#probably didn’t eat regularly/healthy either

[hlfgdlsbn]

I find it as hilarious as the next person that the twinyards are 5 foot even, but the fact that it’s completely medical explainable makes it even better, also sad, but still.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Aita for secretly following my then best friend home?

(tw alcohol abuse, probably suicidal tendencies)

I know this sounds really awful right away but bear with me. Also this is probably going to get long, sorry in advance

tl;dr I followed a guy i was friends with and had a crush on home after an argument, even after he asked me not to come to his house, bc i was worried he might hurt himself.

Last summer I (20f) moved to the US for college. I didn’t know anyone outside of college and overall I was mostly on my own which was getting a bit lonely tbh. So I was very glad when I met this guy (21m) at a party of one of my acquaintances. We got along right away and he ended up giving me his number. After that we continued talking regularly and also meeting up every now and then and overall it was a lot of fun.

At some point I started developing feelings for him but prepared myself to just wait it out and not tell him bc I knew that he liked having a very active sex life and felt like he probably wouldn’t be interested in something serious at that time.

After a few months however, he began to behave in some ways that made me pretty worried honestly. I had known that he liked to go out and party but I hadn’t known to what extent. Apparently he would get totally blackout drunk at least once a week, sometimes more than that and then he would text me or call me in the middle of the night but often I genuinely couldn’t understand what he was saying. Sometimes he would just call me like that at any time of day, crying, saying that I was his only real friend, the only person he felt safe talking to and so on. On the one hand I knew that that wasn’t healthy behaviour at all but on the other hand my crush on him kept getting worse bc who doesn’t like to feel needed.

On other occasions, he would just randomly do reckless and stupid things like one time we went to a museum and he started arguing with the guard over not being able to take any pictures and we almost got kicked out. Afterwards he laughed it off but honestly it made me feel pretty uneasy. (I didn’t tell any of my other friends about that btw, they only knew that I was seeing this guy but wasn’t dating him.)

He has told me some things about his childhood which I don’t want to share here bc he did tell me that confidentially and although this is anonymous I still don’t feel comfortable telling random people on tumblr about it. But it is severe enough for me to believe that his upbringing and the things he lived through definitely contributed to the issues that he has now. I can say that he didn’t have a great time at home bc he is bi and while homosexuality isn’t illegal in his country, it isn’t really accepted either. Also it’s generally expected that children, especially boys, dedicate their entire life to having a successful and lucrative career and then start a family and he wasn’t really in the right place to do either of that (and he didn’t want to).

He also has been facing a lot of problems and racism here bc he is a poc immigrant from a country that isn’t in good standing with the US. So while I don’t pretend I know what he’s feeling, I imagine that all of these things would affect him quite a lot.

Now I actually get to the incident that is the reason for me to send this (it rly did get long TT but I want to make everything as clear as possible).

A few weeks ago we were just hanging out, it was all pretty chill and we just sat down to eat and talk etc. It had been quite a difficult week for me, also college wise, and I felt like I really had to talk to him about him calling me at night and while I’m in class and all that. So I said as nicely as I could smth like “I don’t want to seem overbearing but have you ever thought about maybe seeing a therapist bc I don’t think what you do is healthy in the long run and I’m not a professional who can properly help you.” He immediately got really snappy and defensive, saying that he “couldn’t fucking afford a therapist and even if I could, all they do is squeeze the money out of you and they don’t give a fuck about your feelings.” I was pretty shocked tbh and responded by saying “well if you really think this badly about therapists you should clearly see one” which was probably too harsh of me but I just couldn’t help myself at that moment. He then said “oh yeah?? I’d rather die than tell any of my shit to a total stranger. But you’ve probably already told yours bc you’re all so fucking dependant on them anyway.” and then he stormed off. (Just to be clear, I don’t have a therapist bc I don’t have any issues that require one.)

I was really scared at that point bc I thought that he might do something to himself (he had said stuff like “I wish I just wasn’t here sometimes” before) so I started following him which I now think was extremely weird and creepy of me but I just didn’t think it through in that situation. He walked for about 10 minutes to a house which I assumed was where he lived (I had never been at his place before bc he always said he lived in a bad neighborhood and didn’t want me to come there) and I stood outside for like another 10 minutes thinking abt what to do bc I realized that this had been totally stupid, also it started to get dark and it really was a bad neighborhood. I ended i up calling him and telling him where I was and he let me in. He was pretty angry but mostly at the fact that I had put myself in such a dangerous situation and he let me spend the night at his place.

We actually got together not long after that and as of now, we’re dating. I know it’s not an ideal situation and probably not the most healthy one but I have been able to keep him from drinking himself into oblivion all the time bc we spend most evenings together now so I think that’s a good thing. I don’t know where things will go from here and I don’t have the illusion that i can “fix him” or anything but so far it’s been pretty good and I really do love him a lot so I just hope it will all turn out for the best. I just still feel guilty for lowkey (or actually highkey) stalking him when he explicitly asked me not to come to his house but it was out of genuine worry for him so idk if it makes me an asshole, I guess I’ll let tumblr decide that for me.

🌃🎀🍨 for finding later

[skyloftian-nutcase]

So I’m looking at just historical trends and currently focussed on beauty standards throughout different cultures and eras, and it’s so interesting that all these cultures and eras seemed to always find 2 things attractive.

-Symmetry, no matter was body type or facial features a culture and era found attractive, they were pretty much always symmetrical

-wealth

I mean, just think about it, in areas where pale skin was pretty it’s because it meant that either you or your family was rich enough that you didn’t need to work in the sun. In areas where chubbiness was pretty it meant that you or your family was rich enough you could afford to eat enough food and not do enough labor to gain that extra weight. Even down to things like long hair, long hair simply wasn’t practical for working women. They didn’t have the resources or time to make sure their hair was long and healthy, it was covered most of the time by veils and caps because they were doing physical labor so their hair probably wasn’t the healthiest. This even continues today, I mean just take the United States for example. The beauty standard is tall, fit and tanned, all things associated with the wealthy, with people who have the time and money to go and travel and not work in a office all day and have the time to exercise regularly.

Yes, that’s so true! That’s why beauty standards are dumb, they’re completely unrealistic. Like it can be fun to go with the fashion style but make it your own, and as long as you’re living a healthy lifestyle as best you can don’t stress how your body looks!

[necromaniackat]

Cruel Summer

Chapter 1: So It Begins.

It was the morning you were leaving for Heelshire mansion to begin renovations. It was your dad’s dream to turn the mansion into a bed and breakfast. He said it’s seen enough tragedies for a lifetime, now it’s time for it to see community. Your dad told you that your grandparents would never allow it while alive. Your dad died when you were twelve. That was a brutal hit to you and your mum. Mainly because your dad was a handyman and the epitome of health, yet he dropped of a heart attack at thirty. Then your mum married Adam a couple years later.

This caused a sadness to settle in the pit of your stomach. You couldn’t help but frown as you carried one your suitcases to your crappy little BMW. Hooked in your other arm was Brahms. Since you got the doll a couple days ago you haven’t paid any mind to the doll or the booklet of rules and regulations to follow when caring for Brahms. You were probably going to take it to an antique’s dealer at some point.

You put Brahms in the front seat and buckled him in. You didn’t want to send the doll flying if you slammed on the brakes. That’s at least a hundred pounds that you can put toward your next tattoo fund. Just as you closed the boot to your car a silver Audi pulled up behind you. You smiled when you realized it was your mum and stepdad. You stepped back around to the side of your car.

Your mum looked stunning in simple tie-dye summer dress and black flip-flops. Her bleached blonde hair was twisted up into a messy bun at the top of her head. Your mum always looked like a super model; she was a model at one point. That means growing up she was very much into healthy eating and exercising regularly. Just looking at you and your mum side by side, the regular person wouldn’t be able to tell you were mother daughter. You look more like your dad. You have his dark curly hair and his almost grey-blue eyes whereas your mum is a natural red head and has green eyes. You couldn’t get a tan to save your life, your mum looks like she’s mixed. You’re introverted but you become extraverted when you’re in your element which is usually by yourself while your mum was extraverted and couldn’t keep to herself to save her life. You were so unlike your mum. And sometimes that distance feels extra big.

“You alright, luv?” Your mum asked as she came up to you.

“Yeah, I was just putting my things in the car,” you replied with your hands on your hips.

“Do you have anymore upstairs?” Adam inquired with a smile.

“Of course. I always leave the heavy stuff for you,” you told him with an equally happy smile then tossed him the keys to lock up when he was done. Adam was the definition of golden retriever. He loves to be involved in your life. Which made the transition from mum’s boyfriend to stepdad all that much easier.

“I’ll go get the last of your stuff. You two…... –interact,” Adam said as he wandered up the path to your front door. You understood from his awkwardness your mum had some things to say to you that you’ll probably not like. But what else is new? Since your dad died you and your mum have had a rocky relationship.

You sighed and itched your brow.

“Listen, I know how you feel about them. I feel the same way. But this is a major opportunity for me. If this pans out, then I can quit my dead-end job. I can start living not just surviving paycheck to paycheck,” you argued before she could say anything.

“I don’t like it. That family is messed up, who knows what kinds of trouble you’ll get into because of them,” your mum posed a good point. The Heelshire side of your family are…...–different. Your great aunt was supposedly into the occult and witchcraft. There was a feud between her and your grandpa a long time ago that never got resolved.

“I know you don’t. I don’t either. But I want to do this, for dad,” you told her honestly. If it weren’t for your dad’s dream you’d put it up for sale. And maybe you will. Your memory of Heelshire mansion was a bit fuzzy.

“Jesus have mercy, Evelyn,” she muttered in defeat. Your mum sighed heavily and looked away, peering into the car. Her eyebrows rutted together.

“What’s that?” She questioned, pointing to something in your car. You instantly knew she was talking about Brahms. Your mum has a deep hatred for that doll. After the real Brahms died your grandparents doted on this doll instead of their remaining son. Your dad had to spend his late teens and early adult years living in the shadow of a doll.

“Is that Brahms?!” Your mum exclaimed looking at you like you had done something wrong. You held your hands out in front of you in defense as you tried to gather your words.

“Evelyn Elizabeth,” your mum warned coldly.

“Okay, okay! It is Brahms but I’m taking him to an antique’s dealer next week. He’s not staying,” you explained as though your life depended on it. With how angry your mum looked; it could very well be.

Your mum placed her hands on her lower back and scoffed, shaking her head.

“You’re not following those stupid rules, are you?” She asked, trying to figure out if she should just smash the doll into pieces now or allow you to prove to her that your grandparents hadn’t brainwashed you.

“I haven’t even looked at the terms and conditions book,” you retorted, crossing your arms over your chest. This earned a snort from your mum as she broke out in a fit of giggles. Little to your knowledge this is exactly how your mum reacted when your dad wanted to bring her home for a few days and he had to go over the rules.

“Okay, this is the last of it.” Your stepdad, Adam, declared as he came walking down the small path with your duffle bag of power tools and your last suitcase. You opened the car door so he could unload in your backseat next to the cat carrier with Bandit, your cat, inside. The door closed and Adam handed your keys back to you before bringing you into one of his ‘dad hugs’. They weren’t the same hugs you got from your dad; they were different. But over time Adam’s hugs became something of a comfort to you.

“If you run into any problems at all, call me and I will drive out to help sort it out,” Adam told you as you two broke away from each other. You smiled and gave him a sure nod, telling him you’d do just that. Something you’ve always loved about Adam is he’s willing to help with problems, not solve them but assist. It always gave you a chance to fix it and then to reach out for help if you needed it.

“I guess I should get going,” you murmured. Your mum pursed her lips then opened her arms for a hug. You obliged. Your mum’s arms tightened around you. You can’t remember the last time she hugged you like this. It brought both comfort and a hint of dread.

“Call me when you get there,” she said, pulling away from you. You forced a smile to reassure her as you opened the driver’s side door. Your very full lanyard jingled as you waved awkwardly. Your mum and Adam stood on the sidewalk waving at you. You wondered if this is what it would’ve been like if you decided to go to university like the rest of your peers. That thought left a sour taste in your mouth.

You gave your parents one final wave before hopping into your crappy BMW. You turned the key to bring the car to life before putting on your playlist to listen to on the drive. You never really grew out of your alt phase, at least now you have more refined tastes, so your playlist shows that. And just like that, you were on your way to Heelshire mansion.

[cynicalmusings]

yes to aphros headcanons :) — @milkstore

(the way i grinned when i saw this ask…)

okay, here goes:

They can play the guqin and possibly also the pipa. Unfortunately, during the Archon War, they didn’t have access to any instruments, so they got a bit rusty, but after a trip to Liyue Harbour and borrowing some funds from Childe Zhongli, they’re practicing again to much success. 

They can definitely play the ‘Lovers’ Oath’ soundtrack on the guqin.

During the Archon War, Aphros sometimes took walks along the river/ sea bank at the base of the mountain, and discovered a family of hermit crabs living there. From that point on, they’d come and check up on them regularly, and since then have brought up and nursed countless generations of hermit crabs over the millennia. They’re like a guardian of the hermit crabs. If you mess with the hermit crabs, you mess with Aphros.

(They have a huge soft spot for hermit crabs now, and often collect shells they’ve found while walking around to deposit them by the beach for the crabs to use once they’ve outgrown their current shells.)

They have an interest in other languages, and have gathered reading materials from over Teyvat to learn different nations’ native languages.

They prefer cold food to hot food, and savoury food to sweet food. They have a soft spot for Inazuman cuisine. 

Unless they’re by or in the sea, Aphros always looks the tiniest bit sickly. Not unhealthy, but the smallest sliver beneath looking completely healthy/ well-nourished.

At some point, they learn (or, hell, maybe even invent, because that would be cool) sign language.

In a modern au, they’d probably study Chinese literature or something at university.

This is by no means canon to the fic (saying that sounds a bit weird), but I headcanon that Aphros had the biggest crush on Havria in the past. Whether it was requited or not is something you can decide for yourself.

and some xiaophros headcanons, too, because they’re eating my brain and why not:

Xiao leaves them a leaf butterfly every morning, made from grass still glistening with dew.

Once, Aphros tried painting with ink over Xiao’s tattoo and across his back in a similar style. He found the experience surprisingly relaxing, and was slightly disappointed by how quickly the images ran off afterwards.

(Modern AU tattoo artist Aphros…? Flower shop owner Xiao?)

Going along with the common headcanon/ idea that Xiao plays the flute (probably the dizi), he and Aphros sometimes play their instruments together when he has some time on his hands—either that, or to calm him down after a wave of karmic debt.

Aphros sometimes forces Xiao to go to sleep. It’s not physical or anything, but they just glare at him and he begrudgingly crawls beneath the blanket.

Xiao and Aphros are not a very affectionate couple, necessarily. They don’t see each other often (by human standards): probably only a few times a month, but considering how long they live, it’s fairly frequent from their perspective. They’re not very physically affectionate—most often it’s hand-holding and a few pecks on the cheek, nose and forehead shared between them. Lip-on-lip kisses are a rarity, and usually saved for occasions of intense emotion, whether that be happiness, relief, sadness, desperation, etc. It’s mostly just shy, gentle touches.

They don’t say ‘I love you’ to each other much, but not because they don’t feel it: only because they don’t need to. They know how much the other loves them, and know it’s equal to their own love for the other.

Xiao has a collection of Aphros’ art and poetry in his room at Wangshu Inn, as well as his own art materials.

Sometimes, the two go on long hikes/ walks around Liyue’s mountains and landscapes. Afterwards, Aphros paints what they’ve seen, and sometimes gives those paintings to Xiao.

Obviously, Aphros enjoys Xiao’s dancing whenever he does it (if they don’t participate, that is).

For some angst, Xiao dies first out of the two. Aphros lives on a while afterwards before eventually joining him.

(i’m also working on some extra scenes from the main fic just for the fun of it… if anyone’s interested in those at some point…)

[chibitantei]

@jesterofinaba sends:

"Happy birthday, pumpkin. How do you get taller every time I see you? Or maybe I'm getting shorter. In my old age, you know."

Adachi smiles, eyes sparkling behind his glasses and long-faded scars, and greets his daughter at her apartment with a strong hug - stronger than anyone would expect from a man walking with a cane, no matter his age. As always, he'd made the trip from Inaba to the city to see his daughter, with the added bulk of the presents he'd gotten her.

"You'd better not be working yourself too hard, Detective Shirogane-Adachi. I can't keep reminding you to get your rest and eat healthy meals all the time when we live in different cities."

They did keep in close contact, though, updating each other on their lives. Cases they'd worked on, mostly, but also updates about anything interesting and possibly persona-related. Adachi had also recently adopted a rabbit, named Laura, and often sent her pictures of her.

The gifts he'd gotten her included a new holster for her service weapon, a small leather kit that included a multitude of tiny screws that he's sure might come in handy with her tinkering hobby, and of course, a helmet for her motorcycle, something he's been trying to get her to wear regularly for years. At least this one was blue, had a retro style, and hopefully wasn't too lame.

"I should have gotten you a pair of scissors, too. I haven't cut your hair since you were eight, but looking at your haircut I might need to start again, looks like." [ oh you know. grown up og family ]

Naoto's Birthday | Open

Detective Shirogane-Adachi had left her humble roots in Inaba and moved to Tokyo again, where she had been before. It was like coming home, except Dad wasn’t there to nag her all the time. She was sure there had been more promotions or opportunities for him to follow, maybe work at the same station he started at, but he never accepted, it seemed. When the day had come, he didn’t ask her to stay, although she had a feeling he wanted to, but there was a speech about birds leaving the nest and Naoto had to shush him before he became misty-eyed again.

In the blink of an eye, her presents went from plushes to something more grown up and practical, and although she didn’t want to admit it, she kind of missed the days when she was a tiny nuisance, unsure of where she stood, but knew that she loved Dad with all her heart. She didn’t want to think about the passage of time, especially seeing Dad’s cane and how he sprouted even more gray hairs.

 “Let’s take a look...”

A holster for her revolver, a real one, but the old modified model was tucked away in her bedroom, despite having finished serving its purpose years ago. She put it on, then pretended to draw an imaginary gun. “I look kind of cool now!”

The next item on the list was a little kit, perfect for the inventing hobby she never grew out of. Her homemade inventions saved her ass from danger and more than once, someone had tried to convince her to try and patent some of them. She still hadn’t decided on that.

The last one was typical, a helmet because Dad was all about safety and he couldn’t have been the Head Detective of Inaba without being a huge safety nut. “I guess I’ll concede in the Great Helmet War.” The helmet went on her head and Naoto moved her head around, making sure it wouldn't fall off. “Bonus points for it not being lame, too,” she said, though it probably sounded muffled on Dad’s end.

She took it off, then smoothed her hair. “Geez, I left it long last time and you didn’t like that either. I thought this haircut would make you happy.” In fact, her hair looked the same as it usually did. Short and a layered mess in the back.

Naoto gave him a hug, careful not to squeeze him too tightly. “I can’t believe we’ve come so far, Dad. You’ve got more gray hairs than last time! I wonder what your university self would think of you now!” She knew her kid self would have bawled because she got to be a family with Mr. Adachi and become a detective like she always wanted.

“Since you made the long trip, why don’t you stay for a bit? We can make dinner together like how we used to. Or we can go get some sashimi, maybe ramen, or maybe sushi.”

She placed a hand on her hip and adjusted the ever present newsboy hat. “But I’m getting ahead of myself. You need to rest a bit and get all your tears out. I know Okuninushi is crying up a storm since the Little Hare has grown another year older.” She gave him another hug. “But you know, thanks for being my dad, Dad. I love you a lot.”

[theramseyloft]

Beginner’s housing for a pet pigeon

We can go into the complexities involved in housing multiple pigeons at a later time.

Right now, we’re going to focus primarily on setting up for a single bird who is intended to be a companion animal.

The biggest problem you are going to run into is that the housing commercially available for birds is designed either to display a finch or a parrot.

Finch cages make excellent hospital cages for pigeons, but that is their only useful application.

A Hospital cage needs to be small to discourage the bird from moving around too much and doing anything other than eating and drinking, so that their recovery, be that from disease or injury, can progress with as few delays as possible.

A healthy bird cannot tolerate this degree of confinement for long.

Parrot cages are huge and expensive, but too narrow for a pigeon to be physically able to use.

The bare minimum requirements for any cage a pigeon will be housed in for more than an hour a day is that it be two inches wider than the full wingspan of the bird at the narrowest point, to allow their wings at least an inch of clearance on either side.

They are cliff nesters that don’t roost on branches. Round perches hurt their feet, so they need either flat platforms or square perches.

Pigeons cannot climb the way parrots can. They can only walk or fly, and they cannot comfortably fly if their wings will clip into things like hanging toys or ramps.

So they tend to prefer their enclosure be as uncluttered as possible.

Socialization is best done outside the enclosure, so that’s where most of the toys should be.

Dog kennels set up like this one above are kinder to both the pigeons and the wallets of their care taker than pretty much any indoor bird cage available.

A Labrador sized (usually marketed as a “Large”) kennel will fit bird about homer sized and smaller.

Larger breeds or breeds with longer flight and tail feathers will need a larger size as a base line.

These are very simple to modify.

The nest box is a bunny/ferret corner litter box, about $8-10 at most pet shops. Easy to clean and comfortable.

The perch is a garden stake cut to length, about $5 from the garden center at Walmart or a hardware store like Lowes or home Depot.

Honestly, if I had this to do over, the birds would get a wider, shallower food dish.

Pigeons are ground foragers. It’s easier for them to eat comfortably from a shallow dish than a deep one.

The water dish can be as deep as the pigeon can reach the bottom of.

This is the upper level of a ferret nation Double modified for my first breeding pair of Lucerne waaaay back before my loft was built, when I had a grand total of four breeding pair of pigeons and 16 pairs of Ringneck doves.

This one also has a garden steak cut to fit as a perch.

Their nest box is a large dog bowl full of timothy hay.

Notice that this enclosure has a single hanging bell toy exactly at standing head height for the birds, well out of the way of their wings.

This probably looks unbearably spartan, especially if you come form a parrot back ground.

Remember that pigeons cannot climb and will not fly in a space where their wings may bump into clutter.

The cage for an indoor pet pigeon should serve the same function as the kennel does for an indoor dog:

That is NOT where the dog lives!

At most, it’s where they sleep at night, and where a puppy stays when they can’t be supervised until they’ve learned the house rules.

Pigeons are absolutely smart enough to learn house rules just like a dog or cat.

And pet pigeons are happiest when they have the freedom of motion to exercise, play, and interact with their human flock mates at will.

While they can free fly an entire house, a single bedroom is enough space for most breeds to move around happily.

Pigeon proofing is pretty simple.

They aren’t capable of chewing like parrots, so no need to worry about your electrical chords being damaged and your bird giving them self a nasty shock.

They can’t damage wood or drywall or fabric by chewing.

Pigeons don’t eat plants, but do like the feel of ripping them and will use strips of leaves as nest bedding, so house plants may need to be protected by glass covers.

Things displayed on shelves in the room or rooms the pigeon will have access to need to be heavy enough or well enough wedged in that the bird can’t pull them down if they land awkwardly on them or push them off if they bump into or try to squeeze past them.

Papers need to be stored where they won’t be scattered by the wind that their powerful wings kick up in flight.

Any crevices too high or awkward for you to easily clean need to be blocked some how.

Poop is simple.

The poop of a well fed, healthy pigeon with a good diet should be round and solid enough that it can be easily picked up with a square of toilet paper or a tissue when wet or vacuumed up when dry.

Once you know your bird’s favorite perches, you can make clean up even easier on yourself by laying down puppy pads under them that you can just change out as often as needed.

Once a pigeon has mastered the house rules, you can do away with the cage entirely.

This is the feeding station we set up for Ankhou and Bird-bird.

On the little feed tray for cats were the feeder and waterer with oystershell offered free choice from a dish between them.

Pigeons are one of the very few animals that recognize their reflection in the mirror as a a reflected view of themselves, instead of another bird.

Most like to practice dancing, strutting, their sweeping charge, and bow-cooing in front of mirrors, so those are excellent enrichment for them.

Being cliff nesters, bricks are simply the most comfortable thing for a pigeon to stand on.

Strutting back and forth on the rough surface in front of a mirror will help them keep their claws blunted.

The bricks are holding down a crinkle sack for cats, laid out flat. 

Pigeons love noise stims. Particularly crinkly, jingly, or chiming.

The noise it made made dancing in front of the mirror extra fun on the crinkle mat.

The dead keyboard serves a similar function.

This beans box from Walmart full of straw served as Bird-Bird’s nest box.

She laid eggs fairly regularly, and slept in there most of the time.

Ankhou was a man of simple tastes. 

This baby doll blanket on the nightstand at my bedside was where he slept at night.

Social bird was social and wanted to be as close as possible to us at all times and involved somehow in everything we did.

Pigeons like to take baths, and our free flying pet liked to be offered the opportunity to take one when we showered, but did not like to actually be in the shower with us.

So we got him a little pyrex casserole dish about as long as he was that stayed on the side of the bathtub and made a habit of filling it for him before we got into the shower.

Anhkou didn’t care much for forage pans or puzzle toys, but many pigeons do and they are very simple to make.

A pan or tray with a few fists full of straw, paper strips, sand, or a mix of all three with a high value treat like Safflower seeds sprinkled in to find mimics the way rock doves would forage for seed in the wild.

Puzzle feeders for pigeons are as simple to make as crumpling a sheet of paper with a few high value seeds inside.

Pigeons love crinkly sounds and tugging on the crumpled paper or blowing it around by flapping at it will reward them with a few spilled seeds and a fun noise.

The little wicker balls for kitties with a jingle bell inside complete the holy trinity of stick-texture, shiny, and jingly, and many pigeons love to kick, peck, and toss them.

They like to pick up and shake and toss bread ties with a small jingle bell fastened to the end.

Bird-Bird’s favorite toy was the bell intended to go on a kittens collar. 

She liked to strut around with it holding it by the loop by which it was supposed to fasten and very softly jingling it.

Q-tips with the cotton tips removed and toothpicks with blunted or clipped ends are basically pigeon Legos.

Miniature wind chimes like this little angel and her harp are fun auditory stims too.

If you can swing it (ha!), pigeons enjoy swings, as long as the perch is flat.

Experiment with your birds and see what kind of enrichment they enjoy. ^v^

[astaroth1357]

Demigod MC Series: Poseidon

Fishy fishy fishy… I honestly could write 100 more things for Poseidon MC and Levi. I just love the dynamic between an insecure, otaku shut-in and a chill California surfer dead set on becoming his friend.

Demigod MC Series: Intro, Aphrodite, Hermes, Hades, Dionysus, Demeter, Athena, Hades Pt. 2, Poseidon 

For anyone unaware, Poseidon is also the god of horses. I know it's a weird combo, but I didn't write the mythos.

Lucifer

…..

They came out of the portal….

On a horse….

They brought the mortal down to the Devildom…

On a goddamn horse….

There's a demigod on a live horse brandishing a weapon and doing laps around the Student Council Room…

Congratulations, he already wants to pull his hair out!!

Honestly, it would have been preferable to pluck them out of the sea. At least then they'd just need a towel! What the hell were they going to do with an entire horse!?

And his nightmare didn't stop there. Poseidon is a notoriously mercurial god, prone to bouts of anger and spitefulness for reasons far less grievous than kidnapping his children… 

Their apology was swift and (seemingly) effective, though the tide waters around the Devildom did rise by several feet for some time…

As for the MC… uh… Well, they're an energetic one to say the least…

Lucifer hasn't met a more active individual since Mammon. They horseback ride, swim, surf, skateboard, and probably do ten other things - the point is, they Hardly. Keep. Still! 

They're also annoyingly easygoing… He can't count the number of times they've told him to, "Just chill out," or, "Hang loose…" What does that even mean??

Between having to order a stable made for their horse and just trying to keep up with them, Lucifer already thinks this mortal has caused him more trouble than they're worth… At least they keep Mammon busy...

Mammon

Upon first meeting them atop their horse, Sunset, his first thought was of course:

"I wonder if I sell that...?"

After that, they nearly fed him to sharks for trying to take their beloved steed on same night. Safe to say, he never touched a hair on its head again…

These two had a rocky start, but their relationship mended fairly quickly. As it turns out, the MC is literally one of those "go with the flow" types. You can say it was water under the bridge soon enough.

Mammon actually thinks the MC is a hell of a lot of fun, even if they're super laid-back. Most of the time, they won’t take his drive for money (or fear of his bills) all that seriously and tell him that he’s worrying too much, but they’ll still lend a hand if its on their way.

He finds their ability to control water pretty cool as well. Levi has it to some extent, but the MC can make a whole-ass whirlpool or use water like a whip! 

He once begged them to call up some rare fish for him to sell, but they got all pseudo-philosophical on him about how “trading life for material wealth” is “not cool, dude...”

He also made the mistake of challenging them to a splash fight only once…. They managed to drench the whole family with a single wave….

The only thing that bothers him is their weird insistence on being Levi's "Best Buddy…" Why would someone like them even bother with a shut in??

Is it the water? … Probably water. Levi, that lucky bastard…

Leviathan 

Thinks they're a big normie, no scratch that, a HUGE normie! The biggest normie he's ever met!! They skateboard and horseback ride for Devil's sake!!

...But they’re also, undoubtedly, the best friend he could've ever asked for.

To be fair to Levi, their friendship was sort of forced upon him. The MC took one look at him, his aquatic-themed room, and his pet goldfish then declared their new friendship status at that moment. 

Unfortunately for him, though, they're energetic, extroverted, and generally have little understanding of personal space… aka, an introvert's worst nightmare…

The next month could accurately be described as the MC doing everything in their power to make their stubborn "senpai" like them.

They would drag him out to the aquarium, beach, or pool; they befriended Henry so he could put in a good word for them; and they'd even bring him little gifts or trinkets they'd find on the ocean floor. Pretty shells and stuff like a cat bringing its master a dead mouse.

After he finally began to accept them as a persistent fixture in his life, he introduced them to gaming and anime and started accepting them little by little...

By the end of their stay, these two were practically inseparable. Not just because they like spending time together, but because they figured out they could have a telepathic link due to Levi being part sea serpent. 

No matter how far they are, they can always have a chat! (That no one else can hear so people think they’re just crazy...)

Satan

Satan honestly isn't the MC's biggest fan, he generally finds them too loud and gregarious for his liking. But their horse…?

He never really thought that he'd be a horse man... Yet it didn’t really take long for Satan to adore Sunset, their beautiful golden-maned mare. Apparently she's not their only horse, but by far their favorite traveling companion.

Sunset is a wonderful horse - brave, strong, and well-trained. It only took a few weeks before he was regularly sneaking out to the stables to brush her fur or feed her apples...

After the MC taught him how to ride, that was it. All other forms of transportation were inferior to him now.

Satan would ride Sunset everywhere and he looked damn good doing it! It takes all that fairytale Prince Charming thing he has going on and puts it through the roof.

It's a good thing too, because when I say everywhere, I do mean everywhere. Lucifer had to put seals on the House doors to keep Satan from riding Sunset through the hallways...

Of course, he’ll always let the MC have Sunset back when they need her!... with a little complaining but nothing terrible.

The MC doesn't mind much because Sunset likes him and they know he takes good care of her, but the rest of the House is slightly unnerved at how quickly he went horse crazy… What if they brought a giant crab instead?? No one wants to deal with crab-Satan...

Asmodeus 

Their body is just scrumptious. Oh, how he could look at their swimsuit-clad figure all day!! 😩

Between the swimming and the fighting, their form is toned to all hell and he can't get enough of it! Yes baby, yes!! Take those clothes off again!!! He'll help~! 😘

When he's not staring at them “totally respectfully,” then he's inviting them out to pool parties or begging them to take him riding...

There are parts of horseback riding he doesn’t like, the smell and the jostling specifically, but there is a kind of… romance to it, no?

He loves having the chance to snuggle up to the MC as they trot around the Devildom! It's so romantic, like they’re his knight in shining armor! (Or his demigod in a damp swimsuit, either works. 😏)

His Devilgram is just full of selfies of him and MC riding on the back of Sunset or sitting by the edge of the pool or them in the middle of a swim meet…

Yeah his Devilgram is now a one part him and one part MC-Appreciation account.

After the pact he'll eventually cool down some and stop staring at them like a sex-object, but even then he'll be at every swim meet. Don't you worry~

Beelzebub 

He actually really likes them! It's great to finally have another athlete in the House. 😊

The MC joined the RAD swim team just as soon the coach was able to convince Diavolo that having the child of a water god wasn't completely cheating... 

Since swim and fangol practice ends at about the same time, they walk home together a lot and complain about... sports things... (Forgive me, I don’t know sports. Uhm... Rival teams? Coaches? That one drill everyone hates? Stuff like that.)

Beel also can surf, skate, and snowboard so the two have a healthy competition going. They're about on equal footing so they tie often (except in surfing but Beel doesn't think that should count cause they’re probably cheating).

The only thing that he has to watch out for is Sunset… As in, he has to watch himself around Sunset because he absolutely could eat her on accident… 

Look, he doesn't want to and he doesn't even like horse meat that much, but even he has to admit there are times he gets hungry enough to consider it…

Of course, he knows that if he ever did Satan would rip him limb from limb then the MC would drown the rest so he really, really tries to control himself… but still… She’s a very healthy horse...

At least he didn’t try to sell her like Mammon. The MC hung him over a shark tank for that stunt… He’d feel bad, but Mammon kind of had it coming.

Belphegor 

The first time they met, the MC smelled like beach water and called him "dude-bro…" He didn't like his prospects.

For a while, he genuinely thought that they had a lump of sand where their brain was. They were just too chill!! Here he was saying that he's being held captive and they were like, "Well that sucks, man… I'll help ya, but I've got practice tomorrow. You can wait, right?"

It's not like he expected them to jump on top of it, but some urgency would have been nice…

When they eventually got around to helping him, he was actually looking forward to choking the life out of them for the extra wait. Unfortunately, they apparently had a horse…

Yeah, Belphie found out just a bit too late that the MC could summon their steed to them whenever they wanted and ended up with Sunset's hooves firmly bucking into his back for his trouble…

What followed was Belphegor running circles around the attic from the weapon-totting MC riding their terrifying murder horse until Lucifer finally intervened....

Thank the gods he wasn’t near any water….

As it would turn out later, as long as he's not being held captive in an attic Belphie kind of vibes with their laid-backness… They say they approach life "one wave at a time" or something.

He could care less about what that actually means, but what it translates to is "Stop stressing out and just keep chill" which he's all about.

Everybody should just chill out!... dude…. Nah, he'll let them stick to the “dude”-thing, it feels weird...

[missmorosis]

wiping their kisses off

inspired by this tiktok!!

w/c: 0.7k

genre: fluff!

pairings: bokuto x reader, oikawa x reader, tsukishima x reader

a/n: WHAT MOROSIS IS WRITING REGULARLY AGAIN?? yes. yes i am.

bokuto!

The two of you were in the car, getting ready to go to the supermarket together. You had been running out of some very-important necessities (read: chocolates and such), so you both went on a well needed grocery trip.

“WAIT!” he yelled before you started the engine. You paused briefly, and Bokuto smiled as he leaned over to the side to pepper your face with kisses.

“I...” A kiss. “Love,” another kiss. “You!! You looked so pretty right now, I had to kiss you." Then came a shower of more, all around your face. You smiled, but quickly used your palms to wipe your cheeks, causing Bokuto to frown.

She probably felt something on her face, right? He tried again. 

“Love you babe!” He kissed your cheek, which you promptly turned away and wiped off. 

“Love you, too,” you said, starting the car engine as if nothing happened. You twisted the keys, which jingled as you tried to hold in your laugh.

“Wha- baby,” he pouted, definitely knowing something was up. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you said, laughter threatening to trace your words, “let’s g-” Bokuto pulled your face towards his, cupping your cheek so you couldn’t run away, and pulling you into a full on kiss on the lips.

“Don’t wipe my kisses away,” he said, only for you to reach your sleeve to your lips, trying to wipe the remains of his smooch away. “HEY!” He desperately grasped your wrist, stopping you from wiping it away. “STOP!”

You could see the wild look in his eyes... he was adorable.

“I can’t keep this up with you,” you said, kissing him back with a giggle. This time, you didn’t wipe it away.

oikawa!

You had spent the night watching TikTok, and although you knew it wasn't healthy, it did have good prank ideas. One so happened to pop up into your mind, and you decided to try it first thing in the morning.

“G’morning,” Oikawa said lazily, reaching for your face to give you your morning kiss, which also doubled as a greeting. He subconsciously cupped your cheek with his hand before pecking at your lips gently with a smile.

“Good morning!” you chirped back, kissing him back quickly before wiping your lips with your wrist. Your boyfriend blinked, and kissed you again, which you again, wiped away.

At this point, he was wide awake.

“What are you-" he leaned forward to kiss you again, which you of course wiped off. "Hey-" With that you got out of bed, pushing the covers off and biting your lip to hide a smile. "Come back here!"

"Hm. Nah." You smiled your pretty little smile at him, causing him to roll his eyes.

"Fine then." He shrugged. "Your loss."

He too got out of bed, and he acted as if he didn't care anymore. This only annoyed you: whatever little reverse psychology trick he was doing was working.

"'M sorry, babe," you hugged him from the back, kissing his cheek as you hooked over his shoulder. "Just a prank."

"Knew you couldn't resist me."

To be fair, he couldn't resist you either.

tsukishima!

Tsukishima was never a huge fan of public affection. He would rather intertwine pinkies than sweep you up off the ground, since the former was less noticable.

So when he did feel particularly touchy, it was relatively rare, making it risky to pull a prank like the one you had seen recently on your FYP. You decided that the two of you were deep enough in your relationship to play a little game for your amusement.

"Hey- Y/N? What are we eating for dinner?" Your boyfriend walked out of his room and kissed your cheek as a "hello," and he stared at you as you nonchalantly wiped his "hi" away with a swipe of your hand.

He frowned, walking back up to you solely to kiss you again, only for you to wipe it again casually.

"Hm... we can eat out toni-" you started, knowing full well Tsuki was going to bring up your recent action.

"Do that again, I dare you." His dead-serious face told you why you never normally play pranks on Tsukishima.

"Don't do what?" You smiled like an innocent child (as innocent as you could be, anyway.)

He raised one eyebrow in a "seriously?" type of expression.

"Sorry- sorry. My sincerest apologies, it'll never happen again." He gave some sort of satisfied smirk.

"That's what I thought... now come here."

taglist: @floralkawa @ray-ofmoonlight @kirishimas-manly-eyeliner @idontlikeyourjob @sushijimawakatoshi @bokutsumie @kozu-zumi @jesssobs @nachotrash @tsukkisberry @crystal-lilac @hannas16 @cherriesradio @elektrosonix ​ @marissawrld ​DAILY REMINDER THAT I LOVE YOU GUYS

also im staring at you until you reblog/comment bc reblogs and feedback are hot 👁👁

[blackgirlluxury]

🌹Deep Self Care for the Luxurious Woman 🌹

Self care goes beyond getting your nails and toes done every two weeks. Self care is deeper than bubble baths at night & high tea with the girls on Sunday mornings. Are you REALLY taking care of you?

Teeth 👄

There’s a reason I’m speaking on this first, too many people neglect their oral health. You need to floss nightly, visit the dentist for cleanings regularly, change your toothbrush often, invest in teeth whitening, brush your tongue, ensure you’re cleaning your throat by gargling, removing tonsil stones (google it). Before I even brush my teeth I floss & I rinse my mouth with peroxide (been doing this for years & my enamel is still fine)...I put toothpaste on my toothbrush and I’ll sprinkle baking soda on top. After brushing my teeth, inner cheeks, roof and tongue for at least 2 minutes I gargle for a full minute with mouthwash and I’ll rinse with water. Please get braces or veneers or whatever floats your boat if you need to.

Body 🧍🏽‍♀️

I’m not here to body shame by any means but your body weight should be in a healthy range for your height. If you are obese, lose weight PERIOD!

Eat healthier, at least 5 servings of fruits and veggies daily. Exercise at least 3 days a week even if it’s just a 45 minute walk. Meal prep and if you lack discipline you should probably invest in a meal delivery service. I’ve tried Daily Harvest and it was pretty good. If you can afford it, invest in a gym membership and/or personal trainer. Make sure to take your vitamins and drink at least 2 liters of water daily but I personally aim for 3 liters. Don’t be ashamed to get liposuction or any other bodily procedures, but you will still have to eat healthy and workout regularly to maintain results.

Skin 👸🏽

Exfoliate your body as well & don’t neglect your hands and feet. You should be bathing or showering daily to remove dead skin. Ensure you are using a back brush with a long handle to wash your back and don’t forget to scrub your neck and clavicle. Clean your ears and don’t forget to clean behind them as well.

How does your hair look underneath your wig? You better be washing it and deep conditioning it often! Don’t forget to oil your hair and scalp lightly to prevent breakage. After showering, moisturize your body with a nice body oil or cream. I like Laura Mercier’s body cream in the scent Creme Brûlée. Find your signature scent and wear it when you leave the house. My favorite perfumes are Kilian’s Love Don’t be Shy and Montale’s Vanilla Cake (I’m a sucker for gourmands).

Nails & Outward Appearance 💅🏾

However you decide to wear your nails, keep them neat and pretty. My personal preference is medium, oval nails in either Ferrari Red or pink and white ombré. Whether you go to a salon or do your nails at home make sure you’re getting them done regularly (2-3x month). Please get pedicures often and opt for a deluxe pedicure when you can. Tip: put some aquaphor on your heels every night to keep them soft.

Whether your hair is natural, relaxed, pressed or braided please make sure it’s neat! Hair is one of the first things a person will see when they look at you. Keep it clean and smelling fresh. If you wear wigs, wash and restyle them often.

Makeup should be soft and natural. Eye lashes should not look like that of a camel (I love Lashify lashes).

Clothing should be tailored when needed, clean and washed between wears. Please follow garment care directions that are on clothing tags.

Make sure you carry lotion and lip balm with you at all times in case you get crusty.

Mind 🧠

Start going to yoga classes. Journal, meditate, write affirmations, get professional massages regularly. If you’re going through something emotional , please seek help. Make sure you’re being nice to yourself, lifting yourself up & doing things that make you happy. Never ever talk down to or about yourself especially when you’re around others. People will treat you the way you treat yourself. Don’t be afraid to go out alone whether you’re in a relationship or not. I’m married and I still go to dinner and movies alone sometimes because I love having time to myself. Work on your goals, stop bullshitting and start your business. If you don’t want to start a business then you need to make sure you’re climbing that corporate ladder. Make a vision board or book to keep yourself motivated. Learn new languages and skills.

Finally..... ✨

If you are in a relationship with or entertaining a man that isn’t helping you, uplifting you, providing for you, leave him. If you are paying for dates or begging him to call and text you, leave him. If you didn’t get anything on Valentine’s Day, leave him. If you’re paying for your own birthday dinner, leave him. If you aren’t feeling completely fulfilled, loved, respected, adored and cherished in your relationship, leave him. You deserve better and you will find the man of your dreams when you least expect it.

[oitommothetease]

Happiness (2/3)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader (Modern AU)

Description :

There'll be happiness after you But there was happiness because of you, too Both of these things can be true There is happiness

Word Count : 4.1k words

Warning : angst, sad reader, pain, mention of cheating, ex Steve, smut (not a lot tho), What the fuck is Steve doing?, Bucky Barnes my beloved

You met Bucky Barnes at your worst. After Steve, things had not been going smoothly. You lost your job because the court didn't like that you weren't present during trials. Of course, the divorce attorney needs to be present to finalize the divorce, but in your defense — well, you had none. Your friends didn't hang out with you much because apparently, you were the buzzkill of the group. They all sucked anyway. Actually, they didn't, but you told yourself that they did so that you don't feel bad about yourself. And you had to downsize your apartment because you can't pay the rent for a two-bedroom apartment without a job. 

So now you were living in your sister's basement, eating ice cream for lunch and watching true-crime documentaries all day long. Your sister didn't think this lifestyle was healthy, but you didn't have the strength to get your shit together. And you probably would have lived like this until one day you realized that you had missed your period. You weren’t pregnant, you hadn't had sex in 6 months. The only living being that had come in contact with your body was Alpine.

So, you went to your gynecologist, and she recommended you to not lie in bed all day. Evidently, being stressed all the time and having a dormant lifestyle without physical exertion is unhealthy. You hated your period, and now you have to work out to get them regularly? Fuck menstruation, you thought.

Yeah, you knew you were being bitter, but moving on was hard, especially when you've been cheated on — twice. It was okay with Tony because he had this whole playboy reputation, it didn't hurt that much, but with Steve, it was different. He was a gentleman who always prioritized your comfort above everything. It was easier to blame Tony for his infidelity, but with Steve, you realized that no one was to blame but yourself. You can’t even degrade him because he was genuinely nice to you, so your mind usually wanders places where it shouldn’t, telling you that maybe it was your fault, or maybe you did something wrong.

Everything about Steve was amazing, maybe the only thing wrong was you, maybe you weren’t amazing. You knew Peggy was, with her perfect hair, sexy British accent, always perfect makeup, and a very fertile womb. How much sex did they have if she got pregnant that early?

God, you hated everything. How were you going to move on from this?

It turns out, the solution was a distraction. You were focusing a lot on all the things that went down with Tony and Steve. The only way to deal with this was by deflecting your focus.

So, you got your shit together. It took a few months, but you got back your job, moved out of your sister’s basement and found a small one-bedroom apartment, and bought a cute little comfy bed for Alpine. She loved it so much that she barely slept in it and always ended up in your bed while you were sleeping.

Things were finally getting back on track. You were trying to move on, you weren't actively seeking dates, but you weren't close to the idea of dating anymore either. 

Just when things were sort of getting better, you received a letter in the mail, inviting you to a baby shower. That man has some nerves, rubbing this in your face is a low blow. You wanted to tear that stupid envelope and stick it in the trash, but the non-psychotic part of your brain thought it would be better to not react childishly. 

The only way you can truly move on is by getting your revenge. And what better way to get your revenge than by shoving your amazing life in his face, just like he did?

The intelligent part of your brain told you to be the bigger person and ignore this, but that was no fun. You were a woman on a mission, and you wouldn't stop until you have quenched your thirst for revenge.

***

Just like that, you were on a flight and on your way to your ex’s wife’s baby shower. Yeah, you should have thought this through, but it was too late now.

You thought you had it planned out, you will reach his hometown on Friday, do some sightseeing and then show him what he's missing on Sunday during his wife’s baby shower. Yes, it wasn't a great plan, but it was a plan nonetheless. 

“Hi, I think you're in my seat,” A voice boomed from beside you, breaking your train of thoughts.

You furrowed your brows in annoyance and faced the man who had his phone almost in your face to show you his seat number. He was a good-looking man, with his deep steel blue eyes and pink lips, and you might not have been rude if you weren't hating yourself in your head at the moment.

“No, I'm not,” you replied rudely and exhaled before backtracking. “I’m sorry. I didn't mean that.”

You sighed in defeat and checked the ticket on your phone, only to realize he was right. Your seat was 18b and you were sitting at 18a. You quickly shifted towards your seat and awkwardly gave him a tight-lipped smile.

Both of you sat in silence for 10 minutes until you realized that you were at fault and should probably apologize for misbehaving. You hated entitled, rude people in public places, and you weren't planning on becoming one anytime soon. “I’m sorry. I've had a day,” you exhaled tiredly. “A few months, to be honest.”

He chuckled dejectedly and said, “Yeah, tell me about it. Did I tell you I convinced my friend to leave his ex only for them to get back together and now I'm going to meet them?”

 “I’m James by the way,” he introduced, stretching a hand towards you even though you were sitting beside one another and economic flights barely provided space, but that's all you could afford at a short notice. You told him your name, and it sounded familiar in Bucky’s mind, but surely Steve’s ex wouldn't come to Peggy’s baby shower. No sane woman would.

“Did I tell you I'm going to meet my ex after 8 months for the first time?” you challenged. You were sure you had it worse than anyone.

“Did I tell you that I don’t do relationships and my ex ‘not girlfriend’ is also going to be there? She would either kill me or kiss me, and somehow the latter is worse.”

“Did I tell you that it's my ex’s wife’s baby shower and I dated him while they were divorced, only for him to cheat on me with her?” you raised a finger dramatically, pretending to remember something. “Oh, and also, I was their divorce attorney.”

 “Holy shit!” he gasped, clearly realizing that you had it worse. You felt pride because you won, but it was nothing to be proud of. Were you seriously proud of the fact that you had a shittier life than this hot stranger? 

“I know you,” he realized, and you arched a brow in bewilderment. 

“You're Steve’s ex,” you both winced at the reminder and he quickly spoke again. “I’m James - Bucky.”

"Oh," you were embarrassed. You expected him to be this handsome man that you met on a flight and would part your ways once you land. But now that you realized that he was Steve's best friend and your destination was the same, it swiftly became weird. He felt the tension in your voice and added, “Steve's a dick, you know. Peggy always had this control over him. Whatever happened wasn't your fault.”

“Yeah, tell that to my dating history,” you joked, but your voice was devoid of humor. You seriously believed that, and Bucky couldn't let you do that to yourself. He barely knew you, but one thing he knew for sure was that you deserved better. “I can't even make a man stay.”

“I would like to apologize on behalf of the male species. You didn't deserve that.”

That brought tears to your eyes, some part of you knew it wasn't your fault, but your past relationships made you insecure and that was enough for you to doubt yourself. That had to be the only reason why you would tell your unsaid secrets to this stranger, who also happened to be your ex's best friend. “We were happy. I know I was and I don't know… You know Steve well, was it something I said or did? What did I do wrong?”

Bucky wasn't the comforter type, he was more like one night and done kind of guy, but the way your voice broke, and your eyes welled up, he knew he had to save you from yourself and your mind. Again, he didn't know you, but he wanted to punch his best friend in the face for hurting you, for making you doubt yourself because anyone in their right mind could see how beautiful you were. It didn’t even take him a second to realize that you were meant to be cherished, not cheated on. 

He gently placed his hand on yours, squeezing lightly, trying to ground you. “Nothing,” He pressed, “You did nothing wrong. Steve was the one who messed up and he is gonna realize that.”

He looked at the vibrating phone on his lap with Steve's face on it. How the hell was he getting reception on a flight? A quick glance outside the window made him realize that the plane had landed, and you were the last two passengers remaining. He cut off Steve's phone and instinctively took your hand in his. This made butterflies erupt in your stomach, and he could feel the same in his, but he ignored it, rushing outside the vacant plane.

Once you reached the airport, he offered to have a coffee and you agreed. After getting your respective orders and taking a seat in front of the other, his phone rang again with Steve's face, and he declined it hurriedly before giving you his undivided attention. “I've only known you for a few hours, doll, and I can already tell you are fucking amazing. And it's his loss.”

You didn’t know what to say, you've heard people telling you this multiple times, so you just nodded. Bucky understood that this was a touchy topic, and he could not convince you, so he would have to prove it to you.

“What are you gonna do till Sunday?” he asked.

You were glad that he changed the topic and didn't push you. “I don't know, maybe some sightseeing.”

Bucky shifted uncomfortably in his seat, and you could tell he wanted to say something, but he wanted to avoid offending you. You smiled gently at him, telling him to go for it. “It's not my business, but why would you wanna come to Peggy’s baby shower?”

You laughed because you were literally asking yourself the same question the moment you stepped on the plane. “I thought it was a good idea to shove my perfect life in his face the way he did, but clearly, I'm a mess. Honestly, I'm thinking of going back.”

“No!” Bucky articulated too quickly and eagerly. He cleared his throat before adding, “I mean, it's not a bad idea. He needs to know what he's missing.”

“Peggy is gorgeous, he's clearly not missing anything.” 

“Have you seen yourself?” he asked, “Trust me, he is missing a lot.”

You looked at your lap, avoiding his gaze to hide the flush in your eyes, and a smile made its way to Bucky’s lips. “Okay, so today is Friday. You come with me to the weekly Friday fair. Peggy and Steve go to couple’s therapy on Saturday-”

You looked at him with wide eyes and mumbled, “I didn't know that.”

“Yeah, me neither,” he stated, feigning offense. “I’m a marriage counselor and he goes to a stranger instead of me. Saturday is a surprise so keep yourself free and on Sunday you can show off your amazing life to him.”

“Bucky, I don't think it's a good idea,” you said, and he raised his hand, stopping you before you started doubting yourself again. You gave him your number before leaving for the hotel.

***

You didn’t think Bucky Barnes would call you. Why would he? You were his best friend's ex-girlfriend, he was just being nice to you, but when your phone pinged with a text from him, telling you to get ready for the fair by seven; you couldn't believe it. This man was going out of his way to make sure you have a good weekend. Surely, he must be breaking many bro codes by doing so.

So, you got dressed and went to the fair with him. He told you in the cab that he used to go to this monthly fair every month with his friends.

“Bucky, I could have gone by myself,” you tried.

He looked at you sincerely, “The thing is you don't have to.”

You just smiled at him and decided if he's going out of his way to make sure about you, the least you could do is have fun with him.

 And that you did. With a cotton candy in your hand, you tried every game stall there. You couldn't win anything because let's be honest, those games are a scam. Nobody has a good aim, and you would never get that fluffy stuffed animal that reminded you of Alpine. God, Alpine would have loved that toy. When you told Bucky about your cat and showed him her picture that was your lock screen, he made it his mission to win that toy. You told him it wasn't necessary and he just said, “It's not for you, doll. It's for my best girl, Alpine.” 

After almost a couple of tries and a few dollars, he finally won that stuffed cat. You excitedly hugged him, and he snaked his arms around your waist.

You weren't a massive fan of rides in general, so you decided to go to the Ferris wheel, which was going great until you realized Bucky was holding Pine very tightly (yes, you both named the stuffed toy).

“Bucky, are you scared of heights?” you teased.

“No,” he lied. You chuckled before stretching out your hand, palms up towards him. Without hesitation, he took your hand, lacing your fingers with his tightly.

You were glad you came out with Bucky instead of self-loathing and eating room service in the hotel room. Bucky insisted on dropping you, and you kissed his cheek before leaving for your room. You were about to fall asleep when your phone vibrated on the side table.

Bucky - I already miss my second-best girl.

You - Who is the first?

Bucky - Alpine, obviously.

***

Around 4 pm, your phone rang, a call from Bucky, asking you to get ready by five. He told you it was a surprise, so you didn't ask any questions. You made a stop at a grocery store and when he brought a dozen eggs, you just assumed that he was running an errand in between. He stopped his car once you were outside a house and you were perplexed.

“What are we doing here?” you questioned.

He pointed towards a car in the driveway and asked, “You see that car over there?” You nodded and he continued, “That's Steve’s new car. He and Peggy are in couples therapy at the moment and we are gonna-”

“No, we are not,” you cut him off, your eyes wide in disbelief. “Bucky, we are not doing that.”

“Why not?” 

“Because it's wrong!” you exclaimed as if it was the most obvious thing. To you, it was, but to Bucky, the most wrong thing ever was to hurt the pretty girl standing beside him. He didn't care if it was his best pal’s car, all he cared about was you.

“No, it's not,” he took your wrist in his hand and handed you an egg in your palm. “Trust me, doll. You'll feel a lot better.”

You took a ragged breath before lightly throwing the egg, it barely hit the car. “I can’t.” 

“Yes, you can,” Bucky encouraged and handed you another egg. “Think about the moment you found out about his infidelity. Channel that rage, doll.”

You closed your eyes and thought about Steve, about how he told you he loved you while he was sleeping with his ex-wife. You thought about how he gaslighted you into thinking that you're overreacting when your reaction was justified. Not only that, but you thought about that Instagram post where Steve’s arms were wrapped around Peggy’s belly and you threw the egg with all that anger.

It hit the car and God, it felt good, too good. The alarm system started blaring, but you ignored it and threw another.

“Fuck you for making me feel like shit!” you yelled while throwing another egg.

Another egg. “I didn't deserve that shit!”

Another egg. “I hope you get divorced again!”

Another egg. “ And that divorce attorney would not give you a discount!”

Bucky took an egg from you and threw it. “Fuck you for not hiring me as your marriage counselor!” 

Once you were out of eggs, you exhaled peacefully and turned towards Bucky. “Fuck, that felt good. Thank you!”

Without another thought, you threw your around Bucky’s neck and he snaked his around your waist, lifting you a little and gently kissing your hairline.

You couldn't stop laughing. You haven't felt this relieved and happy in months. 

You decided to have dinner from a food truck in Bucky’s car and got yourself hot dogs and strawberry milkshakes. “Bucky, that was amazing.”

He raised his hand towards your lips and rubbed his thumb at the corner of your mouth, getting off the sauce you got on your face. “You are amazing,” he murmured.

***

After two blissful days, it was Sunday, the main day. A huge part of you was scared and wanted to go back home, but you weren't alone, you had Bucky, and he had promised that he would not leave your side. 

So, when you entered Steve’s house with Bucky’s hand in yours, you froze. Bucky sensed your discomfort and squeezed your hand lightly, bringing you back to reality. He leaned down towards your ear and whispered, “Hey, I got you. You're okay, trust me.”

That you could do easily, even though you knew Bucky for two days, you could still trust him. 

The moment Steve’s eyes landed on you, he was shocked, he wasn't expecting you here either. Shit, this was a bad idea, a horrible idea.

“Bucky, I don't think I can,” you tried.

He wrapped a hand around your waist and rubbed his palm soothingly on your spine. “I know you can.”

Peggy spotted you too and took Steve’s hand before making her way towards you. Peggy widened her arms to hug Bucky, but he stretched his spare hand that wasn't holding you, towards her in a handshake. You could see Peggy and Steve frowning at his gesture, and Bucky smirked before looking at you, nodding his head in assurance.

“Steve,” you said before handing him the gift you bought for him with Bucky on the way. It was the wine he hated. “Congratulations!”

You imagined your voice would waver, but you realized that you didn't feel anything — well, not for him anyway. And just like that, it hit you, you were over Steve. It stung seeing him happy, but you didn't hate him or Peggy anymore.

You didn’t realize you were smiling until Bucky took your hand in his and led you towards the bathroom. “ Okay, why are you smiling like that? Did something happen? We can go back if you want to.”

You took your hand out of Bucky’s grasp and cupped his cheeks. “Bucky,” you sighed happily, “I don’t feel anything.”

He raised his eyebrows in confusion, and you continued, “I thought I’ll feel sad, or I will shout at him, but I… I am not sad or even happy. I just don't care about him anymore.” 

“And that's a good thing?” he queried, trying to decipher your emotions.

“Yes! God, yes!” you beamed, bringing his face near yours and gently kissing his lips. “I’m sorry… I-”

Before you could finish, Bucky encased his hands around your waist, kissing you with passion and tightly flushing your body against his. Your hands made their way into his hair, tugging the hair at the tip of his neck, and he groaned before deepening the kiss.

A knock brought you back to reality, breaking your dream, and you maintained some distance between each other.

Begrudgingly, Bucky opened the door, taking your hand in his so that he could continue kissing you somewhere private. 

Steve was the one who knocked, and he did not look pleased. He eyed both of you, taking in your disheveled hair and swollen lips, misinterpreting the situation. You did not correct him because all you could think about was Bucky and how good his hands felt around you.

“Can I talk to you for a moment?” Steve asked, looking at you and added, “Alone.”

Bucky protectively squeezed your hand. You smiled and nodded at him and reluctantly, he let you go.

“So, Bucky,” Steve said, “He was a bit of a womanizer the last time I saw him. You could ask Dot over there,” he pointed towards a woman who was indeed throwing daggers at you with her gaze. “Told her that he doesn't commit.”

“Don't you think that's better than to jump into a relationship and cheat?”

You looked around the room, searching for Bucky. You found him looking at you with a smile, and he winked at you.

Steve caught your gaze and questioned, “Is he treating you right?”

“Is he treating me right?” you scoffed, “You cheated on me, you don't get to ask me that.” 

“Baby, I am so sorry,” Steve apologized, raising his hand to hold yours. Instantly, you took a step away from him. 

“Baby? What the fuck, Steve?” you stated, fuming with anger now. “You have a fucking wife.”

“I messed up, but I am not happy with Peggy and I would like to have you back-”

You cut him off. “I am not some toy that you can throw once you get bored and then pick it up.” 

“I know I fucked up but I love you and I know you love me too,” he pleaded.

“No, I don’t,” you asserted, looking him in the eye to let him know you weren’t lying.

You didn’t love Steve, not anymore. You had another chance at love with someone who was kind, honest, and funny and you couldn't let that go. 

You didn’t need to shove your faux happiness in Steve’s face because you were genuinely happy. Anyone with eyes could see you happy, beaming at Bucky with adoration in your eyes that was reciprocated.

So, ignoring Steve’s words, you strode towards the man who made you weak in the knees and looked up at him before saying, “Let's get out of here.”

You did not have to tell Bucky twice, and before you could blink you found yourself naked in your hotel room with Bucky. Bodies pressed together, moaning his name and digging your nails in his back, while he held your hips tightly, thrusting in and out of you at a pace that made you reach your climax earlier than expected. You rode towards the euphoria together and came down from the pleasure together too, panting breathlessly.

You settled your head on Bucky’s chest, legs tangled together, and his arms wrapped around you, igniting you with warmth.

 "Alpine is gonna get mad that I took her man," you whispered. 

Bucky chuckled, placing a kiss on top of your head before saying, “Alpine is not my best girl, doll. You are.”

⁓

TAGS - @ladydmalfoy​ @niffala​  @priii​

[jaeheewillalwaysbemyfav]

Obey Me: The Brothers Accidentally Trigger an Abused MC (Beelzebub) (6/7)

Disclaimer: I’m not an expert on abuse or mental health. I’m not portraying how one should respond to these situations, only how I think the characters might. Abuse and trauma in particular are very complex topics, and people respond in all sorts of ways to them, and sometimes it gets really bad on all sides.

I can only draw from my personal experiences as well as those of people who have shared their stories or who I’m close with. There’s no one narrative of abuse and how it affects someone, so what I’m familiar with might not be what you’re familiar with. Let’s try and all be respectful of each other.

Content Warnings: Heated arguments, reference to past abuse, parental abuse, trauma response, breaking down in tears, this is quintessential hurt/comfort y’all, buckle up

Kinda cheating for the twins unfortunately! (In the sense that I’m gonna rely heavily on canon events) In Beel’s case it’s because we’ve only ever seen him lose his cool about either food or family, and for Belphie, well… you’ll see.

Gaaaah tumblr’s stupid new thing where if you resize the tab it wipes your post and switches between mobile and desktop versions made this SUCH a bitch to edit, but here it is! Once again, thank you all so much for your patience! I’ve learned not to make promises about when the next part will come out, but we’re almost done! It’s just Belphie left, then I get to the other requests!

To clarify, the initial dialogue in this scene is not mine, but comes from Lesson 4 of the game and is based on events from Lessons 4 and 5. 

Lucifer (X) Mammon (X), Leviathan (X), Satan (X), Asmodeus (X), Beelzebub (you are here), Belphegor (X)

“Now what do we have here?” Mammon soliloquises. “Looks like a custard.” 

MC has absolutely no idea what possessed them into letting him drag them to the kitchen. 

“Mammon, are you sure we should-”

“Here, eat this,” he cuts MC off, handing them a cup of custard. “I need an accomplice. I don’t wanna be the only one in trouble.”

“In trouble?!” They look down at the custard lid. A note is firmly taped to it.

Property of Beelzebub. You eat it, you die.

They gulp. They really shouldn’t be touching this, what if…

“You’ve gotta be seriously brave to eat this custard here.” Mammon snatches the dessert back and waves it around. “If you can do that, I’ll admit that you’ve got guts.” 

I won’t have any guts if Beelzebub finds out, MC thinks. They know the consequences for stealing food. I don’t care if you haven’t eaten all day, you DO NOT touch that fridge, understand?

“So you’re gonna do it, right? What am I sayin’? Do it. That’s an order.”

Then again, they don’t know what Mammon’s capable of either.

Go on, do it. You want to waste food so bad? Go in the trash and fish it out like the animal you are!

“...Okay, I’ll eat it...” 

“There we go.” Mammon’s grin is wolfish as he holds out a spoon for them.

It tastes… oh wow. It’s very good custard. They almost want to go back for another-

“You did it!” Mammon shouts, and MC flinches so hard they nearly drop the container. “You totally ate Beel’s custard! I saw ya!”

Now you’ve done it, MC! You know how mad our parents are gonna be when they get back!

I… I had to… I didn’t want to… But it had been days...

“Shhh-!”

“Great, now I’ve got an accomplice. If you ate his stuff too, that means we’re in this boat together!” He returns his attention to the fridge. “So, my turn. Let’s see if I can find anything else good in here. I’ve got a feeling there’s probably something nice hiding back here in this corner-”

A shadow looms over the pair. MC’s blood goes cold. They’ve been caught again.

“D’AH! Beel!” Mammon squeaks. “Wh-What’s the big idea sneakin’ up on me like that? How long have you been there…?”

“Did you eat my custard?” Oh no no no no no. “Did you actually eat my CUSTARD?! Answer me, Mammon!”

Who ate it? Well? Answer me! Or none of you are eating tonight.

“N-Now wait a second, Beel! Lemme explain! There’s a good reason for-”

“You did, didn’t you…?”

Pink flames envelop the Avatar of Gluttony as part of his human illusion falls away. An intimidating pair of sharp horns curl around his head and massive fly’s wings buzz angrily on his back. 

“You… ate… my… CUSTARD!”

“Uh-oh!”

As Mammon attempts to escape Beelzebub’s wrath, all MC can do is remain perfectly still, the custard container clutched tightly to their chest. They’ve. Been. Caught.

It’s ridiculous. A small, hysterical part of MC laughs at the absurdity of being caught between two of the most powerful demons in Hell, squabbling over custard and chasing each other around the kitchen. A choked noise escapes them instead. The custard turns sickeningly sweet in their mouth.

The paralysis is broken when Mammon goes sailing through the kitchen wall. Is that-?

A hole in their wall, just above their head. Screaming voices, crying, begging, accusing. They’ve been caught, and now they will be punished.

Footsteps approach MC, and a figure stands towering over them, so much taller, he wouldn’t even have to lay a hand on them for them to be scared, but he will, he will, he’ll hit them again, again and again and again and-

“MC-”

“PLEASE DON’T HIT ME!” They hold up the custard towards Beelzebub, their limbs confused between the desire to return the offending dessert and protect their face. 

The Avatar of Gluttony is almost offended by the outburst, until he hears Mammon groan and attempt to get up, shifting some of the rubble before collapsing once again. Okay, maybe he doesn’t have room to be offended right now. 

He plucks the container from MC’s vice-like grip, the difference in strength between the two so great that he doesn’t feel their resistance. Oh, it’s almost completely untouched. Maybe he overreacted… Then again, it is Mammon. 

...It’s MC’s room that connects to that wall, isn’t it?

Beelzebub opens his mouth to apologize to MC about their wall, to assure them that they’ll figure out a place for them to sleep until it’s repaired, but they’re already gone, sprinting off further into the House of Lamentation.

Did he scare them that bad…?

~

After the three hours of lecturing that ensued, MC isn’t sure if notifying Lucifer was, in fact, the best idea. While Mammon and Beelzebub had seemed bored, annoyed even, they were barely able to stay on their feet by the end of it. Perhaps they’re still exhausted from their sprint to Lucifer’s study, as well as… other factors.

Lucifer calls their name sternly, as though he has done so several times already. They start and straighten up, but can’t bring themself to quite meet the demon’s eyes.

“I asked you a question.” 

“Oh…” they say. “...Sorry...I didn’t-”

“Are you sure you’re comfortable staying in Beelzebub’s room?” They don’t reply, and something in Lucifer’s expression softens. “You were quite distressed when you came to me. If my brothers have done something to upset you, I need to know. Your wellbeing is a crucial part of the exchange program.”

MC laughs humorlessly. “You mean other than destroying my room, I’m guessing.”

The Avatar of Pride falters almost imperceptibly, disguising his surprise with a cough. “Yes, other than… the collateral damage.”

“...Yeah,” they eventually say. “Uh, yes, I’ll stay with Beel until my room is fixed. It’s fine.”

“Wonderful. You’re free to go.” He promptly leaves, muttering about calling the construction worker so soon after the last time. 

While MC has a feeling that Beel would be completely fine not addressing the Custard Incident so long as they don’t treat him any differently, they feel the need to explain themself for both their sakes. They tell Beelzebub about their upbringing, about how controlling their parents were when it came to food, and how they’d have to sneak meals more often than not. The punishments they faced when caught doing this.

Beel is horrified and feels incredibly guilty upon finding out what he inadvertently forced MC to relive. He once again assures them that he knew it was Mammon who talked them into eating his custard and that he doesn’t really hold it against them. In fact, from then on, the Avatar of Gluttony invites them on his frequent “snack runs” (which, for Beel, consist of an amount of food MC would normally call a family meal) and personally makes sure they’re eating enough regularly. 

One day, MC comes back from a long afternoon studying at RAD and nearly panics all over again at the sight of the kitchen. Saucepans, bowls, half-empty containers, and all sorts of utensils litter the room, not to mention a healthy coating of sweet-smelling fluids. At the centre of this mess is none other than Beel, who smiles and waves upon noticing them, sending more flecks of custard to the floor.

He hands them a container of custard, complete with a lining of various fruits around the edges. On its lid is a note: Property of MC. 

It’s very good custard.

“...I…” They can’t. Not if that will happen again. They shake their head, the tears threatening to return.

Lucifer holds back a sigh and nods. “Very well. We’ll find other accommodations until your room is repaired. Perhaps Mammon will get his wish after all…”

Beel doesn’t understand why the human is avoiding him. At first he thought they were still mad about the whole going-on-a-rampage-and-destroying-their-room thing, but they’ve since forgiven Mammon for causing that, so that can’t be it. He keeps returning to the thought that it was something about him, that he scared them so bad they don’t feel safe being around him. Did they think he would try and eat them?

That’s not entirely unfair, he thinks. Especially considering they’re a human in a house with a bunch of demons.

But they aren’t scared around anyone else. Not Satan’s propensity for fatal grudges, not Mammon’s recklessness, not Lucifer’s intimidating presence, not Asmo or Levi’s volatile mood swings… It was just him.

Because he’s just a useless glutton.

[saffron-nova21]

Safe and Healthy (S.K.)

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Warnings: Another 'moment' that's interrupted too quickly,

Watching the way you interact with Bokuto places a question in the dark-haired male's head: what was so special about you that had all of these grown men, falling over themselves for your attention? Hell, he doesn't think he's ever seen either Iwaizumi or Ushijima look at someone, with any romantic interest, before.

It was truly a sight to see. Though, with his astonishment also comes curiosity. He finds himself wanting to see what is so amazing about you that had not only Suna but also Miya, who to his knowledge, hadn't dated you, utterly whipped.

Dark eyes trail after Bokuto as he leaves you before they fall to Miya, who has already turned his attention towards Sakusa. There was something almost like a challenge in the faux blonde's eyes. Something that spurred Sakusa to take a few steps towards you.

"You may need this, you never know when the last time anyone here has washed their hands was." Cringing at the thoughts his own statement brought, Sakusa holds out his small, portable hand-sanitizer dispenser out for you. Though, he quickly finds himself souring at the thought of you touching the bottle, something he'd spent hours trying to deem 'clean.'

Watching you turn to face him, he has to resist cringing as you reach out. That is until he notices your hand outstretched, with your palm up so that he could distribute the disinfectant into your hands, rather than you going for the bottle. "You have a point," he doesn't expect you to say that. "Not to mention, I'm sure Iwaizumi has people clean the gym, but I don't even want to think about the sweat and germs on the equipment."

Color him impressed.

Pushing down on the pump of the small bottle, he allows a few drops to fall into your hand. Most would have deemed the small pool in your palm too much, though you don't complain, proceeding to rub your hands together until the liquid is gone.

"I have some lotion in my bag if you'd like some. I know that washing your hands and putting on hand sanitizer probably dries them out, a lot." His watching you warily for a moment doesn't seem to deter you, though. You just shrug, "Though don't hesitate to say no, Kiyoomi. You won't hurt my feelings. You've always been wary of germs. I understand."

For a moment, Sakusa squares his shoulders and looks you up and down. Did you remember that from all of the games that you both played in high school, or was it the fact he carried a whole bottle of hand sanitizer, gloves tucked into his pockets, and he had yet to take off his mask, despite probably being extremely hot? He can't quite figure it out.

He also can't quite figure out why he says yes.

He doesn't realize the words, "I'll take some," come out of his mouth, until you are guiding him over to your bag.

Sakusa watches you pull your bottle out from your small drawstring bag, trying to focus on anything but you. Do you really rep your roommate's merch, everywhere you go? Your bag, your crewneck, you'd even started talking about him within five minutes of arriving.

A brief thought crosses his mind: What will it take to get you to wear his jersey at the Olympics? Though, as soon as the thought comes, he shoots it down. Because in the case of that happening, he would have to wash it repeatedly and worry about what you'd done in it. The fact that the thought had even crossed his mind in the first place, though, has him absolutely reeling.

Did he have a fleeting crush on you in high school? Of course, how could he not have? You were everything.

No matter the fact that you were on the opposing team, all you were was kind to him. Especially when it came to public situations. He remembers all of the times you'd help him escape from a crowd, knowing he hated him. He remembers watching you fall to Suna's side, grasping for his hand as the two of you walked to the court, wondering if you'd have been okay with holding his hands, even though they were gloved. He remembers what a formidable match you were, whether you were paired with your boyfriend, or someone else. Though he also remembers watching you walk away from every game, win or loss, impassive, like the game itself didn't matter to you.

He remembers the day he'd asked you if you actually enjoyed playing volleyball.

He remembers your response to him, as well. "I enjoy... The adoration and acceptance that comes from my success."

So yes, maybe he had a fleeting crush on you in high school. But that's all it was. A fleeting crush.

Nonetheless, as he watches you gingerly squeeze some sweet-smelling lotion into his palm, he finds himself opening his mouth to ask you a question, similar to the one he asked years ago. "Do you... Enjoy what you do, now?"

A light laugh escapes you as you squeeze some lotion into your own hand, placing the lotion away, before beginning to rub it in. "Still worried about me, are you, Kiyoomi?"

A snort escapes him in response. "No, more still stunned that you played for years, all for acceptance from the two half-wits over there, when you could have been doing something that you enjoyed, with people who accepted you, with or without a career in volleyball." He can smell the lotion through his mask, though he finds that he doesn't really mind. It smells just like you.

"Are you trying to say that you would have been that person for me, Kiyoomi?" You don't invade his personal space, but suddenly Kiyoomi finds himself uncomfortable. Even if it was a situation he had put himself in.

"I should get back to work," Sakusa states, now avoiding your eyes. "I will talk to you more later." His words are curt, leaving no room for question. Though you just smile - one that he warily regards as being filled with mischief, as he turns away from you to walk away.

As he walks away from you, though, Sakusa feels that uncomfortable feeling arise again. Thinking more about it, he can't help but notice that it doesn't feel quite like discomfort... No, it is more of an... Is he embarrassed?

No, that isn't it. It can't be. You're just someone helping them grow as a team. And it will remain like that, as far as he's concerned.

Sakusa hadn't ever had a crush on anyone until you and Atsumu came along. Along with his on-and-off crush for your former best friend, you were one of the first people he had feelings for.

You and Suna were in sync when you used to play together. You two practiced hard and perfected being decoys for one another. It tripped up the other team at least 90% of the time.

You got good at volleyball and playing at multiple positions, mainly because as a child you always wanted your grandmother to brag about you the way that she bragged about Shinsuke. You thought being good at volleyball would do that, but it didn't, it just made you miserable for years.

... So it's been a while... Does saying 'I hope you guys weren't worried about me' sound conceited? I feel like it does, but still, I hope you guys have been doing well. I kind of dropped off the face of the earth for a while. I'm sorry. But, nonetheless, I'm hoping I'll get to start posting more regularly again soon.

In any case, you guys better be taking care of yourselves! That means eating, drinking some water, and sleeping at least five hours. I'm rooting for you, okay? You deserve to be healthy and happy and I am very proud of you. Have a good day! Or night!

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[pan-fangirl-345]

You Have A Visitor!

Summary: Denki needs a boost. Luckily, there’s a visitors day coming up and you, being the loving girlfriend that you are, decide this is a good time to catch up with your boyfriend.

Trigger Warnings: Swearing, because Bakugou, some suggestive thought, and the reader had divorced parents and an alcoholic father, not to mention some low self-esteem. If there’s anything I missed, please tell me!

A/N: I have no idea what the hell made me write this but whatever, I have nothing else better to be doing like the chorus assignment that was due a week ago, and the outline for a paper, and then the actual paper. Oops.

Also, I realized quite belatedly, that I never told you guys that (Y/N) means your full name, both first and last. Sorry about that!

“Hey baby girl,” Denki said, sounding tired.

“Hey, are you okay?” you inquired, flopping onto your bed.

“Yeah, I just got my grades back and I can’t say they’re great. I even studied this time!”

“I’m sure they’re fine, Denki,” you assured him, wishing you could wrap your arms around him.

“I’ve missed you,” he admitted. “It’s been so hard being away from you for this long. And I don’t mean to be clingy, but I could really use a hug from you.”

You could hear it in his voice, he was having a bad day. He was normally very peppy and chipper, but there were days when he just couldn’t muster the energy for it.

“I know Sparky,” you said. “I miss you too. Where’s Kirishima? Can’t he give you a hug?”

“Nah, he’s in the gym with the steel guy from Class B.”

“I was almost 100% sure you were going to say he was with the explosion guy, Bakugou,” you said smiling.

“Can . . . can I FaceTime you?” he inquired softly.

“Of course Denks, I’m honestly a little surprised it took you this long to ask me,” you teased, trying to bring a smile to his face.

“Well, I know how you feel about being on camera.”

“Yeah, but it’s different when I’m talking to you,” you told him.

When he called you again, you answered, smiling at him.

“Hey Denki,” you said.

He looked tired, there were bags under his eyes, and he was flopped against his bed, body riddled with tension.

“Hey love,” he said, giving you a tired smile. “It’s so good to see your adorable face.”

“Right back at you Sparky,” you retorted, smiling at him. “I really wish I was there with you. Maybe I could help.”

“This is helping,” he told you. “Just being able to talk to you.”

“Bad day?”

He nodded, sighing. “I’m sore, I’m tired, I feel like an idiot, and I miss you on top of everything else.”

“I’m sorry, I wish I could see you. When’s the next visitors’ day?” you inquired, moving to look at your calendar.

“Like, two weeks from now, on Saturday. Why?”

“I’m gonna come visit you silly,” you teased, smiling at him. “I have to work that Saturday, but it’s only until noon. I’ll come see you after that, yeah?”

“Seriously? You’re gonna come see me?” he asked, sitting up. Little lines of electricity started to run up his body and you laughed.

“Yeah, course I am Sparky,” you said.

“I can’t wait to see you! And introduce you to my friends! And-”

The lights flickered in his room for a few moments before they turned back on.

“Kaminari!” someone shouted in the distance and he flushed.

“Sorry!” he shouted, making you laugh.

“Did you just short circuit the lights in your dorms?” you questioned.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” he said, cheeks bright red.

“It’s okay, it let’s me know that you really are excited to see me,” you told him. “I know that there are a lot of other girls there that are probably prettier than I am.”

“Angel, listen to me,” Denki demanded, making you pause. It was very rare that he ever sounded that serious. “You are beautiful, inside and out, and I would rather spend an hour with you than a hundred years with them, understand?”

“You’re such a sap,” you muttered, suddenly remembering why you loved him so much. “I love you Denks.”

“I love you too, (Y/F/N), don’t ever forget that,” he said, face as serious as you had ever seen it.

“I won’t. Don’t forget that I love you either, alright?”

“I think I can handle that,” he said, flashing you that one million watt smile that you loved to see.

“Good,” you retorted, smiling back at him.

Someone shouted in the background again and Denki sighed.

“I have to go, it’s time for dinner, but I’ll call you again tomorrow night, okay?”

“Okay, I love you Denki Kaminari,” you told him.

“I love you too (Y/N).”

You smiled at him again before you hung up, sighing.

You missed Denki, you really did. It was hard sometimes, dating Denki long distance, even if he was still in the country. He was only about fifteen minutes away, but the security was so tight that it was hard for you to go see him, especially since you worked part time at the local library.

You were proud of him, and you wouldn’t trade him for all the money in the world, but you missed him.

Him and his dumb pickup lines, him and those dumb cat memes he used to send you, him and those awesome hugs whenever you had a bad day.

You had hated Denki when you had first met in middle school. You thought he was immature, way too loud, and you hated how little he paid attention in class.

But then you got paired up for a project and you learned that sometimes Denki didn’t realize he was being loud, or that his quirk was making things go haywire.

Denki had a lot of friends, he made them wherever he went, he was like that, but a lot of the time they were fake. 

You had learned how to help him remember things from class, you were there when he started to get a little too loud, and you were there when he was rejected for the first time.

You remembered tapping his arm whenever his noise level was becoming too much, or kicking him when he was unintentionally making someone uncomfortable, stepping in when someone tried to get him to do something that would get him in trouble.

He had asked you out through your third year of middle school. At first you had thought it was a prank, a dare maybe, but he had been adamant that he really wanted to be with you.

It had been weird at first, neither of you really knowing how this changed things, until you realized that nothing had to change. You could still do what you normally did together, but there was more hand holding and cheesy compliments involved.

He had gotten accepted into U.A., and you had been happy for him, but you would be going to different high schools, and when everything had started to get more dangerous there, you had panicked about Denki. You didn’t get to see him as often, and he had even tried to break up with you, worried about your safety.

But you had worked it out, you had talked about it, you called each other regularly and you sent each other small gifts every now and then when missing each other became almost unbearable.

There were small amounts of time when you worried more than usual, when they had training camps and weren’t allowed to have their phones, or when they had exams and you weren’t there to make sure that he was eating and getting enough sleep, but other than that, your relationship with him was relatively easy, everything considered.

The next two weeks were slow, but talking with Denki ever night made it better than you would’ve thought.

He assured you that his new friends would love you, though you were suspicious about Bakugou, that he wanted you to meet Eri, that everything was going to be fine, and that he couldn’t wait to hug you again.

“C’mon sweetheart, it’ll be fine! The only one you might have to worry about it Mineta, and I can promise that he won’t get anywhere near you,” Denki said, laughing.

“Why hasn’t the school kicked him out yet?” you inquired, nose wrinkled.

“That’s a good question,” Denki admitted. “I guess he just hasn’t done it in front of the teachers enough.”

“I would’ve killed him by now, I feel so bad for the girls that have to deal with him,” you said, shuddering.

“I know you would’ve,” he said, smiling. “But seriously, how was your day?”

“The same as usual, except there was this really cute little girl in the library today who tried climbing the shelves to get to a book she wanted. She was so cute! She got really high up though and I was terrified that she was going to hurt herself.”

He listened to you talk about your day, smiling as you talked.

“I’m really excited to see you tomorrow,” he said when you were done.

“I know, I’m excited too. I can’t wait to see you.”

‘I’ve missed you,” he said, getting a sad look on his face.

“Hey, no sadness remember?” you told him. You wanted so badly to reach out to him, to hold him, to run your hands through his hair while he held you. “I’ve missed you too, but we’re gonna see each other tomorrow. And I promise that I’ll give you as many cuddles as you want.”

“If that’s the case you wouldn’t be leaving the couch,” he said, smiling at you. “If you thought I was clingy before it’s only going to be worse tomorrow.”

“Trust me, if you weren’t clingy, I would be,” you assured him, making him laugh.

“You do realize that no one is going to understand how we’re in a relationship right?”

“Fuck ‘em,” you said. “It’s not really any of their business anyway. It’s a healthy relationship.”

“That’s my girl,” Denki said, smirking.

“You’re gonna be a smug bastard tomorrow aren’t you?” you inquired, making him cackle.

“You had no idea. Most of the squad doesn’t think you exist,” he said. “And when I say that, I mean that only Mina believes me because she walked in on my talking to you one night.”

“We’ll change their opinions tomorrow,” you promised, biting your lip. “I’m really excited to see you tomorrow Denki. It’s been too long.”

“I know! Don’t remind me,” he whined, making you chuckle.

“Do you want me to bring anything with me tomorrow?”

“Just your sparkling personality and enough hugs to hold me over until the time you can visit. And maybe some cupcakes or something, I’m craving sugar,” he muttered, the last part more to himself than to you.

Someone shouted in the background, and Denki sighed. “I have to go, but I love you, and I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”

“I love you Denki, sleep well,” you told him.

“You too,” he said, ending the call.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Denki couldn’t stop pacing as people streamed into the dorms, trying to find the people they were there to visit. It was only nine, and he was already anxious to see her again.

He kept checking for her (Y/H/C) hair among the sea of people, even though he knew she wouldn’t be there yet.

He had already told his classmates that she was coming to see him today, most of them playing it off as a ploy for attention and sympathy. Both of his parents were working today, so they weren’t coming to see him, and his little sister had had a sleepover the night before and was probably sleeping it off at home with their cat.

(Y/F/N) had texted him that morning and he had been glued to his phone ever since smiling whenever she sent him a funny picture or a reminder of how much she loved him.

Mina had been waiting for months to meet his girlfriend, and while the others didn’t believe she existed, he was going to be proud to show her off.

He wasn’t anxious about seeing her again, he was looking forward to that, but what if she didn’t like his friends? What if they didn’t like her? What if-?

“Denki!”

His head whipped up at the sound of her voice, and he zeroed in on her.

Was he hallucinating? He was hallucinating, right? There was no way she was there-

She ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck, nearly knocking him over.

He definitely wasn’t hallucinating.

“Denki,” she breathed, burying her face in his neck as she twisted her fingers into the back of his t-shirt.

“(Y/F/N), I thought you weren’t coming until noon,” he said, clinging to her.

“I haven’t seen you in like, three months, and that’s all you have to say to me?” she inquired, flashing him that smile that he loved so much as she pulled back a little, just enough to see his face.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, kissing her.

Yeah, he definitely wasn’t hallucinating.

It had been so long since he had touched her, it felt like he had stuck his hand in a fire. She was warm against him and they couldn’t stop smiling at each other between kisses.

“I missed you,” she whispered, burying her hands in his hair.

He slid one hand up her back, touching her face lovingly with the other as they stared at each other, (Y/E/C) eyes meeting amber.

“I missed you too, sweet pea,” he assured her, kissing her again.

“WHAT THE FUCK? FUCKING PIKACHU ACTUALLY HAS A GIRLFRIEND?”

“Shut up Blasty!” Mina hissed, swatting him with her hands.

(Y/F/N) pulled away, cheeks tinged pink as the Bakusquad stared at them.

“You must be Bakugou,” she said, smiling at him. “And, for the record, I’m not a girlfriend, I’m the girlfriend.”

“I told you guys she was real!” Mina shouted, making you laugh.

“It’s nice to meet you all, I’m (Y/N), I’m also Denki’s girlfriend.”

“Clearly,” Sero said, making her chuckle.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you!” Mina said, throwing her arms around (Y/F/N), catching her by surprise, though she hugged back after a moment.

“You must be Mina. It’s so nice to meet you too. I’ve hear so much about all of you.”

“Pikachu, you have some fucking explaining to do,” Bakugou snapped.

“Gladly,” he said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You know, I never would’ve thought you would have the patience to deal with someone like Kami, (Y/L/N),” Kirishima said.

“What can I say? Apparently I have a soft spot for dumbasses,” you said, making Denki protest.

“I can’t be that bad,” he muttered into your neck.

He hadn’t let go of you since you had arrived, there was an arm around your shoulders or your waist, a hand in yours or on your back, and now he had you seated in his lap, his arms around your waist as he fiddled with your fingers.

“How did you even get here this early? I thought you said you weren’t coming until noon.”

“I told my boss that I was going to see you today and he let me out early so that I could spend more time with you. I don’t know how you got him to like you so much, he hates everyone.”

“He doesn’t hate you,” Denki pointed out.

“Yes, but that’s because I actually do my job correctly and because I have more invested in that library than the founder does!” you told him.

“(Y/F/N) really likes to read,” Denki admitted. “It’s one of the reasons she’s so smart.”

“I’m an only child with parents who both had to work a lot before they divorced, I had to find ways to entertain myself when they weren’t home and when they were too busy screaming at each other to pay attention to me,” you muttered.

Denki’s arms tightened around you subconsciously.

He had met both of your parents, and hadn’t taken well to your father, who had a tendency to love alcohol more than he loved you. It had made you a lot harder on yourself than you had to be, and your father had hated Denki from the moment they had met.

He thought your mother was a saint though, and she was for putting up with your father for so long.

“Yikes, that sounds rough,” Sero said.

You shrugged. “When you grow up like I did, it makes you used to certain things. I got used to someone always putting me down. I got used to having to do a lot of things myself. I mean, it sucked, and there was a time when I had a bag packed in my closet, but it made me who I am.”

“You never told me about the bag thing darling,” Denki said, frowning.

“I mean, I was . . . eight or nine I think, long before we were ever even friends,” you told him. You kissed his cheek lightly. “Besides, I never had to use it.”

“I don’t think that’s the point,” Mina chimed in.

You shrugged, then said, “Oh yeah, my mother says hi baby. She would’ve come with me, but she had to work. Speaking of parents, where are yours?”

“Mom and Dad had to work today,” he explained, nuzzling your neck softly.

“Right, they told me that earlier,” you muttered.

“You talk to his parents?” Kirishima asked.

“Well, yeah. I mean, we’ve known each other since middle school. I used to go over to his house all the time. I used to babysit his sister with him. They’ve known me for a while, us dating just helped my relationship with them. Besides, whenever your school gets attacked, I always go over there. Makes me feel like I’m doing something useful.”

“I still can’t believe fucking Pikachu has a girlfriend,” Bakugou grumbled.

“Jealous?” you asked, wrinkling your nose. “Maybe if you acted less like you had rabies girls wouldn’t be so afraid to talk to you.”

“What did you just say to me?” he asked, palms crackling.

“You heard me,” you said, interlacing one of your hands with Denki’s.

“Do you wanna fucking go?” he snarled, standing up.

“Not particularly, I was just giving a suggestion. Do with it what you will,” you told him, melting back into Denki, who sighed contently.

“This is the calmest I’ve ever seen him,” Sero said, staring at Denki in wonder.

“I have that affect on him apparently,” you confessed, running your free hand through his hair. “You haven’t been sleeping well, have you?”

Denki shook his head. “Too many loud thoughts. Feel bad waking you up to deal with it.”

“Baby, that’s what I’m here for, besides, I’m up a lot of the time anyway,” you chided. “Call me, alright? It puts me to sleep too you know.”

“Mmhmm,” Denki mumbled, kissing your shoulder lightly.

“Cute,” you murmured, kissing his forehead. “You can go take a nap you know.”

“Wanna stay with you,” Denki said.

“C’mon baby, up we go,” you whispered, pulling away from him, hauling him up off the couch. “When was the last time you slept through the whole night?”

“Two weeks ago,” he admitted.

“Denki!”

“‘M sorry,” he whispered.

“Come on, you’re taking a nap, even if I have to-” You stopped what you had been about to say.

Tying him to the bed sounded sexual, and so did sleeping with him. Sitting on him just sounded bad.

“Come on Denki,” you told him. “Let’s get you to bed.”

“Wanna stay with you,” he repeated.

“I’ll stay with you, alright? Just please, get some sleep,” you said. “Where’s your room?”

He stumbled his way through the halls, leading you to his room where he flopped onto his bed.

“It’s so you,” you told him, looking around.

He made grabby hands for you and you chuckled, climbing under his covers with him.

“Missed you a lot,” he muttered.

“I missed you too,” you told him, burying your hands in his hair as he wrapped his arms around you.

He relaxed again, and you kissed his forehead as he fell asleep, rubbing your hands against his back.

“Love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too Denks,” you murmured, letting your own eyes shut as you listened to his breathing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are they still in there?” Sero asked as they made their way to Denki’s room.

“She didn’t leave,” Mina said.

“What the fuck are they doing in there?” Bakugou asked.

“I don’t hear anything,” Kirishima said. “This is really unmanly guys.”

“Open the door,” Mina pushed.

“Guys, no!” Kirishima hissed, but Bakugou had already opened the door.

“Aww,” Sero, Kirishima, and Mina muttered, seeing the two of them tangled together under the covers.

Denki’s arms were tight around her waist as they laid there together, her head tucked under his chin, like he was protecting her.

They all remembered the fierce way she carried herself, the way she would’ve defended him against anyone, even himself.

“They’re gonna get married one day,” Sero said, voicing what everyone was thinking.

“He deserves it,” Bakugou murmured, surprising everyone.

“Come on, let’s leave them be,” Kirishima muttered, closing the door soflty.

[succubusphan]

Just What I Ordered

Summary: Phil is a very rich businessman who sometimes forgets to close the door to his apartment when he's playing video games, Dan is a very unfortunate delivery boy.

Tags/warnings: Strangers to lovers, my intention was for this to be a Phil thirstrap in fic form, let me know if I got it right. Warning for food mentions in this: Phil is not against any types of food, he just gets an upset stomachs if he is not careful.

Rating: PG

Word count: 1.2k

A/n: This fic was written for the Valentine's Day Im-PROMPT-u hosted by the @phandomreversebang. The prompts I used were "Blush" and "At first sight."

Please like, kudo, reblog and all that good stuff if you enjoyed it!

Read on ao3

Phil loosened up his tie and walked into his penthouse, resisting the urge to remove all of his clothes in the foyer. His suit was just a bit too tight now that he had started going to the gym more regularly, it felt almost constricting. He would need to go shopping and find something nice that actually fit his new figure.

Walking into his bedroom, he removed his jacket and trousers, toed off his shoes and decided to settle on the couch for the time being. He unbuttoned his shirt but got distracted before finishing the task; his stomach was growling. Pizza sounded nice, but honestly, he knew his entire week had been filled with junk food and not enough time to get something that wouldn’t entirely destroy him after a few days. He sighed in melancholy thinking back to his 20s when eating shit had no repercussions on his poor digestive system, but alas, he was a man of a certain age and had a stressful job, so he needed to be more careful with what he ate unless he wanted to schedule a weeklong time off from the company.

It didn’t have to be something nasty either, he could get something good, right? Like, maybe some ceasar salad, or Thai food, like a nice sweet and spicy veggies stir fry with kimchi and a veggie burger. That surely had to count as a healthy option.

He opened his favourite Thai place’s app and placed the order. Fuck he was basic… he just had to hit the button to remake his last purchase and add a £100 tip. It was only fair since he loved their food so much and he could afford it. He briefly wondered if the owners would be offended if he wanted to become an investor in their restaurant.

Phil dropped his phone next to him on the couch and let his shoulders relax as he played Apex Legends and killed some people. Time must have run away from him because when he looked up there was a full man with a motorcycle helmet on, standing beside him in silence holding his order.

“Aaaah!” He screamed.

“Sorry!” Yelled the guy before swiftly removing the helmet. He - he was beautiful. Warm brown eyes, brown curly hair, probably as tall as Phil himself and he had dimples. And a tiny golden hoop on his ear! “I am so - so sorry. I - listen, the door was open…” The longer he spoke the more the blush rose on his face. It was absolutely adorable.

“Well, you could have knocked, but I guess you are not here to kill me so it’s ok,” then Phil looked at the bag he was holding. “Is that my order? It looks a bit massive for what it is.”

“It’s two veggie burgers, two stir-fries and two orders of kimchi. The two beers are on the house for being a long time customer.” The guy spoke in a rushed tone but he was trying to avoid eye contact at all costs, why?

“That’s double of what I ordered,” Phil stood and the guy took a step back, his eyes going doing his chest and to his crotch. That’s when he realised… “Oh, my god. Sorry, I’ll be right back, stay right here.” The man nodded but gave him one last look.

Phil removed his button-up and pulled on some grey sweats, he reached for an old t-shirt, but looking in the mirror with his new -nearly visible- muscles gave him a boost in confidence so he decided to go without. He walked back to the man in his living room and watched him choke on his spit when he saw him. “I apologise; you will get another tip for the inconvenience.”

“You already gave me £50, that’s enough, thank you.”

“No, I put £100 but I still want to give you something extra.”

The man frowned and looked at the ticket, confirming what Phil had said. “So they stole half of the tip.” he left the bag on the coffee table.

“Hey, what’s your name?”

“Dan, why?”

“Dan, maybe you should quit.”

“That’s easy for you to say, you live here and I’m a broke art student.”

“Hmm, do you have anything to do right now?”

“Yes, I’m working.”

“I’ll give you a new job. Just, stay and have dinner with me.”

“Is this some sort of scam? Do you receive all of your delivery boys like that?” He pointed at Phil’s naked torso.

“No, only the cute ones,” Phil laughed, but apparently Dan didn’t think it was funny. “Listen, I have my own company and I can just give you a job to match whatever skills you have, it would give you good hours and nice pay so that you can focus on your art. My name is Phil by the way.” Dan was still silent. “No, I have never opened my door in my pants but in my defence, nobody had ever just let themselves into my home either.”

“I don’t know.”

“That’s alright. Just give it a thought alright. I’ll give you my card and if you are interested, just text me and we’ll see what we can do. No pressure. You can also take the other half of the order since I won’t be eating that much.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You know it’s best to eat it while it’s hot than the next day.”

“Yeah, that’s true.”

Phil pulled a card from his wallet and gave it to Dan, who read it and ran his fingers through his curls. “Well…”

“Right, um…” he hurried to grab one of each container and put them in his jacket before closing the bag again. “Thank you.”

Phil tried to give him a £100 bill but Dan waved his hands and stepped back. “It’s too much. Good night, Phil.”

“Good night,” Phil said, shaking his hand and holding on but just a bit longer than normal before letting go. He watched as Dan walked out of the apartment and shut the door before dropping to the couch. He smiled just thinking about Dan’s dimples, his stomach was flipping over in a way it hadn’t since he was a teenager.

The doorbell rang again, startling him. He walked to the door and opened it. Before he could understand what was happening, Dan had pulled him into a deep kiss. He had no mercy for Phil, his hands exploring his chest and walking him back into his apartment. Phil pulled away with a smile. “I thought you couldn’t stay.”

“I changed my mind,” he said, grabbing Phil’s ass with both hands and kissing him again.

And that’s the story of how Phil met his husband; the real one, not the one they told at the wedding.

[meichenxi]

Obsession, ‘productivity’ and habits vs routines: starting learning in a healthier way

cw: perfectionism, obsessiveness, allusion to eating disorders, depression, anxiety (very non-explicit) I’m going to be writing a series of posts from some asks I’ve had waiting for me, on how to build a cohesive language learning routine, but I wanted to preface that first with something we talk about less than we should in the language learning community: obsessiveness, perfectionism, recovery from mental health, and how to approach language learning in a better way. If the personal stuff bores you, feel free to skip the first two paragraphs. 

I have been trying to ‘be more productive’ - in healthy ways, and unhealthy ways - since I was about ten. If you don’t fit in, for whatever reason, hobbies - and especially creative or ‘productive’ ones - are a wonderful escape. They make you feel that it’s ok not to have friends; they let you look down on all those other stupid children with all the misplaced arrogance of every single bored, clever pre-teen. When I was twelve, I realised there was no point eating with people that didn’t like me and went to the library instead, because that was ‘dead time’. When I was fourteen, I realised getting the bus was ‘dead time’, and started doing Anki for two hours a day. When I was sixteen, I realised walking was ‘dead time’, and started either listening to podcasts or talking out loud. By the time I was eighteen, I was doing four A-levels in school, an EPQ, teaching myself an extra Latin GCSE, and taught myself the Spanish A-level in 3 months right before the exam. I also worked out for two hours a day - because eating lunch was ‘dead time’, and sleeping was ‘dead time’ - trained martial arts four evenings a week, tutored twice a week, had a part-time job as a waitress, played the flute in a prestigious orchestra, and was 150,000 words deep in the first draft of a very gay, Norse-mythology inspired fantasy novel. 

I had it all under control. My marks were excellent; I was a well-rounded person, musical and sporty and already decently on the way to becoming a polyglot, I was training to be a teacher, and I had plans to publish my novel. My home life was painful, but I was painfully independent with what I now like to call the ‘Elsa complex’. Or, actually, like Zuko: I could look after myself, by myself. It was all under control. 

I guess everyone can see where this is going. School ended, and with it came endless, open days. I fell apart. 

With endless surprise, I can now say that, four years later, I think I’ve come through the worst of it. I still have tendencies to get obsessive, but my anxiety and perfectionism are a lot better, I don’t dissociate, and I have - gasp! shock! - actual interest in life again. I never wrote that novel, but I’m still gay and still love Norse mythology, so I’m slowly finding my way towards writing again. What people don’t tell you about getting better, though, is that trying to define yourself, trying to find yourself, as a person who exists without mental illness, is very, very hard. Many of the things that you used to identify as core components of your personality or important values may have changed, and you may be hesitant about trying to take up hobbies that you used to enjoy because you recognise - and rightly so - that the incessant drive to be doing something, all the time, didn’t necessarily come from anywhere healthy. That those things which you clung to and which protected you may actually have ended up harming you in the end. A lot of figuring out old patterns of unhelpful thoughts involves realising that the things that you defended or framed as helping - weren’t. That’s a hard thought, especially because those mechanisms developed to try and protect you, one that’s immeasurably sad. 

Seperating your reasons for doing something obsessively and your love of it in the first place, before it became unhealthy, is difficult. And it means that when you feel - finally, finally - ready to start tackling something like language learning again, you end up sorting of approaching it sideways, shiftily, as if you’re hoping to trick yourself into it. It’s a delicate thing, like a baby bird, and it’s dangerous too, because if you do everything which you did before - the only thing you know how to do - it’s not going to work. And every time it fails is personal, because being able to do it again represents getting better, and reclaiming parts of your identity mental illness stole, and it hurts.

I’m writing this post because somebody asked me about my approach to creating a successful language learning routine. And I do have a lot of thoughts - but I wanted to preface that post with this one, to say:

If you are reading this to be more productive, if it is becoming obsessive, if you want to fit the most possible language learning into the tightest schedule possible, STOP. Take care of yourself. These tips for ‘productivity’ are for people who want to learn a little bit more about organising their time, and are in the right space to add more learning to their life. If you are only defined by what many hours you get done a day, if that’s what motivates you, these tips are not for you. Look after yourself. 

And on that note, here’s a confession: I don’t have - have never had - a successful language learning routine. Because of what happened, the only way I can keep going and prevent myself from falling into bad habits is if I approach it sideways, if I pretend I’m not taking it seriously, because I know if I don’t things will go wrong. But I want to be honest and upfront because I know a lot of people read my posts for advice and say that this doesn’t work for me. It might not work for you either. I especially know there are a lot of conceptions of successful langblrs with 7, 8, 9 etc languages in the title - that that we spend 5 hours a day on Anki, fall asleep to Glossika, and so on. And it’s especially important to mention now, because I feel like my language learning habits have only started being healthy in the last year or so - essentially since I started actually enjoying Chinese media. I could teach you how to cram every spare second with language learning, or how to successfully pass an A-level in 3 months with no teachers. I was good (and arrogant, and cocky, and needed bringing down a peg or two). But I won’t.

What I do have are succesful language learning habits. Apart from being a generally more flexible appraoch for all learners, the advantage of building successful habits over a fixed routine is that it allows for learning according to different in energy levels, how busy you are, what you find difficult and what else is going on in your life. Most crucially for me is that it is always a much healthier approach, because what I do is not based on number of hours, or number of units a week, or anything quantifiable that allows me to get obsessive again or frustrated that I’m not doing enough. 

Routine is important, especially when it comes to routinising daily tasks. The only thing I have is that sometimes - on good weeks, and once or twice even shockingly on good months - I have a decent Anki streak going. That’s it. I don’t listen every day - I don’t read every day - I certainly don’t do grammar every day. There’s nothing specific I do every day, though I usually rack up a good few hours of immersion or study - to be honest, I fail at Anki probably at least 60% of the time. Everything else - all these tips I have written about - I do as and when. Framing it in such vague terms makes it sound like I must have an extraordinary amount of motivation to keep going, that maybe I’m just lucky to be interested etc, but that’s really not the case. What I have done to keep learning regularly and somewhat successfully (I hope!!) without limiting myself to a routine which I know I will starting obsessing over is tying specific language learning behaviour to certain moods or levels of concentration. 

All routine is just habit. Habit, with a ribbon and packaged nicely. But allowing yourself to adapt your learning to the circumstances gives you more flexibility than any strict routine, and is more sustainable in the long term. What building habits rather than a specific routine does is allow you to learn what works best when, what works when you’re tired, and what is best to do when you have energy, or when you want to watch a show, or talk to people. It puts you at the centre of your language learning, rather than framing language learning as a central part of you. 

So how can we build healthy habits? How can we utilise ‘dead time’ whilst keeping it light, and fun? How can we adapt our language learning for times when we are tired, and stressed? Or what about when we don’t have time to give 100% of our attention or concentration? How can we identify our own strengths, our own weaknesses, and unite these with our personal goals to figure out what to prioritise in active studying, and what to do when we don’t have the energy for that? 

I’ll give my thoughts on all of these over the next couple of weeks, in what I hope will be a comprehensive overview of how best to practice, addressing everything from how to practice speaking to how to start as a complete beginner. If you have any thoughts or interim questions, or if you’d like to add your own experience to anything I have said, please feel free to!

In the mean time - 

chenxi out.