#rather than knowledge i’ve learn secondhand

[aesethewitch]

#OcculTea - Topic 3: Imposter Syndrome and FOMO

When I follow other creators in the community space, does it make me feel genuinely inspired and empowered or does it create feelings of FOMO and being less than?

For the most part, it’s definitely very much inspiring. I wouldn’t interact in these spaces if it didn’t make me feel good. I’d go elsewhere or find something else to do with my time. I’m not really someone who’s content to be miserable at this point in my life. The Mental Illness sure does win the battle from time to time, but I’d like to believe I’m on the winning side of that war.

There are times when I feel… not less than, per se. Less experienced, definitely. Less knowledgeable, absolutely. They’re not bad feelings by any means. I love knowing that there’s always something new out there to learn. I enjoy the fact that I will never know everything. The world is so very vast. It’s incredible.

It does make me feel unsure sometimes. The drive to be “good enough” to stand among my peers is a common one. So is the fear that I’m not quite there.

That isn’t on other creators, though. That’s on me and the whole, y’know, gifted kid AuDHD burnout thing. Engaging with a sense of wonder and admiration helps. Curiosity is a powerful tool. I don’t need to worry about “missing out,” because I can always experience secondhand joy from someone else’s accounts. If I really feel like I’m going to miss out, I’ll work toward whatever that thing is. Wallowing doesn’t help anyone, least of all me.

If I experience FOMO, has it ever left me feeling vulnerable to be taken advantage of financially, or otherwise?

So, all of my big words about curiosity and wonder and not wallowing aren’t just talk. They’re hard-won truths I hold dear to my heart, because I have fallen victim to FOMO and doubt. Like I said before, I’ve dealt with bullshit artists in real life. And I fell for it.

In my case, I didn’t lose any money. Rather, I lost time and self-respect. It was a harsh set of lessons that left me feeling very hopeless. It took time, but I’ve definitely recovered! Now, anytime I feel myself slipping into that urge to play pretend and Be Someone Worth Being, I remind myself that it isn’t worth it. Things could’ve been so much worse.

These lessons aren’t just social, either. Because I’ve learned to not worry so much about what other people are doing, I rarely feel that drive to fit in or buy things I don’t need.

When practicing my craft, do I find myself comparing what I do to what I’ve been seeing people do online?

Sometimes, sure. Less in the way of “ugh, I should be doing that” and more in the way of “I do it this way, but that person does it that way; I wonder where that difference comes from…”

I tend to not worry about trends when it comes to my actual craft. In terms of publishing content, I think more about what’s already in the milieu. I’d rather not cover the exact same topic that someone else has already talked about unless I’m adding something truly unique to the conversation. On the other hand, if absolutely no one is talking about something, and it isn’t something I can afford to spend time on because writing and my Ko-Fi are my primary income right now due to health problems (my partner is our primary breadwinner), I’m unlikely to cover it.

I don’t like trend-hopping. I don’t derive any enjoyment from posting about stuff just because it’s popular. Again, unless I have something to actually add to the conversation, I won’t post anything at all. I’d rather boost other people’s takes than make some shit up just to have something to say.

In what ways do I combat imposter syndrome?

In general, actual imposters don’t bother worrying about whether they’re faking or not. They know they are. If I’m thinking to myself, “Oh, man, am I full of shit? Am I the imposter here??” that’s usually a pretty good sign that it’s the anxiety talking.

I’m lucky in that I’ve done pretty extensive therapy for my anxiety problems. I’ve learned how to challenge anxious and other negative thoughts as they arise to keep them from taking over. Using real-life evidence that’s contrary to the Imposter Thought is a huge help. After all, would an imposter create elaborate rituals to celebrate the passage of the year at regular intervals, not for clout or clicks, but for the pleasure of acknowledging the world around me?

I think not.

What would my practice look like without the social media influence of other creators?

Probably largely the same. I might struggle to get inspired for new ideas, materials, methods, etc., but my actual practice wouldn’t change much. Most of my practice has been built offline on my own. I’m solitary by nature.

This is part three of a series! Click here to view the masterpost to see all #OcculTea posts in this series. Replies, reblogs, and asks on any or all of the topics covered in this post series are very much welcome.

[icebergian]

Unwanted junk? Is it time to slim down our bookshelves? Photograph: Sean Smith for guardian.co.uk

Do books furnish a room, as Anthony Powell's Bagshaw insists? Or are they just a massive encumbrance?

It's a painful question, but one I found myself pondering while moving house recently. By the time I'd sorted through what I definitely wanted to keep, and then rigorously sorted through again to whittle the pile down further, there were comfortably 2,000 books to be somehow disposed of.

The conventional wisdom that charity shops will be glad of them can be laid to rest. Lurching in a loaded car between organisations collecting for everything from cancer to homelessness, we were welcomed about as readily as Typhoid Mary. Charity shops can sell clothes and the odd utensil, but nobody, we learned, really goes there to browse for books. Secondhand bookshops were thin on the ground, and anyway there wasn't time for anyone else to start sorting through them.

The books were eventually packed into a battalion of supermarket trolleys outside the warehouse premises of a hospice charity, and even then there was much tutting and shaking of heads and fatalistic hoping that it wasn't going to rain. And really, you can see their point. How much critical theory can a hospice shop hope to sell?

This is the first time in my life I've seen books – my own books – as unwanted junk. I always felt, as the old blues lyric had it, that I would rather go blind than see them walk away from me. But as we loaded them into the trolleys, some still emitting wisps of dust missed by the hasty wet-wiping, they came to seem like the obsessive-compulsive clutter of an unrepentant hoarder. Moments of stabbing nostalgia alternated with shafts of self-reproach (Scruton's Sexual Desire? What was I thinking?) – I dithered pitifully for minutes with Finnegans Wake in my hands – but the overall effect was one of laborious disburdening.

What's the point of keeping most books once they've been read? They huddle together on the shelves and then, when shelf space runs out, they stand around in precarious columns on the floor, making fossil impressions on the carpet, doing nothing really more serious than bearing witness to what you've read in the past few decades. Do they speak to your visitors of your capacious literary appetite? Or do they just count as old friends, the rows of Nabokovs and Thomas Manns, standing protectively around you on permanent guard?

According to one way of looking at the problem, a personal library is an enormous accumulation of books you don't want to read – either because you once tried and failed, or because you've already read them and won't ever need to reread them. So what function are they actually serving? In past times, the library of a grand house was a domestic resource that contained a repository of knowledge that couldn't be stored in any other way. It was also somewhere your guests might find something with which to entertain themselves in the quiet times between talking and eating.

These days, no such extravagantly space-consuming resource seems necessary. There will always be books to which one wants to refer back again and again, but what of most of the novels, biographies of minor figures, the tidal wave of critical theory? The answer is: they can go. Having served their moment, they can be shown the door. It's a brutally efficient new system – buy, read, flog on Amazon Marketplace – but it feels like a mid-life rite of passage. And before anyone says "ebooks", I spend enough time staring at screens already.

I'm looking at a picture of interior designer Sallie Trout, who has fitted an awkward stairwell in her home with scattered bookshelves, which she accesses by means of a bosun's chair attached to a chain hoist hanging from the ceiling. She looks like she's dangling from a ski-lift stuck somewhere above Zermatt, gamely whiling the time till rescue by leafing through an illustrated book. The crazed ingenuity of it is at once impressive and preposterous. I'd really rather get rid.

[whatudottu]

Today, let’s talk about Kinecelerans and their lives on Earth.

Y’all have probably noticed that these lads get a bit sick due to Earth’s slower rotation and I wanna talk about why, as well as how one can adapt and actually live in this slower world.

Starting off, I’ll talk about how Humans live on Earth for the sake of context. Or, more accurately, how we sleep. Humans have a sleep-wake cycle that matches up with the rotation of the Earth, mainly because our brains produce melatonin in the absence of light, and we have long evolved to adapt to this schedule. This is a circadian rhythm, named for being a cycle that’s approximately a day.

Approximately, you ask? Yes, our sleep-wake cycle isn’t exactly 24 hours, it’s a little more like a 24-25 hour cycle. It’s the reason why flying west gives us less jetlag than going east, because it’s better for us to lengthen or days than to cut it short. I’ve also heard at some point that it’s the reason why a shifting work schedule is better for your rhythm, but I can’t go into more detail on that front.

BUT! Kinecelerans don’t have a 24-25 hour circadian rhythm, they have whatever hour rhythm their planet rotates at. Sure, assumably they have a little leniency for a longer day, but ultimately Earth’s rotation speed is significantly slower than Kinet to the point of sickness. I may not have any numbers to talk about their specific sleep-wake cycle needs, but I will detail how it DOES make them sick instead.

If a Kineceleran were to actually try to stay awake for the Earth day, they would be awake for at least a few Kinet days. This would definitely be sleep deprivation, and if I know the internet, everyone’s had at least one day of it. The longer sleep deprivation goes on, the more side effects one has.

Referring back to Humans, this involves a lot of perceptual and cognitive distortions, with hallucinations and delusions coming in at the 4-5 day mark respectively. In terms of physical harm, lack of sleep does indeed cause a weaker immune system, because you’re not having any restorative sleep in between your bouts of wakefulness.

Not to say that Human symptoms translate exactly to Kinecelerans, but that right there is the key to this talk.

Hypothetically, though probably unrealistic, a Kinet day could very well last 1-2 hours. Though this most likely isn’t the case, a Kineceleran trying to stay awake for a full Earth day would be sleep deprived for 12-24 days in a row. This is at maximum, and sure it’s a definite stretch, but this is the primary reason why most Kinecelerans get sick from the slower rotation.

It’s not motion sickness, it’s sleep deprivation sickness.

Of course, a Kineceleran can clock off for their sleep every so often, but another problem arises. What about the production of melatonin, or some other sleep chemical that Kinecelerans may instead possess. While it could be possible that they don’t need an absence of light to activate sleep chemical production, let’s turn to the next common natural light source on Kinet.

Lightning.

Sleeping during a lightning storm, especially without a roof over one’s head, would not be evolutionary that great. Maybe instead of the light itself preventing sleep chemicals, it can be the presence of adrenaline (or, again, some equivalent) that keeps Kinecelerans awake. Naturally they’d be full of the stuff, being rather active, so typically stormy nights are troublesome for the many home grown Kinecelerans.

On Earth, after a certain time of morning, there’s a lot of activity outside. Noises and a whole heaping of lights may cause a Kineceleran to associate the hustle and bustle of Earth to the likeness of lightning storms, and their body acts as such by producing stress hormones. So even if they do catch their ‘z’s during the day, they can end up being partially sleep deprived if they didn’t catch enough of their recommended hours (and maybe minutes)

But that doesn’t mean Kinecelerans can’t overcome these issues.

Being born on Earth may help.

Helen Wheels, who we all know is a hybrid get back in your corner rooters, may still have half an inclination to sleep more often than a Human would, but she’s probably sleeping less than a Kineceleran should. Full Kinecelerans born on Earth may also adapt their sleep-wake cycle, maybe power nap when they would typically be asleep and fully clock out at night, sorta like the difference between weekdays and weekends.

Visitors and immigrants especially may also adapt too, but less in changing their cycles. No, what happens here is architecturally. Surely, no doubt, Kinecelerans would have their own ‘block-out-blinds’ over on Kinet for the especially excitable, advertised to block out the flashes of light and significant noise of the storms.

Earth may not be as bright as a flash of lighting, but the light is consistent and lasts for many Kinet days. The hustle and bustle of Earth however, is a lot quieter than a lightning bolt. Soundproof rooms with no windows (or some super intense block-out-blinds) are a Kinecelerans perfect bedroom, and allows for them to clock out whenever they need to.

Maybe occasionally they spend too long outdoors, meaning their adrenaline is still running even when they’re super tired, but isn’t it the equivalent thing for Humans and our screens?

Haha, anyway, I hope you enjoyed these thoughts.

And get your sleep too.

[cyanide-latte]

i'd LOVE to pick your brain on amanda young since you mentioned her in that ask meme (if you're up for it ofc!)

!!!!!

Okay so like disclaimer first for anyone reading this, I've never seen any of the Saw movies. I'd like to see the first three at some point but it is really going to depend. Had I seen them before taking a hospital job, maybe things would be different but as it is, I get the feeling I will barely be able to handle the first three on account of my job. My very limited, somewhat secondhand knowledge of Amanda is an amalgamation of reading wiki pages, movie trigger lists and warnings, watching a handful of different HorrorTuber videos, reading through her character information in Dead By Daylight, going through posts here on Tumblr, and some discussions had with people who have seen the Saw movies and are attached to her character. I say this to acknowledge that my understanding of her is minimal, and I hope to possibly revisit this in the future once I've seen the movies she's in.

That being said, from what I know of her backstory, I already was inclined to feel for her. Amanda became a victim of her own substance abuse, and that already breaks my heart. Even if the world is slowly, minutely getting better about how we treat individuals suffering from addiction, it's still so reviled and misunderstood. The fact she was already dealing with that (and the shit that came with it in her pursuit of keeping well-stocked and high) breaks my heart. Whatever her attitude was, I get the impression that deep down, she loathed herself for the addiction, but (perhaps due to her own stubbornness making her unwilling to hear it?) had no idea how to break the cycle of addiction. Clearly she tried to get herself help a couple of times, even if she ultimately kept chasing the addiction because of how much it had consumed her. But I think it's very real and heartbreaking that some part of her likely wanted help, but didn't know what to do beyond seeking out shelter.

And then everything that happens following her waking up with the reverse beartrap on her head and having to escape the way she does in order to survive? HOO.

That trauma! That trauma, having gone through all of this, and she comes out the other side of it as a fanatic disciple of Jigsaw. That level of character transformation and how driven Amanda becomes, how unwilling to compromise or accept some kind of gray area in matters when it deals with her victims! Please understand, not having seen these movies but having grown up in an environment where I’ve seen a lot of people who convert to cult-like sects of Christianity with the same level of fanaticism and ruthless drive? What I’ve heard of Amanda feels like an unsettling mirror of the way those sorts of people who hit their lowest point will latch onto a sense of something greater and throw themselves into it wholly, to the point it also can become consuming. I’ve met people like that, who convert and then become so uncompromising and unwilling to think beyond the scope of this new thing they’ve dedicated themselves to, they would rather see others die than allow there to be any sort of disruption to their new life structure.  And those people are utterly terrifying.  It’s a different type of trauma tied to religion, I think, and everything I’ve learned about Amanda to this point without having watched the movies puts me in mind of that.  To some degree, it feels like latching onto John Kramer’s personal philosophy in her own way and refusing to compromise in her thinking is another way for Amanda to ignore how broken she is? That’s just pure conjecture on my part.

There’s also a rather curious element to the way in which her character is shown to somewhat punish altruism, going by her DBD lore, and I’m sure that a lot of that ties back to the movies, but it also feels like it’s another way for her to try to lie to herself about her own loneliness and how solitary her existence has become, to the point she dislikes camaraderie or friendship and loyalty in others, because she doesn’t have that and probably doesn’t believe she ever truly did in the past or will in the present or future.

idk, I love her even though I’ve not properly met her and I wanna hug her and tell her it’s alright, she’s alright, she’s enough, and I’m sorry for what she went through, even if she stabs me for it. (And I wanna boop the snoot.)

[the19thduckpotato]

Oh look, just in time for another bit of co-op writing between @my-favorite-aesthetics and myself.  A time travel AU this time, Izuku being flung into the past before Nana Shimura’s fight with All for One.  

It was rainy that late August night. Torino had found an abandoned building in one of the shadier parts of town.  They clustered in the first floor's front room.  A single lamp fitfully tossed elongated shadows against webbed corners. Nana Shimura immediately claimed first watch, staring out the windows from behind sagging blinds.  Gran Torino slumped on one dusty chair, arms crossed as he glowered at his coffee mug.  Young Toshinori was tossing a small ball in the air but made sure not to hit the walls.  He restlessly glanced at Izuku, wanting to throw the ball to him but deciding against it.  For some reason.

Izuku tapped the pads of his fingers against his mug, wishing he could tap his fingernails but knowing that would probably drive everyone around him nuts with how high tensions were. He reflected. I'm in it now. Like it or not, I'm in it. I'm going to save her, or at least I'll try. I have a chance. Now do I want to maximize that chance, or keep everything that could help us to myself, and risk living the aftermath knowing what I could have done? One second of imagining Toshi's face was all it took to decide. His brain supplied a lovely image of Gran, too, anyway. Oh, gosh, he laughed internally, Gran would actually try to kill me! And I wouldn't blame him, either, he sobered up. I'd basically have killed her. Okay. ...Okay. He took a deep breath. ...Here we go. He immediately chickened out. I'M INSANE, WHAT AM I DOING, I COULD CHANGE THE WORLD HORRIBLY, what about Everything Happens For A Reason, what if the world turns out horrible because this tragedy was always meant to happen-- --but what if you were meant to happen, he argued back at himself. What if you were meant to come back in time and change this? If everything happens for a reason, this does too. That... is a very good point, actually. He scrunched his shoulders. He straightened. He took a final deep breath, eyes closed.

Toshinori paused in his tiny game of catch and looked to Izuku, curious. Torino snorted once and crossed his arms harder.

Izuku reconsidered his timing, afraid of provoking an outburst from an already-angry Gran if the conversation turned sour... or worse, having to explain everything while he was in this mood. But what if you don't have time. Toshi looks like the old pictures already... "Hey Toshi..." he began softly.

"Yeah?" came the easygoing reply.

"How old are you?" His voice held the sad, rather heavy note of This Is A Time Conversation. He kept his eyes fixed on the table instead of his dad strange older brother?

Torino sat up abruptly.  Toshinori blinked in alarm and looked to Master, whom seemed not to have heard the question.... or the tone it was spoken in. The blond faced Izuku--or rather, that bizarrely messy burst of curls.  "Eighteen," he answered carefully, squeezing the tennis ball in one large hand.

Izuku's hands twitched in panic when Gran sat up, but he calmed down when it seemed to be more in interest than anything else. And what would it be? He's not mean, just grumpy... kinda like the dwarf, hehheh... except way too TALL, and THAT'S bizarre but-- "Oh, okay." He managed to respond in what was probably a normal timeframe. "Uhm," ... He hoped somebody would ask what else he wanted to say and he wouldn't have to push it out on his own.

Toshinori watched the kid anxiously then opened his mouth. "...why?" Torino's voice butted in.  "What's it to ya?"  He grumbled as he found his coffee cup empty, then waved with a semblance of apology.  "Spit it out, whatever it is." Nana continued to silently stare out the window.  It bothered Sorahiko, her lack of involvement in the conversation,  making him edgier.  His grey eyes bore into Izuku.  "Well?"

"...Something bad's gonna happen," Izuku said quietly. "Within the year. That's basically all I know." About the date, anyway. I'm going to fight it when it comes, I'm going to fight with you... maybe for you... but I couldn't make it alone, together is the only chance we've got....

"Listen kid," Torino said, crossing his arms again.  "Something bad is already happening.  We're halfway to on the run because of a criminal mastermind named All for One--" A faint sound from Nana's spot.  Toshinori's brows knitted together and, despite his fear of the man, was ready to retort. Todino held up one gloved hand.  "So you'll have to forgive me if I'm not impressed by within the year.  Gimme something better or stop scaring the human puppy over there." Toshinori's ears flushed a faint red and he resumed tossing his ball.

That got a grin out of Izuku, and he looked over at Toshi, watching at first with affection-- then added a slightly-teasing "aaaawwww♡"

Toshinori's head scrunched down between his shoulders, his already thick muscles belying the gentle eyes of a still young man. Torino shook his head and shifted to the coffee maker.  "That quivering cream puff the next Holder?  My left foot could be a better--" "Leave him alone, Sorahiko," Nana's voice echoed across the room.  She was finally looking at the rest of them, sitting with a regal air.  Her gaze rested on Izuku a moment, as if probing for something.

Izuku's eyes shifted to her, then locked on her gaze. All pretense seemed to leach out of his expression. "He's gonna find us. This year."

She nodded slowly, as if his words had settled a debate in her mind.  "Thank you, Izuku." "What?"  Toshinori looked between the two, hands held out in confused dismay.  "No, Master, that's terrible!  We have to do something!" "And we will, boy," Torino barked.  "Now sit down." And the future Symbol of Peace plunked down in an empty chair--for her, not for him.  He longed to ask more of Izuku but feared the answers.  Four months wasn't a lot of time.  Especially not to master One for All.  He swallowed hard.

Izuku tried to unwind his muscles from the rigid form they wound themselves into at Torino's command, anger growing at both his own reactions and the authority figure's grouchy hero's volume. His hand curled into itself, nails biting his palm before he forced himself to relax. He sighed, taking a long drink of the bitter mess in his mug, the warmth in his stomach making him feel better despite himself. "Hey, Toshi?" His voice was a little croaky from how long he had held his breath to guzzle the coffee. "How long are you still gonna be 18?"

"A while, I hope," Toshi tried to joke with a weak grin.  "Only been 18 for a few months now." He ambled toward the coffee maker, reaching for an empty mug and Torino smacked his hand away. "That stuff'll stunt yer growth," he scolded, sipping his third cupful. Toshi couldn't help but look to his master again but she had returned to her silent staring through the blinds. I miss her smile.  She hasn't been the same since...  Toshi grimaced.

Izuku couldn't help but let a soft snort escape with a grin. Toshi was already tall enough to hit his head on the doorframe.

"So.  Yagi is the problem, eh?"  Torino considered his coffee and added a tired looking packet of sugar.

Izuku gave him a weird, dubious squint. Why the Crap would you make that kind of comment....

Maybe if I prod the boy enough, some of her old fire will come back and defend him against me.  Ah Nana....

What on earth would lead you to that conclusion... why are you so hard on him, no matter what happens, one day he's going to snap in your face and all the years will culminate in a load of hell to pay-- and I can't help with this one. It's gone too far already.

Toshinori glanced at his hands, trying to look small and unobtrusive. Torino rolled his eyes and flicked the empty sugar packet on the floor.  "Anything else, Future Izuku?"

Izuku gritted his teeth, gripping his cup to try and hide the fact that his hand wanted to curl into a fist yet again. He unclenched his jaw and tried to keep his voice neutral. "Not that I can think of, but in a minute I'll probably have something else. Time travel is complicated, and I'm not sure what I can tell you. Or what I can explain in a comprehensive way." He paused, lips forming a thin line. "And what I know... isn't much. Obviously what I've learned was secondhand, and nobody liked to talk about it a great deal."

Toshinori's blue eyes shone with regret.  He knew he would eventually have the knowledge Izuku needed but his own future self hadn't shared enough.  Understandably....but still frustrating. "I apologize," he mumbled.

Izuku blinked with surprise, turning back to Toshi. "For what? It's not like anyone knew this was going to happen. And you haven't done any of it," he half-laughed. Of course you'd apologize for it. I didn't know you started this early. And to think you told me not to apologize all the time... his mind started to drift to Dagobah Beach, but he pulled it back, pushing away the ache in his chest. Not right now....

"Something bad is coming.  I wish i had given you more to work with.  We could prepare better." He almost added ....right, Master?  But he too was unsettled by her silent watch, wanting to hear her laugh just once more.  If she could just laugh, all this gloomy future would melt away, Toshi was sure. And suddenly, she stood up from her seat, a determined look on her face. "M-master?"

Izuku looked to her, wondering whether this new resolve was good or bad.

"And where do you think you're going?" "Just a small errand, Sorahiko.  Calm down." Torino hrmphed! angrily.  "Calm down?  Calm down??  We've been laying low for three days now, you suddenly get it into your head to go on a snack run, and you want ME to calm down??"  He snapped his fingers at Izuku.  "Midoriya--you know anything about this?"

"No?" Izuku gave him That Scrunchy Look again. The one that hopefully implied he was a bit bonkers for saying these things. Don't snap at me, you-- "Why would I?"

Toshi brushed back one of his bangs, the worry clear on his face.  "Master, forgive me but... why now, at this moment, when Izuku just said--" Nana cut her student off with a large grin, her eyes crinkling shut.  "He said we have the rest of the year, not the rest of the night.  Don't worry so much, it'll give you greys, sunburst!" Torino pointed to his own hair then at his best friend.  "For once,, I actually agree with your lil fanboy.  What's the hurry?" If Nana's smile faltered, she was quick to restore it to full brilliance.  "I said it's fine.  No, really...  Toshi, sit down."

Why is everyone telling him to sit down? He doesn't seem like he wants to. Is he going to? Do we need to stop her? Is she really going out on a snack run? --IS SHE GOING TO HUNT DOWN ALL FOR ONE EARLY, oh my gosh Nana NO

Toshi's hands were out in some sort of pleading gesture, his fingers twitching, uncertain what to grasp or punch to make whatever this impending sense of doom go away.  He turned not to Nana but to Izuku, eyes wide; his heart thudded in his chest now and breath came in short gasps. Something's wrong.

Oh boy. He's freaking out. Izuku bit his lip, wondering what to say to help him.

Toshinori waited a moment longer --please, say something, anything!-- then got to his feet and strode toward his master. "Yagi, what part of sit your ass down don't you get!" He faced Torino, bangs trembling but jaw jutted out.  "She's not going alone." Torino looked taken aback, stunned into silence.  Whether it was from  Toshinori's defiance, his boldness, or his protectiveness was hard to tell. Nana moved to touch the young hero's cheek...then rested her hand on his shoulder instead.  "I promise it's ok," she murmured. Toshi's brows knitted together again and he shook his head.  "It doesn't feel ok," he croaked.

Izuku's heart ached at that sound. Please let everything be okay... please

"I won't be long, sunburst," she replied gently.  "And a team of one draws less attention." "At least tell me where you're going," he pleaded. Torino grunted something like agreement then shifted in his seat.  "Listen to your master," he said with little enthusiasm. "I'll be back soon," she said cheerfully.  "How about that brilliant smile to see me off?" Her laughter tinkled merrily as Toshi did as he was asked.  She then tweaked one of his bangs fondly and opened the door.  "Keep smiling," she said in a commanding voice.  "Remember, those who can keep smiling are the strongest of all." Toshi gave a soft strangled noise as the door clicked shut behind her.

"...A team of two has a better chance of survival," Izuku said calmly, fingertips tapping on the table thoughtfully. "I'd like your permission to follow her. Not secretively, just to... Not Leave. She's less likely to be as insistent to me as to either of you."

Torino fiddled with his coffe cup a moment then nodded at it.  "Not you," he snapped at Toshinori.  "You get over here and protect me or some such." The blond half slunk back to his own chair but he gave Izuku a small relieved smile.

Izuku gulped the last of his coffee, made a face at the grounds in the bottom, and stood, grabbing his jacket from the back of the chair and slipping out the door. He saw Nana in the hallway, and began to walk after her, standing tall, hoping his confidence would be enough to quietly outlast anything she could shout at him. I'm not leaving you. Not when your life is already so far on the line.

She paused, one hand quickly rubbing her face, then turned.  "Hey," she said casually.  "Whatcha doing?  Out on another time quest?"

Izuku swallowed the hint of a lump trying to sneak into his throat. "You could say."

Nana studied him a moment.  "Need any help?"

"...Yeah." He kept his voice soft, tilting his head at her.

She returned his look, one eyebrow arched with suspicion.  "I'm listening."

Be gentle. Be soft. Seem young, she’ll go a little easier on you. But not too young, you’ll seem clueless. In reality, he just looked tired. “I need you to tell me where you’re going.”

She almost told a lie. She almost denied his unspoken accusation hotly. She almost ignored him. Instead, she just sighed.  "Testing me or actually curious?"

“I... honestly don’t know what you mean, I just really need to know.” If you’re going after him... if you die....

"Izuku, sometimes a hero needs to take extra precautions to protect those she loves.  To make sure they don't get hurt."  She was walking again but with the gait of one on their way to do something distasteful.  "I'm not worried about Gran Torino and I'm sure the kid is going to be fine."  A faint genuine smile, half hidden by her raven hair.  I know he is. "...but not everyone can protect themselves.  Especially now that my husband..."  She covered her mouth, fighting to retain composure.

Izuku stayed quiet, both out of knowing that any condolences he could offer would seem empty, and in hopes that she would fill the silence with more detail. Is she going on patrol...? I’m missing something here

Nana cleared her throat and tossed her hair back.  "I still have a family, Izuku.  A small son, Kotaru.  And if you say that All for One will attack again this year, then i can't afford to wait.  I need to secure his future."

Izuku’s eyes went wide, everything he knew about Shigaraki flitting through his mind. “...Ah.”

"Besides," Nana continued.  "I can't let anything distract me when I face All for One again."  She inclined her head, for a moment a dangerous thing of beauty.  "Next time is the last time.  No matter what.  That's the only thing you've gotten wrong so far, Izu," she added with a confident smirk.  "Saying that he's still alive in the future.  And even if it is true for now, it won't be much longer.  I'm changing that.  But first..."

Izuku looked haunted, and slightly ill. His mouth moved a bit, but no words would leave.

"...you ok, kiddo?"

He closed his eyes, almost shrinking back into himself for a second. “.......I don’t know how to tell you that that is... not a path you want to take. I’m sorry. I j... I just don’t know how else to put it, it’s complicated and horrible and....” He rubbed a hand over his eyes exhaustedly, shaking his head.

Her heart froze at his words. Then:  "No.  It has to be this way.  It's the only way I can guarantee Kotaru will be out of his reach."  She sounded only half convinced of her own words. She stopped walking, grey eyes glittering with grief.  "What could possibly be worse than making sure my only son lives, away from all this?  Where my choices don't put his life in danger?"

Izuku groaned, facepalming. He was at a loss as to how to break news like this gently... “eeEheh-h..,” He just made a weird squeaky noise instead.

Nana held up a hand.  "No.  I don't want to know."  And she resumed walking down the hallway.

“Why? Because you’re going to do it anyway?” Izuku’s heart felt like a stone. Or maybe it was his lungs. Some organ. He couldn’t tell.

That brought her to a hard stop.  She turned, disbelief and anger fighting for dominance on her face.  "One more time?" she asked quietly.

Izuku lifted his head, his heart squirming a little, trying to get away from the backlash he knew was coming. He lifted his head. Worth it, worth it, worth it, be strong,,, let it flow through you,,,, “Why don’t you want to know?” His soft voice was loud in the silent hallway. “Because you’re going to do it anyway?”

Nana couldn't breathe. Here was this child, speaking the truth and somehow making it sound like the worst plan. "You don't understand," she replied, trying to remain calm.  "You don't know what it's like, do you?  Watching that monster rip away someone you love, someone who is a part of you."  She took one slow step toward Izuku.  "Now I know this job is dangerous.  And I know what I was getting into when I was given One for All.  What I didn't know--" Another step. "--was the heartache that came along with the rest of it.  Izuku, I didn't just watch my husband die..."  Her eyes shone with unshed tears as she clutched her chest. How is this kid doing this?  Prompting all this? "...part of me died that night, too.  No one warns you about that.  And chances are, no one has warned you of that.  You wouldn't be trying to convince me not to do this if you had experienced the same.  And frankly, I'm glad of that, that your future has not been tragic." She was in front of him now.  "Please understand.  I can't lose Kotaru, too.  I would have nothing left.  But as long as my child lives, I can survive long enough to do what must be done." She brushed a single silvery tear away.  "That.  That is why, Izuku.  I cannot bear the thought of failure."

Izuku’s eyes filled with tears, and he swallowed hard as the implication of her words sank in. “No,” he whispered hoarsely, “I haven’t Lost yet.” His hands curled into loose fists and back again, over and over. “I almost did. But I didn’t.” One tear slipped out. “He stayed with me. He fought to stay.” Please fight. I don’t want to be the doomsday prophet but you have no idea what suffering your death will entail. You’re too busy thinking of Giving Your All. I know. I know.

She knelt on one knee and looked into his eyes.  "May I ask who...?"

He closed his eyes tight, the remaining tears dripping down, and squeezed his hands shut again, rasping out, “I think you already know.” The one who gave me One for All. He did not do to me what you did to him, because it hurt him that much. Do you understand what that means. He idolizes you. You are everything to him, you are light and sun and bravery and good but he turned around and did the exact opposite of This Last Thing, because it was wrong. It wasn’t worth it to die. To go to your death in a blaze of glory. It never is. To lay down your life is in the doing, not the dying.

Nana's eyes slowly drifted toward the door she had left through, the same door behind which Sorahiko and Toshinori waited. Toshinori. ....my little sunburst. She squeezed her eyes shut as she tried to shut her heart to it. ...my second son.  My other legacy.  One who also deserves to survive and live and thrive and "...Toshi?" she whispered.  "He almost...?"

“Ye-ah,” Izuku’s voice cracked. His eyes opened, but he couldn’t bear to look at her. “He wanted to, for the longest ti-ime...but he... he didn’t....” He sniffled, swiping at his nose with his sleeve. “...he thought of me......n ho-w—“ a single, gasping sob slipped out, and he pressed a hand over one eye “—how he didn’t want me to feel what he felt....when you—“ his voice dropped to a whisper, his whole body trembling slightly “—died....”

The world turned upside down. She sank to both knees, knuckles pressed to lips.  "Toshi..." she barely breathed. She looked up to Izuku and held her arms out.  "C'mere, Izu."

Oh, good. I would have done that anyway if you hadn’t offered. Izuku swallowed a hiccupping sob, stepping forward and wrapping his arms around her. He let himself cry softly, holding on tight, his face leaning against her hair. And somehow, in the back of his head... She called me Izu....

She hugged him tightly and ran one hand through his curls.  "I'm so sorry, kiddo," she murmured.  "I'm sorry for making you remember tha--" Her eyes flew open.  That young man in there, her goofy, golden hearted, puppy clumsy, easy going, kind spirited sunburst.  The tears gathered as she began to really understand what Izuku was telling her. He was berating her in the gentlest dressing down ever crafted.  Or that was simply Izuku.  But where she had protested that her plans were to keep others from enduring the anguish she felt, Izuku was saying that those same plans would bring about that same anguish.  But not for Kotaru. Or not just for Kotaru. But for Toshi. She hugged Izuku closer, as tears slid down in quiet horror.  Of knowing she would break Toshi's heart.  He, the sunburst, who had never done anything to deserve such. "Oh God..." she wept.

“It’s okay, I’m here now,” Izuku cried, clinging ever tighter, fumbling for words but needing to say something reassuring, something hopeful. “I know I’m not as strong as—“ As what? As I should be? As All Might? As they think they need? That’s not a valid line of conversation “—or at least I don’t look it—but—“ He wiped some tears away with his sleeve, a few too many of Nana’s hairs sticking to the mess that was his face, “—I’m one more person...” I have One for All... “I’ll help you... I’ll make the difference.” He squeezed her powerful shoulders one more time. “We can think of another plan—“ he dried his face off more, the last breathy sob expanding his ribcage, clearing his throat “—we’ll be strong enough together.”

"Help me," she whispered.  "Please.   Help me save them all." She fell silent as she dropped her arms.

Izuku’s voice was suddenly deep and confident while still thickened with the aftermath of tears. His arms held her securely, his body stiffening not with fear, but with strength as the Hero’s Voice fell out of him. “I will.” His breathing steadied. His legs did. His heart did. In that dusty hallway, arms around his hero’s hero, he found his footing in the new world. And he held on.

Nana leaned back, her eyelashes starfishing from tears.  She gazed in wonder, not just at Izuku, but at the hero he was destined to become. At One for All seemingly contained within its proper and true Holder, the one it had been waiting for. But something even more than that, somehow.  Nana knew she was in the presence of a great hero, knew that she had somehow helped shape that. And she found strength in his strength, using Izuku as support, pulling herself up. "Thank you," she said.

The boy was back, grinning up at her with a gentle, lopsided smile, his own eyelashes wet. “Of course,” he said softly, as if it were the most natural thing in the world to help her. (Because, of course, it was.)

[atvir]

I walk upon a great hall, Part ?? + 1

It seemed to almost be remarkable that Foxrun was able to salvage some Horde gold off the coast of Zandalar without spilling any blood.

Of course, there were moments of great tensions, notably, when Zandalari druids intercepted the Dancing Dolphin, boarded with their permission, and began inquiring about the purpose of being so close to their lands.

Atvir answered with a half-truth. Sure, he was not actually there to study the Zandalari Loa, but he did have vested interest to learn of them at some point.

The towering Zandalari, even from a level below on the upper deck, responded with razor sharp tongues in broken common.

"I did not ask any ting o' you, 'Highborne'. Yo're perversions o' de wild faith are not welcome."

Atvir felt a rush of anger wash over him, contemplating some sort of clever remark back at the troll, but decided best to not make the situation worse.

What bothered him more was that the druid may have been partially right.

After a long night of lookout upon the Kul Tiran vessel, Atvir returned to familiar land and laid his head upon a pillow.

As soon as his eyes closed, the great, all-too-familiar aisle was upon him within the dream-view.

The faceless watchers looked upon him with their eyeless vigil. Even with such familiarity, there was a sense of uneasiness about the ordeal.

He wandered the center aisle of the wood-and-marble weave for what felt like a shorter period of time than his prior visit. Eventually, he began to notice that the building was dematerializing into an open sky with the vast ocean spread at his feet.

The dream-horizon baked the waters in a gentle, orange glow, mimicking that of a sunset. An object was careening towards Atvir. He glared and was able to make out a boat.

He blinked and was now at the bow of the ship, however, what he landed on was not of a Kul Tiran build. The opulent ruby, emerald, and gold paintings, the sharp edges of the boat, as well as the crest that stood upon the stern of the ship made it evident that this would have been some sort of Zandalari destroyer.

At the wheel was the mystery-of-form, the great host of the Hall. Sea?

Even with the dream-sun resting upon the back of the being, all Atvir made out was a silhouette. The form makes a noise as if stretching something elastic.

Are they smiling?

"Leaf-and-shadow. It seems you've made...adequately enough on your end. May I scrawl the mind to see what we may discuss since your unwelcome, uninvited visitation?"

Atvir nodded. "After all this time, I've realized I never really gave you something to associate with. I will call you Shifter."

Shifter made a noise reminiscent of a gentle wind pushing an old door open. "Boring but fine. Names are irrelevant to me, Leaf-in-Shadow."

Another noise, that of a musty tome flipping a book came from the mystery-of-form. "Hmm! A memory of an old crone...don't ever think I've been aware of her, and ah, you used a similar technique to expedite travel, like I displayed last time. The benefits of arguing with me."

Flip. "Hot air balloon trip with the Guild. Unremarkable. Hm. Lots of new memories of Her."

Atvir smiles at the thought.

Flip. "Odd. You've decided not to try to search for your father, yet."

Flip. "Salvage. You stayed on the ship. Irate Zandalari druids? You were treading on their territory."

Shifter emitted a groaning noise. "You've plenty of NEW things to discuss, but I think it is rather obvious what you want to discuss At-veer."

A loud noise echoed from the formless one, almost as if flesh, bone, sinew were in a dance to create something new. After a rather drawn-out transformation, there stood a nine-foot tall Zandalari druid in the colors of the Empire’s navy. Shifter-Zandalari snaps their finger. A horn of unknown make is heard beyond the horizon, unseen within the walls. As soon as this occurs, the ship begins to move at full-sail.

Unlike Lethelas, there is a face tied to them, constructed from Atvir's recent memory. Out of the troll comes a more accurate enunciation of what they would say in common.

"So, I won't say dis again - I did not ask anyting of ya, 'Highborne'. Your perversions o' de wild faith are not welcome."

Atvir smirked. "Well, you did inquire about what we were doing in Zandalari waters, no? I'm just giving you my answer to that."

"Even if that be de answer, I care not about what'cha doin' here. You are a mockery of our ways. The original ways."

"Your argument is weak. Perhaps we evolved from trolls due to the Well's powers, but our sphere of worship may coincide or overlap in some instances. We spent most of our initial expansion away from you. You never communicated with us. Two of the greatest powers at the time see each other, they're perceived as a threat. We drove you back."

"Den ya blew up de world! Where were ya gods den?"

"They were with us this entire time. Of course, the Highborne scorned the path of nature and in their selfishness, nearly doomed us all. I'd consider ourselves lucky to still have something after thousands of years. I consider the ordeal...a lesson. I was born LONG after the Sundering, so I can only take secondhand accounts of it."

"De loa are wit us through thick and thin. Dey do not abandon us."

"Same thing with our gods, or loa as you perceive them. Did they leave you when your empire stubbornly decided on inaction? When it was sinking into the sea?"

"Rezan had led us with great wisdom, Rastakhan an extension of him! Who were we ta question de King of kings?"

"I'd consider it a lesson, then. We cannot forget what occurred to us in the past, but we cannot cling to old ideals forever. Change comes eventually. I do love the gods I worship, I really do, but sometimes, that does not make them right. Their flaws do make them much more easier to be drawn to, however."

"Hmmm. You've given me much to consider. Perhaps seclusion has left us wary of thieves of knowledge and faith, after all."

"I was partially being honest about my intent of learning of Zandalari loa. I've known so little about other closely-tied gods to my own even after living for so long."

"I can make no guarantees of what could happen if ya arrive on dese shores for such an endeavor, but are ya willing to make such a commitment? Each of dem are different compared to whatever copycats ya have."

"My intent is to learn, not worship."

"To learn is one and da same, as de pink-skins call it. Respect will be de only way to do so."

Atvir sighed. "So it's like learning the forms all over again."

Shifter-Zandalari chuckles. "Heh, sometin' like dat. A pity dis just be a dream.”

With a snap of their finger, Atvir is pulled out from the dream and is awakened. Unlike last time, there is no sense of dread.

He looked down at his amulet, rubbing it with his thumb. He stretched out of the bed, composed himself, and began the next day.

Other dreams with Shifter:

Part ?? Part ?? + 1 - You are here

[catflowerqueen]

Rescue Team Retrospective Part 5: Characterization, Part 2

Rescue Teams

Both in general and specific ones

For all that the game claims that there are tons of rescue teams in the Pokemon World, it’s a little disappointing that we only get secondhand information about most of them and don’t really get to see too many until after the fugitive arc. And even then we don’t get to see entire teams. For example, when it comes to the team who initially went to save Team AWD, we only get to see the leaders and none of their teammates are in the crowd. The proof of this is that if you go to the Dojo after beating the main story (at least in Blue) you have the chance to fight their entire teams as well as Shiftry’s. Well, Blastoise’s other teammates are a Feraligator and Swampert—yet they don’t appear during Shiftry’s meeting.

It’s also a little weird that the leaders start hanging out in town afterwards when there isn’t any prior indication that they actually live there. Not to mention the fact that Shiftry’s teammates are never actually seen again after their introduction.

Anyways, I don’t really have too much to say about them other than it’s a shame you don’t get to see more of them, and I think that the developers realized the missed opportunity by Explorers and that’s why the town is a lot more populated and has different teams travelling in and out.

It is pretty nice that Shiftry mellows out and actually becomes fairly supportive and seemingly more willing to Rescue just for the sake of the rescues rather than the money after you save him, though. He definitely became more responsible as the game progressed.

 ACT

Charizard is kind of a jerk, and Tyranitor is… okay? I guess? I don’t really have much to say about them individually. They do get a lot of individual dialogue when they’re in town, but a lot of it is… not condescending, exactly, but more like they’re just humoring you. I do think Charizard secretly wishes to have some sort of big brother or mentor role to the partner, though, since he actually addresses them multiple times and tries to give them some sort of justification once you reach Ninetales’ lair. It doesn’t actually work too well, though.

As for Alakazam… well it’s clear you’re supposed to look up to him and think of him as a mentor, and he does seem knowledgeable about stuff, but I don’t really have strong opinions on him either. It’s clear that he’s trying to take on a sort of reasonable authority figure role, but it also feels like he’s probably trying to carry a bit too much responsibility. Like… he seems to have a fondness for the hero and partner, or at the very least finds the hero intriguing, and doesn’t seem to care one way or the other that the hero used to be human beyond them possibly being involved in the Ninetales Legend, but… honestly, Lombre and Bellsprout seemed to show more genuine regret about the whole thing even before your innocence is revealed. Like, sure, Alakazam is the one to tell you to take the chance and run, but he seems a bit too gleeful and didn’t really give you too much of a chance of running before tracking you down.

   Meanies

This is mostly going to be about Medicham and Ekans, since Gengar’s entire situation means he deserves his own post, but as for the other two… they don’t get as much characterization as some of the other antagonists in subsequent games, but I actually think they’re kind of fun. They’re jerks that take things too far sometimes, but at the very least they do know when they should just back off, because they’re actually pretty cordial towards you when you see them again post game. Or, well, Medicham is at least, from what I’ve seen, since the Stormy Sea lead-up happens pretty much right after you start the game back up and are leaving town after learning about evolution. She’s still kid of gossipy and seems to be making fun of Lombre behind his back, but she’s nice enough when talking to you. And from what I know about the Wish Cave thing she and Ekans are both fairly pleasant?

And the team as a whole does at least do their jobs when it comes to rescue missions. Like, yes, they steal from your mailbox and everything… but at least its not like they’re stealing your actual personal items or physically assaulting you like Team Skull did multiple times. And even the fugitive arc thing… well, assuming that they don’t actually know about Gengar’s personal history, then what they were doing wasn’t too far off from the rest of the town? They may have genuinely believed that the hero was a danger. And, yes, they definitely needed some sort of comeuppance for stirring up panic and trouble, because that isn’t good and is the equivalent of yelling “Fire!” in a crowded theater, but they do get chased out of town themselves after you return (though what they thought they would accomplish by running to the dead end of the pond, I’m not sure) and most of the problems were stirred up by Gengar, so…

Also, I don’t think they’re related to Medicham from Team Charm or Arbok from Team AWD beyond maybe a minor reference or callback, mostly because Arbok didn’t seem to recognize Medicham at all in that special episode.

[the-busy-ghost]

Hi! I hope you're well - I was just wondering if you had any recommendations for interesting & engaging "introductory" texts about Scottish history (particularly between 500 and 1500 AD, although I know that's really broad!) No worries if you don't have any ideas or don't feel like answering such a vague question though! Have a lovely day :)

Hi! 

Apologies for the delayed response on this, I have no real excuse except being anxious that I wouldn’t be able to answer it perfectly. So I’ve decided to bite the bullet and answer somewhat imperfectly. This answer also depends on just exactly how much knowledge you already have of Scottish history, so if I’m being patronising and assuming too much ignorance, or alternatively if I’m not being clear enough, please let me know. 

The first thing I would always recommend before diving into serious literature is having a basic framework in the back of your mind. It may be an inaccurate framework but given that mediaeval Scottish history really isn’t taught or known to the same extent as say mediaeval English history, it is essential that you know where you are on a basic level, so you can both enjoy and learn from the texts that go into more detail. This basic background can come from almost anything- Braveheart and blatantly inaccurate novels aside. 

This is quite freeing because basically reading almost ANYTHING can be useful at first, and also first and foremost if you’re going to devote a considerable amount of time to something, you should work out how to make it fun and understandable.

I always had some idea of Scottish history since I was a kid but I got more into it in my late teens and I’ll be honest, though I probably don’t agree with anything in it pages now, one of the first books I picked up at the age of about sixteen was Neil Oliver’s ‘History of Scotland’ (released alongside the documentary series). Any basic ‘History of Scotland’ of that type (if it looks reasonably reputable) should give you a basic framework that you can build on- in the same way some people learn the kings and queens of England. Wikipedia could also work this way, though it may be more patchy. Other, slightly more reputable and in-depth but not really textbook, works of this kind include Stewart Ross’ “The Stewart Dynasty”; Alistair Moffat’s ‘The Borders’; popular (if coloured) biographies of people like Robert the Bruce, William Wallace, and Mary Queen of Scots (she’s post-medieval but still a relevant example); and even some of the older Victorian histories of people like Tytler (watch out though, they get weirdly ‘ethnic’ in their interpretations of some historical events and processes- some were convinced that there was a centuries-long feud between the “Celt” and the “Teuton”/”Saxon”). Even novels and songs- though sometimes highly inaccurate- can help with this, even if they’re Walter Scott. 

So I’m not going to be a purist and get snobby about Neil Oliver or Walter Scott even if I would never set store by any of the above works in an academic context (or even just a drunken argument). The first step in my view is literally to get a basic feel for what we *think* our history is (and enjoy learning about the different regions and cultures a bit!), and then you can set about dismantling all these stereotypes and misconceptions with better books. 

If you DO want a reasonably trustworthy general overview though, I believe that Fiona Watson has written one called “Scotland: From Prehistory to Present” and there must be a few others written by academics, it’s just been so long since I’ve read completely general histories I can’t really comment on this accurately.

Assuming you’re already aware of the above though and have a pretty good idea of what you’re dealing with then there are two next steps I would recommend.

The first are the series of texbooks/overviews that are often published by universities. Obviously since these are textbooks they are more introductory and general, but they do often cite academic articles and books that are more detailed. I have found a couple of series particularly useful and outlined the main titles below:

- The “New History of Scotland” series. This is a good series as most of the books were initially A5 sized or slightly bigger (so quick to read and easy to carry). Sadly this means that they do not employ footnotes/citations to any great extent, usually only providing a ‘Further Reading’ section at the end of the book. You can usually find old copies of these online for a reasonable price. This series includes, among others:

- “Warlords and Holy Men: Scotland, 80-1000”, by Alfred P  Smyth

- “Kingship and Unity: Scotland, 1000-1306″, by G.W.S. Barrow 

- “Independence and Nationhood: Scotland, 1306-1469″, by             Alexander Grant. (This one has a particularly good basic overview of diet, trade, e.t.c.)

- “Court, Kirk, and Community: Scotland, 1470-1625″, by Jenny Wormald

- “Power and Propaganda: Scotland, 1306-1488″, by Katie Stevenson (note- the previous titles listed were written in the 1980s and 90s, but this one was added to the series in 2014, so it’s more up to date in some ways though it’s up to you whether you think it’s more persuasive).

- The “New Edinburgh History of Scotland” series. These are bigger books than the previous series and are complete with on page citations and bibliography. They tend to all come in matching blue jackets, and I thought that secondhand copies of these would be slightly more expensive than the above but a quick search on amazon has surprised me, since a copy of Oram’s “Domination and Lordship” is several pounds cheaper than Grant’s “Independence and Nationhood”. Anyway these are slightly more in-depth than the above series, but work very well in tandem with those shorter books. The series includes:

- “From Pictland to Alba: 789-1070″, by Alex Woolf (it is a very long time since I read this, so I have to admit I have very little memory of its contents but I put it here for balance)

- “Domination and Lordship: Scotland, 1070-1230″, by Richard Oram (good used along with Kingship and Unity)

- “The Wars of Scotland, 1214-1371″, by Michael Brown

- “The First Stewart Dynasty In Scotland, 1371-1488″, by Stephen Boardman (full disclosure I have not read this one yet, but I have read some of Boardman’s other books).

- “Scotland Reformed, 1488-1587″, by Jane E.A. Dawson

- The “History of Everyday Life” series. These books are collections of essays on some selected aspects of day to day life in medieval Scotland and can provide some interesting reading and insights. Only one of the books in this series is relevant to our time period, but it may be worth checking out the other three since some customs and behavioural patterns from more recent times are worth comparing with the past. The volume covering the medieval period is “A History of Everyday Life in Medieval Scotland, 1000-1600″, edited by Edward Cowan and Lizanne Henderson.

- The “Northern World” series. This is not a series I’m particularly familiar with outside of some light reading while at university (mostly because these books can be really expensive compared to the previous ones mentioned). HOWEVER not only do they range across northern Europe (not just Scotland) but a couple of them help to balance out the Lowland focus which sometimes predominates in the above general overviews. There are quite a few interesting books in this series (identifiable usually by their purple jackets) but some that I know of include:

- “Kinship and Clientage: Highland Clanship, 1451-1609″ by Alison Cathcart.

- “The Lordship of the Isles”, edited by Richard Oram (this is a collection of essays)

There was also an older “Edinburgh History of Scotland” series published in the 1970s- some of the authors were better than others and they’re a bit dated now but they’re still a useful starting point. The series includes:

- “Scotland, the Making of the Kingdom”, by A.A.M. Duncan

- “Scotland: The Later Middle Ages”, by Ranald Nicholson

There are lots of other book series out there- the St Andrews Studies in Scottish History or the publications of old literature by the Scottish Text Society for example but I think I’ve listed enough to be getting on with. There are also a few books that I think make good general overviews (or are collections of interesting essays) that aren’t in a particular series:

- “Women in Scotland, 1100-1750”, edited by Elizabeth Ewan and Maureen M Meikle (this is a collection of essays rather than an overview of women’s history but it’s a good starter, and great if you only have fifteen minutes to spare)

- “Glory and Honour: The Renaissance in Scotland”, by Andrea Thomas (a beautiful coffee table book with lots of pictures of art and architecture). It starts in 1424.

- “The Kingdom of the Isles: Scotland’s Western Seaboard, c.1100-c.1336″, by R. Andrew MacDonald

- “The Black Douglases”, Michael Brown

- “Robert the Bruce’s Rivals: The Comyns, 1212-1314″, by Alan Young

- “The Northern Earldoms: Orkney and Caithness, 870-1470″, by Barbara E. Crawford

- “Scottish Independence and the Idea of Britain: From the Picts to Alexander III”, by Dauvit Broun

- “Virgins and Viragos: A History of Women in Scotland From 1080 to 1980″, by Rosalind K Marshall (Marshall has also written some good introductory overviews on Scottish queens, on Mary of Guise, and on the women around Mary, Queen of Scots, though these last two are sixteenth century).

- Any of Alexander Fenton’s books on agricultural history- they don’t deal exclusively (or even mainly) with the medieval period, and they’re not the most up to date but they are still useful handbooks.

There are also lots of shorter academic articles on JSTOR and elsewhere, as well as online networks for things like Scottish Women’s History and Environmental History. 

The second step I would recommend is using biographies- biography is not always the most useful form of historical writing, but they do have their own benefits. For this time period most of the full book-length biographies of individuals are royal figures (though lots of other people are covered in academic articles).

For some figures it’s wise to have several biographies on hand since they’re well-known or controversial- for example, for Robert Bruce, you could start with an older bio like G.W.S. Barrows “Robert Bruce and the Community of the Realm of Scotland” and then supplement it with a more modern biography like that written by Michael Penman or by Colm McNamee. In other cases, a historical figure may not be quite so well known so jumping straight into an academic biography of them, which hops around and analyses expenditure and parliaments, may be a bit confusing- for example, for King James IV, it may be useful to start with R.L. Mackie’s (admittedly dated and a bit romantic) biography to get an idea of the structure of the king’s reign before diving into Norman MacDougall’s more scholarly biography.

Other biographies/overview of royal reigns include Richard Oram’s works on David I and Alexander II; D.D.R. Owen’s bio of William the Lion (this is an interesting one, since it’s written by a French professor rather than a straightforward historian so there’s a big focus on the importance of literature); Andrew Fisher’s bio of William Wallace; Stephen Boardman’s survey of the reigns of Robert II and Robert III; the two biographies of James I written by E.W.M. Balfour-Melville and Michael Brown; Christine McGladdery’s ‘James II’ and Norman McDougall’s ‘James III’; and Annie Dunlop’s biography of Bishop Kennedy.

Lastly once you feel you’ve got a bit of a grip on some secondary source material (or really, as soon as you like) I do recommend checking out some of the primary source material as soon as possible. A LOT of primary sources of medieval Scottish history were printed during the Victorian and Edwardian periods and now thanks to digitisation projects many of them are available online- from chronicles like those of Melrose, John of Fordun and Andrew Wyntoun (and useful English chronicles like Lanercost and Scalachronica); to acts of parliament and accounts of royal expenditure (Treasurer’s Accounts; Exchequer Rolls); to letters of the nobility and poetry. Personally, I find that you learn as much from working directly with the words of historical figures themselves, even if you’re untrained in source handling, as you would from a whole host of textbooks (also it lets you get used to the languages- Scots is straightforward enough to pick up even if you don’t have Latin or Gaelic). If you ever have trouble finding these let me know and I might be able to point you in the right direction. 

It is also worth bearing in mind that sixteenth century sources may shed a lot of light on earlier periods.

Anyway hopefully this helped but if you have any other questions please let me know and I will endeavour to reply quicker this time!

*One last disclaimer, the above list of texts is based purely on my own experiences and what my brain could remember quickly- it is not to reflect a bias or to promote these texts above the works of other historians. It is also not an exhaustive or comprehensive list (and some dearly beloved books are not included- but I tried to stick to simple overviews/textbooks and a few other interesting surveys).

And people are very welcome to add to this since there’s lots I’ve missed!

Lastly try to have a bit of fun with it. Some of these books are very informative but can drag at times- on those occasions I highly recommend taking a break and trying to get outside to a hill or a castle, or if you can’t do that try putting an old ballad on on youtube, and physically look at or listen to the thing you’re studying.

[starpeace]

perhaps one Din Djarin for the character ask? Also all your opinions on the other characters are extremely valid <3

my blog is just a scheme to trade opinions for validation so thank you for participating 💛 and for suggesting din! he’s so good

1: sexuality headcanon

hmm i guess bisexual? definitely would ship with both men and women

2: otp

i’m still on my din/cal nonsense and when we see cal kestis in the finale you’ll see. you’ll ALL see. no really i just think they’re neat and i will row this ship myself if i have to. my din/cal tag contains Good Content from talented people whose minds i have poisoned

3: brotp

i hope he has more screentime with boba and more good good mando solidarity. also just din with literally anyone who has kept their word with him. i just need people to be nice to him you know!! he’s straight up not having a good time

4: notp

din/ahsoka bad because ahsoka sucked in this show so you’d have to be real desperate. uhhh i can’t imagine any scenario where din being shipped with an imperial or ex-imperial would go well

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

still love the post i made abt how din is actually a nerd and loves learning things. that wasn’t a joke i stand by that. the niche language knowledge? the indepth knowledge of weaponry and ships including how to fix them himself? the attempt to teach his son science? he’s going to be one of those dads who’s very invested in his son’s learning and learns alongside him

6: favorite line from this character

“he means more to me than you will ever know.” who isn’t still losing their mind over this

7: one way in which I relate to this character

okay so i’m a christian and i know my experience is nothing like din’s, and i do try to avoid drawing comparisons because i’ve never experienced being part of a religious minority or one that functions in any way like din’s people. BUT it does mean a lot to me to see a character who’s so overtly religious and who has it actually affect his worldview rather than the usual very one-dimensional depictions of religion in fantasy/sci-fi worldbuilding. from both a personal and an audience perspective i just think that’s neat

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

not exactly secondhand embarrassment but secondhand anxiety. the scene where he has to take his helmet off hits SO hard it literally makes my skin crawl i feel so uncomfortable. i have never seen someone so visibly losing it without being able to say or do anything

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

he’s Good

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #396

“every time i leave, you say you won’t be there, & you’re always there”

So, is it gif with a hard G or soft G? I used to say "jif," but now I pronounce it as "gif." If you use libraries, what is the largest overdue fine you’ve ever had? *shrug* Do you ever borrow things other than books from the library? I remember back in the day, they used to offer educational computer games, and I bought a dinosaur one as a kid that I was madly obsessed with. Are there still any movie rental places left where you live? Just Redbox things outside of some stores. Do you ever buy secondhand books (or DVDs, video games, CDs)? Yeah; Ebay is my friend. Or do you prefer them to be brand new? I mean yeah, but it's not a massive deal to me so long the thing is operational or not falling apart. Do you ever write fanfic? Of what? Nah. Do you ever READ fanfic? Of what? Also nah. Do you have a favorite classical composer? No. Have you ever had multicolored/rainbow hair? No, but I would LOVE to. What kind of hats, if any, do you like to wear? I don't wear hats. What is your #1 deal-breaker with friendships? If you're manipulative, byyyyyeeeee~ Who is your favorite character on Bob’s Burgers and why? (If you watch it) I've seen some episodes, but I don't actually watch it. Have you ever had a retro celebrity crush? Like a crush on an “old” celebrity who was most famous a long time ago or is long dead? Audrey Hepburn, for one, is drop-dead GORGEOUS. When you buy/receive new clothes, do you instantly wear them or wash first? It depends on what I bought and where it's from. What’s the weirdest item you’ve seen for sale on Ebay? Idk. Are parents to blame for what their kids do on the Internet? No; kids make their own choices. I do, however, believe the parents should monitor what they do until they reach a certain degree of maturity, as well as the child's history with what they've done on the Internet. Do you use acronyms to remember things? Sometimes. Do you take pills like Tylenol for the littlest aches and pains? No. Only if I'm really in pain will I take Ibuprofen/Advil. Don’t you think Crocs are ugly? Big time. I don't know why they're in vogue now when they used to be so widely hated. When was the last time you went roller skating? Oh, it's been years. Who was your favorite Ninja Turtle? I was never into the franchise. Horror flicks make you: laugh, scream, or squirm? I prefer the ones that make you uneasy. I'm not a big fan of the nasty ones, and I want to feel on edge when I'm watching a horror film, but it's EXTREMELY rare I become legitimately scared. If you could become a doctor, what would you specialize in? Uhhhh. Maybe genetic disorders. What’s the cutest thing a little kid has ever said to/in front of you? I'm sure it was something my niece or nephew said, but I'm unsure of what. They've said many adorable things. Did any characters from TV shows scare you as a kid? Which one(s)? FUCKING KING RAMSES FROM COURAGE THE COWARDLY DOG. FUCK he gave me nightmares. What’s the saddest thing you’ve heard on the news recently? I was very saddened to hear about the giraffe that died giving birth. Do you believe that acupuncture works? I'm not educated enough on this subject. Have you ever been hypnotized? No, and I don't believe it's possible to be. What’s the first food you can smell when you enter the mall? The soft pretzels, omg. That little stand is my favorite part of our local mall. They make DELICIOUS pretzels. What is the worst hurt you’ve ever experienced? Jason leaving. Are huge muscles gross or sexy? Like serious body builders, it's gross to me. I prefer a natural musculature. Have you ever fished and caught something weird? I know I have, but what isn't coming to mind. Do you use an umbrella when it rains? Unless it is absolutely pouring, no. Do you like getting caught in the rain? No. What is the hardest part of cleaning for you? It requires physical exertion and I am INCREDIBLY weak with non-existent stamina. Do you have any fake flowers in your room? No. Do you own any succulents? No. What is your favorite thing about spring? The only thing I like about spring are all the flowers. What is something you find hard to draw? HANDS. UGH. Was it sunny for your senior prom pictures? Sigh. It was a beautiful sunset. I REALLY wish I didn't delete all those pictures from existence. Have you ever seen a double rainbow? I've seen like, a triple rainbow. What’s one thing you want to learn how to make? Your ordinary meals. I really want to be able to cook my own food from scratch. Do you have stomach issues? Maybe TMI, but it's been questioned but not fully examined that I may have IBS. My stomach is very sensitive. When was the last time you apologized and didn’t mean it? I'm not sure. Do you prefer to be the “talker” or the “listener” in a conversation? The listener. What’s a movie that you think everyone should see? Johnny Got His Gun. If you could have any hair color, what color would you want? Either pastel pink or light creamsicle orange. When was the last time you saw your “first love”? February of 2017. Who’s the smartest person you know personally? My best guy friend Girt. What makes them so smart? He's just very intelligent. Book-smart. Are there any bands/artists that get you all emotional? Ozzy. He and his music are so important to me. What’s your favourite aunt or uncle’s first name? Robert. Have you ever done a first aid course? No. What time do you generally wake up in the morning? It varies from like, 6:00-8:30ish. If you could have one superpower, what would it be? Definitely shapeshifting. I'd love to be a druid, man. Do you ever make surveys? If so, are they long or short? No, but I combine them because I don't like surveys that are too short by my standards. When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? Honestly, probably never. I love my current hairstyle, but I most certainly plan on dyeing it maaaany more times. As a child, what was your favorite game to play? I was hooked on the first three Spyro games. I would play 'em over and over. Do any of your siblings have significant others? Do you like them? My older sister is married, and I am NOT a fan of her husband. He's WAY too conservative and bigoted and racist and misogynistic, etc. etc. He's wonderful as a dad, like holy shit he loves his kids, but his beliefs are abhorrent. Dad's daughter is also married, and her husband is awesome. Mom's eldest daughter is also married, and her husband seems cool. My brother has a fiancee that I've never met. Do you believe in the concept of global warming? No fucking shit I do. It's impossible to logically deny, especially as the years go on. When was the last time you took a picture of something? Was it yourself? I took some pictures of this beautiful hydrangea bush outside the TMS office a few days ago. When drinking soda, do you prefer bottles or cans or poured in a glass? Cans, because it stays colder. Do you wear deodorant? Um, yes? If you had a pet pig, what would you name it? Probably something very unoriginal, like Wilbur. Do you like Led Zeppelin? I LOVE "Kashmir." "Stairway to Heaven" was madly important to me, but yeah... I can't listen to it anymore. Like seriously, I haven't in years. Do you like hugs? I do. Have you read the Constitution of the United States of America? Only the Bill of Rights for school. Do you have your own computer or use a family one? I have my own laptop. Do you take out the trash? Sometimes. Is there a calendar in the room you’re in? Outdated meerkat ones. What is your best friend’s name? Sara Jane. :') Have you ever seen a real-life cop chase? Maybe? What is your favorite shape? Circles. Are pigs adorable or dirty? They're precious! And pigs are actually a lot cleaner than people think, if they're not muddy. Anything moldy in your house? Not to my knowledge. Our old house had a serious mold problem, though, which is the primary reason we had to move. Especially with Mom having cancer at the time, she needed to be in the most sterile environment possible. Have you ever been in an earthquake? No. Do you enjoy history? No. Are you watching TV right now? No, but rather GameGrumps on YT. Could you ever be a mortician? True shit, it actually doesn't seem THAT bad. Can you solve a Rubik’s cube? Never seriously tried. How many pets do you have? Just two right now. Are you more close with your mom or dad? My mom. Who is the person that has impacted your life the most? Jason. Or Mom. Have you ever had a pet fish? Yeah. Poor things, they had terrible husbandry. I've learned a hell of a lot from a YouTuber/streamer that is like obsessed with fish about just how misinformed people are on how to take care of various fish. Your goldfish in that little bowl died for a reason, you know. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes. Do you prefer tea or coffee? Both suck. Have you ever vaped? No. How did your parents meet? They were co-workers. What was your first word? "Dada." Have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity? ... I mighta lmao. When was the last time you had Nutella? A long time ago. It reeeeaaaally needs to stay out of my house, because I will eat it straight out of the jar. Name someone with a sexy sounding voice. So I don't know where this was, but Mark was once credited in something as "if chocolate had a voice" and I was like YOU FUCKIN BET YOUR SWEET ASS.

[mbti-notes]

Anonymous asked: 

Hello. How to be a well-known and well-liked person at work?

Why do you want to know? What is your underlying motivation? When you approach personal learning and development without a clear or authentic intention, you are liable to stumble badly and get unpleasant results. Your question includes a lot of confused thinking, which is a major part of the problem.

I used to think that knowledge and working hard are the only things necessary for success at work. I haven't had a career yet. but I hear from others that other factors and office politics are also involved. Good comunication and social skills, being liked by coworkers and bosses for example. There are people who join a workplace/college and after a short time, they know almost everyone and everyone knows them, trusts and loves them. Bosses like and respect them, don't want replace them, etc.

You seem to “think” a lot of things. And to what end exactly? Do you enjoy “thinking” yourself into a pit of worry? You don’t possess any meaningful experience, yet you still claim to “know” things based only on some imaginings and secondhand information. This kind of speculation is problematic, a bad cognitive habit that should be stopped, because it is counter-productive to learning and growth. You are misinterpreting the few facts that you’re hearing. Yes, it is a fact that some people are good at socializing, but what does that mean for YOU? Does it mean that you have to be just like them? Yes, good social skills are required to succeed in some work environments? But all of them? Don’t jump to conclusions so quickly. You can’t seem to tell the difference between a fact and your own faulty interpretations of the fact.

Do you believe that you can become a good footballer by listening to people talk about how to play or describe their impressions of a few matches they watched? Secondhand information is subjective and anecdotal. You take the few facts that were presented and then you stitch together an elaborate narrative of some abstract “workplace” that you believe represents ultimate reality. This is very poor reasoning. In the end, you construct a very distorted view of the world and become blinded by faulty or oversimplified beliefs about how the world works. All this before having even stepped out the door, so to speak.

While I like to have that, I don't have the energy or skills for that as an introvert. I don't know how to start a good conversation or get people to like me, trust me and open up to me. I would naturally want to get the job done and go home. I'm not really interested in people's lives. meeting with more than seven people or going somewhere crowded gives me social anxiety and sensory overload. and Idk what is ok to say/ask in convos. Idk if I should be friendly or professional with bosses, supervisors and coworkers. or what behavior is ok or too much.

If you want to learn, then learn. There are lots of resources available out there. If you don't want to learn, then don't. It's your choice to make, as it's your life to live. DO YOU OR DO YOU NOT WANT TO LEARN? I can’t help you if you are stuck in contradiction and talking out of both sides of your mouth, saying that you both want but don’t want (i.e. unaware of who you really are or what you really want). How are you ever going to get motivated when you can’t commit to any particular desire/goal/direction?

If you suffer from severe social anxiety, get professional help for it. Social skills can be learned, just like learning how to play football by actually playing it though hours of practice. If you want to learn any worthwhile skill, you must put in time and effort to study and practice repeatedly, to get better gradually - it is certainly tiring - no pain, no gain. Is feeling “tired” the end of the world? You seem to believe that it is for some strange reason, which means that you’re not willing to put in the work? If you’re not willing to work hard, that is the end of the story. 

So I just stay safe, overly formal, independent and polite. I prefer to be alone. During long hours of college or socializing, I stay quiet and anxious, get headaches and feel dizzy/confused. And I'm not on any social media because I don't care about the pictures people post about family, pets, celebs. I'm also not assertive and I'm afraid of drama or ppl hurting/using me.

"Stay safe" is the key phrase. Generally speaking, an excessive desire for safety is rooted in emotional problems, often stemming from painful memories and/or traumatic experiences. Until you resolve the emotional problems that keep you stuck and resistant against venturing outside your comfort zone, you won’t be able to grow as a person. The heavier the emotional baggage you’re unconsciously dragging around, the more “tiring” the learning process is, because there are too many self-inflicted psychological obstacles holding you back. 

Instead of facing up to your emotional problems, you’d rather entertain useless speculation about imaginary workplaces and people you haven’t met yet, making yourself more and more scared (in order to justify isolation)? It’s quite easy to speculate and imagine all the possible threats out there in the world. It’s hard to examine the reality of how much you fear being hurt and how the fear twists your perception of reality. You keep taking the easy road and then wonder why you never get anywhere. DO YOU OR DO YOU NOT WANT TO CHANGE? Once again, I can’t help you if you are stuck in contradiction and talking out of both sides of your mouth, saying that you both like and don’t like how you are (i.e. unaware of who you really are or what you really want). I only help people who are fully committed to change.

I already know the consequences of being the way I am.

I’d argue that you don't understand - another example of thinking that you “know” when you really don’t. You've emphasized that you prefer to be alone, which means that you LIKE the consequences - your feelings tell the true story. You don't perceive the consequences as being negative, so why would you change your behavior? If you like isolation, isolate. Why not just “be yourself” and live the life that you want? Who says that you have to be anything but what you are? Why do you even care about any of this “social” stuff (that you also claim to not care about)? Why pressure yourself to be something that you’re not? If you put the pressure on yourself, then you take it off at any time.

But “being yourself”, if you’re doing it properly, won’t lead you into an unhealthy tertiary loop, so you’re not doing it properly, are you? If you’re not ready to leave your loop, don’t. Keep pretending that you’re “staying true” to your antisocial self, keep enjoying the safety of isolation, until you can’t live in denial anymore. That’s how most people have to play out their tertiary loop. 

One day, when you’ve had enough, you may realize that your desire for isolation isn’t actually “staying true” to who you are and what you want. One day, you may realize that “staying true to yourself” was just an excuse, that you don’t really know yourself at all, and that your self-image has been nothing but a twisted little ball of fear all along. In other words, right now, your idea of “being yourself” is actually just being a scared little puppy that hides from every loud noise - is this what you really are and want to be? Is there nothing more to you than fear? Do you want to spend your entire life under the spell of the irrational fears you have conjured up to protect your comfort zone?

I need your help. How can I develop interest in people? How can I have more energy to socialize? How can I gain social skills and get people to like me, trust me, open up with me and let me in? (without being fake or pushy?).

Very simple: You have to care about more than just yourself and your own safety and comfort. But this is impossible if you leave your fear unaddressed and it continues to hijack your whole mindset. When you live in fear, you are all too willing to believe that people are bad and the world is terrible (based on selective evidence gathering), only looking out for yourself and your own feelings, which, in the end, amounts to starting every relationship in an extreme state of defensiveness and self-centeredness. A person needs to know you to like you, and how would they know you when you are emotionally closed-off and obviously hostile to their advances, when all you show them is coldness? A positive relationship should be built through the connection of two open and trusting hearts. Cynicism about people or society is merely a convenient cover that allows fearful or helpless people to feel safe/superior, but only in their own mind. Living in a coffin, worrying or complaining about the outside world without ever venturing out, is surely safe emotionally. But nothing ever happens there, does it? You’ve put yourself in there because you’re scared, which means that it’s up to you to own your fear and step out anyway.

How can I maintain relationships?

By putting in the time and effort to build your social skills and learn through firsthand relationship experiences. By taking the time to care about something other than yourself. Even psychopaths manage to care about the people closest to them. Is the problem that you can’t care or that you won’t care? If it’s a problem of won’t, why won’t you? 

Relationship skills aren’t something that can be summarized in one paragraph, especially if you have a lot of dysfunctional relationship habits to unlearn. I've already recommended many relevant books on the resources list. Are you a good learner? From what you’ve said, I suspect that you have trouble learning or accepting advice because you always think that you know better and/or have an excuse ready to rebut good advice? If you’re serious about learning, then devote yourself fully to studying and practicing.

How can I learn office politics? How can I make my bosses like/trust me without seeming fake?

"Office politics" is not what you believe it is - dismantle your faulty fearful beliefs. Every workplace is just a group of people, made up of various individuals, some of them not too different from you. The quality of a group depends on the quality of the individuals and what they contribute to it collectively, and this varies quite widely from group to group and the size of it. If you contribute negativity, you influence others to be negative. If you contribute positivity, you influence others to be positive. But you don’t care about how you affect others because you don’t even recognize that you have any power to affect anything due to your fear, passivity, and helplessness. All you care about is whether you get paid? Work has no other benefit or purpose besides monetary compensation?

Some of the surest signs of having poor social skills include:

mindreading: presuming to know what people think/feel with little to no evidence; grossly misinterpreting people’s intentions/behavior due to fear, insecurity, anxiety, or overactive imagination

prejudice: making blanket/overgeneralized judgments about individuals, groups, or society based on very selective “facts” or superficial characteristics; unable to treat people as individuals to be dealt with in an adaptable case-by-case basis

self-centeredness: compulsively resorting to inauthentic and/or defensive behavior to manipulate social situations for personal reward/comfort; unable to understand situations from other people’s point of view

You suffer all three problems. You are quick to assume that people have ill-intentions. You like to divide people up into these or those “kinds” of people. You only care about people in terms of whether they make you feel good/bad and inexplicably refuse to care about their perspective. 

A healthy relationship should be mutually satisfying in order to establish a sense of connectedness. A healthy relationship should be mutually beneficial in order to establish a sense of equality. A healthy relationship should include mutual caring and sharing in order to establish intimacy. Why would anyone want to enter a relationship with you if you make them feel uneasy, unsatisfied, and uncared for? Would you want to enter a relationship with you? If you’re a terrible friend, you’ll feel undeserving of friendship, because, deep down, you believe that you don’t deserve any kindness for never giving any kindness to anyone. If you want good friendships, you must first be a good friend. If you’re not willing to open up emotionally to care for people, that is the end of the story. 

How can I make sure people don't see me as a good target to hurt, use or gossip about?

What is the source of your paranoia? Why is your first stance towards the social world one of negativity, fear, mistrust, suspicion, attack-and-defense? If you’ve been hurt before and that’s why you’re scared, then address that problem.  Serious questions: Have you ever known LOVE? Have you ever known a caring, supportive, empathetic, and intimate relationship with someone? If you haven’t, for whatever reason, then you have a lot to learn about relationships. But going around pretending that you already know how people are (out to get you) and how the social world works (to victimize you) is not going to help you learn. You won’t learn if you already presume to know.

I haven't had a job yet. but I'm honestly afraid of having a career for these reasons.

You can’t prepare for every situation in life. No amount of mental preparation is going to eliminate your fear when the fear itself is always left unaddressed. Go out into the world, live your life, learn from your experiences. That's how life goes. But you don't want to live in real life, do you? You prefer living in your own imagination, pretending to know what the world is like without proper breadth of experience?

"Afraid" is the key word. Are you really ready to confront your fear? I don't think you are yet because you are still talking about how nice it is to be safely protected by tertiary loop. No one can force you to let go of your faulty beliefs when you depend on them so much for safety. You overthink and overanalyze, speculate and imagine, turn human beings into abstractions, convince yourself that you “know” when you really don’t... all for what? It is all a defense mechanism that keeps you trapped within yourself, ruminating in circles. It's all just meant to hide the fact that you are afraid, helpless, and willfully ignorant (in twisting the facts). The solution to fear is to actively confront it. The solution to helplessness is mastering the appropriate social and emotional skills. The solution to willful ignorance is humility: let go of what you think you know so that you can finally start to learn fresh.

[mizutina]

As someone who has been collecting manga since their early teens, many discussions never really reached my ears until I joined the community itself in the last few years. By many years, I mean late 2003/early 2004, I may have had a few times where I've stopped due to severe depressive episodes and financial strife due to being a young teen with no funds. So I know what it is like to long for manga but not being able to afford it brand new and having to stoop to scans and secondhands or borrowing off friends who can afford just a bit more.

Through the years, I accepted what the companies gave but after a while, you know what you want from what you buy, so I stopped being silent. What came from it, was something one could align with the sense of regret. A few years back I've even stopped reading scans unless it's to see if it's a series I really want and read no further than 3 chapters to decide. Any that I do want either goes on a list or enter the cart until payday. Sometimes, some even get bought in a heartbeat but again, it took me years to get to this stage where I can do that, have space for my series and even gain the confidence to share what I love but even then, some people don't like that and that's fine, it's their choice.

Don't get me wrong, a side doesn't regret making the amazing friends I now have but it regrets being so involved to the extent that I am classed as a villainess for asking for prints, since it's considered cancelling a company saying that I would rather have a printed copy over bits of data, especially for the insane prices they ask for and the lack of reassurance that it is as eternally as my copies seem to be, since if they take the digital away if the server or company goes bust.

I am the bad one for being apart of a chat group with people who love the things I do and have the hide to comment about things that make us unhappy, especially about companies and their lack of variety, especially for shojo. We also don't favour digital, which is our choice since it's our money we are spending. It is why I now keep comments sweet and simple when "nagging" for titles I'd love to see in print and not shit all over series even if it is pandering to lolicon fans, which is a sin to point out in the animanga community cause "it's a cartoon, it won't hurt anyone" or "age is just a number", which is a very telling sign about what kinds of people they are.

But that's a community, not everyone will get along nor share opinions that is on par to your own. Unless you have this obscene view of yourself being some sort of manga master which allows you to shit on others, insult them and basically shoving their opinion as facts, this is where the first two parts of my title comes in, the final part being the first thing I've talked about heh. Then again, these same people believe they are some sort of knowledge head or insider into these companies when, at best, they are hardcore fans that believe anything someone actually in the company says, even if the figures are cherry picked to all hell. I mean, come on guys, just cause you are given free copies doesn't make you any more special. You just supporting the company a bit less in order to promote in hopes that enough people buy to cover the fact the company sent out possibly 20 copies to other people like you and chip in for you getting one free instead of doing the right thing by BUYING THEIR OWN COPY TO SUPPORT THE INDUSTRY THEY ARE SO IN LOVE WITH, but oh well, they are above that apparently, they can do and say as they wish.

Like one says, do as I say not as I do.

So a few weeks ago, some dumbarses believe that secondhand buying and selling of a legally bought product is piracy. Anyone with half a brain and a search engine can prove otherwise. The other reason they claim is that it doesn't give back to the creators and company. Yes, that is correct but not everyone can buy new, not everyone has access to new series or even stores that stock series. Also, some companies have deemed some series either out of print (OOP) or the company is now defunct.

In that case, secondhand is the only option. Unlike some people, I'll admit to buying secondhand, my reasoning's are simple. I can't get some series due to OOP, cheaper as a bundle and, most importantly to me anyway, I rather they sell it to me than throw it away, it's better for the environment that way.

Sure, who knows what they will do with my cash but that's not my problem. I bought a manga from them that they legally bought. Just like when someone borrows from the library, they bought it and lend it to people, in some cases, depends on how many people borrow it, they give funds towards procuring more manga, which means the industry is still supported.

When some people start buying mangas, they usually start secondhand, find the series for them and then usually buy new ones, so in the end, they end up becoming a new consumer for the industry. For example, when I sell some mangas, I end up buying new ones cause I like to keep up with my pre-orders, I like being up to date and I love buying new series that fascinate me, I no longer buy for the sake of buying.

Then we have the selling aspect, since buying is piracy, so would selling right? apparently if the dumbarses do it themselves, it's fine, you just happen to be the bad guy buying from them as they possibly spend the buyers money on new mangas while pointing fingers and blaming others for the "piracy" that they basically contributed in.

Fun fact: don't go spouting off about buying new manga and saying buying second-hand is piracy when you both buy and sell mangas secondhand, you look foolish and defeats the purpose of the whole argument. Also, buy manga secondhand if the creator did a crime is okay but when you ask how bad the crime must be in order for it to be allowed, reflect by being a douche, totally helps the argument by reminding people how incredibly stupid your opinion really is.

My opinion? if you don't like what the creator did and don't want to support them, buy secondhand or don't bother with the series. Maybe buy the series, who knows, it's up to you. I'd support purely on the fact that other people put in their time and hard work into it and they deserve to have that acknowledgment, the scummy person can go eat a cold one for all I care, I don't think others should suffer for one criminal. Also, if they did pay for the crime, then power to them, as long as they learned from it, that deserves some respect.

Moral of the story; Secondhand is a very grey area, many start there and you should be praising them for buying legal copies, it will help them feel accepted and eventually buy more from their local stores and online. Bullying them for buying secondhand only makes them leave and not support the industry. Also, just don't be a gate-keeping dick. Manga is meant to be fun, being in a community is meant to be fun. Be fun with new collectors, help raise them up.

Now, recently, I saw another dumbarse mention Manga Hoarding or Manga Collecting cause apparently making videos showing hauls may be toxic and a form of hoarding.

Fun fact: hoarding and collecting are the two sides of the same coin. It's all about perspective.

One could say my large collection is hoarding. I would say I'm a collector and I love showing, sharing my collection with people in hopes that they may one day buy the series that I mention and love them as much as I do.

Also, this is also a money issue for some people, having a lot means having a lot of money. 1. Who cares about that, it's not your money they are spending. It's theirs. 2. If we use my hauls as an example, mine are large due to two reasons: I pre-order new series and bundle buy older series secondhand at a bargain price. It's a way to both show interest to companies when pre-ordering and it helps someone get rid of something you want, also to explore things you probably wouldn't think of buying. 3. What's it to anyone when it comes to how much someone has? It's got nothing, unless they are putting their own cash into that person, otherwise sit down and shut the hell up.

IMO, manga hauls are as toxic as someone perceives it to be. Me, like many others, enjoy seeing what others have and makes you think about what they have that you may end up wanting. This is where you ask the person about the series and, tied with piracy topic, you may end up buying the series which helps support the industry. Also, some people collect vast amount of mangas cause they love it, it helps them and should not be shamed for what they love. If you shame others, then you're a dick.

Which, like I said earlier or if I didn't say it clearly, these dumbarses who believe they are elitist, wants people to support the industry that they love so much but sometimes refuse to do themselves. Like mate, you say one thing but shit on people doing their best to support the industry their own way. You can't have the cake and eat it too, stop doing shit like this, keep a solid opinion and don't do shit that points out what a giant hypocrite you are.

But why use logic, that be too hard, right? Well, to me, it seems like people want drama, a reason to ostracise people from their Utopian community. It's quite unfair on people, telling them how to be a collector when it just feels like foolish projections.

Sure, I'm projecting a bit here, feeling their opinions of stupid people when I feel like it's more about how foolish and childish it all seems, how it feels like they just don't think further than "people should be like me and if they ain't, they are the toxic part of the community" which is not a healthy view to have.

Wooow, indeed I have written quite a bit about these topics which are so dear to me, especially as someone who has been supporting silently for years until recently. All the topics I have spoken about is basically something that can't be seen as black or white like the elitist pushes so hard since it's all grey area and to do with perspective.

I shall give it a rest now and read some manga, since that's what someone with a healthy habit does when they are taking a break. Heh.

[lswritingdesk]

7. Furling

When Kyrie fell asleep that night, she felt the familiar pull of the Dreamscape. She entered curiously. It had been a while since she had felt compelled to enter the Dreamscape the way she had felt compelled to enter the Fragment. 

When she exited the vines covering her side of the garden, she could see that Daniel was already waiting for her in the centre of it. He was smiling at her in a way that made her slightly uncomfortable. 

“This is new,” she commented, gesturing to the garden. “Summoning me here instead of to your base.”

“I went to sleep with your rock in my hand,” Daniel said with a cocky grin. “It worked.”

“I can see that,” Kyrie replied. “Why is it that you summoned me?”

“I’ve just come from an interesting place. I know what you are,” Daniel said. Kyrie tried not to freeze on his words. “We went to a planet that once was the meeting place of four great races. We recognised the writing of the Nox and the Asgard. There was a third writing, that we called the Ancients. And then there was a fourth, indecipherable except for the name of the race. The Furlings. You. You’re a Furling.”

Kyrie contemplated her response. Elder Rhea couldn’t very well blame her for revealing something Daniel Jackson had deduced on his own. “And you came to this deduction all on your own?”

“It makes sense. You said you had an alliance with the Asgard, you knew of the Nox, you withdrew from the galaxy. You. Are. A. Furling. You are a being of the fourth race.”

“I can’t very well deny it after you put it all together,” Kyrie said at last. 

“But why? Why be so secretive? Why withdraw from the universe?”

“When the Ancients left, and the Goa’uld began to crop up, and the Replicators began to threaten the Asgard...we decided that it was best to withdraw completely. We grounded all of our interstellar ships. The shipyards are rusting, before you ask. We closed off all of our colonies. We cloaked Illyria. For all intents and purposes, we disappeared. It was for our own protection.”

“But you could be helping the Asgard in their fight against the Replicators right now! You could have prevented the Goa’uld from rising to power if you had stayed.”

“I cannot and will not make excuses for my Elders or predict what we could have done. What we could be doing. It’s not my place. I am a Scholar, Daniel, not an Elder, not even an Elder to be. My sacred geometry did not predict that. I cannot simply criticise my governing body like you are asking me to do.” Kyrie’s voice sounded thick. 

“But you’re a Seer, and you said Seers had the power to guide-“

“Not that kind of power,” she responded uncomfortably. For once, Kyrie wanted to be the one with her head in her hands. “Look, I’m uncomfortable with some of the things I am directed to do, I admit. I did not want to conceal things from you. There are things I must yet conceal. I must ask you not to reveal what I am, should the occasion arise that I finally introduce myself to others of your kind. And I ask the Alchemy that you do not fall into the hands of a Goa’uld or other enemy who finds out of our existence from you…” Kyrie sighed. 

“I’m...sorry. I did not think of that. That the Goa’uld could have learned of you through me if…”

“By the Alchemy, it will never come up. But you must understand that our situation has become more complicated now. You cannot tell the Asgard of me, either, understand. It is very important...you must…the journey you are on right now is one that you must take alone with the Asgard for now. I- we- cannot help. Yet.”

“Well, that at least makes sense.”

“It does?” Kyrie asked, genuine surprise in her voice. 

“Yes. We must prove ourselves to the other races one at a time. We probably couldn’t handle two at a time. So yes, it makes sense.” 

“Oh. I will still be here, of course. I can answer questions- probably more, now that you know what I am. I just can’t offer you the aide you seek.”

“If you had just told me from the start, this would have been so much simpler.” Kyrie sighed. 

“Perhaps. Perhaps it would have been harder. It would have been nice if the Fragment had shown me this,” Kyrie said. 

“Not omnipotent, eh?” Daniel said with a smirk. 

“I never claimed to be,” Kyrie said, an edge to her voice. “Visions in the Fragment offer guidance, and then I must interpret that guidance to offer my own guidance.”

“So I’m getting secondhand guidance, is what you’re saying?”

“If you want to put it that way, yes. I would never lie to you outright.”

“But you would, as you say, conceal things from me.”

“I was ordered to. Surely there are things that you are ordered to do yourself that you do not like?”

“Yes, but-”

“Then you must respect that I have aspects of my life that are much the same. You and I are not that much different, Daniel Jackson.”

“You’re an alien with the power to see beyond and see my future, but if you want to call us ‘not that different’, sure, go ahead.”

“It is comments like that that make the Asgard and my Elders make comments of their own that allude to your race as children. You are one of the better of your kind. I expected better of you.”

“That was harsh.”

“That was the truth.”

“I’m glad I know what you are. I can learn so much from you.”

“If you could see it, you would see that I was rolling my eyes at you.”

“I still don’t fully understand the veil. Our conversations would make so much more sense if I were able to see your facial expressions. When others of your society veil, are their veils aways so opaque, or is that just a Seer thing?”

“I’m going to regret you knowing that I’m a Furling. You should just save your questions and live with us for a Cycle.”

“I’d rather know now.” Kyrie sighed.

“No, the veils are not always opaque. My mother veils because she likes it, but she wears sheer blue veils that match her outfits. And hers aren’t electronic like mine is. My eyes were damaged by the Fragment the first time I went into it. I can adjust how much light enters my field of vision with an electronic veil so that I can properly see. Seers wear opaque veils because our eyes are...unsettling to most.”

“In what way?”

“If you were a Furling child, I would demand an apology for nosiness.”

“But I’m not a Furling child.”

“No, you are a Scholar, and I am in a deep hole with you. When my eyes were damaged, they became an opaque, milky white. It is the Mark of the Seer. Most people don’t want to see that, so we veil.”

“That seems a little unfair to you.”

“It is the way we have lived for thousands of Cycles. I do not mind it. Besides, I get away with a lot of facial expressions that I would otherwise have to make apologies for were I not veiled, because I am terrible at masking my emotions. I was constantly having to apologise for them as a child.”

“I take it apologies are big in your society? You’ve mentioned having to make public ones before.”

“Ah yes, for the swimming clothes and the public rudeness. That was...not fun. My mother shrieked at me over the holoscreen for my indecency despite my explanation. Yes. We are an ultra-polite society. There are standard apologies for most everything. Your Colonel will offend a great many of us when he comes to visit. I do not need a Vision to know that.” Daniel chuckled at this.

“He offends a great many people on our world as well. It’s kind of his thing.”

“Mmm. I advise you to do the bulk of the talking on your official visit here.”

“And you won’t give me a hint of when that might be?”

“You know me better than that by now, Daniel.”

“It was worth a try.”

“If we stay here talking, will our bodies experience actual rest?”

“Not entirely, so no, I will not let you keep me here the entire time to answer your questions. Besides, time passes differently in the Dreamscape than in the real world, never mind the differences between Illyria and Earth. I do have a job and a life, as do you. They will come searching for me if I do not appear on time, and though my Krewe leader is somewhat understanding of my...situation, I do not wish to overstep my boundaries with them. I’ve already fainted once on the worksite and left early another time.”

“Your work, do you enjoy it?”

“Immensely. Our forebears are fascinating. They did not use the Fragment or Seers to guide their lives as we do now. Learning about them and adding to the body of knowledge is quite satisfying.”

“I know what you mean. I’ve been to dozens of worlds now, and we’ve learned so much about Earth cultures just from visiting other worlds- it has been amazing. Some worlds are like living museums. I wish I could spend more time studying, but unfortunately my team is assigned to do a lot more than just study.”

“You will have your fill of studying one day, Daniel.”

“Another Vision of my future?”

“No, just a hunch. Everyone retires from active roles in their own time to do research, at least on Illyria. I suspect it’s the same on Earth.”

“Why isn’t the Seer destined to bring the Tau’ri to Illyria an Earth scholar instead?”

“That would be too easy. We have Earth scholars. There are more Furlings than you think on Earth monitoring different Timelines and ensuring that events happen as planned.”

“That’s a little…interventionist.”

“We’re all over the universe. It’s what we’ve always done. As soon as Lakme and Lakira charted the stars, we were out there, in the universe, doing what we did best.”

“But I thought you said your ancestors didn’t follow the Fragment or Seers?”

“They didn’t, not at first. They didn’t understand the Fragment for a long time. But there was just this innate sense of knowing among our people of how to guide civilisations or people or places along the right path without fully getting involved.”

“For millennia, leading right up to you.”

“Leading right up to me.”

“I suppose this is where I should stop asking questions and let you go with grace.”

“Perhaps for now. I have answered many of your questions tonight without very much ducking about the subject. You should be glad.”

“I am. Thank you for not ducking my questions tonight.”

“Thank you for not dragging me into the Fragment. The Dreamscape is a far kinder place to meet. Stay well. We will meet again soon.”

“I hope so. You stay well, too.”

--

@luckyninetales

[mobius-prime]

69. Knuckles the Echidna #1

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The Dark Legion (Book One): Army of Darkness

Writers: Ken Penders and Kent Taylor Pencils: Manny Galan and Andrew Pepoy Colors: Karl Bollers

We've finally come to the first long-running companion series of the comic, the Knuckles the Echidna comic! I'm really excited for this one, honestly. I've talked about it before, but I know that tons of people hate Ken Penders, not just because of the whole copyright controversy that necessitated the reboot of the series, but also just because they find his writing bland, uninteresting, contrived, etc. While I will concede that certainly some of his writing comes off as… eh, unskilled and stilted, I did still find myself enthralled by the worlds he created when given the chance to work on his own project - namely, this series. In exploring the Knuckles comic, I hope that I can at least get readers of these analyses to understand why I enjoy it so much, and what exactly I'm getting out of it, and maybe pass on some of this passion to others who didn't like this series at first, in much the same way that I've done for others concerning Sonic '06 (which anyone who knows me will know I have an unbridled passion for).

So something worth noting right off the bat, actually - this issue, and the two issues after it, were in fact not intended to be the first three issues of a side series at all! They were originally branded simply as "Knuckles: The Dark Legion," something you'll probably notice if you look at the cover. From what I've heard, the three-part miniseries was so popular that Kenders was able to continue it on in a full-blown Knuckles companion series spanning thirty-two issues, simply rebranding these original three issues as the first three issues of the companion series after the fact.

Anyway, enough rambling from me. Intro page time! This one is maybe the most cryptic and weird so far - I mean, it's relevant to the story, talking about learning from the past and that younger generations build their knowledge on the back of the older generations, which is all true, but it's a bit strange sitting at the front of a Sonic - sorry, Knuckles - comic. Either way though, it notes how Knuckles has learned from his experiences with Enerjak, and how he's about to have to face new challenges. This issue and the two after it are quite interesting, actually, since at the same time we're following Knuckles in the present, we also get another window into the past, one that begins to explain what we're seeing unfold in the here and now. Parallels are drawn between Knuckles and those of the past between panels, by their poses and backgrounds, a really cool art design choice if you ask me.

The issue begins as Knuckles' father, still secretly observing everything from his secret base, gets an alarm alerting him of a sudden, mysterious invasion of the island by someone he refers to as the "Dark Legion" (hey, title drop already!). He can't just sit by and leave Knuckles to deal with this on his own, so he sends a telepathic message to Archimedes with whom Knuckles is currently hanging out, because hey, they can apparently just perform telepathy with each other now.

Forgive me if the issue jumps around a little bit from here - it honestly flows better when you read it than when it's described secondhand. We flash back to the "council rejects Dimitri and Edmund's proposal" scene from the last miniseries, only this time, we're seeing it from a different perspective - the sons of the respective scientists, sitting in the stands to watch the proceedings. Menniker, the son of Dimitri, and Steppenwolf, son of Edmund, basically share their parents' disappointment in the council's ruling. Also, can I just say like… Penders, what's up with these names man? I mean, Steppenwolf? Archimedes? They get even weirder from here too, and like, I guess I can't judge whatever names he wants to give his own characters, but they're so weird and out of place compared to names like Knuckles and Mighty. I get you don't necessarily want to name everyone after some cheesy noun that describes an aspect of their personality, but still, how many kids reading this even knew that "Archimedes" wasn't pronounced "archie-meeds" or something? Eh, whatever.

Anyway, in the present Knuckles and Archimedes set out to investigate Archimedes' mysterious "bad feeling" (aka telepathic message from absent papa) and discover an entire army roaming the forest - soldiers in robes piloting hovercraft, robots with heat sensors, giant tanks, and they're all clearly looking for something. Flash back to the past again, and we've already jumped ahead to Edmund and the council members' escape from Mount Fate after Dimitri's supposed death. Steppenwolf is overjoyed to see his kidnapped father alive and well, but Menniker, well…

Yeah. Not such great news for him, poor kid.

Back to the present! Knuckles and Archimedes realize that the army is picking them up on their sensors, and spend some time teleporting around and darting among the trees to avoid detection, certain that being found by these guys would only spell trouble. But as tense as this is, the really interesting stuff is happening in the past. We finally get to see what exactly happened when the government tried to put into place the whole technology ban thing, after Dimitri went crazy. Apparently, while the measure did indeed get a majority vote from the populace, there are obviously people who don't want to give up their precious tech. Edmund is stuck dealing with the more stubborn individuals, but Steppenwolf has an easier time of it, visiting Menniker who only too happily hands his own stuff over. I think this scene is meant to take place like, at least a year or two, probably a little bit more, after the whole Dimitri debacle, as the cousins seem a bit older here. As we see, however, Menniker's acquiescence isn't exactly fueled by obedience to the law…

Uh oh. Don't tell me this kid is trying to follow in his father's footsteps…

In the meantime, conflict between Knuckles and Archimedes and the pursuing army becomes inevitable, as there's just no more room to hide, so they elect to take a bit more of an aggressive approach.

Archimedes, seriously? Or rather, Kenders, seriously? You don't need to use Archimedes as a mouthpiece to compliment yourself on the new catchphrase you're giving Knuckles, man. These comics are already 90s enough!

In the past, things are heating up as well. Steppenwolf has apparently started getting wind of rebellion amongst his people, and brings his fears to his father, who merely blows him off. In response, Steppenwolf takes matters into his own hands, following a shady figure in a robe to a rally, only to find an entire crowd of similarly-dressed shady echidnas who appear on the edge of revolt about the technology decision. He's spotted, and forced to make a run for his life.

In the present, Knuckles and Archimedes meet up with the rest of the Chaotix, who happily join in the fight against the mysterious army. As formidable as the Chaotix are, however, six guys are really no match for the soldiers, and they have to beat another hasty retreat. Things go about as well for Steppenwolf in the flashback, as he jacks a hovercraft from the crowd only for it to be shot down, leaving a smoking wreck in an alley, and his fate unknown…

Unfortunately, Knuckles' luck is at an end. He and the others are finally cornered by the army and taken prisoner.

However, that's not quite the end. Who exactly is leading this army, you may ask? Why, it's this handsome fella!

Oh yeah, he looks trustworthy for sure! Yeah, you probably figured it out by now (if you hadn't read these issues before that is) - these guys are the descendants of those rebels from the flashback. But considering Knuckles still believed himself to be the last - or one of the last, anyway - echidnas, where did this entire army of ancient troublemakers come from? Guess we'll have to find out…

[eldritchsurveys]

554.

What's your name, or what would you prefer to be called? >> I just want to say real quick that this blog has 73 followers for some godawful reason, and only like... 15 of them at most seem to be survey takers. Aside from Jay, what are the rest of y’all doing here. It’s getting weird. Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, my name is Mordred.

How old are you? >> 32.

When's your birthday? >> 28 May.

How would you describe your appearance? >> I wouldn’t describe my appearance. I have no reason to.

What's your style of choice (clothing-wise)? >> I like goth shit and band t shirts. Mostly I just wear a lot of black.

Do you have a significant other? >> I have several.

What's your level of education? >> I graduated high school.

What is your passion in life? >> I don’t think I have a general “passion” that somehow guides my life choices.

Do you have a big or small family? >> I have no family.

Are you political at all? If so, what do you classify as? >> I’m not political, no. 

Are you religious at all? If so, what religion do you practice? >> My relationship with religiosity is complicated.

Do you know your sexuality or are you still exploring? If you know your sexuality, what is it? >> My sexuality is like a quantum thing. When I’m forced to observe it for the sake of others, it collapses into something like “asexual”. But that really doesn’t tell you anything about me and my relationship to sexuality, does it.

Do you have any illnesses or disorders (physical or otherwise)? >> If I do have any disorders, I’ll let that be someone else’s job to figure out.

What's your favorite drink (non-alcoholic or otherwise)? >> I like a lot of drinks, idk.

What's your favorite movie genre? >> Horror or space epic, I guess.

Is your favorite movie from your favorite genre? >> The Fountain is neither a horror movie nor a space epic. I’d call it “existential fantasy”. Maybe.

What's your favorite book genre? >> I don’t have one.

Is your favorite book from your favorite genre? >> ---

What are your favorite foods to have for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? >> I like to eat veggie burgers for breakfast. I don’t have any preference for the others.

What's your favorite color? >> Gold.

What's your favorite letter and number? >> V, 19.

What's your favorite thing to study or learn about? >> I have several, but one is death (from either a philosophical or a practical perspective).

What's your favorite website? >> I don’t know.

Do you use your favorite website more often than other sites? >> ---

What's your favorite dessert? Do you prefer sweet or savory ones? >> I don’t have a favourite dessert, but in general I’m not crazy about sweet things.

What's your favorite mode of transportation? >> ---

Do you take that mode of transportation more than other modes? >> ---

Do you have any physical illnesses? >> No.

Do you have any mental illnesses? >> If so, I’ll let someone else name them. I’m done with trying to understand myself from a diagnostic standpoint.

Do you take your health (physical or otherwise) seriously? >> Sure. But not too seriously.

Do you try to eat well? >> I do, by my standards.

Do you try to get enough exercise? >> No.

Do you try to get enough sleep? >> Yes.

Do you wash your hands as often as you should? >> I wash my hands after I use the bathroom or touch anything that leaves a residue. To me, that’s as often as I should.

Do you take any medications (prescription or otherwise)? >> No.

Do you routinely visit your doctor? >> No.

Do you routinely visit your dentist? >> No.

Do you frequently get sick (colds, viruses, or the flu)? >> No.

Do you try to help others be more health-conscious? >> No.

Do you try to maintain a healthy weight? >> I assume my weight is a healthy weight.

Do you disinfect things as often as you should? >> How often is “as often as I should”? I rarely even think about disinfectant, and I seem to be doing fine.

Do you support religions outside of your own? >> Yes.

Do you support political persuasions other than your own? >> Yes.

Do you support people who have different lifestyles from your own? >> Yes.

Do you believe that everyone, regardless of any bias, is equal? >> I suppose.

Do you consider yourself to be open-minded? >> Yes.

Do you consider yourself to be judgmental? >> Yes.

Do you think people of different ideologies can get along? >> If it’s their desire, and their ideologies aren’t so conflicting that it prevents interaction. Like, I wouldn’t expect a Klan member and a Black Lives Matter activist to have anything constructive to say to each other.

Do you think the world is more loving or hateful? >> I don’t think the world is either. It’s just the world, with all its facets.

Do you think it's better to coexist or have forms of segregation? >> I don’t know. It seems to me that there are benefits and drawbacks to both. I suppose it depends on the long-term goals of the communities in question.

Do you think social classification is fair or unjust? >> Sometimes it starts out fair and drifts into unjust territory as things get more complicated. Sometimes it starts out unjust and just gets worse. Even with the best of intentions, though, I doubt any social classification can remain purely just to all parties involved, indefinitely.

Do you feel the justice system is truly just or corrupted? >> Well, the US justice system has been some level of corrupt for a long time, from what I gather.

Do you feel people judge others too harshly for trivial reasons? >> I do feel that way sometimes. But on the flip side, who am I to call their reasons trivial?

What job did you want growing up? Which do you want now? >> *shrug* and I definitely don’t want any now.

What was your favorite show as a kid? What is your favorite now? >> I don’t think I had a favourite show. I have a billion favourites now.

What food did you like as a kid, but hate now? >> Hot chocolate.

What food did you hate as a kid, but like now? >> I can’t think of any right now, but I know at least one exists.

Where do you hope to be within the next five years? >> I don’t imagine that far ahead.

Where did you live as a kid? Where do you want to live someday? >> In New Jersey, mostly. I haven’t decided where I’d like to live.

Do you feel your past was better than your future will be? >> No.

Do you feel your future will be better than your past? >> Yes.

Are you currently comfortable in your life? >> Yes.

What do you most hope the future holds for you? >> More self-actualisation.

Have you ever been in love? Do you think you ever will be? >> I have no idea, on both counts.

Was your childhood tougher than your current life? >> My childhood was tougher in the sense that I had no agency and no way to speak up for myself and get what I need. My current life is tougher in the sense that I now carry the weight of years with me.

Would you rather go back to your childhood or skip to the future? >> I’d rather stay where I am, thanks. I’m doing just fine right here.

Are you proud of your former-self? >> I am proud of it, yeah, because it did its best.

Are you artistically-inclined? >> Eh, maybe.

Are you musically-inclined? >> Only as a fan.

Are you a talented dancer? >> I am a dancer who has fun when dancing. I don’t know anything about skill but I do know about gettin jiggy and that’s all I care about.

Are you mathematically-inclined? >> Not really.

Are you scientifically-inclined? >> Neh. Interested, sure, but not necessarily inclined.

Are you more gifted with "book-smarts" or common sense? >> I think I have a healthy combination of both secondhand knowledge and experiential knowledge.

Are you more creative or logical? >> I guess I’m creatively logical.

Are you business-savvy? >> Nah.

Are you computer-savvy? >> Sure.

Are you better in the public eye or behind-the-scenes? >> I’d prefer to be behind-the-scenes than in the spotlight.

Are you gifted in the culinary field? >> No.

Are you gifted in athletics? >> I’m probably the least gifted in this.

Are you better or worse under pressure situations? >> I’m good in a crisis, but sometimes I can also be pressured to the point that I walk away and let whatever happens, happen.

Are you gifted in the field of animation? >> Nah.

[thesustainableswap]

Making Peace With Failure.

I am failing. I have failed. All throughout my life. But I am learning to look at my failures with happiness, rather than regret or sadness. Often times, things we have performed badly at become things we are ashamed of. I have a serious case of imposter syndrome where I feel like I have to have complete knowledge on a subject before I speak about it which leads to me feeling deflated and not good enough - but I’m working on it.

I try to remind myself that failure happens in everyone’s life. Often. I’m trying to live a zero waste, vegan, and sustainable lifestyle but do I slip up sometimes? Yes. Are people perfect? No. I’ve met people who shop secondhand but still eat a diet heavy in meat. People who are vegan but still buy bottled water. A lot of people when they hear that I am a vegetarian on the cusp of veganism, or when I talk about my blog, think I will shout them down for their lifestyle, but I have always had the mindset of, if everyone does a little - that would help a lot. That’s good enough for me.

So what do I do when the impending doom of potential failure looks at me in the mirror? I try to recognise it as myself. Because I am the person who brings my failure into my life. It’s important to not dwell on the bad stuff and find the positive in everything, so I’m going to share some of my failures with you, and why they were positive moments in my life.

1. I was in a small time band and we were doing okay, but then we split up.

I look back on this moment now and I am relieved it didn’t work out (much to my Dad’s dismay. Sorry Dad!) I was the lead singer of Chase The Enemy, don’t worry if you haven’t heard of us, we really weren’t a big deal. I definitely thought, in my teenage brain, that we were going to be the next female fronted rock band. We had embarked on two very small tours (very small, pretty much around the South East of England), and had also started to have some small features in magazines like Rock Sound, Kerrang! and Big Cheese. Sounds exciting, but this period was a really unhappy time in my life, because my 16 year old self felt like she was going through the biggest heartbreak of her life. In fact, I was in a breakup for roughly around two or three years. It was one of those relationships that really dragged on, and my mental health also took a turn around this time, where at 18 I had a severe panic attack in which I genuinely thought I would die (because as we now know, panic attacks feel like heart attacks). If that band hadn’t split up, there’s a chance that terrible relationship could of dragged on and my mental health would have continued to deteriorate. I can look back on the band now and see the highs, because I’m no longer living in the lows. That is the positive for me. I am thankful every day that the band split up.

2. I struggled to get into drama school, and when I was accepted I couldn’t attend.

I took two gap years to audition for acting courses at several drama schools in London. This also overlapped with my panic attack which I’d mentioned previously, as the band had ended as this portion of my life was beginning. I really didn’t like drama school auditions, as most of the time I felt like cattle. Honestly. Some of the schools seem to cram hundreds of people into a room. It feels uncaring. I had desperately wanted to attend LIPA and got a recall for the course during my first gap year. When I went back for the second round I remember having to lie on the floor in a movement class and pretend I was in a bubble and it could be made out of whatever I wanted it to be made out of. The teacher would let us know if it got bigger or smaller and then would ask us how we were reacting to said bubble. So there I was, on the floor of a school in Liverpool, feeling completely stupid because I couldn’t pretend that I was in a bubble. Because there was no bubble. I was devastated when I was rejected, and in my second year of auditioning I didn’t even get a recall. I finally got accepted at a school in New York. Wowzers. But surprise surprise the fees were ridiculous so I had to close that chapter as soon as it opened. Luckily, in 2015 I was accepted at ICMP where I studied Vocal Performance - and music was my first love so everything clicked into place. I ended up with a first class honours degree and learnt so much from my amazing tutors there. I also met some friends for life, and the love of my life. So, sometimes failings lead us to what we were truly meant to do.

3. I have no clue what I’m doing now.

I know - can this one really be a failure when I haven’t listed anything specifically that I’ve failed at? Thoughts are strange things, but here we go: I moved to France with my partner because of Brexit and we currently live with his family. I write music and have been recording an EP. I started this blog because I have a passion for sustainability and wellbeing. Right now these sound like statements of things that are happening, but I have already felt like I’ve failed at all of them even though they have only just begun. Moving back in with family after university and years of independence always feels like failure at first. You’ve just graduated. You’re meant to be in the real world but instead you find yourself clueless with no idea where you’re going. I studied music, I love to sing, I’m currently writing songs and planning to start gigging next year, but I’m teaching kids English five days a week and making them toast. And then, when it comes to posting on this blog sometimes I don’t feel like I have the credentials to even be raising my voice. But from all of these internal failures and feelings I’ve learnt that patience is key. And happiness comes from within us. I may just be an English speaking nanny to the kids I look after, and I may just be my partner’s girlfriend to his family, but it is so valuable to take the time to ask yourself what is important in your life. To assess all of your failures, and make peace with them.

So, I read a lot, I listen to way too much of the Deliciously Ella podcast, and I spend time with my partner and our cat. I write on this blog and record music in my spare time. I try to focus on the now rather than the future. With each failure, I count my blessings and am thankful for each one. Because if I had got into drama school in Liverpool, or had world wide success with the band I was in, or not moved to France, I wouldn’t be here, now. I wouldn’t be me. I wouldn’t of met the same people and formed any of the relationships that are so special to me. Failures are a wonderful thing, because they guide us on our journey to discovery and purpose.

Until next time,

The Sustainable Swap.

(P.S - some of my favourite books at the moment: Solve for Happy by Mo Gawdat, The Imposter Cure by Dr Jessamy Hibberd and Brain Changer by Professor Felice Jacka. Also one of my best friends has just started an Instagram for her book collection check it out at Dog Ears and Coffee Stains)