#regardless... i gotta get back to research stuff

[celestialmancer]

...Highkey was not. Expecting this one ramble I wrote of Ishtar to end up digging into some really personal vulnerabilities around my own.

...But. After several months of wanting to start opening the doors to rambling on these things (& chickening out) I finally. Got things down.

[laswells-ashtray]

Rem... I gotta know. How do YOU think the codverse people would react to someone who's chronically ill? Be it a friend, a teammate or a partner. I feel like they'd be torn between wanting to be helpful but not absolutely coddling them. How would they feel if they just realised one day what was happening because they were never told?

(Inspired by meeting a new GP and going to shake his hand only to have my elbow make the most awful grinding/cracking sound because I'm hypermobile and my joints just do weird stuff, this poor absolute sweetheart older man looks so very concerned and says "That is not correct" in the deepest Russian accent and damn it if that's not Nikolai)

That poor guy was already planning a surgery in his head.

My chronic illness is digestive, and my favourite thing is when yet another doctor goes "Have you tried painkillers?" Have I tried painkillers? God, if only throughout my grievous years of suffering and agonising pain I had thought to try painkillers. My bad, guys.

John Price is doing research when he notices symptoms because the minute he realises it isn't something that they're open about, he knows he has to approach it with care. As much as it irritates him to be out of the loop, he knows he isn't owed any information and thus, handles it with class. Any tips or tricks to help alleviate painful symptoms, he's asking beforehand if it's something they've tried because he doesn't want to shove the same unhelpful advice down their throat like so many probably have already.

Nikolai feels bad. He won't spend his time talking about how shitty their illness makes him feel, however. He's not the type. He's helping in any way possible. Anything they can't do, he's doing. Too much pain to step foot outside the door? He's shopping and then making dinner. Can't wash their hair? He'll make a setup; it doesn't bother him. Embarrassment is nonexistent to him; the "gross" symptoms, bodily fluids and all, he doesn't care. So long as he can assist, he will.

Simon is awkward. He isn't sure how to approach someone or help in a way that doesn't feel demeaning, but he does keep track of flare-ups, sudden changes in symptoms and such almost unconsciously and helps track them in case the information is needed when visiting a medical professional.

Johnny jumps to how can he help; he isn't forceful but genuinely inquisitive. Can he help by cooking meals and bringing them over? If so, what dietary requirements do they have? Can he help clean around the house, and if so, what are his limits for rooms he can enter and possessions he can move/touch? He understands why he wasn't immediately told, it's personal but he's quick to say that regardless of what's going on, they can tell him in the future if it stops them from suffering alone.

Kyle wants to know more; he's curious, not for his own morbid curiosity but to know how he might look over things that affect other people. If they're comfortable with it, he's coming to appointments or anything in a medical setting that involves their illness. One, because it helps him find out truly how it affects their life and two, because he knows it can be daunting to deal with something like that alone.

Rudy is the same as Nikolai, there is no such thing as embarrassment in regards to someone's health. It doesn't matter if it's something a lot of people wouldn't stomach the thought of, he'll help if possible. He's forward but not pushy. If it's a condition that affects mobility, then he'll encourage going out but only for small increments like a walk around a local park with a drink. Something small where he can help them return home easily if required. He's the type to encourage someone not to miss out on things but hold their hand as they do it to let them know they can always take a step back.

Alejandro doesn't really mention it, but in the midst of a flare-up, he's the one to show up at someone's door with a basket full of necessities and get to helping however he can. He doesn't want to make someone uncomfortable, but he also refuses to be the reason they're sitting in discomfort just because he won't face something.

Kate is someone to lean on. She does research, she asks, and she takes note of things. In regards to a partner specifically, she's someone her partner could bawl to on the worst of days and she wouldn't hold it against them. Also, dipping into medical misogyny here, she's the type to attend appointments with her partner because women are often disregarded in medical environments for countless reasons, and she isn't one to let her voice go ignored. She worked out that there was an issue without being told, and now she'll do all she can to make life easier on the person who has to deal with it every day.

[alicenpai]

🌟 ART SUMMARY 2024 🥂

this was a year where i didnt draw a lot, despite that, i tried to make every drawing count. thank you all for the support in 2024, here's to 2025 ! 🫶

⭐ [read more starts here]

i continued my goals from last year with regards to perfectionism. the tldr is that i strongly feel my perfectionism kept me away from completing as many drawings as i could, and i had to make an effort to just finish drawings no matter how lukewarm I felt about them. especially since i could just edit them a bit afterwards, i've tried to get over the fear of reuploading. 2024 was a strange year, it came and went in the blink of an eye, even more than previous years! life has been stressful, so i've been trying to focus more on myself and taking time off drawing. ironic, although i think i succeeded in that above goal, i expected to get more drawings out of it, but ended up taking more time off drawing anyways. towards the end of the year, i started feeling more burnt out, and drawing became a slow and arduous process. i think part of the reason was because 2024 was my first year doing 5 events - 2 full weekend conventions (anime north and otakuthon), and 3 single day events (bamtori fall aapi market, toronto game expo, bamtori jinglebam market), when in the past 2 years i'd just opt to do 1-2 local cons. it was also my first time doing single day events, which were super chill! although you have to both set up and tear down on the same day, i felt more casual at those events, had more time to chat and look around. back to my point - despite being fun, doing so many events took its toll on me - especially during the colder months of the year, where i wasn't so used to going to events haha! usually i take fall as the time to rejuvenate and recover from summer events, but i couldn't really do that this year. i kept questioning myself, "does this drawing have appeal? will people buy this?" "is my art hireable?" and it's just not a healthy mindset to have. next year i'll try to draw more of what i enjoy and what's on my mind, instead of worrying too much if it's sellable! *feeling like the HAHA YES sickos meme* - 2025 art goals outlined below: - oc zine (aiming for a character guide with some test comics) - character interactions & poses! e.g. dancing, hugs - generally stuff that's more difficult to draw. my art is more illustrative, but sometimes i wished it was more engaging emotionally? like i want people to smile and cry with my characters... - illustrations that challenge me. when i say illusts that challenge me it's pretty abstract - do research and gather inspiration for every illust.. compositions that are difficult/complex and take a while to draft.. strong theme.. it's more for me to understand AHAHAHA. as the years go by you can see my art becoming more unified in theme and self indulgent... i want to keep going, i want to make art that is uniquely mine. less priority: - get used to sketching! truly miss how i used to fill up sketchbooks every year - sticker sheets (this is on the less priority list bc i will probably fulfill this goal regardless) - oc merch (happy with the stickers i made in the last 2 yrs, let's keep going!) - silly things! e.g. 4koma, silly doodles. comedy is an art, it IS a skill you can study and chip away at (e.g. comedians and comedy writers). make sure i take notes on really stand-out jokes i find funny & why

other various things to try and draw more of: - group pictures - animals - layouts and props. i find layouts and anything with hard surfaces difficult to draw, which is why i draw a lot of flowers and fabric LMAO. one thing i gotta do is start by either drawing characters holding props more (easy baby steps!) and/ or start drawing props around them and make my way towards harder things (e.g. practice drawing a character sitting, i'll start by drawing a simple chair, then a table, then objects on that table). this is also one of my weaknesses - draw the ground they're standing on if possible, e.g. characters standing on a grid - vehicles, if i can. i mostly draw stuff from fantasy series where cars don't exist LOL but i'll try...

[creatingblackcharacters]

A follow up from the anon with the intersectionality of poverty and race ask from last week:

Thanks a lot for the feedback!

About your point about the white oc 'schooling' the Black oc, I get it even more after you put it into perspective and i agree completely! I will definitely make adjustments and maybe it would be more meaningful if the roles where reversed?(As in subtly acknowledging the role race can play in social structure?)

Regarding the setting, it refers to America because it has elements from the western genre, (cowboys and stuff) mainly aesthetics but with that comes more complexity i guess, a LOT to look out for i know..

I've been actually trying to worldbuild in a way that puts some distance between the setting and America, geographically, in terms of institutions etc, but i guess it's impossible to completely detach the one from the other when the western genre automatically tracks back to american roots.

It's definitely an escapist setting in some aspects and from me personally it comes from a place of wanting to fit any character in any of the roles that need to be filled in the story eg a high rank politician who's a woman, a Black man who's a noble, same sex engagements being common and honestly.. the idea has been to create a story where one wouldn't have to worry about seeing portrayals of common bigotry. i hear you if it feels like a cop out and maybe it is, it's definitely easier than tackling the really hard conversations.

So in your opinion, what is the balance between acknowledging the existence of racism while not telling a story that is not mine to tell? What does this look like in practice, portraying potential micro aggressions for example?

This is hard for me, fr 😅 you chose a visual that is deeply connected to... Well, to USAmerican history, like you said. It's very hard to extract the concept of the western from everything that created that visual (settler colonization), bc if those things hadn't happened, that vision wouldn't exist. From Manifest Destiny, to the genocide of the indigenous, to slavery, reconstruction and more...

Option 1) In theory yeah, you CAN have a world where what we understand as western happens. It's worldbuilding; if you have an entire separate world where you establish that this has nothing to do with Earth, that this is how things came to be and this is how we are now, okay. That's not impossible to do, and could be read fine. Unfortunately you're still not going to be able to avoid the familiarity we have to that setting, but as a writer you're going to have to treat everyone as equitably as you claim this society is for it to be believable. Because even if you say inside this society racism isn't real, I'm gonna notice if it feels like the Black characters are getting treated weirdly by the narrative in comparison. So essentially, be aware of stereotypes and tropes that are racist from a viewer's perspective regardless of its relevance in story. That's my general advice for everyone!

Option 2) Now, you said you want to incorporate racism but without telling a story about racism. That's not impossible- people obviously live lives regardless. But if we're gonna make racism real, then we gotta acknowledge the Rest of It, and that means your equitable society in this western premise is now shaky.

I'd research examples of microaggressions, make sure I understand WHY they are a problem, and incorporate them in. For example, having a white lady cross the street when your Black male character approaches from the other way. Or having your Black female character being dismissed as irrational for a pain she's experiencing. Microaggressions are a thing that happen without racism even coming up as a topic bc they're usually allowed to slide as "unapproachable". But again, the concept of microaggressions implies there's a larger aggression at hand. This again shakes your premise of an equitable society and "a story without seeing bigotry".

If any other bloggers of color have any suggestions, feel free to offer! I do think this crosses over!

[toxifoxx]

wait so how did they go about hiding it from the public like huh. did they just pretend he WASN'T pregnant and rolled a nat 20 on deception or whatever so everyone believed them? <- they call me the intriguerrr

HEHEHE im glad you asked

so first of all i think william had a good few months before anyone could notice that he's pregnant. mainly because it takes like 5 months before you can really tell (as far as ive noticed from the pictures ive seen), but since william is fat, he could probably make it a bit further than that without it being noticable. id say like maybe month 6 or 7 but sadly theres not a lot of references for how it'd look (the amount of fatphobic slop ive waded through trying to research this… anyways, i think its most noticeable when the spine really starts arching(?))

but i digress! william would insist on continuing to perform until the suit gets too tight (dangerous) for him. month 4ish. someone else would perform for him, or springbonnie would just stay in animatronic mode. but he can still go about his normal life for a while, its when he starts to show that it becomes a problem for him - so for the most part, he's withdrawing from the public eye. he hates having to keep hidden like this but his reputation is the most important thing to him and ofc he cant have people figuring out hes trans and queer.

henry covers for him, while he might not be great at doing social things, most people are intimidated enough they dont ask him whats up with william - or they get a short, simple excuse from him. as for how clara would cover for him, well, its a bit harder to answer. but since its utah, and william is well respected, i think a lot of people wouldn't even realize if they saw him. he could lie to their faces. like oh yeah he's a man and men cant get pregnant theres noooo way that can happen, no sir.

regardless he's only really going to be doing things behind the scenes to minimize the possibility anyone finds out. so he comes in early in the morning, does some work before any employees arrive or just stays in his office doing paperwork all day (maybe changes up the schedule so he gets to work on the animatronics too, he'd go crazy if he couldn't i think), then leaves early so no one catches him. kinda sucks but you do what you gotta do (william is so incredibly antsy and ready to get back to things already by the end of it)

and i guess technically yeah, they rolled a nat 20 on deception. pulled some leafpool from warriors type shit.

quick clarification at the end here. lizzie was born 2-3 years before fredbears opens - so, i think he would stop working at that time and just do the isolating stuff. but since william also had evan, after fredbears opened, this still applies. its just that evan isn't henry's, LMAO.

[talvin-muircastle]

Music Monday: Jazz, and Jazz-Adjacent

For someone who spends a couple evenings a week at Jazz Clubs in Second Life, I don't actually have a lot of Jazz in my playlists.

And that's why, of course. I am there to expose myself to new music! New to me, that is. Jazz as a genre, and its many subgenres, goes back to the late 19th and early 20th century, born out of African-American musical styles of the time.

Defining Jazz, putting a fence around it as a genre...look, I am not the expert. But one thing I have learned for sure is that people have opinions on this, and sci-fi/fantasy fans got nothin' on Jazz fans for their passion about their chosen genre.

Jazz is hard to define in part because it is part of so many other genres: without Jazz, there is no Blues, no Rock and Roll, Country and Western as we know it today would not exist, Hip-Hop, Rap, Pop, Swing and Electro-Swing, Hard Rock and Heavy Metal, many Folk songs of the 20th and 21st Century: without Jazz? None of it. Not like it is today. No Jazz? No Marching Band at Half-Time or in the Parade.

I am not going to continue my lecture on Jazz-as-a-genre here: not qualified, really. Instead I am going to look at my personal interaction with Jazz and some of its close cousins, and when my SL Jazz friends see what I did here, some of them may not be my friends anymore! (Love you guys, and I hope you know I am just teasing.)

Like many Gen Xers, my first exposure to Jazz came from Walt Disney. Some of the stuff they did in the era of The Jungle Book and The Aristocats has, gotta be frank with you, aged like milk.

The great thing about Jazz, though? Improvisation! During the Pandemic, some jazz musicians on TikTok started improvising in some really fun and interesting ways. So yes, my intro to Jazz was probably "Everybody Wants To Be A Cat", if not exactly like this:

This next one is a tribute to Louis Armstrong. Jazz or tribute to Jazz? I leave that to the experts.

More Improvisation? Yes, please!

"My Lord! The Jazz Fans are assembling at the gates with torches and pitchforks!"

"Very well. Mollify them with something they cannot argue with me about:"

Now, I am told this next song is Jazz-Funk, and I even had that explained to me, how it is distinct from regular Jazz.

And I am sorry, my friend, I am too genre-blind to quite get it. And trying to figure all that out did lead me down a rabbithole seeking an answer to the question: do people on the Autism Spectrum experience music differently from neurotypical folks? Results are not conclusive, but certainly there is a lot more to look into, it seems. So it may just be a case of "brains wired differently!" (see footnote)

Regardless, I quite like the tune!

Now, this next one, from my research, is not jazz, but it is blues, and the crossover between the two genres is considerable. I did first encounter it at one of those clubs in Second Life.

It is also freaking hilarious. It's a good cure for the condition in the title, because you will laugh so hard you crap your pants:

And this is where the mob tears down the gates, perhaps? :D. It's an academic question, I feel, whether NeoSwing and ElectroSwing are subgenres of Jazz, or something else. They definitely evoke the feel and spirit of the Jazz Age, however. Here's a couple videos that introduced me to this style of music, however you classify it in the evolutionary tree:

This next one: I again leave it to the experts to say if it is "Jazz". It is certainly an homage to Jazz, and a blending of that style with traditional Irish music and dance. It's a lot of fun.

Colin Dunne is such a great storyteller through dance, too. And I believe the lead dancer opposite him was Tarik Winston, but I can't find a completely reliable source on that.

OK, I have wandered far afield enough, time to get back to what is unquestionably Jazz. I am going to finish with something by Khan Jamal, whom I actually met: he was doing a live show at Market East Station, part of SEPTA's Regional Rail system, with Marimba and Vibraphone. We wound up buying one of his CDs, because the kid was really enjoying his stuff. (This was over 15 years back.)

Can't find anything on YouTube of that CD, so here's something else he did, and I warn you: it's a long one! Very relaxing.

And that's Music Monday for this week. It's a little bit of my personal experience with Jazz and what's related to it. I do hope you found something you enjoyed.

Footnote: This came up a week ago (from the time this is published) when someone doing a non-Jazz show played some stuff with Pipe Organs. This is where my wife and I must agree to disagree: Dianna LOVES a good pipe organ. I have never been in the same room as one I could tolerate. Sensory freaking overload I just HATE them! Recordings, played low, I can tolerate, but I do not seek them out.

[oswaldsleftbicep]

I thought someone would’ve asked already, but can you complete the “married life” series with the angels please? Thanks <3

married life with mikael, ricardo, & noel

the long awaited finale to the married life series! gotta be one of the sweetest things i've written :,)

genre: fluff

cw: language, nsfw innuendo in ricardo's part

Mikael

❧ the finances would be split 50/50,,, in theory at least. he ends up actually paying for more stuff despite him not really,, having a job? he's got a side hustle that allows him to stay at home while still bringing in the big bucks, it's insane and i'm jealous

❧ that being said, he's a big homebody and doesn't much enjoy running errands. if you want him to go grocery shopping with you you'll have to ask him relentlessly and have it planned days in advance. either way, he lets you use his card and says you can get yourself a treat while you're out so it's okay lol

❧ omg he doesn't clean either, you have to lowkey train him to clean. it starts small with having him help you fold laundry or do some light dusting. did he complain? yes. but did he grow to see the domesticity of it all? yes.

❧ he much prefers to help you out with the cooking. he's so used to having someone make food for him, so actually working through a recipe is a refreshing challenge for him; just be careful tho, he can be impatient and will sneak bites of ingredients and from the dish as it's being prepared

❧ he's a secret romantic at heart, so you can bet he will not give up on dates and anniversaries once y'all are married. most of these events are held within your home, so expect flowers and spa nights, but there's also plenty of fancy dinners out or late night picnics under the stars. he researches upcoming astronomical events and y'all will travel to go see them; he'll keep a photo album/scrapbook full of these trips with pictures of the stars that night along with a photo of the two of you and little mementos from the area

❧ mikael is kinda indifferent on having children as he's always seen it as something expected of him, but something he's never seen himself doing. so, like most of the boys, having kids is a big conversation that's to be had

❧ he has the same indifference with having pets; he doesn't particularly want one, but doesn't loathe the idea. so when you decide to sneak one in, he'll pretend to hate it at first, but ends up growing the biggest soft spot for it and will spoil the ever loving hell out of the creature

❧ assuming he doesn't live in his castle, he wants a fairly large modern house with lots of open space and a clean, bright interior. he's got expensive taste and it takes forever to find a house for the two of you. he wants to keep a certain aesthetic with his decor, very clean and minimalistic

❧ but overtime, you start to add some of your own picks to the place, like pictures and fun art and pointless decorations, and he's like "wtf how did this get here??" but as soon as he realizes it was you, he feels a warmth overtake him, and it really hits him, "this is our home"

Ricardo

❧ he's also want to go 50/50 with the finances, but purely because he does not want to pay for anything, yet he would feel incredibly immasculated if he let his partner pay for everything all the time, regardless of their gender

❧ his disdain for spending money comes in handy tho, and he's pretty good at budgeting and frugality. if you decide to go grocery shopping with him, he complains about the prices of everything the whole time and searches for all the best bargains and deals

❧ he's surprisingly a fairly tidy person, but he prefers cooking to cleaning, and he's also surprisingly pretty good at it. you both received a few cookbooks as a wedding present and he's made it a goal to try every single recipe in them. he likes sitting you up on the counter while he cooks, letting you taste test and sprinkle in some ingredients every now and then

❧ going back to the cleaning thing, he really shines when it comes to folding laundry, like he'd fold all the laundry ever without much complaint. he's also good at taking the trash out, washing dishes, and general tidiness of the home. however, his mortal enemy is making the bed. good luck with that

❧ he takes you on dates like y'all are still in the dating stage; like it's all fun and adventures, running around and giggling like lovesick teenagers. he takes you to every nearby carnival and arcade, and late night rides and club outings are a must. don't worry tho, he'll take you on more romantic dates, but he prefers to save those for anniversaries, which he likes to celebrate biannually. if you personally value smaller milestones like when you got engaged or when he first asked you to be his, he'll get you some flowers that he stole from noel's garden

❧ prefers to practice how to make kids than the idea of actually having them, but i can see him shaping up and showing out to be a decent father if kids are something you seriously want. he 10000000% wants a dog tho, and it's absolutely a big guard dog that he trains to protect you and your children at all times

❧ ok i remember seeing something that was like a scenario where someone gets their s/o a guard dog to protect them and then they get into an argument and make a move toward their s/o, not intending to hurt them ofc but still spooky, and the dog fuckin attacks them to protect the s/o, like good doggie. someone ask me to write this plsplspls-

❧ doesn't really care about where you live, and he leaves the decor completely up to you. ofc he has his preferences with colors and aesthetics, but will absolutely set that aside with mild complaint if it's something you want. just leave the heavy lifting to him, with the small price of some paint fights lol

❧ the one thing he must have is a shared hobby room where he can have his sewing and embroidery supplies, and you can have your setup for whatever your hobbies are :)

Noel

❧ genuinely thought y'all were already married before it even happened-

❧ like the second the two of you talked about marriage and agreed it was something you both want, he thought that was it. so cue his confusion when you started talking about a wedding lmao don't get me wrong tho, he's glad you ended up actually having one, and it was a very joyous occasion, and then things for the most part carry on as they were before you were married

❧ hate to break it to you, but you're the breadwinner. he'll absolutely pitch in when he can, but you end up being the one handling the bills and such

❧ please teach him how to cook so he can stop bugging you to make certain things and bugging you while you're actually cooking. this guy really just needs to get used to living with and sharing a whole space with a person. he's messy, very disorganized, and has never really been bothered to fix that. sunday resets are a necessity in your home, and with time, noel learns to be a functioning and contributing partner in your marriage lmao

❧ the one thing he's got the hang of right out the bat is yard work and caring for your garden. he's very diligent with it, and makes sure you have a fresh bunch of flowers for the kitchen and for the bedroom every week

❧ with his garden, he also grows a majority of your produce, so grocery trips aren't very frequent. but when you do decide to go, he's very keen to join you, just make sure he eats before you go so he doesn't fill the cart too much. he enjoys seeing all the new options and makes it a point to grab something new to try with you every time you go shopping

❧ he doesn't really plan dates, he just sees something that he'd like to do with you and asks you if you'd be down. he doesn't really realize it's a date until about halfway through the outing lmao. as for anniversaries, his main priority is the big annual wedding anniversary, but that doesn't mean the little ones are gone forever. he keeps calendars every year, and when it's time for a new one, he'll go through and fill out all the special dates, like when you had your first kiss, when you first met, etc. when these days come, he'll bring them up softly to you when you wake up or over breakfast; just the fact that he remembered those milestones is more than enough to make you happy

❧ he doesn't feel like he needs to have kids to make his life or his marriage complete, but if it comes up he'd much prefer to adopt a child; he feels that adopting a child and giving them a better life would heal something within him. he also wouldn't mind having a pet, as long as it's something not super energetic, and he doesn't mind high maintenance pets, he likes the routines that come with the responsibility. either way, he treats your pet as if it's completely sentient, having full conversations and giving it a voice in matters of opinion lmao

❧ he'd prefer to have a smaller house, maybe something a little older too. he's not a maximalist like lucas is, but he'll absolutely fill your house up with fun, warm decorations and photographs, making sure to put all of your fondest memories together on full display

[barbwillbrb]

Hi. About Rackal and Clairice...

1. Is there some companions they don't like?

2. Who killed Raphael?

3. Which one is the bg3 faction they despise more.

1.

Rackal

Rackal and Minthara cannot stand each other. Rackal very much wanted to kill her both at the Grove/Moonrise, and the feeling is extremely mutual. The only buffer between them is Clairice, who stands up for Minthara/sees she’s a pawn of the absolute, regardless of where Minthara’s moralities might lie, and calls Rackal out on his hypocrisy/unwillingness to give her a second chance.

They eventually end up in a begrudging, sort of respect for each other halfway through Act 3, primarily because 1) they are extremely effective in combat together (turns out, a pair of berserker paladins with 0 regard for their life/nothing but rage are really good at taking shit out when backed by some spellcasters) and 2) Clairice is the one captured by Orin and her safety is the one thing they can agree on.

Rackal and Astarion also butt heads regularly.

Clairice:

Gale. She drives him more nuts than anything; especially her treatment of the Weave. In general, she finds wizards too stuffy about their magic and he finds her faaaaaar too lax about hers. Overall, though, it’s more of an annoyance akin to that between an older/younger sibling.

Genuinely, she gets along with pretty much everyone, although Lae’zel is extremely thankful she did not pursue things further with her.

Arch nemesis is Volo.

2. Honestly have not thought this one out fully and am not sure!

The main thing I know is that while Rackal, Minthara, and Karlach are off trying to find Mol’s contract/definitely setting off an alarm, Clairice is banging Harleep. Both versions.

She isn’t even doing it for the hammer (the team already got it snagged); she just knows what she wants.

Truthfully I gotta research the full implications of what doinking Harleep means, but if I have my way I like to imagine it’s just no strings attached hells yeah sex. Like, she actually has a charisma check to fuck the devil for funsies, because she just wants to do it. Genuinely pointless with almost no repercussions (except maybe the minor body possession stuff).

… the more I think of it, Clairice is definitely landing the killing blow, even if it’s just an assist as she walks in all “yo your incubus said I was a better lay than you” *fingerbangs* and that allows someone to land the last hit.

3.

Rackal: the Druids (wants to off Kahga asap per Zevlor); Absolutists; Flaming Fists (honorably discharged; starting to really butt heads with leadership before he left)

Clairice: Absolutists, Zhentarim, the Guild (kinda sorta; having a rough patch), the Flaming Fists

Both: Sharess Caress. No one, NO ONE, warned them of the drow twin jokes. They are very much considering burning it to the ground.

[shivasdarknight]

whats ur fave piece of surkie lore? or ur fave piece of her char design? (or both) :3c

im gonna yell at u but u also brought this on

......OKAY SO, i swear to god this is the most self indulgent shit but I gotta give a teensy bit of context first.

Surkie goes into enw as effectively a drk+rpr since rpr for her is more of an augment onto her preexisting classes? She doesn't use a rpr jobstone nor does she have a proper avatar, as she kind of just got dragged to Drusilla after she summoned a voidsent into her. That voidsent was Diarmuid Ua Duibhne, something she'd actively researched and sought out due to his supposed status as one of the very first voidsent who might have sympathy to her plight to restore the void with Cylva.

This is Diarmuid, btw:

His size is very fluid and he just kinda hangs out in Surkie's head. He's got a more humanoid form that looks like a devil trigger out of DMC and remembers what he used to look like as a mortal, but that's not something he ever shows to anyone.

Reaper is a compromise between him and Surkie due to their vastly different fighting styles (her being a drk main, him...well when he was alive he often used a sword and a spear in tandem with each other and had two sets so 4 weapons in total, the tails kinda echo back to that). So while Surkie is still dominantly a drk, stuff involving Diarmuid involves summoned scythes and whatnot since them learning something together was better than trying to find a balance between existing styles.

This is all to say that at the end of enw, in order to keep her alive, Diarmuid ends up partly fusing with Surkie to get her back to the Ragnarok, and they're kinda stuck together now. She's half voidsent now, it's fucked her up fundamentally, he's stuck on the Source, and now Surkie has a Devil Trigger.

Like. Seriously. It's in part designed after Diarmuid and his humanoid form, but also in part inspired by her dark knight glam from post stb-enw, which ends up getting destroyed - which is this set below, main piece being the Behemoth King top. Reason being is the Sin DT forms are based on suits of armor, with Dante's being more european armor while Vergil's is clearly samurai armor.

She lost this armor set at the end of ENW after it kind of became her identity. It got worn down from how she channels aether - which she wasn't even aware of doing, but it was what in part destroyed her first and favorite spear, nearly destroyed her Captain's naginata, and then decimated her armor. Granted, what dealt the final blow was the fight against Zenos, but her aether warped the plate so heavily that it was unsalvageable. It's what ends up leading to her post enw look with the Troian gear, which was tailored specifically to her insane and uncontrollable aether.

But this also means it's easy for her to suddenly swap into that voidsent form/DT.

She gets a hang of slipping in and out of it and she winds up fighting MOST OF THE 6.X BOSSES ON HER OWN. Initially it was just because I'm Fucking Gay and I wanted her and Barbariccia to go one on one (*COUGHS*), but then it led into her being the only one to take on Rubicante, and then ofc it just fit to have her go after Golbez on her own. As that DT. Rest of the team joins her for Zeromus, but regardless she still just went stupid crazy DT form against these guys and walked out of it alive.

..............................................................................and this form is also responsible for an uh. Incident. that results in their fifth child, Tseren, whose bio parents are surkie and ysayle.

because Someone's a bit of a monsterfucker.

and they don't learn about this until the Rubicante fight where Ysayle was going to get involved in the fight, but he refused to fight her on the grounds of her. yknow.

gg surkie

BASICALLY I GAVE MY WOL A DEVIL TRIGGER AND IM NOT CHANGING IT

[lazinesswrites]

Please get those clones unionized and also out of that toxic work environment by putting some words into 50 ways to leave your Empire for WIP Wednesday.

I.... Listen, this is why community and interaction and stuff is so important in fandom. I read this ask right as I was about to go to bed (on Wednesday, shh, it's Christmas, I've been busy) and then had to go back to my document for this series to make some notes because...

I gotta make the Clones unionize.

Not just like. make them talk to each other and get out of there, though that too. But like. Creating an actual Union. All banding together, striking, everything, to force the Empire to listen to them and cede to at least some of their demands. Like, idk, better (any??) pay, better treatment, an actual pension plan (though Chuchi might get them that regardless). A seat in the Senate. Refusing to engage when they believe their superiors are ordering them to harm civilians/innocents.

If this is set early after the fall of the Republic, Clones still make up the vast majority of the Imperial Army, and the few natborn soldiers are... in no way numerous or competent enough to keep the Empire going when every single Clone refuses to work.

There's the matter of the Chips, of course, as those would make it impossible for most Clones to actually refuse to follow orders, but having some sort of officially recognized internal command structure and whatever legal rights being unionized gives them might help negate that, and the fic could be set just late enough that most of the Chips are beginning to fail - maybe around the time of TBB episode 'truth and consequence'? Not sure how much I'll care about canon timeline though.

Uhh. I know I'm technically supposed to write three lines of the fic for you, but I need to do some more research into... how unions actually work in the US and/or Star Wars (or maybe in DK? to make it Not US Centered considering I'm not from the US? Hmm.) before I can start really writing it, so you are getting. all of that^ instead. Thank you for the ask! ❤

Find the rules and titles for this week's WIP Wednesday ask game here.

[syrupspinner]

i attempted Fight Knight

apparently this game has a pretty fucked up controversy attached to it. i didnt know about it before i bought it and its been too long to get a refund. my bad, shouldve done more research into it before buying, i own up to that. but while i have it, we may as well see if its a good game regardless? maybe its worth pirating

so the intro is very... unfinished? you can still see the sketch lines, like its still an animatic. usually i love stuff thats rougher around the edges, but i dunno, ive seen plenty of stylistic animation that looks rough and sketchy while still looking more professional. still, i like the colour use, and the dithering pixel effect is cool, so not bad all in all. the music is pretty dope too

i have hit every button and i dont know which satisfied the 'punch to start'. apparently middle click is bound to... taking a screenshot? i thought it might be an issue with how its not in full screen, but uh... the full screen windows button doesnt full screen it, it just moves it to the corner. what the fuck. its the space bar? to punch??

okay i wasnt expecting this to be grid based. i expected like, a melee fps? and i guess this is still technically that, but it moves like a dungeon crawler. and uh, yeah, im not really feeling this combat. i hate that everything is on your left hand? and the movement is so bouncy, i feel like im in a rubberhose cartoon. its giving me a headache with how vibrant the colours are too...

so, every combat is an encounter that changes your controls. im gonna compare this to psychopomp cuz they have similar control schemes: imagine if every time pompy ran into an enemy, you teleported to a 2x2 box, the enemy was in the middle of the two tiles, and you killed everything in two hits. yeah, the encounters are jarringly easy, and i feel disoriented whenever i enter combat because the controls feel juuuust different enough to fuck with me

i was so worried this game wouldnt have healing items, but i luckily found the apothicary after my first instance of backtracking to the boat. it makes sense to go back and save often, but its still a pain, especially since the walking is so bouncy and colourful, it feels like a baby stim video but more painful. also, its been like 10 minutes and my thumb is already sore. im not just blindly mashing (even though thats a surprisingly effective strategy), or else id be using the v key like the tutorial said. im trying to mix up my punched with more rapid attacks and charges. why one hand?

okay so ive got a formation. pinky on shift, ring on A, middle on D, pointer on V. this is awkward as hell and im already cramping but i dont see a more elegant solution. immediately after doing this i figured out that holding v at all times and parrying is the optimal strategy, it beats everything ive seen so far with no trouble

okay, no, i cant do this. i usually try to make it a few hours into a game before i figure out if ive bounced off of it or not but this one made the experience fully clear in the first 30 minutes. which is one thing i can compliment it on, at least

the gameplay would be piss-easy without the stupid gimmick of having to do everything with a single, non-dominant hand. the first obstacle of a stupid maze that makes you hold shift (map button) while you navigate it, and then when a random incounter breaks your focus youve gotta hold down the V key and hit shift every once in a while. its the perfect mix of tedious, disruptive, and physically uncomfortable, all while contributing nothing to the game other than... ingredients? what, for more moves? nothing has defeated my impenetrable shift-v so far, i doubt thats worth it. even if it was, im not wandering around lost trying to see if i stumble upon less dead ends anymore, fuck this. why one hand?

dont try this game, it is indeed not worth pirating. i cant imagine a reason why i would suggest it to anyone for any reason, even if the dev wasnt (allegedly) an abusive creep. the closest it gets to being cool is the style, but everything feels so... much. the colours lack restraint once youre in gameplay, and trying to move around makes everything bounce and sway so much i feel motion sick. im gonna go take a tylenol, i feel like i just watched an old mickey mouse cartoon that had every frame filled in with the mspaint fill tool on maximum contrast mode.

[pr-writingdump]

Naga P1 3/10

How do lamias hold their buddies?

Describing in detail how a lamia is curling up for warmth and getting comfortable

Buddy is waking up.

Lamia is getting comfortable. Making a puring or other happy snake noises

Tasting air when curious

Waking up snuggled in a hammock. They’re on some sort of hike. It’s pretty cold at night

Lamia has got a sweater

Needs to adjust to be in neck or something

Maybe decides to be goofy and slides to be on top of head or in eyes.

Buddy is like... i doubt that’s comfortable but whatever keeps ya warm, hun. Need some shut eye.

Lamia keeps squirming since wants “massage” or just light touches. Never asked for that sort of attention. Just sorta melts into it. Leaning hard into buddy’s hand

Buddy notices where sun is and opens up tent

They’re overlooking this mountain range. The rain from last night is almost dry. See some ground squirrels and camp robber birds. The indian paint brush, bear grass and tiger lillies swaying along with some other flowers.

Buddy calls lamia to stir. Gotta go.

Lamia whines for five more minutes. Maybe call them Lupine but Loopy for fun.

Buddy makes a couple puns for lamia to groan and to say they’re up. Lupine covers buddy’s mouth to stop the trainwreck.

“It’s too early for puns. Go to sleep, Rompa. You must be sick if you’re coherent this early in the mornimg.”

Lupine makes an unintentional pun.

Rompa sighs, “seeing as your sick too. I guess we’ll both have to sleep the day away.”

Lupine beams. “You won’t be disapointed! I’ll make sure you get a fantastic name or my name isn’t Lupine!”

Rompa yawns. “I guess we could. We might’ve overdunen it yesterday.” Rompa laughs nervously. “I maybe summitted too quickly.”

Lupine jokes, “and I thought puking your guts out was a common human reaction to beauty.”

“Hehe, nah. My bad.”

Lupine goes back to sleeping over Rompa’s eyes. “Sleep.”

“You can’t make me..” rompa says defiantly to doze off.”

Describing the sun further warming their enclosure.

I’ve been considering writing some lamia/naga stuff. Problem is that I can’t visualize the cuties and how they snuggle. Therefore, the only solution to this glaring issue is to solve it by practice and thorough research.

Plus, it’s also nice to practice putting out my writing. I don’t want the anon hatemail that one time to stop me from ever writing about bitties again. Regardless of how much I’m sweating at the idea of putting “bittybones” as a tag.

“Sometimes, ya have to get over yer fears via exposure. It ain’t fun but ripping off the bandaid is just what the doctor ordered.”

And honestly, some day I wanna post a short story to AO3 and I’ve gotta start somewhere.

[jeanjauthor]

So long as people don't go down the rabbit hole of "divine numbers" wherein "the secret power numbers are 3, 6, 9" ...then that's okay. If they do go in that route, I just gotta facepalm, because in order for the "divine letters" theory to work, it has to hold key in all languages, just as it needed (and failed) to hold key in all base-# mathematics.

The only reason why we currently work with a positionally logarithmic base-10 mathematics system is that we have 10 fingers, and it's a neat way of allowing zero to be a concept as a placeholder, such as 404 being four hundreds, zero tens, and four ones. Binary just uses zeros and ones, but it goes 1, 2, 4, 8, 16, 32... instead of ones, tens, hundreds, thousands, ten thousands...and so forth.

The deal with "the secret power numbers are 3, 6, 9" is that it doesn't work in base 7 mathematics. I am not going to go into it in any real depth here, but suffice to say that in base-10 math, you get a bunch of coincidences popping up, such as 36 is 3+6=9, 18 is 1+8=9, blah blah blahl, and some people believe...but again, this doesn't work in a different base-# math system, and when people are finding all these coincidences as "signs of the secret power number," it's literally not how the real world works.

Yes, monocotyledon plants grow flowers with petals in some base of 3, 6, 9, but what about dicotyledon plants, which grows flowers with petals that are in groups of 4 or 5? These are not statistical outliers, and they do need to be counted, because dicots outnumber monocots...once you get out of the Grasses category.

Look, we know that gravity is a universe-wide thing, right? If you've got a body with mass, you've got gravity. It does not require looking at the math for gravity only from a base-10 perspective. It functions regardless. The electromagnetic spectrum includes light and sound, electricity and magnetism, also not dependent upon base-10 for it to function mathematically. Those things still work in base-7, base-4, base-10, binary (base-2), etc.

Language-as-physics needs to be looked at in the same way. If it truly is aligned in some way (and I am not saying it isn't!), then it needs to be consistent across languages, even if only in part. Does this mean "one sound, one property only, forever and ever and everrrrr" ...? Nope. It simply means "there needs to be some sort of connected principle as to why this is the most commonly used set of sounds to describe stuff" before you start calling it a divine insight or whatever.

...With all that said, I strongly suggest looking into linguistic archaeology, such as tracing root words all the way back to things like proto-Indo-European languages. I also strongly suggest looking at words that have not changed over the greatest span of time. Why? Because we view our world through a cultural lens, and that lens is going to be different from language to language, culture to culture. However, there are some constants.

Do you want to know what linguists have figured out is most likely the oldest still-being-used word is, in English? Bed. Through their research, they have determined that "bed" hasn't changed in far too many centuries. This word holds true, despite the fact that Old English is nothing like Modern English.

Now, why do I point this out? Because words that do not go through a temporal/cultural drift are important words. They have power and meaning in their original culture, and in every culture that has morphed out of the ones that came before. The concept of bed in the British Isles (and now into America, Australia, and other places) has not changed for countless generations.

If that's not a kind of lasting, divine power, then I can't help ya.

Sometimes I read stuff and I just wanna shake someone like "WHY IS NOBODY TALKING ABOUT THIS"

[gonegrove]

do you have any advice or tips for writing billy? like how to portray his personality

Wow honored to even get asked this!

First off I will say I’m sorry this took a bit. I got a Little Unhinged writing this, wrote like 1k of rambling thoughts on the topic, realized my ADHD meds had worn off and it’s impossible to maintain a coherent train of thought for something like this while also watching the show with a loud funny commentary track layered on top and stopped. Then the ADHD hit again and I forgot to get back to it yesterday when I was like, rested and coherent again lol.

I wanted to keep this more concise but I’m a Wordy Motherfucker. So I’m going to try and partition this into like, two main sections. There’s the more manageable section and the like, thought piece essay about what I consider like “the background noise of Billy Hargrove”. The stuff that’s not say, immediately actionable but are nice to do research into or keep in your mind while writing him. I hope this is actually useful and not super overwhelming.

Okay so, for me basically I have like, a Core Billy and then Billy Bits I add to taste depending on the story.

Basically for my Core Billy Elements it's:

Asshole Babygirl Tragic Backstory Spike TV But A Person

First off-- Asshole: he's gotta Kinda Fucking Suck. This is important because if you dig too deep into his trauma or try to nice him up too much in any way he's not Billy he's just Some Fucking Random Guy. He's a fake internet blorbo masquerading as our rat son. It's a critical element to balance out his Tragic Backstory. There's an understandable desire to make him more sympathetic or to show more of his softer side by making him act nicer and shit more frequently. Don't do this. I mean do do it but not a lot. Let him have a touching moment with Max then he turns around calls a girl a fattie. He might be getting nicer as he has a chance to grow or we might like him more as we learn about Why he’s Like That and all that shit but like.... he's still an asshole. He's just OUR asshole now.

Babygirl: he's a thottie. A slut. A sexy little boy. You can give him complex feelings and thoughts about his looks, how he feels about them, how much he cares and why. But he's gotta be kinda babygirl-ish. he's gotta give a shit about his looks and have a complex relationship with his sexuality. This is also the category of all his charm. This is where the Billy that was mackin’ on Mrs. Wheeler enters the chat. This is the zone of Billy’s dick cologne. It’s an important part of his character, as much as he sucks and can be super gross he’s also insanely charming and socially capable when he wants to be. It’s also one of his major methods of interacting with the world other than Asshole.

Tragic Backstory: Gotta have the trauma. Gotta have the trauma seep into and effect every thought, aspect and decision in his life. He's in an ongoing abusive situation in the show and it heavily effects what he does. Like half his decisions are to mitigate the damage Neil could do, the other half are in rebellion to Neil's control. Billy is WAY more tightly wound and in control than he seems. He has to be. If he was truly off the leash and going hog wild like some people like to think he was then he’d be in fucking jail already or 90% bruises from his dad beating the shit out of him daily. His mother abandoned him and left him to be raised by a violent, bigoted man. He was forced to give up his childhood to look after Max regardless of how much she even really needs looking after. Everything about Neil and his mom and how they’ve treated him colors how he looks at others and how he responds to situations. It’s good to show it explicitly when it makes sense sure, but generally it’s gonna be more subtle. Unless the point of the fic/rp/whatever is like ‘Billy Goes To Therapy” there should probably not be a lot of meaningful speeches about his trauma n shit. He will however say, have a visceral response to people yelling, have insane animosity towards aggro/controlling dudes, lose his SHIT if he thinks his partner’s gonna leave him and some very weird views on women.

Spike TV But A Person: He smokes. He drinks. He spits. He leaves his underwear around his room and doesn't clean for shit. He has sexy lady posters up and is basically what one pictures when you think of a stock "Guy". He's who Spike TV was made for. As much as he's vain about his own body and his carefully cultivated image, he's a fucking pig and a dog. This is part of his charm. He WILL make ball jokes if it makes sense. He likes sports and “guy stuff”. Like… He’s a Dude. A Bro. Some of this is performative, how much is up to you but he’s not… he’s not neat or hyper interested in “Deep” things or anything. While he’s complex he’s also a Teen Boy In The 80s and acts accordingly. Also ball jokes are just funny??????

it's like balancing the 4 humors. those are the major components of his personality and you have to try and add equal parts when writing him, tweaking the levels depending on things like scene content, genre, the whole point of the story etc.

There’s also a secret 5th element — like in the movie, The 5th Element — that completely shits on my humors analogy/metaphor/whatever.

Sensitive Little Guy: This is under all the other layers of bullshit. Under Asshole, Babygirl, Tragic Backstory, Spike TV But A Person is a Sensitive Little Guy. He’s hyper emotional, easily hurt, desperate for affection and understanding, and longing for people who care about him. He’s anxious, depressed, kind hearted, protective, unconvinced of his own worth, and living in a state of near constant fear. He has it in him to be kind and silly and loving if given the chance to show it but that chance rarely ever comes.

Now there’s the Billy Bits — things that are not say always mandatory but are solid additions which can add depth. I look at these when I’m writing or planning and make decisions on what feels right for the plot, it’s length, the genre, the ship if there is one etc. Like getting into Billy’s Rage Issues just does not make any sense for a quickie rom com story but works GREAT if you’re going a drama or anything where you want him to have a growth arc.

Here’s my usual Billy Bits:

Rage Issues — I mean… look at him. Ofc he’s got rage issues. Can be a really useful personality flaw to use in the right kind of story.

Mental Illness — There’s a lot of different takes on Billy’s mental health and what he may or may not be dealing with. It’s agreed upon that he’s got PTSD but another common thought is that he has BPD (borderline personality disorder). Given some of the things Dacre’s said he’s likely got anxiety issues and some amount of depression wouldn’t be a shock. It’s something to think about and do research on if you choose to use it.

Weird Views On Women — His mom abandoned him but also was like, the only person who actually loved him. His dad’s a violent misogynist. Billy compensates for his emotional issues partially via sexual encounters and is saturated in the culture of male spaces that don’t always really respect women much. There’s nooooo way he doesn’t have some Weird Views On Women. Not necessarily misogynistic (but like… lbr… kinda yeah) but definitely confused and contradictory — his mom and women like her are Good and better people than pretty much everyone else but also why would he date a girl for anything other than sex? Likely has some madonna-whore complex issues. Kinda guy who thinks of girls as kinda disposable while also the most likely to pour his guts out to one like that’ll fix him.

The Racism Thing — His dad is clearly bigoted and things like Runaway Max and Dacre in various interviews pretty much flat out say “yeah, Neil’s the absolute racist here”. How much you actually wanna get into this very much depends on like, your own views and what the story is about. My stance when I do touch on it is that Billy personally doesn’t really care much about race but he knows his dad does and knows what will happen to him if he finds out Billy’s got non-white friends. So he avoids as much as possible most of the time. In the end you get similar results to if he himself held the belief — he’s still treating someone differently for bigoted reasons — but he’s not like in their face calling them slurs n shit. It’s also something that he can be Aware of from day one about himself and be like “yeah, I kinda Fucking Hate This”.

Violence is Cool, Actually — idk I just think Billy should get to be a lil bloodthirsty and beat ass a lot. You know, as a treat. Like sometimes your story just needs someone who can go sicko mode at the drop of the hat and here’s Billy! Ready and Raring!

Abandonment Issues — His mom abandoned him and she was the only good thing in his life. He’s terrified of people leaving him and will react accordingly. With jealousy/possession, by pushing them away first, by trying to not even engage at all. He could have emotional outbursts if he thinks they’re leaving or feels like they’re withdrawing. He could be paranoid about it or give ultimatums. Any one of those is a solid way to have him grapple with it. It’s all about the story and what you’re aiming for.

Complex Views On Max — He hates her. He loves her. She’s a Fucking Load. She’s the only good thing to come out of this bullshit marriage. He doesn’t give a shit about her. He’s terrified for her safety. He hates having to babysit her all the time. He thinks she’s kinda dope as fuck.

Big Brain Billy — Billy is smart actually. There’s certainly no indication he’s stupid. The most you could say is that like in Runaway Max he’s struggling in school, likely because of external pressures or a learning disability, but he’s not an idiot. Underneath all the machismo and hairspray can be a pretty savvy guy. How this gets represented varies with personal opinion and taste. Some like him to be less book smart and more street smart and logistical. Some like him to be a good student along with having like real world intelligence.

Cool With His Queerness Billy — Some like to write him as maybe not out but definitely proud or just as cool with his sexuality as a dude who already hates himself can be. It’s a valid take and can be really good for opening up narrative doors or exploring topics.

NOT Cool With His Queerness Billy — dude’s raised by a Grade A Bigot and already hates himself. The idea that he’s struggling with his sexuality —maybe even to the point of self destruction — is not a big shock. Can also be done that he’s more freaked out by the idea of being outed or exposed in someway.

King Fuckboy — Sometimes he’s just like 😜 you know? Like sex jokes and lewd comments and ‘you up? ;)’ texts n shit. Just— the whole cursed package.

Literally Just A Walking Smiths Song — god idk how to even describe this just listen to some Smiths songs kdfghskjghfdgkjfds

Music Freak — We all need something to cope. Billy clearly likes music a lot and bands like Tank weren’t super popular at that time (Tank had like 1 album until the 00s) so a logical choice for Billy is music. Could be that plays an instrument or just that he’s really passionate about music and the music scene and learning about how music works.

King Fuckboy But Woke — When you’re such a fuckboy you somehow circle around to like… being shockingly cool and not awful? Like he’s still cruising for hook ups but like… he respects your pronouns and doesn’t treat women like they’re sex toys lol

Doesn’t Miss A Beat — He watches, doesn’t necessarily say much, but he sees a lot more than anyone gives him credit for. He watches and takes note of everything around him.

Fear Of The Cycle — Billy being afraid of becoming like his father. He does something — accidentally hit a girl, spouts some Neil Shit™ at Max, acts in some kinda crazy controlling way — and it fucking sides him off the edge of Oh Fuck. He always says he never wants to be Neil and he likes to think he’s nothing like him. Maybe he’s not, maybe the way you wanna do him he’s hyper-aware and hyper-vigilant to Not Be That. Maybe he kinda is, and he didn’t even realize it until it smacked him in the face. It’s an interesting theme to bring in as say, a minor plot line.

Okay and here’s the “Background Noise of Billy Hargrove” Essay:

He's a shitty dude and he'll always be kinda rough even and a prick even when he gets his shit together. He's insecure and struggling and emotionally maladapted. He's a sweetheart with a mountain of issues.

I think something that helps me when I write him (and when I write Steve for that matter) is that I've watched a lot of video essays and shit about the manosphere and men's issues (Hbomberguy, D’angelo Wallace, Big Joel, Foreign Man in a Foreign Land and FP Signifier are some guys of the top of my head who’ve talked about it in videos) and it really helps in understanding the struggles of guys like Billy who seem so awful but have all this shit going on underneath. there's actually a lot of societal shit and psychological strife that gets put on men that doesn't really get any time or consideration by like, most people? And it's very much the things people will rag on Billy for or how they'll talk about the Billy-Karen shit like it's a positive/Billy's in the wrong.

I was watching a video about male socialization today by Jesse Gender and in it she talks about her experience going up being socialized as a white male. How there was this huge amount of like, being stripped of identity. We'll all talk about how being a white male is the default and how this is an issue but the flip side of that for the white guys in question is that they're stripped of identity as individuals to fit that default. There's an enforced severance from heritage, emotion, humanity etc to instill manufactured dependence on the concept of men that society is pushing (and also capitalism but you know). Jesse talks about having this sort of empty void that became filled with this listless anger. That whole knowing something is wrong but not knowing what or how to do anything about it which presented itself in outbursts of anger like we see in Billy. Jesse was told once as a teen she'd have to go around and not walk through the cafeteria that day and in an irrational outburst of misplaced anger punched the door as hard as she could, permanently damaging her hand and getting suspended for it. She talks about how it really wasn't a big deal, there was no reason for this kind of response other than this just ever present gnawing sense of nothingness. It's why this motherfuckers get so horny for the Joker ya know?

All the older boys are very obviously effected by this kind men's issues thing but Billy's one of the most prominent, probably along side like early show Jonathan. He's projecting a mask of hyper masculinity as a defense mechanism. He's still undeniably masculine under it by American standards but like, the guy under all that is someone you'd hang out with. The guy he presents himself as? Not necessarily. Billy as he presents himself is a raging asshole because that's what plays well in hyper critical traditional male spaces. Be's serving alpha because he's got shit to hide and protect — like all his feelings and vulnerabilities. Homie is still a 17-18yo boy who wOn'T pIcK uP hIs RoOm and would think it's funny to lick someone's hand if they tried to put it over his mouth. He would probably smack his girlfriend's ass in public and think it's funny or flirty. He's got no issues with how messy and shitty Eddie's trailer is but also probably thinks Steve actually making his bed is "kinda gay".

It’s a mixed bag of being young, coming from a rough household, living in a society that rewards a lot of bad behaviors, having no good male role models and no mental health treatment.

There’s inherit struggles in who he was born as that are related to the way society denies men the ability to connect emotionally, to express themselves or to be vulnerable. He’s hurting and the only acceptable way for him to release any of his emotions is violence and anger. He’s consciously denied the tools to understand and cope with his own emotions by society and his father. He, like all the other boys in the show to some extent, is set up to fail. He’s expected to be Atlas and stoically take the abandonment, the abuse, the parentification, the uncertainty, the violence and the expectation. I cannot remember which video it was, I think it was an FD Signifier vid but he was talking about Animal Farm and how the horse worked himself to death, exhausting himself and breaking body over and over in the service of society. Men’s value is measured in the amount of violence they can endure and how much work they can do.

Also his family is working class so he's more in line with the Byers on the economic ladder which is a big factor. There's lots of ways that can effect someone's mentality and actions depending on like location/how poor/needs/family life/etc. I’m still working thru my research on this shit since I’m middle class as fuck, especially classism in the 80s, since it’s uh, Kinda Complex. But it’s a huge thing. Neil and Susan were both working parents (the Byers are also a 2 income household), the way Max talks about her street and the party’s reaction to hearing where she lives indicate they’re on the lower end. How far above the Munsons is up for grabs but they’re not much better.

Anything that can be used against you will be used against you. Billy only avoids the treatment that Jonathan gets for being poor because he’s hot, fashionable, athletic and new to town. His aesthetics and novelty protect him from a lot of ridicule. Which is the point of the Look to begin with.

A big important thing for me with Billy is his rage. He's never not going to be an angry person. He's been abandoned, abused, parentified, removed from whatever support structure he might have had in cali, forced into these roles and actions that don't do shit for him but make him more miserable, and treated like shit by everyone pretty much his whole life. Even when he mellows out and heals that anger isn't going anywhere. it's just like, changing fonts lol. It's like Eleven's rage at Brenner. She DOESN'T forgive him, but she DOES find a way to move on in her life PAST him and that anger and take that energy and put it to use in a way that's productive for her.

I also try and lean into his emotionality and his sensitivity but in specific ways. I decide the things that will trigger it — like certain actions or insults, certain behaviors, kinds of people, etc — and then map out which emotion it triggers and the response. Abusers and controlling guys set him off in an aggressive way, he needs to put them down. It’s defensive. People like Chrissy and Eleven who he can emotionally connect with bc of abuse he becomes protective of and like IMMEDIATELY. INSTANTANEOUSLY. Kindness will cause immediate defensiveness and then a reciprocated softness. It’s helpful to look into psychology and how real life people interact and respond to things and use that info not to craft Expository Monologues About His Mental State but to show via his train of thought and his actions what’s going on in him.

His outer life and inner life are rarely on the same page. Who he is in public can be vastly different than how he actually feels and what he’d actually want to do.

I tend to have Billy be a pretty “whatever fuck it” kinda guy. He has the things he cares about and then the rest just Is Not His Fucking Problem. His life is already a fucking bitch why would he make your bullshit his problem? Like minimal effort in the places it’s not required. But he’s also EXTREMELY observant, it’s a product of his abuse. He’s a good reader of people and he’s good at reading a room and adjusting as needed. So like even if he doesn’t give a shit about small town gossip, he knows a lot of it and he’s got Opinions on a lotta people from seeing how they act in the halls n shit.

It’s the kind of thing where he’d Know that something is wrong with Chrissy but not what and get the sense that Jason was kind of a shitty boyfriend in the “I’m dating the idea of you not you” variety. But he’s not immediately inclined to make this his problem. Generally shit has to hit certain criteria before he’s gonna add it to his plate. Like they hit a nerve, it goes on long enough that it pisses him off, he identifies a lil too much with someone, he’s Just That Bored, his interest has somehow been peaked or he’s been given an incentive. There’s a real calm before the storm vibe with him.

Billy is also genuinely magnetic. He’s so popular for a reason. Like Max doesn’t get nearly as much fawning over her for her Cali background but Billy is A Whole Fucking Package. He’s handsome, he’s fit, he’s funny and interesting. He knows when and how to turn on the charm but he’s also just kinda got Pretty Okay Vibes when he’s not you know being a massive fucking dick. He’s funny in a cock jokes and clap backs kinda way. He’s intense and opinionated and he’s up for anything if it’s interesting enough. Like you can totally get why Hawkins High collectively lost their minds and got massive hard ons for this dude. Behind all his awful dudebro bully shit he’s a genuinely cool fucking dude you’d KILL to hang out with. Billy being at a party MAKES the party.

Okay I’ve lost my whole fucking brain again and this is a pushing 4k words so I gotta cut my losses because I’ve already been insane about this for TOO FUCKING LONG. I apologize for my bullshit and it’s comical length. I hope that literally ANY of that was fucking useful jkdfghflsjghfsd

[watatsumiis]

Valentine's day mutual ships (part 1)

First of all, happy Valentine's day, y'all, though if you don't celebrate it I hope you have a good day regardless <3

Here is part 1 of assigning my mutuals ships! You're absolutely free to reblog it, screenshot it, save it, do whatever you like! I just hope I gave you all characters that you don't totally despise! I tried to keep it mostly neutral so it can be read as platonic or romantic!

@puppy-boy-inc 

Honestly, I think I’d pair you with Pantalone! I could see y’all spending the day together at one of his fancy private estates and eating fancy chocolate-dipped fruit or something like that. I dunno why, I just think Pantalone would mesh well with your silly puppy energy maybe he’d teach you to be a little less of a bully /j I’m sure he’d also spoil you rotten with gifts and sweet things, and would absolutely dote on you no matter what you did for him in return! 

@uplatterme

I’ve gotta pick Aether, I don’t think it could be anyone else. I know that’s totally the obvious choice but I think you two would get along so well. I could see you two doing something almost painfully cheesy like going to a botanical garden or a couple’s pottery making class, then going home and you’ve both set up surprises for one another, it would be one of those painfully sweet interactions because neither one of you realised the other had done something for you, so it’s all cute shocked faces and big cheesy grins all around!

@genshin-projection

There’s something about your vibe that makes me feel like you and Sucrose or Albedo would get along extraordinarily well! I could see all three of you going to a zoo or doing research or experiments together, you’d bring along a packed lunch and sit somewhere quiet and just talk about your interests together! It would be a super chill, laid back sort of hangout. Though, I could also see you getting along with Xinyan, since you both seem to have a love of music! You two could go to a concert or just hang out and talk about all your favourite artists and instruments and stuff! :D 

@that-foul-legacy-lover

Listen, I thought about it for a while, I truly did. I considered pairing you with Zhongli or Morax, then with Capitano, but in my heart you’re a Foul Legacy lover and it feels cruel to pull you two apart. I could imagine you two trying to make sugar cookies together but they come out a total mess because FL just wants to help but he’s far too big and clumsy in the kitchen, so all the measurements get messed up and there’s icing and flour and crumbs everywhere, somehow there’s egg shells on the wall, but you two had fun and that’s what matters! I could see you both going for a quiet evening walk together, maybe along the coast, watching the seabirds go by and maybe collecting seashells if you come across a beach together!

@zhongrin 

Listen. I know you’re married to Zhongli, I respect that, you're adorable together, but I hope you don’t mind if I shake it up a little - I could see you and Capitano pairing together really nicely! You guys would bake sweets for all your friends and have one of those food fights like out of a hallmark movie where you flick flour on each other and it’s just heart meltingly sweet and adorable and the food comes out brilliantly. He’d also love to take you out to one of his favourite secluded spots, a nice little pond he discovered while on a walk, and you two could feed the ducks together! You’d give cavities to anyone who dares even look at you both, honestly. 

I'm still working on the others at the moment, so if you commented on the original post or reached out to me, don't worry, I've got a list, I haven't forgotten you, I'm just sectioning it off at the moment :D Though if you happen to have any preferences on character gender or anything like that please shoot me a DM! I'd hate to accidentally put someone with a character or ship dynamic they dislike/are uncomfy with.

[djmarinizelablog]

Hey, RK! This is random, but I was navigating across YT and I saw an AsianBoss shorts where they addressed that in the Philippines is bad seen being smart. What do you think about that?

It's similar to being a "know-it-all" and that word bearing a negative connotation on being intelligent and outspoken. That "being-too-smart-is-a-bad-thing" mentality is definitely something that has to be fixed, imo!

I've noticed that a lot of people relate "being humble" with "being quiet and reserved," and you're going to get a lot of criticism if you're the opinionated kind. Then again, that doesn't mean that everyone needs an opinion on everything; not everyone is obliged to speak on topics they barely know anything about. (That's probably where the flak is coming from. I don't know; I have no context on the YT short that you just saw.) My two cents on the matter is probably influenced by the amount of people commenting on social media news without even learning the sides of the story. Maybe all that I want to say is this: sometimes the best course of action is to listen.

Which brings me to my favorite quote from Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery--

(Gotta love Benoit Blanc for that!)

So, I guess this brings us back to the question: how do you define intelligence? And by intelligence, I don't mean the quizzical, book-machine nerdification of humans. I'm talking about being street-smart, self-aware, and more inclusive of others. Do you define it by how often a person speaks up on what they believe in, or do you define it by the wisdom of their actions, which, more often than not, is all about when to speak up or not?

On a personal note, I've been more meticulous with social media nowadays; it's so easy for the algorithms to adjust what you want to read/see on your feed, and more often than not, those posts are trying to elicit reactions from all of us, regardless of the validity of the facts. It's tiring, and it's probably what ticked me off from using social media nowadays. I'd rather mute/block a shit ton of accounts than listen to useless nonsense every day of my life.

Then again, I've met people online who are downright humble, intelligent, and outspoken at the same time, and they know what to say given the right context and situation. I still follow the news once in a while, many of them have been verified and fact-checked by people I trust: friends who are writers or news reporters, friends in the academe, and more importantly, friends who are actually researching stuff before they speak their mind. Those are the people I look up to.

Thanks for the ask!