#rn i have like... a BUNCH of Different Pages..... and ....... i would like to maybe Not Do That as much when i dont have to

[vehemourn]

can someone with any html / css knowledge help me understand what i need to look up to make like. a menu with tabs that u can click between to change content on a page. i'm kinda like. holding my shit together with hopes & dreams cuz idk what to look up to figure this out LOL

[certainwoman]

Feel free to offer your perspective, insight, advice and more importantly (to me), words of comfort. I live in Croatia, we are a bit behind with ADHD testing, I am a 32 year old woman with diagnosed depression and anxiety disorder. I am on antidepressants and take an anxiolytic as per needed. I have a master’s degree which I only mention as it factored into the interpretation of my results. These are all some disclaimers before I get into all of this.

After I did the interview portion of my evaluation online, I travelled to a different town to a centre that about two years ago started offering adult ADHD evaluations. The business of ADHD evaluations really boomed a few years back but the people working there are all qualified psychologists (albeit a bit too young according to my mother who is angry about what happened to me, I am saying because it is a bit funny). I saw mostly children at their centre which is okay and to be expected. I had no idea which tests would be administered to me, I decided not to press on too many specifics prior to testing as not to activate my research brain (and to possibly alter the results in a way that would hinder my diagnostic process) although unfamiliar experiences are a huge anxiety trigger for me. Well I was administered a full WAIS IV (and TOVA but i displayed very typical adhd patterns on it and it was an okay experience, not really my issue rn). I realized I was having my “cognitive skills” / intelligence tested but after someone I talked to told me they went through the same testing, I remembered what some of the tests I was allowed to see on paper did in fact include the name of the test. In the evaluation documents I was described to be visibly “overwhelmed”, exhibited a hand tremor, was said to ask many questions about the nature of the testing, overly self critical, quit on tasks in frustration. I also cried after an hour of testing. I cried so hard, it was hard for me to to calm down. I was in a state of panic. While I am obviously not the one qualified at administering these tests and I really have respect for these people, I really think they mishandled the whole situation.

They came to the conclusion that while my anamnesis and behavioral patterns point to ADHD, I demonstrated low cognitive skills in every category but verbal where I scored high (I was so stressed out about the mistakes I made and remembered in this category) so due to my educational level, the testing needs to be repeated as it was affected by my emotional state. They think depression might be altering my cognitive functions which yeah, happens and maybe it is happening to me but respectfully I think that it is not happening to an extent it happened there when I was clearly in panic. I am seeing a psychiatrist on tuesday. I spent a bunch of money on testing and now I am spending more money. I do not say lightly that this actually made my mental state worse as now I am doubting my own… cognitive skills. The psychologist also said if my visual processing speed was so bad as demonstrated on the test, I could not read a book in the amount of time I am able to. And I am still able to go through a 200 pages book in 3 hours or less depending on my mood. Now they are telling me to undergo 9 months of therapy and “i can if I want” come back to their clinic and pay more money to test again. I asked for the price even though in my head I did not truly entertain that option and the psychologist I was talking to said that they are currently raising their prices so she does not yet know. A bit hilarious. Anyways I feel like shit!!! I did not proofread this so sorry for the possible mistakes.

[kerryweaverlesbian]

A friend of mine asked for advice on writing a poem so, I figured I'd share it more widely. This is how I personally tend to go through the process (although sometimes poems just come in a stream of consciousness and I'm like damn where'd you come from???)

This gets long so, under the cut

To me, a poem is circling around an idea through building a structure, so:

1. Figure out a key idea that connects two things together("smoke is a metaphor for hidden places" + "Mary Supernatural's relationship to motherhood" = "Mary Supernatural's hidden feelings about motherhood explored through the metaphor of a house fire")

OR a scene where something very sensory is happening ("eating a live octopus", "running on a cold day")

2. Write a short paragraph of whatever comes into my head as I think about that. Connections to other works, random lines, images, concepts. The ideas can be cliché and shit and not be used in the final piece!!

I'll do one rn for the octopus concept:

"What could the octopus be a metaphor for? Struggling to create a piece of work? Like how I rotate pieces of media around in my head for a while sometimes without getting a clear thought on them, as I am with Mouthwashing right now. The struggling kick of life. A life without hands, only senses. A constant reaching forever. Maybe a squid would be better, it releases cloudy ink...? But it's not as big as an octopus. Poem speaker confused between squid and octopus. The sensation of being strangled from the inside by the octopus tentacles. Fighting against yourself and your own instincts to give up. Tears forming as ideas form. Salt and copper. The tongue is kind of like a tentacle in itself. 'I swallow it, until it becomes mine'."

^ this helps solidify the ideas of the poem without having to battle through 3 or 4 drafts while looking at a blank page willing ideas to come out. Sometimes I just do that part in my head but it can be helpful to refer back.

What I love about poetry is that you can just skip to the exciting bit! You don't need a bunch of characters or scene descriptions or dialogue. It can all be the bit that makes you go hell yeah cool cool cool!! (<- guy who finds literary analysis cool)

3. Whichever of those ideas speak to you, use some to write a first stanza. The rhythm can be whatever sounds good in your head:

"I'm eating an octopus

(Live)

With gusto,

It's fighting me back but I bite."

So now we have an established rhythm! For this one it's

7 syllables [no comma]

(a short aside)

3 syllables,

8 syllables.

Now for the rest of the poem I can use that same rhythm, which keeps me focused. If you don't want to come up with your own rhythm, there's plenty of established poetry rhythms and rhyme schemes, if you google "types of poem" they will appear as if by magic. And of course you don't have to use a pattern at all. Again, this is just what I do.

To be clear, I don't tend to literally count out the syllables, you can feel what the rhythm is by saying the poem out loud (which you should do FREQUENTLY as you write to make sure the emPHAsis doesn't go ON the WRONG word). There's poetry terms for emphasis but I don't know them because I only did up to AS level poetry 😉

If you ever find the rhythm isn't working, change it. It's your poem. Do whatever you want. Changing the rhythm can also be used to show "this is a change/escalation in idea". It's a song with a bridge.

4. Keep talking about different parts of the metaphor in that structure:

"The tentacles writhing

(I chew, I chew)

A battle,

A hunt for the truth.

The hinge of my jaw

(It hurts, it hurts)

Unkindly,

I stick in my tooth."

^ I often slip into rhyming, this also helps not get stuck thinking of literally any word from the english language that could be used. As Monica from FRIENDS says, "rules help control the fun!"

"The [something] of muscle,

(My tongue? Its leg?)

My burden,

My begging for proof."

^ my close personal friend square brakets when I can't think of a description this instant! Wooo!

"[Some sort of 5th stanza that has an end rhyme for proof, maybe with the "salt and copper" concept?]

I'm eating an octopus

(Live)

But I'm winning

It's hard, but it's worth it, the fight."

^As you can see I added an extra syllable for the second to last line, you gotta just listen to your heart sometimes. When ending things I like to harken back to the beginning! It can be a little cheesey sometimes but that's okay, poems are allowed to be cheesey!

That's my general approach. Something that really, really helps with writing poetry is also... reading poetry. You get to experience a lot of rhythms and rhyme schemes and ways of talking about ideas and how different poets use the foundation of a poem to express their meanings. Reading this poem back, I was writing spontaneously but I can very clearly see influences of A A Milne (my mum's favourite poet!), The Jellyfish by Marianne Moore and my dear friend @lesbianjoannaharvelle 's poem I wish I could draw for the theme of wrestling with creativity. Our works are in conversation! Isn't that cool!!

Anyway. Kiss kiss.

[gayboyasher]

hear me out... Ghiaccio with a male reader who draws/paints him a bunch. Like reader has a crush on Ghia and doodles and draws him all the time maybe Ghiaccio finds the absurd amount of drawings 👁️👁️

I’m finally getting to a request since I have the time. I sprained my ankle and it’s actually purple rn so I’m on bed rest!! Also, I’ve been working on writing this book, along with coming out my applications for things and blah blah blah, it doesn’t matter. I’ll try and finish the requests I can. But also IM SO SORRY I COULDN’T FIND A FLUFF ALPHABET!! I’m still looking.

><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

One day you asked him to hold your sketchbook while you went to the bathroom. He obliged and watched you leave. Usually, he doesn’t go through peoples things, but it wouldn’t hurt to just see your creations… right?

><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

The things that he found…

He was gagged, he was confused on how you could draw him doing so many different things

Or if you drew something else you’d put some reference or qoute of his on the page.

Confronts you about this once you get back

It flies over his head that you like him

He just assumes that you just really like using him as a reference for drawing all the time

He does look unique 😭💀

He compliments your drawings, but he’s also very critical

“You actually colored my glasses the wrong shade— and my hair doesn’t have that texture. You need to do better with that.”

Yea okay as if he can do better…

Likes watching you draw

If you confessed that you liked him then all the drawings would make so much sense

Begs requests that you draw his Miata

Cries gets annoyed if you say no

Once again he’s so damn critical but once you offer him the pencils and blank page he’s silent.

The only thing he can like actually draw is scenery in my opinion

I feel like that makes sense

Recommends you to go to art school

He thinks that you’d be great there, and that you’d make good things either way.

[liesmyth]

my problem with some desperate glory was that I loved all the stuff it was doing quietly, but once it started talking about stuff openly I started rolling my eyes. maybe this is a me problem, but for a book whose politics I agree with, I was getting very tired of "look at this queer-normative universe!" "look the Black girl is underestimated by the white men in charge" stuff. but the creeping horror of the forced pregnancy stuff? the genocide bits? all excellent. so I'm feeling really conflicted on it tbh

you 🤝 me not wanting to be spoon-fed Themes

I think there's a broader discussion to be had here, which is: when you want to write Politically Aware Genre Fiction, sometimes you have to really hit the reader in the face with it, because many readers are primed to ignore Issues if they are subtextual. see also that NK Jemisin thread about "blatant" vs "subtle" approach to discrimination in scifi. I think she makes very valid points! I also think that some of her books personally are not to my taste, because I got the message the first twelve times and then I got bored.

SDC does some of that, repeating so, so many times that there are no high-ranking female officers on Gaea and the population is 95% White. (Exordia, which I'm reading rn, also does that re: US military war crimes, and I'm getting tired of it already 200 pages in). I didn't find the Themes of it all to be THAT grating in SDG but, to me, the main issue is that, by the very nature of the worldbuilding... there just aren't many complex female characters, barring the POV character who's very much A Teenager in a way that makes the story feel very coming of age, and idk. I was not expecting a novel about a bunch of young adults coming together to save their society (in a way that was ultimately maybe a bit anticlimactic) although I really enjoyed all that came beforehand. I think I would have liked the book more if it had ended at like 80% and there had been a time skip sequel, or a different ending sequence.

Also: weirdly enough for as much as I'm bitching and moaning that I wanted more morally grey women, my favourite character was probably Avi. I think that if his Corporal Lin had more space I would have been ALL OVER her.

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Hey so. its been a while. I havent had a lot of energy these past few weeks and when I did I didnt really wanna spend that energy on this bad book series, but its the weekend and its been wayyyy too long and I need to finish ACOMAF before shit starts falling out of my sieve of a brain. As always, I am motivating myself with the prospect of contuining to work on a proshot of the takarazuka production elisabeth after this, the 2014 flower troupe one specifically ^-^ or maybe I'll watch a fucked up black and white movie from the 20s thats two and a half hours long, we'll see

Today we're reading chapter 53, the precursor to The most infamous chapter 54. Im not gonna lie, I kinda forgot most of what happened last time. There was a mate reveal, Rhysand was being really pathetic which made him hot to me for the first time in about 600 pages of me knowing him, Feyre was super pissed so they sent her to the mountain cabin to cool off a bit and paint, i think thats it

is it just me or is it kinda weird that Feyre is fantasizing about green grass and flowers and flowing rivers when the NC so far has been defined by being a very wintery place. Like yeah, obviously they have seasons in the solar courts but like, theres a lot of mountains which means a lot of snow, its the most nothern court etc

And Feyre didnt like winter in the first book because she associated it with bad times at the cabin so that makes sense but idk. I feel like if youre retconning her so much already you could easily wrie something about how she actually likes winter now that she has the power to withstand it or something but no, sure, have her fantasize about very spring-y weather in the book where the spring court gets demonized to hell and back why not

'[Rhysand] would give me the money for my shop, for what I was offering would cost nothing. Maybe I would sell my paintings to pay him back the money. Because I wanted to do that under any corcumstance, soulmates or not.' I was gonna write something snarky about Feyre in ACOSF but then it hit me that shes never going to have financial independance from Rhysand ever again and now Im just sad and anxious for her

(sry, im too lazy to translate this whole paragraph rn) '[Rhysand and I would do a bunch of fun stuff that couples do.] Never again someones slave or whore.' Its so wild to me that shes saying all this about the guy who made her his slave and whore MULTIPLE TIMES AT THIS POINT. like hey sarah, do you think your readers dont remember all that? do you think constantly calling back to it will make them forget somehow

Ive seen some people describe this book as gaslighting and honestly, its not even that its just lying. this story is just a bunch of lies that keep contradicting or otherwise disturbing eachother because the person telling it isnt even a good liar

Okayyyyy this chapter was a lot shorter than anticipated can you tell i dont plan these out at all but i dont feel like doing more than this and also while I was reading i got a really good idea for an Anastasia AU for a different fandom im in and I keep getting distracted and I wanna start working on it as soon as possible. And also, I'd like to be focused when I finally read that most infamous of chapters, thank you and good afternoon

[bisluthq]

If Taylor didn't have her little private jet and entourage to cater to her and all ready whenever she wants like us common folks this would be a different talk. I swear you all forget everyone is rich and what to us is a major effort, it's easy breezy to them. Not to mention both Travis and Taylor were deeply enjoying putting a show when it comes to go to each other's stuff. It was never only to show up to each other. Or did we forget Scott Swift pushing his friends out of the way so the camera could catch the good angle of the run to Travis and kiss gist. // i don’t wanna argue about this further cause clearly we just have a very different understanding of taylor and joe’s relationship but this whole bit made me laugh 😂. anon, do you really think that if joe wanted to be there for taylor, she couldn’t have arranged for him to get there? do you think he was just forbidden from using her plane(s)? he’s hardly a common folk - he grew up on the nicer side of london and went to private school. had a rich grandpa and his family was well off

in regards to the tayvis thing. you’re not very bright anon if you think their support for each other ends when the cameras stop rolling. both of their jobs include being in stadiums in front of thousands of people - they tend to have cameras on them 🤷‍♀️. scott absolutely did not push anyone out of the way, he simply stepped back to give them a moment. maybe you should get off reddit snark pages, it’s making you lose brain cells :)

I kinda hear both of you I think and let’s not get mean to one another. Joe absolutely did have (multiple) ways to get to eras. He could’ve asked for the time off (awkward but he could’ve). He also… did have the jets so actually if he found out even the night before that he’s not needed tomorrow, he could’ve hopped on that. He didn’t really have a way to get to the NYU grad - I mean he did, I explained actually in real time back then how he could do it if he reaaaally wanted to lol and it did obviously rely on the jets but he… again, did have the jets while he was with Taylor so yes it was VERY TECHNICALLY possible but it was veering towards Hermione’s Time Turner in difficulty of logistics. It really was. Eras wasn’t really. He just didn’t really want to go that badly. I’m not sure, by then, that Taylor really wanted him there either? It would’ve dragged the whole thing out for sure but idk why we would want that for either one of them. FWIW she had time off in between eras and she didn’t go to Budapest (on these aforementioned jets). She could’ve. But neither of them really wanted that I don’t think???

Tayvis seem really good rn. Happy for them.

will also say - at the beginning/on Rep Tour Joe did make tons more effort. He went to a bunch of shows. He flew all over for her. She did too. Because they… were in love. But things fucking change? Feelings change. That’s life.

[nameification]

ALSO 1, 3, 5, 7, 14, 16, 27, 28, 30 for the artist asks? :)

1. Art programs you have but don't use

mmm krita and... well I have the entire adobe creative cloud at my disposal but I just. don't. honestly nowadays I've been doing a lot of my stuff traditional with just like. my sketchbook and my favorite pen but for digital I will use csp.

3. What ideas come from when you were little

...so I had this character. Merivette. right. she is like. the archetype for most of my focus characters for most of my stories and her original thing was that she was an scp doctor that did dimension fuckery (like 507) but then she just became like. idk she became part of the vivienne character archive mythos ig

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself

OMYGOPD FUCKING. I'd say a good 70-80% I don't post ??? maybe upto 90-95% ??? that'll probs drop down to like. 35-50% if I start learning how to use insta but since I can't exactly work easily at fucking school I barely post stuff I would think looks good enough for my tumblr. ye I mentioned insta but that is specifically gonna be like. doodle dump

7. A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate

FIBER ARTS!! fiber arts, 3d modelling and traditional painting. god. what I would give to have skills and knowhow for 3d modelling. this is reminding me to get back into bookbinding and scrap booking sajosdf

14. Any favorite motifs

... stars. I mean obviously with my current brainrot being like. about the skies and the stars and the things beyond and b elow the earth of course stars. eyes too ig but like. kind of a given

16. Something you are good at but don't really have fun doing

landscapes and comics. comics I can't will myself to drawing something over and over and having to make it look decently polished. landscapes I just fret over the details too much. getting more used to comics and the likes specifically cause. yknow. I wanna make animatics

27. Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? If so, what is it you draw to warm up with

OKAY SO I love just. doodling random shapes as warm up. and then also I will like. doodle a bunch of stuff related to said character on a separate page and maybe some small doodles of the character. specifically for the shapes I'll do different directions of hatching for them and in areas where shapes intersect I'll make it kinda like a cross hatching thing

28. Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines)

uhhh not really ? They're usually around the time I get burnt out or am buusy. like you know I tried artfight but that literally started around the same time as my school year. and then the school is also hosting a zine but they started it during fucking hell week so they extended the deadline but I do not have any full illustrations at the ready so maybe like. next year or maybe I rush something up idk

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

with all the art I am currently proud of rn I think just the character design refs that I have up for asotfs. you can see a change in how I draw in the ones I have but I like them. I do not post art often .w.

[dandelionflowery]

I don't really do my homework lol, so when I get home I have some time; and sleep is overrated anyways /hj (i mean if I got 5 hours of sleep last night i'm impressed lol)

When I do do homework, usually i do some time management where I pop on tumblr as a little break

Actually rn I'm technically attempting to do homework, I have to "find a question for the 'big oral' (yes it's called that) at the end of the year" actually 2 questions but 1 would already be nice and i either need one on biology (or geology but no way lol) and one on art, or 2 that mix both biology and art

And the thing is, you prepare two of these things just so they can make sure you worked, but you'll only present one, and honestly for most normal students, yeah, this is worth 10% of the final grade, but for me it's something like 10/160 instead of 10/100

If you want me to rant way more about this stupid fucking thing, I am more than capable lol

Anyways

i lived an hour away by bus and i was not about to stay when i had no lessons and i also had no friends to do ts with --> oh yeah that's not at all encouraging to do extracurriculars

Honestly I wouldn't actually mind doing stuff, but I don't really have the time to lol

Philosophy is absolutely up to personal opinion, but they also grade your ability to talk fancy, and the thing is I'm (most likely) autistic so I just write plain and simple things without really bullshitting my way through SEVEN FUCKING PAGES (I tend to do like 3 max) and they aren't happy

My teacher is absolutely terrible cause throughout the year my best grade was 14/20 (don't ask why our grades [in france, not just in philosophy] are out of 20, I have no idea lol), usually I got more 5/20 lol. And if I got 5/20 but with a bunch of comments saying, "oh, maybe do this", or "you could mention this", I'd be like 'ok so i have an idea of how to improve now ty'

but no, we got a test back today and I got 5/20 and he wrote: "Insufficient" at the top of my test, he quoted the methodology at me, he circled a reference I put without adding any comments, and he signed the paper like he did all the others. Useful dude.

[I mentioned harry potter because LITERALLY ALL THE PEOPLE with better teachers I TALKED TO said that drawing on personal knowledge and/or pop culture is a good way to go (one of my friends who has a different teacher literally got recommended a book on philosophy through a harry potter lens BY HER TEACHER), however my incompetent teacher apparently hates that]

in a modicum of fairness to him, I haven't listened to most of the classes since like september, but that's because in September I listened, took notes, and understood nothing; and I chose to write smut in class instead, or do homework, or sew stuff because at least that's more useful.

(we often have strike days where our absences are justified, so you can get away with not going to class [they do tell your parents though]; and one strike day, I was planning on going home anyways cause my back hurt, and a friend and I went to a café down the street instead of going to philosophy, and we got a lot more work done than if we'd gone to the philosophy class.)

(he teaches as if we were students in higher education who all chose to do philosophy and already know a bunch of things, and all he has to do is encourage us to think of some things and to offer some more authors; I believe at the beginning of the year he was like "oh yeah so you should do about an hour or two of reading [philosophical books] per week" and there is no way I'm reading in french [despite having lived here my whole life, I generally abhor reading in french lol] about topics I don't understand in the slightest, written in overcomplicated language by dudes who died centuries ago every week)

(he forgets most of us encountered philosophy with him)

very quick drawing lol

okay very important question did you take history or geography in school?

nope😓😓 French, art, and food tech

[adhdduckie]

jjk headcanons ( as people in a class)

ft. Toge, maki, yuuta, nanami, todo and sukuna.

pt 2 of jjk headcanons ( as people in a class ) pt 1 here

my masterlist here

( should be studying for exams but procrastination so oh well)

Toge we all know hes such a sweet misunderstood boy. We love him tho. He's definitely gonna have either the worst grades you've ever seen or he's gonna be in the deans list ( honours list? depends where ya'll at) we all know how he talks in ingredients, but that's not gonna stop him from having a bunch of friends that hang out around him just for his aura yk. He's gonna be the sweetest boy and he'll remind you of a little cat. His handwriting, it's gonna be so cute. i feel like he has little stars on the Is instead of the usual tittle. he writes small and slightly cramped but it is so easy to read. When writing essays i feel like he'll have so many pages of all these tiny tiny words. I think he's definitely got an affinity for the sciences and maths. I think that there would definitely be many people who would be interested in him romantically, but he's only going to have eyes for one person. ( maybe i'll write a fic abt that ( x reader maybe ) )

Maki Zenin

def a girl boss. so proud and pretty. I think she would be a jock like yuuji but man shes got some of the best grades you'll ever see. she's gonna be really intimidating to everyone when she first introduces herself in class, but that isn't going to stop a bunch of guys from going up to her and being rejected ( lmao at their pain) her handwriting i think, would be like close to calligraphy. She's so extra like megumi but special in her own way, like her z's would be crossed. I think that she would be quite good at drama and acting but her preference would be in musical theatre, and hell she's good at it.

Yuuta

quiet boy reborn. Man, he's gotta be the most awkwardest boy you're ever gonna know, but he's also very shy and kind. Would not hesitate to beat someone up if they've hurt his friend. personally, he would be the one i would like to be friends with. His grades are above average for someone who doesn't spend a lot of time studying, and his friends get so annoyed about that. His handwriting would be cute and childish, but still really neat. I think that his laptop background would be a collection of images of his friends, like him and rika when they were really young, and everyone else is several different locations. When you first see it you instantly know he's a really good friend, and would cherish everyone. Gotta paint his nails. idk but i would want to so badly

Nanami

he's practically the professor. Super serious, constantly asking questions and getting answers right. His exams results are like in the 99 percentile which is like insane. HE is so consistent with his grades, like damn bro what else you do with life?? He looks so tired and done with life half of the time or he's just sipping on his coffee. I think he drinks two cups of pure expresso in the morning and has a cup of tea for the rest of day, in his fancy little cup. His handwriting, i don't know how to describe it but it's like so extra. Definitely prioritises his handwriting over contents of notes but he does well either way.

Todo

you would never see him in class. He's got like some crazy excuses, but i swear you're not even aware he's in your class until you get paired up for something and he's like, "wanna meet up? if you get it wrong Im doing it myself" I think he would be so annoying to work with but like if you're friends with him he would actually be quite helpful. You would have no idea what his handwriting is like. He's never written a thing in his life for school and he's happy about that. He skips out on school a lot to go see the model meets like takada. No clue how he even passed high school if ur in uni together.

sukuna

bro if i was in school or uni with this man i would instantly drop out. He's a fucking pain in the ass and i hate him sm rn. But i'm sticking to the head-cannon. His grades- probably pretty good, maybe like a genius or something but so irritating. His looks gain the attention of many girls, but his misogynistic and shitty personality pushes a lot of people away. He's a pain to work with for group projects, would totally run off and do the work himself and get everything wrong and blame everyone else for not doing anything when he wouldn't let you help. He's fine, but like not impressed with him. His handwriting would be old and traditional and if you live in japan, he would write in traditional Japanese. and practically no one knows what he's writing.

lemme know if you have any suggestions for anything else i should write! hope ya'll enjoyed, have a nice day/night!

[chidoroki]

182 Days of TPN - Day 14

Chapter 14: “Trump Card”

It’s interesting how the scene of Ray becoming Isabella’s spy is done differently on three separate occasions. As he’s retelling the moment to Norman right now, he seems relatively calm about making the deal, whereas in ch181.5 (back when it was actually happening) Ray was so frightened that Isabella might ship him off for knowing the truth that his heart was racing. (I’ll mention the third instance once I get to ch37. this a memo to myself so I don’t forget).

I’ve been trying to avoid chatting about cover & extra pages since they usually are typically pretty scenes that may or may not relate to the current situation of the story and/or try to lighten the mood with humor, but I wanna mention this one. First off, the Grace Field library is huge and it’s crazy to think that Ray actually manages to read every single book before the escape. I’m also intrigued by some of the details on the books themselves, aside from the obvious “never” with an old-styled ship that appears in several places throughout the story, but never really means much in the end. I remember a lot of people used to make theories about them though. Oh.. unless the ship was to reference the shipments themselves..? I only just thought of that. Anyways, there’s also some books that have “treachery” and “betray” written on them. The book on the shelf near Emma’s antenna has “read this yourself” written on the spine and it gets me curious, like what kind of book would say that? Speaking of our girl, I’m sure she was pretty upset upon learning that Ray was in fact mom’s spy, but more shocked and sympathetic than anything (but saving those thoughts for next chapter).

I know this is a serious conversation between the two of them, truly, but those middle panels are so funny to me. They already look so done with each other’s bullshit and the deal has only just begun. It’s gonna be a long six years for them.

This chapter gives Ray many psycho faces, but this is probably my favorite of the bunch. I can hear “Existence of an Insider” in my head perfectly. I still prefer that over his “81194” theme too. I dunno why.

Despite the history he has with Isabella, the fact they can chat so casually about the situation amuses me. Makes me wonder if this is how Isabella would handle Ray’s mischief in a normal life. The “useless dog” part kills me each time. I don’t doubt that Ray knew Norman was very capable of picking locks and he just decided to keep that info from her either. Hell, maybe he even taught him. Ray likes to tinker with stuff, so I can imagine Norman became interested in doing so as well. (for the life of me, I can’t remember if this is factual (and if so, from where) or a popular fandom headcanon..)

Favorite panel/moment:

I love this little interaction with all my heart! All of them are just so precious. I sadly understand why the anime left it out though (and had Ray pause at the top of the stairs and then walk away instead), as an adorable moment like this really wouldn’t have fit the tense mood the RN conversation left us with since “Existence of an Insider” was also still playing at this point.

I still think it could’ve worked somehow. We don’t see Ray & Emma really interact again until he reveals he’s the real traitor to her, so perhaps it would’ve surprised her more from seeing him act so friendly one moment then finding out he’s been sorta kinda betraying her the next? Ah well.

[birdie-ghost]

May I ask, how do you go on and plan out your comics or work?

I am actually in the midst of working on my own au. I am only on the outline rn, since I had to change some of what is canon vs what isnt. Just so it makes sense following my OWN au.

;_;

I thought maybe, if I saw or learned how you planned out your work,

It may help with the process not being soo overwhelming:")

It's quite alright if you don't want to really. I get it that you have many others ask to look into and busy yourself with your own work :00!!

But regardless, i thank you in advance <33

Well..... it all starts by contracting fandom brain rot at some point in time, sometimes its cus your friends drag you into their hyperfixation and other times its just cus the internet is the internet.

But actually normally I just doodle stuff!! I have a bunch of those little 5 dollar books you can get at michaels that are dot-grided. And I just draw little mini interactions, no boarders or words, just the characters faces. It's like playing with dolls but instead you're drawing the characters while you do it lol

That gives me the ideas and helps me have more of an understanding of how I'm gonna write the characters and such. Now, I would reccommennnnnd writing and planning out a general idea for what you want your story to be,not in depth like a fanfiction, more like a brainstorm, use whatever method you like lol. I usually do a tree or just a list of points that I want to show up in the comic. When I write out those points it helps me make the in-between more clearly conected and filled. You don't have to though it just helps if you're doing a longer-run comic.

Thumbnail!! I went on a whole post about this a little while ago but this question is slightly different haha

Sometimes things might not look exactly how you like, but if you're really commited to it there is a certan point where you just need to say "fuck it" and move on. I have a good couple of frames and pages in my own comics where I've had to do this. It's really hard to get everything to look exactly right every time, and it's okay for things to be less clean then others sometimes!!

And finally, just start, don't worry about the details so much. everyone starts somewhere and I don't want to hear you go on about how you're "not good enough yet" Cus I call BULLSHIT!!

[6okuto-moved]

I saw your blog and i have risen from the dead :) anyway if it's okay can i request some headcanons about Felix with an MC that speaks another language? My goal in life is to call him a cute petname in Greek and watch him get so red he looks like a fire hydrant (i dont know if i spelled that right but whatever you know what im talking about) you know how dogs don't know what we're saying but they go off of tone? (I saw that in a tiktok once i don't know if its entirely true or not) I wanna tell felix i love him so much but my friends tell me i sound more aggressive in Greek so he might think I'm angry at him or something n then i tell him i was just saying how much i love him and he goes !!!!!!!!😳 I'm rambling sorry but i think it would be funny watching him get frustrated. Oh! Maybe he says something to the MC in Velan! (I think thats what its called) oh i love him so much...

— felix with a multilingual mc

note from nia: achievement unlocked raise someone from the dead :heart_eyes: BUT THIS IS SO CUTE...wishing i knew more than hs french & basic korean rn . sorrow

the first time he hears you speak in a different language oh he is so intrigued. gets excited about the possibilities

his menace side awakens . he's going to start making fun of sage and swearing around escell and no one can stop him

he'd ask you to teach him things in exchange for learning something in velan

i don't know if this is too specific but y'know that one couple on tiktok that made those videos of greeting the other one as they came home in their native language to surprise them. like you would talk in velan and he'd speak in greek

smh he would have practiced so hard and done little pronunciation notes. asked you how to say things at random times so you didn't get suspicious...

you can probably find a bunch of pages of him trying to write a script and also practicing his writing

especially if it has a different alphabet like greek, korean, urdu, etc. he's writing out letters and words over and over

would use it in cards or letters whenever he could because he thinks it's romantic

would get rings for the both of you with your names/a phrase in each other's languages. i'm going to cry

the kind of guy to watch a show in your language and when he hears something he understands he feels so accomplished and points out what it meant. yes they did just say do you want to eat

you teach him a bunch of petnames then proceed to immediately call him those petnames

he may not have been able to specifically connect which word meant what but even having a general idea of what you were doing got him all flustered

once he figures them out he'll use one on you to get your attention

if you do the same to him he gets all @!@?!%#?>!? especially if it's in velan and/or said casually . he loves casual intimacy help him

saying i love you for the first time and he ?? that sounded very aggressive. i didn't realize you disliked this flavour of tea so much

but then you tell him it just means 'i love you' and he short-circuits like "oh! oh. well, uhm," 🧍‍♂️ he tries repeating it back to you (it isn't good but it also isn't. bad?)

asks you to teach him how to say it and now he says it randomly to fluster you. pain and sorrow

he also starts to pick up on words and your tone . like if you say something that sounds sort of aggressive around someone who hasn't heard it before they're confused but then felix replies nonchalantly since he's used to it o(-(

felix trying to flirt/be romantic with you in your language and just getting it...terribly wrong. grammar, vocabulary,, everything . but he tried so hard you can't help but go easy on him. like yes, thank you for thinking i'm warm and kind like soup

might ask you to quiz him on basics so he can prove that he's doing better and show off

if you see him staring very hard at something there's a good chance it's because he's trying to think of the word for it in your language

he puts so much effort and time into learning that if you ever did the same for him he'd be so excited and grateful. like he didn't need you to but you're doing it anyways to prove you care ?? no way

he likes listening to you softly sing songs in your other language as he falls asleep

y'know how you can forget a word in one language and try figuring out or describing it in another one . felix will randomly be your saving grace when everyone else is just staring helplessly

may or may not get you to speak in a different language pretending to be a foreigner so you guys can reap tourist benefits

strategically . knowing a different language than any of your enemies,, in my opinion,, may come in handy. :thumbs_up:

the vocal version of [long rant text message] "i'm not reading all that. i'm happy for you tho. or sorry that happened"

like you only really ramble to each other in your other language when it's just the two of you. and you can tell when something is upsetting. pick up little words here or there but the other person finishes and it's just like. mhm. are you feeling better now? and waiting for a yes or explanation in the language you're both fluent in

he thinks the fact that you're the only ones around who can use it is very ?? intimate?? like okay...only two people in the world (real)

[clonerightsagenda]

10 First Lines Game

Tagged by @specialagentartemis

“Rules: share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. If you have written less than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway ❤️”

The person who tagged me also mentioned original work which is handy because that's the biggest thing I'm working on right now.

Also this post got wildly out of control length-wise, because I wanted to do full openers rather than a single sentence, so under a cut it goes.

So........ moving backwards from publication order, I guess, including Exclusive Sneak Peeks of podcast girls week content...

BEA: However old you are, wherever you live, you’ve almost certainly encountered some version of the Dracula story

From my upcoming Arden Dracula AU for PGW which I had a blast with and may be my nichest published fic ever. I am very good at expending my effort on things 2 people will read.

Officer Eiffel wouldn’t have walked into a mad scientist's evil lair.

No, Doug corrects himself, he would've. He did, a whole bunch of times before he knew Hilbert's lab was an evil lair, until he got banned for being clumsy and not caring if he broke things. He even went afterward, every time something else happened to this clunker of a body – another thing he didn’t care if he broke.

From a document titled "evil lair thing", a surprise other PGW project that was a surprise to me also. These things happen. How is it PGW-related, you may ask? You will have to wait and find out.

You are accessing a finding aid for records created or maintained by Hippolyta Space Corporation (HSC) collected after the acquisition of Outer Bounds Space Exploration Company.

Finding aids are a tool to assist researchers in using our collections. They introduce a collection’s scope and context and identify the arrangement of materials. Some finding aids may describe collections with folder- or item-level granularity. Finding aids are created by company archivists to improve access to our materials.

Finding aids are a way for you to tell people which parts of the story you think are important.

Finding aids are a map.

To what?

First page of space archives!!! Wrapping up yet another major revision rn. Its day will come....

Now time to go to ao3 and find out what my seven most recently published fics are.

PLAYA LA POZA DEL OBISPO, ARECIBO, PUERTO RICO – MIDDAY

Isabel Lovelace is standing on a beach. Waves crash over rocks, shooting spray into the air.

She hears a voice from behind her.

From "Monster in the Middle". Script format, in case you couldn't tell.

EIFFEL

Hey Hera, are you there?

HERA

I'm here, Officer Eiffel. What is it?

(teasing)

Do you need a clarification on military protocol?

From "The Couples Agenda". Also scriptfic. Sue me; they're fast.

Isabel Lovelace went out for drinks with the people under her command once.

She was fresh out of training and they were sizing her up, trying to figure out what kind of officer she would be. She wanted to let them know she was one of the real ones, happy to rub elbows with the enlisted folks, or maybe she was just tired of having to keep her nose clean.

She woke up the next morning to the reality that West Point wasn't a party school, she hadn't had more than one drink in a night in years, and the entire driving population of New York City seemed to be slamming on their horns inside her skull.

Her head feels like that now. Her mouth doesn't taste like she’s gargled an IPA, though, so there's that.

From "Not the Only One"

Here's a story. You're born broken.

That's not the politically correct term. It's not the one I would have chosen either. Not because I care about making you feel better, but because it's imprecise. You didn't start out different and then break down. This was how you were made. Like highly original thought patterns, or 500 petabytes of random-access memory, or… freckles. Are humans born with freckles? You remember some of the other children at your orphanage had them, so they start early, at least.

You liked broken, though. If something's part of who you are, well, there's not much you can do about that. But broken? Broken can be fixed.

From "Born Broken"

Isabel Lovelace gets out of bed every morning. She pulls on clothing in a battle against zero gravity that has become second nature. She brushes her teeth.

Isabel Lovelace cannot do any of these things. She is dead, reduced to less than ashes floating at the heart of a star-that-is-not-a-star. She has been dead for years.

Isabel Lovelace gets out of bed anyway.

From "Door Number Three"

“Ok,” Hera says. “You can open your eyes now.”

From "Everyone Ready"

Doug was born on a space station a few minutes away from crashing into a star.

Not literally. Literally, he was born on Earth (Boston, Massachusetts; Hera tells him). But as far as he remembers? Hello world, smack into the middle of a bunch of people’s worst day of their lives, or one of them. Part of why it was the worst day of a bunch of people’s lives.

Woohoo.

From "The Doug Eiffel Reunion Tour"

Wow, 10 fics (including 3 not on ao3) took me 3 years back. I am not a quantity poster. Hopefully I am a quality poster. (Doing only ao3 stuff would've taken me all the way back to my HS era.... a near miss indeed.)

I never know who to tag for stuff like this.

[bookofmirth]

after rereading the series and finally finishing silver flames ( which i truly enjoyed, even when there were points which felt disappointing and a little incoherent ) i feel like i can finally pinpoint what is so jarring to me regarding this series. It just seems so disjointed, which becomes especially apparent after reading MaF and the immediately reading WaR.

We move from the first two novels of the series, which are coherent and clean, to WaR - which is hoenstly just a mess, something which was so blatant to me on the reread. during this time, it’s clear that sjm made several massive changes to link this book to the future spin offs, and also obviously changes her original plan to pair mor and azriel - which monumentally changes the way that the previous book is read, and the perception of their characters.

Even with FaS - setting up for cassian and nestas story, sjm completely changes direction between this release and silver flames. And all of that lead up with the Illyrian rebellions and cassians not being respected as a bastard, and his mission fighting for Illyrian female rights - amounts to absolutely nothing.

Don’t get me wrong, I really really enjoyed silver flames, and perhaps some of these ideas will crop up in azriels book and therefore won’t be wasted. But it just makes the series feel disjointed and leaves me at least, feeling unfulfilled.

Sjm is such a good author, in ToG the plot was expertly executed and when you reread the series, you can see hints and foreshadowing even back to book one. She knew exactly where she was going almost from the beginning, and each decision and plot point was used to create impact and build up to the ending. I don’t get that with acotar.

There is so so so much build, and almost no pay off - and I really got that sense in acosf, I loved it as a stand alone - but when we look at it through the perspective of the entire series, there were things which grated and a lot of things which I felt were built up to and nothing happened... Tomas, Cassians mother ( was so sure we would learn where she was buried at least ) the Illyrian rebellions and the Illyrians hatred and disrespect towards Cassian, Mor and Nestas relationship, CASSIAN AND MORS RELATIONSHIP ( I understand that the mor situation will be something which is focused upon primarily in azriels book, or hopefully her own, however their relationship involves Cassian as much as them both and I really wish Cassian had actually confronted the part he played in that whole situation - a part he played for 500 (!!!!) years. It’s a role which he was unable to relinquish in ACOWAR, and actively rejects Nesta to act as a buffer multiple times, seeing it as an obligation almost - and then in SF, pays it no attention at all. Feyre and Nestas relationship also isn’t really touched upon, as if that final act healed everything - what about that interrupted conversation in the library, when Nesta was cut off ? Why Nesta always favoured Elain, even Amren and Nesta - we still don’t really know what happened there... argh there’s just so much potential and so much set up, and it just seems forgotten about ? It makes the book seem disjointed and a bit of a let down.

Yesss I totally get what you mean here. ToG is honestly the superior series, and it’s because it has the cohesion that acotar doesn’t. Everything feels like it’s meant to be there, each character, each worldbuilding detail, their histories, everything just comes together in a wonderful way that just wrecked me when EoS came out and then was resolved perfectly in KoA.

Compared to that, acotar feels like sjm is figuring things out along the way and it is seriously driving me nuts. I’ve had multiple conversations with other people in Discords and they’ve said similar things. acotar at this point feels like sjm is just coming up with random ass ideas and throwing them in. No book in the series feels more like that than acowar. And it was that point where we knew that there would be more books, right? So combined with the fact that she pounded that book out and it got rather half-assed editing, you’re probably right that a lot of things were changed in order to set up the other books, even though it didn’t make sense with what she’d written before. 

I agree with you re: Mor and Az, and I feel like I’ve been seeing more people say that lately? That there is a feeling that they actually were supposed to be together and she changed her mind? I wrote a bunch of fics for them back in the day and they’ve gotten a bit more attention lately. But once acowar came out I was like, I’m gonna reread, and I’m gonna find all the clues, I’m gonna see where all this build-up was, and.... considering how often people say that sjm is so “good” at foreshadowing, I’m sorry, but not in this series. In ToG, yes, because she had a clear goal at the end! She knew where she was going and she stayed on that path. In acotar, idfk. Anyway my point is that I’ve reread the series a couple of times through since acowar came out and I’m still over here shrugging because up until that point, Mor and Az could be read in completely opposite ways. (Maybe it’s an Azriel thing, given the current discourse, idk.)

I will say, however, that we had clues that there was tension between them and I had noted that Az is quiet troubled and even pre-acomaf, I would not have been surprised by his extra in acosf. But all of that could have been addressed with Mor and Az still being together? We all had plenty of explanations at the time for the tension, and Mor being queer was like 1 of 100 of those explanations. 

If we look at Mor’s character through the books we have so far, I still see almost zero signs that she’s queer except for her literally saying “I like women and Rita’s has a lot of women and here’s my gay story”. Other than that, there is like..... nothing that feels organically queer about her!!! And I love her and I want her to be gay af!!!! But I wonder if my forgiveness of how acowar went down was more about my personal reaction than how well the story was actually done.

And the fact that, like you said, there is still no resolution to the fact that Cassian is supposedly a buffer between Mor and Azriel? Like???? We were all sitting here after acowar thinking “okay, well if she’s gay then someone knows. Someone has to know. She can’t just be gay and NO ONE WHO LOVES HER KNOWS.” 

Then in comes acosf with a big “fuck you, y’all thought” which just.... to me, it signals that her queerness was an afterthought. It’s still an afterthought because her queerness is limited to Mor and women blushing at her and Mor has her corner of the world in which she can be gay, but that gay never spills out into any other aspect of her life. It’s just conveniently isolated so that it doesn’t touch or affect other characters. 

In terms of continuity, acowar was such a huge shifting point in the series that people left in droves. It was a huge mess in the fandom. And then acofas was just fluff with no real point in pushing the story forward - even the Nesta stuff was a sneak peek, it had nothing to do with acofas itself. And now acosf comes in ignoring things she had set up previously, with almost zero nuanced discussion of the Cassian/Azriel/Mor thing, which means she still (?) doesn’t know what’s going on there. And I think that we did get some answers with Nesta’s reflection on her relationship with her mother, but the deal with the Illyrian rebellion was just in the way so let’s nix that, and then let’s focus on Eris (🤮) just because she feels like it even though she’s set up all these other characters whose stories need more. (Much like acowar, this paragraph is a MESS LOL)

And yes I KNOW that the series isn’t over, clearly, but she keeps setting things up and then letting them go nowhere, or making them seem important and then resolving them off-page, or changing character relationships (Mor and Az) but then having the characters involved act exactly the same, as if nothing had changed (by having the “buffer” situation still exist as a real thing).

I did enjoy the book, a lot, it was a fun read. But tbh we have so many arguments and disagreements within the fandom rn because things have been so left open to interpretation that we it’s not even a matter of “oh I saw this slightly differently”, it’s “WHAT book did these people even read???” That’s kinda weird, to me. There is reader response, and then there is what we have now, which is people having absolute opposite reactions to what they think happened in acosf. 

[watchyourbluesturngolden]

the exact opposite of weak

This is a story entirely based on my experience with a chronic illness. Everyone’s experience is different, and everyone’s experience is valid. 

Here is the link to the Cleveland Clinic’s page about POTS, just in case you want some more information :)

also yes, there is another mention of grey’s anatomy in this, there will probably be lots more, because that show is one of two things keeping me alive rn, I think you can guess who the other one is

word count: 1.3k

warnings: fainting and chronic illness

in your opinion, POTS is the worst chronic illness. Of course, you may be biased. Especially since it happens to be the one you suffer from. But really, it is pretty bad. 

You were one of the luckier ones who could still live a mostly normal life. You had been diagnosed when you were still a teenager, so you'd mostly figured out how to deal with it.

For you, it caused headaches, stomach pain, rapid heart rate, poor circulation, and heat intolerance (meaning you couldn't have too hot of a shower without your heart feeling like it was going to jump out of your chest).

Despite all this, you hadn't told Harry yet. You kept your symptoms under control well with a few medications and a lot of self care. You didn't want to burden him or make him think you were weak. So, you just didn't tell him. The longer your relationship went on, the more you worried about what you would say and how he would react.

You had been together for just over a year when you decided to tell him. You just felt bad keeping it from him any longer, so you made up your mind. Now all you had to do was figure out how. How were you supposed to tell the love of your life that you had a chronic illness you had just neglected to tell him about?

The opportunity arose sooner than you expected. It was the middle of winter, so you didn't have the summer heat to worry about. You did, however, have the shower to worry about. Since your circulation wasn't great, you always had freezing feet and hands. On days like this where you were just chilled to the bone, you wanted nothing more than to turn the water as hot as you could stand and bask in the steam.

So, you did just that. You stepped into the burning hot water, sighing as it washed over your cold limbs.

You noticed how bad you felt pretty quickly. Your head spun and you were overcome with nausea when you reached up to grab the shampoo. You quickly leaned against the wall, the cool tile soothing your skin. Soon you were shivering again, so you stepped back into the stream. After a few minutes, you started to feel worse. You turned the temperature cooler, but it didn't seem to help. Black spots started to cloud your vision like they did every time you stood up. You knew this was a bad sign.

You could feel your heart smashing against your ribcage and put a finger against your neck. Your pulse was so fast you could barely count it. It was getting harder to breathe as your heart seemed to speed up, even after you stepped out from under the water.

You stepped out of the shower, promptly laying on the floor with your legs propped up against the vanity. You pulled a towel over you before calling for Harry.

You heard his quick footsteps in the hall before he knocked.

"Y/N? Are you ok? did you forget a towel?"

"No- can you come in here?"

Harry opened the door, peeking his head inside. His brow furrowed when he saw you laying on the floor, legs up on the sink, with your fingers on your neck.

"Uh... what're we doing?"

His confusion was obvious, but he wasted no time getting down on the floor and laying next to you.

"Everything... everything alright?"

  "Can I see your watch?"

"Uh, sure," Harry said, sticking out his arm to you.

You grabbed his arm, focusing your eyes on the second hand ticking around. After a minute, you dropped his arm, sucking in a deep breath.

"Y/N,  what's... what're you doing? Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, my heart is just beating really fast and I don't feel well at all," you said, closing your eyes.

"How fast is really fast?" He asked, reaching over to feel your wrist. "Woah, you meant, like, really fast," his eyes widened as he counted her pulse.

"Y/N, your heart rate is over 200. I'm not a doctor, but you've made me watch enough Grey's Anatomy to know that's not good," He said eyeing you nervously.

  "No, it's ok, I just had the shower water too hot," You reassured him, keeping your eyes closed.

"Uh, again, not a doctor, but I don't think hot water is supposed to make your heart beat this fast."  

Oh boy. Here it was. Time for you to explain.

"Maybe not for most people, Harry, but for me, it's-" You tried to move your legs and sit up, but as soon as you did, your vision started going dark.

"Nope, back down, can't do that yet," You sighed, sinking back down.

He laid back down beside you, his fingers still on your wrist. After a few more minutes, you finally felt like you could get up.

Harry stood first, holding out his hand to help you. You got to your feet and instantly knew it was a mistake. Harry looked at your glassy eyes with concern before you went limp. He let out a surprised sound, catching you and lowering you back to the floor.

Your towel had nearly slipped off, so he readjusted it to keep you covered. Then he just sat there with your head in his lap, stroking your hair and watching the seconds tick by on his watch. After a few minutes, he started to get worried. He patted your cheek gently.

"Y/N, wake up," he spoke softly, still cushioning your head.

Your eyes snapped open and you tried to sit up. Harry held his hand on your shoulder, keeping you down.

"Woah, don't try and move yet. You scared me there," He said, smiling.

You looked up at him, then around at the bathroom. You closed your eyes, sighing again.

"I passed out, didn't I. Did I hit my head?"

"Of course not, I have excellent reflexes," Harry scoffed, pretending to be offended.

"Right, sorry," you laughed. "Sorry I scared you, that doesn't happen very often anymore."

"What do you mean, anymore?" Harry asked, confused.

"Ok, here it goes," You mumbled under your breath. "So... I have this condition, it's called POTS. That stands for postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome."

You could see the gears turning in Harry's head, trying to figure out what this meant.

"So, when you stand...?"

"My heart rate increases a lot, yeah. A lot more than it's supposed to. It's been better for a long time since I found the right medicine, but I still have bad days. The other day when I got up from the couch, remember how I almost fell? Yeah, this is why. I told you I just tripped, but I checked my pulse when I got to the kitchen and it was at 150. When it goes up that fast, it makes my vision black out and I feel like I'm about to faint."

"Does it happen every time you shower?"

"No, but it does get a lot worse with hot water. POTS causes poor circulation, and a whole bunch of other things, but anyway that's why my feet are always freezing. I like hot showers because I'm usually cold, but they make me feel terrible. I just must've had it a little too hot today, which is why... we're... sitting on the floor right now," You said, blushing and looking away from him.

"Hey," Harry said gently. "it's nothing to be embarrassed about, Y/N. I just wish you'd told me."

Y/N tried to sit up again, but Harry's hand was still pressed against her shoulder. "I swear, this time I'm ok," She smiled.

Harry eyed her suspiciously before helping her sir up against the wall.

"I know, I should have told you. I just didn't want you to think I was... weak or something," Y/N said, looking at her lap.

"Weak? Y/N, you just told me your heart tries to kill you every time you stand or take a hot shower, and that’s just your  everyday life. That's kind of... the exact opposite of weak, I'd say."

"Well, it definitely doesn't try to kill me," You laughed. "But yeah, I guess I am pretty strong for dealing with this, huh?"

"Absolutely, you are," He smiled. "Now, tell me everything about this, so I can know how to make you feel better."