#please do keep in mind that what i say here is very simplified

[zoeythegoodgirl]

Could you please elaborate on what a pillow princess top is ? 🙏❤️

I did mean it mostly as a joke, but I do feel like it's...sort of accurate?

A pillow princess, sometimes also called a stone bottom, is a woman (usually considered femme) who doesn't touch their partner much or even at all during sexual intimacy, preferring mostly to receive the attention from them. This can be for a number of reasons from trauma to literally just preference.

But I'm not really a bottom. I don't have any interest in being penetrated at all. But I also very much prefer to receive than to give when it comes to sexual intimacy. I want to be the focus; I want my partner to want to pleasure me. And sometimes I do feel a twinge of guilt and worry that I'm following in the "selfish top" trope, especially because I am AMAB.

In the simplest terms, I want to be ridden more than anything else.

[scentedpeachlandcreator]

How to manifest your desired body:

So i noticed that this topic which everyone struggle with, so i'm gonna talk about it here in this post.

!! Note !!: Okay first of all, please After this post don't send me Asks or questions, get it together and apply the Law and you'll thank me later.

Okay let's start!

Firstly let's simplify the Law of assumption :

Deciding and assuming that you have your desires + knowing it yours and that creation is finished + not Caring about the 3d and persisting in your assumption + Moving on with your life with the knowing feeling that you have your desires.

Done, that it, it is easy right?

And just let the work to your subconscious.

Let clear some limiting beliefs you have, shall we?

Is it possible to change my bone structure? YES.

Is it possible to go from fat to skinny overnight? YES.

Is it possible to have the exact same body of my visual board from Pinterest? YES.

Is it possible to have those anime/manhwa body? YES.

Is it possible to have a thigh gap and a hourglass body? YES.

Is it possibl-? SHHH, you Heard me, yes, the answer would Always be yes, why? As long you Can see it in your mind then it is possible.

Now to the important part.

How to deal with the 3d?

Hold up- first of all, why do you need to check the 3d when you already affirmed a minute Ago that you already have your desired Body? Seriously? Pull yourself together 🗣️👏🏻

YOU ALREADY HAVE YOUR DREAM BODY! done, that it, no question, no when or how, no but, no anything.

When i tell you that creation is finished, i really mean it.

I mean Come on! Manifestation is instant, the moment you affirm you have your desired body which mean it is NOW, not in the future or in the past, you have it in your imagination NOW, and that what matters, you just need to keep persisting and let the work to your subconscious, just don't freak out or start checking the Time and yada yada.

Just know that the 3d will change and will adapt to your 4d.

Seeing yourself in the mirror and nothing changed? Nope i already have it.

Your family or your mutuals pointing out at your appearance? Nope, i already have my desired body, i'm beautiful.

Time is running out? I have my desired body NOW.

Always flip your thought when seeing the opposite in the 3d, well that because the subconscious mind doesn't know what happening around you, it only hear your thought, so when for example your mother saying to you that you look fat or skinny well in your mind just flip your thought saying "oh yeah, i already have my desired body, i mean i'm very sexy", you know where i'm going with this?

That all you need to do.

Accept that it is done, and move on with your life, you know you already have your desired body like you know you have the phone in your hand, you are not going to Wonder where it is when it is obviously in your imagination, you see it in your mind? Then you have it now! Congratulations! You have such an incredible body!

You Can Do whatever you want in the 3d, you Can eat whatever you want and with the knowing that you're skinny or lean.

Stop complaining, stop asking, stop Being in the state of lack, stop Being Desperate, stop dreaming, stop wishing, stop making excuses, just STOP AND START APPLYING THE LAW!

It is very easy, you're just making it more complicated.

YOU'RE THE GOD OF YOUR OWN REALITY! YOU CONTROL EVERYTHING! SO STOP SAYING THAT MANIFESTING YOUR DESIRES IS HARD!

Remember: Everything Comes from you.

Now get your ass up and start manifesting.

If you want to loss weight read my post if you want ➜ (click here!).

Also if you have any struggle with your manifestation or the 3d i advice you to visit the page of @shradsmanifestt

Xoxo, Eli

[hopefull-mindset]

A Much Needed Overview

I’ve been brought to a point of feeling the need to discuss the abuse depicted in Bungou Stray Dogs. This isn’t the brightest topic to speak about and I understand why people are reluctant to speak in detail about something as serious as this. It’s not easy, so I’ll be the brave face today because I feel disappointed about the lack of deep discussion beyond the popular topic of “The Abuse Cycle”.

I’m happy that it’s at least brought up amongst everyone as something that exists, I’m happy that people feel as though it’s something to talk about, but I don’t think most understand how to act about it. It’s never as cut and dry as how it’s depicted in most other pieces of media or how people speak about it in general. That is why I am thankful for its depiction here. Not saying that nobody speaks about it with clarity, but it’s not the majority, unfortunately.

I especially felt this was a good time to address this because of the reaction towards Asagiri’s thoughts on Dazai and Akutagawa’s relationship in the recent magazine interview. The outrage is not from nowhere, I was also taken aback at first, but to claim Asagiri “doesn’t even know his own story” is incredibly self-entitled considering the story isn’t done, nor are you the one writing this. If you read the story, no way is Asagiri justifying anything that happened. Please look at the question that is being asked, does it say “Do you think what Dazai did is morally right?” Of course, it isn’t.

Not to be rude but before you start questioning the writer himself if he’s read his own story, have you read it? Please keep in mind the fact this is only a magazine interview and doesn't reflect every nuance. Asagiri doesn't need to go “Oh yeah, this thing that’s bad is bad” every two seconds to explain himself. Asagiri’s writing decisions can be questionable and cannot be uncritiqued, but I’m going to have to defend him on this account.

I’m not sure if any warnings are needed concerning the subject matter considering most BSD fans know what I’m about to go over, but to be clear, please only read this when you’re in a well enough headspace for heavy matters such as this. I am not going to be talking lightly in any of this or dance around what’s happened between any of the characters, abuse is harder to talk about compared to other acts of violence that are objectively worse because it’s a more personal act that too many can find themselves in.

Finally, I do not want to speak about my own experiences online because I’ve only come to terms recently with it and they do not reflect everyone’s response to depictions of abuse in all media. Some things are very uncomfortable to admit about me that I haven’t told anyone, that no one would be able to take well even if they were my closest friend. This isn’t about me at all and there is no point in saying more about my reality, but I think my perspective might help people enlighten themselves on how truly complicated situations like this are.

What is Abuse?

Surprise, we need to go over this before any discussion about BSD happens because a lot misunderstand what abuse is. It's disheartening that the term has been so simplified that nobody knows what it means anymore. Don't substitute words for abuse or use abuse as a substitute for other terms. Abuse as a concept is quite hard to pin down with words and there are many ways to describe it, but by definition in the context that it’s directed to another person, abuse is:

To target and mistreat someone, causing them harm or distress in a repetitive manner

This by itself does not describe the grand scope of everything and probably might make you more confused, but it’s a great place to start and does describe what is directed to the victim. Many sources will use varied wording, but it’s the general knowledge that someone is being hurt to a fundamental level that makes it abuse.

Does the abuser need to intentionally hurt someone for it to be abused? Yes, but not in the way you think. Most abusers are not hurting their victims for the sake of just hurting them, that’s illogical, they’re doing it for something. Some examples include either for themselves in some way or what they think is for their victim’s “own benefit”. Even worse is when they genuinely believe it because they’ve also grown up in an environment that has that same mentality and reflects on themselves.

So yes, it’s intentional in that they’re doing it for a purpose. No matter their intention though, “selfless” or not, it’s still a selfish act in itself that they think that imposing their own will through harmful methods is what the victim needs. The abuse doesn’t need to be physically harming another for it to be abuse. As long as it’s harming you emotionally or otherwise and making you raise flags in your head, it’s abuse.

It sounds strange, but I'm saying it’s intentional because you’re still an intended target of their abuse whether they realize it themself or not. Abuse needs to repeat a form of distress in you to be abuse. For example, does one instance of physical violence against you count as abuse when it never happens again? Well, you need to think about the context. Usually, this would just be assault and that’s it, but is it left hanging in the air to happen again when you interact with them? Do you feel afraid for your well-being, even though it doesn’t happen again?

That’s still abuse, the psychological kind. Typically when abusers resort to physical means, it’s gonna happen again eventually. In this hypothetical instance, however, the point is that repeated distress does not mean repeated actions. It does not need to happen the same way for you to feel unsafe, it just needs to have power over you. Manipulation does not always equal abuse either. It’s a tactic used by abusers, but unless paired up with other actions, it doesn’t fit the criteria of abuse. Context matters when you examine what abuse is.

Here comes the tricky parts that are acknowledged less: When the abuser is someone you’ve relied on in your childhood, in a detrimental part of your life, or someone you care about that you put importance in, and it makes it hard to fully hate that person. What the abuser has done to the victim does not entirely reflect them as people, even if it’s still an important part of them that needs to be addressed.

Abusive people are not only defined by their awful actions, they’re not pure monsters like most love to pretend they are. It’s just easier to think that because accepting that they’re just a multifaceted human being hurts too much when you’re on the receiving end of their worse behavior. But what happens when you’re on the receiving end of both? You try to justify it the way the abuser is because you can’t accept that what’s happening is bad and not something everyone goes through. After all, they treat you decent enough sometimes.

Something so many people need to get into their heads already is that abusers can be victims and vice versa, but just because your abuser went through something themselves or is important to you, doesn’t mean you have to forgive them. Abuse is not forgivable just like that, you can rebuild a relationship beyond that if you’re able to, It’s not a “forgive-and-forget” thing.

Not everyone experiences and responds to abuse the same way, some hate their abusers fully, some can’t bring themselves to, and some don’t even know what to think, but there are so many who don’t feel one way that regarding all abusers as heartless monsters completely invalidates so many stories and their difficult experiences. I have a huge grudge against people like this who restrict abusive situations to just looking like one thing, this is why so many don’t even know that their situations are abusive.

Portrait of a Father

Chapter 39 reflects my points the most, and at the same time, it also turns out to be one of the most controversial chapters. It surprised me that it is, but maybe I shouldn’t be considering how most people on the internet act about abuse. It’s a lovely chapter to me personally and one of my favorites.

If you need a refresher, this is the chapter the Orphanage Director died in and leaves Atsushi in an emotional frenzy about what to think and believe. I know that the underlying message of this chapter is confusing to some, but it hit me in the face point blank on how this is about facing your abuser’s death without any personal conclusion with them.

Being sent on an investigation, Atsushi, after finding out the body was the Director, is stunned and scared because he knows nothing of the director other than his cruelty. He immediately assumes the worst and that he was coming after him again. Atsushi’s thoughts against him are entirely… on purpose in the director’s intentions because we find out that he has gone through so much violence and loss himself that he’s projecting his own will onto Atsushi and making sure he’d “survive in the real world”. So he became his first figure of hate and violence earlier in his life so he’d be “prepared for what comes next”.

I know so many take the backstory for the director as a way to justify what he did to Atsushi in the narrative, but it was just to put into context why he was so cruel. Abusers are never cruel for no reason, that never makes it right, but it’s reality. Atsushi was not the only one in the orphanage who was treated badly, he was singled out by the director most likely for an ability he couldn't control because the headmaster knew he’d get the most trouble for it, and unfortunately… he was right.

Akutagawa being his informant in this chapter makes perfect sense. He can see that what the director was for Atsushi is what Dazai is for him. No matter how terrible their actions were, it’s what kept them alive for so long. It’s not pleasant to confront, is it? Atsushi agrees because when he gets the information that the Director was going to congratulate him with the flowers he was going to buy by selling the gun he had on him, he freaks out. No way the guy he was raised so long to hate, the guy who put him through so much suffering, was going to congratulate him.

I know to some, Dazai’s talk with Atsushi sounded like he was justifying what happened because “it made him a good person in the end”, but that’s not what’s being said. This conclusion I’ve seen some people come to about this conversation confuses me. Dazai is just saying the obvious, you guys get all shocked and it weirds me out how easily it’s been glossed over that the reason Atsushi is so self-sacrificial and trying to do the good thing is because of the director. The reason he puts himself so much on the front lines is because he needs that worth in being good to live and prove the director wrong, he was raised to see that type of person is the most ideal person to live in this world.

After everything that’s been dumped onto him in such a short time, so much inner conflict of what to think of a dead man he no longer can have any personal closure with, he asks Dazai what face he should make, what he should think at this moment. Dazai tells him that they’re his emotions and he can think however he’d like, but commonly someone cries when their father dies. So he cries, because ultimately no matter his treatment, no matter the intent and its effects, it’s still the man who raised him. It’s flawed, but that’s what a father is stripped bare at its core definition and that won’t change no matter your feelings.

Now that I’m done summarizing this chapter and making sure you guys understood the point and how it spells out their relationship, I can finally talk freely about what was happening between them. When it comes to familial abuse, generational trauma is so prevalent it’s hard not to talk about. The director is quite reflective of so many parents who were raised to grow up too early in harsh environments, that they think they need to prepare their children for it too, even though it’s no longer needed.

You don’t need to like someone for them to be important to you, especially if it’s a parent in your life or someone close to that. That’s why Atsushi cries. He cries for the director, he cries for himself, he cries that it’s finally over, he cries for the kindness he could’ve gotten even if it wouldn’t have fixed anything, he cries for the father that never was, he cries because his father is dead. It’s perfectly normal to keep someone close in your heart that wasn’t perfect and to grieve their death.

Was the director successful in what he was aiming for? I want to say no, but he did. He succeeded in making Atsushi think of others in a good light and do good for them, making Atsushi resent him, and giving him the ability to keep going. Hell raised him right, but it was still hell. The problem is that his teachings were based on degrading Atsushi into being nothing but a life he should put aside in favor of others. Even if he continued hating the director like he wanted, he would still degrade himself for being a coward who didn’t hold himself to those standards. The result is not perfect because the director is not perfect, but in his position, this is a success.

The director for a while was his shadow of negative encouragement when he joined the agency, what kept him going in those moments, because he was what defined good, bad, and justice for him in his entire childhood. Even if he was dead, he’d still linger in his mind. I can’t parse out what to think about these hallucinations forming Akutagawa and Dazai to guide him later on, all it tells me is that he still can’t rely on or trust himself and he needs more development in his self-image issues.

I see why fans are confused, hell raising us right is a bizarre thing to say to a victim, so let me show you a perspective you're not seeing. Let's imagine you have an abusive mother who only wants you to be prepared for the things you're undoubtedly going to experience because of what you can't control. What she did does help you, but all that goes through your head is “Why couldn't she have done it differently without my own suffering?” The only thoughts that come rushing back when you think of those memories are the unnecessary pains. It takes a lot for a victim to acknowledge this on their own, they want to push back at the past so they don't have to see this plain reality.

Like anyone else that I’m going to bring up in this post, just because the abuse made them who they are or affected who they became, even when it keeps us going through life and benefits us in some way, does not make the abuse justified. Abuse is still abuse, I addressed this already and I hope not to address this again. I needed to detail an explanation because it’s quite easy to hate a man you know nothing about and has been painted in nothing but a bad light. The anger against the director is undebatable because abuse is not debatable, but to pretend the cruelty was nothing but for cruelty’s sake is mischaracterizing both him and Atsushi.

You can’t pick and choose what’s been told to you in the text just because you don’t like a character and lack the maturity for it. It gets quite hard to do that sort of thing when it’s a character you‘ve grown to care about, it’s no wonder Dazai is divided between so many. Speaking of Dazai, his involvement in this makes as much sense as Akutagawa’s. He’s currently in a mentor position for Atsushi, no matter what Akutagawa says, and shows interest in his development. So of course he’s going to purposely stick his head into something that would affect Atsushi greatly. Both Akutagawa and Dazai are viewing this through their lenses as people who grew up in the darkness of society, and it’s not that Dazai thinks what happened to him wasn’t terrible, you should have eyes to read the panels provided, but he’s generally unfazed and able to sound neutral because he’s used to that cruelty.

The Port Mafia’s Environment

(Aka: is it really “all Mori’s fault” or is it just the product of being literally in The Mafia™?)

I’ll go over the “Cycle of Abuse” in a second, but please keep in mind that you can’t just blame everything on Mori. Just like the Director, it’s so easy to pin the guy who’s just been the worst for every problem there, but it decimates the other characters involved as well and makes what they’ve gone through go flat because you’re restricting it to a misinformed presumption.

To make a bold statement, I need you to completely throw away your idea of what the abuse cycle is. The Mori to Kyouka pipeline being the singular “Abuse Cycle”? Garbage, needs to go away too. I've seen many fans use the term “Cycle of Abuse” too carelessly, and while from afar the way they're using it is not technically wrong, they have the wrong thought process behind it.

The Cycle of Abuse is simply the patterns of what keeps us in an abusive dynamic and negative mental state, either with an individual or environment, and makes it incredibly hard for anyone to leave. It’s not the actions you take that make it the Cycle of Abuse, and it's not just one straight line of people going through similar motions. You don’t have to be someone’s abuser to be the one who keeps them there, if you feed into it you’re still a problem. Even if you don't actively add to it yourself, just staying there as a bystander and not trying to do anything to change it or speak up for the victim when you clearly could also still make you responsible. Just with your presence, it validates what they've gone through as normal.

If you need more of an explanation, two opposite examples include Higuchi & Akutagawa and Beast Kyouka & Atsushi. Higuchi is a traditional example in that she stays in the mafia because of her relationship with Akutagawa, and stays by his side for reasons unknown. What we do know is that she’s incredibly indebted to him enough to care for him to an extreme extent, but their relationship is abusive all the same. Beast Atsushi and Kyouka sounds strange for me to bring up, but this is an example of a non-abusive person contributing to the Cycle of Abuse. Instead of taking her out of an abusive situation, he brings her back in.

Many characters are a part of this main narrative of abuse in BSD, so it's not inaccurate to say Mori, Dazai, Akutagawa, and Kyouka are a part of it as well using this definition as all of them are the reason or contributed to why someone was stuck in a negative, abusive situation or the victim themselves. I’m guessing none of you are genuinely referring to this though and are referring to intergenerational abuse, a repeating cycle of younger generations taking after their abusers when they're older, which is a completely different phenomenon. Both are referred to as cycles and have many commonalities, but it’s not the same. Not to sound like a total dick, but this barely even applies to them.

Not because the concept is based on familial relationships, it can happen with older figures in your life too, but because our oh-so-famous Abuse Cycle gang does not have that commonality to make that claim. They have narrative parallels, but that’s pretty much it. I will save what I have to say in their sections, but Mori and Akutagawa did not abuse Dazai and Kyouka respectively for this type of claim to have any legitimacy. Kyouka certainly broke a cycle, but not that kind since that would need her to continue it in the first place and then prevent her own experiences from even affecting the next child.

What do all Mori, Dazai, Akutagawa, and Kyouka actually have in common? They are/were in the mafia, using their natural talents of cruelty for the underworld.

The Port Mafia resembles something of an abusive household or community that sees so much of what’s done to others there as normal, and constantly compares it to how it was with their old boss and thinks, “At least it wasn’t as bad as that.” It’s quite like the Orphanage Director’s thinking but on a larger scale. Does that make everyone in the Port Mafia abused? Nope, unlike most abusive communities, the Port Mafia is quite literally the mafia. Everyone is there for different reasons, at different ages, and different experiences. Everyone is taken advantage of in these situations, no matter the circumstances, but it doesn’t make them abused automatically.

So it’s hard to have a stance on anything about them being abusive other than the mentor situations in the Port Mafia don’t see abuse as abuse and just another way to teach their subordinates to survive in their world if they deem it necessary. Was Chuuya abused, either by Mori or Kouyou then? I’m going to have to say I can’t tell you that. We don’t have enough information on either of his dynamics with them to say that they’ve directly had any repetitive behaviors of direct harm against him specifically, and there's no reason for them to do so either. I’m not going to use the argument that “Chuuya doesn’t hate or fear them, so that must mean he wasn’t” because again, that type of response does not reflect so many situations.

Chuuya was still harmed by being in the Port Mafia as a teenager because nobody should have been surrounded by this much cruelty at that age. It doesn’t matter if he shows visible distress or not about the Port Mafia, he was just desensitized to it since his sheep days. So was he an abuse victim under the idea that being a child in the Port Mafia is abuse? That depends on who we’re speaking of, but in Chuuya’s situation, I'm going to have to say no as he's already internalized their mindset from his own experiences separate from the mafia. Keep in mind that it also still holds true that you can find family in situations like this, it’s not mutually exclusive. Some just find more comfort in what they’re used to than what would be better for them. Kyouka is a better example of someone being a victim of an abusive community.

A false claim I've seen made many times are the ones where they have it as if Mori is the mafia itself or that he made the mafia what it was. It shouldn’t be too surprising, but it’s the opposite. Mori already held flawed, heartless, calculative methods when in situations he thought required them. We’ve seen him as a soldier and an underground doctor, but we know nothing else about him outside of his cruelty, just like the headmaster. What he does is never for what he thinks is for his benefit, but for the sake of something larger. Whether it’s for the city, the country, or eventually, the Port Mafia.

The mafia is the first time he’s been put into a position of absolute leadership and is not yet accustomed to that at the beginning of Dazai, Chuuya, Age Fifteen. He’s able to quickly fit the mold of a mafia boss, but there’s that bit of honesty that peaks through in this light novel in the first and last sections that’s ignored too quickly. First Mori complains about nothing going immediately right, questions himself about Dazai, and becomes genuinely stressed if it was the right decision to involve him, then confesses that he sees himself in Dazai to him (and him and Fukuzawa in Soukoku in private), and finally gives his honest take of leadership to Chuuya.

I already go over Mori as a character in one of my other posts and will speak more of him later on, so I don’t want to reiterate the same points, but here we have proof he has (albeit poor) humanity. He did not become the Port Mafia boss for his own selfish gain of power if you’ve forgotten, but because Natsume introduced him to becoming part of the Tripartite Framework to protect the city he loves, it’s where he’d excel best in this plan. The Port Mafia was already a shithole, Mori just made it livable again by becoming what an organized crime group needs.

It’s what makes the dynamic between Kouyou and him so intriguing because you have an abuse victim who has embraced the environment she was forced back into, but won’t let go of someone who’s proven to be more of a decent leader than her tormentor and can be relied on. For victims who couldn’t get help or realize they needed help, the easier path is to accept this is your life through some justification. While I said the Port Mafia resembles an abusive community, communities as such aren’t purely terrible and that’s what keeps them justifying it in their head. The family you have for yourself, whether it's a made one or the one you're born with, is what sticks for you.

Like it or not, Mori isn’t stupid. He takes risky gambles that backfire on him sometimes, but he’s good at his job. He’s brutal enough to prove his own against the people who didn’t think he should’ve been boss and outsiders who want to go against the Port Mafia, but he’s considerate enough towards his people and shows enough competency to be perfect for the job. He’s not a great human being, but what did you expect? He no longer had any room to express that humanity, he never had; there was no benefit from being a good person in his line of work.

The Heartless Cur

That looked like a great segue to talk about Dazai and Mori’s dynamic, but it’d benefit to go over Akutagawa first. For those who do acknowledge it as an abusive situation, Thank you for at least taking that step. Numerous don’t and it worries me at the state of what’s considered abuse vs. training. It may be both at times but don't excuse one for the other. Training needs formal consent and communication at some point during a session. Akutagawa is learning, but it’s the same as getting yelled at as a child for not doing your homework right, when again, you’re still just learning.

It might’ve been easier to see for those who do acknowledge it because of the visible physical abuse that happens, but let's not undermine the psychological abuse happening as well. Dazai has messed with his psyche on an abhorrent level through his degrading and threats, making him reliant to hear a single word of acknowledgment from his mouth. What happened to Akutagawa is beyond the mafia’s environment.

Akutagawa does not hate or want Dazai dead for what he’s done to him, but he does hold anger at the seeming abandonment he’s been put through… and at himself as well. Anger that he couldn't get to what Dazai wanted him to be before he suddenly left. So he proves himself by climbing the ranks and becoming someone feared. Spectacles of violence not because he enjoys the feeling of other’s suffering or the power over them, but to show Dazai that see? He's still worth looking at!

He stays in the mafia because he’s found a place there. Even if he could, there was no point in leaving the mafia after he disappeared because what would be left for him if he did? He will always be an unchangeable, horrific hound of the dark and there's no changing that in his mind. From an inference of his actions in the dungeon when they finally reunite one-on-one, he wanted to believe that he was above Dazai after all those years, but Dazai doesn't act impressed or scared or anything. After all that effort, he gets nothing but ridicule and mockery like he's back to being that little kid with an oversized coat too big for his body.

Worse is that he gets told that some new kid Dazai picked up, who didn't train to the extent he did to refine his abilities, is better than him somehow. He gets riled up and at first, takes out on Dazai, but all those threats about killing him and how he went against the mafia were empty. Even now he can't bring himself to hate Dazai, he needs his mentor to acknowledge him no matter what side he's on. He never let go of Dazai, his coat is proof enough of that. So he takes it out on the party that isn't responsible and is convinced he needs to overcome Atsushi to prove something to Dazai.

He doesn't hate Atsushi, not genuinely. He does the same when he’s told he’ll never compare to Odasaku, someone who objectively should’ve been the weakest member due to his status. He gets angry at Dazai’s words, gets angry at himself, then takes it out on the person mentioned, rinse and repeat. I’m not sure if I’m the only one to notice, but he genuinely believed that the meaningful life Dazai gave him laid in the mafia and being useful to its cause. He has no reason to be as loyal to the mafia if he didn't think this.

Dazai’s acknowledgment means more than just appreciation for his skills and strength, it means his life meant something by striving for being the strongest. It’s not about the acknowledgment at all. Whenever he critiques and shames Atsushi for how he lives his life, it just feels like he’s unknowingly shaming himself through him without having to acknowledge his wrongs. It makes me curious about how much the acknowledgment itself even matters to him and the validation it gives him to strive for this is an excuse to keep living so what he’s doing in the mafia even matters in the end. What counts as acknowledgment to him?

He's convinced his faults are what made Dazai turn away, he just doesn’t know how to do anything to fix it and can't fix it this late into the game. What does Dazai want from him other than being stronger? When Dazai directly asks him to do something important involving Atsushi, he’s confused. He has no reason to trust him to do these missions. He’ll take the chance to prove himself once and for all, but to be included means he's being acknowledged, so what gives? The number of times he visibly self-reflects can be counted on one hand because as soon as it shows, he goes back to justify his violence and ignores his faults.

As someone whose favorite character is Akutagawa, I’m disgusted that all people can take away from him is “Akutagawa is an obsessive fanboy that deserves no sympathy because of what he did to Kyouka” or “Akutagawa is a poor, miserable man that didn’t deserve what Dazai made him into and should be absolved of responsibility because it’s all Dazai’s fault”. Both are very shallow and very harmful to perpetrate as they continue the idea that a person can only be the abused or abuser. He's both and it's okay to admit that.

Quickly let’s clear up this: He is not the way he is because of Dazai.

What Dazai IS responsible for:

Akutagawa’s need for his constant approval and recognition

Akutagawa learning to hone his ability

Akutagawa’s toxic views of being useful

The reason Akutagawa’s still alive

The reason Akutagawa is the Mafia’s dog

What Dazai is NOT responsible for:

Everything else

Akutagawa’s lean toward violence, his one-track stubborn mindset, and his lone-wolf attitude are not a product of Dazai’s treatment, he’s always been that way because of his time in the slums. He got beaten down by adults frightened of his empty gaze, had to learn to protect himself and find something to eat to survive, helped take care of his sister Gin and his friends by himself, and everyone constantly dying around him. That’s the real reason his personality is like that. He is a victim of his circumstances in a society that deemed him worthless, so he also thinks of his life as worthless. That’s why Dazai means so much to him.

Dazai did not trick him into joining the mafia, Dazai expressed what he was going to go through was worse than what happened in the slums and gave Akutagawa an out that he could live a normal life with enough money, but he knew Akutagawa would not refuse because he still needed meaning in living, just like him. Gaining enough money to get by so he and his sister could get out of the slums would do nothing for him, he already felt that his life was worthless. He has no problem throwing it away at any time, he was gonna die young regardless because of his lung disease. It has manipulative undertones, but that's how Dazai usually is with even the people he cares about.

Akutagawa knows too well that a person needs a sign, someone to tell them it’s okay to keep going, and so does Dazai. Part of Dazai’s goal is to save Akutagawa from dying and give him a reason to live like he promised that day because he sees the potential that could come from his development. I don't want to sound like a dick again, but you’d have to be dense to think Akutagawa would still be dead by the end of this arc. He isn’t sending him off to his death, Dazai doesn’t know everything.

Even if he knew Akutagawa might die there, it's better than both Atsushi and Akutagawa dying at that moment. If Akutagawa didn’t want to die for him, he wouldn’t have, he chose to save Atsushi’s life. This is why I have to defend Asagiri. Let’s reread the interview together, to make it get across already.

(Twt link)

Q: Just like how Akutagawa and Atsushi's relationship has changed, I could feel the relationship between Dazai and Akutagawa moving forward too. Is it like what Akutagawa has said in Episode 3 of Season 5, that every order he has received from Dazai so far has been "a trial", "a part of a meaningfull life"?

First, the question being asked. They’re asking Asagiri about their relationship in the present, and how it’s developed. Akutagawa is no longer thinking he was abandoned by Dazai for a new, better student like he was made him believe, that was just to rile him up and interact with Atsushi more. Instead, he realizes that he’s not supposed to work against Atsushi, he’s supposed to work with him. How he decides to go about that battle with Fukuchi and whether or not he works with Atsushi like a partner is his trial. If this was Akutagawa before he met Atsushi, he would’ve no doubt escaped or might’ve thought defeating Fukuchi would prove himself to Dazai. He's not an obstacle to his meaningful life, his quest for a meaningful life lies with Atsushi.

Asagiri responds with:

Asagiri: Needless to say, Dazai is the most qualified person in this world to help Akutagawa grow. Dazai has a vision for Akutagawa's development, and he completely understands what it takes to achieve it. We, as obsevers, can only see bits and pieces of that vision. But I can at least say that Dazai's training plan has never been wrong.

Many find this answer questionable, I was stunned reading it myself. Asagiri is not wrong at all here though, Dazai is objectively the only person in this series who can find a way to help him. Atsushi is the endpoint, but Dazai has been guiding him to this point. Dazai himself said that he was planning to team them up the moment he met Atsushi, he was still thinking of him even after all these years. There are much scarier implications than thinking that Asagiri was wrong. It's that Dazai was doing everything intentionally to get Akutagawa’s mindset where it was. He didn't mess up with Akutagawa, he just couldn't personally teach him the skills he needed and chose a different route until he found something that could.

Asagiri is not saying the abuse was morally justified, but the intention behind it was not wrong in an objective stance. Dazai would know what to do the most because of his understanding of wanting to find meaning in living. Teenage Dazai couldn’t have achieved much by himself, even if he could understand since he also could not find meaning in life. That’s why he made him hang on to his every breath of validation so he would keep his faith in Dazai long enough for him to find a solution to this dilemma. The moment in life when he found Akutagawa was not ideal and he still did what he thought he had to do for him to survive in the mafia. Without his ability, he's incredibly weak and needs to be able to defend himself. A violent person could not have made another violent person unlearn their violence.

You could say he just wanted a weapon, but that’s not it, not even close. Many of you are stuck on the part that it was a suicidal teenager that picked Akutagawa up from the slums and that no way someone like that could teach another suicidal teenager anything, so it’s “comical that Asagiri thinks as though he’s the most qualified”. You’re not wrong in some sense, but this is still incredibly intelligent, “Black Wrath of the Port Mafia”, Osamu Dazai, and not just some suicidal teenager.

He’s also no longer a teenager. Right now we’re talking of Dazai in the present who’s grown and no longer needs to be how he was in the mafia, he has Atsushi now, someone who can help Akutagawa see what’s wrong in his outlook. The only thing he could’ve done back then was to shelter Akutagawa so he wouldn’t kill himself. It's horrible, but Dazai validating where he is now would do no good for either of them and fix nothing.

Q: What kind of person is Dazai to Akutagawa?

Asagiri: Actually, at the time of "The Dark Era", Dazai already spoke very highly of Akutagawa, as someone who would "become the Mafia's strongest skill user in the not-so-distant future". He just doesn't say that in front of Akutagawa himself. The reason he doesn't say it is that Dazai has to be "the presence that continues to give meaning to life" to Akutagawa. So far, that trial has been completely successful.

None of what Asagiri brings up is new information. He doesn’t say it in front of Akutagawa not to spite him, but if he gives these praises out too freely, he loses his distant, almost god-like presence in Akutagawa and will go back to being just a lone wolf with no exceptions that will carelessly get himself killed. Without any goal, he’s lost. Just like Atsushi and the headmaster and how Atsushi hinges on proving he can do a good thing to motivate his life, Akutagawa similarly hinges on the fact that if he fails, he won’t get Dazai’s approval.

However, his death was not fully about Dazai’s approval in the way he's been preaching. In chapter 87, he mentions Dazai’s approval like always, and when they fail the first time even after trusting and working with each other as Shin Soukoku should, It hits him. What came into his head I cannot parse out at the moment, but his actions speak so much louder than any explanation we could've gotten. Of course, he's helping Atsushi escape, but what does he do for that? He used his ability on his shirt, and not just on the coat like he typically does.

It doesn't seem like a big deal at first, he could've always done that, but when was the last time he used it on something that wasn't the coat Dazai gave him? The coat means many things. His new beginning, his path in being Dazai’s student and successor (as that was also Mori’s coat), but it also conveys Dazai’s will that keeps him alive and that he's only strong with his coat. Without it, he's defenseless, so he clings to this coat the exact way he clings to those orders. It's his encouragement to keep going when Dazai isn't there. This overwhelming, suffocating responsibility, an oversized coat, is a lot to give to a kid but it's comfortable and he’ll grow into it eventually.

It was already a huge step in his development that he gave Atsushi his coat, but to use his ability not on his coat means he's making an effort to overcome his fixation and do an action unrelated to Dazai for the sake of Atsushi’s life. His whole life after the slums, everything he's ever done was with Dazai in mind. Him saving Atsushi’s life was not because he was doing what Dazai wanted him to do, that he'd finally get approval for doing It, and in turn give his life meaning before he died. When he saved Atsushi, it would give his life meaning in just that. He shouldn't let himself be defined by the past the way he criticizes Atsushi for, so he’s going to choose his meaning. I wouldn't say he's moved past Dazai yet, but he's getting there.

Dazai and Akutagawa’s relationship is not healthy in the slightest, and Dazai’s crueler actions and words against him are not right, but they’re still growing and not stagnant characters. Atsushi and Akutagawa learn from each other and that's what's pushing them to change. Nobody will pretend those past means weren’t just abuse, they were, but there's so much more to it. Like I asked with the director, was he successful? Well from what I’ve said, yes it so far has gone the way Dazai hoped for in the best-case scenario.

In the main universe at least, this is one of the better ways it could’ve gone. Beast is a different story. Teenage Dazai of the main universe was unsure of Akutagawa’s future and did only what he could’ve done at that time, but Beast Dazai does have that knowledge and he decided that it would be best for Akutagawa to not be in the mafia, instead bringing in Atsushi. It wouldn’t have been good to let him pursue his violent tendencies more than necessary in the mafia in this universe when he knew there was a better option, especially with someone like Oda, who would take the time to care for him properly.

Even if he didn’t bring him in, he still gave him the motivation to keep living for something. The prologue of Beast is a mirror to The Heartless Cur, with instead it’s a distant relationship of hate Akutagawa has for him for taking his sister. For those who argue that since Beast exists, that means Asagiri was somehow “wrong about Dazai”, but it’s still Dazai from the beginning that’s the source of this motivation. Dazai, who's still guiding him. If we’re gonna be honest, Dazai was putting their development/capabilities in speed run mode with the logic and future information he had access to prepare them for a timeline he won’t be alive for. There are many factors for what he did in Besst, but that’s not the conversation.

What does he get from helping him? Who knows, Asagiri wasn’t being cheeky when he said we only see bits and pieces of his vision. We barely have any clue what’s going through that man’s head, so don’t act like you do. He wasn’t always planning for the next Soukoku. Maybe it was a thought that came up sometimes, but he’s only met Atsushi recently. What about Akutagawa was so different from any other powerful ability-wielding orphan? Well, we’re not gonna know any time soon.

The point is that Dazai is thinking about their future, even if the abuse or manipulation makes that hard to see. Please do remember that abuse is still selfish no matter the intention, but non-selfish intentions make it all the more complicated to process. Their relationship is not misunderstood by Asagiri himself, it’s just clear to me most don’t want to face the unpleasant truth that there is more to their dynamic. When I first realized what was going on, I couldn’t help but get unnerved and awkward when someone would ask me about these two. These are both characters in the spotlight that you’re supposed to care about, but what happened between them is rotten.

You’re not supposed to pretend it didn’t happen because Dazai still contributed to who he is and it shows whenever it’s on screen. Abuse doesn’t make us stronger, don’t make it as if that’s a message that Asagiri is spreading. What happened to him motivated his development, but with Atsushi, that’s the opposite. Their circumstances are different and victims process what's happened to them in various ways. Depicting it in a form less common than usual doesn't mean the author thinks in the same way the victim does, it's just nuance at work.

I did not add Akutagawa’s attitude towards his subordinates and newer members as Dazai’s responsibility because Dazai is not the one controlling his hands when he hits Higuchi. Dazai’s mentoring contributed to his toxic views of being useful, but it’s only Akutagawa’s responsibility once he raises his hand. Instead of thinking of this in the context of the most typical abusive situation you can think of, how about this:

Your parent was raised in an abusive household, but they think they came out of it just fine and that there was nothing wrong with how they were treated. They treat you almost the same way, and all you can take away from that when you find out is, “At least it’s not as bad as it could’ve been”. You still hold anger at the standards they’re forcing you to reach, but if that’s what it takes to get that approval, then you’ll keep going anyway. Even if you get yelled at and you know you shouldn’t be treated like this, it’ll feel nice when you finally get on their good graces, right?

Then you get a new sibling, and all of that comes crumbling down. They don’t treat your sibling anywhere near the same when you were that age. Years go by and you get angrier and angrier. Why is it only you that was put to that standard? Even worse is that they treat you differently now too. You finally got to those standards, but now what is it worth? They’re so much nicer now and you want to curse them out for only changing now. Why couldn’t have had that parent from the beginning? It’s so unfair, but you can’t take it out on them because you still need them, they mean so much to you. As angry as you were, they were doing it because they cared about you in their way, you think. It was what your grandparents did to them at least. So you start treating your sibling similarly to how you were treated because you can’t take it that they didn’t experience that hardship without destroying yourself first.

Question: Are you right in what you did? Was the parent responsible for what you did to your sibling?

Nobody in their right mind would say yes to that first question. It makes sense why it happened, but continuing abuse will never be the correct answer. You’re doing the same thing your parent did. The second question needs more exposition to answer, however. How responsible is responsible?

In the end, even if it was the parent who influenced it, you’re only responsible for what you’ve done on your own accord. The parent did not tell you to take it out on your sibling, you decided that yourself. The parent is still responsible for what they’ve done to you, never get that wrong, but if you say that your guilt is absolved because it’s all their fault, you sound no different from any other abuser in denial. Are you saying now that the parent is also absolved from guilt because it’s all their parent’s fault too? Listen to yourself, You hurt someone but it’s not your fault, but the person who hurt you is also somehow not at fault? If someone came up to you and said that, you’d be fed up.

For those who do the same thing with Mori, rethink what you’re saying. Is it that painful to admit your favorite characters are at fault and that they’re changing? This comparison isn’t perfect and ignores some key factors: Dazai isn’t Akutagawa’s or Atsushi’s father and is not much older than them, the Port Mafia is a violent workplace environment and requires you to be able to navigate it a certain way, and all three of them at adults in present time. I used this comparison to be more real to earth and something a larger audience could process themselves to truly get that the emotions here are not straightforward even in a realistic situation.

Re: Portrait of a Father

Just like the prologue, in chapter 3 of the Beast light novel, Portrait of a Father is mirrored and retold in brutal upset that does not hold the hopeful bittersweetness at the end of it unlike its original. Before the present day, against all orders Dazai gave him, Atsushi attacked the orphanage on the day of his birthday. On his birthday, he would be reborn from the ashes of his past being burnt away, and kill the director inside to release himself from the fear of those memories.

It’s what he says at least.

Playing out, the director was expecting him. There might have only been one person in his mind who would’ve attacked a rundown orphanage on this scale. It frightens Atsushi after all that planning and fear of losing to the director, he could still see through him, but confusion takes hold when he’s told that he was late for his graduation.

Graduation? Atsushi is in fight or flight mode, why is he approaching him with this box? He can’t imagine it being anything other than a weapon, nothing else would make sense for this cruel monster. The director won’t give him any straight answer, just repeating words he’s heard over and over growing up here. He uses his tiger hearing to glean what could be inside.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

There’s the proof, it had to be a bomb. He needs to protect himself before anything happens or he’ll die. He’s scared, he can’t move, but he has to fight. The director opens his arms for the embrace of his child… and death, plummeted into a bloody mess on the floor. Only out of the corner of his eye, only when Atsushi stopped, he saw what was in the box. It was a watch, brand new and high-end. Happy Birthday was what was written on a sheet of paper next to it.

His last words, whispered into his ear, were words of encouragement: “Yes… just like that.”

I was not kidding when I said this was brutal. Just like in the main universe, Atsushi learns why he did what he did and can’t place any of his feelings, but overwhelmingly guilt crushes him to keep protecting people with his life rather than just fear because he killed him. He finds out much earlier about what happened with Shibusawa, and how the director protected his identity as the tiger.

The director’s intentions are draining when you let your mind wander. As we’ve established, the headmaster as a figure of hate for Atsushi is intentional on his part. He doesn’t explain anything on purpose here to probe him into killing him. He bought that watch for Atsushi as a congratulations for growing up and becoming a new independent individual.

In the split minute before Atsushi took the first swing, he said his usual, “Those who fail to protect others do not deserve to live.” I have to question now if he was so willing to die there, even encouraging him to kill him, then has it been this whole time he still can’t live with himself for what happened to his friends… or is it because he couldn’t protect Atsushi anymore? Maybe I’m overthinking it and it was just that the headmaster thought Atsushi needed to kill him to remove an obstacle in his growth as an individual, to be a necessary sacrifice for his benefit.

It's too flawed though. The director will never leave him, not after all that he's engraved into Atsushi. The watch has become not a symbol of a person who's found himself, but a child that's latched himself onto his father's cold corpse that won't ever respond, but that child would do anything to have him wake up and say "Good job, Atsushi". The director also has a clock, but can he call himself a strong individual when he hasn't let go of the past either?

Time stopped for Beast Atsushi when he picked up that watch. If he had just followed orders, none of this would’ve happened. If he isn’t his father’s child, if he doesn’t uphold his last wish, then who is he? When he’s no longer in the mafia and has time for himself to think, he wanders.

He failed in becoming someone he could be proud of, he deserved to die for that but doesn't want to be dead… because It wasn't truly about the Director, just like how it wasn't truly about Dazai’s acknowledgment or saving his sister for Akutagawa. At first, that was the motivation, it's the reasoning they keep going with, but in the end, it was to save their own life and give it purpose to validate why they're still around. If they can die like this, then it's all the same. If they have their own life in someone else’s hands, then they no longer have to be responsible for their own heavy-hearted weight.

Beast Atsushi is given neither and is taken of his reasoning, but he keeps going. Aimlessly.

Luckily, it’s not where his story ends.

He wakes up in his old orphanage, and it’s no longer the dreary place it was when he was younger. Kids laughing outside, no chains on the walls or bars blocking off the windows, and the new Orphanage Director greets him. He tells him that he will go back to being a student of the orphanage until he can become independent again, under one of Dazai’s last requests before he died.

Still, there’s one thing he needs to do. The new director takes out the watch and tells him to break it. Atsushi is distraught by this notion, but he won’t let Atsushi leave if he doesn’t. The new director has good reason, there is no point in becoming someone the past director was proud of and this is what’s holding him back. Atsushi, eventually, tells him he will not break the watch. He can’t move on just yet and this watch is still proof he’s himself, yet…

He’ll keep going and move forward, just like Akutagawa told him after he spared his life. The new director finds those words to be enough, saying he can’t leave until he finds something else to define himself with, but he can keep living here as his son. He went there to burn away his past and came out of it not able to let go of the past, but now he can redo and process it healthily with someone willing to hold him like a father should.

The Man Who Raised Dazai

Everyone who’s read Beast has questioned it: Why did Dazai in his right mind have Mori take care of an orphanage? Why did he save his life? Better yet, why is he so nice?! I have come up with some speculation on why Dazai would.

“Beast Dazai recognized this potential of change either from the multitude of universes he was able to witness or recognized it in his own considering canonverse Dazai never does anything against Mori (even if he visibly dislikes him).”

“Possibility is one thing, the why is another. It was either that he saw potential and good that could come out of this in the long run, Mori’s intelligence and expertise still proves usefulness, less dangerous for Oda in the long run if he let Mori stay there instead of the Mafia, or all three.”

(Didn’t feel like rephrase them)

We can’t know anything for sure about his decision, but I do know Mori is the type of character to sacrifice his feelings for what he thinks would logically benefit the sum, and there’s no better way to release yourself from that too-calculative responsibility than to remove yourself from it and to be in a place where you’re allowed to care for others and express yourself when there is no greater purpose than to just grow.

What happened with Yosano is undoubtedly wrong, but Mori had put away any sympathy in those situations because he needed her to do what he brought her in for. I was confused by his declaration that violence should never be used to educate children when I read it, especially out of his mouth, but now I understand. He would know with certainty that it’s not the right way to educate children, particularly because this is a Mori that hasn’t been in the dark for these past years and has grown to care for these children at the orphanage without any greater intention for them.

He’s not like the Old Director because he has no reason to think these kids would end up the way he did. They’re just kids that need someone to raise them with kindness, kindness will be what gets them through life as functional adults. Abuse has too many drawbacks to be called an optimal solution here. Is it surprising that all it took to change Mori was the kindness and salvation Dazai offered to him when he took over? Can you believe it was that simple to treat someone like a human being instead of a figure of hate?

What sticks out to me like a sore thumb is that when he’s introduced in Beast, he’s referred to as the man who raised Dazai. He is, regardless of what you think, the closest thing Dazai has to a father figure. In regards to how the fanbase speaks of their relationship, it’s hard to think that he cared about Dazai, but he did and the extent of how bad it got between them is grossly exaggerated.

As many comparisons Dazai gets with Yosano, their relationship with Mori is very different. Unlike Yosano, he did not need to be forced to do anything with psychological abuse and he did not need to be torn down to do what Mori asked him to. We don’t know what happened to him to become like this, but it wasn’t because of Mori. Yosano had light in her and a motivation to do the right thing, but Dazai didn’t. Dazai is no stranger to any violence or using violence himself even before Mori if he's this desensitized.

It’s useful that Dazai is like that when he meets him, up until it isn’t. He’s moody and actively looking to die. Mori can’t predict him that easily and Dazai can see right through him. There’s another huge difference between them though: Mori sees himself in Dazai. We don’t have enough insight in his head to make conclusive statements, but I think this is why he cared for Dazai. It’s not because he saw a child struggling that he cared, but grew some fondness because he saw a little mini-him. When he drove Dazai out of the Port Mafia, he expected him to come back and take back his vacant seat.

Eventually, Dazai will come back and realize that petty anger about someone dying is illogical in somewhere like the mafia. But because of him not being able to see through Dazai and seeing himself in him, he also expected him to eventually usurp his seat if he stayed any longer. That is why he had invited Mimic at the time he did and manipulated the situation so Oda, someone he knew Dazai cared for, would go and take care of the situation flawlessly. He’d be sacrificed and Mori could get something out of it, a Skilled Business Permit. A perfect plan… in theory, but Mori was wrong and miscalculated on many levels because of how many assumptions he made about Dazai.

First, he wouldn’t have known that it was Oda who held the words that would convince him to leave the mafia and go into the world of light. Dazai will never come back to his own volition. Second, as those panels quite literally tell you, Dazai was never planning on killing him. He saw his place in the mafia and saw that he was needed there. When Mori finally realizes his mistake with Dazai 4 years later during the Guild Arc, he can’t go back. His plan was still perfectly sound and he still got what he wanted out of it. He shouldn’t regret it, but…

Now that’s been paved out, where does wanting to save Dazai fit into this? If I had to assume, it’s the same reason he didn’t shoot Dazai for leaving his office during Dark Era. He cared about that boy, for 4 whole years he left him and his seat alone when the logical thing he should be doing was replacing him, but as much as he might’ve cared, he needed to put the mafia first. He didn’t let him die because of his use, but also because of their so-called “common destiny” in his eyes, a diamond in a rough he might’ve disposed of otherwise if he didn’t see his potential. There’s not much he could’ve done for Dazai here except keep him healthy and alive. Mori gets tons of flack for not trying to help him, but there's nothing he could've done, not in their position.

He can't cultivate his potential if there is abuse involved because there is no logical reason for him to do anything to Dazai. You guys have to stop assuming the worst when it comes to Mori, you’re missing huge character details that are right in front of you. The difference between Mori, the Boss of the Port Mafia, and Mori, the Orphanage Director is that he had time to rekindle his humanity so he’s able to care about him like a normal human being, feel guilt, and admit regret after Beast Dazai has died. Mori at most was responsible for ingraining tactical strategies and theories and molding him into the perfect Mafioso and right-hand man.

Not to say any of those aren’t a bad thing. He’s still a child and having him use his desensitized, intelligent mind to build the potential in what he could do for the mafia, it’s just that he’s responsible for very little in Dazai’s personality. The only answer I could give about Dazai being abused by Mori or being abused under the credentials that he’s a child in a violent, unsafe place is the same answer given earlier for Chuuya: in his case, not really.

Regarding this, I retract my statement about anything I’ve said about Beast Atsushi not being a victim in his time in the mafia, but I still hold my stance that he’s not the victim of the port mafia. I want to say the same thing about Beast Dazai and Atsushi that I do here, but considering he picked him up and trained him like how he trained Akutagawa, there’s a great chance Dazai emotionally abused him when you read their interactions. Not physically as that would make him too much like the headmaster, but just enough emotional distress in bringing up traumatic moments to manipulate him into doing what he needs of him.

It’s not a good relationship, but Mori wasn’t targeting Dazai in any real way like the Director and Atsushi or Dazai and Akutagawa. Unlike every other section, I have to conclude that he didn’t do anything to Dazai in that regard other than treating him like another adult when he shouldn't have. I don’t have much to say negatively about their dynamic otherwise. Just a weird, terrible son with his weird, terrible father. It’s more like someone who's taking after their mentor’s teaching and methods rather than an abuse victim echoing their abuser. This is why I don't accept the “Cycle of Abuse” as how the fandom understands it. It tells me a lot that people resort to the blame game.

I wonder what Dazai and Mori’s relationship would've looked like without any of this in the middle. Maybe something in cadence with Ranpo and Fukuzawa, but I can't help thinking that accepting Atsushi as his son in Beast instead of a student wasn't just for Atsushi’s sake. He was about to call him his student too, but immediately changed his mind. He already admitted he was helping him because of what happened to Dazai, so it can’t be a huge jump to think that in the same way this is Atsushi’s redo in building a relationship with a father figure, this is Mori’s redo to give him some atonement for the boy he failed.

A Mother’s Love

Kyouka, when we first meet her, appears as a force to be reckoned with. With skills a young girl shouldn’t have, and a demon shadowing behind, she’s a terrifying opponent. Quickly though, that appearance falls short in tragedy when the bomb Atsushi’s after is found on her own body and when he asks if she truly wants to kill... She has no answer, but her actions speak clearly. She gives him the defuser because she doesn’t want any more people to die, but the man behind the phone will not let it defuse.

So Kyouka does the next best thing to save more from dying: falling off the train with the bomb that’s about to go off. As long as she dies with it, nobody can use her and her abilities to massacre the people on the train when the bomb eventually fails to do what is necessary. Because that’s when Atsushi realizes that she cannot control her ability herself. No matter what she genuinely wants, she will never have the ability to obtain it because of this one fact. She can only be what people tell her she is.

We all know this story well, she gets saved by Atsushi and the man behind the phone is Akutagawa. Atsushi offers her the same kindness Dazai extended to him regardless of his reputation and destruction because it’d only be the right thing to do. He knows her incoming fate of eventual death for her crimes, he can’t do much, but she should at least experience normalcy this one time.

When she’s about to turn herself in, Akutagawa stops her and tells her she did her job well as a decoy for him to capture Atsushi. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there’s a peculiar oddness about Akutagawa here in his attitude towards Kyouka. In all logic, even though she is a strong tool to the mafia, she’s a low-level member, a disobedient one at that, and should’ve been killed on sight for her betrayal considering how quick he is to violence, but he talks as if nothing even happened. He brushes off any thought of her dying as she’s spouting nonsense and that she’s going to go back to the mafia as normal.

But then he spouts off about how she’s better off dead on the ship if she stops killing. What’s up with that? It’s not completely obvious at first, but he’s projecting his own experiences in the slums and beliefs formed from Dazai’s mentoring onto her. From his time when he wasn’t in the mafia, he tells her there’s nothing left out there for people like them, there’s only rock bottom. He can confidently say that there is nowhere that would accept her for her ability, demon snow, because it’s the same for him.

The only way her life can have value is to kill to be useful, just like any good mafia member. It’s exactly why that flashback with Dazai happens here. He’s the one who fed him these thoughts he’s lived with for these past 6 years, and what she’s been believing for 6 months. He doesn’t loathe her, he sees it as doing a favor for her. What else can a little girl who can kill be use of except to kill in her circumstances?

Contrary to popular belief, he is not her abuser and is not the same thing Dazai was to him. He neither trained her nor did we have information on their relationship to come to that conclusion. The only thing we know is that he was the one sent to pick her up by the Port Mafia. We can prove she is not the way she is because Akutagawa since Beast, well, exists. She is one of the few characters I can confidently say was a victim of the Port Mafia itself and not just a person of the Port Mafia specifically.

Akutagawa was trying to be what Dazai was to him, but he is selling a bastardized version of it to her. The person who was her Dazai was Atsushi, the same person who was given Dazai’s act of kindness. Someone who has experienced the same things Akutagawa has and is living proof that she can hope for something better.

He could see that the same revenge and lack of regard for her life in her eye was the same kind he met Dazai with. Despite that, these lessons he’s internalized have helped no one, not even himself. She can’t find meaning in something that is the root cause of her suicidal ideation. This life is unfulfilling for people like them who need meaning in life. Akutagawa doesn't realize this because he still has Dazai to be his motivational goal. That’s why he failed to help Kyouka, Dazai’s efforts would’ve been considered an utmost failure too if he wasn’t actively trying to fix that misunderstanding. Kindness is what actively saves us and helps us grow, the harm in abusive environments will only stunt us. But what happens when kindness is offered to us, but nothing comes out of it except proving us right that we’re unsavable? Then you have Kouyou.

Kouyou is the second person I could say was a victim of the Port Mafia. She has the same belief Akutagawa had about people like them being unable to be saved, so the only thing they can do is embrace it. I can’t claim she was Kyouka’s abuser either as we again don’t know enough, but that doesn’t change that her behavior is emotionally abusive, and is a much better contender than he is.

She’s doing the same thing Akutagawa was doing himself. Seeing themselves in this child and doing what she “needs” instead of what she wants. Just like him, she views this as saving her from the hands of light that will never make room for them and will ignore everything else she says. When Akutagawa is faced with her “disillusionment”, he… accepts it when she refuses his will and chooses another path, but almost kills her to spare her from that decision that would “doom” her.

Kouyou is much less accepting, opting to kill the root source of this hope itself, Atsushi, because her fondness for Kyouka prevents her from leaving her for dead. In contrast to Akutagawa’s attempt at being what gives her life meaning, Kouyou wants to stop Atsushi from being like the same man who also gave her hope that they could escape to the world of light. She can’t bear to see Kyouka go through the same realization she did far too late.

I can see what you're thinking, why am I reluctant to call either of them Kyouka’s abuser? Even if Akutagawa doesn't count, shouldn't Kouyou count because she seems to have an actual relationship with her and her effects are prevalent in Beast, the same points I mentioned to debunk accusations against him? Sure actually, but think about it like this. What the Port Mafia does have in common with real situations is that this is a community that is full of victims who refuse to process their traumatic experiences for any reason, and bring down others to their level when they don’t fit in their narrative to justify what’s happened to them.

There isn’t just one abuser weighing over you, there's this collective pressure from so many who aren't your abuser but they still contribute to your abuse with their presence itself. If Dazai wasn’t there in the mafia, would Akutagawa's situation have changed? Yes. Now if Akutagawa or Kouyou weren’t in the mafia, would Kyouka's situation have changed? Not at all. She’d have fewer examples to refer to, but she’d still be abused. If it’s easier to imagine, think of it similarly to cult mentality and how they keep you in cults. That is the reason I emphasized being a victim of the Port Mafia instead of an individual. Kouyou, Q, and Kyouka, while you can pin their main perpetrators on certain people, their overall situation doesn't change.

Now why doesn’t she just use the phone herself instead of letting people call Demon Snow for her? Wouldn’t she have more agency that way? Atsushi proposes this, but she rejects it instantly. It’s a very simple answer, it’s the same reason she can’t bear to look at it outside of when she’s forced to use it in combat. It’s her ability that killed her parents and why she was forced into this position.

It’s not hard for a little girl to believe she’s nothing more than a killing machine when she sees that night her ability would mercilessly kill her parents. She eventually caves when Kouyou points out how quick she is to vindicate violence to protect that hope she desperately wants a part of, and how she will never change. Her first mission with the Armed Detective Agency is proof in itself. Was Atsushi going to keep extending his kindness after hearing what she could only blame herself for?

Kouyou is a character I’ve seen that gets a lot of double standards compared to all of the other characters I’ve mentioned with abusive tendencies and is almost purely liked. She’s not seen as an absolute monster (The director, Mori) or controversial with one side containing pure dislike and another pure love (Akutagawa, Dazai), it’s only that she’s a well-written, sympathetic badass girl boss. It’s either because she’s a woman, that she doesn’t use an overt intimidation style, that her motives are more obvious in their emotional influences, or all of the above that she’s not treated the same.

Kouyou’s motivations are not special, as I’ve said. The only thing that differentiates them from the others is that they’re not covered by a mask of indifference. As fond as she is for her, she’s not much different from anyone else who holds the mafia up in high regard. She weaponizes her words in where they’d hurt the most so Kyouka would come with her. The entire last section of their battle sums up with her saying, “Kyouka come with me, they’ll only use you for your Ability when they get a hold of it. Even if the mafia did the same thing, at least they’ll accept you for who you truly are: a natural-born killer. You don’t have to fight anymore, I’ll protect you.”

When Atsushi finds Kyouka once again subsequently in her disappearance, she chooses to embrace her violence to help the Armed Detective Agency in this fight with the Guild. After her walk in where she used to reside, she comes the the conclusion she no longer belongs there. Against Kouyou’s wishes, she will brandish her blade for a home. That blows up in her face the moment she starts. Atsushi gets taken, and it’s just as Kouyou said would happen. If even her violence doesn’t get her wish, then what can she do besides leave herself to her fate?

As someone who’s seen another with a talent for killing walk the path of good and is on that same path himself, Dazai talks to her. He tells her about how she hasn’t gone through her entrance exam yet, how she isn’t an official member because she hasn’t proven her will or life on the line to help people she doesn’t necessarily know. Kyouka doesn’t believe she could’ve passed if that’s what it takes, but Dazai doesn’t agree with the points she’s brought up. So what if she’s killed or considered dangerous? That doesn’t make her less qualified to be a part of the Detective Agency, everyone there is from different backgrounds.

She can’t know everything, not even about herself. Nobody does, but it takes others to see more of yourself. Excelling in one area doesn’t prevent you from nurturing your potential in another. What would that make someone like Atsushi, a person who’s been her guiding figure throughout—but was never seen as anything more than a threat or a beast because of his ability before he joined them? The truth is, our lives aren’t defined by one purpose the moment we’re born, it’s only something you can make for yourself. We’re not the places we’ve been raised in, not the ideas people apply to us, and we’re especially not defined by the traumatic experiences we had no control over.

All of it accumulates the person we are today, and we can’t change that no matter how much we resent parts of our image that don’t hold up to what society deems as right, but it shouldn’t take control over what we want for ourselves. It isn’t fair for the victims who were forced into a life where they had to fend for themselves, the children who had to navigate an adult’s messed up world that didn’t have room for them to grow as kids should. Forced into a box where they stay unaware that they’ve ever left their mother’s womb, break out in fury with eyes that grew up too early—only to become lost and thrown away, or rot in that box without a single person knowing they were a breathing, living human being.

I deem abuse selfish for this very reason. Kouyou is wrong for this very reason. If she finds comfort in her reasoning, then I can’t critique her for her own choices and will have to respect her for choosing to stay in the mafia even when the old boss is dead, every abuse victim is different, but not a single person is born evil or good, in the dark or light. Not a soul has to stay in one place because they started there. It’s going to be a hard journey to truly achieve what you long for, results aren’t immediate and not everyone gets there no matter their effort, but still try. Try because it’s still worth trying, because you’re still worth more than you think.

In parallel, you can only get there as long as you’re seeking it. Too many see the Armed Detective Agency as something that will automatically save characters just by working there, but the only way it can help them is if they seek out their help themselves. The ADA is not the right place for every character, but Kyouka does want a place there. After her conversation with Dazai, she knows what she wants to do now. She will smash the drone she’s in into Moby Dick so nobody will have to die, but sacrifice her own life in the process. She’s chained to this place, but her choices aren’t.

She doesn’t have to die with regret, with this she can pass the entrance exam and become an agency member like she wanted. She made a difference for herself just by this act. It’d be a pretty melancholy arc if it ended like that, thank god we know it doesn’t end like this. When you become a full agency member, you gain more control over your ability, meaning—

She’s fine.

The exposition is over, let’s talk about Kyouka. Her arc is beautiful and the neglect to talk about her when it comes to her abuse story besides saying, “She’s the one who stopped the abuse cycle” and then nothing else is heartbreakingly superficial. She didn’t stop it, it’s impossible to, but she did break out of it. Kyouka’s section has more exposition than the others but I expected that. I wanted to save her for last because she’s the only one whose arc has come to a peaceful conclusion and not unfinished, and the lighter message felt nice to leave off on.

I shouldn’t berate Kouyou too much, the only reason she stayed in that room after being captured by the ADA is because she did want Kyouka to experience what she never had, and speaking with Dazai helped reassure her that Kyouka would be able to achieve her dreams. It’s no longer the age of the old boss. As well as her shedding the truth about her parent’s death so she wouldn’t have to resent her ability as not an avatar of massacre, but a product of her parents’ love that will always stay with her. She didn’t let go of the phone she’s had this entire time because her mother told her not to let it go.

Me going over Kouyou in this fashion is not me saying you shouldn’t love her character, I like her too. It’s just that it’s passed over so fast what she did, but somehow Akutagawa is more at fault here is mind-boggling. I’d get it a little more if this is because she redeemed herself by wanting the best for Kyouka over what was best for the mafia, but I doubt that’s the case when that moment is talked about so little as well.

I genuinely need you all to understand that not every character is going to have a satisfying, clean conclusion like this. Akutagawa’s story is most likely not going to have a conclusion that satisfies everyone and you should respect it when it comes. There’s no perfect way of writing abuse, but there’s no correct way of doing it either. I don’t think Dazai is going to have the repercussions you want him to have any time soon. If you got the message from Beast, getting revenge on an abuser doesn’t make us feel better or let us process what happened to us. Total resentment keeps us stuck.

The only thing that will heal us is the kindness so many offer in this series. You in no way need to extend that kindness to an abuser, you don’t need to forgive them or let them into your life again, but be kind to yourself and don’t let resentment prevent you from focusing on yourself. Forgiveness and reconnection are not the same thing. Don’t be angry when a victim does want those things. Unless it’s character inconsistent, that’s not something we shouldn’t have any opinion on as the right or wrong way to go about their lives. What if later they do change their mind and want something different from what they originally planned? That’s fine too. Everyone is different. Don’t give unsolicited advice to people who do not want it, let them decide for themselves. It is the best thing you can do.

The worst abusers are the ones who refuse to change and see wrong in what they’re doing, but what about the ones who do want that? Then also let them heal. They did something awful, why isn’t it a good thing they want to stop it now? You don’t have to let them in just because they changed though. Apologies don’t fix the damage already done, but to some victims, it feels nice to feel that what’s been done to them is acknowledged. You don’t want them to hurt others the way they’ve done to you, and neither do they. It hurts to let them forgive themselves when you haven’t and never will, you want to see them suffer, but that’s the only way things can change.

Dazai has changed, is he a good person even after what he’s done? I despise this question for any character of this series. He’s grown so much, and if you don’t think so, reread his conversation with Kyouka I beg of you. It is a far cry from his mindset in the mafia. A better person for sure, but a good person is hard to define for anyone in this series. The mafia is still the mafia, do any of them qualify as good people? The government, even if it’s the position of the right in society, is still an unjust system.

What a good person is cannot be an objective answer, people think there is but it’s not. A good person is how much we know about them and where our position in life affects our viewpoint. Prejudice values don’t make you correct in what you think a good person is, being convicted of a crime, one you might not even have committed, doesn’t automatically make you a bad person, being associated with a group doesn’t mean anything about who you are, etc. It’s all subjective in the end.

Meaning someone like Odasaku is essential in a story like this. He still has a presence in this narrative, even if he died in a light novel, because his existence pushes the boundaries of a “good person” in the fact his contradictory existence establishes itself. He failed in walking the path he wanted, but he doesn’t regret it even in his dying moments trying to.

Afterthoughts

The themes of morality and humanity go hand in hand with the abuse present in Bungou Stray Dogs, so it was hard avoiding talking about this when it was necessary. I don’t think it’s right of us to judge a character’s path that isn’t finished, in a story that’s nowhere near done. Ultimately, I’m only talking in a place of experience but never will it make me exempt from any personal bias. I tried to be as objective and nuanced as I could about this, and I hope it shows.

Abuse isn’t one of those things that I can analyze from any logical stand point or take resources to back my statements up about abuse. Of course everything I say can be backed up, but abuse is a personal, human matter and we’re just human being trying to figure out more than we can handle. I just couldn’t be comfortable with how people are now choosing to talk about Asagiri and needed to shed some light in what you’re missing.

Now I could’ve gone over Higuchi or Lucy because their stories also involve abuse, but I don’t think I could say anything new about them without repeating points I’ve already said. We know very little about Higuchi and what made her so devoted to Akutagawa, and Lucy is pretty quick to summarize considering her story is just like Atsushi’s. Q is also a character to be brought up but I don’t have enough information on them to say much about any abuse itself that happened.

Yosano was also an option but I don’t think anyone had any trouble understanding her backstory. Well I was only really aiming to speak about what’s not been spoken enough. Thank you for reading haha, god this thing is monstrous. Already got to 14k words by the time I was officially done…. I didn’t know if I wanted to lean into character analysis or just exposition, I hope it’s a good enough mix of both. This took way longer than the 4 days I was planning to write this in.

I was later reminded that I could do a post on how their abilities functioned and reflect on their abuse/traumatic events, but I didn’t think I’d have enough room for that here. It could be a bonus post eventually? I don’t think I did Kyouka enough justice in that aspect, but i’d just be beating myself up again about not making this perfect.

I hope I don’t come off scary or a very serious person? I’m very open to requests or discussions people want to engage in. Oh jeez, I’ll just embarrass myself if I keep talking. Writing this was a bit much, never really liked writing stuff myself. Sorry if glossed over anything, I wanted to stay on topic and not detail into something unnecessary.

The message BSD has is a pretty normal one, but there’s something very special about how it’s written here and I’m happy it exists. Maybe I shouldn’t have made this so long? But there’s so much to express sigh……

[cripplecharacters]

What would be your most general suggestions in order to write a character with intellectual disability respectfully and accurately? It’s hard to find many first hand accounts of people with IDs writing about what they’d like to see in these characters.

Hi, thanks for your question!

I will try to give a few general dos and don’ts on how to make an ID character - the question is vague so I won't be too specific but I hope you find something here helpful! First of all: please keep in mind that ID people are very different from each other in both personality and how exactly their disability impacts them. Some people won't be able to perform any ADLs (short for activities of daily living; things like bathing, dressing, using the bathroom or eating by yourself), some will be able to do all of them and a lot will be somewhere in-between. That makes it more complicated to figure out what is accurate and what not because it just varies greatly between people. Even people similar ability levels can be completely different - they can have different verbality levels, different physical conditions, some of them could be very stubborn while others could be the complete opposite and give up very fast, you get the picture.

What to do while writing:

Seems very obvious but make sure they're an actual character and not just their disability - give them a personality, relationships, hobby etc.

Portray the common signs of ID - a lot of us struggle with things like planning (especially long-term), organizing, abstract reasoning, problem-solving or are just slower with understanding/doing things in general. It's fine for your character to need help and ask for help with those things! They don't need to compensate for it with savant-like abilities or some amazing feats, it's ok for them to just be a regular person who struggles in some or most areas and gets adequate help so they can function better.

A lot of people with ID struggle with understanding language that isn't clear or simplified. Very elaborate sentence structure or weird wording can make it hard or impossible for your character to correctly understand what is spoken to them so if you want your characters to communicate properly they should probably use more clear speech. That doesn't mean babytalk or only giving them the bare minimum - try looking at this simplified version of this article to get an idea of what I mean (both links lead to Wikipedia). Simpler sentence structure and more common words make things more accessible.

Give your character agency over their identity and feelings. We can struggle with understanding things, but it doesn't mean we can't be gay, trans or any other LGBTQ+ identity and it's not fair to question our ability to do so. A person with ID should be able to decide about things regarding themself. Even if your character requires 24/7 care, they (ideally) should be able to have a say in who will be their caregiver, for example.

Getting someone's high needs met is not infantilization, it's just care. A character that needs help with bathing themself isn't "bad representation" or being treated like a child just because of it.

Make sure you look up how ID works medically so you don't commit any basic medical misinformation (like having it start in adulthood). Specifically look out to not confuse brain injury symptoms with ID. ID also doesn't directly affect someone's life expectancy on its own.

Connected to the last point, but you might want to try and decide on the cause of why the character has ID just because it will probably make your job as a writer a bit easier with figuring out what specific symptoms they might be experiencing. Someone who has ID because they went through severe meningitis as a little child might have different symptoms than someone born with Rett Syndrome. There are a lot of conditions that cause ID, but the most common are Down Syndrome, FASD and Fragile X Syndrome.

Try to remember: people with intellectual disability can be anyone and be anywhere! You can write a sarcastic autistic princess with ID, a loud love interest with Angelman Syndrome or a shy goth classmate with CRS and none of these would be “forced”.

What to NOT do:

Avoid the “always happy” character trope (goes double or even triple for characters with Down Syndrome because that's where it's the most prevalent). This one is a real issue with how people see real life intellectually disabled people. A character with ID should be allowed to have a full range of emotions just like everyone else.

Don't use the mental age theory - it's an ableist and harmful concept that claims that people with ID are mentally X years old (X never being their actual age). A 40-year-old character who can't eat or bathe by themself is 40 years old, not 3.

Avoid having your character compensate for their ID with some specific type of intelligence ("they're not booksmart but they have high emotional intelligence!) because that's neither how this works or what is helpful when it comes to representation. Your character shouldn't have to be smart "in some way" to be treated with respect.

Don't make your character extremely violent or brutal, especially if they're also unaware of what they're doing (basically don't make your character Lennie from of Mice and Men). I feel like this one is mostly about the impact on how some people see ID people (especially ID men of color) by painting them as inherently violent which is not true. That's not to say your character can't get into a fight but just try to be aware of this trope, especially if your character is marginalized in other ways as well.

Most people who seek any advice regarding writing disabled characters will probably know that using the r-slur is a big no, but words like moron, imbecile, feeble-minded or idiot also come directly from outdated medical terminology regarding intellectual disability. Personally, I'm very much against using them without acknowledging their origin and they can be genuinely upsetting to read.

Sorry it came out so long! I tried to put together both very basic advice and some more complex points so hopefully as much people as possible can take something away from this. If you have any more specific questions feel free to send another ask. good luck with your writing ❤️ (heart emoji)

mod sasza

[crossdressingdeath]

Rylock: King Alistair! Your Majesty, beware! This man is a dangerous criminal! Alistair: Oh, the dwarf is a bit of an arse, but I wouldn't go that— Anders: She means me. Rylock: This is an apostate who we were in the process of bringing back to the Circle to face justice! Anders: Oh, please. The things you people know about justice would fit into a thimble. I'll just escape again, anyhow. Rylock: Never! I will see you hanged for what you've done here, murderer! Anders: Murderer? But those Templars were— oh, what's the use? You won't believe me anyhow. Alistair: It seems there isn't much to say. Unless... you have something to add, Commander? Asterius: I do. I hereby conscript this mage into the Grey Wardens. Rylock: What? Never! Alistair: I believe the Grey Wardens still retain the Right of Conscription, no? I will allow it. Rylock: If... if your Majesty feels it is best...

Not that Alistair actually has any more right to allow or disallow the Wardens to conscript people than the Chantry does, but you know. Under the circumstances it definitely simplified things (temporarily).

I have a couple questions. First, why did Alistair bring a Templar? Especially in a worldstate with a mage Warden (Alistair I know you were mad about the whole Loghain situation but please don't bring a Templar to your blood mage friend's new house), but just in general it seems like an odd choice. Also how does Rylock even know that the Templars are dead? She arrives with Alistair and hasn't been into the Vigil, she has no way of knowing that. Unless she's assuming based on the fact that they're not present and Anders is...

Also: I think this is important to keep in mind whenever anyone starts saying that Awakening Anders isn't angry. He's very angry, he's just a little more lighthearted about it here! Presumably because during Awakening he's supposed to be free; the Wardens are supposed to supersede Chantry authority, he should be beyond their reach. It's understandable that he'd be a little more relaxed at a time when he was supposed to be safe than he is in DA2 where it's been definitively proven that the Chantry doesn't give a damn about that.

[twinsoftriumph]

Hello!

Any tips for drawing the twin's hair please ? Whenever i draw them, i always draw Sah's as like a spiky mountain with a curtain since i dunno how to draw tall hair yet

And Mekh...um-

Yeah

Dw Sah's hair has been evolved from mountain to Kagamine Len. Not sure if that's an improvement tho lmao-

hello! and hey for what it's worth, i also have my moments where i'm drawing their hair and i go "what.. is going on here" LMAO but also len's hair isn't all that different from spiky twin's so i'd say that's improvement! but here are some things i try to keep in mind when drawing their hair

ignore me emoting at the bottom. i would simplify their hair as a tear drop for sah and a half circle for mekh, but i also do not want them to appear Too flat. hence, the shape is a base to build off of. it helps us determine the direction of the hair, how we layer it, and the space it occupies. but sol, why a tear drop and not a triangle? to which i say We must consider that sah has hair at the Back of their head that also extends from the nape of their neck so it must be considered when drawing the hair as a whole

determining a point where the hair parts/where the bangs start from also helps us better understand how the hair flows from that point

mekh has a bang in the middle of their hair and some face-framing bangs along their jaw. you can still see the basic half-circle/dome shape of their hair, and you can see how the sections of hair logically appear to flow from the marked point on their head. the top of their head is round, the bottom of their hair is basically Flat and straight across (it's just a bob that's very flared out at the bottom) which is why the back isnt really visible from the front unless you're looking at them from a lower angle. case in point:

mekh as viewed from the back and slightly below. the traced line shows that the bottom of their hair is basically a circle lol

now sah is..... Certainly Something..... ngl im not so sure how to describe them but i will try. their bangs sweep right and i try to keep their hair in Big triangular sections to resemble the model more closely. the back of their hair Also sweeps right. id say the spikes of their hair run along the curve of the aforementioned teardrop, and you can basically use a differently-angled teardrop for the front bang as well. But Sol, you may ask again, why are some of the spikes labeled as being the Back of their hair?

ok this pic quality sucks but you get the idea. when viewed from the side, you will see that their hair also flows Back. you can also see the hair coming from the nape of the neck. sah's hair is actually like.. sorta shaggy and longer, pretty multi-layered in the hypothetical scenario that it isn't styled up which is where all those spikes come from. (i'd even say it'd extend lower than mekh's if unstyled since mekh's is so bluntly cut across.)

this got kinda long but some ending notes: honestly don't be afraid to stylize and you don't need to be perfectly on-model with their hair. there's nothing wrong with using references either, i have a bunch of screenshots of the elders from different angles and if you/a friend has the hair you can also just screenshot that to give you a guideline. and also don't be hard on yourself if it looks kinda off or anything because i have drawn a lot of spiky haired characters in my time and i still sometimes look at stuff i deemed Fit To Post and go "hm. i would have drawn that differently if i redrew it today."

but uh i mostly just hope this was helpful LOL. good luck drawing the twins!

[serenpedac]

OCs as planets

I’ve seen this uquiz go around and obviously had to do it for my OCs. Because I won’t miss a chance to talk about astronomy, I also added the first thing that each planet made me think about.

Putting it under a cut and not tagging anyone, because I doubt astronomy ramblings are what anyone is following me for and I don't want people to feel obligated to read this, but if you want do the quiz, please feel free to tag me <3

Yael

venus

passionate. romantic. loving to be loved. courtship. adoration and taste. you are your own personal aesthetic. you are hand written love letters in copper ink. you are "let me show you just how much i can love you." you are royalty and class. love has no bounds with you. your heart is wrapped in chocolate tin foil. you attract what you manifest so keep believing in love. it is you and you, it.

I swear this didn’t come to mind just because I started watching the Bridgerton prequel series last weekend, haha, but the Venus transit, the phenomenon of Venus passing between the Earth and the Sun, has been key in determining the  distance between Earth and the Sun. Before the 18th century, Kepler’s laws had given an idea of the relative scales within the solar system, but actual distances were very hard to measure. However, astronomers realised they would be able to derive the Earth-Sun distance (the “astronomical unit”, au) if they had measurements of the duration of the transit from different places across the globe. I won’t go into the maths, but the idea is that Venus crosses a different part of the Sun if seen from different locations. With some trigonometry (simplified example here, since it has images that explain this better than words can), distances can be calculated.

In order to get these measurements, entire expeditions were coordinated in the 17th and 18th century! They eventually ended up with a value that was only about 3% off from the value we know it to be today, which is pretty impressive.

Gabi

saturn

patient. stable. reliable. preserving and diligent. your capacity to hold focus on something you choose to is unmatched by all other planets. you were made for hard work that you love and that you know is rewarding. you are the shoulder that everyone wants to cry on, so remember you can lean on yourself when it seems there is no one else. there is nothing wrong with being self sufficient. you are justice and evenly balanced scales.

While I love this answer for Gabi, nothing really came to mind at first, other than the obvious rings. But then I started thinking about planetary migration, which is very cool. There’s this theory called the Grand tack hypothesis that says Jupiter formed a lot closer to the Sun than where it is now. It then started moving even closer to the Sun, until it got caught into a gravitational resonance with Saturn, and both migrated farther out, eventually ending up in their current positions. 

Laura

uranus

innovative. unpredictable. resourceful. imaginative. creativity in science and disruption. oh, uranus. you were dealt the cards that don't have much to offer, but luckily you can always make them work. you are acrylic paint that has been plastered over the same canvas so many times that it is starting to have those little grooves of texture. you are ever-changing and suddenly it stops. and starts again. keep moving. nothing is wrong with not wanting to sit still.

This is a fun one! While the rotational axes of the other planets in our solar system are more or less perpendicular to their orbital plane, for Uranus, it’s tilted some 90 degrees. Basically, Uranus is lying on its side and is “rolling” along its orbit around the Sun. This means it are its poles that are pointed at the Sun—one at a time, of course — and not just its equator. Several theories exist to explain this odd orientation of the rotational axis, for example collisions with other objects.

Melike

neptune

mercy. kindness. sweet. forgiving and compassionate. you are second chances and sometimes third. you are "its ok because everyone makes mistakes." you are "i forgive you as long as you are learning." you are not held down by the demands of your ego. you believe and right and fair. open mindedness and friendship. you are mystical and magical, observant and the smell of warm bread in the morning.

Neptune is interesting, because it wasn’t discovered as a planet by observations like the other major planets, but through a comparison between models and real-life measurements of the orbit of Uranus. A discrepancy between the two was found, which was postulated to be cause by the gravitational influence of another planet: Neptune. Indeed, some years later, Neptune was “discovered”. I say “discovered”, because the planet had already been observed several centuries before by Galileo Galilei, but he thought it was a star. The thing I like about this is how it shows how theories and observations can complement each other!

[adoredmarigold]

this isn’t an art request at all but how do you like translate the actors features into your art? I tried drawing Sidney but it didn’t look like Neve at all!

Hello! I'm not the tutorial or advice type of artist but lemme try giving some tips (please keep in mind that i'm not a professional in anyway, i'm just some self-taught artist also figuring things out haha.)

One thing I can say is that tracing can help for this! Get some pics of the character/actor you wanna draw and just try quickly tracing over their face to get a more simplified understanding of their features and how they work.

Here's a shoddy ref sheet for Amber/Mikey Madison I made for this

Get alot of pictures/screenshots of them with varying expressions and of them at different angels! Also pay attention for little things like beauty marks, scars, eyebags, smile lines, wrinkles. The smaller things can really make a difference on whether you capture someones likeliness or not.

And to be fair, I don't really try to 100% capture an actor/characters likeliness/features when I draw them, I'm very liberal on what features/details I keep and which ones I don't. Don't be afraid to turn the character into your own thing if that's something you wanna do! Trust me it's fun.

And if you're still looking to draw Sidney my friend Mooly made a very good tutorial on how to draw her!

Here's the post :) (x)

Hope this helped, sorry it's not super indepth it's just the best tip I could give for something like this.

[n41r]

Hii, it's been a while since I send an ask and hope you're doing okay! Thanks a lot for the card redraws, I can use my old card and aaaaa- They're also the perfect size when I printed the three of them on normal paper like, the attention to detail here are just too good!!! (T^T)

I want to ask on umm... maybe the elements in general and command reels, if that's okay. Does the Oreca monsters' elements affect the amount of damage to the enemy? How do you get the command to change from one command reels to another (I mean on changing from 1* reel to 2* reel for example) and/or Store Up command?

I'm doing okay, and you're welcome! I'm very glad to hear that your old companions can join in your battle again! (^^

Also wow, this is a pretty heavy question- But I'll try my best to answer to the best of my abilities, even tho I'm not really experienced in this subject-

Please keep in mind that most of what I'm going to write here are stuff that I learned second-handedly(?) from much more experienced players from both the FB community, the Japanese Oreca Battlers community, and the JP fanwiki I hope I can do what I've learned from them justice by trying to explain this-

First of all,

Elements/Attributes affect the power of your attack by a lot

Especially if you picked the right monsters with the right element attribute with your opponent

Let's take a look at this handy dandy element table that's illustrated on the JP fanwiki

As explained by Data here, a monster with fire attribute are stronger against water attribute monsters, especially if your attacks also have the right(?) element attribute as well

And by referring to the handy dandy element table from the JP fanwiki, you can easily discern which other element are stronger from which element

But as you can see, there's also the second attribute that each elements have, like Heat, Ice, Thunder, and Poison And not mentioned on the table, there are other hidden(?) attribute like Light, Dark, Holy, and Evil

Most of these second/hidden element are usually placed as an attack's attribute, like Ares's "Heat Saber" (Heat), Dia's "Shining Claiomh Solais" (Light), Mummy's "Acid" (Poison), and many, many many more-

For more precise and detailed info, I'd suggest to check the JP fanwiki instead, but for easier understanding, just refer back to the previously introduced handy dandy element table, and/or checking each character's entry in the JP fanwiki

-----------------------------------------------

And now, here comes the most complicated and hard to explain part of this game! Say hello to the hidden mechanic with no official explanation of Oreca Battle,

Skill and Technique Cost!

As explained by JP fanwiki, there is no real official statement on this mechanic, and most of what is written on the JP fanwiki are fruit of labor and experimentation by many Oreca Battlers over the years

But let's try to simplify it a bit- This is how I understand it, and it might be wrong too, so, yea- Please take this with a grain of salt-

I'm going to use my team's Beelzebub's commands reel as an example here, like, a bad example-

Let's say that a command reel have certain but undeterminable maximum value, okay? First of all, Beelzebub's first reel have "Death", which is a very cost heavy skill This means, it's going to be pretty difficult to get "★->★★" If I don't get rid of "Death" on that first reel, it will be either be nearly impossible or took a lot of luck for a "★->★★" to shows up on that reel

And not to mention, the RNG factor- Sometime, the certain command you want to change might not get replaced, or you get a bad command instead (ex. "Critical Strike" became a normal "Attack") This RNG factor became even worse when your monster reached level 10-

For example After reaching level 10, my team's Burn, CuChulain, and Culann have the tendencies to learn "Cover" or other lower cost skill to replace other powerful commands more often than they were before reaching level 10 There was this one time when my team's Lv. 10 Burn managed to learn "★★->★★★" by pure luck, but other than that, he always insist on learning "Phoenix Cloak" instead-

This is probably why every command sample you see on the JP fanwiki always insist that you need atleast one or two "Miss"/"Smile"/"Attack"/"Save up" commands on your reel, so you can fit more "★->★★" and the likes on your reel

So if you want to increase the probability of getting more "★->★★", you will need to either replace some heavy-looking skill, or take a lot of patience-

-----------------------------------------------

And that's probably the extent of what I could explain here-

I hope I could help even if just a little bit-

[frevandrest]

Okay I've been very shy for a while to ask but please if just could you bless me about what know on robespierre cuz I find some people say "he wasn't a tyrant" and he didn't control on everything and the "reign of terror" and his image get f--ked by some of thermidorian propaganda so I just wanted to know the reality of WHAT THE HELL WAS REALLY HAPPENING so can you explain the idea of "reign of terror" and whether robespierre was a bloodthirsty dictator or just a person trying to fix everything but failed in the end? .. and also why he used the term of terror exactly and why some people [you know who lmao] get upset about this .. and THANK YOU <3

Aww, I understand being shy but questions are always welcome! Now, to answer: keep in mind that all of this is very complex (more complex than what could be answered in one message), so a lot will be simplified or left out. I also hope others can add more to this if I forget some crucial stuff.

So, your questions (warning: this will be long):

"I find some people say "he wasn't a tyrant" and he didn't control on everything and the "reign of terror" and his image get f--ked by some of thermidorian propaganda" This is true. This is what happened. "Tyrant" had a very different connotation in 18th century than today, but Robespierre does not fit any of the definitions, imo, because he did not rule France. (More on that in a moment). This is not necessarily a defense of Robespierre - it is a simple fact. One can dislike him, but the term tyrant is incorrect and obscures the fact that he was just one of the people in the government. He had power, yes, but so did many others, and some of them were the ones who overthrew him.

This is where Thermidorian propaganda comes into play. These men ("Thermidorians"), in attempt to shield themselves from punishment/responsibility, retroactively (= after Robespierre's death) devised an interpretation of 1793-1794 ("The Terror") in which they blamed Robespierre and his allies for what happened, including their own crimes, and also misinterpreted the situation to make themselves seem innocent. It didn't work - most of them had to face some punishment - but the story (Thermidorian propaganda) remained, and it's still alive after 200+ years.

This doesn't mean that everything that happened in 1793-1794 was good, or that everything Robespierre did was good, but! It means that most people don't even know WHAT happened or what Robespierre really did or didn't do.

so can you explain the idea of "reign of terror"

I guess there are different ways to answer this, but here is what we know. The "Reign of Terror" or "Terror" is a name retroactively given by Thermidorians to the period of Robespierre's "rule" - but like I said, there was no rule of Robespierre per se, since many of the Thermidorians ruled at the same time, and some were responsible for the worst examples of violence during the 1793-1794 period. The name "Terror" to label "Robespierre's" policies in 1793-1794 was first uttered after Robespierre was dead and was part of the idea to make what happened seem like Robespierre's tyranny/specific policies. But those policies never existed. There was no specific government outline for the Terror. So, it is really difficult to say what the Terror was or when it began because it was never a specific policy. This is why different historians give different dates of its beginning and different explanations. The best one I could find (and the one that makes the most sense to me, imo) is that the Terror was a series of emergency measures introduced to try to win the war (France was at war with half of Europe - a crucial fact that is often forgotten when talking about this period of the Revolution) AND to protect the Revolution (because there were many who tried to overthrown it). These two goals were connected, because French émigrés (nobles and some others who left France because of the Revolution) allied with foreign powers against the French Republic, and because there were many counter-revolutionary attempts in and outside of France (for inside of France, see war at Vendée. Most of people who died in the French Revolution died at Vendée and not by guillotining).

So, the situation was dire and the government (so not Robespierre himself) decided to put a moratorium on the newly adopted Constitution of 1793 and to introduce emergency measures in an attempt to try to win the war and control the situation. Such emergency measures are what gave the government (and Committee of the Public Safety) more power than in regular circumstances, because circumstances were not regular. Whenever there is a war, it is a standard to make emergency measures, and those measures give more power to the government and also include limitations to civil liberties enjoyed at the time of peace. (We see these sort of measures in all types of wars and conflicts, from WWI and WWII to present war in Ukraine.)

So, that was what happened. Emergency measures, that specifically focused at winning the war and preventing counter-revolutionary conspiracies. It was, in a way, successful - the French won the war. (At least if we take the Battle of Fleurus as a major victory in 1794).

The issue was, imo, not that these emergency measures existed (because this is common at war), but that they were not always implemented correctly. For example, the instructions from Paris on what to do around France were not always clear, which meant that different people conducted emergency measures in very different ways, some of which were very violent (notably Carrier at Nantes or Fouché and Collot at Lyon).

Meanwhile, there was a tension between what people (mainly sans-culottes, the lowest classes) wanted vs what the government was giving them. The sans-culottes advocated for harsher measures and punishing those they deemed at fault (and also demanding price controls and other measures), and the government had to balance these demands with what was possible/realistic/politically wise. And different groups within the government had very different ideas on these things! So, what happened is that the revolutionaries/government themselves split into factions and fought against each other on what to do. These fights and divides happened even at the Committee of the Public Safety (CSP), the body of 12 men (including Robespierre) who were the de facto emergency government. This led to infighting where different factions turned against each other and many prominent politicians were guillotined (yes, Robespierre took an active role in this).

Anyway, the fights and tensions within CSP culminated in June and July 1794 and Robespierre's opponents staged a coup on 9 Thermidor that removed Robespierre and his allies. This is generally marked as the end of the Terror, even though prosecutions continued (often turned against Jacobins), and well, Thermidorian Convention had a trouble controlling the situation (inside or outside the country). They slandered Robespierre to legitimatize their move against him, and to cover that many of them were terrorists themselves (and some of them responsible for excesses in violence 1793-1794 which are today assumed to be done by Robespierre, but were not).

whether robespierre was a bloodthirsty dictator or just a person trying to fix everything but failed in the end?

Robespierre was just one of the people in charge (or in "charge", because things were very chaotic and disorganized, particularly in terms of what was going on outside of Paris, because everyone interpreted directives from Paris the way they saw fit). So, he wasn't a dictator, and not responsible for many things that are attributed to him.

Now, what he wanted to achieve. I think he wanted to win the war and protect the Revolution, but it was not really achievable because the infrastructure was not there, the institutions were not there, people's culture/mindset was not always there. I am not sure if he knew that, and there is something to say about errors he, and others in the Revolutionary Government, made in trying to handle the situation (vague instructions come to mind). That being said, it is difficult to say what would be the correct way to handle the situation (and, again, they did achieve military victory, so it's not like all of it was bad).

It is also clear that, by spring 1794, Robespierre was overworked, ill and under a huge mental strain that did not help him make the best moves (in what to do about the emergency measures and how to deal with divisions within the CSP). There are many moments that I do not understand (for example, his refusal to end emergency measures after the battle of Fleurus) and I don't think that he behaved error-free during this period.

But in order to discuss these things, it is important to know what Robespierre really did, and it's not possible to get there if we are still stuck at "18th century Hitler and one of the worst tyrants in history" story, which is just a continuation of 200+ year old Thermidorian propaganda. (With a dash of general anti-revolutionary propaganda that is common in many Anglo (?) places).

[this-is-deaf-culture]

FULL POST HERE

This is the full blog post for the Instagram post summary on @/this.is.deaf.culture, which will be linked at the bottom of this post.

Understanding the Deaf Community

What is deaf culture? Because deaf and hard of hearing people, as a minority, share similar life experiences directly related to their deafness, a culture has developed within the deaf community, in much the same way Black culture and Queer culture have. It encompasses the history of deafness in society, as well as norms and social standards among the deaf. It includes art unique to deafness, as well as common attitudes and beliefs shared among deaf people. For example, due to the nature of various sign languages, which use key words and facial expressions to create simplified versions of sentences compared to how a hearing person would speak them. Because of this, deaf people are often very direct with what they say, as there isn't much place for subtlety in signing. In the same way a hearing person might ask "I don't understand, can you repeat that slower, please?" the same question would be signed by a deaf person: "don't-UNDERSTAND YOU PLEASE AGAIN SLOW?" The concept of "don't" is conveyed through facial expression, while the rest of the words are direct sign translations. As well as directness, deaf people are more expressive in their communication--Sign Language is in the eyes, after all.

Deaf, blind, deafblind?

You may have heard the word deafblind used before, and honestly, the definition is pretty straightforward: someone who is deafblind is simultaneously deaf and blind. You probably think of the famous Helen Keller when you hear or see the word. Deafblindness, just like deafness and blindness, exists on a spectrum. In these cases, sign languages are of little to no use, and the more common form of communication from this point is Braille, a language of patterns of raised bumps that allow someone who is blind to feel the letters and words. You can find Braille on just about any important wall sign in institutional buildings. But those who were deaf for an extended period of time before losing their vision often use sign language themselves and may feel another person's signing to understand what is being said, or use tactile signing, a type of signing specifically developed to be understood through touch. Hearing aids may also be used by deafblind individuals who retain enough of their residual hearing, or who have the specific type of hearing loss that is aided by cochlear implants.

The Importance of ASL

While there is no universal sign language, due to the large population of the United States, and the large number of people who speak American English, ASL is one of the most common sign languages. Keep in mind that each sign language is not a dialect of sign language, nor is it a dialect of the language it is based off of. Each and every sign language is its own separate language, just as any spoken language is. You wouldn't consider French a dialect of Latin. American Sign Language is not a dialect of American English.

While it is a common trope or stereotype in media for a deaf character to read lips, very few deaf people can read lips at all, and lip reading is in no way accurate for anyone. Thus, signing is the most effective method of communication for the deaf and hard of hearing.

The use of ASL can also contribute to spreading awareness of deaf culture and the struggles faced by the hearing impaired every day. When more people learn to sign in the sign language most appropriate for their location or who they are signing to/for, it greatly broadens communication between people, something we should all strive to do in our everyday lives.

Ableism and the Attitude Towards, Discrimination of, and Challenges Faced by the Deaf and Otherwise Hearing-Impaired

Several studies have shown that hearing impaired people are viewed more negatively than hearing people, and deafness is viewed more negatively than HoH people (those who are Hard of Hearing). There is also a societal lack of empathy for the deaf. Many deaf people also report increased hostility from hearing people towards them because of their deafness. However, it has been shown that increased contact with the deaf creates more positive attitudes towards the hearing impaired and deaf.

Deaf people also face severe challenges in society that are often unfathomable to hearing people. In many cases, employers and institutions do not have a sufficient understanding of the needs/accommodations of deaf people. Employers and institutions are also often uneducated about deafness and hearing impairments. Another major issue is how inaccessible proper healthcare is for deaf people. Deaf people also have to deal with the struggle to communicate with hearing people (most of which cannot sign any sign languages), even with technology aimed towards those with hearing loss. However, this technology is not of much use if an individual does not have enough residual hearing or access to hearing aids. While we hear a lot about cochlear implants, they really only work for a specific type of hearing loss, and an individual with this type of hearing loss must have enough residual hearing for the implants to work. Deaf people also struggle to receive the government benefits owed to them due to a severe lack of ASL interpreters.

The Place of Hearing People in Deaf Culture

With the above information, it can be difficult to discern where hearing people fit into deaf culture, especially when trying to avoid cultural appropriation.

Should hearing people in the US learn ASL?

The short answer: YES!! ABSOLUTELY!!

But...

Some deaf people see hearing people learning and using ASL as cultural appropriation.

HOWEVER!

The general consensus among the deaf and hearing impaired has always been that learning ASL is the least that American hearing people can do to accommodate deafness. Not just that, but it’s been proven that learning ASL as a hearing person improves cultural awareness and appreciation for deaf culture!

Should hearing people in the US teach ASL?

...Now, this one is a bit more difficult. There are many hearing ASL teachers, of course. However, most deaf people feel that hearing ASL teachers don't provide an accurate representation of the language, and especially not of the culture behind it. In fact, there are many discrepancies between ASL taught by a hearing person and ASL taught by a deaf person. So much so that many deaf people who were taught by deaf people say that the language is almost unrecognizable and a lot harder to understand when used by someone who was taught by a hearing person.

See, the problem with hearing ASL teachers (well, the main one) is that the type of ASL taught by hearing people is still tied to the idea of sounds, such as pronunciations of words being translated, or the noises an object being described may make. This actually creates a rift in communication between the deaf and the hearing, and even two deaf people who were taught by either a hearing or deaf teacher, as deaf people cannot make those connections between signs, words and sounds.

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[the5n00k]

Choose violence asks: any that Sil didn't include 😅

Y'all making me do HOMEWORK TONIGHT /lh

Again, readmore bc this bitch is heafty

1: I have this problem a lot bc I tend to overcomplicate and project onto my favorite characters but honestly it's Dan from Roommates because the creator has addressed us multiple times to say it's "not that deep" (which is kind of why I went into TGAMM with a surface level understanding and once y'all opened my eyes to the iceberg it was downhill from there I love complicated characters)

2: ... Uh... scratch is ace? This is such an odd question LOL

3: I can't find a screenshot but literally every person who said Molly and Ollie look like they could be related.

5: if I speak I will be shot (owlphibia)

9: worst part of canon? Depends on the fandom I'm talking about. I'll simplify it to TGAMM because that's what most of y'all are here for and simplify that even further by saying the worst part of canon is the fact that The Internship is an episode that exists

11: I think I only filtered Amphibia and Amphibia adjacent tags once on Twitter because I didn't want the finale spoiled for me

12: normally I'd say Ollie but he's picking up some traction in the love department after Frightmares and Unhaunting (nature is healing) so imma say Harriet. Fking love her every time she's on screen I wanna kiss her (it's pride month I can exercise my girl pretty disease)

17: praying coping and seething that we get more corrupted scratch art and fics if I keep making analysis and foreshadowing collecting posts please I am carrying this theory on my back

19: I'm kind of embarrassed that I unironically enjoy Learning With Pibby and some FNF mods like Lullaby and VS Boy and Girl those rock fight me. I'm also really mad I love analog horror. Such a dumb and usually predictable genre but it pulls me in every time (Gemini Home Entertainment, Vita Carnis, and Harmony and Horror my beloveds)

20: uhhhh not much? In regards to tgamm I was never usually bored watching. I think both seasons have been well paced so far although due to my own impatience I do wish for more scratch lore in my veins immediately

21: so funny that I just said that bc I think the answer to this is scratch lore, there's so many other cool things coming this season (jinx, the Chens, the Bizmart guy, Molly's history with street magicians, Sharon's history with musicians to name a few) that it feels like we've gotten tunnel vision (I'm guilty of this too don't worry)

It feels like all we talk about anymore and I don't want to get my hopes up for it, I already have my expectations so high I'm terrified of what we're actually gonna get lol I'm trying to keep an open mind about it

24: APPARENTLY THE PACING OF OLLIE'S REDEMPTION ARC AND THE DISCUSSION SURROUNDING MOLLIE AFTER I WANNA DANCE WITH SOME-OLLIE DROPPED. I SAW SOME ABSOLUTELY RANCID TAKES. Most things surrounding Ollie just. Happen to have some very heated discussions sometimes. It's gotten better but damn it's actually very frustrating (this kid was being compared to every bigoted extremist in the books, he is 13 years old please sit down)

I THINK THAT'S EVERYTHING hot damn y'all put me to work lol /lh

[aquadestinyswriting]

A Circle None can Break- Part Twelve

Summary: Selene and Edwin have a small heart-to-heart before heading down to the Hammer and Anvil's barroom to drown their collective sorrows, Firetome finds out an interesting tidbit that will help his own schemes and all the dwarves of Fangthane have noticed that the mountain's unhappy about something as it won't stop tremoring.

Words: 2,487

Warnings: None that I can tell. Enjoy the shippy fluff that's in here.

Notes: I am very pleased to have found out what motivates Firetome to do what he does in Fangthane's Folly and the Anvil's Fall. in the meantime, I need to go give Edwin a hug

tags: @druidx, @strosmkai-rum, @homesteadchronicles, @warriorbookworm, @odysseywritings, @sparrow-orion-writes, @blind-the-winds, @writeblrsupport, @writeblrcafe

Firetome drummed his fingers on the desk impatiently. It had been hours since he’d sent young Gurrisdottir off to the Archives to find those records for him. True, it the records he was after were probably highly restricted, but surely the Archivers would be happy to help her once she showed them the note he’d given her. 

A Shaper? Here, in Fangthane? Either Kherillim had seen fit to Bless a different family due to the apparent doom that was coming for the world, or his was not the only family left in the mount with a connection to the Purged. He would know for certain either way if the girl would just hurry up with those records already!

Firetome’s mind spun with the possibilities. While Gruksdottir had clearly been raised Moradhir, was her family simply low-lying Throffites like his own? If so, then perhaps they could be convinced to join him and his fellows in unseating the Heretical Goldseeker line for good. The High Inquisitor seethed at the old memory that bubbled up to the surface:

“But Da, if Moradin’s not even really from Titan, why do we even have to worship him?” the beardlet protested. He yelped as his father swiftly clipped him around the ear,

“Hold yer wheesth, lad!” the older dwarf hissed, “D’ye want to be taken away, like yer uncle was?” Skarld’s eyes went wide with pain and fear and he fervently shook his head. His father nodded in satisfaction, “Then don’t go around saying such things where folk can hear. All you need to ken is that Moradin overthrew the Goddess that created us and the king and his family agree with Him.”

While Firetome now knew his father had greatly simplified the matter, the fact yet remained that the royal family were responsible for allowing an Outsider God into the midst of the people of Fangthane, no matter how much they now insisted that Throff was still just as revered as their supposed Dwarf Father. He was startled out of his thoughts as the door to his office swung open,

“I finally got the records ye asked for, yer Eminence.” Gurrisdottir’s voice called from the doorway, “I’m sorry it took so long, I had to spend an hour arguing with one of the Archivers, and it took them an age to find the one you were after.” The younger dwarf frowned as she placed the slates onto the desk in front of Firetome, but said nothing as she waited for permission to leave. Firetome smiled at her,

“Thank you very much for getting this for me, Birghe.” he said in his most fatherly tone, “Please don’t worry about it taking so long. Ordinarily I’d ask Vera to get these for me, but she’s out on a training exercise. I’ll have a word with the Archivers and see that this sort of nonsense doesn’t happen again.” The sandy-haired Acolyte bowed deeply,

“Thank you, sir. Do you need anything else?” she asked. Firetome shook his head,

“No, thank you, Birghe, you’re free to return to your duties.” he said, “Please pass on my apologies to Sister Imraksdottir for keeping you away for so long.” He gave the younger woman another indulgent smile as she bowed again, then walked out of his study. The smile dropped from his face the moment she closed the door behind her,

“I suppose I’d better keep an eye. I don’t need Ragnarsson questioning why I’m even after these.” he muttered, sliding the protective slate to one side and peering at the family tree that was now laid out before him. The High Inquisitor’s eyes slid up from the bottom, tracing the line from Gruksdottir herself until he noticed a name familiar to him from his grandfather’s stories,

“Well now. I wonder how long the Church was going to keep that little tidbit under wraps.” he murmured, stroking his beard as he stared at the dotted line that had been crossed through between ‘Merewin Stonespeaker’ and ‘Ragnar Goldseeker’. “Looks like I need to ask the Record Keepers some questions.” Smiling to himself, Firetome pulled out a drawer and picked up the winged eye necklace from it,

“If all goes to plan, then Fangthane will be ours by the end of the year, my Lord. Then we can finally oust the Usurper Gods from this world for good and reinstate the Natural Order.” The necklace grew warm in his hands,

Firetome’s smile fell, what a disappointment. He nodded,

Well done. However, do not rely on the help of the Shaper girl. She has been too corrupted by the Usurper to be useful to our cause. Be careful around her.

“Of course, my Lord.” he murmured, gently placing the necklace back in the drawer and locking it. He glanced back at the Record on his desk. Well, if nothing else, he had evidence that King Jotunn’s decree hadn’t entirely wiped out the Redhammer heritage from Fangthane. Oh what a delight it would be to throw that in His Majesty’s, and the Church’s faces. Satisfied, Firetome returned to the paperwork he’d abandoned upon getting the news about Gruksdottir, feeling much better about his chances.

Edwin grimaced as he watched Selene throw her belongings into her personal Bag of Holding,

"I'm so sorry that I couldn't help any more." He sighed, "Will you be alright to make it back to Toreguarde alone?" He asked. Selene huffed out a stressed sigh,

"Getting back is the easy bit." She said, her voice strained, "The hard bit is going to be telling everyone else that there's nothing I can do about the Seal, aside from hoping for yet another Divine Intervention. At least I've got time to organise a full evacuation for when…" she trailed off, shaking her head and gulping down her emotions. 

Edwin his fingers over his brow. Selene didn't need to finish her sentence. He knew full well what would be coming the minute the Seal failed entirely. Gods damn it all, why was king Storri being so damned stubborn? The cleric felt the floor under his feet vibrate, a low dangerous growl emanating from the earth below. While he was no devotee of Moradin or Throff, he'd lived in Fangthane long enough to know what such a thing portended. He cautiously laid a hand on Selene's shoulder, his heart squeezing painfully at her dejected slump,

"While His Majesty is being unreasonably stubborn, I believe that his mind can, and will, be changed." He said softly, "Don't give up entirely. Not yet." He said, his voice soft. Selene leaned back into the touch, shuddering out another sigh. She looked up at him with a small, fragile smile,

"I'll try." She said, "If he does, can you let me know? I'd rather know if I need to call off any evacuation efforts than take the risk that he won't, or will leave it until the last possible moment." Edwin nodded,

"Of course I will." He said, squeezing his old friend's shoulder. Selene leaned her head against the cleric, briefly closing her eyes,

"Thank you." She murmured. Edwin resisted the sudden urge to kiss the woman's forehead. Where had that even come from? He settled for hugging her instead,

"No matter what happens, I will be here any time you need me." He told her, "Even if you get told I'm busy, keep insisting. I'm not leaving you to face this alone." The cleric's resolve hardened as Selene nodded. He couldn't, and wouldn't, allow disaster to befall anyone else. He'd already failed Alexis and Fai. He wasn't going to fail Selene. Edwin felt oddly disappointed when Selene finally broke the hug,

"Sorry, I should be getting on with this." She said with a half-hearted chuckle, "Don't want His Royal Pain In The Ass sending over his kingsguard to kick me out." Edwin shook his head to clear it,

"I seem to recall you saying he was giving you another day." He pointed out, "At least stay until morning, Snorri and Gruk are going to be right upset if you leave without saying goodbye properly." His heart skipped when Selene snorted, looked back at him and smiled,

"I suppose it would be a bit rude to up and leave without having a few pints for the road." She agreed, "Let me just make sure I've got everything, then we can head down to the bar."  

Archlector Vanskleig sighed as he felt the floor under his feet vibrate violently. While he was of a mind to march up to the palace to give the young king of Fangthane what for following his little tantrum at the meeting earlier that day, the wrath the mountain was channelling was not Moradin's. It was Throff's. The elderly dwarf settled into his armchair and picked out another biscuit from the box next to him, dipping it into his tea to soften it. Best to leave Her to it, he decided, he could help deal with the cleanup after.

Half the mountain was abuzz with rumours that the elemental of Fangthane was getting restless as the tremors continued throughout the afternoon. The landlord of the Elemental's Crack spent most of that time making sure that everything in the pub was utterly secured and couldn't fall off if the Elemental did decide to go for a walkabout. 

Gruk frowned as he felt the floor under his feet vibrate again. Despite his father having been a Stonespeaker –one of the best of his generation – the ability had skipped a generation, leaving the smith unable to figure out what in the Pit was going on with the mountain he called home. It didn’t help that the one family member who could hadn’t felt like coming to her uncle’s pub for almost a month. Snorri placed Gruk’s stein in front of him, breaking the younger man out of his reverie,

“What’s on your mind, wean?” The elder Ironforge asked, sitting down heavily in the seat next to Gruk. Gruk snorted,

“I wish ye’d stop calling me that. I’m not even the youngest one.” he protested.Snorri chuckled,

“Well, if Ufgi showed up more often, I wouldn’t need to.” he pointed out, “So, I’ll ask again, what’s on yer mind?” Gruk looked at his older brother incredulously,

“Aside from my youngest daughter stressing herself out to the hells and back, the fact that we ken that, unless she gets out there to help, that we’re gonna have another Demon War on our hands and now the mountain’s complaining about something and neither of us can tell what in the Pit’s wrong with it?” he replied, ticking off each issue on his fingers. Snorri shrugged,

“Well, I think I can help with the last one.” he said, “Word in the vein from the Stonespeakers that’ve turned up here rather than risking the Crack is that summat’s gone and upset it. They can’t say what because, apparently, it’s talking nonsense and no one can figure it out, but that seems to be the general gist.” Gruk scoffed,

“Da probably would’ve figured it out hours ago.” he said bitterly, “Knowing our luck it’s because that damn Seal’s already given way.” 

“Given I haven’t had any panicked Scrys sent to my personal mirror in the last hour or so, I very much doubt it.” Selene’s voice stated from behind the two dwarven men. Snorri grinned at her,

“Well, that’s a relief, but it still doesn’t answer the question of what the hells is up with the mountain.” The ex-slayer’s face fell when he noticed the pack lying at Selene’s feet, “Ye’re leaving already?” he asked. Edwin grimaced as he joined the group at the table, two pint glasses already in his hands,

“His Majesty has decided that he’s had enough of our visitor and is giving her until tomorrow to pack up and get out.” he sighed, placing the glasses on the table. Gruk’s frown deepened further,

“What, did ye insult his honour or summat?” he asked. Selene shrugged and necked half her pint before answering,

“He started it.” she replied shortly. Snorri slowly got up and sent his brother a look,

“I’ll go get Reggie to deal with the bar tonight.” he said, “I’ll be right back.” Gruk cocked his head as he returned his attention to the Grand Magus and the Abouna,

“What even happened?” he asked, already dreading the answer as the vibrations in the floor became stronger. Selene downed the rest of her pint, huffed a stressed sigh and spent the next ten minutes informing the increasingly outraged smith of what had transpired in her meeting, quietly leaving out the location of the God Clay at Edwin’s suggestion.

“So, in summary, I’m free to go get the godsdamned clay if I feel like it, but His Majesty will be damned if he’s going to actually help.” she finished. The whole pub had stopped to listen into the wizard’s rant the moment it had started, after all such rants were normally extremely entertaining. This one, however, had not been. Right as voices started to rise in protest, the floor jerked violently once, then fell still, causing the voices to die almost immediately. Edwin, who had been leaning on the table, shaking his head as he listened to Selene’s rant, shot upright, jolted from his thoughts as a shock of divine power rippled through the magical weave. A dozen other dwarves followed suit seconds after, most of them lower level clerics and paladins of various faiths. Selene, looked around the room, frowning as she felt a smaller ripple in the weave,

“What was that?” she asked, a pit of dread building in her stomach. Edwin shook his head,

“I’m… not sure.” he admitted, pulling out his Holy Symbol and muttering a prayer to it. He sighed in relief when Galana immediately answered his call, a soothing river of warmth filing him from head to toe.

My sister’s taking care of things.

Edwin blinked. It was rare for Galana to give him any direct messages, especially one as short and straightforward (yet still frustratingly vague) as that. He shrugged at the perplexed look Selene was giving him,

“Apparently Throff’s taking care of matters.” he said, “I’ve no idea how.” he added as Selene opened her mouth. The wizard grimaced,

“Well, at least it’s something.” she grumbled. She glanced over to Gruk, who was frowning into his stein, “You alright there Gruk?” she asked.

Gruk peered into his beer as though it held any answers to the questions that now ran through his mind. He was no cleric- he hadn’t once felt the Call like Meredith had, and he had never had any inclination to get involved with the divine in any way, shape or form-and yet he knew he’d felt something at the same time as all the clerics and paladins had. His stomach twisted uncomfortably right as the doors of the Hammer and Anvil were slammed open.

[sisterssafespace]

How I can stop laziness and procrastination especially in my Deen studies. Like memorizing Quran and Hadith. How to have high enthusiasm? How to be zealous?

Assalamualaikum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuhu dear, thank you for bringing up such a critical topic that I am sure most of us if not all relate to and are concerned about.

A.N: contrary to popular belief and to my own nature I did not procrastinate this answer, I genuinely did not have time 🙈😅

So before I start, it is really important to differentiate between laziness and procrastination as they are completely different things. As an established professional chronic procrastinator Muslim woman I allow myself to say that calling my procrastination laziness could be offensive 😅🙈 (please note the dark humor)

But yeah, on a serious note, I found a very simplified article on solvingprocrastination.com that could really be helpful. What to keep in mind is that laziness is to willingly not do something or not fulfill a task whereas procrastination is unintentional, and it is often associated with stress and anxiety. A procrastinator basically knows that delaying this task will have negative consequences in the near or far future yet they can't help it, they can't bring themselves to do the task even if they tried. My therapist always says that procrastination is just the other face to anxiety. So it is a bit more complex than laziness.

With that being cleared out of the way, here are three tips that can hopefully help you in your battle:

Pray for guidance, ask Allah swt for help, for guidance, for steadfastness, for courage, for energy, for patience. In fact, you can ask Allah swt all that you want for He swt is the most generous, the ever-giving, the all-knowing.. you can make any duaas you want, let your heart speak for you. And Allah swt will answer 🤍

On the same note, Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught us to say this great duaa in the morning and evening adhkar which includes seeking refuge in Allah swt from laziness:

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْهَمِّ وَالْحَزَنِ، وَالْعَجْزِ وَالْكَسَلِ، وَالْبُخْلِ وَالْجُبْنِ، وَضَلَعِ الدَّيْنِ وَغَلَبَةِ الرِّجَالِ

‘O Allaah indeed I seek refuge with You from anxiety and sadness and weakness and laziness and being miserly and being cowardly and having a burdensome debt and being overpowered by people.’

Renewing or refreshing your intentions is also an excellent idea. As humans we tend to perform better when we are highly motivated. Although motivation differs from one person to the other, it works the same or it affects us all the same way. So if you spend quite the time reminding yourself of why you wanted to do that certain task in the first place, setting the right intentions, linking it to ikhlas and being loyal to Allah swt in your intentions, foreseeing all the khayr it could bring on your life or the people around you, considering it as a good deed or as an act of sadaqah, making the intention that whatever you are doing is for the sake of Allah swt, that could be quiet the motivation that's gonna fuel you and give you high enthusiasm like you asked.

May I offer you another perspective as well? One of my sisters forward this to me today thinking it could help you:

"لو شاء ربك لجعلك تحفظ القرآن بوقت وجيز، لكن لله الحكمة البالغة...

If your Lord wanted to, He could have made you memorise the Qur'an in a short amount of time; however, Allah has an all-encompassing wisdom. Perhaps there is goodness in the delay. Maybe in the difficulty, you are elevated. Perhaps Allah wanted you to increase in repeating it, so that you may earn more rewards. Perhaps Allah tested you in memorising it in that manner so that you're constantly & continually looking into it & trying to understand it. As such, your heart is revived, your soul is repaired, and you're elevated in rank & in rewards.

Finally, I want to end my answer with one word: DISCIPLINE. DISCIPLINE. DISCIPLINE. That's what makes a difference between successful people, the one who go after their dreams, the one who make things happen, the ones who truly change their lives, vs. the ones who don't. We have to learn how to discipline ourselves. Mind over matter. Sübhanallah, when you really think of it, life is indeed too short to waste it and to not try. Eventually, on judgement day, Allah swt is going to ask us about our youth and our time, how did we spend it. May Allah swt allow us to have a pleasing answer that day. Ameen.

Bonus tip: you better start small and not put so much pressure on yourself because that would only cause more stress, frustration, anxiety, and eventually leads to deeper procrastination. You can have a clear plan, make a daily to-do list, set short-term tangible goals, set your intentions to serve Allah swt, and have tawakkul, Allahu al mustaān 🤍

I hope this answer has brought some peace to your heart and a bit of enthusiasm! May Allah swt protect you from the outcomes of laziness and help you get back on the right track. And do not forget, the adhan calls five times a day " Hayyi alaa al falah " that's a call for work, for taking initiative, for getting things done, for achieving success in shaa Allah.

All the love,

- A.Z. and the girls 🍃

[virgroxaan-traumatizes-ocs]

Laphirate, The Watcher of Fate

(Please read The Disappearance of Alvarez before this!)

Laphirate is the only being that knows exactly who Virgroxaan is and what her intentions are. She also knows that she is Virgo’s top target.

Laphriate is another part of The Creator. She was tasked with managing fate. Fate is what holds every world together. Without it, reality would fall into chaos. It is her duty to make sure that is never the case. However, that means she can never interact with the outside world…

Unless someone were to take her place.

This is Aino, the creator of worlds (made by kira-does-art-sometimes)

When/if Laphirate needs to attend to something, Aino is the one who steps in and manages fate.

…Well, that used to be the case.

One day, Aino became extremely burnt out from their job of creating worlds and helping Laphirate when she needs it. They just wanted to rest. Just a moment where they can lie down and enjoy a peaceful sunny day.

“Why don’t you?” A voice questioned.

Although Aino had never heard this voice before, it sounded…familiar, somehow.

“You can take a small break. Everything will be okay. Come on, I’m sure Laphirate won’t mind.”

So, Aino pitched the idea to Laphirate, and she responded by saying “as long as you don’t take too long, I don’t see any reason why you cannot.”

…

Thousands of years later, they still did not return.

Virgroxaan took this opportunity to break Laphirate as much as possible, by first breaking something, or rather, someone that she held dear.

Alvarez.

Laphirate was forced to watch as Virgroxaan tore them apart. Broke them down. Destroyed their soul until.

Eventually, Laphirate couldn’t take it anymore.

In an instant, fate was broken.

If Laphirate hadn’t responded quickly, the universe would have been eradicated. And she could never let that happen.

…

Even if it required sacrifice.

Laphirate sacrificed part of herself to save fate. That is what caused her to spiral.

She found herself sacrificing more and more of her being in a desperate attempt to keep fate afloat. She felt Virgo’s voice getting to her head. Telling her to let go. To rest.

To fall.

And one day, she did.

…

Laphirate fell, but she did not hit the ground.

She was caught by Aino, the very person who caused her spiral.

“I’m sorry, Laphi. You can rest now, I can take care of things from here.”

“Don’t you mean we can take care of things from here?”

Another voice called out from behind them. It belonged to Alvarez.

(Made this with the power of friendship ft. asterixtheglitterguy)

“What? I don’t trust you with doing this alone! You’ll probably fall asleep on the job or something!”

“Mmm…fair point. Do what you want, pipsqueak.”

“Haha! Don’t worry Laphi, I won’t let you down!”

“Do you even know what you’re doing?”

“Not at all!”

So of course, Laphirate took the opportunity to rest and recover. She would return as soon as she felt ready to do so. She had quite a lot of faith in Alvarez and Aino, despite their flaws.

…

She just hoped they wouldn’t cause too much destruction in her absence.

Ok so once again I am writing this at 2 am so apologies if the quality isn’t great. I’m gonna be simplifying a lot of these stories (with one exception), but all of them will be really fun!

Thanks for reading! Have a great rest of your day!

[thecataclysmic6]

hihi!! sorry if this is weird kr whatever but I just realized I'm a system!! but the issue is I know next to nothing about roles and headspace(?) and everything. how do you find that stuff out? is there a beginners guide?? pls there's silly little people in my head and idk what to do about it -☁️🌱 (tag with ☁️🌱 so I can find this ask again pls? <3)

We can definitely try! Each system is different, so our experiences might also be very different. We're also still learning about what being a system entails ourselves (as we like to say, we're not a doctor, we're a patient lol).

Anyways! As we understand it, roles describe what part each alter plays in a system and can also just provide insight for others about that alter. They're not mutually exclusive or rigid, so they can overlap and even change over time.

An important distinction is between the ANPs and the EPs, that's a good place to start.

ANPs are "Apparently Normal Parts". Otherwise known as alters who take care of day to day life and usually have little to know recollection of trauma. They may have high amnesia and identify heavily with the body. A common alter type to fall under this are 'hosts'. In our system, I (Cat🐈‍⬛️) am the host and I have alot of amnesia around trauma. I'm an ANP.

EPs are "Emotional Parts". These are alters who hold onto trauma, are usually formed to keep the trauma hidden from the system, or alters who have been formed to handle specific experiences. A good example of this in our system is Ren✨️, who is a trauma holder and split to help with that specific trauma.

From there they can be placed into a bunch of other roles. Keep in mind, alters tend to be fully formed personalities and may not take to kindly to being placed in boxes. Assigning certain roles takes cooperation, communication, and time. All of which are difficult for some systems to form, don't worry if it doesn't happen immediately and don't try and rush it.

The headspace is generally what systems use to refer to the place alters exist when they are not fronting. It can be a safe place that became internalized. Each systems headspace will look different, and some don't have one at all! Ours for a very long time was just a black empty void, but over time it's changed to a black empty void but with a library.

At the moment, sysblr is very focused on endogenic vs. traumagenic. (Note we are neutral on this discourse and prefer to stay at minimum 10ft away at all times, please dont ask us our opinions on it cause it stresses us out) So alot of our sources will be outside of tumblr blogs.

Essentially endogenic systems are systems formed without trauma, while traumagenic is formed from either an incident or long term related trauma (very simplified). Keep in mind, systems are usually formed to protect from trauma and you should not go looking for evidence of trauma without guided assistance from a professional such as through therapy. Honestly, my advice is to avoid this discourse until you get a better grasp on being a system. (It can be kinda a cesspool and just not a safe place for new systems)

My best advice is to try and set up communication with your system. This can be a very long process for some but it's a good step.

Anyways long post rambling aside, I asked a few other systems to help me gather some good resources for you. I hope these can be some bit of help! Note: alot of these resources are dedicated to DID specific systems but can also be useful to other types of systems. CW: there may be triggering topics mentioned, please read with caution. Here's some that we all gathered together:

A Book about living with alters (explains headspace and developing communication):

Book describing dissociation:

Blog full of multiple coping mechanisms to help with being a system. (They also have a list of more resources on their blog)

An online list of common Alter Roles and Terminology (not conclusive and some are outdated):