#personally speaking i'd rather we talk about something else

[iindigoeyed]

opening tumblr to see people debating Why The Season Finale Sucked or Why The Season Finale Is Actually a Secret Masterpiece or Secret Third Thing for the five thousandth time this month

[supercantaloupe]

just occurred to me this morning as i woke up this morning why i'm (probably) so taken aback by people in orchestra being So Nice to me cause i saw some photos on social media posted by ppl i traveled to [redacted] with, people who only stood to even have a conversation with me as a last resort kind of social option. i have literally Never gotten along with groups of people, Ever, unless that group of people was also orchestra people. seriously

[a-hazbin-soul]

Hi! I was wondering if you could do some angst with the hazbin hotel characters? Like we get into an argument and they yell and notice we went silent, looking as if we were gonna break down into tears, IM SORRY I JUST LIVE FOR ANGST AHHH

Hazbin Hotel characters making their S/O cry

Alastor

He was preparing for tomorrow night's broadcast when he heard the door open.

He had been working on his radio broadcast and hotel things for the whole day. He was under so much stress and took it out on you.

"Darling, you know I've been in here all day. Is it that difficult to knock?! You know these things are important! Why must you interrupt me?!"

He didn't get an answer. You just slammed the door and ran out.

He felt terrible as soon as he saw sadness in your eyes.

He ran after you and hugged you, rubbing circles on your back and telling you how sorry he was.

Lucifer

He was very pissed at how much Alastor and Charlie got along.

He was working on his rubber ducks, not hearing you walk in.

He didn't know you were in the room until you hugged him from behind.

"What? What is it now?!" He shouted, dropping his rubber duck to the floor.

"Could you leave me alone for five minutes when you know I'm busy?!"

"Wow, fuck you!" You said before slamming the door and using your powers to get to the hotel.

Alastor opened the door to see you crying and brought you to the couch, giving you a hug.

You barely got the chance to finish telling Alastor what happened before Lucifer ran to you, crying and apologizing.

You were able to talk things out and agreed to be more open about feelings.

Sir Pentious

Pentious was working on a new invention. But, since he was trying to get redeemed, it couldn't be for evil.

He was trying to build things to help with the hotel. Right now, he was making something to lift Niffty up around the hotel.

You were trying to help while also keeping the egg bois under control, not realizing you were distracting him.

"Will you please stop already! You're supposed to be watching them, but you're just as annoying!!"

You had tears in your eyes as soon as you turned around.

"Fine!" You yelled before running off.

"That wasn't very nice, boss. You should apologize."

When Pentious saw you, you were sitting on the couch by the TV with Charlie hugging you.

"Y/N, may I speak with you? I would like to apologize."

You silently nodded, standing up next to him.

"I'm sorry, my dearest, can you ever forgive me?"

"As long as you promise to tell me what's wrong and how to properly help in the future."

He pulled you into a hug and wrapped his tail around you.

Husker

The bar was open way later than usual because Charlie decided to have an open house for the hotel.

Free drinks were pretty much a necessity when you're trying to lure in sinners.

Husk seemed fine/ his usual brand of grumpy.... Until he saw you talking and laughing with some guy and pulled you into an empty hallway.

"What the fuck was that? Did you really think I would be too busy to see you flirting like a whore?"

Even with tears in your eyes, you could tell he's been drinking vodka straight.

You pushed him away from you.

"That's my cousin, you asshole! He was asking me about the hotel."

You ran away, going right to the room you shared with Husk and trying to go to sleep.

Husk spent the rest of the party drinking water and eating a few snacks to fight the future hangover.

When you woke up, Husk had his wings and arms wrapped around you. He didn't even bother trying to sleep.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I was such an idiot and I hurt the best person who's ever been in my life. I freaked out about seeing you with someone else..... because I know I don't deserve you, and I don't want to lose you."

He was crying into your shoulder, and you pulled him into a hug.

"You couldn't lose me if you wanted to. Just remember, I love you more than anything, and I'd rather die again than lose you.

(A/N : This sucks ass and I'm sorry this took me so long. I hope you like it, though. )

Requests open

[genderqueerdykes]

i was asked recently to describe what my experience is as a trans man with visible facial hair who dresses very femme and wears makeup whenever i go out. i thought this was a good question, since i don't think i've ever discussed my experience with this. i know public restrooms are a huge source of stress for a lot of trans people, they're stressful for me at times as well, which is why i try to avoid them when possible.

i will say that i am lucky enough to not have a bad experience using public restrooms. it might be because im rather physically intimidating, having a lot of muscle tissue and not being particularly short, it's hard to say. generally, i use the men's room, even if i'm in a dress or skirt. i don't make eye contact or particularly even look in the direction of other people using the restroom, which i find makes it easier.

looking nervous and making eye contact can, for whatever reason, threaten cisgender people and i'm not sure why. public restrooms are stressful for everyone, not just trans folk. i will use the women's bathroom if the men's bathroom is full, or disgusting, but that happens very rarely. i have also had no issues with using the women's restrooms. even when i lived in Missouri which is a red state, I didn't seem to have issues because I walked in and out with confidence and ignored whoever else was in or around the restroom with me

long hair generally isn't an issue from what I've observed because a lot of men nowadays are wearing their hair long. generally speaking, the voice is one of the most gendered part of us and I have no idea why, but it helps to keep any comments or conversation to an absolute minimum- having no conversations or interactions is ideal. if someone says "excuse me" or something to that effect, nod or shrug or respond with body language instead of verbal language.

i would say utilizing the masks we use for covid is one of your best shots at making the experience a lot less stressful. covering up any potential facial hair, a strong jaw, etc. can help a lot with people minding their own business. this is not to say that if you just mind your business and try to avoid other people that they won't react. but i find the process goes smoother whenever you have something that can obscure part of your face (I'd say even putting your hood up if you have one could help in a pinch).

if someone does decide to cause problems: leave the restroom as quickly as possible. pull out your phone and make it look like you are calling for help (or actually call for help). people who start trying to cause problems generally do not want witnesses. do not confront them or attempt to correct them about your gender. this will only make them angrier. do not let them corner you. slip out from beside them if you have to. do not push or touch them unless they have grabbed, pushed or hit you first.

tell staff of the location you are at that someone is being belligerent in the restrooms- if you don't want to mention it's due to transphobia, you don't have to. but if you feel the location is accepting enough, please do, because that can get you help right away. if you live in an area that's not as progressive, just refer to how violent the person is being and skip the gender talk.

i feel like this isn't super informative, but i hope it helps some folks out there. i know how stressful this can be and it can't be avoided all the time. the best we can do is try to do our best to avoid confrontation altogether, and when it happens, get witnesses and support as quickly as you can. i hate that we have to tell each other these things just to use the bathroom in public. it's asinine. but i hope this helps at least one person

[hauntdoesthings]

let's talk about: Husk

Husk is a character that I see a lot of love for, but not a lot of discussion about, at least not the same way we talk about Angel Dust or Alastor, so I'd like to start the conversation since I've noticed certain details about him during a rewatch.

How He Socializes

Husk puts it best himself; "Everybody likes to bitch to the bartender." He knows more about everyone than anyone else, whether they tell him or not. Not only is he the one people turn to vent to at their lowest, he has incredible skill at reading others. It's most likely something he picked up as a gambler, but we can see he still utilizes it to read the other residents, like knowing Angel shouldn't be getting drunk after his long shift and realizing when he's masking right afterwards.

On the other hand, reading people like this doesn't seem to fit with his character in earlier episodes. In the first episodes, Husk makes it very clear he doesn't want to at the hotel and by extension doesn't want to be around the residents. His first line is literally about how he's forced to be there and pretty much all of his screen time is spent being anywhere from unfriendly to outright aggressive towards the rest of the cast. He surely doesn't care enough to read people to get closer to them, so why does he? I believe it's either a subconscious behavior or possibly as a defensive measure. Like in a poker game, he reads his "opponents" to stay ahead of them while keeping his own cards close to his chest.

It's already clear Husk values his boundaries when watching his earlier interactions with Angel, but this combined with other behaviors makes me think he's a very defensive person in general. His body language is constantly closed off, often crossing his arms or physically being separated from others behind the bar. This could just be indicative of his surly personality, but there is a specific behavior makes me think more of it. During my rewatch for this post, I realized Husk has a tendency to hug himself during certain moments of discomfort, like the entire first trust exercise in episode 3(more on that later), and during his first argument with Angel in episode 4, he actually shields himself with his wings when AD insults him before leaving.

Speaking of, episode 4 is really a great example of how Husk view others, especially since this is when his mindset finally shifts.

It's easy to see how dismissive Husk is of AD during this episode, with his constant reiterations of how "fake" he is and even saying that he'll be fine after running out despite knowing that he's had a hard night. Looking a little closer at his mannerisms though, it's clear that he cares more than he wants to let on. He insults the scripts and setting of AD's video rather than his acting and even says that that's specifically what Angel tends to complain about. Even when Valentino sudden calls up AD, Husk's face is more upset than "I told ya so." He realizes that Angel is unhappy with his work, but at the same time, he doesn't think too deeply about it.

Husk assumes that because everyone tends to spills their guts to him while drinking, he knows all he needs to about them, and he's correct to a certain degree; however, despite everything he knows, he doesn't appear to think too deeply beyond what he can easily glean. Charlie wants to help others so she doesn't have to help herself, Vaggie projects her self-hatred and high standards onto those around her, and Angel bullshits his way through everything because he's an actor who doesn't know how to be real. Husk realizes these things easily, but not why the others are this way, and it especially shows during his confrontation with AD, as when Angel finally snaps and reveals his true motives, Husk is visually taken aback.

He's so used to knowing and analyzing people easily that this sudden, truly heartfelt moment from Angel makes him rethink how he's been going about their interactions, how he's been thinking of him this whole time. And this is the moment that makes him decide to open up about his own past. Whether it was seeing that common thread between himself and Angel or possibly a realization that he won't accept help from someone who doesn't offer any input of their own, this is the first time we really see him offer any of his private, personal life, and afterwards, there's an obvious shift in how he treats Angel and everyone else.

"Loser Baby" is the first time we see Husk willingly initiate physical contact onscreen when he's always be visibly tense and uncomfortable at even most mentions of it, though most of that was AD being suggestive so it could be an issue with sexual intimacy than physical. He's comfortable enough in episode 6 to go clubbing with the group and genuinely looks like he's enjoying himself, especially compared to when he went to keep an eye on Angel in episode 4, even helping look out for Niffty when needed and supporting Angel after standing up to Valentino. In the lead-up to the Extermination, there's not a single insinuation that he would've left the hotel, choice or not, and he is with the rest of the cast during all the important moments of the battle, from Sir Pentious' death to the ending number. Even when Alastor is presumed dead, even if he assumed Alastor wasn't really gone, Husk could've easily run off during his absence, but he sticks around to help rebuild, undeniably of his volition, wanting to help his friends and possible family.

That note also brings me to something I've really been wanting to talk about:

Husk and Alastor

Unless we see a shift or get new knowledge about Nifty, Alastor and Husk have a really unique relationship both in theory and as evidenced. Husk is a former Overlord, presumably from before Alastor's rise if he was willing to bet his soul in a game with him. This opens up a lot of questions for me, mainly about what their bet entailed, what led Husk to making it in the first place, and if there's a certain respect between them. Yes, Alastor refers to Husk as his "pet," but Husk also comes to him with his suspicions about Mimsy and it can almost be read as worry. Alastor even responds that "it's nothing [he] can't handle." There has to be a certain level of trust for someone to bring up "hey, that friend you've known for decades only ever comes to you when they need something" and have their concerns taken seriously, even if Alastor's care for others is negligible at best. This whole scene seems to be showing that despite their deal, their past as equals has not been totally forgotten by either of them, leading to a certain understanding of each other that neither, particularly Alastor, have had with anyone else up until now.

The biggest reason I bring their relationship up though is Alastor's deal. With all we've seen, I believe Husk is the one character besides Alastor himself and whoever the other party is that knows about the deal and its possible connection to Alastor's disappearance.

For one, Husk is the one that confirms Alastor is "on a leash" in the first place, and he shows no surprise that Husk knows. Alastor is definitely not the kind of person to let anyone know about something like that no matter how close they are, so this makes me think either Husk had to know or that he was possibly there during the deal.

It also stands out to me the specific phrasing that Husk and Alastor use during the scene.

"You've been gone a long time, and it's not like anybody knows why." "They don't need to know!"

This kind of phrasing makes it feel like Husk is specifically being excluded from that group by both himself and Alastor. If it's true that Alastor's deal is the reason he disappeared, then Husk knowing about both the deal and why Alastor's been gone lines up perfectly. Maybe Husk will be the one to reveal more about this to the audience or even the rest of the cast later on, but it's clear that he does know more than anyone not directly involved and at this moment is the most likely to talk about it, assuming Alastor doesn't immediately tear him a new one for it.

Little Details

Last section, I promise. This is just some little details I noticed while rewatching for this that didn't really fit in anywhere else and questions/speculation about them.

Remember how I mentioned Husk hugging himself earlier? The first time I noticed this was during episode 3 when, after seeing the stage, he declares "I'm not about to put on some show for these fucking chumps." Not sure how much of everyone's backstory is still canon, but it was stated that Husk was a magician during his life, so maybe this is hinting that he has some stage-related baggage?

Also during episode 3, we see Husk sneak down the stairs before Vaggie can toss him off the roof in the warzone, and since he didn't come back up with Angel and Pentious, he presumably left before they made it out. However, at the end of the episode, he's laughing with everyone over the events of it. He comments that SP can "take a beating like a champ" and "you did ok, new kid," so was he just pretending like he was there or did he just hang out on the sidelines and watch? Husk wtf?

Husk specifically says that AD's video is "not a very convincing interrogation scene." Does Husk have experience?

When the bartender pours drinks for the gangster getting Angel a refill, Husk immediately watches the drinks themselves, before the guy even reaches for that little bottle. He's a bartender, he's probably seen too many people have their drinks fucked with to the point it's just an instinct now.

He was ready to square tf up when Valentino hit Angel, but waited until Angel walked away instead of jumping in like in episode 4. He really does trust him to take care of himself and was ready to back up whatever he did.

During "The Show Must Go On," it's minor, but Husk actually tucks his wings around the group hug and it's aasfjkdsajfd

For those who've made it this far, thank you so much for listening to my overthinking and ramblings. Please feel free to ask about anything incoherent, add on to anything, or point out things I missed, I'd just really love to get the discussion started on some of these things!

[raayllum]

graphic novel focus breakdown

because it's a tradition for like 5 pages to get 1k of meta at this point, Dreamer's Nightmare edition.

First, what can we glean from the pages themselves?

The town of Noct (meaning "night") has had a recent change of leadership. The previous mayor, a friend of Sarai's, has recently passed and his son, Otti, is now taking over. The royal family — consisting of Harrow, Amaya + Gren, and Callum and Ezran — have come, unawares that the town is likewise plagued by well, nightmares of a sort. We also know that while the comic will heavily feature both brothers, it will ultimately be Ezran centric.

First I'm going to talk about predictions for the comic itself, and then how it may relate to upcoming seasons.

The Comic: timeline wise

Timeline wise, Ezran seems to be about 4-6, putting Callum at 9-11 (maybe even 12) due to their varying age gap of 4-5 years. We see the boys stumbling out of the bushes, wet, from a recent misadventure featuring waterfalls and raccoons.

This is, of course, a reference to the story Callum (angrily) shares in 1x09 about Ezran's animal talking abilities, as he states, "And a few years ago" (from the present age of 9-10) "I realized I could understand them." This reaffirms the age timeline.

However, we do have a small contradiction here between 1x09's take and the comic's. Callum explains that:

However, the comic insinuates that this sort of thing has happened before at least a few times (although this is the first time Harrow has heard about it):

C: Seriously, every time I listen to you, I end up soaking wet! [...] What, Ezran? What is it this time? Bait told you? A horse? A burrow bug? [...] The raccoons again. It's always the raccoons. I've already told you, Ez! Animals can't talk. Can't believe I fell for it again.

Now, this could be due to few things: 1) while Callum's memory is extraordinarily good for visual things, he regularly forgets spell names (written down in his spellbook for consultation across s4 and s5), and also what he or other people have said to him like anyone else; 2) the incident with the waterfall was the one that stuck out in his mind the most and was the biggest incident, so Callum enhances it as the first real time this sort of thing happened; 3) while Callum says "every time" there haven't been that many, and other negative encounters because of raccoons (as noted) have happened before, so this isn't actually what's being referred to in 1x09.

(The realistic one is that things get shifted slightly, like Ezran's age, from materials, and that Callum being as much of a jerk here as he is is a lot more sympathetic if he's frustrated because of multiple incidents rather than one). Moving on:

The comic, conflict wise: interpersonal

While Puzzle House was mostly centred on Claudia's internal conflict with Soren as a tag-along, it seems that the brothers' will equally have internal and an external conflict to solve (more similar to Rayla's adjustments in BH or her and Callum in TTM). Although Runaan and Ethari had to adjust to their new daughter in BH, as adults they were equipped more so with skills and go on less of an arc than Rayla does.

Here, it seems (according to the summary) that "both princes have something to prove" as well as issues to resolve with each other, as Harrow reveals that, "[The boys] haven't been getting along. I thought a trip might be good for brotherly bonding".

For Callum, I'd imagine his 'something to prove' will be about his place of belonging among his family unit / possibly even adjacent to his bio dad (more on that later). For Ezran, he seems to be struggling to speak a bit, even with his brother and Harrow (who responds kindly and gives him plenty of time to gather his words, indicating this isn't a new or rare occurrence). Ezran has always read as Autistic to many people (myself included as an Autistic person) and delayed speech or speech impediments often effect people, particularly when they're younger, so maybe that's part of him learning to communicate better verbally? (Since we know Callum can't, of course, be convinced that Ez is telling the truth about animals, otherwise that throws 1x09 really out of sync.)

It also seems the brothers will have to reconcile and depend on each other. This could also pull in conversations or callbacks to Amaya (whose surely fought with but also lost her sister) and Harrow ("I know your brother can be frustrating, but let him be a kid as long as he can; one day he'll be king. Don't forget that" / "I know your brother's tempter can get the better of him sometimes, but Callum is loyal and true; he loves you more than anything"). The likeliest way this'll be resolved is Callum reaffirming his protectiveness and patience with Ezran, and Ezran perhaps acknowledging that he needs to be more careful about what he is talked into / talks other people into.

Either way, the brothers are gonna hug and I'm gonna cry, tbh.

The comic conflict: external

So the problem with Noct is that something strange is making adults fall asleep, while children catch only glimpses of what seems like a nightmare. My first thought was that maybe if you're young enough sleeping spells don't work on you (hence why Claudia's didn't work on Zym in 4x08) but it remains to be seen. If this is the case, Ezran would likely be spared and Callum might be on the cusp (dreams also have nightmares, after all) as he's a little older.

@kradogsrats noticed that the circular eye-thingy the town's statue lifts up looks like the moon-eye on the graphic novel's cover, so it seems that whatever is going on is intrinsic to this town. The previous mayor just passed, so there could be something with lingering spirits, but I'm currently more inclined to think there's a magical (moon?) related creature here that's had their routine disrupted and is subsequently lashing out. This would also provide Ezran an opportunity to speak with it and use his abilities for good.

We do know that the issue is recent given that the mayor, Otti, only sent a notice for the royal party not to come maybe a week ago, so it probably hasn't been going on for than 1-2 months at absolute most. Otti himself is also a point of interest, as people have pointed out his resemblance to Callum in his hair and eye colour, scarf, and general appearance. I'd place bets on him being an uncle or cousin of Sarai's if the resemblance was intentional. This might help push Callum's feeling of discontent and belonging; is he really Harrow, Sarai's, and his bio dad's son when he feels so disconnected from all of them?

However, what I find most interesting is his scarf and more than that, his staff.

Thus far every character we've seen with a staff in any way has been a mage. I've headcanoned Callum's bio dad as being a (dark) mage in the past, so if there is a mage on his father's side, I'll be exceedingly pleased. If the mayor is a mage, we'll have to see whether he uses primal (primal stone other than Sky we haven't seen before? Or he gives the royal party the sky primal stone as a thank you after everything?) or dark magic, or both.

Another reason I lean towards him being a mage other than the staff is his scarf. Since it looks rather while Callum's scarf (although to be fair, the old Katolis' king scarf from the 4x04 flashbacks also had a resemblance to Callum's) this could infamously be where he gets it from. It having a connection to either Sarai or his bio dad would be very sweet.

If it has a connection to him showing his first interest or affinity for magic, though... Maybe Otti will mention something to Harrow about it, and that'll be what gets Harrow thinking "Hm, maybe there's something I could give him someday" and we know he's thinking about the rune cube / Key of Aaravos.

That's all I have for actual comic predictions, so now onto the juicier stuff: how and why does this comic possibly tie into S6 and S7.

Why now?

Even for the prequel graphic novels, in choosing what gets rolled out when, the crew has typically leaned towards publishing graphic novels that are most in-line with ideas they want to explore in future seasons.

For example, Puzzle House was originally scheduled pre-S5, which makes sense given it 1) features Kpp'Ar heavily in name and mention and 2) also alludes to Soren's sickness, two things that are introduced within the show's canon in S5.

Bloodmoon Huntress was released pre-S4, but highlighted the cycles of loss and leaving that Rayla perpetuated in being gone in S4, how Runaan and Ethari's relationship mirrored Rayla and Callum's ("I've known since we met that nothing this is Runaan's calling, and nothing will deter him from his duty" -> "I have to go after him" "I know"), and that Rayla was getting her parents' coins back. Other elements also showed up prominently in S5, most notably Kim'Dael (though in-show canon her connection to the Moon fam hasn't been brought back) and "We are stronger together"'s callback.

So it seems Dreamer's Nightmare will probably have to do with stuff moving forward into S6 and S7. What can we glean so far? (Spoilers for 6x01 thanks to con info, stop reading here if you don't want to know anything.)

Star magic's dream associations have largely been a guess up until now — dreams have mostly been connected to dark magic, though Janai's nightmare seems to somewhat combine the two. We know, though, that Callum has been having nightmares about Aaravos in 6x01, so that having such a prominent display here in the graphic novel may tip stuff off for the future. This is what I'd hoped for when we got the title and synopsis as well.

If the book does set up what will become Callum's mage arc — the scarf from another mage, maybe cube allusions the way Puzzle House helped show how Claudia managed to track down the unicorn — then that of course will come full circle in S6 as he has to reconcile with what being a mage truly means. All of it, good and bad.

It's been confirmed in either s6 or s7 (I believe s6) that we'll learn a bit about Callum's bio dad. I don't think there's much to learn — I expect he was a nice person, maybe artistically inclined, probably got sick — but if we do see him in a flashback or vision that Callum has while at the Starscraper, introducing some of his family here could be possible.

Sometime in S6 and S7 Ezran is going to have to confront Runaan's survival and revival. We know thanks to "Deep Below" that he's probably not going to take it well, especially not at first. Having a graphic novel highlight more of Ezran and Harrow's bond would only make Ezran's loss and subsequent anger feel all the more earned/valid than it already is.

This is the one that makes me the most excited, but I've been gunning for a broyals conflict since s3 and veering into S6 and S7, it seems like it's finally here. Showing how and why the brothers may fight, and also how they can come back together again, would be a perfect parallel for the upcoming seasons. They'll fight and won't always see eye to eye, but they'll always love each other and put one another first when it matters / come around.

And that's about it for now!

(Onto the trailer next, I guess!!)

[lucy90712]

could you maybe write something about meeting gavi at a party but him being shy and you try to talk to him and ask his number then he messages you and takes you on a date

For my entire life I struggled making friends until I moved to Barcelona for uni, somehow I made a few friends who then introduced me to their wider friend group now I'm just part of the group. I'm definitely the odd one out in the group though they all like to go out or host parties while I'd much prefer to hang out with a few people at a time watching a movie or something but I always go along with what they do to get out my comfort zone. As much as I'm definitely the shy one of the group one of the guys I can tell would rather not be at the parties sometimes. Pablo and I have created some sort of weird bond we sometimes just sit quietly together out the way during group parties but we never really speak. Of course we've said a few words to each other but we usually just sit not saying anything which sometimes is just what I want.

My biggest problem is I've developed a bit of a crush on Pablo well more than a bit. Pablo has always been nice to me he's never questioned why I need to get away from the group sometimes  and he's never made fun of me for getting nervous around lots of new people. As much as Pablo doesn't join in with the rest of the group in making fun of me there is no way on earth he would ever like me back. As much as he sometimes will sit quietly with me he still gets involved with the group most of the time and not to mention he's a famous footballer so he could have probably any girl in Barcelona and probably Spain so there's no way he'd like me. 

For a few weeks now my closest friends have been trying to convince me to tell Pablo how I feel but I have dug my heels in and said that I can't. I think I'd honestly have a breakdown if I tried to confess my feelings to Pablo I've never had a boyfriend before and definitely never told anyone I like them. I'm sure that if I tried to say it my words would fail me or I'd chicken out before I could say it. My friends have tried to encourage me and get me to practice what I'd say and I can do it with them but I know I could never say it in front of anyone else.

Tonight there is a party at one of the guys houses and I just know that my friends are going to expect me to confess which is one of the many reasons I don't want to go but I know I have to as it's supposed to be a birthday party. The girls made me go shopping with them yesterday so they could get me to buy a new dress for tonight which is a cute dress and I feel good in it but I don't think it's going to completely change my personality and give me the confidence I need to talk to Pablo. I got myself all ready and I looked cute but I still felt just as nervous about this party and I thought about just not going but my friends arrived to pick me up before I could text them to say I wasn't going.

We arrived and within seconds my friends had disappeared so I made my way to a quiet corner of the party and sat on my phone looking up every now and then to see what was going on. Everyone was taking, dancing and drinking while I sat with my water in a red cup to make it look like I was drinking so I fit in. After a while I noticed Pablo was sat alone across the room from me and I thought about what my friends said and decided that if I just go over and try and talk to him nothing can go too wrong. I took a minute to build some confidence but when I did I walked over and sat on the sofa he was sitting on but left a bit of a distance between us. 

"Hi" I said so quietly it was just above a whisper 

"Hi" he replied clearly having just heard me 

"How have you been?" Pablo asked 

"I've been good how's your recovery been?" I asked 

"It's going well I'm getting closer to coming back" he said 

The conversation fizzled out after that and we went back to silence. There was no silence in my head though as I kept thinking should I tell him how I feel should I take my friends advice and risk losing the friendship with the one guy in the group who seems to actually get me. It's a really hard decision to make as I don't want to lose our friendship but I also don't want to hide my feelings anymore because what if we could really be something and if I don't say something I'll never know. All the what ifs eat away at me every night and they will continue to do so until I get an answer which I think means I just have to say it. 

"Pablo" I said to get his attention 

"Yeah" he replied 

"I like you as in more than a friend and have done for a while I get if you don't feel the same but I have to tell you" I admitted 

I don't know what I was expecting but it wasn't for him to just smile at me and say nothing. That hurt more than rejection him saying nothing made me regret my decision to tell him more than anything as clearly he didn't feel at all the same and didn't expect me to say that. After a few more seconds I couldn't sit there any longer as I could feel tears beginning to fall and I didn't want him or anyone else to see my cry. I just made it outside before the tears began flowing and I couldn't stop them. I don't know if the tears were from sadness at the rejection or anger at myself for ever thinking Pablo would actually feel the same way I do. As I came here with my friends I didn't have a way to get home so I just sat on the side of the road crying until my taxi arrived. 

Once I got back home all I wanted was to curl up and cry in bed but I knew I had to get changed so I did but that only made me more upset as in my wardrobe I have Barcelona shirts and a hoodie which Pablo gave me one night a few months back when the group were out late and I got cold. I kept the hoodie as he told me I didn't need to give it back and it was comfortable but now I just want to burn it and forget that I ever knew Pablo. Even the pictures I have of everyone together were haunting me as somehow they seem to be everywhere I turn and the first person I noticed was Pablo every time. 

Eventually I got into bed but I couldn't get any sleep as I kept seeing my phone light up from my bedside table. It got too hard to ignore so I decided just to pick up my phone to make sure nothing bad was happening as I got in my head. Most of the texts were from my friends asking where I went and if I was ok so I told them I went home but nothing else. Then I noticed that I had a text from Pablo which I debated looking at because I don't think I can deal with him rejecting me any more than he already has. Curiosity took over though and I read the message. 

Pablo 

Hey y/n I'm so sorry if I made you feel bad earlier. What you said took me by surprise and I didn't know what to say but I've thought about it and now I have the right words to say if you are willing to listen. I really like you too and have for a while I never expected you to feel the same so I never made a move and I’m sorry I didn't take the chance to tell you while you were in front of me. If you still feel the same and can forgive me for being an idiot I'd love to go on a date with you.

Y/n 

I'd still love to go on a date with you

Pablo

Does tomorrow work for you I can pick you up and we can go back to my place 

Y/n 

That sounds great see you tomorrow x

~~~~~~~~~~

Pablo's confession surprised me but I know he wouldn't lie to me just to make me feel better so I agreed to go on a date with him. He text this morning with what time he was coming to pick me up so I got ready and then had to just wait. He showed up right on time and greeted me with a smile and opened the passenger door of his car for me so I could get in the car then did the same when we arrived at his place. After we went inside things were a little awkward but after we got over that and got into a conversation things felt a lot more natural. 

Of course we have known each other for while and had conversations before but there's still a lot we don't know about each other so we spent a good few hours just talking and getting to know more about each other. Both of us clearly felt a lot more comfortable around just each other when there wasn't a big group around us, conversation flowed freely and we both joked and laughed with each other which I never really do with the rest of our friends. Pablo must've felt a lot more confident because as we were talking he grabbed hold of my hand and just held it. My cheeks were definitely bright red after he did that but I liked the feeling of him holding tightly onto my hand. 

After a while of just talking to each other Pablo ordered us some food and when it arrived he let me pick a movie for us to watch. I picked a movie that I've watched a load of times but it's one of my favourites which when Pablo came back said was also one of his favourites so that's another thing we have in common along with all the others things we discovered today. We ate and watched the first movie but that ended far too quickly so Pablo picked another one for us to watch. His hand held mine again for a little while before he moved closer to me and looked at me for permission before putting his arm around my waist. I settled into his side and rested my head on his shoulder which was really comfortable. 

During the second movie we both sometime moved so that we were both laying down and cuddling my head was on his chest and his arms were wrapped around me. I could've fallen asleep in that position and probably would've if the movie didn't end and we realised that it had gotten late so I should go back home. My last bus had already left so instead of getting a taxi Pablo insisted on driving me back which I wasn't going to argue with. It didn't take long to get back to my place which meant leaving each other, in the car we already planned a second date but I still didn't want to say goodbye. 

"Thanks for today I've had the best time" I said 

"Me too I'm so glad you don't hate me after what I did yesterday I still feel bad about that" he said 

"It's ok I get it I kind of sprung it on you" I said 

"Can I kiss you?" Pablo asked 

"Yeah of course" I replied 

With that he put a hand on my cheek and pulled me in until our lips met. I've only ever kissed one guy before and that was a few years ago now but I don't remember it feeling anywhere near as magical as this kiss. It just felt so perfect his lips on mine made me feel like there was fireworks going off in my body. Eventually we both had to pull away but I could tell that he enjoyed it too by the big smile on his face. He pecked my lips one more time before saying goodbye leaving me standing behind my door with the biggest smile on my face and sending an excited text to my friends to tell them what happened as they all have no idea that I finally got what I've been thinking about for ages. 

[bonzos-number-1-fan]

TMAGP 21 Thoughts: Y2K [Error]s

And we're back, again. Albeit I'm back quite late. This one was an interesting one to start act 3 with. On one hand it's a really good recap for what's lead up to this and a great foundation of what we can presume is to come. On the other hand it's an episode I think is deceptively devoid of new information. There is obviously new stuff to dig into here but in general I think it's not a lot of major stuff and mostly reinforcements of stuff we're already well aware of, or confirmation of stuff that I feel was about as good as confirmed anyway. With that said, this will be quite a read because what there is to dig into does go pretty deep.

Spoilers for episode 21 below the cut.

The conversation with Sam and Celia has a couple of interesting bits in it. Some of it's fairly obvious but there is at least one thing I've not really seen people talk about with it. So, Sam is flirting with the idea of of quitting, which is very Sam, and Celia pushes for him not to and tries to get him back "on track" in regards to the Institute, which is very Celia. Celia does care about her co-workers but obviously she's out for herself more than anyone else in the office. Her "complicated immigration status" is another is a long series of alternate-universe references. I think her comment about the OIAR's lax background checks is a more compelling detail there. Presumably there is a TMP version of Celia, who may or may not be called Celia. So you wouldn't necessarily expect there to be an issue there. "Celia" Ripley does likely exist and is likely British and would likely qualify for a position in the OIAR. Yet the way Celia frames it suggests she thought it would be an issue too. Either something that might come up after she got the job or something to be solved in order to get it. What I think is interesting about that is that it suggests to me that her identity isn't the problem but that they'd have some way to tell she's not from this universe.

That's all pretty normal stuff for this show though. The most interesting part of this is Celia's statement that she has to stay because he can't take Jack back to wherever she came from. I've seen a lot of musings on it but nothing that's gotten to what I feel is the heart of the problem there. Jack can't come with her because Jack is a baby and so can't understand and then engage with the mechanism she used. Which basically confirms that however she did it is much close to Darrien's meditation-induced-travel than, say, a portal to walk through. She doesn't rule out that she couldn't go back either so however it works it would have to be something Jack would have to participate in. Although there is the possibility that she's currently sharing her body with the actual TMP Celia and has merely brought her consciousness over and that Jack can't go because there is no body to return to. The problem with that though is the aforementioned background check. If she was physically living as TMP's Celia then there isn't really a concern there at all. Along with Lady M being about to smell that she's different it probably rules that out. Not a strong confirmation but certainly more pointing in the direction that Celia's body is hers which in turns makes the issue with Jack less likely to be that there is no Jack in Celia's home universe to body hop into.

Okay, so on to the incident proper. Honestly, not a huge amount to dig into this one IMO. Obviously a fair bit happened but it's mostly surface level. Which isn't a bad thing but for the sorts of things I tend to talk about it does limit what there is to say. I'd rather not recount things unless I have something to say about them beyond the text itself. There are still a few things to mention here all the same. Firstly, speaking of Darrien the Dr Welling that is mentioned in the episode is very likely the person who gave their name to Welling Mutare Materia where Darrien was incarcerated in episode 17.

Next up, while it's not talked about in explicit detail there is one thing that sums up the point of this ritual, the "Great Work". Anyone into alchemy will be well aware that this refers the creation of the Philosopher's Stone, the Magnum Opus. Immortality, turning lead to gold, spiritual enlightenment, all of the above. Ask 5 alchemists what it's about, get 6 answers. There are some pretty major implications to this that I've not really seen touched upon. Firstly, it's a near direct confirmation that the OIAR and the Magnus Institute are directly adversarial. If the Institute's goal is the completion of the Great Work then the OIAR's purpose is to prevent that and it's something they. mostly, openly broadcast. The symbol of the Magnum Opus is circle housed in a square, housed in a triangle, that is housed in another circle. That symbol is found in the OIAR's insignia but inverted. Which is about as blatant a statement of opposition as you can really get. In turn that also largely confirms that the OIAR are responsible, or at least wanted to, burn the Institute to the ground. The timing of this is very likely not a coincidence either. This letter is dated 04/01/1999, the dome they're referring to in it (the O2, formerly the Millennium Dome) was opened 31/12/1999, as you might expect. The Institute burned down just 7 days prior to that happening.

Secondly, knowing that the Great Work is pretty obviously the goal at this point recontextualises things like catalysts and agents. As well as the general purpose of the Institute as a whole here. The Great Work isn't generally seen as a bad thing in alchemy, like, it's the whole point of the art. It also doesn't seem like the Institute itself is necessarily perverting that idea either. The PoV character is certainly not happy with the idea that this ritual will harness fear and despair is too great of a quantity. So it doesn't seem out and out capital E Evil as a plan. At least as presented. However, there is

Next up, the Millennium Dome itself has a few interesting elements to talk about in this context. The most obvious one is the Millennium Experience which was a kind of its whole thing for its first year. This was an exhibition of all sorts of bits but of relevance is that the exhibition has split into three major themes; Who We Are, What We Do, and Where We Live. 3 is a fairly major number in alchemy thanks to the tria prima. They're divided further still and Who We Are splits into Body, Faith, Mind, and Self-Portrait. These have some loose alignment with the tria prima, the body, the soul, and the spirit. This is something other people have brought up though and it's not actually the thing I think is exciting about the Millennium Dome. Especially not in context to the episode. The dome is important as an architectural work first and foremost. Everyone should go have a look at it because its major feature is incredibly relevant to the Great Work, this episode's details, and the show's explicit references. The feature of the Millennium Dome are its twelve 100 meter support towers. IRL the 12 towers were chosen mostly because of the strong associations with time, both hours and months, but in this episode a lot of weight is given to the astrological and there are 12 signs in the zodiac. But 12 is also incredibly important for the Great Work too. Typically there are 4 stages that you must take to complete the magnum opus but these stages were expanded upon by various scholars. 12 is a number multiple sources land on. 12 is especially relevant for TMP because it's what's laid out in The Compound of Alchemy; or, the Twelve Gates leading to the Discovery of the Philosopher's Stone, written by George Ripley in 1471. Ripley is a very noted alchemist and importantly Celia is his namesake. It really just ticks a whole lots of boxes for "big important thing" in a show like this.

As a final note on the Great Work its presentation as a universal transmutation is quite a shift from more traditional interpretations. As mentioned it's a bit all over the place as for what it means but this incident seems to portray it as something akin to The Change in scale. Universal and far-reaching. It's hard to say too much more than that based on this episode alone but it's worth keeping an ear out for in the future. Even if this version of it is benevolent I can see why something of that scale got them firebombed.

Also, is it just me or does Chester sound much more roboty to start here than in other incidents?

After the incident it's Alice and Lena having a bit of a chat. Alice in this scene is a little peculiar to me, she's very quick to accept that Sam is correct about being lead to a conclusion by Freddy. Although I'm not sure how that reflects on her stance in the last episode. She was obviously trying to protect Sam but it didn't seem like she was lying about not believing his whole conspiracy there either. In this scene though she's pretty sold on the idea. Lena having a heart is nice to see too. I like that she's opening up a little more and is subverting some of the expectations of her assumed archetype.

Gwen and Ink5oul's section is pretty self-explanatory IMO. At least as far as those two characters go. Ink5oul's powers are progressing and she's now able to control mundane tattoos she had no part in producing but beyond that it's pretty expected stuff. Obviously the real standout here is [Error]. Firstly it's a confirmation that they're the one compelling people to spit out statements. Not that I think that confirmation is much of a reveal. There are a few bigger details to pick at here though. They've seemingly marked the whole gang for some reason. If the above is correct, and the OIAR is directly opposed to the Institute, it could just be revenge. Albeit that labours under the assumption [Error] has some sort of allegiance to the Institute. Which I think isn't entirely certain at this stage. The way the transcript describes them is also very perculiar.

A Figure emerges, shrouded in a cloak of whispers. … The Figure continues to emerge, a nightmarish specter of an older world, slowly enveloping Ink5oul’s brash bravado … The Figure breathes deeply, a strange and disconcerting sound, enveloped in pained whispers.

They're three details worth mentioning there. The first is their almost ephemeral description, they emerge and then continue to emerge. Which is a strange phrasing if they were just walking into the scene. The whispers I think are fairly obviously the statements they force on people, not much to say there. "Ink5oul’s brash bravado" speaks to what I was discussing in last episode's post. Ink5oul seems to be fairly inauthentic in a lot of their interactions and are putting on a persona to seem like they're more of a badass than they really are. Outside of that there is just this to mention.

The tape recorder bites Ink5oul before clicking off.

I've seen it brought up a lot and I get why, it is quite funny, but I think it's also speaking to a larger thing. [Error] appears to have much greater control of these than we might be familiar with. I'm not going to get into TMA spoilers but [Error] seems to be conjuring, and commanding, these things themselves which is a very different vibe. I think they might serve a similar purpose overall, the gathering of statements, but more purposeful and I could also see them being [Error]'s physical tether to the world. If they are as ephemeral as the transcript hints at the tape records might serve as their anchor. It's something they can move about but it might be their vulnerability.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Incident/CAT#R#DPHW Master Sheet and Terminology Sheet

DPHW Theory: 4254 seems about right but it's also such a weird one that it's hard to really quantify. It doesn't strike me as wrong in any way but the focus of the incident was not on the, well, incident. So it's hard to say.

CAT# Theory: CAT2 is a 2 and I don't have a huge amount to say on these as of yet.

R# Theory: BC seems right. It's what the last letter about spooky shit was rated and this seems to hit all the same notes I mentioned in the ep 19 post.

Header talk: Architecture (Landmark) -/- Corruption (Entropy) is another of those strange ones. Our third in a row. Which likely means they're here to stay, and while that's generally fine by me it does make me wonder what the diegetic reasoning is here. It's a pretty sudden shift to just do this now and it never come up before this. It's also not something mentioned as new either. Corruption (Entropy) is fairly interesting though. It makes sense for the incident but it feels like you could've just done "time" here for the same effect.

[one-flower-one-sword]

Sending virtual hugs! 🌸

I’m wondering about your thoughts on Xie Lian and how he views Hua Cheng and the Gambling Den.

He expressed to Hua Cheng his concerns about how dangerous it is, and let it go when he understood that he and Hua Cheng have differing views on the matter.

It makes me wonder how things would have unfolded if the man who gambled to have his competitors die or give his daughter’s life and marriage if he lost, had been able to complete his bet without interruption. Like how much is Hua Cheng involved in something like that?

Would that man simply have walked away with the luck he needed to get what he wanted? I can’t see Hua Cheng actively hunting down and killing those people.

But I can see him allowing the man the luck needed to make his desires come true - so not actively engaging but not interfering with the man’s terrible decisions - kind of like with how he dealt with He Xuan.

I’m not completely sold on that thought though…😅 your thoughts?

Thank you! 🌸

And thank you for your ask! I love talking about Ghost City :3

I've thought about similar things regarding the Gambler's Den, but ultimately, I think it's on purpose that we don't find out for sure and are left to wonder. Especially since, at this point in the story, both the reader and Xie Lian are still slowly uncovering who Hua Cheng is as a person.

When we look at this scene after everything is revealed, I think it's quite clear from the mockingly derisive way he talks to him that Hua Cheng did not like that guy, and I wonder if he would even have taken that second bet if Xie Lian and the others hadn't been there - he seems to have a pretty good understanding of Lang Qianqiu's character when be talks about him with Xie Lian later, so I can see him use that second bet as a lure to make Lang Qianqiu cause a commotion. Because then Hua Cheng gets to "discover" that Xie Lian and the others are there, which means he has a reason to invite Xie Lian to Paradise Manor, which is necessary to make that whole "have them rescue 'Ming Yi' so that He Xuan's cover isn't blown" plan work.

As an aside, though of course Hua Cheng is always happy when he gets to spend time with Xie Lian, I think he must have deeply hated deceiving him like this. It speaks to how much he values his arrangement with He Xuan and how vital the information He Xuan provides is to him - which is proven when right after this, the whole Fang Xin reveal happens. Without He Xuan monitoring what's happening in heaven and relaying the information to him, Hua Cheng wouldn't have known that Xie Lian got locked inside his palace and couldn't have come to rescue him.

Back to the topic at hand though. I think it's worth looking at the actual dialog when Xie Lian and Hua Cheng discuss the den because there's so much in there:

After some hesitation, Xie Lian spoke up again. "San Lang, it may be out of line for me, but I still have to say it. That Gambler's Den of yours is incredibly dangerous. Won't it blow up in your face one day?"

A place that allowed the betting of sons and daughters and people's lives, granting wishes for others' sudden deaths - it was dreadfully sinful. Never mind a little brawl; if one day the bets got out of hand, the Heavenly Realm wouldn't be able to stay on the sidelines.

Hua Cheng gave him a look.

"Your Highness, did you ask Lang Qianqiu why he had to jump into that mess?"

Xie Lian was slightly taken aback, not quite understanding the intent of the question.

Hua Cheng continued, "I bet he must have told you that if he didn't do it, no one else would."

He was amazingly on the mark, obviously having seen through Lang Qianqiu.

"That's indeed what he said." Xie Lian admitted.

"Then I'm the complete opposite," Hua Cheng said. "If I don't control a place like this, then someone else will. I'd rather that person be me."

Xie Lian knew when to back down, and he nodded. "I understand."

It seemed, although Hua Cheng was the sentimental sort, he also cared more about control and power than Xie Lian realized.

It's fascinating that it we look at what Xie Lian actually says and thinks here, what he mainly seems to be worried about is what would happen to Hua Cheng and his friendship with Hua Cheng should Jun Wu be given reason to actively start going against him. Which is also what Xie Lian worries about during this entire mission - what will happen if it turns out Hua Cheng is involved with a heavenly official's disappearance and heaven retaliates, what will happen if he's not involved and Xie Lian has destroyed their friendship by deceiving him. It doesn't matter to Xie Lian that Hua Cheng is a Ghost King and that they're technically on opposite sides - he's decided based on his own experiences and judgment that Hua Cheng is a good person and a good friend, and he's already at this point very protective of him. Especially since he's not unaware that the heavenly realm in general and Jun Wu in particular do not share his opinion on Hua Cheng, and the political implications thereof:

Jun Wu turned around. "Tell me, what kind of extraordinary character did you engage with when you descended this time?"

Xie Lian raised his hand. "My Lord, I swear I did nothing. Just, one day by chance, I encountered an interesting young man on the road, and we spent some time together. I didn't think much of it."

Ju Wu nodded. "Chance encounter, young man, Supreme Ghost King. Xianle, surely you are aware what the consequences would be if Ming Guang was to question you further and you confessed to this in front of the other officials? No one would believe you."

"Xianle knows," Xie Lian replied woefully. "So, I'm grateful for My Lord's timely intervention. My Lord, you're not actually going to interrogate me, are you? I wouldn't collude with the Ghost Realm. These are absurd concerns."

"Naturally, I know you would not intentionally collude with the Ghost Realm," Jun Wu said.

"I'm grateful for My Lord's trust," Xie Lian replied.

Xie Lian is definitely stretching the truth here with the "I didn't think much of it" part, given that by the end of his investigation in Banyue, he damn well knew that the "interesting young man" was Supreme Ghost King Hua Cheng, and then he kept spending time with him regardless. He's very careful about protecting their friendship by downplaying it and being vague, and further than that, he's very careful about protecting Hua Cheng. We've already seen this earlier when Pei Ming was interrogating him - Xie Lian even pretended not to know who that "red-clothed young man" was because he rightfully deduced that Pei Ming would try to use Hua Cheng as a scapegoat to get Xiao Pei off the hook. Then when Pei Ming does try to pin the whole thing on Hua Cheng, Xie Lian immediately speaks up in his defense:

"General Pei, let's keep things clear and separate. Let's not talk about whether the young man I traveled with was Hua Cheng or not. At the very least, even if he was indeed Hua Cheng, that has nothing to do with what General Pei Junior has done. A Supreme Ghost King might have the worst possible name on people's tongues, but not everything can be blamed on him."

I find it very telling that the reason Xie Lian is being so carefully vague is less so he himself won't get into trouble and more that he's very aware that if Hua Cheng gets wrongfully accused, no one will question it simply because of who and what Hua Cheng is. And it's that kind of injustice and prejudice that Xie Lian will always stand up against. At this point he still completely trusts Jun Wu, but when it comes to Hua Cheng, Xie Lian not only disagrees but actively disobeys, though he's careful about how much of that he shows in front of Jun Wu:

Jun Wu shook his head. "I should not comment on the friends you make, but I will say this: Be careful of Hua Cheng."

Hearing this, Xie Lian bowed his head slightly, keeping his eyes down and saying nothing. He should've responded with "Yes, My Lord," as he should have been able to say yes with ease by that point. Yet, for some reason, he really didn't want to say that particular "yes".

Hua Cheng likewise also understands his and Xie Lian's respective positions and is careful not to endanger Xie Lian. Like here, when he explains why he put up somewhat of an act of not knowing Xie Lian because there were other heavenly officials present:

"Since gege is here, why not come in? We haven't been apart for that long, so don't be a stranger to San Lang."

At his beckoning, Xie Lian let down the beaded curtain. "Earlier in the Gambler's Den, it was San Lang who pretended not to recognize me."

Hua Cheng approached and stopped at Xie Lian's side. "Lang Qianqiu was there too, so if I didn't put on an act, I'd be giving gege trouble."

Or here when he's content to be accused of having maliciously kidnapped Xie Lian if that means Xie Lian won't be suspected of resisting his arrest and made to look guilty:

Xie Lian finally understood. Shi Qingxuan could see that Hua Cheng had no ill intent, but on the surface, they had to pretend that Hua Cheng had only barged into the Heavens to collect his due. It would prevent gossip from those how might suggest that Xie Lian had maliciously and intentionally absconded. Hua Cheng understood Shi Qingxuan's intent and had played along. However, Xie Lian didn't want to go this route.

"All right, stop acting. He only came to the Heavens to save me. San Lang had good intentions, so why conceal them?"

Hua Cheng does this to protect Xie Lian, but Xie Lian likewise wants to protect him. This has ended up quite long-winded, but I wanted to look for more evidence of why I think that Xie Lian mainly brought up the Gambler's Den because he's worried that the bets could end up endangering Hua Cheng himself.

Hua Cheng sincerely thanks Xie Lian for his concern, but makes it clear that he doesn’t quite agree, and I think it's worth looking into why that is.

I've seen Hua Cheng be described as completely amoral by fans, but I don't think that's how the text actually portrays him. He certainly can be quite critical and cynical with his views on both humans and gods, but his reasoning for establishing and keeping the den isn't "I don't care what happens there" or "I want places like this to exist for my own gain". He is, at least from his perspective and based on his experiences, simply being grimly realistic about how if he forbids these kinds of bets, the people who want to conduct them will simply move underground and do their gambling in secret. So not only will these bets happen either way, someone else will eventually take control of such a place, and Hua Cheng doesn't trust that such a person wouldn't take advantage of it.

Hua Cheng isn't amoral, he just has his own perspective on morality and justice. He's also not passive and uncaring in the face of what he perceives as wrong and unjust, but he doesn't really talk about that openly unless prompted. Like here during the Black Water arc, when they discuss the scroll with (supposedly) the names of victims of the Reverend of Empty Words:

Xie Lian turned to Hua Cheng. "San Lang, you said it's full of outrageous mistakes. How so?"

Hua Cheng scooted over to him, they were now sitting much closer than before. Hua Cheng pointed at a few names. "These are wrong."

Xie Lian looked at the names closely; all of them were known to be lawless, malevolently evil tyrants. "How do you know?"

"Because I killed them," Hua Cheng said.

Hua Cheng deeply hates people who abuse the power they wield, to the point that he personally acts against them. I think this ties in well with his reasoning about the Gambler's Den. I don't think there's anything in the text that suggests Xie Lian is upset to realize that Hua Cheng cares more about power and control than he'd thought, just surprised - until he comes to Ghost City, Xie Lian has mostly been around the very laid-back "San Lang", and this is the first time he's encountered Hua Cheng in his own territory, where he's a Ghost King ruling over the largest settlement within the ghost realm.

Also Xie Lian doesn't know this yet, but given everything we later learn about Hua Cheng's past, I think it's quite obvious that Hua Cheng's preoccupation with the power and control he wields, as well as his contempt for those who abuse theirs, is rooted deeply in the trauma he's gone through. Control in particular is a huge thing for him for several reasons, one of the main ones being that as a child, he was repeatedly punished for things outside his control, and he internalized that pattern to the point where he now punishes himself for things outside his control, as is shown repeatedly when he decides he's failed Xie Lian in some way. But I'm going to go into more detail about this in my Hua Cheng + trauma responses meta.

Lastly, I think it's important to keep in mind that the text makes clear that even when Xie Lian and Hua Cheng disagree, rather than a point of conflict it's actually proof of how strong and healthy their relationship is. I've sometimes seen fans (not you) portray their relationship as Xie Lian being irritated with Hua Cheng's attitude towards others, having him either be somewhat grudgingly resigned to it or actively trying to change Hua Cheng's behavior. But when we actually look at the text, we realize that nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, the opposite is the case - Xie Lian is incredibly protective of him and repeatedly gets defensive when others judge and blame Hua Cheng. I'm gonna examine that in more detail in my hualian meta though, so for now, I hope this turned out a satisfying answer!

[outlanderfandomfollies]

MIK s2e2: MĀORI CULTURE: Sam recalls some poignant moments when he gets a Māori "moko"

After reading a post about a TV Line recap of MIK episode 202, I decided to watch this episode about Māori culture for myself. I was touched by the scenes where Sam and Graham each tell their stories in the process of getting a nonpermanent version of a "moko" (or tā moko), a deeply meaningful form of tattoo in the Māori culture.

Tā moko artist Hohua Mohi explains that someone who wants a moko will "sit down for a good hour" and start talking about some part of their life that is meaningful, like their family, where they came from, etc. As they are talking, the moko artist is drawing, and consequently, every moko is unique and very personal.

The Story Behind Sam's Moko

SAM: Well my dad left, when I was, uh, very young, three years old, so I didn't--I didn't know him at all. HOHUA: Yeah. SAM: I actually didn't know his name.

SAM: And uh, my mum brought me up with my elder brother in the south of Scotland. She's--she's been very, very strong my whole life. And she struggled, I think, to look after two young boys.

SAM: Um, and it probably wasn't until I was… mid-20s that I finally, uh, met my dad. And, actually, very recently, I got to see him just before he died, which was uh, incredible, just to learn about him and his life.

SAM: And, uh, we spent a few days together. I work a lot, and I'm very fortunate. But I always put it first. So I guess, uh, relationships are difficult.

Sam's Moko Explained and Revealed

HOHUA: So, if you look at it, it talks about your--your father. It talks about your dad and then your brother in here. This manaia here represents your mum. And so it's obviously facing upwards. SAM: Yeah. HOHUA: I've been giving you advice. SAM: Ah, so she's been giving me advice, mm.

HOHUA: And if you look at it, rather than just follow a single line, all of these colors, they branch off, they branch off, they branch off. SAM: Yeah, yeah. HOHUA: And it was-- They came from you talking about how you wanted-- ultimately, you know, you don't know whether or not you're gonna settle down there, but you- you want to go and see the world. SAM: Somewhere else, yeah, yeah. HOHUA: So that's what--that's what this will remind you of. You know? SAM: Different branches.

HOHUA: Yeah, but also, no matter which way you branch off, never forget where... [speaking native language] SAM: Wow. HOHUA: Hmm. SAM: My friend. [shakes hand] So beautiful. GRAHAM: That is really-- SAM: Thank you so much. GRAHAM: It's pretty. SAM: Isn't that awesome?

SAM: A strange experience as well. GRAHAM: A unique experience. SAM: Yeah, just also very personal. It felt like going to therapy a little bit. GRAHAM: Yeah. SAM: But, uh, very, very honored. GRAHAM: Yeah. Yeah. Really, thank you so much.

Being a therapist myself, it seemed to me that the process of getting a moko is very much a therapeutic experience. The person getting a moko focuses inwardly and shares important parts of their past that define who they are. The moko artist appears not to be judgmental and listens at a deep level. Then the artist presents the moko, which is a visual symbol of something very unique about the person. And they also give verbal feedback to the person about what they have understood to be the essence of their story.

Sounds like a "therapeutic" encounter to me!

[edited]

___________ NOTE: Images of Sam's moko were enhanced for clarity and to accentuate the colors. Thanks @thetruthwilloutsworld for making the TV Line Recap post. I'd never watched any episode of MIK before. I'm glad I watched this episode. I enjoyed learning about Māori culture, as well as finding out more about Sam's and Graham's personal backgrounds.

[goldberrg]

₊˚⊹ᡣ𐭩 lovely teammate

summary : You're running along in the paddock, for two years you've been in Formula 1 for McLaren together with Lando Norris. The only problem is the fact that the two of you don't like each other and take every opportunity to get into fights.

You're running along in the paddock, for two years you've been in Formula 1 for McLaren together with Lando Norris.

The only problem is the fact that the two of you don't like each other and take every opportunity to get into fights.

It's press day now with all the teams giving interviews together. Neither Lando nor you are thrilled about it, but there is no way around it.

— Don't get on my nerves, best you shut up and let me do the talking.

He says with a grim face and an annoyed tone. And you just look surprised at him.

The two of you walk to the interviewer and sit on chairs next to each other. A few flashes of camera lights go off and Lando immediately takes the floor.

— Hi, I'm Lando Norris and I'm driving for McLaren.

His face is grim as always and it looks like he would rather be anywhere else.

— And I'm Y/N Garcia. I also drive for McLaren. — you say with a soft smile on your face.

He sees you smiling at him and immediately turns to you with a frown.

— And she's my annoying teammate, Y/N Garcia. — he added and turned back to the interviewer. — Can we end the press day here? Please?

— We didn't even start, Lando. — you said with anger and confusion in your voice.

He chuckles and gives you a look that shows how much he loves your temper.

— Look who is talking.

He turns back to the interviewer and speaks with a fake friendly voice.

— I'm sure my teammate Y/N is ready to tell you everything you want to know about me. — he smiles playfully in your direction.

— What? Lando, are you crazy? — you whisper.

— Maybe a little. — he chuckles and smiles at you.

He continues to answer the interview questions with a fake friendly tone and lots of lies about you.

— My teammate Y/N is a lovely and kind person who is definitely not annoying.

The more he lies, the more he smiles.

— That's enough of your lies. — you stand up and aggressively grab his hand. — Could you give us a minute?

McLaren team nods. Lando sighs and follows you out of the room. He looks a little surprised when you take his hand, but he doesn't say anything as you pull him into the bathroom and close the door behind him.

— What the hell do you think you're doing? — he says with a raised voice.

— Listen, can we just have one normal interview. Without your lies and fighting? You know, our team doesn't like it. Plus it's really annoying. — you say as you come closer to him.

He looks surprised and amused that you are so close to him.

— Look who's talking about "being annoying".

He looks down at you, a playful smile on his face.

— No fighting, fine.. For today. — he laughs.

— Not fighting or I will fucking kill you. — you came even closer.

His eyebrows raise and it looks like he's trying not to laugh.

— Is that so?.. Well now you got my attention, Y/N.

He looks directly in your eyes and moves a little closer to you.

— So.. Are we fine now?

He still looks a little surprised for a few seconds.

— Do I look annoyed to you? — he chuckles and moves in even closer. — Yes, I'd say we're fine.

— Thank god, now let's go back. — you try to open the door.

He grabs your hand and closes the door again.

— You know.. I was just thinking.. There's something else I wanted to tell you. — he looks into your eyes.

— What is it? — you cross your arms.

He starts caressing along your arms and moves his head even closer to you.

— Come closer, Y/N..

He gives you a suggestive look and a smirk while running his fingers over your arms.

— Lando, what are you..

You dont even get to finish the sentence when he cuts you off by leaning in and kissing your soft lips.

— Y/N, this is what I wanted to tell you.

He gives you another kiss and looks at you with a smile that is very different from earlier.

— So that's how we playing now, huh? Trying to hook up with me after being mean?

Deep down you knew – you want this kiss. You waited for this kiss.

He chuckles and smiles at you while still leaning in closer to you and touching the back of your neck. He doesn't let go of your hand.

— Maybe I just want to try something new. Who knows what might happen.

He looks at your soft lips for a few seconds with a slight smirk on his face.

— Just leave me alone. — you try to step back a little.

He looks at you and raises one eyebrows, still smiling.

— You know exactly what you are doing right now.. Playing hard to get. — he continues caressing your arms and neck.

— I'm not.. — you whisper quietly because of the guilt feeling in your chest.

— I think you are..

He knew what exactly you were doing, and you thought it wasn't that obvious. He gives you a soft smile, still leaning in a bit to you, and caressing your neck.

— You know the more you deny it, the more I want to keep trying, Y/N.

— Lando, let's go already. I dont wanna get in trouble.

He laughs and puts his other hand behind your head, caressing your cheeks as he looks at you with a smirk on his face.

— Oh come on, it's just us and our team. Are you really worried about getting in trouble?

He laughs again and gives you another soft kiss on your lips.

— Stop with the kissing. — you say as you try to smudge away the taste of his lips.

— Come on, baby.. You don't really want me to stop, do you?

He gives you a charming look while his hand is still caressing your neck.

— You know I can be really persistant. And I know you wanted this.

[madame-fear]

Hi love!!

After the watching House of the Dragon so we can talk about it,

Can I have some Aemond headcanons of him with a motherly figure wife?

❤️

I love you!!!

— ☆ amira speaks : BABY YESS DJKDKDKD Totally loved thisss 🥺💘 (am so happy of having got you to watch HOTD so we can fangirl about more fandoms together hehe 🤭). I don't usually write much for Aemond even if I'd love to, so hope you enjoy this my Queen 👑 love you too much babygirl!! ❤

: ̗̀➛ Honestly, Aemond has never been the type of person to easily open up to anyone. But with you? It's a whole different thing.

: ̗̀➛ The moment you got betrothed to Aemond, despite being a loving, sweet gentleman as always, his personality was rather quiet, and reserved. Enigmatic, to put it in a way.

: ̗̀➛ But as you got to know each other better by spending some time alone, and after your wedding ceremony, there was something about you that made him feel strangely comfortable.

: ̗̀➛ You aren't like the rest of the people he's ever met on his entire life. Perhaps, it's because you have a more warming, comforting, and sweet personality. Completely non-judgamental, and you always know exactly how to respond to whatever thing he's ranting about that he dislikes, making him feel much better.

: ̗̀➛ With the passing of time, now being Husband and Wife, you've grown to be extremely close to one another. He's learned to genuinely trust you, talk to you about whatever thing bothers him, express his thoughts outloud when being in private with you, and kind of looking after you for comfort when he truly needs it, and is too worn out by all the constant political chaos surrounding him.

: ̗̀➛ I see our One Eyed prince as a very observant person, so I know that he'd see that the warming, tender, motherly way you are is not just with him, but with everyone surrounding you.

: ̗̀➛ Also, he can't help but quietly admire the way you treat the two small children of his sister Helaena when you're with her, or you are in charge of looking after them. You truly are like a second mother to them, always joyfully playing and treating them with such a special care, that warms his heart and makes him stupidly grin.

: ̗̀➛ His mother Alicent and his sister Helaena love you fr, but he loves you even more.

: ̗̀➛ Despite being already close enough to you — more than with anyone else — and sharing literally everything with you, his darling wife, sometimes Aemond can't help but keep it to himself that he's always looking for you to comfort him somehow. Whether it's by playing with strands of his hair in a daint manner, reading outloud to him, talking together and hearing his inner conflicts, etc.

: ̗̀➛ He just feels so safe around you, especially with such motherly way of being you have that he so badly craves JSKDKDLDK

: ̗̀➛ Please don't be surprised if Aemond's too overprotective with you. Literally clinging to your side no matter where you go because you are so important to him, that he can't bear the thought of something slight happening to you.

: ̗̀➛ The slightest inconvenience happens? There he is, standing in front of you in a protective manner, ready to fight anyone who tries to lay their hands on you.

: ̗̀➛ Basically you're like the only thing that gives him stability in his messy life. And will always look up after you for that. Please just love him.

♡ taglist : ♡

@capellaadara @tchatso @kyuupidwrites @dragon430 @chompchompluke

[cirilla-fiona-riannon]

Fateful Love in Motion

Translations may not always capture the exact nuances or tone of the original text. Expect grammatical errors and inaccuracies.

➼ Prologue

One day, some time after entering the Ooku.

Mai: "Excuse me."

I visited Ieyasu's room to learn about mixing medicines.

Ieyasu: "You came again. You really are a weird one."

Mai: "Yes, but knowing about medicine is useful, and I enjoy talking with you."

Ieyasu: "That’s what makes you weird."

(Even so, you never kick me out.)

Feeling his subtle kindness, my cheeks relaxed into a smile.

Our current relationship began a while ago when I called him to my room.

------------Flashback-----------

Ieyasu: "What do you want? I'm not interested in you."

Mai: "Sorry for the sudden request. I heard you know a lot about medicine."

Ieyasu: "So what? I'm here because of my archery skills."

Mai: "I want your help to treat an injured sparrow!"

Ieyasu: "Huh? Why should I?"

Mai: "The court physicians won't take it seriously, and I couldn't think of anyone else to ask."

Mai: "Please, help me."

Ieyasu: ".........."

Ieyasu: "Where's the sparrow?"

Mai: "You'll help!?"

Ieyasu: "If I ignored it, I'd be the bad guy."

After that, he mixed medicine for the sparrow and treated it carefully.

Ieyasu: "You should be the one asking for help. You're such a goody two shoes."

While waiting for the medicine, Ieyasu listened to my story about being forcibly brought to the Ooku, and he sighed in exasperation.

Ieyasu: "Well, I'm in a similar situation."

Mai: "You're also here against your will?"

Ieyasu: "Your father pressured me to be here."

Mai: "I'm sorry."

Ieyasu: "It's not something you need to apologize for."

Ieyasu: "Anyway, if you have no one to rely on, you should at least learn to prepare your own medicine."

Ieyasu: "If you watch my work closely, you'll learn whether you like it or not."

Mai: "You mean you'll teach me about medicine?"

Ieyasu: "If you're willing to learn, yes."

Mai: "Thank you, Ieyasu!"

---------Flashback Ends--------

Since then, I've been receiving instructions from Ieyasu.

Ieyasu: "Hey, that’s too sloppy. The medicine won’t work properly like this."

Ieyasu: "For a princess, not being able to make an antidote is like asking to be poisoned."

(He still speaks bluntly, but I know he's worried about me.)

I came to understand his indirect kindness, which made my heart race.

As we spent more time together, I found myself drawn to him.

(But he’s also a victim of my father. I have no right to express my feelings.)

(I'll keep these feelings locked in my heart for the rest of my life.)

That's what I thought, but...

Ieyasu: ".........."

(What should I do?)

A few days later, we were in the bedroom, sitting silently across from each other.

Ieyasu: "Why did you call me? Are you underestimating me, thinking I wouldn't do anything to you?"

Mai: "That's not it! Rather, I wouldn't mind if you did anything to me."

Ieyasu: "Ha?"

Mai: "Crap."

(There's no turning back now.)

Mai: "I like you."

Ieyasu: "----!"

Mai: "Today at noon, my father pressured me to call someone to the bedroom tonight, and the only person I could think of was you."

Mai: "I know it's only a bother for you, but... Ah."

I felt his hand grip my shoulder, and our lips met.

Mai: "Mmm..."

As the soft sensation left, Ieyasu's eyes, filled with heat, met mine.

Ieyasu: "Don't misunderstand. I never thought of it as a bother."

Mai: "Eh?"

Ieyasu: "The day you called me to help the sparrow, I was dazzled to see you living straightforwardly, even in a place like this."

Ieyasu: "I was irresistibly drawn to you from that moment."

Mai: "Ieyasu."

Ieyasu: "I'm not one to share my love life with others, so if you choose me, you'll have to run away from here. Are you ready for that?"

Mai: "I am!"

Ieyasu: "Then, let me say it again. I love you. I'll make you happy, so live with me."

Mai: "Okay!"

We clasped hands and kissed again.

➼ Collection Events Masterlist

[the-power-of-stuff]

The Live-Action Sukka Manifesto that I Just Couldn't Keep in My Head

So I've been marinating in my live-action Sukka thoughts for the past three days, and when someone sent me an anon asking if I had any thoughts about the changes, at first I went, "DO I EVER?!" and proceeded to dump my entire brain on the page.

But then I worried maybe the anon wouldn't want to see my entire brain and figured I'd make my own post with my Many, Many Thoughts, and reel it in a bit when I answer the ask. And then link here if they're interested in the dissertation.

I'll put all the excessive details and spoilery stuff under a cut, but I'll start by saying, I didn't hate it! And I was afraid that I would.

There were things that I was bummed or had mixed feelings about, but there was also a lot that I genuinely enjoyed. All the Sukka interactions were cute and still had some decent character development, and I had fun with the episode overall (I've watched it thrice mind you, and definitely have not given the rest of the series that kind of attention). And I didn't necessarily dislike the differences from the original; I think I've just taken more of a "that was an interesting interpretation" approach.

But I better start that cut now, because I'm about to go on and on about this. I'd love to know what others think, though!! Even if the opinions aren't the same as mine! Please feel free to comment, reblog, shoot me an ask. If nothing else, I'm excited that the LA has gotten people talking about ATLA again.

So, I want to start with Suki’s characterization, which overall I found to be delightful, even if it was a bit of a watered-down version of her animated self.

In the original show, Suki is confident, sassy, and doesn’t take shit from anybody. She’s proud to the point of almost being arrogant, and even a little mean. What we get in the LA is someone who’s still confident in terms of her status and her skills, and still proud of her heritage and her role in her community, but with significantly less sass. And while LA Suki still seems like someone who wouldn’t take anyone’s shit, we don’t actually see LA Suki deal with that much shit from anyone (because Sokka isn’t really giving her any). 

There is one moment in the show where her interaction with Sokka is a little contentious, which is when he tries to relate to her as a fellow guardian of his people. I think Suki’s question to Sokka about how is he protecting his village if he’s not there is meant to be a challenge to his swagger. However, the line is delivered with a softness that makes it seem as though Suki is, at least in part, genuinely curious. (This curiosity makes even more sense when we consider the fact that Suki’s eventually going to leave Kyoshi Island so she and her Warriors can take part in the war effort, and that she will have to contend with the question of “how do you do that without abandoning your people?” when coming to that decision. The LA lays a lot more of this groundwork than the animated show did: Suki outwardly expressing her desire to see the world, her mother’s secretive looks every time Suki gazes longingly at Sokka the possibilities…)

Compare these two moments, for example. These are both scenes where Suki expresses disbelief at Sokka's claims about his warrior-hood. But in the LA, Suki speaks rather quietly and mildly, in contrast to the brash sarcasm of her animated counterpart. LA Suki is also tilting her head down and away, looking at Sokka indirectly. OG Suki is leaning in close, getting in his face, smirking derisively with her hands on her hips.  

I think there’s something to be said about the LA in general smoothing away certain personality traits that could be seen as negatives but that are actually strengths that are so narratively well-developed they occasionally show up as flaws (for instance, Katara’s fury, or lack thereof). Animated Suki is prideful and stubborn; she berates Sokka until he gives her sad puppy-dog eyes and has zero hesitation about making an example of him in front of her whole class. It’s a little ruthless, but these traits are also 1) what gets through Sokka’s thick skull (he, too, is prideful and stubborn), and 2) what makes her such a dedicated ambassador of Kyoshi and such a strong leader of the island’s Warriors at such a young age. I feel like the LA writers were afraid of making any of the protagonists seem too abrasive—everyone in the LA has had their edges sanded down, including Zuko, including Aang—and in general this tends to lead to less realistic representations of humanity and conflict, less satisfying character development arcs, and fewer opportunities for reflection and learning. 

That being said! I went into watching the LA with negative expectations about what we would see in terms of character development, and thus was pleasantly surprised. 

The LA removed the need for Suki to be as ruthlessly stubborn as she is in the animated show because LA Sokka’s skull is not so thick (and I'll get into that a bit more later). So what we get instead is a sheltered Suki with a helicopter mom who is so hilariously awkward that she has no idea how to interact with other humans. And, to be honest, I enjoyed this version of her so much that I even thought to myself, “I wish I’d thought of that!”

Suki is a straight-up weirdo in the LA and I love that for her. The way she puts Sokka in a chokehold and then looks at him after she sets him free like, “That was good flirting, yes? Would you like to be my boyfriend now?” And then her disappointment when Sokka walks away as if she’s thinking, “Why didn’t that go well, I thought boys loved getting put in chokeholds?” She is so precious, I just want to put her in my pocket. And this characterization might even be more broadly relatable than a super-confident Suki brimming with sass. Who among us hasn’t made a complete fool of ourselves in front of a crush by coming on way too strong and having no idea how to flirt? I mean…real. 

And because Sokka is also mostly just making a fool of himself trying to impress a pretty and talented peer (instead of covering up his insecurities by wrapping himself in misogyny) this leaves room for the two of them to be attracted to each other right off the bat and for their interactions to be more overtly romantic throughout the entire episode. Which, avid shipper that I am, I have to admit I have been gobbling up for the past three days straight. This episode was an IV drip of romantic tropes hooked straight to every Sukka shipper’s veins. 

Shy glances from across the room? Check.

Walking in on the other person half-naked? Check. (Y’all, Suki looks Sokka up and down for a FULL TWENTY SECONDS yes I timed it from the moment she appears in the background, yes you should count it to see how long that really is. Talk about awkward.) 

Tripping so they end up falling into each other’s arms? Check.

Wide-eyed shock that turns into surprise thirst after being pinned to the ground? Check.

Shooting each other satisfied smirks as they kick ass side-by-side? Check.

Jumping in front of literal fire for each other? Check and check!

Like, I could live off this for the rest of the year. 

But look, there’s a lot that I love about the way Sokka and Suki’s relationship is portrayed in this episode besides those romantically indulgent tension-creating moments, and it has to do with Suki’s admiration and validation of Sokka. 

Suki really looked at this boy with his mouth stuffed half-full of steamed bun and went, “Must have.”

With the removal of overt sexism from this episode (for better or worse), the story focused much more heavily on Sokka’s development as a leader. He still has that sort of posturing display of self-confidence that comes from inexperience and trying too hard to prove oneself (“Ferociously…deadly tiger whales…”), and while at first Suki seems put off by this and his attempts to liken himself to her (“I’m not just a warrior, I’m a Kyoshi warrior”) it doesn’t take her long to decide (*cough*after seeing him shirtless*cough*) that she doesn’t actually mind this behavior (and in fact maybe she kind of likes it because maybe it means he likes her and maybe it means she can show him how much she likes him by slicing the tops off all those melons with her fan). She seems genuinely interested in his boomerang and impressed that he hunts, and then later, she immediately takes interest in training him in the Kyoshi Warrior style. 

After they spar, she casually refers back to the fact that he’s his village’s protector, and this time, she does it without the disbelief and defensiveness. Because he’s finally stopped posturing. He opened himself up and gave himself over to Suki’s expertise, and in that way he proved that he has the will and desire—the heart—of a warrior. And Suki tells him so while touching him gently and gazing at him longingly in the soft golden glow of the late-afternoon sun. And as a die-hard Sokka stan, I love seeing him loved and appreciated like this. Adamantly. Ardently. The Sokka cheerleader in my head is going wild. “YEESSSS!! Our boy deserves this!!” Because we know that, in the animated show, he goes through a lot more struggle and self-doubt before he receives this kind of external validation. And while we also know that this makes for an incredibly satisfying growth arc, I gotta admit that it’s a fun bit of indulgence to watch Suki talk Sokka up directly to his face and then want to kiss him really bad. Y’know. As a treat.

That said, I'm very attached to and appreciative of the way their relationship is framed in the animated series. I love that their respect and affection for each other grows even after the disaster that is their first few interactions. In the LA, they are drawn to each other immediately, and the only barrier seems to be a bit of awkward stepping-in-it-ness. In the original, they have legitimate conflict, and they both have to give a little—Sokka becomes more humble, Suki becomes more tender—before they get to that point of potential romantic interest. And I think it says a lot about Sokka’s character and his desire to learn and grow that he is willing to humble himself in front of someone who, as far as he’s seen, has very little regard for him (slash has a good deal of animosity towards him). Giving himself over to Suki’s expertise costs him more in the animated show. But once he does, he and Suki learn and grow together. He shows Suki who he really is, shows her how dedicated and determined (and fun and a quick learner) he is, to the point that, by the end of the episode, she can allow herself to be vulnerable with him. And she does validate him in the original Kyoshi Warriors episode, just less directly than the LA. Her kiss on his cheek and “...but I’m a girl, too” is about forgiveness and acceptance and acknowledgement and respect, as much as or even more than it is about affection. There’s a little bit of romance, too, but it’s just little baby seeds of it, and it feels very natural to let those seeds germinate over time until we see Suki again later in the series. 

Which brings me to the live-action kiss. 

I’ll be honest, I was a little on the fence about the kiss. I want Sokka and Suki to kiss as much as possible in every conceivable universe. So there’s a part of me that was banging on the table and whistling with obscene joy. But the other part of me thought it was too much too soon. However, my hesitance pre-supposes some things about the second season (not least of which that there will be one), namely that it will handle the reunion with Suki and crossing the Serpent’s Pass anything like how it was done in the original. (Of course, one thing we now know for certain can't happen in a hypothetical LA season 2 is Suki pranking Sokka at the ferry station because he doesn't recognize her without her makeup. Do I love the expression on LA Sokka's face the first time he sees Suki's? Yes. Am I sad that this completely ruins their whole "You don't remember me? Maybe you'll remember this!" game? Also yes. But truthfully, I don't know if LA Suki would've been up to the prank, anyway. Not sassy enough. ;))

The Serpent’s Pass is one of my favorite episodes of all time, and that moment on the bluffs when Sokka and Suki are talking around Sokka’s loss, with the moon shining down on them all the while, and they almost kiss with the moon hanging between them in the background, and then Sokka pulls away without any other explanation besides, “I can’t”? That scene is so absurdly powerful and beautiful and an amazing moment of character development for them both, and I feel like it loses a lot of impact if they’ve already made out once. The fact that they kiss for the first time after that moonlit moment, when Sokka realizes that Suki doesn’t need protecting the way he thought she did, and in fact she was there to protect him, and he can finally just let go of this burden that he’s been carrying with him since Suki first mentioned she was joining them (slash since his dad put him in charge of an entire village at 13), and then and only then can he open his heart to what he feels for Suki, and in fact opens it so wide that he just cannot help but jam his mouth onto hers before she’s even finished talking…? I mean. C’mon. That’s poetry. But, again…loses impact if they’ve already had a first kiss.

But who knows what, if anything, they’ll actually do with that storyline. So for now, I’ll just enjoy my live-action Sukka kiss because, honestly, dream come true.    

Or almost a dream come true. Because there's a huge camelephant in the room that I haven't addressed yet, isn't there? The lack of Sokka in the Kyoshi Warrior uniform...

And I don’t think we can talk about the omission of Sokka’s Kyoshi Warrior uniform without talking about the omission of Sokka’s sexism. Because if Sokka isn’t sexist, then why do you have to put him in the dress and makeup of traditionally female warriors to make a point about how women are strong and capable, too? So here’s what I’ll say about that (and I know there’s a lot that people have said already, so I’ll try not to belabor the point.) I don’t think leaving out Sokka’s sexism was necessarily a detriment to his character arc. I do think, however, that leaving out Sokka’s sexism was a detriment to the message the show was trying to convey about sexism. 

Now, in the Northern Water Tribe episodes, the LA still gives us a message about fighting against the kind of systemic, institutionalized sexism that you might not be surprised to encounter within a very old-fashioned society or from a very old-fashioned gray-haired man. But what about the off-the-cuff, everyday kind of sexism that you might experience from an otherwise good person who is close to you? A person who loves you and would do anything for you but who gets carried away teasing you about “girly” things because of intrinsically-held biases that they’re not even that conscious of having? 

I think it’s important and meaningful for male and female audiences alike, and everyone in between, to see these different forms of sexism and misogyny—to see them, to recognize those behaviors in others and in ourselves, to be able to name them, and to have examples of fighting against them. We see the former kind—institutionalized, systemic—in Pakku. And we did see the latter kind—familiar, personal—in Sokka. And now that’s lost.

Not only that, but there’s the form of sexism that says boys aren’t allowed to do feminine things lest they relinquish their maleness. And in the animated show, we got to see Sokka combating this form of sexism, too. Not only does Suki show him that girls can be fierce warriors as well as boys, but he learns that wearing makeup and a dress does not make him any less of a young man.  

So, yes, I think the lack of Sokka in Kyoshi Warrior garb was a missed opportunity. And not just because Sokka looked really good in uniform and we all should have had the chance to see that, including and especially Suki. 

Alright, this is more than long enough, so I'll leave off with a moment from the LA that gave me great pleasure.

I needed this moment, y'all. And I was so afraid it wouldn't happen. I needed Sokka being protective, I needed him using his newfound Kyoshi Warrior skills to fight, and I needed him jumping in front of fire for the girl who'd taught him. If we couldn't have Sokka in the Kyoshi Warrior uniform, at least we had this.

[mxmeiyun]

(Kristina comes on around the 3:42 mark.)

Do you see the edits? "I do see the edits. I don't see all of them, but I've seen quite a few. Sometimes I watch these things and I'm like, I was there. I did the scene. I did the scene ten times. Why am I crying?"

When asked about the Mother Superion and Jillian ship: "God knows that, well. Both of them need somebody to love and to love them... Like Mommy, I mean mother, I mean."

"The saddest part is we don't know when we'll see each other again." 😭

Is Beatrice a tea or coffee person? "Tea. I feel she'll know how to prepare every single type of tea and she'll she'll be very anal about how to do that. And she'd probably yell at Ava for doing her tea wrong or whatever."

Is Beatrice really royalty? "No, I don't believe so."

On following ice hockey: "Yeah, the only thing you need to know is don't whack people with the stick no matter how much you want to."

On Beatrice's name: "Sally's gonna haunt me forever. I'll hear it in my dreams, softly whispering in my ear. Sally. Sally. I'll wake up in cold sweats, screaming."

About who's the big spoon: "I think they spoon interchangeably. Take that as you will."

Obviously you're aware of how much of an impact the character Beatrice has had on so many people. But how has she personally impacted you, and what have you taken away from her that you would like to bring to your own life? "Decorum." "I think there's a there's a sense of confidence, even if you are not. Confident in all of yourself, you can still be confident in the parts that you are secure in, and you know your skills. If you're not ready to be completely open and live your truth in full honesty, then it doesn't mean that you still can't have integrity and confidence and stand up for yourself. And integrity of character and belief in my skills that Beatrice has cultivated already, and that I definitely, when I started playing her, I was like, I am an imposter. I'm gonna get fired from the show immediately." "But like you get that feeling when you go to work or whatever. You go to school. You're like, I do not know any of the things that I know and then you slowly start to realize that you do know, and then you're like, OK, I can hold on to that and make that my my backbone for now until I'm ready to face all the other things that I know to be true about myself, but I'm not ready to project into the world or or represent in the in openly in the world."

If you could spend a day with any of the characters, who would it be and why? "I think I'd have a pretty good time with Ava."

Do you think you're more like Ava or Beatrice? "It just kind of depends on the situation. I feel like if you just talk to me and we're like really good friends for a long time, I might come off more like Ava. But I feel like if I'm not really that close to you, I might come off more as a Beatrice."

How are you taking care of yourself in light of today's news? "Well, first of all, thank you. I'm doing fine. I am in therapy. Therapy great, guys." "It certainly feels like a massive hit to the community, and to us, as well. It's important to take those feelings that are coming up now and try to cultivate them into how you can- I'm just speaking for myself, I can't speak for anybody else- but for me it's about how can I turn these feelings into something useful for me going forward rather than languishing in it for too long. Obviously, your feelings are valid and should be felt to their fullest extent, but don't let them consume you, because then that's not doing anyone service." "Someone taught me a method in acting school, my improv teacher, and he said, 'Whenever something bad happens in your life, pretend you're going into this helicopter. The further up you go in that helicopter, the smaller the problem is, the more you can see around you and the more you can see how that problem does or does not affect everything else around your helicopter. And put into context of how you can affect change positively once you come back to the ground, once you're in the midst of it rather than staying too close to the to the issue at hand and and not actually realizing all the other things that are going on." "I think that's that thinking has helped me a lot whenever something kind of goes wrong or things are not going the way I want them to. But take time for self-care. That's like the most important. If you feel like things are overwhelming then it's always important to look at the things to reprioritize um and always prioritize yourself. Spend your own health and your own wellbeing." "Because anything in life, even if it seems like a little thing like this show got cancelled and now you're upset, you know it might seem to some people like a little thing, but their opinion is not a priority. Your wellbeing is a priority, so always keep that in mind." "And HYDRATE."

Responding to a comment about Beatrice really resonating with a lot of fans and praise of her performance, time, and energy: "Thank you... Beatrice launched my career so she's one that i'm definitely going to hold to heart for many many years to come."

Reflecting on her increased visibility: "You know, at this point, it's not a burden. At this point, I can do this with you guys and it's completely fine. It's the same thing with anything; when something new starts happening, you learn to deal with it and where your boundaries are. I've been so lucky that you guys are all so respectful, and I really, really appreciate that from all of you. It's definitely not the norm for every fandom, so it's incredibly special what you have made this to be. So I commend all of you and I'm so grateful."

Were you shocked by the broad reach of the show, or was it something you anticipated? "Definitely. I was surprised when the first season came out, it was so globally successful. I mean, that just goes to show that some subject matter is felt all around the world. And a beauty of Warrior Nun is that there are so many characters everywhere around the world you can definitely find one that you can root for."

Responding to one fan whose wife has recently passed, and with whom she watched the show with love: "Oh my God, you're gonna make me cry. First of all, so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine how that must be, and I applaud your courage. Thank you. I'm glad this show can be a good memory for you guys and continuing forward. That there's something you can always remember with a warm heart."

Responding to love from Brazil: "I fear if I ever go to Brazil."

"Fear not the bowl of rice, 'tis but a bowl of rice."

Responding to one of the APOP producers wanting to make sure none of their tweets made her uncomfortable: "I'm, like, fully aware of what I've gotten myself into." Do you see all those, Christina? Like, I know there's a joke that you have a burner account, but. "No, I don't. This is my only account."

"I feel like if the pope joins this conversation, he'll no longer be able to call himself His Holiness." Did you see the Warrior Nun stan that recommended the show to the Pope? "No?! Nice... Yeah, somebody just has to tell him to skip that episode, you know?"

*Records an alarm sound for a fan named Janina with increasing intensity*

Wait, Kristina, can you say gay rights? "Wait, what about it?" Just the phrase. "Gay rights." *awkward cheers* "Really lukewarm cheers from the crowd."

Kristina, to Ange Hall: "Well, actually, and I have a question for you. Tell me again, what was the progression of the dickwaffle conversation?" "I feel like Netflix being harassed by penis waffles- someone needs to draw the art of." "Make it rain dickwaffles. No, I mean, obviously, do it respectfully. But like, respectfully make it rain dickwaffles. For legal reasons this is completely a joke. But also, you can't really get mad at dickwaffles. Like, come on."

[markantonys]

i was looking at your latest gifset and realised why cauthor is such an amazing ship. mat needs someone who has his back in the way rand does. all the years of his parents and everyone else telling him he's no good, he'll never amount to anything - that kinda stuff sinks in until eventually you start to believe it yourself. and i'm not saying mat doesn't have any flaws of course, but I think some of the time his actions are dictated by what he believes about himself, that he really isn't worth it.

but rand - he's been mat's protector from day one, hasn't he? always in his corner, always defending him and letting mat know without equivocation that he is worth it, that he is a good person who deserves love and a second chance. and that was even before the whole dragon reborn thing came into play. when mat said at the start, "don't stay up-mountain too long" rand answered, "i won't". he won't stay up too long because he misses mat and knows mat needs him too. is it any wonder even ishamael shipped them?

THIS!!!!!! all of this, i'm weeping!!!! i remember in the wait between seasons i was going "oh man the cauthor reunion will be so angsty, rand will be so hurt over mat having stayed behind at the waygate!" but then we got to the actual reunion and it turned out i'd sorely underestimated rand's love for mat! rand is nothing but happy to see mat again, he gives him 100% unconditional love and understanding without bringing up the waygate incident at all, except for taking a moment to tell mat that they aren't better off without him. because he knows mat well enough to guess that the reason he stayed behind might've been that he thought the gang was better off without him, and he loves mat enough to believe this IS the reason rather than supposing something less charitable like selfishness or cowardice. and rand himself, for the first time in his life, has been struggling with feeling his loved ones are better off without him ever since the eye of the world, and this has given him new empathy for and new insight into how mat has felt for his ENTIRE life.

i know that "i'll take care of you" "it's rotten work" "not to me, not if it's you" has become a meme at this point, but it truly is the perfect descriptor of the cauthor dynamic! and on both ends too, since in s2 we see mat starting to be protective of rand and take care of him too now that rand's getting his own share of Issues. mat also assures rand that they aren't better off without him, after all! their lil amateur therapy session in cairhien is so perfect because they are both so well-positioned to understand the internal issues the other is currently dealing with, because it's similar to their own issues. and they each have their own way of showing care, and it just so happens to be perfectly suited to what the other needs; rand is very earnest and vocal in telling mat he's a good person, which is what mat needs to counteract all the fears that have been driven into him since childhood about being worthless, and meanwhile mat takes care of rand by teasing him and joking around and making him smile, which is what rand needs to lighten the burden of being TDR for a while. no wonder ishamael ships them, indeed! he is not immune to homoerotic devotion!

also, what really gets me is that mat didn't get to witness rand's passionate defenses of him in fal dara! nynaeve, you better have been recording the fight on your phone so you can show it to mat, he Needs To Know just how well rand continues to speak of him even when he isn't around. there probably won't be time for it in s3, but i would love a scene where egwene and mat talk for the first time after the great waygate abandonment, and mat's apologizing and egwene's like "well i was pretty mad at you at the time but we're cool now" and mat asks if rand was mad at him too, because he needs to know if he hurt rand but knows rand won't admit if he did because he'd want to spare mat's feelings, and egwene tells mat that rand was not mad at him and in fact defended him tooth and nail against everyone else, and mat's like 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 trying not to cry, and egwene's internally like "oh my god can you two just make out already". this scene happens between 2x08 and 3x01 in my heart!