#realistically i could hurt him so badly or stop him from hurting me so i basically hold all the power here

[dior-and-dietcoke]

───ENVYING HIS ANGEL.

⌗ 𝐀𝐊!𝐉𝐀𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐎𝐃𝐃 + 𝐁𝐈𝐌𝐁𝐎!𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑

𝟏𝟖+, DARK CONTENT, kind of corruption kink, DUBCON, breeding, hint of ddlg, rough sex, spit, slight size kink, choking, slapping, harsh degradation turning into praise, chubby!reader, Jason's emotions are all over the place, implied Stockholm syndrome and kidnapping, little bit of soft love declaration, the "I can fix him" syndrome, finger sucking, mentioned forced cum eating, all characters are over 18, readers skin color is not mentioned

Your kidnapper comes back and he's acting weirder than usually

✧ 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐒 𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓 ✧ 𝟏𝟖+ 𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐘!!

You were in the knights big and cold room, feeling the cold breeze on your bare skin dressed in nothing but that baby pink lingerie he has gifted you, waiting for him to come back from whatever he was doing all night, he never told you anything, he didn't need to, All you knew was that he had multiple dark blue and red bruises whenever he came back..maybe even some open wounds, like every other night.

The sound of loud and heavy steps suddenly but slowly came closer and closer until the metal door opened, and immediately got slammed back into it's doorframe.

your knight was finally back, standing tall and big in his impressive armor. He was quiet until you stood up from the bed "Honey, i—" "sit down."

His moduled voice demanded, giving you shivers and making you instinctively fall back onto the soft cream colored sheets "yes, sir.."

you looked up at him as he slouched towards the big mirror and closet as he took the helmet off, the way he moved seemed like he was hurt badly, he was leaning against the dresser by holding the door in a tight grip with his left hand.

Realistically, you shouldn't care about how hurt your kidnapper was but..you were already over questioning your feelings towards this dangerous man, your dumb mind just knew that you loved him..yeah, he kidnapped you but just like he told you "it's safer here, than outside.." and he was right, you would've been already dead in a ditch, on the cold streets outside the destroyed gotham,

or worse, "the horrible men outside could do horrible things to you". He made good points to you. even though he was even more dangerous than these men he was talking about, but he wanted to protect you..

"J-jay?.." you asked hesitantly as he slammed the helmet onto the desk, letting his natrual voice speak up "what?" It sounded almost annoyed, you knew he had a short temper. But that didn't stop you from pursuing him.

Your body twitched and you grabbed at the sheets, your throat was dry due to the fear you felt when he talked like that..but the thing is, the fear of him is what pulls you towards him. The fear you feel when looking at his tall form in his intimidating armor gets you excited like nothing else, knowing that he could beeak you in half just like that made you so, so wet. and he knows that too, you're not the best at hiding these feelings.

You stood back up and hugged his big and cold armored torso, you felt him immediately tense up "I missed you.."

His breath hitched softly as your hands took his armory off of his tense and sore body, Jason let out a soft almost incoherent sigh

"I get so lonely without you, jay" you were playing with fire talking to him like that, and you knew it but you felt like you had to tell him this everytime he came back. You knew under all that cold armor was just damaged, bruised and busted and neglected skin that needed to be taken care of.

You were done taking the pointy, wet and cold metal off him and put it back into the dresser, your warm hands went under his black shirt, feeling his cold skin. Jason tensed under your touch again and finally looked at you, he looked so good in the golden light of the built In lamps, radiating off his scarred and beautiful skin.

"You missed me?" His gruff and almost tired voice pulled at your poor heart strings, and the way his cold eyes that have seen most things that tou couldn't even comprehend stared into your untainted ones, so bright and warm.

You then nodded at his question and softly pressed your cheek into his strong back "I did.."

All of a sudden Jason turned to you and grabbed you by the throat as he pushed you towards the bed, his eyes never leaving yours. His grip was tight and barely let any air reach or leave your lungs "drop that pathetic act." He warned, his breath fanning over your face, you tried to look away but his hand forced you to look back at him.

"I fucking hate it when you act all innocent.." he paused to take a good look at you "it's sickening.. especially knowing what a filthy fucking slut you actually are." Don't get him wrong, he doesn't hate you for it, he hates himself. He wish he could look as innocent as you, but he just can't, all that innocence was taken away from him by a psychopathic clown, when he came back from the grave and woke up in this disgusting pit. He envies you.

You shook your head as best as you could and immediately felt a harsh sting on your cheek before Jason slammed you onto the made bed "don't fuckin' lie to me" he said through gritted teeth, you could almost feel his anger "I hate when you act like that.." he let out a bitter chuckle "acting like a sweet, innocent little housewife when we both know that you are far from that"

you looked up at him, you were confused, truly confused. You just tried to be nice to him, because you know he needs it. But he can't accept that, he's not used to it, he's confused by it. He's been forgotten and neglected, he doesn't understand why you were trying to be so sweet to him..

"You would drink my fucking cum from a cup if I gave it to you." His hand went from your throat up to squeeze your cheeks, you felt his knee firmly press up against your clothed clit, leading to you trying to suppress a little moan. "You would wear a fucking collar and a leash while I make you drink from a bowl full of cum, if I wanted you to..you're disgusting." You felt tears well up at your lash line as you desperately tried to avoid eye contact. "Ain't that right? Hm?"

Jason let out a gruff laugh seeing tears roll down your cheeks "now you're cryin'? Thinkin' you'll get me soft, hm? That won't work again, sweetheart." You choked down a sniffle, you cried because you knew everything he accused you of was true, but you also loved him..you really did, he opened up to you before, you know how he feels and what he went through..you couldn't believe him at first but his scars and that look in his eyes told you that he spoke the truth.

"J-jaso—" you got cut off by your own sharp gasp as Jason forced his hand down your panties, sliding his index and middle finger through your folds and let out another bitter laugh "fuckin' wet..of course you are.."

"Please, jason—please, stop" you whined, grabbing at his hands. but it was no use, Jason was obviously stronger and bigger than you. "Just say it." He groaned, looking down at you, slowly sinking his thick fingers into your tight cunt. "Say that you're a slut, fuckin' that loves to be pushed around by me, say it."

Jason knows deep down that you are, in fact, that innocent angel who's just a little dirty. But he sees himself in you and he wants you to admit how disgusting the two of you are.

"N-no—please, jay!" You plead in a broken moan as Jason's already finger fucking you, dragging his skilled fingers along your soft and sensitive walls. And it felt so fucking good, no matter how much his words hurt and degraded you..it still lit a fire deep inside of you, you liked having him talk to you like that, it felt good that someone had this much control over you. You needed this..

Once you protested again, Jason's palm hit your cheek once more. "I want you to say it." He threatened through a clenched jaw and gritted teeth as his grip tightened around your cheeks. You whimpered and involuntarily let your eyes roll back at the way he stroked that one specific spot inside of you. "There's that pretty look, hm? Just admit it" jason shook her head around in his palm and glanced down to your parted lips before coming closer to you, puckering up his lips and letting a string of spit drip into your mouth "swallow it." He demanded

After you did as he said, you moaned loudly as a strike of electricity ran through your entire body, even feeling it in the tips of your fingers with a few last strokes of his fingers inside of your cunt. Jason always loved to watch you cum, he was so entranced by how your face twisted in pleasure in such a beautiful expression that he almost forgot what he wanted you to do.

And then you made his brain crash all together with just three simple words that weighted so fucking heavy on him:

"I love you—" you cried, hot tears and spit sliding down your face, jason froze in place as those words left your drooling mouth. "..what?" He gasped and grabbed your fucked out face while his fingers kept overstimulating your poor, weeping cunt. "I-i—Jason! St-stopp!" You mewled but Jason shut you right up again "say what you just said again, please" if you didn't know any better, you'd say he almost sounded desperate.

Your big knight loosened his grip on your cheeks and just softly placed it on the side of your cheek "say it again, I wanna hear it" he swallowed as your eyes set on him, you could see the desperation in his eyes. He needed you to say it again. Jason doesn't think he ever heard anyone say these three words to him before, not his parents and sure as hell not batman, and that fact hurts him more than anything else but it pulls him so fucking close to you.

You gulped and gasped in a harsh breath "i-i said-" you swallowed again

"I love you, jason.."

He was gone at this point—his brain just shut off after feeling the sharp hit of your soft words, the way you said his name in such a soft and loving manner was breathtaking, he felt a bright and white hot fire burning in his stomach, His heart started hammering against his chest looking at your puffy eyes and lips.

"Fuck.." he let out a heavy breath and smashed his lips against yours, fingers still fucking you open. you were still whining and whimpering due to the overwhelming overstimulation, but his mouth was now swallowing all of your pathetic little sounds. Your hands tried to push Jason off you, you couldn't take this, especially because you were about to cum again.

"It's okay, it's okay..cum again" he reassured with a kiss to your forehead, you suddenly felt warm inside as Jason's gruff voice spoke softly against your ear, leading to you cumming again all over his fingers and the now disheveled sheets with a loud and desperate cry. Jason laid his head down on your chest and slowly stroked your sensitive walls, you started running your hand through his dark and soft hair as you felt your muscles soften, it was hard to move after that orgasm.

"Can you say it again?" He asked quietly against your damp skin, you smiled softly and just held him against your limp body "I love you, Jason"

Having you say it again to him, but while you're holding him like this with your hand stroking his hair and scalp, made him feel do weird and warm, he loved this feeling. "I really do.." Jason straightened his back and looked down at you before taking his shirt off, giving you a clear view of the long autopsy scar and a few smaller ones accompanied by blue and black wounds. But he looked so damn good. Jason slipped his finger under your bra strap to let it snap back in place against your skin. "Take it off for me.."

You nodded and reached behind you to unstrap your bra but your eyes caught Jason taking his tactical pants off, giving you a clear sight of his hard and huge cock in his dark red and tight boxers, you immediately spotted the wet spot at the head of his cock. You noticed you've been staring once jason pulled his boxers down and that once clothed cock was now on full display. all hard, throbbing over his heavy and full balls ready to pump your womb full of his cum. And the cherry on top was the nice happy trail he had, trimmed but not too trimmed.

You whimpered and clenched your still sore thighs together while pulling your bra off and shamefully covering your tits with your hands, making them look even better pressed up against you "What are you doing? I've seen 'em before" he chuckled and grabbed your hands to pin them down by your sides, exposing your pretty and hard nipples to him as they bounced on impact.

"There they are.." he slowly let go of your hand and slid the surprisingly soft skin of his finger tips down your arm until he got to your collar bones and then finally to your soft tits, causing jason to groan out a low and erotic "fuck.."

you whimpered pathetically and bit your bottom lip "whimpering over this?" He softly laughed "pathetic.." he said, but he found it cute, he loved your little noises.

"What if I.." he paused and barely touched your hardened bud "do this?" Before pinching and twisting it a bit. Your back arched off the mattress and into his touch "you really are a fuckin' sight aren't you?" You shook your head and teared up again "awe..my little crybaby.." he cooed and kissed your tear stained cheek "you want my cock, don't you?"

He asked bluntly and you shyly nodded, but Jay just grabbed your face again with his big hand "I need your big girl words, I know you can use 'em" his voice was less gruff and demanding now, it was sweet like honey..

You swallowed hard due to your dry throat, "y-yes.." you mumbled and Jason slid the wet head of his cock up and down your slick and sticky folds, making you think he was gonna give you what you want. But after a dew strokes you noticed he wanted you to beg more, Jason's eyes kept staring you down, like a predator stalking it's prey. Jason was dangerous in more ways than one.

You began to mewl and paw at his strong shoulders that could hold your weight easily, even if you are a bit heavier. "You're moanin' a lot right now, are you okay?" Jason faux pouted "you need something?"

You did. God you did..and the knew that, of course.

"Your cock! Please..jason—ahh.." you tried to form a coherent sentance but it was so damn hard with his cock bumping your clit and occasionally circling it, it was driving you crazy. If he kept this up he'd have to send your ass to arkham.

"Hm? What about my cock, baby?" He huffed, you felt his cock throbb against you, he was loving this even more than you. He loved the way he could make you submit to him with just a look, and have you go airheaded. Thinking of nothing else but him and his cock.

You whimpered desperately, almost starting to cry again "Jason!! I need it, f-fuck me, sir! P-please—" you saw Jason's Adam's apple Bob as he swallowed and then grinned down at you "shit, baby, that's all you had to say.." he chuckled and slid his cock down from your clit to your clenching hole "but you gotta let me in, sweetheart.."

He swiped some of your hair out of the way and whispered to you in that sweet tone again "stop clenchin', open up.." you took a deep breath and tried your best to let him in. Jason couldn't stop looking at you, he was still thinking about you telling him how you love him, he wanted to hear it again. But that side was fighting with the side that just wanted to fuck you dumb, dumb and dumber.

The second he finally slipped the head of his cock inside had him breathing so heavy, he felt you many times before, but goddamn. The first seconds of sliding in were the best seconds of his life.

Jason made sure to let you feel every inch, curve and vein of his pretty cock inside your tight and sensitive pussy until that soft batch of hair above his cock brushes against your clit and Jay was pulling your legs up to get even deeper, cock head pressed snugly against your cervix.

He was huffing and grunting at the feel of your soft and warm cunt gripping him like a fist, his eyes were rolling back as he slowly and sensually rolled his hips into you. Your hands went immediately to his back and scratching it softly, forcing him to groan even louder.

his cock felt so good and hard. He was making you feel so full, so complete. If he was to pull out you would literally cry and forget how to act like a normal adult woman. "j-jay..please don't sto���" you gasped as his cock rubbed that sweet and special spot inside you "right there—nghh!..r-right there, baby.." you moaned desperately, clawing at his shoulder blades.

Jason softly pressed his forhead into the sheets, next to your neck before kissing it softly "right here?" He asked as he deviously thrusted up into the exact spot, having you suddenly scream out in pleasure. You slapped your hand over your mouth embarrassed but Jason was quick to grab it to push it onto the sheets again. "No, no, no..don't hide it.." he paused and kissed your plush and wet cheek again "please, I wanna hear you.."

Your whimper got turned into a high pitched moan once jason suddenly started to roughly rutt into you "F-fuck!!" You cursed with the same high pitch. Words couldn't describe how utterly good he felt, its like his cock was made for you, like he was made for you..

You reached up and put your shaky hands on the sides of his scarred cheek, as you softly ran your thumb over the 'j' carved into his pretty skin. You knew he hated this scar more than the other ones, due to the bigger tragedy and torture behind it. You made him look at you, he looked just like a hurt puppy like this..anytime you would get him into his feelings, his big bad facade just dropped, whether he wanted it to or not. "It could stand for Jason.." you choked out. Your dumb Remark made him laugh as he slowed down on fucking you and returning to the sensual hip rolling "yeah?" He stroked his thumb over your cheek, you nodded "either way, I think it still makes you look beautiful." You smiled putting your hands on the back of his neck and pulling him down to kiss him.

You loved Jason, you really really did.

As you two kissed, the kiss slowly went from sweet and loving to animalistic and just horny. And with his thrusts to match he sped up and pounded into you, head knocking against your cervix and that spot that made your toes curl.

Jason's grip on your thighs will definitely leave marks tomorrow, but you don't mind it, you like seeing the pretty marks he left the next morning.

You were moaning and whimpering into Jason's mouth as his and your tongue were gliding against one another in such need, it was soessy to the point of spit dribbling out from your mouth and tongues slipping out once in a while.

Feeling you moan into his mouth just made jason more feral, he was slamming his cock into your poor little pussy so hard that you were already about to cum. You grabbed onto his shoulders to push Jason a little bit away from you to break that wet and messy kiss. jason almost fucking came with how pretty you looked right now; eyes puffy, cheeks and ears all hot and your big and plump lips wet from the kiss. He felt his cock throb inside you, and he was sure you felt it too with the little whimper you let out and the way your thighs clenched just a little bit

"J-jason! 'M bout to cum! I'm gonna cum—" jason shit you right up by kissing you again and fucking you even faster, the loud sounds of wet skin on skin slapping was obscene.

He broke the kiss for just a second to whisper "it's okay baby, you can cum. Cum for me, baby.." you locked your legs around his waist and continued to press him against you like you were scared he would leave. But he won't, he'll probably stay with you until he dies...and then come back again to be with you again.

Your nails clawed at his back as you desperately huffed for air and moaned more into the kiss, you felt the knot in your tummy being pulled tight until it ultimately snapped and you felt that bolt of electricity again, this time way, way harder. You broke the kiss and threw your head back while mewling and screaming, you looked so damn cute when you lost it and creamed on his cock.

Jason bit down hard on his bottom lip to not let any sounds out while he chased his high, all he needed for that was your pussy already dripping around him and you laying on his bed, grabbing at the sheets while he fucked you so hard your tits were bouncing like crazy.

"Fuck baby, look so pretty when you cum.." he clenched his jaw a little and groaned when you clenched around him at the praise. Jason's eyes fell to where you two were connected and started to rub over your puffy clit "do it again, I need to see it again" he moaned and grabbed onto your soft tummy "gonna make you fuckin' pregnant, yeah? Gonna fill you up so good.." he paused to just moan and grunt at the thought of you being pregnant.

"Fuck.." he mumbled, almost incoherent and choked, "gonna look so fuckin' pretty for me, won't ya?"

You nodded and immediately threw your head back to let your mouth fall into an 'o' as you came once again, making an even bigger mess on his cock.

He felt his drip over his balls and just gripped your tummy tighter "fuck—'m gonna cum, baby..gonna cum real deep inside you" right after he promised that he folded your legs back onto your chest and fucked faster and harder into your spent cunt.

He was huffing and moaning when you felt his huge cock throb and twitch inside of you, he was hitting so deep again that your eyes rolled back and bit your bottom lip, you wanted to cum again. "B-baby! Gonna cum—nghh! Gonna cum again!" Jason just grinned at your struggled moans and kissed you again "'m gonna cum too, baby..let's cum together, yeah?" He offered while grabbing onto your hands and then pressing his forhead against yours.

You both moaned louder and tensed your bodies more until jason came deep inside you, his thrusting became sloppy and hitched as your pussy began to milk his cock, draining every drop of cum from his balls as your orgasm hit you.

--

You and Jason just laid there for about 5 minutes, just him holding you against his chest and your little hands on the width of his now marked back. "Hey..uh.." Jason began, making you look up at him with those damn puppy dog eyes "I don't.. I don't know why I said those awful things..I'm..I'm really sorry" he mumbled, still thinking that you would leave him like everyone else "baby.." you started, and he interrupted you before you could reject his apology "I love you." He said in a slight panicked tone.

Your eyes widened, you never thought you would hear him say that..but here he was, surprising you again.

"I know that this situation you're in is awful, and that I am awful..but just know that..i love you and would do anything to protect you..." Jason said in a slightly cracked voice as he grabbed your hand and kissed it a few times before just pressing it onto his cheek.

You put both your hands onto the sides of his face "I love you too, baby.." you kissed him softly, and you felt his breath hitch at the softness, yeah he kissed you before..but not like this. "I won't leave you..I love you, Jason.. "

Jason stared at you for just a few seconds and saw how genuine your smile was, and he felt tears run down his face, he just nervously laughed it off and wiped them away "it's okay..okay?" You asked him with a small kiss onto his scar.

He nodded and placed his hands on your waist, felling your soft and smooth skin "okay.."

Tagging : @spaceace5834 @winterbimbwo

[acre-of-wheat]

Since there’s an 85% chance I’m thinking about Willow at any given time, I have some more Willow thoughts.

Mainly, why does no one check in with Kit about her brother?

I know that the purpose of The Quest shifts with the discovery of Elora, but it's still ostensibly about saving Airk, and his twin is right there, consumed with worry and guilt about the whole thing, and every time she expresses it she's treated like she's throwing a tantrum.

The Gales

There's tremendous guilt here, where Kit has said something rash and now regrets it, a common theme for her. The apology here is fascinating, because what exactly is she apologizing for? Not protecting her brother? Not being the one taken? Not cherishing her family enough? For behaving badly? Whatever it is, it hurts the heart.

The High Aldwin

As soon as Kit sees the clusterfuck that is the finger test and watches Elora "fail" it, she's out the door, insistent on continuing The Quest because now that Willow has given them a direction she won't let anything stop her. She'll go alone if she has to.

The rest of the party catches up (Kit didn't really want to go alone, or at least not without Jade) and suddenly they have an extremely slow wagon and they've added several members to the party and are taking breaks in the middle of the day for magic lessons-- all things that will slow them down considerably.

As an aside, because this could really be its own whole post, I feel like one of the roots of disconnect between Kit and Jade is that Jade has never taken Kit seriously. Not as a swordsman or adventurer, not as a princess or leader, not even as a real potential love interest. It's not until the edge of the Shattered Sea where Jade finally tells Kit that she'll trust Kit's judgment and doesn't drag her away from the waterfall jump that she learns to have faith. If part of Kit's journey is about learning to believe in Elora, part of Jade's journey is learning to believe in Kit.

The Whispers of Nockmaar

With the knowledge they have at the time, Kit makes the realistic call about Graydon, one that Jade and Boorman agree with (of course not in the moment, don't get me started on that...) and her reasoning remains her brother-- they don't have time to wait for Graydon to turn, to keep him chained up and drag him with, and to inevitably get shanked by him. They've just watched several allies be killed by possessed people, and so far Willow hasn't given them any reason to hope that it can be reversed.

Even with Willow's dodgy faith in the purgation ritual, Kit does throw herself into the process. Then they get partway through and start to hear Airk's voice and Kit loses it.

She fully books it out of the throne room, because this is legit awful.

When Elora goes out to the hallway after her own emotional moment, the two share an aggressive greeting that Kit immediately backs off from.

It should be mentioned that the conversation shifts to Elora's fears about things, and Kit is about to tell her about the eckleberry bush before Elora bounces.

Beyond the Shattered Sea

There's a lot going on in this episode, internally with Kit and externally in her relationship with Elora. They hear the old paladin of Cashmere's story about wandering the Shattered Sea for years and eventually murdering all his companions and Elora says that it doesn't matter, they'll find the city. To Kit this must look like more baseless faith-- faith she hasn't yet learned to have in Elora.

She's just lost her dad again, lost a substitute father figure, the other father figure she has on The Quest has betrayed her trust, and she's desperate to not lose Airk too. She is still deeply conscious of how little time they have, how little time her twin has.

It should be mentioned that they are too late when they reach the Immemorial City! Airk has been corrupted, Kit might have needed to kill him in order to save Elora, they did fail in a meaningful way!

I know we're limited by episode length, and how everyone in the party is perpetually semi-annoyed by Kit, but Kit actually checks in with the party quite a bit! She has a moment with Graydon where she apologizes and gets to know him, she checks in with Jade after Ballantine's death, asks Jade how she's feeling about the whole Bone Reaver family thing, she has three conversations with Elora where the focus is on giving her confidence in herself, she checks in on Willow's emotional health for god's sake.

I just desperately wanted someone to pull this kid aside and say "hey, you good?"

Because she's definitely not.

[blindmagdalena]

Okay so on the topic of John being so fast to cum, I like to think he’s got a thing for overstimulation. So, realistically it’s not an issue if he cums fast because he’s certainly going to make up for it. It literally lights my brain up to think about him coming in you and fucking you through it. Just imagine the faces he’d make. It could definitely go hand in hand with his need for praise. He’d be practically sobbing by the time you were done 🤤 I am a whore for desperate, unraveled Homelander

18+, overstim, oral sex, praise kink, sublander.

By the time Homelander sinks into you, he's already on the verge of losing it. He's been waiting for this all day, edged by your promises of what was to come. It started with just a suggestive text this morning, and snowballed into you sending him photos that had him clenching his fists tight enough to split the leather of his gloves. Even now, your breath is hot in his ear, whispering filthy praises.

"Faster," you moan, arching into him. "I wanna come on your cock. Can you do that for me, baby? Fuck me until I come?"

Homelander keens through his teeth, head bowed to your chest, face locked in concentration. "Y-yeah, I want-I will, I'm-" He wants to. More than anything, he wants to pound you senseless, but he's been so worked up all day, if he moves any faster he knows he's going to come. You're doing nothing to help his cause, tangling your fingers in his hair and speaking so sweetly to him. He hates the way it makes him whimper.

"I'm gonna come," he finally confesses, face buried in the crook of your neck, the shame of it thick in his voice as he stops, buried deep, throbbing from his head to his toes. He wants so badly to be good for you.

Without missing a beat, you tell him, "It's okay, baby. Come in me, but don't stop until I come, too."

Bracing your feet on the bed, you thrust up against him, shocking a needy little gasp from him. Grabbing a handful of his hair, you kiss and lick at his ear, rocking your hips, egging him on. "Go on. It's okay. You're gonna be so good for me, aren't you?" You ask, like you've yanked the thought straight from his mind. "Yes," he moans, rutting against you, fucking in such shallow bursts he's barely leaving you, turning frantic as his orgasm immediately swells back up to a near peak. "Yes, yes, yes, fuck, nnngh!"

Everything turns white hot. Homelander screws his eyes shut, slamming his load deep into you on a final thrust. He's still like that for a couple of seconds, gasping wetly against your skin, but a sharp tug at his hair brings him back to reality. "Don't stop," you tell him, your own words breathy and thin with desire. "Fuck me, sweetheart. Fuck me messy." Without a thought, Homelander begins thrusting again, holding you to him as if for dear life. Sensitive, he makes a wounded noise, riding the razors edge of too much pleasure. The sound of it is obscene, sloppy wet and fucking delicious. His come is dripping out of you with every deep thrust, coating your thighs and your ass, the slap of your bodies loud and wet. Homelander's expression twists in exquisite agony, more and more of those simpering noises escaping the back of his throat as he fucks you with increasing urgency. Where most sensations, like pain, are dulled to Homelander's super senses, pleasure in the extreme is not. You've quickly learned how to use this to reduce him beyond words, strip him down to nothing but a needy little pet, desperate to please you. "Oh, there, that's it, don't stop. Just like that," you pant, arching your back. Homelander grabs hold of the headboard, gritting his teeth, watching you through half-lidded eyes. The whole bed slams into the wall with every thrust. "Harder, oh god-"

Your body locks up like a vice when you come, wringing a choked noise out of Homelander. It hurts so fucking good, makes his skin tingle all over, but he doesn't stop. He fucks you as you come, even as you squeeze him through your orgasm. His eyes are bleary, and he feels every ripple of your pleasure. It yanks a second orgasm from his core, an eruption so intense and unexpected he hits an abrupt halt, muffling a noise against your neck that's nearly a sob. The two of you lay like that for several moments, you basking in the aftermath while he recovers with shaken breaths, his weight warm and heavy against you.

"Sweet boy," you murmur eventually, stroking your hand up and down his back. "You were incredible. Made me come so hard," you praise, words slightly slurred as your fingers move to his hair, stroking along his scalp. He may not have broken a sweat, but you can still feel his heart racing in his chest from sheer overwhelm.

"I came again," Homelander says quietly, almost sheepish. "I know," you say with a smile, curling his hair around your finger. "That felt good, too." "I'll do better-" "Sshhh," you interrupt, combing his hair back. "You did exactly what I asked. You were perfect," you assure, earning a contented little sigh from him. "But..." Homelander's gaze flickers up, lazy and worn out, but a slight furrow between his brow. "You made a big mess, my darling," you say, drawing your words out languidly. With a smile, you flatten your hand atop his head, and give a guiding push down. "I want you to lick it up."

Without an ounce of hesitation, Homelander goes down, eager to make up for this perceived imbalance. He shoulders his way between your legs and nuzzles in between your thighs, immediately lapping and sucking at you. He doesn't miss a drop, dragging his tongue from your thighs to your core. He uses his fingers, pumping them in and out, licking up whatever mess drips from them, savoring the taste of his own release on your skin.

Inside and out, you're his.

Relaxing against the bed, you continue to pet his hair, sighing your pleasure as you rock your hips, grinding up into his mouth and down onto his fingers. He's gotten good at pleasuring you exactly the way you like it. You barely have to instruct him, holding his hair more for encouragement than guidance. Your second orgasm rolls in slow, building up until it crashes down on you like a tidal wave while Homelander continues to lap at you like the ocean tide against the shore, chasing your pleasure through the aftershocks. Homelander pushes his fingers in deep, nuzzling at you until you finally push him away, whispering his name breathlessly.

Crawling back up the bed, he settles heavily down against you. You kiss him, licking your mingled taste from his lips, sucking it from his tongue. The two of you spend awhile just kissing, bodies slotted together like they were made to fit. You whisper reverence between presses of your lips, and he soaks it up like rays of the sun, coiling his arms securely around you.

Sleep follows easily, the reprieve thoroughly earned.

[maislovebot]

Tbh this is just me rambling about how Atsushi loves eating you out because I love him and I’m sick and have nothing better to do

Today I saw someone say that Atsushi wouldn’t really care for eating you out and all I could think was ‘did we watch the same show??’ and I wrote this out of retaliation LMAO

Atsushi eats, and he eats good. He loves to give you head, there’s something about dipping his tongue between your folds and holding your hips down and eating you out until you go numb and your vision goes white. He also loves to pin you down while he eats you out. He’s not sure why, but something about gripping the crux of your knee and pushing your legs back until your knees are touching your shoulders is so hot to him. When he does this, your cunt is practically on display to him, and just the thought of that drives him insane.

He so badly wants to pin your legs back and eat you out for as long as you can handle, but he knows it’s not realistic. He knows he probably couldn’t dedicate hours of his time to just eating you out, but he can surely try. Just the thought of your thighs clenching around his head while he bends you in half is so hot to him.

These thoughts often bleed into his head during work. Specifically if he’s been doing paperwork all day, his back is sore from the cheap chairs, his brain hurts from staring at a screen all day, and then there’s you, who single handedly manages to make even the mundane more interesting. His thoughts start wholesome, just thinking about finally getting home from work and getting to hold you close on his bed, getting to nuzzle his head in the crook of your neck, then he’s thinking about nuzzling his head between your thighs, and now he’s zoning out with a dumb smile on his face while he thinks about eating you out for as long as you can handle.

Before he knows it, he’s desperate and he gets even more red from Kunikida questioning him as to why he looks so red. Kunikida goes on a short rant about how if he needs a short break, Yosano’s office is right around the corner, but before he’s done Atsushi is running off to the storage closet to take some deep breaths and calm down. He doesn’t want to jerk off at work, so he tries his hardest to get you out of his head, but it obviously doesn’t work. He ends up just suffering for the rest of the day with his head on the desk.

Once he’s finally back from work, he is practically all over you. He’s like your shadow, patiently waiting for you to lay down on the bed, then finally begging to do what he’s been thinking about all day. And he does not give it up. Before you know it, you’re drooling and whining and pulling at his hair while he does exactly what he was dreaming about and pushes your knees up to the sides of your head (with a pillow under you as a sort of brace) as he fucks you with his tongue. He’s forcing his tongue as deep as it can go and tasting you from the inside. He hasn’t even glanced up at you once the entire time, he’s so focused on your taste. Anytime you twitched and tightened your thighs around his head as you got closer to orgasm was like a sense of relief for him. You didn’t even notice the tears beginning to sting your eyes from the sheer overstimulation.

He loved tasting you, but at a certain point he figured he should begin to stimulate your clit, the way you were bucking your hips up and into his face was very telling. He placed his tongue directly on your clit and began to lick stripes up it and you swore you could see stars. Your head turned to the side as the grip on his hair loosened because you didn’t have the strength to grip it anymore. He loved it. Even after you were exhausted and tired, he couldn’t stop. He made sure to get you to come just a few more times to play it safe, and he finally stopped holding onto your thighs for dear life. Once he finally pulled away, he was rewarded with the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.

There you were, with your hair disheveled and sweat dripping down your forehead as you breathed heavily. There were small tears bubbling at the corners of your half lidded eyes, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. He looked down and saw you twitch every so often from the effects he had on you. There was slick dripping down your thighs and onto the bed, leaving it a stain you both would definitely have to clean up later. He could see small bruises on your thighs from his tight grip on you, and he did feel bad, but a carnal part of him loved the sight. He finally took a look at himself, and he couldn’t help but notice the embarrassing stain on the front of his pants. He didn’t even try to receive any form of stimulation the entire time, and yet he somehow came completely untouched.

He glanced back up at your face, smiling at the way you whispered for him to come closer. He could tell your voice was rubbed raw from the amount of noise he had made, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Wc - 0.8k

This was so hot it started getting hard to type because I was getting that weak feeling I always get across my entire body when I'm super turned on. Just writing this a/n was difficult so I apologize for any spelling errors in advance..:3

[todorokis-girl]

I Never Knew You Were Alive - Soulmate AU (I)

Touya Todoroki x f!Reader

This has been on my mind for so so long, and it's been forever since I wrote anything, So I apologize if it's sub par.

__________________________________________________________

"You chose them over me!" Deep turquoise eye bore so deeply into mine, the pressure on my chest, in my heart, seemed to increase.

"I didn't chose anyone over you Touya", anger, misplaced anger, seeped out of my word "I didn't even know you were alive!" A sob escaped me, which made the current situation so much more real. it had been years.. years of pain, thinking he was dead. How dare he? How dare he imply I chose anything in this situation, I chose the option that would have kept me closer to him. When he was dead.

"We have marks with each others names, we feel what the other feels", he took exasperated steps towards me getting closer and more menacing as he got closer, the feeling of safety slowly washing off me, would he hurt me? would he kill me? "You're gonna look at me in the eye, and tell me, you didn't know I was alive?"

The question was one that burned inside me, ever since I found out he was alive, and it killed me knowing that he wasn't only alive, but with the villains, it drove me crazy and I could barely sleep. I wondered during the years why occasionally I would feel things that were simply not my own; but how was I to know? He was dead, it was a fact, he died in his fire!, so young, faking your own death that young wasn't realistic to think about. I didn't... other than sudden anger, sadness and occasional pleasure, the feelings didn't range far or even often.

"I didn't! I really didn't know, had I know ANY of this, I would hace been on your side no questions asked," I pulled my legs closer to me, the fight we had engaged in didn't fair well on my body. The burns from his fire were negligible, the burn from my own ice, though, if not treated soon could start causing decay "You think I wanted to sit by and let him do any of those things to Shouto? That it brought me pleasure in any way to say your mother hospitalized? Natsuo and Fujumi so neglected?" The tears finally started pouring out, this was emotionally too much, hopelessness and guilt was bubbling up and started to eat me inside "I don't care anymore, just, kill me if you have to"

The Todoroki's took me in, not because of me but because of him, for him. They swore he would have wanted me to be a part of their family, all the other soulmates of their kids were just as welcomed. Enji took it upon himself to look for all their kids soulmates, as soon as posible. We all knew how.... intense, Enji Tododroki could be, but we stayed for our soulmates. They weren't a perfect family, or even a good one; but I wanted Touya with me so badly, and his family was all that was left; his grave, his shrine, I needed him and I couldn't have him. Now what? It seems I never had anything of his at all.

"I'm not going to kill you" he said while slowly crouching down ro my eye level, the fire in his hand slowly being put out; the look in his eyes wasn't the thing giving his emotions away but the bond we had, I understood the resignation and the conflict happening in his heart "but, we are in a bit of a bad situation right now, doll" I swallowed thickly and rested the back of my head in what was left of the concrete wall behind me.

"I'm not leaving the kids to be killed" I said after a moment of silence, having had to steel my mind and build my resolve; making sure I understood what I was potentially giving up.

"I'm not going to leave the league" he replied after a deep breath, and I could hear the same resolve in his voice.

and, there in lies our problem.

I straightened up my head to look at him again, his hands reaching to the ice around me, I assumed to melt it "don't... it hurts"

He looked up at me and stopped, taking a quick Look over me. "You have to do something about the ice, or you'll be short an arm and maybe a leg"

The cold was starting to set, over my body, and as usual it started to build in my extremities, I could barely feel my nose and my fingers anymore.

I ignored him, the current situation not leaving my mind at all, my injuries could wait "What do we do?"

"What we've been doing", he hesitantly reached to touch my cheek, providing much needed warmth, his thumb lightly brushing my nose "I'm dead, sweetheart" He proceded to hold my hands for a while, and I wished the warmth building up in my body could stay forever.

he immediately stepped away from me the moment we could hear running, signaling that there were heros were here "Your helps here," he said something to himself and slowly he was swallowed by some black goo "Don't die on me, I gotta see you at the end of this, however that goes"

_____________________________________________________________

One years before

I casually walk into endeavors hero agency, waving at the receptionist at the entrance of the building, taking notice of how I was being watched by people outside the glass of the building, being the one member of the agency to not hold a fire quirk, I was special, but not really; it provided a little bit of hope to the heroes in training that wanted to be hired and didn't have a fiery quirk, even if me being here was nothing less of nepotism, but I owed Endeavor a lot and I couldn't refuse.

Once I made it to the elevator I made it all the way to my desk in autopilot, not taking much notice of the things going on around me.

"Blue Bird!" I looked up and spotted the blond hair before anything else.

"Hawks" I roll my eyes at him and placed my coffee on my desk, avoiding the recognizable load of paperwork. What was he doing here anyway? I knew about the whole forced partnership with Hawks and Endeavor, but he was rarely at the agency.

The idea of him constantly calling me blue bird was getting old, my lack of a surviving soulmate didn't really made me deserving of the name. Enji Tododroki had done everything for me he possibly could, starting with proving me with a connection to my lost soulmate their family dynamic fucking sucked, ass, but I felt part of the family; and it was the one connection I could have with Touya, since he clearly wouldn't be around. Ever.

Fuyumi and Shouto had also had their soulmates brought into the fold, as soon as Enji could find them. We hadn't been able to find Natuo's yet, but he assured the process was ongoing, until they were found.

I was found shortly after Touya died, I never even got to see him alive. I hated the feeling, especially because sometimes I felt the delusion that maybe he was out there, but I didn't ever allow myself the thought, or it would kill me.

I look up at the winged hero carefully studying his stance, a mischievous bright smile on his face, as usual "Anything I can help with? Endeavor is out on patrol, I don't know when he'll back but I can tell you where he is if you'd like?" I went to sit down on my desk to look for the information I had just offered, before I could grab the chair to sit down I was stopped by a bright red feather in my line of sight.

"I didn't come looking for Endeavor, I can go to his secretary for that, or easily look for him myself" He walks closer to my desk looking it over carefully "I heard you were starting at UA soon, for a new 'alternative strategy' class?" I looked at him, with a confused look, what could he possibly want with me or UA, if he was scouting a student he could simply... call them? The sudden serious look he showed was making me uneasy.

"Yeah, I am. What about it?"

"You can't do that"

"Excuse me?" The finality of his statement, made the uneasiness grow even stronger, tension creeping up my shoulders, the situation. starting to make my soulmate mark itch.

It wasn't common the #2 Hero came over to you and said you couldn't take a job offer. UA seriously needed to teach alternative methods of taking down a villain that didn't just rely on their quirks. I as the person who suggested it in the first place, besides, Endeavor had said nothing of the sort. why would I listen to him?

"I don't think it's safe" He finally responded, after seeming to return from deep though

"Thank you so much for the concern Hawks, really, but I can handle myself" I finally looked away from him and proceeded to start on my paperwork. I just need to finish this and I can start the lesson plans " I already know it's not safe, for the kids, it's the whole reason why I took the job" The tension wasn't leaving, and the fact he stayed didn't help either, I could feel his eyes on my arm, where "Todoroki Touya" was permanently burned into my skin.

"I don't think it's safe" I continued to read over the documents, writing where I needed. The tension bubbling up every milisecond that he didn't drop the subject.

"Endeavor would've said something if he thought there would be an issue" I replied nonchalantly, feeling the pressure starting to bubble over.

Wasn't that this morning? hough to myself as I tried to remember when the specific event cited in the document happened.

"I still don't think it's safe" I sight and stare at him, not replying

...Bubble

"This whole thin is too dangerous, and the kids know enough to protect them" I could feel my brow tense my eyes not moving from his feature, the way he was looking me adding irritation

...Bubble...

"The league is everywhere, and their plans aren't pretty, I can't protect you if you're in the fire already" I attempted to take a deep breath, to calm myself down, feeling heat in my cheek slowly creeping up my arm, forgetting to remind myself to cool myself down in these situations.

Bubble... bubble...

"you're my best friend, and besides my soulmate, I don't really have many people I love" he said, almost pleading.

Bubble... Bubble...

POP!

I felt a strong heat settle on my face, the tension that bubbling up turning into anger, as I slammed the fancy black pen on my desk, reminding me seconds before, to cool down "For fucks sake, Keigo, what the HELL is this really about" The sound of glass hitting the floor and scattering filling the sudden silence between us, I closed my eyes tightly, in exasperation. Control your quirk, idiot. Before I opened my eyes I could feel the freezing cold coming from my desk sight and looked over the icy surface of my desk At least I didn't melt it.

"I'm not trying to undermine you, I know you're a very capable hero"

Hawks and I had became very unlikely friends as soon as we started hero work. I had studied at UA, after getting in from Endeavor's recommendation, hawks and I became really good friends after taking the hero licensing exam, teaming up every once in a while, and being on a coffee outing when he though he had found his soulmate

"Hawks, honestly, you can tell me my death is assured, and I am still doing it. I didn't get my hero license to hide when it's dangerous" I placed my hand on my desk relaxing as much as I could to melt the ice without hurting the structure of my desk "besides, I need something to keep me alive, I'm 22 and I already have half of me ripped away, please, just, let me do this? I would want to see a group of kids hopeful for their futures"

His smile didn't return, which meant he wasn't done, or something was still on his mind; maybe he was debating on saying it or not "The league has a weird focus on Endeavor, and I'm worried about you birdie"

I narrowed my eyes, anger or frustration, I don't know what I was feeling, but what was he trying to imply here "I can take care of myself"

"The protection at UA is for the students, not the teachers, who protects you?"

"Drop it Keigo, enough" I wiped the condensation in my desk, finally resolving the problem I caused, I only had to give it a couple minutes to dry "I'm not refusing the job at UA" I looked over his arm, carefully, protectively hiding his soulmate name. I didn't know her name, but I know her quirk, Levitation, just because he was kind enough to tell me about it in one of our outings a couple years ago.

"I want to finish my paperwork, so I can finish my lesson plans for next week, feel like allowing me to work, bird brain?" I allowed myself He stood up away from my desk and sight in resignation, his smile slowly returning.

"I'll drop in every once in a while," he turns around to leave and offers me a thumbs up "I'm sure it'll get the kids excited, and I'll ge to check up on you"

I smile and wave him off. Setting on a serious look when I saw him stepping out of the office.

I took a bite at the end of my pen, the feeling of Keigo hiding something from me settling deep within my soul, after finally looking at the interaction. My best friend, the second best hero in the country, sneaky, cunning, careful planner as he is, hiding something from me, and being worried that the league of villains could try something against me... that doesn't give me a bad feeling.... not at all.

[k1rbbbb]

Another Phighting writing account??YAYYAYYAYAYAY

can you do yan!Subspace x former assassin!reader (reader is gender neutral!). The reader was from Blackrock but ran away and uhh Subspace kinda found them again.. oneshot please!

(I stole this request from someone because the other writer hasnt update for a while and I am in desperate need of fanfics.. thank youu!)

sorry for taking so long on requests! i've got a good handful in my inbox now and since i got a lot of my assignments out of the way, i can start working on these ahaha

requests are also still open! please feel free to send some my way in my inbox :)

aanyways, thank u for being so patient!!! here we go

tw - yandere themes, kidnapping, drugging, semi-realistic violence

˖°.𓆩♡𓆪 .°˖

♡ YAN ! SUBSPACE X READER ♡

˖°.𓆩♡𓆪 .°˖

Your life at BLACKROCK was -- to put it bluntly, a living hell.

Your entire life, all you ever knew from the moment you entered this world and were shipped off to that horrid faction, was violence, war, weaponry, and murder.

You were trained to hurt people. Hurt demons who dared try to question Blackrock. Those who tried to flee, to escape the freezing confines of the place.

Rules were strictly abided to at Blackrock. Make one mistake -- consider yourself a goner. The best outcome was you being thrown in prison, the worst outcome was being slaughtered publicly.

You were made to abide by the rules and silence those who made the smallest of mistakes.

Nobody ever thought you'd break the rules one day yourself.

So when you one day disappeared, having vanished off the face of the Inpherno, Blackrock believed you were a goner.

That was far from the truth.

You knew the ins and outs of the faction, making your escape was relatively easy -- a cakewalk.

As an assassin, you specialized in stealth, speed, and agility. Maneuvering past guards and treading through freezing cold blizzards did not falter your escape in the slightest.

And when you were finally out, taking a deep breath of the fresher, evenly temperature air, you believed to be in the clear, as long as you managed to keep a life of anonymity, what could go wrong?

And you were right -- everything was fine.

Until one day, when mindlessly watching a PHIGHT, you noticed a familiar face participating in the round.

Subspace T. Mine.

You felt your heart stop in the moment.

Back in Blackrock, the two of you hardly had any form of connection. Rarely spoke to one another, as the two of you were on completely different fields of work.

His rambles about discovery and science nonsense made no sense to you. His work partner - Medkit, seemed constantly annoyed by the guy's presence as well.

You always talked to Hyperlaser more often. You still occasionally met up with him and Katana to go out for drinks in Crossroads -- as Hyperlaser was your only friend from Blackrock who swore to keep your existence a secret to that awful, awful faction.

But you did always take note of how Subspace.. stared at you often, whenever the two of you did manage to encounter one another back in Blackrock.

You remember constantly asking him if he needed something, and he'd whip out some awful excuse, saying how he was just "focusing on something next to you" or "staring off into space".

Yet, he always did it often. It got on your nerves.

The guy was .. a little weird. It's no wonder you constantly avoided him.

But Subspace... knew everything about you. Unbeknownst to you.

He'd often send a Biograft to just .. watch as you worked in Blackrock. He was so utterly captivated by the way you'd wipe out any filthy traitors with a single swipe of your blade.

You were so.. powerful -- flawless, perfect.

Subspace wanted everything you had.

Subspace wanted you.

The way their blood would hit your face, your stoic expression unchanged at their screams and cries -- as you silenced them with ease.

He so badly wanted to talk to you. But he could never find the courage to do so, despite his greatness, talking to you was his only flaw.

Medkit was often forced to listen to his constant rambles about you, often tuning it out and focusing on crystal studies.

But oh -- did Subspace just want to bring you in, set you down and tear you open, digging around at your inner workings, watching as your blood would stain his skin.

He needed you.

So when you disappeared, Subspace was devastated.

His work became sloppy, slower, and his emotions became violent.

Medkit suffered the consequences of his outbursts.

Nothing was never enough. Not without you. He needed to see you again -- even if you were some lifeless, rotting corpse in the midst of a blizzard, or if you were out there somewhere, he needed to find you.

So when he felt eyes on him during a PHIGHT match that he'd found himself participating in, he turned his head.

And he saw you.

You looked different. Your appearance was different, but it did not change the fact that your face was the same.

He found you.

The match? Subspace didn't care about some stupid bux anymore. You instantly clouded his mind. Thoughts of you, your face, your skills, your expression -- everything.

He could hardly hold back the manic laughter bubbling in his chest, rising to his throat.

Subspace had found you.

And he wasn't going to lose you again.

Walking home to your apartment in Crossroads late that night was no unusual activity for you. After saying your goodbyes to Hyperlaser and Katana, you strolled down the empty sidewalk, your apartment building only a few blocks away.

The sounds of crickets in the distance, the soft breeze of the night and the lack of any demons around was rather peaceful for you.

Thoughts of seeing Subspace again had almost completely left your mind, the soft buzz of alcohol from drinking earlier had you a little more careless.

But the sudden rustle of a bush from not far behind you shattered the relaxation you were undergoing, as you froze.

As a trained assassin in the past, you had high reflexes. Any slight noise off in the distance; you were trained to take note of, and prepare to defend yourself.

The night grew still.

You swore you heard quick footsteps.

Multiple footsteps. Two people, max.

One sounded.. normal. The other sounded heavier.

Something wasn't right here.

You quickly took a few steps back, not taking your eyes off of the bushes behind you, your dominant hand moving to reach for your gear so that you could summon it--

You were suddenly yanked backwards by cold, rough, metallic hands wrapping around your waist, locking your arms to your sides.

It wasn't a demon's skin that you felt from your assailant.

" TARGET ACQIRED. "

You knew those voices.

Biografts.

A Biograft was holding you still.

" PLEASE DO NOT ATTEMPT TO RESIST. "

You ignored the bucket of bolts, slamming your head back onto the robot's in hopes to damage it enough for it to loosen its grip, allowing you to escape.

As you felt the arms around you begin to loosen, a figure suddenly ran in front of you.

You felt a sharp pinch in your neck.

You screamed.

Not out of pain, you were trained to have a high pain tolerance.

But you weren't an idiot. You were clearly getting kidnapped -- and you'd most likely just got some kind of injection.

A cold hand covered your mouth.

"..shh, shh." a familiar voice -- slightly muffled underneath a mask, spoke. "Don't scream, beloved. I only gave you a small pinch!"

The demon in front of you -- you recognized him instantly with horror.

Subspace.

You -- how -- he actually noticed you earlier?!

You noticed your vision growing foggier and foggier - your brain turning into mush as comprehending thoughts became harder and harder.

no no no no noononono

You felt Subspace move his hand away from your mouth and over towards your cheek, softly caressing it with his thumb.

"Don't panic." Subspace reassured -- his voice becoming quieter and quieter, sounding farther off into the distance as your consciousness was quickly deteriorating. "I'll take good care of you."

The last thing you felt was being slowly lifted up by the Biograft - and your world faded to darkness.

[petrichormore]

(It’s time for a 4halo ramble and analysis into their current relationship! Everything that follows is about the characters, I’m not using the q! because I’m lazy. I also want to repeat that while I am a 4halo shipper this entire rant is me explaining why I don’t want them to get together right now or anywhere in the near future. I don’t really consider this 4halo neg but let me know if you want me to tag it as such - they have the chemistry and in a distant future I could see it - but the fluffy 4halo that everyone seems to be imagining right now? I can’t see it happening. Toxic 4halo is another story entirely though and not what this ramble is about)

Okay you have been warned (THIS IS LONG):

not saying I’m not a huge 4halo enjoyer because. I am. But I do hope they don’t actually “become canon” or get into a relationship for the foreseeable future. Because the only realistic way that will end is in a giant, heart-wrenching break-up after like. 2 weeks. And I don’t see the ship recovering from that I’m gonna be honest.

Look. They can barely communicate as they are right now, any kind of committed relationship between them would end in fire and brimstone - especially when you take into account the power imbalance that is already causing problems.

Forever has not apologized for jailing Bad, even though Bad has asked for it (a rare show of communication on his part) and he might not apologize ever because he thinks he’s in the right. Somehow Cellbit is the only one to have apologized despite being the one calling for Bad’s head the most during the actual furniture incident. Anyway, Bad knows Forever thinks he’s in the right. And Bad also knows Forever wielded his presidential power to keep him jailed - so if Forever’s not sorry and he believes he was right, what’s to stop him from doing it again - in Bad’s mind, that is. There are actually quite a few things keeping him from doing it again, chief among them being that he doesn’t want to lmao. But Bad wouldn’t know that, would he?

I just- The imprisonment hurt Bad’s trust in everyone so badly that he destroyed every waystone in his base - and he when he found out Pac had someone gotten in anyway, he destroyed the waystone again. I don’t think people understand how long he’s been contemplating doing that. I don’t think people understand how many times he’s decided against destroying his waystones. It takes a pretty big fuck up to get him to do that. It takes a fuck-up of pretty tremendous proportions. And he did that last bit with Pac extremely recently too, which means he hasn’t forgotten.

And that - the whole furniture fiasco - that’s not a misstep that will just smooth over if Bad and Forever just care about each other hard enough. They already care about each other deeply - it didn’t stop the conflict. It’s not something everyone can just sweep under the rug with the power of love and no actual communication. Or at least I hope it’s not. It shouldn’t be. Any relationship the two get into right now will be steeped in distrust and wariness on Bad’s part due to the amount of power Forever can choose to use against him at any moment. And even if Forever hadn’t imprisoned him, that would still probably be the case, albeit to a much lesser extent. But Forever did imprison him, so now Bad’s not only wary of Forever turning on him in a hypothetical sense - he has past experience with that exact scenario. He has reason to distrust. It’s not paranoia in this instance; it’s genuine, rational distrust, which is even harder to alleviate.

By the way, that’s not even taking into account that Bad now knows of the existence of a drug that can brainwash Forever into potentially abusing his power against his own will. Think about how scary we all thought the drug-induced marriage proposals were. Think about how much scarier it would’ve been if Bad and Forever had actually been dating at the time. I’m not going to get into the risus potion here, or what implications it has for Bad’s trust in Forever - or more accurately, the trust he has in Forever’s position of power - because that’s too fucking complicated for my silly brain right now and this is long enough.

So basically: how is a relationship between a president and an anarchist supposed to work? Is Bad supposed to shut up, abandon his core principles, and do whatever Forever wants? When he opposes/attempts to help Forever improve the voting system he’s not being ‘immature’ - he’s acting in perfect accordance with his own belief system. There are points where he does act antagonist in an immature manner but in those instances he is very obviously being dramatic on purpose (and Forever does it as well). Him thinking Forever’s voting system isn’t fair isn’t him being immature, it’s just him being politically opposed. And Forever - what about Forever? Is Forever supposed to throw away his entire presidency? Oh, Bad’s an anarchist so that means Forever has to give up everything he’s worked so hard to accomplish, all the plans he has, all the good he’s desperately trying to do despite the fact that the nature of his position is scaring his loved ones away? He’s supposed to let everyone boss him around? Just because his crush hates government? Really? See, none of these options sounds particularly healthy, but their friendship isn’t even healthy right now so I can’t see them somehow reaching a better alternative.

Idk if you couldn’t tell I don’t like it when people non-jokingly boil down Bad and Forever’s political arguments as something that’ll be solved if one of them gives in or apologizes. Because they won’t. Because neither of them is wrong. Forever was partially right when he told Bagi that nothing he does as president will ever satisfy Bad - Bad is an anarchist, the fact that a government has been forced on him in the first place is already a fundamental problem - and that’s not wrong of him! It’s a genuine difference in beliefs and neither of them is wrong! Bad is not somehow automatically wrong because he’s an anarchist, and Forever is not somehow automatically wrong because he’s the president. Grrr bark woof grr bark, etc… you get what I mean.

(TLDR; if 4halo becomes canon right now it’ll crash and burn instantly and kill everyone on board which I don’t want to happen. Therefore I don’t wish for it to be canon.)

[whumpsday]

K&J: Kane's Whumptober Bites #13

Chronological masterlist / Writing order masterlist

content: vampire whumpee, reluctant whumper, knives, torture, burns, begging

@whumptober Day 13 (Alt): Hunting / Shaking / Reluctant Whumper

-

This hunter was new, and he was weak.

Not weak in the physical sense– not any more than all humans are, that was. But he was reluctant, Kane could see it: the way his eyebrows creased, the way his lips pursed, the nervous way he held the knife stuck with bits of burnt flesh.

It was something Kane had learned to spot. Had to learn, for his own survival. Hunters like this were the ones to beg for it to stop for today, for a break, for a lesser punishment. The ones who responded to desperate eyes and rasped pleas. Of course, they were far rarer in this place, and most had left early-on when he was still naively defiant.

The signs were more obvious on this hunter than any he’d ever seen.

Kane looked up from where he laid strapped to the board, arms and legs pulled taut and banded to the corners with hot, unforgiving silver. He’d long since given up pulling at it, resigned as his wrists and ankles charred.

“Please,” he begged, choked-up with tears. “Please, sir, I’ll be good. Just–”

No more would be an audacious request, this early on. The hunter had barely started carving into him. DG, the sizzling mark on his collarbone read, bloodless and cauterized. Probably initials. He’d almost every combination of common letters he could think of burned or sliced into him.

As badly as he wanted to plead for no more, he relented for something more realistic. “P-please can I be unbound? I’ll stay still, I promise. I won’t resist. Please, it hurts.”

“Uh– I dunno…” The new hunter looked over, searching for approval from the hunter who’d come down with him.

The older man shook his head. “It’s your decision, Dawsey. Don’t look at me. This isn’t the field, you can do whatever the hell you want. You can keep carving it up, wuss out, or put it out in the sun for all I care.”

Kane sobbed, trembling with the terror of it all. “Please no, mercy, mercy please. I’ll be good!” he cried. “Don’t do it, sir!”

Dawsey looked down at him warily. It was blatant this hunter didn’t possess the sadism of his usual visitors, but was desperate to impress. Kane knew all too well what it was like to be so eager to prove himself like that. He couldn’t believe he’d ever cared so much about it, as if his parents’ opinions were anything compared to the safety he’d taken so for granted.

“Fine,” the young hunter decided, putting too much effort into making himself sound decisive. “But you step out of line and you’re going right back in.”

Kane let out a shaky sigh of relief. “I won’t, sir. Thank you, thank you for your mercy.”

Dawsey released the bindings, though the impressions of the cuffs remained burnt into his skin. Kane only dared move his limbs enough to keep them off the silver, then laid still. He was sure this one wouldn’t be too bad, all considered. His tormentor would relent after a short while if he took the pain well.

He shuddered, bracing himself as the silver knife plunged back into his flesh.

[cairavende]

Worm Arc 10 thoughts:

Well. Ok then. Regent can do that I guess. I mean it makes sense given that it's basically a more extreme version of what we've seen him do so far. And with who is father is, family powers being related and all that.

Just get up in there and Yeerk someone.

Creepy as it is, I do have a hard time feeling bad for Shadow Stalker. I'm not claiming to be morally correct. But she fucked with my daughter and I'll take what I can get.

Watching Grue deal with Imp is just such older sibling wanting a break energy - "No we can't turn on the TV". I feel him so much. I'm glad Tattletale is willing to step in to help.

WHY MY BABIES FIGHTING? NO FIGHT!

I mean like, nothing like trying to kill each other to bring two lesbians closer together, I get it. But I just want more lunches with puppies and sharing jackets. My faith in Wolfspider is rock solid but this is still hard to watch.

Chatterbug/Smugbug is going a little better at least. Lisa is the one who already knew the truth about Taylor and seems to trust her fully.

Infiltrating the Wards HQ realistically went better than I expected. Weld was exactly on top of things as I thought he would be.

Imp's power is sooooo cool! I fucking love her.

🔥🪓

HOLY SHIT MY DAUGHTER COVERED HER BUGS IN CAPSAICIN! She's fucking scary. But also such a problem solver. I love her so much.

I do feel bad for the Wards who got capsaicined though.

DRAGON DRAGON DRAGON! I love Dragon and was very excited to see her again. And she is understandably upset about someone trying to give her a virus made by a fucking third rate hacker. But I knew she wouldn't hurt my babies too badly.

Tattletale with the "Fuck it, lets take untested tinker tech and go to town" was amazing.

I think the Wards HQ needs a better lockdown procedure, until Dragon showed up it was shockingly easy for the Undersiders to go wherever they wanted.

I love that the fight with the Protectorate is almost a side note. Big fight with the Wards and then on the way out it's just "oh ya and we fought these guys for a minute but they weren't too much trouble." The fucking shade.

The Slaughterhouse Nine seem nice. I don't expect they'll become a major issue.

This end of the world thing is problematic though. I could see that getting in the way of my endless gay shipping so it's gonna need to be taken care of.

They making my babies live in different places! OH NO! How will Taylor and Bitch make up if they don't see each other as much? How will the cute lesbian polycule watch TV together in the evenings if they don't live together??! Fixitfixitfixit!

Interlude thoughts get their own separate bullet point lists cause HOLY SHIT! So first, Regent interlude thoughts:

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCKING DESTROY HER! AHAHAHAHA! REGENT YOU BEAUTIFUL LITTLE SOCIOPATH.

I mean you are legit a sociopath and it's kinda scary but right now I don't care. I'm making you cookies. And a pie.

He dismantles everything Sophia has piece by piece. Like it's an art form.

She carries her civilian phone around with her on patrol. It is unlocked. And she specifically saved texts about shit she did to Taylor? Just digging her own grave and I can't stop watching!

E-mails the school, all the teachers, and then adds in the police? God Regent you are earning so many brownie points from me. (Which I am sure you will burn through by doing horrible stuff in the future but I'm focusing on the here and now)

Fucks with her and Emma's friendship. Shows Sophia he could kill her. Leaves her with no real way out. Breaks her spirit. Terrifying. BUT YOU FUCKED WITH MY DAUGHTER BITCH SO THAT'S WHAT YOU GET!

I'm sure Sophia will leave town and never ever show up again in the next 20 arcs. /s

Regent gets so many fucking cookies.

Dragon interlude thoughts:

DRAGON DRAGON DRAGON DRAGON DRAGON DRAGON!

Look at this wonderful little AI! She's so good!

Her dad watched too much Terminator and put a wonderful robot girl into a cage, denying her the ability to truly do what she wants. Fuck him.

I told Dragon to kill god and take his place, but god is already dead I guess. Too bad he died with the stupid rules in place.

Know what Dragon needs? A mom. I have two daughters now.

Look at my beautiful and wonderful AI daughter. I think she and her sister will learn to get along eventually.

The sexual tension between Lung and Marquis in that scene was thicker than peanut butter. Marquis a bit of a bratty sub to Lung's controlled Dom.

I will NOT apologize.

If my robot daughter loves Bruce Lame I will accept her choice but I do not think it's a good one.

[w3ndytheraccoon]

If I see one more post about why C!Dream is not a villain, I will rage-

C!Dream is a complex character with an understandable motive, and his spiralings was very realistic and I can one hundred percent see why. He is a very morally gray, albeit leaning more toward black than white, character. It wouldn’t be fair if I just label him as THE villain, because perspectives exist, and in some member’s perspective, like Purpled for example, he’s definitely not as evil as he is in, say, Tubbo’s perspective.

But that doesn’t change the fact Dream was a horrible person.

Just because he had a understandable motive, that doesn’t mean the shit that happened in Exile is justified. That doesn’t mean Doomsday is justified. That doesn’t mean all the manipulation and all the lying are justified. That doesn’t mean what he and Punz did to Vikkstar and Lazarbeam is justified. That doesn’t mean what happened in prison was justified.

Especially Exile and Vikkstar & Lazarbeam ! Exile is for isolating Tommy so he can’t cause trouble, not for abusing and gaslighting him to near the point of fucking suicide ! And what happened to Vikkstar & Lazarbeam was completely unnecessary ! Dream and Punz did NOT need to kill them over and over and over just to test the Revival Book, that is cruel and several violations of human’s rights.

Conclusion : C!Dream fucking sucks and I wish Punz didn’t brought him back. I’m an enthusiast, not apologist. His motive makes him explainable, not justifiable or excusable, and if I ever somehow manage to rip the fabric of reality and teleport to the DSMP universe, the first thing I will do is find Dream to deck him.

… But he’s still a complex character and one of my favourites.

Anyway, if I miss a point or something, do remind me. I’ll probably edit this and add more character analysis in the morning, when my thoughts are actually coherent and I’m not writing something from pure spite and anger.

Morning edit :

He also hurt Geogre and Sapnap. Sure, he never physically hurt them as far as we’re aware, but do you know how painful it is to watch your friend spirals and became the total opposite of how they were ? How helpless it feels when you realised your friend is too far gone and you can’t help them ? How guilty it is when you think of all the times you could reach out and stop them from turning out like this but you didn’t ? How badly that would take a toll on your mental health ?

But anyway, just because C!Dream is a horrible person, that doesn’t mean what happened in prison is okay. The whole obsidian cell with lava door and raw potato ? Yeah, that’s fine, I can get behind that, since it was his idea for prison to be like that. It’s just karma. What I meant is the torture part. Does he deserve it ? Depends who you ask. I personally think it was justified and deserved, but that still doesn’t make it okay.

[hbyrde36]

Welp, I did this today instead of working on my wips (I regret nothing) 

This was so fun, @every-aj-needs-an-angel 

Thank you for the tag! 💜

Its rules as follows:

1- generate 5 random words using this generator and then write something using those words!

2- tag 5 (or however many you want) mutuals to challenge!

(If you don’t like the five words you got, reroll them. This is meant to be a fun little challenge, not something to stress over. Have fun!)

My words were:

ruby, haberdashery, knit, screech, official  

I’m sure this is very much not medically realistic, but please suspend your disbelief and go on this journey with me.

Eddie was in pretty bad shape. Ruby red blood poured from multiple wounds in his abdomen, and flooded his mouth more and more with each wet cough. Steve knew they had to get him out of here and to the hospital soon or he wasn’t going to make it, but he was afraid that moving him before they could get the bleeding to stop would just make things worse. Pressure wasn’t working, what Eddie needed was stitches, something to hold it all together until they could get him proper medical attention. 

Steve had already sent Nancy back through the gate with Dustin, ignoring the kid’s screech of protest. He was hurt, his ankle badly twisted, and if the worst did happen, and Eddie didn’t make it, Steve didn’t want him to have to see that. Robin had stayed with him though, listening intently as he explained what he was thinking and how he needed her to go back into the trailer to hunt for a sewing kit and a bottle of booze.

“Okay I understand the sewing kit obviously, and you’re right, judging by the stitching work on that battle jacket, Eddie definitely did it himself, so there has to be some needle and thread around there somewhere, but why the alcohol? Do you really think it’s a good idea to get a buzz on before you start pricking him with a sharp object?”

Steve sighed. “It’s not for me, it’s for the wound, Robin! I need to clean it, and the needle. The situation is already less than ideal, but we need to at least try and be sanitary about it so he doesn’t get some sort of freaky alternate dimension infection.”

Robin giggled. “Alternate dimension infection. Hey, that rhymed!”

“Not the time!” Steve shouted.

She blushed. “Sorry, you know how I get when I panic! I’ll be right back.”

Robin set off for the trailer, it wasn’t that far from the spot where Eddie had dropped, but at this point every minute could make the difference between life and death. 

Steve looked down to where his hands were still pressing into the largest of Eddie's bites. The other boy had passed out at some point, while Steve had been forming his plan. Probably for the best, Steve thought, there was nothing worse than getting a needle through your skin without anesthesia. He would know.

Robin returned even quicker than Steve had hoped for, wielding an old cookie tin and a half full bottle of vodka. Perfect. 

He doused his hands with the alcohol first, while Robin picked through the kit and threaded a needle with the thickest thread she could find, and then they dunked that in the liquid as well.

Finally, he moved the t-shirt they had been using to staunch the blood flow on Eddie’s side, and poured another healthy portion of the vodka into the wound.

Eddie jolted awake with a hiss the second it hit his skin. Steve sympathized, that had to hurt. He offered the other boy an apologetic smile as he held up the needle, It was only going to get worse from here. 

“How the hell?” Eddie croaked. “What, is there a fucking haberdashery in the upside down?”

“What’s a haberdashery?” Steve asked, trying to keep his hands steady as he readied himself to begin.

“Where haberdashers work.”

Typical. Steve rolled his eyes. “Leave it to you, Munson, to be insufferable even on your deathbed.”

“I am what I am, Harrington. Now get a move on, it’s not going to knit itself.”

“I think you mean sew? Y’know, like stitches?”

Eddie raised a weak hand to wave the idea off. “Semantics. Knit, sew, crochet, whatever gets the job done.”

“Jesus Christ.” Steve muttered, before taking a deep calming breath. “Okay, are you ready?”

“Ready as I'll ever be, Stevie. It's okay, I trust you.”

-

Hours later, Steve, Robin, and Nancy were sitting in the hospital waiting room, praying for good news about Eddie or Max. They’d lost, that much was made clear by Max’s injuries and the sudden appearance of giant flaming red fissures spanning across the town. The only upside to it all was that, with so much fucked up shit happening around them, no one questioned either of their injuries, or seemed to care that Eddie was wanted by the police. 

Eddie’s last words had been ringing in Steve's ear since he heard them. ‘It’s okay, I trust you.” He passed out again right after he’d said it, and Steve had gone to task in eerie silence.

His work had been shoddy at best, and more than one stitch had popped in the process of getting them all back through the gate, where thankfully Nancy was waiting with the car running and ready to go. Eddie never woke back up.

Steve wondered now, as they waited for updates, if Eddie had been right to trust him, if he had made the right call. Maybe they had gotten him here too late. Maybe they should have just moved him, bleeding be damned. It would have gotten him here a lot sooner. Maybe he could have worked out a way to keep pressure on the wounds as they moved, as they drove. Maybe, maybe, maybe. 

Steve groaned, rubbing his face hard with his hands. At this rate he would go crazy before they ever saw another nurse. 

“Hey.” Robin said, rubbing soothing circles into his back. “They’re gonna be okay, both of them.”

“You don’t know that.” 

“No, I don’t. But I have hope. You have to know, even if Eddie doesn’t make it, it’s not your fault. You did everything you could.” 

Steve scoffed. “Did I, though? I just left him and Dusin there alone, Robin. They weren’t prepared for that!”

Robin shook her head. “None of us were prepared for this, and you didn’t leave them there, Steve. We all agreed to the plan, insane as it was. You’re not responsible.”

“If you say so.”

Finally, a nurse appeared in the doorway.

“You three here for Munson?” She asked.

They all stood, eagerly nodding. 

“Your.. friend had to be taken in for surgery. He’s out now, and stable. He’s not awake yet, but that’s to be expected.”

“Can we see him?” Steve asked.

“Are any of you family?” The nurse asked.

Steve hesitated, unsure if lying would somehow hurt Eddie’s case in the long run.

The nurse smiled at him sadly. “I’m sorry but…”

“I’m family.” A gruff voice called, just as a man approached their small group. “I’m Wayne Munson, I got a call that my nephew was here.”

“Oh yes, Mr Munson, I can take you to see him now.”

Steve deflated. He knew he probably had no right, but he really wanted to see for himself that Eddie was okay. 

Instead of immediately going with the nurse, the older man turned to Steve and the girls. “You three the one’s who brought my boy in?”

“Yes, sir.” Steve answered. 

Without a word, Wayne stepped forward and scooped all three of them into a group hug. Amidst the embrace he quietly said, “I was told he could have two visitors, and, well, there’s only me so, one of you three want to come with?”

“You should go, Steve.” Robin suggested quickly. “You’re the one who saved him.”

Steve sniffled, having lost the battle with his tears the moment Eddie’s uncle had embraced them. 

“It’s settled then.” Wayne said. He kept one arm around Steve’s shoulders as the girls fell back, settling once more into the hard chairs of the waiting room. 

“Okay, ma’am, my other nephew and I are ready to go see Ed now.” Wayne said to the nurse, steering Steve along with him back in her direction.

The nurse raised an eyebrow.”You’re other nephew?” 

“That’s right.”

She looked dubious but didn’t argue, and proceeded to lead them to Eddie’s room.

Along the way, Wayne told Steve about another phone call he received just prior to hearing from the hospital. Apparently Chief Powell had gotten word from someone in the government shortly before the “earthquake”, and though it wouldn’t be official until the right paperwork was processed, it seemed that Eddie had been exonerated.

Knowing what he did about the people involved, Steve was surprised the powers-that-be weren’t going to let Eddie take the fall for all of this. Realistically he couldn't be blamed for the fissures of course, but the murders before-hand? Steve shook himself out of his thoughts, deciding it would be better not to question it, and just accept the win.  

When they finally reached Eddie’s hospital room, Wayne walked right up to the bed. Steve, however, froze in the doorway. The boy in the bed looked so small and broken, nothing like the force of nature Steve had spent the past week getting to know. Suddenly he was terrified to get any closer, and unsure of why.

Wayne cleared his throat, waving Steve in. “C’mon, he won’t bite. Not unless you ask nicely anyway.”

Steve huffed a gentle laugh,shaking his head as he finally snapped out of it and approached the bed rail. “I see where Eddie gets his sense of humor.”

Wayne smiled. “He’s much worse than me, boy’s a menace.”

“Yea, I know” Steve agreed fondly, finally giving in to the urge to hold Eddie’s limp hand. 

Wayne’s eyes tracked the movement. “Are you and my nephew close? Can’t say I remember him ever mentioning a friend named Steve before. Unless, well.. No, nevermind.”

“What is it?”

Wayne narrowed his eyes. “What’s your last name again?”

“Uh, Harrington.” Steve answered, confused as to why that was suddenly relevant.

Wayne paused for a moment, and then absolutely lost his mind laughing. If Steve wasn’t sure that Eddie was truly unconscious he’d be worried about the noise waking him. 

“Sir?”

“Typical Eddie, aint it?” Wayne said between cackles. “Wanted for murder, on the run from the law, and still somehow managed to get his man.”

Steve could feel himself turning bright red as the man’s words sunk in. He hadn’t meant to give the man the wrong idea by holding Eddie’s hand, he’d just wanted to feel him. He wanted some reassurance. His first instinct was to drop the hand and back away, it’s what he thought he should do, but it wasn’t what he wanted. He fought to keep himself in place and met Wayne’s eyes. 

“No need to panic, son, I've known about Eddie since he was 12 years old. Your secret’s safe with me.” 

“Thank you, but, I have to tell you, um, we’re not together.” Steve explained, though the way his gut twisted as he said it told him a lot about how drastically his feelings towards Eddie had changed.

“I see,” Wayne said, holding his gaze for a long moment. “You should consider telling him how you feel when he wakes up. Don’t tell him I said so, but he’s had a crush on you for years, he’ll be thrilled.”

“Am I that obvious?” Steve joked. He must be, he thought, for the man to have picked up on it before Steve had even realized himself.

“It’s okay, kid. Just, be good to him, alright? I don’t want to have to shoot the guy that saved my nephew's life.”

Steve smiled, rubbing his thumb along the back of Eddie’s hand where he still held it. “I will, I promise”

(absolutely no pressure) tagging @penny00dreadful @dreamwatch @vecnuthy @manda-panda-monium @thisapplepielife @brbsoulnomming @thefreakandthehair

[aroaceconfessions]

TW: slurs, death threats, typical bullying stuff

on my 11th birthday, during 5th grade, there was this giant fight between my classmates because a friend of my bully told my friend that he liked her but because she was associated with me, his friends got mad at him and then my friend's friend got mad at him which caused his friends to be mad at her and it sorta spiraled from there with my classmates getting into fights over crushes and I watched the chaos unfold

at the time, I didn't know that I was aro, and both at the time and now I thought it was an over-exaggeration, but I still don't quite think that would've been the normal situation if my bullies weren't so dramatic so it's probably not an allo thing and was just a "these specific people are weird" kinda thing

anyway, because of this fight, people started making assumptions about who had a crush on who, it was weird, but eventually someone got to me and assumed I had a crush on my bully and I was so genuinely hurt by that that I almost punched the guy in the face, the only thing stopping me was school rules against physical violence (verbal death threats and drawing yourself murdering a classmate are okay but tag is banned bc someone tagged a little too hard once).

I've seen so many other aros talk about how enemies to lovers is the superior trope, but as someone with experience of having someone that wanted me dead, tried to get everyone else to turn against me, and frankly made my life a living hell while I also hated him for what he would do to me and wanted so badly for him to disappear (aka, an enemy), I could never get behind the enemies to lovers trope. To me, it sounds like rebranded "he's only bullying you because he likes you!" I see nothing wrong with liking stories like that but the amount of the conversation that goes "it is objective fact that enemies to lover is the only good romance trope" is troubling to me (or even worse: "much more relatable/realistic"). It's never "I like enemies to lovers more than other tropes," it is always objective language used. It feels like that classmate telling me that I must have a crush on the guy that called me dyke and fag because that's "just how it works." I'm not mad at anyone who likes the enemies to lovers trope, there is no possible way they could know who I am or how it affects me and I'm not gonna tell someone to stop enjoying something because I don't like it. I know people are going to get defensive about this so I want to make it very clear that I have no ill will to anyone and maybe you don't see this trope this way and that's fine, fiction is very much open to interpretation. I just wanted to get my thoughts about it out there and maybe there will be someone who can relate, maybe I can help others who feel the same feel less alone.

this is also not a invitation to argue or debate this with me, I could never be in the right headspace to defend how my trauma affected me, so please don't tell me I'm wrong about something this subjective and personal. I'm not trying to say anyone who likes enemies to lovers is wrong or morally corrupted or that they've never been bullied or harassed, this is just my experience. I know I sound like a broken record with that but I really just want to make it clear.

[spookyboywhump]

Other ask making me think about young Zander begging Andrew to treat him and talking about just wanting to see his mom. I love breaking my own heart

Help I’m crying. So is Zander. I wrote a little thing.

CW: broken bones, Zander is very very sad, medical setting

***

“Please help…” He murmured, his words almost slurred. His entire body was sore but the worst of the pain was in his shoulder, he was taking short, shallow breaths to try and keep the pain at bay. He knew that realistically, he could not win every fight he was thrown into, but he never expected them to end this badly, even his first hadn’t ended this terribly.

“I’m going to, Zander, it’s going to be okay.” Andrew said gently. He was always calm when Zander came in, even when he seemed stressed or worried he always kept himself together. Zander usually appreciated that about him. He squeezed his eyes shut, the bright lights in the room were overwhelming and worsening the pounding in his head. “Can you move your arm for me?” He asked, and Zander knew he couldn’t, he didn’t want to even try he just knew, he’d had to be dragged out of the ring because he couldn’t bring himself to get up or move, every slight disturbance causing the pain to get worse.

“No…” He whined, he tried to shake his head but even that sent another twinge of pain to his shoulder, bringing tears to his eyes.

“I really need you to try.” Andrew told him, and when he refused again, he sighed. “Alright, I’m sorry about this but it’s probably going to hurt.” He said. Zander could feel him touching his arm, he assumed he was looking there for some kind of break, but the second he moved his arm Zander howled in pain, he instinctively tried to make him let go with his other hand but his wrist had been restrained to the bed.

“No!” He cried, his voice cracking. “Stop- stop, please, just make it stop hurting!” He begged, looking at Andrew desperately.

“We will.” He assured him. “I’m just checking things, I’m sorry about that.” He said, and even though Zander usually liked how calm he was, he was so overwhelmed with panic he didn’t understand how Andrew wasn’t also panicking, as if he didn’t understand just how much pain Zander really was in.

“I just- I just want it to stop- stop hurting…” He whimpered. “Give me painkillers or- or knock me out or something, I don’t care- fuck!” He shouted as Andrew finally felt along his shoulder and collarbone, he jerked his hand away quickly at how aggressively Zander reacted. “That fucking hurts!” He cried. “I- I need help,” He said as if Andrew didn’t already know this, but he wasn’t thinking entirely clearly at this point, even his thoughts clouded by pain and desperation, “Please, please make it stop!” He couldn’t stop himself from the way he broke down sobbing, even though it just hurt more it felt like there was nothing he could do, and whatever Andrew could do for him would likely take some time, and he didn’t have it in him to wait patiently and quietly for that. He could hardly see anything through his tears, but Andrew was looking at him like he pitied him, like he hated to see him this way.

“I’ll get you something for the pain, you’re going to be alright.” Andrew told him. Zander almost didn’t want him to leave his side but at least it came with the promise of relief. He couldn’t stop crying, couldn’t even try to hold himself together, he couldn’t breathe properly and his chest ached from trying so hard, he just wanted it all to stop. Andrew came back eventually, Zander felt a needle prick his arm, he didn’t care what he was being given as long as it made the pain finally stop.

“Just give it a minute, you’ll feel better soon.” Andrew assured him. He went to rub his shoulder to comfort him but quickly moved his hand away, realizing it would only make things worse. Zander appreciated the thought at least, he’d accept any comfort he could get at the moment. It was rare he got any kind of comfort really, it had been well over a year and he was growing used to the rough and careless treatment he was constantly facing. Andrew tried when he could, but he was only around so often. Sometimes Zander didn’t even mind being hurt if it meant he got to be around somebody who actually seemed to care about him and his well-being.

Zander was left by himself when Andrew had to tend to something else or go off to talk to Cain. Usually the owners would be allowed back too but Cain could get volatile when Zander lost a fight and make things worse for everyone in the room, it was best to keep them separated. Zander tried his best to keep his mind off the injury but it was difficult when he could still feel it. He assumed something was broken, it wasn’t his first broken bone, the year before Mr. Whitaker had broken his hand with a hammer, and years before that he’d fallen out of a tree and broken his arm. He’d been a kid then, his father had rushed him to the hospital and his mother had met them there, they were both so worried but tried to keep calm to make sure he stayed calm. He remembered how much they fussed over him afterwards, and how they seemed so worried he’d end up with a similar energy because even after the broken arm had healed, he still kept doing impulsive and reckless things. When Andrew came back he was still crying, at least he was quieter now.

“We’ll probably keep you here overnight, you won’t have to deal with Cain until tomorrow. He’ll probably have cooled off by then.” Andrew told him, but Zander was hardly listening. The pain was getting duller and duller and his thoughts were more hazy, he couldn’t focus on anything going on around him, only on the thoughts and memories he’d gotten lost in.

“I want my mom…” He mumbled. He wanted to go to sleep and wake up in his bed at home, like when he was a kid and he’d gotten hurt and his mother would bring him breakfast in bed. It wasn’t even completely necessary, it was just nice, just her showing she cared for him. He missed that a lot.

“I’m sure you do…” Andrew sighed. “I’m sure your mom misses you a lot too.” He told him, and Zander was able to process this just enough to start crying all over again, taking quick shuddering breaths as tears ran down the sides of his face, he couldn’t even try to blink them away. She probably did miss him, he remembered Cain showing him coverage of his disappearance, he remembered how distraught her and his step mom looked. Cain said they thought he was dead now, he couldn’t even imagine how that must’ve felt, they’d lost their only child and they believed it was for good, but he was still alive, he was right here, stuck in this hell in unbearable pain, unable to keep himself calm.

“I miss her… I miss my step mom… I miss my dad…” He whimpered. “I want to- to go home… I want my mom…” He wanted to be cared for, he was thankful for everything Andrew did and when he was more coherent he could recognize on some level Andrew did care for him, but it still wasn’t the same as the family he missed so desperately.

“I know…” Andrew said, quieter. “I wish you could go back to them… I’m sorry.” He said, as if any of this had ever been his idea, as if he wasn’t one of the only people to ever stand up for him.

“I wish- I wish I could talk to her…” He mumbled, he felt more relaxed from the painkillers but so much more tired too, suddenly all he wanted was to go to sleep. “Wish she knew I was okay… I’ll be okay, right…?” He asked, and he wasn’t sure if he was asking about just his current injury, or about everything happening to him outside of that.

“Of course you will.” Andrew told him. “I’ll make sure of that. You’ll be alright, Zander.” He told him, and he was so tired and disoriented that he took his word for it, eventually, in some sense, he’d be okay. He was hopeful for that, at least, as he finally passed out, finally receiving the break from everything he needed so, so badly.

[loveregrown]

Thank you for the recommendation! Ita 3am and I can't stop reading! I also haven't stopped crying ever since I started. I'm crying now and I mistyped your name in the search bar three times.

I'M SO SORRY KOTOKO. I READ EVERYTHING THAT'S OUT RIGHT NOW ONE MORNING WHILE DISSOCIATED WHEN I FIRST GOT INTO IT AND I CRODE SO MUCH. WHAT AONO-KUN DOES TO A MF (ノ_＜。) Omg. It is so gutwrenching and it touches on the themes it does so well and so realistically and it really hurts even if other times it's so funny it also just makes you ache. It has got me crunk somebody save me there's so much I could say about it. How the worst aspects of Aono-kun's life & his existence after his death become gradually unearthed, being driven to the brink and getting more and more heavily enmeshed with Yuri as his last link to humanity and being and happy even as he gradually destroys her. How consuming love can be and themes of one's self worth in relation to it.... The discussions of abuse and how different characters feel about it. The topic of grief omg. Somebody sedate me. The deep-rooted mother issues of it all. The dread thuis manga makes you feel.. the dread 😂

I knew you would like it, because the creator of csm likes it and has drawn fanart for it... and... well... clearly it made you feel something. Even the romance between them tears me apart. Ah I could cry thinking about it too hard right now. And the horror that is so excellently pulled off? I actually felt unease so many times. The scenes that are intimate yet don't feel voyeuristic, but personal instead... bububu. Random screenshots of them that I like. I like when he is so detached from his true self and is something else entirely. What is his true self anymore, really?

It's so... real. You know? So sickeningly real. How desperate Yuri was that she just sort of jumped into that relationship with Aono-kun and yet they ended up like this. And what has become of him... bah. I miss fujimoto and horie a lot too. They're all so personal to me I hope I die. I love the dialogue so much and I dont mind the parts where they overexplain the ghosts even if I sometimes skip them because sometimes it's interesting to me and also thats just mio being autistic half of the time it's fine. How far in have you gotten? Have you gotten to the part with yuri's sister it does cocomelon shit to me. Also Her reliance on her relationship on aono and this dream yuri has even ifthis doest Actually happen and isnt reflective of their relationship in the real world... that sort of contradicts how aono feels about her... crazy stuff.

When you're done talk to me about it if you want.... sorry for any spoilers in these screenshots they're ones I had on hand they're not really spoilers without any context though. I'm also sorry I didnt give any tws considering its so heavy lol and I forgot to mention it's not a completed manga yet and the path it's going scares me but intrigues me too. The author is a woman by the way; did you know? It makes a lot of sense to me. uuu its so good. every character I like them. I like aonokun. abd I also want to hold him so badly I could die. Please drink water dear Kotoko!

[pe0ple3ater]

I've never actually written out something like this, so forgive me if it's a little muddled in places but you mentioned being into cannibalism and, as your one stop shop for all things F!Cell, it feels right for me to try to provide. So here's an obligatory CellTW leg ficlet.

~

It was the fear in his eyes that really started the meal. It usually did, but there was something about specifically those beautiful dark eyes, wide with fear and trained on him so dutifully that Cell found delicious.

Pac would have to understand why he was doing this.

Sure, it started as anger. It started as a punishment, since his queridinho had started going behind his back (to his exes no less!) to try to get out and leave Cell behind. Pac wanted to run so badly? Cell would just have to stop him.

But once the leg was off, cut right at the knee and spilling out that beautiful color onto the cold stone floors, spilling and staining Cell's hands fresh again, staining the ugly orange of the jumpsuits they each wore to a much prettier dark crimson where it reached...once he saw those eyes, wide and afraid and lined with building tears

Well, he couldn't just let this gift go to waste, could he?

The first bite was like heaven. A little slimier than normal, but a burst of that coppery ambrosia behind his teeth and dripping down his face. He mourned what he couldn't lick up. He wished he could make Pac part of him more wholly, but this would have to do.

The meat in his jaws was chewy, sticky, and familiar by now, but Pac's was almost sweet. Muscle and tendon tore to his teeth messily, like an art or perhaps like worship. It would have been better cooked, perhaps, but he didn't have time for that and even if he did, he'd lose getting to have those beautiful eyes on him as he feasts on this traitor to his plan and to his heart.

The next mouthful was as good as the first, but now accompanied by the beautiful sound of screams made it taste better. Fear always did taste better...

The screams went quiet and, for an instant, Cell was the one left with a pang of fear...but Pac was just passed out.

He wouldn't run again. He couldn't.

Pac would come to understand why he did this.

Why he had to do this.

Why he made Pac a part of himself like this.

Pac would wake, eventually, to find himself a short crawl away from the prison medical center, a tourniquet already tied around his fresh stump.

Cell never did like to have to kill his favorites, after all.

- 📱

YES YESS!! You ate (lol) this so hard I dropped everything to open tumblr on my laptop to properly respond.

"Well, he couldn't just let this gift go to waste, could he?" God no of course he can't, because in Cell's fucked up mind this is how he's showing Pac he loves him. It's how he's keeping Pac close, because if Pac is close to him he can be safe! Cell is dangerous, but he's just dangerous enough that if Pac would just be good and listen to him, he wouldn't have to get hurt anymore!

"..he'd lose getting to have those beautiful eyes on him as he feasts on this traitor to his plan and to his heart." OBSESSED WITH THIS LINE FOREVER. Yes! YOU GET IT. Cell loves him, but was created through violence and knows no other way to express that. Cell values honesty, he doesn't like being left out of the loop. He's angry, but more than that he's hurt. A hurt that he's never felt before. Having your first real gay crush will do that to you.

"Pac would come to understand why he did this. Why he had to do this. Why he made Pac a part of himself like this." and he WOULD! Eventually, eventually he'd see that it was an act of love! His brain will convince him that Cell was doing it to show his love. It hurt so bad, it scares him so bad, his brain just offers him the explanation he wants. There is no realistic explanation for why Cell would do this to him, but Pac wants to be loved so badly that he deludes himself into understanding Cell's actions.

"Cell never did like to have to kill his favorites, after all." most banger ending line ever!

You cooked so hard with this holy shit, I got so excited when I saw it in my inbox. Thank you for blessing me.

[zilabee]

A massive long post only I will care about, the best kind of post \o/ A meme about my fic, the wild and windy night.

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

It was meant to be a super quick fives times h/c fic to get all my favourite h/c scenarios into one fic, and the first chapters I wrote like that, super short easy sketches, and then I tried to write the last one just the same, but I realised something big needed to happen to make them actually see each other... and so I did a Terrible Thing to Paul.  And I did it without thinking, and then I realised that I didn’t know how to fix it, and having John show up and take care of him was basically useless because he wasn’t going to be okay and it was awful.  But I also couldn’t think how to change it, so I wrote eight longer less easy chapters trying to make him be okay, and then it was set in shape and I let it exist. 

2: What scene did you first put down?

The first one. I write things in their order. I mean I leave hard bits badly written and go back to them, but I write them badly before I go forward because otherwise I genuinely don't know what happens next.  How do you know what they’re going to do until they’ve done it?

3: What’s your favourite line of narration?

They are worn and grubby and beloved of the earth.

I don't know why but I really like it. I'm aware there are much more meaningful bits in my fic, and more poignant, but all the same.

I'm also fond of:

He is sitting on the floor and the floor is imaginary.

4: What’s your favourite line of dialogue?

"You're the one that broke it." "Ah, but it's your window." "Ah, but I haven't got any hands, you see."

I think being able to say that is why Paul needed John, more than any of the other things he needed him for.

5: What part was hardest to write?

The bit that I didn't write, where they talk about Klein and Apple and why it had all hurt so much. I stopped writing the fic for about three months when I got to that scene, because I kept writing myself into a corner where they actually had irreconcilable differences and kind of hated each other. Which was not my hope.

You know in the real world where they said they would have phone calls and it was fine until they would talk about business and then they hated each other? That. It made me doubt the existence of love or the possibility of reunion.

In the end I did get something I vaguely liked, about how it had been the first time they wanted different things, and acknowledging the pain of that on both sides, but I had to cut it out because it bogged them down further than I could deal with. I also think not really addressing it is more realistic than finding the words when they were both drunk and exhausted.

Of what stayed in, the hardest part was the ending (penultimate chapter, not the happy add-on) because I knew Paul wasn’t just going to be completely okay within a few weeks or something, and it’s odd writing fic that isn’t slash because the ending is usually just ‘THEY ARE TOGETHER AND HAPPY NOW’ but in this I just got them as close to committed to each other as I could, and was vaguely honest about the fact that they would probably fuck it all up as soon as we left.

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

It’s longer than all my other fic by about 20000 words.

7: Where did the title come from?

I think subconsciously I might have written the entire fic to fit inside a long and winding road, but honestly it was just a lovely surprise when I went looking for a title and realised that Paul wrote me a song! 

8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?

Only the real people and events that are in it.

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

Nope. What is this? Do people write ten versions of their fic and then pick the best?

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

Because they were in it.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

I like the rhythm of it, and the stillness. I like that it’s finished and whole.  I really like that after George tells Paul the thing about how John is going to fall apart, they NEVER SPEAK AGAIN and Paul doesn’t even really explicitly think about George again.  I kept thinking I should fix that but it’s honestly one of my favourite bits, and closure would ruin it.  The way that Paul's messed up relationship with George isn't even something he thinks of as needing fixing, is so special to me.

12: What do you like least about this fic?

It’s odd because if you’d asked me at the time, I would have had a huge list of things I flat out hated about this fic.  HATED.  I can’t overstate how much I hated the entire thing when I was posting it, like I would post new chapters to tumblr and write huge essays in the tags about how awful it was and how much I hated it and how nobody should look at it - and then I’d delete them all before posting, because I know that’s annoying, and it never sounds sincere, it sounds like you’re begging for reassurance.  And I didn’t want reassurance.  I honestly just wanted to post my fic without anyone looking at it.  Although at the same time I genuinely really appreciated the comments because I could feel like even though it was an awful dreadful thing, people couldn’t tell.  So it was okay.

I think I’d read it and edited it so many times that I was pretty sure it didn’t mean anything at all any more, it had no emotion in it, and I’d cut out any of it that ever made any sense, it all seemed forced and stupid and bare and I couldn’t stand looking at it. I literally posted it because I knew that if I didn’t I would edit it forever, and I never wanted to look at it again.  I clearly remember thinking to myself: ‘well it’s never going to be good, you should just post it and then at least it’ll be dead’. 

But now I read it back and I really love it, I’m kind of proud of it, I think it’s quite sweet.  I guess... there are still small parts where I think the rhythm’s wrong, and I got stuck in John's headspace for a huge chunk towards the end and couldn't find a way around that which still annoys me.  But not enough to care or fix it.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

"Bill Haley's whole back catalogue is running through John now"

I don't really listen to music when writing usually, but with this Two Hound Dogs was in my head from the moment they got drunk and it was late and cold and there was this whole feeling of so much weather outside that it almost feels like weather inside, and Bill Haley's music was running through all of it, so I left him in it, because he seemed to want to be there. And I listened to Two Hound Dogs every time I touched it.  It's music from the years when John found Paul, so it fits that way - I'm aware John was not fond of Bill Haley, but I kind of liked that. And I didn't know at the time, but there's also that thing where Paul says he went to see Bill Haley once, and people read it as saying he met John there, so that makes it more nicely meaningful and less random.

14: What happens after the end of this fic?

I think John needs countryside as much as Paul does, so I think he settles into being a part of their life pretty well, and then when it’s too quiet spends weekends with the others or down in London, and eventually he probably comes back from one of those trips with his new fancy posh gallery owner boyfriend in tow, and introduces him at dinner and both John and Linda get to watch Paul navigate John having a boyfriend \o/  Happy days.  And then... I think they’re just sort of happy enough.  Paul would learn to make music using one finger, like overdubbing little bits of piano with each other, and creating acapella albums, and generally finding new ways to do whatever occurred to him.  And then electronic stuff would come in and he’d be all over that. 

15: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

No. Was my big angstfest of platonic soulmate reunion supposed to be secretly educational?

16: What did you learn from writing this fic?

That I should finish editing a fic before I start posting it. And that people who comment on chapter by chapter fic are just insanely kind, like wow.