#resentment and compassion

[majoringinsarcasm]

Eldest siblings who are the mouthpiece for not just you but your siblings. Who take the brunt when someone doesn’t call, who is lumped into the lectures, who feel equal parts resentment and compassion. Anger and sadness. Hurt from many sides but cannot express that. Those who are so far into the Reliable or Accountable. The y’all when it’s not your fault. The both of you when you do everything right. Who get lectured on the phone for something your sibling Didn’t do. Those for whatever reason are stuck at home and cannot move out. Who don’t have reliable transport and rely on rides either from family or ride share. Who is and the best for siblings and also wish to sometimes be far far away so you can finally feel like you are not part of a collective.

We’re gonna be okay.

[plutotunealouette]

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again and again until I die: the love and care that the suitor squad all have for one another without any resentment or jealousy over lucy is really really special and important

[wizardsix]

just saw people on twt getting mad that gale said a literal god wasn't good enough for him . i need people to understand that he didn't mean it like "I deserved more than a literal goddess" he meant that his actions were foolish and made it LOOK like he thought himself above one. that he should've been content with what he had, but felt he had to prove himself to her.

if you romance him he literally realizes that he didn't need to find validation in a god but within someone who understands humanity more than a god ever could.

please learn reading comprehension before making yourselves look stupid I'm so tired of this

[yugiohz]

wallahi the fujoshi goggles are off (maybe even permanently, i fear), but i think dabi and hawks deserved one final confrontation. the question is, what kind of final interaction could they even have gotten? i have no idea tbh like i never gave it much thought let me think about it *pensive*

[randomly--accessed--memories]

Val and Velvette both think about "lasts" a lot. The last time Vox and Val had sex, their last turf war as a full team, Vox's last product launch. They do it more often in the first couple years, but as time goes on, those final occasions grow murkier in their memories. They really do treat it like losing a loved one, except Vox isn't actually gone, he's several floors above them, waiting for someone to come talk to him.

[thepeacefulgarden]

[sharedinsanitea]

“everything I do is simply

an attempt to resent myself

more gently and to cherish

myself more violently.”

- Blythe Baird

[werebutch]

I am told i am evil by my sister and father. Evil. They used that word sincerely. Im quick to anger but I don’t think I’m evil. I certainly would never tell my sisters to end their own lives, and I especially wouldn’t mean it, even in the moment like they do. I’d never threaten suicide to them either. It completely flip flops from me doing nothing in their eyes, and me doing everything, to which they react with thankfulness but never help. Not even when I beg for it. And when I do beg, I’m either met with zero compassion or guilt trips. I think after enough of that, anyone would get angry

[acids]

i think we can start telling people their interpretations of literature are wrong . and then kill them

[shugthedug]

obsessed with your tags under the @marisatomay 's magnolia ask. please, for the love of god, bring the master into this

Quite a widely held belief, and certainly predominant amongst press at the time of its release, is that the master was PTA ‘taking on’ Scientology, creating headlines of a rift in his relationship with Tom Cruise. He notably got less patient in his responses to these questions as the promotion for the film went on, and understandably so. Firstly, to read the master as a film about Scientology in the way that consensus would want there to be such a film (critical, ridiculing, bizarre) is a very reductive way of approaching it. The master uses aspects of Scientology, particularly dianetics, to delve into the romantic wistfulness of a post world war II America that found itself in an intensely unsettled and anxious state where the culture leaned towards dreaming and longing, for other times and other places. Dianetics basic concept of transportive power, of past lives and earned wisdom and second chances, is employed powerfully in the film to create an almost transcendent bond between Freddie and Dodds that is thematically in keeping with a certain post war psyche, a bond that is ever moving and multiplicitous: the fulfilment of an absent father figure, the purposeful and inevitable entanglement of souls, wrestling between pressure and power, vulnerability and manipulation, cruelty and healing, love and harm. Its inclusion was a device within which a story could unfold. Questions searching for the journalistic TNT of ‘PTA wants to expose Scientology!’ betrayed that the questioner had probably not understood the film.

But also: The Master is a work of great empathy. In that way, it aligns beautifully with magnolia. It’s not the fanged, critical expose of a cult that many hoped it would be. Instead, it demonstrates a compassion and respect towards both Freddie and Dodds, but particularly Freddie, that derails the tabloid friendly notion of PTA creating something with intent to shame, embarrass, mock or belittle, especially someone he knew personally and had shared a notably brilliant creative experience with. Freddie is taken quite seriously as someone exposed to brutality who reverts to states of animalism, someone who can neither function within nor be tolerated by society. His volatility exiles him from the peace he went to war for, his vulnerability to an external promise of freedom and purpose is clear as a bell. How the cause ingratiates itself to him, the resultant play of power between his need for Dodds attention and Dodds need for Freddie’s independent will, and the genuine bond they develop within Dodds unconscionably harmful structure built to maintain his own power and influence, displays a nuanced and careful understanding as to why people may become victim to cults, why they may perpetrate that harm upon others, and why they may fail to see it as harmful upon themselves. Ultimately, people will contort themselves into painful and twisted shapes in an effort to avoid suffering. It’s a human reflex. The film is full of that humanity, without the moral condemnation many would have sought from it. It’s not really about the structure of the cult, but the way two men find each other within it.

The response to the master, the general willingness for it to have been a direct hit against the ghost of L Ron Hubbard and the papers favourite cult freak tom ‘it’s illegal to look him in the eye’ cruise, is revealing, I think, of a tendency to other those within cults in a way that undermines their intelligence, morality, and personhood instead of recognising that all of these things can be suppressed if a person is vulnerable enough in a way that a cult can target, manipulate, and exploit. It also smacks of not caring about what PTA wanted to say, preferring instead to fabricate ill feeling and contention that likely never existed. I don’t know how you can watch Magnolia - which reminds you if nothing else that Cruise and PTA have a very human relationship to pain and trauma - then the master, with its incredible understanding of pain and trauma, and go for the read that so many people wanted to make that the master was a stealth attack. When applied against the film PTA made, it’s ridiculously off the mark.

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

hi

I'll start this by saying you can ignore this ask if it's too annoying bc valid

but I just saw some absolutely bullshit takes when I was scrolling through mdzs posts

some people claimed that:

- jin guangyao and wei wuxian are the same and both killed for revenge so if wwx isn't evil then jgy can't be either (I- excuse me??)

- jgy did so much good for people and wwx just........ saved some wens (lmaoo???)

- jgy killed nmj out of self defense (ok so why did he keep coming back and acting nice playing/poisoning him for probably weeks if not months then????????)

- (this one is just crazy) wang lingjiao was just some poor commoner woman who couldn't fight back so wwx is awful for what he did to her

....

I'm sorry am I the crazy one here because these takes sound straight up INSANE to me like did the people who wrote it read the same novel I did??

"wwx stans are so hypocritical how can they say my baby's evil while they stan this cruel murderer who doesn't let his corpses reincarnate :((((" bitch????

I'm fairly new to the fandom and I can be wrong so can you tell me if I'm missing something (I doubt that i do tbh) but you seem very sensible and I just needed to get it off my chest

I'm not even saying people can't enjoy characters that are evil/morally gray bc some of my faves from other works are just that... but if you have to pretend these characters are some saints who didn't deserve what they got and drag down the main character just because you're salty then I don't think you like your "fave" all that much tbh

I hope you don't mind me ranting in your askbox, if you read my message then thank you for your time! Have a nice day! (I hope I didn't ruin it too much haha)

Hello anon! No I don't mind at all for this, rant away if you need to as I make my inbox open for it.

As to the idea that Wei Wuxian are similar, in terms of their status they had been born to, yes. But that's about as much of their similarity as they get. Just as how Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji are literary mirrors due to similarities in circumstance, but not mind or ideals. Yes, Wei Wuxian did kill in revenge, but he never denies this. He fully admits to this unlike Jin Guangyao, who continues to say he had no choice but to kill those that wronged him. The difference there is that, Wei Wuxian had been tortured, his guardians killed cruelly, his own sect almost was decimated by the ones he killed. Where as with Jin Guangyao, he killed many that endangered his political position or, verbally insulted him in some way. Between the two one's actions of revenge was foremost for the ones that had been wronged. For Jin Guangyao it was concerning his own ego.

Jin Guangyao never did anything for the common people. We are told several times in story that Lan Wangji, and the Lans are the outliers for this sort of thing. The watchtowers are nothing more than a repainting of the Wen's Advisory Offices and keep in mind, it was still under the approval of Jin Guangshan that they even were created. From a Jin Guangyao who wanted to please his father foremost. He also burned down a brothel of prostitute women, where in that, shows he cares for commoners of his own background?

A scum of a person, can be human and sympathetic, but it does not change that they themselves are in the end selfish, cruel and manipulative. That's what makes them terrifying, they use that sympathy to cause more hurt. Wei Wuxian never holds others hate of what he had done as unfair, just that he would not take rebuttal for what he never did and stands by what he did. Jin Guangyao never takes any sort of responsibility towards the ones he drags into his schemes and continues to say he needed to with no sympathy for the ones who had been innocent, saying that he should be the one pitied and forgiven.

You can like and enjoy an evil, just don't paint it as a saint when that is what the very work is against and criticizing. We are told that Wei Wuxian is meant as an ideal of morality, who this is still argued about and he is labeled "morally grey" and "just as wrong as the others" is just wrong from a literary and plot point of the book.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello mbti-notes, 28F ENFP here. I have written to you a few times, one of them about my relationship with my 27M INTJ boyfriend and the other about my childhood trauma regarding my ENTJ mother and how it was keeping me from pursuing my art career.

I have been on the road of Fi development and lately I have started to develop Te. Some major life events happened since the last time I wrote to you; I had gotten diagnosed with ADHD after suspecting having it for years; then, my younger cousins got diagnosed with level one autism (Formerly known as Aspergers), and after my mother conversed with their mothers, we reached the conclusion I and other members of the family are also autistic and ADHD, since I displayed symptoms of both as a child.

With this new knowledge, I have been making all the changes necessary to accommodate myself and do the best I can and pull my own weight. I am almost finishing University, and my boyfriend (he’s pretty much my husband at this point) started his doctorate and is now an art teacher at our local arts University. (those issues I had written to you prior were resolved and we have been very happy together and supportive of each other since).

I have been slowly tearing down my perfectionistic tendencies; I am no longer unhappy about my work or extremely self-critic to the point I put myself down. I have gained confidence and trust in myself and handling problems, crafting solutions, planning (even if short-term) and improvising. I have been re-enganging my Ne in a healthy manner, focusing on my projects and progress instead of being scattered and wanting to do everything and anything.

Despite that, and all the growth I have done already, I feel that I have an unsurnamable mountain of obstacles to pass through. Over the last year, I have realized just how little my ISTP, probably autistic and bipolar father and ENTJ, probably ADHD mother completely failed to prepare me for life. I was emotionally neglected, made a scapegoat for their problems, made to pick up after myself because of my autism and ADHD being seen as failures of character instead of disabilities.

They saw I was intelligent, and rationalized it as “not needing help”; then, when my problems with executive disfunction and organization started flaring up due to their neglect, they yelled and blamed it on me, worsening the situation. I grew up with no understanding of boundaries; I wasn’t allowed to advocate for myself and everytime I tried I was yelled at; I wasn’t allowed to discover myself and my identity properly so I clinged to my special interests like a moth to a flame; I was shamed for my way of functioning and that impeded me of developing proper knowledge of myself and what I needed.

I now notice my social differences, my trouble dealing with and regulating emotions (and why I put off dealing with them), and my lack of social skills and differentiating levels of relationships. I feel angry that the time I needed to be using to deal with these issues, during adolescence and early adulthood, was taken away by autistic burnout, depression, and dealing with a disfunctional family who had no idea how to care for me and never tried to, and spent pursuing bad relationships, hyperfixations and changing interests, all the while not being able to put effort into what I really wanted because of the shame and judgement they placed on me.

I have been trying my best to pick up the slack, but it’s hard. I can see now how I was unjustly punished for my differences my whole life. I finally understand now why people get upset with me with things like being unable to regulate tone or asking clarifying questions (when I’m just trying to understand them).

I have accepted myself; I know my difficultities now and I know what I have to do to regulate myself, but I still can’t stop feeling angry at this injustice. I do my best to be proactive and helpful in the communities I join and make friends, but people will turn on me the moment I do something impulsive like vent to chat about my parents doing something rude to me that day (which happens regularly). The bridges I put effort into building get destroyed in minutes, and I feel like all my progress is undone.

Family is a tricky issue for people, I get it. There are different times and places to say things, I get it. But It still happens. I know the way to fix it would be to leave, but due to the housing crisis, inflation and my expenses of trying to finish my degree, I can’t move out of this place and still currently live with them. Rent is unnafordable, my boyfriend is going through his degree and busy, and I’m already at capacity fully comitting myself to art and doing the best job I can with chores and house stuff.

I know my parents have issues and I try my best do understand and be empathethic, but they aren't doing anything to get better or to resolve them. My dad is on disability and unemployment aid right now, he does minimal chores and watches TV and sleeps all day. My mother is a pre-school teacher and constantly overworks herself because that's how she learned to get through life.

A few months ago, my mom almost ended her marriage because in her words, she developed a "platonic crush" for another man. It was a huge fight, and one they tried to drag me into. When they're not having outright fights, they act lovey-dovey; but they soon have another nasty fight, and the cycle goes on.

My dad is extremely misoginistic, judgemental, and cynical. Everytime he tries to engage me in conversation, I act uniteresting so he leaves me alone. I am uncapable of building a relationship with them after all they did to me.

I just can’t stop feeling I got dealt a sh*tty hand in life and there is nothing I can do about it. I realize this is Si grip talking, but this enviroment completely kills all my optimist, motivation and will to move foward in life, and I’ve been doing this dance for way too long and just want it to end once and for all so I can keep progressing. I know I’ve already come a long way, but I can’t stop feeling it still isn’t enough, and I’m afraid that feeling won’t ever go away. So I turn to you for guidance on what to do.

Currently I am sitting on a few unfinished projects (a comic and animation) that will be my portfolio só I can start working while I finish my degree. My parents are paying for the remainder of it (honestly, the least they could do after the horrible lifetime they gave me) but I plan to start paying for it myself as soon as I get some work. I guess what I'm trying to get at is that I'm doing everything to try and make things better, but I feel like they never will, and I don't know how to deal with that.

----------------------

Whenever people tell me about how they're making progress, even trying to develop lower functions, but also suffering from inferior grip, the alarm bells go off in my head, because it usually indicates some form of troublesome denial. In terms of type development, inferior grip is one of the most serious signs that something is not right psychologically.

I never want to poopoo on people's efforts to improve. I definitely believe that you've been putting forth your best efforts. However, if the outcome is inferior grip, it means there's a problem with your approach or method.

The way that you're stuck in blaming your parents for your misfortunes is not just a sign of Si grip, but also Te loop. If you're suffering from Te loop, it means Fi development hasn't progressed to the point where you are ready for Te development. Being a lower function, trying to develop Te when you're not ready is only going to exacerbate Te loop and eventually lead you into Si grip.

I won't deny that the people around you every day have a big influence over you. As a Feeler, their moods can easily affect yours. When that happens, the best thing to do is to draw up boundaries, to try to shield yourself from those negative influences as much as possible. However, what you've done is the opposite.

You've been drawn into the negative influence through blaming them, fighting back (mentally), judging them for their flaws, indulging pointless "what if" scenarios about your past, etc. In short, you have been swallowed up by the negativity partly because you didn't do enough to protect yourself from it. This is related to Fi development because Fi should inform you about what is needed for self-protection.

Now, since you find yourself in a hopeless place and can't accept the feelings of helplessness, the recourse is Te loop. You wish to actively "correct" everything that you perceive is "wrong". However, this is a futile endeavor. Why? Because those things are not for you to correct. You have overstepped/violated boundaries by wanting to solve problems that aren't your responsibility. This only serves to entangle you in them.

You mom and dad's flaws, your mom and dad's relationship, are none of your business, but you are all up in there. Even if they try to involve you, as an adult, you have the power to refuse. Because you care about them, it's hard for you to refuse, but refuse you must. That's what it means to draw healthy boundaries.

Yes, it's tragic to have been deprived as a child. One thing you realize more and more deeply as you get older (especially if you have children of your own) is that parents are human, their knowledge is limited, and people can only do the best they can based on what they know. Many, many people are ignorant about psychological issues because they have had no opportunity to learn about them. What's worse, sometimes what they have learned is misinformation or outdated information based on what was being taught when they were growing up.

I say this not to excuse the bad things that parents do, but to foster empathy for the fact that people can't do better when they don't know better. You are the same. You didn't think to change your behavior or didn't know how to do it in the right way until you learned about ADHD. You live, you learn.

Empathy for others starts with empathy for oneself. Instead of pitying yourself or being angry about your past, healthy Fi should prompt you to express empathy for your struggles today. There aren't enough signs that you possess this depth of empathy, which indicates Fi development has a long way to go yet. It's hard to feel empathy when you're in the thick of negativity, but that's the time when it's most important to practice it.

An important part of having empathy for yourself, aka self-compassion, is allowing yourself to move at a realistic pace in life, a pace that takes your challenges into fair consideration, rather than always trying to live up to unreasonable ideals. Feeling "not good enough" and being afraid of that feeling never going away is directly related to Fi development and lack of self-acceptance. You must accept the truth of yourself and the facts of your situation before you can move forward in a meaningful way.

Also, if you find yourself speaking inappropriately or not giving enough consideration to social context when your feelings get too big, it means you haven't done enough to set up a good social support system and create more appropriate opportunities to explore your personal issues. Expecting parents or colleagues to give you support that they are not capable of giving is basically wasting energy barking up the wrong tree. In other words, don't look for love in all the wrong places. This is related to Fi development in terms of doing what it takes to care well for your well-being.

You are well into adulthood. At some point, it has to be fully your responsibility to craft the life you want. By continuing to blame your parents for not living up to your ideals, you are the one keeping yourself tied to past unhappiness, rather than moving forward. It is a choice you make.

I always say that forgiveness isn't about other people. Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. It's not good for you to live in a state of resentment, anger, or hate. It's not good to keep revisiting and rehashing such emotions on an endless loop. Therefore, you have to learn to forgive the mistakes of the past so that you can have the emotional stability necessary to focus on improving your life today and into the future.

Forgiving your parents for being the imperfect human beings that they are is difficult but necessary, not for their sake, but for yours. You can set yourself free from the past at any time through learning how to be more accepting, empathetic, and forgiving, which is very much tied to Fi development. This would be a healthy way of lifting yourself out of Si grip and mending your mental health.

[technicolorxsn]

House of Leaves, pg 517

[apenitentialprayer]

At the first glance he divined my interior trouble, and I hated him for his clairvoyance.

Théophile Gautier ("The Dead Woman In Love"), trans. Lafcadio Hearn.

Original French: Le premier il avait découvert mon trouble intérieur, et je lui en voulais de sa clairvoyance.

[fluffypurpleglitterdemon]

I really did not expect how early the idea of "inflict Human Face Disease on Yong'an" would come up. I thought Bai Wuxiang would suggest it as revenge after the war! Bai Wuxiang didn't even say in as many words that Xie Lian should inflict it - he told Xie Lian how this outbreak happened, and Mu Qing first brought up turning it on Yong'an in as many words. (Mu Qing was basically picking up Bai Wuxiang's implications, I'm not saying it was Mu Qing's idea. Mostly I'm saying I'm surprised Mu Qing and Feng Xin were even there to give their input on this matter in particular)

[greghatecrimes]

I have... many feelings. And I'm not sure what to do with that other that sit and listen to them