigues, obviously, but he was decent.

“Just put your shoes on. We don’t have time.” Paris pushed the door open. Delta slipped his sneakers on, jogging after him. Paris caught his wrist, dragging him along to the loading bay. He shoved him into a small craft without ceremony or explanation. A pilot was already inside. She waved at him politely, which Delta returned.

Moments later, they were joined by Simon, Dr.Martino, and an admiral that Delta didn’t recognize. Paris and Dr.Martino were in the middle of an argument.

“Just wait until morning, you don’t need surprise with this. They don’t know what we have. That *is* the surprise,” Dr.Martino complained. 

“Shut up,” Paris held up a hand to him, “I want everyone to see it. The Scythians are pulling out tomorrow morning because they think we’ve got it covered. I want them to be here when we launch. God, they’ll be able to feel it from where they are. Let’s go,” He patted the pilot on the shoulder, slamming the door shut behind him.

“You didn’t even give us time to warmup,” The doctor complained, “Didn’t even have breakfast.”

“Cry me a fucking river,” Paris said, barely audible over the sound of the rotors starting up, “Delta’s the one doing all the work, I don’t hear him complaining.”

Delta was staring blankly ahead, still half-asleep, only perking up when he heard his name mentioned. Simon had slid into the seat next to him, looking only slightly less disheveled. Delta looked to him for help, but didn’t have the gall to speak without permission in front of so many people. Simon held up a finger, signing Wait.

The ship blasted off into the night. Below, there were lights from the military camps, but no signs of active combat. They’d settled down for the night, so it seemed. The bright orange and red against the dark ground made it look not so different from outer space. Delta found it oddly peaceful.

“Further East,” Paris pointed out, “And higher up, we’re still in visible range.”

The pilot nodded, pulling up above the cloud cover. Paris sat back in the chair, like someone who was trying to relax but didn’t know how.

“Hover here.” He said to the pilot. The craft stopped abruptly, jostling all of them. There were only clouds below. 

Paris twisted around to look at Simon and Delta. “We’re directly above the mech site. Most of their land fighters are here and the engineers have an encampment about a mile wide around the complex. I need you to level it.”

Simon nodded, “Any preference for how?”

“Whatever’s the most dramatic,” Paris said.

Simon considered this for a moment, “Permission to unleash?” 

“Granted.”

Simon fidgeted with a small device in his wrist, as did Dr.Martino. Delta flinched as the collar around his neck suddenly deactivated, electrocuting him and everyone else in the ship. 

It was like he was everywhere at once. Delta could felt the contour of the entire planet, the depth and order of each form. It was a kind of euphoria and a kind of sickness. He was vibrating, vision switching from black to white and back again as the blood coursed through him. His skin glowed and a deep blue light emitted from his eyes.

Simon snapped his fingers in front of his face, urging him to recenter. It didn’t matter much. Delta couldn’t see with his eyes then. The sixth sense overloaded him, made him fully dependent on it. He tried to focus back in on Simon’s voice.

“Do you know where the site is? Do you need visuals?” Simon asked.

Delta confirmed the target. It was a couple miles below them. Even without seeing it, Delta was faintly impressed, almost sad to destroy it. It reminded him of a launch site. There was a giant mecha inside of the hanger and two more just lounging outside of it. Their features were ursine and bulky. Around them, much, much smaller forms moved. The soldiers and engineers running around camp. Delta could feel the expanse of it, a little over a mile in diameter.

“Lock on. Await further instructions,” Simon ordered him, all business now. He addressed Paris, “We could go for an energy strike. It’d be the most dramatic, probably the highest risk of complications though.”

“Do it,” Paris said. 

“Permission to launch?”

“Launch,” Paris affirmed.

Simon turned to Delta, whispering the code into his ear. In an instant, the clouds below them were lit up as if in a storm. The bright blue glow held for four, five seconds before fading out. A sharp sound, almost like a church organ, pierced the air. The wind carried the sound off into the night.

Delta signaled Target Destroyed.

The collar clicked back on. The sudden collapse of his senses sent Delta lurching forward, passing out neatly. Simon caught him, leaning him back against the seat. A slow stream of blood trickled out of his nose. Martino reached over, feeling his pulse at the neck.

“I want to see it,” Paris said.

The ship pushed off into motion again, slowly dipping beneath the clouds. 

“That might be an issue, Your Highness,” the pilot said softly, as pillars of smoke clouded the windshield. She kept advancing until they were out of the carnage. As she turned back to the mothership, she encircled what was left of the sight, allowing all of them to witness the destruction. A large crater was carved into the middle of the clearing. The vapor coming out of it was too thick to see through. There were no human bodies visual, no machinery. Everything had been wiped clean.

Paris let out a low whistle.

“You think everyone saw it?” He asked the admiral.

“It would be hard to miss,” He responded.

“Yeah. Bet the cameras caught it, too. I had one trained on it, hope we were at effective range. Oh well,” He kicked his legs up on the dashboard, “Let’s go back.”

When Delta regained his consciousness, he was in the same craft, now idle in the bay. Paris was pressing a handkerchief against his nose to stop the blood flow, his other hand gripped at his chin.

“See, if I’d let you get dressed, you would’ve gotten blood on your uniform,” he chided gently, “Hold it.”

Delta took the handkerchief from him. He could feel the blood had mostly stopped, but his shirt was now soaked with it. Dr.Martino was in the seat next to them, unfazed at the sight of Delta’s blood everywhere. It had stopped being shocking years ago. No one else was in the ship.

“You did good, but you need to get up now. Victory lap. Don’t pass out again and don’t look hurt,” Paris warned him. Delta looked at him foggily, prompting Paris to smack him on the side of the head.

“That’s what I mean. Look alive.”

“Sorry, sir. I will,” He was still out of it, but with his hair hanging in his face, it was less obvious. He didn’t look any more tired than he usually did, which was something. Paris wrapped his jacket around Delta to cover up the blood on his shirt. It was several sizes too big and too warm to be comfortable. Seeming to sense this, Dr.Martino reached a hand out to his foreheads, clicking his tongue. 

Paris pushed the door open, rolling out skillfully. He offered a hand out to help Delta down, but was totally unable to resist yanking him the rest of the way. He caught him before he could fall completely. The doctor hopped out next, shutting the door behind him. He looked ill at ease. Even from the hanger, they could hear the sound of frenzied chatter. It sounded like the whole ship was up in arms. 

Not letting go of Delta’s wrist, Paris marched out of the hanger, back into the common area of the ship. All at once, the chatter ceased, replaced with an eerie silence. Delta didn’t look up, feeling the hundreds of eyes on him. All the blood was rushing from his head. Paris moved him forward, not acknowledging anything was amiss. The fearful silence followed wherever they went. As they passed, it was replaced with hushed whispers. 

Paris led Delta into his room, slamming the door behind him. He leaned against the door, laughing quietly. Delta collapsed into a kneel, no longer able to remain standing. His vision was fading again. Paris didn’t seem to notice, immediately moving to his laptop, which was sounding off in a cacophony of notifications. 

“Stay,” he ordered sharply, darting out the door. Delta fainted the second it closed.

[disasterfandoms]

Dating Jason Hayes || A Seal Team Headcanon

Requested: Nope! Just felt like writing Jason :)

TW: talk of death, talk of TBI, talk of war

A/N: Jason is such a complex character that I hope I do him justice. Thanks for reading!

Jason may be a stubborn pain in the ass, but he treats you as if you were the only person in his world.

He can't and won't talk about his work, despite the fact that that's what drove Alana away. He refuses to bring you into his trauma, into what he sees in his head.

Jason would take you on trips, whether out camping or just staying somewhere on the beach. He wants you to feel loved, and that you're cared for. He doesn't mind you being at the apartment, but he prefers to be away from that space, especially because of the memories there.

Bringing you coffee the mornings where he has time before a spin up, as almost an apology for his job and being away from you for days.

At least, should he not have time, he will send a message so you know he won't be around.

Meeting Emma and her boyfriend, getting along with her and being accepted.

Learning about Philidelphia sports, and especially about hockey, so you knew what on Earth he would talk about after he watches a game.

Getting to know the team, and especially Ray, as he and Jase are best friends.

Kissing Jason would be full of passion and urgency, no matter the situation. He kisses you as if you were his oxygen, and he'd been under for too long.

Jason taking you to Bravo barbecues, and constantly keeping you close. It's not that he doesn't trust you or the others, he just wants all his free time to be with you.

Going on walks with him and Cerberus, in a comfortable silence. Those walks are one of the only times you can feel Jason relax, as if the beach clears his mind of everything except the present.

Being with him during his TBI treatments, playing puzzles with him and helping him through any side effects he may have.

Him eventually opening up to you about Alana, and his childhood. He's not one to talk about anything, so it meant a lot to you that he was willing to give you everything he could.

[davekat-sucks]

An interesting line I would propose for Karkat would be that the conflict of progressively losing Terezi at the hands of Dave due to his own emotional deficiencies be a catalyst to take courage and talk to her about what he feels, sorry Daverezi fans, but I deeply believe that this relationship was simply Hussie playing (beyond good chemistry because both are "cool") and it could even be given depth by alleging the differences between troll and human romance, delving deeper with that confused Dave about his own sexuality and at the same time, as he is not prepared to understand the complex troll romance, preferring to step aside in a healthy way and at the same time we take advantage of Karkat's extensive knowledge about troll romance to make it useful in the plot.

This catalyst could lead to a Karkat with more time to befriend Dave and be present in Terezi's life and help her confront the terrible guilt that gnawed at her inside for murdering Vriska, it could have developed with more intensity the increasingly unsustainable conflict of Gamzee stalking Terezi throughout the ship and Karkat trying to calm him down until they reach a point where they have to kill him. It could happen similar to Game Over with a Gamzee out of control, perhaps Karkat calming Gamzee down one last time in a heartbreaking scene and then killing him or asking Kanaya to do it or some moderately useful act like saving the ladies and dying under the Countess's ray. The rector could have a proper place, with more characters remembering their past storylines and mourning their dead alternate selves, Karkat being the one to take Vriska's place, separating the others and forging a better friendship with Strider, who previously helped him intervene for Rose's alcoholism, rather than a cheesy scene where Vriska breaks her glass. Finally, when Vriska must and wants to go kill Lord English after having the chance to escape to a new universe with Terezi, there could be some closure to that abusive relationship, with Terezi renouncing Vriska and accepting that she could never change or correct her in her insatiable thirst for attention and the spotlight (Karkat could help her by understanding the weight of this storyline, killing a loved one), saying goodbye to her to find her own path in the new universe and saving the character from seven years of absolute nothingness in space searching for someone who didn't even think about her as soon as she returned (epilogues).

And we're spared John Meat literally telling her to her face that Vriska is a terrible person who didn't deserve her.

Well, those are just a few ideas I would have changed.

This is an interesting approach and would have liked that better than what we got. As much as I love Daverezi, it is definitely one of the parallels of troll x human relationship compared to JohnVris and Jadekat that I think the outcome is that it can barely work by the end. Doomed Timeline implies they can be a thing, but the journey self improvement on both ends is needed (and Paradox Space saying they can't be more than what they are). Karkat's friendship with Dave here is also actually fleshed out well compared to Act 6 in both Pre- and Post Retcon. It actually shows them caring about the people in the meteor and not being lazy fucks. Dave and Karkat are acting like pimps with Wayward Vagabond being their pet ho and that's just awful.

[thatswhatsushesaid]

mysterious lotus casebook has thrown such a wrench into the gears when it comes to accurately guessing who my favourite character is going to be in any given cdrama or novel. like

okay it goes without saying at this point why i like jin guangyao, especially if you've been following my blog for longer than five minutes. tl;dr antagonist of circumstance who could have been the protagonist but for the POV of the novel; the unresolved yearning and shared sanctuary of his dynamic with lxc; the absolute dogshit treatment he gets in the fandom discourse. he's ray bait. of course i love and stan.

then there's shi wudu from tgcf, a character i absolutely did not see myself coming to like and stan the way that i have, but if mxtx didn't want me to find him so sympathetic and compelling, she shouldn't have written him desperately trying to comfort shi qingxuan while he was sobbing uncontrollably over he xuan ordering him to cut his own brother's head off. 🥲 also his metal "i make my own fate" monologue, which i need to revisit sometime just to gush about it here, it's so good! and then there's no one at his funeral other than xie lian, ling wen and pei ming--and pei ming, oh!! "i don't even know if your eyes are closed," he says when he finds shi wudu's remains. waaahhh still not over it.

then we have xiao jinghuan from nirvana in fire who, and i cannot stress this enough, is a beautiful, articulate, intelligent, talking trash can prince who would drive a cybertruck. i want to shake him aggressively and also put him in a position where he can make different choices, because i just strongly believe that in the right fix-it scenario, he could survive the events of the show! no really, i think he could! would he be a better person, exactly? ...i mean, no, but do you really want him to be? i need him to be that guy who invites himself to parties only to leave in the middle of conversations to go outside and take a call on his stupid bluetooth device that he never removes from his ear, ever.

also i think a geology degree might fix at least 30% of his problems. we need to treat him like a cat, you can't discipline him towards making better decisions, you just have to redirect his attention, in this essay i will--

anyway that brings us to who my actual favourite character is in mysterious lotus casebook, and yeah, it's fang duobing.

"one of these things is not like the others" i hear you singing already, "one of these things does not belong" and to that i say no, he absolutely does belong, because just like /gestures @ all of the above, jin guangyao, shi wudu, and xiao jinghuan, fang duobing burst onto the scene and defied all of my expectations about what i was going to experience through following his journey through the story. and yes, usually i am drawn towards the more morally ambiguous characters in a story, but that's often because the protagonist characters don't give me quite as much crunch (nb: mei changsu is plenty crunchy, nobody @ me about that! but he and jingyan are a unit to me, and i'm talking about individual characters right now).

fang duobing delivers the crunch, but the delivery vector is through subverting my expectations about what a character of his type is going to deliver in the story. yes, he is Good™️, which can sometimes be an interest killer for me because the Goodness becomes a stand-in for any real character depth or development, but that isn't the case with fang duobing. from the very start he's complex and multifaceted; yes, he's earnest and sincere and a bit naive (to begin with) and coddled, a well loved young master from a rich family who's never had to want for anything in his life. but he also spent the majority of his early years too sickly to even walk, unsure if he'd ever be able to stand up and actually hold a sword, let alone follow in li xiangyi's footsteps to perfect xiangyi swordplay. and he's sharp, and quick-witted, and observant, and he learns and matures (and, in my opinion, falls in love) right in front of our eyes--and the emotional range that shunxi commands in this role! absolutely outstanding.

none of this even taps into how well he emotes, and i don't even just mean with his expressive eyes, tho those are responsible for making me burst into tears in episode 40, i won't even lie. but you can mark the moment he masters yangzhouman and xiangyi swordplay, because his combat demeanour changes, too.

anyway uh i don't. really have a point with this lmfao i was just mulling over who all my favourite characters have been in past shows and books i've gotten into recently (shoutout to wang zhi from sleuth of the ming dynasty, who i did not include here only because i haven't finished the show), and how fang duobing should NOT be among their number, and yet he is. he is, and i will fight and kill for him 🔪 not that he needs it but, you know, i'm here for you anyway xiaobao.

[kageyamareijiraydark]

Why Kageyama Reiji (Ray Dark) is one of the best characters & villains 

Just a quick summary of his life, traumas and faults.

While some people might agree with the title of this post, I think there still are many ie fans who consider Kageyama Reiji to be a naturally evil man without scruples and morals who acts evil just for the sake of it. This is a very simplistic view which completely flattens the complexities of this character. It is true that IE is an anime with a young target audience, but there are also many dark details and sensitive issues that are worth focusing and reflecting on even and especially as teenagers or adults.

As regards Kageyama Reiji's childhood, I think we all know that Reiji has only negative memories of it. Reiji was of kindergarten age when he saw his beloved father, the great soccer player Kageyama Tougo, go from being a celebrity acclaimed by everyone to being the disappointment of an entire nation, which lead him to break down and abandon his family. Reiji saw his family shattered within a very short period of time, as his mother died around this time, thus leaving her son completely alone. All of Reiji’s memories are inextricably linked to the moment when he witnessed his father being not only humiliated on the football pitch, but also insulted and basically “verbally abused” by hundreds of “fans”, who were immediately ready to trade their “soccer idol” for another more talented one. (The scene where Reiji is among those “soccer fans” who were throwing stuff at Tougo is kinda heartbreaking)

From this moment on, a rapid decline of Kageyama family’s life into death and loneliness began (or simply continued). As i wrote earlier, Reiji gets abandoned by his parents, and it’s precisely this aspect that I’d like to focus on...  When Reiji gets arrested for the last, final time, Onigawara Gengorou (Gregory Smith), the man who spends the whole series investigating on Kageyama’s past, says that it’s impossible that Reiji was the man behind all the potentially criminal actions that have been taking place in the last 40 years (since the day the Inazuma Eleven’s bus got hijacked). If we take into account other explanations given by Onigawara himself, we understand that his doubts are well-founded, because at the time of the incident I just mentioned, Reiji was around ten or twelve years old. 

We all already know the identity of the man behind all of Reiji’s actions: Garshield (Zoolan). He was the one that approached Reiji when this latter was a merely traumatized, wounded, lonely child, instilling in him the desire for revenge, fuelling it by promising him all sort of stuff.

Of course, nothing and no one can justify the crimes to which Reiji actually contributed (thus getting his own hands dirty since he was a child while his puppet master - Garshield - was watching everything from afar and enjoying the money he got from his shady deeds). 

Now, I don’t know whether Reiji saw Garshield as a sort of “father figure” who would help him heal from all the pain through revenge, maybe he did see him that way at first, but regardless of this he indeed spent the most crucial years of his life with Garshield as his only adult figure of reference. Could he ever have become a functional adult?

When Reiji realizes he can no longer submit to Garshield’s orders, this latter calls him a mere pawns in his hands and, while referring to the incident that will took Reiji’s life away, he states that death is what you have to expect when you bite the had that fed you. I don’t know about other dubs, but in the Italian one Reiji often emphasises to Kidou the importance of knowing how to move the pawns as effectively as possible. Mistakes couldn’t be allowed. Spending an entire life to the dependencies of the only adult figure who raised you - a tyrannical figure with no morals - unfortunately led Reiji to repeat the same dysfunctional patterns, attitudes, behaviours he learnt from Garshield. All of this took effort, so much effort, because after all, as he said to Fidio (Paolo), he used to long for the light, but he ended up hating it because he no longer had the chance to lay his eyes on it, so he had no choice but to rely on the darkness in order to survive.

It is now necessary to talk about Reiji’s “greatest Creature”, for it was the encounter with Kidou that first shakes the walls around his heart; it was Kidou’s rebellion that instilled in him doubts, insecurities, fear… and that awakened the trauma of failure, humiliation, loss, abandonment. Reiji’s relationship with Kidou becomes obviously dysfunctional at some point, Reiji literally freaks out when Kidou decides to move away from him (thus breaking some sort of generational trauma cycle). Being abandoned again by someone he cared about was not part of his plans and it is something that tears him apart so deeply that he is willing to do anything (even to attempt to create a perfect copy of him through Demonio Strada / Giulio Acuto) to make Kidou come back to him. 

Another crucial moment in Kageyama’s “redemption arc” is the match between Orpheus and Inazuma Japan, which makes the above mentioned walls falter once and for all. And here some of the credit goes to Fidio. Why him? Why not Kidou? It actually makes sense that someone with a “similar” past as Reiji but who isn’t emotionally attached to him was able to grasp the reasons of his actions better than someone (Kidou) who, whether you like it or not, will forever be affectively attached to him.

And well, the rest is history. Reiji is forced to face with his darkest trauma while watching Fidio play soccer the way his father, Kageyama Tougo, used to play. He immediately loses his temper, yells at Fidio to stop playing like the man who destroyed his whole existence and made him hate soccer… and then breaks down. “What do you know about it?” he angrily asks Fidio “What do you know about the darkness I had to carry inside of me? You know nothing about it!” And it was true. No one could have ever imagined what he went through… Still, there was one last chance of salvation. The veil was torn, the mask fell, and tears started streaming down his face. He was finally ready to forgive his father, to look at the blue sky again for the first time in a long time, to embrace the light, to be reborn… in death. “The darkness is finally over” and so is his own life.

I’m almost done, I promise, I just wanted to highlight a parallelism which I find quite beautiful: the one between Reiji raising his eyes to the sky and being able to feel emotions again after being freed from the darkness and Rushe being able to see again thanks to Reiji himself, who paid the medical expenses of her eye surgery. “ Rushe, I want you to watch closely with your eyes… and feel with all of your senses the magnificence of soccer, the sport I have spent my whole life hating… but also loving. “ Reiji writes in the letter that Rushe will read only after his death. 

The final scene of episode 106 in which:

the news announces the death of Kageyama

Rushe reads the letter and expresses her wish to see Reiji asap to talk with him about soccer

and Jude, hearing the little girl’s words, bitterly sighs and clutches Reiji’s glasses in his hands  

is heartbreaking, almost gut-wrenching to say the least, especially if we take into consideration the fact that Kageyama had decided to take care of Rushe a long time before… he could no longer stand the idea that someone could get hurt because of the sport he most hated and loved at the same time (this makes us understand that he had long ago decided to turn his back on Garshield: his process of repentance had already begun), that’s why he paid for her eye surgery, visited her several times at the hospital, sent her letters… and eventually learnt to love her as if she was his daughter. All of this made him feel a bit relieved: “After all, by doing so you felt that your heart was little by little escaping from the darkness into which it had sunk, didn’t you?“ Nakata once said to him. But the guilt was still too much. The sins on his conscience were terribly heavy. He knew he did not deserve the gratitude, the light, the smiles of that little girl who so cheerfully talked to him about wanting to learn to play soccer from him and who so lovingly called him… uncle (おじさん).