#real talk PDX

[anghraine]

My mother finally introduced me to the much-younger beloved friend of her (Mormon) family who has turned out to be very gay and gone through a ton of shit, including right now, since his husband recently died and he's having to deal with his (also Mormon) parents (his own, not his parents-in-law). I've met him before, but I was maybe 13-14 then and he's ten years older than I am, and that's a very different dynamic than when you're 30-something and 40-something.

We actually get on really well, and there's like—well, mlm/wlw solidarity looks a bit different when you're also both raised Mormon.

[nfumbewalk]

Well, I Never!

My Sour Jars are back at my store for $5. Tell me what you need and I'll work my jar for you!

Well guess what...I lost a follower. I only notice because I don't have many yet. I know who it was & probably why. Lolz! The remark made by my muerto, Rodolfo, about his opinion on the term "Latinx." It's not my opinion! I don't give a fuck. Rodolfo just basically said it was "fuckin dope" as in stupid. He prefers Hispanic, Latino or even Mexican. His favorite freaking colors are of the Mexico flag! Haha. I said he is old school but forgot to mention he was also military - Army. That makes a man very different, in my experience.

My husband, Tom, was an Army paratrooper in the 82nd Airborne. Yeah - not a leg. Makes a man an entirely different breed. I'm not dismissing women, but I only speak of what I know. I've had close guy friends who went to the first Iraq war. It's something you just don't ask about. Anyway...why are "dark" dudes such pussies? Jesus, that's all I've encountered. Dated ONE & he was 12 years older than me. Such a whiny little bitch, and he was military too! Well, he was Navy - if that counts. Lol! Joking! Just funning. Guess he left his balls on a ship in Spain. Roflmao! 😂 Sorry, there's tons of joking between branches of the military. It's great.

Am I always this way? Yep, get used to it or move on. Not many people like me or accept me because I *upset* them. Waa! Lol. Actually, I'm very demure and polite in real time situations. I just let all my demons out online. I ended up like most women in my family - no lady friends but I sure love dudes! They love me too. I love cars, especially old ones & I can talk about them. I like guy stuff. I grew up around lots of men & cars. Heh. I'm just an Oregon bumpkin. Not! Unfortunately, my hometown is PDX. Ugh!! Portland is a shit hole & even though my dad died last year, I'm so glad he doesn't live in that horrible place anymore. His ashes are here in Eugene with me.

Anyway, so some dark vampire/werewolf stopped following me. I'm just posting this in case he (I can't remember his pronouns!) comes back. 😅 Am I evil? Yes I am...so the old Metallica song goes...\m/ If ppl don't like my writings here, lemme know and I'll cease & go back to WordPress. My ppl there really love me warts & all. And my audience is older, like me. I'm very middle aged. I do have lots of things to share if you can stand my vernacular, writing style and sarcasm laced words. And obscenities.

I am good at not swearing though - I never, ever said a curse word around either one of my parents. Not once. I respected them. My mom was very hard. My dad was my world. Oh goddamn it! I don't have my Jet bracelet - it broke and my new one is in the mail! I wear Jet for grieving. It helps me not cry about my dad. It works well. Wear Jet if someone close to you passes away. The Victorians were correct! Not French Jet though!! That's nothing but black glass. I'll show you all my 104 year old French Jet necklace. I use it for channeling. Works great for being glass. Don't be fooled on Etsy with high prices unless it's old like mine.

Sorry, I'm all over the place, verbose and sped. Had a weird conversation with Yemanja earlier...don't know what to think. These changes swirling around are making me a little confused. I'm too old for this shit. Makes me just want to do nothing but my Muerteria. Use my cauldrons as vessels, perhaps. Not like Palo though, but kind of...I have been thinking, well, I need religion/spirituality, right? Now, I have no fuckin clue. Nada. Dunno. Roger that, Dahmer. 💀 I have always thought, need a god/ess, demon, etc. Maybe I don't. I really love my mother's though. 💖 They aren't a religion. Just stay away from the ATR folks. Lol. See, confused. We shall see & very soon. My dedication to Yemanja is five days away. A lot can change...I'll be doing divination, looking for signs & omens - anything. If anything breaks, burns, disappears, floats in mid-air - I'll be watching extra close! I'm freakin now!

Gotta run! 💖💀💖

[rebekahjorgensen]

The Portland Real Estate Podcast hosted by Steve Nassar and Joe Fustolo, although heavily focused on the impact on realtors and property owners, does give some insight to what the city of Portland is doing to address housing needs. They brought guest speakers, Ezra Hammer and Jamie Howsley, who are attorneys at Jordan Ramis and both have expertise in land use and developmental and natural resource permitting and government affairs. One conversation that has been started is the flipping of commercial properties to residential homes. This is something other large cities have started doing and have been successful in creating thousands of homes for people. The city of Portland recently passed a law that makes it easier for commercial property owners  to flip their properties to residential by cutting down some of the requirements. They also talked about how the city of Portland tweaked their zoning code in order to allow for senior housing in residential areas rather than only commercial which will then give more opportunity for affordable senior housing. It might not solve the housing need completely, but that is a big win. Multnomah county introduced the RIP movement also known as the Residential Infill Project. This movement encouraged multi-family housing and discouraged cars, garages, and driveways. After just one year of being introduced, the city released a report of its impacts and they were able to approve several hundred units of various multi-family housing projects. This is also a win despite it not solving the problem at large.

They did also provide some insight into the challenges faced when building in Portland. When it comes to housing regulations, there are several different bureaus who are in charge of different things. These bureaus will all go to a builder with some regulation like where a tree needs to be, or a driveway. Well sometimes one bureau will say the tree needs to be in this spot and another will say the driveway needs to be in that same spot. This is causing the builders to get frustrated and not want to build in Portland. The conversation has been started that the city of Portland needs to update their housing regulations structure and condense the amount of bureaus in order for everyone to be on the same page when building housing.

Portland still has a long way to go as they are only putting up about 7 new housing units per 10 families moving into the city causing a deficit of 60,000 homes.

[trapper-faggot]

Wow trying to cut back on weed today but maybe I shouldn’t stop smoking on a day I’m severely overwhelmed undermedicated, out of coffee, and am going to be alone all day with my thoughts :///

[hannahsyogi]

A real dude with real swag stops by the studio!

[villagevibespodcast]

It Takes A Village To Build A Heart/ Be A Panty Droppa ft. Gio of Real Talk PDX

[darlingshane]

Expensive Delights: Part 2

Julian Kaye x F!Reader

Summary: Julian is a real master of his craft. The way he makes you come should be considered art. It’s definitely a gift and a blessing to society, to women in particular. There’s no jealousy or bewilderment at the things he’s shared with you, and after having him for almost a day either on top or below you, you can understand why people would pay for this. Something you’d have taken into account before if you had known. You don’t tell him that, of course.

Word Count: 7,244 (Divided in 4 Chapters)

– Rating: 18+

Warnings: Explicit, Male escort, Past drug use mention, Murder mention. // Content: Porn with feelings, Fluff, Phone Sex, Blow Jobs, Vanilla sex, Masturbation.

Links: Part 1 / Series Masterpost / AO3

CHAPTER 1: Baggage

He left you at LAX. You pick him up from PDX almost two months after.

He’s one of the first passengers to come out of the terminal. His height stands out, but you nearly miss him while scanning the crowd. The picture you had in mind has slightly changed. It must be the casual clothes or the intentionally disheveled curls sticking out to his forehead; you have to give him a second glance to confirm that it’s Julian strutting towards you as purposely as you remember, rolling his carry-on in one hand, holding a sport coat in the other.

“Hey, Portland.” He beams, and your lips are quick to turn up in response.

“Hey, Jules.”

No matter how many hours you’ve spent on the phone with him or the cute nicknames you've given each other, it feels like meeting a stranger, and you hesitate on whether to go for a hug or a kiss. So, you extend your arm to take the coat out of his hand instead. He disregards your gesture, tucking his arms around your waist, pulling you into a tight hug. Your arms lock around his neck, giving him enough leverage to lift your body, easily sweeping your feet off the ground.

You’ve been talking to Julian extensively during one of the most stressful times of your life; right when you’re tailoring the final draft of your novel into perfection, constantly going back and forth with your editor before sending it to print. It’s been a long process, but you're finally close to jumping that last hurdle. You’ve poured your heart, soul, and money into this project and there's no way for you to take a break and fly off to meet him. Your head needs to stay in the game. You also have your copywriting job at the advertising agency and those few freelancer gigs you push on the weekends just to keep things afloat.

You’re stoked; mostly overwhelmed by the process of it all, and having someone from outside your circle, and your home city, helps you get out of that headspace for a while and ease some of that pressure. Hearing his voice at the other end of the line reminds you of sunny L.A., cocktails at La Palma and that one glorious night you shared together.

You try to minimize work talk, though Julian always finds a way to get more details about the book out of curiosity. You end up reading him a few excerpts of your manuscript before sending him a copy so he can read for himself. He's nothing but supportive, and somehow he has found the blog you’ve put together with some of your old stories and columns you’ve written.

You make room for each other whenever you can. Exchanging life stories, you learn that he studied art history in France, loves traveling and actually speaks five languages fluently, which is three more than your two. His music taste leaves something to be desired, and you’re glad to have something over him, not that it’s a competition, but you educate him some, coaxing him into listening to some of your favorite albums.

There’s no word for what you two have at the moment, friends would be the closest one. Everything is literally up in the air, and you don't want to shut that door to other possibilities.

The day comes when he's in desperate need to tell you something about his past that’s been eating him up. Something he’s been putting off in order to do it in person, but when the distance can't be shortened, he decides to do it over the line. What he discloses that night is probably the last thing you would have guessed…

Skipping small talk altogether, he doesn't beat around the bush when confessing that he's been imprisoned the last 15 years for a crime he didn't commit. He was framed and charged with third degree murder. His alibi fell through and ultimately, his hand was forced to make a plea bargain to reduce his sentence.

 “Remind me, what’s the third one again?” You try to clarify some facts.

 “Manslaughter. I don't wanna go over the details, but if you need to-”

 “No,” you cut him off, “I don't want to hear them either.”

 “I know it's a lot to process, but that's not all…” he swallows hard before laying out that in his search for the truth he accidentally killed someone he worked for, Leon, who was involved firsthand in the frame. He was never charged for that one, a witness actually saw Julian trying to save Leon from falling off a balcony, but justice got to him either way.

 “You’re right. That is a lot to process, Jules.” You breathe heavily, propping your head back on the couch's backrest. “Are you on parole?”

 “No, I’m not on parole. I did my time.”

 “You got 15 years for something you didn't do… How is that even possible?”

 “I was young and cocky. All I saw was money, you know?” He pauses, “I was doing coke at the time… I failed to see how dangerous these people were.”

 “Are you still doing drugs? Were you on something that night with me?”

 “No, I promise I wasn’t, sweetheart. I haven’t touched any of that since.”

 Speechless, you absentmindedly fidget with your free hand, pulling a thread from the edge of the pillow resting next to you.

 You hear him breathe and continue after a few seconds, “I understand if you don’t want to talk to me anymore. You’ve trusted me with your secrets, and I kept this from you… It was never my intention to lie. I wanted to tell you in person but-” he trails off, hoping you'd say something in between, “you were nervous that night we met, and I need you to know that I'd never hurt you or anyone like that. You have to believe me.”

 “I believe you.” You say after some deliberation, “it might be naive, but I know you’d never do something like that on purpose.”

 “I wouldn’t.”  

 “I, uh… I need to know if you're being safe now. You said you were working for Anne and Leon back then. Are you working for someone now?”

 “No, I’m being extremely safe. It's just me and Eli. I've told you about him.” He has explained that he manages his website, does research, and questions potential clients before setting up a meeting.

 Your exhales come out heavier every time, slowly assimilating every piece of information.

 “Is that all? Have you told me everything?”

 “That’s all.”

 Your lips purse, unsure of what to do with him now, “no more surprises?”

“I swear, no more surprises.”

You hang up, a little uneasy. It’s not anger or fear making home inside your chest; it’s worry above all. For him and partly for you as well. What he does for a living could never bother you, but you didn’t consider the serious implications of his line of work and how it could affect his life, or indirectly yours.

You pick up the phone a few times the next day, wanting to hear his voice, but you are still processing all the information. It’s not like you're punishing him, you truly don't even know how to go from here, so you end up going several days without talking to him.

It’s that one night you come home late from work that you shed everything off  and plop on the bed face down with your phone in hand. Longing for more than just hearing his voice; you finally send him a text.

It doesn’t take longer than a minute to have his name flashing on the screen.

 “Hi.” You prop yourself on your elbows, holding your cell to your ear.

 “Hey.”

 You go silent for a few seconds, in doubt of how to continue, and he’s the one breaking the silence.

 “Is everything alright?”

 “Yeah, I uh… I missed talking to you.”

 “I missed you too, honey. I wanted to call so badly.”

 “Yeah?”

 He huffs softly, seemingly relieved, “yeah, I knew you needed time to think, and I didn’t want to push my luck. Is there anything else you need to know?”

 “No, Julian. I got my answers the other day. It just makes me sad thinking about you locked up all that time.”

 “It happened. There’s no point in dwelling on it anymore, and I don't want that to be all you see or think when you look at me, you know?”

 “It won’t.”

 “You’re not mad at me?”

 “I was never mad. Everyone has their baggage, right? Yours happens to be a little bigger.”

 “Bigger, huh?”

 “I meant heavier.”

 You both break into laughter.

 “I was wondering if we could switch gears, do something fun for once.” You bite your bottom lip right after.

 “What did you have in mind?”

 “All this time we’ve never done anything other than talk, right? So, I figured that if we can’t see each other, we could try another way of feeling each other, you know what I mean?”

 “Would you just say it?” You hear him crack up.

 “I just wanna have sex with you, that better?”

 “So, this is just a booty call?”

 “Kinda. I don’t know, I’ve never done this before.” You huff, pressing your forehead on the mattress, muffling your voice, “ugh, just forget it, I know it was stupid.”

 “I’m messing with you. ‘Course we could.” He thinks for a beat, “where are you?”

 “In bed.”

 Going straight to the point, he takes the lead, “alright, tell me what you’re wearing.”

 “T-shirt and boy shorts.”

 “I need you to put me on speaker and take off your clothes.”

  “What about you?”

 “Let me worry about myself. Tell me when you’re ready.”

 Just as he said, you put the phone on speaker and place it near the pillow. Then, undress and slip under the covers, facing the ceiling.

 “Okay, I’m ready.”

 Concocting something special just for you in his head, he lays back on his couch, getting hard from just imagining you following his direction. He tells you to close your eyes and use your palms to caress your skin delicately. You soothe them along your thighs and rise slowly from there. You press them on your lower abdomen and rake your fingers on your pubic hair when he asks if you've shaved your pussy. He's very pleased to know that you only trim it once in a while.

 Your palms keep going up as your nipples harden at the passing of your nails. It doesn’t feel  nearly as good as if it were his hands, but having him guide you is probably the next best thing.

 You don’t talk unless he asks you something. The mellow tone of his voice carries almost as if it was touching your shoulder every time he speaks. You picture his teeth biting on that spot when  he tells you to start teasing your clit.

 “Don't be shy now, let me hear you, honey.” He sighs, deeply aroused, between phrases, and you know he’s getting it off listening to your moans while you rub yourself.

 “Tell me how wet you are.” He exhales heavily.

 Having your knees separated, your fluids wrap around your fingers. “I’m dripping.”

 He next asks to push two fingers inside; keeping your dominant hand massaging your folds, you use the other to prod two into your opening. Your skin is hot and tender, and the only thing that’s missing is his cock fucking you instead.

 You’re both panting, and you can almost hear the frantic movement of his hand pumping his length.

 “Come in my mouth.” It echoes sordidly in the stark walls of your room.

 “Yeah? You want me to fuck those beautiful lips?” you hum in response. “Then, open your mouth. Open wide for me, sweetheart.”

 Your lips part, eyes closed, and you bring your fingers to your mouth. Sliding two on the plane of your tongue, mumbling his name around your knuckles, cluing him in of what you've done.

 “You're such a good girl. Fuck your mouth for me. Take it all.” He growls with a certain urgency in his voice. “Let me hear you come.”

 Crying at his name, you rub a little faster until you hear him struggle and exhale loudly as a rush of blood flows from your center to every limb; making your toes curl, and your body shudder, better than when it’s you alone.

It’s a week later that he takes a weekend off and flies to Oregon, instead of waiting any longer to meet you again. He’s been eager to, and so have you. He arrives that Friday in the afternoon, and your nose gets lost in the scent of his neck when he lifts you off the ground for a long minute.

“It's really good to see you.” Your hands slide down his chest when he places you down.

“You too, sweetheart.” He frames your face, scanning your features, delighted, “you look gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous.”

You sigh quickly through your nose, amused.

“I mean it.” His head bows, tilting your chin up with one finger, stealing the tiniest kiss out of your lips.

“Do you wanna grab a coffee first?”

“Yeah, I'd like that.”

CHAPTER 2: Venus Observa

The weekend is off to a great start.

There's no time wasted. You’ve already talked about everything and caught up during the drive from the airport to your  apartment. The only thing that needs to be taken care off at this point is giving into the most primal need of your bodies meeting again. Without further preamble, the second you’re inside your place the space between you and Julian disappears, finding yourself tangled in a spiral of sloppy kisses and a cloud of clothes flying off on the way to your bedroom. By the time you touch the bed, the only thing left on is your panties.

“Do you trust me?” Asks Julian, pupils blown, capturing the darkness of yours.

Not a fair question right now, given that he's half naked on top of you, and you can even think straight. “I trust you enough, Jules.”

“I'd never hurt you.”

Your hand touches his neck, “I know you won't.”

Licking his lips, his stare travels down to your body as a hand soothes up your outer thigh. Your skin buzzes, goose-pimpled, under his large palm as he lies atop of you, sealing your mouth. Swimming in the twist of his tongue, you can’t stop yourself from humming, or slanting your hips against his hardness. You suck his bottom lip into your mouth, lightly biting his flesh, earning you a pleasured snarl out of him as he pulls away from you.

He, then, travels down your chest, drawing the round shape of your breasts with the tip of his tongue before trapping your puckered nipple in his lips. On his way down, he leaves a trail of open-mouth kisses all over your stomach. Circling around your navel, his tongue juts out, glancing up at you playfully as he reaches the hem of your panties. He tugs the elastic with his teeth, and hooks his fingers on the sides to pull them off you. His lips brush your inner thigh and suddenly your fingers tangle in his hair the moment he dives to taste your center.

Julian Kaye comes with a particular skill set wrapped in an amazingly sculptured package worthy of a marbled Greek God. When it comes to pleasuring a woman, his nimble tongue is capable of more wonders than just smooth talking. He doesn’t tease for longer than he needs to and knows how to pace every move, dialing back or increasing duly to your needs.

You first feel him drawing your folds and teasing at your entrance before having his fingers pushing your lips apart, exposing your clit. The ceiling spins before your eyes when his lips wrap around and suck on it, viciously loud to your ears. Letting out a moan and fisting the covers, your hips jerk against his mouth, prompting his arms to lock around your thighs, securing your legs in place.

The heat taking over your body spreads like wildfire. You weren't prepared for this at all. He groans into your pussy, and you don’t even recognize the sounds coming out of your mouth when his fingers slide into you. Basking all in, your back curves and one of your heels digs at his back while he takes you right into a full blow orgasm almost without effort.

First round over and your body melts on the sheets, losing any ability to think properly; the only thing to focus on is catching your breath. Your entrance refuses to let go of those blissful little spasms, craving for more than a tongue and two fingers.

Julian crawls next to you, smooching your shoulder. “You taste so sweet.”

Exhaling a half-laugh, your eyes flicker open, and you swipe a thumb along the sheen layer covering his plum bottom lip and push it mischievously into his mouth.

Flashing a smile, he bites your knuckle and sucks it quickly. “So fucking sweet.”

Licking your lips, you pull your knees apart, inviting him in.

There’s no use for his kit this time around when he moves on top and sinks into you, his previous work took care of slicking and stretching you out. As for protection, you’re not only on the pill, but you both got tested and exchanged results over email three days ago, so you’re free to give into your whims carefree.

He rolls slowly, propped on his forearms, staring adorably at you. “I read something interesting the other day.”

“Yeah?”

“Did you know that missionary was originally called Venus Observa? It reminded me of  what you said.”

“I didn’t,” you pant, “I like that better.”

“Thought you would.” His lips graze yours, “you are goddess right now.”

His hand swiftly moves to frame your chin, upping the rhythm on his hips. It feels good having his warmth pressing against you, and his solid-hard cock stroking your tender walls without barriers, that you don’t need much input to come undone a second time.

He slows down but doesn’t pull away. In the middle of that immense mist of dizziness eddying around you, he soothes you gently into awareness, kissing your jaw and caressing your skin, “you come so good for me, baby.”

Your eyes flicker, finding his, “you haven’t come at all. Are you holding back on me?”

“I had to take care of you first.”

“You don’t have to do that, you know?”

“I wanna.” He shrugs, gently rocking against you again. “Been dreaming about eating you up like that for weeks.”

“Have you now?” You pull his torso flush against yours, daring him, “go on now, fuck me like you mean it.”

Without missing a beat, his tongue invades your mouth eagerly with a growl, at the same time one of his hands travels down to grip at the curve of your ass. His fingers sink hard into your flesh as he drives into you with vigor, smacking your skin loudly. His breath finally falters into your kiss, and he breaks from your mouth when he’s about to come.

His searing gaze is hard and demanding, “come with me, honey.”

“I can’t.” You moan.

Stubborn as they come, sort of speak, “I’m not coming until you do.”

“I can’t, Julian.” You whimper once more, holding to his sides like a lifeline.

“I got you.” He fits one arm between your bodies, reaching to rub furiously on your oversensitive clit.

There’s no adequate words to explain the moment of elation you feel when he coats your walls as you reach orgasm for the third time. It's draining, leaves you stunned, out of breath, and unfocused.

You barely manage to stop, only to refuel and have a nap in between intense make out sessions.

Before dinner, you choose to take a bath together. You find yourself dipped in warm water, resting your back on his chest, as his arms wrap around you, hands busy kneading your thighs. You bite your lower lip as his fingers, inching closer to your groin, slide inside you.

You’ve come to love his fingers– dancing on your skin, tracing your face, swiping your lips, stimulating all your erogenous zones. Now, they’re submerged, two of them exploring your depths, thumb pressing on your swollen clit.

Julian purrs sensually into your ear, spelling words of encouragement, telling how beautiful you are, how good you feel and taste. His tongue juts out to draw the curve of your neck. Your face turns, and you capture his mouth, boldly trapping his tongue between your lips, sucking on it as if it was his dick.

“I want you in my mouth.” You mumble wantonly and his cock swells, hot and hard, against your rear.

Overly pleased with your words, he finishes you first.

You’re quick to drop to your knees when you're out of the tub to take him in your mouth.

“Don’t hold back on me now, baby.” You warn seriously before flattening your tongue at the base of his hardness. You trace his taut, delicate skin up to the frenulum, and he shivers at your will as your mouth envelops the head.

He's bigger in your mouth, that’s for sure. You try to take him all in, but you don’t push farther than your throat allows you. Instead, you use your fist as an aid, stroking his shaft while you lick and suck the juicy tip sloppily. Both his hands frame your head, twinning your damp hair without pushing you whatsoever. Jaw slacked, his grunts echo on the steamed, tiled walls as you glance up at him. His eyes cast dark and glossy, locking with yours.

Faithful to your warning, he relaxes easily into the shallow of your mouth. You moan and slobber around his skin, getting his cock buzzing on the plane of your tongue, feeding you his sticky juices that you gladly swallow after.

He confides in you later that he rarely gets a blow job from his clients. He much prefers giving pleasure than taking it, something you’ve gathered on your own. He’s not fully satisfied until you do. A rare thing he is.

You finally put some clothes on just for dinner. He yanks a pair of grey sweatpants on with no underwear or shirt, and you cover most of your body with a pair of leggings and a cozy, white Henley.

Lounging on the couch after you’ve finished your food, the coffee table ends up cluttered with Chinese takeout containers, the TV is on, but neither pays much attention to it. It’s at that moment of stillness when you realize it doesn’t feel strange having him in your home. You’ve felt his presence there countless times during all your conversations, and him occupying tangible space in your apartment feels normal.

Sitting up, he flips through several pages of the only physical copy of your book before putting it down to play with your hair the second your head pillows his lap, as you stretch legs over the armrest.

“I like your place. It's cozy.” He contemplates, weaving strands of hair between his fingers.

It’s a one-bedroom apartment with an open living space. Everything is at hand. First thing you encounter as you cross the threshold is the kitchen, a small breakfast bar, and a round dining table nearby. One corner is crowded with shelves full of books and your desk, leaving not much space for the couch and the TV stand you're facing. The short hallway leads to two doors, bedroom and bathroom.

“It's alright. I wish they'd allow pets, but you can't have it all.”

“What would you get if you could?”

“A dog. I've always wanted a dog. If this turns out,” you tap on the book, “I'll get a pup and a new place.”

“You have something really special there, sweetheart. It’ll turn out.” He bows to peck your forehead. “You should be able to have anything you want.”

“I'll be happy to break even.”

“What do you mean break even?”

“Well, I told you I was self-publishing.”

“I thought you were joking.”

“It wasn't.” You inhale deeply before continuing, “trying to find a publisher has been challenging so, I did my research and took a loan. I know how risky it is, but my editor believes in it, Sasha thinks there's a real chance here, and I have a great team behind.”

“That's a bold move, I respect that. “ His lips frown, most impressed, with a sharp nod.

“Too bold, maybe.” You mumble a little insecure, striving not to think too much about it. You still have your job thankfully and in the worst case scenario you'd get a second one if you have to.

“You have me too, you know?”

“Yeah?�� Your brow twitches, glancing up at him, “I’ll add you to the list of crazy people abetting me.”

He huffs half a laugh as you reach blindly for one of his hands and place it over your stomach. You go quiet for a while, playing with his fingers.

“What do you do around here on a Friday night anyway?” Asks Julian.

“Why? Do you wanna go out? Are you that bored of me already?”

“No, not at all.”

“We usually go to this pub a few blocks over.”

“I’d go with you.”

You give him a playful look.

“What? You don't want me to meet your friends?”

“No, I just want you all to myself tonight. I’ll take you out tomorrow if you want.”

You close your eyes briefly, clearing your throat and contemplating for a moment. You do have pretty open-minded friends, but you couldn’t even begin to explain this to them or figure out what their reactions would be to his chosen career.

“Say I introduce you to my friends, would you be okay with them knowing what you do?”

His head tilts. “Is that something that worries you?”

“No. I just want to hear your thoughts.”

“Well, it’s not something I’d like to disclose in a casual conversation.”

“Okay, so, what would you want me to say about you, career wise?”

“I used to say I was a chauffeur, or translator, an art connoisseur… depending on the client. Take your pick.”

“But we've established that I'm not a client.”

“You're not.” He reassures you.

“People are not as close minded as they used to be, Jules.”

“Look, I don't want you to be put on the spot with anyone close to you because of me. It’s easier just to say anything else, It keeps things simple, and it’s not a complete lie.” His tone comes out snappier than he probably intended to.

“I'm sorry.” You swallow nervously.

“No, I am.” He bows slightly to capture your mouth softly before explaining, “I’m not ashamed of what I do. I like keeping it private for the sake of my clients, myself and you. You’ll never know how people are going to react. No matter how open-minded you think they are; there’s still a stigma behind it. People hear prostitution, and I bet the first thing that goes through their heads is what went wrong in their life to end up like that?”

“I didn't think that.”

“You’re the exception, sweetheart. I love that you don’t think like the rest of the world.” His thumb taps gently on your temple.

“Assistant, masseuse, personal trainer…” You suggest.

“Huh?”

“It all fits with what you do.”

“Now, you're getting it.”

CHAPTER 3: Artgasm

Julian is a real master of his craft. The way he makes you come should be considered art. It’s definitely a gift and a blessing to society, to women in particular. There’s no jealousy or bewilderment at the things he’s shared with you, and after having him for almost a day either on top or below you, you can understand why people would pay for this. Something you’d have taken into account before if you had known. You don’t tell him that, of course.

When you wake up the next morning, at the edge of dawn, you feel the weight and warmth radiating from the other side of the bed. You’re back to back with him, both bodies naked under covers. There's an anticipation coiling in your lower abdomen, a pulse tendering your walls, and the sweet slickness making you ache; hearing last night’s echoes.

He had flipped you to your front and pushed his fingers inside you. He wanted you to come for real, he said. Your eyes welled up and cried in ecstasy upon your release; a release that had your whole body shaking and balling, those same sheets that absorbed half of your fluids and remained drenched long after you fell asleep.

Art. You called it. Something that some people could benefit from learning, for there’s no man, or toy, or fantasy that has had you dripping like he had.

He fucked you afterwards in that very same position. First your thighs, you can still feel when you clasped your legs purposely, trapping his length before he could slip into you. You glanced over your shoulder daring him to do it, to go for it, and he did. Having his cock sliding ardently between your inner thighs was something else entirely, just as enjoyable for you as it was for him. It built another trickle of arousal down your groin and when you couldn't take it any longer, he pushed inside you.

The cadence of his hips slapping against your ass in unbridled lust had your walls wildly contracting, claiming his cock as if it was made for you only. It was the most intense orgasm you’ve ever felt, you even had muscles jolting in your butt that you hadn’t noticed before. The wave of pleasure rushed down your legs to the end of your toes. It was intoxicating and made you feel empty when he was done with you. Your ears rang and for a moment you almost felt like passing out before he tucked his arms around you, pulling you flush against his chest, where you fell asleep.

The room still smells like sex, of you and him mixed together.

Greedy for more, you sip some water from the glass on your bedside table and spin to the side to face his broad back. You press a kiss between his shoulder blades, wishing he’d wake up. Reveling in his warmth, you hug his torso. The tip of your nose grazes his skin, capturing the smell of clean sweat, your body wash, and the tinge of smoke from the cigarette he snuck out to smoke on the rooftop way past midnight.

Calmly, you call his name a few times until he shyly comes awake in your arms. Sighing low, he rolls to his back, and you shift with him, leaning on his chest.

“Everything alright, sweetheart?” He utters drowsily, arm wrapping lazily around you.

“Everything’s good.” You grin, confessing, “I just wanted to kiss you,” and you press your lips at the corner of his mouth, listing playfully, “and touch you, and fuck you, and eat you, and fuck you some more.”

Humoring your whims, he squeezes the curve of your hips, pushing you on top of him.

Bestriding his lap and laying on his torso, you seal his mouth tenderly. His hands roam your ass, while you grind slowly, producing the swelling of his length against your soaked flesh.

“There you are,” you grin, “I missed you.”

“Me or my cock?”

“Both.”

“I'm right here, just for you.” He groans, waking up gradually faster, nails digging at your meat, pulling your hips harder against him.

Straightening your top half, you lift your ass and sink onto him, fitting you better every fucking time. You ride him leisurely for as long as you can. Adoring the feeling of his smooth chest, his wandering hands, and his teeth scraping your body without ever leaving marks at all. He cuddles you afterwards, kisses your hair, draws your spine with feather-light touches; bathing you in something you could only recognize as love, for the lack of a better term, right now.

Once you've recovered from that, you cook a big breakfast together. There’s coffee and toast, eggs and bacon, fruit salad and waffles.

Straddling his lap on the couch and flashing a wide smile, you hold the top of a stemless strawberry between your teeth and dip your head to share it with him. Julian bites half of it, and you both start laughing when the strawberry is crushed and its juices spill from your lips to his chin. You swallow and use your tongue to lick his face clean as if there were no napkins at hand.  He gets a kick out of it and rumbles a beautiful laugh you haven’t heard before.

Then, you follow the trail down his neck. His head tilts back to give you more room as you pepper his skin with licks and kisses. Mapping his chest further down, the tip of your tongue misbehaves, playfully flicking one of his nipples. At the same time, your fingers curl around his dick, over his sweats. Delighted with your moves, he breathes deeply as you begin stroking his length gently.

His hands take a hold of your face, guiding it to make eye contact with him. One of his palms slides to your nape as the other fits your jaw, slowly bringing you to his mouth, pressing a chaste, lovely kiss on yours.

“You're a sweetheart.” He hushes, pecking your curved lips twice.

“Yeah? You like that?”

“I love that.”

Keeping a hold on your head without breaking from your gaze, you peel the waistband of his sweatpants back, exposing his erection. You see his lip twitching as you wrap both hands firmly around him. Pumping just a tad faster, his hot breath brushes your lips as you increase the pace little by little. Your thumb draws circles around his head, collecting the pre-cum gushing out, and you bring it to your lips, making sure he watches as you suck it into your mouth.

His length pulses in your fist, as his nails dig on your scalp. Overly pleased with yourself by the way you’re making him coil and grunt in your hold, you sensually bounce on his lap as if you were fucking him until he explodes in your palms.

Slowing down from all the bedroom activities, you pull yourselves together and dress up casually before going out. You have lunch at your favorite restaurant and show him around your city.

It still strikes you the amount of effortless decorum of his manner, attentive and elegant, as the night you met him. You find yourself ignoring the rest of the world, just talking to him. He’s funny and easy-going in the daylight, sultry and playful at night. You wonder if this is just him or a perk of his job. Whatever it is, you’d bask it all in. You love how he makes you feel. He’s brought you a freedom and a newfound love for sex you haven’t known before. In addition, the distraction from work has been much necessary.

It’s hard to pick just one place for someone who has traveled to many countries and cities. You give him a few options, and he picks the Japanese Garden over the art gallery you suggested. When you arrive there, you take your time exploring the path that guides you from one stunning world to another, it’s bathed in all shades of green working in harmony with rose colored flowers and trees in full bloom.

The stroll is more serene and romantic than you remember, though your perception might be askew since you haven’t been here with a romantic partner before. You stop at the key spots to admire the view of the beautiful landscape. You fall easily into holding his hand and having his arm curling around your waist, as the intense physical contact morphs into the sweetest displays of affection that anyone else would deem as couple behavior.  

Standing on a bridge, facing the Heavenly Falls, he kisses your neck from behind, nosing your hair out of the way and lifting your wrist. He tugs the sleeve of your shirt up,   revealing your dragonfly tattoo that he swipes with a  thumb. He’s curious about it, you tell him the story. It doesn’t have a deeper meaning other than having it done many years ago after graduating from high school and before leaving for college. You and your three best friends wanted to get one together, but didn't truly want to have matching tattoos. You picked a simple dragonfly, outlined, like a drawing from a book a child would color in. Eve, ironically, got an apple tattooed on her hip. Sasha got a paw print from her childhood dog on her ankle. And Yvonne got a tiny half moon behind her ear.

His arms lock around your waist, bringing back that apprehension upon your first meeting. New different jitters have you shaking this time around, making your stomach sick as if you were riding a roller coaster. You dived so fast into indulging your cravings, disregarding altogether any feeling that's been brewing inside for months.

“Jules.” Comes out heavy-sighted out of your mouth.

The silence is suddenly striking. He kisses the back of your nape, then squeezes your hip, turning your body around. Face to face, it pours out of the warmth of his brown eyes boring into yours. It’s embedded in every little caress, word and thought, that he’s right there with you–   same spot, same page, same sick feeling.

Linking your arms around his neck, your foreheads, and lips meet halfway ever so tender you can’t even stomach the sickly sweetness of it all anymore.

“You gotta stop doing that,” you exhale, getting yourself into trouble by straight-up saying out loud, “you’re making me fall for you.”

“I’m making you? That’s rich.” Grinning, he pecks your mouth again. “It goes both ways, sweetheart.”

“It’s crazy, Julian. We’re fucking crazy.”

“Oh, you think so?” He wonders facetiously.

“I mean, this is only the second time we’ve met.” Your palms gesture upward in frustration before resting on his collarbones. “Is that enough to know someone?”

Smirk crossing his face, his smooth and calm tone brushes your lips. “We’ve talked and we’ve fucked. I know everything about you, and there lies everything to know about me.”

His words work like a spell, binding you tighter to the inevitable doom waiting at the edge of his lips. You welcome it gladly, anytime.

CHAPTER 4: Unbidden

Sunday is your last day with Julian. He's bound to take off tomorrow morning and you're missing him already. Besides that little outing yesterday, all you've accomplished this weekend is spending more time in bed than you could have ever dreamed of. Having him here has been nothing but bliss and the day coming to an end tightens the knot in your stomach.

It’s in the evening when you’ve gone back to bed that you’ve taken a lotus position, sitting on his lap, his legs folded underneath, as you wrap your own around his waist. Intimately close, needing this to last and wanting to remember what it felt having him here, your hips drag it out- grinding achingly slack for both. He mouths all over your chest, his hands gripping at your ass, following your rhythm.

Your head drops to his shoulder, suddenly overcome by the desire of spelling out loud that you love him. You battle that urge, that stupid word, love, poised on your tongue, unbidden. Your breath hitches, swallowing it back before guiding your focus back to Julian.

His sweaty curls stick out to his forehead when you meet his eyes. The way they bore through you when you adjust your hips and sink onto his hardness is searing; tantamount to lit you on fire on the spot. You continue rolling at the same controlled pace with the added pressure of him stroking your walls.

You frame his face, weighting your forehead on his, as tears trickle down your cheeks from holding your release twice. He’s taken the same approach. His muscles are taut, red-hot under your palms while you fuck him. You burn slowly with him until neither can hold it any longer. His choked breath is loud against your neck, while your nails drag so hard at his shoulder blades, leaving sharp scratch marks on his skin upon struggling with your own orgasm.

Proof that it'd only be worse when he actually leaves in a few hours, that familiar pang of emptiness returns to your chest when it's done and he parts from you to take a smoke break. He quickly pulls on some clothes and a coat before climbing the stairs up to the rooftop of your building.

In a sad attempt to rationalize what is this between the two of you, you realized this is not just physical attraction, or a whim of your body acting to the chemical reaction of your brain upon his presence.

Driving yourself crazy, you go over the options of how this could work. Considering a casual relationship could be the best choice but you’re not sold on the idea of getting into a long-distance relationship. Hell, close-distance relationships have been difficult enough. And truthfully, being close to him is the part that you love the most. You’ve fantasized a couple times about moving somewhere else, in reality you could work from anywhere- you have to stop yourself right there, you’re getting way ahead about this without knowing how he truly feels. The fact that he’s here without conditions or material exchange should be enough of a clue that maybe he’s open to something more.

You gather yourself, having the quickest of showers to cool your body down and lay back on your side, tucking your hands under the pillow.

Resting your eyes for a minute, you don't fall completely asleep but you don’t hear him come back in either. You heave suddenly out of that limbo at the brushing of his lips pressed on your shoulder, unsure of how much time has passed.

“Hey, baby,” he noses at the curve of your neck, “did I wake you?”

“Uh-uh.” You utter softly, rolling to your back to look at him. “Thought you were quitting.”

“Smoking? I’m trying. Only got half of it.” He huffs, exhaling a mint-scented breath from the mouthwash he's just used. “Had to talk to Eli about next week.”

“You’re not gonna forget about me, are you?” Your hand slides up his neck, combing the hair behind his ear with your fingers.

“How could you ask me that? Of course not. I’ll call every day.”

“Where are you going, again?”

“Tahiti.”

“Hmm. That sounds nice.”

His lips curve, laying on top of you, dragging the sheet over his head, covering you both. He stares at you enraptured, caressing your face ever so lovely.

“It is beautiful, just like you. I'm gonna take you one day. Would you like that?”

That sounds like a commitment.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

You barely sleep for a couple of hours and stay up mostly talking and daydreaming about all the places you could visit together, only to be slapped into reality when the alarm goes off, marking the time for you to get ready for work, and for him to leave for the airport.

[waywardvictorianconfessions]

NAC:

I absolutely cringe at some of the things i see written about EA nowadays. She's done absolutely horrible and unforgivable things that she should be held accountable for, but to complete erase her trauma, armchair diagnose and undiagnose her with different illnesses, (not to mention vilify some illnesses such as borderline and narcissistic personality disorder. ps: you can have personality disorder and bipolar, its not uncommon or impossible, i have pdx BPD and Bipolar 1.) demonize her for cutting family contact for reasons we simply don't know about, and get angry she wrote a book including very personal things (ex: the cutting diaries) to then bitch about the removal of them is completely laughable. The vast majority of us found EA when we needed her in life, even if you were just going through a moody teen phase, im sure it felt real in that moment. She's changed, you've changed. Talk about the real problematic things shes done or move on ?? (1/2)

[uswnt5]

Thered be no real point in having pdx, sea and la and no american east coast city. Those three cities are relatively close together and would be a bit of a spanner in the works of having a branched out campaign. Considering both the strong company ties and pinoes strong ties to NYC, its the clear next choice. Sure, didnt she even talk about being bicoastal and living in seattle and new York in her interview about roe v wade. And sues said she's going to have season tickets to the liberty games.

yep

[etakeh]

Yes I’m writing about this again. My original post, made shortly after the events last night. 

**CONTENT WARNING POLICE VIOLENCE, SHOOTINGS, VIOLENT DEATH**

I’M NOT KIDDING THIS IS ROUGH.

One of the victims had some things to say today.   Yeah it’s going to take up space because no alt text on PC.

sᴛᴀʏ sᴇxʏ & ᴅᴏɴ’ᴛ ɢᴇᴛ ᴋᴇᴛᴛʟᴇᴅ @dontgetkettled Can you, in your wildest nightmares, imagine holding your friend as they leave this earth while your other friends strip your clothes to plug the holes in your body while the ambulances park on the perimeter and let you all bleed out. I’ll never forgive them. I screamed for them. 5:11 AM · Feb 20, 2022

I couldn’t wash off the blood until I got home and someone talked me into it. It’s all I had left of her. Holding my hands carefully apart for hours in the ER, terrified they would hand me some water with condensation on the bottle and it would start to wash off. Why. Why. Why. 9:55 AM · Feb 20, 2022

It was all traffic corkers he opened fire on. Four women. Unarmed. Non threatening. One with a cane. Two more heard the shots, came to help, he shot them too.

If you’re outside Portland and have marches, find your corkers and buy them ballistic vests. I wasn’t wearing mine. 10:52 AM · Feb 20, 2022

Thank you to the person who pulled off my clothes to plug my holes when I refused to get off my friend. Thank you for not dragging me away. Thank you to the person who held compression on me. Thank you to every helper. I’m proud of you all. 10:54 AM · Feb 20, 2022

Need to clarify this. The cops wouldn’t let EMTs approach because they “didn’t know the scene was secure.” But the shooter had long been tackled and disarmed. Me running at them covered in blood and screaming that they were letting us die convinced them I guess? I feel so broken.

Ted Wheeler put a target on us. You know who these ignorant, violent, vigilantes have to get through first? Before they get to a crowd? Traffic corkers. They have to get through us. It was always going to be us first. Our blood is on his hands. 1:40 PM · Feb 20, 2022

My best friend and I walked out of the ER with 11 total bullet holes and multiple grazes. Walked out. Limped out I guess. How are we alive? Why are we alive? They just… sent us home. How do you just go home? I kept asking if this was real. Is it?

3:15 PM · Feb 20, 2022

I want people to know that when our brave, beloved friend left this world she was not alone. I was with her. I was holding her and stroking her head and holding her hand and talking to her. She wasn’t alone. I don’t know what comfort there is in that but she wasn’t alone. 3:18 PM · Feb 20, 2022

=============================

I read another statement from a victim, but it was apparently not supposed to be made public so I’m just going to say, they were angry.  So angry.  And have no intention of stopping.

I’ll probably post more about this.  I think people thought it was over in PDX, that they’d given up.  They haven’t.  Things may be toned down, but there are still people out there doing the work.

[Please @staff​ get us some alt text for desktop.  Imagine trying to do all of this on a phone.]

[chocolvte]

after the whole pdx saga i’m never watching anymore survival shows, especially if it’s under mnet. i really don’t care what they can bring to the table for these young trainees because breaking them down for views is fucking horrible. i don’t watch gp999 but i heard of bahiyyih and how she lost her spark throughout the episodes, it’s heartbreaking honestly. she’s really talented too, from what i saw in that 1 minute challenge video that went semi viral. heard she isn’t getting the spotlight she deserves as well :/

yeah i hate the way they treat the trainees. and the way they have obvious favorites. it also rly rubbed me the wrong way that the only real screen time she got was in the first episode to talk about her brother?? and she literally is so talented and doing so well but they never showcase that in the show itself.

and she’s also so sweet??? like she’s always supporting the other girls in her group and offering them comfort and it just breaks my heart that the show isn’t giving her the attention she deserves. not that the other trainees don’t deserve attention or that bahiyyih is perfect, but still. it just makes me sad.

[cosplayinamerica]

ARTIST ALLEY @mooochiiart

What inspired you to come up with the name Mooochiiart? I assume love of mochi?

To be honest, I’ve had this username now for almost 4 ½ years.. It’s kind of morphed from MomoCupcakes, to Mooochiiart. My real name is Monique, and I’ve had people call me Mo, Moo or Moo Moo and well.. I’m an artist hence the “art” in my name. Yes, I do love Mochi, but mostly pie.

How do you describe your style and how has it changed if any over the time you’ve done art? What were some of your earlier influences?

My style of art has definitely changed over time. That comes with improvement and experimenting. Anime has been a significant influence on my art style I’d say. Some of my favorite Deviantart artists were Inma, Nanomortis, Ross Tran and so on.

I really enjoyed your Redraw 2015, I think it is a great concept to see how your skills have developed over the years. Can you talk about where you were in your skills around 2015/2017 and 2020?

My skills changed around that time, I was a full time college student and worked part time. I was taking art classes, and I’d say that it taught me fundamentals which have been helpful with my work. When I was still in high school, I would spend hours upon hours drawing and working towards improving. 2015-2017 era of art was when I was experimenting and trying different mediums between ink and markers to watercolors. That was before I got into digital media.

You work in both digital and traditional medium, do you have a preference? What are the pros/cons to you personally?

I love working with both mediums. I began working with digital media consistently around late 2019 on my Ipad with Clip Studio Paint. I worked with a Wacom tablet on my laptop before switching to the Ipad. I began drawing traditionally around my freshmen-sophomore year of high school. 

How long have you been doing artist alley and describe what was your first table experience like!

The only Artist Alley I’ve done so far was Fandom PDX in January 2020, just a few months before Covid. This was not my first time attending a con, I’ve been to several others, this was my first one attending in the artist alley. I had applied to several other ones, unfortunately, they were either postponed or cancelled. My first table was an amazing experience, I learned a lot from my first time attending. I had my mom and sister helping me.

Before I worked in one, I already had an Etsy shop, and I’ve worked for small businesses. I’ve had experience working retail and one thing is: interacting with people. I’ve noticed it helped with sales. Network, get to know people.

Since the pandemic, how are you coping with this change both personally and business-wise?

With Covid particularly, I’ve been pretty active on social media. Just getting the word out. Since everything is online these days, I’ve been trying to improve shop sales by being active online. I will admit, it has felt slightly depressing that conventions have been postponed or cancelled.. Since it was my first year of applying and getting into them. Let’s just hope 2021 is a much better year for artists and small businesses owners. I have a day job so I’ve been okay financially.. I would like to make a living off my work one day so it’s a work in progress towards that.

What are your plans for the future, what are you working on?

At the moment, I’m just in school to get a degree in marketing and business.. And illustration. I’m working on improving shop sales, and post covid, work towards getting into more events. I’m taking things one step at a time with my career goals.

https://linktr.ee/mooochiiart

[noahhernandez]

2/9/2015 v. 8/11/2020

1:Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie. My favorite movie is Scream, and it started when I saw the midnight premier of Scream 4 with my dad back when I was in 8th grade, then Scream 1 came on AMC late on night and I just really like it

I still think Scream is one of my favorites, but Halloween has jumped up there just because I am obsessed with all things horror really lol. I started to love Halloween because of the new trilogy.

2:Talk about your first kiss. It’s really not that interesting but really like embarrassing. It was with my first boyfriend and I had just turned 15 and we were at the school just walking around and we went into the band hall and I was like ok im leaving and he was like wait and we kissed and i was like o

the same ! 

3:Talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for. I never really have had intense feelings for anyone. I d k

One my exes- I mean we were dating for awhile so that’s pretty intense to me. 

4:Talk about the thing you regret most so far. I regret… Nothing really I mean, I have done really bad things in my life, but i don’t regret them

I regret failing like 2 semesters of college lmao and almost dropping out. If i didn’t then I would 1- would have been done earlier and 2- would have already completed a year of grad school but IDK also another is wasting lots of money in 2017-2018

5:Talk about the best birthday you’ve had. The best birthday I’ve had was.. Idk This year was was nice I saw Iggy Azalea in concert, then I celebrated my friends’ birthday then mine and it was just everyone got to get together so ya this year my 18th

For my 21st birthday I went to Portland, Oregon and spent the weekend there and it was pretty and my first time there so it was nice despite what I think about PDX now. I don’t even know what I was doing for my 19 and 20th birthday lol. 

6:Talk about the worst birthday you’ve had. My 17th birthday because I was stuck 2 hours away from home with a bunch of nerds doing a band competition 

That is still probably my worst birthday. I forget to mention that I was gone literally from like 7am to midnight. They werent a bunch of loser nerds, they were my friends, but I still wish I was just at home lol. 

7:Talk about your biggest insecurity. I am skinny, but not fit. If I eat anything I get this like stomach and it makes me so sad. and ever since I got a job I work odd hours and I eat a lot of fast food and I’ve gained 10 pounds in 2 years and I guess i’m insecure about my weight

I am still insecure about my weight, and I probably weight like 5 pounds more than I did when I made this post 5 1/2 years ago. 

8:Talk about the thing you are most proud of. We have band banquets for band, and I only went my sophomore and junior year, and seniors give out awards to underclassmen that are just jokes really, and both years 4 different seniors gave me an award for being the biggest gossip in the entire band and I was proud of that lol

Well since then I have graduated both high school and college. I am proud that I finished college !! A BS in Psych. Proud of myself that I got promoted (in 2017) at my job; i’m proud of myself that I have my own apartment, and blah blah basically just doing regular adult shit. 

9:Talk about little things on your body that you like the most. I like my nose because of how perfectly fixed it is. I also really like my freckles/moles/dark marks idk what they are exactly, but they’re on my face and they look great

I still feel the same way about this, maybe add my eyebrows- they’re not like clean and nice they’re just expression markers on my face that i love.

10:Talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had. I got into a fight with my old friend Angelica and that was almost 4 months ago and we used to be best friends and now we never talk.

When Janett didn’t talk to me all summer of 2019 because I told our other friend Angel something

11:Talk about the best dream you’ve ever had. I cant remember one 12:Talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had. I can’t remember one

13:Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time. The closest thing i’ve had to like sex was being locked in a back of an SUV with a stranger drunk as fuck and naked and its embarrassing

Just awkward and nothing to which I expected. 

14:Talk about a vacation. When I was 16, the high school band took a trip to Hawaii, and all my friends were in band so it was great. We did a lot of things, we toured Pearl Harbor and even played a few patriotic songs on the USS Miss. and our hotel was on Wakiki beach. I went snorkeling in some beautiful water and shit and idk just walked all around Hawaii having a great time omg we got on stage at the Hard Rock Cafe and sang with German people i miss it

Hm that was fun. But I.. went to NY with my ex and that was pretty cool because I literally love New York, and I went to NOLA two years ago (today actually) and got miserably drunk so that was fun too 

15:Talk about the time you were most content in life. Probably just in the middle of junior year when everything and everyone was going with the flow

I feel like 2016 was a very content year because I remember nothing about it. 

16:Talk about the best party you’ve ever been to. Idk which one to talk about the one where I had a lot of fun and risked my life or the one where there was a lot of drama stirred up and drank myself to sadness. 

I haven’t really been to a party? I have gone out and had good times. Really anytime my friends and I go out I am having a good time 

17:Talk about someone you want to be friends with. I am already friends with people I want to be friends with

18:Talk about something that happened in elementary school. I kissed a boy on the back of the head and i told I just fell onto his head

Let me think of another one. Back in like fourth grade my friend was in a wheel chair and his backpack was falling from the back and I was trying to grab it and i was only 3 feet tall i couldnt see over or wasnt paying attention and i crashed him right into the bookshelves at the library. 

19:Talk about something that happened in middle school. A girl was mad at me because idk why lol and she pushed me in the hall way and I fucking flew across that hall on the floor and hit the wall she’s pregnant now

When I was in 5th grade (which is considered middle school in my district) I was standing on the play ground and someone threw a stick at my head and it knocked me the fuck out and I was bleeding from my temple.

20:Talk about something that happened in high school. In Jr. Year I was pulling into the parking lot but I was texting and I accidentally put half my car on grass area near the side walk luckily it was 7am and only one person saw me do it lol

One summer going into our senior year we had a party at Michelle’s house. First of all we were very drunk and Coby’s parents were like we are coming over and we cleaned TF UP so fast and sat on the couch and turned on I Know What You Did Last Summer and his parents were like interesting and and left and then we continued to drink anyways- we started playing truth or dare and my friend Angelica was like I dare u to kiss Anthony (someone I had liked prior) and he wouldnt and we started attacking him and calling him homophobic and hitting him with pillows lmao- him and I are still friend-ish

21:Talk about a time you had to turn someone down. I can’t think of something right now.

Literally anyone on grindr.

22:Talk about your worst fear. I’m afraid of having no career and being stuck doing something I hate and living paycheck to paycheck

Yeah, I’m scared of that still but I.. think just like being broke and jobless. RN with the pandemic we aren’t really working and still getting gov’t assistance, so.  IDK being a real real adult scares me a lot. 

23:Talk about a time someone turned you down. I can’t think of a time :)

One time in like 2016 maybe idk - this dude told me to come over and he lived far like not that far maybe 25 minutes lol far for me anyways I got to his apartment and there was a gate code and i asked him what it was and he didnt answer and it was like 2-3am and nobody was coming in or out and so i was like damn this sucks lmao

24:Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot. Nothing really has meant a lot to me. Everyone tells me the same thing over and over again and its so surface level

I still can’t think of anything but I’m sure the friends I have met since this and my friends Faith, Michelle, Peter, and Alisa have said something supportive that meant a lot to me. 

25:Talk about an ex-best friend. Angelica Ramirez. She was my best friend for only 3 years, but together we went through A LOT of shit. We started out senior year just fine, but she lied about a few things and made a lot of us feel like crap in October. I won’t lie, I do miss her. We have too many memories to just forget, too many funny stories and great adventures. She helped me with too much, and sometimes I think about how I cut her out of my life and I mad a bad choice. But only time can heal things and I have moved on and truly found people that won’t make me mad every 30 seconds. 

Brianna Pajak, I don’t remember anything about her except she was poor and we stopped being friends because she always wanted to fight and be annoying. 

26:Talk about things you do when you’re sick. Lay on bed on my computer and watch TV

I normally just suffer and cry about wishing I was healthy again.

27:Talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body. Their…!!>>>??? 

I must have nice hands and ur nose must be nice too! so nose and hands. lol

28:Talk about your fetishes. none

yeah I don’t have any lol not that I can think of. 

29:Talk about what turns you on. Idk i really like kissing and touching and this is awkward. 

30:Talk about what turns you off. bad breath by

that and ugly/rough hands, acne sorry i know it is natural but, shorter than me lol, white people, long hair on guys, and thats about it i think hm i am single yes 

31:Talk about what you think death is like. I think its like idk its scary tho

um idk i dont like thinking about death because i literally want to cry when i think about it. 

32:Talk about a place you remember from your childhood. I remember being in trees a lot

My step grandma’s a lot because my parents were working and she would watch us. She passed away about a month ago :( 

33:Talk about what you do when you are sad. I usually only tell one person and that person is Alisa and I cry sometimes to her and expect her to make things better and she does thank u

I be doing the same thing, I text someone and that person could really be anyone but it happened the other day and I texted Bri and she was very helpful. 

34:Talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured. I have no idea, I’ve never broken pulled strained twisted fractures or anything i have no life

I still haven’t done any of that stuff to my body. I also have burn scars but I did not feel those when it was happening. I would just say i guess my wisdom teeth coming in because I did not get them removed. I have 3 out lol.

35:Talk about things you wish you could stop doing. Pushing potential love interests away 

I have had some ‘love interests’ since this post, but it’s been about a year now since and I kind of push away the opportunity of getting close to someone. I also need to stop being a bitch sometimes. 

36:Talk about your guilty pleasures. eating 

I would say idk eating was a stupid answer. 

37:Talk about someone you thought you were in love with. never

I was in love and i didn’t ‘think’ I was in love. I don’t know what you mean by talk about them, they were my partner but we broke up hehe.

38:Talk about songs that remind you of certain people. Fireflies by Owl City reminds me of my 7th grade crush Fancy by Iggy Azalea reminds me of my two friends Michelle and Alisa idk anything else

um Idk. i rly cant think  39:Talk about things you wish you’d known earlier. I wish I would have known that

That it’s okay to tell people you’re struggling lol . That is okay to fail sometimes (school).  40:Talk about the end of something in your life. everything is just about to start

When I ended how to get away with murder I wish I never did I love that show with all my heart. 

[hwqll]

ohh pdx~ (if this is what im thinking) those shows always stress me out T^T i just get too attached. like when i watched mx’s no mercy i bawled when they got to eliminations.

omg yes tbz relaxation fund (but also wifi fund) hehe puzzles are fun! we got pokemon puzzles and they were surprisingly more difficult that i expected 😩

thank you 💕 i am staying safe since i rarely leave my house lol (the protests are crazy and im stressed bc of them, but i live far from them so im okay! thank you 💕)

anyways hope you’re having a wonderful day/night and good luck on your exam! you’re going to kill it~

- 🌙

oh for sure :[ my first time watching pdx tho wasn’t that bad bc i know where most people end up (like debuted) so it was reassuring to see them be successful outside the show :’) watching broduce in real time was stressful though also ahhhh i cannot watch no mercy i think my heart would break LOL it sounds too angsty for me 

hearing you talk about puzzles sounds so fun i wanna buy some HAHA lately i’ve picked up japanese again nd that’ll be my hobby for now :D also i hope you’re safe ;; glad you live far but yeah january will be pretty messy i presume

[anti-pedophile-action]

The Forgotten History of when Portland IWW was Infiltrated by Pedophile Supporters

Every political movement faces tough questions about how to reject reactionary entryism from fascists and pedophiles. What matters is how a community or organization responds. As radical leftists and antifascists we believe in drawing hard lines and exposing monsters. As one IWW member put it, “The state didn’t invent the idea that there are consequences to our actions.“ For real consequences institutional memory must be preserved.

In 2014 it was revealed that an IWW member, Tomas Bernal, had committed an act of sexual violence while travelling in Mexico against a person who was 12. This was revealed when Tomas sent a confession email to the IWW listserv. There was never a question about whether he had committed the act or not. He had been in a relationship with another IWW member who said they felt unsafe and had experienced interpersonal violence from Tomas. They will be referred to here as the PDX Survivor.

As a result of his confession, which many found to be very self centering and deflecting of blame, a number of members immediately asked for his expulsion from the IWW.

Over the proceeding months a small group of members of which Ashley Jackson, Jessica Harris, and Adam Nee were a prominent part, created an intense environment of confusion, intimidation, and harassment for people demanding his permanent expulsion and for his PDX Survivor and allies. Some of the tactics they employed included:

creating procedural blocks and criticizing the process

blaming the PDX survivor for creating an “unsafe space” and endangering people, in addition to framing the ask for expulsion as some kind of revenge plot

saying that people discussing the community safety risk were breaking security culture

claiming that people wanting to exclude Tomas were engaged in a secret cabal in violation of IWW process

claiming that their voices (Ash and Jess) as survivors (in a general sense) were being sidelined and silenced through listening to the PDX survivor and other survivors of childhood sexual assault and IPV

trying to force their way into meetings for survivors directly processing the trauma around their and Tomas’ actions

When the final PDX IWW vote was taken to exclude Tomas, 28 voted for permanent expulsion….and 9 voted for no expulsion.

This harassment campaign persisted for months upon months and generated a mass exodus from the PDX IWW from people who fundamentally could not put up with the endless discussion around whether you could expel a member for an act of sexual violence against a minor.

This created intense and deep divisions within the community, and to this day many people choose to avoid organizing spaces as they fear seeing Adam, Jess, & Ash. After the exodus, Adam, Jess, & Ash, and others were still in positions of leadership and started to rewrite history within the wobs. New and incoming members were told a MUCH different story. In 2016/17 it started to become clear to some active wobs that the IWWPDX had an official relationship with Class Struggle Workers (Adam, Jess, & Ash’s most public group) and The Internationalist Group (which they are also in). Some workers knew that these groups have a history of endorsing and defending NAMBLA. From the Internationalists Group website: http://www.internationalist.org/lficonferencedocument1712.html "We have already had a taste of witch-hunting by red-baiting reformist leftists and feminists intent on provoking retaliation for our principled defense of gay and lesbian rights and our opposition to anti-gay repression of unpopular groups such as NAMBLA." When this was brought up in a meeting, Adam, Jess, & Ash did their normal routine of harassment, deflection, derailing of process, and intimidation of workers. They claimed that people were being homophobic and oppressive for having critiques of NAMBLA. They shortly left the wobs after this to focus solely on Class Struggle Workers (which is a front group for the Internationalist Group). Meeting notes from that IWW meeting can be found here: https://libcom.org/forums/north-america/portland-wobblies-31082016?fbclid=IwAR23Wu1x3kKusDAd95nd5ecCa9KrpThkmapQar74vZsutDapya9OYbEtZeo “When the motion came under discussion, the 3 CSWP members immediately formed a bloc, roundly condemning the motion with a flurry of accusations: calling it slander, a witch-hunt, anticommunist, patriarchal, racist, and homophobic. One member recounted a personal anecdote in an attempt to justify the notion that very underage people should be able to enter into sexual relationships with adults, and claimed that my opposition to this was a patriarchal attempt to tell young women/underage children what to do with their bodies. Furthermore, they claimed that I made them feel unsafe and said that by talking publicly about these issues with the IG that I was calling for what they said amounted to the “murder” of IG members. They then called into question my emotional and mental stability, as they claimed that I was “mentally disturbed” to think that the IG supported pedophilia, and that I and the motion itself violated the safer space rule.” Throughout the years people have directly questioned them about their ties to NAMBLA. They alternate between obfuscation, lying, harassment, and intimidation. Here are some of their own words from their newsletter about where they stand on NAMBLA https://www.icl-fi.org/english/wv/1099/salt.html "Foaming with rage at our opposition to reactionary “age of consent” laws and our forthright defense of NAMBLA (the North American Man/Boy Love Association) against state repression, they slanderously raved about predator “pedophiles” and “child rape.”" "Groups like NAMBLA who are slandered, framed up and witchhunted by the capitalist state must be defended! Only a party that actively champions the rights of all the oppressed can lead the struggle for proletarian socialist revolution." Considering their past defense of a person who molested a 12 year old while visiting Mexico as a tourist…….it is hard to see their support for NAMBLA as anything but part of a long history of supporting and propping up pedophiles and childhood sexual violence. Most recently, their group Class Struggle Workers came out to a proposed Klan Rally and flew their banner, while Adam, Jess, & Ash also repped the Internationalist Group.

To this day, Adam Nee, Jessica Harris, & Ashley Jackson have never admitted to any wrong-doing, and continue to stand by the totality of their actions.

Fascist and fascist-friendly reactionary groups like Patriot Prayer have a long history of welcoming with open arms pedophiles like Bob West and Deme Cooper. As antifascists our struggle is to hold the radical left to a higher standard.

These are all their OWN publicity photos:

[hannahsyogi]

It Takes A Village To Bring Life To People ft. Ronnie A.K.A. BeSpeak

Happy Tuesday Folx! Y’all know what it is.. we have a new episode!! We have a VERY special guest this week. @ronnie_aka_bespeak stopped by the studio and schooled us on how to be a creator in pdx, discussing his music and incredible ability to lift up his community. Take notes y’all! He is a certified crooner and overall GENIUS!! Make sure to check out his new album A.K.A. Bespeak on Apple Music and if you haven’t yet, get tix to his upcoming show at the Mission Theater on March 9th! Stay tuned til the very end to hear new music from Ronnie! We love you and thank you all for always reminding us that #ittakesavillage !