#pop culture aus

[sili-a]

Life can't be all cupcakes and rainbows when your past is filled with loss

[enbysiriusblack]

wolfstar will always be that old couple that thinks all 70's pop culture is superior to anything new. they get so judged by hari who's decked out in a blur tshirt and baggy jeans and chunky cardigans and wears tracksuits when he's not exercising and has a growing cd collection. remus, to him, is so old and uncool other than his smoking habit and cardigans, and although sirius will always be the pinnacle of cool to him, he can't believe his godfather still wears flares and solely uses records and thinks some band called 't.rex' are better than nirvana.

[uncontrol-freak]

>conversation<

[zweetpea]

Wisdom or Spuriousness Part 1 of 2

Warning: Swearing

"This is not how I thought this would be going down. Let's review. Two weeks ago I got shot all the way to Sumeru desert and ended up at the feet of the Eremites. So far they've only kept me around as a servant."

"Get back to work and stop talking to yourself!" The Eremite leader said. He was one of those Stone Enchanters that summoned those geo alligators. You picked up the broom again and kept sweeping.

"Malakai! Give us the money you owe us." A Geochanter called out followed by a Hydrogunner.

"I still have a week you Fatui Bastards!" Malakai shouted at them. 

You held the broom firmly in your grip and charged at them. In the blink of an eye you were behind them, electricity pulsing through you.

"What just happened?" You shook. You held up the broom and blocked a few rocks the Geochanter threw at you. Your delusion glowed bright purple as the world slowed around you. You swung at the Hydrogunner several times, until he fell to the ground. "I don't know what I just did. Did I kill a man?"

"Viktor! Don't you Go dying on me!" The Geochanter cried. 

"Ivan... it's okay." Malakai swung at 'Ivan' and Ivan blocked. He swung his weapon around and Ivan kept backing up. You walked over to the Hydrogunner and looked over him. "You..." He hissed. "Stay away from My Ivan."

"What have I done." You whispered. You looked around and saw his gun. You grabbed it and pointed it at him. "This will heal you right? Right?!"

"With my delusion yes."

"Give it to me then, I'll heal you and then you and Ivan will go. Deal?"

"...Would you do that?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to be a killer, and I see value in people. I want you to pay it forward and forgive the eremites their debt." 

"...Okay." He hands over the delusion and you shot him with the gun. "Thank you." He stood up and threw Ivan over his shoulder. 

"Ivan, catch!" You threw the gun and delusion at him.

"What was that?" Malakai growled at you.

"Malakai! We'll take care of the debt!" Viktor shouted at you two. 

"...Get back to work.

...

Thank you for that." He whispered.

After that The Eremites started to treat you better. They'd give you more rations, start to say please and thank you when they made demands of you, even gave you a few blankets to sleep on. But they still weren't giving you the Debauchery you were promised.

"I hope you guys know that our viewers are going to be very disappointed."

"How many times do we have to tell you?!" A floral ring-dancer picked you up by your collar and held you dangling several inches off the ground. "You are not a protagonist of some erotic romance novel!"

"I have humble beginnings! And of course it's not an Erotic Novel! I've only gotten dicked down by three people and that happens very sparsely!" You're dropped on your ass. "You know sometimes I wish I'd landed myself in a fanfic or an actual Erotic Romance Novel. I wish my life was more like the 50 shades series or the 365 days series." 

"Like Anyone would ever actually want to sleep with you."

Now your butt and your pride were bruised. "Fine! Don't believe me! ...I miss Dvalin."

After a few more weeks of this Hell on earth a girl with hair resembling cat ears strolled up to the Eremites, along with a girl with dark purplish-blue hair. "Malakai! How are you?"

"Dehya! Coming home for the weekend huh?"

"Yeah. You aren't getting up to any trouble are you dumbass?"

"No! Of course not."

"Who is this?" Candace asked looking over at you.

"Hello. Um the Eremites kinda kidnapped me. But it's okay I get kidnapped like every nation I go to."

"That's... not good."

"Do you guys want them? They keep trying to flirt with everyone." Malakai asked.

"No-" "Sure." Candace cuts off Dehya. 

"What?!" Dehya exclaims.

"Come on Dehya. If they need help then I'm obligated to help them as long as they're in the Sumeru Desert. And If we don't take them with us then Cyno will definitely arrest them all."

"Yeah! I don't want that to happen."

"Are you really kidnapped?"

"Well I didn't really get a say but I don't want them to get in trouble. I was promised Debauchery though so I think the best way for me to get that would be going with you guys.

"Fine, whatever." Dehya grumbled. "But you better not try to get freaky with us okay?"

"Yes ma'am." You smiled and the women took you away.

Upon your insistence the girls brought you back to Sumeru city instead of Aaru Village. 

"Thank you ladies." You bowed like a magician doing a trick would. "Until we meet again." You used your Electro powers to race up to the Akademiya and rush into the Grandsage's office.

"Who on earth are you?"

"THE GRIM REAPER, BITCH!!"

[formosusiniquis]

Modern au Eddie gets brought in to do a special dm/dnd episode of um actually with Brennan and Matt. Steve is there behind the scenes because they don't go anywhere without each other and he also wants to meet Emily -- he likes her chaotic player energy, one guess to why. He's hanging in the back of the studio quietly watching production, just hanging out and watching Eddie banter with people who are as obsessed with his thing as him and can match his intensity even if it's at different energy tones. Eddie and Brennan would be an unstoppable force and unmovable object I can just tell.

A question comes up about 1e or something, they deliberately made the questions strange and finicky cause they knew who they were having on and really the show isn't people getting answers if you wanted that you'd watch jeopardy. The show is nerds getting pissed and argumentative about the things they like. No one gets the answer, though they go to the fact checker booth a couple times over it. No one gets it except for Steve, who has listened to every loved one he has talk about this game for the last forever. Steve who has adhd/autism brain and it holds onto strange factoids and weird snippets of longer conversations that he has forgotten. Things like Erica and Dustin arguing about the validity of gender limiters on player stats. The cast have already danced around the answer, and the set has been so relaxed and lively he doesn't stop to think about why he shouldn't call out from behind the camera "um, actually." Cause they can always cut him out, he isn't even mic'd.

He does immediately regret speaking up. Not because he isn't right. He always knew he was right. But Steve learned a long time ago that him being right isn't always worth the scene that it then causes. Like now, Eddie is perched on the furniture like a gargoyle on a church roof, "I get that point right? That's my husband, what's his is mine." They'll never get invited anywhere ever again.

So he is surprised when the email arrives in his influencer inbox; but politely turns down the invitation to play in the next season of Dimension 20. And not just because Eddie is seething next to him when he gets the invitation.

[dumbfucksystem]

you can’t tell me that with airplane’s terrible naming system that he DIDN’T have pop culture references for things in his drafts. like of course he would never actually post them as part of his daily 8k money grabbing porn content but the system doesn’t care about that, so you can imagine the kind of visceral internal reaction that sqq has when he realizes that the wife plot that he just got fucking tranquilized with is a very rough outline of a rickroll

[rocksibblingsau]

do you have any specific ideas of things that Pop trolls would do that would upset Branch and other techno trolls in general?

How they would react to Branch coming back is a big one. Not just because they think Techno culture is weird and different (tbf all tribes think that of each other a bit so that's a given) but the overall attitude of 'of course Branch isn't acting right' and the attempts to correct his behavior.

Have you guys ever heard anyone say 'Never insult someone's smile/laugh because they will feel bad every time they are happy'? The Techno Tribe doesn't appreciate seeing Branch enjoying himself only to be told he's not having fun the right way. Especially when it's not a Techno-specific trait, but rather one he had while a Pop Troll.

Their passive aggressiveness and subtle rude remarks would also bother Techno Trolls because if you don't like someone, you shouldn't pretend to while also talking badly about them. They're also of the 'if you want to be rude to someone, have the confidence to do it right' mindset. If you wanna say someone is annoying, if you're telling everyone in town then you better tell them too. Obviously venting is a different matter but with Techno Trolls you'll know if they dislike you because you're the first person they'll tell.

The one crux of that is Techno Trolls can't actually really tell what's a backhanded compliment or snide remark, so they may be told one of those and not be able to tell it's meant to be rude, so they miss the chance to tell someone off.

An example:

Pop Troll, clearly disinterested: Wow Branch as fun as it is listening to you talk about kelp, do you have any other stories about living in the ocean with raving techno trolls? Synth, very interested: Yeah Bro, these are wayyy too many fun facts all at once! I'm getting too invested in kelp now! Oh we should totally have some kelp salad!

If in this scenario Synth had been aware that the Pop Troll was trying to insinuate that Branch was being boring and to change topics to something that they actually cared about, he would have probably said something like 'Hey! If you don't like hearing him talk, you have two legs you can walk away with!' He took the words as truthful though, and genuinely believe this person liked hearing about kelp but wanted to switch topics as a quick breather from the wonders and majesty of kelp.

Same with backhanded compliments/passive aggressive 'observations'.

Pop Troll: You talk a lot. Synth: Really? Cool!

It's possible for a Techno Troll to accidentally tolerate a lot of bullying simply because they don't know bullying is happening. If you point out to them the conversation they've been having for the past 20 minutes has actually been just a subtle insult-fest of someone however they will immediately go off on the person.

[heartsandstarsnation]

something for the willow fans (who deserve so much more)

Gone but never forgotten. Tanthamore live on in fan fiction for the fans who wanted to see so much more from a dashing Princess and her devoted Knight.

We wanted to share what we’ve been working on, inspired by the lovely Tanthamore fandom.

T Shirt variations available in store very soon!

[kmbrlei]

i drew a hadesAU! of magni and dimo when it was popular and only finished them recently lol

they'd be bosses where u have a random chance of meeting one or the other until you "solve" their quest line. then when they're reunited u just get a harder boss fight where u thirdwheel them duking it out yayyy

[jomiddlemarch]

let me lay down beside you

“Mmm, darlin’, you feel so good…”

Shit.

You’d thought the one silver lining of living through a zombie apocalypse might be that you’d never have to have another awkward, it’s-totally-me-it’s-not-you conversation with a man about why there was basically no chance he could make you come, including the I-really-don’t-want-you-to-get-carpal-tunnel-or-strain-your-TMJ-trying for those guys savvy enough not to have tried the You-just-haven’t-had-my-magic-dick argument. 

All the crunchy, New Age guys who were going to whip up an Ayurvedic smoothie with exact the right combo of herbs and ripe mango and enough turmeric to dye the sea gold had gone out in the first wave. Nearly all the herbs and certainly the mango and turmeric weren’t available in the continental US.

You were supposed to get something from the universe in exchange for surviving into this new world, a compensation that would make you not regret the choice to dump out all the Ambien your roommate had just gotten filled before she never came home instead of downing it in a nice cup of cocoa and then giving yourself a soft, slow dreaming death. 

No such luck.

“Joel, hang on,” you said, gritting the words out as he did something rather lovely to the side of your neck, one big hand cradling the back of your head. You drew in a breath, prepared to have to repeat yourself, because even if you weren’t getting there, he certainly seemed well on his way.

He stopped and pulled back. His hair, greying and not just at the temples, was mussed and there was a little bit of hazy desire left in his dark eyes, but he’d made it by paying very close attention and that included you.

“Too fast? I can slow down, slow as you like, darlin’,” he said.

“That’s not it,” you said, hating this part. Hating all of it, what was happening and what would happen, leading up to when he walked out the door. Joel was a nice man. He probably would take any cheap shots or do much beyond shrugging those broad shoulders of his. “It’s not too fast—”

“Too slow? Or is that somethin’ you don’t like?”

His lips on your throat, the roughness of his beard against the delicate skin over your carotid, yeah, you liked it. If only liking that and his hands on you was enough…

You were quiet, thinking about how you were going to tell him. Maybe there was a way where you really could stay friends. Where there’d still be nights he took out his guitar and sang Johnny Cash and Patsy Cline and you sang along, the firelight around you both, gold and shadow.

“Someone hurt you?” he asked, being careful. You both knew what he meant and understood how he was letting you be the one to decide how to say it. You both remembered what it was like early on and no one in Jackson was ever required to tell what had happened before they got there. You chose what you brought with you into the community, what parts of your past you’d leave behind.

“No, nothing like that,” you said. You could see the relief in his eyes, the way his mouth turned gentle.

“You wanna boss me around? I don’t have a problem taking instruction,” he said.

“Wouldn’t make any difference,” you remarked before you could think twice about it. He narrowed his eyes and you almost reached out to touch his jaw or his wrist, your right hand fluttering before you made a fist.

“No?”

“You can’t make me come,” you blurted out. “I don’t want you to waste your time—”

“Seems to me I decide what my time’s worth,” he said.

“I meant, you don’t have to do a whole song and dance,” you said.

“Wasn’t plannin’ on it,” he said. “Not a huge fan of musicals.”

“You know what I mean,” you said.

“Frankly, darlin’, I don’t think I do. Why don’t you tell me what’s going on? I’m not going anywhere unless you kick me out,” he said.

“You’ll go,” you said. Lying was essential to living After, but not lying to yourself. That was a death sentence.

“When you tell me to. Not before,” he said, settling back against the couch. 

“I can’t—I don’t come, fucking,” you said.

“That part I got,” he said. In some miracle, he didn’t start the usual litany, asking questions about position or skill, beginning every iteration What about…“How d’you do, y’know, flying solo?”

“Once in a blue moon,” you said. Though probably less often than that. You shrugged. “It’s whatever.”

“Before, probably could’ve tried a vibrator. One of those rabbits maybe. Still find them scavenging, but the batteries are all dead and kind of hard to ask Maria for some juice to get off,” Joel said, so practically and so without the least iota of irritation you were startled into a laugh. He took your hand in his, held it lightly.

“I don’t want to go but I don’t want you to feel bad,” he said. “Want you to feel good, that’s the whole goal.”

“You say that, but everyone wants to come. They want to get the other person off. I don’t want to fake it, to make you happy,” you said.

“I’ve had over forty years to fuck, darlin’,” he said. “I want to be close to you, that’s all. However you want it, long as it’s real. You want me to try shit that didn’t work before, I’ll try it. You have some idea you want to give a whirl, fine by me. I’ll go down on you or use my hands or pretend I’m fucking Captain Kangaroo and you’re Lady Aberlin if that’s something you’re interested in. And if you want to lie in bed or on the couch in sweats and that’s all, that all I want,” he said.

“Lady Aberlin was on Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood,” you said. This was not a conversation you could have imagined happening in any universe, with or without zombies, but Joel didn’t seem to mind. 

“Okay,” he said.

“You’ll get frustrated,” you said. You thought it would come out like a warning, but it sounded like you were floating an idea, waiting for him to tell you that you were wrong.

“There some rule I can’t jack off on my own? Or in your general vicinity?” he asked.

“No, it’s not like that,” you said. You couldn’t recall a man ever asking that or proposing anything similar. It was erotic, that was undeniable, that desire coupled with a total lack of demand—he hadn’t said anything about coming on your breasts or your belly and he would have, if that’s what he imagined. Parallel play, the old child development phrase from that college psych class you’d taken sophomore year, a thousand years ago when no one, even you, had ever thought to call you frigid bitch, the guys at college too self-absorbed to notice whether or not you climaxed.

“Doesn’t gross you out?”

“No. It’s hot. It’s not that I’m not interested in sex, making you come. Just hard for me to get all the way,” you said.

“That’s not all the way, you coming, screamin’ my name, headboard thumpin’ on the wall, wakin’ up the neighbors,” he said, bringing your hand to his lips, kissing your knuckles open-mouthed. “All the way’s feelin’ safe, feelin’ like you can ask for whatever you want, say no to whatever you want. Being there in the morning, your head on my chest, hand on my heart.”

“You’re not going to try and convince me you’ve got some special move that’s going to blow my mind?” you said.

“If I had one, probably throw my back out tryin’ it now,” he chuckled. “I like the way you taste. I like the way you sing under your breath when I play ‘Annie’s Song.’ I like the way you argue and how your ass feels against my cock when you’re the little spoon and and how it looks when you drag me out dance over at Tina’s. If we figure something out one of these days, yeah, that’ll be fine. And if this is what we have, it’s plenty for me. I wanna give you anything you want, that’s all.”

“Anything I want?” you said. 

“Everything, darlin’,” he answered. “What d’you want right now?”

“I liked what you were doing before,” you said.

“What we were doing,” he corrected, but without any scolding. It was an invitation, one you had no intention of refusing.

“Let’s do that,” you said. “But with less clothes.”

“Yeah?” he said.

“Yeah,” you answered. “Maybe I do want to boss you around. Take your shirt off.”

“Yes’m,” he said and the shiver that went through you was that hint of ma’am and the revelation of his bare chest and the gleam in his dark eyes. 

Maybe it was a blue moon. 

And if it wasn’t, he’d still be here, holding you in his arms.

@goodwithcheese I took you up on your suggestion to write something for one of your anons who was hoping for a fic with an anorgasmic f!reader and a soft Pedro character...

[crimeronan]

Princess Luz AU (main timeline) thoughts: Vee telling The Polycule that her mom finally found her long-lost daughter (Before Vee actually meets Luz herself and learns shes a total sweetheart/horribly codependent mess, obviously). So she's telling 'em, like "Yeah, so I think my mom got suckered into the cult. Obviously. Because she says Luz is Fine And Not Bad. Which we all know is Impossible. So if I end up needing a new place to stay once I get replaced by Her Royal Dickweed, which of y'all's couches should I sleep on?"

And they're all there like "Girl. What."

god this made me realize i need to decide how much the polycule knows about vee's whole Deal (TM). and how Desperately Fond i am of the idea that they just. Know Everything. vee having had some tension with camila in the years that she's growing closer to these friends because camila is going "honey it's not Safe to tell people about you" and vee is like "but they won't HURT me. maybe i don't want to hide from Everyone...!"

anyway. vee describing the whole Luz Situation to them as "she's basically darth vader. if darth vader was a teenage girl" and then later when describing how taken camila is with luz, the polycule is like "....okay, hear us out. what if she's.... like anakin PRE-dark side. and your mom is..... keeping her from succumbing to the demonic powers of darkness"

vee: UGGGHHHHHHHH >:(((

[fauvester]

young elim doesnt sew but he DOES knit a PRODIGIOUS amount. standing in line for hours at the cardassian dmv playing his role as a cog in the bureaucratic machine needles clacking away

[selitoxicmoon]

[FNAF] The Glampops

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys, girls and non-binaries, let's bring some warm welcome to the Glampops!"

I'm excited to announce my FNAF AU, "Security Breach: Revision"!

The Toys have been modified by Fazbear Entertainment for the Mega Pizza Plex, inspired by 80' Pop culture and singers. Along with the Recycled, the Glampops have their work places, personalities and rooms.

"Security Breach: Revision" amplifies the size and space of the Mega Pizza Plex and brings a second chance and update to FNAF 2, 3, 4 and Sister Location animatronics. More new locations, reincoporated and modified animatronics for a better experience and new places to explore!

This AU would be shown as comic and doodles to make you know about the characters interaction with each animatronic and discover lore behind them. Details, facts, exploration and even more forward the actual story prologue before Security Breach, either way is a completely reimagined story of the actual game and universe which NON OF THIS IS CANON.

Animatronics are NOT Possessed by any children, or similar, no corpses inside the animatronics, nothing, they're clean and their personalities comes from advanced AI system programmed by the technicians and Fazbear Entertainment.

Along with all this, I can start describing the Glampops:

Glampop Freddy: Such a gentleman and leader of the team, being a big sensitive but always trying his best to confort his friends. Freddy is the center of the stage once it's the Glampops turn to sing on the Atrium.

Glampop Bonnie: Scared to show his real self, Bonnie is unsecured and nervous to the public and even friends. Bonnie sings in the left side of the stage, along with Freddy and Chica, they are singers with a microphone!

Glampop Chica: Introverted girl, clean, respectful (sometimes-), Chica is a good party girl, she's not into food like her Glamrock mate. She's not shy or embarrased at all to show her real self to the world. She's the right side singer.

Glampop Foxy: Androgynous, gender? Yes. Foxy very known as what they were "The Mangle", has given a second chance to have a complete body again, which gave them the chance to be extroverted, friendly and take advantage of the movement and look. Not afraid to show their personality and aesthetic, they're friend of everyone and indeed a good explorer. They know how to climb walls too!

[mischas]

favorite marissa ships other than ryissa? (crackships/crossover chips included)

Fun!

Marissa/Alex

Marissa/Zach

Marissa/Luke post Oliver rather than Julie/Luke

Marissa/Seth in a way that doesn't tread on Marissa/Summer somehow (they're actually more sacred than Ryan/Seth ever was and the book is in denial of this but whatever)

Marissa/Nate Archibald

Marissa/Jen Lindley

Marissa/Pacey Witter (god, a fave crackship. one day i will write it)

Marissa/Logan Echolls

Marissa/Connell Waldron

Marissa/Jess Mariano

[zweetpea]

Eternity or stasis Part 1 of 2

Spicy scene so watch out. Also some Archon/Arlecchino slander purely because I don't like the fact that the house of the hearth is basically just training child soldiers. No hate if you like her but she is definitely not a good or even morally grey person.I am so sorry about human dvalin guys. I tried not to stroke my own ego when describing him but all the concept art for human Dvalin makes him out to be a very very VERY pretty man. And I like the Hoyoverse dragons so there is a bit of that. Also sorry this took so long to come out.

"Dvalin please!" You whine

"Mine. You're mine." He growls.

"Ah!" you squeak as he squeezes your hips.

"Tight... so tight... Too Tight! Dvalin I can't breath!" 'Yeah that's me. You're probably wondering how I got here.'

20 minutes ago.

"Dvalin it's been 2 weeks since Xiao brought me back. Andruis has come to visit twice, and both times you've refused to see him. You hardly let the abyss mages and slimes bring me food. "I'm begging you, please let me go. I won't run away again just please." You pleaded desperately trying to wriggle out from between his front claws. He was splayed out like a dog lying out in the sun arms crossed in front of him to trap you in.

"Not a chance. The last two times I let you out of my sight you got kidnapped. First by those knights, then you were taken away and the abyss order has told me you were in the land of Geo. That filthy mud-ridden dragon. What does he have that I don't? What can he give you that I can't?"

"Well, no offence but physical intimacy and companionship."

"Oh really?" He growled in a sarcastic tone (and also literally growled, he is a dragon after all). A bright light blue light shined out from Dvalin's chest as he shrunk.

"Dvalin? What...?"

Standing before you was a beautiful man with sharp features. He had a long pointed nose, and sharp eyes. His face wasn't too particularly round (he had a few freckles on his face) and his chin looked like it could cut diamonds. He had long baby blue hair that fell past his shoulder blades - his bangs curled around his head to the back of his head - and glowing aqua colored eyes that pierced your soul. His horns curved up, back and towards each other; the tips tinted in dark blue. His pointed ears peeked out meekly from the sides of his head. He was tall (maybe 7 feet), and his entire body - from hid shoulders down to his waist - was broad. His chest and abs were sculped and defined. His limbs held muscles toned to perfection, yet strangely enough faded from the pale of his torso and face to a lighter blue and finally to a deep blue at his finger tips and his long nails. Finally just behind him swayed a furry blue and white tail. 

"WHY ARE YOU NAKED?!"

"Why wouldn't I be? I don't wear clothes in my true form. I feel strange like this." He looked at his hand, perplexed by the addition of a fifth finger.

"You- you- two- um-" You backed up as he stalked over to you. "Wait!" Your face heated. 

"Come here darling. You said you wanted to be physical." He pulled you toward him and wrapped his tail around you.

"HELP LITTLE SLIMES!! I fell into a trap! He's got me! And he won't let me go!" You scream as a dendro smile and hydro smile bounce toward you.

"Mine."

"Yes I know but, EH!" You try to struggle. 

"Mine!"

"Eh!"

"Mine!!"

"EH!"

"MINE!"

"EH!!"

"MINE!!"

"Dvalin! Please. This is embarrassing. And I can feel your 'friends' poking my ass."

"They just want to say hi, and they wouldn't be so eager if you didn't squirm so much on my lap." He purrs in your ear.

"We need to get you some clothes." You throw yourself from his grasp with all your might. "Maybe some apple bottom jeans."

"Jeans?" He looks confused. 

"And boots with the fur."

"With fur?"

"Really just anything to keep you 'packages' to yourself."

"Oh? So you don't want 'Physical Intimacy'?" He teases. 

"Um I..." 'Screw it. Baizhu and I are just friends with benefits.' You pull Dvalin closer and kiss him. His lips mold into yours and you poke your tongue into his mouth. He lay you down as his tongue overtook your mouth.

"I... cannot feel my legs."

"Stay right there, I'm going to get some food." He kisses your head.

"Wait!" You grab one of his horns and gently rub your thumb over it.

He lets out a breathy moan and grabs you wrist. "Keep that up and this little snack I'm getting you will be an intermission instead of aftercare."

"Did you want this?"

"It was nice, especially the feeling of your nails scratching along my back. I'll be honest, I'm willing to do anything to keep you here."

"Okay, thanks for getting me some food."

"Of course darling." He kisses your lips, and slithers out of the tower. 

10 minutes later you're feeling a bit better, that was until a certain high pitched Bard showed up.

"Dvalin! Please answer me. I know that you're up here! I'm sorry about what happened about a month ago." Venti pleads voice cracking like he's holding back tears. 

"Hi Venti..." You say apathetic.

"What are you doing here? How did you get back here?"

"Wouldn't you like to know." You snark. 

"Don't get smart with me! You turned Dvalin against me."

"I thought you'd want him to be free, and happy."

"I do. But I also want him to be safe. You are nothing but trouble, and I don't want him around you. End of story" 

"Why don't you give me one more- ow! Fudge nuggets! Anyway Venti," You limp your way over to him. "That's not really for you to decide, now is it?" You taunt.

"What gives you the right to talk to me like that?"

"What gives you the right to demand the respect of your people. You're a drunkard, Zhongli is a deadbeat, and Ei is a dictator. Not only that but the Tsaritsa endorses the exploitation of children, allowing Arlecchino - one of her Harbingers - to groom them into the perfect soldiers. They're exploiting orphans - who only have them to trust in - for their army. What good do you Archons do for your citizens?"

"Shut up!" He pushes you to the ground. Your delusion starts to glow seafoam green.

"You don't protect them. So get off your high horse you fake wannabe dei-"

"SHUT UP!!" He screams as the structure around you shakes and the air in the environment grows warmer. 

"Heh, I knew you were full of hot air."

"SHUT! UP!" He screams in your face as his hands come to wring your neck.

"GET OFF THEM!!"

"Dvalin?/!" Venti and you shout in unison. Him in horror and you in joy. Dvalin drops the food and charges at venti. 

"What have they done to you?" Venti whispers. 

"I chose to become this Venti."

"They've clipped your wings."

"You mean these?" Wings spring from his back.

"You know what I mean! Your powers are drained in this form! Why would you do this?"

"I need them that's why."

"No! I'm putting my foot down. I hate to do this but this obsession you have with them isn't healthy!" Dvalin charges at him and he dodges. Venti summons his bow (the skyward harp) and shot at you. You try to block but nothing happens. The arrow doesn't pierce you but it does knock you out and blow you far off.

When you wake up you're somewhere you haven't been before. Inazuma.  

"Okay. This isn't good. Why couldn't I block the arrow? Was it because it was Venti's?" You look down to your delusion and see it was seafoam green instead of a gold color. "Does this mean I've resonated with Anemo? I shook hands with Zhongli and resonated with Geo, Venti pushed me so..." You hold your hand out and several small wind currents form around you. You bring your other hand up and they all form into a big gust of wind shaped in a pair of wings. "Interesting. Okay... where exactly am I? This looks a bit like Ritou. Maybe I could get across to the beach."

"Outlander! Freeze!"

"Shit!" You start to jump across to the beach on your wind currents. You run through the hills of Inazuma.

"Okay I think I'm safe now. Where on earth did I go?" You run to the north end of Narukami Island.

"Hello?! Hello?" You call out as you look for anyone who could help you. 

"Hm? Hey cutie!" Itto shouts at you. 

"Aw, aren't you sweet."

"Heh. Nah, you're just adorable. Hey! You wanna beetle battle with me."

"I don't know how. Maybe a big, strong man could teach me." You flirt.

"Course I could." He wraps his arm around your shoulder. Maybe you should feel a bit bad about flirting and sleeping around but you were promised debauchery. You wrap your arm around him as he leads you to where his gang was, though you didn't get too far with Kujou Sara and her forces on you tail.

"There you are! Surrender your Vision and the blondie." She demands.

"Oh yeah, the sus girl made me twinsies with the twins."

"The Raiden Shogun has ordered any interlopers to be deported from Inazuma immediately, and if they have a vision we are to seize it form them. This... person?" She looks to you for confirmation, to which you nod. "Is under arrest for fleeing Ritou."

"So typical of a cop to be a rude bitch. Actually that's not really fair. Chevreuse, Wriothesley and Cyno are technically cops and they'll probably be considerate. Come to think of it The knights of Favonius are cops and Jean was extremely considerate. It's just the archon simps- well, no Xiao was pretty nice."

"Less talking more fighting!" Itto shouts in a frenzy. He and Shinobu have to fend of the Tenryou Commission. 

"Sorry!" You lift your hand and the gusts of wind lift the enemies off the ground.

"Now we're talking! Looks like the playing field just got a bit more even." Itto taunt.

"On my command!" Sara yell as she readies her bow. You quickly start to twist and turn your delusion to try and get in back to Geo.

"Don't do this to me. I need Geo right now." You whisper and it started to glow gold again. You quickly jump in front of Itto to block Sara's shot. You then start to pelt her with a slew of jagged spall toward the cops.

"Retreat!" Sara's companions cry.

"Cowards! get back here!" She furiously runs after them.

"Oh my gosh! That was awesome dude! Oh hey, what should I call you?" Itto cheers.

"Babygirl." you respond without missing a beat. "It's this affectionate nickname where I come from. If not that you can call me Gen with a G. Last name Z.

"It's nice to meet you Z." Shinobu greets from beside Itto. 

"Please, call me Gen. We're friend now... or something more." You mumble that last part.

"Yeah yeah yeah, formalities and such. How'd you do that? You went from Anemo to Geo in a split second!" Itto praises. "It was awesome. Does that me you have like, Anemo and Geo inside you."

"Well I don't know about Geo but Anemo and Dendro have definately both been inside me."

"Huh?"

"Uh, not the point. We should get going before the cops show up again."

"Oh right. Well Gen in thanks for you saving us I'll treat you to the Biggest bowl of Ramen I can afford."

"I don't think I'll be able to finish all by myself, but we could split it." 'Please if there is any good left in this universe or the one I come from let Itto and I do the lady and the tramp thing! Please please please-'

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" Itto apologizes.

'I love you universe!'

"Looks like Heizou was right. Caught you right where he said you would be."

"I'll handle this Itto. You just get everyone out of here." You order.

"No way! I'm not leaving you behind Gen!" He argues.

"Loyal to a tee, I see why Ayato likes you." You smile. Tenryou soldiers flinging themselves at you.

"Itto we have to go." Shinobu pleads.

"But-"

"Trust me! Go."

"I'm coming back for you!"

"Thank you." You smile. The Arataki Gang ran as the cops jump and overpower you. 

Sara bounds your wrists and ankles, and throws you over her shoulder. "Dang bound again. If I had a nickel for everytime I've been bound and it wasn't sexy, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot  but it's weird that it happened twice. Weirder still that the only two times I've been bound have both been very unsexy. 'This would be arousing if you hadn't been an asshole earlier.' You thought. 'Okay... I guess this is a little hot.'

"Hey do you want to hear something cool? According to the Babylonians, Asushunamir was this super rad person who wasn't man or woman and they were given the gift of prophecy and healing. Also the Norse had this other dude who's portrayed as really really hot and they were gender fluid  but mostly went by he. The gender non conforming have a pretty sweet gig being hot and getting people out of trouble."

"Please stop talking. Besides it doesn't matter who or what you are. Man, woman, or something in between, all obstacles in the Shoguns path to eternity must face her wrath. No amount of strange tales will spare you."

"Bring it on that tyrant is going down!"

"Brave or foolish I do not know. May I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

"I've been hearing rumors about you. They say you are not so much man or woman so... how do you work in bed if you don't mind me asking." 

"Well~ you could find out for yourself~"

"I'll have to pass on your oh so generous offer." Sara retorts sarcastically. 

"I'm a power-bottom if you must know! Nah that's a lie I'm submissive and breedable, even if I never get pregnant."

"Well... here we are. The Shogun is just inside. She will decide your fate." Sara unbinds you. 

"Bye Sara. Raiden Shogun! You better get your Bitch ass out here!" You storm through the halls.

"Who dares to insult me?" The dumb little puppet shows it's face.

"I mean the real Shogun! Come on out Ei!" As you taunt her a purple rift rips through the air and Ei pulls you into the plain of euthymia. 

"Why is a long haired hooligan in my presence. What's your name?"

"Gen. Now let's talk about something more previlent. You suck! I don't care if you have big boobies! You're a bad mom and a bad leader!"

"Excuse me?"

"You abandoned your son and say that you want to give him freedom. How is that freedom? You cast him out without anything to defend himself with! And on top of all of that he was basically a naive baby with no survival skills. How dense can you be? You are the cause of at least 25% of Teyvats major problems. Do you have any idea what He's doing out there right now?"

"Wow... you really want to die don't you?"

"Can you stop being so egotistical? There's more to this world than you ya know! I get you're sad because Makoto died, and you feel like you have no purpose. You don't feel worthy to be the Electro Archon, right? Well Miko doesn't think so. She and sara are keeping this entire nation afloat while you bitch and moan about having to do work."

"How do you know all of this?"

"Because I'm not from Teyvat."

"Obviously. You are the adored one. The one Celestia fears. That doesn't explain-"

"No!" You cut her off. "I'm literally not from this world. I've seen this twice before. I got in after beta and I have to look up past events off Youtube, because Hoyoverse is a bitch to the Genshin community. I get they want people to pay for gacha but just have them be a normal world quest or a side story or even a playable movie! Kingdom hearts did that with their mobile game! It was a bit confusing but that's kingdom hearts for you."

"...what?"

"Nothing. Point is you need to get off your ass and work. Your people are dying. They're slaughtering each other in droves. Eternity doesn't mean everything has to stay the same. Makoto wouldn't have wanted that Ei. Eternity can exist through Inazuma's preservation. Their culture and heritage and customs all play a part in Inazuma's identity. If those things can keep Inazuma thriving then Inazuma will be eternal."

"...you've seen this play out before. Is there ever a way for me to reach perfect Eternity."

"not a perfect stasis no. But from where I'm from you and Makoto's Legacy is secure. Inazuma is eternal to my people." 

"How would I even go about trying to fix things?"

"...wait that worked?"

"What?"

"I never thought I'd get this far. (A/n: SpongeBob reference!) I was just trying to sow the seed so that the twins wouldn't have to go through so much bullshit to defeat you and make you see the error of your ways. I was trying to buy time more than anything."

"Okay... so what do we do now?"

"I have no clue..."

"Um when you said twins... you wouldn't happen to mean two blonds in strange clothes similar to yours, did you?" 

"Is the puppet fighting them? Did your puppet take Thoma and they're trying to protect him?" You deadpan.

"Yes?"

"yep, that's them. Let 'em in they might be able to help." 

She does as you instruct and the twins come barreling in. "What the Fu-"

[thedeafprophet]

you know child-star-turned-social-media-influencer modern au Princess is just a whole other can of worms