#personally i think for all that jack might or might not have cared about uhh anything (it's unclear lol)

[drinkyourvillainjuice]

is there any way we could get the nsfw alphabet for my girl cg 👀👀

Sure!

...It's definitely gonna be a full alphabetti house at this point...

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Holding her partner close, like she's afraid they'll vanish if she lets go.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

There's a not lewd answer, which is her partner's face, so she can see the emotions.

Then there's the lewd answer and that's what's between their legs.

Oh, and her own boobs, in general.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Getting a little slippery is a great way of making things even more heated, don't you think?

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Back in the day, CG fucked in a lot of weird places. Backseat of the car

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

She's got some experience, but none of it is recent. She may have forgotten the steps.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Someone better be straddling someone else at some point, that's all I'm saying.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

She's intense, but she finds moments to smile. Within the context of being romanced specifically, 'joyous' comes to mind.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Keeps things maintained.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Desperately intense, perhaps even too much so.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

clinically passionless about it. get off, clean up, back to business.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

The riding thing (F) wasn't an exaggeration.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

She honestly doesn't care.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Believing that someone cares.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

No tying her up or restraining her in any way, 'less you want to get popped in the eye, and not in a sexy manner.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Would rather give, cause damn, getting someone to make those sounds- ahem.

But y'know, a hand on a partner's head down there, giving encouragement. That works too.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Fast, rough, desperate.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

She used to be down for these.

In current context. Snatched moments of passion? Sure. Yes. Absolutely.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Frankly, in the context of CG x MC, it's nothing BUT risk.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Might need to build back up.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Owns exactly one (1) painfully businesslike bullet vibe for personal use.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Not that much of a tease. Too caught up in the moment to do that much. It depends, I guess, how much you would consider vocal encouragement to be teasing.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Snarls, gasps, moans. Ferally into it.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Somehow both one of the most and least into doing the do of the ROs.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Uhh, muscle tone?

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Has kept it on the chain for so damn long now.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Literally refuses to sleep until her partner does first.

[creepy-feathers]

Hi are you still doing the when they find out your ticklish thing? If so can you maybe do EJ? I feel like he’d be very doctor-ish about it :p

I am indeed still doing them! I've just been very slow :')

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

Okay, so personality-wise, my version of Jack isn’t all that different from many others’ - he’s quiet, calm, mature, and likes his solitude, spending most of the time either in the infirmary or in his room, when he isn't on missions or hunting for food, of course.

He's a stoic person that keeps his emotions and thoughts to himself, and that means that when the incident happened, he acted like he didn't care. And, honestly, he kind of didn't. A lot of people are ticklish, why would it surprise him?

He had been doing some physical assessments on you to make sure your minor injury was healing alright, and he used his fingers to put pressure on your stomach, asking if there was any pain.

You simply shook your head with a flushed face, hand over your mouth to control the noises threatening to fly out. He did that multiple times in different areas until you were a certified mess of pathetically-suppressed giggles, fighting every ounce of you to not wriggle around too much. He was only doing his job, it wasn't his fault. Still, that didn't make it any less unbearable.

His total lack of reaction made you wonder if he even noticed your hyper-sensitivity, then came to the conclusion that he must have. You were being way too obvious. Thankfully, he didn't seem eager to comment or remember the encounter.

At least, that's what had been initially assumed.

Turns out, Jack is dutifully perceptive and did, in fact, store the tidbit of knowledge away in the back of his mind. Always nice to know random things about the people you live with, right?

He didn’t feel the desire to actually use it until after the two of you had grown quite a bit closer and you had walked into the infirmary one day to keep him some company since you didn’t have anything else to do that evening.

He had been sitting in his chair, writing something of importance in a binder, when you walked up behind him and leaned over his shoulder to observe his work. He didn't really mind the proximity, nor was he bothered by the innocent questions you were asking; in fact, it felt nice that someone was genuinely interested in one of his passions.

This unfamiliar feeling struck a playful chord within him, and he laid his pen down and swiveled his chair around until he was facing you, earning a mildly puzzled smile.

"Jack? Ya done already?"

"For now. Your voice is very engaging."

You tilted your head and grinned suspiciously, placing your hands on the handles of his seat and letting it support your weight. "I feel like that's just a nice way of blaming me for distracting you."

"Nah." His black, soulless sockets met your e/c eyes, his voice taking on a mischievous tone. "Hey, how have you been feeling lately?"

Your brows furrowed slightly in confusion. "Uhh...what do you mean?"

“Ah, ya know. You doing well? There’s no pain here...or here?”

As he said those words, he lightly jabbed a couple of his fingers into different areas of your belly, prompting you to release a startled squeak and take a couple of steps backward, wrapping your arms around yourself for protection. “Mm-mm, nope. N-no pain there, I’m fine.”

“You sure?” If one listened closely enough, they’d be able to hear the devious smile lying behind his mask. “Cause it seemed like you were pretty eager to get away. Maybe I should do another assessment—“

“Heh, no Jack, I—I already said I’m okay. Thank you.”

“I don’t know... Judging by that reaction, I think there might be something else afoot.” Before you could get out of reach, he extended his arms and pulled you closer, and you were no match for his superhuman strength. “I’m gonna put pressure on some spots, and I need you to honestly tell me whether it hurts or not.”

Your heart sped up in fear, but you couldn’t say more than his name before a huff flew from between your lips, caused by his prodding the center of your stomach. He tilted his head.

"You flinched. Was it painful?"

"No!" Biting the interior of your cheek, you desperately tried to squirm away, shaking your head. "N-no, it doesn't hurt or anything, I—I swear."

"Then why are you acting that way?" His tone was laced with faux concern, and you were beginning to genuinely fear for your safety. Your attempt at a sentence spiraled out of control when his hand spidered up the side of your torso, and you shoved yourself away with much more force than necessary.

"S-sensitive! That's all, you—you don't have to worry."

He appeared to be contemplating your words as you leisurely backed up, guarding yourself with a hug. "That doesn't seem very convincing."

"B-but..." That's when you noted it. The amusement in his voice. He was doing this on purpose.

Shit.

Your eyes darted over to the door; your exit, your only hope. He picked up on your thoughts and folded his arms across his chest. "What's the matter? You look scared."

"I-I'm not!" you sputtered, weighing out your chances. If you ran, he'd surely catch you. If you didn't run, he'd pounce. Worth trying, right? So you took off in a hasty sprint, your anxiety growing when you heard the creaking of an office chair, soon followed by the skidding of shoes as they hammered across the floor. You were doomed.

A strong arm looped around your shoulders, stopping you in your tracks, and your blood turned cold. You didn't have much of a chance to string together a plea, however, because his free hand found your ribcage and skittered across its surface in a manner that made you shriek.

"Jack, w-wait!"

"I thought it didn't hurt?" he had the nerve to say, and you grew flustered as he brushed against a particularly sensitive area at the top of your abdomen.

"Stohop!"

"Your reactions are concerning, Y/n."

You squirmed like mad and kicked helplessly, your laughter going up an octave as he kneaded your hips.

He did stop after another minute or so, chuckling fondly and supporting you while you gathered your composure so you wouldn't tumble to the floor.

"Sorry, sorry," he apologized, mirth lacing his words as you stood straight again and shot him a hollow glare. "Don't know what got into me."

"Uh-huh."

[ineffablefool]

AO3 First Lines

Both @ineffable-doll and @flameraven tagged me for this, and I think that is wonderful.  Thank you for thinking of me even though I haven’t had anything new to post for a while!  As for re-tagging, I’m a rebel and don’t generally do that, but if you follow me and are a fic writer and want to play along then I would love to be tagged in your post.  Yes, this means you, the person saying “oh but he doesn’t mean me”!  I don’t care that you write for a book I’ve never heard of or a show I’ve never watched.  This kinda post can reveal patterns, and patterns are neat.

Rules: post the first lines of your 10 most recently published ao3 stories (if you have less than 10 fics posted, post the first lines of all your fics).  

Mine are all Ineffable Walnuts because hi my name is Jack and I have a hyperfixation.

Significant Hand Touches (G)

Crowley’s hand twitched almost violently in his. Just once.

Then it squeezed, firm and steady, before relaxing against his own. Comfortably. Slim fingers slotted between Aziraphale’s fat ones, as though they belonged there, just so.

He smiled at Crowley in the sickly light of the bus fluorescents. If Crowley noticed, he gave no sign.

Sorry (Not Sorry) (T)

“Hello, Aziraphale,” said a warm, unforgettable voice, and for a moment Aziraphale was seventeen again, hands shaking to the rhythm of his heart.

He turned around.  “Crowley,” he breathed.

Fighting A Duck For My Pants And Winning (T)

This is not how Crowley wants the angel to see his pants.

Find Out How Much Love The World Can Hold (T)

“So I have successfully tempted you, right?  Not going to come pick you up for dinner, and instead get roped into helping you unpack a bunch of new old books?”

Aziraphale clicked his tongue and hoped the telephone would make him sound disapproving rather than endlessly fond.  “That was only the one time,” he said, “and it certainly taught me a lesson about asking you to help.”

“Exactly,” Crowley said easily.  “Demon.  Inherently unhelpful.  Pick you up at nine, then?”

Win Condition (G)

By third period on February 14th, there were girls with paper hearts strung along their arms like bracelets, and boys with stacks of them spilling from their notebooks.  Aziraphale, of course, was one of those who had won nothing at all.

Tender (adjective, verb, noun) (G)

“Now come on,” Adam said, “‘s only an hour and nineteen minutes till Wensleydale has to go home.”

The Them tumbled back outside as though they’d never quarreled.  Aziraphale had come to know them fairly well since moving to Tadfield; like any children, they had their occasional disagreements, but this time had been more contentious than most.  For a moment he’d halfway feared it might come to blows.  Once he’d led them to a diplomatic solution, however, they seemed to forget the entire thing.

Dappled And Drowsy (G)

Crowley woke curled into a little ball near the edge of the bed.  The room was filled with thin gray light, enough to suggest that it was probably about time to get up.  Not that there was anywhere to be today, really.  Day off from work, no schedule to keep.  Nothing pressing at all.  Still...

He cracked an eyelid.  Eugh.  Twelve minutes until the alarm was set to go off.  Bollocks to that.  He reached out into the cold air, thumbed the button to the off position, and half-dozed for about eleven minutes and forty-five seconds.

ineffablefool writes some Antonio Penn poetry (G)

Uhh.  Well, this is a poem (entitled “Icarus Had It Easy”) + a ficlet of Aziraphale’s reaction to the poem, so the first poem lines are

I am no dove, high-flying, Rising up to gain the Heavens. Some bird more stygian, perhaps.  Some graceless carrion-eater.

and then the first prose lines are

Crowley can tell something’s up as soon as he comes into the sitting room.  Aziraphale is reading, same as usual, but there’s a dangerously soft smile on his lips, and it’s not a book in his lap but a yellowing pamphlet.  The faded ink on the cover is almost faint enough to let Crowley pretend he doesn’t know exactly what it is.

An angel ruminates on change (G)

It’s amazing how different this lunch is from all the others they’ve shared, and yet it’s just as amazing how much it’s exactly the same.   They weren’t supposed to have this, were they?  There shouldn’t even have been a Ritz anymore.

But here it is, and here they are, each the constant of the other’s life.  Nothing has changed.

Love Languages (T)

The first time Crowley saw the new QAer, his first thought was Tartan?

I feel like my beginning lines are very Crowley-centric.

[thegracefulwillow]

Pandora hearts month day 18: Indescribable horrors/day 19: Unimaginable wonders

@i-prefer-the-term-antihero

[twisted-broth]

And There Was Only One Bed

Context: context is for bitches. I don’t care how or why but there’s only one bed.

Heartslabyul

Riddle

He looks calm but he’s definitely panicking inside. He’s going through the queens rules in his mind to see if there’s anything that pertains to your situation but comes up empty. Of course, being the gentleman that he is, he’ll offer you the bed but he won’t say no if you insist on sleeping together. He’s bright red the whole time though.

Ace

Why? Why is he so excited?? He doesn’t even mention an alternative, he just flings himself onto the bed and expectantly waits for you to follow suit. There doesn’t even have to be anything romantic at all this boy just loves to cuddle. He’s super physically affectionate with all his friends and if he has a crush on you, then even more so. He’ll either be the big spoon or he’ll shamelessly hold you while he rests his head on your chest. Doesn’t even think twice.

Deuce

So flustered! He immediately apologizes as if the whole thing was his fault and starts making himself a nest in the furthest corner of the room. He can’t even make eye contact with you. You won’t be able to talk him into sleeping with you but you might be able to drag him.

Cater

It’s totes nbd to him. You guys can have a sleepover! You’ll do face masks and paint each other’s nails and Cater will document the whole thing on Magicam so everyone can see how cute you guys are together. At bed time, he’ll keep a space between you. He’s not super cuddly at night.

Trey

He won’t be weird about it but no god in existence could get him into that bed with you. It’s not because he doesn’t like you! It’s because he does like you and he would feel bad if he had any uhh… impure thoughts about you while you were sleeping. But he’s the perfect gentleman and will make conversation with you before he insists that it is time for bed and retreats to the nest of blankets he made on the floor.

Savannaclaw

Leona

He growls at you and then goes to make himself comfortable on the bed. Assuming that meant you were sleeping on the floor, you started trying to make yourself comfortable. Looking up, you see Leona looking at you like you’re an idiot. Once on the bed, Leona will turn his back to you and try his best to ignore you. But once he falls asleep, his tail will wrap around your waist of it’s own accord and pull you into his arms.

Ruggie

He literally doesn’t even notice. He’s so tired after Leona ordering him around all day that he just collapses right onto the bed and passes out. You sigh and roll him over to one side so that you can actually have room to sleep. When he wakes up and realizes you two are in bed together he tries some kind of flirty line on you.

Jack

Jack is another very passionate gentleman. He really doesn’t want to invade your personal space but he also can’t say no to you. His solution is that he uses his unique magic to turn into his wolf form and sleep on top of your feet like a big ass lap dog. He wakes up at the ass crack of dawn to run so if he changes forms in the night it’s not a big deal.

Octavinelle

Azul

Absolutely screaming inside his brain but he manages to keep his cool on the outside. He scours through his mind to come up with some kind of solution. Make the tweels give up one of their beds? Use a potion so he doesn’t have to sleep? While he’s processing things like a Dell startup, you snap him out of him by saying you really don’t mind sharing the bed. Oh what Azul wouldn’t do to have an octopus pot right now.

Jade

Why can I not picture Jade actually sleeping? When he’s not working on endless paperwork for the Monstro Lounge or studying he probably sleeps flat on his back perfectly still. When he realizes there’s only one bed, he tells you that it’s fine and he was planning on staying up all night anyway.

Floyd

He’s fucking psyched! Immediately grabs your arm and pulls you into bed with him where he initiates several rounds of play wrestling. It’s fun once you realize he doesn’t actually want to kill you. It ends when he’s straddling you and pining your arms above your head. Then he giggles and asks you why you’re so red.

Scarabia

Kalim

He’s fucking psyched pt.2! He honestly gets really lonely at night and will sometimes crawl in with Jamil if he’ll let him. He keeps you up with him into the late hours of the night, showing you tiktoks he found funny or talking about whatever is on his mind. Once he does settle down, he has both arms around your waist and is snuggled deep into your chest and is out like a light.

Jamil

Kalim usually insists on sharing the bed with Jamil in this kind of situation but Jamil knows that any normal person wouldn’t have the same disposition. He tells you that you should take the bed, but looking at the bags under his eyes you can tell that he needs it more than you do. He’ll be a little hesitant to share, but won’t argue too much since he’s so exhausted.

Pomefiore

Vil

He’s already on the bed and taking up all of it. He tosses a pillow at you so you can make yourself comfortable on the floor. Isn’t he so thoughtful? It’s only because he brought his own pillow with special bamboo silk that won’t bother his skin while he sleeps. Maybe if you look sad enough he’ll let you sleep by his feet. (I’m sorry I made him so mean I swear I actually do love him)

Rook

Rook is another person I can’t really imagine sleeping. Especially not with another person. Even if you two are friends, he’s hesitant to let his guard down around you. And if he likes you then he wants to stay up to protect you. Either way, he’ll convince you to go to sleep without him and he may even allow himself a few passing moments to admire you while you do.

Epel

He’s annoyed, but not annoyed enough to let himself get angry about it. So he quietly asks if the two of you can share since he “doesn’t take up a lot of space”. He’ll start off on the other side of the bed, but throughout the night he’ll slowly soft closer and closer to you. Once you wake up, Epel is latched onto you like a parasite.

Ignihyde

Idia

I think… he would just die. I think he would just die on the spot. He insists that you take the bed since he’ll be up all night playing video games anyway. But once it’s really late and he actually does get tired, he’ll be by the side of the bed, having a very heated debate with himself. All his muttering wakes you up and you just roll your eyes and pull him into bed with you.

Diasomnia

Malleus

It’s a minor inconvenience but he doesn’t really care. He doesn’t usually share a bed with anyone but he’ll make an exception for you. If you get flustered and try to sleep separately he’ll be very confused. He’s not going to sleep on the ground and he’s not going to let you sleep on the ground so there’s really no other choice is there?

Lilia

It’s really whatever you want. If you want to share then he’s totally up for it but he’s fine sleeping on the floor too. However be warned that he will probably spend a good portion of the night just staring at you and playing with your hair either way. Not in a weird way! He just thinks you’re neat.

Silver

This boy can fall asleep anywhere. He’s really not picky. While you’re trying to think of a solution, he’s already asleep on top of the dresser. If he wakes up in the middle of the night then he might crawl into bed with you. He sees absolutely nothing wrong with it. He just wants to sleep somewhere.

Sebek

Goes off on a very long and loud tangent about the poor planning that must have gone into your rooming preparation. He eventually decides that he’s going to take it up with Crowley abut when he turns to get your opinion you’re already asleep on the bed. Realizing that you don’t actually care, Sebek relaxes and grabs and extra pillow to sleep on the floor.

[morozaleks]

Draco Malfoy NSFW Alphabet

I know this has been done for draco so many times but this seemed so fun so I had to. Also, feel free to add to the post if you have other ideas of what draco would be like (this was mostly about mean!draco because he’s my favourite lol)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

He’s not the most affectionate person so he’ll probably do the bare minimum like clean you up, maybe run you a bath.

B = Body part (their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favourite part of his body is..uhh…his dick. He’s blessed and he knows it. His favourite part of your body is your mouth. He finds your lips very alluring, when you talk, when you smile…which leads to the next thing

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

I really think he’s the type to finish in your mouth and also make sure you swallow. It would be like a test of your obedience/submission (and less cleanup involved lol)

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Draco’s dirty secret is that he loves when you both leave marks on each other. Like bruises on your ass after he spanks you, scratches on his back from your nails, hickeys, bite marks, etc. He likes to mark you as a way of owning you and he likes when you mark him because he secretly enjoys the slight pain that’s my explanation and I’m right

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

This might be controversial but hear me out…I think he would seem very experienced because he’s good at pleasing you, but he hasn’t actually had that much experience. He has a lot of other things to focus on and sex/romantic relationships aren’t the biggest priority.

F = Favourite position (this goes without saying)

Cowgirl. He’s literally so arrogant and conceited. He likes when you do all the work and he just gets to lie back and enjoy. Bonus: your tits bouncing in his face Draco Malfoy is a boob man change my mind

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Completely serious. The only time you’d see him laugh/smile during sex is when he’s mocking you. You’d be like whimpering and whining and he’d be like *mean chuckle* ‘am I too much for you to take?’

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Again this is probably controversial but…I think Draco would be one of those clean-shaven guys. He likes to keep everything neat and tidy. On the rare chance that he does forget to shave, it would still barely be noticeable since his hair is light blond and fine.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He’s definitely not the most romantic person and he mostly just cares about making himself feel good but he gives you some crumbs now and then, letting a few words of praise/affection slip during the act when he’s lost in his own pleasure.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He does it when you’re around but you’re busy/not really focused on him and he does it to get your attention because he’s a needy boy OR when you’ve really been bratty he’ll make you watch while he does it and not let you touch him even when you beg.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Daddy kink, sir kink, domination, brat-taming are the big ones because he likes the power dynamic and having control/authority over you. Maybe also a bit of praise kink? He likes the ego boost when you tell him how good he is etc.

L = Location (favourite places to do the do)

I could imagine him having a preference for the shower. When he doesn’t have a lot of time, it’s a good way to multitask. A shower and sex session all in one. 

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

It doesn’t take much. He’s always in the mood, especially when he’s upset or stressed about something. Because he’s not great at dealing with emotions in a healthy way, he’ll uses sex with you for relief/distraction to make himself feel better.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He wouldn’t do anything that would actually be harmful to you or cause excessive pain he might be harsh but he likes to take care of his possessions lol  and I don’t think he would really be into bondage either way because he prefers being able to touch you as much as he wants and to feel your hands all over him, clawing at his back, pulling his hair, etc.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He likes to receive more (I’m sorry but he’s an arrogant prick and he’s sexy for that). Using your mouth for his pleasure is his favourite thing. However, he does also enjoy giving because he’s good at it and he likes to show off.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Fast and rough all the way. He prefers it like that and so do you. Although, he might go slow when he’s teasing you and he wants to hear you beg for him to go faster/harder.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

While he usually prefers a long unhurried session so he can show off all his skills, he is also into quickies. He’s a busy man, so he’ll do a quick session whenever he can and he definitely knows how to satisfy you even in a short amount of time.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He would be open to experimenting. He would enjoy pushing your limits and maybe also expanding his own too. As for taking risks, yeah, I think he’d fuck you anywhere anytime and not give a damn about who might catch you in the act. Like he’s definitely the type to play with you under the table while having a completely indifferent expression on his face.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He usually does just a couple rounds but he can last surprisingly long. This boy knows all about control and restraint.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

His love language is gift-giving, so of course he’s going to buy you all kinds of exciting toys and have fun trying them out on you to see how you react.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He teases you all the time. It’s about the power dynamic and having control over you. He loves teasing you and making you beg for him, making sure you know that’s he’s the one in control not you.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He’s typically quiet himself, maybe a little grunting, because he prefers to listen to the noises you make for him. Although, he’s loud when he’s cumming because he can’t help it, like swearing and moaning your name before he can think to stop himself.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He loves morning sex. It’s the best way to start the day. It immediately puts him in a good mood and he’s thinking about it for the rest of the day.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Above average length, good girth, but also not too big. It’s a stretch to take all of him but it doesn’t cause you pain/discomfort if he takes time to prepare you and ease you into it he doesn’t always

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

High. He is a spoilt, greedy boy. He wants it all the time and he can never get enough.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He only falls asleep after you do. He has trouble sleeping because he’s got so much on his mind. Also, he seems like the type to stay awake for a while afterwards so he can watch you sleep, either because he’s actually soft for you but doesn’t want you to know or because he’s just admiring how wrecked and exhausted you are because of him.

[heavyhitterheaux]

Let Them Know What's Mine

A First Lady of Private Garden Fic

AN: if you come for Jack's boo, he might just want to beat the shit out of you

Synopsis: You have an opportunity to do a feature with another artist for a lot of money. Only problem is getting your husband to approve.

Pairing: Husband!Jack Harlow x Wife!Reader

Requested by: @Bsisbsjssjs

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

With the success of your second album 777, you were on cloud 9 and you were finally getting the recognition that you deserved. Jack and PG couldn't have been more proud of you, but you were always thinking about what's next and how you wanted more. Just about any and everyone wanted for you to do a feature with them and the list was growing by the day. You already had done collaborations with Gucci Mane, Lil Baby, 21 Savage, Lil Wayne, Mariah Carey (a fucking dream), your best friend Saweetie, City Girls, Saucy Santana, and your hubby of course (hint hint go read Sex Lies) but you were always wanting more for your brand just like him and to grow your fanbase.

The two of you had worked towards this level of success for close to ten years and there was no way that you would let up now. That's where your manager Brandi came in. 

She was working overtime to get all of the features that you wanted to do get approved by your label.

However, there was a particular feature by a particular singer that caught your eye that wanted to do a feature with you.

And there was no way in hell that your husband would go for it.

At all.

Everything was a go for the feature as long as you said yes, that’s what Brandi told you.

Being the caring and considerate wife that you were, you always asked your husband for his opinion and vice versa. The last thing either of you wanted to do was make the other uncomfortable or do something that the other wouldn't approve of.

You told each other everything and the last thing that you ever wanted to do was go behind your husband's back and break his trust in you.

This particular artist has openly mentioned how big of a crush that he had on you in just about every single interview that he did.

It seems as if he could never keep your name out his mouth and that bothered Jack to no end.

Like, Jack was ready to throw hands at any given moment over his baby girl.

Well, this particular singer had to get over it seeing as you have been a married woman for now almost five years and knowing you and Jack, that was not about to end any time soon. 

The little crush with Dua was different and just seen as playful banter between the two of you.

If he were to try the same thing, Jack would kick his ass with no hesitation.

However, he was offering a lot of money to get you on his song.

More money than you have ever been offered for a verse.

How much you say?

50k

You admit you had gotten close to that before seeing as Saweetie had cashed out 45k for you. Only the best for her bestie and nothing less.

However you wanted to do this. Get more exposure and let people know that you were talented and here to stay.

Before you approached your husband, you decided to go to your other best friend to see what he thought. Urban would always steer you in the right direction no matter how much the two of you might not agree.

Urban.

"Urby baby! I have a question!"

"If it involves going to pick up another sex toy for you count me out. Make 2fo do it."

"That was one time! I just didn't want Jack to see it and wanted for it to be a surprise!"

"Excuses, excuses!"

"You act as if you weren't compensated for it." You replied while eyeing him knowing that he knew exactly what you were referring to.

"Fine, ask your question."

"Sooo, a lot of artists are wanting to collaborate with me now and Brandi is trying to make it all happen."

"We know this. My best friend is the shit."

"But umm, there's one person who wants me to do a verse and is offering me a lot of money and uhh...."

"What's the problem?"

"This person has outright said how big of a crush they have on me like multiple times."

Urban needed no further explanation and immediately knew who you were talking about.

It looked like he wasn’t about to go for it either. 

"Ain't no way in hell Jack is about to let you do a feature with him. My answer is no too because of how toxic he is. I don't want you around him either. I don't like him and don't like the vibe he gives off. It's borderline disrespectful because he's acting as if you aren't married."

"But Urby he's willing to give me 50k for the verse. No one has ever given me that much. This could be amazing for me and my career. He is huge right now."

"Y/N, you and him in the studio alone? Jack will have your ass and his and somehow my ass will get dragged into it too because I always am."

"I still want to ask him and see what he says."

"Have you met your husband? What the hell do you think would make him say yes?"

Liked by jackharlow, saweetie, urbanwyatt, druski2funny, giveon, and 4,375,189 others

y/ninsta: bitches wishin they could see me fail 😉😘

📸 cred: my baby jackharlow since he stole urbanwyatt's camera 🤭

jackharlow: got the baddest chick in the game wearing my chain 😍

y/ninsta: jackharlow all you baby 😉

giveon: damn. you definitely know how to put on a show. maybe I can get one of my own?

saweetie: nuh uh giveon slide yo ass smooth up outta here before Jack sees this

sza: giveon because he will tear you apart over his baby. don't nobody go near the first lady unless he approves. stop playin.

normani: I already know he saw it so lemme get some popcorn. jackharlow we got a situation!!

jackharlow: giveon the only private show she puts on is for me. she looks even better when I take everything off before I slide in that. what you lookin so hard at a married woman for?

theestallion: damn

saweetie: here it goes. I already knew he saw it.

normani: the only dick y/ninsta is interested in is her husband's

giveon: jackharlow just stopping by to admire the beauty

jackharlow: giveon well keep it moving since all that right there is mine

giveon: jackharlow so I can look but can't touch?

saweetie: giveon you better get the hell on before her HUSBAND sees that

jackharlow: giveon you in her comments but her pussy is literally sitting on my face. you not on my level and will never be.

urbanwyatt: oh shit 😳 👀

urbanwyatt: giveon now you being disrespectful towards my girl. You know she's married so take your ass on somewhere.

"What the fuck is his problem?"

When the Instagram fiasco went down you were in the studio with Jack and the rest of PG and everyone was fuming.

"Babe, come on. Just ignore it."

"Ignore what? Nah he needs to take his ass on."

"Y/N, we can’t just ignore that. Shit is getting creepy." Shloob added while looking at the Instagram post.

"Like he talks about you in every single interview he does. He needs to stop that shit." 2fo replied and was in the corner ready to throw hands.

"I just don't want to cause any tension."

"Nah. Who the hell put that ring on your finger? ME. Your last name is Harlow and he better get that through his fucking head."

"Baby..."

"No Y/N. This is some stalkerish disrespectful shit. He got one more time to do something like this before I beat the shit out of him. No one talks about my wife like that."

You were sitting next to Urban and all he did was shake his head.

"I love how yall protect me but I promise I can handle this."

"NO!" All of them said at the same time.

"Like I said, when I see his ass in public and you're with me, if he even breathes or looks in your direction it's on sight. You're mine and no one else's. You know that right?"

You simply nodded your head as you proceeded to lay it on Urban's shoulder.

There is no way in hell he's about to let you do the feature now.

---

You were lying your head on Jack’s chest as he was flipping through channels finding something for the two of you to watch. You figured that he had probably cooled down from the incident that happened on instagram a few days ago and decided to go ahead and ask him.

“Baby...” You said while poking his side to get his attention.

“Hmm?”

“Sooo I got an offer to do a collab with another artist. Brandi has really been making moves happen for me.”

“That’s good baby. I’m proud of you.” He replied while placing a kiss on your forehead.

“I just.... I want to ask you something and I need you to promise not to get mad.”

“Wait a minute. I’m already there because it better not be who I think it is.”

“Umm...”

“Who is it?”

“Giveon.” You whispered while looking down and breaking eye contact with him.

You were met with silence and when you looked back up at him his entire face was red and you saw that his neck vein was poking out indicating his frustration.

“You want to run that one by me again?”

“But baby...”

“No. Hell no and why the fuck would he ask you that? And why would you ask me that because you already know what my answer is gonna be!”

“Jack, he’s offering me the most money that anyone ever has for a feature for a verse!”

“And I’m supposed to care?”

“Babe, this is a big deal!”

“No. Final answer.”

“You’re being an ass.”

“Am I?”

“Babe, you are because I’m trying to get paid.”

“What the hell do you want to buy? I’ll get it. If you want that new G Wagon it’s yours and we can go to the dealership tomorrow. I’ll throw in a few Birkin bags and Telfar bags too. What colors do you want? Nothing is off limits when it comes to you.”

“That isn’t the point!”

“You are MY wife the last time I checked. The way that he always talks about you is disrespectful knowing that you’re married and I have no problem teaching his ass a lesson at the next red carpet event that I see him at. If he wants this to turn into a Will Smith and Chris Rock situation we can. The answer is no and don’t EVER ask me to do a feature with him again. You got it?”

All you did was roll your eyes and Jack was not amused.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me. Answer my question.” Jack replied while tilting your chin to look up at him.

“I got it.”

“Matter of fact, block his ass right now. Get your phone.”

“Babe! I can’t do that!”

“Says who?!”

“Brandi!”

“Fine, but he better not say shit the next time we cross paths. You’re mine, understand?”

“Yes, okay. I get it.”

"You know what?"

"What?"

"Assume the position because I'm about to teach your ass a lesson. I can't even believe you asked me that shit."

--

A few days had passed and you were now in your walk in closet looking for an outfit to wear since Jack was taking you out for date night when your phone rang indicating that it was him. 

“Yes, Jackman?”

“Damn. Full government. You still mad at me mamas?”

“No. I’m fine.”

“Stop lying to me. You weren’t mad at me when I was eating you out last night.”

“I just really wanted to do something to widen my fanbase and I thought that this would be it. And shut up.”

“Baby, there will be plenty of opportunities for that. This is just the beginning of your career.”

“Whatever you say.”

“Baby girl, have I ever steered you wrong?”

“Yes.”

“When?!”

“Did you forget you almost got me pregnant when we were 16?”

“Baby, that was in the past and you know my pull out game has gotten better.”

“Still annoyed with you.”

“You still love me and come outside.”

“I’m not dressed yet.”

“We aren’t leaving yet, baby just come on. Bring your pretty ass self here."

You quickly hung up and followed directions to walk outside and see the new G Wagon in charcoal gray in your driveway and Jack standing next to it.

“Surpriseeee Mrs. Harlow!”

“JACK!”

“You like the color mamas? It was between this one or the black one but I figured you would like this one better. Here are the keys. I made sure that it had a back up camera since I know yo ass can barely see over the steering wheel.”

“JACK!”

“You said my name already, baby.”

“You are just....”

“What? Oh, and open the door.”

You went over to the driver side door and opened it to see four new Birkin bags and four new Telfar bags in the front seat

“JACK!”

“Baby, why do you insist on yelling my name when I’m not even deep in you? I mean we’re going to get to that later, but...”

“You didn’t have to do that!”

“Yes, I did. To let everybody know I can take care of all your needs and you don’t have to want for anything. Oh, and one more thing.”

“There’s more?!”

“Hold out your hand mamas.”

You opened your palm and Jack simply laid 500k in it.

“JACK!”

“I more than doubled the amount that he was going to pay you so text Brandi and tell her to find your next feature because it won’t be him.”

“You are something else.”

“Nah, I’m someone who takes care of my wife and tells other motherfuckers to back off because all this, meaning you, is mine.”

He replied while pulling you in close to him and kissing you.

“Damn, you got me hot and bothered. Fix it. NOW.”

“You don’t even have to ask twice.” Jack responded as he threw you over his shoulder.

Liked by y/ninsta, champagnepapi, saweetie, urbanwyatt, and 5,256,930 others

jackharlow: my baby the baddest and wants for nothin 😍

She wanted to do a feature for 50k for her verse. Gave her a G Wagon, eight purses, and 500k in her hand instead.

We good over here in the Harlow household 😏

saweetie: okay Mrs. Harlow I see you!

sza: you betta let em know jackharlow

urbanwyatt: I need a dime that's top of the line...

y/ninsta: cute face, little waist, wit a big behind ayeee!

privategarden: you have to get through us to even get close to the first lady. many have tried and ALL have failed 😏

2forwoyne: you already know!

jackharlow: we don't play about ours over here!

y/ninsta: I love how yall love me and protect me. I appreciate yall so much 🥺

privategarden: always and forever mamas!!

Taglist:

@harlowsbby

@babyharleezy

@hoodharlow

@stefansalvatoresgf

@jackiehollanderr

@primadxna-girl

@dessmxsworld

@cockslutslurper3000

@raelorns21

@variety-fangirl

@gbaabyyyy

@kamorsstuff

@harlowthot

@sinsandsuccubus

@curlyhairclub

@bootlegroach

@haylexo10

@thinkingaboutjharlow

@laylasbunbunny

@fluidsentiment

@charli123456789

@moody4world

@yourstrulymayah

@yana4life

@beanbagbitch

@alinadolans

@carma-fanficaddict

@minaxcarter

@arination99

@xjup1t3r

@venusvinc

@jacksmoviestar

@jackharloww

@midnight-star47

@jackharlowsbabe

@minkookie95

@inluvwithladybug

[cinnaminsvga]

Dumbo | Jungkook (M)

→ summary: you know what they say about boys with big noses...

{or alternatively: jungkook has a big dick but he doesn’t know how to use it, but luckily you’re there to help.}

→ genre: humor/crack, smut → warnings: they talk about dicks a lot (i.e. jungkook has a big dick), DICK MEASURING CONTESTS (aka jk gets his dick appraised... just boys bein’ boys), explicit sexual content, semi-public exhibitionism, handjobs, blowjobs, sub!jungkook, whining, light dirty talk, mild pain play, mutual masturbation, jungkook has piercings, accidental edging (you’ll... understand), oc doesn’t have a gag reflex lol → words: 17.2K → a/n: @jincherie... you are my enabler and i will die on this hill only if you die on it with me. but of course i know you will die with me. because we only have one braincell and if either of us die, we both do. thank you for commissioning me to write this btw... even though i was already writing this so you just basically sent me money for free. ANYWAY... WORLD IS FUCK BUT I LOVE RHA!! ALSO JUNGKOOK HAS A BIG DICK!! EPIC!!

The club lights make it difficult for Jungkook to see anything. He doesn’t understand why club owners can’t just jack up the lighting for once; it isn’t like you’re going to be able to find a hook-up through echolocation or something. Though, judging by the way people seem to be groping their way through the masses, perhaps there really is no need for illumination anyway.

Jungkook normally hates this kind of scene. Drinking is all good and fun, especially when he’s with his hyungs, but going to overly crowded places makes his skin crawl with anxiety. It takes almost three shots during pre-game for him to get anywhere near this kind of place and it’s all thanks to Seokjin. That hyung thrives in these kinds of environments, like a clipped butterfly relearning how to fly.

“I’m gonna get shit fucked wasted!” Seokjin hollers, his arm looped carelessly around the only other person who hates being here as much as Jungkook does. He watches passively as Yoongi tries to bite a chunk off of Seokjin’s hand, but despite his inebriation, their eldest hyung is able to dodge it quickly.

“Not before I kill you, then everyone else in this place, and then myself, first.” Yoongi growls, nudging Seokjin off his smaller frame. If the world hadn’t been swaying underneath Jungkook’s feet, he might have offered to help his small hyung do the deed. If there’s anyone who hates nightclubs more than Jungkook, it’s Yoongi. Jungkook is frightened to know how Seokjin managed to convince Yoongi in the first place, and he’d prefer not to find out what sort of terrible blackmail the elder must have under his sleeve to accomplish such an arduous feat.

Just as Yoongi is about to connect his steel-toed boot up Seokjin’s freshly bleached asshole, Jimin returns from the bar with three glasses held precariously in each of his fists. Jungkook wonders yet again how this is possible due to the sheer tininess of Jimin’s hands, but then again... What can’t Jimin do when it comes to alcohol?

“I’m back! Here you go, Jungkookie,” Jimin says, seamlessly handing Jungkook a glass of what he hopes is just a regular beer like he asked. Knowing Jimin, he probably ordered the strongest shit they have. He peers at it suspiciously, but it only takes half a sip for Jungkook to confirm his guess. He grimaces, nearly coughing out a lung at the strength of the poison running down his throat.

“That tasted like fucking metal polish! What the fuck, Jimin?”

“I know! It’s great isn’t it?” Jimin smiles angelically, handing Yoongi one of the drinks. Yoongi looks at the swirling piss-yellow liquid as if it holds the secrets to the universe. It appears as if he’s decided something when his eyes light up.

“Oh my god, this drink is gonna kill me,” he says, not an ounce of fear in his voice. Jimin nods, not even trying to hide his deception.

“I promised the bartender a blowie if he could give me the strongest shit they had,” Jimin shrugs. “Dude literally went to the back room and took out this bottle that looked like it came from Napoleon’s secret stash of hooker piss.” He sniffs the drinks thoughtfully. “Yea, I could believe that.”

“I hate this!” Jungkook cries at no one in particular.

“Tough shit! We’re in this together!” Yoongi groans, downing the entire contents of his drink in one go before promptly being swallowed whole by the crowd. Seokjin hoots, hastily waving goodbye to Jungkook and Jimin before following Yoongi and diving into the sweaty masses like a seasoned Olympian.

“I hope they don’t die like last time,” Jungkook sighs, forcing himself to take a big gulp of his drink. It sears against his throat like a brand, which probably has an inscription saying “Jeon Jungkook has bad taste in friends.”

Jimin shrugs his shoulders. “Well, like Namjoon said a while ago, we’re gonna meet by the bar in 2 hours to check if everyone is still alive and we’ll find out then. Okay, Kook?”

Jimin has reminded him of this for the umpteenth time, though he can’t blame him for being extra careful. Last time the whole gang went to the club, Hoseok had gotten stuck in an elevator at his hook-up’s place and had cried for 5 hours straight before one of them thought to look for him. The time before that, Taehyung had ingested two times his bodyweight of margaritas and he had found himself in Japan the next morning with an extra $500 in his pocket.

Yeah. They’re idiots, but at least they’re idiots who will try not to make the same mistakes as last time. Key word being “try.”

Jungkook looks around the club, but he can’t find any awkward looking lanky people anywhere. “Where is Namjoon-hyung, by the way? Haven’t seen him since we split up.”

“Who the hell knows?” Jimin laughs, the sound drowning out when the DJ suddenly decides to play a death metal version of Dance the Night Away by Twice. Jimin’s eyes light up. “Ooooh shit! This is my song! See ya later, Kook!”

“W-wait, those drinks! Aren’t they for the others––“

“Bitch, you think these are for them?” Jimin begins to double fist his alcohol with the thirstiness of a man in a desert, or a twink confronted with two dicks. Either or.

To Jungkook’s horror, the crowd has seemingly grown thrice in size since they’ve arrived and he watches as Jimin’s body is slowly getting consumed by the masses, though he doesn’t seem bothered in the slightest. He leans into a random guy's back, a look of bliss on his face. He salutes lazily at Jungkook. “Anyway. See you in 2 hours, Kook! Try to have fun!”

Try to have fun, his ass.

Unlike Jimin, Jungkook doesn’t particularly feel like being crushed by sweaty hormonal bodies; instead, he chooses to head to the bar. He surreptitiously dumps his drink into the trash, feeling kind of bad for discarding a free drink, but Jungkook doesn’t want to get shit-fucked wasted like the rest of them are. Perhaps he’ll be the designated driver today, even though his vision is still kind of swimming. Well, he could probably walk in a straight line if he used all his brainpower. Which isn’t a lot, but you know. People learn to make do.

It takes him a while to find an empty stool by the bar and he is unlucky enough to be squished between two couples who don’t seem to be aware that public indecency is a crime. He has to endure being jostled for five minutes straight until the bartender finally notices him and allow him to order his can of coke.

(“Sorry, kid. The banana milk is all sold out. Some girl ordered our entire stock for her friends a few hours ago.” And just like that, Jungkook wants to die all over again.)

He does not know for how long he sits by the bar. Well, that’s a blatant lie, because he knows that he’s been sitting there for 18 minutes and 34 seconds exactly. He’s checked his phone religiously every 2 minutes to see if 2 hours have passed already, just so he can ask one of his stupid friends to go home with him. Perhaps he could coerce Jimin into turning in early for once (which is a pipedream, not when the DJ seems adamant to play Jimin’s favorite Christina Aguilera song 70 times in a row.)

So in short, Jungkook is miserable. He could go home by himself, but also he doesn’t want to end up having to walk to the police station the next morning to bail his friends out after one of them inevitably destroys public property again.

Fuck. Maybe he shouldn’t have thrown away his other drink.

He’s so deep in his thoughts that he doesn’t notice that one of the couples beside him have already left and that another person has taken their spot. He is jarred from his musings when a well-manicured hand is placed delicately on his shoulder, urging him to swivel the barstool around to face his soon-to-be acquaintance.

“Hey,” you say, a sultry smile on your lips. Jungkook feels his mouth immediately fill with cotton as he stares at your beautiful face, the dingy lighting of the club doing nothing to suppress the wicked glint in your eyes.

“Uhh… hey?” Jungkook replies, as charming and verbose as ever. If it isn’t obvious enough, Jungkook is a little lacking in the girls department, or at least, when it comes to girls-who-are-blatantly-flirting with him department. He normally isn’t this socially inept around the opposite gender, but given the connotations of this circumstance, his overactive male brain can only be restrained so much before it starts wandering towards dangerous territory.

It doesn’t help that the neckline of your dress is bordering on obscene, and Jungkook is afraid that if you move one more inch towards him, something very embarrassing might happen to the both of you (probably more so for him, if he’s being quite honest.)

“I couldn’t help but notice you from across the club and thought I should introduce myself,” you explain, gaze unashamedly trailing down his body. Jungkook can feel the heat from you radiating in waves, burning him from the inside out as he tries not to melt into a puddle in a pathetic attempt to get the fuck out of there.

“You saw me? But it’s… so dark in here…” Jungkook wants to fucking murder himself. That’s what he decides to say to you? God, no fucking wonder he’s a virgin. Good looks really aren’t everything when he doesn’t have a brain controlling the rest of his body. There might as well be a fucking hamster running laps inside of his skull for all he knew.

Thankfully (or unthankfully––God knows Jungkook’s stress levels aren’t lowering any time soon), you find his response funny enough to warrant a chuckle. You bat your eyes salaciously at him, which Jungkook didn’t even think was possible. People can be sexy? When they blink? Apparently, you can do that.

You shrug your shoulders. “That’s true. You caught me in a lie, I suppose. I actually knew you were coming even before you arrived.”

Jungkook chokes on his own spit then, nearly spraying you with his saliva like the dog that he is. His eyes bug out of his sockets, his body going tense with nerves. "You... you knew? What... What does that even mean?"

You point over your shoulder, gesturing vaguely at the crowd on the dance floor. "I'm friends with Seokjin over there. He mentioned you were coming with him to the club tonight so I decided to tag along."

"You know Seokjin-hyung?" The alarm bells in Jungkook's head start ringing wildly out of control. Nothing good ever comes out of being friends with Seokjin, especially since his presence alone has the power to make the creases in your brain to smoothen. Take it from someone who's been there, done that.

"Yep," you say, popping your 'p.' "I met him in my first-year English course, though I still don't know why a third-year like him was taking it in the first place."

"It's because he doesn't know how to read," Jungkook says plainly.

"I can tell. He uses voice-to-text exclusively and Siri can never spell Asian names correctly," you shrug your shoulders. "Either that, or he just doesn't know how to spell your name."

"Yea. I'm permanently John Jung Cock on his phone," Jungkook replies. He shakes his head. "Hold on, we were talking about something before this."

"Oh. About how I casually revealed to you that I was stalking you through our mutually insane friend?"

"Y-Yea, basically." Jungkook doesn't even understand what the fuck is happening right now. "I mean! Not exactly? Like, for all I know, you could've just asked hyung who he was coming with and he mentioned my name and––"

"Listen, kid. I straight up just told you I'm stalking you. Let's skip the foreplay and get to the meat of it: I'm literally following you," you say, without an inch of regret, embarrassment, or morality in your tone of voice.

Jungkook, who despite being filled with so much fear and tension enough to kill the small hamster inside his brain, is somehow able to keep his calm in front of the psychopath in front of him. Either that, or he's already in the middle of a stroke and he's lost all his fine motor skills.

"I... I don't know what to say."

"You don't need to say anything, baby," you murmur, leaning even closer to him until your chest was practically pressed against his. The thin layer of your dress and his well-worn cotton tee does nothing to help the situation (both in general and the one in his pants). He can feel your every curve, can smell the sweet perfume you're wearing; you were enveloping his senses. If he tried hard enough, he could probably count your eyelashes if he so desired with how close you were.

He knows he should probably be running away in terror right now, but he finds himself stuck resolutely to the barstool, unable to move. Maybe Jimin was right... Maybe he did have a fear kink or something.

("Isn't that just called masochism?" Jungkook asks, brows raised.

Jimin only laughs, patting him on the back condescendingly. "Nah, dude. You just straight up wanna die by the hands of a hot person, and I can respect that homie. We all have been there.")

“W-what do you want from me?” Jungkook asks, sweat lining his brow. You’re still looking at him like he was a meal, but he finds he probably doesn’t mind being devoured by you.

Your wicked grin returns, full force. “I just want to play, Jungkook. But why don’t we discuss this… somewhere more private?”

Thunk. Was that the sound of his heart dropping out of his ass, or his brain pressing against the left side of his skull, or his dick hitting the roof? Jungkook isn’t sure, but he does know he wants to see where this night will take him.

He lets you lead the way, squeezing through sweaty bodies and elbowing a stray hand or two. Jungkook swears he feels a guy grope him on the way out, but before he can even sock the guy in the jaw, you’re already one step ahead of him. You hiss menacingly at the dudebro, raising your long acrylic nails in a show of dominance like you’re from some wildlife documentary. The guy audibly whines, running away from the two of you with his tail between his legs.

Jungkook stares at you incredulously. “How the fuck did you––”

“I’ve gone to tango classes with that dude. I have his mom’s phone number,” you explain nonchalantly. Instantly, Jungkook feels himself hardening in his pants.

You manage to get to where the washroom stalls are. You brazenly walk past the line of girls at the women’s section, but Jungkook is even more confused when you also pass by the men’s section. You turn the corner, where a bunch of tables and chairs were being kept. Then, you begin to knock down some of the extra chairs stacked against the wall, which is where Jungkook discovers there is an unused wheelchair accessible washroom.

“Why is this washroom being kept hidden?” he wonders aloud, sneaking guilty looks over his shoulder. No one seems to have noticed that the two of you are blatantly trespassing property, but you don’t look all that stressed about it.

You look at him weirdly. “Dude. You can barely walk in this club without getting groped, poked, or doped. As much as I’m all for accessibility, I don’t think wheelchair-bound people are gonna have much of a good time here.”

Jungkook feels as though he should be saying something profound about the need for establishments to be accessible or something, but the strain in his pants really wasn’t doing many wonders on his verbosity right now. Maybe next time.

You make quick work of the barricade and you get the door open in no time. You push him hastily inside, making him yelp as he tries to find his way around the darkened room. You flip the switch on somewhere behind him, illuminating the washroom to find… a toilet. That’s it.

“Well, they certainly didn’t think about interior decorating,” Jungkook says, laughing nervously as you click the door locked. He turns, watching as you pull the black elastic that was on your wrist and begin to tie your hair. You smile cheekily at him, the implications of what is about to happen very much apparent.

“Nah, they didn’t. But the room gets the job done and that’s all we want, don’t we?” You purr, taking the two short steps you need to get close to him once more. You trail a well-manicured nail down his chest, circling around his nipple teasingly but not doing anything more. His breathing turns more shallow, and he knows for sure that his eyes must look crazed to you right now.

You bring your finger lower and lower, grazing the top of his belt buckle and staying there. You look up at him, licking your lips as your gaze trails down to his own. Once again, he feels paralyzed as you take him in and he wishes for all the horny gods from above that you would finally end the torture and finally close the distance.

Taking some pity on him, you rest your lips against his throat, suckling gently enough that Jungkook knows it won’t leave a mark. His hands instantly come up to grab your waist, as if urging you to go harder, to make it hurt.

You smirk against his skin, deciding at that moment to bite down, hard. Jungkook yelps, before the sound morphs into an unabashed moan. His cheeks pinken, embarrassed at the volume of his voice.

“I-I…”

“Don’t worry, Jungkook…” you whisper, soothing the bite with your tongue. You pop off his skin, your lips slightly redder than before. “I’ll take good care of you, darling.”

See, Jungkook doesn’t doubt you in the slightest. As for his own skills at taking care of you when the time comes… now that’s a little bit of a gamble.

Jungkook isn’t a virgin, per se… He lost his virginity during his last year of high school to some girl he met at a party, and suffice to say, he didn’t last long. He’s had a few girlfriends in the past, but none of them ever wanted to get with him once they saw his dick. You see, he had a bit of a problem…

He wasn’t small, by the way. Don’t get him wrong. In fact, he was kinda––

Jungkook is pulled away from his thoughts when you suddenly drop down to your knees, your hands grabbing onto his thighs for support. He’s almost worried that you’d injured yourself from how fast you’d dropped, but you don’t seem all that bothered by how deftly your fingers moved to unbuckle his belt.

When you get it loosened, your hands stop by the button of his jeans and you look up at him with expectation. Jungkook almost whines when your hands drift back to your lap.

You snort, amused. “What? You think I’m gonna do all the work here, buddy? Come on, strip for me.” you say, sitting on your haunches as you wait for him to move.

The strain in his pants was getting downright painful at this point, so Jungkook is more than eager to follow your orders. Still, his hands are shaking the entire time, so it takes him a few extra seconds before he can finally unbutton his stupid jeans and pull down his stupid zipper. Even through his loose boxers, the outline of his dick is very apparent, with a small wet spot already staining the front of his boxers a darker blue.

“Uh, I have to say a disclaimer first though,” Jungkook squeaks, suddenly shy under the intense gaze you were pointing straight at his dick. It twitches slightly, and your eyes follow it like a cat ready to pounce. “I’m… kinda on the bigger side, so I just want to ask if you’re sure––”

“Baby, I was sure even before I came to this club,” you say, trance-like. Your fists clench and unclench by your sides. “Now, shut up before I change my mind.”

“But––” Jungkook doesn’t get to finish his sentence, stunned to silence when you quite literally rip his boxers off of him like a magician trying to prove something. His dick springs up half-way, still not fully hard as it’s always taken him a little bit more goading before he can get to full mast. Yea, he was that big.

You stare at it for a moment, going cross-eyed as you stared at his tip head-on like some sort of perverse gun barrel. You don’t move for so long that Jungkook is afraid that he might have freaked you out with the size of his cock, though you wouldn’t be the first in a long shot. He’s about to apologize, prepared to pull up his pants in shame and walk home with half a log in his crotch. He’s already shifting his jeans back up when you place a hand on his wrist, stopping him in his tracks.

“Wait. Are you, like, only half-hard right now?” you ask, voice quiet.

Jungkook flushes. “Y-yeah… It gets a little bit bigger when I’m fully… You know…” he says, trailing off.

You’re still looking at his dick, but after further assessment, Jungkook realizes that you don’t look horrified in the slightest. In fact, you look pleased. “Jesus fuck you’re huge! Like… almost abnormally so.”

Jungkook literally feels like he’s going to die (and he hates that it’s kinda making him even hornier). “I guess so?”

“That’s a fucking log! You could stand on that thing!”

“I don’t think that’s possible, but––”

“Seokjin had told me you were huge, but I didn’t believe him because, well, the way he described it was that you had a literal third leg hiding under there. Who would have thought that Seokjin isn’t full of shit after all,” you say, awestruck.

“I’m really not that big––wait, Seokjin has talked to you about my dick? What the fuck? Since WHEN?” Seokjin was just out there in the world? Telling strangers about his dick? That hyung is seriously getting smashed WWE style the next time he sees him, and it’s NOT going to be sexy.

You wave him off. “Oh, don’t worry. He doesn’t just tell anyone. He let it slip because he was defending your honor,” you shrug.

In the midst of Jungkook’s mental breakdown at the realization that one of his closest friends just told a random girl that he’s got a meter long King Kong dong, he doesn’t notice that you’ve already stood up from where you were kneeling. You pull down the toilet seat cover, seating yourself on it and rubbing your reddened knees with a pout. “Ouch. Damn, I’m not used to kneeling for men anymore. Sorry, where was I? Oh right!”

You snap your fingers together, smiling gleefully at Jungkook. “So! I dragged you in here to give you my proposition, you see. I have a deal to make with you.”

Jungkook looks down at his cock, which was still red and dripping pre-cum, before turning back to you. “And this has something to do with… my dick?”

“Precisely!” you cheer, glad that he seems to be on the same page as you when he was in fact, not. “Sorry about tricking you, by the way. I’ll suck your dick after this if you’re still game, but only if you agree with my plan.”

“Your plan?”

“Yep,” you say, popping your ‘p’ once more. “You see, I have an ex-boyfriend. His name is Lee Taeyong, ever heard of him?”

Jungkook vaguely knows the upperclassman, though he can’t say he’s ever spoken to him. “Kinda. What does he have to do with me?”

“Well, if you really heard of him, then you’d already be one step ahead. Seeing as how it’s not already connecting for you––” you point to his dick, poking the sensitive head with the grace of a 5-year old at a petting zoo, “––then you don’t know that Lee Taeyong has the biggest dick on campus. Allegedly.”

“Allegedly,” Jungkook repeats. He still doesn’t follow.

“Well, I wouldn’t know either because I’ve never seen his dick, so––”

“Wait wait wait. Wait.” Jungkook’s hamster brain is running a mile a minute. There have been way too many absurdities spoken in the last five minutes and he doesn’t think he’s drunk enough to deal with your insanity right now. “Let’s dissect this one at a time, shall we? First of all, how can you not know how big your boyfriend’s dick is?”

“My ex-boyfriend. And we only dated for like three days, and I don’t fuck until a week has passed, okay? I don’t play like that,” you say as if you didn’t just lure Jungkook to this dingy washroom only to give him blue balls and trauma.

“Okay, whatever. So what if he has a big dick? What does that have to do with me?”

You roll your eyes. “How can you not understand yet? I’m on the hunt for our university’s biggest dick, of course! And you, Jungkook, might just be my ticket to the number one prize.”

There is a long pause. Jungkook stares and stares at you, waiting for you to shout “Surprise! You’re being pranked, bro!” and for all the cameramen to come out and shower him in confetti and dollar bills or something. But no, nothing like that happened. He just continues to stand there with his dick out, while you sit on a dingy toilet seat with your legs crossed comfortably as if you were just two friends having a regular conversation.

After a while, Jungkook comes to a conclusion. “You’re being serious.”

You snort, annoyed as if you were the one being inconvenienced. “Of course I am, dude. I don’t stalk just about anybody to see their dick. I’m not that insane.”

Jungkook feels as though your judgment on sanity should probably be taken with a grain of salt. “S-sure. Right. You’re definitely not insane.”

“And you have a big dick! I’m glad you can see where I’m coming from,” you say, nodding sagely. You peer at his dick once more, brows furrowed as you think deeply to yourself. “Hmm… Yea, I’d say you’d be at least equally as big as him. If all else fails, I can split the winnings and get half the amount of money if you––”

“No,” Jungkook says.

You raise your brow. “Yes?” you try.

“Yes–I mean, what? No!” Jungkook repeats, shaking his head furiously. "Are you even hearing yourself? You expect me to get into a dick measuring contest with your ex just so you can, what? Get revenge on him or something?"

"Not for revenge." You lean closer to him, face inches away from his dick but you don't seem perturbed in the slightest. "It's for money," you whisper, grinning slyly.

"Money," Jungkook repeats.

You clap your hands excitedly. "Exactly! So Taeyong and I didn't actually break up on bad terms. We only got together to make Doyoung, his crush, jealous enough to confess his feelings. But now, that dumb bitch thinks that now that he's with Taeyong, he can make fun of me for not being able to handle Taeyong's dark horse cock––"

"Can you please stop talking like an insane person," Jungkook pleads. His comment remains unheard.

"––so we made a bet that Taeyong doesn't actually have the biggest dick on campus and that I'm dating a guy with an even bigger meat thermometer than he does," you finish, snapping your fingers with a flourish. There's a twinkle in your eye: it's misplaced excitement coupled with extreme insanity, Jungkook realizes.

"That's good and all, but there's just one problem."

"What?" You tilt your head, confused.

"We're not exactly dating, are we?"

"Details, details... What Doyoung and Taeyong don't know won't hurt them," you say, shrugging your shoulders.

Jungkook rolls his eyes. "Of course," he says, leaning against the grimy bathroom wall. He goes to tuck Jungkook Jr. back into his pants, his dick finally softening after the last ten minutes of psychological torture courtesy of yours truly, but you're quick to slap his hand away, making him yelp in surprise.

"No! I like looking at it," you say. You stare at his dick with rapt fascination. "It's kinda like looking at a weird, deformed baby leg. Beautiful, but haunting all at once."

Jungkook huffs, staring at you in equal parts disbelief and awe. If he thought Seokjin was mentally unhinged, then you're definitely on your way towards uncharted psychotic territory. It was kind of amazing how you could just say shit without any brain to mouth filter, in your own twisted way. "Listen, lady. I don't even fucking know what your name is, but I am not helping you win some stupid bet and showing my dick to even more strangers than I have to, okay?"

You consider him, lips pursing slightly. "Why, do you have any other plans this weekend?"

Jungkook falters. "I... No, I don't––"

You shrug your shoulders, as if that's the end of that problem. "Then it's settled! I don't see why you can't just do this out of the goodness of your heart?"

"For the last time, I won't do it even if––"

"I'll split the prize with you? 50/50? That's $1000 for having a huge dick! Every incel's wet dream!"

Jungkook pauses in his rant, choking on his spit. His jaw drops comically, unsure if he heard you right. "Did you say one... grand?"

Hook, line, and sinker. You know you caught him the moment his eyes bugged out of their sockets. You smirk, crossing your arms triumphantly as you gaze upon his desperate and broke college ass (and dick). “So? Having second thoughts?"

Jungkook is quiet for a moment. He opens his mouth, then closes it. He tries to wrap his head around the number, unsure if he should be worried about how ready he is to drop his pants for money. Have I completely lost it? Am I that much of an idiot? he wonders, but then again… He’d be an even bigger idiot for letting free money go down the drain.

“Where is this money even coming from?” he asks, even though he knows his guard is already dropping quickly.

You wave your hand flippantly. “Oh, Doyoung is filthy rich. I imagine that $2000 is nothing to him,” you say, picking at a hangnail. “It’s not much money to me either, but my pride is mostly at stake here. If you want, you could take all the money as a prize, so long as you make that bitch eat his heart out.”

Jungkook feels his dick twitch and he knows that you notice. “Two… thousand…” He accidentally moans, gripping his thighs to prevent himself from nutting. “That’s…”

You tilt your head, arching a brow. “Not enough? I could put in an extra $500 if you’re really against this whole thing. To be fair, I wouldn’t wanna expose my coochie to a random person either––”

“Two thousand five hundred? Are you fucking insane?” Jungkook exclaims, voice cracking at the end. He clears his throat, but it still feels like his lungs are on fire.

“Okay, three grand it is but I’m not going any higher than that,” you huff, shaking your head. “Mr. Jeon, you really do drive a hard bargain, though I always notice that well-endowed men tend to think they deserve the universe, so I’m not surprised.” You chuckle to yourself, as if anything about this situation is worth laughing at. Jungkook feels like that one time he had inhaled an entire helium balloon in one breath when he was younger: kinda nauseous but also kinda euphoric. Is it bad that his dick is stirring awake right now? Hello?

You put your hand out, looking at him expectantly. “Well? Do we have a deal or not?”

Jungkook takes a deep breath and accesses his options carefully. Does he:

Give up his low self-esteem for money and enter an actual dick-measuring contest with some stranger;

There is no other option. Jungkook wants money.

He exhales, a migraine already throbbing incessantly in the back of his skull. He thrusts his hand forward, gripping yours harshly in a firm handshake. “I’m in,” he says, without missing a beat. Your smile brings a shiver down his back, and he can’t help but wonder if this is what Judas felt like when he betrayed Jesus, except he’s betraying no one but his own self-worth.

Well, he always did wonder how much his life was worth and three grand doesn’t seem like that big of a stretch. Oh well.

“Nice,” you chuckle, seemingly vibrating from excitement. You slip behind him, grabbing his phone from the back pocket of his jeans (which were still, by the way, pooled around his thighs because his dick was still out. Just to remind you guys in case you forgot. OP doesn’t want you to ever forget about it.) You flick open his phone, cackling maniacally when you realize he doesn’t even have a password on.

Jungkook squawks. “Hey, what are you––”

“I’m saving my number on your phone,” you explain. He can barely see what you were typing into his phone contacts, but he doesn’t miss the way you attach a heart emoji beside your name. You open his texts, sending yourself an octopus emoji that just so happened to be Jungkook’s most frequently used emoji. You snort. “Octopus emoji, huh? Seems appropriate… Can’t help but think it was a sign that this might have been destiny.”

“I just like takoyaki…” Jungkook defends himself sulkily.

“Yea? Well I like cock,” you say. You pause, furrowing your brows. “Oh, I meant to say chicken. Same thing.”

You hand back his phone, grabbing your small purse that you had thrown aside onto the washroom floor. You straighten your dress, looking to all the world as if you hadn’t just offered a stranger three grand to show his dick. “Well, it was nice meeting you, Jungkook. I expect to see you soon, maybe this weekend if you’re free. I’ll text you the details of when we’ll meet next. Toodles!” you wave, sending him a flying kiss for extra measure. Jungkook’s eye twitches, and he wonders not for the first time tonight if he was trapped in a coma and was slowly passing away.

Just as you are about to head out the door, you stop in your tracks, turning back to face him. You give him a curious expression, gaze dragging downwards until you were staring down the barrel of his dick once more. “Hey, sorry about leaving you hanging like that, by the way. I would love to help you finish, but I have a ride to catch. Raincheck?”

Not waiting for an answer, you saunter away with a spring in your step. The door swings back closed, leaving Jungkook alone for the first time in what feels like forever: just him, his dick, and the promise of three thousand dollars on the horizon.

“I’m so fucking stupid,” Jungkook groans, sliding down to the floor. He fists his cock in his hand, groaning loudly when he feels the pleasure jolt up his spine like electricity. As he listens to the sounds of his heavy breathing and the slick mess in his hands, he can’t help but wonder if Jimin was right… Maybe he did have a thing for insane hot girls who were out to kill him.

x x x x x

After Jungkook cleans himself up, he marches out of the washroom with as much dignity as he can muster. Which is to say that he walked out of there with his head bowed in shame, meekly navigating the crowded club in search of his friends.

It isn’t hard, considering that Jimin was currently hanging on the fucking ceiling from a disco ball. A group of men stand at the bottom, all of them eagerly eyeing his fat ass as Jimin dangerously humped the shiny ball of metal like his life depended on it.

“Okaaaay guys! The moment this disco ball drops, whoever catches me first gets to fuck me tonight so try your best to grab me~!” Jimin singsongs from his perch, howling madly as all the horny motherfuckers scramble all over each other, desperate to catch him lest he meets his maker.

“I. Hate. My. Life.” Jungkook sighs, striding past the group of men easily with his superior upper body strength. “Move, incels. This twink isn’t letting any of you simps touch his ass. He just likes the attention.”

“Aww, Jungkookie! Don’t ruin my fun~! Unless you wanna catch me and we can finally fu––” Jimin screams mid-sentence, just as the cord holding him and the disco ball snaps. All the guys step over themselves to catch him, but Jungkook is stronger and faster. He catches Jimin mid-air, snatching him in an instant and hoisting him over his shoulder. Everyone cheers and hollers, clapping for him as Jimin continues to giggle hysterically into his back.

“Yay! Jungkookie is gonna fuck meeeee,” Jimin pats him on the ass, but Jungkook ignores him. He goes around the club, searching for the rest of his friends until he has five dangling bodies hanging off his body like some six-headed freak.

Well, it’s soon going to be five-headed after he beheads Seokjin, whom Jungkook is certain just vomited all over the back of his jeans.

“I can’t fucking find Yoongi-hyung.” Jungkook grits his teeth, his nose assaulted by the stench of Namjoon’s armpit as the elder contorts himself into a more comfortable position. “Stop fucking moving, you long-legged bastard. Why’d you have to be born with such good body proportions?”

“And why are you so hot, Jungkook?” Taehyung swoons from somewhere underneath Hoseok, who seems to be either passed out or dead; Jungkook didn’t pause to check for a pulse.

“Pretty sure Yoongi went home,” Seokjin slurs, a second wave of nausea hitting him as he struggles to keep the alcohol inside of him a bit longer. “Ugh… Said he saw his roommate and they went home together.”

“God, it better be his fucking roommate and not another person trying to sell his organs again.” Jungkook sighs. “Either way, we’re all going home. We’ve done enough damage for tonight.”

“Jungkookie, did you have any fun at all tonight? Didn’t see you around,” Namjoon quips, managing to wriggle out of Jungkook’s grip and fall face flat on the curb. He whines pathetically, not making a move to stand up again. “Ugh. I didn’t even drink a lot tonight so why...?”

“It’s because you’re Namjoon,” Jungkook supplies helpfully. He lets the rest of his friends down, making sure they are leaning against the wall for support (or sitting against the wall in Hoseok’s case). “Alright, I’m calling cabs. Seokjin-hyung, I’m staying over at your place tonight.”

Jimin, who was already slowly falling asleep where he stands, perks up in attention at that. “Wait, you’re coming home with me and Seokjin? Are we reaaaally gonna fuck?” Jimin tries to wiggle his eyebrows suggestively, but to Jungkook, it just looks like he’s having a stroke.

“I’m done nutting for tonight. We are sleeping once we get home and that’s it,” Jungkook snorts, crossing his arms.

“OOOOOOOH? JUNGKOOK GOT FUCKED AT THE CLUB!”

“GET IT BOY!”

“OH SHIT HE FINALLY USED HIS PURPLE-HEADED YOGURT FINGER!”

“DAMN DUDE? DAMN? DAMN?”

“AW, YOU FUCKED SOMEONE WITHOUT ME?”

Jungkook swears he had heard Hoseok speak amidst the yelling from his friends, but his hyung still remains mysteriously hunched over and dead to the world. “None of your businesses. Anyway, a cab is coming soon and I swear to God, if any of you piss or vomit in that poor man’s vehicle, I will make sure none of you live to see the light of day, okay?”

Jimin turns to Taehyung, who just happened to be beside him. “Not gonna lie, but I kinda jizzed in my pants just now. That was kinda hot.” Taehyung only nods in agreement.

An hour and thirty minutes later, Jungkook manages to get the last of his idiot friends home, leaving only him, Seokjin, and Jimin as they tiredly trudge up the steps to the apartment. It takes an additional twenty minutes for Seokjin to figure out where he’d left his keys, only for Jimin to raise his finger for them to wait as he hid behind some bushes while unbuckling his jeans. When he comes out of the bushes, pantless, he has a key raised with a victorious smirk on his face.

“Don’t ask where I keep this,” is all he says and Jungkook is glad that he had rejected Seokjin’s offer to permanently move in as their roommate.

They all stumble into the apartment, with Seokjin falling immediately onto the couch. He curls up into a little ball, snoring the moment his eyes shut. Jungkook wants to shake him awake, eager to interrogate him about what happened between you and him just a few hours ago at the club. Even if he wanted to wake him up, Jungkook is sure nothing can rouse the elder; this fact is confirmed when Jungkook dumps water on him, only for Seokjin to keep sleeping soundly like a baby.

“Well, hyung is dead. Guess it’s time for me to die too,” Jimin says sleepily, the horniness and insanity from the club already wearing off. He pats Jungkook gently on the head, pointing towards Seokjin’s room. “Sleep there. I’ll hand you an extra blanket because I wouldn’t trust that hyung’s sheets. Let’s sleep, yeah?”

Left with no other choice, Jungkook heads to Seokjin’s bedroom, jumping onto the unmade sheets and pretending not to notice the crusty unknown substance on the corner of the bed. He can’t fall asleep, not when he’s left haunted by the weight on his chest (and dick). Jungkook fiddles with his phone, staring wide-eyed at the name displayed tauntingly on his screen.

Y/N L/N.

He was gonna have a nightmare tonight, that’s for sure.

x x x x x

Jungkook wakes up early, much to his chagrin. He’d really like to stay dead to the world for much longer, but the smell of coffee brewing and bacon cooking is kind of a hard deal to pass up. Jungkook shifts in bed, cringing when he realizes he went to sleep in his jeans, and more importantly, that his pants felt a lot stickier than he remembered.

He lifts the blanket up, confirming his suspicions. “Fuck!”

Well, guess he didn’t have much of a nightmare last night after all.

He shucks off his clothes, disgusted by the mess he finds in his underwear. He hobbles over to Seokjin’s closet, cringing when he finds only one (1) clean pair of shorts left, which just so happened to have “PEE IS STORED IN THE BALLS” stamped on the back in cursive font. Beggars can’t be choosers, he supposes.

Jungkook tiptoes out of the bedroom, confronted with the sight of Jimin pouring three mugs of coffee and Seokjin still slumped over the couch, a substantial amount of drool dripping down from the side of his mouth and forming a puddle on the floor. Jungkook takes a photo, saving it for later.

“Morning,” Jimin smiles from the kitchen, offering Jungkook one of the cups. Jungkook is certain that Jimin has no recollection of the events from last night, though such is Park Jimin’s way of life. He drinks to get fucked up, then he forgets, and then the cycle repeats itself anew. Jungkook wonders how Jimin always manages to wake up without a hangover, though God might have just given him a super liver in compensation for his lack of height.

“Hyung is still dead,” Jungkook states plainly, walking over to Seokjin and peering at him closely. Jungkook sticks a finger into his agape mouth, collects some of his spit, and then proceeds to give him the wettest willy of his life. Still no response.

“Let me try,” Jimin says, sauntering over to Seokjin with one of the cups of coffee. Jimin leans down, hums gently into his ear. “Hyung, wake up. We have coffee for you!”

Seokjin mumbles incomprehensibly in his sleep, snuggling deeper into the couch stuffing. Jimin tilts his head, still smiling. Then, he dumps the scalding cup of coffee all over Seokjin’s crotch.

In an instant, Seokjin screams with the pitch of a banshee, swinging his arms wildly about and nearly knocking himself out with his own fist. Jungkook and Jimin watch passively from the sidelines, waiting for the elder to finish fanning his nutsack before greeting him a pleasant morning.

“WHY ARE YOU BOTH LITERAL DEMONS?” Seokjin hollers, jumping to his feet with his scorched balls and all. Taking pity on him, Jungkook walks over to the fridge, tossing his hyung a bag of ice. And by toss, it’s more like he pitches the bag straight into his dick with the ease and speed of a seasoned baseball player, eliciting another round of pained howls.

“YOU––ASS––” Seokjin seethes, clutching the bag of ice to his nether regions. He sits down on the adjacent loveseat, expression contorting as he cups his balls gingerly. “God, it’s almost like you guys don’t think I deserve basic human decency.”

“That was just a small part of my revenge for you, after you gave my contact details to an insane woman,” Jungkook sneers, miming a punch onto Seokjin’s handsome face. Seokjin doesn’t even flinch, too busy staring at Jungkook’s legs.

“Hey, are you wearing my thot shorts?”

Jungkook looks down at the neon pink monstrosity around his hips. “You call these your thot shorts?”

Seokjin shrugs. “I got dicked down in them once. You should try.”

“Oh, did I hear something about revenge? I smell tea in here,” Jimin says, coming back from the kitchen with his own cup. “Well, I have coffee but same shit. What happened?”

“This––” Jungkook points an accusatory finger at Seokjin, “––asshole sent my location information to an insane stalker lady last night after he told her that I had a huge dick!”

Seokjin squints at him, confused. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about Y/N! She said you told her about how big my dick was and when she asked you where I was, you told her I was going to the club with you last night!”

“Oh.” Realization dawns on Seokjin’s face, which was quickly replaced by incredulity as he stares at Jungkook. “I assumed she asked for your contact details because she had a crush on you. I was just trying to get you some pussy, bro.”

“Yeah, Kook. Not gonna lie, but I’d be dicking down girls left and right if I had a dick as big as yours,” Jimin says, eyeing the bulge in his teeny tiny shorts with interest. “In fact, I’d probably be a top if I had a dick as big as yours.”

Seokjin laughs, nearly shooting out phlegm from the strength of it. “Oh god, don’t tell me. You couldn’t get your dick hard again? Don’t worry bro, if I had a dick as big as yours, it’d take ages for it to fill up too.”

Jungkook flushes, stomping his foot in embarrassment. “That! Wasn’t the problem! The problem is––”

“––that Jungkook nuts too quickly because he doesn’t have any practice,” Jimin tuts sadly, patting the younger with a pitiful expression. “Don’t worry, Kook. Hyung is open to giving you some pointers.”

“That’s not it either!” Jungkook screams, groaning in annoyance. “She came up to me because she offered to pay me $3000 to enter a dick-measuring contest!”

Jimin and Seokjin tilt their heads in tandem, still not getting it. “So?” they both chorus, giving him a blank-eyed stare.

“Are you guys out of your mind? I got bribed into showing my dick to some strangers like some kind of weird prostitute!”

“It’s not prostitution if you’re not engaging in sexual activity,” Jimin muses, taking a long sip from his coffee. He shrugs his shoulders. “Honestly, I don’t see how this is a problem. You show some girls your dick, and you get money. Dudes would kill to be in your position.”

“Oh my God, don’t tell me,” Seokjin leers at Jungkook, and the younger almost can’t stop himself from landing another blow against the elder’s abused crotch. “You got roped into some bukkake orgy and now you’re asking your hyungs to help you? Don’t worry, Jungoo… You came to the right people. You see, Jimin and I have some experience with––”

“LALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” Jungkook jams his fingers into his own ears, screaming hysterically to drown out the sounds of Seokjin and Jimin’s combined laughter. Jungkook pouts at them, glowering pathetically. “Seriously, hyungs! Do you not see how fucked up this is? Who follows a stranger to a club, pretends they’re going to give you a blowjob, only to offer 3K for you to show some strangers your dick?”

“A regular Friday night if you ask me,” Jimin says, shrugging once more. Jungkook stares at him, realizing that maybe it was the wrong idea being friends with these two lunatics in the first place. Knowing Jimin, he’d probably been in much more lewd and compromising situations than Jungkook will ever have. Rumor has it that Jimin had once done a keg stand while having his dick sucked while on vacation in Japan.  

“Well, if you were really against it, then you could have just said no?” Seokjin points out, wagging a finger at him. “I know Y/N, and yeah she’s kind of demented, but she still knows that no means no. Surely, you haven’t considered the fact that you are 1) a pushover and 2) horny for her?”

“Well, yea––No, what––No!” Jungkook splutters, stammering wildly. His two hyungs grin salaciously, gazing at him knowingly. Jungkook can only groan, as he knows that they kind of have a point. He’s always been too weak for girls and money, so when you put those two things together…

“I might be addicted to the BBC tag on Pornhub, but you my friend… You’re in it for the BBCC,” Jimin snickers, patting Jungkook comfortingly on the back. Jungkook groans into his hands, slumping onto the loveseat beside Seokjin, whose icepack had long since melted and caused the seat to be uncomfortably damp.

“BBCC? I’m almost too afraid to ask.”

“Big black credit card,” Seokjin pipes up, wrapping his own arm around Jungkook’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, bud. We all have been there.”

That’s the problem: somehow, Jungkook finds himself much too ready to accept his fate, eagerly awaiting when you’ll text him next.

x x x x x

After a much-needed shower at Jimin and Seokjin’s place, Jungkook tiredly makes his way to the nearby bus stop, ready to go home and sleep the entire weekend away. Screw his Biochemistry midterm on Monday––if he really is going to whore himself out to you, then he’s going to need all the self-care and therapy that he can get. His phone itches in the pocket of his shorts (yes, he’s still wearing the thot shorts), and he wonders if he should text his therapist and ask for an extra appointment later in the day.

Just as he’s about to pull out his phone, he senses it vibrate once, twice. He freezes in his steps, walking out of the way of busy pedestrians on the sidewalk and into a random clothing store. He sees the lone cashier staring at him from the corner of his eye, but he does not check if her gaze is filled with disgust or disgust. Probably disgust, he surmises.

Flicking his phone on, he sees two new messages from you and his heart immediately starts to hammer in his chest. No one has ever made Jungkook equal parts scared and excited, though he imagines you might have that effect on most people, what with how you look like the type to tie up unsuspecting victims to harvest their organs in your summer cottage up in the mountains or something. Or maybe that’s just Jungkook projecting.

from: y/n l/n ❣️ hey! sorry for taking so long to text you. my roommate tried to make cheesecake at 3am last night and i had to supervise in case he burned down the apartment.

from: y/n l/n ❣️ anyway, i was wondering if you were free later? some time after 5 maybe? let me know!

You already want to meet so soon. Jungkook exhales heavily through his nostrils, pinching the bridge of his nose in an attempt to calm himself. Alright, this is fine. Jungkook is a big boy: he can handle going to a girl’s home without losing his mind. You didn’t say anything about this being the actual dick-measuring contest yet, so he can only assume this is just you asking for something else. Maybe to talk more? Maybe he’ll get a down payment for the prize money? Maybe you’ll follow through on your raincheck? God, is it wrong for him to have his dick plumping up in his shorts when you haven’t even done anything to him yet?

(On the contrary, you could say that you have done a lot for him over the past twenty four hours, though maybe not in the way most people would expect.)

from: jjk yeah i can meet you at 5. what’s this for?

from: y/n l/n ❣️ oh, nothing! i just wanted to talk to you about the actual competition and stuff. plus, i want to actually measure your dick, just so i can see how much you’re actually packing down there ;)

from: jjk ….yeah, fine. whatever.

(This really isn’t a “whatever” type of situation, but honestly, Jungkook doesn’t really know what to say anymore. He’s officially lost his singular brain wrinkle. He’s smooth brain McGee over here.)

You follow up by sharing your location with him, and he’s surprised to find that you aren’t that far away from where Jungkook was right now. He really did mean to go back to his apartment first and get changed into something more… morally acceptable, but since he hasn’t been arrested yet for public decency, he should be okay with going to your place in Seokjin’s thot shorts.

There’s something invigorating about going to your place, dressed the way he is… Maybe the shorts are somehow giving him brain hemorrhage by indirect association with Seokjin. Either that or Jungkook simply loves torturing himself by embarrassing himself constantly. Well, at least he showered and combed his hair before leaving his hyungs’ place.

He inputs your address into his phone map, taking his sweet time as he walks the short distance to your apartment. As he passes by the buildings and street corners, he can’t help but think that he might have been around this area before. He tries to rack his brain, forcing himself to remember why this route seems so familiar.

“Oh right. Yoongi-hyung’s new apartment should be around here,” he muses to himself. He wonders if his hyung had gotten home safely last night. He should probably text him to make sure, but he’s got a literal dick appointment to attend to first, so he’ll remember to check up on Yoongi once he finishes up with you.

Does that make him a shitty friend? Probably. But would Yoongi do the same if Jungkook was in his shoes? Probably.

Yeah, Jungkook and his group of friends aren’t exactly role models for a sensitive and loving relationship, though that’s not much of a surprise to anyone.

He arrives at a decent looking apartment complex, complete with its own little water fountain at the entrance. He walks through the automatic sliding doors, peers at the shiny caution tape barring him from using the elevator. He stares at your address on his phone, groaning loudly when he sees “1603” much to his annoyance.

“No wonder she had such great thighs,” Jungkook mutters angrily to himself, preparing himself for the long and arduous journey his glutes are going to endure.

Years later, Jungkook finds himself at your door, his lungs jumping out of his throat as he struggles to catch his breath. He hunches over, elbows digging into his thighs as he wipes the sweat trailing down his neck. He can see your door just near the end of the hall, but just as he’s about to crawl his way over––

“Oh. Oh my,” a familiar voice says from behind him, and Jungkook looks over his shoulder to see…

“Yoongi-hyung?” Jungkook exclaims incredulously, mouth gaping at the sight of his thought-to-be-dead hyung coming out of the elevator. He splutters for a few more moments before pointing an accusing finger at Yoongi. “You used the elevator?”

Yoongi raises an eyebrow, turning to look at the elevator with a thoughtful look. “Oh right. The elevator works. The maintenance people just forgot to remove the safety tape from last week.” Yoongi looks back at Jungkook, gaze lowering to his legs. “I see that Seokjin has provided you with his thot shorts.”

Jungkook doesn’t even try to cover himself, used to his friends seeing him in varying degrees of undress. Like, what was Yoongi going to do? Take a photo of him and post it to his Twitter for his thousands of followers to see? He wasn’t that cruel...

Snap! Yoongi pockets his phone quickly, clearing his throat. “So,” Yoongi walks up closer to him, peering at Jungkook curiously. “What brings you to my apartment? Not that I’m happy to see you, but I assumed you and the rest of our idiotic gang would have died of alcohol poisoning the night before.”

“...It’s a long story,” Jungkook says, rubbing the back of his neck. “Say... Where did you go last night, by the way? I tried to look for you, but Seokjin said your roommate brought you home?”

“Yeah. She went to the club with a bunch of her friends. She offered me a ride with her because she knew how much I hated it there,” Yoongi says, frowning. “Fuck you, by the way.”

“What the fuck? What the hell did I do?”

“I don’t know. You’re wearing Seokjin’s shorts and my ape brain told me to retaliate out of instinct,” he explains. He takes another long, good glance at his shorts. “Color me surprised that they fit you, by the way. I’d assume your huge ass would be making it rip the seams, or perhaps your dick would be saying hello.”

Jungkook pats his junk proudly. “I know, right? Big guy decided to cooperate, for some reason.”

“Will you guys stop yapping it up out in the hall? I’m pretty sure Mrs. Sy can hear you two idiots from the first floor,” a voice from behind Jungkook hisses, causing the two boys to jump up in surprise. Lo and behold, your head is peeking out from behind your door, a perfectly stenciled eyebrow arched in annoyance. “Well? Are you two coming in or what?” You return back to your apartment, assuming that they’d soon follow.

Yoongi looks at Jungkook. “Wait. You know Y/N?”

Jungkook looks at Yoongi. “Wait. You know Y/N?”

Yoongi squints his eyes. “She’s my roommate. She’s a mutual friend of––”

“––Seokjin,” Jungkook finishes. The two of them pause, a metaphorical light bulb glowing above their heads.

“Ah.”

“Ah.”

“I see. The demoness has roped you into some hare-brained scheme, hasn’t she?” Yoongi nods sagely, rubbing his beardless chin. “Can’t say I feel sorry for you since I have to live with the wench.”

Jungkook grimaces. “Man. She’s insane around you too?”

Yoongi shrugs, walking over to your shared apartment. “I’m dating Seokjin, remember? Everyday, I suffer. Everyday, I feel my arm.”

When Jungkook steps into your apartment, he can’t help but be a little surprised. Of course, he shouldn’t have expected to see a medieval torture chamber in the middle of a metropolitan city, but he wouldn’t put it past you to somehow make it happen. Instead, he finds a fairly cozy-looking home, with comfy couches and filled bookshelves, complete with a small balcony that had a few fresh herbs growing in little pots. It looks…

“Yoongi-hyung. You definitely decorated, didn’t you?” Jungkook snorts, fingering the little kitty-patterned throw blanket draped on your couch. It’s soft and expensive, and definitely something only Yoongi would buy. The elder doesn’t even bother looking embarrassed; he just throws Jungkook the middle finger as he walks towards the kitchen.

You come out once more from one of the connecting rooms at the other end of the apartment, presumably your bedroom. You motion for Jungkook to come in. “Yoongi, you’re gonna bake all day, right? Mind if you let Jungkook and I speak alone in my room?”

Yoongi waves his hand disinterestedly. “Whatever. If you guys are gonna be freaky in there, I’m gonna start playing clown music to drown you guys out, alright? And I mean the remix versions with the extra clown honks.”

You roll your eyes. “Yea, yea. We get it. Grandpa needs his special time alone too.”

Jungkook’s heart jumps when you don’t even bother correcting him. Does that mean you guys really were going to do something freaky? Hopefully, Yoongi has learned to differentiate screams of terror from screams of pleasure, though it’s hard to tell if he’d care otherwise.

He follows you into your room and immediately notices the perfectly made bed and the neatly organized desk. Your curtains are drawn close, but the sheerness of it allows the mid-afternoon sun to brighten the room regardless. Your bedroom smells faintly of vanilla and cinnamon, and he notices the small scented candle still smoking from when you’d put it out.

Nothing in the room indicates that he was inside the room of a psychopath, though maybe Namjoon or Taehyung would argue that anyone who makes their bed every day might be a little out of it. Jungkook continues to stand awkwardly by the door, unsure of what to do next except to stare.

You plop onto your bed, giving him an expectant look. “Well? Are you just gonna stand there by the door and have Yoongi see us measure your dick or what?” That gets Jungkook to move. He closes the door, pausing for a second before locking it for good measure. Then, he takes the short two steps that he needs to stand right in front of you.

You crane your neck, appraising him silently as he fidgets from the weirdness of it all. Your gaze trails down and Jungkook is not surprised when you stop to stare at his neon pink shorts. You snort, thumbing the edge of his shorts lightly. Jungkook shivers even though you’re barely touching him and he knows that you notice.

“Trying to get back at me for leaving you with blue balls yesterday?” you muse, letting go of the thin material. Jungkook wants to bring your hand back to his thigh, but he forces himself to keep still.

He looks down. “Not really? But I mean… Is it working?” He can’t help the hopeful lilt in his voice.

You laugh, patting him lightly on the thigh. “No worries, Jungkook. I did promise you a little something last night, right? I admit it was shitty of me to leave you like that, despite what you already might think of me. You probably think I’m just some insane bitch, right?”

Jungkook stares at you. “Do you want me to be honest or...?”

You roll your eyes, but you seem more amused than anything. “Save it. I know I’m weird. But, a promise is a promise…” You trail off, winking at him. “Besides, this works out for the both of us, right? I wanted to measure your dick before we meet up with Taeyong and Doyoung tomorrow, and I can help you blow your rocks right after. Seems like a deal?”

“Is it bad that I’m so ready to have you suck me off that I’m honest to God accepting your offer without any sense of dignity?”

You consider him for a moment. Then, “Nah. I know dudes who would do worse things for three grand and to have their dick sucked. I’d say you’re just doing you.” You place your hands back on his hips, thumbing around the garter of his shorts.

Jungkook groans, not even flinching when you rip his shorts and boxers off in one rough flourish. His soft dick dangles heavily between his thighs. “See, I’m not entirely comforted knowing that you agree with my moral dilemma.”

You clap your hands together, excitement glittering in your expression. “Who cares! Let’s get you all hard and ready, shall we?”

Jungkook squirms under your gaze, getting dick stage fright. “H-hey… This isn’t like porn… I can’t just get hard when I want to, you know? I need… stimulation or some shit.”

You nod, humming thoughtfully. “You’re right… And I remember you said something about taking a long time to get fully hard, right? That’s gonna be a problem indeed.” You lean forward, “So. Tell me, Jungkook. What are your kinks?”

If Jungkook was drinking water, he’s sure he’d be doing a spit take right now. Instead, he just chokes on his own saliva, coughing out his lungs at your sudden inquiry. “M-my kinks? What for?”

“To get you hard, duh.” You leave featherlight grazes around his thigh, leaving goosebumps in their wake. It stirs something inside Jungkook, but not enough to do anything yet. You tsk, your brow crumpling as you decide what to do next. “What if I…”

You dig your nails into the meat of his thighs and inadvertently pull him closer. He stumbles forward, his breath knocked out of him despite how little you’d done so far. “W-wait,” he wheezes, shock running down his spine. “I––”

You smirk at him, digging harder until you’re sure to leave white little crescents littered around his thigh. “Aha. I guessed you’d be into that. You liked it when I bit you yesterday, didn’t you?”

Jungkook can’t even answer. He’s trying to keep his breathing steady, squeezing his eyelids shut. He hears you shuffling in front of him, and he soon senses your body press closer to him, alerting him that you have stood up. You wrap your arms around his neck, bending his head down until he can feel your breath fan across his lips.

Are you going to kiss him? But the contact doesn’t come; instead, your hands snake up to his hair, massaging his scalp for a moment before tugging on his roots harshly. It pulls a whine from his lips, the response surprising even himself. “S-shit,” he grits his teeth, urging you to do it again. He opens his eyes slightly, sees you watching him with rapt attention.

You lick your lips, looking at him like a meal ready to be eaten. The heat in his stomach builds, but Jungkook doesn’t have it in him to be embarrassed anymore. He doesn’t really have any more room in his brain anymore other than his unabashedly horny thoughts.

“Pain slut, huh? Somehow, it suits you.” You sound breathy, as if you were the one being pleasured instead. It makes Jungkook’s cock twitch a little, coming to life in front of you as you continue to assault his nerves.

“Do you like pain everywhere?” Your hands leave his head, coming down to the edge of his shirt. It’s a silent request, and Jungkook allows you to lift up his sweater, leaving him completely bare before you. You throw it somewhere to your right, eyes raking him up and down. Something about you still being fully clothed makes Jungkook’s inside light on fire, and it rushes blood down south before he can even understand why.

You chuckle, looking at his hardened nipples with interest. “Pierced? What a naughty boy you are.” You flick him there experimentally, and when Jungkook’s breath hitches, that gives you a go sign to do more. You fiddle around with the rosy bud some more, circling it with the pads of your fingers until Jungkook was a whining mess before you. “Sensitive… What a prize you are, Jungkook.”

Jungkook keens at the praise, even though he knows you didn’t really mean it in a good way. He finds himself wanting to please you: to get himself hard for you, to make you want him like how he wants you. He honestly can’t tell if you’re enjoying this as much as him, other than the way you’re watching him closely like a hawk.

He’s nearly half-hard, his cock jutting against your stomach. You peer down, figuring out your next move as he holds his breath, afraid he might do something wrong. Your fingers move once more, tracing shapes across his stomach and causing the muscles there to contract. He anticipates your next movements, his dick steadily throbbing.

“I suppose the easiest way to get you hard is to touch you here, right?” you murmur lowly. You grip him by the hips all of a sudden, your thumbs placed firmly into his Adonis’ belt. You inch closer and closer to where he wants you the most, and you watch him amusedly as he clamps down on his bottom lip, unwilling to sound desperate so early in the game.

(Was it early though? He’s been thinking about this exact scenario since last night, even plaguing his dreams. Still, it wouldn’t look cool if he just… busted a nut just from having his dick out. Even he knew that was kinda sad.)

Despite his best efforts, perhaps the desperation is apparent on his face because you eventually do take pity on him. You wrap your fingers around his length, not moving just yet. You smile secretly to yourself when you hear Jungkook exhale and swallow audibly, but you’re waiting for something. You look up at him, batting your eyelashes innocently as if you didn’t have his dick in your hands.

“What do good boys say when they want something?” You’re fishing, but your teasing tone breaks Jungkook down enough to release a ragged moan. He places his hands on your shoulder, using you for support as you slowly inch your hand down to the base of his cock.

He can’t keep the whine out of his voice when he says, “P...Please. Move?”

Your grin is wicked. “Of course, baby.”

Yeah, if you keep this up, Jungkook is going to come embarrassingly fast and he doesn’t think you’ll be quite pleased with that.

There is pre-cum leaking at the tip of his cock, dangerously close to pooling over and dripping all over your carpet. You are quick to swipe it off with your thumb, dragging it down his shaft for an easier slide. Jungkook’s abs tense, his teeth clamping on his bottom lip so aggressively that he almost splits it open. His grip on your shoulders tighten, but you don’t mind. You keep stroking him languidly, not going fast enough for Jungkook’s liking, but the concentration on your face is enough to make Jungkook release a stilted moan. It doesn’t take long until the wet squelch of your hand jerking him fills the room, coupled with the sound of Jungkook’s labored breathing.

“You’re really wet,” you chuckle, watching with fascination as your words urge another drop of pre-cum to collect at his tip. “Are you always like this?”

“N-not… Really?” It takes a while for Jungkook’s brain to connect, caught between wanting to keep his eyes shut and wanting to stare at your cute hands trying to wrap around his dick. Your fingers can’t even circle the girth of his cock, the realization almost making Jungkook come there and then.

He’d never been one to be overly confident about his penis size, to be honest. He doesn’t really go around proclaiming it to the world, and his meager body count doesn’t help the fact that most people are unaware of the extent of his package. He isn’t itching to tell people either, but he’s starting to see why people would be envious of having a large dick. The sight of you struggling to pump his cock really makes for a pretty picture.

“Ugh, my arm is getting tired,” you complain after a while, getting frustrated when you realize that Jungkook is almost fully hard, but not quite. “Jeez. Your dick is so huge that it really takes a minute for the fuel tank to fill up, huh?”

“I-I’m sorry?” Jungkook wheezes, nearly crying out when you flick your wrist in just the right manner. Your hand pauses by the head of his dick, squeezing tightly enough not to be painful, much to his disappointment. Jungkook is still too shy to ask for more.

You let go of him all of a sudden, causing a guttural whine to escape Jungkook’s lips. Ignoring him, you nudge him back a few steps, Jungkook complying wordlessly. He’s still confused until you reach over to your bed, grabbing one of your pillows before dropping to your knees. Jungkook’s jaw drops, spluttering incomprehensibly as you cushion your knees with the pillow.

You look up, giggling amusedly. “Reminds you of last night, huh? Not gonna lie, I’ve been itching to have your cock in my mouth, though I’m not even sure if any of it can fit. That’s not gonna stop me from trying.”

Oh God. Oh Geez. Jungkook is going to die, isn’t he? He vaguely remembers his dream from the night before, how your pretty pink lips had stretched over his dick, barely going past his head. He whines pathetically, another string of pre-cum finally dripping down and landing on your thighs.

You hold him by his hips, preventing him from moving as your hot breath fans across his wet head. You lick your lips, taking one glance up at him before giving his tip a quick peck. It’s nothing to write home about, but the way Jungkook’s breath catches is enough to encourage you to do more. You suckle his head a little, suctioning your lips and moaning slightly at the bitter tang. Your eyes flutter shut, tongue swirling nondescript patterns as you greedily engrave his taste into your mind.

The image of you enjoying yourself is enough to get Jungkook fully hard. He feels like he’s on fire, from his flushed cheeks all the way to his groin. He doesn’t know where to put his hands, unsure if you’d allow him to pull on your hair.

You must have noticed his plight, because one of your hands leaves his hips to grasp his own, bringing it to your hair. You pop off his dick for a second, lips already redder than before. Jungkook wishes he could kiss you, but he’s still so unsure. “You can pull my hair, but if you push me down further than I’m willing to go, I’m stopping immediately, okay?” Your voice is authoritative and your gaze is steely, but it only prompts Jungkook to moan in reply.

He nods, nearly getting whiplash from how quickly his head bobs. You smirk, appeased by his obedience. You return to your ministrations, rewarding him by going further down and bobbing your head at a snail’s pace.

Jungkook’s sanity is barely hanging onto a thread. He wants to thrust into your wet mouth, never having felt this sort of pleasure in his life. He’s beginning to understand why Jimin is such a slut, and he wonders why on earth he’s been denying himself things like this. His eyes are half-lidded, but he’s determined to watch you as your masterful tongue brings him to the edge of hysteria.

When Jungkook doesn’t think your mouth can go further down, you surprise him once again. You go lower, and Jungkook feels your throat swallow around him until he nearly screams. Drool pools in the inside of his mouth, as if Jungkook’s body doesn’t know what to do with the pleasure. His legs nearly give out, but your hands keep him mounted.

His toes are curling, thighs trembling. “Fuck,” he whines, unable to stop himself when he thrusts a little into your mouth. “Shit, I didn’t mean to–”

You glance up at him. Your eyes are tearing up, but otherwise you look unperturbed. You flatten your tongue on the underside of his dick, tracing the vein there as you slowly come up for air. You swallow the mix of saliva and pre-cum in your mouth, licking your lips like you’ve just had a 5-star meal. You look absolutely debauched, though Jungkook knows he’s probably not doing much better.

“No gag reflex. It’s fine,” you shrug, as if you’d just told him about the weather. Your voice sounds hoarse, roughened by the assault of his dick on your throat. “Are you close?”

Jungkook doesn’t want to admit it, but– “Yes,” he says. He’s breathing like he’s just run a marathon, sweat dripping down his neck. You observe it drip down his body, as it curves down his neck and to his chest.

“You aren’t coming until I say so, got it?” You warn. He nods, cock twitching in desperation for your mouth to continue what it was doing.

But instead, you reach back to your bed, and Jungkook finally notices the tape measure that you’d left there. Oh right. Jungkook is brought back to reality, suddenly remembering why he’d gone here in the first place.

“This will only take a second, baby,” you whisper lowly, and Jungkook’s conscience is shot out of his head once more. Call him baby one more time, and Jungkook is sure to bust his load. He’s worried he might gain a Pavlovian response to the word; getting hard every time someone so much as utters “baby” for whatever reason.

You unravel the measuring tape, placing the end of it near the base of his member. You drag it over his length, whistling in awe as the number keeps growing and growing. “Shit, you really are huge,” you gasp in amazement, peering closely at the measurement to make sure you aren’t reading it wrong. “Nearly nine inches. Are you insane?”

Jungkook chuckles in embarrassment, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s… nothing?”

You snort, shaking your head at the pure audacity of this boy in front of you. “No need to humblebrag, baby. Unless you want me to degrade you, then stop being coy with me.”

At the word “degrade,” Jungkook’s erection twitches with interest. Of course, you notice. “Oh? You want me to degrade you?”

Jungkook’s face heats up, forever astonished by your brazenness. “N-no! That’s not what I–”

“You want me to call your cock pathetic, huh? Is that what you want?”

Jungkook whines, shifting from foot to foot as he tries to avoid your lustful gaze. “I…”

“Want me to call you names, huh? Took your cock so long to get hard, struggled so much to get it up. What a useless dick that you have…” you trail off, covering your mouth behind your hand to hide your grin.

Jungkook feels like he’s about to fall over. The pressure in between his legs is reaching his breaking point, and Jungkook really doesn’t want to embarrass himself by coming untouched. He has a sinking suspicion you’d enjoy it if he did, however.

Your hand slides back to his crotch, cupping his erection once more. You run your palm along him once, enjoying the way his breath hitches. He’s undeniably close and it fills you with pride knowing that you did this to him. “You’re close.” You say it like a fact.

Jungkook squirms. “Please… Faster… I’m so close, Y/N. Just a lil bit more, please…”

“I love it when you beg,” you laugh, sounding a little mean. “But since you’ve been nice all this time, I’ll let you.”

Your hands speed up, twisting and pulling him in ways that Jungkook isn’t sure are possible. He’s full-on panting like a fucking dog right now, humping shallowly into your hand like he’s lost his mind. He’s so unbelievably close, the heat in his stomach climbing higher and higher until––

“SHIT! Y/N!”

You stop, confused. That shout didn’t sound like Jungkook. You turn to your closed door, ears straining for the sound again. “Yoongi?” you call out. “Did you say something?”

Muffled footsteps come rushing closer. Your doorknob jiggles, but Jungkook had thankfully locked it when he’d come into the room earlier. Yoongi huffs from behind the door, banging loudly on the frame. “Y/N! Help! I fucking dropped the cheesecake!”

“He dropped the cheesecake,” you repeat dully to yourself. You share a look with Jungkook. The banging doesn’t stop.

“Y/N PLEASEEE THE KITCHEN IS A MESS!” Yoongi screams, uncaring of whatever he was interrupting. “YOU OWE ME! I PAID FOR YOUR RENT LAST MONTH SO YOU GOTTA HELP!”

“I hate that bastard,” you sigh, defeated. You let go of Jungkook reluctantly, giving him an apologetic look. Jungkook wants to cry. “I’m… really sorry for leaving you again like this. I…” you hesitate, looking at the door then back to him. “I do kind of owe him, so…”

Jungkook exhales shakily, bending down to the floor to pick his shirt up. He dresses quietly, cheeks burning. Why must you keep torturing him like this? He thinks his balls might explode at this point. “It’s no problem… I’ll just take care of myself at home.”

You peer at him, feeling incredibly guilty. “I have a connecting bathroom. You could use it if you want?”

“That’d be great, thanks.” Jungkook says before hurriedly rushing out of there. He refuses to look at you as he slams the bathroom door shut, breathing slowly through his nostrils in an attempt to calm himself. He waits as he listens for you to leave before his hands scramble back onto his dick, loudly crying out as he tugs himself to completion.

His legs give out from under him as he slides down to the floor, spurts of hot cum flying past his fist. Wave after wave of pleasure tingles down his spine as he slides up and down his cock. After his dick shoots its last droplet of cum, Jungkook slams his head against your bathroom wall. He’s exhausted.

He closes his eyes, thinks about how his life has led him up to this moment. Jizzing in some near stranger’s home while one of his best friends cleans up his fallen cheesecake.

“Jesus fucking Christ I hate it here,” he says. He gets up unsteadily, washing his hands of his mess.

x x x x x

Fully dressed and unsatisfyingly sated, Jungkook exits your bathroom with a flush down his neck. He keeps his eyes averted from you, but not before glaring heatedly at Yoongi as he turns to leave. Yoongi cocks his head to the side, annoyingly unaware of what he had done.

“You okay, dude? You look like a bull ready to pummel me,” Yoongi snickers, bemused by Jungkook’s flared nostrils. “Seriously. You okay?”

You slap Yoongi on the thigh, huffing angrily as you stay squatted on the floor, your other hand busy wiping off the cheesecake from the floor with a paper towel. “Shut up. You’ve done enough shitheadery today.”

Yoongi looks at the mounted clock on your fridge. “It’s only 7PM. My shitheadery doesn’t clock out until 10PM today.”

Rolling his eyes, Jungkook waves his goodbye. “Well. I guess I’ll see you guys,” he murmurs, inching closer to the door. He walks out in silence, no longer bothering to hide his pouting. He takes the elevator down, ruminating on his existence. When he reaches the ground floor, his phone immediately dings with a notification.

from: y/n l/n ❣️ hey. please don’t hate me. i’m really sorry. raincheck?

Jungkook snorts, stopping in his tracks. It’s always just rainchecks with you. He types up a quick response.

from: jjk it’s not your fault. it’s fine.

from: y/n l/n ❣️ you sure? you got off well by yourself at least, right?

from: jjk yeah. don’t worry about it.

from: y/n l/n ❣️ if you’re down… i could help you through the phone? when you get home? :( i just feel really bad. like, genuinely. yoongi is an asshole.

The offer sounds interesting, but sadly, Jungkook is out of juice for the day. He’s got a lot of stamina for many things, but it turns out he’s out of practice when it comes to his own dick.

from: jjk nah it’s fine. thanks though.

from: y/n l/n ❣️ i hope you’re still down for the contest? doyoung texted me while we were busy a while ago and said that they were free tomorrow after 12?

from: jjk no worries. i’ll be there.

from: y/n l/n ❣️ <3 ty you’re the best!! <3

He groans, slapping himself in the face. God, he is so fucking whipped.

x x x x x

The next day, Jungkook wakes up with a burning headache. He feels hungover even though he didn’t drink at all the night before, and Jungkook wonders if his brain had somehow deflated overnight with how hollow he feels. He grabs his phone from his bed stand, sees a new text from you reminding him of what he’d promised.

You had sent him an address to another apartment complex just a few bus stops away from where he lives and he assumes this must be either Doyoung’s or Taeyong’s place. He shuts his eyes for another few moments, trying his best to remember how to live.

It’s already nearing noon, so he needs to get going if he doesn’t want to be late. He shudders to think what you might do if he ghosts you. Despite how guilty you were yesterday for leaving him mid-nut, he doesn’t think that debt will cover him if he chooses not to show up to the dick-measuring contest.

On the bus, he fidgets in his seat, picking at the rips in his jeans and doing anything to keep his mind busy. He keeps thinking that someone knows what he’s up to, paranoia eating him from the inside out as he darts his eyes left and right, hoping no one can actually read minds. The bus is relatively empty, with only him and an elderly couple sitting near the front. They seem none the wiser, though Jungkook fears what they would think if they knew what he was up to.

He almost wishes he was wearing Seokjin’s thot shorts, as the skimpy excuse of clothing had somehow given him some sort of confidence the day before. Gone is that false sense of (misplaced) bravado; instead, Jungkook is filled with anxiety at the prospect of showing a couple of strangers his dick.

(A fairly human response, but that doesn’t help Jungkook’s current case.)

He arrives at the apartment complex in record time, and he sees you standing by the entrance. You look well-rested, your hands fiddling with your phone. Jungkook has only ever seen you when you were wearing that revealing dress from the club and your pajamas from your home, so he’s kind of shocked to see you look cute in your simple white dress and jean jacket. Not that you didn’t look good those other times, but seeing you look like a normal university student is astonishing, for lack of better word.

You almost look like a regular girl just waiting for her date to pick her up.

“Hey!” You greet him cheerily when you see him approach, waving at him. He waves back, the apples of his cheeks dusted pink from his previous thoughts. She’s not your date, you weirdo. Wait, she’s the weirdo. Get it together man! This shit is fucked up.

“This is their place, I assume?” Jungkook asks, looking at the building. It appears almost identical to your own apartment complex, minus the mini water fountain at the front. Ah, the wonders of living in a concrete jungle.

“Yep,” you nod. You start walking towards the entrance, with Jungkook following closely. “You ready? God, I can’t wait to see Doyoung’s stupid face. He’s gonna be so pissed!”

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Jungkook mutters, vibrating with nerves.

You both make your way to the apartment, with you humming quietly while he sweats profusely beside you. At least one of you is having fun, he thinks grimly to himself. You reach apartment 322, knocking three times before a boy with neat black hair opens the door.

“Y/N! Good to see you,” the boy says, reaching for a hug. You hug him back enthusiastically, ignoring Jungkook’s bemused stares. If this boy is either Doyoung or Taeyong, aren’t you supposed to… hate both of their guts? Or at least, not be friends? What even is going on?

When you step back, you point at Jungkook offhandedly. “Oh yeah, this is Jungkook. The guy I’m dating.”

Jungkook nearly chokes on his own spit, but luckily the boy doesn’t notice. Right… You guys are supposed to be dating. It’s not real, though. Get a grip! “Hi, I’m Jungkook,” he wheezes, shaking the other guy’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you…”

“I’m Doyoung,” he introduces himself, a small smile on his lips. “Nice to meet you too. I’ve heard… a lot about you, so to speak.”

Jungkook squeaks, earning a chuckle from Doyoung. “No need to be embarrassed. I think we’re way past that point now. Sorry for roping you into this, by the way. But when Y/N wants to fight, well… Let’s just say I’m not going to be the first one who backs down.”

“Says the dude who couldn’t even beat me at arm wrestling,” you snort, pushing past Doyoung and walking into his home. Doyoung rolls his eyes, gesturing for Jungkook to come in.

“Props to you for dating her, by the way. I’ve been friends with that demon since elementary school, so I know what she’s like. You must be a guy with strong willpower,” Doyoung says.

“I’m… Sorry for saying this, but I’m kind of confused? I didn’t know you guys were friends,” Jungkook says, examining Doyoung’s apartment. It’s a lot bigger than yours, though he does recall you saying that Doyoung was filthy rich. It’s a lot more modern looking for sure, as Jungkook can see that Doyoung has two industrial-sized refrigerators in his kitchen. What kind of university student needs two industrial-sized refrigerators?

“Yeah, we are. She actually only dated Taeyong because she knew we both liked each other but I was too stubborn to make a move, so she did the only thing she knew how to do: be an asshole,” he explains simply. Jungkook nods, needing no further clarification.

“Jungkook! Come with me,” you pop out from one of the doorways deeper in the apartment, beckoning him closer. You point at Doyoung, “And you. Get Taeyong ready. I’m gonna need a few minutes to get Jungkook in tip-top shape!”

Doyoung chuckles, shoving Jungkook towards you. “Well, that’s my cue. I’ll introduce you to Taeyong later, I guess. He’s in my bedroom, so we’ll come out in about 20 minutes? That should be enough time, right?”

Yeah. Right. Jungkook walks numbly towards you, arms rigged by his sides as you pull him into Doyoung’s spare bathroom. You lock the door close, whirling around to face him with your hands on your hips. You’ve rolled your sleeves up, appearing like a demented surgeon preparing to dissect him. “Well! Strip!”

Jungkook is clumsy when he unbuttons his jeans, his entire body feeling like it’s being weighed down by pounds of lead. He shucks them off, leaving him in his boxers (thankfully, with no holes in them. He made sure to double-check before he left this morning.) You appraise him silently, thinking of what to do next.

Before Jungkook can say anything, your hands are already on his chest, pointer fingers placed near his nipples. His piercings are visible through his thin shirt, much to your appreciation. You circle them lazily, much like how you did yesterday.

Jungkook can’t relax long enough to enjoy it, however. His shoulders are tense, fists clenched behind his back. He’s trying to stop thinking about what’s going to happen, trying to enjoy your touch. He grits his teeth, swallowing thickly.

“I… I can’t do this, Y/N.” he mumbles. “I don’t think I can get hard. I’m too nervous.”

You pause in your movements. “You’re nervous?” you purr, voice lowering. Jungkook stops fidgeting to stare at you, sensing the shift in your demeanor. “How can I alleviate that, hmm?”

“What?”

You pinch his nipples, hard. He gasps, whimpering right after from the jolt of pain. “I think I know how to calm you down,” you murmur, staring him down like he’s nothing more than a delicious snack.

“You want me to hurt you, huh? Is that it? Answer me, slut.” You say those words, but there’s a small bit of hesitation in your expression, like you’re worried if he truly likes it. When he nods enthusiastically, urging you to go on, you smile softly at him. His heart hammers in his chest, a small case of butterflies beginning to erupt there. You look kinda cute, even if you have his nipples in a twist.

“If it’s too much, just say ‘dumbo’ and I’ll stop, okay?” Jungkook nods once more, eager to get going.

You smirk, letting go of his nipples and gripping his hips instead. Your thumbs stay innocently above his boxers. “Do you like it when I call you names too, huh? You like being pinched and prodded?”

Jungkook whines, already turning needy. The anxiety from a while ago slowly drains away, leaving only lust to cloud his mind. “N-no, I just…”

“No?” You laugh, your thumbs catching on the garter of his boxers and pulling them down until the tip of his cock peeks out, already in the midst of getting hard. “Then what’s this?”

“Nggh…” Jungkook can’t say anything, can only stare helplessly at you.

“Pathetic. You have a nine-inch cock but it’s good for nothing except earning me a bit of money. Shame, isn’t it? Would be nice if you knew how to use it, then maybe I’d let you fuck me,” you say, edging closer to him until your lips find his exposed collarbones. You suck harshly, giddy when color immediately blooms at the spot. You thread your fingers into his dark, fluffy hair – and tug.

It’s too much all at once – Jungkook isn’t ready for any of it at all. He’s panting, whining, drooling a little. He shimmies his hips a little, his boxers sliding down his thighs and onto the marble floor. His cock springs free, already dripping pre-cum but still only half-hard.

“Ah, there it is. Your big useless cock. My, my… Already dirtying Doyoungie’s floor with your slick, huh? You gonna make the floor wet, baby?”

Jungkook garbles something; did he say something? Who knows. All he knows right now is that 1) you’re making him lose his marbles and 2) he’s embarrassingly close. He’s never gotten this hard so fast in his entire life, and he might be suffering from blood loss or something. His head feels light, like he’s floating. His entire body is thrumming, senses filled with nothing but you.

You gently lead him closer to the bathtub where you sit, still paying no attention to his weeping arousal. Your mouth is dangerously close to it though, but you make no move to hold him in your mouth. Instead, you hike your skirt up until it reaches your waist, revealing your white panties. Jungkook zeroes in on the darkening patch, a shuddering breath leaving his lungs. He’s screwed.

“Show me how you pleasured yourself yesterday, when you were in my bathroom,” you say, caressing the front of your panties. You grind against your palm, eyelashes fluttering as your jaw drops into an ‘o’. You exhale through your nose, laughing breathily. “If you do well, then maybe I’ll show you what I did when you left, hmm?”

Jungkook has never moved faster in his life than he did then. He takes his erection into his hands, sighing with relief when he begins to pump. He moves slower than he usually would, unwilling to finish so soon after getting this far. He’s already wound up from your teasing (and if you count the past few days, then let’s say he’s been edged long enough.)

You study him with sharp eyes, focusing on the movement of his hands. “That’s it. It must be easy jerking off with how wet you are, huh?”

“Y-yeah.” Jungkook speeds up, flicking his wrist and focusing on the sensitive tip of his cock. His attention is pulled when he sees you shift from the corner of his eye. His grip stutters when you push your panties to the side, giving him a full view of your glistening core. He licks his lips, aching to put his mouth there but only if you’d allow him.

“Why’d you stop?” You stretch your leg out, using your foot to urge his wrist to keep moving. “Come on. I want to see you.”

You circle your clit leisurely before dipping your fingers into your pussy two fingers at a time, wet enough for the slide to be smooth. Jungkook quickens his pace, wanting to match your speed. He watches, mesmerized, at the sight of your fingers pushing in and out.

The obscene sounds coming from the both of you is loud enough to mask Jungkook’s desperate mewls. He’s going faster now, wanting nothing more than to cum all over you and your pussy. You’d look good in his cum, the pearly droplets would look good in contrast with your perfect skin.

Your thighs are shaking, your own breathing shallow as you quickly approach your end. You’re moaning in tandem with him, your arousal coating your fingers generously as it begins to run down the back of your hand. You’re scissoring yourself, but it’s barely enough when you compare it to Jungkook’s cock. No, nothing would be enough to prepare you to take him. He’d ruin you, and the thought of him breaking you is enough to help you tip over the edge.

“Fuuuuuuck,” you moan, eyes screwing shut as you are wrought with the strongest orgasm of your life. More wetness drips out of you as you rub frantically at your clit, riding your high. You look at Jungkook through your eyelashes, lips parted. “Fuck,” you repeat.

Jungkook can’t hold back anymore. He knows he shouldn’t cum but the pleasure is skyrocketing at an unparalleled speed. His balls tighten, the heat in his abdomen building until he can’t hold back even if he tried. He shudders once, twice, before jets of his cum spills from over his fist, some of the droplets making their way onto your thighs. He moans at the sight, doesn’t try to change his trajectory as his mind is completely hazed with lust. “Shit, I’m–” Jungkook grinds one last time into his hand, before promptly slumping down onto the floor.

“Jesus, that was a lot of cum,” he hears you say, but he can’t bring himself to look at you. He’s ashamed, having cummed without your permission. He can feel his dick softening underneath him, and he dimly remembers that hadn’t been the plan at all. He was supposed to get hard, have his dick measured, and then finish if he was allowed. And now, he ruined everything because he couldn’t hold himself back.

“I’m… I’m sorry,” he mutters quietly, hiding behind his cum-stained hands. He cringes when the mess enters his eyes, wiping his palm somewhere on his leg. “Fuck. I messed everything up. You were just… It was too much… You…”

“Should’ve used your safety word, Jungkook.”

“It wasn’t because it was bad,” Jungkook’s cheeks flush, “It was… too good.”

You kneel beside him, cradling his chin and forcing him to look at you. He had been afraid to see disappointment in your eyes, so he’s absolutely surprised to see you look… amused. You’re even giggling a little.

“Sorry. I went a bit overboard. Even I get horny sometimes,” you shrug, wiping a bit of cum away from his forehead. Your own fingers are slick with your own cum, so really, you were just making a bigger mess of his face. Jungkook can’t say he’s opposed to a little mess. “You just looked so good that I couldn’t help myself.”

“You… enjoyed yourself, too? I’m not insane for thinking there’s something between us?”

“Honestly, you’re at least a little bit insane,” you laugh at his dumbfounded expression. “What? I’m cuckoo, and you know it. The fact that you got turned on by me even after all I’d done to you… Really puts you into perspective, huh?”

Jungkook grumbles, but he’s no longer frowning. “I guess. My friends tell me I have a type, and I guess you fit the bill.”

You laugh wholeheartedly at that, and it brings a smile to Jungkook’s face. He likes it when you laugh, he decides. “Same here. I guess you’re my type, too.”

You peer down at his flaccid dick. “Too bad about your meat flute, though. Unless you can get it back up in the next 2 minutes, then I don’t think you’re getting that three grand.”

“Please don’t call my dick that,” Jungkook says before shrugging his shoulders. “And it’s no worries. I had the biggest nut of my life and that’s good enough to me. Plus, you said you’d give me one thousand dollars if I agreed to help you out, so you better not back out on that.”

You snigger, patting him gently on the shoulder. “Yeah, whatever. But not before we get out of here and you fuck my brains out, got it? You need to work for it, baby.”

Is it bad that his cock was already beginning to stir once more? Unprecedented, as it usually took Jungkook ages to get back up. Maybe you really were the one for him.

“Deal. Let’s get out of here?”

When the two of you finish getting cleaned up and leave the bathroom with no evidence that you had even been there, Doyoung doesn’t even bat an eye as you walk past him, eager to get out of the door. Taeyong is lounging on the couch with his dick… mysteriously still in his pants, as if he had no intention of taking them off in the first place.

“Sorry, we need to leave. There’s an emergency we have to attend to. See you, Doyoungie!” You tug Jungkook along, who waves his own hasty goodbye.

The door clicks shut, leaving the couple alone once more. Taeyong grins up at Doyoung, “You really are amazing, Doyoung. How’d you know she’d end up with him?”

Doyoung flicks open his phone, showing Taeyong his text messages with none other than Kim Seokjin himself. “All according to keikaku, my love. Kim Seokjin always wins.”

[deaneverafter]

There's a post asking casgirls if they were deangirls or samgirls during s1-3 and most of them say they were deangirls and I fucking hate it

Ho boy, I have so many thoughts about this.

1. Ew, imagine the lack of taste needed in not having Dean as your favourite, embarrassing as fuck, couldn't be me. When someone goes out of their way to offer the information of someone other than Dean being their favourite, I have to wonder what's inside their funny little heads 😬😰🤭

2. I have to be honest, I can't imagine anyone genuinely loving him and then just stopping, I simply can't, so I would have to believe that these people never really loved or appreciated him despite what they say. And, you're right, this sort of betrayal sucks and is frankly, revolting, but, I guess quality over quantity for the Dean girls 😔

3. I don't know if this makes it better or not, I don't know if the results have been shown or if they've been told, but if they've been told, I'd be wary of them, since some factions here have a habit of "exaggerating" the truth.

4. In the same vein as the above, in that it's still from the research point of view, but let's say the results really haven't been falsified. Even then, it's a biased sample to begin with. They might be trying to present it as "oh, look at all the Dean girls leaving for Cass", but that's inaccurate because the sample wasn't Dean girls who left. The sample was Cass girls, who had to say someone was their favourite before Cass was in the picture (plus, we know the shippers on both sides hate the "competition", so they could hardly say Sam. I know they try to pretend that Sam is the number # 1 heller king, but uhh, I think we all know that's a laughable idea, to out it kindly). And, as we know, most Cass fans are aware that his association with Dean is what makes him relevant. Plus, now that I think about it, any time I've heard someone claim to be a Cass fan, they almost always have also started watching the show because of the ship. And what I've realized is that people who start watching the show with the expectation of this ship or because they're waiting for Cass, they only see the fanon version of Dean they've seen in fanfiction. Even when there's no Cass, they can't see Dean, not really. I was talking to a friend about this, that shippers tend to only see the fanon version of Dean, and I think this is especially true for those who have never watched the show without knowing the fanon version. They can only see the repressed, violent, needing-to-be-fixed man that they're waiting for Cass to "fix" and then own, so abandoning the fanon version isn't really too hard for them. Additionally, when Cass shows and Dean doesn't follow the script they were told from fandom, he becomes public enemy number one (incel behaviour much?), so it's a double whammy. Plus, even on top of that, they're not invested, because they simply don't care about Dean as his own person and about the story. They're just waiting for a character who came and long overstayed his welcome.

I guess that all makes the sting a little less, knowing that they never really cared about Dean to begin with, but I agree absolutely. It's rude and, not to be dramatic, but it's disloyal. I wish they'd just own up to the truth, that they never really cared about Dean, nor the story, just the version that lives in their heads, instead of giving actual Dean girls a bad rep. Because frankly, especially after everything that's happened, I don't really understand Cass (or Jack, for that matter) being someone's favourite as they're presented in canon. But then, I have taste, so maybe that's my issue

[tigerdrop]

in lieu of doing more strenuous hand-based activities heres the Dogboy Gordon In Heat Megamix ive been talking about. i wrote this over the course of a couple months in an effort to feel okay about writing horny shit again and i only just realized there are nearly 6 thousand words here. and they only really fuck for like 10% of that

ta-dah

ive thought a lot about gordon being stuck back at gordonhouse after getting kicked out of barneyhouse. i think its ripe for a lot of pining. (and yes, he is pining over the guy hes actively banging. hes being a big mopey idiot over the fact that he doesnt get to have his fuckbuddy around 24/7.) absence makes the heart grow fonder or whatever and gordons already at a baseline of "wheres benrey. wheres benrey"......and now i am about to turn it up to 11

so lets say......gordons starting to feel weirdly under the weather. sweaty and irritable and tired. hes holing himself up in his room a lot, wrapping himself up in blankets to fight off a chill and a sniffliness that wont go away. and hes gettin awfully moody, too. real fuckin testy. starting shit with freemind for no reason and snapping at og gordon like hes a teenager. and......hes nesting, almost, or at least, gathering up a whole bunch of blankets and pillows and anything that smells vaguely like benrey. (hes not really aware hes doing this last thing.)

basically, long story short, feetman is fucked up. hes pathetic. hes being a huge bitch. at least og gordon feels vaguely sorry for him, and expresses this by way of observing him and trying to treat it. for science. its better than freemind, who just loudly complains about him being a huge bitch and reeking up the place. theres something weird coming from vr gordons corner of the house.....a musky, heady, hormonal kind of thing that makes freemind act simultaneously territorial and irritable and more lascivious than normal. and that also piques og gordons attention, because having both of them be wound up little freaks at the same time is enough to make even the most resilient person pull their hair out

now gordon primes got his suspicions as to whats going on, but hes not gonna tell vr gordon that he suspects hes going into heat. that would compromise the experiment, and all that. so poor gordons just going thru all this shit not knowing what in the fuck is wrong with him and getting more worked up and irritable about it by the day. hes convinced that hes just got the flu, or something......except, uh, haha, jesus christ he is horny all the FUCKING TIME

he doesnt get it! he feels like shit all the time, so why is he constantly fighting off boners and having weird wet dreams and thinking about-- well. his fucking boyfriend, he guesses. (are they boyfriends?? he doesnt know. he gets a weird, sharp pang when he thinks about them not being boyfriends, at this point, but its not like theyve ever talked about it!) gordons half-convinced that hes just losing his mind from being stuck inside all the time and he really just wants to see benrey again. its, like, all he thinks about. (see? hes losing it. theres the proof.)

the sucks thing for everybody else is that gordon is also Extremely Vocal about how shitty he feels and how much he wishes he didnt feel shitty so he could go see benrey and how much he cant stand benrey for not being able to read his mind and come over when he feels bad. eventually freemind gets so sick of his shit that he decides to cut out the middleman and get benrey involved directly. "come take care of your fucking dog before i call the aspca! animal neglect is a crime, asshole!"

(if pressed, freemind would adamantly reject the idea that hes being nice to gordon. but on some level, hes kinda sympathetic. the guys clearly miserable, and he just keeps asking for the same fucking thing. might as well humor him to shut him up.)

vr gordon is completely unaware of these machinations, however. hes just holed up in his room trying to work out what makes him feel better because, uhh, powerade isnt helping

jacking off doesnt do a whole lot for him anymore. like, it feels good, but its not very satisfying. gordon just ends up feeling more restless than anything afterward. and hes always stupid horny. more blankets. a box fan. less blankets. sleeping with one of benreys shirts pressed up to his face. grinding into his pillow when he wakes up hard from yet another weird dream. theyre all a little helpful, and he feels like hes working towards the right thing, somehow, but its never really enough to take the edge off

and then.....he tries......jerking off more. especially when he realizes that its bizarrely soothing to do so while he can smell benrey up close and personal on that stupid shirt of his. better still when he rolls onto his side.....and then his stomach.......rocking his hips into the mattress until he gets the idea to lift his hips a little. and......oh. cool. something kind of......clicks. in his head. as he raises his hips higher while he keeps his arms wrapped around a pillow and benreys shirt jammed against his nose. hes got that lil moment of realization that this is good, actually. this feels like a good move. and its making some of that discomfort melt away

and gordon thinks about.....how it felt. earlier. when they were with barmey. and benrey had him just like this, ass up, face down, and was spreading him apart and licking him open and making him submit and he groans so fucking hard that embarassment just rips through him like lightning. but his tail starting to wag a little faster.....electricity shooting through his belly......and he cant help but wonder. what if benrey had kept going? pulled back and-- maybe, replaced his tongue with his fingers, one at a time, curling them inside him and telling him how well hes behaving and-- and his dick throbs, hard, and gordon realizes he wants fingers inside of himself right fucking now, thank you, hes not fully certain how to accomplish it be he is going to fucking try

(sigh) so my guy figures out about the old fingers in the ass trick. and i need you to understand that i am fully convinced that this is one of those guys who has an uproarious reaction to getting fingers in his ass. mr repressed and uptight over here doesnt really get what the big deal is until he gets braver and pushes a little deeper and hes rock hard in an instant, goodbye, just like everybodys favorite creative writing exercise

and this is what he decides to do for a solid day or two without leaving his room, because, honestly, this is awesome. and the longer he spends jerking off the less time he spends stressing about the fact that his imaginations getting really vivid, here. sure, like, hes no stranger to weird dreams even before this, but this is the first time hes really letting his mind run wild and this dude is nonstop thinking about being bred and gordon still has no fucking idea that hes in heat. doesnt even occur to him

unfortunately this also does not solve his problems but at least it feels baller and it keeps him occupied. also, unfortunately, the increased rate of jerking off is causing a serious uptick in Dog Smells, the effect of which is turning freemind into a nightmare. its just not good vibes in this house. enter: benrey

now i need you to understand that when these two meet up again i want gordon to get Emotional. think about how genuinely excited he gets to see some of his pals in canon. the like......excitement and disbelief when benrey shows up outside his window throwing rocks at it before noclipping in. he forgets to even act pissed off at first. i think it would be super fucking cute for him to drop the game for a moment just out of shock, basically. his tails waggin, his ears are perked up, and hed probably tackle benrey to the ground if he wasnt also a sweaty, trembling mess whos been holed up in his room for days.

and benrey has No Fucking Idea what he has walked in on here. as far as benrey knows, freemind just demanded he get over there and take care of his dog.

(INTERLUDE: here is the part where i gin up a freemind POV of this exact scene. b/c i am out of my fucking mind

so. i had the thought of a freemind POV chapter where hes spying on gordon and benrey.....because. gordons in heat. ive talked about that scenario before too (literally so many FUCKING times okay i just need this dude to have the uncontrollable urge to be bred like a little bitch! and for benrey to take pity on him and make him feel better by nutting in him literally as many times as is physically possible!!!)

but i wanna manifest it in this specific way: from an outside perspective. voyeurism is great and also i have a one track mind and basically the only time i traffic in Other Guys in this fandom anymore is as a participant in gordon and benreys horse shit. Im not apologizing for this

lets say.....vr gordons behavior has been getting worse and worse for "unknown reasons" and freeman prime just sees it as a key observational opportunity for his research. while freeminds getting really irritated at how much its cutting into his normal way of life. for one thing, vr gordons room reeks, and he cant even escape it in his own room! and its turning him into a feisty, aggressive, and loud son of a bitch. but he cant even resolve it in his usual fashion at this point (baiting vr gordon into another competition/fuckfest) b/c gordons being a little sadsack holed up in his room and doesnt wanna play

but also.....he kinda just feels bad for the guy at a certain point. hes clearly really miserable and looks downright ill and all hes asking for is to see his boytoy again. (gordons convinced that hes dying, and feels the need to dramatically speak to benrey one last time before he croaks.) so freemind decides, in all his benevolence, to go over gordon primes head and drag the guy over there anyway. (with machinations, not his literal bare hands. what is he, a caveman?) he reasons that itll be a good opportunity to twist gordons arm into groveling at his feet later

and he spies on the two of them in gordons room.....why? idk. possibly something to do with investigating this relationship between a gordon and a barney that he had yet to fully analyze. tl;dr he gets trapped in their closet for a remix of that one barmey voyeurism chapter b/c why the fuck not

i just.....i dont know.....i think theres something really charming about a 3rd party not being able to fully make out what theyre saying or doing but piecing things together anyway.....like benreys weirdly soft tone of voice when hes talking to a super agitated gordon. as far as any of them know, hes not really like that. he either sounds bored or smug, but either way, its usually straight-up antagonistic

it would make freemind bristle to hear it b/c its almost a mocking tone, but.....it makes gordons shoulders drop and gets him to let go of some of that tension and thats probably fascinating to watch. literally soothing him like a stressed out dog, huh. smoothing back his hair and murmuring things in a low, even tone that freeminds enhanced hearing still isnt good enough to make out. (the guy mumbles, okay? he needs a fucking toastmasters meetup.)

it would equal parts horrify and fascinate freemind, in my onion. watching a version of himself fall that hard into the loyal pet role.....its pathetic! for all that gordon goes on about not being a slave to his instinct or whatever, he sure is doing a bad job of acting like it! its like watching himself, but worse.

and benreys having to soothe him like a startled animal b/c he doesnt even know whats wrong with himself, but theres something thick enough on the air that even benrey can smell it, and hes taking some stabs at the dark. especially with how charged some of the shit gordons saying is......"i cant fucking take it anymore", "you smell so good", "i dont know whats wrong with me, man, my dick hasnt gone down for days and im pretty sure i need a doctor-- no, a real one, not the other gor-- NOT a vet, JESUS"

and the whole time.....freeminds peeking from behind a closet door. watching them devolve from outright hostility into "gordon climbing into benreys lap and shoving one of benreys hands up his shirt and demanding that he fucking touch him already"

normally i dont think freemind would be averse to a little bit of voyeurism, here. if it was anybody else, hed probably at least engage in a little heavy petting. but this is getting weird, man. he cant shake the uncanny feeling that this is something too intimate for him to be watching. for one thing, gordons whimpering like a goddamn dog just from a little necking, and for two, hes never really been the kind of guy to watch people make out for 15 minutes before they get to the good stuff

its just kind of unsettling how much these two clearly really, really like each other at this point. its not like watching gordon prime give vr gordon a handjob as part of a "test". freemind expected more of a hatefuck kind of deal out of these two, what with how often gordons normally going on about how much he hates the guy, what a pain in the ass benrey is, how he just wishes benrey would stop jerking him around.....etc. freemind could shit himself right now. that lying bitch!

i imagine its also kind of painful, on a personal level, for him to watch this borderline-sappy shit. he cant even fathom being on the receiving end of that behavior, let alone from......well. theyve all got their barneys, right? and gordon primes basically doomed himself to incel status b/c he wont nut up and do anything about it. freemind just assumed they were all in the same boat: cursed to casual sex with their roommates/clones, forever, and unable to achieve any kind of intimacy b/c all 3 gordons are fucked up in the exact same way. since theyre all just diff flavors of the same fucking guy, right?

well, theres the evidence that hes wrong. and that vr gordons better than him, somehow. thats gotta suck, bro

anyway then he watches vr gordon get railed in the ass a bunch and jerks off anyway b/c its still hot. see ya)

“take care of your dog”. huh. hes got no clue what that means but, yknow, he does kinda miss his dog. hasnt seen gordon in awhile. and he immediately comments "wow. you look fucked up" in as blunt and unsympathetic a way as possible. but gordons so far gone that he cant even work up a good anger about it. he is pretty fucked up, man. and benrey sits on the bed and slaps his forehead with a palm to take his temperature (and that gets gordon to bitch at him, finally, that thats not how you do it, asshole) and judges that, uh, he is hot. in his expert opinion

and thats when gordon kinda grabs his sleeve and tugs it and starts tryin to say something. hes really bad at it, because he is having to perform the mortifying task of Owning Up To It, but eventually he manages to grind out that he needs benrey to touch him, please. just pet him. something. he feels really bad and he just needs benrey to scratch his fucking ears. this is the most gordon can cop to in one go, and it is such a sad struggle to watch, but benreys caught off guard by it and he feels weirdly bad for gordon upon hearing it so  hes just like "whoa, okay" when gordon tugs his hand to his head

gordon groans the moment his fingernails start scratching behind the ears and digging into his scalp. even just that much feels really fucking good. its comforting, for one thing, and its benrey, for another, and the physical touch feels so fucking good right now that goosebumps are crawling down his neck. gordon cant help but lean against benrey and bury his head in the crook of his shoulder. he wants to hide his face from scrutiny and he wants to get closer but he doesnt know how to say what his fucking problem is

and benreys weirdly quiet. just kinda mumbling and shushing him intermittently, awkward and not sure what to do b/c this is a level of intimacy he was not expecting but gordons sure is responding nicely to a second hand in his hair

so having both of benreys hands scratching at his scalp is really getting to gordon. hes scritchin behind the ears and gordons tails wagging at a mile a minute. the feelings making goosebumps race down his neck and arms. he starts kind of mumbling something into benreys shoulder, how hes been feeling so fucked up lately, and he squirms a little closer. hes not really aiming for anywhere in particular but every neuron thats firing in him right now is telling him to get closer. make contact. he missed the fucking guy, what can he say.

and one of benreys hands......slips down to gordons face. his jaw. a thumb pushing into that soft little divot between his jaw and neck, like hes trying to push up into gordons fucking teeth. its weird and bizarrely intrusive, but benreys hand is broad and warm and gordon leans into it anyway, groaning with relief. its not like its not doing anything for him. kind of the opposite, actually. then he palms at gordons neck, and gordon starts breathing harder. he can feel his heartbeat rabbit-fast, pushing against benreys skin (and theres no way benrey isnt feeling that, too).

benrey eyes are lidded and his breaths starting to get heavier, too. naturally, yknow, since gordons practically draped over him right now, melting all the more the longer benrey keeps petting him. oxytocin is crazy, man, especially when a guys in the full throes of some kind of chemical meltdown of the glands. gordons eyes are screwed shut, tail thumping furiously against the bed, and hes panting at benreys neck like hes a fucking dog.  he just doesnt know how to articulate what the fuck his problem is

benrey smells insanely good to him right now, and gordon just blurts that out. benrey gives him some shit for it, but when gordon only makes a weird noise in response and fists his hands in benreys hoodie, it makes him shut up real quick. hes squeezing out words about feeling like he needs something, but its clearly a fucking effort. its almost pitiful

so. gordons crawled right into benreys lap, too impatient after days and days of feeling like this (you know, being in heat, in so many words). hes been pounding off like crazy, that brand new collar of his strapped to his neck nearly every time b/c hes that desperate to feel… well. *benrey*. he cant fucking jerk off to thoughts of anything else - porn doesnt do it for him, and his fantasies slip right back to the same thing every single time. its frustrating! hes bisexual, for gods sake! its not like hes normally immune to the wiles of the Phat Ass White Girl, but lately he just keeps ending up on his hands and knees and whining benreys name into his pillow and he couldnt focus on a girls rack if he tried

point being. hes being awfully fucking demanding. (and also, hes wearing the collar *right fucking now)*. he shoves benreys hand up his shirt and shivers the moment he makes contact with gordons burning-hot flesh. and hes demanding that benrey touch him already, jesus, hes losing his mind! and benreys just crooning at him, “bossy, huh,” but hes scritching gordons ears and palming at his side and nosing at gordons neck and gordon starts to feel like hes melting into it. his protests at being talked down to are perfunctory at best

benrey licks a stripe up gordons neck and starts muttering his stupid horseshit right in gordons ear and it makes gordon clutch his shoulders so tight, claws digging into the meat of him. benreys kind of into it, though, and it just makes him laugh, low and harsh and right in gordons ear. that just makes gordons problem worse. he lets out quiet, nasal whines on every exhale, like a literal fucking dog.

he starts teasing, like, “haha, you’re *gagging* for it, bro,” but gordon doesnt respond with the defensiveness he expects. instead, its like opening a floodgate - he is, hes fucking *desperate*, okay, his dick hasnt gone down in days and he wants benrey so bad he cant see straight and he cant stop thinking about him and all of this comes tumbling out of him at once. gordons trying to press himself as close to benrey as he can physically get, legs straddling benreys lap and arms clutched tight around his back. and when benrey prods a little more, tells gordon to say what hes been thinkin about, gordon starts to pant, squeezing his eyes shut. but he cant bring himself to do anything more than choke and stutter on the words

hes half-hard in his underwear already (and, lets be be clear, he was only in boxer briefs and a tank top to begin with. hes sweating buckets and its the least amount of clothing he could get away with wearing around the house) and his tails thumping a mile a minute and hes so far gone, just from benrey talking down to him and kissing his neck and scratching his ears. but hes not budging yet, so benrey slides that hand on his ears over to his ponytail and *yanks*. tells him, “speak.” gordons dick twitches rapidly, and he lets out a sharp sound, and he finally says it: he needs benrey to *fuck* him, jesus

benrey lets out a harsh breath at that. “yeah? thats what puppy wants?” and the nickname should blister him, make him feel to embarrassed to continue, but gordons too desperate to care. he just starts spewing a litany of “god yes”s and “please”s. hes getting harder and harder, pressed up against benreys belly, and benrey can *feel* it. “good boy,” he mutters, and those claws dig harder, that panting gets louder and harsher

he slips a hand around to gordons back, rubbing slowly for a moment as if to soothe him, and then slides it under the back of gordons boxers. and lower still. starts rubbing at gordons hole. that gets a quiet “oh god” out of gordon.

gordon cant help himself - he rocks forward against benrey, just a little, rubbing his bulge against what he realizes is benreys *extremely* hard dick in his sweatpants. hes not the only one whos got it bad. but he *is* the only one whispering, “fuck, fuck, fuck,” as benrey pushes a little further, makes as if hes about to breach gordon dry. the poor guys so needy that he probably wouldnt even argue!

but benrey just stares at him, wide eyed and flushed, mouth hanging open a little. gordons so hot for this that it surprises the both of them.

anyway after some boring position finagling benrey coaxes gordon onto his hands and knees, running a broad hand down gordons shaking back. and he pulls back gordons tail, exposing him. its so fucking humiliating - gordons got his face buried in a pillow, and his ass in the air, and hes never felt so *vulnerable* before. he wants to argue, he wants to lift his head and look back to make sure that everythings, like, okay back there - benreys staring at his entire asshole, okay, and he wasnt exactly anticipating benrey making a house call to fuck him in the ass - but every time he lifts his head, or starts to say something neurotic about it, benrey chides him about it. clicks his tongue. tells him, “hey. dogs dont talk” or “i said *bow*, bro”.

for all his insisting that hes a real guy, that hes not just a dog, gordons feeling less and less like a human and more like something in thrall to his instincts. the condescension rankles like it always does, but doing what benrey tells him to feels good. feels natural. presenting himself like this feels like what hes *supposed* to do. it doesnt stop him from running his mouth entirely, but it helps to mitigate some of the embarrassment.

and then… benrey *licks*. gordon tenses and gasps. he doesnt know how benrey can stand it, its gotta be, like, unhygienic! but that didnt scare him off the last time they tried this, and its not like gordon hasnt thought about it since. hes thought about it a lot, actually. but hes been too neurotic to ask for it. benreys not stupid, though. hes a good dog owner (at least, so he thinks) and hes gonna take care of his dog. so he licks again, and again, pressing a little harder against gordons hole on each pass with the broad side of his tongue until he dares to breach it with the tip.

gordons rock hard again in an instant. his dick hangs between his legs and drips onto the sheets. he digs his fingers into the pillow now, tearing holes in its surface with those sharp nails of his, and he makes embarrassingly high noises that he muffles into into the pillow, too. hes tense, hes so fucking tense, he should be clamping down and making benreys task really fucking hard, but theres bright pink sweet voice dripping from his hole and benreys rubbing the side of his thigh in an effort to soothe him and both of these things work in tandem to get him to relax. and benrey works his tongue in further, further than a human ought to.

the tip was one thing, but it gets wider as benrey pushes it in, and its just as good as it was before - better, even, because now its just the two of them, just a master and his dog, and benreys the only one he wants to see him like this. bent over and whimpering. he cant— he cant stomach the thought of anybody else doing this to him. hell, there was a point once where the idea of stomaching *benrey* doing this to him would have made him laugh. but here he is. benreys fucking him open with his tongue and pressing against something thats making him see stars and gordon just wants *more*. he says it so sweet, too, voice growing hoarse and raw as he begs benrey to just fucking do it already, he doesnt wanna come like this!

gordon gets so worked up and emotional about it that benrey takes the time to scratch behind his ears again, shushing him and telling him to chill. benreys got him. hes been a good dog, and good dogs get treats. hearing the words “good dog” makes gordons entire body flush. thats all he wants, really. he wants to be a good dog. he wants to be *told*. he blurts out, “oh my god— say it again,” and benreys like, “huh? say what? youre gonna have to be more specific,” clicking the last syllable. it makes all the hairs on gordons head rise and prickle with shame. the best he can do is mumble it into his pillow.

benrey hears it, though, and tugs at gordons collar from behind, just enough to raise his head. “whassat? you want me to call you a good boy?” gordon cant bring himself to answer that directly, but his stupid body betrays him by making him whine. jesus christ, yes, thats all he WANTS! he needs benrey to be good and nice to him for once in his fucking life and give him what he wants instead of taking, taking, taking! but benrey just tells him that hes gonna have to earn it. gonna have to be *real* good for him. gordon could fucking snarl at that, but benreys pulling back to rub his dick between gordons cheeks and against his hole and that shuts him up pretty fast because hes *so close* to getting what he wants and hes not about to fuck it up now by running his big dumb mouth

and then… he starts to push in. that sweet voice has loosened gordon up enough to take even benrey, who, uh, is definitely the bigger of the two, in that regard. he goes slow, uncharacteristically so, and gordons chest heaves with the force of how hard hes breathing. a quiet string of “oh god”s spills out of him as he tries to crane his neck back to watch. the head breaches him with a strange popping sensation, and benrey groans, loud, as the rest of him slides in with little resistance in comparison. “good,” he pants in turn, “youre takin it so good,” and—

and gordon comes, in weak, aborted spurts. it snuck up on him. he clenches so fucking tightly that it winds benrey a little. he breathes out, “whoa. did you—” but gordon just begs him to shut up, keep going, hes not— hes not done yet, its always like this, its not *enough*. his dick barely even flags afterward, it just hangs there, achingly hard and dripping with cum. benrey cant even find it in himself to make fun of him. he wants it so fucking bad, doesnt he? and he feels so good, so fucking tight and slick around benrey that the only thought running through his head is “gotta take care of my dog gotta fuck my best friend gotta nut in him and make him howl”. so he pushes himself alllll the way in until theyre pressed together, skin to skin.

then he starts to move. slow, careful thrusts, more for benreys benefit than gordons. if hes not careful, hes gonna blow his load, right then and there, and hes trying to make it good for gordon, too, okay? unlike *some* of them, hes not gonna bust in two minutes and then spend the next half hour crying and trauma-dumping to the guy hes still got his dick inside of.

once he thinks hes got a grip, though, benrey starts fucking him in earnest, and that changes gordons vocalizations from weak little whimpers into something louder. less restrained. hes given up any pretense of being quiet so that his other selves dont hear that hes snuck his boytoy into his room. just loud, wordless moans on each thrust, initially muffled into the pillow but soon spilling into the wider room when he turns his head to catch his breath. the only words hes managing are “oh god” and “please” and “benrey, benrey, *benrey*”, and benrey just responds to him like, “yeah? thats good? fuuuck, bro, so good for me,” all short of breath and barely able to speak himself

he wants to see gordons face. he *needs* to see gordons face. needs to see what hes doing to him, needs to see that cute fuckin blush of his. so he tugs on gordons collar again, bringing him to his hands and knees properly instead of that bowing position. and then further still - pulls him back so that benreys on his knees, and gordons on his knees in turn, on his lap, cock still buried inside of him and fucking him in short, hurried thrusts. “paws up,” benrey tells him, and gordon does it. instantly. no resistance. just folds them at his chest like a real dog would.

“whos a good boy?” benrey croons, right in his ear again. gordon gasps, “i-i am!”

“yeah? youre a good boy?” nod, wail. “whose— whose good boy are you?”

and gordon chokes on his response. he cant say it, he *cant*, he doesnt want to be benreys but he does, he *does*. he doesnt want to be benreys because its not fucking fair! he cares so fucking much! so much more than benrey does, it feels like, obsessing over the guy like hes wrapped thorny vines all around gordons heart and he cant so much as shift in his seat without feeling the tug and the ache and thinking of benrey again. and benrey doesnt care, he never fucking cares, except—

except he showed up at gordons house, in his room. without even being asked. like he knew something was wrong. and he— hes always talking to gordon, shooting him stupid texts just to make him laugh. scheduling *date nights* for them. date nights where, yeah, maybe they couldnt see each other in person, and maybe they always end in some kind of depraved sexual act, but its not like gordons not into it. hes frighteningly into it, actually. and hes *so* into hearing benreys voice, low and crooning, right in his ear, and seeing him lean on an elbow and smile at him afterward. its— its practically genuine. and benreys always making excuses to talk with him, do things with him, watch stupid fucking movies that only gordon cares about and stream with him on twitch to help boost his subscriber count and—

and—

oh god. maybe he *does* care. that might be more terrifying than the alternative.

then benrey yanks the collar again. presses the whole of gordons back against his front in one hot, unbroken line. and asks, “i said, whose good boy are you, bro? *speak.*”

“benrey,” he blurts out, a ragged moan, “d-dont make me sa-AY it, oh god—”

“no?” benrey stills suddenly. his hands keep gordon stuck in place, unable to move or bounce or feel benrey shift inside of him. “thats, uh… thats too bad, friend. this trains for good boys only. good dogs go to heaven 2. no bad dogs allowed. gonna have to, uhh, escort you off—”

“im not a bad dog!”

“i dunno, gordo. bein’ kind of, uh… disobedient.”

(sorry. thats all i got . byeeee)

[guardian-o-the-books]

Some RotG Episode Ideas bc that Potential Animated Series Project Post by @lumin0usfox Inspired Me

(( i haven't read book 5 of goc yet so mega apologies if some of this is off (im writing this with knowledgeup to War of Dreams) and assuming that most people outside of the fandom haven't read the books. im kinda writing it for that mindset))

- Opening episode is Jack and Jamie working on trying to get Jack believers. hyjinks ensue.

- like following the logic that William Joyce has already set that Burgess doesn't really have a specific time. like yeah it's like 2012 but it's also in the past so the Internet isn't really that big of a thing. So they can't just make a blog post or YouTube video and have it go viral. so they focus on more in-person not-offline ways of getting believers

-or idk maybe the technology does exist and a youtube video goes viral and Jack gets a lot of believers that way. the rest of the guardians are just... "is that allowed???".

- I know this is super self-indulgent but can we please have Jamie and North try to teach Jack, Bunny, and Tooth memes please. if nothing else than as a running joke

-an episode of all of the guardians checking up on pitch to make sure he's not trying anything. and since Jack's lost most of his memories this could be where he (and the audience) learns Pitch's past

- at least one episode that's not too much of jack really interacting with the guardians or the kids from Burgess specifically and we kind of get more of a glimpse into what his life was like before becoming a guardian or having believers

-holiday special must include a party at North's. I think this might actually be canon actually. plus sandy goes nuts for the eggnog so that's gonna be fun. Sandy absolutely destroys Bunny at charades.

-an episode where Jack is kinda awkward and still figuring out his role and dynamic with the guardians. like North invites his to spend time at the pole after he learns Jack doesn't have much of a home outside of The Oak of Sorrows and they really confront that whole "u guess abandoned me for 300 years and now we friend and give me a second I need to adjust. maybe they learn about how lonely jack felt or that they didn't know how bad it was."

-episode to introduce Katherine and how she's really come into her role as Mother Goose. maybe she's spent sometime moving on from nightlight. she still misses him obviously, but she's recognize that jack isn't him anyway and i can't imagine her trying to force anything or interfere with his life if she thinks he's happy. if the episode doesn't start with "Once upon a time, ..." then i give up.

- I really can't imagine romance being like a main focus point here but the grounds are kind of already laid for Jack and tooth to get together from the movie. And also because lesbians are powerful and make everything better, Katherine and mother nature could have bonded over their conflicts with pitch and IDK they would be an absolute power couple. Also Sandy is a literal alien, so I don't think he really cares much about human gender roles or standards. Non-binary icon.

- maybe because Jack hasn't been able to talk to the Man in the Moon for so long the Guardians 2 Straight Up take him to the Moon to get closure. This whole event can be like a 2 episode special or something. Maybe this is where Jack learns the night light lore if that would be something that anyone would wanna touch. (i love GoC and I've been a part of the fandom since at least 2016 but damn i still can't think of a non-completely convoluted way of connecting Jack to Nightlight. Maybe something happens after book 5 that causes NightLight to forget about the Guardians when he's in his human form the Guardians don't know who he became when he became human so they lost track of one another. (It could explain why the Guardians don't recognize Jack is Nightlight even though they look exactly alike and act the same and have the same powers.))

- these are all really plot-heavy so what are some light-headed episode ideas?? uhh... let's see...

-Similar to how Bunny has egg hunts and tooth has puting teeth under the pillow, Jack and Jamie try to figure what some tradition for him could be and try to popularize them.

- Jack finds out north used to be a criminal and the Bandit King. it's absolute chaos.

- Jamie has to get a bit more creative with coming up with excuses for why he keeps getting caught talking to the air.

-So what if this takes place a few years after RotG. We can see has Burgess has grown a bit and Jack has to see Jamie grow up a bit and start to enter high school. he still believes in jack of course but it could be bitter sweet plus Jamie at age 14 would be physically the same age as Jack. ~~ Parallels ~~ the inherent existentialism of being immortal, u know, fun stuff (if done right).

-Jack tracking down his sister's family in the modern day to know they're okay and so he can see the consequences of his sacrifice.

-Sophie is Bunny's helper for the day.

-really just a season where jack figures out his place with the guardians and more about who he is. those themes of found family and building trust with those around you. oooh that's the good stuff.

-I know this is ambitious but maybe like the first season could be Jack kind of building that relationship with the Guardians and his new Believers with hints of who he was in the past and then like the second season is the deeper dive into who he was unlike it just gets really deep and oh my God I can't stop thinking about those now.

[web-haters-llc]

So, I’ve been thinking about why Agnes was interested in Jack Barnabas, and why he was able to infect her with doubt, and I think it had to do with two things:

First thing: even though his life could be considered “over” if you’re a dick (early 30s, service job, no prospects, no romantic partner, no close friends that we knew of), Jack hadn’t given up on life. He still had the hope, however small, that things could get better, and he was still willing to open his heart to romance. The fact that he had "nothing" going for him, but still got out of bed every day, and didn't let his circumstances break him, caused her to wonder if the same sort of thing might happen between people in a world ruled by the Desolation, or if the ritual would even work.

Because the thing is, no one actually knows shit about what the fears want or how any of this dream logic works. Many people have said in some way or another that they're all just kind of running around lashing out and doing what feels right, and the Cult of the Lightless Flame is no different. I think Jack really hammered this point home for her.

Second thing: Agnes probably cared more for him than the people who talked about her thought. I know Eugene(?) said that he didn’t think she actually loved him, and maybe she didn’t. But I think that him caring about her and wanting to get to know her for her, and not because of her destiny, really impacted her. It’s been made very obvious that no one in the Cult of the Lightless Flame truly saw Agnes as her own person, and that spark of genuine human connection made her realize that there was an entire life she could have lived, but never got the chance to, because she was never given the choice (as I write this I realize this could be part of why she was susceptible to the Web ritual even though the Desolation generally “beats” it).

Maybe the single tear she shed in 067 was for something else, but I like to think it’s because she understood that she was going to have to leave a chance at something real behind, all because of the destiny she’s grown to resent. The Desolation ruined her life too, before she’d ever even gotten a chance to experience it.

And like, you could argue that Jack still had something to be taken away, right? Cuz like. Horrible disfigurement, lost his job, pretty bad stuff. But those weren’t really even things he was worried about losing. Like, he wasn’t happy at his job, he didn’t value working there. And he didn’t give us any indication that he was in any way vain. He had no fear of losing the job or his looks. And besides, if she wanted to ruin the rest of his life, she could have done so without all the dates.

So uhh, TL;DR: Jack was an important person to Agnes, fuck the Desolation and the power of hope and love conquers all babey!!

[the-writings-of-kaos]

A telepaths Requiem ch 1

Written by Kaos-makes-death.

———

Hey everyone! Here is the beginnings of a new series. Funnily enough the inspiration for this was from an odd dream I had, it is much different from the other more popular of my posts; that said I hope you enjoy!

Fair warning to all readers, this story involves death, abandonment, and certain levels of realism. Please be advised.

———

——

—

The sound of a infants wailing filled the hospital room, as doctors and nurses rushed in. Urgently helping the mother and child through the deliver, as the mother began to shake violently.

“She’s having a stroke!!! Code yellow! Code yellow!”

Doctors filled the room, administering medicine and all manner of medicinal fluids to the mother; as the infant was rushed out of the room.

— — —

“What’s going to happen to that child…? She was a single mother… on-top of that the child seems so… scary. It’s weird but just looking at it frightens me.”

The nurses gossiped among themselves.

“Who knows, I hope that cursed child can be taken care of by someone who can-“

Just then a squad of soldiers surrounding a man dressed in black walked past, opening the door to the baby incubation room striding over and lifting the child out of their incubator and rushing it out of the hospital.

“Well… should we tell someone…?”

“I don’t think… we should… the head nurse probably already knows.”

The soldiers slammed the doors behind them, as the baby’s woke and began to cry.

———

——

—

“That’s the last of them Monger, everyone found and accounted for. Should we eliminate them? The threat they impose might just be-“

“No.”

“But… general, was that not what the order was? Shouldn’t we eliminate the threat?”

“I said no soldier, the commander and I have a better idea; the brass even gave us the go ahead. These little girls and boys you see here, they are going to be raised here with the upmost care this facility can provide. T

Who knows, they might grow up to be the perfect weapons.”

The soldier salutes his superior, before marching back to his post. As the general watched the children in their beds.

“Ugh, dammit. Making infants into soldiers, makes me sick.”

“You know the truth general, so do I. If we’re lucky, they won’t have to see a single day of combat.”

The commander walked over to the window, standing beside the general.

“I know smith, but it just ain’t right… couldn’t we have put them in homes? Even a sponsored facility would have been a better call…”

“I feel the same way Warren. But for now, all we can do is be the best figures these children have. After all, everyone of them has the potential for unrivalled ability; that sort of thing simply can’t just be left in civilian light.”

“Fine… I didn’t sign up for the secret forces to father a classroom of kids.”

“Neither did I, but hey, seems you’ll get those father day gifts a little more often then before.”

The general snorts, holding back a laugh; patting the commander on the back as they both left for the mess hall.

— — —

12 years later

— — —

“Cmon guys! Let’s go practice our powers! Hey Megu! You coming?”

“Sorry guys… I need to go see the general today. He said he wanted to talk with me.”

“Pfft what? What did you do to get on generals bad side?”

“I don’t know, all I did was take a spoon from the cutlery bin for my desert. He saw that and told me he wanted to talk to me after lunch.”

“Did… maybe you stole it without knowing?”

“I don’t think I did… it was just a spoon in the cutlery bin. Everyone is allowed to take cutlery from there.”

“Aww, boo. Oh well, see you later Megu! Cmon guys! Let’s go have fun in the training grounds!”

The other kids ran off, as Megu glumly put away his dirty plates and dishes, washing them in the sink before setting them to the side to dry.

‘What else could I have done… let’s see… what did I do today. I played in the green-space with Max and Olive, I went sledding outside with Jack and Flint; and I had lunch… did I break something? Maybe I killed one of flowers general got from Lily when I was playing in the green-space…’

He kept think and thinking, walking idly as he made his way to the generals office. He waved to the soldiers on patrol, getting one of the candies the soldiers always handed out when they went through the living spaces.

He stopped in-front of the generals office. Looking around, before he stepped inside.

“Uhh, mister Warren? I’m here, just like you asked me to be.”

“Ah, Megu, right on time as always. I wanted to ask you about that new power of yours.”

“New power? What do you mean?”

“When you made that spoon out of thin air.”

“I did what? I thought I brought it over to me from the cutlery bin.”

“Nope, you got a new power. So that makes… hmm. You have telepathy, telekinesis, terra-kinesis , pyro-kinesis , and now you have conjuring. That makes 5 powers now, are you sure your alright my friend? I don’t want you to get sick or over load yourself.”

“I don’t know how I’m getting these powers mister Warren… they just happen.”

“I suppose we’ll have to wait and see, maybe you absorb elements or energy somehow and gain these powers as a result.”

The general pondered quietly, jotting down some things on a piece of paper.

“Any other weird things you did before?”

“I went sledding with Jack and Flint.”

“Oh? And did you make the snow? Or the ice?”

“No, Jack made the snow and ice, and Flint ran to get the sleds.”

“What was weird about that?”

“I flew instead of slid.”

“Ah, your telekinesis was acting up.”

“Oh, then that’s all I can think of.”

Megu paused, going silent in his chair.

‘Aww crap, I made the little guy sad’

The general went over crouching down beside Megu.

“What’s wrong buddy? Did I make you sad?”

“Mister Warren, do you think I’m scary.”

‘Uh oh…’

“Why would I think you’re scary?”

“B-because I have all these powers, and mine are a lot stronger than the other kids…”

“I’m not scared of you at all Megu. Your powers are just unique, everyone’s are. We just don’t know what your exact power is yet, we’ll figure it out some day.”

“Okay… then, can I ask you something else?”

“What is it buddy? Do you want me to get you a new toy? Maybe I can add something to the lunch menu.”

“Do you think… I could learn about things? Things outside of the facility, and maybe I could go to the outside world one day, just for a little while with the guards perhaps.”

“You’d have to ask the commander about that, then he’d send a note to the more important people. But I’m sure someday you’ll be allowed outside the facility.”

Megu nodded, standing up and hugging General Warren. Before he left the room, still sad and sulking.

As the door shut behind him, the general stood up, looking at the door.

‘It wouldn’t hurt if the little ones could get an education. Heck it would make the prospect of them being soldiers a more easily made reality, but… some of them might not take to it very well.’

The general sat back down, setting about making the appropriate preparations.

— — —

Excitement was on the air, as the children talked amongst themselves. For the first time in ages, a new person would be coming to the facility. Everyone waited near the front gate, watching for a car to come down the road. When they finally saw one come in over the hill they were ecstatic, cramming by the gate to see who would come out.

Megu sat by the front door, watching everyone; he wasn’t quite sure what they were so excited about. The guards changed every month or so.

‘Maybe they won’t be a new guard.’

Shrugging, the little Megu sat against the wall and began to play with his new conjuring ability. Making a stuffed squirrel for himself to play with, letting it dance along the ground before it began doing so on its own volition; acting almost like a real squirrel. He continued to play, waiting for whoever was in the car to come out.

The door to the car opened, and out stepped a woman with a school bag.

———

——

—

I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of this new series! Work is coming to a close and I hope to come back to writing!

As always credits to my fellow authors, prompters, and commenters.

And as always have a very nice day!

[e-luxion]

Can you please explain Johnny’s chart now that we know his rising? I never saw him as a Virgo rising but people say it makes sense and I’m like??? I’m not too into astrology to know

Yeah I agree with you, virgo was the last thing on my mind, even tho I think I first typed him as Leo Rising after thinking I was like 100% earth (more Taurus than anything) + 5th house placements so I wasn't wrong, but not right either 😂 I am actually excited to do this

𝙒𝙝𝙮 𝙞𝙩 𝙈𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙨 𝙎𝙚𝙣𝙨𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙅𝙤𝙝𝙣𝙣𝙮 𝙞𝙨 𝙖 𝙑𝙞𝙧𝙜𝙤 𝙍𝙞𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜:

It is not the Virgo Rising itself, it's actually where his planets fall that makes perfect sense imo:

Sun and Mercury in the 5th house 

I say Johnny has 5th house energy a little too much but I never actually explain why

Sun in the 5th house people are m a g n e t i c. Whether they want to or not, they unconsciously end up being the centre of attention. More times than not people with this placement feel like they were born to do ‘more’ and to shine

5th house suns are warm, generous, creative and for the most part, can be very confident in who they are depending how well or bad aspected this placement is

Even if they are less confident deep inside, they try to be confident and to be that light for others

MERCURY IN THE 5TH -- holy shit, I share this placement and yes, some people find us a bit annoying but we don’t talk about that 

People with this placement tend to be very talkative, they don’t seem to run out of topics to talk about, you could put them in a room with anyone and they’ll find a common ground. 

Natives of this placement tend to also talk almost with hidden meanings, there is always a tone of innuendo, there is always a joke in there somehow

This placement is very much “primary school teacher energy”

Not great at concentration cos there is just so many things they want to do, they always want to do something new and fun. Mercury shows us how we communicate but also how we think, and in this house it becomes... a lot.

Moon in the 10th house

This placement is very interesting, imo the moon is the most important thing in our chart. It shows you not only what makes you feel comfortable and how you feel, but your relationship with your mother, how you were raised, it’s a one of the most decisive pillars of “you”

It’s cause and consequence, it shows you how you were raised and how that affected present day you

This is stereotypical but his career and status is truly very important to him, he needs it to feel safe and fulfilled. It makes sense how no matter how hard it got, how much they pushed his debut to later, he persevered and is such a hard worker.

A m b i t i o u s 

People with this placement are actually very sensitive and have a natural need to care for others, they are easily affected by the outside world which makes them want to almost protect others

It’s honestly such a dad placement

Things associated with this placement are definitely a parent sort of vibe, they are responsible and caring, they worry about others around them

Fun Fact, people with this specific placement tend to attract admiration from others, they inspire security and trust. Other musicians with this placement are John Lennon and Kurt Cobain, both people who inspired millions of people and to this day are remembered

Venus in the 4th house

This is another thing that just painfully makes sense 

You know how this man is always like blah kids, marriage, sentimental shit?? THIS is why! This right here, is a big reason why Johnny is the way he is half of the time I swear. The homey romantic vibes? Heavy 4th house venus shit

4th house Venus people are so nurturing, sensitive and calm? Venus most commonly tells you how you are in love, what kind of partners you want but it shows more than that, it tells you how you look after things, your possessions, your aesthetic... 

Johnny’s love for soft toys, oversized fluffy clothes, all of that is due to his 4th house Venus. He is also probably very sentimental with things from his childhood, or things that remind him of home 

When they fall in love, it is serious because their mentality is for the long term, they are very family oriented hence why they can be wary of who they date

People with this placement have the nicest houses and rooms cos they just know how to make a house a home, it’s always so cozy and dating them would probably feel like like an early morning, wrapped in multiple blanket with the fire place on, hot cocoa and the rain outside

On the downside, people with the placement can be TOO sentimental, to the point where is hard for them to let go of things 

Mars in the 12th

Actually this was the only one which was surprising to me, but tbh this is not a side we would often see of Johnny since we don’t know him like that. And 12th house “hides” whatever it falls on, it internalises it to an extent that the native might not actually be aware of this energy

His Mars in Leo makes him quick to anger, but mars in the 12th house makes him hide that anger, bottle it up until it comes out in a scary way because it was left undealt with for too long

Other things in his chart tell us that he has no problem going after things, like going after his career or pursuing hobbies and success. But this right here shows me that in some ways, he is scared to fully express himself due to an unconscious fear to be vulnerable

Sometimes they focus to helping people too much to hide this vulnerability and their own issues

Coming to terms with his own sensitivity and release toxic mentality is something he probably struggled with at some point 

On a positive note, people with this placement tend to be very welcoming and open-minded towards other, they show the kindness to others that they don't necessarily show themselves

a lot of bitches with 12th house placements in nct damn

Jupiter in the 3rd 

At its most basic, this literally tells you that his talent (Jupiter) is in communication (3rd). Very agile minds, who love learning and acquiring information about different topics, people, things, everything

People with this placement lead the conversation, very positive and enthusiastic in the way they talk with others. Sometimes can be a bit preachy but for the most part they’re open minded, curious, and say what’s on their mind, super expressive when sharing their ideas

@/astroismypassion mentioned that Jupiter in the 3rd native might have moved hometown more than once in their life which I find very interesting as this man moved across the globe to make his dreams come true

Philosophy, arts, cultures, stuff like that is very interesting to them and travelling is a form of mind expansion for them

Jupiter shows us where we have privilege and here it’s education, and a larger than life mentality that them well received by others; they are gifted at communication which means that people usually take them seriously as they can be very eloquent 

Saturn in the 6th

Another placement I share with Johnny which I think would be a flex if it wasn’t for the fact that Saturn in the 6th is actually a very difficult position to have. Saturn is not necessarily happy in this house

It shows an obsession with work, keeping a routine, organising but also struggling in all those areas. For example, you obsessively plan your life because you really struggle naturally to follow plans, timetables and stay organise

People with this placement have a tendency to overwork themselves until they’re ill, so health problems might be occur often due to this. You fear failure so it feels like you can never stop working hard, just in case you fall behind. Anxiety, self criticism is very common here

Honestly he has a couple of placements that just scream chronic workaholic 

Pisces Descendant:

I don't know if this is weird but I thought he had to have Pisces in a “favourable” house, because he seems to attract or get along with people who have Pisces placements specifically so this is not surprising at all.

I’m ngl this man probably daydreams about his s/o, if he is single he’ll just make up little scenarios in his head or has a very clear idea of the kind of interactions or person he wants

Very idealistic, gentle and compassionate in love but also wants partners that match this energy. Heart on his sleeve kind of vibe

He probably attracts slightly chaotic partners, the dreamy artists types 

This man clearly doesn’t want just any love story, he wants the sort of fairy tale romance he can tell his grandkids 

7th house is also like enemies and shit, but I’m not going to talk about 

Gemini Midheaven 

When you meet someone, there is 3 main things you see about them and that is Ascendant, Mercury and Midheaven. Especially when it comes to celebrities, we see their midheaven more than anything 

Gemini MC people always have something going on, they have like 5 careers at the same time, very multi-faceted people. They’re not quite happy at doing one thing but they’re also very adaptable 

In the work environment, he could adapt to others and very much go with the flow of things, jack of all trades. Whatever happens, he can do it and does it well

For now I am going to go on more explaining why everyone is like uhh it makes sense and later I'll actually make a post with more information, in my drafts I have this one post by xx saved from like a year ago of their personality analysis of Johnny, in which they asked if any astrology people could you know back this up. I had written a whole response to it but now that we know I will make a more detailed response and analysis of his birth chart 👁️👁️

𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊, 𝕷𝖚𝖑𝖚 𝖝𝖔𝖝

[criesinmultifandommess]

DSMP Model AU

something different from what I usually post :)

I don't really know much about modelling and fashion, so apologies if some of this is wrong or I'm missing something

lotsa words under the cut, you've been warned <3

Dream wants to create a fashion show :D

there's Dream's company known as Smile, the L'Manberg company, and a few freelancers that caught Dream's eye

Smile: Dream, Sapnap, Punz, Bad, Ant, Sam, Skeppy, Callahan, Purpled

L'Manberg: Wilbur, Niki, Eret, Fundy, Jack, Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo

Freelance: George, Hannah, Schlatt, Quackity, Foolish, Puffy, Ponk, Techno, Phil

spans about 4-6 months in planning

something something scandal about Dream hiring Eret, Niki, Karl, Ant, and Puffy for LGBTQ+ brownie points uhh yeah American media is an absolute shitshow anyways all of them defend and support Dream (some nicely, some not-so-nicely, some very passive-aggressively)

the show itself takes less than an hour to do; 75 thousand people attend, even more watch it live

after party gets wild. almost no one remembers what happened that night, but it was wild (the interns were sent home early, dw)

they all trade numbers at the end to keep in contact, as they should

just a lot of forced friendship, screams, and chaos, nothing new

Models

George: an up-and-coming model; has an Instagram account that almost that a lot of people follow but he rarely posts; freelance

Sapnap: Dream's first model and followed him into the fashion world; likes to credit himself for getting Dream to where he is now

Wilbur: is a model for fun; works as a freelance musician but also accidentally created the L'Manberg company so yeah

Niki: also a model for fun; works at a flower shop in her downtime; part of the L'Manberg company

Eret: has been modelling for a while; was freelance for a while before getting picked up by the L'Manberg company; Wil likes to threaten to kick them out because they were the first one to agree to model in Dream's show but it's all lighthearted

Fundy: modelling is alright but playing pranks on the other models/photographers and recording them is much better; doesn't play pranks on any hair/makeup artists anymore tho bc one artist got so fed up they switched his outfit with a maid one and posted pictures; he still gets a lil nervous when he's getting his makeup done; accidentally called Wilbur his dad once and no one lets him live it down; part of the L'Manberg company

Hannah: likes to wear eco-friendly clothing; went through a phase of weaving roses into her hair regardless of what she was wearing; she still does that but dialed it down to only one rose and color coordinates the rose with her outfit; freelance

Designers

Dream: head designer, obviously; Sapnap dared him to wear a paper plate with a smiley face on it at a show/interview but it backfired because Dream's popularity skyrocketed and he made it his brand; parents passed down their company to him

Punz: does not care about dressing himself but will judge others; part of Dream's company

Schlatt: close to the L'Manberg company, but isn't a part of them; flirts with just about anyone; has several hidden stashes of alcohol scattered around the set that no one has discovered yet

Quackity: yes, he still wears the beanie; in a constant rotation of make chaotic clothing, flirt with pretty people, be depressed over pretty people, get angry for being depressed. rinse, wash, repeat forever; very afraid of Techno because he took an unflattering photo of him and is scared of it being used as blackmail; freelance

Foolish: likes to use gold and green/emeralds. a lot. very inspired by Egyptian clothing; has a little totem charm for luck; freelance

Hair and Makeup artists

Puffy: tends to dote on the interns; hangs around Niki, Sam, and Foolish; has styled hair for both companies before

Karl: works under Mr. Beast but close friends with Quackity and Sapnap who begged Dream put in a good word for him

Photographers

Ponk: when not working, likes to flirt with Sam; always has a lemon in his pocket and won't tell anyone why; freelance

Techno: technically freelance, but works closely with the L'Manberg company; very close to Phil; used to be a designer and clashed with Dream a lot, but he found he liked photography more; this doesn't mean Dream and Techno don't bicker when they see each other, oh no, their conversation is filled with insults

Agents/Managers

Bad: used to work under Dream's parents before Dream took over; more like an assistant for Dream himself rather than a manager, what with all the things Dream asks him to do

Ant: agent for Dream's company

Phil: technically a freelance agent/manager, but works closely with the L'Manberg company; very close to Techno

Technicians

Sam: unofficial head technician; part of Dream's company

Skeppy: manages the camera footage: part of Dream's company

Callahan: doesn't say anything, which is why Dream likes him (jk); fixes problems quickly and silently tho; part of Dream's company

Jack: can normally be seen wearing headphones; somehow is the dad friend and chaotic friend at the same time; part of the L'Manberg company

Interns

Tommy: joined the L'Manberg company because he looks up to the members and their associates (but he won't tell them that)

Tubbo: joined the L'Manberg company to follow Tommy; jokingly starts a new company called Snowchester with Ranboo and a pig plush they named Michael

Ranboo: technically working under the L'Manberg company, but then again, Dream has also offered for Ranboo to work for him... but does he abandon them or give up on an opportunity hmm

Purpled: is he working for money? is he held against his will? who knows: seems to appear and disappear without a trace; intern for Dream's company

Excerpts

George Davidson, more widely known as GeorgeNotFound, is a handsome British model that's been taking the world by storm. A magazine once described him as "you're either in love with him or want to be him", and, quite frankly, it's true.

Clay Craft, also known as Dream. The charming CEO of his parents' company, Smile, and starting up his very own fashion show. Rumor has it that the show will not only feature his own employees, but will also include some showstopping names from L'Manberg, as well as some very talented freelancers.

Wilbur Soot, the leading model and creator of L'Manberg. Though his company may have been started on a whim, no one can say that L'Manberg is unsuccessful, as it quickly rose in popularity, much like the man himself.

Smile is one of the best fashion brands out there, if not the best. With their wide range of products and people, Smile makes sure that every customer leaves with a smile.

"L'manberg?" Dream chuckles. "What a stupid name. L'manchildberg is a much better fit." "At least our brand isn't just a smiley face one of my friends drew on a paper plate." Wil snarks back.

You know, when Schlatt first asked Wilbur to model for him all those years ago, neither knew that their popularity would pick up, Wil would open his own company, and they would catch the eye of Dream himself.

George didn't know what to expect when his agent told him that Dream was interested in having him in his show, but watching one of the most famous designers fall to the floor, dying of laughter over a deez nuts joke was nowhere near what he could've imagined.

Celeb News @/CelebNews L'Manberg technician Jack Manifold leaks that his company will be participating in Dream's fashion show! The question on everybody's mind is: who will be in it? Mack Janifold @/JackManifold NO NO NO I DIDNT LEAK SHIT @/JackManifold https://www.youtube.com/thislinkaintreallmao YOU IDIOT Jack Manifold @/JackManifold OKAY MAYBE I LEAKED SOMETHING Wilbur Soot @/WilburSoot GODDAMNIT JACK

Celeb News @/CelebNews Dream goes in depth about his vision for his show and drops a few names you might recognize! https://www.youtube.com/ihavenoideahowtwitterworks Dream @/designerDream Replying to @/ :)

Celeb News @/CelebNews Has one of the most famous designers cut his fame short? According to an anonymous source, Dream may have hired some of the people on his show for "representation" instead of talent. Technoblade @/Technoblade bruhhh Sapnap @/Sapnap and you know this how? Are you Dream? Didn't think so

Dream @/designerDream None of the people in my show have been chosen for "representation". All of them are very talented and amazing in their own right, and they are more than just their sexuality or their job. Karl Jacobs @/KarlJacobs Replying to @/ am i just a person who does makeup to you D: Antfrost @/Frosty_Ant if i say im straight will i be kicked out of the show Red Velvet @/Velvet_Cake @/Frosty_Ant we were never dating, we're just really close best friends :) Eret @/The_Eret can't believe I got into the famous Dream's fashion show because I like all genders! Puffy @/CapnPuffy lmao same! Niki @/nikinihachu lmao same!

[phoebehalliwell]

If Prue had lived, what do you think her kids would have been like, and how do you think they would have affected the various power level structures of the next gen?

okay so i think there are a couple options based on who’s the father of the child that would yield different results so in a very me fashion imma make this a very long post and break down all of them. this is 2.5k. it’s going under a cut.

andy so i think had andy not died he and prue would have definitely gotten married first i would say somewhere around the season 2 finale maybe the penultimate episode to end on a sweet high note while still setting up season 3 or something i think he and prue would have their first child ehh probably announced in the s3 finale. i think she’d be a girl i think she’d be a telekinetic like her mama and i think her name would definitely be patricia (and i wanna say in her teenage years she’d go by trix) i think her powers would definitely grow to advanced telekinesis by the time she’s of a fighting age. if i were writing her i would give her a gradual power development of like telekinetically lifting herself up in fights (like what we sometimes saw prue do) to levitation to flight if i wanna get really jiggy w it). i would think prue would definitely want multiple kids (ideally three daughters) and i think andy would definitely Also want sorta that white picket fence family. i think that piper and leo would still be pregnant at the end of season four, with prue’s second pregnancy occuring around beginning to mid season five. i also think about halfway through prue’s second pregnancy she and andy would choose to move out into their own home bc well let’s face it the manor’s a lil crowded (paige is also here in the au don’t ask me how). so wyatt matthews halliwell would be born in february prue and andy would probably move out in april their second child would be born hmm let’s say september. a girl named hmm it has to be a p name i’m firm on that but i don’t really wanna go penelope bc then i feel like it’s too locked in to a naming after ancestors thing but like also it would still be a very prue name & prue is already named after her ancestors so what the hell i’ll name her penelope. let’s talk powers. baby wyatt will keep his whitelighter based powers such as an orb shield, orbing, and healing, but he won’t be a telekinetic. he still has the power of projection. the twice blessed isn’t a thing. penelope i think would be the molecular witch, with powers of molecular deceleration & acceleration (but not freezing or combustion) as well as the ability to adjust her own molecular structure and “phase” (a la kitty pryde from xmen). next in the halliwell line would be chris who would still be born in october of 03 with powers of orbing, telekinesis, and telekinetic orbing, followed then by andy and prue’s third daughter born in utopia in s7 lemme go check the family tree for names there aren’t actually that many p names on there so now i guess lemme make one up one that sounds appropriately vintage like okay so i personally hc p bowen (prue’s past life) to be named pearl, p baxter as pauline, and p russel as phyllis out of all of those i think i’d chose pearl okay so i googled 19th century baby names p names i found were parthena permilia philippa pamela patience and priscilla. okay so i’m actually deciding now that the name philippa comes from andy’s side of the family and that’s the name of the third daughter who will follow suit with the charmed one’s schtick and have premonitions, which includes both precognition and retrocognition, as well as clairvoyance and limited telepathy (she’s basically a human lie detector, but if she actually wants to hear someone’s thoughts, she was to have physical contact and be in a quasi-meditative state). piper be pregnant with melinda at the end of s8, melinda’s powers would be empathy along with the whitelighter powers of healing orbing and photokinesis. next would be the twins tam and kat who would still split molecular combustion and immobilization as well as the whitelighter powers basically i wouldn’t change their powers from what they already have henry jr is also here, still a mortal. pj would not be named pj as Prue Isn’t Dead but i think phoebe would still really wanna stick with the p names. since prue’s already burned through the family tree i think she’d pick a more modern name (and i’m sticking with the gender neutral theme all of phoebe’s kids have) so like percy pax pemberley i’m also really tempted by pisces. hmm. pemberly. who i’d give astral projection and then also um well possession. like yeah y’know projecting her astral form into somebody else and being able to like read them while in their bodies all that. parker stays with premonition and uhh i just recently came up with a power progression for parker that i would love to employ but like i think i really wanna keep it a secret for now but i might end up talking about it later peyton would still be a telekinetic and all three cupitches can still beam and sense love. okay!

jack jack gets an obligatory section bc he was one of the few love interests to last more than one episode but uhh that baby would definitely be a whoopsie! or should i say,,, babies that’s right it’s twins. and i don’t think prue and jack would together romantically but i think they’d still be like y’know friends i think jack would be there to support prue & his kids but i do think prue would be the primary caregiver i think jack would maybe get them like on weekends or like every third week of the month. and i’m Really tempted to give them last name first names and have the kids be names warren and sheridan and Yes they’d be both boys. i sorta wanna melinda warren both of em and just like. give em all three powers what the hell. given that it’s so many powers stacked in one witch i don’t think their powers would ever greatly develop i don’t think there’d be any advanced telekinesis or molecular combustion or like astral premonitions but i do think they have all three powers. and they are identical. so they’re both born in 2000, flash foward to 2002 wyatt is born wyatt matthew halliwell with orbing, orb sheild, healing, telekinetic orbing, and telekinesis. cut forward to 2004 piper has her second child who is in this reality a girl, with orbing, molecular combustion/immobilization, & invisibility. her name would be melinda christina halliwell. i think we can fast forward the timeline a bit i think the piper and leo would have their third child at the end of s8 another boy named john after grams’s maiden name, orbing, premonition, levitation. i feel like cosmically we’ve already filled our twin quotient so no tam & kat in this universe so paige and henry only have one kid a daughter i always pick from shakespeare baby names for not!tam&kat bc like. they’ve got shakespeare names. in the past i’ve used isabel and beatrice this time i’m gonna go for jourdain who has the power of projection, as well as the whitelighter power of omnilingualism. henry & paige still end up accidentally adopting a mortal in this au, but here she’s a girl, so instead of making the henry jr joke henry calls her paige jr the name sticks she goes by pj. cupitches once again we’re going pemberley parker and peyton and once again i’m sticking with the same power set from the andy timeline.

bane okay so give me a sign they have sex prue is pregnanté bane is in jail. charges of racketeering, tax evasion, money laundering and embezzlement, but like okay he’s a career criminal, meaning their notoriously hard to catch. and i think he’s have a good lawyer. max sentence for racketeering is 20 years, tax evasion 5, money laundering 20, embezzlement 3. i’m not a law student i don’t know shit about like,, douple jeopardy all that but like. imma say sentenced to ten years in jail let out in 7 on good behavior + they’re all nonviolent crimes so. is that how it works? okay but basically baby #1 prolly a sagittarius born in 2000. i’m saying girl. i think again like with the jack situation this really isn’t prue’s white picket fence family this is strange and rebellious and unprecedented meaning it’s not guaranteed to be a “p” name but nothing’s like. immediately coming to mind. i feel like it has to be a name that captures prue’s rebellious spirit and the sorta intense passion she keeps below the surface so i wanna go for something outta left field. i also feel like prue cares a lot about the meaning / origin of her baby name so i’m gonna pick from a list of witches of myth. hecate’s obvi out as she’s a demon in charmed verse so i’m thinking circe or freyja. i feel like circe’s more associate with turning men into pigs than anything else so i’m gonna settle with freyja who’s technically a goddess and not a witch but like. minutia. i’m giving her the same power set as patricia / trix which is advance telekinesis + eventual flight. yada yada yada baby wyatt chris & melinda are born, powers as in canon (including empathy for melinda which is in fact Not Canon but like canon in my heart). tamora and kat are born, powers as in canon, bane is out of jail, pemberley is born, astral projection + possession, henry jr is there, prue and bane have another kid in ‘08, a girl (i’m sticking with the badass women of myth theme) named atalanta, nicknamed tal rhymes with the cal in calorie. yes i know i’m very white. powers of molecular immobilization & cryokinesis. next born in 09 cupitch parker still with cupid powers and premonition, then prue and bane’s third daughter born in 2010 (i’m telling you bane def has that like white picket fence adoring family dream. he frickin loves kids & like dutifully drives them to ballet practice every day after school type thing. loves the idea of being able to yell “honey! i’m home!” total sap) her name’s probs gonna be like. morrigan. her powers are a riff on the premonition aspect of thee power of three, she can pick up on “psychic reverb” and sense if a great act of magic has happened somewhere as well as sense great good, great evil, and immense power. also with the her psychic power she can mark crossroads and tell if a decision is about to be altering, though she can’t sense which outcome is the “best”. finally baby peyton still a telekinetic cupitch born in 2011.

justin congrats, bud. the only other prue love interest to make it past a single episode. too bad we really don’t know shit about this guy. simp? we can assume? yeah so in this timeline they come together basically when piper & leo are getting married so in this timeline we are still getting wyatt first with all his canonically op self. then we’re getting chris, same as in canon i guess i feel like he should have more powers give him combustive orbing what the fuck why not. okay so like maybe ‘03-’04 prue and justin move out / move in together, married by late ’04 (just before utopia in s7). they have their first daughter in 2005 still s7 once again named patricia and she’s a telekinetic like prue. we’ll push melinda up to ’06 still an empath + other whitelighter powers & tlk orb. 2007 will have both tam & kat with their canon powers, followed by penelope with cryokinesis, closed out with pemberley with astral projection. jump to 09 parker born with premonition in spring and i said philippa was an andy’s family name so patience in the fall. and she can uhh same thing as morrigan she’s psychic. 2011 the final baby is born it’s peyton telekinetic + cupitch powers as always. henry jr is also here placed where he normally is (slightly younger than pj/pemberley)

bonus round!dency addition okay so idk if i’ve said this before but i’ve actually sorted out dency’s relatives in her world one sec i gotta pull up the google doc okay dency born first only child the source’s heir next up is melinda penelope “penn” halliwell the only child of leo & piper aka the twice blessed followed by paige’s sons taran & kai, twins, the ultimate power. but now prue’s in the mix! i’m pairing her with andy bc that was her most significant relationship. as previously stated i think prue and andy’s first child would be born in early season four as patricia, same powers as stated earlier with advanced telekinesis & flight. dency technically would no longer be named dency in this au as once again, prue is not dead. she would be named victoria after her grandfather. same powers that she already holds (pyrokinesis, cryokinesis, flaming, limited telepathy (only the lie detector part) & super strength). her power rivals that of patricia’s despite not being the first born in the generation bc she was infused with the source. she would be born early s5. then keeping with the timeline piper & leo’s firstborn comes mid s5, another girl named melinda. melinda’s powers are orbing, molecular immobilization, and advanced healing. at this point prue is Pregnant Again and calls dibs on the name penelope so that does not become melinda’s middle name. in the dency au coop shows up earlier, which in turn accelerates paige and henry ending up together because i said so. piper is pregnant at the beginning of s6. prue and andy have their second daughter penelope, paige and henry get together, piper and leo have their second daughter christina. s6 ends. penelope gets molecular deceleration & acceleration. christina has orbing, telekinesis, & an orb shield. s7. whoops paige is pregnant. hey it’s twins! tamora & kat. tamora is the physical while kat is the spiritual. tamora can orb, telekinetically orb, and has normal telekinesis. kat has premonitions, clairvoyance, and omnilingualism. s8. prue gets pregnant again at some point. season finale. philippa is born. she can astral project, and will later develop suggestion. piper is pregnant again. it’s still 2006.  now it’s 2007. piper’s baby is born. it’s a boy??? meet baby john. an empath. omnilingual. can orb. henry jr also shows up. at this point it’s been like 5 years since phoebe’s traumatic incident with cole / the source and she decides she wants to have kids again. she and coop have their first daughter in 2008, a girl they name leona. cupid powers of beaming & sensing love, and levitation that will eventually develop into flight. limited precognition. 2010. they have another child, this time a boy, warren. beaming, sensing love, telekinesis, telekinetic beaming. 2011 they final baby of the generation is born, phoebe and coop’s daughter let’s call her charlotte. she doesn’t have molecular immobilization, that magic mix with a cupid’s control over time. she has temporal stasis (& beaming & sensing love)