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feministskeptic · 2 years

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Cotton Ceiling Receipts

Trans activists misrepresent what the “cotton ceiling” is, so I decided to compile a list of descriptions given by pro-trans sources. There are lists compiling receipts from anonymous social media accounts (for example), but I haven’t seen lists compiling more reputable sources on it on it.

As I was putting this together, one thing that struck me was how important it is to distinguish between traditional homophobia, which pressures homosexual people be heterosexual, and a different type of homophobia which pressures homosexual people to be bisexual. Condemning a gay person for not experiencing opposite-sex attraction is homophobic; redefining “homosexuality” and “same-sex” to include attraction to the opposite sex so that you can claim to support homosexuality (but only as long as it also includes opposite-sex attraction) is homophobic.

I stopped at about 31 reputable sources and then about 9 of a more casual blogging variety. I’ve tried to limit my commentary on what I quote.

Cotton Ceiling From Reputable Sources

Article from Curve Magazine (2020) by a male trans person. Curve Magazine is a lesbian magazine dating back to 1991.

The term “cotton ceiling” has been viewed as quite the incendiary phrase. It was coined by porn actress and trans activist Drew DeVeaux in 2015. It’s been used to refer to the tendency by cisgender lesbians to outwardly include and support trans women, but draw the line at considering ever having sex with them.

[…]

The point of such discussion is not, EVER, to exhort anyone to have grudging sex without enthusiastic consent. The point of such discussion is to exhort folks to examine their inherent bigotry. We change, we grow, we learn through familiarity and exposure. We can challenge and re-examine our prejudices and fixed ideas.

Here a lesbian magazine exhorts lesbians that being friendly with male trans people isn’t sufficient, lesbians should “examine” and “change” their “inherent bigotry” (the absence of opposite sex attraction) to learn how to be both-sexes attracted (the correct orientation).

It pays lip service to consent (we would never want anyone to have unwanted sex!) while arguing that not wanting straight sex is bad and you should fix that about yourself. If you don’t want lesbians to have unwanted sex, then you should support and encourage them to double down and defend their boundaries when those boundaries are challenged or undermined—not instruct them that they have a responsibility to "grow” their boundaries.

The author also links to Riley Dennis’s “genital preferences are unfair discrimination” video, which appears further down this list.

Article from The TransAdvocate (2013) by a same-sex attracted woman. The TransAdvocate is an independent nonprofit that was selected by the US Library of Congress to be in its collection of LGBTQ+ writing in 2019.

The question of whether or not to include trans women in women’s sexuality-based events is old and tiresome, but it still comes up with some regularity. I recently responded to a discussion on this topic and I realized that it might be useful to post my thoughts here, as I don’t know that I’ve ever done so in full.

[…]

Assumption 9. The “cotton ceiling” is a way for trans women to bully cis women into having sex with them.

The idea of the “cotton ceiling” is intended to draw attention to how even in spaces that are politically and socially welcoming of trans women, transphobia often retains its influence on how we understand who is sexually desirable and who isn’t. It’s no different from other politicized criteria for desirability—people who are, for instance, fat or disabled are also often welcomed into queer women’s space but not seen as desirable compared to those hot slim, muscular, able-bodied sorts. This isn’t our fault—our entire culture tells us what’s sexy and what’s not, 24 hours a day, and that definition is terribly narrow. But it is really easy to forget how much influence advertising propaganda and social pressure can exert on what gets us wet and hard, and to let the mainstream’s terms dictate our desires.

It is possible to read the idea of the cotton ceiling as being about pressuring people to change who and what they desire. And that pressure can feel unwelcome. With that in mind, I would challenge those who feel it that way to look very carefully at the message that’s being delivered. Is it actually about you being told you need to go out and fuck people you’re not attracted to? Or is it about someone asking you to think about how much of your attractions are based on an underlying assumption of cissexism?

The author argues it’s a problem for women to be “welcoming” of male trans people while drawing the line at sleeping with them. She goes on to compare homosexuality to refusing to sleep with overweight people, arguing that lacking opposite-sex attraction is not a natural sexual orientation, it’s actually just a product of society’s prejudices:

“transphobia often retains its influence on how we understand who is sexually desirable”

Comparing people who aren’t attracted to the opposite sex to people who aren’t attracted to overweight people or disabled people to make homosexuality seem unnatural

“our entire culture tells us what’s sexy and what’s not”

“how much influence advertising propaganda and social pressure can exert on what gets us wet and hard”

“how much of your attractions are based on an underlying assumption of cissexism”

So: lesbians are brainwashed by society into being gay. Got it.

The kicker is when she compares the discomfort a homosexual woman feels from being shamed for being homosexual and from being pressured into being bisexual, to the discomfort a person with privilege feels when confronted with their privilege. It should suffice to say that lesbians don’t lightly come to the conclusion that they lack opposite sex attraction, and no lesbian benefits from being lectured about how she needs to reflect more and think more on her sexuality until she reaches the “correct” conclusion of opposite-sex attraction. By the time she comes out of the closet and is rejecting male trans people, she’s already reflected and thought on her sexuality.

This is trans-typical conversion therapy rhetoric, which a lesbian debunked well in this unconnected screenshot:

Because though the author tries to obscure it, there is a causal link between attraction and sexual relations, and when male trans people criticize lesbians for not being attracted to male trans people, they’re upset about lesbians rejecting sexual relations.

No matter how friendly, how "welcoming,” of male trans people a woman is, if that welcome doesn't extend into her bedroom, she’s a transphobe.

Article from PinkNews (2022). Wikipedia says PinkNews is a British LGBT news outlet founded in 2005.

The “cotton ceiling” is a concept coined by porn star and trans activist Drew DeVeaux, and describes the inherent prejudice that many cisgender lesbians have against trans women, reducing them to their genitals, even if they are outwardly accepting. It is not about an individual’s sexual decisions, which should only ever be made freely and with full, enthusiastic consent.

It’s pointless to include a disclaimer about consent when you’ve just argued it’s not enough for lesbians to be “outwardly accepting,” that lesbians HAVE to be open to sleeping with male trans people in order to truly respect them. The “cotton ceiling” is the transgender version of men complaining about being friendzoned by lesbians.

Scholarly book Does anyone have the right to sex? (2018) by Amia Srinivasan, London Review of Books

The difficulties I have been discussing are currently posed in the most vexed form within feminism by the experience of trans women. Trans women often face sexual exclusion from lesbian cis women who at the same time claim to take them seriously as women. This phenomenon was named the ‘cotton ceiling’ – ‘cotton’ as in underwear – by the trans porn actress and activist Drew DeVeaux. The phenomenon is real, but, as many trans women have noted, the phrase itself is unfortunate. While the ‘glass ceiling’ implies the violation of a woman’s right to advance on the basis of her work, the ‘cotton ceiling’ describes a lack of access to what no one is obligated to give (though DeVeaux has since claimed that the ‘cotton’ refers to the trans woman’s underwear, not the underwear of the cis lesbian who doesn’t want to have sex with her). Yet simply to say to a trans woman, or a disabled woman, or an Asian man, ‘No one is required to have sex with you,’ is to skate over something crucial. There is no entitlement to sex, and everyone is entitled to want what they want, but personal preferences – no dicks, no fems, no fats, no blacks, no arabs, no rice no spice, masc-for-masc – are never just personal.

[…]

…a feminism that totally abjures the political critique of desire is a feminism with little to say about the injustices of exclusion and misrecognition suffered by the women who arguably need feminism the most.

Another author who argues lesbians need to be willing to have sex with male trans people in order to take them seriously as women. Having sex with someone is not evidence you respect them “as women” or otherwise, and refusing sex with someone is not evidence you disrespect them.

Notice that the author’s compared homosexuality to refusing to sleep with disabled people or people of certain races. The goal of the comparison is to argue homosexuality is an unnatural orientation: nobody is biologically wired to be exclusively attracted to people of certain ability or skin color the way gay people are biologically wired to experience exclusively same-sex attraction. It’s not the same thing, and it’s homophobic (and scientifically inaccurate) to argue homosexuality is unnatural.

Also notice that she listed “no dicks” as if it’s analogous to “no blacks.” Rejecting sexual relations with someone because he has a penis is not remotely the same as rejecting someone for their skin color.

During court case, British lawyer compares cotton ceiling workshop to racially integrating South Africa after Apartheid (2021)

During the Allison Bailey trial, a lawyer from the law group Garden Court Chambers compared Planned Parenthood’s cotton ceiling workshop to South Africa’s workshops to racially integrate in order to argue Planned Parenthood’s workshop was good. This lawyer compared lesbians who won��t let male trans people get in their pants to white supremacists enforcing society-wide apartheid.

Here is a more detailed description of this moment in the trial.

If you’ve never read about the OG Planned Parenthood workshop (2012) by Morgan Page and Sarah Hobbs in Toronto…

Planned Parenthood gives a full-throated defense for hosting a workshop called “Overcoming the Cotton Ceiling: Breaking Down Sexual Barriers for Queer Trans Women,” stating that trans women “are denied full participation in queer women’s communities.” But what do they mean by “full participation”? It was a workshop by male trans people upset that they couldn’t get laid with lesbians and bisexual women.

That passive construction, “trans women are denied full participation,” is a euphemism for sexual relations. When Planned Parenthood says “we strongly stand behind queer trans women’ right to participate as full members of LGBTQ communities,” the ~right to participation~ they reference is sexual relations with women who don’t want to sleep with them (if these women wanted to sleep with them, there would be no workshop).

No cookie-cutter disclaimer about oooh consent is so important can change the fact that the core principle underlying this workshop (and the cotton ceiling in general) was that female homosexuality is unfair and oppressive to the male sex.

Planned Parenthood also couldn’t help but imply that the reason lesbians aren’t interested in male trans people is because of how “transphobia and transmisogyny impact sexual desire.” They do not view lesbians’ rejection of male trans people as a natural consequence of their natural sexual orientation. They view lesbians’ homosexuality as a “sexual barrier” to “inclusion” that should be overcome.

Tweets from Drew DeVeaux, male trans person.

I’ve included him in the “reputable” sources section because DeVeaux is widely credited with coining the term “cotton ceiling,” so what he says about it has particular weight.

Excerpt from 2014 speech

These threads are read from the bottom up:

Thread 2:

Thread 3:

Email from Morgan Page (2012), who organized the Planned Parenthood workshop and is currently employed by the British LGBT organization Stonewall (as far as I know)

Article in AutoStraddle (2013) by a male trans person. AutoStraddle is a lesbian publication.

I have written previously about some of the alienation I have experienced as a trans woman dating in the queer women’s community. Now, I want to emphasize here again that no one is obligated to touch a woman’s penis if they aren’t into that. However it’s also important to emphasize:

1) Not every trans woman has a penis. 2) No general means exist to distinguish trans women from cis women.

The implications of these two points together are that statements such as “I am attracted to cis women but not trans women” simply do not make sense and are rooted in social prejudice.

(As a side comment, before moving on let me briefly address something that appears in the previous piece that I linked above. My article from about a year ago contains a reference to the concept of the so-called “cotton ceiling,” which deserves a brief comment here. While several trans woman-hating “radical feminists” have intentionally misconstrued this concept in rather bizarre ways, there are also a few trans people who have made statements in relation to this idea that I think are problematic. Hence, after having some time to reflect on the previous debates about this I have come to the conclusion that the “cotton ceiling” should be considered an unhelpful concept for this type of discussion and should be set aside by trans activists moving forward.)

Sexual attraction is heavily dependent on being compatible in the bedroom. For example: remember a time where you were interested in someone, got with them, it was bad, and you lost all attraction.

Gay people are incompatible in the bedroom with the opposite sex. They might think opposite-sex trans people look good and fantasize about what the bedroom might be like if they were same-sex, but that sexual attraction evaporates when you realize real life sex with this person would suck. Because of your aforementioned incompatibility with the opposite sex.

Notice he specifically suggests strategically setting aside the term cotton ceiling while continuing the same homophobic tripe, so, changing the dressing without changing the content. The term cotton ceiling is unhelpful to the cause of getting more lesbians to learn opposite sex attraction.

I address the “you don’t know who’s trans so how can you be attracted to only women” argument further under the Katy Montgomerie tweets.

A second article from TransAdvocate (2014)

If a small group wanted to talk about how ableism affected cultural notions of beauty and/or desirability, would feminist circles tolerate TERFs going on a yearlong campaign, claiming that those who aren’t able-bodied want to force lesbians to have sex with them?

In a culture that devalues and oppresses trans people, why is it not appropriate to discuss how these cisnormative beauty standards impact notions of desirability, how these biases relate to the fetishization of trans people and how all of this impacts the perception of trans people in queer spaces?

The main point of this article is that the cotton ceiling is a conspiracy cooked up by transphobes: male trans people never promote homophobia towards lesbians and anyone who says so is either stupid or scheming. This article is soundly debunked by looking at this list, or looking at any of the collections of social media receipts (for example), or just plain looking at what the article eventually settles on for the definition of the cotton ceiling (seen above: defining homosexuality as “cisnormative beauty standards” 🤔 gee, what cisnormative beauty standards could trick lesbians into finding the opposite sex undesirable? What cisnormative beauty standards could brainwash lesbians into finding only their same sex attractive?).

It’s written almost entirely using rhetorical questions in order to avoid taking responsibility for anything it proposes.

This article also contains rude and profane receipts from radfems to try to make the fuss about those nasty women who aren’t being good women, instead of tackling the homophobic rape culture inherent in insisting that it’s oppressive and abusive for female homosexuality to draw a boundary excluding the male sex (and for female homosexuality to have a name to use to describe that boundary).

Article from QueerFeminism.com (2012) by a bisexual female trans person. This article was endorsed by an MSNBC journalist (homosexual male trans person) who was recently nominated by GLAAD for an award. It was also linked in the Curve Magazine article cited first on this list.

The blogosphere is fired up over the cotton ceiling today, a term porn actress Drew DeVaux and other queer trans women are using to challenge cis lesbians’ tendency to support trans causes generally but draw the line at sleeping with trans women or including trans lesbians in their sexual communities.

[…]

The narcissism in the radfem community is somewhat hilarious. Why would a trans woman WANT to sleep with you? How boring it must be to have sex with someone who reduces your body, your sexual creativity, and your capacity to a penis.

[…]

Radfems, you’re not just missing out on great sex. You’re confused about what it means to be a lesbian, or a woman. I don’t care what your physical preferences are or what gender identity you prefer. I do care that you confuse those two things, and thereby insult trans women. I care that you don’t bother to interrogate the origins of your phallus-based distaste for trans women, and think about whether it’s actually a dislike of the organ that’s happening here or whether transphobia and a refusal to view trans women as women is involved. I care that you assume describing yourself as a lesbian tells others that you prefer what you call a pussy, as if everyone has the same definition of lesbian, woman, or pussy.

THAT is privilege. Assuming that you speak the same language, rather than consensually sharing vocabulary. Using lesbian as a proxy term that tells a whole group of women that they are not real, and not seeing anything wrong with that. I find your appropriation of the language of oppression disgusting.

Another author who helpfully specifies that the cotton ceiling is about “lesbians’ tendency to support trans causes generally but draw the line at sleeping with trans women.” As I said earlier, no matter how welcoming of male trans people lesbians are, if that welcome doesn’t extend into the bedroom, it’s not enough.

The author here spends a good portion of the post writing about how a lack of willingness to engage in opposite-sex relations makes a person’s sex life deficient. She contradicts herself a couple times—she makes an unusually sincere-sounding disclaimer at the beginning about how not wanting to touch a penis is a valid sexual “preference,” and later says she doesn’t care what women’s “physical preferences” are, but also she mocks women who don’t want to have sexual relations with the opposite sex and says she hopes women come to feel shame for not “examining” their disinterest in sexual relations with the opposite sex.

My impression reading it was that since sexual relations don’t need to involve touching your partner’s penis, the author believes that even if you have an aversion to touching penises, that’s not a “good enough” reason to refuse sex with male trans people because sexual relations doesn’t necessitate penis contact. In the end, as we all know, there is no “good enough” reason for lesbians to lack interest in the opposite sex.

Blog post (2012) by Roz Kaveney, a male trans writer with his own Wikipedia page. He has 22.8K twitter followers. I wasn’t going to include him, but he’s cited by the next source, so here’s the full quote:

Essentially, the Cotton Ceiling - with reference to knickers - is the term parts of the trans community have inventively adopted for the way that, however theoretically accepting of trans people a lot of progressives may be, when it comes to actually having sex with us, they vote with their ...um...feet.

This is not - to jump straight in and answer a crude debating point that has been made by the usual 'radfem' suspects - a matter of the trans community demanding access to cis people's vulnerable and reluctant bodies. It's a matter of asking the question 'how can you say you accept us and still have - as many people do - a blanket assumption that you would never ever sleep with someone trans?' I say 'people' in that sentence because the assumptions that create the cotton ceiling are not peculiar to cis, or if you prefer 'non-trans', people. It's an issue to do with internalised transphobia as well, and something that a lot of trans people have to face up to in themselves. I've not always been as good on this as I might have been.

[…]

So, in the end, my substantive point is this - the cotton ceiling exists and it's an issue for all trans people, women, men and non-binary. It's a matter of transpobia, including internalized transphobia. Given the fact that access to surgery or even HRT is already in the US, and may become in the UK, an economic issue and quite often a racial one too.

To pretend the cotton ceiling does not exist is to deny an important component in transphobia.

Wanting to bang people is respect and not wanting to bang people is an important component of disrespect! Stop disrespecting us, which means, stop being so gay and start banging us!

Notice he employs the common conflation between using “trans” as a euphemism for a certain sex (typically, the male sex, such as by accusing feminists of being “trans-exclusive” if they include female trans people but not male trans people) with the use of trans to describe trans people of both sexes.

Kaveney and DeVeaux were both cited by the scholarly book Routledge Companion to Media, Sex and Sexuality (2017)

A major step forward came when Drew Deveaux, a model and porn actress, won the Feminist Porn Awards ‘Heartthrob of 2011’. Deveaux, an androgynous trans woman from Toronto, writes that ‘Through performing in porn, I’ve been able to take the world’s fucked up notions about trans women and fuck them into blissful oblivion’ (Deveaux, 2010). She nevertheless experienced feeling isolated in queer sex culture as a trans woman with a vagina. In 2012 she coined the term ‘the cotton ceiling’ to describe the feeling of being invisible as a sexual, queer woman. The cotton ceiling, like the glass ceiling for women in the workplace, is a barrier that limits access to power, recognition and respect. It refers literally to the panties of (cisgender) dykes, suggesting a social barrier to being recognised in queer sex cultures by cisdykes. As trans writer and activist Roz Kaveney sees it, this obstacle is present because, ‘however theoretically accepting of trans people a lot of progressives may be, when it comes to actually having sex with us, they vote with their … um … feet’ (2012).

The cotton ceiling … is a barrier that limits access to power, recognition, and respect. Nothing rape culture about that.

From the scholarly conference NWSA Feminist Transgressions: Too Damn Straight to Kick It with a Science Fiction Girlfriend: Dark Angel as a Symptom of the Feminist and LGBTQ Marginalization of Translesbianism (2014)

The television series Dark Angel is widely read as a cultural artifact of third-wave feminism. In the series, a cislesbian befriends a trans* heterosexual woman but derisively rejects a translesbian who sexually propositions her. This representation invokes feminist dialogue about translesbianism, such as the heated debate about whether the combination of ciswomen’s social acceptance and sexual rejection of transwomen constitutes a “cotton ceiling.” This paper argues that Dark Angel’s representation of trans lesbianism is symptomatic of the broader marginalization of the intersection of trans* identity and lesbianism within feminist and LGBTQ communities.

I couldn’t find more quotes from this source, but considering its argument is that “trans lesbians are marginalized by the LGBTQ community” I think we can safely conclude it comes down on the male sexual rights override female homosexuality side.

From the scholarly book Lesbian Feminism: Essays Opposing Global Heteropatriarchies (2019)

The sexuality of trans women is being policed to such a degree that any conversation that seeks to investigate their place in lesbian communities is twisted into an unpleasant caricature, unrecognizable as mature discourse. I’d like to think it would not be necessary for me to utterly condemn any form of sexual coercion between individuals based on any form of ideology whatsoever, but hey, this might be on the internet – and where the ‘cotton ceiling’ is concerned, woe betide anyone who enters the conversation who doesn’t want to be accused of being rapey’.

[…]

Fear is being used to convince us that the progression of trans rights threaten our safety. We are familiar with the old trope, of painting the ‘enemy’ as a threat of sexual violence against women – it is used to justify war, it is used to justify racism and it is being used here to justify transphobia.

The author compares lesbians who speak up against the pressure to “learn” opposite sex attraction to people who propagate racism to justify war. She avoids defining the cotton ceiling explicitly and just endorses the TransAdvocate article proclaiming that there is a conspiracy among lesbians to slander male trans people.

Excerpt from essay from scholarly book Feminist Perspectives on Orange Is The New Black (alternative link) (2016)

We can think of this as an example of what trans activist and porn star Drew DeVeaux has termed the “cotton ceiling.” Blogger and National Center for Transgender Equality staffer Natalie Reed (2012) provides a good synopsis of the term, writing that the “cotton ceiling” has to do with how trans women are perceived and represented. For example, trans men are often openly regarded as being sexy and hot within queer communities, being the subject of things like calendars and pin-ups and erotica. Trans women, on the other hand, are almost never permitted acknowledgment or representation in such communities as sexual beings. We carry a sort of image of being stuffy, boring, slightly icky, and ultimately eunuch-like things. We’re allowed into the parties, but we sit quiet and lonely in the corner. This ends up being a problem not in that we’re desperately eager to be sexually objectiﬁed (we get enough of that from the straight cis male world), but that this act of conceptualizing us as de-sexed and unfuckable is directly attached to larger systems of oppression, dehumanization and invalidation we face.

The “cotton ceiling”—referring to cotton underwear—is a way of shorthanding the phenomenon of desexualizing transwomen in queer spaces.

He’s complaining that lesbians will buy sexy calendars of female trans people but not male trans people because lesbians consider male trans people “unfuckable” because larger systems of oppression dehumanization invalidation. Not because of homosexuality? Could a natural lack of opposite-sex attraction be a significant variable here?

I’ve never seen Orange is the New Black, so I can’t really evaluate the analysis the author presents. But the author talks about how the trans character’s wife begged him not to get a penile inversion, because his wife is no longer sexually interested in him afterwards. The author also complains that the writers didn’t give the trans character any “lesbian” crushes/affairs, remaining loyal to his wife, and says that proves the bigotry of the writers.

I give the full quote from Natalie Reed further down the list.

Article from Hunger (2019), a fashion and culture magazine with 227K followers on instagram

As you may or may not know, lesbians have gathered a bit of a bad reputation in recent years. We’ve got TERFs uniting under the “lesbian” banner to hijack London Pride with their messed-up views; unchecked biphobia running rampant in our dating circles and convoluted in-fighting around the concept that butch people supposedly possess “masculine privilege” (btw, not a thing). As lesbianism increasingly becomes associated with transphobia and the “cotton ceiling” (the romantic and sexual exclusion of trans women and transfeminine people from lesbian circles) it’s a time when many of us are identifying with the wider, more inclusive “queer”.

Lesbians are so un-inclusive! Why should they have sexual boundaries against the opposite sex?

Cotton Ceiling By Any Other Name

As it dawns on trans rights activists what a sticky corner they’ve backed themselves into, they sometimes talk about the cotton ceiling without using the searchable term “cotton ceiling.” Here are some examples from reputable sources.

Quote from Stonewall CEO Nancy Kelley to the BBC (2021)

Kelley gave this quote to BBC when they asked her for a comment on their article about male trans people pressuring lesbians for sex.

Given the subject matter, notice her strategic conflation between male trans people and female trans people, and her presumption that dating only one sex is unnatural, comparable to racism.

Tweet from Ash Sarkar, journalist responding to the BBC’s cotton ceiling article (linked above) (Wikipedia)

Nobody should be pressured into sex with anybody, for any reason.

I wouldn't want someone to feel they had to have sex with me out of social pressure, but it'd be fair to ask whether racism plays a part in announcing every 5mins that they'd never sleep with a woman of colour!

Homosexuality ≠ racism! Same sex attraction – opposite sex attraction = natural sexual orientation, not a conspiracy.

NBC article responds to the BBC cotton ceiling article.

BBC responds to complaints about its cotton ceiling article.

Article from VICE by a male trans person (2018). Wikipedia says VICE is a news outlet that’s won a number of prizes.

Let me repeat: I am not saying that it is imperative to be attracted to trans women. I am arguing that your attraction is shaped by preconceived notions and stereotypes of transgender folks. So, no, I am not shaming you because of your sexual orientation. I am merely asking you to critically reflect on the factors that might shape your attractions.

[…]

This doesn’t mean that you have individual control or agency over your sexuality or gender, but that the meanings and perceptions that inform our sexuality and gender are relative to your culture and history. This also doesn’t mean there’s no biological influence, but how we interpret our biological impulses do not exist in a vacuum empty of ideological takes on the world.

[…]

Sexuality and gender aren’t simply something that comes from some biological imperative. They are phenomena that are developed through a messy brew of social, cultural, historical, and psychological factors. They can also prove to be lightly malleable if we try to dig into the foundations of how those oppressive structures influence the ways we see and understand the world.

He spends most of the article detailing harassment against trans people, which is ipso facto horrid. The point of the article is to rebut and explain what’s wrong with gay people not dating opposite-sex trans people, which he flunks at. He argues that society brainwashed gay people into being gay, that sexual orientations are “lightly malleable” (meaning, the jump from homosexual to bisexual is possible for every gay person, yay!), and urging gay people to “critically reflect on” their orientation with the obvious goal of converting them to be both-sex attracted.

Julia Serano in The Daily Beast (2017). In case you haven’t heard of him, he’s a prominent transgender activist. Wikipedia

Sexual attraction is a complex phenomenon, and of course there is lots of individual variation. I certainly do not expect every cis queer woman to swoon over me. And if it were only a small percentage of cis dykes who were not interested in trans women at all, I would write it off as simply a matter of personal preference. But this not a minor problem—it is systemic; it is a predominant sentiment in queer women’s communities. And when the overwhelming majority of cis dykes date and fuck cis women, but are not open to, or are even turned off by, the idea of dating or fucking trans women, how is that not transphobic? And to those cis women who claim a dyke identity, yet consider trans men, but not trans women, to be a part of your dating pool, let me ask you this: How are you not a hypocrite?

The kicker here is that Serano isn’t responding to any individual, he’s just looking at the big picture and noticing that lesbians want to be in same-sex relationships…which is a problem for him. You can tell there’s transphobia afoot when not enough lesbians are having opposite-sex relations. Lesbians, be more equal! Have fewer same-sex relationships and more opposite-sex relationships!

Peer-reviewed scholarly paper Transgender exclusion from the world of dating (alternative link) (2018)

In an ideal world, free of cisgenderism and transprejudice, an individual’s gender identity (transgender vs. cisgender) would not factor into whether they were viewed as a viable dating partner. […] In other words, a heterosexual man or lesbian woman, usually attracted to women, would also indicate a willingness to date trans women.

Scholarly article casually says that in an ideal world, homosexuality and heterosexuality wouldn’t exist. Both-sex attraction only.

Tweets from Veronica Ivy, aka Rachel McKinnon, the male trans person who won the 2018 women’s world championships in cycling. Wikipedia says Ivy is also a tenured professor at a university in South Carolina, US.

Stop comparing homosexuality to something unnatural challenge.

Second transcript of video from EverydayFeminism.com by Riley Dennis (2017), a male trans person.

So what’s been happening is that some people are making the argument that it’s not cissexist at all to only be attracted to people with one kind of genitals. For example, these people might argue that being attracted to only women with vaginas in no way negatively affects trans people.

[…]

1. ‘You’re Being Homophobic!’

In this argument, I often get accused of homophobia, lesbophobia, or lesbian erasure by lesbians who believe that I’m trying to change their sexual orientation or identity. They say that my language sounds a lot like a dude who tried to turn them straight or like conversion therapy.

Those responses are rooted in cissexism.

This is because I’m not telling lesbians that they can’t be lesbians. If you’re a woman who only likes women, go ahead, identify as a lesbian! But some women have penises. And if the fact that some lesbians might be attracted to those women offends you, it’s because you don’t think trans women are real women.

That’s because these accusations of homophobia make it sound like I’m trying to convince lesbians to like men, but I’m not. I’m trying to show that preferences for women with vaginas over women with penises might be partially informed by the influence of a cissexist society.

[…]

2. ‘You’re Upholding Rape Culture’

[…] Suggesting that trans women are rapists for wanting to be fully recognized as women is extremely harmful.

And I should note that I’m not saying you have to do anything without consent. I’m a big of fan of affirmative consent, and you should never feel pressured to have sex with somebody. This isn’t about an individual.

This is not saying, “You have to have sex with a trans woman, or you’re cissexist.” It’s saying that you should examine the societal influences on your preferences. There’s a massive difference between honing in on individual scenarios and considering wider societal issues and attitudes.

[editor’s note: RD is using “fully recognized as women” as a euphemism for sexual relations. Believing that attraction to or sex with you is necessary for your “recognition” IS rape culture.]

3. ‘I’m Allowed to Have My Preferences!’

Technically, you’re right. […]

So if we look a little deeper into this issue, there’s the possibility of your genital preferences being at least somewhat partially informed by growing up in a cissexist society. There’s also the fact that a preference is different than saying you would never do something. [editor’s note: well spotted!]

Like, having a preference for tall girls is fine, but refusing to date anyone under 5’7″ is ridiculous. And obviously that’s not a perfect analogy because short girls as a group don’t face the societal marginalization that trans women do.

But I’m interested in having a conversation about labels and implicit bias and trans-inclusive language. Simply saying “It’s my preference, end of discussion” is a good way of sidelining all of those issues and, instead, centering the feelings of cis people in a discussion that’s about trans people. [editor’s note: dismissing the person who’s rejecting sexual activity and prioritizing the feelings of the person being rejected isn’t helping his argument re: not upholding rape culture]

[…]

And the last thing I want to say about this is that if you’d rather not have sex with a woman who has a penis, maybe just don’t make such a huge deal of it. Trans women are often afraid of not being found attractive or desirable after coming out, and you’re not helping.

If you really want to be an ally to trans people, you could just not talk about it. And by that, I’m not trying to censor you, okay, so don’t pretend this is censorship. You have the freedom to say whatever you want – I’m just asking you to consider if it’s necessary to say those things when they reflect harmful or violent rhetoric.

Because if you have an opinion that you know is only gonna make people feel bad about themselves, why constantly share it with the world?

It’s fine to not find people attractive, but it’s mean to constantly yell about how unattractive you find those people, especially when those people are oppressed. For another imperfect analogy, it’d be like if you weren’t attracted to girls with short hair.

That would fine, but you probably wouldn’t write articles and make videos defending why it’s okay for you to not like girls with short hair. You could do that, but sometimes it’s just best to be polite.

[editor’s note: so lesbians should shut up about being gay bc it hurts the opposite sex’s feelings.]

First transcript of video from EverdayFeminism.com by Riley Dennis (2016). Archive link.

I think the main concern that people have in regards to dating a trans person is that they won’t have the genitals that they expect. Because we associate penises with men and vaginas with women, some people think they could never date a trans man with a vagina or a trans woman with a penis.

But I think that people are more than their genitals. I think that you could feel attraction to someone without knowing what’s between their legs. And if you were to say that you’re only attracted to people with vaginas or people with penises, it really feels like you’re reducing people just to their genitals. You’re kind of objectifying them – but you’re thinking of them more as genitals than objects. So I guess you’re kinda genitalifying them?

Anyway, my point is, we have implicit biases that we were raised with or that we developed over time, and they can be hard to get rid of. And I think this can be especially prominent within the queer community.

Gay men often pride themselves on being disgusted by vaginas, and the same goes for lesbian women with penises. It’s difficult because some queer people have built their sexual identities on these repulsions, but I don’t think they’re innate at all. If you met someone who was extremely attractive, had a great personality, but didn’t have the genitals that you wanted, you might be surprised to find that it isn’t a dealbreaker.

[…]

But we know that sexual orientations are more innate than learned – they’re more nature and less nurture. Gay “conversion therapy” has been proven not to work. But you can unlearn your own prejudices; it just takes time and conscious effort.

Gee, arguing that a gay man’s disinterest in vaginas or a lesbian’s disinterest in penises is unnatural? Accusing gay people of being superficial perverts incapable of real love? Urging gay people to “unlearn” their "prejudice” to stop being gay? Who’da thunk?

A rant from the site Feministing.com (2012) from a male trans person (an Executive Director of the site). Co-founded by Jessica Valenti, Feministing.com merited attention from the New York Times when it shut down in 2019. It had more than a million unique monthly visitors at its peak.

“I date women and trans men” is the definition of cissexism. It’s basing your frame for sexuality on the gender coercively assigned to a person by their doctor at birth, not on that person’s actual identity. In this case, we’re talking about folks who were assigned female. Of course, “women” means cis women – trans women totally drop off the map.

[…]

It’s incredibly undermining to frame sexuality in a way that lumps these men in with all female assigned folks instead of with cis men. It’s a failure, in the realm of sexuality, to recognize that trans men’s male identities are just as legitimate as cis men’s. If you’re going to base sexuality on gender, better base it on people’s actual genders.

I get why a lot of female assigned folks exist in this frame for reasons that aren’t overtly about undermining trans identities. There’s a ton of gender based trauma out there, and I understand that folks associate this with cis men, and not with trans men. But that’s not a reality-based approach to gender. A lot of that trauma gets easily linked to genitals, but this isn’t about bodies, it’s about patriarchy. I think this sexuality frame is a big part of why so many trans men get away with (and are sometimes even encouraged to practice) unchecked misogyny and male privilege (remember, power is complicated. You can experience both male privilege and cissexist oppression).

My trans brothers deserve better than sex in a frame that undermines their identities. This doesn’t mean queer cis women and gender non-conforming female assigned folks can’t fuck trans men, but then they owe it to these guys to reframe their sexuality in a way that’s not undermining – to recognize that they sleep with men, and to question why they’re OK with sleeping with trans men and not cis men.

[…]

I do put a little more responsibility on trans men for letting this frame push their trans sisters out. This approach to sexuality totally erases trans women by excluding us from the group of sexually existing queer women. Yes, it’s also incredibly undermining of trans women’s identities by moving us out of the category “women” when it comes to sexuality. Ultimately, this frame goes back to the gender coercively assigned at birth for trans women as well. It’s a way for transmisogyny to advance unchecked, because trans women totally drop out of the conversation.

Obviously, claiming that people should be allowed to define their own sexualities without judgment goes out the window. Certain sexualities (*cough* homosexuality in particular *cough*) aren’t allowed.

Advice column from Xtra* Magazine responding to a question from a older woman who calls herself “Ornery Lesbian Dissident” (OLD) by a male trans person (2020)

But what about trans people like [Riley] Dennis and writer Brynne Tannehill, who suggest that it is transphobic for cis people to not want to date trans people?

First, I would suggest spending some time with Dennis and Tannehill’s work, because they present their perspectives with intelligence and nuance. They point out that all sexual and romantic preferences are in some way shaped by cultural and political forces. We are taught, for example, that thin is attractive and fat is ugly; that young people are deserving of sex while elders are not; that white skin is more beautiful than dark skin. While we shouldn’t let this observation dictate our sexual behaviour by immediately (and tokenistically) seeking out “diverse” sexual partners in the name of political correctness, it’s worth thinking about in the long term.

[…]

So when we talk about sexual preference, I believe that it is both possible and preferable to work towards healing our erotic selves by entering into a more mindful and intentional relationship with desire. This is decidedly not about forcing ourselves into sex with someone we aren’t attracted to, but rather about making empowered choices to experiment and expand our desire at a pace and direction that feels right.

You mention, OLD, that you are not attracted to penises or “the way that trans women look,” which I think is fair in the sense that you know your own feelings best. Yet I have to point out that not all trans women have penises, and not all trans women look the same. You also identify as someone who loves women, and I imagine that you love more than their genitalia and their outward appearance. So what does this mean for your assertion that you are not attracted to trans women?

Choosing to stay open to new possibilities while also staying grounded in empowered choice offers us a third way forward in a world where clashing ideals tell us that we can only have love for trans women or consent for cis women, not both. Yet of course, love and consent can only thrive in the presence of one another. Reclaiming control over our own bodies can sometimes open new pathways to erotic joy—throughout history, a great many cis people have discovered a deep and powerful attraction to trans people despite being taught to revile us.

I thought this author was pretty reasonable the first time I read the article; my second time through, I spotted the guilt-tripping and manipulative sexist tactics. He starts off by appealing to the desire to “just get along” (because of course lesbians getting along with male trans people has to include being closeted and/or open to sexual activity), he regurgitates the typical transgender homophobia by comparing it to unnatural things like racism etc, and implies lesbians are shallow genital-obsessed perverts who aren’t appreciating a person’s true self if they are homosexual. (“…I imagine you love more than their genitalia and their outward appearance. So what does this mean for your assertion that you are not attracted to [the opposite sex]?”)

Throughout he emphasizes over and over the idea of “choosing to stay open to the possibility,” “regarding each other through the eyes of possibility,” “it is possible and preferable to work towards […] making empowered choices to experiment and expand our desire at a pace and direction that feels right”—unless what feels right is being homosexual and rejecting the requirement to keep the door open to possibly someday be opposite-sex attracted.

Arguing that rejecting homosexuality “empowers” lesbian is pretty bad. Plus the “sex positive” conviction that sexual boundaries and limits are meant to be overcome, that they’re something to let go of or go beyond (and if you don’t want to go beyond them…you’re not getting along! Be nice!).

In a nutshell: “All” he’s asking for is for lesbians to get along with male trans people by holding onto the just the possibility that someday they’ll desire sexual activity with male trans people! Yet male trans people are not expected to make room for the possibility that female homosexuality is in fact natural, not an arbitrary construct they can identify into. Lesbians are expected to do the work of getting along.

Also the way he says this ~openness to the possibilities~ is the only way to avoid a world where “we can only have love for trans women or consent for lesbians”…as if male trans people can’t get love anywhere else except from lesbians? What?? It has a manipulative, abusive “nobody will love me if you don’t” vibe. Why is lesbians’ disinterest in the opposite sex a problem to solve?

Article from The Daily Beast (2021) by a male trans person, responding to the BBC’s article about the cotton ceiling

Through selective sourcing and questionable quotes, Lowbridge uses phrases like “biological female” and “biological male” to frame cisgender lesbians as defenseless maidens and equate trans women with aggressive, cisgender male sexual predators. Perhaps not so coincidentally.

Here are the basic points of Lowbridge’s 3,850-word screed, to which the BBC attached a warning to readers about “strong language”:

• Using anecdotal accounts of assholish behavior, the author reveals there are lesbians who don’t want to have sex with transgender women yet were “pressured,” “coerced” and at least one said they were raped.

That’s horrible, but as Canadian jurist and bioethicist Florence Ashley told The Daily Beast: “It’s absolutely insidious to transform discussions of how cisnormativity shapes desire into claims of ‘coercion’ which play into the long-standing demonization of trans women as ‘rapists’ and ‘perverts.’”

• Claiming an aversion to sex with a trans woman is “transphobic” and will result in loss of relationships, damage to reputation and in at least one case could potentially cost a lesbian her career.

The truth, cis bisexual and human resources director Jenn Kelley of Connecticut told The Daily Beast, is that people have preferences. “Some lesbians do not like penetration. And to some the mere idea of fellatio literally makes them gag. Therefore, they don’t have sex with people with penises,” Kelley said. “I honestly don’t think that makes them transphobic. They simply choose to engage in sex with persons without penises. Is that a fetish? No! It’s knowing what you like/don’t like and choosing that. It doesn’t diminish another because their gender or body parts aren’t what you prefer.” [Editor’s note: I wish the author had included more quotes from this source, because source doesn’t use the word “preference” to describe homosexuality ("preference” is inserted by the author), but it’s not clear what her opinion is of people being openly homosexual or declining to date post-op male trans people]

[…]

Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis. Although there are trans women, many of them who identify as lesbians, who undergo bottom surgery to transform male genitalia into a neovagina—which appears and functions in almost every way like female genitalia—this is barely referenced in favor of repeating the fallacy that all trans women have penises.

[…]

“This BBC article is just the latest biased and factually inaccurate story about transgender people to appear in British mainstream media,” a spokesperson for GLAAD told The Daily Beast. “It's frankly bad journalism to have a reporter and news outlet reinforce lies and spread hate about a group of people that is already profoundly marginalized. Mainstream media in the UK should immediately give transgender people and their allies platforms to share stories about what it really means to be a trans person in the UK today.”

“The idea that trans women need to pressure anyone into sex is so laughably absurd,” tweeted actor, producer and activist Jen Richards, who happens to be trans. “Don’t fall for stupid op-ed’s written with little to no basis in lived experience and by people who want to erase trans people from public life. If you don’t want us, we don’t want you either. All we ask is that you leave us and our partners the fuck alone.”

“I’m a proud woman, a proud trans person, and a proud lesbian,” writer and trans activist Charlotte Clymer told The Daily Beast. “I don’t know any trans or nonbinary person, let alone any activists, who would claim that cis lesbians are obligated to be attracted to trans women. I don’t know anyone in the trans community who would claim there’s an imperative for any person, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity, to be attracted to someone because they’re trans or non-binary. No person is ever obligated to be attracted to another person. That completely goes against the concept of autonomy and consent that is so central to the trans and nonbinary community.” [editor’s note: lol]

This is not a new topic, and there are many great sources one could consult if only Lowbridge had tried: Ana Valens wrote a guide for queer women who want to have sex with trans women in Allure in 2019. She called communication “the lifeblood of good sex.” Mey Rude wrote “How to Have Lesbian Sex with a Trans Woman” for Autostraddle in 2018. In response to a cis lesbian backlash in the comments section, CEO and editor in chief Marie Lyn “Riese” Bernard wrote:

“There is nothing coercive in this post. It’s just information for people who want it. But it is mean that trans women can’t just talk about having sex without hundreds of people showing up to announce I’M NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU OR PEOPLE LIKE YOU! I don’t feel like that would happen on a post about fat women or masculine women or femme women or whatever type of woman if that happens to not be your thing, you know?”

Although Lowbridge wrote that she consulted trans women on both sides of this issue including YouTubers, she overlooked one trans lesbian YouTube personality who has tackled lesbian sex quite frequently: Melody Maia Monet.

“The goal seems to be to create an outsized moral panic over a ‘problem’ that even the anti-trans activists admit is marginal at best,” Monet told The Daily Beast. “Judging from how often I have been propositioned by lesbians who don’t care that I’m trans, framing cis and trans lesbian sexual relationships as forced does not reflect reality.”

Author and public speaker Stephanie Battaglino had this to say: “By focusing on one’s anatomy, the author is missing the bigger—and more inclusive—picture: my being trans is not the only way I present myself to the world. My personality, my interests, my sense of humor, my intelligence and a thousand other things, define who I am as a person. Unfortunately, there seems to be no mention of any of those qualities—that we all possess—in this piece. Do you think this was ghost written by JK Rowling?”

My reality: Since coming out 8 years ago I’ve been propositioned by both women and men. As a queer woman, I’ve been romantic with both women and men. And I don’t claim to be like every other woman, because no woman is. But listen to me, BBC: In publishing this drivel, you’re providing ammunition to those who want to see me excluded, oppressed, beaten, or worse, dead.

The bottom line: I am not my vagina. I was never my penis. But my body, as is every body, is worthy of love, and only from those with whom I consent to share it.

The author’s main argument is that This Doesn’t Happen and if it does happen, it’s not a big deal, and the women probably made up all up anyway. He cites one “expert” who euphemistically refers to homosexuality as “cisnormativity,” then quotes a woman who supports homosexuality as long as you Don’t Say Gay, and then follows up with a quote from GLAAD about how it’s “factually inaccurate” that some male trans people sexually harass lesbians.

He then quotes a ton of trans people, and ends with a dose of homophobia, using the modern politically correct terminology to accuse gay people of being shallow genital obsessed perverts who can’t love a person for who they are on account of their unfortunate homosexuality (the “too bad for you”/“I feel sorry for you”/“I’m so much better than you” refrain).

This article is an example of how transgender activists have zero interest in addressing sexual harassment committed by trans people when the option to condemn lesbian victims and publicly shame lesbians for being homosexual is on the table. Literally! There’s no point to making a cookie-cutter disclaimer about how you’re totally against rape culture, definitely, and then spend the rest of the article doing what he did.

Video of Owen Jones (2022), a same-sex attracted British journalist (Wikipedia)

Some random person on twitter accused Jones of being a hypocrite for only dating men while condoning the homophobia directed at lesbians and gay men for only dating their own sex. There’s no evidence Jones dates only his own sex…but Jones provided evidence of his own homophobia in the video he filmed in response.

The rando says that Jones can disprove his accusation by saying right now that he supports the right for women who are exclusively same-sex attracted to openly announce their orientation (as opposed to being closeted, pretending to be both-sex attracted). Jones says…

Skip to 2:20

“You can prove it if you unequivocally state that lesbians are not transphobic for being vocal or nice about exclusive attraction to the same sex.” You can see he’s shifted the goalposts here, he doesn’t have any evidence for his claim, so he’s abandoned that. And he doesn’t know anything about my own dating history, either, incidentally. The original hypocrisy as he claims I only dated people he considered to be men without me saying anything. [mumbles something in his British accent, saying that the goalposts have shifted].

2:49 But what does he even mean here? Well, he means the right of people to publicly say that trans women are men and trans men are women, just to rampantly misgender them, and the way I’ve put it there, frankly, is even more toned down than the way lots of them misgender trans people, which is just aggressive and hateful and all the rest of it. That’s got nothing to do with who you date, whatsoever, it’s completely irrelevant to that point.

3:13 My response was clear: why do you feel the need to tell the world that you think trans women are men and trans men are women? It objectively makes the lives of trans people harder and more miserable. The basis of hate crimes and violence and abuse and discrimination against trans people, is that they are impostors, that they’re not really who they say they are, that they’re either entitled and aggressive men or fallen women. That’s the basis of abuse. Going around misgendering them is just obviously just whipping up hatred and bigotry to them.

3:44 So you make their lives harder, but how does it make your life happier or contented to do that? What benefit is it to you?

Here’s the key: What does it mean to unequivocally state that lesbians are not transphobic for being vocal or (not) nice about exclusive attraction to the same sex? According to Jones, what it means is, the right of people to publicly say that male trans people are men. Aka, transphobia/bigotry. In other words, he says ok, FINE, if lesbians don’t want to sleep with male trans people they don’t have to, but they ought to be ashamed of their bigoted sexual orientation. No pride for them, only shame.

After all, if you announce you’re exclusively same-sex attracted, that means you’re telling the world you think male trans people are men! So shut up and keep it to yourself, because what reason could a lesbian ever have to want to be out of the closet? What benefit or happiness does it ever bring a gay person to be out of the closet? The only reason is to hurt the feelings of trans people, apparently.

And for bonus, he says they should be ashamed because lesbians are to blame for hate crimes and violence (note: there is no data to support the claim that trans people have an unusually high murder rate) against trans people. Yup.

Tweet by Ashton Pittman (2022), an award-winning same-sex attracted American journalist

The only women permitted at Pride are the ones who like dick. No out lesbians, especially not the ones who loudly and proudly proclaim their homosexuality.

Article from Slate (2015) by a female trans person and a male trans person about tensions between lesbians and male trans people

For cis lesbians, it can also be difficult to tell the difference between an honest lack of attraction and feelings of fear or disgust at the idea of a partner who they perceive as “really” a man—feelings that are rooted in transphobic cultural conditioning. While trans lesbians seeking romantic connections in the lesbian community are often frustrated by the knee-jerk resistance many cis lesbians have to dating trans women, hearing that one’s individual reluctance to date someone may be based in transphobia can feel unfair and accusatory.

Rumors of trans women who attempt to pressure lesbians to date them by insisting that it would be transphobic to do otherwise don’t help matters—these stories may be apocryphal, but the fear of being pressured into a romantic relationship is hardly conducive to relaxed getting-to-know-yous. Rumors of predatory or pressuring behavior by trans women have been fanned by TERFs in order to paint trans women as violent and coercive.

These two want a job as mindreaders: “you think you’re not attracted to the opposite sex, but you are! Because I say so!”

Literally the authors spend the whole article blaming lesbians for this or that and then squeeze in one paragraph at the end saying “and maybe trans people are mean to butches.”

Cotton Ceiling From Not-As Respectable Sources

Wiktionary

A social barrier to consideration (by cisgender women) of transgender women as viable sexual partners

How about, instead of a “social barrier,” a homosexual fact?

Article on Medium (2018) from smalltime male trans journalist who has been published in HuffPost, i News, and PinkNews one time each.

The author, who says he’s bisexual, has also outright stated he personally wouldn’t date a trans person. (He doesn’t say why.)

The cotton ceiling, in short, makes the point that there are certain cis lesbians who are using their sexuality as a way to deny trans women’s womanhood. It’s not about coercing them, it’s not about saying you can’t have sex with only people you want to have sex with, its not about corrective rape or conversion therapy. It’s literally just a name for the concept of using your sexuality as a way of denying trans women’s womanhood; ie “I would never have sex with a trans woman, I’m a lesbian and don’t like men”.

And this happens an awful lot in the anti-trans community. It’s their ultimate GOTCHA! because sexual preferences are kind of seen as a little sacred. I get why, LGB people have fought really bloody hard in our societies to get to where they are now and I don’t want to at all take that away from them. I get the fiery passion behind defending your right to love who you want to love — and as a bisexual woman in a lesbian relationship, I’m super down for that cause. (Yes, this does make me a BLT)

[…]

Like seriously… all trans people want in this regard is that if we’re going to use this straight/gay/bi system— that we get to decide which label to use ourselves and have that respected. Like that’s literally it. But every single time a trans woman calls herself lesbian you can guarantee an anti-trans activist will show up to disagree and shout her down and call her a heterosexual male.

Personally, I suggest dropping the idea of rigid and strict labels like lesbian, gay, bi and straight. You don’t need a label, just tell people what you’re into… ie “I like vaginas and/or dicks” if genitals are absolutely important to you, or in my case “I like it when you orgasm, I like it when I orgasm, I like orgasms.”

To summarise, the cotton ceiling isn’t about corrective rape or an entitlement to vaginas. It’s about the use of sexual preferences as a weapon against the womanhood of trans women.

So he says lesbians can refuse sex with male trans people as long as they don’t say WHY, or if they do say why, they shouldn’t use a label like “gay/bi/lesbian” #DontSayGay. If only there was a label that meant “I’m biologically female and I want someone who’s biologically female.”

Twitter activist Katy Montgomerie (2022), a same-sex attracted male trans person. Montgomerie has given at least one radio interview (2023) about transgender topics, and he gave a presentation at Edinburgh University where he called “same-sex attraction” a transphobic dogwhistle (while pretending the argument is over whether gay men are attracted to male trans people, instead of the real meat of the argument, which is the lack of sexual attraction that gay people have for the opposite sex and the lack of attraction straight people have for their same sex).

Montgomerie’s argument here is that homosexuality is a product of brainwashing—gay people only think they’re exclusively same-sex attracted, but actually some of the people you’re “attracted” to are the opposite sex mimicking your common sex traits to greater or lesser extents, which means Gotcha(TM). It’s a reference to the cotton ceiling because he’s saying lesbians are actually attracted to (some) male trans people, therefore lesbians are attracted to the male sex.

Contrary to his claim, it’s easy to correct.

A lesbian on reddit explained it this way: (VERY loosely from memory, ngl I made most of this up bc I couldn’t find it again) If you saw a cake and were like “that looks delicious! I want to eat this!” and then someone told you the cake is peanut butter flavored, and you said, “oh, I hate peanut butter, never mind!” and that person says “but you just said you wanted to eat this cake! obviously you like peanut butter cake! why are you pretending not to like peanut butter cake?” would you take that person seriously or are they a moron?

You can also compare his argument to this old meme:

According to Montgomerie’s TRA logic, this guy is sexually attracted to laundry machines. After all, it doesn’t matter he didn’t know the laundry machine was a laundry machine! He was turned on by it, which means he’s attracted to it.

In conclusion, if you have to woo someone by deceiving them about what’s in your pants, it doesn’t make homosexuality unnatural, and it doesn’t mean someone’s in denial that they’re attracted to you.

“But you were turned on when you thought the laundry machine was a person!” Yes…because some things are so intuitively fundamental to attraction that the attraction is founded on them. And if that foundation isn’t there, neither is the attraction.

“But you were interested when you thought the cake wasn’t peanut butter flavored!” Yes…because some people only like cakes that don’t have peanut butter.

In order to want something, you have to have an idea of what you want, and if that idea turns out to be mismatched with reality, it doesn’t mean you suddenly like peanut butter cakes just because you wanted a cake before you knew it had peanut butter.

FFS.

From the FreeThoughtBlog (2012) by Natalie Reed, a homosexual male trans person trashing on homosexual women. The author also wrote this post on EverydayFeminism.com, and apparently worked as a staffer for the National Center for Transgender Equality.

The term “Cotton Ceiling” was originally coined by the intensely awesome Canadian trans-activist and porn star Drew DeVeaux, in which she referred (quite specifically) to the tendency within feminist and queer women’s spaces for trans women to be, while nominally accepted as women and supported in their pursuit for rights and equality, regarded and treated as essentially de-sexed, unfuckable, and sometimes a bit repulsive, with this becoming highly politicized in regards to its implications for things like what a lesbian sexuality really means, how much of sexuality is “orientation” and something we can’t be held accountable for and how much is mediated by our perceptions, how sexuality can reveal that biases and lack of respecting gender identity continue to exist on visceral levels despite being intellectually (or superficially) rejected, etc.

[…]

For example, the idea of us as de-sexed relates directly to the whole “cutting off your penis” myth through which transsexuality is often viewed. It imagines a male-to-female transition (but tellingly NOT a female-to-male transition) as being a loss, a reduction, giving something of oneself up and becoming a lesser being, [editor’s note: lmao is he literally claiming lesbians are more interested in male trans people who have dicks than who don’t?] rather than conceiving it (much more accurately), as a growth, a reconfiguration, an expansion of self and possibilities, gaining new confidence and sexuality and empowerment and self-realization. The idea of us as being fundamentally unattractive relates into the way that cisgender standards of beauty are positioned as the only possible standards, that “passability” and “beauty” are, for trans women, directly equated, and we can ONLY be seen as beautiful, attractive or sexy in so far as we do NOT appear to be trans and instead appear to be cis (which is, you know, really fucked up). The refusal of lesbians to consider us viable sexual partners, or their seeing intimacy with us as somehow a threat to their lesbian identification (I had a #FunWithSearchTerms the other day asking “what do you call a lesbian who’s attracted to both women and trans women?”) is to ultimately, when it comes to staking your own identification upon how you conceive of our gender, to walk your talk, assert that beneath whatever lip-service you’ve paid to the legitimacy of our identity you simply don’t really regard us as women. At least not fully so.

The trouble, though, is that in the painfully typical manner that cis people will consistently view trans issues primarily or only in relation to themselves, they see this notion that how trans women are sexualized (or more accurately, desexualized) within their community is somehow all about us trying to force our way into their pants, to trick our way past their “natural” disinclination to sleeping with our “naturally” less attractive selves. [editor’s note: natural disinclination to sleep with the opposite sex] The conversation was quickly twisted into being about how “nobody needs to be obliged to sleep with someone we don’t regard as attractive! It doesn’t make me a transphobe just because I’m not interested in sleeping with trans women!”

[…]

And to be honest, saying as a blanket statement that you have no interest in sleeping with any trans women ever IS a transphobic statement. As I’ve talked about before, there really isn’t any universal or consistent outward trait common to all trans women. Logically, one can’t possibly experience a basic sexual attraction to cis women but not trans women, at least not while claiming that supposed lack of attraction has anything to do with trans women and trans bodies. It’s about how you perceive trans women. What you’re “not attracted to” is women you KNOW are trans, the IDEA of trans women, the CONCEPT. Which is inherently tied into cultural perceptions. You’d have the same reaction to a cis woman claiming to be trans as you would to an actual trans woman. It’s about your perceptions, not our bodies.

[…]

Sexuality does not occur in a vacuum. Imagine a circumstance where an enormous number of people were saying that latina women just plain weren’t attractive or sexy, and that the only way they COULD be would be to look as little like latina women as possible. And let’s say when this issue is broached, the response is “I just don’t find latinas attractive. I’m not racist! It’s just my sexual interests, which I have a right to define. Trying to force me into having sex with latinas by guilt-tripping me is a form of rape”. Wouldn’t it be justified to explore how racism, and cultural attitudes towards hispanic people, are influencing those attitudes and sexuality? Wouldn’t the women so targeted as “innately” less attractive be justified in their anger and hurt?

[…]

Some aspects of sexuality probably are innate, “Born This Way”. But a whole lot more of it is socio-culturally mediated. How cultural attitudes play out in sexuality is not something that needs to be protected from discussion, and given the fact that this often has real, actual consequences (such as perpetuating the oppression, alienation and dehumanization of trans women), it is something that needs to discussed.

The fact that simply trying to broach the subject of “the cotton ceiling” is something met with such a considerable degree of hostility and opposition is itself pretty strong proof that it is in fact a real phenomenon that is actually limiting how trans women are conceived and talked about in the queer community. It makes sense, of course… there’s a whole lot of important things tied to these issues. The stability of gender, the stability (or even validity) of sexual orientations in a world where gender is not a stable, binary, fixed thing. The importance of what a lesbian identity is and means, where it begins and ends. How much of sexuality is fixed and how much is mutable. How much of our attractions, and sexual orientations, are connected to actual bodies and actual pleasure and how much is all just in our heads and how we think of those bodies and pleasures. The presence of trans women as sexual beings poses considerable threats to understandings of gender and sexuality, both of which are things that carry deeply personal significance to everyone, perhaps especially to queer women.

But this is a discussion that needs to happen. And needs to NOT be made all about cis people. It needs to be focused on us, on trans women, and our representation. To shut down this dialogue simply because it’s a bit scary is to forfeit the right to consider oneself trans-friendly or accepting. It’s to forfeit the right to claim membership in a unified queer community.

Something remarkable about this rant is that the author himself is gay, but he’s this riled up over imagining lesbians rejecting him if he were straight. During the article, he heavily implies that he would only sleep with “cisgender” men, and when someone in the comment section called it out, the author conceded that if he and a female trans person had chemistry…he would be able to make himself have sex with her. It reeked of hypocrisy.

It’s also remarkable that it’s evident he’s a thoughtful person. I thought it was interesting when he proposed the hypothetical of a woman posing as a male trans person. But he invests all of his thought into obsessing over how it’s unfair for lesbians to have a natural sexual orientation that doesn’t change to convenience heterosexual male trans people, without recognizing it takes two to tango, so this idea that the cotton ceiling could ever be about just trans people or trans representation, and not an attack on homosexuality, is a convenient falsehood.

Video from Ira Gray (2013), female trans person who was apparently big on Tumblr back in the day

This is mostly to the ones that identify as queer or lesbian, refusing to date trans women but being ok with dating trans men and cisgender women is super, super cissexist. And I know what you’re thinking, you’re probably thinking like well it’s just my preference, so you can’t tell me what to like or what I don’t like. No, I can’t tell you want to like or to not like, but I can implore you to question why you like those things in the first place. […]

You’re basically lumping people into their gender designation markers and segregating people over something they have no control over. So instead of being like, I like people with these features, you’re saying I like people who have these things on their birth certificate […] and that seems really weird to me. […]

Basically what you’re saying is that trans men and cisgender women are alike. […] And likewise, saying you won’t date trans women and cisgender men basically lumps them into the same category as well […] basically it goes through the process of undermining someone’s identity. […]

Just question why you’re into something, and then refusing to do so is really fucked up too. I’ll admit I used to be transmisogynistic in regard to my sexual attraction, I didn’t want to date trans women, because I didn’t want to date someone with a penis. […]

Any form of logic you use to justify only dating trans men and not dating trans women and dating cisgender women and not dating cisgender men is going to be cissexist. Because you have to […] use super stereotypical arguments that are anti-trans in order to justify them.

This article on Medium (2020) from a straight British male trans person: its author argues that it’s not really a problem that lesbians are “transphobic” when choosing who to date. So, still homophobic, but he expends effort debunking some of your typical trans cotton ceiling arguments.

[…] To put it in a more direct way; is it transphobic that this woman did not want to go on a date with me? Is it transphobic that she didn’t want to sleep with me?

Not to sound like I am avoiding giving an answer to my own questions but, to both: yes, and no. The point where the transphobia was taking place was in the fact that she saw transness as a deal-breaker. [editor’s note: transness is a euphemism for being biologically male]

[…]

Where I might be saying something more contentious, however, is that her being transphobic does not mean she is wrong for not wanting to sleep with me (stick with me here, okay). There are all sorts of reasons that a cis lesbian may not wish to sleep with a trans woman. […] People can quite simply not be attracted to my body, to a penis and small breasts.

[…] They might just not want to sleep with us. It’s a transphobic prejudice, sure, but they are not necessarily a transphobe, and we cannot demand that someone sleep with us to prove they are not a transphobe. I do not think that many, if any at all, trans people would actually do that when it comes down to it.

[…]

I’m a big proponent of violent resistance to fascism, to racism, both institutional and personal. I am not a fan of violent resistance to transphobic feminists. I mean, there’s a reason I’m using that phrase, rather than TERF, even if I obviously think TERF is an accurate descriptor and not a slur. But when I see phrases like KILL ALL TERFS or similar, I can’t really relate to that mindset: a TERF is not a fascist, not exactly (I do think a lot of their thinking is fascist). And most TERFs are women. It’s not helpful for us to scream that we are going to kill them, because, more than anything else, it just fulfils what they already think about us: that we are violent males (even if the people shouting that are cis women). I get why we might jump to violent resistance to this problem, because it has been effective against other forms of bigotry, but different forms of bigotry function in different ways, come from different places, and so on.

Post on the blog Cuntext (2012)

Reframing a specific experience of cissexism and transphobia—not being considered datable or fuckable by the majority of one’s queer community—as simply women treating each other badly is not only delusional, it’s exclusive.

[…]

At risk of sounding repetitive, because this is becoming a bit of a catchphrase for me these days: QUESTION YOUR DESIRE. If you have spent any time thinking about how damaging and fucked up it is that every women’s magazine photoshops models to be skinnier, whiter, and less wrinkled, then you’ve already started. Standards of beauty, aesthetics of fuckability, are not created in a vacuum. They come out of real societies, and they are built on that society’s sexism and racism and ableism and fat negativity and, yes, cissexism and transphobia. Furthermore, desire is not static or permanent. Do you think the same things are hot now as you did when you were fourteen, or has your desire evolved and expanded?

Desire is malleable. Desire changes, and it changes based on many things, including our understandings of what’s hot, who’s a woman, and what lesbian and/or queer sex is. We become less transphobic by learning to see our cis privilege and recognizing instances of cissexism, transphobia, and transmisogyny when they occur. The more we do that, the more “real” trans women become to us, the more legitimately women they become to us—NOT that they need our approval. We do not do this because they need our approval as women; they are women whether we are able to see it and whether we act like it or not. We do this because we recognize that our perceptions are warped and incorrect, and because we want to see clearly. We do this because we are giant assholes when we can’t recognize all women as such, and we’d rather not be assholes. Therefore, what is being asked of us is that we take apart our desire, see its transphobia and transmisogyny, and then we remake it. For me, this is actually a core element of queerness, and don’t fucking tell me it’s impossible, because I do it all the time and so do tons of people out there. Once again: question your desire. Do more. See more. And hey, date more and fuck more, too.

More conversion therapy rhetoric about desire being malleable, asserting lesbians have a moral obligation to remake their sexual orientation to be both-sex attracted, and actually the gayest thing of them all is remaking yourself in order to stop being too gay.

Blog post (2015) on Transgender Forum by a male trans person in San Francisco.

Long, detailed reddit post (2013) about lesbians who won’t date male trans people.

Also, would you rule someone out because she had six toes? Whenever I hear a straight man ask how sex works in the absence of a penis, I feel sorry for his girlfriends/wife, because he clearly doesn't understand how sexytimes work; when I hear a lesbian rule out trans women because of the presence of a hidden penis I feel sorry for her partner, because how superficial is that?

BONUS: Occasionally a TRA recognizes the rape culture inherent in bashing people for not experiencing sexual attraction. (They almost never acknowledge the homophobia.) See:

Tumblr post “Should the cotton ceiling be overcome?”

Medium post “On Dating, Lesbians, Trans Women, and Gender Critical Feminism” (archive)

Changing the Definition to Win the Argument

Sometimes TRAs recognize the “cotton ceiling” is problematic and pretend it means something else in order to justify calling lesbians bigots. I’ve supplied abundant evidence here for what it means. Here are some sources that try to change the definition to win the argument:

SJ Wiki gives multiple “complementing” definitions, the primary definition being that male trans people are excluded from the “higher echelons” of same-sex attracted women (and then quoting multiple sources I already quoted here clarifying that “higher echelons” means sexual activities) (also claims the “cotton” in cotton ceiling refers to the underwear of male trans people, which…does not make it better)

In The Ugly Argument of the Cotton Ceiling the author claims it means men “pretending” to be male trans people to sleep with lesbians

Blog post arguing that cotton ceiling refers to how lesbians are scared of how people will react if they date male trans people (which ofc they’re dying to do!)

Blog post trotting out the claim that the cotton ceiling has nothing to do with banging lesbians or with lesbians at all and it’s all about male trans people’s feelings

Essay from a male trans person who appears to identify as a radical feminist, repeatedly cites Dworkin etc. He alludes to the cotton ceiling as a “privilege gradient” between lesbians and male trans people. His essay is only readable because women in the comments convinced him to change his wording to be less rapey. In the comments of a different essay, a commenter references the cotton ceiling by name.

I’ve also seen them use the terms “genital preference” or “sexual exclusion” to talk about the cotton ceiling without using the searchable term.

#cotton ceiling #homophobia #gender critical #rape culture #leftwing sexism #radfem safe #terfs do touch #things I post

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lions-and-tigers-ohmy · 1 year

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*A few (possibly) unpopular opinions re. Good Omens 2:

*Spoiler alert...

While I theoretically support any and all canonization of the Crowley/Aziraphale ship, I would still like to point out that:

1. Michael Sheen and David Tennant, both undeniably talented actors who've done a marvelous job portraying the emotional devotion between their characters, need to up their physical game. It's tiresome watching heterosexual men portraying kissing other men as stiff, unyielding, and downright wooden. If you're going for it - go for it, but with real passion. Which brings me to my second point -

2. Good Omens 2 feels like fanfiction of Good Omens. Its flimsy plot is not necessarily its main focus (nor strength), but rather the relationship between its main characters, and how their perception of it changes by seeing other relationships around them (Gabriel/Beelzebub, Maggie/Nina). This is Very Much a deviation from what Good Omens (the book) initially set out to be, and the transition is not smooth. Spending six hours only to have Crowley told off for playing matchmaker and seeing Gabriel and Beelzebub falling in love in a series of flashbacks does not a season make. Even as an avid 'shipper', this was not satisfying to watch. As Fifty Shades of Grey proved - fanfiction, even when extremely popular, doesn't necessarily make for good viewing material.

3. And while we're on the topic of fanfiction, I would like to take a hard left and point out one of the prime examples of what Great Fanfiction is: Anyone who is a fan of Good Omens and BBC's Sherlock fanfiction owes it to themselves to read manic_intent's 'Pater Noster' series. Will it make for good TV? Probably not. But if Good Omens' writers want to learn a thing or two about 'show, not tell' when it comes to how angels and demons fall in love - I highly encourage them to go read it (once they're done striking, of course).

Pater Noster by manic_intent on AO3

#good omens 2 #crowley/aziraphale #good omens #fanfiction #fanfic #ao3 #sherlock bbc #mystrade #ineffable husbands

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ignitesthestxrs · 2 years

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for the trope thing, omegaverse...?

B: Like it. Not one of my bigger cravings, but it can scratch a certain itch if I’m in the right mood.

god my position on omegaverse has really changed over the year. the truth is that like, uh when the mood hits there is a Particular Kind of omegaverse shit that i definitely will scour Ao3 for, but there's also the vast mjority of omegaverse content that i: fucking hate.

i wrote on tor dot com about this a bit! the resulting twitter response was so terrifying that i turned all my notifs off and locked my account for a bit and spent a week walking mental circles around my brain alternately going 'oh god i should never write an essay ever again' and 'no, it's the PEOPLE who are wrong'.

anyway i do think i could have articulated myself better, but also the people are still wrong because the amount of people who were getting mad at me for a) things i didn't say or b) things that were covered in like, the next paragraph of the essay was fucking wild.

all this to say i'm using this tumblr meme as an opportunity to excise my internet trauma, as god intended.

omegaverse comes from a fucked up history of fetishisation and the cis womanification of gay men. that's just uuuh the truth. it's a series of tropes that posits that sex and true love have biological imperatives, that the truest expression of attraction and/or romance revolves around pregnancy and uh Breeding, and in its original conception it imposes a very strict binary and structure on the concept of sex AND gender. the overall effect is to heterosexify gay men and like, phew, tiresome.

the thing is - the tHING IS :

a) if that's what gets you off, whatever lmfao. go for it. just like, admit that that's what you're doing? i do not have an issue with whatever kinks, i have an issue with people playing out something extremely fucked up and then calling it romance. love your extremely fucked up thing! do whatever you want! but admit to yourself (and your fic tags) what you are doing .

b) things can be fine on an individual level and weird on a group level. if someone says yeah wet buttholes are my thing then chase your bliss. if there is a Greater Fandom Trend of people liking a particular collection of tropes that all reflect a particular way of viewing queerness and queer behaviour, that speaks to a way in which queerness as a topic is thought about, written about, desired, expected. it's worthy of comment! it's interesting! if it's something you do, it is perhaps worth examining your own choices and behaviours to see where they are coming from and why you like them so much.

All That Being Said: there is some extremely fucking cool shit happening in the omegaverse space, driven by queer people in general and gender diverse people in particular. any time hard rules and structures exist around gender and sex, some enterprising queer is going to come along and tear that shit down and use the pieces to make something new. and that's so cool! i fucking love that shit! i love alpha lesbians with retractable cocks! i love omegas figuring out how to fuck without an alpha at all! i love the mixing and matching of anatomy, i love the trying different aspects of the collected omegaverse tropes out in new ways, i love people creating interesting new lore for betas, i love to have an oppressive omegaverse world in which all the worst parts of the tropes are normalised but your protagonists exist out side of that strict biosocial structure.

i love the unbound nature of sex and gender that is happening in this space, people are so clever and cool and creative and Queer. literally the piece of writing that has hit me in the bones re: my own sexuality and what i find arousing in a woman and the interplay of sex and gender and Sexual Roles was an omegaverse fic, i have never felt so Seen in my whole life.

in summary: as with every answer i've given to this meme lol It Depends

#hannah answers asks #fandom: meta #i'm gonna have to either remember my old tagging system or create a new one huh #hannah answers memes

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everypageofnicorobin · 1 year

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BLOG UPDATE

I understand that it can be quite an anticipated wait for new pages. However, until Shueisha releases Volumes 100 and onward in color, there's nothing I can do. I refuse to do AI or fanmade colorizations. I'm also against doing color spreads prematurely, as pages will not be in chronological order anymore.

On the topic of the blog's chronological order, I've realized it can be very tiresome to find specific pages of Nico Robin. Tumblr's search system is abysmal, and scrolling all the way down on my blog to arcs like Water Seven is a near impossible task.

(Highlighted = new tags, other = usual tags)

From here on out, on top of the usual tags, I'm also now including tags for the Volume number, Chapter number, and any other named characters that are drawn. This should make it easier to find specific pages.

(Before —> After)

Any page that has these updated tags will also have improved quality. This includes: higher quality rip [native res with touch-ups from Akraa], higher quality translations (copied from Viz), redrawn SFX (also from Viz), and in some cases improved commentary (the descriptions I put below).

These pages are being changed with the "Edit" feature rather than being new posts altogether. This will preserve the chronological order, as well as any notes the post already has.

Some of the pages that have already been remastered include pages from Volume 97, 13, 15, 17, and 18. And of course all of Volume 99 was already done in this format. Again, because of Tumblr's terrible search system, these pages might not pop up even if searched by tag. The only foolproof way I know of to find a page is to use the Tumblr archive for this blog. Every post is in chronological order and can be narrowed down by the month they were posted (Posting began on August 2017). If the page you were looking for is found, a reblog would be highly appreciated, as popular posts are more likely to be found in searches.

Redrawn SFX is a taxing endeavor, and there's over 1000 pages of Nico Robin. This will not be done overnight. However, I hope that if I can do just a few pages per week, or even just a few pages a month, this can be some new activity on the blog worth looking forward to.

#Unrelated but #Happy Pride Month

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subgadgets · 2 years

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Snapchat is a great medium for sharing images, photos, and even your thoughts. Additionally, if you want to share your text or movies with a specific someone or your loved ones, you can do so. Nearly 330 million users are currently active worldwide. Despite having no age restrictions, young people are the majority of Snapchat users. This platform is open to everyone, therefore feel free to submit your thoughts and photographs on many topics.

If you're new to Snapchat or are considering creating an account, you might want to do yourself a favour and become familiar with a few things. You can work on it flawlessly with the aid of this.

This article will teach you how to add someone to Snapchat secretly and explain what a Snapchat add is. Therefore, how can you add someone to your Snapchat account secretly?

How do I add someone on Snapchat secretly?

Use their email address only. This information is available in their Snapchat bio. It might be there if you go there. Then, without their knowledge, you can add them to your account. Obtaining their phone number from someone else would be a different approach.

They might have a friend or a sibling in that person. This secret Snapchat add-by-search technique is typically utilised by someone you have feelings for. It can also be utilised by lovers.

When the contact has public privacy settings, everyone can see the photos. You can only view the snaps, though, if you activate the friend-only privacy setting. Of course, you have to be sure they haven't also blocked you. Later on in the post, we will go into more detail about this. In that situation, you should send a message and then check to see if it was received. Once the communication has been sent, you are aware that you are not being banned.

You should take that as a positive sign and thank them for agreeing to your request. Giving this approach a try when you really like someone won't do any harm. It stands to reason that you might not want to flirt with a complete stranger.

What Does Snapchat's Add by Search Mean? When using Snapchat, you could occasionally run into the phrase "added by search." Why does that matter? You can access all of the app's features thanks to the addition of search. You can now make new acquaintances and maintain your friendship with them. Someone has searched you on Snapchat, as shown by the added by the search. Perhaps someone is using the search page to attempt and locate you. You most likely have another explanation for why your name appears on the app.

They were using Snapchat's quick search feature to look up your name. When someone adds you to their friend list using Snapchat's "added by search" feature, it just implies that they found you while using the app.

The individual who was looking for you can be seen. You can look at the fast add males before selecting the option to add friends. You may look up the person who added you. As you can see, nobody needs to know your name because anyone can find and add you with simply your username.

On Snapchat, how do you add someone again? We'll read about how to add someone again on Snapchat right away. It can be tiresome at times to re-add someone on Snapchat. Maybe you accidentally deleted their name and now you want it back.

Finding Snapchat pals is hassle-free. In fact, it's quite easy. You can use Snapchat's quick add function. Let's look at how to add the person you want again. That person needs to be unblocked.

That is accurate. You're good to go once you unblock that person. If you choose to unblock that person, you will be prompted to do so. Send that person a new buddy request right away. If you unintentionally blocked someone on Snapchat, you might not be able to add them again.

There are limitations on how long you can block someone on Snapchat. It can take up to 24 hours for them to become active again when you want to add them again. Additionally, the software doesn't let the user know if they've been blocked or unblocked.

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andsmile · 4 years

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I really wanna know if even a little part of you doesn’t feel like A doesn’t wanna lose V because he was already rejected by B? He was fully ready to risk it and didn’t even respond to “... and you love V right?” I know he loves V but that convo he had with B where she rejected him is the final thing that made me leave the V/A ship and want better for V. Or are you just looking at the silver lining. A just makes V doubt his feelings for her so much (with her “BFF” don’t even get me started on her) and I absolutely hate it so just broke away. She’s happy with him so if she ends up with him, good for her but how can she trust him fully again? I’ll just always feel like she deserves way better

Okay, time for an honest conversation about this, and I’m putting it under the cut because it’s gonna be long!

People cheat. Real people cheat everyday for a lot of reasons, and when someone cheats on someone else, it rarely is because “OMG I am so in love with this other person that isn’t my S/O that I cannot CONTROL myself anymore”, although fiction often justifies it like that. 95% of the times people cheating has to do with something going on inside themselves--sometimes it’s not even because their relationship sucks. Sometimes it’s because they’re seeking reassurance, sometimes it’s a matter of ego, and sometimes it’s a matter of confusion. Cheating isn’t a nice thing and it’s not something that needs to be forgiven so easily or at all, but it’s something that happens. Some people can forgive being cheated on; some people can’t.

Now, Archie Andrews isn’t a real person, and neither is Betty or Veronica or Jughead. They’re all written to act in a certain way, and sometimes the way they are written doesn’t make any sense. It makes zero sense to me for Betty to cheat on Jughead and Archie to cheat on Veronica when they did. Ok, they had their brief fake dating thing and possibly some feelings that were buried (don’t even get me started on how the narrative never showed this but anyway) but there’s absolutely nothing in the narrative that backs up their point of view with the cheating, that they’d gravitate towards each other and start this emotional affair out of nowhere because they were having problems with their S/O’s. So, why they cheated? Remains to be understood. My guess? Drama. Shock value.

The following episode was written to expose Betty’s reasons for the cheating--she was caught up in nostalgia and wanted to feel safe since everything was changing. Archie was not given the same chance of point of view exploration, so you just see him being confused and, well, willing.

The little POV we have from Archie is when he talks with Fred’s grave and says he doesn’t know where his heart is pointing. He says he doesn’t want to lose or hurt Veronica. He clearly just wanted to have a ~moment with Betty to be sure of whatever he was feeling for her--it’s even what his stupid song says, that they have to try to find out what’s up. Betty shuts him down and doesn’t let him try. I know he didn’t answer that he loved Veronica when Betty asked the second time, but his answer wasn’t “No, I don’t love her,” (love doesn’t work like this anyway). His answer was, “but then what is this all about?” referring to their emotional tryst. If they weren’t going anywhere with it and they loved their S/O’s, why were they even doing anything? Then, he admitted to his mom that he was being flaky and that he needed a fresh start.

Now, the season was interrupted and according to RAS, I think Archie possibly will be given a point of view about his confusion and why was he so willing to start something with Betty. We don’t know! It’s hard when we don’t know. But, honestly, as an Archie fan and especially as an Archie and Veronica fan, I think that Archie has never before made her doubt his feelings. Honestly, he’s always proven himself and his love for her, in numerous occasions, when the fandom was always expecting him to let the other shoe drop. Yes, this time he did act flaky and it might have something to do with Betty--of course with Betty whatever happened would be more significant than with any other girl, they do have history. When it comes to Archie’s character in the comics and in general, it’s always Veronica or Betty for him, normally B when Veronica isn’t there--but it’s definitely a lot more about himself and his own confusion, how lost he’s feeling with his future and his life since his dad died. A few times we saw Veronica and Archie saying they didn’t know where they were going in the future, and that might’ve contributed as well--the uncertainty of their own future. Not trying to justify that he cheated, but Betty did get an explanation, and I expect that we might still have one for Archie too, and that might be crucial with how I view this ship in canon.

It sucks that the writers didn’t write this better. It also sucks that they write Veronica as someone who’s confident in so many things but so insecure when it comes to Archie...but that’s because it’s Betty. And I don’t think it’s because of their shared history or anything, it’s because Veronica views these two kids as the second coming of Jesus, since she doesn’t think she’s a good person. Both her and Jughead have this tendency of seeing Archie and Betty as the purest, best thing that ever happened and they’re the evil that touched them and fucked it up, so why would Archie ever choose her instead of B, in her mind? And I absolutely hate that she tricks herself into being insecure about Betty but that’s how the writers write her, and that’s not on Archie or how he acts. Before the cheating plot he never gave her a reason to doubt his feelings for her, and she always does when is someone she feels inferior to.

(If we take into account that this is a latina character feeling inferior to two white characters so many things are wrong, but anyway)

If she’s written to forgive Archie and to trust Archie again, if Archie is written to love her more than anything again, she will forgive and trust Archie, Archie will love her, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. And I am pretty sure this is where this is heading, whether it’s satisfactory or not. Some ships I can forgive after the writing screws them up. I did it with Brucas. I did with Stelena. Some ships I cannot forgive because I am presented with a better option: I didn’t forgive Chair, and I started shipping Dair.

Now, does Veronica deserve better? I don’t think she deserves better than Archie himself. I think Archie is a good boyfriend for her despite his latest screw up. What I do think is that she deserves to be better written as a character and not to feel inferior to him or Betty, and not to always go back to her father regardless of their emotional abuse. I think she deserves to be strong in other points of her life and maybe holding her head up with Archie is one of those points, but we don’t know what’s coming, so I probably am looking at the silver lining. What’s better than Archie for her in canon so far? We don’t have it. The Riverdale girls don’t have a lot of options when it comes to love interests, do they? Especially the WOCs. Reggie, arguably, but he asked too much of her and dropped her too, and lowkey manipulated her into things. She was not in love with him as she was with Archie. We are not going to see her with a good new love interest, we are not going to get her around Jughead or Cheryl or other potential ships, so why not root for the redemption of the ship I already love?

So, yeah, as much as it’s hard to cheer for canon Varchie and being a Veronica fan in this moment given these writing choices, I choose to cheer for them knowing that there’s no character destruction without character redemption, and also looking at them through some other lenses. I have learned to separate fanon from canon from the comics from whatever. Ideally, Riverdale would be better written, but it’s not. That’s why we have fanfic and that’s why I don’t wanna watch the show anymore. But I’ll keep on supporting canon Varchie as long as I find that they can overcome the obstacles in their way--Archie’s confusion might be one of them, if it’s written to be.

Now, mwah! Hope you have a nice week.

#rd negativity #anti b*rchie #re: this tiresome topic #anon #reply

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mikalara-dracula · 2 years

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🚗 How the Sakamaki Brothers drive hcs—

Warning: 18+ content below; don't read if you're a minor and aren't comfortable with this topic/cursing. This is a fictional work and should not be taken seriously.

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Made these with: @liannelara-dracula

Note: This is a re-upload since Tumblr was being glitchy last night...

Shu:

🚗 This asshole knows how to drive.

🚗 He just refuses to get his license because Reiji will send him out to do errands.

🚗 So, to avoid that and because he’s lazy, he just takes the limo.

🚗 But bear in mind that he does own a car, several actually.

🚗 He probably owns cars that do certain technical things on their own, so he doesn’t have to do much.

🚗 Such as cars that have automatic doors and backhatchs, and ones you can start with the push of a button rather than keys.

🚗 He just wouldn’t get a car that requires more work. If he sees convenience, he’s doing it. It’s the lazy ass in him.

🚗 Doesn’t go out much, it’s just when he’s tried everything at home and is now desperate for some quite.

🚗 Although he may know how to drive, he’s not exactly the most careful driver.

🚗 He’s pretty careless actually and doesn’t give a shit if he bumps/runs into things since Karl’s insurance will take care of the damages.

🚗 But if he just so happens to crash into one of Karl’s precious statues or buildings that he owns, he’s paying for it both in money and punishment.

🚗 So, he stears clear of shit Karl owns.

🚗 Accidentally reversed into the mansion’s foyer once since he was half asleep and accidentally stuck the gear shift into reverse instead of forward.

🚗 And you can imagine Reiji’s endless lecture after that lmao xDD.

🚗 His reaction would literally be this, whilst Laito is telling him to calm down like in the vid.

🚗 Parks like shit—like, the car's ass hangs slightly out of the parking space, making it difficult for others to park next to him. Kinda like this.

🚗 And most of the time, he parks like this to piss people off.

🚗 Has a habit of driving with one hand, two is just too tiresome.

🚗 He never checks his mirrors, so he doesn’t know what’s behind him.

Reiji:

🚗 Very professional and cautious when driving.

🚗 The guy looks like a chauffeur when he’s driving since he’s so precise.

🚗 Plus, he drives with his gloves and ALWAYS with both hands on the wheel.

🚗 The guy’s a stiff board when driving, like he’s not relaxed or placing his back against his seat.

🚗 Always checks the mirrors, gears, tire pressure and everything else before taking off.

🚗 If his brothers are riding with him, he always reminds them to put on their seat belts before he takes off and literally watches them put them on to make sure they actually do it.

🚗 Follows the law like it’s an oath.

🚗 Doesn’t allow talking when he’s driving.

🚗 Forbids anyone to drink or eat in his car, especially when he’s driving.

🚗 He was once driving his brothers somewhere and he accidentally ran the red, and they gave him such a hard time for it—until this very day even.

🚗 Although he follows the law to the T, he has a horrible habit of going a little slower than the speed limit.

🚗 He usually stays about 10 mph below the limit because he wants to have control of the car in case another driver ends up crashing ahread of him, that way he has time to stop or shift over into another lane to avoid the scene.

🚗 Once got a ticket for going too slow on the road and he debated with the officer for two hours.

🚗 One time Ayato pranked him by making him think that he was being pulled over by the cops by playing a fake siren noise with his phone.

🚗 Everyone was laughing but Rei was so worried he did something wrong.

And when he realized it was a prank he was so mad, he literally stopped the car and told him to get out.

🚗 Overall, Reiji's pretty confident when performing all different sorts of maneuvers, but he gets a little tense with any sort of parking because he believes it's got to be absolutely perfect and centered.

🚗 He literally brings a protractor and tape measure to ensure both sides of the car are parked at an equal distance from the white border lines.

🚗 Has only one car and treats it as if it were his child.

🚗 Brings it to the car wash every week and has it polished. He also has the interior cleaned and sterilized.

🚗 Reiji probably drives something like a black Lexus since it’s classy. He really doesn’t want any other car because he thinks it’ll be too flashy for him.

Laito:

🚗 He named his car after one of the women he slept with because it reminded him of her.

🚗 Plus, he probably had sex with her in a car, so that’s probably why lmao.

🚗 Laito probably drives something along the lines of a Mercedes-Benz C-Class Coupe since it’s flashy and luxurious.

🚗 Anyways, he’s pretty fluid driver.

🚗 He’s not tense and is actually super relaxed when driving.

🚗 Probably goes driving the most out of his brother to get out of the house.

🚗 Or really just to pick up girls.

🚗 But, he isn’t the greatest driver though.

🚗 Gets confused with turn signals.

🚗 So, he'll signal a right and then go left.

🚗 Has ran a few reds.

🚗 Has crossed the double lines

🚗 Is bad with direction. So, instead of a right on a red, he’ll do a left.

🚗 Has made out with a chick while driving.

🚗 Don't ask me how he did it.

🚗 His car has really heavy air freshener, like it almost makes anyone gag from how strong and concentrated it is.

🚗 He checks the mirrors before taking off, but not in a way you’d imagine.

🚗 He like fixes his hair, admires his complexion and compliments himself.

🚗 And if by chance Subaru’s with him, he’s definitely going to tell him off and to start the fucking car.

🚗 Likes to wear sunglasses when driving cuz he thinks he looks fashionable.

🚗 Never removes his fedora in the car.

🚗 Unless he wants to get rough ;)))

🚗 If by chance he’s driving and sees a hot chick, he’ll look back and get distracted enough to the point that he’ll crash into something.

🚗 Or if he’s at a stop sign and sees a chick a finds attractive and she looks his way, he’ll unbutton a few buttons on his shirt to ‘entertain’ her.

🚗 God wtf.

🚗 If Laito’s driving a girl somewhere, he angles the mirror to get a view of her chest or legs.

🚗 He's a mess when driving up or down slopes.

🚗 When driving up one, he steps on the gas so hard to ensure he makes it up because he doesn't fully trust the car.

🚗 When going down a hill, he gets pretty aggressive with the break because he's worried he'll lose control and bruise/wreck his face if he gets into an accident.

🚗 Oh and fun fact, he likes to keep lubricants and condoms on his front dash or where the middle glovebox/gear shift is.

🚗He wants got pulled over because he accidentally left his fog lights on. Although because the cop was female he thought he could convince her to let him off easy.

🚗 “Oh please, can’t we just make a deal?” He’d beg.

🚗 “Not a chance, princess.” The cop would say.

🚗 And no matter what, he ended up with a ticket.

Kanato:

🚗 At first, he didn’t want to learn how to drive. He thought it was pointless since the family’s chauffeur would take them anywhere they wanted to go, but Ayato and Laito convinced him to so he tried.

🚗 When he was first learning how to drive it was an adventure.

🚗 Ayato and Laito were in the car with him and were teaching him the basics, such as where the accelerator and brake pedals were, what the letters on the gear shift stood for, etc.

And the time finally came when Kanato had to actually drive and put what he learned into practice.

🚗 And this is where things got crazy.

🚗 The three of them brought the car over to a dry, vacant field attached to the manor so Kanato could practice using the accelerator and brake pedals.

🚗 He started the car and Ayato told him to go, so Kanato put the car in drive and floored it.

🚗 He ended up taking off really fast and Ayato and Laito were yelling at him to stop, but because this was his first time driving, he was getting the pedals mixed up.

🚗 So instead of hitting the brake pedal, he kept flooring the accelerator, which only led them to go faster and faster. They were practically screaming their heads off for him to stop.

🚗 “Brother, please! Are you trying to k!ll us?!” Laito would scream.

🚗 “Stop the car, you idiot!” Ayato would hiss.

🚗 “I can’t!” Kanato would shout.

🚗 Unfortunately, they eventually ended up crashing into a tree in the field.

🚗 And tbh, it was probably the only thing that could’ve stopped him.

�� And to make matters worse, the car they crashed was Reiji’s xDD.

🚗 And when Reiji found out, he was hysteric and the lecturing went on for a month after that incident.

🚗 After the accident, Kanato swore he would never attempt to drive again, but with Ayato and Laito taunting him about it enough and giving him the idea that he could pick up and drive chicks around, it sparked his interest to give driving another shot.

🚗 So, he began practicing again and he eventually got the hang of it.

🚗 And when this happened, he saved up and bought himself a car. Probably something compact like an antique Fiat 500.

🚗 And because Ayato and Laito were the ones that convinced him to learn how to drive in the first place, he figured he’d show them his new car.

🚗 “Well, here it is.” He’d say, motioning towards the car. “So, I want to know your opinions. What do you think of it?”

🚗 “Oh, brother, it’s so cute.” Laito would comment. “It’s small like you.”

🚗 And this led to a never ending argument that Ayato attempted to break up, but ended up getting solved because Reiji stepped outside because of their yelling.

🚗 Laito, Ayato and Subaru give him a hard time about his height and tease him about moving the seat forward a bit more, or having books for him to sit on so he can see.

🚗 The passager seat is only for Teddy. Subaru once made the mistake of sitting there and he yelled at him for it.

🚗 Kanato’s really tense when he drives. Like, there’s no relaxation since he’s easily vexed.

🚗 Road rage all the way.

🚗 Some guy cut him off once and he just lost it.

🚗 Which led him to honk the horn, flip the bird and roll down the window to tell the guy off.

🚗 Kanato can’t parallel park, it’s daunting and requires a lot of patience, something he doesn’t have.

🚗 He’s outrun the cops several times to avoid getting a ticket, and because he still has a lead-heavy foot from his early driving days, it comes all too easy to him to escape them.

Ayato:

🚗 Retook the drivers test 100 times before he got his license and even then, he barely passed.

🚗 He’s honestly no good at driving.

🚗 Because of his reckless driving, Karl doesn't allow him to have a good car.

🚗 He did once, but Ayato ended up ruining the car for a stupid reason so Karl figured it just wasn't worth getting him another one since he'd just repeat history.

🚗 He used to own a sports car, but now he just drives a small Saturn.

🚗 Puts tacky stickers on his car and you can bet he plastered one that says 'ore-sama is the best' on the back window.

🚗 Put hydraulics on his car so he can lift the front end up and down to show off.

🚗 He also put really flashy rims on the tires and it just doesn't match the paint job or the style of the car.

🚗 Bumps into everything and then drives off so he doesn’t get the blame.

🚗 So, apparently it’s canon that the Mukamis live across from the Sakamakis (but yards and yards away), and Ayato once crashed into their front gate and quickly took off with out a freakin’ word because remember, he doesn’t want to get the blame.

🚗 When Mukamis investigated the broken gate, they were just puzzled and questioned who could’ve done it.

🚗 Yuma instantly wanted to blame the Sakamakis but Ruki said he couldn’t because they didn’t have evidence.

🚗 So then, he moved onto another possibility.

🚗 “Oh my god, who would do this?” Kou would question, looking at the gate.

🚗 “Obviously the people who don’t like your music—that’s who!” Yuma would retort.

🚗 And you can best bet, the bickering between those two didn’t end for a while. xDD

🚗 Ayato has tried to break speeding records.

🚗 But with this, he’s gotten caught for speeding and has received various tickets in the past.

🚗 Even for other fouls too, such as parking and driving on the wrong side of the road.

🚗 Has received the most tickets out of his brothers, and possibly had his license revoked once.

🚗 Has tried to drive with his feet.

🚗 Like Laito, he likes to drive with his sunglasses on.

🚗 Gets confused with alternating one foot between the accelerator and brake, which is one of the main reasons why he ends up crashing.

🚗 Oh, and he drives with no shoes on.

🚗 Likes to race people—like, if he senses that someone is trying to show off, he’ll do the same and try to race them.

🚗 He has even raced the Mukamis since they were side by side on the road once and he just felt the need to show off.

🚗 Ruki was driving and he didn’t mind this little competition. He actually found it amusing.

🚗 But it was short lived because Ayato ended up getting careless and crashed.

🚗 His car is disgusting on the inside, it smells like something died in there. There’s just a bunch of trash in his car—from candy wrappers, empty bags of chips, melted chocolate on the seats, don’t ask about the last one.

🚗 Since he likes to break records and troll people, he thought it would be clever to drive in his bat form once.

🚗 This way he’d throw off everyone who was driving on the road alongside him.

🚗 People would turn their heads to find a bat steering the wheel.

🚗 It got so bad it went on the news and Reiji was waiting for him to get back and wondered why he was so late.

🚗 It wasn’t until he asked everyone in the living room why he was late that Shu pointed out that he was making history.

🚗 “Where on earth is Ayato? He’s supposed to be on time for our family dinner party.”

🚗 Shu would point to the TV and say, “Oh, you don’t know? He’s busy being on channel five.”

🚗 This made Reiji shocked and also very disappointed. He watched the TV with his arms crossed. “That incompentent fool is blowing our cover! Just think what will happen if father sees this?! That footage must be deleted at once!”

Subaru:

🚗 Is the best driver out of all his brothers.

🚗 He knows how to do every driving manuver, but is sorta rough while doing them.

🚗 He’s reckless, but the guy never hits people when he drives, others hit him.

🚗 Which sends him into overdrive since he doesn’t like the idea of ppl fucking up his car.

🚗 Has multiple cars and treats them like they’re his babies. He mostly owns vintage cars. Like a 1965 Black Falcon with a convertible top for example.

🚗 The most vintage car he owns is probably a 1957 Chevy Bel Air Coupe.

🚗 He even owns a few motorcycles. Probably a few Harley Davidson ones.

🚗 Has the most vehicles out of his brothers since he likes to drive. It's also because he likes to work on them.

🚗 Rejet make mechanic!Subaru canon plz.

🚗 Spends a lot of time polishing them too.

🚗 One time, Ayato leaned on one of his cars and he was getting pretty antsy about it.

🚗 The triplets are always teasing Subaru about buying an actual Subaru and he gets ticked every time.

🚗 Has a soft spot for one of his cars and secretly named it after a girl.

🚗 Keeps a flask of alcohol under the driver’s seat.

🚗 He’s a good driver but he will cut people off if he deems it necessary. It’s his version of saying fuck you on the road.

🚗 Has definitely flipped people off on the road when they’ve pissed him off.

🚗 Has gotten a few speeding tickets from time to time.

🚗 He switches lanes to get somewhere faster, and ends up getting honked at for it.

🚗 An impatient driver, the guy’s always yelling and cursing at people to move.

🚗 Keeps a lace garter from a girl he once knew decades ago in the glove box of one of his cars as a secret souvenir.

🚗 Laito once found it and teased him endlessly about it.

🚗 "Ooh, what's this? Is my little brother getting some lately? Care to spare some details?"

🚗 “Tch! I ain’t tellin’ you shit. Fuckin’ perv.” Subaru would retort.

🚗 Kou once bumped into his car and let’s just say Subaru wasn’t happy about it, especially because it was Kou out of all people.

🚗 “Aw, what a coincidence?” Kou would say. “Didn’t think I’d be bumping into you today out of all people.”

🚗 “Tch!”

🚗 Kou would of course try to weasel his way out of paying for the damages and attempt to strike a deal with Subaru. “Well, accidents happen. Say, how about we make a deal? How about we-,”

🚗 “No! You hit it, you’re paying for it, asshole!” Subaru would hiss.

🚗 Remember, don’t hit his precious cars.

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bellatrixobsessed1 · 3 years

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Fading Falsehoods (Last Part)

Kind of leaving this one very open ended. Partially because I don't want to risk dragging this fic out for too long now that the main plots have been resolved. But also because I'm itching to move onto the next fic (which will either be the Hama and Azula one or the Sokkla one). Thanks so much everyone for all of the amazing and encouraging comments and all of the support before/during my week long break.

Azula pulls at her robe and lays back down, her hair dripping. “You smell nice.” Suki comments. “How was your first council meeting as Fire Lord?”

Truth be told, it was overwhelming.

Truth be told, she isn’t sure if likes being the Fire Lord.

Truth be told, she’d like a break more than anything else–she’d like to figure out exactly what she likes and wants. But it doesn’t seem as though there is any room for that. It is easier to just shrug. Easier to reply, “No different from the ones I attended as a princess—my opinions are valued above all others.” She makes herself comfortable under the bed sheets.

“What was it about?”

“A reform.” She lays herself down and yawns. Such a taxing topic it was. Such a personal one. “I’ve decided to begin evaluating the state of all of our mental health facilities. The Golden Scale will be shut down and a few people will be on trial…” Agni, she doesn’t even want to think about the headache that, that will be once it begins.

“Well that sounds…powerful.”

“It’s tiresome.” Azula confesses.

Suki brushes her damp bangs out of her eyes. “Are you at least adjusting to your new title well?”

Azula bites her lower lip but nods anyhow. “But it might help if you say it a few times.”

If Suki notes her discomfort, she doesn’t mention it. Instead she brings her lips to hover over Azula’s ear and murmurs, “Fire Lord Azula.”

Fire Lord Azula—it is a far cry from being a nameless, neglected patient. And she is a far cry from that hollow, ravaged soul that she had been.

“I suppose that it is a little bizarre.”

Suki ti8lts her head.

“To be wearing the crown. I…I didn’t think that I would.” SHe swallows. “I thought that I was going to die in there, suki.” She takes the woman’s hand and guides it to her ribcage. “I thought that I would die known as a disgraced princess.” And maybe that is why she can’t bring herself to smear Zuko’s name. Whatever bad blood they had, she will let him have his legacy as the Fire Lord who kick started an era of peace. Nevermind that, that era had begun with her undoing and unrest.

“Well you didn’t. You’re here, Azula.” She slips her hand under Azula’s shirt and slides it down to her hips. It puts a nervous yet pleasant tickle in the Fire Lord’s tummy.“You’re here and you’ve accomplished so much. It’s only been a few months.”

She thinks that it might take a few more to re-adjust to talking to so many people and so much. Re-adjust to feeling important.

Feeling loved.

Feeling dignified.

She kisses the crook of Suki’s neck. It is different. Everything is so different than she had planned. Frankly she is relieved for it, she thinks that her original plan would have left her as emotionally hollow as the Golden Scale had left her physically so.

She feels Suki’s hand trace over her middle and her lips brush against her forehead. And then against her lips and then her collarbone. And Azula cups Suki’s cheek, stroking it with her thumb.

.oOo.

Suki chuckles to herself. She isn’t surprised to see Azula clinging to her body pillow. She buries her face in its cloth. And then she rolls over. Suki is less surprised to feel the Fire Lord wiggle her way closer. With a sleepy little murmur Azula latches onto her. Raava knows that Suki’s nights wouldn’t be the same without Azula cuddling her–not that she is allowed to call it cuddling or snuggling.

She strokes Azula’s silky locks. There is no longer a trace of her former confinement, other than those small scars. She traces along the ones on her back and, with her free hand, rubs the one on her wrist.

She thinks that Azula has woken up at some point. But the Fire Lord doesn’t flinch away from the touches. If anything, they seem to soothe her, enough to put her back to sleep. This is a good night for her, for once her sleep is untroubled. For once she isn’t tossing and turning and mumbling about Zuko or the Golden Scale.

Suki hugs her back, squishing the Fire Lord as tightly as Azula usually holds her. She is so warm. Warm and small. For all of her prowess, her small frame is plenty apparent when she is snuggled up so close. Suki can feel her breath on her neck. Raava, now that the woman has her strength back, her cuddles can be constricting. Just part of her charm, Suki supposes. She will just have to squeezed back until Azula gets the point and loosens her hold.

She laughs to herself—she had imagined her future going in so many directions.

She had imagined living on Kyoshi Island with her girls, single and untethered. And then she had imagined herself eloping with Sokka or brining him to stay on Kyoshi Island with her. Never had she imagined that she would be laying in a Fire Nation bed with a Fire Lord.

Never had she imagined that she would be holding a slumbering Azula.

.oOo.

Azula finds herself busy more often than not. When she is not at meetings or signing paperwork she is tweaking old policies and re-writing dated laws.

It is a curse and a blessing–she hasn’t had time to fester in her mourning. She hasn’t had time to question herself and whether or not she is suited for the throne. She supposes that if she weren’t suited for it she would have been overthrown or emotionally devastated by now.

But it also doesn’t leave her enough time for a fulfilling social life.

Now that she has some, she intends to make the most of it. Azula smooths out her gown and, for the time being, casts her Fire Lord regalia aside.

“You ready?” Suki asks.

Azula nods. She can’t believe that it has taken this long for them to have a chance at a real date. A real first date. She has taken Suki to upscale dinner parties many times over, she isn’t sure why her tummy is queasy now.

Suki flashes her a smile; she looks absolutely lovely. She has her hair bound up with an elaborate gold and jade encrusted headpiece. It compliments an obi of light green and cream with a hem of embroidered leaves. She has put on a light layer of soft pink lipstick and soft brown eyeshadow.

Azula hopes that she looks just as alluring. For a change, she feels as though she might just.

“You look nervous.” Suki comments.

Azula finds herself mighty thankful that she can tell a fib every now and then. “I am not. I am perfectly confident. As I should be.” She holds her chin up. Truthfully she is one correctly placed kiss or one well-thought out comment away from becoming a flustered mess.

Suki chuckles, “if you say so.” And one such kiss finds her flushing cheek.

Azula holds her hand out and Suki helps her into the pellinquin. It is rather nice to have this again after so many months of foot blistering, ankle swelling walking in the swamp. Her feet are only just beginning to heal fully. She finds that she isn't’ quite as sore anymore in general. Her back no longer aches and her muscles no longer throb so incessantly.

The ride is rather short form the plane to the very center of Caldera City; it doesn’t leave much time for getting cozy in the pellinquin and basking in the opulence of it. Not that the ride is the most important part of the night. She and Suki step out onto the street. Above them the stars glitter and gleam, a fine spray of sparkling dust. IF she had chosen to look, Azula would have seen several falling stars. Instead she finds herself looking into Suki’s eyes. This is boundlessly more beautiful.

She can see the reflection of candles in her eyes. And there are plenty of candles, they line the surrounding tables, rest upon the railings of nearby restaurants and food carts, and circle the four tiers of a golden dragon fountain. Their light scintillates in the water as soft twinkles.

Azula gestures to a table at the very center of it all. “Have you ever tried traditional spiced udon noodles?”

Suki shakes her head.

“I also brought some mochi, it is absolutely divine.”

Suki chuckles. “Mai mentioned that mochi is your favorite food.”

Azula finds herself a seat and nods. She lears her throat. “Thank you for giving this a chance.” She gestures about the candlelit square.

“Of course” Suki smiles. “ I have a feeling that you’ve got some elaborate over the top plans.”

Azula shakes her head. “Just a traditional Fire Nation candlelit dinner. Sometimes simplicity is optimal.”

“It’s nice.” Suki agrees. “Thank you.” She presses a kiss to Azaula’s forehead. She picks up a ball of mochi and pops it into Azula’s mouth.

“Would you like to sit on the fountain with me? When I was a child, sometimes mother and father would take Zuzu and I here. I used to sit on the fountain and look at the stars with mother.”

“That sounds relaxing.”

“It was something–one of the only things that we actually bonded over. That and theater. Perhaps I can take you to see a show for our next date.”

“I’d like that a lot. Ember Island Players?”

Azula crinkles her nose, “that’s your only experience with Fire Nation theater? Oh Agni, we’ll have to change that promptly.”

“Let’s finish this date first!” Suki laughs.

“Right.” Azula agrees, she pats her lap and Suki sits upon it. Azula kisses the top of her head and circles her arms around the woman’s middle. “Are you enjoying yourself so far?”

Suki nods, “this is nice. Quiet. It’s kind of really wonderful to have some quietness and nothing.to do or worry about. No world to save or spirits to run from…” She trails off and for a good long while there is silence.

Until Azula breaks it, “thank you for giving me a chance…” Perhaps she should thank her for her patience as well. “I thought that ]I would just be alone for…” for the rest of her life.

“You won’t have to worry about that anymore. I promise.” And when Suki cups her hand over Azula’s, the Fire Lord finds that she believes her. “I was thinking about going to look for mother. The throne has been difficult for me and I think that she can help.” If they can reconcile. She could help her find a certain peace of mind in more ways than one.

Suki gives her hand a squeeze. “I think that, that would be good for you.”

“And I was thinking of speaking with father and uncle–resolving some things that need settling.”

“I think that would be a…and intimidating idea. You’re making a lot of big goals.”

“But they need to be accomplished. If I can survive…everything else, I can do this.”

“Understandable.” Suki flexes their fingers.

“I am going to leave Mai in charge when I go to the Earth Kingdom.”

“You’re going to talk to Iroh first?”

Azula nods. “He needs to know about Zuzu, about what he did to me. About how he died.” She stares at her hands, tries to focus on the warmth of Suki’s. “We’ve got a lot of other things to talk about. I’d like to get the hard one out of the way anyhow.”

“Talking to him is harder than talking to your mother?”

“Mother still needs to be tracked down. I’ll speak with uncle in the meantime. And besides, I promised the Avatar that we would have tea and berries again.” Tea and berries when she is well and thriving. Tea and berries for leisure and not healing. Tea and berries with friends. Tea and berries for a new start.

Azula smiles and rests her chin on Suki’s shoulder.

She thinks that her fresh start, a real fresh start has begun at last.

#Avatar The Last Airbender #Azula #Suki #Azuki #Aang #Katara #Sokka #Mai #Fanfiction

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constitutionalweasleymonarchy · 2 years

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ANDY: Sunday

From the flash fic collection Days That End In Y

prompt: fireworks

(This ficlet also submitted for @perceptual-prompts open prompt challenge - prompt card #3 lyrics "one of those nights when you feel the fire is burning." Apologies for submitting early for this prompt card - I'm also on this chronological posting schedule for my overall 30 days of Percy fluff!)

On the scale of how Percy would enjoy spending his time, a New Year’s celebration fell somewhere between sorting out an extreme doxy infestation and testing some of George’s products in development.

It was an inherently awkward holiday if you weren’t partnered off, even if you weren’t otherwise bothered about that. Not that Percy was exactly swimming in invitations — but even spending it with family could be tedious. And forget absolutely anything to do with being anywhere near a pub.

So as London sparked with revelry, Percy checked his letterbox in the foyer of his building (for appearances, and to throw out junk mail). Two women cackled and clambered down the stairs on high heels, and Percy returned their holiday greeting absently, flipping through the post — all adverts — and tossing it in the bin. The ladies continued outside, exchanging flirtatious commentary with someone else, and when Percy heard the voice that replied he glanced up again.

It was his upstairs neighbour Andy, making his way inside with two bulging bags of shopping in his arms.

“Alright?” Andy greeted Percy when he saw him there. His cheeks were pink from the cold and his knitted cap a bit askew as he balanced his shopping and caught his breath.

“Alright. Can I help you with that?”

“Thanks.” Andy allowed Percy to take half his burden as they made their way upstairs.

Halfway up, Andy glanced referentially over Percy’s attire — joggers and a pullover.

“No plans for New Year?” he guessed.

“Nah.” Percy didn’t elaborate. “You?”

Andy shook his head. “I was meant to go to a big do, but I split up with someone a few weeks ago and didn’t really care to find new plans, you know?”

“Seems to be going around,” said Percy by way of neutral but personable response — even though it had been several months now since he’d split up with Cecily.

“Cheers, thanks,” said Andy when they’d reached the top floor and he’d unlocked his door. Percy handed over his shopping, wished him Happy New Year, and headed back to his own flat.

Not twenty minutes later, Percy heard a knock at his door. On the other side was Andy, rocking back a bit on his heels, his hands tucked halfway into the pockets of fitted trousers.

“Hey.” Andy ran a hand across the back of his neck before gesturing over his shoulder with his thumb. “Look, I was just gonna put a pizza in and watch the BBC. If you want to…” He shrugged.

It seemed innocuous enough, and Andy seemed nice enough, and it wasn’t as though Percy was opposed to making friends, and anyway it would be a bit rude to refuse, wouldn’t it?, and it wasn’t as though he had anything else to —

“All right,” he decided. He glanced down at himself, adding, “Should probably change, I suppose.”

“Not too fussed about it, mate. Dress code’s casual.”

“Right.”

The last few hours of Percy’s twenty-fifth New Year’s Eve were full of pizza (which did not set off any fire alarms) and beer and surprisingly easy conversation. Andy, it turned out, had three brothers, and commiserating on that topic alone could have fueled Percy for hours (or years).

Andy loved to talk — not in the way that Percy did, but the way some people have of cracking on about the smallest of things; unflaggingly cheery in a way that might become tiresome after a while but which was quite diverting in the moment.

Andy also got a bit giggly when he was tipsy, which was… adorable, frankly. Percy had never in his life applied that word to another man, but there it was, and Percy would have to sort out whatever the hell that was about later.

For now he kept watching Andy’s hands — gesturing as he talked, peeling the label off his beer bottle, resting carelessly at the end of an outstretched arm along the back of the sofa where they were sat; toned biceps flexing against the sleeves of his shirt. And when Andy clapped Percy on the shoulder as he got up to fetch another round, it sent a jolt straight down the centre of Percy’s body.

He tried not to think too much about it, but it was impossible in the hush that befell them at 11.59 — the air so thick you could get stuck in it; could do nothing but exchange flimsy smiles every so often as you waited for this moment in which you were not participating to pass.

The south-facing window was open a bit and it seemed Percy could hear the entire city counting down, and whilst the view was impeded, at midnight he could still see the glow of fireworks over the Thames.

“Happy New Year, hey?” he offered companionably as the streets outside erupted in shouts and cheers and song.

“Yeah.”

Andy’s hazel eyes met his brown and then they both looked away. Percy was sat very still, but he bit the inside of his lip, puffed up one cheek with air, concentrated on releasing it with a near-silent pop, because he needed to do something or else he’d —

“Fuck it,” they blurted out in unison, turning and snapping together like magnets — an artless meeting of lips at first, but not an ounce of hesitation in the embrace.

They stopped, breathless, pulled apart just enough to lock eyes again.

Percy hardly knew what to make of this; could hardly name his own feelings. But he also couldn’t hear the fireworks over the sound of his own heartbeat, and Andy was warm and solid, and really it was impossible to think under these conditions.

It was Percy who came back in for more, and Andy who let him, sighing into one another as the world sang and cheered the new year. They did not break away until long after the fireworks had stopped exploding; the neon glow fading over the Thames but still burning in his cheeks under the inferno of Andy’s hands.

#30 days of percy fluff #perceptualprompts2022 #percy weasley #hp fanfic #bisexual percy weasley #new year's eve #new year's eve kiss #percy weasley x oc #percy weasley fanfiction #ronsgirlfriday #days that end in y

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funkymbtifiction · 3 years

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Is it normal for 3w4 to be highly emotional and sensitive?

I mean, I'm very certain I'm 3w4 sp/so since everything makes sense and I can see it in everyday life - the good and the bad. But I've never related to being unemotional. I'm highly emotional and sensitive. I have strong emotional reaction to what I love and what I don't have. I cry easily and is generally experienced strong emotions, both good and bad.

It can be explained that I'm Fi-aux, so I should be emotionally aware. But you mentioned that ENFP 3 tend to fall into Ne-Te loop and being detached from Fi. I've almost never fallen into Ne-Te loop, like chasing what looks practical that will get me places, I always check in with myself if that's what I want to do and if this is 'me' (before strategizing how to monetize and make it work). And I'm actually quite lazy and not really seek out things to do all the time. I'll get my job done on time, but I won't be regimented about it, especially if I'm confident (and I'm usually confident) that I can do it.

I wonder if 4 wing in 3w4 is actually a lot stronger than many descriptions give it credit for. My emotions are overflowing. I feel my 4 wing strongly, including angst about what I 'cannot' have. Like, romantic relationship, family and a place for me to go back to. I can get emotional about it really quickly, like watching movie or talking to people about these topics. I deliberately deny it out of need for independence, but I also crave it so much that sometimes it hurts. And I pour it out through arts like music and writing, but I also know 4 is only a wing because my focus is still to be successful and accomplish whatever I set out to do and be the best person I could be for all to see.

If your wing is anything like mine, the motivations are mixed up into your core and influence it in particular directions, but it is nowhere near as 'strong'' as your core instincts. I am always a 6 and never a 7, but there are 7ish flavors and motivations behind my 6 (like avoiding commitments that may seem tiresome after a while, or re-framing things, or wanting to run away from anything hard and being angry that such things exist, since it forces me to deal with them).

There are a few things here that are interesting to me. 3s being ego types typically don't like to admit to their weaknesses -- yet you open up yours and expose them to me (your fears, your anxieties, your weaknesses), which is somewhat anti-3. After all, what are you sharing of yourself with me? You are exposing your soft underbelly to me. What impression am I left of you? If those things are not foremost in your mind, you may not be a 3 -- what image am I presenting here? what will she think of me? I should show my best side!

Do you deeply struggle with 3 things? Like being separate from giving yourself enough time to process your feelings? You can be an emotional 3, but not a 3 who easily accepts that "oh yes, I should spend more time with my feelings." 3s, to quote Scarlett O'Hara, "will think about that tomorrow" and tomorrow never comes, because they are busy doing, pursuing, and achieving. Dwelling in emotions and processing failures feels like slowing their pace. Suzanne Stabile says most 3s need to have a spectacular failure before they grow, because nothing else stops them dead in their tracks or rattles their ego enough to accept that they are invisible. And she said one 3 came up to her after hearing that, and asked, "How do I arrange for that to happen?" -- a typical 3 reaction of "oh, that's something else I need to get done, when shall I schedule it?" Treating it not as an emotional experience, but as a to-do checklist.

I would say if being humble, recognizing your own flaws, being able to admit them in public, and talk about them with others comes naturally to you, along with easily accepting that "oh, I don't HAVE to do things to be loved" ... then you are not a 3, because a 3 would struggle mightily against believing any of those things, being that emotionally vulnerable, and not re-framing things positively.

It's possible you have a strong 3 presence in your tritype, but you could have another core, in that 3 is a play zone for you (something you pursue and believe, but it doesn't feel incredibly painful to confront those aspects of yourself). For example, I have 2 in my tritype -- it's a bit "ew" to recognize that I help people expecting to get something in return, but I don't hang my ego on it, so I can shrug it off and stop doing it. If you can shrug off the idea that you can do and accomplish literally nothing in life and your friends will still like you, 3 is probably not your core.

Some of what you said is strongly 6ish, so I'd consider whether you might be a 639. (Being anxious and negative about relationships -- what if he abuses me or kicks me out and I have nowhere to stay? wanting connections and acceptance, but suffering from self-doubt about being good or smart enough at it.)

#question #ennagram #enneagram 3

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lilflowerpot · 4 years

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Soulmate AU where the marks on one person's skin show up on the other, but obviously they can't understand each other's writing, so Keith mostly just tries to express himself through art instead. So naturally, when he starts investigating the Blue Lion he starts drawing THAT too. Which is why, when Voltron shows up, Lotor is Dead Certain that the blue paladin is his soulmate, and he desperately tries to force himself to fall in love with Lance even while he's like "... Really? THIS guy?"

Lotor’s soulmate is not illiterate, but they may as well be. He’s compared their careless scrawl against every language in the Imperial data banks - thrice! - and it’s simply... not there.

“They’re a primitive,” Ezor nods sagely from where she’s half draped over his shoulder, eyeing the illegible lettering on his wrist with an entertained curl to her lips, “must be. Guess the universe wanted to counterbalance all your insufferable braininess.”

When Lotor shrugs her off with a snarl, she has the audacity to laugh.

Acxa’s kinder, or she tries to be, comforting him with the notion that if his soulmate is a primitive, they’re at the very least an educated one, or better yet of a more evolved society wherein knowledge of scripture is commonplace, so... they’re not feral.

Zethrid seems to half wish that they were, if only for the thrill of it.

“And the sex,” Ezor tacks on with an evil little grin, “the sex would have been fantastic.”

Her soulmate’s raucous glee drowns out any further discussion of the topic.

So they can’t communicate, not with words, but if Lotor’s soulmate is anything it’s tenacious (and the Prince can’t help but admire that). They come to the conclusion that pictures are the way to go, painting Lotor’s forearms with a veritable rainbow of quadrilaterals, each containing varying stripes and symbols, and then a series of dotted squiggles that Lotor is beginning to recognise as their approximation of a question.

The problem being he doesn’t actually know what it is that they’re asking.

There’s one rectangle - the majority of which is striped red and white, with a one contrasting quarter of stars in a blue sky - that his soulmate keeps coming back to, and Lotor realises it must be a clan symbol of a sort, indicative of their own people and culture, but... once again scouring Imperial logs turns up nothing of import. Frustrated, Lotor practically carves the hateful Imperial emblem into his palm with jagged lines of ink - Vrepit Sa - and turns in for the night.

In the morning, his arms are wiped clean.

They stay that way for a quintent.

Two.

On the third, he hears back, and it rocks his entire world view.

Kraliept Sa.

The lines are careful, deliberate, as if someone unfamiliar with the old scripture had taken great pains to transcribe that singular character, and Lotor quite simply can’t believe his eyes, because that would mean... that would mean that the only two things he knows of his soulmate are in direct contrast with one another: the first being that they are completely isolated from the Empire, and the second more impossible yet, that they have ties to the Blade of Marmora.

They continue this way for almost a decaphoeb, and it’s not perfect, but it’s something.

Lotor sends renderings of the stars, his ship, Kova, and in return his soulmate replies with sketches of the animals and sunsets and vast expanses of desert on an alien world.

One evening, they blur blues and greens into a perfect little marble on the inside of Lotor’s knee, an arrow pointing to one of the green patches labeled with a sequence of characters that the galra Prince is beginning to recognise as his soulmate’s name - though he can’t so much as begin to guess at how they might be pronounced - and so on the opposite knee Lotor paints Daibazaal, and then, because that feels inadequate, smears his thumb through the centre of the planet he no longer calls home, doodling a battalion of ships leaving the wreckage in a mass exodus, the children of an orphaned world.

And once more, his soulmate falls quiet.

It’s almost a full phoeb until they reach out again, and when they do Lotor finds them franctic, frightened, their little blue-green marble only the beginning; an entire solar system follows, complete with details such as what Lotor assumes must be an accurate number of moons on each planet for how deliberately they’re marked out, and then-

A ship.

It’s small and unassuming and positively archaic in design, but it’s a ship nonetheless, and as Lotor watches, his soulmate draws and erases and re-draws that same design until it’s traveled the length of his leg - thigh to ankle - and ‘lands’ on an unassuming moon of the most distant planet. They circle it with agitation, jabbing whatever implement they’re using to mark their own skin so violently that Lotor’s quite sure they must bleed under the force of it, but he doesn’t know what to say, let alone know how to say it if he did.

The next morning, his soulmate’s mural has gone.

The phantom ache of it remains.

They call him Champion.

Lotor only takes interest because of the timing, because of the circumstance, because it’s Sendak’s fleet that located these new lifeforms on a desolate moon in some distant corner of the universe, and of all Zarkon’s commanders he most of all has something of a reputation for toeing the line between cruelty and outright sadism.

The odds are one in a million, but that’s not a risk Lotor is willing to take.

He paints an obnoxious criss-cross of colour onto his own face that will be impossible to hide or mistake for anything other than what it is, and sends his generals to ascertain whether the Champion or either of the two lifeforms that accompanied him - soon to be subject to the work camps - share the mark.

They don’t, not one of them, and so Lotor chalks it up to coincidence and moves on.

Finding what could almost be mistaken for the legendary Blue Lion on the back of his hand only for Voltron proper to re-emerge into the universe after thousands of decaphoebs with the Champion himself allegedly at the helm, is not so easily written off.

And this time, when his soulmate abandons him to cold silence, it feels final.

Thayserix was very much a spur of the moment decision, but Lotor has never been so glad of such impulsivity as he is now, with the blue Lion of Voltron having been stolen from the thick mists and safely in his grasp.

Though, it’s not the lion that interests him.

Yes she’s a beautiful beast of considerable power, but in this case it is quite literally what’s on the inside that counts, that being of course Lotor’s soulmate... or so he’d thought.

Princess Allura of Altea cannot be them.

At least he certainly hopes not.

She’s lovely, in theory, but they’ve been in a stalemate for the past varga with her sullenly refusing to so much as consider entertaining Lotor’s attempts at hospitality, let alone conversation, and instead quite stubbornly standing with both her guard and weapon raised.

“I really would simply like to speak with-”

“Release me.”

Her end of things has consisted solely of those two words, and the monotony of it all really is growing rather tiresome.

Narti saves him from another repetitive bout, slinking into his mind and whispering that the rest of Voltron have located them far more quickly than Lotor would have thought possible.

The worst part is he’s almost grateful.

“Very well,” he growls, temper wearing thin, “your friends are here to collect you Princess, perhaps they will be more amenable to a little tête-à-tête, hm?”

They are not.

“Release Allura,” is the first thing to pass the dark-haired Paladin’s lips, teeth bared and tongue sharp, and it takes everything Lotor is not to simply concede on the spot.

“Frankly, I would love to,” he spits, gratified by how completely this blindsides the lot of them, every face on the holoscreen struck blank by his immediate compliance. “I do not believe she is the individual I am looking for, nor does she seem inclined to assist me in locating whosoever is. Answer my questions, and you are welcome to her and the blue Lion both.”

“We... We are?” It’s an older gentleman who speaks up, the only other altean among them.

“Absolutely,” Lotor hisses, and then graciously concedes: “the mistake was mine. I simply wished to open a dialogue with who I had assumed to be the blue Paladin, but as she is of a background that would doubtless have allowed us to communicate in galra script, that no longer seems the case.”

Their group look like they’re going to ask him to further explain what must sound to the lot of them nonsense... all except the black Paladin whose eyes have gone wide on some personal revelation, whispering “you,” as if he can’t believe his ears, only to spit out an obscenity before repeating himself with all the fury of an imploding star. “You!”

There are several exclamations of “Keith-!” as those violet eyes narrow to slits, the man smacking his hand down and cutting their com-line dead.

Ezor, helpful as ever, mumbles: “Well that went well,” quiet enough that it’s almost as if she doesn’t mean for everyone in the otherwise silent cockpit to hear her.

For the first time in ten thousand decaphoebs, the black Lion is - technically - in Imperial hands.

Lotor couldn’t care less.

The man who strides out of her is a veritable firestorm, all dark brows and snarling lips, and in a heartbeat Lotor knows, he just knows, who he is.

What he is.

Galra, for one, almost certainly a hybrid like Lotor - it’s the eyes that betray him, half luminescent with rage - and there’s a gorgeous poeticism to that.

Reckless for another, and behind him from where she’s been brought to stand witness, Princess Allura is clearly horrified to see her companion step from Voltron’s keystone and leave it completely unprotected, but the Paladin doesn’t seem to care, and neither does Lotor.

“Release Allura,” he growls again, voice like thunder and just as electrifying as he storms across the landing bay without hesitation, not even stopping to glance in his fellow Paladin’s direction and affirm that Zethrid has, in fact, released her as instructed.

No, Lotor’s soulmate simply fists pale fingers into paler hair and hisses, “fuck you,” into his mouth before kissing the Prince senseless.

Later - much, much later - Lotor is pleased to report back to Ezor that the sex is, in fact, fantastic.

#sorry/not sorry I wrote an entire ficlet thing but this was just TOO GOOD #this is totally self-indulgent but like.. if that's not the point of fanfiction then idk what is #one day I will actually write out a keitor soulmates au in full but today is not that day #so for the time being you will have to content yourselves with this #sa screams back #keitor #other aus #ficlet #prince lotor #keith kogane

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smearsyd · 4 years

Text

Safe in Your Arms | PCY | Part Three— Final

Lee Seoyun had scars.

Perhaps she had been saved from physical scars, but they were visible enough to her. Thick reminders stood out in her mind that made words like worthless, not good enough, not grateful enough, unloveable, feel like a second skin. She didn’t think she was capable of healing— her parents had told her that she would always be broken, and weren’t your parents the ones who were supposed to know you the best?

So years ago, when Seoyun tragically spilled her hot chocolate all over the front of poor Park Chanyeol’s winter sweater, she was expecting severe backlash— not a forgiving smile and definitely not a new friend. Muchless, Seoyun never in a million years would have imagined that Park Chanyeol would soon be falling in love with someone like her. To be the person who made her, for the first time, feel safe in his arms.

This is Seoyun healed, despite her scars.

characters:

+ park chanyeol (exo), you as lee seoyun (because names are important)

what to expect:

+ christmas + boyfriend!au + fluff and romance

length:

+ 3 parts, bonus drabbles + 25kish in total

warnings:

+ sensitive topics + mentions of traumatic past + smut on part two

read it here: (updating… stay tuned)

+ part one + part two + part three + bonus + masterlist

author’s note:

+ final part! I hope you enjoy!! please let me know what you think and look forward to the bonus!

if you want to be tagged, please reply to this post!

@bbhmystar @itsmesa @yeolliedimple

Christmas Day

She woke up alone, and what was worse than waking up alone?

Saying goodbye? Being late? She didn’t know anymore. Not when all she really wanted was to wake up next to the one she loved every morning, every night, every in between. If she was waking up next to him, then everything else seemed less significant.

Seoyun’s legs felt restless without his warmth to succumb them to sleep. Her fingers too, they searched for him underneath the cooled silk of their sheets. And yet, they came back empty-handed.

Her eyes found their way open, peeling back against once heavy sleep to peer through what she has come to understand as an empty room.

The worst part— it wasn’t even morning.

Maybe he was peeing. Very possible.

The light wasn’t on though, and he never walks around in the dark, he’s too clumsy.

Water, maybe? The full bottle by his nightstand seemed to shrug at her.

She was getting up the next moment. She wasn’t sure why either, but something ached at the thought of being alone on Christmas Eve; some small part of her that looked an awful lot like the child who spent too many sleepless nights wrapped up in only her own tiresome company.

She padded through their cracked door and found herself tracing the memorized path down the corridor. A soft glow met her on the other side, an illumination of warmth that outlined exactly what she was seeking.

“Chan?”

She was whispering into a still house, not even the creak of the wood floor beneath her displacing the heavy air. Not until he turned— that was when the shadows seemed a little less daunting. A hum of his soothing voice reached towards her and the space around her vibrated to life.

He was sitting back in his favorite spot on the couch, stretched as if moments away from falling asleep, yet eyes so clear she knew there was no way. Hair rumbled like a mop on his head, tired lines worn thin between his eyes, a red palm as if it were carrying the weight of restless thoughts— she wondered then, what exactly was on his mind?

“Seoyun…” His voice crackled like spoked firewood.

She felt her feet begin to tug her in his direction, wanting to be as intimate as possible. Chanyeol reached out when she was close enough, and clasped their hands together, pulling her lightly down to sit in his lap. She sighed, resting her head against his comforting chest like there was nowhere else it belonged.

“You’re still awake? You should be sleeping.”

His hands came to wrap in her hair, his chest playing a calm rhythm against hers.

“You weren’t there.” Was all she could think to say.

Chanyeol paused his light caressing, making her crack her eyes open to take a long look up at him. It was as if he was shocked by her words, though she couldn’t be for sure. And then, as if he had made his mind up about something, he smiled softly and pulled her even closer to him.

“I tried not to wake you,” he breathed out, “but I suppose that didn’t work out too well.” She shook her head, giving him a small pout that he chuckled lightly at. “I’m sorry, I just needed a moment to rethink some things, so I came down here.”

She wished, suddenly, that she could be the person that could smile, say it’s okay, and move on. Because if she were, then she wouldn’t be sitting here, tensing up from the worry of wondering what he meant by rethinking. A tight feeling of unease was settling over her chest like a cloud of acid rain and all she could think was, surely not because of what happened last night, not me, right?

Courage found her somewhere in all of that, her voice barely above a whisper when she asked, “Rethinking what?”

He took in her stressed appearance with a slight tilt to his head, a curious gleam filling his eyes before blooming to tenderness.

"Oh, no baby." He instantly mumbled, a look of tenderness in his eyes that seemed to show how easily he could read her. "I wasn't re-thinking you, never you." He reassured, leaning down to place a delicate kiss on the crown of her head, the touch leaving a lingering feeling of warmth that was more spiritual than physical.

Seoyun felt her lungs deflate in relief and once again, she felt a tad bit silly for overreacting about things she already knew the answer to. He loved her and she knew that— she could feel it in every touch, every word, every gesture. She hoped that he could feel the same from her.

"Do you want to talk about it, maybe I could help you." She found herself saying, blinking her eyes awake in order to will herself to focus. If Chanyeol could help her with all of her problems, then she could return the favor.

Chanyeol, though, let out a light humm in response that sounded closer to content-ness than distress, as if he were still caught in the idea of something great.

"Let's just go back to bed, I think you already helped me make up my mind."

Seoyun didn't protest, already dreaming about how nice the bed would feel with both of them in it. She stretched closer to him instead, wrapping her arms and legs around his body. He let a rumble of laughter run down his torso at her actions that had her chest feeling light.

"Clingy much?" He teased, standing up with her tightly wrapped in his embrace. His footsteps were lulling her to sleep as he climbed up the steps and into the room, setting her gently on the bed so he could pull his shirt up and over his shoulders, the mess falling onto the floor with a silent thump. She watched though dazed lids as he crawled under the covers, landing with a huff next to her. He closed his eyes immediately, snuggling his content face into the side of her soft pillow.

A yawn escaped his large mouth, drawing attention to the soft dimple on his cheek. Seoyun couldn't help herself when she leaned down and dropped a lingering kiss there before resting beside him.

Before she could settle, his arms were trailing around her small frame and capturing their bodies closely together. He stuffed his face into his spot on her neck, soft lips brushing the skin there delicately. And as she finally let her eyes fall shut, a hand threaded down her waist and interlocked with hers. A feeling of warmth spread through her chest as she let herself let go, his steady heartbeat bringing her back to a peaceful sleep.

They stayed like that, hand in hand, until morning came.

…

A delicious smell was meandering through the air and tickling Seoyun's senses awake as they lingered dangerously close to her nose. She could feel herself being pulled from her precious sleep at its enticement, her eyes threatening to crack open all by themselves to take a peek at what could possibly be the source of something so sweet and so, so savory.

A small noise that sounded similar to a door creaking helped her to stir fully awake, her numb hand coming up to brush the tired away from her eyes.

The first thing she noticed was that the cream drapery had been pulled back from the window, giving view to a beautiful baby blue sky dappled with snowflakes that seemed like little presents from above. The sight alone was enough to make her day, but then something in the corner of her eye caught her attention, making her willingly drag her gaze on the source of their distraction.

Unbeknownst to her, a delicate smile began to trace onto her lips as she watched Chanyeol set a tray filled with an assortment of mouthwatering foods down onto the bedside table. He though, believe-it-or-not, was what she was more interested in. He seemed content, a permanent look of tenderness and dare she think it, amazement, written on his face as his eyes met hers for the first time this morning.

"Merry Christmas." He half-whispered, his eyes boring holes into her like he was incapable of looking away, or maybe was just unwilling to look away. Seoyun's breath caught in her throat at the sound of his deep morning voice. His silvery hair was disheveled like always and there was a splatter of what looked to be strawberry jam on the corner of his lips. He was wrapped in flannel pajamas and her apron that was two sizes too small on him, but that didn't matter. If anything, it made her only want him more.

"Merry Christmas." She finally managed to spit out, fully propping up and giving Chanyeol room to sit down next to her on the bed. "Did you make me all of this?" She asked, gesturing to the plates of steaming goods that was currently testing her self-restraint.

Chanyeol tilted his head as he gazed at her, a twinkling look in his eyes. He shook his head in a manner of yesdistractedly. "Who else?" He blinked. "My girlfriend deserves everything on any plain day, so it only makes sense to be even more extra on Christmas Day and start it off with your favorites in bed, does it not?" He questioned lightly, his tone playful.

"Come here," she reached out for him, not trusting herself to speak anything with the way her heart was beating from his soft words. A deep chuckle escaped his chest as he let her tug him towards her lazily. She felt that her lips could be compared to a heavy magnet, Chanyeol's being the willing paper clip that always manages to get itself stuck.

Chanyeol leaned forward to close the distance, but landed a soft kiss on the apple of her cheek instead, plainly meaning to tease her. "Of course, you can only have it if my baby does something for me in return."

Seoyun pulled back with a slight huff, her eyebrows scrunching up in a mock look of annoyance. "Oh yeah?" She tested. Chanyeol gave her a singular nod back, saying that he was not budging today. "Fine," she relented, the smell of bacon invading her nose once again and making her weak. "What is it you want, and I'll decide on whether-or-not I'll give it to you."

Chanyeol placed a hand on his chin and turned his gaze towards the ceiling as if to demonstrate his process of thinking, even though she was pretty sure he already had in mind his request. Then he turned to her with a confident look that had her hand ready to smack his chest if he requested something stupid.

"Firstly, you have to give me a kiss any time I want.” He laid out firmly, his face almost comically serious. Her heart leaped at his statement and she couldn't help herself when a small giggle escaped her mouth, making Chanyeol's eyes dance as he watched her. Seoyun had already planned to do this with him so she easily nodded, gesturing for him to continue with her hand.

"Secondly, you have to watch old cartoon re-runs with me after we unwrap presents because you know how much I love those." Seoyun found herself agreeing again.

“Easy enough. And the last one?” She asked, her eyes falling to the scrambled eggs she imagined was getting cold.

"Who's to say there is only one more thing?" Chanyeol teased, dropping another kiss on her cheek. Seoyun shot him the look, making him let out a light relenting chuckle.

"The last thing is that you have to promise to go along with anything I say today, even if it seems weird in the moment. Can you do that for me?" His voice was suddenly very soft and hesitant, almost like this was of actual importance, unlike the other two simple requests.

She had originally thought about messing with him until he just relented into letting her have the breakfast, because come on they both know he would drop the requests if she batted her eyelashes enough, but something in the way he was asking made her hesitate.

"Yeah…” She heard herself agree against his persuading eyes. "I think that’s doable."

A brilliant smile overtook his face before he leaned down and finally brushed a lasting kiss on her petal-like mouth. Seoyun decided that more than anything, she loved the sweet taste of his lips, like strawberry and something just so Chanyeol that was too hard to simply put into words.

"Shall we dig in then?" He questioned after pulling back, the dimple on his cheek standing out in an adorable way.

Seoyun nodded her head animatedly in agreement, eliciting a giddy laugh from Chanyeol as he reached over and pulled the plate towards the both of them. Her mouth watered at the sight of what seemed to be all her favorite foods, paired with some traditional ones too that Chanyeol liked.

There was a stack of waffles, since she didn't really like pancakes, sausage patties, fried eggs, hash browns, and then rice and steamed fish alongside some delicious broth that she knew he must have called his mom to get the recipe for.

She reached for a sausage patty before plopping it into her mouth, the savory taste almost making her moan in appreciation. Chanyeol had always been the chef in the house.

"When did you have time to make all of this, it must have taken a few hours, right?" She asked in slight amazement, her fingers grabbing for a slice of apple next.

Chanyeol reached over and tucked a stray piece of hair that was threatening to dip into the syrup of her waffles away behind her ear. He began to cut the steamed fish as he sent her a light shrug. "It didn't take me that long. Although, I was reluctant to leave the bed. You were all cuddled up against me and drooling on our pillow. I should have taken a photo."

Seoyun stopped her chewing, reaching up quickly to wipe away imaginary slobber from her cheek. "I did not!" She protested. "Right?" Her eyes were wide in embarrassment.

Chanyeol let a booming laugh out, slapping the side of the bed in high amusement from her reaction that sent all of the plates jingling together. "You should see your face!" She grumbled in response before looking away with a half-mustered pout.

He reached over and landed another kiss on the corner of her mouth making her turn towards him with a forgiving sigh. Chanyeol guided a fork-full of fish to her mouth once he finished cutting it and checking for any small bones. "Here baby," he offered, brushing open her lips with the pad of his thumb before spooning in the tasty fish.

Her heart skipped a beat at the content look he had on his face from feeding her, watching her chew and swallow with delight. "Good?" He questioned, his eyes falling to her lips as she licked them clean.

She hummed in delight, forgetting her embarrassment all together. "Delicious."

"I'm glad you're happy." He whispered, sitting back on his elbows as he watched her easily finish off the plates he provided, having had enough himself.

"Why wouldn't I be? I have a boyfriend who loves me and makes me amazing food." She said around her last mouth-full of buttery goodness, almost to emphasize her point with the chewing.

Chanyeol simply let out a content chuckle, tracing patterns on the exposed skin of her ankle. Seoyun munched on the last bit of apple, feeling overly full, but content. She really didn't need to eat all of that, but she knows that Chanyeol likes it when she eats a lot, so she tries to finish everything when he cooks.

"Done?" He asked around a smile, shifting the tray aside when she confirmed that she was indeed done.

"Can we open presents now?" She asked with a little too much enthusiasm, her eyes wide. Christmas might as well turn her into a little kid again with the way Chanyeol spoils her with literally anything she may have asked for throughout the year. She knew he partially does this because of her childhood, but it made her happy regardless of the reason.

He chuckled, holding out his hand for her to take. Seoyun though, bounced over and latched onto his back with a sly smile.

"Carry me?"

"What am I a taxi now?" He asked in an unbelieving voice. He still wrapped his arms under her legs, his hands pinching lightly on the soft skin there, making her squirm. Seoyun nodded her head at him, liking what it felt like to be the one at the head of the teasing.

"Well," he started, abruptly standing up so she had to cling to him. "You better pay me then."

"Can I pay in kisses?"

Chanyeol gave her a look that translated across as that’s obviously the only currency I take. She giggled before leaning over his shoulder and dropping a light kiss on his cheek. He huffed and walked forward to the doorstep, his steps rough as he bounced her on his back. They made it halfway to the stairs before he abruptly stopped.

"This is as far as a cheek kiss will take you Miss, you'll have to pay up to get to your presents."

"Will this do?"

Chanyeol turned his head slightly and then she was smashing her lips onto his, their softness melting together like steaming hot chocolate. He made a noise of appreciation in the back of his throat and she smiled into the kiss, nipping lightly before pulling back.

Hmm, he acted like he was pondering her question, his eyes dancing as he let a breath-taking smile light up on his face. "I think that’ll suffice."

...

Seoyun and Chanyeol sat around piles of discarded decorative gift wrapping, his being haphazardly thrown everywhere while hers lay in organized piles with the wrap still slightly intact. She never would reuse the wrapping, but she hated to demolish something so pretty. Chanyeol, on the other hand, thought that you didn’t do justice to the gift unless the wrapping ended up everywhere.

They had gone through all but the last, most important gifts for one another. They had a policy of opening them one at a time, from a scale of least to most important. Chanyeol had gotten her a bunch of gifts, but what stood out were the cute shaped chocolates from the new corner sweet shop, a really soft scarf that he bought in hopes that she would stop stealing his (not going to happen), and the box set of a book series she mentioned that she wanted a really long time ago—she was impressed with his memory this year.

The part she loved most about Chanyeol's gifts was that they were always picked carefully, after long hours of thought. He never randomly bought something, which in her mind, made everything leaps and bounds more special because it was like a piece of him was going into the gift, no matter how small or taboo.

Seoyun wasn't quite as savvy and thoughtful with her gifts as he was, but she still tried, and he always seemed to be thrilled regardless.

Their messy tree was shining beautifully next to them and Chanyeol's pick of soft jazz was made the mood just right. She realized, with a slight shock, that for the first time in a really long time, she feels nothing but a light buzz in her chest. She found herself humming, and don’t only happy people hum without realizing it?

She felt that warm type of buzz in her veins that makes everything look rosy and giggles to bubble out of her mouth for no reason other than wanting to smile and be happy. There were no fake grins to cover up the pain, heavy pangs at the mention of family, sweaty palms and anxious teeth— she just felt… content.

Purely and so delightfully free as she watched Chanyeol fail to try on a sweater, his laughter making the room warm as he struggled with a bright smile. Maybe, just maybe, she's finally caught up with the breath she has been struggling to take for the past twenty-five years.

Maybe, she's ready to move on.

"Okay, okay." Chanyeol calls lightly. "It's time for our last presents, you give yours first."

"Why do I have to give mine first?" She pouted, standing up because the gift was wrapped in the next room.

"Because mine is more important." He responded with a tease, although his eyes held a look of slight seriousness that made her decide to just go along with him. She did, though, stick her tongue out— he wasn't allowed to win everything.

Seoyun walked into the spare bedroom, more of like an office area, and picked up the slightly heavy box wrapped in bright red paper. She decided to box the gift because otherwise it would have been plain obvious what was contained inside.

"Ready?" She called out, excited for him to get the gift. She knew he was going to love it.

"Obviously,” he snickered.

She plopped the gift down on the carpet in front of him and Chanyeol instantly went at it, tearing the paper away to reveal the cardboard interior. "Wow," he played. "I got a box."

"Shut up you dummy and open it before I bring it back to the shop."

"Yes, Ma'am." He sent her a mock salute, the smile never leaving his dimpled cheeks. Chanyeol finally got the box open and began to pull the gift out, his hands wrapping around it and immediate shock showing on his face. His eyes widened and he looked up towards her with obvious hesitance, but extreme excitement swirling in the sea of mocha.

"You didn't." He muttered, unable to believe what she had done quite yet.

Seoyun smiled a warm smile, one that she could tell made him look again. "Oh baby, I did." She shot back.

Chanyeol let out a girly squeal, or as girly as his deep voice could produce, pulling out the beautiful baby blue Les Paul guitar from the packaging. He has been ogling over this guitar ever since the Music Center in the mall put it on display around six months ago. He had made such a big deal when he first saw it, stopping her and Baekhyun from eating in the cafeteria and dragging them over to the store. He had proceeded to ambush the workers with questions and begging to let him test it out— which they eventually did, probably just because they wanted him to leave already.

She could tell how much he wanted it, so she saved up and purchased the collector’s item a few months later. Chanyeol was genuinely upset the next time they went to the mall when he discovered that it had been sold, the cashiers seemed extremely confused at his dismay to the point where she was afraid they would point out that he had indeed been the buyer, but thankfully nothing of the such happened.

She has been relishing in his anguish ever since, knowing how much of a surprise it would be when he unwrapped it Christmas morning.

"Do you like it?" She questioned, her voice holding back a spout of laughter at his flabbergasted face.

"Like it? Fuck baby, I love it. I love you."

Chanyeol set the guitar carefully back down, sending it a promising look before leaning forward and tackling Seoyun in a hug. He planted playful kisses all along her cheeks, leaving little wet marks that made her squirm under him.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. I can't believe," he placed pebble-like kisses on her nose, "that you," another on her forehead, "bought me that," gentle ones on her eyes, "fucking guitar, I love you so much." He planted one long-lasting kiss on her lips despite her bubbling over laughter.

"You're welcome." She managed, holding her chest from the welcomed pain of laughing so much. "I love you too."

Chanyeol pulled back, his face alight in that golden hour kind of happy glow. "My turn." He whispered, dipping back to land another peck on her delicate lips before producing a small velvet box from his pajama pockets. He reached out and lightly grabbed her wrist, placing the small box in the palm of her hand.

Seoyun felt the air still around her and everything seemed like it was falling away from her— in that moment, she couldn’t think of anything more important than what a small, but simple box could mean for the two of them.

She gulped and tore her eyes from the box to lock them with his. Was this what she thought it was? Was he… could she even think it? His eyes did not betray his intentions, and something in her stomach was way too afraid to just ask.

That meant she had to open it.

Chanyeol seemed to understand that too, looking extremely content with the reaction he was producing from her. "Are you going to open your gift? I'm waiting patiently baby, you don't want me to wait any longer do you?"

She blinked at him before looking back at the box, her chest swirling with unspeakable emotions. She felt herself slowly push the box open, coming to face the contents with her bottom lip pulled in between her teeth.

Seoyun's breath caught in her throat and she looked up at Chanyeol with a look of extreme betrayal, reaching over and hitting him as hard as she could across the chest. He doubled over in laughter, his loud bursts ringing off of the walls.

“Yah, how could you trick me like that Park Chanyeol!" Seoyun accused with a finger jabbing into his chest. "I should break up with you for playing me!"

She glanced back at the gorgeous set of diamond earrings with slight contempt, noticing their beauty, yet disappointed that it wasn't something else. Chanyeol seemed to know exactly what he had done, not even bothering to correct her. He was such a tease; she was going to get him.

"Seo,” he started, trying to calm down his frantic chuckles. "What did you think was in the box?"

She huffed, sending him a glare. "You know exactly what I thought was in the box."

Chanyeol came closer to her side, pulling her into his lap despite her quiet protests. "Don't worry," he whispered into her ear, nuzzling his nose into the side of her neck. His voice sounded so full of honey-like warmth that it made her slightly forget why she was mad. It began to make her wonder if he did that as a test to see how she would react. He seemed pleased if that was the case.

"You're the only woman I'll marry, if you let me of course. That box is coming, as long as you’ll forgive me for this one."

He sent her a lazy wink and once again, Seoyun felt the air stop in her throat as she looked deep into his mocha eyes. Eyes that told her she could trust him, that he wasn't teasing this time, that he would love her and only her for a long, long time.

"You promise?" She whispered, feeling a slight pinch of deja vu.

"I promise."

...

Seoyun took cover behind a small tree in their front yard, frantically scooping down with hands shaking from laughter and balling up more snow to throw back in defense. Chanyeol was currently winning their snow fight and that was not going to work for her.

"Try and hide from me all you want, but I’m telling ya’ now that you’re not gonna’ win." His voice echoed over the lawn and she swallowed a shallow giggle as he mistakenly took her for a fool— she was so far from where he was looking, there was no way he’d find her now. There was a monstrous snowball in his hand, but she was prepared, her pockets lined with small, but painful balls of tightly packed snow. She was going to win.

Or so she thought.

“There you are!” He was in front of her then, how did that happen? And that snowball was now inches from creating her demise.

He reared his arm back in anticipated glory, but he was too late. Seoyun was already attacking, his snowball being thrown haphazardly in a direction not even close to her as she catapulted ball after ball into his face. She decided then that this wasn't a game for the weak.

Chanyeol fell to his knees like a prince who knew he had lost, clutching his chest with gloved hands. His nose was red from the cold air, bits of ice blending in with his halo like hair. Seoyun thought he looked glowing among the piles of fluffy snow, his doomed eyebrows turned in and his lips only moments from releasing his battle cry.

"I surrender!" He finished, falling backwards with a silent thud onto the blanket of snow. “Even I am no match for you.”

She glittered in the overwhelming wave of success. "I told you I would win!" She teased, plopping down next to him. "That means you owe me hot chocolate and a back rub when we get back, inside like you promised."

"Yes, my princess." He relented with a sigh.

Seoyun hummed in content, fanning her arms back and forth to make a snow angel next to Chanyeol. He eyed her before following suit, his long arms construing the side of her angel's face.

"Hey..." She sniffed, pushing his arm back down. Her frozen hands were beginning to numb, but his were toasty. She thinks he must have some sort of superpower to stay so warm, but even if she couldn't have the same power, at least she had full access to someone who did.

She scooted closer until she could lay her head on his chest, his arm coming to wrap around her shoulder and twist the long locks of her hair between his fingers. She felt oddly at ease in his embrace, the sky bright above them and the warmth from each other enough to fight away the brisk cold that always accompanies winter.

She didn't know how long they stayed like that, warming in each other's arms before Chanyeol broke the silence, his voice so, so delicate that she almost thought she had imagined it.

"Baby, remember what I asked of you this morning?"

"I'll still watch cartoons with you when we go inside, don't worry."

Chanyeol snorted. "The other one."

Ohh. "Follow along with anything you ask, no matter how weird it may seem?"

Chanyeol hummed in response, his honey eyes boring into hers like a wish needing to be spoken. So gentle, yet so strong.

"What about it?" His heart had begun a thumping rhythm under hers, and nervousness pillowed down around them.

Chanyeol gave her a light squeeze before moving to stand up, pulling her to mirror his actions. She felt her heart struggle to catch up with his, feeling that their emotions were somehow in sync.

"Close your eyes Seo."

Seoyun titled her head to the side, but at seeing the resolved look in his eyes, decided to play along like he asked. She felt Chanyeol take her hand lightly in his and then she felt his lips brush her knuckles every so delicately, like she was something incredibly fragile to him.

"Okay.”

She blinked her eyes open and found herself gazing down to where Chanyeol was kneeling on one knee, his unoccupied hand holding a beautiful diamond ring nestled in a gold satin box. Her heart became a heavy weight in her chest, stopping its beating all together as warmth threatened to spill down her rosy cheeks.

She tore her eyes from the box and rested them upon Chanyeol's loving ones, the strong look reflecting back that he was honest, and that this time, it was real.

"Seoyun," he started, his voice coated in a tremor that was thawing the iced nerves she stood on. "I love you. I think I have since the moment I saw you. It’s more than just that, though. You gave me a purpose, a home, something to look forward to and cherish with everything I have in me.

“This world, it’s huge and you and I are so, so small. But when I stand next to you, it feels like things are a little less hopeless and that maybe, we can find our way through if we simply stay together.”

He gulped, hand enveloping mine like a promise. “So stay with me?”

Seoyun was gasping for air at this point, hot tears rolling down her cheeks and leaving streaks as evidence of her joy. Her chest was aching from the amount of love she was feeling and all of a sudden all she wanted was to be his, forever. Her love and want for him is unlike anything she has or will experience. The love they share was built on broken hearts, tempered to bend and grow stronger and meant to last longer than a lifetime.

"Where else would I be?”

Identical grins of relief and pure excitement broke through on the both of their faces. He didn't waste a second pulling the ring out of the box and pushing it gently onto her finger. It rested perfectly, a helpful reminder of his promises.

And then she was in his arms, snow flurrying all around them as their backs kissed the ground. She squeezed and squeezed and squeezed until she felt some sort of reassurance that this was real. Chanyeol, though, didn't seem to mind— his grip around her waist equally as strong, like he needed to be reassured just as much as she did.

"Chanyeol," she whispered after a long while, her voice strained from shredded tears. She was sure they looked like little snow people by now, all cuddled up together and covered in the white fluff. "Why now? Why propose now and not years before?"

He hummed underneath her, bringing her even impossibly closer. "I wanted to, I’ve been carrying this ring around for longer than you can imagine, but I wanted to wait."

"Wait for what?"

"I knew that I wanted to be with you and that you did too, even if we hadn’t outrightly discussed it. I needed to wait, though, until I knew that you loved yourself just as much. I didn't want to rush things because what was most important for you these past few years was to realize that you are just as important and lovable with or without me. I'm positive now that regardless of your past, you won't let it define you. You know your worth and you have finally come to love yourself for that.

And that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”

Seoyun gulped, biting back another onset of tears as she held him close to her, one heart next to another.

He was right, of course, she was proud of herself and the long way she has climbed to reach this point. The version of Seoyun he met so many years ago would be amazed in ways that are unspeakable. So, all she could say was:

“Thank you.”

She’s safe in his arms, like the whole world could be against her and it wouldn't matter, not as long as they had each other— she knew how he felt. Seoyun knew too that although her past doesn’t define her, it helped mold her into who she is today. The things she chooses to let go, are much paler in comparison to what she intends to hold onto.

Seoyun pulled back and looked at him, really looked at him, taking in the mess of silver locks, the deep pull of mocha eyes swirling with an emotion she could only place as love, the curve of his face leading down to the dimple she loves to kiss, his sweet pink lips.

She felt his hand come up to cup her cheek and she decided that this was how she would live for the rest of her life: safe, warm, and very loved in the arms of Park Chanyeol.

And she was more than okay with that.

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