#please bring her back in future episodes!!!

[tinkerbitch69]

Ruby’s band in the new dw special just casually having a Transfemme lead singer just mmmm….

Yes!

Like sure she’s only a bit part and that kinda sucks but the fact she’s just there casually because RTD has the balls to depict a world where trans people can just exist casually, just…

Yes, yes, yes. More please. It means so much to just SEE people like myself on my favourite show you have no idea. I hope she becomes a regular supporting character.

[queenendless]

🌅Dawn (Adult!SatoSugu x Adult!Fem!Reader)🌅

A/N: Wholesome fluffy lovey dovey pillow talk kinda mornings with these two. I am miffed there is no character audio with these two x listener anywhere, talk about injustice! Well this is my take on it and imma do more in the future!

*11/22/23 - I consider this oneshot part of the teacher!AU. Sorry for that abrupt decision!

Yo, this week's episode ... insane~ This season actually is insane so.

All credit for JJK and its characters goes to Gege.

* Please DON'T plagarize, translate, or repost my FANFIC content. Reblog, like, and follow instead.

Enjoy.

A deep rumbling groan parted the lips belonging to the snowy haired man face first in his pillow on one side of the bed that was moving too much to his liking.

"Who's rocking the bed this early?" Even in sleepiness, he had to slip in an innuendo.

A groggy yawn fell from the lips of his raven long haired partner on the opposite side of the bed, tiredly jabbing. "You would be my immediate guess."

The rustle of sheets and the sensation of a smaller warm form brushing in between them brought them both more attentively out of their drowsy state. Gojo looked over his shoulder to see something moving downwards to the bed's end. A curly grin surfaced on his face. "Hmm …"

His shadow loomed over the anxious form hidden beneath. "Well, well, well~" His hands stretched out and his fingers wiggled. "What have we here~?"

His fingers striking their form had familiar giggles spilling out, bringing a snicker out of him. "Suguru~ Someone's down here~"

Said man rolled over on his back, resting his arms behind his head, watching with tired amusement at his best friend tickling the certain someone hidden through their sheets. "Oh~?"

"A sneaky little cutie was trying to slip out whilst we were sleeping~" Gojo’s evil low laugh spelled doom.

Gojo pulled the sheets up enough to slip underneath, resulting in a fit of laughter from both parties hidden, as he went back to gentle tickling. Limbs squirmed and jostled underneath followed by streams of intermingling laughter as they kept bumping into Geto's thighs. "H-Hey!"

Feeling a smaller body drape over his lap startled Geto enough to pull off the sheets to see what the heck was going on.

Seeing you tug down his low hanging sweatpants enough for you to gingerly kiss his two small beauty marks on his right hip so affectionately made Geto’s heart pitter patter rapidly.

“Sugu, please tell Toru to sta – AAHP~!" You broke out into a squeal, kicking your legs to push Gojo off but that only made him tickle you more. "Mehehehercy~!"

"Hey! No sucking up to him, missy!" Gojo jested, sliding his hands under your top, wiggling his digits into your sides deeply enough to bring out more chortling squeals.

"Hang on, Satoru~ At least let her breathe so she can make a case in her defense." Geto grabbed Gojo's persistent hands to get you free enough to breathe in thankful takes of oxygen, hugging Geto while keeping nervous eyes and an accusing finger pointed at the cat eyed miscreant.

"I promised Nanami I would go out and help him with some errands. Haibara is stuck sick at their place so it seemed only right to help them out." You defended.

"Oh, I'm sure Yu would rather be in the darling company of his Nanamin~" Gojo crawled over, nuzzling your cheek, cheekily grinning up at you as he rested his noggin on your shoulder.

"Which is why I gotta get ready and – EEP!" Your attempt at pulling away from their difficult comforting hold and getting out of bed were cut in half as their two tall heavy bodies toppled over on you, pushing you down to lay on your stomach.

"Have you forgotten you woke us up?" Satoru drawled, his cheery tone barely coating his irritation, as his hands squeezed your sensitive sides.

"Hehehey~!" Your hopeless tussle to squirm away was getting fruitless quickly.

"And you tried sneaking out with our backs turned?" Suguru added, his calm smile underlined with inner deviousness.

Satoru dramatically exclaimed. "Just to be in the company of another man – !"

"Hey, Nanami-san is our collective friend, and I gave my word to help – mmph~!" You were cut off as you were flipped to lay on your back just so Satoru could smooch you, all sloppily and deeply, his tongue brushing yours in the messy lip lock.

"It's not fair! We should spend every morning together as much as possible!" Those puffed up cheeks of his made your resolve falter.

"We do! But one day alone ain't gonna kill you two. I mean, I'm flattered for being so deeply needed but – mmh~!" Suguru's sculpted hand weaved through your locks, cradling your noggin, just to pull you close enough to languidly French kiss you, drawing pleased sighs outta you while Satoru licked and nipped your arching neck like the human cat that he is.

"We'd rather you stay here. For much … much … longer." Suguru's bedroom eyes are so palpable. His lulling, rich voice is so tempting.

"We want our sweet, darling angel to stay here." Satoru nuzzled his face in between your clothed bosoms, fluttering those long white eyelashes at you. "To cuddle, to kiss, to enrapture." His own addictive voice has you shivering in anticipation.

Their eyes are hypnotizing. Their combined scents are invigorating. The strongest duo have you hook, line, and sinker.

You sigh, conceding but floating on enamored air. "I'll meet up with Nanami later this afternoon. Fair enough?"

Their velvety beautiful faces beamed with pride and joy as they planted a kiss on either end of your lips. "Wifey~!"

"Clingy giants." You mushed out.

"We heard that." They grumbled in unison.

"Kinda the point~" Your teasing earned you a restless half hour spent feeling their ticklish butterfly kisses pepper your face, neck, and ears and turning you into a squirmy giggling mess. Your spasming legs got stuck entangled in theirs as their hands roamed your body, wiggling into your thighs, your hips, your sides. "Stahahahahahap~! Plehehehehease~!"

"God, I should use Infinite Void to keep us in this moment~" Satoru's nose pressed into your collarbone, smiling into your cherished skin.

"Perhaps." Suguru's freed raven bangs tickled your nose, aweing at the sneeze it elicited out of you, smooching your nose as an apology. "Bless you."

"Wait, rewind! You're gonna do what — MMM~!" Their hearts throbbed for their indulgence of you, stopping their tickling, preferring to smother your face in their snug fitting chests. "I made a huge mistake!" Your muffled dramatic cries had them laughing tiredly.

Eventually, everything prior had worn you three out enough to settle you down, draping the bed comforter back over yourselves, their intertwined arms keeping you cocooned and them grounded.

Even when slipping in and out of consciousness, seeing your tranquil, content face nestled in between them had them sagging in relief at how they were able to keep you around for longer.

Laxing but still snug as a bug, you were lulled by their soft breathing and their grounding coziness.

Even special grade sorcerers slash teachers need to unwind and relax. In their own little hideaway.

And having you there made it all complete.

The beams of sunshine trickled through the curtains, painting the bedroom in golden hues, as dawn became the setting of you guys' dream where three become one.

[081314]

Book 7: The Ruler of the Abyss – Chapter 5 (Part 3)

Following is part 3 of my translation of Chapter 5 of Book 7: The Ruler of the Abyss. This part contains episodes 7-78 to 7-82.

Main storyline spoilers after the cut!!

Episode 7-78

Silver: …Ugh… Where are we?

Yuu: It’s pitch black in here. I can’t see a thing…

Baul: What, have your eyes not adjusted to the darkness yet? At any rate, it seems we got dragged down into the waterways beneath the castle.

Lilia: Damn that woman! Oi, Baul! You take the egg. I’m going back up there! ….Augh!

Baul: General, your wound!

Lilia: Haaah, haaah… Please, just let me go. I need to. Or else my whole life will have been for…!

Baul: Dammit….! …If you go back up there with that kind of wound, the enemy will take you out in one hit. You’d just be a hindrance, like the princess said. And don’t forget, the Draconia family’s royal decrees are absolute for us Guardsmen. She said earlier her lightning would be the enemy’s final judgement, and if you defy her and go back now, it’d be yours, too.

Lilia: Fine! Then I quit the Guard! I’m used to her stupid lightning, I don’t care.

Baul: You need to compose yourself! The future of our nation rests within that egg you’re holding! He’s our king!

Lilia: …!

Baul: We need to protect the heir and deliver him to Black Scale Castle! And we need to have faith in Princess Meleanor - we need to trust she’ll defeat the Knight of Dawn and make it back safely. Her Highness is far stronger than all of us put together. Weren’t you yourself boasting about that earlier, General!? The heir can’t even defend himself right now, let alone walk. And the only person he can depend on right now… is you, General. Only you. …Please, you're just going to have to bear with it!

Lilia: Aaah, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!!!

(Lilia slowly breathes in and breathes out, then he puts on his mask)

Lilia: ….Fine, let’s get going then. We have to make sure this egg gets to Black Scale Castle. We need to… We need to carry out Lady Meleanor’s decree.

Everyone: Yes, sir!

Henrik: !! There she is! It’s Meleanor!

Knight of Dawn: …The weather… It’s changing!

Meleanor: My, my…. We have Henrik of the Silver Owls, the Knight of Dawn… And the rabble from the surrounding nations…. What a quaint little gathering.

Henrik: Since you came out here all by yourself… That means you’ve accepted our challenge, I take it? You’ll duel the Knight of Dawn, one-on-one?

Meleanor: A duel? You expect me to duel him? Fu fu fu… Aaah ha ha hah! And why on earth would I follow your ridiculous little rules? You invaded our lands, you’ve been laying waste to our forests and our rivers… And now you’re demanding our castle and the Princess Glow? You best keep your arrogance in check… humans! My lightning shall be your judgement, you avaricious buffoons! I can’t wait to see you all writhing around in pain, wallowing in regret of your defiance!

Henrik: Hmm! And here I was being so kind… She’s really not the cooperative type, huh. …Heh heh heh. Everything’s going exactly as planned. That vile, hotheaded witch let her anger get the best of her and now she went and threw the first punch. Dragon schmagon, she’ll never be able to take on an army this size! And we got the Knight of Dawn with us, too. Now go, Knight of Dawn! Defeat that evil tyrant and bring peace upon these lands!

Knight of Dawn: ….Please, Fairy Guardians… Lend me your strength!

Meleanor: I will annihilate… Each and every one of you fools!

(A battle starts between Meleanor and the Silver Owl, and she ultimately strikes the Knight of Dawn and blasts him away)

Episode 7-79

Sebek: Huh? What was that noise!?

Lilia: Lady Meleanor must be showing off up there. We need to hurry before this place caves in!

(Something crashes to the floor)

Everyone: Uwaaah!?

Silver: Augh…. Yuu, are you okay?

Yuu: Y-Yeah, it just barely missed me…         

Grim: What gives? A buncha rocks just came crashin’ down outta nowhere…

Sebek: Ah- Look up there! There’s a massive hole in the ceiling!

Lilia: Shit! Now the waterway’s blocked. We’ll have to go back up to the surface for now… What the-!

(Something crashes to the floor)

Baul: What was that!? Something just came flying in here!

???: Ugh…!

Everyone: !!!!

Silver: White armor and golden hair… It’s…!

Lilia: You’re… The Knight of Dawn!

Baul: Did one of Princess Meleanor’s attacks blast him all the way down here!?

Knight of Dawn: Argh…! …You’re… Wait! …That huge magical stone weapon, that bat mask… Are you Vanrouge!? The Land of Briar’s General of the Right!? And that egg, could it be…!?

Lilia: Kishaaaa!

Baul: Please get behind me, General! I’ll handle him!

(Meleanor roars)

Grim: Yikes! The ground’s shakin’ again!

Sebek: T-The ceiling’s breaking apart!

Lilia: Shit…!!

Baul: The General and the heir are going to get hit!

Silver: Oh, no…. Father! Lord Malleus!

Silver: W-Wait… That auroral light… That’s-!?

Knight of Dawn: Fairy Guardians… Lend me your strength! Haaaaaa!

(The Knight of Dawn cuts through the rubble that was going to land on Lilia)

Lilia: Ack…!

Knight of Dawn: Easy now. Is the egg okay!?

Lilia: The Knight of… Dawn…? But why… Why did you save me?

Knight of Dawn: ……

Baul: Look! The Knight’s helmet is starting to crack…

Everyone: !!!

Episode 7-80

Sebek: H-His face, it’s…!?

Silver: ……..!!

Grim: The heck’s goin’ on!? Silver and the Knight of Dawn look like friggin’ doppelgangers!

(Silver and the Knight’s rings start to resonate)

Yuu: And they both have the same ring!?

Knight of Dawn: This ring was bequeathed to me by my Fairy Guardians when I was a child. It’s supposed to be the only one of its kind in existence. Who in the world are you?

Silver: I’m… I’m…!

(Meleanor roars)

Knight of Dawn: Doesn’t look like we’ll have time to talk. Lord Henrik is after that egg. You need to get out of here before someone finds you! Hurry! Haaaaa!!

(The Knight of Dawn teleports away)

Baul: …Damnit. Why did he help us like that, he’s our enemy… What the hell was he thinking!?

Lilia: …It doesn’t matter, we have to keep moving! We need to get to the forest before they find us!

Sebek: Silver, cease with your dawdling and hurry up! ….Silver?

Silver: His face… That ring…!

Lilia: Long ago, when I found you when you were just a baby, you had that ring tied around your neck.

Lilia: Look at the jewel on this ring, Silver. It looks just like your eyes: aurora-colored, and marred not by a single speck. I’m certain the reason your parents entrusted this ring with you is because they hoped and they prayed that just like how this jewel here shines bright and true, their child’s eyes would never become clouded with sorrow.

Silver: Haaah, haaah….! No… No, it can’t be… My birth family, they’re… The Silver Owl and the Knight of Dawn are my... my…! No, that’s not true… THAT’S NOT TRUUUUE!

(The Darkness appears)

Baul: !? What the hell are these things!?

Grim: What the- I never seen so many of ‘em pop up at once before!

Sebek: Damnit… Is Silver’s emotional state drawing them here? You must stay strong, Silver! SILVEEER!

Lilia: They swallowed up Silver! Seriously, what the hell are these things!?

Sebek: Sir Baul! Sir Lilia! This is our fight! Please, make haste to the forest without us! We’ll regroup with you later, together with Silver!

Baul: But-!

Sebek: We’ll be alright. Hurry!

Lilia: Damnit…!

(Lilia and Baul run ahead)

Grim: This ain’t lookin’ good! The Darkness got us completely surrounded!

Sebek: We must extricate Silver! Yuu, Grim, help me!

Sebek: Damnit. No matter how many times we cut them down, they spring right back up!

Grim: We’re done foooooor!

Yuu: The Darkness is dragging us in!

Episode 7-80

Silver: Father, did you know? Did you know this ring once belonged to the Knight of Dawn... That man is this country’s enemy, he’s father’s enemy… The enemy of Lord Malleus’s parents… And I’m.. I’m their enemy’s…! .… *sobs*

Silver: ……

(A baby cries in the distance)

Silver: …Is someone… crying...? But who …?

Silver: ….Where am I?

Lilia: How long has it been since I was last here…? Three- No, four hundred years? Thanks everyone finally signing those peace accords, we can all visit the Verdant Moors again. …It’s truly been a long time coming. A long, long time.

Silver: That voice… Is it father?

Lilia: The rumors swirling around this place claim you’ll be cursed if you step foot inside Briar Castle… There is just the faintest trace of magic lingering about, the remnants of a spell cast by diurnal fae long ago. Maybe they were trying to ward people away from this land.

Silver: Can father not… see me? Maybe this is… Maybe I’m seeing one of his memories…?

(A baby cries in the distance)

Lilia: That sound… Is there a baby here somewhere? Sounds like it’s coming from the throne room. Guess I’ll go take a look see.

Lilia: A baby? And a human one at that! Why in the world is it here? …! That ring…

Silver: No way… Is that baby… Me…? No, it’s can’t be… the hair color’s completely different from mine. But his… His eyes are… Maybe it really is me…

Lilia: Hair as golden as the sunlight, and that ring… Could it be you’re… you’re the Knight of Dawn’s…? No, that’s impossible. As soon as Henrik overtook the castle, the humans started fighting over who’d get claim of the land and its natural resources. And the Knight of Dawn and his wife Leia didn’t make it through all that chaos… …Little cradle, I’m going to have you show me some of your memories. “Life is but a fleeting day, distance but an illusion.” *Far Cry Cradle.

Silver: That spell… This is father’s unique magic. I think he told me before it lets him view some of the memories imbued in objects…

(*This is what he says out loud. In the text, he says “To that cradle, far, far away”)

Red Fairy: Oh, no. The enemy’s closing in on us. Now that the Knight of Dawn - our esteemed Prince Consort - has passed away, the castle is bound to fall. We very well may be witnessing the final moments of the “Kingdom of Swords”…  Queen Leah, please, you must get away from here! Quickly! We’ll protect the prince.

Blue Fairy: Now then, dear prince. You’re going to take a nice little nap for us, okay? Just until all this awful fighting is over.

Green Fairy: You’ll be alright. This ring will strengthen our magic, and until the spell is broken, you’ll remain in that precious little form of yours while you sleep. And you’ll dream only the happiest of dreams. For ten years, a hundred years…

Blue Fairy: That’s right… And once someone who loves you from the very bottom of their heart appears… The spell will be broken, and you will awaken, dear prince.

Red Fairy: You’ll awaken in a peaceful world, one free from warfare and strife…

Lilia: …I see. So your parents and your fairy guardians protected you from all that turmoil. And ever since your people’s nation fell to ruin, you’ve been sitting here all alone in your cradle, waiting for someone who truly loves you. The spell must’ve broken on its own after all this time, I suppose.

(The baby cries)

Lilia: ….You’re the Knight of Dawn’s child… the child of Levan and Meleanor’s enemy… I’ll finally put an end to this… I’ll put an end to this here and now…!

Silver: …………!

Lilia: ……….*sighs* I wouldn’t be able to face Malleus again if I did something like that. If I’m going to keep preaching to him about how he needs to love humans… and how he needs to connect with others, then I’ll have to do the same. Besides… If the Knight of Dawn hadn’t helped us that day, I could’ve lost Malleus. I wonder… Can I really love a human…?

Silver: Please stop it, father. I’m not… I’m not deserving of your love.

(The baby cries)

Silver: STOP IT! STOP CRYING! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CRY!

Lilia: There, there… You’re okay. For such a little guy, you did a great job dealing with being alone for all these years. Okay, come here…

(Lilia picks up the baby)

Lilia: Kufufu, you’re a little chunker. Ahh, this brings me back to when Malleus hatched. It feels like it was just yesterday. …So fae aren’t the only ones who’d give up their lives for their children. We’re alike with humans in that regard, I suppose. …Child of Dawn, today shall be your new birthday. And as such… I shall give you a blessing… The Night’s Blessing upon Ye.

(The baby’s hair changes color from gold to silver)

Silver: ! …. My hair, it’s…

Lilia: Hm? Your hair changed color… Ah, so maybe the Dawn of Knight really was blessed by Diurnal fae to have hair as golden as sunlight. And with *my blessing, now your hair’s as silver as moonlight. Well, it’s all for the best, really. A golden-haired human would stick out quite a bit in Briar Valley.

(The baby coos)

Lilia: Kufufu. You all tuckered out from crying? Let’s see, your name is… I don’t see it written anywhere on the cradle or the ring. …Hmm… Moonlight…. Silver… Wait, that’s it! Silver! From now on, your name will be Silver. Just as the moon’s light cuts through even the deepest darkness, may her silver radiance always light your way.

Silver: I can’t believe it… So my real parents are… The Knight of Dawn and Queen Leah…? But that’s…. Why…. Why are you showing me all this….

(*out loud he says “my”, in the text he says “a follower of the night’s”)

Silver: Leave me alone! Where are you trying to drag me to now? Please, just leave me alone already…

Silver: …I know this place… I know that house. This is where father and I lived, out in the forest.

Lilia: Now sleep, sleep, my beloved child

I pray you’ll walk towards that light

That light that will guide you in your dreams…

Silver: That song… Father would sing that lullaby to me all the time when I was little…

(Someone knocks at the door)

Malleus: Lilia, I’m coming in.

Silver: !!! Lord Malleus…!?

Malleus: The forest fae have been all a twitter lately. They said you found a human infant somewhere…

Lilia: Shhhhh! I finally got him to sleep. Please, keep your voice down.

Malleus: …What is that? It looks like a hairless simian.

Lilia: He’s the baby in question, and his name is Silver. So, what do you think? Isn’t he just adorable?

Malleus: Adorable? This thing…?

Lilia: You stopped by in the nick of time, I was just about to go do some shopping. Could you look after Silver while I’m gone? It’ll only be a minute.

Malleus: What? You want me to… look after this thing?

Lilia: Apparently, human babies don’t take to flower nectar. They’re not like fae; I read they need something called “powdered milk”. Though, I can’t fathom what it’s possibly supposed to be. I mean, how can something be both powder and milk…? At any rate, it’s not something I’ll be able to find around these parts. I’ll need to go someplace that sells human products.

Malleus: W-Wait, Lilia! This little creature will shatter if I touch it.

Lilia: Oh, you’ll be fine. If he starts crying again, just rub him a bit and sing him a lullaby, he’ll be out like a light. I’ll be right back. I’m counting on you!

(Lilia departs)

Malleus: Oi! Lilia!

(Baby Silver wakes up)

Malleus: Ahh, drat. Are you awake?

(Baby Silver starts crying)

Malleus: Ugh…. That wail is utterly vexing. So I just need to sing you a lullaby and you’ll fall back asleep, was it? As if I even know a single lullaby…

(Baby Silver keeps crying)

Malleus: …No, wait…. I do know one.

(Malleus starts humming)

(Baby Silver stops crying and falls back asleep)

Malleus: …It worked, he really did fall back asleep. …*sighs* Lilia, please hurry. I do wonder where I learned that lullaby from, though. I can’t quite seem to recall… Perhaps one of my wetnurses sang it to me when I was little?

Silver: …Lord Malleus…

Malleus: Lilia, where did you find Silver, anyways?

Lilia: Oh, I found him when I was taking a stroll through the forest one night.

Malleus: Magical beasts and other foul creatures roam these forests at night. What on earth were you doing out there…?

Lilia: I’m telling you, it was all just happenstance. And it’s not like I could’ve just left him there.

Malleus: You should’ve just dropped him off with some humans and be done with it.

Lilia: …There’s this one thing you father Levan would often say: we fae need to know humans better, and we need the humans to know us better. He’s the one who took the initiative to study a communal language we could use to speak with the humans, you know. And the one who taught it to all of us.

Malleus: …….

Lilia: I want to learn more about humans through Silver here. And there’s… something I want to find out… I want to see if I really can love a human from the bottom of my heart.

Malleus: And if you cannot love him?

Lilia: …Hold your horses, we have still have plenty of time.

Silver: This is… We’re back at the old house… Please, I don’t want to look at this anymore… Why are you showing me this…

Lilia: Here, Silver. Open wide!

(Baby Silver babbles)

Lilia: All I’ve been feeding him so far is milk and a bunch of mushy grains and vegetables I boiled. Is this really alright? I don’t see how he’s supposed to grow just eating all this.

Malleus: That book on human rearing methods said this will suffice. And as we’re fae, and this is a human, we best just adhere to its suggestions.

Lilia: Yeah, but you’d eat a mountain of fish and meat and whatnot when you were a tyke…

Malleus: Yes, because I’m a dragon. Don’t lump me together with feeble little humans.

Lilia: Babies cry when they’re hungry and they sleep when they’re full, and that’s the same regardless if it’s a baby human or a baby dragon.

Malleus: ……*sigh*

Lilia: Oh, he wiped his plate clean! Was that yummy, Silver?

(Baby Silver coos, and Lilia pats him on the head)

Lilia: You’re such a good boy! I want you to eat lots, get plenty of rest, and grow up big and strong, okay? At any rate, don’t you get bored eating the same old thing every day? Maybe I should start spicing things up a bit…  I could throw in some armored rat meat and black newt flakes next time! They’re said to be highly nutritious, you know.

Malleus: …Don’t even think about it. For the time being, I’ll have provisions delivered to you from the castle, and you can use them to make baby food. I’m a bit concerned leaving him alone in your care.

Lilia: Oh? Has mister “I hate humans!” had a change of heart?

Malleus: You’d be upset if the baby’s health were to decline, no?

Lilia: …You’re so sweet, Malleus.

Silver: ………..Father, Lord Malleus…. I…. *sobs*

(the Darkness appears)

Silver: You just keep showing up again and again… Get away from me.

Lilia: Malleus, come look! Silver's standing on his own!

Malleus: What, already? It takes around 30 years for infant fae to do that. And though they say I was early to walk, it still took me a good 20 years before I learned to shift into my 2-legged form. Humans truly do grow at an astounding rate.

Lilia: Kufufu. Perhaps we fae simply take things a smidge too easy. At this rate, it feels like he's going to grow up on us in the blink of an eye.

Lilia: "And so the little fox said, "Daddy, I'm going to the river.""

Young Silver: Da... ?

Lilia: !! Did you... talk? Silver, did you talk just now?

Young Silver: Da da.

Lilia: No, I'm not your father…

Young Silver: Da... Da da!

Lilia: Hm... Well, it'd probably be better to tell you when you're a little older. ...That's right, I'm Dada.

Young Silver: Daaaaddy! Daaaddy!

Lilia: I’m over here, Silver. What’s all the hubbub?

Young Silver: Daddy, look at this!

Lilia: My, what a lovely acorn bracelet! It’s nice and big, and it’s so well made! The acorns are so shiny, too… Are you a little acorn-gathering expert?

Young Silver: *giggles* The squirrels gathered the acorns with me. And the woodpeckers helped me thread them together… This is for you, daddy.

Lilia: For me?

Young Silver: The fae living in the oak trees told me if you have a lucky charm made from acorns, then you’ll live a long and healthy life. Daddy, I want you to be healthy forever. And I want us to be together foreeeever and ever.

Lilia: …So you’re praying for me to have a long life, huh. You, a human…

Young Silver: Daddy? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?

Lilia: …I’m fine. Come here.

Young Silver: Daddy, don’t hug me so tight! It hurts. *giggles*

Lilia: This is the greatest gift I could ever ask for. As long as I have this charm with me, I bet I’ll be able to live for another thousand years. Thank you.

Young Silver: …I love you, daddy.

Lilia: I love you, too.

Silver: That’s the acorn bracelet I found when I was cleaning up father’s room back at school…! So I was the one who gave it to him. I’d completely forgotten….

Lilia: That bracelet was bestowed to me a long time ago, and it’s my most prized possession. I couldn’t imagine ever throwing it away. Why, even Malleus is jealous I’ve got it!

Silver: It’s just a bunch of old, rotten acorns, of course they aren’t worth anything. So why… Why would you lie like that…

Lilia: Silver! Silver, where are you!?I can’t believe he ran off like that. Was he really that shocked? I’d presumed he would’ve noticed a long time ago we weren’t related, but... No, I was the one who’d always kept things vague. Maybe I was just too scared to tell him the truth and see his sad little face… When did I get so… At any rate, I need to focus on finding him ASAP.  Silver! Silver, answer me!

Silver: My whole life, I believed that even though we weren’t related, I would always be your son. But I don’t… I don’t deserve to call myself your son anymore. There’s no way you could truly love me… There’s no way you could love a child of the Silver Owl – of the Knight of Dawn! There’s no way… you could love me… *sobs*

Episode 7-82

Silver: I can’t.. go on anymore… I don’t want to…

(Silver falls to the ground)

Silver: I’m so sorry, father…. Lord Malleus. I always dreamt of becoming a knight who could protect you two. But now I’ll never… I’ll never…

???: So this is where you were.

Silver: That voice…

Lilia: I finally found you – Knight of Dawn!

Silver: Huh? No, I’m… ..What!?

Silver: I look like- What’s going on…

Lilia: You’ll pay for what you did to Meleanor and Levan! I’m ending this, now…!

Silver: Father, I’m…!

Lilia: You've no right to call me “Father”, human!!

(Lilia and Silver fight)

Lilia: Dammit… I can see why people call you the Silver Owl’s top dog. But we're not done yet!

Silver: Please, stop! I don’t… I don’t want to fight you! I promise, I won’t show my face to you ever again! So please…!

Lilia: Save your breath! We can’t turn back time… it’s too late! Haaaaa!

(Lilia knocks over Silver)

Silver: Augh!!

Lilia: Give Meleanor and Levan my regards! Hahaha… Ahahahaha!

(The Darkness appears and envelops Lilia and Silver)

Silver: Father faded away. He must’ve just been another part of the Darkness that my heart created… He was just a… nightmare…

The Darkness: Gugugugu!

Silver: ….I’m so tired... Darkness, please. Please just drag me down into an even deeper sleep, one I’ll never wake up from…

???:  …Get up…

Silver: That voice…

???: You need to get up.

Silver: ...Father...?

Lilia: It’s okay if you need to run away. It’s okay if you need to break the rules and play dirty. But no matter what you do, you can’t give up on life. Get up, Silver! Plant your feet on the ground and get up!

Silver: ...Augh…!

(Silver rises to his feet and cuts away the Darkness)

Silver: Haaa, haaa….

Lilia: Attaboy, Silver…

Silver: Is his voice just another illusion trying to trick me…? What should I do…?

Part 1

Part 2

Part 4

[thiccc110q]

The Night We Met…. (Jean Kirstein x Reader)

SPOILERS FOR THE LAST EPISODE!!! ANGST! DEATH MENTIONED.Hey y’all, this is my first time writing in tumblr! Hopefully y’all like this!!! And please give any tips and ideas! Also, is femreader (she/her pronouns) Also this is inspired by “The NIght We Met” by Lord Huron.

The Rumbling…

Everyone was scared, terrified, hopeless, even…. broken.

Y/n has been part of the scouts going way back, since the incident of wall Maria. But even before, she knew mostly everyone in her group, Connie, Sasha, and Jean…

Reason why she knew them was because it was the first day of training and she had no partner. So, Shadis instead put her with Jean.

He was fumbling with his words but also being cocky as well. Underestimating you.

So when it was time to tackle each other, he was caught be surprise how you brought him down in the matter of seconds.

He looked up in pain but fought it over with a cockily smile, “What’s your name again?”

“None of your business you horse” You glared at him and left him there.

“HEY!!! ARENT YOU GOING TO HELP?!”

With that small introduction, it has been you, Jean, Sasha, and Connie. The four of you were the most annoying but yet strongest group.

4 years later, it has the toughest but yet, the best years of your life and Jeans.

Ever since the battle with Reiner, Bertholdt, and Zeke, you two have been getting closer than ever.

Him being more protective over you, he wanted to keep you safe, and made a promise to Marco to look out for you since the two of you were close as well.

During the first trip to Marley, it was crazy for you. You guys stayed there for about for bit while the others had to get things done before the battle. You and Jean decided to sneak out to a bar.

He was practically dragging you to the bar, the both of you laughing and almost out of breath.

He opens the door for you, “Well thank you, you good sir” You said

“No problem, my lady” He jokling replied.

You guys were there for a good while, just drinking and talking while there was slow music in background. That’s when the bartender announced there was only 10 minutes left.

Jean placed his cup down and looked at you. He couldn’t stop looking at you, how you looked so beautiful. And then he asked, “Hey, wanna dance?”, he held his hand to you.

You looked at him in a surprised but then relayed and nodded. You took his hand and he led you to the middle of room.

You guys both swayed to the slow music, while you had your head in his chest and he had his hand placed in the back of your waist. You can hear his heart race a bit, but took a deep breath and relaxed into him and closed your eyes.

In that moment, it felt like it was only you and him. And no one else.

“Hey Y/n…” Jean said suddenly,

You looked up, “Yeah?”

He looked down at you, then took another deep breath. “I’m afraid..”

“Afraid of what?” You took your head off from his chest, and looked at his eyes.

There’s a moment of silence, of only both of you looking at each other. “I’m afraid of losing you…”

A worried bit you asked, “There’s nothing to be afraid of Jean, I’m right here, with you.”

“ I know, but I’m afraid that im going to lose you , I promised Marco to look over you. To be more protective, but there was so much more into that promise. I want to keep safe, warm…. Loved” He spoke softly.

“Jean…”

“I know, it sounds crazy, but every since that day we met, I just knew that you were the one. You brought light to me when I was going through. You, you were the one to bring a smile and cared for me. And I want to do that you, I want to be there for you, I want to hold you and tell you everything is alright. I want a future with you….. I love you Y/n, ” Jean looked at you with gentle and soft expression.

You didn’t have words to say, you were speechless.

He took noticed and then sighed, “look, im sor-“ He got caught off by you kissing him on the lips. He kissed you back.

The kiss lasted for a good while until you pulled away and looked at him, “I love you to Jean… Ive been waiting for this” You smiled

He chuckled, “Same here….”

Jean couldn’t focus,

The rumbling has ended, but he was desperately trying to look for you.

You guys parted away, since it was a it easier to battle.

But he was worried, until he heard his name being called.

“JEAN!!! COME HERE, RIGHT NOW!!!” He heard Connie yell.

He hurriedly ran to him and then he saw the most terrifying thing he ever imagined.

A blade from the ODM gear struck you through. Connie was holding your head for support, he was crying.

First Marco, secondly Sasha, and then you…

Jean felt like he couldn’t move, until you opened your eyes and saw him.

“Jean…” You weakly said and tried to reach out for him. He hurriedly got down , Connie lifted your head to jeans lap.

“Hey beautiful…” He tearfully said,

“Jean… I’m sorry…”

“Hey, don’t say sorry, my love. You did your best… You know I love you right?”

You looked at him and smiled. “Yeah… I love you too Jean….. I dont want to go Jean” You were afraid to leave, to leave Jean.

“Hey, hey…. I’m going to be alright, you did your best my love”. Jean tears started to fall.

You smiled once more, “Hey Jean… please give me one more kiss..”

He gladly does, knowing it was going to be your final moment.

You felt his lips on yours, you raise your hand to touch his jaw. Suddenly, you get all the memories you had with him. When you guys first met, to grieving over Marcos death, to goofing around with Connie and Sasha, to him confessing his love to you. You smiled through the kiss. Taking your final breath.

Jean felt your body and hand go in limp.

He broke away from the kiss to look at you, how peacefully you looked. He pushed your hair behind your ear.

His body shook, and then started to cry more.

His cries can be heard from a good distance.

Connie stood in shock, his best friend has died.

And then a mist appeared. Both Jean and Connie looked up, saw you and Sasha waving at them. Smiling.

Then disappeared,

Jean can know live with that fact that you’re going to be ok.

“Please take me back to the night we met”

Hopefully y’all like it! Please let me know any tips and idea once again!

[trips2saturn]

TOWL SPOILERS BELOW!!!!!!

enough time has passed and i’m impatient so here it is. episode two debriefing! ❤️‍🔥

danai and andy’s chemistry is unparalleled and has never been executed so well before by any other actors. their words, emotions, and energy into bringing these characters to life in such a tender way is something absolutely so enigmatic and goshshfgshdhsn i just love them. i love their dynamic and their power to create such an immaculate foundation that will always be such a memorable piece for all of us as fans of this franchise. 🫶🏼

michonne and nat deserved more time. point blank period. i sobbed violently and had to pause the episode for ten minutes. i loved his dynamic with michonne and how much impact his character had in under 40 minutes of screen time. missing him forever and ever. and not to be an asshole but their relationship is what the dude-bros wanted rick and okafor’s association to be ! tell me i’m wrong.

dana from a group of 40 people with her sister el. yaaaas go girl! she’s a b your honor please believe her!!! she’s totally not a badass powerhouse wife and mother of two who’s experienced more in her life than the crm ever have!!!

it’s FUCK the crm forever actually. CHLORINE GAS? killing the pregnant lady and her boyfriend???? im distraught. the most disgusting group of people to ever exist apart from the saviors. hoping to see their entire base burn to the ground by the end of this series !!!! <3

RICHONNE REUNITING AFTER CHOOSING TO GIVE UP HOPE TO FIND EACH OTHER 😭😭😭 the universe loves them soooo much they’re like this 🤞 when it comes to fate. i am still actively emotional over all of their scenes. they’re sooo in love with each other it hurts. i’m still on cloud nine just from seeing them kiss (and moan omg!) so excuse me. ❤️‍🩹

michonne cradling rick’s face and rick nuzzling into her hands? THAT IS HER BABY POOKIE SUGAR PLUM CRISP. keep them together! they cannot be separated!

jadis can die with all due disrespect. she ruined everything. it’s been her fault since the start. she separated them. she’s the reason that rj doesn’t know his father and only knows of his legendary stories. fuck her. d*e!

rick asking about jude multiple times :((( his baby. bring him home to his kids PLEASE. must’ve been such a shocker to hear him ask about his daughter and not daryl or negan oh no! abused, kidnapped father finds the love of his life and wants to make sure that their daughter is still okay after being away from her for a decade! SHOCKER! WOW. this is shocking news! 🙀

the scenes of michonne and nat having to rebuild their health after the chlorine gas bomb was so heartbreaking but powerful. michonne working out and continuing to push herself by being reminded of her strength, grief, and love. she is so strong and i’m so proud of her. i hate the crm.

“shoto? shoto?” PUNCHING ME IN THE GUT WOULD HURT LESS. meanwhile judith is also trying to reach out but their signal is too far gone for them to do so. 😭 pleaseeee i just need one future scene of them reuniting. michonne loves them so much she is the best mother ever. ❤️‍🩹

okay!!!!! that’s all that i have for now. still collecting my thoughts after this episode but i love my tv parents more than life. so happy to have them back and i can’t wait for the next four episodes!!!!!!!

[major-mads]

Chapter 3: Listen to Your Heart

John "Bucky" Egan x Ruth Morgan (OFC)

Series Masterlist

A/N: I'm so glad y'all are enjoying the series!! Thank you so much for reading!! Us Callum girlies sure got some...cough cough...quality content in episode four, that's for sure! Let me know what you think, and go read the other half of the story using the link below!!! this wonderful gif is by @zsuo!

Collab: On a Wing and a Prayer by @footprintsinthesxnd

Word Count: 4.7k

August 3rd, 1943

Ruthie, Since Saturday night, you have rarely left my mind. I replay the dance in my head, trying to commit every detail to memory. I love being around you, Ruth. I couldn’t imagine the night going any better than it did, and I’m so glad that you stepped outside of your comfort zone to come with me. Curt’s been giving me a hard time about embarrassing you when I sang, but I told him you loved it, even if I sound like a “dying animal” in Buck’s words.  Speaking of Buck, I’ve decided to never let him live down Saturday’s condom incident with Hope. Hugh sure isn’t letting it go, so I can’t help but join in on the fun. Despite that, I think he had a great time with her, even though he’s a total stick in the mud. I can’t believe they didn’t dance, Ruthie! Our dance was my favorite part of the night, besides how we said goodnight, of course.

I would really like to see you again soon, Ruth. It’s no secret that I’m taken with you, and I think you feel the same. We’re spending the next few weeks replacing crews and forts, so we won’t be too busy. If you’re able, please stop by and pay me a visit. At the sight of your sweet, kind smile, and the feeling of your hand in mine, my worries seem to disappear. The only worry left in my mind is that my efforts to convert you to a Yankees fan won’t be successful. I hold onto the hope that you’ll see that the Braves are terrible and that the Yankees are the better team. The Braves went 11 and 18 this past month, and my amazing team went 21 and 11. You can’t argue against stats, slugger. I hope this won’t affect your feelings toward me because then we might have a problem. I can’t wait to see you again soon. Please stay safe up there for me.  Your Hotshot, Johnny Egan

August 6th, 1943

Dear John, I am happy to hear that you and the boys are finally getting a break. When we were at the dance, I knew y’all were exhausted, but you sure didn’t show it, Major. You danced and sang like there was no tomorrow, and I had more fun than I had in a long while in your arms. Don’t worry about what Curt or Buck said. I loved your singing, even if it was slightly off-key and very loud. You might have embarrassed me, but seeing you in your element was worth it.  Every time I think back to that night, my heart begins to race and I can’t help but smile at the thought of you. I’m so very grateful that you decided to bring me along. Somehow you manage to turn me into a giddy, blushing teenager every time you cross my mind. Our kiss is a cherished memory of mine, and forgive me for being forward, but I hope that we can make more of such memories in the future.  Hope had an amazing time with Gale at the dance, and apparently, he wasn’t as much of a “stick in the mud” as you think. I’m sworn to secrecy, but know that they are very fond of each other already. When we got back to Grove the day after the dance, we told Frank what happened with…the incident, and he thought it was hilarious! He even said that he “did his job well,” whatever that means.  I would love nothing more than to come see you, but sadly, I don’t know when I’ll be able. Casualties from Italy are getting worse with the invasion of Sicily underway, and we’ve been on runs almost every day since we got back from the dance. Regardless of this, the first chance we get, Hope and I will make our way up to Thorpe Abbotts.  I can’t wait to see you again, Johnny, but the blatant slander against the Braves might damage your chances of getting another kiss. We’ll just have to agree to disagree on this because I promise you I am not going to be converted. After all, a little friendly rivalry never hurt anyone, right? Don’t hurt yourself falling off your bike during your break. Yours,  Ruth Morgan P.S. I would like to meet Meatball the next time I visit the base!

Sunday, August 8th, 1943: Thorpe Abbotts AAF Base, Norwich

The mess hall buzzed with energy as Buck and Johnny sat at breakfast with Curt, who slowly moved his powdered eggs around on his plate with his fork. 

“I can’t eat this shit anymore,” he groaned, pushing the plate away from him.

John took a slow sip of his “coffee,” raising an eyebrow at the man. “Then don’t eat it.”

“Oh wow,” Biddick quipped. “What a great idea, Bucky. I’d never thought of that.”

The major smirked behind his mug and shot his friend a wink. Buck watched on in amusement, used to the two going back and forth as he and John did.

Leaning his elbows on the table, Curt leaned over the table toward John with a teasing glare. “Have you heard anything from Ruthie? Has she mentioned me? I thought I made a good first impression the other night.”

“Hmm,” Johnny hummed, pursing his lips for a moment before pointing at Biddick. “That’s Nurse Morgan to you, you dodo. I’m surprised you even remember anything from the dance with how drunk you were.”

“Oh I couldn’t forget a face like that,” he chuckled.

John’s eyes narrowed playfully as he clasped his hands together and leaned on the table. “Well it’s a good thing for me that she could forget yours, then,” he clapped back. “And you’re not the one she kissed goodnight.”

Buck rolled his eyes and continued to eat his breakfast as Egan’s loud, wide-mouthed cackle echoed through the mostly quiet mess hall. Curt then turned to Gale with a raised brow. “How about Hope-”

“Nope,” Buck interrupted calmly, raising his cup and taking a sip of his steaming coffee.

The other two men watched him as a tiny grin formed on the Major’s lips. Although he didn’t talk about it much, they could tell Buck had already developed deep feelings for the woman. 

Raising his eyebrows at Curt, John grinned. “Oh boy.”

“You’ve got it bad, Buck,” Biddick laughed, his hand landing on Gale’s shoulder roughly. “You gotten a reply to your letter yet?”

Thinking of the perfectly folded letter from Ruth he’d picked up that morning sitting in his breast pocket, John smiled down at his food, warmth spreading through him at the thought of the blonde. Buck, however, pursed his lips and shook his head at the question.

“I actually haven’t written her yet,” he sighed, running a hand down his face. “I want-”

“What!?” Johnny all but yelled, his eyes widening as coffee almost spewed from his mouth. “Why the hell not, Buck? I already sent one to Ruth and got a response.”

Gale groaned and put down his fork with a clink. “Because of Hugh.”

“Why are you so worried about Charlie?” Curtis asked, wearing a confused expression.

“Because he’s in my squadron. And he’s her brother.”

John pointed and leaned over the table at him. “Hope’s a big girl, Buck. She can make her own decisions. Screw what Hugh says.”

“But-” Gale started but was once again cut off by Bucky.

“He’s gonna hate you even more if he thinks you're leading her on. You not sending Hope a letter isn’t making anything better,” he said, a smirk beginning to tug at his lips as he continued. “On top of the condom situation.” 

John and Curt busted out into chuckles as Buck just groaned, closing his eyes tightly. “Oh, please don’t remind me.”

The ideal chatter was disturbed by the door to the mess hall swinging back on its hinges with a crash, followed by heavy footfall as Hugh all but stormed through the building like a tornado. He snatched a mug off a table and poured himself a steaming cup of black coffee before marching past the trio, staring daggers at Gale who looked up worriedly from his breakfast. 

Curt’s eyes followed the man as he walked in, muttering under his breath, “Speak of the devil.”

"Good morning to you, too, Sparky," John called out with a small wave as he walked by, only to be met with deafening silence from the other pilot. 

Hugh's harsh glare was burning a hole in the back of Gale’s skull and he thought any second now he’d come into his brain and it would be lights out. 

“You’ve really pissed him off this time, Buck, and you didn’t even get his sister into bed,” John laughed heartily, taking a long swig from his whiskey and coffee, it was most likely more whiskey than coffee but Gale humored him. 

“Will you give it a rest? I’m already getting it from Hugh without your added input,” Gale stabbed aggressively at his scrambled eggs, willing the eyes of the room to stop looking at him. 

Curt snorted beside him, waving his fork around. “Well, I’m telling you boys, if I’d have had Hope in my arms and she’d bought condoms with her, let’s just say she wouldn’t have been going back home with them.” 

That was the final straw. 

Gale slammed his fist down on the table, ignoring the way Johnny jumped in his seat, spilling his coffee over the table, and the way several chunks of his scrambled egg disappeared onto the floor.

“You say anymore slander about my girl, Biddick and I swear…”

“Your girl, Buck?” John raised his right eyebrow, an amused smirk on his lips as his mustache twitched. “She’s your girl and you haven’t even written her yet?”

Sometimes Gale wished he could rip that stupid mustache off John’s face, but he kept his cool. 

It would seem that Hugh had heard the whole commotion. His chair screeching back from the table, he stomped up between the tables once more, his glare never leaving Gale until the door slammed shut behind him. 

Buck groaned, unsure if it was in relief or at the impending doom that he was likely to suffer if this debacle continued. Without a second thought, he excused himself from the table, ignoring the calls of protest from John and Curt, and hurried after Hugh. 

“Hugh! Hugh, wait up. Please, I want to talk to you,” Gale jogged after the tall brunette whose face turned sour the instant he noticed him.

The door quickly closed behind him, and Curt looked at the major across from him with a guilty expression. “I was just joking, Bucky. I would never-”

“Ahh don’t worry about it,” John said as he sipped on his coffee. “He knows that. Like you said, Buck’s got it bad and this thing with Hugh has been eating at him since Saturday.” 

Biddick nodded to himself, his eyes lingering on the door. “Do you think Hugh’ll let it go?”

“For Buck’s sake, I do…I think he will. Doesn’t mean I won’t still rag Buck about it, though.” 

“Yeah,” Curt mumbled, staring down at his plate.

Neither man spoke for a few moments, each lost in their thoughts until Bucky wiped his mouth with his napkin and stood up. “I’ve got a letter to write. See you later, Curt.”

“I never thought I’d live to see the day,” Biddick replied. “Bucky Egan writing a love letter. Looks like Buck isn’t the only one who’s got it bad.”

John tugged his white-fleece jacket back into place and chuckled at his friend. “Don’t go all soft on me.”

“I think it suits you, John. Really,” he urged, a soft smile on his lips. “You seem happier.”

Staring at him for a moment, Bucky didn’t quite know how to respond. He felt happier. He had something to look forward to other than getting drunk at the bar or the adrenaline rush he got when the sound of .50 cal brownings echoed through his fort. John placed his cap back on his head, and with a curt nod, turned toward the door.

His tie suddenly became too tight around his throat as he pushed through the doors into the cool English air, and he quickly loosened it, letting it hang limply as he took a deep breath. In that moment, John Egan had a profound realization.

Since he came over to England in May, he had been simply going through the motions, replaying the same days over and over: Wake up…Fly forts…Bomb targets…Get drunk…Show a woman a good time…then start the cycle again the next day. For someone with such a passionate personality, he lacked the feeling that he so deeply desired. Curt could vouch for this, being the one to knock some feeling back into him a few months back on the wing of Mugwump.

But since that day in July when the nurses landed on their small base in East Anglia, feeling had slowly been creeping back into his life. He first felt it when Ruth caught him staring, and was soon captivated by her dimpled smile and capable personality. The numbness that had become so familiar to him faded into the background when she was near, her laughter shaking free his heart a little more each time it left her lips. 

He was alive with Ruth. More alive than he felt when ME-109s whizzed past him or when flack shook his fort. More alive than when he unbuttoned a woman’s dress and laid her down. More alive than the burning sensation that traveled down his throat when he downed another shot at the bar.

Over the past few weeks, the blonde nurse had somehow burrowed into his jaded exterior and broken down the walls he didn’t even know existed. 

John’s mind reeled as he silently mounted his bike and rode to the base HQ. The ride passed in a blur, and before he knew it, he was sitting at his desk, staring down at the blank sheet of paper before him. He hadn’t had a problem writing her before, so why was this any different?

How was he supposed to convey such profound feelings in a letter?

He started simply, letting his mind imagine her there beside him.

“Dear Ruth.”

Thursday, August 12, 1943: Termini Imerese, Sicily, Italy

“You ready girls!” Frank called over his shoulder, glancing as Hope and Ruth took the stretcher from the medics below them and loaded the last wounded soldier onto the rack. Hope pulled out her flight manifest and checked off the final patient to board. The young boy reached out, grasping her hand. 

“Nurse,” his voice cracking as he tried to grab her attention. He was so young, barely eighteen years old. His bright blue eyes, glossy and hazy, gazed up at her. 

“Yes, My Love,” Hope crouched down, clasping the boy's hand in one of hers while her other brushed away his brunette locks from his face. She tried to stop her eyes from drifting down his body to where only stumps of his legs remained, the burnt flesh wrapped neatly in crisp bandages. 

“You’re an angel,” he whispered and Hope smiled sweetly at him, squeezing his hand. “When I write home, I’m gonna tell my Momma ‘bout you.” 

A single tear trickled down her cheek and she leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead and watching until he drifted off to sleep. His delicate, young features were no longer etched with worry, and the hard lines across his forehead softened as the morphine began to take effect. 

Hope turned, watching as Ruth comforted one of the other young men further down the plane who had managed to remove some of his bandages. 

“Hey, don’t do that, you need those,” Ruth tutted quietly, helping the Private sit up a little so she could secure fresh, white bandages around his bloody arm. The poor boy grumbled under his breath as Ruth tucked in the end. “Now leave ‘em be, okay?”

The young boy nodded, shifting uncomfortably in his cot. They weren’t the most comfortable racks, just cool metal bars lining the hammock-like beds that swayed as the C-47 rocked through the sky. 

Hope took her seat beside Ruth, who had finished trying to redress the soldier's wounds, smiling briefly at her friend, who wore the same exhausted expression she did.

“I can’t wait to get back to the Grove. I need a warm bath and my bed,” Ruth mumbled, stretching out her aching muscles that screamed against the tension in her body. 

“Oh don’t say that, Rue. We’ve still got to drop these poor boys off at the hospital in Mateur.” Ruth just groaned in response. 

The dance with the boys had been their last outing in a while. It was the last time Hope hadn’t felt completely exhausted. She’d been relaxed, able to let go, and safe in Gale’s arms. 

This trip had been hard. The plane was at full capacity and when they arrived on the airfield at Termini Imerese, Sicily, they were instantly thrown into action. The girls disappeared into the makeshift hospitals that lined the airfield, the white tents flapping in the harsh wind that did little to cool the heat from the scorching midday sun. 

Hope and Ruth conferred with the surgeons, assessing and stabilizing patients that were safe to fly, meaning that many of the young men with head injuries or who had suffered significant blood loss would be unable to fly due to the unpressurized aircraft cabins. Many of the men didn’t have emergency medical tags, so the girls had to make their own assessments for many of the patients. 

The thrumming roar of the C-47’s engine erupting to life always brought a great sense of comfort to Hope, along with an impending sense of fear in unison. This job, while rejuvenating her youth through the exhilarating flights and the lives they saved, aged her with each passing moment spent in the air, because after every successful landing she was left with the feeling that although they had saved lives, they couldn’t save them all. This weighed heavily on both of the women.

Frank and his fellow pilot chatted hastily in the cockpit, their muffled voices cracking through over the radio. As soon as the plane leveled out Hope and Ruth stood, each taking a side of the plane and beginning the checkups on their patients, recording their temperature, pulse, and respiration as well as checking there was no strike through of blood from their dressings. The girls worked quickly, only conferring on their patients' conditions. 

It always amazed Hope how quickly their work changed them, on the flight over Ruth had been once again telling her about the letter she’d received from John. Hope feared she could probably quote Ruth’s letter herself by now, but she never complained, pleased that Ruth was finally coming out of herself. 

Hope had her own letter from Gale tucked into her top overall pocket, over her heart. His words burned into her flesh and she felt as though he was right there beside her all along. 

Having dropped off the soldiers at the large US hospital in Mateur, Tunisia, the C-47 headed home. The mood was somber as the large metal bird rattled its way across Europe towards England. 

Ruth’s eyes had closed about half an hour before, and Hope didn’t have the heart to wake her up. She looked so peaceful, the wrinkles that normally appeared when she smiled were smoothed away, and her blonde locks fell softly from where she had so lovingly pinned them that very morning. 

Hope took Gale’s letter out of her pocket, smoothing out the creases that had poked around the edge of the page. Words of affirmation sprung out at her and a smile was instantly cemented to her lips as she relieved the last moments with him. 

The flight home always seemed quicker, and soon ‘The Angel of Death’ was touching down on the runway. Hope helped a rather sleepy Ruth off the plane and waved goodnight to Frank, who chuckled in amusement at the blonde’s incoherent murmurs, some of them sounding an awful lot like the name of her beloved major.

 “Goodnight Ladies.” 

“Come on, Rue. Let’s get you home,” Hope wrapped her arm around her sleepy friend, leading the way to the Nissan huts they were billeted in. 

Some of the other nurses were still stationed in Africa and so they currently had the hut to themselves. Hope lay Ruth down on the bed, smiling as she snuggled closer into the pillow.

So much for a warm bath…

Hope would rag her about it later, but she couldn’t deny that the stress of the day was getting to her too, but something restless kept her from falling into her own bed. Instead, Hope sat at the small desk in the corner, pulling out a piece of paper and a pen. She pulled Gale’s crumpled letter from her pocket, smoothed it flat onto the desk, and began writing her reply.

The following day, the girls finally had a day off, and as much as they wanted to make the trip up to Thorpe Abbotts, the nurses were so exhausted that they barely got out of bed. 

“What time is it?” Ruth groaned, turning onto her side to hide from the bright sun peeking through the curtains. 

Getting no response, she cracked her eyes open, and a smile tugged at her lips at the sight before her. In the corner of the room, Hope’s cheek lay smushed against the desktop, her messy black hair splayed around her as she slept soundly. The corner of a paper could just barely be seen under her hair, and Ruth immediately knew what she’d fallen asleep doing.

Sighing softly, she pulled back her covers and padded over to Hope, wincing at the sting of her feet against the cold floors. “Hope,” Ruth whispered, rubbing the woman’s shoulder gently. “Come on, let’s get you into bed.”

She awoke slowly, allowing the blonde to sit her up off the desk. “Five more minutes,” Hope mumbled.

Ruth chuckled, the sound echoing through the silent hut. Luckily, Hope’s bed was directly beside the desk, so the smaller woman didn’t have to maneuver her around too much to get her onto the mattress. 

Gently laying her extra blanket over her best friend, Ruth smiled down at her. “There you go. Snug as a bug.”

She then walked over to her bed and snuggled under the covers again, but not before closing their blackout curtains, causing darkness to envelop the room once again. The warmth drew her back into her peaceful slumber, her eyes fluttering closed as her mind repeated Johnny’s latest letter:

Sunday, August 8th, 1943

Dear Ruth, I can’t wait to see you again. I know I said that in my last letter, but I’ve recently discovered that absence actually does make the heart grow fonder. I find myself waiting in anticipation for your letters the moment I send off my own, and I long to see you…to have you here next to me. Hopefully, your missions will ease soon and you’ll finally get a break, too. I understand how tiring it can be to fly day after day, and that’s without even having to take care of patients. Please take care of yourself, alright? As much as I would love to see you, please rest if you get the chance. Don’t worry about me. We’ll see each other soon enough. Today Buck finally wrote Hope back. I tried to tell him how stupid it was to wait, but he was adamant about getting Hugh’s approval. He’s a bigger man than I am, Ruth. Regardless of this, we can never let him live the incident down…ever. In response to your threat to withhold your affection from me, I say bring it on. Like I said before, you can’t argue with facts. The Yankees are the better team, and I’m going to convince you of that, so I cannot agree to disagree. I’m too stubborn to let you win, and if I’m being honest, I don’t know if you’ll be able to resist my charming personality…or the mustache. I know you love the mustache, Ruth. If you decide to follow through on your threat, I’ll shave it off. Just for you. Don’t stand between a man and kisses from his girl. It doesn’t end well for anyone. But it’s like you said, a little friendly rivalry never hurt anyone, right? Please be safe, Ruthie, and know I am thinking of you. Yours, John Egan

Knock. Knock. Knock.

“Hope! Ruth! You alive in there?” a voice hollered through the hut’s door, rousing Ruth for the second time that morning. She opened her mouth to reply, but Hope beat her to it. 

“Go away, Frank!” she groaned, covering her ears with her pillow.

“It’s almost noon,” the man chuckled. “I know you’re tired but you both need to get up. We’ve got stuff to do.”

Sitting up abruptly, Ruth grabbed her watch off her small side table, her eyes widening when she read 11:43 am. She looked over to Hope who was also staring at her watch in utter disbelief.

“I haven’t slept in this much since I was a teenager,” Hope muttered under her breath before turning to Ruth, almost breaking into a fit of laughter at the blonde’s wonky curls from the day before. “We look terrible.”

Frank pounded his fist against the door, yelling, “Get up!”

“WE ARE!!” They both hollered back, unable to keep the frustration from lacing their voices.

Throwing off her covers, Hope stood to her feet and marched over to the door, swinging it open. Ruth clamored quickly out of bed to follow her, stopping right behind her shoulder as they glared at Frank. His eyes scanned the women before him, and a grimace appeared on his face at their ragged appearances. 

“Okay,” he started, raising his hands in surrender. “Go back to sleep. You look like shit, and I’d rather do things on the plane by myself than deal with your grumpy attitudes.”

They narrowed their eyes at him. “Nope. We’re awake now,” Hope retorted, smiling sweetly at him.

Sighing, Frank stepped back from the door with a barely concealed smirk. “Meet me at the hardstand.”

As Hope shut the door, Ruth flopped back on her bed, her eyes following Hope’s figure walking across the room to the desk in the corner. “How’s Gale?” she asked, propping her head up with her hand.

Hope began to neatly fold up the letter, smiling softly as she talked over her shoulder. “He’s good. Said he didn’t write because of Hugh causing problems, but he’s got his blessing now.” She turned toward Ruth with dusty pink cheeks, giggling to herself. “He even signed his last letter with ‘your Gale.’”

“Hope!” Ruth squealed, sitting up and covering her mouth with her hands. “I’m so happy for you. You deserve someone like Gale, and I’m sure Hugh sees how much he adores you.”

Hope looked down at the letter in her hands, her heart swelling at the thought of the man. “He’s amazing,” she whispered as her eyes traced over his name on the paper. After a few moments, she shook her head, seemingly clearing her thoughts, and raised an eyebrow at Ruth. “How’s John?”

It was now Ruth’s turn to blush, the tips of her ears heating up at the mention of the major. “Great…amazing…wonderful. I feel like I’ve known him so much longer than a few weeks, Hope. You know how I can get sometimes, but when I’m with him, I don’t feel nearly as anxious. And when he kissed me…I wished it could’ve lasted forever. I can’t wait to see him again.”

Sighing softly, Hope plopped down onto her bed. “Look at us, Rue. We’re like a bunch of lovesick teenagers.”

“Yeah, we are,” Ruth giggled, her mind replaying her and John’s laughter, soft touches, and tender looks from the dance. The way he held her face so delicately, how his lips-

“Come on,” Hope called, her mattress squeaking as she got up, breaking Ruth from her thoughts. “Let’s get ready so we can go annoy Frank.”

Tag List: @xxluckystrike @precious-little-scoundrel @bcofl0ve @violetdaze25 @docroesmorphine @kmc1989 @gfofsadie @artlover8992 @karashaw99 @dustyjumpwjngs @camicanos-blog @storysimp @b00ks1ut @sunny747 @leopard-skin-pillbox-hat-ok @yoongiscxr @blueberry-ovaries @sidneysidney123

message or comment if you want to be added to the tag list! <3

[sillybucket]

“I will be okay” { Stolas x g/n reader }

Woo my first Tumblr fanfic - I’m a little nervous I’ll admit … my writing skills are painfully mediocre but still I hope this came out at least okay-ish :,)👍

I wanna apologize in advance for the possible ooc moments … I’m admittedly not a professional writer , I barely know what I’m doing sometimes ;_;

Also if someone already wrote something similar , know it’s not my intention to copy anyone !

🍃 Warnings 🍃 : none , this is just pure fluff featuring the reader visiting the owl boyo at the hospital after the events of season 2’s fourth episode … cause dammit , after all he went through he deserves some affection :,I

🌙 . 🌙 . 🌙 . 🌙 . 🌙 . 🌙 . 🌙 . 🌙 . 🌙 . 🌙 . 🌙 .

< Your highness ? >

The nurse’s words seemed to bring Stolas back to reality : he turned around to look at her , his tired eyes barely able to stay open …

His encounter with Striker was still very vivid in his mind , and despite his resilience the Prince was feeling completely exhausted after all the hits and wounds he had received …

All he wanted to do was sleep , desperately trying to pretend that all that had happened was nothing but a bad dream , and holding on to the hope that after closing his eyes he would’ve woke up back to his mansion , back to his daughter …

And back to his beloved .

< Yes ? What is it ? >

, he asked , letting out a hiss as his bandaged leg started to hurt after his sudden movement .

< Well , uh , there is a demon out here … they said they want to see you . >

The nurse adjusted her glasses , looking down on a paper she was holding .

< Their name is (y/n) , do you know them ? Should I let them in ? >

Stolas’s eyes widened , and he immediately shifted to a sitting position , ignoring his aching leg and wounds .

< Oh - oh yes ! Please , let them in ! >

His heart beat quickened as he watched the nurse walk out the room : oh , how he longed to see them , to hold them in his arms and feel their comforting warmth …

After a moment the door opened once again , and a familiar demon slowly walked forward , their worried gaze softening as they stared into the Prince’s scarlet eyes …

< Hey sweetie … I’m so glad to see you . >

, they said , approaching the hospital bed and sitting beside him .

Stolas let out a soft little hoot as their hands caressed his cheek , looking at (y/n) with a loving smile .

< Me too , dearest , I’ve … really missed you . >

He kissed the palm of their hand , taking a deep breath …

< I hope I didn’t scare you too much … I can’t imagine how worried you must’ve been , finding out with a sudden text that I was here at the hospital . >

The Prince sighed , looking down at the floor .

< This is nothing to be concerned about , my love … I’m quite tough , I’ll be fine in no time … I’m just sorry I made you come all this way just for me , I hope you weren’t too busy … I do not want to waste your time , so if you have something else to do or somewhere to be you should probabl - >

While he was talking Stolas hadn’t noticed that (y/n) had gotten closer to him , and when they pressed their lips against his he let out a little surprised gasp before closing his eyes , kissing them back while holding them close to him .

When they both pulled away , (y/n) put their hands on his shoulders , careful to avoid touching any of his wounds …

< Stolas , sweetheart … nothing is more important to me than knowing you’re okay . Besides , you should be more worried about yourself : you’re the one who got kidnapped and beat up by a wanted assassin . >

The Prince looked up at them and smiled softly , leaning forward to leave a kiss on their forehead .

< Thank you , (y/n) … it means so much that you care about me . I love you . >

He looked at the pink shades of the sky outside the window , taking a deep breath while holding them in his arms and caressing their hair …

Despite everything that went wrong that day , despite not knowing what was going to happen in the future , Stolas knew that with his beloved starlight by his side he was going to be okay .

🌙 . 🌙 . 🌙 . 🌙 . 🌙 . 🌙 . 🌙 . 🌙 . 🌙 . 🌙 . 🌙 .

If you’re reading this , thank you so much for getting to the end of my silly fanfic :D

Feel free to share your thoughts about it , I’m always happy to see some feedback ^^ I’m very bad at handling my time so I have no idea when I’ll make another one , but I’m definitely planning to do more x readers , maybe from other fandoms I’m into :)👍

Bye now , stay safe ! ❤️

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

I don’t want to overwhelm you cause I know you have several requests on top of your stories, but if you don’t mind I’d like to store this request idea in your box for a future date otherwise I will forget it.

Occurs in season 4 episode 3 where Cnut takes Mercia. The reader is Sihtrics wife, pregnant but he doesn’t know that she is pregnant cause he hasn’t seen her in so long. She was residing in Mercia, welcome by Æthelfled because her mother outlawed her in Wessex since she’s like Uhtred a Saxon Dane, part heathen. Anyways when Cnut and his men savage Mercia, Brida finds her trying to flee and Brida let’s her go escape. Walking in the woods for hours the reader is in a lot of discomfort, sore, cold, wet, tired, and about to give up hope. Suddenly, she sees Hæston and “his kinsfolk” caravan and begs Hæston to help her, maybe offering the promise of a reward. He obliges, he’s always liked her anyways so it wasn’t difficult to deny her but he was disappointed to see Sihtric’s pip in her belly. She hops in the cart and they travel in the woods for awhile and run in to Uhtred and his men. Sihtric is surprised to see her, she hops out and he’s panicked to her appearance disheveled, thinking Hæston did something to her but she explains and it’s just a really fluffy, emotional reunion and pup announcement.

Warnings: mention of pregnancy and some distress as reader worries about baby's wellbeing for a moment.

Pairing: Sihtric x you (f)

Summary: see request!

Word count: 2.9k

Note: thank you for this request! I hope you enjoy it :)

Taglist: @clairacassidy @finanmoghra @uunotheangel @hb8301 @bathedinheat @neonhairspray @anaeve @bubblyabs @travelingmypassion @sylas-the-grim @heimtathurs @bubbles-for-all-of-us @valeskafics

'I hope he hurries.'

******************

'You're Sihtric's woman,' Brida grinned as she held you at knifepoint, 'are you not?'

'Please,' you cried, 'don't do this.'

'You carry his pup?' she asked as you held your baby bump.

'I do,' you sniffled.

'Does he know?'

'He does not,' you let out a sob, 'please, spare me.'

'How far do you think you'll get in your state?' Brida laughed.

'I don't know, please, Brida,' you begged, 'please let me go.'

Brida looked amused at your begging. It was almost sweet, she thought. While Cnut was busy bringing havoc upon Mercia, Brida had seen you try and escape their wrath. But she had been quick to follow you when she thought she recognised you. She knew killing you would hurt Sihtric, which would in a way harm Uhtred. And that is all Brida wanted. To harm Uhtred as much as she could. As much as he had harmed her.

'Brida, please, for the sake of my child,' you cried on your knees, 'let me go.'

'Is this your first pup?' she asked.

You nodded as tears ran down your cheeks, 'I know you want to hurt Uhtred, but not through me and my child, please.'

Brida sighed, she did feel for you, knowing what it's like to desperately want to be a mother. And now, knowing she was pregnant herself, Brida too, would have begged as you did now.

'Fine,' she snapped, 'run. See how far you can get.'

****************

And you ran. You ran until the night fell, you ran until your body was hurting, you ran until you threw up. You eventually fell asleep against a large tree trunk, until the first rays of sunlight woke you up. And then you got back on your feet again. And you walked. You walked until your feet were bleeding and until you fell down to your knees. In pain, in tears and locked into the tight grip of fear. Fear for your pup's life, fear for your own life, fear for the lives of those you left behind in Mercia, and the fear for your husband's life, who had no idea you were pregnant. You wiped your dirty hair out of your sweaty face and then placed your hands onto your belly.

'We will find a way, I promise you, little love, I will see your face. I will. And so will your father.'

And you sobbed at the thought of Sihtric, your beautiful husband. Gods, you missed him. So much. He had been away for so many months and you would do anything to be with him now. To be in his arms, to feel his lips on your skin and his voice in your ear, telling you everything would be okay. That he would take care of you. That he would take care of everything. And you prayed to the gods for help. And almost immediately, as if you had been heard and your prayer was answered, you heard voices chatting in the distance. You looked up and saw a group of people further down in the woods, but they seemed to be approaching. You jumped up and ran again, as fast as you could, holding your baby bump as you sprinted through the forest.

'Help!' you called, 'please, help!'

You saw how the leading man ordered his group to halt. You quickly understood they had no idea if this was a trap, so you stopped running and approached slowly as you kept yelling.

'I wish no harm! Please, I need help. I am a woman in need!'

'A woman?' you heard their leader chuckle with an accent, and for a moment you worried you were yelling to Cnut and his men as they started their approach again, until the man continued, 'and how may I help this woman in need?'

That sounded like Haesten and, even in all your despair, you rolled your eyes at the thought of that man. You stopped and fell down to your knees.

'I- I need to rest. I…,' you hesitated, 'I- I am pregnant!'

And upon hearing those words Haesten jumped off his horse and walked over to you.

'Where is the father of your pup?' Haesten frowned and he crossed his arms as he closed in on you.

'He marched months ago, he is not aware,' you said as you kept your head down.

'And how did this woman in need end up here?'

'Cnut-,' you let out a sob, 'Cnut has taken Mercia. I ran. I've been in the woods all night.'

'On your own?'

'Yes. I have no one, please,' you finally looked up at him as he stood before you. And his eyes grew big when he saw your face and his arms dropped lifeless next to his body.

'You're Sihtric's woman,' he gasped, 'is he… is he the father?'

You nodded and gave him a weak smile. You worried this knowledge may not work in your favour. Haesten has always had a thing for you, which everyone knew, and you feared that he'd just leave you in the middle of the forest now, on your own.

Haesten sighed and looked down at you, 'we could have had beautiful pups together, lady,' he shook his head and then he helped you up, 'but come, you can travel with us. You can get onto the cart we carry with us, in the back.'

'Where are you heading to?' you asked, cautiously.

'Heading North, but nowhere in particular, lady,' Haesten grinned, 'I am a free man! I have no land anymore. Which reminds me,' he said and paused for a moment, 'your husband had some part in that.'

You were startled at his words and knew it was over for you. You took a step back and Haesten threw his hands up innocently when he saw your worried face. 

'I- I promise if you help me, you will be rewarded once I find my husband.'

'Hey, I am not going to hurt you, I swear it, afterall,' he said and looked at your belly, 'I am a family man!' Haesten laughed and nodded towards the two boys a little further back. Cnut's sons.

*****************

You don't know how long you've been laying in the cart, being a part of Haesten's travelling gang, but you have at least been able to get some rest. But that was the only thing you got. You still looked and felt dirty. Leaves stuck in your messy hair, dirt on your face, arms, hands and in your hair too. Your tunic, once beige, was now a dark grey colour and your shoes were falling apart, which is why you had blisters all over your feet in the first place, and when no one was looking, you tossed whatever was left of your shoes out of the cart into the bushes. And as you felt your pup kick inside your tummy, you dozed off again.

********************

You were woken up by the men murmuring among each other. You rubbed your eyes and opened them as you laid down, trying to hear what was so interesting that made the men all whisper. And then you heard Haesten.

'Uhtred Ragnarson!' he laughed, 'I thought I could smell something rotten on the air!'

You jumped up after hearing Uhtred's name, but you were too far in the back of the travelling company to see if he was actually there.

'We should kill him now, Lord,' Sihtric said, 'while we have the chance.'

'Sihtric,' you whispered with big eyes. You would recognize your husband's voice anywhere, no matter how far, and you quickly shuffled your way out of the cart, running barefoot past all the men and women you'd been travelling with for a few days.

'I've had enough of fighting Danes,' Uhtred said bored, 'even weasels like Haesten.'

You saw Uhtred mounted upon his horse as you pushed yourself past the others, making haste to your husband, who you hadn't seen yet.

'Uhtred and his pretty boys,' Haesten said, 'looking so sad and far from home. It seems fate has brought us together, again. Your men,' Haesten continued, 'look like ragged dogs in need of meat and we have plenty. Speaking of meat,' he turned to Sihtric, 'your wife has quite some on her.'

'My wife?' Sihtric snapped.

'She-,' Haesten started but was interrupted by your screaming.

'Sihtric!' you shouted when you finally saw him, 'Sihtric!'

Sihtric's eyes darted with panic and confusion over the crowd Haesten travelled with, until he finally laid eyes on you. Despite your worn out appearance, he recognised you immediately.

'My love!' he shouted, dismounting his horse as fast as he could and he ran towards you.

'Sihtric!' you cried. Your feet gave out under you and you fell to your knees, feeling twigs and pebbles cut into your skin.

'Darling,' Sihtric said, not able to hide his shock and concern when he crouched down in front of you and saw the state you were in, 'what- what happened?' 

You tried to catch your breath and his eyes darted all over you, before he could bring himself to cup your cheeks, 'My love, tell me what happened! Did Haesten threaten you? Has he taken you with him by force?' he looked down at your belly, which was carrying his pup for 7 months already without his knowledge, 'has he touched you? Did he touch you!?' Sihtric almost yelled as tears filled his eyes, 'say something, my love, please!'

'Sihtric,' you whispered and looked up into his eyes, and the sight of his mismatched pair was enough to make you sob. 

Without asking any more questions he wrapped you in his arms.

'It's okay,' he whispered as he held you tight, 'I'm here, sweetling. You're safe, I promise. Just take it easy. Talk when you are ready.'

Sihtric kissed your temple before he carefully picked you up in his arms, carrying you over to Uhtred, Finan, Osferth and Young Uhtred. And you don't remember, but it had only taken you seconds of being in your husband's arms before you fainted.

'What is she doing with you?' Uhtred asked, concerned, while everyone watched how Sihtric carried you in his arms as he tried to control his emotions.

'It's quite a story,' Haesten smiled, 'we camp here tonight. Join us! And I will tell you.'

******************

You felt a little dizzy when you opened your eyes. You found yourself laying on comfortable furs inside a tent, but the bright light of the sun was hurting your eyes, as it shone through the open entrance. You groaned at the bright light and immediately heard something fall over as Sihtric jumped up, knocking over the wooden stool he had been seated on, and rushed over to you.

'My love,' he whispered, kissing your chapped lips gently, 'are you okay, beautiful?'

'Y-yeah,' you sighed quietly, 'just a little dizzy.'

'Here,' Sihtric said as he took a cup and brought it to your lips, 'drink some water, you need it.'

You sipped from the water and had to admit it indeed made you feel a little better instantly. Sihtric put the cup down and quickly took your hands.

'M-my love,' he stammered, looking at your belly as he swallowed hard, 'w-who-,'

'Yours,' you interrupted your husband, 'Sihtric, it's yours.'

'What?' his eyes grew wide, 'a-are you sure? Haesten said he… he humped y-'

'No!' you yelled, in shock and disgust, 'he has not! By the gods!' you cupped Sihtric's cheeks as his lower lip trembled and his eyes filled with tears, 'darling, please listen,' you said, trying to not let your own tears get the best of you, 'Cnut and Brida attacked Mercia. As I tried to escape I was stopped by Brida. I feared she would take my life, but she spared me. And then I ran. I wandered the woods for one day and one night, until I crossed paths with Haesten. You know he always had a thing for me,' you chuckled lightly as a tear rolled down your cheek, 'he was disappointed to hear that you are the father of the pup in my belly. And he said that me and him would have made beautiful pups together. He probably just told you that he had humped me to fool you. Believe me, my darling, I only ran into Haesten a few days ago.'

Sihtric looked at you and sighed with relief, not knowing what to say. You understood he was overwhelmed and also feeling guilty that he hadn't been there to help you through your pregnancy, up until now, so you took his hands and placed them on your belly.

'Do you feel that?' you smiled as the pup in your belly kicked like crazy, like knowing that the father was finally there, and you looked at Sihtric's face to see his reaction.

'Gods,' Sihtric let out a soft sob as he smiled upon feeling his child in your belly, 'it's… it's ours?' he looked up at you with tears in his eyes.

'It is, Sihtric,' you smiled as tears rolled down your face again, 'you will be a father soon.'

'I will?' he said in disbelief, looking at you for confirmation once more.

'You will be the best father, I know it, my love,' you whispered. 

Sihtric suddenly laughed and shook his head, finally understanding everything you just told him.

'I will be a father,' he chuckled lightly, and then he carefully grabbed your face and kissed you, 'I will be a father,' his eyes grew ever wider and he kissed you again. Then he ran out of the tent and threw his hands up as he shouted again. 

'I will be a father! Lord!' Sihtric exclaimed as he ran to Uhtred, 'I will become a father! Finan! Osferth!' he ran over to the other man, 'I will be-'

'Aye! We heard ye,' Finan laughed, 'a father, yes! We'll drink to that tonight!'

******************

After Sihtric had shouted at everyone who would listen that he would become a father, he had made his way back to you. And he carefully cleaned you up as much as he could. Picking the leaves out of your hair and washing out the dirt with some fresh water. Then he went to find some rags, and a clean tunic for you, and he carefully cleaned your face, arms and your hands. When he removed your tunic to clean up your legs, and to get you into the fresh piece of clothing, he looked sad upon your bruised knees.

'Oh, my love,' Sihtric whispered sadly, carefully cleaning the bruises before he kissed both of your knees softly.

'I will survive,' you smiled at your husband's tenderness, which you loved so much.

'But you're surviving for two now,' he smiled and kissed your tummy, 'you need to be extra careful. Promise me.'

'I promise, darling.'

You couldn't help but blush, brushing your hand through his dark curls as he rested the shaved side of his head onto your belly, as if listening to the pup. You felt so blessed to be his wife and even more blessed to become a mother to his child.

'Sihtric,' you chuckled lightly after a moment, 'I am a little cold…'

'Oh, gods,' he blushed, I'm sorry.' Sihtric smiled shyly and quickly dressed you into the clean tunic he found. Well, found, he had to pay Haesten some sort of reward apparently, and Sihtric bargained for clean clothes to be thrown into the deal. 

Your man was not always thinking everything through, but when it came to you, his mind was as sharp as ever.

After Sihtric had you dressed again, he grabbed a large fur and took your hand, walking you outside. It was already dark and a little chilly when you joined the men around the campfire. Sihtric sat down first and pulled you carefully down onto his lap. He pulled the warm fur over you and wrapped his arms around you, underneath the fur, and leaned his temple against yours, occasionally pecking your cheek as he listened to the men discuss their plan of attack to stop Cnut and Brida. 

But Sihtric stopped listening rather quickly when he got distracted by his wife. You mindlessly trailed your fingers up and down his biceps as you heard the men around you speak.

'I've missed your strong arms, my love,' you whispered, 'nowhere I feel safer.'

Sihtric hummed softly in your ear and you heard him chuckle lightly, squeezing you gently in his arms before you felt his hands move up under your tunic.

'Sihtric,' you gasped quietly, feeling his rough fingertips trail up the inside of your thighs.

'Yes, my love?' you felt him smile as he kissed your cheek again.

'Don't,' you giggled when he traced his fingers lightly over your undergarments.

'Okay, darling,' he chuckled, 'I won't. But I've missed you too, my love.'

'And your time will come, dearest,' you teased and laced your fingers with his, moving his hands up along with yours onto your belly, 'but first we need to get your pup out,' you chuckled.

'I hope he hurries,' Sihtric grinned.

'He?' you frowned. Your husband didn't see it, but he knew you did so by the tone in your voice.

'Yes,' he smiled, feeling the pup kick again, 'can't you feel it by the way he kicks? Such force, like a warrior already. He will be a fighter!'

'Which a little girl can also do,' you reminded him of how he loved your bravery.

'Yes,' Sihtric chuckled in your ear, pausing to kiss your temple as he rubbed his warm hands softly up and down your bump, 'and I promise I will give you a girl, my love. After our boy is born.'

[starjunkyard]

Good god ep18 s6. House dealing (god-awfully .Full disclosure. The episode opens with house drinking himself half to death with zero regard for himself to the point of unintentionally breaking into his neighbours house and passing out there) with wilson getting back together with his ex-wife while the patient of the episode grapples with his possibly reciprocated love for the woman he loves but cannot Have because she's engaged to be wed with his friend.......... Thirteen egging the patient on to tell her how he really feels but he genuinely Cant Bring Himself To because "my friend's a great guy . He's rich, smart, and he'll treat her well. Me-- I'd do everything I could for her. But it wouldn't be much. And she... she deserves the best." And the episode ends with house resignedly throwing away the sealed envelope that held all the dirt he hired lucas to get on wilson's ex wife to try and break them upOhhhhhhhh oh. OHHHHHHHHHHHHH Ouhhhhhhh. Ouhhhhh the acknowledgement that house would do everything & anything & more for wilson Give .all of himself To Wilson and it still wouldn't be enough because house is House. Because even at his best-- house would still be house and because of that house would never be able to give wilson what he wants What he Needs. Wilson doesn't. Need the misanthropic bastard he's been in love with for 20 years who bites and spits at any threat or sign of emotional intimacy or vulnerability. What wilson. Needs is a woman . A wife and two kids and a white picket fence because that's all wilson is

Its the foundation of his entire self that would bring everything else down with it if it were to crumble. The face that wilson has spent his entire Life honing and sculpting and perfecting to present as the Perfect Hardworking American Man and Son. The perfect husband and treasured son with his own big shiny department and a stainless-white doctor's coat and the Exact Man a woman would Need

What is wilson. who is he What is left of him if he is not needed by a woman; not needed nor wanted any longer by the world he's lived his entire life by to please. What is James Wilson if not what everyone else expects him to be

House is the antithesis to all of that. A man rough and abrasive as sandpaper who makes wilson selfish makes him emotional and stupid. Who encourages wilson to lash out and fight and get angry and stand up for himself and be the exact opposite of what he's worked his entire life to be. Instead of accepting and taking wilson's painstakingly pedantically constructed facade at face value House fucking. Crashes through the walls with a bulldozer. Snatches the mask right off of wilson's face and dangles it over his head goading wilson to go ahead; try and get it back

Wilson is so deathly terrified at the idea of breaking out of the norms he himself has walled himself into-- he can't Bear to think of any other future for himself that is anything other than wholly and completely unnoticeable average monotonous unextraordinary

and House is the exact opposite of unnoticeable average monotonous unextraordinary. House is the apple of Eden that rests on the other side of wilson's pristine-white picket fence. The object of Wilson's every true desire that simultaneously threatens to doom and tear down everything wilson regards protects worships as the one untouchable unquestionable unchangeable truth of his life

House loses before it even starts. No one can compete with that; not even house. By nature, house can never be what wilson needs. What wilson truly desires or wants or needs is another subject entirely, something im genuinely not sure wilson could even grapple with, let alone come to terms with canonically. I fully believe wilson and house are the loves of each other's lives but house will never be what wilson "needs" or "wants" no matter what he does or changes about himself. They love each other more than anything and they want each other and they cant live without each other but House-- intrensically, by nature-- cannot be what Wilson wants.

[damn-stark]

Chapter 23 No woman no cry

Chapter 23 of Moonlight

A/N- I'm okay, it’s okay

Warning- Swearing, ANGST, blood! Death!! Aegon! SPOILERS for future events of HOTD!!!!

Pairing- Cregan Stark x Velaryon!fem-reader, Aemond Targaryen x Velaryon!fem-reader

Episode- After 1x09, events based off of Fire and Blood

(If you want to be tagged let me know)

————

What happened to him? Last you saw of Aegon he was heavily scarred and wounded because of Meleys, his face was puffy because of the milk of the poppy, but now?

Now besides his burnt scars, his crooked and bent hip, and his puffy face, he sits in a chair with his legs covered, but you can still see the splints that are attached to both legs. He was never someone you found attractive, but he did have a charm to his physical appearance, now his wounds work to make him look plain and undesirable, scary even.

And his dragon? Sunfyre was the beauty of all dragons, now he sits there coiled and just as broken as his rider. It’s a miracle he’s even alive with the fresh and old wounds his body has. However, you do feel bad for the dragon though, not for Aegon. Never for that monster.

“Sister!” He greets across the yard with a cocky smirk. “Niece!”

You curl your lip to a frown and roll your eyes.

“Dear brother, I had hoped that you were dead,” your mother counters, making you smirk faintly.

“After you,” Aegon rebuttals. “You are the elder.”

Oh he remembers that now?

“I am pleased to know that you remember that,” your mother quips and holds her head high with an unshakable pride you admire.

“Y/N,” Aegon ignores her, and you ignore him. He notices and has Ser Jason reach over to grab your chin and push your head up so you would be forced to see the broken man.

“I heard you almost died in battle,” he says. “I had hoped you would have honestly. You are a traitorous whore after all.” He grimaces. “My brother was always too good to you, I told him he should’ve taught you discipline, but he never could bring himself to do it.”

You glare at him and spat. “Shut up.”

Aegon scoffs and snickers. “So bold. You’ve always had quite a tongue on you, perhaps it’s time I taught you better.”

“Aegon,” your mother calls out panicked, but you’re the one that ignores her this time.

“Why don’t you come down and do it yourself,” you snicker as you hold his gaze.

Aegon glares at you and snaps his gaze to Ser Alfred. And that sorry excuse of a knight stomps over to you and swings his hand over your face so hard you slip off Ser Jason and the other knights’ grasp.

“Y/N!” Your mother cries out, but you begin to chuckle softly through the stinging pain.

“That’s what I thought,” you mutter under your breath. “You should know!” You exclaim and throw your head up to face Aegon. “I have a war prize for you.” You sniffle as blood crawls out of your nose. “It’s not what you’re into, but it’s better. Albeit it’s in my dragon's saddle, so you’ll have to wait to see Daeron’s head until my dragon gets here.” You push yourself up to your knees, and Ser Jason grabs your arm to pick you up again.

“Let me go!” You spat at him and try to push him back, but he overpowers you along with another knight, and they both hold your arms back.

“I could teach you a lesson,” Aegon interjects. “But it’s better if you see it.”

You groan and roll your eyes off his ugly face.

“It would seem we are your prisoners,” your mother cuts in. “But do not think that you will hold us long. My leal lords will find me.”

“If they search the seven hells mayhaps,” Aegon spats.

You groan softly and roll your eyes again, hearing as Daenys begins to cry, and catching guards marching down from where Aegon is, and stomping over to where you and your mother are.

Your mother doesn’t miss it either and looks over at you with worry.

“Mother,” you call out fearfully as you think they’re coming for you.

She tries to reach out for you, and you try your best to lean forward to try to reach her, but just as your fingers brush against each other, the guards take her instead.

“Mother!” You cry out worryingly before you snap your eyes towards Aegon, catching him shooting you a snarky grin that sends chills down your spine. “No,” you whisper and glance at your mother getting pulled towards Sunfyre.

“No,” you whisper again breathlessly as a bad feeling twists your gut. “Mother!” You cry out again, and your daughter Daenys begins to shriek.

Your mother looks back, and you see her try and assure you of the agony you feel forming. But you can see the fear in her eyes, you see her sorrow as she looks at her last living son watching her with tears forming in his eyes as if he felt that gut-wrenching feeling too at his young age.

“Aegon,” you mutter and tear your eyes away from your mother to try and plead to your uncle now as you’re struck with horror. “Please, please don’t do it.”

“There’s only one punishment for Usurpers,” he rebuttals nonchalantly.

You look back at your mother and try to fight the reality of what is going to happen by throwing your head back and hitting Ser Jason on the nose.

He yelps and lets you go, letting you swing your fist to punch the other knight. But you’re slow because of your wound, so he catches your fist and the other guards run over to you to grab your arms and then slam you to the ground so you wouldn’t try to desperately fight back.

“Let me go!” You bellow and squirm even if that begins to hurt your wound. “LET ME GO!”

“Dracarys,” Aegon commands, making your heart drop to your stomach, and for tears to stream down your face while rage begins to boil within you.

However, flames don’t light the yard, or bathe anything in flames, Sunfyre remains unbothered, making you let out a small nervous, and dry laugh.

Astraea would never do that to you, she’d listen regardless of her state. She’s your soulmate, she knows your every intention, your every feeling, just like you know hers. Sunfyre and Aegon though? What a joke.

Yet you don’t say anything snarky, you keep quiet and watch the scene ahead of you with fear nevertheless because Ser Alfred then walks to your mother with a dagger in his hand.

When he reaches her he shoots her a smirk before he stabs his dagger through the fabric of her gown to prick her breast.

“Aegon!” You call out helplessly without any amusement now. “Please don’t do it! Please!”

You try to fight away the men holding you down, but they counter by slamming you back to the ground.

“No! Please! I beg you, please,” you mewl.

This time Sunfyre rises as the smell of blood enters his nose, and leans her head towards your mother to sniff her.

“Aegon! PLEASE!” You beg, and hear Daenys cry louder than you thought possible. “Please,” you cry.

Your mother turns her head as Sunfyre opens his mouth. “I love you,” she mouths, making you sob.

“MOTHER!” You cry. “Aegon, please don’t do it!”

Nothing changes and now unlike before bright flames blast out from Sunfyre and bathe the woman you have loved your whole life.

There right across from you is your last hope, your only home burning away. Yet you still try to call out for her out of desperation. “Mother! Mama!!”

The flames are quick to eat at her flesh, but she manages to throw her head up and shriek a curse at Aegon that you don’t catch because all the noise around you just tunes out. Even your sight blurs, only letting you focus on the bright flames that consume your mother before suddenly Sunfyre’s jaw closes around her, making you finally cry out in pain.

“NO! MAMA!” You begin to sob and stop fighting as your world comes to an end at that very moment, on the same day she had given birth to you 20 years back.

Every ounce of strength, every ounce of courage, of love, perishes with her, leaving only a soulless body in agony.

The moments after that don’t even register in your mind, you can only watch the spot where she had been. You can only see the single piece of her that Sunfyre leaves untouched. You can only hear deafening silence as Daenys finally stops crying.

And when the guards finally pick you up moments later, you don’t notice a thing. You’re too numb to it all until you feel yourself fall to your knees. After that you realize you’re in front of Aegon.

“No remarks or stupid quips now?” He retorts.

You drop your gaze and shift your gaze to where your mother's body is and continue to watch in horror and anguish. Once again the thought of death is a welcoming fate, if he wants to kill you now then you won’t fight it. You’ll die with her the same way she gave you life 20 years back.

“What should I do with you?” Aegon questions. “Kill you? Make you watch your family die? I do have your smart-mouthed bitch of a cousin here.”

You blink in disbelief and slowly look over at him, earning his surprise.

“Oh, you’re listening now, are you? Yes, Baela is here. Her dragon is dead and yours will follow.”

You clench your jaw and glare at him.

“Where is your dragon?” He asks in a threatening manner.

You answer with silence, so he has Ser Alfred come over and hit you again. And it’s only because of the pain that you do answer. “I don’t know. I left unconscious and when I woke I was already here,” you mutter in a hoarse voice.

Aegon exhales deeply and averts his gaze to think for a moment before he looks at one of his men. “Find where Astraea is and have her killed. I can’t risk having the Princess revolt.”

Your breath catches and you shift forward.

“Bring me Aegon,” he then continues, making you stand up in horror.

The knights try to get you back on your knees but Aegon demands them to let you stay as you are.

“He’s just a little boy,” you interject shakily. “Please.”

“We should have him killed,” Ser Alfred suggests making you snap your head to him and snap back.

“You shut up, this is not your problem.”

He immediately furrows his eyebrows and moves to counter violently, but Aegon puts his hand out and stops him. And of course Ser Alfred listens like a leashed dog.

“The princling may be a child now but he will grow and seek revenge,” Ser Alfred continues as a guard brings over your brother. “Just like her own son.”

“No!” You bellow out and try to step forward, but Ser Jason holds you back before you can reach Aegon. “Please my children have no fault in this. Nor does my brother please.” You beg and fall to your knees in defeat in front of Aegon.

You disliked him when you were young, and hated him when you returned to King's Landing. You only bent the knee to him before so you wouldn’t be thrown in a dungeon and so you could stay at Aemond’s side. You were playing a part, but now, even after witnessing your mother die because of him, you willingly fall on your knees and plead to him without animosity.

This was you at your most vulnerable in front of someone you swore you’d never show an ounce of kindness to. Someone you always defied and looked down on even as he was king.

“Please, do with me as you like, but I beg you, Your Grace, don’t harm my children, or Baela or my brother, please.” You beg and bend over on the floor with tears rolling down your cheeks. “Please Aegon.”

The crippled King sighs and stays quiet for a moment before he responds. “Aerion and…the other two are my brother's children, I will not have them killed, they will be raised by my mother.”

You sigh with relief even if that’s a nightmare too.

“And Aegon? Well, Rhaenyra still has allies, he can still be of some use to us. But you?”

You lift your eyes and watch him as he watches you with a smirk.

“Hm, I am in need of a son.”

Your breath catches and you grow angry.

“She killed your brother, Your Grace,” Ser Alfred interjects.

“Yes,” Aegon agrees quietly. “She threatened me as well, hm.”

Please no. Please no.

“She betrayed Aemond and the crown, for that you should be punished,” he adds seriously and hums softly before he interjects. “Ah, I know, let’s see if you really are The Unburnt. Ever since I woke up, that's all I've heard. The Realms Golden Girl, The Siren of Driftmark evades death by fire and proves to be a dragon indeed.” He chuckles. “I want to see it.”

You swallow thickly and get yanked off the ground, making you see his ugly face again.

“If you die then oh well, but if you live then…well, we’ll see.”

You scoff and Ser Jason pulls you towards Sunfyre, and once again you grow rigid when you stand over what remains of her; ash and a single leg.

“Is this really the right choice, Your Grace?” Ser Jason protests as if he hadn't just betrayed you, your mother, and everyone you came with. “She is still a Velaryon, the Sea Snake's own blood.”

You curl your lip to scowl and peer back to remark sharply. “You want to be a savior now, do you? What happened to loyalty?!” You turn around and shove him back. “What happened to friendship? You really think you would have made your father proud?” You share on purpose. “You are no son of Daemon Targaryen, he died for his family, what have you done but acted like a coward. He would be ashamed of you.”

Ser Jason’s eyes snap to look at Aegon nervously, and you look over with pride, hoping this would be his end.

“Your father is Daemon Targaryen?” Aegon questions seriously.

Ser Jason lets go of you to instantly kneel down and bow his head. “Yes, but I am only a bastard. Nothing more. He didn’t even know I existed.”

Aegon hums and looks out at the sky as if Greyghost would appear in the clouds all of a sudden.

“Indeed you are a bastard,” Aegon says and looks at Ser Jason. “It’s why you betray my sister, it’s why no one will ever want you on the throne…”

Your eyebrows slowly knit together in confusion as you begin to grasp where this is going.

“But you have a dragon and unfortunately those are a scarce few now. Thus you will continue to be at my side as my Commander of the Kingsguard.”

It feels like getting stabbed in the back all over again, how could Aegon let Ser Jason live? Why?

Because Ser Jason is a man and has a dragon? Or is it just to mess with you?

“You honor me, Your Grace,” Ser Jason says without so much fear in his voice now.

Aegon sighs and nods stiffly before he looks back at you and smirks again. “Now, move away, and let’s see if my niece's flesh is really fire-made.” He snickers.

You try to move away but you’re brought back by the traitor before he steps away.

“If it’s a challenge you want!” You exclaim to avoid revealing a power that would make you his war prize. “Then I demand a trial by combat!”

Ser Criston is dead, Aemond is dead, and so is Daeron, any other challenger can’t compete with you. You can win and not show him the blessing the gods gave you.

“Now why would I want that?” Aegon presses and leans back in his chair.

“To show you’re no coward,” you spat.

Aegon grimaces and since he can’t stand he just gives the command. “Dracarys.”

Sunfyre lifts his head and leans towards you to smell you the same way he smelled your mother. You lift your chin to the sky and stare into his eyes with no ounce of fear only out of your pride.

The Golden dragon then pulls his head back and opens his mouth, but he just lays back down, making you smirk. However, this time Ser Alfred doesn’t need to be told twice before he storms over to you to stab your wound just enough so it can bleed again, making you groan and stumble.

Sunfyre smells the blood, but he’s lazy now and slowly lifts his head off the ground to face you. You can't hold your own weight and fall to your knees as you grab at your bleeding wound. The golden dragon opens his jaw and draws in a deep breath before he breathes out and bathes you in bright flames. And just like the other times your gown burns off your body, the armor begins to melt off your chest, and the wound that they had reopened gets sealed because of the hot flames.

At this instant, you wish you would perish too, but you prove to be as resistant to fire as the other times. Yet unlike before you don’t stand with pride now, you don’t show off your life proudly, you stay on your knees and begin to cry as you see the only remaining part of her that was left.

“Mama,” you weep and bend down to press your forehead against her remaining leg, hoping deep inside that it’d somehow bring her back. “Mother.”

The burning flames stop bathing you, and scattered gasps sound around the room. But you don’t know if it’s because you’re unscathed or because you’re naked.

Both probably knowing these men.

“So it is true?” Aegon asks rhetorically as you stay curled up to avoid being seen. “Hm, well that changes things.”

Hurried footsteps approach you, and before you can see you feel a warm cloak over you.

“Get on up my Princess,” you recognize Vanessa say before she grabs your arm, making you let go of your mother's limb to let her help you up and wrap her cloak around your body.

No one else bothered to do it as quick as she did, and knowing Aegon he would’ve left you like that for his pathetic court to see.

“We’ll marry then,” Aegon announces, making you gasp in horror. “That was the condition if you lived.”

He just killed your mother in front of you and he wants you to go on with this stupid propsal? He wants you to be his wife after what he did? What he’s done?

All those wounds must’ve really driven him mad.

“I’d rather die than marry you,” you spat out as Vanessa holds you against her. “So kill me instead. Aren't I a threat to your precious throne?”

Aegon shakes his head and you don’t notice any actual fear for you. “No,” he says. “You won’t be a threat when you’re my wife and when I put a babe in your belly.”

You look at him in disgust and then look around the yard for something sharp frantically, but it seems Vanessa knows your intention and grips onto you tighter knowing you don’t have the strength to fight her.

“Let me go!” You cry out. “Let me go!”

Grief doesn’t let you think straight or strategically, you’re so empty inside that an end sounds like sweet mercy.

“I will not marry him! I will not marry you!” You bellow and squirm, but Vanessa fights you back while the guards approach cautiously. “Let me go!”

“Shut up!” Aegon bellows, managing to cut you off. “You will marry me! I am your king and you will do what I want!”

You swallow thickly and meet his gaze with slight surprise. He’s never risen his voice like this ever. Or at least not that you know of.

“Do you really think I’d put you to the sword?” He adds with anger. “I am not simple, your blessings will gift me a powerful son. One who will not be questioned or usurped. So I will have you in chains if I must.”

You huff out and glare him, but he doesn’t care.

“Let it be known!” He declares with pride. “The time for hiding is done. Let the ravens fly so that the realm may know the pretender is dead, and their true king is coming home to reclaim his father's throne with a new Queen at his side!”

You should fight back, you could take him with you with one blow. That way you won’t have to marry him or bear his children. You’d die but that’s mercy compared to what he wants.

However, the guards surrounding you take you from

Vanessa and drag you towards Aegon.

“Give her some clothes and chain her before you throw her in a cell,” he says. “So she may learn not to speak back to her betrothed.” He snickers.

“And my children?” You question before you can get taken away.

Aegon sighs. “Well, we can’t possibly send them to my mother now with the Velaryon fleet in the way, so you better hope your handmaiden and the others can take care of them.”

You look over at Vanessa and she offers you an assuring nod before you’re torn away from the yard so they can do what they were told.

When you get thrown in a cell all that spirit you showed to counter diminishes and all that there’s left is that empty shell. However, in the silence that filled the cells, there’s a sudden shift against the hard bed in the cell next to yours.

At first, you ignore the noise and numbly watch the wall beside you, but it then comes to you; Baela is here and it’s doubtful that Aegon locked her away in some fancy room. She would find a way out for one, and two, she is—was loyal to your mother so she’s a traitor in his eyes. One who fortunately doesn’t have fire-made flesh.

“Baela?” You call out quietly. “It’s y/n.”

There’s another shift before you hear footsteps and then her voice near the wall. “Y/N is it really you?”

You slide off the hard-ass bed and see a little window that looks into her cage by the wall, so you carefully get down and peek through, noticing now that she was there trying to peek in too.

“Baela,” you say again, but with relief now.

Said girl sighs softly before she responds. “Why are you here?”

She doesn’t know. How could she? But how can you tell her? You can barely accept it yourself.

“My mother…” you pause and sigh deeply. “She’s gone. Aegon put me here to teach me a lesson.”

Baela gasps softly and leaves the cells silent.

“I’m sorry,” you tell her softly. “I know she meant a lot to you too. And I’m sorry about Moondancer. He told me what happened.”

Silence lingers on her side for a moment and you stay there waiting. Even if she didn’t speak you’d wait because right now she’s all you have.

And after a while, she finally breaks her silence. “I’m sorry too. I’m sorry you had to see that. But know…” she trails off to soften her voice. “We will get our revenge.”

You turn and sit against the wall before you feel your bottom lip tremble. “No…I just want to go home,” you whisper.

“Hm?”

“I don’t think I can do it anymore,” you explain with tears. “I have fought this war in the name of revenge, look where that’s got me?” You drop your head and look at your hands. “You and Rhaena are all I have left. If I continue to fight and lose you too I’ll truly have nothing. So all I want now is to go home. I want to go back to when grandmother was still alive, when I had Jacaerys and Lucerys….we’d fight, they’d annoy me, but I want to be with them again. I want my life to go back to the way it was,” you cry. “I know I was always dreaming of more but I want to be that naive again.”

Baela let’s out a shaky sigh. “Me too,” she whispers. “But we can’t have that now can we?”

“If I stay here and close my eyes maybe I can have some of it,” you mutter. “Maybe I can be with my mother again instead of having to marry him.”

“What?” Baela gasps.

You exhale shakily and nod as you clutch onto your aching wound. “Yes, he saw what I possess and now I have to marry him.” You scoff. “I’d rather fling myself off the highest tower than marry that bastard.”

Baela chuckles softly. “We fought and now he can’t move his legs, or get it up, so I wouldn’t worry that much about him.”

The corner of your lips pull to a proud smirk. “I saw that. Good job, it’s what the bastard deserves.”

“He deserved death, but we can get that together can’t we?” She asks hopefully.

And she’s right, all you may be is an empty husk, but there is one lingering emotion; anger, raging anger. There’s no hope, no joy, no love, it’s all gone, and any remedy to gain it all back died with your mother. Rage is all that they left you with, so you’ll show it off. Because you did promise in that state between life and death didn’t you?

You’ll see it through and make sure every single green member is dead. Even if it means you die at the end too.

“We can,” you assure Baela.

“You’ll be Queen,” she adds. “That’s what he'll make you, so be The Queen you were meant to be.”

You smirk and once again lay on your stomach to look through the bars, causing Baela to lean in closer to be able to wrap her hands around the bars and show off the scar that was now carved on her face.

“We’ll show them fire and blood,” she mutters with anger.

You nod stiffly and carefully wrap your hand around hers. “They should’ve killed us,” you say smugly. “That was their mistake. Now we’ll show them true fire and blood.”

“Together,” you mutter at the same time.

——

*TWO MONTHS LATER*

Full moons came and went though, and as they did the marriage Aegon promised didn’t come. You weren’t ecstatic about it either, you’d rather it not happen and hope that maybe Cregan saves you before you have to marry Aegon. But regardless, becoming Queen has taken longer than you thought. And with the days that passed so did your fiery spirit that Baela lit.

Every day you’re plagued by the day of your mother's death, every day you see her get bathed in fire, and every day it takes more from you than you thought. Little by little you stopped talking, you ate only because they forced you, and you stopped asking about your children’s status; as much as you wanted to care for them you couldn’t care behind a cell. Everything just felt…bleak.

Then again it’s that same rage that’s keeping you sane, that’s keeping you going. Every day before your sadness takes over you think of the ways you’re going to kill Aegon Targaryen, his bitch mother, and every other green supporter. It plays in a loop on and on and on.

And you can say it consists mostly of death by dragon, which is something you could’ve done, but Astraea hasn’t come close to Dragonstone. Or so it’s what Vanessa has whispered in your ear. Apparently, the last time she was seen she was heading North, as to why she’d go there without you, who knows? Perhaps she knows your heart's desire.

Regardless, with her gone, it’s a relief because she gets to stay alive, but it sucks because Aegon is taunting you over it, thinking she abandoned you. Which is not true but he can think what he wants as long as she doesn’t hurt her.

However, having her here to escape would be nice, now you just have to wait and think about what Aegon has brewing. Wait and think in the darkness, in the cold cell as winter only develops further so far south.

The one good thing about being trapped is that you have Baela next to you, she often talks the most, but in moments like now, you fill the silence with quiet singing only because she asks. However, the door that leads to the cells opens and you go quiet to see who’s coming.

And to your surprise, it’s Ser Jason in his tainted Kingsguard uniform. “Oh,” you groan. “It’s you. Long time no see, traitor. I’d hope you would have died already.”

Ser Jason sighs and walks to your cell as other guards walk towards Baela’s. “The King is requesting the presence of the both of you,” he says and enters your cell with chains.

“Oh,” you mutter and watch him hook chains around your ankles. “He remembers about us? I thought he forgot about his betrothed.”

“You wish,” Ser Jason says in a lighthearted tone.

You glare at him and look at him with disgust. Who does he think is? What does he think happened in the two months you’ve been stuck here?

He’s truly a madman.

“Look,” he whispers as he grabs the other set of chains and works them around your wrists. “I can only help you if you behave. Please. I don’t want to see you hurt.”

You meet his gaze and scoff. “Too late now, huh?”

When he's done you push yourself up and wait for him to grab your arm to pull you out himself. Baela gets pulled out at the same time, but they made sure to keep her behind you so you wouldn't touch or speak.

“What is this about?” Baela asks as you’re being taken to Aegon.

“We had things to do,” you interject dryly.

Ser Jason scoffs but no one answers the question. Not like you needed it answered because when you stopped at the courtyard you saw a wooden stage, and the great Golden dragon, Sunfyre, dead behind a puffy-eyed Aegon.

Yet you can’t say you form any sympathy for the man, only the dragon. He deserved better.

“Your Grace,” you greet. “You look well, doesn't he Baela?” You ask and look over at your cousin.

Baela looks at you and nods stiffly. “Quite, we did pray for your recovery after all,” she lies, making you nod in agreement.

Aegon scoffs but doesn’t counter to your sarcasm, he just glares at Baela and spats out. “You killed Sunfyre.”

You narrow your gaze on him and glance at the dead dragon.

“Now I shall kill you,” he sneers with his eyes glossy.

“Wait,” you protest now with your anger shaken. “Aegon you promsied. Please.”

“I didn't promise you anything,” he counters spitefully. “Nor do you deserve any favor granted. You’ll watch her die just like you watched your cunt of a mother die. Just like you watched every member of your family die.”

You curl your hands to fist and burn your glare deeper into him. “Shut up,” you exclaim.

“Again you’ll watch and beg to your gods as your family dies and you can do nothing about it,” he adds, making you cry out of anger, and lunge forward, but of course, his Kingsguard captures you and pulls you back before you can get anywhere near him.

“Take Baela to the block,” he demands, and no one takes a moment to hesitate, they drag her along and she of course goes with dignity and her head raised.

“Aegon!” You call out without tears now. “Let her go!”

He ignores you and the guards yank Baela down to lay her head on the block. Your heart skips a beat and you step forward.

“Aegon! She is still Laena Velaryon’s daughter!” You exclaim between heavy breaths. “She is the granddaughter of Lord Corlys. If you ever want to go home you need to keep her alive or else the entire fleet will descend upon you.”

Aegon raises his hand and the executioner puts his weapon back.

“She is right, Your Grace,” you can hear the maester tell Aegon near his ear. “If we kill Lady Baela now any chance to have Ser Alyn and the fleet join us will be lost.”

You glance at Baela and offer her an assuring smile before you meet Aegon's gaze.

“Very well then take her off,” Aegon commands, letting you sigh with relief and drop your shoulders. “Send a raven to Ser Alyn,” he adds and looks at Baela. “If Ser Alyn does not present himself in a fortnight to do homage to his rightful liege, Lady Baela will lose her head.”

You swallow back nervously and step back with different curiosity’s filling your head. “And what about me?” You ask and earn his attention.

“We’ll marry of course. If Alyn doesn’t bend the knee I will destroy him, and Driftmark and the fleet will fall to your son. I can only secure that by marrying you,” he explains, making you grow cold. “Tonight.”

You blink repeatedly and scoff in confusion. “But, what of the proposal? What of your grief?”

Aegon shakes his head. “It all doesn’t matter compared to you now does it?” He smirks, and your frown deepens. “Now have her prepared for our wedding. If the gods are good we’ll present my mother with a grandson soon.”

You drop your head and huff out deeply before you’re dragged away in defeat.

——

*LATER*

“One flesh,” Aegon mutters with a softness and joy, while you drag your words along with him with a shaky voice and tears in your eyes. “One Heart, one soul, now and forever.”

You spoke those words to one person long ago it seems. On a cliff that overlooked the sea you loved, not a courtyard where your mother died. Aegon was there in attendance that day too, dozed off in his own thoughts and hangover or drunk who knows.

Astraea and Vhagar watched from where they fit, but no dragon song will fill the air this time, no majestic dragons stand witness. The company you had wasn’t pleasant before, Helaena is the only exception, but at least this time your kids are here, and so are Baela and your friend Vanessa. Everyone besides that is irrelevant, people just standing as witnesses for Aegon so everyone knows who you’re becoming.

A beautiful and blazing horizon accompanied you that day too, adding to the beauty of that day, adding joy and warmth. But this time the sky is white and snow flutters down over the yard while the coldness nips at your skin.

Which, in a matter of fact, it’s believed in the North that if it snows during a wedding it’s a bad omen. Let’s hope that’s true this time. Hopefully, the cut you make on Aegon's lip with the dragon glass will kill him. You surely make sure to have a heavy hand when cutting his bottom lip.

He winces but you don’t comfort him, you stand stiffly as he cuts your lip, and never meet his gaze that is watching you with too much wonder. You then proceed to paint blood glyphs on each other's foreheads, but you don’t smile with awe now.

“<Now,” the maester says in sloppy High Valyrian since he only agreed to make the wedding in your Valyrian culture because Aegon wanted it that way. “Cut your palms to let your blood mix together and unify as one.>”

Aegon is gentle with his cut, one because he can barely hold the damn blade, and two, because he thinks he’s doing you a kindness.

You’re not so kind, you cut deep again, and force yourself to hold his hand as you mix your blood on the goblet below your united hands.

“<Blood of two,” the maester continues to say as he grabs the goblet and pushes it towards Aegon. “Joined as one.>”

Aegon takes the cup and takes a long sip. And when you take it you take a quick sip and fight the need to gag at the bitter taste of blood.

“<A future promised in glass, the stars stand witness. The vow spoken through time, of darkness and light.>” The maester finishes saying, making you utter the same vow as before with Aegon.

“<One flesh,” you mutter with tears in your eyes as you remember Aemond. “One heart, one soul, now and forever.>”

You close your eyes and tears roll down your cheeks as you lean in and press a kiss on Aegon's dry lips, solidifying the beginning of a nightmare you beg will end soon.

.

.

.

.

.

Tagged- @namelesslosers @stargaryenx @chainsawsangel @lauftivy @winxschester @cloudroomblog @llarue @padsdarlg @sofietargaryen @gracielikegrapes @dreaming-of-the-reality @itzelpeyton @patdsinner33 @mrsdominickstark @elaena-aerrin @todoroki-slut @snh96 @urmomsgirlfriend1 @nifujiswhore @sweethoneyblossom1 @kaetastic

[t0ast-ghost]

S2 episode 26 (Assignment: Earth)

- 🎵Gotta go back in time 🎶

- Guy with a cat. Probably the best thing to randomly beam aboard

- Bones gets so worried so fast

- SPOCK PETTING A CAT

- I like how the doors open just enough to let the cat in

- wtf is up with that vault door portal mechanism? No other show would do that, especially not new trek

- I like that the computer is sassing this guy

- That is the most ridiculous hat they’ve given Spock

- I like Miss Lincoln…“Very Groovy.” Omg I love her

- he just appears in a government base petting his cat

- OH SHIT THEY BEAMED THE POLICE UP

- goddamn Spock and Kirk in suits

- Spock in an increasingly ridiculous hat

- OMG MISS LINCOLN

- she’s talking to the cube. yeah I’d do that

- ya know I’d like a show that’s Lincoln, Seven, and the cat going through shenanigans

- “I have never felt so helpless.” Really, Kirk? There’s so many impossible situations you’ve been in, and this less lethal one takes the cake?

- So what I gather from this episode is they decided to make a rocket and now it’s basically not blowing up in space but rather in Europe and Asia, so they’re in deep shit.

- Kirk’s being an idiot

- “It is difficult to know which is best, Captain.” That’s so helpful Spock. So helpful.

- Kirk and Roberta squinting at the bright light while Spock and Seven just stand there

- SORRY?!? They just randomly show a goth woman sitting in a chair. And then I realized it was the cat (Isis)

- I think Roberta and Isis have really nice contrasts in costumes. I’d like to draw them.

- Spock and Kirk are practically finishing each others sentences

- The way they were talking I bet Lincoln and Seven would think, “What strange gay men from the future.” And each would mean it in a different way

- Can’t explain why but miss lincoln is now one of my favourite characters. Bring her back. Please.

Hello everyone. We’ve come to the end of another episode, and another season. I’d like to say thank you to everyone for whatever support you’ve given (‘specially comments, I love reading everything y’all have to say even if I don’t respond). I hope to see you again for the next season of thoughts.

On the next one :D

Masterpost

Episode teleplay by Art Wallace

Story by Gene Roddenberry and Art Wallace

[pretty-idol-hell]

Idol Land PriPara 11

The final battle...

Oh yes. Before I begin my post this time, to save me yet another round of asks, this episode and all the previous ones are viewable for free in the movie theater on the Idol Land PriPara app. Please download Idol Land PriPara. It's in your app store. Please.

And now...

NEW CUT IN THE OPENING OMG OMG POLOLO IS HAPPY NOW possibly only one episode left this season (maybe ever) and they still threw this in there GEEZ.... so much love in this show.

(Wait is her accessory the wrong color uguu...)

The episode begins right where we left off of course! Amari has challenged Mario to a duel. If he wins, she'll join (or c...combine??) with him and he can do whatever he wants, and if she wins, he can never show himself in front of her again. Mario solemnly agrees.

After the opening, Mario is laughing and making fun of Amari for how serious she was in challenging him. But he also quietly asks, "Do you really want to erase me?" Well, whatever, Mario is glad Amari is finally acknowledging him head on. He agrees again and asks if they are gonna just punch each other or what.

No sooner than Amari answers with "What!? We're idols, of course we are gonna perform!" a stage rises from the ground with the Hysteric Bunny and Fullmetal Rabbit logos on it, and everyone is instantly transported.

This includes WITH and Dark Nightmare, who now have their goat costumes removed. Koyoi and Shogo acknowledge this duel will determine Yui's fate as well.

Everyone questions what has caused the stage to form (it's GaarmageddonMi's doing if you ask them), but Janice, still powerless, suggests the system itself desires Amari and Mario finally settle things. The future of PriPara (Amari's kirakira vs. Mario's dark power) is in the balance.

In Amari's dressing room, Amari vows to protect PriPara, and everyone says they believe in her. They all turn to leave, except for Laala. She turns back to Amari, and begins a very important conversation.

Laala asks Amari, "Amari, do you really hate yourself? Why?"

She's of course referring to the previous episode, when she heard Amari yell that out in a moment of weakness.

Amari states that since junior high school she'd always felt left out everywhere she went, but since finding PriPara she was happy she finally thought she had friends and felt like she belonged. But then Mario appeared and started ruining everything, and it was all her fault. Mario is the version of herself from the past that she hates, so she has to defeat him.

"Do you have to?" asks Laala.

Laala doesn't like that Amari hates herself, because well, Laala likes Amari. But if Amari doesn't like herself, "Is this a love triangle!?"

"There is love inside hate", Laala tells Amari.

Laala doesn't quite remember where she heard that, but she's decided that it must mean hate is actually love. As Amari is trying to comprehend this for herself, Laala suddenly hugs her.

"I love you, Amari-chan!"

Laala turns to go, smiling and waving back at Amari as she leaves her alone with her thoughts.

Back at the stage, the tournament is ready to begin...

Janice needs a seatbelt to ride the stage.

Amari and Mario stare at each other from across the stage. Mario is grinning but he has noticeable bags under his eyes. They decide the winner is the person who can take over the audience (with kirakira or dark power). (A large portion of the audience is already being controlled by Mario, as "whatever" zombies.)

Without any discussion of who will go first, Mario begins. After his performance, a lot more of the crowd is converted, including Fuwari, Mikan, Ajimi, Dorothy... (Shion notes that Dorothy rolling on the floor saying "whatever" isn't that different than usual.)

Amari begins her performance, and she actually sings the second verse of Chaotic Hurricane (!!!) the entire time wishing Mario would just disappear. DISAPPEAR, DISAPPEAR, DISAPPEAR.

Amari's performance starts to shatter Mario's dark keys, bringing most of the audience back to normal.

Pleased with her performance, Amari looks up to find that what she wished for is actually coming true. Mario really is disappearing. Distressed, he shouts that he won't let himself disappear. He desperately asks Amari again, "Do you really want to erase me!?"

Amari is genuinely shocked and just stares as she seems to realize for the first time that what she's doing is basically killing him. Mario stops disappearing.

"That's right, you're not really going to erase me. Are you, Amari?"

But now that Mario is stable again, the duel resumes. They walk towards each other where they meet at the center of the stage. A third Making Drama begins where they immediately clash.

MAN I love the Making Drama battles Idol Land introduced. It definitely feels inspired by the battles in King of Prism.

As the battle takes place, you can hear a new song playing in the background. A duet between Amari and Mario.

The Making Drama ends without a clear winner. Amari knows she has to save PriPara, but something is holding her back. She remembers her earlier conversation with Laala.

"REMEMBER!" shouts Mario. "Remember your TRUE SELF!"

Amari thinks back again to her junior high self, the day she created Mario. But, overcome with embarrassment, she screams as loud as she can:

"DISAPPEAR!"

As Amari's scream creates shockwaves over the stage, Mario begins to disappear again. But this time faster than ever. He falls to the ground, half gone already.

Laala shouts, just loud enough to reach Amari:

"You can't erase him!"

And then Amari remembers. Further back, to when she was in elementary school and dreaming about being an idol. Then getting older, meeting Laala, and all the lessons she learned as we remember all the character development she's had gradually over the series episode by episode (damn this was such a good show...) up until the present episode when Laala told her "hate is love".

Amari realizes everything is connected, and the version of herself she loves and the version of herself she hates are both what make her whole.

"Don't disappear! Don't disappear, don't disappear, don't disappear!!" Amari cries as she runs to embrace Mario. Mario weakly says how he's always loved her spirit (I think).

But, just when it seems like he's too far gone...

Mario is solid once more.

"So, you need me after all, huh?"

"SHUT UP! I HATE YOU!" Amari yells, lunging at him without hesitation.

And actually punching him square in the face. Turns out that throwaway line from the beginning... not a joke haha! But well, since Mario is herself, Amari sees no need to hold back, after all.

"There, I won," she says as Mario is knocked to the ground and all the other characters just kind of stare into space not quite knowing what to make of this.

(Except Dorothy. Judging by her face, she's like YEAH! Give it to him.)

(I actually only noticed this on my third rewatch of this scene. Love these reaction shots where only one character has a different expression. Also feels like a callback to King of Prism haha...)

"You fight dirty!" Mario yells as he gets up and they both lunge at each other again. But instead of punching each other, this time, each sticks their key in the other's mic.

And then well.......

THIS

HAPPENS

um

There is probably a lot that could be said about

this

a lot of analyzing

Honestly though, thinking from the Japanese perspective I'm not totally sure what might be intended by this, so.

Let me just say.

Whatever this is

I like it.

Wow honestly

Even though they threw around the word "combine" a lot I was not. I was not taking it seriously. Like AT ALL.

Until now obviously.

Well also we know why Amari and Mario have the same birthday I guess.

The stage is destroyed and everyone is blown around as the Amari/Mario duet plays again (or is this a different one?) as ... let's call them "Amario", takes to the sky, literally grabbing the fallen key and putting it into the Yumeme in the sky.

Edit: Checked the credits before posting. Two songs are listed with a similar name, and I guess the combined version of them is called "Amarion" officially, according to the titles. CD release WHEN??? Anyway.

It seems Amari is the most in control here, and Mario is just kinda coming along for the ride ("whatever") as she borrows his power, but he seems to be enjoying himself all the same. They have trouble turning the key, actually bursting into flames in the process, and Meganii suggests it's because Mario's dark power reacting to the kirakira. But, eventually they are able to overcome it and the key turns.

But, Amarion is then sent rocketing back down to the ground, still burning in flames. As they fall, Amari thinks that she'll have to leave PriPara after this, for all the trouble she's caused. In the end, she's still left out. "Whatever......"

Mario asks her (in their head) if she really likes PriPara that much, and Amari says yes.

"Well, guess I've got no choice then," says Mario.

Mario separates from Amari so that he's the only one burning now.

Amari tries to reach out to him, but with a last "Whatever..." Mario allows himself to burn away... into nothing...

Amari yells for Mario as she falls, only to be caught safely in Pololo's hands.

And back in the sky, from the Yumeme, finally falls... Yui.

Yui's normal self somehow falls through the Yumeme, is converted into a beam of rainbow light, and emerges from Takki as her full idol self.

The Yumeme power is so strong everyone gets yumeme, even Shogo.

Gaze upon yumeme Shogo.

The yumeme spread to Amari and Pololo as well, as Pololo converts more bugs (the last?) into happy flowers.

The others wave up to Amari as she sits cupped in Pololo's hands and Amari waves back. But Amari then looks up to the sky.

"Mario..."

The Amari/Mario duet plays over the credits.

So.... I guess........ I.........

I guess first I... I will

I'll get my game predictions out of the way um

Obviously I think Yui will be added soon.

It's also high time they added Believe My Dream I guess? If we have to get an older song?

And um. I said there wouldn't be a gatcha for the last episode and I was wrong so. There may be a gatcha for this one. I think we may actually be getting that crazy half Mario half Amari coord. It's clearly a cyalume that we only got to see lit up. So, much like the Evergold team SCRs, we'll probably see the unlit version for the first (only?) time when it is added to the game. I'm looking forward to it. I just wow.

So.

My thoughts on this episode. Yes. My thoughts?

I guess anyone still reading this for some reason might want to know.

.........................

When I was in Japan at the beginning of this month, I visited Prism Stone Tokyo Station several times. And on my last visit, I decided to buy an Amari plush doll.

I took her down from the shelf I had placed her on in my house upon unpacking, so that she could sit with me here right now as I rewatch the episode and write this post. So I could hold her, hug her, and poke her as necessary.

....During the time I was in Japan, I was of course sitting on the cliffhanger from the last episode. I was already having a lot of emotions about Amari and Mario and... for a brief moment, I considered buying Mario too after I decided I was getting Amari. I did think that maybe, just maybe, I might regret not buying him based on what might happen in the next episode. But, still, I decided against it.

I do regret it.

She's literally without her other half. Amari, I'm so sorry...

I shouldn't be that upset about this but I kind of am.

This episode had a very important message.

It's hard to accept some things about yourself.

It's hard to look back.

But your awkward past. Your cringe OCs.

The imaginary anime boyfriend you made when you were in middle school that also may or may not be you sort of experimenting with yourself as the opposite gender???

That's... that's all you.

And that's OK.

Because Laala loves you.

But really though.

This episode left me with this terrible, hollow, lonely feeling that I can't or rather won't go into full detail about here. I'm sitting here, playing with Amari's bunny ears as I rewatch scenes from this episode over and over again to edit and add details to this post

and missing a person who doesn't exist.

But in my case, I think he is too far gone. I deleted that novel. It felt right, at the time.

I'm sorry.

[thelightsandtheroses]

Between the Shadow and the Soul | Joel Miller x female reader

Pairing: Joel Miller x female!reader, Summary: In the wake of your brothers leaving the QZ, you find yourself drawn back to Joel. What follows is something neither of you can vocalise, you are one thing outside of closed doors and another together. As time goes on, it gets harder and harder to keep this divide this though until something happens that leaves you no other option. Content Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI please and thank you. By continuing to read you affirm you’re over 18, f!reader, smut, drinking, swearing, description of an almost assault that is stopped and fears of walking home alone, with that there are allusions to fear of SA but nothing happens, and there is a blink if you miss it element of PTSD. Author’s Note - This links to Into The Fire but you do not need to have read that to understand or follow this at all. They’re separated but linked and I’m toying with extending this in the future if people are interested as I have some ideas about how this could extend into a series that follows the main plot and then into Jackson either as a chapter fic or interconnected one-shots. Let me know if you have any thoughts here as I’d love to gauge if there’s interest. Also, there’s a little Easter egg for episode one in this fic, so let me know if you catch it. Title is from Pablo Neruda’s sonnet XVII. Word Count: 6k

 Into the Fire | Masterlist

Your brother leaves the QZ on a Wednesday. It’s him, Tommy, and the other Fireflies.

It’s been just 48 hours since he said he was leaving, less than 36 hours since you went to Joel Miller’s apartment to try and get him to join you in stopping this. It’s been 12 hours since you have been able to make some semblance of peace with your brother.

You lied through my teeth when you said that you would support my brother’s decision, blatantly fibbed when you said you respected the fact he felt he needs to go.  You both knew you were lying but we both pretended you were convincing. If the worst happens, you can hang on to that. 

Your older brother squeezes your shoulder and says that he’s proud of you as you watch your baby brother leave and you oscillate between wondering whether you want to cry or punch him hard in the face for not helping you stop our little brother from doing this.

It’s strange to feel both hurt and numb at the same time.  You feel too much and too little and all you know is this feels like an ending.

Days pass without major event. That’s the thing; your world can change in a moment, but the QZ endures and everyone else carries on unaware. There are ration cards to earn, trade or covet, jobs to do. 

You throw yourself into extra shifts of work, into finishing that book you’ve been meaning to. Distraction is your best weapon. Your apartment has never been so clean, your work so exemplary. If you’re not too exhausted to think at the end of the day, then that’s what the pills and alcohol are for.

Joel and Tess went on a supply run the day after that night so you’ve been able to avoid them both. You’re not entirely surprised; you knew he wouldn’t be there when Tommy left. There was enough said and left unsaid that night that told you everything you needed to know about how Joel felt about his brother’s decision.

 They’re gone for nearly a week before you hear that they are back.

You can’t quite articulate what brings you back to Joel’s apartment. You don’t expect anything; you’re curious though; curious about how he’s taken Tommy’s departure, about the supply run and what they’ve found or traded, about him in general.

It isn’t Joel who answers the door though; it’s Tess.

“Huh,” she says before opening the door wider for me to walk through.

Everything in you tells me to turn around, to make your excuses but you don’t. You walk inside instead.

Tess has made her way to the kitchen area, picks up a half-drunk glass of alcohol. It strikes you that she’s so comfortable in Joel’s space doing this, that it’s obvious Joel isn’t here right now, but he trusts Tess enough to let her be here.

You’ve made a mistake. The two of you clearly made a mistake.

Tess takes a gulp of her drink and then leans against the kitchen cabinet. “You’re looking for Joel.” It’s a statement not a question.

You nod slowly. “I can go.”

“Don’t.”

You pause in the hallway, nod and then walk back to the table, toy with taking a seat but instead dig my hands into your worn jean pockets.

Tess doesn’t move from the cabinet but just meets your eyes, an unreadable expression on her face.

Is this where she confronts you? Where she confirms your fear that her and Joel are like that that Joel lied, or you ignored my gut and it’s you, you are the one at fault here.

Will she yell, will she lay down her territory?

“So, was it a good run?” you ask after a moment; you’ve always hated silence. It’s the way that silences feel like a weight above you, keep you anticipating something. Eventually something has to break the silence, right?

“Same old, same old,” Tess says, shrugging insouciantly.

“Oh.”

“I should go, really, please don’t tell Joel I was here. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Look,” Tess begins, her fingers pinching her brow, “you don’t know what you’ve got yourself into.”

“I do,” I protest stubbornly because even if you don’t, if Tess says that you don’t know then you will argue until you’re blue in the face that you do.

“No, you don’t.” Tess looks at the floor for the moment and then meets your eyes. “Don’t put something on him you know he can’t give you, it’s not fair. It’s not fair to either of you. Look, you seem like a good - or maybe an alright person. We’re not.”

It’s not that simple, you think. You know all too well that men who seem charming and nice at the start can be the most heinous of them all - that good and bad don’t feel like binary values in this world anymore. You thought you were good once, but your survival has come at a cost.

You open my mouth to protest her words but she shakes her head at you. Neither of them seems bad; yes, there’s an air of danger, they’re certainly competent and you wouldn’t necessarily want to cross them. They don’t seem actively malicious though. Or is that just the version of them you’ve seen?

"He told you what happened?"

“He didn’t.”

“Then how did you know?”

“I came over the morning after - saw you leaving. Also, even if I didn’t, you just confirmed it. You’re not very good at this, if you don’t mind me saying.”

“Oh.” You have to say what’s next. “I didn’t - if I - I’m sorry if I stepped into something. I didn’t - I didn’t know if you were together. I’m honestly sorry if you are and I’m sure it didn’t -”

Tess laughs, it’s slightly bitter. “That man can’t be 'together' with anyone, sweetheart, that is the whole goddamn point I am trying to make.”

“It was a one-time thing.”

“Then why are you here, huh?“ She’s got you there.

You shift awkwardly in the kitchen, drag your foot on the floor and try not to look at you. Why are you here? What were you thinking?

“I’ll go,” You repeat, tightening the fist in my pocket.

As you open the front door, you walk straight into a solid weight. It almost takes the breath out of you.

“Crap.”

“What are you doing here?” Joel asks, because of course you would walk into him. Literally.

“I was leaving,” I say. “Sorry I uh -walked into you.” Walked into you, walked into this mess, walked into your apartment in the first place.

He clasps your wrist as you move to leave, he’s surprisingly gentle considering there’s a bruise on his knuckles. It looks fresh. You look down at the discoloured flesh and then back up at him.

“It wasn’t important, it can wait,” you say, swallowing and then looking anywhere but at him or Tess.

Joel doesn’t say anything. He loosens his grip on your wrist and then moves slightly to your side. “The problem’s sorted, Tess,” he says lightly. “Won’t happen again.”

You wonder if there’s a correlation between the problem and his bruised flesh.

“Fucking Robert,” Tess says, a mix of bitterness and almost cheer in her tone that you can’t quite reconcile.

You turn around and look at them both, trying to figure out what to do, whether you should just leave.

He hasn’t even said hello to you.

Joel drops a pack of ration cards on the table and places both hands on the table.  From where you stand you can see the outline of his back, his broad shoulders. It takes you back to the week before, to the way you had kissed the freckles on his shoulders and the way you’d felt beneath him.

There’s some sort of unspoken conversation taking place with him and Tess. She finally finishes the rest of her drink, takes a handful of the ration cards and then walks towards the front door, shaking her head at you and mumbling something you can’t quite decipher.

“Why’d you come?” he asks gruffly.

“No idea,” you say.

“Oh yeah?”

“They left safely, think they’ll try and radio in the next month or so, Tommy said,” you say as though that’s the message you came with, the mission you needed to carry out.

Joel turns and he’s facing you. “Right. Good.”

“Yeah.”

“You uh, doing okay now?”

You’re not sure how to reply to this; you’re surprised he’s asked, that it seems genuine. You’re also not sure what he’s asking; are you okay your brother left, or you okay after hooking up with him?

You nod. That seems an appropriate response.

There’s a protracted silence. It’s not entirely uncomfortable and you’re taken by the way Joel is carefully looking you up and down, calculating, making some sort of assessment.

“Since you’re here, you want a drink?”

“Sure,” you reply as you walk back to the kitchen table.

You know where this is going. You knew from the start after all, didn’t you?

The QZ has a sense of security; it’s strange, there’s comfort in the known, even when it’s corrupt. At least you know who your enemies are most of the time, who’s running the show. There’s a safety in that. It’s when you don’t know who to avoid you find yourself in trouble.

Since Joel came back from the last supply run, you’ve fallen into a new pattern. At least two nights a week you’ll find yourself in his apartment, tangled up together in secret.

You don’t think anyone but Tess knows about this. You haven’t mentioned it to your friends, to your brother. They seem oblivious to it all, each of them ensconced in their own dramas and relationships. Even Maria, who you live with and has been your closest friend for years doesn’t know. However, as she’s a smuggler too, you’re not sure how she’ll react to you being with Joel. They have a loose truce, but in the QZ all connections are fragile.

You’re not even sure how to describe what is happening with Joel and you to them.

There are no words, no platitudes, Joel Miller is not going to hold your hand in public, after all he can’t betray that he has emotions or vulnerabilities to others, can he? How would that work with his reputation? You’ve heard that even some of the FEDRA soldiers are scared of him. Joel Miller is a man whose reputation truly precedes him.

Around others, nothing has changed between the two of you. It’s when it’s the two of you alone that it’s different.

Then it’s kissing against kitchen counters as you pretend the edges aren’t digging into your back, hands entwined as you move to his old bed held up by breeze blocks. It’s fierce, desperate kisses and roaming hands. It’s heat and fire and safety wrapped together.

It reminds of you that Alanis Morrissette song you used to hear on the radio, the one where the only ironic thing about it was the fact that the song wasn’t actually using examples of irony. Outside of these walls, he’s one of the most intimidating men in the QZ, but when it’s just the two of you, well then you feel the safest you have in years.

You wake to a bright apartment. Next to you, Joel is still asleep and radiating heat that as winter sets in is far less unwelcome than before. One arm rests above your head while the other lazily hangs over your waist, his hand loosely entwined with yours. You lie there, listening to the sound of his breathing, the sound of his heart beating. He’s a solid, grounding presence like this.

For a second you allow yourself to indulge. You’re not in Boston, you’re not in a QZ in a ramshackle apartment that doesn’t even have a fridge. You’re in the Before. This is just another lazy Sunday morning and Joel’s here.

You can’t fully picture the man he might have been then, how you and him would have been something different in that world. Just thinking about the Before is strange for anyone who’s survived this long though. It’s hard to remember a time when people would run into a coffee shop after classes ended, when we’d think about supermarkets and buying groceries because there was so much choice. Which of the different tomato types or cheeses did you fancy today, how many types of toilet paper could there be? It’s almost obscene to remember it now.

The reality creeps in too soon.

The problem is moments like this; the ones where you can dream and imagine this is something else. It’s been months and neither of you have defined yourselves, there have been no words, no spoken confessions of feelings. Inside these four walls, there’s something, but outside you feel like he treats like an acquaintance at best.  You haven’t told your friends or your brother about this because you’re not even sure what this is. You don’t know what you mean to Joel. You started out in desperation and shared loneliness, what even can this grow into?

You try and ignore this, to live in the moment, but it eats at you a little. You wonder if it would be the same if you were Tess?

He turns over, removing his hand from your side.

“Hey,’” you say gently.

“Mornin’,” he mumbles, the Southern drawl thicker in his voice as he wakes up.

He props himself up on his elbow, regards you carefully. His gaze is piercing, like he can really see through you even with half-awake eyes and a drowsy expression. You watch how his expression sharpens.

“I’ve got work in a bit,” you say just to fill the silence.

“Okay. Tess and I are going on a supply run later today, might be a couple of days.”

“Bill and Frank?” you ask.

He nods and then shifts himself so he’s hovering over you, meets your lips and skims his hands down your waist.

You hum in approval, slipping your own hands around his neck and pulling him closer.

In these moments, these fleeting quiet moments, things don’t feel so bad.

There’s a louder and louder question in your mind though - what is this? What are we doing? What does it mean to Joel?

It might be sensible, but there’s a weight to whatever has developed between you and Joel. You can justify and understand why things are different outside to when you’re alone, but even when you know the reasons it tugs at old anxieties. Is it you, are you the problem? Maybe if you were more like Tess, maybe if you were different then he wouldn’t keep you a secret.

He’s never even told you how he feels about you. The two of you started in desperation and shared pain - what was you said to him back then? Don’t overthink it? Well, now you are.

 

It’s been a long day; your shift ran long after a clash between Fireflies and FEDRA. It’s strangely familiar; even when the world ends, we all still find a way to fight with one another. Perhaps that’s too reductive though.

Curfew is close, you walk a little faster down the street because you know you’re cutting it fine. FEDRA have been difficult recently; you don’t want to spend any more time in lock up.

 It’s this that motivates you to take the shortcut, to walk down the alley that will take you out closer to Joel’s apartment and mean you probably make curfew. You’re tired, exhausted from a long day of work and all you want is to be with Joel.

You hear the footsteps creeping behind you and your heart sinks.  In the Before you’d walk home with keys between your fingers in a clasped fist in your pocket for just this reason. How could you be so stupid? This is a moment you’ve been actively avoiding since you were a teenager, since before the outbreak. What have you done to save yourself a minute or two?

You’re angry too because why can’t you just walk down a street without this fear? What’s wrong with people?

You can’t berate yourself, not right now. You carefully look around you, try and think of a way out of this. You need to be practical, to swallow the panic that’s rising and get out of this. What would Joel or Tess do?

You’re almost out of the alley when it happens. He grabs at your shoulder, pulls you and then pushes you against the wall.

You don’t recognise him but you recognise the look in his eyes.

Mentally you try and remember the self-defence you’ve learned over the years; you’ve fought more people than this. This is nothing.

It’s just the way he’s so close and the panic and the -

“Let me go,” you say loudly, “You let me go now and we forget about this.”

“But I don’t wanna do that.”

“Let me go.”

“Hey, I’m just sayin’,” the man slurs, his foul breath on your neck. You push him off you and scramble to get away from him. He’s behind you and you manage to grab a loose brick from rubble on the ground and you’re ready. You’ve done this before and you can do it again.

He grabs at you and you raise the brick ready but something holds him back.

“Stop it, stop it! “a man yells, “Jesus, you’ll get yourself killed. Get away, now.”

He shoves the man away and takes a step toward you, hands raised in surrender as you take a step back. The alleyway exit is just ahead of you, you can make it through this.

“Look, you need to tell him what I did, okay? I stopped him, helped you out.”

“I had it covered.”

 “Look, you need to tell your guy that I helped you,” he says firmly.

“My guy?”

“Yeah, now he,” the man points in the direction of the other man who has run in the opposite direction, “he owes me too because I know your guy would have destroyed him.”

“My guy?” you ask again, the adrenaline starting to wear off as you drop the brick to the ground.

  “You tell your guy that Robert -” The name clicks straight away, this is the man who Tess and Joel deal with, who neither of them like. They won’t like owing him.

The QZ is alarmingly similar to high school. Gossip spreads faster than fungus.

You shouldn’t be surprised people know about you and Joel, you shouldn’t be surprised there are rumours.

You are though and you know Joel will hate this if he ever hears about it. About the way Robert already wants to exploit it into something else. A wild thought that this was a set-up immediately comes to mind before you squash it down.

You break into a run back to Joel’s. You won’t tell either of them what’s happened, you can’t.

Joel’s counting out ration cards on the kitchen table when you walk into his apartment. He spins around, a tense expression on his face, fists ready and teeth grit, and then he softens at the sight of you.

“Hey,” you say, walking over to him before getting a glass of water. “So, I take it you and Tess have been able to trade the stuff from your last run then?”

“Yeah.” Joel stands up, his posture stiff and it instantly raises an alarm bell. “So, Robert said some things today,” Joel says in a low voice. “You know him, don’t you?”

You swallow, feel the ground drop a little below you. You finish your water and place it on the counter, taking the time to think through what you say next.

“It was nothing,” you say, moving to him and placing a hand on his side in what you hope is a reassuring way. When you meet his eyes, you realise it though.

There’s some worry there, sure, but more than that, he’s annoyed. He’s annoyed because someone knows about what’s happening with the two of you, that you didn’t deny it or tell him, didn’t warn him.

It stings.

“I didn’t say anything to him.”

“You didn’t have to. Now he knows - or he thinks he knows something and the asshole is looking for a way to use it against me. Are you happy with that?”

“Why are you mad at me? I didn’t confirm it and I -”

“You didn’t tell me. If you’d told me before -”

“I thought you might worry, and I was - I was embarrassed, okay? I took a risk because I thought I’d miss curfew and I almost - it could have been really bad.”

Joel’s face hardens and you’re not entirely sure you’re making the situation any better.

“How bad?” For a second he softens, reaches towards you and cups a hand to your chin. You realise he’s checking for marks, he’s realised what could have happened, his eyes are dark with worry and anger and something else that you can’t identify.

“It was fine, I had it handled.”

“Sure. That’s what Robert said, that��s why he intervened and that's why he now he thinks I owe him.”

“I did have it handled,” you say, angry that Robert would use that moment against you like this. “I didn’t need him to intervene but he did and I didn’t ask him to. Nothing happened to me, okay? I stopped it. I stopped it.”

Joel is so close to you now, hands on your shoulders, eyes heavy. He nods at what you say, more reassured that nothing had happened to you. His head is bowed slightly, leaning against you and you move your hands down his arms to clasp his.

“Who was it?”

“No idea, just some guy -” Even if you knew him, you wouldn’t say his name with that expression on Joel’s face.

You pause before you continue because this will be the contentious part. “When Robert said about us- I didn’t confirm anything - and so what if I did?”

Joel scoffs, takes a step away from you and breaks the moment you start speaking.

“This isn’t fucking high school, sweetheart, we’re not going to announce we’re going steady in the cafeteria.”

“Who on Earth says going steady? Did you ever say that before?”

“No, of course not. It’s an expression. That’s beside the point. The point is - “

“What is the point?” you snap.

”You should have told me.”

“Maybe, maybe I should have. However going off this conversation, I’m pretty sure anyone would understand why I didn’t.”

“You’re impossible. How many people have you told about us, huh? Your friends been spreading it all around Boston?”

“You’re being a jerk,” you say, eyes fixed on the ground. “I’m not asking you to hold my hand and skip along the QZ in unison, Joel, don’t fucking be like this. I don’t know how Robert found out about us. Just please don’t blame me for something that wasn’t even my fault. Do you think I don’t realise that this - us - could put a target on my back? I’ve known that from the start and it’s why I’ve never pushed things.”

He swallows, clenches his fists and you realise that’s his main point. That’s the part that’s worried him. You’re not Tess - you’re not feared, you could be a vulnerability for him to others if it got out. Robert’s realised this, exposed a sensitivity Joel never wanted visible. You are tired though, you’re tired of being a tool for other people’s games.

You have survived too much. You’ve endured things you never can talk about, think about even, to get where you are today. You have fought and you have won some fights and lost the others, but you’re here.

You’re so tired of this though.

“You’re not being fair, Joel.”

He doesn’t say anything for a moment. You raise your gaze to look over at him again, to take in exactly how he looks, how he’s reacting.

His expression is blank but his body betrays him. He fidgets, how he scrunches and loosens his fist, moving his fingers.

“I know,” he says finally. “I know you didn’t say anything.”

You wait for a moment, hoping for more but he doesn’t say anything.

“Okay then.”

“I just - ‘s not, everything’s complicated.”

“You think I don’t get that? I understand why you want to keep us in here, I get that. It’s just if I don’t even know what we are? How could I say anything to Robert when I don’t know whether there is an us?” Now you’ve started you can’t stop.

He reaches for you, takes a step closer as you step back because if he touches you, if he holds you right now and you swallow these words, you’ll betray yourself. 

“I’m not as weak as you think. I know I came to you and I was upset about my brother but I’m not weak.”

”I don’t think you’re weak,” Joel says, looking up at the ceiling. “I didn’t think it then, I’ve never thought that. We walk in different worlds ‘round here, sweetheart so I have to keep it separate.”

“And I understand that. It’s just that I don’t even know how you feel about me and now we’re talking about it, I can’t not say it, Joel. We’ve been - doing whatever this is for months and I - I - I’m a person, Joel. I have feelings.”

He says your name; all desperation and despair.

“I don’t think this is working for either of us anymore,” you say, taking a deep breath.

You glance over at the breeze blocks below his mattress again, how it sums everything up perfectly.  A makeshift bed for makeshift love.

“I should go.”

You should have gone a long time ago, you should have left when you came to his apartment and spoke to Tess all those months ago and saved both of you this pain.

So this time you do and you ignore whatever Joel says behind you.

It’s for the best.

You scowl as you take in your apartment and listen to rain hitting the window. You are itching to do something different, but you’re not sure what you should do, or even what you have the resources and energy to do.

You can’t talk to your best friend about what has happened with you and Joel because she doesn’t know that you ever even slept with him the first time. It’s the same with your older brother and to be honest, things have been strained between the two of you since he supported your other brother in leaving with the fireflies.

You feel alone. You feel numb.

Hell, the only person you could talk to is Tess and you’re not even sure if she likes you.

There’s a knock at the door. You freeze. It’s past curfew which never means anything good. You quickly look around your living room for any visible contraband in case it’s FEDRA.

Joel’s standing there. You take him in for a moment; the way his six-foot frame dominates the door frame, his wet hair and unreadable facial expression.

“What are you doing here? It’s curfew!”

Joel raises his eyebrows smugly. Like curfew could ever stop him. You bite your lip so you don’t smile like you usually would because no, no you can’t smile at these things anymore.

As you turn away you’re sure you see his face fall slightly.

“Can I come in then?”

“Uh, yeah, sure.”

Since you’ve been together, most of your time has been spent at Joel’s. It’s quieter there, which may be more of an indictment of your own accommodation than a recommendation for his.

Joel stands awkwardly in your living room.  He’s rarely here as you live with your friend so his apartment has always been the choice. You’ve noticed before how every time he has been in your apartment, which has usually been to talk to you friend, he seems to be taking in some of the details, gleaning what he can from the small personal touches. Today is no different.  There are photos on your coffee table; you and your brothers, you and your best friend. Your brother found one of those Polaroid cameras once, it’s long broken now but there are some markers of your life, some semblance of normality.  You notice how he takes in the pile of books stacked next to your sofa, picks one of them up and flips the cover over to read the back. You almost smile at the fact he instinctively knows the books are yours and not your friend’s.

“Is - is it just you?” He asks tentatively.

“Yeah, uh - just me tonight. Maria’s over at Jason’s tonight.”

“Do you want a drink? I have some but it’s not the best quality.” Which is a polite way to say it’s really shitty quality moonshine.

“I’m good.”

“Why are you here, Joel?”

“You said some things.”

“So did you.”

“You said you didn’t even know how I felt.”

“I don’t.”

“You can’t mean that,” he says quietly. “You know, you have to know.”

“Joel, outside of your apartment I barely even exist to you!”

“I wanted to keep you safe, keep you away from what I do.”

“You think I’m safe from all of that? Maria is a smuggler too, I might not be, but I’ve been at risk if their operations fall apart from day one.”

You think about Joel’s words for a second, the ones you’d almost ignored as you launched straight into your planned words and defences.

“How do I have to know? What do I have to know, Joel?”

Joel doesn’t look at you. He doesn’t look like the Joel you see on the streets anymore, he doesn’t even look like the Joel you know from those nights, the one who knows every spot to touch and kiss and makes you feel like someone else entirely.

“ Look, I don’t know how to do this anymore, bein’ with someone, I mean. Reckon I wasn’t much good at it before the world went to shit.”

You raise an eyebrow at him. “I think you’re more than adequate -”

He smirks. “Not that,” he whispers, “You know what I mean.”

You do.

“It’s a lot for me too.” It is, there are parts of your history you haven’t shared with Joel, that you’re not sure if you ever will. It isn’t because you don’t trust him, it’s that those memories live locked away and you don’t want to release them, not now, not ever.

Joel closes the gap between you. “I was worried because you didn’t even tell me someone tried to hurt you. How do I keep you safe if. -”

“I could have told you, but I was embarrassed. God, Joel, I’ve known not to cut through alleys in the dark since I was a kid. I’m just mad that I have to think like that.”

“You shouldn’t have to,” Joel says, his tone softer.

“I should have told you about Robert, but Joel, I - I didn’t want to lose you.” You laugh bitterly. “Guess that worked out real well though.”

He puts his hand on your chin, guides you to meet his eyes.

“You haven’t, haven’t lost me. I was - you were right,” he mumbles. “I was a jerk. ‘M sorry. ”

You lean in to him and you’re about to say something back when he kisses you and every word you thought fades away. It’s gentle at first but he doesn’t break contact even as he moves you to your bedroom.

You work the buttons of his chambray shirt with your fingers. It’s damp from the rain outside, clings to his skin more as you peel it away, move down to undo his belt.

His kisses are becoming more familiar, more desperate by the second, as though you’ll stop him, you’ll tell him it’s over at a moment’s notice.

He guides you to your bed. 

His fingers skim the bare skin on your hip where your top has risen up with the movement, then  he traces up your waist to the edge of your breasts.

“You okay? This okay?” Are we okay? He’s asking that too you realise.

“More than,” you whisper, nod, and then wrap your arms around his neck to bring him back closer to you because you need him close, you need him.

He pulls you up to ease your shirt off, to unclip and remove your bra, kisses the hollow of your throat and traces a line down to your breasts.

Joel Miller might be terrible with words, but you realise he communicates in other ways.

He moves his right hand down to the edge of your jean, into your underwear and you bite back a groan at the heat building between your legs as he slips a finger inside you.

You moan as he finds the spot he knows turns you into putty.

“Joel -”

“I know,” he says, removing his fingers and making you gasp.

He tugs your jeans and underwear off, places a kiss on the inside of your knee as he uses his hands to prise you open more as he works soft kisses up your thigh to between your legs.

You buck against him as he presses his tongue against you. You grasp his hair as he kisses, sucks and teases you to oblivion. You shudder against him as you come and he eases himself up over you, kisses you so you can taste yourself on him.

“I need you,” you say, “Joel, I need you.”

“I need you too, you get that, right?” he asks before pulling off his own jeans, his boxers. He kisses you fiercely as he lines himself up and sinks into you.

As he moves in you, he wordlessly tells you everything you needed to know. It’s in each thrust, each sound, the way his hands entwine and interlock with yours as he gets even deeper.

Afterwards, after both of you have collapsed into each other, let go completely, he moves so he’s lying next to you.

His body glistens with sweat and you absentmindedly trace a scar on his shoulder. He kisses your hand and then looks at you seriously.

“You know?” he asks, running a finger down your cheek. “You know now, right?”

“Yeah, I do,” you whisper, because you think you’re finally a step closer to figuring this man out. You get it now, you get it.

Tag list: @harriedandharassed @pedrostories

Please let me know if you would like to be added to my tag list.

[waitmyturtles]

THE MORNING AFTER: ONLY FRIENDS, EPISODE 2 ("I PROMISED YOU THE MOONSHINE") EDITION

Being a day late to watching and writing about Only Friends allows me a little airspace away from the gasps and dopamine of the collective community first watch of each episode, and lemme tell ya -- my dash yesterday was so hot, it was like melting Tupperware on a stove. Unfortunately for many in the fandom, the ships are going to sink. That shower scene got some folks wrecked. Many folks on my dash have a sudden disdain for Neo Trai (poor kiddo). For anyone who reads around here, you might remember my implored begging of the Tumblr family to watch Gay OK Bangkok before Only Friends premiered, and I still stand by it. The Only Friends team -- Jojo Tichakorn, Ninew Pinya, writers Den Panuwat and Best Kittisak -- are playing with a lot of concepts that I thought were just FABULOUSLY explored in this second episode, and these concepts ARE going to lead to further innuendos and endings that the shippers are just not going to like. (I think GOKB primed us for this.) And frankly, by the way this episode played out (as we were talking about a couple days ago, @lurkingshan) -- I think that's a hell of a point that the team is making in our faces.

I'm going to get to this more in a moment. Let me explain more, by way, of all things (!) -- plum wine.

So a bunch of us meta clowns (cc @ranchthoughts, @chickenstrangers, @lurkingshan) were talking about a theory I had on Friday regarding the theme of ephemerality in the first episode. How Cheum indicated to Mew that there's a lot in Thailand that'll bring them down, from pollution to radiation. She wanted Mew to nab Top -- she indicated that life is fickle, so what did her homeboy have to lose? Go get yer man, she said.

@ranchthoughts, @chickenstrangers, @lurkingshan and I took this conversation further yesterday (please read all the reblogs on this link, folks, it's a great conversation!), exploring the many more references to the ephemeral, fickle nature of time and life that Only Friends is referencing. @chickenstrangers clocked that Yo's bar is called YOLO. @ranchthoughts clocked that Sand's bag of plum wine read "you only live once." @lurkingshan noted that Jojo's played around with the ephemeral before -- in Gay OK Bangkok, examining the impact of HIV on Bangkok's gay male population.

The reblogs of the post linked above also capture some common mentalities about the "future" for our current crop of young folks today (I... am not young, lol), particularly for the young queer community. That through climate change, the slow-snail-paced fight for equity (like the legalization of same-sex marriage in Thailand) (and even comparing it to the roll-back of rights for the LGBTQ+ community in the States) -- as @ranchthoughts wrote, there seems to be a stronger sense of "live fast, die young," among younger cohorts than when I was a young lass, born in the 1980s, when a middle management career could get you everything you needed, with a unfettered retirement in sight.

To me, the most wrenching references to the ephemeral in this second episode focused on death. "Do you want us to die?," Sand asked laughingly as Ray played around in the car. Top can't sleep alone because after a childhood trauma, he's afraid he'll die alone. Ray's deceased mom is shown with a glass in her hand.

And how are these young folks behaving? In the face of literal death, as they themselves are referring to it: they're living life very riskily. Top's a player. So is Boston. We hope they're playing safe. (Gay OK Bangkok had condoms all over the place. I haven't seen any yet in OF.) Ray's blood alcohol levels are clearly through the roof. Sand's committing a crime.

Say what now? Committing a crime?

I hope folks clocked that. What's REALLY making me shake my head is how slick the non-sexual commentary was in this episode.

Going back to my original post on ephemerality that I let loose on Friday: I talked about the metaphor of plum wine and the passage of time -- how plum wine tastes sweeter and better as you let it age.

Sand was pissed that his bottles of plum wine broke because he's making it himself. That's why he wanted Ray to pay him back for the lost supply. Sand lost both product AND time.

Making and selling plum wine is illegal in Thailand. It's like the selling of rotgut during Prohibition.

SAY WHAT? For real. Thailand's laws around alcohol are wild, y'all. The display of alcohol logos is weirdly regulated (I laugh at how bottles are often blurred out in Thai dramas), brewing alcohol within Thailand is insanely complicated (some people brew alcohol in Thailand, then bottle it elsewhere and import it BACK into Thailand to skirt these laws), and -- you cannot buy alcohol from 2 pm to 5 pm.

Remember we saw Ray sneaking some sips from a flask outside the hostel site? That's a major flag for confirmed alcoholism (drinking alone during the day). But also, if Ray wanted a drink during the hours of 2-5 pm -- he had to have the booze on himself to have a tipple.

We know Jojo does NOT shy away from political commentary. We saw it in spades during Dirty Laundry.

What I love about Jojo's work is that he's unafraid to call out the hypocrisy of these kinds of laws. The making of plum wine is ILLEGAL? In Japan, making umeshu is traditional. (It's also the easiest and most delicious thing ever, please try making it!). For many of us around the world, making umeshu is a hobby, and a perfectly safe one at that. Considering Thailand's economy is so dependent on tourism, and that Bangkok itself is a world-class city, you would think that the selling of alcohol wouldn't be so complicated, and yet... 'tis.

This leads me to what I saw as the second Big Theme of this episode, besides ephemerality: I saw a lot of hypocrisy in this episode.

We got the liquor laws bullshit. We got Boston. Boston strikes me as a hypocrite for setting up his friend Mew with Top -- all while Boston's still wanting to get with Top, to the point of sneaking into Top's shower.

And Mew strikes me as a hypocrite, too. He wants to "redo" the start of his relationship with Top?... on his own terms? So, they're not boyfriends anymore? After already....having dated? Believable, my dude. The guys are in a PatPran-esque battle of... something, and I don't think it's wits, because neither of them seem to have many wits about them. They seem to be more interested in just winning a goal that (except for sex for Top) seems wholly unclear. Does Mew not know that Top may very well NOT respect Mew? Is Mew aware that his read on Top may not be at all accurate? And.... does Mew actually care? I'm not convinced of it.

Live fast, die young. What does it matter to be a hypocrite if the future is unstable, if time is speeding by -- and if no one is holding these young folks accountable for their behavior, as I put into the tags of @ranchthoughts's post yesterday? As Nick says to Boston: "you're a rich guy -- you don't care much for things." What, exactly, would make these rich kids care about being ethical human beings?

Accountability is around the corner for this group. Nick is starting to catch feelings. Boston is wondering why he's getting rejected by Top. Sand's recognizing that Ray's sniffing out something between them (cc @neuroticbookworm) (and, who knows, as NBW first referenced in her post -- Sand might be catching feelings, too). All of these friends -- it's mindblowing! -- leave Ray alone, often, wasted off his ass, to get himself home, as Sand himself notes.

These characters are going to get hurt, and it's only a matter of time until we begin seeing it happen. At the micro-level, human to human, they will hurt each other. And society, Thai society, is doing these young people no favors by not helping to equalize the inequity between rich and poor -- as Sand has to take risks to sell illegal hooch, of all things, to just get by.

Wrapping this up with what I was mentioning up at the top about the jibbles that the fandoms are starting to feel towards the established GMMTV ships of this show slowly sinking. Isn't there a bit of hypocrisy there as well? This show is NOT going to be pretty for the ForceBook/FirstKhao established ships. What are we, as fans, going to do when that time comes? Will we condemn Jojo? Will we stop watching the show? Will we equivocate by way of blaming other characters?

This show should be celebrated already for the risks it's taking, and the risks it will take. (Remember: fans protested at the GMMTV building in 2019 when the KristSingto ship was broken for He's Coming To Me.) Only Friends deciding to take on the toxicity and hypocrisy of shipper fandom? Bring it on. We cannot only enjoy the performances of these actors when they're paired up with one repeating partner. As the life of Gay OK Bangkok depicted, as the life of Only Friends is depicting -- life is a whole lot more complicated than just a dreamlike, over-organized monogamy between two people (ahem, Mew). Life -- and TIME -- will bring complications and change, sometimes unwanted change, that we have to learn to handle and manage. I'm not colored surprised in the least that Jojo's making this experience for us jump out of the screen and into our own hearts, as we see our beloved actors take risks upon themselves by their breaking of their own ships. I am all here for it, and I hope the shipper fans can be, too.

(BIG UPS to the small meta army family -- @ranchthoughts, @lurkingshan, @chickenstrangers, @neuroticbookworm -- I'm so thrilled to continue being thoughtful with y'all!)

[oneatlatime]

The Chase part 2

Apologies for the technical problems. Battery power must be conserved for necessities, which unfortunately does not include Avatar. But the power's back on now, so!

Picking up from Toph treating a senior citizen like a snooker ball...

I do like how Mai's not shy about participating in Ty Lee's nonsense.

The way Zuko Jr. says "I'll follow this trail" is very menacing.

We're continuing last week's cowboy theme.

This village has the same menacing single windchime as the village in the Spirit World Part One did.

This was may more satisfying than I was expecting! It was completely unfair how easily the Fire Nation ladies defeated Sokka & Katara so getting Appa'd was a nice payoff.

No disability unmocked this episode. Also nice stance from the lizard.

This whole scene with Toph and Iroh has the most beautiful backgrounds. I sense phone wallpapers in my future.

Forget about the visuals, every line of this exchange was golden. Two towering pillars of wisdom and emotional maturity meet for tea and not a soul goes untouched. Also a nice moment of calm in an otherwise frantic episode.

Can this PLEASE be the rock bottom for Zuko. I can only take so much more second hand embarrassment.

Fully-provisioned princess of the fire nation v. sleep-deprived half trained avatar v. starving outlaw who seems to have forgotten to bring his swords, the only weapon he's good at. Place your bets, folks!

Zuko in a nutshell.

Ok so we're getting the whole gang back together.

The whole whole gang.

The whole whole whole gang.

How the hell did they mess up six on one?!?!

A princess can't surrender with honour when she doesn't have any!

That was kind of Katara to offer to help. I didn't expect that.

Final Thoughts

This episode doesn't let up once. Even the break with Toph and Iroh having tea doesn't do much to dispell the rising tension from the chase. The musical stinger that plays over the title card was a surprise bit of foreshadowing in that way.

That tank thing was neat. Shame about what it contained, but that's a really cool design.

Poor Appa was once again the MVP this episode. It was uncomfortable watching him get so exhausted.

It seems like the thin veneer of level-headedness cultivated by Katara over the last season or so is indeed quite thin. It was interesting to see how the different characters reacted to being tired. Sokka was alternatively amped up and completely chilled out, Aang got quiet (until he felt Appa was being insulted), Katara reverted to her early season one characterisation. It's hard to say with Toph, because we've only known her one episode (it feels like more) but I think she just got more Toph-like.

Please let this be the end in Zuko's experiment with independence. He's not good at it. He needs uncle. Points for trying, but he failed, so please bring uncle back.

Sokka low key wins this episode. He's the one with sense, the only one who stays clear-headed when it counts, and it turns out that clear head of his can defeat the pokey thing Ty Lee does.

I don't know how much time is supposed to have passed between picking up Toph and the start of this episode, but I can't help but feel that Toph really got the short end of the stick here. She did give up everything, even if much of what she gave up was not that great for her personally. And in return she got to travel in a way that completely blinds her and get yelled at. Meeting Iroh was a nice consolation prize.

Now I kind of want a story where Toph doesn't come back to the Gaang and instead goes around unleashing bending hell on the earth kingdom.

Was there no b plot or c plot this episode? Everything kind of collided in the final couple of scenes, which I did not see coming.

Frantic is the word I keep coming back to for this episode. Everything fit together nicely. I'll definitely rewatch it when I have the chance to do so in one sitting, without unforseen technical problems.

[reilly310]

Outlander: Blood of My Blood

art credit: @SimonWrightSays

I'm dusting off my blog for the first time in a looong time with some thoughts about the new prequel series.

I've been on the fence about the new series, but after learning that Claire's parents' story will be included, I found myself more intrigued. Then seeing this (amazing) sketch of young Jamie and Claire got my imagination flowing.

I'm mostly interested to see how the writers will integrate the two storylines, as I would think they'll have to do. Given at least one (and perhaps both) of Claire's parents can time travel:

Will one of them be from the past (her father, I presume) and, in a kind of reverse Outlander, meet/fall in love with the other in the future?

And/or will both of them travel back to Jamie's parent's time (purposely or by accident) and will they meet/be friends (or foes) of each other's for a time?

Will they give birth to Claire in the past or the present? Will Jamie and Claire know each other (or at least meet briefly) as very young children but be too young to remember that encounter/relationship? (See picture above..and yes, I know there's a 5 year age difference in OL but just indulge me here because that picture is so cute. Maybe, more realistically, when Claire is 5, they are present for Jamie's birth instead. Isn't one of the rules of time travel in OL that you have to have a connection to where you're traveling to? Since Claire went through the stones the first time by accident, could she have landed where/when she did because of that connection to Jamie / his family from her past even if she didn't consciously remember it?)

Do Claire's parents actually die in a car crash or was she just told this by Uncle Lamb as a way to explain their absence? Did they get stuck in the past instead and spend the rest of their lives trying to return to her? Do Jamie's parents find out their secret and try to help them in this endeavor to return to the future?

Or maybe they perish in the past and Uncle Lamb, a time traveler himself, brings Claire to the present to keep her safe.

Because (I don't think) there's any book reference to Claire's parents other than her mentioning how they died and that she doesn't really remember them, the possibilities related to their storyline are endless.

Having put these thoughts out into the universe, though, I'm likely setting myself up for disappointment if/when the series airs and does none of these things. However, a connection of some sort between the two couples will have to be established in order for the series to have a flow that makes sense and is not disjointed.

PS: I read the first 3 books and part of the 4th before setting them aside years ago, so I don't consider myself a book reader. Perhaps there's information in the later books that would make the potential connections I've imagined for this new series impossible. If so, please let me know.

PPS: . Do we know if this prequel is intended to be a limited series (like the Yellowstone prequel "1883") or a series with multiple seasons? If it's a limited series of 10 episodes, they might be able to get away with two separate storylines that merge in some way only at the end. I just don't think I would find it as intriguing as one that's interconnected.