#really hope that carlos will appear in a future game

[gigi-does-art]

Capcom I beg of you to please bring Carlos back, I miss him qwq. Im now on to the re3 characters and decided to start off with Carlos, since I already gave Jill a design! I love him so much and im very excited to see him when I play re3! I really adore how his design turned out ^w^

Design fact: He’s a mink seal-point ragdoll! I thought it would fit him a lot and wanted him to be fluffy. His design can also be simplified and doesn’t have to be exact with the shading and all.

[hamiltonaf]

Seeking His Attention | Lando Norris

Pairing: Lando Norris x Female Reader

Word Count: 1.9K

Warnings: None

A/N: This was written quite a while back on Wattpad so I thought of posting it on here. Due to it being written ages ago, there will be no sequel unfortunately. However, there’s more one shots to follow. Hope you guys enjoy .xoxo

When the doorbell rang, I assumed it would be no one else but the girls. I opened the door and was greeted by just who I thought it would be, "Hey girls" I smiled. "Hi (Y/N/N)" they greeted back as they gave me a hug. Lando stood behind them with a smile on his face. "They won't be staying the night" he said as he crossed his arms over his chest. Ciska rolled her eyes whilst Flo made her way into the house.

"Why not ?" I asked as I raised a brow. "They have some thing at school tomorrow morning" he said. "Ohh okay then that's fine" I gave him a small smile. "Yeah I guess I'll see you later then, have fun" he said as he ran his fingers through his hair. He was all dressed to go out and he didn't even mention a word about where his going...wow some best friend he is. "Thanks. You too" I waved him off as I went inside and shut the door behind me. Ciska and Flo stared at me as my back was against the door. "Tomorrow's Saturday" I said confused.

"That it is" Flo said. "Do you'll really have to go to school tomorrow morning ?" I asked in confusion. "Nope" Ciska answered. "Then what was his deal ?" I asked as I raised my hands. "You'll find out later tonight" Flo said as Ciska laughed. "Oh god well I hope you'll are right" I said as I shook my head and started walking to my room.

They trailed behind me which my bestie was quick to stand up and greet them since she was familiar with them. We decided to play a few board games such as Ludo and Monopoly which I won or dominated by the way. Oldies are goldies.

After playing a few games we decided on watching a movie, it was hard for all four of us to come to a decision but finally we decided to watch High School Musical for like the tenth time.

Just before the introduction I decided to scroll through my Instagram for a quick minute so that I didn't miss anything important.

Lando's Instagram story was the first to pop up on my list and I was lowkey eager to see what he was up to. He had posted a video of his friend trying to imitate him and surrounded by him were not only his guy friends but a few girl friends as well. My heart actually dropped at the thought of him being romantically involved with one of them and me not knowing all this time, especially thinking that I had a chance for the past 2 years.

Directly after he had reposted another girls Instagram story, it was her attempt of Carlos and Lando's 'beat drop challenge' which just made me cringe since the song didn't even get to the beat, and instead her and the friend in the video were just trying to look pretty...pathetic.

Me being curious, I decided to do some snooping through this girls account. I've noticed both Oliver and Lando follow her. Lovely. She appears to be a model, even better. Looking at a few of her posts I see that Lando already liked a few of them. One post she's seen to be naked and has a 'wet' look as if she just came out of the shower, mans had the audacity to comment a bathtub emoji on her post. Smh.

"(Y/N/N) the movie is about to start" Flo said as she nudged me. "Are y'all seeing this shit ?" I said as I continued to scroll through her posts. "Who's that ?" Ciska asked as she looked over my shoulder. "Oh I don't know, maybe your future sister-in-law" I said sarcastically. Both of them stifling a laugh, even my best friend. "Oh my god no" Ciska said. "She's pretty though" my best friend piped. "Not what I need to hear right now, thanks" I faked a smile.

"This chick didn't even do the challenge correctly and your brother gives her some fame on his story plus making her feel important by commenting, and liking her photos" I scoffed. "Awww is (Y/N) feeling jealous ?" (Y/F/N) teased. "Oh my god no" I faked a laugh. "We know you well enough by now to know when you're lying" Flo smiled. "I ain't jealous guys. If he likes this chick then I'm happy for him" I faked a smile. "Okay, whatever you say (Y/N/N)" Ciska said with a playful smile.

I looked between the 3 of them then locked my phone to place it to the side so they could continue playing the movie. As much as I tried to forget about Lando, the thought of him and that girl hanging out tonight kept crossing my mind. Ughhh.

It was getting late, almost midnight and no sign of Lando or even Oliver that they're going to pick up the girls. After the movie was over we decided to make some pancakes since we didn't know what else to eat at this hour. I decided to make the batter and the girls were going to toast them so it would be faster.

Half way through making the batter I get a phone call and it's from none other than Lando. "Oh would you look at that" I said as I glanced at my phone screen. "Oooooh" the girls cooed. I rolled my eyes and shook my head at them. "Could one of you answer instead because I'm busy" I said. Flo answered the call with a grin, "Hellooo" she said.

She then looked at me, "She's busy at the moment" she smiled. He's asking about me I assume. "You wanna talk to her ?" she asked playfully. Oh gosh. "Okay hold on" she smiled as she then handed the phone to me. "He wants to talk to you" she whispered. I stiffened as I stopped whisking and took the phone from her hand.

The 3 of them watching intently. "Hello ?" I answered. "Hey, you busy ?" He asked. "Well I was in the middle of making pancakes but you clearly have something important to say" I said sarcastically which made the girls laugh. "Uhm yeah, I know it's late but I'm on my way to pick up the girls. I'm just leaving from here so I'll be there in a few" he said. "Are you sure it's safe ? They can stay over, I don't mind" I suggested. "Nope it's fine. Give me 10 minutes" he said. "Drive safely please, speeding your way here is not worth it" I said. "I will. See you in a bit" he said lastly. "Okay byeee" I said before ending the call.

"Y'all sound like a couple already" Ciska said. "You guys need to stop" I said as I couldn't help but crack a smile and finished off making the batter. It luckily didn't take us that long after to toast the pancakes and cover them with Nutella, and some fruit as well. As we were eating we heard the rev of his car outside. "Looks like he's here" I said blandly. "That's our call" Flo said as she and Ciska got up. They both hugged me and (Y/F/N) before waving us off. "Thank you for an amazing time" Flo smiled. "Anytime" I smiled back. "Why don't you come out ?" Ciska suggested playfully. "Nah I'm fine here thanks" I giggled, I know what they're up to. "Byeee !" They yelled on their way out.

Lando's P.O.V

I was a bit upset to only see the girls come out and no sign of (Y/N). "Where's (Y/N) ?" I asked as I rolled the window down. "Inside" Ciska said. "Is she not coming out ?" I questioned. "She's upset with you so she rather stay inside" Flo said. "What did I do ?" I asked shocked. "Why did you have to post that girl on your story because now she thinks you're not interested in her you fool" Ciska shook her head as she got inside the car. "You've got to be joking" I said stunned. "You should've seen her face, poor thing thought that friend of yours is our future sister-in-law" Flo said as she pouted. "Oh my god. Shit" I said as I held my head in my hands.

"So much for trying to make things work with her this weekend" Ciska said as she rolled her eyes. "Hooter and she'll come outside" Flo suggested. I did as she told me but doing it once didn't help so I hooted 2 more times. A hot and angry looking (Y/N) stepped outside, storming towards my car as she leaned against the door. "Have you lost it ? It's past 12am and you're hooting for the whole damn neighbourhood to hear you" she said. "It's an excuse to get you to come outside" I smiled. "I'm here now, what could be so important this time ?" She asked. "Uhm...do you maybe want to go out tomorrow, like an all day date" I said.

"I would love to but I'm sure you already have someone who can replace me like that girl on your story" she faked a smile and turned around to walk back into the house. "Go after her !" the girls yelled. I jumped out of the car and caught up with her just before she can go inside by grabbing a hold of her hand. "I know what you're thinking and it's nothing like that I swear. It has and always will be you. I really like you okay ? I have for a very long time, I just couldn't find the urge to tell you since I was worried you didn't feel the same" I said as I rubbed soothing circles on her hands.

"Hard to believe that when you comment and like all that girls posts, plus you just got back from a night out with not only your guy friends but girl friends as well and you didn't tell me" she said as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Are you my girlfriend that I need to tell you everything I do and everywhere I go ?" I asked to piss her off. "You know what just go away" she said as she walked away. I wrapped my arms around her as I held her from behind. "I know you feel the same since you're clearly jealous, you don't have to say it, I just like messing with you. I'll pick you up tomorrow at 11am, don't leave me hanging" I said before kissing her cheek and running off to the car. I noticed the smile on her face when I got into the car. I hooted and winked at her one last time before driving off.

[itslusii]

hello!, good afternoon/evening 😸🫶, I would like to make a request for Carlos Sainz, a headcanons about a relationship with him, something like Pedri's, yes! I am the one who made the request for Pedri, thank you very much, I really love what you write, while I read it a silly smile appears on my face 😿💗

Dating Carlos Sainz ❤️

Pairing: Carlos Sainz Jr x Reader

Warnings: nope

Author’s Note: Hi love 💕 Thank you so so much for this! I enjoyed writing this one and i tried adding a few other things to make it longer! Hope you enjoy this one as well 💗Also the amount of times i tried putting the stupid photos together, it’s embarrassing but i just couldn’t do it so no photo this time :(((

-Carlos Sainz is a family guy. That is very clear and i think we all know it, he will love that you and his family get along really well. You and his sisters, his mum, his father. Everyone.

-You have to know that Carlos won’t always be there due to his job so communication is something big in the relationship. Such as Good Morning texts, asking you if slept well, also loves to facetime you at night and ask you about your day. If you guys fight it’s probably because of lack of communication and distance.

-He is not someone that will go and be affectionate in public. He will not, he just doesn’t feel comfortable with it and it’s totally fine! But in private homeboy is all over you. Like literally, he will not even let you go to the bathroom or if you are cooking he is sitting there just looking at your face. He is in love.

-Carlos has godly lips so he must know what he’s doing with them ;) Such as forehead kisses, cheek kisses, hands, shoulders, nose, ears. Everywhere. He is OBSESSED with kissing you and every chance he gets to do it he’ll take it.

-Carlos is someone that adores animals, Piñon (his dog) is the most precious thing he has so it is a requirement to love Piñon. He is included in the Carlos Sainz Pack. And if you have any dogs or cats or whatever he will gladly introduce them to Piñon.

-This man loves gossip, he lives for it. Anything you know about the people that surround both of you he’ll soak it up like a sponge. And if he has the tea he’ll sit you down and tell you everything.

-Carlos is someone really involved in working, like i already said he will be away a majority of time so if you have any hobby or you play any sport or anything you are like dedicated to, he will do everything in his will to at-least watch it on his phone. If he is there in the moment he’ll look like a proud mom taking photos and videos all the time. (i love this man please)

-Lazy mornings are his thing, if he went to bed late due to work he will expect for you to sleep in a little later so that both of you can enjoy the morning together.

-Is open for anything new, like if you cook something that is from your country he will try it and if he likes it, will most likely to learn how to cook it for future night dates :)

-Carlos is a happy person and is happy that you are in his life. And if you are happy, he is happy but if you are not he’ll try to comfort you by talking to you, cuddling, listening to you ramble, etc. He grew up around women so he probably is good at listening and giving advice.

-Loves music, any song that he reminds him of you he’ll add it to shared playlist that you both listen while being in the car.

-Which takes me to the driving part. As a Formula 1 driver you must think he is tired of driving, well not. He loves going to his family country side house and spending his free time there with you. Drinking wine, playing soft music, cooking, movies, board games.

-Overall Carlos is a really sweet man and will probably want to be in your life for a long time💘

[mindvice]

Random Death Island thoughts as I was watching (some spoilers obvi):

- One minute in: "SAN FRAN? FRISCO??? NO ONE CALLS IT THAT"

- Facial expressions are kind of dead :(

- Otherwise Leon looks great as always!

- From what I read on his Twitter, it sounds like this is Matthew Mercer's last Leon project? Love him but being a newer RE fan, Nick Apostolides was my first intro to Leon - so I'm excited to (hopefully) see him in the role again in the future (speaking of, he was nominated for a Horror Game Award for RE4R and people can vote!)

- My brain trying to figure out the whole RE universe timeline when all the characters have aged differently and I haven't finished all of the games: 😵‍💫

- So this takes place after Vendetta? At least Leon looks better/healthier now?

- "We're all dying, how can you be so calm?" "We got Jill" 😭

- "Hey! Uglyy!"???? What kind of writing is this

- Knew it wasn't going to happen, but I was hoping for a Carlos appearance or even just a reference

I wasn't really expecting much but I think it temporarily satisfied my Leon thirst at least 😅 and I guess my money is a good way of telling Capcom, "I like these characters, more please?"

And thoughts from some of the iTunes extras..

“If [RE3R] is what the fans think Jill looks like, then naturally we had to make her look similar in the movie. … In Jill’s character design, because of her exposure to the virus, she ages slower than a normal human. To follow that idea accurately, if you consider that background, her appearance wouldn’t have changed very much because the movie takes place a few years after RE3. I don’t think it’s wrong to assume that. And instead of making her look a certain way, we wanted the viewers to immediately recognize that it was Jill, so we settled on her current design.”

But she doesn’t need to be wearing almost the exact same clothes for people to be able to recognize her?? And yeah they say they greyed her hair a bit and gave her wrinkles, but she even looks kind of younger than before???

Also…

🥵

[riizebabie444]

hiiiii!! how are you? I hope you are doing great. thank you so much for hosting such an interesting game ♡

my name is eileen, an aquarius sun, gemini moon, gemini rising, and capricorn venus! the name of my celebrity crush is carlos sainz <3 he is a f1 pilot 🏎️

i would love to do an exchange with you about your future spouse using my intuition.

right off the bat I'm getting that your fs is someone who has musical talent, like singing, and playing instruments. someone with a black wavy hair. someone who really do care about their appearance. I'm getting that they will smell very nice! OK I just got vision, your fs might even give you their fragrance so whenever you miss them, you could just simply spray their fragrance.

they are someone who do investment I feel like, someone who is tall, serious demeanor too. slightly older than you, but not much, like 3-4 years.

I just heard "she has him wrapper around her finger" yeah your fs is WILLING to do anything for you. I'm getting they love to spend time with you. right I forgot to mention, their love language might be quality time.

i think your fs really do like around you, like they laugh so much around you. someone who cherish you. they feel like they have gotten the jackpot in life, after noticing they feeling for you.

you two might gotten into the relationship quite fast. YEAH YOUR FS IS VERY MUCH EAGER I FEEL LIKE 😭

oh interesting the channeled song I have for you and your fs is style by Taylor Swift

gurl jdksms as you are a hopeless romantic, I'm telling you your fs is the spouse of your dream ksmsoe the energy? so cute. so full with love. smitten all over.

your future spouse is really big on surprises and romantic gesture i feel like. lol I literally just saw a clear vision of someone with a big bucket of red roses covering their face. I'm sensing because of your fs work, they might be travel a lot (hence the missing part, the love of spending time together), expect them to be welcomed by their presence with surprises kekeneosk.

seriously? this whole relationship feels like the album of taylor swift lover tbh. honestly the two of you have such a healthy and cute relationship. one last thing I'm getting (this one is quite clear I feel like I have to tell you), your fs will be very happy to be back home with the woman that they love very dearly.

thank you so much for letting me did an intuitive reading for you about your fs! hope that the reading does resonates. can not wait to get the reading from you ♡ take you time, do not need to rush. once again thank you for letting me participate in such fun game.

it's giving power couple right away! firstly, i see a lot of influence. like, y'all are the couple that everyone wants to be. people will copy your outfits and go to the same place you went on a date or visit the city you guys went to last week. especially the people who follow you and keep up with you a lot, such as fans and followers. everyone will wanna know all about it. and it's not just people with parasocial relationships but people in your circle. they kinda see the power and influence you have over others and they'll try to have some of that buy copying you. you guys are the trend setters haha. i see this being very chill, very peaceful, but deeply emotional. it might be easy to tiff each other off but it's also easy to take a step back and give each other space, and then recollect together with renewed feelings. when either one of you is feeling under pressure, the other will be there to give them strength. and in that way, you will be each other's tamer. for example, if one of you is pushing too hard, the other will be there to ensure you don't burn out. he would be very protective too, almost overprotective. but it's kind and gentle, he wouldn't ever make you feel trapped or suffocated by his protectiveness, but there may be some uncomfortable times in a relationship when you disagree. but like i said, space and time is given and you both come to an understanding. and although you'd travel the world together, you'd be homebodies/introverts also, focusing mainly on spending time together and exploring the world together. i randomly saw piggy backs so i guess it means he would piggy back you often, especially when your feet are tired after a long day, he doesn't mind carrying you. he'd definitely take care of you well.

thank you so much for the exchange reading, i hope mine was up to par with what you expected because yours was so long i didn't expect it! but thank you again there was so much info and i loved it all!

(and it's funny you say investment because i'm literally starting my master's in investment, i now take it that i'm also on the right path to meeting my fs? time will tell hehe)

[lediz-watches]

Hang on to your life

In this episode, Carlos proves himself The Best Hero and I love him.

Side note – the episode image from the wiki (which is where I get these from) could not have picked a more 70s dressed set image if it possibly tried. Also: BREAD.

I’m liveblogging The Winchesters as a Supernatural!virgin. Please keep my lack of knowledge in mind if you continue...

In episode thoughts:

Ha. Cat scare. And here I was thinking about how Buffy taught me to enjoy the irony of a guy going down a dark alley to die

He… appears to be smoking? Like, literally?

Oh. Spontaneous Combustion. Or not so spontaneous, it seems. But will there be a foot left behind?

Really, John? You’re asking if she’s out NOW? Timing, my dude.

Ugh. Okay, on the one hand, I enjoy an episode where my two favourites get to take the lead, but on the other hand… actually, pause, I have to talk about this because I think it’s important.

By staying behind, John is making it clear that Mary is his priority over the job. And normally, that would be a good thing, because it shows balance and emotional connection over the whole violence thing. It would be a sign he can be redeemed. But the thing is, he doesn’t normally do this, and following on from his not great timing earlier, to me this feels… uncomfortable. As I’m writing this, I realise that it feels vaguely controlling. Like the sort of behaviour that implies he’s more doing it because he wants to keep an eye on Mary and make sure she doesn’t make any decisions about her life without him having a say in it.

And I do know that’s me making assumptions, probably. I hope I’m just reaching and misreading because I dislike John as a character, but right now, as I’m watching it, that’s how it feels.

And it is NOT MADE BETTER by Carlos’s response of “I’ll allow it”, as much as that was played as a joke, because… dude, Carlos, you’re still a man, and in this context, that statement feels like you are ‘allowing’ a boy to stay with your female friend. This is how people read too much into fiction and make unhealthy connections and hyper!feminist critique and get angry and ughhhh stop doing this…!

Okay moving on, sorry, I’m done.

I appreciate this bartender. I feel his hospitality pain.

…Yeah, Carlos is so Rivers Gemini forever now. It suits him, and that bed jacket he’s wearing today.

Mary. MARY. Note the flag. I know I said I’m done, but NOTE THE FLAG.

So, Rivers, what’s the need to get out?

Oh look, another character I’m supposed to recognise and don’t! The music insists. I’m sure I’ll figure that out later.

Aw, Carlos misses the life that could have been. That’s sad but exactly the sort of the thing I was hoping for from Mary! Why is Carlos’s understated backstory everything I wanted from Mary?

Oh. Maybe hat-guy isn’t supposed to be recognised so much as future important.

Wait, so Ada knows Mary’s dad. I didn’t think he was a Man of Letters? Are Men of Letters and Hunters the same thing? That hasn’t been clarified!

Okay, no. Mary’s dad doesn’t like the Men of Letters. But he does know Ada. And Ada was definitely one of Henry’s partners, and Henry was a Man of Letters. I AM SO CONFUSED.

Feather guy was gonna burn Jericho… but went for the bartender? For why?

That’s a cool tattoo. I like it. Probably not worth the burning humans, but still cool.

Okay, he’s not a look or aesthetic style of Loki that I’d like, but I do enjoy a trickster god.

Yes, Sam, you’re right. This sudden character development from the crew is ridiculous in less than a few months. I love them, but I agree, this is very strange that we’re supposed to believe this happened the way it did.

He’s also right that Mary’s a stubborn jackass. And I do like that this all happened because Sam realised he’d screwed up as a parent. And was his misguided attempt to get her out of the game. Oh, yes, I like this so much. Now I just want her to realise that she wanted the choice, but also wanted the game.

SUBTITLES THAT TRANSLATE SPANISH! IMPROVEMENTS!

Oh, Loki, you bastard trickster. This is cruelty to a hero.

And sure enough, Carlos is the hero I want.

G-gli- glitter?

Oh, but Loki, you will. These are the rules of gods. You test humanity and if humanity succeeds, you must accept it.

Awwww Carlos and Mary (and Lata being a brat in the background) and I love it so much!

Look, Samuel, I appreciate the sentiment, but I would be way happier with you if you said ‘hey, so, Ada found this thing and I’m planning to go help her out. You can come, but we also need to find those places again, and your team is great, so maybe we could split up’

Come oooon, Carlos, live the dream again for a minute

Because yeah, this you, I buy 100%. Is good food for the fangirl.

Also, I kind of want this cover on my spotify now.

M-Millie, what are you doing in this montage right now?

Oh, Mary… oh Mary.

And that’s another flag, that he’s not focussed on her when she’s saying THAT, of all things. I mean, I know the fans are freaking out right now, but come on. That was a big statement for this woman, pay her some goddamn mind.

Let’s just cut out John so I can enjoy this, because it was actually a great episode and I really loved a lot of it!

I love Carlos. I love his story, I love that he gave up his dreams to DO GOOD, that he was willing to sacrifice and sacrifice to the end, and that that, in fact, was his saving grace, and he was still given a moment to be the man he wanted to be, WHILE loving his life and his family and arghh he’s such a wonderful character I love him so much!

And Samuel! The whole story being a result of Samuel screwing up his attempt to set things right! The fact that he acknowledged that his father screwed him up, so he screwed up Mary and Maggie, and when he lost Maggie he knew he needed to save Mary, but he didn’t COMMUNICATE so it all went to hell, and ladies and gentlemen this is what happens when you don’t COMMUNICATE and –

And he’s so proud of the leader his little girl has become! Because all she ever really needed was a chance to be a hero and look at her becoming so much better than Samuel or his father or any of them ever were and –

AND LATA IS SUCH A LITTLE BRAT I LOVE HER SO MUCH.

Gah! Chapter Nine, right, right, moving on. (or back to chapter one if you care.)

[morganaspendragonss]

For the bad things happen bingo: Suicide attempt and 911 lone star? :o

@badthingshappenbingo prompt: suicide attempt - so sorry that this took so long, anon! hopefully you see this, and i hope you like it! 

also written for two anons who requested 48 -  “Hey! Hey, wake up! How many of these did you take, huh? No, no, don’t go back to sleep, you need to stay awake for me.” from this list

@911lonestarangstweek day 5:  Mental health + “I’m so tired of feeling like this.”

trigger warning for: suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, depression, drug addiction and drug abuse, overdosing - this is not a happy one folks, stay safe out there

ao3 | 1.9k

TK stumbles through the streets, one hand twitching anxiously at his side, the other clenched around the bottle of pills in his pocket. He’s getting strange looks from the few other people out at this hour, but he doesn’t care, he just - he just needs to find somewhere. A quiet place where he can lie down and let it all end.

He thinks he’s made his way out of the boundaries of Carlos’s regular beat now. He can’t be certain; he’s not really been paying attention to where he’s going, but he’s been walking for long enough, he hopes. If there’s one wish he has, one last prayer, it’s that Carlos isn’t the one who has to respond to this. TK knows he’s going to cause a lot of pain tonight, but if he can spare his husband this, then it’ll all be okay.

His wedding band rests heavy on his hand, it has for a while now. He’d contemplated leaving it at home, but he hadn’t quite been able to bear the thought of dying without it. It’s selfish, as is everything he’s doing, but TK doesn’t have it in him anymore to not be selfish. 

Carlos will be okay without him. He’ll be better, even; after all, who wants a husband who can barely get out of bed most mornings and never wants to be intimate anymore? 

He’s just so tired, and he knows that he’s hurting people. Carlos’s smiles are all forced these days and he has constant worry lines around his mouth and eyes, looking at TK as if he’s going to shatter at any moment. Captain Vega had told him in a gentle tone that still brooked no argument to take time off until he got his head back on straight, after a series of bad calls led to him breaking down in the middle of shift. His dad keeps hugging him, the tightness in his body when he does so telling TK everything he needs to know.

Even his therapist had said she was worried about him; TK knows that’s her job, but he still balked at the idea of being worried over.

It’s better this way. 

For everyone.

There’s a mercifully empty alley to his left and TK ducks into it, pressing himself against the brick and sliding to the cold ground. He pulls the pills out of his pocket, turning the bottle over in his hands, the rattling cutting through the air like a knife.

It steals TK’s breath, his body starting to tremble. There’s a part of him, still, that doesn’t want to do this. Or, not like this, at least. There’s a part of him that wants to hold onto his sobriety, the one thing in his life that he hasn’t managed to screw up yet. But… But this is the easiest way. He’s an old hat at overdoses by now; he knows how they work, what to expect. It’ll be the peace he’s been craving for so long.

He feels weirdly calm as he shakes the pills into his hand, staring at them for a brief second before dry swallowing them, a couple at a time. The overdose probably won’t kick in for a while, but that’s okay. He can wait.

Time blurs around TK as he starts to drift, his mind wandering down the well-trodden paths of how he’s not good enough, how he’s a terrible husband and son and friend, how he should just go ahead and relieve everyone from the burden of him already.

I know, he thinks irritably. What do you think I’m doing this for?

His mind, of course, doesn’t listen. Figures.

His body starts to list sideways and TK doesn’t fight it, letting himself droop until he’s half-sitting, half-lying on the ground. Any other time, it would probably be uncomfortable, but it’s not like these things matter anymore.

It won’t be long now, he thinks. His brain has gone all foggy and it’s getting harder and harder to string coherent thoughts together. His eyelids droop, sleep tugging at him, and TK goes gladly towards it, sparing one last thought for Carlos, holding his face in his memory for a moment before he lets go for good.

He loves him, so much. He wrote as much, in the note that’s folded up in his back pocket - he hadn’t wanted to risk Carlos coming home from work and finding it, finding him, before it was time - and he just hopes that the words will be enough. Carlos will probably hate him for a while after this, but that’s okay, too; TK deserves no less for everything he’s put his husband through recently.

Distantly, as though underwater, he registers the slamming of a car door, too close to the entrance of the alley for comfort. TK prays they won’t spot him - he just needs a little more time - but then a light falls on him, and a voice he’d hoped not to hear reaches his ears.

“TK?” Carlos’s voice trembles, and a few tears slip down TK’s cheeks. He can’t see his husband, his back turned towards him, but he knows so well the expression that’s probably gracing his face right now. He wants to tell Carlos to turn around and go home, but his tongue feels like it’s made of lead, and Carlos wouldn’t listen to him anyway.

TK doesn’t hear him come closer, but suddenly hands are on him, turning him over and manhandling him until he’s lying in Carlos’s lap. Carlos’s face swims above him, appearing and disappearing as TK’s blinks turn slow. He looks frantic, speaking into the radio on his chest; the last thing TK wants right now is an ambulance, but he just has to hope they won’t get here quick enough.

It seems likely, as his eyes shut and he finds he doesn’t have the energy to peel them back open. Carlos’s hands on him are more like a memory now; he feels like he’s floating somewhere outside his body, drifting further away with each second, each breath.

“Hey! Hey, wake up! How many of these did you take, huh?” Carlos’s voice has risen in pitch, roughly shaking TK until he cracks his eyes back open. He’s never been able to deny Carlos anything, after all.

TK doesn’t answer the question - he couldn’t even if he was able to form words. Instead, he attempts a smile, wanting to reassure his husband that it’s okay, even if he can’t say it out loud. The smile barely lasts a second before it drops, his whole face going slack and his eyes sliding shut again. 

And, this time, TK’s sure they won’t be opening again.

“No, no, don’t go back to sleep, you need to stay awake for me,” Carlos begs, something warm and wet hitting TK’s face. “Please, TK, the ambulance is nearly here. Just hold on, you’ve got to hold on.”

He can’t, though.

And it’s okay. 

It’ll all be okay.

*

It’s been four days.

Once upon a time, Carlos had thought that watching as his almost-boyfriend was whisked off in an ambulance, bullet wound in his chest, would be the worst moment of his life. Then TK had been kidnapped, and Carlos had spent hours not knowing where he was, if he was alive or dead, and he thought - this is it. Nothing can top this.

But, having to perform CPR on his husband, having to hold him as he slipped away in his arms?

That was worse than even his nightmares.

At least, worse than the nightmares from before. His nightmares now are filled with that night, except this time, TK is already gone before Carlos gets to him. Every night, Carlos clutches his cold body to his chest, and every night he startles awake with tears on his face, fresh ones appearing when he catches sight of the empty space next to him in bed.

He’d sleep at the hospital if he could, but apparently there are restrictions surrounding the ward TK’s been placed in. Carlos doesn’t really understand it and the nurse had looked apologetic when she’d explained, but that’s just the way it is, Mr. Strand-Reyes.

He hates it, but there’s nothing he can do, save for being there as often as he can. He’s spent almost every waking hour at TK’s bedside ever since it happened, and it’s been excruciating.

It’s been four days, TK awake and lucid for three of them, but he hasn’t said a word. Carlos has tried getting him to talk, Owen too, but he just won’t. It’s wearing on them all, and Carlos has begun to hate the sound of his own voice, though he infinitely prefers it to the crushing silence that otherwise envelopes the room. He talks about anything he can think of - work, their friends, the soccer game playing on the television even though TK hates sport. The only topic he avoids is the future, because none of them have any idea what that future looks like anymore.

The doctors won’t even tell them when TK might be allowed to leave. Carlos gets it, he does, but it kills him inside. 

He just wants TK to be okay.

“I’m sorry that you found me.”

Carlos’s head snaps up, eyes wide as he looks at TK. His voice is empty and rough from disuse, his gaze turned blankly to the ceiling, but he - he spoke, which is something Carlos has been praying for for days.

“I’m not,” Carlos says softly, hardly daring to breathe for fear of upsetting whatever it is that’s caused this change. He reaches out hesitantly to caress TK’s face and is rewarded when he doesn’t flinch away, though Carlos isn’t sure that TK even registered the touch.

“You weren’t supposed to. No-one was.”

Carlos feels those words like a punch to the gut and he can’t help the gasp that escapes his lips, nor the tears that begin to obscure his vision. He’s done his fair share of crying over the past few days, but now he just wipes his eyes impatiently, desperate to keep talking.

“You’re going to be okay, TK.” He forces a wobbly smile, moving his hand to TK’s hair. “You’ll be home before you know it, and everything will be okay, you’ll see.”

“You can’t promise that,” TK fires back, an edge to his voice that wasn’t there before. Then, just as quickly, he deflates, all the life going out of him again. “I’m so tired of feeling like this, ‘Los.”

Carlos’s already shattered heart breaks a little more, choking back a sob as he searches his husband’s face. “Then we’ll help you get better,” he asserts, trying to sound strong, like the rock TK needs him to be. “Me, your dad, the team - we’ll all help. I promise.”

TK slowly shakes his head. “I don’t want to get better. I don’t want to have to start all over again.” He curls up, turning on his side until his back is to Carlos, Carlos’s hand falling away to the mattress. 

TK’s next words are muffled by the pillow, but they seem to echo around the room, lodging deep in Carlos’s chest.

“I just want it all to stop.”

And, when the silence returns, Carlos doesn’t try to get rid of it. There’s nothing left for him to say that means anything; nothing left for him to do, except watch over his husband, and hope that they can make it through this.

He’s not ready to let go yet.

[justapoet]

if you never bleed, you're never gonna grow (and it's alright now)

TK needs to talk to his team about Alex, too. But, he isn't used to talk about such a painful past and, even if he was, he was never used to have someone to listen to it.

read it on Ao3

As a kid, TK would imagine how his life would be when he became an adult. Sometimes he would create stories about how he got famous, pretend to be giving interviews, speeches, or even telling his mirror how he had met the love of his life. Sometimes he would be a politician, but one that's good and really cares about people and all the minorities. Sometimes he would be an actor, and he would have his Oscar speech on the tip of his tongue ― sometimes, he would even pretend to be acting, creating stories, and even crying to give it emotion.

Sometimes ― most of the times, as he grew up ― he would be a hell of a firefighter, just like his father. He would have a stable relationship with some kind of man that came from storybooks and loved him despite all of his demons, a good house, a dog, and a lot of stories to tell everyone.

Somewhere between his childhood and youth, all of those stories he used to dream about ― all of those universes where he was a hero, a good man ― became darker. He stopped imagining he would be great, good, or even someone ― his mind began to create futures where he was less sad. Not glorious, not happy nor settled down; just a little less miserable and a little soberer.

When he first started working with his father, he thought he could handle it better. The way Owen talked about his crew, about how they were all a family, gave him hope that maybe he could walk through all of his monsters and personal hell and make it out alive.

He almost didn't, though.

The crew he had on New York was good ― they were all true badasses, for real ― but they never felt like a safe space for him to feel secure telling them everything they've been through. They never knew about his drug addiction or about his overdose when he was nineteen, let alone how he spent years struggling over relationships and his precarious mental health.

TK's twenty-three years old self wouldn't believe if he'd been told there was a possibility of a great future halfway across the country, on a new state, on a new station, and with another team. He could barely make himself believe it right there when they were all sitting in Ryder's living room, laughing over something Charles Vega had said.

It was a day off, a week after Alex's appearance. TK hadn't spoken to anyone but Carlos and Owen about his past with the man in New York, but no one on the team had even mentioned the accident or what TK had said that morning, and for that, he was immensely thankful to each one of them.

It had been a hard week inside of his head, dealing with his thoughts and constant spirals. Talking to Carlos and Owen had made him feel better, indeed, but reliving the facts made it way too fresh in his memory ― and the pain came back a few days later in his sleep. He had had a nightmare, something more like a memory, of one of the worst days when he had fallen over a cup or bowl ― he couldn't remember ― and got a nasty cut on his back, a few in his arm.

TK had woken up crying, screaming for him to stop ― and promising he would never cheat on Alex, how ironic ― and feeling the sting on his back on the same place the piece of glass was buried. He clearly remembers how Alex had panicked after seeing the blood, probably realizing that he had left some kind of proof of what he'd done, and hated himself for believing the man and apologizing later for the bowl and the headache.

The scar wasn't what hurt him the most, though. The words Alex had said that night, on the other hand, were able to make him fall into pieces all over again ― not because Alex had yelled them, but because TK believed each one of them. And he hated so much the way he had let himself get to that point.

TK didn't know if Carlos was sleeping or was trying to when he woke up that night. All he knew is that Carlos held him close, his hand making patterns over TK's chest in a try to give him some comfort, some peace. Somehow, it was easy for TK to tell Carlos what had happened and even more for him to fall back asleep.

The next time the two of them made love with each other, TK felt a sweet kiss over the scar on his back.

It didn't happen again that week nor the next one, and TK felt it was okay to talk to the team. If he had nightmares after that, he would deal with it, and postponing didn't sound nice under those circumstances. He didn't want to think about it more than necessary, and he knew that this team ― this family ― would offer him a hand, not just a hope with which he could choose to hold or to end it all.

Tommy, Grace, Charles, and Carlos had been laughing together about some weird call Grace had got on her last shift while Paul and Judd were competing on a game TK didn't know. From the other side of the living room, TK could see Mateo and Marjan giving Buttercup some of the snacks over the table. Owen was watching them from the kitchen, wondering how long they would think they were being subtle.

TK wasn't talking a lot, lost in his own thoughts for a while. He was pressed against Carlos, almost laying on his boyfriend's lap but not quite; his back was pressed against Carlos' side, his legs stretched over the empty couch and his arms over his stomach. He was happy to hear whatever Carlos had to say, his voice being some kind of anchor, his laugh sounding like TK's favorite song.

The man softly smiled when Carlos laughed again, the hand around TK's body making circles over the paramedic's chest. If TK had to choose something, the way Carlos would always make tiny things, so TK knew his boyfriend was conscious of his presence, no matter what he was doing, was the most caring thing between the two of them. TK almost purred to the touch, happy to be in such a peaceful place.

His smile crumbled down as he felt his courage slipping away, his stomach twisting to the thought of breaking that lightweight harmony all over the room with his past traumas. Suddenly, all the words TK had been gathering during the week to tell everyone vanished from his mind. He felt his breath getting stuck inside his throat while his eyes lost focus and got blurred by another spiral of thoughts. Under his palm, Carlos could feel TK's heart racing, and he interrupted himself mid-sentence to look at his boyfriend.

"Babe?" he called in a low tone of voice, noticing when the three other people he was talking to looked at TK as well. The hand TK had holding Carlos' forearm was clutching firmly to his flesh, the paramedic's knuckles in an uncomfortable shade of white because of the strength he was giving the grip. "Sweetheart, hey," the cop called again, the tight grip on his arm not stopping his movements over his boyfriend's chest.

Read the rest on Ao3

[glowyjellyfish]

Turns out the Food Market screenshots didn’t disappear, they were saved in the general Storytelling folder and not the Neighborhood>Storytelling folder. Why? Who knows! My other community lot screenshots saved in the regular folder just fine! I got pretty frustrated with it, experiencing this plus a “crash for no reason during Change Appearance, and I really mean no reason I checked the CC the game just wanted to reload for half an hour” on two separate nights this week, but at least I figured that much out. I’m hoping that loading CAS before going into residential lots and changing appearance might make a difference, CAS might load everything better.

But the good news: I have pictures of the Food Market, the Baldwin home, and the Broke family!

Is there a good default for the community lot phone? Other than that, I like how you can see the aqueduct and the Church in the background!

Down here, we see another view on the meat stand, and there’s a cheese stand nearby.

The register table in the far corner, as well as a couple of benches, a pair of outhouses, and a jester stand to entertain the customers.

A couple of Vendor stalls--herbs and spices, and assorted fruits, crops, and foraged goods. I’m planning to reduce the number of vendors as the economy gets going and sims are able to supply their own grown products, but for now I just want to be sure they can buy the food they need.

And the far right, empty market stalls, intended for goods our grocers may purchase from other sims directly.

Whew! I’m so glad I found those. Although I had about a million shots of similar angles.

I’m pretty happy with the Baldwin home, although I do not consider it totally finished:

It’s a little bit similar to the Patel home in general layout, although with a strict theme and identical restrictions at the yeoman level that’s hard to avoid. I went with a darker wood tone on this lot, though, and wanted a striking contrast with white plaster.

The living room. I’m finding it really tough to figure out appropriate furniture for yeomen, which might be why I struggled to spend enough on the Patel home. I think this is satisfactory, though.

The kitchen, featuring the checkbook they’ll be using once they get the Hedge Tavern up and running. (I couldn’t find any guidelines on how much the hedge tavern is supposed to cost, so I will wing it. But they’ll have plenty with Carlos’ money, and send the rest to the church.)

Upstairs, in the common bedroom that’s for Carlos, Sofia, and Marcus when he ages up, and any future children once they’re out of toddlerhood.

The “private” bedroom, for a given value of private. This is for Isabel and Benjamin, and all babies and toddlers in the family.

Outside, a simple garden. They have radishes, leeks, cabbage, and carrots. Mostly I just wasn’t sure what to do with the outside, and figured it couldn’t hurt to have them try to sustain themselves. They will not be allowed to sell their produce, except maybe directly to a grocer. I... suspect I started them on too large a lot (it’s 2x3, and they don’t have a home business so it should probably be 2x2 instead), but it’s okay.

Because they own the hedge tavern, I gave them a few apple trees (and a juicer!) with the idea that it at least represents brewing their own cider. I may have made apples too common, but I don’t think sims care about supply and demand. Also pictured: the outhouse.

And a stash of extra kegs from the tavern. I’m planning to add more decor, mainly outside, if they have money left after constructing the tavern.

And at long last, the Broke family!

Brandi Broke, looking... fairly stunning if I say so myself. I wanted to keep her pink theme, and it worked out pretty well. She is going to want to secure herself a new husband as quickly as she can, but for now Dustin’s officially the man of the house.

Dustin Broke, mid-tantrum about being poor. Not coming off well regarding manliness, bud. It is unlikely he’ll be allowed to marry Angela--he’s a peasant, she’s a yeoman, and she’s first-born so prefers to marry up, but if they’re well suited for each other their parents might be willing to consider it.

And Beau Broke, with shaggy hair that may one day grow long, and a simple toddler shift outfit. I must say, I’m looking forward to remodeling the Broke house--eventually--as it’s already a pretty good shape for a peasant hovel. I just need to eliminate the foundation, make it only two rooms, and dress it up.

For a little more update, I have decided that the sensible thing to do with traits is start by passing them out to the sims who are obvious, (ie, make the Curious brother supernatural fans, make Cassandra a hopeless romantic, etc), and then randomize the rest, rather than try to research every sim’s personality or make wild guesses. I didn’t realize the randomizer is smart enough to take sims’ personalities and aspirations into account, so it should give good results.

...oh, and Loki is gonna be Evil. He might be the only premade sim that definitely qualifies for that.

I have seven more lots to build/remodel in Belladonna Cove, minimum, and 53 households to makeover before I can consider actually playing. Hooray?

[blush-and-books]

So... Who is Lauren?

Last night, in this post, I teased an OC that I came up with. Well, here she is.

TW: Depression, death

Lauren Harris is my OC for Julie and the Phantoms in the future - where Carlos is still into the supernatural. He often goes out and searches for ghosts to befriend or help, because that’s just the kind of guy he is.

He’s sixteen when Lauren appears. 

She’s shy, and a little newer to the afterlife. She’s only been dead for about a year. Carlos can’t see her but he feels her everywhere they go, and she’s the only one who sticks around. A lot of the ghosts that Carlos meets want to poof around and explore their second life - but not Lauren. 

She wants to have roots again. She barely had them when she was alive.

Lauren died of a freak electrical accident in her household when she was seventeen. However, she had dealt with depression for most of her teen years and experienced some isolation when in public settings. When she meets Carlos, he’s kind and funny and wants to know all about her and her life. A part of her doesn’t know how to process it. 

And all that Carlos knows is that he’s got a sweet ghost on his hands who had a hard life before she died, but who wants to have a purpose in her afterlife. So they become close.

When Julie calls home and talks to Carlos, he always recounts adventures that he and Lauren went on. Julie grows concerned that her younger brother is getting too attached - but she’d be a hypocrite if she said it out loud. So she sits and listens to him tell her all about a ghost who stays up late into the night talking to him, plays video games with him, and makes him happy. 

Eventually, Julie comes to realize that Carlos and Lauren are her and Luke 2.0. Seemingly even more doomed and more impossible, since Carlos can’t even see Lauren. 

She's not one to judge, obviously; but she's always worried about Carlos getting hurt. The afterlife is a game designed for those who play to lose. 

But when she comes home for a weekend and Carlos is watching a movie on the couch, and Julie spots a girl curled up next to him, she wonders if he got a girlfriend and didn't tell her. 

"Jules!" He jumps up, and runs to give her a quick hug. "Can you see her? Lauren said she was here."

 Oh. 

It’s funny how that’s the first thing out of his mouth - something about Lauren. The ghost girl who has captured his thoughts. 

Julie’s eyes trail to the girl, Lauren, who is now on her feet in the living room and twisting her fingers in her hands anxiously. Julie can't help but feel her whole face soften as Lauren finally looks up, and sends her a little wave.

 "You're Carlos' sister. He's told me a lot about you," she says. Her voice is shy. “It’s really nice to finally meet you.”

"I can see her," Julie nods to Carlos, and then addresses the ghost. "It's nice to meet you too, Lauren. Carlos talks about you all the time." The final nail in the coffin - no pun intended - is that when Julie says that, Lauren's face twists into a hopeful smile, and her eyes flicker to Carlos, longing and kind and with the light glimmer of tears.

It’s a deeper bond than Julie could ever imagine for her little brother - but she knows the feeling. And it’s nice to know that Carlos has someone to love him, impossibly, so much. 

[howtosingit]

My random thoughts:

Your ramble post of theories + the fandom speculation chatter in the tags have me stressed AF. I AM HERE FOR ALL OF IT. 🙌🏾

Owen and I have different opinions on what it means to recover from surgery.  🤦🏽‍♀️

This is going to be a great story to tell the kids/grandkids. LOL

I feel some type of way about TK and Carlos having an argument over their dads because those two have been less than stellar this season. Lol. But despite their complicated relationships, it’s obvious TK + Carlos love and respect their dads so it is totally in character. I can also see them agreeing to not let their outside family drama impact their relationship post-fire. 💜

I'm really excited about the arson storyline, despite the Owen-focus. (Resignation helps when watching this show lol). The storyline looks to be giving us more Reyes family appearances and I can't complain about that. Give me Andrea and TK lovingly fussing over a recuperating Carlos please! *manifesting* 

How do you feel about the pacing when it comes to the season so far? We have 4 episodes left in this season, so I'm guessing the arson plot is going to take up about 2-3 episodes at least? It feels like we're getting some of their best stuff here towards the end (which no complaints here), it just feels a bit rushed to me? The show doesn’t do a great job of keeping us aware of a timeline so, at times, it feels like things are just happening back to back. I also try to forget we spent seven episodes on that baby storyline. 🙄

I'm very interested to see where the characters end up at the end of this season, given that season 1 ended with no cliffhangers and everyone in a relatively ok place. I wouldn’t mind that again, given the rollercoaster they’re about to take us on. Sorry for the long ask, lots of rambling going on in my head too! 😂

Sonia! I’m sorry that I received this ask on Friday and then totally dipped for the weekend 😂 I was sick for a day and then just decided to take a little break, but I wanted to make sure I answered this!

I’m excited that it finally feels like the show is doing a multi-episode arc that may involve a number of characters and specifically will involve Tarlos. I think it has the potential to be a really good string of episodes, even if it will be Owen-centric (and like you said, I’m resigned to that fact). I feel like tonight we might just get the one Tarlos scene, but I’m not going to complain since I imagine they’ll play a huge role in 2x12. Let’s see how the show sets it all up!

And yes to more of the Reyes family! I have to say, we are actually seeing way more of them than I ever expected after 2x04, especially if they’re going to be in 2x12 as well - it makes me incredibly happy that the two characters who were created for Carlos (and I guess, in a way, Tarlos) get to play such a major role on the show this year. That level of investment is all I’ve wanted for the character, so I’m glad we’re seeing it. I’m manifesting that Andrea/TK content right there with you, but I’m also keeping my hopes in the basement where they belong! 😂

I think the pacing has been a mess this year and I have to say... I place all the blame on Gwyn and how the writers chose to use her. Like, I think even they got bored with that baby plot right after they introduced it, or they didn’t know where exactly they wanted to take it?? Anyway, it dragged and it took up too much time and it’s the one thing I would delete from this season if I could. 

But no, it definitely feels like now that they got rid of Gwyn, the writers are much more focused and driven with the 2B plots. 2x08 was quite a game changer in a lot of ways: I think they realized that they do have the potential to be more focused in their writing and in their story choices. A lot of times, the episodes can feel like random collection of calls and stories that are tenuously held together with Scotch tape... but 2x08 connected everything with amazing results, and that’s kind of continued with 2x09 and 2x10 - they even carried the ice cream shop through the episode. There will always be some random stuff here and there, that’s just the type of show this is, but I hope the writers will challenge themselves more in the future. I mean, this arson plot already feels pretty focused and connected, so let’s see how that goes. 

[bellakitse]

Preschool Blues

“Papa, do I really have to go to school?” Luca asks in a small soft voice. “Can’t I stay here with you and Dada?”

It's their son's first day at school and Carlos and TK have to reassure him it's going to be okay.

* Written for Lone Star Week Day 5 - Back to the Future

Carlos is in the kitchen working on breakfast – animal shape waffles and fruit – for the big day. He can hear TK and Luca in their little boy’s bedroom down the hall. He smiles as he bites into an elephant waffle when he hears his son let out a shrieking laugh, followed by running. Coming out of the kitchen, he walks into the living room just in time to witness the commotion first hand.

“Luca, you need to put on clothes!” he hears TK exclaim.

It’s followed swiftly by a loud ‘No clothes’ proclamation from their four-year-old.

Luca runs into the living room; luckily, he doesn’t notice him yet in his effort to escape his dad trying to dress him. He lets out a surprised yelp when Carlos comes up behind him, swooping him up in his arms before he runs any further.

“Papa!” he lets out in a loud voice, still too small to always remember inside voices.

“Good morning, mi corazon,” Carlos greets him, juggling him in his arms he smiles when Luca lets out an excited laugh as he clings to him. He gives his son a loud kiss on the cheek, blowing a raspberry into his neck that makes Luca shriek again, squirming around as it tickles him.  “Are you being difficult for Dada?”

TK bursts into the room with a small denim blue button shirt clutched in his hand. He’s breathing heavy, and Carlos is amused by the fact that a healthy, energetic firefighter who goes into burning buildings and carries adults on his shoulders all the time can get winded from running around after a four-year-old boy.

“How’s it going?” Carlos asks sarcastically, grinning when TK shoots him a dirty look.

“Your son doesn’t want to wear a shirt on his first day of preschool,” TK complains, walking towards them with his hands on his hips. “I blame you for this.”

Carlos looks at Luca in his arms, sharing a smile with the little boy who seems very proud of himself as he rests comfortably on Carlos’ hip. He turns back at his husband with a raised eyebrow. “My fault? How do you figure?”

TK waves his hand at him, giving his naked chest a pointed look. “Who else did he learn to be an exhibitionist from, hmm?

“You’ve never complained before,” Carlos answers, his voice a pitch lower, smirking when TK reacts instantly, his bright green eyes turning a shade darker. “In fact, I distinctly remember you not complaining about my state of undress just last night, Tyler Kennedy.”

TK’s eyes widen at the comment, and Carlos has to bite his lip to keep from laughing at the blush that spreads over his husband’s handsome face. “Carlos Reyes,” he hisses at him. “No, S-E-X-Y talk in front of our child!”

Carlos lets out a loud laugh that is echoed by Luca even though the little boy has no clue what they’re talking about, his father’s amusement is enough to make the boy happy.

“Ugh, I don’t have one kid, I have two,” he grumbles, his face still a pretty pink. He pushes the shirt he’s holding into Carlos’ hand. “Here, you get the privilege of dressing our son. I’ll go finish the waffles.”

“Monkey waffles!” Luca exclaims. “I want the monkey waffles, Dada.”

TK turns to Luca, giving him a serious look. “Let Papa help you with your shirt and stay still while he combs your hair, and you can have monkey waffles and bananas, okay?”

Luca seems to consider the deal for a moment, he looks at the shirt in Carlos’ hand with a small frown and then back at TK. In the end, his stomach wins out over his dislike of shirts, and he gives TK a reluctant nod. “Two monkey waffles, bananas, and chips,” Luca bargains, asking for chocolate chips on top of his breakfast.

Carlos watches, laughing on the inside as his husband and child lock eyes in a battle of wills, he bites down on his lip again when TK lets out a sigh, giving Luca a nod.

“Fine, a spoonful of chocolate chips, but Luca, I want you dressed and nicely combed,” TK warns their son. “We don’t have much time before you have to be at school, and we’re not going to be late on your first day. Okay?”

Luca nods, giving his dad a bright smile that makes TK soften immediately.

“You always get your way, little man,” TK says, leaning in to kiss Luca on the cheek, he kisses Carlos too on the corner of his mouth before heading to the kitchen.

“Come on, let's finish getting you dressed and shining like a brand new penny,” he says, smiling at his boy.

With Luca still in his arms, he heads for the bathroom. He places him on the counter and starts to work on the buttons of the shirt.

“Papa, do I really have to go to school?” Luca asks in a small soft voice. “Can’t I stay here with you and Dada?”

Carlos stops what he’s doing to look at his son, finding his big brown eyes looking at him anxiously. “Are you scared, Nene? Is that why you don’t want to put on a shirt?”

Luca gives him a little shrug, his naked shoulders lifting to his ears.

Carlos puts two fingers under Luca’s chin tipping it upward as he bends at the knee to catch his eyes. “What are you worried about, sweetheart. Talk to me.”

Luca looks away from him for a moment; his small hands grip his pants nervously. Picking at his clothes is such a TK trait, and Carlos feels his heart twist, he doesn’t like to see either of his loves anxious.

“Will you and Dada be here when I come home?” Luca asks. His voice almost a whisper, and if Carlos’ heart twisted before, it almost breaks now at the question.

“Of course,” he rushes to reassure Luca. “Nene, you know that going to school doesn’t mean me or dad are going away or that we’re sending you away, right?”

Luca doesn’t answer, and Carlos feels awful, he’s not sure where he and TK went wrong in explaining school that their son got a false impression of what was happening.

“Luca, school is important,” he starts softly, hoping his tone calms his son’s worries as much as his words. “And yes, you do need to go, everyone goes to school when they’re little like you. It’s so you can learn your numbers and letters.”

“Papa, I know them!” Luca interrupts, making Carlos smile, some of the ache in his chest loosening with Luca’s proud declaration.  

Luca does know his numbers and letters, in English and Spanish. He and TK are ridiculously proud of how advanced Luca already is.

“I know, Nene,” he says kindly, running his hand over Luca’s soft curls. “But there are other things you need to learn that can only happen in school, and it’s not just learning, you get to play games, color, and make new friends. School is great, Luca, and I know you’re going to love it.”

Luca doesn’t say anything; instead, he just bites down on his bottom lip uncertain.

“But more importantly, Luca, no matter what happens at school, today, tomorrow or a week from now. When school is done for the day, you’ll come home to dad and me, always.”

He watches as Luca bites down on his lip a little harder, but it doesn’t hide the way it trembles slightly. “You promise?”

Carlos hesitates for a second; he knows that deep down it’s not a promise he should make, he’s a police officer, and TK is a firefighter, there could very well come a day when one of them doesn’t come home. But he also knows that he and TK will do everything in their power to make sure Luca doesn’t have to experience that. “I promise, baby.”

Luca gives him a look of complete faith that humbles him before he makes grabby hands. He pulls him into his arms, lifting him off the counter as he holds him in a tight hug. “I promise,” he whispers again, feeling his eyes sting when he hears Luca sniffle into his shoulder.

Carlos continues to hug his little boy, probably needing it more than Luca at this point.

“Hey, what’s going on?”

Carlos turns with Luca in his arms to find TK standing at the door, looking at them with a worried frown.

“Luca had a concerned about preschool,” Carlos starts, hesitating for a moment. He knows what he’s about to say will cause TK distress no matter what. “He was worried going to school meant we wouldn’t be here anymore when he’s done with the day.”

TK makes a wounded noise, his eyes going wide as he takes a step forward.

“But I explained to him that we aren’t going anywhere,” Carlos continues quickly, hating the look on his husband’s face. “He understands that neither of us is leaving him. Isn’t that right, Luca?”

Luca lifts his head from his shoulder, turning to look at TK, and Carlos hates that he can see his eyelashes are a little wet.

“Papa promised,” Luca says softly. “You promise too, Dada?”

“Oh sweetheart,” TK breathes out softly, coming forward to press himself on the other side of Luca, holding him close between them. “Of course I promise,” he continues, rubbing his hand up and down Luca’s back. “You’re our boy, our whole world. We’re not leaving you, that’s not what school is about at all. I’m sorry if we did something to make you think that, so sorry.”

Luca goes from Carlos’ arms to TK’s, and Carlos watches as his husband clings to their son as firmly as he did.

TK pulls back to look at Luca, wiping his face with his hand. “Are you okay? Do you have any other concerns you want to tell us?”

Luca shakes his head, his expression more relaxed than before. A small smile appearing on his face when TK kisses his forehead.

“We love you, Luca. You know that, right, sweetheart?”

“Love you too, Dada,” Luca answers TK before turning over to him. “Love you, Papa.”

“I love you, mi corazon, hoy y siempre,” he tells Luca, swallowing around the lump in his throat at the sweet smile Luca gives them.

“Can we finish getting you ready, baby?” TK asks softly, letting out an exhale when Luca calmly gives them a nod. “Good,” TK continues with a smile as they help Luca into his shirt, wash his face, and quickly get his curls under control. “The monkey waffles are done and on the table.”

“Chocolate chips and bananas?” Luca asks excitedly as he remembers.

“I did promise, didn’t I,” TK answers getting a happy woo out of Luca. “Why don’t you go to the table, it’s all cut up, and we’ll be there in a second. Okay, bud?”

Luca gives TK another nod, already racing for the kitchen, the worries and tears of a few minutes forgotten, at least by him. Carlos watches as TK holds it together until Luca is out of the room before he starts to shake. He has his arms around his husband before the first tear rolls down his face.

“How did we miss that?” TK questions, his words slightly muffled by the way he presses his face into Carlos’ neck, much like the way Luca had moments ago.

“TK – “ Carlos whispers his name helplessly, rubbing his back to try and soothe him.

“I should have picked up on it,” TK says desperately. “His social worker and the therapist told us to prepare for separation anxiety when we adopted him.”

“And that was almost two years ago, Ty,” Carlos argues, he’s not going to let TK blame himself for this. “He’s been doing so well; he’s a happy little boy. Please don’t blame yourself.”

“But –“

“No,” Carlos cuts him off firmly. “He had a concern, and he expressed himself, he told one of us what was bothering him, and we reassured him. He’s eating his waffles, and he’s fine. We’ll take him to school, we’ll reassure him again, and he’s going to have a good day. He’s okay, Tyler.”

TK looks up at him with those big green eyes of his; they’re a different color from their son’s brown eyes, but they hit Carlos square in the gut all the same.

“Are you sure?” TK can’t help but ask, concern still shading his expression.

“I’m sure,” Carlos promises, he leans in and presses a kiss to TK’s temple. “He knows he’s loved; you made sure of that.”

“You did,” TK argues, and Carlos can’t help but smile.

“We both did,” he concedes, getting a smile back from TK.

TK cuddles into his frame again, causing Carlos to chuckle gently as he hugs him close. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Carlos murmurs into TK’s hairline, he holds him until they hear Luca call out, telling them he’s going to eat all the monkeys.

“Come on,” he says, pulling back to share another smile with the man he loves. “Let's go before our kid leaves us without breakfast. I don’t know how someone so tiny can pack so much away.”

TK laughs softly, his shoulders finally relaxing as they make their way into the kitchen. They find Luca with a mouthful of waffles, smiling happily when he sees them.

“Are they good, baby?” he asks as he takes a seat next to him. Luca nods.

“And are you ready for an excellent first day of school, Nene?” Carlos questions, he watches as TK holds his breath as they wait for their son to answer.

“We’ll be here waiting for you to come home and tell us all about it,” TK adds on when Luca hesitates.

Luca looks at both of them for a moment before letting out a small brave smile. The trusting look on his face once again humbling Carlos, and he knows TK feels the same. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

[blackswaneuroparedux]

Anonymous asked: As a staunch royalist I would be interested to hear your views about Prince Harry and Meghan Markle deciding to quit the British royal family. Did they do the right thing or are they just being selfish and ‘woke’? Does this ‘Megxit’ the British royal family is in crisis and its future looks bleak by this act of betrayal to the Queen?

Short answer:

I have been avoiding answering this question precisely because I became tired of hearing about it around the family dinner table or with friends when I visited England recently or now with French friends here in Paris who can’t fathom what is going on. But too many have asked about this in my blog inbox.

I don’t mean to sound so dismissive but to me it’s just a passing storm in a tea cup rather than some cataclysmic crisis of the British monarchy. Everyone should stop take a deep breath.

After the joint press statement by Prince Harry and the Duchess of Sussex statement came out on 8 January 2020 it set in motion the usual hilarious pastiche of Cold War Kremlinology by the British press.  So at any one time you had sensationalist and sanctimonious headlines such as the fury of the palace press knew no bounds. How dare they? The Queen humiliated. The palace insulted. And so on and so on.

Every newspaper editor knows there is a yawning gulf between the “public interest” and what interests the public. By any standards, Harry and Meghan have become huge celebrities. They were idolised, their charities blessed, their presence craved. Unfortunately such is human nature, the public invest something of themselves in their heroes. They see in their idols a reflection of their own fantasies and delights, hopes and fears. When they witness celebrities traumatised it can be unsettling, as the death of Princess Diana vividly showed. People cried in the street.

As Harry knew from his mother’s tragic experience, all this is par for the royal course. The British newspapers - or rather those peddling in royal tittle tattle such as the Sun, Mirror, and the Daily Mail - have a habit of erecting pedestals one minute and then the next minute they enjoy destroying the icon in the name of the public interest. Andrew’s former wife, Sarah Ferguson, was appallingly treated. So at times were Princess Anne, and Prince Edward’s wife, Sophie. Press attention should be water off the royal duck’s back. Prince Philip’s advice was reportedly: “Don’t read the bloody papers.”

While Harry was brought up surrounded by the furies of the celebrity media, Meghan’s career was the opposite. In her profession as a known actor (albeit a middling TV actor at that), image is an artifice, daily crafted and laundered by publicists.

This does not work with British royalty, which comes with its own carefully minted image attached. Its rituals are those of mind-numbing deference. It has no accountability. The only mirror it has is the press. The tabloids are the price that must be paid for adulation. They honour no discretion and have no sense of fairness. The press is a memento mori, whispering into the victor’s ear that he – or she – is only mortal. And gosh do they take that role on with sanctimonious glee. 

To be daily compared to the Duchess of Cambridge, from an utterly different social background, must have been intolerable for Meghan: the dress comparisons, the stuffiness of the court, its hyper-caution and obsession with precedence and procedure, added to the impossibility of contact with ordinary people. As a self-made millionaire already perhaps she wanted to be more than a mere civil servant in a tiara. Perhaps it proved too much but who really knows? But then I don’t know what else she expected when she decided to marry into the British royal family.

Similarly one can only speculate how much it was really Prince Harry who wanted to drop out riding on the royal carousel as he has been since birth. Regardless of who he married perhaps this was always the plan. His loathing of the British press and paparazzi is well known - he still blames them for his mother’s tragic death in Paris. It’s well known the paparazzi have tried to catch him out in manufactured scandals as he grew up. He has refreshingly come clean and has talked about how he still goes to therapy over his mother’s death. It’s no wonder he would ever subject a future wife and especially a child to the level of press intrusion that he had endured.

Prince Harry is nobody’s fool. I won’t say a bad word about him because - unlike previous and present royals with the exception of his grandfather, Prince Philip, who did active naval service during the Second World War and his uncle Prince Andrew, who as a naval officer flew Sea King helicopters during the Falklands War - he didn’t play the ceremonial toy soldier. After Eton he worked his arse off to get through Sandhurst and got commissioned with the Blues and Royals regiment. Upon the outbreak of war in Iraq, he was alleged to have said around 2006, “There's no way I'm going to put myself through Sandhurst and then sit on my arse back home while my boys are out fighting for their country.”

As it was the military chiefs got cold feet and pulled him out. But he did see active service with the British forces in Afghanistan with two tours. By all accounts he acquitted himself very well as a Forward Air Controller in Helmand Province and later as a co-pilot and gunner on Apache helicopters. He was widely respected and accepted by rank and file because he was down to earth and never asked for special treatment.  He wasn’t a typical ‘Rupert’ - a squaddie’s nickname given to British army officers who typically came from privileged aristocratic backgrounds but were also ‘nice but dim witted’.

Overall I sympathise that the Sussexes’ predicament was clearly desperate, and it is perhaps to their credit that they have brought it to a head early and not let it drag on. I feel they are sincere in their reasons to ’step back’ from the royal family and frenzied media circus around it. The fact they want to pay their own way and pay back any outstanding sums back to the royal household is perhaps a sign of that sincerity.

Instead some sections of the British press rolled out the tired old trope of the parallels between the Duke of Sussex and his great-great uncle, the Duke of Windsor, are overwhelming. Once again, a dashing, sporting, ex-military prince leaves royal life for the love of an American divorcée. This is exactly the opposite of what Edward and Mrs Wallace Simpson did when they bit the hand that fed them. They took money to support their lavish lifestyle in exile from the Queen and all the while took every opportunity to snark the fledgling young Queen from their own alternative royal court in Paris. Harry no doubt loves his grandmother and his family and would try not sully the Windsor name.

Where I would be critical a little is in their handling of it which appears naive at best and inept at worst. I suspect - since verified - that having a transatlantic split of publicists, and in addition didn’t understand the full import of how this would play out, would inevitably drop the ball. But I would extend a finger of blame to the palace courtiers who were involved in their own games of intrigue with a whispering campaign to selected journalists of the press. Indeed multiple newspapers, including the Daily Telegraph in the UK, reported that the queen was “disappointed” with the surprise announcement, and had asked the Sussexes to hold off on issuing a public statement. When The gossip mongering Sun newspaper published a front-page story that the couple was contemplating a move to Canada, the Sussexes pushed the button on their statement.

I do think the Sussexes  and their advisors were fooling themselves into thinking that they could have their cake and eat it - in other words keep the royal titles but cut back on the public and ceremonial duties. The blunt truth is if you want to stay on the books, you do so by the leave of the firm and its boss i.e. The Queen. The contract is for life. If not, you resign. There is no half in and half out. This seems to have been the gist of the family only summit at Sandringham in January 2020, with media attention worthy of the Treaty of Versailles.

I am frankly surprised how worked up people are about this. Cut out the white noise and the picture is more prosaic.

The first point is that when all is said and done, none of this drama really matters. Politically, constitutionally, it is an irrelevance. Harry, at number six, is not seriously in line to the throne. The British monarchy has long shown itself immune to crisis; indeed I wonder sometimes if it welcomes crises as implying continued importance. The divorce and death of Princess Diana were awfully tragic, as was the very public shaming of Prince Andrew and his questionable friendship with billionaire paedophile Jeffrey Epstein. But how Harry leads his life is between himself, his wife and his father, Prince Charles. That is the point of heredity. It is immune to character, as it is to merit.

The second point is we should remember that other European royal families, of the same constitutional status as Britain, have been down sizing for many years now. These royal families balanced privacy and discretion whilst holding down ordinary professions. The King of the Netherlands, Willem-Alexander, is still an airline pilot. He occasionally flies KLM jets, safe in the knowledge that few people recognise him. In 2001 Prince Haakon, heir to the Norwegian throne, married a single mother with a drug-fuelled past. Despite some controversy, he survived incognito. 

The King of Sweden, Carl XVI Gustaf, has reigned for 46 inconspicuous years as a nine-to-five job, his family merged into the Swedish bourgeoisie. The Crown Princess, Victoria, works intermittently for the UN. The King of Spain, Felipe VI, may have taken after his philandering father, Juan Carlos, but he became king without fuss on his father’s retirement in 2014. None of these “houses” has an extended state-subsidised royal family. None has grown unstable as a result.

There is no doubt that the exploitation of the British royal family celebrity by palace courtiers as PR handlers has worked. The royal family recognises that truth for itself when HRH King George VI famously quipped, “We are not a family, we are a firm”. The Queen is regularly cited as central to “UK plc” and to tourism. The British people remain overwhelmingly in favour of retaining monarchy as the focus of their patriotism, even during the wobble over Diana’s death. Republicanism is dead. The last ostentatious republican, the Fife MP Willie Hamilton, left parliament in 1987. If Scotland ever went independent it would almost certainly retain the Queen as head of state.

As for how royalty behaves, a constitutional monarchy should be beyond all controversy. As the great political and constitutional commentator (and founder of the Economist magazine) Walter Bagehot put it, “the monarch should be a dignified rather than efficient element of the constitution”. In other words, the monarchy as personified in its reigning king or queen can represent the whole nation in an emotionally satisfying way - everything else is but pure embellishment.

The Queen must be a glorious anthropomorphism of the nation as a whole. If she has opinions, she keeps them to herself - much to her credit. The contrast is clear with countries where state headship is combined with an elected executive presidency. The state risks being tainted by partisanship: witness the embarrassment many Americans feel at having their national loyalty identified with any president based on divided partisan feelings e.g. from FDR to Obama and Nixon to Trump.

A rare occasion when the monarch might overstep the mark was conjectured by Mike Bartlett in his ingenious play, King Charles III, in 2014. It was based on the present Prince of Wales as king, refusing formally to sign a bill censoring the press (good on him). In the resulting crisis, William and Kate engineer Charles’s abdication, while the tearaway Harry takes up with a republican girlfriend. It was not wholly implausible. When Belgium faced a similar crisis over King Baudouin’s refusal to sign an abortion bill in 1990, he was allowed to abdicate for a day.

How the monarchy conducts itself is not wholly irrelevant. It is part of the collective context in which the nation’s politics are enacted. It represents tradition and upholds precedent. It sets boundaries and dictates a courtesy in the conduct of public affairs - however often that courtesy is infringed. What outsiders forget (especially our American friends) is that the British political system is gloriously resilient, as the past three years of Brexit hell have shown. It can tolerate the odd eccentricity, such as the blatant purchase of parliamentary seats in the House of Lords. But the question is how far such eccentricity can extend. 

The present heir to the throne, Prince Charles, is deft at stepping mildly out of line. His views on architecture, health and the environment are not overtly partisan. But it does not matter as he is no more “powerful” than a newspaper or television commentator. His influence is that of celebrity. I would rather have the heir to throne engage intelligently in public debate than arrogantly indulge in the sordid sexual antics of his younger brother, Andrew.

For all his perceived faults, Prince Charles knows his limits. To expect such controlled nuances in the constitutional mystique of royalty to apply to an ever larger family has always been an accident waiting to happen. More prescient is the fact that the current system will impose the same disciplines and direct the same public exposure on an ever widening array of royal offspring as the years go by. I feel genuine sympathy for the royal children. Most British minors have their faces blanked out on camera, but not royal ones. They are sentenced to be recognised for life.

As a nation then we are extremely fortunate that Prince Harry is no more militant than in defence of the planet, wild animals and injured military veterans - all worthy causes if we are honest to admit it. Full disclosure: as an ex-veteran, I do give charitable donations to Invictus Games Foundation, the multi-sports event put on for wounded, injured or sick armed services personnel and their associated veterans. Prince Harry was instrumental in founding the Invictus Games in 2014 on his own initiative so that we never forget the courage and sacrifice of our military veterans.

What is already clear is that the Sussexes intend forthwith to redraw the lines of engagement with the press. They are opting out of the Royal Rota, the arrangement whereby, for decades, the royals have given access to a pool reporter from the national papers; instead, they will invite coverage from personally selected media outlets and will use their own social-media accounts, especially Instagram, to communicate directly with the public. Having railed against the media’s commodification of his wife, Prince Harry now seems prepared to take its commodification into his own hands: it was reported in January 2020 that he and the Duchess have lately submitted a trademark application for hundreds of items, from clothing to printed items, that may be issued with the couple’s personal brand, Sussex Royal.

This step is unfortunate and unedifying. To my mind, Sussex is a title, not a brand name. It is no more Harry and Meghan’s to exploit than Buckingham Palace is the Queen’s to sell off. Even if they distance themselves from the monarchy by being financially independent (as well as disowning their titles) by pursuing other commercial opportunities it only takes one scandal - e.g. a goods with their brand made from sweat shop labour or some other unforeseen PR disaster - to reflect badly on the Queen and the British monarchy solely because of Harry’s proximity to the throne. Harry may not be a Prince but he is a Windsor.

We are back to Bagehot again. For it was he who argued that the constitution was divided into two branches. The monarchy represents the “dignified” branch. Its job is to symbolise the state through pomp and ceremony. The government -Parliament, the cabinet and the civil service - represents the “efficient” branch. Its job is to run the country by passing laws and providing public services. The dignified branch governs through poetry, and the efficient branch through prose. The monarchy certainly doesn’t govern through commercial exploitation of its brand as an end in itself.

Today, the dignified branch is trying to adapt to an age of populism and until recently it’s been doing a much better job than the efficient branch. But the monarchy must never lower itself to the lowest common denominator to satisfy the base instincts of populism. As Bagehot aptly said, “An element of exaggeration clings to the popular judgment: great vices are made greater, great virtues greater also; interesting incidents are made more interesting, softer legends more soft.”

A family spat of no public importance is obsessing the nation and the world. Everyone should sit down and have a nice relaxing cup of tea.

[thebipolarbisexualnerd]

Hey!! I have a prompt for tarlos... a college au where Carlos has a girlfriend and he slowly realizes he’s in love with his gay best friend Tk 🤔 idk sounded like a good idea haha

Hope this is okay and not too choppy.  Warning for underage drinking since I don’t picture these guys as 21 yet.  Other than that this is just a little fluff piece I hope you guys like.  

“Who has you smiling like that besides me?” Iris Blake asked with a smirk as she slid into his passenger seat.  Carlos clicked his screen black like he had done something wrong when in reality he was only texting his roommate.  True, it was borderline sexting, but he hadn’t crossed a line and if he showed the messages to his girlfriend she would probably just laugh it off anyways.  

“Just a meme,” Carlos lied far too easily as he tucked his phone back into his pocket.  “You decided to stay in uniform?”

“I know a skirt this short gets your attention,” Iris still wore her smirk as she crossed her legs so that her cheerleader skirt would ride up even higher.  “Plus, what jock doesn’t want to fuck a cheerleader?”

“You act like you have to try to get me to want you,” Carlos told her with a smile as he laid a hand on her thigh gently.  “Does Michelle need a ride?  Is she coming?”

“She’s coming straight from the game,” Iris told him as he slowly pulled away from the curb and headed toward the post-game party.  “How does it feel to finally have that winning shot?  You’ll be point guard next year for sure.”

“It felt pretty amazing,” Carlos admitted as he fought a blush thinking about what those texts had promised him if he managed to score the point guard position.  He had to stop texting his roommate things he should be sending his girlfriend.  He had been with Iris for three months now, and it was good.  She was smart as well as sexy as hell.  She knew how to have fun, but was also a girl he could bring home to meet his parents if need be.  Basketball camp had brought them together right before he had moved in with his new roommate for the year and he tended to wish those two events had been switched up.  It was further complicated since if he ended up hurting Iris he would also offend his best friend.  Tben again, if anyone had seen TK Strand without a shirt they wouldn’t blame him.  Those abs begged to be licked with those tight muscles and pale skin.  He wasn’t a blind man even if he did have a girlfriend.  

He pulled up to the house already bursting with people milling on the lawn and around the backyard by the pool. Carlos could swear he felt the pavement thrum from the bass coming from the house as he got out of his car.  He followed Iris into the house and quickly had a drink pushed into his hand upon arriving.  This was supposed to be the night to celebrate his team, and he planned to enjoy it to the fullest.  

He found his way to the backyard where most of the party goers had congregated.  A pool glistened in the dim lighting as a stereo pounded out music in one corner.  A large group had started dancing in one part of the yard and his eyes locked onto TK almost immediately.  He was dancing with another guy, hips grinding together and of course he had already lost his shirt.  TK’s hands were all over the guy’s chest and neck as he moved his body to the music.  It was definitely indecent and almost obscene, yet Carlos couldn’t tear his gaze away.  He wanted to be the one those hands were roaming over desperately.  He wanted to see miles of pale skin without sharing with anyone else.  

“Your roommate knows how to dance,” Michelle commented as she appeared next to him with her hair pulled up high and a drink in her hand.  “He almost makes me want to join in.”

“Michelle on a dance floor?” Carlos forced himself to stop staring and focus on his best friend.  “That’ll be the day.  He does make it look easy.”

“Iris will drag you out there before long.”  She threw back the rest of her drink and grinned at him.  “Maybe then your eyes can focus where they’re supposed to.”

Carlos flushed a deep red at being caught staring, but Michelle didn’t; seem to be as angry as he would have imagined.  She looked amused more than anything else.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“He’s pretty, anyone with eyes can see that.  You’re bi and you aren’t blind.”  Michelle shrugged but then fixed him with a heavy look.  “If you’re going to switch teams, at least let Iris know first, okay?  He’s gorgeous I’ll give you that, but if you cheat on my sister I will beat your ass.”

“Noted,” Carlos nodded to her and tried to stop staring at the dance floor where TK had switched partners when a new song blasted through the speakers.  

He really wasn’t trying to be a bad person by staring at his gorgeous roommate.  TK was so much more than his looks and Carlos had had no idea until they had roomed together.  He was sweet, kind, and cared so much about his family.  He had demons darker than anything that Carlos had faced, but he still found it in himself to be kind to anyone in his path.  They spent hours watching movies together and they were nearly inseparable at this point.  He hadn’t meant to develop feelings for him, but nonetheless the sight of another guy’s hands on TK was driving him crazy.  

“Well, you made it over here after all,” TK’s drawl brought him out of his thoughts and he snapped his attention to green eyes that sparkled with amusement as the sun quickly set over the horizon.  

“I told you I would,” Carlos defended with a small smile.  “I’m a man of my word.”

“Unless you get distracted by long, pale legs right?” It felt wrong to have TK joking about him hooking up with anyone else, even his girlfriend.  “Good job on the winning shot, Mr. future point guard.  People will be talking about that for the rest of the year.”

Again the texts came back to his mind of what TK had promised he would do if he made point guard for the team.  “Yeah, thanks.”  

A beat of silence fell between them before a song with heavy bass kicked in and TK’s eyes lit up in excitement.  Their eyes met instantly and Carlos knew what his best friend was going to ask before the words tumbled out of his mouth.

“Dance with me?” TK begged, going so far as to tug on his hand.  “I promise I’ll try to behave.”

“The trying is what scares me,” Carlos replied dryly as he let himself be dragged over to the throng of bodies moving.  TK predictably dragged him right to the middle of the group and Carlos could see nothing but those green eyes as he started to dance.  True to his word TK was keeping it rather tame at first with a good few inches between their bodies.  Carlos had seen TK dance with several men since they had met and his usual style was to try to become one person on the dance floor.  TK’s pants were riding low on his hips and Carlos wasn’t sure when his desire to feel that warm skin became an action, but before he knew it he was cupping one of TK’s hips in his hands and pulling him closer.  TK wore a smirk as he took the invitation to close the small distance between them and grind their hips together along to the beat.  Sweat ran down the back of his neck as he gave into his whims and wrapped TK in his arms, able to smell him even above all the other people surrounding them.  TK felt so good in his arms and the more Carlos got of the other man the more he wanted.  He ached to taste that sweet milky skin, but he couldn’t do that to Iris.  He wouldn’t cheat on her no matter how he felt about the man in his arms.  

He darted away from TK halfway through the song, unable to take the temptation.

He knew his roommate would follow him.  He knew TK cared about others far more than he ever cared about himself.  TK cared about him and that was the entire problem.  There was more than just the physical attraction.  They truly cared for one another and that was why Carlos was so confused.  

“Carlos, wait!!” TK called as Carlos darted upstairs and in an instant they were alone in an empty bedroom.  TK watched him carefully as he slowly closed the door so they could have some privacy.   There was a hint of a blush on TK’s pale cheeks and Carlos noticed he had found his shirt in his mad dash to chase after him.  It made it easier to focus with all skin covered up once more.  

“I’m sorry,” TK apologized and his eyes were wide and full of regret.  “I tried not to…  I know you’re with Iris.”

“I am,” Carlos agreed as he slowly sat on the edge of a bed.  His heart was still trying to calm down to a normal rhythm after being so close to the object of his attraction and subject to some dreams he would never admit to while alive.  “I’m not angry at anyone but myself.”

“I know I’m too much of a tease,” TK bit his bottom lip and it sounded like he was rehearsing a line from a movie.  Which meant he was parroting a line from his ex, and that was never good.  “I just….  I mean, there’s something here, right?”

“The dancing wasn’t one sided,” Carlos assured him, unable to get the warm tingling to fade from where his hands had touched TK’s skin.  “You’re smarter than me TK, I know you know how I feel.”

TK’s face went a shade of dark pink at the simple compliment.  “I know you love to watch me dance.  I thought I was imagining it most of the time though.  I’ve been trying not to make it harder for you.”

“Ty,” Carlos used his name rarely, but something about his tone and his words were off here.  He knew Alex had messed with TK’s self worth more than would ever be admitted to.  “You know I like you for so much more than the way you look, don’t you?”

The silence as TK looked off to a corner of the room told Carlos that TK really had no idea how completely beautiful he was that had nothing at all to do with how he looked.  “You mean you don’t want to just sleep with me?”

“I’m falling in love with you,” Carlos got out with his voice shaking and his heart pounding.  “You’re beautiful in every single way.   I just… I like Iris and I wasn’t sure how you felt.  I didn’t know if you would want me.”

“Carlos, you’re a ten,” TK blurted out with wide green eyes staring straight at him.  “Who wouldn’t kill for the chance to be with you?  You’re kind and popular and funny and sweet.  Everyone likes you and I never thought you would want something real with someone like me.”

“We are both blind idiots,” Carlos got up from the bed to step close to TK and take his hand gently.  “I want to kiss you.”

“No arguments here,” TK supplied quickly as his lips quirked up in a smile.  

“I need to have a talk with Iris,” Carlos told him with a soft smile in return.  He kissed TK on the cheek gently with a squeeze to his hand.  “I need to make sure things are okay with her before I can freely move onto something with you.  I don’t want anything with you to be tarnished by something I can prevent.”

“You really want to be with me? The whole deal?  Dating and whatnot?” TK looked shocked that someone could want that from him and it made Carlos’s heart ache that too many people had made TK feel like a plaything instead of like a person to be valued and loved.  

“I can see so much with you Tyler,” Carlos said softly as he brought a hand up to cup TK’s cheek gently and brush over it with his thumb.  “I can hardly wait for us to begin.”

He broke away from TK and knew that while the conversation with Iris wouldn’t be easy, it would be so worth it to have that beautiful boy to be all his. 

[jadedragoness]

Review: Peace Talks

First Read Through Reaction

Now staring off, knowing that the book was essentially part one of two did mean that I went in expecting that there would be plot lines that wouldn’t be resolved. I did NOT expect that nearly zero of the plot lines would be resolved, at all. Yikes. Now, I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy it. I did. But it felt like there were 50 to 60 pages missing that should have been in the story to at least wrap up minor plot lines before heading into ‘Battle Ground’.

Warning: Full of Spoilers

Such the arrival of the Outsiders those Cornerhounds. Um… Outsiders and at no point that Harry wonder why in the hell they were called to Chicago? Or why they were targeting him and Ebenezer. Seriously, unless the author totally forgot we know that Outsiders can only be called by mortals. So human wizards brought them. So was it someone in the ‘Black Council’ or was it the Formor, since we know from previous stories that they grab humans and mind-whammy them and also modify them. And we know that they’ve been pretty focused on grabbing minor practioners for a couple of years now.

Hell, even just knowing why Thomas attacked the svartalf King would have been good to know in the book even if we don’t find out who it was yet.

That being said lets start of with things I didn’t like.

Thing Which I Wasn’t All that Pleased About:

1. Butters in that threesome relationship.

Now, let me explain, it’s not because its a poly relationship. I don’t even twitch over how Justine and Thomas include others in the sexual part of their relationship. It’s because I kept wondering if Marci was even into dudes. As far as I knew she was only into girls. And now she’s suddenly bi?

What the hell?

I think my reaction has a lot to do with how skewed the sexual orientation gradient in shown among Named characters. You have straight men. Straight women. Bi women who are shown to be blatantly into men and women…and that’s it, now.

No lesbian women with zero interest in men. No bi men. No gay men. No asexual characters. No trans characters. No gender fluid people.

I know that this due to the author’s eye and while it hasn’t irritated me much in the past as we keep getting more and more books with more newly introduced characters the lack is becoming more and more glaring to me. Especially, as I have drifted into reading other series that manage to be way more inclusive about this sort of thing in great and amazing ways *sighs happily over Rivers of London series*. And I don’t just mean in passing with random nameless scenery people that never talk which have popped up in the Dresden Files but with actual characters that have names, dialogue and contribute to the series.

So it really, really annoys me that Marci went from being the only lesbian who is a named character to joining the horde of bi women in the DF verse.

Okay, so its not really a Butters issue to much as a grumble about the spectrum of gender and sexually needing better representation.

*grumbles* Step up your game, Butcher.

I will add that I’m head-canoning that actually the relationship here is Butters with Andi, Andi with Butter and Marci, and Marci with Andi. That pretty much with Butters running around being the new Knight Andi didn’t like how her boyfriend wasn’t paying attention and gave Butters the ultimatum of letting Marci in as Andi’s girlfriend or they broke up.

… yeah, I’m totally liking that spin way, way better.

2. That Marcone took forever to show up! ARGH! I love him ok.

Considering how early he was name dropped in the story the amount of time it took him to show up… Jim Butcher is a damn Marcone-tease. *glares hotly in author’s direction*

3. I don’t like it that Murphy is so hurt. I don’t hate it. I think I’m just uneasy about the future implications.

Having reread the entire series before reading ‘Peace Talks’ I fully expected some lingering injury but not to that level. I’m actually worried about her chances of surviving any upcoming battle, and not just in Battle Ground. There’s even more danger coming down the pipeline in future books and she won’t let herself stay ‘safe’ when she could be watching Harry’s back… so its a worrying problem.

Now if she died I have no doubt that her being recruited to be a Valkerie is an option. But then I remembered how those warrior women go out into the world with ‘clients’ and of the two we’ve seen they’ve been attached to ‘monsters’ aka Lara and Marcone.

Unless, the payment isn’t cash and she can be attached to Harry. *hums in thought*

But then I have to wonder how much Murphy would accept that role. She’s also a pretty devout Catholic as this book reminded us so that is also something that would make her say no to the offer.

4. That the younger Wardens who had so looked up to Harry being so damned suspicious… ow. That hurt. I may have teared up and sniffled into a tissue thinking about it. And then sobbed because so much of it came from Carlos… Carlos! The man went into the Deeps with Harry! Ouch.

5. Rudolph… that roach.

Ugh, I’ve had the disturbing thought that now that magic and the supernatural on the path to being exposed to all of humanity, scared humanity too, that will end up with a resurgence of a new Inquisition and the killing of anything eldritch. And you know that Rudolph would definitely be in it. *shudders in disgust* Creep.

BTW I totally don’t believe that Rudolph answers to Marcone. It doesn’t make sense as to why he was so pushy go get Harry during ‘Changes’. I had thought he was answering to the Red Court but with them being taken out of the picture… now I wonder if he isn’t answerable to the Black Council.

Things I Did Not Expect:

1. Damn… when Ebenezer sent that spell through Harry and ‘killing’ I was so shocked even though I was pretty sure there was a twist coming. Mostly because of what it says about Ebenezer.

Ebenezer actions killed Harry.

Sure it was a fake body that brought no harm to the real Harry. But if Harry hadn’t thought ahead? If he hadn’t used his brain to ask Molly to create a fake? Eb would have killed his own grandson.

Sure it was an accident but it could so easy have resulted in a dead Harry. I was crying so hard I wondered if my eyeballs were loosening in their sockets. Argh.

2. Bonea…. Harry your naming skills are simply weird. I’m so glad that Susan named Maggie.

Although Bonnie is a pretty great nickname.

Thinks I Found Utterly Hilarious

1. The line about the best offense being a T-Rex? Gold. Pure gold.

2. When Harry figured out there are angels in the hilt of the Swords of the Cross and Butter’s immediate reaction of horror because he’d accidentally laundered the hilt, giving it a ride in a washing machine.

OMG! I had the instant image of a miniature angel screaming and growing dizzy when going through the spin cycle.

I know that makes no sense but that’s where my mind went, okay.

3. The conjuritis. Omg, it’s so gross with all the ectoplasm leaking from Harry’s nose but it’s sooooo funny. Also the way he kept getting the ‘aren’t you too old for this’ from Ebenezer and then Lara made me giggle even harder.

Then I thought: dude, it’s like chicken pox, something you got as a kid but if you never had it you get it when exposed later in life. So one of his kids has it. Probably Maggie too.

4. When Sanya pretended to have his hand lopped off. I straightened up and was so worried Sanya had lost a hand. Then when I realized he was pretending to freak out Butters and Harry I admit to laughing way too hard. Got me too.’

Also there’s no way that Sanya was actually defeated there. He’s younger and better trained then Butters, I don’t care how light (Heh) the new sword is. He definitely threw that fight to test his hunch.

5. Murphy’s inability to handle being flirted on with a red-headed warrior woman. Sooooo funny. I mean, Murphy could have said a number of things such as ‘I’m exclusive.’ or ‘I’m not interested in women.’ But she just floundered. Heh heh.

6. I continue to find it completely hilarious that Lara, a couple of centuries old vampire, seems to keep learning a lot of power moves from Marcone.

Such as: having trained fighters that are NOT food, well… mostly. Having those mines installed in the walls. And now hiring a Valkerie of her very own.

I keep thinking, yeah, there’s no way she’d win in a fight against Marcone because there’ s no way that Marcone has let slip all of his tricks.

Things I Really, Really Liked:

1. Marcone. Everything Marcone. *heart-eyes*

And then he proves why he’s so damned scary by standing up to the Titan. Then to the ghouls. Then after proving his bad-ass quotient if off the charts he gets everyone organized to fight.

Yeeessss… It proves to me that when it comes to protecting Chicago he is actually the best person after Harry. Hell, in some ways he’s better than Harry. Now, I’m not saying he’s a white knight or anything like that. Just that he has the intelligence, the ruthlessness, the will, the power and the men to provide the most protection to the city’s mortal denizens. At least when there’s a war raging with multiple enemies who will be attacking at various points.

And oh, I can’t wait to see how he’s going to get revenge for the death of his people. Omg, he’s going to kill the Formor so hard. *goes starry eyed thinking about more Marcone*

But why did he have to appear so late in the book?! *wails in a heart-rending fashion*

There better be a ton more Marcone in the next book! *makes desperate gimme gimme hands*

No, I don’t have a Marcone addiction… I can stop anytime I want to. *sneaks off to mainline some “Even Hand” straight into the brain*

2. The return of Goodman Grey! Oh, I hope he’s around a lot! I’ve really grown to like him.

<b>Things Which Blew My Mind or Were Just Freaking Awesome: </b>

1. Dad!Harry is actually the most amazing Harry. Forget the magic flinging and the fire storms… this is the best Harry.

Just the way he takes care of his kids…. *turns to mush like ectoplasm*

2. Murphy and Harry are finally together! Yay! Yay! Hip hip hooray!

Now, I’m a rather shameless Marcone/Dresden fic writer, but as I never ever expect this to be canon I’m content to write it as fanfic for my own sense of delight. However when it comes to canon I’m full on board with the Karrin and Harry relationship. Be it friendship or romantic, I think its great.

3. Marcone… that is all.

Random Speculation

1. I find myself wondering about Ebenezer’s rage against vampires. And my brain muttered this theory: Maybe Harry’s grandmother was killed by White Court vampires.

Whoa.

It would explain the vitrolic rage.

And if Lara was involved it would also explain her flash of shame.

We don’t know anything about Harry’s grandmother, not even her name. So… that’s a thought.

2. River Shoulders teaching Harry.

Oh man, oh man, I hope Harry learns shape-shifting.

And thinking about it I had to wonder if the animal-shifting had anything to do with knowing the animal in question which of course made me think…

Harry should learn to shape-shift into a T-Rex.

He already knows how one is put together and the mind of one. And he knows that it’s possible to add extra mass to a shift from the Nevernever in the form of ectoplasm… so

Harrysarous Rex, baby…. I may have to write a fic with this premise.

3. Oh, if it’s possible to make a ectoplasmic body can Harry learn to make one for Bonea? After all Maggie would probably really enjoy getting to play with her little sister that way. Even if Harry can’t do it all the time and it wouldn’t last longer than a day. That would be delightful.

4. Okay, not this is more head-canon than speculation but… considering how hard Harry has been made to be analogous to Merlin I can’t help but wonder if Marcone is suppose to be Arthur’s analogue. So wielding Amorrachius *coughs*Excalibur*coughs* would make sense.

…it’s not just my Marcone-love talking dammit.

Speaking of Merlin, I’m convinced that he’s behind this whole ‘starborn’ thing. Seriously, otherwise its way too convenient that a wizard with that power is born every 666 years. It smacks of a spell.

And if that’s the case it also feeds into my pet theory that the whole reason we have Outsides at the Gates is because Merlin was the schmuck who drew them to our reality in the first place. And everything surrounding the war with the Outsiders are his attempts to try to fix what he broke.

*lost in pondering thoughts*

Things I Have Questions About

1. Did Harry forget he has The Ways Map from his mother? I would have thought he would have figured out a way (heh) to get to the island somehow. He was on it for so long I thought for sure he’d spend time exploring it. Also we knew from ‘Skin Game’ that even tiny factors can change where the Way goes in the Nevernever. I doubt the ENTIRE island has Ways that lead to a bad place. Especially for Harry now that he’s the Warden.

2. Also why didn’t Harry get Lea to help him? After all unless she’s moved it since ‘Changes’ her garden is still on the other side of the sub-basement.

3. What did Lara use that first favor from Mab on? *eyes her suspiciously*

4. Where are the Za Lord’s Guard? *wondering about what been happening with Lacuna and Toot-toot*

5. If Harry gets kicked out of the White Council (good riddance, since they haven’t exactly been all that helpful lately) can he get enough signatures to be added as a member of the Accords in his own right? After all being Warden of Demonreach has got to mean a lot to the older members.

Then he wouldn’t be reliant on Mab’s protection.

I can’t help but hope this proves to be the case, especially if in ‘Battle Ground’ Harry ends up taking down that Titan. Because he needs as much protection and influence he can gather if he’s no longer White Council to protect himself, his people and his kids. Especially if he eventually gets rid of that Winter Knight mantle like I hope he does.

6. How in the hell (pardon the pun) did evil demon Sasquatch survive being turned to mush by Hade’s Ice Gate? Or the shades that were part of the security system that almost got Harry?

*frowns* The only reason I can think of would be the coin of Ursiel being the factor. I doubt a Fallen Angel is allowed to stick around in the Greek realm of the afterlife.

7. WHERE IS BOB?! Seriously, if Butters doesn’t give him back...

[dogfearing]

CHARACTER STUDY :

LAYER 001 :   THE OUTSIDE

NAME  :    carlos oscar de vil EYE   COLOUR  :      brown HAIR   STYLE   /   COLOUR  :      he  has  bleached  his  hair  since  he  was  on  the  isle ,   after  meeting  evie  and  occasionally  visiting  dizzy  at  curl  up  and  dye  during  their  closing  hours  with  her ,   and  would  usually  just  let  his  dark  roots  grow  in  until  the  next  time  they  stop  by.  in  auradon  he  eventually  decides  to  pay  more  attention  to  the  roots  and  decides  to  stick  to  the  two  tone  style  and  starts  to  have  it  styled  with  what  is  similar  to  low  lights ,   exept  the  streaks  are  just  his  natural  hair  colour  with  silver  highlights  and  semi  perm      -      he  experimented  with  straightening  it  but  usually  just  leaves  his  natural  curls  as  they  are ,   both  for  style  and  practicality.   HEIGHT  :    5′8″ CLOTHING   STYLE  :      while  he  knows  how  to  put  a  nice  outfit  together ,   and  has  a  fair  knowledge  of  fashion  through  listening  to  his  mother  and  evie ,   it  isn’t  a  big  priority  of  his  !!  he sticks  to  a colour pallet  of  blacks ,   reds ,   whites ,   and  greys ,   but  predominantly  black.  in  auradon  he  wears  lots  of  sweaters  and  hoodies ,   because  he  likes  to  dress  for  comfort ,   but  he  has  a  good  collection  of  leather  jackets  which  he  sometimes  wears  too.  he  almost  always  has  ripped  black  skinny  jeans ,   and  invested  in  a  pair  of  doc  martens  which  he  wears  almost  every  day.  layers  are  a  big  staple ,   especially  a  crisp  white  shirt  underneath  a  nice  sweater.       BEST   PHYSICAL   FEATURE  :      his  smile  and  his  hair !!

LAYER 002 :   THE  INSIDE

FEARS  :      his  mother ,   dogs  that  he  isn’t  familiar  with  ( although he’s volunteering at a shelter and working hard on this ) ,   failure ,   losing  his  friends ,  small  enclosed  spaces ,   ending  up  alone  in  general !!   

BIGGEST   PET   PEEVE  :      when  people  cut  him  off  while  speaking  or  talk  over  him ,   or  being  ignored. also  people  being  cruel  to  animals ,   and  people  picking  on  those  smaller  /  weaker  than  them !! 

AMBITIONS   FOR   THE   FUTURE  :     it  might  seem  out  of  character  from  someone  with  as  much  motivation  to  succeed ,   but  he  really  just  hopes  to  be  able  to  slow  down  and  enjoy  the  smaller  things  in  life.  he  wants  to  find  peace  and  contentment ,   to  feel  truly  happy  with  his  life  and  to  be  surrounded  by  his  best  friends  ( who  are  hopefully  also  happy ). in  a  more  specific  sense ,   he  has  decided  to  become  a  vet  and  is  working  very  hard  towards  that ,   but  helping  people  wherever  possible  is  a  constant  goal  in  the  forefront  of  his  mind.  he  would  also  like  to  do  anything  he  can  to  see  a  better  standard  of  life  for  those  still  on  the  isle ,   starting  with  medical  care.    

LAYER 003 :   THOUGHTS

FIRST   THOUGHTS   WAKING   UP  :    between  recurring  nightmares ,   a  very  bad  sleeping  schedule ,   and  late  nights  studying ,   he  is  often  very  groggy  and  slow  in  the  morning.  his  first  thought  is  usually  along  the  lines  of  coffee.  now.   and  then  on  to  feeding  and  walking  dude ,   while  organizing  all  of  the  things  he  wants  to  get  done  that  day  in  his  head. WHAT   THEY   THINK   ABOUT   MOST  :    carlos  struggles  with  anxiety  and  his  mind  is  a  stressful  and  constant  flow.  however ,   at  the  forefront  of  his  mind  is  always  the  importance  of  being  kind  to  others. WHAT   THEY   THINK   ABOUT   BEFORE   BED  :    all  of  the  embarrassing  things  he  said  that  day ,   what  he  could  have  done  differently / better ,   what  he  needs  to  get  done  tomorrow. WHAT   THEY   THINK   THEIR   BEST   QUALITY   IS  :      for  a  long  time ,   his  kindness  and  the  depth  of  care  and  love  he  feels  has  been  a  weakness  or  a  vulnerability  to  carlos.  now  it  is  his  biggest  strength  and  the  things  he  likes  most  about  himself.

LAYER 004 :   WHAT’S BETTER ?

SINGLE   OR   GROUP   DATES  :    he  has  never  been  on  a  date ,   but  a  double  date  seems  like  something  he  would  feel  more  comfortable  with  being  able  to  handle  at  first !!   TO   BE   LOVED   OR   RESPECTED  :  respected.  he  often  has  to  remind  himself  that  the  people  he  cares  about  love  him  very  much ,   but  at  his  core  this  is  something  he  trusts.  he  would  really  like  for  more  people  to  respect  him. BEAUTY   OR   BRAINS  :      carlos  isn’t  very  vain.  he  appreciates  intelligence  in  others  and  finds  it  very  attractive  on  its  own ,   so  while  he  has  crushed  on  people  based  on  appearance  before ,    he  prefers  an  intellectual  person. DOGS   OR   CATS   :   both !!

LAYER 005 :   DO THEY...

LIE  :      he  tries  his  absolute  hardest  not  to  lie ,   even  to  himself ,   but  everyone  tells  the  odd  little  white  lie. BELIEVE   IN   THEMSELVES  :      not  as  much  as  he  should. BELIEVE   IN   LOVE  :      wholeheartedly. WANT   SOMEONE  :      he  hates  being  alone  but  he  is  learning  to  enjoy  his  own  company ,   and  he  would  rather  be  on  his  own  than  in  the  wrong  relationship  for  him.

LAYER 006 :   HAVE  THEY...

BEEN   ON   STAGE  :      no ,   and  he  would  not  look  forward  to  doing  so. DONE   DRUGS  :      no.   CHANGED   WHO   THEY   WERE   TO   FIT   IN  :      he has  tried ,   but  being  unauthentic  doesn’t  work  for  him.

LAYER 007 :   FAVOURITES

FAVOURITE   COLOURS  :      red. FAVOURITE   ANIMAL  :    even  tie  between  cats  and  dogs ,   but  anything  cuddly. FAVOURITE   BOOK  :     he really  loves  classics ,   and  also  a  good  murder  mystery. FAVOURITE   GAME  :      the  one  that  was  set  up  in  the  dorm  room  he  shared  with  jay ,   it  was  so  much  more  technologically  advanced  than  he  had  ever  dreamed  of. he  also  kicks  ass  at  mario  cart.

LAYER 008 :   FINISH  THE  SENTENCE

I LOVE  :     my  friends. I FEEL  :      tired. I HIDE  :    snacks. I MISS  :      my  friends. I WISH  :     i was  brave.

TAGGED   BY  :     @boycrowned  thank  you  <3 TAGGING   :   @griimhilde     @wiltedthrone     @tiderider​     @notgrumpy​     @malevlnt​     @chrmiing​  !!