#rewinder at best price

[findmeinthefallair]

The contrast is so poignant when it comes to Belos isolating Hunter for years and instilling the fear of wild magic, versus Hunter's future in carving palismen to connect with nature and with others.

We have his signature gloves as part of all his outfits before he went to the human realm, representative of that isolation and fear: Belos wanting to keep 'Caleb' to himself, wanting to prevent Hunter from forging connections and thus finding freedom. The gloves come off once Hunter has room to create and experiment and explore.

During the many many months in between him beginning to learn the palismen-carving craft and us seeing him mastering it in the epilogue, there would've been many setbacks. Many cuts and splinters via mistakes (thus, more wounds and scars...small, but numerous) and bandages on his hands, like what happened with the sewing needle. Thus, many times when he was reminded of what happened with his best friend. I can imagine that on the more difficult days of learning under Dell, remorse and horrible memories eating into him, he'd be more at risk of leaving more cuts because it would be harder to focus. There would've been days where he got close to giving up.

In his arc, this changed everything:

He was found by a free-spirited, strong-willed palisman.

This was when things began to be truly dangerous:

but by then he gathered enough courage to finally question Belos directly.

What a high price to pay. Recovery from trauma is certainly that way in real life too. But it led him on that path towards transformation, towards what he truly wanted.

In his old life, he'd point a staff at others to intimidate, to instill fear, and be Belos's instrument in furthering a cause that Hunter didn't truly support.

In the future, he generously gives palismen to others from the heart, via new creations made with his own hands, to bring more love, connection and wonder into the world. Letting others live out their truth via the bonds forged with their new palismen, the same kind of truth he himself had to fight so hard for.

If we rewind back to what the Bat Queen said in Hunting Palismen:

contrast that with this point in Hunter's arc:

Still blocked and numbed out from fully experiencing the worst thing he had ever been through: being possessed and in that process, slaying Flapjack.

Willow and Gus had just began to reach that vulnerability within him, moving him with their love and support (which is why the anger he had for around 2/3 of For the Future began to subside).

But it wasn't enough.

In the finale, he gets some temporary respite and relief:

But I believe the real gruelling work was to begin beyond this exact point:

More vulnerability ahead, to pave the way for healing.

Putting the scene of him looking at the old Flyer Derby photo (in For the Future) next to the scene where the Bat Queen sums up what palismen are all about...it indicates to me how steep the climb would be to connect with the full range of his emotions and memories, which parallels his development under Dell's mentorship. To bring some beauty out of that horror he has endured. To bring about the conviction that yes, he deserved Flapjack's gift, from Flapjack's sacrifice.

It would've been years before he would confidently and effortlessly rest in the truth of who he really is, and who he would like to be (remember his "Even if I'm not who I'm supposed to be, I like who I am right now" in front of the mirror, right before getting possessed?).

Liberating himself from enmeshment with his violent abuser and that old life, a process he'd have to repeat again and again even beyond Belos's death. Changing that narrative of "supposed to":

into freely choosing the person he would like to become after Flapjack granted him love and literal life. We receive the one clue that he wanted to freely choose, as early as this scene:

When it comes to palismen, we have "emotion" and "conviction" and also the deepest wishes that witches have in their hearts.

For emotion to flow freely, there must be vulnerability, generosity and love: Hunter integrating even the most difficult emotions into his story.

For him to grow into acceptance of his future major role, it would have involved wrestling with many questions to reach that place of conviction.

[dalekofchaos]

Dark!Max Caulfield au

So after looking at a piece of fanart by tovanori

I was inspired to write this post on what a dark version of Max Caulfield would look like My dark Chloe au post

So saving William is the decision on what makes Alternate Max a member of the Vortex Club. What could make Max Caulfield dark? I've come up with multiple ideas

This Max in all three different timelines would wear red and black. Red and black three piece suits or Black hoodie and Red Coyote shirt to symbolize how different this Max would be.“The coyote is a complex dream symbol. … The appearance of a coyote in a dream may symbolize a lack of ambition or a weakness of some kind. It may also indicate that you are attacking those around you who are weaker and can't defend themselves as well. Coyotes represent “tricky” and unexpected elements in life.“ “A Navajo saying holds that if Coyote crosses your path, turn back and do not continue your journey. The coyote is an omen of an unfortunate event or thing in your path or in the near future.“

This is a Max Caulfield who never meets Chloe Price, without Chloe in her life, Max turns cold and more introverted. Only having a morbid sense of photography and her sense of style catches Jefferson's eye. He helps her perfect her craft and lets her in on the dark room. And after taking this apprenticeship, Max's ability to rewind awakens and she uses it to help Jefferson perfect their art. Max lures them under the guise of friendship and a smile, but that smile is bait. Max, Jefferson and Nathan work together to perfect their models, but what changes is Max and Nathan fall in love. Because of this, Nathan is not fixated on Rachel Amber. Max helped Nathan in becoming a more stable and dependent person and Max is the person who helps Nathan achieve the Prescott destiny with Max by his side.

Nathan kills Chloe before her eyes, Nathan kills himself and this leaves Max traumatized. This leaves Max vulnerable and malleable to be indoctrinated and groomed by Jefferson to becoming his new apprentice. Max becomes detached, cold and ruthless. She acts as the bait for the victims and doeses them and delivers the new models to Mark while he photographs them in the dark room and after Jefferson is done, Max disposes of them. It starts as just wanting a new partner, but soon blossoms into obsessive love. Mark loving Max and Max loving Mark and both willing to killing anyone that comes between them. Her powers never come and the storm never arrives. All that's left is Jefferson and Max working together to find the perfect muse for their sick obsessions and no one would ever expect them while they masquerade as the famous photographer and his prized pupil and as lovers, in reality they are wolves among the sheep.(I don't ship the cursed ship, I just felt it was the darker direction for this timeline)

This is a Max who has lived in Seattle all her life, Victoria Chase is her childhood best friend and she meets Mark Jefferson earlier than she would in canon. Jefferson offers to take Max on as his apprentice and Max is so enamored by the famous photographer and her parents couldn't be more thrilled. Jefferson helps Max to become a better photographer, helps her become more confident in her abilities, give Max a sense of style and flair and lets Max in on his true nature and to his surprise, she doesn't flinch, in fact she offers to help him with his victims and gets Victoria to join them. While Victoria flinched at first, she came around. As long as she's with Max and her favorite artist, it's all worthwhile to Victoria. Victoria would be who lures the models while Max and Victoria went to work. The Chases would help finance their "projects" because having a renowned photographer like Jefferson in their gallery is an opportunity they cannot pass up and thinks Victoria's idol will be the role model she desperately needed. Eventually they move shop to Arcadia Bay. Get in touch with the Prescotts and help set up the Dark Room. Eventually Nathan becomes a problem and Victoria tries to help him and Nathan lashes out, Max witnesses this and sees Nathan trying to kill her and that's when her powers manifest. Victoria goes to Max and they begin to plan Nathan's downfall. But as Nathan falls, Jefferson notices and feels Victoria has become a distraction to Max and tries to kill her. Max makes the hard choice. Her best friend and the girl she loves or Jefferson her mentor. Max lures Jefferson into a trap. When he thinks he has Victoria at her mercy, Max doses him and ties him up. Jefferson loses it, raging at her for betraying him after all she did for her and demands she unties him and kills Victoria. Max gets the gun and says "It's like you always taught me, Mark. Always take the shot" and just like that, Jefferson is dead. They go back to Arcadia Bay and see the storm raging. They make it to the lighthouse and see all the destruction. Victoria is distraught and asks Max what they should do. Max kisses Victoria and says "fuck it, let's blow this town and go back home." All that matters to this Max is Victoria and she'll be damned if Jefferson or a freak storm will take her from her.

[sergeantwoods]

soap needed some time - some time to rewind. after missions, depending on how they were, he'd feel... overwhelmed. mind reeling, going over everything that had happened. he needed his journal to write down what he felt, how he felt, what had happened, so that he wouldn't have to remember it after. it was nice.

and he'd draw too, if he was feeling the urge to sketch something down.

and it was fucking gorgeous right now. they were in al mazrah, some in and out mission to gather intel. it was just the four of them, just soap, ghost, price and gaz. he (personally) liked those missions the most.

laswell set up this safehouse for them, just for the night, because tomorrow morning, exfil would come and pick them up. they each had their own rooms, small with a twin sized bed that was probably too small for any of them - but that was fine, soap probably wasn't going to sleep in a while. he'd go back to his room when he felt like it.

his gazed swept over the desert, the sun slowly sinking over the belt of amber sand in the distance. everything was lit in an ethereal orange glow, his already tan skin practically glowing. (he wasn't saying that to make himself feel pretty, no sir.)

he had his journal in one hand, pen twirling idly in his fingers of the other as he watched the sunset. he had written down everything in his journal about the mission, and now, with this view - he wanted to draw.

but - he felt as though he couldn't capture it. the otherworldly beauty couldn't be caught on paper. he had two pens - one thick, one thin - but that didn't matter really. the colors, the colors are what he wanted to draw.

fuckin' hell, he'd die for some pencils or markers even watercolor, but he isn't bringing any of that to a mission. that's bordering childish. it's nice to be childlike every once in a while, no?

he leaned back onto the roof, shutting his eyes and letting out a small breath. it's nice. pretty, and the weather is perfect. he'd stay here for the rest of his life, if he could.

the almost silent padding of feet approaching him made him open one eye to glance scornfully at the intruder. he immediately softened, though, seeing ghost.

leaning forward, soap patted the spot next to him, uncrossing his legs and letting them swing off the edge of the building. ghost came to stand beside soap, slowly crouching down to sit next to him.

they just sit there. quiet, excluding the shuffles of ghost shifting his weight around and soap sketching on paper.

soap pulls away from his paper, turning to stare at ghost.

the man was bathed in a tawny light, white mask basking in beige-ish cream sunlight. he turned to look at soap, tilting his head slightly as if asking, what's on your mind?

"did you know, after death the human brain lives on for seven minutes?" soap asked, quietly. his gaze slid away from ghosts, settling on focusing again on his paper before adding with a shrug, "to replay it's best memories,"

he felt ghost press closer to soap slightly, then murmured back, "yeah? that's cool to think about."

"aye."

it's quiet for a few seconds before soap continues.

"you'd be my seven minutes."

-

i saw something about this and i had to write it but ghoap

but yay, yippee, zoinks ,,,!!! the writings bad because i didnt care!!!

take some fucking ghoap you loser /j

[slay-the-heroine]

Let's assume I'm telling the truth and all of this really did already happen. Why should I listen to you? Why should I bother doing anything?

The Narrator:

Those are two very different questions, but fine. I'll indulge you if that's what it takes to get you moving.

The Narrator:

Let's say for a moment that this really is the second time you've met me, or, at least, a version of me.

The Narrator:

If you're back here, I'm assuming you died, which probably only happened because you didn't listen to me.

Voice of the Smitten:

You were the one that turned her against us, making us into enemies.

Voice of the Prince:

We tried our best to do the right thing, and you tore it from us. You made us attack her.

The Narrator:

Oh, I wonder why. Maybe it's because the entire world was at stake. No single person is worth that price.

Voice of the Smitten:

I challenge that.

The Narrator:

I'm not going to argue with you. I'm just going to take a deep breath and assume that whoever is making the decisions here had the common sense to ignore your blind insistence.

The Narrator:

Anyways, I believe your second question was "what's the point of doing anything?" If you're asking that, it sounds to me like you're making the rather dangerous assumption that your actions last time around didn't have any consequences.

Voice of the Prince:

There weren't consequences. She got mad at us for trying to kill her, we died, and now everything's right back to where it was. No harm done.

The Narrator:

Yes, but, in this hypothetical scenario, that begs the question of how you got back here. Did "time" simply rewind itself, or were you instead transported to a different world entirely?

The Narrator:

If it's the latter, what do you think happened after you died?

The Narrator:

Do you think the people there got a happily ever after? Or do you think that the Heroine, left unhindered, brought about the end to everyone and everything, just like I told you she would?

Voice of the Smitten:

She may have been upset with us, but she is not the kind of lady that would end the world. She is just hurt and misguided, and you unfairly trapped her there to die.

The Narrator:

You think she is... misguided? Because she killed you? Are you hearing yourself?

>>>

[elliebellyboo]

Keeper of the Lost Cities: Forevermore (fanfic)

Preface:

“Sophie?”

She tried to reply to her friends, but couldn’t speak. It was like this mysterious voice that had been haunting her all this time, had finally decided to take control.

It was worse than being drugged.

Worse than being numb.

And there was no way she could escape it.

The voice spoke inside her head once again,

“I am the moonlark.”

Chapter 1

Sophie tried to sleep. But she just couldn’t. All the images of the horrible fight with lady Gisela played on repeat, like someone was rewinding a movie over and over again. And it was getting kind of annoying. Sophie wanted to shove all the memories into a mental box labeled: DO NOT OPEN EVER AGAIN

But the box just wouldn’t lock.

And it was the middle of the night.

She needed a distraction.

As much as she would love to down some slumber berry tea and escape into cloudy dreams, she knew it wouldn’t make the memory go away.

Sophie threw off her covers and crossed to her desk. She pulled out the tattered journal that held all her important notes inside. Notes about the black swan, the never seen, lady Gisela…

Basically anything mysterious and important in her life. And defeating lady Gisela, at the moment, was very important. They had to stop her huge plans before she could complete the third and final step of Stellarlune, The project shed been working on since before Keefe was born. It’s something she’s “preparing” him for. But by doing that resulted in lots of hurt and abuse for her son.

Sophie flipped to the page in her journal that read “Things I know about Lady Gisela”

Everything in the journal she’d already read at least a hundred times. But there was nothing that could help here figure out Gisela’s plans. Keefe’s mom was too smart. Too cunning. Too mysterious.

Sophie sighed and closed the journal. She laid her head down on her desk.

Everything had been so messed up lately. And tomorrow, Sophie would have to go to school among it all. Couldn’t she get a pass for trying if to save the Lost Cities from some huge power that Lady Gisela created?

No. Of course not.

Sophie was the moonlark, but she was also a teenager, who, guess what? Wants to be a normal girl that does normal things. Things like having sleepovers, failing class and having a boyfriend.

Well, she already had the boyfriend part down. 

Keefe Scencen, was, in Sophie’s opinion, the best guy ever. They had only started dating a few weeks ago, but it was really…nice.

Keefe was kind, funny and caring. Not to mention he was very cute. He had creatively messy blonde hair and the most stunning ice blue eyes. He was everything Sophie had ever dreamed. But with that dream, came the price of making another boy (a complicated one), jealous in the process.

She so didn’t mean to make Fitz upset. It was her life, and she was allowed to kiss whoever she wanted.

Even then…her and Fitz’s friendship was still rocky. Of course, the truth healed some wounds. But Sophie still remembered the hurt look and the shine in his teal eyes as she confessed.

She’d have to forget about that for now, and she hoped Fitz would forget it too.

Because Sophie didn’t need any more drama in her life at the moment.

Sophie stood up from her desk chair and tucked herself back in bed. 

She’d figure it all out soon. It was only a matter of time.

[pristinekanesays]

 🦋 Life Is Strange: Mental Health Headcanons

 🦋 warnings: heavy topics, mentions of psychical and verbal abuse, mentions of mental illness, kate's suicide attempt, a gif of warren beating the shit out of nathan which is funny to me, mentions of my literal enemy mark jefferson

 🎧 A/N: I was feeling a little silly, goofy even. This idea popped into my head as I was writing some relationship headcanons but I decided to write this instead, the relationship headcanons will be out later today though probably or tomorrow. ツ (this took like 9 hours)

 🦋 Chloe Price:

  💾 An attachment to Rachel who turned out to be just really only leading her on and giving her false hope, a dead father who she keeps seeing in her brutal nightmares, an abusive stepfather who we see hit her after a certain choice and has probably hit her before on several occasions, a mother who rarely takes her side and a best friend that's dipped only to come back and not tell her.

   📼Her emotions can change in a split second from 0% to 100% almost immediately, she's seen smoking which she probably uses to drift away from reality and ease the way she feels.

  📝I think that from research and playing the game that Chloe has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), from her trust and abandonment issues, being unable to take control of her emotions and the meltdown she had in Chaos Theory.

  🍂Kate Marsh:

 💾 Kate is so deeply traumatized by what Nathan did to her, drugging her and promising that he'll take her to a hospital (he lied to her, he's an asshole). Only for Victoria to spread a video of her kissing complete strangers for the whole school, town and her extremely religious family to see.

  📼Her room is unclean and messy, things are spread across the floor including books and clothes, when she's at her desk she looks noticeably tired with red, puffy eyes from crying. Inside her room, it's dark and her mirror is covered up (afraid to look at herself, i think she's beautiful by the way.) When she's on the roof threatening to jump, she's correct that we don't know her mother but she apparently thinks that Kate is already on her way to hell.

 📝I think from how her behaviour is in the game that she has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) & Depression.

 📷 Max Caulfield:

 💾 She's gone through hell and back, watching her best friend get shot and finding out that she has literal powers that can rewind time. Then having to rewind and save Kate's life, rewinding to stop Victoria from going to Mark Jefferson and ending up in the dark room, saving Chloe from getting killed by a train and shot by Mark, finding Rachel's dead body and ending up in the dark room herself.

  📼Max seems to be pretty socially awkward and just focuses on photography entirely, she probably struggles making friends and communicating with others.

  📝I think that Max has Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD), from her tending to avoid certain social decisions and her problems communicating with other people. Also, she could possibly have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) after the Life Is Strange events take place, from her time in the dark room and constantly having to rewind and save Chloe's life.

 🎭Rachel Amber:

 💾 Rachel sort of has to have everyone's eyes on her, you know? The popular girl that everyone knows, especially after she goes missing. Finding out that her dad's cheating on her mom, who turns out to actually not be her biological mother, that shit would fuck with anyone's head.

  📼She's described as a huge flirt from the way she acts with Frank and Chloe but she's leading them both on at the same time, putting a huge strain on both of their relationships. Chloe's convinced that Frank is a huge creep (a little) especially since he has her bracelet but Chloe refuses to believe that Rachel would have did that to her. (going behind her back, lying to her.)

 📝Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD), it seems to describe her and her behaviour pretty well. Her emotions, her powers , how she started a whole fucking wildfire and her very unhealthy behaviour.

 🎬 Victoria Chase:

 💾 The Queen Bee! It's obvious that she was born into a wealthy family due to her expensive jewellery, clothes and very expensive camera equipment. (I see why Nathan and Victoria get along, they're both rich people who slightly get on my nerves.)

  📼From what she said to Max, it's obvious that she's jealous of her and probably afraid she'll take the spotlight or her place probably. She wants to be liked, the center of attention and if she isn't then she'll have a fucking fit. (I'm gonna have a BF, a bitch fit!) It's also obvious that she's very close with Nathan and aware of his unstable behaviour, their relationship can be seen as romantic or just friends. (i don't ship them, more like brother & sister.)

 📝It says on her profile that she could possibly have Histrionic Personality Disorder (HPD), seductive behaviour, self-centeredness and constantly seeking reassurance or approval.

 🎮 Warren Graham:

 💾 It's my favourite dork! He's literally 16 and in a school specifically for seniors, smart much? It's said that he probably advanced a couple grades on his profile due to him being pretty smart.

 📼He's seen a few times fidgeting around, he's literally unable to stay still apart from when he's getting his picture taken. He acts without thinking like how he beat Nathan Prescott's ass (twice) and I get the vibe he'd also struggle focusing on certain tasks.

 📝I couldn't find anything on Warren but personally i think he has Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) from what I said earlier, he's unable to stay still, acts without thinking and struggles focusing on certain tasks. (like loving me back)

 🧨 Nathan Prescott:

 💾 He's a horrible person and I don't defend this man but I do feel bad for him, physically and verbally abused by his own father, used by Mark Jefferson all because he's rich and easy to manipulate. He went down all the dark paths in the world for a fucked up dickhead (i literally despise mark jefferson, i will beat his ass.)

 📼It's obvious he's mentally unstable and everyone around him knows, they just don't care except for his therapist. It's heavily implied that he suffers from paranoia, anxiety and psychosis. From his scary ass drawings and a letter from his therapist directed towards his father detailing how Nathan is `disconnected from reality`.

📝Nathan is confirmed to have Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia from the medicine (Risperidone, from his profile) that he takes which is used to treat both of those things. And possibly, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) which could have been brought on by the abuse he endures from his father. (i'll beat his ass as well.)

[murfpersonalblog]

IWTV Ep4 - Rewind the Tape

"How does Claudia joining Lestat and Louis’ family affect or change them, separately and also as a couple?"

@iwtvfanevents

IMO, Lestat saved Louis' life, but Claudia gave Louis a reason to go on living. Cuz unfortunately for Lou, he thinks his value came strictly from external sources; the value other people put on him & judged him by--his career & socio-economic status; his worth as a Black man (a product of slavery and the literal value/prices put on Black bodies; how his role/actions affected "my people"); his orientation ("identifying as a homosexual," "embracing my sexuality"); and his place/dynamic within the nuclear family unit (at the DPDL estate, and at 1132 Rue Royale).

By Ep3, Louis had lost everything--out of business when Storyville was shut down; thoroughly disrespected by white racists at every turn, from Ordinance 4118's segregation bill & Finn O'Shea "a white man who used to work for me" burning down the Azalea after stealing his money to open his own "No Coloreds Allowed" competitor, to Tom & the Alderman screwing him over ("a dumb pimp who got robbed blind years ago"); his white husband cheating on him with a white woman that used to work for him & laughing in his face about it; and Lou dumping Les during the race riots on the night Lestat wanted to make "our anniversary."

But ironically, Les had a point about making that night their "anniversary:" a night of change, evolution, transformation & rebirth for ALL of them--most obviously for Claudia, the baby phoenix vampire rising from Storyville's ashes, but for Loustat too.

IWTV focuses on how Louis was affected & changed by gaining Claudia, first as a daughter & then as a "sister." She became his central axis--everything revolved around her. Louis had discovered what unconditional love truly meant.

That was something Lou'd NEVER experienced before. Everyone's love for him came with conditions, clauses, terms of service--from Grace's conservative judgementalism, to Paul's dogmatic religiosity, to his p.o.s. mother's resentment, hate & homophobia. The affection b/t Lou & Lily was a transaction bought & paid for. And where to even start with Monsieur "Without Apology" de Lioncourt. 😒 And in turn, Louis' love was tainted--he lost touch with Grace, he was blamed for Paul's suicide (and likely blamed himself sometimes), his relationship with his mother had been ruined LONG before he became a vampire, and Lestat...jfc.

But in Claudia, Louis could finally pour all of his love & attention & affection on someone who could love him back, tabula rasa, a newborn vamp who just wanted food, home, comfort, safety & love from him, with all a child's demanding.

Sadly, Claudia did NOT love Louis unconditionally. By the end, she genuinely hated him (and ofc Lestat), for all the ways he'd "dragged his family into this mess" (especially in Paris), and hopelessly "failed" her, and chose other men over her (regardless of whether or not he really DID, that was how SHE FELT). Lou'd learn the hard way in Merrick that NOTHING he'd given her had been enough.

As horrific as it was, Merrick was the best thing for Lou; forcing himself to face Claudia's ghost, her diaries, and her true feelings about him. In the end, he had to learn that loving people (and being loved) couldn't be a crutch, or his reason to keep living or not.

Lou'd HATED himself his entire life, deeply depressed & full of "self-loathing;" and after losing Claudia he couldn't pretend to be happy anymore (even w/ Armand, despite how long they stayed together).

Same goes for Lestat. For all his vain cocksure braggadocio, Lestat hated himself too. (Despite claiming he didn't in ToTBT.)

Lestat thought his value came from what he could provide/give/do for others--the gentle son who stayed by his mother Gabrielle when the Marquis & his horrid brothers abused them; the Wolfkiller who saved the town & hunted food for his family; the gallant hero/lover who rescued the damsel in distress & whisked them away on a whirlwind adventure/romance (Gabrielle, Nicki, Louis, etc). Whatever people wanted, he'd give them, lovebomber supreme.

This ultimately culminated in his role as the vampire Maker, the god of his own Savage Garden, creating the world through his image of what he felt the world was/should be like (a la the Chateau Era).

Cuz he suffered from chronic abandonment issues--everyone he'd loved most had betrayed him & left him--first & foremost God.

So it all snowballed from Lestat's own traumatic childhood, trying to find God (freedom, food, home, comfort, safety & love) but being dragged back into Hell over & over (LITERALLY in Memnoch).

And trying to connect with his fledglings & being abandoned over & over, as vampirism had turned Lestat into a monster/the Devil.

Claudia effed up Les' God Complex, but he needed that humbling. He needed to take accountability for all the things he'd done wrong, and the ways he'd failed as her Maker/Creator/Father. Cuz we know Les loved her deeply in the books--he just didn't know HOW to love.

Together, I think Loustat was most affected/changed by having Claudia in the way they were able to come back together and rekindle their love for e/o through loving Claudia--she really was an effective bandaid gluing them together, when Lou would've left Les in Ep3.

Claudia was an outlet for Loustat: she gave Louis someone he felt he could "do right" by (after he'd failed Grace & the kids), and she gave Lestat someone he could bond with as a sadistic vampire killer.

So yeah, Loustat (mostly Louis) did the best he could by Claudia, but we see where the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.

Ultimately, in the books, Loustat is only able to come together to "do right" by another daughter when they take in Rose; making up for the mistakes they made with Claudia. (But even there, we see the ways Rose still suffered from loneliness/abandonment, especially when Lestat over-corrected by giving her more freedom & autonomy by being more hands-off & distant, instead of overbearing & controlling.)

[stuckybingo]

It is time to Resurrect Stucky!

Reclists Part 5

Back in December, the call was put out for fans to create a Stucky Renaissance on Tumblr. We at Stucky Bingo are all about our two favorite centenarians and participants for this event helped to create a series of reclists for all of our fellow Stucky enthusiasts to enjoy.

This reclist is dedicated to Multi-Chaptered Fanfics and Series. Those long reads you save for the long flights and spend all night reading while telling yourself "just one more chapter" all while keeping it safe to read at work.

James Barnes: The Underworld's Best Friend by PerplexinglyParadoxialPerson, WinterSabbath (Teen, 31k) “I get called in every time these things happen.” James motioned to the room. “Then I offer my expertise.” Steve blinked. “Do these things happen often or something?” “Well, not to this magnitude, no.” At the blank look the team gave him, James shrugged. “Usually it’s a vampire forgetting they can’t prey on humans anymore. Or a banshee causing trouble in California. The occasional fairy goes on a chocolate-stealing spree and it’s my job to give them a stern talking to. That kinda stuff.” “Excuse me?” Tony held up a hand. “What the fuck?” In which Steve meets James Barnes—SHIELD’s consultant for all things supernatural—and discovers that there is a much bigger world waiting to be explored, and the man who introduces him to this world is a lot more charming than Steve expected.

Without You Here, We Are A Worse Version Of Who We’ve Been by endlesstwanted, Estelior (Teen, 10.9k) Bucky has to plan how to do his physical therapy when, by chance, he finds therapist and gym owner Steve’s videos on YouTube. Located two blocks away and encouraged by his roommate, Bucky goes and meets Steve, gets the help he didn’t know he needed, and a couple of things more in the way.

if I'm going to get back to you someday by napricot (Teen, 46k) “What’s the plural for a group of Steves?” asks Natasha, and it’s weirdly comforting that the question has a hint of whimsical hysteria to it. Good, Bucky’s not the only one who’s not dealing well with all of this. “A clusterfuck,” he says. “A clusterfuck of Steves.” Despite how little sense his life has made since he got on a battlefield to fight a bunch of aliens, Bucky's pretty sure he knows exactly what's happened when a much older Steve appears after the mission to return the Infinity Stones: he left Bucky behind to get his much deserved happily ever after in the past. Only then another Steve shows up, and another. And Bucky realizes he still hasn't got any idea what's going on.What he does have is a whole lot of Steves, a fraught relationship with his own Steve, and tentative plans to leave. But the more Bucky talks to all these different versions of Steve, the more he begins to wonder if leaving really is what's best for him and his Steve, or if there's a way to make something new out of their long friendship.

Forgive Me If You Remember by Judeyjude (Teen, 53k, Warnings: Canonical Character Death, The Deaths Are Temporary) When they finally tumbled into bed, Bucky straddled Steve and said, “Just because we danced, doesn’t mean you can die.” Steve pulled Bucky down and kissed him slowly. “Never,” he whispered in Bucky’s ear. Part 1: In which Bucky yells at a National Icon, grieves the aftermath of the world losing half its population, and somehow falls in love along the way. Part 2: When time rewinds five years, everything Bucky had ever wanted suddenly becomes true—to have his family back. The price paid? Worldwide memory loss.

No Such Men Return by glasscaskets (Teen, 52k, Warnings: Period Typical Attitudes, Non-Consentual Body Modification, Body Horror, PTSD, Implied Torture) When he is thirteen, Bucky Barnes decides he has to learn to fight to protect the people he loves. This singular mission never really stops. OR: Filling in the gaps of three Captain America movies and the life and times of James Buchanan Barnes and the first and best thing he ever loved: Steve Rogers.

take my hand (take my whole life too) by SgtGraves, spinawren (Teen, 36k) HYDRA may have been revealed and taken down in the span of a few hours, but the repercussions are far more extensive. Steve Rogers, now ex-SHIELD agent, expects to be feeling them in his life for years. What he didn't expect was for them to reach into him and change the most fundamental thing he thought he knew about himself - that he doesn't have a soulmate.

Stop Trolling Me! by GoodbyeBlues (Teen, 21k) When the dust had settled and James was collecting his $10 winnings to the congratulations of the other Bingo patrons, Steve not included, Steve vowed that next week he would not be pulled into the sexy vortex of this Bingo playing bad boy. If Steve never saw James, darling of the Bingo hall, Russian sex God, and ruthless troll collector again, he would be fine. Just fine. ... A.K.A Oblivious Steve is very bad at having an arch-enemy. (Particularly because he confuses 'dating' with 'acts of war.')

Faith, Trust, and Pixie Venom by ReformedTsundere (Teen, 19k) Steve Rogers has a secret. By day, he's a scrawny illustrator with bad lungs who can barely get up the rickety stairs to his apartment. By night, he's known as Captain, a mage of extraordinary power and a fighter for justice.

Beyond the Yellow Book Road by crinklefries (Teen, 30k) Before he was Captain America, he was Steve Rogers, knobby kneed and wild-eyed, with scrapes on his knuckles and a book in his hands. In 1942, he leaves for war and eventually crashes the Valkyrie. That's only the beginning of his story. In 2011, Steve's body is dragged from ice off the coast of Greenland. In 2015, he meets a bookstore clerk. This is what happens when a superhero loses his way home and the only way back is through the Yellow Book Road.

This Feeling We Carry In Our Souls by jinlinli (Teen, 26k, Warnings: Panic Attacks) Bucky hasn’t seen his own soul mark in seven years, not since a doctor sawed off his left arm to save his life. So it’s a little bit of a shock when he walks into Stark Tower and sees at least a dozen people with his soul mark proudly emblazoned on their skin. And that’s how Bucky finds out he’s soulmates with Captain fucking America.

Infinite Coffee and Protection Detail by owlet (Teen, Series, 264k, Warnings: PTSD, Panic Attacks, Dissociation) The mission resets abruptly, from objective: kill to objective: protect

Workplace Hazards by AggressiveWhenStartled (Teen, Series, 33k) Today, Peter was honest-to-god going to see Captain America himself up close, in person, and not from a rooftop or tiny crevice like a creepy stalker fanboy. Even better, he was going to watch Steve Rogers make history by soldiering his beleaguered way through the most intensely awkward and honestly ridiculous press conference in the history of ever-- jaw thrust out and spine ramrod straight. Trying hard to be polite and respectful in the face of adversity. While a bunch of assholes with cameras and microphones shouted at him about Iron Man’s adolescent dick.

[ghostflowerhotpotch]

I feel like no one talks about the whole mumbattan sequence can you do a deep dive on that one

Oh Mumbattan, there is so much to unpack.

What I mean like that is that we have a lot of stuff going on not just on screen, but Miles and Gwen as well, which a lot of changes thanks to the circumstances and characters of screen. If it took me two posts to talk just about a portion of the Clock Tower scene, I am sure Mumbattan is going to be multiple.

They will probably be short since I think there are a lot of moments not necessarily connected to the ones before, that I think that deserve their own post, etc.

So let's start Mumbattan with the actual beginning, or at least the beginning of Gwen's and Miles interactions in Mumbattan.

As per custom, we start a little earlier since set up is important.

(Side note, I just lost half of the original post because Tumblr is a nightmare to use for post and I will probably fist fight whoever coded this if given the chance. So the writing and the screenshots may be a bit rough because I am pissed.)

Something that caught my attention while rewinding this scene, was Gwen's exchange and behaviour towards the spot here.

I think is good time to remember that Gwen is probably an internal mess right now.

She knew she blew up with The Spot, she got cocky, thought the guy was going to be easy, and focused on Miles more than in her mission.

Gwen is in a tough position right now, she is basically homeless, she needed to abandon her old life, her home and the people in her life; none of those things are easy, let alone when you are forced to and being a teen.

The Spidersociety seems kind of a like a dream come true at first, and she is happy to be in it; but we can see how she is still missing certain things the society just cannot give her. A company is not a replacement for family and friends. I honestly believe part of the reason she is hyped about it is because she wants to focus on the positives to avoid the negatives.

Seeing Miles was a gamble, one where she risked too much by refusing to leave his side, and she may pay the price for this; she earlier was looking extremely shaken at the idea of being sent home.

While she is having all of this, it didn't escape me the longing and the defeat in her face when she say goodbye to Miles without knowing he was there. That is also weighting on her.

Not gonna lie, is funny that a character that feels so entitled to people react the way he wants (like he asking the guy he was robbing to not make this a bad experience for him,) accidentally say something that for him is just a comment, but DAMN I can imagine how much it had to sting for Gwen.

The reason I brought up the other screenshots and this close up of Gwen, is to pay attention to her masks.

I had mentioned in other post, the masks are extremely expressive for what they are, which is a handy way to show expressions when you are character's face is hidden.

In multiple shots, Gwen looks angry; this isn't like the battle with Vulture when even after almost getting her face sliced she was just back to cracking jokes and not taking stuff too seriously, just the regular amount of a spidey.

This isn't a joke to her, this is important, and she isn't in a good mood already. So her doing a joke that feels tired isn't shocking.

But while The Spot was just talking about the joke, after letting down her mentor, underestimating what Lila determined as a canon killer for MULTIPLE universes, and having trouble getting a hold of the guy; hearing "That's the best you can do?" Had to suck.

(While going for Miles's frame, I realized Gwen just looks angrier before she hears him; which is to say. DAMN Miles you really picked a bad time.)

You know? Something I like to do in my writing, is bring scenarios that are different in context but the basics of it repeat as to carry a meaning behind it, reinforcing an idea either for the characters who are seeing the pattern (or think to see a pattern,) or the audience.

Some of it can be wishful thinking but this movie has much going on that I bet a lot of what I am picking up was meant to be that way.

This particular moment is interesting because Gwen is just dealing with a mess that happened because she was prioritizing Miles over her mission, and what happens shortly after?

Miles distracts her from the villain, which also gets him an opening to kick her and escape.

Damn.

You may be wondering why bring those frames of Gwen falling and Miles finally getting her, this is important for two things.

One, this will go to show something later about the importance of team and the tragedy of the spider people (that would be their own post because I had a lot to say, and a scene in particular during this sequence scared the living shit out of me, 3 times.)

But another factor is this is all quietly reinforcing in Gwen's mind, how she shouldn't had gotten to see Miles.

Not only did she lost her shot to capturing The Spot as his most vulnerable (because let's face it, if Gwen went to him without his ability to make holes it would had been done in less than 2 minutes,) she also lost track of him again thanks to Miles. And now she is having trouble with her footing.

Miles is lucky the circumstances kind of support his stance, and that he is cute.

In most movies I will see a guy following the girl he likes I say that's a red flag of the size of a house. But considering everything I can't really blame him.

He doesn't know how much is at stake, or how much can get worse; but he knows that The Spot is doing this partially thanks to him, and he may be filling guilty for assuming he was already done for when he wasn't. And now the girl he likes is in deep shit because of this, and he has more information than the rest.

(Or he should, Miguel seems to have eyes everywhere, no idea how much he knows about the Spot.)

It was still stupid? For sure, he really has no way home, has never done dimension hoping, and certainly didn't think about glitching before this.

But his heart is in a good place.

Yeah Gwen is still pissed regardless.

I think even if Miles has the best intentions she doesn't appreciate being followed, doesn't appreciate having him as is another thing she needs to be juggling in this situation, which is a lot already.

We will talk about the falling scene better, because that deserves it's own post, and also that scene made me suffer in theatres so I will get my compensation by rambling later about it.

This is something I will come back later, probably more than once. Not gonna lie the first time I saw this movie this hurt (And that was before getting as obsessed with this ship as I am now, mind you,) and it only got worse seeing it a second time when you know what will happen.

Regardless, is ties nicely to the rest of this post. Gwen is stress out, conflicted about her role as a spiderwoman and just being a teen, and in the heat of the moment, she does think that seeing him and trying to get that connection with the circumstances at hand is a bad idea.

Once again, heat of the moment, I think she would had probably continue being mad if the things that happened didn't happen; but I think this will come back later on by her realizing that she wasn't getting blindsided by Miles, but the organization.

[urfavslav]

my first attempt at cap. price characterization. gn reader. platonic. comfort4hurt. my speciality >:) thank you larkin for proofreading this <3

it's been weeks since you've been formally introduced to the task force, and nothing's gone wrong per say, it just felt off.

you were a spectacular soldier, being transfered and moved around to different teams was your normal, even picking up the callsign 'nomad' from others. although, your history of traveling around came with a price, you were shuffled around like a card from a deck. you wanted to gain some sort of connection, friendship.

that project had been abandoned a while ago. having decided to forgo a human companionship and any mutual emotions, you were cold, cruel even to anybody who tried to get close.

this task force seeming slightly different you kept your walls up, assuming you'd be out of here after some big mission. but no, time has passed and you've had slips, letting your cold, hard, façade crack. warmth seeping through. of course the members started to notice, slipping in a observant question here and there.

"you doing alright ?" a friendly face you'd come to know as 'john price' had sneaked beside you right outside of the base, starting up a conversation. you mindlessly nodded to his question. "what's up?" the response had come out bluntly, like an attempt to get him off your case.

"nothing, just wanted to check on you. you seem out of it." his cool blue eyes glazed over your figure, watching for clues of fatigue or such. "have you settled in well with the rest of the team?"

that was when all the memories came flooding back, nights where all you could do was replay the interactions of teammates like hitting a rewind button. where you could've possibly made them feign more interest before you were shipped off to some new team like a box of goodies. nights you spent listening to someone's video essay, desperate to have the comfort of hearing someone talk to you, imagining they were speaking directly to you. how pathetic ?

alas, it wasnt enough. you decided it was easier to block everybody out. a choice that wouldn't have been made without a lot of thought, but it seemed like the best idea to you. shutting out anybody rather than taking another chance.

you turned, focusing your attention on the captain, and somehow, it all came spilling out.

"I, I don't know..." your words came out in a blubbering mess, tears were quickly dropping over your cheeks as fast as you tried to wipe them up. "I've never been stationed in one place so long, and everybody is so kind. I haven't stayed this long to get to know a person this well. I want to be friends with them I just." you paused, smiling as you frantically wiped the remaining tears, "haven't been able to do so in so long."

and price just nodded, listening to each word that you said. he caught your attention, offering his open arms as a present of comfort while you just slid in them. "listen (name), it's alright. I don't think you're going anywhere as of yet, you can stay a while." he pulled back after a while, looking you in the eyes. "my team won't bite ... well maybe ghost but over all they're friendly people. opening up isn't the worst thing, maybe talk to em at lunch ?"

he gave your shoulder a light punch, before moving towards the door, "c'mon, it's cold outside."

★ all works belong to @urfavslav , do not repost on anywhere else with or without credit, do not plagiarise. thank you !

[bonesandthebees]

I would love some makeup and skincare tips if you're willing :)

-🌼

of course!! (these answers are very general/assuming you're starting from the very beginning. if you want more specific advice lmk just give me more specific questions)

so I've talked about skincare on here before so I'll put that at the bottom of this ask, and I'll start with make up instead this time

makeup takes a learning curve to figure out how to use. there's no getting around that. it took years for me to figure out makeup stuff and I started playing around with it when I was only 12-13ish. don't feel embarrassed if your makeup doesn't turn out how you want. depending on what you're doing, you're basically learning how to paint but, like, really specifically and only on your face. it takes practice and that's ok! if you're embarrassed about people seeing you with makeup on, just do it alone in your room. the only reason I got good at winged eyeliner was because I made myself do makeup every day during the first quarantine era of covid so that I'd have a daily routine established and wouldn't just sit in pajamas in bed all day. I wasn't going out at all, so I made myself do winged eyeliner every time bc I knew no one was gonna see it, and it didn't take long for me to get good at it. so practice when you're alone and wipe it off when you're done. you'll figure it out eventually.

now as far as what kind of makeup to do on your face. well, that depends on what you're trying to achieve with makeup. do you want to cover up acne? do you want to do fun eyeshadow and eyeliner? do you want to enhance your natural features? if you're completely new to makeup I'd recommend starting with the basics of just trying to enhance your natural features. that's usually very simple and easy makeup that'll help you learn the foundations of it all so you can build up from there.

'natural' makeup routines that you read about online are probably going to consist of some kind of tinted moisturizer, maybe some concealer, maybe mascara, and probably a bit of blush. it depends on how much you want to do. if you're going for something with more coverage to cover up acne, look for foundation instead of tinted moisturizer.

if you're just starting out you're probably going to want to go for drugstore makeup instead of the expensive stuff. maybelline anti-age rewind multi-use concealer has been my go to concealer for years now. elf as a whole is a really low-priced and generally well recommended makeup brand with a lot of variety to what they sell. for whichever product you're trying to get, tbh just google 'best drugstore brand [insert product here]' and you'll find a ton of magazine articles pop up with recommendations.

last tips for now. here's what you don't need when you're just starting out: primer (you are probably not going to be doing heavy daily makeup right off the bat it's not worth it in that case). look, I know everyone talks about primer being amazing. but I basically never use foundation or tinted moisturizer, I just use concealer. so it's very unnecessary for me. later on you might find you need it, but at the start I promise you don't

hope that helps with some makeup stuff! skincare info below!

okay so for skincare, I've found that it's easiest to build a routine one step at a time. don't feel like you have to rush into everything all at once. first get into the habit of washing your face every morning and night if you don't already. make sure you have a good facial cleanser that's suited to your skin type (please don't use body soap for your face). cetaphil and cerave are both very highly rated drugstore skincare brands that have a lot of options for face cleansers for all skin types (oily, dry, sensitive, etc). then you need a moisturizer. again, I recommend either cetaphil or cerave to start off with bc of their low price point and how highly rated their products are. I use cetaphil daily face cleanser and cetaphil's daily oil free moisturizer with spf 35. definitely try to get one with spf in it because sun protection is the other essential part of a bare bones skincare routine. when looking for a face moisturizer, try to go for ones that say they're non-comedogenic which means they won't clog your pores. oil-free is probably preferable too especially if you have acne.

after you have the basics you can get into other stuff! this stuff is going to depend on what skin issues you have. there are a whole lot of serums out there you can look into (niacinamide I think is one of the best serums for most skin types and you can get a bottle of it from both good molecules or the ordinary for like $6). different serums are formulated to target different things, so again try to google stuff to see what might be most helpful for you. skincare brands besides cetaphil and cerave that I think are good to start out with is the ordinary (high quality at a very low price) and good molecules. neutrogena also has some pretty good products, and I really love elf's eye cream. but if you're really unsure where to start, the ordinary has an online quiz you can take on your site which will recommend products to you based off what you say your skin issues are, so even if you don't end up buying anything from them that can give you an idea of what products to start looking at.

[buterccup]

Masterlist💌

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare

Simon "Ghost" Riley:

"O sol e a lua" (SFW)

Summary: You've been talking to Alejandro, Rudy and the rest of 141 recently about your 'small' crush on a certain skull balaclava-wearing lieutenant and they (mostly Alejandro) decide to help you talk to the stoic man.

Silver bracelet (SFW) (Angst)

Summary: Guilt and sadness overwhelm Simon as he lays in his room looking up at the ceiling and his mind rewinds back to the days he treasured the most as he plays with your silver bracelet.

Captain John Price:

Papa Price is real (Platonic) (Male! reader)

Summary: Your father is finally coming home from his job for a while but unknown to you your father is bringing home some guests and maybe you might get along with them better than your father thought.

Father like daughter (platonic) (Fem! Reader)

summary: You haven't had the best of days but once you got home you were met with non-other than papa Price...but also a couple friends of his, and they are as shocked as you are once you both meet for the first time.

Gen Z! Reader/ Daffodil Series:

Gen Z! Reader in Task force 141 headcanons (SFW it's kinda obvious)

Gen Z! Reader in Task force 141 headcanons + König pt 2!

Trust us (Platonic) (Gn! Reader)

Summary: After a mission goes horribly wrong and past trauma is triggered you head straight to your room, eyes almost filled with tears, leaving your boy to wonder what you had to endure before you joined them and 'earned' the name Daffodil.

Task Force 141:

Sparring with THE Ghost (Male! Reader)

Summary: You somehow convinced Ghost to fight you but you couldn't help but laugh during your fight with Ghost which did get a reasonable reaction for your boys.

141 with a Male! Reader that can jump very high HCS

He will always be accepted (TransMale! Reader)

Summary: You were having a hard time with your body and kept it to yourself for a while leaving your team unaware until they finally catch on and give you all the validation you deserve and assure you, even without having the operation yet that you are a man. And they will always see you as one and be there to support you.

Crack posts with the besties:

"UH and I think..."

Popcorn🤭

Demon slayer

The last of us

Your Throne

Violet Evergarden

Devilman Crybaby

Black Butler

Omori

Sally Face

Obey me!

Record of Ragnarok

Poseidon:

Ocean child tears

summary: Being the adopted child of the one and only Poseidon made a lot of people think you were just as cold-hearted as the Ocean tyrant. But during the third round of Ragnarok, and you witness something that you wished so many times to be a sick joke, the humans and gods finally saw who you were.

Beastars

Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid

Elma Joui:

Elma Joui NSFW headcanons

Creepypasta

Jeff the Killer:

Jeff the killer NSFW headcanons (Fem! Reader)

Hoodie/Brain Thomas:

Hoodie/Brian Thomas NSFW headcanons (AFAB! Reader)

Eyeless Jack:

Eyeless Jack NSFW headcanons (Gn! Reader)

Masky/ Tim:

Masky/ Tim SFW and NSFW headcanons (Gn! Reader)

James Cameron's AVATAR

[femininexrage]

🍒 OPEN 🍒

Lily smiled. "Well how long are you planning on staying in town? The price will depend on that. Now if you books now for three nights I have give you a deal. $90 bucks, now listen I know it sounds cheap and you're thinking what's the catch? Well, the wifi is crap and we get about four good TV stations, but we do have VHS rentals. I recommend The Lost boys, but be kind and rewind. Also there's muffins fresh in the morning made by yours truly and cookies in the evening. There's coffee all day but I will say. I'm not the best at making it."

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Meteor Shower (Part 15)

TW: Suicide & Self Harm

She should probably consider herself lucky taking all things into account; she has these uncontrollable tremors but isn’t convulsing, she is touchy and agitated even beyond her usual demeanor but she isn’t hallucinating. 

The fatigue is worse.

The nausea is worse.

The depression is worse.

The nightmares are growing steadily more intense. Mostly she doesn’t remember them. But Bloom is quite adamant that she thrashes in her sleep. Enough so that she had called Darcy in several times over. A blend of witch and fairy magic had, supposedly gotten her to go still once more. But she never sleeps through the night. And her head always hurts.

Sleeping, eating, combing her hair, brushing her teeth, functioning in general simply hasn’t happened since this whole process began. And she is exhausted. More deeply than she has ever been. Almost, anyhow. 

“Maybe you should go get some fresh air. I get that you're an ice witch but maybe you should still see sunlight every now and again.”

She is certain that there is some comeback to be had but she can’t come up with anything witty. She can barely muster coherent sentences. “Don’t like sunlight.” Is the best that she can do. 

“Well then I guess that I’ll have to bring the sunlight to you!” Bloom pulls the curtains. “If you don’t like it you’ll just have to get up and close them.”

She very much doesn’t like it. 

But she won’t get up. 

The stream of light flooding over the bed deepens the pounding in her head. She drapes her arm across her eyes.

“I think that I just discovered a whole new way of listening to music, that you might enjoy!” Bloom declares. “So you skip to the thirty of a song and if you’re still not sure about it you can rewind to the middle of the track…”

She hates that very much.

“Have fun with that.”

Darkness, she can’t even quip and banter with Peters. 

Mostly she just lays there and stars at the ceiling or at her hand. Bloom keeps trying to make conversation but she has no energy to spare to uphold it. 

Now and then Darcy and Stormy pop in.

She is glad that they’re enjoying their extended stay on Darcy’s home planet. Apparently Darcy has shown Stormy all of the best spots. The only spots that she has seen are the ones that she has been counting on the ceiling. 

She is 48 hours in. 

She supposes some would say that it felt like 48 years, but to her it feels like no time passes at all. That she is simply suspended in a perpetual state of something that ranges from severe discomfort to complete suffering. 

Her whole life seems to dance between those two states. She thinks that she has felt joy and contentedness before but she is hard pressed to recall when.

She bunches herself up once more as a new onslaught of cramps plague her sides…the entirety of her abdomen really. She swears that her throat will rip if she vomits one more time. She is running out of energy to get her from the bed to the bathroom. 

She is running out of energy to keep this going. She could have a drink and then it will all subside, likely in an instant. 

But she wouldn’t make it down the stairs and to the hotel’s bar, even if she could, she doubts that they would serve her looking the way that she looks, carrying on the way that she carries on. And nobody else will fetch the drink for her. 

And so she suffers.

Suffers. 

Suffers. 

Endlessly. 

She just wants it to stop.

She wonders if Darcy can put her into some type of magically induced slumber. Maybe in a week she could wake up and feel normal. Could feel like herself.

Or better yet, maybe she could feel like someone else completely. 

She had killed Kyanite.

Maybe it is time to let Icy die too…

She feels the mattress dip. “If you want I could go get you a raspberry slushie or something. The bar has this half-priced smoothie event going on.” 

“Can I get a…”

“No, but you can get a non-alcoholic smoothie.” She declares as she slips through the doorway. Apparently the time to request specific flavors has come to pass. The fairy comes back with one such smoothie in her hand. Blue raspberry and cherry in flavor. Icy is not the biggest fan of cherry so she eats only the blue raspberry side and then flops back down onto the mattress. Bloom doesn’t say a word, but she doesn’t leave the mattress. She has taken to reading a comic book and does so in silence until Icy requests that old beat up CD player. Bloom doesn’t demand her to get up and get it herself. She simply fishes it out of her backpack and asks, “what CD do you want to listen to, I got some new stuff while I was out.” 

There is a tightness in her throat as she reaches for the player and she can’t place where it comes from. A tightness in her chest, when Bloom spreads them out on the bed and goes through all of the CDs she had bought. “Darcy said that you would probably like this one the best.” She puts an album in Icy’s hand. “But Stormy was adamant that you’d like this one. I don’t know if you actually will, I think that Stormy just wants you to listen to it, it seems more like her type of music.”

“Psychobilly?” Icy guesses.

“I don’t know what that is.” 

Normally she would enter a spiel about its rockabilly and punk-rock roots. Of course that would entail clarifying what rockabilly is as well and, typically, she wouldn’t mind the tangent. If she weren’t so thoroughly exhausted she would explain the vintage horror-movie aesthetics of psychobilly music and prattle of a decent list of bands. “Country music for goths.” She simplifies instead.

Bloom glances at the album cover. “Yeah, this album does look kinda like that.”

She will listen to it anyways.

She quite hates psychobilly music but it reminds her of Stormy and there’s a comfort in that. 

Bloom lays down next to her. She imagines that the fairy is getting tired of sleeping on the couch. She supposes that she will let her stay, if only to balance debts—Peters has been fetching food and drink for her, she’ll let her sleep in the bed tonight. 

The fairy puts her hand on Icy’s pounding forehead. “You feel really warm. For you anyways.” She feels the mattress shift and hears the faucet running. The fairy drapes a cool wash rag over her forehead. “Can I sleep on the bed tonight?”

Icy nods.

“Great! Maybe we can both get some sleep tonight!”

“Doubtful.” 

.oOo.

But she does sleep through the night. Her body still shivers now and then but not violently enough to shake her from sleep. Her expression is tight, a pained grimace complete with pinched brows and tightly squeezed eyes. 

Against her better judgment, Bloom takes one of the witch’s hands and strokes the back of it with her thumb. Icy rolls onto her side, a simple motion that has their foreheads touching. Bloom thinks to pull away but she doesn’t want to wake her. She imagines that Icy will shift positions again soon anyways. 

And she does.

She lays with her back to Bloom. 

In the deeper hours of the night the thrashing beings. She’d probably be satisfied to hear that she nailed Bloom right in the face. Bloom sighs. “I wish that I knew what you were dreaming about.” She probably doesn’t actually want to know. It seems pretty intense. 

She decides that she most definitely doesn’t want to know what is frightening enough to terrify a witch. A witch who prides herself on the obscene amount of horror movies and true crime documentaries that she has watched.

Bloom takes to rubbing small, comforting circles on her back. This seems to slow the thrashing. And so she keeps it up until she herself falls asleep. 

She wakes up in the witch’s arms, unable to tell who had clung onto who during the night. She quickly pulls herself out of Icy’s grasp…or releases Icy from her own grasp. She thinks that they might have been holding each other. 

Her entire face is red. She can only imagine how mortified Icy would be if she knew. So maybe she should just leave her in ignorant bliss. 

When Icy does awaken, Bloom finds that she is more talkative. And maybe it is because she slept through the night this time. Sure she had woken up grumbling and grumpy. And sure that grumbling had been accompanied by some moderate complaining but that is kind of a relief to hear. It is so much better than the lifelessness and the wincing of the days prior. 

“How are you feeling?” Bloom asks.

“Like shit, Peters!” She snaps immediately, as though the response is second nature and then her expression flickers into something that might be puzzlement, “no wait…” her brows furrow. “Nope, definitely feel like shit…” She rubs her hands over her face. And here Bloom thought that there was going to be some life changing revelation that she actually felt better. 

“Are you feeling up for a shower?” 

“Keep your kinks to yourself, Peters.”

“Not with me!” Bloom throws her hands up. “Glad that you’re feeling well enough to be a smartass though.” 

The witch rises from the bed and sulks her way over to the bathroom. Her hair is ruffled and tangled on the side that she slept on. It has been a while since she has seen the woman fish a comb out of her purse. She sets it on the bathroom counter and peers into the mirror.

.oOo.

She probably shouldn’t have done that. At the very least, she should have waited until after her shower to stare at her face. Disheveled would be a kind way to describe her appearance. Sloppy would probably be more adequate. Her skin has taken on a rather sickly hue and she has bags under her eyes. Her eyes themselves are dull and as lifeless as they can be without actually belonging to a corpse. 

Without makeup to accentuate and light her features they appear notably softer. She thinks again of Kyanite, about how even the surgeries alone couldn’t quite get rid of her. And so makeup is a must.

This is the first time in ages that someone, aside from Darcy and Stormy, has seen her without a face full of meticulously applied foundation, concealer, eyeshadow, eyeline, lipstick, and whatever else she is in the mood for. Without her concealer, the bathroom’s light puts a glint to the natural shimmer of her skin. 

It is really quite dreadful. The only perk she has found from this duration of lacking self-care is a slight looseness in the pajamas that had once fit her perfectly well. It is a dangerous line of thinking…

“You look nice without makeup. I mean nice as in pretty, not nice as in you look kind and fairy-like.” 

The fairy is being terribly generous. “Sure, Peters.” She turns the shower on, turns her back on the fairy, and casts her pajama top aside.

“Don’t you need to wait for the water to heat up?”

Icy looks over her shoulder and quirks a brow.

“Oh. Right.” She pauses. “I didn’t realize that you had piercings on your back.”

“Not many people do.” She shrugs. “Are you going to stand there and watch me get undressed again or…?”

“Nope, I’ll be over there” she gestures to the bed, “reading my comic book.”

She waits for Bloom to leave to undress herself the rest of the way. It is quite nice to feel cool water on her face. To feel it running down her skin. She probably should have stepped into the shower when her face had first started to feel hot and clammy. 

She steps out of the shower to find that Bloom had set out some clean clothes for her to put on. These too hang somewhat loosely on her frame. She is probably going to get some sort of well-meaning lecture from Bloom. She quickly runs the comb through her hair. She had, had every intention of applying some makeup afterwards but she is rather drained by the time she is done combing her hair. So she emerges with the same bare face that Bloom has probably grown used to seeing. 

“You up for venturing out of the hotel room?” Bloom asks. “Darcy showed us this amazing restaurant the other day, I think that you would like it. And there was this store with clothes that you might like. I also came across a store that had a whole bunch of stickers that you can put on your guitar…”

“I prefer my guitars to be sleek and pristine, free of stickers.” 

“Boring.”

“Perhaps I enjoy my boring guitar. I want people to pay attention to the sound of it, not the look of it.” 

“Is that a yes, will you go for a walk with me?”

“Tomorrow.” She would much rather wait until all of the queasiness subsides to venture away from a nearby bathroom. 

“Alright. Tomorrow.” Bloom replies. “I’ll hold you to it.” 

.oOo.

Icy takes to pacing about.

Bloom doesn’t understand why she doesn’t want to take that pacing outside and put it to good use. But then again, her pacing is punctuated by lengthy periods of laying in bed and staring at the ceiling. If Bloom is being honest, it is driving her a little crazy. 

“Do you know why it was so easy for me to get a new face and a new career?” She says suddenly. “Do you know why no one ever asked any questions?” 

“A new face?” Bloom scrunches her brows. “Wait are you saying that you had surgery?” 

This compels Icy to sit up right and fix her with a deadpan glance. “Look at one of those MeTor albums you overplay and look at my face now.” 

“Right…yeah I guess that it is pretty obvious.” She pauses. “I would imagine that no one asks questions because you look completely different.”

Icy shakes her head. “Not different enough. Unless I put my makeup on, anyhow.”

Bloom takes a moment to study her face, pairing it up with the posters and promotional shots that she had spent way too much time staring at. Unsure if Icy actually wants her to agree, she reluctantly confesses, “yeah, I can see the resemblance.” She can see it a lot now that she knows what she is looking for.

“It’s because they don’t have a reason to believe that Kyanite would reappear in the music scene. Or anywhere at all. As far as everyone knows Kyanite is actually dead.” Icy rubs her thumb over the scars on her arms.

“Dead?”

“You’ve read the articles, yes?”

“I read that Diamond…”

“Killed herself. Yeah, Valtor tends to have that effect on people.”

.oOo.

It is easy to do, she doesn’t think too much of it at all. It is second nature at this point, a reflex that is so deeply ingrained within her that she doesn’t have to think about it. She has never particularly liked her magic type, but today it is perfect. It gives her exactly what she needs in order to accomplish her goal. 

She only needs one small but sharp ice shard and she wields it well. 

Wields it expertly as she has wielded each ice shard before it. 

Her record label and Valtor both had done a remarkable job at covering up each of the scars on her arms. Mostly through makeup, but long sleeves and gloves also did the trick. 

She holds that shard level with her wrist.

She is already terribly relieved. 

Things will finally be quiet; everything has been so loud lately. The press, the chatter of her former friends, Diamond’s teaser songs, and her own inner dialogue. Her own inner voice is the loudest of all, she can’t turn that off. She can tear up magazines and turn off TVs. She can block every number in her phone and delete her email address and social pages. She can shut off a radio or turn the volume down but the voice in her head never relents. The more that she tries to stop it, the louder it gets. 

She can’t turn off the visions and voices that play on the television in her mind but she can unplug it. Can disconnect completely. 

She supposes that she should do something special; a lot of people do.

They dress themselves in lovely suits and gowns or simply pick out their favorite clothing articles to wear one last time.

They go out to eat, something super fancy since money is of no concern. 

They put on their favorite songs, something nice to make it at least a little bit easier until it is finally over.

Kyanite doesn’t really have a favorite outfit. It used to be that flowy, billowing mini dress made of white lace with a glittery blue corset and a belt of kyanite and diamond snowflakes. Her heart aches double; diamond and kyanite. They were usually paired off when it came to sub-groups and side projects. 

She doesn’t know if she has that dress anymore.

She might have cut it to ribbons the night that she’d officially left MeTor.

She will do her arms just the same.

Her flip phone phone rings. She hates that sound. It drives her mad. People only call her to pester or mock her. Or to ask her invasive questions.

Chalcadony’s number appears on the screen. And she doesn’t doubt that Chalcedony will be friendly and kind. Supportive.

But it is already too late. She is not bleeding yet but she has already decided to bleed.

She thinks that she should have done this a long time ago. When she was still fat and friendless and talentless. She should have done it before fame and defiled hope could show her brand new types of suffering that she had never imagined. She had never thought to imagine because the prospect of success or talent had been so impossible. 

Of course she couldn’t handle it. 

It was never meant for her. 

It is much easier than she had thought it would be, to drag that sharp frigid blade along her skin. And a knowingness that her suffering is almost through, makes the pain less intolerable. In fact she barely feels the searing burn of a laceration at all. She is twice as glad that she has been starving herself for so long; she bleeds faster for it.

Her body has always run naturally cold. But this…this is a different kind of cold. A deeper chill than what her powers could give her. It is the cold of the nothingness to come. And she welcomes it.

Her phone is still ringing. She hears it vibrating on the table. 

Vibrating…

Vibrating…

Vibrating…

It is probably Chalcedony. 

Maybe.

But she has to have given up at some point.

Vibrating…

It could be Ruby. But Ruby hates her.

Vibrating…

Or Topaz. She and Topaz never really talked that much.

Vibrating…

Goldstone perhaps. She realizes that she doesn’t even know Goldstone’s real name.

They were never really friends. They were just coworkers who smiled and acted friendly for the camera. They never really knew each other. Or maybe the five of them knew each other very well. But they never knew her. Maybe the five of them didn’t have to fake it with each other. But Kyanite was always an outsider. They never really liked her. She could tell. 

Nobody will miss her.

It hurts so badly.

And it isn’t nearly as quick as she had imagined it would be. She thinks that maybe she had sliced the wrong spot. Or that she hadn’t embedded her icy blade deep enough.

Her hands are shaking, body trembling all over with dread and agony. Regret, perhaps. No. This is for the best. It won’t hurt soon. Just a few more minutes of pain to end the suffering.

There is blood in her hair. It stains and clumps her white-blue locks. She curls herself up on the floor. She wonders how long it will take before someone finds her. Nobody really checks up on her.

Nobody, she reminds herself, will miss her.

And yet her phone keeps vibrating. 

Vibrating….vibrating…vibrating….

And her wrist keeps bleeding. 

Bleeding…bleeding…bleeding…

[tobiasdrake]

We have a terrible plan but it's the best we can do under these circumstances. Let's go get us a ship.

If we're still on the ship when it un-dusks, is that bad for us? Do we know?

Also, Teaks said it was imprisoned in a perpetual storm, but apparently it flickers in and out of reality? That was bugging me when we saw it do that the first time. Is the perpetual storm on the other side of the flicker?

This seems way more complicated than "Angry ghost captain summoned a furious storm." Do we know... anything? I mean, I assume not because it's one of those "If no one lived to tell the tale then who told the tale?" kind of things. If no one's ever been to the Vespertine and come back then no, we don't know anything. How would we?

Imagine signing on to a pirate journey for a specific mission and then being told you can't participate in the one thing you were here to do. They should mutiny. And by mutiny, I mean sneak around behind our backs to come along anyway.

It's what we'd do. With Garl. Specifically.

...Garl over here proudly displaying the scars of my mistakes and meanwhile Patches is over there with perfectly fine eyes covered by two eyepatches and he is not sharing.

There is logic in what the Captain's saying. But I nonetheless can't endorse it because y'all know what we'd be doing in the crew's shoes. Our history speaks for itself.

I dunno. Maybe these pirates are better disciplined than Solstice Warriors are. I thought we were the upstart renegades against proper protocol but Bugraves and Erlina blew us right out of the water in the field of doing what you aren't supposed to. Our disobediences look quaint by comparison.

I guess Moraine isn't a very good indoctrinator. He's been a dismal failure at passing along dogma and shaping belief systems in his students. The Solstice Warriors simply aren't up to the same standards of conformity, blind faith, and rigid structuralism that you so famously find in piracy.

Okay, enough sad reflection. We're on a mission to steal a legendary vessel from a captain with no ownership of it using a magical artifact we no longer possess. Gonna need my game face on because unwarranted confidence is the only asset we have right now.

Ghost ship? More like toast ship amirite?

Look, I was thinking about other stuff, not working on zingers. Point is, we're awesome. What they got? Crusty old bones? Ask Roro how well that went for her!

So what if we lost the coin. We're still going to get the ship. We just have to use Plan B. Don't worry, everybody has a price when the currency is violence.

Oh, I'm ready. I am focused and--

Hold up, if we can control the cycle of night and day, can't we just rewind the clock to the night of the eclipse for another eclipse boost? We have technology in place to do this; Why aren't we using this ability to spam eclipses whenever we--

Oh hey Serai. When did you get here? And where did the pirates go?

...

Oh shit. I mean. WHOA! You were Captain Cliche this WHOLE TIME!? I am both shocked and honored that.... No, sorry, I can't do it.

Same reason you don't call someone out as gay no matter how transparent their glass closet is. I'm a firm believer in identity authoritarianism. You want to present as Mysterious Masked Figure, I'm not gonna stop you.

But now that we're actually having this conversation, yes, everyone already knew.

Don't think of it as losing the macguffin. Think of it as buying a supremely talented chef who will support the ungodly amounts of violence we are about to inflict.

That's okay, your plan was always bad anyway. You should have spent some time at camp talking to Teaks.

Honestly, after our trip to the Dweller's mansion, I'm looking forward to a return to the pleasant simplicity of bashing zombie skulls until they stop moving. Been warming my beatstick in anticipation.

Yeah, we're stupid like that.

Anyway, HANDS IN THE AIR. This is a robb-- Wait, no, that was yesterday. Sorry. Wrong script. Ahem. This is a shipjacking. Still larceny, different genre.

Ha! Success! Now to find out if we die!

Oh, pleasantries! Yeah, nice to meet you. I'm guessing you must be the navigator who wanted a better life? Did they make you captain after the mutiny?

Really should have demanded more than one curse-breaker soulstone from Roro. At the very least, instructions on how to make them would be nice to have, if we're going to keep involving ourselves with every curse on the planet.

Anyways, back to business.

This is a shipjacking. How do you say "Hand 'er over" in pirate curse? In any case, I know it doesn't look like it but Serai is definitely pointing a gun at you right now.

^_^ I'm the gun.

Technically, that only proves that one of us is real. The rest could still be imaginary.

Zale and I are too associated with each other and Serai showed up late in the game. So if one of us is meandering around having hallucinations of companionship, it's probably Garl. This whole thing could be a story he's making up in his head, thinking about the dear friends that were taken from him and who left him alone in childhood.

Probably not, though. I'm sure you're fine, Garl.

We also have a whole fifth person stuffed in his backpack!

Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, Hortence. I would shake your hand but you're dead, ethereal, and possibly on fire.

In any case, I was already on your side of this argument from before we even met so I'd be happy to beat Stormcaller with a stick until he relents. Then you can retire to the unlife you wanted from the start and/or pass on, and we can take your ship.

Everybody wins. Except Stormcaller. But, y'know, fuck him.

The rest of the crew are brainless undead now. Unfortunate, but convenient. It means we don't need to worry about their opinions of the deal we're making.

Sucks for them. They all died for the Captain's hissy fit, which they were specifically trying to end by getting rid of the little shit. The crew did nothing wrong. They're as much victims of Stormcaller's unreasonable tantrum as Hortence is.

But it's super convenient for us that only one person has any ownership claim to this vessel now, and it's the person who wanted to leave from the start. That will help our shipjacking go super smoothly.

Oh, there's a third option. We buy him out. Everyone has a price when the currency--

Goddammit, I already used that line. I wasted it on you, Serai. Why did I do that? I didn't need to impress you! You already think I'm cool!

Okay. But. Counterpoint. I hit things really, really hard. It's hard to do magic when you're being hit really, really hard. There's a game mechanic for that and everything.

Considering everything that we came from on Wraith Island? Yes. I do feel good about our chances here.

[bethanydelleman]

I was listening to All too well by Taylor Swift, and when the lyric "casually cruel in the name of being honest" came, I thought it described Darcy's first proposal to a t (if you forget the context of the song). Have you (and your followers) ever come across a lyric or something that made you draw comparisons like that?

I love that line for Darcy! Here are some of mine:

The song that makes me think of Austen the most is The Best is Yet To Come by Red which is about Anne and Wentworth. Here are the standout lines:

Afraid it won't come round again Afraid to move on

Wanting all we left behind Like its the answer An hourglass we can't rewind

And after all that we've been through And after all we left in pieces I still believe our lives have just begun 'Cause now the past can be outrun And I know you are the reason I still believe the best is yet to come

I won't turn around Let it all slip away I'm never backing down 'Cause tomorrow's a new day And everything can change

There is also a line from Good Enough by Evanescence that makes me think of how devoted Fanny Price is to Edmund Bertram:

Crave my heart and it's bleeding in your hand I can't say no to you

(I listened to this song on repeat while writing my Mansfield Park variation. The whole song makes me think of Fanny.)

I'm not the best at connecting songs with books, but I'd love to hear more ideas!