#restrict binge cycle

[scooplery]

trying out this crazy idea i had called "eating lunch"... so far so good, especially when i do it BEFORE i even feel hungry

[hairtusk]

bullying myself into forming consistent daily habits via the medium of taking up bullet journalling again

[anorexic-autist]

[rinofwater]

My dad saying everyone in this house could stand to just not eat for a couple days is living rent-free in my head still

*sigh*

[soullesssinews]

never recovering, just getting worse in different ways than before

[therapythoughtstogether]

TW BED talk

Hoping to hear other people's experiences and ways to cope 💜

I'm staying hydrated (drinking enough water and I also like having green tea and black coffee), going on light walks and still trying to get nutrient dense food when I don't binge.

I'm also journaling daily and making my surroundings as cute as I can: scented candles, cute tumblrs and cups, French press, cute plushies and pillows, fresh herb plants on the kitchen windowsill, etc.

I'm trying not to punish myself for binging and trying to find other ways to cope.

I'd like to hear some advice or experiences about other people dealing with binging behaviours or restrict-binge cycle, if you are comfortable sharing.

Anons would also be appreciated if you feel like doing it openly is too much 💜

[hydetheghost]

I rlly hate it how mom only see the restictions, only the restrictive diet, but NEVER the relapses, never the binges, never! and then, ofc she forces me to eat :(((

is it just me or? i mean, what can i do? binge infront of her or what??

[carpathxanridge]

man maybe the fact that i am so aggressively anti diet culture anti calorie counting etc. is gonna bite me in the ass tonight because i just accidentally ate a 600 calorie ice cream sundae and it was only as i was washing out the container that i glanced at the caloric value like… hmm perhaps this will actually make me feel sick LOL

[bed-no-more]

Binged last night on snacks and sandwiches. I think because I wa stressed about work and didn't end up following my dinner plan. I'm super tempted to restrict today, but I know I shouldn't, that it'll only make it worse.

[rogerfromamericandad]

its always as i fear. if i dont eat i look better :/

[cassies-w0rld]

If anyone has tips on how to break a binge cycle PLEASE send them my way! Google is unhelpful and doesn’t get me

[hauntedselves]

i’ve been reading through the eating disorder blog posts over at tabitha farrar’s blog; and while it’s got great info and is very compassionate (being lived experience), there’s this one post that’s bothering me.

in this post, she talks about people with anorexia nervosa binging while in recovery, and how that’s normal and good. yes, great! but she keeps reiterating, “this is not binge eating disorder! you DON’T have BED!!”. and yes, diagnostically, this is AN recovery, not BED.... but behaviourally, this is 100% BED.

“So I went back to restriction. And then when I ate, I binged again. And so then I restricted. etc etc. Hey-ho, the good old binge-restrict cycle. I had to learn the very hard and long-winded way that the only way out of a binge-restrict cycle is to eat one’s way out. Literally.”

This is binge eating disorder!

BED is someone trapped in the binge-restrict cycle, just as much as someone with AN or bulimia is. BED is restricting, even if it’s not as intense or as on purpose as restriction in AN is (though it often is!), and then your body gives out and you binge because otherwise you will die. and then you feel horrible and ashamed and you vow to never binge again, and so you restrict.

so yes. someone in AN recovery binge eating is not diagnostically BED, but the behaviours and thoughts are the same.

(this is just another one for the “AN & BN & BED are different flavours of the same eating disorder” thing)

(also it feels like she’s frantically reassuring herself and other AN sufferers that it’s not BED, as if BED is the absolute worst thing that could happen ever. where’s the compassion now?)

[aphroditestummyrolls]

Pesto gnocchi with broccolini and chicken 👍 not pictured: stress-eaten stroopwaffels. Getting my period? Hopefully. Wanting to flay myself like a frog in a middle school biology class? Definitely.

[disordered-gurl]

Yo real talk. Best hunger suppressants? I mean pills and such (but also herbal teas w weird spices or stuff like that i don't mind)

[therapythoughtstogether]

Wherever I go, I take myself with me

Binging and other built-in behaviours

TW ED behaviours and thoughts

I'm objectively safe now. I have moments of peace and solitude. I'm not facing any immediate risk.

Yet...my mind is usually racing when I'm alone. I cannot fully relax quite yet. And I found myself engaging in one of my oldest coping mechanisms that I remember partaking in since I was at least 5 years old...binging.

I'm not even in a new city. I'm actually in a new country. People around are friendly. I'm ok...but I feel like I'm trying to run away from my problems, from my past, from my trauma...and it doesn't work this way.

At first I felt so disappointed in myself for binging when I have almost "perfect conditions" for the first time in long. But then I understood that I've been using food (too much or too little) as a coping mechanism since I can remember and moving countries won't change that.

Sure, having the safety to be able to work on these issues is imperative. I just understood (not just having the theoretical knowledge, but I understood it with my heart) that my food issues and other issues won't magically disappear because I'm in a safe environment. I will have to do the work when I'm ready.

I still feel immense guilt while eating, even alone. especially alone, like I "don't deserve it" or I have to "earn it", even though I hate eating in public and being watched while I eat (make it make sense).

I feel like I'm doing "something bad" or "something wrong". I feel like I'm almost "committing a crime" every time I eat alone. I feel I'm justified to eat only if someone else is also eating at the time or if I'm eating with someone else like at a social event. You can see how disordered this is...it leads me to eat extremely fast to end the guilt, to end the "dirty deed" that is eating a wholegrain high fibre toast topped with parmesan cheese, cucumber slices, cherry tomatoes, thinly sliced bell pepper and fresh basil, just by myself for breakfast...

Eating fast and the feeling of intense guilt, plus not giving time to my brain to catch up with the "I'm full" signal leads me to...you guessed it! Eating more. And more. Which leads to a binge. Sometimes I binge as a form to punish myself for that initial toast.

Eating disorders thrive in secrecy, so I do all of this as hidden as possible and I keep up the façade of the "perfect girl" who I'd love to be...but I'm not. The "Healthy Queen" who takes her vitamins, cooks her own meals, cares about her health, exercises regularly and looks good as a result of her effortless healthy lifestyle, not as the result of being enslaved by her own demons, tortured 24/7 by them.

I have so much to heal from...not just the traumatic events that happened during the past few months and other similar events, but from things that I've been carrying since before starting primary school.

[hydetheghost]

"if food is all i think about, then I don't deserve to live"

...k, but my thoughts circle around f$0d 27/7, so...I should be long dead? Sighhhhh